#the caption is a joke™️ | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

meteorsage · 5 months ago

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Things my brain thinks it predicted

In 2019 I committed to a very risky decision

So there I am, 5k miles from home, explaining to someone that if she's not the queen of their block then she's probably in a cult

She says that because I pray I must be in a cult too

I don't remember everything I say, I remeber breaking every point down to explain it thoroughly. She thought it would be funny to have me autistically explain metaphors and I, for reasons that made sense at the time, said "sale y vale"

- iron crown defeats draconian; I thought this would be an astrological event. It was not

- 2 Mayan bros, like the hero story, both in comic book movies from different halves of the world; yall see those Blue Beetle and One Piece live action movies? I'm glad Iñaki got to dub himself

- a rosy idol-of-idols that rises out of a field of grass in the Midwest, and is worshipped by rosy-tinted folks of all shades. Where the Gaga implied, she *is*. She does not have "ironic" enjoyers, only "zealots" and "zero-interests". Karma is her kink, she says so in a song. [The host asked me if that was my favorite song, I said mine was about the pretty pink horses, she references a slur for gay men, I ask if me wearing a pastel star would make things easier for her]

- A movie about a baby deer, effect is people empathetic to men who go though abuse. They still interview the abuser [My host commented that this sounded like a self-pitying fantasy]

- Colbert & Carell reminiscing on the late show when Colbert turns 60 because "60" is when someone is officially Old™️ [The host asked about Carell, I said that they used to a popular skit together on The Daily Show. She insists, Colbert is from The Colbert Report. She is right, so am I]; it happened, adorable 🥹

- A streak of green fire shines in the sky and lights a crown; I thought this was about the idol from before, it wasn't 🍀☄️

- The lit crown will sparkle for a year and a half before twinkling brightly. It's glimmer to catch the eye of the whole world; NASA confirms we're gonna see a supernova out by Corona Borealis between now and Sept 2024

- trump wears a diaper and then trump fans wear em too

- The liberal candidate wins re-election, immediately regrets it [my host wanted details. I didn't know and guessed Biden, "he's old as balls and doesn't want the job, but he's also Obama-Adjacent & that's all the dems had for Clinton in 2016"]

- trump fans federally shit the bed [The host asks why the diapers didn't help. I don't know, "must've been before that" I guess]

- "idiot-kings will rise and a Plauge will grip the world for a week, a fortnight, a year, and then half a decade. Maybe more. Its life grows with humanity's arrogance, colosseum entertainment for kings running out of a crowd to impress" [I left my host a Doctor Who themed shirt, captioned "Stay in the Light" and featured an astronaut skeleton]

- Still no TES 6, Princess Zelda gets her own Zelda game, 50 flavors of overwatch

- return of "Silver Dollars" [I'm hoping for new coins]

- cruelty will become cringe, and "cruel humor" will be seen in the same light as "homophobic humor"

- 5 penny stocks go incredibly high, as a joke, and break the illusion of control the financial oligarchs have curated. It only stops being funny a while after the 5th time [My host empathizes with the oligarchs and their need to control others]

- Revolutions in equatorial countries results in more stable democracy than decades of "Stable Democracy" meddling in local politics

- Jimmy Kimmel is replaced with a holographic emoji operated by an algorithm. It improves the show

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marlena-immortale · 2 years ago

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vic captioning her posts with ‘holy mom’ is making me think thoughts™️ she definitely has some kinda mistress/mommy kink

I can definitely see Vic wanting to be called mommy. I feel like she would be someone to bring it up as a joke at first and then when you actually say it back she realizes that she actually loves it.

#all of these asks are so old im so sorry 😭#maneskin smut #maneskin x reader #victoria de angelis smut #victoria de angelis x reader #victoria de angelis #måneskin x reader #måneskin smut #maneskin #måneskin #asks #blurbs

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chaosnightmare · 3 years ago

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The Stanley Parable iceberg explained in simple short words and not a video because god....

A while ago I made this iceberg and said I would explain it in a video. I lied. Had like 5 major technical fuckups with it and then completely lost access to that hard drive so that plan flew out the window, but hey! I can try to explain it simply and quickly here. At least. It's nothing as in-depth as I think it should be, but it'll do as far as basic rundowns go.

Broom Closet - A very popular part of the game. Head through the left door and just before the stairs there will be a room marked "Broom Closet" that you can enter. Que funny dialogue.

The End Is Never - An infinitely loopable sentence that can sometimes display on the loading screen instead of "Loading Loading Loading".

Go Outside - An achievement acquired by not playing the game for 5 years. I'm never gonna get this one.

Out Of Bounds - "Ending" you can get by climbing on an employee desk, crouching, moving onto the desk right next to it, and jumping out the window. No I don't remember what number the desk is but it's the one with the pulled chair right beside the window in the first room outside Stanley's office.

