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darkhats · 3 years ago

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my response to that one cookie run drama video from 2019

youtube

if u were in the fandom at around 2019 you'll remember this video. really a grand hallmark of its time. this is probably the most unecessary thing ill ever do but i see alot of recent comments from a month ago agreeing with this and i think thats extremely sad. im mostly doing this as a fun nostalgia trip and also i really want to justify me wasting 14 minutes watching this

first of all i want to say this video is fucking awful. just dreadful. like girl what the fuck are you even saying. i'd only recommend watching in full if you want to hear about the fandom in 2019 with a condesending voice talking down to you the whole time and even then you could probably do better just scrolling through the discourse tag

i suggest you pull up the video yourself as i'll be responding by timestamps. if i sound angry at some points its because i am

you can skip to 1:40 the rest is just intro stuff

1:47 | im really curious why you put this screenshot while saying "entitled fans" bc u never elaborated and i would really LOVE for you to explain whatever this one meant

1:50 | for the "huge amounts of hypocrisy" bit i have no idea what this is? this would be hypocrisy if the twitter acc in the previous screenshot and this tumblr blog r the same person but theyre not. we don't all think like a hivemind? this post is stupid in general stop infantilising asian ppl like they have no idea what a black person even is

2:02 | "gatekeeping what kind of ships you're allowed to like" with this screenshot u a proshitter or sumn🤨

the rest of the things they listed will be talked about later

2:51 | oh wow the "fixing art" thing. i dont think this is a thing anymore but it definitely was a big thing back in 2019! the thing is im quite neutral on it because a lot of artists dont like their work being edited but on the other hand if you dont like when people put the correct skintones on your art then maybe you should colour it right the first time

i will say though if you see cool art of like dark choco or espresso and its whitewashed and u wanna edit it so its not and u keep it to yourself then idc thats fine to me. the grey area is when it comes to characters like moonlight or alchemist, who's skintone is quite difficult to pull off in some artstyles. a lot of the examples in the video use people like cherry blossom or cotton candy who don't quite fit in the same category but are usually targets of this anyway

a very simple fix is to just use a different colour but to not make them significantly lighter from how they look in canon, which alot of the examples you showed don't do. they all look pale as shit compared to what they actually look like ingame and thats why people complained about them

also your marina video is fucking awful btw

3:53 |

4:56 | "so many people in the fandom hate the developers" im one of them hiii. i should probably use this time to explain why (please note that this was made in 2019 so a few of the points im bringing up here will probably be a bit too recent)

devsisters really love showcasing whitewashed art of their characters (they used to do it on their forums rarely but thats now gone) and recently they've been quite excited to dabble in the whitewashing themselves (keep in mind the others except from twizzly gummy don't really count as whitewashing but they're all significantly lighter than their regular appearance). its like a hobby or sumn. everytime they host a fanart contest i brace for god damn impact. and this has been a thing since FOREVER

speaking of race and ethnicity, lilacs costume (and redesign in general) is just... bad but i dont think they were even introduced at the time of this video. milk and yam WERE though and its extremely baffling to me how this went through an entire team/company and got greenlit. its insane how shit they are (if it was just yam on his own i wouldn't hate him as much, i still wouldn't like him tbh, but they decided to pair him up with a white saviour). would i call them racist though? ...idk? they've been moving funny recently cant lie

another thing is the valentines day video which pisses me off to even think about. in that vid theres alot of.. ships that definitely arent legal. and whitewashing ^_^ they still haven't addressed it btw if ur curious. but it happened this year and honestly i wouldnt blame them for not thinking devsisters would do something like that bc i sure didnt!

theres also the thing with nfts but no one couldve foresaw that one coming

i assume when you mention people saying devsis are transphobic that you're talking about characters like dark choco or cinnamon who weren't referred by any pronouns until they were magically given he/him pronouns later on. nonbinary people can use any pronouns they so damn please but i get why people would get annoyed about them both suddenly being referred as he/him. wouldn't call it transphobic though. other than idk, how tf am i meant to defend something when u dont even telling me what ur talking abt

and 5:29 is quite the bold claim if you have to say "do i have evidence for this asian hate? no.." when bringing it up again btw

now we're onto the "stories from a few people" section. the few people are actually just two, the first one just runs their mouth for way too long. dw they both suck. ignore how the creep art person is there its been addressed already in the description (which is funny because the creator remembers this video still? and they presumingly agree with it still..?)

7:00 | i would heavily recommend putting the video on like 1.75 speed and just reading the reply yourself because this person goes on for WAY too long. excuse me if the timestamps are wrong because of this but at this point i really just do not care

the first thing i want to address is the cuphead and cookie run fandom comparison, because its just as ridiculous as it sounds "i have no idea why its so focused on being sensitive about cookies sexualities, genders, and races, when other fandoms dont even take subjects like that as seriously. im pretty sure the cuphead fandom takes its bosses less seriously than the cr fandom does its cookies..." literally what the fuck are you on about? excuse me as im not a cuphead fandom connoisseur here but how are either fandoms connected?? they both got a vastly different audience, gameplay, artstyle and characters (+ character design). the only thing similar is that theyre both popular i GUESS. also maybe the cookie run fandom is so "sensitive" about cookies races bc they keep getting whitewashed every 5 seconds🤔? just a game theory tho🤔

7:25 | pisses me off ever so fucking much. the "ive never seen a fandom get so disrespectful over issues that i honestly dont think even exist" while talking about MILK COOKIE COOKIE RUN are u crazy are u dense im glad you can frollick along in ur flowerfields not having to ever deal with racism but I cannot. and if ur not talking abt him then you'd be talking about the "sensitive about sexualities/genders/races" thing and yeah man u right none of that is real. the LGBT disappeared suddenly in 1987. all humans were destroyed as they had race. we're all grey goo people

im not even sure what the complaint even is.. oh nooo someone did a milk redesigning the controversial parts of his design... how ever will we recover..?

8:15 | yeah as everyone knows i can make a character as pale as i want in fanart as long as i say these are my humanizations actually. garbage argument, most people dont draw the characters as actual cookies and most of the fanart does just fine with eyedropping the characters original skintone (oh im sorry, dough!!) so whats the excuse?

dont worry this person is done now we're almost at the end

11:18 | for the other reply, its the fiction doesnt equal reality shit do you really need me to go over this one? do you really. if they just cookies and its just fiction then why y'all feelings hurt so bad. also lumping in whitewashing with age and gender while ur talking about peoples headcanons is a bit weird btw

anyway the last thing i want to go over is the "cookie run fandom is soo obsessed with debating on whitewashing, ages, gender and sexualities!" thing thats so prevelent with these arguments. 2019 had this fun period where with every new cookie that came out there was some sort of controversy with them (millennial tree and raspberry mousse being he/him, roll cake and sorbet shark being a child or not, ect.)

whitewashing is obvious why so i'll move on. some characters can be seen as lesbian coded (white choco and rose for having majority girl fans, sea fairy in general) and there are a few characters that explicitly aren't referred to by any pronouns (dark choco before the guild adventures, peppermint, ect.) which u dont see everyday in games. so yeah.. people care about these things because they like representation. who would've thought?

now im gonna be fucking real. the arguments over cookies ages were always annoying - the reason why the fandom has arguments about ages so much is because devsis REFUSES to tell us canon ages. think about it, majority of the "canonially confirmed" children in the game are from a child event that happened in LINE. thats a completely different company running the game. because of how character-heavy the game is, ships are a very big part of the fandom. i sincerely doubt theres anyone in the fandom who doesnt like any ship and at the time rarepairs were rly common. so when you've got a fandom who really likes to ship and developers that dont ever mention ages then you get a fucking mess. i dont know what sorbet shark or roll cakes age is and its pointless to even debate it because id rather just have the devs confirm it themselves (not like they ever will). and even for the one singular time they did specify that one of the characters was a child, they still showcased fanart of said kid being shipped with an adult anyway

but that concludes the video and thus this response! i have wasted so much time on this i honestly could've showed you them ranting about how "cookies dont have skin colours" in the video or the part in the marina video where they complain about how people "think whitewashing is bad but make non-black characters black" and moved on but what else would i do on a sunday night?

#cookie run #cookie run discourse #FINE ill use that tag but only ONCE.#i got like 52 of the people who've used that tag b4 blocked thts funny #anyway this was a HUGE waste of my time. really fun 2 look at takes that are absolutely freezing cold tho #text

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surlifen · 4 years ago

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i dont waste energy hating closed species And You Can Too!

alright you asked for it

Claim 1: “Closed species limit creativity in the art community by locking off certain concepts.”

No, they don’t. If you believe that, then you also must believe that copyrighting in general-- or just generally the fact that making a design exactly like someone else’s is viewed as kind of wack-- are stifling creativity. Why? It’s easy to accidentally make a concept that is similar to someone else’s, because there are literally just not that many Things That Exist. There will ALWAYS be repeats. Generally, if a design coincidentally looks like another, there will be a mixture of backlash from people who believe it was an intentional ripoff, and total acceptance from people who understand that it was an accident. Ultimately, the correct way to live is to understand that 1) these coincidences can happen and should not be punished, but 2) intentionally ripping off someone else’s work is wrong. It isn’t black and white, you must process 2 or more concepts at once.

Species owners understand this. I have never seen a species owner come after someone for accidentally making something similar or inspired. This is a myth. Species owners are busy as fuck, generally Normal People, and simply do not have the time or energy or desire to moderate things outside their community. Please talk to literally any of them for more than two minutes and you will discover this. Every species owner I have met is friendly and kind and I’ll go into detail on exactly how bullshit this stereotype of them chasing people down for similarities is later.

So, given that some randos will get upset and harass people over harmless inspiration/coincidence but most will not in ALL cases of accidental over-similarity: this is NOT a species-specific problem and happens just as often--if not MORE often, because of how much people fucking despise closed species-- with non-closed-species characters.

Secondly, species owners do not create a closed species with the goal of closing off a concept from use. They do it to create a community they can manage and share a concept they have created.

Take the world of Nephfei, created by the artist Queijac. The closed species of Nephfei are called Spinxyn, and they are very much sphinxes. They are not a brand-new concept Jac is claiming to have come up with, they are intentional and very direct references to sphinxes. What sets them apart is their species LORE, WORLD, and COMMUNITY.

[image ID: a screenshot of the Spinxyn species guide on deviantart, created by queijac. Text reads “IMPORTANT NOTE: Spinxyn are a species OF sphinx. Yes, they are sphinx, and yes of course anyone can make sphinx characters and designs using similar appearances! I claim no ownership over design aspects! Spinxyn as a CS community, however, which offers social art related activities, world building, themed events, etc., to use the characters in, simply relates to my own PERSONAL WORK and how i want to enrich peoples experiences with it! Please understand this, thank you!!!”]

This species is not closed so that Jac can copyright the idea of a sphinx. It is closed so that Jac has some control over the world and lore they have created. Were anyone able to create a Spinxyn without an approval process, not only would the community become too large to manage too quickly, but all sorts of Spinxyn with aspects that don’t fit the lore would pop up.

[Image ID: screenshot of a message from Queijac in the nephfei official public Discord server. Text reads: “theres just a total disconnect that 99% of ppl making closed species are making. a Group...... its about.... the community....... and building the community around One concept that someone makes and puts rules in place for so that they can actually. U kno. MANAGE THINGS... and make a cohesive group experience....... the reason CS have so much popularity is because they come with a community, not because theyre 100% unique never before seen or heard of concepts”]

Jac explicitly acknowledges that sphinxes do not belong to them and even says that borrowing some spinxyn-specific appearance details is okay!!! The ONLY thing off-limits here is a WORLD, COMMUNITY, and LORE.

Except it isn’t. Because Nephfei also hosts not one, not two, but THREE open species of intelligent beings, plus NINE official species of non-intelligent animals, so that anyone can participate.

Claim 2: Species owners harass and police people who make similar concepts.

I touched on this already re:species owners are busy as fuck & Jac openly encouraging people to make sphinx characters and even borrow spinxyn-specific traits, but this note from ground-lion/seel, the creator of Chimereons, really does it for me.

[Image ID: a DeviantArt note from ground-lion to me. Text reads “hello, thank you for showing me this! we don't actively do anything to police offbrands, since it causes more trouble than i think it's worth. i like to avoid drama wherever possible, and it seems like most people who participate in offbrands are just looking to press people's buttons so we can't/won't do anything to these people, i think it is best to just try and ignore it and move on.”]

Here you have the owner of one of the arguably most shit on and hated species saying outright “we don’t bother doing anything about intentional ripoffs”. For context, this WAS 100% intentional, I had noted ground-lion about a user I saw posting adoptables that were LABELED “offbrand chimereons” (so if anyone was hArAsSiNg PeOpLe oVeR SiMiLaR cOnCePtS here, it was me, calling attention to intentional and stated copying).

Sidenote: I think it’s shitty to intentionally steal a concept. Ground-lion has also said there is no issue with making anthropomorphic chameleon characters, just that chimereons were inspired by a set of traits, a word, lore, a desire to create a community, and their own personal stylization of anthro chameleons. It’s fine to take inspiration from how someone else stylizes an animal, but the degree to which people do it-- just outright copying every aspect of Seel’s work-- rubs me the wrong way. Not enough to say anything because that is only my personal opinion and because I do not have time for that shit.

The Dainty mod team + owner (Pajuxi-Adopts) also have a section stating that to make a design no longer a Dainty, all that’s needed are the following changes:

[image ID: screenshot of Dainty species ToS. Text reads “ Visual edits must be made for discontinuation, here is our standard discontinuation options: - remove the stockings completely and give them fur like an actual satyr - keep the stockings and give them human legs - make them an anthro - keep the stockings but they MUST start at least a quarter to halfway up the bottom portion of the deer leg with a clear divide between the stocking and leg with fur poking out underneath - you are free to suggest your own edits as well! “]

This may be speaking specifically about discontinuing a former Dainty due to the context we found it in, but this means that a design is not considered a dainty if, for example, its stockings show fur underneath and are not part of the body. That’s it. That’s all they ask. Pajuxi is not saying “this is my closed species of SATYRS WITH SOCKS and if you DARE make a satyr with socks i will COME FOR YOU!!!”, they clearly state that satyrs with socks are an acceptable Not A Dainty. I personally think the lore behind the stockings being physically part of the body and all the specific rules they entail is interesting and original and I do not think it’s such a wild ask to say “hey, please respect this and if you see it, don’t rip it off on purpose. You can take inspiration in all these valid ways but I want to have some control over the concept I came up with”.

Claim 3: Species owners are rich elitists making small artists suffer.

Species owners are small, independent artists. Artists being hated the instant they get even moderate success (that’s still usually BARELY A LIVING WAGE) is its own huge discussion and internalized issues + capitalist brainwashing you all have to deal with on your own damn time, but I want to emphasize that someone making a living or even comfortable wage from their art is Good, Actually, and is something we should all be happy to see and want to see more of.

Furthermore, no one is being taken advantage of. CS characters are a luxury item. You do not NEED one. If you absolutely will die without a sock deer, make one where the sock isn’t part of their body. If you will die without a chimereon, make an anthro chameleon and use your own ideas. If you will die without a sphinx character, I’m overjoyed to inform you that fucking nobody ever asked you not to make one. CS involvement is voluntary. If you don’t like them, don’t participate in them, but keep in mind that someone saying “hey, please don’t blatantly copy this design concept I spent time creating” is The Same Thing as someone asking you not to copy their individual character designs. You could live without stealing character designs. You can live without making something exactly like an existing CS.

Claim 4: CS put concepts behind a paywall and make them inaccessible.

Again, these are a luxury item. Most closed species MYO slots cost $10-$45. That is not a ridiculous amount to aspire to. Closed species owners WANT people to participate in their species, so there are a ton of ways.

- Chimereons hold First-Time Owner flatsale slot raffles every single month to ensure people who are new to the community have a greater chance of nabbing a slot than existing participants - Dainties have an art prompt every month, which rewards every participant regardless of skill level one prompt point (the art can be visual or written). Six prompt points can be used to buy an MYO slot for free. If you desperately need a dainty and are flat broke, you can get a free one by writing 150 words a month for six months or doing one drawing each month. Skill level doesn’t matter, ALL participants get a point if they follow the rules. - I joined a raffle for a free pre-made Spinxyn. I did not win the raffle. Jac randomly decided to give out 7 MYO slots too, one of which I won. I entered a raffle that DID NOT HAVE MYO SLOTS AS A PRIZE and got one for free anyway. CS owners want people to participate, I promise. - Dainties just had a 24-hour turn-in event (that they warned about a month in advance so folks could prepare designs), meaning every single person who submits a design in that 24hr time frame gets a slot. Normally slot sales are limited in number and sell out in seconds. - Jac sporadically draws quicker, messier Spinxyn designs which always cost $5 and raffle-flatsales them on Discord. $5 is not a gatekeepy price. - Tomoyokis recently had a free-for-all event where everyone could claim either a free common slot or a $10 uncommon slot. These are just specific examples I remember of easier or free ways to get CS. Non-specifically:

- art = reward systems are common, so again, just writing or drawing enough can equal a free MYO slot or entry into a raffle for a pre-made design - many many species that are relatively new have FREE turn-in events or giveaways to build a community - free FTO slot raffles - paid but discounted FTO slot raffles - random free design giveaways - trading art for a CS character or MYO slot (I’ve gotten a dainty and two dainty MYO slots this way, and I realize not everyone’s art gets accepted, which is why this is a whole list of ways that don’t require artistic skill whatsoever)

So getting your hands on one isn’t the worst thing in the world. You might need a little luck (as in, you have a completely fair chance that is equal to everyone else’s) or a little dedication (6 months of wanting one, or having to have a design ready within a limited time for a free turn-in event).

Also, there’s a reason CS prices cannot change much: this causes issues with the value of all existing CS characters. Dainties will ALWAYS be $35. The MYO slot price will NEVER increase. If it did, all previous dainties would be worth less, or would have to have their worth increased, which is logistics hell. Inflation doesn’t affect CS the same way it does everything else.

