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leviiattacks · 4 years ago

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Two Faced | Chapter Ten

↳ levi ackerman, the very person who was about to kindly behead you by a surprising turn of events manages to become your loving husband? you would be elated if this was true love, but it’s all thanks to a mysterious magic spell that your life is spared, for now at least.

pairing :: duke!levi x duchess!reader genre :: royal au ??? (at this point idek) angst, fluff, slice of life etc ?? word count :: 4k author note :: haha.... wowww it's been long since i last updated. honestly my physical and mental health have just been horrible... that's about it, i lost a lot of motivation but if you're still reading i am very thankful and i will try to deliver the story well. i tried my best but writing whilst sick is very tiresome :-) tags :: @patience-is-here , @chwlogy , @a--nonymousse , @imkumichan

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Keeping yourself cooped up within Levi's estate and never daring to step a foot outside should have been what you had done. Blackmailing him to keep you confined within the walls of your bedroom would be much better compared to the problem you have to resolve now. Perhaps if you had done so you wouldn't have collided face first into this muddle.

Jean fiddles with the ends of his button up, he doesn't take the chance to glance up at any of his superiors. He's either much too embarrassed or has nothing noteworthy to start off with.

Erwin chooses to call the shots seeing as neither you or the Viscount by your side wish to begin.

"You both understand why we're here. Correct me if I'm wrong?" The Commander looks between you, Jean and your unfortunate excuse of a husband. Suddenly it looks as if the gears and cogs in Jean's brain move without warning.

Offering a demure nod you expect for him to follow in your footsteps and do the same only he stands there looking between you and Levi.

"Wait...The two of you are? A couple?" Stunned isn't the word, Jean's completely flabbergasted.

"If you figured that out this late, I do not understand why Erwin sees you remotely fit for my team." Levi's beyond insulted at the fact he's only just understood the situation.

Jean, now more intimidated than ever before straightens his back and coughs clumsily, "Sorry." He murmurs chestnut eyes making contact with the hardwood floors.

The Commander's laced hands sit atop his desk, elegant fingers moving similar to honey on a spoon. He sighs not out of fatigue but pride. Whatever plan he's come up with has to be decent at the very least, his body language is telling you that much.

"We have a number of possibilities we can choose from. We owe that pleasure to Mr Kirstein here." Erwin offers him an almost cynical smile, you can't help but gulp thinking about how this is essentially your fault. With all the constant training sessions and team building tasks it makes sense for Jean to have completely forgot about your unspoken rule. Solely blaming him is incorrect.

Raising your arm above your head to intervene you make it known that you're aware of Levi shooting you a look of warning by returning it. It's best he knows you don't care for anyone's opinion let alone his.

"Permission to speak Commander?"

Your request is agreed to immediately with the wave of Erwin's hand.

"It's my fault for not reminding Jean. I'll take the blame, I hadn't even told him the full story concerning me and Levi."

Levi doesn't enjoy your defense in the slightest. "I don't expect my wife to fling herself at other men and allow for them to snoop around gathering the details of our personal lives."

Scoffing you shield yourself with your arms over your chest.

"Oh dear husband. If you want to get personal do tell me where my family is?" It's an inside joke only Levi will be able to understand.

"If you call those people family your standards are disgustingly low."

"Maybe that explains why I settled for you."

Again, other's opinions are not at the forefront of your priority list. Regardless it's quite enjoyable pushing Levi further into a corner with that sentence. You see the internal struggle play out within him. Jaw clenched, hands balled together. He doesn't have an appropriate response

Jean bursts out unable to hold it in any longer, chest trembling with every quake of laughter that ripples through him you have to shove him with your elbow. For a Viscount his etiquette sure is nonexistent.

"My word, the two of you sound like..."

Levi stares at him most probably expecting something along the lines of "An old married couple."

But, no. It's nothing anyone in the room expects. That includes you.

"It's as if you're unhappy with each other..."

Not a noise is made after that. Jean isn't mistaken, your heart is miserable. You've never had many relationships to begin with, whether it be familial, romantic or platonic and for someone such as your husband to treat you the way he does - it feels futile having to navigate around the complexities. Even if he isn't really your husband it's disappointing to reflect on your marriage so suddenly.

Feeling your face droop a little you bite your bottom lip with your teeth. Hearing the truth from someone you barely expect to hear it from has an effect on you.

You're so caught up analyzing everything it takes you a minute to even register Levi grumbling and lunging forward pilfering the collar of Jean's shirt.

"Every day you prove to be more and more pathetic than I expect." Levi turns to look at you after that. His stare bores into you but he doesn't come off threatening, you assume his last remark is directed solely at Jean.

When he turns back only glaring at Jean now with even more tenacity than before. He's ready to snap but Erwin has clearly had enough of the unwanted altercation in his office.

"Enough. The both of you. This is most bothersome." At the Commander's orders Levi is silenced although it takes all of his resolve to do so.

Finally bothering you take a good look at Jean. He's calm in an incredibly out of character way.

Is this not the man who trembled in his boots the first time he and Levi came into contact? It's almost as if he seems pleased with himself for drawing out such a reaction from his Captain.

Erwin shuffles through stacks of paperwork on his desk. The man needs an assistant at this point. You doubt you could find anything in that haphazard pile. Edges of crumpled paper poke out uncomfortably and Erwin becomes increasingly annoyed when he can't locate what it is he's looking for.

Just as you're about to ask if he requires any assistance it seems he's found what he's been looking for, that's if his eyes are any indication of the relief he feels.

"This." He holds up the paper, all eyes in the room are trained on it. "Under normal circumstances would not have to become an option."

"But these aren't normal circumstances?" Jean's thoughtless question is irksome when the answer is so obviously staring him down in the face.

Nonetheless Erwin nods incapable of losing his cool over something so minor.

"Sign to confirm to my proposition."

The document he places onto the desk isn't what you imagine, you can practically feel the dread climb up your throat once you're done scanning it. Jean's full name placed right next to yours in bold lettering has your stomach lurching. You don't have to read the rest to understand the new circumstances you've landed into.

To make matters worse Erwin places two rings down right in front of the both of you.

A pot of boiling hot water is what you've been thrown in.

Are you supposed to be some sort of replacement for potatoes? What's Jean in this scenario? Carrots?

"It is troublesome to have the two of you put on an act to be involved with one another but I see it as our safest option." Erwin notices your parted lips and slacked jaw. "You need not worry this isn't a marriage contract, you're simply acting."

There's no path out of this pot, you and Jean will simply have to deal with the prospect of being boiled alive.

Ah, you forgot to mention who would act as the hot water but you're sure the suspect is obvious.

Even right now Levi's fury radiates off of him, it's unclear if he was given the details of the Commander's plan beforehand but if his furrowed brow and pursed lips are indicators of the truth he must have had no idea.

Your suspicions are confirmed to be correct once Levi reaches forward plucking the paper away, it just so happens he's snatched it away the very moment Jean leans in to get a closer look at it.

"I was never informed of this."

Erwin gives him a guarded smile. "Do you have any jurisdiction over what I think is best?" Is his freezing reply.

"Yes. When it concerns my wife and another man - Correction. I meant boy."

Jean's taken aback by the subtle jab and shamefacedly shoves his hands into his pockets.

You watch the scene go down with a perplexed look the entire time. Levi's frustration seems to be legitimate yet he has no logical reason for it to ever be present in the first place. Unless he has a plan which outperforms the one you've just been given he's doing this all for nothing.

"I assure you your wife is in safe hands so long as you stop interfering."

Levi's about to bark back until he catches your confusion. He's become aware of your tilted head and telling expression and only then does he silence himself permanently not before sighing deeply, muttering an expletive under his breath.

"I’ll sign it.” That seems to be Jean’s indirect way of asking what your choice will be.

“I... will too.” Is your hesitant reply.

Levi only becomes avoidant after that. Half way through Erwin explaining how you and Jean have to look believable Levi just ups and leaves without a word. Perhaps you've hurt his pride but for what he's done to you it's a small price to pay and so you do nothing to make amends. He has no reason to feel uncomfortable, you aren't really his wife, you're essentially strangers. Does he even know your favourite colour? Your favourite food? Your favourite pastime?

You doubt he does.

Jean and you are rather successful with your act. It feels pleasant having him brush your hair out of your face occasionally or lovingly place a hand on your forehead to check if you've come down with a fever. He laces his fingers with yours when others are around and when they aren't he lets the act go. It's satisfying having a cooperative partner.

Naturally Jean is still a tease, even now he makes the odd suggestive comment or two in passing but you can't say you hate it. In fact it excites you to think of a response that borders the edge of teasing and simple fun between friends.

The increasing openness between the two of you is enough for the cadets to deduce that he's most probably the noble man you wed in secrecy.

It's only been a few days since yours and Jean's newfound behaviour, thankfully you haven't been flooded with questions just yet. The higher ups sit nearby during breakfast, lunch and dinner keeping watch over the cadets. It leaves you able to eat and drink without having to handle the constant inquiring of your comrades.

However, you aren't as lucky today. A meeting's taking place and after yours and Jean's convincing act Erwin deems it safe enough to leave you unattended for a short while.

Of course it doesn't go according to plan because when you're involved when does anything ever go according to plan?

The cadets are flocked around your table at dinner as soon as they notice they've been left to their own devices. The opportunity to sit down without everyone invading your space is barely provided to you. Krista is sat to your right leaning into you rather animatedly, Annie has made herself at home sat across you which in itself is completely out of character and slightly unnerving, Annie never and you repeat never concerns herself with you.

"Why did you and Jean hide it?" Armin hovers over your shoulder as per usual. He can't be blamed for naturally being inquisitive and it does give you the opportunity to lay out the foundations of your plan. Now's your time to muster up one of your rehearsed responses.

"It would interfere with work." You respond immediately wanting to appear natural. Pondering on an answer for too long would raise suspicions.

Armin makes a sound of approval and shuffles into the seat next to Krista, that is until Ymir can be overheard telling him to move if he knows what's best for him.

"I have a question." Says a voice across the table, you don't have to look at the blonde parallel to you to know it's her.

For once Annie’s initiated a conversation with you, she’s not particularly great at keeping her intentions discreet. Maybe she doesn’t care if you can tell what she’s up to? But if that’s the case her plan isn’t all that foolproof, there's no way you're to let any details slip away.

Sharply inhaling waiting for what it is she has to say you find that her sentence never comes. Instead she shakes her head and murmurs a "Never mind.". You don't even have the time to ask her to stick around, she's already rose from her seat taking her unfinished plate of food with her, you let her go assuming she feels unwell.

"So how'd you two meet? Jean already told me earlier but I'd like to hear your side." Reiner's taken Annie's empty seat and his gaze is unwavering. The trap they've set up is a clever one. Surveying the hall for Bertholdt you know he has to be observing too. The two never operate alone.

You suddenly hate Reiner. For whatever reason he and his trio are endlessly obsessed with you, they've caught onto something that's for sure but you don't know what it is and now they've completely ensnared you with a backhanded trick. There's no way out of this, you have no idea what it is Jean said to Reiner, the chances of you providing the exact same answer are slim to none.

"My memory is really fuzzy, I don't think Jean gave off much of a first impression so I've forgot." Your horrible excuse doesn't fly by, everyone simultaneously narrows their eyes in disbelief. What you've said isn't convincing at all.

Husband and Wife yet you've forgot how the two of you met?

Fidgeting with the ring adorning your finger the cool metal isn't doing a great job at alleviating the pressure of the situation.

"Jean said the two of you hit it off almost instantly. Who's being dishonest?"

Reiner's either lying to catch you out or he's saying the God honest truth and right now all you can do is hope and pray for a miracle to sweep you off your feet. Mikasa and Jean still aren't within view. At this point you're hoping for Levi to save you, it doesn't matter how so long as you escape unscathed.

"Hey, I think we're just making her anxious with all the questions." Armin is quick to side with you, deep down you know he only does so due to the respect he holds for his Commander. You thank the Heaven's for Erwin's admirable smile and commendable leadership, it seems to be the only reason Armin believes you and Jean.

"Or she's lying." Reiner's resting his head in one of his palms, he's still boring holes right into your frame.

Your eye twitches, this is all unnecessary and uncalled for, whatever it is Reiner wants out of you it better be worthwhile.

He still eggs you on. "You walked out of the Captain's quarters. I saw you."

Standing up and leaning forward you plant your feet to the ground as firmly as you can you.

"And if she did what's it to you?"

Fighting the urge to sigh in relief you've never been happier to hear Jean's voice but something's off. His breathing sounds heavy - like he fought his way to get inside. Turning only then do you notice Mikasa standing by him. She looks equally as exhausted. There's been some sort of a struggle.

"You think it was funny getting Annie to guard the door?" He heaves and runs a frustrated hand through his hair.

"And you think hiding secrets from the rest of us is any better?" Reiner's adamant there's information that the both of you are hiding, he's not wrong but that doesn't change that he's challenging you unprovoked without a reasonable motive.

"We're hiding nothing." Unlike you Jean is sure of his words, he's confident speaking up and he seems to be able to pull off the role of a protective husband perfectly.

“I came out of the Captain’s quarters because he had access to hot water. He said I could use his shower. That’s all it was.”

Reiner quirks an eyebrow upwards and is pleased with your answer. God you’ve said something incriminating haven’t you? It's not incriminating per se but it's without doubt malleable and easy to twist.

“Jean, you were okay with your wife doing that at the dead of night?” Reiner's still leading the interrogation.

“I was the one who suggested it.”

“I don’t believe you’re a couple." If it were Reiner who said that you wouldn't care much, after all it's pretty clear he never believed it but to your displeasure it isn't him who's spoken. Ymir's lopsided grin is all knowing and you're beginning to lose your footing in this argument any second now if any more people start to side against you.

If Ymir disagrees that almost certainly means Krista has her qualms about you too, you've observed beforehand that Ymir tends to speak for Krista on occasion. This happens to be one of those times.

Krista timidly raises her hand and Ymir gives her an approving nod encouraging her to speak.

"I don't like the conflict going on but it is suspicious..."

"Why have I only ever seen you two hold hands?" She asks.

Ymir slings her arm over Krista's shoulder affectionately. "Yeah, I tell Krista I'll marry her every day of the week."

Mikasa mumbles something unintelligible, Ymir gives her a look of warning but Mikasa doesn't seem to care. Instead she repeats what she has to say loud and clear.

"Stick to only speaking when Krista is involved."

Krista holds Ymir by her arm so she doesn't get up, she knows how she gets when she's been provoked. Even if Krista has her suspicions it isn't worth Ymir gaining a permanent penalty point on her record.

Thankfully Armin cuts in. "There's no solid evidence to show they're lying and even if they are the Commander's most probably told them to. Don't you think there's a reason? Leave it be if that's the case. I trust him with our lives."

"We have a right to know." Annie's returned and insists to keep this back and forth going.

Just as you're about to fire back Jean takes a hold of your waist, you look down and seeing his large hands planted securely around your frame has your stomach bubbling with anticipation.

"What are you— "

And then he kisses you, he doesn't ask and instinctively your arms move to whack his chest but you stop yourself in time. You realize it's for the sake of your plan not falling through and so you gently place your hands on his shoulders attempting to ground yourself. It becomes increasingly difficult when you sink deeper into the kiss than you'd like to admit. Blood rushes to the tips of your ears and the thumping of your heartbeat makes it difficult to articulate any thoughts, all you really know is that you like this, whatever this is.

Jean's hands don't feel like they were made to rest against your back, they feel slightly out of place as if he's a key and you're an unmatched lock. In spite of that the circles he comfortingly rubs into the sides of your waist are appreciated, you almost forget you're in a room full of people until you're flooded by cold air.

You've been dragged off of Jean and something in the pit of your stomach has you wishing Levi isn't responsible for the interruption.

To your relief it's just Hange, they're glowing in mischief, the grin on their face shows they aren't mad. They might even find this entertaining.

"Well I be damned... maybe they weren't bluffing?" Connie's been persuaded by the looks of it and Krista's busy whispering to Ymir, you hear the faint sound of the word "Romantic" escape her lips, she's equally as convinced as Connie.

Hange smacks your back light-heartedly and looks to the door for a second. "We leave ya' both for a while and you decide to give everyone a show?"

Erwin's stood by the doorway with a humorous smile playing at his lips, Levi however is anything but amused, he glares at you with murderous eyes, he looks like he's ready to end your life then and there but you know he won't dare do so and for a second you feel braver than you ever have before. Without much thought you grab onto Jean's forearm.

"Me and my husband will get going now!" You allow your gaze to loiter when you get to Reiner. He grunts an apology and you're oh so tempted to ask him to repeat himself but you'd rather not instigate anything.

With that said and done you and Jean leave after giving the performance of your lives.

Slowly but gradually the sky outside becomes dark.

The will to sleep left your body long ago. It's by pure luck that you even manage to catch three hours of rest. Training is the only available distraction and dying out in battle isn't favourable by any means, your boredom may as well be used resourcefully - Strapping yourself up in your ODM gear is the best option.

A quarter way through your warm up you can sense a presence behind you, the leaves rustle and the wind feels noticeably quieter. You'd bother to turn around to see who's intruded but Levi's snuck close enough for you to be able to smell his perfume from where you're stood.

"Feel disrespected? Embarrassed even?" You jab at him knowing it'll rile him up, you don't face him not wanting to give him the pleasure of seeing your face.

"Watch your mouth." he warns sharply.

Rolling your eyes you go about your business, it stays that way for a few minutes. All the while Levi stares at you darting from tree to tree, his scrutinizing gaze scalding you repeatedly.

"Y/N!" He yells at the top of his lungs.

For some unknown reason you automatically stop and lower yourself to the ground

"I have something to tell you." Comes his tense follow up. A finger of his latches onto one of the leather straps on your back.

You can't believe he's still denying the undeniable.

"You can wait till tomorrow. I'll be going to bed."

Levi doesn't seem to care for your cold response and proceeds with no warning.

"I'm jealous." His voice shakes. The grip he has on your harness doesn't let up. With your back turned to him you're still somehow able to detect the very obvious crack of pain.

Levi, jealous?

Gritting your teeth together you feel deceived.

How much longer will you have to tolerate Levi's push and pull?

“May I ask, what he is to you, my love?”

Your breathing grows heavy, tensing up you're completely shocked by the term of endearment that falls from his lips. You haven't heard it for so long, Levi sounds eerily different.

You hate to admit it but a flicker of foolish hope lights in your chest.

"Levi why would you ask— "

"Why don't you call me Lev anymore?" He whispers sounding strangled. You can't take it anymore and hesitantly look his way.

His eyes are filled with tears "I'm sorry my love, I don't know what went wrong." you falter for a second not knowing what to think.

At that moment the flicker becomes a flame.

The man who stands right before you is meant to be dead, never to be seen again. By all accounts this should be impossible, but Lev has always been a fighter.

Bitterness stings your heart, the wounds you've collected are still fresh but despite your body's protests you don't flinch when he gently takes a hold of your wrist, bringing it closer to his mouth.

"Lev...? Is that really you...?" You ask desperately.

The warm kiss he presses against your pulse point provides you with the answer you've been longing for.

