#the cow™

[ms-scarletwings]

Collection of photos in my phone’s album pertaining to the cow, circa March 28-29.

[7-andahalf-rats]

mooooo

[lunasilvis]

I need to take a beautiful girl with me into the French country side

[manycrows]

🐄

[djevelbl]

One day this list will have every milka product .

[lifesmpliar]

Y’all ever remember that Joel and Etho were normal about each other once upon a time. Like they didn’t interact that much and were pretty chill around each other, then Double Life really changed everything.

Now every time they see each other they’re like

“Remember Boat Boys ™”

“I can’t believe you replaced me with a cow”

And “You own my heart”

[henwinchesters]

southern husband ! reader

graves having a southern husband makes all the sense in the world. you own a lot of land and right in the middle of your big farm sits a pretty blue and white farm house that you built. you don’t have kids just yet, but the two border collie sure do suffice enough for the both of you.

while he’s away you take care of the farm, getting all the work done while missing your pretty little husband and praying for his safe return. as much as he loves telling you just how much the military could needs a brute like you—he knew the farm was a much better fitting setting instead. plus, phillip was in absolute love with watching you ride horses.

those rough hands of yours weren’t made for holding a damn weapon, but for taking care of horses, feeding cows, and gripping his thigh when you’re driving that big truck of yours.

nonetheless, when your phillip comes home, you’re always there with open arms and dinner ready. you know he needs it after the things he does to ensure the safety of your country.

you also know how hard he works and likes to be taken care of after engaging in such physically demanding work. so you shower together a lot.

military balls aren’t your favorite, but phillip practically jumps at any opportunity to show off his good looking husband. extra points because he loves seeing you get all nice and suited up.

you usually just hang off his arm like some pretty eye candy— phillip will introduce you then make conversation, you have no problem standing back and watching him act all professional.

only god knows how insanely good and nasty the sex is when you get back home.

dates would consist of taking him horse back riding and out on picnics—it’s corny but you prefer enjoying nature and being outside than holed up in some cheesy expensive restaurant. not that you mind of course.

you’re a good husband. family is always first and being born into a big one, you know how easily to is to put phillip before yourself.

© ASTROKNOTT ™ 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒 !

[candlecoo-sideb-art]

CANDLE 👉👈

would. Would you ever consider. Drawing Martin with some Good Fucking Cows™ pls,,

not only do you get a good cow, but also a preview of season 4 Martin!

[itsclydebitches]

I'm re-listening to TMA and I CANNOT get over the 180 Jon does in "Page Turner." We're four episodes in and the last three have been spent building up Jon as the cliched skeptic who takes a Rational™ approach to his supernatural job, thank you very much. Oh, you encountered a meat puppet trying to lure you into an alleyway? Sure you did, Mr. Drunk As a Skunk. My hometown is housing moaning coffins that dislike being used as coffee tables? Uh huh, says the self-identified drug addict. Oh, the woman who saw the Not!Them didn't have injuries severe enough to induce hallucinations? Alright, fine, but I'm sure there's some explanation for all this. I am Jonathan Stuffy Sims and I will NOT be cowed by a bunch of unverifiable superstitions.

So by now the listener is pretty used to this format. Creepy statement, skeptical Jon, just enough ambiguity to set up the eventual reveal that all this is true. We know how these stories go. Jon will get blindsided by the revelation in like... a season? Maybe two? Poor guy is gonna be so shocked, being a skeptic and all smh 😔

BUT THEN MAG4 slams in with the post-statement to end all post-statements. Jon comes out swinging and just fucking decks the listener with "If I never hear the name Jurgen Leitner again it will be too soon." Oh, you thought the ominous book collector would be news to him, something else to dismiss? SIKE. He already hates Leitner, all his homies hate Leitner, Leitner is an established Supernatural Threat and god dammit, I thought we'd already dealt with this back in 1994. What was Gertrude thinking? We need to stop the spread of evil ozone books immediately. I'm taking this up with Elias, I'm taking it to the TOP, because if we don't keep the clearly undead woman and her heat-averse son from spreading more fucked-up novels around we are all DOOMED. What's that? There was Sanskrit written on her flayed corpse? Oh, of course there was because organizing this archive wasn't ENOUGH of a challenge!!

And then in future statements Jon goes right back to, "The supernatural? I do not see it 😌"

All of which is WAY more fucked up and compelling than the traditional skeptic. Jon is a mess. Truly the most character of all time.

[realcube]

HAIKYUU!! BOYS VISITING YOU AT WORK HCS

characters ♡ tsukishima, nishinoya & kuroo

tws ♡ mentions of opoids & cursing

KEI TSUKISHIMA

♡ he would NOT come see you at work on purpose

♡ like he notices how exasperated and frustrated whenever you get off work so bro wants nothing to do with that

♡ plus, because you are always telling him horror stories about customer/co-worker interactions, he just assumes your workplace is a breeding ground for crazy people and wants to stay the hell away

♡ most boyfriends after you tell them about how rude customers are to you would come in to your place of work and give you flowers just to make your day, but not tsuki

♡ plus he hears the way you respond to your customers in these stories and he does NOT want to be a victim of your wrath

♡ on the brightside though, since he is a shithead himself, you might expect him to be the annoying type and play devil's advocate whenever you are telling him about terrible customers like:

♡ "customer is always right!" "it's your job to do [something completely unrealistic and overzealous]" "but what did you do to make the customer act like that?" "a tip is not a requirement!!!!!" "i think you're overreacting.."

♡ and he does try to be objective so he can be like that sometimes

♡ but keyword is try

♡ 99% of the time, as soon as you tell him the customer did something remotely inflammatory towards you, he goes into full Protective Tsukishima Mode™

♡ and since he is a cow himself, he is in full support of any cowish or "out of line" behaviour you may exhibit in retaliation to the rude customer

♡ you cussed them out? tsuki is like awesome, good job babe!

♡ you threw a drink at them? tsuki is like but great, hopefully you didn't strain your wrist with all power and vigour you used.

♡ you call them ugly? tsuki says that's offensive to kageyama and ugly people everywhere but you still ate that.

