#the bill: episode: replica

[augustusaugustus]

13.86 Replica

Steve and Gary chase a man who turns out to have a modified replica gun. This is handy, given that CID have just returned from a failed raid on the guy they know is responsible for the modded gun.

[flyingfortress1]

Hello, so first time using tumblr- admittedly the hbo war fandom is the most engaged I've ever been in a fandom, so bear with me here- I'm a sucker for military history and more specifically, the people who fought in it.

Anyway- watched bob for the first time a few months, then pacific, and watched masters of the air as it came out earlier this year. Loved all three, but pretty new to everything- except for masters of the air because I certainly may or may not have hyper researched the crap out of b-17s in high school lol. Currently rewatching bob now, and reading Eugene Sledge's book which is super interesting.

Finished the first episode of band of brothers- this show is definently worth a rewatch because I get into it so much more because now I know who the fuck they all are haha. Also, thanks to the wonderful researching fans here, I know a lot more about the real life people- and boy, it does give some context to scenes in this first episode. So firstly, the Winters-Sobel feud- knowing that Winters was a bit petty, makes me really see the passive-aggressiveness in Damian Lewis's performance now- no, he really didn't have to take the court martial, I really don't think Sobel thought he was going to, but Dick really went, time to stick it to you mf. and the bit where he's riding in the jeep with Buck. Like Dick. Dickie- don't put yourself in a position where you can take from these men- I don't know if that's just a show line or what, but at least in the show, it comes off as a tad dramatic lol. Does he really think the enlisted dudes are going to jump Buck or something??? And Buck accusing Dick of being jealous is honestly pretty funny.

Also, I have learned that Johnny Martin and Bill Guarnere were good pals- which gives so much context now to the scene where Martin gets the letter about Bill's brother's death. And what's funny, if you pause when Bill's reading the letter, you can actually read it- and dunno if it's a replica of a real letter- but honestly, Martin's wife is kinda sweet in it, like getting letters from Martin is the highlight of her day. It really reminds you of how connected we are- can just text someone anytime. Also, this whole bit implies that Martin told her about Guarnere, his bud, and she actually watched the casuality lists for his brother's name, or at least knew to recognize it- and if you read the letter, communicated with Fran??? Kinda wild, but honestly poor Bill.. I heard his brothe'rs death was always hard, and I had a friend who lost her brother recently, so seen that pain a bit firsthand. What an awful time to find that out- and Hughes performance there while they're all watching the movie, is really good. Like, you can feel Bill almost having a panic attack almost, but he can't do anything cause he's in a public place. I found out a (admittedly not too close friend) died while I was in a public place, and while it's probably no where near close to what Bill experienced in that scene, it's interesting being able to relate to that. Like shock/denial at the reality, but having to maintain your emotions.

Last thought- Hoobler reaching for the luger just makes me want to tie this boy up, knowing what's going to happen, sweet jesus, no luger for you, Hoobler. Talk about foreshadowing btw.

Sorry about the long bit- its the combined history/english major in me lol. Also, would totally recommend the band of brother's podcast on spotify- interviews with writers, cast, and Tom Hanks- super interesting.

[randomfoggytiger]

The Scully Family In-Depth (Part XXIII): Loss, Second Chances, and In Absentia

We begin the countdown to the end of the Scully Family series!

Today, we tackle a broad array of subjects: complicated familial dynamics, well-intentioned meddling, and conflicted yearnings.

A VERY MERRY MISCOMMUNICATION

The episode opens on Bill and Tara’s Christmas display-- specifically, Tara herself: great with child and jubilation. When her husband unlocks the front door, she rushes over to greet her guests, beaming under Maggie’s effusive, “Look at you!” and Dana’s “You’re huge.”

“Sorry about the digs, Mom, I know you hoped you’d never have to spend another night in base housing,” Bill pipes up, displaying a natural conscientiousness. 

“Are you kidding? This is wonderful.” 

It’s Scully who is taken aback by the obvious: “It’s the exact same layout as our old house.”  

Her brother nods, half amused, “Well, that’s the Navy for you.” 

“Bill tells me, Mom that you’re going to be staying in your old room; and the nursery’s going to be in--” Tara briefly pauses, looking back at her husband for confirmation, “--Dana and Melissa’s room.” 

He and Tara quite obviously believe the house will delight their guests; and are just as obviously delighted with it themselves. It seems their move here is rather recent (or recent enough that Maggie hasn’t flown out to throw a housewarming party, yet) and kept as secretive as possible from their family. 

This points to a few things:

Bill seems exultant to live once again on familiar turf-- a doppelganger childhood home-- and to grow his own child up in that replica. 

Tara is overjoyed to take part in that dream with him, and build their life in a copy of the happy memories of his childhood. Meaning, the stories he must have told about his growing up years were tender and fun and nostalgic; and she wanted their child to have a similar happy experience. 

Both Bill and Tara are proud of their cookie-cutter house; but are more proud that they not only kept it as a surprise but are able to shock Maggie and Scully with it. This points to a generosity of spirit: that, although celebrating their first Christmas together as parents, they still took the time to plan around their extended family.

Yet, amidst their happiness, Bill stops to recognize that his mom isn’t a fan of base housing; and Tara to assure her mother-in-law that she has the rights to her own room and familiar comforts. 

As rampageously happy as the two are to share this experience with Maggie and Scully, they miss a few saddened moments: Dana uncomfortably smiling over sleeping in the room she used to share with her dead sister, and Maggie lagging behind to process her losses in this replica Christmas house. 

Scully, however, notices that her mom is hanging back; and she stops her ascent upstairs to check in: “Mom? You okay?”

“Oh, yeah”, Maggie brushes aside, turning from the tree. “Just thinking about your Dad. And Melissa,” she adds as she sweeps by and up the stairs. It would seem both Scully women have the same determination as their hosts: contribute to an impeccable family holiday. While husband and wife think that’s fitting up rooms to reignite nostalgia, mother and daughter think that's setting aside their unease at these reminders-- i.e. getting over themselves-- so Christmas won't be spoiled.

Scully is stopped from following the family up the stairs by a phone call: an unmarked woman’s voice-- Melissa’s. 

“Dana.”

“Yes, I’m sorry, who is this?”

“Dana. She needs your help.”  

It’s not here (as I first assumed) that Scully panics, running up the stairs and insisting she heard her late sister’s voice and insisting Bill drive her to a random location. But panic is present as she dials up San Diego’s FBI extension and insists they trace the call; and bewildered panic is there as she arrives at the scene, Bill chauffeuring her in his car.

It’s a tiny but important detail about their relationship: Scully hasn’t shared with her brother why she needs to visit a stranger's address, doesn’t even tell him why when they arrive at a crime scene. But he supportively drives her over and patiently wait outside while she loiters in, begs for information, and sifts through the details the local force gives her. 

After she retreats (after she sees Emily Sim-- which will be discussed in a future post), she rejoins him outside; and Bill quietly asks, “Dana, what’s going on? They’re joking that you got a call from a dead woman.” 

This is interesting: either the police are loose-lipped chatters near unauthorized crime scene gawkers or Bill is rife with intelligent, circumspect behavior: 

Bill Scully knew exactly what to say to pry details from the investigation team; or

Bill Scully quietly and nonchalantly listened in on the other cops’ conversations, enough to know that his sister was talking with the detective about a phone call from beyond the grave. 

While not particularly earth-shattering, it’s a cool little insight into his character. 

At his gentle prodding-- and Bill is gentle, bending down and speaking softly (so different from but not dissimilar to Mulder’s methods)-- Scully opens up: “I thought it was a dead woman-- just not the one in there. I know it’s not possible, Bill, but it sounded just like her. Our sister.”

Bill’s freezes, unable to process this information. 

“Melissa,” Scully further clarifies. 

We’re not shown Bill's reaction-- or Scully’s reaction to his reaction-- instead swinging immediately over to the dinner scene. But that in itself is incredibly telling: both siblings are forced to address Melissa’s absence… and both siblings put it behind them as quickly as possible. Even more telling is the fact that Bill treats his sister with nothing but compassion this episode and the next, despite the direct ties between her work and their sister's death. It speaks to a largeness of character: despite being a bully (he was as a child, he was to Mulder, he can be-- though he tries to temper it-- with his sister), he never held Melissa’s death against his youngest sister. He is just and he is fair... in this judgment, least.

Their father and Bill and Scully (and possibly Charlie) all served their country; and with that service came duty and responsibility and danger. Melissa was a casualty to that service, just as their father’s crew members and many other innocent civilians were (or might have been) casualties in war. Bill himself could become a casualty to a future conflict or could fail to prevent other innocent lives from becoming casualties themselves. The fact that Bill understands and does not hold Scully responsible for Melissa’s death-- despite what his little sister could believe herself-- is an incredibly mature, nuanced take that I’m glad replaced the horrendous, stilted, one-sided perspective Memento Mori almost made canon (post here.) 

At dinner, Bill and Tara and Maggie are quietly conversing amongst themselves-- lightly catching up on neighbor or family gossip, I presume-- while Scully sits withdrawn and anxious. Before she gets up to leave, we get a glimpse of Bill and Tara’s comfortable interactions: he passes the food her way, without thought, and waits for her to grab her portion patiently. It takes no effort from him to be considerate to people he likes, which we can chalk up to his mother’s training growing up (e.g. post here.) 

Scully, visibly uncomfortable, leaves the Hallmark moment to call up her wayward partner (who jumps into frame in a Scrooge sleeping cap); but, despite a desperate need for reassurance or help or comfort, she hangs up the phone without speaking and returns to the table. This, here, proves that-- while Scully has made progress-- opening up to others is still a challenge for her. 

Which is desperately sad in hindsight: A Christmas Carol and Emily force Scully past her own barriers-- to admit her infertility to Maggie, to fight against her mother’s staunch insistence that Emily is not Melissa’s child, to attempt to defuse Bill’s suppositions, to beg for custody of her daughter, to accept her need for Mulder on this case. And to unfortunately feel that it was all for nothing: Emily dies; and Scully resurrects distance between herself, Mulder, and her family once again. 

She returns to the table, still ill at ease; and another dynamic from the cancer arc resurfaces: Bill notices that something’s wrong-- “Everything okay?”-- first, which then draws Maggie’s attention to her daughter. Again, this points to a keen observational ability on Bill’s part (which I’ve discussed here, and in his Personality Typing post here): he is able, almost without effort, to see through his sister’s disguises; but is, unfortunately, not able to translate his observations fluidly-- unlike Mulder. 

An interesting thought: if this be the case, it's easy to see why he hates Mulder so completely. He intuits that Mulder can see through Scully, as well (after observing him sitting by Scully’s bedside, kissing her hand, and advocating for his own form of treatment), but remains convinced that Mulder uses this to his advantage-- in effect, tricking her loyalty and pressing her pain points to keep her close to the work; and, selfishly, close to him. But, again, Bill can’t read people completely correctly: he senses the right emotion but miscalculates its underlying reasons. Because of this, he can sense his sister’s true feelings (“You think you can cure yourself”/”Is everything alright?”) and Mulder’s true feelings (“Was it worth it?”) and his mother’s true feelings (“You know what this is doing to Mom?”), but doesn’t temper those feelings with nuanced, mature perspective-- namely, he doesn’t try on other people’s shoes.This comes back to bite him: as much as he wants to help-- and he does-- Bill can only blunder around inelegantly while stepping-- ironically-- on pain point after pain point. 

Tara accidentally interrupts her husband’s quiet prodding with a loud exclamation: the baby kicked. Scully, alert (and slightly panicked) realizes it’s a false alarm; and is then trapped in a situation where everyone but herself is embracing the moment. Maggie, Tara, and Bill are all smiles as one parent chatters about her excitement and the other reaches his hand over naturally to feel his child move. 

“You had boys and girls-- so which one kicked more?” Tara asks; and Maggie responds fondly, “Oh, I had some pretty tough little girls”, while turning to catch Scully’s eye: an echo of her “You were always the strong one” in Memento Mori (post here.) 

Scully doesn’t respond, looking quietly from her mother back to her sister-in-law, eyebrows scrunching in pain as Tara cheerily rambles on about motherhood: “You know what? I can’t believe I’m about to say this-- as big and fat as I am now, I can’t wait to have more. This is our baby, our son. It kinda gives everything new meaning.”

At this, Maggie looks over to share the moment with Scully… and notices her daughter’s fallen face. Her son was onto something, after all. 

Speaking of Bill, at his wife’s closing statement-- “I can’t help but think life before now was… less. Just a prelude”-- he looks pleased as punch: a sentiment he obviously shares with her. Bill, the big, traditional family man; and Tara, the big, traditional family woman-- they’re suited to each other; and deliriously happy. However, he’s too shy or self-conscious to say it out loud, smiling at his wife before catching most of that smile back when Maggie happily locks eyes. It could be because he perceives an outward expression of tender emotion to be contrary to his masculinity-- an effect he and Scully took from their father-- or because he just feels giggly and googly-eyed and vulnerable over this new emotion. Either way, he clamps down on it as best he can… which isn’t a lot.

Afterwards, Maggie joins Scully in the kitchen, both of them pitching in to clean the dishes-- an exact mirror, three years later, of the last Christmas the two shared with Captain Scully. (As an aside: Scully washing dishes with her manicured, professional suit sleeves is so… Scully that it almost made me chuckle.)  

“What’s the matter?” her mother prods, refusing to let the issue go despite her daughter’s “Nothing.” Hand on her hip, she stares Dana down while the other woman turns aside, purposefully avoiding eye contact and sighing. 

Scully tries to shake the interrogation away with a half-truth, plopping a plate down roughly and turning defensively to get the matter over with: “Mom, I’m very happy for Bill and Tara.”

“You don’t seem to be.” 

The truth of that statement cracks through her defenses; and, after a momentary pause (where she looks to the side, up, and down-- like all the Scullys do when facing intense emotion), she gives up, sighing, “Oh, Mom.” Pausing for another long spell to pull her feelings together, she confesses, “Several months ago, I learned as a result of my abduction-- of what they did to me-- that I cannot conceive a child.”

Maggie is shocked and grieved; and immediately scoops her daughter up in a hug, knowing she needs it. Scully, like in Memento Mori, stands still: trying to cast off her own emotions by becoming the bearer up of others’ pain. 

“I’m so sorry,” her mother consoles. 

“It’s okay,” she rejoins-- voice vulnerable, cracked, young: so like the voice of Season 1 Scully that we know she is cut to the quick over this news. Her eyes begin to water and her face begins to crumble: and this is interesting because it shows she has still clung to the emotional growth of Redux II, not (yet) sliding back into complete, stone-walled distance. “I just never realized,” she continues, a vulnerability from her deathbed woven through her words, “how much I wanted it until I couldn’t have it.” 

This is the second time Scully's allowed herself to be completely open with her family (the first being Redux II.) And as hurtful and frightening as this vulnerability might be, Maggie is rewarding that openness with comfort and support; which, in turn, helps Scully open up that much more later on. 

The scene transitions to the nursery where Scully is sleeping-- the famed replica of her and her sister’s childhood bedroom-- surrounded by infantile toys and furniture. It’s here that her dreams begin to be plagued with memories and premonitions, nightmares of her (as yet unknown) child.

In her first dream, little Scully bursts in through the door with Bill in hot pursuit. He is in full bullying mode, threatening to turn the wild rabbit she rescued into stew-- and while he is obviously over-exaggerating to get a rise out of his gullible baby sister, it sets her ablaze in righteous fury: “No, you’re not!” she yells, pushing him backwards. Still, when he retreats, Scully doubts her abilities, yelling, “You’re not going to find him. …Bill!” as if she can call her brother back and reason with him. 

It’s not news that Bill was a bully and they had a sometimes turbulent relationship: in Gethsemane, she fondly recalled one of their arguments to a (presumable) family member before his arrival, regaling (with glee) how she either maneuvered or pushed him down the stairs. Still, these squabbles didn't break or deeply affect their relationship: she hung out with him and Charlie during her tomboy days, and the two brothers chipped in one year to surprise her with a bb gun (posts here and here.) What I find interesting is that Bill could see through her even then; and that, while Scully tried to put up a brave front, he never seemed to buy it.

But that brings up another valuable point: Scully believes she’s gotten away with a false front (post here); but in reality? No one-- not her mother, not her father, not her sister, not her brother, not her partner, not even her boss-- is fooled by her pretenses. Scully herself believes she’s being incognito when she’s painfully transparent; and that aspect-- her inability to lie believably-- is coded deeply into her character (and was one of the reasons Gillian Anderson was frustrated that Chris Carter hadn’t told her Scully was in on Mulder’s Redux I collusion.)

(Also, as another side note: I know they couldn’t direct the little girl to mimic Gillian’s faces, but the casting crew were incredible: they picked one who made an identical expression naturally. Look at that face! It’s Scully’s when faced with horror, anxiety, or fear.)  

