#the book 2 release motivated me to finally pick it up today

[bluesey-182]

this book im reading is giving every indication that it takes place in the 1920/30s and yet. and fucking yet the main character starts singing a taylor swift song. get out of my face. please just fucking decide what time period your book takes place in instead of doing this. it also has some of the dumbest takes and brings too much dumb internet discourse straight onto the pages. the main character actually said the line "or maybe he's gaslighting me?" shut up

[imagine-it-to-be-true]

Fix You - Caius Volturi x FemOC Three Shot: Part 2

Hey guys! So, originally, this story was supposed to be a One-shot. But because of the overwhelming amount of requests I’ve received (thank you so much sweeties, by the way), I’ve decided to make it into a three parter. This is part 2, and the first part can be found on my blog. I’m not sure when I get around to writing part 3 as uni starts back up today, but I’ll try my best not to keep you in suspense for too long. This part is more centred around chaos than romance. Nothing belongs to me (including the GIF) Also, warnings: violence, blood, death.

Andromeda’s POV

The sensations were weird. First, I had been in a lot of pain around my stomach region. I could hardly breathe, let alone express my pain to the handsome-yet-creepy, blonde stranger taking care of me. Though I’m sure he knew. I mean, even I knew I was dying, and he was helpless to save me, so I didn’t bother speaking. I could see the concern in his eyes and hear his sweet whisperings as he stroked my cheeks and wiped away my tears. But these little comforts were not enough to stop the hurt. Then, when I saw him holding a huge syringe, it sent me into panic mode. I never liked needles, not to mention ones which were about to inject unfamiliar liquids into me. But he reassured me it would help, which calmed me down. Not like I could defend myself in that moment anyways. I guess it couldn’t hurt me more. It turned out he was right. After a few minutes, I noticed the pain slowly going away. Maybe it wasn’t the liquid, but the fast-approaching release of death, I wasn’t sure. My cries began to slow, and I could feel more pleasant sensations, such as the pale man stroking my hand with his thumb, gently massaging circles into it. Then, he asked,

“What is your name, omorfiá mou?”

Gasping for air, I attempted to speak,

“Andromeda,” came my whispered reply. With my half-opened eyes, I was able to see his perfect lips draw up in a smile. Focusing on his features, I didn’t even realize that my pain was entirely gone, and I was feeling rather loopy. I watched the man bend down closer to me, brushing my hair back and running his ice-cold knuckles down the side of my neck. Suddenly I felt a sense of vulnerability. I felt his cool breath hitting my ear as he whispered,

“Do not be afraid. You will live forever. You are mine now, and I will never let anything hurt you again.” I was confused and fear began to resurface. I had gotten away from one creep, only to be taken by another. This man scared me to my core. But before I could dwell on my thoughts, I saw him quickly lean down towards my neck, as if he was about to kiss me. That was not what happened.

Indeed, I momentarily felt his cool lips touch the sensitive skin of my neck. But then a sharp pain erupted. Whatever it was that he injected into me was definitely helping. I was aching again, though differently this time. It was a dull, electrifying, fiery sensation, which immediately spread from my neck to my brain, and all the way down to the tips of my toes. My body was on fire, but it was not as intense. If one were to be scratched over and over and over again, pain would increase. This was what I was going through. It was continuous and that was making it worse. An hour had passed, then two, then I lost count. I couldn’t see anything anymore, my vision clouded. Yet I could still hear him. He never seemed to leave. Others would come and go. Time would pass and I would feel needles in my arms. I assume he kept injecting me with whatever it was, which managed my pain; probably morphine. I learned his name was Caius from others who had come in and spoken to him. Caius. What an unusual name. But it fit him.

He had injected so much morphine into me that the dull burning sensation eventually stopped. That, or perhaps I adjusted to it. I could not tell how much time had passed, but by now, it had been a while, for sure. I had given up. If it were not for his constant voice, and feeling of his icy hands touching my own, I would have believed I passed on. But eventually, my vision slowly began to return. I hadn’t felt injections in hours, and no pain returned, which was strange.

The entire time I lay there, presumably dying, I thought of my life. Who would miss me? I had no parents. Both died in a car crash when I was 12. I was in the back seat and miraculously survived. Given no time to adjust to the tragedy, I was immediately placed in a foster home in New Haven, where I experienced endless amounts of bullying. But as with all foster children, my stay was temporary. For the next five years, I bounced from one home to the next. This made me reserved, quiet, and untrusting. I was socially awkward and had very few friends. My main comforts came from the company of animals. Truthfully, I got used to this solitary existence, finding that I expressed myself better through storytelling than the spoken word. In fact, my unfortunate childhood did not impact my standing at school. I was always a good student, and this landed me a fully paid scholarship to NYU where I completed a double degree in journalism and history. The lack of family and friends allowed me to dedicate all my time to my studies and work, which was conducting research for my professor. Then, after graduating, I decided to make a drastic change and start fresh with a move to Europe. For the last two years, I had spent my time travelling several countries and writing articles on historical artifacts, buildings, and churches. I sold my stories to networks as a freelance historical journalist, living alone and moving often from place to place. In fact, Volterra was my last stop in Europe before I planned to relocate to Egypt and focus on Pharaonic history there. Not many of Volterra’s tourists knew about the building I had been photographing, which was off the main street and down an alleyway. It was not glamorous, but historic, which drove me to it. That is where I was and what I was doing when I was suddenly grabbed and dragged into a dark alleyway.

My life had been flashing before my eyes over and over again. I wanted to live. To do better. To be better. I was sick of being alone. So, when my vision began returning, I was filled with motivation to live. Really live. Finally, I could focus my eyes. I stared up at what appeared to be a bed canopy. It was velvet, and dark red in color. To my right, I could sense the smell of burning candles. It was so prominent that it made my nose burn. My hands were balled into fists, grasping the cotton sheets and I could see that I ripped holes in them. How much pain was I in that I ripped a bedsheet with my bare hands? I then noticed something strange. I was not breathing. Since when was I not breathing? This frightened me immensely, and I bolted into an upright sitting position. As I did, the bed violently shook. The canopy swayed as if it would collapse at any second. Did I do this? I’m a weak little girl who couldn’t even fight off a drunk man in an alleyway, how was I doing all this? I heard a sound to my left and immediately snapped my head towards the source. It was a young woman – girl more like it – that I did not recognize. She had strange red eyes, much like my rescuer. But she frightened me more than him. There was a certain evil surrounding her, I could sense it. How, I did not know. All I knew was that she did not wish me well.

“Hello, Andromeda.” She spoke coolly.

I looked at her, suspicion and confusion painted over my face.

“H-how do you know my name?”

“Master Caius told me.”

‘Master?’ that sounded strange. Not something a girl would call a man. What was this, a sex trafficking operation? Before I could speak, she continued.

“He has been by your side. He will return any minute now. He went out hunting for you.” She spoke like an information-giving robot: just spewing facts, unmoving, her expression unchanging.

I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Hunting… that’s not necessary. I- I don’t eat meat.” Her expression finally changed. Her smirk transformed into a creepy smile, and she let out a laugh.

“Believe me, dear girl. It is not exactly meat he will be returning with.” She turned on her heels and stormed out of the room. Two guards opened the bedroom door for her and shut it as she left. So, they have my room guarded. I guess they aren’t going to let me leave.

I was not in a hurry; I needed to see Caius. Thank him. And ask him how he was able to fix me. Was I remembering correctly that he bit me?! What a strange thing to do. I looked down on my stomach, which was completely injury-free. Then, I reached my hand to the back of my neck, trying to feel any bitemarks there. Nothing. What the hell? I did not understand. I had a lot of questions and needed answers, the most pressing of which was why my throat was on fire. I would have asked the girl, but something in me yelled to keep my distance from her; that she was dangerous. Slowly, I stood up from the bed, noticing that the white dress I had on when I was shot was no longer on me. Instead, I wore a soft, white nightgown, with lace on the collar. It seemed like a typical garment from Tudor England, or something. It was unlike anything I had seen in any mall or shop. Come to think of it, the entire room had a historic, gothic feel to it. The décor resembled a royal palace.

My feet hit the marble floor and I began walking around the room, making my way to the bookshelf. There, a massive assortment of books awaited. However, they were not the typical books one would find in a normal home. These were all historic and ancient. I picked up a copy of the Iliad. Looking at the bindings, I could tell the book was old. More interestingly, it was still written in Homeric Greek – not a language many would be able to read. Whoever this belongs to was most definitely smart.

Suddenly, I felt the burning in my throat worsen. The sensation intensified to the point where I was nearly panicking. Ready to run for the doors and ask the guards for help, I heard footsteps approaching.

The door swung open, and the man… Caius walked in. No longer dying, I could properly admire his features. He looked perfect, truly. Not a single flaw on his face or skin. His nearly white, blonde hair carefully combed back behind his ears. He moved towards where I was sat in an armchair and knelt in front of me. Immediately, I was filled with a calmness. It was like I was home. I cannot describe it completely, but it was as if all problems were erased, and I was safe. This was the second time I managed to judge a person based on feelings, all within the last few minutes. First with the young woman from earlier, and now Caius. Before he could speak, the feeling was gone, and replaced once again with unease and danger, as I watched the young woman reappear, dragging a man by his wrist. Behind her, the guards entered the room and stood on either side of the man. I could feel that he was not dangerous, as the fear was practically radiating off him. The woman stepped behind him and gave him a push towards me.

“Dinner,” she stated coldly. I looked from her to the frightened man, to Caius. I could see annoyance on his face, as he turned to her and spoke.

“Must you, Jane? Do you not know of patience?”

“Forgive me, Master Caius. You were not one to show patience often, and I do learn from you.” She stated simply.

When Caius turned to me, I was grasping my throat, which was burning almost unbearably. “What is happening?!” I choked out.

“I know this will not make sense to you right now, and I will explain everything, I promise. But the only thing that will stop the ache is if you drink blood. You need to drink this man’s blood.” Caius whispered to me, out of earshot of the poor man.

I froze and looked at him with wide eyes, face in complete and utter shock.

“WHAT?! What did you just say?!” I exclaimed, not believing what I heard.

He sighed and leaned in once again, whispering. “In order to save your life from your injuries, I was forced to turn you into a vampire. You need blood, and you need it now. Trust me.” He tried again.

“I WILL NOT! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!” Hastily standing, I pushed him away. My intention was to give him a normal, hard push so that he gets the message. But nothing prepared me for what happened. When I pushed him, he went flying across the room and hitting a marble column, which shattered on impact. Immediately, the room was filled with noise and dust as the column went crashing down around him. I pushed myself into the corner of the room and watched in terror. That impact would have killed an elephant. Yet Caius, simply rose, brushing dust off his blazer and pants. The evil woman – Jane as he called her – appeared emotionless as she turned her attention from Caius to me.

“Fine. More for us then,” she said. What followed, was simply too much for me to handle.

First, I heard Caius yelling, “Jane, NO!” In one swift motion, she tore the frightened man’s throat with her teeth. Blood gushed out from the wound, spilling all over the white marble floor. I screamed in terror. But what was even more terrifying than the poor man’s death, was the smell of his blood. It was driving me crazy. It was like nothing I had ever experienced it. I craved it. Needed it. And was so close to taking it all for myself. But with any remaining strength I had left, I stopped myself. This was not me. I was a vegetarian because I cared for the well-being of animals. There was not a thing in the world which would force me to do anything to harm another living soul. So, I curled up in a ball in my corner and rocked back and forth, trying to focus my senses on anything other than the delicious smell of blood.

“I will deal with you later. Take him and leave, now!” I heard Caius’ voice. “You are not to come here again; you are not to see her! Now go!”

“Yes, Master Caius.” I heard her disgusting, venomous voice once again as she left. The doors closed and the room was filled with silence.

I momentarily thought Caius left too, but then I felt the sensation of safety return to me.

“How did I do that?” I ask with a shaking voice.

“You are a new vampire. For the first few weeks, you will be stronger than the rest of us. This will pass, and you will adjust.” He said gently.

I continued hugging my knees and rocking. Caius continued.

“This is not how a newborn should experience the first moments. But Andromeda…” he hesitated, “You need to feed. If you do not, it will only get worse. Your awareness will seize to function, and you will eventually kill more than you would have otherwise.”

With no response from me, Caius reached for my hands, placing his own over them. This woke a rage inside of me. I grasped his wrists and pushed him backwards. His back hit the wall, not as hard this time. I began speaking.

“You did this to me. You made me this… this… monster. This is on you. You should have let me die. Now, because of your selfish need for heroism, I will murder countless others.”

We both rose to our feet. He gently approached me again, saying my name, but I held my hand up to block him. “Get out. I don’t ever want to see you again. I hate you.”

With that, I pushed him towards the direction of the door. He paused,

“Andromeda-”

“GET OUT!” I picked up a glass vase and threw it in his direction, and he finally left. I sat down on the cold marble tiles, pressing my back against the wall, and screamed in agony.

[jesswritesthat]

hey babe! i love your writing so much!!! so i recently watched kaguya-sama: love is war and i was wondering if you could do a headcanon of kuroo, bokuto and atsumu where their crush gets sick and they visit her and she drags them into her bed to sleep with them? you can decide how it ends. thank you so much in advance if you do end up writing this! i love you and take care of youself💞

Hello lovely! Thank you so much for this, I’ve never seen Kaguya-Sama but it sounds really cute. Also take care of yourself too and I hope these are okay! Much love 💕

Summary: Bokuto, Kuroo and Atsumu checking up on their sick crush headcanons

>>>>—————————>

Bokuto Kōtarō:

• Has felt like he's been missing something all day but couldn't quite decipher what it was until Akaashi mentions how you're off sick.

• Thats when your phone is bombarded with ‘urgent’ messages inquiring about your wellbeing to the dramatic extent of:

[ Kou: (N/N)! You haven't answered me yet, are yOu StiLl AliVe?! ]

[ (N/n): no ]

[ Kou: Aw, can I have your cool headphones then, since you won't be needing them anymore? 😁💕 ]

[ (N/n): Wow Kou, I'll haunt your dumbass at Volleyball games for that. ]

[ Kou: Even in death, your support means everything to me. ]

• Despite his nonsense he kept updated with you throughout the school day by sending memes in hopes of raising your spirits. The most peace you got was during Volleyball Club time - the Ace too invested to message you at that point.

• At the end though he calls his team for a serious discussion and they're all expecting major improvements on their gameplay ready for Nationals.

But no.

"What can I get (N/n) to make her feel better, this is crucial. I need only good ideas!"

• They all knew about his crush on you, he wasn't exactly secretive about it but you were none the wiser. Even so, Fukurōdani offered what advice they could to their friend because like him, they cared about you too.

• "Akaashi picked up your schoolwork." Bokuto says as he walks into your room, waving the papers and placing them on your side.

"And you didn't think to take notes for me?"

"Nah, I wanted to bring you good stuff."

"Fair point."

• Bokutos likely brought everything he could find once he went home and changed/showered - he's got flowers, your favourite snacks, drinks, medicine and some movies to cure your boredom. Like how much do I owe you???

He's says it's fine though, in return you have to be better by tomorrow.

That's not how it works Kou.

• You're both seated on your bed watching some shitty movie when you start getting a bit sleepy and you just want warmth.

"Can you give me a hug Kōtarō? I just need a hug, I know how weird that sounds..."

• Doesn't even think twice about it, he practically tackles you onto the covers which elicits lovely giggles from you - the potential of him getting sick too isn't even considered, he's just focused on being with you and making you feel better.

• His arms are so warm and they’re beautiful, you forgot how toned he is and you grow so comfortable in his embrace. He’s also really relaxed about it and is calm enough to ramble on normally - except when you nuzzle against him during a cold shiver. Bokuto full on freezes mid sentence, releasing a cautious breath prior to changing the subject.

• It’s obvious he’s content with you though, and surprisingly falls asleep first which makes you laugh. Kōtarō keeps a strong but delicate hold on your body and is subconsciously receptive enough to your every move. You adjusted yourself slightly which stirred him, his voice is much huskier than before due to sleep but remains concerned.

“Can’t you sleep (Y/n)? I can-“

“I’m fine, you’re keeping me warm.”

• With a nod of understanding he’s gone again and you follow shortly afterwards, the both of you unintentionally making the nap a sleepover. Which you only realise the next morning - still in his arms even if the position has changed. You take a few minutes to enjoy it.

• Miraculously doesn't get sick, his immune system must be immortal as he's brimming with energy once he gets up. His radiance is actually contagious as you feel much better in yourself too and his vibrant attitude really motivates you for the day despite being physically exhausted from beating the flu.

• "Your partner is going to be blessed if you bring them breakfast, I mean talk about amazing." You comment as he brings up a plate that he’d crafted in your kitchen, which is surprisingly decent. You suppose he must keep his body fit somehow.

"My crush will have to do for now."

"Wait I - ah, you have a crush on me?"

"Hah, didn't you know? I never tried to hide it or anything."

Kuroo Tetsurō:

• Notices your absence immediately, he's observant by nature but especially where his crush is concerned and he isn't afraid to contact you before class starts.

• "Hey (Y/n), it's Kuroo, are you running late today?"

"Hnn, I'm not gonna make it. I tried but I feel awful - Sickness: 1, (L/n): 0." Already by the grogginess in your voice he can tell you're under the weather and winces at the sound of you stifling a cough.

"Ah geez, go to bed would you? And drink plenty of water, I'll inform the teachers and everything."

"Thanks Tetsurō, I owe you one."

• Will message you at regular intervals throughout the day regarding your health with cute little reminders. You were on his mind frequently, he’s lowkey worried okay?

[ Tetsu: Drink water, and eat breakfast if you can. ]

[ (Y/n): Yeah yeah I have, go learn something. ]

[ Tetsu: Why are you replying? Shouldn't you be sleeping it off - I don't want your germs. ]

[ (Y/n): Sharing is caring. ]

[ Tetsu: Oya? It took a cold for you finally admit you care, so is it gonna take a pandemic to say you love me? 😏 ]

[ (Y/n): 🖕🏻]

• Is actually considerate enough to tell you he'll swing by after practice, and asks if you want anything from the shop so you give basics like water and tablets. Comes equipped with the extra notes he's taken from all of your shared classes and requested papers from teachers in those you don't, so you're not falling behind.

• Aside from the bare minimum you requested, he chucks your favourite snacks on your desk stating that it’s important to keep morale high too. Liar. He just wanted to do something nice for you.

• Checks your temperature despite your protests of not being a child, he only does this because it vexes you and Kuroo finds that cute. As a silent apology for teasing the Hell out of you, he’ll make you some tea and you both get lost in conversation.

• Notices you’re starting to doze off, rest you should’ve had instead of texting everyone - but ensuring everything is fine, he’s about to stealthily exit until your fingers grasp his wrist and tug him back slightly.

"Stay Tetsurō..."

"You'll likely regret that request once you wake up."

"S'ok, it's you."

• The strength you have when tugging him into bed with you catches him completely off guard and he’s actually blushing - doesn’t know what to say but knows he has to at least maintain some composure.

“So uh, never knew you wanted me this badly.”

“Ugh shut up dumbass, I can feel your rapid heartbeat from here.”

“Right...”

• Kuroo goes all shy, you’ve wrapped your arms around his waist and are comfortably leaning against his side and he absentmindedly runs his fingers soothingly up and down your arm to settle his own nerves.