Claim 5: ok but legally nothing is stopping me from making one lmaoo

That is true. It’s also true that there’s not really any effective laws in place to protect artists when they say “Hey, please don’t quote retweet my art on Twitter” or “Hey, please don’t repost my art even with credit”. Sometimes, we just respect artists and do what they ask because we are Nice Fucking People, but apparently, species owners are a whole different thing, evil, and do not deserve the same basic respect.

IN CONCLUSION

Talk to a CS owner. They’re reasonable and kind people. There’s an exception to every rule, of course, but what I’ve found overwhelmingly is that they’re literally just people like you and I who were excited to make something cool and share it with people. The emphasis is HUGELY on community. I used to dislike the idea of CS too, but since participating in them and talking a ton with the owners (who are super down-to-earth and active in their servers-- Jac helped me with a confusing horse video game and gave me a Free Horse in there), I’ve realized that the caricature of CS owners as greedy and bitchy, laying claim to basic concepts like A Cat With Wings, is just bullshit. The stereotype that CS community members are an angry mob who will roast you over a fire if you draw a chameleon on two legs is bullshit. The idea that CS are impossible to get, are for the bourgeoisie, and cost thousands of dollars is bullshit (I bet you’re thinking about scarfoxes right now. Hot take: I think it’s great that an artist is selling their intellectual property for that much. I think we all should be able to. I think if someone chooses to spend that much on a design they think would make them happy, that is literally not a fucking problem, and since it was their choice and their money no one is being taken advantage of unfairly. Let people buy the shit they want to buy, I promise you will fucking survive).

I like CS, I think they are neat, I wish people would give the owners a break. They are just independent artists like me. They get lied about and stereotyped over this stupid drama bullshit and they’re so tired and saddened when the subject comes up. They literally do not police anyone-- they don’t have the time or the desire, and it wouldn’t work anyway.

I won’t post CS content here anymore. But I like participating voluntarily in these communities. I don’t understand why that’s something YOU get to have a problem with.

Stay out of my inbox. Thanks.

#long post #LONG LONG POST #seriously im not inviting argument so please please do not slide into my inbox or replies #anon ASKED; i am ANSWERING. the dialogue ENDS here.#not art #also this isnt meant as a like. Woke Post to Blow Up #it's my personal explanation and thoughts #so only read it if you want to.

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jay-and-dean · 4 years ago

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Firefly Chapter 9 : Twenty eight years old, Come what may

By Roonyxx and Jay-and-dean

Pairings : future Dean x reader ?

Summary : 40 years in Hell, but he didn’t spend all this time all alone, he had her.

Prepare to know what happened during those years Dean never talks about. To immerge yourself in Hell, only lit by the mysterious kid growing here…

And to see some of your favorite villains again : Crowley, Lilith, Lucifer… And also Sammy and Jack…

Serie Warnings : Hurt!Dean, Hell (torture, even if we tried to not give it graphic descriptions, creepy demons, blood, violence), swearing, angst, future fluff and smut.

This story is in both Reader’s POV and Dean’s POV

Wordcount : 5900

Note : This is our second collaboration. We can’t both edit the same post, so we decided we would post 1 chapter/2 each, like we did for Same.

We both worked as much on this story and it’s the result of both our brains but also both our hearts.

Please, if you want to show love for this story, don’t forget we were together in this.

This story will be around 10 chapters and we intend to edit it every Saturday if nothing delays it.

Firefly Masterlist

Jay’s Masterlist

Roonyxx Masterlist

——————————————————————————————

9. Twenty years old : Come what may

Reader’s Pov

She opened her eyes in a gasp, almost like she had slept holding her breath. She put her hand on her chest and immediately, the smell of the bunker calmed her.

This was no Hell, and even if it had been, the Winchesters had made sure Hell would never be what it was before : No Lilith or Alastair, no Lucifer, no knight of Hell…

She let go of the pillow she was holding like she once used to hold Mister Teddy bear; and looked around at the grey room. A little smile appeared on her lips : Everything was perfect.

She didn’t own anything, since Lucifer didn’t really let her pack before locking her back in Hell, but Dean had made sure that her room was welcoming enough. A little alarm clock on the nightstand, next to her glass of water and little bag of candies, a few books behind her bed, because she had always loved books so much ; he had also given her a few extra pillows.

She looked at her open closet, smiling at the memory of going to buy clothes with Dean on the second day. He didn’t want to take the risk to take her far, so they went to the closest store in Lebanon, a tiny store, where only one pair of jeans suited her, so she had bought two of them, two shirts, a few underwears, and a pair of sneakers. But her perfect items were the one Dean had given her. She really didn’t need anything else.

She sat and looked down at her wrists, they were now healed from the deep wounds caused by years of tugging at the chains but a mark was left, a scar. She rubbed her thumb on it, wondering if it would stay, thinking of the books she had read about those people who suffered slavery, their scars couldn’t disappear…

Her eyes wandered in the dark, and the red light of the alarm made her frown, she shivered.

6:28 am.

That meant the bunker would probably be silent... And silence wasn’t her favorite sound.

She got up on her tiptoes, tugging at Dean’s t-shirt to cover her panties. And, as discreet as she used to leave her princess room with her teddy bear in her hand, she sneaked out.

No blood all over the corridors and no scream anywhere. Dean wasn’t being tortured, he was sound asleep in a bed, not even too cold or too hot, just perfectly surrounded by pillows and safe.

A sound caught her attention in the kitchen, the calming, already familiar sound of the coffee machine in the morning, and the intoxicating smell that came with it.

A light smile on her face, still on her tiptoes, she walked to the kitchen to see who was at the origin of that comforting morning sound.

“Hi Sam” she smiled, when he appeared in her field of vision.

“Oh, hi Firefly” he said, immediately correcting himself. “Y/n.”

“You can call me that” she smiled sincerely, earning an awkward chuckle from him. “Is Dean still sleeping ?”

Sam nodded and handed her a coffee, she took it and started blowing on it. The feeling of the flavored steam on her face was one of the things she loved so much about life. One of the million things.

“D-Dean told me about what you’ve been through to lock Lucifer, and save us all, and me, from his cruelty” she started hesitantly. “I know it isn't worth much next to what you had to live but… Thank you. Thank you so much.”

His eyebrows raised a little, and he looked down while nodding.

“No, it- it means a lot actually” he said. “Thank you for helping my brother in Hell.”

“I didn’t” she answered right away. “I tried. But he still got tortured everyday, he still had to bleed to death on that concrete floor; cold as death or hot enough to make the blood puddles boil… And I still slept in a bed.”

Sam frowned, biting the inside of his cheek once or twice.

“You…” he finally spoke. “You had more than your share of horrors. You can’t blame yourself.”

She smiled kindly, she wasn’t ready to stop blaming herself, and as long as she would hate her kind, or at least half her kind that much, she couldn’t really forgive herself. But she had tried, and she was holding on to this.

“I’m going to get back to bed, with Dean” she stated. “Unless you need me for anything.”

“O-okay” he said, surprised, blinking a few times. “No, I dont… Be careful though, Dean is an angry sleeper.”

“He wasn’t angry last morning” she shrugged and left the kitchen still on her tiptoes, her mug close to her face.

She pushed the 11 door slowly, immediately smiling at the strong smell of Dean filling the room. He had been sweating, the room was a little warmer than the corridor, like his body had created a lot of heat during the night.

He was sleeping on his back, the covers crumpled next to him, his black t-shirt bunched up, slightly showing his lower stomach.

She entered slowly, carefully closing the door behind her. She walked to the nightstand to put her coffee there, Dean loved the smell of coffee waking him.

Then she put one knee on the bed, then the other, to join him in the middle of it.

“It’s me” she whispered when he reacted in his sleep to her movements. “It’s me Dean.”

She laid next to him , not daring to touch, just enjoying him being so close.

“Morning Firefly” he grunted, stretching his arm to reach the first part of her he could.

His hand landed on her bare thigh, grasping it to bring her closer.

Her hand flattened on his chest and her leg snuggled above his, his soft blond hair tickling her ankle. She looked up at the side of his face, her lips against his shoulder.

“I’m going to get up” he said sleepily.

“You don’t have too” she whispered, lifting her arm to stroke the hair on his temple.

She had held him so often, she had stroked his hair countless times… But now that it wasn’t to escort him to his millionth death, everything was different, a true Heaven.

“Yeah…” he said, wrapping his arm around her. “So tell me more about Sue.”

She smiled wide. For once, she also had stories to tell, she could finally debate about the best songs of Led Zeppelin -she hadn’t forgotten one- and tell him what food she liked the most.

Dean’s pov

The bar was not too busy, and just the good, enveloping amount of loud.

Sam kept looking around worriedly, like some monster was going to show up to hurt them because he had recognized her. But Dean was unfazed, sipping at his beer, his arm on the back of her chair. He had seen her power, and now he was sure of something : Not much could really hurt her, and if anyone tried, he would just rip them like he did Death, Abaddon and Lucifer. Nothing would stop him.

“I was so drunk !” she laughed out loud, telling her story, joy lighting up her whole face, her entire body living her words.

He smiled, engrossed by the sparking in her eyes.

“Sounds like a great evening” Sam nodded.

“Yeah” she said. “It was the first night I knew exactly where I was going to sleep” she added with a serious shadow on her face.

Dean wrapped his arm around her and used his big hand to put her head on his shoulder. She sighed in content and put a hand on his chest.

They stayed like this for a few moments before she got up.

“I need to pee, Jesus beer !” she said before she left.

Dean watched her leave, drinking a sip of his beer. His flannel made her look small, he remembered how her dresses used to make her so tall.

“You just let her go by herself ?” Sam asked.

“What ?” Dean gave him a mocking face. “I know she is not a big fan of loneliness but I’m pretty sure she likes to be there alone.”

“Someone could recognize her” Sam insisted, ignoring his brother’s comment.

“I gave her a phone, a necklace with sigils to keep her hidden, put a tracking chip in her shoe… You heard what Billie said, no one can recognize her, she learned to vanish into the crowd when she faked her death, her powers are hiding themselves” he stated in a deep voice. “She has been a prisoner all her life, give her a break.”

“I know, I’m… I’m worried sometimes” Sam said. “I really like her, but there are moments when you seem blinded by her, Dean.”

He didn’t answer and leaned to the back of his chair, looking at the restroom door to see her come back.

Dean was not blinded by her. He knew what everyone was thinking.

They were not hating her, and, after they met her and saw the light within her soul, they even grew pretty fond of her, who wouldn’t ?

They just didn’t understand that bond Dean and her had, no one did.

And Dean himself knew it was strange. He had seen her grow, and she had seen him die a thousand times. They had fought and hoped together, and they had suffered. What she had seen all of him, kneeling in his guts to hold his hand… No one could really understand that.

Having her in his home, in his life, was confusing, scary and disturbing. Thinking so much about Hell was unbearable the first three days, and at some point he really feared that it would stay insufferable. And so he stayed occupied, buying her clothes and some girl products, reading on Cambions, interrogating Demons and Angels… Even Billie.

But Firefly was not the darkness of Hell, she was the light out of it.

The next three days became easier. He felt relieved, like somehow, his hope being alive was a closure for him. A way to give some of his memories more sense and to let go of a part of it.

And so their bond grew. He remembered their kiss, so long ago, and spent a few hours in his bed wondering if their connection was this kind of bond, or not. And obviously, he had no idea. Of course she was pretty, beautiful even, and had the most radiant smile… But for now all he could really think, was that he needed her there, and that she needed to live for real.

He was confused, and, the more he was failing, for once, to find the right words to explain to his family why she could sit in the driver seat of Baby and turn on the engine without a flinch of him ; why she would always know when he was cold or hot, hungry or bothered before he even noticed ; how well she could know every details of his story… The more their bond made everyone wonder.

Castiel had been the most suspicious, his too serious frown hiding almost entirely the blue of his eyes. He had stared at her, and warned the brothers a hundred times about what a Cambion could do. Sam had reassured him like he could to avoid any poor choice from the angel, and Dean had just ignored him.

But when Firefly jumped in the angel's arms, her big eyes wet, thanking him a thousand times for freeing Dean, taking his hand to kiss his knuckles… even Castiel didn’t seem so sure of her dangerosity after all.

Sam was trying his best to understand what was going on, to hide his worry behind his usual kindness. Firefly coming to their life was even more disturbing than Jack’s birth, because it wasn’t new the same way for both brothers.

But once again, each time he felt slightly threatened by the connection between the young woman and his brother, she said or did something that showed how admirative she was of him, and how much she was ready to work on earning his trust, and possibly his friendship.

Jack was never worried, but curious, somehow craving answers about himself in the being that was both so opposed and so close to what he was.

She finally came out, meeting his eyes the second she passed the door and grinned at the music playing. She stopped in the middle of the bar, slowly swinging on the blues notes of guitars, her now shortened but still pretty wild hair nonchalantly moving on the red and black flannel, her hips moved by invisible waves…

And that’s when Dean knew the bond was indeed Love, and that, even if she needed freedom and to leave for other men, he would never stop being desperately in love with his Firefly.

While his heart was pounding at the realisation, she came closer and took his hand.

“Dance with me” she asked him.

Dean gave her an awkward chuckle and he could see his brother smirking in the corner of his eye.

“I don’t really da-” he cut off his own sentence and stared at her smile, who was he to put a damper on her mood, how could he resist that smile of hers ?

With a little groan he got up from his seat and grasped her hand tighter.

“Of course” he went with her to the jukebox, leaning down to her ear and whispering. “What song do you want, sweetheart ?” he stood behind her with his hands on her hips, feeling her move underneath his palms.

“This one” she put in a coin and as the song started to play.

Dean turned her around to guide her to the middle of the floor.

“Elvis Presley ?” he questioned,amused, as she put one hand on his chest and another on his shoulder.

“Yes” she murmured.”I love this song”

Her head came resting against his chest, making a small smile form on his face at the sweet gesture. He wrapped his arms around her protectively, enjoying the feeling of her against him, ignoring Sam’s look, and some other people glare on them. He knew perfectly well how silly they looked, like a prom in the middle of a small town bar. And he didn’t care the slightest.

They swayed slowly to the song, held by each other, floating in the song. And after a little while, Dean couldn’t help but whisper the lyrics in her ear.

“Take my hand. Take my whole life too. For I can't help falling in love with you” his lips brushed against the shell of her ear, his nose in her hair.

His heart was beating fast, he was even a little afraid she would hear it.

And when she looked up at him, he just fell harder for her. Her beautiful Y/E/C eyes shone in the dim light of the bar, those eyes that could make anything bearable, her smell surrounded him and at that moment it was just the two of them, all he could feel was her and that’s all he ever wanted to feel from now.

By the time the song slowly came to its end, they both had stopped moving, lost in each other.

He cleared his throat and let her go with a slightly awkward smile.

“We should head home” he said with a hoarse voice, his eyes having a hard time not looking at her lips.

“Yes, home” she smiled as she said it, like she was testing out the word for the first time and liked how it sounded.

And Dean would be wrong if he didn’t admit he loved the way it sounded from her lips.

Reader Pov

Dean parked the impala back in the silent garage. They all got out and made their way inside.

“Thank you for tonight, I really enjoyed it” she told the brothers as her hand rested on the doorknob of her room.

“Yeah it was fun” Dean said as he looked at her, his tongue peeked out to lick at his lips, so Y/n knew something was making him a little nervous.

“Yeah, it was” Sam repeated, his eyes flickering between his brother and Y/n.

She could see a faint smile on his lips when he wished them a goodnight as he rounded the corner to his room.

“So…” Dean started. “You think you will sleep okay, Firefly ?” he asked.

“I will Dean, you too ?” she kept her hand on his chest, the need to touch him and have him close all the time was so strong.

He nodded, smiling at her worried face, his hand pushing a stray hair behind her ear.

“Yeah, I will” he whispered. “No one is going to hurt me, or you.”

She gave him a small smile, reached up on her tiptoes to peck his cheek.

“Goodnight Dean.”

“Goodnight Firefly.”

She entered her room, her cheeks hurting from smiling. The entire night she couldn’t stop thinking of that one time they kissed, in Hell. It was so long ago and in the heat of the moment, but she cherished that memory like her most precious gift, it had sheltered her from being depressed in the street, and it had kept her sane in the cage.

She had been in love with him for so long, she didn’t even remember not loving him with all her heart… but did he like her that way ? Could he look past the fact she wasn’t human ? That she could, like Castiel said, be dangerous…

She crawled into her bed with all these questions turning over in her head.

_______________________

A familiar scream woke her.

“N-No stop !” she heard.

Dean.

She jumped up and ran to the room next to hers. She could hear his whimpers through the door, her heart aching at those familiar gasps of pain, she carefully opened it and went inside.

He was sweating, his hands tugging at the sheets, panting and a worried frown on his face. She couldn’t stand to see him like this.

She made her way to his bed, sitting next to him to stroke his hair out of his sweaty forehead.

“Dean, it’s okay you’re safe.”

She sat up against the headboard and pulled him into her the best she could, his face immediately nuzzled into her chest, looking for safety. Her hand came up to stroke the back of his head, he was shaking. She started humming the song they danced to earlier, and when she did, his hands let go of the sheets and wrapped around her, holding her tight against him as his breathing slowed down.

She could feel his eyelashes brush against her neck as he slowly woke up.

“You’re safe Dean, I got you. No one is going to hurt you” she whispered to the top of his head.

“T-Thank you” his voice sounded just like it did when he was in Hell, right after his body was healed but his mind couldn’t yet process what had happened.

“It was Hell” she stated, she didn’t need to ask, she knew how it sounded, she had grown up with it after all.

“Yeah, and then purgatory, Micheal,...” he sighed.

She angled her head back to look at him, she could see the weight in his eyes, the horrors he had seen. Knowing he had been freed from Hell was her biggest joy, but knowing he had known more horrors in his life made her both desperately sad, and raging with anger.