Little Scully sneaks down to the basement where she pulls out a large, tin storage container; and, unfortunately, finds a very dead rabbit inside. After staring silently in horror, she looks back at the stairs and sees Emily. The dream, then, does something interesting: the camera shoots back to young Scully to show her unnaturally blank face, leaving us to conclude this moment has bled in with current Scully’s processing unconscious: 

Scully recalls the moment when she accidentally killed an animal; yet later, she also purposefully kills a snake (after disobeying her father’s orders.) After each incident, she is horrified, but it’s not until she makes an active decision to take a life that the weight of her guilt comes crashing down. While terrified after finding the dead rabbit-- and feeling the horror of it years later-- the cost of her actions hadn’t sunk in. This means she was too young, at the time, to fully understand or grapple with what she’d done; and it’s only now, in hindsight, that the weight of this moment is oozing inward. 

Despite the dead rabbit and the dead snake, Scully joined medical school to study dead bodies. Knowing Scully’s mentality, how much of that was penance or morbid curiosity before it became her preferred calling? Death itself seems to spook, not intrigue her (post here); and finding answers to its causes soothes her worries and gives her peace. So, if that be the case, a fear of death-- or her actions contributing to a death-- would, perhaps, lead her to seek out a way to control it: interpreting, understanding, and translating Death in terms that are concrete and immutable. Hence, her career choice.  

Emily appears on the stairs in her floral onesie, blankly looking down on young Dana while clutching the railing. Scully, then, is tying her neglect of this case-- of boxing away this little stranger as an unfixable tragedy-- in with the preventable death of her rabbit. Which is even sadder, in hindsight, because her own unconscious was whispering that this child was doomed to a terrible end; and her guilty, self-conscious reflex was stating that it would be her fault.

She wakes up at this moment to a second phone call: Melissa again; and this points to four other conclusions: 

Emily Sim and Melissa are inextricably linked: either Melissa’s second phone call-- which Scully would have heard, though she hadn’t woken up yet-- was what triggered her dream appearance, or her appearance in Scully’s dreams triggered Melissa’s phone call. 

It makes sense why Scully ties a connection between her late sister and this little girl, and ends up believing her to be Melissa’s daughter. 

The truth, however, is a touch more complicated: Melissa Scully functions as the voice of Scully’s conscience-- more accurately, as its advocate, helping her sister to tune into and listen to it clearly. We see this exemplified by their dynamic in One Breath (post here) and The Blessing Way (posts here and here); and that hasn't stopped with her death. 

Melissa is advocating for Emily because she is a byproduct of Scully, not because Emily is a byproduct of herself. She is protecting her niece because she has always protected her sister. 

Scully wakes and answers her cell phone, overwhelmed when her sister's voice echoes over the line a second time.

“She needs your help,” Melissa repeats. 

“Who is this? Why are you doing this?”

“Go to her.”

So Scully does, at nearly three in the morning; and is, again, turned away by Mr. Sim. She doesn’t let the matter drop this time, booking it to the local police station and stirring Det. Kresge up to reopen the autopsy investigation. There she finds a picture of Emily that is identical to one of young Melissa… which brings up another set of observations. 

The child on the staircase in her memories was likely Melissa-- her shadow since childhood. 

The dream, however, changed it to Emily, either creating connections supernaturally or strengthening the ones she’d made unconsciously after catching a glimpse of the little girl in the Sim house. 

Bill has family photo albums in his house. The one Scully opens looks like an original, not a copy, with her mother's handwriting printed neatly inside. Perhaps these photos were mostly of his own childhood-- around the world, in Japan, and (presumably) before Scully was born-- and perhaps he was given this for safekeeping sometime after Paper Clip. With Melissa dead and Bill and Tara building a home of their own, Maggie probably thought they’d want this album for themselves. Scully, perhaps, probably even made copies for her mother and herself before it was shipped off, since she knew exactly where to look to find that particular picture of her late sister. 

I also have a personal theory: Bill Scully later reveals he has a photograph of Melissa that was taken during the months his little sister was abducted. He never shared this with Scully-- perhaps because he assumed it would dredge up bad memories (another indication of his gentler personality: not wanting to hurt her with reminders. And, of course, another indication of his meddling protectiveness.) But the fact that Missy had given it to him, had possibly let him take it while she was off-the-grid traveling up and down the West Coast, speaks volumes to Bill’s motivations. He has deep wounds regarding Melissa, too; and guards her memory fiercely, albeit silently. Her loss is harder for him to talk about than his own father-- he was even originally written to resent his youngest sister for “causing” Melissa’s death (though that scene was rightfully deleted and his character reworked, thank goodness.) 

After Scully finds out Emily Christine Sim was adopted, she calls up Mulder’s FBI contact (Danny, the basement gnome)-- not Mulder himself-- and asks him to send Melissa Scully's PCR results to San Diego, where she is: effectively keeping her partner out of the loop. Despite their history, Scully is alienating herself and her struggles again: perhaps because, deep down, she is afraid of what Mulder will puzzle together with her abduction, a dead sister, and this adopted girl. 

Without intending to, she falls asleep once more and is caught up in another nightmare: herself as a child, holding her father’s hand, while walking down the aisle to pay their respects to an open casket. As she approaches, the casket leaks water and blood; and after peering over the side, the body of Mrs. Sim is revealed-- and opens its eyes. Stumbling back, she realizes the hand she is holding is not her father’s: it’s Mr. Sim’s. But as he opens his mouth, Bill’s voice speaks instead: “Dana?”

Scully is roused violently from sleep, and comes face-to-face with her brother’s worried, bemused expression. 

Again, she dreams of death. 

Again, she dreams of death connected to Emily. 

Again, she dreams she must helplessly watch tragedy unfold. 

Up to a point, these dreams can be dismissed as her reality bleeding (heh) into fantasy-- the second phone call reminding her unconscious of Emily, Bill speaking through Mr. Sim-- but Scully doesn't give this line of reasoning a first or second thought. Why?

And just as her unconscious starts to turn over these complicated emotions, reflection is snatched away by outside interference. 

(As an aside, this episode proves that, if anything, Scully is a light sleeper; which also proves that Mulder is a quiet and sneaky dude, slipping in and out of her perimeters without setting off her sensory detectors.)

Bill watches her try to pull herself together, asking in feigned nonchalance, “This where you stayed the night?”

“Yeah,” she affirms, feigning nonchalance herself, “some of it.” Remembering her research, Scully quickly checks then closes her laptop, unwilling to share her suspicions with anyone just yet.  

“It’s supposed to be a vacation.” Bill is annoyed but trying to hide it-- and, while it isn’t his place to dictate how Scully spends her time, he does have a point (or half of one.) He sees Scully’s dedication to her work as dedication to her partner; and probably suspects that Mulder is putting her up to this. Yet, despite his abhorrence for the man or his methods, Bill never outright scolds Scully for her inattentiveness, and does try to have patience with her odd behaviors. Still, his annoyance is hard to extinguish; and he asks, “Whatcha working on that's so important?” to better understand why she’s ducking and dodging. 

Scully, once again, ducks his attempt. “Just, uh, unfinished business.”

Seeing that they’re at an impasse, he switches topics: “So, you up for joining us this morning?”

“Yeah, I’ve, I’ve,” she stumbles, working through a plan in her mind, “got a little work to do. Can I join you guys later?”

Bill scoffs, lightly, trying to maintain an upbeat rather than imposing attitude. “How are you gonna get around?”

“I’ll, I’ll rent a car.” 

He watches her go, good naturedly exclaiming, “Alright-- lunch!” When she doesn’t respond (and continues stepping away), he adds, “I’ll hold you to that!” She, again, doesn’t comment; and he lets her go, trying to shrug off their interaction with a glance at his newspaper. 

After a long day investigating shaky leads, she arrives back at Bill’s with the PCR results in hand. Right after discovering the similarities between her sister and Emily’s DNA-- reacting with shocked, bittersweet tenderness-- Maggie appears, catching her daughter in the thralls of discovery. 

“Dana? Are you alright?”

Immediately, Scully looks down, masking her demonstrative expression; and her mother sighs, changing the topic to other pressing matters.  

“It’s 2 o’clock in the morning-- where have you been all day?” Maggie scolds, shuffling forward in exasperation. “We were expecting you for lunch.” 

Now it’s Scully’s turn to sigh: this can’t be put off. “Mom. Sit down.”

Maggie complies, head in her hands: another round of bad news from Dana. 

“The woman who committed suicide--” she begins, letting us know that Scully and Bill had previously shared details of the case with Maggie and Tara, “has an adopted daughter. A three-year-old named Emily. I got a sample from Emily’s blood; and I had the lab run a test on her DNA. It’s called a PCR test. This,” she continues, handing the evidence over to her mother, “is Emily’s. And this… is Melissa’s, which we ran during her murder investigation.”

Scully’s face is tortured, her head bent-- an expression of utmost struggle and vulnerability (post here.) “They match.”

Shaking her head in disbelief, her mother asks, “What does it mean, ‘they match’?”

“It means… that this little girl Emily… is Melissa’s daughter.” 

Maggie looks up in disbelief. “It’s not possible.”

“You can’t deny that there’s a remarkable resemblance.” 

“Melissa was three-years-old when this picture was taken, she was practically a baby,” Maggie snaps, eyes flashing. “All kids can look the same at that age.” 

“Mom, it’s uncanny. Emily looks exactly like Melissa. That’s why I order the PCR test-- because her face may change, but her DNA can’t!”

“And that test is accurate?” Mrs. Scully presses, even angrier. 

“There is a 60% chance that Melissa is Emily’s mother. I’m gonna order a more comprehensive test-- an RFOP. It’ll take a couple of days, and then we’ll be sure.”

“Oh, I’m already sure--,” Maggie denies; and the root of her denial comes to the fore: “--your sister didn’t have a baby, she would have told me.”

“Mom. Remember about four years ago Melissa took off? She traveled up and down the West Coast-- we didn’t know where she was half the time.”

“You’re saying she was pregnant and she didn’t want us to know?”

“That was 1994. Emily was born that November. She could have given her up for adoption and none of us would have ever known.” 

Suddenly, Maggie is struck with another idea, softening under Scully’s insistence. “Dana, listen to me. I know what you’re going through.”

“Mom--” snaps Scully, hurt that her motives are being called into question. “This has nothing to do with what I’m going through.” But still, she does not offer further clarification-- does not tell her mother that she, too, is having premonitory dreams (post here.) Because, really, this is about what Scully is going through-- not solely her infertility, of course, but also her memories, remission, second chance at life, and (misplaced) guilt-- and she can’t wholly refute or deny her mother's claims.

When Maggie explains, “It has happened to me-- when your father died”, she loses ground on her conviction, doubting her instincts. It’s what Melissa warned her against in The Blessing Way-- “You’ve lost touch with your own intuition!”-- and what she tried to help her see and understand when Scully was doubting her choice to join the FBI. It’s what she finally learns, four years after her sister’s death, in all things (post here.) 

“It was a long time before he left me,” Maggie admits as her daughter struggles with confronted tears. This is a sore spot for both of them; but while Maggie has moved on-- “before he left me”-- Scully still struggles with echoes of the painful past. She cannot forget or let go as easily. “I saw him in my dreams. The phone would ring; and just for a moment, I was sure it was his voice. And, and you’re doing the same thing with Melissa-- you’re seeing her in this child. But that does not make this child my granddaughter.”

During this speech, Scully has been struggling with denial, doubt, tempted belief; and at her mother’s last words-- “We’re still connected to them, Dana, even after they’re gone”-- she tears up, conflicted. 

There are many, many points to consider in this conversation: 

Maggie’s nature is just as confrontational as Bill’s, but she’s raised her son to (mostly) butt out of business not belonging to him. 

Despite Melissa’s black sheep ways and hard-to-swallow beliefs, Maggie remains convinced her daughter would have told her if she’d been pregnant. And she's correct.

Maggie would have (per her own expressions of hurt at this possible exclusion) embraced a granddaughter out of wedlock. This falls in line with her first two children being conceived before marriage (if the show's wonky timeline is to be believed), her undogmatic support of Bill and Tara’s IVF pregnancy, and her excitement over the birth of her second grandson, William.

Scully reveals how closely knit she and Maggie were (and are): “Remember about four years ago Melissa took off? She traveled up and down the West Coast-- we didn’t know where she was half the time” couples the anxiety, worry, and frustration of Melissa’s disappearance in with her mother and herself. We've seen this closeness demonstrated in The Blessing Way’s deleted scene (post here) when Melissa's arrival ended the personal conversation between Maggie and her youngest daughter.

Scully is still struggling with trusting her own instincts, and will continue to do so until all things. And, as befits her pre-established pattern, she leaps into decisive change then begins to doubt and second guess her intuition and choices (post here.) 

Scully dreams, this time of a Christmas long past.

She and Melissa sneak down to the tree; and while she loudly exclaims, “Look at all the presents!”-- betraying her rapture over receiving gifts-- it’s her sister who shushes her (“Dana, be quiet; they’ll hear us.”) Grabbing a large box-- another peek at her gift goblin side-- she excitedly whispers, “This one’s for me!” Again, Melissa checks her: “You wish. That’s for Billy, you dope.” The girls continue rifling around-- Scully still amped over (supposedly) finding a Hotel California record, Missy still shushing her-- until they find their cross necklaces; and it’s then that Maggie appears from the shadows (“You don’t have to shake it, Dana. You can open those now”) and sits beside them.

While Scully is awed by her present, Melissa is ambivalent, politely thanking her mother but not really responding to Mrs. Scully’s speech: “Your grandmother gave me a cross just like that when I was about your age. It means God is with you, and will watch over you wherever you go.”

When she looks at her mother in thanks, younger Dana sees her current self in Maggie’s place. 

A few takeaways: 

Melissa is the ringleader, it appears, in this mischief making venture. While she is the older sister (and, therefore, has more bossing rights), she seems more aware of the danger of getting caught than Scully. 

Scully, in each of her flashbacks, seems to be a second mate to mischief makers: breaking their father’s shooting rules with her brothers and sneaking down the stairs on Christmas morning with her sister. She is already drawn to rebellion, even at a young age; and will soon begin to flirt here and there with striking out on her own-- smoking her mother’s cigarettes on the porch or describing her parents’ opposition to the FBI as "they though it was an act of rebellion." That streak continues with “other fathers”, kicking back against her superiors in defiance or shoving off Mulder’s ‘restrictions’ whenever she feels unappreciated. 

Melissa already seems detached from her mother’s beliefs, and is (most likely) only a year or two (or three or four) away from rescinding her faith. 

Scully, however, hangs onto Maggie’s every word: a child wholeheartedly devoted to hero worship-- one who trusts so implicitly that she ends up doubting her own opinions and beliefs. 

Scully’s necklace is markedly longer than the one she wears in canon. This presents us with one of two theories: that Maggie gifted her another one for her birthday, as she said in Ascension; or that Melissa gave her her hand-me-down when she left the faith. 

Scully loves presents. Loves. (Which works out, because Mulder loves to give them.) And Hotel California, apparently. 

The Revival was warned that Scully would not look good with this type of straight, flat bob. And yet, it persisted. 

Scully, again again, ties another dream into Emily: this time her own motherhood, gifting her younger self-- or her dream self’s daughter-- a personal family tradition. 

It’s Tara who wakes her up.

“Dana? I’m sorry,” she begins, her choice of words implying that she’s aware of Scully’s late night, “there’s a detective here to see you?”

When Scully descends, Tara is chopping food for breakfast, Maggie is serving Det. Kresge some coffee, and Bill is nowhere to be seen. He was awake early yesterday, so it’s natural to assume he’s already up and out-- maybe last minute preparations for their party later today? 

As she and Kresge move aside to privately chat, Tara and Maggie send them concerned peeks every so often. 

Of course, Scully ends up leaving. 

I want to touch on Emily Sim very briefly in this post:

After Mr. Sim is arrested, Scully hurries through the house looking for (who she presumes is) her niece. She finds her on the stairs, and the two face off blankly while Emily's father's pleas of innocence escalate off-screen.

When Scully leads the girl to the social worker’s van, Emily clings to her hand-- revealing nothing, but not unwilling to be in her care, either. Both are grim and determined; and while Scully softens as she tucks the little girl into her car seat-- “Let’s just get you buckled in here nice and safe, okay” is important; and will be discussed below-- Emily doesn’t start to brighten until she catches sight of the other woman’s cross. Without thinking, she reaches for the necklace-- a shiny present she wants to claim; like her mother-- without thinking-- again, like her mother. 

It’s searing in hindsight, knowing this tiny girl is doomed to die; but it’s also bittersweet in the moment as Emily exactly reenacts Scully's dreams and patterns of behavior.

And this leads me to a theory: with how each dream is structured, and with how Emily behaves in them, exactly as she does in real life-- always staring with large, knowing eyes and a somber, resigned expression as if she knows Scully-- I wonder if Emily is the one projecting these dreams. Whenever Scully remembers the past, Emily seems to burst through and center these memories on herself in the present. (And whether she means to or not, I wonder.) Her grandmother has prescient dreams, Melissa had sensing abilities, and Scully herself has had a fair share of psychic and supernatural experiences. I’ve theorized before that all humans have access to psychic ability because of their alien DNA (post here), but need to have a close connection to or brush with Death to unlock it (post here.)