• It’s peacefully silent, simply enjoying one another’s company before he hears your muffled sniffles indicating you’ve fallen asleep and a soft smile graces his lips. If you were his, then he’d definitely kiss your forehead, and lips to be honest, but the fact you aren’t leaves him with a disappointed sigh.

• You both end up taking a nap, waking up wrapped in each other’s arms and noses practically touching which startled the Captain - Kuroo literally falling off of your bed with a yelp much to your amusement. Afterwards, he departs suggesting you get more rest, get better soon and he’ll see you at school next week.

• At least that was the plan, which altered with the text exchange the following morning.

[ Kuroo: Sharing is not caring, I wanted your snacks not your sickness! ]

[ (Y/n): RIP us. 💀 ]

[ Tetsu: You owe me one remember? I've got the house to myself this weekend so would you like to suffer together? I have blankets, entertainment and food. ]

[ (Y/n): Beats sniffling alone, I'll bring the tissues and drugs. ]

• So, you went over with a trail of sneezing in your wake and ended up snuggled with Kuroo under a blanket with a variety of games gracing the TV as you skilfully passed around the tissues. Aside from being ill, spending time like this with him was perfect.

• "Sickness: 2, (L/n) and Kuroo: 0..."

"No, Kuroo: 1.”

"How so? You K.O. a sneeze or something?"

"I got to spend the day with you didn't I? That counts as a win in my book."

"Tch careful, anyone would think the Scheming Captain cares~"

"I do smartass, I care about you a lot (Y/n)..."

Miya Atsumu:

• Atsumu wasn't one to act needy in any way, the only excuse for him to contact you in regards to your absence was to do it with a remark and hope you'd elaborate.

[ Atsumu: Yo, are ya ditching me to survive English on my own? That's cold (Y/n) 😭 ]

[ (Y/n): Sorry 'Tsumu, I'm too busy dying to care rn. Have a fun missing me loser. ]

[ Atsumu: Hah you wish, you alright tho? ]

• You're good friends but he's never really expressed genuine concern about you before, not verbally anyway. You thought the final "K" after you'd told him you were gonna rest would be the end of it.

So you were beyond surprised when he rocked up to your house later that evening.

• It took everything you had not to mock him for his embarrassed stature, solely flustered by the fact you'd seen him so considerate. Admittedly you were also exhausted and probably couldn't think of a snarky reply anyway.

• "What's up? Was there homework or - ugh, or something?"

"Huh? Oh I dunno. But uh, I got 'Samu to make you some Okayu, and a Umeboshi Tea since it's good for colds and stuff."

• Totally pestered Osamu all day to help him make you something and had to do stupid favours in return but Atsumu will deny it if you ever ask.

• “I love how you don’t care what you look like when you have guests over.”

“Take your stupid backhanded compliments and shove them up your pretty litt-“ You bite back, flipping him off in the process while Atsumu remains proudly victorious.

“Nah ah, is that any way to speak to the man who brought you dinner?”

“It’s the way to speak to the man whose currently annoying me.”

“You’re welcome, this is revenge for ditching me in class gorgeous~”

• Despite how irritating he could be, Atsumu stuck around for a bit to make sure you ate everything he’d brought and taken the appropriate medication.

• “Oh yeah, I brought that movie you were talking about the other day. Figured it might pass the time a bit.”

“Thank you! I’ll give it back once I’m better - thank you so much ‘Tsumu.”

Your excitement was endearing, and he had to collect himself a bit since admiring such little quirks was out of the question - his crush was bad enough as it is.

“Wanna watch it now? I haven’t got anything to do so I can give you spoilers.”

“Sounds good - and not a word!”

• You spent the afternoon watching the film and playfully wrestling the blonde in order to shut him up whenever he made an attempt to spoil it - he would never, but provoking you was too funny.

• You settle down later on, putting on a mindless tv show for background noise before collapsing onto your bed with groan. Atsumu raising a smug brow at your exhausted state as he threw his jacket on.

• "Wanna sleep with me?" It was innocent, at least you didn’t think much of it then.

"Do I what now?" He was smirking, thankful that your panic left you oblivious to the blush crawling up his neck at the mere insinuation alone.

"Sleep wit- ohh I did not think that through! I meant sleep in my bed, next to me, to help me drift off. Maybe it's the sleepiness or medicine but I really want you Atsumu..."

"Not helping your case at all." Again he smugly responded, dropping his jacket to the floor with a sly smile.

"Stop smirking and just hug me okay? Then you can leave and tease me about this later."

• Atsumu isn't awkward about it, subduing his nerves enough to pull you into his arms as he sits up - dutifully ignoring the butterflies in his stomach due to your close proximity and the intoxicating smell of your hair.

• Atsumu becomes unintentionally soft, his fingers slowly begin to glide through your hair and he hesitates when he feels the hum of contentment you release before continuing. Your whole body just relaxes against his and he subconsciously does the same, not even realising he was this tense around you - was his body always like that in your general presence?

• As you start quietly talking about nothing and everything, he notices a weakness - you’re a lot more open when drowsy and god he wants to take advantage but knows you’ll remember the questions he asked and murder him for it when you’re able.

• Intead he attempts to protect any dignity he thinks he has left with you - jokes on him, it’s absolutely none. You guys are way past that level and he knows it.

“You better get healthy quick, not that I care but English is really borin’ on my own ya know?”

"The people you truly care about must be really lucky to have you 'Tsumu..." The mumble is enough to make him roll his eyes, but he waits until you’re asleep to reply.

"Yeah... you are..."

<——————————<<<<

[ Masterlist ]

[af1899]

FEH — Calendar for Nov/2021 is out + own thoughts and plans

(Twitter thread)

The calendar for the month is finally out, and we can plan ahead for who/what I want to pull on, as well as look out for other potentially interesting events.

I'll dump my own plans and thoughts as per usual below the cut, feel free to read on.

Banners

I didn't include links and mentions from the leaks' contents, in case you're avoiding those.

From the looks of it, the dates are still the same for my timezone, but I've read that'll change starting next calendar for some months, due to the Daylight Savings.

Anyway, as it turns out, Ryoma was indeed our next Resplendent Hero, he looks good, but I care very little about him, so I didn't make the usual thought post — but Ryoma being the next Resplendent upgrade candidate means that the leak for the whole month is turning out to be true, it's still soon to say it's trustworthy, but I'm assuming it is to motivate myself to keep saving, as there wouldn't be anything of interest coming for the remainder of November.

The only banner I'm worried about is [Heroes with Bonfire], there are 14 sources in the regular pool but only 3 will comprise the banner itself, and among them is Idoun (best girl 💜🙏🏻), if she's there (extremely unlikely doubtfully but who knows), I'll try to aim for at least one merge, otherwise I'm hard skipping this month; I even had to pass up on the other 3 tempting red stones from the monthly refines banner, Summer Tana doesn't need merges right away and I think pulling on her home banner would be best.

There's also yet another {Double Special Heroes} banner coming... what's with I.S. breaking patterns? That should come out every 2 months. 🤨

Anyway, last time we got a rerun for an assortment of seasonals released this year, from the Valentine's banner to the Young Heroes one, the next banner... well, here are my guesses, just what remains of some of the thematics that appeared in the previous one:

Red

→ Duo Young Eirika+Ephraim

→ Bridal Shanna

Blue

→ Bridal Juno

→ Young Lyon

Green

→ Spring Inigo

→ Summer Caspar

Colorless

→ Summer Duo Hilda+Marianne

→ Groom Saul

...

Hm... assuming I got it right, I'd pick colorless, but unlike last time, we'll need to wait two weeks for the banner reveal, maybe less if it's datamined and shared, but as I've expressed before, these banners are [Orb] scavengers, so I'll skip it in the end.

The New Heroes were also leaked, of which none are my interest (again, assuming the leaks are true).

So yeah, gonna save and see what's in store this month.

Events

Just the usual without much of interest.

[Heroes Journey] (three days) and [Pawns of Loki] (two days) will run once like past months, [Røkkr Sieges] is also coming back and starting today, it's a fun game mode with rather acceptable reward value, but I don't have much motivation to aim for the top in my world, I'll just waste whatever [Stamina] and score as well as I can like usual.

We'll get [Limited Hero Battles] soon, perhaps I'll feel inspired to record a video of my own solution of an abyssal map unless it covers Three Houses units, of which I have very little and stand no chance.

Palla and Catria also get their [Bound Hero Battle], since it's the first run, I'm guessing their banner will have Est as the last unit? Minerva would fit too, but not as well. Either way, it reminded me Palla — best Whitewing! — is +9 among my projects, I'm looking forward to finish merging her.

No free unit will get a rerun after Veld until maybe later next month, but we'll get a few new maps and free units, the next New Heroes are also coming early next month, we can expect the next [Feh Channel] by then, to announce the theme for [Book VI], among the usual celebratory stuff and whatever, I'm quite thrilled to find out what's in store.

So... overall?

I think it's an average month without much of interest (not even the themed banners hold much of interest barring the [Bonfire] one), if you've seen the leaks, chances are you won't be as thrilled for which Heroes you'll see later on, and I can see that, specially since now it's gaining credibility so I don't feel the same thrill but I like planning ahead when given the resources... maybe the fodder will be interesting at least? Who knows, but I plan to skip all along.

Anyway, that's it for me, take care and thanks for reading!

[theparanormalperiodical]

French Nuns And Newspaper Clippings: The Real Stories That Inspired The Exorcist (1973)

The year is 1632.

We are in a remote commune in Northern France. The situation is bleak: an outbreak of plague has started snatching lives again, and King Louis XIII is ordering the walls around Loudon to be torn down. The locals are more divided than ever.

But things are about to get worse.

Way worse.

The local nuns are beginning to act strange.

It started when one young nun claimed she had a vision of a dead priest. Suddenly, all 17 clergywomen are reporting similar visions. They then begin cussing, shouting, and displaying more and more aggressive behaviour.

17th century nuns do not act like this.

Oh no, this was something unholy. This was demonic possession.

331 years later, this little-known historic tale would feature as one of the main inspirations behind horror’s most iconic movie.

Yep, the film that still gives you nightmares of young girls walking down stairs crustacean-style is based on a true story. But it’s worse than that. It’s based on two tales of alleged possession, several real-life people, and a demon many still worship today.

*nopes the f*ck out*

Let’s Talk About The Exorcist

Let me just clarify something: the exorcist is not the creepy, possessed ‘lil girl. An exorcist is a person that performs exorcisms - so here, it’s the priests.

The Exorcist was originally a book written by William Peter Blatty. Adapted to a film series (and a TV show) starting 2 years later, they both shared a close plotline. Well, to begin with, anyway.

A statue of a demon is found in an archaeological dig of northern Iraq. The discovery unleashes a mysterious spirit/demon/god called Pazuzu. On the other side of the world, a young girl begins exhibiting strange behaviour. Regan, a typical 12-year-old American girl, refuses to eat or sleep and becomes aggressive. All the while, strange things happen around the house.

The doctors provide no answers to her behaviour, so the mother of the supposedly-ill child turns to religion instead. She finds help in the form of a priest who is experiencing a crisis of faith and consequently doesn’t believe this is demonic possession. But a couple chats with the girl convinces him that yep, she’s bunged up with a demon. So, he asks the bishop if he can perform an exorcism. A priest fresh off that dig in Iraq is shipped over and they get to work. During the final exorcism, one of the priests opts to save the possessed girl by asking the demon to possess them instead. The possessed priest chucks himself out of the window and as he falls to his death, regains his faith in God.

The Exorcist is one of the most famous horror films - if not, the most iconic - of all time, from the traumatic FX makeup of a possessed Regan to sequences ‘80s America wasn’t ready for.

But The Exorcist was not a stand alone film. Contrary to popular belief, what followed was 4 (soon to be 5) sequels ‘n’ prequels that unravelled a deep, dramatic plotline. There’s a reason we don’t hear about them.

In the following films we see the aftermath of Regan’s exorcism and emerging doubts about whether she was in fact really possessed. Political and theological themes rise to the surface, looking deeper at the priests that conducted the exorcism rather than the victim. At the same time we take part in an archeological dig, meet a serial killer, and get a front row seat to a battle during WW2.

It’s a wild ride. But this ride is brimming with reality.

Blatty directly cited inspiration from a number of sources, most famously the 1949 demonic possession of Roland Doe that he first heard when studying at Georgetown University. But he has also claimed that many of the characters who navigated the possession of Regan were based on real people.

Take Father Merrin, the exorcist leading the exorcism: he was based on a British archaeologist that excavated the caves where the Dead Sea Scrolls (ancient manuscripts written in Hebrew) had been found.

But the nature of the exorcism that filled out a majority of the film were informed by the work for Father William S Bowdern, a Jesuit priest who exorcised Roland Doe himself.

However, it wasn’t just the mortals that were inspired by real, historic figures.

Pazuzu Is An Actual Worshipped Demon

Without Pazuzu, there would be no possession. Without Pazuzu, there would be no exorcism, nor the need for an exorcist.

We only see the demon in flashes - but these moments inherit a history that takes us back as far as 3500BC. Pazuzu was an ancient Mesopotamian or Assyro-Babylonian god that was the king of the demons of the wind. He brought storms and drought, and although recognised as an evil spirit, he also drove away other evil spirits. He strives to protect us from plagues and misfortunes, and his rival, Lamashtu, causes harm to mother and baby during childbirth.

He is known as both a demon and a god, but in The Exorcist is recognised more as the former.

We do catch a couple glimpses of Pazuzu, but we only see his face clearly when he begins to take over young Regan. The pasty white face and blood red eyes don’t fit ancient lore: Pazuzu is traditionally depicted as having the head of a lion, the body of a human, the talons of an eagle, a pair of wings, a scorpion’s tail, and a ‘serpentine penis’ (I can’t work out if this is the penis of a snake or a penis that looks like a snake and like I don’t wanna know k).

The Exorcism Of Roland Doe

It’s one of the most famous cases of possession - and we don’t even know who the victim actually was.

In 1949, American newspapers began to pick up on the story of an exorcism in Maryland. A teenage boy was at the centre of mysterious poltergeist activity after the death of his spiritualist aunt. She was the one that first introduced him to an ouija board.

After typical paranormal activity took place, priests were summoned to exorcism him. During these exorcisms, furniture began to move by itself, the boy began to attack priests with rogue bedsprings, he began to speak in an unknown voice, the mattress he lay on began to shake, and words like “evil” and “hell” began to appear in scratches upon his body.

It was a very similar state to the one Regan was in during The Exorcist.

Roland Doe (a pseudonym, obviously) to this day has remained anonymous, and - if alive - he would be 86 years old.

Despite this being the most known case of alleged possession - rivalling only that of Anneliese Michel - it has received a large dose of skepticism and debunking. The supposed location of the exorcism and some personal details of Roland Doe have been contested. Plus, many believe Doe was actually a spoiled, attention-seeking bully who simply repeated Latin phrases heard at school in order to create some elaborate prank.

Regardless of whether it was real or not, it is a landmark moment in paranormal history.

And 300 years before a 14 year old lutheran began to growl Latin at his family members, a group of women began to show similar signs of a haunting.

The Possessed Affair Of Loudon And Aix-en-Provence

I’ve already introduced you to the possessed nuns of Loudon. But it turns out The Exorcist also took inspiration in another French convent: Aix-en-Provence.

The nuns of Loudon pinned their possession on the demon Asmodai and gave a number of different answers as to who summoned it. Some claimed it was either a priest named Peter or Zabulon (a biblical figure). But a week after this, a man named Urbain Grandier who had amassed a lot of power and a strained reputation in the community was considered the culprit.

Soon after the nuns first exhibited strange behaviour, they were hidden away and the symptoms stopped.

The accusations levelled against Grandier were clearly inspired by political motives as he had publicly attacked the cardinal’s work and the taking down of the wall. But locals say he would appear at random in the convent with no one sure as to how he got inside. It was even claimed that he had made a pact with the devil - from which a physical contract was supposedly uncovered - and that he had attended witch’s sabbat.

The priest was executed for sorcery and given ‘the boot’ (a method of torture).

Loudon and Aix-en-Provence are considered cases that fit in well with wider witch trials taking place across western Europe in the 17th century. The possession of the Ursuline nuns of Aix-en-Provence were similar to that of Loudon - but were just a tad more mental.

20 years before Grandier was convicted, a young woman, Madeleine de Demandolx, confessed to the superior of the convent that she had been intimate with the local priest. She was sent away to Aix-en-Provence to get some distance but soon began to do some rather out-of-character things.

She would have convulsions and soon the other nuns began to do the same. It appeared to be contagious.

But things got hella weird when the nuns gathered together in a holy cave that Mary Magdalene was meant to have once lived in (Sainte-Baume) to be exorcised. Instead of just shaking, they all tried to outdo each other in symptoms of possession.

Once would cuss fervently; another would speak in a deep, demonic voice.

A political story soon unravelled full of accusations, executions, and even Madeleine being released from jail at 77 for her alleged witchcraft.

So - are you ever going to watch The Exorcist after this?

(Me neither.)

If you liked this post, go on and let me know with a like ‘n’ a reblog. And if you want to hear somethin’ spooky every Saturday, go on and hit follow!

[nattspencer]

In case of boredom - Part 2

Missy x Reader

Part 1 / Part 2 (you’re here) / Part 3 - Complete

Summary: The reader was always intrigued by the Time Lady. When she jumps into the TARDIS, the readers decided to write a little novel to take her out of boredom, putting little annoying riddles as a password to each file.

A/N: English is not my first language, therefore I’m really sorry for any mistakes, let me know about them. I’m also very sorry for taking so long, I planned to post part 2 as the final part, but the whole file was already 7k+ words, so today I decided to split it in two. Part 3 won’t take that long to be released. Don’t forget to let me know your thoughts about this, it really motivates me.

Warnings: Super fluffy with tiny bits of angst

Word count: 3k

Not my GIF

     When you first started the book project, you never imagined that it would result in an almost constant flirting with an alien maniac, exceptionally on the most awkward moments. You still could remember when this happened for the first time, it was exactly the next day that she pinned you on the corridor, you were just sipping some tea entering quietly in the console room, in the corner, you saw Nardole babbling with Bill about some weird tech thing. Mr. Eyebrows, in another hand, was tingling his fingers on the ship’s control panel hoping to find somewhere interesting to go and Missy was at his side, intensely looking at a monitor with some wires scattered on the table, her sight soon fell over your figure and mischief popped up on her face. This couldn’t be good. 

