#the bears are allowed to find this post because this song made me feel things I didn’t know I was missing | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dearweirdme · 2 years ago

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so what are your genuine thoughts on jikook? because i feel like in order to be a taekooker you either have to be a jimin anti who believes he's getting in taekook's way or he's doing fan service with jungkook to hide taekook; which is dumb because how does hiding a gay couple with another gay couple do anything? it still breeds the same results in regards of putting a target on the artists’ backs (jk in this case cause he's supposed to hide, right?).

and then there's some tkkrs who just say jikook are good friends. but then how do you explain jimin giving jungkook a hickey? (i know they called it a bite but it's still fishy. drinking at night all alone, jk picking jimin up bridal style and spinning him around until jimin had to bite his neck to let go of him?? sus) and how do you explain jimin having the most screen time in jk's GCFs and getting GCFT all dedicated to him with a queer coded song? and GCF Saipan with queer coded lyrics on jimin's part twice? not to mention jungkook sucking and kissing jimin's ear on stage? jungkook using informal language with jimin but not with tae?

if all of the above can be waved off as friendship then that would make it that jungkook has pretty loose friendship boundaries, and that he'd do wayyy more sus stuff with his romantic/sexual partner, presumably taehyung. but here's the thing... taekook have never done something weirdly sus to that extent, ever.

Hi anon!

I sense, that you are a Jimin and Jk shipper, and that you are trying to test me (if I'm mistaken, I hereby apologize for assuming). I feel like you've made really narrow selection of 'ways to be a Taekooker'. I am not a Jimin hater (I love that man and I think he's a vital part of BTS, and a dear friend of both Jk and Tae), neither am I of the believe that everything Jk and Jimin do is fanservice. I suppose I would fall in the last possible option, I do believ Jimin and Jk are just close friends... and I feel I am able to explain my reasoning behind that pretty well.

Let me first point out a few things I feel vital to make people understand my reasoning. It makes a lot of difference if you look at this situation with the assumption that Jimin and Jk want people to know they are together and that their company lets them be bold about it, or if (like me) you think Tae and Jk don't want to be out and their company also doesn't allow them to be obvious. Let me elaborate a bit (it's what I do.. bear with me here). It's quite common knowledge that Idols in general arent allowed to (publicly) date, not even in a heterosexual way. I am pretty sure we can agree that the possibility of BTS members having dated in secret is quite real (we just haven't seen them, because they aren't allowed to do it publicly). I think we can also agree, that the likelyhood of the company allowing a queer relationship to go public is even less likely. So the likelyness of them allowing real footage of a real queer in-band-relationship, to me is nearly impossible.

The second thing I would like to point out is that we (both Taekookers and Jikookers) are basing a lot of our thoughts on edited footage. I recently made this post (which is vague as hell, but I think it conveys the message) .

Everything we see from official content has been edited and screened. It's stuff we are meant to see. Editing choices have been made. I find it way more likely for a company in SK to edit footage in a way that hides a queer relationship, than them making editing choices that highlights a queer relationship. That is just me following logical thinking. SK = queer not good + idols dating not good = no real footage of a queer in-band-couple.

So what do I feel about Jikook. Simply put, I feel it's fanservice combined with a real close friendship. You are right that covering up one queer relationship with another one wouldn't make much sense, but I feel they were attempting to level out the playingfield. Having more members act at a higly intimate level does make it easier for them to play the 'fanservice' card. Which is what neutral armies definitely do. Maybe they miscalculated the way Jk and Jimin's chemistry worked, because they do have that. They are very playfull and teasing. I can definitely see how that would make fans think something more is up. So now they have two huge ships both around Jk... and funnily enough... out of the three main players.. Jk is the least controversial one. You and I agree that Jk is most likely queer. I would even agree that Jimin is possibly queer. I think it very possible Jk, Tae and Jimin have this strong bond because not only are they close in age, but maybe they also have similar struggles. I am not mad at Jimin and Jk doing fanservice. Fanservice is part of their job. Tae knows that too, although he doesn't always like it. Jobs come with parts you like and parts you dislike. I think Jk and Jimin doing fanservice is close to how they naturally act, playfull, caring. I think Tae and Jk have been told to tone down the fanservice a lot, but when they do to me it looks like they both just melt into it.

That was me explaining my general thought on this matter. Lets get into the specifics you mentioned. I feel this won't go over well and people will be quick to just go defensive, but it is honestly how I see things. I do not mean to insult or argue... it's my honest interpretation of situations you've laid out for me.

So I have actually already adressed the bite and the earsucking. It's in this post and I still stand by my interpretations (although you will most likely disagree).

I would like to add, that if it's okay for Jikookers to use these moments... it's similarly okay for Taekookers to use Tae kissing Jk's ear, neck, and nape. Let's not be hypocrits. Drinking at night alone is not weird between friends. It happens so often.

Jk's GCF's are not romantic to me. None of them are, and several have romantic songs as background. I know Tokyo GFC is one of Jikook shippers main proofs, but point out the romance to me (like for real, because I genuinely do not see it. I can understand, if you were already a shipper or looking for a ship, this coming up will mean something. But I saw those clips before I became aware of shipping, and I only saw friendship. Troye Sivan himself said about that song that he saw it as being about his fans (platonic) and I am very much inclined to think that is what Jk meant to convey as well

(again, ofcourse you will disagree). I think it was two close friends on a trip. It was funny, cute, close, but not romantic. I also think it very unlikely that their company would allow Jk to publish anything romantic in origin. You can bet their contracts are full of image clauses and restrictions (the non-dating clause being an example).

Jimin having more screentime to me makes sense because aside from Tae, he and Jk were probably closest. I do not deny that they spent a lot of time together and that he is an important person to Jk. I think Tae and Jk were restricted in how much they were allowed to share of their bond. To me that makes sense in how I feel their company would deal with an in-band relationship.

If you search non-shipping conversations about BTS's use of informal language with each other (which I have done). You will find one thing everyone (Native Koreans included) mentions is that talking informally isn't a sign or indicater of a romantic bond. It is a sign of closeness between friends and siblings. While not everyone agrees on the specifics, it is generally believed that BTS amongst each other are more informal than when they are in function. Although they do in general stay at a middleground state of formalness. So they might slip up some times. The moments you refer to, are actually used as examples of members joking around.. as close friends. All members have slipped up by dropping honorifics or using banmal, although some more than others, the younger ones being more inclined to do so. In cases like this I like to look at neutrals point of view, because shippers are biased. (This is what my general view is, anyone with serious input feel free to add on or teach me).

if all of the above can be waved off as friendship then that would make it that jungkook has pretty loose friendship boundaries

Ah, this seems very judgemental to me. Does your faith and idea of Jk rely on your believe in Jikook this much? Him goofing around with a friend, who he is very close with, whom he has shared a large part of his life with, who he has lived with, isn't okay? Honestly the things you've described aren't actually that big a deal.

and that he'd do wayyy more sus stuff with his romantic/sexual partner, presumably taehyung. but here's the thing... taekook have never done something weirdly sus to that extent, ever.

Ah, anon... we haven't seen even ten percent of their lives. You can't say with certainty that Tae and Jk have never done anything sus. You are basing your opinions on the footage you have seen. And as I've stated before... I don't think it very likely that BigHit would allow footage with signs of any real relationships to get out.

What I see between Tae and Jk is a softness, it's in looks and subtle touches and the way they move around each other. It's vague as hell, and I cannot describe it much better, but that softness I do not see between Jimin and JK. I also see clear instances of especially Tae being jealous of Jimin at times, while I do not see that jealousy in Jimin when Tae and Jk interact. There are several moments I feel would not have happened if Jimin and Jk were a couple. I also feel Jk and Jimin do not fully engage as they often pull back and lean away.

#anon #taekook #here you go anon #i’m gonna go into hiding now #not really #but I won’t be posting blind hate

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instantartific · 1 year ago

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on that neon j 1010 family dynamic thing post tags- I THINK I WOULD GO CRAZY IF THEY WEREN'T ALSO SOLDIERS? I don't read a ton of fic but it's important to me that like. They're family in the way that being immediately willing to die for someone makes you family. 1010 are his """"sons"""" by technicality at best, because he LITERALLY made them to some degree- He has a ""father"" style role because if they need to be taught how to navigate the world in any kind of newfound awareness (if you do this) that's his job, or because he is directly responsible for their behavior by the public-

I dunno all of these things just live in my brain all the time rent free so like. The idea of boiling them down to any kind of nuclear or normal family doesn't even register- He calls them "Troops," and I can even see him in a more casual setting saying "Boys" (it is a boyband), but that dynamic of being soldiers in the same war (literal or metaphorical) and of being a team, or perhaps a powerful unit that functions at maximum capacity at all times because they need to HAVE that kind of potency in their dynamics to perform at 110%- that's so important to me

Listen to me I am going to grab and shake you around a bit (/positive) for a minute here hang on.

Bear with me as I dig up all the things I've said about this so far and this could be significantly more but I am dragging at least this up.

If they became sentient enough to question whether the things they sing about in their songs is something they've ever actually experienced, it makes sense that they'd look back at each other and question if what they have is that kind of "love." And of course, it isn't—they don't share the things they lie about in lyrics to make the fans swoon. And even if they tried, in application, it would feel... different from what they lie about even if the actions are the same. There's something missing in that that they aren't fully grasping and they assume it must be love. They don't love the Captain and they don't love each other because they don't want to seduce the Captain (it'd be violating so many things to even attempt that with someone that isn't their rank in the first place, if we bring the military aspect into this) and it feels... not the same to seduce each other. It doesn't work cleanly. They know there's something missing that they aren't grasping. Maybe they even look for this concept within each other and find there's something but it isn't quite that because all they know is pretend. ... If you asked them, they're certainly not siblings because they can't be, but they're also not lovers because they have something missing.

...

They're not siblings. But they have the concept of a brotherhood with each other and it's complicated but it's human. They became the people that they are now in relation to one another, in each other's gravity, they've been all intertwined since they began to conceive the concept of being unique.

The relationship they all have with their Captain is mutually straightforward—he commands, they obey, and he allows them room to relax and he actually tries to speak and bond with them—but with each other? Not so much.

So, sure. Let's call them... bandmates. Sailors. Soldiers. That's what their occupations are and their relationship to each other on paper, technically.

They may still have enough of the military aspect drilled into them that 'brothers in arms' feels comfortable despite the fact that they aren't at war anymore. They might shorten that to 'brothers,' in the sense they were if they were more of unit than a boyband.

At least that's a lot less difficult for them to say.

#sometimes i like it better if 1010 never call neon 'dad' because he's... he never can be their father. by definition. #he takes care of them but that's out of necessity. they work for him in a different way now but not much has changed. #they feel different for him now than they do the concept of just that man at war. #but even that is complicated.

#they can't call him j. #or neon. that's worse. #but captain is starting to feel too formal.

#where do you go from there?

#the relationship they all have with each other is so much more complicated than that. #they can't be siblings because they've never known what siblings are #and they can't be lovers because they've never known what love is outside of what they write for the fans and they don't do that.

#so. where do they go from here? #what else is there? #calling them family just feels like it isn't enough but I don't have a term for that and neither do they.

—

Continued under cut for space:

About the reason why they still call each other brothers, even if they don't remember anything of their former lives.

Because back then, even if it was programmed into them, they were brothers. They died for each other, they killed for each other, they lived for each other. They would spill blood for blood, trade life for life, if they could.

Now... they're. Different. They don't remember anything from back then, Neon made sure of that, but they still hold each other to that same regard, and it means something now that they're able to feel that bond they all have.

They're brothers now, not because they woke up together, but because they would still die for each other, still live for each other. They just don't cause harm, not anymore.

But they're able to say it to each other and mean it now.

#they arent /family/ they're BROTHERS.

#there's such a big difference in that and it drives me insane

#especially with the dynamics i write between each individual member with one another

#them actually having very close bonds with each other is so important okay

#dont let me get into zim and rin okay they are fucking tragic and i will not stop talking about it

—

Thinking about them naturally being able to form a different-but-similar bond with Neon, that he's their Captain but he also seems to fulfil other roles for them, too, so other titles also apply.

But them having complex relationships with one another is a concept that I love.

They're sailors. They protect each other. They kill for each other. They die for each other. They live for each other, even if they don't have to anymore and even if they're dispensable.

They have a hierarchy. They're all individuals outside of one another. They're all exactly the same. The only thing "unique" is a few colors and hairstyles, and that can change.

But they're also a... a boyband. Like, a BTS-esque boyband. A boyband that sings and dances and cannot stop talking about how sexy they and each other are, apparently.

—

Bonus funny thing that would also no longer be funny if you just assume they are only exactly like family and nothing else:

If they ever do QnA's, the number of questions they'd be asked that are outright laughable. Let alone some of the more questionable letters they might get. Imagine fandom antics but they can just send mail to the idols. Imagine if they're asked questions that make them have to troubleshoot through everything they are and are not allowed to say with each other and with Neon for good measure.

#i have something more to say on the subject but i shan't. i fear it will be too much.#but also consider. fucking HILARIOUS if applied right.#also.#i have been debating writing it out of iteog because i really only thought of them as family before.#my friend who introduced me to nsr loves family dynamics and decided they're family #which's cool! i can appreciate it #but now i like them being ~complex~ more than that so i may edit it out. we'll see

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yaralulu · 23 days ago

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IVE MISSED YOU !! I love doing these so much bc I get to just talk but with purpose. Thank you for putting these questions together <33

1. Who is your longest fandom friend?

The one and only @highlordofkrypton . We’ve been friends since the trenches days (elaingate). I’m so very grateful for having met her this year 😙🫶.

2. Who is your newest fandom friend?

I fear I made a hand full of friends a few months ago and nothing else. To be fair I’m not the type to just jump in people dms and try to be friends because I am actually very shy ( shocking ik).

3.What were the highlights of your year?

Lots of fun things happened this year!! Started a new year of uni with my bsf, made this acc and met so many lovely ppl, STARTED WRITING ?? Like I’m actually a writer now after spending so many years consuming fics. That’s probably the most bizarre thing to happen this year. Me from a year ago would lose her mind if she found out just how different our life/ we are today.

4. Do you have favourite artists in the fandom?

So many talented people in this fandom and just to name a few, @thrumbolt @copypastus @works-of-heart @rosesncarnations @geniemillies

5. Who is a mutual you think you reblog the most from?

@gwandas OG cassian hater in my eyes, never a bad take. I probably have everything she’s ever posted reblogged.

6.Do you have a memorable moment in the fandom that warms your heart?

Am I allowed to say elaingate bc I totally am. Despite all the drama, all the memes were so good and I had too much fun making dumb posts about tamberon.

And this is very random, but when the fated mates quiz got added on sjm’s website and everybody just ran to do it and shared their results. I’d only been on tumblr for like two months back then and that was the first time it hit me that I was actually apart of this community and just how much I loved it.

7. Is there a mutual you've always wanted to DM but were too shy to? hehe

I will admit nothing 🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️. ( but yes there’s many, many, mutuals Id love to DM and be friends with.)

8. In the last questionnaire, you mentioned you would be posting your favourite fic that you have written. Which is it?

Omgee your remembered 🤭. I think when I said that I was referring to a lucienweek fic I was working on which is End of Beginning.

9. Do you have a fic of yours that you love, but wished it got more attention?

Gonna be real, I don’t check my stats anymore. It’s just too detrimental to my sanity and I’m sensitive lol. I find it easier to write when the numbers and disappointment isn’t clouding my head. But I’ll promote my new fic ( Am I making you feel sick?) bc I’m very proud of it 😙.

10. Pick: Toxic yaoi or Old Man Yaoi?

TOXIC YAOI ALL THE WAY!!!

11. I forgot to ask: Did you want a Tamcien gift? Or did you have other ships in mind?

My main ship was tamcien! But I do enjoy other ships like tamsand/azris/nezriel.

12. Do you prefer an anthology gift (one shots) or a multichapter gift? (This has no bearing on your gift :3 l am just curious!)

I’m ngl I’ve always been more of a one shot reader and that’s very much bled into my writing. I mainly write one shots because it’s what I enjoy reading most. Reading multichapter fics takes a lot of investment from me and I’m not always looking for a whole convoluted plot-filled fic to read. I feel like I’m the odd one out when it comes to this bc ppl love 100k+ fics and that’s just never been me lol 😅. So to actually answer your question lol , I’d say a longer one shot or a short multi chapter fic but I’m gonna eat up wtv you write anyways trust and believe.

13. After all this time, do you still trust me to take you on an adventure with your gift? hihi

I literally trust you with my life. The suspense is killing I can’t wait 😫!!

14.What is your 'Tamcien song'?

Oh this is my favorite question to be asked. Lots of mitski song options but for me it’s “I Don’t Smoke”. This song fully spiraled my tamcien insanity back in february. I blame it for everything.

15. Aside from Tamlin and Lucien, who are your favourite characters in ACOTAR?

Nesta and eris !! Also azriel but we don’t talk about that.

16. Who do you think is underrated in ACOTAR?

Jurian, starter of the sassy men apocalypse 500 years ago 🙏.

17. Who do you wish had more development in ACOTAR?

I’d erase all of Feyre’s development and remake it from scratch. So many interesting ways her character could’ve gone but instead look at what we got lol.

18.Who is your LEAST favourite character in ACOTAR that you never wanna see again?

Cassian. Yes I dislike him more than rhys. Atleast rhys shows up serving something, cassian’s just plain dumb and annoying. #cassianhaterforlife

19. Who do you think is the real villain of ACOTAR?

sjm 👍

20. If you had to guess what your gift was, what do you think it is? (Ur gift is already set, so this also has no bearing! I thought it would be fun to see if you were on track!) We will come back to this in the coming days!!

Oh god I have no idea, I totally trust what you’re doing especially after reading your ficlets. I do have a feeling it’ll be something atleast a little smutty, maybe angsty. Solstice themed?? You’re gonna hurt my feelings that’s for sure. I have no clue further than that ( unless you wanna drop some hints since the gift is done 👀).

21. What is your least favourite trope?

Miscommunication. I get that’s it’s a common thing IRL but it irks me beyond belief when a huge plot problem could be solved by a literal conversation. Like just no. Also anything pregnancy/children related. No I don’t want to see my fav ship having kids and that’s me totally projecting my own shit what about it. It’s just not what I enjoy yk.

This was so much fun, thank you 😙💗!!

my queen @yaralulu :3 i have more questions for u! pls feel free to skip any if u don't wanna answer~ but i have #reasons skibidibap 2 ask these1!

Who is your longest fandom friend?

Who is your newest fandom friend?

What were the highlights of your year?

Do you have favourite artists in the fandom?

