#but holy moly i am ready to have my life back

[diaryujin]

𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍

summary: Sunghoon has never felt any spark in his heart, none of that silly love he’s read about in novels in his free time. No one interested him, and it wasn’t like his father, the king, would let him have friends, male or female, for fear of being betrayed or developing feelings for them. He lived a life of isolation, excited for nothing – neither the idea of being married to a pretty princess nor becoming the next ruler of the Park kingdom. He most certainly did not expect you, his new guard, to change all that. He did not expect you to brighten his days and light up his heart.

includes: death, murder, war/battle, attempted murder (kinda), breaking in, royal au, romanticized medieval setting of sorts, forced marriage/proposal, a lot of time skips so it moves somewhat quickly, brief mention of a toxic ex, death by illness, joking mention of jumping off a balcony, blood, wounds, denial of death kinda, graves, lmk if i missed anything!

genre: angst

pairing: prince! sunghoon x guard! fem! reader

word count: 8.1k (woah)

taglist: @kflixnet @kpopslays @jvjsssnaa a/n: it’s finally here! i sacrificed sleep for this and i do not regret it at all. this fic has two milestones for me - being my longest fic + a fic i’m kinda proud of. i hope you all enjoy it as much as i did writing it <3

PLEASE REBLOG/COMMENT IF YOU ENJOYED THIS FIC 🫶

Sunghoon was reading over some papers pertaining to the kingdom’s matters when he heard a knock on the door.

“Enter.”

One of the guards came in, before bowing upon seeing him.

“Sire, his Majesty wishes to see you.”

He nodded and set the papers in a neat stack. He then put them in a drawer and locked it for security. He then stood up and followed the guard, maintaining a neutral expression.

His mind was working much faster than normal though.

His father was very strict, and the slightest mistake meant an extremely harsh lecture. He flicked through his memories, trying to remember what he could have done wrong, and what he should say as his apology. 

He pursed his lips as a thought crossed his mind - was his recent trip to the colder regions made known to his father? He had gone for administrative work, but he couldn’t resist spending some time there ice skating, which the king always considered useless since it benefited only the person skating, not the country. He had done his best to keep it under wraps, but maybe one of the guards reported this to the king. Damn it.

He mentally slapped himself for using such crude language. Those were the words of peasants and did not suit a prince like him. Holy moly…buckling barnacles, great heavens…such lengthy words to express frustration, he thought. ‘Damn it’ was only two syllables.

As he snapped out of his reverie, he entered the Throne Room. His father was seated on the grand throne at the end of the airy space. The seats where the ministers sat were empty. Court was always in the morning, and it was probably lunchtime by now - the prince wasn’t sure. 

He stood a few feet away from his father. The guard bowed and left, and Sunghoon made eye contact with the old man in front of him. He didn’t seem angry, so the younger relaxed a bit, letting out a sigh.

“Why have you called me here, father?”

“I’ve received some proposals from other kings. They’ve sent me paintings of their daughters. A lovely selection of princesses, I must say.”

Sunghoon had to physically hold himself back from rolling his eyes.

“Father, I’ve already told you this. I am not ready for marriage and I am not interested in this topic.”

“Yes, but it’s good to start early. Maybe you’ll change your mind after-”

“I’m sorry to interrupt you Father, but why have you actually summoned me?”

The king narrowed his eyes at his son but didn’t say anything more about the topic.

“Well, I’ve decided to get you a personal guard. There have been many threats of attacks on the palace, so it’s better to take this precaution.”

“Interesting. Will he be with me all the time or-”

“She.”

“What?”

“Your guard is a female.”

To say he was shocked was the understatement of the century. His father? Hiring a woman? As his bodyguard? What if he-

“Are you serious?” “Yes. She is very capable and I’m sure she will protect and serve you well. I trust you to keep your relationship with her strictly professional.”

It wasn’t like he knew how to have a non-professional relationship with anyone outside of his family anyway.

“Yes, Father. Will she be with me at all times?”

“Indeed she will, except for when you are sleeping. At that time, she will stand outside your door and guard you.” “What about her food and sleep?”

“That is not your concern.”

“But-”

“Silence!”

He immediately bowed his head slightly as a sign of remorse for stepping out of line. This was going to be interesting, he thought. He had little to no interaction with women outside of his mother and sister, and the small talk he made with princesses and duchesses of other kingdoms was always awkward. Now he was having someone of the opposite gender, a woman, watching over him nearly 24/7.

He slowed down his train of thought. Why was he thinking like a teenage boy ogling over a girl? He was the crown prince, he was better than that. It was going to be a new experience, that was all.

“May I meet her now?”

“Of course. She’s arriving as we speak.”

Just then, the door opened, and you entered, a male soldier on either side. Sunghoon’s mouth opened and closed like a fish, but nothing came out of it. 

He was having a cultural shock of sorts. All the women he had met were all dainty, graceful and poised - the epitome of perfection. You, on the other hand, had an air of authority about you — rough and firm. A few scars were on your face, probably from battle. You bowed the full 90 degrees, and he could only respond with a small nod.

Oh fuck, you were gorgeous.

And he used foul language again. Stupid Sunghoon, he reprimanded himself.

He didn’t take back what he said, however. Your beauty wasn’t the type written in books or sung in ballads, but it had to be known to the world, somehow. He was almost tempted to write one himself. 

Hold on, why was he thinking all this? His father had just told him to not think anything about you that crossed the lines of professional, and thinking about how pretty you were was not within those lines.

“This is your new personal guard, Y/N.”

You came over to him and bowed again, although at a smaller angle than before.

“N…Nice to meet you, Y-Y/N.”

Did he just stutter?!

“It is an honor, my prince. I swear to serve you to the best of my abilities.”

“I’m sure you will.”

He managed a small, formal smile, looking completely pleasant and unfazed.

Which he very much was not. He wanted to jump off the nearest balcony when you said ‘my prince’. He didn’t know why - you weren’t the only one who addressed him in that manner. You might’ve even learned it from someone in the palace, so why was he so hot and bothered with the way you said it?

“Your duties start today, guard.”

“Yes, your Majesty. I will not let you down.”

He was going crazy. You were just his new guard. Nothing less, nothing more. He would just have to rein in his thoughts and get it all together. Not a difficult task at all.

As you stood behind him as he walked through the kingdom’s streets a week later, he seemed to keep a little distance from you, which was unsafe. Anything could happen within a few meters.

“My prince, you must slow your pace.”

He turned his face to look at you as he stopped walking.

“Oh? Why is that?”

“There’s a gap between us, and anyone could attack you with that.”

“Ah. I see. In that case…you can walk next to me. Or something.”

You stood next to him now. He quickly looked at the fruits a vendor was selling, trying his best to avert his gaze so that you wouldn’t see his reddening cheeks. It was unknown to him as to why he was so flustered. You were only doing your job, and that was it.

“Our kingdom seems to produce good crops.”

“Indeed they do, my prince. The farmer and the cultivators work very hard. It always seems to go unnoticed for some damn reason, though.”

He heard the angry tone in your voice and the curse word you said. This seemed to be a sore topic for you. He was curious, so he decided to ask more.

“What do you suggest, then?”

“We export more crops so that they get more revenue and in turn, they get paid as well. Increase the demand.”

You shrugged before turning your attention to a little kid who was clinging to your leg. You leaned down and patted his head, smiling a bit. The kid laughed and ran away. Sunghoon watched this interaction with interest and it dawned upon him that you cared about the people and their welfare, like a good ruler. 

Wait, why was he thinking about you being a ruler? You were only a soldier, and with the hierarchy now, there wasn’t much chance you could become more.

It did make him wonder, however, what you would do if the people rebelled. He shook his head, not wanting to think so dark. Your suggestion was smart, though. It made more sense the more he pondered over it. He’d mention this to the old man and see what he’d say.

“Shall we move on, guard?”

You stood up properly before nodding.

“Yes, my prince. Apologies for slowing you down.”

He dismissed you with a wave of his hand.

“Nothing of the sort. Come, let’s go.”

You both continued your stroll and for some reason, his heart was beating very unnaturally. He only had this issue when he was agitated, but there was no reason for him to be scared now, so why was this happening?

It had only been two months since you became his personal guard, yet you were his closest and most trusted friend. He took all your ideas seriously and told them to the king who somehow accepted them, and called him ‘ingenious’ for supposedly coming up with them. He hated taking false credit, but he knew that he couldn’t tell his father that you were the mastermind of them all — he would then question Sunghoon as to why he was talking to them in the first place, which would lead to you being removed from your post and replaced with a boring male soldier. 

He didn’t want to lose you, not when he finally found a change in his monotonous life, someone to brighten his dull days, someone to call a friend, even though it was only known to the both of you and no one else. He couldn’t bear to have you gone.

He was sitting underneath a tree, looking up at the sky in the comfort of the gardens reserved for his family and visitors alone. His father never came here out of his own accord - he always considered it a waste of time. His mother was in her room, and her sister was in another kingdom discussing alliances. This was a moment very rare, just you and him, with no one to interrupt or catch you two slacking. 

You were sitting next to him, only a few inches away. The wind was blowing gently on his face. He closed his eyes and smiled, inhaling and exhaling deeply. Your presence next to him was oddly comforting. He opened his eyes again, turned his head, and looked at you, wanting to ask you something. 

“Guard, you know how I always give your suggestions to the king and how he always says ‘I’ did a good job thinking about them?”

Your face tightened the same way it did every time he took credit for your ideas in front of his father. He sighed.

“Yes, I do.”

“Well, I wanted to apologize for that.”

You tilted your head at him, clearly not understanding two things - why he was suddenly saying sorry, and how you doing that simple thing made him go insane. You took over him, body and soul. All he could think of when he tried to sleep was you. It was just two months. Two months, and he was already attached to you. He was convinced, however, that it wasn’t love or anything stupid like that. No, it was simply him forming a close connection to the first person who cared about him. Not everything was romantic affection. He had never tasted this emotion, obviously, but he’d say that he knew enough about it to confirm this wasn’t it.

“Why now, my prince? I’m sorry- I just didn’t expect you to, y’know…actually apologize. Never met a royal who’s done so. They’re all usually stuck-up snobs who think their shit is worth the entire kingdom.”

He snorted at that. It wasn’t like you were wrong, most of the royals he met were indeed very arrogant. He didn’t dare anything about it though, simply doing his best to not behave like them.

“It’s not right of me to take credit for something I don’t even have the brain for. I don’t mention your name for your security. If my father knew I was talking to you about matters like these, then…”

He made a motion of him cutting his own throat, complete with the sound effect. You grinned a bit, which was enough for him to be over the moon, but then you laughed. Not just a ‘teehee’ or a ‘haha’ - an actual, proper laugh. His heart swelled, maybe his jokes didn’t suck that much. Your laugh was indescribable. It was a delightful sound to listen to. It was short, but he wanted to hear it every day at least once for the rest of his life instead of those ballads that were sung in the court all the time. 

The way your eyes formed crescents, the way your face was half in the light and half in the shadow, the way the wind put an orange leaf in your hair like it was an accessory - it was making him sick in a good way. He rarely saw you smile, let alone laugh like this. He knew that you had to keep your expression serious all the time - all the soldiers had that training - and this was a proud moment for him to see you loosen up. He couldn’t help the small smile on his own face.

“My prince, is he really that harsh? I’m aware that he is super damn strict to us soldiers, but that’s expected since we have to be toughened up to protect the land.”

His smile faded before he shook his head in agreement.

“I’d say so. It’s for my good- I am the next in line, after all.”

“I don’t think forcing your child to have no friends is how you raise him to be king. He won’t know how to have proper social interactions.”

There you were again, hitting the mark accurately with your observation. He sucked at interacting with other people. Slowly, he was starting to dislike his father more. The faults he never saw in him earlier were becoming visible, the saint-like image he had of the king since childhood fading away. Was this meant to happen? He wasn’t sure.

“Right. I’m living proof.”

You shook your head in alarm.

“Oh shit- please don’t be offended by my idiotic statement, my prince…I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, really-”

He chuckled at how you were panicking and made a motion with his hand for you to calm down.

“It’s okay. I didn’t take it that way.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

He saw your body relax as he rested his head against the bark of the tree again. He gazed at the sky, eyes fixated on the clouds and the way they moved in the direction of the breeze. Two questions lingered in his mind, and his mouth suddenly blurted one out.

“Do you ever sleep?”

It was random, sure, but he had to know. He was concerned for you. He never saw you leave his side, except for when he was asleep, and he already knew what you did then. You were still staring at him, but he didn’t notice.

“I do. I’m a normal person, my prince, I can’t function without food and rest. That’s impossible.”

“When?”

You let out a slight laugh at his curiosity, and his heart started pounding faster again.

“You don’t notice, do you? That means I’m performing the stealth part of my job well. When you’re in the dining room or a meeting surrounded by the best soldiers. That’s when. I also don’t stand watch for you every night. I alternate with another guard.”

His mouth formed an ‘o’ shape in understanding. He didn’t notice it at all, which meant that either you were a master of stealth, as you said, or he was just blind. It was most likely the former since he had no doubt in your abilities.

“I see. I was very worried for you, honestly.”

“I’m honored that I was an object of your concern, my prince.”

He scoffed at your slightly surprised expression. 

“Of course, I would. You’re my personal guard, what reason is there for me to treat you inhumanly?”

That stupid fucking slip of his tongue.

Shit, he just cursed.

Damn it, again.

His tutor and family would go crazy if they could read his thoughts.

Of course he had to refer to you as his, like you were property. Of course he had to emphasize on that word as well. You were making him loosen up too much. It shouldn’t have happened, not at all. He couldn’t continue like this, what if he accidentally cursed in front of people? He would never be heard of again.

“I’d say I had expected that, but you’re different from other royals, so not really.”

“I understand. Also, you don’t have to call me ‘my prince’ when we’re alone. Just Sunghoon is enough.”

Your eyes widened in astonishment.

“My prince, I wouldn’t dare to-”

“Really guard. It’s fine.”

“But his Majesty-”

“He doesn’t have to know. Our secret.”

“If you say so…it’ll take me time to get used to calling you by your name, princ- I mean, Sunghoon.”

“Already getting there.”

“I guess so. In that case, you can call me by just my name. No need for ‘guard’.”

“Your wish is my command, Y/N.”

This was new. Not referring to someone by their title was disrespectful. He learned from a ripe young age that if he didn’t call someone by their title, he could end up with his head on a guillotine block in some places. Were you seriously making all his long years of education unravel? Silence fell upon the two of you before he spoke up again.

“What do you think love is like?”

You must’ve been taken aback, and he expected to see such an expression on your face. Instead, when he stole a glance at you, it was something else. Wistful? Longing? He couldn’t name it exactly.

“Books don’t give it justice. Neither do ballads. It’s…more than that.”

He was intrigued by your response. He raised an eyebrow, signalling you to continue.

“Oh? You’ve been in love before?”

You stared at him, a sad smile forming on your lips, a look flashing in your eyes. One of remorse, he recognized.

“Yeah. It was depressingly…beautiful.”

His chest tightened at your words for some reason.

“Heartbreak?”

“Kind of. We fought a lot…our personalities were very different. Then when we finally reconciled…he died. An illness took him away.”

Your eyes were filled with so much hurt, it almost made him cry. This was his first time seeing you emotional, vulnerable, and while he was honored that you trusted him enough to show you this side of yours, he wondered how much you were hiding away. All he wanted was to protect you so that you would never have to go through something as painful as that. He made a resolve to make sure that he was never the cause of the agony in your eyes.

“I’m so sorry that happened.”

“It’s fine. It was just- unexpected. It’s been a year anyway.”

“I hope this doesn’t bring back memories you buried, but…how would you describe love?”

You rested your chin on your palm, thinking for a bit.

“Love isn’t only about the physical signs. For me, love is always wanting to be by someone’s side, being so head over heels for them that even the littlest things like…I don’t know, something stupid, makes you remember them. It’s being their biggest supporter, but also telling them when they’re wrong. Love is wanting to keep them safe from all the bad in this world. It’s when even the simplest thing they do brightens your day, like a smile or a small act of kindness. Love is when you put their needs and wants above everything and everyone else. There’s obviously more, but that’s my personal experience.”

Holy moly. Sunghoon was in love.

He was in love. That emotion many desired to feel at least once. All his previous notions and confidence about it being platonic flew out the window. He very clearly did not learn enough about this feeling. He didn’t know whether he wanted to be happy that he could say he had loved once in his life, or scream in frustration that he fell for someone out of his league and not some princess who he was supposed to want like this.

God, he hated himself.

“Pri- Sunghoon, are you okay?”

Your voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He couldn’t let you know, he was a hundred percent sure that you didn’t feel the same. Plus, he was the prince, and if you both were caught, it would mean bad for him and catastrophic for you.

“I’m fine. Come, let’s go. We might get caught if we stay any longer.”

He stood up immediately. You were confused but followed his orders. What he said, you obeyed.

It had been eight months since you became his personal guard, and half a year since he realized that he was in love with you. He tried to distance himself, but one look or word from you and his resolve faltered. He was so deep in this pit, and he didn’t know whether he wanted to dig deeper or climb out. He wanted you to stay away and he also loved the way you destroyed every single one of the walls he built around himself subconsciously. 

He matured, and he was no longer the shy boy who didn’t know how to talk to someone of the opposite gender. He was a confident and charming crown prince now, the man of many’s dreams. You were the only one on his mind though. 

His father was now eager to get him married off, and he had to comply with his wishes, He was no longer the king who served the people anymore - he was corrupted, only thinking about power. Sunghoon did his best to undo the damage inflicted on the population, but the situation was getting tense, and he knew it. Rebels were raising their heads and it was his job to keep them in check. It was difficult, but you helped him through it.

Presently, he was sitting in the dining room with his family, the king, queen, princess, and officials of the Hwan kingdom. This was the proposal his father liked the most because the Hwan kingdom was rich in resources, and this alliance hidden as a marriage would give the Parks access to those coveted precious stones. He was hoping, however, that the other king would say no for some reason and he’d be free.

He had no interest in the princess, however. She was too boring for him. They had zero common likes, and the only thing they related to each other on was the struggles of being next in line. This was probably the worst match he had ever met. She seemed like she wanted this much less than he did. She was at least trying, he had to give her that.

You stood behind him on his right side. He so desperately wanted to turn around and see your reaction to all this. Your face had to have no expression now, obviously, but you both shared secret looks with each other in odd situations, and he was sure you’d find this amusing. The chatter across the table died down suddenly, and all the attention was on the two kings in the room.

“We’ve agreed on this marriage. Prince Sunghoon and Princess Hyeju are now betrothed!”

Sunghoon’s hands, which were tapping the table, stilled. He froze in shock, every voluntary muscle in his body stopping movement.

No, this couldn’t happen.

This was a nightmare, a terrible dream. He pinched his thigh underneath the table and ended up proving to his dismay that he was wrong.

This was the worst day of his life.

His father droned on about the details of the wedding. He tuned it all out. He tilted his head just a little to see your face and noticed that you were gripping your spear much tighter than necessary. You knew that he didn’t want this, not at all. Maybe you were angry on his behalf.

He couldn’t do anything about this, however. This was just his fate, and he resigned to it immediately. 

The meeting ended, and everyone, including Sunghoon, stood up and exited the room. You followed him as he went straight to the gardens to clear his head. His family would be occupied with entertaining the guests and making more plans, so it was just you and him. Again.

He sat in his usual spot underneath the same tree. He buried his face in his hands, frustrated. He heard the sound of you sitting down next to him, before feeling your hand lightly grip his shoulder.

“Hey, Sunghoon?”

“You don’t have to say anything. It’s fine.”

“I know how much you don’t want this. Trust me, I don’t want it either.”

The second sentence was uttered in a more quiet voice, and he moved his hands away from his face to look at you in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

Your lips formed a thin line, your body language making it clear that you were saying this with hesitation.

“I don’t want you to marry her.”

You removed your hand from his shoulder. You looked down at the grass, fresh and green from the new spring season.

“Why? I mean- other than me not wanting it personally, there’s no reason you should hate it…this is an amazing opportunity for the people and the kingdom! We will prosper-”

“Fuck the people and the kingdom- I want you, dumbass.”

His eyes widened, and his jaw dropped.

“What…do you mean.”

“I love you really badly. That’s what I mean.”

He couldn’t believe it. You, the very person he always desired desperately, his forbidden fruit, loved him back? Wanted him? This wasn’t real. He must’ve been knocked out after the marriage announcement and slipped into a pleasant dream.

“I don’t believe you.”

“You want me to prove it?”

“Yes.”

He didn’t know what to expect, but you grabbing his face and crashing your lips on his was the farthest from his vague idea of what might happen. 

It lasted for a few seconds before you pulled away suddenly. You noticed his dazed expression and started to panic.

“Shit, shouldn’t have done that, please don’t kill me, I-”

Your voice snapped him out of his haze before he placed his hand on your waist and pulled you in for another kiss. His hand tucked one strand of hair behind your ear and you melted into the action, calming down instantly. He was so gentle, so careful, he was holding you like you were a delicate object that was to be treated with utmost care at all times. When you both parted, his face wore a lovesick smile, his eyes sparkling like stars.

“I feel the same.”

“Yeah, it was obvious.”

He chuckled at your comment, before frowning. 

“You know this is dangerous, right? We shouldn’t be doing this.”

Your shoulders slumped at his words, knowing that he was completely correct.

“I do. I’m sorry for dragging you into this mess. I just didn’t…know how to tell you.”

He shook his head. To him, you could do no wrong. It was his fault. He should have gotten rid of you so that he could nip the blooming flower in his heart from the bud. He shouldn’t have been such a coward.

“I understand what you mean now. I don’t know how to stop it, though.”

“That’s…fine. Just knowing you feel the same is enough for me.”

It wasn’t. Neither for you, neither for him, and you both knew that. The fact that he couldn’t be yours and you couldn’t be his simply because of both of your duties was like a nasty, sharp torn ledged in the soft flesh of his heart. You and him were not meant to be. Your romance was only a fantasy, to be never fulfilled.

“Precisely. This is all it’ll ever be.”

It was night. He had one week until his wedding with the Hwan princess, and he was dreading it. Seeing your face became unbearable for him sometimes — you reminded him that he had everything a commoner could only dream of, but even the poorest of poor could love and he couldn’t. He was ready to throw his entire life away and disappear with you, but his fear of what would happen next to the country held him back. 

He stared out the window in his bedroom which gave him a perfect view of the private gardens. The place where it all started and ended. The moonlight shone on the trees and flowers, giving it a peaceful aura, different from the cheery one it had in the daytime. Even in the comfort of his silk night clothes and soft blankets, he was in a state of unrest. He wanted to run, wanted to be free, wanted, wanted, wanted. He lay down, resting his head on his pillow as he waited for sleep to find him while he closed his eyes. Thankfully, the night was kind to him, and he dozed off almost instantly.

Sunghoon was rudely woken up by you frantically shaking his figure, pleading with you to wake up. When he came to his senses, he heard alarms sounding in the palace and immediately understood that it was an emergency, although what might’ve exactly happened was beyond him.

“Y/N, Y/N, I’m up. What’s going on?”

He sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes and slapping his face for good measure.

“Rebels. Come, we need to run.”

The first word was enough for him to be fully alert. He foresaw them coming, so it wasn’t a big shocker for him. He put on his slippers and looked at you with determination. He was actually trying to mask his fear, but you didn’t need to know that. You grabbed his arm and ran out of the room. He was a bit startled at your speed at first, but quickly matched your pace. When you both reached a corridor, you slowed down, wanting to be careful of surprise attacks.

“Hide your face to the best of your ability. I’m not sure if they’ll recognize you in non-prince clothes, but it’s better to be safe. They’ll aim for me instead since I have the palace uniform.”

His chest tightened. You were ready to give up your life for his. He knew that was protocol for all soldiers - royals over their own lives. He knew, but you were different. He didn’t want you to die, he couldn’t imagine a life without you. You were his oxygen, he’d suffocate if you were gone.

Suddenly, he noticed a flash of light. He heard a whoosh and he saw the way your hair moved in the direction of the sound. He assumed it was a gust of air along with the lights of the palace shining weirdly, but then he looked at the wall in front of him and realized what it was - an arrow. It was embedded in said wall, and you had missed it by a hair’s breath. Literally. It had scratched your face, but other than that, you were fine.

