#the core of dazai's character

[bungobble-my-balls]

OK correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like the main 'yin/yang' parallel with Atsushi and Akutagawa is not something like 'this one is bad but secretly has a good side and this one is good but secretly has a bad side'.

I feel like it's more about 'who they are at their core vs who they choose to be'.

At his core Akutagawa is kind and at his core Atsushi is not. But despite this Atsushi tries every day to make the kinder choices and I love him so much for it. He has to work so hard to be good.

He wants to be a bitch SO bad I know he does but he tries his best to help people and be nice (sometimes he fails but that's OK <3)

Atsushi doesn't always WANT to help people, a lot of the time he's selfish and scared, but he does help people anyway. He keeps helping people over and over again. There's still some selfish motivation to it, and his initial motivation for helping people was because the headmaster told him that's all he was worth, but overall he does care about the people he helps and it weighs on him if he fails to save them. And of course, as the series goes on he starts helping people more because he can rather than because he feels like he needs to.

In Akutagawa's case, he's still capable of being kind but his environment led him into being someone who chooses to hurt people. But he's always been a protector at heart. In the start he was bad compared to Atsushi because he was choosing to hurt people and keep the cycle of abuse going. Just like how Atsushi developed in why he saved people, Akutagawa starts to get redeemed when he chooses to not just act on his rage. Not only does he start to spare people, but he speaks more kindly to them (apologising to Higuchi and telling Kyouka he's proud of her). It all culminates into the moment he chooses to help Atsushi and sacrifice himself for him, going back to his core value of being a protector. Even when he's finally revived, he keeps this role in his new position as Aya's Knight.

I kind of see the streaks of white in Akutagawa and the streaks of black in Atsushi not as their 'hidden sides' but as their fundamental selfs. That's who they are at their core, and their main colours (black for Akutagawa and white for Atsushi) are how they're presented to everyone else and how they try to have people see them as.

[philzokman]

it would be a little bit funny if asagiri killed dazai off breast style ykim

[kowwpow]

The new chapter has put me through a range of emotions.

😰😭😄😟🤯😭😭😭😭😭

[musicalmoritz]

Every time I see a Dazai hate post I have to take a deep breath and remind myself not to argue because I will inevitably just end up using a lot of flowery words to call op an idiot

[thanonymousotp]

i need more friends who know both bsd and drgl so i can force them to recognize this insane brain rot ive been having. GOD. i wish i could think abt literally anything else. grahhghh. bungou stray dogs is genuinely so good tho so if uve been thinking abt watching it this is ur sign to do so

[ryuucam]

HANDS OFF !

˓𓄹 ࣪˖ what’s their favorite part of your body? multi-fandom scenario

contains nsfw (duh), oral (both receiving and giving), handjobs, boobjobs/paizuri, marking (a disgusting amount tbf), lots of spit, nipple play, breeding, bondage (m! receiving YES!!!) sub!character but idk if anyone minds actually, ass slapping + ass play, last part is shorter bc i had no more ideas ..

notes writers block is so real u guys .. also i just spent 20€ on hsr somebody sedate me!!!! please!!!! (gallagher and sunday are almost in all of those i need a lobotomy)

he likes your HANDS, likes the way they’re smaller and softer than his. loves when you run them through his hair, even when you pinch his cheeks (even if they end up red and swollen after).

he’s the type of person that loves holding your hand during sex. it doesn’t matter if he’s being rough, or if it’s just gentle lovemaking, you best believe your hand is getting held tightly by his. it’s comforting, grounding, it shows you that he’s here, no matter what, and you can trust him to take care of you. when his hands are busy doing other things (such as keeping your legs open or restraining you from squirming so much), he likes having your hands holding onto his shoulders, or cupping his face, anything’s fine as long as you keep touching him.

handjobs are his guilty pleasure. sure, they may be nothing over the top, but he thinks there’s nothing as arousing as having your small hand (or hands) wrapped around his cock, doing your best to bob them up and down, even if the amount of precum he’s leaking makes everything so sticky and wet. he just sits back, enamored with the little huffs and puffs you let out every once in a while, struggling to grab his whole cock. but that’s what makes you so charming to him, how cute you look when you’re so intent on nursing on his dick, how you whine at him to just help you out. he’s not a mean man, but just this once he’ll just sit in silence watching you.

kaeya, ayato, alhaitham, kaveh, neuvillette, lyney, childe, kinich (genshin impact) welt, sampo, luocha, jiaoqiu, aventurine, gallagher, phainon, anaxa (honkai star rail) chigiri, kunigami, nagi, itoshi sae, kaiser (blue lock) byakuya, nagito, kokichi, rantaro (danganronpa) mikey (lazy ass), chifuyu, ran (lazy ass n2), nahoya “angry”, kokonoi (tokyo revengers) dazai, ranpo, fukuzawa, tachihara, odasaku, jouno, nikolai (bungou stray dogs) deku, aizawa, sero, mirio, dabi (my hero academia) hinata, oikawa, iwaizumi, matsukawa, semi, kenma, yaku, akaashi, suna (haikyuu) whitney, syndey, wren, brian (degrees of lewdity) gojo, shiu, nanami, sukuna (jujutsu kaisen)

he likes your THIGHS, and likes napping on them even more. regardless of how much he likes to laze around, the soft skin always lulls him into a deep sleep. and when he’s not sleeping, he’s tracing countless patterns on them as he talks about his day - or listens to yours. he bites you sometimes, then licks and kisses the skin better. call him a freak, but he’d die for your thighs, no questions asked.

have you guys ever seen those memes that are like “i’d be happy to die crushed by my gf’s thighs”? that’s him. point blank. he spends hours and hours between your legs, overstimulating you to the point of tears, and the more you cry and try to close your legs the more he enjoys it and keeps going. he starts by kissing your legs, inching closer and closer to your core, leaving numerous hickeys and bite marks all over your inner thighs. when he starts sucking and licking your clit, his hands squeeze the fat of your thighs, further bruising the flesh. you can’t even get mad at him, really, because the massages and creams and who-knows-what he gives you during aftercare makes up for it.

when you’re not feeling like having full on sex, you both agreed on letting him fuck your thighs. it’s a win-win, really, since he gets off and you can lay down and rest (as much as you can while having your boyfriend rutting in your legs from the back, to be fair). the slick coats your skin, making it easy for his cock to slide in and out of your thighs. his tip peeks out from the front, red and throbbing while he overstimulates himself. he groans in your ears, about how “you feel so fuckin’ good, sweetheart, you’re such a doll for letting me fuck you like this”. well, you can’t really resist him when he’s like this, so when his cock doesn’t go down after the nth orgasm he’s had, you just tell him to fuck you properly. he can’t wait.

diluc, albedo, xiao, gaming, zhongli, kazuha, thoma, wanderer, pantalone, childe (genshin impact) caelus, dan heng, dr ratio, moze (honkai star rail) isagi, bachira, rin, sendou (blue lock) makoto, kiyotaka, gundham, hajime, shuichi (danganronpa) mikey, kazutora, inui, mitsuya, souya “angry” (tokyo revengers) atsushi, tanizaki, chuuya, tecchou, sigma, mark twain, poe (bungou stray dogs) kaminari, tokoyami, shinsou, monoma, tamaki, hawks (my hero academia) kageyama, yamaguchi, hanamaki, sugawara, goshiki, fukunaga, bokuto, atsumu (haikyuu) kylar, robin, doren, mason, alex (degrees of lewdity) choso, ino, gojo, geto (jujutsu kaisen)

he likes your BOOBS. a worrying amount, actually. he feels like a teenage boy all over again, but he can’t help the way his eyes always drop down to your cleavage (regardless of the shirt you’re wearing, or lack of thereof). his hands are always grabbing your chest, squeezing the fat like they’re stress balls, and he won’t stop unless you whine enough or he’s satisfied (very unlikely). he could spend his whole life tugging and circling on your nipples, sucking on them, biting your tits, anything, really. and obviously your boobs end up swollen, bruised and overstimulated, but can you really be mad at him, though, when he looks at you like a kicked puppy?

a while ago, one of his friends showed him a video of this dude fucking his girlfriend’s tits, and the thought hasn’t left his head ever since. not to say he doesn’t like your pussy, or mouth, but there’s just something so lewd, so messed up about sliding his cock in and out of your boobs. he’s lucky to be dating a cutie like you, honestly, since you let him do just that. he’s a freak, he knows it, but your tits are just so soft, so warm and tight and wet that his dick slides against them so well. sometimes you’re sweet enough to take his tip into your mouth, licking and suckling on it, spreading precum all over your lips. he’s a meanie, though, cumming all over your tits and face. other times, he just rubs his cock all over your chest, pace quickening against your nipples. and no matter how many times he cums, his dick always gets hard again when he sees your doe eyes and pretty tits. be patient with him, yeah?

having you ride him is definitely one of his favorite positions, since it’s a win-win for both of you: you’re taking all of his cock (or at least, you try to), and he has your tits bouncing right in his face. yeah, having you twitch and squirt all over is length is nice (well, more than just nice, but you get my point), but he’s so mesmerized by your boobs. as stated above, he’s no better than a teenage boy, and just a handful of tits is enough to get him going and cumming deep inside you. sometimes he grabs your chest, sucks on your nipples hard enough to bruise them, but when you get sick of all the marks and spit, your best bet is to just tie his hands up. all he can do is whine, “c’mon baby, don’t be so mean. just wanna touch you” and “you’re bein’ so mean to me, i’ll be good, yeah?”, but you know him well enough to know they’re all lies. well, all the more reason to take control for once, no? he does deserve a little punishment every once in a while.