Who is a mutual you think you reblog the most from?

Do you have a memorable moment in the fandom that warms your heart?

Is there a mutual you've always wanted to DM but were too shy to? hehe

In the last questionnaire, you mentioned you would be posting your favourite fic that you have written. Which is it?

Do you have a fic of yours that you love, but wished it got more attention?

Pick: Toxic yaoi or Old Man Yaoi?

I forgot to ask: Did you want a Tamcien gift? Or did you have other ships in mind?

Do you prefer an anthology gift (one shots) or a multichapter gift? (This has no bearing on your gift :3 I am just curious!)

After all this time, do you still trust me to take you on an adventure with your gift? hihi

What is your 'Tamcien song'?

Aside from Tamlin and Lucien, who are your favourite characters in ACOTAR?

Who do you think is underrated in ACOTAR?

Who do you wish had more development in ACOTAR?

Who is your LEAST favourite character in ACOTAR that you never wanna see again?

Who do you think is the real villain of ACOTAR?

If you had to guess what your gift was, what do you think it is? (Ur gift is already set, so this also has no bearing! I thought it would be fun to see if you were on track!) We will come back to this in the coming days!!

What is your least favourite trope?

#I’ve missed you secret santa 🤭🤭#truly i love doing these #i hope u enjoy reading my answers lol #secret santa

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halotopicecream · 2 years ago

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𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐏𝐨𝐥𝐲!𝐀𝐭𝐳 𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

𝐅𝐭: Poly!Ateez x fem!reader

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fluff, crack

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: fluffy, polyamorous relationship, mention of insomnia

𝐇𝐚𝐥𝐨’𝐬 𝐅𝐀𝐐: and hereessssss… my first post on tumblr that I really put thought into! Hurray! I hope whoever reads this has a lovely day/night♡︎

In you morning you don’t even use an alarm… because Jongho will always do you the pleasure of belting whatever song comes to mind to wake you up

When you ask Mingi to grab something off of a high shelf for you, he looks down at you with those big puppy dog eyes and says “you need me?”🥺

Seonghwa took the title of blanket boyfriend because he was always the one to throw himself over you like one

He gets pouty when anyone else does it and takes his well earned position

Hongjoong had made it a habit to have his hand resting on your knee whenever he sits next to you

You, San and Wooyoung are the official protect Yeosang squad who protect his cuteness and faint when he does something hot

When Yunho catches you staring at his hands he shoves them in your face and pushes you face back and starts singing ‘how you like that’

San went through a vampire phase and to this day he still bites you for no reason

WHEN YOU’RE SAD JONGHO PUTS ON A TEDDY BEAR COSTUME AND LETS YOU CUDDLE HIM FOR HOWEVER LONG YOU WANT

You don’t know what to wear out? Easy, just ask Hongjoong he’s literally already sitting in your room

When you guys play hide and seek Yeosang always hides in your closet. You don’t know why but he always says it’s because it’s so messy no one will look there

But it’s really bc he likes the way you smell

Doesn’t matter what hair type you have, Seonghwa can AND WILL braid your hair

He’ll watch hour long tutorials if he has too

You spend so much time with Yunho when your allergies are acting up he things you gave him your allergies

You two even sneeze in sync… it’s weird

San’s that bf that will sit in a pool with you for hours just so he has an excuse to grab your bikinied ass in public saying he’s ‘holding onto you so you don’t drown’

YOU AND MINGI DO MORNING STRETCHES TOGETHER EVERY MORNING BEFORE THEY LEAVE FOR THE STUDIO🥺

Wooyoung has molded you into being his partner in crime and you cannot get out without him pouting

When Yeosang and Jongho find a book they think you’d like to read with them you all sit in your bed and read it together when you have time🥺

Yeosang blows out your birthday candles if you start taking to long

WHEN HONGJOONG STARTS FEELING POSSESSIVE HE SWITCHES YOU BODY WASH TO HIS SO YOU SMELL LIKE HIM AND ANYONE WHO’S NOT ONE OF YOUR BF’S WILL KNOW YOU’RE HIS

You and Mingi bought a pair of those magnetic rings so instead of holding hands in public you hold each other’s pinkie finger and let the rings stick to each

Yunho always asks for your opinion of his dance to a new choreo so he has always had an honest opinion

Someone once asked if Jongho was your body guard instead did your bf and now he takes great pride in that

You always walk arm in arm with him instead of hand in hand

When any of them are stressed you all get into a big cuddle pile and watch stupid comedy movies to lift their spirits

You and Seonghwa are the breakfast squad

Aka you’re the only ones allowed in the kitchen alone

Wooyoung bumps his hips into yours whenever you bend over so make you stumble, and if you actually fall he starts feeling bad and babies you the rest of the day

When you’re upset with him San will make his eyes go big and bring his voice up a few octaves to make you soft for him again and push his body against yours so you’ll give in and cuddle him

When you got out with Yungi, expect no one to approach you— not with these two mountains next to you

Instead of regular karaoke, you all have a competition to see who can sing the worst

And somehow Jongho always ends up winning

When Hongjoong first saw you he literally almost fell on his face from how pretty you were

And you choked on your yogurt when you first saw him because he was so freaking handsome

When you’re Insomnia decides it wants to rear it’s ugly head, Seonghwa is always there to lull you into a deep sleep and stays with you until you wake up

Wooyoung will do aegyo to make you pay attention to him, don’t think he won’t

You and Yeosang talk shit about anyone and everyone when you go out

Literally all you do is gossip with each other, people started thinking you were planning something when you’d suddenly stop when someone looked over at the two of you

Never go out alone with WooSan… you’ll always end up doing something stupid

And I say that bc the one time you did, you came back home with hair that was three different colors and a heart full of regret

SeongSang is your go two duo for when you wanna have a quiet night in and just watch dramas

Yunho is your literal therapist

He made a certificate and everything with the words ‘Y/n’s therapist’ written across it

Mingi is your ice cream buddy who will always be down to go out and buy ice cream with you whenever you want some

Jongho is your gummy bear, and he gets pouty whenever you give anyone else a nickname that has the word ‘gummy’ or ‘bear’ in them

When people first see you all out in public they think you’re a cult

When the talk of marriage pops up, they all start giving really bad arguments as to why you should take their last name

Seonghwa said because they last name Park just goes good with any name and when people think of play parks they’ll technically bde thinking of you (which was really disturbing)

Hongjoong said because Kim is really classy and it goes with your eyes (which almost made sense if he didn’t say the last part)

Yunho said because having his last name might make you taller (and out of spite you’re not taking his)

Yeosang said because K=Y and Y=you so you should take his (you never thought you’d hear something like that come out of his mouth)

San said because Choi rhymes with Boy and he was your favorite boy (which they all disagreed with and said it was them)

Mingi said because he asked very nicely (and it almost worked)

Wooyoung said because being a Jung made him the Ateez sexy guy and if you took his you could he sexy to (you were offended he didn’t think you were already sexy)

Jongho said because being a Choi made him and San good singers, so if you took his last name you could he a good singer too (you were very offended he didn’t think you were already going at singing)

After that, you just decided to keep your last name

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subspencer · 4 years ago

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Neighborly Favors

baby!spencer x fem!reader

based on this request from @spencergubler

spencer discovers what his neighbor does for a living, and she offers to give him a show EDIT: i realized after posting i switch from using third person/‘she’ to second person/‘you’ halfway through. my excuse is i was sleep deprived. hope you can overlook the error!

wc: 2.3k. cw: none

He's only ever seen his neighbor in passing, catching the flash of her coat as she enters her apartment while he's leaving his, or seeing the top of her head as she's walking by on the street when he looks down from his window. Most people don't take enough interest in their neighbors to care to get to know them, and normally Spencer wouldn't care either. Except this neighbor plays some pretty interesting music, which he can hear through the thin walls connecting their apartments.

He's not exactly sure what she's doing when she's playing her music loudly, but it doesn't sound like she's with anyone. And not that he's trying to invade her privacy, but he also doesn't hear anything happening that's remotely as sexual as what the music is. It kind of sounds like she's working out? He's not sure.

What little information he has on her only inspires his mind to think of her more often. To solve the mystery of his next-door neighbor, who comes home just as he's leaving for work, who he thinks always looks pretty despite never having seen her face.

Unfortunately, his sweet, innocent mind doesn't consider what most would think is the obvious answer. He has to find that out himself after he finally sees her, properly, in the hallway, trying to break into own apartment by picking the lock.

"Are you locked out?" He manages to speak calmly even though his mind is racing looking at her. She has on a short coat that stops just above her knees, and a pair of heels that look incredibly tall. All he he sees between are long, bare legs.

"Yeah.” She sighed, dropping the bobby pin she jammed into the lock. “Can I wait in yours until the maintenance guy comes?"

And he has no idea how he doesn't just pick up his feet and start running, but he actually lets her in, and now it's just the two of them sitting on his couch, multiple feet apart as they try to find conversation to fill the awkward silence.

"So... what do you do for work?"

"I'm a dancer."

"Oh... like ballet or-"

She looks at him like he's grown a second head and laughs, "I'm an exotic dancer."

"Oh."

He folds his hands in his lap and is suddenly extremely red. From the embarrassment of looking stupid in front of her, for one. And a bit because now he's thinking about her, in those exact high heels she has on, dancing in a dark room.

"These aren't the shoes I wear for that."

His head snaps up at her, terrified he’d said those thoughts out loud. He must not have realized he'd been staring down at her shoes for a moment too long, and that given her profession, she can tell when a guy's looking at her a certain way. Lucky for him, she finds his bashful innocence to be endearingly cute.

"They're a lot taller than this. I just wear these to get to and from work. You can see them sometime," she shrugs. Too coolly offering to show Spencer what she looks like when she dances.

He really doesn't know what to say, it probably should not have been what he ended up saying, "So the music from your place then?" He blinks at her, hands holding his knees so he has something to do with them. When she doesn't answer right away, he offers his signature frog smile, feeling incredibly awkward still.

"Sorry, didn't realize it was so loud." She looks genuinely apologetic, and it makes him feel bad for saying it like that.

"No, I mean- I mean is that like, the music that..." She knows what he's trying to ask, but it's just so much more fun watching him squirm trying to figure out how to word it in a tactful way. "Is that what you listen to at work?"

God, he's so cute, managing to find the most unassuming way to ask that. "It's what I dance to, at work, yes."

"Cool." He has no idea why he asked that. Or where to take the conversation from there. Now he's just sitting in that silence again, staring pointedly at his floor as he ignores the new mental image of her next door, kept apart from him by only a paper thin wall as she practices her routines in her living room.

Spencer's not a creepy guy, he's really not, but he feels like one when he's picturing his neighbor naked while she's sitting right next to him.

And who is she helping when she takes off her coat (because Spencer's apartment is eighty degrees)? Certainly not Spencer, who is half-expecting her to be wearing her uniform underneath. He's relieved when it's actually just a dress. And then he hates himself for thinking it wouldn't be.

She’s too sharp to not catch the look that flashed across his face as she took it off. Curious, excited. Maybe a little lustful. Nervous, for sure. But curious is what she was going to cling onto.

“Do you at least like some of the songs?” She said behind a devilish grin.

“I uh... I haven’t heard any of them, before-”

"What's your favorite?"

Spencer let out an airy chuckle, shrinking under the pressure that she wouldn't let up. He can't answer that question without incriminating himself a little bit. It was easier to laugh and brush it off like she was joking.

"Spencer, I know you have a favorite," she pressed, scooting a tad closer. Her chin rested on her hand, propped up by her elbow resting on her crossed-over knees. "If you tell me I might show you the routine."

The lump in his throat is visible as he swallows, Adam's apple bobbing up and down. He wipes his sweaty palms on his knees before suddenly you're grabbing them, calling his attention as you stand up in front of him.

"I was going to practice anyway. I'm working on a new routine." His eyes can't get wider as you pull him up from the sofa and drag one of his dining room chairs to the center of the living room. "Maybe you can tell me if it's good."

As you queue up the song on your phone, Spencer does the only thing his mind is capable of doing. To sit down and wait for what's coming. Music starts playing softly from your phone speakers, and you move to the light switch in his living room, gesturing to ask if it's alright as you hit the dimmer.

Even in the dim light, Spencer can see how beautiful you are. He can make out the features of your face if he trains his eyes hard enough, and that's exactly what he's doing. Trying to watch your face, even as you're sauntering towards him, hiking up the hem of your dress.

"You okay?" Your tone was playful and light, two things Spencer did not feel capable of being right now. He felt completely serious as you placed a hand loosely on his shoulder, dragging it along his body as you circled the back of his chair, across his back and bracing his neck. Cupping under his jaw so tenderly before letting go. It lit up each nerve ending that came across your path.

You were behind him again, sliding both your hands down the front of his chest with soft pressure, dragging them down as your lips came to ghost near his neck. Your face just barely touched his skin, grazing it in a feather-soft way that made him tickle.

Each cell in his body came to attention under your touch. His eyes almost drifted shut to succumb to the feeling, but then you stood in front of him, swaying your hips gently as you sunk down towards the floor, bracing your self with a hand on each of his knees

As you came up, your hands slid up his thighs, using him as a brace to bring your body closer to his, diving towards him with your chest to his face. You moved slow on the way up, giving him time to appreciate the cleavage revealed by the skimpy dress as you did.

His eyes were still locked on yours, cowering under the attention and to nervous to look anywhere else.

"I-I don't know what to do with my hands," he chuckles, blushing hard.

You hum, turning around and taking a seat on his lap, pushing your hips slowly back until they met his crotch. You gave him a soft grind before letting your back fall to his chest, wrapping one arm around his neck. Taking his free hand into your own, you placed it gently around your thigh before trailing it up your body, allowing him to push the hem of the dress further up as your hands travelled towards your chest. You let his fingers toy with the lace edge of your panties for a second before ghosting them over the swell of your chest, skimming just briefly and teasingly, before dropping his hand back to his side.

Lifting up from your hips, you suspended your body over his, rolling in slow motion just above his lap, barely making contact with his body as he watched you. Still using his chest to bear your weight with your arms hooked around his shoulders, able to crane your neck to the side and place soft kisses on the shell of his ear before sighing deeply into it.

On instinct, his hands fly up, gripping your waist and bringing you back down to him against his hard dick. Immediately, he dropped his hands, feeling suddenly rude for being so forward and demanding. Instead, he was rewarded with a gracious bounce of your ass against him, a few times before grinding deeply against him.

Just as a groan fell from his lips, your fingernails scraped against his shoulder, ducking under the collar of his shirt to feel the bare skin. His hips buck up in reaction, and he's quickly embarrassed again.

"It's okay," you coo, running your hand through his hair. He follows your fingers as they run through the strands, chasing after them, so you provide him with a gentle tug. He bites back a moan and you tug harder, determined to make it fall from his mouth.

He lets out a surprised gasp and his arm wraps over your waist, weighing you down so you couldn't move too far from him. You almost want to tease that clients are never allowed to touch the dancers like this, but you fear that then he might stop. So, you don't.

Just for his benefit, you give him a deep, exaggerated moan right in his ear as you roll against his dick, allowing your free hand to wrap over the arm gripping your waist so tightly. When he starts subtly shifting in his chair, you can feel him getting closer.

He starts rolling his hips in time with yours, pushing them into you as you shift yours back, pressing your bodies ever closer. His eyes flutter shut as he bunches up the fabric of your dress, knotting it in his hands as he tries to hold himself back.

You break another rule when you wrap your lips over his earlobe, sucking it softly into your warm mouth before releasing, "It's okay."

It's all the permission he needs, both of his arms now pinning you against him. He gasps as his hips jut up, staggered and out of rhythm, a few times before he lets out a strangled moan, spilling his release inside his trousers.

It was never your intention to let it get this far, but you're so glad it did when you see his face, covered in a light sheen of sweat and pupils blown with lust. His naturally plump, pink lips are red and swollen from biting down so hard. That slicked-back hairdo he had before is now tousled up from your fingers knotting through it. He looks nothing like that shy, innocent boy who opened his door to you just thirty minutes ago. He's something else entirely, panting for air as he comes down from his climax.

When his eyes open again, they still look at you as softly as they did before. With the same admiration, and maybe now a deeper level of want.

You've never been one to be at a loss of words, but you truly don't know what to say now that you've seen your very cute neighbor come undone under you. And that he looks at you so sweetly despite what's just transpired. You keep it light and playful just as before as you climb off of him, searching for your phone and purse while he excuses himself to the bathroom to clean up.

While he's gone, you hear the maintenance guy coming down the hall, and you have no reason to stay. Just as you go to leave, he comes back out, and he hides his disappointment poorly because you look like you're making a quick escape. But when you see him, your hand leaves the doorknob and you turn to say goodbye.

His long legs carry him across the length of the room quickly, stopping just short of you, and you notice just how tall he is as he towers over you. His eyes flicker between yours and your lips, wanting to kiss you, but unsure where the boundary lies.

You lean forward to kiss him, the gap between you narrowing and your eyes drifting closed.

"Can I take you out?" he stops you in your tracks. He starts panicking internally, taking your stunned silence as a rejection. "Like, on a date? Is that... is that okay?"

Then you finally lung forward, crashing your lips over his as you bring him down to you by his neck, pulling him closer. His mouth chases yours as you separate, and you leave a trail of sweet pecks over his lips and chin, smiling at him and nodding, "It's okay."

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twigg96 · 2 years ago

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I posted 2,084 times in 2022

That's 975 more posts than 2021!

118 posts created (6%)

1,966 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ghost-boy-wonder

@prismatic-bell

@wikdsushi-v2

@funnytwittertweets

@all-hail-the-water-god

I tagged 515 of my posts in 2022

#metalocalypse - 343 posts

#please check them out - 269 posts

#please follow them - 259 posts

#dethklok - 222 posts

#toki wartooth - 201 posts

#skwisgaar skwigelf - 181 posts

#pickles the drummer - 164 posts

#nathan explosion - 157 posts

#william murderface - 141 posts

#metalocalypse headcanon - 62 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#i remember when this band came out. i went to one of their concerts in pittsburgh and this was one of the songs that always stuck with me

My Top Posts in 2022:

how would the boys feel about an s/o who has a lot of stuff animals? like ones on their bed and around their room

Hello sweet Anon! Stuffies around the room you say?? 👀 yes I do believe the boys will enjoy this. Let’s begin!!

Nathan has never been a big fan of stuffed animals himself. He always thought they were too cute and “not brutal” enough unless it was one of those bears that was made to look brutal then he was ok with it. But for his partner. When they’re all snuggled up in the bed surrounded by their comfort stuffed animals, a few stuffed animals left to watch from various places around the room. He finds that the most adorable and heart warming thing in the entire world. And that was very Brutal.