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coolcattime · 3 years ago

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The first few executions I've written for the Mianite Danganronpa AU!! These are the executions for Sonja, Jordan, Capsize, and Skipper (only one of them is actually marked as a blackened but I wanted to write one for every character).

As a brief trigger warning; these are executions so obviously except description of death and injury. For these particular ones, there is mention of hanging, decapitation, and minor injuries prior to death. I've tried to keep all these descriptions brief so these are minor methods.

Under each execution will be a brief explaination to my thoughts and inspirations for them, which will contain some spoilers for danganronpa, and some fangames.

Also, some of these executions refer to Monokuma, that's because I haven't gotten a replacement for him for Mianite Danganronpa, and therefore have been working with him as the killing game host for the time being.

I hope you enjoy!!

{Characters in these executions}

Sonja (Ultimate Animal Rescuer): Cage Match!

Sonja finds herself in a cramped cage. She attempts to leave, only for Monokuma to appear, locking it with a padlock and wielding the padlock shut. A countdown appears, and panicking she attempts to break out of the cage, but only succeeds in making it fall on its side, leaving the door against the ground.

As the cage falls, five spotlights turn on, each illuminating the cage of a growling Monokuma Fox. With the countdown having only thirty seconds left; she begins kicking at the bars of her cage to attempt to escape. She manages to kick one bar off, which creates a gap but one too small for her to fit through.

The countdown reaches zero and the cages with the Monokuma Foxes open. The descend onto Sonja, entering her cage through the gap she made and ripping her apart.

Explaination:

This is probably my least favourite execution this is batch, primarily because I wanted to do something very different, but ended up switching away from the idea at the last minute. Originally, I wanted to do something related for fur (as I know foxes are hunted for furs) but I honestly couldn't think of a why to do that without switching off topic or making it feel like fan service. I might actually rewrite this one to be an illusion to fox hunting, but I think that would be after I got some more idea.

I actually didn't have much in-game inspiration for this (though I think it has similar vibes to a execution from Penguinronpa, which is a fan project I really recommend checking out if you liked Club Penguin and are up for a lot of reading). However, that's more because the animal themed executions aren't my favourites. But I really liked the idea of Sonja being killed by someone she strived to protect, especially as protecting people is one of her main goals in the story.

Jordan (Ultimate ???/Archer): Shoot in the Dark.

Jordan is chained to a wall at the back of what looks like an abandoned warehouse. On the wall behind him, a crude target has been spray-painted, with the centre of the target on Jordan’s chest. Monokuma appears with a bow and a quiver of arrows. He places a blindfold over his eyes and takes aim.

Monokuma begins rapidly firing, the arrows flying wildly around the room. Most of them end up stuck in the walls, but a few find their mark in non-lethal places on Jordan’s body. Shaking, Jordan looks down as his body. Monokuma fires one final arrow, this one hitting Jordan in the neck. Blood leaks from the ultimate’s wounds and mouth for his last moments before he dies.

Explaintion:

I think this is probably the most simply execution of the batch, but I honestly don't think it needs to be more complex. I thought about maybe doing something with Jordan's mystery talent, but since Jordan isn't planned to be executed, I decided to just focus on his actual talent.

The main inspiration for this was actually a fan execution for Nagito that I found awhile ago. (Link)

I really liked the general vibe of being strapped to a target, and obviously a person being blindfolded and firing a bow is a pretty common image. I also really liked the idea that the final shot doesn't even actually hit the target on Jordan's chest and instead hits his neck as I thought that would almost be a final insult for the ultimate archer.

Capsize (Ultimate Navigator): Thousand Cut Journey

Capsize finds herself in a maze of thorns with a collar around her neck that has a timer counting down. A sign directs her to find the centre of the maze for a key to the collar. She begins to rush through the maze, having to push through parts of the maze where the walls are incredibly close together, cutting through her clothes and into her skin.

When the timer reaches the halfway point, the walls of the maze start closing in. Capsize panicking, picking a random directing and running, attempting to avoid injury but that proves harder and harder with the thin spaces she has to move through. In the darkness, she thinks she spots her brother and Sonja. With the time remaining growing shorter, and her collar being to beep, she rushes towards them.

She bursts into the centre of the mazes, nobody in sight but there is a pillar wrapped with roses, upon which sits a key. With the beeping intensifying, she rushes to grab the key. She shoves the key into the lock. As the collar falls, so does her head. Her body slumps, her head rolling along the ground until it hits the pillar.

Explaination:

Welcome to my favourite execution of this batch (obviously I give my hyperfixation character my favourite death). I knew I wanted a maze for Capsize, though the type of maze changed as it was originally inspired by the minotaur maze myth before I switched over to thorns and a head cutting collar to go with Capsize's themes in the fandom, namely roses and having her neck sliced.

There were three inspirations for this execution; the second execution in V3, Stand of Agony (Link; Warning for some kinda fanservice); the third execution in Super Danganronpa Another 2 (Link; warning for decapitation and hanging); and an unused execution from the first game (Link). Obviously the main inspirate is Stand of Agony, with somone desperately going through extreme measures to avoid their execution, only for there not to have ever been a way out, with aspects of the other executions that I thought suited the theme put in.

Skipper (Ultimate Second-in-Command): Final Orders

Skipper is strung up like a marionette with strings attached to the ceiling. He’s in what looks like a large warehouse with various boxes around the place, and one wall made of glass. In front of him stands Monokuma, dressed to appear like Capsize. On the other side of the glass stands everyone else.

Monokuma begins giving orders, the strings pulling Skipper and forcing him to carry them out. It becomes clear that he’s being forced to build something, then it becomes even clearer that he’s building gallows. Capsize is now at the front of the group and having realised what is going to happen has begun to attempt breaking the glass.

The gallows are fully built, and Monokuma gives a final order. Skipper is made to climb the gallows and put the noose around his neck, Monokuma standing by the leaver to trigger the execution. The strings drop from the ceiling and, now free to move, he attempts to remove the noose, but Monokuma pulls the leaver before he can.

It cuts to Capsize’s reaction, kneeling on the ground and sobbing. It pulls back to everyone else, looking on horrified, and then passing back pass the silhouetted hanging body of Skipper.

Explaination:

So, Skipper is the only one of this group who is a blackened. He also happens to be a blackened where I've come up with an entire case as to how the murder happens (the only thing I don't know if the victim). So I decided to have some features of the execution link into the case, such as the ultimate method of death and the reactions of Capsize.

The major inspiration for this execution is the second execution of Danganronpa 2 One Woman Army (Link). Especially the puppet imagery.

#mianite #mianite au #mianite danganronpa au #captain sparklez #omgitsfirefoxx #captain capsize #skipperredbeard #cw death #cw injury #cw hanging #cw decapitation

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iwritethat · 5 years ago

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Dick Grayson: Fine Cuisine

Summary: Fluff

• Dick is unprepared for a family meal but your offer your fine expertise and have the whole family asking questions about you.

Warnings: Mature language

A/N: Hello lovlies! I’ve missed you all so much, I hope this helps a bit and there’s so much more I could add onto this so please enjoy and lemme know how you all are~

>>>>—————————>

It started with a family dinner.

As many curious situations do in retrospect, but with a family of vigilantes whose relationship ties have frayed, intermingled and been resewn makes for more interesting get-togethers compared to most.

One thing they could all agree on though? Dick Grayson cannot cook.

"I can't believe that, they just assume it's going to end in a takeout?" Came your amused voice as you placed a coffee on your kitchen island that Dick was currently seated - or rather slumped at.

"It's because the last two times I've hosted something like this, takeout has saved my ass." The ravenette embarrassingly clarifies, voice trailing off toward the end and did his best to avoid looking at you.

Dick Grayson was technically a neighbour, albeit living a few floors below your more lavish (and expensive) apartment suite. After moving into the complex on the same day, you quickly excavated the common ground to build a solid foundation for friendship - as such, meet-ups like these became a regular thing, switching apartments each time.

"Then, I'll help you out." You proudly confirmed, gesturing to your grand kitchen which was the sole reason you’d brought the place - one of the many things Dick envied about your luxurious living area compared to the standardised version of his own, though on an Officers salary he couldn’t afford something like this.

"Ah (Y/n) no, I can't let you do that!” Came his instant reply, hands waving defensively as he adamantaly brainstormed another excuse. “Plus you'll be working that night."

"True, but that doesn't mean I can't set you up beforehand. We'll start tomorrow, I'll teach you a recipe."

———

As previously planned, Dick turned up at your door rather nervously even though he’d been around you many times - not once had he demonstrated a serious negative flaw to his character in order to impress you, but cooking was one of them and you were about to witness chaos that’d likely dispel any romantic inclination he hoped you held for him.

“Ready?”

“No.”

With a playful laugh, you rolled your eyes and pulled the male into your kitchen noting how he was likely tired from his shift at Blüdhavens Police Department earlier that afternoon so a good meal should do wonders. Maybe it’d give him a better nights sleep too? The acrobat never seemed to obtain many of those for some unknown reason, apparently it’s ‘too noisy’ in the city.

“Oh and you can host in my apartment, it’s bigger and I’ll have all the equipment you need. You already have a spare key anyway.”

“You’re really amazing, I don’t deserve you - y’know that?” There were deeper feelings involved in that seemily offhanded thank you, ones relating to his role as Nightwing and his past mistakes which all remained a hated secret from you.

It started well, Dick following along with ease and you concluded that he picked things up fast with how observant he was which sped up the process. The main course he’d nailed with your guidance and so, you decided to move onto dessert.

“Now we add cocoa powder to th-“ You’d froze, mouth open out of surprise with the substances dusting your lips, cheek and part of your left collar bone - the offender in question mirroring your expression, albeit holding back his laughter due to his colossal misjudgement.

“I - I didn’t think it’d go everywhere when I ripped the packet open...”

“You don’t ever rip the packet, you tear it gently!” Came your dangerously mischievous correction, licking the sweet substance from your lips before flicking the currently non-chocolate brownie covered spoon at him with flecks landing on the side of his face.

“Oh, it’s on!”

This ensued an all out war, the two of you ducking and dodging oncoming attacks as you danced around the kitchen island with varying results of accuracy until Dick decided to slide over the marble surface and capture you in his arms.

His embrace faltered slightly as your back hit the island during your feeble attempt to get away, finding yourself trapped between him and the cool surface too enthralled in the carefree antics to notice the proximity. A beat of silence passed once the atmosphere had settled, Dick releasing a breathy chuckle with his grip around your waist loosening slightly as you looked up with a victorious smirk - he took the opportunity to lean forward slightly as if testing the waters and careful to note any kind of reaction you replied with.

However, there was a lack of trust as all is fair in love and war, hence your devious reasoning to close the gap some more and with the softness of his warm breath dancing on your lips you swiftly leaned past his whilst dragging your tongue across his cheek. Dick pulled back instantly, a mix of disgust and offence in his eyes as you spoke.

“Needs more sugar.”

“I’m sweet enough as it is thank you, you’d know that if you’d have just kissed me instead of betraying me like that!” Dick wittily snapped back, admiring the melodious laughter that escaped you at his response.

“I’m sure you do, speaking of - these brownies should last until the dinner so you won’t have to make them again on the day alright? I’ll get everything ready so you don’t have to worry about a thing.”

“I guess you’d taste pretty sweet too.” Though referencing your kind nature, you couldn’t help but lightly punch him in the shoulder.

———

Regardless of Dicks wistful prayers, the deadline had finally arrived and his family would be sporadically arriving in a matter of hours - so help him.

"All the ingredients are on the counter - do not use anything else - and I've detailed the instructions on the whiteboard in case you forget anything." You pointed to each item as you spoke, donning a jacket before barely making it past the kitchen doorframe due to your neighbours dramatically desperate pleas.

"Can't you just stay? And do it with me?"

"I have to go to work." You laughed at his antics, the man looking like a lost puppy amidst your vast collection of kitchen utensils.

"Work will survive without you, c'mon you wouldn't lose out on much - I'll even pay for the trouble."

That, truly caused you to hesitate with a look of sheer bemusement, a mischievous glint dancing in your irises that mocked his claim almost as much as your sardonic tone.

"If you truly knew my job and paycheck then you'd take that back.” With that, you were quick to flip to a more cheerful voice as you waved goodbye to a pouting Grayson. “Anyway, you'll be fine and tell me how it went once I get back~"

"Wait (Y/n) h-"

The slam of the front door echoed your departure leaving a Dick feeling more lost than ever, the kitchen seemingly quadrupling in size now.

Bruce arrived first along with Damian, Cass, Duke and Alfred. Then there was Tim who’d apparently travelled from Titans tower and finally Jason who’d sauntered in fashionably late as predicted but only by 5 minutes. Each baffled by the sudden change of location which only intensified when the host brought out plates of home cooked dinner.

"..."

"This... this isn't take out..."

"No, it's actual food.” Dick confirmed almost offended and words laced with a hint of underlying sarcasm. “That I made myself."

"Okay, so uh - is it edible then?" Jason quipped back, smirking at his elder brother in a smug manner that only he could achieve.

"Would you just eat it? I went through a lot of stress and effort for this."

Dick encouraging everyone as he sat down, the action only bemusing the members of his family more as they complied to his wishes with varying degrees of hesitance from each of them. Damian trusted Dick the most, but he patiently waited for his father to finish his mouthful before even touching his own dish.

"Wow, this is incredible, the flavour and everything - Dick what happened to you?!" Duke enthusiastically mocked and continued to devour the meal with a sense of radiance which contrasted to Cassandras pure silence as she savoured every tasteful mouthful.

"Grayson, there is no way you are solely responsible for this cuisine." Damian suspiciously raised a brow at the older hero, tentatively laying his cutlery elegantly on the now clear plate.

"Thank you, and maybe I had some assistance from my neighbour."

“Thank you for dinner Dick, it was surprisingly delicious and please give our thanks to your mysterious friend too.” Bruce knowingly added, proud of his protégés accomplishments - though minor in comparison to Alfreds glowing exterior.

“I told you there was hope Master Bruce.”

"Bro, they left a whole list of instructions so you wouldn't mess up and hey, call if you need anything. Sounds like a plan -" Jason, who had waited until everyone was finished explored your kitchen in hopes of finding some evidence as to who their saviour was.

"Jason no! They're working!"

"It‘s an emergency, you’ve been replaced by a clone with adequate cooking skills!” Tim wittily added once leaning against the kitchen doorframe to observe the scene with Damian inspecting the whiteboard before questioning it’s purpose.

“Why leave this if they couldn't answer then?"

"That's the point, she will answer and I don't want to disturb her right now. They've done enough for me already." Dick painfully sighed, strategically slapping Jason’s phone into the air and catching it with his other hand in one swift motion much to the irritation of the latter.

"Hold up - she?" Duke cut in now, holding his hands out for emphasis and subtlety fishing for elaboration.

"Are you dating...?” Jason hummed, taking a moment to analyse Dicks reaction prior to cementing his assumption. “No, but you want to, right?"

“We are not -“

“You want to date someone?” Cass innocently inquired now walking in with a pile of plates, Bruce and Alfred following in afterwards with clean up of their own.

“I mean I -“

“I’ve seen enough of your crushes to know you have one, you’re already flustered by thinking about them romantically.” Bruce effortlessly deducted, Alfred nodding in agreement whilst commencing the washing up.

“You can’t just call me out like that Bats, after everything with been through too.” Dick feigned betrayal, a hand on his heart whilst Bruce shook his head.

“Oh yeah, how long did he wait for Starfire and Barbara though?” Tim jokingly nudged Jason who chuckled at the small dig, though charismatic and charming - when real feelings were involved, Dick Grayson wasn’t one to straightforwardly act on them.

“Real mature guys.”

“I think you should tell her.” Was the sincere voice of reason, Cassandras kind smile enough to silence the devilish remarks of his brothers who now shrugged in defeat.

“We could help...”

———

Miraculously, you'd attained reservations at the most eloquent restaurant in Gotham, located in the more luxurious district of the wealthy. As a result, it served only the finest gourmet cuisine and had waiting lists longer than any other, so much so that even Bruce Wayne had yet to successfully book a place at the establishment.

You had given him the news when he’d recounted the events of his family dinner (skipping over certain discussions) and how they were grateful for your generosity.

Now, you'd asked Dick for how many he'd like seated at the table so you could finalise the arrangements - he knew you worked there, meaning staff privileges were likely applied in this situation but he was still left speechless.

Gawking at the skyrocketing prices, Dick now understood how much missing one day of work would seriously cost you - he definitely couldn't have afforded your time that night after all.

"So, you say you're paying for this?"

With a painstaking hum of agreement, the eldest nodded with a hint of concern detected on his features, fortunately Bruce had come prepared with his own credit card (just in case). Although his family could be provoking and frivolous toward one another, they were also respectful in situations like these and wouldn't run the bill up too high like certain members would if Bruce had been footing the bill. Dick had a charismatic bond with all of them in that sense.

Meanwhile, you handled everything in your kitchen of organised chaos as the orders came pouring in, including that of Dicks table who you had yet to formerly greet.

"This is cereal..." The head waiter meant it more of a question than a statement, looking to you with upmost uncertainty due to the simplicity of the dish compared to those on your signature menu.

Did they even stock Lucky Charms with the ingredients? The answer was no, you’d intentionally bought them purely for this very day and scenario.

"I know, I know - please serve it to my neighbour on Table 12, he'll get it." You humourously assured the man who seemed to have more to say but didn’t wish to argue with higher authority.

"Ah, Chef..." Your sous chef called moments later, overlooking the scene with mild skeptism before realising the nature of your scheme.

"Hm?"

"You do realise he is currently seated with Mr Bruce Wayne, don't you?" Upon processing that unprecedented information you immediately bolted - hot on the trail of the waiter with a weak promise in your wake.

"What?! I thought he'd bring his friends along not his- oh god, I just sent them cereal- shit, I'll be right back!"

With strategy and precision, you carefully intercepted the tray only seconds before it’d be placed in front of the empty seat of Dick Grayson - the man in question probably taking a bathroom break.

"Aha, pardon me, this was an incorrect order on my part, please forgive the interruption." You bowed with an apology, disappearing in hopes the remainder of the party hadn’t the time to fully decipher the mistake.

Of course, unbeknownst to you, this was a table full of detectives who constantly observed even the most trivial of details.

"Was that... cereal?"

The night followed on as planned, yourself wrapped up in cooking and supervising throughout the night with the only interruption coming from the waiting staff informing you that Table 12 would like to meet the Chef. Such a gesture was commonplace for you, customers regarded as strangers being much less intimidating than your neighbours family - you couldn’t comprehend why, it’s not like you were dating him or anything but their auras just radiated strength.

"Good evening, I'm glad to hear you -" Arriving at the table, you weren’t given the chance to finish before Dick had stood to greet you with a warm smile gently brushing your upper arm once deciding against hugging you out of habit.

"Hey, (Y/n). You didn’t come over this morning, everything alright?"

"Yeah, it's fine Dick I just had to readjust a menu." You waved his worries off with a grateful nod, hands on your hips in accomplishment as you expected to resume natural conversation with him.

"Okay okay, compliments to you, the food was immaculate - but how do you know our brother?" A youthful male bearing a white streak through his hair cut in, genuine sincerity in his tone when offering his praise before incredulously gesturing to Dick.