Baby Game - In the Blue Door Ending, The Narrator has you play a game where you continuously press a button to stop a cardboard cutout of a baby from going up in flames. The Narrator says you should play it for about 4 hours, which you can actually do and get a separate Ending.

8 - Refers to a lot of things. Typically an edited voice clip of I think Davey Wreden saying "EIGHT". First showed up to my knowledge in the demo. The achievement in the full game if I recall correctly is acquired by just pushing "8888" into the keypad behind the desk repeatedly.

Random Rooms - The rooms you travel through in between important game content are randomized. Pretty sure William Pugh says it's to make the player feel like the game's more complicated or smarter than it actually is.

Input Received - An ending you get by finding computers in the office that say "awaiting input", pressing them, restarting, and doing it over and over until you end up in button heaven.

TM - If you check the game's captions, The Line™️ always has that "TM" after every reference to It™️. Weird gender.

The Beginner's Guide - Another game by Davey Wreden. Has some fanbase overlap with TSP. Very very good but doesn't have anything to do with TSP outside of a mention at the start of the game.

Demo - Game's got one. The whole thing's basically a big gag. The Narrator spends the whole demo trying to get the ACTUAL demo to start but it keeps going wrong and he keeps getting upset because without a proper demo, the player has no idea what they're getting into if they buy the game. The joke being that the demo is literally a perfect gateway into the full game.

Unused Dialogue Room - I'm always a whore for the unused dialogue. In the Museum Ending, there's a room you can visit with faint cut bits of narration for you to listen to. Technically a monologue. NOT EDITING THE PICTURE AGAIN

Raphael - An allegedly real man who allegedly really emailed the fictional character of The Narrator to tell him how bad he thought the original game was. Email was read and parodied in a trailer for the HD Remake. You should watch it it's very very funny.

Portal Assets - The game uses some. You can even spawn in companion cubes using the dev console and I think also get a portal gun.

Unachievable - An achievement in the game. You can actually get it but every time someone thinks they've figured out how the devs change how you get it. Sometimes awarded randomly.

Once You Go Secret - You Never Go Becret. A dumb phrase used throughout a few secrets in the game.

Serious Room - A room The Narrator will teleport you to if the game catches you trying to activate server cheats. The Narrator scolds you for trying to break the game. If you do it a second time you get more dialogue but after that it's not much until you restart.

3 Minutes Song - A song by Tim Minchin. There's a corner of the red screen that pops up when you turn on the mind control that has the end of a YouTube URL for this song. Joke is that the Explosion Ending lasts about 3 minutes.

Bark - Command you can enter into the console that changes all button press sounds to barking.

Bathroom Wall Writing - Sometimes the game will let you into the bathroom in the bosses office. The writing on the wall in there is randomized.

Aperture Experiment Theory - A theory that looks at the game through the lens of Portal canon and explains the game as a psychological experiment by Aperture Science.

Explosion Ending Buttons - Some buttons you can find in the Explosion Ending are references to other games.

Facepunch - Type this out at any point during the game (without pausing) and the game will swap most textures out with the Facepunch logo.

Whiteboard Ending - In one of the random rooms, you can open an employee door and enter the "Whiteboard Ending". Not an actual ending, just a room.

Clippy CCTV - On one of the CCTV monitors, Clippy makes a cameo. You can't really see it in game, but you can see it in the game files.

Monolith - For a while the very last part of the Baby Game Ending featured a strange, Kubrickeqsue black monolith. This was a glitch in the way the game displayed a door and has since been patched.

Vinh - Typing this during the credits triggers a weird easter egg that I'm pretty sure is probably an inside joke.

Alt. Escape Pod - A fan-modded alternate escape pod ending. Featuring the real Kevan Brighting!

Chell's Body - A glitch that can occur if you stand juuuust right (er. just wrong?) in a certain doorway. Allows you to see yourself in 3rd person, revealing that the playermodel is actually a glitched model of Chell.

Choice Video Changes - In the Not Stanley Ending, you'll encounter a video presentation about choice. You're introduced to a hypothetical real person named "Steven", and told he could either help or set fire to orphans and citizens of impoverished 3rd world nations. Originally, it featured him lighting an orphan's cigarette and then setting him on fire, but this was changed to be more subtle after a schoolteacher complained that the joke was insensitive and Davey Wreden agreed.

CCTV Room Pit - There is a large pit at the bottom of the CCTV room that you can actually jump into by climbing up on a chair. This is unintentional, so there's nothing down there.

Actual Unused Dialogue - I don't remember what this is referring to.

Second Stanley - Exiting the first part of the office fast enough will sometimes let you see a second Stanley walking his own path through a window. Some people theorize that this is actually another employee.

432 - Said other employee. Has a lot of very mysterious references to them throughout easter eggs and whatnot. Thought to have escaped before Stanley.

Demonstation - A typo the team accidentally made during the making of the demo, but they thought it was so funny that it stuck.

