#the detail is blowing me away - it is absolutely incredible how you give such depth to it，i am IN LOVE

[prolix-yuy]

PedroStories HallowReads Celebration 

A Spooky Salute to Writers! 

There are literally hundreds of fics out here that have stolen my heart, but here are a few of my favorites. Forgive me if I wax poetic about some of these, but I think you'll love them just as much!

For other stories I've loved, check out my fic rec tag!

🎃 Here are my recommendations for @pedrostories’ HallowReads Celebration 🎃

My favourite fanfics I read this year

Point A to Point B by @amywritesthings Description: Escorting a former Empire prisoner of war to a Rebel Alliance safe zone? It should be a piece of cake. Absolutely no problems whatsoever. My thoughts: My space sister even when she's off in another galaxy far far away (aka another fandom), Point A to Point B was one of the first Din series I read that was in progress at the time I started. Nothing made me quite as excited as giving my blow-by-blow reactions to Amy's spectacular story, and I'll come back to a few of those...ahem...firsts time and time again. The writing style is crisp and gorgeously detailed, and I love her religious Din so very much.

Lie to Me by @iamskyereads Description: A recent transfer to the DEA from the FBI makes you a target of hazing from your co-workers. Choosing to forget your bad first day at a bar puts you on a path towards meeting a new acquaintance. An expert on deception and psychological profiling, you are adept at catching liars. What happens when an increasingly stressful work environment begins to test the limits of your personal life and the one man at the center of it all, Javier Peña? Afterall, everybody lies about something. But how many are you keeping from yourself? An AU of Season 3 of Narcos My thoughts: Skye writes some of my favorite "it's canon now" stories, and Lie to Me is a shining example of what her creative mind can do with Season 3 plus an incredible reader character. I have never read a story where the reader was so different than me but also someone I'd so badly like to be that I could really imagine it to be true. Plus her Javi is so thoroughly rendered in perfect introspection I half expect scenes from the show to have Carino in the background. A must read!

Surrender by @ezrasbirdie Description: Weeks after the events in Kansas City, Joel and Ellie stumble across a woman lost in the Nebraska wilderness. With her knack for foraging and unending patience for Ellie's ceaseless questions, Daisy quickly becomes an asset on their journey. But between Joel's capriciousness towards her presence and Ellie's fierce loyalty to her guardian, she can't help but question her place with her new companions--especially when she catches Joel's gaze lingering more and more when he thinks she isn't looking. My thoughts: Listen, I know there's a lot of Joel out there right now, but this Joel? You need to read this Joel. A glorious character study of an intensely broken man finding a new start through the eyes of a complex and powerfully realized OC. There are whole chapters that have me in a chokehold, and the pain is so stunningly offset by the beauty they find in each other. One of my favorite things Birdie has written (and there are lots to choose from!)

Celestial Navigation by @write-and-buried Description: Dumped and drowning in a summer storm, you duck inside a coffee shop to hide from your broken heart. Covered in plants and hand drawn images over exposed brick, it seems like a slice of heaven. The owner brings you a blueberry muffin and a promise; you’ll fall in love with him before the new year. My thoughts: How can I not mention the story I salivated over every week waiting for a new chapter? This Dieter has all of the hallmarks of canon Dieter with so much more depth and a unique twist to his character that works perfectly in this sort-of AU. Every description is lush and ripe, sensuality used to lull you into horny heaven. Gorgeously realized and a wonderful contained read again and again.

Intimidation Tactics by @whataperfectwasteoftime Description: You and your partner, Marcus Pike, are investigating a case that brings you far too close to something much more dangerous than your average art thief.   My thoughts: Penny came out of the gate SWINGING with this series. Marcus and Dave's chemistry is electric, and the three of them together weave attraction and devotion into something much more grounded and confident than I expected. Their relationship blossoms so fully I can't imagine it any other way.

Wild Abandon by @starlightmornings Description: Post-WWII, set in the Great Smoky Mountains of Western North Carolina. Ezra Joe Collins came home from the war looking to hide away in the wilderness. His simple, quiet life is turned upside down when you show up in his garden, hungry and desperate, with nowhere else to go. What starts out as a grudging friendship quickly transforms into something that will knit your very souls together — but as you soon discover, such a bond comes at great cost. My thoughts: Kaylie's masterful execution of this thematic story kept me on the edge of my seat for weeks! The setting and voice is some of the most unique writing I've come across, and the threads she weaves together to make the full picture come to light had me gasping. Plus Ezra is the perfect balance of hedonistic and mysterious, just the way I like him.

Beloved fanfics with my comfort characters

First Class to Tatooine by @mandosmistress Description: You’re a flight attendant who’s so entranced by your melancholy, beskar-clad passenger that you decide to cheer him up with some first class treatment. And although the Mandalorian seems to think he can forget his woes between your legs if he tries hard enough, despair and violence seem to follow him no matter how hard he tries to shake them. My thoughts: Mari's fic was some of the first I read in the fandom and if I'm ever missing Din I come back to this story. Her young Din fics are transcendent, but I'm so in love with this post-TBOBF story and the angst she pulls out of it.

Kinktober 2022 by @chaoticgeminate Description: You’re a fanfiction writer turned novelist, which was great since it was the path you wanted your writing to take you down in life. What you never thought would happen was meeting the Javier Gutierrez, who you actively write smutty fanfiction about from his film with Nic Cage, and you especially didn’t expect him to have a crush on you. Fast forward several months of dating, with a good chunk of your relationship being distance due to his constant traveling and having to go home to Mallorca, when he surprises you with a prompt list and a vacation planned around exploring it. You haven’t even worked up the nerve to tell him about what you write and post to Tumblr about him as a character yet. My thoughts: Who doesn't want to live in a world where some happy accidents bring you together with Javi Gutierrez in a sexy funfest full of feelings, healthy relationship conversations, and mind-blowing smut? Plus Kelly made me almost cry several times featuring my beloved Murch in her stories and now our RCs are best friends forever.

Palomino by @fuckyeahdindjarin Description: Unable to get a refund for a week-long horse-riding pack trip you’d booked with your ex, you decide to go solo. As it turns out, a rebound with a cowboy named Jack while traversing the wild landscapes of Wyoming might just be what you need. My thoughts: Palomino is a triumph of a fic by the incredibly talented Cee that is a must-read if you like anything horsey. Even if you don't, come for the soft-spoken cowboy we were robbed of in TGC and their adventures together. Cee took so many unique turns that had me intrigued with my heart clenching at each new chapter, and the ending is truly something beautiful.

Fanfics I wish more people knew about

Calculated Risks by @pedrito-friskito Description: I took a calculated risk, but fuck, am I bad at math aka - this started as friends with benefits but you’re ridiculously good in bed and not as much of an asshole as originally thought and now I’m kind of in love with you? a saga. My thoughts: Kay's Dieter is a chaotic mess in the best way, and she pairs him with someone just as messy and perfect for him. They traverse some highs and lows together, but the love is so carefully threaded through you have to root for them.

Vibes by @mandoblowmybackout Description: Sex toys, Din Djarin, neurodivergent reader and so many feelings? What's not to love? My thoughts: The number of times I've closed my eyes and thought of scenes from this series is too large to count. As sexy as the concept sounds, the trust and care that Ash takes to give these two the love they deserve is even more exhilarating.

Kitten by @boliv-jenta Description: The reader meets Nico at a swingers party. Will he just scratch an itch or carve a place in her life? My thoughts: Liv has so many fics I adore, but the exploration of Nico as a character and how his and Kitten's experimentation grows is just masterful. Plus she gives us one of my favorite OC side characters and so many twists and turns I was gobbling up each addition the moment they came out!

Fanfics with my favourite trope/AU

Love Triangles by @littlemisspascal Description: Soulmates with Identifying Marks AU, including a ridiculous amount of pining, misunderstandings, and Dieter being Dieter. My thoughts: Rae's writing never fails to make me feel the widest spectrum of emotions. This AU is so fun and thoughtfully fleshed out, with a wild but kind Dieter, hilarious nicknames, and a soulmate twist that had me a gooey mess by the end.

Stranger At My Gate by @leslie-lyman Description: A time-traveling Pero. A modern woman trying her best. A kitchen full of possibility. A helping of Midwestern kindness. A dash of magic. And a whole lot of Christmas spirit. My thoughts: I read this around the holidays and it was the perfect treat for my time-travel-Pero-loving heart! The world Leslie creates is so warm and homey I want to live in it always. Plus big gruff Pero melting down for Tessa makes me want to cry, it's so wonderful.

A Galaxy Far Far Away by @grogusmum Description: This fic is as much a story about Din, Grogu, and Reader as it is a little love letter to an old home of mine, during an idyllic time in my life. As with most authors, there are characters who are a reflection of them, and that is certainly so for reader characters in fics. And it is so here, but only a little, but the cottage, the town, the festivities are directly from life. I hope they come across kind of like characters in their own right. My thoughts: Every time I get a new piece of this story it melts me again. The love in this is quiet and gentle, and Grogu is a sweet little menace we adore. The slow growth of love is truly the star, and I'll forever want to live in this town with a big teddy bear of a man and his mischievous son.

The Language of Flowers by @lowlights Description: You’re the only daughter of a wealthy Victorian family living in the countryside. The head gardener, Din, catches your eye and your heart. A series of clandestine rendezvous put both of your futures in jeopardy. One question persists: could you ever truly be together? (A Din Djarin AU) My thoughts: Gardener!Din owns my heart, my nethers, a large piece of my brain. The Victorian vibes are off the CHARTS, and while there's the looming doom of their secret relationship always present, I still fall back in love every time.

Fanfics I NEED to read

A Girl Walks Into a Bookshop by @oonajaeadira Description: Set a couple of years after the events of the film. Ezra owns a bookshop. You walk in. My thoughts: This has been on my TBR forever and I feel like I need to set aside a day to just binge it. I know it'll make me soft. I know it'll give me all the feels. I just need to prepare myself for it, preferably with a warm drink and a cozy corner to melt in.

Meant to Be by @radiowallet Description: Oberyn Martell has spent his life as a second-born prince enjoying all the pleasures that Dorne has to offer, staving off any notion of an arranged marriage under the guise of searching for his soulmate. But after defeating The Mountain and avenging his sister's untimely death, Oberyn returns home to his brother still without a true heir. And so Doran states his plan: To name Oberyn Lord of Sunspear and have him take a wife, soulmates and lovers be damned. So what happens when the fates of Westeros send him an independent and troublesome woman from the north that just happens to fit the title of both bride and soulmate? Which feelings does one bow to? To bend or to break? And what does it truly mean to be meant? My thoughts: Cat's unique take on a Soulmate AU with an unlikely Pedro boy has been tantalizing me for months! And to hear her say that it's one of the formative stories that's developed her unique voice just makes me want to read it more!

Clean Sheet by @haylzcyon Description: Former FBI agent turned tortured crime-author Marcus Pike has never gotten the hang of complacency. The weight of monotonous days stuck writing a loveless character into predictable plotlines is heavy - but he finds ways to shoulder it. Newly divorced and the owner of a print shop where Marcus orders copies of his working drafts, a slip-up in order packaging sparks a fast blooming friendship between you, and reveals a side to Marcus that you've only dreamt of. My thoughts: AUTHOR MARCUS AUTHOR MARCUS I know this is going to get me yearning and I cannot wait for him to meet-cute his way into my heart.

Like a Moth to the Flame by @the-scandalorian Description: monster!Din, sort of a dark Beauty and the Beast AU My thoughts: Oh god. Oh godddddd. Monster!Din. I can't. I need a minute. I'm gonna be such a problem after this story and I need to be ready for that. I'm looking so disrespectfully at this story Simone.

Thank you to each and every writer who's on this list (plus dozens more) and whose words are forever imprinted in my brain, for better or worse. Happy Spooky Season!

[hailsatanacab]

AHHHH!!!! Thank you so much!!! This is absolutely phenomenal and I can't begin to express how happy I am that you're enjoying cetbwa 🥰❤️ thank you, it is absolutely gorgeous!!!

She feels like home.

fanart for the latest chapter of close enough to be whole again by @hailsatanacab​! jazz my beloved <3333333

and a bonus sketch:

danny: he dont bite :) damian: YES I DO.

[balillee]

tommy's character gets far too much shit.

hi tumblr. i'm gonna need a few bitches to spread this post everywhere, essentially because i want someone, or just tommy really, to see it. so if you really want, you can screenshot it and post it on twitter, reddit, link it everywhere - go absolutely buck wild. i know he reads the VODS comments a lot, but they're chock full of people just insulting him, his character, his writing and everything about his story in the dream smp simply because they don't understand it and because they refuse to acknowledge his character's perspective (mainly because they only care about the pig). reading that many critical comments on something you've created can only make you feel worse about it eventually, and in light of all the awful techno apologist takes on his character, i wanted to basically just word vomit about how wonderfully crafted c!tommy is, as well as compile some other tumblr posts about his character.

there is a massive fuckin community of people who enjoy the character of tommy, because the character is incredible. i myself have made post after post after post commenting on and analysing tommy's character because i find that there's so much to pick apart. but that enthusiasm for his character only seems to be found on tumblr. reddit and twitter seem to hate his character, the VODS seem to be filled with comments from people who only care about techno's perspective (and treat techno as a reliable narrator, which, is the furthest thing from the truth - that guy lies through his teeth all the time), and the smp wiki is a hellscape of godawful takes and mistruths, not even on just tommy's character.

c!tommy is brilliantly acted and brilliantly written, and almost everything he does is either justifiable or has been rectified or admitted as a mistake. you can clearly make connections as to where he got his conclusions from. you feel what his character experiences, as a member of the audience, vividly.

if you look in the more objective sense, c!tommy, and this is especially in the context of him being the youngest character, is a scapegoat. people claim he's awful and destructive when in reality he's a lot less destructive than most characters on the server. a moment that comes to mind is where he diverts schlatt and quackity's attention from pogtopia by breaking part of the flag in manberg, and then replacing it so as to buy tubbo some time - he literally monologues after it about how he doesn't want to destroy but instead rebuild, and how he feels as if nobody else seems to understand that.

his arc in season two was incredible. it was very character driven, and it gave a spotlight to his motivations. at the start we see him in new l'manberg, and he's enjoying his time there, he's skeptical of his friend's presidency, but his main goal is to get back the discs so that he can stop dream and eliminate that threat. he made one screw up that didn't even matter to george, and he paid for it tenfold, even after dream had spent a while with puffy griefing the server and framing it on tommy - what tommy and ranboo did was convinient. then, in exile, we see c!tommy straight up get abused. he's gaslit and conditioned into being c!dream's friend, and in his brain he teaches himself that those acts of abuse are moments of bonding, and it eventually brings him to the point of wanting to end his own life - he's been torn away from his friends and his support system, and nobody will visit him consistently anymore because they only showed him pity, and all he had left was dream, who had hurt him.

but he doesn't die there, because while he didn't understand the full gravity of it back then like he does now, he recognises that dying isn't an escape, and he can beat dream, even if he doesn't know how. so this is where he goes to techno's place, and here's where the fandom starts to misinterpret the situation wildly.

it's the problem similar to when your parents tell you that they're owed something back because you put a roof over their head, despite that being Not How It Works. techno took tommy in and severely mistreated him emotionally. sure, and i understand this, c!techno is a bad communicator who isn't really that empathetic to anyone who isn't phil or wilbur, but that doesn't excuse the blatant lying to c!tommy's face, the guilt tripping, the friendship buying and the degrading. the day before the festival, tommy finally does something violent in his interrogation of fundy, and only then does techno tell him,,,,

that tommy's not equal to him, that techno doesn't respect him all that much, and that they're not friends.

from techno's perspective, and at the time, this was viewed as a positive development in their relationship. oh, he's starting to warm up to tommy! this friendship could really blossom!

no. from a more objective standpoint, what techno has just said to tommy is : 'i respect you only a little bit more now, because while you're starting to act more like me, you're still annoying and a burden.'

and i haven't even touched on the whole 'erasing the words 'Destroy L'manberg' from techno's to-do list' thing, because that instantly refutes the point of 'techno was upfront with his intentions the whole time' - because he wasn't! he may have said it the first time, but you also know what else he did? he repeatedly told tommy that they'd 'air the details out later' whenever the discs were brought up, and from a tommy viewer's perspective at the time, it was framed as if techno was no longer going to do that.

and i also haven't dared touch the 'i would have fought them all for you', because that's major guilt tripping if ever i've seen it.

so, the day of the festival comes, and here's where c!techno and his apologists completely misread c!tommy's thought process, and why he makes the decision he does.

tommy instantly regrets valuing the discs over tubbo, and it's framed as the culmination of tommy having become all the people he said he would never want to be like. and what does he immediately do? he tells tubbo to give up the disc, and he sides with tubbo. he puts his value in his friends, and, by proxy, l'manberg. and when he betrays techno, he tells him 'i'm sorry'.

from a more objective standpoint, tommy's time with techno is him valuing the discs over almost anything else. so, in leaving techno to be with tubbo again, he is valuing people above the discs. so when, on doomsday, techno says his 'discs aren't people' line, what he doesn't realise is that he himself fueled tommy's valuing of discs above people when attempting to fuel tommy's vengeance against tubbo and l'manberg. techno doesn't realise that he was an unhealthy presence for tommy, and an even worse influence.

what techno also doesn't seem to understand is that tommy never hated tubbo or l'manberg - tommy recognises, now at least, that his exile wasn't a product of tubbo, but a product of dream's manipulation, likely in part because at the time, especially with dream lying about tommy blowing up the community house, tommy was the only one who could see it because he had experienced it firsthand. so when techno sides with dream, it's like kicking tommy in the teeth.

and i want to mention that betraying someone doesn't necessarily make the person who was betrayed good, or in the right, or even justified, because tommy was entirely justified to leave techno. you know who else was betrayed? schlatt. but i don't see many schlatt apologists around angry at quackity for joining the rebellion.

tommy stole the axe of peace? good. it was a moment of tommy defining his self-worth, instead of having it defined by others. gone is the age of c!techno belittling him and deciding how much c!tommy should be respected. NEXT!

here's a moment i wanted to talk about that will forever be funny to me.