You pulled him down to remain on the floor, before you stood up and ran to the rebel that shot it, your hands gripping your sword tight. You engaged in combat with her. She was rather buff, and even though she only had a bow and an arrow holder on her, she was slowly gaining ground in the fight. She was blocking your thrusts with her bow, catching your moves with its string. She landed a harsh blow on your chest, and he gritted his teeth seeing your sharp flinch. He had to do something and fast.

He crawl-walked across the floor, making sure to stay unnoticed. He moved to stand behind the rebel before forcefully grabbing her neck. She was gagged, and the sudden lack of air caught her off guard. You took the opportunity and struck her in the heart, and he let go of her. 

You both ran off, eager to get to the safe room specially built for situations like this. Barely some distance away, he raised his head, neck aching from the constant strain, when you suddenly pushed him to the ground and covered his mouth with your hand. He was about to protest, feeling kind of hot and bothered with his position, but then he decided against it. You definitely did this for a reason, and he could repress his feelings for a while.

Your head turned as you stared at a rebel passing by, praying he wouldn’t notice you both. He was blind to your movement thankfully, and as soon as he left, you got off of Sunghoon, pulled him up, and ran. You pushed the door of the safe room which was behind a cupboard open with your shoulder, and he then realized that he was the first one to reach. The door closed, and he glanced at you, relief and gratitude clear in his eyes. 

You gave him a thumbs up and turned to leave to assist the other soldiers with getting the rest of his family to the room when he suddenly grabbed your wrist. You looked at him with confusion, and you opened your mouth to ask him what he was doing when he placed his lips on yours. You let out a soft gasp when he held you closer, one arm around your waist, the other hand on your back, holding you close. This wasn’t like the last time you kissed — this was desperate, filled with emotion. He let go of you too soon, eyes shining with tears. 

You both knew that there was a chance you wouldn’t come back to him, and this could be the last time he saw you.

You squeezed his hand in an attempt to reassure him. He just nodded at the door, knowing that you had your duty. You bowed and left as he watched you in fear, praying that you’d make it.

After the attack by the rebels, there were always new questions about the palace’s security floating around. Quite a few lives were lost. None of them were you or his family, but Sunghoon still grieved for them mentally. He couldn’t imagine the agony their families must’ve been going through, and he managed to convince his father to give all the deceased’s close relatives compensation. 

The wedding was called off for now, much to his delight and his father’s despair. The old man had accused him of doing something to sabotage it, but he had grown a thicker skin, thanks to you. All efforts were now being put into strengthening the forces of the kingdom, and the actual matters of state were being ignored. This would lead to more rebellion, but his father didn’t seem to care. At this rate, he could die if he stepped out of the palace grounds — the people hated him that much. Sunghoon was already preparing to become the next ruler since that future would become a reality pretty soon. 

A surprise attack was inevitable, but he didn’t expect the aggressor to be the damn Hwan kingdom.

They must’ve heard about the damage inflicted on the palace from spies and knew that the Park kingdom would be focusing its efforts on repairing it, thus taking advantage of the situation. It was smart of king Hwan, Sunghoon would give him that.

He rode his horse while inspecting the soldiers preparing for battle. None of them were properly ready for this. Many veteran soldiers were on break and were called back suddenly. They all did come, and he was grateful to them for that, even when they had the right to refuse. The troops were arranging their positions quickly, and a little bit of his anxiety relaxed. Their army was strong, they could face this.

As he rode back, he saw his father, who was seething with rage at being betrayed, Sunghoon’s brain was in overdrive. Many of these brave soldiers would sacrifice their body and soul for a stupid fight that wouldn’t bring much to the land that could have been easily prevented. He knew it would happen, but didn’t do anything that was enough to fix it. He couldn’t keep falling short of what was necessary, that wasn’t what a future king would do. 

Not wanting to talk to the old man, he rode a little further where you were on your own horse, surveying the battlefield. He relaxed a bit more upon seeing you and moved to be next to you.

“This will be a tough fight, Sunghoon.”

“I hope it remains a fight that ends today and not a war that stretches over days.”

“Where we are victorious.”

“Obviously.”

“My- Sunghoon, what will you do in case your father…is killed?”

The slip-up and the way ‘my Sunghoon’ rolled off your tongue so perfectly made him miss your actual question for a moment. He let out a soft giggle, before manning up to think. He hadn’t considered that possibility at all. If that happened, then he would automatically become the next king. He’d rule the land and hopefully lead better than the previous king and his reign would be peaceful. He’d make sure of that.

“Be the next ruler, of course. I’d promote you to my personal advisor.”

You cracked a small smile at that.

“Not enough brain. Plus, what if I don’t make it?”

“Won’t happen. You’re too sexy to die. Your abilities are top tier too, you’ll survive.”

You laughed now, and he smiled fully at you. This was a situation unheard of — right before a whole battle, he was here flirting with you and laughing. So very serious. 

He leaned his head closer to yours, hair falling over his eyes. They were pleading silently with you to steal one last kiss, one last secret gesture of love before you both left to fight, one last chance to hold you. You shortened the gap, about to comply, when the war horn sounded, signaling the start of the battle. He frowned, angry at the lost chance, but quickly kissed your forehead. You pecked his cheek in return, before putting on your helmet and riding off. 

The sound of hooves hitting the ground and the sight of dust flying from them brought him back into the moment, and he rode in the same direction as his own army, intending to lead the fight. His father was weak and made dumb decisions, so it was up to him. He moved directly to the frontlines, pulling out his sword from its hilt as an enemy soldier charged at him. He fought with ease, and soon a dead body was on the ground.

He should have been desensitized now upon seeing gore and corpses, but it still disgusted him. He gritted his teeth and averted his gaze as he parried with more enemies. Soldiers were dropping left and right from both sides. Blood splatters were on his own face from fighting so fiercely. It was a miracle that he was still standing with only minor injuries, the Hwan soldiers were vigorous. 

Time was passing quickly, although for him it felt like an eternity. He just wanted to go back after all this ended. He didn’t care if he had to marry the Hwan princess, all he wanted was for this bloodshed to end. The sound of arrows being shot, horses neighing, grunts of hurt and dying soldiers — it was all too much for him.

All of a sudden, a more experienced soldier was attacking him, he could tell by the moves. His entire focus was on fighting back because this guy could actually kill him, that much was clear. He didn’t notice the other soldier charging towards him from his left with a spear until he heard a clang. 

His eyes darted in the direction of the sound for a second, only to see you had blocked the attack and thrown the soldier off his horse. He was impressed and inspired by you, and with renewed strength, he killed the veteran. He gave you a thumbs up, before looking to his right as someone else ran to replace the deceased soldier. He was ready to fight that person and everyone else with you and for you.

Then, tragedy struck.

An arrow was heading in his direction. Occupied with the current fight he was in, Sunghoon was in no position to dodge it, and you took the blow. Pushing his horse with your own, the arrow lodged in your chest instead. The only reason he noticed it was because of the sound of pain you made. He finished off the man fighting him, and then turned his head to look at you. Your head was drooping slightly and your grip on the reins of your horse had faltered.

No, no, no, this can’t happen!

You were supposed to stay with him, you were supposed to be by his side forever, he was supposed to get more chances to love you, even in secret, not just lose you like this.

He immediately shoved his sword back in its hilt before grabbing your torso to steady you. You were very faintly there, you just had to keep going a bit more for him, and he knew you could.

“Y/N, hold on, okay? Don’t close your eyes, please.”

“Try…ing.”

Fuck, your voice was so weak, you really were trying. He’d end your suffering soon, he promised silently.

Coincidentally, the war horn sounded once more, signifying the end of the battle. It was his kingdom’s, which meant he had won, just like you wanted. 

But you weren’t conscious enough to realize it.

He promptly sat you on his horse in front of him, one arm around your waist holding you close and tight. He galloped fast to the palace medic, the best one in the entire region. He ignored the weird looks and the shouts of his name, traveling with urgency. He had to move fast for your sake, and also for his own. He’d lose his shit if you…no. You weren’t going to, he was sure of it.

“Try to not focus on the pain, we’re almost there.”

That was stupid advice, but he had to say something, anything to save him.

“This doctor will fix you up, I swear. Just- don’t give up yet, Y/N. I beg of you. It’s all I’ll ask for this badly from you.”

Your head was now tilted back, and it rested on his right shoulder. You opened your eyes slightly to look at him, which he took as a good sign.

Then you spoke.

“I won’t…won’t make it. It’s…no point…denying it…my…Hoon, I…love you.”

At your words, Sunghoon’s lips formed a thin line as he squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds to force his tears to stay back. He could feel the blood running from your wound and collecting onto the sleeve of his suit, but he refused to accept it. You would make it, you couldn’t die.

“Shut-Shut up. You’re not dying, not when I’m here. Look, we’ve reached- you’ll be okay, I swear.”

He got off the horse, your limp body in his arms bridal style.

He wished he could be holding you like this in a different, more happier situation.

The doctor rushed out of her house and knew that it was urgent upon seeing the prince at her door. She took you in and he waited outside, pacing around nervously. He was so certain you’d survive, but the wound could be a major setback for the rest of your life. He’d have to make adjustments to accommodate you at the palace. He wouldn’t mind though, it was for you after all.

The doctor came out after a few minutes, and he waited for her to say something along the lines of ‘she survived, but ___’. Not to see her shake her head with a soft sigh. 

“I’m sorry. She didn’t make it. She was gone when you came here. We tried our best, but…the arrow was poison tipped, which reduced her chances of surviving to zero.”

No. No no no no no. This lady was old and wrinkling, she was probably cuckoo and playing an unfunny prank on him.

“Can I see her? Alone?”

“Of course, sire.”

He rushed inside immediately, expecting to see you on the bed bandaged up and smiling at how well the prank worked on him-

She was right. You really were gone. You took your last breath in his arms. Your arms rested limply by your sides. The arrow was removed, but the blood stains were on your armor as evidence that the fatal injury did indeed happen. Useful reminder for a delusional ass like his. Your helmet was off your head now.

He sat down on a chair next to your bed and held one of your hands gingerly. It was already turning cold, and he hated it. He felt freshly made cuts and bruises along with older scars on your palm. His gaze fell on your face. The scratch you got from the rebel’s ambush was still partially healing. He took in your features with intense concentration, engraving them in his memory. He despised the fact that you looked so much at peace right now – when you just left his entire life in turmoil. He needed so badly to shake you back to life or something, but he knew that there was no point now. He lifted your hand up to his lips, kissing it in a tender manner, a weak replacement for the one you both missed maybe an hour or two before. 

Just when he let go of your hand, the doctor rushed in with news.

“Sire, his majesty has passed away due to a…similar poisonous arrow shortly after victory.”

Both the people he knew wanted to win the most were dead just after it happened. Ironic, he thought - this was worthless now.

King Sunghoon walked through the cemetery for soldiers who had sacrificed their lives for the country. He stopped right in front of one which had many flower bouquets, a lot of them from his own previous visits, all of them your favorite flowers. He got on his knees on the right side of your gravestone, head bowed in respect and hands folded in his lap.

“Hello, Y/N. I know I’ve come to see you many times before, but I can’t help it. I miss you so much. You left too soon. I still believe that I should have taken that arrow instead of you…although it was for the better in hindsight. At least your last memory was of me and your pain ended quickly.”

Silence. He quickly wiped his eyes.

“I love you, Y/N. I still do, so much. I should move on by now, but it’s hard. Not when you meant so much to me, not when you changed me. A little for the worse, mostly for the better.”

He laughed dryly, looking at his hands. An expensive ring gleamed on his ring finger.

“I married a queen who I liked a lot. Not the Hwan princess, although she and I keep in touch often. We’re allies now. Kind of ironic, since I lost you and the old man in a war against that same kingdom’s old ruler.”

He wasn’t willing to let himself break, what if someone walked in on him sobbing over a dead soldier's grave? What would they think? He poked his eyes with his fingers, still in misery. No matter how much he tried, everything in his brain led back to you. While he didn’t want you to fade or leave his mind exactly, you were only meant to be a guest, visiting occasionally, not a permanent resident, not someone he still needed. When he calmed down, he quietly lifted his crown off his head and put it on top of your gravestone. He placed a solemn hand on it, closing his eyes. “This is a love stained crown, tainted with you and I, along with all our memories. Your affection will never wash away, no matter how much I try. I miss you and I love you, and I hope you’re doing better, wherever you are.”

[thebisexualdogdad]

Wedding night - Lucy MacLean x Male!reader

You had been in love with Lucy MacLean for as long as you could remember and today was finally the day you got to marry her.

The courtyard was decorated for the wedding and you stood at the end of the aisle with Hank who was officiating, waiting for Lucy to make her grand entrance.

“Are you nervous?” Hank asks you, adjusting the tie of the tuxedo that was handed down to you.

“Not at all, I can't wait to be your daughter's husband,” you say.

“That's what I wanted to hear,” he chuckles.

The music starts and the door to the corridor rises, Lucy standing there in her wedding dress looking as beautiful as ever.

You say your I do's and proceed to celebrate with your family and friends over a meal then dancing for a bit before Lucy whispers in your ear, “take me to bed.”

You head to your newly prepared starter home unit that was ready to be christened by your first night together as a married couple.

She takes your suit jacket off as you stumble around the room, lips locked when her back hits the dining table.

You lift her up onto it and kiss along her neck, palming at her chest through her dress, “you are so beautiful Lucy, I am the luckiest man in all of vault 33 to get to be married to you.”

“You don't have to compliment me, we are already going to have sex,” she blushes.

“I am going to spend the rest of my life doing anything I have to make you happy,” you tell her.

“In that case, I would like if you went down on me,” she suggests with a grin.

You happily get down to your knees, carefully lifting her dress up so you could remove her underwear.

Your head disappears under the material of her dress and she moans at the first contact of your tongue on her.

She grips the edge of the table and throws her head back growing wetter as the minutes pass by.

Your skills at this had greatly improved since the first time you got together two years back and it didn't hurt that Lucy was very direct about what she wanted and enjoyed instructing you on how to pleasure her.

Her pleasure increases when you slip a finger inside her and then a second, pumping them steadily as you suck on her clit which soon brings her to her first orgasm of the night.

When her climax subsides she taps on your shoulder, “alright Y/N take your clothes off and let's go to the bed I want to be on top now.”

You re-emerge from under her dress and wipe away her arousal off your chin before taking your white button up shirt off.

Lucy bites her lip watching you undress, no matter how many times she saw you naked it always gave her butterflies.

When you are completely naked she hops off the table, guiding you over to your new bed and letting you get comfortable amongst the pillows before climbing on top of you.

She pulls the dress out of the way and let's you guide your cock inside her, moaning loudly again.

“Does that feel good Lucy?” You ask, taking hold of her hips, loving the sight of her on top of you in her wedding dress.

“So good,” she sighs, beginning to bounce in your lap.

She grabs onto the headboard of the bed for stability, riding you vigorously.

“Holy moly,” she gasps when you begin thrusting your hips upwards into her making her eyes roll back.

It's a good thing the walls were made of steel because she was moaning so loudly the entire vault would be hearing her otherwise.

“Are you going to finish again?” You ask her.

“Yes, gosh yes,” she cries, hitting her second orgasm so intense it makes her entire body spasm.

You slow down your movements letting her ride out the last of her high until her body stills.

“Can I finish inside you?” You ask as she starts to catch her breath.

“Well we are married now,” she laughs.

You smile and start thrusting your hips again, feeling your own climax quickly approaching and within another minute you're moaning her name, cumming inside her.

“Wow that was amazing,” she smiles down at you, pushing her now messed up hair out of her face, “you've gotten really good at sex.”

“Thanks,” you reply proudly, “want to do it again? Stephanie snuck us a bottle of whipped cream from the kitchen, she says I'm supposed to put it on your body and lick it off.”

“That sounds wonderful,” Lucy says cheerfully but as she's getting off of you so you could get the whipped cream from the fridge you hear what sounds like gunshots coming from the courtyard.

“What was that?” You two say simultaneously.

[deadmomjokes]

Do you have any adventures of bean to share before you sign off for a bit? good luck with the move!

I wish I had more specific ones, but life is all blurring together at this point so I must settle for Tidbits: Moving Edition

She loves to pack stuff. I have no idea where it's coming from, but holy cow this kid. She's going to be the only reason we're completely packed and ready to go on time. Every morning, she hops in my bed and goes "Can we pack another box?" And any time we're not actively doing something, "Should we pack more boxes?" Her dad whispered to me earlier, understandably dumbfounded, "What is with the packing thing? Why is she so into this?" And she somehow heard it from the next room and merrily hopped in holding the roll of packing tape and said "I dunno, I just really like packing things." So... yeah. She's keeping us on task.

She has Plans for the drive. -First, we need to eat at Subway (she was very excited to learn she can, in fact, have Subway in moderation). -Second, we need to stay at one of the number hotels-- those being National 9, Super 8, and Motel 6. (She is bummed there's no 7 hotel.) -Third, if we successfully get a number hotel for one night, we also need to do a Red Roof Inn some other night. -Fourth, she wants to go inside a gas station and look at the maps. (She means the visitors guides and brochures that truck stops have when they're near-ish to state lines and/or tourist destinations.) -Finally, she wants to borrow my phone to take pictures. Unbeknownst to her, we are getting an old digital camera tuned up and outfitted with a child-proof case so she can have her own camera, because when she starts taking pictures it's an hours-long affair, and I kinda need my phone for GPS purposes. We're presenting her with said camera next weekend when we get the trailer, so hopefully she'll stay occupied while we do the part of packing she can't actually help with. But yeah, she knows how to set realistic, attainable goals, and I honestly think we can make these things happen for her.

She's been obsessively watching that Bluey special every day, and it Concerns me. See, she's generally quite media literate, and knows how to separate fiction from reality, and we had our big group cry about leaving our friends the first time we watched it. But. I am deeply worried that she's under the impression that we'll get all packed and ready to go and then do what Bluey's family did and decide to stay. I desperately hope not, but hoo boy, if that is the case, that's gonna be one heck of a 4-day drive. We've tried bringing it up and talking about it, but we still can't tell what's going on in that little noggin.

She is really, really sad about leaving her friends. I know that's not fun to hear, but honestly, I'm really impressed and proud of the way she's been handling it. She's come up with some great coping mechanisms all on her own: asking if we can get everyone's parents' Facebooks so we can do video calls, asking if we can do a party before she leaves so she can play with her school friends again (both yes, of course), and the one that truly floored me-- she asked if we can find "a new therapy place" when we get to where we're going. My four year old asked if she can go back to therapy, y'all. She's been 'graduated' since before Christmas, but she remembered that it helped when she was feeling anxious all the time and wants to do that again after we move. I just... Holy moly! I am so, SO proud of her for how she's so in tune with herself and her needs.

Her requests for our next housing situation have been few, but very specific. It has to let her get a pet, either a rabbit (maybe two so they can be friends), or a ball python, or both. It needs stairs so she can bumslide down them. It needs a pantry with a shelf she can reach for her snacks. And she'd really prefer if it had hard floors so we can get a fuzzy rug. We don't have it on lock yet (fingers crossed!), but the place that looks most likely meets all of these criteria.

That's all I've got for right now, because I need to go pre-plan what tomorrow morning's packing adventure is going to be so I don't have to think about it two minutes after opening my eyes.

[lykaios2]

Heya hope you're having a good day/night ^^ if you're requests are still open I had a rottmnt Leo x reader fanfic idea. (No pressure to accept this request if you don't want to)

Basically the reader is a spider person (fem or gender neutral it's up to you ^^) and Leo has a crush on them. I like the idea that maybe they cross paths when fighting a villian. Sorry if that's too unspecific.

ugh. holy moly

for some reason I really struggled with this one. there are many things I could say about this but I'm just going to leave it here for you. hope it doesn't suck

(the title is supposed to be joke about how spider people get their superpowers hahahaha I'm so funny)

Love at First Bite

rise leo x reader

tw: mid writing

word count: 2816

Leo was racing to the scene of the crime. He had only gotten the call a minute ago, and he was thankfully ready, already on patrol. As he turned the corner, he saw the culprit. Him again. Leo didn’t want to have to deal with this guy again…but maybe he didn’t have to? It appeared that someone had arrived before him…but who? He couldn’t recognize them, he didn’t think it was anyone he knew. But if they were here, they must be some sort of superhero, and he knew every superhero there was in New York. And your fighting style…so eloquent, like nothing he’d ever seen before. He had to know who you were.

He jumped to your side to help you take down the villain. As the police arrived on the scene to apprehend the villain, Leo walked over to where you were.

“That’s quite the skill set you’ve got on you, stranger. I’m Leonardo, nice to meet you.” He held out his hand to shake.

“Oh, thank you,” you replied, a bit out of breath. “I could say the same to you. I’m y/n.”

“Well, y/n, you’re looking at the greatest ninja on this side of New York. And the other side too. Now, see, I know every superhero there is in New York, but I don’t believe I’ve seen you around here before.”

“Oh, you could say I’m new here. I moved here about a month ago, but this is one of my first missions here.”

“I see. Well, y/n, welcome to New York. I’ve lived here my entire life, so I know this place like the back of my hand.”

“Thank you, and yeah, I could imagine you do.”

“You know, that’s quite the costume you’ve got there. It’s like…a spider?”

“Yeah, that’s supposed to be the theme.”

“Okay, interesting. Any particular reason?”

“Well, not much, it’s just kind of the theme of my organization.”

“Ah, okay. Cool beans.”

“For sure. Well, I’ll be off now, I have to head back. See you around, Leonardo.”

“See you around, y/n. Just remember me if you ever need help!” He said, waving to you from afar. He heard you laugh as you walked away.

A new hero, huh? He was certainly going to have to get to know you now. If he didn’t know you, how could he even consider himself the greatest ninja ever? Like he said, he knew every superhero in New York. Besides, there was just something about you…but he couldn’t quite place it. But, he had realized he didn’t know when he would actually see you again. He would just have to hope he could meet you…

“Donnie! I need your help!” Leo called to Donnie as he entered the lair. “I’m being for real this time.”

“I’ll be the judge of that. What is it you need?”

“This may sound like a strange request, but I need you to do a bit of…non-malicious stalking for me.”

“Oh, my dearest brother, you came to the right person. You have no idea how excited I am to do this for you. And you ask me this like you don’t know I place trackers on you all.”

“I always forget about those. Anyway, you can do this for me? Great.”

“Now, brother, who, perhaps, might we be stalking?”

Leo explained his situation, how he had met you, how you had just moved to New York.

“And I need to get to know them…I know everyone, all the superheroes in New York. It’s part of my job as the greatest ninja in New York.”

“Well, you are indeed the face man. I’ll see what I can do. Give me say, an hour?”

“Okay, I’ll be back here then.”

Leo acted calm while talking to Donnie, but in reality, he was a little nervous. He hadn’t quite realized, but he was becoming very focused on this. A little too focused, maybe. He sat in his room, waiting, staring at the clock. 10 minutes, then 20, then 30. He was so focused on the clock, he hadn’t even noticed that Donnie was in his doorway.

“Leo…?”

“Yeah? Wait- Donnie? What are you doing?”

“I could ask you the same question. You’re staring at the clock, and it looks rather unsettling.”

“Well, I was just, you know, waiting for you to finish up. Anyways, what are you doing here? Did you finish?”

“Well, I had to use the restroom, so I got up to do so…have you been sitting here looking at the clock the whole time?”

“Uhh…yeah, I guess.”

“Right, because that’s a normal thing to do. Is something the matter?”

“I think I’m just…a little too fixated on this, I think. I probably just need to take my mind off of this.”

“Why don’t you do that, hm? I’m going to try and finish this up.”

Leo left his room to find Mikey or Raph. It didn’t matter to him, he just needed to get his mind off of things.

Donnie came to find Leo a short time later. He informed Leo he had found the information he wanted.

“So, they moved here from Arizona, it seems. They have two siblings, a brother and a sister.”

“Okay, okay. What else?”

“Well, as for their interests, those include video games, stargazing, reading, among other things.”

“Hmm, okay…thank you. Although one more thing, did you happen to notice any spots they liked to hang out?”

“Uh…they posted a lot of pictures of them at the park. You could try there.”

Leo nodded and thanked Donnie before heading off to the park.

“Wait, Leo, do you even know exactly who you’re- Oh, he’s gone. Well, I don’t even know what his plan is at this point.”

Leo rushed off to the park to find you. He made an effort to look everywhere he could think, all the popular spots and the hidden ones, too. It was a fairly big park, so he had plenty of spots to look. Nothing here, nothing there. All the while, you had indeed been at the park. Every so often, you thought you saw a quick flash of blue out of the corner of your eye.