Dallas's Mask - An easter egg you can find in the Confusion Ending.

The Narrator And Stanley Are The Same Person - A theory about the game basically stating that The Narrator only exists as a part of Stanley's imagination, and is therefore Stanley himself.

Dr. Langeskov - A very similar (although shorter) game that William had a part in making. If you play both this and The Beginner's Guide, it'll give you a little insight into what parts of TSP were Davey's writing, and what parts were William's.

Hidden Dev Text - There's hidden dev comments and jokes in the game files. Particularly, there's a cup texture that features a full unseen rant from one of the texture artists.

1947 - Code to the keypad in the original version of the game. Putting it into the keypad in the HD version will trigger the old dialogue to play.

Purgatory Theory - Theory that Stanley is trapped in purgatory after having died.

The Narrator Hums In The Elevator - In the bosses office, there's a room that will sometimes open that features an elevator you can really walk into, though it doesn't go anywhere. If you stay here long enough, you can hear The Narrator hum along to the music and comment that he's getting bored.

Narrator Letter - A letter from The Narrator in the Collectors Edition guide book. Features his signature! I really recommend finding the book online and giving it a quick read it's great. Everything about this game is lovely.

Canceled Mobile Game - The Stanley Parable had a mobile game in the works that got canned because Davey Wreden didn't sense any passion or love for the project from the team working on it.

DOTA 2 - There's a Narrator announcer pack for this game. You can find the full pack on YouTube and it's very charming and funny.

Broken Short Start - A glitch that can occur at any time but is known to occur on fresh installs of the game. Activated by getting the shortest randomized office, (the one that's just a hallway) standing in the doorway just before the two doors room and just kind of moving wrong. It'll lock you inside the office until you restart. As you could maybe tell, the game doesn't load doorways very gracefully.

Octodad - If you look up at the ceiling during that part of the demo where everything's going to hell in a handbasket, you can see Octodad. I don't know why!

Maladaptive Daydream Theory - Maladaptive Daydreaming is a psychological condition wherein the sufferer daydreams so often and for such incredible periods of time that it becomes detrimental to their daily life. This can escalate to the point that the person starts to have trouble distinguishing memories of daydreams with memories of things that happened in reality. This is explored a little bit in the game, where in one ending, the game is revealed to be an elaborate daydream Stanley is having that is bleeding into his home and work life so much that it's ruining him.

Narrator Loudspeaker - All Narrator dialogue is actually coming from a loudspeaker aways just out of bounds in each map. This likely has nothing to do with game canon and is just the easy way to get dialogue to play with the engine the devs used.

Collectors Edition - A limited edition physical copy of the game distributed by Indiebox. Came with a lot of limited merch.

Soundtrack Titles - Refering to the idea that all of the titles for the game's soundtrack are from The Narrator's perspective.

Franz - A guy who existed? Who maybe died? It's very weird. You can find more info about it on the TSP Wiki.

Demo Surveys - Though hard to see, there are papers lying about in the demo waiting room that feature surveys filled out by Davey and William.

Workplace Harassment In Menu Audio - There's audio of a busy office workplace constantly playing on the main menu. A few people noticed that you can hear a guy being scolded by his boss in the background and some people say it sounds like he's being let off the hook for workplace harassment. There was an Oddheader video that featured this discovery and he pulled a classic YouTuber move and asked "why on earth they'd put this in the game" but I think it was probably stock audio thrown in last minute that nobody cared to check and the guy who made it just recorded his office for a while to sell for a quick buck.

Reddit AMA - Held by Davey, William, and Kevan one day. You can still find the full post. Has a lot of funny moments.

Hi Timmy! - A weird text file you can find in the game.

4 Jokes - Okay so during a talk William Pugh did on stealing ideas and masking uncleverness he told the story of a game called "4 Jokes". It's a ridiculous, hilarious, and very obviously fictional story, but I have no idea if the game it was based on actually existed. As far as I know, it didn't.

NA NA N AN ANA NA - A strange bit of unused/placeholder text for the Baby Game Ending.

Lost Mobile Content - By way of the game being canceled, we have no idea what a lot of the content looked like, but when the cancelation announcement was made on the now defunct blog for Galactic Cafe, Davey released some interesting clips of Narrator lines that would never see the light of day. Because these were never archived by the wayback machine, unless someone has them archived personally, these previews are lost to time.

ui\office_soundscape.wav - A "glitch" in the game that causes the whole game to lock up and not start if it detects a problem with the file "ui\office_soundscape.wav". This is actually caused by the game failing a Steam validity check. Though Davey claims that he has no idea how this happened, it's thought by many to be an attempt at DRM. It doesn't work very well, if that's the case, because it's known to trigger on legitimate copies of the game. It happened on my copy just by me not being on the internet for a bit too long (about a year).