'i am a person.'

techno's very famous line from doomsday. techno says to tommy that discs aren't people, and that tommy should value people, despite not understanding that by leaving techno, he did just that. and what does tommy say in return, which has been omitted from every c!tommy-critical analysis, and every animatic?

'yes you are, but so are we.'

an acknowledgement of techno's hurt, to which tommy has already apologised for. a statement that says 'your hurt does not excuse, nor justify, the hurt you have inflicted onto us.' an acknowledgement that tommy has already learnt the lesson techno seems to be trying to 'teach' him. but you can't teach him anything by destroying.

c!tommy has had almost everything he has ever owned or built either taken from him or destroyed. ranboo even points out that the only two things of tommy's left standing are his house and his hotel, and if i'm honest, his house is dissheveled. it's a labyrinth of terror due only to how many times it's been torn apart. l'manberg being blown up didn't teach anyone anything about anarchy, or about valuing people over possessions. logstedshire being blown up didn't teach tommy to be obedient.

i could honestly ramble for ages about how nuanced tommy's character is and how much depth and complexity there is to his character's process and his relationship with others, but more than that, c!tommy is forgiving. he invites almost everyone who hates him to the grand opening of his hotel - if that isn't an indicator that he just wants friends, and not to be treated like the embodiment of evil, then i don't know what is. he holds grudges, but he doesn't really actively hate anyone, other than c!dream. but, we'll let him. c!dream deserves nothing but to be pummeled into the floor.

tommy doesn't spoonfeed his character nuance, and he doesn't really spell it out for his audience. he'll mention things like trauma and triggers in passing, but a lot of analysis on his motivations has to be picked up from what is said in passing or from what can be seen in between the lines.

i'd be here for hours if i were to talk about everything i love about c!tommy, because honestly he's one of my favourite characters, and there are so many angles you can look at his character from in terms of his age, his relationships with others, his motivations, his personality, his character arcs etc etc. so instead of doing that, i'm going to compile some much more specific analysis posts below to skim through because they highlight so many good aspects of his character.

^^ A thread about the 'yes you are, but so are we' line.

^^ About how shit the VODS comments are.

^^ A comment on how c!Tommy is actually pretty peaceful, and is actually less destructive than most characters on the server.

^^ Possibly the best c!Tommy analysis thread I've ever seen in relation to his trauma, which gives multiple perspectives.

^^ About how c!Tommy is treated as a scapegoat, and how, from an objective standpoint, he is no more violent than any other character, it's just that the little violence that is committed is blown far out of proportion.

^^ Tumblr user flypaw being a bad bitch, as per usual.

^^ c!Tommy being incredibly intelligent, and talking about wanting to rebuild and not destroy. A very underrated monologue of his.

^^ Something short about c!Tommy and c!Wilbur's relationship in Pogtopia.

^^ Less about c!Tommy, more a meta on L'Manberg. Really interesting to think about.

^^ A take on Doomsday.

I'll add some more posts in a reblog in the notes, but if anyone's post(s) is on this and they want me to take it off, let me know and I'll do that for you! Feel free to add your own banger c!Tommy takes or ones that you've found.

[tossawary]

Because my brain does NOT stop even when I’m grounded, today my brain told me, “Hey, I figured out how to make a Hobbit Fusion AU work.” And I was like, “Great! We’re working, though.” And my brain was like, “I’ve figured out how to make it a Pre-Canon Canon Divergence AU for Moshang.”

And I was like, “...I’m listening.”

The Hobbit is another one of my Comfort Media and it got brought up when I was asking about that, but I was feeling kind of “eh” about mixing Tolkien mythology with SVSSS. I mean, the mental picture of Dwarf Mobei-Jun is extremely funny and Shang Qinghua would make a great hobbit! But that interpretation felt a little too direct for my AU tastes.

So, hm, now I have another potential Big Bang contender. My love for The Hobbit is very, VERY strong and looking at my current outline, I have to be like, “Yeah, this could be 50,000 words, no problem.”

It’s a very good outline!

-

After saving Mobei-Jun, Shang Qinghua bailed A.S.A.P. because he honestly thought Mobei-Jun was going to kill him. He psyched himself out of sticking around before Mobei-Jun woke up. Mobei-Jun didn’t get enough information to track Shang Qinghua down.

Shang Qinghua (who isn’t SQH because he isn’t the Peak Lord) decides that he can’t fucking take it anymore and bails from Cang Qiong Mountain Sect too. The System objects, but also falls into line when Airplane shrieks at it. Airplane is going to go become a humble merchant and inventor and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop him!

It turns out that Shang Qinghua’s presence or help was actually crucial to stop some Emperor of the Abyss from taking over the Ice Palace and the Northern Desert. Airplane is like, “Oh, yeah, I remember… offhandedly writing something about that happening in the past off-screen?” It was one of those things that he just threw in there because it sounded really cool, and it gave Mobei-Jun another reason to “owe” Shang Qinghua and not kill him immediately, but he never got to elaborate on it because he was too busy writing stallion novel bullshit.

So, borrowing the lore from my “Horns” one-shot, an extremely powerful Emperor of the Abyss escaped the Eternal Abyss. This is some devouring horror being from the depths of the abyss, which ate everything in its vicinity in the abyss itself and crawled into the Demon Realm to eat more things. The Emperor of the Abyss was attracted to Mobei-Jun’s father. They fought. Mobei-Jun’s father should have won, but didn’t, because he was too fucked up (thanks to his own hedonism or something) to fight properly. What an asshole.

Mobei-Jun’s father was killed and devoured by the Emperor of the Abyss, which has made it… exponentially powerful. It’s now… basically a calamity. The desolation that it leaves in its wake across the Northern Desert is unspeakable. Mobei-Jun and his family, their allied clans, and pretty much all demons in the Northern Desert have had to flee.

Mobei-Jun is currently essentially a “guest” of the Sha Clan. He’s homeless. He’s lost the power of his ancestors. He’s a “king” without a kingdom. It’s humiliating. He needs to kill the abyssal creature to retrieve: his title, his ancestors’ power, and his kingdom.

While working for other demon clans to support his family and people, Mobei-Jun crosses paths with Airplane. Airplane has become a relatively successful merchant and inventor, and he calls himself Shang Houhua. He lives a very comfortable life and does his best to ignore anything resembling the plot. He’s pretty successful at ignoring the plot.

Mobei-Jun is never in a good mood these days, but he’s especially pissed off to see that human who abandoned him all those years ago. Airplane tries to argue that Mobei-Jun told him to fuck off, but Mobei-Jun is too angry. Airplane makes lots of offers in an effort to get Mobei-Jun to spare his life, one of which ends up being a claim that he can help Mobei-Jun kill the Emperor of the Abyss and make him a king again. Mobei-Jun pauses, now even more pissed off than before, and Airplane just starts babbling desperately to save his own skin.

Mobei-Jun was already forming a company to take on a Quest for the Northern Desert - in the hopes of slaying the Emperor of the Abyss and retaking his homeland. Part of the issue has been that forming the company is difficult. Mobei-Jun wants people who are loyal to HIM and ONLY to him. He won’t owe anyone else anything or promise them pieces of his homeland.

(Airplane is like, “Bro, I don’t know if you can afford to be so picky, but okay.”)

So Mobei-Jun is like… “I still want to kill you, but fine, you can come on our quest and help us.”

So Airplane ends up on the Quest for the Northern Desert, led by his very angry future murderer the “king without a kingdom” Mobei-Jun, to fight the calamitous Emperor of the Abyss who killed Mobei-Jun’s father. Fuck.

Some details beyond this opening premise:

Airplane and Mobei-Jun fall in love over the course of the quest, obviously. They have their own hijinks like each chapter of The Hobbit (equivalents to the trolls, to Rivendell, to Goblintown, to Beorn, to Mirkwood, and to Laketown, etc.). 

Oh, damn, I just realized that making a pre-fall Tianlang-Jun and Zhuzhi-Lang the Beorn equivalents would be so fucking funny.

The Emperor of the Abyss is a horrifying Smaug equivalent. It can totally talk because Airplane having a conversation with a draconian horror sounds incredible. I would love to have Airplane outwit the Emperor of the Abyss in some fashion.

Mobei-Jun and Airplane somehow manage to successfully kill the Emperor of the Abyss together. Like, together. Probably using some plot device whipped up or some clever plan devised by Airplane on his feet. Mobei-Jun trusts Airplane at a crucial moment and it all works out. Airplane actually gets Mobei-Jun his kingdom back.

I’m tempted to just skip over the Ring and not having a Ring equivalent. BUT if I made this into a longfic instead of a one-shot, I would have a Ring equivalent (if it was a one-shot, I would ditch the Ring equivalent). I think I would make Xin Mo the One Ring equivalent. During the Goblintown equivalent event, Airplane falls either into the Eternal Abyss or into Bing-Ge’s dimension, where he proceeds to successfully take up Xin Mo because he knows the trick and portal himself out of the Eternal Abyss, or he proceeds to outwit Bing-Ge in some fashion and uses the Xin Mo sword to portal himself back to the right dimension.

So then Airplane is stuck with this super powerful sword that he doesn’t want to use again because he KNOWS that it will fuck him up. He KNOWS that it will FUCK HIM UP. So Airplane has to go through the rest of the quest ignoring the temptation of the Xin Mo sword that he is absolutely not supposed to have and can’t possibly let anyone else have.

(Oh, man, imagining the influence of Xin Mo giving Airplane extra horny thoughts about Mobei-Jun on the rest of the quest is very funny. Like, Airplane was already hot for Mobei-Jun, but now it’s worse and he might never have a normal thought ever again.)

Bagginshield Movie Hug when Airplane turns up again, for sure. Mobei-Jun thought he was dead. Mobei-Jun smiles and everything, until he remembers to frown again.

I’m feeling like I don’t want Airplane to use Xin Mo to help defeat the Emperor of the Abyss, but it makes sense if he does. Him not using it doesn’t make much sense. I do like the idea of Airplane dealing the killing blow and Mobei-Jun’s pride being hurt by Airplane being the one to kill it. I also like the idea of Mobei-Jun being a little smitten by Airplane just… loyally handing him his kingdom and restoring the power of his ancestors. I also really like the idea of Airplane just… not having some super powerful plot device up his sleeve on the quest.

Like, instead of Airplane’s Author God knowledge totally setting him up to deal with this thing no problem, Airplane had NO FUCKING PLAN when he set out with Mobei-Jun. He was talking completely out of his ass when he said he knew how to help Mobei-Jun. That this all worked out at all is almost completely due to luck and improvisation.

That feels MUCH more true to both Shang Qinghua and to Bilbo Baggins. Lucky lads of fast-talking, complaining, lying, not knowing what the fuck is really going on, thirsting after kings with tragic backstories, and somehow not dying despite winging it all the time.

Instead of goldsickness, Mobei-Jun is forced to deal with some side-effects of consuming the Emperor of the Abyss to regain the power of his ancestors. (Demon cannibalism rituals. Yeah.) He starts acting really scary and out-of-character and forceful, until Airplane loses his nerve and runs away. Maybe under the influence of the late Emperor of the Abyss, Mobei-Jun actually tries to kill him? I could see Mobei-Jun trying to kill Airplane for the Xin Mo sword which dealt the finishing blow on the Emperor of the Abyss.

(I need a better name for this thing. If I can’t come up with something that actually sounds good, I might just call it “The Calamity”, but that’s giving me BOTW vibes so I don’t like it. Maybe I’d call it “The Desolation” or something? Ehhhh, I don’t really like that either.)

I want to have a Battle of the Five Armies equivalent, if only so Tianlang-Jun and Zhuzhi-Lang can swoop in as benevolent helpers as the Beorn equivalents. Currently, I’m seeing three options. 1) The orc army equivalent are neighboring demon lords who want to strike while the new Mobei-Jun is getting established. 2) The orc army equivalent is Linguang-Jun trying to kill his nephew and take power at the last minute. 3) The orc army equivalent is Bing-Ge here with an army and he’s pissed off and wants his sword back.

On one hand, 1 and 2 would be SO MUCH EASIER to pull off. I could be really lazy about the whole thing. On the other hand, 3 would be much fresher (more surprising and links back to the Xin Mo element), more challenging and the idea of pre-fall Tianlang-Jun facing off with Bing-Ge delights me. Kick his ass, Tianlang-Jun!

(Su Xiyan gets involved? My brain says YES. Kick his ass, Su Xiyan!)

Also, I was sad about there being no Fili and Kili equivalents, because Mobei-Jun has no friends, and I’ll have to make up a company pretty much from scratch. (Sha Hualing is too young and Luo Binghe hasn’t been born yet.) BUT then I was like, “Where’s Linguang-Jun in all this?” And I would absolutely have Linguang-Jun be a part of Mobei-Jun’s Company. Instead of nephews, Mobei-Jun has a sketchy uncle who might be trying to kill him. Keeping Linguang-Jun out of it might be easier, but actually doing some character-building with him sounds fun and challenging, and I’d rather limit the number of OCs if possible.

Mobei-Jun manages to shake off the goldsickness equivalent somehow, probably through “the power of love” (and/or straight-up “dual cultivation” with Airplane?). Moshang makes up while Mobei-Jun is apparently mortally wounded from fighting Bing-Ge and Airplane thinks this is all his fault. But Mobei-Jun doesn’t die! It’s all good!  

It’d be pretty funny if there was a “Returning to the Shire” equivalent where Airplane leaves because he thinks Mobei-Jun hates him now and never wants to see him again. So then Mobei-Jun has to track his man down like, “Get back here and marry me. (Also I am so sorry for trying to kill you. Please forgive me. I hate myself so much for that.)”

And they all live happily ever after!

Holy shit, this wasn’t in Proud Immortal Demon Way.

[river-bottom-nightmare]

Nightwing 79 Review

i said i would and i will. i did like this issue! not as striking and attention grabbing as 78, but i think this issue was meant to be a foundation one, laying out the groundwork for the future. overall, pretty good. also there wasn't enough bitewing. as promised, overly extensive metaphors and me reading too much into things under the cut

i know i've talked about this cover before, but this particular thing is oddly important to me, so i'll talk about it again

this is me, once again screaming about how artists put nightwing in traditionally feminine poses and how every time i see it i just get whiplash. i mean, true, the main reason why is because nightwing is a so often sexualized character, and putting him in these poses just increases the objectification, which is a goal that dc producers have. but there are very few popular male characters that do this. the only one i can think of off the top of my head is deadpool, but that was so obviously a critique and a way to make fun of the media industry. when they draw dick like this, they’re being serious. they’re putting him in appealing poses meant to show him off, and that’s something that’s traditionally only been done to women.

it's a very direct and very loud breaking of traditional gender roles in media, especially for a character as high-profile and historic as dick grayson. colour also plays a factor in this. the entire background is pink. i was absolutely shocked when i first saw it, when the teaser came out, because i cannot think of any comic book covers of male comic heroes this high-profile where pink is even just prevalent in the cover, let alone the majority of the cover. the pink does look beautiful: it offsets and highlights the black and blue of dick's suit gorgeously, but does it with more finesse than orange or red. but the fact that the stylistic choice was made to accent and draw this cover with aesthetic and beauty in mind, completely ignoring traditional hard-set gender rules in art, was a conscious choice and one i wholeheartedly support.

just another example of the sexualization i was talking about. i remember seeing harley quinn in this exact pose in suicide squad.

so far, taylor's been pretty dead-set on bringing alfred to the forefront of importance in this series. he wants people to know how much he loves alfred's character, and how much the butler meant to dick growing up. he was dick's father too. but what i adore is how taylor managed to stress alfred's importance in a way that didn't insult or belittle bruce.

this is one of the best bruce and dick interactions i've seen, and it's done in one simple interaction. in this, bruce is tough and harsh. he knocked dick down hard, but then he reached a hand down and helped pull dick back up. let me analyze their dialogue for a minute

on your feet: this is bruce telling dick to get up. he's trained dick, he knows what the younger boy is capable of, he knows his limits, and he knows what dick can do. this is bruce telling dick i know you're strong enough to get up, so get up and prove me right

are you just going to knock me down again?: surface-level, it looks like dick's complaining. he doesn't like bruce's rough training, and he's tired of bruce knocking him down. but look at his face in this. he's smiling up at bruce, knowledgeable and a little hopeful. he knows that bruce is doing this to help dick better himself, he's completely on board with the rough training, because they both know the rewards are incredible. also, he's teasing. he's bantering with bruce. there's an ease in that joking statement, one that belies affection and intimacy. they've only known each other for a little bit, but they're already slipping into a close familial relationship.

it depends on how fast you learn: this is bruce bantering back. this is bruce not being a stoic, unfeeling asshole. instead, he's shown with the dry humor that a good batman writer knows is a staple of the character. he's teasing dick, telling him he'll basically whoop his ass if dick doesn't learn fast enough. it's incentive for dick to train harder, while also being lighthearted enough to tell dick that believes in dick and doesn't want him to push himself too hard.

gosh i love the titans. also it looks like wally's staring at dick's ass.