"He's my neighbour."

"I - he's a what now?" Duke shook his head in disbelief, looking between you both rather unconvinced.

"Are you kidding me Grayson?!" Tim was next, the most exasperated out of the whole table as he pinched the bridge of his nose whilst Dick quizzically scanned each of his company for insight.

"What...?"

"You got cooking lessons from one of the top Chefs in the whole damn country, you're friends with her, and you didn't even know who she was?!" The slimly built youth exclaimed, apparently knowledgeable in regards to the culinary world and had read of your famous reputation.

“(Y/n) (L/n) owns this restaurant Dick. Also, thank for the other week, the recipe was lovely.” Bruce politely added, nodding to you with a smile.

“You didn’t say that, you only said you worked here.” Dick turned to you now, in a feeble attempt to justify his lack of acknowledgment to your renowned status.

“Well, I do. In my defence you never asked, I mean my apartment and kitchen are rather fancy - that didn’t come on minimum wage.” You replied a matter-of-factly with an air of confidence to your voice.

"Are we forgetting that this is also the chef who was going to serve Richard cereal?" At the remark from Duke, a heated flush adorned your skin due to the embarrassment of being caught - the whole table breaking into collective chuckles.

"You were? - Wow that's such a dick move!" Dick was openly laughing at your failed attempt at humour, lightly nudging your side as you pushed him away in playful defence.

"Shut up! I didn't realise you were with your family, or else I wouldn't have done it."

Jason immediately waved that claim off, cheekily smirking at you as he spoke. “Oh no, I'm so glad you did, honestly it's the main reason I like you right now."

“That and you spared us the horror of Graysons cooking.” Damian conviently inputted, conniving grin sent to his favourite brother.

“You’re welcome, ah I apologise but I should get back to work so please excuse me. It was a pleasure meeting you all.” Taking a calculating glance over the expanse of exquisite tables and order exchanges you thought it best to return to your duties with a gracious smile and started toward the kitchen.

“Can I drop by tonight, I won’t be able to afford any thank you gifts after this but I’ll bring you a coffee?” Dick cheerily inquired, causing you to spin on your heel with a shy laugh and confirmation of his proposal.

“Don’t worry, this is my treat. You guys don’t have to pay for anything so enjoy the rest of your evening.” With that you were once again swept up into the busy atmosphere beyond the kitchen doors.

The table remained quiet for a few moments, Dick sitting down and looking to them almost as if searching for their impressions of you only to be met with bemused, impressed and mischievous gazes.

Not for you, oh no - these were shamelessly directed at a now enamoured Dick Grayson.

“Please marry her.”

#dick grayson #dick grayson imagine #dick grayson x reader #dc #dc imagine #nightwing #nightwing x reader #nightwing imagine

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haniawritesfiction · 3 years ago

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Recent Reads-July/August 2021

The Psychology of Time Travel By Kate Mascarenhas

In a world where time travel was invented in the 1960s, two women become caught up in a murder that hasn't yet happened. For a book about time travel, The Psychology of Time Travel feels closer to realistic fiction than a sci-fi novel, honestly, if we ever invent time travel I could see this easily happening. For all that it technically a mystery, this book is more interested in the relationships, dysfunctions, and institutions that create these circumstances than the actual mystery. Don't go into this book expecting a murder mystery and you won't be disappointed. Mascarenhas masterfully uses pov's of minor characters to make this world feel truly immersive while never losing sight of her main characters, both of whom are flawed, fascinating, and very human. A great take on the time travel genre. -9/10

Devil's Ballast By Meg Caddy

A swashbuckling adventure focusing on the famed female pirate Anne Bonny. Devil's Ballast was.... a weird one. For a book that's meant to be a pirate adventure the pace is way too slow at times and then when it finally reaches the action, it rushes through it. The book also had a completely unnecessary pov of a pirate hunter that added absolutely nothing to the plot. I feel like I would've enjoyed the whole book way more if Anne herself had been more memorable, I'd just finished watching Black Sails, so Devil's Ballast's Anne Bonny and Jack Rackham are pretty boring in comparison to their Black Sails counterparts. But the part of the book that irked me the most was the romance. Anne spends the whole book seeming not that interested in Jack until the last second when he's her great love again. The strongest relationship in this book is the friendship between her and Mark Read, which was pretty cute and my favorite part of the whole book. -4/10

The Strangers Child By Alan Hollinghurst

In Edwardian England, while staying at a friend's house, a man writes a love poem that becomes famous. In the decades following, his family and friends are forced to live with his, and the poem's legacy. The Stranger's Child is an incredibly atmospheric book, with beautiful prose, but it felt like a bit of a letdown. Instead of an exploration of what if a famous love poem is actually gay, it's more of a meandering look at various moments in English history and the people living through it. There were chapters that just felt entirely pointless and there were only three sections that actually felt thematically linked. This book had so much potential, but it felt like the author's vision and the supposed premise were constantly at odds.-6/10

Crooked Kingdom By Leigh Bardugo

The sequel to Six Of Crows; political intrigue, gang wars, and magic all meet in the seedy underworld of Ketterdam. I read Six Of Crows about four months ago and mostly enjoyed it, though to be honest, I didn't quite get the hype. With this book, I get it. Crooked Kingdom weaves a complex and engaging plot to match it's superb worldbuilding and characters and I read it in one sitting. The fantasy elements were never too overwhelming nor predictable and the ending was the perfect amount of bittersweet. If you struggled through Six Of Crows, give this one a try, you'll find it hard to put down.-8/10

Circe By Madeline Miller

A re-imagining of an often maligned figure in ancient Greek mythology: the sorceress Circe. I had a massive greek mythology phase as a kid and so reading this was a blast. Miller's writing has an appropriately mythical feel, weaving multiple myths together to explore Circe's psyche. Circe herself manages to be incredibly likable despite her flaws and Miller expands her beyond her common depiction as a vindictive, promiscuous woman. Because of the nature of the plot, I feel like having basic knowledge of greek mythology enhances the reading experience, especially knowledge of the odyssey. To understand this Circe, it's important to understand the Circe of the odyssey and the way the common tropes of greek mythology are being deconstructed.-10/10

Honey Girl By Morgan Rogers

A young woman feels lost after getting her doctorate and runs off to spend the summer with a woman she got married to while drunk in Vegas. Honey Girl is not a romance novel or really your traditional romcom, instead, it is an exploration of family and coming of age in your twenties with a well-written love story at its center. From the prose and general atmosphere, this book has an almost magical feel, yet manages to feel incredibly raw and real. If you're burnt out on romcoms and want something that isn't too saccharine yet leaves you with that warm fuzzy feeling, this book is for you.-10/10

Bolla By Pajtim Statovci

In 1990s Kosovo, two men, a Serbian and an Albanian fall in love. Years later, the two men both struggle with the after-effects of the war and their circumstances. Bolla is not the sort of book that you can say you like, though I certainly didn't dislike it. The writing is fantastic and has a very unique quality (possibly due to the novel having been translated from Finish) yet Bolla is incredibly bleak. The romance presumably at the center of the novel is less of the focus and instead what anchors the two men's stories. Their relationship is over by chapter three and at first, I was honestly a little peeved that it got that little attention or description, however by the end of the book I honestly felt it worked. A haunting story of war and the human condition.-7/10

The Kingdoms By Natasha Pulley

When a man gets off a train in London, he can remember barely anything about himself or his life, except the sense that the reality he is faced with is wrong; Britain has been under occupation by the French since they won the Napoleonic wars 85 years ago. Determined to find out who he really is, he follows a century-old letter to an abandoned Scottish lighthouse and finds himself the key to winning a war that could change everything. The Kingdoms is a book that keeps on giving, just the premise of a Britain occupied by France is fascinating, but Pulley goes a step further weaving a complex plot that kept me on the edge of my seat. Her writing is fantastic and like the premise, it felt like entire books could be written about every single setting. The characters are also engaging, from Joe, our main character, who is just so immediately likeable, to Kit, a character who is the definition of morally grey. My only quibble is the female characters, who feel fairly underdeveloped and only really there to flesh out the male ones. -9/10

Cinderella is Dead By Kalynn Bayron

300 years after Cinderella found her happy ending her legacy has been twisted to create a dystopian life for the girls living in her kingdom. Four to five years ago, I think I would've really liked Cinderella is Dead; I mean it's a sapphic fairytale retelling! But my taste in books has changed a lot and this book just felt far too YA for me. The writing felt young, the characters underdeveloped and the plot cliched.-2/10

#recent reads #haniawrites #recent reads july/august

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buzzdixonwriter · 4 years ago

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Super Duper Supermen

This will be a long one, so pour yourself a cuppa and settle down. We may seem to meander, but we’ve got a destination.

. . .

I’m tired of superheroes.

I’m tired of a lot of genre fiction.

Part of the reason is that too much of the current material is ugly and loud, but the real reason is it isn’t fresh, it isn’t fun.

I tried watching The Boys. I got to the end of the second scene of episode one and realize, “This ain’t for me” and turned it off and went over to YouTube and watched guys build model airplanes.

At least they look like they’re having fun.

. . .

Look, superheroes are a power fantasy and they’re okay for little kids who want to believe there’s always going to be a mommy or daddy who will protect them, but they’re an absurd genre at best and when you start taking them seriously -- and recently even the funny parodies and spoofs take themselves Too Damn Seriously -- they become horrific.

What prompted me to realize this is an article posted on The Vulcan by Abraham Riseman “The Boys Is the End of the Superhero As We Know It.”

Highly recommended, by the way.

. . .

It’s not like Riseman was the first to make this observation.

30+ years ago Gary Groth observed:

“Superman is one version of the hero with a thousand faces -- to employ the title of Joseph Cambell's excellent book on the subject -- and his appeal should therefore not surprise us. But Superman is a crude version of the hero; if you will, an elementary one. Unlike his more developed analogues in all the world's great religions, Superman does not offer love or goodwill, self-knowledge or contemplation as keys to man's salvation. He offers his own physical powers.”

And he ain’t the only one.

Alan Moore recently chimed in:

“They have blighted cinema and also blighted culture to a degree. Several years ago I said I thought it was a really worrying sign, that hundreds of thousands of adults were queuing up to see characters that were created 50 years ago to entertain 12-year-old boys. That seemed to speak to some kind of longing to escape from the complexities of the modern world and go back to a nostalgic, remembered childhood. That seemed dangerous; it was infantilizing the population.

“This may be entirely coincidence, but in 2016 when the American people elected a National Socialist satsuma and the U.K. voted to leave the European Union, six of the top 12 highest-grossing films were superhero movies. Not to say that one causes the other, but I think they’re both symptoms of the same thing — a denial of reality and an urge for simplistic and sensational solutions.”

. . .

I don’t like cruelty.

I used to enjoy old weird horror films back in the day -- movies like The Reanimator -- because I appreciated their absurdity and never took them seriously.

When the torture porn sub-genre came along, I lost interest in horror films.

The Babadook is the only modern one I’ve seen in the last 5 years and I enjoy it because like earlier horror films (and here I include both classic Universal / RKO movies and the artistry of Mario Bava and Dario Argento) it’s essentially a very dark fairy tale, not an exercise in cruelty for the sake of cruelty.

Violence doesn’t turn me off.

Sadism does.

And sadism is all about power and fascism is all about power, so when I remark on modern superhero and thriller and horror stories as being fascist, I know whereof I speak.

. . .

Superhero stories may not necessarily be tales told by idiots, but they are full of sound and fury, and signify nothing.

Ultimately superheroes fail because:

they can’t lose

they can’t win

There is no finality in the superhero genre. The damn Joker keeps crawling back, Les Luthor constantly schemes, Dr. Doom and Galactus pop up whenever things lag in the sales department.

Superheroes as a genre are failures insofar as they can’t permanently deal with these existentialist threats, nor can they step out of the way to let others deal with them.

Superheroes promise salvation but deliver bupkis, slapping a band-aid on a cancer and telling us it’s all better.

They can’t permanently defeat their greatest threats, yet neither can they be truly harmed by them.

I’ll grant you the occasional Captain Mar-Vel but they are very minor exceptions to the rule. Gwen Stacy was bumped off in The Amazing Spider-Man #121 in June 1973, first reappeared as a clone in May 1975 then several times thereafter, and most recently shows up as Spider-Gwen in Edge of Spider-Verse #2 (September 2014).

As Roy Thomas aptly observed: “In comics they’re only dead if you have a body and even then only maybe.”

(In fairness, there’s no finality in most formula / genre fiction either, but we’ll get to that in a bit.)

. . .

Before we delve deeper, let’s be clear as to what we’re discussing when we say “superheroes”.

They don’t need to possess “powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men”.

As noted above, they just have to be:

always victorious

never in real danger

You can bash ‘em / trash ‘em / slash ‘em / smash ‘em and they still bounce back -- heroically -- to save the day.

Break both legs, riddle them with machine gun bullets, hit them with a car, cave in their skulls with sledgehammers, and yet somehow they summon up the super-human reserves needed to keep in the fight.

Mind you, in the real world there are people who display super-human endurance in horrific situations and not merely survive but go on to achieve incredible success. They don’t do such things every year (as do heroes in movies), much less every month (comics) or every week (television). They sure as hell don’t make a career out of it.

Let’s veer away from brightly colored naked people flying & fighting to superheroes in a different genre than costumed crime fighters.

Mike Hammer is a superhero.

Sherlock Holmes is a superhero.

Philip Marlow might actually be a literary character.

Look at the criteria: Can they lose?

Never in Hammer’s case.

Rarely for Holmes (and when he does, it’s always with bittersweet irony).

Frequently enough with Marlowe that one can’t anticipate if any of his stories will end with him victorious (yeah, he solves mysteries, but always at profound personal cost, and in more than one novel he ends up realizing he’s been a sucker all along).

Here’s another example that snaps the dichotomy into ever sharper relief:

Samuel L. Jackson’s Shaft is a superhero.

Richard Roundtree’s Shaft is just a hero.

Roundtree’s Shaft is aware he can fail.

No “macho bullshit irony” as they say over at the Church of the Sub-Genius.

. . .

Superheroes don’t grow -- they decay.

They never truly use their power for good (because that would involve changing the world) nor do they adequately protect the innocent.

They serve no true function except to entertain and to be exploited.

Series novels and television shows can feature character growth, but the concept has to be baked in from the beginning (Jan Karon’s Mitford series and Armistead Maupin’s Tales Of The City books are two examples that spring immediately to mind).*

More typically, in series fiction the character/s show little actual growth; they are more or less the same at the end of their adventures as they were at the beginning, maybe a little greyer, maybe a little creakier, but essentially the same person.

Sometimes, particularly in military or nautical or police series, they may start out as a callow cadet but soon wise up to the stalwart hero we want to see.

As perfect an example of superhero decay can be found in the Die Hard movies.

The original’s superhero character, Detective John McClane, implausibly goes through a night of hell yet actually shows some character growth: By the end of the film he’s able to swallow his pride and admit to his wife he was wrong.

A very farfetched movie but an emotionally satisfying one. We’ll overlook a multitude of injuries that would have rendered him hors de combat in reality in exchange for the movie actually being about something.

All that gets chucked out in the first sequel, Die Hard 2, where the characters are thrown into a contrived situation to mirror the first film without the satisfying emotional growth but with far more ridiculous action; Die Hard With A Vengeance jettisons McClane’s marital relationship except as an afterthought and ups the absurdity of the story (indeed, it’s best viewed as an action comedy); Live Free Or Die Hard totally trashes all the character growth before it; and A Good Day To Die Hard not only trashed previous character growth but went so badly over the top that it and the star’s aging out hopefully are the one-two punch needed to end the series once and for all.

. . .

Look at non-superpowered / non-comic book superheroes and see how they fare.

D’Artagnan and the Three Musketeers are superheroes (conversely, Cyrano de Bergerac is not because the focus of his story is on who he is and not the what but the why of his actions; all the cool sword fighting is just bonus material).

Natty Bumpo is a superhero; anybody who can jump into a birchbark canoe from a tree branch 30 feet overhead without crashing through is a superhero because that character simple Can Not Lose.

For that matter, most 1950s TV cowboys and virtually all Italian Western protagonists are superheroes.

Tarzan is a superhero.

James Bond is a superhero (the SPECTRE / Blofeld arc in the novels and short stories actually do end up with him going through significant growth and personal change, ending with Smersh brainwashing him and sending him back to assassinate M…but then the British Secret Service intercepts him and a couple of paragraphs later he’s all better and off after The Man With The Golden Gun).

Modesty Blaise is a superhero.

Claire Starling is not a superhero, but Hannibal Lecter is (don’t give me that; even if you’re evil, when you’re the central character of a series of books / movies / TV shows you’re a damn superhero).

They’re all superheroes because they can’t lose and they can’t change their world and more importantly they can’t change themselves.

. . .

There is one exception to the above re superheroes, and that’s in the realm of sci- fi and fantasy stories.

Occasionally we find a character who becomes a king (viz Howard’s Kull) or a demi-god (viz Herbert’s Paul Atreides) and does alter their world for good or ill.

That, of course, is the ultimate power fantasy.

. . .

Fascism focuses on the Will and the Act.

It is a philosophy of movement.

It’s a philosophy that attracts the weak and the sadistic, because it promises protection from and power over others.

It’s a philosophy that actively seeks conflict, not necessarily overt violence, but the promise of same is always there.

. . .

A brief sidebar to the other side of the comic book spinner rack.

Funny animals are essentially anti-authoritarian.

From Aesop forward to Carl Barks, their characters, filled with all too human foibles, can and do fail.

And when they win?

Ah, then it’s almost never by force or action, but by cleverness.

Funny animals are tricksters, accurately sussing out a situation and maneuvering to gain the best outcome for themselves without obtaining dominance over their opponent.

Bre’r Rabbit and Bugs Bunny.

Ducks Donald, Daffy, and Howard.

Superhero stories seems obsessed with keeping everything orderly and in continuity.

Without continuity, anything goes, and that’s fatal to the superhero trope as it annihilates authority.

Funny animal stories rarely feature continuity and when they do, it’s rarely rigorous. If Porky Pig needs to be a businessman or a farmer or a studio executive or a traveling salesman, so be it.

He’ll be something else in the next story.

As tricksters, funny animals are bounded by one rule: They may save themselves and seek justice, but they will pay a penalty if they try to use trickery for selfish gain.

Howard the Duck -- “trapped alone and afraid / in a world he never made” -- is just trying to stay survive.

Daffy Duck -- greedy little miser that he is -- inevitably gets it in the neck when he tries to cheat someone.

Donald Duck -- floating somewhere between Howard and Daffy in his motivations -- finds no guarantee of success and reward, yet achieves success often enough to keep striving.

He may battle mummies or a reluctant coke machine, his stories may take him around the world on an adventure or no further than his kitchen to fix dinner.

It doesn’t matter.

Who he is makes his stories compelling far more than what he does.

He’s not on a power trip.

He doesn’t feel he has to win every time.

And as a result, he has a much richer life than Bruce Wayne or Tony Stark.

. . .

“So whaddya sayin’, Buzz? ‘Superheroes is bad’?”

No.

I deny no one their pleasure.

But I also think there are times when we have to demand not just more of creators but of ourselves as an audience with the media we consume.