And that's it! There's probably gonna be more when Ultra Deluxe comes out, but that's for another time. Thanks for reading

#the stanley parable #long post

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coconut-cluster · 4 years ago

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Hi this is the bet anon again, can i hear more about the kiss and how the other 4 reacted did they already know or was it still a very new thing? Also who won the bet? Thank you :)

roman and virgil had been together on the DL for like two weeks at that point, and virgil literally just. forgot they were streaming, because he was coming back from getting them drinks from roman’s fridge and roman was just going on with some inside joke they had and virgil’s like “wow ur such a dork. fortunately for you i am attracted to stupid” and kissed him. and for a second they’re like ☺️💕 and then virgil’s like oh that’s. that’s a camera. we streamed that. oh god

but as for the others’ reactions:

Remus screenshots it and posts it on his twitter captioned “:)” because he’s been fueling prinxiety conspiracies since day one just for fun

Logan wins the bet like he knew he would because those two are disasters

Janus also knew Logan would win but was hoping the Disasters™️ would manage to dance around each other for just a month or two more so he’d win and get 20 bucks

Patton sees twitter blow up and just turns to the others like “see I told you they were dating”

#ask #podcast au #prinxiety

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worldoftom · 5 years ago

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Trouble. [18+]

Requested by anon for Church of Holland ™️

words: 2.5k

verse: More Than This – year two

pairing: model actor Tom x fem reader

warnings: smut, incl. dom/sub themes, orgasm denial, toys

prompt: A1. You’re in trouble now.

b’s note: can be read as a one-shot.

•

October / Year 2

It was supposed to be a lazy weekend at home, Friday evening through Monday morning, but as usual Tom’s unpredictable job got in the way. He received an urgent call on Friday from his agent about an impromptu meeting for a potential new role on Saturday, something he’s been chasing for a while, so he tries his best to explain the situation to you. As usual, instead of upset that you don’t get to spend the whole weekend together, you get all excited and ecstatic about the fact that he finally has this chance.

He totally doesn’t deserve you, but he’s not going to let you go if you’re going to be so supportive no matter what.

On Saturday morning, you’re still half asleep and wrapped in his sheets when he leaves with a slight pout, but Tom turns into Actor Mode as soon as he gets in the car with his assistant. The meeting lasts the whole morning and he soon learns that they’re supposed to go out for lunch, too, so he takes the short mid-morning bathroom break to drop you a text.

Tom: A penny for a selfie??

You’re probably not going to reply right away, so he pockets his phone and goes about his business. As he’s drying his hands, though, he feels something vibrate on his thigh and grins at the thought that he gets to see you even though he’s nowhere near you.

He has a Snapchat notification, which he taps twice to open, only to find out that he wasn’t ready for this. It’s a pretty casual photo, your smiling face, your chest covered in one of his white t-shirts - which looks ridiculously tight around your breasts - and your gorgeous hips covered in the flimsy fabric of your knickers. The caption reads, Just chillin’.

It would be a wonderful selfie, definitely worth more than a penny, if it wasn’t for the background.

Tom tests a few quick selfies, but nothing feels right, so he tries to photograph his reflection in the mirror and ends up sending you a snap of his frowny face, lips tense and scrunched up to the side, adding a caption that reads:

Why are you pantless in my KITCHEN?!

The rules in his house are pretty simple. He came up with the concept as somewhat of a joke, but he started creating more and more, most of the time just to make you roll your eyes to the back of your head in annoyance - because that was a look - but then you decided it would be fun to scribble them all down in a white clipboard that is now hanging in his fridge.

One of the rules clearly says no naked business in the kitchen - an added or in the dining room!! underlined and with a much necessary extra exclamation point - so this selfie is one hundred percent a jab you’re taking at him.

He gets another notification, but it’s a message instead of a snap and it reads:

(shrug emoji) (middle finger emoji) 🤷 🖕 You’re not here, so it’s my kitchen now.

Tom:You vixen

You: 🦊 (fox emoji)

Someone knocks on the door and calls for him, so Tom doesn’t have time to reply back. When he gets back to the meeting, he feels his phone vibrate, but sadly he can’t check what it is right now.

He only sees it during lunch break. It’s another snap, another selfie you sent him, but Tom puts his phone down immediately at the sight of skin because there’s people around him and who knows what level of nosy they are. So he excuses himself to the bathroom to have a proper look.

It’s a photo of you, all right, still in his kitchen, but barely wearing a t-shirt anymore because your arm is pulling it up as you reach under it for your breast. The shape of your hand around your nipple is slightly perceptible through the fabric when he screenshots the snap and zooms in on the camera roll app. Tom can see the bottom of your jaw, a hint of your open mouth with a cheeky tongue poking out in the corner, but the most inappropriate detail is definitely the hand you’re hiding down your knickers.

He opens the regular messaging app and texts, You’re in trouble now.