“Life has been impossibly hard on you” she said as she stroked the short hairs at the nape of his neck.

“Yeah, you can say that… I did some stupid things too” he said with a defeated voice.

“If you do them for the right reasons it’s not stupid Dean” she told him.

“I… I killed people, I used to have this mark, The Mark of Cain” he swallowed hard. “It turned me into a demon” he whispered.

Her throat closed up for a second, she knew of the mark, she read about it when she was looking for a way out of Hell.

“A demon ?” she asked, a little shocked.

“A knight of Hell actually” he said. “I thought of you when I was… I- I was horrible, I hurt so many people… I was the very thing I hunt” he whispered.

“It wasn’t the real you, Dean” she said.

“I know, Sammy cured me. He saved my ass so many times” he scoffed.

“I’m so glad you have him. You protect each other...” she inched down the bed to lay next to him, their noses almost touching.

It was just that easy, being with him, that comfortable. He didn’t move, he didn’t look away, his lips so close to hers that she almost could feel them, his glistening freckled skin roamed by shivers.

“I’m sorry I thought you weren’t real… If I had known I-I would have looked for you, Firefly” his voice wavered with emotion.

She put her hand on his cheek.

Dean needed comfort and tenderness, he was carrying so much, he always had been so brave… Maybe he didn’t want any of the tenderness she could give, but maybe, just maybe, what she was craving to give him would actually be a great comfort for him.

“Dean. We found each other. I’m never losing you again” she whispered against his lips.

“I’m never letting you go either” he moved his face closer to hers, his lips brushing hers.

The tips of her hair started floating a little in anticipation, she could feel the rage she had always contained in herself fall totally silent for the first time, and her powers slightly vibrate at his touch. Her eyes were flicking from his to his lips.

Her heart was pounding in her chest, and she could feel his, and all of him, whole and alive under her touch.

How many times she had dreamed of holding him like this, just not to hold him together, to keep his head out of his own blood, but just to feel his hair and his skin.

He let his tongue run on his lips, like he did so often, and she thought about kissing him so hard her lips trembled. She thought about the things she experienced without him, even if he never left her mind.

When his beloved lips caught hers in a tender kiss, she closed her eyes again, like she had the first time, to focus on the heavenly feeling of him. But Dean didn't give her time to draw it out.

He moved above her, claiming her mouth deeply, his burning tongue taking advantage of a moan escaping her to find hers. He was so tall and big, his body on hers looked like an eclipse. His broad shoulders rolling to support the weight of his back, giving this man, who already was the most noble, something feline.

“Firefly, I…” he stopped, panting above her. “That’s probably not a good idea.”

He was afraid of breaking her heart, she knew it, he was afraid of making their relationship blurry. He was probably disturbed by their common past. She knew he was troubled, but she wasn’t.

“I think we both need this” she stated calmly. “It’s a harsh night in the middle of a harsh life, Dean. Let’s just make it softer. Tomorrow, come what may.”

“Come what may” he repeated, leaning to kiss her again, his hungry mouth drifting to her jaw and the pulsating vein on her neck.

And Y/n had a thought for that guy she had slept with the first time, how his kisses felt weird and his desire uncomfortable… This was different, and new.

“Why are you smiling like that ?” Dean’s soft voice brought her back from her mind.

“I’m just experiencing something new” she whispered, her hands going under his shirt on his lower back to feel the delicious curve here.

“I…” he stiffed a little. “You told me you had already had sex.”

“Yes, I wasn’t talking about that” she smiled, but his questioning frown didn’t fade right away, his body and mind were still on alert from his nightmare. “You won’t let a smile stop you, will you ?”

“No” he almost growled, bending to nibble at her neck again.

Her hands slipped inside the back of his pajama pants, happy to find no underwear on her way. She pushed him down on her a little by his ass cheek, fingers digging in his muscles there, earning a low moan against her chest when his hips met hers, and his cock got trapped between them.

His body was desperate, hands trying to touch everything at once, grazing her neck and collarbones, grasping her sides, seizing one of her breasts through her shirt… Her eyes opened on the ceiling, and she noticed a few tiny stars floating in the air.

She gasped when she felt his cock twitching, calling for attention on her pelvis, growing between them. That man she had loved for so long, the Prince Charming Sue wished she would find, her Dean… feeling desire for her.

Trying to spread her legs for him, she realized her too large pants, the one Dean had given her, was stuck under his strong and heavy knee.

“Dean…” she whined trying to get free.

“What is it ?” he lifted his head, his warm green eyes searching her face.

“My pants” she started but he didn’t let her finish, moving above her to tug at her pants, taking them off all the way.

She smiled looking down, he was kissing up her legs. Her hands reached his head, pushing her fingers through his still sweaty locks. Once again, his hands couldn’t have enough, short nails digging in her thighs and going up to meet her panties.

He flattened his large palm on her underwear, covering it totally with a smirk she didn’t know yet on his face. She felt small, he felt even bigger.

“Can I touch you ?” he almost groaned against the shivering skin of her thigh.

“Please do” she nodded, shyly spreading her legs.

Of course he was talking about this part of her, he had already touched all the rest….

His hand didn’t leave her panties going down between her thighs when he could, feeling her folds through the white fabric.

And the little stars multiplied.

She arched her back, her core tightening in an exquisite pressure. She gasped in a jerk of her thighs, surprised that touches so soft could bring a pleasure so intense. She had never known that. She was aware of everything that was Dean on her, all her senses high on him, and her body reacting to the electricity roaming her whole body.

Love, she thought. It was love making her insides burst in such delicious flames.

“Oh wow” he groaned. “You’re soaking those poor panties.”

And the new grin she had just discovered appeared on his lips again. The tiny stars were now numerous enough to make the ceiling look like a clear summer night.

His lips travelled up to her lower stomach, his nose tickling the skin here while his lips feisted on it.

“Firefly…” he whispered before his bright white teeth caught the hem of her underwear, to drag it down with him.

She needed him. She painfully needed to feel him, close wasn’t enough, he had to be inside of her.

So she sat with her legs on both sides of his strong thighs, making him sit back on his ankles, his knees digging on the mattress, and grabbed his face to kiss him, to feel her hero anywhere she could. He seemed to need the same thing : his arms grasped her ass cheek, carrying her up his thighs to rest on his crotch.

She moaned loud when she felt him, so hard, pressed against her bare folds.

“I need you” she whined. “Dean, I need you so much.”

“I got you” his voice was deep and warm, his parted lips leaving a layer of steam all over her neck.

They were both too eager to wait a second more.

Dean held her strongly with one arm while he almost got on his knees, pushing his pajama pants down with the other hand before he sat on his ankles again.

She looked down, her delicate hand reaching between them to wrap around him. He was hard and twitching, but his skin was soft.

“Yes…” he moaned.

“I need you” she just repeated while he was panting against her shoulder.

Saying that, she lifted her hips slightly and lined him with her to slowly sink on him.

“Fuck…” he groaned when the head of his cock entered her and kept gasping and moaning as she took more and more of him.

She hummed at the stretch of him inside of her, her walls throbbing softly to adjust.

The little stars started to fill the room a little more, like hundreds of fireflies surrounding them. But, even if they acknowledged them, they both were too engrossed in each other to really pay attention.

Y/n breathed out in relief, like she had needed Dean inside of her as much as she had needed air all this time. Her head fell back when her pelvis reached his, filled so completely by him.

“Firefly” he moaned, like it was now the only word he knew.

His hands, still holding her ass cheek, grasped her tighter and moved her on him, making her grind on him hard.

“AH !” she cried out at the pressure on her clit mixed with his cock moving against her walls.

Her hips started to move along with his hands, in back and forth moves, in circles, until he started trusting up in a trail of growls and she couldn’t move anymore, holding on to him, kissing and licking his neck with a raging hunger.

Hearing his groans and moans, she looked up to look at him, to actually see what pleasure looked like on a man she had seen suffer beyond everything. And it was beautiful.

More than the stars and the sea, more than snow in the trees… It was more beautiful than all she had dreamed of when longing for life.

The expression on his face could have been confused with pain, but Y/n knew better. His mouth was open and his eyebrows were up above his nose, and the little stars were reflecting in his eyes.

Bending on her, he caught her lips, trying to kiss her during their speeding dance, and failing to just pant loudly in her mouth.

Her whole body was shaking with pleasure, she could feel every inch of him deep inside of her, and her body react to it. Her skin was on fire. In a loud whimper, she let her head fall on his shoulder, her fingers sliding along his sweaty neck.

“Look at me” he said. “Firefly, look at me.”

With great effort, she looked up, resting her forehead on his, unable to focus on anything else than the orgasm preparing to hit like lightning inside her core.

She had felt pleasure before, and even came a few times, but what was growing inside of her was way more powerful than anything she had known…

And when it blew up, she silently screamed, her whole body falling back on the mattress as she clenched around Dean, her thighs shaking, her arms limply falling above her head. He was still trusting inside of her, holding her hips up on him.

“OH FUCK” he groaned after a few sharper thrusts.

His hips jerked and his stomach and thighs trembled when he came, falling too above her. He caught his body on his arm to avoid crushing her, keeping her up on his lap with the other hand to not slip out of her body just yet.

“Firefly” he murmured again, in the aftershock of his own orgasm.

“Dean” she answered in her high.

Her fingers went up, wiping the golden dust, vestiges of the little stars’s explosion, off his shoulder, a lazy smile on her face.

After a minute, he carefully moved next to her in a grunt, slipping out to lay on his side toward her. She stayed on her back, in the same position she had fallen too, only her head turned to him to give him a large smile.

“You’re covered in gold” he chuckled softly.

“You too” she reached his head to shuffle his hair, but it was too wet and she only spreaded the dust on it. “Oh oops.”

His eyes were glowing with joy, roaming her face, a small smile hanging on his lips.

She enjoyed every second of this peaceful moment, knowing too well that it couldn’t last. Dean was a complex man, hurt and abandoned too often, he wouldn’t let go to a peaceful tenderness so easily.

What she hadn’t anticipated was how fast his defences would grow back… His smile faded and the bliss vanished from his face. Something she didn’t like shadowed his features : Guilt.

“Firefly…” he sighed.

“I know, Dean” she cut him. “This was one time. This was to feel better. A good moment in a harsh life.”

She didn’t want him to feel guilty because of her. He cupped her face and pecked her lips before he grabbed the band of his pants to put it up.

“Do you want me to leave ?” she asked very low.

“No” he shook his head right away. “No stay… I didn’t say that to… you know, but just so you don’t imagine that I… I just… can’t really be with someone, and you… We… are complicated.”

She nodded and turned to her side to take him in her arms, nuzzling on his chest. She could wait for him all her life, she could even wait for something that would never come, that didn’t frighten her.

“Fall back asleep” she said. “I’m chasing the demons.”

Dean’s Pov

He held her close as he watched her sleep. A little smile on his face as he was drawing patterns in the golden dust that covered her entire body. She was so precious to him. She was too good for this dark and rotten world.

She was too good for him…

He had never felt this way about someone, this intense feeling, as if all the little stars that flew over his head mere hours ago were now blooming in his chest. But this life didn’t allow those kinds of feelings.

A deep sigh left his mouth as he thought of all the people that used to be close to him. Charlie, Kevin, Bobby, Jo, Ellen,... so many of them had met a merciless fate because of him.

Because he was poisonous. He would never let that happen to her.

He looked down at her as he felt her nuzzle deeper in his chest. It was then that he promised himself he would do anything to protect his Firefly. Even if that meant breaking his own heart, because after all...

Wasn’t he the biggest danger for her ?

(Next and last chapter on @roonyxx blog last week)

________________________

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katherinewilliams221b · 4 years ago

Text

For A Greater Good Fun Facts and Self Assesment (spoilers)

Long Post

What worked and what didn’t:

I think the overall structure worked pretty well. The most difficult part was, with the plot and subplot already created, scattering all those ideas throughout the text in such a way that at least made some sense. I regret not writing more about Mer Yankelevich, I feel like the crumbs I left on the way were not enough; in my attempt to make it subtle it lacked information about her. The key piece was of course her sister, and I should have introduced her sooner.

MC’s evolution. I feel like Kate’s learnt a lot with this experience (I’m not only referring to the Deathly Hallows or Grindelwald) When it started, she was very discreet and kept a low profile, not knowing what to do really, not taking more risks than necessary. And then she ended poisoned and splinching just to protect a document she thought was important. I hope her evolution is noticeable for the reader.

Worldbuilding. Grabbing HP concepts that were forgotten and full of potential, plus a dash of original ideas from me and blending them with muggle features was my absolute favourite part of the process.

On that note, I dont own these concepts: Durmstrang, Igor Karkarov, Nerida Vulchanova, umbrella flowers, fanged geraniums, billywigs, Appare Vestigium, glow-worms, trick wand, chamaleon ghouls,

If you’ve read the fic and thought: “everything happened so fast” or got a general odd feeling about the timeline it's because I made a series of monumental mistakes: setting a chapter limit, telling you about it and then tried to stick to it. At first the idea sounded nice: this is my first “big” story with complicated components. I should (and I did) do an outline of what I want to happen in each chapter and stick to it methodically so I don't forget what's happening or lose track of the plot. Well...it kind of backfired. So I wrote the first 3 chapters and at that point I thought “okay everything is going as planned, I’m going to put it out there”, bam, instantly cursed. After that it got ridiculously difficult to make the story that I wanted. Why? I needed chapter space that I convinced myself I couldn’t add. Dumb.

The major consequence of this was the lack of character backgrounds. It started out good, but as I kept writing and publishing I realised that I missed some great opportunities to make amazing ocs. That’s Corentin’s fault in a way: he wasn't going to be a major character, really, just a piece to help Kate a bit. But we all fell in love with him so what was I supposed to do? Also, Sheyi Mawut owns my heart and he got just a bit of spotlight. A shame.

I wish I had written more about them, but I think I wasn’t ready just yet to make it even more complicated.I just wanted to prove I could concoct a mystery plot and now that I know I can manage a fair amount of information I think I can take it a step further and deepen new ocs a little bit more.

I’m thinking about the datura series and I know why I got blocked and tired of writing it; it wasnt going anywhere because I wasnt prepared, and I didn’t do the months of outlines and planning that I did with this one. I’ll come back to the datura story one day, subjecting it to a sever rewrite. The ideas are there, I just need to be organised.

Although the chapter limit was problematic it was also a good exercise of managing space and deciding which things were unnecessary for the story. I dont think there’s any filler chapters, perhaps the last ones, but there is important information there too so... However this sentence from the blog wordsandstuff reassured me (and I think I did a good job at that?)

If you set out to write 10 parts and you write a fantastic story in 8, you haven’t failed and it’s not too rushed. Concise writing is an underrated talent. Focus on how effectively you engage the reader, not for how long.

I spent more than year writing this! When I started, I had a lot of ideas, I wrote the last two chapters then the first 3 and I really thought it was going to be that way with the rest of the story... okay... lesson learnt. #humbled

Other thoughts:

I received a couple of comments on ao3 that said that they were pleasantly surprised. Maybe I should change the tags because they are misleading? Clearly this wasnt what people were looking for lol.

One particular comment stood out to me and quoting it said: “You did not choose the easy way with a fiction with so few characters from the fandom.” And I’ve been thinking about this since I read it. It didn’t occur to me that there were few mystery fics (maybe I should write more things like that? Maybe throwing some power couple detective work 👀 ) In any case, I’m glad I contributed with something different to the fandom, and the fact that the Charlie bits are very scarce but people who read it still liked it is really flattering.

I wanted to make sure that all the characters had strengths and flaws, I didnt want to severus-snape them so maybe I overdid it with that bit of introspection kate does at the end...

Also, I did the kiss and fade thing twice to mention sex. I know some people dont like that but since it wasnt the point of the story and I havent done research on how to write sex scenes I didnt include them. I have that on my “to learn” list.

Conclusions:

Writing the whole thing was incredible. It's my first ‘big’ project and its not a great work (there are some things I wish I did better, thats what you get when you are an agatha christie wannabe) and not writing more character backgrounds will haunt me to this day, but I think it's at least good for a first series and I’m proud of it. I loved spending hours doing research and trying to piece together this puzzle. And of course I’m not an expert and I dont want to sound pretentious (like this is my first story) but if you are planning to write this type of genre I can be another source of tips and tricks for you.

If I read the story after a while and I dont cringe, I would call that a success.

FUN? FACTS!

Bakunawa really belongs to Filippines mythology

Snapdragons have different meanings, one of them being: “grace under pressure or inner strength in trying circumstances”

The entrance to Grindelwald’s room was going to be in the duelling classroom, strangely shaped as a triangle. I had this system where one of the round candle lamps descended and lined up with a line on the floor (serving as separation for duels) it created the Deathly Hallows symbol. I couldn’t make that work because it wouldn't make any sense for Nerida Vulchanova to shape a room like that. Here are some sketches:

Lucius Malfoy was going to appear as the Ministry employee that goes to Durmstrang, but after revising the events of the OoP I realised it was impossible.

Kent Jorgensen was going to be around Kate’s age and the charms teacher and he would have a small crush on her. After seeing some pics of Pen Medina, I rewrote the character completely.

The series was going to be 6 chapters long (I’m glad I decided not to) one for each month. The chapter names were ridiculous: January of Beginnings, February of reputation, March of Students, April of Discoveries, May I? and June of Endings. #tragic

The Dolohov family was going to be a part of the plot but I had to erase that part because it was unlocking another layer of complexity that I just couldnt handle.

I dont remember exactly the chapter but I got really confused with the names Rhode and Hodges and there’s one chapter where I accidentally mixed them (I corrected it I think), but for a while I could stop calling Rhode, Hodges, and vice versa lmao

Here are some sketches that helped me describe and imagine things

Thank you for accompany me in this journey, especially if you endured the process with me lmao. You’ve been here for over A YEAR! <3 Mindblowing

Also I’d love to know your opinions about the way you read the story, I mean, I know some people read it as I published, and some other readers found the story already finished, what are the differences? Should I stop the updating system and drop a story all at once? I know it is difficult to keep up with a complex story if there’s a lot of weekly or monthly gaps between the chapters, so I wanted to know.