venti, kazuha, ayato, ororon, wriothesley, capitano, dainsleif (genshin impact) caelus, luka, gepard, jing yuan, boothill, moze, blade, gallagher, sunday, mydei, phainon (honkai star rail) isagi, aiku, reo, ness, nagi, rin itoshi, sendou (blue lock) mondo, nagito, kazuichi, korekiyo, kokichi (danganronpa) baji, kazutora, ran, shinichiro, izana, inui, hakkai, draken (tokyo revengers) dazai, ranpo, akutagawa, chuuya, fyodor, nikolai, jouno (bungou stray dogs) deku, shoji, bakugo, todoroki, sero, tamaki, monoma, shigaraki (my hero academia) kuroo, fukunaga, kageyama, tsukishima, osamu, kita, bokuto, sakusa, iwaizumi (haikyuu) kylar, robin, eden, sydney (degrees of lewdity) toji, gojo, higuruma, choso (jujutsu kaisen)

he likes your ASS. it’s a classic: who doesn’t? he likes laying his head on it, likes groping it when you’re wearing short, or skirts, or… never mind, he’s always touching it. whistles when you walk by, slaps it when he passes by you. call him childish but he could care less.

most of the time, he’s fucking you from behind, just so he can see the fat of your ass recoil and bounce when it hits his pelvis. he’s so rough, but he just can’t stop when you’re wrapped so tightly around him, not when the room is filled with the squelching sounds of your cunny. when you whine too much, he just slaps your ass, leaving big, red handprints on it, but he knows you don’t mind it. you won’t mind if he sticks his thumb inside your puckered hole, right? he doesn’t care about that “embarrassing” nonsense you keep on blabbering about, just let him take care of you. you seem to cum harder when he’s playing with your hole, anyways.

kaeya, dottore, tighnari, alhaitham, itto, zhongli, pantalone, childe (genshin impact) sampo, jing yuan, gallagher, mr reca, mydei, boothill, anaxa (honkai star rail) leon, gundham, kaito, k1bo (danganronpa) sae (canon), aiku, kunigami, barou (blue lock) baji, nahoya “angry”, draken, rindou, kakucho, mitsuya (tokyo revengers) kunikida, tachihara, jouno, mark twain (bungou stray dogs) bakugo, kirishima, aizawa, mirio, overhaul (my hero academia) bokuto, ushijima, hinata, yaku (haikyuu) bailey, sirris, mason, wren (degrees of lewdity) geto, shiu, gojo (jujutsu kaisen)

[jinxie-117]

Shin Soukoku: Why BSD cannot be told without Atsushi and Akutagawa

How's everyone feeling after chapter 121.5? Pretty great, right? Pretty SSKK-brained, right? Well, I've got good news for you - Atsushi and Akutagawa are absolutely the emotional core of Bungou Stray Dogs.

That's right chat - whether you ship them or not, these two are absolutely fundamental to the entirety of BSD. Take whatever perspective you want on them - as lovers, as friends, as rivals who despise each other fundamentally but learn to trust one another - these two and their relationship cannot be separated from the overarching themes of their tale.

Naturally, I will be using the mainline manga as reference, as I believe it to be the best source for the overall story of BSD as well as information on Akutagawa and Atsushi's characters (since the light novels and spinoff mangas tend to focus predominantly on characters like Dazai and Chuuya, and BEAST doesn't count). Obviously, spoilers for everything. So, with that in mind, let's begin:

What is BSD about?

Many people would agree that one of the main themes of Bungou Stray Dogs is the value of a human life. Numerous characters struggle with issues surrounding their right to even be alive (Atsushi, Dazai, Akutagawa, Kyouka, Yosano, I mean the list goes on), their status as a human being (Dazai, Chuuya, Akutagawa, Sigma, and arguably Fyodor), or the amount of life required to be taken in order for the 'greater good' (most specifically the conflict between Fukuzawa and Fukuchi, but also Fyodor).

Pretty much every character in Bungou Stray Dogs struggles with some sort of suicidality or has assigned themselves a purpose that they must never stray from (Kunikida and his ideals come to mind - he believes he should not live unless he can follow the exact principles that he has composed for himself), causing them to equate the value of their lives to this one purpose.

It makes sense, then, that three of the most major villains we've had so far - Fitzgerald, Fyodor, and Fukuchi - have their own ways of cheating death: Fitzgerald in his quest to use the Book and resurrect his daughter, Fyodor with his ability, and Fukuchi with Shintou Amenogozen. What's more, all of them aim to cause immense loss of life (Fyodor is willing to kill anyone and everyone in pursuit of purging sin, Fitzgerald didn't mind loss of life in pursuit of money, power, and access to the Book, and although Fukuchi is ultimately on a smaller scale, he still aimed to kill a large number of people in order to achieve his ideal of peace). The value of a human life is the most sacred thing in this world, and so being able to cheat your own death while causing many others is naturally the most evil thing to do by this world's rules.

A final thing to note that, despite every character believing in some divine (especially in Fyodor's case) purpose for themselves that will finally give their life value, this purpose tends to cause more harm to themselves and others than they would care to admit. Kunikida's ideals especially (I keep using him as an example, it's because I recently read Dazai's entrance exam lmao) are emphasised as ridiculous and overdone, and his rigidity frequently causes him harm. This self-destruction brought on by purpose will become especially relevant as we move on to discuss our two beautiful boys:

Atsushi Nakajima: Useless Self-Pity

News to the people of the world - Atsushi is my favourite character in all of Bungou Stray Dogs. He is perfect to me and I love him. Many people I encounter on the internet have some sort of quantum beef with this man, which I can only assume is because they see in him that their own self-hatred and pity can cause harm, and get extremely butthurt about the fact that self-flagellating does nothing for them. I, however, have no such qualms, and thus I can see that he is certified peak.

One of Atsushi's major flaws, despite all his kindnesses, is that he cannot fathom a reason why he should be allowed to live, and constantly searches for that reason in other people. For a long time, he based his entire worth around the orphanage headmaster's opinion of him, as he was his only involved guardian - and thus, as a result of his abuse, believed himself worthless. Upon leaving home (or more accurately, being forcibly removed), he no longer had a purpose to live, but his survival instincts kept him alive for long enough to meet Dazai.

Meeting Dazai and joining the detective agency was only a short solace - because Atsushi, who wanted to live but truly believed that he did not deserve to, was now on the hunt for a new reason to live: protecting others.

It makes sense that in a high-stakes environment that Atsushi sees the only value of his life as protecting other people. This is first demonstrated during his entrance exam, in chapter two, when this freak of nature jumps on top of a bomb in order to protect the people around him. This seems to earn him approval from others (which he believes is his reason to live, for people to give him their approval and thus confirm he is allowed to exist), so he begins to participate in more battles and save more people's lives and generally act in defence of other people in order to earn his right to be alive.

There is more to be said here, but maybe I'll make a post only about Atsushi some other time. Moving on, one of the main drawbacks of Atsushi's desperation to live and his belief that he needs to protect others, is that he suffers from his main weakness in times of stress - dwelling on the past. Despite possessing the capability to protect and fulfil his purpose, Atsushi will freeze up and begin to spiral into self-hatred whenever anything goes wrong for him.

This is most obvious in the latest chapters, when witnessing all of his friends in the ADA die at the hands of Ame No Gozen and Dostoevsky. He seems entirely unable to take any action and fight back, believing his foe to be insurmountable, despite Fyodor's confirmation that this may not be the case:

So, we've established Atsushi's weakness as his inaction, passivity, and self-hatred. It makes him often useless in battle, and prevents him from creating a purpose for himself and interacting with the value of his life in a healthy way. Instead of protecting others and maintaining his own self worth, he fails to protect others, demolishes his self worth, and thus attempts increasingly dangerous and reckless ways to prove that his life has value. Most notably uh....

This suicide is demonstrative of Atsushi's terrible self-image. He foolishly believes that his life will have value if he literally kills himself, despite the fact that his life will no longer have value if he cannot do anything with it. Atsushi's belief that self-sacrifice is noble when he should be aiming to preserve as many lives as possible, including his own, is the culmination of every scrap of self-hatred he's been developing over the course of the entire story.

However, this can also be perceived also a good act - for once, Atsushi takes action instead of protecting mindlessly, and I will get into how this relates back to Akutagawa and how he teaches him how to take action instead of dwelling on the past, but that's for a later section. Either way, this act of self-sacrifice is both Atsushi moving onward in his character arc - learning how to take action in times of stress, instead of standing still, but also remaining stagnant - he refuses to preserve his own life, preferring instead to sacrifice it in the name of his purpose.

So, to move things along...

Ryuunosuke Akutagawa: Mindless Self-Servitude

More news to the world - you're never gonna guess which BSD character I relate to the most. This freak. This section will hopefully be a little shorter because this post is really dragging on, but no promises!

Akutagawa was very dissociated for the first years of his life - but he still had a purpose right up until his friends died. Being the strongest in his group of children in the slums, he was their assigned protector, and believed this to be his only purpose. It is the loss of this purpose that managed to break the haze around his emotions and first experience hatred - before it causes him to realise he has no reason to go on.

Immediately, Akutagawa takes up a new purpose - to prove his strenght to Dazai. Dazai personally tailors this purpose himself, ensuring that Akutagawa's entire sense of self-worth is dependent on him, willing to sacrifice any hope or joy that he might have had a chance at feeling. At the same time, however, Akutagawa despises Dazai for his treatment, being at least partially cognisant of his abuse, and wishes to kill him - thus creating a paradox in which he shall always wish to destroy his reason for live, but never be able to out of fear of losing said reason to live.

It is pretty important to note that I do not think Akutagawa wishes to die, unlike Atsushi who wholly believes that he should. Rather, Akutagawa becomes what he sees as a heartless monster when he is without a purpose, and thinks that he shall rot away on his own without one, as he believed that he did as a child in the slums, one day away from death at all times (now no longer being wholly aware that he was a fierce protector and once saw that as his reason to live). As a result, he adopts a philosophy that Dazai introduces him to - that the weak shall die, and the strong shall live, and that he better hope to be strong.