And if that be the case, these dreams and premonitions centering Emily began to occur after Mrs. Sim’s death-- meaning, if that unlocked an ability in Emily (for whatever X-Files reason) then that could be working in tandem with Melissa’s phone calls. And if that be the case, Scully the Conduit (post here) was picking up both signals. Canon itself supports this supposition, though mildly: "You found her; and you saved her," says Mulder; "She found me," Scully corrects.

Scully reaches out to caress Emily’s hair (a mirror of Maggie Scully's maternal gestures) at the same time the girl reaches out to snag her necklace. Touched, and desperate to establish a connection, she asks, with wide eyes, “You like that, huh?” 

Emily doesn’t respond, staring, transfixed, at the cross instead; but Scully takes initiative anyway, immediately removing her chain and clasping it behind her ‘niece's’ neck. This act is a combination of many significant details, which can be summed up in two sentiments: passing on the family legacy to this newly discovered Scully, and surrounding her with God’s protection-- as Maggie had done when she was a little girl; as she did herself, seconds ago, by securing Emily's seat belt. In short, her actions are a marriage of different forms of protection: familial, physical, and spiritual. Scully extends all three to this child before she knows Emily Sim is hers. 

When it is time to go, Scully leans in with an assuring pout and promises, “I’ll see you soon, okay?” And Emily mirrors that pout, nodding up and down in earnestness.

They watch each other through the window, locking eyes as long as possible. 

At Bill and Tara’s Christmas party that evening, Scully can’t focus on the present. 

When Maggie tells her relaxing daughter-in-law, “Every year, my husband insisted on putting the angel on top of the tree by himself” and Bill, just returned from hobnobbing, teases his late dad’s masculinity-- “Man’s work”-- to her and Tara’s amusement, Scully remains distant and lost in thought. Bill looks down and notices her detachment; and, having reached his limit, asks, “Dana, can you give me a hand in the kitchen?”

Maggie immediately snaps her head over, knowing exactly what her son is doing; and Tara’s face drops, knowing exactly what her husband’s doing, too. Both women, it would appear, figure the siblings have grievances to air; but hope it won't get to insulting or catastrophic levels. They’re both adults after all, right? 

And that’s another interesting point: as uncomfortable as this shift has made Maggie and Tara-- even more so because Scully hasn’t fully returned from the cloud of her thoughts, and isn't clued in to what’s about to happen-- they’re not trying to mitigate or stop Bill. It would seem they, too, have criticisms of Dana’s behavior lately, but haven't voiced them for her and Christmas’s sake. We know this to be the case because of Bill’s accusations in the kitchen: Mrs. Scully has been sharing her daughter’s information with her son and daughter-in-law, likely in an attempt to smooth ruffled feathers or get them to understand what she’s going through. However, this, in turn, makes Scully feel judged and vulnerable; and, despite Maggie and Bill’s best intentions, she begins to retreat even more.

“What’s up?” Scully asks as Bill begins pouring himself a drink. 

“I need you to tell me what’s going on,” he says, voice light but concerned. 

“What do you mean?”

“You’re not here, Dana, you’re a million miles away. I thought you came to see the family.”

Scully, caught, sinks into annoyed despair. “I did.” 

“Well, I thought that this other thing was resolved,” Bill huffs, becoming frustrated himself. “I thought you caught the guy that murdered that woman.”

“We did,” she affirms, trying to draw him away from shaky territory but unable to look up from the ground. 

Bill, as always, sees right through her: “Then it’s about the girl, isn’t it?” 

She doesn’t answer, determined not to-- but her eyes pop up after he passes by, realizing he must have gotten that information from someone.  

Conciliatory-- trying to prove he’s on her side, that she doesn’t have to ice him out, that he understands-- Bill softly confesses, “Mom told me.” Maintaining eye contact, his voice rises higher, almost cracking at the end, “You really think Melissa had a baby?”  

“Yes, I do,” Scully admits; and her admittance now-- an admittance born from, he thinks, a crazy partnership with a crazy partner who keeps invading their family time with selfish, questing demands-- irritates him completely. 

“She call you from beyond the grave to tell you that,” he mocks, voice edged with bitterness. 

At this sudden attack, his sister is instantly furious… and hurt, tightening her chin to prevent an influx of strong, complicated emotions. 

“Sounds like something that partner of yours would say,” he concludes, somehow shifting the blame entirely off of Dana’s shoulders and onto Mulder's while simultaneously-- and accidentally-- insulting her intelligence and abilities. 

Fed up with his misunderstanding, Scully insists, “It does not matter where that phone call came from. What matters is that there is a little girl who needs my help.” 

“This isn’t about any little girl, Dana,” he snaps, done with the pretense on both sides-- a pretense she is unaware of and confused by, tilting her head in astonishment at his blunt, “It’s about you.” 

Bill continues with his half-right, half-wrong blunders: “It’s about this emptiness, this void inside yourself you’re trying to fill.” 

And that is when he takes it too far: it’s one thing to be chastised about her inconclusive connections by a mother who understands, and it’s another to be reprimanded by a brother who doesn’t; and who constantly misreads her intent. 

But the truth is: they’re both in differing degrees of wrong here-- 

Scully has spent their joint Christmas vacation taking off at all hours of the day and night without a word. To the family, this is a slap in the face, especially considering she chose to fly out to bond with them during a new and intimate chapter of their lives. (Not to mention, one of them is close to her due date and up every morning making breakfast for her guests.)

Bill is not the only person who is frustrated: Maggie, too, keeps chastising her daughter’s flakiness. Maggie, too, outright fights Scully's theories and suppositions. While struggling with her own feelings, Mrs. Scully is also forced to mitigate between her daughter and her son's pent up emotions.

While it is certainly not his place to presuppose or judge, Bill is trying to understand his sister's perspective. If that isn't difficult enough, most of his assumptions are derived from is mother-- the exact same sticky situation as the cancer arc (posts here and here.)

Because Scully isn’t communicating with anyone unless she has to, the family is left to grapple with whatever information or interpretation they can gather or think up to explain her behavior. This leads to projections and assumptions: Maggie assumes Scully is seeing Melissa everywhere the way she saw her late husband; and Bill assumes Scully is struggling with an emptiness and void that he and Tara struggled with during their infertility journey.

And that’s where Scully’s fault lies: she assumes her brother wouldn’t understand, even if she told him. She is aware, to some extent, that Bill and Tara struggled with infertility; but she hasn’t stopped to learn the details. That’s understandable, too; but when Bill blunders in and gives her unsolicited advice, he is speaking from his own feelings and emotions-- not to chastise or finger wag at her. 

And that’s where Bill’s fault lies, too: he is given no direct answer of his sister’s feelings, so he projects his own onto her to humanize her actions. This, in turn, makes him impose his own thoughts, beliefs, and wishes onto her, as well: she, too, must feel and emptiness and void at not being able to have children; and that void must be guiding her to these actions.

And that’s the really messed up part: they’re both half-right and half-wrong; but the miscommunication from all sides is exacerbating the issue. Maggie pries open Scully and shares what she finds with Bill and Tara to soothe their feelings; this gives them a faulty understanding, and clams Scully up tighter next time.

In short: the problem is, Scully isn’t communicating fully; and her half-responses leave blanks for Maggie or Bill or Tara to fill in. And when they do communicate, everyone’s opinions and thoughts-- while well-intentioned-- careen away from each other and crash in a ditch.

 Without knowing where Bill is coming from-- and possibly not registering the vulnerability in his eyes-- Scully loses the last ounce of her patience; and, rightfully, sticks up for herself: “Bill, I don’t expect you to understand but I am not going to stand here and justify my mo--” 

“Dana?” Maggie cuts in, looking between both of her children. Called back to herself, Scully grits her teeth and looks away from her brother. “There’s a telephone call for you.” 

She leaves without another word; and Maggie studies Bill intently before following her out, reading from his face that the conversation ended in disaster.

After Mr. Sim’s staged suicide, Scully returns home to a warm, inviting fireplace, eyes misting at its likeness to her former childhood memories. She then notices the manger scene, a little child in the center of so much hope and intrigue. (There is a connection between Scully's journey and this manger scene-- no, not in the way you're thinking... at least, not exactly-- which I shall touch on in the next part.)

Bill pops into the room, voice tense as he asks, “When did you get back?” 

Startled, she stares into his eyes a few seconds in silence; then, seeing he intends no harm, simply replies, “I just got back.”

“Well, you’re just in time,” he amends, diffusing his feelings for the moment. “I was on my way over to the neighbors. Mom and Tara are already there.”

Unable to keep up even a whisper of facade, Scully ducks her head, nodding with pinched eyebrows and a strained face. 

“What?” he asks, softly. “What happened?”

Her head shoots back up, eyes wide and turbulent-- was she that obvious?-- as she questions whether to tell the truth. Her eyes tear up and her mouth slightly tightens before Scully admits to Marshall Sim’s death. 

Bill is sympathetic-- empathetic, even, as he asks, “Do you think it has something to do with that little girl?”

His tenderness and openness to hearing her thoughts, and to intelligently connecting a few dots on his own, releases her strain. “I think it might,” she assents. 

He pauses, turning inward, before pronouncing, “Dana, I have to show you something.” 

Intrigued, Scully follows her brother up to the nursery-- her room-- where he digs out a photo of Melissa-- one she'd never shared with her sister. 

After handing the picture over, Bill slumps his way to the window, head down, shoulders inward.

“Look at the date on the back,” he says heavily. Missy’s death still strongly affects him, so much so that touching this part of his past is draining to Bill. Which must be particularly affecting, considering his desire to replicate every detail of his childhood, down to the same rooms, for his own nuclear family.  

The date is Oct. 7 - 94; and when Scully flips it over to check, Bill releases a weary sigh. 

“Does Melissa look pregnant to you in that picture? It’s about four weeks before the girl was born.”

This is interesting: the Scully family, as a whole, has a problem with communication-- Scully with sharing her thoughts, her job, her conflicting beliefs; Bill with his struggles and weaknesses. To reveal that he knew Melissa wasn’t pregnant in 1994, Bill would've had to dredge up that photo as proof. Instead, he’d hoped to avoid that-- just as Scully had hoped to avoid sharing her own findings and suspicions about Emily.

After their argument, Bill, it seems, wanted to sweep the disagreement under the rug and enjoy Christmas. That resolution, however, fell through after seeing Scully's crestfallen face. And after hearing his sister mention murders disguised as suicides, Bill realized his reticence was no longer a priority if Dana was putting her life in danger because of a false dream.

“Bill, it doesn’t prove anything. Melissa didn’t have to get pregnant to have a baby, there’s--” Scully grasps for an idea, eyes wandering, “--there’s in vitro fertilization, there’s surrogate motherhood--” 

“Dana,” Bill cuts in. “Listen to yourself. You’re creating this whole scenario to fulfill a dream.”

“What dream?” She knows, deep down, what he means; but hasn’t wanted to touch this thought directly. 

“To have a child.”

Again, Scully struggles with self-doubt: his reasons sound valid, and logical. Are the dreams and the phone calls and the 60% chance just projections, as her mother said, as her brother is saying? (Which he got from their mother, no doubt.) 

“Look, I…” Bill pauses, stopping and starting his own difficult admission, “I understand. I know the need--” he tears up and looks away as the words spill out, “--Tara and I tried for years. But making this girl,” he concludes, convinced in the righteousness of his pursuit, “into Melissa’s daughter is not the way. You’re only going to end up hurting yourself.” His face is iron, his warning absolute. 

But though his words waiver, they cannot convince; and Scully won’t let the possibility go, not when she still has doubts. More honestly, not when Emily calls out to a part of herself.

The doorbell rings, and Bill sighs, walking away to answer it. The second he leaves, her face wilts, mouth and nose twitching against tears. 

“Hi,” he greets; and “Hi,” he is answered. 

“I’m here to see Dana Scully.”

“Oh, may I ask, um--”

“I’m Susan Chambliss from the County. It’s about the adoption.”

At that truth bomb, Bill looks up at his sister, shooting her a “Dana?” just as her face contorts in mild panic, caught. 

Gliding past Bill’s question, she swiftly says, “Hi. Thank you for coming in on Christmas Eve,” and rushes past after one last glance at his discomfited expression. 

Here is where we get an incredibly telling look into one Dana Scully’s psychology. 

Her application for adoption is denied, and she nearly breaks down in tears as Susan kindly lays out the reasons why she shouldn’t consider adoption, stating, “You’re a single woman who’s never been married, or had a long-term relationship. You’re in a high-stress, time-intensive, and dangerous occupation-- one that I sense you’re deeply committed to. And one which would become overnight a secondary priority--”

Scully looks up, either to contradict or persuade, but bites back her reply until the other woman is finished.

“--to the care and well-being of this child. I’m not sure this is a sacrifice you’re prepared to make.”

And perhaps Scully isn’t, either: she’s rushing things (just as she later rushes the IVF, posts here and here), and is troubled that not only would she have to ease up on her dedication to her occupation-- to the X-Files, to Mulder, even-- but that she hadn’t considered she’d have to. 

“Well, it’s one that I’ve given a great deal of thought to,” she explains, nearly losing the battle to her tears. “To be honest, I’ve started to question my priorities since I was first diagnosed with cancer.” 

This revelation-- and the fact that she is struggling with her infertility and was loathe to share these struggles with Mulder this past week-- points to two possibilities:

Scully was, perhaps, looking for a way out, and Emily provided that. This isn't likely, considering the stunned reaction she has when internalizing the consequences for adopting her high-risk 'niece'.

Or Scully is misinterpreting the signs again: doubting herself, her choices, her commitments; doubting whether her sister should have died, whether she should have gotten cancer, whether she should have been stripped of her fertility.  This is not only likely but also transparently the case: she's rushing into these decisions, despite the danger, despite the fulfillment her work provides, despite the loss of her close working relationship with Mulder. Scully's staring down an endless line, and thinks Emily is the new 'right path' she faces at every crux of her life.

Scully has been struggling with the fact of her infertility for months-- so much so that she only told her mother, and then only under added pressure. Again, she is trapped in a cycle of hyper-fixation-- that endless line, post here-- doubting herself and laying unnecessary blame at her feet. We know Scully commits to then wants to backtrack on her commitment-- in other words, she has attachment issues (post here)-- and looks to other signs or other voices or "other fathers" to tell her what to do, be it dating Daniel Waterston or breaking up with him or recruiting to the FBI or doubting her recruitment or partnering with Mulder or doubting her partnership with Mulder or getting cancer or losing her faith or gaining her faith or recovering from cancer or losing her fertility or finding her 'niece'. In short, she probably sees this miracle 'happenstance' as a second chance, or a sign from God or the paranormal or the supernatural that her sister sanctions; and thinks Melissa-- who she ‘failed’-- is relying on her to save her daughter. A new mission, a new appointed path. And though it doesn't feel right, she tells herself, "There's only one right thing to do."

And yet, the thought that she’d have to give up her work shakes Scully to the core: she is in tears at the thought, but she is also in tears at losing this last chance. (Mulder senses this, too, in Emily; but, as he tells the judge, doesn’t feel it’s his right to deny a mother her child.) 

“And I feel like I’ve been given a second chance,” she admits, nailing my previous points home. 

“Ever since I was a child, I’ve, I’ve never allowed myself to get too close to people. I’ve avoided emotional attachments. Perhaps I’ve been so afraid of death or dying that any connection just seemed like a bad thing. Something that wouldn’t last.” Her dreams make more and more sense: the rabbit and the snake and the coffin and her beloved vocation. “But I don’t feel that way anymore.”

This is the reason why she brought a cheese platter to Mulder’s room in Detour; and this is the reason she took family time off and has avoided reaching out: she is caught in another cycle of self-doubt-- questioning their partnership, questioning her abilities, questioning the X-Files's endless line. But what Scully is missing is that she hasn’t taken family time off, not really-- it’s not her nature to do so, for long. Even her own vacation later this season (Chinga) is interrupted by a case, which she solves without resentment. She needs the work just as much as Mulder does-- and she knows this. But that doesn't stop the toxic pattern of self-sabotage.

“You are aware of Emily’s medical condition. I want to stress to you, Dana,” the social worker continues, “Emily is a special needs child. According to her doctors, her condition is incurable. She requires constant care, both medical and emotional. The good news is, you have first hand experience of grave illness. The bad news is, you’d have to relive it through the eyes of a child.”

Again, Scully almost breaks-- tears nearly spilling over, mouth crumbling. That is hard: she still avoids mentioning her past illness whenever possible. But what else, she believes, can she do? 

“I realize that,” she nods, wiping a tear away. “And I feel like I’m ready.” 