“Man…I must be seeing things.”

Leo kept looking, but he couldn't find you. After all, he didn’t know what you looked like under the mask. He would just have to hope he ran into you. But he wouldn’t have to wait long. Before he could search every corner of the park, a huge crash came from a couple blocks away, followed by screaming. Leo stopped immediately.

“Woah, we got a problem.”

Leo pulled out his communicator and called his brothers to the scene. At the same time, unknown to him, you pulled down your mask, hearing the commotion and getting ready for action.

All of you rushed over as fast as you could. As Leo met up with brothers, he was unaware that you were shortly behind you. Leo and his brothers started to fight, and to his surprise you joined them.

“Oh, it’s Leonardo! And…some other heroes? I guess I’ll find out in a second.”

Mikey and Raph noticed you first.

“Who is that? Never seen them before.”

“Me neither, but it looks like they’re on our side. So fight now, talk later.”

Leo heard them and looked around, finally finding you.

“Guys, it’s them!”

“Who is “them”?”

“I’ll explain in a second, I’m a little busy here.”

Leonardo, along with you and his brothers, eventually stopped the ruckus, and was able to finally talk to you again.

“Hi y/n! Fancy meeting you here again.” Leo was breathing quickly, trying to catch his breath after the fight.

“Yeah…who are they?” You said, looking over at his brothers.

“Those are my brothers. Let me introduce you. This is Raphael, Michelangelo, and Donatello.”

“Hi, I’m y/n, as you may have already guessed.” Mikey was the first to speak up.

“Hello! So, how do you know Leo?”

“Well, we met not too long ago. Only once though, I had to leave before we could really get to know each other too much. All I know about him is that he’s a fellow superhero, and the greatest ninja in New York.”

“You know it!”

Leo talked for a while longer with you, getting to know you. Thanks to all the info Donnie gathered, Leo was able to hit it off with you. His brother stood behind him while he talked, occasionally chiming into the conversation. But in the meantime, Mikey and Raph started their own conversation.

“You know…I think Leo might have a little thing for y/n…if you know what I mean.”

“Omigosh, you’re so right!”

“Hey, chill. Don’t want ‘em hearing us.”

“Right, right, sorry. But that’s so adorable. I think they would make a good couple. But also it’s a little early to say, they only just met. But Leo totally has a thing for them.”

Leo kept talking with you, as his brothers stood behind him.Donnie left after some time, realizing he was no longer needed in this conversation. Mikey and Raph followed suit shortly after, and it was just Leo and you.

“Well, now that it’s just us…wanna go have some fun?”

“Ew, gross, no.”

“Chill, not like that. You have such a dirty mind.” he said while smirking.

“You’re stupid, you know that?”

“I get that a lot. Anyway, do you actually want to go do something?”

“Maybe. If I can get over your sense of humor.”

“Fine, I’m sorry. Really. Does that help?”

“I guess. But, there was this one place I wanted to check out…”

“Oh? Would you mind if I joined you on this little excursion?”

“Promise me no more of those jokes, and I’ll allow it.”

“Okay, okay. But I can’t promise I’ll stop all of my jokes.”

“Well, if you are joining me, I hope you’re hungry.”

Leo was led to a new restaurant, which he had never seen before. On the way there, he was becoming a little suspicious, as the area he was being led through was an area known for high amounts of crime. But when he got there, he was in awe. He never knew about this, so how did you? Every moment he spent with you, he was becoming more amazed. He…he could almost say he loved you. But he just met you, it wasn’t anything serious. So it couldn’t be love…right?

“Come on, Leonardo. Let’s go in.”

Right. Focus on what’s happening right now.

“O-okay, coming.”

Leo followed you into the restaurant. As he looked around, he took in everything. It was definitely a nicer restaurant. The atmosphere was very calm, but also busy.

“Woah…nice place. You’ve never been here?”

“Nope, first time.”

“Hello, have you two been helped yet?”

“No, we just arrived.”

“Ah, okay. If it’s just the two of you, we have a table open right this way. Follow me.”

You and Leo followed the waiter to a table in the back. As you sat down, he handed you some menus to choose from.

“Take your time. I’ll have someone sent out in a minute to check up.”

“Thank you. Good thing I have my wallet on me, I would hate to have to make you pay. Let’s see what we have to eat…”

“Yeah, this place is a little pricey. But I’ve heard it’s really good, and worth the price.”

“It better be…ooh, they have pizza? You already know I’m ordering that.”

“Pizza? I mean, sure.”

“Pizza’s my all time favorite. If it’s on the menu, I’m gonna order it.”

“Be my guest. I’m just gonna get the chicken sandwich.”

Another waiter walked up to the table.

“Hi, I’ll be your waiter for tonight. Are we ready to order?”

You and Leo ordered food, and after a bit more waiting, the food came and you began to eat.

“Mmm…this is so good. I might have to bring my brothers here sometime, they would love this place.”

“They are also big pizza fans, I assume?”

“Oh yeah, absolutely.”

“Your brothers seemed pretty nice.”

“Eh, they can be a little annoying at times…but we’ve been through a lot together. I love them very dearly.”

“Yeah…must be nice. I didn’t get along too well with my siblings, and I had to move away from my family when I took up this position.”

“Oh…that must have been hard.”

“It was…but I got over it. I’d rather not think about it.”

“Hmm…yeah. Well, I’m done with my food. You wanna head out?”

“Sure. I’ve been done with my food for a while now, anyway.”

You and Leo left the restaurant, thanking the staff on the way out. Leo decided to lead you around New York, showing you all of his favorite spots. All the shortcuts he knew, his favorite hangout spots, good places to eat.

“Wow, you sure know about everything.”

“When you’ve lived here your entire life, it becomes second nature.”

Leo showed you around a few more spots before stopping on top of a building near the edge of the city. It was nearly night time, and the city lights were starting to turn on.

“Wow, the city looks so beautiful at night.” Leo smiled.

“Just one of the cool things about living here. Sometimes I come here alone, when I need to relax.”

“I can see why. It’s very relaxing up here.”

Leo watched as you sat and looked over the city at the lights. You looked so cute, in awe like that. Maybe he did love you. Maybe it was love at first sight, but he doubted it was the same way for you. Sure, he was amazing in every way possible. But things like this took time.

“Leo? Leo!”

“Hm? What?”

“You spaced out for a second, dude. Look at the sunset. And the stars are starting to come out, too.”

The sunset looked incredible, and with stars sprinkled about the night sky, it was even better.

“Woah…so beautiful.”

You both quietly watched as the sun went down over the horizon. The stars started to come out, and soon it was nighttime. Leo looked over at you again as you yawned and laid down on the roof.

“Tired?”

“Heh, a little. I could use a little extra sleep anyway.”

“Want me to take you home?”

“No, I want to stay here…and look at the stars.”

“Well, the roof can’t be comfortable for sleeping on.”

“You’re right. I think this would work better.”

Leo was taken aback as you came over and laid your head on his lap. He blushed slightly, but luckily for him, it was too dark to see.

“Much better.”

“Y-you comfortable there?”

“Yes, very much so.”

Leo sat as still as he could to make sure you were comfortable. He didn’t want to ruin this moment. It was perfect for him. He looked up at the stars with you. They were truly a sight to see.

“What are you doing, stupid?”

Leo hadn’t noticed, but his hand had started to drift towards your head. He was too caught up in making sure everything was perfect that he didn’t realize.

“Oh sorry, I was just…um…”

“Just…um…what?”

“Well…sometimes my brothers lay on my lap, and…they like it when I rub their heads…so I guess it was just like instinct, or something…”

“Well, keep doing it. It felt nice.”

Leo chuckled as he kept rubbing your head.

“Heh, okay.”

Leo laid back a little bit while you both continued to look up at the stars. He was so comfortable with you…he could almost just let it all out right now. He was in love with you and there was no denying it.

“Hey y/n…”

“Hm? What’s up, Leonardo?”

“Can I tell you something?”

“As long as it’s not another stupid joke.”

“Haha, no, it’s not. It’s something else…”

“Then what is it?”

“Well…um…I’ve had a great time with you tonight. And I know we’re not very close…but I think I like you.”

“I mean, cool. Good to know you don’t hate me.”

“I don’t think you understand.”

“What don’t I understand? You just said you- oh.”

Leo looked away as you realized what he meant. He was blushing again, but you couldn’t see it.

“Well…I think that’s okay.”

“Okay? What do you mean, okay?”

“Well…you’re pretty cool. Despite your stupid jokes, you’re actually pretty funny. And I’ve seen you fight before, sometimes I just sit back and watch you guys if I get there late. You’re a pretty nice guy. I like you too.”

Leo smiled as you told him how you felt. It was a relief to hear. After a second of silence, he spoke again.

“Well, now what?”

“Hmm…I think I’d like to relax and watch the stars with my boyfriend. That would be nice.”

“Your boyfriend?”

“Ugh, you’re so stupid. You, silly.”

Leo laughed awkwardly. Right, him.

[selfinserttothestars]

CHRISSSSSSSS HEY HI HELLOOOO

Anyways I'd like to see ur yuusona's relationship with these 3 characters: 🤖, 🐱, 📚

I felt like asking for Idia and mayhaps Ruggie but then I remembered u already talked about them so lskskwksks decided to ask these ones instead

LET’S GOOOO I’M SO READY FOR THESE!!!!

They’re gonna be long though so uuuuuuuuuuuuh heads up expanding the post!

Ok so first up is Ortho! Homegirl is so protective of him especially after book 6. She probably thought she’d never see him again after what happened in STYX so when he came back to be a student at NRC she was so happy, definitely got close to crying but will deny that forever lmao

She tends to treat him like a little brother because look at him and tell he’s not everyone’s little brother. You can’t you’re lying. She’ll always keep an eye on him when she can and cheers him on in anything that he pursues.

She genuinely believes that Ortho can do anything but will still protect him with her life. 10/10 incredible baby bro

Next up is Grim! The son ever! I’m going to be completely honest in saying that she was totally off-put by him in the very beginning. She didn’t quite understand why she was even being associated with this furball but with time and the necessity of teamwork between them they quickly bonded. He was the first to find out that she’s not a boy in the all boy’s school and even when she doubted him at first, he never let it slip to anyone. They can rely on each other when it really counts and it’s sweet.

She will openly refer to him as her son and she’s not afraid to poke at his pride every now and again (which he needs good gravy) but sometimes she humors his antics a little too much. She will claim that she is his familiar rather than vice versa if anyone calls him a familiar because she knows he hates it and doesn’t mind the title anyway. It’s kinda funny to see people’s reactions too.

Ultimately they have more of a sibling relationship than anything and have each other’s backs. They do love each other like family, 10/10 found family. Would find again

Lastly but not leastly is Mozus Trein! The dynamic between them is actually pretty interesting (to me at least) because it didn’t start out as much. If anything Lucius was the one to break the ice. Chris was always quietly affectionate towards the cat and he’d gotten comfortable hopping up onto her desk during class. She’ll always pet him and say hello and goodbye before and after class and Trein was always amused but never really showed any bias. For a long time Chris was actually a bit intimidated by Trein but slowly warmed up to him as time went on.

The relationship probably reached a pique during the Glorious Masquerade event! Chris was able to spend time with just Trein and Grim while exploring Fluer City so they were able to talk more casually, not having to worry about school for the moment.

She definitely slipped up and called him “dad” at one point, but rather than backing out she decided to commit to the bit for shits and giggles (Watching Trein’s composure waver when instead of apologizing she asked “Dad, am I the disappointment of the family?” Was definitely worth it though he was not expecting that). This of course was a joke between the two of them, as no one would ever drop the subject if they found out about it.

They have an inside joke now, so you might hear one of them mumble a “I raised you better than this” or “you’re not even my real dad” at each other if you listen closely. Of course if you don’t know it’s an inside joke then it might give you the wrong impression as Trein is always deadpan when he jokes… 10/10 best dad Trein

Thank for reading my essay holy moly these just keep getting longer I’m so sorry! 🩵

[fallowtail]

Am I a little sad about the end of the Ghosts' episode? A bit. I still think Hetty and Trevor have more in common than they realize. I am sorry if I am too hopelessly hopeful. Haha. They tried way too hard, way too fast. (pun kind of intended) I mean....maybe I can get behind the friends with benefits scenario for them...but I just see something there. I don't know. Just a bit sad...but definitely happy for their sex life. Haha! I think it made more zesty, that is for sure. 😆

Haha awww, yeah, I get it! Personally I'm super excited about the ending, because I didn't like how soon they came out to the house- the sneaking around was pretty much the only reason we were getting any steamy content, because it fell under "rule of funny", so hopefully we'll be getting to see some more of that soon...that ending kiss, holy MOLY <3 But as long as those two are fuckin', I'm happy LOL. I've basically been promised they won't split up for a while now and that's all I wanted!

BUT! I do think that this set up between them is not over yet- they're giving off the vibe of being the will-they-wont-they couple of the show, since we haven't had one yet! I think they'll still end up together- hopefully- but they're going to do it in their weird, Hetty and Trevor horny way, and not in the same way that the other couples are. It's gonna be super interesting for sure, and it makes their dynamic even more fun for me <3

What's really interesting here is that they clearly had a discussion, off camera, about wanting to go back to sneaking around, so at the very least these two are 100% on the same page about this, there's no hurt feelings, the fake arguing turned them on instead LMFAO, and them being in this dynamic means they're probably going to be safe in the background for a while...I think that they have more in common than they know, as well. I think that this issue between them could have been settled if they actually talked it out to come to a compromise, but these two have communication issues out the ass, Hetty especially, so they both decided to go the easy path and get themselves out of the public eye...I don't think dating publicly is something they're ready for just yet! Hetty is still struggling with her Rules Of Standard, of wanting to follow the Rules Of Social Functions, and Trevor was put off by not fitting into the conversation and then let Stephanie (and then Pete!!) get into his head...I think we'll see some more of this from them, for sure. They're not gonna just drop the plot, more is coming ; )

(Sorry, I actually had a lot of elaborate thoughts about this but I totally forgot all of them, my brain fog is awful today LOL, might tack onto this later)

[diminished-fish]

References for “A Portrait in Synesthesia”

This fic is COMPLETE now, so anyone who might have been hesitant to follow a wip, here you go! The whole synesthetic package, wrapped up with a nice lil bow on top. :3

For those who might have missed the masterpost: the fic was my contribution to the good omens big bang and is a sweeping, canon-compliant romp through history, told in (almost) all original scenes, with lots of nature imagery and T.S. Eliot. Kind of my own cold open, but with way more feelings and flowers. Also the sea. And an emotionally significant comet.

I had the opportunity to throw all of myself at this project and really enjoyed making it an intense focus for a while. In a way, it was an experiment to see how much I was capable of, which as it turns out, is more than I thought! (there’s a lesson here, probably...). Going this deep with the research and worldbuilding is not something I will likely be doing often for fic writing, but since I did with this one, I figured I’d share a bit of the process.

Under the cut are major spoilers for the timeline, story, and historic events in my recent fic, A Portrait in Synesthesia. I had originally planned to post this information in the end notes of the fic, but at some point, the list got way too long and posting it here became the sensible choice. There is a link to this post in the end notes of the fic, so it will be easy to find your way back here if you get to the end and want to know a bit more about the writing and research process. 

The Title:

Putting this bit at the top because I don’t know where else to put it: The working title for this fic throughout the entire writing process was “In Synesthesia.” I almost changed the final title in the eleventh hour to “The Still Point of the Turning World” because of what a prevalent theme Eliot became (that line was also slipped into the story three times at important moments — once for each POV character). I also briefly considered “Always, We Were Enough” as a title, since the conversation with Adrielle at the lighthouse kind of... accidentally became the thesis of the whole story, but that was a bit too sappy even for me, a Confirmed Sap. 

And while I’ll be questioning my choice of title for the rest of forever (titling things is hard, y’all), I ultimately thought the more descriptive title was best, and wanted to keep the nod to the song that inspired it all.

Speaking of the song... have you listened to it yet?? It’s great, I promise!

Synesthesia:

This was my research starting point. Before I dug into any of the historical or astronomical research or even started any serious plotting, I started reading about synesthesia, or, as Psychology Today defines it: the neurological condition in which the stimulation of one sensory or cognitive pathway (for example, hearing) leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory or cognitive pathway (such as vision).

Full disclosure: I do not have synesthesia. I spent a LOT of time researching it for this fic and did my best to portray it accurately, in spite of the fantastical elements I added. If I’ve overstepped or gotten something wrong and there are any synesthetes out there who would like to talk about it, I am very open to those discussions. The AO3 comments are always open to that, or you can message me/send me an ask here if you would like a less public forum.

I probably read r/Synesthesia in its entirety, but this thread of first-hand accounts was one of the most interesting to me and provided a lot of the inspiration for how I used the emotional synesthesia imagery. 

Besides everyone’s favorite research staring point of Wikipedia, this link is one I got from Boston University’s Synesthesia Project, and it is a pretty exhaustive list of research and books, as well as art and poetry about synesthesia. I have also been working my way through The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Other Clinical Tales, by Oliver Sacks which is the book that came most frequently recommended to me in my search. It’s an extremely approachable and interesting look at neurological conditions, synesthesia among them.

As it appears in the fic:

In a broad, generalized sense, Aziraphale and Crowley have a few types of synesthesia in this story. Obviously, I gave it a supernatural/celestial twist and a healthy glug of magical realism, but I did try to keep it firmly rooted in the actual condition. The types of synesthesia they have are:

Chromesthesia: they both have this. Sounds, specifically each other’s voices, have a color association

Lexical-gustatory synesthesia/emotion-flavor synesthesia: Aziraphale has this. Words (in this case, emotions, specifically Crowley’s emotional state) have a taste.

Odor-color synesthesia/emotion-odor synesthesia: Crowley has this. Words (again, emotions, specifically Aziraphale’s emotional state) have a smell.

One of the defining characteristics of synesthesia is that it is constant. If a synesthete connects the number 9 with the color blue, for example, then they will always connect them in this way. This was the major difference between real synesthesia and the fantasy synesthesia in this fic. The sensory/emotion connections for Aziraphale and Crowley changed in subtle ways as their relationship evolved through the ages.

The “binding thread” also had nothing to do with synesthesia. That was me wanting to make the spool analogy work for the body swap, baking it into the entire fic because I liked how the imagery fit with the synesthesia, and then leaning into the magic and the soul memory so hard that I fell flat on my face into magical realism. (A True Fact: I have spent a fair amount of time lying on the floor in the past 6 months, shaking my fist at the cute little plot bunny who grew fangs and claws and dragged me down a rabbit hole that ended up being 100k words deep). 

Anyway! Research!

Before I get into space and history and flowers... Yes, I admit to absolutely making up some wacky shit about Europa for the sake of fun banter and making a metaphor work. All those pre-Fall scenes on abandoned Earths are 100% a fantasy setting and I exercised the super fun right of a fantasy writer and embraced the worldbuilding (moonbuilding?). I also just thought Crowley would have delighted in tying a moon’s guts in knots, and Aziraphale would have delighted in the idea of whimsy-for-whimsy’s-sake. Please don’t lose sleep over the scientific inaccuracies.

Halley’s comet:

I promise not to bog this down with a billion comet facts, but there were a few particular things about Halley’s comet that had me gasping dramatically about how it’s “A.J. Crowley, but a comet!!” Specifically, it’s orbit and it’s structure. 

Halley’s retrograde orbit gives it one of the fastest velocities (relative to Earth) of any object in the solar system. I never explicitly worked the “you go too fast for me” line into the fic because I was trying to do original scenes (this particular story lived between the lines), but... just know that tidbit is there and join me in these emotional dire straits. If you like.

The comet’s structure is what is known as a “rubble pile”, meaning it’s made up of a bunch of smaller rocks held together by gravity (read: a hot god damn mess held together by stubbornness). 

As it appears in the fic:

The nucleus of Halley’s comet is shaped like a weird lopsided peanut. In fact, one could almost look at it and say it resembles a contact binary star, if such a thing could be a shriveled, misshapen pile of rubble.

Officially, Halley’s comet might have been recorded as early as 467 BC (a comet was recorded in Greece that year— unclear if it was Halley’s, but the timing and the fact that it was visible to the naked eye suggests that it probably was). This was the year I had Aziraphale making the scroll that causes Crowley’s panic in Athens (390 BC). I like to think that some human, at some point, caught a glimpse of it and tried to bring it to light, only to be written off as a crazed conspiracy theorist.

The apocalyptic depiction of Halley’s comet in chapter 9 (Bithynia) is actually based in fact. The comet made its closest approach to Earth (in human memory) in 837 AD, passing within 5 million kilometers. Its tail stretched halfway across the sky and it appeared as bright as Venus to the naked eye.

1910 Halley’s Comet panic. Bonus: c o m e t  p i l l s

Where 1910′s appearance was a spectacular sight and one of the closest approaches on record (coming within 22 million kilometers of Earth), 1986′s was the worst viewing conditions in 2,000 years. The comet passed within 63 million kilometers at its closest approach, and had the sun positioned between it and Earth, making it impossible to see from areas with any amount of light pollution, and almost invisible to all of the northern hemisphere. 

Historic events and settings:

Chapter 6 (Ostia): This was one of the chapters that I did a bunch of arguably unnecessary research for, since the history and the meat of the setting faded into the backdrop as the scene itself focused on dialogue and train of thought. The port town of Ostia was incredibly engrossing to read about, and between wikipedia’s ever-branching paths, ostia-antica.org, and ancient history encyclopedia’s entry, it ended up being one of the deeper rabbit holes I went down. My original intent for Aziraphale being in town was as a response to pirates sacking Ostia in 68 BC. I had him stationed there to guard against further attacks as the town rebuilt, and had him lingering because he was swept away by the romanticism of the art and the sea and the constant ebb & flow of people. I never found a way to work this in that didn’t feel super awkward and expository since the chapter was Crowley POV, so it was just left it as background noise.

Chapter 6 (pyramid of Cestius): Beyond being a magistrate of one of the four great religious corporations in ancient Rome (the Septemviri Epulonum), little is known about who Gaius Cestius actually was. As the city expanded, his lavish tomb was absorbed into the city walls (circa 3rd century AD), where it remains what he is remembered for to this day. I took most of my information from here (cross referenced with our lord and savior, Wikipedia) and had a chuckle at this poem by Thomas Hardy.

Chapter 8 (Plague of Justinian): The Yersinia pestis bacterium leaves no indicator on skeletal remains, meaning we rely on written records to track its path through history. The 6th century plague pandemic is the first recorded outbreak of bubonic plague, and for the purpose of our story, a certain distraught chronicler was the one on site, writing that history.

A note/cw: I wrote chapters 8 and 12 in October and November, respectively, and did much of my research for them over the summer. I imagine, given the current covid-19 pandemic, these sources would be less fun to follow up on now. Please be aware that the podcast episodes linked here, and the book cited in the miscellaneous refs section, get into pretty grisly details about illness and pandemics.

Chapters 8 and 12 (bubonic plague/The Black Death): I took a fair amount of my notes on bubonic/pnuemonic plague, specifically it’s path of destruction through Europe in the 14th century, from the two plague episodes of This Podcast Will Kill You. It’s pretty fascinating stuff and the Erins are great hosts, so check it out if you’re into delightful nerds bantering about epidemiology! 

Chapter 9 (the death of Peter of Atroa): Peter of Atroa was an abbot whose fame as a miracle-worker landed him in a scandal accusing him of exorcising demons by the power of Beelzebub, rather than God. Theodore the Studite’s letter cleared his name enough to avoid execution, but his reputation didn’t fully recover until after his death in 837 AD, when he was canonized as a saint. Peter and Theodore were tough to find extensive information on without passing through a paywall, so I took these scraps and ran a mile with them.

Chapter 13 (Tlatelolco, the Aztec Empire, the Feast of the Dead): I used this site as the source and starting point on much of my research on the Aztec Empire. And listen… I know it looks like a website for babies, and yes, I’m aware that a lot of the articles are literally written for a pre-teen audience, but it’s also one of the most concise, thorough, well-researched, and — perhaps most importantly — easily-searchable sources I found. Most of the pages cite papers and archaeological journals and I was able to jump to SO many other great sources of information. Mexicolore has my undying love and devotion for making my research process easy and fun and also having lots of pretty pictures.

Most of the physical descriptions for Tenochtitlan and Tlatelolco (surrounding landscape, canals and causeways, chinampas, etc.) started here.