      “Y/N, you really should drink this tea in another room, the way you’re clenching so deliciously this pretty lips of yours around this mug is really distracting me” She said with a smirk scanning you from tip to toe with her eagle eyes.       “Missy!” The Doctor warned with his raising eyebrows.       “Only me drinking a little tea it’s already distracting you, sweetie? You really must be in need, maybe, if you behave nicely, I can do you a little favor later” You winked slightly and left the room towards the kitchen, but you could see from your peripheral vision all the jaws dropping, no one expected your reaction to being like that. Soon you heard some steps coming behind you.       “Girl, where did all that boss energy came from?” Bill asked you giggling while she took a glass of water.       “First, shy people also can be sassy, second I always told you I am not as innocent as I look and more importantly third, she challenged me! I couldn’t let her embarrass me that easily, if she wants to play, then let’s play”       “Mate, she is a mass murderer, do you really wanna pick HER to flirt with?” She asked with an arched eyebrow.       “Considering we are constantly away traveling with aliens and both of us are lesbians which are not even a little attracted to each other, what other people would you suggest?” You both laugh.       “I admit we are not the ones with billions of options but still, really?”       “Well, I don’t think she is that bad, not anymore, I really do believe that there’s good in her, deep down there, she just needs to learn how to externalize it. Also, that’s not a flirt flirt, it’s a joke type flirt!”        “Y/N, she seriously suggested putting me on a brain dead state, and do you really think that she is GOOD?”       “I know the brain dead thing wasn’t very nice, but at least she tried to help, and as I said, she doesn’t know how to externalize it. Also, she never tried to get you killed again, did she? Just give her another chance, please? I think she is really trying, otherwise she would already flee a really long time ago”        “Fine, but I’m only doing it because I really trust in your abilities to read people, however, don’t expect me to suddenly treat her as my best friend, I will just be open in case she just want to talk to me as a decent being”        “That’s all I’m asking for” You smiled “See, you don’t judge me to try helping an intergalactic murder to be good and I don’t judge you for still thinking about a certain cute puddle”       “Hey! A puddle and a murder are really different things okay, and also, now that you put it out loud, what’s wrong with us?” You busted in guffaws. Soon, The Doctor called you two out to a new adventure, which you rushed into.       Your whole body was complaining to you when you came back to the blue box, all your muscles were sorely overused and you decided that you deserved a really long hot bath before feeding your Time Lady with a brand new book chapter and riddle. After your relaxing moment, you got your file and rushed to the library, but unlike the other days, it was not empty. Three heads could be seen around the laptop, still, none of them seemed to notice your presence.        “Was this always there in the computer?” The Doctor asked with frowned eyebrows.       “I don’t think so, it’s incomplete, and it really looks like something Y/N would write” Bill answered simply.       “She writes? And that well? I didn’t know that” Nardole confessed.       “Yeah, she is an amazing writer! Once I saw her writing and begged her to let me read since then she always showed me some of her work, I think she is just a bit shy about it”       “So you knew about this?” The Time Lord asked again       “No… She didn’t tell me about this one, I just found it by accident”        “So you’re telling us that probably we shouldn’t be reading this?” Nardole’s voice shook a bit.       “Yeah… maybe we shouldn’t…” Bill admitted with a guilty look.       “Actually” You said, making everyone’s head turn to you “There’s no problem for you to read it at all” You smiled and relief was painted on the three faces “Bill was also right, I am in fact a bit shy about my work, always tend to show to people in anonymous mode, however, she really made me gain confidence with her reactions” You said walking towards them.       “You’re a genius! You just didn’t realize that”        “Indeed a very talented young writer’ The ancient replied with a kind smile.       “Agreed” Nardole raised his two thumbs up.       “Thank you, I try my best” You giggled.       “Why didn’t you told me about this before?”        “Because I didn’t write that for you, actually, it was for someone else” You revealed shyly.       “Someone else?”       “She means me, pet” The Time Lady’s cold voice was suddenly heard and everyone turned glancing at her.        “You were secretly writing for Missy?” Bill was really confused.       “She was bored! And also very lonely! I couldn’t just sit down not doing nothing about it” You vehemently justified.       “Watch it kitty, you don’t want to make The Doctor jealous” She smiled wickedly “Also, I might say I’m really disappointed, I really do enjoy being exclusive, you’ll have to work harder”        “Good girls know how to share, Mistress, besides, now you have partners to discuss your theories with”        “I doubt that discussing with them would be any constructive” She answered with an arched eyebrow.       “Who knows” You shrugged “Maybe you’re wrong, maybe I am, or maybe that would make you see the plot from a different perspective, that maybe could make you get to the right answer”        “Don’t get jealous Missy, this might be fun” The Doctor teased.       “Fine, but you three better no be boring, or I will hide this computer and kidnap Y/N” She finally said, annoyed.       “Did you guys read it all?”        “Yeep, where is the next chapter?” Bill said excitedly.       “Alright, about the next chapter, there is a thin” Reluctance filled your voice.       “What thing?” Nardole asked.       “It needs to be unlocked, there’s a little riddle as the password and before you ask, I want to establish a rule, only Missy can solve them, alone, without any help. This whole thing was mainly created just to keep her busy, so I think it’s fair to keep that exclusively to her”        “It’s fine for me” Bill said and the others nodded agreeing with her. You could see a victorious smile rising on the Time Lady’s lips, she really enjoys being treated uniquely.        “Great! Now let me put the next file on the computer. We can read the next chapter tomorrow night after our usual universe walks when we are all tired and Missy would probably already have solved it” You glanced at the Time Lady with a suggestive look, and only you two knew that you were mocking her about the four days delay.       “One day it’s more than enough for me, poppet” She reassured with a threatening smile.       “I’m sure it is” You said finally putting the files on the right place “There it is, all yours, have fun, Mary Poppins”        “Mary Poppins? You’re getting bold, puppy” She said with a playful glance.       “What? Do you really think you’re the only one able to set nicknames?”        “Mr. Eyebrows is there to reassure what she said” Bill confirmed.       “Hey! I think we were over from the Mr. Eyebrows thing!” The Doctor exclaimed annoyed.       “We are never over from Mr. Eyebrows thing” Nardole said giggling.       “That’s new, I’ll include that to my personal vocabulary, feel honored Y/N”        “My pleasure”        “There’s a plot against me now?” The Time Lord said.       “Only to annoy you” Nardole uttered.       Since then, it became a routine and soon, you were already midway towards the end of the story. In the beginning, the post-reading reunions were kinda weird, it took a while to work your chemistry and put the pieces together, but eventually, it worked, and you didn’t know if you were relieved or worried, because they were getting closer to the right answer every time. Missy was often the one picked to read it out loud, and you were really surprised, but also very honored to know that she appreciated your tale so much that she would gladly read it twice. While they got to know the new events, you were away finishing the next chapter, only joining in when everything was set and done. Now you were all seated on the floor in a big odd circle, babbling around. Bill’s half-asleep head was resting on your lap, while you massaged her scalp.       “Well, the talking is really great, but I need to check on a little experiment that I’m doing in the lab, might blow up if I don't” Nadole said, lifting up.       “And I think I really should go to bed, but Y/N melted all my limbs” Laziness filled Bill’s voice.       “What can I do, I’m ace in doing massages”       “Oh, don’t be full of yourself, puppet, it doesn’t suit you” Missy teased.       “No need to get jealous, I can massage your scalp too if you want” You smiled “I just thought that if I get my hand anywhere near your hair it would result in a painful death”       “Quite true, don’t you dare dishevel my hair without my permission, however, I’ll wash it in a few moments, so I think I can have a trial of what you call massage when you’re free”       “Her hands does wonders, you’ll see” Bill pleased “I’m seriously thinking in just getting a pillow from the sofa and just sleep right here”        “Oh, not in a million years, you’ll gonna complain non stop later about how your back hurts, I’m taking you to your bed right now, young lady, let’s go” The Doctor said already getting up and extending his hands to Bill, who got on her feet lazily. Soon, they disappeared through the ship.        “Lap’s free, next customer, please” You joked tapping your thighs.       “You better be good, pet, I’m very caring towards my hair” She said laying down her head comfortably on your legs.       “Don’t worry, you deserve my very best” Your hands carefully untied her brown curls and started a pleasant massage on her scalp.       “I noticed what you did, you know” After some minutes she broke the silence. Her eyes were closed, and her face was more relaxed than you even saw.       “What do you mean?” You asked lightly.       “Your characters, they are related to us, aren’t they?”        “Yes, they are. Although, it was meant for you to find out”        “And you didn’t bother in telling me that bit?”        “Nah, I knew you would find it anyway” Her eyelids opened. Beautiful stunning blue eyes were staring at you with slightly dilated pupils “It was my way to try helping you”        “Um… cheeky. So that’s the way you see me? See the motivation behind my change?”       “Yeah, I think so. I suppose you and The Doctor are kinda the same in the end, both of you so very alone. He found comfort in us, companions, friends, but you, you’re too afraid of being hurt, too afraid to let someone in, and then suddenly they’re gone, so you found comfort in destroying things and people in a desperate attempt to fill up your superiority complex, doing whatever you want in order to actually feel something, actually like yourself, to feel greater, but I don’t think that it could fill you anymore… It got boring… So you thought about your oldest friend in the universe, the only one that would never truly leave you, and you knew that turning “good” and going by his terms was only one way to become friends with him again. What you didn’t expect, however, was that you grew kinda fond of the non-Gallifreyan part of the ship”

      “You really think that you’re clever, don’t you?” 

      “Well, I might not have the knowledge of a centuries-old Time Lord, but in terms of people, I know quite a bit. Other than a marvelous observer, back on the earth, I’m in the last year of Psychology college”

      “That explains quite a bit… So the post-reading reunions thing, was it all part of your plan? To make me belong?” She said sitting up lazily.

      “To be honest, I just figured that out along the way and hoped for the best. I’m not that good with plans, not in the way you are, I’m more the improviser type. Actually, I think we all are, you have to be if you’re traveling with a stupid old man” You shrugged and a soft smile painted your lips.

      “Thank you” Her voice was tiny, but you could see the fondness and gratitude behind those pale blue eyes, but also, there was a hint of fear, and then, you understood. 

      “You’re more than welcome, twisted Mary Poppins” You answered planting a light-loving kiss on her forehead “Now, you really should go to bed, I can see how much you enjoyed my massage” 

      “Yeah, you’re not that bad”

      “A compliment! That’s new. You really must be sleepy”

      “Oh, shut up!” You two giggled.

      A few moments later, you were in your room, alone, staring at the ceiling, lost in thoughts. You were really falling for Missy, and terribly fast. If you think mathematically, you could spend the rest of your life with her, but she would always have to face your loss at some point, and something tells you that not a lot of planets would like to suffer her rage. Probably, the best choice would be to just stand by her side her as a friend, never truly telling her your feelings, and never really connecting the way you wished. Loving a Time Lord was loving the stars themselves, too big and too flaming hot to get close. Furthermore, you couldn’t imagine her falling back for you since you’re just a silly brief human.

      One day, The Doctor decided that it was time to test how Missy would behave outside the ship and between other people, no distress calls, no danger, just a normal calm place to start with baby steps. Of course, a companion was needed to fulfill her simple task, visit a local fair, and walk someone through the alien stuff, very Doctor-ish indeed. She could take all three of you but he didn’t want to push her this hard, so Mr. Eyebrows asked if you could go with the Time Lady since you are quite close to her, and you agreed right away. Quickly, you two were stepping out of the TARDIS and started to wander off around the tents, while the Time Lord seated comfortably in front of the monitor eating crisps.

      “Those ones are sonic mines, well, they were, all junk now. But you wouldn’t like to meet one of them when they blow, they disrupt your internal organic stability while stir up the exterior environment” Missy explains 

      “Sounds painful”

      “Nah, it’s so fast that you barely have time to feel” She replies simply when something catches her attention “Oh!! Orphan 89 jewels! What a nice planet that was!” Missy’s excited voice was heard while she ran towards an old tent.

      “Really?” The two of you now were staring the shining ornaments

      “Yes, polite people, awesome beaches, three suns that turned the sky purple when they set, also four moons and a very starry sky in the night”

      “What happened?”

      “Didn’t you get it?” An evil smile danced on her lips “I said polite people, and polite people are always boring” 

      “You destroyed the planet, didn’t you?”

      “Old days, old faces… I wasn’t this nice all the times you know” She shrugged and resumed walking aimlessly.

      “Did you regret it?” You asked with a tiny voice, almost scared of the answer

      “Hearing their screams were once very satisfactory, but now… now I’m not so sure” Missy admitted avoiding your gaze. You walked side by side while an awkward silence took place, and then, when your eyes glanced at an area filled with something that really looked like snow, you had an idea.

      “Run with me” You broke the silence

      “What?” She frowned

      “I said: Run. With. Me” Your orbs were full of mischief 

      “But you don’t even know the surroundings, we might get lost”

      “That’s quite the objective, honey, come on!” 

      “Are you completely bonkers?”

      “Whoops, I think you’re getting contagious” Missy cracked a little genuine smile, and you couldn’t be more proud. She opened her mouth to protest again when you immediately  said with pedant’s eyes “Trust me”

       “’m so gonna regret this… If The Doctor ever get cross about it I’m blaming you, little girl”

      “Blame is on me” You raised your hands in surrender “Now, let’s go?” You extend your hand and she catches it right away with a tiny authentic smile painting her lips, your feet begin to run.

[shaechans]

a shaechans fic: unexpected company

to: somni ( @insomni-writing​ ) a merry christmas to you somni!!! anddddd i’ve been your secret santa all this time ahhh i hope you’re surprised. maybe a little???? anyway, apologies in advance cause this is not that good and quite rushed (you may see a few edits after i’ve published ahhh but please pay no mind thanks<3) but i hope you like this. i wrote about a uh uh surprise trope and i know you like horror but i’m not good at those:(( so i wrote this. i also posted a moodboard for this (and one for you special;)) on my other account @a5ahiboyz so check it out!! small note at the end as well yee i talk too much

pairing: lee haechan x somni

genre: strangers! au, fluff, a little angst towards the end and in the middle, kinda boring:((

word count: 3.2k it was supposed to be 2.5k ahhhhhhh

warnings: like one swear word

the evening wasn’t going well for somni. ironic seeing how she was always one to get things done her way or it wasn’t considered an accomplishment to her. but today was...different. it was the day she had met a fellow, claimed master criminal lee haechan.

lee haechan, or by birth, donghyuck—something somni would prefer calling him just to see him clench fists—would be your definition of next door boy. friendly, the type to reach out for cookies with a mischievous grin kinda tune. he carries a lovely, bubbly energy every time he shows his face and is the neighborhood's pride and, at this point, only hope! and he was happy to be so. 

except for the fact that he was an evil genius.

thursday, 24th december  21:11pm

flipping through the fiction section of the bookstore, somni let out a sigh seeing the stock of last ones left alive, a book she had been aching to get her hands on, diminishing each day she’d visit the store. she was running out of motivation to actually get a job, like she had considered a few days, and/or steal anything seeing how she wouldn’t be able to afford it anyway.

sighing yet again, she got herself ready to walk back to her ‘house’. rubbing her palms and blowing hot air into them she prepared for the cold and harsh wind to hit her out of her senses again. as she thought of a hot chocolate to warm her system, a certain book caught her eye from the new release section. turning back around, somni rushed over to read through the summary at the back.

all too focused on the book, she missed to hear the last call for the last of customers at the store. and when she did get back to her senses, she heard the last of the keys jingling as the owner locked the store. somni’s head whipped in the direction of the main door, as she made a run for the door, eyes widening to saucers in realization.

after a minute or so of banging and yanking at the door knob, somni let go, sliding down the door before regretting as the cold wind from the loose end of the door nipped at her skin. she sighed loudly at the thought of spending the night in this cold nightmare of a store. alone. until she heard a voice on the other, back end of the store. picking up a book near her as defense, somni carefully walked over, curiosity getting the best of her.

“um hello-AHHAHHHHHHHHKASJAKJHSSJ” the figure keyboard smashed as somni ran over, in an attack stance before smacking the shadow across the head. the mysterious person was now unconscious on the floor as somni panicked over her actions. the person would come to be the very famous, lee haechan!

somni was born to loving parents and got everything she ever wanted. except she could never be satisfied with whatever it was she did receive. don’t get the girl wrong, what she demanded would be given at her feet, but unfortunate for her parents, as easily satisfied she was, twice the dissatisfaction she would spit. it wasn’t until her father snapped at her and abandoned her by the family cottage just 2 miles away from home. but then again, it wasn’t like somni planned on going back home anyway.

and that’s when the idea of theft inspired somni for the “better”.

thursday, 24th december  21:23pm

it had been a little over fifteen minutes to haechan’s passing out, when somni had managed to find water from the storeroom of the bookstore. cradling water—ice cold water, to which she flinched first but then overcame the numbness—from the now tilted bottle on her left hand into her right, as she straight up splashed water on his face. and when he didn’t respond to that, panicking, tilted the bottle upside down, the water drenching his face and shirt.

at that, the boy gasped sharply, shooting up straight like, similar to his widened from when he experienced literal ice cubes fall on his skin. the two stared at each other for a minute, haechan in utter shock and somni in relief/concern from recovering from the fact that she didn’t murder.

somni was first to turn away, exhaling breath she didn’t she had held. “thank GOD you aren’t dead! i couldn’t be with another one” “whAT?” “NOTHING!” somni yelled, turning around and standing up to get away quickly from the wet and cold scene. haechan needed a few extra minutes to process the situation before getting to his feet too and following her to the main door.

“what are you doing?” jumping slightly and holding onto her heart, somni rolled her eyes as she took note of his presence and choosing to ignore his question, she continued to try her luck unscrewing the door with a hard covered book. that went on for five minutes before she gave up and clicked her tongue, and went on a search to find another tool.

haechan could only watch her move around, hands behind his back as his eyes rested onto the tops of the dusty bookshelves. “do they seriously not clean those? christ!” he exclaimed, pulling out a tissue from his jean pocket and climbing to reach the top part of the shelf.

a loud thud and hard covered books falling was what brought somni out of her trance from staring at the toolbox, in a dilemma with what to choose, her indecisiveness kicking in at a wrong time. running out to see a haechan piled under heavy looking books, somni stifled a laugh before trying to steady her voice “are you okay??”

to see how true of an evil genius haechan would reveal later to be what somni would come to realization a little late. to somni, haechan was a comforting sign that destruction would still present itself in the oblivious way and it made her feel a little less lonely than she would on the daily. so much comfort that it was almost like he was following her. following her enough to know that she needed a reassurance of the other evil present in the world.

somni would start low, with convenience stores and slowly then work her way up to malls and finally, her one and only love: the bookstore round the corner. the smell of newly fresh printed pages—which she would walk by simply to get motivated with her next convenience store raid—is what somni would call motivation. which is why she was currently trapped in a bookstore, past their closing time (as she knew), with her new bestie<33, the one and the only, lee haechan.

thursday, 24th december  21:57pm

“so what exactly were you doing doing here?” somni let the question hang onto the dry silence that was meant to be broken anyway. the pair moved over to the floor after somni helped and laughed and cleaned the books off him and out of the way. somni having given up on finding a way out at this point, the surroundings being too cold for her to stand solo.

at this haechan pondered for a bit, before answering “i was on the look for this one book, a series of them actually. my aunt asked, to which i’ve already forgotten the title” he paused to roll his eyes and look through his previous messages, presumably from said aunt.

“percy jackson and the olympians” shrugging as he announced, he clicked his phone ‘off’ before looking to somni, who managed to resist a sequel as he confirmed the title. that being understandable as it was her favouritest book of all time! haechan eyed her, eyebrow raising when she covered her mouth, trying her best to hide the grin etching onto her face.

“what’s with your reaction?” “oh it’s just i-” somni started before thinking; why on earth do i have to let him know. he’s just a stranger after all. she didn’t even know his name.

she didn’t even know his name.