Tom sees the text you send him right away, with three question marks and a wondering emoji, but he leaves you on read. That ought to teach you a lesson.

•

On the way home after lunch, Tom sends you one short, assertive text.

Going home. Get ready.

He knows you’ll know what it means, and you certainly don’t disappoint. When he enters the bedroom where he expects you to be, you've followed the rule of getting undressed and kneeling on the mattress, your front to the foot of the bed, hands clasped together behind your back. At least that you could do.

“Tommy?” you say immediately, calling out for his attention.

“Yes, little one?” Tom responds, but he doesn't look you in the eye. He keeps staring at your breasts, his breasts that soon he will be able to indulge himself on.

“Permission to confess something?” He nods curtly, both hands finally reaching out for your tits and kneading them as you speak. “I made myself come earlier.”

Tom pauses. His jaw feels awfully clenched as he stares into your eyes. On the one hand, you’re following the rule of always telling him the truth when he roleplays Dom Tom, but you’re not following the rule of no orgasms when he’s not around.

“You what?”

“Yeah…” you mutter, dropping your gaze to the floor. “Sorry, Tommy.”

“You don't look it,” Tom says, slapping the top of your hip. Your little pleased hum tells him more than he needed to hear. You're reveling on everything you think he's about to do to you, being addicted to being punished as you are, so Tom will have to be extra creative tonight so he can fool you.

“You know that’s not allowed,” he reminds you, caressing your hip with his hand before slapping it again.

“I know, Tommy, but I was thinking about you, and–”

“I don’t want to hear it. You know I’m the only one allowed to make you come.”

You nod and drop your gaze to the floor again, a clever plan to make him mad or take pity on you. But not tonight. There will be no pity, and there will definitely not be any indulging you.

“I don’t understand,” Tom continues, moving away from you. It takes a lot more inner strength than he thought not to smirk at your needy whine. “I don’t understand why you’ve to keep defying me.”

You grunt when he squeezes your breasts again, using his palms and his fingers to press them together and make a single mound on your chest. All he wants is to reach out and lick you all over, because your breasts are his biggest weakness, but he keeps himself in check by continuing to speak.

“You know what happens when you break the rules, don’t you?” You nod in response, another whine leaving your trembling lips when he lets go of you. “Words, little one.”

Tom knows that you're perfectly aware that the softer he gets, the smoother he talks, the harder will be his blows, but you keep doing this. You keep breaking his rules and teasing him about it, knowing he will give you the punishment you want, but that’s not going to fly tonight. No matter how much you plead.

And he’s going to show you, starting by giving you strict instructions that you’d better follow strictly to the last detail. He can pretty much guess you’re not going to, though, which only makes him angrier and greedier.

“Lie on your stomach on the bed, little one. Hands behind your back. Legs spread, bent at the knees. I want to see those feet really high up, all right?”

As you move into position, Tom keeps watch with one eye and moves about the bedroom, opening the drawer on his dresser that he only really opens when you’re being a bad girl.

“Close your eyes,” he instructs, grabbing a small toy from the drawer and shaking it to make sure the battery is still in there.

When he turns back to the bed, you seem to have followed every single instruction against his expectations, which you might think will get you the punishment you want him to give you. You go absolutely nuts when he spanks your ass with his bare hands, but he’s going to do everything but. You think you can manipulate him into doing what you want, but he's about to show you otherwise.

“I’m going to use one of our toys on you, all right?”

Despite occupying the dominant position, he’s learned from you that open communication is the best way to guarantee the wildest nights, so he started asking you for permission before he does anything to you. Right now, he lets you respond with nothing but a silent nod.

He moves to the foot of the bed, standing there with his eyes on your puffy cunt, dark and wet, clenching around nothing in your anticipation for his touch.

“I’m going to touch you now, is that okay?”

You nod again, but he doesn’t let you have it this time. “Use your words. And use them wisely.”

“Yes, Tommy. Please touch me.”

“I said wisely, you bad girl,” he hisses. “Remind me a little. What happens when you start begging?”

“You don’t give me– fuck,” you interrupt yourself the moment his fingers trickle up your inner thigh. Your pussy is panging with blood, obvious beneath your skin, certainly wanting to feel him, but you don’t get that when you beg.

“What was that?”

“You don’t give me what I want, Tommy.”

“That’s fucking right,” he growls, spreading his whole palm around your thigh, grasping the flesh and moving it around from the inner side to the outer side and back, getting dangerously close to your crotch. You can probably feel the heat from his skin, he can imagine how much from the way your muscles are reacting to his closeness.

“All right, here we go,” Tom says casually, showing you the bullet vibrator he’s been holding in his hand this whole time. It’s the smallest one you have, which is compensated by its wavy shape, and he thinks it might just be your favorite. At least judging from the countless times you’ve come just from him using it on your clit mixed with short, precise dabs of his tongue inside your throbbing pussy.