Pickles has always been one for the occasional Stuffed Animal. Has he been known to hollow one out on occasion to make a bong out of it? Sure. But he still liked it. If his partner had a Horde of plushies he’d be absolutely thrilled with it. More cute things! How awesome could that be! His favorite thing to do would be to lay next to his S/O and hold up their plushies while he was high. Giving them various voices and making them dance before having them lay a gentle kiss on his partner’s face.

Skwisgaar likes his room to be perfect and clean. He has a vision for it. Stuffed animals were not exactly the vision he had for his room but slowly, as his partner starts bringing in their comfort stuffies he becomes accustomed. He even designates a place in his room just for his partner’s stuffed animals so that “they can always be safe and happy.”

Toki. This boy collects stuffed animals with his partner let’s be real. He would have complete lines of stuffed animals. Letting his partner pick out whatever ones they want every time they go to the toy store. The rest of the band is mildly concerned when stuffed animals start appearing throughout the haus and every time they try to move one Toki tells them not to move it because “Mr. Snugglesworth watches TV with us too!”

49 notes - Posted February 4, 2022

hi um 👉🏻👈🏻 you don’t have to do this one but i was thinking about it a little while ago, could we have some hc’s about how the boys would react to having a noisy s/o? noisy as in, moaning a lot while kissing and such

Ohhhh this is a spicy 🌶 one Anon 😈 yessss let’s goo!!

Shivers would run down Nathan’s spine every time he heard his partner moan at his mere touch. He loved that he could bring so much joy to the love of his life. His hands sliding down their sides, his lips on theirs, it all elicited sweet and sensual sounds of pleasure. Sounds that in Nathan’s mind was more intoxicating than any metal song or album he’d ever heard and that was saying a lot.

Pickles had less restraint when it came to stealing the sounds from his lover. He became very good at sneaking up behind his partner and hugging them tight from behind. He’d kiss their neck, slip his hands under their shirt, even try to slip a hand down his S/O’s pants if he was allowed. All so he could get a taste of that sweet nectary moaning.

Murderface was extremely shy about his partner’s moans at first. He had actually believed he hurt them the first time he heard it. When his partner explained that they were moans of pleasure not pain Murderface felt quite proud of himself. Any time after that moment that he was able to elicit them he was so proud that he ended up harder, moving faster or doing better just to prove to his partner that he loved them more than anything in the world.

Skwisgaar basked in his partner’s moans and much like Pickles would often do little things in public to try and steal some. He’d be more discreet than Pickles however. Asking his partner to walk with him to a “places dey cans be alones” he’d lock the door of whatever broom closet he found first and just ravish his S/O. He knew he wasn’t ever able to stop once he heard his partner moan so he just never did.

Toki was just as loud and whining as his partner was in this type of situation. The sounds drove both of them wild while also at the same time driving the rest of Mordhaus wild with sheer volume of their voices. Charles would end up creating an entire sound proof wing just for them.

56 notes - Posted February 23, 2022

if this hasn’t been done before i’d love to know how quick the boys say ‘i love you’ in a relationship

Hello my sweet Anon!! Awe I love you… such a sweet phrase. Let’s go find out shall we??

Nathan is such a big old romantic Dope. He absolutely is saying it absentmindedly at every turn in their relationship. The first time he said it was probably after his and his partner’s first date. They were out to dinner. His partner ordered a salad and Nathan felt that he needed to order something small too. His partner laughed telling him to order whatever he felt like. They didn’t care what he ate. They even ordered an appetizer and dessert for them to share. When their food all came Nathan ogled at the sheer amount of food. After successfully filling their bellies Nathan groaned and muttered something like “God you have great taste! I love you!” It was a slip. He blushed immediately and stammered to take it back. But his partner laughed kissing him gently. “I love you too you big dope.”

Pickles says it when he’s high all the time. His partner can never tell if he’s serious or not so they just go with it. It’s not until one dat he says it completely sober that they realize. He meant it all along.

Murderface doesn’t say he loves his partner for an obscene amount of time. He’s so scared of rejection that he refuses to say it out loud. Inside he’s screaming it repeatedly. He can’t get enough of his partner. One day however his partner is talking to him about history. It’s perfectly calm. Nothing prompted it but he just can’t hold it back anymore. “I love you.”

Toki says it in the first month of dating his partner. He wanted to say it in the first few moments after meeting them but Skwisgaar said Love was patient. One month seemed long enough. The first time he said it and he realized he meant it, was after he came home from one of his therapy appointments. He’d just had an episode with a quarter. His S/O had been there every step of the way. “I loves you.” He muttered. “More den anything in de woild.”

Skwisgaar didn’t believe in love when he first met his partner. The love everyone talked so highly about was a chemical imbalance. He could achieve the same feeling by sleeping with tons of people and doing drugs. He didn’t need it. That is until his partner started to learn guitar just to have that in common with him, sitting and learning astronomy for hours on end with him under the star lit sky, talked to him about all his problems and listened without judgment. It was on a date to a museum that he told his S/O he loved them. The way they lost themselves in the art really amazed him.

57 notes - Posted February 10, 2022

Hello! Can I leave a HC request? I'm wondering what it would be like to share a bed with the boys? Things like sleeping positions, how they cuddle their s/o, who snores/talks/hogs blankets or anything else you can think of. Thank you love!

Hello my sweet Anon! You absolutely may have a sleepy time Headcanon! I love these they’re so cute!! Let’s go!!

Nathan is 100% a bed hog. His natural sleeping position is flat on his back in the center of the bed. This is perfect if his partner wants to cuddle and snuggle every night all night. But this can be a real problem for his partner if they tend to sleep hot, roll around a lot in their sleep, or sleep better without touching anyone. If they talked to Nathan he’d begrudgingly scoot over for them. That doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t subconsciously scoot back over in the middle of the night but at least he’d try. Pushing him to his own side while he slept would be his partner’s only option for solitude at night. He’s a light sleeper though so really all they’d have to do is poke him and ask him to move politely. He’d grumble and growl but he wouldn’t even remember in the morning. His partner might also want to commit to some high quality sound canceling headphones as well Nathan snores extremely loudly. He’s not as bad as Murderface can be but his is consistent. He has been rumored to pull the curtains across the room with a single snore one night.

Pickles tosses and turns in his sleep. People often say it’s the drugs that he takes during the day that makes him have such a rough time sleeping especially because he has a proclivity to binge his stimulants for a long period of time during recording sessions. He passes out after the stimulants wear off but his restless legs, and body jerking is near uncontrollable. His partner may wake up with light bruising on their legs if they try and cuddle with him but on his good nights when he isn’t recording he is one of the best cuddlers in the game. Pickles doesn’t snore. He whines and makes little mouth noises as he sleeps. Sometimes as he dreams he’ll talk but only if it’s completely crazy and he was high before bed.

Murderface is in fact a cuddler… and he snores so loud. He is in fact dubbed the king of snoring in all of Mordhaus. He has broken a window with how loud he snores in the past and so Mordhaus staff had to place him in the basement to keep him from waking his other bandmates. He doesn’t snore all the time like Nathan does however. He snores mostly when he’s upset or sick. When he is extremely upset he forgoes the snoring entirely, talking in his sleep instead. He talks about his problems present, future and past. He apologizes to his mother most of all. He holds a lot of guilt when it comes to that. He feels responsible for her untimely passing. It’s best not to talk to him about his sleep talking episodes and that his partner allow him come to them first with any concerns.

Toki is a whiner on nights where he doesn’t have nightmares. He will whine and cuddle his partner nearly to death snuggling his head under their head trying subconsciously to get closer to them with everything he’s got. One time he woke up with his partner’s legs literally tangled around his own because he had needed the touch so badly. His nightmares haunt him though and often turn to night terrors. His entire body shakes, his legs kick, his arms lash out at his attackers and he screams at the top of his lungs. His partner has left the bed with many bruises before. He’s also very sneaky when it comes to morning sex. Because he’s up much earlier than the others he likes to sneak under the covers and wake his partner up with oral.

Skwisgaar on the opposite hand likes to have sex before falling asleep. It’s like a sleep aid for him. It helps his mind relax and his body find peace. Skwisgaar has horrible insomnia. He’s had it since he was a child. So doing his nightly routine is extremely important for him to fall asleep comfortably. Unfortunately there are times Skwisgaar just can’t sleep. It’s part of the beast. This happens mainly when he’s re-re-re-recording something for Nathan. Skwisgaar becomes anxious and agitated so he stays up for days trying to make it perfect. At the end of his binge however he literally just passes out wherever he ends up resting first. He could be in the most uncomfortable looking position, as long as it’s comfortable to him he’s out cold for the rest of the day.

63 notes - Posted March 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

i have another hc ask! how do u think the boys would impress their crush/s/o? like things they do around them/for them to show off or make them impressed? i love ur writing!!! ❤️❤️

Hello Anon!! AWEEE!!! Thank you so muchh!! <3 I love receiving asks it makes me so happy! How would the boys impress their crush? Hmmmm let’s see…

Nathan tried so hard to show off by proving what a big strong man he is. He’ll lift things that he really, really shouldn’t be lifting. He lifts the couch with people sitting on it. He even lifts or tries to lift a car. But he ends up throwing his back out and needs a massage. Which his partner is very happy to provide while giving a lesson on proper lifting techniques.

Pickles is like that kid in First Grade that can’t keep his body contained when he has a crush. He’s flinging his body all around just to try and get his crush/partner’s attention. If he were a kid he’d just do what he used to and fling himself into snow banks naked in the Wisconsin winter. But he’s not a kid anymore. So he goes harder. Jumping off of the balcony into the pool of a hotel. Doing so many drugs his eyes change colors. Drinking a long forgotten drink with cigarette butts left in it. He goes full “Jackass” whenever he can just to get a reaction out of his partner. But it’s this dynamic that always leaves his partner patching him up at the end of the night, shaking their head but never saying a word.

Murderface. This boi does whaat we all think he does. He plays bass. He plays it with his 👀 ya know. He is 100% whipping it out for his crush/partner and playing bass just for his partner every chance he has. The two of them even got in trouble once for public indecency.

Skwisgaar takes a similar approach and tries playing his guitar for his partner/crush figuring that it works for wooing everyone one else why not them? Unfortunately for Skwisgaar his partner wants something more from him. They’ve seen him play 1000 times. It’s not that he’s not talented he truly was. But they wanted to see a side of him that no one else ever saw. It took a while for him to realize this and he was rather frustrated and almost ready to give up. But one day. He just decided to tell his partner all about him. Not the show offy way he normally did. But I’m a vulnerable sweet way that truly impressed them letting them know. He truly cares.

Toki is kind of like Pickles in the retrospect of his body is on fire and he needs help putting it out if his partner isn’t paying attention to him at all times. Although instead of daredevil stunts Toki is constantly doing things for his partner kind things. Genuine things. He’s not good at handy work or anything but he’s great at gift giving. He’ll give the best gift in the world if his partner gives him that look just one more time. He loves to give massages and whisper sweet nothings into his partner’s ears. Praises are his specialty.

71 notes - Posted February 7, 2022

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#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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buckybarnesdiaries · 4 years ago

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otchet o missii

bucky barnes x reader. ⎢ masterlist.

part one ⸺ part two ⸺ bonus

request made by anon: Hi Maria you beautiful person you please be my friend 🥺 I kinda have a request but if it doesn't speak to you then you don't have to write it, could you write something where reader is an enhanced/ mutant (kinda like Wanda or Jean Grey so like crazy powerful and dangerous) and Bucky just will not let the government get near her because he knows they'll probably experiment on her to make her a weapon cause they're sus like that? It can be romantic or platonic no preference, if ya want, please and thanks sorry this was so long

word count: 1.165 words.

warnings/tags: none. dad!bucky being overprotective with his baby soldier.

author notes: re-posted because tumblr deleted it for no reason. none of my stories contain reader’s body descriptions to be inclusive.

Join the tag list here.

“Soldat, stoy”.

(Soldier, stop).

Your eyes widened. Your heart raced. The time froze. That command clicked something in your brain, producing the spheres of flames concentrated on your palms to dwindle till disappearing. You had just one second to look around you, before turning at the firm tone of voice behind your back. You found yourself in the middle of Times Square, surrounded by different security forces, aiming at you with large-caliber weapons. Above your head, two helicopters were setting up a perimeter. The chaos spread around the long avenue. You didn't have an idea of how you ended up there, but you were scared like never before.

Turning slowly, your eyes landed on a pair of pale blue orbs. You didn’t notice the other people as a backup. A feeling of safety invaded you when he tilted his head confused, narrowing his eyes, trying to understand how it was possible that you were there. But before you could take a step closer to him, a twinge followed by an electric cramp shook your body. The last thing you heard before blacking out was an I got you, and a cold arm wrapping your abdomen.

BUCKY'S POV

Avengers Compound

06:03 pm, New York

“How do you know it’s not a trap set by Hydra?” Steve asked, reclining himself on his seat at the meeting table next to the rest of the Avengers.

“Because I trust her”. Bucky didn’t doubt replying, although he couldn’t understand why, hearing Stark clicking his tongue as he rolled his eyes.

“James, you don’t know her”. Natasha sighed, referring to the fact that being assassins together years ago meant nothing.

“I trained her. She owes me loyalty”.

“What’s that? Some kind of Stockholm Syndrome patented by Hydra?” Clint scoffed incredulously.

“Tell us what you know about her, Bucky. What you remember”. The captain asked his long-life friend, leaning on the table with both forearms rested against the edge of it.

The soldier gulped, deeply breathing, nodding his chin with his eyes lost somewhere on the dark oak. He explained how Vasily Karpov knew about you. An orphan with no family, no history, and a power of telepathy that allowed you to control the four elements as you pleased. Water, fire, earth, and air. From nowhere, your body could produce flames and throw them anywhere. Exactly the same you could do with water and air. Earth was different. Only by using your hands you could wild it as you want; creating earthquakes or holes, move it. The heroes around Bucky were stupefied. You were a potential danger.

Then, he told them about your skills. Karpov made him stay awake after killing Tony’s parents to train her. You were just a kid. And soon, you were a soldier with an angelic face who could kill anyone just by blinking your eyes. To tell the truth, the Winter Soldier was everything you had in this life. You two worked together, hand-to-hand, for more than ten years until he disappeared. With him out of the game, Hydra continued experimenting with you to replace him. But they reached a point where you couldn't bear the pain, losing control completely.

“Let me talk with her, please”. Bucky begged, touring his eyes around the people there.

“It’s too dangerous”. Vision affirmed, taking a position close to Tony.

“She. Owes. Me. Loyalty”. He repeated almost hissing, pointing out every word with his silver forefinger poking the table.

“You have five minutes before the Government brings her to the Raft”. Rhodes sentenced, crossing his arms on his chest. “Five minutes”.

Escorted by Steve and Wanda, who was the only one there that could control you, Bucky went down to the third sublevel. When the soporific made its effect and knocked you out in the middle of Manhattan, the Avengers managed to take you to their compound.

You were still stoned, but conscious enough to know what was happening around you. Everything spun inside the bunker. Your head hurt like hell and you felt a knot within the pit of your stomach that made you want to puke your guts. As the heavy door proffered a loud noise being opened you retreated to the farthest corner, placing your knees to your chest and wrapping your legs with both arms. Again, you were shaking. Terrified. About to beg for your life.

“Soldat, otchet o missii”.

(Soldier, mission report).

Your breathing became erratic as if the air wasn't enough to fill your lungs. You were at the edge of your crying, raising your hidden face from the gap of your knees. The Winter Soldier was standing some feet away from you. No expression on his face, as always, but with the small difference of a slight inkling of concern. He also looked skinnier, shorter hair, a grown beard. He looked healthier, free.

“Net zadaniya”. You whispered with a broken tone.

(No assignment).

“Soldat, otchet o missii”. He repeated taking a step ahead, hardening his voice.

(Soldier, mission report).

The command made you gulp a sob. Wasn’t he believing you? How could you lie to him?

“Net zadaniya”. You replied with no hesitation, standing on your bare feet and sticking your back to the wall. “Missiya ne naznachena”.

(No assignment. No mission assigned).

You noticed he wanted to turn to his partners, but he didn't. The soldier kept eye contact, coming a little more closer, invading your personal space without caring. He tilted his head forward, trying to find the answers to his questions in your orbs. But they both were emptied with the sole exception of the horror invading your chest and reflected on them. You didn't want to come back. You wanted to be released from Hydra's chain. You weren't an assassin, nor a monster.

“I wa… I was looking for… you”. Babbling, you confessed, being the explanation for why your mind took you to that place in concrete.

“Why?”

“Because you are the only person I have”.

His eyelids narrowed for a second, scanning your intentions, feeling frustrated by not finding anything hidden beneath your words. “Otchet o missii, soldat”.

(Mission report, soldier).

“Net zadaniya, Sergeant Barnes”.

(No assignment).

It was the first time you pronounced part of his real name since you met him many years ago and you could listen to his heartbeat increasing. Before you blinked, his metallic hand grabbed your throat and pinned you against the wall, watching the fury and the rage taking control over his grimace. Glancing above his shoulder, a redhead woman stopped the blonde man known as Captain America. Your gaze focused again on the soldier, loosening slowly the grip on your skin.

“Why don't you remember me?”

The last thing you knew about him was that the man behind him brought back the memories of his past life. His real life. But he was still looking at you with hate and revulsion. Of course, the Winter Soldier was conscious of who you were. What he had forgotten was how he felt about you. He didn't reply to your question, walking backward to the exit, leaving you there. Alone. Again.

feedback is appreciated, please, leave a comment to let me know if you liked it and/or reblog it.

author notes: what do you think about, after the two parts explaining the story, continuing it to explore the evolution of their relationship? do you like the idea? lemme know in a comment or send me an ask!

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#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x female reader #james bucky barnes x reader #james bucky barnes imagine #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan x you #bucky barnes #the winter soldier x reader #the avengers x reader

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stardiveatnight · 2 years ago

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young royals season 2

So. I am one day late but I finally had the time to watch season 2 and i obviously, OBVIOUSLY binge watched it in one go.

Allow me to yell for a little bit because what the actual fuck. WHAT THE FUCK.

I have so many thoughts and I am desperately trying to write them down in a coherent way but I might struggle so bear with me (I am still shaking).

First of all, oh hell am I glad that this ending perfectly set us up for another season. PLEASE NETFLIX. I am begging.

