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orphancookie69 · 2 years ago

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My Infertility Journey: Part 4

Yeah, future me needs to go in the past and tell past me to not be crazy. Well, they have not arrived yet-part four starts. The sooner I get in the drivers seat the sooner I park my car in the winners circle I hope....Just hopping on late? Here is Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

August 2022:

A week after the ERA comes a cycle. This is highly unusual as it does not normally come that soon. Second half of the month is the start of round 4. Initial ultrasound and bloodwork scheduled to see if the body is on the starting line. Now let’s talk about the definition of insanity, it is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Based on the ERA, I am perfectly fine and we have been doing this with proper timing-so initially they said we are going to move forward with no changes. At consultation, they mentioned adding Intralipids-IV injected twice during the process. I am open to this idea, more than the anti-coagulants, because I think my body can only handle so many injections. I only have two more embryos at this point, and while I want to make sure they have the best odds of sucess-there are physical limitations of being...ya know...human?

The results from the blood work came back, my hormones were too high. So they are having me wait and we will reassess on next cycle. I am happy that this news came from the doctor, I felt like it was better to wait and give the body a break. But for some reason, it felt like it would not have as much credence as it does coming from the doctor backed by “data”. I am looking forward to my break and plan on getting a family trip to Havasu in before my next cycle. PARTAY! No but otherwise this is a great time to hunker down and see if I can’t get some good training in for game day. Using muscle stims, heat, massage, and exercise to promote healing of the area. Maintaining diet and exercise to see if I can’t lose anymore weight before then.

September 2022:

Have I ever mentioned how much of this process is PLAYING THE WAITING GAME? But waiting has its own perks. So far just waiting for a cycle to come, estimated to come around the middle of the month according to P Tracker, and see if hormone levels are good enough to move forward. Also, I am (heavily) playing with the idea of implanting two instead of just one. My own doctor says the odds are better with just one, but I have heard a lot of other doctors/patients have success with 2. Part of me really likes the idea of implanting both and having this be the last round, for better or for worse. We will see what the doctor says.

So my body decided to get stuck in “period limbo” this cycle. I get all the feels but none of the results. Doctor did a “wellness check” on me and decided to reset my cycle with a week’s worth of Birth Control. Then we are going to move on the next cycle. I picked up my prescription and then took them, one a day, for a week. My doctor puts me on Enskyce, and man I usually get all of the side effects: migraines, nausea, and lack of energy.

October 2022:

Body goes into cycle and then on Cycle Day 5, we went in for an appointment. Ultrasound and bloodwork looked good, we updated my thyroid panel as well. Now starts injections and the new element this time-intralipids. They are to be done at a third party facility, Oso Home Care in Irvine, in week 4 (before transfer) and after transfer. I am (attempting) to schedule an appointment with Oso Home Care after my next Ultrasound/Bloodwork appointment with Fertility Care in Brea. Ya know the one appointment(s) before implant. It is kind of crazy how much happens in a month.

Drugs: EV (Estradiol Valerate), Dex (Dexamethasone), P4 (Progesterone), hCG, Valium, Doxy (Doxycycline Hyclate), Medrol (methylprednisolone),

Vitamins: Baby Aspirin, Prenatal vitamins (NAC, Prenatal, Omega 3, L Arginine, Coq10, Myo Inositol, D3)

Suggestions: Keto diet/Fasting, Exercise, Proper Injection Guidelines.

Price: $5,000+ (Fertility Care), $100+ (MDR Pharmacy), $550 (Oso Home Care),

Here are some Injection Guidelines:

Before: Ice the area

During: Inject the right area, Massage it after

After: Walk it off a bit, Use a heating pad

In Between: Arnica, Massaging to promote healing

Check: Infection (red, raised/bumpy, burning, itchy)

Note: Injections are intramuscular, and depending on the injection, there are only so many spots you can inject. Just because there are other muscles, does not mean you can use them even if your areas are “out of commission”. You just gotta keep them in commission!

The phone tag that was had was fun by all? Honestly as much as this is not my first rodeo and this should not worry me, the intralipids worry me a bit. Really the scheduling process being the slowest thing ever doesn’t help anything either. Be careful when doing research too, it is not always as helpful as you would think to know what you are signing up for. Also, the slow time between the first and second appointment where there is only an injection every 3 days is lovely. So I barely got my appointment for the intralipid place, if I did not call, that might not have happened. Then went in for the next ultrasound, the last one before implant. Ultrasound was good and blood work was TBD.

This starts the next phase of the process. From here we add 4 hCG shots, add 2 times a day of p4, and continue with EV every 3 days. Also, for the hCG...the first injection has to be in the back area, but the smaller ones can go in the stomach to give the back a bit of a break. Round one of the Intralipids happens. The dexamethasone comes off the schedule just before implant-a couple of meds get added for a couple days around implant. Implant happens, this time it will be a boy (currently between the names Roland and Kai). After implant it is suggested for up to 3 days of rest. Then we move into November (after playing the waiting game) to confirm the pregnancy.

Oso Home Care...Intralipids: Its a cute little place in Irvine. Kind of disorganized and busy but it would seem a lot people go to a facility like this. I got there early. I spent 2.5 hours in the chair. Yeah, kind of a long time. The gals that work there are sweet, but I don’t like how they had to prick both my arms to get it to work. I felt strange after? I am not sure how I was supposed to feel. Based on when I left and where home is, it took an hour to get home. But I hope in the future that since I am already in the system that booking is easier, and I kind of have a better idea of what to expect. Dress comfortable, don’t bring a book.

Ovation Fertility...Implant: I always forget COVID never stopped being a reality for hospital establishments. I always forget to bring a mask to these things. Arrive 15 minutes early in Newport Beach, take a Valium an hour before. Implant goes well-go home and rest. Also, if they let your partner in-film the implant.

Implant day is a day of rest, and this time I am trying to take two more days of rest after. I am an awful patient and this is hard for me to do. Post transfer we ran low on p4 so we transitioned to 1/2 crinone and 1/2 p4 for the every 12 hour injections. There are enough drugs on hand to get through to the pregnancy test and once confirmed, we stick with this or go all crinone. I don’t remember my last boys’ implant well but this time around, my left uterus feels like a battle zone a bit.

Trimester Breakdown:

Part 1: 10/7-1/8

Part 2: 1/9-4/12

Part 3: 4/13-7/15

November 2022:

An appointment was set up to have a blood draw/pregnancy test on 11/7. What was the time like before? I felt most, if not all, the symptoms. Pray tell, what are the symptoms of the first trimester?

First Trimester Signs: Nausea, Metallic Taste, Foggy Brain, Cramps, Tiredness, Breast Tenderness,

For me, and according to old wives tales, boys are supposed to be worse. This round definitely felt different as I felt very sore for up to a week after implant. Google says this is ok but man, it was kind of odd. The first blood test of Week 4/5 happened and TBD. If this goes well, I go two more times-two days apart. In theory the HCG a pregnant body produces should double every day. The first time you are able to view anything on an ultrasound is week 6. The next, and final, intralipid appointment would also happen that week.

The first blood test was good and positive, the next blood test the values should of doubled...and they did not. They increased but did not double. The office wants me to see the third test before jumping to any conclusions. The second blood draw was a 15% rise. The third blood draw was a 66% rise, so they kept us on the schedule and we scheduled the first ultrasound at 6 weeks 4 days. They also had me schedule my second, and last, intralipid appointment for that same day. Prior to going to going into the first ultrasound, there were 50/50 odds that this is a viable pregnancy.

We went in for an ultrasound and there was a gestational sac, but nothing that could be seen in the sac. They did a blood draw, to confirm the hCG is rising as a pregnant body should be. I had an intralipid appointment but they wanted me to move it, and wait for the results. The beta was rising, so we stay in the game another week. Order more drugs from MDR Pharmacy and scheduled another ultrasound for the end of the week. The intralipid appointment was moved to the same day as the next ultrasound.

Oso Home Care...Intralipids: This trip was shorter, already in the system and they have an idea of how quickly you take the liquids and what not. I believe this time was about 3 hours?

Also, I am keeping track of my weight, as women who are overweight before need to be careful how much weight they put on. When I checked on it, I actually had lost weight. Between my keto diet, morning sickness, and other pregnancy symptoms. In the first trimester one can lose a bit, but should this trend keep up in the second trimester...we got problems. Went in for the next appointment and while it was still not where it was supposed to be, there was improvement in both Beta (blood draw) and ultrasound findings. By this time I am almost 8 weeks along and there should be some major organs created, like the heart.

December 2022:

The next ultrasound would be interesting as it was kind of the determined trip to “call it”. Why would I want to call it? Because since implant, it has been very “we don’t have good news but we have not bad news so keep injecting”. And the body can only take so much for something that they said was most likely to end in bad news? But the doctor makes a good point that while certain things should be in place by this appointment, babies can be “past their due date” so if they are slow to grow, as long as they grow, it is fine? As the train carrying the passenger, the “limbo” is annoying as hell.

The Week 8 Ultrasound: Yeah, so that went about as good as that was going to. The doctor finally called it. It is sad, bumming, annoying, frustrating, relieving yet unwantedly so. They are three options to resolve this round: to let it happen naturally, use drugs to help “speed things along”, or get a D&C. For now, we are going to cancel medications and assess in another couple of days. Did a blood draw to see where the beta is, and establish a comparison point for declines in the future.

For the next blood draw, I could of gone to my Fertility Care office-but with us at the sad end of the process-and them not being part of our insurance-we decided to finish the process in slightly more complicated insured way. They ordered the blood draw at Quest Diagnostics. I made an appointment and the results were sent to Fertility Care. I have seen some insurance that covers infertility, but for the most part that is a sad joke. Some jobs cover that too. If you need that as an option, it’s worth looking into.

Pay attention to your body. I had sharp pains on my lower left abdomen area the day before the blood draw. Like, bad enough to make me basically pointless the rest of the night. The next day they continued, and I called it in. I am now on the alert for heavy bleeding and those pains, as the combination means bad news. But should be signs the body is starting the miscarriage process. To speed things up, they put me on Letrozole and Acetaminophen-COD. This will be my first time having a drug induced natural miscarriage.

Four pills at night for 7 nights, bleeding can last up to a week. Blood was being drawn at Quest Diagnostics and the beta hcg was going down. I used pads for a week to “measure” how much I was bleeding, more than two pads in two hours was bad news. Blood draw to see where we were at, luckily enough for all involved-there was no hemorrhaging. The second week of miscarriage recovery-less blood, less medications, but no less feels? Research shows it could take up to 6 weeks for my body to get back to “normal”. There are some herbs and vitamins I can take to help, but mostly it was rest and food and relaxation.

So, what happened? While there are no answers, there is a scientific name for this. Funny how that works out huh? Here is what I think happened:

“ A blighted ovum, also called an anembryonic pregnancy, occurs when an early embryo never develops or stops developing, is resorbed and leaves an empty gestational sac. The reason this occurs is often unknown, but it may be due to chromosomal abnormalities in the fertilized egg.” (Source: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/pregnancy-loss-miscarriage/expert-answers/blighted-ovum/faq-20057783)

Because this is an IVF process, and everything is tested and in some ways controlled, I doubt it is because of any chromosomal abnormalities. But it is crazy how many variations of miscarriages are out there. And really, even in the same person’s journey-no two are the same. Oh to know so much yet so little.

Honestly, this is a very tough process. I am not sure what to think. Doctor thinks we should implant (IN ME) the last embryo, possibly changing nothing, and see if it works when I am mentally and emotionally ready. For now, the only thing for sure is its BREAK TIME. Is it too soon for a surrogate? I don’t understand how I can be such a medical mystery. It is a very strange feeling.

#my infertility journey #IVF #in vetro fertilzation #round 4 #pixabay #ERA #intralipids #rant #cvs pharmacy #birth control #enskyce #fertility care #oso home care #ovation fertility #surrogate #quest diagnostics #anembryonic pregnancy #miscarriage #blighted ovum

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psychemeanscure · 4 years ago

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PART 8

“Holy Sh*t. Jang! Did you just--- Urgh! You bastardo.”

A surprised curse blurts out into her mouth definitely, the moment she led her unprepared eyes upon the arrogant Jang Taeyoung who is just confidently came in to the room where she is. Only to receive an exasperating awe which also halts his steps for a second through its closet. Doubting eyes now landed to her. “Did I heard it right? You just cursed in English? That’s new eh?”

His very random casualty anyhow which she straightly did not entertain. Him who is finally settling a chosen cloth putting it for a bit on the backrest of his dressing table chair. while she in the other hand has to deal with it as usual. He’s only wearing a bathrobe, for Pete’s sake! She can’t still even oblige herself to turn her head to look at him. Waking up in an unfamiliar room was already a bewilderment for her, what more with this loco she is with. She almost seen half of his--- “Aish! Can you please wear something already?!” only answered by a smirk which she obviously unseen.

“Wait? Are you shy? What a news. So, Sung Eunyoung still knows how to get nervous, huh?”

Thus, she had no choice but to face him with a frowning look, remembering to seek her own confusions. “Tsk. Happy? Where am I anyway? And why am I with this thing?” pertaining to the IV inserted in her wrist certainly, as her gaze wanders to him who’s reaching a first aid kit from a bedside table.

“To detox the drug in you. And for the record, you’re in my penthouse.”

His firm answer indeed while she was shock, undecided between which she must confirm first. “What?” the sensible remark she can only utter then. Eyes still following onto him who’s now setting himself to grab a seat beside her on the bed. “Which of the two did you mean by that? I can’t follow.” Him who’s starting to get a cotton and sanitizer from the kit, which also led for the appearance of her anxiousness that she was now totally agitated settling her eyes between his movement and to her IV, including her unsettled answer as well.

“T-the pent--- I mean the drug. I was drug?!” her stuttering success words somehow, but not long enough to get her nervous the moment he finally holds her forearm that she quickly moves back. “Hey, what are you doing?” her prudent fight indeed, only to be hold back by him. “I’ve been doing this on my own, Sung Eunyoung. Trust me.”

Just to be answered by her hesitating groan, still. “Are you sure? Can’t you at least call a doctor instead?” thus a frustrating sigh went into him totally. “Seriously, woman? Who do you think settled this dammit Intravenous, and the hell who shot you a tranquilizer during your influence, huh?”

“You shot me a what?!” obviously another surprise for her. “You heard it. So, are we settled then?” only proceeded by her surrendering hum. “Good. Tss. You stubborn volatile.” His last statement then, before cautiously performing the removal of the IV. Not when he heard a whimper from her though who’s actually avoiding her eyes from her wrist. Reason for his little laugh as well. “You’re afraid after all. Is it blood or needle?” holding her temper not to explode. “Shut up. Just finish what you are doing will you?”

Only to hear another laugh from him. Somehow take the courage to look at him though, as she only notices the usual brushed up hair of him is on a hair down bangs for a while. ‘He looks good.’ As what her thoughts says otherwise. Later landed to the glimpse of his tattoos especially by the lower part of his neck. ‘se---‘

“I might melt anytime soon, Sung Eunyoung… You don’t have too fluster me, I already know I’m erotic.”

Before she could piece her second thought obviously, he already concluded it right. That she had to only clear her throat and avoid his gaze instead. Before deciding to dodge it by another reopening topic. “Uh. Hm. Right, tell me how did I got influenced then. What drug was it?” only to be answered by his hidden smirk as he welcomes to give her details.

“Ecstasy. So basically, the filthy Spanish dimwit poured a powder type in your drink and you carelessly bite it. The end.”

As if his tale-like story telling that he already expected the disbelief reaction to her who only manage to glance by her reflection through the window glass, out of frustration.

“Jesus. It literally slipped on my mind. He probably did it when I was focused to the gift h--- wait? Speaking of, where was i---“

“Burned.”

Somehow satisfied from what he did. “Ah. Okay.” That she just casually answered without objection. But to him was a bit unexpected. “I actually thought you’ll disagree. But after learning from you today, well I like it though. Good to know.” And with the last touch from the cotton and plaster tape on her wrist. He’s finally finished. “I did something crazy, aren’t I?”

Just to receive a sly smirking smile from him, as he even tilting his head for teases. “Want to go on details as well?” understanding his remark perhaps that her hair should be disheveled. Promptly realizing the white shirt and checkered pajama on her that surely his. As she was now fuming mad with the man beside her. “You take advantage of me?!”

Fully her accusations indeed after hastily throwing a pillow to his face. “Great. What a word for a thank you.” As he helplessly reached the thrown pillow somehow and putting it back on the bed. “Listen, woman. I honestly did not. Well fine, almost. And upon mine you were wearing, I called assistance. Now, does it answer your madness then?”

Crossing his arms as he gave the straight explanations to her. Only to see the doubting look on her, still. Cause by his aggravating sigh. “Do I now have to call for CCTV personnel?” scoffing in the end as she just chose to believe his words. Thus, he stands up after closing the first aid kit and place it back where it belonged.

“Anyhow. I had to go somewhere for a bit. I already called room service for your breakfast, though. You’ll just have to open the door for them. Unless you’re in a diet…” thus his quick reflexes of changing his clothes began that she had to curse him again as she just decided to went out of his bedroom first instead. Than implanting malicious images she never wished to see anyway. Loud banging of the door definitely, proceeding with her series of curses. “Urgh! This maldito bastardo, really.” Only to be answered by a laughter from him once more.

As she went nowhere to his living room couch. Frowning eyes still focused to the cursed room she went out. “Tss. This bastardo really get on my nerves. Aish.” Her last call of complains finally, before chooses to just wander her eyes to the features of his penthouse somehow. For it was also her first time to be inside it. Truly it is, for she always refused his invites. The hell will she dared too. Thus, she starts to stand up from the couch, roaming herself to each corner of his living room with the crossing of her arms, as if a critique meticulously rules on every aspect of it. From the structure of its walls, design of selected artworks, to the bookshelves, until a pit stop to his window glass. Giving the answers of her opinions. “Hm. Not bad.”

“Of course! Why would it be?”

Just to hear the boasting remark of the owner who seems good to go, after buttoning a last button from his coat sleeves. Too late to regret her compliments. “So a Jang Taeyoung knows to read somehow, huh?” her motioning to the pile of books in a way. “Uh. That? Nah. Just for display purposes. You don’t have to fall in love. Are you?”

That she had to rolled her eyes with his nonsense schemes. “Just go, please.” The dullness of her words certainly. “Wow. I was not informed that my penthouse has a new owner, eh?” thus, his sarcasm came in. “Big word, as if you’re not doing it well with my apartment.”

Satisfied by the raising of his arms of surrendering. “Fine, I lost. Jeez you, woman. You really have your way of words I can’t seem to defeat.” As he starts to push the up icon of his private elevator, with a freehand in its pockets. “Bye! I shall return. Don’t worry, I won’t take long. Be good to my penthouse. Alright, Love?”

As much as she hurries to protest by his last word, she’s too late anyway for the doors of the elevator already closed with the sly winking man inside it. That she only walks back with a frustrating shaking head. Not long enough after remembering her little disappointment a while ago, unconsciously turning her head to the closed elevator again.

“He looks better with a hair down, tho--- Aish! Am I really thinking about that? Urgh.”

Her reproaches to herself definitely, after shaking her head again as she chooses to continue exploring his penthouse anyway while waiting for the room service to arrive. Later on take a minute before it finally came, that she can even decipher the discerning eyes of the service crew as if implying something she surely know. “If you’re done, you’re good to go.” A superiority coldness from her words indeed, just enough to scare an already nervous crew, which she did not fail to give an intimidating look the moment it went out.

“Mierda! So, I had to suffer for misjudgment now? Great. Just great.”

Her last complains definitely, before settling to the food served for her. And when she’s in the middle of biting the last variant of fruits, a small opening from somewhere caught her attention that she even takes its saucer and fork with her as she steps into it. Just to be astonished upon learning what’s through it.

