#the bear season 1 episode six

[confused-pyramid]

Coming Up For Air | s1

pairing: aaron hotchner x childhood bsf!reader

summary: Hotch and his childhood best friend working together at the BAU: a slow burn across the seasons.

word count: 10.4k

warnings: canon!typical violence, mentions of abuse, death of a spouse, slow slow slow burn, specific episodes mentioned in this part are 1x01, 1x06, 1x07, 1x08, 1x15, 1x16, and 1x22

a/n: I started rewatching Criminal Minds from the beginning, and this is what came out of it heh. This is the first part in a little series I'm starting that follows Hotch and his childhood best friend in the BAU, beginning with the pilot. If all goes well, this will continue through the rest of the show, with ~1 part per season :) Title is from Coming up for air by Signals in Smoke

series masterlist

You haven't used your oven in over a year. It's not that you don't like cooking - because you do - you just haven't had the time. If you could, you would blame it on the extra hours you have had to put in after starting at the BAU, but that wouldn't be fair. Your transfer to the unit was the only thing that got you through his death at all.

After your husband was shot and killed in action while tailing a kingpin of one of the New York mobs, you couldn't bear to be in this house at all. You had gone back home to stay with your father for a couple of months, but eventually you had to get back to your real life. With a month remaining on your bureau-mandated leave, you returned to the home you had shared, before one of the lower-level mob soldiers misfired -

You didn't let yourself think about it for almost a year, but time heals all wounds. The poets were right. At least you hope they are.

Even back at home, you still couldn't bear to be there alone, other than when you were sleeping. That's why your peloton was gathering dust and your kitchen went untouched, until just now.

So, of course, the call from the office comes when you're making dinner. It takes five minutes to change into slacks and a button-up, and two more to toss your half-cooked vegetables in the trash, before driving down to headquarters.

A fourth girl has been taken in Seattle, and the local PD only now decided to invite your team. You know the BAU isn't well-liked by the other departments, but that doesn't mean you aren't effective.

When you enter the building, you rush through the I.D. check and jog over to the lecture hall, where Morgan and Reid are standing outside of a neighboring office like children waiting for their father to come and get them.

Shooting them both a thin-lipped smile, you step inside just as they finish discussing the unsub's pattern.

"They want you back in the saddle," Hotch says to the man beside him after greeting you with a nod.

Your eyes are so immediately drawn to Hotch that it takes you a moment to realize that you recognize the man standing next to him. You haven't seen him since the day you were assigned to the BAU, mostly because you were technically transferred to this unit because of his extended leave.

What was supposed to be one month became six, before Hotch informed you that your temporary placement would be permanent, if you were willing to stay in Virginia.

It was a no-brainer.

You turn your gaze to Jason Gideon as everyone in the room stares at him expectantly. He looks self-assured, but you're sure the confidence is a front. "They sure they want me?"

"The order came from the director," Hotch says simply.

"Well," Gideon states, "we'd better get started, then."

Hotch glances over at you as everyone files out of the room and you raise your eyebrows momentarily, a quick check-in between the two of you. He nods imperceptibly and it's enough for now. He didn't tell you Gideon was coming back today, but now isn't the time to give him hell for that.

***

Hotch is the last to board the plane, and he takes his usual seat beside you, this time in the aisle, a few rows away from the rest of the team.

"I was going to tell you," he says as soon as you close the case file in your hands. "The section chief wants me to evaluate him to see if he's ready to return to the team."

"That's a lot of pressure." They have to know that Gideon will be able to smell him out within the day. "You sure it won't get in the way?"

Hotch makes that face you hate, the one that says he knows you're deflecting. "I was going to tell you."

It doesn't take much for you to forgive him. It helps that you trust him completely, especially after everything he has done for you.

"Still," you smile, bumping his shoulder with yours, "it would have been nice to know about the sudden change to my job security."

You're mostly joking, but his frown is genuine. "Don't be silly. You'll always have a place on this team."

He takes everything so seriously these days. You suppose it's only fair, given the files he has to sort through on a daily basis. Picking which case deserves the team's attention the most.

But he wasn't always like this. You're the newest member of the team, but you've known Hotch longer than any of them.

You still remember the first time you met him, at eight years old. He was your first real friend at school, and you became inseparable easily. Your shared love for The Beatles and Law and Order made you fast friends, and as you grew older, your interests shifted in tandem.

Sometimes when you look at him, you still see that little boy who knew too much, but still managed to always make you laugh.

***

The team disperses soon after you land in Seattle. You've never had to come up with a profile in one afternoon, but it's also been a long time since your ticking clock to find the victim was just over a day.

When Gideon and Morgan head to the latest crime scene, you join Hotch and Reid to interview the victim's brother. The moment the three of you step into his house, his dog, Sandy, starts barking up a storm.

"It's what we call the Reid effect," Hotch smiles, walking over to pet her. "Happens with children, too."

You can't help but smile as well, peering over at Spencer, who looks about as uncomfortable as he usually does.

It doesn't escape your notice that the brother looks looser now. Hotch has a way with people that traces back to his childhood self. He was always wiser than his years, something you chalk up to his need to grow up faster than he should have, but his paternal instinct comes from practically raising his brother, Sean, after his dad's untimely death.

The casual interview reveals enough about the victimology that when you head back to the station, Gideon calls the officers in to explain the profile.

You can feel Morgan's agitation wafting off of him as he watches Gideon state his assumptions with startling clarity and confidence. Hotch, on the other hand, looks contemplative, which reminds you that he's been tasked with the returning agent's evaluation.

He can see your furtive glances in his direction, even as you try to remain secretive about your interest in his demeanor. He presses his lips together to keep from smiling as he thinks about how lucky you are that you went into profiling and not covert operations.

You have never been especially good at keeping your own thoughts or intentions to yourself around him. While some would call that a weakness in this field, he sees it as your greatest strength, because it clearly shows how much he can trust you.

As a kid, you were outspoken about every idea you had, and you used your strength and willpower to look out for him when he needed it. It took him a long time to admit how much he used to need you (maybe too long), but you always knew.

***

Gideon's profile leads to the arrest of Richard Slessman and Tim Vogel, and Elle manages to save the last girl while she's still alive. You catch your breath for the first time in 36 hours as you stand with Hotch in the shipyard, watching the paramedics and local police clear the scene.

"What are you going to tell them?" you ask under your breath as his gaze turns to Gideon, who is getting patched up in the back of an ambulance.

He had goaded the unsub into shooting him instead of the girl, but your mind can't seem to focus on the silver lining.

Hotch sighs, crossing his arms over his chest, as though to hold his coat closed against the breeze. "They want to know if he's fit to be a field agent again."

Normally, you would give him shit for using that tactic. Avoiding a question by providing more information. This time, you know he's just thinking out loud.

"What would you say?" Hotch asks as Morgan walks over and sits on a barrel next to you.

"Gideon saved her life," Derek shrugs, his eyes flashing to you for a moment. "That's good enough for me."

Hotch seems to ponder this for a second. "Do you know what Gideon means in Hebrew?"

"Mighty warrior," Reid interjects, popping in to the conversation with the subtlety of a tiger.

You're confused at first, but then you remember the baby names book that was sitting in Hotch's living room the last time you visited him. "You cannot let Haley name your child Gideon."

Hotch laughs suddenly, and you can tell you surprised it out of him. Your chest warms comfortably as he smiles, his cheeks flushing softly in the chill air.

He looks over at Gideon again, deciding in real time that he's going to recommend him to come back to the team. He would never admit it to you or anyone, but he knows that if your position on the team was in jeopardy from Gideon's return, he wouldn't have been able to complete his evaluation fairly.

It was Hotch who recommended you for the open position after he was promoted into Gideon's role as unit chief. You deserved the spot, of course, but Jeff's death had still been fresh and he knew better than most how much the job can take one's mind off of the other aspects of their life.

While Hotch watches Gideon, you watch him. You can tell from the look on his face that it's a done deal. Jason's coming back to the team. It will be a change of pace for everyone, but that doesn't mean it won't be good.

Having joined the team right after the bombing, you saw exactly how Gideon changed after getting the profile wrong, but so did everyone else. What people didn't talk about was how Aaron changed too. Rising into the rank. Growing to fill the hole that Gideon left in the unit, but somehow also shrinking into himself at the same time, because that's what this job does to you...it takes and it takes and it takes until you have nothing left to give.

But sometimes that's what you need: to give something up so you know you aren't losing everything.

***

Gideon settles into the team faster than you anticipated, and soon it's almost like he never left. Even though you can see the vein on Morgan's neck pulsate every time he hijacks a profile, you can't help but appreciate the support he gives to Spencer and Elle, both of whom are becoming incredible profilers before your very eyes.

That's also why you find yourself a little worried when Hotch tells you that Reid failed his weapons recertification.

"I thought you said you were helping him practice," you say as the two of you walk past security and toward the bullpen.

"I was," he emphasizes, before correcting himself, "I did. I'm sure he was just nervous."

You nod, pushing open the doors and spotting Reid sitting quietly at his desk. "He can test again in two weeks. He'll be fine."

When Morgan hands him a whistle with a quippy joke, you sigh into your coffee tumbler, but don't bother stepping in. He's being childish, but if you try to intervene, it'll just embarrass Spencer more.

"Okay," JJ starts, "Franklin Park, Des Plaines. Yesterday afternoon."

She dives into the case, but you have already read the file (and you know Reid has too) so you scoot your chair over to his desk and lean forward so only he can hear you. "I failed my first weapons certification at the bureau too."

Spencer looks up immediately, his face colored with surprise. "Really? You're one of the best shots I know."

You smile with a shrug. "The tests aren't real life. When it comes down to it, I get the job done. Just like you will."

He doesn't say anything for a moment, but then his lips curve up into a small smile. You both turn your attention back to the front just as JJ finishes explaining the case details.

"Wheels up in 30."

The flight to Illinois is filled with heated discussions about the bureau's fruitless history of trying to profile long distance serial killers.

"L. D. S. K.s are so rare, we haven't been able to build a standard profile," Hotch explains as the jet reaches cruising altitude.

Gideon chimes in immediately. "Here's what we do know: they're always male, and they frequently have law enforcement or military experience, and they always contact the police or the media."

Elle looks confused and you echo her sentiment as you lean your hip against her armrest. "To take credit or relive the experience?"

"Both," he says simply. "All serial killers attempt to relive the ecstasy they get from their killings. Some use souvenirs taken from the victims, and others return to the dump site to interact with the body. Both modes require contact with the victim, contact which, by definition, long distance serial killers don't have."

"Our unsub hasn't contacted anybody," you point out. "What do we do until then?"

"Sometimes it's not what the unsub does that reveals the profile. Sometimes it is what they do not do."

Reid glances up from the file in his lap, and you notice that he looks at Gideon first. "He doesn't kill his victims."

"Underkill's a unique signature," Hotch ponders, standing up and walking along the cabin. He only paces when he's deep in thought. "The question is, does he shoot them in the stomach intentionally just to wound them, or is he just aiming at the biggest part of the target?"

The team is silent as you take in this new analysis. You're not surprised when Gideon is the first to speak up. "Specifically, does the unsub lack the skill to make the head shot, or simply the will to take it?"

When the plane lands, you check out the last crime scene before spending the day talking to the local police and the victims' surgeons at the nearby hospital.

That night, when you check into your hotel room, the click of the door lock closing behind you is a welcome relief from the tension of the day. Many of the Des Plaines police officers were unhappy with the team's initial assessment, because it heavily implied that the unsub may have been a law enforcement official himself.

You wash your face and change into a tee shirt and a comfortable pair of sweatpants, before climbing into bed and opening the case file back up again. The rest of the team has also gone to their own rooms, but you can't help but wish you had another set of eyes looking at this with you.

As though reading your mind, a knock thuds on your door and you stand up quickly, in case it's an emergency. When you check the peephole, you see Hotch standing way too close to the door.

Unlocking it slowly so you don't startle him, you open the door to find him in still in a full suit.

"Is there a problem?" you ask immediately. "Do I need to get dressed?"

He shakes his head, glancing around the hallway so quickly that you almost miss it. "I was just looking over the profile and I wanted your opinion on some thoughts I had."