So, Akutagawa's worst weakness is that he despises the weak and will quickly and recklessly cut them down, refusing to sheath his sword, as he believes those strong enough to be worthy of life shall be able to hold their own against him in battle. Rather, instead of diminishing his own life in pursuit of saving others, Akutagawa diminishes others' lives in pursuit of saving his own. He acts recklessly and impulsively, underestimating his foes, the opposite of how Atsushi acts. He is actively called out on this by Pushkin upon encountering him:

To rub salt in the wound, earlier this chapter Atsushi calls him out on it multiple times, and Dazai calls him out on it for about... two years straight. So we can parse that Akutagawa really doesn't know how to slow down or quit, always dealing with the present and the now, believing that mass destruction will be a proof of his strength that he can then demonstrate to Dazai and earn his right to live.

This purpose, however, actively harms Akutagawa - in particular, it removes from him his humanity. He is repeatedly referred to as some kind of dog (see: the heartless cur, the silent mad dog, the black-fanged hellhound, the list goes on), and treated like his only use is to fight - which he genuinely believes, and so exists only to hurt and fight others. This causes a vicious cycle - Akutagawa hurts others recklessly -> gets called out on hurting others recklessly and denounced as a dog that doesn't know how to do anything else -> he internalises this idea of not knowing how to do anything but kill -> he continues to hurt others recklessly.

So, we have Akutagawa who will kill others to prove he is strong and thus allowed to live, and Atsushi who will kill himself to prove that he can protect and thus allowed to live. What a pair! So let's get onto the main event that shouldn't have taken this long.

Shin Soukoku: To me, you've always had a right to live

This post isn't about it, but the amount of panels these two have together where they are perfectly mirroring each other is wholly unsubtle. I've never seen anything like it. It is totally ridiculous.

To create an effective narrative foil, one must first create as many similarities between two characters as they can. So let's begin:

Both studied under Dazai

Both struggle with a flimsy reason to live

Both have all-devouring beasts that can cut through things most people wouldn't be able to as their ability

Both think themselves worthless save for one thing

Both are haunted by pasts of physical abuse that cause violence to be their accepted norm

Both feel their emotions very strongly

There's more but I've been at this post for two hours

These similarities, especially the one surrounding their reason to live, are very accessibly noticed in another human being. Overall, both of these two need to learn how to dispense of their current reasons to live, which tend to hinge on another person and a set of narrow-minded ideas (in Atsushi's case, protecting everybody, and in Akutagawa's, the strong needing to defeat the weak).

As a result of being able to notice these flaws very easily in another (having only subconsciously noticed it in themselves), these two do not get along, and repeatedly call each other out on foolish behaviour, enabling each other to improve. This looks slightly different on either side, so I'll go one-by-one.

Let's begin with Atsushi's side of the deal, because I talked about him first. As we established earlier, what he needs to learn is to take action, stop dwelling on his past, and view his life as something worth holding onto, as all human life has value.

The one thing Akutagawa absolutely despises about Atsushi is his absolute unwillingness to take any action at all.

Akutagawa, who is so used to moving forward and fighting and acting in the now, hates Atsushi for being able to dwell on his past and still have Dazai's approval. It fills him with complete and utter rage, and so he unwittingly motivates Atsushi to learn how to take proper action.

Another example is on the boat, when Atsushi's resolve is failing, and he comes to assist.

Ah, the famous line. Unironically though, it is perfectly demonstrative of Akutagawa's ability to instil self-confidence in Atsushi and motivate him into taking action - which does work later on when Atsushi saves Akutagawa from an inevitable death at the hands of Fukuchi, allowing them both to escape with their lives (for now):

So, good job Akutagawa! You've managed to teach Atsushi the power of not sitting around being dead miserable, not doing anything about the things that are visibly going wrong all around him. You know, I bet this won't have any other consequences for both you and him!

Oh, hey, Akutagawa. Guess what else you taught him:

So. We've already established why this is kind of an... issue. But as we can visibly see, Atsushi is able to take action. For the first time in several chapters, he is motivated by the prospective death of the man who warned against his passivity, into acting, not sitting by and watching everybody he cares for die, acting. Akutagawa, whose recklessness and impulsivity Atsushi once criticised, seems to be the one thing that enables him to take action after a period of extreme self-doubt and passivity.

This is especially special because Atsushi is motivated into this action by hallucination Dazai, who was once the hallucination of the orphanage director - who is now, at least implicitly, revealed to be Byakko, or Atsushi's tiger (if I am proven wrong on this then it's SO joever but whatever my theory still holds up). Throughout the entire story, Byakko is used as a metaphor for Atsushi's self-image (which I will possibly go into in another post because I'll be here all day if I do it now). So, if hallucination Dazai motivates Atsushi into acting, that means that Akutagawa has pressured him enough that he has literally permanently altered his self-concept. Insane.

Another thing that Akutagawa criticises Atsushi for is his belief that other people need to be protected, and that he can destroy himself for the sake of others, and thus earn a right to live. He demonstrates this particularly in chapter 35:

Akutagawa's main philosophy is that he who is the strongest shall come out on top, and that sacrificing anything for others is useless. So, he's (still in the process of) teaching Atsushi how to live for himself and look out for himself, which he is able to do whenever they fight against each other, and also when they fight with others - the combination of their abilities is incredibly powerful, and also represents Akutagawa giving up his defences and giving them to Atsushi, thus teaching him how to look out for himself.

This absolutely comes to fruition when Akutagawa sacrifices himself for Atsushi on the boat against Fukuchi and tells him to get away while he still can - however you slice it, he is unintentionally teaching Atsushi that he has the right to live and that Akutagawa is willing to die for it - that it doesn't matter if he protects or if he doesn't, that no matter what happens, he deserves to live. And these guys hate each other! What the hell???

Another thing to note is that now that Atsushi is presumably dead from Akutagawa's POV, he is very visibly devastated, even being able to recall his memories upon seeing the man who he fought so hard to defend take his own life. Should they reunite, I imagine that Akutagawa will be at least slightly angry with Atsushi for sacrificing himself like that - thus moving his arc of self-preservation forward.

Now, let's move onto Akutagawa's side of the deal, after that incredibly long amount of time spent on Atsushi's end.

Akutagawa believes that he does not have the right to go on unless he can prove his strength, specifically to Dazai, and does this via cutting down anything in his path.

Atsushi cannot shut up about how idiotic Akutagawa's impulsivity is. We see this on several occasions, the usually kind Atsushi devolving into downright bitchiness at points:

These are only two examples, because I didn't want to have to go chapter hopping that many times. Sorry chat.

Regardless, Akutagawa needs to be taught how to take things slow and learn how to preserve life instead of absolutely demolishing it. This comes to fruition via the six-month promise that Atsushi forces him to make, playing upon Akutagawa's principles and forcing him to not kill anyone for several months. Akutagawa begrudgingly follows through, and ends up successfully managing it right up until his death at the hands of Fukuchi. In addition, it could be argued that this same impulse-control Atsushi insists on inspiring in Akutagawa is what allows him to be able to stay hidden through most of the terrorist arc. Had the promise not existed, he likely would have killed to get his way, and ended up mistakenly revealed.

So, similar to how Akutagawa unintentionally motivates Atsushi to take action, Atsushi unintentionally motivates Akutagawa to slow things down and avoid impulsively killing. He is able to ensure Akutagawa's sword is sheathed when necessary, a feat that even Dazai couldn't achieve.

In addition, while I'd say the 'Dazai's approval' conflict is still in murky waters with Akutagawa, as he's only just recalled Atsushi and it's unclear if he's recalled anything else, Atsushi unwittingly motivates Akutagawa into reducing his impulsivity by allowing him to realise that Dazai won't be pleased by it:

While this exchange can be interpreted as Akutagawa resigning himself to Dazai's hatred of him, we do see him later postpone the killing of the two guards, both because this mission is literally made to work against him (if the guards die, a signal is sent out) and because Atsushi is constantly pulling him up on his shit.

In addition to this, Atsushi teaches Akutagawa a very important thing - that the lives of the weak matter. This is such an insane breakthrough for Akutagawa's character, also represented by the six-month promise. Despite how he's operated all this time, he learns to see Atsushi - who he has perceived as weak all this time due to his constant self pity - as a valuable ally and a life that matters, even sacrificing himself for him in the end.

Akutagawa sacrificing himself for Atsushi is such an insane move because he has never conceptualised something close to doing anything like that before, not once in his life. Atsushi, through all they have been through together, has reawakened the protective instinct in him that hasn't been active since he was a child. This is directly after Fukuchi attempts to convince him to work for him, too - right after he promises strength and Dazai's approval and everything Akutagawa has ever wanted.

Indeed, his life is that important. It is directly after this exchange that Akutagawa and Atsushi are able to trust each other to launch the surprise attack on Fukuchi, only stopped by the fact that his sword can literally exist outside of space and time. For the life of a weak man, Akutagawa gives up all he ever wanted. He gives up Dazai's approval, which he says that he fears dying without. He gives up a chance to become stronger. He gives up his life, which he so desperately wants to live. All for a weak man. All for somebody who he doesn't believe should live, if he cannot beat another in battle.

This is especially evident in the fact that despite the fact he's lost all of his memories, Akutagawa still adheres to the promise that he made to Atsushi. He has learned to respect the weak enough that he refuses to take a life, even when he is visibly winning in battle. And even though he was inspired by Bram, I would like to point out that Akutagawa has sworn his sword to protect others now, a promise that he will still likely adhere to despite the fact he now retains his memories - after all, we still see him in his knight getup at the end of S5E11, which is at least partially symbolic of his pledge.

In addition, Akutagawa is a character who is likely foreign with grief now that he's basically removed himself from the memories of what happened to him and to his friends in the slums - he never mentions his past, and is very visibly attempting to distance himself from it by engaging with luxury items such as antiques, and enjoying food such as figs, which can be seen as somewhat luxury depending on the context.

