#the sad thing is that i have so much more to say about Aro

[scattered-winter]

the funny thing about being aro is that I am genuinely afraid of being alone for the rest of my life, but if anyone even STARTS to imply that it's because I'm never gonna have a joyful and fulfilled life without a romantic partner it makes me so mad I see red

[aptericia]

Not proud to be here.

--

Ok, here goes draft like 5 of this fucking post. I spent 4 hours tossing and turning in bed last night thinking about this, and then this morning I found a tumblr post that really helped me understand what I was trying to say.

The post talks about how aromantic "advocates" claim that "aros don't take up resources, so there's no reason not to include them!" And if that's actually what people believe, I think I can finally articulate why it is that I feel so alienated in queer spaces.

It's because aspecs in general aren't "welcomed" by much of the queer community. We're tolerated. We perhaps get the luxury of not being contradicted on our own identities, or not being specifically kicked out of LGBTQ-only spaces, but that's the whole point: what we get out of the queer "community" is people NOT doing things, not actually doing things FOR us. And that, frankly, is not enough. We deserve conversations about us. We deserve to have others consider our feelings, even when making lighthearted jokes. We deserve varied, respectful representation in media. We deserve the active deconstruction of amatonormativity in society. We deserve to have space made for us, rather than at most being told we should "go take up more space!" ourselves.

Of course, the reality is that my being aspec is a personal matter that does not inherently affect anyone else. But the same can be said for literally any queer identity. Your being gay doesn't say anything about me, so of course I shouldn't hurt you for it, but why should I help you either? Because your happiness and comfort are important. The same goes for aspecs.

And most of the time, I don't even need anyone to make space for or expend resources on me; I can live fine in everyday, non-queer-specific places without mentioning my identity at all. But it's the queer community that claims it will make that space for me, doesn't, and then acts defensive and morally pure if I call out the hypocrisy because "we're queer too, you can't erase our identities to advocate for yours!!!!"

Again, this post isn't about specifics. I have queer friends who are incredibly thoughtful and supportive about my identity, just as I have non-queer friends who are. I find more solidarity in aspec-only communities, as well as trans/genderqueer ones, although there are still many exceptions. This post is also not about amatonormative ideology, which is extremely common from queer and non-queer people alike. This post is about the reason I've felt so betrayed by the queer community.

--

On a personal note, I remember being so excited when I started identifying as aromantic (and later asexual). Fitting myself into labels has been a lifelong struggle for me; to this day I still can't confidently say if I'm White or PoC, neurotypical or neurodivergent, abled or disabled, cisgender or not cisgender. I continue to struggle making friends because I don't fall into social cliques. To discover that I officially, certainly, was LGBTQ+ lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. And now I'm just so sad to find that despite that, I'm still stuck in the middle. I didn't get rewarded with a community. I still feel alienated from both queer and non-queer people. I know it was silly to get my hopes up when there's such vast diversity in both groups, but it really was a disappointment. Going to my first Pride parade last year was really the moment where I realized this.

[yannig]

Another thing I really like about Koisenu Futari, is how it exemplifies the ways amatonormativity also impacts allo people.

When Sakuko’s sister Minori gets proof that her husband is cheating on her (after actively investigating to make sure).

She’s still hesitant to divorce him.

Not because she still loves him (that doesn’t come up even once).

Not because he is a great husband beyond the cheating (the screaming match about how she was the only one taking care of their daughter shows pretty clearly that he wasn’t pulling his weight).

Not even because it’s a lot harder to raise two kids on her own (tough it is mention in passing - did I mention she’s 9 months pregnant at that point? and then promptly goes into labor?).

Not even really what society is going to say about her (even tough it would be completely justified, especially in Japan).

But because she’s terrified of being alone.

And then again while she's in labor

In that way, she mirrors Sakuko’s own fear of loneliness.

And of course, she associates being single with being lonely. Because amatonormativity.

She verbalizes the relationship elevator: getting married, having a child, buying a house, another child. She calls it "a game of adulthood".

But while she comes to the conclusion that she failed at this "game of adulthood", she doesn't really get to the conclusion that it's bullshit.

Even with her sister's example right in front of her, she has trouble imagining happiness outside of marriage.

Most likely because she still sees Sakuko and Takahashi's relationship as abnormal, and therefore reserved to abnormal people. So she can't apply their example of being happy outside of marriage to herself yet. Not when she's tried to hard to be the perfect normal woman.

But no matter if Minori believes it or not, single doesn't have to mean lonely, which Sakuko proves immediately by promising to always stand by her sister's side.

And then Sakuko meets Takahashi’s ex Haruka, who explains that she moved to the countryside after their break-up, and then started up her (now very successful) farm.

Sakuko’s reaction is to say it was then a blessing in disguise

To which Haruka thanks her, saying that most people are just sad for her because she’s “old” (around 40) and still single, even tough she’s perfectly happy as is.

She’s a really good illustration that:

amatonormativity impacts everyone who strays out of it, it doesn't matter if you're aro or allo

you don’t need to be aro to be happy outside of amatonormativity’s expectation

And in that way, I feel like that makes her an optimistic answer to Minori’s concerns about loneliness.

(And then of course there is Kazu-kun, but there is so much to say about him, he'll get his own post.)

I really liked that the shows takes the time to talk about those experiences, because it makes amatonormativity much more real. It is a systemic issue, so of course it impacts everyone.

And I think we've all had discussions like this, where other people's own internalized amatonormativity also completely invalidated our experiences.

So it was great to see it explored so clearly here.

(also this has nothing and everything to do with it, but the fact that in the credit, Minori is called by her husband's name. I don't think it's used in the show itself but. You know. All of a woman identity depending on her husband. All that.)

[loveswrites]

Omg I loved ur poly volturi!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ I'm pleading for more!

Uno~ Poly Volturi x reader

Time it took me: I can't even tell you that hell a month? 26 days?

Word count: 1454

To lovely anon: I so happy you loved it! Sorry I took so long I'm trying to get back into my self! Your guys asks always make my day! Just cause I haven't answered doesn't mean That I haven't seen it! I love just about everyone that comes in! <3

Enjoy!

Poly Volturi x Reader

"That's just stupid." Alec said huffing looking at the table in distaste.

"You have to draw four. That's the rules." You Said shrugging.

You, Alec, Jane, Felix and Demetri were currently playing Uno. It took a while convincing everyone to play. Sure you live in a huge castle with the love of your lives but you are still human. You get bored. While Felix was down to play immediately the others were disinterested in playing with you. You got responses like "That's foolish, I have much better things to do, my love." From Caius.

A simple "No." From Jane.

"I'm sorry but I'm busy right now, beautiful." From Demetri.

"It sounds like a waste of time." From Alec.

You even asked Aro and Marcus. Marcus just straight up said he was too old for that shit in so many words. And Aro said he was too hungry to play games but maybe later. 

All the rejection from everyone put you in a sad mood. It's not like you could have friends in the Castle that wouldn't eat you the moment you get a paper cut. The receptionist is a bitch. And there aren't any more humans you have access to. So the fact that everyone said no you were distant with everyone. They all noticed.

You stopped going to trails with Caius. You stopped attempting to give Jane love. You stopped asking Alec to use his powers so you'd be entertained by the dark fog. You stopped asking Felix for piggyback rides. You stopped attempting to play hide and seek with Demetri. 

It had been days since you spoke more than 2 words at a time to any of them. You knew it was affecting them because of the tension that rested upon the castle in a thick fog. They were quick to temper. Quicker than normal that is. And that's saying a lot. 

Marcus had asked you why you hadn't been to any of the trials lately. As it happened to be one of your favorite parts of the day. "I just haven't been in the mood." You told him. He's been on this godforsaken earth way too long to be able to know when to call bullshit. But nonetheless the less he let it go. 

After that you noticed that your love's would attempt to talk to you more. Not just brushing it off as human attitude as Caius would call it. It was small talk but it was an effort.

"Yes I'm fine Demetrius stop asking me." You huffed slightly irritated.

"Did you eat today?" He questioned a little squint in his eyes.

"Yes I eat everyday." You rolled your eyes, gathering the book you were reading from the cold castle floor you were sitting on.

There was the random corner in the Castle that you would just sit in and watch as people- vampires walked through the halls. It had a lot of traffic coming through it which was what you loved. Cauis had offered to have something built for you so you wouldn't have to sit on the floor all the time. But you would always shake your head and tell him "No, just keep it clean for me please." And so he did.

"I fed today. The humans blood was a bit bitter but nonetheless tasty." Demetrius said following you in your attempts to run away from the conversation. 

"You sound like a child."

"And yet here you are acting like one." He snapped.

"I'm sorry?" You said, stopping in your tracks turning to face him.

"You've had this horrible attitude for almost a week for the stupidest thing!" He stated staring at you with his sharp eyes.

"I have not!" You said in attempts to defend yourself.

"Yes you have, don't bother denying it, the whole castle can smell it!" He yelled.

"The lies you tell!" You practically screamed upset you were getting called out.

"Oh really?" Demetrius questioned before you could even blink he had grabbed you by your waist and next you knew you were in a room full of all your mates.

Once you finally felt your two feet touch the ground you couldn't help but get angry. 

"What the fuck is this an intervention?!" You screamed. 

“If that’s what you want to call it, then so be it.” Jane said in a straightforward tone.