“uh what did you say your name was again??” somni raised her brow at the boy, watching his eyes slowly widened a bit realising they hadn’t introduced themselves. he stuck out his hand, a boxy grin present as he introduced himself “i’m lee donghyuck! but everyone calls me haechan because donghyuck’s too….formal for me.” somni nodded once, before reaching out to shake his hand “i’m somni! it’s nice meeting you donghyuck” she winked at him as he groaned, causing her to stick out her tongue playfully at him.

donghyuck grew up in a family of four sisters and one twin brother. the seven of them lived contently with their father’s pay as police commissioner and mother as a lawyer—training currently for magistrate judge. however, their parents were quite conservative with family traditions and obedience. so when one of donghyucks’ older sisters came out to them as pansexual, she was banished from entering the house. this quick and stern change startling the rest and so they started to fulfill and satisfy with whatever their parents wished for them today.

all except donghyuck.

of course he was scared out of wits even at the thought of running away but after his twin convinced him to do it with him, donghyuck trusted him. and so one night, six year old donghyuck ran away. alone. his twin having ditched out of last minute thoughts. finding shelter in a nearby house down the street, turning to the first house he could. the couple thinking he was in trouble decided to take him in. before he knows, he’s staying with them for years and suddenly he’s eighteen and he goes off to his first day of university. 

and then he meets his father.

thursday, 24th december  22:17pm

“why do you even like that book?” haechan asked, a disgusted look taking over his features as somni reached out to smack his leg slightly. “it’s not just a book!! it’s a journey” “jOuRneY” they said in unison, haechan mockingly as he rolled his eyes, chuckling slightly at somni’s offended expression.

since they had no other work to do, the two decided to at least clean the store while haechan was on the lookout for the percy jackson book series his aunt had requested for. somni had let the boy know that she had seen it earlier and was ecstatic to lead the way to them. while she did so, she also rambled on and on about how exciting the books are and how he should give them a try, to which haechan could only ignore.

silence took over after somni had finished summarizing the basic structure of the series when haechan asked the question somni had been dreading to hear “isn’t your family gonna be worried?” minutes of cold emptiness went by before haechan interrupted “uh...hello? are you okay??” he asked, and as somni could see from the corner of eye, worriedly. after taking in her wordless response—and a visible gulp—haechan dropped the question.

“i know mine won’t worry,” he said after a few seconds. “it’s not like they ever did” he muttered looking away. at that, he managed to get somni’s attention and continuing on “my birth parents were quite stern in their ways and so i ran away” somni gawked at this, staring at the nonchalant boy in front of her. “you ran a-away?” haechan nodded.

“when i was six” “wheN YOU WERE SIX?!!?!?” haechan’s heart sped up at her sudden increase in her volume, but nodding nonetheless. “hmm me and my twin decided to just leave. but when the time came, he ditched me so i just left by myself” he paused to search the top shelves for the books. “and obviously they didn’t come after me”.

at that, somni unintentionally reached to touch his arm as a sign of comfort. but soon removed it when haechan looked between her and her hand. sighing, somni internally debated with whether she should tell haechan of her situation or was he still yet to gain her trust. eventually she thought ‘fuck it’ and decided to tell him. what could he possibly do with the information?

somni didn’t exactly have much of a school life seeing how despite her parents paying for her fees three more years after her moving out, she was never one to mingle with people. she’d often keep to herself and just go on with whatever life threw at her. which is why she moved to theft in the first place. in order to provide for herself.

but then she was offered a job. a job at the convenience store she would raid.

having been working there long enough (two ½ years) made stealing easier for her. this way she earned her share of finance and everyday necessities. her boss was a snooze, who’d never glance over at any of the items for more that second, to realise things were missing. and in addition, somni would convince her that it was just selling well, increasing her spirits and faith in the girl. therefore not spare a thought to check cctv rolls.

thursday, 24th december  22:42pm

“i got sent away.” haechan hummed in question, heading slowly turning in her direction as they sat on the carpeted floor of the bookstore. sighing and placing her book page down, somni continued with more confidence “my parents threw my out of the house. and they were right! they had every reason to! but i” her words choked slightly, haechan looking at her with sympathy “i just miss them” she sighed finally looking up at him and after her constant eye contact with the floor, haechan was illuminating from the moon reflecting on him through the small front window.

“i’ve been an absolute brat my entire life and i can only imagine how fed up my parents were of me to actually send me away” her ramble coming to a stop when she couldn’t find words to say. the feeling of emptiness only increasing by the second within her. somni felt her tears fall when she registered haechan’s hand patting her back in reassurance.

she paid him a smile back after inhaling and exhaling to catch her senses back. he smiled back as okay before going back to reading. the precious silence lasted for a while before haechan closed his book and turned to face somni completely. “so how do you live? by yourself?? what do you do for a living? god i just need to know!!” somni raised her brow at the boy in front of her, not choosing to flinch, accustomed to his startling nature.

“well i do live by myself, i still go to school cause my parents pay for it and for a living, i steal”

and then the power tripped.

donghyuck’s new life with his parents was much easier than what he had experienced with his birth family. at first he would still be unfazed with his change in surroundings, asking permission to even go to the bathroom and bowing when the pair would confusingly agree. they would sit him down one day to explain that he needn't ask their permission to tug at their clothes to call them—to which donghyuck would look at the pair astonished at this new world.

and from then on, donghyuk was constantly loved and pampered by the old couple and it was everything he could ask for. he lived a normal life, going to school everyday and then even offering to repay his parents by working shifts at a restaurant after he would turn seventeen.

every once in a while he would run into his siblings around town but he would just walk away. it wasn’t like they were gonna recognize him anyway.

thursday, 24th december  23:24pm

somni froze. haechan had been clinging on to her arm, eyes closed shut and body trembling. his small fit went on for a while, somni being patient and even patting his back awkwardly. “i-i’m a little, tiny bit TERRIFIED of the dark” somni chuckled softly, firmly placing a hand on his back, running it up and down in comfort.

they sat there until somni tapped his hand and reached her own out for him to take “c’mon just take my hand and we’ll go find the power switch okay” haechan nodded, eyes still closed. after successfully standing up, somni walked with dragged haechan to the main switch on the other side of the store. after messing with switches carefully, somni managed to get the light back on.

she clapped her hands excitedly and turned to haechan, who was still hugging her waist. haechan looked up at her and they were close enough to have their noses touching. they stared at each other, either too frozen in place to move. somni faked a cough and cleared her throat, haechan taking the signal and moving away, standing up straight with hot pink cheeks.

friday, 25th december  00:04pm

bored out of their minds, the pair of them moved to lay on the floor, eyes boring holes into the wooden roof of the bookstore. random thoughts running wild at nothing to concentrate on. haechan was first to break the silence, gasping and sitting straight up and looking around at the clock. “it’s christmas!!!” somni soon got up too, beaming at the clock and then at haechan.

“merry christmas donghyuck” she laughed, leaning forward to hug the now sulky boy. “haha merry christmas to you somni.” the hug was soon interrupted by sirens fading into the scene. the two pulled away fast, heads whipping in the direction of the sound.

“we’ve gotta run!” “grab the books you need!” haechan stared at somni in confusion as she stood up to get her desired book. “wait wait. GRAB the books? are you gonna steal them?” somni paused to give him a look of an obvious nod. “you can’t just fucking stea-” “PUT YOUR HANDS UP WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!”

dropping the books in astonishment, the both of them throwing their hands up immediately. they were then assisted outside, shivering when coming in sudden contact with the snowy environment. somni rubbed her arms up and down as a way to provide warmth. looking around for haechan, she saw him handshaking the officer??

“ms. somni, you are under arrest for theft!” somni could not move, feet as frozen as her lips. she called out for haechan who replied with a smirk before walking over to her. “what’s up love?” “whaT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” “arresting you on the basis of theft?” he said like it was blatantly obvious.

somni gritted her teeth as he winked back at her before turning to walk away. “just wait till i get out lee donghyuk” stopping in his tracks, he turned his head slightly back, “it’s officer haechan to you”

from: nes!! wellllll hi lmao. firstly, this fucking sucks ASS. i didn’t even know what i was writing half way through and i honestly didn’t have the energy to proofread so i apologize for all the grammar mistakes:( wanna lowkey make a part two to this but let me know if this was even liable for a sequel ahhhh. anyway, have a merry christmas and i guess we’re mutuals now;)

[thebrokenblackman]

KRS-One - “Ah Yeah!”  Critical Analysis by Hakeem Ture

“If hip hop has the power to corrupt young minds, it also has the ability to uplift them.” - KRS-One 

The musician is a natural master of vibration and emotion. Many musicians have been able to make us dance. Many have been able to draw on relatability because nobody is the only person like them in the world. Perhaps some have even made us cry or provided soundtracks for intimate moments. Only few musicians have taken on the task of socially and historically educating their listeners through their music. 

Even fewer have been able to combine the mastery of teaching with mastery of rhythm. Those who do this become legends like; Nate King Cole, B.B. King, Nina Simone, Bob Marley, Chaka Khan and Fela Kuti’ and their influence lives throughout generations. In 1995 Krs-One released a self-titled album that came in the sunset of his reign. His career would mirror the sepia filter of the album cover. 

This album had dominant auras of militancy and rebellion that Krs-One fans had not heard since Boogie Down Productions - Criminal Minded. Krs-One was able to both appease his day one fans and gain the younger generation of Hip Hoppers who were listening to artists such as: Nas, Redman,Das Efx, Tupac, and A Tribe Called Quest. The message and timing of this album may have been divine. Let us look at the historical events of the year(s) Krs-One was creating this album in. In 1994, the United States congress had successfully completed the first step of becoming fascist by Voting to Censure Dr. Khalid Muhammad, National Advisor of the Nation of Islam. Bill Clinton and Joe Biden led Democrats to pass the The Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act and effectively fueled the prison industrial complex. South Africa held it first election since intergrating with the apartheid government and Invisble Man author Ralph Ellison had passed. Hip Hop was the soul vehicle of expression to protest the genocide that had been going on and KRS One was one of its leaders. The youth looked toward this leader to deliver an album reflective of their mindstate and he delivered. 

Imperative of a classic work of musical art, this album is composed of multiple great songs, but in my opinion the cornerstone song of the album is undeniably “Ah Yeah”. In this song he masterfully uses three 16 bar verses to empower and mobilize his listener much in the same way Dr. Khalid Muhammad did. This track starts with the establishment of an a capella warcry. He writes in response to western power’s having done such an incredible job destroying the rebel instinct that Afrikan people possess by publicly shaming our leaders and traditions. These lyrics are him trying to raise the psyche of a fallen warrior class and put revolt back in its holy place as opposed to the negative connotation that has been applied by the white power structure.  He essentially made a chant-like hook with an underlying message of “This is your enemy, This is how to handle him, and THIS is okay”. The aim focuses on  redirecting the accumulated anger of a traduced peoples that is often mistargeted toward self so that we may be collectively progresssive. 

He bellows:

“Ah yeah, that's whatcha say when you see a devil down

Ah yeah, that's whatcha say when you take the devil's crown

Ah yeah, stay alive all things will change around

Ah yeah, what? Ah yeah!”

Then comes the establishment of an eerie bass line. This song structure is familiar to fans of his earlier work. It was what they were longing for. For a few albums he took the perspective of being in the classroom or office as opposed to in the battlefield with his men. He had returned to fight with us like Haile Selassie. Immediately he establishes a dual level of respect. One with his men and one with his deterrent.  

“So here I go kickin' science in ninety-five

I be illin', parental discretion is advised still

Don't call me nigga, this MC goes for his

Call me God, cause that's what the black man is

Roamin' through the forest as the hardest lyrical artist

Black women you are not a bitch you're a Goddess

Let it be known, you can lean on KRS-One

Like a wall cause I'm hard, I represent God”

In the first 2 bars of the preceding excerption he lets us know he intends to drop some knowledge, but it will not be filtered for political correctness or comfortability. The following 2 bars he establishes both a tone of encounterment and identity. Then he goes on to explain from which direction he came much like Saint Maurice's appearance upon the plagued people of Europe to let them know he has navigated and he is no spook. He goes on to talk to his listener and the most important of them, the women.

In 1994, fresh off a press tour on which she gained popularity from criticizing Bill Clinton, Sister Souljah published her first book that was heralded by black scholars and youth alike entitled No Disrespect. Her Influence was cemented in the minds of black youth and played a huge role in raising generational consciousness by dealing with topics like “how the black woman is viewed by black men” and “the black woman’s role in repairing the black family structure”. She had solely been awarded leadership duties by a disregarded demographic in a scapegoated culture and was handling it with the grace of Misty Copeland.  Her and the women she raised to consciousness needed the camaraderie of Krs One. He goes on to sell to himself:

 “Wack MC's have one style: gun buck

But when you say, "Let's buck for revolution"

They shut the fuck up, can't get with it

Down to start a riot in a minute

You'll hear so many Bowe-Bowe-Bowe, you think I'm Riddick

While other MC's are talkin' bout up with hope down with dope

I'll have a devil in my infrared scope,”

In the first five bars he addresses the enemies of the oppressed people within the oppressed people. These “Wack MC’s” are the Uncle Toms’ and Judas of the rebellious, afro-centric movement that is Hip-Hop. He says they lack discipline and do not have the self awareness to rescue themselves. In comparison with himself who uses that energy toward an ultimate goal, Independence through revolution. In the succeeding excerption KRS briefly displays the cognitive processing and coping mechanism of a warrior:

“WOY

That's for calling my father a boy and, klak, klak, klak

That's for putting scars on my mother's back, BO

That's for calling my sister a ho, and for you

Buck, buck, buck  cause I don't give a motherfuck

Remember the whip, remember the chant

Remember the rope and

You black people still thinkin' about voting?

Every President we ever had lied!

You know, I'm kinda glad Nixon died.”

Throughout the preceding excerption KRS skillfully uses onomatopoeias to create a setting for his listener. There is a battle going on. Shells casings are falling to the ground and bullets are flying from high caliber weapons. He is in the thick of it and then an enemy approaches him. He musters the courage to engage with his assailant by remembering the suffrage the morals of his enemies’ elected nation-state has caused his ancestors. Then he rejoices in the death of one of their leaders, Richard Nixon.

In the second verse Krs-One addresses an age-old topic of discussion for spiritual people that was brought forth to the Afrikans of today by Noble Drew Ali, “The Prophetic Soul”. This belief dates back to ancient Buddhism in the caves of Asia taught to us by Dr. Ivan Van Sertima in his book “African Presence in Early Asia”. This belief entails that all the prophets of the world including but not limted to; Adam, Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, and himself were the same soul being reborn until its mission is completed.” Krs-One puts himself and a couple others in this divine line of being. 

“This is not the first time I came to the planet

 concern every time I come, only a few could understand it

I came as Isis, my words they tried to ban it

I came as Moses, they couldn't follow my Commandments

I came as Solomon, to a people that was lost

I came as Jesus, but they nailed me to a cross

I came as Harriet Tubman, I put the truth to Sojourner

Other times, I had to come as Nat Turner

They tried to burn me, lynch me and starve me

So I had to come back as Marcus Garvey, Bob Marley

They tried to harm me, I used to be Malcolm X

Now I'm on the planet as the one called KRS

Kickin' the metaphysical, spiritual, tryin' to like

Get with you, showin' you, you are invincible

The Black Panther is the black answer for real

In my spiritual form, I turn into Bobby Seale

On the wheels of steel, my spirit flies away

And enters into Kwame Ture”

In the beginning of the third verse he briefly continues the theme of possessing The Prophetic Soul but now, he does not speak from a perspective of being the people who had the soul. He speaks from the perspective of the soul. This soul is traveling and looking for a host. In the first two bars he speaks of how he was able to travel without detection from the government’s surveillance. Then, he goes on to finally choose a host that is relevant to the demographic of people it intends to reach. This host is stylish and his image is relatable, so the people will be receptive of his message through familiarity. 

“In the streets there is no EQ, no di-do-di-do-di-do

So I grab the air and speak through the code

The devil cannot see through as I unload

Into another cerebellum

Then I can tell em, because my vibes go through denim

And leather whatever, however, I'm still rockin”

After the prophetic soul latches on to the host, KRS-One, it manifests purpose with grassroot organization and motivational speaking. Being KRS-One founded the Stop the Violence Movement in 1988 and was solely responsible for mobilizing many of the most influential Hip Hoppers against Gang Violence and Culture he had plenty of knowledge to give on the topic.

“We used to pick cotton, now we pick up cotton when we shoppin'

Have you forgotten why we buildin' in a cypher

Yo hear me kid, government is building in a pyramid

The son of God is brighter than the son of man

The spirit is, check your dollar bill G, here it is

We got no time for fancy mathematics

Your mental frequency frequently pickin' up static

Makin' you a naked body, addict and it's democratic

They press auto, and you kill it with an automatic”

Too often credit for the creation and establishment of a culture or society is given to one person as opposed to being evenly distributed amongst the support structure. How many times have you been taught the legacy of all the men that signed the declaration of independence? It is likely that you’ve only been taught about Thomos Jefferson. Just like there would be no Fidel Castro without the parallel influences of Che Guevara and Camilo Ceinfuegos there would be no Hip-Hop without KRS ONE. Perhaps without his tenacity, passion, and will it would have been infiltrated and exploited before it reached its full maturity. If that would have happened America would not have its current number one export. In his prime most consumers who listened to his message and gazed upon his image said “OH NO!”  from fear of what they could not understand. Today, we look at his legacy of art and effort and cant help ,but smile and yell “AH YEAH!”.

“If hip hop has the power to corrupt young minds, it also has the ability to uplift them.” - KRS-One 

The musician is a natural master of vibration and emotion. Many musicians have been able to make us dance. Many have been able to draw on relatability because nobody is the only person like them in the world. Perhaps some have even made us cry or provided soundtracks for intimate moments. Only few musicians have taken on the task of socially and historically educating their listeners through their music. 

Even fewer have been able to combine the mastery of teaching with mastery of rhythm. Those who do this become legends like; Nate King Cole, B.B. King, Nina Simone, Bob Marley, Chaka Khan and Fela Kuti’ and their influence lives throughout generations. In 1995 Krs-One released a self-titled album that came in the sunset of his reign. His career would mirror the sepia filter of the album cover. 

This album had dominant auras of militancy and rebellion that Krs-One fans had not heard since Boogie Down Productions - Criminal Minded. Krs-One was able to both appease his day one fans and gain the younger generation of Hip Hoppers who were listening to artists such as: Nas, Redman,Das Efx, Tupac, and A Tribe Called Quest. The message and timing of this album may have been divine. Let us look at the historical events of the year(s) Krs-One was creating this album in. In 1994, the United States congress had successfully completed the first step of becoming fascist by Voting to Censure Dr. Khalid Muhammad, National Advisor of the Nation of Islam. Bill Clinton and Joe Biden led Democrats to pass the The Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act and effectively fueled the prison industrial complex. South Africa held it first election since intergrating with the apartheid government and Invisble Man author Ralph Ellison had passed. Hip Hop was the soul vehicle of expression to protest the genocide that had been going on and KRS One was one of its leaders. The youth looked toward this leader to deliver an album reflective of their mindstate and he delivered. 

Imperative of a classic work of musical art, this album is composed of multiple great songs, but in my opinion the cornerstone song of the album is undeniably “Ah Yeah”. In this song he masterfully uses three 16 bar verses to empower and mobilize his listener much in the same way Dr. Khalid Muhammad did. This track starts with the establishment of an a capella warcry. He writes in response to western power’s having done such an incredible job destroying the rebel instinct that Afrikan people possess by publicly shaming our leaders and traditions. These lyrics are him trying to raise the psyche of a fallen warrior class and put revolt back in its holy place as opposed to the negative connotation that has been applied by the white power structure.  He essentially made a chant-like hook with an underlying message of “This is your enemy, This is how to handle him, and THIS is okay”. The aim focuses on  redirecting the accumulated anger of a traduced peoples that is often mistargeted toward self so that we may be collectively progresssive. 