Tenochtitlan and Tlatelolco were independent cities, but shared a border (kind of like a city and a suburb) and the small island on Lake Texcoco (located where present day Mexico City is). Tenochtitlan was the capital city of the Aztec Empire, and besides cross-referencing Mexicorlore, the link in the previous bullet point, and Wikipedia, I got a fair bit of information from these essays. 

Tlatelolco’s market was the major hub of trade and commerce, and saw 20-40,000 people trading PER DAY. Research on the market started here.

Chapter 14 (Terschelling and the Brandaris lighthouse): While I strove for historical accuracy as much as possible in this fic, I did take some liberties— especially with the island of Terschelling and the Brandaris lighthouse (yes, it’s real!) circa 1350-1435. 

The village of Brandarius is based on present day West Terschelling— a settlement founded as a direct result of the lighthouse. In the middle ages, both the village and the lighthouse were named after Saint Brandarius (or Brendan of Clonfert: ‘The Navigator’, ‘The Voyager’, ‘The Anchorite’, ‘The Bold’; patron saint of divers, mariners, and travellers). It’s still a relatively small village today, and it was a surprisingly difficult task to find historical records for Brandarius/West Terschelling dating back to the 14th century that say much beyond “it existed.” I loosely based the village off information found here, and named it “Brandarius” instead of “West Terschelling” based on the information found here. 

The original lighthouse was built in 1323, destroyed by the sea in 1570, and rebuilt in 1594. Since there were no records (that I could find) of what the original lighthouse looked like, I loosely based the height and floor plan on the current tower, and made up everything everything else about the interior. The interior was based on information about other live-in lighthouses, specifically this one which is roughly the same height as the Brandaris.

The present day Brandaris lighthouse sits directly in the middle of West Terschelling. For the sake of that sweet Self-Imposed Exile + Cryptid Lighthouse Keeper drama, I took the liberty of making my fictional village of Brandarius teeny tiny and setting it slightly apart from the lighthouse. 

Miscellaneous references:

In addition to the podcast, details about plague in chapters 8 and 12 were gleaned from the book The Great Mortality by John Kelly. It’s a cool read if you’re into nonfiction that reads like fiction, but does have some rather graphic passages so proceed with caution.

Yaretzi’s maquizcóatl/Aziraphale’s memento. To clarify, they were NOT the same item. I pictured Aziraphale cherishing the memory of the day by the lake with Yaretzi so much, that once he acquired the bookshop and had a place for all his kitsch, he hunted down a bad luck dragon of his own.

Here is the Aztec creation story about sun cycles and Earth’s rebirths that Yaretzi told Aziraphale. Another version of it.

In the scene in Mexico where Aziraphale briefly remembers, I used an analogy about a moment that hovers and flits away as “quick as a hummingbird.” Besides just liking the words, this was a nod to the legend of the cempasuchil flower. I originally had Yaretzi telling Aziraphale that story too, but the chapter was just way too long and something had to go.

In my very first outline, I had Aziraphale’s grief and personal growth chapter taking place at a Día de Muertos festival in Mexico. When the plot and the timeline finally got ironed out and I realized only half of that story was going to take place on Earth, I ended up focusing on Aziraphale’s brief relationship with Yaretzi instead of the festival itself (she was always the important bit). I also found myself married to the idea of that chapter happening in the 14th and 15th centuries, which meant the scenes in Mexico take place before Spain invaded and the festival was based solely on its Aztec roots. Because the plot shifted in this way, a lot of research went on behind the scenes that never made it into the fic, but for anyone interested in the Aztec Feast of the Dead, Mexicolore was my starting place again. From there, I found my way to reading about Mictecacíhuatl, the Aztec goddess of death, who was the main focus of the festival.

This isn’t research, but it might interest, like… three of you, so here you go. The scenes in Heaven (Aziraphale’s solo chapter in general tbh) were hard to write. One of those walls you hit with writing where you kick and punch and bang your head against it for months (literal months, I started wrestling with it in August and it didn’t come together until the end of January) but can’t seem to make any breakthroughs. Inspiration truly comes from unexpected places though, and when @gottagobuycheese sent me this Gregorian chant generator it actually… worked? I cranked that hum slider up to 100 and left it there for a few days (to the chagrin of my spouse) and lo— Zophiel.

There’s a cool legend about Saint Brendan of Clonfert’s sea-faring journey in search of the Garden of Eden that has nothing to do with this fic beyond being neat parallel. If that happens to be anyone’s cup of tea, the story is here. The tl;dr version is here. My original vision for the lighthouse included carved whales (St Brendan’s attribute) over the front door, and images from this story (the island of sheep, the Christmas island, the paradise island of birds) drawn on the walls of one of the bedrooms used by previous keepers’ children. Continuing the theme of “how stories echo” if you will. It felt really awkward and out of place once I wrote it in though, and that chapter was already so long once I got through all the plot bits I wanted, so it was left on the cutting room floor. 

Speaking of taking liberties with the 14th century, I did fudge the timing a bit on the art created by Crowley and Adrielle. Drawings, especially pencil sketches, have their historical roots in the late 15th century, and I’m chalking this one up to the fantastical setting of the Good Omens universe. In a fantasy world where angels and demons walk among us and the earth is literally 6,000 years old, I feel like inventing pencils 100 years early is small potatoes. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

This is the edition of A Midsummer Night’s Dream that Crowley nicked in Norwich. There are some really wonderful illustrations and scans of full pages under that link. I may or may not have lost a few hours down that research rabbit hole for a few throwaway lines (no regrets, I fall like Crowley). 

One last rabbit hole...

I saved this bit for the end of the post since it’s not really research and I don’t know how interested people will be in this kind of thing. Also... this is a lot more emotional and personal than the historical aspects of the fic. This is just what I was feeling and thinking while I was writing, and this story is absolutely the kind of thing I expect everyone to take something different away from. If you read the fic, took your own meaning from it, and want to keep that meaning without me tarnishing it by babbling about symbolism (first of all, high five, I love you, thank you for hanging out with me and my stories), then feel free to skip the rest of this post. <3

But! For anyone who wants to know more about what I had in mind with the flowers and nature metaphors I worked into the story, read on!

The tag “it’s an OT3 where Earth is the third” is something I really worked to pull to center stage. In my mind, Earth was a fully formed character who also spent the pre-Fall storyline being jerked around by God and having its memory wiped. It experienced transformations, pain, heartbreak, joy, and love just like Aziraphale and Crowley did, and I wrote it as falling in love with the two of them over the course of the Earth Project, then remaining very much in love for the entirety of iteration 23 (the current iteration). “Memories that are buried in places deeper than the mind” referred to the soul imprints being formed, but also Earth’s buried memories— seeping through the cracks to connect them via synesthesia in emotionally charged moments, allowing them to find each other from orbit in iterations 20 and 21 (music and the sea), and pulling them together in moments of distress like Constantinople and Barcelona.

In the vein of “Earth as a character,” I used plants (mainly flowers), topography, and weather as Earth’s “voice” in the grief chapters when Crowley and Aziraphale were separated from each other and going through their individual arcs. I’m not sure it technically counts as flower language, since all the flowers featured in the fic were wild and growing in nature, but (almost) all of them served a metaphorical purpose.

Flowers:

Jasmine (for the moon): Aziraphale’s flower. Love, beauty, sensuality, good luck, purity. The rational hedonist.

Marigolds (for the sun): Crowley’s flower. Grief and remembrance of the dead, lost love, the fragility of life, creativity, winning the affections of someone through hard work. The fallen artist.

Purple Hyacinth: Earth’s flower. Regret, sorrow, a desire for forgiveness. The witness. These were the wildflowers that grew in the orchard/vineyard on the penultimate Earth, where Aziraphale and Crowley managed to work out the differences they couldn’t by the sea. Hyacinths are also the hazy images they would see in those moments of vulnerability, compassion, and compromise. 

A fun aside! In very early drafts, the placeholder name I was using for angel Crowley was Jacinto, which is a Spanish/Portuguese name meaning “Hyacinth.” It was meant to be a reference to both the flower and the Greek myth of Apollo and Hyacinth, but my brain absolutely could not disconnect it from Manny Jacinto (and kept insisting on imagining Crowley calling Aziraphale homie and calling everything dope). Eventually I leaned into the Latin and landed on Joriel, then attached my banner to the Achilles and Patroclus myth instead of Apollo and Hyacinth, but the name Jacinto still makes me think of starmakers.

Honeysuckle & morning glory, climbing the oak tree: Aziraphale + Crowley + Earth. Seen in chapter 10, when Aziraphale and Crowley shake hands on the Arrangement. Two plants whose vines grow in opposing spirals. In nature, they have a symbiotic relationship, twining around each other in order to climb trees, walls, and fences, allowing both of them to grow higher than they could alone. 

Or: local woman sees this tweet, hasn’t known peace since.

The deasilwise / widdershins (clockwise / anticlockwise) thing got sprinkled throughout the story, with deasilwise being the “angel direction” and widdershins being the “demon direction.” Halley’s comet, with its backwards orbit, orbits the sun deasilwise, even after Crowley becomes widdershins.

Amaranth: Immortality, unfading affection, finding beauty in inaccessible places. 

The garden in the dunes and Petya’s travelling garden:

Where Aziraphale took a methodical, Kubler-Ross approach to dealing with loss, Crowley’s process was meandering and chaotic. The garden in the dunes was where it all came to a head— his way of throwing all of his emotions on the ground like a big jumbled pile of pick-up sticks, then slowly sorting through them and putting himself back together. There was a whole lot of Earth/flower speech going on in those scenes.

With the exception of zinnias, the garden was made up of perennials or self-sowing flowers. This happened “off-screen” as I could never find a decent way to work it in, but... the zinnias which Crowley bullied into being perennials returned to being annuals and died off after he left Terschelling and sometimes I still cry in the shower about it. 

Zinnias: Adrielle’s flower. Endurance, lasting friendship (especially friendships lasting through absence), goodness, daily remembrance. This one is also a small self-indulgence on my part since Adrielle was something of a self-insert. My mother loves zinnias and, growing up, our house was absolutely surrounded by them in the summer. Anywhere there was a free patch of dirt, Mom planted zinnias. They’re a scrappy, weird looking flower that doesn’t have a smell and a lot of people find rather ugly... and I love them with my entire heart. There is no flower on this earth that fills me with more whimsy, nostalgia, or childlike contentment. Also butterflies love them.

Chamomile: Patience. Fresh chamomile flowers are very aromatic and smell like apples.

Daisies: Transformation. Also simplicity, loyalty, and new beginnings.

Poppies: Restful sleep or recovery, peace in death, remembrance.

Tulips: Each tulip color has its own meaning, but the most common thing they symbolize is deep love. That said, I mainly chose this one for their prevalence in the Netherlands, as well as being very colorful perennials.

Pansies: The love or admiration that one person holds for another, free thinking, remembrance.

Lily of the valley: Rebirth, the return of happiness. They also have a very strong, very sweet smell and can grow in cool climates. These were the main reasons I chose it, rather than any of the religious connotations.

Lavender: Silence, devotion, serenity, grace.

Orchids: There’s... actually no deep symbolism with this one. Nothing intended anyway. Orchids, lavender, and cranberries are the dominant native plants on the island of Terschelling. I thought they’d be pretty in the dunes.

I am also a music-must-be-playing-at-all-times kind of person and I came out the other end of this project with FIFTEEN (15) playlists. Some of them are all instrumental playlists that I used to set the mood while I wrote certain scenes/segments, others are lyrical and tell a story or helped me sort out the story, some chapters got entire playlists all to themselves (looking at you, 14th century). The main playlists are linked in the notes on AO3, but I may collect them all in a tumblr post at some point if there’s an interest.

This entire project was an enormous labor of love that took up pretty much all of my free time for six months. So, if you read this far... thank you for coming on such a long journey with me!! Truly, deeply, and from every corner of my heart, thank you for reading. <3

[socialfake]

Hey maybe you can make something like Shawn cheated on you becz you were a chubby and had a lot of insecurities.he cheated on you with a celebrity.after taht break up you had a hard time being dipression not loving yourself.Then at a point of time you gather yourself and end up being a total badass and hot person and famous too then when you met Shawn at a riff off (you can continue) tysm<3

Your Side of The Bed

Shawn Mendes x singer!reader

Warnings: body shaming, implied depression and insecurity, cheating

face claim: luna montana 💕

I wasn‘t sure how to include the riff off in this 🤔 I hope you like this nevertheless ☺️

liked by shawnmendes, dualipa and 56.990 others

yourinstagram studio days >>>>>

view all comments

shawnmendes thank you so so much for finally trusting me with your voice baby 🤍 can’t wait to have you on the single!!

yourinstagram it took me long enough 😚

fan1 ewww look at her fat legs 🤮 he cannot be into her like for real

-> liked by dualipa

fan2 she really got the weirdest body shape ever lol

realfan1 wth she‘s sitting down and on like a bar stool how is anyone supposed to look normal in that? she is literally so beautiful!! ♥️

fan2 yea okay but she‘s still fat

niallhoran whaaat are you finally recording some tunesssss? 🤩

yourinstagram yeaaaa i did a lil something with my boi 🙈

dualipa omg i gotta visit you in the studio sooon bby 💜

yourinstagram only doing back vocals for now hehe

dualipa kay then shawnmendes will have to keep me company 😌

yourinstagram 🙂🙂🙂

liked by shawnmendes, yourinstagram and others

dualipa what happens in the studio stays in the studio 🔥

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zendaya lol hopefully not! i am ready for some hits 🤓

shawnmendes 🥵🤫

yourinstagram uhm what?? 😅

liked by billieeilish and 76.877 others

yourinstagram 🤡🤡🤡 @ shawnmendes

comments disabled

liked by niallhoran, billieeilish and 157.320 others

yourinstagram sorry for being inactive on my socials for the past couple weeks. certain circumstances had me rolling up in a ball, crying and overthinking but I feel so much better now and i have been able to gain strength from the pain. good times are coming and y‘all better buckle the fuck up

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fan1 omfg she is back!!! and looking so freaking good wow babe 🔥🤩

niallhoran happy to see you on here again :) can‘t wait to see your smile tho 😁

yourinstagram currently getting used to smiling again 😈

fakefan1 oh god life was better when i didn‘t have to see her ugly face on here. sounds like she is working on something tho and judging from her toxic break up with shawn i‘m guessing it‘s gonna be good oof

yourinstagram how can you be so fucking disrespectful and trying to support me at the same time??? get outta here lmao 😩

fan2 I AM CRYING I CANNOT BELIEVE SHES BACK OMGGGG 😭 life finally makes sense again

-> liked by yourinstagram

liked by niallhoran, shawnmendes and 189.035 others

yourinstagram smiling because „Your Side of The Bed“ MY FIRST EVER SINGLE WILL BE OUT IN T MINUS 1 MONTH!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT BESTIES??? 💛

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billieeilish best news everrr!

yourinstagram right??? 🥺

-> liked by yourinstagram and niallhoran

zendaya u r so hot 🔥

-> liked by niallhoran

fan1 OHHHH I CANT FUCKING WAIT!!1!11!!! i am so proud of you bebe 🥺 your first single omg!!

yourinstagram thanks bestie 💛

liked by niallhoran, arianagrande and 208.440 others

yourinstagram 'Cause since you left it's one, two, three

Now he's coming in close to me

I can't sleep, 'cause he's where you're supposed to be and…. Your Side of The Bed“ out in 3 days!!! 💕

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arianagrande you are so gorgeous babe 💕 so excited!!

-> liked by yourinstagram

fan1 holy moly it‘s happening so soon omg!!1! these pictures have me on edge for the single 🥵

yourinstagram same i‘ve been so jittery these past days lol 💕

niallhoran what happens in the studio stays in the studio goes for photoshoots as well btw

yourinstagram you wanna stay there?? who‘s gonna take his side of the bed then? 😌

fan2 WHAT??? IS??? HAPPENING??? HERE???

yourinstagram wait for the song honey 😈

[mitsukui]

put your lips like this | f.w.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x reader.

Summary: there is a secret buried inside your heart that is keeping you from going to the Yule Ball. However, Fred decides to be the greatest of friends and  teach you one thing or two.

Word Count: 2.1k - oops...

Warnings: none! Just a whole lot of fluff! ✨ Oh, there is a curse word towards the ending.

Disclaimer: none of the pictures used in the edit below belong to me; I simply put them together.

A/N: HAPPY HOLIDAYS, BABIES! *aggressively listens to ‘My Boo’, by Usher and Alicia Keys*. Not to be dramatic, but James Phelps with long hair could punch me right in the face, and I would thank him. Please, leave me some feedback if you feel like it! My askbox is open for your opinions, thoughts and requests. Thank you so much for your time and attention!  ♡

Masterlist!

“You know I’m good at keeping secrets, so just tell me already! C’mon, tell me why you don’t want to go to the Yule Ball.”

A heavy and utterly annoyed sigh left your lips. Fred Weasley – that prick! – had been tormenting you the entire day. You knew he was a curious soul, but you had never imagined he would try so hard to make you spill one of your secrets out.

It was not something you fancied sharing; actually, it was something that made you feel rather pathetic and embarrassed. How could you tell your friend, whom you had unexpectedly developed feelings for, that you had never been kissed?

Curiosity and anticipation were emanating from his figure as he whispered soft ‘tell me’s, and moved anxiously on his chair. You fidgeted with the quill in your hand before you sighed once more. It did not seem like he was going to give up on solving that mystery any time soon. “Alright, fine. I will tell you. But only if you promise you will act as if nothing had ever happened.”

“Pinky promise!” He immediately dropped his own quill and extended his right hand towards you, his little finger waiting up to be intertwined with yours. Your eyes studied his hand, and you did not fail to notice how big and veiny they were.

Oh, Godric, the voice that took form of your consciousness echoed in your head, this boy is going to be the death of me.

Reluctantly, you closed your textbook and put your quill down on the wooden table, these two actions being followed by the connection between your fingers. His tongue poked the inside of his cheek, the similarity to a little boy that he carried in his behavior causing you to chuckle. However, your good spirits soon vanished away when you came to the realization you now had to tell him the truth. You had never been good at lying, for all it mattered.

He beamed widely at you, and he had his ears ready to capture all the words that were about to slip from your lips. But nothing was coming out of them, and a slight impatience resulted in his eyebrows being furrowed together. Fred went back to whispering words to hurry you into opening up, and the situation just overwhelmed your inexperienced heart.

It was all too much: you could not bear with the fact that he was staring so intensely at you, nor with the fact that you were about to tell him you saw yourself as a ridiculously stupid teenager who had never felt a pair of lips brushing against their own.

“I don’t really know how to do the whole…kissing thing. And I refuse to go to the Yule Ball because of it, given that chances of being kissed by your date are high.”

Your confession came out as a train losing its track – fast, unruly and through gritted teeth. Although you were deeply ashamed of that part of you, his face expressed the total opposite of any of your feelings.

His eyebrows were still furrowed together, but now scoff dripped from his words. “Yeah, right. And George is more handsome than me.”

You could swear your heart skipped a beat at that moment. Blinking in the rawest surprise your body could internally gather, you stared at him and waited for him to say anything else. You were lost for words. How could he not believe you?

“I mean, you’re incredibly beautiful. And I know you have a few people interested in you.” When you raised an eyebrow at his latter words, he was quick to snap back at you. “I’ve noticed how that Ravenclaw boy looks at you.”

Even though there was an inconspicuous blush tainting your face due to his compliments, you waved his words off and laughed shyly. He probably was just acting nice towards you. That was a huge characteristic of the Weasley family – being raised by an amazing woman like Molly herself made such a thing come out naturally.

You remained quiet for a few moments, your heart beating fast in your chest and your eyes staring out the library windows. You still had a hard time believing you had just confessed your deepest secret to your love interest, but it was of no use crying over spilt milk. If he were one to keep his promises, one of your rare studying sessions with Fred Weasley would soon return to normal.

But what if he started pitying you for it? Or what if he stopped talking to you, once he concluded your universes did not collide? He surely was vastly experienced when it came down to kissing. Kissing Fred Weasley would probably be the biggest honor of your life.

Unconsciously, your eyes left the windows and roamed the surroundings until they reached his lips. It was almost as if the whole world had stopped.

Fred had thin lips, but they seemed to be astonishingly soft for someone who caused as much trouble as he did. His upper lip was subtly curved, and you were mesmerized by every single little detail you could visually grasp. That moment would haunt your thoughts for a long time, once it was pure cruelty how you had fallen out of love – the one you loved did not love you back.

But you were terribly wrong about that. Fred had been experiencing some shifts on his feelings towards you lately. He had watched you blossom into a charming young girl, and there was something about you hitting hard on his heart. And, frankly speaking, after he caught you looking at his lips, he would be in heaven if he ever got the chance to kiss you.

“Come on. Let’s get out of here.” He helped you gather all of your belongings with a gentle smile hanging on his lips and, once more, you swore your heart was melting away over everything he did.

As you walked out of the library together, dipped in a somewhat agonizing silence, you felt his fingers brushing against yours, which caused you to instantly look at him. “Can I hold your hand while we walk?”

Holy moly, what did he just say? Your consciousness was again alarmed at the scenario taking place right in front of your eyes. Okay. Keep calm. Don’t freak out.

“Y-Yeah, I guess.”

He did not waste any time on ending the ridiculously small distance between your hands. However, he did not simply hold your hand in his; he intertwined your fingers together, and gave your hand a light squeeze. His eyes fell upon you, and his gorgeous smile grew wider. You could not help but smile along.

You continued on walking together in silence, the only tangible thing between you and Fred being the tiny circles his thumb drew on your skin. If it were possible to describe your feelings, one would choose the talk about fireworks, or waves violently crashing on rocks on a breathtaking beach.

He unquestionably would be the death of you.

He tugged on your hand once you stopped in a deserted hallway. There was something astounding about the fact that he was able to find a calm and quiet place on Hogwarts, but he had always been like a box full of surprises to you. And he was also really good at knowing all the best places in the castle.

You smiled at him, the riddle he was presenting filling your chest with amusement. “What are we doing here?” All of the terrors you felt earlier returned to you, and you felt like withdrawing. “Wait. We are not here so you can lecture me on kissing, right?! Because, if we are, I would very much like to lea-“

Fred abruptly shushed you, stepping closer to your body and gently pushing your back against a wall. His eyes darted up and down your face, and he grinned cunningly down at you. He was so much taller than you, and the sight of him towering over you was quite intimidating.

“I’m gonna be your kissing instructor.”

Bitch, said what?! Your eyes widened in shock, his fingers reached out to place a lock of hair behind your ear, and your biggest wish was to evaporate. With your head shaking vigorously, and your lips being pressed together in a disappearing line, you exclaimed you would never accept that.

You could never allow physical intimacy to destroy your friendship with Fred Weasley. It was better to have him as a friend than not having him at all.

He found your actions to be absolutely adorable, the desire to consume your innocence growing bigger and bigger each second. “I’m only trying to help you out, y’know. If that Ravenclaw boy is not willing to claim these luscious lips, I sure am.”

Your cheeks erupted in a dark red shade, and you looked away from him, unable to take it for any longer. He was now evidently playing with your feelings, and you did not know how to deal with his attitude.

You were torn apart between accepting his kiss and pushing him away. It could go two ways: you would either kiss him and dismiss all of your feelings and expectations, or you would fall even harder for him. You were not exactly leaning towards neither option.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while now.” He murmured his confession as he briefly dodged his eyes from your face as well. It was unusual to see the great Fred Weasley embarrassed but, apparently, it was happening right in your face. “So, please, let me be your first kiss. I promise I’ll be gentle.”

Your gaze moved back to him and he also had a light pink flush on his cheeks. He looked painfully handsome at that moment, with his freckles splattered all over his skin, and his lips trembling slightly. Your eyes met, and both of you smiled timidly. You were swooning.

“Okay.”

“Okay.” He repeated your monosyllabic answer and nodded a bit, mostly to himself, assuring he would finally feel his lips on his. “I’m gonna put my hands on your hips now.”

And he did. Both of his hands ghosted over your body until they reached your hips. He pulled you a little bit closer to his chest, and his scent tickled your nose. You felt like electrical waves were rushing through your entire body, and you wondered how you had managed not to faint.

“Look, do what I’m doing.” Fred parted his lips slightly and tilted his head to his left side a bit, his eyelashes fluttering until he finally closed his eyes. He looked heavenly, but you could never admit that and put yourself into an even more vulnerable position.

An almost inaudible snicker rang in his ears, and he soon opened his eyes and looked at you. You confessed he looked quite silly like that, but he ignored your comment and ordered you to mimic him again. His voice was low and his warm breath hit your face gently. You finally obeyed, feeling all jittery and anxious.