He looks down at it and grins, watching your hole clench around nothing again. You’re so eager for anything that he gives you, and he’s taking full advantage of that. Done with teasing, Tom moves his hand away from your leg and slides the pink toy beneath your mound, making sure it’s on a mid level. Not too low, not too high, just enough to leave you begging for more so he can keep denying it to you.

Tom pulls away and tilts his head, watching you squirm and rut a little against the toy. He asks, “How does that feel?”

“Good,” you moan. “So fucking good.”

“Wow.” Tom wiggles his eyebrows even though you can’t see him. You’re really eager tonight. “We’re barely started and your voice is already torn. I love that.”

“Tommy?”

“Yes, little one?” Tom strolls to the side of the bed, hands behind his back imitating - or mocking - yours, torso slightly leaning forward so he can really look into your eyes. They’re clouded with want, but not enough pleasure.

“Choose your next words wisely,” Tom advises, making you close your eyes and pull your bottom lip between your teeth. He knows you’re about to beg for something. He wants you to, but isn’t sure if you’ll cave or not.

“Tommy,” you repeat yourself, moving your hips a little. “What happens now?”

Tom walks closer to the bed and readjusts your hips so that your clit sits straight atop the vibrator. You curse and squirm away again, so he pulls you back in with his hands digging just a little further into your hips.

“Now, you stay still,” he replies to your question, smoothing his palm against the curve of your ass. You close your eyes again, inhaling a strained hiss, then you open them and look up at him, probably thinking he’s going to smack you. Except he never does.

“I need to check my email, see if there’s any follow-up yet about the meeting,” he explains. You lie there with your eyes trained on his, your feet shaking from hanging in the air. “You can put your feet down. As long as you don’t shift that vibrator away.”

“Yes, Tommy,” you sort of mutter, but he’s not going to make you repeat it. Tom knows you’re struggling to keep a straight face right now, so he just listens closely. “Thank you, Tommy.”

“You’re welcome.” He smooths another hand on your ass, and your eyes close. “So desperate for me to spank you, heh? Well, trust me, that’s not going to happen tonight.”

You make a sound that sits in between a fuck and a nnngh, but again he lets you have it. You’re already trying too hard not to move.

“You’ll be good for me while I go grab a chair?”

“Yes, Tommy.”

Tom nods at you and turns away, strolling into his walk-in closet with a grin on his face. Now that you can’t see him, he adjusts his hard cock in his pants and mouths a silent stream of curses. You’re fucking beautiful all over and every day of your life, but lying there naked, on your stomach, immensely eager to please him is a sight he’s never going to grow tired of.

Finally grabbing one of the chairs he has there for support, Tom goes back to the bedroom and sets the chair by the foot of the bed. He wants to see you, wants to see your pussy from this angle as the vibrator distributes waves of not enough pleasure through the nerves on your clit.

He notices that you’ve shifted a little to the side, the toy sitting next to your clit rather than under it, so he places his hands on the back of your thighs without warning and basks in the needy wail you emit.

“So fucking desperate,” he exclaims, rubbing his palms up and down as your hips rut against the bed and the toy. It shifts to the side even more, so he readjusts it and holds it there for a few seconds longer, using the other hand to turn it up a little.

“Fuck, Tommy, I can’t,” you start to say, cutting yourself off when he turns the vibrations up even more.

“You can’t what?”

“I can’t hold off much longer.”

“But you’re going to,” he says. “Aren’t you?”

The whine you emit makes the grin on Tom’s face grow impossibly wide. And just for the fun of it, the thrill of seeing you squirm to keep yourself together, he turns the vibrations up to the highest level and sits back on the chair to watch you try not to come undone.

•

» more than this verse [18+]

#church of holland ™️#tom holland smut #holland #b writes #morethanthisverse

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sugdenlovesdingle · 5 years ago

Text

Robert Week day 3 - Iconic™️ / Sassiness

It’s all about politics (AO3 link)

Politics AU - Robert’s hook up turns out to work for his and Nicola’s political opponent

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Robert was hungover. Very hungover. Even if the night before had been more than worth it, he wished he could turn around and go home and crawl back into bed.

But if he did that Nicola would probably drag him back to the office herself.

So instead he took another sip of his coffee and winced as he took off his sunglasses and put them in his pocket.

“Robert, Nicola is looking for you. She’s in her office and she’s not happy.” Priya, one of his colleagues, warned him.

“Is she ever?” Robert sighed. “What did Jimmy do this time to piss her off?”

“I don’t know, but if there’s ever a time to smile and nod and tell her she’s right about everything, it’s today.”

“So what else is new?”

“Just giving you a heads up.” Priya told him, then paused to take a good look at him. “Weren’t you wearing that outfit yesterday too?”

“I better go in and see Nicola.” Robert said instead of answering her question.