He bellows:

“Ah yeah, that's whatcha say when you see a devil down

Ah yeah, that's whatcha say when you take the devil's crown

Ah yeah, stay alive all things will change around

Ah yeah, what? Ah yeah!”

Then comes the establishment of an eerie bass line. This song structure is familiar to fans of his earlier work. It was what they were longing for. For a few albums he took the perspective of being in the classroom or office as opposed to in the battlefield with his men. He had returned to fight with us like Haile Selassie. Immediately he establishes a dual level of respect. One with his men and one with his deterrent.  

“So here I go kickin' science in ninety-five

I be illin', parental discretion is advised still

Don't call me nigga, this MC goes for his

Call me God, cause that's what the black man is

Roamin' through the forest as the hardest lyrical artist

Black women you are not a bitch you're a Goddess

Let it be known, you can lean on KRS-One

Like a wall cause I'm hard, I represent God”

In the first 2 bars of the preceding excerption he lets us know he intends to drop some knowledge, but it will not be filtered for political correctness or comfortability. The following 2 bars he establishes both a tone of encounterment and identity. Then he goes on to explain from which direction he came much like Saint Maurice's appearance upon the plagued people of Europe to let them know he has navigated and he is no spook. He goes on to talk to his listener and the most important of them, the women.

In 1994, fresh off a press tour on which she gained popularity from criticizing Bill Clinton, Sister Souljah published her first book that was heralded by black scholars and youth alike entitled No Disrespect. Her Influence was cemented in the minds of black youth and played a huge role in raising generational consciousness by dealing with topics like “how the black woman is viewed by black men” and “the black woman’s role in repairing the black family structure”. She had solely been awarded leadership duties by a disregarded demographic in a scapegoated culture and was handling it with the grace of Misty Copeland.  Her and the women she raised to consciousness needed the camaraderie of Krs One. He goes on to sell to himself:

 “Wack MC's have one style: gun buck

But when you say, "Let's buck for revolution"

They shut the fuck up, can't get with it

Down to start a riot in a minute

You'll hear so many Bowe-Bowe-Bowe, you think I'm Riddick

While other MC's are talkin' bout up with hope down with dope

I'll have a devil in my infrared scope,”

In the first five bars he addresses the enemies of the oppressed people within the oppressed people. These “Wack MC’s” are the Uncle Toms’ and Judas of the rebellious, afro-centric movement that is Hip-Hop. He says they lack discipline and do not have the self awareness to rescue themselves. In comparison with himself who uses that energy toward an ultimate goal, Independence through revolution. In the succeeding excerption KRS briefly displays the cognitive processing and coping mechanism of a warrior:

“WOY

That's for calling my father a boy and, klak, klak, klak

That's for putting scars on my mother's back, BO

That's for calling my sister a ho, and for you

Buck, buck, buck  cause I don't give a motherfuck

Remember the whip, remember the chant

Remember the rope and

You black people still thinkin' about voting?

Every President we ever had lied!

You know, I'm kinda glad Nixon died.”

Throughout the preceding excerption KRS skillfully uses onomatopoeias to create a setting for his listener. There is a battle going on. Shells casings are falling to the ground and bullets are flying from high caliber weapons. He is in the thick of it and then an enemy approaches him. He musters the courage to engage with his assailant by remembering the suffrage the morals of his enemies’ elected nation-state has caused his ancestors. Then he rejoices in the death of one of their leaders, Richard Nixon.

In the second verse Krs-One addresses an age-old topic of discussion for spiritual people that was brought forth to the Afrikans of today by Noble Drew Ali, “The Prophetic Soul”. This belief dates back to ancient Buddhism in the caves of Asia taught to us by Dr. Ivan Van Sertima in his book “African Presence in Early Asia”. This belief entails that all the prophets of the world including but not limted to; Adam, Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, and himself were the same soul being reborn until its mission is completed.” Krs-One puts himself and a couple others in this divine line of being. 

“This is not the first time I came to the planet

 concern every time I come, only a few could understand it

I came as Isis, my words they tried to ban it

I came as Moses, they couldn't follow my Commandments

I came as Solomon, to a people that was lost

I came as Jesus, but they nailed me to a cross

I came as Harriet Tubman, I put the truth to Sojourner

Other times, I had to come as Nat Turner

They tried to burn me, lynch me and starve me

So I had to come back as Marcus Garvey, Bob Marley

They tried to harm me, I used to be Malcolm X

Now I'm on the planet as the one called KRS

Kickin' the metaphysical, spiritual, tryin' to like

Get with you, showin' you, you are invincible

The Black Panther is the black answer for real

In my spiritual form, I turn into Bobby Seale

On the wheels of steel, my spirit flies away

And enters into Kwame Ture”

In the beginning of the third verse he briefly continues the theme of possessing The Prophetic Soul but now, he does not speak from a perspective of being the people who had the soul. He speaks from the perspective of the soul. This soul is traveling and looking for a host. In the first two bars he speaks of how he was able to travel without detection from the government’s surveillance. Then, he goes on to finally choose a host that is relevant to the demographic of people it intends to reach. This host is stylish and his image is relatable, so the people will be receptive of his message through familiarity. 

“In the streets there is no EQ, no di-do-di-do-di-do

So I grab the air and speak through the code

The devil cannot see through as I unload

Into another cerebellum

Then I can tell em, because my vibes go through denim

And leather whatever, however, I'm still rockin”

After the prophetic soul latches on to the host, KRS-One, it manifests purpose with grassroot organization and motivational speaking. Being KRS-One founded the Stop the Violence Movement in 1988 and was solely responsible for mobilizing many of the most influential Hip Hoppers against Gang Violence and Culture he had plenty of knowledge to give on the topic.

“We used to pick cotton, now we pick up cotton when we shoppin'

Have you forgotten why we buildin' in a cypher

Yo hear me kid, government is building in a pyramid

The son of God is brighter than the son of man

The spirit is, check your dollar bill G, here it is

We got no time for fancy mathematics

Your mental frequency frequently pickin' up static

Makin' you a naked body, addict and it's democratic

They press auto, and you kill it with an automatic”

Too often credit for the creation and establishment of a culture or society is given to one person as opposed to being evenly distributed amongst the support structure. How many times have you been taught the legacy of all the men that signed the declaration of independence? It is likely that you’ve only been taught about Thomos Jefferson. Just like there would be no Fidel Castro without the parallel influences of Che Guevara and Camilo Ceinfuegos there would be no Hip-Hop without KRS ONE. Perhaps without his tenacity, passion, and will it would have been infiltrated and exploited before it reached its full maturity. If that would have happened America would not have its current number one export. In his prime most consumers who listened to his message and gazed upon his image said “OH NO!”  from fear of what they could not understand. Today, we look at his legacy of art and effort and cant help ,but smile and yell “AH YEAH!”.

[rigelmejo]

February Progress Update, March Goals:

(Updated as it’s now the end of the month) How February went:

Chinese novel chapters read in February (so far): 27 (a huge amount! Last month’s was 8. This month - 4 were Guardian, the rest are 寒舍)

Chapters I studied with Listening-Reading Method: 2 (Catch me barely doing L-R and just reading Guardian instead...)

Chinese shows watched: 6. (I expected this number to shoot up and I was right! Word of Honor - tian ya ke adaptation - is airing and I am watching the raws first then the English subs as they release. I’m also maybe going to start Anti Fraud League since I finally finished ep 1. YouTube recommended me another Zhen zhehan drama - he plays Zhou Zishu in woh. It’s called Demon Girl and I’d had it in my list to practice anyway with when I got bored since it’s set 1920-1940s, one of my fave drama settings, featuring a demon heroine in which demons are like mutants who live among us. Which happens to be my LITERAL favorite story setup - mutants/monsters/etc sci fi or supernatural setup in which the story uses it to tell fantastical tales while also commenting on real social issues. Some stories do it better than others - In The Flesh and Bureau of Transformer do excellently, Love and Redemption and Guardian do some fascinating stuff with it, Heroes touches on it only a little compared to Xmen which is known for it, and Merlin often failed to commit to a strong message. But regardless - if a story has this Setup I will ultimately wanna see. So that show definirely has 3 selling points now: my Fave story setup, a heroine as the lead, and an actor I like as the other lead. I also found Mystic Nine and LORD Critical World in HD on a chinese site so I’m very tempted to just watch them in chinese only since it’s more convienient then the english sub links I have for the shows. An interesting update: trying to watch a show this month was easier than in the past - last month I could barely watch Any shows, and before that I distinctly remember shows being harder to catch the details. I watched Anti Fraud League ep 1 fully this month and caught all details roughly without pausing - and like 3 sentences of exposition on main character Mi Huo I paused and replayed the scene just to catch all the chinese subtitles and clarify I understood correctly. I think I got about 90% of the details - because I was a little vague on some word meanings and just guessed on those. And grasped 100% of the overall plot. which is well beyond where I was at month 10-11ish last time I tried watching shows. Also yay! A detective show felt as easy as watching a fluff romance which is so great, because I like this genre much more! Although I am going to give a grateful shout out to Granting You A Dreamlike Life because... while the shows first 15 eps I did watch are Not My Thing, I watched it like 8+ months into learning and it was both a challenge and easy enough TO watch and keep watching. Which made it great for improving. I really think it helped a lot. And I also think... at this point I probably could rewatch guardian without eng subs and be fine. When I watch shan he ling today I guess I’ll find out if I can handle a wuxia plot though without eng subs lol)

Japanese Audio listened to: 14 (no change, this is since start of year)

Personal books read: 11 (since 2021 started - so 6 books in February. I have been reading SO MUCH lately, I’m really excited? I’ve been meaning to read so many of my books I just hadn’t gotten around to it. This is also likely to increase as I’m about to finish dmbj 2 next time I pick it up).

Some other things:

@a-whump-muffin​ u inspired me and sometime soon I will be trying to play KH in japanese again, and looking at ur super amazing grammar guide u made ToT (I might try nier automata if its bearable just because I’m playing all the drakengard/nier games right now but... the language is a lot more sci fi so i’m not sure that’d go well... also i want to check if my final fantasy type-0 has japanese language settings...). But like... I am definitely up for looking at a grammar guide, and looking up words on my phone as I play. Now that’s a study method i could DO maybe ToT and also like!!! ultimately i want to do it anyway!!! i just figured it would be drowning and chickened out! but like. to study doing what u wanted to do anyway in the language??!!! wowwww ;-; i mean that’s basically why i’m reading chinese but u get the idea

Other japanese updates: I’m still listening to quickleur I just haven’t done any listening lately (u can tell by the L-R status above lol). It did help a lot though even the bits I listened to, as far as refreshing my mind on particles and verb endings. And the explanation on sentence structures u gave @a-whump-muffin​ !! (who is god tier if ur studying japanese they are <3 <3 )

Part of the ‘personal books read’ goal - I’m counting any textbooks I read in that category, in the hopes if I frame it in my head as reading for personal interest instead of studying, I will do it. Ideally I would LIKE to read my DeFrancis Chinese books, Chinese Nature Method grammar book, Chinese Sentence Patterns book, 2 books I just ordered, my japanese reading books (the 1st one a good refresher the 2nd one literally could be... my textbook for years its got so much). Those chinese books in part because WOW I am so used to so much grammar in context when reading, but when I go to produce language I’m a hot MESS. And I think just like... I really should read those books and fill in the gaps in my understanding and like solidify the correct understanding of what I can comprehend. Sometime.... I ALSO should read my Alan Hoenig chinese characters book. But will I???? AHA. I forgot to mention in my last reading post - but brute forcing learning the hanzi has been going fine actually. I was concerned just looking up hanzi when reading, that I would struggle to learn the new ones. But I can confirm that reading has gotten easier, and I’ve picked up a LOT of hanzi I was previously brute force looking up repeatedly while reading. So like... as long as this keeps working, I’ll keep doing it. I’m very lazy and the path with least resistance and mental exhaustion is what I’ll keep doing, if it works, even if it might be slower. (Although I do think the hanzi books I have are very useful and have helped me speed up progress when I used them).

I learned how to make gifs this month and I’m overwhelmed with all the stuff I could try to do? Idk its very cool i’m very excited about it.

Goals for March:

Basically, we’re sticking to the quite steady study plan I’ve had the past few months, which has boiled down to: read chinese, L-R, listen/watch if desired, do something listening related in japanese if desired. It’s not well rounded or anything but I’m making steady progress and its easy to keep doing.

Anything in bold is what I’m doing right now/likely to do (although we know how often I just derail).

Read chinese novels. (This can include Guardian. Currently includes: hanshe, guardian. On hiatus: Tian Ya Ke).

Listen-Read Guardian. (Reading guardian in Any way is the priority so if this happens yay, but if it doesn’t I’ll be happy if I’m still working through guardian and just postponing the listening part).

Optional. Play video game in japanese, use a dictionary and grammar guide when confused af. This one’s imminently likely just because the instant I get Nier remastered I’m playing it, and also playing Nier Automata etc games, so like... the opportunity and desire to play the japanese versions of games I want to do that with WILL hit me. 

Optional. Watch chinese shows. This one’s also likely because a priest novel drama adaptation just dropped (Word of Honor, shan he ling, tian ya ke/Faraway Wanderer’s adaptation) and I don’t want to wait for the english subs. 

Optional - unlikely (I’m not in the mood to listen to stuff lol). Audios. Keep listening to Japanese Quicksleur when there’s down time (like playing games), and Chinese Spoonfed audio if I feel like it. 

Personal. Keep reading while I’ve got the motivation to. I am really enjoying getting through all these books I’ve wanted to read for so long. 

BELOW I will eventually link a list of story recs (also see tag rec list for more):

Poyun 破云 (recced)

Poyun 破云 2

一级律师 by 木苏里 (recced)

盗墓笔记 series

默读 by priest

他们的故事 by 一根黄瓜丝儿 

寒舍 by 夏灬安兰 pingxie supernatural au

818 (pingxie)

鎮魂 by priest (chapter 4)

天涯客 by priest

Qi Ye 七爷 by priest

六爻 by priest

FGEP

犹记斐然 foxghost rec

一受封疆 foxghost rec

女主大人 我错 gl

将军府小妾生存报告 gl

夜半衣寒 by 夏灬安兰 pingxie (can u tell i like this author)

(瓶邪同人)所谓一切发生在网配+番外 (writer and radio voicer pingxie au)

死亡万花筒 kaleidoscope of death

将军府小妾生存报告  

女主大人，我错了  

魔女霓裳

公主饶命 GL

民政局领到了媳妇

In progressing difficulty, books I want to read and should be ready to read now, a la foxghost’s recommendations:

那些風花雪月 by Gong Zi Huan Xi (took 14 months of study before I tried to read this, did try, did not click with me lol)

不正當關係 by Gong Zi Huan Xi (foxghost said this was the same difficulty as the story above, so I’m probably ready for this one too).

*SCI 谜案集 by ErYa (I’ve heard this somewhat easy to read, is a good story, and since its case-centered I think it would be a good intro to later reading books like Silent Reading by Priest)

龍圖案卷集  by ErYa (There is an audiobook on Ximalaya!)

黑風城戰記  by ErYa (sequel to novel above)

Then the recommendation says you should probably watch a lot of shows for some vocab (I sort of do so I’ll see how that helps me out), and you can start tackling xianxia, like Priest’s “六爻, and then 鎮魂, then 殺破狼, and pretty much any other of GZHX’s works.” I would guess this point is when Tian Ya Ke would be more my reading level, when 六爻 is, at the beginning. I would guess after 鎮魂 is when I could try to tackle Can Ci Pin. Sha Po Lang is steampunk and fantasy, so I would guess it has some of the sci fi type words - so if I’d be ready for that, I might be ready for Can Ci Pin at the same time.

[bb-bambam]

Life Partner

There’s a book lying on the couch when Jinyoung comes home after a long day of individual schedules. It isn’t a book he’s ever seen before, not on his own bookshelf nor on the one he used to share with Jaebeom, so it’s unclear, initially, where it came from.

Upon closer inspection, the book is some kind of anthology of quotes about love and friendship and interpersonal connections. There’s a page bookmarked, Jinyoung notices, and all of a sudden, he knows exactly who put the book here. It should have been obvious anyway, really, but Jinyoung knows of only one other person who still diligently uses the bookmarks that were released during promotions for Verse 2, and he’s the same person who was given a spare key the day Jinyoung moved into this apartment.

“Jaebeom-hyung, are you in here?” Jinyoung calls as he picks up the book and turns to the bookmarked page.

And truly – if Jinyoung wasn’t already completely certain that Jaebeom is the one who put this book here, the words on the page would have confirmed it.

A soulmate does not complete you – they inspire you to complete yourself. A soulmate is the person who supports your direction, who motivates and encourages you to stretch, to change, to reinvent yourself until you are happy. A soulmate is someone who loves you with so much conviction, and so much heart, that it is nearly impossible to doubt just how capable you are of becoming exactly who you have always wanted to be.

“I’m here,” comes the familiar voice from behind him, just as Jinyoung finishes reading.

Perfect timing, he thinks. Soulmates, indeed. And when he turns around, there’s Jaebeom, down on one knee, smiling softly up at him. Jinyoung feels like his heart has stopped. “Jaebeommie, w-what are you doing?”

There’s only one obvious answer, but Jinyoung’s mind is fuzzy and the only thing really registering is the earnest, honest affection in Jaebeom’s eyes as he reaches out to take Jinyoung’s hands in his own. “I’m about to ask you to marry me, Nyoungie.”

“But,” Jinyoung says, blinking a few times, his voice trembling slightly, “we aren’t even dating.”

“Does that matter to you?” Jaebeom asks, and he sounds genuinely curious. Jinyoung knows Jaebeom would never dismiss anything he has to say anyway, but he suddenly feels warm and safe in the knowledge that Jaebeom will always cater to his wants. “If it does, then consider this to be me asking you to be my boyfriend, and I’ll propose some other time.”

“Whoa, whoa,” Jinyoung says, his wits finally catching up with him as he snaps out of his daze. “I never said that would be necessary. And also, for the record, I would be the one to propose next time, if there was even going to be a next time.”

“Is there going to be a next time?” Jaebeom asks. “Because I know there was never a point where we said ‘Okay, let’s be more than friends,’ but I think we managed to get to that point anyway. We’ve been together for so long, and you made me want to be a better person, so I did my best to become one. And I know that I love you and the only person I can imagine spending my life with – the only person I want to spend my life with – is you.”

“You’re right,” Jinyoung realizes. “It...it doesn’t matter what we call our relationship. Because you make me want to be better too, and everything I am today is because you inspired me to get here. Because I love you too, and I want to stay with you for the rest of my life, in whatever way possible.”

It feels like everything is falling into place, like everything finally makes sense and a truth of life has been revealed. The sky is blue, grass is green, and Park Jinyoung and Im Jaebeom will always bring out the best in each other,  will always love each other – not simply as friends, and not even necessarily as lovers, but as something inexplicable that fundamentally shapes them both.

Jaebeom is crying a little, but his smile shines brighter than the lights on all the stages they’ve ever performed on together. “So that’s a yes to marrying me?”

Jinyoung laughs, lets a few tears spill out of his own eyes as he tugs Jaebeom up and into a tight embrace. “Of course it’s a yes. And it always will be.”