A better view of the mesmerizing sky and busy streets of the city. That she wished she could see during the night. Capturing every futuristic structures. Not when her eyes landed to its indoor pool situated on the center though. That she intuitively frowns with the thoughts of him bringing different b*tches for his satisfaction. Thus, without any second thoughts, she swiftly avoids her gaze to it, not liking to feed her thoughts with much scandalous one. Thankful for her eyes to find a much intriguing view. As she decides to put off the saucer and fork on to a wooden deck chair just beside her. Walking her steps towards a wall to later take off the satin cloth covered on it.

A pastel portrait of Jang Taeyoung that is too good to be one. For she almost considered it a photo. Clasping her hands to her back as she somehow studied the intricate wave of lines of it that she began to get curious of its texture and was about to touch it.

“Loving your view?”

Only to be cut by the devil who’s obviously just came back from his agenda. That she had to turn her back to the portrait and unwillingly face the latter who had just use her fork to pick a fruit from her saucer on the wooden deck chair. “Not really.” Chooses to slip her disapproval by his actions, instead, and just better entertain his questions. “Why?” his itching question while she tends to point to her back, again.

“Well, did this man tell you how I’ve been discriminated by a service crew as if I’m one of your bicha, huh? Cabrón?”

Only to accused the innocent portrait indeed. Leaving him in awe somehow. “See? That’s the result of your everyday refusal with my invites. They could have been familiar to you by now if you at least agree just once.” That she only gives in a rejecting snort. “No thanks still, Mr. Jang.”

“Oh, come on. Again?”

“Since I can tell how many b*tches you already brought and claim with this dirty pool of yours. And you still expect me to come?”

Pouting with the thought truly, as he even gazed his eyes to the thing. “Well I can’t argue with that, though. Do you want me to move out, then?” that confusions crept her. “Eh? And what does it have to do with me? Do what you want, why need my permission, Loco. You have money enough to waste.”

That the only thing he could do is snap in the air. “Right. What am I expecting even? Tss. Here, at least.” That’s where she noticed two paper bags in his hands as he offers one to her. Somehow understood her questioning gaze onto it that he seemed oblige to answer in some way. “Your cloth from yesterday. I handed it to the laundry last night. In case you want to retrieve it?”

Just a reason for her sudden irritation in a way. “Trash that. I can only remember what the coño kid did to me. Urgh.” Thus a satisfying smirk paved his way. “I knew it. A new one it is.” Him, swapping it with the other one then, as she seems contented by his guts. “Thank you.” Accepting the offer indeed by means of her starting walking ahead of him to finally change. Remembering something she almost forgot to ask. “Right. By any chance. Did you manage to---“

“Don’t worry. We already solved the mess, Ms. Sung.”

Cut by her words obviously, but somehow relieve by his answer. “Good. I thought I---“

“Almost forgot to remind you as well that the next time you wear revealing clothes, don’t expect me to be a good boy. Understand, hm? Love?”

Had to gasp an unexpected certainly, for she did not expect his sudden move, hugging her from behind as soon as she went out of the changing room. In means of feeling his rubbing thumb on the navel part of her body. Worst when he leans to kiss the back of her earlobe, that she had to grip to his hold for a while as support to her unravel stance and close her eyes like it’s the best sensation she ever had, to later silently curse herself with the thought. If this is the aftermath of her influence, then screwed up! She really hated it totally. By means she had to fight it in any way. With a gritting teeth and stern look, she succeeded surely.

“Get your hold out of me before you meet your destiny behind bars, Jang Taeyo---“

“Want to take revenge with the dimwit somehow? I can be a help though.”

The supposed to be frustration from cutting her words only replaced by a tempting welcome from the offer he suggested. “How?” too late to regret her move of turning her head to face him, as she forgot they were still close to each other. Opposite to how he desirably stares to her lips. Meeting his sly expression again. “Now, you’re all ears.” His only remark before miraculously just let go of her without urging for teases like he always do. Except for the smirk, maybe. Thank God still, as the thought of punishing someone excites her for no reason.

#kim soo hyun #seo ye ji #seo yea ji #psycho but it's okay #itsokaynottobeokay #its okay not to be okay #moon gang tae #ko mun yeong #korean actor #korean actress #realkoreanmovie #real #hyunji #hyunjicouple #sung eun young #jang tae young #jangtaeyeong #by quantum physics #quantum physics

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skittles1229 · 4 years ago

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Old Expectations Die Hard (Dashie x Reader Fanfic)

Chapter One: Weird Circumstances

You know your life is complicated when the friend you always complain to says "you never have a dull moment do you?" I sigh as the weight of the world seems to make it impossible to breath. You see recently things have been rough. I lost my job and my fiance all in the same day, that itself was an unbelievable story. I was so upset and strung out on thoughts of what to do that once i got home early from work i didn't notice the extra car in the driveway. i stepped into my home and my own floors felt as if they'd given way when i saw the guy i thought i'd be spending my life with in bed, with my sister... my sister and i hadn't been on good terms for a while and for a good reason! The drugs she took either made her unreliable and selfish or crazy and murderous. He, of course, pulled the its not what you think, id never hurt you, it was a mistake, and honestly i could write a book out of the excuses i heard in the time of two minutes but maybe another time. Needless to say i left. I never thought about going back and to be honest my sister looked more hurt then i was. I took a job in California a few weeks ago and moved in with my friend (BFF Name). They always seemed to know what to say and honestly i truly believe They knew me better then i know myself.

California gave me the biggest culture shock I've ever had. I came from Mississippi, the bible belt and the most rural part of the world. California was sooooo different then what i was use to. The weather is awesome. There's lots of jobs for technical people, at least until you're 45 and then you're considered ancient and you can't possibly know anything when some 23-year old out of Stanford tells you that they know it all. (a little bit of sarcasm there) It's a great place to start a new company, money is available as is talent. The risk of starting a company is lower since you can always find a new job The politics are insane, if you aren't towing the progressive party line you should just STFU. If you even once say that Trump has done something positive, or that Obama did something negative prepare for the wrath. Read the stuff behind the recently filed lawsuit against google for a taste of what it's like. Seriously, don't say a word. The state if structurally bankrupt, although the finances look good because so much stuff is off of the balance sheet. The public pension liability dwarfs the "good" part of the budget, and some day it is coming home to roost. Watch out when it does. The cost of living is absurd, really absurd. I'm not talking just a place to live but gas, electricity, haircuts, milk, pizza, you name it. The traffic is absurd too. (can you tell i like the word absurd) The public transit, although usually on time, is a mess. People are pigs, they throw trash everywhere, the cars are overcrowded almost all the time.

I've got to say, from how much it sounds like i hate California, i actually don't. Mainly because its so far away from my original family, leaving really helped me start to grow up and feel like maybe i was getting a hold of my life again. Only problem has been getting to my new job on time. I work as a barista and a waitress at a brunch place a good minute away from the apartment. The money is good, otherwise i wouldn't waste my time with the commute everyday. i keep being late to work because i still haven't adjusted to how terrible traffic is and so my boss was "nice" enough to switch me to the later shifts. The hours are long and boring because my shift starts in the middle of rush hour to the slowest hours at the end of the day meaning you have to find things to keep yourself busy with. the only good thing is, we can wear pretty much anything we want as long as its black. all i wear is dark colors so i didn't have to spend any extra money on a uniform and i didn't have to wear the same thing everyday. Today i decided i wear a v-neck shirt that with an emperor waist (body forming) with black skinny jeans and my regular converse. i decided against driving to work and decided it would be far smarter to catch a bus to the nearest destination. My (hair color) hair was done is a fishtail messy braid, i always liked this style because it made me look like i had a head full of hair when in reality i thought i was going bald.

My personality was a little odd, you see some days i felt like the beautiful nerd who has no confidence and wants to hide away in a hole. other days i feel like a model from Victoria secrets, of course those are the days i get the most tips. today was honestly a mutual day, where id rather be at home in my bed asleep, or listening to music. The bus finally stopped a block away from my job and i sighed obviously not wanting to go into work. surprisingly there wasn't nearly as many cars as there usually is around this time but i wasn't complaining. i walk in to see that most of the downstairs was empty but whoever was upstairs definitely had a loud mouth. i walk to the back in order to clock in and i bump into melany ( the girl im shifting with). "wow you actually got here on time! Maybe the boss's mood will cheer up." i huffed a little. "yea, i dont know why i thought id need a car in California, say whats with the low level of customers? its NEVER this slow." she looked at me in disdain, "some guys reserved the entire upstairs and we had to make this huge table out of all our tables up there, glad im not gonna be the one fixing it later." i rolled my eyes, i hated when a huge family came in and they just had to move everything around because little johnny wants the sit next to suzzie and suzzie HAS to sit by her parents bc she likes to throw her food on the floor, all fake names but a real situation ive been in before. "well have they at least been fed so that i only have to clean up after them?" she shook her head while hanging up her apron. "nope, they've only ordered their drinks and they are getting those onto trays now." so today was gonna be like every other day. "guess i better go help them take those upstairs then, have a good rest of your day." i walk away and slip on my apron, grabbed one of the trays of drinks while another waiter grabbed the rest of the drinks. Once i got upstairs, that's when i met him...

Chapter Two: Last Will and Testament

He was sitting on the far end of the long table of people laughing and joking. everyone seemed to be loud and all had their own inside jokes. This guy, he stuck out. i changed my attention to the task at hand, finishing this shift. i hated when people moved all the tables and seating around. all the waiters and waitresses have to go back behind them and look at the layout of the floor to put them all back exactly as they were before. it was a struggle and because of this nobody actually wanted that job so usually the manager gives it to her least favorite workers and i happened to be one. "who all had coke?" nobody answered me so one of the men bellowed out the same line and somehow was able to get a show of hands. i walked around handing out drinks, catching the lingering smell of strong liquor. i could tell by the end of tonight they would all be wasted and loud. please, just don't make more of a mess then you have to, i thought to myself. i had one drink left on my tray, "sweet tea?" the guy i saw before at the end of the table waved his hand and i dreaded going over there, i always seem to make a fool of myself when it matters.

i make my way slowly down the table with the tray under my arm and the tea in my hand. i lean over to sit his drink on the table.."here's your t-" *CRASH* while joking with one of his friends his elbow crashes into my hand sending the tea flying all over me and the cup crashing to the floor, thank god i wore black. he turned around and looked more horrified then i did. "i'm sorry! i'm so sorry!" his voice was deeper then i imagined it'd be. "no, it my fault i'm sorry ill get you a new one." i turned away to hide my embarrassment and walked away really just trying to get away from the situation. i could tell from the silence behind me that all eyes were on me. i ran to the back where the lockers were for the service. i went to the bathroom and stripped the sticky clothes off throwing them aside. i sat on the toilet trying to catch my breath, my social anxiety had struck me hard. a feeling of worthlessness and dread fell over me like a blanket. after the past few months i've had just one day without something terrible happening would mean the world to me. i heard a knock on the door, it was melany, she walked in with a towel from the kitchen. "hey, i heard what happen upstairs are you ok?" i covered my breast trying keep myself as unexposed as possible. "oh yea im fine, im just cold, and sticky, and... covered in tea." melany and i made eye contact and both laughed just to lift the dread in the air. "let me guess, all the guys are getting a kick out of watching me fumble again huh?" i said a little less concerned and more annoyed. she rolled her eyes "they are boys, they get a kick out of picking their own nose. we both slid to the floor beside each other, she hands me the damp towel. i get most of the sticky off as possible, throwing my hair up to make it look less clumped together by the sugar. "i have an extra black t shirt in my locker but i don't know how it will fit you. your breast are at least a size larger then mine." i shrugged my shoulders, "who cares ill make do. thanks for your help melany." she smiled her weird anime girl smile and ran to get the shirt from her locker.

ill have to admit, she was right about the size thing. it was far to small around the chest area but the rest fit fine. after the incident my boss stuck me down stairs wiping tables and sweeping the floor, i dont mind though because i get to experience the day coming to an end with a beautiful sunset over California. i secretly kept the the window to watch as the sun fell from the sky. the sky seemed to burn and darken while the clouds began to glow with the last bit of sunlight left. the sky filled up with burning Burgundy and faded orange and yellows, the tallest buildings seemed to reach for the skyline as if it were a sunflower moving to the last drip of sunlight. moving here had been hard, and this had become one of the things i looked forwards to. living in the apartment with my friend was nice, buts its not the same as coming home to someone you use to lay with every night. sleeping alone seemed so much colder and emptier then i remembered from childhood. my mother would be so disappointed in the way i turned out, in the places id gone and the decision to spend my life with someone who was most obviously the wrong one. she would have told me to slow down and to take my time, that growing up wasn't everything. she would have said love isn't something you just wake up and have, its something you make. i wasn't anywhere close to where i thought id be by now, and i could see that. it tears at my heart everyday, not being able to see her or any of my family. sometimes it felt as if they'd all died in the fire that night.

i suddenly heard a boom of voices making their way down the stairs, i hadn't realized how close to closing time it had become. all of them walk out stumbling and laughing at their own jokes, seems they all got a good bit of drinking in, all except one. The guy i ran into on accident seemed as sober as ever, designated driver i think, he was much taller now. he seemed muscular but in such a fitting way for his body. his teeth sparkle because their so white, his smile complimented him best. his high cheekbones made his chocolate brown eyes his best feature. His skin was glowing with a sweet honey hue and before i could notice that i was staring he turned his head. his eyes met mind before i could think twice and that's when i felt the heat rise to my cheeks. weather it be from embarrassment or silly school girl shyness i didn't know . i turned my face away but it was too late, i turned my face a little just to catch a glimpse of him before he made his way out of the door and that's when i noticed his cheeks had gone from a burnt caramel to a rosy color. i felt my body shiver at the thought that maybe, just maybe he found me as attractive as i found him. i shook the thought from head realizing they had began locking the place down. as i helped close up shop and wash dishes i couldn't help but to let my mine wander to all different kinds of thoughts, funny thing was they always fell back to him and his rosy cheeks. i couldn't help but smile as i felt my heart race at the thought of him, even though id made a fool of myself today i was glad i hadn't ruined my chances. Even if he'd never get with me or i wouldn't ever see him again, i'd still take it as a compliment that he even looked my way.

before long we were all outside laughing and talking about today. The manager locked the doors and said his goodbyes. i turn to walk towards the bus station when i see a man standing aside awkwardly between the restaurant and the parking lot. suddenly my eyes adjusted and once they did, the joyousness butterflies came back and the blush suddenly reappeared on my cheeks..

There are lots more chapter after this if you are interested you can find them here

https://my.w.tt/sosFRmianbb

#dashiegames #dashiexp #dashie x reader #fanfictions #fanfic #self insert #romance

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alleiradayne · 4 years ago

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LONG JACKET A DESTIEL-ISH SERIES

Over the last few years, I’ve seen some of the craziest shit hunting with the Winchesters and their angel, Castiel. But this story right here? This isn’t about monsters. This isn’t about the battle between good and evil, heaven and hell. I understand all that.

It’s people I don’t get. People are crazy. And we do crazy things when we’re in love.

PART IV - UNDERSHIRTS

Summary: A lot of investigation, a little bit of a lead, and some personal time between Sam and Y/N. Warnings/Tags: Seriously, more awkward flirting, mentions of missing persons, investigations Characters/Pairings: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Female!Reader Word Count: 1,656

“This doesn’t make any sense.”

In a rare display of emotion, Sam tossed the dossier onto the dash of the Impala. “Why in the hell did five random dudes just… disappear?”

The Impala rolled around a corner as Dean turned down a residential street outside of Salem proper. “Maybe they were rushes? Initiation gone wrong…”

“They’re twenty-seven. If you’re going back to college at that age, the likelihood of joining a fraternity is very slim,” Sam replied. “I doubt a group would even rush them.” His chin dropped into his right hand, elbow propped on the sill of the passenger door. “None of this makes sense. I don’t even think it’s a case.”

There’s a reason I don’t play poker. Dean saw my reaction clear as day in the rearview mirror. “What’s up, Y/N?”

“I’m not sure anything up our alley is going on here,” I managed. “So I dunno. Vampires? Draining young, healthy guys and discarding the bodies?”

Beside me, Castiel shrugged. “It’s unlikely. There’s no other vampire behavior. These people went missing in the middle of the day.”

Sam whipped around to face him. “What?”

“The last time they were seen was the middle of the day,” Castiel stated. “You read the reports, right? That’s the only common thread I found.”

“Son of a bitch.”

Dean’s exaggerated gasp rent the air as he gawked at Sam, then laughed when he saw Sam’s flat stare. “I can’t believe it, the great Sam Winchester, investigator extraordinaire, missed something.”

“Shut up. It’s not like you noticed either,” Sam retorted.

As hard as I tried to hold back, unbidden laughter shook my shoulders. Between Sam’s irritation—I never wanted to annoy him, but as of late, it seemed relatively easy to get under his skin—Castiel’s impatience, and Dean’s one-track mind, my ribs burned with the effort to keep quiet.

“Hey,” Dean admonished as he slowed the Impala in front of a pale blue house. “I don’t hear you offering up anything besides lame-ass vampires, Ms. Y/N.”

“That’s because,” I started as I opened the door, “I bet you won’t like my best theory much.”

A metallic crunch echoed through the neighborhood as Dean exited the Impala and rounded the front-end. “Oh, I’ll take it,” he continued. “Twenty bucks says you can’t piss me off.”

Halfway up the walk to the house, I rounded on him and said, “I don’t think there’s a case here, and I think Detective Williams’ called you to get laid.”

If anything, Dean was, at most, mildly offended. He knew we weren’t dumb. Maybe he had hoped we wouldn’t figure it out. When the subtle pink blossomed on his cheeks again, he attempted to side-step me for the house, but Sam grasped him by the shoulder and pointed at me.

“Pay the lady.”

That indeed seemed to piss him off. Dean shoved a hand in his pocket, tore out his wallet, and shuffled through it. Then he smacked an old twenty-dollar bill into my hand and grumbled to himself as he stalked past.

“I think there’s actually a case here,” Castiel said over my shoulder.

“How so?”

He gestured to the house directly ahead. “I think we’re about to find out.”

Too many hours in and out of the car had stiffened my legs and knotted my neck. Not to mention all the sinking sofas, worn-out chairs, and leaned on countertops at five different interviewed homes. But it had all been worth it.

“Groceries.”

Dean kept repeating himself the entire way back to the motel.

“Groceries.”

“Dean, we get it, the last thing they told anyone they were going to do was grocery shopping,” Sam barked. “Why is that so weird?”

When the Impala lumbered over the driveway and into the motel’s parking lot, I decided it was time to play the game. “They all went to the same store. Could have been one of the employees.”

“That’s… a possibility, sure,” Sam started as he exited the car. When I followed, he continued. “But it’s just as likely that they were randomly targeted on the way to the store. Or out of the store.”

“Which store?” Castiel asked at the door.

Dean unlocked it and strode through. “L&M Foods.”

I had made it across the motel room and withdrawn my pajamas from my bag when Sam said, “We should take a look around tonight. When there aren’t so many people around.”

My chin slumped to my chest. “I guess I’ll sleep later.”

Castiel rushed to my side and touched my forehead with no warning. Warmth spread through my entire body, but when he withdrew his hand, I still ached. “You need to rest. We can check in the morning.”

Sam regarded Dean, who shrugged, then turned back to me with a worrying twist to his lips. He closed the space between us, then asked, “You gonna be okay, Y/N?”

The aching muscles in my neck screamed out for relief in the nearness of Sam. But I kept that to myself, despite my staring at his massive hands. “I need to get some sleep.”

Either he could read minds or body language. I’d bet on both. Sam’s soothing touch rubbed my shoulder. Perfectly innocuous, and every bit the caring friend he seemed determined to remain.

Except Dean knew otherwise. At least, I assumed he knew how I felt. When I spotted his crooked smile, I dug as deep as humanly possible for every ounce of resolve to not blush.

“Cas and I can—,” Dean started, but he froze when he turned to Castiel. Again.

Castiel had removed his suit jacket, tie, and button-up before anyone had noticed. “I… thought we weren’t going anywhere until tomorrow morning.”

To that day, I had never seen Dean’s face turn so red so quickly. And then it finally dawned on me. Where I had saved face—albeit a fraction—when caught pining for someone, Dean openly blushed, stared without reservation at the object of his affection.