Sending you a virtual hug 💜💜

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wlw-lovestruck-fiction · 4 years ago

Note

This is the last ask ill send because im honestly tired of this whole thing

I dont know why you brought up the anon hate you got when that’s no part of the discussion. Even if it isnt your intention, you’re making yourself out of to be the victim when you arent. You say you want to get better but each time something gets pointed out you get on the defensive. I dont know why you decided to bring it up, but now that you have: Piama is indeed whitewashed on your drawing. “Warm lighting” doesnt change peoples undertones like that. Compare it to Piama’s last two cgs if you really don’t believe me.

Even if you aren’t affected, you need to be able to recognize it without poc having to tell you in order to be a good ally. I wouldn’t want a straight friend that lets people make homophobic comments about me in their presence and then hear them say “it doesn’t affect me so i couldnt tell it was homophobic so thats why i didnt defend you”. If you aren’t able to recognize it then you’ll inevitably repeat the same rhetoric. Racist rhetoric is everywhere and spewed every single day so you cant expect poc to be with you all the time and take you by the hand to tell you whats racist or not. Those are the reasons why you need to learn how to identify it by yourself, be listening to poc, by developing critical thinking skills, by not surrounding yourself with only white people. If not there’ll be more unchallenged asks such as one i saw recently that pinned poc that complained about yet another white route “stupid because they dont get that lovestruck releases routes by demand”. As if we have no concept of nuance.

No one is obliged to accept an apology, especially after what happened. I dont know where you got that idea from, especially when it concerns something that hurts people this deeply. And I didn’t point it out what happened just to be petty, I pointed it out because it isn’t an isolated event but a pattern of behavior of unchecked racist comments. That was simply the worst case: It was handled poorly, considering mod viv herself never apologized and again, swept it under the rug. The apology I saw from mod wrath was vague, didnt address the situation directly, was posted on this blog so no one knew what was going on, and was later deleted. So yeah she can apologize ten times and it still doesn’t mean we have to accept it. Especially if it’s that catastrophic because it looks like its more about saving face rather than feeling remorse, even if she did feel bad. You’re too eager to call it just “a mistake” and pin me as the unreasonable one.

And I want to ask you, have you truly seen with your own eyes an interaction where someone said to the other “if you like vinca you’re racist” and was completely serious?Or have you heard it from someone else saying that they were told that? Because considering that other anon watering down a woc’s criticism of lovestruck as “she doesnt like white people or this blog” then yeah i wouldn’t trust anything else coming from their mouths. People are getting too pressed over the millionth white woman in the app. Hell even if it happened, it’s probably what, one, two people? But you’re lumping all of us together as if its been a wave of saying that. The valid criticism surrounding Vinca is interconnected with Nahara’s release (one of the few dark-skinned women in the app) considering people kept saying they’d rather have a Vinca route when Nahara’s was announced. They’re not even willing to support it just because they want Vinca’s and that sends a message to voltage. So it simply doesnt boil down to “well its a difference in personalities”. Im gonna go as far as to say that if a woc had the same attitude as Vinca, people wouldnt be frothing at the mouth for her or they’d delve into the realm of fetishizing (as some people are bordering the line with Piama). But thats a whole other topic. And since people want to act stupid: all of the white characters in lovestruck are white because voltage made them that way. They could’ve quite easily made them a poc, but they rarely do. Think about what that means then, if youre really trying to defend yourself by saying “well they put out whats popular”

Lastly, you should really evaluate the content and beliefs you put out when racist people are still comfortable following and interacting with you. This is why i want this discussion to be public: your followers need to read this and apply it to themselves. Because considering the amount of anon hate you said you got yesterday towards the other blogger, theres a bunch of your followers who need to get off their phones and learn to care about other people and stop being racist assholes.

Believe me, I’m tired of it as well.

I brought up the anon hate because I didn’t want you to wonder why I was posting your asks in this form.

And no. Piama is not whitewashed. I took a dropper tool and took the color directly from her sprite, and if you’d looked at my blog, you would’ve seen that I sent screenshots as proof in response to that ask. But you obviously didn’t, so I’ll send them here again. (1. Without lighting. 2. With Lighting.)

If you still don’t believe me, you’re welcome to call me on Discord and I’ll share my screen and show you the entire process. And as an artist: You’d be fucking surprised what lighting does to colors.

Well, yes, I need to be able to recognize it indeed. The thing is: I can’t always. I try my best on this, and there will be moments and issues that will come up, mistakes I will make because I’m not perfect and not a machine. And in those moments, I’d love to have a friend that affectionately slaps me and says “JD, that was shit.” So I can apologize and notice it the next time. I have had multiple friends be transphobic to me in certain ways. I’ve informed them about it. They apologized and haven’t done it since. We’re still friends to this day. I do try to educate myself on racism and put in some work. I don’t expect POC to do all the work for me and explain to me how to be an ally correctly, and still - I hope they help me just as I help my cis friends with trans stuff. I can’t magically change all my behaviors and overcome internalized societal racism with the snap of a finger. If I could, I fucking would have already done it multiple times. The way it is, I’m working on it. Again - I’m sorry I didn’t point out the racist comment in the ask. I should’ve done that, and I’ll make sure to do it in the future.

You’re right no one is obliged to accept an apology. You’re right this hurts people deeply. And as I said - Mod Wrath apologized three times, including one on her personal blog which was a lot less vague. Mod Viv also apologized - to the person in question, in private. Just because you didn’t see it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. And the thing is - if you refuse to accept her apology, that’s one thing and fully your right. And the thing is: If an apology is not going to make you forgive her, if ten are not, what do you need in order to forgive? Will you never forgive? Will you always argue it’s going to be an apology to save face when you don’t know the fact she does feel remorse? How will you see that she does?

I did hear the Vinca thing from a friend of mine. Whom I trust. Because seriously, why would you make things like that up? Who would even get the idea? I’m against the idea of believing my friends would lie to me for attention or whatever. And yeah, the criticism of that anon was unfitting - I’ve visited the blog they claimed was doing that and I found nothing of the sorts, so that comment was unfitting unless I missed something. I never intended to say that it’s all of you saying that. I intended to say that some people are handling the issue wrong. I’m sorry it came off that way. I do believe though that it’s people’s full right to say they’d have preferred Vinca over Nahara. I would’ve preferred Vinca. I still read Nahara tho. However, it’s not yours to dictate which routes other people have to support and which not. I will however agree with you that people should give Nahara a chance - it’s quite the sweet story. And I for my part would enjoy a POC Vinca just as much as a white one. (Also, side note, you’re making it appear as if everyone would either fetishize or rage over her, which is very much putting all of the “white” fanbase into the same bag, the same thing you critizised me for earlier. It’s understandable from a psychological point of view, tho, so I’m not gonna comment further.)

Yeah, Voltage makes the characters white, and that’s an issue people can only fix by demanding more POC in the ask posts and comments. Which many do, btw. They put out what is popular indeed, they put out what is demanded, and I fucking demand more POC. I want it. They could’ve made so many LIs POC and they haven’t and I’m fucking unhappy about it too! I’m not even trying to say anything else.

Yes, making this public to arouse thinking is a good policy. The followers need to read this indeed. And we didn’t get anon hate for the other blogger. We got anon hate towards us. Tons. Comments that went as far as telling mods to kill themselves. And while I agree with lots of the things you say - some of the ways you’re acting actively spark this type of hate. There is being loud about the issues you face, and then there is calling people racist assholes based on a comment they made instead of talking to them personally and telling them that’s not okay, giving them the chance to improve themselves instead of always having them stamped as a racist. Just because you’re the one who’s hurt, the one who’s morally correct, does not mean anything you say or do is good behavior.

You told me I whitewashed Piama when you, with a minute of research, could’ve found proof I didn’t. You obviously wanted the internet to see, maybe hoped I’d get exposed? Could I get an apology for that? And I promise, I’ll accept it because I’m willing to believe you’re a good person.

Summary of everything:

You’re right with lots of things.

I behaved wrong and I’m sorry.

Lovestruck has an issue with racism that we need to change together.

Together. Without toxic behavior from any side.

- Mod JD

#Anonymous

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justalitlecreacher · 4 years ago

Text

I’m here to prove that Andrew Garfield’s portrayal of Spider-man/peter parker in The Amazing Spider-Man is objectively the best love action adaptation of the character. In this essay I will....(yes this is really happening)

Edit: 10/20/20- i want to indulge myself in spiderman content but finding non mcu spiderman content is exhausting so imma update this instead

TL;DR

Andrew Garfield is my favorite of the 3 Spider-Man actors. TAS’s Peter is more fun and dynamic than the cookie cutter “shy introverted nerd that has a crush on a girl who’s way out of his league” Peter in Tobey Maguire’s movies. I enjoy Tom Holland’s portrayal of the character, but hate the way Disney has written the movies. I enjoy the characters, plot, and humor of The Amazing Spider-Man far more than the other 2, and i deeply wish we had gotten the third movie with the canon BIder-Man of Andrew’s (and my) dreams.

[DISCLAIMER: I HAVE NOT SEEN THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN 2 OR ANY MCU SPIDERMAN MOVIES OUTSIDE OF CLIPS AND REVIEWS ITS ALSO BEEN A VERY HOT MINUTE SINCE IVE SEEN A TOBEY MAGUIRE MOVIE]

Characterization

Most arguments against Andrew Garfield’s Spidey( AG’s from now on) begin and ends with “he was a good Spider-Man but a bad Peter Parker”. This references an outdated post comparing all three Spidey actors.(Id attach the image here but i dont want the post to be too long(thats a lie this is so long what am i doing with my life)) The post also claims that Tobey played a good Peter and a poor Spidey; and that Tom is good at both “roles”.(Honestly I think it seems silly that this seems obey the “third time’s the charm” rule but thats just me). Most people using this seem to be Tobey stans who have forgotten or ignored the rest of the post funnily enough, but the ones that go further into the WHY AG is a poor Peter are also incorrect. This argument also ignores the idea that there can be more than one version of Peter Parker which is blatantly incorrect. Just look at Into the Spiderverse or the PS4 game; these provide 4(5 if you count the pig) versions of Peter themselves, and that doesnt even include the comics.

Arguments that go further in depth claim that the AS Peter is too cool or well liked by his peer to be a “true” Peter Parker. The evidence for this seems to be that Peter has a skateboard.(which what? didnt realize that having a skateboard would instantly make you cool brb guys). Adding to that i dont really see where people get the idea that Peter is popular or well liked. While looking for complaints i found this qutoe from reddit(theyve since deleted it looks like but i’ll add a link in the notes) “He's angsty, pretty socially awkward, has an aptitude for science, and is kind of an outsider. He gets bullied by Flash and he gets his ass kicked after trying to stand up to Flash. He isn't a "cool" person in any way (until the ending, in which he's best buds with Flash, so I'll give you that). While Maguire is more accurate to the 60s comics where Peter in high school is just a fucking loser with basically no friends, in the ultimate comics, Peter is more of the kid who has a small amount of friends, but isn't popular.”. Honesty i fully agree with this because once again, other versions of a character are allowed to exist. You can dislike one version, but its silly to dislike something for not being exactly like another thing.

Ive also heard that Peter isnt “nerdy enough” in this movie which really doesnt make any sense considering the entire plot happens because Peter was looking into some of his parents’ research. If he wasn't interested in looking further into his father’s work what reason would he have to go to Oscorp where he’s bitten by the spider? Why would he have become Dr. Conner’s assistant? If he wasn’t intelligent how did he develop the web shooters?(something that Tobey!Peter doesn't have to do out of plot convenience might i add).

Another complaint i see is that the quips he uses in the movie(the first one specifically it seems) makes him seem like an asshole. Honestly thats a fair complaint, but i think its a good bit of characterization; espcially if he does get better about it in the second movie like the internet suggests.The Peter in this movie is a rightfully angsty teen; of course he acts a bit of an ass to criminals(also i feel like its important to mention that he’s like that to criminals? its not like hes being a dick for no reason).

Compare this with the Tobey Maguire(TM) movies. Like i said i haven’t seen these in awhile but as far as i’m aware TM’s Peter doesn't really do anything particularly nerdy in the film? I may have forgotten something( ok in the scene before he gets bitten he knows a cool spider fact) but he doesn’t have to invent the web-shooters because they came with his powers and he’s only at Oscorp in the first place because it’s a school field trip that he appears to be taking photos for. This Peter does fit the definition of outcast(friendless and bullied for it), but honestly i just dont like him. He’s weird and something about the character makes me feel like i should be a little grossed out every time he looks at MJ at the beginning of the movie.

I honestly don’t have any complaints for Tom Holland’s(TH’s)Spidey. Tom is a great actor and from what ive seen i enjoy his portrayal of the character.( He made me cry when i character i actively dislike died).

Story

I cant really say much for TAS story. It’s interesting but nothing special really. However, there is one scene that i don’t think i’ve seen anything like since( the closest would probably be the train scene in the original trilogy).

The crane scene. Early in the film Peter saves a boy from a car that has fallen off of a bridge, and at the end of the movie this becomes relevant again when it is uncertain that Peter will be able to get to the lizard to stop him in time.(as Peter is already injured and pretty far from the lizard’s location). The boy’s father is then revealed to be a construction worker who recognizes that Spider-man is going to need help to get to the lizard; he remembers how Spider-Man saved his son and organizes the rest of the construction workers to build a path out of crane arms for SM to swing from. All of them are putting themselves in danger by not evacuating, but SM’s actions in the first act of the film motivate them to do what’s right.

I love this scene primarily because it highlights something that i think is a really important part of Spider-Man’s character; his connection to the people he saves. SM is often shown interacting with and chatting with the people he has saved after the fact. One comic shows Peter accidentally scaring some bullies and then taking the time to ride the bus to school with them to continue their conversation and educate the students on bullying.( There’s definitely more but this is off the top of my head).

Another scene in TAS that i love is shortly before the crane scene when Peter is originally attempting to make his way across the city to stop the lizard, and he is shot down by the police. They manage to unmask him before Peter comes to his senses( he had just been shot and fallen pretty far out of the sky in his defense). From there Peter is able to deal with the police while keeping any of them from getting a good look at his face. The one cop he cant take out happens to be Gwen Stacey’s father who had previously had an argument with Peter about Spider-Man(Peter obviously on SM’s side and Mr. Stacey against SM). Peter turns and allows Captain(?) Stacey to see his face. I believe that this is an example of an unwilling identity reveal done right. i really enjoyed this moment because Peter had just shown that he likely could have gotten out of this encounter with his identity in tact as he had just taken down however many men. This implies that it was an active choice on Peter’s end to trust that Captain Stacey would ultimately do the right thing and allow Peter to go fight the Lizard, rather than a final desperate attempt to get away unscathed. Whether or not this interpretation of the scene is correct or not it still gives the character a bit more agency than some versions have done with their identity reveals.

In Spider-Man 2 Peter starts to lose his powers because he’s having internal conflict about wether or not he should be Spider-Man. Honestly thats kinda neat and i might want to give that a rewatch. As for the one i have seen i don’t have any complaints. I do however prefer the way that Peter was bitten in TAS because it was a result of him poking around where he shouldn’t’ve been rather than him just happening to be standing in the right place for a spider to land on him.

Onto TH’s movies; the way Disney has treated Spidey in the MCU is why TH’s is my least favorite version of the character. I feel like too much of the story revolves around Iron Man; Iron Man made Peter’s suit and equipment, Iron Man introduces Peter to the MCU(via blackmail but thats another rant for another annoyingly long post), its Iron Man that “makes” Spidey in this universe rather than Spidey being self-made. In Homecoming(which remember i havent seen outside of clips so bear with me) most of the conflict is cause directly or indirectly by Tony’s refusal or inabilty to communicate with the teenager he’s meant to be mentoring

For one the entire incident with the ferry could have very easily been avoided had Tony bothered to communicate with Peter enough to tell him that the situation was being taken care of. On top of that at the moive’s climax Peter is shown trying to get in contact with Happy(from what ive picked up isnt he a chauffeur? like idk his deal i just know he’s someone Peter got pawned off onto after Civil War). Peter even goes as far as to somehow hack into Happy’s phone(i think thats what happened it was a weird tech thing that shouldve been a red flag that the call was important though) but instead of listening; Peter is ignored. If this was a different kind of movie Peter literally could have died and itd be the fault of Happy and Tony like..... A large portion of conflict comes from characters being incompetent and not communicating and thats just poor storytelling.

Before this turns too much into an anti mcu rant id also like to say that the way they did Civil War was really dumb considering that Peter defects to Cap’s side in the comics, but whatever.

Also i loathe the way they handled the identity reveal at the end of Far From Home. With MCU movies most people know to expect an end credits scene by now, but typically that scene is not important to understand what’s happening in the films; they just aren’t important. Putting an identity reveal here makes it seem significantly less important than it is. On top of that i dislike their use of J Jonah Jameson for this scene.