[magicalmerry]

Alright, so I know it’s been a while since I’ve really posted any witchy content or readings, but I finally sat down and did a reading for myself this evening for Lughnasadh/Lammas going into the following season. I, unfortunately, didn’t really do anything special for the sabbat. This weekend just kind of blew by in a whirlwind of reality kind of slapping me in the face accompanied by some really emotional things happening, and it really took me out of the celebratory mood, so I decided I’ll just go all out when Mabon comes around; Mabon is my favorite sabbat after all~

So this week, there was a challenge posted by the mod in a witchy group I’m in to shuffle the deck and focus and meditate on the first card drawn for the week. I had a card actually, literally, fall into my lap while shuffling: the Four of Swords. This card is usually tied to rest, meditation, contemplation, and recuperation which I don’t have much time for rest with my move coming up soon, but this does tell me to take advantage of the rest I do get, and to not forget to take the time to relax. I also need to focus more on meditation as a whole. My anxiety has been getting the better of me as of late, but this week I made a few decisions to help my mental health, and so hopefully continuing to make similar decisions will help along with taking the time to meditate.

Now for the three cards in the center, I was pulling these for the Lammas tarot spread The Harvest, posted by @tarot-dreams​.

1. The Reaper: What part of your life do you need to let go of?

For this, I pulled the Four of Cups, which denotes meditation, resentment, apathy, and discontentment. I think that in this particular instance, the spread is focusing on the apathetic and resentful parts of myself. I have gone through the process of removing certain aspects of my life that were not good for my mental health, and it was generally time to let go. I am still struggling with cutting the few remaining threads, but as I was told by a friend, what I went through was incredibly toxic, and I have to take the time to completely remove the poison from my system and heal my wounds. I need to let go of my resentfulness from this, and for the part of me going through apathy, it’s as simple as finding motivation and drive. My cards have slapped me on the back of the hand more than once lately for this, so it’s something I’m working on.

2. The Crop: Where in your life do you need to continue to grow?

For this I pulled Death. Endings, new beginnings, change, transition. These are all things that are directly affecting me. As stated in the meaning behind the last card, I ended a very large aspect of my life, and I am moving on to bigger, better things. I am also physically moving. I am about to start a new chapter of my life finally moving in with my long distance partner after years apart, and we are finally starting our life together in person without a screen in between us. I know there is still a lot I will be grieving from what I need to let go of, but I am very excited about my new adventure ahead. Death always seems like a scary card to others, and they dread seeing the skull in the hood, but I am almost always glad to greet Death because this means great change is ahead, and a new beginning awaits me.

3. The Harvest: Where in your life can you expect to see a reward?

For this I drew the Eight of Swords in reverse. Usually this card depicts the main figure in loose, self-induced, bindings with a blindfold showing their ignorance, or them directly avoiding their own problems they have caused themselves, but in reverse the victim mentality and self-imposed imprisonment is reflected to show release, acceptance, accountability, and discovery. This card shows release of negativity, and coming to terms with yourself. I do believe that this is something that I am currently going through and will continue to do so for a while yet. I’ve already stated that after moving, and in starting into my next witchy journal/Book of Mirrors/whatever you want to call it, I will be doing a bit of shadow work, and spending time getting to know the parts of me I packed away from the light of day long ago. It’s uncomfortable, but necessary. This weekend I feel like I really opened the floodgates to that in recounting and comparing who I am today to who I was five years ago. Yes, there are aspects about my life I would wish to retain from then, but I would never trade what I have and who I am now to go back to who I was then. I have had so much self discovery over the last couple of years, and especially in this year of 2020. Coming to terms with thoughts like these is a gift within itself, and I am definitely not done with this, and apparently my cards agree haha

Now for this last card, since I was going off of someone else’s spread, I wanted to do what I do for every sabbat, and that is to take a look at what I should expect coming into the following season, and so, taking my deck, I asked aloud my question. I moved to shuffle the cards twice, and out came flying The Lovers. I stopped and smiled, then picked up the card holding it to my chest. I’m planning on making my move this month, and to see The Lovers card jump out of the deck with such vigor really made my heart warm. The Lovers is, of course, all about unification, choices, harmony, relationships, and love. Ironically this was also my card for the year I got for the year of 2020. I am so very excited to finally be getting to be with my partner after so long, and I really think the universe is happy for me too.

Overall, I am anxious to see what this next season leading into autumn will truly be like for me. I know it’s going to be very different and new territory for me, and I plan on posting what I can when I’m able. I hope that you all had a blessed Lughnasadh/Lammas or if you call it by a different name, this past weekend. As always, feel free to message or contact me if you’d like to chat, my dm’s and ask box are always open if you need someone to talk to. If you’d love to tell me how you celebrated the sabbat, I’d love to hear it.

I hope you all have a magical day~

[spirit-science-blog]

Money is like love; it kills slowly and painfully, the one who withholds it, and enlivens the other who turns it on his fellow man. - Khalil Gibran

Do you struggle with money? Are you ready to transform your entire life? At last, it’s time to explore how you can create your spiritual money right now. Let’s waste no time and dive in!

You might already be familiar with this material, but for those who aren’t, allow me a moment to introduce you to two men and their legendary book. Napoleon Hill, Andrew Carnegie, and the book Think and Grow Rich.

This book is truly the ultimate spiritual success manual, having sold over 100 million copies, and helped to create more millionaires in the world than you can count! This book came about in 1937 when a man named Andrew Carnegie commissioned a young Napoleon Hill to write a book about how he became the wealthiest person of his generation, the world's first billionaire by today's standards. In essence, I mean technically he wasn’t a billionaire, but with the inflation of the dollar, today he would be several times over.

Just to get this out of the way - I feel it’s important to note that those who read it will probably notice a bit of sexual bias in the language used. The book was intended for men when it was published in 1937. That said - the principles that they explore are relative to anyone who is on the journey of wealth transformation. While I don’t support the sexist attitude, the core information is valuable to explore.

This book documents the ultimate success philosophy and formula for anyone who is seeking to generate wealth in the way of thinking that mirrors the understanding of the ancient Greek mystery schools. I’m not even joking - This book teaches how to create wealth in your life by being psychic! Allow me a moment to share a few key passages to show you what I’m referring to.

Indeed, “thoughts are things,” and powerful things at that, when they are mixed with definiteness of purpose, persistence, and a burning desire for their translation into riches, or other material objects.”

“More than 40 years ago, the author, working in conjunction with the late Dr. Alexander Graham Bell and Dr. Elmer R. Gates, observed that every human brain is both a broadcasting and receiving station for the vibration of thought. In a fashion similar to that employed by the radio broadcasting principle, every human brain is capable of picking up vibrations of thought which are being released by other brains.”

Now - returning to the main idea here - when you begin to think and grow rich, you will observe that riches begin with a state of mind, with definiteness of purpose. The author reminds us that our state of mind is of the utmost importance - success comes to those who become success conscious. Failure comes to those who indifferently allow themselves to become failure conscious.

He concludes the introductory chapter by informing us that if we can learn to follow the 13 principles of thinking and growing rich, literally anyone can lead a wealthy and prosperous life. Going over the principles takes up the majority of this book - but allow me a moment to run through them with you.

Principle 1 - Desire. We must have a healthy desire for what it is that we want. This is akin to being able to consciously focus on the thing that you want to create - for what we think and feel actively creates our reality. If we choose to just “get what life gives us,” then yes, we’re not going to end up with much. We have to be clear about what we want and be willing to go after it!

Principle 2 - Faith. Quoting directly from the book - “Faith is the head chemist of the mind. When faith is blended with thought, the subconscious mind instantly picks up the vibration, translates it into its spiritual equivalent, and transmits it to infinite intelligence, as in the case of prayer.”

Principle 3 - Autosuggestion - a term which essentially means self-suggestion, the agency of communication between the conscious and subconscious minds. This is your ability to program your subconscious mind by making sure to feed it creative and healthy thoughts, instead of destructive ones.

Principle 4 - Specialized knowledge. There are two kinds of experience, General and Specialized. General knowledge is the kind of stuff you learn in school - random bits of history and math and literature that, by itself, is not suitable for much. Specialized knowledge, on the other hand, is the knowledge that is organized and intelligently directed towards the fulfillment of your dreams.

Principle 5 is Imagination - what they describe to be the workshop wherein all impulses, dreams, and desires are given shape, form, and action. There are two forms to our imagination, the synthetic vision, which arranges old concepts, ideas, or plans into new combinations, which doesn’t create anything new - and the creative imagination, which is the mind-opening bridge to the infinite intelligence that allows you to conceive of entirely new concepts, the faculty through which hunches and inspirations are achieved.

Principle 6, 7, and 8 all go together - they are Organized Planning, Decision, and Persistence. This is the practical ability to form definite, concrete plans of action, making decisions on them, and executing them consistently and persistently until you begin to see results. Also - procrastination is the killer of dreams, so while you might be worried that “oh what if I don’t make the right decision” - any decision is better than sitting there and doing nothing. You continually refine and improve as you go.

Speaking to persistence, they explain that one of the most common causes of failure is the habit of quitting when one is overtaken by temporary defeat. Every person is guilty of this mistake at one time or another. Before success comes in one's life, they are sure to meet with much temporary defeat, and perhaps, some failure. When defeat overtakes a person, the most natural and most logical thing to do is quit, and that is what most do. However - failure is a trickster with a keen sense of irony and cunning. It takes great delight in tripping one when success is almost within reach.

Principle 9 is the Power of the Master Mind. The mastermind may be defined as “coordination of knowledge and effort, in a spirit of harmony, between two or more people, for the attainment of a definite purpose.” It means don’t try and do everything yourself if you can team up with people to achieve a vision, do it.

Principle 10 is the Mystery of Sex transmutation…. Yes - the mystery of sex transmutation. Very simply - this means the switching of the mind from thoughts of physical expression, into ideas of some other nature. I’ll just leave that one there. It’s an exciting chapter.

Principles 11, 12, and 13 are called “The Subconscious Mind, The Brain, and The Sixth Sense,” and it’s when this book becomes a mystery school of its own. They explain that our minds are receivers and emitters for thoughts and emotions into the collective field of consciousness, that we’re connected to everyone, that we must train and use our subconscious for connecting to infinite intelligence - aka Source, Spirit, or God - and through the opening to endless abundance, we begin to direct ourselves towards the creation of value in the world which produces wealth as a result. We also develop the faculties of our psychic mind, the sixth sense, through which infinite intelligence may and will communicate voluntarily, without any effort from you. This is the apex of the philosophy, but which can only be genuinely mastered once the other principles have been fully understood and integrated into your psyche.

The book concludes with a final chapter on the Six Ghosts of Fear, where they describe that the sixth sense will be blocked as long as you embody the following fears: The fear of poverty, criticism, ill health, loss of the love of someone, old age, and death. We must tackle these fears and overcome them within us through meditation and other conscious engagement with ourselves, and this will support us in activating our sixth sense.

Now, I know these 13 principles alone are a lot to digest; you might need to rewatch them and take notes! But that said, there’s one more thing from this book I must share with you! Think and Grow Rich also describes the 6 step action item formula to begin creating your spiritual wealth right now. Take note - if you want to transform your financial reality completely - I encourage you to pay close attention to the following.

Step 1. Determine what you want to achieve/accomplish. Decide what your goal is. The purpose must be specific enough that you know when you have completed it. It is also essential that you are emotionally engaged in achieving the goal. Your desire for the result must be strong enough to motivate you to do what you need to, even when you do not want to.

Step 2. Decide what you are willing / need to give in return for what you desire. Nothing worthwhile comes without some price (i.e., time, money, change a habit, etc.). What changes do you need to make to your life/lifestyle that will allow you to achieve your goal?

Step 3. Set a specific date when you want to achieve your goal. This gives you a set timeline to work with as you develop your plan.

Step 4. Develop your plan. Begin at once, whether you are ready or not. What steps are you planning to take that move you towards your goal? Do not wait for the plan to be perfect. Start right away. You can, and will, make adjustments as you go!

Step 5. Write a clear and concise statement of what you want, when you want it, what you are willing to give, and the actions you plan to take to achieve the goal.

Step 6. Read your statement aloud, with emotion, a minimum of two times a day - first thing in the morning, and right before you go to sleep. This is the most critical step in the process. And adding to this - visualize yourself as if you have already achieved your goal. Do this as often as you can during the day, even if only for a few moments.

And that’s it! With that, I now must bring this episode to a close. But before I do, I will say that Think and Grow Rich is a meditation unto itself. While we’ve laid some seeds in this video, I would recommend taking the time to go through the whole book, especially if it helps you conceptualize the principles on a deeper level.

With that, thank you for watching, and I’ll see you next week for something new!

[obaewankenope]

Stegosawns and Time - Good Omens, Absconding with Harry verse ficlet

@murderandjam asked for me to write something with dinosaurs involved so, like a champ, I’ve done my best. Hope they, and ya’ll, like it.

//.//

Harry doesn’t particular care about dinosaurs, not really, but he’s a thirteen-year-old boy and dinosaurs are sort of A Thing for thirteen-year-old boys to be interested in. Well, according to Miss Hale, who runs the local corner shop with her husband of thirty-five years, at least.[1]

So, of course, Harry has to at least be interested in dinosaurs otherwise Miss Hale will make comments about his Uncle’s and Harry will want to cause a bit—a lot—of chaos in her shop, even though she’s very nice to him and only makes snide comments on Tuesdays.[2] It’s less because Harry wants to impress Miss Hale with his dinosaur knowledge and more that he wants to have information he can utilise against someone who seems to like making Comments about his Uncle’s lifestyles.

Harry is well-aware that he can be a petty child, but he does limit his pettiness to people who deserve a bit of Petty Childishness thrown in their overly opinionated faces. Thus, it follows that Harry learns the basic facts about dinosaurs, recites a couple to Miss Hale, adds a few titbits about the quantity of homosexual relationships in the animal kingdom and how there were probably queer dinosaurs—enjoying immensely the way Miss Hale’s smile freezes on her face at that—and that, if Harry were to choose a dinosaur to be, he’d choose a Psittacosaurus because “it looks really cute but I bet it can do a predator a whole lot of harm with those little tusks”.

Oddly enough, Miss Hale hasn’t asked if Harry is interested in things anymore and doesn’t seem interested in suggesting research topics for Harry to try and make a hobby out of.

Strange that.

[Keep Reading on AO3]

But, when Jurassic Park is released in the UK on 16th July 1993, the interest Harry has in dinosaurs reaches a more expected level for a thirteen-year-old boy to possess; basically, he becomes obsessed with dinosaurs that eat people.

Though, not quite in the way Miss Hale probably ever expected Harry to be interested in carnivores. Apparently, spending thirty-minutes ranting about dinosaurs being denied access to enrichment like zoo animals ought to have is not the “correct” response on the forum dedicated to All Things Jurassic Park.

When someone tells him to “read the book, dumbass” Harry has to log off and go for a fly on his broom. Cursing someone who lives on the other side of the planet for being obtuse and all-round rude isn’t something he should do; even if he really wants to.

The pulava dies down after a few weeks of Harry reading everything he can find about dinosaurs in the bookshop—strangely, Uncle ‘Zira’s collection on dinosaurs and palaeontology is quite limited—and the library, Harry heads back to Hogwarts with Hermione and Ron ending up being unwitting victims of his diatribes.

Well, Ron is an unwitting victim. Hermione looks like Christmas has come early and she doesn’t even celebrate Christmas except at Hogwarts.

“I know!” Hermione exclaims, nodding vigorously at what Harry’s saying on the topic of how dinosaur DNA just couldn’t survive that long without totally degrading. “It’s really obvious if you think about it, even my parents said the same and they’re dental hygienists, but the boys who live by my house ignored me when I told them.”

“Idiots,” Harry replies and Hermione smiles at him. “Frog DNA is really picky as well, like, you definitely have to be careful with it; not just randomly add it to some ancient DNA and expect everything to be all hunky-dory! How do people not realise this?”

Harry shakes his head. “I know it’s fiction and Hollywood magic,” he continues, “but really, it’s a stupid plot to have such awful mad science stuff.”

“The book is much better than the film,” Hermione says and Harry nods. “Though, I do like the actors and—if I ignore the inaccuracies and deviations from the book—it’s not an awful film. I just prefer the book.”

“Same.” Harry pauses.

“The T-Rex scenes were pretty great though, weren’t they?” he asks and Hermione nods.

“Oh Morgana, yes!” Hermione agrees, grinning. “I really enjoyed the car chase.”

“Me too!”

“Also, that nasty lawyer—”

“—oh yeah! He totally got what he deserved!”

Ron, throughout this entire rant and later gush-fest regarding Jurassic Park and dinosaurs, is silent until he finally can’t take it anymore; judging by the way he all-but bellows at Harry and Hermione.

“What the bloody hell is a dinosaur?”

It’s probably The Worst question Ron could have asked but Ron obviously has no idea what Harry and Hermione are going on about; and Ron has never liked not knowing what’s going on. That’s probably because he grew up with six brothers and a little sister and had to deal with so much happening that he didn’t have a clue about. Being out of the loop is something Ron doesn’t handle very well when it comes to his friends and that means Harry and Hermione have an Obligation to educate Ron on the subject of dinosaurs.

He’s probably going to regret asking, Harry thinks, but at least he’ll know something other purebloods won’t.[3]

By the time the train arrives at Hogsmeade, Ron has a basic understanding of what dinosaurs are; ancient lizards that enjoyed being ancient lizards eating things and being eaten. Mentioning Jurassic Park during the Education of Ron sends them off on a digression that sees Ron being very, very confused by DNA, genetics, theme parks, and corporate environments. This drives Hermione to promise to borrow Ron her copy of the book, citing that it’s much more in-depth than what Harry and Hermione have told him, and to write a list of things that he doesn’t understand when reading so she and Harry can help him understand just why theme park monsters are Bad.

Dinosaur-related learning falls to the wayside as term starts and things Happen throughout the year, but Harry still finds the chance to ask various purebloods about the topic; feeling very vindicated every time a pureblood looks at him like he’s a madman—which, to be fair, he is—or throws a bit of a wobbler at the prospect that muggles know something a pureblood doesn’t.

When Harry asks a Slytherin who is somewhat amiable to students in other houses, he’s surprised when they actually do know about dinosaurs; right up until he realises that they’re a half-blood and hiding the fact. That Slytherin turns out to be pretty delightful and Harry makes no comment on the fact that they use terms that only muggles use. He’s never known a single pureblood Slytherin to use the word thermos when referring to their coffee cup and he just knows they picked that up from muggles.[4]

Unfortunately, Harry doesn’t find out until later that Hermione wisely went and asked the Ravenclaw purebloods about dinosaurs and discovered a whole host of them knew at least something about them and palaeontology too. In the end, Harry loses the bet with Hermione and ends up knitting a whole load of hats for the House Elves—which are used as hats for the teapots rather than the Elves themselves, much to Hermione’s mild annoyance—which isn’t so bad and he at least learns a knew skill in the process.

Throughout all of this, the two come to a sort of unanimous decision that Hogwarts needs better education on non-magical things. Even if witches and wizards might not ever really need to know the names of carnivorous dinosaurs, it’s still useful to know stuff that muggles do so they can better blend in when they’re older.

The fact that it will also reduce the division between magical and non-magical is something neither quite realise until they’re much, much older.[5]

Arranging a sort of study group with students from all the years to get them to learn about things Not Related To Magic is less of a challenge than either of them realise; especially when Ron snorts and tells them to make out the whole thing is “too good for those stuck-up purebloods”. Spite and pride, it turns out, are really good motivators for learning things just to Prove You Can.