However, when Atsushi seemingly dies, he is absolutely devastated, something that I do not think we've seen him be for anything not related to Dazai (correct me if I'm wrong, but this depth of reaction isn't usually present in him). He, who never feels grief, likely because he believes those who die are weak and thus have it coming, is so shocked by Atsushi's death that he regains his memories and feels utter despair at the idea of losing him.

Conclusion

So, Atsushi and Akutagawa, both characters whose reason to live is deeply intertwined in their outlook on life, are able to balance out and improve each other's characteristics tenfold. I imagine as the manga progresses that both of them will teach each other the value of their own lives simply for existing, something that the overarching story of BSD seems to be trying to communicate.

Shin Soukoku is a perfect microcosm of the overall themes of BSD, representing the one question from which the entire story stems. Without these two, this particular theme would mean nothing, considering there would be literally no relatable plane to experience it on. Sure, we can acknowledge that millions of people dying is bad, and accept that human life is valuable through Fukuchi and Fyodor and Fitzgerald, who all attempt to demonstrate the opposite - but without Akutagawa and Atsushi, it wouldn't nearly mean as much.

I am sorry that this post was so long! If you stuck to the end you are an angel sent from the very heavens. Don't be afraid to reblog or comment your thoughts, this is just my opinion and I would love a discussion. If there are any typos I'm also sorry I've been sitting here for three hours trying to collect sources and write. But actually I'm not sorry cos I'm really based

[caldera1000-7]

Continuation or more of a clean-up of my previous post, with less imagery.

One possible reason for Akutagawa's actions could be that he has come to see value in a life beyond his own. In Beast, we saw him attempting to teach those who killed his friends the value of life through killing them. However, in doing so, he lost his own way and failed to recognize that he never truly demonstrated the value of his sister’s life—or even his own—due to his recklessness. By the time he realized this, it was too late and took a lot of...well beast's drama to make him realize that, and ultimately the way he thinks and the psychology used in beast is one of the best portrayals of akutagawa as a character.

In the current timeline, of the mainline manga, to do with the above image, the answer may lie in the idea that, after everything, he has come to see value in Atsushi’s life: a life other than his own, someone similar yet fundamentally different—a true counterpart, the other side of the coin.

This could be seen as a way for Akutagawa to, in a sense, save himself or his past self. Unlike when he expressed being glad for Kyouka, this time, it is different. Here, his actions seem to reflect a profound shift, one where he acknowledges the importance of another’s survival beyond his own goals and desires.

Dazai himself stated that he knew why Akutagawa would save Atsushi. Throughout the series, it has been evident how much the two have grown from their dynamic and how their relationship has evolved. Beast provided further insight into how they might function even as friends. Their role as the successful Soukoku is something particularly compelling. Looking at previous partnerships—Mori and Fukuzawa, who stand in stark contrast and could never work together; Dazai and Chuuya, who were forced into collaboration despite their differences but remained reliable comrades when it counted—we see how these pairings reflect their respective dynamics. In contrast, Akutagawa and Atsushi embody the Yin-Yang balance. Their designs alone reinforce this contrast, illustrating how they either complement or challenge each other. While SSKK (Shin-Soukoku) may not be the best term for their unique balance, their development is undeniably profound.

From the very beginning, Akutagawa and Atsushi’s interactions have been charged with conflict, misunderstanding, and eventual growth. Akutagawa was shaped by Dazai’s ruthless mentorship, learning to equate strength with worth and mercilessness with survival. Atsushi, on the other hand, struggled with deep-seated self-loathing instilled by the orphanage director’s abuse, believing he was unworthy of love or existence. Their clashes stemmed from these core beliefs—Akutagawa saw Atsushi as a weakling unfit to be recognized by Dazai, while Atsushi saw Akutagawa as a monster incapable of redemption. However, their battles forced them to confront these misconceptions. Over time, they each began to understand that their value was not defined by Dazai’s recognition, nor by how they were treated in the past. Instead, their growth came from the challenges they faced together.

Many theories surround Akutagawa’s memory loss, but here, he is undeniably fulfilling the role of a protector—mirroring the ideals of Knight Akutagawa. Looking back, he has always had a protective streak, as seen with his deceased friends in the slums. Furthermore, Rashomon is not only an offensive ability but also a defensive one, reflecting his dual nature—capable of shielding both himself and others. This aligns with his evolution as a character, one who has always been a guardian in his own way, even if it wasn’t always apparent. Additionally, Rashomon’s adaptability is a direct parallel to Akutagawa himself; while he initially wielded it purely as a weapon of destruction, as it is shown to be, to devour everything in its way. But it also protects him with its shielding and defensive capabilities, and a knight both fights and defends for others - but besides that and making any connections there I would have to say, we all could already see his ability comes from - his coat, his clothes, his "protection" which he feels to vulnerable without (reason why he doesn't like baths.) And not to mention the moment where Dazai shot him 3 times for failing a mission and Rashomon automatically acted to defend him. His character is built on themes of survival, how the environment shaped him etc. afterall.

Akutagawa’s death had a significant impact on Atsushi, not just from a shipping perspective, but from a purely narrative and analytical standpoint. This moment is one of the most defining in the series. It also makes complete sense that Akutagawa would regain some—or even all—of his memories afterward. He had spent so long fixated on killing Atsushi, with their agreement hinging on his ability to refrain from taking lives for six months before their ultimate confrontation. This duel, if it still occurs, could parallel their fight in Beast in a meaningful way.

This act of self-sacrifice marks a crucial turning point for Akutagawa. His life had been centered on pursuing his wants, achieving his goals—many of which were rooted in selfishness. This mirrors Atsushi in some ways, especially since they both do an action (killing/getting stronger or saving lives) to give their life meaning or for feeling accepted into the world, which are both endless paths which they both need self-growth on to get to a better point (also I believe akutagawa could be going the Odasaku route which I am excited for but lets not get too into that.)

However, for the first time, this was an entirely selfless act. He wasn’t seeking personal validation or a step toward his own ambitions; he was protecting someone. Not just someone, but someone he had deemed worthy of being saved. Someone who deserved to live because he had finally come to understand, at least somewhat after this, the value of others’ lives truly, instead of from a survival kind of "the weak die, die and make way for others" which he grew up with not just in the mafia but in the slums too where it was said his lungs would burn and the people "above" would "look down" on them but never truly acknowledge their existence, its sad to think even after Dazai found him he never really showed akutagawa that he acknowledges his strength or how far he has gone really, but this itself has many theories and arguments over reasons and potentially the plot moving forward with their characters and Dazai's reasonings. Anyways, this is why Akutagawa "woke up" when Atsushi sacrificed himself, repeating the same words Akutagawa once did. It was a moment of profound narrative symmetry, one that encapsulates Akutagawa’s arc.

A notable mention here is 55 Minutes, which further supports the idea of Akutagawa’s memory resilience. Despite dying in flames, after time was reversed, he retained memories of events that theoretically never happened. He remembered the exact time of the disaster and even made a point to check on Higuchi around that same time. This suggests that certain experiences impact him so deeply that they imprint on his consciousness, even when they logically shouldn’t. A similar phenomenon can be observed with Vampire Akutagawa. Despite being under vampiric control, he retained fragments of his consciousness—spared Aya, responded to Atsushi’s words, and, most significantly, kept his promise. Vampirism should have rendered him a mindless tool, yet even then, his core principles remained intact.

This aligns with a recurring theme in Akutagawa’s character: his defiance against being controlled. He has always been a "dog" to the Mafia, yet one that could never be fully tamed. His ability to retain memories and emotions, even under extreme circumstances, reinforces his complexity as a character. This trait plays a pivotal role in his development, ultimately shaping his choices and his final, selfless decision to protect Atsushi. And of course, all of this ties back to Dazai…

Ahem, his eyes. Besides being glorious and magnificent, I've been thinking and spoke to a friend recently on this. It seems his eyes only turn white when he is scared, vulnerable, or determined in the right direction (when he said "understood" to bram there was a light in his eyes.) And we all know Harukawa's genius and interesting way of making eyes go from dark to light showing their development or a change in their views too. The darkness showing how "tainted" they are or "dark" themselves. To which Kyouka used to have dark eyes that turned light (actually kind of grey) and Dazai's is still black. Akutagawa's has also been black/dark a lot of the time, and usually when he is shocked we see his dark/black eyes shrink in surprise unlike this moment where we see the light in it and his pupil for once. So its an important moment, especially since this is where he iss regaining some if not all of his memories. Although we still need clearance on what happened to him which would be shown in the next chapters after the whole S03 4D universe lore is done dropping completely, or possibly after the Amenogozen battle. Thats all for now from The Akutagawa Fan, Charkoala, Caldera whichever name or title works.

[xvxblahhhxvx]

I think Dazai's backstory is really cool in how, despite having more information about it than most other characters, majority of his life is just one giant noodle incident.

Yep, that's the line I'm going with as an introduction to this analysis. Just bear with me.

To start off, for those who don't know, the term "noodle incident" originates from the (amazing) comic Calvin and Hobbes. In it, the whole idea is that Calvin did this unspecified thing in school that involved noodles, but it's never confirmed what exactly happened. It's only referenced in passing, and it is clear that it was not good. Applied to general fiction, the term Noodle Incident refers to an event that is often referenced, but never clearly explained, and what is important is the characters' reactions and feelings towards it. The principle idea behind it is that imagining what said incident could be is way more significant and impactful than anything it would actually be if it was said. It's not the event that's important, but the effects and responses to it are. *for more info, I recommend Overly Sarcastic Productions trope talk video about it*

Now, how this plays into Dazai's life is that, while it is extremely evident that he likely has a horrible, tragic backstory, we never really get to see much of it. The earliest we are introduced to him, he is already suicidal, and he has lost most in hope in existence. These feelings are tempered a bit when he first joins the Port Mafia, but they come back all too quickly. And while you could argue that him being in the Mafia is a large contributor to his depression,the main reasons why he seeks escape clearly transpired before he ever met Mori.