this was cute. a prod at dick's silly and playful sense of humor, while not dumbing him down for the sake of a laugh. instead, he's joking about food, which is stuff everyone jokes about. this is the kind of stuff that'll actually make me laugh, instead of just making me vaguely uncomfortable.

bludhaven's almost always portrayed as a cesspool of a city. and to be honest, it really is. but this panel gives the city a meaningful history, while also giving us a reason for why dick moved there.

it talks of a time when people still thought they could beat the monsters. that if they fought hard enough, they could win the fight. it was a tentative hope that you could always overcome hardship.

dick's little "i like that it's still standing" shows how he still believes that, despite what the rest of the world thinks. despite everything that he's been through, dick is still tentatively an optimist, and believes he can fight the monsters of the world and win. it's a beautiful testament to his character, and i'm like that they added his signature element of hope back in. it used to be what he symbolized as robin, and despite his growth and character arc from robin to nightwing, this is one aspect of robin that i'm glad nightwing still has.

remember when i said "things that make me vaguely uncomfortable??" yeahhhh,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Shooketh Dick: A Sequel

(the expressions in this series are just,,,,on point)

this was an incredibly sweet and kindhearted thing for dick to do, but i found it kind of,,,,,,,,desperate? maybe that's just me, but let me explain.

dick's suddenly a billionaire, and he has entirely too much money that he knows what to do with. it's also alfred's money, what the man left to him, so dick forever links it with alfred. in addition to that, he's back and bludhaven and looking at it with "fresh" eyes. (at least, from a different point of view since he got shot in the head. then mind controlled.) he's desperate to do something with the money and he's desperate to help the people around him that so obviously needs up, so he comes up with an on-the-fly solution that's a little impractical and a little crazy, but it still helps and still does some good.

to me, dick seems a little lost. he hasn't completely found his balance yet, and he's trying to do things that will. he tries charity, because that's what bruce did and it's what he knows, even though he admitted that he always thought bruce could have done more as bruce wayne than batman.

they have a family group chat guys yall were right.

also, do i think that dick would ever actually get his wallet stolen?? no way in hell, he’d notice someone getting ready to pickpocket him a mile away. but i suppose it’s important to the Plot. 

okay this is getting interesting. first blockbuster, now maroni (+ the weird heart stealer guy). i can officially say that i am intruiged

this particular artistic quirk is shown a lot in this issue, and from this art team in general, but i feel like this panel is one of the best examples of it. it was stunning enough to take up a full page, and it’s well deserved.

the way they show dick moving is absolutely brilliant. as a reader, i like seeing these smaller versions of dick getting clearer and in more detail as they come closer to the screen. not only do they show depth in the picture beyond what a simple 3 dimensional piece of art does, it also shows the passage of time.

in addition, it showcases dick’s skill. dick spots these mobsters running after a group of petty thieves. he then, and follow me here, leaps off the roof of one building feet first, springboards backwards off the side of the adjacent building with his feet, gracefully continues his backflip, rights himself, shoots a line with perfect timing: just in time to soften his landing but not slow him down, execute said landing on top of a moving bus, keep running on the moving bus without missing a beat, shoot his grapple, use the grapple to swing, use the swing to build up momentum, then use the momentum to deliver a powerful blow to the mobsters. and he did all that fast enough to catch up with the mobsters, even though he was a ROOFTOP OVER. 

d a m n  s o n

this panel, the very first in the issue, is also another example of that art style, but a little more distinctive. i love the way they showed dick’s different costumes through the ages, along with him simply growing up. it’s a little heartbreaking, but a lot uplifting to see how far he’s come. thank god he got rid of the red. now all we need is the fingerstripes, and we’ll be golden

discowing my beloved. also i can’t clearly see discowing’s hair but it definitely looks like it’s pulled back. it looks like he put it in a ponytail. guys. guys. dick had a ponytail omg. 

he’s having a Hero Moment

are you talking about the city, dick, or are you talking about you? the kgbeast, the court, the joker. dick fell to each one of them, no matter how hard he fought. he won in the end, eventually and with his family’s help. but i think he’s feeling a little low, a little defeated right now. it’s almost like he needs a win, he needs to feel victorious, he needs to feel like he helped someone (hence the food and the hotel room), just because he needs to remember what it feels like.

these lines were supposed to resonate with you, and goddamn they did.

i looked at it from two ways. first, it’s the girl asking, begging nightwing not to hurt them. bludhaven doesn’t know dick the way gotham does, they’re still a little frightened of him. this child was brave enough to step in front of all of the other hurt and homeless kids and ask, to a strange man in a mask, if he was going to hurt them like the other men had. it’s heartbreaking, but commendable, and an echo of the city itself that dick’s decided to protect. they’re bloody and broken and terrified, but still gritty and brave enough to stare what they fear in the eye and ask it not to hurt them.

second, it’s dick seeing the question reflected in himself. recently, he got shot in the head and lost all his memories. while i think that the way ric reacted was a perfectly valid and human response to the situation, i think dick still regrets how callously and rudely he treated his family. then, he was manipulated by the court of owls, then he was brainwashed with a magic crystal by the joker. dick does have a guilt complex. it’s not a big as bruce’s, but it’s there. and right now, with this girl begging her not to hurt them, dick is probably thinking about all the times he hurt people, in control of his own actions or not, bc he “didn’t have a heart.” 

little ambitious don’t you think, dick?

also just look at the sunset colours loOK at the they could not make this any more obvious oh my godddddddddddddddddddddddd

in conclusion, i need more of her

[astoldbygingersnaps]

8,18,30

since i've actually managed to finish something recently, let's answer this meme that's been chilling in my inbox for like a month!

8. Do you listen to music while you write? If so, share a song that’s been inspiring you lately.

BOY DO I

i've mentioned this before, but i tend to create playlists for most of the fics i write, both because i can't write without music but also i'm of the belief that a good playlist really helps convey those carly rae jepson e·mo·tions.

because it's my most recent project, the band au playlist has been the one i've been wearing out recently, but particularly 'killing me softly' by the fugees. given the Events™ that will occur in chapter two, this bit seems especially relevant:

I felt all flushed with fever, embarrassed by the crowd I felt he'd found my letters and read each one out loud I prayed that he would finish, but he just kept right on

Strumming my pain with his fingers (one time, one time) Singing my life with his words (two times, two times) Killing me softly with his song Killing me softly with his song Telling my whole life with his words Killing me softly with his song

get ready for the pain, kids.

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

ah yes. my favorite question to answer.

since we're already on the band au train, let's do a deep dive of the scene detailing the rise and fall of shisui and itachi's relationship, shall we?

there are some lines in this first chapter that are honestly some of my favorite things that i have ever written. the truth is that after alexa and i started talking about this au, i was so haunted by it i wrote the entire first chapter in the period of a few hours.

i've been struggling a lot with being creative and producing content, and worrying that my writing was becoming repetitive or unnatural. and, though i've been hesitant to discuss it, the truth is that for the last few months, for a variety of reason i don't want to go too in depth about, my mental health has been absolute shit garbage, which was not helping the problem At All. so i kind of wanted something sad and fucked up to pour my bad feelings into, and this project fit that perfectly.

ANYWAY, i wanted the scene that discusses the band's rise to fame to feel like a blur, to reflect how surreal it would be to blow up so quickly, but also to show the slow, sort of inevitable degradation of this relationship. one thing @birkastan2018 said that i think really hits the nail on the head is that the saddest thing is how they don't break up because of anything salacious, it just happens because they're growing up and away from each other, and i think that's exactly it. they're two people that have been inextricably linked since childhood and now that they're the adults they're both starting to freak out about that.

obviously it's shisui that panics first

Shisui turns to him and asks, aren’t you worried that one day we’re going to get sick of each other?

but it's definitely on itachi's mind, too. he's just more in denial about it.

and Itachi tries to ignore how terrified the question makes him feel.

more than anything i think this section is what it's like to be in a Big Adult Relationship and live through it falling apart and experiencing all the things that aren't in romcoms or love songs

In the span of three months, he and Shisui have had at least twenty-five arguments. Some are big, some are small, but most are incredibly stupid. They’re meaningless moments in time, all a complete waste of their energy, and yet each one pushes the knife in them just a little bit deeper.

and to know deep down that something is over before you let yourself accept it

Shisui starts sleeping in the guest room and sometimes Itachi will wake in the middle of the night and pad down the hall, peeking his head inside to make sure the man hasn’t given up and run off for good. He loses track of how many hours he spends in that doorway, staring at Shisui and trying to find the person he once loved. He lost track of a lot of things that year.

and now i'm sad! whoops!

30. Tell us an idea for a longfic you want to write in the future.

i know i'm gonna say olympics au. you know i'm gonna say olympics au. let's not play these games, anon.

no, but seriously. i've had the idea of figure skater!itachi and hockey player!shisui living in my stupid little brain for so long that if it doesn't actually materialize at some point i may weep. oh also i think i would like to revist the friends with benefits au to explore what hokage!itachi would look like but. maybe don't hold your breath on that one, guys.

[kekisu]

TOP 5 CHARAS AND 5 REASONS WHY YOU LIKE THEM GO GO GO

AHHHH OKAY OKAY. I LITERALLY LIT UP WHEN I SAW THIS IN MY INBOX YOU HAVE NOOOO IDEA THANK YOU SO MUCH ah okay. i hope its ok if i leave it to just one or two of my fav things about them though cause NFHBGDF I DONT WANT THIS TO BE MILES LONG i hope you understand!!!!!

1. LIGHT YAGAMI

now. i dont think anybodys surprised. MFKSKFMFMHNGJN honestly, though i dont care about death note much at all anymore, hes like gum stuck to my shoe and i just cannot get him off no matter what i do. i tell myself that i dont give a fuck about anything in death note until i see him on my dash and i go apeshit. hes completely changed me and how i approach analyzing complex characters. i think hes the first character that ive ever actually cared about in that sense? the sense where i look into every detail about him i mean. its really just so fun...

my absolute favorite thing about him... i really love how funny he is. this isnt to say hes a humorous guy im saying hes funny as in he makes such stupid decisions and its hilarious to see him struggle so hard constantly. the entire ending of death note is fucking insane it sends me into laughing fits every time. theres so many funny moments in death note despite it being considered a psychological horror animanga because of him being a genuine fucking idiot 24/7. hes supposed to be a genius but he truly does lack so much self awareness sometimes.

if you wanna know more of my thoughts in depth, i have an analysis of him here that you can check out :) ID LOVE FEEDBACK ON IT so if you disagree with me or have questions etc feel free to shoot an ask and ill try to answer!!!!!

2. GORO AKECHI

god... hes perfect. he and light are on the same level of favoritism for me, dont let the numbers fool you. hes hands down my absolute favorite in persona 5 and it blows my mind knowing that the majority of the fandom feels the exact opposite or are torn over him ITS ALMOST FRUSTRATING because its mostly due to the amount of misinformation/mischaracterization spread about him!!!! but no he just happens to be the best written character in that piece of shit of a game! MFDKDHNGJJ AND PERSONA FANS CANT COMPREHEND GOOD WRITING

my favorite thing about him.. i love how hes written. and i know this sounds really basic and predictable, but its the truth i just really love his growth as a character, especially in royals third semester when he gets a chance to properly shine and oh my god! did he shine! hes literally so perfect in 3rd sem

theres just something so captivating about an angry teenager who truly thinks of his life as worthless and doesnt bother making bonds with others because of it who suddenly finds himself questioning his choices of self isolation when he finally meets a group of people he can resonate with and feel seen by. a group of people who are willing to reach out and listen to him despite his past mistakes. theres just something so perfect about seeing that same angry teenager want to take his life into his own hands and strive to grow... that same angry teenager who didnt value his own life start to see meaning in things because of bonds...

i love goro so so much he makes me so emotional if it isnt obvious enough NGFHGDGBDFH I THINK ABOUT HIM A LOT. i think about him healing so much.

(btw im working on an analysis for him atm thats similar to lights so! stay tuned for that dropping when its done in like a million years NFHFBGFHDBGHF)

3. AKIRA KURUSU

DAMN 2 PERSONA 5 CHARACTERS IN A ROW

OKAY SO i know Technically akira is supposed to be a blank slate silent protagonist but let me tell you THATS SO FAR FROM WHAT HE ACTUALLY IS. IM NEVER FORGIVING ATLUS FOR TRYING TO SHOVE HIM INTO THE SILENT PROTAG BOX AND NOT LETTING HIM BE HIS OWN CHARACTER! BECAUSE HE HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BE AMAZINGGGGG ugh sorryfor caps im so fuckng mad MKDFKMGMHMGMG

it really does get on my nerves how because of atlus trying to make him a silent protag, the majority of the p5 fandom sees him as that. blank slate. nothing. when in reality he very much has a ton of spunk and id argue that hes his own character entirely if you just look a little deeper past the surface Like... its not even that hard to see personality in him. beneath the mask is literally his theme song, have you Not seen the lyrics to that? HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE ENTIRE THEME OF THE GAME? this little dude is so traumatized and angry at those who wronged him (aka the justice system! shitty adults!) and people have the nerve to say hes the worst persona protagonist? lmfao

my favorite thing about akira is how he looks like a cat and how cocky and annoying he can be.. he is such a jokester hes the absolute dumbest. i enjoy this silly guy. *holds him under the armpits like a longcat*

4. SHIGEO KAGEYAMA

ahhh mob. he makes me do this -> :)

mp100, of course, changed my fucking life. mp100 is the reason i am the way i am and though all the characters are incredibly relatable and memorable and i cherish them so dearly, i, like most people, cherish mob the absolute most. seriously his strength really is incredible and though hes just a fictional character he is so inspiring and i wish to carry as much gentleness in my heart as he does.

im so so proud of him on his development he started off so.. i wouldnt say he was weak, but i would say that he lacked experience. he lived in his own little bubble not knowing what the world was like and throughout the story he grew to learn so much.. he learned to make such. mature decisions at such a young age. hes so so wise. hes so powerful not only because of his psychic powers but because of his compassion for others. he can befriend even the worst of people...

my favorite thing about him is his determination to become the best version of himself he can be. and also his relationship with ritsu (not me, i mean ritsu kageyama <3) i always gravitate towards siblings in fiction because im an only child and well <3 i dont experience that. so i like projecting onto them GHBFBBHFG they care so much for each other.. sniffle sniffle

5. RYO ASUKA

ok im going to be real even though im into devilman i dont have much of a reason to enjoy him this much. i just think hes hilarious and really cool and his satan form gives me gender envy. i love it when he commits random easily avoidable acts of violence for no reason at all its just because he wants to. and thats just fine. i think he can kill people and get away with it because hes ryo asuka. gay rights

[honey-lets-fucking-run]

Rebecca Ferguson: The Art of Versatility

A recent discussion with the lovely @imfmi6 has given me the spark to finish an essay on which I was fumbling for a couple of months. Therefore, I decided that I must be courageous enough to publish it, so here it is.

However, before we begin, I shall give to all of you some predisposition: this post may be very long and contain lots of letters for I'm an insatiable movie geek, and maybe, I'm partial to analyzing everything I watch and read. Maybe a little too much. Anyways, you have been warned, so...

I'll start at the beginning: a little over two years ago, one dear friend of mine suggested to me that I should watch the latest two entries in the ”Mission Impossible” franchise. For more precise effect, the suggestion was supplemented with a picture of a very beautiful woman, looking at someone unseen, but with such deep affection evident in her gaze, that I was immediately intrigued. That was all it took. A picture. Intrigue is a very tricky feeling at its core, indeed.

So that same day I sat down to watch ”Fallout”. To say I was blown away by it would be a huge understatement.

To elaborate, I had seen the first four entries of the franchise before, I sincerely admired them for the precision that a viewer can rarely encounter in an action flick, but at that time, MI wasn't something I would grasp after. Now, after looking back, I'm pretty sure it was for the best. As they say, some things tend to come right back to you.

Back to the matter at hand. I fell in love with everything. I fell in love with the direction. I felI in love with the cinematography. I fell in love with the cast and the characters. I fell in love with the way in which the film was so cleverly written, even though I had a certain amount of difficulty understanding some plot points, because I was watching out of order, but even then, I pretty much understood everything that was necessary to get. But there was one person with whom I had ended up being enamoured the most. That person was, as I'm sure, you had guessed already, Rebecca Ferguson.

To say what it was that affected me the most? Of course, Ilsa Faust is badass. I mean, she can fight without seeming ridiculous. She takes her heels off, because it's practical and easier to fight without them. She's an expert bike driver. She looks every bit as lethal as well believable while holding a weapon, be it a knife or a gun. She can be lethal without a weapon, and if that's not a definition of true badassery, then I don't know what it is. But, as much all this serves the purpose of being integral to her character, that wasn't what surprised me the most.

What surprised me the most was the plain fact that Ilsa, while being badass, is also very human. It was evident in every facet of the character, be it her seemingly untrustworthy nature of pursuing a goal of her own to the very end, or be it her vulnerability. Vulnerability that was not treated as a weakness, but as an another facet of Ilsa's personality. Human are vulnerable beings, and throughout both Rogue Nation and Fallout, we're reminded of that hundred times, sometimes in a brilliantly subtle ways. And that's the entire point of my never-ending rambling here, because, at the end, I was blown away and became totally fascinated with one thing. Which was, of course, Rebecca Ferguson's acting.

First of all, she doesn't give the impression of acting. Throughout both movies I was a witness to a transformation so complete and sublime, that I forgot about the acting part. I saw only the character. I saw Ilsa's tiredness and emotional insecurity (over her job and moral ambiguity that comes with it, which was surprising in itself, given that female characters who are stressed over something that's not tied to her male partner, are a rarity). I saw her as a complete equal to Ethan; she doesn't need him to save herself, but they understand each other on a much more deeper level, which you can't squeeze to a simple: ”oh, they're in love, look at that”. (There's not only love. In their relationship, respect and mutual recognition comes first and foremost to any romantic feelings). I saw her desire to escape from the spy life before it was plainly stated by her in the scene at the train station. Why? Because it was all over her face in the scenes before that one.