Even the Slytherin’s show up.

That leaves Harry and Hermione, and several other muggleborns and half-bloods, with the job of explaining evolution to a bunch of witches and wizards. It sounds like it should be a doddle, but there are certain purebloods that seem intent on making it beyond difficult.

Oddly enough, Malfoy isn’t one of them.

“That doesn’t make any sense, though!” Stephen Cornfoot—a Hufflepuff—says and Harry doesn’t roll his eyes, but it’s a near-thing.

“Environmental changes happen all the time,” Hermione says calmly, though the way her eyelid twitches slightly tells Harry—who’s stood right next to her—that she is definitely not calm. “Physiological adaptation is natural response for a creature. Humans have evolved from previous versions to what we are today, and we’re still evolving. What is there to not understand?”

“A lot, apparently,” Harry mutters under his breath and looks away from the glare Hermione throws at him. “You can change how you act to stuff, right?” He says, raising his voice to be heard by everyone in the room—all forty or so students. “I know a lot of have broken school rules before, and I also know a good number of us have avoided breaking them after the first time we got caught. Or broke the rules better and not got caught. Well, same sort of principle applies to evolution. But it’s a much, much longer scale of time. Instead of us learning to break the rules better and teaching the students after us—or our children, if any of us end up being parents—an animal can evolve over a hundred million years to become a better hunter, or avoid being hunted.”

“Newton Scamander even noted that magical creatures potentially underwent some evolutionary changes in their own history,” Hermione points out, and Cornfoot looks more convinced from that alone which, Harry will admit to himself, is pretty annoying. “You don’t think Kelpies have remained the size they are currently? Or as specifically adapted to marine living?”

Harry knows Hermione’s questions are rhetorical but the way Cornfoot blushes in embarrassment makes him reach out and place a hand on Hermione’s arm. He’s a little concerned she might hex Cornfoot for actually believing Kelpies haven’t evolved.

He’s not certain how he’s supposed to stop her from actually committing murder when Cornfoot—and others—seem to not believe in evolution as though they’re the most resistant of Christians, but Harry figures that so long as Hermione doesn’t do it in public and doesn’t get caught then it’s not something he needs to really worry about.

Probably.

They split the students up into groups that each of the volunteer muggleborns and half-bloods who are willing to Educate The Noble Purebloods About Basic Things take. Whilst this enables Harry to keep Hermione away from Cornfoot and his very strangle-able throat, it however, leaves Harry with Malfoy to deal with.

The things Harry does for his friends.

Uncle’s Crowley and Aziraphale show up about an hour into the Educating of Purebloods and, unfortunately, derail the entire thing with a very casual comment regarding the veracity of palaeontology.

“You’re telling them about dinosaurs?” Uncle Crowley asks and snorts. “Dinosaurs aren’t real.”

“Of course they are!” Hermione says in the sudden silence Harry’s uncle’s words have caused. “There’s over a century of detailed records and expeditions to look for new fossils. How can you even say otherwise?”

“Because they’re a big ol’ prank,” Uncle Crowley answers. “She made them that way.”

“She?” A Ravenclaw asks from Dean’s group.

“You know, God.” Harry’s uncle looks very unhappy to be explaining this but since he started it, Harry doesn’t feel the slightest bit sorry for him. “Thought it was a right laugh, I’m sure.”

“Okay, okay, I’m going- you know what? Fine, fine,” Hermione rambles and she looks a little frazzled; the way she does sometimes when Ginny’s friend, Luna mentions some creature from the Quibbler. “Have you any proof of this claim?” She asks in a measured tone.

Harry has a feeling that this discussion is going to get Nasty.

“Well, my memory, I guess,” Uncle Crowley says and points at Uncle ‘Zira. “And his.”

“You’re memory,” Hermione says flatly.

“Yep!”

“The Earth hasn’t existed long enough for dinosaurs to exist, anyway!” Uncle Crowley exclaims and Harry’s sure Hermione’s eyelid just twitched. “Only been around for six-thousand-years!”

“I see.” Hermione, if anything, manages to sound even flatter than she did before. “Right, that’s what you believe. Nice to know. But actual scientific research tells us the Earth is actually four-point-five billion years old, not six-thousand. And,” she continues, “dinosaurs lived as recently as sixty-six million years ago and as far two-hundred-and-forty-five million years ago. That’s based on intense, rigorous scientific experiments which are much more reliable than a heavily revised book written and re-written over the last two-thousand years.”

Harry doesn’t leave the room but he sure wants to. Judging by the expressions on a lot of the students in the room, they want to flee too.

“That’s part of the joke,” Uncle Crowley explains with a smirk. “Thought was right funny, She did. Bit unfair of Her, really, expecting you lot to ever figure out She punked you all with dinosaurs but—” he shrugs “—not a surprise, really. She’s like that.”

“Well, how do you know God made them as a prank?”

Harry looks across the room, eyebrows raised in surprise because that’s Malfoy.

“Huh?” Uncle Crowley looks at the Slytherin with raised eyebrows himself. “Whadya mean?”

“Well, if your memory is what you’re going on, then did you have a conversation with God about dinosaurs and time and all that other stuff Potter and Granger have been going on about?” Malfoy elaborates. “Did you actually ask… Her if dinosaurs are a joke or did you just assume based on something you thought you know?”

Harry has never seen Uncle Crowley look so very stumped about something and, although it’s probably a little—a lot—bad of him, he really enjoys the sight of it. Judging by the way he seems to be smiling a little at Uncle Crowley’s expression, Uncle ‘Zira enjoys it too.[6]

“Well, obviously not,” Uncle Crowley says. “I learnt it the hard way that asking Her stuff ends painfully. Just figured it was a joke because this dustball hasn’t existed that long.”

The amusement on Uncle ‘Zira’s face disappears. Uncle Crowley’s State of Affairs isn’t something Harry asks questions about but he can tell it’s not the greatest thing, bringing up their statuses as angel and demon.

“But how do you know Earth hasn’t?” Malfoy presses and Harry’s actually sort of impressed. Malfoy has been strangely strange the past year or so. He’s still a twit and a bigot, but he’s better than he was in the first year, for sure.

“We were there when She made it.”

Malfoy rolls his eyes. “And when did She make it? What date, exactly? What existed before She made Earth?”

“Six-thousand years ago, I’ve said this kid,” Uncle Crowley replies. “Four-thousand-and-four-BC. She made it after Heaven and Hell got set up. It was Her big thing. Caused a lot of ruckus up in Heaven when She announced it.”

“Wasn’t Hell created when angels fell, though?” Terry Boot asks, frowning. “I’ve read the Bible and the Torah and Qur’an. I’m pretty sure Hell came after the Earth was made.”

Uncle Crowley waves a hand. “Semantics, really,” he says, “time wasn’t a thing before Earth got shoved into being so Heaven and Hell both existed before and after this little dustball and solar system got set up.”

“If time ‘wasn’t a thing’,” Malfoy says, smirking in that smug way the Slytherin does that makes Harry want to hex him. “Then how do you really know how old the Earth is, or dinosaurs, when you’ve literally just said time didn’t exist before the Earth was made? I mean, what if God was making it for a long time before She just made it real? Like when performing alchemy; we don’t just make gold straight away; we build up to it.”

“No, no, no, that’s not what I said,” Uncle Crowley snaps and he looks annoyed now. Harry thinks it’s pretty amusing that he looks annoyed because he definitely said that.

“That is what you said, actually,” Hermione says and honestly, the fact that she’s siding with Malfoy really says it all. Uncle Crowley has lost this argument and should probably just concede now. “The only way your argument could be valid would be if time existed before Earth did and Hell after and only after. Since you’ve said that isn’t the case, then it can be assumed that time has been applied retrospectively and that means that, technically, dinosaurs did live between two-hundred-and-forty-five and sixty-six million years ago because time is a measurement used to determine change.”

The room is silent because Uncle Crowley isn’t responding to Malfoy or Hermione and Uncle ‘Zira has been content to stand back and let Uncle Crowley do the talking. Harry is content to just Not Get Involved.

“Maybe the joke isn’t for humanity, maybe it’s for you,” Luna Lovegood says into the silence. She sounds like she usually does; like she’s more interested in Other Things that other people know nothing about. She reminds him of his Uncle’s sometimes, the way she just zones out and seems to be listening to something Harry can’t hear. Right now, however, Luna doesn’t remind him of his Uncle’s; he doesn’t know what she reminds him of, only that it’s something Big and Important and Beyond Him. “Or perhaps it’s a test.”

Harry would like for this whole conversation to end now please because the whole afternoon is getting away from them and he really did want to go flying on his broom before it got too dark to see in front of his face. Unfortunately, like most things lately, that plan is now in shambles and he’s stuck in this sort of painful situation of watching his Uncle’s quietly—or not so quietly, in Uncle Crowley’s case—question everything they thought they knew.

Existential crises happen even to celestial beings, apparently.

“Who cares!” Ginny’s voice echoes around the room, loud and a little startling. The room at large sort of looks at her; she’s doesn’t appear to be bothered by that. “I want to know about these Stegosawns, Hermione mentioned; they sound wicked.”

That—Harry notes—breaks whatever strange tension has been steadily filling the room since his Uncle’s entered and the students start to mutter amongst themselves; obviously they agree with Ginny and would really like this conversation to end now, there’s way more interesting things to learn about, thanks.

Harry is all too happy to oblige.

“Stegosaurs, or Stegosaurus,” he corrects, giving Ginny a smile, “were herbivores that had armour-plating on their back and spikes on their tails. Definitely not something a predator wanted to fight if they were weak or injured. They probably weighed as much as a dragon and were probably as big, depending on the breed of dragon.”

“Woah, wicked,” Fred or George say and there’s a general murmur of agreement amongst the students. “Imagine running into one of those when out for a walk.”

“I think I’d prefer the dragon, actually,” a fourth-year Ravenclaw remarks to a smatter of laughter.

Harry sees his Uncle’s slink out of the room—well, Uncle Crowley slinks, Uncle ‘Zira just walks—and resolves to visit them later tonight. He thinks they might appreciate him there to distract them from whatever Thoughts Malfoy and Hermione have given them about their purpose and stuff. Gods know, Harry would appreciate the distraction if he were in their place.

But, for now, he has dinosaurs to talk about with some purebloods who seem much more enthusiastic about learning about giant lizards the size of dragons. He wonders how they’ll react to the Brontosaurus; it should be entertaining, at least.[7]

.

.

[1] To understand the expectation people, have for teenage boys to be interested in dinosaurs, you have to consider the fact that dinosaurs are viewed as something of a Violent and Bloody Topic fit only for Boys and Men. Why? Because society loves to treat girls like their only worth is to be found in looking pretty but being stupid and vapid. A girl with a personality or a brain must in want of a husband who can put her back into society’s True Woman Mold. Harry, thanks to his Uncle’s, isn’t in the slightest bit impressed with this tripe and, as such, takes great delight in learning about things Boys Shouldn’t Be Interested In as well as pushing Hermione and Ron’s sister, Ginny, to learn things Girls Shouldn’t Be Interested In. It’s very entertaining as well as educational.

[2] Why Tuesdays is anyone’s guess really, but it does serve to ensure that Harry knows what day of the week it is if he ever spontaneously forgets that Tuesdays exist.

[3] Harry places a bet with Hermione—ignoring her huffy comment about how she doesn’t “bet” even as she places said bet—that not a single pureblood at Hogwarts will know anything about dinosaurs. Hermione thinks Harry’s assumption regarding pureblood education simply must be wrong since there are magical creatures that could be living dinosaurs considering how old they are.

[4] The fact that Harry is only right about the Slytherin—Arnold Renard—being a half-blood rather than a pureblood is less because Harry possesses excellent deductive reasoning skills and more to do with the fact that he’s rather good at just guessing stuff about people. If he ever sat down and really thought about how he knows this stuff, Harry would discover that he actually does have good deductive reasoning skills but a rather poor working memory when it comes to recognising such deductions consciously.

[5] The realisation that they can quite literally affect the entirety of the British Wizarding World by talking about dinosaurs, science, astronomy, heck, even yoga is something of a revelation for the two. The long-term impact on pureblood rhetoric is most apparent by the next generation of magical children; and the impact is wonderful.

[6] Aziraphale enjoys the sight of Crowley looking so stumped but the actual topic of conversation is one that will bother Aziraphale for a long time to come. The idea that they don’t know exactly what She has planned. The idea that a child can ask such a question and reveal that they, angels and demons, are assuming so much; it’s terrifying because it means they could be wrong. Being wrong sounds like a dangerous thing to be when one is an angel, afterall.

[7] It is.

[readwithmichelle]

Books I Read in May

For the month of May, which was my first real month back to reading books for my own pleasure and not for classes, I read 4 books. Not a lot, I know, but I’m kind of a variable reader - sometimes I devour books in a matter of days, and others it takes me a few weeks. I suppose it depends on how much a book gripped me.  Anyway, for the month of May I read Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom, both by Leigh Bardugo, as well as Among the Hollow by Roman Ankenbrandt, and American Pharoah by Joe Drape. 

Six of Crows was my first foray into Leigh Bardugo’s Grishaverse. I first heard of the book when I worked at a bookstore, and one of the assistant managers mentioned it as one of her very favorite books she had ever read. I frequently saw the duology when I was straightening shelves or recommending books to teenage readers. When it finally came time for me to leave the store for my next job, I ended up grabbing Six of Crows and buying it with the intention of reading it. I even managed to start it, but then I decided to go back to school, and all pleasure reading went out the window.  It would be another 2 YEARS before I picked Six of Crows back up. Initially I tried out the audiobook - which wasn’t bad but not really my cup, and then I bought it as an eBook as a bundle with it’s sequel. Once I dug in, I couldn’t stop. I devoured Six of Crows in the matter of about a week. I adored the writing - if there is one thing Leigh Bardugo is good at, it’s dialogue and the careful art of showing and not telling. It took me almost 100 pages to understand what the Grisha were and what the deal with this new fantasy world was, but despite that it very much reads as a standalone that does not need the presence of the Grisaverse trilogy behind it.  The story is mildly predictable, but the plot isn’t really what drives the story - it’s the characters. The internal motivations of Kaz, Inej, Wylan, Jesper, Nina, and Matthias are the cornerstone of this story, and they’re what make it a truly enjoyable read - not necessarily the story itself. I imagine, if you wanted a definition of a character driven story, this would be it. The characters - in particular Kaz and Inej gripped me pretty much immediately, and I was completely invested in them and what they had gone through. It also totally emotionally compromised me.  Rating: 5/5 Stars The same could be said of Crooked Kingdom, though this one felt a little bit less cohesive than Six of Crows, which had a clear goal. Crooked Kingdom has the Crows being pit against just about everyone in Kerch, and with everyone looking for a piece of them, the story felt a little all over the place for it. That said, we got more of that sweet, sweet character backstory and development, and I will not deny that I was completely incapacitated by Kaz and Inej’s moments together. I felt pleased to have continued with these characters, and it was a real page turner - I had intended to give myself a few days before starting Crooked Kingdom after finishing Six of Crows, but I HAD to know what happened next so I started it pretty much within an hour of finishing the first book.  When it comes to THAT scene, it was a bit more emotionally upsetting than I anticipated. The character involved was not one of my favorites, and I found them kind of problematic as a character. That didn’t stop me from tearing up. I feel, perhaps unlike many other fans of this book that it was a “justified” moment. I will go further into detail at another time about this specific scene with spoilers, but not in this recap.  Ultimately the story felt extremely satisfying. I was glad to see where it ended, and was so incensed about not getting to continue with certain characters that I pretty much threw my Kindle away from me in a fit of frustration. I desperately want to know where these characters end up, so if Leigh Bardugo could come out with a third book and make it a trilogy, I would be forever in her debt.  Rating: 5/5 Stars After that whirlwind I ended up deciding to read Among the Hollow by Roman Ankenbrandt. This is a debut work, and apparently didn’t really make a big splash when it was released. It has less than 50 reviews between Goodreads and Amazon where it was self-published. This one was a surprise for me. The reviews for it are exceptionally high, so I hoped that perhaps it would be a fun one - and it was. But it also was extremely refreshing. The setting is inspired by Ancient Byzantium - a setting that is exceptionally uncommon in my experience, and it features my very favorite kind of magic to use in stories - necromancy. If you know me, you know that I’m absolutely crazy about Garth Nix’s Old Kingdom Series. They’re some of my very favorite novels, so this was a no brainer for me. The interpretation of Necromancy ended up being the surprise. The magic system of how it works is very soft, but is present just enough that I do not feel as though I don’t understand it.  When it comes to the characters, our main cast is that of Sevila, and Aurel. Aurel is a spirit that contracts with Sevila to get their body back, and from there it’s a whirlwind. Perhaps one of my favorite aspects of this story is that Aurel desperately wants to do good things, but people are so scared of them as a spirit that they cannot. Sevila, who has the capability, has no desire to do good things, and the conflict between Aurel and Sevila over that is interesting. Of the two of them, however, Sevila is probably my favorite character - she is barely likable, and is a strong morally grey main character. Also, I love that she’s an unabashed lesbian who does not pretend to be something she is not. The book races towards it’s end very quickly, and my biggest gripe about the whole book is that it feels too short. At 299 pages on the eBook edition it is on the shorter end of books I have read. Perhaps I am greedy, and merely wanted to spend more time with the characters in that setting, but I strongly felt that some scenes could use some fleshing out, or new scenes could have been added between Sevila and Aurel. Ultimately, it is a very good debut book, and I hope this author publishes more in the future. At the end of the book there very much feels like there is more story to tell, more adventures to be had.  Rating: 5/5 Stars The final book I read for the month was American Pharoah by Joe Drape. This is a biography about the 2015 Triple Crown winning horse. A little background information if you will - I am an avid horse racing fan. I watch it regularly (have it set to record on Hulu!), and have watched the Triple Crown races every year since I was around 8 years old. I have had my heart broken by horse racing more times than I’ve been in relationships.  My relationship with the sport is still contentious at times. I don’t care for most of the breeding practices, and I don’t like that people with money throw it around to get essentially a commodity, not an animal. The Thoroughbred breed has suffered for it.  So when it came to reading this book, I was a little apprehensive - it claims to be an untold story. The story of American Pharoah is quite well known among horse racing fans - so what could be untold? Ultimately, it was the stories of his connections, and his early training years that were untold, I suppose.  The owners of American Pharoah, Zayat Stables - especially Ahmed Zayat don’t come out of this book looking particularly good. In fact he looks like a billionare with too much money to throw around and a “get rich quick” scheme to boot. Bob Baffert, legendary trainer as he is, is given a softer approach, but not by much. The book makes sure to mention his previous to 2015 doping scandals and the time he got scammed by a guy. This is compounded by hindsight too; Bob Baffert’s second Triple Crown Winner - Justify (2018 winner) - was revealed to have been doped (intentionally or not is irrelevant) in the race before the Kentucky Derby, and the scandal rocked the horse racing world quite heavily - it even ended up on the New York Times.  As the book says, there are very few saints in the Horse Racing industry.  On top of examining the human connections to this once in a life time horse, the book also examines the effect that the rich and elite have had on the industry - everything from purchasing habits to breeding trends - the most damning part of the book is how it details the pervading millionaire view of race horses as personal ATMs, how they don’t even know the names of the people who care for their horses, and worst perhaps of all, their desires have shaped the breed itself. Horses used to be raced upwards of 20 times in their lifetimes, and their conformation - or the way they are built - reflected their stamina and strength. Today’s Thoroughbreds barely race more than 10 times in their entire career, and much has been published examining the fragility of the breed in the wake of Eight Belles and Barbaro’s very public breakdowns on the track.  Even Seth Hancock - perhaps one of the most well known names in horse racing - has said “I don’t breed them like I used to” and that is because people want fast horses, not strong horses. This book drives that point home multiple times.  Ultimately, the book itself is a fast read, and enjoyable to boot, though it spends an uncomfortable amount of time giving the lurid details of Thoroughbred horse breeding. My biggest gripes with it is that it has a few grammatical errors and I found the passage about Bob Baffert being scammed a tad unnecessary.  Rating: 4/5 Stars For the Month of June I intend to finish a few books I started in May - The Graves are Walking by John Kelly, Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir, and Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo. I also intend to (if I can get through the depressing but enlightening account of the Irish Potato Famine) read If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio, The Vine Witch by Luanne G. Smith, The Empress of Salt and Fortune by Nghi Vo, and The Last Temptations of Iago Wick by Jennifer Rainey. 