The corner of your mouth twitches and you open the door further to let him in. He doesn't miss a beat as he takes a seat on the armchair in front of your bed and flips open his notepad.

"I was thinking about the bullet we recovered on the scene," he says slowly, like he's thinking through every word he's saying.

You nod, sitting on top of the bed covers and crossing your legs under you. "Garcia called after you left the station. The bullet was a .223 fired from the M-4 variant of the M-16."

"That means he's military," Hotch says, reaching his hand out without taking his eyes off his notepad. You close the case file you had laid out and hand it to him. "M-4 is a shorter barrel than the M-16, so it's less accurate and a lot harder to fire, especially at these distances."

"This level of skill indicates specialized training. That means..."

"It means the underkill was on purpose," Hotch says, finishing your thought. "What is he trying to prove?"

You purse your lips as he sits up in the chair to give himself room to remove his jacket. His pinstriped button-down is slightly crinkled under his arms, but you can tell it was freshly ironed this morning.

"Maybe he's in a fast-paced occupation," you suggest, "which would fit with the profile that he has a big ego."

"Then we're back to law enforcement."

You lean forward, your eyes following his hands as they fidget with his cuffs and undo the buttons, one at a time. You've always been attune to every one of his movements, but maybe it's just because you've spent so much time around him.

"Hotch," you whisper-yell, snagging his attention from your case file, which he tosses back to you.

He hums and you take that as an invitation to continue speaking. "Be careful tomorrow, when you're giving the profile."

One of his eyebrows lifts and you can tell he's holding back a smile. "It's just in front of the Des Planes PD. You'll be there too."

"It's not that," you sigh, shaking your head. "Everything about this profile points to the shooter being either current or former law enforcement. I'd be surprised if they didn't take it personally."

His eyes flit up to yours, his brow furrowing. "I can handle myself."

"I'm sure you can, Hotch," you say with a breathy laugh. "Doesn't mean I don't still look out for you."

He pauses and it's like his whole body takes a beat. "I know."

***

You're talking to Dr. Landman with Derek, Elle, and Jason the next day when a gunshot rings out through the hospital. Last you checked, Hotch and Reid were in the E.R., but you haven't heard from them since you arrived.

"It's Phillip Dowd," a nurse informs you when you meet with local police outside the closed E.R. door.

After a quick call to Penelope, the profile becomes clear.

"He joined the army at 18," Gideon recites, pacing around the room in a vaguely reminiscent manner, "went to ranger school, did 6 years before being dishonorably discharged in '95 for conduct unbecoming. Obviously lied about it, joined the Arlington P. D."

"You were right," the police captain sighs. "He was a cop."

His hopeless tone is disheartening, and you find yourself upset for not the first time that your team was correct in their assessment.

After the initial commotion, the E.R. is silent except for a few muffled voices. You can't hear what's being said, but the lack of gunshots or loud noises is all that's keeping you from falling apart.

"It'll be okay," you hear whispered from next to you. You turn to see Derek, who presses his shoulder to yours briefly. "Hotch will know what to do."

You know there's nothing you can do from out here, especially with how precarious the situation inside is, but doing nothing has never been your strong suit.

"I know," you tell him, echoing your thoughts. "I just wish we could help."

Derek cocks his head at the S.W.A.T. team readying themselves to break the door down. "We can help. We need to give Hotch and the kid time to wear Dowd down."

His tone is light and you feel yourself laugh, ignoring the thickness that swells in your throat. "That shouldn't take long."

Derek bumps your arm again in a silent extension of comfort, and you mouth a silent thank you.

You can feel Gideon losing patience as he reasons with the captain, but he eventually buys them three minutes to do what they can. When the final five second countdown starts, you unconsciously hold your breath, only to be released when Hotch's voice calls through the door.

"Hold your fire!"

Your breath comes out like a gasp and you squeeze Derek's arm before rushing forward. Hotch stumbles past you with a murmur that sounds obscurely like "help Reid", so you push your way through the throng of civilians moving to escape until you see him.

"Spencer," you gasp, crouching down to help him into a standing position. You would never admit it to him, but ever since he joined the team, he's been something of a little brother to you. "What happened in here? Are you okay?"

"You were right," he says with a surprising steadiness to his voice. "I got the job done."

You don't ask what he means, knowing that Hotch will fill you in when the time is right. Instead, you decide not to fight the vaguely maternal urge rising within you and you pull him into a tight hug. It's more of a quick squeeze, because you don't want to push past his physical boundaries, but he doesn't complain, instead looking over at you with a small smile that's more than enough for now.

***

You find Hotch where the departed ambulance that patched Reid up was parked. All of the hustle and bustle of the paramedics and local police officers and bureau agents comes to a standstill as you walk over to where he's sitting on the edge of the curb.

"I heard what happened," you say as a way to announce your presence. "Can I sit?"

He nods without looking up, and you crouch down next to him, settling on the curb with your shoulder pressed to his. You can feel the tension in his muscles as he grips the sidewalk, his palms digging into the concrete like he could break through if he pressed hard enough. "Reid.."

"..is fine," you whisper, nudging him so he looks up to where Spencer and Jason are chattering excitedly. "He's more proud than anything."

He doesn't say anything, so you bump your knee against his. "I guess all of the physical training classes you made him take at the academy paid off."

He knows you know exactly what is running through his mind, so he doesn't bother trying to articulate it. Instead, he lets out the breath he didn't realize he was holding, and looks over at you. "Do you remember that self-defense class we took before law school?"

You're not expecting this question, and you almost laugh. "You mean the singular self-defense class you dragged me to before dawn in the summer before we started at Georgetown?"

He levels you with a look that you would think is serious if you didn't know him so well. "You don't regret it, though."

"No," you smile, your eyes blurring with emotion. That's where you met Jeff. "I don't."

He was your instructor that day. He only taught that class twice a week, between lectures at Georgetown Law, and it doesn't escape your mind that you so easily could've missed him. One day earlier or later and you never would've met him, never would've been his girlfriend, or his wife, or his widow.

Hotch remembers meeting him that day too. He had to literally come to your apartment and drag you out of bed to make the seven AM class that he had signed you both up for, and you had been grumpy the whole drive over.

There wasn't much, other than coffee, that could get you alert before eight in the morning, but the moment you walked into that gym, it was like you were wide awake. He spent the rest of the class trying not to look as the man he would later come to know as Agent Adler kept coming over to give you extra pointers, and he pretended that the coil of ice slithering up his spine was there just because he was watching out for you.

When he found out the two of you had started dating, he continued to pretend the nausea rising in his stomach was from the day-old sandwich he had had for lunch, because it wasn't fair. Especially since he was with Haley, and he was happier than he had ever been, even if the new law school course load was making it harder to see her as often as he wanted to.

But eventually, your happiness with him overpowered every protective urge he felt, and he realized that even if there was a feeling in his gut that he didn't recognize when he saw you two together, Jeff was perfectly suited for you.

***

"He's so gorgeous!" JJ coos, her hands twitching at her sides like she's trying not to reach forward and take the baby out of Haley's hands.

She brought Jack, their newborn son, in to work today to show the team, and Hotch looks prouder than you've ever seen him. "Thank you."

"If you find baldness and wrinkles attractive."

"Reid!" you chastise, swatting at him. He dodges your hands without even looking.

"Look at his widdy biddy nose," Garcia squeals, before turning to Morgan with an inquisitive look. "Don't you want one of these?"

He just laughs as he rests his chin on her shoulder. "Mm, I'll stick to practicing."

"Congratulations," Elle chimes in before returning to Gideon's side to continue discussing the new case that came in. She's always on top of things, and it's something you respect greatly about her.

"Thanks," Hotch smiles, his gaze returning to Jack after looking away for only a moment. Jack is like a siren, the way each of his little sounds or movements holds Hotch's attention so steadily. He's the most focused of all of you, but you've still never seen him this enamored. "She's amazing. I'm a little terrified."

"You're glowing," you tell Haley as the rest of the team heads to the briefing room. "How is it that you had a baby just a few weeks ago?"

"You're sweet," she smiles, before tilting her head forward. "Do you want to hold him? You're practically his aunt."

You gasp quietly, so as not to wake little Jack. "That is a title I will carry proudly. And yes, I would love to hold him."

Haley hands him to you slowly, and you make sure to support his head carefully as you cup your arms around him. He looks so much like Haley that you almost make a joke about Hotch's genes not even putting up a fight, but that nose...that nose has Hotch written all over it.

When you glance back to where the team left from, you see him turn back at the same moment and offer you an encouraging smile.

"How are you holding up?" you ask Haley, barely able to focus on your surroundings with a newborn in your arms. Maybe there is something to the siren thing.

"Jack's been incredible. He barely cries, it's kind of a godsend...but I do wish Aaron could take time off with me."

You give her what you hope is your most comforting smile. "We've been super swamped with cases here, but in all my years working with him, I have never seen him so eager to leave every night."

She laughs, a pretty sound you remember from your youth. "I know. I feel so unfair when I complain about these things, but I appreciate you humoring me."

"Not at all," you assure her, glancing back down at Jack, who is mid-yawn. "I understand completely. If I had one of these little guys, I wouldn't be able to think about anything else."

You hear her breath catch and you open your mouth to reassure her that it's fine, but she is already reaching forward to squeeze your arm. "You and Jeff would have made amazing parents."

When you both joined the bureau, you were so busy with work that kids weren't on your mind at all. It wasn't until you got settled at the BAU, and Jeff found his place with organized crime, that you even started talking about it.

You want kids, don't you?

Only a few. Maybe four or five. Yeah, five's a good number.

"I should get back to the team," you say softly, blinking away the memories.

Haley sees your face and she smiles sadly as she takes Jack back from your arms. "I'll see you soon. Tell him I'm heading home, will you?"

You nod and watch the elevator doors close in front of her, before joining the team.

***

"I can't believe you went bar hopping without me," Derek shakes his head, feigning offense as he leans so far back in his chair you're afraid it may tip over.

"I think hopping is kind of a strong word," you say, glancing over at Elle, who is perched on the edge of your desk. "We only had one bar in mind, but it closed earlier than we thought, so we went somewhere else after."

"This was a much needed girl's night," Elle grins, patting Morgan on the shoulder as he continues to pout. "We'll invite you next time."

"How was your weekend, Dr. Reid?" you ask, turning around to face him.

Spencer doesn't look up from his crossword.

You say his name again, recalling the attention of Derek and Elle, who had started talking about some trip they've been planning for what feels like months.

When he still doesn't look up, you pick up one of the BAU-provided pens on your desk and chuck it at him, just hard enough to bridge the gap between your desks, but not so hard that it hurts on impact.

"Ow!" Spencer yelps anyway, glancing up with a look that's somewhere between confusion and indignation. He picks the pen up off the ground and turns it over to see the tiny insignia on the cap. "This is FBI property."

"How was your weekend, Spencer?" you ask again, ignoring him. "Didn't you say you had some fun stuff planned?"

"I did," he lights up, instantly forgetting about the pen incident. "My local movie theater was showing reruns of the first season of the original Star Trek, so I got to experience it on the big screen."

Derek laughs and walks back over to his desk next to yours. "We have very different definitions of fun weekend plans, kid."

You're about to tell Derek that no one wants to hear what his idea of fun is when the office door upstairs flies open and Hotch and Gideon walk out.

Reid hands you back your pen, and Derek sits up in his chair so fast it's almost comical.

"We have another case," Hotch announces before coming to a stop.

Gideon takes it away. "Our unsub is male, intelligent, organized and methodical. He has the confidence of a man who's been killing for a long time."

"Only victim removed from the scene is Freddy Condore indicating some tie to him."

Hotch turns to you. "You, Elle, and Reid stay on Condore's background with Garcia. The rest of us will head to the crime scene."

You nod before standing up. "Let's go, kids."

Penelope's lair is just as eccentric as you remember it.

"Take a seat," she instructs before logging into her computer and opening up her criminal history database. "Just don't get too comfortable."

Your lips quirk up as Elle flashes her eyes at you, and you nod your head at the empty chair on Garcia's opposite side. Reid is already sitting on a desk chair by the back, spinning in aimless circles as he rattles off a list of markers to search for.