I only saw the first two scenes of the first episode of The Boys.

That was all it took to convince me not to watch it anymore.

For similar reasons, I have no desire to watch Mad Men or Breaking Bad or Better Call Saul or Game Of Thrones.

I’ve picked up a strong enough vibe from each to know I’m not going to connect with them.

I’m certainly not saying you can’t enjoy them if you like.

Bu I am saying we’re cheating ourselves by not demanding more.

And until we start demanding more, the studios and streamers are only going to offer us less and less variety.

C’mon, people, we deserve more than that.

* I’m sparing you a whole long analysis of The Mary Tyler Moore Show because frankly it goes too far afield of this essay’s central thesis and besides I can use it for another blog post in the future.

#comics #superheroes #Gary Groth #Alan Moore #Abraham Riseman #The Boys TV series #Watchmen #writing

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blancasplayground · 7 years ago

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Best and Worst of AoS Season 5

Here is my season five postmortem, in the form of a roundup of what I loved and didn't love. It got really long, so I won't spend too much time on the intro. Let's just dive in. Obviously, major spoilers for the entirety of the season follow.

Best: The Future

For the first half of season five it felt like the team was stuck in a dystopian YA novel. In a good way. It was a bold move to completely change the look and feel of the show, but it worked from both a narrative and production standpoint. Not only did it make the best use of the reduced budget, since they could film primarily indoors on smaller-scale sets, but they didn't have to deal with the goings on in the MCU back home (that would come later -- and it's not on the "best" list). Creating a future from scratch requires tremendous imagination and planning, and they delivered a rich backdrop. I was sorry to leave behind the characters we met there, like Tess and Flint. Of course, they had to return to the present eventually, but they did a really good job of world-building for those episodes.

Worst: Contradicting Time Theories

The showrunners have said in interviews that there were a lot of heated discussions in the writer's room about time travel logic, and it shows. Back in the season-three episode "Spacetime" they gave us one answer (which happened to be one I really liked) -- time is an illusion. As Fitz explained, the past, present and future happen simultaneously. We just experience it in a linear way because we're limited to the third dimension. So it cannot be changed. But when they blew up the Earth for the season’s main storyline, they also blew up that theory, because they HAD to change the future now. They weren't going to allow the world to be cracked apart. It's not that kind of show. Plus, they’re still tied to the MCU, so they couldn't let that future play out. And yet, when they returned to the past they had characters still behaving as if it were fixed (the whole "invincible three" idea, which so many people disliked), but trying to change it anyway. Either the future is pre-determined or it isn't. Trying to have it both ways makes for sloppy and confusing stories. It also gives viewers a headache.

Best: Fitz's Journey

Fitz's absence was notable in the first few episodes, but to make up for it we got "Rewind," one of the best episodes of the season. We saw Fitz struggling with his dark side, only to have to embrace it in the future to save Jemma and Daisy in the most badass way (a total "baller move" as Daisy put it). The blend of pre- and post-Framework Fitz was exactly what they needed at the time. Unfortunately, it may have opened the door for The Doctor to take control in "The Devil Complex." He got a chance to marry the love of his life, but that happiness was short lived. His psychological break (which was an incredible reveal and riveting to watch from an acting standpoint) and what he did to Daisy split the team and the audience, sparking a lot of debate about the nature of good and evil both on screen and off. Which, I think, was exactly the point. Was he redeemable? Could he have learned to control his dark side? Could the team ever learn to accept this new version of Fitz and his morally questionable, yet undeniably effective, methods? We'll never know. Which brings me to . . .

Worst: Fitz's Death

(Jemma gif because I can’t watch that death scene anymore.)

(But this is almost as bad.)

We've been over this, and the wounds are still fresh, so I won't rehash what so many others have said more eloquently. I will point out that the issue is not with the death itself. They had to do it in order to bring back Cryo Fitz (or perhaps because they knew they could), who hasn't experienced the majority of season five. It's an intriguing idea, and should open up a lot of pathways for his story next season. Also, it gave Iain another chance to show off his crazy talent (like he needed more this season, but whatever, we're grateful). It's just the way they did it, and the fact that anyone thought this would be an acceptable sendoff for a fan-favorite character if it really was the last episode. The fake-out (which wasn't even a proper fake out because they REALLY DID have to bury Fitz) undercut what should have been a bigger moment -- Phil's departure and impending death as well. They botched it, plain and simple, and there's no taking that back.

Best: Philinda Endgame

They took their time getting there, but May and Coulson finally expressed their feelings for each other (at least, the human versions), each in their own signature way. May finally telling Phil she loved him just to shut him up was classic May. And that kiss behind the shield ought to go down as one of most iconic TV kisses in history. I sincerely hope they get lots of parasailing in, and, despite it being a lovely sendoff, that we'll see one or both of them back next season. Incidentally, I believe the fact that Robin drew the two of them on the beach in Tahiti before they changed the future means that they wound up together in the previous version of the loop too. Of course, Phil had to be gone to allow May to become Robin's mom, and now I'm giving myself a headache again. See what you've done, season five!

Worst: Team Infighting

This show is never better than when the characters work together as a team, whether it's on an action-packed mission or simply solving a problem on the ground. Which makes the decision to split everyone up along multiple fault lines later in the season a confusing and super frustrating move that wasn't at all fun to watch. Families fight, sure, but the divisions this year were deep, involving the loss of trust and respect, and the questioning of each other's core moral principles. These are not minor squabbles. I'm not sure what they were trying to accomplish by stepping up the tension and having them take sides against each other in the face of their greatest challenge yet, but I don't think it worked out the way they wanted it to. I would love to see everyone come back together and be a family again, as long as it's done realistically without sacrificing characterization.

Best: Graviton

With this season possibly being the last, the writers took the opportunity to pick up a thread they'd left dangling in episode three. Ever since the introduction of gravitonium way back when, fans have been wondering if the show would follow through and deliver the major comic-book villain Graviton. Considering this season could have been the show's swan song, it was a good time to deliver on that promise. And they did, in a way that was surprising yet somehow fitting. Glenn Talbot has been a thorn in Coulson's side since he showed at the end of season one, so to have him become the final Big Bad is a satisfying, if tragic, fate for the character. Especially since, in his twisted mind, he believed he was doing the right thing, right up until the end.

Worst: Ruby Red Herring

Sorry Dove Cameron fans, but the show let your girl down. Despite the potential in her first few episodes, Ruby never lived up to the compelling, cutthroat (or cut-arm, haha) villain they set her up to be (her hooded alter ego never even got a cool villain nickname). As it turned out, she was only there as a distraction, to confuse the characters and the audience about the real identity of the Destroyer of Worlds. And just as she was getting interesting -- the way she watched and mimicked Fitzsimmons alone told us more about her cold upbringing and the lack of human connection in a few moments than we got in all her episodes before that -- they killed her off to give the team something else to fight about.

Best: Nostalgic Callbacks and Fan Service

We got so many callbacks to previous seasons throughout season five. Maybe it's because the writers knew there was a chance this would be the last year, so they packed in as many references to the history of the show as they could. There was also the milestone 100th episode, which naturally lent itself to looking back. In addition to paying off older plot points (see above re: Graviton) they directly acknowledged their loyal viewers with that "small but active fan base" line. It was exciting seeing Mike again. And good to have Davis back too, with his mysterious survival story (that I hope they never reveal). Not to mention Hunter (which I will, down below). These were all gifts to long-time fans and we ate them up.

Worst: Infinity War Tie-In

If you're going to go there (and yeah, they had to, given the show's history), then fully commit to it, rather than using the cop out of ending the season just before the movie's biggest moment. Anyone who's seen it knows that the ending could potentially have a major impact on the show. So embrace that (imagine Phil handing Mack the keys to Lola, only to watch them fall to the ground). Or they could have used the multiverse to disconnect from the MCU once and for all. There were already so many questions going into the finale, whether they would or wouldn't go through with the snap was one debate I could have lived without. And it's still up in the air as to whether it will be a factor next season. Given that the airdate is after the next movie comes out, I'm inclined to think not, but I kind of wish we didn't even have to worry about it.

Bonus Bests:

The Return of Lance Hunter

Every single moment he was in was pure gold. I really hope we haven't seen the last of him.

Fitzsimmons Wedding

I mean, obviously. So beautiful and emotional. A shining moment of light to balance the darkness of the rest of the season..

Deke

I love Deke. End of story. He is still around and he will be back. See my explanation post here. I have no official confirmation of this, I'm just thinking positively.

One final note: These gifs were pulled from all over. I’m still rather new to Tumblr, so if you see something that’s yours and would like credit, let me know (and also if you could let me know how to do it that would be great).

#agents of shield #agents of shield s5 #aos #fitzsimmons #philinda #phil coulson #daisy johnson #leo fitz #jemma simmons #alphonso mackenzie #yoyo rodriguez #deke shaw

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legit-writing-tips · 7 years ago

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Legit Worldbuilding Tip #3

or - “Crafting Religions for Fictional Worlds”

Whether you’re religious or not, there’s no denying the cultural, political, and social impact that religion has had on the world around us.

So when crafting a brand new world, whether it’s high fantasy, science fiction, science fantasy, etc., religion can play a big part of the world that you’re building. And because of its relative importance, there are a lot of things to think about re: crafted religions.

Religions Shape Morals and Virtues

Morals are a strange thing. People aren’t born with an innate knowledge of what to do in life, or how to act. It only makes sense, then, that people would turn to religion as a guide for how they should behave. That’s easy enough to see with the world we live in.

The Golden Rule. Nearly everybody learns this one growing up. For Christians, it comes in the form of a Biblical quote - “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” But the concept isn’t unique to Christianity. Nearly every religion has this same rule, in some form or another.

But when you get further into the details of differing religions, you see that each has its own set of morals and what it feels is “right.” This can range from Evangelicals who feel that same-sex love is a sin because of an archaic passage from the old testament to vegetarianism as a way to avoid hurting other living creatures, commonly found among Hindus.

So What Does This Mean?

Well, this means that when you’re crafting a religion, one of the things to think about is what morals you want in your world.

Don’t want a world with a bunch of homophobic assholes? I’ve got good news for you! A same-sex couple amongst your pantheon of Gods and you can have a world where people don’t just accept same-sex love, but celebrate it!

But that’s not the only thing to think about. Different taboos are often religion-centric as well.

These taboos can have minor consequences on your world-building in some ways. For example, maybe you just want to make things more interesting by adding details such as characters who avoid certain kinds of metals or stones because they’re strictly forbidden in their religious texts.

These taboos can also have major consequences on your story. For example, even in the modern day and age there are a lot of prejudices against albinism in some African countries. You can imagine the consequences for such a character.

Religions Shape Cultural Practices and Thoughts

In the West, pretty much everybody celebrates the holidays, even if they aren’t Christian. They may adapt their practices depending on their beliefs, but regardless, if you live in a country like America you’ll experience a lot of religious influence around the holiday season. Christmas, a day that celebrates the birth of a religious figure, has a tremendous cultural impact even on those that aren’t Christian.

When crafting a religion, it only makes sense to think about the cultural impact said religion will have. Holidays, prayer, rituals, religious pilgrimages, the way that people keep track of time (as in our AD system), taboos (as already mentioned), fasting, celibacy, religious bathing/cleansing...

These are just a few practices that exist within different religions. Many are so ingrained in our culture that people don’t even think of them as “religious” any more.

For example, the practice of abstaining from sex before marriage. This single religious belief has created a culture that is very prohibitive regarding sexuality. A lot of people still think that fewer sex partners = a better person, even those who aren’t adherents of any religious philosophy. It’s just something that’s ingrained in our culture.

All this to say - the best starting point for creating a religion in a fictional world is knowing what kind of world you want to write.

With all that out of the way, let’s get on to the actual creation process. There are a few things to think about, but I want to start with something I feel is very important.

There are a lot of religions out there. I suggest you research them and learn about them.

But please don’t just take an existing religion, especially one from another culture, slap a new name on it, give it an air of mysticism, and then be done with it. It’s disrespectful to those who actually practice these religions.

*Ahem* Okay, I’ve said my piece and now I’ll move on.

Remember - Multiple Religions Can and Usually Do Exist in a Culture

This is the first and most important thing I want to point out. Most of the stories I’ve seen where creators do religion right is when they remember that not everybody practices the same religion.

George R. R. Martin does this incredibly well with the different religions in ASOIAF. They are all different, they are all unique, they are very much shaped by the part of the world that those characters live in.

Also remember that the same religion can have many different interpretations, leading to different branches and sects. They can be quite different and they may not get along that well. This is another thing that is often forgotten.

Different Types of Religions

Throughout history there have been many different types of religions. Some have a single god. Some have an entire pantheon. Some see gods as people. Some see gods as animals. Some gods are both people and animals, depending on the story that’s being told. Some religions see gods as having no form. Some religions teach that god is the universe. Some say that there are no gods, but there is power in everything.

Let’s Talk Prophets and Stuff

Another thing to remember is that religions are often centered on a prophet, or a person’s teachings. While a god or pantheon of gods may be central to that religion, the prophet/guru/etc. is also very important. Jesus, Muhammed, the Buddha... just a few real world examples.

This is where I take the time to point out something important. Your religion doesn’t have to have a male prophet/teacher. A prophet can be a woman. Or nonbinary. There can be six prophets who worked together, all of different gender identities. In fact, this can be a really good way to get rid of gross stuff like sexism in your world’s culture, or just plain avoid stereotypical high fantasy with Manly Men and Damsels in Distress.

Leave Some Stuff Unexplained

Another thing I want to point out is that religions don’t usually have explanations for everything. I mean, the whole point of religion is faith most of the time.

I was talking with @more-legit-gr8er-writing-tips earlier about this. Because I still get mad about the midichlorian thing in Star Wars. The Force was an awesome (if a little underdeveloped) religion. It was focused on the power that exists in all things rather than the idea of a god. Certain people could access the Force. All was good. Then they made the Force the result of little critters that live inside people.

No. No no no. Okay, I’ll stop. Just suffice it to say, whatever genre you’re writing in, don’t feel the need to explain everything. Even if magic exists, even if there’s science, just embrace the mystery and the wonder of the religion you’ve created.

Religious Institutions

I’ll keep this one short. But just remember that where there’s religion, there’s inevitably going to be some sort of religious institution. It may be that in your world every town has its own religious leader and group of scholars. Or you could have a vast system of temples. Or you could have the fantasy equivalent of the Catholic Church.

(Remember also - the bigger a religious institution is, and the more influence it has on the people, the more likely it is going to be a power in its own right in your world - a.k.a. the Catholic Church basically being a governing power in our own history.)

Religion in Science Fiction

Apart from some science fantasy, I’m hard pressed to find many science fiction stories that include religion. I think there’s a general assumption that people will move away from religion, especially as we learn more about the world we live in.

But... people are people. And I’m 100% sure that there will always be some people who believe in something. Your dystopian government may not like it, but somebody somewhere will discover the last unburned copy of the Torah and a brand new religion with elements of Judaism will spring up around it.

And that starship flying through space in the year 3277? Probably going to have Buddhists, Hindus, Christians, Muslims, and who knows what else on board. Though they may not practice religion the same way we do now. And who the crap knows what the aliens are going to believe in.

Common Themes in Religion

One of the final things I have to say is that, for as many differences there are in religions, there are a lot of commonalities. Things like prophets, and trickster gods, and miraculous births (such as children being found in rivers or born to virgins). I suggest you do some research on the commonalities in religions and use them if you need a bit of inspiration for crafting your own.

Anyway, I’ve rambled long enough. I just want you to consider some of these things. This is just one way to build a little more complexity into a world you’ve created, and it can do a lot for everything from plot to making the reader really believe that your world exists. So have at it! Enjoy playing god(s).

#writing #writing tips #world building #worldbuilding #religion

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bluethepaladin · 7 years ago

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What do you have against Bex? (Can u also provide evidence thanks 💜)

When I first got this ask, I was tempted to play it off as a joke and say “the fact she exists,” and leave it at that. But I feel like it’s important to stay informed. And if you genuinely don’t know, I’ll give you the complete rundown. It’s long, it’s messy, and it’s nasty, so bear with me.

First, and introduction. When I talk about Bex, I’m referring to the actress Bex Taylor-Klaus, who is the voice actor (or VA) of the character Pidge in the show Voltron Legendary Defender on Netflix.

It all began a while ago when Bex liked a comment of a picture. The picture involved a ship called Shei//th. I censored the name so it doesn’t show up in the tags of that on tumblr. But essentially it’s a ship between two characters, Takashi Shirogane, a 25 year old pilot who is the leader of the team, and Keith Kogane, one of the other “paladins” or fighters on the team. People like me find this ship to be distasteful, since Shiro is an adult, and the others are teens (it’s actually a bit messier than that, since an official Voltron source listed Keith as 18, but the producers of the show, Lauren Montgomery and Joaquim Dos Santos, said they were not consulted on the book so there’s some question as to whether it’s canon or not). Either way, the consensus by most reasonable people is that it’s probably not a healthy thing to depict in children’s media, when you consider the considerable age difference, the power imbalance (leader, senior officer with someone they are in charge of), and finally, the iconic line by the character of Keith himself when he defines their relationship as a familial one.

Nonetheless, the ship persists, as nasty things on tumblr are wont to do. There’s a lot of shipping discourse on tumblr between two distinct groups which can be labelled as “antis”–people who are not in favor of any Shiro/paladin ships, or what has become to be known as “shaladins”–people who ship any variation of Shiro with the paladins.

Here is where Bex got involved. On Instagram there was a picture of a black shoe and a red shoe together and the joke was about the shoes being a prophecy that Shei//th would be canon. A joke, mostly, considering all the evidence above. But here’s where Bex got herself in trouble. She liked a comment on the picture where someone said “Keith is a power bottom confirmed.”

Obviously, this caused a bit of an uproar within the fanbase, especially between the discourse between antis and shaladins. Shaladins were celebrating that an Official Voltron Source liked their ship, and antis were angry about that acknowledgement of the ship at all by official sources, and the sexualization of a kid’s show (more on this later.)

So of course this sparked the discourse on tumblr. One user, @lancehunks, who was receiving asks about Bex, tagged her in the replies.They were definitely unfavorable.

and

and a few more.

Bex, being the big strong, adult, woman she is, decided that she could not take this obviously grievous insult to her name [sarcasm], and decided to reblog them all and respond to them. Keep in mind, that @lancehunks was just 13 years old. And Bex (22) decided that these were appropriate responses:

Yep, you read that right. Not only an adult but employed on a kid’s show! To a 13 year old! The target audience of the very show she’s a part of! (Oh, the hypocrisy). But wait, there’s more:

Just in case you’re confused, let me tell you the many, many reasons why this is unacceptable.

Bex is an adult. You’d think she’d be a little more mature by now just in general. It’s the internet and there are trolls.

The person she was addressing was 13!!!! Do I think it was mature to tag Bex in all those posts? No. But it’s… behavior that you can expect from 13 year old’s on the internet. If we swore at and tore down every single one of them every time they did something dumb, we would need a lot more therapists for teens in the world. Plus it’s really disingenuous to pretend that we wouldn’t have done something similar when we were younger if we were in that position.