♡ and if you're manager has anything to say about it, tsuki says kill em

♡ anyway all that is to say he loves you but he won't be stepping FOOT near your establishment of employment 💜 willingly

♡ however, let's say you work at a drug store and tsuki has ran out of parcetemol and obviously he needs some more because of all the headaches his team is causing him

♡ and there aren't drug stores around every corner

♡ (even if there are, he's probably banned from at least a few for being a smartass)

♡ ("☝🤓 erm actually i think what you meant to say was oxytocin , oxycodone is an illegal opoid")

♡ (i'm jk ofc)

♡ (tsuki doesn't know the difference between oxytocin and oxycodone, he doesn't even know the difference between tanaka and that other buzzed guy from aoba johsai??) ( he gave them both dirty looks to make sure he covered all his bases)

♡ anyway under the circumstance that there was no other way he could source his medication and he needed it urgently, his only option was to sneak into your store and PRAY someone else served him besides you

♡ but of course you spotted him and called him over to your counter

♡ you'd go through the usual debrief of 'why tf are you here?' and him explaining that he literally had no other choice

♡ you're relieved because if he was becoming one of those corny boyfriends who visits you at work to tell you what a great job you're doing, you'd be afraid he was possessed by the spirit of daichi and you'd have to perform an excorcism at work which is toooo much effort

♡ thankfully he wasn't posessed though, just in pain

♡ you ring him up and the speed of light and then he leaves

♡ ...

♡ is what you WISH happened

♡ instead, once he finally realises the power he has in this situation, he takes the absolute piss

♡ he channels every terrible customer you've ever told him about and becomes the Avatar of Annoying Cunts: Stupid, impatient, loud and downright RUDE

♡ two of those things he's an expert at

♡ a scholar, if you will

♡ "good morning? it's the afternoon..." "why are you taking so long, it's only one item?" "cash or card, what does it look like?" "why are you in such a bad mood, calm down?" "you've overcharged me..."

♡ you could tell he was just joking around but the fire that raged inside you was very much real

♡ the thing about tsuki though is that he is easily embarassed so stops as soon as other people start looking his way or your manager tries to get involved

♡ the switch up is kinda insane because after hearing a customer call your attitude "foul" and "noxious" one of your co-workers chimes in and asks if there is a problem and he is like

♡ "no, no problem at all 😊 just amazing service here haha! 😗 the only problem is that i'm being served by an angel! 😇 shouldn't you be in heaven? 🤭"

♡ jk he wasn't actually that sweet he was more awkwardly like "we're good!" then shuffles off with his painkillers but he actually forced a smile when he said that so he may as well have have called you an angel and all that bologne

♡ when you see him next you both agree never to dicuss that incident again because it was just too awkward for either of you to bare

♡ and he's petty asf so if you do ever try to bring it up, he will seriously just pretend it never happened

♡ like at a restaurant tsuki is like "this stew i ordered is cold. i'm going to flag down the waiter to complain."

♡ "let me do it! we both know how ruthless you are when complaining about service workers."

♡ "huh?"

♡ "remember? when i rung you up at the drug store? you were so mouthy."

♡ "i don't know what you're talking about.. i've never been to your drug store.."

♡ "..."

♡ "it could be a front for an illicit drug cartel for all i know..."

♡ "..."

♡ "now that i think about it, probably is."

YŪ NISHINOYA

♡ okay .. so

♡ it all started when he invited you to come over to his house to play mortal kombat on his ps2 and you said yeah sure, but after you finished work

♡ you had a very complicated shift and NO energy to play video games but the last thing you wanted to do was disappoint nishinoya because that would only make you feel worse

♡ so you muster up the will power to head over to his house, sending a precursory text that you're on your way but warning him that you may not act like you're usual self because you've had a rough shift

♡ as soon as you step foot inside his home, he leaps at you and envelops you in a tight hug, asking you to recount in detail everything that happened today and what has upset you , if you're up for talking about it

♡ you're original plan was to be strong and tough it out, hoping that playing mortal kombat would help you take your mind off of it anyway, but as soon as he starts acting all sympathetic and being so kind, you immediately burst into tears and spill your guts

♡ you explain that there is a regular who comes in every friday that is always a bit bold and sassy but never anything too bad

♡ however, today you were the one that made this regular's order and when you gave it to them, they spat it out onto your shoes and claimed it was the worst thing they've ever tasted and demanded you give them a refund

♡ your manager hates giving refunds so you politely offered to remake their food instead but they continued to be uncooperative and scream all sorts of terrible things at you

♡ it all ended with them getting a refund and leaving but it still left you jarred

♡ he holds you, comforts you and tells you no one deseveres to be treated like that. eventually you are able to put it all into persepective and realise that what's done is done and it's not like you could relive the past and change what happened. no one was physically harmed and you didn't lose your job so there was no point dwelling on it

♡ he was the positive light that guided you through such a grim situation

♡ him, and the hope that they'll never come back after that interaction, and you tell him this

♡ which is about the time he recalls that you refered to them as a 'regular' and starts acting strange and asking a bunch of — what you deem to be — random questions

♡ "so.. what were they wearing?" "you said their hair was brown? what shade: poopy chestnut or sludge coffee?" "what shape were their eyebrows?" "on a scale of tsukishima to me, how defined was their jawline?" "when they flipped you off, did they use their right or left hand?"

♡ you answered most of his questions, assuming that he was giving you a platform to call them ugly or maybe he just wanted to create a very realistic and detailed image of the confrontation in his brain

♡ regardless, once he was done with his questions, that's the last you spoke of the situation for a while, and you prefer it that way

♡ ... that is, until next Friday rolled around

♡ there was no way nishinoya could let you go to work when there was the possibility that an abusive customer could come in and start berating you again; what kind of boyfriend would he be if he just let that happen?

