#the character that defined what my favorite flavor of character would be for the rest of my life

[doodlboy]

Idc about the new black butler unless she is there

[st0rmyskies]

I’m new to the LU fandom, I really love the series but I’m kinda confused about the whole link/link shippings. It’s not something I have a real issue with as long as the links in question aren’t related by blood or anything, but I’m really confused how the ships came to be????

Wildlight especially because yes, there’s definitely chemistry and a deep bond between them, but I’ve never thought about their relationship going beyond that and into sexual????

I always kinda felt like they’d be queer-platonic, like, they’re so close their relationship can’t be defined as purely platonic but it’s not sexual. There’s a lot of love and affection but it doesn’t fall neatly into romantic either?

They’re just. Two people who really care about each other and want to enjoy their time together while it lasts to the fullest and just. Experience life with the other by their side.

Mostly I just feel really confused and like I’m lacking a lot of information. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense or seems rude, I just don’t understand in general, and thought maybe you could provide some insight???

So I, for example, don't like mango. Some people love mango but and think apples are boring, and I would clutch my pearls about that and go on a 40 minute tirade about how apples are the shit. The same can be said for shipping. When it comes to ships, both with regard to types of ships and pairings, a lot of it comes down to personal preference. It's as simple as that.

That's the main idea here, anon. There's not any information you're missing. The rest is under the cut for specifics about Wildlight and other Linkships.

No matter how you ship Wild and Twilight, with even the various flavors of queerplatonic or simple friendship being considered "shipping" of sorts for the purposes of this conversation, as you said: it's obvious that the two of them have chemistry. They have history together. They look to one another when Time says cryptic shit like two siblings wondering if that lore drop from dad was true or not. Twilight scolds Wild for getting himself injured in defense of Wind and Wild doesn't hesitate to give it back to him a bit. In the most recent arc, while everyone on the team is affected by Twilight's injury in one way or another, Wild is the one who loses his mind a bit over the whole thing. Their bond runs deep.

Like you, there is a huge group of fans who look at that relationship and enjoy that flavor of queerplatonic rep. They choose to ship Wild and Twilight in that way, and that's cool. But some of us look at the same relationship and prefer to explore the spicier side of things under the same context, and that's cool too. There was recently a text post I reblogged that went something long the lines of fic writers "using preestablished relationships to give sex [in their works] emotional context." Without having to write thousands of words of backstory to get two people together, sometimes we as fic writers lean on the source material to establish the soft stuff so we can get right into the more hardcore fare. It's a fun little thought experiment to consider how two characters like Twi and Wild who have such obvious caring for one another in canon might engage with one another behind the scenes.

The same can be said for characters who don't seem to have a whole ton of on-screen chemistry, as it were. Sky is very obviously in love with his Zelda, and that's part of the reason why he was the focus of the poly!Sky series. Because yes, SS Zelink is adorable, but what if Sky wasn't limited to that relationship alone? How would his relationships look like with Twilight, with Warriors, with Time? For me, it's a fun exploration and skill-development exercise to write believable romantic and/or sexual relationships that you wouldn't expect in-universe, especially since they firmly aren't established in the source material.

I, for one, also enjoy exploring both healthy and unhealthy sexual relationships through fiction. By far, my favorite kind of couple to write has to be the train wreck: those who bring out the worst in one another and have incendiary chemistry in the bedroom. HSH WarrTime falls into this category, and Twilight/Dark does too in a different sense. It's that journey from "Omg this would NEVER work" to "Dark has one person and one person only he will behave for" that never fails to hook me.

In the end, it boils down to the same reason why most restaurants have such a diverse menu. Some people prefer one flavor of cooked-up relationships, others may prefer another. Some of us change tastes depending on the day. And maybe in relationships that you personally don't see romance or a sexual connection, to someone else it looks plain as day.

And that's all totally okay.

[thebibliosphere]

So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!

I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.

I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.

I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.

There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.

Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)

So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.

When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After. 

But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.

And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)

There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.

I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.

Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.

(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)

And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.

“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”

Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.

Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting. 

To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom. 

Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man. 

Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms... 

If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.

This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful. 

----

*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.

** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.

*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual. 

[blonde-in-charge]

Wildcard, Chapter Four

Summary: Steve Rogers found you on the side of the road after a mission involving Hydra and convinced the Avengers to take you in. You have no name, no memories, and no idea of what you are capable of. All you know is that you are a super soldier with more hidden abilities than you care to admit. The first step to finding answers was to train you. Nobody, including you, knows what is up your sleeve. (Slowburn)

Characters: Bucky x reader, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, Tony Stark, Random Hydra guy

Warnings: Fluffy!Bucky, Flirting, bed sharing

Words: 2.5k

The ride to the safehouse was relatively quiet besides the sounds of the road outside of the vehicle you were in. The drive took about 2 hours, and you had no idea where you were. By the time the agents had dropped you off, the sun had started to rise over the small cabin. The SUV that had dropped you off, drove away quietly behind you, while you and Bucky looked at the small house. You looked at each other and then raced inside. You were ahead of Bucky, trying to get to the bed first but he grabbed you around the waist and spun you around with him as you squealed out. He set you down and you pushed him aside to open the bedroom door. Bucky tried to grab hold of the shirt you were wearing but was just short as you threw yourself onto the bed. You rolled over. Your hair sticking up in every direction as you grinned triumphantly. Your face was heated from the small workout racing the soldier provided.

Bucky groaned as he walked back into the living room to fall backwards onto the couch, “How am I supposed to sleep on this thing?” 

You laughed from the other room before walking out and joining him on the old couch, plopping down with a sigh, your thigh resting against his. The last twelve hours has been the most Bucky has ever spoken to or even touched you. You were still processing the way he held you while you slept. That was the first time (that you remembered) you had been held like that. You sighed softly at thought and Bucky turned his head to look at you.

“Everything alright?” He asked and you nodded your head, not looking at him. You knew you were easy to read and you were afraid if you looked into those steel eyes, your fears would come true. You have always had a soft spot for the soldier, you never truly realized what it meant until now. You haven't let yourself really have feelings after your rescue, you wanted to be the easiest to work with. You haven't even cried since you had been found, now when you were around Bucky, your stomach would do flips and you barely even knew the man. You knew what he had been through and how he took his coffee, but who was Bucky Barnes? 

“What did you want to be when you grew up?” You asked him, staring up at the ceiling.

He studied you with his eyes. He crossed his arms over his chest and sighed, “I think I always knew I would become a soldier when I was younger.” You smiled at the thought of a baby Bucky running around with toy guns, so innocent. “Did you always want to be…. An accountant?” The question made you let loose a sharp laugh. You shook your head and covered your eyes with your right hand.

“No, I decided I wanted to become an accountant senior year of high school.” You smiled slightly at the foggy memory, “I had always wanted to be a police officer or FBI agent. I wanted to help the world in whatever way I could.” You could feel Bucky’s eyes searing into the side of your face. You cleared your throat, “Do you remember your parents?”

-

The questions went back and forth for what felt like hours. You learned Bucky spent the most time around Steve's mom, he had two sisters, his favorite color was green, and he hates olives. You had told him what little you remembered of your family, about your little sister. You didn't remember their faces very well but you remembered the dynamic. You told Bucky about your random love for olives and he started dramatically gagging. Your laugh echoed through the cabin you shared with him. For the first time in eight months, you felt light. You had somehow shifted to one end of the couch and wrapped yourself in a blanket, Bucky sat on the over end with your feet in his lap. The more you talked to him, the more memories you accessed. 

“Okay, okay. Who was your first girlfriend?” You asked as you stood up from the couch in search of a bottle of wine. You heard Bucky chuckle as he thought about it. You emerged from the kitchen with two glasses and a dusty old bottle of red. 

You had Bucky open the bottle and pour the glasses as you returned to your spot on the couch. “I think my first girlfriend's name was Ruth?” He said squinting his eyes as if it would help him remember. 

“Damn Barnes, how many girls have you been with?” You asked, taking a glass of wine off of the coffee table. 

He shook his head and leaned back against the cushions, “No, it's your turn to answer now. How was your first boyfriend?” He wiggled his eyebrows and you gently slapped the hard metal of his shoulder. 

You closed your eyes searching the memories that surfaced on your brain, “Josh? His name was Josh Noah, I was 16, maybe?” You drew a blank when it came to remembering faces and you didn't push yourself to. You opened your eyes and smirked, “So, you were a ladies man, huh?” 

You laughed as heat rushed to his cheeks, painting his face but he didn't look ashamed. “Yeah, I got around quite a bit.” You studied his face as he searched through his thoughts. You smiled slightly wondering what a date with Bucky Barnes would be like. 

You sipped at your wine and made a small face at the flavor. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't like what you had at the tower. Bucky laughed at you and you stuck your tongue out at him in defiance. You absentmindedly reached out to touch the cold metal of his arm and he flinched away from you. You gave him an apologetic expression as you pulled your hand back, “Sorry, I should have asked first.” 

“No, no. It’s okay, I haven't really had anyone touch me in a long time who wasn't trying to attack me.” The way he said it made a heat rise to the surface of your skin all over your body. You looked up into his eyes and felt your stomach start to do backflips once again. You reached your hand back out slowly and splayed your fingers against the metal forearm. 

You adored the man in front of you, you knew the types of nightmares he had. You wished you could just take them away. “Bucky, you deserve all of the good things in life.” You made circles with your thumb as you spoke softly. “Your past does not define you. Your favorite color changes and so do you. You are not the bad guy anymore.” You didn't know what possessed you to say it, but you had to. Bucky just stared at you with wide eyes. You smiled softly before leaning back and taking your hand off of his arm. You brought the glass up to your lips and chased down all of the liquid in it. You frown at the uncomfortable burn in the back of your throat as you stood up from the couch and made your way to the kitchen once again. You were hungry for the first time in the last 24 hours. You looked at the clock and realized it was almost dinner time. You and Bucky had sat on the couch for hours just getting to know each other. The feeling in your chest started to rise once again but you pushed it back down to wherever it came from. You pulled the sleeves of the shirt you were wearing, his shirt, over your hands as you searched through the kitchen for ingredients. The house had been stocked with all the things you would find in the tower, you added a mental note to thank Steve for the shopping list he had created. You peeked out into the living room to see Bucky was exactly where you had left him. Oh god, you broke Bucky Barnes. You leaned against the entryway to the kitchen and cleared your throat.

“Do you have any objections to taco soup?” You asked him, crossing your arms.

He snapped out of whatever haze he was in and looked at you, “Tacos in a soup?”

“Yeah, it's actually really good. Wanna help me cook?” You gestured into the kitchen as he nodded and stood from the couch.  “Hey Buck?” He looked at you and tilted his head as you spoke, “Did I say something wrong?”

He looked panicked, “No! You didn't say anything wrong I-” He sighed and ran his hand through his long hair, “I never realized how much I needed to hear that until you said it.” 

You understood where he was coming from, hell you would have shut down if someone said those words to you. You nodded before turning around and disappearing into the kitchen to start the cooking. You want to eat dinner at a decent time so you better start now. 

Taco soup was the poor kids dinner from college. The only real ingredient that wasn't in a can that you needed was ground beef. Everything else was in a 79 cent can. You browned the meat in the pot while Bucky went to work on opening the cans for you while you cooked, you smiled at him as he passed each one to you and you added them to the pot. You finished combining all of the ingredients and placed the lid of the pot on. 

“Okay so,” You looked up at the clock on the wall and did the math in your head. “Let it boil for about 20 minutes, then we can eat.” You walked over to the fridge pulling out sour cream and shredded cheese, setting them on the counter top. You looked over at Bucky, who was eyeing the soup questionably. 

“It looks like we are boiling the rust off of something.” He stood up straight and looked over his shoulder at you as you shrugged and pulled out two bowls.

“I could just let you starve, but I actually like having you around.” You shrugged and swatted him away as he poked at your side. You leaned against the counter top and watched him. The kitchen was not very big, making the space crowded between you two when you were both working around the kitchen. He came to stand next to you as you both stared at the boiling pot in silence. Your stomach growled loudly which made him chuckle. You smiled, the laugh you elicited from him made you feel like you were floating. You smiled brightly at him, watching the way his chest moved as he laughed. He looked down over at you and you realized you were staring. You averted your eyes back to the boiling pot in front of you and sighed loudly, which he dramatically copied. You grinned and shouldered his side, getting a well deserved, ooph. Bucky turned around as the minutes counted down and pulled out two bowls and spoons. You turned off the stove top and lifted the lid of the pot, taking a deep inhale of the delicious scent. You were starving, so you were quick to fill the two bowls with a ladle. You dressed your soup up with a spoonful of sour cream and half the bag of cheese, while Bucky only dressed his with a handful of the cheese. You both carried your bowls to the small round table in the corner of the kitchen. You sat in one of the small wooden chairs, sitting criss crossed as you always did when you were comfortable. You raised one spoonful of the soup to your mouth, blowing on it gently before actually tasting the contents. It was delicious, as it always was. You really enjoyed cooking, it came so naturally to you. You looked up and saw Bucky was thoroughly enjoying his soup the same way you were. You both ate in a comfortable silence until you were full. You stood up from the table and reached to grab his empty bowl.

He smacked your hand away playfully and stood with you, “Let me clean up, you did all the cooking.” He extended his hand out, waiting for you to place your empty bowl in it. You wanted to say something snarky, but you knew he genuinely wanted to help out. You lost the war in your head so you let him take your bowl away to the kitchen. You decided to change out of the clothes you were wearing and into your pajamas. There wasn't much to the cabin, it wasn't an open floor plan and it only consisted of a living room, kitchen, bedroom, and one bathroom. You knew there was a shed out back that served as a weapons vault, and you also knew the bathroom mirror that opened up into a medical supply cabinet. You maneuvered past the couch to the bedroom. You pulled Bucky’s shirt off over your head and threw it onto the corner of the room, you put your bag on the bed and rummaged through it. You pulled out an old tee shirt you knew was Steves, you pulled it over your head and worked on stripping your legs out of the leggings you wore. You wanted to remain in your underwear but you also didn't want Bucky to feel uncomfortable, so you pulled on a pair of cut off sweatpants and walked out of the room. Bucky was trying to set up the couch to be somewhat comfortable for the night. You leaned against the door frame of the room and crossed your arms over your chest.

“Hey, Buck?” You asked. He looked up and met your eyes, “Can you sleep in the bed with me tonight?” 

You weren't able to read his eyes, you watched as he stood up straight and contemplated the offer. He nodded his head, “Yeah of course I will.” He stripped the couch of its blanket and walked up to you. You smiled and led him into the room, shutting the door behind him. “I just need to use the restroom, then I'll be ready.” You nodded as he dropped the blanket onto the bed and disappeared into the bathroom with his duffle bag. You slipped off your shorts and crawled into the bed. The sheets were so soft against your skin, the feeling was welcome. You fluffed up the two pillows behind you before sinking down into the bed. You turned the lamp off besides you and sighed. The bathroom door creaked open and spilled light into the room. You could see the outline of Bucky, the light clicked off and you listened to him approach. The bed dipped under his weight as he pulled back the covers. He laid beside you and covered himself up, tucking his right arm behind his head. You rolled on your side to face him. 

“Goodnight, Bucky.” You said quietly to the figure next to you.

“Goodnight, doll.”

[amoosewritesfanfic]

[Bakugou Katsuki x Female!Reader]

[+18]

[Warnings: smut, public sex, lingerie, flirting, language, panty stuffing, choking]

[I DON'T OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS OR ANY OF THE ART!! ALL CREDIT GOES TO CREATORS]

Summary: Bakugou and you are on a date, Bakugou decides to take a small detour to get you some cute little underthings~

.

.

You needed to spend time with your boyfriend, there were days you missed him so much and you were glad that it was date night.

He was in a black button up shirt with a pair of dark jeans and a pair of combat boots.

You were in his favorite dress, it was black, the front had your chest slightly exposed but it was still modest and it ended mid thigh, you had paired with a similar pair of combat boots, but it was heels instead of a normal flat pair.

-

You both were sharing a pizza. A pepperoni one with extra chilli just how he liked it, you enjoyed it too, you couldn't really complain the chilli had given it extra flavor.

"How was your day?" You asked him as you took a sip of your beer.

"It was long."

"I bet, I saw the work you did with Midoriya." You said leaning against the table, he was leaning in too.

His eyes watching your movements.

"Yeah? And what did you think?" He asked he was leaning against his hand, he looked relaxed.