The soundtrack. THE SOUNDTRACK. I absolutely adored s1's soundtrack and I love that they reused some of the songs, and all the new ones they added (The Most Beautiful Boy playing in that last scene was another level of painful)

I finished watching, like, five minutes ago and just screamed into my pillow and then paced through my living room – right now I can't think of anything precise that I disliked about this season and even if I could, this is not that kind of post and I just wanna be happy for a little bit, so here we go, everything I loved after my first watch of season two:

Nils. The way he just nonchalantly came out to Wille – I really hope my neighbors didn't hear the strange squeal I let out when that happened. I and others in the fandom obviously wondered if he might be queer but it actually happening, and so early on in the season... I still dislike his classism and the way he talks about Simon and generally everyone who is middle to lower class, but I so very much enjoyed his and Wille's bonding moments/talks and I think they were so important

Now yes, Vincent did annoy the shit out of me (but in an enjoyable way) but I loved that he got more screen time, too. In general, I love how they fleshed out so many side characters and gave them their own little story lines, not too much that it would be distracting, but just enough. I think the second season is always the best time to start doing so as it would have probably made the first season feel too crowded. But yeah. I very much enjoyed Vincent's tiny villain arc

Stella!! Oh my god!! I immediately knew she was the one who gave Fredrika the letter. If there's a season 3 I hope we get a little bit of her finding a partner or even getting together with Fredrika, that would be so wonderful :((

Also queer Rosh confirmed omg. I was so hoping for this and then it happened and I couldn't be happier. And I also like that it was just mentioned on the side like her just like Simon being confident in her sexuality and uuugggh

Just generally speaking Ayub and Rosh being the best and cutest friends omg when Ayub and Simon facetimed and turned their lights of at the same time I melted a little bit

I know I mentioned it already but the soundtrack. Dear god the soundtrack. Currently listening to The Most Beautiful Boy on repeat as I am writing this and I'm feeling all the emotions aaaaall of them

I know everyone on here was dreading a possible love triangle between Wille, Simon and Marcus (I'm pretty sure they spelled him with a k in the show didn't they?) but I surprisingly didn't mind it. I really like Marcus, even though he was an ass to Simon in the end (not trying to excuse it, but to be fair, Simon treated him quite poorly, too) and to me it also didn't feel forced. People who have a hard time with a break up often try to rebound with other people, and I like that they made it very clear from the beginning on that that was all that it was to Simon. A rebound. I like that more than character A being in love with two love interests and the entire time it's just about who he's going to choose in the end. And as I said, I really like Marcus and he kinda deserved better

I loved all the throwbacks at season 1, all the symbolism (like the snow globe), similar settings/different vibes. Things that were set up in season one that were important now (like with Micke's pills). When Wille closed the curtains I had to giggle a bit. This show is written and produced with so much care and thought behind it it's unbelievable. Also I'm always a sucker for the reoccurring clothes aaargh

When Marcus asked if the fish had names and Simon said no

Yes I'm taking my time to talk about Wille and Simon let me collect my thoughts

Overall I think they worked the plot out quite well. Like, there were some of things that happened that people theorized about potentially happening before but I think it all worked out so well. August as the next in line to be crown prince, Sara and August getting together, Wille coming out in front of the school and all of Sweden kind of? But to me it was perfect

I was so happy to see Alexander back. I felt so bad for him, and even though what he did in the end was really shitty, I kinda get it – his whole character was always about desperately trying to belong and the others using him for his willingness to please them. And obviously he was super hurt. Still when that whole scene played out between August, Alexander and Wille I just wanted to scream

Sara and August bizarrely made sense. Like, I know their relationship was set up in season one already, but I was kind of dreading it. Still, even though I was mad at both of them but especially August, their scenes were so cute and I was secretly rooting for them, or more like hoping for some miracle to happen so everyone could just be happy without anyone having to be the bad guy. But I'm still glad they broke up in the end

Though I was a little sad that Felice had less of a storyline this season, I loved how she was there for Wille and I especially loved how she stuck by him and Simon in the end. She is so loyal I love it

This is just a minor thing but I enjoyed seeing Wille with the other boys and them just being friends, like when they showed up at the party? It's kinda nice

Okay. Okay, now let's talk about Wille and Simon. At first I was a little scared it was going to turn into a draining back and forth, on and off thing, but they solved it so wonderfully. When they first met at the party I was sweating so much. So much emotion in their eyes every time they look at each other, every touch, every kiss, it was like I could feel all of it. The way Simon was so tense every time Marcus kissed him and how he relaxed, smiled and melted into the kiss when he and Wille kissed at the ball? – m a g n i f i c e n t

Their hookup?? Oh my god??? the way Wille lifted him up on the table? I was so surprised and ???

I'm so glad they addressed Wille's anxiety (and anger issues?) like yes my boy needs therapy. I loved those talks he had with the counselor. And the way his communication with Simon and everyone else improved throughout the season – his GROWTH, so well done!! And you could tell that Simon was so much more receptive to what Wille had to say once he actually 1: learned how to say sorry and 2: improved his way of communicating his own feelings. This was so so so important, generally speaking and for Wille, too. Otherwise their relationship would never work out

Okay so when they first introduced the shooting range as a setting I jokingly guessed that someone was gonna get threatened with a gun but when it actually happened I was so shocked. But that scene!! I'm a little surprised the others weren't more alarmed when Wille threatened August with a. literal. gun, but that whole scene – broke my heart into a million pieces. The hurt on Simon's face when he found out about Sara, the betrayal, I could actually feel the pain in my chest

Just. God. Simon deserves so much better. It's so fucked up that he couldn't get the closure he might have needed concerning the video, I was so proud of him for deciding to go to the police and then doubling down when Wille told him that not going would be the only way for them to be together (also, can we talk about how wonderful of a plotline that was but also, jesus, I don't even wanna imagine being in that situation. And I love that Wille told Simon to do what's best for him and wasn't mad that he wanted to go to the police anyway. The way they're all maturing–)

I still love the way they never make a big deal of Sara's neurodivergency but still incorporate it into dialogue and plot in such a natural way

Speaking of natural!! Felice's hair!! She's so gorgeous and seeing her grow more comfortable with who she is and not trying to be like everyone else because that's what people expect was so comforting to see

When Wille asked his mother why she couldn't just be his mother for once

The flashback scene with Erik

Simon's solo

Malin

Everyone's acting

Simon getting to write his own song

Linda

Wille breaking the fourth wall

That ending. I don't think I will ever get over it. I felt like I knew where it was going, and then I wasn't, and then I was, and then I was just screaming. Like I genuinely cannot believe Wille did that. And to see Simon so relieved and happy and god maybe, maybe they finally get to be happy. At least for a little bit. Please let them be happy–

Wille spitting on the ground in front of August

There is so much more but this is so long already. But I think I couldn't be happier. I tried not to have any expectation because even though I know the writers are insanely talented, but I think I've been disappointed by second seasons too many times to go into another one without any worries. And I'm just so happy. In my opinion, this was pretty much a perfect continuation of everything they set up in season one

#young royals #young royals season 2 #yr #young royals s2 #yr s2

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therealvinelle · 4 years ago

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Hi, love your metas and your fic. I think you mentioned somwhere that at the end of BD Aro was trying to prevent the fight. What were his motives? According to Edward, the Volturi are cowards, but I didn't get this feeling. Caius was begging for a battle, the guard vocally proclaimed willingness to die for the cause... hell, Jane had to be restrained from running to Bella and punching her in the throat. And I find it unlikely that their leader is less brave than them. Explain Aro's brain pls

Thank you so much! That’s really nice of you to say. And sorry for the late answer.

And explain Aro’s brain, whew. That is a very big question with a very long answer and this post will be a manifesto by the time I’m done. But you wanted Aro’s brain explained so manifesto it is.

So, before we go anywhere I have to make the distinction between Aro of the books and Aro of the movies. Those two are different people.

Starting with appearance, because casting does a lot for me and if a big deviation is made it better be like Ruth Wilson as Marisa Coulter, which is to say it better fit the character. Also, disclaimer, I think most of Twilight was miscast, and especially the Volturi. I’m forever dying at Caius looking like Lucius Malfoy. However, this is an Aro post, so we’re highlighting Aro.

Aro of the books is a twenty-something Greek with skin that has petrified and eyes covered in a milky sort of film, which totals to him looking perfect, as all vampires do, yet frail. When he walks it looks like he’s gliding. This is an otherworldly, ancient, inhuman being. He’s energetic and excitable, yes, but if anything that should add to how very other he is. Casting Michael Sheen is a clear signal that the movies were going in a completely different direction with Aro. Sheen is a great actor who played what he was given perfectly, but what he was given was a very different character.

In New Moon the book, Aro first rejects Edward request because this is Carlisle’s gifted son, and more, this is not what the Volturi do. They are not hitmen. It’s just a big no all around.

Bella enters, and the Aro she meets is a very polite and gracious man who’s delighted to see the human still alive, and pleased Carlisle’s son won’t be suicidal anymore. However, Edward fully intended to step into the sunlight in the middle of Volterra, specifically to provoke the Volturi, and he has broken the law with Bella. Further, Edward makes it clear that he fully intends to walk out of Volterra with his human still human, and that she’ll die of old age if he gets his way. Edward’s contempt of the law could not be more clear. However, Alice shows Aro that Bella’s fate is sealed, she turns or she dies. The law will be upheld. Aro is glad to hear it, and lets the Cullens all go home.

All in all, it’s a very tense occasion where Edward has put Aro in a difficult position, because he’s trying to force him to kill his best friend’s son, and Aro goes “YES THANK GOD” when Alice finally gives him an out.

New Moon of the movies was not this. Starting with the flashback (because I’m being thorough), Aro executes a lowly criminal himself. I object to that, I think that’s a menial task and Aro doing it himself made the Volturi look less regal, not more. Cut to the present day, Aro rejects Edward’s request because he doesn’t want to waste his gift. We get the whole meeting with Bella, and Aro… well I don’t know why he does any of the things he does. This guy never mentions his friendship to Carlisle, tries to kill our plucky heroes three times in the space of one minute (one, gives Felix the order to kill Bella, stopped by Edward. Two, moves to decapitate Edward, stopped by Bella. Three, he’s about to eat Bella, stopped by Alice), and when he lets them go it feels terribly convenient.

This was a guy written to be the villain of the series, and it showed.

Cut to Breaking Dawn part I’s ending scene, and while I love the song choice for the scene, and fully agree that Aro considers misspelling Carlisle’s name to be a capital offense, the scene itself… we are presented with a villainous, power-hungry megalomaniac who’s just waiting to strike against the Cullens.

We then get Breaking Dawn part II, and I haven’t seen that movie in years but I remember the fight scene well enough. Aro kills Carlisle with the biggest grin on his face, and gives the go-ahead to his Volturi to kill the surviving Cullens and their witnesses.

Contrast that with canon, where Aro’s first words to Carlisle are «Nothing would make me happier than preserving your life today». Now, he’s making it very clear that this meeting will most likely end with Carlisle’s death, but he’s not happy about it. He’s certainly not going to kill him with a smile on his face and laughter in his heart.

The movies needed a hammy villain, and that’s what Michael Sheen played. It is not who Aro is, at all. And he’s not the only character this happened to, but again, this is an Aro post so I’m not going to start raging like Don Corleone about what they did to my boys.

So, with the movies firmly expelled from the post, let’s look at the Twilight series from Aro’s point of view.

Or, rather, we’ll have to start earlier because Aro’s decisions throughout the series are pretty clearly motivated by Carlisle. And that means considering, “why is Carlisle so important, anyway?”

Consider these things: one, Aro is gifted with the power of knowing every single thought a person has ever had. He knows your soul. Two, Aro is the leader of the supernatural world, he has been for over a thousand years.

How many friends does a person with that power and in that position have?

Three, who does Aro even come into contact with?

Starting with number three, for Aro it’s going to be 1) criminals, 2) Volturi guard hopefuls, 3) Weirdos like Laurent who are wasting Aro’s time.

(“But what about the guard!” Well, while we observe close interpersonal relationships between Aro and Jane, and Aro and Renata, and one can assume Corin to be close to the wives, the distinction between Volturi coven and Volturi guard remains. The guards are servants, in some cases beloved servants, but servants nonetheless. It would be inappropriate and weird for Aro to start slumming it with Demetri and Felix)

So, Aro doesn’t get out much, which brings us to point two. The people he does meet, and who are willing to entertain a friendship with the Volturi leader, are going to be people who want something. And that might work for some rulers, Louis XIV built Versailles specifically to make his subjects do this for him, but he had something to gain politically from that. Aro does not, his power is supreme without a need to tolerate brown nosers. More, with his own and Marcus’ gifts, he’ll know right away that he’s being used for power. He would get nothing out of it.

Finally point one, Aro’s gift. Say that we have a vampire who’s not a weirdo and who thinks Aro’s a cool dude. Well, the question now is, who would ever want a person in their life who knows all there is to know about them? I wouldn't want anybody to know every thought I've ever had, I certainly would never seek out a person to know me that deeply when I could just go find normal people to be friends with instead. Not to mention how incredibly unequal such a friendship would be.

In short, I don’t think Aro has any friends.

Enter Carlisle a very amiable person who cherishes Aro for his personality, and doesn’t mind having his mind read. Aro just found a unicorn. Carlisle on his end likes Aro so much that he lives with him for decades. Even if you want to read their relationship as platonic, that’s still a very strong friendship.

Point being that Carlisle is unbelievably precious to Aro, and so very unique. Aro has lived for over three millennia, and never met anyone like this before. There won’t be another Carlisle.

This in turn makes him willing to stretch as far as he can to preserve that friendship and, as the plot thickens, keep Carlisle alive.

Fast forwards to 2006, and Aro is sitting in Volterra minding his own business when Carlisle’s son walks into town demanding his own execution. He has not committed any crimes. Not only is assisted suicide not something the Volturi even do, but this would ruin Aro’s friendship with Carlisle. Even if Carlisle was miraculously understanding of Aro killing his son (which I can’t imagine he would be), this would never leave the air between them. Carlisle could never be around him again after something like that.

So, Aro turns down Edward’s request. “Stupid Volturi man ruining my dramatic suicide, I’ll show him who’s boss!” Edward replies, and runs shirtless into the sunlight. I’m sure Aro was just dying, you had “The Sound of Silence” playing as he stared into nothingness because how is this happening to him. A whiplash of an hour later, Bella is alive again, Aro is happy, we can be done with this now, right? Right?!

No, Edward says, we cannot be done with this. He’s still refusing to turn Bella.

And so we get that whole New Moon exchange where Aro very tellingly shoves the part where Edward WALKED INTO THE SUNLIGHT IN VOLTERRA under the carpet and out of the conversation (for comparison: Irina is executed for false testimony and Bree for breaking a law she didn’t know existed), and he even allows Bella to leave human when he could easily have bitten her himself to keep the Cullens honest. This guy went out of his way to be lenient and show the Cullens good faith.

And then a few months later Irina walks into Volterra, bearing memories of what is unmistakably a Cullen immortal child.

Aro may care for Carlisle, but this is the guy who killed his baby sister so he’d still have Marcus’ gift. He will bend far, very far, for those he cares about, but he will not break. It’s duty above love, Volturi above Aro’s personal preferences. An immortal child is not an offense that can be tolerated, and so it’ll be Didyme 2: Aro Kills Someone He Loves Boogaloo.

By now I think it should be quite clear why I think Aro was trying to prevent the fight. Battle would have meant Carlisle’s certain death.

(And that’s even assuming the Volturi won the fight. With Bella there, there was a chance the Volturi wouldn’t prevail. But even before Bella started showing off, Aro was very much hoping this wouldn’t be another Didyme situation.)

#aro #volturi #carlisle cullen #twilight #twilight meta #twilight renaissance #the sad thing is that i have so much more to say about Aro #this is only the first of many posts #Anonymous #ask #i guess i also have to tag #aro/carlisle #sorry guys my terrible ship is leaking into my metas #but damnit IT'S A GOOD SHIP #long post

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mirkwoodshewolf · 3 years ago

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TCATC Chap. 32; The story of Cain the Wrathful

*Author’s note*

Okay folks this is the last update I will have for this story for awhile, you all are FINALLY caught up. Now I’m thinking of at least 2-3 more chapters after this and a couple of separate oneshots that I will just post under each character that’ll be important (you can choose to read those oneshots or not, I won’t force you) before I finally start posting up what I’ve started on the LOTR sequel.

ALSO PLEASE WATCH THE VIDEO DOWN BELOW BECAUSE THE SONG REALLY FITS WITH IT!!! Esp. with Cain’s story that he will share with Hela. So until next time my dears, enjoy this chapter.

Warnings: angst, some fluff, more angst, character deaths, body part missing, more angst and a dash bit of fluff. This chapter is pretty heavy ya’ll so just bear with me.

NEXT CHAPTER

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@ixchel-9275

@waddles03

@psychosupernatural

@queensdivas

@queen-paladin

@peter-parkers-cullen-nerd

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

__________________________________________________________

*Cain’s POV*

I felt the warmth of the sun disappear from my skin which gave me a sign that nightfall was not far behind and I still have yet to find Hela. I know I could’ve used my enhanced hearing to find her by following her heartbeat but I’ve already lied to her once, I don’t want to scare her away for good in her knowing how exactly I found her.

The sound of wings flapping soon came over me and I could smell the scent of earth from the Misty Mountains and dried blood aroused my nose. Icarus had found me. I turned towards him and asked.

“Have you found her?” he let out a few trills and his wing extended outward to his right. “Lead me to her Icarus.” He walked closer to me and I felt his body lower down in front of me allowing me to mount on top of him as he took off flying.

I heard the sounds of the river creek just below us as Icarus flew downward, flapping his wings accordingly before he landed safely on the ground. It was then Hela’s heartbeat rang fast yet would skip a couple of beats, like when you splint a wood when hammering a nail into it.

There was no need to have Druig’s ability to read minds for me to tell how Hela was feeling, even her voice alone earlier today spoke of betrayal, heartbreak, shock, confusion, and anger. Slowly I approached her, the sound of the water growing louder with each step I took closer to her.

“Hela.” I spoke her name. I heard the fabric of her clothes adjusting as she was probably huddling herself closer trying to become invisible (even though that wasn’t possible). “Hela we have to talk.” I told her softly.

*My POV*

Talk? Talk about what? All this time, all these years…..these past two Ages I’ve walked Middle Earth, another Celestial existed and he did nothing to help me or our brothers and sisters.

“All this time. You’ve been here. Hiding in the shadows while our kin—” I trailed off harshly wiping away my tears. “Another Celestial has been alive all this time. How am I supposed to process this?”

“Hela…..” I turned to face him, rage boiling within me as I snapped.