“Oh my god what do you guys want?! I just want to be left alone but you all keep bothering me!” You yelled.

“Us bothering you? You were practically begging for attention a couple of days ago now you want to be left alone? Foolish!” Caius yelled, taking you back a bit.

He would yell but he would refrain from yelling at you the best he could. So him yelling at you right now kinda shocked you.

“You wanted to play that card game the other day right? That was when you started acting like such a brat, so we're going to fix that and play it.” Alec stated holding his head high.

“No thanks, I'm good on that.” You said going to turn around to walk away.

“Sit down!” Your mates yelled collectively making you stop in your tracks.

“Sit down please, I’ll shuffle the cards to start.” Felix said in a softer tone.

That was about an hour ago. To not even wanna be sitting here right now it was quite entertaining watching your mates fight with each other about the fact that another was kicking the others ass. 

“I will do no such thing. I've drawn four four times!” Alec yelled, upset he was losing.

“It’s the rules of the game you have to Alec.” Jane said, rolling her eyes at her brother's temper. She was just happy she was winning. For now..

You were all sitting at a grand dining room table. Well Alec, Jane, Felix, Caius and Demtruis were. You were actually sitting on the table. Caius put you up there in attempts to make it harder for you to run away if you tried. 

You did.

You almost hit your head on the way down. 

“I don’t see the appeal of such a game, the cards don’t make sense.” Cauis said busy reading the rules that were on the back of the box.

“Don’t look at my hand! That’s an immature thing to do!” Dem yelled at Felix who kept leaning over to see what cards Dem had in his hand.

You had won the first round so you were busy spectating.

“Immature!? It’s not like we're taking a test!” Felix yelled back, plopping down in his seat.

“You're trying to cheat!” Dem yelled back furrowing his eyebrows.

“Cheat?! I am no cheater! Tell him Amore mio!” Felix said, turning to face you.

“You were cheating, I saw you.” You said blandly.

“Your human eyes don’t under the actions of mine-”

“Her human eyes are perfectly fine!” Dem yelled coming to your defense.

Tuning yourself out of the conversation-well the constant bickering. You found yourself just watching your mates. All were yelling or frowning about something but you couldn’t help the smile that came to your face. Neither of them could stand human games. They hated it with the most of them. Minus video games Alec, Felix and Dem said that those don’t count. Though you always tell them they do, they insist that they don’t. A fight you could never win. 

All of your mates came together to do one simple thing that you’ve wanted to do for months. Once they saw how much the disconnection to just one human thing hurt you, They came together to try to make you feel wanted and seen. Though they can’t see the appeal at all there trying for you. And that’s all you could ever ask for. 

“That’s not four Alec!” You yelled when you saw him try to cheat his way into just grabbing two cards.

“Oh come on! I’m never going to win!” Alec yelled back.

“Not my problem.”

“Maybe winning is just not in your line of blood.” Cauis said with a slight smirk. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Jane and Alec said at the same time turning their sharp red eyes at Caius.

“I mean-”

“Nope! Nope! Draw two more cards Alec I’ll help you win!” You rushed out attempting to try to keep the peace. Well as much peace as it was going to get in the room.

“That’s not fair!”

“I need help as well, I deserve it!”

“So were picking favorites now?!”

“Felix, stop looking at my cards!”

“You can’t pick sides!”

You can’t even lie to yourself you had missed them so much. And the smile on your face told no lies.

[the-dawn-star]

Hii!! Can you do Jane x reader where she’s Jane’s mate but still human. One day some important information gets leaked out and everyone in the volturi thinks the reader leaked the info. (Aro can’t read her mind) So they question her for a long time and when she still says that she didn’t do it they make Jane torture her with her power. As Jane is torturing her someone walks in and says that she didn’t do it. By the time Jane stops the reader is passed out. Everyone and mostly Jane regrets what they’ve done. The reader doesn’t wake up for a few days and Jane is in absolute sorrow. And when she finally wakes up she doesn’t even look Jane in the eyes bc of the betrayal she feels. Just a lot of angst yk:))) Buuut they make up in the end. Thank youuu🫶🏻

A/N: Hi and first of all love this idea. I kind of made this longer than intended and I left it guite open ended but I hope you like it and you don't mind I changed it a bit. Once again Jane is the movie version of the character!!!

-S

+800ish words.

CW: I mean Jane tortures Reader. Heavy angst.

Your relationship had been a struggle for a long time. You were still a human and now you were moved to Volterra to live with the vampire royalty. It was all so much, but so was your blossoming love for Jane. Your dear Jane. Jane whose main priority in life was protecting the kings and working. It was all that she had ever known, and you couldn’t even blame her for that. But Jane had started to open up to you as time went on. She talked to you about the most mundane things in her life but in truth you could have listened to her for hours.  

Aro hadn’t loved the idea of Jane finding her mate. He was so protective of the girl that he had found hundreds of years ago. And you didn’t make this protectiveness any easier. Quickly Aro had found out that his powers didn’t work on you. Reason for this wasn’t clear but after a bit of convincing Aro accepted you to move to Volterra to get to know Jane better.  

“My love...” Jane had the voice of an angel and that was the only thing that could wake you up from your sleep without making you pissed off.  

You let out a non-committal groan and opened your eyes.  

“I’m sorry but I need to go to work. There has been a problem...” Jane being evasive made you sit up in worry.  

“What’s wrong?”  

“I can’t talk about it yet, just stay here until I get back, okay?”�� 

You didn’t have time to answer until your mate had left the room leaving you alone on the cold bed.  

With a bit of hesitation, you laid back down and slowly fell back asleep.  

~~~ 

You woke up with your room door being slammed open. Two guards that you didn’t know walked in and didn’t give you any time before ripping you from the bed and dragged you out of the room.  

You begged for some sort of explanation. Anything that made you understand why you were being dragged to the lower levels of the castle... The levels where you weren’t allowed to go. The levels where Jane had to work sometimes, leaving her exhausted as a vampire can be.  

You were thrown into a small simple room, with a tiny table, chair and a bed, if you could call a mattress with a pillow a bed.  

It was a while before you saw anyone but when you finally saw a person you didn’t assume it would be Jane. Your dear Jane.  

“Jane! My love! What’s going on?!” You asked, hurrying to the door trying to reach your love.  

“Don’t..., I know what you did.”  

The love that you had come so used to was gone from her eyes. Her eyes were pooling with venom and her eyes were dark and sad.  

“What are you talking about?” You asked while feeling the anxiety rising up to the surface.  

“Don’t play dumb! You were the only one I told about the plans! Aro was read everyone's minds already! It has to be you so just admit it please!” 

Jane’s yells bounced off the walls and for the first time looking at her you didn’t see your love. You saw a terrified and angry young woman, who could case you more pain than you could ever imagine. Was this what most people saw when looking at your mate? Danger? Pain?  

“Are you talking about the Romanians? Is this all about that!”  

Jane had told you about Aro’s plan to kill the rest of the Romanian coven, but all the details she had told you were now erased from your mind by time.  

“Yes, it is, so just confess!” Your normally calm Jane, she was panicking.  

You didn’t have anything left to say. You were confused, scared, angry..., alone. Your only ally in the castle, your dear Jane, had left you.  

“Okay..., if that’s what you want...,” Jane’s words were ominous, and your stress level rose to the roof.  

Then the pain started. The pain that Jane had promised you would never feel. The blinding, fiery pain. You couldn’t feel your body anymore, it was just pain. Until it all went away... 

~~~ 

You finally opened your eyes. You woke up back in your bed and for a second it all seemed like a bad dream. You took a deep breath letting yourself sink into the mattress. But your peace was interrupted when you took a look around the room. 

Jane was curled into a corner of the room, eyes glued to you. Her sad eyes. Her black eyes pooled with venom.  

You couldn’t look at her, not right now at least, so you got up from the terribly comfortable bed and walked straight to the bathroom locking it behind you.  

You looked like death. Tired and angry, but you couldn’t do anything about that just yet.  