JJJ is a character who has been repeatedly shown to have a genuinely good heart. All of his anger comes from a place of love for his city(he even says this hemself in the ps4 game when May writes in to tell him that he needs help). He hates Spider-Man because SM reminds him of the masked man who killed his wife; JJJ has never been able to get past that( and Peter’s antagonism of him definitely doesnt help) However, JJJ has been shown to care for people; he has a son who he often brags about, and one comic shows that JJJ is paying Peter for “amateur” quality photos because he knows that Peter is having a hard time and “just need some help”. JJJ has even learned Peter’s identity before and kept his secret for him(seriously though i cant remember the name of the comic but its defiantly worth the read), and in the original trilogy when Goblin threatens JJJ he claims that he doesn’t know who sends in the photos of Spidey because he does it via email( this is a lie). The MCU will have a very difficult time convincing me that JJJ would ever out a teenager’s identity and put him in danger like that. It goes too far against his character.(this could be hypocritical of me to say considering how i just insisted that multiple versions of a character can exist but whatever ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

This is accidentally turning into an MCU rant but id also like to say that i hate the lack of a TH!Spidey origin movie because it gives you no motivaion for Peter becoming SM or explanation of his powers; most people will know these things but if youre unfamiliar with the character its bound to be confusing(and im a sucker for origin movies)

#long post #spiderman #andrew garfield #The Amazing Spider Man #mcu crit #j jonah jameson #can you tell i care a lot?#cause i do #rant #ramble #this was not proofred #like at all #see theres a typo in that tag!#i would apologize but im not sorry

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rahimaldemir · 5 years ago

Text

Dying Light 2 - Q&A

In the official Dying Light discord one of the representatives, Uncy, from Techland held a q&a session during E3 2019 and I took the time to copy everything down. There were a lot of questions asked, but I only copied down the ones that were answered.

Uncy said they were going to post a FAQ with all of these questions and I’ll make sure to link it when they do. As of right now, I don’t think it has been released.

A lot of people were typing during the session and unfortunately a lot of questions got repeated. There is also a decent amount of typos in these questions, but it felt important to keep the Q&A session in an honest a form as possible, so I have not corrected any typos or omitted any duplicate questions.

I did add a “Q” and “A” to the beginning of every question and answer for clarity. Uncy used emojis sometimes in their answers, but I did not copy those over if they weren’t text emojis.

I have put my own notes in [italicized brackets].

WARNING: There are huge spoilers for The Following in these questions, they are marked to make them easier to avoid, but please be wary.

@tafferfield I know you got a pretty wicked master list of DL2 stuff, so if any of this helps you feel free to grab it and add it.

Putting under a read more because this is long:

Q: Are all current zombies considered volatiles? A: Not really, there are still regular zombies and volatiles

Q: Zombies only exit the night? A: now that's a hard one, zombies can stay outside for some time during the day but they get weak IN THE SUN

Q: How much diffrent endings are there? A: About endings - more than one, don't want to spoil it

Q: Battle royale mode? A: no BR mode

Q: Are you able to clear the city of zombies? A: Basically human learned how to deal with infection, so the more humans the less zombies

Q: how does Aiden stop from turning? does he use antizin or something else A: antizine is finished but human discovered that strong UV light weakens the infection, that's why you have the biomarker

Q: Is Aiden a foreigner to the land like Crane? A: Aiden doesn't even know Crane exists Q: I meant is Aiden from around there or did he come from somewhere else A: he's not from the city, he's an outsider

Q: What are future plans for multiplayer? A: multiplayer wise - we have some stuff coming apart from co-op, but I can't really share multiplayer details now

Q: Will there be a fallout kind of karma system? A: karma system? nope but your choices and actions will affect how people see you

Q: How long will one playthrough of the game be? A: hard to tell, but i know that dl2 will be a game for a long time

Q: Will dying light 2 feature the same great ragdoll physics as the first. A: upgraded ones

Q: Will the game be translated into Brazilian Portuguese as the first? A: more languages will come, cant really tell for now

Q: Can we expect to see actual time sensitive activities within the game? (IE: Do this now or forever lose the chance) A: Yes, but its more like choice wise, like do one thing and u will never be able to do another

Q: Will you play Dying Light 2 with me on release ;d? A: why not

Q: Will Aiden be customizable (e.g. hair, individual clothing pieces,etc) A: yup there will be customization

Q: Is there a weapon combo system? A: what do you mean by that? Q: Like a combo like last game you could spam attack and hold it for a more powerful attack, I'm asking if you can combo attacks like 2 quick attacks and then a charged attack or stuff like that [This question never actually got fully answered]

Q: Did anything replace the grappling hook. Did it change in anyway? A: there's a grappling hook - and some more options to travel cause the city is huge {you will be able to upgrade them}

[SPOILERS FOR THE FOLLOWING]

Q:if the vial ending from the following is canon (if the following is canon) is crane a Volatile?

A: in some way - both are canon. It's up to the player to choose it Q: will Crane make an appearance or not. If you cant answer then atleast say which ending is canon A: not really

[END SPOILERS]

Q: Will the game launch with any DLC's? A: i dont think it will launch with dlc's but post release support is planned

Q: The last trailer showed working vehicles, will we be able to use some? A: Yes

Q: How many different kinds weapons are there (number) A: too many to mention, we're still adding more weapons

Q: is it sticking with the old crafting system or are y'all switching it up A: crafting system is upgraded a little

Q: are in dying light 2 developer tools having the chance to make custom movements and animations? A: I don't really have info about dev tools right now

Q: Are firearms coming back ? A: No guns, no firearms - but there will be distance weapons like crossbows

Q: do we gain strength or anything when nighs fall? since we are infected A: during the night you need to use UV lights to stop the infection, you wont get stronger

Q: is the choices you make permanant (one save only) or can you save and go back? A: you can save and go back on some difficulties

Q: Czy będzie drzewko umiejetnosci tak jak w 1 ? A: tak

Q: Is the max number in a party still going to be 4 or will more team members be able to join in co-op multiplayer, if there is any. A: 4 player coop

Q: is there a system where our beard can grow out and cut it same with hair like rdr2 asked a few times chat just to fast lol A: hmm, i don't think so

Q: Can you turn into a zombie if you dont pay enough attention to your wristband? A: that's still under discussion, i don't think you will be able to play as a zombier tho

Q: When the game releases, are you able to link your old account from DL1 to get rewards? A: we wont forget about dl1 owners

Q: will you be able to upgrade/modify tools like grappling hook and the UV flashlight? A: yes, tools will be upgradeables

Q: are we going to have trading cards to craft badges on steam with dying light 2? A: Yup

Q: Will the UI be changed completely, both in-game, etc? A: there will be some changes for sure, i dont know how hard tho

Q: How many skill trees are there, and are they any more complex? A: you can upgrade a lot of stuff now

Q: Are ranged weapons going to be as powerful as they were in DL1 or is it a bit more balanced A: there are no guns, so its balanced

Q: I wonder if we will see some more gameplay (apart from the trailer) from E3? A: something will come this month

Q: what are the main factions in dying light 2? A: Peacekeepers and scavengers - those are two main factions, but there are more

Q: Who is the girl in the trailer? A: that's actually one of our employees but for now all I can say that she's singing in one of the bars in the city

Q: Has the infection gone worldwide A: yup

[SPOILERS FOR THE FOLLOWING]

Q: What happened to kyle crane? Will he have anything to do with the game

A: he ded

[END SPOILERS]

Q: will there be an enhanced edition or any other editions or just the normal one? A:there will be different editions - more details coming soon

Q: Will some weapons from Dying Light 2 (before release) be added in Dying Light? A: watch the trailer closely

Q: Are you taking in any alpha testers any time soon? If so I would like to be the first volunteer. A: there are no tests planned for now

Q: Referencing the Trailer, will we have the ability to choose our siding, survivor or what seem to be the "law"? A: its all up to you and your decisions!

Q: during the first game the side quests were some of the most amazing in the whole game, my question is, will those little side quests be present in the second game as well and will they also impact the game A: Yeah! side quests will be there and there wont be just easy fetch quests, but rather a small stories on their own

Q:There's a post. On twitter(?) That mentions something like "as Aiden you can do things no one elese can" Does that mean there will be benefits in having your infected level reach a certain level? A: Aiden is simply well prepared to live in The City - that's all I can tell right now

Q: Will there be new skill trees or the same ones? A: would be weird to put in the same skill trees

Q: can you upgrade parts of the town? and is roger smith coming back for Voice acting A: depends what do you mean, if you help certain people by your actions or choices, they will start to build stuff like bridges, farms etc which will help you, they will also get rid of the zombies from buildings etc

Q: Is it possible, that BTZ will be in Dying Light 2? A: possible but not confirmed

Q: can we get the song from the trailer? its sick A: I think i got the name somewhere, ill add it to faq [Couldn’t find Uncy’s link, but I was able to find two of the three soundtracks featured in trailers on youtube: Help I’m Alive and Crimson Blaze & Battlefields]

Q: Please dont add lootboxes A: Cmon

Q: Why can't we pre-order A: cause we don't have all the editions ready yet

Q: got 2 questions: - Will we have a season pass for a limited time just like in Dying Light so we can get the DLCs for free? - can us console players please get a fov slider A: 1.There will be a season pass 2. I'll let the devs know about fov slider

Q: Will there be a new type of villain like Rais? A: nothing is white or black in The City

Q: Will it be the same loot system or a loot system at all? A: what do you mean by loot system? like those crates etc? Q: I'm referring to weapons and stuff like that. A: then I don't really know, afaik it got changed a little

Q: Can we expect to see a different climbing mechanic, same with the grapple? A: parkour system is upgraded a lot, grapple is coming back ofc

Q: 1. are there gonna be volatiles in dl2? and are the zombies in dl2 more faster, brutal and better in movement to chase u down? A: There are new and old zombies, can't tell more atm

Q:Will some of the old zombie mutations be returning? A: yup

Q: Distance weapons are mentioned, does that mean a weapon smith we can get distanve weapon blueprints from? A: you can created your own weapons

Q: Are there other zombie types than the ones mentioned in the interviews? If so can we know a bit about them? A: there will be more, no info now tho

Q: On the topic of Grapple, is it expected to behave the same as DL1, or will it have a different mechanic, such as a swing? A: grapple is different now and you can upgrade it

Q: an we drop kick zombies and humans from sky scrapers? A: Yup

Q: Will the grappling hook operate the same as in DL1? I think it was overpowered and needed bigger cool down, it took away from parkour element a lot for me. A: as I said later, it's reworked a little - not OP now

Q: Is Brecken alive in Dying Light 2? Or is he maybe related to protagonist? A: no one from DL1 comes back

Q: Does no ranged mean guns or are we also losing the bow/crossbow A: never said no ranged, i said no firearms, ranged weapons will be there

Q: Will the gore be overhauled or different in Dying Light 2? A: it will be upgraded, there are also new finishers coming in

Q: Will quarantine zones come back? A: dark zones will be in the buiuldiings

Q: what happen to the cure A: gone

Q: will there be more weapon upgrades than in the first DL? A: a lot more

Q: can we put miniguns on vehicles or weaponize them like the buggy from The Following? A: I don't think so - nothing for now at least

Q:What happend to the GRE? A: They were there when the infection started - they are the ones that gave away the biomarkers - no sight of them in the city now

Q: If there's a co-op mode, what is the max amount of players in 1 lobby? A: 4 players max

Q: Will there be more end game content then dl1? A: yup, first of all you will have to finish the game multiple times to experience the game fully, end game will also be improved

Q: What do you think will be there an epic crossover mission when we meet kyle but he's turned A: I don't think he will come back

Q: Infected animals? A: animals will be there, you can hunt them, dunno about infected ones tho

Q: Are there children in DL2? If so, can we kill them? A: Brutal

Q: Referencing the ease of combat in DL1, can we expect to see actual struggle when going against enemies? Will we have the feeling of should I fight or run? A: Ups [???] depends on the difficulty for sure, some of the fights will be hard, for example - you fight some guys near to the building and then zombies hear it and come out for few minutes, and you have XvXvX fight to go trough

Q: Kiedy pre order? A: Niedługo

Q: are the voliatile hive quests coming back? A: you will be cleaning some mess for sure, I don't know if those particular quests will go back

Q: Alright. I asked if we'll get skin to customize our weapons as in we keep them forever as blueprints and we can apply them to any weapon? A: customization will be upgraded, that's for sure, I believe we will actually share more details about it in the future

Q: Will there be brutal finishers after stun, like in old Dying Light version where Kyle pulls out smth from the chest? A: yup, we're still adding more and more finishers

Q: Are safezones upgradable in any way? A: you can't upgrade them as in "click a button and its happening" it changes when you do something for the city or you act in some way

Q: is there gonna be a volatile chase mission in the sewer like dl1? "extraction" with more running action? A: that's a really gameplay-detailed question, I don't think i have answer for it now

Q: Will there be weapons rarities? A: some weapons will be stronger than other - don't know about how will we deal with rarities

Q: can we do farming? A: i think that other people are meant for farming, not Aiden

Q: Is dl2 going to have the same docket system like dl1 if not please explain A: dockets are cool, would be good to have them back

Q: Will zombies give a fight for your life feel, or will it be light DL1 where they are primarily just nuisances? A: try going to dark zone during the day, you wont get out of there alive

Q: do we have a different type of vehicles or just one like dl the following we only had the buggy + we are going to have horses and motorbikes or no ? A: there will be some vehicles - more about that coming soon

Q: is there going to be any refrences from dl1??? A: yup, there will be differences [I’m assuming the question was misread]

Q: you said that there wont be any firearms in DL2, but can you maybe tell what's going on in here, as a game dev? It confuses me quite a lot [pic of peacekeeper with what looks like a gun] A: concept arts are not 1:1 gameplay

Q: Is there gonna be something that can make you even stronger if you maxed out all skill trees? (Like the Legend in DL1.) A: that's a really late-game stuff, i believe something like that will come

Q: will the hostile factions attack you if you go into certain areas (i.e if you take a safe zone for a scavenger will the peackeepers attack you in an office building A: yup

Q: how much is pre order and when will it go live A: we are still taking care of different editions and prices

Q: Are the weapons going to become more modern as you level up ? A: nope, weapons are really "hand made" but they all look cool

Q: Will there be any stational turrets, which you can craft/use in some safezones to clear hordes? A: people are dealing with the infected, turrets are too modern

Q: we can pre-order the game soon ? i mean like next month maybe or after a while ? A: yup, preorders will go live when we will figure out the versions etc

Q: Will multiplayer/coop loot be instance based, or client base? (DL1 uses a client base, as each player gets their own drops/items from chests/zombies) Instance based would be there's only 1 item for all players, first to grab gets. A: We still need to figure that out, I believe we will check which one is better

Q: any cool easter eggs coming? A: a lot of them

Q: Will there be any missions that require 4 players, and can more people join you for the final boss? A: 4 people is max

Q: will there be any more presentations or info about DL2 at e3? A: there will be more + new s this month

Q: Will there be boss fights and if there is at the last story mission do we have to be alone? A: don't ask about last mission when the game is not out

Q: we can play with animals like far cry ? i mean like u send animals to attack zombies or something like that, and will there be infected animals too or no ? A: you will be able to hunt animals for resources, i dont think you will be able to tame them

Q: what your prediction about the pc spec? A: i think you will be fine if you can run modern games, We go for FPS over resolution and we aim for 60 at ps4 and xone, its not confirmed tho

Q: so is there going to be some sick loot if we have dl1 and bad blood?? A: there will be something for DL owners

Q: Are there gonna be hunger and thirst bars, and food and drinks you can loot around the world or get from faction cities and safe zones? A: that's still under discussion, its not confirmed

Q: Will we see random wildlife throughout our explorations? (Not those of zombies.) A: yup and you can hunt them

Q: Will we be able to use the dying light companion app in Dying Light 2 A: probably yes

Q: so is there infected animals or no ? A: I dont think so, it's not really confirmed, so we will see

Q: Can we get a confirmation that the dev tools will be available eventually considering it massively increase the longevity of the game and wasnt a total fuckup of a decision like bad blood was? A: about dev tools - im still waiting for confirmation

Q: sorry for the torture but will there be a PVP gamemode or any special gamemode for DL2? A: we will have multiplayer based discussion, for now there are no details to tell about mp

Q: will DL2 get better mod support ? Something like Fallout 4 so we can add more stuff to the game A: i hope so

Q: asking again, will there be seasons? like winter and summer with weather changes? A: I don't think so

Q: Do i have to side with 1 faction completely? Do certain factions control certain safe zones or are safe zones neutral territory? A: nope, you don't have to side with 1 faction

Q: limitation (character inventory)? Like we can no longer have unlimited or 99x items in stacks - including crafting materials. A: I think there wont be limits to crafting materials, like 99x, i need to confirm that with devs tho

Q: Will there be walking zombie hordes, which will try to destroy safe zone's gates? And will it be like event? (is it really possible)? A: people's safe zones are protected with UV lights, zombies wont cross them

Q: Can I sleep in Dying Light 2 to skip night? A: the whole day-night cycle is changed in DL2, more details coming soon

Q1: will there be xray like in the old game A: what x ray Q2: Survivor sense, he meant I think Q3: the critical blue hit, when u hit a zombie, thats what he means A: oh, survivor sense is coming back

Q: Will duplications be patched frequently? As in DL1 there are still many that can occur. A: well i hope there wont be any dupe glitches

Q: Around how long would it take to playthrough the game once? A: quests etc are still coming so i cant really tell how long it will be right now

Q: Btw every pre-order got a bonus content so ofc dl2 got bonus content so when i buy the game after the release i can get this content even if i buy higher edition or its for pre-orders only ? A: i dont think we will have any preorder exclusives, time will tell tho

Q: How many quests Will there be? A: a lot

Q: how many or which of the zombie types from the first game will we see again in DL2? A: everyone from DL1 is coming back (zombie wise) wise some cool additions and upgrades

Q: How many factions are confirmed so far or at least under disussion? A: 2 main ones are confirmed, and there will be more side ones

Q: will there be any sort of vehicles we can drive in DL2? A: yup there will be vehicles

Q: Will there be shields and (fast?) counterattacks after blocking? A: ripostes will be there, im not sure about the shields but u can block without it

Q: The map takes place in a City, is this city based on a real life counterpart? A: it's a fictional city based on european cities

Q: what happened to the firearms i mean why they are removed from the game ? A: they are very rare commodity 15 years after diseaster

Q: can we drive vehicles? A: yes

Q: When does the Q&A end? A: in around 10 minutes

Q: I don't know if this was asked. But Will we be able to explore more then the city? A: the city alone is 4 times bigger than the first DL, there is a lot to explore, dunno about going outside tho

Q: Will there be some type of pvp in the game? A: more info about multiplayer modes will come very soon

Q: Who is the voice actor for aiden A: dunno to be honest xD not the kyle voice actors and that what matters [This has been released. Aiden’s voice actor is Jonah Scott.]