�� so, shortly after the store opened, he camped outside near the doors, in such a position that no one from inside could see him, even through the windows

♡ he stood there looking intimidating (as intimidating as a 5"3 boy can be), any family walking by would've thought he was some sort of McDonalds bouncer (a McBouncer, perhaps)

♡ during the morning, it was busy but not an awful not of people were coming inside, the majoirty were going through the drive-thru (but you mentioned the regular always comes inside so he knew he was guarding the right place)

♡ however, since there was no one coming and going, he felt as though he didn't need to pay much attention so he took a seat on one of the nearby dining benches and started playing games on his phone

♡ 40 levels and 0 adhd pills later; it's the afternoon, rush hour and there was a bunch of people entering and leaving the establishment

♡ he took guard by the enterance once again but when he peered inside, he was afraid he might be too late

♡ he couldn't see their face, but he could see you at the collection counter talking to someone with a disheartened expression. the person you were talking to was moving very sternly while talking to you, which he wasn't fond of

♡ he snuck inside without you noticing, which wasn't hard considering there were so many people and also you were currently engaged with a customer

♡ when he came in, his suspicions were only confirmed and the customer wasn't yelling at you but speaking in a loud voice and saying all sorts of nasty stuff like "this serivce is unacceptable! can't even make a damn whopper... let me speak to your manager!"

♡ when he heard this, it instantly activated some sort of reflex in noya that made him act on instinct: he spirited towards the customer, weaving through the crowd, and leaped onto them from behind, clinging to their back like a vicious koala bear while trying to pull them to the ground and biting them

♡ screaming stuff like "don't you ever talk to (y/n) like that you freak!! you have no idea how hard they work so you have no reason to be so mean all the time!! lay off the attitude and the burgers and maybe you'll be able to afford a HEART transplant !!!"

♡ eventually the customer lost balance and ended up on the floor while noya hopped on top of them to start punching them in the face, but before he swung he noticed the face of the person he was about to hit

♡ "if you don't like their burgers, taste this— !! oikawa??"

♡ once noya falters, you are able to react by jumping over the counter and explaining that oikawa isn't the one that chastised you last Friday; he just came in today and was a bit upset over his burger with no mayo , that had mayo on it and you were about to remake for him

♡ once noya realised this he helped oikawa to his feet

♡ oikawa muttered something about his bad knee and hating small people but after that he silently waited at the side for you to remake his burger

♡ you brought noya to the back and told him that you appreciate him coming to your work to protect you but you really didn't need him to and that you can fight your own battles

♡ he understood but insisted that he at least stay for the rest of this day in case that crazy regular from last week came in and harassed you again but your manager swiftly kicked noya out

♡ so now he is banned from his local McDonalds and also Aoba Johsai High but he says it's worth it for you

TETSURŌ KUROO

♡ suuuuch a hoe about it icl

♡ whenever he is going out to eat with friends, he will always bring them to where ever you work, especially if you work as a waiter or a host or some other occupation in which you deal with the customers directly

♡ and he will sit there and pretend like he doesn't know you and has never seen you before in his life

♡ and you just thought this was a funny little bit he does. y'know just to be jovial and fun lol like you genuinely didn't think much of it and thought he just pretended like he didn't know you for the shits n giggles so you played along

♡ HOWEVER the real reason he would bring his friends to this restaurant was to pretend like he has hella game by flirting with you (and obviously you'd playfully flirt back bc you're his s/o...) and impress his friends by successfully 'pulling' their waitress

♡ sometimes before going to the restaurant he'd be like "guys if i can get our waiter's number then you all owe me ¥1000 (approx £5/$6)"

♡ technically fraud but he'd make more in tips that night than you

♡ (💔)

♡ although this scheme would only work on each friend once and he couldn't even do it to his closer friends like kenma or bokuto because they know y'all are dating so they wouldn't fall for it

♡ he did it once while lev and yamamoto were at the table and they went CRAZY

♡ they genuinely asked him to teach them his ways

♡ not knowing it's all a lie....

♡ one day though kenma is in the changing room and makes a remark about kuroo being a loser virgin for taking his switch and lev and yamamoto SPRING to his defences

♡ "NAH you should've seen kuroo at that restaurant. he got the hot waiter's number and was hitting on them the whole night!"

♡ he knows you work as a waiter, and he asks them what restaurant they are talking about and when this whole interaction happened and they confirm his initial notion

♡ he then appears at your work immediately after school and says all ominiously "i have some information about your boyfriend i'd be willing to exchange for food"

♡ one long conversation and a portion of soba later, he confesses to you everything he knows and how he suspects kuroo only pretends your not his s/o to impress his friends

♡ you find it hilarious but you know you can't let that slide

♡ so the next time he comes in, you have your game face on

♡ instead of going to typical route and aknowledging kuroo, thus making it evident to the party that you both are acquainted, you opt for a more entertaining plan

♡ you go along with the premise that you and kuroo don't know each other and you are just a random server who happens to be attractive, waiting their table and also completely receptive to his advances

♡ until... you aren't!!!

♡ it begins as soon as they are start at their table, you and kuroo make flirtatious glances at each other from across the restaurant; his friends pick up on this and are utterly enthralled

♡ when they order their food, kuroo makes a comment "everything looking so delicious" while looking at you instead of the menu, and you blush

♡ even when you drop their food off at their table, you remark that it might be "too hot to handle" and that really gets them all going

♡ however, at the end of the meal, before you start taking the dishes away, you ask them if everything has been alright for them and he responds, "everything has been perfect, doll."

♡ and your face just DROPS into one of absolute horror and disgust, "Don't call me that!"

♡ Kuroo is caught quite off guard by that and you walk away while all his friends are still snickering, but he brushes it off as it being a pet name you're not fond of or something

♡ When you leave the cheque at their table, he blows you a kiss off his finger and you just give a dismayed look in response which all his friends pick up on and laugh at him for

♡ finally, when he had wrote up the cheque, he wrote his number where it said "tip" and you picked it up and read it while they were all still standing near the table, getting ready to leave

♡ as soon as you looked at the paper, you glared at him and yelled, "just give me a real tip, weirdo!" and all his friends opened their mouths with the intention of laughing but a involuntary gasp was pulled from all of them as they watched you bitch slap him right across the face

♡ ...