"I thought it was great how you helped out all those people, but more so when you beat the shit out of the bad guys~" you teased him.

"Oh? And what part of beating up the bad guys did you like love?" His expression was a little playful.

"Hmm~ when you punched that guys throat and then exploded that other guy knocking them both out of commission." You said.

It was no secret that the first time you met him was the first time you saw him beating the shit out a villain who was about to attack you, it was love at first sight because briefly after you saved him and then tag teamed taking down an extremely dangerous villain.

Briefly after that you two hit off, you had similar personalities, you loved teasing one another and anyone who pissed off you two should know their maker.

"Oh? Is that right? To be honest I was really excited I was thinking about you the entire time." As he spoke his foot rubbed against yours.

A hum escaped your lips.

"Yeah? What were you thinking about baby?"

"Fucking you into the bed." As he spoke your thighs squeezed together a little, he had a smug look on his face.

"Are you getting turned on?" He asked as his foot rubbed more against hers, but moved slowly up your leg.

"And if I am?~"

"I'll just make sure to take good care of you after this~" he hummed.

Your heart was beating faster just at the thought of him choking you out while he rammed into you.

By the end of dinner you were both stuffed and rather excited to see what else the night had for the both of you and slightly tipsy.

His arm was around your waist occasionally giving your ass a few squeezes, but he had stopped seeing a lingerie store still open and a few of its patrons were still searching for some sexy little underthings either for themselves or their lovers.

"C'mon, let's get ya somethin' sexy~" he growled into your ear, you swear you felt yourself becoming wet just from his teasing growl into your ear.

As you walked in you looked around with him, he picked out a few for you, but you picked two surprise ones for him.

Making sure to hide them so he didn't see them.

"Put on those two that you picked I wanna see how fuckin' delicious you'll look for me baby~" he cooed licking your ear.

This man was going to be the death of you if he kept doing that.

So you did as he asked, going into the changing room and putting on the first one, this one had a similar colour scheme to his hero suit, but it was lace mixed with silk. It hugged your breasts and your waist extremely well.

And when you stepped out, his face became lustful, his hand squeezing his thigh already as if to stop himself from touching himself at the sight of you, it made you a bit flustered, thankfully no one was around to see you two.

"Fuck... you're definitely gettin' that one, out on the others..." he ordered and you obliged.

Putting on one of the pairs he picked this time.

It was a lace piece, it was red and black. The bra was a bralette and the panties were a thong so it really defined your ass.

When you stepped out you could almost hear him groan to himself.

Just... how pent up was he?

"Fuck... it looks so much better on you than I imagined jesus fuck..." he said. He looked like he was ready to pounce on you.

"I'll go try the other one~" you teased.

Now this one.. fuck this one was extremely not something you would usually wear.

It was an orange piece, but it only covered your nipples. The panties were covering your pelvis but your folds had just a frame of the orange material around it, exposing your soaked folds.

When you stepped out, you swear to God you've never seen him move so damn fast.

You were pushed back into the changing room and slammed up against the closed door, his tongue already down your throat and his hands groping at your ass.

"Hmmn~" you were moaning quietly from him tugging at your nipples and smacking at your breasts.

"Better be quiet kitten... wouldn't want you to be kicked out." He mumbled as his finger almost immediately ran along your slit making you gasp out, but with his hand clamped over your mouth it was muffled.

"Oh you got so wet for me baby girl...~" he teased easing two fingers inside making you groan in delight, your hips pressing into his hand.

"Fuck... look at what a horny little slut you are, already clenching my fingers with that tight pussy~" he growled into your ear.

"Hmm~" he hummed against your ear before he started leaving bite marks along your skin as his fingers started moving in and out of you, it was becoming harder and harder for you to hold back moans.

"S-stop... n-not here... they'll catch u-us..." you moaned.

"You want that... our sweet [hero/name] gettin' caught fucking Ground Zero in the changing rooms of a lingerie store." He mumbled, his one hand wrapping around your throat.

"Unbuckle my pants..." he ordered before you could answer him.

You unbuckled his pants and pulled out his cock from the confines of his boxers, you could already feel the precum on his tip, your walls tightened around his pumping fingers.

"Look at my little whore~ gettin' excited from seeing my cock hmmm~" he teased, he briefly pulled his fingers out and picked you up.

Your legs wrapping around his waist and arms around his neck. His cock rested on your slit for a moment as he shared a kiss with you, before he pulled his hips back and he slid himself into the warmth of your hole, earning a muffled moan from you.

"Hmmn... fuck...~" he groaned.

His one arm held you up as the other wrapped around your throat, you moaned his name quietly as he started moving slowly within you.

And that's when you heard it, someone coming into the changing rooms, your body tensed up as you heard shuffling two stalls from you, but you were soon distracted by Katsuki...

His hips started moving fast, basically bouncing you up and down on his cock as his hand covered your mouth muffling your moans.

And there was a squeaking noise behind you, the door sounded as though it was about to come off it's hinges.

You whimpered and gasped against his hand as his cock hit all your sweet spots, it was driving you wild.

Your mind was going blank already.

He wasn't holding back one bit.

"What a whore... look at you loving my cock... I bet you like being fucked when theres other people right next to you...~" he growled into your ear making your hips buck and your pussy tighten around his cock, it caused him to pick up the pace.

Thrusting faster and deeper into you as he did so.

Muffled groans and moans coming from you as well as huffs and pants from you, with a few more thrusts, you had both become undone, his seed dripping down your thighs.

He had pulled out and left you standing there in a haze for a moment before he pulled off the bra and panties.

He grabbed your panties and wiped up the cum, before he slowly slid your panties into your pussy causing you to moan and tug a little at his hair since he was kneeling down in front of you.

You placed a soft kiss against your pussy lips before standing up.

"Can't have you messing on your way home...~" he said as he gave you one last kiss before zipping himself up and exiting the changing room to go back to his seat.

Leaving you to change.

-

Once you were done and dressed in your dress and shoes he had taken you to the till to buy all the sexy underthings that you had in the basket.

Your face was still flushed from being fucked in the changing room, but you kept getting this look from one of the patrons in the store.

The look was one of, 'I know what you did.'

And you knew that the woman had known about Bakugou fucking you senseless in the changing room.

And that made you slight embarrassed but God it only made you feel 100% more confident in yourself because you knew he wouldn't do this to anyone else but you~

-

-

[Have this while I write part 3 of "One Last Hit" :3]

[itsomgitsgreenblogging]

The Star Damned Itself: A Critical Role Fanfic

My fic for Day 2 of @essek-week​ I chose the prompt, Loneliness because of course I did. I don’t usually lean heavy into angst but you know, sometimes you just gotta. This one is a more character study/gen fic. 

Trigger warnings: Definite dysfunctional family dynamics//gaslighting//mentions of abuse//crisis of faith

Read the collection on AO3

Maybe there hadn’t been a singular moment. Maybe there had been a thousand cracks, a thousand fissures, and a thousand dislocations. Maybe Essek had never been whole at all. Perhaps Essek Theylss was just a collection of broken shards gathered into a body he had to justify was his.

Was there a moment?

Essek sometimes struggled with that thought. Had there been a moment when everything went wrong? When he realized that he was better off alone? He could conjure a thousand memories to mind. A quiet hallway, the corner of the library where he hid from a party between the shelf and the wall, the sharp pain of a rap on his knuckles that split and bled, the twist of a pinch in the classroom. When had it been? Could it be the day he heard his father hissing to some distant aunt about his inability to listen? Was it the moment he passed his sixteenth birthday and his mother’s lip turned up in a sneer because Essek was just Essek and there was no long dead great living in his body? When he had raised a fork to his lips and realized that food had no flavor? Had it been something earlier? When?

Maybe there hadn’t been a singular moment. Maybe there had been a thousand cracks, a thousand fissures, and a thousand dislocations. Maybe Essek had never been whole at all. Perhaps Essek Theylss was just a collection of broken shards gathered into a body he had to justify was his.

Maybe it was this: hacking his hair off in the bathroom the day his heart was broken and swearing never to do it again.  

Or this: a beacon traded hands in the darkness. 

Or this: 

“People don’t love broken things. Oh stop that, everything is replaceable,” his mother had sighed, with little remorse as she threw the cracked porcelain bowl at a servant. Essek had so often admired it, wondered at the beautiful flowers painted along the edge and the silver rim. She had wanted him to make it float to prove his lessons weren’t a waste of her time, and Essek had made it do so despite the fact he was too young to do it. But he had done it, and had done well and Essek could tell his mother was almost proud of him--until his sister purposefully slammed a door close and startled him. The bowl went tumbling from the air and crashed onto the floor...destroying him completely. 

 The bowl had been bought a long time ago, brought from the Menagerie Coast and settled in the corner to gather dust and be a relic of the den’s wealth. They had it because they could afford expensive things, not because it fit anywhere.  In Essek’s eight year old imagination it took on some sort of legend. He had pestered his science tutor about those flowers, who had listed off their names with a put-out tone. Cornflowers and marigolds, larkspur and chicory. There were almost no flowers native to Rosohna anymore (the endless night had robbed them of that) but that bowl showed Essek that there was a world outside of his father’s grimaces and his mother’s disapproval, and it was a place he could go one day.  It became a little song he sang in his head on those long days. On the days when his mother had no patience and his father had even less and everyone was fed up with him again and again because he wasn’t perfect yet and his mind spun the tune: cornflowers and marigolds, larkspur and chicory, Empire, Rosohna, Tal’dorei, Menagerie. 

People don’t love broken things. Everything is replaceable. Hissed his mother’s voice and his father’s voice as he stared at the closing door. It overtook that childish rhyme and became something deeply engraved in his heart. 

Essek wondered if that was the moment when he realized that she was talking about him. 

Or this: 

“Oh Luxon, holiest of lights, bless this child with eyes that can see past the marauding darkness and turn him towards the light,” the Luxon cleric said as he dabbed oil on Essek’s forehead. Essek looked at his family seated at attention in the rows, and felt his mother’s gaze digging into him. He turned and stared at the beacon...and just saw it. Incense swirled in the air--puffs of smoke caught on the strobing lights. There was just light. He couldn’t feel anything. 

What were they all feeling? Essek wondered as panic slicked his insides and broke goosebumps across his skin. Why? Why couldn’t Essek see whatever they saw? Why couldn’t he feel what they felt? He had done everything right, studied the ritual down to the last detail, but he could feel nothing. He just wanted someone to tell him what he was doing wrong...someone to comfort him. Somehow the wanting made it all the worse. His tutors had told him that though the stars looked close together, they were really an unquantifiable distance apart. And in that moment he realized that was him, gazing into the light of a star, adrift in the vastness of the heavens alone. He was surrounded by people--always, always being watched, but he was so alone. No one loved a broken thing like him, not even the Luxon--but what if--what if--? 

Don’t leave me alone, Essek begged the star. 

The star damned itself, and gave him no answer. 

______________________

As Shadowhand, he was given a certain number of perks. One of them was real estate--a home to be exact. When he received the title to his new home, he had nearly balked at the audacity of being able to live alone in a world that was defined by your den, but then became overwhelmingly excited. In fact, he clutched the deed to the land with a shaking hand hidden by a long sleeve and refused to let it go for the first two hours of having it. 

When he finally came back to his family’s ancestral home to pack his most important things and to send for the rest, his mother was not impressed. 

“Why would you move?” she demanded of him, as the servants helped to fill his trunks. The servants stopped at the sound of her displeasure, but with a look at Essek they continued. 

“Mother, we already spoke about this,” Essek said tiredly, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I have already accepted, and have put down the money--my money to be clear, for the upkeep. I understand you are not pleased but it is already--” 

“We have not spoken about this,” she said haughtily, smoothing her hands on her red dress as if she could make Essek see the reason in her position. Essek saw none.  

“Did you think when we were talking about this last week, and then three days ago, and then yesterday, that this was all--what? Hypothetical?” Essek asked, his annoyance becoming obvious in spite of his best attempts. “If that isn’t the case then you have a very selective memory, Mother.”  

He was being far too petty, that was exceedingly obvious. Essek was doing himself no favors, in fact, what he should have been doing was being pleasant and considerate and polite. Mother preferred that version of him, the son that did nothing but exist solely to further her every last ambition. It was too hasty, showing the self he kept private just like his mother wanted. No one liked this Essek, not that this Essek had anyone he would care enough about to care. The eagerness he felt at the idea of being alone without his family constantly breathing down his neck was intoxicating and it was making him something he was loath to admit: bold. And his mother noticed because of course she did, and her skin took on a lavender flush of fury. 

“It simply doesn’t make any sense. We can take that residence and do something useful with it, give it to a branch of the family. A single man has no reason to have a whole estate for himself, it’s just wasteful. Especially considering--” 

“Considering what?” Essek demanded, cutting her off. The servants at this point grabbed the trunks and escaped the room like harpies were descending on them. “Go ahead, Mother. Say it.” 

“Oh don’t be dramatic, Essek. We both know you have no desire for a family of your own, don’t make me out to be the villain in this story you tell yourself,” his mother said with a roll of her eyes. Essek was furious now, his blood was boiling under his skin--something ugly and terrible was clawing at his insides attempting to escape, venom was filling up his throat like bitter bile. 

“The only thing I don’t have a desire for is being bred like a prized Horizonback tortoise,” Essek hissed before throwing up his hands. “But you know what? You are right. If that’s what having a family is like I would rather be alone, so just let me go. If you ever loved me, even a little bit, you would just let me be.”  

“This is not your decision to make,” she warned him. She wanted him to bend--to break. For once, Essek didn’t back down. Instead he stood tall, facing his denmother with a kind of strength he didn’t know he possessed. “The Luxon will not shine on this decision. Your place is here, I am your denmother--your Umavi, and you will respect my will.” 

If the Luxon existed and it chose you as the paragon of virtue, then it is a foolish deity, Essek thought.

“I have already made my decision,” is what Essek said before walking out the door. 

____________________

One of his mother’s favorite tricks was making Essek feel like he had gone absolutely crazy. When he was around her and when she was talking to him, he often had the acute sense that his mind was slowly being peeled back from its foundations like a soggy old parchment. He would say something--bring up something that had happened in the past, and she would deny it as if it had never happened in such a convincing manner that it left Essek feeling like maybe he had lost his grip on reality. She would tell him they had never argued, or she had never taken away a beloved blanket, or any number of things and Essek would almost believe her every time. 

Essek was finding that living alone was better and worse in that regard. Essek didn’t have anyone else making him feel like he was slowly going mad, but instead it was now springing from his mind. His job thankfully kept him on a rather rigorous schedule, but when (if) he returned home to his empty towers time seemed to both slow to a hardening syrup and speed up beyond his control. His trances were made short and abrupt by the sound of the wind and the cold of the stone, with little else to do once he was home he often researched on his projects for hours on end without stopping. He feared the day he retired (maybe, if he was lucky and his treachery wasn’t discovered) because Essek felt he would lose track of time all together. 

Not that there was retirement in sight. His new position as Shadowhand barely left him time to breathe, let alone work on the things he wanted to. But things were better. They had to be better than before. Anything was preferable than before. 

“This is what I wanted,” Essek reassured himself, as he lay on the floor in his second tower on a rug that had cost enough that he felt that he was entitled to be able to lay on it. “I wanted to be alone.” 

Had he? When had he wished that? 

The thought stumped him. When? When had being alone become the price he had to pay for his brilliance...for his research...for living? It seemed like it had become as natural as breathing...to be alone. He was suited to loneliness like a bird was to air. After all, whenever he had to speak to someone outside of work he felt like he was slowly withering away into nothing. And yet now he couldn’t even remember the last time he had even spoken honestly with another living being outside his head where all of his conversations went according to his daydreams...and it was suddenly very alarming. The Assembly was useless for that he had found, despite his hopes otherwise, and there was no one in Rosohna he could think to enjoy. 

He didn't like to admit it, but he had wanted a kinship with them... at least the mutual respect a fellow researcher deserved. But as always, it never worked out. The Cerberus Assembly was just another collection of old biased fools who worked only to absorb more power and prestige. Of course he would be happy with the research they were doing, and he was learning more. And learning was everything, the truth was the only thing, but even so...

Maybe tomorrow would be different, Essek thought. There was no reason to think so...there would be the meeting with Lythir and the Bright Queen and whatever guests were probably coming from the city of beasts, and then he would be caught up in all sorts of official nonsense. But maybe tomorrow the sting of loneliness wouldn’t be so apparent. Maybe he would be cold hearted enough not to care. 