[tlbodine]

Three 1970s Horrors Worth Watching (that are not part of this film series)

The Horror by the Decade series started innocuously enough, with someone requesting some recent film recommendations. That got me to thinking about trends, and recommendations from previous decades, and how many movies that were true classics I was familiar with but had never seen, and thus the idea “hey, let’s watch movies from every decade!” came into being. 

But obviously you can’t watch every horror movie from every year, so there had to be a selection process in place. Here’s roughly how I’ve been choosing movies: 

Search Google for “horror movies {year}” for each year of the decade 

Research them a bit and pick out everything that is familiar, historically significant, or seems especially interesting, and put them on a list

Pare the list down to 1-2 of the most interesting titles per year 

Look for themes and pair movies up according to theme (since we watch two movies a week)

In order to save time, any movie that both I and @comicreliefmorlock have seen recently/a lot gets knocked off the list. In the 1970s, that means removing three extremely good, extremely important movies, so I wanted to talk about them a bit here. 

Follow below the cut for thoughts on Jaws, The Exorcist, and Alien

Jaws, made in 1975 by Steven Spielberg, is based on a novel of the same name written by  Peter Benchley. Richard Dreyfuss and Roy Scheider team up to kill an unusually large and aggressive great white shark that is terrorizing the beach in a quiet New England town. 

Fun fact: Until Star Wars was released two years later, Jaws was the highest-grossing movie of all time! This is probably due in part to how much money Universal decided to sink into its distribution and marketing, but the film’s quality has to play a big part too. It really is a magnificent movie and is probably a big part of why people are still scared of sharks. 

Some things that are notable about Jaws: 

It has one of the most iconic and effective film scores in cinema. Everyone knows the Jaws theme, and it’s been used to basically mean “impending danger!” in a jokey way for...I mean, at least 30 years, because I know that was a meme when I was a kid. I imagine it has been since 1975. That’s just a really impressive feat, and John Williams (yes, the Star Wars guy) deserves acclaim for it. 

Music aside, Jaws is an excellent study in suspense and restraint. Technological limitations meant they couldn’t show the shark as much as they’d wanted, so scenes had to be filmed suggestively to ramp up the tension. (You do still get to see a lot of wonderful big scary shark, though, and honestly the effects still hold up pretty well to this day) 

The performances are really good, too. The leads have a great chemistry and play off of each other really well. The script was a joint effort, getting passes from several people (including the book’s author), but a comedian  Carl Gottlieb got a pass at it, and that humor really helps to elevate the film. 

The most powerful thing about Jaws, though, is that it taps into a mythic seed that renders it utterly timeless. There is an echo of Moby Dick in Quint’s character and motives, with a similarly tragic arc. But it draws on something older and deeper, too. The premise of “man-eating wild animal terrorizes a community, a bounty is put on its head, only a hero can kill it” has been a staple of mythology for thousands of years. 

Man-eaters are real, and they become the stuff of legend -- dating at least as far back to the monstrous Nemean Lion that could be slain only by Heracles. Historically, there are accounts of man-eating wolves, lions, tigers, etc. terrorizing locals, sometimes inspiring local werewolf legends - you can read about just a few of them here: https://listverse.com/2010/10/16/top-10-worst-man-eaters-in-history/ 

I think I watched Jaws for the first time when I was 8 (I saw all the sequels too, there was a cable marathon) and I was utterly captivated. I feel pretty confident if I showed it to an 8-year-old today, they would be too. It’s just that kind of movie. 

The Exorcist, released in 1973 and directed by  William Friedkin, was based on a novel by  William Peter Blatty, who also wrote the screenplay. 

The story is about a 12-year-old girl, Regan, who begins acting strangely after playing with a ouija board. Once medical causes are ruled out, her mother turns to two priests for assistance; they come to perform the exorcism and have a harder time than expected with casting out the demon, to say the least. 

The film is still considered one of the most frightening horror movies of all time by some, and at the time of its release it was a sensation. Movie-goers were said to have all sorts of reactions, from fainting and vomiting to having miscarriages and heart attacks. Contemporary psychologists even wrote about “cinematic neurosis” in people who had watched the film: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1151359

The story crossed a lot of boundaries (even for the 1970s) and you have to bear in mind that this was a major cinematic release, not a grindhouse exploitation film. Most film-goers in 1973 were absolutely not prepared to see an innocent child spouting off vulgarity, urinating on the floor, and masturbating with a crucifix. And some of the practical effects, like the famous head-twisting scene, are still really creepy. 

This is one of those movies that’s hard to watch with fresh eyes because it was so influential on all of cinema to follow. If you like demonic possession movies, this is the film that started it all. I know religious people who are deeply afraid of this movie and won’t allow it in their home for fear of inviting real demons, so, that’s the kind of staying power the story has. 

** As an atheist, I am not particularly frightened of demon movies, and I suspect I will never fully grasp the real terror of watching something like this for people who believe that these types of things happen in real life. The Exorcist is definitely not the scariest movie I’ve ever seen, but I can respect that it definitely is for many other people. 

Fun trivia: The Exorcist is considered by some to be cursed because the cast and crew had an unusually tough time with filming: the set caught fire (but Regan’s room was undamaged), several actors were injured during practical stunts/effects, several people died during filming or in post-production (not on set), and the demon’s voice actor experienced an awful tragedy years later when her son killed wife, kids, and himself: http://www.the13thfloor.tv/2015/12/02/is-the-exorcist-movie-cursed/

The events are all most likely coincidental (and on a long enough timeline, everyone involved with a project will be dead!) but it lends power to the suspicion that this was A Very Cursed Movie That God Doesn’t Want You To Watch, which makes it all the more frightening. 

Alien, directed by Ridley Scott, came out in 1979 and is so powerful that it’s still a popular franchise today, spawning books, movies, video games, merchandise, and more. 

The story is essentially a haunted house film set in space. A commercial space crew is woken from stasis by the ship's on-board computer to answer a distress signal, discovering a derelict alien ship and founding a chamber of eggs belonging to an aggressive, parasitic alien creature that infests a crew member with its egg, which later hatches violently from his body, grows up, and proceeds to terrorize the ship. 

It's a tense cat-and-mouse game of searching for the alien as it picks off crew members one by one, and the music, atmosphere, and visuals are all compelling, with effects that still hold up pretty well for modern audiences. But what makes Alien especially significant is the performance of Sigourney Weaver as Ripley. 

We’d had scream queens before -- female horror protagonists who survive as “final girls” against the mayhem and slaughter -- but Ripley is something different. She is badass, heroic in a way that girls rarely got to see themselves, and laying down a template for strong female characters in future cinema (for better or worse). 

The script was reportedly written to be gender neutral, with no assumptions about casting, which allowed Ripley to defy gender norms and expectations. But despite this supposed gender neutrality, there is a definite flavor of female horror in Alien -- which is, after all, a movie about forced impregnation and death at the hands of a decidedly phallic monster. 

And that is, I think, probably right at the heart of the film’s sticking power. Science fiction can swiftly become dated as our knowledge of the universe expands, but the horror of Alien isn’t really the aliens so much as what they represent -- and sad to say, sexual violence is something we humans may never understand. Here’s a fun essay on the topic: https://www.newstatesman.com/culture/film/2019/03/forty-years-what-can-ridley-scott-s-alien-teach-metoo-generation

So, there you have it. Three movies we will not be watching in our film series, but which you absolutely should check out if you somehow haven’t seen them. 

[oscopelabs]

Telling Lies In America 1985-1995: The Joe Eszterhas Era by Jessica Kiang

“Written by Joe Eszterhas” is a phrase that has not had much of a workout on US cinema screens in over twenty years—and it’s arguable whether the 1997, 19-screen nationwide release of certifiable shitshow Burn Hollywood Burn: An Alan Smithee Film exactly qualifies as “a workout.” But for those of us who had the parental training wheels come off our theatrical filmgoing in the late ‘80s or early ‘90s, there were few individuals more central to our cinematic coming-of-age. And with perhaps the sole exception of Shane Black, a different animal in any case, none of the others—the Spielbergs, Camerons, Tarantinos—were exclusively screenwriters. For over a decade, the Hungarian-born, Hollywood-minted superstar writer of Basic Instinct bestrode the adult-oriented commercial screenwriting mainstream like a smirking colossus in a tight dress wearing no underwear. And given that Hollywood is primarily how the USA, the most loudly, proudly self-created of nations, expresses itself to itself and to the rest of the world, by the man’s own bombastic standards it’s only a slight exaggeration to suggest that America, between the years of 1985 and 1995, was written by Joe Eszterhas.

But for all the dominance he exerted, the rules he rewrote and the sheer money he made, examining Eszterhas’ heyday today feels like an act of paleontology, even for those of us who lived through it. 1992 is not so very distant; in a variety of ways it is still with us. It was the year Quentin Tarantino, whose latest film is in theaters right now, broke out with his first, Reservoir Dogs. It was the year the current loathsome, racist, tinpot President of the United States made a cameo appearance in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, back when he was merely a loathsome, racist, tinpot property tycoon. It was the year that the number one box office spot was taken by Disney’s animated Aladdin, which felt close enough in time that the live-action remake which—and I’ve checked my notes on this, apparently was a thing that happened to us in 2019—felt entirely too soon.

But it was also the year of Paul Verhoeven’s Basic Instinct, the sine qua non of Eszterhas-penned films. And if Sharon Stone’s lascivious leg-cross (Verhoeven’s invention, incidentally, not Eszterhas’) provided posterity with the most iconic upskirt of a blonde in a white dress since Marilyn Monroe’s encounter with a subway grate, that is largely all that remains to us of it today. Well, that and the instantly forgotten sequel (sans Eszterhasian involvement) that already seemed wildly anachronistic in 2006. The original film, its writer, the erotic thriller genre it exemplified, the dunderheaded sexual politics it upheld while attempting to subvert, the whole idea of a mainstream screenwriter having a brand at all (even one as loosely defined as “writer of films you don’t tell your parents you snuck into”), all seem like ancient relics. These are the artifacts not only of a bygone age but of an extinct genus, a whole evolutionary branch that was nipped in the bud so comprehensively that even now scientists might argue over how closely the skeletons of certain bird species resemble the bones of Basic Instinct.

This containment, however, is what makes looking back at the Eszterhas era so fascinating. His brief Hollywood hegemony is a microcosmic event in cinematic history, one with a beginning, middle, and an end (barring some late-breaking epilogue, or a post fade-to-black pan down to an ice pick under the bed). And it didn’t start with his first produced screenplay, for the leaden Sylvester Stallone truckers-union drama F.I.S.T. (Norman Jewison, 1978), although the glimmer of future feats of financial alchemy was already present in the reported $400,000 he received for the novelization. Dawn really broke for Eszterhas, as it did for three of the only other people who could legitimately be termed his peers as purveyors of massively popular, high-concept, low-brow ‘80s sensationalism (producers Don Simpson and Jerry Bruckheimer, director Adrian Lyne), with 1983’s Flashdance.

It was an improbable success, less a film than an aerobics video occasionally interrupted by some awkward sassy banter and Jennifer Beals’ popping-flashbulb smile. Its vanishingly thin story, which Eszterhas co-wrote, is of an 18-year-old welder in a steel mill, who moonlights as an exotic dancer while aspiring to become a ballerina—a logline that sounds like a hoot of derision even as an unadorned description—and is full of Eszterhasian hallmarks. There’s the high degree of preposterousness. There’s the gym scene, during which the ladies of the cast grimace and lift weights in full makeup, and while here the frictionless unreality of Lyne’s TV-commerical aesthetic makes the sequence abstract, the peculiar faith in the erotic potential of a workout would recur in the squash sequence in Jagged Edge (Richard Marqund, 1985) and the ludicrous gym date in Sliver (Phillip Noyce, 1993).

And Flashdance also prefigures almost the entire Eszterhas oeuvre in being a story that centers on a woman’s experience and that laudably—if here laughably—positions her career ambitions as at least equal to her romantic aspirations in the mechanism of the plot. But, as elsewhere, it’s a view of women constructed by a proudly unreconstructed man, directed and photographed by men. (Eszterhas’ hard-drinking, womanizing, hellraising, Hunter S. Thompson-of-the-movies persona is enjoyably self-mythologized in his memoir Hollywood Animal.) If anything, what comes across most strongly in Eszterhas’ conception of a “strong woman” is his bafflement when tasked with imagining what such a woman might have going on inside her brain. His filmography may be full of female-fronted titles, and may contain the most famous mons venus in film history, but most of Eszterhas’ work could not be more male gaze-y f it were written from the point of view of an actual phallus, like the closing chapter of his 2000 book American Rhapsody, which is narrated by Bill Clinton's penis, Willard (I am not making this up).

This powerfully eroticized dissociation, this sexualized incomprehension of women as people with interior lives, is the animating idea behind the most Eszterhasian of Eszterhas scripts. But it’s a blank space in which directors, and especially actresses, could sometimes find room to create for themselves. Sharon Stone is genuinely, in-on-the-joke fantastic in Basic Instinct—who else could have delivered “What are you going to do, charge me with smoking?” as if it were an unreturnable Wildean riposte? Costa-Gavras’ Music Box (1989) is by some distance the sturdiest and least dated of Eszterhas movies, a lot due to its comparative sexlessness, but also because of a great, warm, real performance from an Oscar-nominated Jessica Lange. Debra Winger just about wins out in her more thankless role in Costa-Gavras’ first Eszterhas collaboration, Betrayed (1988). And Glenn Close imbues the heroine of the superior thriller Jagged Edge with such shrewdness that it’s almost a liability to the believability of the central deception.

But live by the sword, die by the sword, and when the director/actress combo fails to operate in similar sympathy we get Stone horribly miscast as a… sexy wallflower?… in Sliver, or Linda Fiorentino visibly flailing as a… downtrodden femme fatale?… in Jade, or poor Elizabeth Berkley thrashing wildly about in the neon-lit swimming pool of kitsch that is Showgirls. In these failures, the writer’s almost panicky vision of women as vast, dangerous cognitive black holes is best revealed. But then, mistrust of the opposite sex is only one aspect of the wider mystery that underpins even Eszterhas’ outlier titles: his entire output is preoccupied with how little any of us can ever know anyone.

In Eszterhas’ semi-autobiographical Telling Lies In America (Guy Ferland, 1997), a teenage Hungarian immigrant (Brad Renfro) is dazzled by Kevin Bacon's smooth-talking DJ, but blindly unable to work out if he is friend or fiend. Music Box details a lawyer’s dawning disillusionment over her adored father's murderous past—eerily mirroring Eszterhas’ discovery of his own father’s collaboration with the Hungarian Nazi regime. Betrayed has Winger’s FBI agent falling for Tom Berenger’s farmer only to discover he is, in fact, the neo-Nazi she insisted to her bosses he was not, in similar vein to Jagged Edge, in which Close’s lawyer discovers that the lover she successfully defended actually dunnit after all.

Oftentimes, the credulity-stretching ambivalence of these characters is all that powers the suspense, as in the is-she-gonna-kill-him-or-is-she-just-orgasming moments in Basic Instinct. In the misbegotten Nowhere to Run (Robert Harmon, 1993) Jean-Claude Van Damme plays a ruthless ex-con turned valiant protector, his blockish inertia apparently meant to signal that inner ambiguity. More often, it leads to final-act fake-out twists so unmoored to anything like recognizable motivation that they become weirdly weightless, as in Sliver when Stone’s Carly does not know if she’s killed the right man until the final four seconds of the film, and where, had the coin-flip gone the other way, it would still be equally (un)believable.

If it’s part of the egotistical remit of the writer to believe they have an insight into human psychology, it’s remarkable how much of Eszterhas’ oeuvre pivots around how fundamentally unknowable people are to one another. And while that schtick, by which you can’t tell if someone cares for you or is simply a talented sociopathic mimic, resonated briefly at the exact moment when the grasping, solipsistic ‘80s were segueing into the untrustworthy, PR-managed ‘90s, it proved not to have much long-game sustain. Critics had always been sniffy about Eszterhas, who clearly mopped up his tears with massive wads of 100 dollar bills. But when audiences started staying away, like in the Showgirls and Jade-blighted annus horribilis of 1995, the inflationary bubble that allowed Eszterhas to command millions for two-page outlines scribbled, one suspects, on the back of strip club napkins, abruptly burst. The idea of screenwriter-as-auteur, or rather as reliable bellwether of commercial success, proved a fallacy, an expensive experiment that began and ended with Joe Eszterhas, its earliest progenitor, luckiest beneficiary, and biggest casualty.

Glossy, vacuous, adult-themed thrillers were not the only thing going on in Hollywood, and Eszterhas was not the only big-name screenwriter. Shane Black, writer of Lethal Weapon, also commanded astronomical sums for his early ‘90s scripts, but the key difference is that Black wrote in the register of the franchise-able action-spectacular blockbuster that would eventually trounce all others as the Hollywood model for the future. Black has gone on to become part of the Marvel machine as a writer and director, while aside from one Hungarian-language period film, Children of Glory (Krisztina Goda, 2006), Eszterhas’ contribution to the pop cultural landscape post-2000 has been in the form of self-aggrandizing memoirs, or highly public fallings-out with celebrities, like Mel Gibson, of a similarly corked vintage.

The tastemaker point of view has historically been to consider Eszterhas among the worst things that ever happened to Hollywood—so much so that disdain-dripping sarcasm seems to be the fallback for critics summarizing his impact. But while no one is going to make the case for the man’s filmography as some sort of artistic landmark, the Eszterhas era did represent one of the last gasps of a Hollywood that believed, however misguidedly, in personality over product, when the idiosyncrasies, idiocies and ideologies of a single person—a writer at that—could, with studio backing and a 1,500 theater release strategy, influence the cinematic development of an entire generation. That might not have seemed like a good thing but retrospect, like cocaine, is a helluva drug and in 2019, with blandly anonymous, market-tested content churned out by mega-corporations bi-weekly to siphon your hard-earneds away, the kind of salacious tackiness Eszterhas represented feels oddly adorable, even quaint. Now that singular talents—even the obnoxious and objectionable ones—who could make decent returns on mid-budget, adult-oriented mainstream fare, have been steamrollered by infantilizing, monolithic billion-dollar mega-franchises, it’s hard not to be a little nostalgic for the vanished hiccup of time when Hollywood briefly uncrossed its legs for Joe Eszterhas, and Joe Eszterhas told us all what he saw.