After a minute, Penelope stops typing. "Credit card receipts show Freddy loved crab cakes, preferred light beer and used to spend his Thursday nights with a woman in Fells Point."

You pick up a stress toy shaped like a tomato from one of her shelves and bounce it in your palm, just for something to occupy your hands.

"What about his associates?" Elle asks, grabbing a pen with a pom-pom on the end and poking it at Spencer's knee.

"Most of them have criminal records."

Elle glances up. "That much I guessed."

Penelope frowns, and looks pointedly at the pen in her hand.

"She's holding the tomato!" Elle complains, throwing a finger at you.

You lift up your hands in surrender, dropping the stress toy. "Thanks a lot, Greenaway."

"Anyway," Reid interrupts, to everyone's surprise, "One of these guys is particularly interesting. Pull up James Baker's rap sheet."

Penelope turns back to her computer as Spencer reads over her shoulder. "He spent time in juvenile detention for attempted murder, was released at age 21, and then subsequently arrested for, and this is in order, armed robbery, petty theft, burglary, narcotics sales, and rapе."

"What's so interesting about that?"

"When it comes to psychological behavior, anything is possible but this criminal history? It just isn't probable."

Elle nods in agreement. "I mean, as a minor, he began with attempted murder and then devolved into pettier crimes?"

"It's the criminal history of a fractured schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder," you sigh. "It just does not make sense."

***

Hotch calls you into his office when he and Morgan return from Baker's address. You can tell something is off before you even step through the door, so you shut it behind you and take a seat in front of his desk.

"What's going on?" you ask, your eyes glancing over his face to see if his micro-expressions can give you a hint. "What's wrong?"

He looks up with a sigh, his hands clasped on his desk. "Baker's place was an artificial dwelling, and the weapon we recovered on the scene was standard law enforcement issue."

It takes you a few seconds to comprehend what he's trying to say - a few seconds longer than usual - and your breath stutters in your throat. "He was undercover?"

"That's what it looks like," Hotch agrees. "I wanted to inform you before telling the rest of the team."

You nod, pressing your eyes closed for a beat.

He missed his pick-up, Mrs. Adler.

We'll call you as soon as we know more.

The memories start to flood back in and you squeeze your eyes shut tighter before opening them. Hotch looks blurry for a moment until your eyes adjust to the light again.

"Does organized crime know where he is?" you ask, desperately needing to fill the silence.

He looks down at the case file. "We assume so, but it's not like they would tell us. They weren't too happy that we were taking on this case at all, and now we know why."

"Maybe they'll talk to me," you suggest, even though the idea of talking to Josh Cramer makes you taste bile. You haven't seen him since a month after the funeral. It's not for his lack of trying, you just couldn't stomach looking at any of them after what happened. One missed call turned to ten and eventually they stopped trying.

There's a piercing pain behind your eyes and you squeeze them shut for a momentary relief. "It was only supposed to be three months."

Hotch's brow furrows and you don't look up at him just yet. You can already picture his expression, the anguish you know he feels for you whenever you bring up Jeff.

"It was a three month operation," you continue, knowing you won't be able to discuss it later if you stop talking now. "That's all we signed up for. Three months away from me and then he was on leave for the rest of the year, so that we could focus on us again. Maybe even start a family."

Your voice cracks on the last word and you tilt your head down to hide your face. He hates it when you cry, but that's not fair. He knows how important it is to get your emotions out, so they don't pile up inside of you, but if he had his way, you would never have had a reason to cry in the first place.

"I hadn't seen him in over a month when he was..."

He can hear the tightness in your voice and he resists the overwhelming urge to reach his hand out and take yours. You're sitting a foot back from the desk, and it's not he could reach you from here anyway, but his fingers still ache.

"I don't want to blame them, Aaron," you sigh. Your words sound watery, and he pulls a handkerchief out of his inside jacket pocket and hands it to you. He's almost surprised when you accept the gesture, pressing the cloth square under your eyes to catch the tears leaking out. You were so self-reliant as a kid, never wanting or needing anyone else's help. "I don't want to blame them, but I do. I can't help it, I just do."

Someone else would have consoled you. They would have assured you that feeling this way was natural, and that no one could blame you for feeling what you do, but that isn't who you two are. "Jeff wouldn't."

His name is like a dagger to your heart. You practically wince as Hotch digs further. "That team was his family, just like we are yours. He wouldn't blame them, not for this. Not for something he chose."

Something he chose. This is why you don't let yourself remember that day. This is why you kept that day - the day you got that horrible call - locked up inside your brain, where not even you could reach it. Because if you let yourself think about it and remember, then you will remember that it wasn't really Cramer or his unit or the bureau that you blamed. It was him.

For choosing to miss his pick-up. For choosing to go undercover. For choosing to join organized crime.

You take a deep breath and re-adjust yourself in the uncomfortable chair Hotch refuses to replace, even though it's literally splitting at the seams. Something about your tax dollars hard at work. "What are you going to do about Baker?"

He lets you change the subject. "We have to contact Agent Cramer before-

"What the hell is wrong with you people?"

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

"Sorry?" Hotch frowns, both of you standing up immediately.

Cramer doesn't take his eyes off Hotch as he seethes with anger. "I told you, this is my case! You ran my agent through IBIS?"

"Because I wanted to know who he worked for and now that I do, I'd like to talk to him."

"You don't have him?"

You can hear your heartbeat in your skull.

Hotch looks at you then, and finally Cramer notices your presence. "Y/N...it's been a while."

Your lips press into a thin line. "Almost two years." The anger you've been trying to avoid seeps into your voice against your will and you sigh, returning to the investigation. "How long has Baker been missing?"

"About 12 hours."

"You think he ran?" you ask, watching Cramer closely as his jaw ticks.

"No, Jimmy's too experienced to run without contact."

He realizes his misstep immediately and his shoulders fall. To his credit, he doesn't break eye contact, even as his expression softens. "That's not what I meant. All I'm saying is that I think someone's keeping Jimmy from calling in."

You can feel Aaron looking at you, but you avoid his line of sight. If you're going to have to interact with organized crime, you might as well make yourself useful. "We all want the same thing, Cramer: to get Baker back to his family."

You wait outside as he explains the situation in more detail to Hotch and Gideon, and you're surprised when he's the first to leave. "Can we talk?"

Hotch comes out behind him and raises his eyebrow for a fraction of a second, a check-in. Swallowing thickly, you nod your head and follow him down the hall to the top of the stairs.

"I'm sorry I haven't reached out recently," he says as soon as you're out of earshot of the others. "You know Jeff was one of our top guys."

Your eyes shut at his name, as though someone clapped their hands too close to your face. It's almost laughable how sure you were that you were past your grief. You passed the bureau's psych evaluation after your six month leave with flying colors (because your team practically wrote the answers yourselves), and as each new day passed and you weren't so debilitated by just the thought of him, you thought it meant you were fine. Because time heals all wounds. At least it's supposed to.

"I know," you whisper scratchily, before clearing your throat. "I know that. And it's okay. We've all been busy." You look down at the bustling bullpen where his agents are interacting with your team. "Clearly."

Then you remember you're job here in the first place. "We really are just trying to help. It wouldn't hurt to keep us involved."

Cramer sighs and you know he won't refuse. "We'll loop you in."

***

James Baker is found and Vincent Perotta gets taken into custody, but you can still hear the end of the interrogation ringing in your ears.

"You were just responding to what you learned, Vincent.

When you grow up in an environment like that, an extremely abusive and violent household... it's not surprising that some people grow up to become killers.

And some people grow up to catch them."

You can't pinpoint exactly what you're feeling, but if you had to guess, it would be sorrow. Sorrow for that little boy who got dealt the worst hand you can imagine, and still turned into the best version of who he could've been.

Hotch can't get the interrogation out of his mind either. He had grabbed his briefcase and headed out to the elevators as soon as Perotta was taken away, in the hopes of avoiding everybody. He's about to let out his breath when a hand reaches between the doors and sends them flying open again.

Normally your appearance is a welcome sight, but tonight, he's had enough talking. Perotta took everything he had to give, and then some, and he doesn't know if he has the strength to go through the proceedings again with you.

"I just want to get home," he says as you stand next to him without a word and face the doors. To my family.

You don't say anything as the little fluorescent floor number ticks down - has it always been this slow - and he feels his nerves tighten with agitation. You're never silent, especially not about something like this.

Just before the elevator reaches the second floor, you reach forward and pull the emergency stop button. He whispers your name, half irritated half relieved, and you step in front of him, focusing your eyes on his. It's a classic profiler technique, both to mentally establish trust and to physically block him from the keypad.

"You're a great father, Aaron."

His mind flashes back 25 years, but he squeezes the hand in his pocket into a fist to keep himself from succumbing to the memories. "I'm trying."

He knows what you're doing, and he would normally be open to a healthy exchange between two adults, but tonight he just can't. It's too fresh.

You seem to understand at least a fraction of what he's trying to convey. Your next words are gentle. "That already makes you a thousand times better than him."

That almost makes him smile. "You can say his name, you know."

You shrug, looking at him with a glint in your eye. "Honestly, I don't think I can. I'm afraid I'll turn into a pile of ash, with the fury your father instills in me."

That's what gets him. He coughs out a laugh that echoes around the elevator, and you return to his side, giving him a moment to breathe on his own.

This time, when his mind spirals back to his childhood, he's not as equipped to block it. The memories come in flashes, a blackening bruise on his abdomen, a split lip explained away through roughhousing in the backyard, the thin scars on his hands and elbows as he finally started to fight back. He would've taken it all forever if he had to, if it meant that he could keep the horrors away from the people he loved. "I really should go."

"Yeah." You push the emergency stop back into place and the elevator hits the ground floor in no time. "I'll see you tomorrow, Hotch."

He steps out, half expecting you to follow him. Instead, the doors close and he's by himself again, and he suddenly can't remember why he wanted to be alone in the first place.

***

When the Keystone Killer is finally caught after 18 years of inactivity, he finds himself expecting for there to be some sort of celebration, either in the form of a commendation, or a much-needed break. Instead, what he gets is a mountain of paperwork.

He usually doesn't mind the paperwork that comes after a long case. It's a helpful way for him to sort through his thoughts on what went down, and to learn from mistakes that were made along the way, whether in the profile or in the capture of the unsub.

Lately, paperwork has felt like an added torture to the long hours he already spends at work. It's not that he wasn't excited about going home before, but ever since Jack was born, he hasn't been able to get out of the office fast enough. But being the unit chief of the BAU has its responsibilities, and this is one of them.

He's drowning in consultation files and case reports when you knock on his door, two coffees in hand.

"Thought that was you," he says, finishing the sentence he was writing.

You frown, setting one steaming cup down on his desk. He hasn't even looked up yet. "How'd you know? Or do you just say that to everyone who walks in here?"

His lip twitches and he puts his pen down. "I could smell the coffee. It always smells the same when you make it."

"Oh?" You weren't aware you had a method. "And how's that?"

"Burnt."

You take the lid off your cup and chuck it at him with surprising accuracy. It would have thwacked him in the forehead if he hadn't swatted it aside with his stupid catlike reflexes.

"What are you working on?" you ask after taking a scalding sip of perfectly brewed coffee.

He looks up for a beat before diving back into the file he was skimming. "Paperwork for the Keystone Killer case."

"But we just finished that," you point out before reaching forward and taking the file out from under his nose.

He huffs. "I was...looking at that."

"This is a report on what happened a couple of hours ago," you say, ignoring his remark. "You can easily do this tomorrow, or later this week."

"It's fresh in my mind now. I don't want to forget any details."

You shrug in a motion that says 'fair enough'. "Or, you could actually go home before midnight for once."

You slide another file off the top of his pile and flip it open, reading over the notes Hotch has scribbled in the margins. He's so meticulous about his job that you almost forget he was promoted just a little over a year ago. He became unit chief at the same time that you joined the team, so you didn't get to see him in his early days, but looking at him now, you almost can't imagine it. It's like he's built for this, for taking responsibility and leading people with kindness and respect.

"Elle said something on the plane today," he says suddenly, jerking you from your thoughts.