Maybe tomorrow, Essek thought, staring at his ceiling alone. Maybe tomorrow. 

[kendrixtermina]

Sigh. Chibnall.

Jodie Whittaker and demographic realism

So I want to make clear that I have no problems whatsoever with Jodie Whittaker’s performance - the character seamlessly kept walking across the screen, she has great energy, love the steampunk goggles. 

Honestly I’ve always believed that giving existing characters a demographic change is not really as revolutionary or helpful as ppl think; New characters and stories (esp. told by writers of those samedemographics) solve the problem much better. Keeping specificity is often better than losing it, and the character still has a background (from an “advanced” civilization that used to do dirty deeds and is still kind of uppity attitudes, a character who’s decided to be against that attitude but still needs to be knocked own from the occasional uppity moment; It makes sense for them to look like a british dude, and they have the freedom to go wherever problems like sexism and racism don’t exist so... ), and will be linked to its origin.  But at worst something that will look dated in a few years like the 80s outfits, the show’s done dated and crowdpleasing before; There’s no hard reason not to do it and I expected no quality dip. 

It certainly worked as as attention grab, the premiere drew a lot of attention but that only lasted as long as it took for the reviews to go sour. But one of the main good things its proponents said could come of it was to help the lack of female anti heroes. So far she really didn’t get to anti hero much; It’s not Whittaker, it’s the scripts. 

I want to make this clear: Varied demograpics are good; 

This is why I kind of hate the term “diversity” is one of those vague euphemisms if you mean “demographic representation”, “social equity” or “demographic realism” just say that. 

In a way this is a good thing, it used to be only the best boldest writers who could get away, noadays it has become acceptable to have varied casts. And that’s how it should be artshouldn’t have to have to pass some arbitrary quality standard to simply reflect reality. But as the rebootverse and star trek discovery should’ve proved realistic demographics can’t replace good writing. Sometimes lack of realistic demographis is associated with bad writing because both come from play-it-safe more-of-the-same consummerism focussed sameyness, often someone who goes against the formulas has a solid vision which makes them good, and focussing on ignored topics and perspectives can yield new ideas (consider stuff like Wonder Woman, Get Out, Black Panther... which were just good, novel movies) but you could have a super interesting memorable story where everyone is a medieval european monk, but the characters are differentiated by personality, attitude, beliefs, or something where the cast ticks all sort of all demographic boxes but the characters are 1D and the story trite and predictable

On the one hand you get those gamergate adjacent fanboys who make “diversity” and “good writing” out to be enimical opposites and then you have the purists/antis who treat any critique of writing to be founded in having something against realistic demographics. You need both! 

Series 11

There were good things about it: An attempt at leastto do more of your classic thought provoking space operas or going back to the shows’ pulp fiction roots, covering some historic periods/topics other than the classic historical fiction tropes (they got a pakistani writer, had Yaz and Ryan discuss social topics among themselves etc.), the emotional story centered around this family coping with a loss, having Ryan sort of be the “main” companion and the one the rest of the team is protective of

But overall the reason I didn’t rush to watch s12 as soon as it came out is that it was a bit... bland. The team interacted mostly with each other; The Doctor had more charge with one shot characters like King James or the Solitract than she really did with the companions. Graham was such a missed opportunity. Remember how everyone loved the dynamic with Wilfred? No attempt to strike a bond over how they’re the older party members, or the professional xenophile trying to nudge the bilbo baggins like reluctant hero? We’re told the Doctor really likes Yaz, and I believe it cause she always liked people like that, but are we shown?

For all that Moffat and RTD were very different writers with different strenghts and weaknesses, both were very character-driven writers, and that was really missing here a bit. 

Some ppl said they didn’t give Yaz enough screentime or personality - but the thing is, they did try. They just failed. They let her make little remarks here and there about her homelife, they just never really assembled into a whole beyond buzzwords and inspirational platitudes and the Standard Companion Traits. I didn’t get a read on what she’s about or who she’s like until the pakisan episode where she unlike Barbara, Donna etc. immediately accepted that the past can’t be changed. Ah, I finally thought, she’s a very responsible dutiful person.

Everything lacks edges and defining moments. 

So far, I didn’t sweat it. I though, ok, not everything can be the high-concept character driven spec fic epic type of story that is my personal favorite. Every time there was some addition to the mythos in any way someone cried ruined forever. When the time lords first appeared. When the time war was introduced. 

The classics too were lower on the character driven ness; Still good pulp fiction content. (imho the character concepts themselves were often pretty good, just not used to the fullest and some of the actresses were treated crappy backstage)

I thought “okey, it wouldn’t be good to break with the tradition of making the sussequent incarnations contrasting”

I did think that there was much liberty with the additions which the others did do only towards the end when it feltmore earned, but, the addition of say, sisters, isn’t too disruptive

Series 12 and the Timeless Child Nonsense

The frustrating thing about this is that it COULD have been good. 

The Master teaming up with the cybermen to try and take over Gallifrey is precisely the sort of story the classics would’ve done. 

“Your society is founded on a shady secret and exploitation of the innocent” is a good plot twist especially in these times. The Master finding that secret and using it to his advantage - also very him. 

Imagine what it could have been like if it had been approached from the perspective of someone who, for all that they were a rebel, still sort of profited from being part of that society, someone who wants to take responsibility for that past and would maybe have to make some tough choice to let the exploitation victim go because it’s right even if it has cosequences for themselves and their civilization. 

but then you ruin that by immediately taking the protagonist out of that society. They and they alone are the victim. 

like this plot could have been good except for the twist that the Doctor and the timeless child are the same. 

Not connecting it to existing lore about the earlier war game days, everything with Omega and Rassilon, that bit about the Time Lord becoming what they were through exposure to the untempered schism... that might be forgiven. Even if it does stretch the suspension of disbelief that every single piece of sci fi scanning equipment in the show didn’t pick anything up; Not to mention that it destroys the stake on every heroic sacrifice or death prophecy plot, every time a companion or oneshot character took the bullet, the whole “out of regens” plot...

This is not me being mad about things being added or changed, but this being done in such a way that undermines the philosophy, the whole flavor... 

Yes, the MC is mysterious, the 7th Doctor arcs did a lot with this etc. but doesn’t spelling something out this clear not deplete rather than add to that? It#s a definite answer even if the final origin isn’t clear. 

But they’re so much else.

The trickster hero accomplishing great deeds with planning, guile, improvisation and duct tape, the implicit value that ressourcefulness trumps raw power. 

The rebel, different because they chose to be or made themselves to be such through their adventures, sticking to their own values in a close-minded society - who embodies & encourages thinking for yourself in every situation and universal plot, who battles enemies like the Daleks and Cybermen that represent comformity

Yeah they have many names yeah they take out gods... but all this was the result of their actions & path in pursuit of knowledge, and also, as Moffat once stated, the funny part is that behind all the fearsome reputation is wit and duct tape. 

The fish in a small pond who started out a misfit, failed their tardis driving exam... etc. and often made a point that they didn’t want immortality or endless godlike power. That’s meaningless if they had it to begin with. 

The explorer who wanted to see more than their corner of the world. 

The ANTI HERO that’s made alltogether too tragic here, too absolved from their uppity civilization

All that is wiped away if they were this special creature to begin with.

Where WAS the philosophy, rly? The big humanist speeches that made me love the show. 

Going Forward

So I think - I HOPE - that this in particular will be treated like the “half human” thing from the TV movie or the now josses additional origin stories from the audios, or be handwaved under the “you cant get it wrong cause everything is in flux” carpet

It’s the Master effing with her to pay her back for the half broken chameleon arch thing. 

It’s possible the Child actually existed, long dead or trapped somewhere - again, dirty mystery at the bottom of a stck-up society is a good twist. but this shouldn’t be more than another maybe in the multiple choice past not a definite answer. 

Also, i hate this line of thought but I can’t stave it off: Why is is now that the MC looks female that we get this vulnerable, passively victimized tomato surprise rather than something with an ugly but definite choice in it. 

I will probably ignore it - parts of me resents this cause “your civilization is based on a lie” could be such a good plot twist (then again the existing twists to that end from the classics and End of Time do enough rly) but if i have to choose between that and the basic meaning of the character....

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #283

“if teardrops could be bottled, there’d be swimming pools filled by models”

How much would you tip a waiter or waitress for good service? I honestly don’t even know the proper etiquette of tipping because I almost never ever have been in a sit-down restaurant where I’ve paid because of the whole “I don’t have an income” thing. If for whatever reason I did, I would have asked the person with me how. I do (maybe…) believe however that there should be a baseline for how much you tip, even if your experience is somewhat unpleasant. You don’t know what that person is going through that day. If it’s just pure awful, then I might not tip at all, but I think I’d honestly feel way too guilty. Who is your favorite character from the television sitcom Friends? I don’t watch it. Whose name might you have tattooed on your body? None. Well, I guess if I had hypothetical kids, I might, especially as a tribute if they died. What is something that you always need to leave plugged in? I always at least have my laptop charger plugged into the wall, but not always into my computer as to not totally kill the battery. I just need it a lot because I’m only always on it. Who might you send a selfie to? I don’t send them to anyone, really, save for specific occasions. I just take selfies once in a blue moon to change my Facebook picture, honestly. I feel weird just sending people pictures of me because I feel like I’m screaming, “HEY LOOK AND COMPLIMENT ME!!!!!!!!!”, so it makes me uncomfortable. I only did semi-recently because my friend did my makeup for a Halloween shoot and for once in my goddamn life I felt really pretty so sent it to Sara. Name an item in or on your bed every night. My phone is on the right upper corner of my bed so I can check it when I wake up; I always wake up throughout the night and wanna know what time it is. Out of your work shift, how much time do you spend doing “actual work”? Well one, define “actual work,” but odds are almost zero because I don’t have shit to do. How long do your New Years resolutions typically last? I don’t make ‘em. Who would you call first after getting engaged to tell them the news? Most likely Mom. What’s the song that reminds you of the person you like?Okay so deadass I listened to NSP’s “Wish You Were Here” cover recently and kinda cried lol. Are you good at holding back your tears? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Have you ever sacrificed something important to you for someone you love? My goddamn sanity. How many jobs do you have? None. Do you have any memories you want to erase? There’s one occasion with Jason I wish I could forget so, so badly. Do you believe in the phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will be”? No. I don’t believe in pre-determined destinies and such, and thus I don’t see anything as “meant” and “not meant” to be. Do you believe in destiny? Wow, good timing lmao. Do you believe that things will get better? I like to think so. Have you ever drunk dialed someone? No. Have you ever worn a tiara? Haha, I think on my 18th birthday maybe, my friend Summer came with us to dinner and brought me a birthday tiara. If someone offered to take you out for your birthday, where would you decide to go? I almost always go to Olive Garden for dinner. But, after trying the Cheesecake Factory for the first time… *eyes emoji* If you plan to have kids, what will you tell them about Santa Clause? I’m not having kids, but hypothetically, I’d let them believe it. It’s so magical as a kid and brings so much excitement. I’d tell them the truth when it feels appropriate, and if I know they’re not the type to go telling other kids for no reason “HEY MY MOM SAID SANTA’S NOT REAL SO UR DUMB.” I’d be damned if they ruined it for other children. If you have ever been employed, have you ever been attracted to your boss? What about a co-worker? Not that I remember. Do [would] you avoid kissing your [possibly hypothetical] significant other when you or they are ill? Look man I made out with my ex while he was recovering from bronchitis before we knew it wasn’t contagious so OOPS yeah because I am 110% the “if you’re sick, I’m sick” dumbass all the while going FULL Mom Mode taking care of the person. What was the last thing you bought, other than food? With my own money, that is a daaaamn good question. I only really use it/am given it for food. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? No. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? Do you know what that person is doing at this moment? My mom. She’s in the living room watching TV, probably. Think back to the last time you cried, or felt like crying. Who or what helped you to feel better? My mom. Do you own any accessories with your name or initial on them? No, they don’t appeal to me. Is there someone of the opposite sex that knows everything, or almost everything, about you? I would say Jason, but we haven’t seen or spoken to each other for almost four years, and I’m a much different person by now, and I’m sure he is, too. Do you remember the last time you cried because you missed someone? A few weeks back I had a breakdown over Jason again. My PTSD was and still is being pretty rough lately. Are your eyes the same color as your sibling(s)? Just my brother. Anything in your room that you’re hiding from your parents, or someone else? No. What’s your most noticeable flaw? Thinking about it, probably my extreme aversion to conflict. I will BOLT from confrontation. And what’s your best feature? I’m extremely empathetic. Have you ever hallucinated? Yeah; I would see shadows move when I was coming off a certain med. Do you have fangirl-ish tendencies? ………………. Have you ever replied “OK” when someone confessed they liked you? Wow, no. Either admit reciprocated feelings or gently turn them down. The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, or The Beatles? OHHHHHHHH BUDDY. Led Zeppelin, I think… but maybe the Stones. Idk. What would you do for immortality and infinite youth? Nothing. Would you rather have a pool or a hot tub? A pool. Is your handwriting legible? Yes. Well, some people find it slightly difficult because it’s kinda fancy. Have you ever held a baby chick? Yes! Do you think ‘everything bagels’ are disgusting? I’m not a fan. Do you live with anyone that you try to avoid at all costs? No. What did you last get upset about? How incredibly fuckin weak my body is. When is the last time you personally made someone else cry? I don’t know. How many more people do you think you’ll kiss before you die? Hopefully only one. I do NOT want to deal with anymore heartbreak, nor do I want to waste anymore time with someone I’m not going to spend the rest of my life with. Are you more spiritual or religious? Spiritual. Ever been to a rave? Nooooo, most definitely not my scene. Are you afraid to name the person you talk the most shit about? No. Song playing right now? I’m listening to “PRESIDENT X” by 3TEETH rn. Have you ever laughed at someone because they had a funny name? No, that’s incredibly rude. Speaking of names, why do celebrities always call their kids stupid ones? They’re not all “stupid”…? There are some beautiful names I’ve heard. It’s none of my business why others’ children are named what they are. Do you get car sick easily? I don’t. Do you think you’re a good conversationalist? Why is that? NO. I’m just awkward and don’t know what to talk about or what to say back to people a lot. Awhile back though my friend Ian told me I was actually a really nice one and it meant a LOT to me. Hearing someone say that reassured me a little bit. Have you ever been on a float in a parade? What were you doing on it? No. Have you ever been in a helicopter? No. Have you ever had chicken pox? No. Who is your favorite animated character? Oh boy that’s hard man, idk. Maybe Ninetales, at least aesthetically. Idk about as characters themselves. Is it easy to make you gag? Yeah. Who’s your favorite Disney character? Probably Scar. Would you rather have a pet crocodile or a pet octopus? I deadass kinda want a caiman lol. It’s something I doubt I’ll actually do, though. Do you like Ritz crackers? Yeah. Do you have any designer clothing? If so what brand? No. Were you afraid of the dark when you were little? Not very, no. What are your opinions on war in general? It’s fucking awful and could be avoided if people weren’t so goddamn hasty, selfish, and uncompromising, among many other adjectives. Do you like pretzels? Yessss, especially soft ones. Have you ever wanted to be a writer? Yeah, tons of times in my life on-and-off. Did you even vote? This is the very first year I actually did. I felt really bad for not acting, only complaining about my government, and “silence speaks” was heavy on my head. Did some research to educate myself, and I felt amazing afterwards. What is your favorite flavor of gum? Usually watermelon. Are you wearing any bandaids? If so, where and why? No. Do you currently have any bruises on you? No. Do you/did you like or dislike school? I always hated it. Are you currently wearing any lotion? No. Do you ever make recipes found online? What was the last one? I don’t cook, so… but there sure are some that look good. If you smoke weed, what do you usually do after you get high? If you don’t, what would you do if everyone around you were smoking? I never have, so I wouldn’t know. Haha, for the second half, sit there awkwardly… been there once. What’s the last thing you ordered online? The next Wings of Fire book. Starting Sunny’s story now. Tell me about your favorite dress. I had this spring dress in high school that was white with purple skulls on it in a floral design… It was really cute and just has a special memory tied to it. Have you ever slept in a waterbed? If so, what was it like? Yeah, that used to be considered “fun” as a kid. They’re not awful, but not that comfortable either, and if I remember well, it’s easy to get sweaty because of the material. How many floors does your house have? Just one. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Yes. Do you enjoy sappy love songs? Hell yeah I do. Do you ever buy the same shirt in different colors? Simple tank tops, yeah. Ever made out on a rooftop? Damn dude no I’d be paranoid of falling off lmao. One place you will never eat at? Arby’s. If someone went through your pictures, would they find a "bad" one? Nope.