Look, I am the first to admit that I know next to nothing about flirting. Hell, half the time, all I did was irritate the piss out of Sam. But Dean and Castiel knew fuckall. And at that exact moment, as Dean stared at Castiel in suit pants and an undershirt, everything made sense.

“You know, now that I think about it,” I started far louder than I had intended. Dean startled as he averted his gaze, and Sam snatched his hand from my shoulder. “We should get a look tonight.” Though I tried to fight it, a wide yawn interrupted my statement, and Sam’s touch returned.

“No, Y/N, you need rest,” he insisted. “You two can go tonight yet, right?”

Castiel shrugged back into his shirt. “I don’t need to sleep, but are you—”

“I’m fine!” Dean barked as he grabbed his jacket and rushed out of the motel room.

The dejected sigh from Castiel as he tossed on his suit jacket—he had forgone the tie, left in a pile on the table—followed him to the door.

“Hey, Cas.”

“Yes, Y/N?”

“Give him some time,” I said. “He’ll figure it out.”

He smiled at that. “Thank you.” Before heading through the door, he regarded Sam with an equally fond smile, then left.

When the door closed, I turned to Sam, but he spoke first. “Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?”

The perfect opportunity had presented itself, and I wasn’t about to waste it.

“You know, riding in the backseat of that car all the time really does a number on my back.”

“Oh,” he quipped as he sat on the bed. “Here, sit in front of me. The only spot in the Impala that is remotely comfortable is the driver’s seat.”

Well, shit. Can’t say I didn’t try. I did as he said and sat on the edge of the bed. Deft hands and precise thumbs started in on the knots of my shoulders with expert accuracy. “I guess you would know.”

“My neck is constantly killing me,” he agreed. “I usually take a couple tennis balls in a sock to my shoulders. Hurts like hell, but the relief is worth it.”

A momentary silence filled the space as my mind slowed to nothing and sleep threatened. Before long, I slumped over, and only Sam’s gentle shake woke me. “Sorry. Castiel wasn’t joking. This exhaustion is fucking terrible.”

Sam squeezed my shoulders one more time before motioning towards the bed. “You should change and get some rest. When we get back to the Bunker, I can really take care of these.” He prodded the lingering knot at the base of my neck.

“I could return the favor, too,” I suggested as I stood.

It wasn’t until I turned to him and found a blush on his cheeks, similar to Dean’s, that I understood. “I mean, only if you want, just thought I’d offer, you know, it’s fine if you don’t, I get it, it’s kind of weird—”

“I would enjoy that very much.”

If I hadn’t been so damn tired, I might have made another move. But sleep beckoned—no, demanded—my attention. I offered my best beyond-exhausted smile as I turned for the bathroom and, once there, shut the door.

I didn’t bother locking it. I knew Sam wouldn’t come in unless I explicitly asked. And even then, knowing how I’d burned the wick at both ends for far too long, he would merely drag my dead weight into bed to sleep. And sleep I would. Dear Lord, I never knew the human body could experience such draining exhaustion.

After a quick change of clothes and a brushing of teeth, I left the bathroom and found Sam at the table pouring over dossiers. His brief smile faded the second he returned to the profiles, eager to get to the bottom of the case.

As I curled into bed, I convinced myself that he wanted to get back to the Bunker sooner than I did.

Reblogs and feedback are awesome. If you want in on the tags, send me an ask or a DM!

LONG JACKET MASTER LIST

ALLEIRADAYNE’S SPN MASTER LIST

#destiel #destiel fanfic #destiel fanfiction #castiel #castiel fanfic #castiel fanfiction #dean winchester #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester fanfiction #sam winchester #sam winchester fanfic #sam winchester fanfiction

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squeezeofthehand · 5 years ago

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A (late) Review of Moby-Dick: A Musical Reckoning

I saw Moby-Dick: A Musical Reckoning by Dave Malloy last month, and I can basically divide it into “The Good, The Bad, and the Racist/Queerphobic/Ableist etc”

Some background: As most people who’ve ever spoken to me will know, I have a special interest in Moby-Dick AND Dave Malloy/Rachel Chavkin musicals (I truly believe that Great Comet is one of the best works of all time) and I consider Malloy and Chavkin both to be my biggest heroes and inspirations, at least when it comes to their respective style of writing and directing. That being said, they’re not perfect. I waited for this musical for about two years, and music/set/etc wise it exceeded my expectations, but it also majorly let me down in a lot of ways.

The Good: The cast! The crew! The set! (It was literally The Pequod - like, they got rid of the stage.) The lighting design in particular was really good - thank you, Bradley King. Manik Choksi, Andrew Cristi, and Starr Busby are gods. I do not have a singular bad thing to say about the cast or the design team! Even the stuff that was tacky/campy (i.e. some of the puppets) was tacky/campy in an enjoyable way. And the “fun” parts of the show were REALLY fun - the fact that they invited the audience on stage, the fact that they TRIED to make Moby-Dick more accessible even if they didn’t do it perfectly at times….the music, when not problematic, was BEAUTIFUL. Listen, I’d be lying if I said Dave Malloy wasn’t one of the best composers when it comes to skill. Everyone in that show sure can act, and sing…the band too, was marvelous, I heard no errors from anyone. This is, what, a three hour long show? And the cast/band was just like, “oh, no big deal.” Which makes “the bad” and “the racist” even worse because these people deserve better. This show deserves better, it deserves to be better.

The Bad: Well, as a book fan, I disagreed with a lot of characterization…most of which can fall into The Racist etc, so I’ll just focus on the “bad but not inherently problematic” here. I really didn’t agree with a lot of things about Ahab’s characterization, i.e. I did not read him as just a bad white guy who’s the epitome of privilege. Stubb, on the other hand is, a canon white supremacist in the book and that barely gets acknowledged in the ways that it should. I do get what Dave was trying to go for, especially in re: Ahab & climate change, but this wasn’t the show for it - or at least, Ahab wasn’t the character for it. Which brings me to my next point: Most of the time, I’m a fan of the quirky Malloyian anachronisms and parallels to modern day issues, but I feel like he was trying too hard here and stepping out of line. Loose adaptations can be fun, anachronistic adaptations can be fun, even INACCURATE adaptations can be fun…but this just wasn’t. It didn’t feel like Moby-Dick, but more like a story vaguely inspired by it. If that had been what he was going for, it would’ve been fine, but he really acted like this would be an accurate adaptation of the book, so I felt let down. The only anachronism/breaking of the fourth wall that I somewhat liked were the talks of Melville and Hawthorne, honestly, and even those I’d sacrifice in favor for accuracy to the source.

And now…The racist/etc.

So.

Where to begin? I suppose chronologically. Queequeg. Who, according to Dave Malloy, is a stereotypical flamboyant queer person of color! and also a quirky cannibal! He’s trans in the musical, apparently, but there’s not much indication of that in the show beyond from him wearing a binder and a skirt. Now, I am all for trans Queequeg of course, but he was a caricature in this particular adaptation. I do not blame Andrew Cristi. I blame Dave (and mayyyybe the costume designers to some extent). I felt baited. Also, early production rumors and quotes said that there would be a song in which Queequeg saved someone from drowning. That never happened. It pains me to say it, but he didn’t feel that much like an important character (due to the bad writing -- again, it has nothing to do with the actor).

Additionally, Dave Malloy said that Queequeg and Ishmael would be a clear gay relationship…but the musical left so much room for them to just be interpreted as friends. It somehow became less gay than it is in the original Melville novel. The marriage was excluded, as were the quotes about them being a cozy and loving pair and about Queequeg holding Ishmael like a wife. They were replaced with the “I don’t wanna sleep with a cannibal” song, which was fun to watch at first but way too grossly stereotypical for me to genuinely enjoy it. Queequeg deserves a fun and light-hearted song, but he does not deserve a racist/homophobic one. My advice? Replace it with the actual chapters from the book, please. I do like the fact that The Pacific was a romantic duet and that they sing directly at each other during Squeeze Of The Hand, but those two songs are mere scraps especially compared to, for example, the Bosom Friend chapter of the book. It looked like they were going to kiss during The Pacific and I was very disappointed that they did not. Perhaps the team should keep the songs the way that they are for future productions, but add more romantic staging.

Pip-not-Pip/Elijah/??? (Ashkon Davaran’s character) and Fedallah were also major, major, issues. Not the actors, I love them. Not the book characters, I love them. But the musical characters.

Basically, Fedallah gets this 20 minute long monologue that can be summed up as “religion is bad” and a lot of other things including but not limited to egotistical fake-woke praise on color conscious casting and how badly America is fucked. And that’s not even mentioning the fact that Fedallah is Parsi and Zoroastranian in the book (and it is NOT good rep in the book by any means, trust me, I’ve been calling Malloy out on his racism but I can’t act as if book!Fedallah was anything less than an ~exotic caricature~ either). However, that’s beside the point, at least in this review. Musical!Fedallah is not Parsi nor Zoroastranian. Don’t read this the wrong way, I’m all for Black Muslim rep! But with a character who is already canonically something else? Take a white character and make them a Black Muslim, I encourage that, but when a character is already something else, no.

If the monologue was influenced/written by the actor, that’s one thing and I’d have less issue with it, but I think Dave wrote the vast majority of it, which…yikes…

My constructive criticism: Cut the Fedallah monologue. If the creative team still wants the actor/character to have the same amount of stage-time as he does now, replace it with a different monologue, maybe something from the book? Something about whaling history?

Another thing that needs to be cut or at least completely rewritten: Tambourine. The song starts off with an ableist verse that can be summed up as “you think you’re crazy because you get nervous on the subway? No! I’m more crazy than you!” Don’t take this as me saying that Pip’s trauma/PTSD shouldn’t be addressed at all, but this is the absolute worst way to address it. The song also has a lot of performative lines such as “is god cisgender?” Which, considering this is the same musical that also has trans bait, I truly hate it. Not that I think God should ever be viewed as a cis white man, but much like the “America is awful” stuff in the Fedallah Monologue, this is an offensive and fake-woke way to address such a topic.

Part IV was really heart-wrenchingly beautiful. No criticism there.

To summarize by part-

Part I: Cut/replace the campy Queeqeug song, but otherwise keep it as it is.

Part II: Cut/replace the racist and xenophobic Fedallah monologue.

Part III: Cut/replace Tambourine. The rest of the Ballad Of Pip (starting with Kim Blanck’s beautiful song) is alright. Good, even.

Part IV: Great! No editing needed besides from the typical tweaking that writers may choose to do after their first draft.

In general: Make Ishmael/Queequeg more obvious, make Queequeg less of a caricature, do some major editing to Fedallah and Pip-Not-Pip/Elijah/???. Tambourine and Fedallah’s Monologue need to be completely rewritten, but I get that the creative team may not want to take scenes away from the actors, which is why I encourage them to remove all of the racist bs and create something completely new/different for the actors to perform.

I understand that Moby-Dick is clearly a work-in-progress on all levels. I do not dislike for the show for being a scrappy rough draft. I judge it for its racist, homophobic, ableist, etc messages. Dave has acknowledged that this first copy is far from perfect, and I sincerely hope that the racism/etc. is the first and main thing that he fixes.

#moby dick #moby dick: a musical reckoning #dave malloy #call me sky #reviews

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judgement-free-sideblog · 5 years ago

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The enemy of love is the truth

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x reader

Summary: They were happy just as friends, but one morning the call from an old trauma may change everything.

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, history of drug use, mental health issues, cursing, angst.

This one is extremely long but I love the final result, the next chapter will be the end, thank for reading, comments are more than welcome.

■Part I ■ Part II ■Part III ■ Part IV ■ Part V ■ Part VI■ Part VII ■ Part VIII | Final ■

Part V

"And you didn't kiss, again?" Zawe said, she took a sip from her wine glass and take her hand to her forehead with exasperation. "This has been going on forever now, I'm done, Caroline you take care now"

"Don't look at me, I basically push them together what else can I do? Lock them inside my office? Trust me I have thought about it." The other woman said.

"Excuse me, I'm still here and I can hear you" Y/N said questioning why did she agree to have lunch with them in the first place, however she had chose to only tell them about the invitation to an ex's wedding and the late tea at Tom's flat and not a single thing else "And what does again is supposed to mean?"

"New year two years ago" Caroline started "I was dating that gorgeous Greek guy with the most beautiful abs I have ever seen, and everyone kissed at midnight, and what did you do? You leave the dance floor to go vomit in my bathroom"

"Oysters and champagne don't mix" Y/N said getting red remembering the night "And Stavros was only kind of hot" she add making Caroline sigh with pretend indignation.

"What about january last year?" Zawe continued "Bobby was sick and he was on call for his last movie, and you take a week off to stay at his place to help him out"

"First of all I love that dog, and I did that for him more than for Tom, and second I didn't stayed at his place" She answered knowing pretty well she was lying "I only get there super early and went out late at night, but I would have done that for you guys too"

They continued laughing and talking about nothing in particular, with the subject coming up time to time, they meant well and Y/N knew it, even if they didn't knew the whole story.

"Being honest he is as guilty as you are" Caroline said signaling the waiter to get the check. "Last year on November you were at that gynecology symposium on Madrid, and he acted like he was losing his mind until he got in to a plane to met you there, and what brilliant excuse did he give you? He said he needed a flu shot and don't trust his doctor here, also all those times he had crashed at your apartment are total bullshit I was with him the other night and he didn't have a single drop, and I'm getting tired of helping him pretend he does"

"Oh please stop it already" they were walking towards Zawe's car and she was as amused to find the truth about that obvious lie as she was exasperated by her friends "You are right ok? at least on my side. I have been childish about all of this. But if I'm honest I don't know what could I do? In the end I'm still a general practitioner from a tiny hospital and he is Tom Hiddleston"

"Well darling, he could be the sound engineer of the theater or the Prime Minister himself" Said Zawe once they were inside the car "He still is crazy about you. What you have to do is take the leap, talk about it like adults, go to the bloody wedding and enjoy yourself without thinking of anyone else"

"And for once don't run away like a scared chicken when things get personal" Caroline said happy that she finally was able to acknowledge her feelings.

"Sure... why not? By the way I been meaning to tell you something..."

The conversation fade away in other topics, a few more relevant than others, but Y/N mind was far away in the past thinking of the last time she risked all for him and how tremendously wrong it all have turn out.

They had agree he will pick her up at her place, after the most demanding shift she ever had, she took a quick shower and put on a flowy dress, and her coat, and in an effort to look more decent a pair of earrings.

She was trying desperately to make her makeup work when an alarm went off in her phone, a reminder to make a call and before she could think it trough she was already listening the dial tone, praying for him to don't pick up.

"Hi there" his voice finally said when she was about to hang up "so glad to hear you. It's everything alright?"

"Completely, how about you? Did you change your job as you wanted?" She said, now trapped in the conversation.

"I did, and them I changed it again, that's why you should call people more than once a year, otherwise you never know the full story. What's new with you?"

"I start working part time at a theater, as a personal doctor for the manager" she said getting close to what she wanted to say to him.

"Oh that's great, have you met someone interesting there? Are you dating some gorgeous Shakespearean actor... actress??" He still knew her well enough to make things easy for her to talk about.

"I do, in fact I have a date... soon, it's that ok?" She said the last a bit doubtful, she didn't want to hurt him again.

"That's amazing Y/N" David said sincerely "And relax, is not me who you should be worried about, I want you to be happy, just don't go sabotaging things like you use to. I love you girl, but if I'm honest I think you chose to be miserable even when other people try their best to make you happy"

They talked for another couple minutes and when she finally said goodbye his words kept resonating in her mind, but he was wrong, it was not sabotaging, it was self preservation, like this stupid idea of a date. She was quite sure he was trying to make her feel less ashamed for her drunken advances on him, a nice dinner, some talking so she could go on with her life thinking "It simply didn't work, but he is such a nice man"

And she hated herself for ending up in such pathetic position, thinking of how much fun tom must have had watching her making a fool of herself. She was determined then to call off the date, make a graceful scape before she could embarrassing herself but before she could called him there was a ring at her door.

He was gorgeous of course, his beard as well maintained as always and his hair combed to de back of his head in beautiful waves that she wanted to touch since the first time she saw him. He was wearing a coat over a simple dark grey shirt and jeans.

He smiled fondly at her when he saw her, there were dark circles under her eyes and he thought they looked beautiful, something refreshing about a woman who worked that hard on something that she loved.

Y/N intrigued him, she seemed to live like a mature functioning adult, but there was a childish sparkle in her eyes when she started to talk that made him want to know more about her, but then that ever present hint of sadness always refraining her to talk to much, all of which made her the most interesting puzzle.

"Something in mind you would like to eat?" He asked once they were inside his car, with his tinted windows up, he liked driving alone, but he liked his privacy more and they have proven to be an effective solution.

"Not really, anywhere you pick will be fine" she said smiling and he drove to a nice restaurant, making small talk about work, their mutual friends and the weather.

Once they arrived the valet took his keys and gave her what he thought was a meaningful almost impertinent smile.

"I really need to apologize for my behavior" She started once their food was ordered and the waiter had served them two big glasses of wine "It was inappropriate for me to act like that. I am deeply sorry"

"Don't be, we were all a little drunk. But it was nice talking to you" they ate in silence, other than, what she felt, empty mutual compliments on each others carreras. Proving what she had fear since the night before. Until he finally spoke again "I've been meaning to ask you, did you enjoy the play?"

"Absolutely, Mister Cox and Miss Ashton are outstanding, and you obviously it's an incredible play, all things considered" she said taken aback by the question and cursing herself for the last part.

"What things considered?" He asked now genuinely intrigued.

"Oh I'm sorry, I misspoke, it's something stupid actually" she said nervously trying to avoid his gaze and failing.

"Come on, I'm a big boy, I can take some criticism" he lean back on his chair and open his arms, as if he waited for a punch, his eyes still fix on Y/N.

"Ok, but do notice this is coming from Y/N the feminist doctor who spend her free time protesting and not Y/N the fan of theater and literature." She said finally looking back at him decided "I think somehow it demonizes Emma's betrayal and eventual "punishment" while it glorifies the male ego of the two men. And also Robert Down is a prick"

He opened his mouth slightly surprised and then closed his lips in a thin line and let go a chuckle, with a mild blush crossing his face.

"Auch" He said finally, "Well it's and old play... and he amm of course is not a good person, I guess if you are not familiarized with Pinter's work you may have that kind of conclusion"

He had trouble finding his words to debate her, although he was impressed with her honesty, but since it was a sensible matter he wanted to be clear, however Y/N interpreted as him trying to dismiss her statement and change the subject, which put her one step closer to anger.

"You really are that nice aren't you?" She started, with her voice cold and sharp "And I don't mean it as a compliment, but you are right. I don't know Harold Pinter's work but I do know he is factually wrong, there's no deep intricate meaning behind betrayal, in the end is quite simple, people can't make the choice of remaining truthful either to themselves or the people who they love without being bitches about it. You like to shag around no strings attached fine do that don't complain is it doesn't feel like a home, you want a successful marriage fine forget about any other bloody temptation and be decent. But I guess in the end lies are what keeps people together. Once the truth is out, love dies and so the relationship" he was astonished, however the passion in her voice made him answered to her in a similar tone, changing completely the direction he had imagine for the evening.

"Don't be absurd, that would imply people need to systematically lie in order to keep their relationships, if anything the play is a critique on those precise actions, while normal people try to have loving relationships in honesty, even when sometimes is easier to say a lie. And there's a complete difference between lying to save your arse and conceal your dishonesty, and lying to be socially functional"

"So you never lie?" She asked now completely furious of what she felt was hypocrisy.

"Everybody lies, that's the point, there is a difference in being oblivious on other people's feelings imposing your wrong personal opinions and pretend that's some moral high honesty, and being polite enough to avoid subjects that may hurt others" He said now crossing her arms, pleased with her momentary silence until she start to look for something in her purse trying to hide the hurt in her face.

"Exactly" She said finally putting a couple £50 notes on the table and looking at him with anger in her eyes "Like asking stupid women out so they don't feel like total idiots for hitting on you while they were drunk? That kind of politeness?"