You close the file and look up as he runs a hand over his head, pushing his thick hair back just for it to bounce forward again. "She said that she's scared she's going to look up and see that her life has passed her by while she was chasing monsters."

Something cold runs through your veins and you sit up straighter in your chair. "And what did you say?"

"I told her the truth."

You smile in an effort to keep your eyes from shining. "What, that we're all doomed?"

He looks at you candidly. "That this job will eat you up if you let it." Your smile falls and he continues. "You just can't let it."

"I'm sure Elle loved hearing that."

He shrugs. "She was surprisingly receptive."

That gets a laugh out of you, even if the good humor doesn't last long. "I don't know how you do it."

"Do what?"

"This job, while also being a husband, and a father." You sigh, and you can almost feel the weight of the air as it leaves your body. "When I go home, I don't have to be anything to anyone. Most of the time it feels awful, but sometimes, after an especially bad case, I'm almost relieved when I can go home and just check out."

You aren't talking about him anymore, and he can tell. He doesn't mind, if this is what it will take for you to work through your emotions.

"We were gonna start trying for a baby."

That surprises him. Not that you wanted to be a mother - he knows that - but that he didn't know you were already thinking about it, especially because of how you grew up. You don't talk about it often, but after losing your mother to a drunk driver when you were ten, you almost transformed into her, becoming the emotional support for your family when there was no one else to fill that role.

You press your lips into a thin line and take a deep breath, your coffee cold and forgotten on the desk in front of you. "We had been talking about it for years, but with the paths our careers were taking, there just wasn't enough time before then." Your eyes look far away, and you don't seem to notice that your lips have unconsciously curved up into a reminiscent smile. "Jeff wanted five kids. Five. God, can you imagine?"

He can, but he doesn't say anything, because he knows you aren't looking for a response. Just for someone to listen.

"I'm an only child," you say with a laugh. "I don't even know what it's like to have one sibling, let alone four." But Jeff had come from a huge family, and he had wanted you to experience that. He loved how full his home always felt growing up, never without someone to talk to. Now you won't ever get to experience that. "I guess I just wish sometimes that we had tried earlier."

"You'll have it someday," Hotch says simply, practically reading your mind. "If that's what you want, you'll have it."

"I waited so long," you whisper, closing your eyes for a long moment. "I was just so afraid that I wouldn't do it right, because I didn't have my mother anymore to help me."

"You would've been a great mother," he assures you, his voice confident. "One day, you will be."

Your breath comes out like a gasp and you clear your throat to keep the tears at bay. "How do you know?"

"I just know."

***

When you push through the doors to the bullpen the next morning, you are greeted by a familiar head of blonde hair.

"Sean?"

He turns around slowly, clearly recognizing your voice, and pulls his lips up into a smile that you return. "Hey, Y/N, how's it going?"

You weren't close to him as a kid, mostly because of the age gap between him and Hotch. You had tried to make more of an effort after graduating college, but Sean was fierce in his convictions, and there were a lot of things he didn't understand about his childhood that you certainly weren't going to explain to him now.

"Good, good," you say, leading him away from the throng of staring women. You shoot them a look that makes them disperse. "You here for your brother? He's upstairs."

He nods, glancing up at the closed office door. You start to lead him to the stairwell when he stops in his tracks and turns to you. "What mood's he in?"

"Why?" you ask, your brow furrowing. "You got bad news? Nothing I need to worry about, I hope."

Sean shakes his head, glancing up at the closed door again. "Nothing like that. I'll just go up."

You let him walk up on his own, knowing he doesn't want you getting involved in whatever he's thinking about. Before you have a moment to catch your breath, the three women return to your side.

"That's Hotch's brother?" Penelope asks, standing so close you can feel her breath on your ear.

"Maybe Hotch is adopted."

"What do you mean?" you ask, unconsciously glancing up the stairs. "They're honestly pretty similar." You're only half joking. They don't look anything alike, but that Hotchner brand of righteousness runs deep.

JJ frowns. "I don't see it."

"Yeah, he looks...like that," Penelope murmurs, before looking at you. "Did you know him when you were younger? Was he hot then too?"

You choke on your own spit. "He was nine years old when I left for college, so...no."

Her eyes widen and she lifts her hands in surrender.

"Ooh, here he comes."

You look up to see Sean storming down the stairs, Hotch hot on his heels.

"Sean, listen to me."

He turns so fast, you're afraid they're going to crash into each other. "Don't profile me, Aaron."

Sean stomps out of the bullpen while Hotch watches him leave, and you can't get the striking feeling of deja vu out of your head. Two boys, 15 years younger than they are now, standing in the same positions, with the same looks on their faces.

You imagine that you and Hotch probably act the same way around each other as when you first met, at eight years old.

The memory comes easily, even with more than two decades of time standing in the way. The little boy with dark hair who had sat next to you on the school bus, just because there were no other empty seats available that day.

You hadn't said anything for the first few stops, just watched him out of the corner of your eye as he nodded his head unconsciously to the music coming out of his large headphones. Eventually, curiosity got the better of you and you tapped on his shoulder. "What are you listening to?"

He had taken his headphones off quickly, as though caught in the act. "What?"

You repeated your question before leveling him with a pointed stare that meant 'there is a correct answer'. You were a feisty kid, and you weren't always the best at making first impressions, so his steady response impressed you. "Beatles. Revolver album."

"I love that one!" you had gushed, leaning in closer without a warning to press your ear to one of the speakers on his headphones. "Is this Yellow Submarine?"

He had nodded, the confusion in his eyes slowly transforming into delight. "You know their stuff?"

"Of course. My favorite's Eleanor Rigby."

He had frowned then. "That one's too sad."

You weren't surprised by his opinion. You had yet to find a boy your age who could appreciate serious music, but liking The Beatles was a start, at least.

"I'm Y/N," you had said, extending your hand like you were starting a business meeting.

He shook your hand furtively. "Aaron."

"Maybe I'll see you around."

The school bus had stopped at your street then, and you had gotten up without another word to this boy, who would one day become your best friend in the world.

Luckily, the next day, Aaron chose to sit next to you again, this time with a second pair of headphones to attach to his compact cassette deck. Two days turned to three, and before long, you had a new friend.

***

"I can't imagine what two weeks away from this place is gonna feel like," you sigh, packing some essentials into your bag and snapping it shut. "I might actually miss you guys."

"Not me," Morgan grins, before pressing a kiss to your cheek as he zips around you. "Two weeks of pure heaven with nothing but young, beautiful adults looking to make vacation memories."

"Your friend's resort better be as nice as you say it is," Elle says sternly as she wiggles her finger at Derek, who is busy inviting Reid to join their vacation.

"Thanks, but I'm going home," he says quickly, without looking at any of you. "Have a good one, guys."

"I'll head out too," you announce, grabbing your things and following him to the elevators. "Wait up, Spence."

He doesn't seem to hear you, but you slip through the doors just before they close. "You okay?"

"Huh?" he says, finally looking up. "Oh, yeah. I'm just not looking forward to the Nevada heat."

You can tell he's lying, but you don't want to press him right before the long break. "You can always call me if you need anything. Seriously."

"Yeah," he nods. "I know."

You wave goodbye to him in the parking lot, and you're back in the silence of your home by the end of the hour.

The rest of your day is spent lazing around the house, and you're asleep when you hear a knock at your door. After Jeff's death, you started keeping your gun in your nightstand, more out of a general sense of security than any specific acute fear, but its proximity during late night calls has given you the peace of mind you needed to finally sleep through the night.

Lifting it from the drawer, you hold it behind your back as you tiptoe to your front door and look through the peephole. When you don't see anyone, you carefully pull the door open, only to find a small packet sitting on your welcome mat with your name scrawled on the top.

After bringing it inside the house and locking the door again, you pry open the seal and extract a large piece of paper covered in a series of numbers and dots.

That's when the phone rings.

***

"How's it going?" you ask Reid and Morgan as you enter the conference room where all of the Fisher King's clues have been laid out. Neither of them have taken their eyes off the paper you brought in since you tacked it up on the board.

As expected, Reid doesn't look up. "The answer to what book we need has to be in here."

"Yeah," Derek sighs, glancing over at you, "but we sure as hell can't see it."

"Yet."

You look at the numbers again, hoping that your short walk to the coffee station and back would have been enough to unlock something new in your brain. Nothing. "The answer has to be based on specific details of each person's clue." A small sound turns your attention to the couch, where Elle is lying on her side. "Is Elle asleep?"

"I'm awake!" she starts, sitting up lethargically.

At the outburst, Hotch walks into the room and points at her bags. "I'm sending you home. You need to get some rest."

"No-"

"We won't do anything without you, I promise."

"Elle, seriously, we're not any closer than we were."

She nods, her lack of sleep seeming to dawn on her as she yawns again.

"Anderson," Hotch calls out, before you stop him. "What is it?"

"I can take her home," you suggest, looking over your shoulder as she lugs her bags down the hall with bleary eyes. He looks like he wants to protest, so you speak up before he has the chance. "She barely knows Anderson. I'll make sure she's settled, and then you can send him to watch her house, so I can come back here."

"I don't know if that's a good idea," he sighs, his eyes still trained on Elle's silhouette lingering by the elevator. "We may need you here."

You cock your head at Reid and Morgan, who have been sitting in the same positions for so long, you're surprised their necks haven't locked. "It's like they said. We haven't made any progress in over an hour. I'm not helping here."

He still looks unsure, but you know it's just worry. He'll always worry about you. "Okay, go. Call me in an hour to check-in."

You dip your head in a nod and jog through the bullpen to catch Elle as she's heading out.

"So you're my bodyguard, huh?"

You laugh, pressing the button for the ground floor. "Something like that."

"Good," Elle says, trying and failing to stifle a yawn, "you're much more fun than Anderson."

"Prettier, too."

The car ride to her house starts off silent, but eventually you break your internal promise to let her come to you. "How are you feeling after last night?"

She just shrugs. "It was more annoying than anything. I'm just glad I got to enjoy at least some of my vacation."

"I heard there was blood all over your room," you point out lightly, trying to broach the subject in a delicate manner. "That can't have been fun to wake up to."

"It was all on the outside. That's part of why they weren't able to hold me. That, and Hotch's lawyer chops."

You raise an eyebrow, glancing over at her as you pull over to the sidewalk. "His lawyer chops?" You know he used to be a prosecutor before joining the bureau, but you never got to see his skills in action.

"Yeah," Elle gushes, her face brightening considerably, "you should have seen the way he walked in there. Those beat cops had no idea what hit 'em. He was in full prosecutor mode, went all rainmaker on them until they released me."

You can imagine it. If any of you were in trouble, he wouldn't let anything get between him and your safety. "I wish I could've seen that."

When you put the car in park, you help Elle with her bags and walk her up to her door, where she insists that she'll be fine on her own.

"I promised I would wait with you until another agent could come and relieve me," you emphasize, instinctively scanning the vicinity around her home as she walks inside and drops her things on the floor.

"In about thirty seconds, I'll be passed out on this couch right here," she points at the window seat behind her, "so you'll just be watching me sleep for an hour."

You open your mouth to argue but she cuts you off. "Y/N, I'll be fine."

If there's one word to describe Elle, it's stubborn, so you let her shut the door behind her and you walk back to your car. Even if she won't let you sit with her inside, you still can't bring yourself to start the ignition, so you lean your seat back halfway and close your eyes, just for a few moments.

You haven't gotten much sleep either, and you're about to doze off when you hear a loud thud from outside the car. Jerking up, you undo the clasp of your holster and push open the car door. The world is silent, except for the rustling of leaves in the wind, but you start making your way up the drive, just to be sure. There's another thud, quieter this time, and you reach for your sidearm as you ascend her porch steps. Then comes a gunshot.

You start running.

[offside-the-lines]

tell me who i run to (if not you) | anthony beauvillier

"The first sip is joy, the second is gladness, the third is serenity, the fourth is madness, the fifth is ecstasy." - Jack Kerouac

Summary In July of 2023, Evie looked at a list of cities in North America and rolled a die. Just like that, she packed up her life and moved to Chicago, a fresh start. The 2023-24 NHL season started well for Tito; he did not expect the call on November 28th telling him that he was being traded. To the worst team in the league. And just like that. 10 months after being ripped from his home, he had to pack up and move again. To an unfamiliar city, and to unfamiliar faces. Which is why, when Tito and Evie ran into each other, quite literally, on Christmas morning, they both latched on to a familiar face. Over the next few months, they became close friends. They didn’t talk about the nights shared in Chicago clubs.  They didn’t need to. Because they're just friends.  Right?