[nightmarenoise]

Just comparing two cartoons I love

I understand that nobody asked in any capacity, but here I go anyway:

It feels fair to compare Ducktales 2017 to Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2018), not only because they're only about a year apart and truly, what is a year, but also because they

1. Both use this style that looks like it jumped straight out of a comic book. Okay, it's mostly the solidly inked shadows, but it gives me, personally, comic-y vibes.

2. They have taken what's arguably the main characters (the triplets for DT, the Turtles for TMNT) and shaken the formula up a good bit. Were the triplets formerly indistinguishable and all had the exact same personality, interests and voice actor, they are now three entirely separate entities with different traits and appearances. And while the turtles had about one defining personality trait and looked basically the same, save for the color of their masks, Rise made them different species of turtle to justify giving them radically different designs and three-dimensional personalities. Both shows faced criticism for this decision from people who cannot deal with change. Despite this, in both cases, it just works and does so incredibly well.

3. The oldest bros wear red.

4. We have two middle bros associated with the color blue who are both voiced by Ben Schwartz.

5. Both shows have a focus on family, with Ducktales especially focusing on found family and Rise on brotherhood.

6. Anime references!

Ducktales has a larger cast overall, with a lot of different characters all interacting with each other and they all have the most pleasant voices I've ever heard in my entire life. It's all solidly animated, the style is consistent and the animation is fluid, the characters are diverse and they're all lovely in their own right, except for those who aren't. The writing is top notch. Everyone feels consistent despite the large cast and it's delightful to watch all those interesting people interact with each other in their own way. The show also handles its mystery elements and occasional action scenes incredibly well, building suspense and delivering laughs and gut punches without hesitation. They juggle different tones like a professional clown, except the true clown was us, the audience, all along, for ever having doubted them.

The overarching plot of Ducktales, for its first two seasons, was mostly to uncover the mystery of what had happened to the mother of the triplets and all that would entail. Mystery and mythical elements will likely continue to be afoot for season 3.

Rise works with less focal characters, we have the Turtles, Splinter and April as well as various bad guys, but more than makes up for it with a lot of animation. A lot a lot of animation and it's all high quality. There's usually so much going on on-screen that a watching it once isn't enough to catch it all. Despite that, it doesn't feel crowded or rushed. Lots of dynamic shots and incredibly-choreographed action scenes, but nothing the thoroughly solid writing has to hide behind. Even when the baddies aren't the main concern, they're still well-rounded, interesting characters with unique abilities and motivations. Although, most of the mutants are just really feral. Still a delightfully diverse cast.

The turtles on the other hand spent their first season trying to foil their various foes, from a yokai trying to mutate all of humanity, to his mutants, to dealing with random mythical stuff, to the nefarious Foot Clan trying to reassemble the Dark Armor in the shadows. It's generally a more action-driven show, but they still find the time for some heartfelt moments.

The triplets 2.0

Despite their conventiently color-coded caps, they were really mostly the same character possessing three different bodies at a time. Well, the times of eerie The Shining like-twins, except extended to triplets, are over!

We have Huey, the oldest brother, voiced by Danny Pudi. He's a gentle, intellectual soul who values red hats, science, scout badges and checklists. Huey is arguably the closest in characterization to the original triplets, with some additional neat freak sprinkled in for flavor. He tries to be the responsible older sibling and keep his brothers under control and out of trouble. He also seems to have the most fiery temper of the bunch and should clearly not be pressed to the breaking point. He's my personal favorite and I heard season 3 will bring more focus to him, which makes me elated to hear. 888/10.

Middle child Dewey, the blue one, voiced by Ben Schwartz, who will inevitably come for all the iconic blue characters. He's very clearly the middle one, because he craves attention and validation and occasionally dreams of being an only child. Dewey is the one who started the investigation into their mom's disappearance and kept it from his brothers, partially to save them from hurt, but also because he wanted to feel special. He's the most interested in going on adventures with their uncle, but can get reckless when doing so. He's a bit of a spotlight hog, who has his own talk show that nobody watches and sings his own theme song when he needs to get hyped up, or just to fill this silence. This may sound kind of negative, but rest assured, he's a good, sweet boy. The focal triplet for the first season. 500/10.

Louie, the evil triplet, a schemer and a conman. Voiced by Bobby Moynihan.  The youngest of the bunch. While they call him evil, he's really far too lazy to cause serious harm, except for when it's his laziness that's causing him to take dangerous shortcuts, oops. He dreams of making a fortune, but without having to work for it and preferably without any responsibility either, thank you. He also occasionally dreams of being a spoiled fat cat. Despite his chill demeanor, he can be a bit of a crybaby and those tears are only fake 50% of the time. I feel like he likes getting babied, but mainly because that means there's less work for him to do. Season 2, which focuses more on him, reveals that he's actually quite brilliant, capable of seeing all the angles and giving him some chessmaster-like qualities. He needs to learn to use those abilities for good. 665/10.

Hi, she's Webbie! The honorary triplet, who also got a massive makeover, from annoying token girl tagalong to socially awkward, adorkable action girl. Be careful who you call ugly in middle school, indeed. Like a more ferocious  Mabel Pines, she has a grappling hook and years of martial arts training under her belt. Webbie can absolutely decimate you, but won't, because she's a sweet girl. Voiced by Kate Micucci. She continues to like unicorns and the color pink, but assuredly in the most badass of ways. She helped Dewey with his quest to uncover the mystery of his missing mom, but works well with all of the triplets, with Huey taking her under his wing a bit and Louie trying to get her to chill out more. Webbie is a sweetheart and I would die for her, were it not completely unnecessary, since she's more than capable of taking care of herself. ∞/10.

A lot of the supporting cast also saw updates and changes, for instance Gyro being a genius without social skills and Fenton being an adorkable scientist, but again, they work really well. They're interesting new takes on beloved characters. Even the new additions to the cast are great. In short, I love me some birds and am excited for season 3, Disney, get your scheduling together.

The Turtles 2.14.2 - I upgraded my upgrade in the middle of the upgrade

Also, these guys have seen so many different iterations in their, what, 30+ years of existence. As someone with no prior attachment to the turtle brand, I don't have a lot to say here. Leo's not the leader in this one and Raph has more personality than being angry at Leo for being the leader. Donnie is not just a random nerd spouting technobabble and Mikey has more depth than yelling the catchphrase every now and again. Apparently, this made people upset. I don't know how to help you with that.  The middle brothers exude some high chaotic energy and should not be left unsupervised, but the oldest and youngest seem fairly stable.

Raphael, the red-bandana'd alligator snapping turtle is an imposing figure. He's the oldest and therefore team leader by default. Raph has no reason to be upset at Leo, so he isn't. Despite his ferocious appearance, he's a soft guy, who likes teddies and doting on his brothers, but fears puppets. He's a bit of a knucklehead, most of his plans involve smashing things with his tonfa and he may refer to himself in the third person in the heat of the moment, but he possesses emotional intelligence, is open about his feelings and looks after his brothers. He is big and and strong, but his heart is bigger and stronger. He especially loves small animals animals, who don't usually return his feelings. RIP in F. This responsible guy is voiced by Omar Benson Miller. 300/10, very soft. Somehow both the heart and the big guy of the group.

Donatello has been upgraded from second-to-youngest to second-to-oldest, not that it makes much of a difference. His color of choice is purple and he continues in the character's tradition of being a nerd, although this time, with self-confidence. Donnie is very sure of himself and his abilities. As a spiny soft-shell turtle, he's less sure of his shell, but that's okay, he's made robotic battle shells to make up for it and his bō is the mother of all multitools. This guy can build you a tank out of a buggie and upgrade your animatronic into something to give the FNAF franchise a run for its money. He's the smartest of the four and when not focused on his phone, very focused on the mission. Due to having to deal with his bros, he can be exasperated a lot. Thinks of himself as an emotionally unavailable bad boy, even though he's just really sensitive and wants his dad or someone parent-aged to tell him they're proud of him. Theater kid. 999/10, give the middle child a hug and some coffee, you can't tell me he has a healthy sleep cycle. This sarcastic nerd is brought to you by Josh Brener.

Leonardo, Ben Schwartz's second blue character (Sonic (2020) being the third under his belt) and also his second ninja after Randy Cunningham. He's not the leader. He's still a good character. Leo has approximately 800 charisma and unwavering faith in both, his family and himself. Mostly himself though. Like Louie, season 2 revealed that he is a master of prediction and playing people like the cheap kazoo you can't tell me he doesn't have to play Darude's Sandstorm on. He dabs, he boards, he will pun you to death and back and he has an Odachi that can cut through space. Leo likes hogging the spotlight when given the chance and wants to be showered with attention and praise. Having four kids really only means twice the middle child nonsense. Leo is a red-eared slider, the original species of the TMNT, as I've been told. He's also the best at being a ninja, but usually too lazy to really apply himself. He's younger than Donnie, but tumblr suggested to read the two as twins, since they're approximately the same age, which sheds a whole new light on their dynamic and frankly, makes way too much sense. 420/10, for our memelord Leonardo.

Michelangelo, the eternally youngest of the bunch. An artiste, who puts stickers on himself, tags the lair, has a spiritual connection to his skateboard and the color orange. Mikey loves all things arts and craft, but he also tries his hands at cooking. He idolizes famous TV chefs and can do pretty much anything out of and into pizza. He's funny, without being annoying, like I feel a lot of other iterations of this character are. It's an easy pitfall for comic relief guys, but this one is more than that. If that's an issue, feel free to leave my house. Mikey is genuinely sweet and happy, optimistic and soft, but also the one brother who knows when it's time to take off the gloves and just get straight to the point. He's open about and in touch with his feelings. He's just baby. Don't treat him as one though. A lot of promo stuff says Leo has taken him under his wing, but he's had more episodes together with Donnie. Not that I'm complaining, they work very well together. Mikey and Raph are both the emotional centers of the group. Does not mind being yeeted after retracting into his shell, as box turtles may do. (Disclaimer, do not yeet actual box turtles!) His weapon of choice is a Kusari-Fundo that can turn into a fire-demon and is about as unpredictable as he is. Likes to jump and bounce around. Probably does parkour. Voiced by Brandon Mychal Smith who is audibly having a blast. 500/10, just an all around Kusari-fun guy.

For last, but certainly not least, April O'Neil, my girl, who saw an upgrade from flip-flopping love interest who was vaguely ninja-ing, but mostly damsel in distress-ing, to all-around spunky powerhouse and by God, she is glowing. Rise has her more as a big sister figure to the turtles, and I will not be told otherwise. She is independent and don't need no man, mutant or no. She has her teleporting pet, her faith in herself, her pinpoint baseball hitting skills and the a complete and utter lack of fear. Despite being a weirdness magnet, April is perfectly comfortable. She would like to be able to keep a job, maybe, but she has loving friends who respect and love her. Surprisingly good a ninja, fearless and fun. Occasionally thinks about being popular at school, but it's really not a big concern, she's not gonna throw a tantrum over it or anything. April is very chill. Not likely to be damseled. More likely to run after the turtles and clean up their messes or save them and everyone involved is fine with that.

The late 10's are really coming in to show us how dynamic and well-written female characters that aren't just "strong", but three-dimensional and relatable are done, huh?

An iconic performance by Kat Graham and ∞/10 for being the honorary better ninja non-mutant non-turtle and best big sister.

Here we have it, two older properties, having new life breathed into them to make them fresh and enjoyable. Have a new spin put on them, to better fit in with our current world. You can feel the love oozing out of every frame. At the end of the day, of course, it all boils down to taste and whether or not you like something. I gave Ducktales 2017 a go because a lot of the staff from Gravity Falls went to work on it and if you don't know me, I love me some Gravity Falls. It's a good show and I enjoy it. I recently got into Rise and while I don't know much about the people working on it, it is also a greatly enjoyable show, easily on the same level as Ducktales, if not above, yet with far less people speaking about it. Which is frankly saddening. I can only recommend the two of them wholeheartedly. If you love animation, yourself and occasionally feeling things, these are for you!

[diminished-fish]

References for “A Portrait in Synesthesia”

This fic is COMPLETE now, so anyone who might have been hesitant to follow a wip, here you go! The whole synesthetic package, wrapped up with a nice lil bow on top. :3

For those who might have missed the masterpost: the fic was my contribution to the good omens big bang and is a sweeping, canon-compliant romp through history, told in (almost) all original scenes, with lots of nature imagery and T.S. Eliot. Kind of my own cold open, but with way more feelings and flowers. Also the sea. And an emotionally significant comet.

I had the opportunity to throw all of myself at this project and really enjoyed making it an intense focus for a while. In a way, it was an experiment to see how much I was capable of, which as it turns out, is more than I thought! (there’s a lesson here, probably...). Going this deep with the research and worldbuilding is not something I will likely be doing often for fic writing, but since I did with this one, I figured I’d share a bit of the process.

Under the cut are major spoilers for the timeline, story, and historic events in my recent fic, A Portrait in Synesthesia. I had originally planned to post this information in the end notes of the fic, but at some point, the list got way too long and posting it here became the sensible choice. There is a link to this post in the end notes of the fic, so it will be easy to find your way back here if you get to the end and want to know a bit more about the writing and research process. 

The Title:

Putting this bit at the top because I don’t know where else to put it: The working title for this fic throughout the entire writing process was “In Synesthesia.” I almost changed the final title in the eleventh hour to “The Still Point of the Turning World” because of what a prevalent theme Eliot became (that line was also slipped into the story three times at important moments �� once for each POV character). I also briefly considered “Always, We Were Enough” as a title, since the conversation with Adrielle at the lighthouse kind of... accidentally became the thesis of the whole story, but that was a bit too sappy even for me, a Confirmed Sap. 

And while I’ll be questioning my choice of title for the rest of forever (titling things is hard, y’all), I ultimately thought the more descriptive title was best, and wanted to keep the nod to the song that inspired it all.

Speaking of the song... have you listened to it yet?? It’s great, I promise!

Synesthesia:

This was my research starting point. Before I dug into any of the historical or astronomical research or even started any serious plotting, I started reading about synesthesia, or, as Psychology Today defines it: the neurological condition in which the stimulation of one sensory or cognitive pathway (for example, hearing) leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory or cognitive pathway (such as vision).

Full disclosure: I do not have synesthesia. I spent a LOT of time researching it for this fic and did my best to portray it accurately, in spite of the fantastical elements I added. If I’ve overstepped or gotten something wrong and there are any synesthetes out there who would like to talk about it, I am very open to those discussions. The AO3 comments are always open to that, or you can message me/send me an ask here if you would like a less public forum.

I probably read r/Synesthesia in its entirety, but this thread of first-hand accounts was one of the most interesting to me and provided a lot of the inspiration for how I used the emotional synesthesia imagery. 

Besides everyone’s favorite research staring point of Wikipedia, this link is one I got from Boston University’s Synesthesia Project, and it is a pretty exhaustive list of research and books, as well as art and poetry about synesthesia. I have also been working my way through The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Other Clinical Tales, by Oliver Sacks which is the book that came most frequently recommended to me in my search. It’s an extremely approachable and interesting look at neurological conditions, synesthesia among them.

As it appears in the fic:

In a broad, generalized sense, Aziraphale and Crowley have a few types of synesthesia in this story. Obviously, I gave it a supernatural/celestial twist and a healthy glug of magical realism, but I did try to keep it firmly rooted in the actual condition. The types of synesthesia they have are:

Chromesthesia: they both have this. Sounds, specifically each other’s voices, have a color association

Lexical-gustatory synesthesia/emotion-flavor synesthesia: Aziraphale has this. Words (in this case, emotions, specifically Crowley’s emotional state) have a taste.

Odor-color synesthesia/emotion-odor synesthesia: Crowley has this. Words (again, emotions, specifically Aziraphale’s emotional state) have a smell.

One of the defining characteristics of synesthesia is that it is constant. If a synesthete connects the number 9 with the color blue, for example, then they will always connect them in this way. This was the major difference between real synesthesia and the fantasy synesthesia in this fic. The sensory/emotion connections for Aziraphale and Crowley changed in subtle ways as their relationship evolved through the ages.