You looked captivating in his eyes, and he was ready to show you how amazing a tad of intimacy could be.

He leaned down, bringing your lips together in an extremely slow brush against each other. “Put your lips like this.” And, a second time, you did as he told you to, copying all of his actions.

It did not take long for him to finally involve your uneasy lips with his own. He started out by giving small pecks onto your skin, but his hunger got too big and he demanded more.

Your small silhouette was pressed even harder to his body, and he touched your lower lip with his tongue, asking for permission to feel more of you. Your attempts to continue moving according to him went on, and you thought it was a good sign he had not stopped you yet.

Once the velvet-feeling of his tongue came in touch with yours, he groaned against your lips, which caused you to use both of your hands to hold onto his robes tightly.

The kiss went on for a few more moments until you and Fred were breathless, and you had to break away to learn how to cope with oxygen again.

It was difficult to find words to talk about whatever had just happened, but you mumbled a shy ‘thank you’, which he replied to with ‘don’t mention it’.

Kissing was not as horrible as you thought it would be. 

And, after all, maybe going to the Yule Ball could be quite nice if you had enough luck to get Fred Weasley to be your date and kiss you again.

[chriistianserratos]

˙ ˖ ˙ ˖ ˙ ˖ ♢  CAH everything box !  pt. 4  /  sentence starters  ♢ ˙ ˖ ˙ ˖ ˙ ˖

these are taken from the black cards in the cards against humanity everything box ; tweaked to make sense ; mild nsfw

❛  ready or not, here comes ____ !  ❜

❛  ____, as your legal counsel, i must strongly advise against ____  ❜

❛  you ____, bro ?  ❜

❛  i only saw my father cry twice: once after mom died, and once after ____  ❜

❛  every tuesday, i purchase a box of donuts. i sit on the toilet. i eat the donuts. i remember ____ and cry  ❜

❛  incredible !  biologists have discovered an octopus capable of ____  ❜

❛  my vagina is ____  ❜

❛  as a feminist, i cannot support ____  ❜

❛  my penis is ____  ❜

❛  what’s better when clowns are involved ?  ❜

❛  it’s very simple. you give me sex. i give you ____  ❜

❛  pssst. you go around back. i’ll distract the guards with ____ ��❜

❛  you’re on a first date. what’s an instant red flag ?  ❜

❛  what’s kind of sad, kind of beautiful, but also kind of funny ?  ❜

❛  men like ____  ❜

❛  are college students being radicalized by ____ ?  ❜

❛  a single man in possession of a good fortunate, must be in want of ____  ❜

❛  how am i going to die ?  ❜

❛  i would like six identical pastries in the shape of ____  ❜

❛  hey, check out my podcast !  ❜

❛  life is like ____. you never know what you’re gonna get  ❜

❛  i’m ____  ❜

❛  holy MOLY !  ❜

❛  i’m proud to endorse ____  ❜

❛  i chose ____, and that has made all the difference  ❜

❛  you only get one shot, do not miss your chance for ____  ❜

❛  what’s big, sweaty, and fantastic ?  ❜

❛ ��my favorite rapper is ‘lil ____’  ❜

❛  we enjoy ____ together  ❜

[bibbykins]

Thrills Found On Solid Ground (M)

A/N: I snagged a work at home job! (yay!) Less hours though, which is bittersweet. I will be a little strapped for cash, so I will link my ko-fi below and anything helps, really. I am considering opening up comisions, if anyone would like that, let me know! Less hours means way more time to write so color me a happy camper. As way to celebrate positive changes, and in honor of me putting in my two weeks at my current job, enjoy the next installment in the Soft Yandere BTS fics! Let me know how you feel about it, and I hope you enjoy. 

Genre: Fluff, smut, angst if you squint a bit

Word Count: 9.4k

Pairing: Soft Yandere! Namjoon x Reader

Warnings: yandere tendencies, toxic traits, obsessive and posessive male, subtly unhealthy relationship, vaginal sex, cunnilingus

Summary: You had always been an idiot, you mistook this as being a risk-taker, a wild adrenaline junkie. As a result, you found yourself on some dating app, then on a bad date, then on a skywalk 1,000 ft above ground. Looking down, you felt impending doom, clutching to anything, or anyone, you could. You couldn’t have known the stanger you clutched onto, in the middle of two skyscrapers, too high above solid ground, had no plans to let you go.

The sky was clear, the wind combed through your scalp gently, and you watched the world below go about their daily routine. It was a cool day with an overcast, especially for summer, and you would have much rather stayed inside to witness it. 

The sky was an ocean to drown in, the air was unbelievably thin, and the people below just looked like little ants to squash with your body hurling to the concrete. 

What the fuck were you doing up here?! 

You never take risks like this. The harness was choking you out and all you wanted to do was lay down in bed, but here you were: 2,000 ft above your comfort zone and shaking in the middle of log suspended in the sky, the next step looking farther and farther. 

It was a dumb idea to put adrenaline junkie in you online dating profile. It was even dumber of you to try and live up to it.

Namjoon, on the other hand, was making his merry way along the gapped bridge. He was in black slacks and a gray button-up, feeling a bit silly with the harnas as well as he walked along in his Oxfords. It was the perks of being a PR head, enjoying the more wild attractions sponsored by the company he was executive for. However, this time, he was to see if this was worthwhile to put the company's name on. Ever the stickler, he only ever trusted his opinion on the matter and not a subordinate's. 

He hopped along each log with a small smile, dimples prominent. Yes, he was enjoying himself, but he did feel quite ludicrous in his work clothes hopping along the city skyline. He was still having a good experience, it was serene yet daring, he could see the prospective hype. He felt almost like-

“I'm gonna die!” Namjoon jumped at the pure panic less than five feet behind him, causing him to turn around and bear witness to the scene you hadn't intended to make.

There you were, lip quivering, knees shaking, body quaking entirely as your hands searched desperately for something to hold you steady, “I'm the biggest fucking idiot!” You wailed as staff members began to strap themselves in to retrieve you. However, when the bridge shook with one of their jumps onto the bridged, you begged them to stop, the tears pouring from your face in a way Namjoon had never seen, or bothered to look at before.

It was a pitiful sight, really. You were a pretty girl, and judging by your presentation, only did this as a way to boost confidence. In his study of you, Namjoon hadn't noticed the way you hopped onto his log the moment he was about to turn around. You grasped his hand and he could feel the gravity of your fear.

“Hey, hey.” Your eyes were screwed shut on the log as you held this strangers hand, his voice trying to bring you back to reality, “You… alright?” You shook your head.

For the first time in his life, Namjoon had no knowledge of what to do. A girl was shaking violently and looking to him, of all people, to soothe her. At work, most people avoided his eyes in fear of being reprimanded. He was domineering and had a demanding presence, but here you were, demanding some comfort from him.

“I'm stupid.” You mumbled as you pushed your head into his chest, making a blush of shock and embarrassment bloom on his cheeks. He wasn’t used to such skinship, let alone from a woman. This was more intimate than his run-of-the-mill tussle in the sheets with one-night stands. He should be shoving you away, but you were so, so, soft.  “This is why I never leave my house.” 

There was something endearing about the odd scenario that Namjoon fought down. He had been through such a song and dance. He's been the love at first sight guy and it never went well. He was not a boy anymore, he was a businessman, one of the most intimidating executives, and yet, you clung to him like a ledge keeping you upright.

Namjoon didn't know what else to do but comfort you as he embraced you shaking form in his arms, “I doubt it,” He spoke softly, “What's your name?” He didn't know what he was doing, but this felt right enough.

“Y/n, you?” You jumped when you felt the bridge move, squeezing the stranger before you a little harder, making yourself cringe at how unsightly you were being, sighing out in a labored cry, “I’m so annoying.” You whimpered.

In reality, Namjoon should let the workers come retrieve you. The logical part of him knew this much. This was more than likely not an uncommon occurrence and they were trained to do this sort of rescue mission. Even so, he wasn't ready to relinquish his rights as safe haven to someone who carelessly shook the bridge and you to the very core.

Namjoon glared to the worker, gesturing to the sign that demanded only two people on the bridge at a time, to which the worker retracted, “Namjoon.” He felt a wave of inexplicable panic crash through him when he felt your grip loosen from his shirt, “Are you ready to walk-”

You shook your head, “I'm an idiot for even getting up here.” Evidently, you couldn't think straight.

“You certainly don't seem like an idiot.” His deep voice soothed your racing thoughts, “Maybe a little naive but-”

“Tell me about it.” You breathed a shaky laugh, “Would you believe me if I told you I was on a date?” 

His jaw tightened. Who in their right mind would consider this a good date idea for a recluse? He scanned the area only to see an irritated guy shaking his head before proceeding to the exit. Good. He would only get in the way. 

“First one too, so I don't see a second one happening.” You chuckled a bit, enjoying the feeling of the mystery man rubbing your back, “Considering I look more like yours.”

Mine. Mine. Mine. It didn't have a bad ring to it. Maybe the isolation kept his sanity at bay as the smell of your hair grew more and more intoxicating.

“And especially since you've found a new date during it.” You could hear the smirk in his voice and the flirting distracted you from the way he picked you up ever so slightly and took a step towards the next log. His legs were long enough to walk over the gap of sky you so feared.

“What a terrible date you're on then.” You giggled a bit, eyes simply closed as opposed to slammed shut.

“I beg to differ.” He took another step as you were none the wiser, “I've known you for less than an hour and I'm already thinking of where our next one will be.” Now the only thing keeping your eyes closed was the embarrassment of the effect his deep voice had on you.

“H-Hopefully not stranded in the middle of two skyscrapers.” You offered a chuckle as Namjoon made it across to the last step.

“Who's stranded?” His smug voice prompted you to look down only to see concrete. Sweet, sweet concrete.

The shriek of joy you let out when you noticed the stable ground under you was reward enough for Namjoon. When you wrapped your arms around his neck to engulf him in your form, it was bliss, “You're a magician!” You gushed, “I didn't even notice! I barely even felt it! I can't believe I'm alive!” Never in his life had Namjoon seen someone so expressive and fearlessly full of emotion. You went as far as kissing his check, “My fucking hero right here!” You squealed.

Namjoon's body almost seized when he felt your soft lips on his face. You were indeed naive, however, he quite enjoyed what it meant for him. The feeling of your body against his and lips on his face was addicting. He didn't want to let you go. Ever. You were a feeling he had been chasing for what feels like years and he didn't even know it. You were a missing chunk to a fulfilling life he thought he had. He could not let you walk to ground level without a promise to see you again, and again, and again, and-

“Holy moly!” Your gasp snapped Namjoon back to the present. Your eyes were wide as you scanned his face, “You're so pretty!” Your hands cupped his face, “You're like straight out of a romance novel.” You mused mindlessly, you evidently had no filter or sense of personal space. He wondered if you grew up deprived of personal touch or with it all along. Namjoon lost himself in the wonder you held in your eyes. You had a certain innocence that he couldn't quite understand, so trusting. It was in his starlorn gaze that you shook yourself back to reality, “Oh my, I am making a terrible first impression.” You murmured, hands beginning to robotically retract only to have Namjoon hold them in place, “Just touching on you like that, so creepy.” You scolded yourself.

“I beg to differ.” He mused and you realized how well his voice fit his adonis-like face. His smile was warm, making you forget the chill of being up so high. His thumb stroked the back of your hand, “You're hands are… soft.” It was a warm smile with two of the cutest dimples you've seen to accompany it.

“I'm a sculptor-artist-uh-person.” You fumbled through the sentence, not wanting to seem like you're bragging or assigning a title to yourself, “Hence the touching, your facial proportions are really pleasing to the eye and-”

“So are yours.” The giggle that left your mouth was embarrassing to say the least. Never had you been this blatantly flirted with. Never had you liked flirting this much.

“You’re trying to make me swoon right off this roof, huh?” You smiled as you wiped the dried tears around your eyes, trying to salvage whatever makeup was left.

“If there’s anything I've proven today,” He leaned down to look you in the eyes, “It’s that the only way I’m letting you fall,” He brought his mouth to your ear and you shivered, “is if it’s for me.”

“You’re silly.” You broke out into a contagious smile.

----

“And just like that, he enchanted me.” You sighed willfully, “He’s really such a prince.” You mused, eyes closing to envision him, “We've been kinda seeing each other for a little over three months, and it’s been great, so I’m trying to surprise him today with a cute coffee break at work, but I’ve never seen him in action in the serious business world, so I’m nervous.”

The barista at the counter gave you an uneasy smile, “That’s nice, ma’am, so uh… would that be with cream and sugar?” 

Your eyes snapped open, “Sorry, right, coffee,” You smacked your cheeks lightly.

“You’re holding up the line!” A man groaned behind you as the other two people behind him avoided eye contact.

“Like yelling at me is gonna make me go faster!” You retorted before turning to the barista, “Yes, please, sorry.” You smiled and he returned it before handing you your tray with two coffee cups and a scone accompanied by a chocolate croissant, “Thank you!” You called as you walked out of the shop, throwing a glare to the man, “Have a great day.” You quipped to him before making your way into the main floor of the skyscraper.

The secretary seemed to assume you were Namjoon’s assistant and informed you that he was on floor 27 and in meeting room 2. You didn’t bother to correct her, instead, you sent her a bright smile as you made your plight to the 27th floor. Your stomach was churning and you couldn’t tell if it was because of the climb or the impromptu date you were trying to have. What if he was embarrassed by you? He was evidently out of your league, even if he never made you feel like that was the case. He was the most gentle and kind man you had ever encountered, but he did say he was different at work. Would he not want you here? Were you being too clingy? He did say he missed you this morning, but he also could have been just saying that. It had only been a couple weeks since you have been dating and he hadn't even kissed your lips yet. Maybe he saw you as more of a friend instead of what you wanted. Maybe you should just go home.

The ding of the elevator told you it was too late to turn back now. 

You put on a brave face as you turned a couple of corners to find meeting room 2. You opted to wait until the meeting was over prior to going on. At least that was the plan, until the door swung open to hit your head reveal a string of stiff men and women all leading up to a very straight-faced Namjoon. The man who opened the door seemed to be sweating with a fearful look in his eyes as you rubbed your head.

 “Ow, sorry.” You murmured, “Definitely my fault for standing so close-”

“Hwang, what is the matter now…” Namjoon's stern voice quickly trailed off as he met your eyes. The hardness in his eyes immediately softened, only to harshen when he noticed one hand rubbing your head and a look of pain crossing your face, “Meeting is adjourned, we will continue after lunch.” Namjoon spoke up to the bewildered room as he strode to your side, replacing your hand with his as he swiftly took the carrier from your other hand, “Maybe then you will have something worthy of my time to show me.” He quipped as he walked you wordlessly to his office. You took note of the shiver that ran down each of the employee's spines, none of them even taking note of your experience with their heads down in shame or fear, or both.

Namjoon's office was spacious to say the least, most likely half of your apartment. He was so silent you had wondered if you made him angry too. However, as soon as the door shut, he placed the tray on a coffee table and pulled you into a hug, placing a kiss on your head, “Joonie-”

“Are you alright?” He mumbled on the small bump you were developing. You were bewildered at the sudden affection. It was a definite switch from the scary businessman you encountered earlier, “Sweet pea?”

You snapped out of your thoughts with a small jolt, “Yeah, it's just a little dink.” You smiled softly against his chest, “Nothing to fret over.” You sighed softly in his embrace as a smirk grew on your face, “Sweet pea, huh?”

His chest vibrated with a small chuckle as he loosened his grip to look at you properly. His hands cradled your face as he stared at you with a genuine smile, the one you knew and loved, “Sweet pea indeed.” He hummed, “I find it suits you well.” You felt your face heat at this and your face told Namjoon the situation on its own as his smile grew more smug, “So, what has you gifting me with your presence today?”

Namjoon was always happy to see you. Admittedly, too happy. He felt himself falling into a certain love for you that he found to be timed way too soon. He felt his emotions begin to scare him, and he felt a strong need to fire the idiot that hit you with the door. However, when you were with him, everything was okay, just like you said it was. You were the master to his emotions and it terrified him.

“I wanted to surprise you with a small coffee date.” You chirped, “Surprise?” You presented the coffee on the table with a small smile.

Namjoon sat the both of you down on the white leather couch he had in his office, “Thank you.” He was the first to break the silence and you returned it with a quaint smile, “However, I can't help but feel like you're muting yourself.”

You were stiff as a board when he said that. Initially, it was a surprise date, but the elevator ride gave you time to doubt everything. Ideally, you wanted to get clarification on what Namjoon wanted from you, but the words were like a lump of clay in the back of your throat. If you said one, they would all come out.

“Well, it's stupid, really.” You nervously let out a small chuckle, “Childish, possibly?” Your eyes were transfixed on the leather below you.

His hand went to grip your chin and pull your eyes back go him. Your gaze was a drug, “Give me your thoughts, sweet pea.” 

You shivered as you looked into his eyes, “I just want to know if… you like me, like I like you.” You forced out, only to try to turn your head away in vain due to his grip, “Oh, I feel silly.” You struggled for a moment, only to huff, "What do you think about me?"

Namjoon fought the urge to clench his jaw. The truthful answer to your question wasn't healthy. He needed more time to work through his intense emotions for you prior to acting on them. He wanted nothing more than to kiss you roughly, pin you to this couch, and have you feel what he thought about after each of your dates. However, he should not, by any means, feel the need to do such. And yet, he did. The way you made him feel so needed and the way he craved you so intensely in return was intoxicating. 

He, instead, gave you a polite smile as he took a sip of his coffee, "I think you're adorable." Not technically a lie, but not the full truth you wanted.

Namjoon looked down at the scone, missing your dejected face. What the hell did that mean? Did he not see you as a woman? Were you just his cute friend? Had you been that childish, pining after a man who did not feel the same? You quickly shook the thoughts when Namjoon looked at you and you returned the smile. He noticed how it wasn't nearly as bright as usual and your eyes didn't hold its usual sparkle. Had he done something wrong?

The date, you were less and less sure whether or not to even call it such, went on just as all your others had. 

"So how is your exhibition coming along?" He asked as he sipped the coffee.

You smiled and melted at the dimples that came when he returned it, "It's a process," You droned, "Being an artist is all fun and games until you have to pick which snack table won't clash with your work, and don’t even get me started about the business-y things, so boring." You rolled your eyes, "I know what I’m doing, and I know I’m good at it but I almost wish I had a manager, but isolation has become a part of my aesthetic at this rate." 

"Well, you always have me," Your heart tugged, "I could help you, always, even just picking a snack table." 

You shook your head politely, "I wouldn't wish that on you, Joon." You joked, "You'd think doing the art would be the hardest part of an exhibit, but the stuffy details are agonizing." You droned on, you always felt so comfortable with Namjoon, even if his unofficial rejection weighed in the back of your mind, "Like, who cares about the champagne or dress code, just buy or enjoy my art." You huffed, "I understand I'm lucky to have a career, but sometimes my passion can feel like such a...job." You sighed, "I sound like a spoiled brat."

Namjoon placed his hand on your head delicately, "As someone around stuffy people, and a stuffy person, I understand it's exhausting." He gave you a reassuring smile, "You're not a brat, you're an artist." He placed a hand on your knee, "You put so much whimsy into the world and deserve to experience that in return." 

You giggled at this, "Thank you, but you're not stuffy, Joon," You hesitated for a moment, "Heck, you're the coolest guy I know." You offered in favor of your thoughts swarming around. The pain getting harder and harder to ignore.

You made Namjoon laugh, he made you laugh. You both talked about work, but you chose not to comment on his work persona, less and less confident about what to even say anymore. You said goodbye to Namjoon with a small hug, as you always did, and left wordlessly.

Namjoon couldn't help but have a bad feeling as he watched you step into the elevator. Your lip quivered right before the doors shut. Something happened during your date, and for the first time, he had no idea. He surely had to be blinded by his own feelings for you to properly read you. Suppressing these feelings were evidently affecting him, but it was what he had to do to play the long game. 

You began to cry when the elevator doors closed, eyes screwed shut as your shoulders shook with your sobs. Namjoon showed you that you wanted a relationship, and yet, it didn't seem like he wanted one, let alone with you. 

"H-Hey, don't cry," A hesitant voice caused you to jump, face detaching from your hands as you turned to face the man from this morning.

"You're that...meanie." You sniffled, evidently confused.

He smiled awkwardly, "I'm sorry I was such a prick earlier." He looked uneasy, hand scratching the back of his neck.

You sniffled again, "No, it's not you, I just…" You choked on a sob.

"I doubted it was, but I also doubt I made your day any easier." He spoke softly, "I was visiting my sister at work and she's a nightmare, so I was just taking it out on other people."

"Nobody's perfect." You smiled a bit, before it quickly fell, "Especially me." You whined before sobbing again. 

Your sobs were cut off when the man put a hand on your shoulder, "Bad breakup?" You shrugged and he sighed sympathetically, "I know this cry, I do have a sister, ya know?" You lifted your head a bit and his hands wiped the tears that nearly dried on your cheeks, "I can just tell you're a good person." He smiled a bit and you mirrored it, "Any other person would have smacked me sideways earlier, I would've." You breathed a small chuckle that only grew when he grabbed your wrist to make your hand hit his face, "Here, ow." He only ceased when the elevator doors opened to a busy lobby, eyes all on him.

You broke out into full laughter as you both stepped out of the elevator, "Sorry." You giggled to the people in the lobby.

"Nothing to see here." He smiled awkwardly as you both made a bee-line for the exit. When you breached the building you let out a hearty laugh.

"You're funny." You couldn't suppress your laughter.

"Yes, but I'm also Seunghyun, actually." He bowed dramatically.

Your laughter finally died down into a smile, "I'm y/n." You curtsied in response with a chuckle, "Thanks for making me forget about my morning." 

"Why don't I give you a better afternoon?" He offered slyly and you paused for a moment. You were more than ready to say no. You had Namjoon after all, right? "I can take you to a nice lunch place and you can take as long as you want to order, I promise." You looked back at the skyscraper. Namjoon was always above you, wasn't he? "I may even pay."

You smiled graciously at Seunghyun, "Of course you will, you owe me." You playfully said, skipping ahead of the stuttering man.

Namjoon sat at his desk, back facing the window where his worst nightmare would be in clear view. Instead, he scrolled lovingly through the texts you both shared. He carefully thought about how to bring up dinner for tonight. Despite not even asking yet, he had already fantasized about what you would wear. Maybe tonight would be the night he would get a kiss from your lips. He sent the text in the midst of his fantasies. Would you wear lipstick-

You said no.

You rejected him.

You said you had a date.

Namjoon stood promptly to avoid crushing his phone with his bare hands. Never in his life had a woman rejected him, and when the one he craved so desperately did, he did not react gracefully. Not that anything he had done upon meeting you had been graceful. Even so, they were merely fail-safes, and he had failed. 

He sprung into action immediately, opening his personal laptop to scroll through the contents of your phone. His company owning your phone provider did wonders for your accessibility levels. Even so, you hadn't received any texts. There had been no one else added to your contacts. How did you have a date? Did you lie to him?

Why would you be with someone else? What did he do? He groaned in frustration he didn't understand your more zany emotions.

He lifted his head up in realization. That's it! He needed to understand your emotions. You were one of a kind, but he was as much of a disaster as Yoongi, and Yoongi has a girlfriend. 

Namjoon quickly dialed Yoongi's number. The older male answered with a bored, "What?"

"I need to talk to your girlfriend." Namjoon spoke with urgency evident in his voice, time was running out.

"No-"

"Min Yoongi!" The aforementioned female's voice could be heard in the background.

"Sunshine, he doesn't need to hear your voice- hey!" 

There was an evident scuffle, "I'll put him on speaker, you big baby." She quipped before taking a breath, "How can I be of assistance?" 

Namjoon sighed out, unsure of where to begin, "I have this girl I really, really like, but I know I shouldn't like her this much, so I'm trying to take it slow." He frowned, "But today, I don't know what I said wrong, and now she has a date with someone else."

There was a long sigh, "You guys are terrible with being honest." Namjoon could tell she was glaring at Yoongi, "You evidently said something dumb, did she ask you anything?"

Ask him anything? You asked him about his day. You asked him if he liked the coffee. What else is there to ask? Until it dawned on him.

"She asked what I thought about her and I said she was adorable." Namjoon explained, "I don't see what's wrong there, she is-"

"Yoongs, hold the phone, I might just smash it." The female was rolling her eyes evidently.