Dazai was already trying to commit suicide at fourteen, which is how he met Mori. Something happened earlier in his life, but we don't know what. Asagiri himself says that he left Dazai's core, the reason he wants to die, vague on purpose. We aren't given many details, and honestly, we aren't given much backstory to it either. The two biggest hints that we get is when he is speaking to Odasaku. First in The Day I Picked Up Dazai, and the second from Dazai and the Dark Era.

We have no idea who or what Dazai is referring to. From all that we have seen, all the backstories and light novels we are given, the only people that we know of whom Dazai actually lost were Ango and Odasaku-for Ango, it was that special friendship, and Odasaku, it was his life. And even so, it isn't much of an explanation, because he was obviously suicidal before he met them, as evident from how he speaks to Odasaku, and losing them wasn't a catalyst for Dazai's depression. (As a matter of fact, it was actually the first step towards improvement, but that's a different analysis).

Yet for how much we don't know about Dazai's life, I think it's done in such a way that it doesn't really matter. It's a noodle incident, in that sense. Because it's not about the events that actually transpired, it's about how that affects Dazai and the way we see him. Don't get me wrong, I would love a full, confirmed backstory, but Asagiri doesn't seem to intend to write it, and that makes Dazai's character so beautiful. It's also one of the reasons why the dark era, especially the light novel, is so tragic. Because yes, you can argue that as far as tragic backstories go, losing two friends isn't near the most awful, especially not in this universe (I'm not trying to play the "which character has more trauma" game, but compared to, for example, growing up in an abusive orphanage, it's relatively not as inherently tragic. That doesn't make it any less horrible though). But the point of the backstory isn't just to explain the reasoning why things ended up the way they did, why Dazai left the Mafia, boo hoo his friend died, but Odasaku and Ango represent everything in Dazai's life, everyone from his past we never got to meet and I'm not sure if we're ever going to. They symbolize all the things in his life that mattered to him, everything he never wanted to lose but did. The last scene in the bar, where the three of them meet up for the last time, Ango leaves, the picture with the three of them laughing and smiling, the whole thing is meant to serve as a microcosm for Dazai's life as a whole. That he feels he's always going to lose everything, and that's why he wants to die. We don't get details, we don't know the specific events, but we're left with the emotions that gives us an important glimpse into this character's mind, more than his life, and that's what makes him such an interesting character that's left open to interpretation and analysis. We aren't privy to the tragedy, but the aftereffects of it. And, almost as if to prove the point, Odasaku dies the next day. Right after Dazai says he always loses everyone, further cementing the idea that there's almost a curse surrounding him, a void of loneliness that may never be fulfilled, which is as much as Odasaku tells him when he dies.

Whatever happened in Dazai's life before fourteen was probably something horrible and tragic. Maybe he had a family. Maybe he had other good friends. Perhaps he even believed in the goodness of life and humanity. But what's really cool about the way he's written is that the exact events are not important nor necessary to understanding his character. His life is one big noodle incident, yet because of that, we're able to glean an almost deeper understanding about him, by leaving the details in the dark and exposing only the raw, humane emotions left behind. The most important part about any backstory in fiction isn't about what actually happened, it's about how does this affect the character now? What lasting impact did it leave on them, and how is it evident in the way they interact with the story in the present? This is something that Asagiri nails on the head when it comes to his backstories. And I think the lack of clear information about Dazai's backstory, yet all the information we do end up getting about him, is one of the reasons why Dazai is such an interesting and intriguing character in the series.

Thank you all for you time. You may now return to your procrastination.

[chiliyue-archived]

Thigh Riding

Characters; Dazai, Chuuya, Kunikida, Ranpo, Nikolai

Tags; SMUT/NSFW fem!reader, nicknames, biting, teasing, thigh riding

Dazai

He's a tease.

As more whimpers and choked sobs escaped from your lips, he props your body against the mound of his thighs; a yelp escaped you as pressure applied to your core. It all started with a kiss within the empty office of the ADA. A kiss in which grew heated as your lover shamelessly roamed his palms all over your body.

His lithe fingers would find the clothed heat between your legs coaxing a ragged sigh in response You remain stagnant for a moment before experimentally rocking your hips, the motion caused a jolt of pleasure to recoccupate throughout your veins.

Gradually you picked up a pace, arms locking around his neck for support. Your face was beaming red but that was the least of your concerns as your moans echoed against the walls.

'Belladonna, you've barely moved and you already got my pants all wet~' He would whisper against the shell as your ear, though amused at your bold behavior.

Pure amusement glittered all over his expression as you desperately rolled your hips in a sloppy rhythm. His fingers, went to knead and message at your hips a silent encouragement while his voice dripped with the cruelest of words. However, it only added to your arousal as though compatible pairs.

And he was no stranger to this either, not by the way you clamped around his thigh shamelessly. He held that grin of his that made you weak in the knees; complacent and fervent as he urged you to continue.

"I'll need new pants after this, Belladonna, you've made them so soaked- but why don't we get to the main event now, hm?"

Chūya

An cocaphony of sounds bounced off the walls of your shared living area, Chūya's huffing and meandered groans coupled with your mewls.

He had you seated upon his thigh, his flesh in perfect orientation with your core- exposed after hastily pushing aside your garments.

His hands started to move you in a languid pace, words of genuine praise splitting from his clench teeth, the sight before him was becoming too great; hair sticking to your forehead, a focused gazed as you desperately tried to get off his thigh, even your lips were glistening in your own drool.

Chūya's bottom lip trembled as you squirmed against his grip- crescent moons blossoming along the sides of your hips. Each slight movement of your body or his caused tears to prick the corners of your eyes, begging for more

Chūya wasn't one to make your purposefully cry, he normally disliked it, but the moment when those crystal tears threatened to release from the desperation, it only riled him further.

He retrains the slow pace, edging you closer to your orgasm as his eyes continue to soak in the scene unapologetically.

His words traced with filth only shot pair after pair of arousal to your bundle of nerves, ushering a wave of whimpers from you end.

"God- Doll. You're making a mess with just my thigh. I didn't think you were that needy- fuck- If you keep squriming like that, i might have to use my special ability-"

Kunikida

You want to do what? Here? Now-?

Kunikida almost shut down the idea entirely, why get off his thigh when he could use his fingers instead-? and although the ADA was currently vacant with the exception of you horny pair, that was still quite improper-!

But your pleading face did more than enough to convince him, and the way you sheepishly rubbed your thighs together only added to the fuel. And so by some fortuitous miracle you found yourself mounted on his thigh

Though Kunikida would much rather be sheathed within your warm welcoming walls, he couldn't fully deny the pleasure that came as you rode on his thigh. The sounds you were making were pitiful and filthy, it made the detectives ears blaze unbearably red but his eyes betrayed otherwise; he couldn't peel them away from the way you moved your hips, attempting to create more friction.

At some point groans start to mix with your sound of pleasure as you rode closer to your climax. Despite his initial thoughts on the manner, words of praises slipped from his voice, his arms subconsciously going to hold you steady

And the sight of his dampening pant leg from your arousal made his mind go dizzy. It took everything within him to not take you right there, afterall you deserve some form of punishment after making such a mess

"Look at you pretty girl, getting off and my thigh and making my clothes all wet. Just relax a little- and k-keep moving like that-"

Ranpo

Ranpo is quite lazy, he'll do anything that doesn't require him to exert too much energy. So why not make you do all the hard work hard as he watches?

A grin is stretching on his lips as you made yourself comfortable on his thigh, your gaze shifting from determination to flustered in a matter of seconds.

He breathes out a gentle laugh as you started to move along his thigh, quickly becoming amused with the expression forming on your face; biting down on your bottom lip focusing on the act, sending your lover a glare whenever he made a tease(which was quite many)

He may even munch on his snacks as he witnesses your desperate figure ride off his thigh in search for your high. He was a jerk to his very bones.

How could he not? Not when you became desperate to reach your high, sluggish babbles and sounds falling from your mouth. It was the perfect opportunity to tease you mercilessly

His voice is cooing at you while you bury your head in his shoulder, face reddening at the flithy things he whispered to you. All the while your hips continued to roll over his clothed thigh. Your muscles were starting burn but you couldn't bring yourself stop.

As Ranpo, notices your depleting energy, he'll take some mercy on you and assist. With hands on your hips, he guides you in a sluggish rhythm that has your back arching as shivers jolted across your skin.

He huffs out a laugh when you ultimately choke out, the pleasure becoming too much- but your body betrays itself by locking your arms around him, hips shamelessly rocking in motion inviting him to continue.

"You find this quite lovely don't you? Be grateful my dear, while you get drunk off my thigh, you are leaving me high and dry. Though this visual you're providing is addicting~ "

Nikolai

You would smack that teasing grin on his face if you weren't busy drooling over the texture of his pant leg.

Nikolai was an awful tease, making you sit still on his thigh as he kisses you all over your shoulders and collarbone, fingers kneading at your exposed skin.

Even as you plead for him to let you move, he only chuckles and riles you up even further. Any attempts were instantly shut down with a harsh grip against your hip.

Eventually he takes some mercy after all your whining and begging, setting a pace. It was tantalizingly slow at first, he lips spreading into a grin as you cried for more.

Something was oddly amusing about how you clumped your legs together, arousal starting to stick to his pants. And as you bit your bottom lip in desperation, Nikolai is all but remaining deep eye contact with you. It only caused you flush a deeper crimson but all the more fed into his enjoyment

Your hips subconsciously start to move on its own seeking more stimulation. Resulting in the cruelest of words from your lover, degrading you for your slutty actions; even as tears roll down your cheeks and the only words you can babble was his name and you didn't slow down.

He becomes mesmorized with the heaving of your chest, the expression on your face and how prettily your back arched as your movements became sloppy. This all the more made the tent in his pants grow.