The “binding thread” also had nothing to do with synesthesia. That was me wanting to make the spool analogy work for the body swap, baking it into the entire fic because I liked how the imagery fit with the synesthesia, and then leaning into the magic and the soul memory so hard that I fell flat on my face into magical realism. (A True Fact: I have spent a fair amount of time lying on the floor in the past 6 months, shaking my fist at the cute little plot bunny who grew fangs and claws and dragged me down a rabbit hole that ended up being 100k words deep). 

Anyway! Research!

Before I get into space and history and flowers... Yes, I admit to absolutely making up some wacky shit about Europa for the sake of fun banter and making a metaphor work. All those pre-Fall scenes on abandoned Earths are 100% a fantasy setting and I exercised the super fun right of a fantasy writer and embraced the worldbuilding (moonbuilding?). I also just thought Crowley would have delighted in tying a moon’s guts in knots, and Aziraphale would have delighted in the idea of whimsy-for-whimsy’s-sake. Please don’t lose sleep over the scientific inaccuracies.

Halley’s comet:

I promise not to bog this down with a billion comet facts, but there were a few particular things about Halley’s comet that had me gasping dramatically about how it’s “A.J. Crowley, but a comet!!” Specifically, it’s orbit and it’s structure. 

Halley’s retrograde orbit gives it one of the fastest velocities (relative to Earth) of any object in the solar system. I never explicitly worked the “you go too fast for me” line into the fic because I was trying to do original scenes (this particular story lived between the lines), but... just know that tidbit is there and join me in these emotional dire straits. If you like.

The comet’s structure is what is known as a “rubble pile”, meaning it’s made up of a bunch of smaller rocks held together by gravity (read: a hot god damn mess held together by stubbornness). 

As it appears in the fic:

The nucleus of Halley’s comet is shaped like a weird lopsided peanut. In fact, one could almost look at it and say it resembles a contact binary star, if such a thing could be a shriveled, misshapen pile of rubble.

Officially, Halley’s comet might have been recorded as early as 467 BC (a comet was recorded in Greece that year— unclear if it was Halley’s, but the timing and the fact that it was visible to the naked eye suggests that it probably was). This was the year I had Aziraphale making the scroll that causes Crowley’s panic in Athens (390 BC). I like to think that some human, at some point, caught a glimpse of it and tried to bring it to light, only to be written off as a crazed conspiracy theorist.

The apocalyptic depiction of Halley’s comet in chapter 9 (Bithynia) is actually based in fact. The comet made its closest approach to Earth (in human memory) in 837 AD, passing within 5 million kilometers. Its tail stretched halfway across the sky and it appeared as bright as Venus to the naked eye.

1910 Halley’s Comet panic. Bonus: c o m e t  p i l l s

Where 1910′s appearance was a spectacular sight and one of the closest approaches on record (coming within 22 million kilometers of Earth), 1986′s was the worst viewing conditions in 2,000 years. The comet passed within 63 million kilometers at its closest approach, and had the sun positioned between it and Earth, making it impossible to see from areas with any amount of light pollution, and almost invisible to all of the northern hemisphere. 

Historic events and settings:

Chapter 6 (Ostia): This was one of the chapters that I did a bunch of arguably unnecessary research for, since the history and the meat of the setting faded into the backdrop as the scene itself focused on dialogue and train of thought. The port town of Ostia was incredibly engrossing to read about, and between wikipedia’s ever-branching paths, ostia-antica.org, and ancient history encyclopedia’s entry, it ended up being one of the deeper rabbit holes I went down. My original intent for Aziraphale being in town was as a response to pirates sacking Ostia in 68 BC. I had him stationed there to guard against further attacks as the town rebuilt, and had him lingering because he was swept away by the romanticism of the art and the sea and the constant ebb & flow of people. I never found a way to work this in that didn’t feel super awkward and expository since the chapter was Crowley POV, so it was just left it as background noise.

Chapter 6 (pyramid of Cestius): Beyond being a magistrate of one of the four great religious corporations in ancient Rome (the Septemviri Epulonum), little is known about who Gaius Cestius actually was. As the city expanded, his lavish tomb was absorbed into the city walls (circa 3rd century AD), where it remains what he is remembered for to this day. I took most of my information from here (cross referenced with our lord and savior, Wikipedia) and had a chuckle at this poem by Thomas Hardy.

Chapter 8 (Plague of Justinian): The Yersinia pestis bacterium leaves no indicator on skeletal remains, meaning we rely on written records to track its path through history. The 6th century plague pandemic is the first recorded outbreak of bubonic plague, and for the purpose of our story, a certain distraught chronicler was the one on site, writing that history.

A note/cw: I wrote chapters 8 and 12 in October and November, respectively, and did much of my research for them over the summer. I imagine, given the current covid-19 pandemic, these sources would be less fun to follow up on now. Please be aware that the podcast episodes linked here, and the book cited in the miscellaneous refs section, get into pretty grisly details about illness and pandemics.

Chapters 8 and 12 (bubonic plague/The Black Death): I took a fair amount of my notes on bubonic/pnuemonic plague, specifically it’s path of destruction through Europe in the 14th century, from the two plague episodes of This Podcast Will Kill You. It’s pretty fascinating stuff and the Erins are great hosts, so check it out if you’re into delightful nerds bantering about epidemiology! 

Chapter 9 (the death of Peter of Atroa): Peter of Atroa was an abbot whose fame as a miracle-worker landed him in a scandal accusing him of exorcising demons by the power of Beelzebub, rather than God. Theodore the Studite’s letter cleared his name enough to avoid execution, but his reputation didn’t fully recover until after his death in 837 AD, when he was canonized as a saint. Peter and Theodore were tough to find extensive information on without passing through a paywall, so I took these scraps and ran a mile with them.

Chapter 13 (Tlatelolco, the Aztec Empire, the Feast of the Dead): I used this site as the source and starting point on much of my research on the Aztec Empire. And listen��� I know it looks like a website for babies, and yes, I’m aware that a lot of the articles are literally written for a pre-teen audience, but it’s also one of the most concise, thorough, well-researched, and — perhaps most importantly — easily-searchable sources I found. Most of the pages cite papers and archaeological journals and I was able to jump to SO many other great sources of information. Mexicolore has my undying love and devotion for making my research process easy and fun and also having lots of pretty pictures.

Most of the physical descriptions for Tenochtitlan and Tlatelolco (surrounding landscape, canals and causeways, chinampas, etc.) started here.

Tenochtitlan and Tlatelolco were independent cities, but shared a border (kind of like a city and a suburb) and the small island on Lake Texcoco (located where present day Mexico City is). Tenochtitlan was the capital city of the Aztec Empire, and besides cross-referencing Mexicorlore, the link in the previous bullet point, and Wikipedia, I got a fair bit of information from these essays. 

Tlatelolco’s market was the major hub of trade and commerce, and saw 20-40,000 people trading PER DAY. Research on the market started here.

Chapter 14 (Terschelling and the Brandaris lighthouse): While I strove for historical accuracy as much as possible in this fic, I did take some liberties— especially with the island of Terschelling and the Brandaris lighthouse (yes, it’s real!) circa 1350-1435. 

The village of Brandarius is based on present day West Terschelling— a settlement founded as a direct result of the lighthouse. In the middle ages, both the village and the lighthouse were named after Saint Brandarius (or Brendan of Clonfert: ‘The Navigator’, ‘The Voyager’, ‘The Anchorite’, ‘The Bold’; patron saint of divers, mariners, and travellers). It’s still a relatively small village today, and it was a surprisingly difficult task to find historical records for Brandarius/West Terschelling dating back to the 14th century that say much beyond “it existed.” I loosely based the village off information found here, and named it “Brandarius” instead of “West Terschelling” based on the information found here. 

The original lighthouse was built in 1323, destroyed by the sea in 1570, and rebuilt in 1594. Since there were no records (that I could find) of what the original lighthouse looked like, I loosely based the height and floor plan on the current tower, and made up everything everything else about the interior. The interior was based on information about other live-in lighthouses, specifically this one which is roughly the same height as the Brandaris.

The present day Brandaris lighthouse sits directly in the middle of West Terschelling. For the sake of that sweet Self-Imposed Exile + Cryptid Lighthouse Keeper drama, I took the liberty of making my fictional village of Brandarius teeny tiny and setting it slightly apart from the lighthouse. 

Miscellaneous references:

In addition to the podcast, details about plague in chapters 8 and 12 were gleaned from the book The Great Mortality by John Kelly. It’s a cool read if you’re into nonfiction that reads like fiction, but does have some rather graphic passages so proceed with caution.

Yaretzi’s maquizcóatl/Aziraphale’s memento. To clarify, they were NOT the same item. I pictured Aziraphale cherishing the memory of the day by the lake with Yaretzi so much, that once he acquired the bookshop and had a place for all his kitsch, he hunted down a bad luck dragon of his own.

Here is the Aztec creation story about sun cycles and Earth’s rebirths that Yaretzi told Aziraphale. Another version of it.

In the scene in Mexico where Aziraphale briefly remembers, I used an analogy about a moment that hovers and flits away as “quick as a hummingbird.” Besides just liking the words, this was a nod to the legend of the cempasuchil flower. I originally had Yaretzi telling Aziraphale that story too, but the chapter was just way too long and something had to go.

In my very first outline, I had Aziraphale’s grief and personal growth chapter taking place at a Día de Muertos festival in Mexico. When the plot and the timeline finally got ironed out and I realized only half of that story was going to take place on Earth, I ended up focusing on Aziraphale’s brief relationship with Yaretzi instead of the festival itself (she was always the important bit). I also found myself married to the idea of that chapter happening in the 14th and 15th centuries, which meant the scenes in Mexico take place before Spain invaded and the festival was based solely on its Aztec roots. Because the plot shifted in this way, a lot of research went on behind the scenes that never made it into the fic, but for anyone interested in the Aztec Feast of the Dead, Mexicolore was my starting place again. From there, I found my way to reading about Mictecacíhuatl, the Aztec goddess of death, who was the main focus of the festival.

This isn’t research, but it might interest, like… three of you, so here you go. The scenes in Heaven (Aziraphale’s solo chapter in general tbh) were hard to write. One of those walls you hit with writing where you kick and punch and bang your head against it for months (literal months, I started wrestling with it in August and it didn’t come together until the end of January) but can’t seem to make any breakthroughs. Inspiration truly comes from unexpected places though, and when @gottagobuycheese sent me this Gregorian chant generator it actually… worked? I cranked that hum slider up to 100 and left it there for a few days (to the chagrin of my spouse) and lo— Zophiel.

There’s a cool legend about Saint Brendan of Clonfert’s sea-faring journey in search of the Garden of Eden that has nothing to do with this fic beyond being neat parallel. If that happens to be anyone’s cup of tea, the story is here. The tl;dr version is here. My original vision for the lighthouse included carved whales (St Brendan’s attribute) over the front door, and images from this story (the island of sheep, the Christmas island, the paradise island of birds) drawn on the walls of one of the bedrooms used by previous keepers’ children. Continuing the theme of “how stories echo” if you will. It felt really awkward and out of place once I wrote it in though, and that chapter was already so long once I got through all the plot bits I wanted, so it was left on the cutting room floor. 

Speaking of taking liberties with the 14th century, I did fudge the timing a bit on the art created by Crowley and Adrielle. Drawings, especially pencil sketches, have their historical roots in the late 15th century, and I’m chalking this one up to the fantastical setting of the Good Omens universe. In a fantasy world where angels and demons walk among us and the earth is literally 6,000 years old, I feel like inventing pencils 100 years early is small potatoes. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

This is the edition of A Midsummer Night’s Dream that Crowley nicked in Norwich. There are some really wonderful illustrations and scans of full pages under that link. I may or may not have lost a few hours down that research rabbit hole for a few throwaway lines (no regrets, I fall like Crowley). 

One last rabbit hole...

I saved this bit for the end of the post since it’s not really research and I don’t know how interested people will be in this kind of thing. Also... this is a lot more emotional and personal than the historical aspects of the fic. This is just what I was feeling and thinking while I was writing, and this story is absolutely the kind of thing I expect everyone to take something different away from. If you read the fic, took your own meaning from it, and want to keep that meaning without me tarnishing it by babbling about symbolism (first of all, high five, I love you, thank you for hanging out with me and my stories), then feel free to skip the rest of this post. <3

But! For anyone who wants to know more about what I had in mind with the flowers and nature metaphors I worked into the story, read on!

The tag “it’s an OT3 where Earth is the third” is something I really worked to pull to center stage. In my mind, Earth was a fully formed character who also spent the pre-Fall storyline being jerked around by God and having its memory wiped. It experienced transformations, pain, heartbreak, joy, and love just like Aziraphale and Crowley did, and I wrote it as falling in love with the two of them over the course of the Earth Project, then remaining very much in love for the entirety of iteration 23 (the current iteration). “Memories that are buried in places deeper than the mind” referred to the soul imprints being formed, but also Earth’s buried memories— seeping through the cracks to connect them via synesthesia in emotionally charged moments, allowing them to find each other from orbit in iterations 20 and 21 (music and the sea), and pulling them together in moments of distress like Constantinople and Barcelona.

In the vein of “Earth as a character,” I used plants (mainly flowers), topography, and weather as Earth’s “voice” in the grief chapters when Crowley and Aziraphale were separated from each other and going through their individual arcs. I’m not sure it technically counts as flower language, since all the flowers featured in the fic were wild and growing in nature, but (almost) all of them served a metaphorical purpose.

Flowers:

Jasmine (for the moon): Aziraphale’s flower. Love, beauty, sensuality, good luck, purity. The rational hedonist.

Marigolds (for the sun): Crowley’s flower. Grief and remembrance of the dead, lost love, the fragility of life, creativity, winning the affections of someone through hard work. The fallen artist.

Purple Hyacinth: Earth’s flower. Regret, sorrow, a desire for forgiveness. The witness. These were the wildflowers that grew in the orchard/vineyard on the penultimate Earth, where Aziraphale and Crowley managed to work out the differences they couldn’t by the sea. Hyacinths are also the hazy images they would see in those moments of vulnerability, compassion, and compromise. 

A fun aside! In very early drafts, the placeholder name I was using for angel Crowley was Jacinto, which is a Spanish/Portuguese name meaning “Hyacinth.” It was meant to be a reference to both the flower and the Greek myth of Apollo and Hyacinth, but my brain absolutely could not disconnect it from Manny Jacinto (and kept insisting on imagining Crowley calling Aziraphale homie and calling everything dope). Eventually I leaned into the Latin and landed on Joriel, then attached my banner to the Achilles and Patroclus myth instead of Apollo and Hyacinth, but the name Jacinto still makes me think of starmakers.

Honeysuckle & morning glory, climbing the oak tree: Aziraphale + Crowley + Earth. Seen in chapter 10, when Aziraphale and Crowley shake hands on the Arrangement. Two plants whose vines grow in opposing spirals. In nature, they have a symbiotic relationship, twining around each other in order to climb trees, walls, and fences, allowing both of them to grow higher than they could alone. 

Or: local woman sees this tweet, hasn’t known peace since.

The deasilwise / widdershins (clockwise / anticlockwise) thing got sprinkled throughout the story, with deasilwise being the “angel direction” and widdershins being the “demon direction.” Halley’s comet, with its backwards orbit, orbits the sun deasilwise, even after Crowley becomes widdershins.

Amaranth: Immortality, unfading affection, finding beauty in inaccessible places. 

The garden in the dunes and Petya’s travelling garden:

Where Aziraphale took a methodical, Kubler-Ross approach to dealing with loss, Crowley’s process was meandering and chaotic. The garden in the dunes was where it all came to a head— his way of throwing all of his emotions on the ground like a big jumbled pile of pick-up sticks, then slowly sorting through them and putting himself back together. There was a whole lot of Earth/flower speech going on in those scenes.

With the exception of zinnias, the garden was made up of perennials or self-sowing flowers. This happened “off-screen” as I could never find a decent way to work it in, but... the zinnias which Crowley bullied into being perennials returned to being annuals and died off after he left Terschelling and sometimes I still cry in the shower about it. 

Zinnias: Adrielle’s flower. Endurance, lasting friendship (especially friendships lasting through absence), goodness, daily remembrance. This one is also a small self-indulgence on my part since Adrielle was something of a self-insert. My mother loves zinnias and, growing up, our house was absolutely surrounded by them in the summer. Anywhere there was a free patch of dirt, Mom planted zinnias. They’re a scrappy, weird looking flower that doesn’t have a smell and a lot of people find rather ugly... and I love them with my entire heart. There is no flower on this earth that fills me with more whimsy, nostalgia, or childlike contentment. Also butterflies love them.

