#the carer never the cared

[h3ck]

but see the thing is i'd drop anything and everything for you or anyone but i'm alone when i'm breaking down

[redeemed-wren]

I'm hoping episode 3 let's Ruby see the dark side of the Doctor. I feel that adds a very important dynamic to a Doctor-companion relationship, when they see how dark he can be and still choose to travel with him early on.

Rose watching Nine drag Cassandra back to die. Eleven yelling at Amy "Nobody human has anything to say to me today!" Donna begging Ten to stop drowning the spider babies, and then again to go back and save someone in Pompeii.

Fifteen has been FUN and I know he can do emotional range, I've seen his fear and his tears already. But I want to see him dark, and I want to see Ruby respond to that. I think it would add a LOT of depth to their relationship and is something missing.

Plus showcasing the Doctor's flaws (selfishness) will make him a much more interesting character. I want to see some conflict between the Doctor and Ruby.

[anewbrainjughead]

i've realised the reason why whitaker's brand of nice non-threatening mild-mannered ex-theology student guy who can also kill a rat with his bare hands like it's nothing just doesn't read as gay to me is because he kinda reminds me of my dad

[treesbian]

hey general public. if someone is fostering your cats for you while you're between homes + you were unexpectedly homeless for like 3 weeks + you haven't been able to get to housing that will allow your pets to come with you yet, and you're in regular contact with that someone discussing those cats and paying for their care needs, and then that someone messages you saying they decided they're just going to keep your pets because they decided that's what's best for them, that's stealing, right? that's stealing? the general public of reasonable people in the world agree that that is theft? yes?

that's what these bitches did to my godsister fuck them!!! but they got threatened with criminal theft charges and handed them over ^_^ and my aunt already pressed trespassing charges on them lol. but when I texted them to yell at them about it they lied saying they never stole any cats but like. what they did was stealing. my mom had to take it all the way up to the police but I kind of don't feel bad because it was their own damn fault. I hope their lives aren't ruined forever but I do hope they learn what a consequence is

[cyberboomer]

''i try not letting it get to me.'' I say, letting it get to me

[amidnightqueery]

I miss my brother but I just can't work past the feeling that I should leave him in peace. He deserves that at least

[lesbians-cannibals-pomegranates]

Always the carer never the cared for. Always the carer never the cared for. Always the carer never the cared for. Always the carer never the cared for. Always the carer never the cared for. Always the

[strawberryfloofs]

tw: mentions of neglect/abuse

carer with a traumatized age regressor they know they're helping to heal everytime they slip.

never received toys/were given very few toys as a kid? bubbas spoiling you in all the toys you want! if their kiddo is a little more shy and feeling guilty, they'll notice their little one eyeing a toy. "do you want it puppy? no need to feel bad, i just wanna give you everything you deserve"

went without food in public? carer will always order something for you, you never have to watch them eat while you have nothing. "oh honey I would never~ not only is that mean, but you gotta grow big and strong like me!"

went without food/snacks in private? your caregiver always makes sure they stock up on your favorite snacks and brands- no matter how specific they are. there's no shame in only eating a certain brand or flavor of chips. there's always groceries in the house and they're happy to cook for you, wanting to make sure you're safe AND fed. "are you hungy? I can get my sweetheart their favorite snack until the pastas done?"

had bad physical treatment? they would NEVER even THINK about laying a hand on you. if you misbehave or act up, they understand you're just in littlespace. like real kids, emotions can be hard and some moments arent good. sometimes kids like to test boundaries, there's nothing wrong with that. they won't let it slide and will issue lines, time outs, and stuff like early bedtime or shorter playtime- but nothing physical or mentally damaging. "angel I know you're all upset and shouting at bubba, but I need you to sit in the chair for 5 minutes. we don't yell."

missed out on a lot of childhood experiences? that's okay! your cg is soooo happy to integrate anything into their routine. whether it's storytime, going to the park, holiday celebrations, they're happy to accomodate! "oh you wanna have a bubba baby book read before your nap? of course little one!"

touch starved and wanting a lot of physical affection? they'll love on you SO much to try and make up for it! cuddles, pats, carries, boops, you got it! "awww does munchkin need a hug? cmere"

weren't treated the best emotionally? they understand how it can impact you. your carer always reminds you that you're not a burden, it wasn't your fault, and they truly do love you. they're not lying to you, they don't hate you, there's no maliciousness or ulterior motives- just pure love and care. "I know it was a lot, and I'm sorry you had to live through that angel- but I'm glad you're with me now. As long as I'm here, and as long as you'll let me- I won't let anyone treat you like that again. I pinky promise, my little love. Always, and forever."

Icl, this was very self indulgent to me- but I hope anyone who can sadly relate feels atleast a little bit of comfort and wholesomeness from this. I believe you. You're strong.

[moonastro]

groom persona chart

industria in the houses (389)

what is a groom persona chart? this chart exhibits qualities that your husband will have and possible placements that can be seen in their chart. it is simply a chart all about your spouse in a woman's chart. the asteroid groom can be identified using the code 5129.

asteroid industria which can be brought up using the code 389. it represents what type of career or profession your future spouse may have and be in.

<<<<lets get into the house placement of the asteroid industria and what it means in likes of the career of your spouse!!!>>>>

˚˖˚˖𓍢ִ໋🦢˚READINGS AVAILABLE (DM ME)˚˖𓍢ִ໋🦢˚˚˖˚

industria in 1st house: this field that your spouse is in can be a representation of their ego and their self, the job that he has can tell a lot about him. he can really identify as his job so can be very focused at work and can almost create a whole personality trait out of his work. always mentioning that he's working and so on. can take pride in his job and may rarely change jobs as can relate too much to the job that may not have the guts to let go of it. his job can be a focal point of his life meaning that his life evolves around his job and not the other way around. its all he ever talks about, can never have the time to do anything else but work.

⊹₊⟡⋆depending on what sign or aspects that are present with industria can tell us more details about your spouses career. so if in scorpio- can include hard labour, conflicts within the job, some unhealthy attachments related to the job, job related to metal, knifes, blood, skin and organs/meat. if in aspect to the sun- job can be related to sweat, training, masculine energy, lots of mean working at that job, a high efficient job, jobs related to, production and behind the scenes. if aspected to mars- job related to metal, hard labour, muscle, sore body, problems to health, slaughter, conflict, high esteem, arguing.

industria in 2nd house: for this placement, the field that your spouse can be a part of are working in the section of basic needs, meaning that this job can be involved with working with food, clothing, water, shelter and money as those are the survival needs that humans need. a job in culinary, cooking, nutrition, such as a dietician, chef, cook. a nurturing and guiding job so this can mean being in the field of taking care of others and making them comfortable.

⊹₊⟡⋆ depending on the aspects and signs can influence the depth of the career. so if mars is aspecting the asteroid- hard labour, sweat, muscle building, arguments, conflict, confidence, tiredness. in Aquarius- online, socials media, influence, IT, communal, crowd speaking, job related to a big crowd, inspiring job.

industria in 3rd house: fields related to this placement can include trips, having opportunities to travel while working, being involved in the local media and being known locally, so being a part of the news, journalist, news reporter, counsellor, therapist, transportation worker such as a taxi driver, uber, bus driver, coach driver etc. may have a lot of communications involved or lots of talking and sharing is involved in the job, like for example sharing information, passing on ideas, carrying on a procedure etc. may work at an education system that works with younger people, lower education assistant, teacher, advisor, principle etc. may develop or attract a lot of contact throughout this job as he may meet loads of people in a day, may create this restlessness energy also that is associated with this job.

⊹₊⟡⋆ depending on what aspects are influenced and the sign its in can tell us more depth into the position of your spouses career. if in gemini-job related to communities, writing, social media, advising, teaching, developing, tech, vehicles, travel. if in capricorn- business, manager, supervisor, head of department, boss, ceo. aspecting the moon- home carer, nurse, doctor, job related to emotional intelligence, home provider, he can have a stable job that gives a steady pay check, nurturing.

industria in 4th house: for this placement, your spouse may be in the filed correlated to security meaning that this can be a job of stable flow of wages and income. this job that your spouse is in can create stability for other people as well so working on building s better home place for people like architect, real estate, flooring company, movers people, furniture related, designer, interior and exterior designer. working with families so a counsellor, nurse, doctor, and anywhere else related to hospitality and taking care of people in general and creating a comfortable and caring atmosphere. this job can come very naturally for your spouse and it can actually be a field that he chose because of his interests and by being very good at what he does, it can come at ease to him.