As you lose yourself in your orgasm, he'll take your hand and guide it the tent that was begging for your attention. He groans as you sheepishly place feathery touches to his clothed dick.

But after the lovely performance provided by you, Nikolai will make sure that his thigh isn't the only thing making you cry out loud tonight.

"I've turned you into a whiny mess with just my thigh. Now now don't be so selfish pretty girl, it's my turn to have some fun~"

[strwcherri]

Something I find really beautiful about this chapter is Atsushi subconsciously finding his tendency to rely on his emotions as a strength — he had no logical conclusion as to why the ADA members were alive, but instinctively, in his heart, he knew.

The same for Akutagawa — he knew that Akutagawa would remember, in his heart, with the doubt of his mind. I believe it was a quote Atsushi had said earlier, but I believe it's the core of his character — "The head may err, but never the blood".

The heart is a mysterious thing, because it makes sense without any logical basis. The heart is a trust, a senseless trust with a sense of clarity. Dazai in Atsushi's subconscious saying, "Feel strongly. That's what you do when you want to experience the past", brings me to believe that Atsushi has become better at living. Atsushi, by only living in the present, has become the only person fit to defy the space, because the present in the agreement of the past and future.

In other words, I believe Atsushi is the heart.

[zukkaoru]

i’m all for character redesigns by fanartists but there are some things you should keep, because if you take away a character’s core design elements, you end up with an unrecognizable oc. once dazai’s bandages are off, that’s not dazai anymore. once dabi’s scars are gone, that’s not dabi. aang doesn’t need hair in any world—modern au or otherwise. changing skin color or hair color or outfit designs is all good (sans whitewashing obviously), but if you take away key design elements that make a character recognizable—ESPECIALLY when it’s a physical disability or otherwise “unattractive” state of appearance that you’ve decided to “fix”—you may as well just be drawing some random person. and this goes doubly for mtf genderbend/transfem headcanon designs. stop making every fictional man into a stereotypical sexy woman with an hourglass figure long hair big boobs and short tight dress with heels and flawless makeup. put some thought into your character redesigns. and stop trying to “fix” character design elements that aren’t a problem in the first place.

[dazai-fan-page]

I get liking Dazai because of his mental state but liking him because of that and then insisting it's His Whole Thing flattens him down to a single trait that's not even his core character.

Dazai is a character of growth, it feels almost insulting to double down on his only goal being death. Obviously I don't mean jokes and headcanons, those are almost never what I'm talking about.

My point is that Dazai is so much more than just "lol sewerslide" and it makes me sad to see so much of the general takeaway be "silly depressed version of gojo"

[soupthatistohot]

BSD 109 Spoilers!!!

I will always always ALWAYS come back to this panel when talking about Asagiri’s storytelling.

At its very core, BSD is an absurdist text, Kafka Asagiri having been inspired by many absurdist authors. Franz Kafka, who he took his pseudonym from is one of them. Albert Camus, basically the most well-known absurdist is referenced with the Mersault prison, the name of which comes from a character in his most famous absurdist work, The Stranger. 

Absurdism is the belief that the world around us is irrational and inherently absurd and that explicitly seeking meaning is pointless. In his essay The Myth of Sisyphus, Camus explains, that there is value in the act of rebellion, though. Sisyphus, who has been doomed to roll a boulder up a mountain only for the boulder to tumble back down each time he reaches the peak, finds meaning in the act of continuing to push the boulder. Even though he will continue this cycle for all of eternity, he doesn’t just lay down and give up, he rebels against the absurdity of his situation by continuing to push the boulder, despite the seemingly futile nature of the act. 

As I said earlier, BSD is an absurdist text. All of the animanga’s main characters are on a journey of discovering their meaning in life, and their place in the world, and they do this by rebelling against its absurdity — especially Dazai. 

Dazai sees the absurd world for what it is, and when he was in the PM, he hated it. Thus, he sought suicide as a solution. I will note here that absurdists generally view suicide as a failure to rebel against the absurd, just giving up and giving into hopelessness. But ever since Dazai left the PM and took Oda’s advice, he’s been rebelling against this, doing good despite his inherent beliefs about morality and the world, and he’s absolutely gotten better for it. 

Other characters embody this idea of rebelling against the absurd, hell, that’s kinda what this whole arc is about. The world is literally ending, and things seem to be at their absolute worst, but someone like Atsushi still has hope that he can change the minds of the hunting dogs and save reality as we know it. He even has hope that he can get through to a vampiric Akutagawa when the guy is literally brainwashed and attacking him. Aya as the “last hope” right now embodies this, too, deciding that she can’t just sit around and do nothing and then trying to remove the sword from Bram even though the effort appears futile. 

But everything is going wrong right now. Fukuzawa is bleeding out, Dazai has just been shot through the forehead and appears to have died, Atsushi’s had his limbs ripped off and is at Akutagawa’s mercy, and Fukuchi is literally going to end the world! How can we have hope?!

Think about BSD. Think about the story that’s been told so far. Surely Asagiri isn’t killing everyone right now, surely the world isn’t gonna actually end. I’m not entirely convinced Aya’s plan is gonna work— but please consider that the point of absurdist storytelling is that even when everything seems to be at its worst, even when life seems completely meaningless, there is inherent meaning in still continuing to fight against this. 

BSD has never been a story where the villains win, and I don’t think it’s gonna start being one. I think, as usual, Asagiri wants to scare us, to make us feel hopeless about the situation, only for someone to pull through and completely turn the tides.

Dazai laying down and accepting his death at Chuuya’s hands is not going to be the end of his story, because it goes against everything Asagiri seems to stand for. Dazai wouldn’t just give up in his fight against Fyodor, because he needs to prove he’s right about what he says in this panel:

"The ones who actually make the world turn are those who scream within the storm of uncertainty and run with flowing blood."

I think this reflects Asagiri's own beliefs and is also the reason why he is not going to let Dazai die like this, because in a way, that would be proving that Fyodor is right. From a storytelling perspective, it’d be saying “everything I’ve communicated up to this point actually means nothing and life is truly hopeless!” 

Dazai has cheated death before, as has basically everyone else in danger right now. I promise you, something is going to happen and they’re all going to survive, because BSD is not trauma porn, for lack of a better term. It’s a story about how a group of people fight against the absurdity of their reality, even when everything seems completely and utterly hopeless. 

There’s a lot of theories circulating about how things could work out, especially Dazai’s “death,” and I’m not here to repeat all of them, but I will say that a lot of them have credence, especially because Asagiri isn’t the type of author to make mistakes, every single detail has a distinct reason. 

So even though I don't know how things are going to work out, I have full faith that they will, including Dazai's current situation. None of these characters are done just yet, they've got too much fight left in them to just give up.

[original twt thread]

[sukidenks]

¡ BSD men Twitter NSFW masterlist !

• Dazai

https://x.com/puppygirlgooner/status/1850698924153061503?t=xdu5KHoH6Eo4COJ82JqkZw&s=19 (so fucking perfect)

https://x.com/gaym4sturb4tion/status/1850700245925028065?t=p7pRaOjBgG59k8eg6zrLQg&s=19

https://x.com/deadaccalt/status/1824741534442643843?t=wX-EA7Sf3epeYHV0sfwf-g&s=19

https://x.com/thehoteloflust/status/1849081236137852945?t=iraOd3JqFbu7GefXm4jWIg&s=19

https://x.com/xruals/status/1792250752355733568?t=fT_Xfe3msz97GR6Jg8b8Ig&s=19

https://x.com/rough_daddyyy/status/1848439234459537689?t=Aca4-TxlCh7N6_zBUh86iA&s=19 (this is him fr just a bit nicer hehe)

https://x.com/KiluaZoldyck_Mx/status/1848757904436040172?t=xhu1ribSEigVB4u5oWw_oQ&s=19

https://x.com/OemiaKnives/status/1792411124228596171?t=uBNEy8EkkGuL2Kx2Gr8xjg&s=19

https://x.com/lusxdream_/status/1849015466800599290?t=n5hFnTXhLaZ7PBE897FjTw&s=19

https://x.com/iamgoddessvxo/status/1849310583557865921?t=ly4b3SYqoLLxLO3FyxHljw&s=19

https://x.com/paleanddecaying/status/1849532893355204780?t=GV053aD6sZcV2RT2331qcg&s=19

https://x.com/plscumwithme/status/1844853148042588349?t=iU6QNeRmK8cjjr0JaRwfQw&s=19 (fits kolya too tbh)

https://x.com/thatcatkorin/status/1847040015576322182?t=Z_j9Pb4Vp6w01wHTCGnqdA&s=19 https://x.com/rough_daddyyy/status/1849262801585398083

https://x.com/lilwprincess/status/1848442015463231939?t=hvshqcAaJR2lRBobfhKNVQ&s=19

https://x.com/lusxdream_/status/1832822658721100196?t=OUAoUUIQirJgdjIRXH1YFw&s=19

https://x.com/rough_daddyyy/status/1849746111424016475?t=eTKKhoa6r_qVPgFGnvbFSw&s=19

https://x.com/Rypo75/status/1849501406534734008

https://x.com/xruals/status/1838896591928783016?t=AYTR_AugogSd5TGpMTFJPg&s=19

https://x.com/henryholdenx5/status/1847826386288795925?t=LkhOryqbvjh6M8_Hvd7tZA&s=19 (don't ask why but this is so dazai core lol)

https://x.com/AdultDailyNsfw/status/1849783154346717444?t=4LaAcTLGs_0dyewrEeBRtQ&s=19 (I had a hard time deciding which character to put this under)

https://x.com/tiarafaye33/status/1846320877451071829?t=aMNjF_uC5DFrGvAXv6YZhg&s=19

https://x.com/Cafferety/status/1847410255405240821?t=AiUDCKQvKVo4ubEyDJKHOw&s=19

https://x.com/lusxdream_/status/1827636073918558370?t=QIb7oeCRzRaEEVznGBMjUQ&s=19

https://x.com/goonground/status/1833547498826379543?t=MPxrqCPJisG-Q6S4YFwiQw&s=19

https://x.com/apeachtoeat/status/1842523355033010582?t=tETztuMdpwZ1osdhZHgkGw&s=19

https://x.com/KiluaZoldyck_Mx/status/1842948890431238198?t=5iIbyAYziHR_8y0YA6Tsnw&s=19

https://x.com/DadBodDom2/status/1846061632851460155?t=tIj_fmBHU6bLj8FhZMTJEA&s=19

https://x.com/CottnCndyCaptor/status/1850452860242133146?t=tGUBZX8VEv1o_a1KGP9Njg&s=19 (tummy bulge <33)

https://x.com/emesscape/status/1845845434935152873

https://x.com/http_mommy18/status/1820521749525778550 (titjob>>>)

https://x.com/puppygirlgooner/status/1852176532510244980 (idk about this but yes lol)

https://x.com/cutedollies_/status/1751873138059542758

https://x.com/tiarafaye33/status/1851009350120456299?t=sxwUxv-qNVNSNr8-66yzww&s=19