Chamomile: Patience. Fresh chamomile flowers are very aromatic and smell like apples.

Daisies: Transformation. Also simplicity, loyalty, and new beginnings.

Poppies: Restful sleep or recovery, peace in death, remembrance.

Tulips: Each tulip color has its own meaning, but the most common thing they symbolize is deep love. That said, I mainly chose this one for their prevalence in the Netherlands, as well as being very colorful perennials.

Pansies: The love or admiration that one person holds for another, free thinking, remembrance.

Lily of the valley: Rebirth, the return of happiness. They also have a very strong, very sweet smell and can grow in cool climates. These were the main reasons I chose it, rather than any of the religious connotations.

Lavender: Silence, devotion, serenity, grace.

Orchids: There’s... actually no deep symbolism with this one. Nothing intended anyway. Orchids, lavender, and cranberries are the dominant native plants on the island of Terschelling. I thought they’d be pretty in the dunes.

I am also a music-must-be-playing-at-all-times kind of person and I came out the other end of this project with FIFTEEN (15) playlists. Some of them are all instrumental playlists that I used to set the mood while I wrote certain scenes/segments, others are lyrical and tell a story or helped me sort out the story, some chapters got entire playlists all to themselves (looking at you, 14th century). The main playlists are linked in the notes on AO3, but I may collect them all in a tumblr post at some point if there’s an interest.

This entire project was an enormous labor of love that took up pretty much all of my free time for six months. So, if you read this far... thank you for coming on such a long journey with me!! Truly, deeply, and from every corner of my heart, thank you for reading. <3

[bekahdoesnerdshit]

no one else has reblogged ask meme Mondays so I'm just going fucking apeshit with u. from the big boy: b7 for raini bc it's funny, c1 for cog bc it's inchresting, h3 for brilliance bc I know there's some gay shit going on and I want to hear more, then a17 (character proud of themselves or ur proud of ur rp as them) L5 and L6 for whomsoever u want to talk about

I won’t need a readmore for this one, I tell myself. There’s not that many questions, and they’re not proseboys. I was a fool. She’s too long to be allowed to run on people’s dashboards unrestrained 😔 Thank you! For going apeshit!!

Raini

B7. How do they respond to babies crying in public? I guarantee the image you have for how Raini would react to a crying baby is 10000% correct. She’s unhappy. Uncomfortable. Unimpressed. Can you please make that thing be quiet. Why did you have it if you can’t mange it. This is why she’s never having kids. Like she’s not gonna say anything to the parents or shoot them dirty looks, because she’s not that specific flavor of asshole, but she’s going Mind Her Business and vacate the premises if possible. People who want to take care of something should just get a cat. Goddamn. There is ONE (1) baby that may qualify for an exception, and that’s Red. This is because (and please, picture Raini, the absolute picture of ‘fed up’, squatting down to look a fussy Red in the eye while she says this) “Baby Lent. You’re better than this. I know you are, and you’re letting me down. You need to stop making that noise.” This is unrelated to the question, but please also picture a Raini who was asked (blackmailed?) into babysitting using her Mage Hand to change Red’s diaper. It has nothing to do with the question but I think it’s a Very funny mental image. Thank you.

Cog

C1. Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it? Absolutely! The way Cog approaches the world is defined by three main mantras: - Kindness is a discipline, not a character trait. - Doing the right thing isn’t always easy, but it is always worth doing. - If you are able to help someone, you have an obligation to do so. Between these three things, Cog sees the world in pretty black and white terms. There are right decisions, and wrong ones. The difference between the two is usually clear to anyone who cares to look, and so most of the evil in the world is born of selfishness. Consequently, Cog does very poorly in morally grey situations. She will commit without hesitation to any course of action that she deems “right” and “kind” no matter how drastic or dangerous it is, but she pretty much shuts down the second she’s faced with a decision that has consequences for someone regardless of what she does.  I’m sure that has not, and will not, come in her life ever at all. Ahah!  I think originally, this worldview was born of naivety. She grew up that religious kind of super sheltered where everything in the secular world was dangerous and dirty, and so when Cog began to realize that definitely wasn’t the case she made the choice to intentionally see the best in people and the world around her to fight what she was told growing up. When she started traveling with her party and actually seeing more of the world than the extremes of a) shitty cult town b) shiny clean magic school, she began to realize that the true state of the Wasteland was somewhere between what her Mama had told her and what she wanted to believe it was. But I’ve never in my life made a character who is stubborn as hell deep down, so instead of letting the world she found herself in change her Cog took a deep breath, rolled up her sleeves, and settled in to be the one changing it by loving and helping the people around her.

Brilliance

H3. Does your OC believe there’s only one ideal partner (or multiple ideal if not monogamous) for everyone, or that there are many people who could be right? I think Brilliance absolutely adores the idea of two people being made for one another. Two souls, wandering the world looking for one another? Who slot together so perfectly that when they find each other it’s clear they never could have fit anywhere else? Bruh. Yes, she knows love takes work. Sometimes you and your partner are going to disagree, and sometimes there’s going to be conflict. The world isn’t “love at first sight” then smooth sailing for the rest of your life. But you put in the work to make your lives better, together, because the universe gave you this person to care for. Maybe there are many people who you could be happy with, and those relationships aren’t anything to look down on. But when you find The One, Brilliance thinks, you know. She certainly did.

Don’t Worry About It

A17. What’s one of your OC’s proudest moments of themselves? Gonna hijack this question to talk about rp moments I’m proud of because Alex sorta kinda gave me permission to do that! Alright! For Raini, the biggest rp moment I’m proud of was her “I’m getting our memories back” speech a few sessions ago, specifically the line, “We’ve been fighting with one hand tied behind our backs for too long. If we’re going to die fighting this thing, I want to know exactly what I’m fighting for.” Morgan and I had been planning to kick off our return from July Hell Hiatus with Wish Two for a couple of days, which meant I was lucky enough to be able to spend a little while planning what to say. I feel like that line in particular embodies Raini’s unwavering confidence in her magic, her determination, and her specific brand of caring for the people around her without actually admitting that’s what she’s doing. I also really liked the way the scene of her apologizing to the party for being Bitchy post losing Magic for a minute went! Idk if anyone else remembers it, because it was pretty short in game, but! I thought it was a very good moment of Raini finding the most Roundabout way to say “thank you for looking out for me while I was defenseless”.  If I can pat myself on the back a little, my Cog monologues kick Ass. The most recent one was when she was talking to Ace about how War is Bad (radical, I know) and there was a moment where she looked at him and said, “...I’m not going to ask for your help, because I don’t know what I’ll do if I do and you say no.” Which. OOF. That was her and I realizing in real time that she and Ace were very much on different sides of this issue. When the session ended everyone said they Loved how good and hurtful that conversation was and I :’) Also, there was a really small moment when Cog was pleading for Maelo’s life (when Sunny’s dad had him locked in a cat carrier. It’s a Long story, made slightly better by the fact that Maelo was wildshaped into a cat at the time) and Cog went Straight for the dad heartstrings by sniffling and asking if, please, would Robert at least let her say goodbye to her friend before he killed him? Please? 😢  She is using her baby face for EVIL!  And oh my god how could I forget! Arcane Timeout! When the party went back to New Alexandria and was confronted by Ace for helping a prisoner escape (which, in fairness, Maelo did do) and Cog brought the encounter screeching to a halt by casting Wall of Stone to make a timeout hut with herself and Ace inside. She then sat herself down, looked Ace dead in the eye, and told him that the wall wasn’t coming down until he actually talked to her, or until he broke her concentration on the spell. She banked hard on him not being willing to hurt her, and it paid off. There were tears all around, both in and out of character. It was Wonderful. Also! I do just want recognition for the fact that I did not give into my impulses to be a little Shit as Cog last session by subtle casting Heal in Ace’s face after he Counterspelled my Healing Word. it was what I Rebekah wanted to do more than anything; unfortunately Cog is a better person than I am. There is No worse feeling than wanting so badly to do something you have no choice but to admit isn’t in character. Rip.  For whatever reason, all of my favorite Brilliance rp moments came during combat. Pressing her forehead to Sabre’s after he died in silent grief, forcefully taking a Narzugon off his Nightmare and then using Misty Step to mount it herself and take off after her friend, planting herself in the chokepoint of a hallway to stare down three minotaurs so she could keep her party safe behind her, pushing deeper into the hellwasp nest to rescue Dembe and Sabre despite knowing that doing so all but destroyed her chance of making it out alive, the list goes on. There were good out of combat moments too (despite the rest of the party’s best efforts 🙄), but I feel like for once I made a character who really shone in combat.  oh GOD I just remembered one really really good rp moment, when our rogue Zihro died when he got separated from the party during combat. We finished taking care of the main devil we were fighting, then began searching the dungeon for Zihro and the npc he was with. We, instead, found both of their corpses. Dembe looked to Brilliance, our healer, and demanded to know why she was just standing there instead of fixing their friend. We were only level three or four at the time, so Brilliance had to tell Dembe, again and again, that she couldn’t fix Zihro. It was too late, she wasn’t powerful enough yet, her goddess wouldn’t answer a prayer like that- It was a rough scene, and without question one of the best rp moments I’ve had with that group. Tae, if you’re reading this, you’re the only one with rights. Also, please unfollow this blog immediately.  Now as a quick pick-me-up after that mess, Pip’s best rp moment was when our barbarian Durokal -who couldn’t read and had a habit of running off and causing Problems- found a plaque he could tell had five words on it, and called Pip over to read it for him when Pip finished chasing him down. Pip, annoyed and out of breath and all of two feet tall, looked up at this 7 foot half-orc and told him, “It says: I’m. Gonna. Kick. Your. Ass.” Also, he regularly called very powerful figures in Barovia by sweet nicknames with “Mr.” in the front. As a sign of Respect. Because he’s the Best. sdfhsdkfj he also he couldn’t think of a fake name quick enough one time so he told an npc that is name was Dick and he was Very embarrassed about it. She: bought it!

Brilliance, Again

L5. Which OC do you think is the most decent morally or behaviorally?  AKA, which is supposed to a “good guy”? The answer is Cog, but we already went in depth on her morals this ask. She’s HAD enough screen time let’s move on. Brilliance is the only other character who, if asked, would say they saw themselves as a good guy instead of just “a person”. She strives to do right by the people around her, and to protect the light and beauty found in the world. She doesn’t have the same illusions about the world wanting to be a good place that Cog does, and she very much understands that sometimes the best thing you can do for the world is to put the things that make it dangerous six feet under. What’s interesting I think is that, despite being a paladin, she isn’t Lawful Good! She’s Neutral Good, because you know what? She wants to do the right thing, and laws aren’t always right. It’s up to you, as a person with a mind and free will and agency, to look at a situation and decide what you think is the right thing to do. And, for Brilliance, generally the right thing to do is heft her sword, raise her shield, and face trouble head on.

Raini, Once More

L6. Which OC do you think is the worst morally or behaviorally? AKA, which is supposed to be a “bad guy”? I don’t have any evil aligned characters, because I personally find things like “getting along with my party members” sexy, but the character who’s the shittiest and the worst is obviously Raini. She’s not a bad person per say, she’s just selfish and results oriented. Very much “the ends justify the means” and in a party like hers she’s aware that somebody has to be the bad guy sometimes, and she’s not afraid to make sure that’s her. She’s also very very likely to fall victim to her hubris making her feel like she definitely knows what’s best, and acting on that maybe without consulting other people (see: the whole fucking premise of the campaign). She sees a goal, she sees a way to accomplish that goal, so why shouldn’t she begin taking the necessary steps to reach it? I think the events of the game have mellowed this flaw out a little bit, but you can still see traces of it in the way she, for example, wordlessly handed Lent a bunch of diamonds before launching her consciousness into the Abeast and very nearly dying in there without consulting with the party first. It happens!  Also, behaviorally, she’s just. I mean. She’s like that. The worst. And that, I promise, will never change. 

[rachiebird]

Got double-whammied by both @kaizoku-okubey and @frosty-tian, so ask meme under the cut.

@frosty-tian‘s version

1. If you have to be stuck in a certain fictional world for the rest of your life, which world would you choose?

Final Fantasy’s Ivalice. But specifically the Tactics A2 version. Idyllic countryside, strikingly beautiful scenery, a relatively peaceful existence for anyone who isn’t actively seeking out enemies to fight... Also very strong nostalgia power.

2. You can eliminate one task from your daily life (eg. doing the laundry, vacuum the floors, doing the dishes… ). Which one would you choose?

Dishes, maybe? Or - so long as it’s only my own dishes, I don’t really mind. Probably cleaning bird cages. 

3. Which fictional character you would NOT want to spend a whole day with?

All my fictional favs are scumbags lol. 

4. What are some of the weirdest quotes you have or had heard others say?

I’ve been on tumblr for 7 years. There’s no way I could possibly catalogue it all. 

5. If you had a theme song, what would it be?

Absolute Territory by Ken Ashcorp is my designated “focusing on work” song. But let’s go with an instrumental, just for the sake of keeping things sfw. 

6. Which position do you prefer, being the leader or a follower?

Either is good, so long as the parameters are defined. 

7. What are your Myers-Brigg personality type?

ESTJ, last time I checked. But that was several years ago, and I assume that it’s no longer accurate. 

8. Any animals in particular that makes you feel happy?

Small mousy-looking birds. Pigeons, finches, tits and wrens. The ones that most people tend to overlook for not being flashy enough. 

9. If there’s one series you could unwatch/wipe from your memory, which one would it be? Reason can be positive or negative.

Danganronpa V3. That’s a real franchise-ruiner, for sure. Or more like... everything after the second chapter? Just come up with a different ending. There might be a better answer, but that’s the best one I can come up with for now. 

10. What would you do if someone handed you a chicken?

Well, proper leg and body support is essential for comfortable chickens.

 @kaizoku-okubey​‘s version:

1. FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK?

If I say Monday, is that subversive and weird enough? Seriously though, I don’t really care. 

2. A HOBBY YOU GAVE UP ON, BUT REGRET DOING SO?

I used to do a fair amount of acting/backstage theater stuff. I don’t know whether I regret stopping, but it’s definitely a thing that used to be part of my life, but no longer is. 

3. DREAM PET?

No need for anything other than cats and society finches!

4. A FICTIONAL CHARACTER WHO WOULD ADMIRE YOU?

I don’t even know why non-fictional characters admire me! I mean, come on.

5. FAVORITE TYPE OF OUTFIT?

Skirts are the most triumphant comfort option. But jeans and a t-shirt with flannel is fine for everyday purposes. Comfy and low-effort, but still stylish in a way that I am told is now vaguely dated. 

6. A TROUPE THAT ANNOYS YOU, BUT ITS IN EVERYTHING.

The thing where two characters hate each other, but that means they’re in love. 

7. FOOD YOU LIKE TO EAT WHEN ITS RAINING?

Curry is a good food to eat at any time. 

8. THOUGHTS ON COSPLAY?

Very admirable! But too much effort for me nowadays.

9. LEAST FAVORITE FLAVOR TYPE(SPICY, SOUR, SWEET, ECT)

Sour, I’m thinking? 

10. SHOW/MOVIE YOU’VE BEEN MEANING TO WATCH, AND REALLY WANT TO. BUT YOU KEEP GETTING SIDETRACKED, OR FIND SOMETHING BETTER!

Jojos, maybe? But I’m still not sure whether or not I actually want to watch it. 

I’m a little short on other people to @, so this is where it dies - I guess. :(

[schoolingcorrin]

1. Name: Jason

2. Strange fact about yourself: I lost 4 of my permanent teeth by the age of 23.

3. Top 3 physical things you find attractive on a person: A good face is a must, nice looking legs, and good looking hair.

4. A food you could eat forever and not get bored of: There isn’t one? Like, I have a default meal at restaurants and fast food places (Chicken tenders/chicken fingers and fries.) but that’s not the same thing, I don’t think.

5. A food you hate: I’m a picky eater in general. Coleslaw is one of them though.

6. Guilty pleasure: My “guilty pleasures” are all related to porn so...

7. What do you sleep in: Whatever I wore that day. Usually jeans and a t-shirt.

8. Serious relationships or flings: Neither? I’ve only ever been in one serious relationship and have had no flings. Ideally I’d like to try a bit of both.