⊹₊⟡⋆depending on the sign or aspects related to the asteroid can give us more insight on the career. so if its aspecting saturn- job related to labour, stable long hours, dedication and concentration so can be a routine based job, lots of stress. if in cancer- job related to curing people, helping people, cooking, acts of service, creating a comfortable environment, cleaning, house related job.

industria in 5th house: this placement can indicate a career associated with creative and novelty related such as wedding planner, wedding photographer and so forth, this job can be quite risk taking and can require a lot of confidence and effort, perhaps even willpower also. working with children or around children is possible, having a job that is considered childish or easy and simple. this job can include a lot of projects and tasks involved in it. this job of his can also be a hobby of his and thats why it may seem like it is easy to him anyway. this career can be considered as fun and very playful, can be a genuinely fun and exciting job for your spouse. this could also be a passion of many, this job that your spouse may have can be desired by many people and it can be considered as the job of successful people.

⊹₊⟡⋆ if aspecting venus- beauty, music, musician, dancer, working with high brands, working with successful people and collaborating with many, luxury, sweets, fashion, make up, skin. if in pisces- hospital, travelling, flight attendant, pilot, getting a job offer in a foreign land, a boat driver, acting, music, artist. in aries- fast paced, action oriented job, conflict, arguments, jobs involving competition and envy, vehicles, camera.

industria in 6th house: careers that can be associated with this placement are jobs that are health related, such as taking care of the body and examples include fitness trainer, dietician, working in the gym, personal trainer, perhaps even a doctor, nurse and other health related professions. a job that requires lots of empathy and seeing a lot of people being hurt and having no control over it. a job that can fee like you are stuck. also a job related to pets, animals so working with them or working to heal them and caring for them. this job may require your spouse to sacrifice a lot also, either if its family time, assets, and so forth.

⊹₊⟡⋆ if in aspect to neptune- job related to illusions, drugs, alcohol, addiction, an addictive substance, movies, job related to being easily influenced. in scorpio- knives, cutting, metal, surgery, blood, transformational occurrence, occult, secrets, deep. in libra- beaty, food, sweets, influence, changes, discoveries, a job related to co working and working and partnering with other people.

industria in 7th house: the career of your spouse can be related to awakenings and getting humbled almost, this field of work can be a change in their life's perspective and can often change also from time to time, this may also mean that he can change industries also. a career that involves reactions and feedback which means that the customers feedback can mean a lot to this jobs inquiry. perhaps even feedback is what gives the job business as well. jobs that might be on mention are small business, online seller, plumber, nail technician, driving instructor and so forth. any job that requires a good feedback in order to flow customers in. this job can be involved in equality and discoveries, anything to do with cases and technologies also. working in big tech companies or perhaps even having personal assignments assigned to them. such jobs that fit into this category are lawyer, crime scene detective, detective, research company, personal assistant, business owner and so forth.

⊹₊⟡⋆ aspecting the sun- jobs related to managing, fame, organising, being a leader, being a monitor person, security guard, labour job, working around a big crowd, influencing. in scorpio- meat, skin, surgery, mystery, secrets, keeping it low and confidential.

industria in 8th house: a career that your spouse may have is something to do with duty and receiving orders from someone such as working for someone or being involved with the military and army. a job that has a lot of respect and a job that respect is likely. a lot of rules and especially a lot of regulations can be in set at your spouses job that your spouse may have to follow. a high diligence and secretive career. career involved with death and inheritance perhaps its them working at a death insurance company, a person who organises funerals and so forth. any job that may organise or be in charge of inheritance cheques also. he may work somewhere where contracts are involved and most likely can be working for government rules and the system of the government also.

⊹₊⟡⋆ aspecting pluto- strictness, possessiveness, unhealthy habits, jobs to do with addiction and control. aspecting saturn- dedication, jobs related to being a leader and being discipline, a job that takes long hours and takes hard work to complete.

industria in 9th house : so your spouses field of specialty may be include a lot of travel, lots of moving about the place and always experiencing something new. this job may have needed a source of higher education so your spouse may needed to go to university or college in order to get a degree of some sort to have this career. this career may be a high success field meaning that he is very good at what he does although may not realise it. may work with a lot of people from different backgrounds and different atmospheres, may have seen everything or it may feel like it as his job can be quite diverse and challenging. this field in that your spouse can be in can include a mass media attention, or may have access to a mass media meaning that he can be very influential and quite powerful with his position in his career.

⊹₊⟡⋆depending on aspects and the sign that industria is in can really make a difference in what the actual career is. lets say its in taurus- beauty, singing, financial building, banker, investor, chef. say if it is aspecting saturn- long hours, labour, professionalism, seriousness, hard concentration is involved in his job. if in gemini- social media, writing, using new ideas, quick and sharp thinking/mind, quick outcomes, fast approach.

industria in 10th house: so your spouse field of work can be related to high status and high attention. this career may require him to deal with a lot behind the scenes and deal with most stuff by himself, a very personal yet public job. can have a big leadership position, a very guarding yet important role. may have a standard that needs to be kept in this field. maybe a certain appearance may be kept such as clothes, hairstyle, what to wear and not wear, perhaps even control on weight and what can be done to the body and what can not. a very high demanding job, very high stress. lots of control and this can be a very controlling job. also there can be competition in this career, whether its amongst your colleagues or its a high competing job to access.

⊹₊⟡⋆depending on the sign and aspects that are occurring to this asteroid can tell us more about what career they may have. so if uranus is aspecting industria- internet, social media, high following online, high online consumption, high tech, uncontrollable atmosphere, sudden changes, sudden doings, no control. if aspecting the ascendant- appearance, high maintenance, beauty, body, accessories, personality.

industria in 11th house: this career can be associate with working with groups of people, people that they may feel familiar with also. this can be a job where he works in his community where he helps out people that he knows. this job may also be a voluntary job that he signed up for. this can be a very peaceful yet shared experience career, lots of advice may be given in the job and especially a lot of shared creative ideas may be talked upon. the colleagues of your spouse may be very friendly and the whole atmosphere of the job can be very friendly and comforting. job that is involved in beauty and the internet. especially a career that involves high tech and computers.

⊹₊⟡⋆ in gemini- transport, vehicles, bicycles, a job related to teaching, social media influencer, local community, if aspecting jupiter- teacher, mentor, librarian, author, influencer.

industria in 12th house: this career of your spouse can be detail based and can require lots of memorisation and delivering of details. this job can be of sections meaning that it requires completion of one assessment in order to be able to be carried onto the next one, you cant just skip ahead and things like that. this career of your spouse can be involved into efficiency and order and by that this may mean that their job is done efficiently and there may be different ways of doing that job. there can be a value of perfection and cleanliness related to the job. there can be high expectations and pressure that is linked to this job of your spouse. anything to do with health and especially mental health, remedies, consultations and seeking advice. lots of research and techniques can be used in his career.

⊹₊⟡⋆depending on the sign and aspects of the asteroid it can influence more depth into what specific profession he can be a part of. in scorpio- can be related to research, writing, astrology, transformational work, deep messaging, cutting, mining, occult teachings. if in taurus- beauty, singing, voice, dancing, finance, bank, assets, job related to food, cooking, meal preparations, fluctuation themed such as investments and stock markets. associations to mercury- job can be related to text, writing, teaching, travelling, changing positions, speech, social media, vehicles, exchanges. aspects to the sun- job related to fame, spotlight, ego exchange, being themself, high position, knowing their way around things.

Guysss, im glad to be posting this, i really want to get back with posting regularly but have so much to dooo- its never ending. anyway, thanks for reading and have a lovely rest of your day.

[homunculus-argument]

A planet that's so similar to Earth that a species that looks and moves uncannily like humans has emerged due to covergent evolution. But these humanlike creatures are not the spacefaring species of the planet - the alien species capable of space travel is different, more clever, gained advantage earlier, one could say that the humanlike species never evolved the same path as humans did specifically because this other type of creature beat them at the race to become the planet's top apex predator, and could no longer be dethroned.

Instead, the two learned to coexist, and the species that would one day sail to the stars domesticated the humanoids, becoming allies and partners instead of rivals in some needless competition for space and prey. The creatures that never were quite human to begin with settled comfortably to a new position, as the top apex predator's allies, guards and friends. Fed and cared for, they became instinctively trusting of these aliens who would one day journey across the stars, and would encounter humans. And in return, their carers did the same, regarding their companions as beloved friends as well as servants and tools.

And now that they've met with humans, who are so eerily similar to that familiar species at home, they struggle to resist the urge to go "doggy!" and casually pet the starship captain's head.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

autism awareness & autism acceptance not either or. not mutually exclusive. can coexist. need coexist.