"What's wrong, Sunshine?" Yoongi spoke, "I don't get it, he complimented her."

"Ugh, of course you don't." She retorted, "Why did you think I almost went out the night we...got together? You weren't," She put her mouth close to the speaker to prove a point making Namjoon miss when she was still timid around him with the frown he deepened, "Being honest with me." She accentuated each word, "Poor girl can't read your mind, she doesn't want to waste her time pining after someone who doesn't pine back properly." The female sighed again, "Seriously, the seven of you are nuts, I know, but come on," She groaned in frustration, "You all have the looks and the status, maybe use your brain while you're at it."

Namjoon slumped in his chair. Yoongi's girlfriend had a point. Namjoon should have made it painfully clear you were his. Not just to you, but everyone else. Maybe he was crazy, but that didn't change the validity of his emotions for you. You were all he could think about anymore. He just wanted to have unrestricted access to you, but he took it slow, and now he's falling behind. You were trying to leave him. He couldn't let it happen. 

He wouldn't.

This was a bad idea. You slumped against your seat as you twirled your straw. You were unamused and Seunghyun was becoming less and less funny and even less charming as time ticked by.

This date was going terribly. Seunghyun was undoubtedly obnoxious. You were agonizingly bored as you sat in the dimly lit restaurant which you were ill-dressed for. It was far too fancy for lunch, and you could not read the french on the menu, so you ordered a sandwich and a water. You watched Seunghyun with a tired face. He really thought you took long to order this morning? It had been 10 minutes of him asking about the wine menu. Namjoon always knew-

No, no, none of that. Seunghyun was a nice guy, everyone had their quirks.

You gave the waiter a sympathetic smile as he stalked off, "So," You drawled, catching Seunghyun's attention from his phone, "What do you do for a living?" 

"I am a pharmaceutical rep." He stated, all too proudly, "I go to medical offices and get the doctors to prescribe the meds I'm in charge of, making a pretty hefty commission over some phony drops with a fancy label." Your jaw clenched at this. You had your time as a receptionist. Some were nice but most of the reps were pushy assholes with name brand and expensive meds.

Be nice. You chided yourself, "Shouldn't doctors prescribe what is best, not what is sold to them?" So much for that. You really didn't know how to shut your mouth, "Pharmaceuticals are a very controversial field." You pondered aloud.

Seunghyun seemed to pay you minimal mind, eyes already geared to his phone, he wasn't listening, "And what do you do?" He was on autopilot.

"I'm an artist." You spoke politely, “I do mixed media, but my favorite thing is to sculpt with clay.”

This made his head snap up, "Oh, and here I was going to see if you want to split the check, but I guess not." He laughed a little too hard and you blanched.

Okay, he's an asshole. 

No, maybe you're misunderstanding.

"Why not?" You offered him a shovel to dig his way out through clenched teeth.

"Well, you know," He suddenly was a lot less cute, "You're an 'artist'," You wanted to bite the finger quotes off his hands, "Unless you, ya know, dance, then maybe you can pay for the meal." He dug himself deeper, and yet you felt stuck.

Nope, definitely an asshole.

You ate in silence, and you wondered how such a crappy sandwich could cost so much. Namjoon always took you to a variety of places with great food.

Namjoon. You missed him. You missed his soft touches and kisses on the forehead. You missed the way he made your heart flutter. You missed how he spoke to you, how he would profusely apologize if he had to take a phone call. You missed the way he was as equally interested in what you had to say as you were with him. 

You felt dejected at the very thought of his name. God, you really were naive to think someone like him would just come to you. You needed to confess properly and move on if he rejects you. You would move on, but, your eyes flicked to Seunghyun as you watched him stare at his phone as he ate, you would be more mindful of who. This date was a waste of time and money on both parts.

When the check came, Seunghyun paid it in the most obnoxious way as he joked with the very uncomfortable waiter. Before leaving, you took out cash for a good tip, doubting Seunghyun had the decency to leave one.

Namjoon drove to your house and used your spare key to get in. He was not thinking as clearly as he should as he set up candles and dinner for you. You were his, though. He had to make it up to you for not proving it sooner. He could only hope you would be back from this date soon. He was beginning to get antsy, not even entertaining the thought of you not coming home. Never in his life had Namjoon felt such a sense of urgency. 

After setting up the dining room, Namjoon sat in the living room, facing the door on your frilly sofa. He had been to your place several times. It was nice, and coincidentally, one of the complexes he bought when he was into property acquisition. However, he could hardly wait for your lease to end and you could live with him. Surely you would want to? His place had more space for your art and it was a more convenient area. He could give you the world if you just gave him another chance.

Namjoon jerked when he heard a key unlocking the door. All he could do now was hope you were alone. He had no idea what he would do to any man you brought home.

You closed the door with a defeated thud as you leaned your head against the door, back to the rest of the apartment. You heaved a sigh before removing your shoes. You shook your head at today's events. You should've just stayed home.

You rolled your shoulders back before turning to put your purse away… only to scream upon seeing a male figure on the couch, "What-I… Joon?" You cocked your head as he stood, making his way to you, "What are you doing here?!"

He gave you a small smile, walking closer to you, "Apologizing." He stopped a hair short of being pressed against you as he towered over your form.

"F-For scaring the shit out of me?" You gasped when he ran his nose along your neck, inhaling your scent, thankful to find no one else's, "Joon, what has gotten into you?" You spoke shakily as you took a step back only for his strong arms to wrap around your waist, pressing you against him.

"I don't just think you're adorable." He breathed as you shuddered at his voice in your ear, "I'm so absolutely smitten, I was too cowardly to say anything." Your eyes would've shot open had his lips not fanned over your neck, making them close in bliss, "But I can't stand by and watch someone else try to take you from me." His voice came out as a growl and you felt yourself tingle at his sudden dominance.

"Take me away?" Realization dawned on you as you recalled your last message to him, "The date was a mistake." You blurted out and Namjoon pulled away from you ever so slightly, "He was super boring, annoying, patronizing, but what mattered most to me," Your hands locked behind his neck, "He wasn't you." You mused, and Namjoon leant down to catch your lips between his own without missing a beat.

You immediately responded mirroring his desperation as you clung closer to him. The kiss was soft at first as he massaged your lips with his plump ones. You gasped when he nibbled on your lower lip, giving his tongue one of the openings he craved to feel. His tongue entered your mouth with a delighted groan on his end that made your knees week. 

Namjoon was high on the feeling of your mouth as he explored every crevice. He groaned upon stroking your tastebuds, his own picking up how sweet you felt for him. You moaned out when he sucked on your tongue and you felt his teeth graze the pink muscle as he let out a short grunt.

Never in your life had you been kissed like this. He was soft yet rough and you craved him. You took the initiative to take his tongue into your mouth and return the favor, suckling on the muscle only to have his hands grip your hips harder while he grunted. You understood why he did it to you first, it felt good. It was oddly erotic, and the feeling only furthered as your lips were against his. The hand gripping your hip squeezed and you let out a small groan, the anticipation between your legs only growing as you felt you knees buckle, thighs clenching.

Your sounds were putting him in a nearly hypnotized state as his hand went to stroke your thigh and you shuddered with anticipation. He let his fingertips drag across the skin while both of your mouths melded to one another. You whined when his hand teasingly dipped towards your core only to quickly move to the back of your thigh. 

Namjoon couldn't help the smile that grew on his mouth at your brattiness. You wanted him. You wanted him so bad. He was the center of your desires and the feeling was the only aphrodisiac he needed. He held the key to everything you want. He was in control.

"Joon, I want you." You breathed, air dripping with lust.

"Whatever you want, baby," He dipped his tongue into your mouth for just a moment, "Just say the word, and I'll give it to you." One of your hands trailed down his toned body as your eyes were hooded, head clouded with lust.

You glanced up at him just as you hand made contact with his prominent bulge through his undoubtedly Armani suit pants. You watched, tongue peeking out of your mouth, as his head lolled back a rumble in his chest as he grunted when you squeezed the outline of his base, "Give it to me," You gave another squeeze, reveling in his deep moan, "Please." You nearly moaned the magic word before breaking from his hold to prance ahead of him to the bedroom.

Namjoon couldn't suppress the laugh that left him as he watched your ass while you plopped on the bed. With an extra pep in his step, he followed you to the bed, loosening his tie as he made his way to you.

He was in control, but you knew just how to bend him to your will.

The gravity of the situation hit you like a train as Namjoon unbuttoned his blazer, eye contact unwavering as he tossed it on the couch. The white dress shirt outlined his sculpted body ever so slightly and you let out a shaky breath, letting you head hit the bed as you leaned back, panties mindlessly showing from beneath your sundress. 

This wasn't a fantasy or a dream, it was your life. This man was about to fuck you into oblivion and you had no idea how to make him feel good. Your previous experience did not prepare you for this at all. Your previous lovers had all been both ugly inside and out idiots who could barely get themselves off, let alone you. Not that you were a sex god yourself. You never sucked their dick before, nor did you have any idea how to effectively. Not that they ever went down on you. Oh shit, did you shave? Does he care? How does your breath smell? How could you not have considered-

"Fuck!" Your back arched as Namjoon pulled your underwear to the side, tongue licking a stripe up you bare slit.

Namjoon hummed in delight of your taste, dark eyes making contact with yours. He was warning you. He was telling you not to wander away from him. While he loved your overactive mind, he required your full attention. He needed you 100% with him in this moment, "You taste divine." His voice was heavy, "More." It was almost primal the way he slipped your panties down your legs, enjoying the way the dainty dress looked framing the bare sex. He elected to keep the dress on for now as he pushed the flowy fabric up to your hips which he leaned into your pussy.

Your eyes rolled back at the sensation of his tongue licking a deeper stripe, parting your lips with the muscle as he gather your juices on his taste buds blissfully. Your body shuddered at your own pleasure, "J-Joon." Was all you could manage as each short lick went deeper making you squirm.

"You're so fucking sensitive, fuck." He grunted, the dress fabric he held at your hips wrinkling under his closed fists as he went to work on your clit, sending your over the edge as you came quickly and with minimal effort on Namjoon's part. 

However, instead of stopping him, the flow of juices only further spurred his as his mouth went to pay more attention to the very hold he couldn't wait to have for his out as his tongue lapped up the liquid, the lewdness and oversensitivity making your body jerk in vain. Namjoon had your hips held firmly in place as he enjoyed his meal. His tongue entered you and he let out a moan against you at how tight you felt just from his tongue fucking you.

"Too much- it- I came already- shit!" You attempted to roll your hips against his mouth as he overstimulated the brain function out of you. His tongue fucked you better than anyone in your past had as his nose nudged against your clit. When he pushed his tongue as deep as he could he could feel you squeezing. With this encouragement, he began to move his tongue ever so slightly, sending you over the edge again as your back rose from the bed, chest to the heavens, "Joon!" You moaned wantonly before deflating as Namjoon slowly withdrew his mouth from you, "Fuck me." You were breathless, fingers weak as he watched you attempt to unbutton your dress. He hesitated, but nevertheless assisted you as your dress was now spread, your body nearly bare until you unhooked your bra, "You'll give me what I want, right?" You pouted as you gossed the bra off your body and he felt his mouth water as he soaked in your body.

"I'll always give you what you want, my love, but you should rest a bit-"

"But I don't just want it." You struggled to catch you breath in the lusty atmosphere, "I need you, Sir." 

Never in Namjoon's life had he stripped himself bare so quickly. Your words sent him into a frenzy until he was just as bare as you. You outstretched your arms and he leaned down so you could run your hands over his toned chest and stomach. He guided in and he hissed as your nails scratched his muscular body at the stretch. Despite this, you were nearly drooling at the pain, Never had being stretched felt good, but you couldn't get enough. You wanted to be full.

You shifted your body down and both you and Namjoon moaned out in harmony as you were now wrapped around his entire length. He cursed, "Fuck you're so tight for me, sweet pea." His moans were low as he moved ever so slowly, shallow thrusts as you went wild beneath him, "Look at you, squirming, stretching, such a brat." He thrusted hard and you squeaked, "You can never have enough, huh?" 

Another hard thrust shook your bed as Namjoon leaned over you, his forearms on either side of your head as your arms clawed at his muscular back, "Never enough of you, Sir." You could hardly consider your words, but they struck Namjoon as he caught your mouth in sloppy kiss as he sped up. You made him alive as the pleasure only added to the high. The ruthless pace shook the bed even harder, much to your delight.

"I love you, baby." He was beyond fucked out as he chased his climax inside of you.

You were even more fucked out as you felt another orgasm approaching, and quicky, "Fuck, fuck, I love you Joon, I-" You cut yourself off with a scream as you clenched around Namjoon's girth.

This, along with your confession, sent him over the edge as he came, deep thrusts slowing down as he painted you from the inside with warmth you enjoyed. He slowly slid out of you and groaned lowly at the suction you provided until he was fully detached from you. He let out a heavy breath as he leaned over your form, placing a kiss on your neck before burying his face in it. You welcomed his weight as you both gathered yourselves.

Ten minutes must've gone by until Namjoon broke the silence beyond bated breath, "I meant it." He murmured and your heart squeezed. 

The fear of your next words dissipated the moment pushed himself up to look at your face. He looked as though he was about to back track, but you didn't let him, "I did too." You gave him one of your signature smiles, "I love you, Sir." You teased and gasped when you felt his dick twitch ever so slightly.

"Brat." He playfully seethed before attacking your face and neck with soft kisses, making you giggle.

----

You made your plight up the skyscraper for the second time with a less nervous aura. It had been a couple months or so since Namjoon and you had sealed the deal, so to speak. Things had been going great. He was the best boyfriend you could've asked for. He was supportive, kind, attentive, and all good things between. Recently, however, he had been extremely busy, and you had been extremely bored. You were in between exhibitions and had already beat deadlines for the next one, so you were left with cancelled dates and your hand. Of course you helped him with work with your limited skills.

The tray of drinks and a bag of food occupied your hands as you took a peek at your watch. Another day of overtime for your loving boyfriend. You just about had it eating alone for these past couple weeks. He fucked your brains out and then abruptly had no time to after a short two weeks of domestic and euphoric bliss. It wasn't fair. Thus, you took matters into your own hands. He had a strategy meeting which, as he explained, would consist of him scolding his employees. Logically, you would hate to intrude, but selfishly, you wanted to see him. 

Surely he wouldn't spend over two hours overanalyzing his subordinates' work and scolding them?

Right?

"...Turn to page 13 of the report and see where I've highlighted the blatant misinformation on line 7." Namjoon's voice was sharp despite being as exhausted as his employees. Monday was a big presentation he had to entrust to the newer employees and upon reviewing the handouts to accompany a good-enough pitch, he was severely disappointed. There had been typos, incorrect graphs, and blatant lies littered throughout. To top it off, the slacking managers signed off on it prior to it reaching Namjoon. This left him no choice but to cut hours in the week to make time for this colossal scolding for lack of attention to detail, "It's beyond me how anyone expected this to be remotely acceptable to present in front of me, let alone investors. This fairy tale book was a grandiose waste of my time, and for what? To save some of you managers a couple minutes of revision?" The department heads shrunk in their seats under his razor sharp gaze. The booklet was littered with yellow and pink highlighter marks along with red pen notations, making them feel like school children. Even so, Namjoon had been known to terminate and replace entire teams in the span of time he spent revising the proposal. With this in mind, the workers were just thankful to have a job to speak on.

The atmosphere was tense, filled with anger and shame among the employees until, "Tsk, tsk, tsk, it's like the principal's office in here." Your cheery voice sliced through the tension as you clicked your tongue playfully, "Nothing like a good scolding from the boss man." 

"Sweet pea?" You flashed a smile and the employees attempted to shield their whiplash from Namjoon's suddenly cheery tone, "What are you doing here?"

You held up the food, "Being selfish." You winked at him before addressing the sweating office workers, "Hello! My name is y/n, nice to meet you!" You politely bowed and were met with wary smiles. The workers glanced to Namjoon only to see an uncharacteristic smile on his face, “I’m Namjoon’s girlfriend, and I have heard so much about you,” You beamed, “Mostly good things, believe it or not.” You winked as you nearly skipped your way to the aforementioned boss man, “Don’t mind me, dear, I can wait for you.” You smiled cheekily as you sat next to an extremely sweaty employee.

“Well, darling, I imagine they have heard quite enough of me today.” Namjoon mused as his hand went to pat your head affectionately, not caring about his stunned subordinates, “I’ll let you decide what I should do from here, because I still have some materials to go over, but I’ll make an exception in favor of your judgement.”

Hopeful eyes darted to your form. The employees studied you. You were dressed in colorful clothing, playful earrings hung from your ears as your nails shined with the glitter you gleefully painted on them. Your eyes were bright, eager, ready to take on the world it seemed. The employees couldn’t help but wonder when they used to have that shimmer. Some of them had bitterly determined you were some gold digger or mindless trust fund baby. You hadn’t been the sharp, calculated, female version of Namjoon they would’ve pictured his girlfriend to be. That, plus Namjoon was very evidently in love with you. Never had they seen him cut a meeting short for anyone, even the other directors had to wait outside the meeting room. 

You leaned your chin onto your palm, tapping your cheek in thought. Namjoon would occasionally ask for your advice, your minor in business management finally coming into use. You were definitely the good cop to Namjoon’s drill sergeant, especially when it came to this proposal, “Well, what say you all get an extra credit opportunity?”  Your voice was melodic as you stood, “I was initially coming up here to redo the proposal myself, since Joon was going to… uh…” You trailed off, unsure how to put it.

“Y/n here was the lovely pink highlighter, has been offered the position of Co-Director by the CEO herself, and she has the credentials to replace all of you.” His voice made the crowd of office workers flinch, while some of them eyed your gleeful form in shock while you gave another smile, “I had been debating whether to suspend the lot of you without pay or terminate you, but it seems y/n is your savior tonight.”

“You give me too much credit.” You lightly slapped his bicep shyly as the employees held in a gasp at someone coming in contact with the ruthless and cold director, “Why don’t you all redo the proposal, hm?” You flicked your wrist to look at your watch, “You have about three hours before it becomes alarmingly late, it’s not safe to be in garages that deep into nightfall.” You showed them actual concern, “I’ll be more than happy to look it over when you believe you're done before it gets to the big boss man, here, but I hope you all will carefully check your own work too.” You were met with thankful glances, “I’m much more forgiving than Joon here, but if I find you squander this chance, not even I can save you, okay?” Frantic nods were tossed your way and you beamed at them with an infectious smile, “Great!” You clasped your hands together, “Joon and I will be in his office eating, I brought some little snacks for you all too.” You mused placing the plastic bag you had in your purse on the table, “Good luck!” 

The moment the door shut to Namjoon’s office, you were in his arms, “Why don’t you talk sweet to me instead, baby?” He murmured against your ear, “I don’t like how they look at you when you smiled like that.”

You pulled back to place a quick kiss on his lips, “I don’t like how you don’t look at me when things like this happen.” You countered with an irresistible pout which he quickly kissed away, “Plus, they only look at me like that because you’re so spooky.” You pointed out as you sat on the plush leather couch.

"I have been pretty absent, huh?" He scratched the back of his neck as he plopped down next to you.

"We've only exchanged business emails about that dumb proposal basically." You huffed, "Then, you make me all flustered in front of the poor souls by-"

"Pointing out how amazing and capable you are?" His eyes flickered to you as he took a bite out of the meal your brought him, "I could see the way some of them looked at you, like you didn't know what you were talking about." He seethed, "Not to even mention how some of them looked at your body. It's so disrespectful, I had to let them know that if I had it my way you would be the only one in my department."

You placed a hand on the clenched fist Namjoon had. He always got extremely worked up each time you were treated as anything less than royalty. You could only thank the stars that he didn't know you while you were beginning your career as an artist, who knows what he would have done to the countless creepy property managers and haughty curators. Surely, it would be a bloodbath. Figuratively, you like to say. Namjoon would never hurt a fly, but when it came down to people who looked at you with anything he deemed an ill-intent, he would just about see red. You couldn't say you hated this trait, because an extremely selfish part of you enjoyed his undying love, and proved to reciprocate his resolve when the tables were turned. However, you were thankful you could quell the fire he stoked with rage. You were thankful he told you such emotions before they got out of hand. 

You watch as his hand relaxed, gripping yours tenderly as he smiled, "Well, as long as they know you're not just mine, but you're the most invaluable asset I could ask for." 

You chuckled at this, "You need to work on your sweet talk, it seems you're still in director mode." You placed as short kiss on his lips, "But I love you for it anyway." You giggled a little, "But if I go another stretch of time without attention again I'll be much more impulsive than a late night dinner." You couldn't call Namjoon the crazy one when his affection proved to be a drug you needed constantly, a drug you could feel the withdrawals from. Just like any addict, you could get unhinged without it.

Namjoon nodded, understanding better than anyone what you meant before bringing you in for a longer kiss. He knew better than anyone what neglect could do to the human mind, especially when the attention was so addicting. He knew what crazy meant, and he would never dream of making you feel as he does all the time. His skin pricks when your hands aren't on him, his hands tremor without your own within them, and he finds his mind wandering to darker places at the thought of all the people who look at you just as he can. He had too much power, too many resources at his disposal to be devoted to you. Maybe you knew this. Maybe you both had too much to loose if it meant losing each other. 

Maybe being with a man as potentially dangerous as he could be was the adrenaline you needed all this time. An addictive thrill. Your constant fix of dopamine and you, his continuous flow of serotonin. 

The both of you junkies for one another.

Masterlist  Ko-Fi

[marvelousell]

The Agreement (Part 5.)

Pairing(s): frat boy!fwb!Tom x reader, frat boy!Harrison x reader

Summary: Tom is a typical frat boy, his love for partying, drinks and girls are bigger than his ego. Y/N is a whole different dimension, she keeps her circle small, and even though she knows her best friend Tom is a total douche, she can’t say no to the little deal that was sealed between the two of them.

Word count: 3.1k

A/N: I really went with this one lol, I just can’t wait for more Haz in the next parts ngl ����. Hope you like this andd I would appreciate it if you reblog, leave a comment, or send a feedback!❤���

My tag list is open for this series!

Warnings: SMUT 18+, unprotected sex, swearing, mentions of alcohol

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4.

Masterlist

“He is looking at you, and he has that smile on his face Y/N!” Anna whispered, laughing with you.

Oh this feeling. You missed it so much.

You would catch him staring, giving you a shy smile every now and then.

And there was Tom. Looking hot as always.

He was talking with him and Harry, laughing and drinking, eyeing almost every girl that passed next to them. Some of them were lucky, getting a hug and kiss on the cheek.

He caught you staring, sending you a quick wink.

Nice one Tom, totally original.

Focus Y/N. Tonight is definitely not about him.

“How did you end up together? Did he approach you first? What did he say? Or you? Or...”

“Okay, okay..breathe!” You chuckled at her excitement, happy to have a friend like her by your side.

“You don’t even know how much I would love this to happen!” She pointed at you and him, trying to look as calm as possible.

“I was in the kitchen getting your drink, and I really didn’t see him. He was getting a refill I suppose, so he started a conversation with me, and yeah..” You explained.

“He asked me if I wanted to go outside because the house was packed, and we just sat there and the chat went really smoothly. He is so sweet Anna.”

“I told you he was so your type! He is the most caring and warm-hearted person. He deserves you, and you absolutely deserve him.”

“We really clicked the day we met, and you know how much I like to talk, he listened to every single word. Every day. Especially when I was talking about you, so I thought this would be a great opportunity.” She began.

You didn’t feel that thrilled about a boy ever since Noah.

He really was the first boy that showed some interest in you. It was a nice 2 year relationship and friendship, however the spark just faded.

That’s what he said.

At least it wasn’t an ugly break up, full of screaming and bitter words.

But still it was your first heartbreak and you didn’t want to hear the lousy “we should stay friends” or “we are going to be in touch” sentence. So you just cut him out of your life, and it sure was a great decision after seeing him a few days after with a girl by his side.

“Y/N!!! Woah look at you! You’re having fun I see huh?” Amelia winked, tipsy already.

“How much did you drink Mel?” You giggled when she hugged you.

“Ya know not that much! But definitely enough to go talk to that blondie back there.”

“Good Mel, I’m glad you are having fun too.”

“I think it’s time that you strip and show that piece under your innocent dress babe.” Anna whispered, trying to coax you.

“Are you kidding me? In front of everyone? If you told me that half of the town would be here I wouldn’t even bother to put it on.”