-----------------

• Nikolai

https://x.com/kittyzpaws/status/1849249570724679885?t=cs29MqG-kDs9ooA4yQkpTA&s=19 (stalker kolya coming through <33)

https://x.com/CottnCndyCaptor/status/1831384283195568390?t=dRnw6pnuSEvt8qh_7-s-HQ&s=19

https://x.com/FreeSomno/status/1845278896020914535?t=nXuD9H0Ey3ABkhI_U8FCCQ&s=19

https://x.com/plscumwithme/status/1844853148042588349?t=iU6QNeRmK8cjjr0JaRwfQw&s=19 (ik I put it for dazai too but heh)

https://x.com/FreeSomno/status/1849990984467349807?t=6eJVcJ2rKUCD_HC3RgmkyQ&s=19

https://x.com/nthesadist/status/1849541353283436754?t=v0W7p1uxXw0rLacKZSiGDQ&s=19 (iconic)

https://x.com/thehoteloflust/status/1847299879090999695?t=1L (had to giggle sorry hehe)

--WbV6PwuLJFkTWqhAFA&s=19 (size 😩🤌✨️ doesn't help that he sounds like Nikolai too)

https://x.com/rough_daddyyy/status/1849814531440066969?t=pcJCb0woG0kN-YbyucWgMw&s=19

https://x.com/xruals/status/1833451858410484050?t=_tp0MGvHWvv7Sc-VQrVVGw&s=19

https://x.com/ur_specialgirl/status/1849636402943701386?t=eakhaafbIHSWD7eAC5bHIg&s=19

https://x.com/lusxdream_/status/1832967378466132167?t=OgMpTHEcn04-73zInW0YIw&s=19

https://x.com/Mistress_Agam/status/1848066458418565388?t=mPGL5trTFD3GMTDlf_dcsQ&s=19

https://x.com/thebestaround57/status/1849247737457545282?t=K2cg7dmDiRP6by2hwK_gZQ&s=19

https://x.com/thatcatkorin/status/1849197470305357829?t=oo-GyAVjPgFyAN01Lk0krA&s=19

https://x.com/k1nkyb0yfriend/status/1796029706925441124?t=hyPq1RmSuOjjcUxADRVBTQ&s=19

https://x.com/Mistress_Agam/status/1849225778350694641

https://x.com/luke5763/status/1848335290076680194

https://x.com/TheCumDungeon/status/1849071053718339600

https://x.com/Mistress_Agam/status/1849226088724996259

https://x.com/apeachtoeat/status/1841390884988059677?t=DBq4TX_pCEKl6Kbz3Vl2fA&s=19

https://x.com/rough_daddyyy/status/1849614540352192962

https://x.com/SubbyGooner_/status/1849506984698978731

https://x.com/SubbyGooner_/status/1849173579004338355

https://x.com/dadacloudy/status/1848870102596522153?t=giDeXXPF5QmH7X86tkiOjA&s=19 (this is so hot)

https://x.com/thehoteloflust/status/1848151547760308698?t=Ph8W8EdQ8yIA0WBIZTUuEQ&s=19

https://x.com/lusxdream_/status/1829453479045210121?t=exMUGrOORpIHbhdzTK3z4w&s=19

https://x.com/apeachtoeat/status/1842981915789533235?t=IUPPNUN0RWp3CZYHZypyNw&s=19

https://x.com/itskatiehehe/status/1850242079336861842?t=o6BvbQFrq9NRuA7mzgtXgg&s=19

https://x.com/daddysaberx/status/1803334204857459065?t=UxhOM_FEUjo1-ZxVA78ljg&s=19

https://x.com/yourcrzydaddy/status/1852241131922137555?t=hbaGiIOEkaJ6Ymull0gERw&s=19

https://x.com/1mango_muncher1/status/1823379324608631253?t=u_gqVUaH6H79ZpSTpi-Wxg&s=19

------------------

• Fyodor

https://x.com/k1nkyb0yfriend/status/1726875481155195181?t=dGMKIqsqMiWEdHHG3vP0Fg&s=19

https://x.com/tiarafaye33/status/1847959741718204819

https://x.com/lusxdream_/status/1828353986350469347?t=ufAdSwmsmISy5tdJ5jKWeA&s=19

https://x.com/NARCISSISTFEIN/status/1848801243902140463?t=uqSQMC1iYwosCjAH3-qHTg&s=19

https://x.com/hours247365/status/1847138774926426146?t=zOFc9A3LNLoLA9mSaZ87EQ&s=19

https://x.com/xruals/status/1838158891550425582?t=u4HhfMXgcdeByfpLDRwh3w&s=19

https://x.com/xruals/status/1835989926120128730?t=iutJmp_INoPbvisYRQcCKA&s=19

https://x.com/DaddysPosession/status/1849998979506803084?t=ng7Uvv10CM-XPnK52TVETg&s=19

https://x.com/GentlemanDom8/status/1847661581531783208?t=uw-m0H9ZkcYiS0_pmh-kcw&s=19

https://x.com/rough_daddyyy/status/1849710774500917652

https://x.com/SubbyGooner_/status/1848485304585396727

https://x.com/dadacloudy/status/1849392264415514938?t=UrSkfGZASMRF51A-KV-mGQ&s=19 (gosh)

https://x.com/tiarafaye33/status/1848094963625828682?t=37MFTOurFHKYGmzi9fYVUw&s=19

https://x.com/dadacloudy/status/1849154544124436637?t=GOuSMaDcU-xsW4kuNTn6Pw&s=19

https://x.com/InsatiableMe_/status/1849592161576341673?t=ZoPwO-1ZVDZ8Rlhc3egUtQ&s=19 (he's definitely the type to make you do more work heh)

https://x.com/lusxdream_/status/1829811255714152575?t=AgfJUKVxvXnWT8FboSUnpg&s=19 (the music made me wheeze)

https://x.com/ur_playthingxxx/status/1848482615667650776?t=vvjCqzHvEaPF0K4HF-PspQ&s=19 (idk I just thought of cop fyo)

https://x.com/DadBodDom2/status/1846087348469072323?t=u_gqVUaH6H79ZpSTpi-Wxg&s=19 (again, cop Fyo <33. Could've been Kolya too)

https://x.com/paleanddecaying/status/1847717009364336753?t=2pGhLPx64ePhFrLcLVj2AA&s=19 (heh)

https://x.com/KiluaZoldyck_Mx/status/1845855997484802093?t=zn-nqN4W6OruhSu2o0HUvg&s=19

https://x.com/Fallen_Ghosty/status/1843748654957638015?t=B7GLngB9nYR35nAUa_b87A&s=19

https://x.com/peepwh0re444/status/1851883722045378990?t=xdu5KHoH6Eo4COJ82JqkZw&s=19

https://x.com/NNYMPHI/status/1851210226050953601?t=tGUBZX8VEv1o_a1KGP9Njg&s=19

------------

https://x.com/bbygirltamer/status/1806325211358265666?t=ditfrPhEE1b5H2pNwMBN5Q&s=19

• Chuuya

https://x.com/Mistress_Agam/status/1849228401476813118

https://x.com/lusxdream_/status/1828120917530329384?t=ldfHRLf8bX7snXlX3eyiqw&s=19

https://x.com/SubbyGooner_/status/1848792464276037777

https://x.com/TheMaster555555/status/1836882095593116140?t=ds1IAWJd1cXviXFKboHIvg&s=19

https://x.com/subbylina/status/1849264988113797327 (reminded me of chuu but fem version idk why but here xD)

https://x.com/dadacloudy/status/1847118378579747044?t=Qs-MrcVEFIz23KZZfT3VdA&s=19

https://x.com/lusxdream_/status/1828353423588131298?t=zKyCVd0WJVVqByl_wg8Ghw&s=19

https://x.com/httpdevils/status/1847779363879584202?t=C7zG3BzvOG2H6jGCNlrUgg&s=19 (not a vid but the vibes>>>>)

https://x.com/xruals/status/1830194326556618945?t=UF8fbKn0Wvc3BA2grsMeAQ&s=19

https://x.com/thebestaround57/status/1834394572551549356?t=jd0OSyNXXLqhnv3x6ywE6Q&s=19

https://x.com/impwuppy/status/1846847501279617294?t=IYNf_9D4Fh37yoY8Udk6EA&s=19

https://x.com/rough_daddyyy/status/1850088659527029181?t=nuawz7NUHp81O5hcD7PuxA&s=19

https://x.com/goodpuptrainer/status/1848285832370966844?t=fqTzpY4u7-V8siE8QehM5Q&s=19