“there enough awareness for autism already 🙄 we need acceptance”

ok. you aware of high support needs autism? aware what that even means? not “need reminder take meds need remind take shower” “high” support needs autism, but “need full physical help do bADLs lack danger awareness may accidentally hurt self or even kill self without support” high support needs autism? not just higher support needs people who can be independently online do advocacy, but those who need help from others even be online, or those who cannot be online at. all.?

aware of nonverbal nonspeaking people? not just nonverbal nonspeaking people who can write grammatically correct cannot tell apart base on writing. not just nonverbal nonspeaking people who can be online who can advocate online.

aware of nonverbal nonspeaking people who cannot communicate in way that easily understood, either for now, or ever? aware of nonverbal nonspeaking people without functional communication, aware of how without functional communication, how that drastically limit communication, even though behaviors are valid communication? aware of nonverbal nonspeaking people who may never use AAC fluently even with best support?

aware of technically verbal but very limited verbal autistics who may only able say wants & needs but not other things and certainly not online advocacy, “despite being verbal”?

aware of just how much our life depends on caregiver/carer/PCA/etc? aware how vulnerable that make us? aware of abuse from caregivers? aware of caregiver burnout from lack of support for caregivers, & how that impact our care we receive? have you even heard of term respite care? aware of those of us who cannot separate ourselves from caregiver? aware of those of us who cannot participate in autism community without caregiver?

aware of visibly autistic people? aware how we not automatically believed? aware how we often bear blunt of violence because we most easily identified target because we visible? aware visible =/= get support, aware that many those diagnosed severe who now adult so no longer qualify for services under 21 year old, languish in hospitals because nowhere to go? aware how long life saving necessary waitlists are? aware that even to this day parents have to fight school fight day service fight government fight insurance for them give their nonverbal nonspeaking child AAC & be properly taught how use it? actually, are you aware of how properly teach AAC to nonverbal nonspeaking, developmentally delayed child who may or may not have intellectual disability?

actually, aware of autistics with (correctly diagnosed) intellectual disability & how they make up big amount of autistic? aware of institutional systemic & legal impact of mental [r word] right & the human rights abuse justified using r word right? wait, you aware that r word come from old term for intellectual disability, that, actually, still in many laws because no one bothered updating, right? aware of what severe profound ID look like? and aware they real and they still human deserve education deserve life deserve care, yes?

aware of early diagnosis 20 30 or even 10 years ago, not same as now, even less resources & knowledge about autism now? aware that while gender race class 1000% impacted diagnoses, a lot of early diagnosed people early diagnosed because… they die without support unlocked by diagnosis, right? but also, aware that in old times, early diagnosis often did mean doom, not because autism bad or anything, but because severe lack of support & diagnosis can literally bar you from so many things including basic education?

aware that for many people in special education, which impact specific group of autistic people, they not get degree when graduate high school, they just get certificate, which limit their educational & employment opportunities & others?

aware of life saving importance and necessity of masking for autistic of color especially Black autistic people, despite stress inducing traumatic? aware that live in broken system be victim of hate crime & police brutality just as traumatic often even more traumatic than masking? aware that many Black & other parents of color forced to teach their child masking because of this?

are you aware of most marginalized autistic people? aware of leadership of most impacted?

aware you can and need to care about autistic experiences & form of autism you not experience? aware that you can and need to do that without try twist your experience into our experience into our words our community?

aware that advocacy goes beyond about you?

aware that you can’t speak for all autistic? aware that you shouldn’t speak for all autistic?

are you aware of when you need to stop talking & listen & amplify others? aware of when and how to decenter self?

aware that even this long post, barely scratch surface? still so much to say?

[better worded version of original post]

[cosmosluckycharms]

Bug like angel incorrect quotes yet again

miguel version

honestly could also be read as non bug like angel idk

Kidnapper: We have your daughter

miguel: I don’t have a daughter?

Kidnapper: Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crusts off her sandwich?

miguel: Oh god, you have spider!reader

spider!reader: This is miguel, he's… not my assistant, some other word.

miguel: I’m her carer.

spider!reader: Yeah, my carer. he cares so I don’t have to.

spider!reader, trying her first ever cup of coffee: I am ENERGY!

miguel, an avid coffee drinker, on his twelfth cup of the day: Someone slap me awake or I am literally going to fall into a coma in ten seconds.

miguel: spider!reader, can you help me? All of my clothes keep disappearing for some reason.

spider!reader, wearing a hoodie that's 5 times bigger than her size: Spooky.

spider!reader, very tired: Can I sleep in your bed?

miguel: *half asleep* spider!reader, this is a queen-sized bed. That means it’s for *gestures vaguely to himself* the Queen.

spider!reader: School sucks.

miguel: I know, but you have to do it so you can get a job.

spider!reader: What are jobs like?

miguel: They suck.

spider!reader: Holy shit, miguel, do you know what this means?!

miguel: Kid, whenever you start doing this, nobody knows what you mean.

miguel: Are you ever going to listen to me?

spider!reader: Yes. Absolutely.

miguel: When?

spider!reader: When you're right.

miguel: Why are you like this??

spider!reader: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

spider!reader: You believe me?

miguel: spider!reader, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

miguel: What are you doing here?

spider!reader: I could ask you the same question.

miguel: I live here. This is my house.

spider!reader: I should probably ask you a different question.

miguel: I'm going the fight the next person who insults spider!reader.

spider!reader: I hate myself.

miguel: Alright, square up.

spider!reader: Bitch.

miguel: Blocked.

spider!reader: Wait unblock me I need to tell you something.

miguel: Unblocked.

spider!reader: Bitch.

miguel: I can never give spider!reader shit because I’m jealous of them. They look at their life and say, “Sweet! This is perfect!”

miguel: I look at my life and say, “Welp. Time to get drunk.”

spider!reader: I want a trip down memory lane.

miguel: *proceeds to grab every warrior cats book they have and sets them in spider!reader's lap*

miguel: I heard you needed these?

spider!reader: YES! ALL OF THEM!

miguel: In the past year you have managed to piss off the LAPD, ATF, CIA, FBI-

spider!reader: NBA.

miguel: …?

spider!reader: Snuck into a Cliffords game.

spider!reader: I got grounded for a whole week just because I came home late.

miguel: Well, you deserved it. I mean, getting everyone's hopes up like that and then showing up again.

miguel: You’re alive.

spider!reader: No need to sound so disappointed.

spider!reader: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I’m eating dirt?

miguel: Why are you eating dirt?

spider!reader: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question.

miguel: spider!reader, no.

spider!reader: spider!reader, yes.

spider!reader: Here comes the lightning!

spider!reader, whispering: You've got to imagine it coming out my fingertips, wherein I am an almighty wizard.

miguel: Ok, currently imagining that. Hmm, not bad. Not bad at all.

spider!reader: Am I in trouble?

miguel: Take a guess.

spider!reader: No? miguel:

Take another guess.

spider!reader: So what’s for dinner?

miguel: I can’t tell you, it’s a soup-prise!

spider!reader: …

spider!reader: Is it soup?

miguel: I soup-pose it could be! *winks*

spider!reader: Please, enough with the soup puns!

miguel: Wow, you’re soup-per mean.

spider!reader: STOP! *one hour later*

spider!reader: It’s fucking tacos?!?!?!

miguel: spider!reader, are you drinking… drinking hydrogen peroxide?!

spider!reader: It says H2O2! That means it’s the sequel to water!

miguel: spider!reader, I beg of you. Please, PLEASE go to the doctor.

spider!reader Hey, I'm sorry. Is this OUR stab wound?

miguel: *Turns on the kitchen light*

spider!reader: *Sitting at the table, eating bread*

miguel: It’s four in the morning.

spider!reader: Turn the light back off.

spider!reader: I’m the smartest, wisest person in this group.

miguel: Really? Then why is your hand stuck in a vending machine?

spider!reader: I paid for my Mars Bar, I’m getting my Mars Bar.

spider!reader: *is throwing stones at miguel's window*

miguel: You have a phone for a reason, spider!reader!

*THUD*

miguel: DID YOU JUST THROW YOUR PHONE AT MY WINDOW?!

miguel: *very seriously* You need to stop doing weird things to cope with the stress. Going outside might help.

spider!reader: I went to the park today.

miguel: There you go! I hope you got something from that.

spider!reader: *opening their coat* This duck.

pt 1 cause theres gonna be more i js ran out of image space

[thezeninclan]

omegaverse ft. the hashira

TENGEN — alpha obviously, I don’t think there’s a person on earth who would argue otherwise. tengen doesn’t believe in toxic alpha-ness, or alpha aggression, or any of the alpha traits that make other alphas think they’re better than everyone. instead he believes its an alpha’s purpose to treat his omega or omegas like royalty, to make sure they have everything they need, everything they want, so they live a life of flamboyant luxury and comfort. he’s extremely affectionate, whether he is in rut or not. he loves to scent his omegas and have he scent them in return, he doesn't care that typical alphas wouldn't want to walk around smelling like an omega. in his mind, there is nothing better smelling in the world than the perfume like scents of his wives, so of course he would like to smell of them too. he just loves love and loves to show it, from big warm hugs to lingering temple kisses, to long, languid early morning sex sessions.