“I’m really sorry..., you have to believe me, my love. We really thought that it was you...” Jane’s words behind the door didn’t make you feel any better. And to make sure you didn’t lash out you stayed quiet. You had all the right to be quiet after screaming your throat raw.

~~~

Feel like you want to support me via Kofi? No preasure tho!

[mahnamahnadubididu]

Heartstopper s3 aro and ace rep

(Spoiler alert)

I fucking loved this season. It's incredible that all the important themes were touched. But I wanna talk about the aro/ace representation this season

I'm so glad there was aro/ace rep throughout the season. Isaac means so much to me and I know it will mean so much to many people too. I love that Isaac wasn't afraid to say what he felt and thought. Being aro/ace can feel so isolating even in a queer-friendly environment (and we know that in this world straight people are in danger of extinction in this universe). I think is really necessary and empowering to watch him stand up for himself and see his friends really listen to him and change.

I loved that he wasn't a walking encyclopedia, teaching everyone around him what aro/ace means, which is why a lot of aro ace people don't come out. Seeing Charlie educate himself and generally care about Isaac really touched me deep inside.

One detail that I really appreciate is that the use aromantic and asexual as different terms, which is super important and a lot of the time people assume is the same thing.

Also, that last look that Isaac gave Tori... I'm really excited to see what's next.

I know they did not include the ferris wheel scene, and I was a bit sad because I really like that scene but I hope they're saving this storyline for later, because it seems like the timeline is a bit different than Solitair and the books, and if Michael and Tori are just getting to know each other I get that Alice and the crew don't want to rush things.

I think I have watched more aro/ace representation in this single Heartstopper season than in my whole life. And I think this should really make us question our reality and media consumption.

[unnecessarilygrandiose]

this is something important about heartstopper that i think needs to be said, to aspec people specifically:

please be kind to isaac and the aroace representation we'll get come thursday.

aroace rep is something we get very rarely, especially on the screen. i can think of exactly two shows with aroace characters, and one of them is heartstopper. so it's not unfair of us to hope that we each get to see our experience represented in isaac.

but like. that's simply not going to happen.

isaac is one character. he can only represent one kind of experience about what being aroace entails. and every single aspec person has had a different experience with realising their identity and coming to terms with it. everyone has a different relationship with the complexities of their sexuality and labels.

and y'know, it could be disappointing to expect something from a character you thought was representing you and see them be something very different. hell, i can bet anything that at least a few aspec people will be completely disillusioned with whatever we'll get.

but 'i didn't like this' doesn't automatically mean 'it was bad'. maybe it means that 'this didn't represent me, which was sad, but it did represent some people, and it was a cornerstone in aroace representation in mainstream media as a whole, which is good.'

(i mean, i'm not saying there's a zero chance it'll be objectively bad and harmful rep, but the chance of that is extremely low, since alice is aroace themself. also, loveless is an amazing book)

i feel compelled to say this because we know that it's going to be a while before isaac is comfortable with his identity, which can be upsetting to watch because the 'you can't be happy without romance and whole without sex' is pushed pretty hard onto us on a regular basis, and there's this sort of defensiveness where we kind of want any fictional aroace characters to be immediately accepting of themself because no, we're actually very happy and completely whole without those things, thank you very much. this was the main criticism of loveless by many aspec people— that it didn't represent them because georgia struggled so much with her identity.

but. just because you personally didn't have to face that (and good for you!) doesn't mean it's not a very real experience many aroace people go through every day.

just because our first mainstream media rep of being aroace isn't an easy, feel good story, doesn't mean it's not important.

be as disappointed with isaac as you want if he doesn't represent you—but please still be kind to him. if we're too harsh in our criticism, the creators who worked on this story might feel discouraged from creating more aroace characters and stories.

more aspec rep, especially aro and aroace rep, is important! more rep means more variety! it means a greater chance of all of us finding stories we love and resonate to! but if we don't get everything we want the first time, please let's not call it bad and demotivate the very people who can give us more.

[yandere-sins]

The Orcas’ Tale - Epilogue

Aye, that's the end of Nerrocan's story! I am happy and sad at the same time, I hope this last chapter from his pov will give you guys some of the answers you hoped for, and maybe create more questions that will be solved in the two sidestories with Lyr and Krill! Thank you all for participating in reaching this True End and I hope you guys had fun guessing (even though you always guessed right after the first chapter!) Thank you for all the support and encouragement sent my way throughout the story, and I hope you guys enjoy the last chapter ♥

Fandom: Original Content   Pairings: Yandere!Orca Mermen x GN!Reader   Warnings: Yandere, Sexual Content (Nerrocan being a bit horny in his thoughts but nothing actually happens, still lots of sex mentions), Violence (Threats, Description of killing others), Monsters, Blood mention, Gun mention, Dub-con touches/kisses, Animalistic behavior, Mention of claws/sharp teeth, Hinting at death, Long post

Mate.

That's the word the humans of this place told me when I asked them about this strange, burning feeling in my chest whenever I looked at you. Bubbles rose from my mouth as I kept saying it over and over, letting the sound of the word roll from my tongue, sweet and exhilarating as it mixed with the images of you I created in my head. Images of you smiling, laughing, sleeping on top of my chest. Your hands wandering, lips kissing, your body beneath mine. Even the dread of being captured, caught in a pool that could never compare to the vastness of the ocean, was no concern of mine when I thought of you, the pain in my body turning into your sweet and soft caresses with my imagination.

In a pod like the one I grew up in, the thought of two merfolks creating their own separate life was not one that was ever considered. Males returned from their breeding spree with other pods, back to theirs, their family, their place of belonging. We'd raise the children of our females, our family staying tight-knit and closed off to outsiders. A male would never bring back a partner to integrate and be the only one they loved. The only one they'd ever desire. It was selfish and wrong and brought risks to the pod, who could get sick or attacked because of the actions of one of their sons and brothers.

But the humans told me it was quite normal for my kind. Not the orcas, the mermaids. Sirens, that's what the humans called us, but they mixed up the description with mermaid ever so often. For fun? For practical uses? I didn't know. I didn't care. I didn't bring you back here, so I'd have to wreck my head around all the weird things you did. I carried you here because I remembered. Remembered others like me—sharks, whales, seals. So many of them, and all of them… happy. Content being held in these large but closed-off bodies of water, attended to by one of the humans in their slick garments and coats. Not at all bothered by the probing, painful experiments done to them as long as they got to rest in the arms of their mates. 

I still didn't understand it. But when I thought of you and called you my mate, knowing you were sitting just an arm's length from the edge of my pool, it was more freeing than escaping this facility back when my cousins and I had been captured. It felt right. Natural. It made no sense, but it made everything make sense. And I liked how it felt. I liked how you made me feel. I didn't care much about anything else, neither my past nor my future here, as long as you were with me.

At first, I had been hesitant around you, remembering the pain humans caused us, binding us and forcing us to sleep while they cut us open and injected weird poison into our bodies. I couldn't understand why my pod mates were so inclined to be around you, considering what the humans did to us, but now, it was almost as if I had forgotten their faces already, their actions of no concern to me.

Now I had you.

Swimming up to the edge of the pool, I reached out to you, my hand so easily fitting around your 'ankle'. Your lips quirked into a grin as you continued writing your report, and I slipped my finger below this strange yet comforting tight fabric you wore, tracing my claw along your 'calf'. You taught me all these words, and I didn't want to miss even one of them. I soaked up every vibration of your voice as if it was the calling whistles of my family, wishing to drown in the sounds you gifted me. After all this time, your 'wetsuit' became the most comforting feeling to me, but your skin's warmth was what excited me the most. You were alive; you were safe. I protected you. It's been all I ever wanted.

"When will you finish?" I asked, innocently enough as I found. Once I returned you to this place, you learned not to be so skittish around me, like a little fish hiding between corals whenever I approached you. I always knew I was stronger than you. You were prey where I was the hunter. You were no match to me, had no claws, no fangs, no poison to hurt me. But only when we spent more time out in the ocean and here, did I realize just how scary I was to you. Monstrous, even. You never said it out loud, but the silence whenever I hurt you accidentally while the humans experimented on me was more painful than any of your words could ever be. So I tried to be less like myself and more like you wanted me to be, even if that meant putting my wants and needs beneath yours. It had paid off, no matter the difficulty. 

You told me you didn't want to be interrupted while you did your studies, spending more hours leaning over your 'clipboard' than you did in the water with me. I wanted nothing more than to float through my tank with you; cared for nothing but you excitedly telling me about your finds and the strange food you had at the 'cafeteria' that day. Naturally, yours won over my wants, but being so close yet so far away from you was hard. If not for your skin getting 'pruney' and your body being so unsuitable to the water I needed, I'd have kept you in my arms all day—where you belonged.

"I'm almost done."

Almost. I hated that word. I wanted you now. In my arms, kissing the air into your lungs while I pinned you to the sandy floor of this pool. I learned a lot about myself after coming here, and one thing was: I wasn't a very patient male. Even when I needed to be, to make you, my mate, like me more, I couldn't banish these thoughts I had about you. They were partially influenced by my needs and wants, partly by the other humans who told me those cravings were natural. I needed to have you close, breathe your air, hear your voice, taste your lips to survive all of this. I wanted to be around you all the time, barely able to rest whenever you hid from me in your little 'cabin' next to my pool, closing the door that I didn't fit through and kept me outside. But I was wiser now than when I first had been captured. I knew I could make demands when I complied with the things these other humans wanted to do to me. They'd build me a home like the underwater cave, where I could live with you, nothing separating us and you having to rely on me to get in and out from. It would be our cave. A love nest. 