This is a completed fic split into episodes for easier reading. It was written for @bqstqnbruin as part of the Winter Fic Exchange 2k24 hosted by @wyattjohnston.

Episode 1. Blue Christmas (4.9k) Episode 2. I. Winter (4.4k) Episode 3. Pal-entine's Day (4.8k) Episode 4. Four-leaf Clover (5.5k) Episode 5. Evie's Birthday 🌶️ (5.6k) Episode 6. II. Spring (4.8k) Episode 7. Not Goodbye 🌶️🌶️ (5.4k) Episode 8. III. Summer (4.8k) Episode 9. Tito's Birthday (4.2k)

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Under the cut: author's notes, tropes, warnings & disclaimer, fun tidbits, chapter summaries

Author's Notes: This fic was written for @bqstqnbruin as part of the Winter Fic Exchange 2k24 hosted by @wyattjohnston. It got so out of control long so quickly. I genuinely had so much fun writing this, it's basically my magnum opus; if you look closely, I think you can probably see my soul in there somewhere. I would like to thank @devilssacrament, @wyattjohnston, and @forgottenflowers for being my editors, holding my hand and keeping me sane in this. Also, thanks to @swissboyhisch, and @imperatorrrrr for being a sounding board for ideas . All of your help and support has meant so much to me. You are all just the fucking best, I am sorry this has been my entire personality for the past month, I will probably return to normal soon. Probably...

Tropes: a gut-wrenching mix of angst and fluff with a happy ending, slow burn friends to lover (tbh, idiots to lovers let's be real), alternating POVs

Warnings: alcohol (one instance of alcohol poisoning by side character), mature content bordering on smut (mostly occurring in clubs/public), references to a toxic past relationship. Disclaimer: This series is set in Chicago but does not mention the name of the team based there. Only other Chicago players mentioned by name are: Nick Foligno, Jason Dickinson and Connor Bedard. Other notes: NHL players featured Mat Barzal (a heavily featured supporting character/bestie) and brief mentions of Zach Hyman and Matt Martin. Assume that Tito and Evie are always speaking in French with each other.

Face claim for Evie (if you want one, but you can imagine whoever you like): Adeline Rudolph

Fun Tidbits: Original Character (she/her) called Genevieve Gignac or Evie (pronounced eh-vee) is the oldest sibling of Tito's juniors teammate and friend Brandon Gignac. Along with their other sibling Wiliam, they grew up in Montreal. Evie had been living in Toronto for six years, before moving to Chicago in the summer before the fic starts. I did way too much research so a lot of the little facts are true. Nicknames: (ma) chouette (shoo-wet): owl (mon) chou/chouchou (shoo): in practice, honey, sugar, baby, sweetheart // by definition, my cabbage or my profiterole/cream puff (depends who you ask) Solours (soul-oars): the Québécois name for the yellow Care Bear with the smiling sun on its belly Solou’ (soul-oo): a diminutive Evie decides to use

Cook, Cook, drink your tea, But save some in the pot for me. We'll watch the tea leaves in our cup When our drink is all sipped up. Happiness or fortune great, What will our future be? -- "Afternoon Tea at Pittock Mansion" by R.Z. Berry

Episode Synopses:

Blue Christmas Evie and Tito are both starting life anew in Chicago. It's an unfamiliar city with unfamiliar faces. They're both alone on Christmas. Maybe it's fate that brings them together. Jason and Alandra Dickinson are already smelling smoke from this fire.

I. Winter Tito injures his wrist in the first game of 2024, he’s out for 6-8 weeks and then his car breaks down. He thinks maybe he’s cursed. Evie becomes a shoulder to lean on. Barzy gets suspicious.

Pal-entine’s Day Tito returns her kindness by being a shoulder Evie can lean on when she is having a hard time after all-star break. She tells him it’s anxiety about work. He brings her a box of pastries and they cuddle on the couch all day; he doesn’t realize it’s Valentine’s Day. Later, a hook-up goes very wrong.

Four-leaf Clover Tito’s been playing again, and during his first stretch of away games begins to miss home. Well, Evie’s home anyway. When he sees her in the bar, he can’t help but show it. Barzy calls him out on his lies.

Evie’s Birthday Sometimes the music moves you. Sometimes the bass pounding in your chest makes you do things you wouldn’t do. Fuck it, it’s your birthday. That’s what Evie tells herself anyway. There are gifts given, but there are also secrets kept. 

II. Spring Tito tries to tell her— he does— It’s just he needs to find the right time, and something keeps coming up. Evie’s honest with herself. But does that even matter? Mat decides maybe it is his time to intervene.

Not Goodbye Evie realizes that her time is running out. To do what? She doesn’t know. But she has one last night to find out. That is until— Well. It’s too late now. Tito flies home and wonders if that will be the worst mistake of his life.

III. Summer They try to get on with their summers as if nothing is wrong, convincing no one. How long will it take them to realize they can’t keep pretending like everything’s fine? And who will finally take the leap of faith?

Tito’s Birthday Tito receives the best birthday present he has ever gotten: the girl he loves standing at his parent’s front door. It was never destiny or fate; it can only be by choice. And they’ll choose each other every time. Eventually, anyway.

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[thegayhimbo]

Stranger Things The Dustin Experiment Review

If you haven't yet, be sure to check out my other Stranger Things Reviews:

Stranger Things Reviews/Theories:

Stranger Things Play:

Stranger Things The First Shadow

Stranger Things Comics/Graphic Novels:

Stranger Things Six

Stranger Things Halloween Special

Stranger Things The Other Side

Stranger Things Zombie Boys

Stranger Things The Bully

Stranger Things Winter Special

Stranger Things Tomb of Ybwen

Stranger Things Into The Fire

Stranger Things Science Camp

Stranger Things “The Game Master” and “Erica’s Quest”

Stranger Things and Dungeons and Dragons

Stranger Things Kamchatka

Stranger Things Erica The Great

Stranger Things “Creature Feature” and “Summer Special”

Stranger Things Tales From Hawkins

Stranger Things x Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Crossover

Stranger Things The Voyage

Stranger Things “Deliver Me From Evil”

Stranger Things Tie-In Books:

Stranger Things Suspicious Minds

Stranger Things Runaway Max (Part 1 of 3)

Stranger Things Runaway Max (Part 2 of 3)

Stranger Things Runaway Max (Part 3 of 3)

Stranger Things Darkness On The Edge Of Town (Part 1 of 3)

Stranger Things Darkness On The Edge Of Town (Part 2 of 3)

Stranger Things Darkness On The Edge Of Town (Part 3 of 3)

Stranger Things Rebel Robin Book and Podcast (Part 1 of 2)

Stranger Things Rebel Robin Book and Podcast (Part 2 of 2)

Stranger Things Hawkins Horrors Review

Stranger Things Flight Of Icarus

Stranger Things Lucas On The Line

Stranger Things Episode Reviews:

The Vanishing of Will Byers (Part 1 of 2)

The Vanishing of Will Byers (Part 2 of 2)

Synopsis: Following the Battle of Starcourt, Dustin attempts to adjust to life in high school as he deals with the fallout of being targeted by bullies and his friends growing distant. When he learns of a science fair taking place in Indianapolis, Dustin enlists the help of Eddie Munson to get the project off the ground as he begins to consider his future.............

Observations:

I ended up reading this book twice, prior to the 2024 Election. First time was difficult to get through due to a slow beginning and my mixed feelings about the last 4-5 pages. Rereading it a second time and thinking things through was a more positive experience, and I ended up having a lot of fun with the story, especially when it came to Dustin's science project and his personal adventure at the science fair.

In terms of how I'd rank it, I'd say it's definitely better than last year's Flight of Icarus, and even a cut above Lucas on the Line due to not having continuity errors. However, it's not quite to the level of Rebel Robin or my Top 5 best tie-ins in the series. There were issues with it, but the book does a good job sticking after you've finished it, and what it presents does make me excited for the direction they could go with Dustin in season 5.

I'll start with the parts I took issue with, and work my way up to the positives that made the book worth reading:

Part 1: Bullying (i.e. The First 3rd of the Book)

Those who have followed my blog know I don't have any patience for bullies. In fact, when it comes to Stranger Things and the themes it explores, I have a harder time watching scenes with characters like Troy, James, Tommy, Carol, Billy, Jason, Angela, the Rink-O-Mania crowd, and Two, in comparison with the horror aspects like the Upside Down, the Mind Flayer, and Vecna. A lot of it has to do with how the bullying is uncomfortably grounded in reality, as well as a lifetime of experience on my end dealing with people like this (both on social media and off it). The last year alone especially has been eye-opening with how shamelessly vile and hypocritical some people will be, especially if they think they can get away with it. It's gotten to the point I'm not hesitant anymore about blocking people, or dragging them over the coals if they continue to poke the bear one too many times. At some point, you either develop tougher skin and a "No patience for bullshit" attitude, or you continue to be a target and a dormant for these people. I chose the former.

Having read Lucas on the Line beforehand, I knew that a story focusing on Dustin between seasons 3 and 4 was bound to focus on him and Mike getting bullied, and wasn't surprised when they depicted it in all of its ugliness:

I'll be honest in admitting I never liked Jason as a character. When I first saw season 4, I pegged him immediately as self-absorbed and coasting on self-righteousness and arrogance (even before Chrissy got brutally murdered), and the way things played out did NOTHING to alter that perception. While I initially felt bad for him over the grief and anger of losing Chrissy, that immediately vanished the moment he whipped the townsfolk into conducting a witch hunt against the Hellfire Club without giving a damn about whether innocent people would be hurt in the process (which they were).

Since the release of Season 4, and the subsequent tie-ins that have accompanied it, my opinion of Jason has NOT improved, especially with how this book, Lucas on the Line, and Flight of Icarus depict him as a bully with his own prejudices and anger issues that would lead him to look for any excuse to pick fights with people he didn't like.

I would go as far to argue that Chrissy's death didn't turn him into a monster so much as it brought out the nastier aspects of his character that were already there to begin with. This dude was a timebomb waiting to detonate, and even if Chrissy hadn't died, something was eventually bound to set him off.

On top of that, Jason's treatment of Mike in this book is pretty awful, and only made him more detestable. It also makes his not-so-subtle threat to Nancy in "Papa" about going after Mike a lot more heinous in hindsight:

The book helps flesh-out Mike and Dustin's irritation with Lucas wanting to join the basketball team and why they have a problem with it. It also give context into why they believed Lucas was deluding himself when he claimed this would allow him, Mike, and Dustin to become popular in High School and therefore untouchable to bullies: That was ALWAYS a fantasy that was never going to happen. Jason and his squad were repeatedly awful to Mike and Dustin during their first year of high school, and no amount of Lucas kissing up to Jason was going to change that. Their frustration with Lucas was less about him wanting to play basketball (though neither of them show much enthusiasm for the sport to begin with) and more about wanting Lucas to wake up and realize how much of an asshole Jason and his buddies are.

I've seen fans criticize Mike and Dustin in the season 4 premiere for skipping Lucas's championship game to do Eddie's D&D campaign, and while I initially could understand that position, having time to reevaluate has made me realize they probably made the right call in hindsight. For all of his flaws, Eddie accepted Mike and Dustin and gave them sanctuary within the Hellfire Club, which made their lives in high school bearable. He even offered that same courtesy to Lucas in spite of Lucas also doing basketball (something that Jason had no intention of ever doing for Mike or Dustin while they were a part of Hellfire Club). Whatever acceptance Jason initially gave Lucas (which arguably had a lot to do with Lucas making the winning shot in the championship compared to if Lucas had messed up and cost them the game) came with strings attached. The moment Lucas crossed Jason is the moment he would become Jason's enemy, regardless of the reasons.