And that is the key. Not only Ferguson does not give the impression of acting by transforming so completely, you forget the word ”acting” in the first place, but also she has such an incredible in-depth understanding of her character's emotional and psychological undercurrents that she's able to transfer it into acting without being overly explicit. It's all in the details: the lighting-quick slideshow of different emotions, from fear to utter contempt, demonstrated by her in the ending seconds of ”Fallout”, during which Ilsa was captured by Lane for a brief time; the complete loneliness and sense of not belonging within any group, hidden beneath the mask of a world-famous opera singer (Jenny Lind was glorious, and she had her reasons, no one will trick me into believing otherwise); again, tiredness and the feeling of emotional drainout, which she transfers brilliantly from Rogue Nation to Fallout, not only without seeming illogical or out of place, but altering that state into something completely different (you can see that Ilsa is on a verge of the burn-out, you can see it so clearly in the scene at the alleway alone, that you literally feel like your heart is going to combust); the aura of evil hidden beneath such affability, that you cannot help being hooked, even knowing there's something unquestionably wrong with the owner of that ”magic” hat (Rosie, darling, I want that hat, seriously).

I can go on and on, but to bring the point home, you know what the greatest part is? The greatest part lies in the fact that Ferguson is so goddamn flexible in terms of acting ability, that her characters totally differ from each other. I mean, they completely different. Usually, you know, there's a trademark, some kind of trait that actors bring with themselves from role to role in order to be distinguished from others. Ferguson doesn't even have that. Each new part is a clean slate. Literally. The only trademark I was able to find that unites all of the characters she played, other than the obviousness of being portrayed by her, is her perchant for being barefoot (aside from some unintentional sarcasm, I find that incredibly cute and free-spirited). And each time, I don't know what she will do. I mean, I know she will deliver something mind-blowing, I know I will be surprised beyond being able to form an adequate and coherent reaction in response to what I have seen, but I can't and absolutely would not try to guess how she'll manage to surprise me.

In conclusion to all this, I would like to say, that, in terms of acting, Rebecca surely embodies something I have never seen before. And that's exactly what makes her so gloriously distinctive in her own way.

P.S. The picture that had started it all:

[initiumseries]

Which parts of BTVS did you not like and how would you have changed them?

Yes! Great question. 

So, if I’m being honest, most, if not all, of my issues with BTVS start after she graduates high school. I feel like the show lost the magic of the Scoobies bond and the older they got, the more distance we had from them as characters, the more OOC it felt like everyone started behaving, So, I’ll start with s4, buckle in this is gonna be long lol.

Season 4

So as usual, I like the idea of season 4. The gang has graduated, they’re growing up, and trying to find their place in such a big pond. On top of that, the Initiative is on campus (which makes sense, you can’t just blow up a high school and there are no repercussions for that, and it’s kinda cool the idea of instead of a govn’t lockdown, they infiltrate Sunnydale and are running experiments to weaponize demons. Clever, fun. I like it.), and ofc Buffy’s given up having a normal life, but now she just wants a normal relationship, and doesn’t even get that. I’m on board. Especially the idea that the gang inadvertently drifts away from each other because that’s real. That happens when you go away to college, even if you go away together. So my issues, are rooted in the details. 

Maggie Walsh turned into this weird obsessive surrogate mother, who wanted to get Buffy out of the way, except the execution was so sloppy. I LIKED commanding, no nonsense, bitch monster from hell Maggie Walsh, and I would have liked to see that follow through in how she attempts to dispose of Buffy, and how she handles Riley. She becomes this soft, weirdly maternal unhinged force after trying to kill Buffy, and I don’t really understand why. I would have liked to see more of that motherly role, while still rooted in that commander in chief sort of aura she exudes when we first meet her, when it comes to Riley. I also thought her death came too soon, like they just didn’t know what to do with her after she executed her function *coughs in the Anointed One* of creating tension between Buffy and Riley (which, honestly, his being in the Initiative at all would have been enough conflict if they had leaned into that without stuffing so much stuff in there). I definitely would have had Maggie maintain that strength and authority, while softening where necessary to emotionally manipulate Riley. I’d make it really clear that Riley is deeply confused because we believe the hold she has on him, and withdrawal on the drugs would have been a nice touch, but I think it came too soon. Which leads me directly into: 

Super cool. I remember when I first watched this on TV and the gang finally rebonded (after a HILARIOUS episode of them finally addressing their conflicts), they’d reached the climax with the Initiative and Adam and Buffy does a very Sailor Moon thing of all the different emotional strengths of her friends bond together to give her enough power to defeat Adam. LOVE IT. 

Except what’s the point? Prof. Walsh created Adam...for what exactly? We never really get a clear, salient reason for that, bc they kill her, and Adam’s exposition is...not sufficient to explain why she had an off the books project to stitch together a...demon son. It’s weird and especially because Adam doesn’t really do all that much, it really leaves me wondering like, what was the point? For me, I feel like, instead of making Adam a spectator for a lot of the drama that takes place in s4, I would have preferred him be the driving force. behind most things. 

Also: Riley’s Black friend would not have been such an angry misogynistic raging asshole because I’m tired of Black people being The Worst to make the white characters look better, more reasonable.

I would have needed a stronger explanation for Adam trying to turn Riley into...whatever that was. 

Willow would have been bi and I absolutely would have, if I went in that direction, had a much more fleshed out discovery of that fact (Because in this world Seth wouldn’t have left lol). I also would have made sure Willow and the actress who played Tara would have had the chemistry they deserved.  

Anya would not have stayed in Sunnydale. She would have left. She was a poor man’s Cordelia and had 0 character growth or interest. 

Season 5

Again, love the ideas. Suddenly Buffy has a sister we ALL knew wasn’t there before? A God shows up? What I love(d) about Buffy is that the escalations felt so natural? Like it didn’t feel like the show was like HoW dO wE oUtDo oURsElVes aGaIN?! It felt more organic like, well, yeah, the govnt. Oh shit, a GOD? D A M N! And Glory had personality! She was crazy! And it also matches alongside Buffy’s coming to grips with her own abilities. She’s one of the oldest slayers on record at this point, watching her in s1 and in s5 you SEE, her skill level is above and beyond, and now she meets a foe that still provides such a challenge, Buffy is scared. LOVE IT.

So Spike, getting neutered, was interesting at first, but it really starts to wear out its welcome for me, about this time. My problem being, he poses so little of a threat, that all his scenes start to feel like filler and not like they’re driving the plot forward in any useful way. His obsession with Buffy becoming sexual, was INLINE for Spike, but I liked Spike because he was a DICK, he was also dangerous, and after a lot of hilarious moments in S4, watching his basically creep around Buffy’s house and try to manipulate her into spending time together (which felt soooo pathetic to me in a way I didn’t like) and like, the Buffy bot (fucking ew) all season was just, not a fun time. I think, for me, I would have had Spike maintain his dignity as a character and I absolutely would not have had him threaten Dru’s life to drive home his obsession for Buffy. Ew. Yuck. Cringe. I just think there had to be more that Spike could do this season than run around chasing Buffy’s coattails. 

One again, Tara/Willow. Tara had no character development (even in an episode that was created to provide her with development? I definitely would have made use of that episode to create more ACTUAL depth for her character) so then to turn around and have her become mindless for basically the REST of the season, is just, rude lol. And because they have no chemistry and their relationship feels so...baseless, when this moment happens, I don’t feel anything. I don’t believe WIllow would be this angry, this heartbroken, this devastated that she’d take in such dark magicks and blindly go after Glory. I’d believe it if it were Oz, but Tara/Willow do not get the same level of build up and relationship establishing for me to buy this. I would have changed that.

Unpopular opinion, but I also would have made Dawn less of an UTTERLY irritating, shrill, whiny, screaming white tween. I get it, she was supposed to be the baby. But I get nothing from watching a white girl who is mostly just bored and irritated with her life, start shoplifting from her sister’s friends and in general, because she’s kinda sad sometimes. Get a grip. The only time I feel bad for her is when she finds out she’s not real. Actual problems. Wicked, I’m on board. But I think I would have just made her less fucking annoying and whiny and a lot more sympathetic. She still could have been frustrating and bratty, but in a way that was a bit more likeable, so that in those moments where she’s *genuinely* struggling, you feel for her on a broader scope. I would not have made her do all of those incredibly infuriating, incredibly stupid things, like running away in the middle of a dangerous situation. Because it ends up reading to me, like Buffy’s anger, frustration and criticisms of Dawn aren’t her being too hard on her as the eldest, as the Slayer, but accurate because Dawn is a horrendous nightmare of a new human being with no real redeeming qualities. Definitely a better ways to execute that. 

Also, I feel like this season is where the Scoobies drift again, but this time we aren’t really addressing it? Buffy’s dealing with Joyce getting sick, Riley being a POS, Spike stalking her, and she never leans on Willow for any of it. They never even really talk about any of the things going on. It’s such a missed opportunity to lean back into the core gang navigating growing up together. Willow is now basically the guardian of her new partner, and again, we don’t really see WIllow lean on Buffy at all. And Giles is preparing to leave, which, to me, felt organic. He felt like Buffy had outgrown him, but I think he was also trying to rediscover himself, but is pulled back into being a Watcher and he seems both grateful and disappointed. I would have liked to, I donno, make that a little clearer. Also what is Xander doing at this point? He’s outgrown his usefulness as well, so he kinda just becomes a hanger’s on. If Xander doesn’t just leave Sunnydale after s3 or 4. He needs to do *something*, he should have been reintegrated into the group in a new way if it wasn’t through school. 

Season 6 

This is so hard. I feel like this season is just, SO dark, SO heavy, and absent the levity that had been established up til s4. But it’s also really earned. Buffy is going through it. The layers are wonderful. I LOVE IT. But I also needed like...emotional breaks? And this is also kinda where I needed the scoobies to feel like scoobies, and trying to figure out how to help their friend.  Xander and Willow have been friends their entire lives, and season 3 really fleshes out that emotional shorthand they have, but it’s so quickly abandoned in s4 and onward. Suddenly Willow/Xander feel like strangers with Anya and Tara between them. I feel like there should have been more moments of Xander and Willow just..being, and struggling with Buffy’s loss together in a way that only the two of them really understand because like Buffy said Xander has a piece of her that Oz, and so then Tara, can’t reach. That should be a constant thoroughline. Xander should have been the first person to see something wasn’t quite right with Willow and the magic. 

Giles should have left earlier to give more time between him leaving and Buffy coming back. I like the idea of Giles beginning to build a life for himself in England and literally dropping everything once he found out Buffy was back. I emotionally hate the conflict of Willow threatening Giles, but I like it as a character development issue, and Giles definitely should have side eyed Willow, maybe even brought up his concerns later with Xander. 

I think I also would have had Spike leave Sunnydale and come back when Buffy does. I didn’t need a reformed Spike, and it would have been interesting to see him ingratiate himself with the group now that Buffy is back, and he’s the only one who sees how much pain she’s in. 

I HATED Warren and the group. The disgustingly overwhelming and unchecked misogyny and Warren was INSANELY unlikeable. I don’t need to like him, but I needed some catharsis way before we got it. He was HORRENDOUS. 

Even in death, Tara is bland. 

Willow’s magic addiction legit comes out of nowhere. I needed more organic build up than Amy, who has been a rat for like 3 years, suddenly being like “hey I know this guys who can give us magic drugs!” 

The chasm between Willow and Buffy this season would have hit if they hadn’t been distant since s3. 

I think we needed the seeds for Dark!Willow planted a lot earlier like I described. 

Also a lot more evidence that Willow was running away from her nerdy past because when it comes up here, it’s completely left field.

This would have hit harder if they still felt close. 

Season 7

Fuck man, the whole thing was awful. But I ESPECIALLY would have thrown out that left field retcon of Buffy having been in an asylum. I lost sleep over that shit lol.

 But I would have totally rewritten season 7. If Spike’s involvement was necessary (it wasn’t), then I absolutely would not have had her defend him against Wood and Giles. I would have had her treat him extremely coolly. Like a tool they require. There would have been *some* level of redemption for him that was believable within the confines of his character, but not so much that we forget he’s an assaulter.

 The Potentials would have been WAY fucking less horrendously annoying and I really would have leaned into conflict avoidance with the scoobies that reaches a peak when Xander loses his eye. Giles and Buffy would have renegotiated their adult parent/child relationship in a far healthier way and we would have had a lot more interiority with Buffy like we’ve had, pretty much since the show’s inception. 

Angel would have been there when Buffy was isolated and alone, not Spike. Because #bangel4lyfe lmao. They still woulda kissed as a “greeting” lol. Buffy would not have told Spike she loved him, or that she ever loved him. She woulda told that dude thank you and dipped out of the cave lol. 

[keyofjetwolf]

Just when you thought it was safe to be a piece of shit

I jumped into Season 5 of BoJack this morning, fresh from my rewatch of the entire series, start to finish. I’d already seen all the previous seasons, but it was a couple years ago; S4 was just wrapping up, and I hadn’t touched it since. Not for lack of interest! Quite the contrary, I thought season 4 particularly was some incredibly strong storytelling all around, and I was completely blown away by its penultimate episode “Time’s Arrow”. But there was Life And Things, and I didn’t make the time for S5, so I also didn’t watch S6 when it aired, and by the time I thought about picking it back up, I knew I’d want to rewatch the whole thing to put it all in context, which meant MORE time, and anyway, you can see where @docholligay​ was finally “Fuck it, I’m sponsoring this.”

All the impetus I needed, clearly. That rewatch I did, and I’m glad for it, as I’d forgotten so many details, AND how fucking good this show is. It’s funny and dark and incredibly uncomfortable in ways that aren’t always flattering, and I love it. I didn’t RE-rewatch “Time’s Arrow” before starting today, but I had to wrestle myself out of it, that’s how much I wanted to.

So it was with some surprise that I found myself not really enjoying Season 5 as much as was expecting.

I SHOULDN’T have expected to. That was my first mistake. We left BoJack in a really good place, with a smile and a hope and the opportunity to maybe maybe maybe finally crawl out of the pit he’s constantly trying to bury himself in. He didn’t have the responsibility of fatherhood, but the promise of brotherhood. Hollyhock is a pretty alright kid, fundamentally fucked up juuuust enough to remind him of himself, and with the kind of love and support he’s always craved. If she can be okay, then maybe he can be okay, too.

Or, from another angle, if she can be okay, then he’ll have the proof he’s always wanted that every bad thing he’s ever done wasn’t REALLY his fault.

OH BOJACK YOU ABSOLUTELY SHIT WILL YOU NEVER LEARN

Maybe at the end of the series you finally will, I don’t know. But certainly not right now. You can’t learn. You never learning is the point.

One of the strengths of the show, though, is how BoJack gets opportunity after opportunity after opportunity to NOT be a piece of shit. To be a better person, to not be so selfish and self-centered and lazy and spiteful and BAD. We know it’s in there! We get these incredible little flashes of the sort of person he could be, if he’d just try a little harder, if he’d just put in the effort to be better today than he was yesterday.

That was my mistake, coming in: BoJack ended Season 4 with the high, and like any good roller coaster, it’s the slow tip at the top that makes the plummet to the bottom so heady.

That’s these beginning episodes of Season 5. Setting the stage(s), arranging the pieces back on the board, getting everything in motion for the drop to come.

WHICH I THINK WE JUST HIT HARD

First, yay Ana Spanakopita! Second: OOO

I love SO hard how this is NOT GOING AWAY. Both in how the show has never played any of this as remotely okay, but also in how it haunts BoJack. It’s his lowest moment, and he’s using it as a finely crafted weapon to bludgeon himself. But WHILE ALSO taking a perverse sort of ... pride isn’t the right word, but desire to have MATTERED in some way, even if it was a truly awful way. His insistence that he’s ruined Penny’s life, despite all apparent evidence to the contrary (see also the incredible “That’s Too Much, Man!”, ps what is with this show and penultimate season enders??), carries a perverse need to have impacted her life, even if that impact was traumatizing for her. The idea that BoJack could have mattered so little is MORE abhorrent to him than the actions themselves.

THAT IS INDEED TOO MUCH MAN I SEE YOU SHOW

So now we have what I think is the last tip before we go into free fall. BoJack is trying (kinda) to drink less and be sober more. He’s trying (kinda) to be a good friend to Princess Carolyn and Diane. HE ACTUALLY CONNECTED SOME DOTS ALL ON HIS OWN ABOUT FEMINISM. That I put that in caps, by the way, further makes the show’s point about how low our bar is for men on this, and well fucking done, by the way, kudos.

Will all that ACTUALLY mean BoJack is going to do better? Well, that’s the question, isn’t it? He’s about to be tested again, another opportunity is approaching. What he’ll do with that is the entire show premise. But whichever path he takes this time would mean so much less without these slower episodes establishing for us where he, and everyone else, are standing. It’s a thing I dearly love about Bojack Horseman: it takes the time it needs to give you insight into where the characters are and what’s around them.

It gives the characters enough rope to hang themselves.

SPEAKING OF HOW’S THAT GOING FOR YOU DIANE

Diane is such an interesting character, in a show pretty much overflowing with interesting characters. She makes such a good compare/contrast with BoJack, in that it’s easy to look at Diane and say “What a good person!” She’s smart and funny, if awkward and plain (by Hollywoo standards). She’s socially and politically aware and cares about important issues. She wants to make the world better!