Scully is being tossed about by remission expectations and fertility expectations and familial expectations and her own impossible expectations; and is grasping at motherhood as the fix-it solution she thinks she needs. The reality is… she’s not ready for parenthood. She would love Emily with all her heart; but she would have had to turn from the path she chose, the one that feels right, the one she still needs to learn and grow.

There is one last dream in store for Dana Scully: Melissa joins her for a late-night couch chat, wanting to know why her little sister is up.

“You worried about Quantico, or who gets the most presents this year?” she teases, a little joke over do-gooder Scully probably being the goodest girl all year for Santa; or a delicate poke at her insanely competitive, insanely jealous younger sister. 

“I guess I’m afraid I’m making a big mistake. I could tell Dad sure thinks I am,” Scully confesses-- how easy it appears she was able to confess back then, before international conspiracies and scientific, rigorous adherence. 

“Oh. Well, it’s not his life, Dana.”

“Yeah, I know that. But y’know, when I started med school, it felt so right. It just seemed like that was where I was supposed to be. Then… and then by the time I graduated, I just knew it was wrong. And now the FBI feels right. But what if that’s wrong, too?” The self-doubts and endless lines were there from the beginning. 

“There is no right or wrong,” Melissa replies. “Life’s… just a path. You follow your heart, and it’ll take you where you’re supposed to go.” This motto defines Scully and her life choices.

“I don’t believe in fate. I think we have to choose our own path.”

And here is the voice of her conscience, her intuition, her guide: “Well, just don’t mistake the path with what’s really important in life.” 

“Which is what?”

“The people you’re going to meet along the way. You don’t know who you’re going to meet when you join the FBI. You don’t know how much your life is gonna change. Or… how you’re gonna change the lives of others.” 

Scully is being pointed once again back to her path-- the FBI-- and the people she changed there-- Mulder. As much as she craves a life with Emily, it isn't meant to be: something feels off, conflicting; but it also feels right. Because she is here to save another life-- Emily-- before going back to hers. She still has answers and truths to uncover for herself before she can leave this life, this path, with a good conscience. 

Tara wakes her from this last dream; and Bill and Maggie swoop in behind her. 

“Did Santa come?” he teases. 

“Santa’s still here,” Tara returns, pointing at Scully. 

“She always had to be the first one up on Christmas-- couldn’t wait to get into those presents,” Bill parries, cuddling up to his wife and making her and Maggie laugh. 

Mrs. Scully swoops to the couch and snuggles up to her daughter; but before anymore distractions (ahem, Bill) can continue, Tara waves him off and exclaims, “Okay, enough pleasantries! I’m dying to know what’s in this box!” 

Bill launches to the tree, excitedly passing presents to his wife, mother, and sister-- even the forgotten Scully sibling (Charlie) sent a present. For once, everything seems to be going smoothly.

A brief note on Charlie: as already mentioned here, his lore seems to be spotty at best. But there is one consistent theme: ever since they were boys, Charlie stuck around and played with Bill (per One Breath’s flashback); and that seems to have carried into adulthood. He sent a message through Bill in Memento Mori’s deleted scene, and he sent a present for the family this year through Bill again. Whatever the status of his relationship with the Scullys, he seems to always use with his elder brother as his mouthpiece-- like Melissa had been for Scully, before her death.  

“Don’t open anything-- don’t open! I’ll be right back!” Bill chirps as he rushes out of the room to answer the doorbell. 

Of course, it’s a man with a package for FBI Agent Dana Scully. Bill rushes back while she signs for then reads it; but at her prolonged silence, the room becomes still. 

“What is it?” asks Maggie, worried. 

“It’s a DNA test on Emily Sim’s blood.”

“What’s it say?” Bill asks, voice devoid of amusement as he rises to his full height. Maggie, too, is similarly unamused. 

“It says definitively that Melissa is not Emily’s mother--” Mrs. Scully looks down, anticipating unpleasant emotions for her daughter, while Bill maintains eye contact, brows lowering in stressed pity, “--but that they found striking genetic similarities between Emily and Melissa. So many that they… ran a test against another sample that they already had.”

“What sample?” Maggie questions. 

“Wh-what are you trying to say?” Bill prods-- he knows, or is afraid he knows. 

“According to this… I am Emily’s mother.” 

We’re not shown the Scully family’s reaction to this news; but the next time they appear is in court, slipping out of the judge’s chambers after giving testimony on Scully’s behalf. 

Mulder is waiting outside on a chair when Tara leads the way, approaching him trepidatiously with Bill right behind her and Maggie lagging back. As Bill steps forward, visibly fuming over the other man’s presence, Tara flashes Mulder a tight smile-- taking neither side, but remaining polite. Her husband stands his ground, forcing Mulder to go around; and stares after his sister's partner with hatred and contempt. 

The last time we see the Scully family is at Emily Sim's funeral.

Alone, Scully sits in the church, withdrawn as figure after figure passes by. Maggie's gentle hand on her shoulder rouses her-- another the one person who can understand the loss of a child.

Tears glistening in her eyes, Mrs. Scully asks, “Are you ready?”

“I think I’ll get a ride back with Mulder,” Scully replies: choosing her place not with her "normal" family but with her partner-- a woman in search of the truth, where she knows she belongs.

At least, as Melissa said, until the next thing feels right. 

They embrace in understanding, then Scully pivots to give her brother an affectionate hug goodbye. He leans his face down into her shoulder, burying his nose there while she envelops him fully. 

An important note: these are the first hugs Scully has initiated-- a gesture of comfort for her mother and brother-- and both are hugs goodbye (which will be discussed below.)

But Scully doesn’t linger long: she drifts over to Tara, who is standing behind her husband, ashamed of her own good luck and happiness. Scully beams at her sister-in-law and the baby-- she will not taint little Matthew’s arrival with sadness-- and is faintly aware that Bill is carefully watching her face, relaxing only when he sees her able to face her nephew. 

Greeting the baby with a kiss, Scully whispers, “Bye bye Matthew” as Tara’s face nearly crumbles in tenderness, relief, and sorrow. 

“We’ll see you in awhile, okay?” Tara says, and Scully assents, “Okay.”

This, then, means Scully is leaving from the church directly to the airport: ‘Bye, bye, Matthew’ and the long hugs and well-wishes only point to one conclusion. If they expected her back at the house, their goodbyes wouldn’t be so final. And that means the mystery of Emily’s coffin will never be revealed to the family-- another of Scully’s well-kept secrets. 

Maggie stays behind to trade one last smile with her daughter before following the new parents out, and Scully gives one back: she will be all right. 

So many meanings can be gleaned from Mrs. Scully's final glance back: she knows her daughter wants to heal alone, and respects her; she grieves for her daughter's loss, and she empathizes with that pain. But most importantly, I think, is that she is proud of Scully.

Scully will be all right... until her peace is spit upon posthumously: Emily's body has been spirited away. No proof of her only chance at motherhood (for now.)

MENTIONS, APPEARANCES, AND OTHER LOOSE ENDS

We hear about the Scully family twice in Season 6: You have a brother who hates me,” Mulder insists, trying to convince his partner he is who he says he is (Dreamland); "Mulder, call it whatever you like-- I've got holiday cheer to spread. I've got a family roll call under the tree at 6:00 a.m.," Scully insists when he lures her to a haunted mansion on Christmas Eve (How the Ghosts Stole Christmas.) It's obvious, then, that the events of Emily have not torn apart these relationships.

Season 7 features one mention-- in En Ami, Scully lies about going away for a family emergency; and Mulder is on familiar enough terms to call up Maggie and ask about the family emergency. It's obvious that Mulder's closeness with Scully's mother has changed between seasons; and, though he called her likely out of concern for his partner, he came away from that phone call with enough calm (it's implied) to not frighten Mrs. Scully out of her wits, unlike every other call before.

And lastly, for me, Season 8: Maggie appears at Mulder’s funeral (Deadalive)-- but doesn’t stay as long as Skinner (likely because she knows her daughter wants to be left alone)-- and her daughter's (begrudging) baby shower (Essence.)

"You know it would be a whole lot easier for everyone if you would just tell us the sex, Dana?" Maggie prods as she hurries about the party area, arranging and rearranging balloons. When Scully doesn't respond, she yells from the other room, "Did you hear me?"

"Yes I heard you, Mom, for about the thousandth time-- you can wait. Didn't you have to wait with us?"

"Well," her mother rambles on, "I just know it's a boy. I can just tell by the way you're carrying-- it's a boy."

"Well, see, you obviously don't need me to tell you because you obviously already know," Scully baits, letting her mother stand shocked and overjoyed for a few seconds without correcting her assumptions.

"Then it's a boy?"

Without replying, Scully stares her down while turning on the tap: purposefully withholding the information with a straight face and twinkle in her eye.

"Oh, it's the least you can tell your mother considering everything else you're keeping secret."

They're interrupted by a knock. The arrival of Lizzie Gill reveals another layer of Mrs. Scully's meddling: she's signed up a baby nurse to help her daughter, without her daughter's permission. Scully doesn't outright jump at the offer, but does get comfortable around Lizzie (while ignoring her mother's pointed "See?" glances) enough to later accept her assistance.

This moment-- and other similar moments like this-- paints a rather interesting picture of their dynamic:

Scully is sharing less with her mother than she used to-- or, perhaps, Maggie is realizing how much her daughter keeps secret.

Yet, it doesn't seem to disrupt their relationship: Maggie is glad to participate in any way she can, enthusiastically peppering the apartment with decorations and her daughter with questions.

Maggie hired a baby nurse for Scully: why? Apparently, she thinks Scully would be unwilling to have her mother stay over while settling into early parenthood, despite her own "retirement" and widowhood. The nurse, in question, would function as hired help for practical needs; meaning, she wouldn't be staying over, either. This establishes that Mrs. Scully is alerted to and fully supportive of her daughter's strictly enforced boundaries.

"Considering everything else you're keeping secret" means that Scully (and Mulder) have not discussed his role in her baby's life at all with other people. At. All. And that it was Scully who decided on this continued secrecy, refusing to answer any questions during her entire pregnancy. Mulder's followed in her footsteps-- and probably likes that others are hindered from asking him questions or handing out back slaps-- while everyone else has been left to make assumptions. Including Maggie Scully.

Unfortunately, Scully stumbles upon Lizzie swapping her baby vitamins; and, having eaten some already, rushes to the hospital to have a full examination. Maggie waits with Mulder in the hallway; and after the doctor gives her patient an all-clear, Mrs. Scully rushes in and asks for her daughter's forgiveness.

"I'm so sorry, Dana." Seeing that Scully is frozen in place, trying to master her emotions, her mother initiates the embrace-- as she always has-- and continues, "This is all my fault. I brought this into your home. You know I would never let anything happen to you," she adds, a repeat of her words in Wetwired, while looking down at her daughter's baby bump. "Would never knowingly let anybody hurt you."

Scully keeps her head down, but assures, "I know, Mom."

Studying her face, Maggie adds, "I'm so worried about you. You keep everything so bottled up." This, then, paints Maggie's overbearing meddling and thousand-and-one questions in another light: anticipation over her grandchild, yes; but also frenzied worry and concern for her daughter, as well.

Again, Scully doesn't answer, nodding along as if to soothe her mother rather than admit her reticence; then looks aside to Mulder before his attention is pulled away and consumed by Skinner. However, it is important to note Maggie was included in this hospital visit: we know she's no longer on Scully's paperwork (hasn't been since pre-One Breath, that we're aware of; and hasn't shown up for any of Scully's S8 medical emergencies, which proves she was completely in the dark.) And we know Scully would have called Mulder, regardless, to help apprehend Lizzie Gill once the other woman was caught. But Scully chose to call up her mother and ask her to the hospital: perhaps because she feared the worst, the premature death of her baby. It's one thing to fear miscarriage before you've told your mother about the pregnancy (Via Negativa), and it's another thing entirely to lose the baby after your mother is invested in its arrival.

And that's it for Maggie Scully, Bill Scully, Charlie Scully, Tara Scully, or Matthew Scully's appearances! Or so I decree, as someone whose stops canon at Season 8~.

I leave Season 9 and IWTB and the Revival for those who want to take up the mantle and explore the Scully family for me: it wouldn't be fair to this series to spend the last few parts picking apart my grievances.

CONCLUSION 

That's it for the Scully family! Can you believe we've come this far?

Only two parts left: the tragedy of Emily Sim, and the failure and success of Scully's (and Mulder's) journey to parenthood.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[scotianostra]

The actor Bill Simpson was born as William Nicholson Simpson on September 11th 1934 in Ayrshire.

Most famous for his portrayal of Dr Finlay, Simpson was originally an announcer on the BBC before switching channels and being plucked from reading the news with Scottish ITV in Glasgow to start his acting career, his only film role I could find was an uncredited part in The 39 Steps, he did however appear in several TV movies including Green Cars Go East, The Highlander and Mother of Men all in the 50’s.

TV roles for Simpson though are aplenty, Z Cars, The Master of Ballantrae, Scotch on the Rocks, The Mackinnons and The Good Companions are just s few in a career spanning four decades, from the 50’s to the 80’s.

It is Dr Finlay that some of you will remember him from, Bill Simpson hailed from the wee fishing village of Dunure, like Dr Finlay, he was an ex-farmer and the fictional village of Tannochbrae could have passed as a fair replica of his home, in fact the prodigal son returned to Dunure to film an episode in the series. The show made stars of the dapper Bill Simpson, veteran actor Andrew Cruickshank and Barbara Mullen. Dr. Finlay’s Casebook ran for eight seasons over 9 years the final episode, “The Burgess Ticket”, being shown on 3 January 1971, Simpson also took the role for 104 audio episodes broadcast on Radio 4.

After being plagued with heart problems his roles thinned out in the 80’s and he passed away at his house in Mauchline in December 1986 from a bronchopneumonia

[stripedtabbycat]

gravity falls thoughts of the week: i've been joking about ford not knowing what's okay or safe to let children do in the past few episodes but that kind of becomes less funny in the show in "dipper and mabel vs. the future", when we see that these missions he's taking dipper along on are actually putting this kid in danger. sure he manages to survive and get them out of the danger but it's kind of concerning that ford's takeaway from this is "see, you can handle it!" and not "maybe i shouldn't invite this 12-going-on-13-year-old to be my apprentice in highly dangerous field research"

but dipper, of course, doesn't realize this because he's a kid getting to do cool stuff with an adult who respects his intelligence and doesn't treat him like a kid, even though that's the problem. this final string of episodes does a good job highlighting the theme of dipper wanting to grow up too fast and mabel wanting to stay a kid forever and how neither of those are realistic approaches, even though most of the time this isn't a show terribly concerned with realism.

(kind of wild to me thinking about it now that there were a lot of fans at the time who genuinely thought dipper was giving up a great opportunity by choosing not to take ford up on his apprenticeship offer by the end. i guess that's the difference between watching kids' shows when you're closer to the age of the main characters and watching them when you're a lot older than the characters. on most shows i wouldn't worry too much over questions like "are these kids who go on fun adventures that appeal to the target demographic who like to imagine getting to do cool things Literal Child Soldiers?" but here the point clearly is that kids shouldn't have a full-time job instead of going to school and having a normal childhood and adolescence, and also more broadly that the adult in this situation is projecting his own issues onto the kids and does not actually know what's best for them. idk i think it's pretty obvious!)

on mabel's side of (not) coping with things, there's a lot to say about mabeland and what it represents. when i first watched this i was a little disappointed that they didn't make the inside of the bubble a perfect recreation of gravity falls with mabel living out her endless summer by pretending nothing's changed, complete with eerie fake replicas of her friends and family, and instead went full fantasy land...but i did ultimately like where they ended up going with it. i like the implication that mabel doesn't actually have fake versions of the other characters there because she's waiting for the real ones to show up so they can be together (or at least that's my headcanon. dippy fresh might count but he's just the "backup" there to agree with mabel when the real dipper inevitably goes against her plans.) i like that bill isn't too concerned about the others getting inside the bubble because it's designed to keep you trapped there by giving you whatever you want, plus it's an obvious "safe" place in the middle of all the chaos outside. i should probably make a separate post for this because i realized while thinking about this episode that i have a lot of thoughts on mabeland and how the bubble works. (originally the title for part 2 was going to be "escape from mabeland" but the crew thought it was too spoilery or would set up a different expectation from the fans, so it became "escape from reality" instead. which is technically the opposite of what the original title meant but it's still accurate because that's what mabeland is! she's trying to escape from reality!)

final thoughts were that a lot of people thought the conflicts were resolved too quickly in these last few episodes but i'm forgiving of it because they are working with limited time for these episodes here and it is still a kids' show. also the long hiatuses between episodes kind of messed with the fandom's sense of time back when they were first airing. i feel like there was so much fanart of the characters becoming hardened post-apocalyptic warriors during this era but the actual apocalypse in the show's time lasts for like, a week. maybe less.

anyway, watching the finale tonight and then i'll reread my copy of journal 3, and finally read the lost legends comics which just came in from the library, and then hopefully get on the long waitlist for the book of bill, aaaaaand then i'll be done and can go back to watching shows that aren't for kids. well i'll do that after running through over the garden wall one last time, it is the tenth anniversary after all.