Bex is famous. While she’s certainly not on the caliber of massive A-List stars like Tom Holland or Zendaya, she has a fanbase that exceeds the normal person’s friend group. Just because she’s been on TV before, she has groupies that will support her no matter what, who will troll for her, who uncritically and unconditionally worship her. I’m not a Bex fan, nor do I really care to know her well enough to know just exactly how many fans she has, to be certain she does have them. When she publicly reblogged those words, that “motherfucker,” those fighting words, she weaponized her fanbase. What I mean when I say that is her behavior gave her groupies permission to behave the same way. By targeting someone who didn’t like her (a thirteen year old!!!!!), she opened the gates to her fans and groupies doing the same thing, to a kid.

This lead to some terrible things happening. The 13 year old was getting death threats, sexual violence threats, and nsfw content, all because Bex just couldn’t let it go.

What does this mean? Finish it? Finish the kid? If you’re so sick of the fighting, then why did you even respond in the first place? Bex is the one who escalated the situation. Bex is the one who caused the fighting in the first place (by that I mean the fighting between the two that night, the fighting between antis and shaladins has been going on for as long as the show).

There we go. Now he have something resembling dignity. But unfortunately the damage was done, and user @lancehunks deleted their blog. As a direct response to Bex’s actions. Bex caused a 13 year old to leave tumblr.

When hearing this news, Bex offered a half-assed apology:

This is the most insincere apology I have ever seen. “The internet has Bad things on it and it’s YOUR fault for seeing them” is not an apology. The best part is that she’s a big fat hypocrite. “Sometimes, when it’s harmless, the best thing I can do is shake my head and keep scrolling.” So why didn’t you Bex? Why didn’t you keep scrolling instead of targeting a 13 year old?

In light of recent political events, though there’s one thing that stands out to me:

Sound like anybody you know? The esteemed President, perhaps?

*disclaimer* I am in no way claiming that Bex is a Trump supporter. I don’t know enough about her–and I don’t want to know enough about her–to know where she leans politically. I’m just drawing the attention to the similarities in moral equivalency going on, here.*

Sure you targeted a 13 year old and weaponized your fanbase, but someone tagging you in a snarky post is just as bad, right? (Wrong.)

You’d think that would be the end. You’d think that Bex would be capable of living and learning, or maybe even just taking her own advice, and keep scrolling. But here we go again.

The next bit of drama started when the possibly canon guide book was released, stating Keith’s age as 18. There was a big celebration on the shaladin side because technically, that would make it “legal” for Keith and Shiro to have sex. Besides the fact that legal ≠ moral, again, Voltron is a kid’s show. But on tumblr this time, Bex posted this.

This time, the discourse surrounding Bex was a little different., This time, the discourse mostly focused on the fact that even if Shiro and Keith disregarded canon and morals and the fact that it’s a kid’s show ever did get in a relationship, the only thing that matters is how they like to have sex.

This is a problem for a lot of reasons. There’s a culture, pretty prominent on tumblr of women, mostly white, who are obsessed with gay sex. They write fanfiction and p*rn solely for their own personal gratification. This, of course, is a gross misinterpretation to wanting LGBT+ representation. If you aren’t a mlm (an acronym for men-loving-man, that includes many sexualities) then writing p*rn about is sexualizing them, using them as a tool to get yourself off, and not like complex human people. Mlm are more than how they like to have sex. In fact, that shouldn’t be a part of a discussion for anybody except between willing partners. This also feeds into the popular and damaging stereotype that gay men are predatory by nature.

So, as a whole, not good.

And again, we have a whole situation escalated by Bex. The worst part is, to people who tried to explain this to her, the only response they were given was a gif:

So once again, a minor dared to express their distaste for Bex on tumblr. But this time, they didn’t tag her. This time, they censored her name. But Bex found it anyway. And she decided to do the exact same thing that led to a minor leaving the website, and to stop watching the show.

Have no fear, this time though. This time, Bex is going after a 14 year old, at least she’s not going after kids anymore, right? [sarcasm]

Some final notes.

Bex claims to be an LGBT+ rights activist. I’m also pretty sure she’s a lesbian herself (again, I already know too much about her, I’m not looking to get to know her better.) So, you’d think, as someone who wants equality for LGBT+ people and communities, she’d have the wherewithal to listen to specific subsets of that group when they say something about themselves, like, for example, young mlm who don’t appreciate being sexualized by a white woman. So I couldn’t help but laugh out loud when I saw this on her blog:

Now, I happen to agree with the above statement, but it’s so ironic, so hypocritical that Bex is talking about the sexualization of anything. Because kid’s shows aren’t safe from her sexualization and mlm certainly aren’t. How can one person be so incredibly oblivious? A mystery that I don’t have any interest in solving.

I also want to address something a little more devious and a little more dark. I personally know of at least 12 different people who sent Bex asks, politely explaining some of the things I’ve talked about here, or relaying how her words hurt them personally. Bex never answered any of them. But she did answer this:

Just to be perfectly clear, I do not condone or encourage hatemail. Do not send people anything wishing them death or harm in any way. I have never sent nor do plan on sending hatemail, and you should be ashamed of yourself if you do.

However, this is incredibly nefarious. Bex doesn’t answer any of the many asks she got that were polite, but proved her wrong. She didn’t answer any of the young mlm who gave her their personal stories and who weren’t anonymous. Instead, she publishes this. And she did this on purpose, to make her look innocent, to make her look like she’s the one being attacked. I get hatemail every single day too. Things along similar lines to this. I block the user. Delete them, One, because I don’t want to expose my followers to that kind of negativity on a daily basis, two, a mature person knows that deleting them is the best kind of revenge because the user will be constantly looking for a response and they will know they had no effect on me and three, because if you do that, eventually they stop. This is intentional on Bex’s part to make the people who don’t like her look bad. I don’t like Bex at all, and I certainly do not support that message. Any reasonable person wouldn’t. Also the fact that it’s an anonymous message adds a certain air of doubt as to who sent it.

The point is, Bex is purposely ignoring polite and well-meaning people and posted this to “prove” she’s the one on the “good” side because no good person would send that message.

This is also worth noting:

This was posted after the lancehunks debate but before the power bottom comment she made. In this post, Bex admits that a relationship between Shiro and any of the paladins is predatory in nature. She said that. Her words. And then after that she said that Keith was a power bottom.

The last thing I want to say, is that Voltron is a kid’s show. It’s rated US-TV-Y7. Which means for years 7 and older. Regardless of the ship, there should be no sexual content, be it fanart, of fanfiction of Voltron characters at all. We are all collectively responsible for keeping content age-appropriate for the target audience. So, stop it. All and any ships.

For minors, this is my advice to you:Bex is a predator, a hypocrite, and a liar. Do not engage with her. Block her. Do not tag her in any of your posts. She has a history of targeting minors. Protect yourself. Do not engage.

#Unlike Bex I take my own advice and I have blocked her so she can't target me #but you never know with these ones #she can find a way #bex taylor klaus #anti bex #anti bex taylor klaus #voltron legendary defender #long post #anti shaladin #bexcourse

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attacksoftheclones · 7 years ago

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THE LAST JEDI REVIEW

SPOILERS ahead, you have been warned. Also #long post.

I had so much faith in this film. I had so much faith in Rian. With overwhelmingly positive reviews from critics, I know my opinion on this film lies within the minority – but here it is anyway.

To get my thoughts on The Force Awakens out of the way, my problems and gripes with the film were the same of that of many others. To sum it up, yes I agree that it was a retread of A New Hope and I thought it fell short greatly in terms of world building. When you have a galaxy from a long time ago in a place far, far away, the possibilities are endless – I didn’t want to see a Tatooine 2.0 or a third Death Star renamed as Starkiller Base. I also felt that the lack of explanations given paired with the abundance of questions it produced tarnished much of it. What additionally disappointed me about Episode VII again much like many other people, was additionally how much more childish it felt compared to other Star Wars films, an obvious attribution to Disney’s reign on the franchise following the six installments of Lucas’ story. There were things I liked, though. I thought Finn was an interesting character and really enjoyed the idea of having a stormtrooper that defected to the Resistance and I anticipated exploring the mentality involved in both making that decision and how such a decision would have consequences in The Last Jedi. I of course enjoyed having a female heroine and finished the film aching for answers on her past just as everyone else had. Of course, what I was most desperately excited for following The Force Awakens was the return of Luke Skywalker.

Whilst I have been vocal (on twitter) about the issues I did have with the film, my excitement for The Last Jedi was in no way diminished. I do not dislike the sequel trilogy for the sake of a preconceived agenda, I would say I was very open to this film. The trailer already established a clearly beautifully shot and notably darker take on the trilogy, something I have come to prefer as a prequel fan as I like the complexity that comes along with it. My excitement was further enhanced because The Last Jedi was the first Star Wars film I was going to see in a cinema and I was keen to feel the excitement of a midnight premiere. I knew experiencing the opening credits for the very first time simultaneously with everyone else, booming with John Williams’ iconic score would be thrilling to say the least. And it was.

The opening was strong, Poe and BB-8 were as endearing as ever. Surpassing his mandate from General Leia and at the risk of increasing the already dangerously high casualty rate of the Resistance, we are introduced to an “at all costs” Poe in this film that largely sets up his arc for what is to follow – which turns out to not actually be much, much like the rest of this film. I never disliked Poe Dameron in any way following The Force Awakens but I knew this film had to really “ignite a fire” in the character for me to become attached to him solely because the previous film produced very little Poe content to go off of. We know he is a fantastic pilot and anything further than a more hot-headed attitude really isn’t established for Poe in this film. Poe spends his time battling his superiors Leia as well as the newly appointed Admiral Holdo, suffering the disappointment of being demoted for the recklessness that we see from him in the opening scene that costs the Resistance more than they can bear. Poe’s arc ventures little from arguing and to be fair wouldn’t have been as dissatisfying if it weren’t so ridiculously dragged out by director Rian Johnson as the only arc for the Resistance, other than suffering from a low supply of fuel. Yes, it was good to see a more of the reality of war in the Star Wars universe which hasn’t really been explored since the animated series Star Wars: The Clone Wars (although being aired on Cartoon Network of course did limit this in areas). We watch the spirit of the Resistance suffer and dwindle, but this unfortunately is carried out through an ultimately pointless and boring side arc of being low of fuel and being tracked by the First Order that left me sighing every time a scene transitioned back into one at the Rebel base. Whilst part of this of course is also due to the anticipation of desperately wanting answers to Rey and Luke’s futures on Ahch-To, the overall story for the Resistance is a back and forth, cat and mouse quest where nothing is ultimately achieved by the end of the film.

Which brings me to: Finn and Rose.

Finn, or should I say the writing of this character, disappointed me in this film and I left incredibly frustrated. From the trailers and TV spots I expected to see Finn and new character Rose (who I was enormously excited to see for both diversity reasons as well as her portrayal by the amazing Kelly Marie Tran) infiltrating the First Order undercover where we would ultimately see Finn finally rid himself of the burden of his unfinished business with the Order, particularly with Captain Phasma. I hoped to see Finn tackle the trauma of returning to the place that birthed him into a life of indoctrination and anticipated a showdown between himself and Phasma who was ultimately representative of his suffering. Instead, Finn (after disappointingly initially attempting to escape the Resistance) along with unknown Resistance mechanic Rose are sent secretly by Poe to put an end to the tracking of the Resistance fleet by the First Order. This arc was convoluted and even positive reviews will tell you that their adventure is unnecessary and unexciting. Providing little to absolutely nothing for the ending of the film, Finn and Rose’s adventure felt like a trip right out of Star Wars especially on Canto Bight, where every alien species in sight was blanketed in brown and absent of the diversity and colour we were introduced to in the prequels. The character shrouded in secrecy by Lucasfilm up until the release of this film, DJ (portayed by Benicio del Toro) whom Finn and Rose meet along the way (much to their later dismay) was additionally not at all worth the mystery that surrounded him and delivered nothing but a petite punch to what little direction this film had. When the time came for them to go undercover as First Order officers, the battle I so looked forward to seeing between Finn and Phasma was short and as a consequence anticlimactic. If that were not disappointing enough, by the film’s end pairing Finn and Rose together romantically with little foundation for this plot point felt cheap and took away from the heroic moments they did have throughout the film. Whilst I don’t personally believe any romance is necessary between Rey and Finn at all or for any character for that matter,The Force Awakens did poke at the possibility and this was only furthered by Finn’s constant mentioning of Rey throughout The Last Jedi. This caused any romantic direction for Rose and Finn to additionally seem one sided on Rose’s part.

Luke. I struggle to decide where to begin in writing about one of my all time favourite Star Wars characters in this film, mostly because I am genuinely insulted at how the character whose heart and spirit was the savior of the original trilogy was treated. Despite Mark Hamill making it publicly known that he initially completely disagreed with the direction Johnson wanted to take Luke in in this trilogy, I did not fear a change for Luke Skywalker. I was excited to see what could torture Luke’s soul so much that he would isolate himself from everything and everyone he has ever known and place himself alone on an island with the sole purpose to die there (as he makes clear in the film), wishing for the Jedi to come to an eternal end. I expected something, being either an action from Rey or a reminder of his old self, to eventually charge him back into action, allowing us to see a changed Luke Skywalker but one who still held all the heart-warming elements of his personality we have come to love. I know this would have been a predictable route and that we were told to expect the unexpected, but I will not shift from the belief that this is what would have been most true to Luke’s character.

Luke acknowledges early on that leaving the island as a one-man force against the First Order will do little to change the drastic state of the fight and I agreed with this. I agreed with his feelings of failure and disappointment after having his nephew destroy his new Jedi order and the unquestionable devotion he put into it. After all, this was a character we know has always followed his heart and to have that backfire would undoubtedly shake him and his core values. What I did not agree with was the extremely snarky attitude of the character, one that would leave Rey hopelessly chasing after him in circles around the island. One that would leave her to sleep without comfort and shelter, one that would refuse to train her despite two small lessons he agreed to give her in some cold-hearted attempts, in which once realising that she had great potential leads him to abandon her in her fear. Luke never returns to the fight with Rey in the Millennium Falcon, although we do at least get to see him momentarily revisit it. He doesn’t oversee the training of a new apprentice. Luke remains on the island and in an utterly bizarre end, he projects himself apparently so powerfully through the force into battle with Kylo Ren whilst actually still in meditation on Ahch-To and somehow gains a cocky and uncomfortably amusing persona (he slow motion dodges Kylo’s hits and winks awkwardly enough to almost break the fourth wall) as a now all powerful Jedi master. This effort presents him as seemingly immortal until it is over and we see Luke disappear into his cloak in front of a sunset much like Obi-Wan’s death in A New Hope. However much like the final confrontation with Kylo Ren it is confusing, unclear and most of all dissatisfying as it doesn’t even feel real, especially as we have never seen the force used in this way before and much like Leia’s use of the force in this film it is quite jarring. I’m already preparing for the “Is Luke Skywalker really dead?” theories, although I do believe with the film’s ending that the answer is yes. It is clear that this trilogy wants to be free of the burden of appealing to original fans of the franchise in ridding itself of Lucas’ founding characters to entirely become its own – which whatever that is, is also totally ambiguous in this film’s cluttered and shambolic end. The destruction of the Skywalker lightsaber was infuriating to say the least, not only as a metaphor for Disney’s cleansing of anything remotely Lucas in this franchise but as an insult to the franchise’s most iconic characters – Anakin and Luke. I felt as if I were witnessing a punch in the gut to Luke saying “I am a Jedi, like my father before me”. The way this trilogy began already majorly undermined the victories of Return of the Jedi, but this film went even beyond that as if it were to render it meaningless especially with the characterisation of Luke. I unapologetically hate everything Disney has done with Luke Skywalker especially as I truly believe that in his heart he is truly the child of his mother, Padmé and this film unlike the original trilogy following the prequels was in no way reflective of that. And I’m not even going to give time to that bizarre green milk and fish scene.

In no way do I mean disrespect to the amazing Carrie Fisher when I express criticism of Leia in this film and what she was given to do. Of course as always it is amazing to see Leia doing what she does best – where she is in a position of power as General Organa and fighting ever so bravely for the Resistance. As mentioned before, I was incredibly disappointed with the Resistance arc considering the Star Wars universe provides endless possibilities for arcs that exceed dwindling fuel supply. Yes, I understand that this was supposed to be more of a ‘war film’ than previous episodes and thus resources and lack of them are a reality of that, but considering this has never been an evident problem particularly during Star Wars: The Clone Wars and additionally how exaggerated this difficulty was by the duration of the arc it took me out of the film. When Rian Johnson and others had stated that Leia’s ending had been left untouched and that she leaves this film with a definitive and dignified end, I expected something big from Leia. Instead we largely see Leia pondering in this film and reprimanding Poe. No I did not want Leia killed, but considering she spent the majority of this film in a coma I feel an actual end to her story here would have been more effective. I hated that she was sidelined by a coma as if any other storyline other than her being unconscious wouldn’t have been better for her. She’s the Leia and she deserved to be able to leave a lasting punch in The Last Jedi. I was so excited to see Leia use the force, but what we saw was the moment that took me out of the film the most. It was quite frankly cringe worthy and uncomfortable to watch and I’m sure many who did enjoy the film would still agree. I felt as if I were Han Solo, desperate to shout “that’s not how the force works!”. I feel that with the knowledge of Carrie’s passing, with some clever editing they could have easily given Holdo’s final act for the Resistance to Leia. It would have truly showcased Leia as the ultimate Resistance fighter. Instead, I fear a poorly executed off screen death.

The Last Jedi has long endured the speculation of force ghosts ever since its’ predecessor, particularly with the release of concept art for the return of Anakin’s force ghost. An appearance of Obi-Wan was practically expected by many including by myself, especially as his voice was heard in The Force Awakens and it would have been fitting to see his reintroduction with the recent news of the Kenobi standalone film. It would have been the perfect way to tie all three trilogies together for continuity purposes, which I already felt this trilogy was in need of. Despite my pro-prequel agenda which I will admit to without shame, I believe this was completely necessary for this film. To have the return of Anakin particularly would have served so many uses whether he spoke to Luke, Rey or Kylo Ren. In an era that lives in the shadow of Darth Vader (who has several mentions in this film), if anyone’s input was needed it was the man behind the mask’s. Instead, original trilogy nostalgia was again used to drive the audience with the return of the clumsily edited addition of force ghost Yoda. If you know me personally you would be aware that I am not a fan of the character at all, but with that aside the Yoda we did see I still believe to be out of character. I do not believe that Yoda would have encouraged the complete removal (well literal burning) of the Jedi teachings even after the rise and fall of the Empire. Modifications and large ones at that yes, but a complete disregard for them I do not feel he would be an advocate for. I fear such a lack of rules regarding force users now will pose more problems for future films more than anything else as it now seems unclear who gets to hold a lightsaber and who does not.