MITSURI — omega. it had always been a touchy subject for her— due to her immense strength, her hearty appetite, even her career as a demon slaying hashira. she had always thought no one would want her, a fierce omega. but that was only the self-doubt that had clouded her mind since she had first presented. in truth she was the perfect omega, loyal, brave, strong. there was no one in the world that an alpha could better trust with their pups, no mother that would fight harder to protect their nest.

IGURO — alpha. there is nothing more important to him than protecting his omega. that is the true purpose of an alpha after all. it is his job to keep his omega safe, and any pups they might have together. so it is not unusual to find him keeping steadfast guard over any omega who might call upon him for help, such as giyuu or gyomei, for they know there is no better alpha in the world, one who could easily resist the pull of pheromones and instead stand guard at the outside of their door, sword in hand and scowl on face, ready to cut down any who might pose harm to his ward.

SANEMI — alpha. he's needy, ravenous, hungry for attention, for love. he craves the feeling of fingernails scratching down his back, the sharp sting of teeth sinking into skin, the bruise of lips on his from the kisses he can't get enough of. his omega won't be able to leave his side for the duration of their heat. they eat together, bathe together, sleep together. the happiest times of his life are spent with his omega.

SHINOBU — she was a born and bred alpha, but just like tengen, she didn't believe in toxic relationships between alpha and omega. she treats her omega like gold, languishing them in gifts, showering them with affection and love, kisses, hugs, etc. she loves to hold her omega's hand, loves to cuddle them close and take in their scent, loving nothing more than the calm, languid sex sessions between alpha and omega once their heat dies down.

RENGOKU — alpha. by nature he is a carer, compassionate, kind, generous. he forms quick relationships with anyone, everyone, and with those he loves rengoku is a steadfast guardian, and diehard companion. with his omega he is just he same. they shall never want for anything, nesting materials, food, love, whatever the omega needs, rengoku is more than happy to provide. he is polite, a true gentleman, always asking for permission to enter his omega's nest, always bringing home surprise treats, special items his omega might enjoy— candies and sweets, a handmade pinwheel, a brand new plush futon, a pair of artisan sandals. he never overlooks an opportunity for kindness and affection, as quick to give a word of affirmation as a gift, so that his omega always knows his love for them, always knows how important they are to him, that he can't live without them, that he doesn't want to live without them.

GIYUU — omega. anyone who knew giyu could tell when his heat was approaching. it was a night and day difference, between the standoffish, icy demeanor he usually enveloped himself in like a shield, to a soft, affectionate omega that craved company and attention.

GYOMEI — unpopular opinion but omega. gyomei is a softie, everyone who has ever met him knows that. he loves to nurture and be nurtured, to love and be loved in return. it's unusual, for someone who looks like him, to be an omega after all, but there is nothing shameful about it and gyomei has been upfront about that from the start. he loves to nest, to create a safe space that smells of him and him alone, or him and whatever alpha he has chosen to spend his heats with. it isn't unusual to find him at the uzui household, five bodies curled together in a nest of blankets and haori's that smells of sweet fruit and bright perfume.

[pia-nor481]

I can do it better

Max verstappen x reader smut 18+

3.6k words

She was sat on their-her bedroom floor trying to recollect herself when a loud knock to the front door broke her out of the state she was in. Her eyes were red and cheeks painted with tears. Hoping that the knocking would stop she continued to stare at herself in the full length mirror opposite her hunched over body. Evidently, it didn't stop, she practically shouted the person behind the door to wait a minute. In the mean time, she stumbled up, pulling a shirt over her body and rushing to the bathroom, in hope of cold water freshening her face up; Although it was hard to look presentable at this given time. She could barely stay up her two feet while walking towards the front door. She didn't know where her things were, phone definitely blowing up with her friends asking how her night went, even if they got a hold of her, she wouldn't answer, they'd had enough of her complaints of her love life.

Once she reached the door handle, she opened it a crack, trying to avoid her body being seen. "Sorry to just turn up but my flight leaves tomorrow and you weren't answering, and need some of my stuff before I go." Max was a pretty observant person, he had to be; so nothing slipped past him. "You open the door like this for all the men who knock?" He joked lightly, knowing she often took what he said in jest. He looked back up to her face when there was no further comment. "No, what's up? I can tell something is wrong." He said letting himself into her flat, placing his keys and phone on the counter next to hers, he saw the ample amount of WhatsApp notifications. "Come on, you can tell me what happened." It was so obvious that max still cared for her. Their relationship was always messy. They fought constantly, it started as little things; the floors not being cleaned properly or a few things left in awkward or annoying places. Both of their friends said it was good that they were fighting about things like that, claiming it was healthy to have small bits of conflict that could be quickly resolved. But it soon became a big problem when carer got involved, he was always traveling whether it be for the actual race, England to help with development of the car, or visiting his home to see his parents or even Monaco to be with his friends, but her job required her to be in one place. They tried hard to make it work, she book flights to come and see some of his races or he would stay until Wednesday night of the race week just to spend time with her, but it just wasn't enough.

There had been a few times were Max had heard her on the phone with her friends trying to convince her to break up with him, but every time she would shut them own. "He's toxic, leave him before it gets worse. There can't be anything that makes it worth the stress and disappointment." She would shake her head before remembering that they couldn't see her that's one thing Max really enjoyed, her tendency to show rather than speak. "If he's toxic, I'll wear a hazmat. You don't get it, I love him." Hearing her say things like that always made him smile. He loved her just as much, if not more. Every time he'd come back he would spend all his time awake comforting her, making her feel secure. She wasn't overly talkative when being asked questions, preferring to just shake her head or even pretend she didn't hear it; but not with max. He tried to make sure she would communicate with him, even when they fought, he'd let her scream and shout at him, he wanted to hear everything she had to say, so he knew how she felt, so he could help, He didn't get the luxury of expression when he was younger and that caused many problems. He learnt from this, he learned how to be better, he learned how to love. Max loved, no, loves her so much; it was hard for him to put it into words sometimes, she knew this, and was okay with him showing his love physically. That may have been a part of the problem, they were never close enough for him to show her how much he loved her. Although he is not the only one to blame, she was stubborn, overly so. She hated being wrong and so did he. So Max tried his hardest to not condescend her when she was wrong, but that wasn't often.

"Come on." He had to bite back the pet names he gave her in the years they spent together. "You can tell me what happened." She also hated voicing her concerns with him. She never worried about cheating, Max would never. It was like she felt neglected, but she couldn't say that, it was selfish, she was the one who said they could make the distance work. As max looked around the room he noticed how empty it was. With all of his things gone it didn't feel like home to her anymore. His house in Monaco didn't feel like home either, not without her. She looked up from her feet to meet his eyes. "It's embarrassing." His shoulders dropped, she was stupid sometimes, she didn't realised how silly that sounded to him. "And I've known you for how long?" He paused walking back towards her, resisting the urge to hold her close, to pull her into his chest and cradle her head. "At least it wasn't someone else's fault." he said slightly relieved, her eyes were still a cause for concern, even now he was prepared to fix any problem she had. The silence was loud, his anger pooled at his fists. "Right?" His eyes scanned over her whole body, making sure she wasn't hurt. "Its stupid, and I'm fine by the way. Can't you just grab your stuff and go?" she asked, almost pleading for him to leave. He was not going to leave her alone, not when she was like this.

Max went against his better judgement and hugged her, she needed it, no matter how many times she wanted to be left completely alone. "Tell me. You always feel better when you say what you're thinking, not just shouting at the mirror." She was almost reduced to tears, not only because of his words, but because she was so embarrassed. "Promise you wont laugh." She whispered through teary eyes. "Promise." He pulled his chest away, so he could look her in the eyes as she spoke. He wanted her to feel listened to, cared for. "So my friends set me up with his guy called Matthew, right." Any remaining anger turned into jealousy. He was fuming that his girl was going on a date with some guy. He pushed his feelings aside briefly, wanting to hear the rest of her story. "Well, we went out to this pretty nice place and it was going well, at least I thought so. Anyway, we came back here and he started kiss me, and you feel me up and stuff." She really didn't want to give her ex-boyfriend the details of her hook up. She paused still embarrassed. "Was he blonde and foreign as well?" Her face became warm as he let out a chuckle, this actually comforted him a bit, to see her go out with guys that reminded her of him. "Glad to see you have a type." She gave him a pointed look as an initial response. "Sorry, go on." Shifting her feet to avoid the shame. Max gave her sweet look, enticing her to speak. "When we, um, went to bed it was, uh, fine to start with but you know, he couldn't make me cum, it didn't seem like he was even trying." Her voice was shaky, her nerves were sky high, but she continued because, for once, Max was right. "So I may or may not have sent him out of the flat." She says with as sigh, looking up at her and grasping his arm for a bit of support ,not physical, but emotional, he was comforting to touch. "I am so glad I was your boyfriend and knew how to actually please you or I don't think we would have lasted as long as we did." He spoke with a crooked smile, ready of a light slap to his chest. "It's not funny Max." defeated, her shoulders slumped slightly as she tried to pull out of his tight grasp. "It is a little bit, oh no, please don't give me that look. I'm sorry I swear."