♡ yeah needless to say he had a tough time explaining to his friends why he didn't press charges and you a tough time explaining to your boss why you smacked a customer

[lxvvie]

Simon writes THE best negative yelp/google reviews😂

“Came for a left wheel panel replacement, left with bondo stuck in my car. The 2nd fix was no better. If i wanted sloppy seconds I woulda went to my missus you fucking donkey🖕🏻. 0/5”

“The rice was undercooked and harder than my dick while takin a fucking wank. 1/5”

“Bad infrastructure and car park. Wouldn’t even use this in modern warfare . 1/5”

“Garry the barista, you made my wife uncomfortable AND you gave me ICED sweet tea. Count. Your. Days. 0/5”

“VERY inaccurate website description. A rookie shooting bullets out of his ass would be more accurate than you bloody cunt. 2/5”

“Bloody hell. The food looked like its was drooped, kicked, and shat on by a fucking cow. 0/5”

Y'all leave my Missus™ alone, he wouldn't do this. He probably would and tell you just like he wrote the review lmao.

[orgasming-caterpillar]

Mahabharat characaters on Social Media: pt. 1

Yudhisthir

Mostly reblogs "Am I The Asshole?" polls and somehow each with a detailed and insightfully correct answer. Most people just look for his reblog and then vote whatever answer he's deemed right. That's how he earned the nickname "Dharmaraja"

Always explains stuff to the asks he gets and does it very politely so. You could ask him about anything and as long as he knows about it, he'll tell you about it.

Women respector since before 5000BC.

Never annoyed by hate comments on himself. Calls the fuck out of them if they disrespect his brothers.

Bheem

Posts photos of foods he likes.

Always posts about what he's cooking.

Gives gym tips to beginners.

Probably has "never stop bulking 💪" in his bio

Definitely makes it his own duty to teach his mutuals how to cook.

Arjun

Crazy good archery skills. Knows it. Shows them off.

(most people just look at his arm muscles flexing though)

Arjun: Madhav! Look at how famous this post about my archery is getting. I don't understand though. All I did was hit a bull's eye.

Krishna, looking at Arjun in that video being completely shirtless and slicked with sweat, brown skin glowing under the sun: *sweats*

Doesn't understand the thirst comments. ("Madhav what does railing mean and why does this person want me to do it to them?" "Uhm, it means they want you to "train" them haha. It's a slang. Haha." "*Replies to comment* sure I'd love to rail you")

Nakul

Sexy and he knows it.

Thirst traps.

Actually works very hard and always helps people, but he's such a troll that people just think he's a unemployed gymrat pretty boy until he attends some big event and people are like "YOU HAVE A JOB??????"

Loves his fans (I just know he'll heart each and every thirst comment go argue with a wall)

Always tagging his twin in the most random posts (most of them are jumpscares)

Sahdev

Does not want to be here

Always duets the videos nakul sends him and screams at the jumpscares ("I do not like this TRICKERY!" "The ball hit the camera Sahdev it wasn't gonna jump out the phone and hit you in the face" "I am BLOCKING YOU")

The fans love his reactions. He doesn't know, he never checks the comments.

Gives in after some time and creates a no-bullshit self help account to help people manage their life and work more efficiently

Krishn

The definition of Hot Mess™

On every platform he's on, which is every platform that exists, this man is Chaos. One post will be "My wife is so beautiful" and then "I miss Arjun" and then "here's three legal ways to loophole out of a lawsuit" and then a motivation post and then a video of a cute baby cow he saw on the sidewalk.

Pranks the fuck out of everyone and everything (his favourite victim is arjun)

Professional roaster. Has online beef with Shakuni. Insults in the most insufferable way possible you canNOT find a way to insult back it's so annoying cuz then he's like 😇🦚

Cute couple reels with Rukmini

[covetyou]

please impregnate dieter

ok bye 💜👽🛸

fine 👽🛸 beam him up, boys.

propagation

ao3 ⋆ main masterlist

pairing: Dieter Bravo x f!alien rating: Explicit (18+ only!) warnings: dub/non-con (because alien abduction), alien impregnation, implied mpreg, anal sex (including rimming and fingering), tentacle (just one), belly bulge, alien gender includes humanoid alien ladies with shapeshifting tentacle dicks, spaceship bondage, light mind control. word count: 2.8k summary: He always knew their existence to be fact, but Dieter Bravo never considered their continued existence would one day rely on him.

A/N: seeded left me with too many thots, so I accidentally stayed up until 4am writing this, and finished it this morning, thanks to this comment of yours. I hope you're happy. I have very thoroughly impregnanted That Man™, with his own hypervirile sperm.

And for anyone curious, he was beamed up into the spaceship like a Sim.

tagging a few unfortunate people who have expressed interest in my little weirdo:

@sp00kymulderr @umnitsa @missredherring @thereaperisabitch @magpiepills

@pedge-page @max--phillips

Dieter has no clue how long he's been here. It could be minutes, it could be weeks. Time stopped meaning much of anything pretty quickly - that's how it goes when you're trussed up in a windowless room, strapped up by some extraterrestrial technology the likes of which he hadn't even seen imagined on the most bizarre of movie sets.

Logically, he knows he should be afraid. If there's one thing Dieter Bravo knows, it's to fear the unknown. But, some part deep inside him knew this to always be true. These things that have him existed long before he did and would go on to exist long after him too. Even deeper down he knows that what they're doing to him right now is to ensure that continued existence.

There's no other reason he can think of for being in a position like this.

Or stripped entirely naked.

And nothing else will quite explain the contraption currently strapped to his cock.

No amount of wiggling will dislodge it, and between the way his arms are strapped up and the way his hips are hoisted high in the air, his head left to dangle as it pleases, he doesn't think it's coming off anytime soon. It's a good thing he kind of likes it, even if it does make him feel a bit like a dairy cow.

In the minutes, hours, days, since he's been here, not a single soul has bothered to come in to see him. He didn't know if this damn tube that was pumping him was even okay to piss into, or where his next meal would come from. Realistically, he hadn't thought that he'd die here - it didn't feel like that kind of thing. Still, the fact remained that he hadn't seen a single living thing since the light took him and the floating feeling took over his body.