9. If you could go back in the past and change one thing about your life, what would it be: I’d want to avoid dumping my ex but at the same time I like my life as is and don’t want to risk changing it so I wouldn’t.

10. Are you an affectionate person: It depends on how you’re defining affectionate but in general, not really.

11. A movie you could watch over and over again: There aren’t any. I’m not a movie person in general and I don’t tend to rewatch things in general.

12. Favorite book: I don’t have one. I’m not the type to reread books so I’m always looking for something new to read.

13. You have the opportunity to keep any animal as a pet, what would you choose: As a teenager I wanted a wolf and while my immediate thought was to stick to that, I can’t say I really want a pet at all.

14. Top 5 fictional ships: I’m not much of a shipper but Harry/Hermione will forever be my preferred Harry Potter ship, I don’t care what canon says.

15. Pie or cake: Key Lime Pie is my favorite and Key Lime cake is good too. Otherwise? It depends on the flavor.

16. Favorite scent: I don’t have one? I have a hard time telling scents apart to be honest.

17. Celebrity Crush: I’m more likely to fall for fictional characters over celebrities. But I’m also a fan of tokusatsu and there are some beautiful women who act in that genre like Arisa Komiya. Same with seiyuu for anime like...Aqours as a whole. And then there’s K-Pop idols like Choi Yena. If we’re going more traditional, maybe Zendaya?

18. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go: Japan.

19. Introvert or Extrovert: Somewhere in the middle.

20. Do you scare easily: If it’s meant to be scary? Yes. Otherwise, it depends.

21. iPhone or Android: iPhone. I would never buy an Android.

22. What would you do with a million dollars: Pay off student loans and then spend the rest on luxuries. Maybe invest some but not much.

23. Do you play any video games: This is a Fire Emblem group so the answer to that is obvious.

24. Dream job: Ideally I’d never work at all but if I had to a writer or just any job that lets me live comfortably, that doesn’t cut into my personal time too much, and that isn’t too difficulty or boring.

25. Fictional characters you hate: Most villains and unlikable protagonist. 

26. Fandom that you were once a part of but aren’t any longer: This group and a few other roleplays are the most involved I’ve ever been with fandom. I don’t involve myself with fandoms, just small groups of fans.

[markteare]

Fallout 4: Nuka-World DLC

Nuka-World trailer featuring DLC cover art by John Gravato.

It has been a while since I have had the time to post and I wanted to get something up about Nuka-World. Rather than hit all of the details in a bunch of smaller Nuka-World posts I decided I would cover as much as I could in one overview post. While re-watching the trailer recently, I was reminded of just how many different aspects of that DLC I got to work on as the art lead. Highlighting my work from the trailer felt like a good way to run through my efforts, so take a look at the trailer linked above and then read on below.

Nuka-World screenshot I created for marketing.

My general responsibilities began with creating the pitch for the DLC. The two design leads, Justin Schram and Alan Nanes, and I started developing a series of ideas for the DLC. After one false start, we came in with a stack of new ideas as one-sheets and started the pitch meeting with what was then called “Raiders and Rides” as a working title. Todd accepted it before even hearing the other ones. I was very happy about this as it was my favorite pitch of the group.

Nuka-World screenshot I created for marketing.

As the art lead for the project I was responsible for overseeing all things art-related; art direction, pipeline, etc. Since this was a DLC for Fallout 4, much of the core art direction was established by Istvan Pele, the art director on the base game. My job for the DLC was to create a reason for players to want to come back to the game for more. I also wanted to test some of my ideas for improvements to the pipelines and the smaller scale of a DLC was a great place for that. More than anything I wanted to use my additional influence on the DLC to give the players loads of memorable fun and value for their money.

My Nuka-World key art based on the original Fallout 4 key art.

One of the first things I did once the plan was greenlit was to create the key art. I used it in all of my slides for internal and external presentations and to set the initial tone and pillars of the DLC for the team. More detailed post on the key art here.

My original Bottle & Cappy slide art turned into Nuka-World coffee mug art.

A key contrast built into the DLC from the start was the mix of horrible, violent, raider gangs with the fun, lighthearted, theme park. To add that contrast into my slides I created a closing slide featuring who I imagined the park mascots to be. Bottle & Cappy were born as a way to incorporate a fun note as my closing slide. As the DLC progressed it became clear we needed to use them in the park and then in the marketing. Post DLC they have joined the permanent Fallout lore in other titles and in merchandising.

Nuka-World screenshot I created for marketing.

As the first artist on the project, I started by sketching key broad strokes of the DLC into the engine to guide the art team toward my vision. I added in the first-pass landscape and weather to get the environment feeling like I wanted. Then I started blocking in key landmarks of the park in grey boxed art to get the layout started. I added sub leads for the park environment art (Jason Muck) and the landscape (Andrew Barron). To help build enough new geometry to fill the park, I prototyped some park assets using the color remapping I developed for the base game. This workflow would allow faster park asset creation allowing us to build a larger environment with a smaller team.

Nuka-World screenshot I created for marketing. 

Once the environment team was going I shifted focus to characters, creatures, and weapons. I knew they going to take much more hands-on work from me duse to the small team size. We had one character artist (Charles Kim) and one weapon artist (Dane Olds) in house. Concept art and the bulk of the non-environment art was planned to be outsourced. Raiders were the main focus for the DLC and I knew they would take up the majority of the resources. Inspite of that limitation I also wanted to get the players as many new creatures as I could. I came up with a list of easy but dramatic creature ideas to test to maximize reuse but feel new to the player. I did fast "proof of concept" tests for each idea to determine which ideas would work in-game. I repeated this same pattern to fill out the weapon list with cheap and fun additions at a minimal cost.

Nuka-World screenshot I created for marketing.

The raider gangs were the main feature of the DLC but due to the volume of work they required, and our lack of staff in those departments, the decision was made to outsource all of the raider concepts and the models. I knew outsourcing the concepts was going to be tricky since the outsourcing group was in China but I had no other option. I supplied lots of ref and photo bashed some quick collages to get something for them to start with besides a written description. This method yielded a few good designs but nothing good enough to move forward with alone. Luckily for me, John Gravato (concept artist) stepped up and took on wrangling some of the design revisions and additions in his spare time. Ray Leder (concept artist) also knocked out a few additional helmet designs. Leveraging their stellar support and iterating with the team in China I was able to arrive at the armor sets that defined the three raider gangs and could combine for massive variety for the player.

My trailer directorial debut: the Nuka-World E3 teaser.

For this DLC, in particular, Todd's plan for us was to market it like a full game. This meant we would work with marketing on screens, a teaser, a trailer, a theme song, a Bottle & Cappy trailer (similar to the SPECIAL videos for the base game), and a physical park map. The Bottle & Cappy trailer was handled by an outside vendor which took most of the load off of us except for lite direction and feedback. The rest was up to myself and a handful of people on the team. Animator Neal Thibodeaux did a lot of the heavy lifting on both the teaser and the trailer which were both made in the engine. Artist Natalia Smirnova created the logos and artwork for the map and we worked very hard to make it accurate to the park and have that authentic theme park map feel. Not only were we going to use it to guide people around the park in-game, we were also putting a physical version in Game Stop as a preorder bonus.

Bottle & Cappy trailer.

Nuka-World park map pre-order bonus.

One of the things that got me the leadership role on the DLC was my history of adding all kinds of content to the game in addition to my role as a VFX artist. I don't like it when a good idea dies from a lack of resource time. Over the years I have learned all of the workflows in our engine to find clever ways to make my ideas come to life without additional help. This often includes sourcing existing art for kitbashing new work from in order to save time. Unfortunately, this is the kind of work that has often proven hard to teach and or delegate. Having the lead role allowed me to incorporate it more than ever before into our pipelines, but throughout the DLC I still had to do a lot of the work myself.

Below is a breakdown of all of my work in the trailer which turns out to be a good cross-section of all of the additional things I did on the DLC.

00:02 Direction and feedback for outsourced Bottle & Cappy video.

00:15 Unique models and editor setup for Nukatron. Flipbook port of B&C video for in-game Nukatron and Nuka-Cola machines.

00:20 Water VFX for the landscape. Art direction for the five themed areas of the park.

00:23 Ported mannequin models to animatronics and animated them. Created all Nuka-World mannequin outfits as texture swaps or new meshes.

00:24 Set dressed and captured trailer footage in-game.

00:26 Developed efficient color remapping pipeline (CRP) for the fast creation of park assets. I built fake western mountain rocks for themed park area.

00:28 Created a quantum variant for all 6 Mirelurk creature types. Created the water and VFX for the Quantum river.

00:30 Concepted and built the armor for Porter Gage the main companion for the DLC. Modeled and posed Bottle& Cappy park sculptures (using CRP). Built the Fizztop Mountain asset for the main landmark for the park (using CRP).

00:40 Technical assistance on execution of the intro train ride.

00:42 Created park color guide and prototype weathers for DLC color direction.

00:43 Concepted and built Nuka bottle Protectron (using CRP). 

00:45 Art direction for park map and then execution of in-game navigation via map kiosks.

00:48 Created all of the painted feral ghoul DLC variants.

00:51 Created the Gatorclaw death claw variant model. Created a Nuka-World specific lunch box player prize system from my lunch box system in the base game.

00:52 Created the Brhamaliff models. Planned a high-level melee tree with art assets to supplement a limitation of the base game.

00:56 Created the unique robot meshes for Nuka Spray Mr. Handy

00:57 Designed the damage structure for weaponized Nuka-Cola flavors.

00:58 Created all of the western clothing meshes.

01:00 Prototyped the original sandworm concept in-game to test viability. Created the Sandworm VFX. Trained the character artist in kitbash modeling to add Acid Soaker. Created all of the VFX for the acid soaker.

01:03 Art directed the raider factions. Designed all clothing as armor/under armor for maximum mix and match. Cleaned up all outsourced outfit meshes for maximum compatibility within the armor system.

01:04 Created all texture variants for raider underclothes. Brought the slave collar from Fallout 3 and rebuilt for Nuka-World with power on/off functionality.

01:07 Added motion to some Bottle & Cappy statues.

01:09 Designed trash pile loot system to add the feel of overflowing trash at a theme park and add a new loot system to the park.

01:13 Concept and design for paddleball weapons and mods. (see other post)

01:18 Art direction for raider gangs.

01:19 Ported alien mesh to animatronic enemy for the park. Revised the Fallout 3 alien blaster as playable weapon (not shipped).

01:20 Built the Overboss bumper car power armor. Worked with design to create the plan for the opening boss fight with squirt gun mechanic (see other post). Built all of the electric VFX for the boss fight.

01:21 Original concept for spider cricket hopper enemy.

01:17 Tuxedo mesh for Kiddie Kingdom boss ghoul.

01:23 Flying swarm as a single enemy proof of concept. All ant variant meshes.

01:28 Shot this shot setup and set dressing for the teaser.

01:33 Original Bottle & Cappy idea and concept painting.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

multiples of 4

sweet thank you..

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

probably like “pleasure to have in class” and that kind of thing....like, i pretty much just read and kept to myself

8. movies or tv shows?

usually movies ig..

12. name of your favorite playlist?

i don’t really make/use playlists lol it’s absolute chaos

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

god i wish i knew. sometimes it’s criss-cross applesauce and sometimes i’m like i Must stretch my legs

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

definitely anything with a keyboard......but writing By Hand is like, worst case scenario. i’ll take a phone or typewriter or semaphore over that

24. favorite crystal?

uhh shit idk.....some quartz is fine, that comes in like, geode-y form and sparkly form and stuff like that, right

28. five songs to describe you?

lmfao i am neverrrrr going to get this answered if i actually tried so i’m not even gonna make that attempt

32. top five favorite vines?

omg that’s difficult i have like. so many faves but i’ll go with the first ones that come to mind

that only valid “baby it’s cold outside” with the filter and BABY IT’S CO -

speaking of The Filter that “how do you know what’s good for me” one

aw fuck i can’t believe you’ve done this

that dialogue-less one with the kid scribbling hard with a handful of crayons and pausing to give this like, absolutely nefarious look before continuing

AAA stoppp i couldve dropped my croissant

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

lmao i have no idea but i first started being consistently online in 2008. that inception meme was big, and prancing cera was a thing. Advice Memes and earnest rage comics were also pretty prevalent. what a time

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

well during college one time my roommate who had been making the instant “add water, microwave, stir in packet” macaronis for literally 3 or 4 yrs at that point started microwaving one without having added water and it set off the fire alarm in the middle of like january and everyone in the dorm had to go outside. generously calling that weird

44. favorite scent for soap?

i like citrus smells

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

i haven’t thought much about what personified traits i read into fruits but if i had to be a fruit of course i’d want to be a mango....

52. favorite font?

i used to default to goudy old style or whatever it’s called. or baskerville old face. nowadays who knows

56. favorite tradition?

i rly have no answer for this lol

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

i’ve literally seen Two anime series, i’m not equipped to answer

64. favorite website from your childhood?

idk i wasn’t Often Online till 14 and would mainly use the pc for Gamin prior to that...there was no standout childhood-defining site for me and that’s why i don’t know much of any basic coding

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

alcohol is taste bad

72. worst subject?

taking public speaking where it’s 25 other people who hate to be there

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

fries....latkes.....mash potato if its Soft......nowadays i just pitch one in a microwave and add seasoning / butter if i’m fancy

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

i’m not really big on Deep colors like that, jewel tones i guess

84. podcasts or talk radio?

podcasts

88. your greatest wish?

i just say some depressing shit here lmao

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

lamps

96. desktop background?

hmm i haven’t changed it in forever but it’s a city skyline at the bottom and the rest is the sky and it’s a lot of purples

[moonlightobrien]

The Worst Day - Stallison {THG}

Word Count; 4184

Warnings: swearing, semi violence (I guess.)

Characters: allison argent/stiles stilinski.

Authors Note: ohmygod! i finally finally finished the first chapter, it took me the entire day to finish this chapter. One day, and 9 hours to be exact haha. This chapter/series is dedicated to @obrjens, @mischiefandi, and every stallison stans that are out there. I’m beyond happy that this is finally written and planned out. More chapters are coming, I don’t know when the next chapter will be since I am busy with work, and editing. But, I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and get some stallison feels while you are at it! 

Allison’s POV

District 15.

The district of landscaping, where my people including my sister, my mom and I have to work our asses off to even get some food in our systems. Panem is divided into 15 districts, I’ve heard stories of District 13 being the ‘unknown district’ but I’ve never fully went in depth with these stories. Sometimes, I would cross over to District 14 to see different scenery instead of my own. But, today was a different day for me and the rest of the districts. It was hunger games day, the worst day of every year, where one tribute from each district is chosen to be in the hunger games until one is standing, hearing about the fallen tributes makes me sick to my stomach, my heart aches for the fallen tributes and their parents. No one deserves to be living like this, how can anyone live like this. Thinking about the hunger games, and how close the bell for the tributes to go to the Hall of Justice building terrifies me. Especially, for my family.

Caesar Fickerman, and the gamemaster himself Seneca Crane was doing a interview on how he was going to corrupt this year Hunger Games, and how this year is going to be different than the last games. “I think it’s our tradition, it comes out of a particularity painful part of our history,”

“Yes,” Caesar agreed. “But, it’s been a way we’ve been able to heal, at first it was a reminder of the rebellion, it was a price of the districts had to pay, but I think it has grown all from that, netting us all together.”

“This is your third year’s game, what defines your personal situation?”

“NO, NO,” Nicole screamed in horror, her body wrapped into my chest, and arms. “It’s okay, you were dreaming, you were dreaming,” I tried to calm her down, as I can feel her heart increase rapidly, “It was me,” Her soft cries breaks my heart, “I know, there are so many names in there, Nicole, they are not going to pick you.” Nicole whispers in my ear, which I already know what she wants me to do. Our father died in a mining accident, but when I was younger, he would sing me this song that stuck in my memory forever, I deeply deeply miss him. “Deep in the meadow, under the willow, a bed of grass as soft green pillow.” Nicole and I both sang in unison.

“You remember that song, you finish it for me. I have to go.”

“Where?” Nicole curiously asked, “I just have to go, but I will be back. Love you.” I walked downstairs, wrapping my jacket around my shoulders as I can hear the cat hissing at me that Nicole found, “I still cook you,” Then, I left. My legs starts to pick up some speed, as my amber eyes starts looking around the scenery, the people, how we have to live like we are slaves. Other districts thinks this is a paradise since we are the district of landscaping, but this is definitely not paradise. My body went under the barbed wire as my feet took me to my favorite place; the woods. The woods is the most peaceful place where I can escape my thoughts about the horrifying hunger games. 