Letting myself slide back in the water, I pondered the wonders I'd been promised, my cock aching with need when I thought about making a family with you. Where I came from, there was no such thing as nesting and spending uninterrupted time mating with a partner. The thought of being tangled with you in our cave, covering you in my marks as you accepted my cock inside your warmth, was nothing short of breathing life back into me and testing my patience at the same time. We had yet to introduce the idea to you, but the other humans told me they'd make sure you'd finally accept the mate bond once they talked to you. So far, you called yourself my 'caretaker', and while I didn't dislike how it proclaimed me as yours, I wished you'd finally accept me as your mate like I had you. After all, it was me who was taking care of you—like I promised. 

I said I'd protect you, and though the experiments on my body hurt, I'd be happy as long as I got to be with you in return. And be with you I did, especially now that you put the clipboard away, your attention shifting to me. 

Immediately, I pushed out of the water and onto the metal grids spreading over parts of my tank so the humans could walk comfortably over my pool. You smiled softly as you scooted closer to the edge—closer to me—smelling like the sterile 'alcohol' everyone seemed to apply to their skin, but also of me, which I ensured by rubbing myself against you every chance I got. In the big ocean, you wouldn't notice the scent mark of another creature. You'd bite and carve your possession in clear view for others. But here, with everyone having a mate, the scentings were loud and clear. I, too, couldn't let any other creature here be mistaken about who you belonged to, even though they were all equally busy marking their own mates in the same way. 

I let you cup my face in your tiny hands, palms so small they could barely hold my cheeks, but it didn't repulse me. Unless I kept you in the water with me, your hands were warm and soft, your heartbeat pulsing so vigorously just below your thumb. Your touch could make anything better, be it the anxiety of being apart from you or the prodding needles and knifes cutting into me. As long as you were with me, there was nothing I couldn't endure. I just knew it. I knew it from the moment I tore the sharks limb from limb for daring to threaten you, ripping their hearts out for having the audacity to touch what was mine.

Wrapping my arms around your body, you chuckled as I drew you close, burying my head into your stomach and chest. Your heartbeat was my favorite sound, but the giggles almost sounded like purrs when I pressed my ear to your body. The differences between us were great, but I still found similarities if only I was given the time to look for them. I still didn't trust the humans and didn't have to like them. But I trusted you, and I did what I had to do to be with you. 

"Are you done now?" I mumbled, your hand combing through my hair while I nuzzled into you. You often brushed your hands through the strands, watched them float in the water, and played with them. It gave me a great feeling of satisfaction knowing you liked my hair. Liked me. We were simply meant for each other, considering how much I liked you too. 

"I am. Thank you for waiting," you confirmed, patting my head. My heart leapt at the gesture, so starved from only being allowed to watch you. I tightened my arms around you, ready to pull you into my tank and considering not letting you leave tonight. But before I could take you for a swim, your fingers clawed into my upper arms, and the dreadful screeching of the metal door leading out of my territory forced me to halt. 

"Professor!" you greeted the person entering our space uninvited, rudely interrupting my already limited time with you. I couldn't help but snarl at the man in the white coat, the very same one that had threatened you with death the first time you met him, the thought making me bare my teeth at him. I didn't have to like anyone of the other humans, but there was nothing to like about him in the first place for any of us. 

Anguish spread through me as you slipped out of my hold, getting to your 'feet' to greet the Professor. Disgruntled and shunned by you, I sank back into the water, watching the unnecessary closeness you two had developed over the last few weeks. Water splashed between your sets of feet as I couldn't help but thrash my tail, reminding the Professor to stay away from my mate. But it only caused you to whip around, hissing, "Nerrocan!" to remind me of my 'manners'. I knew he didn't fear me, and I knew I could easily kill him. But for the humans, he was in a position like Krill's mother had been to me. A leader. Someone they followed and trusted with decisions. Compared to my 'aunt', however, this male deserved none of my trust and loyalty. He neither earned it nor was I inclined to trust anything he said. He was faker than the sand at the bottom of the ocean.

"I've come to collect the research data from the last round of testing. Do you happen to have it on hand already?" he asked you, ignoring me and my attempts to signal him to stay away completely. Annoyed, bordering on mad, I had to watch as you retrieved your clipboard, humming thoughtfully as you went through the papers sticking to it before shaking your head. 

"I had them here somewhere, I swear! I must have accidentally left them in my room. Please wait a moment, I'll go and get them for you!"

With that, you quickly moved away, opening the door to your cabin and disappearing behind it. I was tempted to swim after you, already pushing my body in the direction of where you went and further into the pool, when the male called out to me.

"So, how are you finding your life here, Nerrocan?"

I could feel the growl building in my chest as he used my name so freely to annoy me. I'd have preferred it had he not addressed me at all, considering I was not up to chitchatting with anyone else but you—especially not with him.

"I take it you've gotten used to this place then," he monologued, looking up from your clipboard after reading your report. "We are delighted to have you, you know? Orcas have been eluding us for a long time, and the samples we've gotten from you have proven very successful for our research. I just wish we had another one here... You don't think one of your friends might want to join us?"

"They won't come," I snapped back instantly, already feeling like biting the Professor's throat out after this brief exchange. Human speech was hard enough to understand, but even I could tell his words were embellished attacks. He was nothing but greedy and had wanted me to spill the location of my pod from the very beginning. Whenever they did something to my body and my mind was hazy and unfocused, he'd take advantage and ask about the others and where to find them. Apparently, their 'trackers' were too old or broken to find my pod, but I wouldn't tell him their whereabouts, even though he was just as impatient as me. 

And no one would come, that much I was sure of.

I only realized it after coming back to this facility, but the others didn't remember. Not like I did, at least. What happened to their bodies either forced them to forget about this place and the way back here, or they were trying to forget to stay sane—at least Krill. Lyr had definitely changed after what they did to him. It had been a slow shift at first, his changes barely apparent. But as of late, something in him just… snapped. I didn't know the reason, but he seemed out of his mind most days without him even noticing. But I was pretty sure it was because of one of the experiments. And Krill seemed to pretend everything was fine for a while. We got away, and, once we returned to the pod, 'nothing happened'. But he must have realized it too that the three of us were clearly not the same anymore. That none of us could participate in the normal life in the pod, we were forced into again after our experience. 

But at least that meant they wouldn't come here. They wouldn't have to suffer again like I did.

The Professor's eyes narrowed, his expression telling despite him thinking he was unreadable. In reality, he hated being challenged. He didn't want to be questioned; he didn't want anyone to defy him. He was weak. A weak human male that could not deal with not being the most powerful in the room. And none of our kind—be it shark, seal, orca—had proven that point to him yet if only for the sake of their mates.

"You know, I'm surprised you brought your mate here," he suddenly said, his features sharpening after not getting the information he wanted from me. "There would have been a public beach just further north from here, barely half a day of swimming. Undoubtedly, you knew that?"

There it was again, an attack hidden beneath innocent questions. But this time, I couldn't help but dip lower into the pool, hide in the safety of my water, and consider leaving him standing there by himself. Then again, I couldn't trust him with you. You'd return any second now, and he had one of these 'guns' under his coat that could hurt you if I wasn't present to intervene. So I kept watching him, suspicious of his every move. 

"It's like…" he mused, bringing one hand to his face and tapping his chin thoughtfully. "Almost like you wanted to trap them here. After all, we wouldn't have let you and your friends go either had you not put up a fight and slipped from us. Perhaps you thought your mate wouldn't be able to leave you if you brought them here. That they'd need you like you need them, could that be it? You did it all while knowing they'd be imprisoned here with you and become unhappy, didn't you?"

A hideous, fake smile crossed his features, and it was almost enough to make me leap for him and tear his head from his shoulders. How dare he made such assumptions?! I'd have found great pleasure in crushing his skull and tearing that grin apart. "What do you know?" I hissed instead, baring my teeth. 

Humans didn't feel the mate bond. That's the first painful thing I learned here. A human male would never understand the suffocating feeling of being apart from his mate. He wouldn't know the fear and panic of letting them get out of your reach and how much any type of your mate's rejection hurt. How your mate's pain is your pain, just ten times as bad. On land, it would have only been a matter of time until I could no longer follow you. As big as the ocean was, the land reached far and wide, and it was I who was no longer suitable when it came to traverse it. He talked about your unhappiness, but you were allowed to study lifeforms you found interesting. You were protected by me and could pursue your interest without leaving me behind. Not being allowed to leave this place was the small price you had to pay in all of this. Smaller than what I had to endure for you. 

I did what you wanted. I brought you here as you asked me to. Back then, I didn't know how much my life had changed with you in it, but when they talked about having to kill you after we entered this place, there was no question about whether I'd protect you or not. And keeping you here with me was the only way to keep you safe. By staying here with you, I was keeping you alive, no matter what they did to me. Who cared if I remembered how these humans didn't want to let us sirens go the first time I ended up here? Remembered how many humans we had to kill and how many more of our kind we sacrificed to get out? This human male wouldn't understand, but I did. I sacrificed a lot to return here and stay with you, and I saw no fault in my decision to do what my mate wanted me to. 