It was a floaty feeling, thanks to the position he's been kept in, that hasn't quite left him. Between that and his cock being relentlessly pumped without reprieve or release, he's starting to feel desperately lonely here, floating through space or wherever here is.

No sooner does he think it, when there's a hiss of mechanical doors behind him. Dieter opens his eyes - he'd closed them some time ago - and there she is, stalking towards him on two long legs, talking to him in a tongue he's never heard.

It's an unnatural voice. Somehow too high, and too low, and lilting, and rumbling all at once. It's the voice of a dream, one he's had before, except this time it's so very real. It wraps itself around him and lodges into his bones, vibrating sound through to his core until he's gasping and suddenly understanding everything.

This is a processing chamber. He is to be processed, bred, and released.

The newfound knowledge isn't exactly a relief, but he supposes the machine trying to milk his cock without letting him come just yet makes sense. The longer he teased himself, the more he had to give, and it seemed these lifeforms already knew that too.

She purrs, dark eyes bright and curious, and it sends a jolt to his cock, twitching and swelling in the grip of the machine. If he wasn't sure about coming before, now he's certain. He doesn't care who, or what they are. He just wants to burst, to give them every last drop he has, and to make a show of it for the alien thing standing behind him. She's beautiful. Her skin practically glitters, shimmers holographic, translucent, full of sunbeams and starlight. Her eyes trace him, examining every inch, before settling between his legs where his engorged cock hangs and his balls draw up in a desperate attempt to come.

But the machine still keeps him on the cusp of losing it.

Even when one elongated finger reaches out to stroke him, tracing down the seam of his sack, he can't come, and that's when he realizes it's her doing.

"Please. You can have it. All of it. Just please..." his voice sounds thick and just about as alien to his ears as hers did, but he knows she understands him.

He knows, because with a blip and a soft whine, he's being maneuvered in his restraints by some unseen force. With legs spread wider, and his shoulders pulled back, that ethereal voice hums through him again.

...Ready for processing...

It's her. Dieter can see her out of the corner of his eye as he twists in his restraints. But she's changed. Sort of.

She still looks effervescent - her skin shifting and fizzing under his gaze - but so much about her has expanded and grown. Her fingers have gotten longer, wider, the tips practically glowing with each throb of blood through her veins. She seems taller too, and broader, rounder, but he's struggling to work out what's a trick of the too-bright light and what's real. Fuck, everything feels so real.

Most of all what Dieter notices, and can't take his eyes off, is the swelling appendage between her legs that definitely wasn't there a moment ago. He'd almost mistake it for a cock, if it wasn't for the way it moved and writhed, as if a limb all on its own.

He should be scared. He knows he should. But he knows that all that's between him and coming is being processed, and he's quite liking the look of what that means.

Another tingle ripples through him, just as the cool weight of her drops down behind him.

...Commence lubrication...

Something slippery and long slides along his ass. It slips between his cheeks, wet and slick as it glides across his puckered hole, leaving trails across his skin. Dieter can't help the groan that leaves him. If this is lubrication, he can't wait for what comes next.

And then it slides inside, the slender tip breaching his asshole for a moment, feeling wetter than any tongue he's ever had there before. He can't help but twitch in his restraints, his legs trying desperately to give him momentum to rut into the air, to give him more friction so he can just come already.

Instead, he's held still by long fingers with too many knuckles. Fingers so long they wrap around his entire thigh, anchoring him in place. He's totally at the mercy if her and her tongue - because that's definitely what it is, even if the feeling of it swirling around his rim is more than a little different to the human tongues he was used to.

It probes into him deeper, and he groans in his restraints. The machine on his cock has stopped it's sucking, but it hasn't given up it's grip. He can't bust even if he wanted to, and he's starting to think she's never going to let him come.

He can feel it. The tongue slipping deeper, her mouth meeting the skin of his asshole, and the slick rush of liquid as it pours into his hole.

He's begging. He can hear it distantly coming from his own mouth, before the soft lullaby of her voice rings in his head and turns his bones to jelly.

But then she's gone. Her mouth unlatching from his ass, the tongue slipping from his hole, and the fizz of knowing is back in his head.

...Lubrication complete...

There's so much of it he can feel it dribble and bubble out of him, leaving gloopy trails down his thighs as he shudders in the bindings keeping him hoisted high.

He can see pools of it on the floor beneath him too, and more dripping in oily globs out of him as he shudders. No lube, or saliva, he's ever experienced is like this. Nothing has ever pumped so deep and felt so good.

...Commence dilation...

Fear.

Fear because he knows those words, but doesn't know what it means for him here and now, with his ass so he exposed to her and his cock at the mercy of the machine. Dieter tries in vain to move, to tuck his ass under so he's a little less exposed.

But it's no use.

The long fingers find his thighs again, and that voice echoes through his head, bringing him to calm as the tip of one throbbing finger strokes against the slick of his hole.

When it pushes in, the stretch feels no different to the toys he's used on his own ass, or the many people he's had fuck him before. It feels good. Incredible even. Each slight fuck of the finger into him coinciding with a deep throb in his asshole.

The bulbous tip of her finger pops in and out of him, drawing more moans out of him as his rim is stretched around the appendage.

When the thinks dilation isn't too bad, her other hand creeps up to his ass, pulling him apart and holding him open.

The stretch is deeper like this. And he's nodding his head, spurring her on to finger his ass more, to go deeper and curl just the way he loves until she's milking his prostate. He knows he can come like that. He doesn't need anything on his cock, he just needs some well practiced fingers in his ass, and he has a feeling this creature is extremely well practiced at this.

Deeper doesn't come, but the stretch does. It's the stretch of another of her thick tipped fingers being pushed into his hole. And when that pops past the resistance of his asshole, he yelps, his chin wobbling in a feeble sob. Dieter can't help but gyrate his hips. He's so desperate for more he's willing to risk those fingers pulling out and holding him in place.

Except they don't.

She lets him rut this time. He can feel the pleasant approval from her in his mind as he rocks himself in the air, fucking her fingers as deep as his shallow movements will allow.