“No! You abandoned us! Abandoned your kin! How could you ever live with yourself with all this. And you knew I was out there suffering! Alone! Living with the guilt of not being able to revive my family from the Deviant’s sting. Living with the sorrow of seeing their stoned bodies every day for this whole Age. Living with—living with loneliness. At the fact that you made me believe to be the last of my kind.” I rambled on in pure rage before trailing off and finishing off brokenly.

I couldn’t look him at his blindfolded gaze any longer. I turned and sniffled as I tried to stop the tears from falling but I couldn’t stop them.

“Not a day goes by where I don’t think that. Knowing that I was forced to never have contact with you or any of our fallen kin.”

“Forced? Wait-what? What do you mean forced?” he didn’t speak a word as he reached up and took off his shirt and from the light of the full moon I saw just above his heart the Mark of a Betrayer.

In our kin; if one commits an act so heinous or vile of our laws, they are marked with a symbol just above the heart in the shape of what would look like an X. However it was more broad, like a star put sideways with one point going down longer than the rest of the other three points.

“That was curtesy of our sister Thena.” He didn’t speak her name with any bitterness as he put his shirt back on. “The reason you could not know of me, was because I was already marked as a Traitor amongst our Kin. And as such…..”

“No Celestial could speak your name. Unless in a curse.” I finished softly. He nodded softly but grimly as he walked up and sat down by the lake.

“If I didn’t do what I did, I would’ve given anything to stay with you. To have gotten to know you, along with Druig, Makkari and Sprite.” I looked down nervously picking at my nails debating whether or not I should even continue to speak with him.

But Galadriel’s words came back into my head. How I deserved to know who he was. And as I’ve learned in the world of Men, there are two sides to the story.

I walked over to him and sat down beside him, a deep frown was on his face and his jaw clenched with regret. And if I could see what was underneath the blindfold, I’m sure his eyes would be brimming with tears and regret.

“Cain, who are you?” he took a deep breath before turning his head upward and asked me.

“Tell me, can you see any stars in the sky yet?” I looked up and saw that there were some starting to shine along with the moon.

“Yes. I can see a few.”

“That’s the one thing I miss. Seeing the stars shine in the sky. Being up with them and holding them in the palm of my hand.” I turned to him and responded.

“You were a Celestial of Starlight?” a bitter smile came at the corner of his mouth as he looked back down.

“Once. Yes. In fact I was the first Starlight Celestials born. 50 years before Ikaris was born. Out of all my brothers and sisters od Starlight he came the closest to gaining my spot of the High Celestial Council. Had his ego not gotten in the way.” I softly chuckled.

“He was rather cocky. Spent more time with Elves than any other race.”

“Hadn’t changed a bit then.” Cain chuckled. “I told him he could one day surpass me, if he showed compassion and kindness to the lives of the Mortals like he did with the Immortals. If he didn’t, then he’d always be one step behind me.”

“In a way he did give it to them. But he never formed a strong connection with them. Always told me to be weary of forming bonds with Mortals. For their lives are brief and losing them can only bring about heartbreak.”

“While that is true, but is it not better to have formed connections with them, rather than—”

“To have not formed any bonds with them at all.” I finished. “I say that to myself all the time whenever my mortal friends question why I continue to return to them.” Cain smiled as he turned in my general direction.

“It would seem we both share the same philosophy.”

“I suppose so.” I said with a small smile and rubbed my injured shoulder.

“It still hurts, doesn’t it?” I looked at him and asked him.

“How exactly can you tell that?”

“What I’ve told you about my senses is true, to a degree. I’m able to hear the friction of your bones in your shoulder grinding together.”

“You-you can actually hear all that?”

“That’s not all though. I’m able to stretch my senses far beyond any mortal capability. If I wanted, I can hear and tell you exactly what is happening with your Hobbit friend Bilbo Baggins. As well as what is happening in Dale with your human friend Bard.”

By the Valar! He can hear and see all of that?! How is that even possible?

“I suppose you wish to know how that’s possible?”

“Oh don’t tell me you can read minds too without Druig’s power?” he softly laughed, the corner of his eyes crinkled under the blindfold as he said.

“No. I just get asked that a lot when I tell people of my true capabilities.” It was then the smile dropped from his face and his body language turned sad with his shoulders lagging and his head down. “However it…..it brings up to why and how I got this scar.”

“I want to know. Cain I—I want to hear your side of the tale.” He swallowed hard, his adam’s apple bobbing a bit before he turned to me.

“First, you need to see this.” He lifted his hands and reached for his blindfold. “I warn you, this—tends to make people uncomfortable. That’s why I hide my eyes from the rest of the world.” Once his fingers touched the blindfold, he slowly untied it and allowed it to fall into his lap.

“By the Valar.” I breathed. In place of where his eyes should be looked to be two stars that had been taken from the sky, shrunken down, molded into circles and then placed into his eye sockets. They shined a pure white glow with a hint of light blue around the rims.

“I wasn’t born this way. I—lost my sight when I—when I lost……” he slowly lifted his hands towards my face. I slightly flinched but he told me, “I won’t hurt you. It’s……it’ll be easier to show you what happened, through my memories.”

“I trust you.” I told him after a brief pause. I then took his hands and pressed them on each side of my face. His thumbs at first gingerly stroking my cheeks while his index fingers felt for my temples and I felt a warm sensation come over me as a flash of light came over me and I found myself before a gorgeous waterfall.

It was unlike anything I’ve ever seen before in Middle Earth. And along it was a small house of wood and stone. A crowd gathering outside with gifts and lantern lights in their hand. I even saw amongst the crowd Ajak, Thena, Gilgamesh, Ikaris, Phastos and a young Kingo.

‘It was the birth of Elwing, and we Celestials gathered to celebrate the birth of who would grow to be an important figure in the future to come. And it was here that my life would change forever.’ Cain’s voice rang out to me. Soon walking beside me was Cain.

However he looked younger, more vibrant and confident in his stride. His hair was longer, about midway down his neck and his eyes were a deep brown mixed with green. He walked around holding the power of a Starlight Celestial (which was the glow of the stars themselves) at the palm of his hand.

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He walked towards the waterfalls just a bit away from the house when he stopped and came across a beautiful young woman with long blonde hair. She was fair in face but she was no elf, in fact she was human. A mortal. Her long blonde hair was as almost as golden as Lady Galadriel’s, her skin white as snow and her eyes reminded me of Haldir’s.

She turned around to head back when her eyes caught sight of Cain and the two of them just stared at one another like a rabbit freezing in fear. It was then Cain smiled nervously and gave a gentle wave at the young woman all the while looking down at his hand and tried to dim the Starlight from his palm, with little to no success.

The woman softly laughed behind her hand before coming up to Cain and I saw her mouth out ‘May I?’ Cain awkwardly and nervously smiled again and nodded as he held out his starlit hand and she was in pure awe at the stars Cain held in his palm.

‘Her name was Yvaine, daughter of Yalanna and Korath. Korath was a family friend to Elwing’s father. Though they were elves who chose a mortal life, they remained friends and were invited to celebrate the birth of Elwing.’ As Cain spoke I saw the memories of him and Yvaine together.

Taking long walks along the forests, him showing her his powers and abilities, riding horses together and watching both the sunrise and sunsets together. The two of them reminded me of Haldir and myself just shortly after we became more than friends.

Cain was so in love with her in fact, that I saw as he stood before both Yvaine’s father and Ajak to discuss what may have been a marriage proposal.

I saw as Ajak’s lips spoke some words to him but Cain stood firm and I could tell he had said to her that he’s willing to give up his immortality and his Celestial power just to be with Yvaine.

With that, the next image I was shown was their wedding day. Yvaine and Cain standing together side by side in their wedding clothes, her family on one side and ours on another.

As they kissed, the crowd cheered and I saw Gilgamesh, Thena and Ikaris bow before their new sister in law, while Ajak, Phastos and young Kingo embraced Yvaine with open arms welcoming her as a part of the family. And Phastos was willing to gift to them a special gift that Ajak believed wasn’t quite ready yet, he called it a photograph. Said to be like a painting but more realistic and smaller and it was that gift he gave to his younger brother and new sister in law.

I now stood before a castle that I’ve only seen pictures of back in Rivendell. The large castle and Elves everywhere told me that I now stood before the once great Kingdom of Gondolin, the very place where Gandalf’s, Thorin’s and Bilbo’s swords were made.

I stood before a quaint little house and I peeked inside to see Cain sitting on the bed with his eyes closed and Yvaine pulling something out from a small jewelry box. Cain kept trying to peek through his fingers, but Yvaine laughing would tell him to stop peeking and Cain would tell her that he wasn’t looking.

That was when she pulled out a small baby bootie and held it out before Cain and I saw her lips tell him to open his eyes. When Cain opened his eyes, he gasped and a wide smile came across his face. But his smile dropped when his jaw dropped and she revealed two more baby booties of a different colors. The first was white, the other one was blue and the other pink.

Cain then fainted on the bed which caused Yvaine to hover over Cain in a brief panic but Cain launched forward and brought her down to lay beside him. He stroked some wild strands out of her face as Yvaine laughed happily behind her hand and Cain kissed the top of her head before peppering her face with kisses. After kissing her, he pressed his forehead against hers and the two of them kissed each other passionately and ever so sweetly.

I saw them together with their new babies, seeing their first steps, the first time they spoke, playing together, and being a family. However not all things end happy, and from what I’ve read in the first Age, a lot of terrible things were going on at the time.

Like what I was witnessing now. Fire had spread throughout the kingdom as Orcs, dragons and Balrogs attacked the great city of Gondolin. From inside the house I saw Cain fixing his daughter’s cloak while Yvaine was helping out their two sons with their cloaks.

Glorfindel, whom I remember Ikaris telling me was a good friend of his, came to collect them and together they along with anyone they could find in the wreckage escaped into the mountain passage while the city was left to burn, and thousands of Elves perished in the fire.

Suddenly they were ambushed as Orcs came riding up behind them. Everyone in a panic began to run, mothers and children running as fast as they could. Through the panic I saw as Cain, Yvaine and their kids briefly stopped and Cain turned to his family.

He knelt down before his children and kissed them each on the forehead before looking up at Yvaine. He stood up and gave her one last kiss before telling her to take the kids and run. She shook her head, refusing to leave without him but Cain wouldn’t take no for an answer. As he saw some of his former Starlight brothers and sisters flying along with the great Eagles of Manwë, he called out to sister Vers, Ikaris and brother Orion to take his family and go.

Vers, Ikaris and Orion tried to hold back Yvaine and his kids who were trying to break free and be with their father and husband. Cain then took out what looked like to be Orcrist and charged towards the orc army to fight alongside Glorfindel and some other Elves who were willing to hold off the orcs, allowing the others to escape.

Cain fought exactly the same way I’ve witnessed him fight, the ferocity yet precision in the way he wielded Orcrist and how he used his body to take down the orcs. Suddenly he took notice of a bright flame just ahead of where Ikaris, Orion and Vers had taken his family and where the others had tried to escape to.

Terror came about Cain’s face as he fought through Orc after Orc to get to the top cliffside of the mountain. Glorfindel racing right behind him and I followed right behind to see the Balrog that was also said to be there, the beast that Glorfindel took down and sacrificed himself to save hundreds of others before being resurrected.

I saw as Cain screamed out in pure heartbreak and horror as he raced towards his family who were hiding behind some rocks while his brothers and sister tried to handle the Balrog but were failing. I watched as the Balrog summoned his whip and send it down right towards Yvaine and the children and soon a flash of light from the whip blinded my entire vision.

When the light dimmed, the battle was done and I saw the corpses of Yvaine clinging onto her dead children, and just a few feet away from them, Cain with his eyes completely burned out from the light of the whip that ended his family.

Vers, Orion and Ikaris landing down beside Cain but it was Ikaris who held Cain in his arms crying and pleading to the Valar to spare Cain.

As the picture faded and I was left in darkness until another image was brought up. Cain was lying on a bed and Ajak stood over him with Ikaris holding his hands together anxiously, his leg bouncing up and down nervously.

‘Ajak, at Ikaris’ desperation, gave me a second chance. My immortality and Celestial strength restored.’ Cain’s voice rang as I saw Ajak reach into her chest and she actually took out a sliver of her very soul. The pure whitish-blue energy was within her palm and she placed it over Cain’s eyes.

After a few minutes she removed her hand from Cain’s eyes and for a brief moment, Cain remained still until I saw him let out a gasp and his body shuddered as his head looked around frantically. His lips repeating out his wife’s and children’s’ names as well as the fact that he couldn’t see.

‘But I would forever remain blind. Not just in the physical sense, but also by my rage.’ Cain’s voice said as I now saw another flashback of Cain walking with clenched fists and a furrowed, angry scowl on his face. ‘So blinded by my rage in fact, that I took it out on the one Celestial who couldn’t say goodbye.’

Ikaris soon came into the picture and Cain let out an angered yell before pouncing on Ikaris and the picture went black. I stood there in the blackness until Cain suddenly appeared before me again. This time his hands were completely covered in blood, bits of blood splattered across his face and his body trembling in both rage as well as sorrow.

‘And—I would give…..anything to tell him how sorry I am.’ Cain’s voice sounded so broken with nothing but regret and remorse for what he had done. ‘You and the future Celestials couldn’t know of my name Hela,’ the vision went black and I was now back in the real world with Cain in front of me. Him taking his hands back as he turned away from me in disgrace, “Because I will forever be…….Cain the Wrathful.”

I saw as tears fell down his face and dripped down onto the lake which caused some ripples in the water. I sat there in shock at hearing his tale but before I could say anything, Cain stood up and walked away in silence.

I felt a soft nudge at my back and turned to see Icarus who let out a couple of sad squawks, and even his permanent furrowed brow was raised up in sorrow as he looked at me with pure sad eyes.

‘You are not the only Celestial to suffer Hela. Both you and Cain may have different stories, but you both share the same pain. You not only need him.’ Lady Galadriel’s voice rang in my head.

“He needs a sister. He needs me.” I softly replied out loud. Icarus closed his eyes and gave a small nod. I got up and Icarus lowered himself down so that I could get onto his back and he immediately took off back towards Cain’s cabin.

I got back to the cabin and I waited along the front porch waiting for Cain to return. All night I waited until dawn was just moments away. My head perked up when Icarus’ lifted his head and tilted his head after hearing something. Soon coming toward us was Cain, he paused for a moment sensing my presence was close to him.

I stood up and I walked towards him. He remained still but his starlight eyes refused to look at me. I took a deep breath and finally I stood before the exiled Celestial that was is my brother Cain.

“Brother Cain.” I softly spoke to him. Hearing him being called Brother after so long, it got him to raise his head up in shock as he looked at me. “I can have some understanding.”

I slowly reached out and took his hands in mine, I felt his hands tremble within my grasp but I eased his worry by stroking his knuckles as softly as I could.

“You lost your family. Lost—both families. You’ve suffered so much…..all on your own. Something that…..I myself have only known. I thought that—no one else could know my pain, until I was told about your story. In a way, your exile is worth it. You’ve helped the people of Harad from Sauron’s forces because of your exile. You’ve kept the South under control of Deviants because of your exile. Because of your exile I—I have a Brother. A living Celestial brother who knows my pain. And maybe—while I’m here being trained by you, perhaps; there is a chance, even just a little, that we both can be healed. Together.” I spoke as I would tighten my grip on his hands trying to give him as much comfort as I could muster.

A solemn yet broken smile came across his face as tears once again fell from his eyes.

“Every night; I pray to Yvaine for help. And little sister,” his hands reached up and came to my shoulders before gently guiding up towards my face. Once again his thumbs gingerly stroking my cheeks as I smiled at him. “She and the Lady of Lórien have sent me you.”

And for the first time, I embraced a brother that was neither Elf, nor of Man or even Dwarf. I was embracing a Celestial of Starlight, my brother Cain and he was embracing me back with as much love and strength as I was holding onto him.

The rays from the rising sun shined down upon us as Icarus let out a few prideful screeches before flying over our heads several times before taking off high into the sky off into the sun’s rise.

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1ddiscourseoftheday · 4 years ago

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Wed 7 Apr ‘21

Louis left Tulum and went to Mexico City, and we got airport pics from both ends: the gathered fans were told by his bodyguard that they should keep their distance but that yes, pictures would be allowed. Thank you Louis! We got to see him a little for the first time in so long, in videos of him walking by (and getting ready to walk by) and blurry pics of him with his guitar, and Oli and Charlie- I’m excited to someday see the footage of whatever they’re working on. But for now, finally some proper pictures of the long long hair, or at least the below the hat part, all flippy and like...LONG! It’s on his SHOULDERS! Early pics had some interesting shadows around an elbow, prompting a flurry of NeW TaTtoO?? excitement, but when more pics were posted we could see that no, his elbow remains the same, false alarm. Once that tattoo kerfuffle died down the interest refocused on his shirt, which featured- a whole damn pile of skulls!

Louis went through a long phase of wearing skull shirts a while back, and the fact that it was during a period of a lot of very pointed t-shirt messages (and that he kept doing it more than ever despite knowing what we were reading into it) seemed to reinforce the theory that he did in fact mean things by it, and seeing him say yes to fan photos while wearing this shirt for the occasion… well! WELCOME BACK public Louis, we MISSED YOU! Yesterday’s shirt was for the band Obituary- is the band name a nod at the fact that Syco, generally considered to be the main target of previous skull shirts, is now dead and gone (rest in pieces assholes:))? Is Louis drawing attention to the livestream that band did a few days ago for their album ‘The End Complete’, and if so, is that also about Syco or about… something else? Inconclusive, but if we were meant to find their song “End It Now”, that can truly only be about one thing!! Am I to believe that SBB himself, Mr “I like to draw the fans’ attention to the lyrics of things” just, whoopsy, missed that! I mean, you would think every band on earth has lyrics about “ending it“ with the number of times he’s made that mistake, damn… he just never learns. Poor Louis, gosh how embarrassing! Lol. Anyway, I’ve seen people wondering lately what will happen when all the fans that have joined us in this time of lockdown and of no real contact with Louis will react when their version of Louis has to compete with the real one- and him barely being back at all but immediately reminding people that he is not a dad FFS feels like an excellent beginning, this should be good! BUCKLE IN friends! The real Louis is sooo much more fun than the boring made up one, just get ready to enjoy the chaotic energy and trying to keep up with him….

Oh also Louis liked a Snuts tweet about being underdogs as they fight to get the release week UK #1 for their new album, and a charity says they reached out to Louis AND LOTTIE to play in their celeb footie match PLEASE, HOW CUTE WOULD THAT BE? Come on Tomlinsons, say yes!