Q: So there is firearms in the game but they are very rare and hard to find ? i mean u can still find them but its hard right ? A: i mean that they are so rare that you wont find one, but as i said, there are still ranged weapons, and some you can craft on your own

Q: Will it be a new Be The Zomby ? Or Human player invading other world like DS3 ? A: as i said, no details for multiplayer this time, sorry! :x

Q: Will the implemented day/night cycle have any special amendments? (Can we expect to see random encounters/anomalies on random nights/days?) A: would be cool, ill ask devs

Q: In the trailer we saw bracelet and how "charges go down". What will happen if it goes down and will we have "antizin"? Can we buy or trade it? A: there is no antizine, strong UV lights weakens the infection, its still under discussion what will happen when it will go to 0, most possible outcome is simply dying and having to restart the game

Q: Hold up. "No guns" or "very rare guns"? I saw both those answers from Uncy A: its pretty much the same, like, they're all pretty much gone

Q: what about invasions? Be the zombie A: no multiplayer details now

Q: Is the game 4 times bigger then just the slums? Or the WHOLE game A: the whole game without the following

Q: Will there be more interactions within the game? (IE: Fishing, skinning the animals we hunt, cooking, etc) A: yup, there will be a lot to do in the city

Q: Will DL2 be on next gen xbox as it just got announced? A: right now we plan ps4 xone and pc release

Q: Will it be possible to take (offline) single-player saved games online, and if so, what proactive measures will Techland take to prevent game-save mods from disrupting the online multiplayer experience? A: as i said, multiplayer details will come in the future, those things are still under discussion

Q: Can we go and roam outside the city? A: Aiden wants to stay in the city

Q: my final question what is the virus called is it still called the harran virus A: well it's not in harran only anymore

Q: Is there some way to calculate just how many final outcomes you can get out of the game? Like in Detroit Become Human for example A: not really, not right now at least

Q: will screamers have more of a purpose then obstacle you have to get around A: they will be different this time

Q: Legend levels made the first game really easy so are they in dl2 or no ? and if they are there so is it balanced now or it will still make the game so easy ? A: legends levels are still under discussion as well

Q: Still another question about that charges... Will there be some visual and sensitive effects (like in Dying Light where the screens goes green and we dont have stamina)? A: yup, i think so at least

Q: Will there be more detailed animations for each thing we do? (If we activate our flashlight, Aiden would reach to his shoulder to turn it on) A: some things are speed up of course to not be annoying, but there will be more animations, like imagine having to reach the uv light for a 10000 time when volatile is at your face

Q: Will this channel remain so we can review all the previously stated questions? A: it will be closed but it will remain (i need to make QA out of it)

Q: Will it be possible to take (offline) single-player saved games online, and if so, what proactive measures will Techland take to prevent game-save mods from disrupting the online multiplayer experience? A: i responded to that with - no multiplayer details for now, I really don't have any info about it

Q: Can we ride horses ? A: nope

Q: Is korek in dl2? A: i dont think so

Q: anything to mention about Night hunters? A: night runners you mean? actually Aiden is the only man capable of reviving hte nightrunners caste

Q: wingsuit? A: maybe this will be one of the things we will be talking about - i mean, new traversal options

Q: Will we have the ability to pursue affections of NPC? Such as a friend meter, or even a lover? A: you will be able to interact with every single npc in the game - how? you will see

Q: Any building destruction in ds2? Like walls collapsing when you use explosives, would be cool A: just the last one - yes environment is destructible in some cases

#dying light 2 #dying light #the following spoilers #aiden caldwell #techland #long post #mod post #stills #dying light spoilers

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holyytaehyung · 6 years ago

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NCT dream react to a duet with idol! s/o.

requested~

Mark When you were both announced to be performing together for a duet stage, Mark didnt expect so much love from the community sigh, in a perfect world idols can date. He was honestly quite surprised, but also very very happy that he finally got to share the stage with the one he loves. It was going to be a part of an award show, and you were set to perform a dance /rap duo, and from the practices; you could already tell it would get a reaction. The choreographer took it into mind that you both were in a relationship, thus why , about 30 seconds of the song, was when mark wasnt holding you close. But who were you to complain? the rest of the dance was awesome, and full of power. You, who had debuted in a girl group, didnt usually get to show this kind of visual, the debut song for your group something alot more light hearted, the dances simple and effective. SM was a smart company, and they praised you and Mark for telling them straight away when you got into a relationship, and they chose to support you both. It was like a dream come true. You both stood on the darkened stage, and the announcers voice begins; “and now, we have a duo of perfect harmony on and off stage, from SM entertainment; NCT’s Mark Lee and y/g/n’s y/n! performing a duet of dance and rap, now, lets enjoy this young love!” The crowd went nuts, not even an exaggeration, they LOVED you two, and Mark was so proud that you were there with him. As you danced with him on the stage, he couldnt help but to get lost, as he did usually, both of you dancing for yourselves and not the millions of fans. As the lights went back to dark, leaving you both breathlessly running off the stage, the audiences applause was loud enough to be heard from backstage, it continued for minutes, making you both smile. “good job baby, we need to do this more often.” “i agree” overall hed probably end up more whipped for you because you’re amazing.

Renjun Your New group’s debut was met with many criticisms, but with double the amount of praise. You were a member of your group that could speak chinese, thanks to your family moving over to China when you were young, you learnt the language and attended a school there, as well as a dance club, conveniently where you met Renjun. When SM said that they were sending a Duo to china to promote , you didnt expect for them to literally choose you and your boyfriend. Renjun was over the moon, he knew that he wanted to perform with you more than anything, and this way he could also prove that you were his. You were set to head over together, both of you taking a plane, and then heading to the venue. Renjun was beside you the entire time. At first, you were a little rusty switching back into fluent Chinese, but Renjun was there to help, and soon it felt as though you were back at school again. You both worked in perfect harmony, capturing the hearts of the audience as you talked before dancing, talking about how you met and how you were both very scared to travel to Korea for this opportunity, but doing it together helped you get through the tough times. “y/n, well, im young so you may not believe me when i say this, but y/n is my everything” Renjun smiled, squeezing your hand. “so, wed like to perform for you, thankyou for coming!” You both began your dance and singing duet, it was a mashup of two of the songs that were from yours and Renjuns group; Nct dream. Whilst on the stage, he looked at you and only you, focused on your beauty and talent, it gave him strength and determination to do the same. When you both finished, you finally broke eye contact, and a roar of applause was heard, making you both smile sheepishly. “thankyou! and thankyou my beautiful girlfriend, and my beautiful fans, for accepting us!”

Jeno Jeno loved being by your side, and having you on stage with him? as his girlfriend? and duet partner? He never thought that it could happen, and run so smoothly. When he was questioned by SM about your relationship, he told them that he cared about you, and the fans, and would do his best to maintain his image. SM appeared to be approving of his maturity and rather than shut it down, they promoted the idea that their idols are mature enough to think for themselves. He helped you up the stairs to the stage, and photographers couldnt get enough of you two; the face of young love in the media currently.

As you both began to perform, he felt relaxed, and he felt as though he could go with the flow, because he knew you could do it. His trust in you was equivalent to an astronaut in their rocket; Hed risk his life for you. You both danced together, ending in a pose where you were holding hands. Everyone agreed that you two were very cute together, and Jeno seemed to have the urge to dance with you more and more, wanting to post dance cover videos with you> “jagi i have so many ideas!!” “ooo LETS DO ALL OF THESE!” “this one too!!”

Haechan Haechan was confused to say the least when he was dragged into the office, they had already settled down the whole dating scandal, and you both had come clean about dating, and you were met with so much support. He almost felt like laughing when they asked him to do a duo stage with you, assuming that he was getting in trouble. But he dismissed the urge and agreed straight away. As you were both Idols, you never got to sit with eachother at award cerimonies, unless fate was really on your side. But since you two were performing a duet, you were allowed to sit next to eachother for the whole night. When you both entered to walk to your seats, everyone gushed about how kind Haechan was, as he passed you a pillow, and sat holding your hand. You smiled and turned to a fan who sat behind you both, after they said how amazing Haechan was. “I know right! hes so amazing, really” The fan smiled at you and turned to their friend. “wow she is nice too! i ship it!” this made you smile, and Haechan was about to question you when they began to usher you both backstage for your performance. It was more focused on singing, this time, both of you stood on stage with standing microphones, you played guitar and both of you began to sing a soft and sweet acoustic love song, making many begin to smile at you both. Throughout the entire piece Haechan stared at you with loveheart eyes, he never thought that you could get any more beautiful, but he stood corrected. He watched as a little strand of hair moved into your face, and like second nature he fixed it, causing the whole crowd to scream. He smiled at you, and you smiled black, a soft pink on your cheeks. “i loved this and i loved you” hed say afterword, pulling you in for a hug.

Jaemin As publicly announcing a relationship would go, You and Jaemin were on the lucky side. You were both friends before you got into a relationship, and his fans were already used to you being around, the majority already shipped you both as a couple as well. You both were about to perform a duo, then after, you were to announce that you guys were in a relationship. You were nervous to say the least, and so was Jaemin. Neither of you had experienced something like this before, but, you were ready. Throughout the entire dance and song Jaemin kept his eyes on you, and fans noticed, whenever you both got close, theyd scream and cheer”kiss” for you two, which caused you to both blush as you finished the dance. You seemed to be in a daze when Jaemins voice broke you out of it. “so, everyone, did you like our performance?” the crowd screamed “yes!” “it was kind of romantic , dont you think y/n?” he winked, making you blush and chuckle, the crowd screaming. “hmm i think so?” you smiled. “on that note, we do have something to tell you all.” Jaemin said, going serious. Both of you took your ear pieces out, as he grabbed your hand. “Y/n and I are together, and we’re very happy” He smiled. If you thought the fans went nuts before, you were wrong, so many people were smiling and chanting your names, and you couldnt help but smile up at jaemin, who brought you into a hug.

Chenle Chenle would be a nervous mess before the performance, you were both publicly in a relationship, and this was the first promotion you were doing together. It was a dance duo for a TV show, and you both had no idea what kind of reaction youd get when it is announced that youre performing. “and now, we have a new young couple, performing a dance duo; NCT Dream’s Chenle, and y/g/n’s y/n!” The TV audience was screaming, and you both had looks of surprise on when you walked on the stage, causing the host to laugh. “why the surprised looks?” “its just- wow, what a reaction!” Chenle smiled. “yeah! we were very nervous to perform together..” you added. “well, we all love you two together, right everyone?” “yes!” the crowd screamed, making you both look to eachother and smile brightly. As the lights dimmed and the music started, you both couldn't contain your happiness, and danced with full energy, doing one of the best performances you had both ever done. You danced your hearts out, and sung the soft lovey lyrics as if you were speaking to eachother. The crowd loved it, and chanted your names. “thankyou all so much, its so nice being able to be in my favourite place with my favorite person, thankyou!” chenle smiled lovingly at you, and waved to the crowd, helping you down the stairs to the seats for your interview together.

Jisung Instead of being asked to do a full stage together, SM suggested that youd both do a V-live together, dancing and learning choreography. You and Jisung both agreed, both being the main dancers of your groups, and not to mention the Maknae’s, when fans got news that you were both dating, they called you the “power dance couple” and it made you both happy. For the livestream, you both waited until you got a good ammount of viewers, before Jisung tugged on your arm, and hugged you, causing you to slap his arm slightly. He just chuckled and turned to the camera. “hello everyone , I am NCT dream’s Maknae, Jisung, and this is my girlfriend Y/g/n’s Makne, y/n.” he introduced which made you laugh at his awkwardness. He shot a side glare at you and you just teased him, all the comments were surprisingly happy for you both, saying that they can see the chemistry. When you both started dancing, Jisung wondered why he ever though about practicing alone, when he had you. Dancing was so much more thrilling with you there, both of you mucking about, and having a fun time, creating a fun time for the viewers too- and fuel for futire videos that would be made to showcase you two together. He figured, he loved dancing with you, and one day, you would both take the big stage by storm together. END -admin rose

#admin rose #nct #nct dream #nct dream reactions #nct reactions #kpop #kpop reactions #mark #renjun #jeno #haechan #jaemin #chenle #jisung #fluff #nct dream reaction #request

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wings-of-indigo · 5 years ago

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A Note on Relationships (that shouldn't be controversial but probably will be)

At work the other day, I got asked by one of my coworkers if I was single. On this particular occasion, that coworker was male. However, before everyone thinks this is another post about misogyny and the assumptions men make about women's availability in the workplace, let me note that I have been asked this question before by several female coworkers of various ages, but all near or over thirty.

And Everytime, when I reply that I am currently single and generally happy to be so(and go on to explain my reasons for this rare state of single happiness) I've gotten a combination of Looks.

There's the 'ooookaaaay' Look, the 'you're weird' Look, the 'You're wasting your youth' Look, and the 'You'll regret that later' Look. (Just to name a few). I've gotten used to it.

In the interests of full and unbragging disclosure, I know that I can be considered 'attractive' for a female (And wow that was hard to say outside my head. But the difficulties female assertiveness about appearance will be saved for another date). Dancing all the time keeps my relatively skinny by non dance world standards (I'm 5'3.5", usually within 5lbs of 130 lbs and I generally wear an upscale size 4), and while I'm definitely not the archetypal model thin ballerina, the fact that I fit a small size 4 (occasionally cursing and swearing) states my point quite neatly. I fit into conventional standards of female beauty.

Here's the thing though, about those Looks I mentioned earlier. I didn't date in high school, and I generally don't date now. Sure, if I get lonely or drunk enough I'll window shop OkCupid at one in the morning, but rarely do I have the inclination to follow through once recovered. And for a lot of people my age, that seems to be weird. In our society Single people arent supposed to be happy about it. Especially women.

And that's just stupid.

Most people agree that a single-by-choice man, even a confirmed I-dont-ever-want-romance man, batts no eyes in any context. A woman of the same, however, is immediately assumed to have something wrong with her. Either she is traumatized from some past experience, or she is simply defective and frigid. Even a woman who has previously proved her 'correctness' with marriage, even children, is not immune. If that woman does not want to enter another romantic relationship (and I'm including the full spectrum of queer identities as possible partners whenever I say marriage, partner, or romantic) after a time, then she is Wrong and Broken. Even if she has been abused by her partner and doesn't feel comfortable or capable of exposing herself like that again. Even if she has lost her long term 'soul mate' and does not want anything or anyone else after their loss. One of our media's favorite romantic tropes is The Woman who Learns to Overcome her Tragic Past and find Happiness in the (99% male) Protagonist's Romantic and Sexual Intrest. Little girls are brought up to dream and plan their future wedding from the time they know what a wedding IS (which, spoiler alert: is pretty damn young. I first remember playing 'wedding' when I was about five and got a box of dress up costumes for Christmas).

So, it makes sense that a woman or girl, especially young not engaging or desiring to engage in Romantic Ventures hits some socially ingrained trigger points. It's still stupid.

Here's some reasons why (for me, y'all night have your own valid reasons). While not at intensive like I am now, I am holding down a full time job while doing anywhere from 15-20 hours of dance classes in studio, not counting any supplemental physical training and gym time I put in outside of class, while finishing an unrelated Bachelors Degree online, trying to shop for and cook dance supporting meals on a strict budget, do laundry, get a healthy amount of sleep, go to acting and singing coaching, and find funding for an upcoming dance program should pass auditions. I really, really don't have the time or emotional availability for a relationship.

And that is key here. People seem to underestimate the importance of emotional labor on both sides in a healthy relationship- you can't just show up to date night or activities together and make small talk. There's a reason people talk about 'emotional avaliabilty', and in most traditional 1950s style relationships it's the woman's job to avaliable for whichever man she's involved with. Unfortunately, the vast majority of men still seem to carry an unconscious bias towards this kind of relationship.

And, I'm sorry (not), but Im really not interested in That. I'm reminded of a tumblr post about cat ladies, and why men seem to think that's an insult to woman rather than themselves- that they're so unappealing they can't get a man. Leaving aside the sexist assumption a womans ambition ahould be to 'get a man'- Dude, if I wanted a man, I could get one. Any girl off the street could get one easier than ordering takeout when she's too tired to cook.

The problem lies not in the getting, but with the shopping. While I identify as bisexual and happily enjoy fun times of the erotic bent, one of my personal quirks is that I Can't Do One Nights. This is not misplaced slut shaming- I am fully aware and bear no disapproval towards pursuing casual sexual attraction. Your body, your choice. I just know myself, and that any sexual interaction with a stranger would be exceedingly unpleasant for me in an emotional sense.

I tend to be extroverted, and I love people. But I also grew up in an alcoholic household with a very dysfunctional and fraught marriage. My mother never beat us, but she's still controlling and can still make me feel like shit, and my dad still tends to be an emotional leech with terrifyingly destructive rages. (Yes, those are mental health issues, and I still love them-distantly- but it's not my job as their child to fix them or get them help.)

As a result, It takes me a while to trust someone, especially emotionally. And, as a female, sex is a huge act of trust and emotional investment.

I would love to create the loving marriages and relationships I see my friends having. It's one of my future fantasies- creating a home with a life partner, sharing dinner and cuddles and movies and giving each other good sex.

But here's the thing. I can give myself satisfying sex. And I, quite frankly, have other dreams too, ones that are going to demand a superhuman level of work. Getting back to the 'shopping' anology- the sad fact is that it is going to be very difficult to find a man who doesn't expect his partner to place him and his dreams above her own, and just as difficult to train one out of that mindset. (And girlfriends for girls are about as common as rainbow unicorns).

Having grown up as I did, I might have ridiculously high standards for romance. But I made a vow to never be my parents, and frankly I see no point in taking time away from what I want more than anything in order to appease an archaic societal preference.