Even when the fingers tug at him in opposite directions, he doesn't stop rocking. He feels so full and stretched, that he barely registers a third finger joining the others until it's too late.

He almost panics. Almost, because he's fairly certain at that same moment she tells him to calm, to relax, and he does. The tense muscles in his asshole give in to the fingers and let them in, all three fucking into him and stretching him beyond anything he's had before. Even a fourth, and final, finger doesn't draw response from him beyond a whimper and a sob, his hips still doing whatever they can to get the digits deeper.

...Dilation complete...

And then they're gone.

And he feels so empty.

"Please. Please you can't. Don't leave me like this, please. You've got to - I need to - please. Anything. I'll do anything."

Dieter knows he's babbling. Knows she might not even understand a word he's saying, mess that he is. But he doesn't care. He's never been so desperate in his life. He wants her fingers back, or her tongue, or even that terrifying thing writhing between her legs -

...Commence insemination...

He doesn't even hear it, even though it's right there inside of his brain, unavoidable. Dieter doesn't hear, because the moment the voice floats into his body, the slick tip of her cock, more like a tentacle than any penis he'd ever seen, slips easily inside of him.

It's immediately swelling and growing as it slips deeper. He can feel as he's stretched wider and wider around it, the whines that leave his chest turning more and more desperate with each throb of the thing plundering his hole. It's deeper than anything has ever been, he can feel it as it wriggles around through him, pushing aside organs and pulsing into the deepest parts of him. It's impossibly wide too, the deep stretch in his asshole unlike anything he's ever felt, even two cocks being no match for this thing she's wedged inside of him.

And the deeper it pushes, the wider it pulls him, the more he craves it, the more he needs something to anchor him down and ground him even as he floats along, hoisted in the air of a fucking spaceship to be bred by an alien creature.

Whoever his captor is, she's benevolent, and she gives him exactly what he wants. Her long hands wrapping themselves around his hips, finger tips pressing on the bulge in his belly, massaging him and drawing soft ah ah ah's from his mouth. She likes it when he makes noise, he can tell by the burst of approval tingling down his spine, like she's singing something beautiful to him as she destroys the very hole she just prepared.

When those same fingers trail down to his balls, the throbbing in their tips turning to frantic thrumming, vibrating his sack in her hand, he knows he's done for. The machine around his cock starts sucking in earnest, switched back on by some command unheard by Dieter. The tight grip it had around his base is gone, and all he can feel is relentless sucking, the buzzing along his balls, and the writhing tentacle cock deep in his guts, fucking the life out of him.

He feels higher than he's ever been, and before he knows it he's coming, his cock throbbing and pulsing in the tube that contains him, spilling out seemingly endlessly as the thing inside him writhes, pressing against his prostate and milking him for more and more and more.

He doesn't stop coming. It's still leaking out of him, his balls spent and drawn, but his cock red and throbbing and sore but still so drippy from the relentless onslaught in his asshole.

Around him everything whirrs to life. Lights flickering on control panels, sparkling across his vision. There's movement too, above and to the sides of him, but he can't move, doesn't even much care what's going on as he still twitches and comes and comes with her tentacock buried in him.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck -"

There's pulsing. The gentle throb of her fingers was one thing, but the thing inside him is now pulsing so deep it stretches him wide as each pulse ripples from the base of her through to the tip, where he can feel it burst and fill him.

And with one final wave, the biggest yet, the thing inside him throbs and bursts once more before she releases a pained gasp. The fingers around his hips don't release, the throbbing in the tips of them so quick the vibrations are numbing his skin.

Dieter can hear it - actually hear it - her voice uttering some gibberish he doesn't understand, and the thrumming pulse of her fingers eases off, even if the depth of her cock does not.

...Processing...complete...

His own breaths are the only ones he can hear among the slow winding down of the machine around him. There's other sounds too, as his vision hazes and blurs. Snicks of tubes disconnecting, the hydraulic hiss of moving machinery, the soft steps of the alien behind him as she pulls away, and out of him, with one final gasp from both of them as the impossible length of the appendage she had buried in him finally comes free.

The machine unlatches from his cock without another sound, before collapsing into some hidden compartment in the floor. The panel lights switch themselves off, and his restraints fall slack. He can finally move again, twist to see her, even though all of him aches too much to ever want to move again.

But he does. Anything to see her one last time, because he knows in his bones that this is his last chance. He's never known it himself, but he's certain she looks how love feels. Even now as she reduces back down to something a little smaller, but nonetheless imposing, he can tell that that's what she is. And maybe it's her function, the draw of her electrifying skin. Maybe she looks this way to make processing easier. Still, looking at her, he already knows he'd do it again, if only to lay his eyes on the thing that looks so much like a love he's never known.

With a final look into those beautiful, endless eyes, he lets exhaustion take him, the last remnants of her voice flitting through his veins just as he succumbs to darkness.

...Thank you...

He dreams of a light so bright he's certain he can hear it, the harsh metallic glare of it buzzing through his ears, making them ring and his head spin.

But the light gives way to darkness as he wakes, and he sees the very same stars that took him, just as distant as they've ever been, and looking down to the city below from the hills, he sees stars there too, as close as they always are, and the ache taking deep and low in his belly is forgotten, if only until dawn breaks across the horizon.

[thesherrinfordfacility]

okay let's get them hard truths out in the open following episode 6, bearing in mind that i am in the UK and am therefore chronically sleep-deprived, and have watched the Feral Domestic™ maybe only like oh 7 times:

crowley is as much at fault as aziraphale. they are both as bad as each other. their own individual idiosyncrasies are literally the other's emotional downfall and if im honest im not entirely sure there's any way they can adequately move past it.

waxed on and on and on about it, but aziraphale's issue is not that he has any allegiance to heaven. he doesn't at all, and that is obvious in his initial reaction to the metatron, in that he essentially says that he knows his place and it is not Up Above. it is right there in the bookshop, and with crowley (even if he didn't consciously think it that explicitly at the time). he doesn't want any part of the heaven that it currently is, he has had enough and is tired of trying to be the angel that hides who he is and what he wants from his existence. that much is very much clear.