Liam has a big interview in Glamour to promote his BAFTAS performance! If *I* were doing the piece I would have really gone hard on the Two Liams angle of the performance (in which Liam will be accompanied by a hologram of himself) but alas they are boring and only interviewed one of him- maybe the part where he says “you're on stage, you're a certain type of person, and at home you're a certain type of person” sort of counts? The “that's always something I've really struggled with” makes it not so fun though, but that’s a Liam interview for ya; worrisome and makes you want to hug him a lot. “I didn't actually realize this for a long time, but I often give a little bit too much away,“ he says, and today is no exception. We catch up on the time since last we heard from him, when he told us he was going to take some well-earned time off and try to focus on writing new music; he continues to have difficulty with downtime unfortunately. Oh Liam, I do wish it were easier for you to take a break! He says, “I stopped working and I had a full, proper month off [and that was] really hard. And it was all a bit dark for me for a little bit... not being able to go anywhere, not being able to do anything. It really, really hit home. And I just found myself sat in the same place day in, day out. And I was like, okay, I really do not know what to do with myself” and “for me, learning to relax has always been quite a hard thing to do because I feel like if I'm not moving forward, then I must be going backwards.” He goes on to say “so, in a way it's kind of a blessing in disguise, as this has all kind of taught me to relax a little bit more. And to not be so worried about that, like the world is not going to fall over if I don't do something today,” and I wish I believed him, but that’s Liam’s way, to be like oh I need to add something upbeat and end on a cheerful note! So IDK. He also talks about drinking too much, at the beginning of lockdown especially, and how he’s dealt with it by getting back to working out and dieting. There’s nothing there that he hasn’t talked about before (he’s publicly addressed both his struggles with alcohol dependency and has talked a lot about his disordered eating though he hasn’t himself named it that) but after publication Glamour edited the piece to omit the part about his drinking-- I’m guessing the augmented reality app people didn’t feel it fit their ideal image (sigh). What that leaves is him saying how nice it was to be able to eat what he wanted during lockdown but that having the boundaries and rules in place of restricting his food again has made him feel better about himself, which if you ask me is still plenty distressing. Oh Liam :( <I’ve never wanted to hug someone so bad/ Spongebob meme> On a slightly more cheerful note, he tells us he feels supported and heard by a manager that he’s close to, and by Louis, and that those relationships are good for him (the interviewer does ask about Bear, but financee Maya is not mentioned even once in this article). The piece ends with a startling response to a comment about his upcoming performance: “I'll see you wherever you want me in your house, I guess.”

Niall posted about his Masters (golf) fantasy league and he was seen out and about! He was photographed in London driving a car the size of a house and on the street carrying one of his dozens of different reusable water bottles, with his hair floppy and down- is it a new haircut or just unstyled??- and shorts and little roundish shades. Hello Neil! There was a rumored sighting of Harry in London as well but no pics and like we know he’s there anyway so… shrug. And iHeart award nominations are up, and they’re pitting louies against harries, ouch. Will it be nasty (well when isn’t it even without this voted category, sigh), or will the louies simply steamroller everyone as per usual? Only time will tell, but if so harries can console themselves with their likely wins in the Male Artist of the Year, Best Lyrics (Adore You), and Song of the Year (WS) categories.

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lightsovermonaco · 4 years ago

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His Good Sweater: Chapter 11 (NSFW)

Masterlist

IT’S THE MOMENT YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR BESTIES! Thanks as always to @acollectionofficsandshit I think I broke her with this chapter! She also found the song for this chapter so special thanks for that as well ❤

Word Count: 7.6k

Recommended song: “The Man Who Can’t be Moved” by the Script

The steam of the shower cleanses your senses and washes away the sweat from your workout. Crisp September air rushes through the open window and raises goosebumps on your skin as you step out. You turn off the tap and wrap yourself in a fluffy towel in an attempt to ward off the chill. A glance at the clock tells you that you have a half hour to get ready before your date picks you up.

Peter was one of the few guys in your major that paid you any attention. Most of them tolerated you at best but it had never bothered you. You were independent enough that you could make it through class on your own and google what you didn’t understand afterward and learn it before the exam.

It had been fairly easy to fall in with Peter and a few others during the first few weeks of summer classes. What began with group study sessions and quickly developed into hanging out one on one with Peter on the weekends to go to coffee shops or play video games.

When Peter had asked you out two months ago, Pierre's voice nagged in the back of your head. He asked if you were ready to move on from him and if you could really forget him.

The simple answer was no, forgetting him was impossible. No matter how many years passed, he would always own a part of you.

Peter was sweet and he cared about you but you were quickly realizing the bond you shared with him didn't run as deep as it had with Pierre. He started as your friend and you really didn't feel right letting it develop past that. Although you had agreed to that date and plenty more in the time since, it still didn’t feel like a relationship. You had to stop yourself from imagining someone else's arm around you when you lounged on the sofa or someone else's lips kissing you goodnight.

You slip into a form fitting red cocktail dress and sweep your hair over a shoulder, banishing the memory. The person staring back at you in the mirror is a stranger, a ghost of who you once were. You pull your lips into a smile nowhere near as bright as it was months ago.

A knock on your apartment door startles you from your trance. Peter holds a bouquet of flowers, a broad grin on his face. He was handsome in a traditional sense, with a sharp jawline and playful forest green eyes that promised a good time. He was adventurous; a night in wasn’t in the cards. Everything was an event with him and you didn’t mind the distractions one bit.

"You look amazing as always," he says, stepping inside and kissing your cheek. You sniff the flowers lightly. Daisies were some of your least favorite flowers but the gesture was too sweet to point that out.

"So do you," you respond, gaze sweeping from his scuffed wingtip shoes to his crisp blue button down shirt. Ocean blue, washed out against Peter's pale skin, but would have looked perfect on Pierre's golden complexion.

You had to stop thinking about him. You saw him everywhere. On more than one occasion, you dropped out of a conversation when you caught a glimpse of blond hair bobbing through a crowd or heard a laugh startlingly similar to his. You couldn’t escape the idea of him whether you liked it or not.

"Are you okay?" Peter asks, touching your elbow.

God, you were so far from okay. Your mind was a melted mess of memories of a blond Frenchman and all the broken promises between the pair of you. This was pointless. You were wasting your time with Peter. He was great and should have been everything you wanted but he just wasn't enough.

"I'm so sorry," you start, handing back the flowers. "I don't think this is going to work."

"Oh thank god," he says, shoulders drooping as he runs a hand through his hair. "I've been thinking the same thing, I just didn't want to be the one to say it." You both laugh, the tension ebbing from your frame.

"Don't get me wrong," he continues, "You're amazing. There's just no…"

"Spark," you finish. "Yeah, I agree. Friends?"

You stick out your hand and he shakes it firmly. "Sounds like a plan. No hard feelings. See you in class on Monday?"

"I'll be there."

You slip out of your heels with a sigh, glad you don't have to endure that form of torture any longer. For the first time in months, you allow yourself to scroll through Pierre's Instagram.

Instead of being flooded with personal pictures it had become mostly posed shoots.it was the kind of thing that seemed staged, like he was only posted because his PR team deemed it necessary.

As time went on the content became more and more clinical. He was giving fans less of an insight into his personal life and focusing on racing content. You knew he had probably thrown everything he had into the season in an attempt to move on and you couldn't blame him.

If his Insta was to be believed, he had earned a handful of podiums in the four months since you had mostly lost interest in the sport. After Austin it had been nearly impossible to watch a full race and you had instead been getting your biased updates from Max, who conveniently left out all but the barest details of anyone’s race weekend but his own.

There was no point in trying to convince yourself you no longer felt anything for Pierre. Just scrolling through his page reignites the flame in your chest that had been burning far too dimly for far too long.

Heart pounding, you double tap a photoset of him modeling for Alpha Tauri, the lighting accenting his eyes. Their distinct, rich blue had always been your weakness.

Your fingers find their way to the charm at your throat. You hadn't taken it off once since the gala. It was pointless to deny the sway he still held over you all these months later. Maybe it was time you stopped pretending you were fine and finally give in to the pull.

The past few months have given you plenty of time to reflect. The media would hound you like dogs but at least while you were in London they would leave your family alone. And really, enduring their scrutiny was a small price to pay if it meant loving Pierre.

“I’m an idiot,” you mumble, pulling up his contact in your phone. Breaking up with him had been the dumbest decision of your life. You’d watched him from afar as he traveled from grand prix to grand prix, touring cities and sleeping everywhere except where he belonged: curled up next to you in your tiny London flat, whispering sweet nothings in your ear until you both fell asleep.

You couldn’t bear it any longer. Fuck what anyone would say. Nothing could be worse than knowing your soulmate was out there and you let him go.

Heart pounding, you type out a text. I miss you.

Shaking your head, you erase it. How are you? Seemed more appropriate.

"Here goes nothing," you murmur and hit send.

**********

It started off as any other free Sunday did: Charles and Charlotte arriving at his apartment carrying snacks and beer which neither of them would tell their trainers about tomorrow and plopping in front of the television to watch the PSG match.

The trio roared at the screen at poor calls and yelled when a goal was scored, all completely lost in the sport.

Pierre absently registers his phone buzzing during the last few minutes of the match but ignores it. PSG comes out on top and he finally checks it, nearly choking on the pretzels he was eating.

How are you?

Pierre has to read it thrice before he’s convinced it’s real.

"Holy fuck," he says softly, tipping the phone so Charles can see.

"Told you mate." He takes Charlotte's hand and stands. Football match completely forgotten, Pierre lifts a hand in a wave as the couple leaves. His eyes are fixed on the screen as he tries to comprehend the gravity your words carry.

After months of waiting in agony and wondering if you still cared, you’d texted him.

He had no idea how he managed to keep his feet on the floor. He was completely weightless, reading your message over and over again until it sinks in.

He takes the three simple words as permission to finally delve back into your life, immediately scrolling through your instagram to catch up. He double taps every post save for the ones with you and some tall, handsome guy. His stomach twists.

Fuck it. Even if you just wanted to catch up, he'd take it. If you told him you were with someone else and you were happy, he'd learn to live with it. He was starved of you and was prepared to beg for crumbs of your life.

I'm fine. You have time for a phone call?

It was a leap but he acknowledged and accepted the risks.

Yeah. That would be good.

You pick up on the second ring.

"Hey."

Pierre squeezes his eyes shut, pushing back the lump in his throat. Years of memories rush over him in the space of a breath. The shock in your voice when you found out he was a driver for the first time. Your smile and breathless laugh when you met him in the garage in Brazil after his first podium in Formula 1. The tentative glances he had thrown your way for months after he finally accepted that he had begun to fall for you. The way your velvet lips felt when he made a gamble and kissed you for the first time. The drunken lilt of your voice when you told him you loved him that night in London.

Before he can stop it the bad comes rushing back too. The memory of the terror on your face when he let it slip that you were together sends a chill through him. If there was one moment he could change, it wouldn’t be the time he fucked up and lost his seat at Red Bull. It would be to keep his damned mouth shut at that karting track and preserve the bliss of that day and tuck it away in a bulletproof case that he could pull out and look at whenever he wanted.

"Hey you," he manages, silently thanking whoever is listening that he keeps the tremble out of his voice. "Been awhile."

"Yeah," you say sheepishly. "Sorry about that."

"You don't have anything to apologize for," he says quickly. "You never need to apologize to me."

You were the last one that needed to apologize for anything. He should be the one beginning for forgiveness. It was his fault you’d panicked. He should have fought harder for you, proved that he could make it work and save you both from months of heartache. But then again, maybe you had moved on. He couldn’t expect you to wait for him forever.

He doesn’t realize he’s been silent for so long until you clear your throat. For the first time he can recall, the silence is thick and heavy with unspoken words. It had always been effortless, the stories and words flowing like a babbling brook between the two of you. Now the confessions on his tongue remain poised there, too terrified to give them the light of day.

"How's your season been?" He’s thankful you break the quiet first but the question makes his stomach sink.

"You haven't been watching?"

"Not really."

"Oh." It made sense that you would distance yourself from him and that was fine, but he couldn’t pretend it didn’t hurt. "It's been decent. Red Bull wants me to come to Milton for contract discussions this week, actually."

"You're moving back up?"

"Potentially." Horner had only called him earlier that week to discuss the potential of him returning to Red Bull next year. The informal agreement was that if he could make seventh in the championship in a midfield car, they would bump him back for the following season.

It wasn’t a concrete guarantee- that’s why Horner wanted to speak with him in person. He had a year left in his contract and being in a Red Bull meant he would be able to prove his worth to other teams and potentially secure a world championship worthy seat at a team that actually appreciated his talent.

He draws a breath before continuing, "I'll be in London on Monday. You know- if you wanna get together."

You stay silent for a touch too long and he panics. It was too soon. He should have kept his mouth shut because now he’d driven you away again. “Nevermind, forget I said anything-"

"No," you interrupt, "no, I'd love to see you and catch up. I don't have classes on Tuesdays. Have any free time then?"

His eyes slide shut and he exhales. The flack he would undoubtedly catch for shuffling around a few interviews would be worth it to see you. "Yeah. I can swing by your apartment around seven?"

"Okay," you say, a touch of excitement lacing your voice. "I'll make myself presentable."

"I-" he stops himself before the words can slip past his lips. "I'll see you then."

*********

Pierre blows out a breath and adjusts his backpack. He stands at the threshold of your building, keys in hand, unsure if he should let himself in. The dilemma had kept him rooted to the spot for nearly ten minutes now, weighing the pros and cons of his options.

“Hey you, blond fucker.” Pierre whips around and is met by Daniel’s girlfriend glaring up at him from the sidewalk. She tips her head to the side to study him. Apparently he wasn’t the only one that had to cancel plans to be here tonight. “You gonna grow a pair and go up there or just keep staring at the door all day?”

“I’m going,” he grumbles, “are you?”

“Oh, I was going to but clearly whatever you have planned is more important.” Her grin splits her face ear to ear. “About damn time she got ahold of you. I was getting sick of listening to her gripe about you twenty four seven.”

“Didn’t she tell you I was coming by? If you guys have plans I can come back later.”

She waves a hand and dismisses the offer. “Absolutely not. Go get your girl.”

“She’s not-” The glare she cuts him snatches the words from his mouth. She makes a shooing motion before setting off down the sidewalk, munching on whatever snacks were in her shopping bag.

Pierre shakes out his hands and tries to gather the courage to use his key. The hopeless romantic argued that you would expect him to use it because you would know he still had it. The rational side of him butts in to point out that it might catch you off guard if he showed up without warning. He settles on buzzing your unit, your answer fuzzy from the distortion.

"Pierre?"

Even with the warbly static in your voice, his name on your lips is the salvation he’s been dreaming about for months. "Yeah it's me."

"Don't you have a key?"

"I wasn't sure if I should use it."

You don't answer, instead letting the buzz of the electronic lock do the talking. He takes the stairs three at a time, barely winded by the time he reaches the third floor. He doesn't even have to knock, your door swinging open as he steps up. The sight of you knocks the breath from his lungs.

It didn't matter that you were in a simple hoodie and jeans, feet bare and hair swept back in a low bun. You are the most beautiful person he's ever seen and after months apart he nearly falls to his knees then and there to beg for your forgiveness, to get lost in you until two souls became one and he never had to live another second apart from you.

"Are you gonna stand there or do you wanna come in?"

God, he had missed your teasing jabs. His fingers ache for contact with your soft skin and he curls them into a fist to resist the urge. “Coming in,” he says softly, purposefully brushing your arm as he skirts past you. Every inch of him sings from the barely there touch, his soul aching for more.

Just stepping foot into your quaint flat has the weight he had been carrying on his chest for months beginning to ease up. Nothing beat the elation of being back where he belonged, not even spraying champagne from the top step on a podium.

Determined not to scare you off before he could have a proper conversation with you, Pierre opts for falling into the same humor you had used earlier. The corners of his mouth twitch upward. "Is that takeout I smell?"

You nod, your cheeks turning a pale pink. “I got you two orders of beef lo mein. I figured you might be hungry.”

As if summoned, his stomach growls. “Yeah. I haven’t eaten since breakfast."

“Figures,” you say, eyes glinting with mischief as you settle into the plush carpet and pull a takeout box towards you. "I got it from that place across town, the one you liked best." Pierre perches on the edge of the sofa and snags the plastic tray with his name on it, eyes never leaving yours.

Now that you were mere feet from him he found it increasingly difficult to deny himself the relief of kissing you here and now. He wanted to trace his thumb over your lips before replacing it with his own, to slot his mouth over yours until time was nothing and he was no one other than yours.

You clear your throat and drop his gaze first, sending him crashing back to reality. “So, ninth huh? Glad to see you cracked the top ten.”

Pierre scrunches his nose and spears a piece of broccoli. He was shit with chopsticks but you always got a kick out of him fumbling with them. “Not where I’d like to be but I’ll take it. Horner took notice obviously, but I’m not getting my hopes up.”

“I think an invitation to Milton Keynes is enough reason to hope," you say around a mouthful of sticky rice.

This interaction was reason to hope. The fact that you were once again on speaking terms, that things were finally returning to some semblance of normal, was enough for him to believe that one day everything would be back to how it was before. That maybe, just maybe, he could hold you in his arms again and fall asleep to the soundtrack of your heart beating in his ear.

Remembering the guy from your instagram, he scans the room for any sign of a male companion. Finding none, he asks, “How’s your boyfriend?”

It probably would have been a good idea to go about this particular line of questioning with a bit more tact. Inquiring so blatantly betrayed his inner thoughts, laid all his cards on the table. He didn't have it in him to care, not when his world might be turned upside down by your answer.

“Oh, you mean Peter?” You sip your water, seemingly working up the courage to explain. Each moment that the silence dragged on it became more of a physical monster. Pierre could feel it growing until it threatened to sink his claws in him and drag him deeper into the pits of his insecurity.

“If that’s his name, yeah.” Pierre braces himself for whatever comes next, reminding himself to be happy for you no matter what you choose. It would take time but he could put aside what he still felt for you and learn to accept your choice if it meant staying in your life.

You shake your head. “He’s a friend from uni. He’s not my boyfriend. At least not anymore.”

“Oh,” he says, frowning down at his food to cover the way his heart skips. “But he was?”

He had expected you to move on, if he was being honest. No way in hell did you deserve to be as miserable as he had been since you'd left- you deserved all the happiness he couldn't seem to give you and more. And if someone else had been the one to grant you that happiness, he should thank them.

“For a little while,” you say softly, like it would cushion the blow. “It didn’t feel right.”

He was familiar with that feeling. Nothing he did felt right after the break up. Just about the only thing that kept him sane was telling himself that you’d come to your senses sooner or later.

And now that he was here, his world was beginning to right itself.