"It's better this way. For both of us," I growled, and he let out a brief chuckle, amusement flashing over his features. 

"If that's what you want to believe," he said dismissively, his eyes crossing over the pool to the door to your cabin. Immediately, I felt the alert to his focus shifting, forcing me to swim over to that side so that, whatever may happen, I'd be the first to get to you. But to my surprise, the Professor raised his hands and shook his head dismissively of my worries. 

"I won't tell your mate what we just talked about. In fact, it's better they don't learn that their subject forced them into being imprisoned here despite knowing this would happen. They seem to enjoy their work, and they do it well enough. As long as you play nice and let us get our samples from you, we won't have a reason to come between you two. But you already know that, right?"

He was back to grinning like the mad human he was, taking pleasure in the suffering of others. I hated that he had once again attacked me with his words, defeating me in this fight. The Professor had explained to me before that he wouldn't want me to be unhappy and dissatisfied by taking my mate from me. But if I wanted to be with you, I had to do what they asked of me without harming anyone else. My actions may have 'imprisoned' you here, as the Professor liked to call it, but you weren't alone in this. In fact, I was sure we weren't the only ones in this kind of predicament. After all, there were countless other pairs stuck in this facility—willingly or unwillingly. 

"I got them!" your beautiful voice rang out as you exited your resting place. I tore away from the Professor, swimming over to you and chirping softly, gaining a smile from you. I'd never do anything to harm this lovely smile of yours. I wanted to keep it directed at me for all our lives. 

Even if that meant playing the Professor's games and agreeing to his deals.

You handed him a stack of papers before kneeling beside me, brushing over my head as I rose high enough on the platform to protect you. Your touch was soothing and reassuring, but I didn't let my eyes stray from the male beside you, hoping he'd finally leave us alone now that he had what he had come for. I wanted you for myself, but he was taking his time studying the results.

He only briefly glanced from the papers you gave him to me, a grin flashing behind his hand raised to his face in contemplation. It was an oath of silence, one I couldn't trust but had to be content with. I'd not get more than that from him. All he offered was forcing me to believe he'd keep his fake promises. If anyone was going to tell you, it should have been me, even if I felt undeserving of the accusation that I did something to harm you. But humans wouldn't understand. My mate wouldn't understand. So you certainly were better off never learning about this conversation. 

"All exceptional results! Thank you for your hard work!" he finally exclaimed. Immediately some of the tension stiffening your body vanished, and you let out your breath, smiling at him. 

"Any time, Professor!" 

After shaking his hand goodbye, the older male finally left for the door. But not without throwing me another glance and a knowing smile before vanishing behind the screeching metal. Immediately, I shifted my focus back to you, not wanting to spare a second of my time dreading this encounter as much as I did while it was happening. I had better things to do, more important ones. This time I'd let no one interrupt us.

"W-Wait, Nerrocan!" your words were stricken with infectious laughter, curling my lips into a grin as well. You couldn't even react to how fast I had picked you up by the waist and plunged you into the depths of my tank with me. Finding your lips even through all the bubbles we two caused, my gills flared, allowing your lungs to fill with my air as I slipped my tongue into your tiny, delicate mouth. Your taste was the sweetest poison on this planet, intoxicating and making me desperate for more. 

But your initial gentle hold on my shoulders turned rigid, being underwater still uncomfortable for you despite feeling so right for me. I already knew you had problems with prolonged stays beneath the surface after we traveled below it for days, and though I regretted leaving the only place that was truly safe to me, I did what was best for you, sliding my tail between your legs so you'd have a surface to sit on once we breached the water.

You inhaled sharply as you tore from my lips, coughing up some water that had slipped between us despite me making sure to lodge my tongue deeply where it belonged. Truth be told, I wanted more than this from you. I want to sink you to the bottom of the ocean where you'd have to cling to me for air, wrap your legs around me, and opened yourself up to my cock so I could breed you properly. Mate you, as they called it here. Claim and fill you with my seed until you were fully satiated with my spill. All while I'd get to drown in every kiss you gave and listen to your raised heartbeat every time I spread your hole with my cock. Then, you'd finally be mine, body and soul, unable to deny the mate bond any longer and give yourself to me completely until all my seed had been drained from my painfully aching cock. 

If only it were the right time for that. 

We'd need our love nest first and the other humans' talk, explaining why it was imperative you let me mate you. I needed the safety of a cover and to be left alone with you before I could bring myself to take you fully. Nowhere in this facility was safe, and I wouldn't allow you to be vulnerable to anyone else but me. I wanted to keep protecting you, even though I was considering abandoning all these precautions for my need to sink my burning desire into you, marking you beyond rubbing my scent off on you. I hated having to wait, but at least I still had my time with you. 

Holding you by the waist, I supported you, letting you regain your strength and focus. I listened to the moment you inhaled deeply and freely again, another beautiful sound, even if I liked you breathing the air from my lungs more. "Sorry…" I mumbled, not being sorry for putting you into the position you belonged. Trapped against me in a heated kiss, our bodies barely separated by the thin layer of fabric you wore. But I was sorry for you being so uncomfortable in the water, despite me being there, taking care of you. 

"All good," you mumbled, waving off my apology and smiling kindly at me instead. You had changed a lot, too, especially after spending so much time with me. I was thankful for every bit of understanding from you, bringing us closer together and forming the unity of our mate bond, even if you had yet to realize it. Floating through the pool with you on top of me was my favorite evening activity, the stars twinkling above us, despite only being visible at a few spots in the ceiling, through thick windows. Almost. It was almost like being outdoors with you again, free and alone, somewhere out in the ocean. 

"Do you miss being outside?" you suddenly asked, and my eyes fell back on you. You had gotten more comfortable on top of me, tugging in a leg of yours while the other drifted through the water next to my body. You had followed my gaze to the round glass windows above me, guessing what I must be thinking about. 

"Yes," I answered honestly, no need to hide the truth. Between staying here in this strange, imprisoning place with you and being back in the ocean with you, I'd have chosen the sea without a second thought. Both places were dangerous, and both had their sets of risks. But I was going to protect you either way, here or there. The only place we could not go together was the land you longed for—terribly so.

"Me too," you whispered after a brief silence, staring wistfully at the stars above. I slowed my movements, coming to a halt beneath such a window, allowing you not to twist your neck to see them better. "I wish we weren't stuck here. I wish you could be out there and be free, not having to go through these experiments that hurt you so much. But…”

"It's not possible," I finished the sentence for you as your voice trailed off. "Would you like me to break us out of here?"

You gave a short laugh, finally lowering your gaze back to me. Your eyes shone brighter than any star above could. Both the night sky and the water below us were things I loved, but they didn't compare to you, couldn't even scratch at your beauty. They only added to your charm but were never able to overtake it. If I had to choose between them and you, I'd still choose you. I'd always choose you.

"That's not something we should be thinking about, Nerrocan," you mumbled, your voice losing its usual loveliness, the sound turning sourly, the shine in your eyes dimming. You wanted to say "yes" badly; I could see that. Human language was difficult, but reading your kind less so. You often said things you didn't mean to please others, even me on occasion, instantly regretting your words despite trying to hide your feelings behind smiles. You and I both wanted to leave, but you thought it was too dangerous. You thought it was something even I couldn't handle, especially not alone. That you'd be a burden rather than my drive to fulfill your wish, and ultimately, I'd leave you behind to die. After all this time, you still thought so little of me.

I wanted your dreams to come true. I really did. 

But I held myself back despite that.

"It's not so bad here that we'd need to leave. We get good food every day and are safe from others. Besides, I get to hang out with you every day! It's not that bad, right?"

Your words made me happy, but they were conveniently woven lies. It was so easy to lie for you humans, be it for your own sake or others'. My kind would speak their mind without a second thought, but humans calculated their words carefully. Life here was awful, and you knew it. These people here did their horrible experiments on us sirens, sometimes lasting hours at a time, and their mates had to watch, some getting hurt in the action. As if that wasn't enough, they'd force the mates to write long reports and watch their broken, depressed, hurt sirens, forcing them to comply by actively involving them in the process. As the professor said, no one was allowed to leave, and the choice of where to go was limited to the places open to you and my tank for me. The people behind this place tried to hide how little they truly cared about us by making the pools more enjoyable for the sirens and their mates and making promises to provide and ensure the safety of the inhabitants of this place. I did trap you here, didn't I? 

Was I a selfish mate after all? Did I only bring you here for my own sake?

If so, what made me so different from the humans I despised?

"Yes," I lied. "Life here is not so bad."

I had you, at least. That's all that mattered to me. 

You smiled, but it seemed discouraged and sad. Perhaps because you knew I had imitated you with your lying. I was sure you wanted me to fight, to get us out of here and give you the freedom you desired. But the truth was that you didn't ask it of me, and I didn't want to let you go. Because our freedoms could never align with each other. Mine was in the ocean, and yours on land. Only here did we find a place where we could be together. Only here could I be with you forever, even if it meant we'd never be truly free. 

You leaned down, laying on my chest as you thought about all the thoughts you'd never let me hear. What you truly felt and wanted, but held yourself back, not wanting to be selfish or endanger us. Not knowing I was just as selfish as you were. 