He walked to Nicola’s office and mentally braced himself for the yelling that would probably follow.

“You wanted to see me?” he said sweetly when he walked into her office.

“Well actually I wanted to kill you but that would be bad for my campaign.”

“Lucky me then that you’re running for office.” Robert joked but Nicola’s face was still set to murder. “Anyway, what’s up?” he asked.

“This.” She said pointing at a newspaper on her desk. “What the hell is this?”

“That’s what we call a newspaper.” Robert said, “It’s what people read to find out what’s happening in the world.”

“Don’t get cute with me, Robert. You know damn well what I mean.”

“No I don’t. What did the tabloids print about you this time? Or did Charity Dingle say something about you?”

“Oh no it’s not about me. They’ve found a much more interesting subject to write about.”

“Yeah? What’s that then?”

“Look!” she shoved the paper in his face “This isn’t happening. Please tell me that’s your long lost twin.”

Robert looked at the paper and saw pictures of himself from last night.

Pictures of himself in a gay bar he’d gone to with some of the campaign staff to blow off some steam, and pictures of himself and one guy in particular. In the bar, kissing and laughing, and in the alley behind the bar, doing other stuff that he was glad the paparazzo hadn’t been able to get a clear picture of.

Even though it was obvious what they were doing.

“Sleeping with the enemy.” Robert read aloud. “That’s a bit dramatic isn’t it?”

“Dramatic? Do you have any idea who that guy is, Robert?”

“Uhm… his name is Aaron… I think.” Robert said and checked his phone where he’d saved a picture of the guy with his name as the caption. “Yep. Definitely Aaron.”

“Last name?”

“I don’t know Nicola, we didn’t quite get around to telling each other our entire family history.” Robert said exasperated. “We were kind of busy doing other things.” He added with a grin.

“You’re unbelievable.”

“That’s what he said last night.”

Nicola gave him a death stare.

“Are you going to meet up with him again?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. Hopefully.”

“You can’t.”

“What? Since when do you get any say in that?”

“Since that’s Aaron DINGLE, Robert. Charity Dingle’s nephew or whatever. He works for her!”

“Oh.”

“Yes. Oh.” Nicola let out a frustrated grunt. “I should just sack you as damage control.”

“You wouldn’t. You need me.”

“Like a hole in the head.” Nicola deadpanned. “I should promote Priya and sack you.” She muttered. “Did he say anything about Charity or the campaign? Or our campaign?”

“No. I know it’s hard to imagine for you but not everyone spends their every waking hour thinking and talking about the great Nicola King.”

“I should really sack you. You were a sure thing, Robert! You had the perfect fiancée and the built in kid, what happened?”

“The kid was a psychopath.”

“Yeah and you slept with your sister in law. Which the papers loved of course.”

“Well then at least it made someone happy.”

“Oh she wasn’t good enough for you? You cost me my seat on the council last time with that stunt!” Nicola yelled.

“I was bored, she wanted to make her boyfriend jealous. Didn’t work out.” Robert shrugged. “But aren’t the latest numbers in your favour?”

“Not in every district. I need Nora and Helen on side and they both fancy you. For reasons unknown…”

“What, you want me to go seduce them or something?”

“Well that’s not going to work anymore now is it? Now the whole country knows you’re gay.”

“I’m not gay, I’m bi.” Robert corrected her. “And I very much doubt anyone cares about the campaign manager of some random woman running for a place on the local council.”

“I need to win this time ok, Robert? I am not losing to Charity Dingle again.” Nicola went on, ignoring Robert. “I mean I’m already behind because she’s a lesbian and her wife is a vet. I can’t compete with that can I? A lesbian lover and cute, fluffy bunnies!” She ranted.

“I’m pretty sure she’s bi, not gay.”

“Same thing!” Nicola yelled, frustrated. “Wait. How do you know that? Did Aaron tell you that?”

“No. We didn’t talk much at all, let alone about that.” Robert told her. “But she was at pride last summer waving a bi pride flag.”

“She was? How do you know?”

“I was there. And it was in the paper.” Robert shrugged. “The same one you’ve just thrown in my face.”

Nicola looked at the paper on her desk again and Robert could see the cogs turning in her head.

“I need the gays to like me too. I need the gay vote.”

“And how do you plan on doing that?” Robert sighed.

“I don’t know… I need you to find out what Charity Dingle is doing to make the gays like her. Call Aaron, go out with him again, see what you can find out!”

“Oh I can go out with him again now? Ten minutes ago I wasn’t allowed to see him again.”

“If you’re going to shag Aaron bloody Dingle in some dodgy alley, you better make it worth my while.”

“I have to make my sex life worth your while?” Robert said laughingly. “I thought we’d put that behind us a long time ago?”

Nicola glared at him.

“We all make mistakes. Now go call Aaron and see what you can find out from him about Charity.”

“What if I don’t like him? What if I just used him to get to his mate?”