"What?" He said flabbergasted finally rising his voice "That's why you think I asked you out?"

"Oh don't patronize me!" She said also rising her voice and standing up "It must've been so funny, asking a girl who is obsessed with you on a date, what amazingly beautiful act of chivalry. You know what you are? You are an entitled selfish bastard, who gets off on the world worshiping him." She took her purse of the table and put her coat back on, and before leaving she add "And men can't be feminist, you would know that if you read a book on feminist theory instead the glorified misogynistic bastards you adore"

She quickly move away from the table leaving a perplex Tom behind, but before she could exit the restaurant he started following her, reaching her just a couple meters from the valet parking station next to the restauran small planters.

"Oh this is very mature of you" he called her "You owe me an explanation"

"I don't owe you shit" He was close enough so he catch her by her wrist.

"Or at least let me take you home" he said turning her around, she rise her other hand and he prepared his right cheek for what he anticipated will be a slap, but something caught her eye and instead and she took her hand to her ear and to his surprise she change her voice to a high pitch whining, causing him to let her go.

"Oh whe is it? Where did I leave it? It must have fallen here" she started looking for something in the planters and kneeling near the fence.

"Are you having a stroke?" He asked getting down to her level "what are you looking for?"

"There's a guy with a camera hiding behind a car two meters from you" she said rapidly in a whisper, she quickly put one of her earrings in his hand and said: "Follow my lead, don't look back. Stand up now"

He did as she told him and they stand up, he was still holding the earring in his hand when she took it smiling wide, and putting it back on, and then for his surprise hugging him.

"Smile, get back inside, go to the bar, order a drink and then come back and ask for your car" she said using the proximity to whisper in his ear.

"Why?" He asked and the breaking the contact.

"Just trust me" she said between her teeth and smiling again. He returned the smile and nodded, going back in completely clueless of what was happening, in inside corner of his eye he could see the man with the camera.

He order a glass of wine, but he barely even touch it, the ten minutes he waited felt like eternity and finally he exited the place again. He give the ticket to the valet. The young man went for it immediately and he couldn't help to feel observed. When his car finally arrived and he tried to tip him the guy simply said "it's taken care of, drive safe" He nodded and get in his car not surprised to see Y/N already in the passenger seat.

He drove off and once they were a couple blocks away they looked at each other, and before anyone could talk they started laughing hysterically but it also felt cathartic.

"Care to explain what happened love?" He asked now back to his normal tone "Did you break into my car?"

"Of course not, Philip amm... the valet guy, he works half time as a medical assistant in my hospital. A couple weeks ago he told me that sometimes the waiters of that restaurant call the papers to get scoops on celebrities, and I assumed you didn't want my stupid tantrum in the first page tomorrow"

"Well no, but at least I'm glad you admit it was a tantrum. Can I know what happened?"

"Oh, the guy with the camera come asking me why you were chasing after me, I told him I made a scene in the restaurant because I couldn't find my late grandmother earrings and this handsome" She said exaggerating an innocent voice "who I didn't catch his name, help me found it, then I texted Philip to let me get inside your car, because I supposed he will be waiting for you to come out"

"That's amazing and clever" he said genuinely impressed by her story "But I meant at the restaurant"

"Oh... I had a terrible day, and I leashed out on you" she said turning red. "I am really sorry, you are not an entitled bastard, and everything I said... it was just out of place. I completely respect your acting, and I shouldn't have expressed myself that way" she apologized for all the things she have said without him interrupting her while he drive back to her place.

"Don't worry about it" he said finally smiling at Y/N again with the most candid smile he had given her yet "I'm sure other people have called me worst, just not to my face, and I do appreciate your honesty. Just one thing." He said parking the car at her door. "That's not why I asked out, and I apologize because I didn't make my intentions clear in the beginning. Nevertheless this was a fun experience"

"Said that again" she said without thinking.

"This was really fun I actually enjoyed your company..."

"No, that word 'nevertheless' sounds way more powerful when you say it."

"Nevertheless?" He said getting out of the car.

"Yeah, I actually have a tattoo that says nevertheless she persisted" she started playing with her keys in her doorway, looking pleased by the interest he show on that detail.

"You do go out protesting huh?" He said taking one step closer.

"I do, and I'm really sorry again" she said looking away and finally putting the keys in the lock.

"And again it's nothing really, so now... am I'll guess..."

"I'll see you around" she said, he kissed her on the cheek and she entered her flat, wishing to forget everything about that day.

By the time she was back at the theater next day, she was hoping to leave all behind, but everyone seemed to be obsessed with Tom's random act of kindness to a stranger that thank goodness the camera hadn't focused well.

She chose to hide inside her office the rest of the night until by the time she assumed everyone will be leaving someone knocked on her door, she opened thinking Caroline may be needing something, but she was surprised when she saw Tom standing there.

"Today it's my birthday, and we are going to celebrate, would you like to come by? I can't help to remind how you called Charlie and Zawe mister and miss, and I think they would like you" he said passing his fingers trough his hair distractedly.

"I know, yeah I would love too" She said immediately "But first, please come in, I... um... I actually got you something, it's a birthday present and also a peace offering for the way I acted yesterday" She went to her desk with him following behind her. She took something from the drawer "You are an amazing Robert, and I know you like to research your characters, I mean you probably have read this already but I thought you might like it" she give him a neatly wrapped brown package with a nice blue ribbon on top.

He opened unceremoniously with a child like expressions, touched by her gesture. And he opened his mouth in excitement and disbelief when he saw the book inside.

The Wild Swans at Coole. Other Verses and a Play in Verse. YEATS, W. B.

"Is this a...?"

"A signed original edition, yes." She said happy "I assume you have many of this but I couldn't think of anything else to give you"

"It's perfect actually" he said already carefully opening the book "This is too much, thank you"

"Your welcome" she took her purse and stand up ready to leave. "So where are we going?"

"Right right" He said standing up too. "You are gonna love this guys".

That had been the end of their would be romance and also the beginning of their friendship, but while Y/N tried on one of the multiple dresses Zewe had chosen for her the idea of trying again started to look less and less crazy, her plan was already in motion, she only hoped now that he would feel the same, and even more important than that, she prayed she wouldn't loose him in case he didn't.

#tom hiddleston x you #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston imagine #tom hiddleston #zawe ashton #charlie cox #robert and emma betrayal #betrayal #harold pinter #angst #romance #friendship #bobby hiddleston #tom hiddleston fandom #tom hiddleston fanfiction #tom hiddleston fic #tom hiddleston fluff

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bolbianddolanhouse · 4 years ago

Text

BNHA self insert AU [Book 2]

Beginning of Book 2 Read here to catch up!

Chapter 12: What Was the Reason?! WHAT WAS THE REASON?!

Currently, I’m about one bad interaction away from slapping the shit out of Toei. He’s improving but not in the areas I need him as a team. It’s July and we’re training at the USJ (aka, The Death Dome) again. Not too excited to be in the dome again.

“...and as for you two,” sensei stood in front of us, assigning areas “You’ll be in the rocky area with the non-quirked villain.”

I sighed as Toei got pumped “Oh boy! We’ll win this time!”

“Whatever you say chief” I was just feeling dead inside with all the easy assignments that Toei could barely survive.

“Miss Iida, can I talk to you for a quick moment?” asked sensei to pull me aside. “I know you’re not having the best time, I see it and I’m quite tired of this low ranking too with your ability. But this is the last one before the partner switch, if Toei doesn’t perform well, he’ll have to take the reevaluation exam. So please hang in there!”

That was some hot tea, I was taken back a bit “Will do sensei, I hope he’s better prepared this time.”

“Alright, that’s good to hear!”

I walk over to the rocky area with Toei, trying not to think of the fuck ups he might do. Instead I make sure my ribbon wands and silk obi were in place.

“Hey Iida-san!” Toei snapped me out of my concentration “If we win this one, I’ll take you out to some DDR at the arcade.”

I narrowed my eyes, knowing FULL well he’s gonna fuck it up “If I say yes, will you put in more effort to actually win?”

Our classmates within earshot reacted to that roast.

“That was ice-cold Iida-san!” “Oof she got you there buddy!” “YES BITCH! CALL HIS ASS OUT!” were some of the things they said.

That roast went over his head “I always put in the most effort! I’m confident that we’ll win and move up this time.”

We get to our zone and the enemy gives us no time to think. Immediately we were bombarded with rocks. I had to think fast!

“Okay Toei, if you can-”

“I’M GOING IN!”

“NO!” I screamed as I saw him Naruto run toward the villain on the higher ground “Damn it! Toei are you crazy?!”

“I got this!” He looked back at me, giving me that cocky smile and thumbs up.

I had two options, let him get rekt on his own so he can learn from his stupidity OR I go scoop him up and tell him my strategy. At first I sat and watched him struggle but then the villain brought out a stun gun and I KNEW that I had to go in for the rescue. I ran and jump high enough to get my ribbon lasso for the save. But at the same time, I got in direct line with the stun gun that was meant for Toei and I got a direct hit in my face. I blacked out after that...

-At a nearby hospital-

Lili was snatched out of the air before her body hit the ground by a USJ staff and was rushed to the hospital. Nobody is sure if that direct hit was lethal or not.

“Oh my baby” cried out her mother as she pushed through the nurses to get by Lili’s side “I was so worried that something like this could’ve happen! Why my baby? Why today!?”

“Be strong Ita” soothed Tenya, also trying to hold in his strong emotions “I’m upset too, but lets not cry yet.”

“Too late” whimpered Iwata as tears rolled down his face “is Lili gonna be okay?”

“Daddy, please tell me Lili is gonna wake up?” whimpered Hanaka, pulling at his sleeve.

“Lili, quit playin’! Wake up!” Oro begged as he shook his older sister’s leg “I can’t look at her like this, it’s so hard.”

Tenya didn’t know what to do or say, this environment was overwhelming him and he couldn’t stay strong. “I-...I don’t know” he managed to stammer as tears fall from his face “What can I do?! Nobody told me it was going to hurt like this! I just want my daughter to be okay.”

Her mother put her hand on Lili’s face “It seems like everything is normal, stun guns cause rapid brain activity. And she’s experiencing that.”

“I was just about to say that!” said the doctor “But it seems like you’ve caught on to the main diagnosis.”

“So what did you find?” Asked her mother.

“To make things brief, there’s no brain damage” explained the doctor as he put brain scans up on the light box for everyone to see “nor brain trauma, thankfully. But we are noticing that her brain is taking a while to readjust, so what will happen is that she’ll have mild amnesia” he sat on his padded stool “So don’t be too surprised if she doesn’t remember you right away, it will go away on it’s own but if you re-jog her memories or have trigger objects that’ll bring back her memories, the better.”

“What a relief” Tenya sighed and wiped his tears “She does take a while to recover from anything.”

“As soon as she wakes up, she’ll be discharged” responded the Doctor “She’s still young and strong, so recovery will be fast. I will warn for her to be more careful next time! She’s fortunate that the stun prongs pierced her shoulders and her mask deflected the other prongs that could’ve been much more lethal.” He stands up “I’ll be coming by again in an hour to check up on her.”

“Thank you doctor” responded Ita as the doctor walked away. She turns to the others “You heard him, she’ll be fine. Now we pray to the higher power for her fast recovery.”

“All Might?” blurted Tenya, serious faced.

“What? No! To GOD!” exasperated Ita “What the fuck is the spirit of All Might gonna do?! Detroit Smash from the spirit world to revive her?!”

“All Might’s spirit can suck my ass!” huffed Oro.

“He can suck a caterpillar dick!” Iwata added.

“Can we not slander All Might?!” chopped Tenya “Your sister is trying to re- HANAKA!”

“What? Oh is it a crime that I found the wheelchair?!” Hanaka sneered as she popped a wheelie.

Tenya pinched the bridge of his nose “This family is so chaotic, I can’t sometimes.”

“Remember when you said you wanted as many children as possible?” Ita sighed as she propped up her head with her hand “And how much you cried when they were born? Is it sinking in how much chaos you brought into this world and raised them?”

“I’ve been aware” he rubbed his temples as the two boys joined their little sister in wheelchair tricks “Curly hair and rebellion may be the dominate traits, but I still love them.” he sighed “Because they remind me so much of their mother, whom I love the most.”

“Aww babe” Ita cooed as she levitated the three kids, preventing them from speeding away with the wheelchair “Love you too!”

The family decided that they wanted their privacy and not have visitors. Instead, Tenya put it upon himself to watch over Lili until she wakes up. Ita had important matters to attend to for her company and Iwata was going to be taking care of things at home. Everyone was concerned for Lili’s well-being, sensei didn’t tell the class out of respect of her parent’s wishes. Pretty much only her immediate family and honorary family knew of her condition.

-3 days later-

“Lili, I’m back” softly spoke her father as he sat at the chair at her side “It’s Tuesday, so mom might swing by for a bit if she gets out early enough for visiting hours.”

At this point, Lili still hasn’t woken up nor moved. So Tenya has just been talking to her in hopes that she could hear him and wake up.

“You know, your mom was also hospitalized in 2nd year. And I feel all those worried feelings all over again.” He leaned on the railing of the hospital bed “I’d whisper my feelings to her and give her sweet kisses, like she’d wake up when I did.” He sighed and stroked her hair “Will today be the day you wake up? Everyone is getting awfully worried. But lets see if you like what I brought today.” He pulls out a book from his satchel “It’s one of your mom’s classic literature novels, Little Women. I read a book to your mom when she was like this and she remembered listening to me reading it” he opens the book “So maybe this might work too...ahem, Chapter one, "Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents," grumbled Jo, lying on the rug...”

He didn’t have to read too far into the book before Lili woke up. Eyes watering as the hospital lights were stinging to her eyes, she groaned as she stretched her body.

“Nnnh...thirsty” she hoarsely uttered.

Her dad quickly reached for the ice water on the tray “Here, drink slowly.”

She could barely see the cup and who was giving it to her, but she sat up to drink out of it. “Thank you” she said as she tried to rub her eyes and saw the IV connected to her “Am I, in the hospital?”

“Yes, do you remember anything?”

“I remember practicing in the yard for the summer showcase” she rubbed her eyes with the other hand “and that’s all...wait, did I pass out because of the heat?!”

“No...wait, do you recognize me?” carefully asked Tenya, trying not to scare her.

She looked at him and blinked “Yeah? You are my dad” she giggled “you’re my dad! BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE!”

Tenya breathed out, relieved “Oh you gave me a scare there!” he gets up “sit tight, I’ll get the doctor.”

She waits patiently, a little confused on why she was there in the first place. Her dad ran in before the doctor.

“Please Mr. Iida” panted the doctor “I’m a doctor, not an athlete!”

“Sorry! I was just excited” apologized Tenya “But look, she’s awake.”

The doctor gathered himself “Hello Miss Lili, how are you feeling today?”

“I’m feeling a little sore and woke up with extreme thirst” she explained “But otherwise, I’m okay.”

“That great to hear! Can you tell me your full name, age and your parent’s names?”

“Um sure? My name is Lili Perla Iida, I’m 15 years old and my parents are Tenya and Itati Iida.”

“Interesting, okay” the doctor muttered as he wrote something on his notes “Thank you, now I’m going to explain what’s going on...” The doctor explained that she was in a training accident and her diagnosis “...so while you might not remember everything right now, you will very quickly with the help of your family” he stands up “so, you’re free to go home and go back to school. Just be careful and I suggest a better head gear to prevent more accidents.”

“Thank you, I’ll be more careful” She said as the doctor left. “Dad, what did he mean by better head gear? Dance isn’t a contact sport.”

“I’ll explain more when we get home” he handed her a change of clothes “Here, your sister chose your outfit since you came in with your costume on.”

She change and got wheeled out of the hospital to go home. Lili sat in silence the whole way home, she recognized her dad’s car and the route home. But what’s missing from her memory?

“We’re home” announced Tenya.

“Welcome home Lili” yipped the robo dog “Mom told me you got hurt and I’m happy you’re home safe.”

“Doggie” she bend down to pet the robo “I remember you for sure!”

“LILI!” screamed the three younger siblings as they stampeded toward her.

“Hi” she managed to say before they group hugged her “huh? Since when did you guys...looked like this?”

“What do you mean?” they said in unison.

“I don’t remember Iwa wearing t-shirts this fitting?” she pointed out “And since when did you get boobs Rosa? And the fuck did you do to your hair Oro?!”

“Huh? I’ve been wearing proper wearing shirts since I started middle school” Iwa explained himself “wait, dad, did she forget years of memories?!”

“I’m afraid so” Tenya responded “She doesn’t remember anything from the last 3 years.”

“Oh fuck, so you don’t remember your friend?” Rosa asked her sister.

“Maru?” she asked “what about him?”

The four of them glared at her in shock.

“No, your other friend...from school” Iwa spoke up.

“I- don’t have friends from school?” she furrowed her brow “come to think of it, I don’t think I have any friends from dance academy either.”

Everyone look at each other, not knowing how to break it to her.

“Um, lets go sit at the couch and let me explain” Tenya said as they walked over to the living room “Okay, so things look a little different now because you’re not 15, you’re 17 about to be 18-”

“I’VE BEEN IN A COMA?!” screamed Lili.

“NO! You’ve been in the hospital for 3 days and you just have amnesia” her dad took control of the situation “I’ve been watching over you everyday in the hospital and the doctor explained that you just need to get your memories back. And we’re all here to help.”

“So...I’m in high school?” she asked and everyone nodded “And I have friends?”

“Lots of friends!” Her dad explained “you’ve gained the respect of so many and you have your own little dance circle where you Ki Ki.”

“I do?! Wow I sound like a cool kid” she giggled “Where do I go to school? Is it that private arts school in Shibuya?!”

“No...um you” Her dad put his hand on her hand “don’t scream but you attend UA and you’re in the hero department.”

“Oh...I see” she blinked and stood up “will you excuse me a quick moment?” Before anyone could say, she dashed to her room to look through her things. And she found her admittance letter along with all her rejection letters from the schools she applied to. She sat on her bed and tried to remember anything, but couldn’t, so she cried.

“Lili, it’s okay” Rosa said in the doorway “you wanted to go to UA, trained for it and everything” she slowly made her way next to her sister “you even got in without the recommendation of our parents! You went in to flip the script on what our family is known for and changed your ways to become a hero.”

“I wish I could remember” Lili wiped her tears “You guys say all this but nothing is coming back to me. This sucks!”

“Maybe mommy can help when she comes home from work” the little sister said as she tugged on Lili’s sleeve “come outside and eat oranges with us.”

“I am hungry” she stood up “okay, lets go.”

She spent the rest of the afternoon trying to distract herself from everything until her mom came home. Nothing seemed to spark anything until dinner.

“Lili? Are you alright?” her dad asked worriedly “You haven’t reached for the pizza.”

“I remember something” Lili replied, eyes wide “You upgraded my phone on a pizza night, at around Iwa’s birthday.” She looked her dad “If you say I am in high school, then I must have memories on my phone!”

“That could help, but mom has your phone for safe keeping” he answered as he served her a slice “You know how paranoid she gets when things happen in the family.”

“Guess I’ll have to wait until-”

Comically on time, her mom came home. “I’m home!” her mom panted as she rushed into the dinning room “Lili! Oh sweet daughter of mine” she brought Lili into a tight embrace “You have no idea how worried I was! Did you wake up alright?”

“I just woke up thirsty” Lili responded, face squished in her arms “Mom, not to be rude, but can I have my phone? I was just saying that something might trigger my memories back.”

Lili followed her mother into her home office after dinner. The familiar scent of lavender hit her and it triggered the memories she had in there. Once she got her phone and turned it on, a flood of texts rolled in from classmates and people from her circle.

“If you’d like, you can stay home for summer break” suggested her mother “if going back is going to be overwhelming.”

“No, I want to go the dorms” Lili said with confidence “My journey to who I became started at school, because if I did make up my mind to be a hero and threw away my dream of being a dancer, then all those memories started there.”

“Alright Lili, when do you want to go back?”

“Hmmm, on Friday? Is that okay?”

“It is, I just gotta let the school know.”