All of this makes me indifferent towards Jason's eventual fate. I'm not going to say I was glad he died, but at the same time, my sympathy was nonexistent by the time he bit the dust. Some people might call what happened to him Karmic Overkill, but Stranger Things has always made a point in demonstrating that karma doesn't distribute itself how you want it to. Decent characters like Barbara, Chrissy, Benny, Bob, and Eddie all suffered horrific fates they didn't deserve, whereas awful people like Troy, Tommy, Carol, Colonel Sullivan, Dr. Brenner, and Angela were lucky if they got any sort of comeuppance. Hell, Angela is one of the most loathsome characters in the entire series, and the best she received for her sadism and public humiliation of El was a Grade 2 concussion as opposed to the grisly death she arguably deserved.

Hell, I would go as far as to argue everyone in Rink-O-Mania who took part in El's bullying deserved a gruesome end a la Stephen King's Carrie, but I don't get to make that decision, and neither did El. They're all disgusting people devoid of any redeeming qualities, and I won't feel bad when they're eventually on the receiving end of the cruelty they've dished out (especially since none of them have the self-awareness to recognize how mean-spirited they are), but the cold hard reality is people like Angela and her ilk get away with that kind of behavior in real life (as we just saw a few weeks ago with the 2024 U.S. Elections). Characters like Angela and Jason getting any sort of consequences for their behavior, even if it's small, is cathartic for me, and that's not something I'm going to apologize for.

I will say that, for all the bullying Dustin experiences in this book, he handles it in a mature manner. A lot of this has to do with Dustin having life experience dealing with this kind of crap, and recognizing how pathetic and unoriginal it is:

Out of all the characters in the Party, Dustin is the one who adapts well to his environment, and it's a big reason he's been able to survive the hardships life throws at him. It's something I admire about his character.

Part 2: Dustin's Friendships/Relationships

Adding on what I previously said, it's notable Dustin is the one who makes friends the easiest. He may have come late to the Party (around 4th grade, according to him), but he was able to integrate seamlessly with Mike, Lucas, and Will, which is something the comic Stranger Things and Dungeons & Dragons depicts:

A good chunk of this has to do with Dustin working to find common ground with people and seeing the positive merits in others. It's how he developed his friendship with Steve and looks up to him in a big-brotherly way. It's how he formed a bond with Eddie in this novel. It's even how he's able to reach across the isle towards people like Ankia (who initially has a haughty attitude towards Dustin before she mellows out), or Danny, or Suzie, or the kids at Science Camp as depicted in that comic:

It's a good life skill that will serve him well when (and if) he leaves Hawkins alive.

A central focus in this book is Dustin reevaluating what he wants in his life, as well as how he views his relationships. Since the events of the Battle of Starcourt, the Party has split, and Dustin feels he's been left to fend for himself. In many ways, the structure of the story echos what Lucas went through in Lucas on the Line, except in this instance, it's Dustin aiming to try out something new in order to deal with the changes in his life. While Lucas veered into basketball, Dustin decided to put his intellect to use by entering a science contest. Unfortunately for him, neither of his friends express much interest in his passion: Max is depressed and isolated following Billy's death and Neil leaving her mom, Mike has shut himself away following Will and El's departure from Hawkins, and Lucas is in basketball training and hanging out with Jason's jock friends, which causes friction between Dustin and Lucas. The most support he gets for the project is from his mother and Eddie.

Speaking of Eddie, his introduction doesn't disappoint. Just like in Flight of Icarus, Eddie is someone who's moved past caring how others think of him (something Dustin respects him for), has no issue publicly calling out Jason and his jocks for their bullying, and is quick to adopt Mike and Dustin into the Hellfire Club (and later Lucas as well). Dustin's desire to impress Eddie, first by fixing his walkman and later his AMP box, is what inspires Dustin's science project: A Super AMP box of his own that would allow Dustin to record sounds, play them back, and measure changes in distortion and signal-to-noise ratios. With some encouragement from Eddie (as well as a promise for a drive to the fair and an arrangement to listen to Eddie's playlist of Heavy Metal music), Dustin heads out on his own side-quest (as he cheekily puts it).

The friendship between Dustin and Eddie is a highlight, and Eddie's attempts at helping Dustin are hilarious as well as heartwarming. Eddie is someone who likes Dustin for who he is, and encourages him to not let others tell him who he should be:

In many ways, Eddie reminds me of Jay from Lucas on the Line who also acted like a mentor figure/friend to Lucas, and motivated Lucas to be his true self.

The tragedy is, in spite of both Jay and Eddie being positive influences for Lucas and Dustin, both of them were cruelly driven out: Jay was forced to move after being targeted in a racist attack against him, whereas Eddie got scapegoated for Chrissy's death and died before he got to clear his name. It's a parallel that reminds me of Karen's words to Nancy in season 3: "This world, it beats you up again and again until eventually........most people, they just stop trying." Both Dustin and Lucas have always been fighters (same with the other members of the Party), but it doesn't make it any easier that the people they care about disappear from their lives when they're at their most vulnerable.

Speaking of vulnerable, part of the conflict Dustin has with his friends is also similar to Lucas's conflict in Lucas on the Line where both characters are going through their own hardships and assessing whether their friends will actually be there for them. Dustin does clash heads with Lucas over basketball, but a good chunk of that has to do with the crowd Lucas is hanging out with. Dustin knows Jason and his jocks are NOT nice people, and is baffled over why Lucas would want to be someone like that:

It takes some time, and a few missteps, but Dustin is able to eventually not only see Lucas's perspective, but also Mike's perspective regarding his issues, and make amends with both of them before things permanently fall apart:

This isn't much of a spoiler since the group is united again at the end of season 4, but the suspense leading up to that point comes from HOW they're able to keep their friendship together in spite of life's tribulations. There's a moving scene at the Video Rental Store where Robin and Steve hold an intervention to get Mike, Dustin, and Lucas to reconcile. During it, each find out that, despite the surface differences, their fears are similar in nature: Behind Left Behind. Losing friends. Failing the people they care about. Their bond is a lot stronger than they give it credit for. And as Steve notes, a lot of the problems they're having are manageable if they're willing to talk through it:

Speaking of Steve, it was nice seeing the book cover his relationship with Dustin. Just like in season 2, Steve takes on the role of mentor as Dustin keeps barging into his workplace (oftentimes before Steve closes, or else scaring off customers in the process) to vent about his issues. Steve, of course, takes it in stride, and offers what advice he can (along with the new video releases that Dustin is interested in).

I was initially worried this book would feature petty jealousy and contrived drama between Steve and Eddie over which of them Dustin liked the best as a friend (similar to what the show Supernatural did with Sam and Dean Winchester in Season 8 when they introduced the vampire character Benny and tried to play him as the new "brother" that Dean wanted over Sam). Thankfully, the book steers clear of that. We get brief glimpses that Steve is insecure that Dustin has started to lose interest in him as a friend (something that Dustin refutes in the narration), but Steve never becomes actively malicious against Eddie or tries to prevent Dustin from seeing Eddie (which is in direct contrast to how the Benny/Dean/Sam drama played out in Supernatural). The regrettable thing is that, had Steve and Eddie talked beforehand (similar to how Steve was encouraging Dustin to talk to Mike and Lucas before making any rash decisions), they could have become friends a lot earlier before season 4. 😞

Suzie also makes an appearance, and just like with Steve, she acts as an encouraging presence and voice of reason for Dustin as he's navigating high school. Their interactions are sweet without being over-the-top, and they even run a book club where they discuss novels they're reading together. In fact, compared to Mike and El's stilted communication while they're apart in different states, Dustin and Suzie are a lot more open with each other about what's going on in their lives (minus anything to do with the Upside Down). It makes their relationship look healthy in comparison.

I know people see Suzie as a "take-or-leave" character, but I like her, and I'm glad Dustin and her are a couple. I'm not sure what the future holds for them, but I hope she is eventually clued in to the Upside Down. I'm also hoping we get to see her interact with other characters besides Dustin (like she did with Mike, Will, Jonathan, and Argyle in season 4) and maybe even have some kind of role in helping Dustin against Vecna's army. Who knows? Her intelligence and love for fantasy could be put to good use in that situation.

We also see a little more of Dustin's friendship with Will in how they keep in touch via letters. It's a relationship that remains solid, with a nice balance between Dustin's intellectual side and Will's perceptiveness. Will encourages Dustin with his science project, and gives advice to Dustin regarding his difficulties with Mike and Lucas, as well as what he should do with his future:

There is something to be said about Dustin and Will being the glue that holds the Party together. Considering that Dustin is able to talk about his problems easier with Will in letters than he's able to with Mike or Lucas, it gives the impression that, out of all the members of the Party, Dustin is able to relate better to Will. Or maybe it's because it's easier for Will to speak openly about his thoughts and emotions, compared to Lucas and Mike who struggle more.

Dustin's interactions with Max and El are shown briefly, but aren't given the same in-depth look as his other relationships. Dustin is aware of Max's depression and living situation (and later finds out she broke up with Lucas) and does what he can in offering to be there for her. As for El, while he doesn't know the particulars, he picks up pretty quickly that El is unhappy in Lenora for reasons that are obvious to the audience (May Angela continue to get hit in the face with a heavy object every day for the rest of her miserable life). 😒

Finally, there's Dustin's relationship with his parents. The few interactions I've seen between Ms. Henderson and Dustin have always given the impression they're close and that they do a good job supporting one another, and this book confirms that. She knows that her son is a genius and allows him to nurture his creativity and scientific interests (even as she's having to call the power company multiple times since Dustin uses up the electricity in the house). I like their mother/son relationship, and I'm disappointed she's not coming back for season 5.

As for Mr. Henderson..............Dustin sums it up best to Eddie:

This is pretty consistent with how Walter Henderson was depicted in The First Shadow, and I'm glad the book includes this nod to the play.

Part 3: The Science Fair

The middle part of the book, which deals with Dustin building his "Bard Box" (i.e. the AMP box he uses to record sounds) and his adventure with Eddie in Indianapolis, was my favorite part. Not only does it feature great bonding moments between Dustin and Eddie (including the hilarious revelation that Eddie has a fear of ducks), but there's a fun mystery Dustin stumbles upon while he's at the fair that allows him to put his deductive skills to work. It's a plot with similarities to the comic Science Camp in that Dustin meets a group of nerds like him whom he befriends and they work to track down a culprit with malicious intentions.

Just like with Science Camp, I won't reveal the particulars or who the culprit is, but it was pretty easy to figure out the culprit's identity. However, the journey with Dustin and the new friends he makes is enjoyable, and I wouldn't mind seeing those characters again in a future tie-in. There's also a fun bit with Eddie having to look after a duck named Frodo Quackins (yes, that's actually his name) and his ability to improvise and entertain people:

If Eddie had survived, he could have had a career in theater, and he would have been good in it. 😞

All of this leads up to a moment where Dustin is offered the opportunity to escape Hawkins and attend a prestigious science school called Eastwood. And the remainder of the book deals with Dustin struggling over whether to accept the offer or not.

Based on how season 4 went, you can already guess how that panned out.

And this brings me to where Dustin's story goes from here......

Part 4: Dustin's Future in Season 5

I've speculated for a while that, just like with Nancy's crusade to get justice for Barbara in season 2, Dustin will be trying to clear Eddie's name in season 5 for Vecna's murders. Based on the BTS photos they've released, it looks like there's a long road ahead for him:

I'm hoping there's a major payoff to this potential arc beyond just clearing Eddie's name. Part of the reason I brought up bullies like Jason and Angela earlier in this review is because I've started to grow sick of seeing the main characters repeatedly getting dumped on while receiving zero credit for putting their lives on the line to save the world. Meanwhile, assholes like Angela and Jason make the main characters lives a living hell, all the while enabled by the people around them, and are either coddled for their behavior (Angela) or memorialized for it (Jason). While I doubt Angela or any characters from Lenora (including Argyle) are coming back for season 5 (though if she does return for some reason, I hope Vecna causes Angela's head to explode), I have a sick feeling that Jason's hold over Hawkins will still be there by season 5, and characters like Dustin will be dealing with the fallout of Jason's crusade. Whether it's in the form of Jason's basketball team taking revenge for their fallen comrade, or Hawkins residents swallowing the propaganda about the Hellfire Club being a Satanic Cult, I expect life isn't going to be easy for a while. That's not even getting into how Dustin will still be grieving Eddie's death and having to put up with the slander thrown Eddie's way.