"So let me get this straight, you wanted to hook up with this guy, Matthew, and he was being a selfish prick, and now you are all desperate and pent up. That I can defiantly work with." Confusion covered her face as Max picked her up by her waist and began walking them towards the bedroom. She hooked her legs around his hips during his venture. She would often scold him for doing things without warning or saying things that he shouldn't. She began to kiss his neck, wanting his attention back on her. She knew it wasn't a good idea, but she would worry about the consequences later. One of his hands slid down her back, giving her ass a nice squeeze, he knew she liked it, not that she'd say so, he had to figure that out for himself.

Once his knees touched the edge of the bed, he placed her on it, immediately pushing her shirt up, "No underwear as well, you really do treat the guys at your door well." He let out with a smirk, before pushing her thighs apart further so he could slot between them. The ghost of his breath had her shuddering, she moaned when his lips finally touched her cunt, tongue licking a long stripe over her slit. Max looked up, not even being able to see her face as her head was thrown back at the slightest amount of pleasure. She really needed to feel him. He began to suck on her clit lightly, not wanting to rush into it and run the risk of ruining her orgasm, it hurt him to make her wait any longer, knowing she had spent so much time dissatisfied. Max shook his head side to side sending waves of bliss through her whole body.

Max got good at eating pussy from practicing on her. There were times where he spent more time between her legs than not. Her moans got louder as max put more pressure on her clit, heightening the sensation. "Could he not do this to you? No? That's what I thought." He breathed against her cunt, making her hips shift towards him. Max pulled her knees over his shoulders as he went back in, the noises that filled the room were quickly becoming pornographic. He could feel her twitching and clenching as he ate her out, Max moaned at the feeling, knowing it would tip her over the edge. "Yes, Max. Please, it feels so good." She barely got out, lungs burning. As she began gasping for air, Max could feel her ankles cross behind his back, squishing his head between her thighs. She came hard, harder than she'd done since the last time they were together. No matter who she slept with, no matter how many times she made herself cum it was never the same. "Did that feel good? Was that better than Matthew? Yeah, I know it is."

She pushed Max back slightly so she could slip off the bed and on to her knees. She undid his belt as quick as her shaky hands would allow her.  She squeezed him lightly and ran her hand over his cock a few times before actually pulling it out, she licked a long stripe along the underside, right along the thick vein of his length. Max let out a breathy groan as she took his entire cock in her mouth, reaching down her throat. His hands quickly found her hair and made pace in tangling them. He guided her up and down his cock watching from above with a pleased look on his face. She pulled off with a loud pop, then she tongued the space between the head and shaft, he let out a guttural moan at the feeling, urging  her to take him back in her mouth, it felt phenomenal. Once she hollowed her cheeks again it all became too much for max, she made him cum so hard he started to feel almost lightheaded, seeing stars, hunching over at the feeling. "Fuck, you feel so go baby. Always making me feel so good." He praised, not one lie leaving his lips, although he got to cum every time he had sex, it didn't feel as euphoric as it did with her. 

"Get up here." he said, pulling her up to her tip toes for a kiss. He slipped his tongue practically down her throat, tasting himself in her mouth. Max never understood how other guys could possibly complain about their girlfriend wanting a kiss after blowing him. If she had no problem kissing him after eating her out, what was the difference? The mix was divine, it sent blood rushing to his cock almost immediately as their lips touched. He let his hands run wild over her body, missing the warm of her skin against his. He missed being able to touch every divot of her body. He missed the control he had over her, and the trust she had in him. He was almost as pent up as she was. Max made a point of picking her up again, just to throw her back down on the bed. He noticed the framed painting was put back up above the bed. When they were together, it was almost exclusively on the floor as they got lazy hunting for it behind the headboard, He was disappointed that it was placed back to its home. Max caged her head between her arms as he kissed his way down her abdomen before he gave her cunt one final kiss. He slid his cock over her clit just to tease, he got the same reaction buy only pushing the head in and out a few times before slowly slipping his whole cock in inch by inch. She was swimming in pleasure with max slowly marking her, her neck covered in bites, a few bleeding slightly, her chest was covered in red marks, he needed to mark her as his again, no one was allowed to touch what was his. Not anymore. "Fuck." Max strained, sounding breathless and choked as he continued to pound into her, just how she always liked. He was too hot not to moan over, so she did, and he indulged her, usually he'd have to cover her mouth with his hand or push her face into the pillows to avoid noise complaints, but tonight he'd let her do anything, all he wanted was her back in his arms. He continued to abuse her walls while she gripped the bedsheets tightly, her knuckles becoming white with the new found strength. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head while the remainder of her make up began to smudge and run. Max was fucking her so well her face was painted with tears of joy, and it was just so hot. Max became impossibly harder seeing her fucked out face. He stared to fuck her deeper, hitting that spot that made her go blind with pleasure. "Oh yes Max, always make me feel so good." Her inability to articulate proper sentences was a tell tale sign she was close. Max learned how to read her like a book and it was so beneficial in times like this. 

He quickened his pace, feeling quite close himself. He could she some of this hook up guy's stuff still in her room and it just fuelled the fire. "Matthew didn't make you feel nearly this good did he, sweetheart. You can be honest because I already know." He was interrupted by a thud against the floor. "That's it, good fucking girl for me." he praised her, knowing she would melt from his words, his voice was something she admitted masturbating to when he was gone. She claimed it was mostly because of his accent, but also the tone and the pitch, it just got her so hot and bothered. "Think you can hold on just a little longer?" He asked, feeling her clench around his cock, it made it hard for him to resist. "Only for you, Max." she moaned aware it would edge him on further, fucking her felt exclusive, she was a rare and only he could have her. Perhaps he was a bit possessive, but that didn't matter now that he was with her. One of his hands slid up to her throat, pressing lightly on the sides to only slow the blood flow to her head; his other made way to her clit, rubbing fast circles with just enough pressure to really make it feel good. "Please, just.. just like tha..that." She managed to slur out before her words were cut off by a whine. Her orgasm hit so hard that her head was pushing deep in the mattress and her legs began to spasm and shake. Max only now allowed him self to cum, while she was coming down. He pulled out, shooting plenty of long, thick ropes of cum all over her torso, mainly her perfect tits that her just couldn't resist. They both sighed quietly with small laugh. 

Max gave her a chaste kiss before walking leisurely to the bathroom and picking up a towel to clean her up a bit. On his way back he turned the AC on, anticipating that she would ask him to stay; if he was he want to be touching her the entire time, in order to keep her close he needed the room cold. He brushed the towel over she skin as gently as possible, although it still pulled a moan from her. "I know, but I have to, Darling." He threw the towel to the corner of the room, knowing she'd complain about it later. "Were are my clothes?" He asked quietly, looking back at her on the bed with a grin plastered to her face. "Where you left them before moving out." still in the wardrobe would have been an easier answer but she wanted him to know she didn't want him gone. She anticipated him coming back and wanting to stay, as usual she was right. He put his classic black t-shirt on before climbing in bed with her. "I'm not putting that frame back up." was the first thing she said after coming out of her orgasmic haze. He pulled her practically on top of his body and held her close, as if someone was going to take her from him. "I know." was all he said, trying to think of the right words to convey his feelings. "I never stopped loving you." Was all he could say so he coupled it with a tight squeeze. "I know." It was her turn to give a dry reply and kiss his neck sweetly. "This is great pillow talk." Max laughed out quietly and he could feel her smile against his chest. "I'm so sorry, I should have tried harder. I shouldn't have blamed you as much as I did, I'm just as responsible. And I most definitely should not have told you to leave and never come back. I regretted it immediately, you know. As soon as I heard the door shut I lost it. I don't deserve you Max, but I need you so much." His heart ached hearing her confession, feeling her tears wet his shirt slightly. "I shouldn't have walked out. I know what you're like when you get angry. As soon I closed that door I couldn't bring myself to leave. I slept outside that door, your neighbour asked what happened and I started crying to her. I kept in touch with your friends, or at least I tried to. I needed to make sure you were okay, but it doesn't seem like they like me much. So don't say you don't deserve me, you do. We will make it to the end, I promise you. I wont lose you again. I love you too much for that." She wiped her now joyful tears as she kissed his lips again. 