“Oh please Y/N. Look everyone is already in their bikinis! Believe me you don’t have nothing to hide, only to show.” She smirked, tapping your bum twice.

“God. Okay. But I’m not doing this alone, you two are stripping also!” You said.

“Amelia sure forestalled you.” She laughed, looking at a now half naked and drunk Amelia that jumped in the pool.

“I just hope she will not pass out and end up puking in the car like last time.” You said, looking at her laughing and calling for you to join the party.

Sure why not.

You let your dress slide down your body, admiring the red bikini that was on full display now.

“Well holy moly, if he doesn’t want you I’m gonna take the opportunity.” Anna’s eyes went up and down, admiring your figure.

You were so engrossed in the conversation with Anna that you didn’t feel two pair of eyes staring at you.

“Holy shit.” Harrison muttered under his breath.

He was dumbfound. He couldn’t find the right words to describe how gorgeous you were.

Harrison was already struck by your inner beauty, this was just a bonus.

But he sure wasn’t the only one staring and admiring the girl near the pool.

Right behind him was Tom whose eyes were about to pop out of his eye sockets from the view.

He saw already much more than that, but he couldn’t look away.

The red bikini hugged your tits perfectly, your bum looking better than ever.

The scenes from the previous night were on his mind.

If he could, he would take you right there. In front of everybody.

Tom’s erection was getting more visible through his swimming trunks. The throbbing inside was driving him crazy.

“You ready to jump in mate?” Harrison’s voice broke his silent thoughts.

“Yeah, of course.” He said lowly, trying his best not to groan.

Tom thought that the refreshing pool water would help him to calm his hot mind.

He really needed you.

After all the deal said that you would help each other, isn’t that right?

However his plans to come and talk to you were ruined by his friend who was trying to keep you entertained.

“You call that entertainment? We will see what will you like more soon love.” He thought as he swam away, losing his patience now.

-

You were okay on your own, dipping your feet in the pool, waiting for Anna that dragged Amelia to the bathroom to pee.

You saw Harrison entering the pool again, sending you a small grin letting you know he would join you in a minute.

He presence was making you so nervous, but in a good way.

“Finally got some more time with you, Mel was killing me with the stories about this blonde dude that she met while spilling almost her whole drink on me.” He laughed, slicking his wet hair back.

“Tell me about that, Anna took her to the bathroom to pee. She is really wild tonight.”

He was in front of your legs, his crystal blue eyes were focused on yours.

“You know.. I really want to ask you something.” He began, swimming closer to your legs to rest his arm on top of your knees leaving a trail of goosebumps on your hot skin.

His cold and soft touch sent waves of pleasure through your body.

You could get used to this.

“Go on.”

“I really enjoyed the time we spent tonight, and I really want to do this more often if you would like that too. I mean I would like to take you out, you’re really lovely Y/N.” He reddened after the words slipped past his lips.

“Of course, I really had fun tonight thanks to you Harrison. I really like you.” You spoke back.

“The feeling is definitely mutual. Are you available on Monday?”

“Yes, Monday sounds perfect.”

“Excellent love, now I think it’s time to cool off a little.” He smiled mischievously, grabbing your hips.

“What do you mean cool—“ You didn’t even finish your sentence because you found yourself underwater.

You were out of breath laughing, splashing water on him.

“Oh you’re trying to drown me? You sure are messing with the wrong person here.” You joked, putting your arms on his shoulder.

“Gonna need much more strength for that love.” His arms sneaked around your waist under the water, drawing you close to him.

“Want to try that again?” He whispered, his face close to yours.

His breath fanned your skin, you were so sure something would happen, but something stopped that.

Or should I say someone in particular.

“Am I interrupting something?”

Gosh Tom, you really are a bitch.

“No, no Tom, we were just chatting.” Harrison answered him, stepping outside the pool to sit.

“Well, Amelia is plastered and Anna asked if you could help her so she could put her in bed.” Tom said.

“Sure, are they inside?”

Tom just nodded.

“You gonna wait for me?” Harrison asked before leaving.

“I’m gonna dry myself off, so we can meet in the garden?”

“Deal love.”

Tom just waited for his friend to disappear from your sight so he could finally speak to you.

“Look at you darling, you look divine.”

“Thank you Tom, you sure know when to come.” You spoke back.

“I’m sorry for ruining your sweet moment here darling, but they really needed him.”

You stepped outside the pool, making your way to the house.

“So you really made my mate go all insane for you.” Tom stated, guiding you to the bathroom.

“Did I?” You asked, your heart fluttering at his words.

“Absolutely. He couldn’t keep his eyes away from you.”

“And me as well.” Tom spoke in your ear, looking around so you could enter the bathroom unnoticed.

Fuck Tom.

Should I be even doing this?

“You made me so hard just by watching you in this red two piece bikini.” He growled in your ear.

You leaned your head on his shoulder, trying to relax as much as possible.

The feeling of getting caught was stressing you out.

But you couldn’t say no to him.

You sighed as his lips were teasing your neck and shoulder.

“Shit I craved you so much baby, couldn’t wait any longer.” His hands made their way to the nape of your neck, untying the knot of your top.

Tom’s fingers danced on your skin, coming in contact with your belly.

His palm was placed there holding you close to him, while his other hand toyed with the knots that held the bottom piece of the bikini in place.

“Can you feel how much I want you right now baby?” He rubbed his crotch on your ass, receiving an exciting moan from you.

“Shh, we don’t want anyone to burst in here do we?” He shushed you, pressing a sloppy kiss on your jawline.

“Fuck, no. Just do something already we don’t have much time.”

“You mean you don’t have much time? I have the whole damn time if you ask me.” Tom teased, chuckling into the nape of your neck.

His free hand reached the edges of your bikini, pushing the material to the side dipping one finger into your folds.

“Looks like I wasn’t the only one excited here hm?” He rubbed you slowly, slipping one finger inside of you without a warning.

You tried your best not to be loud, but the feeling of Tom’s fingers buried inside of you made you weak.

“Would love to see you fall apart on my fingers baby, but we both know we need each other now right?”

“Hell yes, please fuck me.” Your eyes still closed, enjoying the pleasure he was giving you.

He removed his hand, making you whine from the feeling of being empty.

“Don’t worry I got something much more better.”

The dark trunks of his were now long gone, his hands lifted you up on the washing machine spreading your legs wide open.

Tom smashed himself inside of you, making you both whine from the feeling.

Your palm grasped his wet curls tightly, pulling him closer to your trembling body.

God this feels so wrong, but so great.

What are you doing to me Tom? No wonder Sophie went crazy about you.

“Tell me love, who can make you this good?”

“Shit you Tommy.” You bit your lip drawing blood to the surface, only to stop the moans escaping from your throat.

“Don’t break the deal between us love. Look how good we make each other feel. You can still be with whoever you want and me as well, no one needs to know it will be our little secret.” He pleaded into your ear.

You were aware of the situation.

Although you knew that this would be wrong in every possible way if something happens between you and Harrison, you couldn’t say no.

He was so addicting, his touch, movements, small talk.

Everything.

What happened? How did you fell for someone like Tom?

“Christ, this will be so wrong but I-I can’t break this fucking deal.” You muttered out, squeezing your eyes shut from the familiar sensation forming in the pit of your stomach.

You’re going to be the end of me Thomas.

He smiled at your response as his hands pushed through your hair gripping it lightly.

You were close to the edge. You whimpered as his fingers started rubbing your bundle of nerves.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck I’m gonna cum.” You managed to choke out.

Tom wasn’t that far from coming and seeing your beautiful face as you came, he almost bursted.

“That’s right beautiful, you’re doing so good for me. Don’t worry just our little secret.”

And with that he pulled out his length shooting his load on your bare chest.

“Fuck you look so good with my cum all over you.” He smirked playfully, eyeing your tits.

“Full of yourself Holland, hand me a tissue please.” You replied.

The reality hit you hard in that moment.

You were nervous, anybody could tell if they saw you honestly.

You loved Tom and ending this..whatever it’s called wasn’t something you wanted.

And hurting a guy like Harrison by doing something behind his back was a no as well.

“Hey, don’t stress that much.” Tom spoke handing you the tissues.

“You know he likes you, I’m thousand percent sure, he is my best mate I know when he likes someone or not.” He laughed, helping you down from the washing machine.

“I hope so..but that’s not the only thing why I’m worried.” You whispered as you searched through your bag for dry clothes.

“Look I know you think that this is bad..but believe me it’s just a silly deal that’s here for us if we need to blow off some steam and stuff like that. No feelings love, that’s making everything different.”

Maybe he was right?

No one would say a thing, eventually your crush will fade and no harm done.

You hope so.

“Yeah..you have a point. No one will know?” You asked once more.

“No one love.”

“Okay.”

You could feel him staring as you tried to dress yourself.

“Do you mind turning around?” You asked, trying to hide your breasts and everything else as much as possible.

“Why? Nothing I haven’t seen or felt before.” He leaned on the white tiles with his eyes still on your body.

“Dear God.” You spoke. Annoyed.

You gave up, starting to dress in front of him.

“I look like shit now, great.” You stared at the reflection in the mirror.

Hair a complete mess, the light makeup long gone by now, your cheeks flushed.

“Oh c’mon you stole his heart anyway, he won’t notice anything.”

Crap, Harrison.

He is probably looking for you.

��How long are we here? He probably thinks I stood him up or something.” You panicked, grabbing the doorknob.

However Tom’s hand was fast enough to stop you.

“Wait, I will go first to see if someone’s around. I will knock if the air is clear, then you can go.”

“Okay, just hurry up.”

The 10 seconds were like an eternity.

You’re heart was running wild because of Tom and Harrison.

You wanted them both.

“Come out.” He said, knocking on the door.

“I see you around then?” He added before you tried to disappear.

“Yes.” You gave him a one last look before speeding down the stairs.

“There she is!” Anna shouted, pointing at you.

“I’m so sorry, I couldn’t f-find my bag so it took me a while.” You spoke, looking at Anna and him.

“No problem, but you missed the fun with Amelia.” Anna giggled.

“Oh that was a show I bet.”

“Definitely, Harry said that she can sleep here tonight, so we don’t have to worry if the car will smell like vomit.” She joked, making a slightly disgusted face.

“Ew.”

“Okay, I’m going to find Harry and when you two are done call me.”

You were lost for words again.

He was absolutely beautiful.

“So..” You began, rocking back and forth on your feet.

“Our date still on?” He asked nervously.

“Of course I really did enjoy my evening with you.”

“I’m so glad you did, because I honestly want to see you more.”

Before you could even answer, his arms were on your back.

He pressed an innocent peck on your cheek out of the blue.

Harrison didn’t want to rush anything, but he wanted to show how much you fascinated him.

“See you on Monday?” He said.

“See you on Monday.” You confirmed, embracing him in a short hug.

-

“Oi, oi already going home?” The cocky voice spoke behind your back.

“Someone wants a decent amount of sleep Holland.” Anna replied, stopping just like you to see what he wanted.

However he did have some company with him.

The same blonde from the living room.

Wasn’t the sex a while ago enough for him?

Of course not.

You felt sick seeing his fingers caressing her slim hip.

Please let us leave.

“The party just started, you’re no fun like always.” He was being a total douche in front of her, nothing like Tom that hangout with us.

“If you’re trying to impress your girl here, you’re failing. Try to sober up a bit then you can talk to us, good night.” She grabbed your hand, marching to her car.

“He is being an total ass tonight.”

“Yeah..” You mumbled, the picture of Tom and the blonde occupying your mind.

“You upset about something? You know you can tell me everything.” She glanced at you, bringing her attention back to the road.

“Oh n-no, nothing’s bothering me really. I’m just stressing about my date on Monday.” You spoke, it was true after all. You were nervous about that as well.

“OHH, yeees Harrison told me he asked you on a date. Believe me nothing to worry about he is head over heels for you babe!”

“Will you come help me out before the date?” You questioned.

“Absolutely! I’m always here to help!” She screeched happily.

“See you then Ann, thank you for this evening and Harrison and everything. Have a good rest, good night.” You hugged her, before exiting the car.

“No problem love! Love to see you happy like this, good night!”

This was an intense night. You were all over the place, the whole night repeating in your head.

Your apartment was dark and quiet.

You kicked your shoes off, exhaling loudly as the tune of a received message grabbed your attention.

Unknown number

I loved your company so much I forgot to ask for your number. Hope you don’t mind that I asked Ann. :)

Haz x

Of course not! I’m glad you asked her! I enjoyed your presence as well. Xx

You were so overwhelmed that sleeping was impossible at that moment. The only thing on your mind was the date and Harrison.

-

Tag List

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[finn-ray-nal-beads]

Ooh this just made my heart race 🥺 from the writing prompt list: Giving them a tight hug that makes them lose their breath. For whoever 🥺

HOLY MOLY I AM SO SORRY THAT TOOK ME ALL DAY. I HAVE BEEN SO FUCKIN’ BUSY JEEZ. 

i put together a little oneshot with our dearly beloved lumberjack my babe. i really hope you like it! 

(also this doesn’t mean requests are open, but if i like the prompt i will write something about it.) 

Warnings: FLUFF OUT THE ASSHOLE, mentions of war, slight depression, and a tiny bit of angst, violence (in the form of self-defense, well kind of) 

Laughter filled the modest three-bedroom home you shared with Flip. Fingers twirled around a ridiculously long phone cord as you chatted with your long-distance girlfriend, Katie. It was nice to finally be able to relax in the empty house you both had shared for the five years you’d been married. And almost two years since Flip had been sent away to the war. 

You tried to busy yourself with work as a night shift nurse, taking every possible spot you could to stay out of the house. It was too hard to be there when he wasn’t. His scent of cigarettes and pine soap disappeared months ago, and it left you empty inside. 

Sure you both wrote the occasional letter when he was able to send them over. And you gathered care package goods to ship over so he’d still feel like he was home, or so you’d imagined he would when he opened the items. Everything was just… different. You hated to admit it, but it was difficult to function without your handsome man at your side. 

He was your protector, your love, your everything. Your other half of your soul was thousands of miles away, fighting in a war he never asked to be in. The existential dread fell over you whenever you laid down to shut your eyes. You didn’t even speak it out loud, because you believed in karma, and only thought the best you could when it came to those dark moments thinking about his safety. 

You pleaded with whatever entity that he’d come home safe and in one whole piece. That he would make it out of there unscathed and never have to go back. You cried and cried over the time lost between the both of you. Bargaining that if he came back, you’d finally start that family you and he had been talking about for several years. You’d vow to spend way more than just a few hours each night together, cut down on work, and all the other larger than life assurances you would whisper into the darkness. Pleading all of this into the night for his perfect face to hold again, to kiss and taste. 

______________

Today, though, was a different kind of day. You woke up out of your king-sized bed to the streams of gorgeous morning light shining through the window. For the first time in what felt like years, you smiled and stretched your limbs. Crawling out of bed you hurried to put on your furriest robe and comb your hair. Then meandered downstairs to your kitchen to make some fresh coffee. It was your day off from a long 60+ hour week and you needed the rest more than you could fathom. 

Your plans were simple. Shower, start some laundry, make a grocery list, sit and read, and possibly call your mother if you had the time. You sat to enjoy your morning Joe and read the daily paper, making sure to do the crossword puzzle just as you did every morning.

During your fourth sip of sweet caffeine, a phone call came in. You answered and immediately beamed at your long time pal who sang your name over the phone. The laughter ensued and you found yourselves talking for nearly an hour or more if you’d bothered to look at the time. And now here you were giggling like a schoolgirl with her totally oblivious to the taxi that had parked in front of your home. 

__________________

You jumped as you heard the front door creak open. 

“Hold on, Katie,” you placed the phone on the counter, grabbing the sharpest knife from the block next to the stove. Ready to attack this intruder who seemingly broke the lock on your front door. A thud reverberated through the living room followed by what sounded like boots. 

“H-hello?” you asked the lumbering faceless figure in your foyer. “Don’t test me, asshole!” you yelled in what you thought was a warning tone. 

The figure huffed. “You know your tough-girl voice isn’t really that convincing babe.” 

It’s deep familiar tone echoed from the dark corner. The figure shuffled around the large bag it had dropped and came into the bright living room. He looked so exhausted. Dressed in his army green uniform. Dark locks perfectly feathered his dotted face. Glistening eyes upon hearing your shrill threatening voice from the kitchen. 

“Hey honey,” he whispered. You stood there dumbfounded in your PJs. Not really knowing if that was actually him on the other side of the room. 

Just as you registered that fact he, closed the gap between you and wrapped his huge arms around your waist. You dropped the knife to the ground and your empty hands found the back of his head, messing up his perfectly set hair. You inhaled his camel cigarettes and sobbed into his crisp uniform. Hugging him tighter and tighter as you heaved in and out. 

“U-hmm honey…” he spoke into the crook of your neck, no doubt sobbing silently too. 

“You’re kinda chokin’ me out,” he gasped and tickled your sides. 

“God you asshole,” you choked out wiping tears away. “I missed you so much.” 

“I missed you too honey. More than you know,” he sobbed again hiding his face back into your chest. You began to cry too petting his perfect strands again. 

“I can’t believe you’re home Phil,” you whispered, kissing his crown. 

“Yeah baby,” he stammered into your sternum. 

“I’m home.”

__________

god i hope this was halfway decent, Desi. you write so well and i didn’t want to disappoint at all! 

🖤,

ray-nal-beads

[maybankiara]

PHONE SWAP (DREW STARKEY)

01: NICE TO MEET YOU

summary: Addie Mallory is just your average economics student when she meets Drew Starkey at her local Target in Atlanta. This is where the story is supposed to end – a short meeting and a picture to go – except Drew accidentally leaves with the wrong phone, and the story begins, instead.

w/c: 2k

a/n: it’s finally here! the first chapter! this one is written as real life and introduces us to our three main characters. let me know what you think! also, this is in no way affiliated with either drew or creators of obx. if you want to be on the taglist, either shoot me a message/ask, or fill out the tag list form!

series masterlist | tag list

read on wattpad

Addie thinks she must be wrong. Of all places, he can’t be here.

  It all begins with Addie’s roommate waking up to no bread, no milk, no cereal, and an abundance of an alcohol-induced mess. It was the brunette’s rare night off to party, so Marianne woke up to quite literally nothing. Now, it’s almost noon, and Addie’s got a nasty headache right behind her eyebrows, an odd taste in her mouth, and a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach. 

  ‘Food,’ demands Marianne. ‘I’m starving.’

  Addie pokes her head out of the bathroom, holding up two fingers. Marianne just rolls her eyes and drapes herself over the couch with a groan that Addie drowns out with her toothbrush. 

  She splashes some cold water onto her face, rubbing some moisturiser into it afterwards. Doesn’t do much – her eyes are still bloodshot, under-eye circles dark, skin dry and lips chapped even with lip balm on it. Addie just sighs. This’ll require sunglasses which, in turn, will require contact lenses. 

  ‘Two more minutes!’

  Another groan from Marianne. ‘Merde, Addie!’

  First contact in. She blinks it into place, ignoring its dryness. ‘I’ll be back before you know it.’ Second in. ‘And I’ll bring you some chocolate.’

  ‘Aw. You will?’

  ‘Yes. For emotional disturbances.’

  Marianne beams at her from the couch. Noon sun shines on her through the window as she basks in the light, looking all fresh and ready to take on the day. 

  Addie envies her. Not like she’d ever admit it, though. 

  ‘You’re a godsend,’ Marianne tells her. ‘When you’re not the devil’s menace, obviously. Today shall be your lucky day.’

  ‘Shall it?’ Addie quirks an eyebrow at her, grabbing a purse from the drawer in the hallway with a smile dancing in the corner of her lips. 

  The blonde-haired girl hmms, her eyes closed and arms raised up in the air. In the tiniest voice, she says: ‘I am throwing my blessings at you now.’ She outstretches her hands in what looks to Addie like a kung-fu move, fully accompanied by a half-breathed half-voiced ‘HA!’

  ‘You done?’

  Marianne grins. ‘Yes. Now please go get me some food.’

  ‘Tea for when I’m back?’

  ‘Yes, ma’am. The finest the British Isles have to offer.’

  ‘You’re not even British.’

  ‘Half,’ says Marianne. ‘Half is enough.’

  ‘Yeah, but the other half is French.’

  Marianne just rolls her eyes, and Addie revels in the fact that there'll be a hot cup of tea waiting for her when she comes back with the groceries. Equipped with her iPhone and earphones, a foldable IKEA bag, some money, and sunglasses big enough to cover her hungover mess of a face, Addie leaves the small apartment. 

  Summer in Atlanta is something Addie hasn’t experienced before. People get a lot more vibrant, there’s more joggers than usual, and people with dogs and kids venture out of their homes more often. There’s also the filming aspect, increased during summer, which generally means that there’ll be at least one street blocked for public per day – an inconvenience that made her be late for class more than once. 

  To Addie, it’s starting to feel like home. Warm and filled with a light breeze, the place lively and bright. 

  Or, possibly, it’s just that she starts to listen to music that makes her feel that way. 

  The local Tesco of Rockdale county is on the main road, and it takes Addie five songs to get there. It’s busy as always, and Addie gets herself a plastic basket at the entrance, pulling up the grocery list on the notes app. It’s mostly food – they ran out of almost everything the day before, and drunk Addie finished whatever little was left, so this is going to be half a week's worth of shopping. 

  Addie rummages through the isles with ease, almost on autopilot. Memories from last night resurface, blurry and hazed, and she rubs her temples with the heels of her hands. 

  last night was something else, she thinks. The music in her ears is loud and she glances up as she’s about to turn the corner, basket full of veggies so far, and she makes eye contact with a person that looks vaguely familiar. 

  She looks away. 

  Then she looks back at them, an almost unnoticeable frown on her face. He’s tall, with dark blonde hair underneath a baseball cap, and it’s not until he leans forward to grab something off the canned goods section that she realises who it is. 

  holy fucking moly it’s drew fucking starkey

  Addie freezes in place as her brain computes the visual in front of her and attaches it to the memory of his face, on her projector screen, in her and Marianne’s living room. 

  It doesn’t seem right to see him here, shopping at Tesco, looking so different from the person she’s used to seeing that she almost didn’t recognise him. However, it’s still him, so Addie gathers all her courage and walks into the isle across from hers, until she’s right next to him.   

  ‘Hi,’ she says. ‘Sorry, I don’t mean to bother you, but – you’re Drew Starkey, right?’

  Her voice is hushed, and it’s on purpose – she’s fairly certain neither of them would like a bunch of people to come over here. Addie doesn’t know how big the fanbase is, but if she managed to recognise him (almost) off the bat, it’s highly likely there'd be at least a few more people knowing him. It might be just a few months since the show’s release, but it’s gathered quite a bit of attention. 

  The moment seems to unfreeze, and the guy in front of her nods, almost reluctantly. ‘Yeah, that’s me.’

  ‘Oh, cool. I really liked what you did with Rafe. I don’t know anything about acting and all that, but you gave me chills in the scenes where Rafe is losing his mind, and I can’t even hate him because of how sorry I feel for him.’

  Drew watches her with a bland, cautious expression on his face for a second, until he breaks out into one of the biggest smiles she's ever seen. It’s a nice smile – he looks like the boy next door, or the one guy who would be popular in high school (probably a quarterback), or someone she could just trust. 

  Damn.

  ‘Thanks,’ he says, finally. His shoulders don’t seem as tense anymore despite still being about a good half-foot taller than Addie, the difference doesn’t seem as drastic anymore. ‘I’m glad you liked it. You are supposed to hate him, though.’

  Addie scoffs, shaking her head, even though there’s still a smile on her lips. ‘Come on. His freaking dad hates him, his friends are all sixteen or whatever. No wonder he’s so messed up.’

  ‘But he is messed up.’

  ‘Oh yeah, he should rot in jail, totally.’ Addie makes a vague waving motion with her hand. ‘That’s my point, anyway. I hate him but I feel bad for him and I don't think I would’ve if you weren’t so good at what you do.’

  Drew’s smile just grows and he laughs, a little. It’s a fleeting moment, but Addie likes it. Quite a bit, actually. Shame he doesn’t get to do that often as Rafe. 

  ‘Thank you so much, honestly. I thought people would hate me because of Rafe.’

  ‘Are you kidding? Are people actually like that?’

  He makes a vague gesture with his hand (a lot like the one she did earlier) and sighs. ‘You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.’

  ‘Damn.’ Addie shakes her head. ‘Well, um, I should probably get going. It was nice meeting you.’