but the mantra throughout most of life is to be the change you want to see in the world. look at the major societal issues that are happening in the world today; people are rising up and fighting for what is right, and what they believe in, and wanting to make changes. now look at this opportunity that aziraphale has been given. regardless of the questionable motive of the metatron offering it to him; if you were in his position, could you say you'd find it easy to refuse that?

the issue here with aziraphale is that he (again, ill harp on about it until the cows come home) thinks that crowley - this demon that isn't a good demon because he is good and kind and gentle - would want to have his place in making that change happen; be by aziraphale's side whilst they create the world and heaven that is different from the largely shit one they've always known, hated, and feared. this is where the Pedestal comes in; like i said before, aziraphale has now been confronted with the fact that this demon, his best friend and love of his life, is acting in the way he's always acted but that aziraphale refuses to acknowledge... because to acknowledge crowley's shortcomings (which ill discuss in a sec) would be to question aziraphale's faith in him, and mean falling from the pedestal that has been aziraphale's status quo for the last few thousand years at minimum.

edit: this also needed adding because it touches on aziraphale's tendency to hold himself superior to crowley, which he also does in the Domestic scene.

crowley's issue is twofold. one, he cannot move on from the fall. second, that he is sometimes a manipulative and childish shit. the first is obvious, and his recent experiences with heaven have only compounded this (ie his conversation with gabriel/goob, where he lays into him about gabriel's part in the cruelty shown towards aziraphale to the point he almost makes goob kill/injure himself). crowley can also however be incredibly cruel borne out of his own pain. there were major hints in s2 that not only did crowley fall (no matter what the metatron says, im still not convinced he fell for only asking questions) but he fell from a great sodding height that in his mind should have made him untouchable. my thoughts on morality in heaven have already been discussed, but that must have had a huge impact on crowley; it is no wonder that it's a sore point and he feels bitter, resentful, and angry.

in the above context, id want nothing to do with heaven either. but crowley doesn't communicate and im guessing that his feelings about the fall are a No Go area in terms of what he's shared with aziraphale... so for crowley to assume that aziraphale turned down the metatron is grossly unfair - how was aziraphale necessarily meant to know how deep his trauma (if we're applying human mental health constructs) runs? he isn't to know that at all - so it does track that aziraphale would think that crowley would want to help him make a difference so they don't have to keep getting involved in the toxicity that is the heaven/hell politico-moral dichotomy.

what also upset me about the Domestic was the kiss. i loved it for what it was in isolation and it was a long time coming, and a huge movement in the dance they constantly have with each other, but it was in essence manipulative. i realise crowley was on his last emotional straw and yes, perhaps the love and devotion got too much for him to contain... but he literally just stood there and heard aziraphale tell him that he wanted crowley and he wanted them to be together. there were no qualms at all that aziraphale loves him as much as he loves aziraphale. so, what was the kiss meant to prove?

to my mind, it was manipulation; specific, a temptation. whilst very romantic and 'sweep him off his feet with the violins playing', it was also non-consensual and unwarranted on crowley's part - to the point of being derogatory and redundant (lets be clear: not a criticism on Neil for adding the kiss, im purely talking about crowley as a character and his Choices here). there was nothing to prove, nothing that that kiss could have possibly convinced aziraphale to do. so the only thing that leaves, imo, is that it was a temptation. crowley does not typically use temptation in this way, or at least that's the impression ive had throughout s1 and s2, so he chooses now is the time? to tempt aziraphale into staying with him? of course he does!

he's desperate, but also childish and immature and completely ignorant of what aziraphale is actually saying to him. aziraphale never denied him; aziraphale wanted him in this opportunity exactly by his side as he always has been. but that didn't fit with what crowley wanted, so he tried to make aziraphale bend to his will. aziraphale says the fatal words "i forgive you", but if he has (as i suspect he has) realised that crowley was trying to manipulate him... well, id probably say something as damning to crowley as 'i forgive you' too.

when aziraphale said 'nothing last forever', i realise crowley took that to mean him and the life that they built together, but it obviously wasn't that at all. aziraphale is saying that they have eternity ahead of them, that he wants to spend it with crowley, whatever has to end around them (ahem the world? apocalypse from s1, anyone?). aziraphale demonstrated consistently throughout s2 that he is trying to give crowley his own agency where heaven/hell are concerned (paraphrased but: "I want you to help me but if you don't want to, you are free to leave"). crowley however seemed that he was constantly one foot out the door in case things got Too Much (which, you know - valid) but aziraphale really did his best to make crowley not only not feel suffocated but also that crowley was wanted. and for anyone that is a tough balancing act.

the two of them have had 6000+ years of Not Really Communicating. this is the detritus that remains when they don't, and it was absolutely needed in this season. for them to break apart and break in and of themselves. s3 needs to be where they learn more about themselves than each other, and stop believing that the other is infallible, because such thinking - worship, blind faith - only ends badly.

[piracytheorist]

Twilight Eyes Project: "The Prestigious School's Interview" (part 1)

Previous episodes analyses

I might be getting over-the-top analytical with this 😅

Anyway! Another vital part of Operation Strix is upon Twilight: ensuring Anya passes the interview for Eden. This day requires Twilight's full attention.

As expected, he's all business here. The very first panel/shot is him with serious Twilight eyes.

An additional shot from the anime, right before they leave for the school, shows him fully alert.

Upon arriving and seeing the massive crowd, Loid checks if Anya is feeling okay with that amount of people around her. His eyes stay narrowed, but a little softer. The anime also adds a new expression of subtle relief that Anya seems to be okay.

Sensing that he's being watched, he's back to Twilight eyes.

Naturally, he keeps a similar expression as he figures out who is watching him and why.

He keeps a similar expression even as he shares his revelation with Yor and Anya. Not yet time to relax or let them relax.

And it's that sharp look that Henderson notices.

Judging by Twilight's surprise in seeing him later, I assume he wasn't expecting Henderson to be watching them, but he still keeps up his serious look.

It continues on as Loid leads the others to salute the statue of Eden's founder. Again, there's no need to present himself as warm and welcoming here; now he needs to appear serious, elegant, and respectful towards traditions. Such a Manly Man™ can't be seen with a wide smile and bright eyes in such a prestigious environment, see.