Love does not mean the surrendering of self, and I am not going to devote myself anything less than something extraordinary.

So that's why I'm single, and I'm fine with that. Suck it.

#why we need feminism #feninism #relationship #dreams #romantic relationships #misogony #misogny #societal norms #societal standards

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vcqezgbazgie-blog · 5 years ago

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solarianradiance · 6 years ago

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Heartsick: Loving Rage

https://skaianradiance.tumblr.com/post/174939512530/heartsick-quelling-nightmares

You are ROSE LALONDE

And you just finished your third therapy session with JOHN EGBERT, and things were pretty productive.

EB: so is... that it then?

TT: That’s it, unless you have something else you feel like sharing. Which I encourage you do, since we are still here.

EB: nah, i was actually getting a lil sleepy, glad we can do something else now.

TT: Ok, then why dont you run along and play now, the big kid toys on the playground are open~

EB: ok i’ll-

EB: ...rose...>:B

TT: Sorry, you just seemed like an eager child waiting for recess, wanting to burn off his energy in a game of tag. A lil playfulness isnt going to hurt~

EB: right, well, your eagerness to reduce me to child-like context makes me think you might want kids, or could be an assertion to your unfulfilled childhood.

TT: Using my status as psychologist, and attempting to use it on me, can be interpreted as a sort of challenge, a display for primal ugres pertaining to the desire for dominance.

TT: Is this your way of saying that you want dominate me John?~♥

EB: what?! no! i want nothing of the sort! <:B

TT: Or perhaps you want me to dominate you?~

EB: ok, enough! this is weird enough as it is and i want no part of your weird kinky fantasies!

TT: Doesn't take a psychologist to know that you love it~

John absconds tfo, likely off to reevaluate his sense of company... or at least grab a bite to eat. Which might be a good idea for you to do yourself. You haven't eaten much of anything all day, and you are gonna need some energy to digest all of these notes.

Oh boy, what a choice of words to apply to your thoughts, you really are hungry!

Either way, you got a lot of things to go through, today really was productive, so many notes to go through!

Which is what you WOULD say, or think, if you werent a liar. There really isnt much more you have garnered that you don’t already know. The therapy sessions with John haven’t yielded much thus far, but these things tend to take time.

At least he is here with you and Kanaya. Speaking of whom, you feel like visiting her afterwords... specifically after your own snack.

You head out of your office, and into your kitchen. Its a spacious place, nice and wide, ready to make a feast if it needs to, especially a state dinner meant for discussing the worlds issues and the like. Rather dull affairs usually, even if they do tickle your “woman of power” side quite a bit. Being a Goddess has its weight of duty behind it, but it also has its perks~

You don’t worry about wealth or food, and you feel rather fulfilled acting as both a literal Queen and Goddess ruling a part of the world. Your Mother would be proud were she alive today... which she technically is, both alive and proud of you.

Speaking of whom, you informed her of the situation this morning, about John’s general condition and beckoned her return as soon as possible given that the situation is rather urgent, though not dire. However, you omitted the part about his incident in the bathroom. You don’t want to build up excessive stress in their minds and risk making them hysterical.

Kanaya had the duty informing Terezi of the situation as they know each other better than you do, being Troll lends an air of intrinsic understanding that you would not be innately imbued with, that much you have come to understand studying the psychology of Trolls.

Anyways, you simply are here in the kitchen for a slice of pizza, you don’t know why, but you have been craving this pie of Italian cuisine for over a month now. Meat lovers in particular has caught your fancy, though you have been mixing things up with everything on it and veggie pizza’s.

You guess its that they remind you of home, you sort of miss those nights your Mother called in for a delivery when she didn’t cook anything for the evening... or did cook something, and it was an egregious disaster. Part of you thought she did it out of spite, but looking back, she simply enjoyed it as much as you did. In fact, you think it was one of those times when the two of you sort of put your supposed game of will’s aside and just enjoyed each others company, in your own ways.

Regardless, you have been on a pizza kick, and you need your fix for the night ahead, so you open the fridge

to find your leftover are missing and now assumed eaten by an entity other than yourself!

... ... ...

TT: ...

TT: Whatever, didn’t need it anyways.

Need is the correct term, but you really did want it. You guess John must have eaten the last of it. Oh well, its not the end of the world again, you can always just order another one, you get them basically for free. Then again, you don’t want to go through the hassle, you’re not that up for pizza again now that you think about it. Annoyed from hunger pains, you instead choose to go a much more healthy rout of crafting yourself a rather tasty salmon sandwich, with a side of cheese and a glass of grape juice.

You WOULD have some wine, but you need your wits about you for the upcoming trial in mediating this interaction between John and his romantic partners. Both have been gone from his life for a long period of time, months in fact. Breaking the news to them of their lover’s emotional decay into self-harm and outright suicide is going to be a dance of caution to say the least. You really don’t want them to turn into hysterical broads over this, like you think they might. They might just blame themselves, which is an overtly strong possibility.

You finish your meal, not as fulfilling as pizza, it lacks that mild-mannered bread crust which you dig all kinds of hella on, but salmon has its own sweet charm~

As you were consuming your middle-class gourmet, you went over your notes during your sessions with John and things are... odd. There is certainly depression going on. Deep depression, yet nothing that would compel suicide. He is sad, very sad in fact, but not outright miserable, at least from what you can glean from so far.

At least he is in your care, you wouldn’t be much of a friend had you merely left him there alone in his house... sort of like what you did over the last few years. You literally had no idea he had gotten that bad, or else you would have intervened earlier. But then again, Roxy and Terezi might not have had any idea, as John was hiding his emotions and repressing them. Seems like they’re finally coming out due to isolation in the form of deep depression. You really can’t let him be alone again anymore, or else you might get a repeat of the bathroom incident.

You feel a reasonable compulsion to share this information with your wife, Kanaya. You clean up your mess in the kitchen and go looking for her. Which isn’t a very long search, as you find her in the living on a terminal. She seems to be playing a video game of some kind

GA: NO! I Dodged It’s Grabbing Lunge And Got Away, How In The Blazing Hell Did That Fat Fucking Bastard Catch Me?!!

She seems to be having a bad time.

TT: You seem to be having a good time.

GA: I Am Having An Absolutely Lively Celebration...

TT: Do you have a minute?

GA: I Do Now. I Need A Break Anyways, For This Game Has Ben Crush My Patience For Several Half-Hours Now.

TT: What were you playing? An RPG Action game?

GA: A Gaming Title That John Discovered Recently. Supposed To Be Considered Quite The Quality Recreational Engagement From What I Understand.

TT: Seems like a lot of fun.

GA: It Is! I Am Rather Enjoying Myself.

TT: I was... being sarcastic?

GA: And I Was Being Sincere.

TT: It sounded like you were hating it with a true passion.

GA: I Was... But In A Sort Of ♠Caliginous Manner♠. I Don’t Know What It Is, But This Game’s Brutality Is Rewarding When You Overcome It’s Challenges~♠

GA: This Thing Sincerely Hates Me, But It Wants Me To Win, And So I Hate It In Return For That~♠

TT: Uh-huh... anyways, I wanted to talk to you about our guests that are going to arrive shortly

GA: Terezi And Roxy? In Relation To Johnathan I Assume.

TT: Yes, more specifically on how we are going to break the news to them directly. I am not sure as to what method we should use.

GA: Perhaps Isolating Them Would Help Us Engage In The Relaying Of Our Honestly Dour Predicament?

TT: Maybe, but as I said, I am not certain, this whole situation is tricky to even talk about with John.

GA: Well, We Don’t Have The Time To Dally On It All Evening, They As Our Guests Will Be Arriving Within The Hour.

TT: I actually expected both of them to be here sooner, I suppose they had to take care of something before coming.

GA: But More To Your Point, Maybe It’s Better If We Just Told Them Both Up Front At Once And Get It Out Of The Way.

TT: Both at once? Why? That just seems like a way to escalate the situation to an all time high, wouldnt it be better to just be more subtle and work up to it?

GA: If We Did That We Might Make Things Worse, Especially With Terezi, Who Has A Habit Of Figuring Things Out, Being A Seeress Of Mind And All.

TT: How do you think Terezi will react? I can fathom what Roxy might do, probably become distraught over news of John’s self-harm, but Terezi I don’t think I can predict given how wild she is.

GA: She... Might Be Calm And Collected About It, OR She Might Become Overly Furious Over Him Committing Such An Act.

GA: Which Is To Say That I Am Not Sure Either As To How Terezi Will React Either. I Am A Bit Worried How This Is Going To Transpire.

TT: A stern possiblity is that th-*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

TT: Sounds like our guests ar-*KR4SH*

TT: !!!

GA: !!!

TT: I do believe that our guests are indeed here... glad one of them could give us an adequate amount of time to prepare for their entry

*Terezi and Roxy enter the room, proving the Seer of Light correct in her assumption of their arrival. They dont appear overly happy at the moment.*

CG: G33T1NGS OTH3R L4LOND3. N1C3 TO SM3LL YOU 4G41N K4N4Y4!

GA: Good To “See“ You As Well, Terezi. I Hope Your Trip Was Fruitful.

CG: 1T W4SNT, 4S 1 4M ST1LL CURR3NTLY SHORT OF 4 VR1SK4...

TG: hey rosie, how you doin?

TT: Hello Roxy, I am doing fi-

CG: WH3R3S JOHN?

TT: That was brief. What? You don’t want to relax and catch up for few minutes?

CG: YOU C4LL3D M3 4W4Y FROM MY S34RCH FOR MY SCOURG3 S1ST3R, NOW 1 W4NT TO KNOW WHY. 1 4M 4SSUM1NG 1TS SOM3TH1NG S1GN1F1C4NTLY 1MPORT4NT, 4S YOU H4V3 R1SK3D MY WR4TH. 1 WOULD R4TH3R SK1P TH3 PL34S3NTR13S 4ND G3T TO TH3 PO1NT 1F YOU DONT M1ND.

TT: He’s...

TT: Actually I am not sure what he is up to at the moment.

GA: He Is Currently In His Respite Block I Believe.

CG: WH1CH R41S3S TH3 QU3ST1ON 4S TO WHY H3 1S H3R3 TO B3G1NG W1TH.

TG: ye, y isnt he at his house? you made it snd like smt srs happended

GA: As You Were Informed, Johnathan Is The Subject Of Strenuous Circumstances And Has Come Under Our Watchful Care.

TG: wat kind of issues we talkin here? like hes got a broken leg or pranked the wrong asshole and now we got a polkal debecle again, or wats the story here? TG: *political debacle

TT: No, it’s more like something along the lines of personal care. He... well, in your’s and Terezi’s absence he seemed to have become reclusive and appeared to have gotten depressed and he might have engaged in some harmful behavior.

TG: wat? laik he tried to hang himself or smthing?

TT: Um.... oh boy...ok so, “Tried” isn’t the word I would use... buuut...

TG: ...w-wait, wat the fuck r u saing rose? did he actually try to kill himself or smthing?

GA: Should We Just Tell Them?

TG: tell us what?

CG: TH4T SOM3TH1NG R34LLY B4D H4PP3N3D TO JOHN. 1F YOUR3 B31NG TH1S DODG3Y, TH4T WOULD 1MPLY TH4T 1T W4S OF TH3 D1R3 V4R13TY 4ND W3 M1GHT P4N1C, SO STOP ST4LL1NG 4ND T3LL US WH4T H4PP3ND3D!

GA: Rose, I Acknowledge That You Already Had A Plan In Place To Prepare Them But Should We Simply Tell Them Now? It Seems They Made A Number Of Assumptions They, And Are Making Things Worse.

TT: Im literally trying to tell them. But im trying to do it in a way that wont make them hysterical!

TG: tell us wat?! nuff of the third degre and tell us whats goin on with john! hes ok right?!

TT: Yes, at this moment he is fine. You shouldnt be so worried right now.

CG: BUT H3 W4SNT F1N3, OR 3LS3 YOU WOULDNT H4V3 US3D THOS3 WORDS 1N ORD3R TO D3SCR1B3 H1S CURR3NT COND1T1ON 1N R3L4T1ON TO WH3N YOU OR1G1N4LLY FOUND H1M

GA: Rose I... Think They Have A Strong Idea Of What Happended, I Do Not Think There Is Much To Be Gained In Dragging This Out.

TT: *sigh* Very well then... a week ago, we were getting worried about John and his condition as he was becoming withdrawn and his behavior was particularly odd. He wasn’t really as energetic or as lively as he once was and Kanaya and I began to notice. He wasn’t answering any of my calls or messages for a long while, so Kanaya was sent to his home to investigate if he was well... turned out he... wasnt

TG: ...and? what was wrong?

TT: Um... we arent entire sure what caused it, or if John was aware of what he did to himself. God this is harder to break than I thought.

GC: W41T... YOUR3 S4Y1NG TH4T H3 4CTU4LLY... TR13D TO OFF H1MS3LF?!

TT: ...Apparently, yes... Kanaya found him in his bathtub.

TG: back the fuck up, what do you mean by that exactly?!

GA: I Found Him In His Bathtub... There...There Was Blood Everywhere And He Was... Not Moving... I Was Afraid He Was Gon And... I Kissed Him In An Attempt To Revive Him-

TG: but you said he was alive right?! hes ok right now?!

TT: Yes, as stated, he is currently all right. Its as though it never happened. Kanaya Revived Him.

TG: so hes ok then, right now i mean?

TT: Yes, he’s fit as a fiddle. As I said, its like it never happended.

TG: ok good, terezi, they said he was in his room in this apartment, didnt they?

CG: Y34H TH3Y D1D, WH1CH M34NS H3S SOM3WH3R3 1N H3R3

TG: thanks rezi *does the rouge of voidy thing and vanishes tfo*

GA: Um... What Did Roxy Intend With That Stipulation Prior To Her Visual Diminishing?

GA: Then Why Did She Engage Her Voidy Powers?

=======

Elsewhere in the apartment, a very hysterical broad slowly opens the door to her boyfriends bedroom, and finds him watching a video with a pair of earphones, meaning the door opening went unheard. He seems rather into it, not sure why, but either way provides the broad with an opportunity to do this to the bum that she calls boyfriend.

*PILLOW SMACK*

EB: AH WHAT THE FUCK?! *windy thing*

EB: holy shit what was that?!

TG: me, thats what *un-voidy thing appearify*

EB: oh, its just you... what the hell is- *PILLOW BOPPED*

EB: ow! what the motherfucking shit roxy?!

TG: im motherfucking mad as hell at u right now, thats the motherfucking shit, john!

EB: well, hello again to you too i guess, why the fuck are you mad exactly?

TG: u kno exactly why im mad u dum adorable bastard, u cant fool me!

EB: oh... u saw it then?

TG: no! i wasnt there and shit, i just learned about it! i would have been here sooner if i knew what you did to yourself!!!

EB: ...wait, what are you talking about?

TG: u killing urself and kanaya finding you dead in the bathtub, wat the ever living shit do u think i was talking about?!

EB: ooooh, hehehe, thought you were mad about something else.

TG: wha-...what in the hell r u doin laffin about this? this is srs! REALLY serious! Seriously, why in loving fuck are you so chipper about this shit?!

EB: well its kind of hard to explain but-

*Rose, Kanaya and Terezi Appear*

TT: May I ask what you two are doing that is doing me a significant concern?

GA: I Second This Query, What Are You Doing?

EB: hey rose, kanaya...

EB: t3r3z1...

GC: JOHN...

TT: Roxy, answer me, what were you doing running off like that?

TG: to see john, duh!

TT: And why was there a commotion that was making a stir the ocean?

EG: hah!

TG: dude, srsly, i am so srs right now, y r u laughing?

EB: cuz it was funny?

TG: how could u be lafing about this shit?

EB: like i said it was funny! or at least i thought it was funny, so why wouldnt i laugh?

TG: because u killed yourself, or tried to! this isnt something u should be laughing about!

GC: 1 AGR33 W1TH 1NFORM4L L4LOND3, TH1S S1TUT4T1ON 1S NO L4UGH1NG M4TT3R. DO YOU M1ND T3LL1NG US YOUR S1D3 OF TH3 STORY FOR TH3 S4K3 OF POST3R1TY?

TG: yeah, tell us y u did it john! from your mouth, i wanna hear what u have 2 say bout wat happened.

EB: um... ok, theres really not much to say. where do you want me to start?

GC: HOW 4BOUT TO TH3 PO1NT? D1D YOU DO 1T JOHN 3GB3RT? D1D YOU 4CTU4LLY TRY TO K1LL YOURS3LF?

EB: i don’t i did?

TG: da fuks that supposed to mean? u either did it or u didnt! now which is it?!

EB: i guess i did it in my sleep then? i dont really remember how it happended if im being honest, i just sort of went to sleep one night and i woke up in the bathtub with kanaya...

GC: TH4TS 4LL YOU R3M3MB3R?

EB: thats all i remember!

GC: ...

GC: BULLSH1T! YOU H4V3 TO B3 OM1TT1NG SOM3TH1NG! NOW STOP PR3T3ND1NG TO B3 4 CR1M1N4L W1TH SOM3TH1NG TO H1D3 4ND T3LL US WH4T YOUR3 H1D1NG!

TT: Oh God, Terezi, no! Stop this line of questioning immediately! Its not good for him to be invoking emotions he doesn't feel comfortable invoking on his own!

EB: ok, this is getting a little bit uncom-

TG: would u knock it the fuck off rose? were tryin to get a grasp of the situation, we got a right to know whats going on!

EB: can you guys ju-

TT: Thats not your call to make, you aren’t his therapist, I am!

GC: L3G4LLY OR AR3 YOU JUST S4Y1NG TH4T TO L3ND YOURS3LF 4N 41R OF 4UTHORITY?

TT: Yes, legally! I’ve been having therapeutic sessions with him and helping him adjust enough to get comfortable and you two have been undoing all of that progress with your incessant questioning like an unexpected inquisition!