There was a loud repeated knock on her door, they tried to ignore it, assuming it was their neighbours complaining about the noise, they normally gave up after a few knocks. But this one persisted. "You stay here and keep warm alright, I'll se who it is." Max got out of the bed a recovered her body in blankets while walking with unnecessary pace towards the door. He swung it open aggressively. "Look I'm sorry about that but can I just get the rest of my clothes and leave, there's no need to-" The guy, who max assumed to me Matthew, stopped upon seeing Max. "Sorry man, but that's not happening. Not while I'm here. I don't think you even deserve it, especially if you can't make such a desperate woman come. Only took me three minutes . So fuck off now will you." Max said before slamming the door, feeling relieved as he reached her again. "I love you so much Max."

[makeitworse]

illicit affairs

˖ ࣪✦ sangwoo × f reader | nsfw, mdni!

sangwoo’s weaved in and out of your life, blurring the line between a carer and a lover. old feelings of spite and shame resurface on your last night together.

c/w: age gap (sangwoo late 40s, reader ~20s), daddy issues/kink, freudian as HELL, angst, brat tamer sangwoo, mutually toxic, smoking, cheating, grooming if you squint?, praise, plot heavy w eventual porn a/n: idk if this needs to be tagged as dc lmk. also sorry for being on a writing hiatus i got super fucking sick

sangwoo had a way of burrowing under your skin. like an itch you could never reach, unless you clawed into yourself and ripped the flesh apart just to get to him.

he always showed up just when seeing him was the absolute last thing you needed. and that was especially true for now, more than ever.

but when your phone lit up on the bedside table with an unknown number, you knew he was back for you— and you just caved. it’s all you knew how to do with him.

you flicked the bedroom lights on, darting around to gather your belongings.

“what’re you doing?” a sleepy voice drawls.

you don’t look up at him, focused on putting whatever it is you’re holding into your bag. you weren’t paying attention to that. your mind was scrambling for an excuse. a lie.

“i’m going out.” you say flatly.

“at this time?” his voice perks up now, checking his phone.

he’s so worried. so caring. and you’re going to have to crush that beneath the heel of your foot.

you don’t even know what to tell him. you just say the first thing that feels natural: “my father’s in the city.”

he sits up from the bed in a shock. rightfully so.

“your father?? since when are you in touch with him?”

it was actually a well-known fact that the presence of a father was a gaping wound in your life. you’d never known the man. but, even a lie like this was easier to explain than the truth of who you were actually seeing.

“i’ll explain later, alright? i really need to leave—”

your voice was laced with annoyance. you couldn’t think of an elaborate enough fable right now for any questions, and sangwoo was waiting.

but he crawls across the bed to catch your hand in his before you can shoot out of the door.

you meet his eyes and swallow thickly. those sweet eyes. so caring and kind. you’re going to ruin him.

you cup his cheek in your hand, tenderly swiping your thumb across the skin. he needily leans into your touch.

“i’ll be back in the morning, and we can talk all about it. okay?”

he nods. your heart pangs when you notice his glossy eyes. a better girl would’ve crawled into the bed with him and thrown your phone out of the window. but that’s not the girl sangwoo called tonight.

the air’s bitter as you walk the streets. barely anyone’s out late at this time of year, with how harsh the cold is. no one to see you two together. just how he liked.

sangwoo hated getting stares. you used to take it personally, the fact he didn’t want to be seen with you in such a way. what’s so wrong with people suspecting the worst? it was the truth after all.

that was a while ago though, back when you were spiteful about why he wouldn’t just settle down with you. how he was always disappearing but then couldn’t leave you be.

you didn’t blink at those things now— it’d been nearing a year since you last actually heard from him. you were just starting to come to terms with the fact he was gone for good this time.

you finally dabbled in other men (ones closer to your age). you’d been shown shades in comparison to the colours you already saw with sangwoo. you were chasing the fervour of your memories with him— and one boy had finally promised you something sangwoo never would’ve dared. eternal commitment. a ring on your finger.

..and you told him you’d think about it.

well, you were just laying in his bed without any plans of leaving. you were on the cusp of a new life without the overarching shadow of your estranged lover.

but then, of course, he called.

speak of the devil: you spot sangwoo standing at a corner store under dingy, neon lights. he’s tidied up like always, wearing a loose grey suit over a white collared shirt— no tie.

sangwoo calls your name softly when he sees you approach, his voice almost a sigh. like in relief.

“you look well.”

“you don’t.”

he just nods, eyes scanning over your body. you could never really phase him. if anything, he’s more surprised you’re this composed after all this time of no contact.

you cock an eyebrow when he meets your gaze again, as if he wasn’t just checking you out.

”what? forget what’s underneath?”

another sigh. this one’s in annoyance. “let’s go.”

he shifts to begin walking, but you don’t budge. you watch him click his teeth then glance around— coast clear— before he leads you by the hand.

you almost forgot how much you hated being treated like some dirty secret.

you snatch your arm back, but you keep walking with him. he almost pauses in his tracks to make sure you’re still following.

“how have you been?”

his politeness offended you. how he can act like he cares after dropping off the face of the earth.

you roll your eyes. where to start?

you toss over the idea of dropping the bombshell that was the boy whose bed you just came from, but you scrap it. probably shouldn’t piss him off this early into your long-awaited night together.

“i think you owe me your answer to that first.”

you watch as he runs a hand through his hair with a sigh, and pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. it dawned on you just how much you missed looking at him. that sexy, punchable face.

you’re going to need a cigarette.

“it will bore you,” he starts. he’s chosen his words carefully. “all work.”

“and what, no play?” you sneer. half of you wants to know if he’d been getting busy with anyone else.

you rummage through your bag and stick a cigarette between your lips. this catches his eye. as you reach back in and pull out your lighter, you both stop on the pavement as he grabs your forearm.

“you smoke now?”

he’s shocked. as if he has a right to be concerned for your health. it boils your blood.

you just scoff. “i can do that. i’m old enough, in case you’ve forgotten.”

sangwoo’s jaw hardens. it always ticked him off when you brought attention to your age.

his eyes soften as he composes himself again. “you should be taking care of yourself.”

you swat his hand away from you, bringing the lighter to the tip of the cigarette. he exhales gruffly in disapproval, but you roll your eyes.

“what do you care?” you flick the lighter on. “not like you’re around to see.”

“i shouldn’t have to be.” he asserts.

ugh. was he trying to fuck you, or raise you?

sangwoo’s still watching you as you take a slow drag. you humour him and hold his stare. in the pools of his irises, you spot a tinge of regret.

does he feel responsible for you? so he should.

you make a show of pinching the cigarette, puckering your lips around it. his eyes are trained on your mouth.

in return, you blow the smoke into his face.

sangwoo snatches your wrist with a hard grip, and you verbally wince in pain. he sternly states your name— as if you’re a kid in trouble.

“i’m serious. are you hearing me?”

“oh my goddd. okay, dad.”

his whole boy tensed. that was a low blow.

sangwoo knew all about your situation. in fact, he was the closest semblance to a father in your youth.

it’s what made the whole bloody affair all the more wrong. you never gave what you had with him a name— if neither of you said it out loud, then maybe the gross reality of it didn’t exist. so that was the last thing you should be calling him.

you were addicted to acting on bad ideas concerning sangwoo, though.

”don’t call me that.” he grits.

“you may as well be.”

his eyes widen at that, and you feel your blood buzzing. the levies had broke— your confusion and resentment from the past year was finally flooding back to you.

you remember how angry you’d been that he was actually gone this time. how he wasn’t around to take care of you; to lecture you or to guide you like he always did. you’ve been so lost. and so fucking angry.

you tch, “you leave enough to be him—”

you gasp as his free hand snatches your jaw, fingers caving into your cheeks. the cigarette falls onto the concrete, and sangwoo swiftly crushes it under his shoe sole. your heart was drumming against your chest.

“is this how you’re going to be?”

sangwoo’s nails dig in a little. you whine under his harsh grip, and you catch an almost imperceptible twitch of his lip.

“huh? will you start to behave?”

you scowl. but he won’t let up. you’d struck a nerve he’d intentionally hidden away.

you gulp with a nod. he lets go, and the crescent moons he’d left on your skin were stinging.

sangwoo straightens his blazer with a deep exhale. he watches your fingers graze over his nails’ indents, and he scowls to himself.