“Earth to Pierre,” you say teasingly, waving a hand in front of his face.

“Sorry,” he says sheepishly. “I just- I’ve missed this,” he says, picking at his food.

“What, eating subpar takeout in my tiny apartment?” You laugh and stuff another bite in your mouth. God, you could be so oblivious. It was one of the many things he adored about you.

“I do. I miss doing anything that involves you, actually.”

There it was. His heart laid bare before you for the second time, waiting to see how you would respond. You set down your chopsticks and wipe your lips. His eyes track their movement as you whisper, “I’ve missed you too.”

Four syllables and he melts. It takes all he has to keep himself from sobbing with relief. It was everything he had come here hoping to hear. He couldn’t endure this again, couldn’t lose you for a second time-

“Don’t say that unless you mean it,” he pleads, body thrumming with the need to wrap you in his arms. “Don’t put me through this again unless you’re here to stay.”

He wasn't strong enough to tell you to stop. He would let you wreck him and he would be completely powerless to stop it. He would welcome it if it meant you granting him a sliver of your time. It would ruin him for anyone else but he didn’t have it in him to turn you away.

You rise to your feet and pad around the low table until you’re standing knee to knee, his neck craned up to study your face. You just keep looking at him, the leash on his carefully controlled restraint slipping as he rambles, “Because I can’t take it if you leave me again, I won’t-”

You simply nod, as if that’s all the answer he should need. But it’s not enough. “Tell me,” he pleads. “Tell me you mean it.”

He didn’t care that he was begging. He didn’t care that you had reduced his normally impenetrably stoic mentality to a jumble of you. If he was being honest with himself, you were the light of his life, the reason he pushed so hard for results on track. Everything had gone black and white when you left and racing had been the only thing keeping him from falling apart at the seams. The need to make you proud still propelled him forward even if he'd had no idea if you still cared.

So no, he didn’t care at all that he was practically on his knees. He would grovel at your feet for his entire life if it meant you’d grant him one more day to be with you.

“I mean it,” you murmur and place a hand on his cheek. He draws a shaky breath, leaning into you. Home, home, home, his head screams, acutely aware of every square inch of contact between the two of you.

“I’ve had plenty of time to think about it, and I’ve finally come to terms with it- your lifestyle. If I love you, I have to accept it being public. I have to build myself a shelter to withstand the storm, but I’ll make it big enough for two.”

It takes everything in him to keep from crushing you to his chest and never letting go. He had to ask, had to be certain beyond the shadow of a doubt that it was forever. “Promise me you won’t leave again if things get hard. Promise me we’ll get through whatever they throw at us together.”

“I promise. I’m not afraid anymore,” you murmur. Pierre’s head falls forward to rest on your hip bone, your fingers threading in his hair. “Daniel’s girlfriend helped me see that it doesn’t matter what anyone says. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I haven't been the same since I…”

“Neither have I.” His thumb winds under your shirt to sweep over your soft skin. “You’re safe with me, you know that right? I can protect you from whatever they say and you’re right, it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is this-” he finally lets himself look up at you- “what we have. I’ve never stopped loving you, not once.”

Your smile is soft and tentative as you climb into his lap. His hands slide up your sides to pull you closer, refusing to let an inch separate you now that you’d bridged the gap. “I promise I’m not going anywhere. I learned my lesson.”

You lean down to ghost your lips over his brow, his closed eyelids, his nose. He can feel himself reconstructing under your touch, that final piece of the puzzle clicking home after being lost for so long. “I promise that I’m yours until the last star falls from the sky.”

He had lost four months of time with you. He wouldn't allow another second to slip through his fingers.

Anticipating his movements, you meet him halfway. Fireworks explode as his lips finally return home and his world is finally, finally righted. Your nails scratch lightly at the nape of his neck, drawing him impossibly closer as your body moulds against his. He had nearly forgotten how perfectly your curves fit against him after all this time. He was determined to memorize every mountain and valley of you by the night's end.

His hands grip your thighs and he stands. Your arms automatically wind around his neck to keep from falling. He carries you to the kitchen and sets you on the edge of the island, never breaking the kiss. Nothing mattered outside of this apartment; not his career, not any baseless gossip, nothing existed beyond the space where your skin met his.

Pierre pulls back long enough to remove his shirt. Your fingers dance over his skin, relearning the planes of his chest like you had all the time in the world. And you did; he would stay here as long as you let him, reveling in the way you drank up every inch of his body like it was the first time you’d seen it.

“I love you,” you say as he kisses along your jaw.

How many times had he dreamt of you whispering that to him the past four months? How many times had it echoed in his head before a race, taunting him? He could scarcely believe his mind wasn’t playing more tricks on him now. He had to be certain it was real.

“Say it again,” he breathes. “Please. Please, tell me again.”

“I love you,” you repeat, punctuating each word with a kiss. “I love you Pierre, my champion, my heart, my everything.”

Pierre groans against your mouth, knotting his fingers in your hair and tugging your head back to expose your throat. He nips at the soft skin, not caring that he was leaving a trail of tiny marks in his wake. His focus was entirely on the gasps he was dragging from you with each touch, your heels digging into his ass and begging for him to be closer.

"My sweet, kindhearted man," you continue breathlessly. He didn't know if the words were for your benefit or his. "My best friend. My one and only love."

In that moment, you could ask him to bring you a star from the midnight sky and he wouldn't stop until he found a way to make it happen. You could ask for his last dollar and he would hand it to you with a smile on his face, completely enthralled with the way his name sounds on your tongue, professing that you still wanted him as much as he wanted you.

You were his undoing.

“Off,” he growls, tugging at your sweatshirt. You obey instantly and fling it aside, neither of you caring when dishes clatter to the tile floor and undoubtedly break. Your jeans follow suit after he helps you slip out of them. He runs his fingers over the delicate black lace of your bra and panties and pauses to appreciate that you knew exactly where the night would lead.

His cock twitches as you reach between your bodies to run a knuckle over his clothed length. “Your turn.” You undo the button with practiced ease, taking your sweet time as his breath comes in ragged gasps. He’d had a taste of you and hadn’t forgotten how you’d felt around him. He needed you more than he needed the air he breathed, his desperation taking over as he swats your hand aside and strips off his jeans and boxers himself.

He drops to his knees and grips your thighs, pulling you forward until your center is inches from his face. The yelp that escapes you is intoxicating, your hands flying back to catch yourself. His teeth sink none too gently into the flesh of your thigh and he’s rewarded with a moan before he flicks his tongue over the hurt.

Your head falls back and Pierre places one of your legs over his shoulder. “Mon amour,” he purrs, garnering your attention. Your head lolls forward and he waits until you meet his gaze to speak again. “You know I love you, right?”

“I never doubted it,” you confirm, lips curling in a smile. “But why don’t you prove it to me again?”

He pulls your panties aside and blows lightly. You groan, thighs tensing under his fingers as your toes curl and he chuckles. “Sounds like a challenge.”

“Do you really want to tease me?”

“What I want,” he says sharply, “is to have you moaning my name until it's the only word you know.” His tongue flicks out to dance over your thigh, dangerously close to where he knows you want him. “What I want is to make up for lost time.” He rips through the thin lace of your panties and lets the ruined scraps fall to the floor.

“Those were expensive.”

“I’ll buy you new ones.”

He would buy you an entire lingerie store if he could rip every set of it off you. He didn’t care how much it costed, it was never too much when it came to you.

“What I want most, my love,” he murmurs, smiling when his hot breath curls over your dripping cunt and you squirm, “is to forget everything else and stay here forever.”

You cry out when his tongue finally flicks through your folds. Pierre hums approvingly at your reaction, one arm snaking up to pin your hips in place. He sucks lightly at your clit and your fingers tangle in his hair.

“P-Pierre,” you breathe. He pulls back and you whine at the loss of contact. He grins up at you, the wickedness of it dragging the moan from your lips that he was after. He was drunk on the sound, desperate to hear it again and again.

“There’s my good girl.” He runs his tongue flat over your sex, savoring the taste as you squirm under him. You let out a choked noise when he repeats the motion before fucking you with his tongue, his nose hitting your clit with each stroke.

He doesn’t miss the way your lip wobbles and Pierre knows you’re ready to cry with frustration. He decides he’s tortured you enough for now and relents, putting two fingers in his mouth to wet them before plunging them inside you.

His mouth is spelling his name on your clit a moment later, your walls already clamping down on his fingers as your orgasm nears. In the handful of times he’d taken you to bed, he had already learned that when your head rolls back like that and your breathing stops, you’re seconds away from climaxing. He doesn’t let up until you’re shaking beneath him, finally slowing to work you through your orgasm without making you hypersensitive.

“Baby,” you groan breathlessly. Pierre slowly withdraws his fingers and wipes them on his thigh before pressing a final, tender kiss to your center that makes you jump.

“Use my name,” he demands, uncoiling to his full height. He grips your wrist and hauls your boneless body up, wrapping his other arm around your shoulders to keep you upright.

“Pierre,” you murmur and he grinds his hips against you in approval. He captures your mouth with his, taking advantage of your hazy mind to lazily explore it.

You hum into the kiss, managing to wrap your arms around his neck and pull him closer. Suddenly the column of your neck is all he can think about and he wraps a hand around it, squeezing with enough force that you pull back with a gasp.

“Too much?” He murmurs, lessening his grip. Your brows knit together and your lower lips juts out, begging for him to take it between his teeth. He leans in and gives in to the impulse as he swipes his thumb under your jaw.

“Tell me if you want my hand on your throat, my love. I need to hear you say it.”

“Please,” you say finally. Your eyes are cloudy when they meet his. “Keep it there.”

He shows his approval in the form of a light squeeze. You angle your hips up, nudging his cock with your center. You reach a hand down to wrap around his shaft and drag the head through your folds, teasing him as he had done to you. The grip on your throat tightens to a point bordering blissfully between pain and pleasure, both a warning and an order to continue.

If you knew how close he was to flipping you on your stomach and slamming into you, you’d call him crazy. Or maybe you’d like it, judging by the way your head falls back as he rocks his hips and inches into you.

You both moan when he decides the time for restraint has passed and he slams into you. You lift your hips to meet his with every thrust, clearly missing this just as much as he had. God, he’d lost months of fucking you, of feeling you clench around him and writhe beneath him. If he could stay like this forever he would, his hand around your neck and cock splitting you open as he laps up your moans like sweet candy.

“I’m- Pierre,” you squeak out, and he knows you’re barreling towards your second orgasm of the night. He pulls you up by your neck until you’re eye to eye and forced to look at him.

“Come for me,” he whispers, slamming into you again and again. “Come on my cock mon amour and I might just cum inside you.”

His words are your undoing, pleasure rippling from you in waves as your mouth falls open in a silent plea. He grants you no clemency as your cunt twitches around him, instead following through on his promise and following your lead.

You pants mix with his own as he struggles to keep both of you upright, his knees turned to jelly. Your head rests on his shoulder and he presses a kiss to your temple, slowly pulling out of you. A pitiful whimper escapes your throat involuntarily.

“I know,” Pierre murmurs, reaching over to start the kitchen sink. He wets a clean cloth and runs it between your legs, still supporting you as he doesn’t trust that your legs won't give out if he doesn’t. When it’s clear you can barely form a coherent thought, he scoops you in his arms and carries you to your room. He nudges the bathroom door open with his hip and sets you on the vanity.

The absence of his body heat makes you shiver when he goes to turn on the shower, adjusting the knobs until he’s satisfied with the temperature. He gathers you in his arms and steps into the tub, your sigh audible as the warm water hits your skin.

“Can you stand?” he murmurs before kissing your temple. You nod against his chest and he sets you down, keeping his hands on your waist just in case. You’re thankful for it when your knees wobble, a hand flying out to steady yourself.

“I’m okay,” you say after a beat and grin up at him. “I can stand, promise.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m taking my hands off you,” he says, grinning right back. “At least not for long.” He reaches over your shoulder for the shampoo and gestures for you to turn around. You obey, tipping your head back to wet your hair. A blissful sigh escapes you when his fingers meet your scalp, the cherry blossom scent blooming in the air as he works it into a lather.

Taking care of you was just as satisfying as the sex was. He cherished the intimacy of taking this small burden from your shoulders. The seemingly simple task was one of deep seated trust and it proved to him that your love ran bone deep. There was a level of trust in you letting him wash you that he didn't want to have with anyone else. It was reserved for you and you alone.

“Close your eyes,” he warns before guiding your head back under the water for a rinse. He cups a hand to your forehead to keep the soap from your eyes. Your smile is soft but unrestrained as you lean further into him until your back is pressed to his chest.

You both stay silent as he runs the creamy conditioner through the ends of your hair. His hand cups your jaw and tips your head back for a lazy kiss before he rinses that too and cuts the tap.

Once you're wrapped in a fuzzy white towel he finally dries himself off, fighting off a chill. He doesn't realize you're watching him until he turns around and notices you standing in the doorway.

"What?"

You push off the wall and pad back to where he stands to wrap your arms around his middle. His thumb traces patterns on your shoulder, perfectly content to stand there dripping on the tile until morning.

When it's clear you're lost in thought he speaks up. "What's on your mind?"

"When did you know you loved me?"

"Like the exact moment?" He asks, caught off guard. You nod against his chest.

"When you visited me in Milan last summer," he says a few heartbeats later. That night insisted on making guacamole at two in the morning and woke me up because you couldn't find a lime. You told me you couldn't sleep because it was all you could think about after you saw that couple at the cafe eating it."

"Why then?"

"Because I knew I didn't have a lime but I was fully prepared to knock on every door in the building to find you one. Because in that moment all that mattered was seeing your face light up when I handed it to you and knowing that it was me that made you smile like that. I knew then that I’d do anything for you."

It still amazed him how a lime of all things was the tipping point. In that moment, a lime was important to you and it so naturally became important to him. If anyone else had woken him from his deep sleep he would have grumbled and told them off. But you, seeing your face inches from his, the light from the hall casting a warm halo around your frame as you whispered his name, he hadn’t cared at all.

"But then I found the juice in the fridge," you recall and glance up at him.

"Yeah, you did. And you felt so bad for waking me up- you had no idea that I had already fallen so hard that I had to keep myself from shutting you up with a kiss.”

The easy admission seems to stir something in you and you rise up on your tiptoes to press your lips to his. “I knew that time you sent food to my dorm at midnight when I was pulling an all nighter. I was studying for my calculus final, remember?”

Pierre nods. “I was in Barcelona. You weren’t answering your phone so I sent a message with the takeout guy.” He had been wholly enamored with you at that point, having quickly learned that trying to keep his feelings buried deep was an option that would never work. So he leaned into it, letting little bits of it shine through in hopes that you might pick up on it.

Your laugh rumbles through him. “It was the most thoughtful thing anyone had ever done for me. I hadn’t eaten all day. I was too nervous.”

“Took us long enough to figure it out didn’t it?” He untangles himself from you and leads you to bed.

“I’m just glad we did eventually.” You let him guide you to the mattress while he stays standing and goes to your closet. He hunts for the shirt he wants to see you in, praying you hadn’t gotten rid of it. He finally finds it tucked back in the corner and pulls it out, the cobalt blue fabric a little faded from how often you’d worn it over the years.

“I remember that,” you say softly as he returns with it and slips it over your head.

It was the first shirt he had ever gotten upon entering Formula 1 and somehow you had wound up snagging it from his closet while he cleaned up the mess in the kitchen during that same trip to Milan. He had choked on his guac when you reappeared wearing it, eyes lingering on the Torro Rosso logo on the chest and his name splayed across your back like a claiming.

"I don't have sweatpants for you anymore," you point out with an apologetic wince. "I got rid of them."

Pierre just shrugs and hands you the shirt. "I have a change of clothes in my backpack. I was planning on working out to blow off some steam if…"

He trails off and you nod in silent acknowledgement. He didn’t have to voice the thought, you were already in his head and knew exactly what he meant. Unable to help himself, he kisses your head just because he can before retrieving his bag from the kitchen. "I have something for you," he says and lets the towel around his waist drop.

You let out a low whistle and grin at him as your eyes slide over every inch of his body. He takes more time than necessary to pull out his shorts, appreciating your gaze. You're still watching him as he slips them on and brings his bag to you.

"Do you wanna see what I got you or are you gonna stare at me all night?"

"I think I'll stare."

Pierre rolls his eyes and chuckles, plopping down next to you. "Close your eyes and hold out your hands."

You do as he asks but not before cocking a brow at him. Knowing the sound of the package will give it away, he does his best to draw out the first item as quietly as he can. The second he sets it in your hands a smile splits your face. He'd tear down the energy station with his bare hands to keep that expression on your face.

"It's candy." Your eyes open and you gasp. "Laffy taffy? But you can only get this-"

"In the states," He finishes. “I got as much as the store had.” The chewy, fruity candy was your absolute favorite and every once in a while you craved it. His backpack was currently stuffed full of it and various other packages of sweets, having been collected at every gp he had been to since Austin.

You tear into the package and dig for a pink one. You hold it out to him triumphantly and somehow, it’s that simple gesture that makes him melt. “You like the strawberry ones don’t you?”

“Yes baby, I do.” He lets you pop the sweet in his mouth - Pyry would certainly not approve- and grins at you. “If you eat too many before bed you won’t be able to sleep.”

“It’s still early,” you point out but don’t hesitate to set the sweets aside and cuddle up to him when he lays back. “Got somewhere to be?”

“I have to be at Milton by eight,” he says, wrapping an arm around your middle. “But you’re coming with me.”

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mammons-tax-returns · 4 years ago

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comforting you about your body insecurities pt. 1

beelzebub, mammon, lucifer

:) ! first post back!! (rest of the brothers coming later)

🧋MALE MC🧋

Lucifer is a very attentive demon, despite being busy with his nose shoved in a stack of papers around the clock

He really does find you wonderful, both just to relax with and to admire.

And he’s known that you piqued his interest ever since you appeared before him in the stuco room. And this is LUCIFER. He normally doesn’t give any human a second glance. Unless ur some powerful and dangerously talented sorcerer with white hair 🤧but that aside

Tonight, he gets a break from Diavolo’s workload because there is yet another ball being held at the castle.

He sprays a faint but expensive cologne on his skin, quietly hoping that you would like and comment on it so he could respond with some flirty line. That would be nice, he thinks.

Then, he’s taking long strides leading out of his bedroom, and heading over to yours beside the kitchen, where he hears his siblings bickering over the best fruit.

He knocks on the door first, waiting for a response that never comes. He only hears your favorite song from within.

He calls your name, only becoming more confused the longer the silence grows

When he pushes open the door, he’s nearly relieved to see you standing in front of the body mirror, fixing the the collar of your outfit. You turn to look at him offer a smile. “Hey, Luci. You’re punctual, as usual.”