And so I went to my room to check if I had any pictures, most of them were just selfies and videos of some crackhead activity outside (from what I assume is my dorm room) window. So much for helping me, gotta take more pictures of my friends! I clean out my inbox and see that this one contact I have saved called “Hoshi 💫🌟”. I scroll through our text history and it’s like I text them a lot! Is this the friend Rosa was trying to talk to me about? Wish I had a picture of them but it seems like our texts were saved all the way back from December, almost 7 months ago! I decided to give it a rest and get ready for bed. I lay in bed but I couldn’t sleep, like something was missing from my sleep routine. Did I add something while I was away from home? Needless to say, I didn’t wake up totally refreshed. The little things triggered my memories as I did my everyday routine and, after 4 days, I remembered up to the day I quit the dance academy to go to UA.

“Mom, do you think everyone will be patient with me?” I asked as mom was driving me to the dorms “What if they trick me or take advantage?”

“You have nothing to worry about! Everyone will help, or at the very least your circle of friends and teachers will” Mom replied, glancing over at Lili’s face “Hey, why don’t we go to a McDonalds before?!”

I get excited “For two cones and a number two combo with Sprite?!”

“Yup, glad to see that your excitement for secret McDonalds is still there” chuckled Mom as she took the left turn into the downtown area “The usual I see.”

“You know that’s been my order since I was old enough to speak!” I wiggled in my seat and looked out the window “McDonalds! McDonalds! Gimme McDonalds!”

Thankfully there was no line at the McDonalds and I enjoyed my two cones before pulling up to the dorms. I grab my bag and my drink before following my mom into the building, nothing was coming back to me yet.

“This way Lili, we have to talk to your teacher” Mom pointed to a door “Hopefully he’s not too wrapped up to talk.”

I watch her knock on the door and the sound of somebody falling off something responded along with hasty footsteps “Yes? Oh! I wasn’t expecting you two so soon!”

“Ha ha very funny mom” I was being sarcastic “How much did you pay Diaper Boy to be in on this prank?”

“Ya know Lili, I might be one of the richest women in the country but not even I’d pay Mr Mineta to be part of anything” my mom sighed and pinched her brows together “He’s your sensei...deadass.”

I nearly choked on my Sprite “No way! No wonder I ended up in the hospital!” I felt offended “You got this purple ball flinging, toddler sized, ketchup-smellin’ teaching the next generation of heroes?!”

“Hey! TO BE FAIR, I wasn’t responsible for your accident” sensei cried out “secondly, words hurt. Both of you have been roasting me for long enough, I am a man and a hero!”

“Yeah okay Diaper Man!” I roasted, which promptly triggered my memory of the first day of school “Oh man, that roast was so powerful that it triggered my memory.”

“Oh thats good! Thats what we came here first for” Mom shifted focus “Minoru, I’m going to need you to help Lili trigger her memories in terms of academics. In turn I propose Lili gets a training break until her memories come back.”

“I will allow it, don’t worry about her getting injured again” he gave his thumbs up “She excused from summer training due to her rescue points, which is this leg of the training.”

“Great! Here’s her updated medical records, please hand them to Eri when you get a chance” Mom hands over a manila folder “I just need to talk to Hoshi real quick and I’ll be on my way.”

“Wait, Mom” I stopped her “where are you going after this?”

“I’m going to do some agent work” she explained “my team has been called upon a lead for a re-opened case. I might be gone for a few days, so Dad will be there for you if you need anything.”

“But, what about me?” I pouted, feeling abandoned.

“I know its a little scary being in an environment you don’t recognize, away from your parents and siblings” She comforted me “Trust me, I know the feeling. But you have one person to rely on at least, and it’s your best friend. Hopefully you remember them after a while.” She pointed to the cat tower “Why don’t you see if Clawford is taking a nap? I’ll be quick!”

I watch her teleport out and I do what she said. She says things like this to make me feel better about her being gone for more than a day, but I still worry. I peek my head in the cat hole and see the chonky cat staring back at me with their bluish eyes. I reach in for a gentle pet and they seem to like me, maybe I spend a lot of time in this area and play with them? I don’t know how long I’ve been petting them but when I turned around, there was a group of at least 10 people just staring at me.

“Um... Howdy!” I greeted awkwardly.

“Oh my goodness! She’s not yelling at us” spoke a girl to another girl in the group “what do we say?”

“Yo Toei-kun is right there, how long until she scraps with him?” whispered the boys.

“ENOUGH! Can’t you see our classmate is back?!” spoke up one of the boys and takes a few steps towards me “Iida-san, welcome back! It’s good to see you recovered and well.”

I blinked and lightly scrunched my face “I’m sorry, but...had we, met before?”

Everyone gasped

“What do you mean? It’s me, Hashima-kun, class representative of Hero class A.”

“Class rep?...Sorry, but I don’t remember” I looked to the others “and I don’t remember any of you.”

Sensei came out of his room to inform everyone of my condition. My mom came back out with somebody before heading out.

“Okay Lili, I’ll be going now” She squeezed me “take care and call Dad for anything! I love you.”

“Okay bye Mommy” I waved “I love you!”

I watch her get in her car and drive off. Everyone’s whispers were getting on my nerves in an unsettling way. It was getting me anxiety and I felt frozen in place.

“Hey, are you okay?”

I turn around to see a tall guy with frosty, blonde hair and icy blue eyes. He was looking at me with gentle concern and that confused me.

“Yeah, um...I was just looking at my mom drive off” I meekly responded “Anyways, uhhhhhh can I ask you a very dumb question?”

Now he looked confused “Sure?”

“Where’s the bathroom? I’ve been it holding in for like 20 minutes now” I whispered, hoping nobody heard me.

“Here I’ll show you” he asked me to follow him. We walked up some stairs and down a hallway “So...memory loss huh?”

“Yep”

“Nothing from the last few years, ey?”

“Nope!”

We arrive at the bathroom “At least you remember me right?”

I run in the bathroom and into a stall before I could answer him. And just when I think I have my privacy, I hear the bathroom door open.

“Lili, you remember me...right?” he asked again.

“Um...I-” I try to not make any bodily sounds “I don’t remember you, sorry.”

“You....don’t remember me?” he responded, voice cracking and trailing off “how can that be?! We’ve done so much together! I’m saved on your phone, we have matching lock screens, you made me this shirt... does anything trigger at least the day we met?”

I flush the toilet and walk out to wash my hands “I wish it did, but it seems like routine has been triggering my memories” I go to dry my hands “and I guess that’s my second question, are you in my daily routine?”

He suddenly gets very coy “Well..um” he rubs his face “I basically never leave your side, we share a dorm room.”

“Oh...” I stare blankly at him as a hard blush rose up to my face “Will you excuse me for just a moment?”

I turn around to walk into a shower stall, closed the door and screamed for a solid 2 minutes. “Okay, I feel better” I cleared my throat as I walked out the shower.

“You know that those showers aren’t sound proof.”

“Kinda wish you didn’t say that” I blushed again “now uh, where’s our room?”

I follow him a little ways down the hall from the bathroom. He opens the door to a cramped space.

“Welcome back, hehe” he nervously said “anything?”

I look around “Not yet, but this is a bit of tight space” I walk in to see which side is mine “Hey, that’s the vanity I wanted!”

“Well, it is yours” he explained “along with that fabric wall, sewing station on the balcony, that’s your dresser and your half of the slide closet” he then points to the bed with pink sheets “And that’s your bed, don’t worry, I didn’t sit or sleep on it. I know how picky you are about that.”

“Oof, I hate that box spring feel” I cringed at the sound the bed made with I sat on it “damn bitch, we live like this.”

The boy starts howling with laughter “You’re killing me Lili! Good one!”

I watch him laugh and it made me...happy?

“Are we...best friends?”

“We are!” He calmed down to answer me “We’re like a two for one special! We do almost everything together and you understand me the most” he smiled “You’re the most important person in my life, and no matter what, I’ll help you remember everything. Because you never gave up on me and it’s about time I return the favor.”

“Really? I’m important to you?” I questioned “then I trust that you’ll help me through this.”

He smiled harder and glanced at my bag “What’s in the bag? I don’t remember you having that rhinestone bag.”

“This is my old dance bag” I zipped it open “I have my McDonalds in here.”

“Oh? Did you order your two cones, a number two with large Sprite?”

I froze in place “Whoa, you memorized my McDonalds order?”

“Yup, when we didn’t feel like going to the dorms yet after school, we’d go to the McDonalds and get it to go.” He explained “My order is the number 6 with a vanilla milkshake to dip my fries in.”

“I see, you’re a man of culture as well” I gave a face of approval “Then will you accept this orange.”

“Sure! WAIT!” He stopped himself from taking the orange from my hand “Oranges? Did you-”

I dumped all the contents of my bag on the bed “Pick a bunch of oranges before I came here because our tree was heavy with fruit?...Yes, I did.”

“Oh Lili!” he chuckled “You haven’t changed a bit, I’m so happy you’re back.”

I watch him peel the orange, trying to see if it triggered anything “Hey, not to sound dumb but” I asked as I was eyeing their shirt “what is your name?”

“Hm? My name is Hoshi Togata” he looked up from his peeling.

“Oh you’re my saved contact on my phone!” I picked up my phone “that makes me relieved that it’s you.”

“Yeah, look” he picked up his phone to show me the lock screen “We match, I’m the Big Bad Wolf from Shrek and you’re Donkey.”

“I was wondering why Donkey was there!” I giggled “This feels weird, I’ve never had a best friend before.”

“What about Maru?”

“Oh shit, lowkey forget he exists sometimes” I admitted “but we don’t do things like this. I’d never share my food with him or watch movies.”

“I’ve never had a friend period! You were my only friend for a while because-” he stopped himself from saying it “um, well...that part isn’t important anymore BUT we found more friends!”

I spent the rest of the day trying to figure out things all over again. And when it came for bed, I couldn’t really sleep again because I felt like something was missing. This sucks!

To be continued

#mha #bnha #self insert au #not canon #book 2 chapter 12 #will update regularly #ask me anything #//Palma-sama Speaks #Yes...I did use the amnesia trope and I don't regret it!#this ending arc mirrors book 1 if it went the right way instead of the fuckery that's the Ita-Tenya-Shinso love triangle #also that reading scene thats a nod to book 1...*chefs kiss* I love that shit!#And just like her dad...Lili is a McDonalds Sprite drinker. The two cones is an inside joke with my friends lmao #Also thank you to all my regular readers! I love your asks from the last chapter about the canon adult characters with their kids.#Next chapter is gonna be up in 3 days...get ready because it marks the last 3 chapters of this book! Be on the lookout.

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adrrianraines · 5 years ago

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hi! i just started playing choices, and i wanted to hear your opinion on what books are worth spending diamonds for and what books aren't. thank you so much :))

hi there love, welcome to the fandom!! enjoy the circus! it gets rowdy but it’s entertaining– 🤡

i just wanna tell u that my opinion may differ from others so you’re free to seek other opinions too if you deemed my answer unsatisfacory ! so lemme list to u what books are worth to waste diamonds on and which ones are not in my opinion. the ones i might have not mentioned are probably in between or in the middle.

so, for diamond spending, if you’re kinda on the economic budget level of can afford to purchase some-many, then these books are the bomb and would definitely be worth your penny.

i. : bloodbound. pretty ironic huh considering i’m a bloodbound idiot myself. lmao. but it’s worth every penny if u haven’t farmed enough diamonds! also yes you can farm in this app. the reward system is pretty generous once u know how to utilize it. tho some LIs wouldn’t have an immediate diamond option while others have one almost immediately, just weigh whether u need to purchase it or not. the diamond scenes for each LI is equally compelling and incredibly worth it. what i do tho for the most efficient way of spending those ingame currencies is that i don’t buy all outfits. u don’t actually need it. some scenes may suggest but honestly? ive tried having the outfits and not having it and it’s not that much of a difference. i keep the diamonds to spend for important scenes such as the tapestries for back stories and some diamond scenarios that might be informative/entertaining. i’ve bought all diamond options for Adrian so sue me

ii. : the royal romance/heir. same thing with bloodbound. sure, the hair options are majestic. the outfits? have u seen other books release stylish outfits? i personally have not. it’s really magnificent. although sometimes pb milks it, if you’re smart & can live with letting down ur LI for not spending a penny on their vanilla smuts and group gatherings then you’re good to go! just spend it on important pieces of scenes/info that are being paywalled by pb for god knows what reason. trust me, you might be baited but not all diamond options are actually worth it. i love trr/trh don’t get me wrong but this bitch is poor so sure as heck not gonna spend my diamonds like a mad banshee on random shenanigans.

iii. : open heart. dear god. the backbone of all those reused faces in like whatever new book that comes out with pb as of late. jesus. btw the diamond options are worth it! i like to spend diamonds for my LI and some options that are needed by the plot. you’ll know which are those once u get to start the book! i just don’t buy anything related to appearances unless it’s necessary to the plot. pb ain’t gonna bait this broke bitch because if my LI truly loves me they’ll accept me even if i wear a garbage bag

iv. : platinum. okay? where should i begin? because u actually need diamonds in this book? hello? i started this book without spending diamonds and where did that take me? a broken guitar, missed opportunities and slow rising fanbase lmao. so please do yourself a favor, save up and check out walkthroughs on how to survive being a star without spending diamonds like crazy. there are actually various options available but u can check it urself so u will be guided. i made terrible choices with my brokeass here and let’s just not talk about that

v. : it lives anthology ( it lives in the woods & it lives beneath ) anyone who knew my ass will know that i’m so much of a cheapskate that i didn’t spend a single diamond on this godtier book and i survived just fine. u can check walkthroughs but i doubt it’ll be much of a help since most of the critical choices are timed and u need to use 200% of ur brain to survive this mess. lmao. okay not 200% but u get my point. ilitw requires to many diamond options to raise nerves of ur crew but u will be fine if u just spend it on important stuff. BUT SURPRISE BITCH LMAO EVERYTHING IS IMPORTANT OTHERWISE U R DEAD OR UR FRIENDS ARE DEAD LMAO. but in ilitw u can save the maximum survivors by just making all the right choices!

don’t even get me started on ilb. it lives beneath? THE BITCH DIES BENEATH. LIKE HOW– THE AUDACITY– i lost a fucking pinky because i was too much of a coward to spend my nonexistent diamonds. like how dare thee! lmao. just... just spend ur diamonds for this for the most critical and crucial circumstances. make the correct choices and then you’re good to live. it also has options on where u don’t need to spend diamonds but still making the correct choices under pressure either by timed or by confusion contributes greatly to this story.

vi. : nightbound. YES. YES PLEASE. nightbound is 100% worth to spend on. have u seen that hair? god i love that ombre color!! also uhhh please buy some weapons for ur own good lmao. and just be wise on where those diamonds are going. i always stick by a rule whenever it comes to spending ingame currencies– don’t buy if it’s not necessary to the plot. just purchase what is important, collect information to unlock scenes at the end and choose ur choices wisely. don’t die.

vii. : the elementalists. now. this book. GDI THIS BOOK. this is freaking diamond book???? whenever u spend ur day with ur LI gosh it will ask for diamonds. ( ily beckett dear but ur gf is a brokeass bitch & i cant always spend time with u picking flowers or hanging out with merpeople /crying obscenely ) there are diamond options here that are more important than the smexy scenes with ur LI. diamond options that will allow u to learn things and get equipments that will be ultra useful for the story and plot. what i love about this book is that it’s so personalized to the point that u might feel u truly r ur mc that’s why u might be compelled to purchase things such as outfits and etc but honestly? i went to the dance with the most lameass garb but still got to enjoy it just the same. but the diamonds you spend to learn new infos and heighten ur power? those are the most worth it tbfh. also some non diamond options are actually good than the diamond ones so enjoy familiarizing the world of brokeass people while playing. that’s just me telling u that since im broke i didnt get to glimpse those diamond options sob

viii. : a courtesan of rome. YOOOOOOO this book is wild lmao! i’m incredibly torn whether to tell u to waste ur diamonds for ur LIs or be frugal and choose wisely. follow ur heart while playing this. i absolutely loved how, even if not wearing the most delightful garbs, ACOR mc still kills it as a courtesan. u know what they say, true beauty shines even in the darkest places or the smarmiest set of clothes. she can wear a guard’s armor and she still be slayin. very pretty. i’m in awe.

ix. : perfect match. more like the perfect way to go broke lmao. honestly a god tier book. spend wisely and watch out for options that will ask u to spend diamonds to contribute to the plot. some options will ask u like honestly the other books so by now you know what to do. stay for the plot. it’s really great. and while u r playing please tell eros they suck. ��

x. : mother of the year. i beg of you to spend ur diamonds on ur child please they deserve the world.

xi. : desire and decorum. honestly speaking i haven’t done that much diamond spending except for my upcoming wedding in book 3 so yes. same applies with what i said, look out and watch for options that will require u to spend but will provide u juicy information as a result. i haven’t bought a single outfit for my mc. i just bought diamond options for my LI and some for some important info and perhaps a bit of information for investigations.

xii. : ride or die: a bad boy romance. GOD. SPEND THOSE DIAMONDS. SPEND THOSE DIAMONDS 🚨🚨 THIS IS NOT A DRILL I TELL YOU. lmao jk but heyyyy god tier book with worth it purchases ! awesome character designs whispers mona eherm i’ll probably replay to try colt’s route since i’ve honestly only been all about mona for this book but yes. worth the diamonds ! in this book i have spoiled myself and honestly every diamond purchase with the mpc is super duper ultra worth it !

xiii. : books like wishful thinking, veil of secrets, endless summer, the crown and the flame are god tier books that are incredibly worth it for ur diamonds. trust me. tcatf actually has a point system where u can gain in game points and can choose whether to use it or use diamonds for certain options. honestly godtier. endless summer has an interesting way in gaining and losing nerve points and relationship points too! veil of secrets needs ur diamonds for investigation and clue finding and wishful thinking has a very unique premise. everything is worth it.

xiv. : i’m adding the freshman series because /zig ortega/ is worth every penny please and also HSS Class Act and HSS. if you’ve played pb’s highschool story which is a separate app then you’ll enjoy these books.

some books like AME and RCD will require u to spend diamonds for options and might demand it for the plot but i got through everything there and really u can play it without doing so.

honey please don’t spend diamonds for home for the holidays and sunkissed. please. i beg of you. unless u spend diamonds for eliana then fine forgiven but ugh. just please no.

the books i haven’t mentioned like RoE is something i honestly wouldn’t mind with or without spending diamonds. the story is just the same. some are paywalled options. leo’s options are actually interesting since it will shed some light for cordonia but i havent seen pb tackle it directly to the main trr series so idk about that.

others can add some info too to help our dearest friend here so if you must, feel free to jump the ship and add 💞✨

#playchoices #asks #anonymous #idek what im talking about thank u for thinking of me while asking but im honestly a broke bitch idek how to tell u what books r worth it #ive been living frugally and being careful of how i spend this bitch is broke

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toby-stephens · 6 years ago

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MAY 2018 : TOBY NEWS

‘LOST IN SPACE’:

By May 16th, it was pretty much confirmed there would be a Season 2 of ‘Lost in Space’, confirmed on 20th by Netflix twitter.

‘SUMMER OF ROCKETS’:

Also confirmed was a new BBC 2 cold war drama, ‘Summer of Rockets’ to star Toby alongside Keeley Hawes, Linus Roache & Timothy Spall.

This six-part series is set in the UK during the Cold War period of the late 1950s, a time when the UK, like much of the world, was dealing with the threat of international espionage and nuclear armageddon.

Filming has begun in and around London and Oxford, and it will be screened sometime in 2019.

The story will be Poliakoffs personal insight into this period and is set against the backdrop of Britain testing its first hydrogen bomb.

Executive Producer Helen Flint, a long-time collaborator with Poliakoff on productions such as Close To The Enemy, Shooting The Past and Perfect Strangers, said:

This piece set in 1958, is hinged at the pivotal point of world history where the past and future are pulling in equal strength and human beings, young and old have little control over the eventual outcome.