Rey and her parentage continued to be built up throughout this film and I won’t lie and say it wasn’t my number one question going into this film. I did expect her to be no one, but I also expected some sort of alternative (and original) reason for her strength with the force. Whilst I don’t expect every strong force user in the galaxy to be a Skywalker or a descendant of someone related to or in affiliation with one, Rey as the daughter of some unknown junk dealers will not leave this movie free of Mary Sue claims (although I don’t intend to promote those claims either). If she had the force and had undergone training both in the previous film and in this film she would be free to express such strength but without it, Rey feels poorly written and left me not caring for her as much as I had truly hoped to in this film. The lightsaber plot point was also completely thrown out of the window with it now not so seemingly belonging to Rey anymore. Rey was barely trained in this film, so nothing should have changed since just weeks earlier in film time. If we are being told to accept that she is so powerful on her own, why is her power continuously linked to Kylo Ren’s by Johnson in this film? Rey also felt extremely poorly written by Johnson due to a very clear lack of continuity with the character between this film and the last, especially considering that The Last Jedi picked up just moments from The Force Awakens and Rey should not have suffered any discrepancies in character at all. Of course she was not going to be as bubbly and excitable as she had been in the previous film, but so much about Rey was wrong in this film. The Rey who had no problem telling men to stop taking her hand and that she would not give them anything became a Rey that suffered forced and utterly unnecessary sexual tension and who became flustered at the sight of a shirtless man. It is completely out of character for Rey to have even considered trusting Kylo Ren, as if he had not just killed someone she saw as a father figure just weeks before when all she has ever wanted was family. Rey cries at Kylo Ren proving yet again even after a brief team up with her that all he wants is power, again as if she should not already hate this man with every fibre of her being. Even Rey’s identity quest is yielded to Kylo Ren as it is he who reveals her parentage to her. Rey is never left to stand on her own in this film, instead she is forced into a somewhat parallel arc with Ren that never allows her the same independence as she exemplified in the dynamics we see within her friendship with Finn. Rey desperately needs to be written into some sort of solidarity where she can finally have her own concrete idea of herself and I believe this would most effectively occur in a situation where this trilogy’s big three finally unite and share the same path (and in doing so additionally allowing for a more concise end to the frayed path The Last Jedi has created).

Lastly, Snoke. His early scenes with Kylo Ren genuinely had me thinking that the character was far more terrifying than I had initially ever expected. I knew that the intention was for him to be more evil than Emperor Palpatine/Darth Sidious and I began to prepare myself for this. However, the first issue I found with the Supreme Leader was that we still are never offered a backstory or context for the character. We know Snoke is old and lived to see the rise and end of Darth Vader. So where was he during that time? How did he come to power? Why does he not know that it was Vader who defeated the Emperor and brought down the Empire, returning to the light as Anakin Skywalker? Rey is apparently made eventually aware of this, but neither Kylo Ren nor Snoke seem to be aware despite having far more of an interest in the man that the galaxy feared the most. The other great conflict I had with this character was that for someone apparently so powerful, he was killed so easily. For him to not have the ability to sense a lightsaber being turned against him by his own apprentice was the thing I was most surprised got through the writing room, especially considering the reason Vader was never able to overthrow the Emperor all those years was because Palpatine would have sensed such a betrayal through the force. Someone supposedly more powerful than Palpatine not being able to do the same was unrealistic and disappointing particularly because I enjoyed Snoke and Kylo’s scenes in the first act of the film, as well as the first act of the film in general.

Overall the film felt crammed, messy and long. Much of the film could have been shown the light of the editing room again to tighten the many series of events occurring simultaneously. Whilst beautifully shot with some breathtaking cinematography and stunning visuals, some shots felt included for the sake of showing what magic could be worked with the camera and CGI in 2017. This film suffered from the weight of a tiresome back-and-forth battle with an inconclusive end that didn’t seem to forge any path for its sequel and where neither side of the fight ever actually ever feeling large enough to dominate the galaxy in the way that the Empire did. The film was crowded with characters but barren of any development for them, in some cases true character not seemingly present at all. This film suffered from the consequences of mystery box storytelling, where no reward is gained by the audience because the “mysteries” that have been hyped up detract from all else. “I am your father” is arguably the greatest cinematic reveal of all time, but it was not advertised to be that way prior to the film’s release, allowing it to have its’ full intended shock value effect. A movie sold to audiences as one that holds great reveals and twists in an already established and ever-expanding universe was bound to disappoint, especially with fan culture today. Additionally, the humour of this film was often jarring and too “2017” for the Star Wars saga. Not already being a fan of Kylo Ren as a villain in any way, I would surprisingly have to say Adam Driver gave the best performance. However it is hard to say where Kylo Ren goes next, having now eliminated both his enemies (Han and Luke) as well as his accountability to the Supreme Leader. I additionally found the soundtrack for this film to be the least memorable Star Wars score to date, although Rey’s Theme made a welcome return.

Ultimately I know many people have loved and will love this film and I think everyone has “their” Star Wars. Mine is clearly not in this era and I’m happy to accept that. It isn’t because my ‘ship’ or theory did not come true, but rather my worst case scenarios did. Yes I’ll see Episode IX, but I now have a completely new idea and set of expectations for what Star Wars is today and it just doesn’t happen to be my favourite. Again, I never wanted to hate this trilogy for the sake of it and I had no intention to. I am of course also ready to accept that there are those with opinions that are the complete opposite of mine.

Now if you need me, I’ll be rewatching Episodes I-VI.

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deadcactuswalking · 4 years ago

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The Top 10 Best Hit Songs of 2020

Screw your introductions. It’s 2020, we haven’t got time for a pre-amble. This is the best list.

THE TOP 10 BEST HIT SONGS OF 2020

For 2018 and 2017, I did four massive lists with at least 10 songs each discussed in depth for the end of the year. I’m proud of them and I stick by them but they’re tedious to write and read. You really need some kind of visual medium for them to work that well, at least in my style of year-end lists. Thankfully, there are hundreds of people doing just that so instead, I’m just going to take 10 songs I remember from the predicted year-end list and ramble about them in hopefully a more precise way. Let’s start with... oh, for f—

#10

“I Hope” – Gabby Barrett

Peak: #3

I don’t like country music, or really get country music. I’m British, I’m not supposed to, but as I do watch charts I see country music gaining increased prominence on the charts, in an era of streaming I didn’t think it could really cope with. I’m using SailorCharts’ predictions for the Billboard Year-End Hot 100; this is at #10, which is crazy to me. That’s probably thanks to that nonsensical Charlie Puth remix but let’s ignore that for the sake of my sanity. “I Hope” is vindictive, overly harsh and absolutely repulsive. It shows an uglier side to Gabby Barrett that you’d usually only be able to see if you look up her political views, but that’s what makes it so uniquely cathartic to me. This is a person who I disagree with heavily on a moral principle ripping off a middling Carrie Underwood track with blown-out, compressed and really gross production... but that’s 2020 for you. It’s hard to listen to with a straight face or without turning it off, but you have to endure it. You have to listen to this woman croakily belt her overlong chorus until the melody of that hook grounds itself into your mind, and you remember that climax point. “And then I hope she cheats”. Barrett isn’t destroying the guy’s sports car as a metaphor for her revenge fantasy like Underwood, she is just completely upfront about how much she wants this guy to be left emotionally distraught by this new relationship out of pure spite. Nothing represents the constant aggravation of 2020 finally releasing and expressing all of the fears and anger society has kept curled up until they were forced to isolate for the sake of common human respect and dignity, and the fact that people are adamant that they’ve had enough of oppression, inequality and the elite, than those squealing guitars in the second chorus and Barrett’s raspy delivery. This song is far from perfect – I’ve seen many argue it’s not good at all – but it feels necessary this year as an avenue for the public to vent their frustration. Now let’s do that with someone who isn’t a Trump supporter.

“The Bigger Picture” – Lil Baby

Peak: #3

Yeah, speaking of songs being necessary, I admire Lil Baby, a person with a platform who people, especially the youth, will listen to, for making a protest song like this. Regardless of how many rappers express their grievances about racial inequality and societal issues, the person with the biggest and most impactful voice will always matter the most to me. The most important issue Baby gets at here is that racism isn’t new or simple. It’s complex. It’s deep-seated. It’s systematic. It exists in the very way people function under their governments and how people live their lives and do business. Even me mentioning business is a sign of how capitalism undermines the struggle for the economy. Lil Baby speaks from his own experience in Atlanta and gets to the heart of real Black struggle in the United States, with the inherent fear and defiance that many young Black men have of the police and authority, regardless of background or criminal record (oftentimes non-existent, unlawful or directly targeted). Sure, he dips his toe into some centrist ideas, which I’m not a fan of, but they aren’t rooted in this “why can’t we all get along?” crap often spouted by those who don’t want to see social upheaval affect the money flow. It’s not just rich old white dudes either, look at Lil Pump, Lil Wayne and Kanye West, and how buddied up they got with Trump for their own desperate financial security and outright refusal, in many ways hypocritical, to help the working-class and the disadvantaged. They’re only disadvantaged because of the elite. It should not be an inherent birth right to be impoverished, but that’s how we live, and I admire Baby for attempting to make a change over the melancholy pianos and trap skitters. Oh, and yeah, he’s flowing and spitting over this. He’s not boring and overly pretentious. He’s engaging. He makes you want and need to listen to him because he, like many Black people in America and oppressed minority groups worldwide, has got something to say. We’ve got to start somewhere. Black lives matter. Now for some honourable mentions.

Honourable Mentions

Let’s have a lighter tone, perhaps, for these next few entries, but first, let’s run through some honourable mentions, in no particular order other than where they are on the predicted Hot 100.

“Blinding Lights” – The Weeknd

This song has already been talked about to death, by about March, so I’d be doing a disservice to discuss it here.

“Don’t Start Now” – Dua Lipa

Same here. This is a weird list because whilst this would be in the top five if I had more to say about it, I don’t have much to say about it other than how it is a perfectly composed pop song. I want to discuss songs I actually care about on a level more than pure sonic enjoyment, so make of that what you will.

“ROCKSTAR” – DaBaby featuring Roddy Ricch

Roddy Ricch should be absolutely treasured while he’s still here.

“Life is Good” – Drake and then Future

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about pop music in 2020 it is that Future, when he’s on, is an absolute monster. Anyway, more honourable mentions soon, and let’s hop back onto the list proper.

Screw it, it’s my list.

“All I Want for Christmas is You” – Mariah Carey

Peak: #1

At the start of this year in January, it felt like just another monotonous routine of a year that started exactly how it would end: with apathy about the world in ruins. This is true for most years but 2020 decided to spice it up a little with... you know... 2020, and all of its pandemics, riots and chaos. So, for just a short time, can I talk about a song that provides absolute joy to absolutely everyone? It peaked at #1 at Christmas in 2019, which was part of the 2020 chart year, and it’s on the predicted list, so it counts and it is an incredible song that reaches into the holiday festivities with manufactured cynicism, before plunging into that jolly bag of cash and producing the most organically happy Christmas song ever. The song is, by name, not even about Christmassy commercialism, and rejects it entirely, with how Carey croons beautifully about how she isn’t asking for gifts, snow or Santa Claus. It’s telling how a single about wanting personal connection every holiday season is the biggest Christmas song of all time instead of any of the other schlock that gets reissued and has a resurgence in this time of year. It helps that it is a gorgeous and intricately composed song with that mellow intro building up into the sleigh bells and pounding percussion carrying the wonderfully 90s strings. This is a timeless classic and I’m so glad it’s a Christmas standard, for what it stands for as well as it being just an amazing song that really only comes around every so often to be a bonafide smash hit everyone loves and appreciates... except maybe every retail worker since December 1994. Walmart is a cesspit anyway, I assume that bile can be chalked up to overplay and negative connotations, of which this song on its own in a vacuum, has absolutely none.

“We Paid” – Lil Baby and 42 Dugg

Peak: #10

How do I even...? I mean... just listen to the song. It clicks. I’d love to leave it there but I am obliged to ramble so... I find this song impossible to explain. I mean, it’s just “We Paid” by Lil Baby and 42 Dugg, an absolute anomaly. It’s barely a song, with a chorus unrecognisable from its verses, two nasal and uninteresting vocalists, flows I’ve heard before and clearly rushed, awkward bass mastering and mixing overall... yet it’s so, so addictive. It’s all about that intro for me, where it starts with a whistle and off-beat, complete nonsense producer tags and pre-verse rambling from 42 Dugg, before the bass kicks in and it just hits so hard. I couldn’t care less about any single line after “’Fore I go broke like Joc”, and I don’t have to. Both Dugg and Baby have stiff flows but are full of character that is so, so necessary over this menacing trap beat that survives only off of the melody so incredibly low in the mix I can’t tell what it’s even trying to be. Oh, and, while we’re here...

“24” – Money Man, remixed by Lil Baby

Peak: #49

This is good for a lot of the same reasons, and wasn’t even a hit. I just wanted to highlight this song for many of the same reasons I really love “We Paid”. It’s a complete nobody rapping robotically over a trap beat that bumps but only because of the cadence and charisma of the two rappers here... which is kind of non-existent in both songs. It relies on the flows, and they’re just kind of monotonous after each of the iconic opening lines. It’s also telling that this chorus acknowledges two Black men who have since become iconic in their fields and died within a month of each other, those being Kobe Bryant and Pop Smoke, may they rest in peace. It’s pretty tragic, actually, and adds a sense of depth to the braggadocious triumph these deflated singles attempt to convey. I am bemused by these songs and whilst you can try to fully understand popular music to the point of deep analysis and Genius annotations, the best music has a sense of mystery and intrigue, at least to me, and something about the whistle in “We Paid” and the vocoded guitar line in “24” makes these two tracks incredibly replayable. Also, you know, Lil Baby’s verse on “24” might be the verse of the year.

Honourable Mentions #2

The sequel is never as good as the original. Regardless, here are some more honourable mentions.

“WHATS POPPIN” – Jack Harlow, remixed by DaBaby, Tory Lanez and Lil Wayne

This guy is a bad omen. “I’mma spend this holiday locked in” is an eerie prediction of this dour year. Also DaBaby is awesome when he tries.

“Roses” – SAINt JHN, remixed by Imanbek

The original song is dreadful, I have no idea how this Kazakh house DJ pulled this remix off but it is a massive improvement from about every possible angle you could think of.

“10,000 Hours” – Dan + Shay and Justin Bieber

That’s well over a year, like that’s 416.7 days. These guys are devoted... and honestly kind of scary.

“Ballin’” – Mustard featuring Roddy Ricch

Chorus of the year.

“Blueberry Faygo” – Lil Mosey

This song is awful, absolutely reprehensible, with no redeeming factors and a clear lack of effort put into anything in the song itself... but at least it’s optimistic. At least it sounds happy and like a true Song of the Summer, and, oh, my God, we needed that this year.

“Lemonade” – Internet Money and Gunna featuring NAV and Don Toliver

Peak: #6

NAV is on my best list. NAV is on a year-end list. NAV has a #1 hit in the United Kingdom, Portugal and Greece. NAV, the Brown Boy himself, has one of the biggest hits of both 2020 and 2021, given that this isn’t caught between years, and I’m not complaining because this song is a riot. I did say that this list wasn’t based on pure sonic enjoyment but I’m going to throw that absolutely out the window for this one. If anything, “Blinding Lights” and “Don’t Start Now” aren’t on the list out of pure fatigue, because this song is just as incredible as it sounded on release, with that slick, watery acoustic guitar coating a light trap skitter and bouncy 808s. That’s a description I could use about most hip-hop this year, but “Lemonade” has this liquid-smooth quality to it and it is safe to say that NAV and Gunna fill up all of the space available in their container here, whatever that means. NAV, for once, co-opts a flow that sounds great from his whiny Canadian mumble, mostly because he takes Don Toliver’s flow from the chorus, and whilst he didn’t write this chorus, he absolutely sells it with his soulful crooning. This song is a hedonistic celebration of everything materialistic and meaningless, but it’s having fun doing it, and that is seldom seen in 2020’s trap efforts. Gunna’s flows here are playing with the beat in a way that is reminiscent of Young Thug but finally in a way that sounds uniquely interesting and fitting for Gunna, and not just straining his limited vocals out to testing out a flow that clearly doesn’t fit the guy, or settling for something a lot less engaging. Man, out of all people to be praising this year, I did not expect it to be Lil Baby, NAV and Gunna... back to back, several times. Let’s get back to people I did expect to be gushing about by the end of the year.

“everything i wanted” – Billie Eilish

Peak: #8

Much like “The Bigger Picture”, this song made the list out of necessity, mostly in its lyrics. I would be absolutely selling this year short to not include one of the most thought-provoking young women in pop music on a list like this, and thankfully, she wrote a gorgeous song that I can discuss here. Firstly, the sound of this song is brilliantly subtle and intimate, with panning keys, light-weight clapping percussion and such little focus on everything surrounding Eilish’s soft, dead-pan cooing multi-tracked to add that extra depth and convincing delivery to the lyrical content, which we’ll discuss later. It’s not that this makes the song sound unfinished or lazy, or even uninteresting, because it has that degree of elevation that is necessary for a lyrically focused song like this, with the second verse starting off with just the muted 808s emphasising that intimacy that Eilish attempts to convey through the lyrics, which are mostly an ode to her and her brother’s especially close relationship. Eilish details her depression and even nightmares, relating to a lot of her music’s themes surrounding sleep paralysis and the very concept of dreaming. That first verse is heavy in content, and honestly distressing to even write about here, but it can be summarised in this: Eilish had a dream where she committed suicide by jumping off of the Golden Gate Bridge, which is a common location for these types of deaths, adding that unnerving realism to the verse. The verse may be about betrayal but you could interpret it and much of her music as a response to the press and the media, which seems to flip on how they portray and criticise her, which has been increasingly obvious this year. That makes the idea of no-one, not even her fandom and those keeping the most attention and eyes on her, caring about her suicide even more damaging and raising the stakes to something that doesn’t feel like meaningless teenage angst or even just dropping off emotional baggage. The song is, in many ways, a love song to the only person she thinks would care: her brother, FINNEAS, with the chorus reciting his words of wisdom and reassurance to Eilish as she struggles with suicidal thoughts. The verses may be a specific and detailed level of insight into her psyche, but the chorus, with its wider scope and lesser detail, doesn’t come off as unrealised. Rather, it appears motivational, to both Eilish and the audience, but with the following verse and final leg of the chorus making it incredibly clear that words mean nothing without an action to follow it up or back up what has been said. Motivation doesn’t mean a quote on a wallpaper or Genius lyrics page. It’s about the willpower and the inspiration to change the way you think about yourself and make self-improvements to battle these demons, even when it seems impossible, and if it does seem impossible, there’s always your close support bubble that can reassure you and bring you back down to Earth when it all feels so unreal and that you can’t handle it.

Ee-ooh.