I wrapped you in my arms, holding you and giving you all the comfort I could offer. If not this place, then at least I could be home to you. If you told me, I could be what you needed me to, and maybe one day, you would speak about what you wanted so I could act on them if they seemed right to me. But I could do all these things and more that would make you forget and free you of the burden that you put on yourself by being considerate and having to make decisions for us—right here. Just like I decided to come here and agree with the terms of the Professor in exchange for keeping you with me, I could do them for you. Once you made up your mind to agree to our mate bond, I'd make you forget all the bad thoughts you were having. The pain and despair. Instead, I'd drown you in pleasure and fulfillment as my mate. We'd both be finally content with where we were and not worry so much about the consequences of our decision. 

"I'm glad you're here at least," you mumbled, not allowing me to see your face. Read from it if you meant what you said or not. But regardless, it made my heart swell with affection for my little mate, my cock aching as it reminded me of my natural instincts. 

The day I'd make you completely mine couldn't come fast enough. You'd never be alone as I'd always be with you, my marks claiming you as mine, be it bite marks or spill dripping from your holes. You'd never have to face anything on your own again as I'd take care of you, protect you, and ensure no more suffering for you to endure like I had always promised. Whatever the future held for us, I'd get us through it, even if you didn't think me capable of it now. Once I mated you, you'd learn to have more confidence in me, seeing how well I can satisfy you. I just needed to prove myself to you again and again until you'd accept me completely.

"I am glad, too," I confessed, meaning it, hoping you could feel the sincerity in my voice.

Together, we drifted through the pool in circles for a long time in silence, the soft rippling in the water and your breathing the only sounds echoing around us, stars twinkling in a gentle greeting when we looked up at them. I wanted this moment to never end, for your body to never be pried from mine. I dreamed about the whole universe revolving only around us with no one to disturb this togetherness, no worries bothering our peace. Our world, free of pain and expectations, of lies and sadness. Just you, in my arms, with nothing keeping us apart. Together until the waters would take our bodies for our eternal rest.

And I knew I'd make this dream of mine come true, no matter what I had to do. No matter the suffering and pain I had to endure; the many more times you'd give me a gaze full of sadness, wanting to leave this place. Even if the Professor kept threatening me, I'd not let anyone take you from me, would not let my mate get hurt, or be forced into more sadness. I'd make everything better. I knew I could make it all better.

Because I belonged with you, and in return, you were mine. 

Trapped with me for all eternity.

My! Seems like you made it! I believed in you all this time!

Or did you?

Love is such a tricky emotion, like the tides that draw from the beach, only to return quicker than humans realize, trapping them. You can never be sure when these unassuming waters come for your life; the same goes for love.

Maybe you'd have wanted to try something other than this, but is it truly the worst outcome you could have wished for? Did you not want to be loved so dearly that someone would risk their life for you? Or was there something else you'd have rather achieved with your journey? 

I am pleased you followed my instructions, but I can see it in your eyes; there's still so much you haven't experienced yet. Who knows, maybe I can help you with that! I'd be glad to show you what happened to the other two orcas you were caught up with or what would have happened had you made a different choice on your adventure, but for now, this is goodbye. 

I hope you will find happiness in that new life of yours, so far from my ocean. I'm afraid not even I can help you escape from where you ended up. But who knows? Maybe you'll come to like it there. 

Just like everyone else.

[thecoolerliauditore]

your offhand mention of Scott maybe having autism made me think about his over-editing as a metaphor for masking. no other thoughts I just think it's neat

REAL ‼️‼️

I lovee you meta analysis I loveeee you. Him being autistic would also go very well with how he views romance and relationships e.g. him calling scar grian's husband out of the blue and being Like That about himself and Jimmy (I know that's usually attributed to him being aro but I feel like it works here too).

Lots of the more off the wall stuff he says could easily be seen as him trying to be funny or perform a role (mostly the boomer i hate my wife role) and coming off as rude or horrifying instead -- I think his interactions with Pearl in the first WL episode could be seen as him trying his best to bond with her for example and the sympathy isn't sympathy-ing so he doubles down not realising she isn't enjoying it. After all he did make it very clear in SL he thought they were over their problems and Pearl was like Yeah :) so he might take that as a cue that it's okay to joke about ++ he's still sore about it and not aware of just how passive aggressive he's being.

It's kind of making me sad cus part of me now wants to say that he's comfortable enough with Pearl and that's what's resulting in so many of his more socially not ideal traits popping up when he talks to her specifically but it could also be a consequence of him just not seeing her as a person I'm not ready to give him the benefit of the doubt on this one quite yet.

(not trying to make it sound as though Pearl is in the wrong here that Scott isn't able to read the room it's still Scott's responsibility to not be an ass but "I feel bad about the thing you did but I'm not going to admit that to myself or you" and "you haven't yelled at me to stop expressing my frustrations passive aggressively" is a crazy combo)

That line he said to Cleo at the end of her WL episode 2 about how he "doesn't hold grudges" and is "just petty" is also definitely. Something.

The whole. Scott makes himself less likeable by refusing to show vulnerability and only presenting himself as "good" to me also echoes the whole. Autistic kid who gets told their behaviour is bad so they change themselves to be "good" at every opportunity but "good"comes off instead as off-putting and insincere and they end up at square one with still being unlikeable.

There's also something here about the character's ableism like I don't think it's too controversial of me to say he talks in a very ableist way about both Jimmy (incapable) and Pearl (batshit crazy). Which very much To Me ties into his constant masking.

Sorry this got away from me ummmm

[purpletrashcans]

I am so fucking annoyed and here is why

I recently made the discovery that i'm probably aromantic and i would like to do what i did when i discoverd that i'm trans which is go and watch/read everything that even has the tiniest bit of trans representation in it, but i can't because there is no aromantic representation

now obviously that's nothing new, i was aware of this problem before and it pissed me right off then as much as it does now

it’s honestly just such bullshit that whenever there is an asexual character in media, basically the first thing they say after coming out as ace is that "they still want to fall in love" like not wanting, not being able to feel romantic love, would make them less human or something like that and of course there are ace people who are not aro, i'm not saying that and i'm not trying to shit on anybodys identity, if you are ace and not aro you are just as valid as anybody else and this lack of aro rep is obviously not your fault, we also need more ace rep while we're on it, that's not the point i'm trying to make, what i mean is that media always tells us that romance makes us human and if you don’t experience that you are either immature, unstable or not human and that's just bullshit

also it is no wonder that when i told my grandma about Loveless by Alice Oseman and how much i love this book, she was worried that i was like Georgia because i never like anyone romantically, she has never heard of aromanticism before, when she thinks of adult people that have never been in a relationship and don't have children she thinks of lonely, sad people and she doesn't want that for me

it is no wonder that when i see my greataunt and -uncle once a year they ask if i have a partner and when i say that no, i don't have a partner, they tell me that i have time and i'll meet someone eventually

and it is no wonder that so, so many people think that they're broken, that they enter relationships and situations that they don't want to be in, that fucking therapist try to cure people, that it took me 21 years, almost losing my friends, actually losing 8 kg in two months do to disordered eating and reading Loveless two times to figure out that i might just be aro, when there is barely any representation whatsoever, when most people haven't even heard of aromanticism

we need more representation and we need it desperately, that way not only will aro people discover their identity sooner and safe themselves a whole lot of trouble, but allo people can also learn how to react to someone being aro and we can all learn that being aro isn't sad or inhumane or weird or lonely

and because i'm a fancy-schmancy college student (who wrote "collage" instead of "college" first because i can not spell)(and have watched too much criminal minds) i would like to end this with a quote by Mariah Wright Edelman (tho the quotes are the worst part of criminal minds, they are so cringe istg):

“You can’t be what you can’t see”

[anistarrose]

So the thing is, if people ship characters who are explicitly not into romance (whether aromantic or otherwise), that ultimately doesn't affect me on a level beyond "annoyance" — I can blacklist tags, and blacklist or block people who don't tag it. What I have to ask myself every time I see these things, however, is this:

"Does this reflect how this person feels about romance-averse people in real life? Does this reflect how this person treats romance-averse people in real life?"

Because how someone engages with fiction doesn't have to be a reflection of how they treat real people, obviously — and in this case, I would of course hope that it isn't. But if you know anything about what being aromantic is like, in real life or on the Internet... you'll understand why I'm not optimistic.

Thinking two characters are so cute together that you reject a bunch of their characterization to make it happen is just annoying, not a crime! But the second you make the leap to telling a real human person things like:

"I don't care how much you say you're not interested, because you just won't realize that you and X would make such a cute couple,"

or:

"I don't care how much you say you're not interested, because you're clearly just in denial which the Right Person has to come along and fix,"

or:

"But — but — but not falling in love is just so tragic! I want you to be happy, not sad and lonely your whole life!"

like the rationales that apparently motivate so many people to ship? Then that has crossed the line into harming real people.

I don't actually think that shipping aromantic characters is the primary cause in the cause-effect diagram, when it comes to the correlating the shipping with "likelihood to say these terrible, invalidating, autonomy-undermining things to real people." Precisely, I don't think it's a cause to a meaningful degree when you compare with the opposite direction — I think people who say these things to real aromantics (or anyone else who just isn't interested!), because of what they think about these real people, are in turn more likely to think amatonormative things about fictional characters. I think that there exists a feedback loop to some extent, because fiction can influence people's beliefs to some degree, but it's not symmetric. Real-life amatonormativity causes mass amatonormativity in fandom spaces.