He hums under his breath in response. A silent “i know”. He pads over to you, placing a hand on your hip affectionately. “You look good enough to eat, handsome. Asmodeus may have his moments but he certainly knows how to dress anyone with anything.”

You look at your own eyes in the reflection, not able to respond entirely. Lucifer means well, you’re sure of it. He doesn’t know that the past hour of preparation for the ball was spent scowling at the parts of you that you could never quite enjoy entirely.

Lucifer looks questioningly at your expression from the mirror. “y/n? Is something the matter?”

At that, you snap back to reality and look back at him. “Huh? Oh... Right— Sorry, I just,” you trail off, at a loss for words. Was this the right time to mention your thoughts, before a ball? “It’s nothing, just lost in my thoughts, I suppose.”

Lucifer’s eyebrows knit in the way that they tend to do when he worries. “Mind sharing? I’d love to sit and listen.” His hands slide around your waist until he’s hugging you, and you catch a whiff of his cologne which makes you melt. Once again you wonder if this relationship was something you deserved.

“Luci...”

“Don’t give me that, lovely. I said I’d like to listen, no?” As you turn your head away, he takes the opportunity to rest his head on the crook of your neck.

You sigh, smiling hopelessly. You hate to admit it, but his response makes you feel jittery on the inside. “It’s silly really, I just wasn’t feeling myself just now. The clothes are amazing! But...” You know exactly what you’ll say next, but the words feel venomous in your mouth. “I’m wondering if Asmodeus understands how wasteful it is to put them on me, you know?”

Lucifer is at a loss, and his heart aches at your words. “Oh dear... Well that’s no good. I can’t have my gorgeous lover worrying himself over something that’s so far from the truth.”

You are already aware that Lucifer will always support you no matter what, and the thought is both heart warming and bothersome. “Yeah, yeah, Lucifer... I’ve heard it all alr-“

“Then what do you not understand?” Lucifer cuts you off promptly and confidently. “Do you really believe that I’d sugarcoat this? Anything?”

You swallow thickly. “N-... No. You wouldn’t...”

“Good. That’s a good response.” He places a sweet kiss on your cheek, ruby eyes flitting up to your own gaze in the mirror. “I’m almost afraid of other demons trying to steal you away in such a dashing outfit, to be honest. Enjoy yourself, but if any of my brothers try anything, I swear...”

You laugh a little, running a free hand through his hair and noting how he almost sinks into your touch. Almost like a cat. “Thank you, Lucifer. For everything.”

Lucifer kisses your hand softly. “You are perfection, darling.”

You look forward to slow dancing alongside the eldest brother now, losing yourself in the music. Lucifer was right, there was really nothing to worry yourself over.

Mammon, unfortunately, had to cancel date night plans for the weekend for a modeling gig.

You were disappointed, but not mad at him. He told you in advance, offered to make up for it, and usually tries his best to uphold his promises.

He offers to bring you with him, guilty at the thought of your alone in your room.

You don’t know whether to accept it or not. Would you fit in on a set full of gorgeous, picture-perfect demons?

Mammon has his hand on the back of his neck, nervous that you’re too angry at him to want to say yes.

To his delight, you smile and agree to go with him. Maybe, this way, he can avoid others flirting with him when they know that his boyfriend would be in the room.

At first, it makes you feel a little bit happier seeing Mammon light up with joy after seeing him pout like a puppy moments ago.

The day has come that you step onto the modeling floor. The photographers and staff know you well due to Mammon’s insistent bragging about you and your relationship. Clutching your D.D.D. anxiously, you make your way over to Mammon, who is already posing for a camera under bright studio lights.

You keep to the shadows as you watch him intently. Mammon is well known for his idiocy, but he is one handsome devil.

The evil snickering of two demons sound behind you, to which you ignore. You were too nervous to actually move, anyways.

Whatever... It doesn’t concern me... Right?

The giggles don’t stop, and you can’t help but listen in on their whispers. It sounds as if they purposely spoke louder than normal just to bother you.

“Look at how his eyes are shining... Obsessed with Mammon, much?” Oh boy. It really seems like they’re talking about...

“Let’s talk about those clothes, though... Are you kidding me... Does the human world really have that low of standards— or is this the bottom of the barrel.” At that, the two burst into a fit of cackles.

Luckily, a photographer hisses at them, irritated with the noise breaking his concentration. They quiet down, but continue to berate you in ways you had never even considered.

You’re sweating bullets now, itching to use your hand to wipe the oncoming tears of embarrassment. You blink them away, and don’t notice that your boyfriend is now finished with his shoot.

You tense upon seeing him speaking to the camera tech. Your heart nearly jumps out of your throat. The last thing you needed was him seeing you cry right now. He’d be worried sick.

Not even bothering to excuse yourself, you slip into the bathroom and can only focus on the laughter of the other demons behind you. The sound causes you to shake slightly as you shut the door behind you.

There is more than one stall, so you briefly worry that someone would come in and find you bawling your eyes out in the middle of a semi-professional setting. You sigh heavily and turn the sink on to wash your face.

The more you stood in front of the sink rubbing your face, the more vividly you remember the rude comments made about you. Could they have been true?

With a troubled look, you sneak a glance at yourself in the mirror.

You didn’t think that your clothes were particularly “bad”... They said so much, and it’s all coming back like a vicious and cruel tsunami.

No matter what you do, you can’t seem to stop crying.

“Oh y/n!!~ Where are ya’ at?” Mammon crashes through the door, hands on his hip with a toothy and closed-eye grin.

Thinking quickly, you reach over to grab a hand towel and press your face into it. “H-Hey, Mammon, you looked good out there...”

Mammon must have picked up on your wavering tone, because he pauses.

You’re frozen on the spot when he places a hand on your shoulder, although you can’t see him through the towel.

“Uhh... What’s up with you? Don’t tell me that you’re...” It’s too late to react when he pushes the towel aside to find your teary eyes.

“Wh-What?!” His heart drops immediately. “What’s wrong babe?! Are you like... I dunno hurt or something?!”

You exhale shakily, still trying to calm yourself. “Those models out there are just... A little too honest about me, I s-suppose... But it’s really fine. I just... I don’t know... I guess I just needed a minute to... Freak out a little?”

“Honest? What the hell do you—“ A sudden feeling of recognition pulled at his features. Truth be told, he knew those demons personally, having worked with them before. Then the guilt of knowing exactly what happened began to eat away at him. “Oh...”

You shifted, wishing that he would drop the subject. This was getting much too embarrassing to bear, and the way his eyes drooped with sadness made your stomach churn. “Mammon. I-I’m serious, I’m okay—“

Mammon’s arms surround you like a sturdy, calming veil.

“I know you’re not, y/n!” Mammon had no desire to listen to you pretend to act unbothered. “I don’t know what they’ve told you, but I can guarantee that I have been given comments just as bad as those- and I’m The Mammon.”

You grip onto his shirt, avoiding making eye contact with him. “But... That’s the thing Mammon. I’m not nearly as confident or perfect as you.”

Mammon holds you tighter, voice softening drastically. “Don’t you think that’s exactly what I think of you when you comfort me on my bad days?”

A pool of warmth starts to seep from the depths of your chest. And your furrowed brows start to relax. “Really..? You mean it?”

“y/n, you are precious to me, and all of my crazy ass brothers. And there is no way in hell that I’ll allow some scum of the world get in the way of realizing how flawless you are.”

Beel wants nothing more than to spend every second of the day with you. And Belphie.

But unfortunately, most of his time is spent in the gym, if not the kitchen.

So he asks you if you would like to start working out with him at the gym, or even if you were just interested in hanging around and nothing more. He just wanted your presence.

The idea itself made your heart swell. But after a bit of thinking, you weren’t so sure. You’ve never been to a gym in Devildom before, but you were sure it wasn’t very different from human gyms.

It would be filled with confident and toned bodies that would put you down without even trying.

And as much as you wanted to be there with Beel, you weren’t ready for the prospect of the nasty looks you’d receive sitting beside the sixth-born who is a perfectly sculpted athlete.

After all, he seemed a bit too good for you, as it seemed in your head.

Beel wonders why you turned him down. Had he done something to upset you?

He’d have to get down to the bottom of it, lest he regret ignoring your behavior.

To do this, he takes a day off from the gym, thinking that the answer to this situation would be to spend time together. Smiling to himself, he clutches a bag of sweets to his chest.

y/n has got to love this, he thinks excitedly.

Knocking once, he can barely keep himself from barging in and tearing into his baked goodies. “y/n, I’m here. Wanna share these cookies with me? There’s also pound cake and cupcakes... The mini ones with enchanted apples on them.”

His smile falls a little when there’s a long note of silence. “y/n?” He questions.

“Oh! Uh... Sorry, Beel... Maybe another day. I’m studying for that final right now.” Beel knows you sound sincere, but something about this response seems off.

His heart sinks a little, feeling a little embarrassed after being rejected. He hadn’t expected this.

“Ah... Are you sure?”

“...”

There’s a silence from the other side of the door, and the sixth born starts to genuinely worry.

Truth be told, you had been weeping alone looking through images of famous demon athletes that advertised the same gym that Beel attended regularly. It was a dangerous thing to do, but how could you look away?

You take a glance at yourself in the mirror. your eyes were barely puffy. A bit red too. But overall, nothing seemed very different. Maybe— Just maybe, he wouldn’t even notice.

“Hello? You in there?”

You stiffen at the sound of his voice.

“Coming!” Hopping to your feet, you rush to the door and open it.

“Oh man, I was starting to get antsy smelling this bag... Let’s hurry and dig in.” His eyes are trained on the food in his hands, and his mouth is watering.

“Oh, Beel... You have some drool again!” You lightly scold him and wipe the corner of his mouth with a napkin from the table right beside the door.

At that, he finally gets a good look at you.

“Oh, thank y—... ou...” He trails off instantaneously. “Your eyes...”

You sigh and bow your head sheepishly. “Agh... I should’ve known you’d catch me. It’s not anything serious, I just was... I was watching a sad movie is all.”

His eyebrows knit together. “So were you studying or watching a movie?”

He caught me.

He pushes forward, closing the door behind him and taking your hands in his. He leaves the bag abandoned on the floor.

“y/n... What’s been up with you lately? You’re seriously not yourself.”

Your face flushes, and you sigh. Your throat suddenly feels tight. “Uh... That’s...”

He’s noticed this entire time. I’m an idiot.

“Listen, Beel...” You squeeze his hand. “I’ll tell you because I know that if I don’t, you’ll be worried sick.”

He nods hurriedly, heart rate increasing.

“I guess I just...” The words struggle to make their way out. “I don’t understand how-how someone like you; handsome, kind, and strong could end up with...” You pause, starting to tear up. “With someone like me.”

Beel takes a moment to process your situation.

And when he does, his head starts to spin, and his heart feels heavy like a boulder.

“y/n... What are you even thinking?” Is all he manages to whisper. He pulls you into a tight, comforting hug and sniffles.

“Beel—“

“You mean literally more to me than anything or anyone else.” He says firmly. “I don’t know what part of you you’re so hung up on, I couldn’t even imagine there being any reason to be.”

“You don’t have to—“

“I do.” He cuts you off firmly. If he didn’t, you may try to deny his definite truth. “y/n, I know i’m all about food and training... I’m sorry I don’t know how to make you realize how wonderful you are.

But I’d like to learn that with you. Is that okay?”

Your tears finally fall, soaking through his tank top.

“Of course... I’d love that.”

#obey me beel #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me male reader #obey me headcanons #obey me swd #om

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canyousonicme · 4 years ago

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“Certain actors have a reputation for being difficult. I don’t want to be one of those people”. - Alex Kingston

 INTERVIEW: The Sunday Post

 It comes as no surprise to Alex Kingston that her daughter has decided to follow in her footsteps, despite her best efforts to temper her acting ambitions.

The actress fell pregnant with Salome, now 19, when she was playing surgeon Elizabeth Corday on the long-running US medical drama ER in the ’90s.

Alex’s pregnancy was written into the script and Salome, whose father is German writer Florian Haertel, was just weeks old when she joined the cast as Elizabeth and Dr Mark Greene’s baby girl.

Now, two decades on, mother and daughter are working together again, this time in a Doctor Who spin-off audio drama, The Diary Of River Song. Now in its eighth series, it focuses on the Time Lord’s brilliant wife, the poetically named River Song, whom Alex has played on the TV show since 2008. Salome, meanwhile, plays the part of her synthetic humanoid companion, Rachel.

Alex said: “My daughter was in my belly on ER then played the role of our baby girl Ella Greene. She’s secretly always had the desire to act, but I was always adamant that she finished her education first.

“Salome plays a character who River Song meets up with occasionally and they have adventures together. Working with my daughter has been terrific fun. I am super-impressed with her. She is incredibly professional.”

Alex with daughter Salome

For the past year Alex and Salome have been isolating together at her London home, alongside Alex’s third husband, television producer Jonathan Stamp. The pair married in an intimate Italian ceremony in 2015, and Salome was a bridesmaid.

They are joined by Alex’s German-born mother, Margarethe, who sadly suffers from dementia. It sounds like a potentially stressful set-up but Alex has cherished the unexpected extra family time lockdown gifted her.

Alex, who celebrated her 57th birthday a few days after the first lockdown was announced last March, said: “My daughter had arrived from New York and decided she wanted to live with us. Then my mother, who has dementia, suffered two strokes early on in lockdown and she moved in as well. So I was her carer.

“It was an amazingly special time. And I cherish it. Particularly with my mother, because I wouldn’t have had that opportunity otherwise.”

Like the rest of us, Alex has relied heavily on streaming services to keep her entertained during the long days spent at home. She even broke her self-imposed rule of not watching her own stuff on screen.

She said: “We did all the usual things, massive clear-outs, and of course binge-watched TV. I loved Schitt’s Creek, Call My Agent, Bridgerton and Luther. I can’t bear to watch myself on the television. However, I started watching ER, because it was streaming on Channel 4. I look at myself and it’s like I am watching someone else. It’s such a good show, and it’s really held up!”

She added: “As much as everyone is saying this is the year that they want to forget, I actually feel it’s a year one can never forget. It certainly wasn’t an easy time. However, I have much stronger memories of the year, and of the patterns of the year than I have ever had pre-pandemic, when there was always so much rushing around.”

Alex in 1994 with fellow ER cast members (l-r) Anthony Edwards, Eriq La Salle, Goran Visnjic, Noah Wyle

Alex began her career at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art, where she met her first husband, Skyfall actor Ralph Fiennes. They were together for 10 years before marrying in 1993. Two years later, Alex was left bereft when Fiennes left her after an alleged affair with a co-star. The London-born actress has barely stopped working since she first appeared on UK screens in 1980, as Jill Harcourt on the iconic children’s series Grange Hill. She continued to find success in UK dramas including Upstairs Downstairs, and The Fortunes And Misfortunes of Moll Flanders.

She first appeared in the fourth series of Doctor Who alongside David Tennant in 2008. Alex thought it was a one-off but has reprised the role in 15 episodes between 2008 and 2015.

It’s thanks to her Doctor Who appearances and, more recently, Sky’s hit supernatural drama, A Discovery Of Witches, that she has become known to a new generation of fans.

During her long and successful career, Alex has never been afraid to call out sexism in the industry. When she was dropped from ER aged 41, after seven seasons, she accused producers of ageism. saying “Apparently, I, according to the producers and the writers, am part of the old fogies who are no longer interesting.”

Then, when she auditioned for the role of Lynette Scavo on Desperate Housewives which eventually went to Felicity Huffman, she says she was turned away for being too curvy.

Although vocal about the challenges that face women, she admits she has seen positive changes in attitudes towards female talent in recent years.

She says: “When I was working on ER, I thought that I wasn’t allowed to get pregnant, I didn’t want to offend the producers as that is not what they had intended. I thought that I would have to ask permission. It was Anthony Edwards, who played my on-screen husband, who said ‘Don’t be ridiculous, don’t wait for them to allow you, you are not that important. If you want to have a child, go and have a child, and they will find a way to work round you.’ So I took his advice.

“I grew up with this notion that one had to be polite and always ask for permission. Whereas this generation don’t. They just get up and do it. The lovely and talented Teresa Palmer, whom I work with on A Discovery of Witches, is constantly popping out babies. Production just work around her. And it’s great, I admire her very much for that.”

Alex in ER

Alex puts her staying power down to being in the right place at the right time – and being nice to people, though she says theatre will provide her with a safety net should the TV work dry up one day.

She said: “Being as versatile as possible helps. I’m up for anything as long it is written well.

“I had a formal training. My first love is theatre. Having that as a backbone will always support me. In an industry that will favour youth more, theatre is always there. In order to succeed on the stage you have to have had good solid training and know how to handle your voice.

“Also, being a nice person counts for a lot. If you were difficult you would get a reputation. Of course there are actors who are extremely difficult and tiresome to work with, and there will come a point at which you think is it worth it? I don’t want to be one of those people.”

Despite her time-travelling credentials Alex has no idea what the future holds but still harbours a dream of being a Bond Girl (though obviously not one who falls for the smooth-talking spy).

She laughs: “I would love to be a villain in a James Bond movie, the real villain, the main one. Because they’ve never had a female villain. And I want to be a villain who does not find James Bond sexy at all. And doesn’t succumb to his charms, I want to be his real nemesis.”

Time for a return to Tardis?

Alex alongside Peter Capaldi in Doctor Who

From ER to the Tardis, Alex’s career to date has been distinguished by roles opposite fictional doctors, whether medical or time-travelling.

The smash-hit hospital drama which made her a star in the ’90s famously launched the Hollywood career of a certain George Clooney. Then in 2008, Alex won a new generation of fans as the wife of Doctor Who.

Because the Doctor transmutates over time Alex, as River Song, gets several leading men for the price of one. Alex said: “Essentially my character is the same, so there’s continuity there, and the fun is interacting with someone who is essentially the same man, but in a different skin and with a different energy.”

Perhaps the least lucky man in the role was Matt Smith.

Alex explained: “One of the most memorable parts of filming was when I flew through the universe, got caught in the Tardis and kneed Matt Smith, who was playing the Doctor at the time, in a sore place by mistake. There were a few tears of laughter from me and cries of pain from him.”

Speculation is rife among fans that Alex will return to the Whoniverse, if the incumbent Time Lord Jodie Whittaker steps down. All Alex will say is: “My Tardis door is always open…” [x]

#Alex Kingston #Salome Haertel #River Song #Doctor Who #Kingston Edit #ER #NEW #Interview #2021 #The Sunday Post #New

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