Only, does she? Much like BoJack, Diane is given opportunity after opportunity to Do Good, both personally and professionally. And she tries! (Most times, sort of.) It often blows up in her face, or isn’t what she expected, or it gets really hard, but she tries! Until she doesn’t. Until she runs back home, and can’t face her husband and the reality of her giving up, so she hides at BoJack’s house and stays drunk for months. Until she gets what she wants, and keeps getting what she wants, and then ruining it all because she never actually wanted it. and doesn’t know what to do once she has it anyway.

Like I said, she and BoJack can be frighteningly alike.

If I had to pick an overall favourite character, though, it’d probably be Princess Carolyn. 

Oh she’s fucked up too, but in a much more together sort of way. She’s as much the voice of reason as is anyone in this show, and I want her to get her little family SO MUCH. (Jesus wept, I forgot all about “Ruthie” until my rewatch and it PUNCHED ME IN THE FUCKING GUT.) These first few episodes though didn’t really do a hell of a lot for PC though, save for basically having her ONE AGAIN wound up in BoJack’s terrible, terrible orbit.

If that sounds like a complaint, it isn’t. I love the way the show explores the push and the pull, how it’s one thing to want to leave someone, to know you SHOULD leave someone, and yet how hard that can be. How even when you make that break, the potential to fall back into bad habits never really leaves you. EVERYTHING about this show is difficult, for everybody, all the time, and nothing good happens without effort.

Unless, of course, you’re Mr. Peanutbutter.

If you thought I’d love Mr. Peanutbutter, well, YOU’RE RIGHT I DO. And I’m DEEPLY interested in where ultimately his character is going to go. Of all the main characters, I feel he’s the one with the least depth to him, but then I think that’s the point, too. Every protagonist needs a foil, and for BoJack, that would be Mr. Peanutbutter, the guy who life has basically handed everything, including being generally too stupid to feel bad about anything, especially himself.

But that’s not entirely true. For all that he’s BoJack’s bright, sunny, charisma-filled opposite, no matter what he tried to do for Diane, it wasn’t enough. And as his third wife, it’s probably safe to say he tried hard with his previous wives too, with equal success. The show plays up the dog element of Mr. Peanutbutter a bit harder than it does many of the other animal people on the show, and included in that is how “his person” is the true center of Mr. PB’s world. But he can’t hold them, he can’t keep them wanting to be around him, and while it’s quickly undercut with a laugh, he more than once expressed genuine fear that Diane would leave him. Now she has, and while we’ve not yet seen any fallout from that (focusing instead on how he’s immediately found a new girlfriend), I strongly suspect we will.

I’m not sure if this “tough guy role” situation is going to go further than the episode in which it featured, but I DO think it has long-term potential as the latest in a string of things Mr. PB has wanted, but couldn’t make happen for himself, and how unusual that is for him. He’s the cheerful optimistic one, sure, but what does that mean when he’’s also never really felt any of life’s pressures to be otherwise?

Then there was Todd.

Todd, I pretty much never know what the fuck they’re going to do with you, and after these four episodes, I see we’re not going to change that now. I did some thinking on Todd though, on his place in what I feel are the show’s overarching themes, and I THINK Todd is by and large an example of what we should strive for. He’s kind and generous, he loves to help and is always there when people need him, and perhaps embodying what I think is the show’s greatest message, even when Todd fucks up, he keeps trying.

Of all the main characters, I think Todd has grown the most, to the point where he pretty much doesn’t even INTERACT with BoJack any more. (NOR SHOULD HE.) Todd is getting really good about setting (and enforcing!) his boundaries, to the point where he’s developing his own circle of characters outside of the show. They even make a fucking JOKE about it.

Every season, Todd is feeling like he fits in less with this show, but I don’t think that’s the show not knowing what to do with him, I think it’s by design. Todd is outgrowing this story, he’s moving on, and it’s hard not to be happy for him for that.

We’ll see, of course. We’re only four episodes in, and if we stick with my roller coaster analogy, there’s a whole lot of track left ahead of us. Wherever we’re set to go, the one thing I feel pretty confident in is that it won��t be a smooth ride for anyone.

[pengychan]

[Coco] Holy Fuck - Fake Priest AU

Title: Holy Fuck Summary: The missing sex scene between chapter 14 and 15 of Nuestra Iglesia, which no one asked for but @senoraluna​ and I wrote anyway. Characters: Ernesto de la Cruz, OC. Rating: Explicit.

A/N: We got nothing to say in our defense. Check this out on Ao3 to see @senoraluna​’s art!

***

This was happening. He was here. 

Father John Johnson had to reiterate it in his mind, lest his own frenzied thoughts convinced him that Father Ernest in his room at nearly midnight was only another dream. He didn’t wish to question it again, allow any voice of doubt or any testing of wills, or he would lose his nerve entirely. Besides, from the strange - oddly amused, he would dare say - smile Father Ernest wore, it didn’t seem the man had come to any sort of realization that he should not violate his vows this way. The burden laid on him alone to either back out of the experiment or proceed. Someone was going to have to speak - he was going to have to speak because it dawned on him he was practically holding his breath. 

“I meditated the most efficient means to preserve as much of our modesty and dignity possible during this… sin,” he muttered. “If you simply turn about, kneel on the bed, lift your clothing, we should hopefully conclude within a brief few minutes and escape with… as much… discretion we can during something so unclean.” 

Now when he had rehearsed this plan in his head, and then aloud to the wall, it had seemed so very logical and precise. However the look Father Ernest was giving him suggested he had spoken in English or said something just physically impossible. 

Had he gotten it wrong? Truth be told his intimate details of sodomy came from limited sources; quickly passed sights in busy city allyways, piecing a visual picture of confessional details, and some faded, black and white prints of old vulgar vases in history books of the pagan Greeks. 

Unaware of his thoughts, Ernesto kept staring for several moments. Oh Jesus Christ he really thought Ernesto was going to let him top, didn’t he? If not entirely taken aback by the nerve of his, Ernesto might have laughed. The situation as a whole was slightly surreal, truth be told - there he was, about to fuck the insufferable white priest - but that absolutely took the cake. 

A few brief minutes, he said. Well, of course it would be a very short matter if he let the gringo lead; then he would be done and Ernesto would not. That idiota failed to grasp was that he hadn’t bothered to get there for a few short minutes. 

Well, no trouble. He was about to let that be known.

“If you think I’m letting you anywhere near my ass while you don’t have the first clue of what you’re doing, you’re very much mistaken,” he muttered, crossing his arms. “I’m the one with prior experience here. So, you kneel on the bed.”

Fine, maybe that wasn't the most charming he'd ever been, but Padre Juan had a way to get under his skin. Figuratively. Whether he would ever allow that to happen in a literal sense, it remained to be seen.

“And allow you to-?” Juan’s face burned an even deeper shade than Ernesto had ever seen. “Oh no, no , I have read the, er- you know- the… texts on sodomy and it is the more mature man, the elder, the wiser , who is meant to lead t e act. ” He underlined each point with a gesture of the hand holding the candle, and gestured at the cot behind him. Lengthy statements when it was obvious he could hardly be much older. “And do watch your language there’s no reason for us to be crude about this. Besides I had gathered you hardly know much more than I!”

All right, fine, Ernesto thought. Fuck him, and not in the way he'd been intending to.

"Well. Since you're so old and wise, then you can certainly sort this out on your own," he said, and turned to the door. Amazing, how quickly he’d manage to piss him off. Almost a new record.

John watched him take a few steps, holding his breath. There it was, an out. Every chance to let this end without his own courage failing him. But then- how would he ever know? How could he fix this miserable state so he was no longer going around, maddened with repugnant fantasies distracting him from duties, like some deranged pagan? 

He’d been a proper priest for six years now, and never in all his time had he found leading a mass so distracting, or prayer so hypocritical when his mind was stuffed with thoughts about his fellow Father. How much longer until it became so unbearable the church learned he was slipping and cast him out? 

“Wait,” he mustered. “I wasn’t… seeking to offend you I do recognize you are…” And all he tried to hide reared itself forward in the volume his voice fell. “Doing me a great favor.” Another swallow, a gulp of his pride. “I am extremely out of my depth here and- and incredibly nervous.”

Ernesto paused, and turned slowly. He could see it plain as day now, the fear on Padre Juan's face, born of desperate hope and great terror of the pits of Hell. Was that bullshit about being his elder and more experienced an attempt at hiding all that? Of course it was. He could see that now.

Had he been more self-aware, Ernesto might have thought he knew something about hiding fear and doubts behind a thick layer of bluster and forced confidence - but he wasn't self-aware enough, and he did not think of that. What he did think was that, for the entire thing to go anywhere, Juan really needed to relax. He would probably be tight as a coiled spring otherwise, making sex pretty difficult for both. 

Ernesto had no desire to make that night… anything at all like the nights in the barracks. So he drew in a long breath, and turned fully to face him. "Then let me lead. I know what I'm doing."

For the first time, the unrelenting pair seemed to reach a decision where one surrendered without a migraine-inducing battle. John’s white flag came in a forced heavy exhale. 

“...So be it. How do you believe we should… go on then?” For such a self-assured leader of sermons, stumbling over words like this was so forgein and humiliating. 

And ah, what a chance that was for Ernesto - shoving him in the role of pupil for once, with him as the teacher of far more enjoyable lessons than the proper way to hold hosts during the Holy Communion. He held back a smile that would have been more of a grin, and nodded. Time to take charge. "Put the candle on the nightstand."

“The candle, of course, I wouldn’t dream of shaming us-” John startled, and swiftly blew it out.

Ah. That was… not what he had in mind. "... Juan." Ernesto's voice rang out through near-complete darkness. "I can't see a thing ."

“Oh good, good. I worried the moonlight would be too bright--” 

"I told you to put it down, not to blow it out. Do you have any matches?" Ernesto spoke slowly, chasing away the mental image of his hand hitting the back of Juan's head, repeatedly. It was tempting, but hard to achieve while unable to see anything.

“Ah, Ernest ,” The gringo had the audacity to punctuate his ‘correct’ form of names in response to his own being said in Spanish. “You’re not… proposing we look upon each other’s bare forms in the light?” 

"You can shut your eyes. I need to be able to see what I'm doing," Ernesto muttered. Truth be told he would probably be able to get things done in the dark with some patience, but with that last remark on his name good old Juan had used up all his extra rations of patience for the night.

“Ab- absolutely not!” the usually authoritative retort came out like a choke on bad wine. “We must be able to look upon each other in the future following this night with...with purity and without desire and if we see each other then…” he only realized the hole he was digging himself into once he’d said too much. 

Listen to him going, Ernesto thought, like he wasn’t struggling to even look at him as things were already. He smiled. "Ah, but is this not meant to test you?" Ernesto asked, sounding just a little smug. He stepped closer, blindly. Now that, Juan could not argue. 

“Test me, sí, but not ruin the purity of our relationship.” 

“ ‘To the pure all things are pure’. ” Ernesto couldn’t remember the rest of the verse, he only recalled that one because he’d read it over in mass a week ago. He couldn’t remember how it was in Latin either, but he didn’t need to: a simple test of who was more moral was all he needed to win. He took a step forward, now less than an inch away from Juan. Now either he’d admit to being less pure than him, or he’d go grab the matchbox. 

“I’ll...I’ll grab the matchbox,” the gringo relented, or perhaps searched for an excuse to scutter away. Even in the darkness, one could feel the body heat.

Ah, Ernesto thought, finally talking sense. He stood there in the dark and, as he waited, loosened his collar and began to unbutton the cassock. By the time a match was struck, casting a tremulous light in the room, his chest was bared. The air was a little chilly, but no matter; he’d get a chance to warm up soon enough.

John nearly tripped over his own bare feet when he turned about to the sight. “Oh you’re- uh- why are you… undressing?” he struggled to keep a neutral tone as he his eyes darted around the room like an incensed man, to gaze upon anything but the bare, brown, and clearly… robust body. 

Ernesto shrugged, keeping his tone casual. "What we plan on doing can hardly be achieved with clothes on - and certainly you do not want me to defile the holy cloth by wearing it during the act, do you?" he added, and pushed it off his shoulders. "I was rather surprised you suggested as much earlier."

Realization hit John like a slap. “Sí! We musn’t defile-- right -- I hadn’t expected you to show up wearing--” he stammered, struggling to not let the novice priest realize he had just remembered protocol better than himself. Not that there was precisely a protocol for… that kind of situation. It was simply not meant to happen. 

But oh God, John was so desperate.

“I’ll just-- give you your privacy, but... I will leave on my shift, it is... not a holy garment.” Then he closed his eyes, as if that would make Ernest’s nudity non-existent. It however didn’t counter the terrible part of himself that, especially below the waist, was painfully eager to see it. 

"Well then, do as you said earlier. Kneel on the bed, and worry of nothing." The smile was audible in Ernesto’s tone. It was like magic. Without a protest, a haughty look, a fuss, or even disapproving frown, Juan complied doing just that. And all this time he’d just needed to be naked. Well, that was… good to know. An effective way to shut him up, if not one he could use in public. 

Ernesto reached in a pocket to take a small bottle of anointing oil before discarding his cassock entirely, stepping closer to the bed. It was… almost alluring, seeing Juan like that: on his hands and knees, head bowed, waiting. Of course, that shift was in the way - but it was hardly a problem. 

Sitting behind him, Ernesto placed a hand over his ass through the thin fabric, giving it a firm squeeze.

“What in all creation!” 

The words jumped from John’s mouth so quickly it sounded like one. In an instant he recognized it was English, and cleared his throat and lowered his eyes. “Lo siento, I wasn’t expecting-- you’ll have to warn me.” 

When was the last time he had been touched anywhere forbidden? Boyhood surely, back in a time of innocence. Baths by the maids - and even in childhood he and the other boys knew better than to behave so vulgarly. And since he was cast out, he could only recall the rare hug initiated from the weeping women he comforted in his parish in America. No Mexican had been so grateful yet. Ironic, considering their habit of over-touching one another. 

Ernesto blinked, taken aback by the outburst, then chuckled. No man he'd been with had reacted like that to a simple touch, let alone in the army. It probably would have had the same effect regardless of who touched him, but Ernesto still found it… quite flattering. "Ah, my apologies. I will be careful." He placed his hand back on the gringo's rear, but didn't squeeze again. "I will pull up the shift now. All right?"

Oh God, getting warnings was only going to make it worse, wasn’t it? Just hearing him say it made John’s pulse quicken to a degree he could nearly hear it in his own ears. A fine layer of sweat coated his palms, making the coarse, nun-knit blanket beneath him damp. 

“Of course, of course, anything you deem necessary to get it over with. On second thought you needn’t… tell me everything.” 

Ernesto raised an eyebrow, and slowly pulled up the shift, exposing his rear. Somehow, it was… even whiter than the rest of him; he supposed it had likely never never been touched by the sun. He ran a hand over it and ah, it was soft . Even the hair was fine and blonde, reminding him of a baby chick - decidedly not a very seductive thing to point out, so he decided not to.

The gringo kept quiet, probably with every ounce of willpower, but then there was a strange humming sound. Almost like music, except that Padre Juan truly disliked secular music. "No?"

“No, or I will.. lose my nerve.” 

"Very well," Ernesto said, hand still on his ass. He stroked his thumb over it, and licked his lips. Ah, Padre Juan was far from a beauty, but the sight made his breath quicken all the same, his cock beginning to stir. It had been a  while since he’d last had a man. Dribbling some of the anointing oil in his hand, he slid his hand between his thighs, brushing it against his testicles. "Spread your legs a little."

“Why is your hand… wet?” John forced out the words like he was speaking against a gag. Which he nearly was, the amount his embarrassment was making every part of his body tense and lock, along with his subconscious attempt to bury his face in his hanging nightgown.

A hand was on his genitals.  

A hand that was not his. Dear God in Heaven. 

“Oil. To make it easier,” Ernesto said, choosing to omit the fact it was anointing oil, not something he’d just grabbed from the kitchen. Still, something about the tenseness of Juan’s back made him pause. He fell silent for a few moments and, for the first time, he hesitated. 

“... It’s not bound to work. We can stop.”

“You…” A note of surprise entered Juan’s voice. A few seconds passed, then a firmer press to his words slipped in his voice. “... I have to try. Even if you believe a remote possibility, I need a solution. I’m...desperate,” he admitted. 

It was a possibility, Ernesto supposed; back in the barracks, many men had wanted nothing more to do with the-- arrangement many of them had, after the first try. Ernesto didn’t precisely plan on leaving Padre Juan bleeding - he made it tempting but not like that, something in him balked at the prospect - but perhaps, once he did try, he would find he no longer desired it. That would be a bit of a blow to Ernesto’s pride, but he could handle that. Probably.

“... All right.” He pushed his thighs apart, just a little. And after all, if it kept the gringo here, whether he enjoyed it or not-- there would be no harm done right? He was clearly the type of man who could do with a release of pent-up tension. 

John resisted asking what the point of his actions were. Why a hand was rubbing oil, why his legs had to be parted to such a vulgar, showy position, and oh there was his answer. One of the fingers was there-- that untouchable, horrid little hole, that acted like a trigger making John’s head snap up. 

“Ah-- must you touch-- that’s rather unsanitary, do you have to soil your hand with… with...” his mind spun so quickly he could barely keep his words in order.  

“Just getting you ready.” Ernesto’s voice came out a little huskier than usual. “I know what I’m doing.” The other hand, the one without oil on it, came up to rub the small of his back, trying to soothe him. He was wound up like the spring of a clock, of course, just like expected.