What I'm hoping for is that, during all of this, there is an eventual reckoning for Hawkins. That the residents are forced to come face-to-face with the lies, the bigotry, the prejudices, the bullying, and all the uglier aspects rooted in the town's social structures and history. I'm not going to be happy if the townsfolk remain passive while reacting to the horrors around them as the main characters are forced to do the heavy lifting in keeping Hawkins safe. We've seen that for 4 seasons now. It's old and tired. The status quo needs to be broken in a major way that forces changes in Hawkins which will actually stick. The show has hinted in season 4 that it could go in this direction, especially with Vecna destroying the town and opening a large gate, and I'm hoping season 5 makes the most of it.

There are plenty of stories out there that have done this. J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings did this with the Scourging of the Shire where the Hobbits had their lands decimated by Saruman and his men, and were forced to take up arms and become self-reliant in fighting back and no longer remaining isolated from the world around them. Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood also did something similar where the main characters were forced into a reckoning with how the nation of Amestris was formed, as well as the corruption rooted in its government, and make hard but necessary changes that would bring peace to the world and allow for a better future. That is the kind of arc I hope Stranger Things explores with Hawkins in the last season. Not just having the main characters receive credit for defeating Vecna and the Upside Down, but actually having the residents of Hawkins play a role in that and go through a permanent change in the process.

As for Dustin.........if he survives the events of season 5, I hope he gets the opportunity to leave Hawkins and pursue his scientific interests in a way that makes him happy and allows him to keep in contact with his friends and family. He deserves that much.

[autisticandroids]

belated fic rec list, part five: dabb era

so! this is for day 1 of @spnficrecfest (you will notice that that was yesterday two days ago. uh huh). and i am compensating by creating FIVE SEPARATE ERA-SPECIFIC LISTS. this one is for dabb era, which i'm lumping together because it has broadly similar vibes. i intentionally did not put any post-despair destiel fix-its on here because that's kind of a genre unto itself. mainly destiel, with some other pairings or gen as well.

other lists: endverse // seasons four and five // season six // season nine

my fave dabb era fics, in increasing order of length

still beautiful by filthyalleyway, .5k, mcd warning

dean makes a pretty corpse. destiel.

gaze into the distant sky by vaguesurprise, 2k

a jack character study, on the topic of bear traps. gen.

the first commandment by angelfishofthelord, 2k, chose not to warn

cas grieves jack, and he does what he has to for his family. gen.

carry on by goldmonger, 3k

a vicious little vignette of family life in the bunker. gen.

the last drop (makes the cup run over) by slopeslippers, 4k

jack isn't coping very well with being god. gen.

15x06 "golden hour" by hal_incandenza, 4k

what if golden time was worse. and more depressing. and crucially, what if jack was there, in cas' mind. gen.

frustration by bitterred, 4k

dagon and kelly play house. dagonkelly.

this was your child. i can't imagine the pain. by slipper007, 4k

cas grieves jack and learns to live with it. gen.

the center of the labyrinth by vaguesurprise, 4k, mcd warning

a horror story about being god's favorite. chuck/dean, minor destiel.

blood spins my head by vaguesurprise, 5k

dagonkelly lesbian awakening. now with demon blood!

no guts by adamwilliamsthevfxguy, 5k chose not to warn and mcd warning

cas lashes out at dean in season fifteen. destiel.

by your hand by slopeslippers, 6k, chose not to warn

moriah if it had gone the way cas wished it had. destiel.

chug jug with you (number one victory royale) feat. leviathan by wintertree, 7k

jack and crowley hanging out. gen.

hymnal by burningtea, 7k

cas and mary at christmas. character study. destiel.

samson went back to bed by piesexuality, 9k

one of my favorite fics in this whole collection. cas does what he must to protect jack. now with mindwipes! destiel.

and laugh at gilded butterflies by ireallydidthistomyself, 13k

a rework of jack's early childhood where cas was there, and then a rework of the malak box where both cas and jack go in it. destiel.

sometimes a kind of singing by adi_rotynd, 22k

an unflinching examination on tfw 2.0's family dynamic. technically wip but done enough to be fine. gen.

the trapdoor by hal_incandenza, 161k so far, violence warning

destiel. this is maybe my favorite on the whole list. a full rewrite of seasons thirteen and fourteen, with whole new episodes of supernatural contained within. what if instead of stupid, the meta storyline of supernatural was in fact good? and interesting? what then? what would happen?

[ceilidho]

Can you give us a summary of Bear for those who don't watch the Six? Because I read the bear fic cause I love you're writing, but I'm kinda lost about him I'm general lol

yes of course!!!

basic synopsis [stole from wikipedia lol]: Six chronicles the operations and daily lives of operators who are part of SEAL Team Six.

(spoilers below)

the overarching plot is about the kidnapping and eventual murder of Rip Taggart, a former member of Team Six. the show also goes over the personal lives of each of the men on the team and how their military careers affect their personal lives

Barry plays Senior Chief Special Warfare Operator (E-8) Joe "Bear" Graves a.k.a. Foxtrot Delta 1/FD1

most important plot points to help you get into my fic:

Bear is married to Lena, a school teacher (they were high school sweethearts); in the first episode (which takes place i think about a year and a half or so prior to the actual start of the show), they just found out that they're going to have a baby girl

Their daughter ends up dying at just a couple months old; it's hugely tragic and has a profound impact on both characters, but Bear is outwardly struggling a lot

Bear is a very religious man (like the kind of guy that can quote scripture from memory), but throughout the show, his relationship with his faith is becoming more and more strained as he feels like he's being punished for all of the killing that he's done as part of Team Six

Since the death of their daughter, Bear and Lena have also been having a lot of trouble conceiving (hence, the fertility clinic scene with Bear jacking off) - we later learn that this is due to a fertility issue on Bear's side (another thing that he takes as a sign that he's being punished - this guy is having a rough fucking time)

All of this is obviously also having a profoundly negative impact on Bear's and Lena's marriage; through the two seasons of the show, they gradually grow apart and eventually separate. Bear is fighting this the whole way through; he's intensely jealous when he suspects her of dating someone else and also struggles with the idea of moving on himself.

(I don't think it's confirmed, but we all imagine he's like Baptist or something; again, I emphasize, deeeeeppllyyy religious.)

As mentioned earlier, his former team member and close friend, Rip, dies at the end of season 1, which is just another thing causing Bear to spiral. Earlier in season 1, Team Six also lost another comrade named Buckley.

I mentioned earlier that Bear struggles with the concept of moving on from Lena and finding someone else. At one point in season 2, he does eventually sleep with someone after a night out at the bar, and to me this is a crucial moment in his character development because it shows just how far he's drifted from the church and from his religious beliefs.

Things that happen in the show but I'm not putting in my fic:

At the end of season 2, Lena is shot and killed. I'm not super interested in putting this in my fic, so in my fic, they've just officially gotten divorced and she's moved away.

[gwenyn28]

The relationship of it all...

Or „why you shouldn’t close on Buddie after episode 5”

“The relationship between Buck and Tommy was so present this episode. They sure are a thing. I am convinced Tommy will be Buck’s endgame.”

A few of us might have read stuff similar to that. Some people might even agree though still being Buddie fans while also feeling disappointed and starting to question things, maybe even closing on “our” ship.

So, bear with me, saddle up and let’s get into that whole relationship thing and how this episode was not “closing worthy” at all. Disclaimer: I already posted this on twitter and since there were a lot of people interested in what I had to say, I decided to take the leap and post it here as well, even though certain people might find it... I also edited the text slightly, putting some thoughts others had in to make if feel complete.

First of all, a short callback to my post about screenwriting I did a while ago. Remember I said that “everything shown in an episode, on screen, is intentional” and there is this “show, don’t tell” rule. Keep that in mind all the time. Because the portrayal of Buck’s and Tommy’s relationship really has a lot to “tell” when you look at what is “shown”.

All in all, we had like six scenes with Tommy present this season:

the birthday party in episode 1

the hospital scene with Buck’s dislocated shoulder

him and Tommy at the loft

Buck, Eddie and Tommy with the boils the next morning

the hospital scene for Denny’s surgery

the cemetery at the end

The last five have all been in episode 5 and that was a lot of screentime compared to what we have seen in prior episodes.

Concerning this season, Tommy had barely a minute of screentime in episode 1. This included two lines he had to deliver at the birthday party scene. One, when Buck complained about Gerrard and the other one was when Buck and him hid behind the couch for the surprise.

There is no need to dive deeper into these two lines and the meaning of them because this could fill a completely different post. So, let’s just roll with him being there in that scene. And I am honestly not surprised about that.

Episode 1 was needed to show him to remind the audience that Buck is still bisexual (and no, it was not just a phase!) and yes, he is still in a relationship with a man. This scene was to pick upo where we left Buck in season 7 and to bring everyone who might have forgotten about it up to date.

Episode 1 did not only do that with Buck and his story, they did this with all the other characters as well. So the audience was reminded of Bobby’s and Athena’s house being burnt down, the whole Mara/Ortiz drama, that Chris left for Texas, Gerrard being the Captain of the 118 and so on. So, Tommy-wise he had to be there so that the audience would also remember Buck’s current situation – bisexual and in a relationship.

All in all, the narrative purpose of that episode was to show were we have left the characters in the season 7 finale and to introduce the opening emergency with the plane/bee-nado to start the new season.

It worked.

And Tommy had served his purpose concerning Buck.

Now, let’s move on to the next episodes.

It would have been an easy thing to include him in episode 2 to 4 as well. Not necessarily in a physical form because that would mean screentime for him and therefore less screentime for others when the focus should be on them (like Athena landing a damn plane on a highway).

But there are other means to include a character from a purely storytelling perspective. All the characters, mainly Buck since he is in a relationship with Tommy and/or Eddie since Tommy and him are supposedly friends, could have mentioned him.

For example:

Buck could have talked about being on a date with Tommy randomly on the way to a call or when they were cleaning the engines or whenever. He could have slipped in a sentence or two about meeting up with Tommy before or after shift.

Eddie could have done that as well because they are friends and might have gone to watch another fight, work on a car or do stuff they did in 7x04.

Buck could also have called him for advice with the plane emergency since Tommy is still a pilot. Yes, he is able to fly a helicopter and that is not a plane but he still works at Harbor which is the air support unit and he might have some knowledge or he might know someone who has.

These are just a few examples that could have established the importance Tommy has for Buck (and maybe also for his friend Eddie) in the episodes when there was no time or place to show him physically.

But, and that is the important part here to put the focus on, the writers decided against it. We almost forgot that Tommy existed AND that Buck is in a relationship with him.

I can already hear people saying that the focus was not on Buck and his story in these episodes so it was not important to mention him or to have Buck (and Eddie) talking about him. Yes, I might agree with that. That could be one reason for not including him in any way.

So, let’s simply ignore episode 2, 3 and 4 and put the focus on episode 5 in which Tommy WAS included in a physical way with a lot of lines and screentime. Because Buck is a main character and including his current love interest seems to be important for the plot and this probably has to mean something.

But before we dive into WHAT it could mean, let’s just take a little break. Because I might have a question to ask that has not necessarily to do with Tommy.

It is more about tv shows in general, especially how relationships are portrayed on screen. Because, how do you think the writers would do that? Remember. “Show, don’t tell”. I think we can agree that, following this rule, there should be a certain level of connection and intimacy (not necessarily in a sexual way) be shown through understanding, words and physical contact.

That is exactly what the writers would do. To establish a relationship, to show the development as a couple. They would show certain things on screen. So that the audience notices (or maybe just remembers) that these two people are in a relationship with each other and that there are romantic feelings between them.

It won’t be enough just to state that they are boyfriends. It cannot be as simple as that. Because if it is just voiced once, it might get overheard. And let’s be honest, in an ensemble show with so many main characters and storylines next to each other, so many things happen and the focus shifts ever so often. So, in this case the “show, don’t tell” rule should and has to be used. Show the relationship with little or sometimes even bigger things to keep the reminder up. That is important especially for newer relationships the audience is not used to yet. So, that it will always be in the back of their minds that these two people are a thing.