  ‘We didn’t actually meet,’ he says, with a face that is waiting for her to clock it, except she doesn’t. ‘You haven’t told me your name.’

  ‘Oh! Oh my god, yeah, sorry – It’s Addison. Addie, for short.’

  Drew extends his hand; it’s warm when she takes it, and his grip is as firm as hers. ‘Nice to meet you, Addie.’

  ‘You too, Drew.’

  It’s the moment that their hands fall to each their own side that Addie notices the beginning of awkwardness in the situation. She smiles at him and tells him goodbye, ready to let him go, until she starts thinking about how Marianne is going to flip her shit and won’t even believe her and then—

  ‘Drew! Hi. Sorry again.’ 

  Addie’s got a hand on his shoulder and taps it twice, just enough for him to turn around with the same kind smile. She’s got half a second to wonder if it’s because he knows she’s not some wild fan, or because he’s just like that. 

  ‘It’s okay, don’t worry.’

  She gives him the best apologetic face she can muster. ‘Can we take a photo? My roommate isn’t going to believe me otherwise.’

  Drew laughs, and something falls off of Addie’s chest. He agrees to it, she takes the selfie—cursing the way she’s going to look on it considering she had to put her sunglasses on top of her hair when she entered the store—and his arm’s curved around her shoulder, pulling her close.

  ‘Thank you!’

  ‘It’s really no problem.’ They look at the photo—it’s as good as they get—and Drew lets out a breathy laugh. ‘Shit, we got the same phone.’

  ‘Seriously?’

  ‘Yeah, look.’

  He fishes his phone out of his jacket and, true to his word, they look exactly alike. It’s just a plain black iPhone, but neither of them has a case or anything attached to it, and the two of them laugh. Drew even takes them both and compares them to one another, showing that the only actual difference are the lock screens. Marianne and Addie for hers, and Chase making a grimace for Drew. Someone walks behind them, eyeing them uncomfortably, and Addie sees Drew tug his hat lower. 

  She really hopes she didn’t disturb him by all this. If he’s to be believed then she didn’t, but she can never know. 

  ‘Okay,’ she says, ‘I’ll actually get going now.’

  Drew nods. He recovers in a flash and there’s not a trace of discomfort on his face. ‘Nice meeting you again.’

  Addie just laughs, takes the phone he’s handing her, tells him bye, and walks away. 

  Without turning back, this time. 

  The rest of her shopping goes smoothly. She wants to message Marianne, but she’s also kind of freaking out, or her hangover is acting up, because she’s feeling nauseous and excited and her heart is definitely about to destroy her ribcage. What she does is just keep going on with her shopping as usual, and focus on the things she actually needs. 

  But when she reaches into her pocket to look at the shopping list, it’s Chase’s face that stares back at her, and her heart doesn’t leap out of her chest – it sinks all the way into the hangover-shaped hole in her stomach, and a wave of anxiety rushes through her. 

  Addie looks for Drew all around the store for a solid ten minutes, but she can’t find him. She asks the workers, all of them, and she’s almost ready to give up, when one of them tells her they’ve seen him walk out of the store, shopping bags in tow. 

  She leaves her things in the store, sets the basket aside, and runs through the checkout and onto the parking lot. She calls his name, over and over again, but he’s not here anymore. 

  He left. With her phone. 

  So Addie does the only thing that will soothe her anxiety to a moderate level – go back inside, take her basket, and continue what she came here for. She’ll only be able to deal with the phone situation when either Drew comes back for it (possibly?), or when she texts the number from Marianne’s phone. 

  Drew doesn’t come back, so Addie comes home with an insane story, a phone to find, and no chocolate for Marianne.

   ◇

02: MESSAGE ME ON INSTAGRAM

tagging. @jjmaybanksbaby @taiter-tots @sacredto @snkkat @drewswannabegirl @yeslifeofateen @rudypnkw​

[lizacstuff]

Hi! What did you think of ep23?I love your in depth thoughts on the episodes. I really enjoyed it, especially the EdSer moments (was smiling like an idiot during the skating scene - when Eda complained about it being hot (girl same), and also that she understood what he said in French omg). I hope the grandmother doesn't turn out to be as evil as everyone is assuming. I guess the one big con was Ayfer. She's gotten more annoying right? That's not just me? But I love me some Aydan!

Hello! Thank you for the kind words. Let's see, I did like the episode, but as I said in another ask I was a bit on edge while watching for a couple of reasons, but they're all Edser related so I'll talk about that when I talk about them at the end. As far as Ayfer is concerned, I FEEL YOU. 

Good grief, woman. Why does she have to be such a harpy? It feels like she complains about absolutely everything. Plus, she's forcing a situation where her beloved niece can't trust or confide in her, and all the girls have to hide Eda's work schedule from her. Look, if Ayfer doesn't want to spend time with Aydan, fine, but her anger towards and disapproval of Eda's job and her relationship with Serkan are completely selfish. She may tell herself she's disapproving for Eda's own good, but come on.

Because, seriously, what does Ayfer think she's protecting Eda from? Serkan is handsome, rich, successful and head over heels in love with Eda. Let's be honest, Eda could do worse. He might be a tad arrogant and controlling, but he's a very good man with a very good heart. Also he tries with Ayfer. I get the connection with Alptekin is upsetting, but Serkan and Aydan have cut him completely out of their lives and neither had anything to do with what happened. I also get that Ayfer was put off by the whole contract thing, but it took two to tango there, and Eda's entire world opened up because of that arrangement.

Maybe that's the problem? 

(more under the cut)

Maybe Ayfer can feel Eda expanding and growing and her world getting much bigger than Ayfer's and it scares her? She thinks she'll lose her, or won't recognize her? Privately, Serkan and Eda have talked about running away together, maybe Ayfer senses that's a possibility? (PRO TIP: Then don't be a negative force they have to get away from!) 

Also what's happening with this Chef Alexander thing? Is he actually going to make an appearance? Is there going to be a romance? I think that would be good, maybe that will salvage Ayfer's character and she'll get distracted and maybe even happy. I did laugh, though, at her her calling Aydan and Seyfi out on their lie about having him on board with their charity scheme. They should know better than to try that. Amateur move, kids!  But I will always applaud their matchmaking efforts when it comes to Eda and Serkan. 

I enjoyed the girls this episode. I like that they don't share Ayfer's concerns about Serkan and are ready to go to the mat for whatever Eda wants. Poor Melo is the worst detective, but she gets points for trying. Also points for picking up what Eda was putting down and skillfully sweeping Balca and her broken heel out of the way. I'd want Fifi for protection as well, girl is badass. I can't tell what this Fifi/Erdem thing is supposed to be.  Does she have a soft spot for him, she must because I don't know why she would give him the time of day otherwise. She's not one we have to worry about not being able to say no. If she wanted to rid herself of his presence, she'd do it. Ceren and Ferit are just kind of... there. I don't dislike it, but I also don't really care. They need something to spice that up.

Which is what we finally got with Engin and Piril! Holy moly, who is her dad!?! Mafia boss? Politician? Wealthy recluse? @alicekepley suggested on another post that maybe it's Aydan's first love. Now that would be interesting. Maybe he turned to a life of crime after being disappointed by Aydan? I am now looking forward to see how this plays out and how it affects them. However, there's one thing that gets me almost every episode. I love Engin and Anil, but he looks at least a decade older than Serkan, Piril, and Selin. So much so that I don't buy they could have gone to school together. This is where I'll have to call on my well honed suspension of disbelief I guess... I'll tell myself he spent a lot of time in the sun and is graying a bit prematurely. 

I did like Engin and Serkan sitting around commiserating about their relationships and hoping things were about to turn around. That's the more equal buddy talk I want to know happens. 

Speaking of Serkan, duuuuuuuuude. You're being hunted, wise up!  I'm really stuck on what he said to Sirius after Eda left his house at the top of the episode. "Don't look at me like that, everything is under control, I know perfectly well what I'm doing, this is my tactic." We know from last episode he thought Eda would show, and this episode while talking to Eda he told her that he was expecting her and the candles were for her.  So... did he purposely allow Balca in to provoke Eda's jealousy? If so, I'm not sure this is his best course of action. It's certainly not with regards to fanning Balca's dangerous pretensions, but I'm not sure he's getting his best result with Eda either. It's true that it gave him an excuse to flirt, make the bet, tease her, bask in her obvious jealousy even if she won't admit it, and get a Parisian date out of it. I suppose that's not a bad day's work. On the other hand, if he'd sent Balca on her way, he would have had a happy Eda, in his house, sitting on the couch next to him, watching a movie with him, which also could have led to a very good place for him.  

It's also a mystery to me if Serkan is really clueless about Balca's intentions, or if he's playing dumb to suit his own purposes with Eda. I'm thinking it's the middle. He probably sees it but thinks it's a whole lot more harmless than it is. Like maybe he gets Balca has a crush on him, but he has no suspicion that he's in dangerous fatal attraction territory. Which is where we are. I don't want to fling words like 'crazy' around, but... bitch be crazy! If she is capable of trying to large-scale sabotage his company in her pursuit of him, that's some seriously scary stuff. WAKE UP, SERKAN. 

I said I was uneasy while watching this episode and part of it was concern over what would happen with the tender, and worrying if Balca's sabotage was going to work, leaving Eda to blame. If that had gone the other way, the fallout would have been painful. Also storylines where a fav is falsely accused always make me antsy. I was able to handle the Serkan roof collapse one because it was at the end of the episode, and they were able to figure out that he wasn't responsible right off the top of the next. But this one had me on edge all ep.  I was especially nervous after Eda made the independent report on her recommended firm part of a trust test. Sweetie, I love you, but NOOOOO. That was not the move of a professional. Serkan, as the company principle, wanting to vet a partner or vendor is completely normal and has nothing to do with how much he trusts her. Put aside the fact that she's only been in the workforce for a few months, you always want a second set of eyes on something that important. Always. She showed some of her immaturity there, which is fine, she's young and inexperienced, but it's a sign of how desperate Serkan is for her to forgive him that he humored her. That man will do anything for her, even if it doesn't make sense or is potentially damaging. I get why the writer's did it, for the suspense of Eda being out on that limb all on her own, but it was also actually a bit of a missed opportunity for him to mentor her there. (And I love when she learns from him.)

The other reason I was uneasy watching this ep was due to some frustration with Eda. See above on the trust test, but it was also a little hard to watch her just completely succumb to Serkan's charm and be in the moment with him one moment, and then the next second shake it off and be adamant that she was going to be leaving the job and him shortly.  It felt like constant whiplash. Also if she won the bet she wanted him to leave her alone? Sure, Jan. She could have asked for something really good! We all know she doesn’t really want him to leave her alone, so that pretense has gotten harder and harder to take. However, the times she rebuffed him didn't bother me as much as when she told Melo she was leaving the job. I can chalk up the ones to Serkan as part of her act, trying to protect herself and poke holes in his pretensions, but when she said it to Melo it felt more real. Like that was really what she was still planning to do, and it's really hard to reconcile that with all the moments where she puts down her guard and it's obvious she's madly in love with him.  

On a positive note, scenes where it’s clear they’re madly in love with each other were plentiful this episode. The romantic robot used every opportunity he could find to make her melt. My GAWD she has a will of iron that she was able to back away from him after he recited all the ways he could tell if a woman (her) was in love with him. He is one smooth bastard. And boy does he know her, he knows exactly what he does to her. That scene was FIRE. Not to be crass, but how did they not do it right then and there? After the last few eps, they have to be at a 100 on a scale of 1-10 when it comes to pent up sexual energy. Hey Eda, maybe you wouldn't be so jealous if you knew he had an outlet for that. I'm just sayin'.

The lunch was pretty funny and I definitely enjoyed the kicking and the under the table conversation. After refusing to admit she was jealous, Eda totally deserved that Serkan said that whatever Balca's feelings for him were, they were between him and Balca. Eeesh. I see what he's doing, he's trying to bring her feelings out into the open, and she deserves it, but I don't think he realizes how vulnerable she is over everything. He's walking a tightrope here. However, I do appreciate that he finally just admitted that he's jealous. If he'd just done that in 18, he would have saved himself some angst. Are we to infer from Serkan asking Eda not to use emojis with Efe, that Edser likes to use emojis when they text? Or was that just a generic, "don't be cute with him?"  I think I'll take that Serkan and Eda use emojis, just because it tickles me to think of Serkan Bolat doing that. All of shipper twitter thinks that's the writers poking at the actors because of how much they use them with one another on social. Who knows, maybe that explains it, since it sort of came out of the blue. You gotta love, though, that every manipulative thing Balca did either failed or backfired spectacularly. Showing up at his place, sure she succeeded in upsetting Eda and derailing their night, but it also put Eda on her guard and brought about the flirty wager between Eda and Serkan. She left the earring, but Eda found it before she could use it as an excuse to return. She broke her heel, but that just gave her a ruined pair of shoes and Melo an excuse to get her out of there so Serkan and Eda could be alone. She and her devious friend succeeded in throwing Melo and Eda off the scent, however all that meant was that Serkan won the bet and gave him the pretense needed to get her to agree to the most romantic date on the planet. She sabotaged the report, but Eda still found out about the company's background and Eda was the hero when ArtLife won the tender. Balca: 0 percent success rate so far. 

THE ICE SKATING SCENES WERE PURE MAGIC!  It was fun to see the whole cast out there having a blast, but obviously it was the Edser scene at night that lit up the whole show. Damn was that pretty. (it's currently my ipad lock screen and home screen) The chemistry between the actors was on display all episode, but here it just exploded. When Eda said she was hot, no kidding! How could you not be? And I agree that Serkan speaking French to her was OMG. Love, love, love the date that Serkan planned for them in Paris. I'm bereft that we'll likely never see it. Damn you pandemic, look what you've taken from us! The characters, and the audience, deserve an entire episode of Paris romantic fluff. We've all earned this! 

The date sounded perfect and I found it very interesting that he had purposely never been to Montmartre. So at some point he promised himself he'd only go there with a woman he was truly in love with, makes me wonder if it was a much younger Serkan who made that promise. The Serkan we met in the pilot didn't believe in love, he was hard-hearted, he actually talked with Engin about how a contract, a bloodless business transaction, was the way to go for relationships. Robot Bolat. So I don't think he made that idealistic promise any time recently. If so, that means he's had that in the back of his mind for years, but Eda's the only woman he's ever considered taking. My heart. I love how the show keeps showing us and telling us that this is the first time Serkan has ever been in love. You could see in that scene that Eda was right there with him. She was so happy and in the moment and swept away by the romance. She was as excited for Paris as he was. I know we all wanted a kiss/declaration here, it would have been a very good moment for it. A very good one. But the show has other plans for them, so we wait.

So, yeah, I really liked the Edser we got, but Eda’s hot and cold act was hard to reconcile at times. However, perhaps it all came together in the end, when she's talking to Melo and Ceren about Paris. She was feeling troubled over it, probably what agreeing to go with him meant, but they both told her to listen to her heart in Paris and it seems like she was going to do it: "From now on I'll stop worrying. I'm opening a new page in life." So I think in that moment she was ready for next steps and was planning to be open with him in Paris, let's hope it carries over to the next episode even without Paris. 

Actually, that whole conversation was a bit of a window into her psyche and was more illuminating than almost anything in the episode in that regard. When Eda says she’s worried, Melo teases her that she's nervous to be alone with Serkan Bolat, and then jokes that all young women would like to have that problem, including herself.  Eda does NOT like that joke and actually verbalizes it, "Melo, at least you don't do that."  That was a huge spotlight into Eda's insecurities, like she is really discombobulated by witnessing women showing interest in him while they're in such a nebulous place. Since she is coming off of what happened with Selin, and was already feeling jealous when the first candidate set her off with (her creepy) talk of chemistry last episode, then finding Balca at Serkan's house in the opening scene, I suppose it's no surprise that all of that has had some residual effects. But that it's to the point where she can't take a joke from Melo is telling. Poor thing.  

My hope is that this is just something she's working through while she's feeling off-kilter about everything. It would be one thing if they were together, but she's in this headspace where half the time she says she's leaving and it's over between them and half the time she acting like his wife, so I think she's just discombobulated. Maybe she just wants time to figure things out, but feels like she doesn’t have it, because someone is going to swoop in and take her place and that’s feeding her jealousy? The fact that Serkan can’t see it (Selin and Balca) until it’s out of control doesn’t help. 

It's natural for her to be upset that this woman has entered the scene and is clearly trying to maneuver herself into Eda's place in Serkan's life. However, there is an easy fix to this. Just go be with him. Come on, Eda, we know you can do it! You're ready. You’re primed. Bring on the New Year's Ep!

[kitty-cat-is-back]

What Am I Doing with My Life? Chapter 2

Pairing: Sero Hanta x Reader

Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: Holy moly guys! I know I said this is another post, but I am still in shock about how well recieved the first chapter was! Thank you so so much everyone! Now, I just want to say before anyone asks, I have no idea how long this will be. I’m basically just writing as I go, but I do know how I want it to end! Hopefully you guys will stick around til the end! Also, let me know if I should do a taglist for this! Anywho, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 1

Warnings: signs of depression, angst (I guess), a bit of cursing

‘How did I end up here?’

You sat stiffly at a wobbly table in the corner of the cafe, staring down at your lap intensely. Honestly, this just seemed like a dream. Or a nightmare. You hadn’t quite figured out which one it was yet. You hesitantly glanced up to see Hanta at the counter, chatting up the barista with his usual big smile. He hadn’t changed at all. Well… That wasn’t necessarily true. Actually, he had changed quite a lot. His once lanky body had filled out quite nicely with age, starting at the top with broad shoulders and going down to what you would assume was a muscled abdomen, or at least that was what the tight heather grey t-shirt was telling you. Your gaze traveled back up to his face, noticing his strong jawline and how well it complemented his features. You realize you might’ve been staring a bit too long when you notice him staring back at you, amusement in his eyes, and a cunning grin. Your eyes widen a bit before promptly looking back down at your lap, your face burning with embarrassment.

Hanta grabbed both of your drinks and came back to the table, taking the seat across from yours, “Here you go! A nice, tasty water,” he teased, “Are you sure you don’t want something else? I really don’t mind paying to get you something better,” he said, taking a sip of his coffee.

You cleared your throat and grabbed the water, “No, this is fine. Thank you though…” you replied softly, taking a quick drink in hopes it would smooth out all of your awkwardness.

Sero hummed in acknowledgment and kept his focus on you, “Well, anyways… How have you been? I don’t think anyone’s heard from you since graduation!”

‘Why is he being so nice to me?’

You adjusted uncomfortably in your seat and gave a small shrug of your shoulders, “Oh, y’know… I’ve been good. Moved here to go to school, got my masters in psych, and now I’m working as a therapist essentially.”

Hanta’s eyes lit up with interest, “Wow, really!? That’s so cool! You’re basically like a doctor! You were always pretty smart back then, so that actually shouldn’t surprise me all that much… Not to mention moving all the way to Chicago straight out of high school. That must’ve been a pretty tough challenge…”

‘He’s talking as if nothing happened…’

You laughed awkwardly, scratching your cheek in discomfort, “Well, I’m not a doctor! I think that’s offensive to actual doctors who did the extra schooling. I can’t prescribe any medication, but I do provide them with therapy and advice… And I guess the move was a little challenging, but after eight years I think I’m used to it. B-But enough about me! My life isn’t all that interesting, what about you?”

Hanta quirked an eyebrow, “Me? Well… I tried community college for a semester, but pretty quickly decided I wasn’t ready to take on four more years of schooling. So I dropped out and started job hunting. Had an office job for a while, but I wasn’t very happy doing that either. It wasn’t until one night when I was out with the squad that we all, drunkenly, of course, decided that we all hated our nine to fives and wanted to work for ourselves! So we made our own company! So now we get to work on our own time, make good money, and actually have fun doing it! Plus, we get to do cool things like going on a trip to Chicago with the excuse of it being ‘marketing research,’” he stated with air quotes.

‘His life sounds great, so why is he talking to me?’

“Wow, that takes a lot of guts, but at least it all turned out for the best. Finding happiness in life and job fulfillment is something a lot of people struggle with…” you noted, briefly pondering your own work-life balance, “But you said you’re on a business trip? For how long?”

“Yea, it’s for about two weeks. We wanted to make the most out of our vacation! But… We actually have to do a little bit of work. Katsuki would kill us if we didn’t!”

“...We?”

“Oh, yea! I came with Kaminari, which was probably a terrible idea in hindsight… Actually, I was just with him walking around the city and that’s when I saw you! I thought it was you that I walked past and I just had to be sure! Thank God it was you, otherwise, I would’ve just been a crazy person yelling in the streets,” he said with a cheery laugh.

“So… You just abandoned Kaminari.”

“...More or less, yes.”

‘How can he be so carefree?’

You couldn’t help but let out a breathy laugh. You couldn’t tell if it was from actual amusement or disbelief. You felt like you had been transported back to a time when you were… happy. You felt something you hadn’t felt in years and… you didn’t feel like you deserved to feel this.

Hanta could feel something uncertain left in the silence between you, “Speaking of this, I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable by all this. That wasn’t my intention! I just happened to see you out in the street and my legs started moving to you before I even had a chance to think of what I was going to say if I got to you. I missed you, y’know?”

‘...what…?’

At those last words, your throat clenched and your eyes began to burn with tears. You’ve kept everything locked up so tightly all these years, not letting anything get to you. How was it that a few words were able to crack your walls? The shaky breath that you released along followed by a sniffle became an instant giveaway to your current state.

‘He missed me…?’

Hanta’s eyes practically bulged out of his head when he realized what was going on, “Oh shit, I’m so sorry! I’ve made you uncomfortable, haven’t I!? Fuck, I didn’t mean to make you upset…”

‘He missed me…’

You turned your face away from him and desperately started trying to cover up your blunder, “No, no! I’m fine! Don’t apologize! I um… There must be a cold breeze that’s blowing on me. Yea, the air is just making my eyes water… I’m n-not crying! I-” you paused when you felt a warm hand placed on top of your own. Your head snapped back and met Hanta’s eyes, shocked to find a loving and gentle look in them.

“Y/N… What’s wrong?”

You couldn’t hold back anymore. Tears streamed down your cheeks for the first time in years. When was the last time you cried? You don’t even think you could remember. You choked back a sob and lowered your head.

‘Everything.’

“Nothing,” you started.

Hanta squeezed your hand while gently caressing his thumb over the top of it, “Don’t act like I don’t know you. We might have gotten older, but you’re still exactly as I remember you. Bottling everything up until you burst. If this is about back then, I’m just going to set the record straight and tell you outright that I don’t care. That’s in the past and I wouldn’t have chased after you today if I was mad at you. Please… Just talk to me.”

You squeezed your eyes shut as you tried to get yourself under control, but it was no use. Hanta had made a large crack in your wall and you couldn’t patch it up. You weren’t ready to bring that up just yet, but you knew he wouldn’t just let this slide. You had to come up with something…

You shook your head, “No… It’s just-” you paused and swallowed thickly, “It’s… my apartment.”

Hanta narrowed his eyes, searching for any trace of lies, “...Your apartment?”

You nodded and sniffled, using your free hand to wipe away some of your tears, “Uh-huh… It’s um… There’s no light in my apartment. I have windows, but they face a brick wall of another building. Every morning I wake up in a dark apartment and just stare at the brick wall, hoping one day it’ll just turn into a nice backyard in the suburbs, like back at home. Most mornings, I don’t even want to get out of bed, knowing that even when I leave my apartment, it’s still dark outside. I thought when I moved here every day would be a fun adventure in the big city. But… Even when the sun is shining, it still feels… dark,” you finish, realizing even despite yourself, you still opened up. Just maybe not in the way he wanted.

Hanta stayed silent for a moment, processing everything you had said. It seemed real to him, but he knew there was so much more wrong than just where you lived, “Do you even want to live here anymore?”

“It was always my dream to live in a big city…”

“Well, what’s your dream now?”

You didn’t answer.

Hanta nodded, knowing that’s all he was going to be able to get out of you for now, “So… Your apartment, huh? Well, let’s go check it out! I’ve always wanted to see what a lavish big city apartment looks like anyways!”

Your head snapped back towards him, “Wait, what? No, Hanta, I don’t think that-”

“Besides, I consider myself to be a gentleman. If something is distressing you, I have to try and fix it, right? I think that’s written in the gentlemen’s code, right?” he retorted quickly, not giving you the chance to tell him no. He had a newfound mission and he only had two weeks to do it. He stood with conviction and pulled you up by the hand he was still holding, “Well, lead the way!”

‘Not again…’