[cancerously]

pretty please share some of ur favorite gravity falls secrets/tidbits/etc

oh my god how do i even pick uhm

the password to fiddleford's laptop (that bill destroys in sock opera) is "stanford". we only know this bc Alex Hirsch typed it into a replica at a meetup once in... russia, I believe, but god fidds you gay shit

Alex Hirsch's actual twin, Ariel, does a couple bit voices but the first time she appeared was during the boyband episode where she screams "I LOVE YOU DEEP CHRIS" because that whole episode was dedicated to her and her childhood dreams.

Same as above- Ariel always wanted a pig! And that's why Mabel has Waddles.

You can see Blendin Blandin in the background of the first ~6 or so episodes before The Time Traveller's Pig cleaning up the stuff from the end of that ep. It's all been there from the beginning.

Never 4get the fandom calling the stan and stan twin theory at like EPISODE FUCKING FOUR OR SOMETHING and then all of us going fuck apeshit when it ended up being real

these are the ones that came to mind immediately but if I started organizing episode-by-episode I'm sure I could find more LMAO

[tugoslovenka]

WHATTTT why didn't you like Bella as Ellie?? ;___;

i mean, the script was damn near a replica from game to show and my left toe emoted more than bella ramsay's entire body did in 95% of any scene. she has zero acting range beyond bored teenager and it shows? not to mention the direction to make her this weird unemotive psychopath was an odd choice to begin with. pedro also felt nothing like joel, he was just Some Dude. it was weirdly emotionless all the way through. the pilot and bill episode were the only good ones and honestly they had little to no bella or pedro content and that's saying something lol

[quarantineroulette]

10 Things That Somehow Didn’t Suck This Year (with a horror films sub-list).

2022 has been an unbelievably surreal and disparate year for me. On one hand, I achieved three long-running goals, visiting Barcelona, becoming a home-owner, and going on a mini-tour with my band. On the other hand, I was plagued by some of the worst periods of depression of my life and endured at least two solid months of virtually nonstop distress in which things got better for a little bit before going really hard on the mental strife. 

Due to so much weirdness going on, I didn’t listen to much music this year and I feel pretty ashamed about that (if you’re a friend and you released music this year, I intend on listening to it very soon, I swear). I’m also a little put off by critical writing in general right now but I still wanted to do some sort of year-end ranking for tradition’s sake. So here’s 10...entertainments? I appreciated this year - whether TV shows, movies, or going to gigs, even though there were a lot of those I unfortunately missed as well. Also throwing in a sub-list of favorite horror films, as those are one of the few things I can focus on even when things are completely haywire elsewhere.

*Atlanta: I really don’t consider a lot of art truly *perfect* but the Atlanta series finale -- and the entire 41-episode show, really -- absolutely was. Out of anyone in my generation, Donald Glover is far and away the *~creative~* I’m most in awe of, most of all for this singular and very special show. I’ll forever be grateful for the intelligence behind Atlanta (I really can’t think of a show James and I have discussed more), it’s unpredictability and the insane level of talent that could be found in its ridiculously stellar cast and crew. I loved everything about every minute of it, but my secret favorite episode was the one where Van has an identity crisis in Paris and Alexander Skarsgard cameos as a cross between an exaggerated version of himself and Armie Hammer. Utterly surreal, totally hilarious, and unquestionably brilliant. 

*“Punk Rock Loser” by Viagra Boys: I didn’t totally love Viagra Boys’ 2022 release Cave World but it still somehow became the album I listened to most this year, and “Punk Rock Loser” had no contest in terms of being my most listened to song. The band excels at songs about decidedly unsavory dudes, so “Punk Rock Loser” isn’t entirely new territory but it is catchy and weirdly groovy in its own little way. Plus, the music video is an instant classic, right down to the Adidas western shirt and completely silly synchronized dance routine. 

*The Rehearsal: This one is a bit of a cheat because I just watched the whole series in like three days so it’s at the forefront of my mind. But something tells me even if I had watched it three months ago I’d still be fucking reeling from it. Like, my sense of perception has been irrevocably scrambled. I need to sit in a dark room and question every interaction I’ve ever had with another human up to this point. I related to this show more than I’d like to admit and also found myself weirdly moved by it at times. Also, massive respect to Fielder for getting HBO to pay for, well, the entire thing, but especially the replica of the Alligator Lounge (although we all know Nate’s Lizard Lounge is really where it’s at). 

*Playing a show with The Veldt: We started working on new music this year so we didn’t play many shows, but we still had a fair amount of success on that front and played our first-ever gigs in the midwest (including a sold out show in Chicago). But being asked to play with criminally underrated shoegazers The Veldt was truly a high water mark (on what was unfortunately a very watery evening in Brooklyn). Had gone to see The Veldt in Philly a month prior to sharing a bill with them, and was wowed by Daniel Chavis’ stage presence and vocal delivery both times around, a pretty powerful counter to the head down aloofness that genre designation typically suggests. Totally cool and lovely guys to boot.

*Warren Ellis - Nina Simone’s Gum: See my previous post, but in short, this book is mesmerizing. What I assumed would be a fairly straightforward rock memoir instead was a loving tribute to Ellis’ idols, providing a lot of insight into collecting and the power we imbue certain objects with and why. Absolutely solidified my opinion that Ellis is one of the most beautiful souls (I mean, he started a sanctuary for wildlife with special needs for god’s sake!) 

*Aldous Harding at Union Transfer: Pretty much the only new music I listened to this year was the aforementioned Viagra Boys, Fontaines DC and Aldous Harding, and I was fortunate enough to see two out of three of these artists live in 2022 (Viagra Boys, maybe next year). Aldous Harding had been at the top of my gig-going wishlist pre-pandemic, so I feel especially grateful that seeing her became a reality this year. It often feels a bit weak to say “OMG I went to see (x) and they sounded just like the album,” but in Aldous’ case, this is kind of an extraordinary compliment, seeing as she sings as about a dozen different characters on her new record, sometimes flipping back and forth over several different vocal styles in a single song. Add to this Harding’s obscure yet very purposeful stage presence and that equals me being enraptured for 90 minutes straight. Had an excellent time pre-gaming at the awesome go-go cocktail bar The Trestle Inn beforehand as well. 

*Intermission: My 10 (actually 11) Favorite Horror Films of 2022

Yeah yeah yeah. Everyone has said it, it’s been a great year for horror. It’s always been my favorite genre and I’ve embraced it even harder since the pandemic for whatever reason. So, just like everyone else is doing, here are my 10 favorites that I’ve seen this year. I didn’t see everything, but I’ve seen enough to have some authority on what was good, maybe...

1) Pearl - Mia Goth’s unblinking stare over the end credits = haven’t been as frightened by a face since Laura Dern running toward the camera in INLAND EMPIRE. Deserves all its accolades and then some. 

2) The Menu - The cast, the setting, the dialogue, Colin Stetson’s score: everything about this was a horrible delight from start to finish. Watching Ralph Fiennes and Anya Taylor-Joy act together was thoroughly electrifying and I will never get Fiennes lobbing the insult “you donkey” at some rich asshole out of my head. 

3) Smile - I saw the trailer for this a zillion times and thought it honestly looked hilariously stupid. Zero expectations and threw me for a complete loop. Still didn’t find it that scary but it was fun as hell and the sound design was excellent. Also, I’m sorry to say I had no idea who (PA native!) Kyle Gallner was until this year but loved him in both this and Dinner in America. 

4) Men / Resurrection - Resurrection walked so Men could run, I guess. Overall, I preferred the former just because I honestly couldn’t believe my eyes for the last 20 minutes and I appreciated its mash-up of folk horror / home invasion / psychological horror / cosmic horror / body horror to the max. Resurrection had Rebecca Hall giving the most insane monologue of the year and my forever crush Tim Roth being a gaslighting sleaze-hound, and those are two things I will never shrug at. 

5) What Josiah Saw - If you ever longed for a southern gothic version of Fire Walk With Me, then head over to Shudder and take this fucked up baby for a ride immediately. Had a scene, totally free of violence or gore, that made me want to squirm right out of my skin. Robert Patrick FTW and was nice(?) to see Nick Stahl again too.

6) Watcher - Great Hitchcockian throwback with great performances by Maika Monroe and Burn Gorman and some beautiful shots of Bucharest. Tense enough that I was nervous going into the bathroom by myself when it was over. 

7) We’re All Going to the World’s Fair - To be honest, I didn’t love this when I was watching it, but jeez did it stick with me. Months after and I still feel a great sense of discomfort whenever I think about it. Not for everyone, but will thoroughly creep you out and fill you with a sense of crushing loneliness, if you’re down for that kind of thing. 

8) Something in the Dirt - Pretty much will be open to anything Moorhead and Benson do just because I find their grassroots approach to cosmic horror and world-building really inspiring. Their latest threw about a million different interests of mine into a pot so I found Something in the Dirt especially delicious. Some really low-key funny moments and I’m still trying to piece it all together but I’m so so happy these guys are out there challenging us and doing it all in such a home-spun way. 

9) Barbarian - Almost didn’t add this because the hype really got to me, but, I know -- that first half was super tense and Justin Long gave his all as perhaps the douchiest character of the year. 

10) Nope - Really wasn’t a fan of US but this was quite a return to form. Loved the set pieces and the unique take on alien design. The spoken word “Purple People Eater” bit was pretty ridiculous but I laughed all the same. The blood house was marvelous, though.

***

*“Turn Off Your Brain and Yell” by Suede: I often get anxious whenever a long-running band or artist I love releases something new, even when it’s a band I love as much as Suede, and was honestly not expecting much from their 9th release Autofiction, as it was being touted as more stripped down and less high concept and dramatic. The record is just fine but live the songs are phenomenal, particularly the fittingly cathartic “Turn Off Your Brain and Yell.” The Autofiction closer served as the band’s opener at their headlining show at Philadelphia’s The Met and it was like an emotional wildfire had just ignited. I’m certain every single neck hair of every person in that venue was standing on end from this song onward. Simply put, it fucking slammed. Anyway, this Suede / Manics US tour seemed like the ultimate dream to me on paper but unfortunately turned out a little bittersweet, but at least I can say for probably the only time ever that Michelle Obama possibly had a hand in preventing me from going backstage like I was supposed to (long story!). 

*The Bear: Didn’t think this could possibly live up to its hype, but really what a touching, funny, intense and lovingly made show. Jeremy Allen White, he seems a little like a himbo, but was completely captivated and moved by his portrayal of the emotionally complex and overwhelmed Carmy. Loved when Richie did or said pretty much anything and the (I cringe at the term) *~needle drops~* were spectacular. Ready to drink down a second season like Xanax-laced ecto-cooler. 

*Kendrick Lamar performing “Savior” at Glastonbury : I feel a bit of a faker listing this as I haven’t watched Kendrick’s Glastonbury 2022 performance in full yet (doing that over the weekend, hopefully), and I’ve only listened to Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers once. I have, however, been returning to this video over and over for months now and I love everything about it -- the lighting, minimalist stage set up -- in such stark contrast to an event as overblown as the Glastonbury festival -- the dancers, and of course the fake blood and glittery crown of thorns. Most of all, I love that the message takes precedence, as it should be but so rarely is these days. So, thank you Kendrick and all the preceding makers on this list for saying or doing something meaningful in a year that frequently felt meaningless. 

[papermoonloveslucy]

ELIZABETH TAYLOR

February 27, 1932

Elizabeth Rosemond Taylor was born on February 27, 1932, in Hampstead Garden Suburb, London. She received dual British-American citizenship at birth, as her parents were United States citizens. The family lived in London during Taylor's childhood. In early 1939, the Taylors returned to the United States due to fear of impending war in Europe.

In California, Taylor's mother (a former stage actress) was frequently told that her daughter should audition for films. She made her screen debut in There’s One Born Every Minute (1942). She was ten years old. Two years later she played the leading role in National Velvet.  This launched a meteoric film career that won her two Oscars (1961 and 1967). 

Lucille Ball first met Elizabeth Taylor in an arranged ‘set visit’ during the shooting of 1953′s The Long, Long Trailer.  After that, they appeared twice on the same television shows, but did not share screen time. 

“’A Star Is Born’ World Premiere” (1954) ~ a live television broadcast of the red carpet interviews before film’s world premiere. 

“Sunday Showcase: A Tribute to Eleanor Roosevelt on Her Diamond Jubilee” (1959)

Although she started appearing on television in the early 1950s, her scripted TV debut came in 1970 when Lucille Ball invited her to appear (along with her priceless engagement ring and her actor husband, Richard Burton) on a very special episode of “Here’s Lucy” titled “Lucy Meets the Burtons” (HL S3;E1).  

For this show, a special Guest Star credit was created. Liz got top billing!    Although this episode kicked off the third season, it was filmed much later and moved up as the season premiere airing on September 14, 1970. 

It ultimately became CBS’s highest rated show on the air for the 1971-72 television season.  It was also the best remembered episode of the entire series.

This show’s plot was built around the real-life publicity achieved when Richard Burton bought his wife Elizabeth Taylor a 68 carat Cartier diamond ring worth over a million dollars. Property Master Ken Westcott created two replica rings for the medium and long shots which were crafted from chandelier crystals. Although he wanted to keep one after the shoot, Ball took one and Taylor took the other.

 A thirty minute documentary film “Lucy Meets the Burtons: A Comedic Gem” was included on DVD release of “Here’s Lucy” season 3. It includes interviews with Lucie Arnaz, Carole Cook, and behind the scenes footage.

Although this was their first and last time acting together, Taylor and Ball appeared on several television specials together, although they usually did not share screen time. 

“Dinah!” (1977) ~ Dinah Shore interviews the First Ladies of Entertainment. Taylor is interviewed via remote telephone connection. 

“Happy Birthday, Bob” (1978) ~ 75th birthday salute to Bob Hope at the Kennedy Center in Washington D.C. Taylor talks about the previous evening’s reception featuring President Jimmy Carter and reads a message from Prince Philip, The Duke of Edinburgh. Taylor talks about Hope’s contributions to the USO.

“General Electric's All-Star Anniversary” (1978)

“Women I Love: Beautiful But Funny” (1982) ~ Bob Hope takes a look back at the beautiful and funny women he has worked with over the years. 

“Bob Hope's Unrehearsed Antics of the Stars” (1984)

“Bob Hope's High-Flying Birthday” (1987)

Elizabeth Taylor’s personal life was no less dramatic than her on screen roles. She was married eight times to seven men, marrying Richard Burton twice. 

Larry Fortensky (1991-1996)

John Warner (1976-1982) 

Richard Burton (1975-1976) 

Richard Burton (1964-1974) 1 child

Eddie Fisher (1959-1964) 

Mike Todd (1957-1958, his death) 1 child

Michael Wilding (1952-1957) 2 children

Conrad Hilton (1950-1951)

Taylor’s later years were spent doing philanthropic work, concentrating on AIDS and LGBTQ rights. Following her conversion to Judaism, Taylor became an active supporter of Jewish and Zionist causes. 

In 2000, Taylor was designated a dame, the female equivalent of knight, on the queen's coveted New Year's list of titles and awards.

"Well, I've always been a 'broad.' Now it's a great honor to be a dame!"

Dame Elizabeth Taylor died on March 23, 2011 of congestive heart failure at age 79. 

TAYLOR MADE! 

Although she may not have appeared, Elizabeth Taylor’s name was mentioned on Lucille Ball’s sitcoms many times. 

In “Lucy is Matchmaker” (ILL S2;E27 ~ May 25, 1953) Elizabeth Taylor’s name is not mentioned, but her face is quickly seen on camera on the cover of a magazine in a newsstand!  

Although her name is never stated, Elizabeth Taylor was clearly one of the influences when Lucy donned “The Black Wig” (ILL S3;E26 ~ April 19, 1954). Taylor sported short dark hair throughout much of the 1950s, including in her latest film at the time, The Girl Who Had Everything. Instead, Lucy gives Italian actresses like Gina Lollobridgida and Anna Magnani the credit. 

In “Ricky’s Movie Offer” (ILL S4;E6 – November 8, 1954) Lucy and Ethel accidentally knock out talent scout Ben Benjamin. Lucy revives him and tries to act casual, as if in mid-conversation. “Do you mean to tell me that Elizabeth Taylor looks just as pretty off screen as she does on?”

In “Hollywood Anniversary” (ILL S4;E24 ~ April 4, 1955) the list of celebrity guests supposedly coming to Lucy’s anniversary party includes Elizabeth Taylor and Michael Wilding, her second husband. 

Incredibly (or perhaps legally), Liz Taylor’s name IS NOT explicitly mentioned in “Lucy Plays Cleopatra” (TLS S2;E1 ~ September 30, 1963) although the premise was clearly influenced by the smash hit film that came out that same year starring Taylor as Cleo. She was the third to play the Egyptian queen on film, after Theda Bara (1917) and Claudette Colbert (1934).  