He figures out the staff is already filtering out the undesirable applicants. Tight mask stays on.

Still on when he notices the boy in the gutter...

Still on when he gestures to Anya to suggest they help the boy...

Still on when he gets the boy out and splashes himself with gutter water...

But then he has to make himself look like a compassionate citizen, caring for the well-being of a child. Eyes go wider, reaching Loid eyes in the manga.

Knowing him, that could easily have been an honest reaction. There's more of that later.

Back to business! New suit on, Twilight eyes back on!

They also stay on as he thanks the boy for giving them the opportunity to change into more suitable clothes.

I'm sure he was still aware he was being watched, especially in this moment, but again, knowing his character, it was probably important to him to make sure the boy wouldn't feel guilty for making them soil their clothes.

Narrowed, but slightly relaxed Twilight eyes right before the farm animals approach.

Fully concentrated as he tries to analyze the situation...

And as he rescues a child from getting hit by the speeding cow.

But then, the anime gives him soft, real eyes when he makes sure the child is safe and in his father's arms.

Quite a soft look there, too. It lasts for only a little but it was deliberately added there, and it was a great little touch.

He's had it with those tests! As evidenced by his serious Twilight eyes while he contemplates actually taking serious action.

Yor de-escalates the situation, Anya shows compassion to the cow, the animals retreat, and Twilight is just left there confused.

Narrow eyes still on as Henderson makes his appearance. No time to relax just yet.

And when Henderson tells them they are worthy of applying to the school, his eyes take a particularly soft look.

It's kind of debate for me, most of the time, whether this softening indicates "real eyes" or not. This isn't a particularly touching moment, nor are Henderson's words an absolute guarantee Anya will be accepted into the school. But it is a moment of reprieve and relief, after some very intense and chaotic minutes. So yeah, we might have some real eyes here.

Also, Henderson just thanked them for helping avoid a crisis, so maybe that also influenced Twilight's expression.

But now, it's finally time for the interview! Exuberant Loid eyes are on. The Forgers' decency won't be challenged by some pitiful crisis!

In general, it makes sense that in this part Twilight would be extra intense and alert, with very few excuses to put on the happy "family man" mask. Still, the story provided moments that caused some variations in the way his eyes looked, and truly, I think that's indicative of Operation Strix in general. Twilight is brought to situations that give him newfound experiences and feelings. Things are rarely perfect and rarely do they go according to plan... but that's how life is like for normal people. This is Twilight getting a taste of that for the first time in his years as a spy, and I find that very interesting.

(continued in part 2)

(no manga spoilers please)

[cm-lily]

I read a fanfic once, I forgot which one. But in that fic, they have this idea where Gem and Grian's base has this... Foggy vibe to it. Like compare it to the cherry mountain that's all pink and petals and then you have these two bases which are straight up The Horrors™

I Just love that idea

So much I've been thinking, what if the whole Magic Mountain is surrounded by fog? A magic fog and mist that just always surround the area and got thicker as the sun set further. The area always seems cloudy. As if there is an eternal cloud forever covering the mountains. It's either raining, or storm, or cloudy. The only time it's clear is when Grian finally got his mending book, the pink snail arrive, and it switch to storm when Scar got the mending book. (He got struck by lightning a few time if he reaches that area)

Joel's base not only has lantern illuminating it, but souls as well. They didn't stay idle, but never went too far. Some of them even transform, Into tanuki or fox or wolves and even Koi fish and Axolotl. That fly in the air instead of water, obviously.

Sometimes there's things passing by on Impulse's build. Something tall and slender, with long limbs and sharp claws. They're not Enderman, Enderman don't crawl. Impulse said they're cool if you pretend they didn't exist and just let them... Lurks around.

Something is wrong with Mumbo's base. I want to call it decaying, but it's not. It's more like redstone veins appear around the blackened grass, the air smells like gunpowder and something acid. Or maybe copper.

Many hermits had reported seeing the sight of a statue angel that just appear on top of Skizz's unfinished Pyramid. It appear when they're looking at it, but then they look around and it's gone. The statue has never been in the same position everytime someone look at it.

Most people don't like going to Scar's base at night, not only because of how creepy it look like surrounded by those fog. Like the rest of them, something strange always happens. Like animals looking bigger and more beast-like the moment night arrive, ever seen a cow just grows multiple horns and it sounds like those horn are breaking out of it's skull? Or that one time, one time his horse stand up on two feet? Probably not. Scar said they're harmless. Except for the snail—he said. The snail isn't his. That's why they damaged his build and become a nuisance.

(There was once a time, a time where clouds whirled around his ore pillar, clouds that are made of limbs and hand and eyes and it just stretched and climb down from the pillar. It never reach the ground, fortunately.)

Grian never stopped fishing. Even if it rains or stormed outside. He's smelly and that's why snails like him and his horse don't. Totally not because Pluto saw him turn into giant mer-man with many eyes and tails and sharp tooth. Definitely not. Don't feel weird when you feel like you're being watched. Or because shadow-like silhouette wander around his wheat farm, or a silhouette of something massive that was illuminated everytime lightning strikes, looking down from the cherry mountain toward his and Gem's base and, occasionally, you felt like you found a body you recognize in the water—

And that's where Gem comes in! Gem is someone who stopped you before you decide to jump in the water and check who's that corpse is. And the one who shooed off the many eyes that lurk in the muddy river side of Grian's base. Grian hates her for that but there's nothing he can do. Gem, like Grian, is someone who can walk in the middle of the storm unharmed. Most of the time, she make sure that none of the hermits fell into the trick of her other neighbors.

just don't let that distract you from the fact one of her build is actually sentient and breathing and is always staring at you. Or the fact there's blood around the rocky shores if you squint into the dark river/soon-to-be-ocean. Or the fact that, just like the angler, the skull always felt like it's watching even if there's no actually eyes in it's socket. Gem is always present when you want to have a tour or just so happened to passed that area, but... If she's not there to guide you, would it even be worth it to be stabbed with a trident and got dragged into the water?