“The Box” – Roddy Ricch

Peak: #1

It’s tough to go into extreme depth about the personal impact a hit song has had on your mental health and what this means for the audience of said artist, and then completely dismiss it for another wacky Young Thug clone, but I did it before – in this very list twice already – and I’ll do it again, God damn it. “The Box” is pure chaos. It starts with this triumphant brass section that sounds dusty and classic, but then you immediately hear that damned “ee-ooh” sound, barely on beat and barely holding a note. It sounds like a poor falsetto imitation of a door creaking, and it is perfect. It’s just such an engaging hook, as if the actual hooks and choruses weren’t engaging and interesting enough. There’s so many intricacies to Roddy Ricch’s performance here and his array of flows are put on display excellently over this menacing beat with that reversed 808 that sets this apart from any other trap beat, especially with the eerie keys and especially with Roddy Ricch, who delivers possibly the best performance on this list second to my #1. The song starts with that mighty, iconic hook and even with that, Roddy rejects his flow before the measure is even up, outright refusing to continue and stalling with a muted “mm” sound. The lyrics aren’t cryptic by any means but it’s not like they’re all that simple, forming some kind of trap-rap word association all about “the box”, which could really mean anything at this point. He goes for a whiny elongated ending to each line in the second part of the chorus before switching sides to elongating the middle of the line in contrast to him spitting the last few words in rapid succession with a carefree cadence that’s almost inspiringly smooth. His verses are littered with charisma and hilarious ad-libs, and that’s before he goes into that falsetto for the second half of the first verse, with a simple but joyously stiff delivery, that makes his voice get closer to cracking with every syllable. Then we have the second verse, where the dude even laughs on beat and makes it sound great. The yelping in the second verse is endearing and amazing, with the way the beat cuts off for him to belt “BITCH, DON’T WEAR NO SHOES IN MY HOUSE!” at the top of his lungs like a misogynist toddler absolutely completing the song for me, and how the beat comes in afterwards is just perfect. It’s hard to explain this song without listening to it, again, but one listen of these flows and how he plays around with the beat like a kids’ toy is enough to understand truly why this song is one of the best of this year, and that Roddy Ricch is an absolute treasure.

I’m a 2020 presidential candidate / I done put a hundred bands on Zimmerman

This might be the best lyric on this list by the way. Speaking of ridiculous trap bangers with quotable lyrics and incredible flows...

“Heartless” – The Weeknd

Peak: #1

How did both of these songs hit #1? Sure, they’re trendy, they’re catchy and they’re by popular artists, but there’s something about these songs that feels so chaotic and messy, yet so grounded in reality despite how loony these guys and their performances are, including the lyrics. For “The Box”, you have 30 Roc’s pounding trap beat to make sure Roddy doesn’t completely go off the walls, and for “Heartless”, well, the same is true, but replace 30 Roc for the absolute legend of modern hip-hop production that is Metro Boomin. The intro going into the first verse is one of the highlights of pop music this year. I love how it leads you in with the mystery of the coating of reverb-drenched synths, all of which sound oddly alien, before revealing the layer of the trap beat and furthering the mystery via The Weeknd’s whispering “sheesh” ad-libs. Then, when that first verse hits, all subtlety is dismissed as excessive and unnecessary, even with that first cocky opening line, but especially when the heavy 808 bass continues to crash multiple on each bar surrounded by air horns and Abel’s never-ending luxury porn. This song is an ode to self-aware, reckless and absolutely self-indulgent materialism, highlighting its effect on not only how Abel copes (most notably with the amphetamines making his “stummy” feel “sickly”) but also on who surrounds him, particularly his inability to settle down and find a partner, and how frustrated he is with this, which is especially true in the chorus, before he puts on the disguise once again for the verses, in which he spits a list of endless excessiveness in his bars carrying as much swagger as he usually does. This song in all its maximalist production is oddly minimal in how it presents the raw psyche of the character of the Weeknd and his drug-addled mindset that couldn’t care less about the effect he has on his friends, family, women, himself or even society, as long as he has a good time... but it’s increasingly clear that he knows the impact this life style has and he understand that it makes him “heartless”, but only because that’s what he decides is directly affecting him and of course, Abel has always made sure that the character of the Weeknd is as selfish and self-obsessive as possible. It helps that this isn’t a moaning and moody piece of self-indulgent boring trap slop. It isn’t conveying a message through music that can’t represent it, it’s effectively pulling off its narrative through the whole sonic package, and you know what helps even more? It’s fun, and it’s funny, and the revealing bridge where Abel looks back at his past relationships and how this life style is a response to the damage and pain inflicted on him by said relationships, comes as a genuine shock because just seconds earlier, the guy said this:

So much pussy, it be fallin’ out the pocket

What an incredibly thought-out song, and definitely one deserving of a couple GRAMMY Awards in whatever category those racist out-of-touch elitist executives decide to retroactively slot the Weeknd into when the backlash becomes too much. With that said, here are some more honourable mentions.

Honourable Mentions #3

Now in IMAX 3-D!

“Break My Heart” – Dua Lipa

INXS are fuming.

“Good as Hell” – Lizzo

This is beautifully composed and genuinely motivating, and Lizzo has so much charisma but in 2020, I do not feel “good as hell” enough to justify this being on the list. Hey, what can I say? Truth hurts.

“Truth Hurts” – Lizzo

That failed gag was about as on-the-nose as this song itself, but Lizzo totally embraces that.

“For the Night” – Pop Smoke featuring DaBaby and Lil Baby

“Wishing Well” – Juice WRLD

I’m not a fan of these songs in particular but it would be awful of me to not include these two artists on the lists, even if it’s tragic that it has to be posthumously. Both were gone way too soon, and way too close together for it to feel anything more than distressing and really depressing. Sure, they represent two completely different issues rappers face, but the fact that the two biggest hip-hop artists of 2020 are both gone and not able to see this immense success is just a tough, bitter pill to shallow. Rest in peace to both of these men and I hope out of respect for their legacy, and out of apathy for how the record labels milk both of these audiences, that I won’t need to talk about them in the years ahead.

I have just discussed a lot of important songs with meaningful concepts, deep lyrics and insight, sonically innovative instrumentals and genuine emotional trauma as the background for their creation... but when I discuss my #2 as well as my #1, I need you to keep in mind this question: what is the purpose of pop music?

#2 – “RITMO (Bad Boys for Life)” – The Black Eyed Peas and J Balvin

Peak: #26

Popular music and especially the charts should always be taken with a grain of salt. Art doesn’t necessarily mean anything without meaning appropriated to it, and that meaning has a bunch of baggage that correlates to the lyrical meaning and contextual history behind whatever is being analysed and what is being criticised or praised. The Billboard Hot 100 is a glorified stat pad, as many have pointed out, and there are flaws in the system that don’t even make it a perfectly accurate set of data. This isn’t to undermine popular music and its impact. I’m not saying Elvis Presley and his ludicrous amount of weeks at #1 is to be scoffed at, or that Michael Jackson’s Thriller is an inconsequential piece of music that shouldn’t be remembered as fondly and as often as it is. These albums and artists had a genuine effect on culture, and the society that follows it, especially in the United States’ desperate attempts at gathering an “American” culture to cope with their extreme levels of regional, ethnic and economic diversity and disparity. Neither my #2 nor #1 pick reflect that at all. In fact, “RITMO” is a laughably bad song, but to call it a song implies there is art here, when in reality this is a pure product made for a soundtrack to a mildly successful Will Smith movie, made as a cash-grab by a fading producer-rapper and a tacked-on genuine mega-star who was offered millions of pesos to rap on this dated, lazy house-adjacent reggaeton beat. This isn’t just a product, it’s packaged and not with limited edition decoration, just typical, disposable plastic that’s harmful for the environment. I’m not doing a worst list this year because I want to celebrate what remnants of fun we had in 2020, and it’s telling that a lot of these songs are from 2019 or earlier in the year, and feel like separate landscapes even. Do you seriously remember “RITMO” in any capacity? Or even the movie that it was made for? It’s almost outstanding that a song that samples a band called Corona can be so oddly tone-deaf to the current situation, and not even one of the pandemic, but one of social progression and worldwide oppression that this song ignores to sell a product... but ignorance is bliss.

It’s misleading to say that 2020 started off awful in March. That would just be blatantly untrue. Hell, the virus was discovered in Wuhan in December and made its way to Europe and the United States by the time late January rolled around, and even by then the US had killed important Iranian military secretary and one of their national heroes Qasem Soleimani ostensibly on grounds of “terrorism” for the sake of a power play and risking a potential world conflict. Diplomatic incidents don’t just happen, they have reasoning and they have a background. Not even in popular music do things just happen, they follow a trend or a burgeoning genre, and if they don’t, they are pioneers of a trend that follows to varying success. You can see this in 2019 producing the biggest hit of all time with “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X, which felt like a sudden insurgency of this random country-rap pop song by a complete nobody becoming suddenly one of the most important cultural milestones in the country’s history. It’s less of a sudden event and rather an exemplification of things that were happening over time, like the dominance of streaming, conglomerates manipulating what was believed to be organic digital and social media to benefit them and the elite, the increasing saturation of white men in the country genre that has yet to improve from his bro-country years, the racism that runs rancid in the South as Republicans steer closer to extremism and anyone who can challenge them decides to clear their way to the centre or is oppressed and ignored by the government that can continue silencing them. You may say that it’s not that deep but if you talk about popular music, you absolutely have to consider its wider impact. With all that said, sometimes it’s better to live in the moment.

“Hot” – Young Thug featuring Gunna

Peak: #11

Maybe it’s bizarre for me to dismiss everything I said about the cultural impact of popular music and its existence as a product for the big three record labels as well as a milestone for culture and the audience that consumes it, just so I can put my favourite hit song at the top of the list. I would completely agree with you, and I wasn’t planning really to put this song so high until it immediately clicked in a contrast with “RITMO”. “RITMO” isn’t self-aware of its existence as purely a product and nothing else, but it’s not like that fact is hidden from you when you listen to the track. It is pure ignorance of the wider world and pure ignorance of anything that is actually and genuinely important to people across the States and across the world, but not in a way that can move people and become important. Sure, the song is fun and catchy and actually a pretty damn great song, that is why it’s so high on this list, but it’s more to represent how heavily these songs juxtapose each other. “Hot” is in equal proportions a promotion of commercialism and materialism, much like “Heartless”, but without any of the emo-adjacent moaning about fame and without any of the self-awareness... which may seem like “Hot” misses the point but it absolutely does not. “Hot” is the absolute peak of the trap genre. It’s not conceptually important, but it is a song that means the most to me in this particular period and in this particular year. The song is an album cut from 2019 that is only big because of a Travis Scott remix and SpongeBob memes, so it sets itself up to be perfectly detached from 2020, even before you hear those triumphant horns from Wheezy and the trap percussion that bumps harder than anything else on this list or in Thug’s discography. That immediate release of energy coated in smoky, whispery ad-libs isn’t what makes this song important, though, it’s the subtle build-up of Gunna’s simple, direct but menacing flow that feels like he is directly talking to you and almost wagging his finger at you whilst doing so. It’s just Gunna appreciating and absorbing the peak of hedonism in a cohesive and monotone Auto-Tuned flow. Just like the years of the Trump administration and prior, it creates a routine and a pattern that despite how outrageous it may seem, gets you used to believing what is expressed and revealed, which is often completely petty and ridiculous nonsense, just like Gunna’s bars here. Then Young Thug comes in. The aura of mystery surrounding his reverb-drenched mumbling in the bridge intrigues you and pulls you in, taking you out of the Gunna-infused hypnosis and dragging you face-first into starstruck astonishment. The song finally releases in full-blown explosive trap-rap fashion with one simple meaningless phrase: “I took the Bentley coupe back then I hopped in a Cayenne”, followed by that energetic screeching ad-lib that book-ends nearly every bar here. Finally, there’s liberation. Sure, this is hyperbolic, and I’m not trying to make some insanely pro-Biden political statement here, but it feels significant to me that this is one of the biggest hits of one of the most historically essential years in recent history, even if it didn’t make much initial impact. Thugger switches from sing-songy melodies to repetitively imitating a machine-gun in a guttural yell, and it feels natural. It feels chaotic and that there is very little focus, but that’s because there is. He is completely ignorant of anything surrounding him and indulges in his own self-aggrandisement with rapid but smooth flows in his signature yelping delivery. The lyrics are frankly meaningless and irrelevant listing of luxury brands and cars, but that’s because Thugger couldn’t care less about the wider world or what surrounds him or even the impact he himself has on society or culture. It’s not like that means the song can only be appreciated in a vacuum because it creates that vacuum for itself, and by using that one manic Thugger verse – the best verse I heard in 2019 and one of the best verses to ever hit streaming services on pure energy and delivery alone – allows itself to release and indulge in the little things, the petty fantasies, those precious albeit unimportant elements of life that add up to form some kind of self-satisfaction and dare I say in 2020, happiness, and before you can even truly appreciate that...

Turn the whole top floor to a whorehouse / Hundred racks in ones, dude bought the flood out

...it’s taken away from you once again, and you have to scour your way through a fading trap beat without any of the additional touches that made it so great in Thugger’s verse, without the playful flutes, and most importantly, without the fun. You’re left there with what remains of Wheezy’s composition after it was ravaged by Thug and with only the same whispery, barely audible repetitions that started the song off, and you realise that whilst the release may feel great and liberating while it’s there, until you break the routine and bring about change, your happiness and your freedom is meaningless and any attempt to replicate that same feeling is futile. So to answer that question, the purpose of pop music is to reflect on how culture and society develops, evolves and adapts with what it’s faced with, but ultimately, to us as people and consumers, music serves as a fleeting moment of joy, self-expression and most importantly, a release of what has to be bottled up and silenced in the everyday routine of life, because of powers outside of our control. Farewell, 2020, and good fucking riddance.

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aleinia · 8 years ago

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I finally finished reviewing all of @animentality’s books. Good. It only took me like five years, it’s fine.

Anyway, this is for Roman’s Numeral, which can be found here. The first book, Gallows Humor, can be found here.

Loved the series. One of my favorites of all time, that’s for sure. Gonna be supporting it and posting for it for quite some time--until I run out of fuel. or run out of ideas lol. Anyway, hope you enjoy the review.

Memoirs of the Mausoleum: Roman’s Numeral is the final book of this trilogy, and it is one that cements the true excellence of this series. With the final book of a trilogy, there could either be major disappointment or a feeling that a successful story has been made. The first two books were thoroughly impressive, and this one is no different. Roman’s Numeral cements the success of this trilogy with its brilliant writing, complex characters, and emotionally aggravating scenes.

The Memoirs of the Mausoleum series excels in character development. It takes a character and makes them a person. Even in the final book, there is still major revelations and growth for the characters that remain, which is something impressive, since characters with previous development remain static by the final book. There is still a lot of pasts to uncover, and personality to see, which is why it’s so engaging to see the same characters over and over again and see their development. They all continue to be complex and human. Despite learning new information, it never comes across as pointless or a way to drag the story. Most impressively, a minor character, in the span of two to three pages, is given as much emotion and development as a secondary character. I was surprised, upset (because the character made me emotional), and incredibly impressed.

In terms of its writing, the final book of the series was powerful from beginning to end. There was no moment while reading that I felt like a certain moment was being dragged for too long, or a certain area was dull and irrelevant. Everything that occurred was meant to tie up most of the story points that the series spent time developing. There was no subplot that I felt was dealt with haphazardly or wrongfully. Story-wise, everything had its purpose and its order, and so every chapter was a thrilling experience to read. Since it is the end, there is a want to know everything there is to know about all the characters you’ve read about, and all the concepts, like the Pulses. Roman’s Numeral exemplifies what should be done; give answers for the current story and characters, but leave some of the concepts a mystery for future works. While this series may have ended, it leaves you wanting to know more about the rest of the Memoirs of the Mausoleum universe and what other areas could possibly be explored. The author has created such a complex world that, by the end, you realize that you’ve only seen one small segment of it, and want to see more.

All of its scenes were extremely well-executed. This time around, there was no confusion when reading, something that is an improvement for this author, since their last two books held some confusing scenes. All types of scenes, whether fight scenes, flashbacks, tragic scenes, emotion-heavy scenes, etc., were all done with an equal amount of consideration and skill, leaving them all equally thrilling to enjoy. I was immersed the entire time, both with apprehension and genuine enjoyment from the writing and the way it was tailoring an exhilarating story.

Down to the core, this book is an emotional one. Its major strength is its ability to make you feel for characters and their situation. The strongest point of the Memoirs series is definitely its characters, but the second strength is in its manner of bringing out emotions within the reader. I was definitely going through a myriad of emotions while reading, which is what a book, especially the “final” book is supposed to do. When it gets a rise out of you, it does it to the fullest extent. That’s why I always had to take a break while reading each book—they always drain you. This one was no different. In fact, it does so to a fuller extent, since you finally learn the truth about most of the characters and thus, know, to the full extent, who they are. The most fulfilling, I would say, was of the main character’s: Ten. Whenever good things happen to him, you truly treasure those moments, you care about him and what’s going to happen to him by the end of the story. His past honestly made me cry. All of the characters’ pasts are gut and heart-wrenching, but Ten’s was constructed with so much unease and intensity—not to mention that it was built-up throughout the whole series—that I couldn’t help but cry.

I’ve only read a few books were its climax and ending brought me to shambles, and I was always left impressed with how it managed to do that. I always chalk it up to stellar writing and an understanding on how to make characters realistic and their reactions realistic. When you’re lamenting and screaming at the characters about what will happen to them, it clearly shows your investment—and wish for a happy ending. The climax and end of Roman’s Numeral left me a complete mess. All its emotions and storytelling seamlessly constructed a powerful and brutal ending to the series, one that I expected, acknowledged, and was yet unprepared for. Despite whatever opinions you may have on the ending, it is still one that leaves you in awe, and you leave the story satisfied because at the end, you were fulfilled as a reader. There were no plot holes, convoluted plot points, or a rushed, unsatisfying ending. Seeing the climax of Roman’s Numeral reminded me that the death of a character isn’t what is inherently sad, it’s the manner in which they die and what they might say that is more impactful. Roman’s Numeral created beautiful, yet tragic scenes that I was fully expecting, and yet struck me with so much emotion because of the manner in which it handled it. That’s where most of the impact resides with this series.

While my reviews for the past two books have been long, this one is rather short compared to them. The other two reviews were filled with all of the topics I wanted to hit—and there were a lot, because there is a lot to discuss and mention with this series. Most of what I wanted to say is in those two reviews. These books have the same elements and the same consistency in terms of writing and storytelling. There are definite improvements, but it remains impressive throughout, which is why I don’t have that much to ramble about in for the final book. At this point I would sound like a broken record. There isn’t a specific element that you can find in Gallows Humor that you can’t find in Shock Values. All the books are treated the same in its development and construction, which is why I have rated them all five-stars. There wasn’t one of the three that was sorely disappointing or did not compare to the others. That, in and of itself, is why I love this series so much.

The final book of this series is the final staple and just what I needed to fully know that Memoirs of the Mausoleum is one of my favorite book series. It is incredible, from Gallows Humor to Roman’s Numeral. Every book is a bundle of amazing and phenomenal writing and story-telling. The plot is engaging and incredibly creative. Finding this series was like finding gold, like finding diamonds. I don’t regret buying this series and reading it in its entirety. It was such a fulfilling experience and one that left a memorable impact. Completely underappreciated, and completely worth the read. I’m recommending this series to as many people as I can, and I will be following K.L. Somniate for more of their spectacular novels.

#literature #memoirs of the mausoleum #horror #review #book review #my writing

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beebuddyreviews-blog · 8 years ago

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Title: Black With Autumn Rain // Author: whimsicule (@whimsicule) // Rating: Teen & Up // Words: 93,468 // AU // Published: 03/10/16 // Completed: 01/16/17

Official Summary:

“Thank you,” Geoff says, taking a sip of his tea. “What did you tell him?”