In “Lucy Goes to a Hollywood Premiere” (TLS S4;E20 ~ February 7, 1966) one of Lucy’s rare movie magazines has a (fictional) article titled “Marriage is Not for Me” (supposedly) written by Elizabeth Taylor when she was 12 years old! By that time, Taylor’s love life was fodder for Hollywood gossip mongers and tabloids. 

In “Lucy Dates Dean Martin” (TLS S4;E21 ~ February 14, 1966)  Eddie Feldman (Dean Martin) says that while Lucy is attractive, she is no Liz Taylor. Or Gina Lollobrigida. Or Brigitte Bardot.

In “Lucy and the Starmaker” (TLS S6;E4 ~ October 2, 1967), after singing for Lucy, Tommy (Frankie Avalon) says he never thought he had more than an average voice. Lucy replies “if that is an average voice Elizabeth Taylor is an average housewife.”  

In “Lucy and Robert Goulet” (TLS S6;E8 ~ October 30, 1967) Lucy Carmichael says she once entered an Elizabeth Taylor look-alike contest and never even heard from them!

In “Lucy and the Lost Star” (TLS S6;E22 ~ February 26, 1968) starring Joan Crawford, Lucy says that “Mr. Mooney wouldn’t lend a dime to Richard Burton even if he left Elizabeth Taylor as collateral.”

In “A Date For Lucy” (HL S1;E19 ~ February 10, 1969) Lucy and Mary Jane fantasize about dream dates for an upcoming soiree. They mention Richard Burton, but add that Elizabeth Taylor wouldn’t approve. 

In “Lucy the Stunt Man” (TLS S4;E5 ~ October 18, 1965), Mr. Mooney jokingly says that he’s testing for the male lead in Liz Taylor’s next picture!

In “Lcuy Goes on Her Last Blind Date” (HL S5;E16 ~ January 8, 1973), when Vanda is trying on the engagement ring Ben gave Lucy, she says “Liz Taylor, eat your heart out.”  

In “Milton Berle is the Life of the Party” (HL S6;E19 ~ February 11, 1974) Elizabeth Taylor is just one of the more than 15 celebrity names mentioned! 

[jenma2ca]

My Dream-

Granger

A TV Series about Hermione Granger at

Clifden Institute of Magic

Because Witches & Wizards who want to specialize need to study for an additional 3-4 years of study, preferably at an Institute of Magic. Duh!

Background-

IMs (Institutes of Magic) came into formation around the year 800. There had always been specialized organizations/program/academies for high levels of Magic. They usually took less than a handful of students each year. Around 800AD the area now know as Nairobi, Kenya had more than 20 of these academies. They joined together and the first IM was founded. IMs were few and small for many years. In the 1800s they continued to grown in enrollment and prestige. This was continued into the 1900s when these IMs became funded by magical governments offering exceptional witches and Wizards the chance to study advanced magics for free. Although specialized academies still exist throughout the world, there are only 25 Official IMs Globally. Although there have been rumors for years about secret IMs for high level dangerous or experimental Magic, none have been confirmed.

Clifden IM , in County Leitrim Ireland, was founded in the year 1050 by Merlin and Morgana High Wizard and Witch of Camelot. The IM itself is invisible to muggles. Only once in the early 1800s did a muggle once view Clifden. He believed it to be the gateway to another universe or perhaps Heaven. He went insane looking for it and eventually recreated the castle from what he remembered . The real Clifden Institute is 1000 times larger and more grand than the muggle replica castle. It is said to be one of the most expansive and beautiful Magical institutes on earth. While it is far from being the oldest, it is considered an elite school competing with Bayou IM in New Orleans, Louisiana USA, Nairobi IM, and Scholomance IM in Transylvania, Romania. (Rumored to be run by the devil to ward off Muggle, but actually run by Magical Creatures -Vampires-Werewolves-Giants-etc who were originally not allowed in traditional IMs, and still face discrimination in employment, the school's speciality is The Dark Arts)

The Show-

Hermione is awarded a special entry into a top level DADA program due to her fighting Voldemort. It’s her secondary field. Her Primary study is Comparative Magical Politics & Wizarding Relations . Hermione is beginning to think about a career in government. Normally student decide these things their final year of Hogwarts, but Hermione missed that year due to her Horcrux search. After graduating in 1999, she continued onto Clifden Institute of Magic.

Ron mises her. He supports her though. Time are hard with the distance. He’s undergoing intense training with Harry and of focused on work, but misses her a lot. Jealousy may occurs and they may go their separate ways for a while, but they always come back to each other. (It’s a TV series, we need the Drama!!)

Hermione & friends dealing with their PTSD of being children of war.

Hermione & her BFFs Ginny, Kellah, Angie, Ali, and Chelsea (aka Chelsea Cho-Chang, because “Cho” liked Quidditch but didn’t loved it and wants to leave her jock friends attitude, and childhood nickname in the past) hanging out, practicing magic on levels they didn’t know existed, dating. It’s PG-13 so nothing to out there, we want teens to see a beautiful intelligent Black leader in Hermione as she growns up, so it will be darker with more adult themes, but still PG-13.

Hermione Roomies/Friends/Classmates/Emenies

Apartmentmates- Parvarti & Padma Patil, Kellah Williams. Ginny Weasley (first woman in the family to go to a IM, her mom is very proud)

Next door student apartments

-Percy Weasley & Penelope Clearwater. Percy worked the ministry taking corospondance classes in Comparative Magical Politics & Wizarding (Hermione's same field) at the ministry’s Intern program, as they were funded by his intern job. After the battle at Hogwarts Percy needed a change, and after a breakdown he decided to quit his job and become a full time student. He is now a third year student and Hermiones’s SA (Sorcerers Apprentice/ AKA TA). He currently lives with his girlfriend Penny.

- Dean Thomas. Seamus Finnigan. Neville Longbottom. Ibrahim “Ibi” Bem. Emmanuel “Manny”Bem (who BTW- parents were Voldy supporters even though their mom’s big bro, AKA Uncle Kingsley fought him at Hogwarts. Their parents were killed a few weeks after the battle of Hogwarts and now the boys are being raised by their Uncle the new Minister of magic. They aren’t handeling all their new found “fame” too well.

- Angelina “Angie” Johnson. Alicia “Ali” Spinnet. Two of Hermiones closest friends.

- Hannah Abbot. Susan “Susie” Bones. Marietta “Mari” Edgecombe. Chelsea Cho Chang.

-Justin Finch Fletchley. Ernie Macmillan. Zachariah “Zach” Smith. Michael Corner

-Off Campus Student Mansion. Cuz you know these girls pulled some strings, pooled their money and bought the nicest place in Clifden.

-Pansy Parkinson. Mafalda “Mal” Weasley. Flora Carrie. Hesita “Hess” Carrow. Daphnee & Astoria “Tori” Greengrass.

-Draco Malloy. Blaise Zambini. Joshua “Pike”.

Off campus apartments ( non students)

Lee Jordan. With occasional long visits from his BFF George Weasley who really wants to hang out with Angie.

“Friends/Frenemies” who drop by for a few episodes throughout the series

(these people don’t go to Clifden as Students but still can come by

“ Katie”Bell. Leanne. Oliver Wood. Cormac McLaggen. “Romi” Vane. Dennis Creavy. Luna Lovegood. “Greg” Goyle. “Millie” Bullstrode. Adrian Pucey. Chase Vasiey. Marcus Flint. “Theo” Nott. Miles Bletchley. Graham Montague. Graham Pritchard. Malcom Braddock. Gemma Farley. Cassius “Cass” Warrington. Harry Potter. “Ron”/“Charlie”/“Bill” & Flure Weasley/ . (Some deep cuts here- if you know you know)

Also let’s be honest, HP was pretty white. Black Hermione being roommates with The Patil sisters, & Kellah, and BFFs with Angie, Ali, Dean, Lee, the Bem Bros, & Chelsea would be pretty cool. They have to kick Blaise’s Anti-muggle ass though.

Ps 19 years ago, Snape one got stupid potion drunk after he ran into a Lily-Lookalike visiting London from Canada. He saw her again that night, and being that she had just had a bad breakup and he looked like her goth musician boyfriend, well... lets just say, Draco is going to have surprise roommate who just graduated from Ilvermorny and reminds him very very much of an old teacher, with Lilly’s eyes of course 😋

[notagamersdey]

The Dream

Painting by: Henri Rousseau

Photo (2021) and Story By Tyler D. Ortiz

Rating: T

Word Count: 2k~

Warnings: bad language, panic attacks

A/N: So this story is inspired by the Pedro Pascal episode of the podcast Talk Art (31:14-34:15). Go check that out if you want to hear some fun stories by the hosts and pp.

Summary: Matias, after losing his chance to act in a popular TV show, is taken to the Museum of Modern Art by his sister where he realizes he has nothing to lose.

~~~

Today, I’m supposed to meet my sister Lyanna here at East Village Pizza. She said it was a special treat for getting my first “big” role on Law & Order. When I told her the news, she had jumped up for joy, squealing my ear off. It wasn’t a big deal, just another job for the bills, but she was adamant that this job was a life changer. She’s says that about every job.

I came to the pizza parlor early, grabbing my favorite seat in front of the window. We normally sat here when we came because it gave us the perfect view of cold, angry New Yorkers. I had ordered our pizza, waiting for her to arrive when my phone starts to buzz.

I open it up and put it against my ear, holding it with my shoulder, “This is Matias.”

“Matias, I'm sorry to tell you…” Fuck, “…but we’ve decided to go in a different direction...” It’s the fucking casting director, droning on, saying those same fucking words, “You have wonderful talent.,” “You didn’t fit the director's vision.,” etcetera. Etcetera. ETCETERA. It's all movie-talk for “You weren't good enough.”

Grabbing the scruff behind my neck, I slammed my phone shut and stuffing it into my jacket pocket. What the hell was I going to do now? Three hundred bucks – gone in an instant.

“Here’s your order, Sir,” A waiter places the small pizza in front of me, and you know, today was one of the rare days I was able to scrounge enough money to afford the luxury of a decent slice of pizza, and now I can’t even enjoy it.

“God dammit,” It’s moments like these when memories of my father came hit me like a freight train. He used to berate me about goals and aspirations, telling me, “It’s never going to happen, Matias,” and “It’s not a job. You won’t get anywhere with that.” In high school, I used to constantly fight with him, telling him my dreams were achievable. That I would succeed as an actor. He would laugh in my face; tell me they were unobtainable. I mean... Maybe he was right.

Now, I’m living in one of the most expensive cities with over 300,000 dollars in debt, 40 bucks to my name, and a dead-beat waiter job at Planet Hollywood that barely pays for food let alone the bills. I have no back-up plan, no emergency fund. I just had my bachelor's degree in acting, which won't pay for shit.

I shake my head. My neck and back start to ache, an oncoming migraine sitting on my temples.

Matias, the fuck do you want to do that for?

Matias, you’re not good enough.

Matias, you will always be alone.

I stand to leave, throwing the untouched pizza in the trash on my way out the door. The cold winter air bites at my nose when I step outside. I pull my scarf up closer to my neck and make my way down East 9th Street.

Leaving the restaurant doesn’t help. Hopelessness rushes over me like a tsunami. The texture of the wool sweater underneath my jacket scratched annoyingly at the exposed skin on my wrists. It’s a cold wintery day but I feel incredibly hot underneath the layers. A nervous sweat builds underneath my beanie. Everyone’s staring, I know it. They know I've failed yet again. They know I’m just a naïve child.

His voice repeats in my head like a tornado siren, yelling, screaming at me, “You will not survive.”

You will not make an income.

You will not have healthcare.

You are setting yourself up for failure.

…You will die- My phone starts to buzz again. I really want to fucking ignore it but if it’s Lyanna, she’d have every cop in the city on my ass within the hour.

“Hey.” I cough, trying to clear my throat. Act normal.

“Mat! I’m sorry I’m late, I’m-” She sounds like she’s running.

“Actually, Sis, I left…” I stop in the middle of the pavement, getting shoved and cursed at by the impetuous crowd around me.

“What? Why?” Her concerned voice seeps through the phone. Suddenly, heat shoots up my back. She’s going to be upset.

I move off to the side, leaning up against a wall of graffiti, “I didn’t get the job after all.”

I hear her let out a breath, “Different direction?” She asks, knowingly.

I nod, “Yea... said I could act the part, but I didn’t fit the type of Latino they were going for... whatever the hell that means.” I spit out, bitterly.

“Means they’re bigoted.” I can hear the annoyed twinge in her voice.

“Yea... probably...” Lyanna stays quiet. “Hey... So, I’m not really up for doing anything... Can we just go home?”

“Umm...” She hums, clicking her tongue, “No.”

“Lyanna...” Please.

“No, no, I’m serious, I know you. Once you get home you're going to sulk in your room for days. Let's bypass the self-pity and go have fun. Take your mind off it.”

I’m silent for a moment, feeling my anxiety subside as I focus on her words, “What do I get if your wrong?”

“A fresh slice of cheese pizza to replace the one you probably threw away...” She laughs, “Now, how ‘bout MoMA?”

“Sure… MoMA sounds good.”

I’ve always found it difficult to find the Museum of Modern Art. The only way anyone would be able to tell where this museum was is with the three bright red banners hanging off the side of the building holding their acronym in an even darker shade of red. This was basically every building in New York so, of course, I pass right by it. Lyanna managed to catch me before I got too far. She runs up to me and immediately linked her arm into mine.

“Hey stranger, took you long enough.” She greats, warmly.

“You know how it is.”

“Oh common, where’s that smile? We are celebrating!” She starts to pull me into the museum, warm air painting my face when she opens one of the doors.

“Celebrating a failure.”

“Celebrating life.”

We walk in and are bombarded with hordes of people packed in front of every corner of the room. It's as if every single person visiting New York had decided that they would all collectively visit the museum on this specific day. Maybe they were having an event. People of all shapes and sizes were packed in front of each art piece, creating a thick barrier preventing outsiders from looking in on their beauty. In the corner of the room is a balloon man handing out replicas of Jeff Koon’s Balloon Dog to children. I clench my teeth at the disgusting sound of rubber and latex rubbing together. I feel a hot prickling in my neck at the sight of a child squeezing the neck of their bright metallic green Balloon Dog, another child on the edge of crying as she violently hit her blue Balloon Dog onto her stroller seat.

Someone bumps into me. I feel myself tense up. Don’t touch me. I take my arms away from Lyanna, hiding them in my pockets. Lyanna looks up at me, “Hey, are you okay?”

Fuck no,“Yes.”

“You sure? You seem tense,” she raises her eyebrow.

“No. No... I'm good... There’s just.” Act normal, “A lot of people.”

“Well, if you’re sure...” Everyone is breathing my air - of course I’m not sure. “You wanna start off this way then make our way around?” she asks pointing to her left. I nod.

She guides me to the fifth floor, to our first painting. Shes pushing through the crowds so we could get a closer look. It’s a dark painting with a black, shadowy silhouette of an elephant trudging on an upwards incline. The air around him grey, as if he was pushing through a sandstorm. He is struggling to get to wherever he was headed. I’m suddenly pushed closer to the struggling elephant. Lyanna snaps at someone behind me. A balloon pop’s. A child's scream echo around the room. The dark clouds surrounding the elephant fill my edge of my vision as my eyes zoom into the lonely elephant. My throat begins to close. My heart hurts. A voice in my head whispers “You’re dying. You’re dying.” in a joyous chant. I try to breathe but nothing can get through. My hands prickle. My chest stutters. The elephant fades. Only the shadowing and silhouettes of people fill my vision. I still feel the pain in my throat, as I try to breath in air.

Lyanna speaks but her voice is muffled. The darkness that had overtaken my vision slowly fades away. I sit up straight, feeling the soft leather beneath me, becoming aware of my surroundings. We are in different exhibit. It's completely empty. I shift, feeling the leather bench beneath my finger tips. The silence is soothing.

“You feeling better?” Lyanna sits next to me with a cup of water in her hands, causing the leather beneath creaked.

I close my eyes. God. She grabs at my hand but I pull away. Please go away. I can feel her eyes burning into my soul. It’s unbearable. I turn away from her. Please go away. She grips at the cup tightly. The crunch of the cup is excruciating.

“Matias.” She attempts to grab my hand again. I see it coming from a mile away. Like in slow motion. The closer she got, the more I dreaded the contact.

“Fuck! Stop! Can you please just give me a God damn minute?” I stand up trying to get away.

“What is happening?” She’s mad. You’ve ruined everything.

“I don’t want to be fucking touched, Lyanna. Just stop. Stop everything. Leave me alone.” I’m staring at the floor. If I look at her, I’m going to lose it. Shameful. Embarrassing.

“I’m only trying to help.” You’re an embarrassment.

“You’re not!” She’s going to never going to forgive you.

“Okay…” She stands slowly, “Let’s relax for a moment… I’ll be back in a few minutes… Just text me if you need anything.” I don’t say anything while she walks away, the sound of her shoes fading. I sit back down onto the chair, head in my hands.

I take a few deep breaths, focusing on the ground beneath me. The floor is smooth, my hair is soft and messy, the pressure of my elbows on my knees grow. My eyes leave the floor only to be met with a flood of green. A naked woman waking up on a large red couch in the middle of a jungle. Light green paints the leaves towards the bottom of the canvas and becomes darker going up towards the sky. The bright flowers burst up in different directions as the moon peaks through the canopy. The woman is surrounded by hidden animals. I spot a few hidden tigers, a white bird on the top left, a person hidden in the shadows playing an instrument, a few monkeys in the trees and an elephant beyond the trees staring back at me. It was a paradise. So sure of herself, she sits there facing away from me as if she has nothing to lose. She sits unafraid of the world around her.

I can’t relate. I’ll never get my chance. I’ll never not be afraid. I continue to stare at her, trying to understand what she may have done differently. Maybe she kept going. Maybe she stopped caring. Or maybe someone gave her a chance. Whatever she did must’ve worked because she continues to sit as if she has nothing left to lose –

“Henri Rousseau’s The Dream,” I jump. Lyanna stands on my right, staring at the painting with a hand on her hip, “Most people hate this painting.”

“I don’t see why…”

“Eh… Everybody has their own opinions…” She approaches cautiously, “Do you feel any better?”

I nod. “S-sorry,” I look back to the painting, “I just needed a moment to myself.”

“Don’t apologize… I should’ve… I don’t know, been more mindful, I guess.” She sits down next to me. I can see her hesitate before she puts a hand on my shoulder, “Are you going to be okay?”

I don’t answer at first. I look back at the painting. The Dream she called it. Maybe, this was the woman’s dream. Maybe she is like me. Our chances will arise. She strives towards her peace with nature around her as I strive for success in the asphalt jungle. Just as she has nothing left to lose, I, too, have nothing to lose. We are the same.

“Yea… I think I will be.”