IN TOBY’S OWN WORDS:

On “Lost in Space”:

“I think they have been very respectful to the original series, but they smashed it out in their own way. The thing is, one cant’ be overly reverential to these things because otherwise, you’re just remaking exactly what was already made very well.”

“I think John’s just trying to find his place within this family now. The idea is that he was confronted with the situation of his family going away and him never seeing them again unless he went along. Now that he’s come along for this ride, he’s trying to find his way back into the family, how to relate to his family, how to relate to Maureen, and how to work things out.”

“In my case, why I think it is fun and why I think it works is there’s something timeless about the original idea. The Swiss Family Robinson, obviously, is the original idea of a family in jeopardy. It follows the trials of that family, but also the emotional trials of how they overcome their problems and their weaknesses, because they have to confront them and overcome them.”

“That was then taken into ‘Lost in Space’. In the first iteration of that what worked is that you’re looking at a regular family and their problems, but in this extraordinary situation. It’s hundreds of light years away from earth in a space ship and on a planet, but they’re having the same regular, everyday problems of any other family. The irony of that is that dynamic is really fun. What we’ve done is we’ve updated it, so rather than it being this pristine, apple pie, American family, its a modern family with all of its dysfunctions.”

“We know every family has dysfunctions. There is no ideal, pristine family, and the Robinsons are one of those families. Just a normal family that everybody can relate to, but it’s in this extreme situation and you still get the ironies of watching a family deal with each other and their own problems in the way every family does that you can relate to, but in this extraordinary back drop of being on a planet thousands of light years away. I think that that trend still works and its fun.”

“The only reason to do something again is if you feel that you can say something to a new generation of people and you can do it in a totally individual way. You’re just taking the kernel of the original idea and re-doing it, but for now.”

“We can’t replicate what was done in the original show. It just wouldn’t work now. The tone of it is very different although it still retains some of the fun aspects of it, the comic stuff that goes on there, the light touch. I don’t think we could repeat what that show became.”

“I think the original pilot episode is much more akin to what we’re doing. As the series went on, it became if you’ll forgive this phrase campier and campier. It was almost like a sitcom, but in space. I just don’t think that that would work now. So, we’ve made it into something that is lots more for todays generation.”

“I think it’s really great that they did a gender swap. It’s actually a genius stroke because you cannot replicate what was done with that character in the original series. But Parker Posey is such an individual performer. She brings to it her own sense of wackiness and fun.”

"That is a reflection of what the original character was, but it’s very much its own thing, and I think that’s absolutely right. If you cast a man in that part, they would feel this pressure to replicate what was done in the original series, a moustache-twirling villainous kind of thing. I think it just wouldn't hold water now and it would just seem sort of arch.”

“In other words, I think what Parker Posey does is so much her own thing, and as it goes on, you realise that it’s a much more nuanced character in that there are reasons for her being the way she is. I like that you can get the fact that she is horrible and does terrible things, but at the same time, she’s a real and complex character.”

“I don’t have any interest in doing that at all. I love earth. It’s a beautiful planet, and I think, going to Mars, although it looks amazing from aerial photographs taken from orbiting satellites and things like that, and I’ve seen documentaries about it, but I think it’s a desolate, dangerous place, filled with radiation. It would be too dangerous going there, and so arduous.”

“I think that is one of the things that we show. There is a warning to this. The idea that we can trash this planet and then move on to another planet somewhere else, that there’ll be some other Goldilocks planet that we can go to, have it and trash that one, and then just keep on moving on, its crazy. We have to look after the planet were on. I’m all for space exploration, but I wouldn’t want to do it myself because I’ve got kids and a family and the idea would be terrifying to me.”

“The planet is presented to an audience initially as, ‘Oh, it’s so great. It’s got oxygen, so they can breathe. It’s similar to the Earth.’ But then as you get further and further into the drama, you realise there are more and more hostile things about this planet that are dangerous and there are reasons that there are storms with diamonds and deserts. There are astronomic reasons why this planet is like that, which then become apparent. Then they realise that they have to get off it. This isn’t somewhere where they can just set up their colony.”

“It is aspirational to me in that it’s about people trying to be better, in the best way that American shows and films sometimes do. When it doesn’t work, its because its super sentimental and glib.”

“This is about people who find themselves in jeopardy, but also they’re in jeopardy in their personal relationships, in the way that they relate to each other, and it shows how they overcome their own problems and weaknesses. They all do that in a very real way, so I think that’s aspirational.”

“Also, one of the things in watching this, the kids are so bright and so capable, especially the girls. One of the things I would like my daughter to get from this is how strong and capable the girls are, and how intelligent they are. They’ve worked really hard to be that way.”

“It would inspire me, if I was a child, to want to work hard and to want to be like that. Look, I’m not saying that TV should be life changing. It’s entertainment, but if it, along the way, inspires kids, or reflects good qualities, aspirational qualities, without lecturing people or being sentimental, I think that’s good. I think ‘Lost in Space’ does that to a certain extent, in a way that family shows should do, in a gentle kind of encouraging nurturing way, rather than patronising.”

Source: parade.com

“When I discussed it with Zack Estrin he was like, look, this is not an apple pie family. This is a family that is full of great people, but they’re damaged here. The relationship between the mother and father is dysfunctional. They’ve padded it, and it’s in disrepair and that’s part of the drama. Are they gonna be able to figure things out? How do they relate to one another? It’s an estranged father, who’s been away fighting wars and stuff like that, and he has become disconnected from his kids.”

“It’s just not very dramatically interesting to have a family thats always kind of fine. I mean, it’s dramatic enough that they’re in this life-threatening situation, but you add to the drama by saying they don't really know how to relate to one another and there’s this whole family dysfunction that they have to work out as well. And are they gonna work that out?”

“There’s something disingenuous about them being a family that’s perfect. Not only would it be dramatically boring, but it’s also just not true. We know anybody who has a family knows that it’s not perfect and that people make mistakes. But the thing is that these people, like everyone, are just trying to do better. And I think that that is something everyone can relate to, whether you’re a kid or you’re an adult.”

“One of the things that I really love about the show is that it’s aspirational. This family, they are, they’re people who are trying to be better and do good and to survive. And so it’s very, in many ways I think its a very cognitive show. And all these relationships in the end, while they’re complicated they are part of this. And we need that kind of, I think we need the kind of show like that because theres a lot of really depressing shows out there, which are fantastic and amazing, but they’re really depressing. And this is one has a really positive message and a kind of affirming message.”

“To be able to do what they wanted to do with this show, to kind of make it as magical to kids now as it was when it originally came out in 1965 it takes an organisation like Netflix that can throw enough money at it to achieve that. The kind of wonder and the kind of adventure. The scale of the adventure that they’re going for.”

“I think what I really loved about it was the kids are really intelligent. If I was a kid watching this I would go, I want to be as intelligent and as capable as that child. Im gonna work harder in school. Im gonna really try and work hard at math. That’s great as well. So I like that, the fact that the kids, to some extent, end up helping out the adults. Its a nice dynamic.”

“The kids need that adventure and the fun. But then the grown-ups who are watching the show need to care about these people as well and enjoy the show on a different level. So we were kind of like, that part of the show is for the grown-ups. For them to relate to these people and to identify with them. To go, I know what thats like. I know how difficult that can be sometimes."

“I really love working with Molly. We actually had a lot of dialogue early on, both together and with Zack Estrin, about just figuring out exactly what their relationship was. Because when we were talking, we were both like, This marriage has to seem real to people; otherwise people just aren’t gonna care.”

Source: indiewire.com

“One of the relationships I though was really quite clever is not between Will and the robot, but between John and the robot. The fact is the son chooses the company and protection of the robot above his own father.”

Source: thetimes.co.uk

“If it’s going to be a family show, then the families have to recognise themselves through the screen. We had to present normal families, and modern families are all complicated.”

Source: dailynewsegypt.com

“There's this sort of thing of, ‘Oh, why are they together on this thing if they’re separated?’ It’s like, If you don’t take me with you, I’ll never see my family again. So theres that reason for him being there”

Source: io9.gizmodo.com

“They sent me the script and I was dubious, at first. I said, ‘Lost in Space’? They’re reviving that?! They tried to do that with the film, and it didn’t work. And then, I read the script and I actually liked it. The thing I liked most was that they were pitching it at such a great level. It was sophisticated enough for adults to watch and really get something out of it, and yet it had this fantastic adventure quality. What I really liked about it is that the kids are intelligent and its aspirational. If I were a kid watching this, I’d be like, I want to be that bright and that capable. And it doesn’t get ridiculous. They pitched it at the right level. And I felt that Maureen and John were real people. I like the way that they were written and I liked the fact that it was a relationship in trouble. They’re trying to figure out how to get along and how to deal with not only this extreme situation that they’re in, with extreme jeopardy and the terror of that, but also figuring out how to work things out between themselves. Thats what sold me on it. They seemed to be a family that people can relate to because its not some apple pie family that just doesn’t exist. They’re fallible human beings, who are trying to be better.”

“Like most kids, they’re all completely different from one another, and they have different strengths and weakness, just like normal kids in a family. It’s about how you cope with that. All of those different dynamics that happen seemed real to me, they're just in these extraordinary circumstances.”

“It’s brilliant! It’s one of the reasons that I love doing what I do. You can do something so entirely different, not only in its context, but also in its whole feel. I had done ‘Black Sails' for four years and it was a really tough journey for me. I know it sounds slightly pretentious, but I really was wrung out, by the end, by the whole experience. It was an amazing experience, but Ive never worked that hard, in my life. There were long days with extreme conditions, filming in South Africa, and you had to go from massive physical set pieces to doing intense dialogue scenes. You’d go from one extreme, of being beaten up physically, to another extreme, of being beaten up mentally. So, when this came along and I started doing it, it was a relief to me. With ‘Black Sails’, Flints journey and options were narrowing down and it was inevitable, what was going to happen to him. With ‘Lost in Space’, it seems to be opening out. Its about people trying to survive and trying to be better people and fighting to be alive. Flint had a death wish. After four years, that was really dark. It’s just a really nice juxtaposition to ‘Black Sails’, which I miss, enormously, but it felt like I was on holiday with ‘Lost in Space’. Although, like any job, ‘Lost in Space’ had its own pressures, but they weren't the same pressures that I experienced on ‘Black Sails’.

“His relationship with the kids, that was a wonderful journey for me, as an actor. I really enjoyed playing that. As the season progresses, the robot becomes this surrogate father and protector for Will, who’s physically frightened. The irony is that Will has this father who is very brave, and who’s gone off on done all of this fighting in war, and he’s very capable, himself, but he’s nervous and frightened. So, the robot becomes very protective of him, but at the same time, threatens John. His son has to go to a robot to get what he should be giving him, and thats painful for him. The realisation that he's missed out on an enormous amount of his kids childhood and not being there for them, and trying to make up for that and connect with them again, is a very moving thing to play.”

“Initially, John is very distrustful of the robot. It’s a real problem because you need the robot in this extreme situation, since he seems to be able to help you, but at the same time, what is this thing goes berserk? You just don’t know what he's going to do. And as the show goes on, you realise that there are more reasons for him to distrust this thing. The whole thing is a great journey. All of that is really fun to play.”

“The biggest learn for me, that I’ve never had to do before, was doing all of that spaceship acting, sitting in the pilots chair and knowing what all the buttons do. That was such fun. While you’re doing it, you’re going, What am I doing?!, and then you have to remember what you used the buttons for, the next time. Being on a spaceship, throwing yourself around, I had a blast. You have to pinch yourself, once in awhile, and go, What am I doing?!”

“Yeah, the spacesuit was pretty uncomfortable, I have to say. One of the things I most enjoyed about the shoot, because it was so refreshing to me, was working with the kids. One becomes a bit jaded. Its easy to fall into saying, Oh, this spacesuit is so uncomfortable! But when Max Jenkins is jumping around going, This spacesuit is so cool!, it’s so refreshing. It’s so refreshing to be around that enthusiasm. It’s infectious. It was so great having the kids around because it just made you realise how lucky we were to be doing what we were doing.”

“We had a little bit of rehearsal time, but it was just a little bit. Max is such an easy kid to get to know. He’s just so open, and his parents are adorable. We couldn’t have lucked out more with the children that we got because they’re really great kids. They’re really open, really friendly, really open to having a great time, and up for learning. That just makes things so much easier. Im assuming that things can go very differently. We were incredibly lucky. All of us just really got on well and working with them seemed very natural. There didn’t seem to be any process that we had to go through. It just happened very quickly.”

“Molly and I spent a lot of time with Zack Estrin, talking about their relationship. If this isn’t a real relationship and a real family than nobody is going to care. The relationship has to be real without being depressing or sentimental. It has to be something that people can relate to. Especially because this is a family show, grown ups have to watch this, so it has to be sophisticated, as well as incredibly fun for the kids. We need grown ups and parents to be able to relate to Maureen and John and their problems and aspirations. What made it really great fun for me was working with Molly because she’s such a great actress, and we have that back and forth, both on screen and off. Their relationship feels like these are real people. Whats kind of funny is that the romance of the whole thing is really them. They’re the romantic couple. You want them to figure it out because they’re good people. If we’re lucky enough to go again, it will be interesting to see where they take John in Season 2. The other thing that I really enjoyed was working with Max and exploring that relationship, which to me is very real. I spent a lot of time away from my family, filming in South Africa, so I knew what it was like, being away from your family for a long time and feeling slightly out of place when you come back into it and trying to figure things out. I could really relate to that relationship, between John and Will. My son is about the same age as Max, but maybe a bit younger.”

“Interestingly, I would say that he creates the strongest bond with his son. He works out a lot of stuff with Maureen, but the greatest distance he covers is with Will. The last four episodes are really lovely, for me. John is also a slow burn. You don’t really get to know him that well, for awhile. It takes awhile to figure out his agenda, and whats going on between him and Maureen. It takes a long time to figure him out, but once you see what he’s trying to do, the last four or five episodes are really nice. It really is a journey for him. He does things wrong, but it’s because he’s clumsy. He doesn’t quite get it right and he misjudges things a bit. He’s too tough because he’s used to giving orders to people. Hes an army guy, so it’s all about training and execution for him. He has to relearn what empathy is, and how to deal with these kids without being this grumpy soldier.”

“Yeah, my kids did come, a couple of times, and they got on really well with Max, Mina and Taylor. And Mollys son came to set. It was really nice. It felt like a very family-oriented show, and they all hung out together. It was a really nice feeling and very relaxed.”

“Molly and I were quite adamant that the stakes had to be real and the threats had to be real. As an actor, the only thing you have is your instinct and your imagination. Those are the two main tools that you use. I didn’t really enjoy putting myself in that situation, where you are the person and your kids are under threat, but you had to give it that intensity. Of course, if it was real, I probably would have died. I would have had a nervous breakdown within an hour, but these characters can manage it. Obviously, one has to imagine what that would be like.”

Source: collider.com

“I was seven years old when ‘Star Wars’ came out. That just kind of blew my head off. ‘2001’, ‘Blade Runner’. All of these, all of the stuff like that. This is the one genre I completely expected to be in.”

“The character of Captain Flint, who I was playing, was a very nihilistic character that was on this kind of tragic course toward death. So to get something so polar opposite was really fun. It just sort of ended up being the perfect antidote to having done something like ‘Black Sails’.”

Source: indiewire.com

"The thing I admire in John is that he is somebody who knows that he has got it wrong, and he's trying to put it right. Not only for his relationship with his wife, but individually, his relationships with his children. He's trying to not only save their lives, but he's also trying to do the right thing. And I think that's what I really like about this series, is that it's something that is aspirational without being sentimental. It's about people trying to be better people and trying to do the right thing."

"I think that that's something we kind of need right now, because the world is really depressing at the moment, and things are really frightening. You watch TV and a lot of it is really depressing--and brilliant--but pretty much depressing. And I think what's nice is you can get lost in the adventure of this, but also these are people who are trying to be better. And I think there's something uplifting about watching that."

Source: gamespot.com

"Will is quite insecure, his confidence is not great”

Source: digital spy.com

On inequality in Hollywood:

"I think the movements are great. I am a parent of two girls and I have a wife who is very passionate, and I want a change for them, my wife and for all our friends”.

"I can only sympathise with and support the movement. Change needs to happen and it is mad that it has taken so long”

"It is a correction. It is really needed at the moment. Being a parent of two young girls, I am really excited about a show that has two young girls who are represented as incredibly capable, strong, smart, and sassy.”

"It is really great that there is a show which is showing that. I am excited for my kids to watch that and excited for the whole generation of kids to watch those characters and aspire to be like that.”

"There are moments which are light. Also, what is fun is that it is taking the domestic situation essentially and putting it in space. So, there are these situations that occur and every parent or child will recognise... They have either been through that or seen them. But it is this extraordinary situation where they are million of years away from Earth which makes it different.”

Source: business-standard.com

On ‘Summer of Rockets’:

“It’s great to be working with Stephen Poliakoff again after such a long time. I loved working with him on ‘Perfect Strangers’; he’s such a unique and original voice in British television. It’s also good to be filming something back home in the UK for the BBC. It’s been a while.”

Source: deadline.com

OTHERS ON TOBY:

Maxwell: “I’ll never forget going up on top of the glacier. My scenes with Toby where we were walking in the snow, weren’t green-screen we were on a real glacier! We had to take a one-hour and 45-minute ride on a snowmobile to get there.”

“It was cold but sunny, and Toby didn’t think of getting sun protection. The following day, he had sunburn above his eyes and under his nose, and the glass of the space suit charred half his face.”

Source: entertainment.inquirer.net

#Toby Stephens #Lost in Space #Summer of Rockets #Perfect Strangers

23 notes · View notes

midnight-circus · 6 years ago

Text

another fucking meme bitch

literally nobody can stop me

this is the 3rd one of these ive answered for logan i really should give someone else a look-in

w e l p

Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

Morgan’s three years younger than him, so close enough to the same age group. They didn’t get on very well at all growing up – Logan was jealous and Morgan was spoilt, which resulted in friction a little beyond regular sibling rivalry – but their relationship has improved with age. They’re not close and there’s still some definite tension, but it’s generally healthy as long as they don’t start talking about their parents. Or anything too personal.

Morgan’s never done anything wrong, that’s the thing. That’s probably what irritates Logan the most. He has no genuine reason to resent his brother and he knows it’s unfair, but he struggles to find a way to redirect the feeling because he’s already embittered towards their parents so like … where the fuck else can it go? He still struggles with it, and tries extremely hard to temper his feelings towards his younger brother mainly out of guilt. It’s not Morgan’s fault. Nonetheless, it is undeniably disheartening to watch his parents dote upon someone who, at the end of the day, is really not all that different to him in the long run.

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?

Distant. Logan is an eternal disappointment to his mother, who had big dreams for her eldest son – indeed, he was meant to be her only son, before a little mistake came along three years later. From the beginning Morgan was an easier baby than Logan, and Madeleine subsequently funnelled her energy into the happy, bouncy infant rather than the rather aloof, introspective toddler. Logan was quiet, anxious and didn’t smile easily, and the more Madeleine withdrew the more he got the message – in childhood he would rather manage his independence and rely on himself than come to her for support, and as such her attentions on Morgan only intensified until it became uncomfortably clear to everyone that she had a very definite favourite.

In a nutshell, as far as Madeleine is concerned Logan can’t do anything right. There is criticism for everything, and if she can’t think of a snippy comment now then she’ll think of if later and ring him up to tell him. She is emotionally abusive, though she’ll never understand that – after all, she does love him (and in her mind, he hasn’t made that easy), but in all honesty she doesn’t like him very much, and he is more than aware of it.

It’s damaged him pretty badly, and as he grows older he distances himself more and more, reducing his contact with her to phonecalls and the occasional special occasion visit. Christmases are miserable. Madeleine, however, is a cakewalk compared to Edward.