TG: well we didn expect him to offhimself while we were gon n shit rosie, wegot a right to know y he did it and all that jazz so we can help him!

EB: guys, seri-

TT: Yes you do have a right, but you need to wait until John is ready, any sooner and you might make him more withdrawn. That’s why we didn’t have John with us so that we could minimize stress!

GC: W3LL TH1S WHOL3 SH1TTY S1TU4T1ON 1S STR3SS1NG M3 TH3 H3LL OUT! 1 D1DNT W4NT TO COM3 JUST TO F1ND OUT MY K1SM3S1S 1S ON TH3 BR1NK OF T4K1NG H1MS3LF OUT! HOW DO YOU TH1NK W3 F33L 4BOUT TH1S?!

TT: Its not about you, Terezi, its about helping John, and your current behavior isnt helping anything at all, including your stress!

EB: guys im willing to help, it’s jus-

TG: doesn't help when we don’t know what happened to john. laik, did he do it or did he not do it?!

TT: That’s what we are trying ti figure out, Roxy, it’s just that this is going to take time, and we need to give him space so he can get adjusted and emotionally heal, and you two are making that quite difficult to do in the first place!

TG: bullshit! ur tellin me u had all week to figure out what the fuck went down and u still have-

GA: Would You Collection Of Inconsiderate Buffoons

GA: ♣SHUT THE EVER LOVING FUCK UP!!!♣

TT: <:X

TG:<:P TG:*<:O

CG: !!! >:O

EB: <:B

GA: ♣THE SINCERITY THAT IS MY PERSONAL DISBELIEF AT THE WITNESSING OF YOUR APPALLING MISTREATMENT OF YOUR QUADRANT-MATE IS MAKING ME ABSOLUTELY GOD DAMN FUCKING LIVID!!! NO WONDER HE TRIED TO HOMICIDE HIMSELF, HE HAS YOU TWO TO MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE LIFE ISNT WORTH LIVING TO BEGIN WITH!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU INCONCEIVABLY VEXING FUCKWIT CUNTS?!♣(♠?)

GC: 4LL R1GHT NOW SM3LL H3R3 M1SSY FUSSY F4NGS! 1 W1LL-

GA: NO! Shut! Up! Cease Your Bitching This Instant And Remain Silent Before I Literally Smack Your Shit Out Of My Hive!!!

GC: ...ok <:T

GA: You Two... You Two Are Supposed To Be His Quadrant-Mates... And Upon Learning Of His Predicament, This Is How You Treat Him? By Interrogating Him Endlessly Like He Did Something Wrong?! You Have Done Nothing But Not Even So Much As Asked Him How He Felt! You Should Be Consoling Him, Not Berating Him Like You Are Doing Now!

TG: i dont have to take this, wat do u think we’re doin? we’re tryin to help him and we’re-

TT: Actually, it seems like you two are trying to get to the bottom of things on your own terms, but from what I can tell, you two are merely panicking about it.

TG: ...

GC: ...

TG: ok... maybe we did panic a lil, and...

TG: shit i didnt this through at all did i?

EB: can i say something?

TT: Of course you may John. This situation IS literally about you.

EB: yeah, i... roxy, terezi, i don’t know what happened to me, but im being honest, i really dont know how i ended up in the tub. and since i guess you two care alot about me, you were upset over me not being open with you or something?

TT: John, its not your faul-

EB: hey! can i finish!?

TT: ...Just remember that its not your fault...go on.

EB: thanks rose. anyways... whatever is making you angry about this... its ok i think. we can just talk it out, right?

GC: ...Y34H, W3 C4N B3 R4T1ON4L 4BOUT TH1S.

TG: i just wanna kno y u didnt tell us about how you were feelin. like were u sad or some shit?

TT: AH! We can discuss all of this later, together, in a more formal setting. Otherwise, let’s just focus on relaxing. I think we should just this all emotional turmoil for when we are ready.

TG: ok! but just let me ask one serious question.

TT: If John wants to answer, then go ahead.

EB: sure rox, only under the condition u tell me y u panicked so hard that u snuck up on me to hit me with a pillow.

TG: i was... mad. thats y i rogued u.

EB: about what exactly?

TG: alot of things. things like, when i asked u to come wtih me an calliope on our tour and u said no. made me think u were mad or sad or something when rose told me bout ur... tub-nap, like i did it or something.

EB: oh... i said no because i thought you and calli wanted some space, thats all.

TG: dude! if we wanted space we would have let u know up front! i dont play that shit! i asked u to cum because we both wanted u to cum!

GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3333

TG: y u laffin?

GC: OH JUST SOM3TH1NG FUNNY 1 THOUGHT 4BOUT

TG: whateves, rez. look, john, im sorry if i made you feel bad at any point over the last few yeras, but i need u to talk to me about this sort of thing, ok? im also sorry about boppin u with a pillow, that was a dick move on my part. TG:*years

EB: its roxy, dont worry about it! you were just having a panic attack-

TG: no its not, u scared the fuck outta me, and i really... REALLY dont wanna lose u! espeically not like that! i ju-

TT: I think thats enough for now. We can have a therapy session sometimes next week. For now lets just calm down and try to have a good time together, ok?

GC: HMMMM

GA: Is There Something You Wish To Add Terezi?

GC: MMMMM, NOT H3R3. JOHN, YOU 4ND 1 W1LL T4LK L4T3R

EB: oh great, alone with the swamp monster that licks everything and rarely brushes, fan freaking tastic.

GC: W3 W1LL SP34K 4S M4T3S, 4ND NOT 4S R1V4LS, YOU D1TZ.

EB: ...... uh...

TT: Ok! We are done in here. We shouldn’t even be having this honestly rather awkward conversation in John’s bedroom of all places.

TT: Why don’t we all go downstairs and watch a movie, or play a videogame or something. I’ll order us a pizza for dinner!

GA: No.

TT: ...Kanaya, we talked about this. You can’t stop me from ordering pizza, even if you wanted to. Besides we have guests, so one more night of Italian gourmet isn’t going to kill any of us.

GA: That Is Not What I Meant, But If You Wish To Get Fat, Be Guest Rose, For I Shall Love You All The Same.

TG: pfff-fff-fft, rood~

GC: H3H3H3H3333

TT: In that case, what do you mean by “No” then?

GA: No. As In, No, We Shall Not Be Engaging In Familial Bonding. Not With Me And Not With Johnathan.

EB: really? how come?

GA: Because You And I Are Going Out Together.

EB: you mean like a date?

GA: ♣An Ashen One, Yes♣

EB: those are a thing?

GA: Yes, They Are.

GC: NOT W1THOUT 4LL THR33 P4T1C1P4NTS TH3YR3 NOT!

GA: Yes, They Are, Terezi. Especially If The Auspice Feels The Need To Punish One Member.

EB:.... uuuuuuuhh, why are we going out together?

GA: Because I Don’t Think That After This Little Fiasco Of Theirs In Reacting To News Of Your Apparent Suicide, It Would Be Wise To Avoid Rewarding Them For Such Behavior. That And In Light Of What Has Transpired, I Do Not Feel Very Comfortable Without Knowing You Are All Right On My Terms.

TG: hang, u cant just make a desicion like that, i wanna spend time with john for a while! i didnt end my vacation just to let him flounder like a depressed fish by hijmself! i came here to help fix him!

GA: That Is Not What I Saw.

TG: well, john doesent haf to go if he doesent want to, so there.

EB: ...well...

TT: It... actually would be a nice way of resetting the mood. Getting a fresh start all that. And it could give us to catch up together, Roxy! I can fill you in better and what we can do.

GC: 1T WOULD M4K3 OUR PR3D1C4M3NT R4TH3R L3SS...3MB4R4SS1NG TH4N WH4T 1T 1S. YOU D1D K1ND OF P4N1C TH3R3 4 B1T, ROX.

EB: ... i guess that is kind of a good idea. i wont if you dont want me to though cuz i really don’t want to upset you again as well as placate Kanaya and stuff along with other shenanigans maybe.

TG: ... ur fukin luky that ur kewt... fine, u go out an have a good time or somthin we’ll stay here and wait 4 u 2 come home.

EB: great, i’ll c u latr gatr!

TG: 1 more thing *mmmwah*... im sorry again... i shoulndt have been a bitch in rage or wateves~♥

EB: heh... not problem rox <:d EB:*<:D

GC: *L1CKS*

EB: AH-GOD DAMMIT TEREZI YOU FUCKING GOBLIN CRETIN!

GC: YOUR3 ST11L MY N3RD, SO DONT FORG3T TH4T... S33 YA L4T3R DUMMY~♠

GA: Very Well Then, Now That You Group Of Flighty Broads Have Been Calmed, We Can Be On Our Way. Come Along Johnathan.

EB: all righty then, cya roxy! later rose! good to c u dumbass!

*John and Kanaya Absconds*

#homestuck #heartsick #john egbert #kanaya maryam #rose lalonde #writings #roxy lalonde #terezi pyrope #long post

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femslashy · 7 years ago

Text

begin again | chapter two

It’s been three years since Baz left the sleepy Isle of Mage to attend university in London, and he hasn’t regretted a thing--except maybe leaving Simon behind. Convinced he’ll never be forgiven, Baz refuses to even visit until a frantic phone call from his stepmother sends him running home. Once there, Baz is forced to confront his past, question the future, and maybe, just maybe, get that second chance he’s always desired.

genre(s): angst+fluff+smut (in later chapters)

chapter length: 1743 words

triggers/warnings: none for this chapter

author’s note: a giant thank you to @amandaisnotwriting & @rainbowbaz for the beta/britpicking! full acknowledgments will be posted with the last chapter

(@arituzz i meant to get this chapter out on your birthday and i didn’t but it’s still dedicated to you 💜💜 happy belated bday!!)

I’m still here.

I’m still in Watford, still on the island, and I tell myself it’s because Daphne is anxious and scared, and won’t leave my father’s side. I tell myself it’s so Andrea can have a holiday alone with her girlfriend without me third-wheeling. I tell myself it's because my siblings miss me.

(I tell myself and I tell myself and I tell myself, like if I do it enough, I might actually be telling the truth.)

On the subject of Daphne, I’d nearly given her a heart attack of her own when I came down for breakfast my second day back with bruises under my eyes and swelling around my nose. She wouldn’t stop stealing glances at me as I ate my eggs, but didn’t ask any questions. (Not that I would have told her anything. As far as my parents knew, Simon and I were secondary school rivals who could barely stand to be in the same room together.) (I never bothered to correct them when those circumstances changed.)

One week—and many cold compresses from Vera—later, the swelling is gone, but the bruising still remains. I scrunch up my face at my reflection in the mirror, hissing as I remember why I shouldn't do that. Fuck Simon.

I’d just wanted to push him a bit, see if he would yell. In hindsight, I should have seen it coming. Simon’s never fought with his words, and me egging him on could have only ended one way. I just wish it hadn’t involved my nose.

I haven’t shown Andrea yet. I’m afraid she’ll think it’s the reason I’ve cancelled on our holiday. Maybe I should, actually. Then I won’t have to admit the real (much worse) reason. Except she’d just cover up the bruises and drag me to the beach anyway—one of the downsides of being friends with a makeup artist; you can never get out of social gatherings because of your appearance. (That doesn’t mean I don’t try.) (It never works.)

After determining my reflection a lost cause, I leave the bathroom, bumping into Daphne in the hallway.

“Oh, Baz,” she says once she notices it’s me, “I was just looking for you. Can you take the twins to football club again today?”

I nod, because of course I will. I can’t say I intended to spend my hols as a nanny, but I’m finding that I don’t mind all that much. It gives me something to do. (It gives me excuses.)

Normally Daphne would be the one taking them places, but my father’s heart attack had shaken her more than I’d initially realised. According to Vera, she’d been out shopping for most of the day when it happened—apparently she and my father had a row—and she’d returned just in time to see him being loaded onto an ambulance.

She’s been glued to his side since he came home. As if on cue, Cecily and Roseline—my six year old half-sisters—come tumbling out of their room. They’re followed closely by Winston, Daphne’s black and tan corgi, who makes a beeline for me almost immediately. I brace myself for an assault on my ankles, but before he can get to me Daphne’s scooping him up, admonishing him in sickening baby talk while he licks at her face. “Why is that dog so obsessed with me?” “He just wants to be your friend,” she replies, and I frown—I don’t like dogs, and I especially don’t like Winston. (This has done nothing to dissuade his love for me.)

“I don’t want to be his friend.”

Daphne just shakes her head and laughs—like she always does when I voice my opinion on her dog—and looks past me at the twins. “Are you two ready to go?”

They nod.

“Do you have your bags ready?”

Wide-eyed, they run off—presumably in the direction of the bags, and I grab the keys, rolling my eyes at Daphne as she tries to get Winston to give me a kiss goodbye.

***

We’re barely out of the garage when Cecily lunges forward and shoves a CD in my face. “Play this.”

“No,” I say flatly as I bat it away, “no, we are not listening to One Direction. And put on your seatbelt.”

“But you said no yesterday. And the day before,” she whines.

“And I’m saying it again: no.” “I’ll tell Mum you’re being mean.” “I don’t care.” “I’ll scream.” “I’d rather listen to that. Seatbelt. Now.”

“You’re in trouble,” Roseline sing-songs; Cecily drops the CD and swats at her.

“Cece! Leave her alone,” I snap.

Roseline looks smug, and Cecily sulks and kicks my seat. “I want my music.” “Put your seatbelt on.”

She does. “Can I have my music now?”

“No.”

She continues to kick my seat for the duration of the trip, sticking her tongue out whenever I glance in the rearview mirror.

It’s a long drive.

***

As soon as we arrive, the twins jump out of the car and run to the pitch, screaming and jumping around once they reach their friends. I go to say hello to Coach Minos; only it’s not Coach Minos standing next to the watercooler. It’s Simon.

“What are you doing here?”

He jumps, and the ball he’d been bouncing on his knees falls to the ground. “Hey, Baz.”

“What are you doing here?” I repeat. “Where’s Coach Minos?”

Simon shrugs. “Dunno. He just asked me to fill in, so I am.”

“But you’re terrible at football.”

“I still know how to play,” he says defensively, “I can still help. And I’m not that terrible.”

I scoff. “I think we played enough together for me to be a fair judge.”

As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I’m remembering how those games usually ended—with tackles and kisses and me accusing him of cheating. (Judging by the look on Simon’s face, so is he.)

“I, um, I have to go now. The kids need me. I’ll be…” he points in the direction of the pitch, “there.”

“Right. And I’ll be…” I gesture to the stands where the other parents are sat, “there.”

Simon nods and jogs off. I force myself not to watch his retreating figure (or the way his back muscles flex under his shirt) and find a place to sit down, away from everyone. I spend the next hour pretending to be engrossed with my phone, and trying not to stare at Simon.

(I don’t succeed.)

***

After that, Simon is everywhere.

At the pharmacy when I’m picking up Mordelia’s allergy medication. At the bakery where he swipes two of my scones. Still filling in for Coach Minos at the twins’ football club. Running on the beach where I’m playing with Alfie. Stopping his run to build a sandcastle with Alfie. Knocking over said sandcastle with Alfie and immediately earning himself a best friend for life. (Which isn’t that impressive, considering Alfie’s three and loves everyone.)

I’m lying on the floor in my room when my phone buzzes in my jacket pocket, alerting me to a new message from Andrea, my flatmate back in London. (I suppose you could call her my best friend—she does—but that’s such a juvenile term that I avoid it whenever possible.) (Which is always.)

hows the isle of exbfs

Don’t call it that. Boring.

masochist just come home if its that terrible

I didn’t say it was terrible.

I almost pocket my phone then, mostly because I don’t want to deal with her questions right now, and a little bit because I’m afraid I’ll spill everything.

Andrea’s shockingly good at getting me to confess things.

I saw Simon today.

(Sometimes without even trying.)

!!! is that good??

My fingers hover over the screen as I contemplate my answer. I don’t know

are u going to see him again?? I’m not. wht not??? *why

Because it’s not like that. I didn’t mean to see him.

but u wanted to u wanted to see him right??

It’s not like that. We’re not like that.

but u want to be I don’t want to talk about it. Her next message is just a picture, one of those inspirational quotes that she’s so fond of. It reads: Everything you want is on the other side of fear. The paper is grey and the frame is black, stark against the white wall. It’s very aesthetic, very Andrea, and very much not what I want to think about right now. I scowl as I type my response. I’m not scared. She responds with a gif of a laughing duck. alright luv And it’s not what you think. I don’t want Simon. who mentioned wanting simon ths isnt about wanting simon Andrea. i didnt bring up wanting simon u brought up wanting god baz stop talking about wanting simon all the time its embarrassing ur better than thsi grosd *gross baz baz basil dont be scared basil basilton bazzybazzybazzy i know ur reading these philippa says i need to leave you alone now oh she just took her top off what a clever distraction

The messages stop after that (thank you Philippa), and I set my phone back on my stomach. The floor isn’t the most comfortable place to lie down, but I can’t bring myself to get on the bed. It’s bad enough that I have to sleep there, in the ancient four-poster, with its dark red canopy, and gargoyles. (An excessive amount of gargoyles, really.)

I’m weighing up the pros and cons of sleeping on the floor when I feel a new message coming through. I snort and pick it up to tease Andrea about finishing too quickly—except it’s not from her.

I didn’t even know Simon still had my number, if I’m honest, and my heart is pounding in my ears as I read his words.

If I answer this, if I say yes, then we’ll cross the line from casual-friends-who-bump-into-each-other-sometimes to Friends Who Text, and there’ll be no going back—not without the potential for fallout. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I even want to do. My hands are shaking so badly that I can feel my phone beginning to slip from my grasp.

Everything you want is on the other side of fear. I take a deep breath, curse Andrea for jinxing me, and reply.

chapter three

#snowbaz #carry on #snowbaz fanfiction #carry on fanfiction #fic begin again #track that tag to stay updated!#exes to lovers

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