Apparently there were more steps to this than ‘bend over and be done with it’ as John had bargained. So the man braced himself, closed his eyes and attempted to think of something else. God? No, too much guilt. Texas? Too sorrowful. Nature? God’s wonders- whoops, back to God again. Cigarettes. There, that was something to focus on. He could smoke as soon as this was over and calm down.

But the moment he began to allow his body even a little distraction, something worse crept in. Something even more forgein than the impure touches. It started as a tingle, like the faintest tremble of the smallest harp string, a pleasant noise so soft it could be easily overlooked unless you were holding the instrument and felt the reverberations through it. Something was being triggered from the finger circling his hole, and it was strange enough to distract him until he felt Ernesto’s finger begin to press against it. His mind stilled. There was guilt, there was horror, there was terror, there was unholy desire for more. “Is that-- are you-- are we doing the deed?” 

“Getting you ready.” That reassuring tone again, the hand still rubbing the small of his back - then the oiled finger pressed in a bit more, just enough to breach.

“You mean-- your finger...?” he choked out. It was important to remember he was a virgin, or Ernesto would be so royally offended. Honestly, only a virgin could mistake a finger for his cock. He was much thicker than that, thank you so very much. 

“Sí. Don’t worry.”

“Easier said than done, there’s something in -” No no, John mustn't allow himself to go into details or he may very well faint from the shock of all this. Instead he lifted one shaky arm to clutch the dangling gold cross around his neck. “C-carry on. I should like to hurry this along.” 

You really shouldn’t, Ernesto thought, unless you really want to explain to doctor Sanchéz how come you showed at his door with a torn-up asshole.

But saying any of that aloud would have probably made Padre Juan faint, so he bit his tongue and pushed in deeper instead - slowly, because damn was he tight. If he didn’t know better, he might have thought that he could lose a finger if he just clenched. His other hand kept rubbing the small of his back, trying to get him to loosen up. 

“Hmmmph...,” Another humming, muffled, noise from John, his face reddening as he found himself sink further to his elbows when a sudden ripple ran up his body from something odd the finger had stroked. The string of a harp again - but someone had just taken their whole damn hand and twanged a large string roughly making the entire instrument shake. He didn’t dare speak, it chanced a weird sound leaping out, or even worse acknowledging that whatever was happening right now was not, as expected, hoped and planned, miserably painful.

Quite the contrary, it sent shivers of pleasure up his spine - something that was not at all lost to Ernesto, because the gringo was… definitely not as good an actor as himself. There was no way he was simply clenching his ass around the finger for a show. 

“Surely it is ready,” Juan suddenly exclaimed, the words forced out from clenched teeth. 

Ernesto frowned, more than slightly offended. His cock may be on the shorter side, all right, but it was thick, had the idiota not noticed that?

“I know what I’m doing,” he muttered, and hooked his finger, pressing down on a spot that, if he was not mistaken-- ah, yes, now that moan was music to his ears. The next moment there was a muffled wince, the gringo biting something to stifle the possibility of another one. Of course. He’d gathered that Americans hate kissing, making noise, and this was all that rolled into a convenience package. 

John had never experienced anything like it, and from the strange jolt it sent to his own member, it was undeniably a sinful experience. It no longer hung anxiously between his legs but twitched upward, straight, a state he had awoken in horror many mornings to find it in - and thus then prayed away. 

Good God, he could not pray now. 

“Is- isn’t ready?” Even his voice had changed, lowering to a strange, husky, tone he’d never heard from himself before. 

"You need to try and relax," Ernesto said, and suddenly shifted - from sitting behind him to kneeling, and reached between his thighs with his free hand, palming at his cock. To no surprise whatsoever, he found him hard. "You're being more impatient than I expected."

“I, I just- just want to be cured is all, t-that is my impatience and lack of virtue-” The combined hands were making John’s words slur. Even from the light brushes he could feel warmth, a callous texture - all these things seeming to hit several strings at once making whatever was happening in him even louder. “Por favor, I-- I just want to get on with it-- you needn’t-- needn’t caress me like this.” 

Ah, right. Ernesto pulled back his hand, and hesitated a moment before sliding the finger out, nearly all the way, then back in - and once sure there was no pain, he pulled back some to press in another finger.

"You know, that's-- normal. As in, to be expected. You being hard." Who wouldn't want me? "I- have the same, uh, issue,” he added. Because damn he was hard, cock throbbing each time he allowed himself to pause and really look at the man before him, on his hands and knees, shift bunched up around his waist. He was no beauty but ah, he was soft - pudgy, more accurately - and smelled good, and he couldn't remember the last time a man had been so turned on by his touch alone.

“I understand basic human anatomy, and the sexual response in human beings.” 

It was delightfully vindicating that Juan’s attempt at a sharp, snobbish remark came out in what sounded like a drunken man’s slur, barely stitching each word together. “If you have the- the correct issue then do what you must with your member.” 

Ah, he certainly had a way to make this fun didn’t he? Ernesto might have rolled his eyes, if not for the fact he was so amusing to hear. He pushed in the entire second finger, slowly, and shifted to lean across his back, reaching around him to run a hand across his chest. His cock brushed against Juan's thigh, hot and hard, tip already wet enough to smear pre-come across his ridiculously white skin. He could feel the scars on his back too, rougher than the rest on him, against his chest.

"Soon," he murmured against his ear.

“Why the delay?” John mustered. That was it wasn’t it? The hot flesh against his leg. He couldn’t discern which emotion started a quiver in his thighs at the realization. “I am not afraid of pain, I welcome it, it will cure me.” 

"And get you on the position of having to explain the médico how come you have a torn asshole." Ernesto's voice was a little dry now. "I told you, I know what I'm doing." He scissored his fingers briefly, nuzzling the nape of his neck. Up close he smelled ever nicer, enough to forget how annoying he was, of incense and old wood and anointing oils. The only out of place smell was of faint tobacco too, which he could only assume came from a parishioner. It was… a world away from everything the barracks had been.

And it seemed the scissoring quelled any further protest from John. His shoulder blades rose as his back curled higher, his body struggling to react to whatever new feeling was being rushed through up his spine in high violent waves now. Without much realization he sank further into the bed-gripping the pillow to bite and hide his feverish, heated, face. Against his palm, the crucifix nearly punctured the skin from his grip. 

“I can’t-- por favor I can’t handle that, can-- can we get on with it?” It was an agonized groan a more experienced man would recognize as his own need for relief. In John’s case, it was his hope to replace this building sensation with something more muted. 

It wasn't every day someone begged Ernesto to fuck him. As in, it had happened, but not as often as he felt it ought to have. All right, maybe it wasn't precisely the fuck he was begging for, but he could twist the truth a bit. The gringo wanted him to get on with it, and get on with it he would. So he lifted himself, pulled out his fingers, dribbled more oil on his erection, and gripped his hips.

For the second, and surely not the last time that night, John was heavily humbled. The instant he could feel Ernest’s member pressed against his body, well, he felt quite foolish for having assumed his finger before was it. It felt terribly large, like its girth would tear him apart, and to his dismay his attentive member seemed to hop in delight at the prospect despite his more logical fears. Disgusting he thought of himself, trying his best to think on a prayer for this situation but Latin was so muddled in his mind at the moment.

It took every ounce of Ernesto's willpower not to just shove himself in. He could have-- he asked for it-- but at the same time, he worried he might cause tearing that might require medical attention. That would be inconvenient, and besides… besides, he didn't want that. No such care was taken on the barracks, either, and Ernesto didn't wish this to feel anything like it did those nights, much like he never wanted to return there. 

So, when he began prodding the entrance, he did so very, very slowly.

“D-deus meus, ex toto corde paenitet--” The whisper was a soft hissing sound from between Juan’s clenched teeth. Well people had called out to God before in bed with Ernesto but this was… new. Ernesto bit back a retort - “you can call me Ernesto” - before he gripped his hips a little tighter. 

Christ, everything about that man was smooth and soft, and it was warm, and the temptation to sink in and take his pleasure was hard to resist. He honestly couldn’t recall this much time ever passing between getting in someone’s bed and actually getting his cock in. Yet, despite being painfully hard, he forced himself to go slowly. A long breath and slow, careful push - letting only the very tip slip inside. He tilted his hips in circular movements, to ease it in. 

The Latin trailed off to soft wincing breaths. The discomfort was there now, just as John had wished for. He could ignore how his member still twitched with some unanswered want, so long as he focused on the tension in his rear - the stretching that felt impossible to accommodate, oh God what was happening. That is, until Ernesto’s slow movements seemed to give way to a pop of pressure, something settling inside forcing John’s head up with a sharp gasp.

“Is that-- have we… we done it?” Because there, I’m not enjoying it, experiment over, I’m cured. 

Ernesto stilled, still gripping his hips, breathing fast. The air felt scorching hot, his skin covered in sweat. Only the head was in, and the pressure, squeezing , was almost too much. Christ he was tight. Tight enough to make him worry that maybe it would be too much-- he wasn’t ready-- he’d rip something, there would be blood, and he didn’t want there to be blood. 

“Just got started, Juan.”

“You’re… you sound as though you’ve run a mile.” Now he was far too exasperated to snap ‘it’s John’, but in just enough of a state to recognize that. And recognize that seemed to be something his rebellious sex enjoyed. 

Because you’re being such a damn tease would probably not be the correct answer to give, especially as Juan clearly did not mean to be one and likely would need to be explained what Ernesto meant by that, which might result in a heart attack he’d very much rather avoid. However convenient Juan’s sudden and entirely natural death would be to him, at the moment he’d try to keep himself safe without having to kill anybody else. Even the passing thought brought forth invasive images. 

The memory of Alberto’s death - the unprotected back of his head, the gunshot and the spray of blood, the thump as the body fell on the sand beneath the beating sun and the terrified noise his horse had made - made it back in his mind for a brief moment, but Ernesto did his best to chase it away.

And there was no better distraction, he’d learned, than what he was currently in the process of doing. So he licked his lips and pulled back before he leaned in, tilting his hips, carefully pushing back in and then deeper, just another fraction.

“How… how much further?” Of course Juan would be this demanding in bed even without knowing what was even happening. Ernesto rolled his eyes.

“What, are you that eager?”

“I should like to cured, sí, I waited years for this.” Wait that came out wrong. “A cure, I mean, not-- I, ah-- just-- go on then.” Snapping back was difficult when his own breath felt like he was paying for it by the second. 

Ah, Ernesto thought, fuck this guy. Literally - still giving him orders, even like this. Very well, he could follow orders; he’d been trained to do just that, after all, in the army. He wanted to be fucked, and so he would be.

Ernesto scowled and almost, almost shoved in. But… ah, this was still so different, no matter how infuriating the gringo still managed to get even with his face into the pillow and legs spread for him. He was softer - this was softer - and Ernesto found he couldn’t manage to be deliberately harsh. He paused a moment, pulled back, and then he did push back in… but slowly, to avoid tearing. 

“Aren’t-- aren’t you moving terribly slow?” John muttered, oblivious of the great favor he was doing him. 

Oh, for fuck’s sake . “Do you really want to explain doctor Sanchéz how come your asshole is torn and infection is setting in?” The noise of alarm Juan made almost compensated for how annoying he was being.

“I… no. I didn’t consider… c-carry on,” he managed.

Ah, he finally got it, the second or third time he said it. And it looked like he could no longer bring himself to lecture him about cursing, which was a nice plus. Now that was… better, Ernesto supposed. He dared push a little further, rotating his hips - listening closely for any sound of discomfort or pain. Because really, if he did make him bleed, then Juan may not be the only one to find himself having to answer uncomfortable questions.

Truth be told John was so used to treating any sort of pain or blood as a symptom of serving God in the best and most selfless way, he wouldn’t have recognized the issue initially. It was so personal - all his feelings were - Ernest would be the last to know, last he’d tell, if any of this affair caused him terrible pain, even if their bodies were conjoined.  

Yet suddenly, when he was lost in his thoughts, there was no pain. There was that strange ripple of a feeling again from the way Ernest’s hips tilted to that… place in him. The side facing his stomach. That was more alarming than pain; John sucked in his breath and squeezing his eyes shut, hoping it would pass to the tight, sore, discomfort again. 

Except it did not. It was tight, he was so full, but as Ernest leaned down across his back, pushed deeper, there was no pain.

“I… I believe you need to move faster,” he managed in a gasp. 

“Stop telling me what to do,” Ernesto groaned against his ear, pushing a little deeper. A hand reached to stroke his chest, the other down his stomach, between his thighs, just brushing his cock. 

“I- Yo-” John began in English and then slurred into Spanish, which deteriorated into a breathy syllable. The combination of sensations was making him light headed; he desperately searched in the back of his mind for pain, or even just discomfort, but didn't find any. This tingling was like someone was playing an instrument directly in his ear, drowning out all other sensation. 

Another push, a groan - Christ that felt good, so tight around him, and Juan finally being quiet was one hell of a perk. And he took nearly all of him, ah, maybe he was ready. Another groan, and Ernesto rolled his hips, taking a hold of Juan’s cock to stroke it. Full mast, of course he is, who could possibly resist him?

John nearly suffocated himself burying his face in the pillow; the heat and sounds were threatening to spill out of his mouth if he didn’t remain muffled. He couldn’t understand how someone could remain conscious through this. What was happening inside him and across his member threatened to overtake him like the most instant and powerful wine. His own chest was heaving heavily as he’d noticed in Ernest’s breath. God he shouldn’t have lit that candle again, he could only imagine the miserable state his face would be if Ernest moved around him and saw it. 

How could his cursed organ be so erect right now? Every part of this was humiliating - something must be wrong, he must not be doing it right. “A-are you sure, this is, right?” he had to press his words carefully, or else they would come out in gasps and groans. 

All right, Ernesto thought, he’d had it with his constant questioning. Time to shut him up, he thought, and rocked against him, squeezing his cock at the same time - ah, the tip was already wet with precum from it. His other hand wandered up his chest, found a nipple, and pinched. 

That did it, a groan slipped out of the gringo in an undeniable proof of Ernesto’s skill. Around his cock he could feel Juan’s body clench, pulse, build toward a peak. Not another word came out of his heavily accented Spanish questioning Ernesto’s efforts. And the only prayer he heard was ‘Oh God’ . Instead he could focus on just how satisfying it was to have finally found a way to shut him up. 

Not that shutting him up was the only satisfying part. Because oh it felt good, how warm he was around him, beneath him - how good he smelled, too. Ernesto couldn’t get enough of that. He leaned across his back, letting go of his cock to run both hands across his chest. This… he wouldn’t be doing this in the barracks, because that was only about getting quick relief and anything too gentle would be an insult to the manhood of both men involved. It would have gotten him odd looks at best, a punch to the face at worst. 

And none of the soldiers had felt that nice to the touch, either, all roughened skin and taut bodies, all of them with lice and reeking of sweat after a day marching under the sun. The gringo was soft, even the hair on his chest was so fine. Ernesto pressed further into him - Christ that felt good, pleasure beginning to pool in his loins - and nestled his face against the crook of Juan’s neck, breathing fast. 

“Lie down,” he rasped, letting his weight push him down slowly. “On your stomach.”

To his absolute surprise, the man complied. No question, no fuss, just a tentative pause before reclining entirely. He was clearly waiting, hoping, this would be the change he was looking for. Ah, that was… better. Ernesto grinned a little, holding himself up on his arms. Juan’s skin was so flushed, he was almost a bright pink all over. “You took it all,” he rasped. “You sure you were a virgin?”

“O-of course,” Padre Juan sputtered indignantly. He seemed so mortally offended by the suggestion, it made Ernesto chuckle.

“Just kidding, just kidding.” He leaned down on him, breathing fast, face pressed against his neck, and began to slowly tilt his hips - gentle circular movements as opposed to proper thrusting, because oh he suspected he wouldn’t last long otherwise.

And neither would the gringo, apparently. 

“P-pause-- por favor, wait--” Juan choked out suddenly, his entire form trembling beneath Ernesto’s weight. He had pulled his head and shoulders up as much as he could. Ernesto immediately stilled, waiting. Shit, had he been too careless-- was there tearing-- was he hurt?

For a few agonizing seconds Juan didn’t speak at all, then managed some anxious words. “So-something… something’s happening to me, I’m… I’m quivering, and-- and it feels like something is going t-to overtake me...”

Oh, Ernesto thought. He breathed out a sigh of relief. “It’s all right,” he muttered, and pushed himself up, still deep within him. He rested a hand over his shuddering back. “It’s all right.”

“I-...” John swallowed. He wanted words, an explanation, a discussion. But for once in his life, words failed him in every language he knew. Everything in his mind was cloudy; the only thing that was clear was how much his sex throbbed with a miserable coiled tension - and how Ernest’s pause made the tension nearly acute pain. 

Right now the younger priest’s reassurance, something he would gauff at in other situations, was enough to sedate his worry. So with surrender, he gave a shaky nod, dropping his chin to the pillow once more. There was more panting, moans, little ‘ah, ah, ah’ leaving him with each puff of breath to be muffled into the pillow - all very, very satisfying. 

“That’s it, relax,” Ernesto panted, and began rocking his hips again, slowly. It was almost a power trip getting him to listen like this. Because it was obvious when just those slight movements brought him to a surprised, harsh, climax - ass clenching his cock so divinely, a man who hadn’t yet learned how to suppress the symptoms of orgasms to keep face. 

John had never experienced anything like it, all his nocturnal emissions had been just that. Unconscious, muted by sleep. Awake it felt like something had just swept over his entire body, then rushed out of him, spilling out all the anxiety, tensions, pain of the evening into a small puddle between his stomach and the mattress. It took him several delayed seconds of consciousness to recognize he’d slurred out some mixture of an English exclamation and the Lord’s name. He laid there shivering, lips flushed, wet, and the crucifix now pressed against his rushing heart. In all the confusion he had let go of it. 