What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

Non-existent. Edward is vile. A bitter, egotistical narcissist who is profoundly aware that his wife has more money than him and cannot let it go. Logan began butting heads with him at a young age and suffered for it (there is no contention over corporal punishment in the English aristocracy), and he honestly feels nothing but distaste and resentment for the man, verging into hatred. The feeling is mutual – Madeleine might be disappointed in her son’s life and sexuality, but Edward is actively disgusted in him, and he has no problem telling him that. Their relationship ultimately exploded in Logan’s late teens, on the night he was outed – after many years of belittlement and abuse, physical and otherwise, he lost his temper entirely and punched his father in the jaw. Edward put him through a glass coffee table for his pains, leaving him with his facial scars, and he left the house that night and never really went back. Probably should’ve gone to A&E, tbh.

Anyway, they don’t speak. Or rather, Logan doesn’t speak to him. On the few occasions they’re forced to be in the same room (Christmases are m i s e r a b l e ), Edward will attempt to goad his eldest into retaliation, but fortunately in those situations Elrick is generally there too and he is MORE than happy to engage on Logan’s behalf.

The very last time they interact is at Madeleine’s funeral, and it ends in an extremely public, extremely loud argument in front of the entire congregation that results in Logan storming out halfway through (‘causing a scene’, is how Edward later puts it to his fellows at the country club). They never speak again, and he does not attend his father’s funeral five years later.

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

Not a great deal. His phone, his wallet, his keys – usual shit. He doesn’t cart stuff around for the sake of it and will remove anything superfluous before he goes out, so there’s nothing crazy in there.

Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

I’m no dream-diviner, but whatever relates to feeling like a complete and total fuckup. That’s a recurring theme.

Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

He’s very claustrophobic and that tends to be a feature of his nightmares. In a modern setting, though, he’s not plagued by the constant nightmares he experiences in his original incarnation – they’re much more sinister in that verse, and they’re brutal. It’s a major factor in why his insomnia is so intense.

Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

Depends on the AU. In a modern setting, which I’m pretty much answering for here, nope – shooting is a popular hobby for his mother and father, but he never participated. In most fantasy AUs, he knows how to use one, but he’s a pretty abysmal shot – he’s really only good with a gun in a few very select circumstances when it’s absolutely necessary. Original Logan is the absolute worst with a gun, hence why he doesn’t fucking carry one because it would definitely make more sense than carting a sword around if people keep on trying to assassinate you all the time.

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?

It’s fluctuated. He grew up rich. Like … aristocratically rich. His family are Old Money. He wasn’t spoilt as a kid (that little honour went to Morgan), but he went to an expensive private school and certainly didn’t know discomfort.

When he left the home, that all stopped. He had no access to funds and his parents certainly weren’t prepared to give him any, so he made his own way. Ultimately, through a great deal of hard grafting and years of work, he clawed his way into Oxford, manhandled himself through law school and now earns a very comfortable living. He rejected any and all of Morgan’s attempts to help him (Morgan, who was given a ~small loan~ by his mother to start a business and has been a millionaire for pretty much all his adult life) and subsequently it took a long-ass time, but he’s proud of it.

Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?

Generally more. He’s certainly not the type to fuckin chill around the house half-naked. Like what’s the point. Get your fuckin ass off that expensive sofa and go and put some trousers on for fucks sake.

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

In a modern situation, the night he was outed. That PALES in comparison to his original incarnation’s Most Terrifying Moments 3 Day Compilation Storytime W/ Hi-Res Visuals & Audio, but still.

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

Nope. He’s fine with blood – his, other people’s, whatever. It’s not an issue.

Does your character remember names or faces easier?

Definitely names. He tends to forget faces because he doesn’t really care much about them lmao but names stick in his mind as ‘data’, almost.

Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?

Not preoccupied, but he does value money and possessions – he sees it as a status-marker. Old habits and all that.

Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

Success for sure.

What was your character’s favourite toy as a child?

Honestly, he didn’t really play much. He tended to occupy himself with puzzles rather than toys, even when young – colours and shapes as an infant, then on to shit like jigsaws and building blocks as he got a little older, things he could occupy himself very independently with. He used to draw a lot as a young kid, but incidentally is absolutely shit at it as an adult so who knows what happened there. He did have a stuffed toy lion that he carted around as a toddler, but Edward put a stop to his kids having comfort items by the time they were 4 so he didn’t have it for very long.

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

Ambition. It’s the Slytherin in him.

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

He’s too independent, which translates to coming across as cold. He can’t bear relying on other people because he knows damn well he can manage on his own, and it takes him a very long time to delegate trust in a relationship. This has caused friction with people in the past, often alongside accusations of being too cold, too indifferent, too distant. In the three years that he and Elrick spent broken up, his self-reliance was pretty much the final straw for the rebound-relationship he was in for those years – in amongst a nest of other issues, the man in question (sorry Jaeger) simply got fed up of trying to break down a wall that clearly was never going to come down on its own.

In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

Oh, only ever self-criticism. Everyone is doing better than he is in one way or another, and he will find that one way.

If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?

Externally he’ll assign blame to others, but he internalises every second of it as his own fault. It’s the inferiority complex. He knows he deserves it, but he doesn’t want everyone else to know that.

What does your character like in other people?

Integrity, which is pretty rich coming from him as he is no stranger to the odd lie here and there. He also appreciates a practical, realistic outlook on life – relentless optimism irritates him to no end. Sometimes things are really shitty, there’s no use painting it fuckin gold and calling it wonderful. He likes someone he can occasionally bitch and moan with (or more than occasionally), who will either contribute their own grievances or simply let him get on with it without trying to force him to feel better.

What does your character dislike in other people?

Literally we’ll be here forever. He has no patience for what he considers to be ‘stupidity’. A lack of punctuality. Bad spelling. Bad grammar. A lack of self-care. An obnoxious laugh. Anything that reminds him too much of his mother. More than two middle names. Weak handshakes. I could keep going. Best not to.

How quick is your character to trust someone else?

Months, if not years. Really only Elrick and Kat enjoy his full and total confidence. He wants to trust Morgan, but to be entirely honest he can’t shed the fear that Morgan’s going to go parroting it all back to Madeleine the first chance he gets, which is probably a very unfair assumption to make. He knows this. It doesn’t change it, though.

How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person?

He’ll suspect anyone of anything, given the right motivation. He doesn’t trust easily at all. More than once in the early years of the relationship he suspected Elrick of sleeping with his ex, for no other reason than the fact that he had an ex – he kept that particular concern entirely to himself, but it took a long time to shed.

How does your character behave around children?

Responsible. By the time he knew of Bastian’s existence the boy was already about seven, but he’s been babysitting Rowan since birth so he’s pretty comfortable by now.

How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?

It’s an absolute last resort.

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

Externally defensive, but internally he absorbs it.

Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

No point repeating something if it’s clearly not working. A second try might not be a bad idea, just in case a mistake was made in the first opportunity, but any more than two repeats is just setting yourself up for failure.

How does your character behave around people they dislike?

Oh bitch if he doesn’t like you, you will Know About It. He really doesn’t see the point in pretending to like somebody he doesn’t – it’s a waste of time and energy, and why bother giving that person false hope? Better to nip it in the bud.

Is your character more concerned with defending their honour, or protecting their status?

His honour’s all shot to the four fuckin winds anyway, but he will protect his status fiercely.

Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)?

His mother’s ancient African Grey parrot used to bite him on the regular, and as such he hates parrots.

How does your character treat people in service jobs?

It could be better. It could be worse, but it could be much better. He’s still kind of a classist snob at times.

Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

Nope. He’s never really had a paternal figure at all. Or at least not a positive one.

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

Not really – his only two dependents would be Bastian and Rowan, both of whom are blood relations.

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

It’s easy to say it when he doesn’t mean it (which he has done, in the past). It’s much harder to say when he does.

What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

He has no idea whatsoever. He was raised Catholic, but has considered himself an atheist since his mid-teens – however, it’s extremely hard to shed the guilt and fear of damnation when it’s all you’ve heard for a huge chunk of your childhood. He likes to think that life just stops and then that’s it, you’re done, but he can’t quite get rid of the little chirp of paranoia that says he’s going to Hell.

#logan1 #you can really see the point at which i just fuckin. gave up lol

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jamiebluewind · 6 years ago

Text

Thank You

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for being kind. I know some of you must be... annoyed that I haven't been sharing anything lately (I have too if I'm being honest), but nobody has thrown any hate at me for it and for that, I'm grateful.

I've been resting up since I got out of the hospital, a fact that has been driving me crazy if I'm being honest. Only so many hours in a day and I'm spending so many of um in the bed (doesn't help that dad fussed at me for it)! Then I tell myself that if one of you were in the same position, I'd be fussing your ear off for thinking such a thing and trying to get you to rest, so I'm trying to give myself the same courtesy.

I'm... hesitant to share what went wrong, not for embarrassment but because I don't want yall to worry. Then I realized that this post has probably already make you think far worse, so here goes...

WARNING: Blood mention, illness, body function mention, pain, menstruation, confusion, dehydration, (please tell me if I missed any!)

I got an IUD put in. I didn't want it, but my periods are bad and my insurance wouldn't cover just removing the parts before trying this first. It caused a lot of pain due to having nothing for pain, the person putting it in not knowing what they were doing, and them using silver nitrate without rinsing it off which gave me chemical burns on my cervix. I stayed in pain and they responded saying to take a tylenol and I'd eventually be fine. During this time, I bled constantly. Not a lot, but some. I also had my normal periods to deal with. I found out it was even effecting my mood and making me tired (hormones, constant cramping, or both, you be the judge). Two months in, I wanted it out. They said I just needed to tough it out and I would be fine by 6 months. I'm pretty sure my face did a thing that symotaniously screamed confusion and "fuck you", but I did as I was told.

In the meantime (during December and even now), my heater thermostat started doing something weird. I set the temp, but it would let it get down to like 55° F (12.7° C) at night when it was set on like 68 (20° C). During the day, it would get about 10° F warmer than what it was set (so like 78° F or 26° C). It was kicking on, but not regulating it how it was supposed to. I told my landlady, but they take for-freaking-ever! So out comes an electric blanket to keep me warm at night. I basically lived under the thing after the sun set! I just kept it on one or two so I wouldn't get too warm. I was also feeling crapy (*gestures to previous paragraph*), which meant more bed time than normal.

A few days before Christmas, I got a shot that was supposed to last a month and help block a nerve that causes migraines. I have debilitating hemiplegic migraines and the risk was very low, so I decided to give it a shot. The medication is very new and due to my rare form of migraine reacting atypically to medications, you would think I would know by now not to try medications that haven't been out long.

The fourth and final domino in all this was all the running due to the holiday season. I'm disabled and I have a weak immune system, but I kept pushing myself. I walked so much price shopping for things for everyone that would both mean something and not break budget (even when me left leg wanted to nope out) because Dad gave me a bit of money last minute to help me buy gifts and I only had a week. I wrapped gifts for dad and myself. I cleaned and did some baking. Then there was the driving and the great but exhausting time with family and playing catch with my youngest nephew until my arm was nearly falling off. When I eventually got back home, my whole body had this bone deep ache. Not like overworking muscles after not using them for a long time, but like I had the flu. This is on top of the cramping.

*Note: Some of the information past this point is things the medical staff told me happened, things my dad said happened, and texts*

I would get better and worse. Always worse when I first woke up (remember the blanket?). I went to dad's for a traditional southern New Year's meal. He said I was spacey, lethargic, and far more quiet than normal. My eyes had trouble focusing and I had trouble concentrating. I looked tired so, he made me sleep before driving home. I woke up about 3 am, drank a glass of water, drove home, wrote a post about it (which took entirely too long for me to write), and went to bed.

The next morning, I woke up and just... laid there. I was having trouble figuring out where my body was. It just felt numbed somehow. I called my neurologist thinking it was a side effect the the drug. I'm not sure what I said, but they made me go to the ER.

I'm not sure how I drove there to be honest. I do remember somebody honking. I'm glad it was close, but still. It's a wonder I didn't get in a wreck!

I don't remember much. A yellow floor sign. A woman writing with a marker. Another woman with brown drawn on eyebrows. A machine that had a small piece of that brown first aid tape stuck to it. A name that made me think of the green emoji face (which my normal brain has yet to figure out). I had trouble talking and thinking. I remember repeating "stay still" over and over the (I think it was) several times I was instructed to, because if I didn't, I'd forget. I'm pretty sure I left my room several times. I know I went to my car once. I remember eating food, but I only recall a pineapple cup because I realized partway that I had a spoon that I could use. I kept forgetting to tell them I was hurting when they asked. I had a headache and sick stomach. I also felt so cold and my feet were like ice, but I was running a low grade fever after all.

I started feeling a little better, but the doctor still admitted me. I had a white count, but they couldn't figure out from where. I messaged a few people to let them know what was going on finding typing easier than talking. I used that to my advantage and typed out my allergies to show a nurse.

They struggled getting the IV in, even on my hand. When it finally was in I was hooked up to fluids to keep it open. More blood taken to try and figure out what was wrong. I gave them what urine sample I could which was tinted (I couldn't help it). They had already done some type of brain scan (but I didn't remember it). I kept having minor dizzy spells, but I attributed it too all the blood they took.

They kept giving me stuff, but nothing helped my headache. It wasn't a migraine, but still very nasty. I was grateful when something finally seemed to help.

My nurse came back with lots of juice to go with my super so I'd have something to drink and a container of ice water. She was new to the hospital and hung around at times just checking on me and talking. Just a nice person. It was otherwise a lot of sleeping.

The longer I stayed, the easier it was to communicate, but the tests couldn't figure out why. They ruled out seizures and a stroke. A mini stroke was highly unlikely and didn't fit. They couldn't find an infection anywhere. My white count went back to normal. They couldn't figure it out.

That was until my nurse from the previous day came back. We just talked about general things until I made a joke about the urine sample from the day before. She asked if it was clean catch and I said yes, but just barely. That ended up causing questions and her checking charts. Turns out that despite being there since the morning before, I had peed twice (with the last time hours before). She pressed on my bladder which wasn't distended. 3 bags of fluid, 3 meals (2 of which I know I ate all of), plus whatever I drank. I had been dehydrated to the point that it had caused my white count to go up and was the reason behind my confusion, lethargy, dizziness, headache, nausea, and low urine output. I was pretty surprised. I was released before lunch.

Pushing past my limits, minor medication side effects (including one long term med), staying under an electric blanket too much to stay warm (combined with exhaustion which meant longer in bed and less time awake to drink water), and pain and constant bleeding due to my IUD... all those things combined causing it to happen. I'm still... oof. Still tired. Still weak. Still recovering. Sleeping so much that the days fly by. Drinking lots of water. And otherwise doing just fine (save for my sleep schedule going to shit again). I still love my electric blanket; it's just been temporary retired until I can get myself rehydrated again. That means my other blankets are out of the vacuum bags and piled up to keep me warm ^_^

Speaking of warm, I have my very own love bug/velcro/snuggle buddy Danny who has been on me like white on rice since I got home. He's a good boy

#bluewind talks #story time #dehydration #cat danny #danny is a good boy #tw blood mention #tw menstration #tw illness

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aharris00britney · 7 years ago

Photo

ASKS 08

rip it’s a lot of stuff, some good, some weird….

Anonymous said: do you like eating ass? I bet your booty is thicc and juicy :)

idk who would even send this but ummm I’m a bottom so yeah.. that answers that wedhfnsh have u nice day/night <3

@thesimpley2k said: your cc is so beautiful! and you’re a britney stan :) ily sis

thank youuuuu omg ily2 lmao I don’t voice my Britney stanness much but once B10 starts getting more hyped up I’ll be back up there! Thank you again and rip original make me MV

Anonymous said: Oof I need all of your wip hairs right now

oof you haven’t even seen half of them sweetie ;) I have 10 wip hairs as of now so like… you’ve seen 4 on this blog through edits/playlists. the rest are on my patreon and some go on my wips section in my discord (omg shameless plug im sorry but its true)

Anonymous said: Can we gift you packs through origin?

if u want?? idrk how that works tbh ;-; if u did tho like rsdfgfbvc thank you!!! I prob will only buy packs that I can use for cc from now on tbh ;-; my computer is at that point where i need to be really picky about stuff, plus imo they arent worth it wedfgdbfn i regret buying most of the SP’s

Anonymous said: Are you posting a shorter version of the Zoey Hair as shown in your latest post because it looks amazing?!!!!!

thank you!!! That is basically what the idea of it is lmao, but I think im gonna make an accessory hair clip for it too. Not 100% sure yet tho

@agentwashsims said: Crying over the wip hair and the grimes reference! Okay you’re still perfect and ily that it all okay bye.

aaah thank you! grimes is so good omg Art Angels is my favorite album but there are a lot of ongs on Visions I like as well. I like a little bit of Halfaxa toooooo

Anonymous said: Hi, would it be possible for you to just reupload the lydia hair post? As it’s marked as sensitive content, I can’t see the picture and I’d really like to be able to have a look at it before I download it.

Hi! I emailed tumblr support about it since it has been over a month since it has been up for review. Hopefully they get it worked out soon <3 there is a picture of it on my download page if you want to look at it there

Anonymous said: Hey, how do I do Patreon? I want to but i’m new to all those things of Patreon cause now I want lots of hairs that need it, and I wanna learn how can I Patreon you!

Hello! Hopefully you see this haha. Patreon is sort of like Netlfix in it is a monthly charge for goods. To get 3 cc hairs early each month, it is a $1 pledge. Higher pledges get better rewards(such as watching me work on cc, getting to vote on hair releases, and more). I think that Patreon is a great way to help support creators as long as they do it right (no exclusive CC). I really hope this helps you and thank you so much if you decide to pledge any ammount <3

Anonymous said: When are going to upload your maxis match hairlines? Like in a post

oml I am horrible lmao I deleted them and don’t seem to have them backed up, but I will maybe make more in the future?? I honestly don’t find them that usable on most hairs but everybody is different so we will see <3

Anonymous said: Is the black braided hair on your April Playlist a WIP? If not WCIF it cuz it’s gorgeous <333 Ily.

issa wip for Juneee

Anonymous said: how old are you?

18 d2f m4m

Anonymous said: What is your Origin ID?

spotharris

Anonymous said: Hey! I 🖤 ur content btw and I wanted to just like clarify something. Ur posts say u can recollect but don’t include the mesh. What does that mean exactly??? Do people still need the mesh for the recollections to show up in game?? Sorry if this is really dumb, I’m a new simblr. Thx!

hey!! sorry for the super late reply omg, welcome to simblr!! it is kinda crazy here but hopefully u can find ur peeps and make a nice home :) anywaysssss i think u mean recoloring, which is like when people add different colors other than the 18 EA base colors. I don’t allow people to use the meshes mainly bc I know that sometimes I have to go back and update things and this way the recolors don’t have a broken mesh and require that person to redo their package.

Anonymous said: whose ur fave member of lOoNa

my rankings as of right now: Kim Lip, Go Won, Olivia Hye, JinSoul, HyunJin, Chuu, HeeJin, Choerry, HeeJin, HaSeul, ViVi, and then YeoJin

also omfg if u have jinsoul/kim lip/choerry limited edition mix&match photocard and would like to gift me it then umm PLEASE they are impossible to find and i need for my collection ;-;

@disneynsims said: I am also a massive Britney Spears fan, and I have to say I appreciate you naming your hairs after her songs. I do make one small request, that a hair eventually be named after one of her best bonus tracks, “Up n’ Down”.

omg Up N’ Down is one of my least favorites on femme fatale grfbg but thank you!! I don’t really name hairs after her songs anymore :(

@issharky said: you’ve improved so much over the time! ive been following (on tsr and tumblr since i joined) since like 2016! ♥ still love your blog!

ygvhbjn i didnt have a tsr but go awf lmao thank you!!! i was a mess in 2016 and a lil of 2017 <3

Anonymous said: Ur such a babe austin

thx for sending this @dogsill ur a babe too 😘

Anonymous said: Discord? Patreon? And this are how a good simblr die

oof discord is literally like a groupchat thing but go off also patreon makes it so i release 3 hairs a month when before it was like 1 or 2 so ummm

Anonymous said: I have recently downloaded blender to make cc hairs, but I can’t zoom in, rotate, or do anything basically. Do you know of any tutorials that explain how to use it well/ in detail? (I have a windows laptop). Anyway, I recently discovered your hairs and I am in love!! Thank you for making so many beautiful pieces of cc!

urgg i really wish i could make video tutorials and stuff for blender and hairs :( I have tried about 3 or 4 times to record/stream and it is so laggy and just pure shit on stream and twitch. I kind of just learned stuff as i went in blender but a must have is a mouse of some kind, otherwise it is 10x harder

@alexschmidt629 said: Hey! I hope you’re doing a bit better than the last time you made your last post! I’m sorry to hear about all of that, being a senior is so difficult and college stuff is even more difficult. I hope you’re doing better!

thank you! I’m doing a bit better now :)

Anonymous said: holy shit it sounds like everything that literally could’ve gone wrong did. wishing u love and luck bb. and also i think its absolutely FINE that u put ur stuff up on patreon early, it’s still free in the end!! its just a choice to actually compensate cc creators for all that they do for us. god that person was just so rude and im kinda surprised at how kindly you took it. props to u xx

yeah dsgf everything kinda went shitty the past few months but hopefully it all turns itself around :) and I try not to pick at any rude anons/asks in general bc I feel like by doing that it just causes more attention on the issue and more people/trolls want to jump on the band wagon. Thank you!!