Louis has a sip as well, lets the tea burn down his throat too quickly, too hot, and he feel it all the way down to his stomach. “The truth. Essentially,” he replies after a moment, licking his lips, relishing the slightly bitter taste of the brew that’s never quite strong enough for Louis’ liking. At least it’s not decaf. “That my dog scented it. That I didn’t touch the body. That I came here first thing.”

Geoff nods pensively. “Did he believe you?”

“Probably not. There’s only so many people who can drown on dry land before it gets fishy.”

or: Harry is a journalist, Louis has lots of secrets and the moors aren't exactly the ideal place to rekindle a lost romance.

Green’s Summary: Louis lives in a small town where everyone knows everyone - and everything. When someone begins murdering tourists, the small town garners more attention from police and journalists than they want – or need. Harry, a journalist, visits the town to investigate and write about the ongoing murders. Harry ends up becoming more involved in the investigation than he ever bargained for because of his history with Louis.

Review Under The Cut

If you have been in the fandom for a while – and you read fic – then you’ll know Whimsicule as the author of Dead of July. Dead of July is an amazing work of fiction that features Harry as Captain America and Louis as the Winter Soldier. One of my favorite things about Dead of July was the growth that Whimsicule exhibited from the first chapter to the last. You could see her shaping her writing and applying new things and it was brilliant. I really admire her dedication to long fanfictions that have a lot of character growth. Not everyone can pull that off, because it takes many paragraphs dedicated to the character’s thoughts and actions. You can’t steamroll everything with dialogue, the character has to go through phases. Whimsicule delivers this growth in a seemingly effortless and incredibly realistic way.

So I knew of Whimsicule when I started Black with Autumn Rain, and I am completely blown away. I literally finished the last pages at work because I could not wait until I got home to find out what happened. There is a reason this fic is so highly recommended. It is a truly amazing read and once I got to the exciting bits, I could not stop reading. I was pushing the limits of my ability to get my daughter and myself ready in enough time to be on time for work for three days straight. I will be honest and say that I did from some parts of the beginning very slow, but the story definitely picks up when Harry stumbles his way into it.

I have never read a murder mystery fic and I honestly believed I would not like to read a fic of that genre, but this fic delivers the murder mystery in a fresh way. The murders are not the most mysterious thing about the small town. I loved getting small pieces of the bigger picture in every chapter. It really felt like clues were revealed when they needed to be. Whimsicule knows when to keep you guessing and when to throw you a bone. When I realized that there was more going on than just murders I really tried to pay attention to every detail and map out on my own what I thought was happening. I was nowhere close to being on the right track. If you figured out the twist before it was revealed I need you to come talk to me because how did you see that coming? I am still speechless about the whole thing honestly. The twist is huge but when you get there, it makes so much sense! How did Whimsicule manage to create this fantasy world in a way where something like that just has you nodding your head and thinking man, I should have seen that sooner?

Louis, I could gush forever about this characterization of Louis. I wanted to hug him and tell him that he’d figure out what was going on soon enough, and I wanted to make him stop putting the blame for everything on himself. I think Louis is a vulnerable character that also exudes so much bravery and strength. You are constantly rooting for him, constantly wanting him to win, and wanting him to feel like he belongs. He had so much responsibility thrust on him from such an early age and he deserved a happy ending where he could make peace with himself and his decisions.

I love that both Harry and Louis were such likeable characters. Even when they were wrong, you still rooted for them. That speaks a lot for what Whimsicule is able to do with her character’s, they are three-dimensional characters – with believable and realistic flaws. I loved Harry and I loved that his character was still strong and complex even when most of this story was delivered from Louis point of view. I loved how dedicated he was to helping Louis – not just to their relationship, but helping Louis figure out what was happening in the town and helping Louis figure out his role in all of it.

The minor characters are also very well written. Liam is a solid presence that is central to Louis’ character. Karen and Geoff are the warm parental figures the story needed, and I don’t think it would have as much heart if not for them. I loved how the author worked in Zayn and Niall. Zayn had no lines but I was still so excited to see him included in a fic. And can we talk about Puck? Puck is a national treasure honestly. He is honestly one of the most endearing pets I have ever read and his knowledge of Louis and when he needed affection just melted me.

This is a long review, but I could talk about this fic for hours. Whimsicule has this ability to make her writing really quiet. I would get so lost in the story and when I came out of it the world was too loud. The beginning of the story felt like the calm before the storm and then it got progressively louder as you figured out what was happening and why it was happening until you reached the climax of the story and her writing was practically screaming. It is an amazing quality to have as a writer and I was in complete awe in her delivery of every single scene of this fic.

I think she ended this fic in a nice way. It wraps up all the mystery and leaves you with less questions than when you started the fic and that’s important. I have a couple questions still, but nothing that’s going to haunt me, and I would list them if they weren’t spoilers. If Whimiscule reads this and wants to help a very curious reader out – I really would not mind a nice long chat. ☺ Also, the cigarette smoking scene. I was torn between screaming about them possibly getting hot ashes on each other and screaming about how I’ll never be able to think of a cigarette the same. I’m not going to spoil anything but wow.

Would you recommend this fic to Blue: I am a horrible person. Honestly, I told Blue the twist. I would still recommend it to her because it is so well written and because Whimsicule is able to back up every risk she takes and I really need someone to talk about this fic with. I think the fic is still good even knowing the twist. Whimiscule delivers an incredible array of emotion and provides so much insight into her characters; it feels as if they have been long time friends of hers.

I would recommend this fic to everyone and anyone, as long as they did not have an issue with minor gore. Please give this fic a shot if you have not read it. I have linked to the fic at the top of this post. As always, please leave comments and kudus for the author, because feedback is incredibly important. Thank you so much for reading this review. In addition, thank you Whimsicule for sharing your amazing talents with us.

Until next Sunday - Green <3

#whimsicule #black with autumn rain #larry fic #larry fic rec #halo fic #louis and harry fic #harry and louis fic #green review

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birchwoodswolf · 8 years ago

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Who is blue samurai x? I'm dying Squirtle please help.

Well, Anon, there’s my theory, and then there’s the popular theory. And because you came to ask my opinion, guess which one you’re going to get? :D

So here’s a “disclaimer” of sorts for you, or perhaps more of a waiver: This is nothing more than the same desperate string of hope that’s led along a lot of my other theories about mysterious characters in years past. The difference with this one is that there’s actually a significant amount more substance than the usual theories, including a very powerful source (i.e., the Dark Island Trilogy novels, specifically the third one) that vouches for it.

With that said, let’s begin!

So let’s go back to before the beginning, to a basic analysis of what little we do know within canon about a certain Dr. Julien. Here’s a list of important points:

He’s a crazy-fantastic inventor, able to understand complex mechanics with little more than a glance at a set of blueprints.

He was the first person to invent a sentient android. (Cyrus may or may not have based his designs for Pixal off of Zane - it would certainly explain all of the references to “compatibility”, why Pixal was so easily able to duplicate Zane’s blueprints to create the Nindroids, and how Zane was able to rebuild himself in Borg Industries’ factory - but this is just speculation.)

He was (presumably) able to redraw Zane’s blueprints from memory and then modify them such that they would be suitable for use with far more limited materials (Word of God says Echo was made out of “copper and bits and pieces from the island”).

He was able to draft blueprints for and then reassemble the Destiny’s Bounty’s engines within about 18 hours. (Started around midday, they left the island at sunrise the next morning.) He also added the “blimp”, most likely for stability, and made several other changes to make sure the ship would be able to fly safely. The improved engines were powerful enough to resist the pulling force of the entire Leviathan.

He seems to have a certain talent for inventing and implementing weapons, considering the Juggernaut, the Bounty, the two vehicles he made from scratch on the Dark Island, all of the Skeleton Army’s various vehicles, Zane, and Echo (though Echo isn’t as good at it due his obvious limitations, i.e. the fact that he’s constantly falling apart).

He also seems to have a decent amount of skill operating vehicles, or is able to learn how to operate vehicles rather quickly. Consider his experiences with the Bounty in the second half of season two: he redesigns it but doesn’t pilot it when they leave, he spends the next two episode building unrelated inventions, and then in E25 he’s able to control it precisely enough to intercept the Overlord’s missile before it can hit Lloyd. All of that with no prior on-screen flying experience.

Samukai forced him to consume an unknown potion. Said potion brought him back to life, and considering how most magic in Ninjago is a double-edged sword, it’s possible that there might have been other effects.

Cyrus admires and respects him, as seen in his little spiel with Zane in E27.

He’s not 100% confirmed to be dead, and the circumstances of his sudden “disappearance” between S2 and S3 are unknown. This here is the clincher. The very fact that we don’t know what happened to him means that he’s an extremely viable option to come out of left field and fuck shit up.

And then, finally, there’s something that I only found out by chance on the Ninjago Wiki, seen here on this page.

Later that night, Wu, waking up, would be struck with a horrible nightmare. Recounting what he’d seen in his journal, Wu would recall his dream; Cryptic visions, such as that of Dr. Saunders, followed by the Hall of Villainy exhibit, its statues filled with more life than regular mannequins; Master Yang, dwelling in the shadows; the former masters of Fire and Water, Ray and Maya, in a pit of flame forging something terrible; the deceased inventor, Dr. Julien; and finally, the twins he thought lost to time, Acronix and Krux. Haunted by his visions, Wu decides that he must prepare for the inevitable future.

Before I even get to the rest of the evidence that supports this, I just want to consider this tidbit here. The Dark Island Trilogy is set between the end of the “real” part of Skybound and Day of the Departed. So let’s take apart these visions, shall we?

Dr. Saunders and the Hall of Villainy were core pieces in the plot of Day of the Departed.

Sensei Yang was also a core piece and main antagonist of Day of the Departed.

From the leaks of the last half of S7, Ray and Maya are still alive and are/were helping to forge the Iron Doom.

Acronix and Krux is obvious, as they’re involved all throughout S7.

And then you consider that Julien is on the same list, in the middle of the list of things that were relevant in S7, and that again according to the Ninjago Wiki, he was considered important enough to be pictured (scroll down to the Appearances section). And now, if you still don’t believe any of this shit I’ve laid out before you and you’re still not 100% convinced, then we can start getting into the nitty-gritty details that really start to suggest something when put together.

So let’s actually start off with the Samurai X Rising preview that LEGO posted on their YouTube channel a few weeks ago. (If you haven’t seen it, you can watch it here.) What we’re going to do for each piece of this is start assembling a list of the skills this character must have, and thus eliminate every character that does not have all of these skills.

And this opening short sets the bar pretty high. Samurai X (who I will henceforth refer to as “X”, both to avoid confusion and to save typing) is intimately familiar with technology to the point where they can reprogram it on the fly to redesign Nya’s vehicles and armor. They also seem to have some minor skill with bladed weapons, and are either very talented with operating Nya’s vehicles or instinctually know what to do to prevent all of the dangerous maneuvers they’re doing with the vehicle from killing them. With these three details, we can eliminate 99% of the cast.

Minor skill with weapons implies that they can’t be any minor characters such as Ed, Edna, Dareth, Brad, Gene, Sally, Lou, the Mailman, etc. etc. that have no knowledge whatsoever of these skills.

The ability to drive the vehicle alone narrows the rest of the field down significantly, leaving only:

The Ninja and their close allies (Wu, Misako, Ronin, etc.)

The Elemental Masters

Cyrus and Pixal

Finally, the familiarity with Nya’s technology narrows it down even further, to an incredibly narrow field of Julien, Cyrus, Pixal, Ronin, and Karlof (due to his engineering experience).

And then, just from this short, we can narrow it all down to only Julien and Pixal through the fact that Cyrus appears all throughout the season, X steals Ronin’s voice, and X doesn’t appear to have any elemental powers (since Karlof’s iron fists would be a dead giveaway).

I can hear you now saying: “But Julien and Pixal are both viable options, and most of the same arguments you applied to Julien apply to her just as well!”

But don’t worry about it. I have a way to rule her out, too. But first we’re going to start over, to derive this tiny pool of two viable options in a different way.

X first appears this season in E70, when they appear out of nowhere to rescue Lloyd, drop him off with the Ninja again, have a short confrontation with the Ninja in which X says absolutely nothing, and then blast off and leave without even attempting to make conversation.

Next: E71. Nya returns to her Samurai X cave and has a very odd encounter with X, in which X copies other characters’ voices. The characters they duplicate, in order of appearance, are:

Ronin

Dareth

Misako

Kai

Nya herself

Skyl*r

What connection do all of these characters have? Oh, nothing in particular… except for the fact that they’ve all spoken in Nya’s Samurai X cave. While I have no proof of this (and no desire to find old French or Finnish episodes to search for voice lines, considering I speak neither) it’s quite possible that the things Samurai X says are exact lines from what said characters spoke when they were in the cave.

When we consider this in the context of the strange encounter from E70, it suddenly makes sense: X is unable to speak for whatever reason, or chooses not to speak such that their identity will not be revealed to the Ninja. This is yet another important detail that will be very significant - and it can singlehandedly narrow us down to one character. (I’ll explain why later.)

Another important thing to note in this scene is that X apparently doesn’t know that Garmadon is dead, or generally says something about Garmadon that causes Nya to go into a fit about Garmadon and makes sad music play. This is yet another thing that’s very important to consider, and I will again explain why later.

Finally, Nya walks away at the end of that scene assuming that Samurai X is Skyl*r… and then Skyl*r is immediately counted out in the very next scene.

Honestly, I’m getting tired of presenting evidence because let’s face it, everybody who’s reading this is already convinced X is either Julien or Pixal and all I really have to do is explain why it can’t be Pixal. I’m not even going to bother with presenting the rest of the stuff, because I’m getting tired of it and none of it is relevant anyway.

So here’s my final argument on why it has to be Julien, and why it can’t be Pixal: color schemes.

See, throughout the series, even if you don’t look that hard, you’ll see that Pixal tends to be associated with three or four colors: white, purple, green, and red. Her body is white with purple accents, her eyes are very obviously green, and parts of her design (and her eyes when she was briefly “evil” in S3) are red. Notably, none of these colors are blue or gold, the main colors that X chooses to associate with.

On the other hand? Julien’s entire family is centered around four main colors: blue, yellow/gold, white, and black, most of which are prevalent in X’s design. For evidence regarding this color association, it’s as easy as taking a look at some of the episodes that are significant to their family in general:

In Tick Tock (E7), the memory sequence has a persistent yellow color which turns into a sickly green when Julien dies/Zane is deactivated.

The Last Voyage (E22) has lots of associations with blue, yellow, and black, most notably everything near the end of the episode (the lighting in the scene at the top of the lighthouse, and then everything after that, pretty much).

The Titanium Ninja (E34) features all four colors. Blue, white, and black are the most obvious, but there’s also yellow (the butterfly at the end).

Zane’s original design features all four colors: yellow skin, white clothing, blue eyes, black accessories/gloves/etc.

Zane’s new Titanium design features three of the colors: gray (black + white) and blue. Additionally, Echo has the last color of the quartet (as he’s mainly themed around yellow).

The Workshop features all four colors at one time or another (black and white from the trees outside; yellow and blue from different lighting on the inside).

The Lighthouse also features all four colors in different amounts and places (the tower is mostly dark gray/blue, but is accented by yellowish wood; the light the tower produces is pure white).

But the most cementing detail about all of this is X’s eye visor, which is a particularly telling color: the exact same shade of blue as Zane’s eyes.

*drops mic*

…

*picks mic back up again*

So now here’s the fun part: we’ve got all the fun, weird details about X in place, and now I have to explain where Julien gets all of these extra things from. Some of these are very easy: if X is Julien, the reason X doesn’t know that Garmadon is dead is because Julien was never around to find out about it and presumably has had no contact with anyone who would know.

The more concerning detail, however, is this: if X is Julien, why is Julien unable to speak?

Before I get into my explanation, there’s one more thing I’d like to point out: In E74, X does something very odd. In any context it would seem innocent, but this odd thing is given specific attention and adds a very tangible weight to my idea about what happened.

Go ahead, watch it. Starting at 20:30, watch straight through.

Did you reach 21:00? If you did, go back. Watch it again. Just watch it over and over, those same thirty seconds, until you can figure out what’s wrong with that picture.

Still stumped? Here’s the answer: X moves. They take a step forward, to get a better look at what they’re seeing, as if whatever they’re seeing is the most important thing they’ve ever witnessed. No one else moves; they all stand and stare. X steps forward to look, but at what?

Oh, nothing but Kai using the yellow Time Blade to reverse-age his father.

Here’s the theory: Remember everything I’ve said about Samukai’s potion? How it might have had unintended (or intended) side effects, how magic is a double-edged sword? How a second chance at life can’t just be given away for free, how a price must always be paid for immortality?

Let me just link back to that Ninjago Theories post from 2013 one last time. Just for kicks, y'know. Because option number two can explain everything.

Here’s a timeline of sorts on how everything probably went down, just for the heck of it, and also because I doubt it’s explained in S7 from what we’ve seen in the leaks. (Admittedly it is kinda hard to tell when you can only understand the visuals, but considering that X only appears for short bursts more than anything, it’s definitely a reasonable assumption.)

Starting off post-Tick Tock’s flashback, Samukai brings Julien back to life with the infamous potion and takes him to the lighthouse prison to start creating vehicles for the Skeleton Army.

Julien creates vehicles for a while until the Skeletons abandon him (because they lose the war and can no longer travel to the surface of their own accord). At this point, the potion has probably already started to take effect - but Julien doesn’t notice, because he’s too busy stressing out over his two main concerns at this point: “not starving” and “not going insane”.

Julien makes Echo, blah blah blah, bides his time, blah blah blah, The Last Voyage, blah blah blah, the Dark Island, blah blah blah, THEY WIN YAY!

At some point afterward Julien starts to figure out that something is terribly, terribly wrong, but he doesn’t want to worry Zane about it so he says nothing. Eventually he figures out what’s going on and decides to make himself disappear, because he doesn’t want to put Zane through this shit right after they were just reunited.

Julien likely flees to the Workshop and lays low there for a few years or until Zane goes to visit for Day of the Departed and Julien realizes he needs to leave, due to his “skin condition”, in that his skin is nonexistent. (Ha ha funny joke.)

He seeks out another isolated place where nobody can bother him, and possibly by accident, stumbles upon Nya’s samurai cave. There, he gets the idea to “borrow” Nya’s equipment and gear such that he can like, not live in hiding for the rest of his existence.

S7 happens: meeting with the Ninja and Nya, not wanting to use his own voice or possibly being unable to use it (again due to the aforemented “skin condition”), etc. etc. etc.

Finally we get to the end of the season, where he witnesses Ray getting de-aged by the yellow Time Blade. The step forward now makes sense: “Holy shit I don’t have to be an actual skeleton until the end of time now”.

So yeah, that’s about it for all of this. You now have the proper context to understand this video that I made the night I watched the leaks! Hooray!

#ninjago #ns7 #ninjago spoilers #ns7 spoilers #dr. julien #zane #cyrus #nya #pixal #echo zane #samukai #ronin #my posts #my headcanons #my theories #Anonymous

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