https://x.com/specttm/status/1847987438301356542?t=W2DRNZgw4XQc3wj4uzcnow&s=19

https://x.com/saintktty/status/1848329750734901480?t=KISJJS5RMPBpzcfMQ8qPCQ&s=19

https://x.com/bigbreastslover/status/1848031455332450793?t=kdeLoNmgHcwEguDmTowOLw&s=19

https://x.com/rough_daddyyy/status/1849455076437356991?t=PZqegh19UOTgw2e9QavTjQ&s=19 (a little twinky but fitting tbh lol)

https://x.com/lusxdream_/status/1827635668740174304?t=A5a9qktpwV800cPB8xhcYQ&s=19

https://x.com/cerephia_xo/status/1847456770639151147?t=w-uG7yvOY8asTCREW6D6hw&s=19

https://x.com/cerephia_xo/status/1849795173556916254?t=0rtJNZ1XGgoygCEUnk43KQ&s=19

https://x.com/bunnybabybye/status/1841730789387469234?t=GWMJGYzBIOjE6v9IdtE9Cg&s=19

https://x.com/creammibunni/status/1831897887967748589?t=UfSDf9FTaHh9ELe2XAot7g&s=19

https://x.com/SheCrushes_/status/1502383871631011850?t=ddNZlx1HxLqjH8qOTP-5_w&s=19

https://x.com/SheCrushes_/status/1502383871631011850?t=bN2NVI8WGygLeiKjdkXyzg&s=19

https://x.com/hours247365/status/1848333139011375319?t=ZJIQMZO8kLC0uvtMXkUsFg&s=19

https://x.com/cerephia_xo/status/1843591897505571037

------------------

• Mori (help I wasn't gonna add him but one thing led to another and I just found fitting ones-)

https://x.com/horizoneigh/status/1321834437181612033

https://x.com/urmom1974/status/1847263155254133063?t=0HepNO852N6FQLFzMaA4vA&s=19

https://x.com/SubbyGooner_/status/1848310000684294608

https://x.com/tiarafaye33/status/1847359907562963036?t=Gj4buk-VQHucF2AhoUc3Sw&s=19

https://x.com/denaos4/status/1847673897262444591?t=ObrnNnOXXF-jcMBSKqybHg&s=19

https://x.com/lusxdream_/status/1832967354487300601?t=VuDFyWA2kmVEwBOK7flwpw&s=19

https://x.com/lusxdream_/status/1829811312043704519?t=JRXy2UL1GUkNbXiYsYqWdA&s=19

https://x.com/PornstarNameID/status/1834687983280103433?t=lGG30dJxFGyUZl4FmkM6AA&s=19 (ignore the face reveal at the end lol)

https://x.com/little_battie/status/1849709181147713877?t=5w0Y8YjPWw50GUC7NRgE8Q&s=19

https://x.com/apeachtoeat/status/1840831706074661203?t=mgrccAjQd2mdjxuXlc-Fgg&s=19

-

Bonus: https://x.com/toy_ftm/status/1848796196493557946?t=an041tSguGzih-msIu_aRQ&s=19

https://x.com/corruptedangelk/status/1850107886707339519?t=tGUBZX8VEv1o_a1KGP9Njg&s=19 (random threesome thingies. (Soukoku/Fyolai whatever you want :P)

https://x.com/http_mommy18/status/1832143280303141300 (can be literally any BSD men but like cock worship <33)

----------------------- x -----------------------

Side note: I'm sorry if this wasn't very reader-inclusive y'all :<< I was most going through different tags and accounts, and added in whatever that seemed fitting for these characters. It was kinda difficult ngl lol. I put different colours so links were easier to separate, tho it seems a little messy but welp- ANYGAYS, please don't be hateful or judge me based on the tags and contents of the links ☠️☠️ But yeah, I'm also open to requests for other characters hehe.

Let me know if you want me to write little headcanons, drabbles, smut, ffs, anything. I kinda wanna start posting properly sometime. <33

[rae-writes]

all for you...

Dazai x twin!reader

wc : 1.k

warnings : angst, ambiguous ending, major character death [not reader or Dazai], blood, implied prior emotional/physical/[light] sexual abuse

synopsis : "I don't want to play this part but I do, all for you"

a/n : I...apologize for this

“Well now…this is quite the mess to clean up…” 

The splattered blood on the wall had begun to drip, sliding down the wood slowly and splashing onto the floor with faint ‘pit, pit’ echoes. There was an eerie, ringing, silence to the air and a tension that felt suffocating.

Something shifted when Mori turned to look at the two children who just witnessed the murder— they were no older than fourteen. 

“You twins are my witnesses…from now on, I will be the new boss of the Port Mafia, and the two of you…will stay by my side.”

Fukuzawa Yukichi and Mori Ogai sat at a small, cherry-wood table that was decorated with a glass china set for the tea they were talking over; it would’ve been a rather amusing sight, if the conversation topic hadn’t been so serious. 

While they both performed their positions as head of their respective organizations diligently- and extremely well- it was no secret that they were each getting higher up in their years. They thought it best to discuss who would potentially be taking over once they were retired together, as it would help maintain their mutual agreement between said organizations. 

“Your best candidate is Doppo Kunikida, is it not? I was fairly certain it was him who was acting in your stead whenever you could not.”

You and Chuuya stood directly behind Mori, with a small handful of your subordinates a couple of feet away; similarly, Fukuzawa had Kunikida and Dazai behind him, with the rest of the agency’s core members on standby. The two heads didn’t really need them here, as they could very well handle themselves against one another, however by this point, it was more or less a tradition. 

“That is correct. What about you? Surely you’re going to pick from your pool of executives, aren’t you?” 

There it was. That nauseous dread pooling in the pit of your stomach. It sunk into your bones, forcing a cold sweat to the surface of your skin as, instinctively, your flight or fight response tried to take over. 

“Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

The sounds around you grow muffled so suddenly it makes your head spin and the scenery melts down into a memory of the executive meeting held a week ago.

“Do not mistake my words. I will continue as the Port Mafia’s head until it is apparent I am no longer able to fulfill my role; even then, my presence will not just disappear. This is my home and the organization I’ve dedicated my life to. I’m simply implying that we will need a suitable replacement when that time comes.” 

Rae glanced at Chuuya, finding him to be exactly who Mori was looking for. There was no one else in the room, or even the entire Port Mafia for that matter, who would be better suited to take over the position as boss. 

“And Dazai Osamu shall be just the person to do so.” 

No matter how sickening the feeling of fear and dread can be, anger will always be the secondary emotion. Even if that anger doesn’t last, it festers somewhere deep inside someone and builds until it’s crawling throughout their whole body— and suddenly it’s controlling them. It’s what takes over their mind like a parasite until it’s moving their legs, their fingers, their hands; until it acts on all those…scenarios in a person’s mind that were never meant to be born- that were only supposed to stay as impulsive thoughts. It’s then that the entire world a person experiences can be flipped upside down and drowned in the raging tides their anger brought. 

It was that anger that had your body moving on autopilot while you just…watched. Like you were a prisoner in your own mind, watching something on the tv screen. 

Your feet took a few steps forward before your hand was reaching for Mori’s teacup and slamming it on the edge of the table, shattering the glass. It left one big shard in your grasp. Your free hand had come up to the back of his head, fingers tangling in the long strands of black hair before yanking, forcing him to look at you with an exposed neck. 

When his red-purple hues met yours, your movements became your own. A gasp tore from your throat as you took in the sight in front of you, ragged breathing making you tremble. It was now that you were able to consciously think about your actions. 

And you thought about Osamu. 

You thought about everything he had to go through— everything Mori forced him to go through. 

You thought about that shine he had in his eyes that dulled over the years, only returning when he’d escaped Mori and the Port Mafia. You thought about the night he left, the way he cried over Odasaku and the way he cried about not wanting to leave you; you’d never seen him cry before. You thought about the hope in his eyes as you helped him leave and the genuine smile he’d given you two years later when you saw him again in the Agency. 

You thought about Mori’s sick, twisted version of affection— or ‘love’ as he called it sometimes. About the way he treated the two of you. The way he talked, manipulated, used, touched the two of you. 

As you gazed into the eyes of your tormentor- the man who was planning to drag your brother back to the darkness that had already consumed you- all that was swimming in those devil eyes was some warped version of pride; of satisfaction. 

His voice echoed in your mind, words he didn’t even need to voice aloud because he’d engrained them into you, seeping disgustingly- permanently- into your core. 

‘If I cannot have Osamu, I will gladly have you instead, my precious Y/n.’ 

With steady hands, though a trembling heart, you forced the broken piece of china into the flesh of Mori’s neck. And with a chilling cry, you dragged it across the entire expanse of his throat; his blood was now coating your face. 

It would’ve been a rather amusing sight- the horror plastered across everyone’s faces…if the situation hadn’t been so serious. 

“He…he was going to ask Osamu to be the next boss…and I couldn’t— I wouldn’t let him. Not you, Osamu.” Your voice cracked as you looked over at your brother, heart clenching when he looked at you with such…mortification. “Anyone but you.” 

And Osamu thought back to you. 

He thought back to all those times your eyes darkened in rage whenever Mori did something to him. He thought back to how you’d always yell at Mori for hurting him, whether physically or mentally. He thought back to the nights you promised him you’d help him shove down that darkness Mori festered in him. He thought about the promise you made him when he left the mafia: the promise that you’d be the one to kill Mori for what he’d done to the two of you. 

As he gazed into the eyes of his twin sibling- standing with blood on their face after just repeating the cycle, all for him- he could see the fear of what you’d just done. The determination to be better than Mori...and the love. Love for him. 

He should’ve known, his heart screams. He should���ve known this would happen, that you’d snap. He should’ve stopped you, he should’ve talked to you, he should’ve been there for you, because now—

. . .

After a haunting moment of ringing silence, the only person who dares to move is Chuuya Nakahara; the redhead kneels, sliding his hat off as he bows his head, “All hail the new Port Mafia boss, Dazai Y/n.”