Anonymous said: Oh honey, you need prayers and I wish you the best of luck with fasts, college, moving, and the rest of your life. Stay strong hon you got this!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

thank you <3

Anonymous said: hi is there a version off the Ella hair that has a bun in the back or am I crazy? probs crazy honestly, but thx for answering

I think you are thinking of my Maja hair? It has a different bottom but it has those same bangs! It is here

#asks #oml it was at 247 so im sorry if yours isnt in this

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theworthofhollin · 8 years ago

Text

SHITTY MOVIE REC OF THE WEEK:

Nick Powell's OUTCAST (2014) starring Hayden Christensen, Yifei Liu, and Nicholas Cage.

(i know. i know. bear with me here.)

Dudes. First things first: this is Hayden Christensen's perfect come-back film. like sure this is not a Great Film but I honestly forgot how good Christensen was as a physical actor??? and DAMN. with the physicality of this role...he is so good. (and what’s so great about this is watching it immediately following the clone wars tv show is PERFECT because its the same form of Anakin we see there: a killer, but war-torn, hungry, dynamic.)

No, really. This is, I shit you not, the ultimate Anakin Skywalker AU Redemption Arc. But with more mohawks and stunning fight choreography and crazy good scenery and also did i mention mohawks. hayden christensen has a mohawk. anyways. if that alone doesnt make any sw fan want to watch this movie [on US Netflix too!!!] then 1. have fun living ur boring ass life??? 2. look at this photo, is that not rots skywalker to a t and 3. keep reading.

SO. Set in what we can assume is the late 1200s, early 1300s?? Hayden Christensen plays a Jedi Knight, sorry, TEMPLAR KNIGHT, named Anakin-- I MEAN JAKOB, who is fighting alongside his Master, Obi Wan Kenobi-- no, sorry, his MENTOR, NIC CAGE, in the Clone Wars, sorry, i mean THE CRUSADES. classic mix up.

SIDENOTE: If the guy who wrote this movie doesnt also have a secret ao3 account dedicated to his star wars prequel au fanfic collection that he’s been cultivating since high school then ill eat my fucking shoe.

(also idk what Cage’s character’s actual name is considering I, like everyone else in the world, can only refer to him as Nic Cage in any role ever. But back to the point.)

[spoilers ahead]

Alright. so.

Somewhere In The Middle East, Nic-Wan Kenobi witnesses his protégé's bloodlust in a battle that results in the deaths of a temple full of innocent women and children, (THE YOUNGLINGS... ANAKIN....) and naturally he goes awol, while Jakob/Anakin spirals down a guilt-driven descent into opium, believing himself to be Damned, Capital D, for his actions.

SIDE NOTE: Hayden looks especially good in this movie, but particularly when he’s PISSED OFF and EXTRA SAD. i dont want to use to the term smad but damn. smad is...a good look here.

i digress.

(serious spoilers below:)

Here's where we enter fix-it fic mode: 3 years after the Crusades have ended, (and in true Kenobi style, Nic Cage has disappeared into the vast eastern wilderness with only his patchy grief-beard and an extra robe he’ll probably lose) a Chinese King is dying, and wishes to make his heir his gentle-hearted 13-year-old son. His elder son, a brutal war-monger, says FUCK U DAD, kills him and takes the throne, but not before their sister LIAN, played by the lovely YIFEI LIU, escapes with both her younger brother and the seal to the kingdom under the cover of night.

(this is basically TPM with shittier gender roles, but otherwise a pretty obvious parallel to the sw Naboo Invasion) And its EXTRA interesting to me because in the sw universe, Naboo court regalia is canonically based off of ancient chinese imperial robes, with aspects of certain japanese and mongolian formalwear as well. AND most of the jedi philosophies are bastardized variations of asian iconography and medieval knights errant, so its fun to see that played out on screen and it lets me draw parallels wherever i want which is always a major plus.

(SIDENOTE: during the escape, her little bro is all decked out in black clothes with dark accersories for night camouflage etc etc while Lian shows up looking hella fine in hand embroidered white silk like. bitch??? u thought i’d downplay my aesthetic for my own HEALTH and SAFETY?anyways what a gift and if im being honest that moment alone made me go, shit, fuck, padme. love of my life.)

(she’s been running hard road for 2 days and just LOOK at her, jesus.)

but back to the plot.

While on the run from the SITH, I mean, the evil brother’s Black Guard, they happen to stumble into a cantina in the lower mountains, where they meet a drugged up, super smad Jakob pulling an Solo in the back of the bar.

( HELP ME... JAKOB.... WHOEVER THE FUCK U ARE--)

The Black Guard then tries to take his LIGHTSABER, I mean, his special, holy, papal blessed broadsword, which ends up being a really bad move. (It's interesting how they play the scene as well: from under the brim of his hat, they make sure his eyes glow bright angry yellow in the reflection of the candles around the table. like. they switch angles and everything just so you’ll notice. It's all very Vader-esque.

[MUFFLED ‘VADER’S THEME’ PLAYING IN THE DISTANCE]

Also immediately after this he pulls a Complete Anakin and flips a fucking table so people will pay attention to him, i love this boy, oh my god, he then proceeds to murder everybody in the bar, which is just. wildly satisfying.)

SIDENOTE: its important to acknowledge the fact that first time director Nick Powell is also a well known fight choreographer and has been a hardcore stuntman for most of his career, so the real highlights in this movie are the GLORIOUS action scenes. Honestly, the sword fights in this movie are some of the best ive ever seen onscreen. and Hayden is absolutely magnetic. 10/10 would recommend just for that alone.

ANOTHER SIDENOTE: Lian also knifes a dude in the neck here w/ her jeweled hairpin. So thats #neat

coincidentally, this also happens to be the moment where both Jakob and I fell in love. also #neat

(AND. this star wars concept art from ROTS and these shots of lian and jakob. discuss:)

(im the guy silently sweating in the back)

ANYWAY.

After witnessing Vader, I mean, Jakob, utterly destroy a full contingent of bad guys, Padme, I mean, LIAN, asks him to help get them to Xing Yuan, a city several days ride away that holds their father's army generals, who will support them and help them take back the throne. Jakob agrees, and then there's lots of exciting action sequences and Anakin and Padme falling in love (SIDENOTE: TRUE TO FORM, ANAKIN IS TERRIBLE @ FLIRTING IN LITERALLY ANY UNIVERSE. GOD BLESS.)

BUT beyond that human disaster, this movie is so underrated. paralleling the sw plotline, the boy king gets his own little padawan training lessons, we get some crazy acrobatic swordfights here and there, they run into obi wan where he’s been hiding in the woods for a decade (#consistency) and its all very dramatic and on ridiculously shaky historical ground but who cares guys thats not why ur watching it in the first place.

We all know why ur watching it in the first place.

the plot. you’re watching it for the plot.

#hayden christensen #outcast #outcast 2014 #nicolas cage #star wars #film reviews #anyways watch this movie #i forgot how much i love reviewing shit films #(disclaimer: nic cage is so weird in this movie and as per usual his accent is the most uncomfortable thing ive ever heard but Whats New?)#also:#im lian in that last pic. we are all lian in that last pic.#long post #mine

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gilmoregirlsbigbrother · 5 years ago

Text

EPISODE #1

As the cast get settled into the Dragonfly Inn, tensions arise between a few guests. Personalities don’t always mesh and alliances are formed quickly in the first few days of the game. Let’s check in on the houseguests as we begin our journey on Gilmore Girlssssss Bigggggg Brother!

Andrew

Lov it is lit rally 6 hours ahead of est in italy and like my dummy dum dum ass was like oooooo lets play this fuckin game that starts in the middle of my italy trip?? so i love that for my brain. i saw the post, saw clash and dan got the twist thingy, talked to some people for a little bit, and then went the fuck to bed

Isaac

This cast fucking blows.

Randy

5 of the cast are women, 16 are bitches ding ding is it bad that i dont see myself not making it late game like i thought i had an uphill battle but these bitches accepted me so easily so this is gonna be easy

Chelsea

Hi everyone! I'm gonna try to stay on top of my shit but no promises. There are a lot of people that I don't know at all in this game, but so far Randy, Clash, Nick, and Dani have been the people to message me. Dani and I played Guyana together and did well, so it's nice to have her as someone to talk to this early on.

I don't really see any obstacles yet, it's all a matter of how i bring my game to the table and who i learn does it better. This is my second BB game so I have a little bit of learning to do since the gameplay is a bit different than Survivor.

I love the idea of going to Friday night dinner. Not only do i love dinner and Friday nights, but i think it's completely fair and chill. Your decisions may or may not help you and that's what I like. I enjoy seeing how advantages work for different people and how people make weaker ones work in their favor.

I joined this game last minute when I wasn't planning on playing for a while, so I'm still trying to get mentally prepared for the conversations and challenges ahead. I hope that doesn't put a target on my back.

Nick

https://youtu.be/KKrQn3xNd1A

( a little while later)

Still no reply from Karen but according to Randy, Karen has a premade that she plans on sticking with all game. Randy also told me he wants me to win hoh but I don’t know if I really want it.

(a little while after that)

Karen messaged me which is a yay! I’m hoping he was just busy and didn’t see my message but who knows... can’t wait to play this first hoh and get last in it probably!

Andrew

at this point with the people left who can still win hoh.....i think theres a chance that dani or madison could put me up just bc idk them and im having very boring, fake conversation with them lmao. i love being a meninist! anyway-- i think id be fine with everyone else? i hope. so likeee fuck this hoh ig. i dont need it. if i somehow get it, ill just put up the people that ive talked to the least? also im lowkey worried JG would put me up just bc we arent talking a lot. i should talk to him more huh.. anyway i would hope im good w everyone else. nick - who i was worried about - even told me im good with him if he wins hoh and i told him same. so wow oh wow ive made my first deal of the game

Head of Household commences and Clash is the Head of Household after a water balloon fight. Alliances begin to form as a obvious friendship of Karen, Isaac, Ricky and Andrew is spotted by another emerging friendship of Nick, Madison and Randy. But, is everything as it seems?

Liana

Hi first confessional here. I've been struggling with playing 2 games at the same time it's hard to keep up. Now i get some quiet time to catch up this lovely morning. This cast is fun and varied. I was excited to see some people I've played with in the past (Drew, Karen, Isaac, Andrew, Dan, and Ricky) and meet some new people. I'm finding it hard to message people because I hate the awkward small talk in the beginning but I don't want to get targeted. While I know those people from the past, they're also obstacles because I know, according to timestamps, Karen and Isaac targeted me in the HOH and they're probs definitely working together. I'm hoping I can stay under the radar for now and let large groups go after each other until I get a chance to build more relationships.

Madison

Let's review

In the past 24 hours I have: -implied f2 with Dan -implied f2 with Nick -f2 with Clash -Alliance with Nick and Randy -implied alliance with Bobby and Nick -alliance with Randy Adrian JG Clash

Nick

Clash winning HOH is acceptable! I think he trusts and likes me and he wanted me to win hoh when I was still in which shows something. On top of that we both had the same sorta idea to put Isaac and Karen up which I’m just here like “bye bye bitches” and these inactive players will hopefully learn how to speak some English.

Dan

Clash winning hoh is like a damn Hawaiian vacation for me. I don’t have to worry about being nominated, I still don’t have to talk to these crackheads, and I can maybe get noms how I want them. I love being pretty

Ricky

My first night in the Dragonfly Inn was riddled with terrible associative experiences in my real life, .org life, and romantic life. So....not great.

Adrian

im here and im ready to dominate

Drew

Right now i don't have a game, Andrew and I keep talking about maybe deciding to start playing but then everyone else who's like old school PI type people that we could tap (Ricky, Isaac, Karen) keep sucking massive ass

so the plan is to be just barely known enough to survive and then we'll reassess in like three rounds when i start wanting to win challenges

aka when the cast gets normal sized

Andrew

i mean im gonna work with isaac and ricky for sure i think bc we're a power trio and can fuck shit up when we put each of our single brain cells together. i like also wanna work with karen and/or drew and/or sammy bc they all me friends. i usually dont trust karen or drew for too long in games but like this is bb and not survivor and i play these 2 games v differently so we'll see what happens. madison and nick were really giving me nothing to work with night one even tho i wanted to have more indpeth convo with them. dan and jg i wanna try working with. clash..... we're gonna manipulate xoxo

clash has been involved with a lot of drama in this community and to be real i still dunno how i feel about him cuz like,,,,,ive only hosted him? and hes kinda immature but like also ig i can work close with him in an actual game and get better bearings on who he is.. maybe he can be a good ally? maybe i can just manipulate the fuck out of him and get him to say he loves me after knowing me for 6 days?

(a little while later)

me to dani: yeah it’s hard being in everyone’s pms haha Also me: rapid fire texting every single houseguest all the way from the homeland

(a little while later)

I'm tryna talk to everyone just so I'm not nominated because for whatever reason I have a bad track record of getting nommed week one? I only wanna win veto comps if I'm actually on the block. HOH rn is dumb and I'm just gonna do the bare minimum to keep myself from being nominated lol

(a little LATER after that)

okay so im gonna make a list from 1 being who i wanna mcshoot to 11 being no pls i dont wanna pull the trigger piglet

1. Madison ew smelly 2. Dani kinda smelly dont trust it 3. JG i like dunno where i stand w him 4. Clash i think he trusts me but that would be crackhead hour 5. Randy same with Clash but less hormonal(?) 6. Liana dont think she'd put me up.. 7. Karen same with Liana but im better fwiends w her uwu 8. Nick we made a deal so like? stick to it?? 9. Adrian a cool man that I wanna get closer to 10. Isaac we tryna power trio w him and Ricky 11. Ricky I think he'd have a better chance at beating Isucc

1 is take em out chief and 11 is sweet bb boi owo

(jesus take the wheel the cameraman gets super tired but Andrew keeps speaking)

Dear diary, clash won hoh today, and I hope he doesn’t put me up. If he does, then I’ll just bully him by constantly posting the screenshots of him confessing his love to Madison kimrey in the house chat. Till next time! Andrew <3

also yikes I guess dani assumes I’m the one who took her out in the challenge but like there were 8(?) of us left and lit rally lov we’ve talked for like 5 minutes so I could not give less of a shit lol

I could use Dani’s passive aggression to fuel a nuclear power plant

After the nomination ceremony where Isaac and Liana are nominated, tensions brew between Bobby and Isaac (which makes Isaac concoct a lie to make Bobby feel bad for being mean). The houseguests start to form alliances on late night calls, notably Madison’s two alliances Weiner Hard and The Chipettes.

Nick

VL Cast Assessment/Opinions:

Adrian - We don’t exactly talk often but I feel quite safe with him... he gives me laying low type player vibes and I’m gonna let him do his thing! Overall like him a lot and there’s potential with him as an ally in the game.

Andrew - He’s quite chill! He and I talk a lot and I personally really like him and his attitude. I think he doesn’t scream threat but late game he may be the main social player and threat to win. I consider him a worthy ally

Bobby- I LOVE BOBBY! He’s overall really fun and has a great personality. We are definitely close in this game! The one issue is he makes it very clear he hates Ricky and that could put a target on him and possibly me if they think we are close. He’s someone who I will 100% have their back in the game

Chelsea - She’s sweet... nice personality and doesn’t seem to have any enemies. I think she’s a super nice person and there’s really nothing negative to say about them at the moment besides I wish we connected more sooner.

Clash - CLASH IS AMAZING! We knew each other way before this and we already had the bond but we never worked together... hopefully this time it will be different and we can work with each other long term!

Dan - I love him but the house thinks otherwise... people see him as a kind of a crazy over the top player based on past games... but in my opinion it’s better to have those types of people on your side rather than against you in these types of games... sadly he might be a common target in this game.

Dani - Dani is so kind and I love her so much! We talk all the time and the only issue I have with her is that she’s after Madison who I also like and trust. Their feud might ruin my game long term!

Drew - I like drew but I feel like he automatically thinks I’m with him because we know each other... we haven’t talked a ton but when we do I enjoy the talks a lot as he’s genuinely a good and funny guy!

JG - Same a Clash where I knew him before this and I trust him but we never played together! I think everyone likes him and he is someone who I gotta trust or I’ll fall out of the loop.

Karen - Rocky start but we actually talked a bit and connected a bit. I’m hoping for more but as of now I don’t trust Karen that much.

Liana - Chips wife omg I love you. they are nominated right now and I’m worried people will evict her because if she “puts the baby down” as some say, she may be really threatening long term in the game.

Madison - Hate this bitch... obviously joking but she can be trouble long term if I don’t keep an eye out for her... she’s going to create and be in drama and I gotta be ready to deal with the aftermath. Trust and love her but she can ruin everything for me in one day if she wasn’t in the right head space

Randy - This bitch is so funny! I want to work so bad with randy and I think it may actually happen! He is someone I hope I can count on long term in the game!

Sammy - We are slowly making connections and he reaches out to me very often so I’m happy to see someone is reaching out to make a bond with me rather the other way around! I’m excited for what’s to come!

Isaac - He might as well not talk to anyone at all because he’s basically inactive... he didn’t even speak to the hoh when they made nominations then got mad when they went up... it’s annoying that you think you deserve to stay over Liana who’s putting work in.

Ricky - I like him! He talks with me which is nice and I’m just overall looking forward to more conversations because I find him funny and interesting!

Andrew

I wasn’t nominated which was lit and clash said I’m one of his closest allies.. dunno if that’s true or not but I’ll run with it for now. Liana being nominated im neutral about but isaac could be an issue bc I’m supposed to be working with him. But sometimes he’ll go inactive in games? And idk why. I guess his aunts in the hospital which is a yikes but also he shouldn’t be surprised if he’s on the block. Also calling clash an incel and Bobby a dick in the chat is a look but also Bobby kinda WAS being a dick so like understandable. PS - who has the social tact now miss isaac? ... ily

Madison

Idk if I could trust Nick fully because he's already backstabbed Randiddy and my keeping things from both him and Bobby is just easier for me. I'm gonna keep my mouth shut this time and not cause too many fights but I also wanna fight most of these people. The noms are also sexy as hell and I hope Liana goes because she has a child to take care of and she should go back to that

Randy

https://youtu.be/QZC4skhewkg

The veto commences, and Sammy reigns victorious in the Word Ladder challenge. Isaac and Liana remain final nominees. But will rumors of the “premade” on a house call seal Isaac’s fate?

Ricky

literally not one single person has spoken to me today except sammy and he said hello and nothing else so i’m not doing shit until i am told anything

Randy

youtube

Andrew

so i think isaac is dying and people are coming to me like "i know hes ur fwiend uwu" and im like well im obviously not gonna be a dumb dumb bubblegum lookin ass bitch and rock any vote when im tryna play this UTR friendly to everyone game. my game rn is based purely on conformity and being a wallflower. so if isaac has to get sent down the river then bring me a boat bitch

Madison

i can't wait to evict all these boring ass people

0 notes

optimisticpoetrypost-blog · 6 years ago

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