~~~

Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think! Let me know if I missed a tag or a warning.

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Till Next Time!

-Dey

[scotianostra]

The actor Bill Simpson was born as William Nicholson Simpson on September 11th 1934 in Ayrshire.

Most famous for his portrayal of Dr Finlay, Simpson was originally an announcer on the BBC before switching channels and being plucked from reading the news with Scottish ITV in Glasgow to start his acting career, his only film role I could find was an uncredited part in The 39 Steps, he did however appear in several TV movies including Green Cars Go East, The Highlander and Mother of Men all in the 50’s.

TV roles for Simpson though are aplenty, Z Cars, The Master of Ballantrae, Scotch on the Rocks, The Mackinnons and The Good Companions are just s few in a career spanning four decades, from the 50’s to the 80’s.

It is Dr Finlay that some of you will remember him from, Bill Simpson hailed from the wee fishing village of Dunure, like Dr Finlay, he was an ex-farmer and the fictional village of Tannochbrae could have passed as a fair replica of his home, in fact the prodigal son returned to Dunure to film an episode in the series. The show made stars of the dapper Bill Simpson, veteran actor Andrew Cruickshank and Barbara Mullen. Dr. Finlay’s Casebook ran for eight seasons over 9 years the final episode, “The Burgess Ticket”, being shown on 3 January 1971, Simpson also took the role for 104 audio episodes broadcast on Radio 4.

After being plagued with heart problems his roles thinned out in the 80’s and he passed away at his house in Mauchline in December 1986 from a bronchopneumonia

[buzzdixonwriter]

Gorgo

I recently rewatched Gorgo, a 1961 US / UK / Irish kaiju co-production, a film I hadn’t seen in several years (at least five, maybe as many as ten).

The last couple of times I watched it I wasn’t paying close attention, just letting it play in the background as I did other stuff.  

Now, having actually paid attention to it again, I’m delighted it holds up as well as my memory told me it did.

I first encountered Gorgo in 1961 when my father took my younger brother and I to see it as the Fine Arts Theater in Asheville, NC.

The Fine Arts, one of only two movie theaters in Asheville (there may have been a 3rd that I didn’t know about due to the segregation laws of that era) specialized in more outre’ fare and typically got the monster and horror shows, as well as the Hercules movies and =ahem!= adult dramas.

It was a memorable trip for several reasons, not the least of which being my younger brother freaking out at the climax when he turned to grab Dad’s arm only to find Dad had gone to the rest room.

Not a great movie but certainly a good one, Gorgo in retrospect was somewhat groundbreaking and as such more deserving of attention.

The late film historian Bill Warren and I would often discuss old sci-fi movies.  Bill, of course, wrote the seminal reference work on 1950s sci-fi movies, Keep Watching The Skies (highly recommended; go order it right now).

He argued that the fifties sci-fi boom may have started in 1950* but it really ended in 1962 when the last of the films put into production in the 1950s finally came out.

I argued that the line was fuzzier, greyer, with some titles showing a clearly different mindset than others released the same year.

Such is the case with Gorgo.

Basically, 1950s sci-fi is about re-establishing the status quo.  Several end quite explicitly stating this (Earth Vs. The Flying Saucers for one) while others allude to the fact that the menace may return…someday.

But their point always was that by the end of the picture things returned to what passed for normal.

Even Forbidden Planet returns to normal by destroying Altair IV and the truly god-like Krell machines found there, thus preventing anyone else from using them.

But 1960s sci-fi had an entirely different flavor, and that flavor was that by the end of the movie things had changed irrevocably and forever.

There was no going back to the way things were, there was only the new normal -- however different and bizarre that normal might be.

Gorgo is a sixties sci-fi film.

Giant monster movies -- what we now refer to as kaiju due to Japan’s dominance of the genre -- started way back in the silent era (like almost everything else in cinema, Georges Melies got there first) with King Kong as the most prominent example before the atom age.

King Kong’s success on TV in the late 40s spurred Warner Bros. to make The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms and that in turn spurred Toho to make Gojira (US title:  Godzilla, King Of The Monsters) and that inspired a giant monster race on both sides of the Pacific.

England, not wanting to feel left out of the fun, made The Giant Behemoth which is an okay but underwhelming example of the genre, noteworthy only for being stop motion animators Willis O’Brien’s last feature work (he worked on other films after that, but not as an animator).

By the late 1950s Godzilla’s popularity inspired the King brothers (US slot machine distributors) to make their own giant monster movie, and despite their unfamiliarity with the genre they made several smart decisions, the first of which was hiring Eugene Lourie.

Lourie had one of those fabulous “cast your fate to the wind” careers that included working as art director on Jean Renoir films in France.

Like so many others, as the Nazis rose in power, Lourie came to America where he continued doing art direction among other behind the camera film work.  His experience with special effects got him a gig direction The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms and from there he directed a few TV episodes then The Colossus Of New York (not what we’d call a kaiju film today, but definitely one of the oddest sci-fi movies ever made) and The Giant Behemoth (itself essentially a remake of The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms).

When the King brothers approached him to direct Gorgo, he was reluctant, agreeing to make the film only they let him do something no other sci-fi film of the 1950s (or before!) had ever done:  Let the monsters win.

While Lourie later complained he felt the film fell short of what he intended, there’s no denying he was swinging for the outfield fence with this one.

The King brothers’ best idea was that they’d start with a 20-ft tall monster getting captured and brought to London, only for the protagonists to belatedly realize they’ve captured a baby and mama is gonna come looking for him.

It ends with Mama defeating everything humanity had to throw at it and returning to the sea with her child, the surviving humans watching them depart and realizing they can no longer consider themselves the absolute masters of all they survey.

That point gets lost in the feel-good moment of mother rescuing child, but it’s there, and it marks Gorgo as one of the first sci-fi films to embrace the concept that change was inevitable and inescapable.

Gorgo is an expertly crafted film, not perfect by a long shot, but satisfying all the way through.  Lourie’s talent as an art director contributed mightily to the film’s final dramatic effect, and the scenes of London panicking as Mama Gorgo comes looking for her child has an intensity lacking in most kaiju films.

As Bill Warren observed, there’s not a lot of originality here, but that’s okay because Lourie and the King brothers covered a number of details typically left out of movies like this, namely how the %#$@ are you going to get your kaiju back to civilization?

Sharp eyed observers will notice a lot of stock footage in this movie (with footage of the British and US navies being used interchangeably for the same ships and crews), but Lourie also disguised some of it well.  

The cost conscious King brothers filmed a lorry carrying a full size replica of Gorgo (doped up and trussed up with nets) through a deserted Piccadilly Circus by sneaking cameras in and doing a wholly unauthorized shoot early on a Sunday morning (explained away in the film as the police ordering people off the streets to reduce the danger of Gorgo escaping).

In a couple of scenes Lourie superimposes his actors over background plates shot for big budget WWII epics, creating a far larger sense of scale than the movie actually had.

The miniatures and the lighting of same are exceptionally well done and very convincing for the era.  Matte work to combine the Gorgos with humans is pretty seamless.

The Gorgo monster suit itself?  Ehhh…not quite so well done.  Call it adequate, certainly not an embarrassment, but far from the best example of the genre.

The movie certainly ended in a far different place than other kaiju of the era and ended up having a surprisingly long half-life as a comic book spin off by Steve Ditko that followed the adventures of Gorgo and his Mama.

There’s a lot that can be done with this kaiju combination, and it’s a shame that’s going to waste.

If ever there was a movie deserving of an upgraded remake, it’s Gorgo.

  © Buzz Dixon

  * When a particular epoch in pop culture starts / stops is always open to debate.  Since Bill wouldn’t consider short films or serials in Keep Watching The Skies he omits several serials released before 1950 that anticipated the sci-fi boom, in particular The Purple Monster Strikes, the first of Republic’s Martian invasion serials as well as the first cinematic sci-fi excursion to include all of the key elements of 1950s American sci-fi:  Paranoia, alien invasion, body possession.  (For those keeping score at home, the Republic Martian serials are The Purple Monster Strikes, Flying Disc Man From Mars, and Zombies Of The Stratosphere though one can argue King Of The Rocket Men, Retik, The Moon Menace, and Commando Cody, Sky Marshall Of The Universe are crossovers of one kind or another; the first three serials were unintentionally linked when cost conscious Republic decided to recycle costumes and props and rewrote dialog to refer to prior releases in order to cover their budgetary limits.)

[palilalia]

PAL-059 Bill Orcutt and Michael Morley LP

“Electric Guitar Duets”

LP reissue of Land & Sea’s limited 2016 tape documenting a performance by guitarists Michael Morley and Bill Orcutt at the L&S gallery in Oakland.

“As an episode typical of buddy comedies where a great idea sets in motion a catastrophically idiotic plan, Bill Orcutt and Michael Morley’s attempted incognito infiltration of now-defunct women’s public bath Osento, once located on Valencia Street in San Francisco, flips the sequence of events on its head. How unsuccessful our erstwhile Daphne and Josephine were in the above endeavor is directly related to the reliability of that beloved and versatile adhesive product known as duct tape. Roll your eyes and mutter “oh god” in whatever sequence seems most euphonious to you, just as Sgt. Anne Guthrie at the police station four blocks away did when they were hauled in, but be prepared to accept the explanation, as did she, that tequila and a game of Truth Or Dare gone awry were the real criminals. Once regrettable antics were permanently affixed to the rearview mirror, the pair chauffeured across the bay to Land And Sea, the cozy gallery on San Pablo Avenue in Oakland and sobered up on vegan cocktail wieners and gummie vitamins. You may doubt, you may scoff — have fun with it, champion, seriously — but on July 6, 2016, they rendered a landscape where miniature squalls grind in between seamlessly intersecting improv, and they did it sharp as the slap of a palmful of plum-colored hazelmyer elixir following a good, close shave.

The distinctive sound of the Fender Telecaster as played without effects by Orcutt (“one of music’s premier abstractionists,” according to Osmo Montesanto) remains unblunted throughout the album, an aggressively serrated presence within Mr. Morley’s contrapuntal flanking. This freely improvised performance is imbued with discipline and deliberate restraint, the better to connect the players more to the sound than to the instruments. “The electric guitar forms a relationship with the amplifier,” said Morley in an interview with Monster Fresh back in 2010, “As this defines many things unable to be conveyed with language.”

The duo’s number-one fan worldwide Cye Husain, pictured on the back cover, would surely attest that the singular structure-building of Orcutt and Morley defies and transcends most any “well, actually” bloviature that the usual bore-splainers will need to hurl into the troposhere. For instance, that a third guitar is clearly audible at certain parts in the mix — beautifully recorded by Gabie Strong, by the way — can be accounted for most sensibly by Aotearoan metaphysics. Mr. Morley’s ax of choice was “Patu Tutae Opoko Nui, a 2006 Squire Telecaster made in Indonesia that I had modified over the years. It died and was ushered up to Valhöll in Gothenburg, Sweden in 2018.” Readers opting to take a moment to refer to Morley’s Instagram post dated 6 June 2018 and view the last rites of this extraordinary combination of wood and metal should do so now. He cried. You should expect to do the same. “The sound of a third guitar,” explains Morley, “will no doubt be the ghosts of the Kaumatua Opoko Nui serenading us from the ether of the beyond.” Certified and confirmed: the blockchain nodes of Afterlife 2.0 function as designed, allowing a dead guitar to accompany itself two years before its death. That’s some long-white-cloud Ouija right there, superior to and more efficient than getting stopped at customs with a bunch of undeclared pedals in the pockets of your cargo shorts.

Electric Guitar Duets is that otherworldly modulation we all crave and rarely find, hovering halfway between a deeply satisfying lattice of blurred sky roars and the soundtrack from a Stefan Jarworzyn biopic scored by Sergio Leone left on the floor out of its sleeve. Morley and Orcutt hold everything sideways at least as well as the centrifugal force required for slow-motion footage of mannequins riding tiny motorcyles around the inside of a chrome replica of Lee Van Cleef’s skull. For other examples of fluid-splattered shards glistening inside crimson murk pulsations, only murder rolling through cold, cold blood comes to mind as superior to this 44-minute live recording.” — S. Glass

BUY

[quarterfromcanon]

27-29 for the get to know my favorites game

Hello, lovely! Thank you for these. :) Trios turned out to be a surprising challenge (I apparently have more favorite groups of four than three), but I’m pretty happy with the ones I remembered after giving it some thought. The final picks are under the cut! <3

Top 5 BROTPs

1. Paula Proctor & Rebecca Bunch (Crazy Ex-Girlfriend) - Naturally, this was the immediate choice that sprang to mind. It’s the first relationship on the show I really fell in love with, and it’s the one friendship in the series that consistently tugs on my heartstrings. It’s flawed, complicated, and messy but the genuine connection underneath it all is strong enough that I’m hopeful they can work through their problems. I would’ve preferred to see more emphasis on that effort in the fourth season (and a lot more work on Rebecca’s friendships with Heather and Valencia as well), but I want to believe things improved between them after the finale. 

2. Steve Harrington & Robin Buckley (Stranger Things) - The general public opinion of Steve Harrington has been on such a journey since Season 1, bringing him now to a status of common fan favorite. As such, I think a delicate balance needed to be struck in finding a suitable match to team up with him on adventures. This person needed to:

A) Have good chemistry in their interactions with Steve

B) Bring a new dynamic to the table that he didn’t already have with an existing connection 

and most importantly 

C) Be a unique and engaging character that the audience would care about individually, so they didn’t get lost in simply being an offshoot of Steve’s story. They couldn’t be relegated to perpetual sidekick with little else to define them.

As far as I’m concerned, Robin Buckley fits the bill on every account. She’s artistic, resilient, loyal, and - especially endearing to me - a movie buff. She has a quick wit, a sharp mind, and a big heart. Being friends with Robin helps Steve take the specter of his high school self less seriously so he can put it behind him, and she helps him more fully embrace the person he’s becoming in the wake of that lost status. Having Steve for a friend helps Robin resolve some lingering emotional scars from school as well. It gives her an opportunity to share her authentic self with a peer and - to her relief and ours - find acceptance after revealing a pretty important secret. I can’t wait to watch the two of them be adorably nerdy and goofy bros at Family Video in Season 4, presumably with some daring fights against dark forces when they’re off the clock. Does saying I hope Kali comes to Hawkins somehow and bonds with one or both of them mean I can speak that into existence? I’m doing that now. It’s worth a try. If it happens in some capacity when the time comes, know that I will throw a One Blogger Party of epic proportions. 

3. Wynonna Earp & Nicole Haught (Wynonna Earp) - I had to use this specific screencap because it perfectly encapsulates the chaotic energy that makes me loves these two together so much. Their separate approaches to their shared work environment are at pretty much polar opposite ends of the spectrum, but they make a pretty solid team when they play to each other’s strengths and communicate. They also both love Waverly most of all, so it feels like they were bound to work out their differences eventually since neither would want to make her feel torn between her sister and her girlfriend. The hijinks they get up to in each other’s company are just top shelf. I look forward to at least a little bit of fun like that from every season. If I wind up having a lasting partner later on down the road, it’d be cool if their personality balanced well with my sister’s on this level. I’d also be really happy if I ultimately gelled with her person in a way that sounded unlikely at first but worked. Fingers crossed for both outcomes, but I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

4. Emily Thorne [Amanda Clarke] & Nolan Ross (Revenge) - I have two things to quickly clarify for those who are unfamiliar with this show.