I grab my bow and arrow, searching for something eatable for my family to have for dinner. I spot a deer five miles away from me, I began to pull my arrow towards my cheek, aiming correctly to shoot until the deer figured out what I was about to do, and sprint away. My feet started to follow his movements really quickly, I start to ravel some leaves in my palms crunching them letting the crumbled leaves flow in the wind, as well as grabbing a small rock popping it off my bow making the deer flee, I start to follow the deer again, this time, I got a really good aim on it; I start to pull my arrow back. “What are you going to do with that when you kill it?” Shit, I missed. “Damn you, Kira. It’s not funny.” Kira and I have been best friends since childhood, our mothers knew each other back when things in Panem was normal. “What are you going to do with a 100 pound deer, Alls.” Kira laughed. “I was going to sell it to a Peacemaker, and at least get some money out of it, since this place can’t even afford a dime to get some food in our stomachs.” The thought of food made her stomach growl begging for something to eat. “I wouldn’t sell anything to those assholes, especially since the games are coming up,” I roll my eyes, but at the same time Kira is right about those peacekeepers being assholes, our president is a evil, cruel son of a bitch. “Like, you don’t sell to any peacekeepers,” My eyes scan to Kira’s bag seeing that she had her kitsune sword, instead of her bow and arrow that gave her for her 16th birthday, I wish that Panem was back to the way it was before, yet I realized that it was never normal, it was always the same. “No, not today, did I mentioned that the hunger games were today.” I chuckled, “Well, it was the first deer I saw in a year, at least I would’ve had something for dinner, but someone had to ruin my plans.”

“You’re welcome,” A smirk slowly started to appear on her face, she grabbed a rock throwing it in the air, birds started to scatter flying upward, I start to pull my arrow near my cheek realising my arrow quickly hitting one of the birds, and laughed. “Let’s go to our favorite spot,” Kira spoked, giving me a smile. Kira and I start walking towards our favorite spot where it was a view of the mountains, Kira spotted it when we were eight years old, sometimes I would go there at night just to clear my head from everything, mostly my thoughts; how my thoughts can take over me, making me terrified of what the outcomes will be. “What if they stopped watching? It’s disgusting, watching and rooting for our favorite tributes; I can only imagine what their parents feel, seeing their kids in that area. Absolutely, cruel.”

“They won’t, Kira. You know how our president is. A absolute shithead. Sometimes, I wonder if or when our lives will be back to ours, instead of being in the hands of someone who doesn’t give a fuck about us,” Kira can hear the anger in my voice, she knows how much I hate the Capital, how much I want to destroy everyone, and everything in that place including the President. “We could do it, you know? Take off in the mountains, go somewhere else where we don’t have to deal with any of this.”

“They’re catch us, cut off our tongues, make us sit on electric chairs, or worse. I can’t even think of worse. We wouldn’t even make it five miles from here.” Kira ignored that comment, she was always the hopeful one, which I’m glad that I have as a best friend, I need some hope in my life. “No, we will get five miles, I will go that way.” She points near the mountains view, my brain actually started to put that into consideration, but it was a long shot, very impossible. “I have Nicole, and you have your sisters.”

“They can come with us,” Kira replied. “Nicole in the woods?” I replied back with sarcasm in my voice. “You’re probably right, oh my god. I almost forget,” She pulls out a little loaf of bread, my stomach instantly begged for it, “Oh my god, is this real?” My fingers immediately grabs it, I put it up to my nostrils smelling that delicious flavor of yeast and dough, it smelled so good. “It better be, it cost me a squirrel.” I ripped off a piece for her, so we can both savor it; most of the time, it’s either hunting or no food for the day which is usually the case, those are the worst days; even the littlest bits of food is worth it. “Happy Hunger Games,” Kira mocked, “And, may the odds be in your favor,” We love mocking the Capital, at least it will give us some laughter; Panem is very depressing, so a little bit of laughter makes me somewhat happier than I was before. “How many times is your name been drawn?” I asked, praying to god that it is none. “35, I guess the odds are not in my favor,” I look at her with saddened eyes, Kira is like a sister to me, and the thought of her entering the area makes my heart drop into my stomach, I can’t bear to lose another person in my life. Especially, her. “I better get going, Nicole is waiting on me, and I have to get ready for the Reaping, see you there.”

“See you there.”

The Reaping; where all the tributes from their districts all sign in, and get lined up in front of the Hall of Justice to see if their name was drawn to be forced into the Hunger Games. Some of the kids that I went to school with died in that area, and some survived. More died than others survived. It devastates me seeing little kids like Nicole’s age go into something so real, and so dangerous without proper skill training, the anger I feel everytime I see our president, it boils me to the core, makes me feel like I am on fire, and it’s scorching high nonstop. Before, I go home, I decided to go over to the Black Market to trade off something for a bag of marbles, we don’t really have that many toys or items to keep us occupied, “Here you go, girl.” My eyes scan over to this golden pin that is so beautiful, “What’s this?” I questioned. “It’s a mockingjay pin,”

“How much?”

“You keep it,” Usually, I have to buy or sometimes, beg for items for my family, which sucks but I have to do it in order to survive, “Thank you,” Then, I left heading back home.

“Mom?” Nicole always felt like our mom didn’t pay enough attention to her, it was only me. She turns around facing Nicole, “Oh, look at you. You look beautiful, better tuck in that tail, little duck.” Nicole smiled at my complaint, but I know she still feels like a outcast ever since Dad died. “I fix something for you too,” My mother spoked, her voice was breaking; she is still grieving my father, “Okay,” I replied back with a smile towards Nicole, going upstairs to take a quick bath.

I start scrubbing my toes feeling the hot water on my skin making me warm since there were months where we didn’t get any heat, and we rely on blankets to keep us from frostbite. I lift the bucket dumping the water on my face, making me wake up; focused on what is about to happen. Preparing me for the consequences and the fear of everything that is about to come. I step out of the bath bucket, walking over to my room seeing a light blue dress on my bed. My fingers eagerly grabs the dress pulling it over my body, looking at myself in the mirror until my mother comes in, putting my hair into a long braid, “Now, you look beautiful too.”

“I wish I looked like you,” Nicole said from behind, my mom had this hurt look on her face, she knows that it kills her seeing Nicole being very insecure, “Aw, no. I wish I was like you, little duck.” Then, the most terrifying sound that rattles my ears was the bell, Nicole knew what that meant. “Hey, do I want to see what I got you today?” I show her a golden pin with a bird on it, it was absolutely gorgeous in her eyes, and she smiled brightly. “It’s a mockingjay pin to protect you, as long as you hold on to it, nothing bad will ever happened to you.” I instantly pull her into a hug, our bodies colliding into each other, I can feel tears welling up into my eyes, this is the last time I’m going to see her, I have no idea what is going to happen, but I have to be strong, I have to be brave, even though right now I am scared to death.

It’s time, all of the families hug their children for the last time if they ever going to see them again; all the girls and boys hold hands with their sisters and brothers heading over to Hall of Justice, Nicole, my mother, and I started to head over there until my sister startled with fear as she sees peacekeepers, and a line of girls and boys being signed in. I tried to calm her down, “It’s okay, Nicole. It’s time to sign in, they are just going to take a little bit of blood,”

“You didn’t say-”

“I know, it doesn’t hurt much.” I put my hand on her cheeks as I see the tears flowing down her face, she was so scared, I hate it when she is in pain or scared out of her mind, it makes my heart crumble, she doesn’t deserve this; she is only a child. “Go over to the little kids section, and I will meet you there alright.”

“Next, next.” Nicole finally budge giving the peacekeeper her finger, she startled out of the shock, placing her fingerprint on the paper as the peacekeeper sees that it was actually her on the screen with green letters highlighted. It was my turn, but I was more concerned about Nicole, it did stung a little, and then the peacekeeper left me through. My amber honey eyes started to look around for Nicole, but I couldn’t find her until I see Josh who was my long time childhood friend, we haven’t seen each other in forever until now. “You okay?” He mouthed.

I nodded.

“Welcome, welcome, welcome. Happy Hunger Games, and may the odds be ever in your favor, now before we began, we have a very special film brought to you all the way from the Capital.” Yeah, what a wonderful special film, thanks Capital. “War, terrible war.” Josh mouthed, I chuckled. “War, terrible war, with those orphan and motherless child. This was the uprising that brought us our land, the country that fed them, protected them. Then came the peace, hard fought, soley won; the people rose up from the ashes and a new era was born. The freedom has a cost, and the traitors were defeated. Peace, War as a nation, we would never know this treason again, and so it was decreed that each year, the various districts of Panem would offer up in tribute. One young man and woman to fight to the death,” Anger raising up in my bones, it was a wildfire inside of me, a monster that wanted to be uncaged from hearing the President’s voice, my eyes looked all around to see all the kids looking up at the screen from this cruel so called special film, “And, it peg you to honor, courage and sacrifice- the lone victor will bathe in riches, will serve as our reminder of our generosity, and our forgiveness. This is how we remember our past, this is how we safeguard our future.”

“I just love that,” She cheerly smiles, “Now, the time has come to select one courageous young man and woman for the honor of representing District 15 in the 78th Hunger Games, as usual, ladies first.” Effie goes over to the left bowl twirling her hand, grabbing the slip of paper, she starts unfolding it, “Nicole Argent,” She was so scared when she heard her name. No, no no. This is a nightmare, wake up, Allison. Wake up. “Where are you?” The kids start to make a pathway for her to come forward, she tucks in her little tail. “Well, come on up. Come on up.”

“Nicole, nicole.” The peacekeepers tried to hold me down, but I was fighting back; I’m not letting my sister enter the area, “No, I VOLUNTEER, I VOLUNTEER,” I pushed the peacekeepers away from me looking up straight at them, “I volunteer as tribute!” I shouted. I just couldn’t bear the thought of Nicole entering that area. “I believe we have a volunteer, um Mr.Mayor?” I immediately wrap my arms around Nicole’s body, “Nicole, you need to get out of here.”

“No! No! No!” She started shouting, “Go find Mom,” My voice was shaky, “No!”

“Nicole, go find Mom,” Tears started to flow down my eyes, “No!” She wouldn’t let go, but I had to do this, “I’m so sorry,” Josh came scooping Nicole into his arms, as I can hear the screams from Nicole, I wiped the tears away trying to be strong. “This isn’t me,” I spoked, confidently. The peacekeepers started to take me up to the stage, as my mind started to race, and my heart beating very fast as I realise that right now, my life is on my line, and if I die, it was for my district. “In mad of turn of events here on District 15, yes well, District 15 very first volunteer.”

I made it up towards the stage, I’m scared to death right now, my hands won’t stop shaking. My heart is beating really fast like I am having a panic attack, oxygen levels are increasing rapidly as the walls start to close in on me, like I can’t even breathe. I was drowning. “Come on, dear.”

“What’s your name?” She asked, pulling the microphone towards me, “Allison Argent.”

“I bet my hat that was your sister, wasn’t it?”

“Yes,” My voice sounded crushed, my life is now in their hands, and that’s the most terrifying thing ever. “Let’s give a big hand to our first volunteer, Allison Argent.” It was only silence until hands with three fingers started to rise up, which means togetherness. A tear flowed down my cheek seeing how strong our district really is. “And, now for the boys.” Effie walks over to the right bowl instantly grabbing a slip of paper for the boys section, she starts unfolding it. Don’t call Josh, please don’t say his name. “Stiles Stilinski.” My eyes instantly lit up remembering that name, the peacekeepers start to bring him up to the stage, “Here we are, our tributes from District 15, well go on you two shake hands.” I look at his golden amber eyes like mine remembering that day where it was the first feeding in months.

[ FLASHBACK }

I was starving so much, there was no food in days; my body was giving up on me slowly, it was raining outside, my back against the tree as I look over at the bakery where Stiles and his mom owned, he comes out about to feed the pigs, until his mother comes out giving him a slap on the face for disobeying her; she leaves as Stiles throws a piece of bread to the pig, then he looks at me, seeing how I was on the verge of dying because of how incredibly hungry I was. He then looks back to make sure his mother doesn’t see, then throws the burned loaf of bread out into the rain.

Then, Stiles and I hands intertwined with eachother as I felt a little spark between us, I brushed it off, I can’t think about my feelings right now; all I can think about is how I’m going to survive this year’s hunger games. “Happy Hunger Games, and may be the odds be ever in your favor.” Then, the peacekeepers took Stiles and I inside of the building, my eyes started to look around seeing everything fastly, until one of the peacekeeper places me into a room, I look back at Stiles until the peacekeeper shuts the door, and I wait for my family. I look out at the window, trying to come up with a way to survive, but every obstacle or possible outcome is to kill people, the other districts, which I can’t be. I can’t be a killer. What would Nicole think of me then. I won’t be the same person I am to her. How am I going to survive this. I start pacing back and forth until I hear footsteps coming towards the door, “You have three minutes,” Nicole instantly hugged me, crying her eyes out. “Ssh, you are going to be okay, I don’t have enough time. Nicole, listen to me, don’t take any extra money for food. That doesn't worth putting your name more times. Nicole, listen to me, Josh will bring you game, he stuck cheese from your goat.”

“Just try to win as best as you can,” Her voice was shaky, as tears went down her cheeks making my heart break into pieces. “Maybe, I can. I am smart you know?”

“You can hunt.”

“Exactly,” It was hard seeing her like this, but I will protect her with my life even if I have to risk my own life, “To protect you.” She hands me the mockingjay pin, I tried to fight back the tears, I can’t be weak. I have to be strong for Nicole. “Thank you.” I tug her into one last hug giving her a kiss on her forehead, I then look over at my mother walking towards her. “You can’t shut off again.”

“I won’t.” As much as I want to believe her, I can’t risk it. She is the only person for Nicole, and when she shut down, it was frustrating yet devastating seeing her like that. “No, you can’t. I won’t be here for her, and no matter what, you have to be there for her, you understand?”

“Don’t cry,” I instantly wrapped my arms around her neck pulling her into a hug since this is the last time we are going to see each other.Tears started to form in my eyes, stop crying Allison; this isn’t you. “Don’t cry, don’t.” My voice sounded like I was going to break, but I just can’t. “It’s time,” The peacekeepers started to pull Nicole away from me, “It’s okay, Nicole.” She wouldn’t let go of my side, “No!” but the Peacekeepers pulled her off of me, “I promise, Nicole.” Then, the door was slammed shut, I slowly walked up to it, giving it a tug to open it then close. I tried to open it again, but it wouldn’t shut until Josh and Kira comes in. They both pull me in for a group hug, I can hear the soft cries from Kira, I pull away from them. “I’m fine,” In reality, I wasn’t. “I know, listen to me; you are stronger than this, you are. Get to a bow.”

“They might not one,” I was so scared, this is actually happening to me. I’ve never thought that this will happen to me, but it is. “It doesn’t matter, Allison. They just want a good show, that’s all they want; if they don’t have one, you make one.” Kira added. “They’re not animals, we are actually talking about actual humans,”

“They are no different, Allison.” How can Josh say that, I can’t do this. I can’t actually kill these human beings, I’m not like this. “There are only 24 of us, only one survives.” I started to shake filled with panic, and fear in my eyes. “It’s going to be you, Alls.” Kira hugged me really quick until the peacekeepers came in; I quickly hugged them both then the peacekeepers finally took them away from me, shutting the door in front of me. Couple of minutes, the peacekeepers takes Stiles and I towards the truck, Effie started to talk to both of us- neither of us weren’t paying attention as my thoughts started to come together on how I’m going to kill these people, and once again; survive. I shouldn’t be thinking about how to kill these people, because I don’t know if I can; my fingers started to shake again. “Allison, are you okay?” Stiles looked over seeing my shaky hands, very concerned, Effie looks over at them as well, “Are you okay, dear?”

“I’m fine,” That’s what my outside is telling you, inside; I am absolutely terrified, and I don’t think I will ever stop being terrified. We got to the tributes train, as the door opens - my eyes were so shocked seeing all of these delicious foods in front of me. I’ve never seen so many delicious foods in front of me before. The three of us all walk in, and my eyes started to scan all around taking everything all at once. This is it.

It’s finally happening.

I’m in the hunger games.