“i’m sorry.” he utters. “i should have kept my composure.”

tears prickled the corner of your vision. he’s sorry? only now he’s sorry? what about the last year? what about when he fucking left you in the dust?

“where were you, sangwoo?”

against your will, your voice is trembling. he notices, and he huffs, frustrated with himself. he doesn’t want to make you cry.

“don’t you know how long it’s been?”

“i know.”

“then why?” you exclaim. you’d been waiting to scream that word at him after it’d been playing on loop in your head for a year. “why would you come back now??”

you can tell there’s a glimmer of something in his eyes he’s not saying. something he could tell you to explain it all. but for whatever reason, he isn’t. it pisses you the fuck off.

but you just keel over with a sob. sangwoo rushes to close the gap between your bodies as he envelopes you in his arms. he has a gentle hand cradling your head, and you bury your face into his blazer— staining it with tears.

you shudder as you cry, and he just holds you. like he hasn’t been able to in his absence. like you’ve wanted him to.

you really did miss him.

“you always do this,” you choke out. sangwoo responds by placing a tender kiss to your temple. “i’m tired.”

tired of missing you. tired of waiting on you. tired of trying to move on. tired of failing to.

“i know.”

there’s a silence as he leaves a patch of kisses on your hair. his thumb softly caressed the skin of your cheek.

you tilted your head to meet his gaze. you saw his adam’s apple bounce as he swallowed, taking in the tears spilling over your cheeks.

in the bitter cold, your shared breaths mixed into fog. you became aware of how the warmth of his body pressed into yours.

you couldn’t take it anymore.

you crash your lips onto sangwoo’s. he jolts at the sudden movement, sending his glasses careening down his nose.

he doesn’t kiss you back. after a beat, you pull away and frown. you open your mouth to berate him— but he silences you with his lips on yours.

you still fit together perfectly. your hands landed on his neck, his on the small of your back. you were both as eager as each other, and he wasted no time sliding his tongue into your mouth.

suddenly you were burning up. you grabbed hold of his jacket lapel, pulling him in even further, and he responded by kissing you with such force your head craned back. that elicited a mewl from you. sangwoo sighed, and you swore you felt the slightest buck of his hips before he restrained himself.

it was all so natural. and so very wrong.

you pull your mouth from his with a pant. there was a line of saliva connecting your lips from just how sloppy the kisses were.

you wipe your mouth. “i have to tell you something.”

he’s eyeing you curiously as you continue, a tinge of worry on his face.

“i’ve been seeing this boy,”

you pause. sangwoo’s expression is unflinching. he doesn’t seem surprised— like he’s already come to this conclusion on his own and you’ve just confirmed it.

full disclosure, you hadn’t exactly committed to the other guy. he was madly in love, obsessed like how you wished sangwoo was. but sangwoo had marked you early: now you couldn’t settle for any love that wasn’t his.

but you were alone for a year. and this guy was here, and he wanted you and he would stay.

you swallow thickly. you don’t want to say it. but you do.

“he proposed to me yesterday.”

his gaze flicks to the ground as he forces out a nod. he pushes his glasses up his nose in thought.

he raises his head as he asks bluntly, “what did you say?”

your mind imagines how he’s back home in his bed, waiting on you to walk through the door. your stomach lurched.

“that i had to think about it.”

he exhales gruffly. you feel your face twist in annoyance. was he.. disappointed?

“what should i have said, huh? if i said yes, i wouldn’t be here.”

“that would have been for your own good.”

in a second of shocked silence, a fire cracks alive inside of you.

you fist his shirt collar, snatching his face towards your level.

“then what the fuck am i doing? what have we been doing,” you frown, your voice suddenly dropping to a whisper. “—all these years?”

he says your name as a warning.

“no. if you want me gone, then why the fuck did you call me?”

“i didn’t say i want that—”

“then why won’t you just stay—?”

“you’re young!”

you jump at the raise of his voice. he steadies himself with an exhale.

he brings a reassuring hand to your one on his lapel, intertwining his fingers with yours. you could cry on the spot.

he repeats your name softly. “you haven’t lived enough. you need to see the world, explore the possibilities— not settle for the first man you know.”

if you’d sat in a barrel a little longer, then maybe you’d be aged enough for him. but you were ripe. far too sour. it repulsed him to crave your taste when it hadn’t even fully matured.

“do you not want me anymore?”

your voice is so hushed, the words barely exist. you’d been wondering why he fully disappeared this time, if maybe he found someone else in america.

“i do want you.” his hand comes to cup your chin. he chuckles, “but i’m old, and i shouldn’t.”

you had been so full of youth, and he selfishly siphoned it. sangwoo started distancing himself in the first place so you’d let go of him— but you never did.

it’d been years of back and forth, push and pull. with you and with the dilemma in himself.

truthfully, he didn’t want to see you with another man. sangwoo loved you more than anything— the only exception being his shame.

“then why..”

he smothers you in a kiss because he knows what you’re going to say.

if it’s so wrong, then why did he take you in that night this all began?

you’d known sangwoo since you were little: your mothers worked late nights together at the store, so he was often looking after you when he had the time to spare between his already busy work schedule.

you didn’t have a man of the house after all, and sangwoo was a smart, caring substitute. he was your first crush before you even knew what the word meant.

last you heard he was off to the united states for business. until you ran into him in some shitty family mart.

sangwoo found you as a mess. your face was puffed, your eyes were bloodshot, mascara streaks down to your chin. it took him a moment to recognise you, and he was very taken aback once he did— obviously since you had grown alot, but because of the state you were in.

there’d been some conflict in your friend group, a boy played with your feelings, something or rather. those details have long since been forgotten to you now. you were heartbroken and alone and his heart just panged at the sight of you so distraught.

he couldn’t let you walk home alone like this.

he’s taken care of you since you were young. he tells himself it means nothing, that it’s not wrong.

but then back at his place, you’re cracking open bottle after bottle. you’re swaying in your seat and handsy with him and he’s intoxicated enough not to resist.

shit’s been so intense with acquisitions and stocks and all, and looking at your pretty face right now makes him forget all about it. he had a fondness for you as a girl, and that still holds now you’re a woman.

he’s not doing anything, but he’s not telling you to stop either. he must be drunker than you. no harm done then, right?

but then the floodgates opened. you’re sobbing, asking him what’s wrong with you. you practically beg for a sign that you’re worthy of someone wanting you. so he shows you, with a chaste kiss to the lips.

that’s all it was meant to be. you’re of age, so it’s not wrong— technically. you’re beautiful and he tells you that. of course men would want you.

but then you kiss him again. and again. and one thing leads to another.

that morning hangover slammed him twice as hard with the burden of what he’d done to you. you trusted him. your mother trusted him. and like some slimy old pervert, he took you back to his house and—

the thought had him retching.

he didn’t think himself a man who’d do such a thing. it was meant to be a moment of weakness, and there was a silent agreement that neither of you would speak it into existence.

but he never expected it to come this far.

this— being how sangwoo’s lips were parting yours with a bruising force. his tongue delved into your mouth with fervour: a hot contrast to the chill air nipping at your face.

you jumped when he squeezed at your ass, simultaneously pressing your body further into his. all restraint was gone. under that neat get-up of his, there was a starved man. and his hands were grabbing at every bump of your body.

he finally settled with both hands cupping your tits through your clothing. he broke the kiss to flick his gaze to your chest, muttering a curse before he latched his open mouth on your neck.

you jolted at the sudden heat, shivering in sangwoo’s grasp as he suckled at your skin—sensitive from the goosebumps caused by the cold.

your head was spinning. sangwoo was fucking starving, almost panting as he left a trail of wet kisses along your clavicle. your own shaky breaths fogged in the air. you steadied yourself with a hand buried into his hair.

he pressed his thumb down on the fabric and swiped over your nipple. you whine, and his groan in response is like a spotlight on the bulge digging into you.

as horny as you are— you chuckle. sangwoo looks dismayed.

“oh, nothing. i’m just surprised you can still get it up,”

he snatches your hand and wedges it down between your bodies, squeezing your palm over his erection through his pants. you gasp.

“are you done?” his tone is almost mocking. he’s out of patience now that he’s this hard.

in defiance, you rub your hand over him. he hisses before stopping you by the wrist. even through the slacks, you had felt his dick pulse at your touch.

“enough.”

he’s serious now, so you surrender.

but not before you gaze up at him through half-lidded eyes, batting your lashes as you softly take the skin of your lip between your teeth. sangwoo watched with bated breath.

he practically growls as he shoves your mouths back together.

the flickering of the streetlight overhead was a reminder of your whereabouts. as sangwoo pulls away, he darts his head around to check for an audience. none, fortunately for him.

you cross your arms. he adjusts his glasses and fixes up his blazer, yet leaves his hair a ruffled mop. it makes you snort.

you catch his lip curl into a smile, before he sighs.