“Tough! Do as you’re told for once!”

Robert rolled his eyes and grabbed the paper off Nicola’s desk.

“What do you want with that?”

“Frame it and send it to my mother for Christmas.” Robert said sarcastically and laughed to himself when he heard Nicola call him every swear word she knew.

He loved his job, he loved the attention and being able to play with people’s opinion to make them vote in their favour, but sometimes he loved winding up Nicola even more.

After a quick stop off at the office kitchen to get himself some more coffee, he settled in a quiet corner to take a good look at the pictures. They really weren’t the most flattering and there really wasn’t any doubt as to what they were doing in the alley, but he couldn’t bring himself to care much.

Not when he saw the way Aaron was looking at him in those pictures.

He got his phone out and snapped a picture of the paper and sent it to Aaron.

Looks like we’re famous now.

The reply came almost instantly.

- Looks like it. What will we do with this new found fame?

Robert smiled at his phone.

I don’t know. Maybe we should discuss it over lunch?

- Alright. Your place or mine?

I didn’t mean that kind of lunch, but I guess I can be persuaded ;)

- Later. I do need to eat. I know a good place. 12.30 ok?

Sure. Text me the address and I’ll be there.

- Good answer

They texted back and forth for a while until Aaron said he had to go and he’d meet him at a café a friend of his owned.

Robert decided to stay in his hiding place and got his laptop out of his bag to try get some work done. Only his mind kept drifting back to the night before and he ended up searching the internet for more pictures of the two of them. He found a few more on the tabloid’s website and the club’s Facebook page.

Some of the comments under the tabloid article were the standard shocked housewives who complained the paper shouldn’t post those kind of pictures, as well as a few homophobes, but nothing too interesting.

Facebook was a lot of eggplant emojis and some comments on how they’d clearly enjoyed themselves. No mention of Nicola or his connection to her campaign. Or Aaron’s connection to Charity’s.

The rest of the morning went by quickly and thankfully his hangover was starting to subside by the time he left the office to go meet Aaron for lunch.

When he got to the café Aaron was already there, talking to a guy Robert recognised as one of the friends he’d been at the bar with the night before.

“Hey.” Robert said, walking up to them. “I haven’t kept you waiting, have I?”

“No, no, it’s fine. I just got here.” Aaron told him. “I was just trying to convince Ellis to give us a free lunch because he’s a good friend and friends look after each other.”

“Yeah and I told him he can just pay like everyone else.” Ellis said and patted Aaron’s shoulder before walking away.

“Do you want to get a table?” Robert asked and Aaron nodded and they sat down at the nearest free table.

“So you saw the paper then.” Aaron stated.

“Yeah. Nicola shoved it in my face this morning. And yelled at me for sleeping with the enemy.”

“Ouch.”

“It’s alright. She yells at me a lot… it’s kind of our thing.” Robert explained. “I do something she doesn’t like, she yells at me and threatens to sack me, or actually does sack me, I stay out of her way for a few hours and we go on like nothing happened.”

Aaron laughed.

“Interesting dynamic.”

“What’s it like working for Charity Dingle then?”

“I don’t really work for her to be honest. I just get dragged into it from time to time.” Aaron told him. “She’s my mum’s cousin and well, they’re Dingles so they’re all about family, you know.”

Robert nodded.

“Nicola hates that about her. She’s been trying to get the perfect white picket fence, 2.5 kids, and a Labrador thing going for years but it’s not really working out.”

“And what about you? Any white picket fences in your near future?”

Robert leaned forward on the table a little.

“Not right now… but never say never. When the right person comes along… sure. But right now, I’m just enjoying being single.”

“And going home with blokes you just met in a club.”

“And enjoying it thoroughly.”

A waitress stopped by their table to take their order and came back with their food in record time.

“It helps when you know the owner.” Aaron said with grin.

“Obviously. I think I should keep hanging out with you. It’s got it’s perks.”

They kept flirting as they ate and Robert was ready to sack of work for the rest of the week and just spend it with Aaron. Preferably wearing a lot less clothing than they were now.

“Charity lost her shit over the paper this morning.” Aaron said. “Told me to stay away from anyone that works for the snake.” He added laughingly.

“I’m glad you don’t listen to her then.”

“It’s kind of exciting isn’t it? Sneaking around.”

“Forbidden love.” Robert agreed. “Romeo and… erm… Romeo”

Aaron laughed

“How about just Robert and Aaron?”

Robert smiled.

“That sounds pretty good to me.”

“What are you doing the rest of the day?” Aaron asked after a minute.

“Nothing that can’t wait.”

“I was hoping you’d say that. Do you want to get out of here?”

Robert dropped a 20 pound note on the table.

“Gladly.”

#robron #robertsugdenweek #rsweek2019 #robert sugden #aaron dingle #robron fic #my writing #look at me posting late again

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