So... at this point, do you see why aromantic people in fandom get a little defensive about aro characters, and about other characters who overlap with aro experiences? You see why we get kind of pissy when people very selectively throw a very specific part of their characterization out the window? You see why we maybe don't want to associate with those people? Why it makes us so uncomfortable?

"Stop shipping romance-repulsed characters," in my opinion, is a understandable outcry from the community that I obviously sympathize with — but it nevertheless conceals the core of the issue, especially from non-aromantics who aren't living with amatonormativity shoved down their throats at all times, and therefore might not be able to read between the lines. At the core, this isn't actually a debate about the morality of shipping in fiction, despite overlap with that discourse on the surface.

The real cry for change isn't "stop shipping that character." It's "start accepting me for who I am, without trying to either undermine or mourn it at every opportunity." Because at the moment, the overlap between people who erase fictional aromanticism and real aromanticism is significant — and even where they don't overlap, you know what? Romance-averse folks just trying to live in peace can't fucking tell the difference.

[allastoredeer]

Sorry for asking but do you happen to have any bottom Alastor radioapple fics to suggest? I can’t find any 😭

Don't be sorry! I haven't been reading a ton of fics recently, but I can definitely send you the ones I have! Now that I have a functioning phone, I can do more fanfic reading and, believe me, I have a TON of bottom!Alastor fics saved. Maybe I'll do a weekly fic round-up and post some of the fics I've read that are just 😩👌

But as for the ones that I do have:

(NOTE: Remember to check all of the tags yourself, some of these are more explicit and darker than others)

Hounded by Syntaxeme

Basically, it's Halloween in Hell and Alastor uses his magic to summon a few monsters to cause a little mischief, but accidentally summons Hellhounds instead. Horny Hellhounds. Smut ensues.

It's doesn't have any of your typical Hazbin ships, but it was based off of an audio-Halloween thing someone made a few years back. The fic has the link to that in their notes as well, if you want to give that a listen to.

Decadent Agony by Echowraith

Alastor thinks Vox is going to try and slip him a love/lust potion, and in the case that he succeeds, Alastor doesn't want his virginity taken by him. So, in an effort to control the situation, he asks Husk to take his virginity instead.

These two have such a messy and complicated relationship, and I LOVE it. Very much enjoyed this fic and how it handled Alastor's aro-aceness.

With a Coffee and a Caress by winterveritas

4 times Lucifer touches Alastor, and 1 time Alastor touches him back. God, I love this fic SO much. The writing, the characterization, the build-up, the smut, it's all so, SO good. It's definitely one of my favorites at the moment. Also, we get some fantastic scenes with Alastor's shadow interacting with Lucifer :3

Together in My Pocket by Keelywolfe

Lucifer fucks Alastor in his big King-of-Hell demon form O.O nuff' said.

A Poison for Lust by MatcHoMetriC

Zestial is curious about how potent and dangerous the Vee's new love potion is, and asks Alastor to help him out. Such a fucking treat considering how little Alastor/Zestial content there is out there 😩

601 by ChildishSadism

Vox possesses a priest and Alastor possesses a nun. What else need I say?

A Failure of Business Negotiations by Drowsy_Salamander

Alastor is curious about what the big hype is about sex and enlists Vox to help him out, but, of course, things get sad and complicated >:3 the smut is more implied than explicit, but I still really enjoyed it and Alastor's aro-aceness and his thoughts on sex.

Unhealthy Attachments by KeelyWolfe

Lucifer wonders what Alastor gets out of having sex with him, but the answer he gets is...well, I guess that's for you to read and find out 😈

To Never Let You Go by Anonymous

Dark fic about a darker, more sinister Lucifer baby-trapping Alastor.

And, of course

Lucifer and His Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Relationship by Keelywolfe (Keelywolfe shows up quite a bit in this list LOL)

This isn't so much a single fic as it is a series. But it's got some fantastic scenes, really funny moments, and AMAZING smut. Love their bottom!Alastor stuff and I've really been enjoying the progression of the series as I've been catching up. Some really good food right here.

Annnd, that's all I got at the moment. But, hey, asks me again in a week and I might have more ;) Enjoy these in the meantime!!

[twosoulss77]

I don't know who needs to hear this, but you are allowed to have a favourite ship, canon or not, out of a particular show.

Shipping is just a way for artist and what not to explore different dynamics, or even their own. That’s why I believe we should let people enjoy what they like, without forcing our own image of a certain spectrum into them. Especially cause shaming those people, for trying to explore their identity through art, might cause actual harm to them or cause them to not enjoy doing what they like anymore, bc of hateful comments from someone who hides behind a fake identity to hate on a fictional ship, which in itself it’s a very sad and pathetic way to live, but just cause your life is miserable doesn’t mean you need to make others people’s life miserable you know. Go touch Grass when you feel like being a dick!!!

As an AroAce fellow with no desire for a sexual relationship, I applaud and adore all those people making content of my fav husbands, let it be a fics smut or just normal fluff, I love it all SO MUCH Hazbin Hotel ep 5 changed my whole chemistry, and Say what you will about radioapple / appleradio, but I will always be entertained by the idea of Lucifer angrily doing acts of kindness for Alastor because it's what ‘Charlie would want’, and Alastor being a stupid ‘Bambi’ and try to wiggle himself out of it at the beginning, but then realise that he actually doesn’t mind the king of hell company at all. Both slowly growing to actually tolerate and maybe even like being around the other. Exchanging snarky remarks in a more playful way, playing music together, telling dad jokes, hating on the same delusions glorified iPad …like there is so much potential there that it’s crazy how much it pisses people off. It might be cause I am a sucker for Enemies to Friends to Lovers, but by God if that isn’t the best trope.

I know there will be some smart people out there, that are gonna be like “Alastor is ace”, but so are half the people who ship him!!! I hate when people make assumption on us, on who and how we want to love. I might not be interested in participating in sexual stuff myself, but that doesn’t stop me to explore my own ace-spectrum with these two characters, who if they wanted to could and would kiss each other, Cause for one I says so, I have the power to make that happen *insert hysterical laugh* And second It was confirmed that Alastor is a repulsed Ace, but would also be down to date someone if they were strong asf, (Confirmed in a stream, take that with a grain of salt) still makes this ship more possible than others.

Al being Aroace, doesn't mean he can't date or have sex, he's just not all that interested in it, but that could also derive from the fact that he hasn’t found the right person yet, so it doesn’t feel important to him yet. (fun fact aromantic wasn't the part of my struggle accepting that I was aroace it was actually accepting I was ace bc of my hyper sexual tendencies)

Also Alastor being aro just makes radioapple infinitely more funny to me, or any relationship with him for that matter. He is just this 7 feet tall demon with zero interest in romance, but always managing to find himself having beef with someone, possibly a guy, and act like he is either about to kiss or kill him XD

I really needed to get this off my chest and I absolutely mean every thing I said in here. Everyone has their own likes and dislikes, but you'll be surprised to see how much happier you will be when you stop focusing on what other people are doing and instead focus on what you like.

Thanks for listening 😊💜

[garbagechocolate]

I mean, this is the internet, the straight characters are going to be drawn and written having gay relationships, the AroAce characters are going to do the same by giving them a very active romantic life, and none of that should matter because this is content MADE by fans, It's not Canon. I think we would all be more at peace if those who enjoy making content about Moon having a partner didn't impose the idea on others or try to justify it. Suffice it to say that this is an AU. Do not waste time or effort trying to convince others that the idea is better than the original, will not succeed.

LIKEWISE, it is just as important that those who DO NOT like couples content simply IGNORE or block the blogs that produce it. Because going to artists' or writers' publications just to make them feel bad because they like a ship is not cool.

This is internet dude, if you're sad because there isn't enough material of Moon being an AroAce, do it yourselves. Defend the canon you like by making content and not crying bothering those who make contrary content

(Waddles in) I was just explaining why I don't like solarmoon. It's not a very big deal. But also, excusing everything with "but it's the internet" is stupid. Added on, the Aspec community has every right to be upset about people shipping moon for the sake of shipping moon. If a character was confirmed to be YOHR sexuality, but people around you disregarded it or used the excuse that it's a spectrum to ship how THEY want to, it's just. Bad. Like you COULD ship them, but if you're going to do that while keeping that they're aroace I'd expect you to handle it while acknowledging that at many times, aro people just don't fall head over heels in love. If anything it takes time. Or sometimes we do, but the feeling dies off when it's reciprocated. The problem comes with the fact that they do not acknowledge it at all and that they ignore it.

Also. I'm not crying or whining about it. I never EVER liked Solarmoon but I've never made much of a big deal out of it. The most was making a post on Twitter saying if you ship solarmoon I'll probably be unfollowing? I understand that shipping discourse between these two robots is so, so weird, but it doesn't change the fact that I personally feel very uncomfortable around it because it seems like incest to me.

I already have the Solarmoon tag blocked and I was explaining to the other anon why I don't like the ship. That's all <3 I also have. Thoughts. About the first thing you said and characters being hc different sexualities but that's a topic for another day.

[lurkingshan]

Breaking Down the I Feel You Linger in the Air Finale

Okay pals, I got some sleep and I'm ready to dig into this finale and all its beautiful messiness. I love this show and I'm frankly a little frustrated that we got such an incomplete resolution to the (hopefully) first season when there was ample time to do it right. As ever, pacing and time and information management continue to be major weaknesses for Tee Bundit. As I said last week, the writing for this show has been undeniably messy but it's still holding together on the strength of the production and the performances and the success of some of its big themes and character arcs; that take held firm through the finale and some of the baffling choices made about where to spend our time in this final installment. So, let's dig into it!

The Long Goodbye