“let’s keep walking. it’s not far from here.”

ah yes, his hotel room.

he always booked top dollar. over the years as he’d return home to visit, you’d stay the week at his suite imagining yourself as a spoiled stay-at-home wife.

you told him about these daydreams, and much to his amusement. sangwoo found it endearing— he even adorned you with jewellery to humour the idea.

sangwoo gently takes you by the hand. he brushes a strand of hair behind your ear, letting the featherlight touch of his fingers linger on your cheek.

you can’t help yourself to press a quick peck to his lips. and as you pull away, there’s a small smile on his face.

there’s a certain energy hanging in the air as you both walked the pavement, all the way to door of his suite. neither of you fill the silence.

tonight might be the end of your life tangled with sangwoo— or the beginning of a new one. you didn’t know which. maybe he didn’t either.

he’s gentle as he leads you by the hand to sit at the edge of the bed. he shrugs off his blazer. impatient, you hook a finger around his belt loop and pull him to stand between your legs.

your hands glide over the expanse of his thighs, and he cups your face in kind.

“you’re so gorgeous,” he mutters. “i don’t tell you that nearly enough.”

you weren’t bitter anymore. you just wanted him to stay this time. but in the back of your mind, you know he’s only laid himself bare tonight because he isn’t coming back.

you can’t linger on that though. not when he’s here, in front of you now, holding you like you’re the most precious girl in the world.

”can you show me?”

without further question, his hands are on both sides of your neck as his lips come crashing down to yours. it’s almost feral, the way he pushes you down against the sheets, hiking a knee to part your legs. he fills that gap with his own pelvis on yours.

clothes weren’t even off yet— still you were both panting from the rush of the kisses. his tongue explored your mouth like he was tasting every last bit of you. his eagerness had you buzzing.

it didn’t take much longer for him to practically rip off your bottoms, wasting no time slipping a hand under your panties. he cursed against your lips when he felt how slick you were already.

you crumpled his button-up in a fist, trembling as he glided his fingers over your cunt.

you weren’t the type to beg, but you were too impatient. sangwoo always takes his time to savour it or whatever. but you’ve had a years worth without being fucked like how he does it.

“sangwoo,” you drawl in a breathy moan. his lips part with a pant at that. “please, just—”

you yelp when he spreads you open with two of his thick fingers. sangwoo latches his mouth to your nape. you hear his heavy breathing at your ear as he repeats curling his fingers inside of you, whimpers spilling shamelessly from your mouth.

“i want you, please,”

your dignity was gone. you could feel how bad he wants it too, with how his boner was rutting into your thigh, how he was sucking hickeys onto your neck to conceal his own grunts.

you take matters into your own hands, quite literally reaching down to fumble for his dick. his hand pulls out at that. you whine.

“patience, sweetheart.” his lips curl into a smirk. cocky ass.

“just fuck me already, you old man.”

he hisses as he pins both your wrists down in one hand. the other slides three of his fingers back into you. you cry out as he sets a ruthless pace, angled to hit your sweet spot each time.

you felt a wet spot on your bare thigh— and realise it’s his tip leaking through his pants. between your moans, you huff a laugh. he gazes at you unimpressed, still pissed from the age comment.

he only hates it so much because it gets him hot.

you felt your stomach tightening, but you force yourself to teeter on the edge of bliss. you didn’t want him to unravel you now, not before he’s in you.

“fuck— fuck me,” you stammer out, lashes fluttering as you pulsed on the fringes of orgasm.

he hums as if he needs to think about it.

“sangwoo, i’m gonna—”

“go ahead, pretty girl.”

he lifts his thumb to rub circles around your clit while his fingers keep pistoning in and out of you. your whole body jolts as you cry out, a mix of moans and cusses as you cum. he draws you out as long as he can, and you writhe against his grip on your wrists.

“i fucking hate you.” you spit.

the sound of his zipper makes your eyes widen, and he snickers.

“thought you wanted this old man?”

he lets go of your wrists, but catches you again as you raise a hand to slap him.

you hated that you wanted him all the time. and he hated himself the same. you just wish you knew how you were supposed to live without that.

his dick slaps your belly as he pulls down his boxers and pants. you gulp at just how hard he was, how his tip had a string of pre-cum connected to your stomach.

“so beautiful.” he hooked his arms under your knees to pull you closer, and you gasped as his tip prodded at you.

you whined his name again when he dragged himself over your entrance. he chuckled, swinging your legs over his shoulders.

“you’ve earned it.”

your moans overlapped each other’s as sangwoo buried himself to the hilt. he paused for a beat, dick twitching inside of you.

“haven’t you—?”

“god, no— fuck..” he snapped his hips for a quick thrust. you both shudder. “you’re the only..”

his eyes squeeze shut with a groan as you shift your own hips to slide up on him.

he wraps a hand around your neck, biting his lip as he starts really fucking you. his grip is enough to make you hazy.

your head lolled back into the mattress as he pounded you like a crazed man. like it’d be the last time he ever could.

“how can you expect— fffuck, expect me to be with anyone else?”

the pad of his thumb slides onto your tongue.

“don’t say that,” he pants.

you close your lips around him to suck, and he mutters a curse as his hips pick up the pace.

sangwoo huffs out your name needily, removing his thumb to kiss you. you moan against each other’s lips as you tremble through a second orgasm. he pulls out shortly after, shooting ropes of cum onto the bedsheets.

he was out of risks to take.

he’s careful as he lifts you into his arms and takes you both to the bath.

you missed being coddled. you missed him, being so.. fatherly.

he scrubbed your skin, he brushed your hair. he kissed your forehead as he tucked you in. he held you close as he fell asleep, and you kept your eyes peeled for as long as you could manage. you knew when you opened them in the morning, he’d be gone.

it was only a few days later that you heard about sangwoo after waking to a cold bed in the hotel.

your mother told you that he was in hot water. he was off the map while there was a warrant out for his arrest— lots of debt and fraud shit. she didn’t believe it. you couldn’t either.

that night, you laid beside your now fiancee in bed. he heard the news, but he thinks it’s just old lady gossip. he’d never guess how deep under your skin you were screaming. sangwoo wasn’t just some guy who babysat you, he was your first everything. and your fiancee could never know that.

your turned your face into the pillow to muffle your sobs as he slept.

[ghoul-butch]

i feel like a lot of people aren't ready to have a disabled partner. not even if you really really really like us, or if you think we're hot, or even if you're disabled yourself.

some of us are never going to improve, and a lot of us will get worse. you have to accept that before getting into a relationship with us because if you don't it's so easy to put us in the position of performing normalcy to not make you sad to be around us.

some of us may need you to help with the things we either have difficulty doing without injury, or cannot do at all. some of us won't remember things, or get confused easily, or have trouble hearing you. unfortunately we can't just get over our disabilities when you're having a hard day, or you're mad at us. and it would be nice if we lived in a world where all disabled people who need carers could have them to make dating (and more importantly, life) easier but very few of us have the ability to get that care.

we're also our own people, and we deserve to have boundaries, desires, and needs. a lot of able bodied people do not see us as fully realized humans with our own internal and external worlds, and you carry that into your relationships with us. this results in either you ignoring our wants out of life because we should be overjoyed we have a life with you at all, or ignoring our boundaries because we really don't know ourselves as well as someone with an outside perspective does.

and to follow the obvious segway; sex. sex can be incredibly complicated when you're disabled. either it being difficult to physically manuever without help. it can be incredibly painful if done incorrectly, or for some incredibly painful no matter what. and for a lot of us, we've faced sexual assault because our assaulters know it's hard for us to fight back, or hard for us to be believed after it happens. some of us can't have sex at all, or don't want to.

also a lot of us cost more money to survive than you do. from specific diets, to medical appointments over and over and over again, to expensive medication and replacable disability devices. hell, a good chunk of us cannot have jobs! or in a lot of places jobs will hire us and pay us a lower minimum wage because society sees us as worth less than you. and we're often under enough stress keeping out heads above water without you also expecting us to be as financially able to do things as you are. and plenty of us are kept trapped in relationships we can't leave because of our limited funds.

please, before you date us actually do even the smallest amount of studying about disability rights, disabled people's lives, and bodily autonomy in general. think of the intersections we exist at as well, disabled people can be black, gay, trans, poor, and any other marginalized group you can think of.

i can recall so many stories of disabled people abused mentally, physically, sexually and financially by people who don't think they're even doing that to us. people who really really really love us, or think we're hot, or are also disabled themselves.

for so many of us our relationships feel like ticking time bombs. we deserve better.

please be better to us.