#1 She has two listed names because she was born Amanda Clarke but goes by Emily Thorne for most of the series to hide her true identity. 

#2 Despite the impression this picture may give, Nolan is not marrying Emily; he is simply walking her down the aisle. 

These two are there for each other through so much - the looming threat of discovery, jail time, capture, near death experiences, heartbreak, the passing of loved ones, etc. - and they make it to the other side with a deep bond the likes of which they’ll never experience with another person. It is at times heavily one-sided because of how much drama Emily deliberately dives into, but it’s something that she tries to make up for during her more self-aware and less self-involved times. There’s genuine love and mutual respect there by the finale and it’s really gratifying to witness the journey they’ve taken together. 

[~Slightly spoiler-y closing statement after these brackets~] I was pretty sure I knew where the show was going with romantic ships by the end. I knew for certain it wasn’t my personal OTP for her because they’d already killed that person off quite some time ago. There was a part of me that could’ve found some contentment in leaving the story with these two as a couple. After all, one of my favorite ship dynamics is Reluctant Acquaintances to Best Friends to Lovers, but it was not to be. That being said, the platonic friendship they shared was a big part of the heart of the show and I cherish it for that. Nolan was a rare exception for Emily, a genuine bond formed in the years when she was tried to operate like her heart was made of stone. I also think working with Emily gave Nolan a sense of purpose and let him flourish in his area of expertise. I’m not sure how either of them would feel about the musical reference but, to slightly paraphrase from Wicked: because they knew each other, they have been changed for good.

5. Penelope Stamp & Bang Bang (The Brothers Bloom) - I have seen Rachel Weisz and Rinko Kikuchi in more roles since this movie than I had prior to watching it for the first time so, if anything, my fangirling over this friendship has gotten worse rather than more manageable. x) This post classified the film under the subgenre whimsical noir. It turns out that’s a style I instantly adore every time I stumble upon it. One of the titular brothers, Stephen, lives so deeply immersed in the variations of the world he writes for their heists that even those closest to him are essentially characters he can interact with on a daily basis. His feelings for them as people can get very muddled with his feelings for them as interesting OCs to move through narratives. A big trouble with this is that his living archetypes can often get reduced to clichés. He’s not always mindful of their nuances or allowing for the full range of their autonomy. Penelope is selected by Stephen to serve as the “manic pixie dream girl” who will be his brother Bloom’s forever love and Bang Bang is essentially presented as a “dragon lady” stereotype. I haven’t done a rewatch in years so I may be giving the movie too much credit here, but I remember this choice feeling at least semi-deliberate. It could be interpreted as a way to illustrate how Stephen warps real life to fit his vision. At least, I can definitely remember scenes that felt like they debunked the one-note assessments of these two. What I genuinely love, though, are the little moments when Penelope and Bang Bang are able to just spend time together with little to no interference from Stephen or Bloom. They share their hobbies and teach each other new skills. It feels like they truly perceive one another as whole human beings on a level that neither guy is capable of doing since they’re both so immersed in the drama of the plot. When the women are with each other, they get to be more than an extension of the men who maneuver them; they get to be themselves. Penelope is the only one Bang Bang clearly wants to maintain contact with once the heist is finished. I think that says a lot. Honestly, this is another BROTP that could slide to OTP. If someone wrote fic of them completely severing ties with the brothers and going off on their own - romantically or platonically - I wouldn’t be upset at all. 

Top 5 Trios

1. Luke, Leia, & Han (Star Wars Episodes IV - VI) - Oh dear, I’m overwhelmed just looking at a picture of them together. Star Wars has been a part of my life since childhood. Getting to watch the original trilogy felt like a rite of passage (when I was really little, Mom used to find things for us to do outside the room while Dad watched because she was afraid some of it might scare me). Princess Leia resounded with me on a level that almost no other fictional royalty has ever quite matched. Han’s wardrobe is still some serious #aestheticgoals and I would 100% wear replicas of his jackets and vests if I had them. I also remember thinking that Luke’s new look in Return of the Jedi was SO COOL with the all-black wardrobe and green lightsaber. Wow, imagine that, an edgy costume change that shared vibes with the common Disney villain color palette called to me as a baby fan of antagonists and antiheroes! Who ever could have foreseen that sudden spike in appreciation? :P Anyway, one of my lingering sorrows about the more recent trilogy is that we never got to see all three of them as aged adults in each other’s company. I still wanted our new cast to get their time to shine, of course, but I do lament the absence of at least one little trio reunion.

2. Luna, Neville, & Ginny (Harry Potter series) - The Silver Trio, pictured here with the first set of three that comes to mind when thinking about the books and movies. I do still love Harry, Ron, and Hermione, but I’ve found a growing appreciation for this other team-up over the years. They’ve been through a lot too, even if they are not always present where the main action is. Bullying, loss of parents, manipulation of the mind and body, abuse at the hands of authority figures - they’re all left with internal (and probably external) scars to bear. There’s also something to be said for how strong they all were in the school year set during Deathly Hallows, when the Golden Trio wasn’t around to inspire and unite those who wanted to stand up to ever-increasing tyranny. It can be easy, unfortunately, for them to get written off based on the oversimplified stereotypes that have gotten associated with them. People remember Luna as being weird and spacey, Neville as awkward and hapless, and Ginny as bland and lovestruck. They’re all far more nuanced than that, and they accomplish great things while fighting for and beside their friends. I’m planning on doing a re-read of the books at some point, and I really look forward to revisiting these brave kids.

3. Irma, Marion, & Miranda (Picnic at Hanging Rock) - Ah, yes, my very recently discovered darlings. I have many thoughts about them all. I’ll try to keep this as condensed as I can while still making sense. Some spoilers will follow, although those won’t answer every question the story poses. There are audience members who ship the above characters as a throuple, which I totally get, but for me it’s like soulmates of a different kind. These three have met at a point in their lives when they all burn with compatible intensity. They long for the same dream version of youth, for a way to begin life free from the confines of a world that won’t accept all their hearts contain. While the people that surround them may not be willing to bend the rules, nature itself appears to show them mercy. How often do we see a story of girls who just... love other women so much that a sacred location goes, “Y’know what? I’m gonna help you escape your restrictive society. Permanently.” This miniseries definitely depicts the setting as being involved in messing with the investigation, as a mystical place that befuddles unwanted intruders. I love the way these three fortify each other in times of pain and fear, and there’s something deeply moving about how standing side-by-side helps them defy the odds.

4. Sarah, Alison, & Cosima (Orphan Black) - Okay so, technically, when I picture our core team in this show, the net is a little wider. My mind tends to also include Felix, Mrs. S., Kira, Helena, Donnie, Delphine, and Scott. However, I think you could kinda argue that those characters have a stronger connection to one of the above three than they do to the other two. Thus, this ends up being the central triangle. They’re all such solid performances and the fact they’re all played by the same person is incredibly impressive (not to mention the, like, twelve other clones Tatiana brings to life throughout the series). Watching them go from tense strangers to sestras was wonderful. I’m glad they had each other through the increasingly complicated web of lies and schemes they had to unravel and survive. 

5. Galavant, Sid, & Isabella (Galavant) - Remember how James Marsden was in Enchanted? If you dialed down the deliberately cartoonish quality of that performance and allowed for more not-so-G-rated humor, I feel like you’d have a general sense of what Galavant is like as a character. Sid is his squire and Isabella is a princess whose mission happens to combine with Galavant’s, albeit fueled by different driving motivations. They find themselves involved in a lot of shenanigans because of Galavant - even in his own universe, he’s into the whole dashing knight thing more than is strictly necessary - but they make a fun little team to follow through the world of this musical television series. I’ve gotten fuzzy on the details since I watched it air live four years ago, but I remember the series being enough of a summer feel-good time that I’d be game to revisit the show again someday.

Top 5 Family Relationships

1. Stevie Budd & The Roses (Schitt’s Creek) - The whole fish-out-of-water setup for this series was already pretty fun in and of itself, especially given how outlandish their lifestyles evidently were before the show begins. The thing that makes it special, though, is how the absence of all their expensive distractions finally helps them prioritize being a family. The Roses do a lot of work to reconcile who they were with who they find themselves becoming in the present. It’s sweet to see them collectively conclude that growing closer to each other is one of the few things they do not regret in the slightest. They also silently agree to adopt Stevie along the way and, boy, does that give me a lot of Big Feelings, particularly in the later seasons.

2. River Song & The Ponds (Doctor Who) - I think it’s been like seven years or so, give or take, since I watched Doctor Who with any regularity. These three have resurfaced in my mind many times since then. They all love with such fierce and unwavering devotion, spanning lifetimes. It’s fascinating - and often heartbreaking - to learn about the things they’ve experienced and endured. Oh gosh, and once the show reveals how River’s story overlaps with theirs, and you pay attention to how she looks at them, IT HURTS but it’s so engaging to watch. The emotions are all flooding back just remembering them now. Argh, what great characters... </3

3. The Tico Sisters (Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi) - Rose appears in two installments of the third trilogy, but this is the episode that has both Tico daughters. We never get to see them interact onscreen in the film, but I still feel the bond between these sisters so intensely. I found out later that Kelly was present for the filming of Paige’s death scene (which happens so early in the movie that it doesn’t feel like a big spoiler - please forgive me if it is). I’m glad that was something they decided to do behind-the-scenes, because it definitely informs Rose’s grief. She’s sitting in the dark, picturing her big sister’s final moments with such horribly vivid detail that it feels like she was there, and yet she can’t do anything to change how it ends. The shape of the sisters’ necklaces immediately establishes that they were a unit even when acting independently, that they felt like two halves of a whole - all they had left of their family. Now there is only one, and that fact is a weight around Rose’s neck both figuratively and literally. It serves as a visual reminder of how she carries Paige’s absence always, trying to discover and embrace who she is on her own while still honoring the memory of a relative she loved so deeply. I think she reaches the end of Episode VIII feeling like she’s someone of whom her sister would be quite proud. I’m very proud of her, too. 

4. The Tyler Siblings (Wonderfalls) - Jaye is comically different than the rest of her family, and the show establishes that right out the gate when we learn that she’s the only one whose name doesn’t rhyme with the rest (left to right, the others are Karen, Sharon, Darrin, and Aaron, respectively). Her relationships with her parents could certainly lead me off on some analytical tangents but, predictably, it’s the sibling stuff that interests me more. I think it could be said that all three do more living inside their heads than they do out in the world, and that they’ve all grown up to be borderline loners (Ironically Jaye, who is considered the most troubled, is the only one I remember being shown to have formed and maintained a friendship). Aaron’s a very philosophical and analytical person, so you get the sense he talks to himself more than to others, although he still manages to resurface from those deep contemplations so he can goad and tease his sisters from time to time. Sharon is high-strung, competitive, and brings that “disaster lesbian” energy to basically every social interaction she has. Jaye’s standoffishness seems to stem from both the difficulty of fitting in with people and the fear that connections will fall apart once they manage to form at all. They’re all just messes trying to make the best out of the situations they face, and I appreciate that. I also enjoy how prominently the Jaye and Sharon sister bond features throughout the show’s only season. It starts out on pretty rocky ground, but they grow a lot in regard to how willing they are to communicate and express their love for one another. 

5. The Brothers Proctor (Crazy Ex-Girlfriend) - The family dynamics in their house are in need of some serious work, without a doubt. I’m just really touched by how close these two have become without Paula’s notice. It’s possible they always were, in that we-fight-but-we-care way that siblings can often be, but the supportive side of that really moves to the forefront as they get older in the series and it warms my heart. There’s such a glaring difference between The Household As Paula Views It and Things That Are Happening While She’s Not Paying Attention. I can’t help using fic as a way to explore that. I happily find excuses for her sons to make pop-in appearances, just to check up on them. I'm so pleased that, as of Season 4, they seem to have become fairly well-adjusted in spite of everything. Oh, and I am still not over the revelation that they attend renaissance festivals together, in character, for fun. What precious cuties who would no doubt dislike me referring to them as such! Paula, please give them an extra hug from me! 

[madfantheyinablueblog]

Alrighty, so I was tagged by @causalityparadox so now I kinda have to do it. It’s a fandom-tumblr rite of passage in a way, to get tagged in one of these games!

Anywho (haha, get it?), let’s get a shift on!

Favourite Doctor: Honestly, a bit of a tie for me. For NuWho, definitely Twelve. He’s just such a perfectly rad space grandad trying his best to make his way through his mid-(lives) crisis. But more Classic/DWEU wise, definitely Eight. I really relate to him a lot (with my ADHD and absent-mindedness), and Paul McGann is just perfect in the role. He really did get shafted lmao

Favourite Master: Three words: ‘Say something nice’. Missy (especially in s8 and s9)!!! I love her to bits omg. Michelle Gomez is utter perfection in the role and her chemistry with Capaldi is incredible. Something I love about Missy is just how unpredictable she is. One second she’s helping you out whilst dabbing and the next, you’re a pile of ash on the ground because she got bored. She’s just so mad and so much fun!

Favourite Sonic: Definitely the ‘Dark Eyes’ sonic from the ‘Dark Eyes’, ‘Doom Coalition’, ‘Ravenous’, and ‘Stranded’ box sets with the Eighth Doctor. It’s just...soooo pretty and I’m hella bitter that there was never a toy release of it and the only way to get it is to drop 300 or so quid on a fancy replica.

Favourite Companion: Ugggh this is a hard one for me because I love so many of them!!! I’m just gonna list off all my favs. Barbara, Liz, Sarah Jane, Tegan, Peri, Ace, Sam, Fitz, Charley, C’rizz, Martha, Donna, Clara (in s8), Bill, Graham. There are different things that I love about all of them and it’s really hard for me to pick a definitive favourite.

Favourite Episode: Again, I really do have quite a few. And I’m gonna include some books and audios in here too because I’m a nerd. Edge of Destruction (TV), Inferno (TV), State of Decay (TV), Castrovalva (TV), Ghost Light(TV), Curse of Fenric (TV), Vampire Science (Book), Alien Bodies (Book), Seeing I (Book), The Scarlet Empress (Book), Unnatural History (Book), Interference - Books One and Two (Books), The Taking of Planet 5 (Book), Timwyrm: Revelation (Book), Nightshade (Book), Cold Fusion (Book), The Infinity Doctors (Book), The Chimes of Midnight (Audio), Neverland (Audio), Scherzo (Audio), The Natural History of Fear (Audio), Caerdroia (Audio), The Next Life (Audio), Absolution (Audio), Dalek (TV), Blink (TV) Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead (TV), Turn Left (TV), The Eleventh Hour (TV), The Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone (TV), The Impossible Astronaut/Day of the Moon (TV), The Doctor the Widow and the Wardrobe (TV), The Power of Three (TV), Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS (TV), Day of the Doctor (TV), Deep Breath (TV), Listen (TV), Dark Water/Death in Heaven (TV), Under the Lake/Before the Flood (TV), The Zygon Invasion/The Zygon Inversion (TV), World Enough and Time/The Doctor Falls (TV), The Woman Who Fell to Earth (TV), It Takes You Away (TV), Spyfall (TV), Nikola Tesla’s Night of Terror (TV), Fugitive of the Judoon (TV), Praxeus (TV), Can You Hear Me? (TV), The Timeless Children (TV).

Favourite Soundtrack: Hmm...probably the Doctor’s Theme (series 1-4), There’s A Man I Know (the Eighth Doctor’s theme), I Am The Doctor, A Good Man?, the entire musical score from Heaven Sent (especially ‘The Sheppard’s Boy’), Clara’s theme, Bill’s theme (come on Murray, please give us a release), Thirteen’s Theme (especially the series 12 variation of ‘Doctor, The Doctor’).

Dream Actor/Actress for the Next Doctor: I’ve got three tbh. Idris Elba, Jo Martin, Tilda Swinton. I’d also love to see an actor or actress of Asian or Hispanic descent.

Dream Composer: Probably John Williams. Maybe Hans Zimmer? Also Alan Silvestri, Blake Neely and Bear McCreary. They’re all really great composers.

Dream Story: I have two, honestly.

1. More Multi-Doctor stories!!! Gimmie some more lore filled episodes that canonise looms or the Infinity Doctor!

2. Another Eighth Doctor story on television. Give my boi some more screentime!

For this, I’m gonna tag: @ouidamforeman​, @thetransgirlwhoneverwas​, @tompkins-square-ditmas​, @therogueofblood​, @voidfishersong​, @6-and-7​​, @the-eighth-doctor​​, @elden-12, @floptopus​​, @liria10​​, @clockworkouroboros​​, @zagreuses-toast​, @zagreus-eats-your-bread​, and anyone else who would like to do it!