I'll say upfront that this is my biggest beef with the pacing of the finale. We spent all of last week on a long and painful goodbye for Yai and Jom, perfectly executed, but for some reason we did another 45 minutes of it this week, not so perfectly executed. While I loved the covering of the mirrors, the saddest sex scene ever (complete with sex moans running as the audio over a memory montage how dare you show!), and the pain of Yai realizing he drew the final picture and watching Jom disappear, we didn't need to retread them saying goodbye to each other over and over again for two entire hours of story time, and we didn't need a long, sappy, on the nose speech from Jom saying things we already knew. As I told @neuroticbookworm, this might be my aro showing but I found the series of repetitive emotional goodbye conversations and memory montages exhausting and not in a good way. If I were the script doctor, I would have kept the mirrors, sad sex, and Yai drawing as the start of the episode and cut the rest, moving much more quickly into the next phase of the story.

Back to the Future

Jom returning to his present day life, trying to cope with his anguish and loneliness and adjust back into things, and further investigating the time travel mystery to figure out a way to reconnect with Yai should have been the main narrative of this episode. Instead, we got a truncated version of it that didn't have time to breath because we'd used up so much time on the above mentioned retread. For my money, Jom's devastation upon finding Yai's letter to him was the most emotionally resonant moment of the finale and the first part of the episode where I almost cried. But we had barely sunk into that feeling before it was abruptly cut short because we were out of time and Tee needed to wrap this baby up.

Eyebrow Scar Yai

Here’s where I get actually kind of peeved, because this final (pre-credits) scene was so poorly set up and executed that to even call it a resolution is a stretch. A modern version of Yai walks into the room, asks Jom why he's crying, tells him he's been waiting for him, kisses him, and then the credits roll!

Now I've been in the tags so I know this caused confusion for anyone who has not read the novel (me too, fam!). And that's because the show had not bothered to establish:

That Yai does in fact have a modern doppelgänger

Who the heck that doppelgänger is and how he’s connected to 1928 Yai

How that doppelgänger would be able to remember Jom when no other doppelgängers in the story can remember their past lives

Based on what we know, could we piece together a reasonable theory about who this man is, how he got there, and the final pieces of the mythology that make sense of it? Sure. In fact, bookworm and I pretty much guessed exactly what the explanation for this was after watching the show, and many of the elements at play here were theorized in conversations we had last week. Book readers like @tipsyjaehyun have now confirmed the full explanation for anyone who cares to go read it.

But the show did not tell us any of this information. If you have to read the novel or have novel readers spoil you on aspects of the story that the show didn't bother to cover in order to understand the ending of the story, the execution has failed. And given the pacing notes above, there is really no reason we couldn't have gotten a better set up for this ending with Eyebrow Scar Yai (yes I know his name but no I'm not using it because the show didn't bother telling me; I am petty like that). Jom could have found this descendant during his time of processing and the ending could have hinged on us realizing this modern Yai is a reincarnation who has his past life memories intact; had we gone into a final kiss between them feeling grounded in all of that knowledge, it would have landed so much better.

Hello Commander

And now on to the post-credits scene, where Tee puts a plea into the universe to give him a second season so he can play around in another time period and explore what is evidently the origin of this soul tie between Jom and Yai. I chose to read this episode tag as separate from the actual season 1 narrative, and I think that was the intention given its placement. If they secure funding for a second season, this tag scene becomes the beginning of that next story, with Eyebrow Scar Yai's kiss sending Jom into another time travel adventure. If they don't we can just ignore it and pretend the pre-credits scene was the end (which is why I'm not happy it was so poorly done). I, for one, would love to see a second season to explore another time period and give Tee a chance to clean up some of this mess he has made of the mythology and season 1 resolution. Shouts to @clairedaring for reporting back from the live showing of the finale on what the possibilities are looking like there. Fingers crossed we get a continuation of this story some day!

Tagging in @waitmyturtles and @twig-tea who also have linked posts above. And shouts to @blmpff @cankersoregirl @pharawee @wanderlust-in-my-soul @italianpersonwithashippersheart @bengiyo @dragonsareawesome123 @wen-kexing-apologist @junghaesin @stuffnonsenseandotherthings @slayerkitty @respectthepetty @chickenstrangers @sunshinechay @btwinlines for posting about this show every week and making it such a fun watch despite having a small audience on here. It was a pleasure watching this with you all!

[conanssummerchild]

im bored as shit so im going to asign a community person/ship to every conan gray song bcs i really just use this site as a stream of my conciousness, if anyone has a better one for any of them feel free to tell me, also fair warning abed is my fav character, i'll try not to make everything abt him and troy but no promises

grow: the whole final episode really but im thinking mostly jeff tbh or also abed leaving for LA, or even maybe troy leaving on his voyage ☹️

idle town: the 'town' being greendale i feel like this applies to jeff also 😭 like its abt all of them but its jeffs pov

generation why: im thinking my girl britta hehe idk how to explain it but the vibes are so there

crush culture: im thinking annie, but also maybe jeff, aro king 👑

greek god: im thinking maybe abed in high school? i would say annie but she seemed to care more about fitting in while abed had accepted he couldnt, also hes like insightful and observant yk

lookalike: oh my god, brittas pov and its about jeff and slater oof

the other side: troy and abed, specifically in geothermal escapism 😭</3 im killing myself why would i do this

the king: okay fuck this is so trobed coded, abeds pov

comfort crowd: the whole study group tbh <33 in more specifics i was thinking jeff + the study group and honestly abed and annie

wish you were sober: i mean this one has to be either jeff and britta or britta and troy, though troy and britta could be taken either as britta wanting to go party and smoke weed or wtv and troy not rlly doing that stuff or britta feeling rejected bcs of troy giving all his attention to abed 😭 (like as in wish u were sober being wish u werent a raging homosexual)

maniac: probably i'd have to say jeffbritta from either pov

(online love): i... dont know tbh. the vibes are giving annie and troy for some reason, maybe once troys already left?

checkmate: the fond eyeroll i had to give, jeff and britta again. maybe annie being pissed at jeff over their kiss but i dont ship them romantically

the cut that always bleeds: idk, maybe jeff and annies weird ass relationship that keeps fucking happening is the closest, from annies pov

fight or flight: idk tbh, maybe trobed and britta if i had to go with smth, this one is mostly EXTREMELY byler coded (from stranger things) and im never fucking letting that go

affluenza: ok i mean ive gotta give this one to jeff dont i

(can we be friends?): troy abed and annie <3 im so soft for them

heather: ok fuck i HAVE to say trobed and britta and its abeds pov and if we're being specific them in virtual systems analysis becuase i'll never get over this episode ("ive run the simulations, i dont get married :/") bcs i fucking love abed being jealous of britta while she was with troy in the cool way but also in the sad if troy cant love me no one will way

little league: this is troy and abed when troy leaves :(((( and this is canon bcs my beloved wife and i are so troy and abed coded and she loves little league sooo

the story: ok so the boy and the girl are hmm annie and abed, the boy and the boy are troy and abed duh doy, him and his friend are maybe idk britta and troy, i dont wanna say jeff or abed bcs their dad/mum abandoned them and that bit's abt wanting to get away from ur parents yk

fake: (😭) maybe jeff (alan's pov 😔😔💔💔) nah but fr i see people joking abt his song but its lowkey fire

overdrive: WHY DO THEY ALL MAKE ME THINK OF JEFF AND BRITTA

telepath: jeff 😔 and 😔 britta 😔

movies: ok i literally cant say anyone other than abed, the king of movies. im not really feeling troy tho, maybe rachel, like maybe when abed kept trying to super speed run their relationship and he was anxious abt not passing the relationship tests

people watching: the MOST annie coded song ever holy fuck she is so people watching coded i love her so much

disaster: abed. or britta. my abandonment/commitment issues babies <33

best friend: TROBED. THE ONLY BEST FRIENDS EVER

astronomy: would it be absolutely too painful if i said troy and abed. honestly i actually think im feeling more jeff and abed but not like at eachother just both of them together in their sadness, from their pov to someone else (britta and troy probably seeing as these r their main romantic interests)

yours: AHH THIS SONG DEAR GOD </3 can i say abed jesus fuck im killing myself this one for abed hurts so much, not really directed at anyone in specific, or more like just directed at everyone, just his abandonment issues :( ("i dont always see it coming" PUT ME DOWN)

jigsaw: oo britta, my queen she just wants to be loved so bad </3 but also a bit abed ("if being less insane would make you stay" oof)

family line: okay. jeff.he actually invented having daddy issues

summer child: ok its abed bcs i kin him idc, im conans summer child™ and i said so /lh

footnote: not quite sure, very annie coded imo. maybe trobed? either pov ig but im feeling troy

memories: hm, trobed after troy leaves? abed trying to get over him but he keeps imagining troys still there with him like as in one of the hallucinations he has bcs i read a fic like this yesterday and it was sooooo good, idk maybe this is a little far fetched

the exit: im not rlly sure actually, either jeffbritta after the whole i love you in front of anyone fiasco or trobed when troys dating britta 🤷‍♂️

never ending song: ok, jeffbritta.

winner: THE MOST SONG EVER. ok this one is abed. it will always be abed. family line i feel like is more about a hostile home enviroment and jeff implies that his was, while winner is more pain of neglect or disconnect so i feel like its more appliable to abed because of how hes shown to not be understood by his parents and feels responsible for his mother leaving and this makes me think of the line "you dont really wanna hear the truth, do you?" because like his mum loving him on paper but not actually loving who he is or be willing to accept hes different and has different needs FUCK abeds mother all my homies hate abeds mother (what im not projecting at all my parents definitely love me and accept that im autistic /s)

killing me: im not quite sure actually. conan did write this song about someone who gave him tonsilitis and abed cannonically had tonsilitis though so 🤯

lonely dancers: hmm i feel like this song is upbeat enough to be trobed being silly tgth but maybe its more jeffbritta coded, or jeff and abed abt britta and troy, or vice versa, not sure

sorry i never mentioned shirley i do love her

feel free to take any of these as platonic or romantic idrk, a lot of them i couldve meant either way anyway

if u even made it this far u can have a gold star ⭐️ there u go