Well, that had been quick. Ernesto was rather flattered, but held back a remark and kept moving instead, so slowly, building up a slow, thorough pace. Juan was done, but he was not and ah, he-- deserved some release for a job well done, no? Yes, he decided, he did. He rested on John's back again, arms sneaking around him to pull him close, and kept going. It was-- heavenly, the heat and the tightness and the softness beneath him. 

But with his returning clarity, came more remarks from what sounded like the closest to drunk he would ever hear Juan.

“I… have we done it… is it over?” 

For a man who prided himself on manners, what an awful imposition during a sexual encounter. Ernesto rolled his eyes, and on a whim bit gently into his shoulder - not enough to leave a mark, no, not like back there. “No,” he panted, and tilted his hips a little harder. “Not yet.”

“Did… did you just bite me?!” The gringo managed to sound somewhat outraged despite how he was struggling to quell his pants. Baiting him to argue wasn’t going over very well, considering Ernesto no longer needed to be so cautious if he’d already gotten him off. Clearly the man wasn’t in pain anymore. 

Well then, he could be… a tad more vigorous, no? Ernesto smiled against his skin and instead of replying, he pulled out some to thrust back in - a little harder. 

John nearly bit his tongue. Sensation rocketed up his back, intoxicating, like a bullet. After that paroxysm his entire body had become so vulnerable, his mental wall to hate this lost underneath a sea of pleasant sensations swirling his words and thoughts at the moment. If he didn’t remain preoccupied with staying quiet he’d release some vulgar sound he’d heard in alleyways before. 

That didn’t make any less obvious to Ernesto how he enjoyed though, especially from how his breaths hitched, back arched, thighs lifted, and ass pulsed for further stimulation against his cock. Now that was more than a little flattering, a sudden thought entering his mind - could he make him come again? 

One way to find out. Ernesto drew back only a little, stilled - ah, was it just him or Juan had instinctively tried to lift his hips to keep him in - and he thrust in again, a sudden jolt of his hips, pushing him further into the mattress.

“Jesus H. Christ!” The words tumbled out of John’s mouth before he could stop them - and oh, the immediate regret. Taking the Lord’s name in vain was something he hadn’t done since he was a boy. The embarrassment didn’t have time to settle in, he was too lost in it, his body now in control and struggling to get closer, to get more from Ernest. 

“Hmm? What was that?” Ernesto gasped out against his neck, moving again - sharper thrusts, deep, tilting his hips and searching for the right spot, the right angle. At that point, getting a moan out of him was a matter of pride.

“Nothing- uh- nada...” The gringo slurred back, shaking his head. Nice try. Another thrust, one deliberate into the spot he’d found with his fingers, and Juan threw back his head, making a noise through his clenched teeth like a man who had found the peace of divine ecstasy. There were no more complaints out of him. Only the subtle, trying to be discreet, movements of his body to let Ernesto thrust more smoothly.  

And ah, he wasn’t the only one in bliss, not anymore. It felt good, everything felt good - the clean sheets and the quietness of the room only broken by their panting and the faint slap of flesh on flesh, how soft he was and how good he smelled and Ernesto tried to draw it out, moving his hips in deep, languid strokes. He was close - Christ so close - but he could hold back, he could make it last. The wooden frame creaked, so softly, and he could see the gringo’s fingers were coiled into his pillow so tight they turned red. 

“Oh God,” What is happening. That was the only concise thought John could mange. Sin or cure was far from his mind right now. Moments of embarrassment would creep in, when he felt the sweat on his back, heard the soft clap of their bodies meeting, panting in his ear - but none of it made enough information in his mind to muster stopping. The only thing that jerked any awareness to his mind was when he felt Ernest’s arm slip under his thighs-and with shocking strength rip his hips up taunt to his groin. It knocked a gasp out of him. Since Ernest nearly strangled him for endangering that foolish townswoman, he had forgotten just how strong he was. 

“ D-don’t yank me! ” But he said it in the midst of a moan-and in English at that, rendering it useless as an attempt to try and find some superiority. He looked and felt wild. Hair sticking to his face and out at every angle. Perspiration was coating his skin, making his nightgown stick against his flesh. Was this Hell? It felt too good to be Hell, even if it was hot enough. 

A part of Ernesto’s brain wondered what the hell had he just said, but it was a really tiny part. The rest was much too taken with how good it felt, how open to him the gringo was now. He grasped his ass, spreading his cheeks to give himself better access-- deeper into that warmth that clenched around him -- and canted his hips, again and again, a barrage of sharp thrusts and mind-numbing pleasure, panting and gasping and refusing to slow down.

Christ to see Padre Juan like this - spread like this for him, moaning for him, moving against him - the haughtiness smacked out of him, the superior tone gone along with any intelligible words. Triumph could only be celebrated with a trophy, which came in the form of Juan’s shift. He was suddenly nearly tangling himself in it trying to pull it off - or just over his face. 

Ernesto decided the former and assisted by pulling it forward and then tossing it off the bed before he could change his mind. Now he could watch his entire body go pink as he fucked him properly. He was so close but he could hold on, just a little more, just a little more...

His efforts were rewarded. Juan shuddered against him once more and let out half a harsh groan - ‘Oh God’ - before he buried his face in the pillow. This time he didn’t fight it and nearly trembled out of Ernesto’s grasp from the convulsions. But oh no, he would not let him go that easily, and kept his hips locked even as their position shifted to flat on the bed. 

The sense of triumph rushed to his head, and Ernesto gave a sound that might have been a laugh if he weren’t so out of breath, so busy fucking him though his orgasm, chasing his own.  

John’s mind was too blank to be ashamed-nothing existed anymore. With the whip there was only pain, a numbness of the mind, a quieting peace that let his body lead his soul a moment. This… was the opposite. Delicious, flowing, explosive, flashes in his mind that quieted every worry he’d ever had or would for that night. 

“Ah-- fuck--” Ernesto moaned through his teeth. It was too much, the way he clenched around him, how he trembled, the sounds that left him - his thrusts became quicker, more erratic, pleasure coiling in his loins and it was only a matter of moments. He pressed in deep, dropped his head, and he came with a long groan. 

It was the quietest the room had ever been with the two of them in it. Each were panting heavily, lost enough to not recognize they now laid atop each other without needing to. The act was done. Polite parting could happen. But it took at least a minute before John finally lifted his head. 

“The...the candle’s too bright.” 

His accent had never sounded thicker, but he was barely aware. All of his rational thoughts were buried under a layer of hazy ecstasy lingering like an inhaled high. It didn’t even occur to him that he should be horrified at the thought he had another man’s seed within him. 

“Nhhh,” was the only response he got. Ernesto was panting on top of him, still in him, boneless and breathless and lost to the world. He couldn’t muster the strength or will to lift himself, let alone the breath to blow the candle. He just wrapped his arms around Juan, leaning his cheek on the back of his shoulder. “Close your eyes,” he finally mumbled. 

In that moment it seemed like a perfectly rational thing to do. John’s body was so light and heavy at once. His anxieties were lost on the ceiling, expelled with the rest of his wit from that second spending. They’d be saying they need to wash, they need to pray, they need to absolve each other, and why was he clinging to him? 

But they weren’t there. Instead the only voice in him decided that closing his very heavy eyelids from the invasive light would add to all the pleasant feelings he felt right now. And that Ernest’s presence was a comfort because, something told him in the back of his mind, these sensations could be so very bad if he was experiencing them by his own self. 

Ernesto felt him relax, and it was… odd, but not unwelcome. No need to get up quickly and mutter nonsense in Latin: he could keep leaning on him, bask in the sensation - oh so soft - for a while longer. Ernesto nuzzled the crook of his neck, already half-asleep and still dizzy with pleasure, and shut his eyes as well, breathing slowly in his scent.

A few minutes more, neither could argue another few minutes like this could cause any harm. After all the desert is cold at night. That was why they pulled the blanket up, it was just a subconscious need, not an invitation for Ernesto to stay all night. But a few minutes became ten, and washing seemed such a chore right now when it was so cold. The walk back to Ernesto’s room seemed so far, when it was so cold. Without a word to each other they finally agreed wordlessly - a feat only possible without clear-headed sobriety, it seemed - that falling asleep was just the more logical opinion. 

And while he would deny it later on, claiming he’d only chosen not to move in order not to disturb John’s sleep, Ernesto was the first one to let sleep claim in: he closed his eyes and let himself fall into a slumber, lulled by the warmth of a body beneath his own and a steady heartbeat beneath his ear.

Both were in the deepest sleep they’d had in years, fucked to exhaustion, when the candle finally extinguished on its own, melted down to the hilt.

[oosteven-universe]

Buck Danny Vol.1 Night of the Serpent

Buck Danny Vol.1 Night of the Serpent Cinebook the 9th Art Publisher 2009 By Francis Bergèse Coloured by Frédéric Bergèse Translated by Jerome Saincantin Lettered & Text Layout by Imadjinn Sarl    An American pilot is shot down at the border between North and South Korea. While his colleagues cover up the whole incident so as to avoid a diplomatic disaster, Buck Danny is in charge of bringing the pilot back to the US.  In the heart of the hostile jungle, a lethal game of hide-and-seek begins. Can Buck Danny find the American pilot before the North Koreans?    Alright so this I found either on ComiXology or another place on the world wide web but it was a different title and I saw, thought it more all-ages than I think it is, and wanted to start with volume one.  They graciously assisted me and here we are.  I am a fan of war books and more recently than ever before and by looking at the cover I was incredibly intrigued and with that one look alone I had to see what it is all about.  This is the first volume but it’s an already character you can see this in the way the characters interact with one another.  I like it this way it gives the reader a better understanding of the team dynamic and their way of joking around with one another so there’s no guesswork with who’s who and who does what.    I really like the way that this is being told.   The story & plot development that we see here through how the sequence of events unfold as well as how the reader learns information is extremely well presented.  As a matter of fact that this a double sized issue and how well this is structured or laid out it feels like so much more than that.  The character development is frakkin amazing and it’s really rather easy to pick up on who is who and that this diverse group of men who make up Buck’s team are as much family to each other though loathe to admit I think.  The pacing is fantastic and as it takes us through the pages revealing the twists and turns along the way we get to see how well this book is structured and how the ebb & flow has been created.    I found myself loving certain aspects of this book and then some personalities which at first I thought was abrasive until I kept getting further into this.  Just the fact that we can see the evolution of the characters with the story and it makes this so much more than you initially think it’s going to.    The interiors here are absolutely phenomenal to see!  The linework is exquisite and to see the varying weights as well as various techniques being utilised to spotlight the attention to detail blows me away.  All it took was one look to know that this was going to impress me throughout and boy howdy does it ever do that.  The way that backgrounds are being utilised is marvellous as they work at enhancing the moments as well as working within the composition of the panels bringing us depth perception, a sense of scale and the overall sense of size and scope to the book.  I am gobsmacked by the look of the uniforms, the planes, and the faces and facial features are so expressive which adds to their characterisation.  The hair and the hairstyles are amazingly throwback to a bygone era that I wish was still around, their manners, attention to dress, hair and all that all speak volumes.  The colour work we see is simply divine.  The attention to detail in the colours, especially in the fatigue’s being worn, is some truly masterful work.  The various hues and tones from within the colours and how they are being utilised to create the shading, highlights and shadow work just feels like we’re seeing work based off of photographs.    The storytelling is absolutely amazing.  While this is a completely modern story, as seen through the planes and the countries we see, it still has this feel of something like Dan Dare would be a part of.  It blends yesterday, today and even tomorrow in such ways that are exciting and leave the reader in awe as we want to see more.  This is something I believe you need to have in your library, you thank me for it when you’ve read it.  This is engaging the readers' mind, lighting up the creativity and imagination we all possess and it is just an overall beautifully done book.

[winnipegpatty]

like what you’re doing to me | four | s.m. series

a/n: please send me feedback!! It’s really helpful for me in knowing what you guys are liking and what you aren’t!

Los Angeles came sooner than Shawn could have ever hoped with the last of the Europe shows flying by in a flurry. Like predicted, the first few days were packed full of studio sessions and marketing meetings getting every last detail of the song ready for release. Shawn was so proud of the content he was getting ready to release, he really couldn’t wait to see what people would say. After releasing In My Blood and becoming completely honest with his fanbase, he’d realized he had a larger support system than he’d ever imagined. Not in the sense of he had more fans than he ever imagined because he always knew the breadth of his fanbase. It was more in the sense that he hadn’t realized how strongly they would accept his unbridled confessions. When he’d become aware though, of the overwhelming amount of people who’d continue to support him despite struggling with such human emotions, he was invigorated to only push further into those emotions. And he had with this new single, he’d tapped into feelings he hadn’t even know he’d had. But the end product was something Shawn could be completely proud of.

Shawn had been so incredibly busy, he hadn’t even had time to contact Karli until three days into his week and a half or so of break. They’d agreed, back in Manchester, on a date in LA, but Shawn had to come up with a plan before he talked to Karli about it. He wanted to make sure he thought this through and gave her his absolute best. She deserves nothing less. So with studio sessions finally behind him, Shawn set off to plan the perfect first date for the most perfect girl he’d ever met.

Shawn: So, I know I said dinner, but how does a picnic sound?

Karli: I’d say I’m intrigued.

Shawn: Pick you up on Friday at 5?

Karli: Can’t wait to see you :)

___

Shawn picked Karli up right on time. He’d rented a Jeep similar to his at home for the two weeks in LA and he was enjoying the wind blowing through his curls as the sun was dropping lower and lower by the minute.

“Where are we going?” Karli asked about twenty minutes into the drive, noticing how they were heading out of town and towards the coast.

“The beach,” Shawn said simply.

Karli smiled, leaning back in her chair, sliding her hand out the window and feeling it pull her hand back, wind trailing through her fingers. Shawn’s phone was plugged in, listening to music playing through his spotify account, and Karli was content just enjoying his presence and some good music. Karli knew from experience that during this time of the day it would take at least an hour to reach the beach, if not an hour and a half. She didn’t mind the long drives though. Karli sang along to the end of a Julia Michaels song as Shawn’s spotify transitioned into something familiar. It hit Karli instantly, smiling smugly, but she waited a moment to see if Shawn would react. He must not have been completely tuned into the music because he didn’t react until Karli’s voice sang through the speakers, and Shawn’s eyes instantly went wide. He reached towards the phone, presumably to skip the song, as if Karli hadn’t known exactly what it was the moment it started playing.

She laughed, looking at Shawn, “You’re really gonna change it now?”

Shawn blushed, pulling his hand away from the phone, “I, uh, no?” He questioned. “It’s weird…”

“Which part? The part where you clearly went out of your way to download the song because it’s not even on spotify or the part where you tried to skip the song as if I hadn’t already noticed it was my song the second it was on?” Karli smirked, looking at Shawn.

Shawn’s blushed deepened, spreading to his neck, “Both?”

Karli laughed lightly, “Shawn, it’s not weird. It means you liked the song, which is…” She searched for the perfect word. “Cool,” She finally settled.

“It’s embarrassing.” Shawn admitted, scratching his neck.

Karli shook her head from the passenger seat, “What? You don’t think I’ve never listened to your music either? Shawn, we’re musicians… we listen to other people’s music. It’s normal.”

“Yeah, but I went out of my way to listen to this song. My songs are way easier to access.” It wasn’t meant as an insult or anything, it was simply the truth.

Karli, trying to calm his clearly anxious thoughts, laid a hand on his thigh, looking intently at him even as he stared at the road. “Shawn, it is really amazing to me that you like my music. It makes me happy. Even just knowing you watch my Youtube videos is special to me. I don’t think it’s weird at all, and I’m flattered. The fact that you, and tons of other people, had such a strong positive reaction to my first original song means the world to me. It was something special and I was so nervous to put it out into the world. I’m sure when you first heard people listening to your music, it was surreal. But it was still probably a good feeling, right?”

Shawn glanced over at Karli for a moment before answering, “Yeah...it was...everything I’d ever dreamed of.”

“Exactly.” Karli said confidently, leaning back into her chair, removing her hand from Shawn’s thigh. “So it’s not weird. It’s sweet.”

__

Shawn pulled up to the upper parking lot of Point Dume State Beach. The view was breathtaking and the water was the deepest blue Karli had ever seen. Shawn led them down a path towards the sandy beach, basket and blanket in hand.

“I came here with Niall and a big group of friends sometime last year,” Shawn said as he laid the blanket on the sand. “It’s so beautiful, but most people don’t even know about it since it’s so hidden.”

“An ideal place for a famous people hang out,” Karli laughed.

“Something like that.” Shawn smiled.

Karli was the first to sit down on the blanket, Shawn taking a spot next to her. He leaned back, his arms supporting himself from behind, and together they just looked out at the beach for a moment.

“You know, sometimes it’s really hard to get away.”

Karli hummed, glancing at Shawn, “You ever wish it were different?”

He bit his lip for a moment, contemplating his answer. The truth was, millions of people dreamed of having what he had. But living it was different than dreaming it. “I wish, what were different,” Shawn started, “were people’s expectations of me.”

“In what way?” She wondered.

“Like this for instance,” Shawn gestured between the two of them, “There’s a unspoken sense of entitlement that people have in regards to my personal life. I’m sure you even experience to that to some degree. But they think just because you’ve put yourself in the public eye or released a couple of videos or have tons of Instagram followers, that they now have claim to your entire life.They’d never admit it out loud, but they feel entitled to every part of you, even if you never had any intention of giving that part of you away.”

Karli simply nodded her head in understanding, allowing Shawn to continue his own thought process.

“It’s not that I want to hide things, or be as secretive as possible. I just want to feel like I have a life. Being constantly on camera, people shouting your name, it’s a lot. It makes me constantly anxious. There’s no end. Like, if you think about when you were a kid and your mom would continually nag you to do a chore. And you’d get so tired of her saying your name? It’s like that, but it’s my whole life. There’s no silence. There’s always someone wanting a photo or to say hi. And I love them all, I really do. And I appreciate their support. But sometimes you just need silence.”

Karli nodded, “I’m sorry that it’s like that because it shouldn’t be. I’m sorry that you can’t just put out music and perform and that be all it’s about.”

“It comes with the territory, but I just wish it were a little...less.”

“Well, anytime you’re in LA you can always come to my house. I can lock you in a room so you can have some silence.”

Shawn threw his head back in a burst of laughter, “It’s sad that would actually appeal to me.”

“No phones, no music, no fans or managers. Just you, in a room. I’ll give you a tv and some books to read,” Karli smiled.

Shawn looked at her, smiling from ear to ear, “One day, you’re going to completely understand everything I just said.”

Karli looked at her lap, blush creeping up her pale skin, “You think that’s all going to happen for me, eh?”

“Oh, I know it. Karli King you are going to take the music industry my storm one day soon.”

“That’s the dream.” She whispered.

“Just don’t let it carry you away.”

Together, they enjoyed a lovely picnic dinner. They talked about everything imaginable, and Shawn couldn’t remember the last person he’d felt so free to talk to. There was something special about Karli. She was smart and confident and held so much depth as a person. She intrigued Shawn in all the best possible ways, and he just wanted more of her.

“So when do you leave?” Karli asked him sometime later in the evening.

The sun had set, and they’d toed off their shoes some time ago. They were standing the shallow bits of water, enjoying the water rushing over their feet as their toes sunk deeper into the sand.

“I have another full week, and then I’m off to the races, touring the rest of North America.”

Karli hummed, “And when you’re LA concert?”

“I have two.” Shawn reached for her hand, and swung it between them, looking at their linked fingers instead of Karli. “Friday and Saturday, and then I’ll leave on Tuesday.”

Karli nodded, squeezing his hand.

“You gonna come?”

She smiled up at Shawn, “If you don’t mind me crashing in.”

Shawn’s eyes gleamed with happiness, “I would never. I want to see you as much as I can before I leave.”

Karli toed her way to Shawn until they were face to face, toes bumping each other under the water. “I would like that.”

With his free hand, Shawn reached up to push a strand of hair behind her ear. His hand rested on her cheeking, guiding her eyes to look at him. “In that case,” he whispered, his words meant just for her. “Would you want to go to breakfast with me Tuesday morning before I have to leave?”

Karli nodded before whispering a “yeah” in response.

They stayed like that, toes pressed into the sand, fingers tangled together, and water washing ashore, just enjoying the quiet around them and the sound of the lapping waves.

___

Karli and Shawn weren’t exactly being careful about the time they were spending together, and fans were certainly starting to notice. But every comment or tweet that insinuated that they were anything more than friends went unanswered.

Sure, perfectly timed trips to Manchester was suspect. And aesthetic shots of the beach posted on the same day were conspicuous. And attending three of Shawn’s concerts wasn’t exactly subtle. But they really didn’t care. Shawn didn’t feel the need to hide, and it’s not like they were officially together or anything. Right now they really were just friends who were getting to know each other and were most likely headed towards a relationship (at least if Shawn had something to say about it). He’d never lie to his fans, but that didn’t mean he’d always give them the facts.

On Tuesday morning bright and early, Shawn and Karli met at a local cafe near Shawn’s hotel. They ate and talked and shared soft touches under the table. It was everything a movie romance could possibly be. The only downer was that in less than an hour, Shawn would be leaving and would be busy for months with little to no break.

But Shawn had one thing he needed to do before he left.

“Karli,” Shawn asked after they’d finished their food and were just finishing their coffees.

“Yeah?” She asked, putting down her cup.

“I know this is like new,” Shawn motioned with his hands between the two of them, “but I really like you. And, I know it’s a lot to ask of someone, considering the lifestyle I live, but I would really like to be able to call you my girlfriend.” Shawn’s cheeks were the deepest red Karli had ever seen them. He was extremely flustered, but it was so adorable. “I don’t mean like, let’s tell the whole world we’re dating. I’m not ready for something like that,” Shawn eyed her for a moment, gauging her reaction. “But, I really feel like this is going somewhere, and I can’t leave on tour without asking.”

Karli smiled, “I really thought you were never going to ask.”

tagging: @peacedolantwins2 @rosecth @unhealthyobsessionwithmarvel @justanotherfangurl272 @yourwonderbelle @loveydoveyshawn @outlandishnerd @amandash113 @my-sweet-escape-from-the-world @fourtristattoos @lostinroses @ilsolee

[arctic-rising]

hopping onto the fr artist appreciation train that @cerillosvillage​ started! i agree with him in saying that there’s so many amazing artists that it’s so difficult to choose, so here’s my top 5!

@hungrytundras​ has a super lovely style. i really like the textures in their line art, and their maps are absolutely stunning. the level of thought and detail that they put in their work is amazing, and i always love looking forwards to their next piece! i especially love the more atmospheric stuff that they post- really feels like i’m getting a window into Sornieth itself.

@nimrook-fr always blows me away whenever they post art. the textures in their art just gives everything a nice finished touch, but i think the thing that always gets me is the shading. they’re so good at giving dragons depth with their shadows, and the tones that they use in said shading is so good!! also i just really love their style. OH and i almost forgot to mention that their designs are amazing!!!

@serpents-fr has really rad line variation that i just kind of stare at in awe whenever i see their stuff. i adore their scene/movie shots, and their style is just wonderful. especially how they draw imperials! so cute and elegant! the gradients that they use look incredibly, and they’re really good at translating on site apparel and genes into their style.

@zif-dragons draws, quite possibly, some of the cutest stuff i’ve ever seen. the texture on some of the brushes that they use give their art a lovely hand-drawn vibe to it. kind of gives you a warm fuzzy feeling in your chest! the dot eyes and little smile that they give to dragons sometimes is like. one of the cutest things ever and i love it!

and last but not least is @the-chattering-tower.  they push themselves to create unique and interesting designs for dragons, and their hard work doesn’t go unnoticed. they’ve made some really interesting and cool designs for dragons that they’ve sold! the lineart, coloring and shading style that they use is so nice to look at too. also, i think the bunny tundra concept is quite possibly one of the best things on this site? it’s SO stinking cute and i’ll have to commission them someday to make a portrait of my own tundra bunny when i get one!

[mittensmorgul]

We’re Working on the Power of Love

(AN: There are several linked posts in this essay, and normally I’d just say “for further reading,” or “if you’re interested,” but honestly I linked them here because they provide the foundation of understanding the scope of these parallels, and I consider them Required Reading. Mostly they saved me the trouble of turning this essay into a 10k word dissertation, because all the connections essentially make themselves by comparing the posts, most especially this one and this one. Go read both of those now. I’ll wait.)

There have been many posts already discussing the parallels in 14.10 to other episodes-- 4.01, 2.20, 13.06, 10.23, and a number of others. But there’s one particular theme I want to explore in more depth, because it’s tied directly to Dean and Michael both. In 5.18, Dean came dangerously close to saying yes to Michael and engaging the Apocalypse script, but everything leading up to his rejection of that script by the end of the episode has now been turned on its head by Michael himself in 14.10.

At the beginning of 5.18, Dean has made his peace with his fate and is going about preparing to give himself over to Michael-- packing up everything that’s important to him in a box for Bobby. He’s at the end of his rope and thinks this is the only way, sacrificing himself to save everyone else. He intends to bargain for their safety in exchange for his own compliance.

This is, essentially, what Cain once did for Abel, as we learned eventually in 9.11, so this loop has repeated itself more than once now, on different levels of the narrative.

I think required reading for understanding the parallels I’m about to make is this post I made on April 20, 2017 during my s12 meta rewatch. It discusses Dean’s painful rejection of each member of his family in a similar fashion to the statements Michael makes to each member of TFW in 14.10. Not to mention the fact it touches on Dean’s thoughts on a White Picket Fence ending for himself, his own guilt and internal darkness, Fate vs Free Will, Dean’s internal strength of will, and the ghost of John Winchester and his long shadow still governing Dean’s choices and opinion of himself.

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/159793521320/517-and-518-or-how-does-any-of-this-make-any (this was the first linked post from the author’s note above)

I read a couple of other posts while searching for the one linked above that also give some insight into the themes that we’re seeing again in s14 regarding all of the above-referenced themes that might prove useful reading, while we’re here:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/177899727345/hot-take-13x23-is-5x18-point-of-no-return-but

And

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/165312952745/im-new-to-spn-and-a-friend-turned-me-onto-your

(more dealing with the Winchester Family Dynamics, the Ghost of John Winchester, and fate vs free will, but still incredibly relevant to the overarching themes of s14)

But what I’d like to specifically focus on are the things Michael weaponized against each of TFW 2.0, because those barbs were crafted much the same way that Dean’s barbs toward his family were crafted in 5.18.

I detailed all of them in this post from the other night:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/182126697455/one-thing-that-stuck-out-to-me-about-last-nights (this was the second linked post from the author’s note above)

I only touched on Michael’s first conversation with Castiel in the War Room briefly in that post, focusing more on his “stalling tactics” inside Rocky’s Bar, and I barely skimmed over Jack’s chat with Michael. But they are thematically paired to the hurtful comments Dean flung at his family in 5.18. Only now, Dean can see all of these statements as the deceptions they are.

In 14.10:

Jack: Sam and Dean -- they're gonna beat you. Michael: Oh, please. Sam's in so far over his head, he's drowning. And Dean? Well, I've got Dean under control. Jack: No. Dean -- he's strong. Michael: He's a gnat. I'm a god. Who would you bet on? You don't know anything about Dean. I'm in his head literally. I know everything. Like, I know how sad he was when you died on the outside. On the inside, well, it's not that he was happy -- he just didn't care. 'Cause you're not Sam. You're not Cas. You're a new burden that he was handed. You're a weak, helpless thing. You think that they care about you, love you? You're a job, a job none of them wanted. And you --

In 5.18, this wasn’t Dean’s comment, but directly subverting who Adam was to who Jack is now:

BOBBY: You’re still John’s boy. ADAM: No, John Winchester was some guy who took me to a baseball game once a year. I don’t have a dad. So we may be blood, but we are not family. My mom is my family. And if I do my job, I get to see her again. So no offense, but she’s the one I give a rat’s ass about, not you.

Adam staked his ground, separated himself from the Winchesters (to his detriment in the end), but Jack has come full circle and understands his place in the Winchester family.

The barbs Dean lobs at Sam in 5.18 resonate directly to the ones Michael hurls in 14.10:

5.18:

SAM: No? So Michael’s not about to make you his Muppet? What the hell, man? This is how it ends? You just…walk out? DEAN: Yeah, I guess. SAM: How could you do that? DEAN: How could I? All you’ve ever done is run away. SAM: And I was wrong. Every single time I did.

And

DEAN: I just…I—I don’t believe. SAM: In what? DEAN: In you. I mean, I don’t. I don’t know whether it’s gonna be demon blood or some other demon chick or what, but…I do know they’re gonna find a way to turn you. SAM: So you’re saying I’m not strong enough. DEAN: You’re angry, you’re self-righteous. Lucifer’s gonna wear you to the prom, man. It’s just a matter of time. SAM: Don’t say that to me. Not you…of all people. DEAN: I don’t want to. But it’s the truth. And when Satan takes you over, there’s got to be somebody there to fight him, and it ain’t gonna be that kid. So, it’s got to be me.

And 14.10:

- And, Sam – oh, Sam You know, Dean was his happiest when you quit hunting, leaving him with your dad, just the two of them. See, deep down, he knows that you will always abandon him, again and again.

This is playing on the exact same fear, attempting to use this as a manipulation, when everything that’s happened in their lives between 5.18 and now has served to undercut this directly.

Let’s compare what he says to Cas, who in 5.18 had intervened to yell his own pain, the truth of what he’d sacrificed in support of Dean, and eventually the fracture of his own faith in Dean and everything he’d always thought Dean stood for:

CASTIEL: Maybe they’re desperate. Maybe they wrongly assumed Dean would be brave enough to withstand them. DEAN: Alright, you know what? Blow me, Cas.

And

CASTIEL: I rebelled for this?! So that you could surrender to them? DEAN: Cas! Please! CASTIEL: I gave everything for you. And this is what you give to me.

And

CASTIEL: Maybe it is. But then I won’t have to watch you fail. I’m sorry, Dean. I don’t have the same faith in you that Sam does.

Yet in 14.10, Cas is absolutely convinced that Dean is “more than strong.” His only fear is that Michael could be stronger still. And it’s Cas who sees through the deception, providing the light in the darkness to uncover and understand the truth, to see through the fear and the pain and find Dean, as well as to see through Michael’s lies for what they really are:

- You only tolerate the angel because you think you owe him, because he “gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.” Or whatever. But since then, what has he done? Only made mistakes, one after the other.

Because over the years since 5.18 they have struggled through the depths of broken trust and forgiven each other everything. They’ve come to an understanding that everything they do, they’ve done out of love. They’re not a couple of dumbasses. They know they do the wrong things for the right reasons, and they understand their own failures and guilt. And most importantly, they know that all of this has been done out of love.

Finally, there’s what Michael says about Dean himself:

- You don’t need them. You don’t even like them. They’re not your family – they’re your responsibilities. They’re a weight around your neck. And deep down, you wanted – you were desperate to get away from them. And that is why you said yes

I compared this statement to what Demon Dean tried to hurt Sam with in 10.03, just before he was cured, but this also goes directly to 5.18, and Dean’s state of mind at that time:

DEAN: Just…let me say this. I don’t know if it’s being a big brother or what, but to me, you’ve always been this snot-nosed kid that I’ve had to keep on the straight and narrow. I think we both know that that’s not you anymore. I mean, hell, if you’re grown-up enough to find faith in me…the least I can do is return the favor. So screw destiny, right in the face. I say we take the fight to them, and do it our way.

We both know that’s not you anymore.

Because there it is, even by the end of 5.18, Dean has acknowledged this relationship with Sam is not just his burden. Like the angels in s5 who desperately needed to divide Sam and Dean, to set them up as adversaries willing to capitulate to fate, that’s exactly what Michael was doing in Rocky’s Bar. He needed to break the Winchesters’ trust and faith in one another, because Team Free Will united is an unstoppable force. The theme the show has been hammering home forever is that they’re better together, stronger together. It’s the power of Love, on every level.

[gciltyascharged]

Your grasp on Mitch is honestly incredibly admirable, and so GOOD !! you put so much effort and time into him and developing when telltale failed to highlight about him and I would honestly take your canon over the real thing ANY DAY! you are honestly the best and I love you, THANK YOU FOR JOINING THIS FANDOM!!

1-800-how’s my portrayal?⤷ Accepting. || @ratleaderr

Aaaa! Oh, goodness! Thank you! I’ll say that Telltale giving us him before they snatched him away was nice, though...I was disheartened that I had to rely on just that one big chunk of chapter and the underdeveloped one from the first chapter! His insane amount of implications, his psychology, his performance, his flaws, his dumb jabs with the others -- even the small freckle on his temple! I just fell in love with it all! It’s like I adopted a kid and get to watch him grow and find himself!

Knowing that my portrayal tickles your fancy, too, with how much of his backstory I developed means SO, SO, SO, SOOOO MUCH! I wanted to really dig deep into the reasons he felt the way he did ; with it being: right or wrong, misunderstandings or not, him sticking his feet into his mouth when he didn’t really mean what he said. Just knowing you like it THAT much -- aah...gosh! Thank you! THANK YOU! It makes me emotional as someone who has had quite a bit of experience to know how a person goes through life through situations like him (my three older brothers are a HUGE help, my own life, my college courses, my field experiences), and I just have so many thoughts!

The thing about kids, from what I learned, is that we really know NOTHING about what’s going on in their lives. It’s something I hold with Mitch, too, because when he’s acting out, he’s not just doing it for the sake of it! It’s all done with a reason! It might not be morally reasonable or kind, but it’s what he’s developed over the years ; it’s something he’s turned a harder look toward! This makes him such an interesting concept to me that, while developing him, it makes him such a malleable human being! Plus, if it wasn’t for YOU, I wouldn’t have NEARLY as much development with him! With your portrayal of Marlon and Willy meaning so much to him, I got to see a purpose behind his lashing out about Marlon’s death more in detail than just the bare minimum! 

PLEASE!! I should be thanking the fandom for accepting me into it! I was so close, like I said before, to just calling it quits when I felt like it was dead! The truth was really that I was looking in the wrong tag! When I found out that there were active blogs, people coming back, and so many amazing portrayals (muns with edits, muns with fun ideas, etc.), I felt like I’d found my home right away! I’m absolutely the happiest I’ve been in months! There are so many muns I haven’t had the privilege of writing in depth threads with, but I look forward to that 1000%!

Really...I appreciate it so much that people took the time to interact, develop, thread, and speak with me here! I’d been in such a hard place and getting the chance to get to know Mitch has been the biggest honor! You’re all so wonderful and I love the fact that Mitch will still keep being developed with everyone in this fandom! Wherever the wind blows with these interactions will keep me so excited for every last reply! Seriously, I get so excited when I see the replies (even if it’s been a month or a minute since the last reply)! 

Thank you for letting me be here! Thank you, all, for being so nice to me!