To anticipate the conclusion of the following explanations: The things described here did not happen with Buck and Tommy in this episode at all. On the contrary.

But, let’s break it down to each scene.

I will try to point out the things that could have shown their connection. That could have been about them as a couple so that the audience is given the “relationship reminder”. And then I will look at what was given us instead.

In the hospital with Buck’s dislocated shoulder

Tommy could have hurried to the hospital because even though the injury is not lethal, it is still his boyfriend that is in the hospital and he should be with him because he cares about him and is worried.

entering the room with a relieved sigh that Buck is indeed kind of okay, giving him a half-hug not to jostle his shoulder, leaning down to peck his lips, cheek or even kiss his head

sitting down onto the bed next to Buck, holding his hand while Buck explains what has happened

nodding along to Buck’s word’s, maybe teasing him a little bit in a playful way for the weird assumption of being cursed

sharing that important moment between just the two of them

What we got instead:

them NOT being alone because Eddie is there the whole time: To show the connection between Buck and Tommy they could have made Eddie leave after Tommy arrives with something like “thanks for looking after Buck until I could be there for him”. But the writers didn’t. Eddie was there with them the whole time, finishing Buck’s sentences and commenting on his antics with a fond look, being included in the conversation and not making a move to leave Buck and Tommy on their own.

Tommy not being in a hurry to get to the hospital: He stated that he left after his shift ended and he changed out of his uniform before being on his way to the hospital. Both these factors show that he seemed not to have been in a rush, that he took his time to get changed and ready, probably also taking a shower that would delay his arrival at the hospital. This could be interpreted as him not being seriously worried about Buck. Not like a doting and caring boyfriend would be, slightly stressed that his partner is at the hospital, not really taking the time to get ready because of being worried about the other. His thought only with Buck, to get to him asap. This slightly off behavior is even more obvious because there is a direct comparison to Eddie who we see being there in his LAFD shirt, straight after work (or maybe even going with Buck to the hospital straight from the call) and who stayed with him even though Buck is not seriously injured.

Tommy telling Buck that he heard about the “corpse incident” and that he was laughing with his co-workers about it. And yes, I get it. It is kind of funny and something that seems to happen to the 118 a lot. I am sure they are the talk of the day every time at all the other stations. And I get that Tommy thinks this is funny and that he would laugh about it. But there is no need to TELL his boyfriend that he was laughing about him with his co-workers. We saw Buck’s reaction to that. He looked kind of sad and hurt.

Eddie and Tommy laughing about the curse: Both of them were making fun of Buck and his assumption that he is cursed. But there is a huge difference between the two of them. Eddie knows Buck for six years. They are best friends. He knows what Buck can take concerning teasing and mocking him. He knows about the other’s boundaries. I mean, remember him making a joke about the tsunami and lightning. So, him laughing at Buck and the thought of being cursed can be seen as normal friendship behavior between the two of them. They are close enough to know how to take these jokes. While on the other hand, there is Tommy who knows Buck for just a few months. He has no clue what kind of jokes Buck can take and their relationship is not shown on screen (!) that they already have that deep connection to make this kind of jokes. So, it looks a bit mean to a. burst out laughing in front of Buck and b. tell him that he laughed with his co-workers about it as well.

the Visitor’s badge: Tommy wears a visitor’s badge while Eddie has none which could imply them being on a different level. That while Tommy is just a visitor Eddie is more important and more like a pillar of stability and just there. That he, compared to Buck’s boyfriend, does not need a badge because the hospital stuff knows him and that he is allowed to be in there.

Tommy needing Eddie’s “explanations” (for example the “Sergeant Grant” – “Bobby’s wife”) because he is not involved enough to know about these things in Buck’s life which is especially a bit weird because we remember him being at the cruise ship rescue where Bobby and Athena were rescued and he played a part in that.

no intimacy between the two people in a relationship at all: There was no real greeting. Just a “hey” and “thanks for coming”. Nothing that screams “THEY ARE A COUPLE!”. No kiss, no hug, no real touch. Tommy barely touched Buck’s knee for a second and that’s it. The whole conversation he was standing in front of the bed, unmoving, his hands to himself.

To sum this up. In this scene Tommy seemed more like a slightly concerned friend visiting another friend at the hospital who got injured somehow. Nothing in that scene was showing THEM being a couple and THEM being in a relationship. On the contrary. Not to put on any shipper googles but Eddie seemed more like a partner in that episode, the doting and caring boyfriend, than Tommy because the audience realizes that he has been there the whole time, sitting with Buck even though he is not badly injured, keeping him company and listening fondly to Buck’s weird assumptions.

You might argue that some of these points mentioned above might be a bit far-fetched. And okay, I give you that. I even said it myself that some things might be interpreted in a certain way. But since it is just my interpretation, let’s kind of put these things aside and break it down to the essential stuff.

Namely, what could have shown that Buck and Tommy being the ones in a relationship in that scene. It is kind of obvious – a. them being on their own with Eddie either leaving or not being there in the first place and b. them showing at least some kind of intimate connection with a touch or a greeting kiss.

But, nothing happened at all. Like I said. They looked more like friends than a couple in that scene.

Now, compare it to other established couples on the show. Remember Chim being injured and sick on his wedding day? Maddie was sitting with him. They had an emotional talk, they held hands, touched and kissed in the end. Now look at the scene with Buck and Tommy where Tommy did nothing like that. He was just there.

On to the next scene then.

Buck and Tommy at the loft

Buck’s shoulder was injured but the rest of his body was okay. So, he could have sat in his bed, complaining about the injury while Tommy coming up the stairs with medicine and food, listening to him.

Tommy could have sat down next to Buck so that he could pull Buck close, them cuddling up together and maybe another small kiss shared to show how much he cares for Buck.

Buck being on a deep dive about the corpse: we could have seen Tommy smile fondly at him, slowly closing the laptop and telling Buck to get some rest because he needs it. Because he is worried about his well-being.

Buck rambling about Billy’s background and Tommy sitting there, listening to him the whole time, chiming in with a comment or two and maybe even giving some input himself

They could have shared either the bed or couch with each other.

What we got instead:

Buck sitting in an armchair and Tommy taking the couch. I get why they might not have shared the couch because it is not that huge and they are both big guys. But Buck’s bed is perfectly fine. And Buck isn’t incapable of walking upstairs. So, instead of showing them sharing a bed they slept separately on the couch and the armchair. One might say that it was a doctor’s order that Buck had to sleep in a sitting position. But, and that is the important part: We don’t know about any doctor’s orders who could suggest that. Yes, it might be a thing. But a. 911 is not known for their medical accuracy (Buck should have worn a sling and not have leant on his former dislocated shoulder on the bed as well) and b. the writers have to assume that not everyone in the audience knows about that so they should have mentioned it. But none of that happened. So, the audience remembers them not sharing the bed or couch and being distant.

Tommy telling Buck to shut the computer down: He said he should stop being on his laptop. Buck then replied “five more minutes” and Tommy replied “you already had your five minutes”. This sounded more like an exchange between an adult and a kid (“Pleeeease, just five more minutes, I don’t want to go to bed yet!”) than between two people in a relationship.

Buck rambling and Tommy falling asleep: We know about Buck’s ADHD brain and how he can deep dive into topics he is interested in. The “curse” being one of them. So, while he lists all these facts and why he thinks that he is cursed and all the background for Billy - what is Tommy doing? He lays down on the couch, pulls up the blanket and turns off the light. It can be seen as “I don’t care what you are talking about, I am tired, let’s go to sleep.” It gives a very dismissive and condescending impression how Tommy acts towards Buck.

While Buck continues to talk, we can hear Tommy’s voice getting quieter, indicating that he falls asleep on him, not trying to stay awake to listen to his boyfriend who really seems to be concerned about being cursed. Yes, you could say that the curse is stupid and fake. But you usually indulge your partner’s weird antics, you listen to them and try to push them slowly in the direction you want them to go. Like “go to sleep” without them feeling like an idiot

Again, there was no PDA. No kiss, no hug, not even a proper goodnight.

There were probably a few more smaller things that could have been mentioned but I think the ones above are enough to get it. This scene didn’t really give boyfriend/relationship vibes as well as the hospital scene before. You could see Tommy here again as just a friend who takes care of another friend. But not his romantic partner.

Yes, the stuff above might be seen as “make up scenarios” and too much influenced by “fanfiction”. But let’s be real. This stuff is what keeps the audience invested in a relationship. Watching them being cute together. Seeing their shared touches and intimate moments. People start to relate to them and root for them. Because they start to love them on their screens, their dynamic as a couple.

But what we have seen here doesn’t really tell anyone to root for them as a couple. Because they ARE NOT portrayed as a couple at all. Compare it to the end of the episode when for example Maddie and Chim look at Jee’s Halloween pictures. They are cuddled up on the couch together, they are close, they laugh together. Or Hen and Karen with their kids, sharing moments and glances and touches.

Now look back at the scene with Buck and Tommy and you will spot the difference. It is visible for the audience that the relationship between them is different than the ones the established couples have. And you cannot explain it with them being in a new relationship. Because in episode 5 they are already together for around half a year maybe. So at least some intimacy and shared moments could be shown. They are not five, they are grown-ups. Kisses and touching should be on the menu for them.

Before I get on to the next scene let’s have a short callback to the hospital scene and the non-existent PDA there. You could try to explain that back at the hospital was none because they were in a public setting. Eddie was there and the hospital staff. Okay. But what about the loft then? What about this scene here? They were on their own, nobody there. Just them. They could have shared some touches or kisses. But the writers decided not to make them kiss, hug, cuddle up or touch at all.

Like I said. Remember. Things are intentional in a tv show and stuff shown on screen usually has a deeper meaning and a subtext. And so does stuff NOT shown.

Next.

Buck, Tommy and Eddie with the boils

Honestly, I am not sure what else they could have shown us here instead of what they did. So, I will just point out a few things and not diving too deep in the what could have been.

We know Tommy is a firefighter and a helicopter pilot. Therefore, he has some basic medical training concerning injuries. He probably has seen a lot of stuff because he was also in the army. But still, he did not even dare to touch Buck.

When he first spots the boils, he jumps away from Buck, not daring to get too close to him. As if he is afraid that the stuff could be contagious. He does not even react properly when Buck asks for his phone. Buck has to repeat himself with a slightly raised voice before Tommy hands him his phone because he is too engrossed in staring at Buck’s face and the boils on them. And while Buck stares at his image, Tommy continues to stare at his boyfriend from a distance.

Yes, people might say that it is completely relatable that Tommy does not want to touch Buck and that he wants to keep a safe distance, not daring to get too close. And I agree. If you look at the situation as if it happened in real life. But this is different. This is a tv show. There, something is just contagious if the writers want it to be contagious. They decide and you cannot compare it with what would be in the real world. In a show, on screen, when a person has a skin condition or any other disease, their beloved ones do not think twice about it. They care about the person they love. They want to be close, no matter what. They do not think about not touching them or whatever. This is also a means to show how deep a connection between two characters are. That even if one of them is sick the other cares and loves them enough to risk being sick as well.

Now, when we look at the scene with this background knowledge? We can question how strong Tommy’s feelings towards Buck really are and where they stand concerning the state of “I love you to the core, no matter what”.

The difference between Tommy and in this case Eddie again is also very clearly shown concerning this. For one, the writers decided to let Eddie be the person to help Buck. Not Maddie, his sister, who is a nurse or Chim or Hen who are both paramedics. No, it is Eddie, again, who is being put in between Buck’s and Tommy’s relationship.

We have already seen them act differently in the hospital scene and this difference is here in this scene as well.

While Tommy does not dare to get too close or even touch Buck, Eddie is the one in the end to treat Buck’s boils. He stands close and even dares to touch Buck after treating him without his gloves for the bet. We might not have seen the handshake (even though we know it is there due to the stills we got before the episode aired). But it is implied that they touch because we can see Eddie reaching out for Buck’s hand to shake it. And since later on Eddie pays Buck for losing the bet, we know that Buck has agreed on it. Therefore, they probably shook hands.

Another difference in Tommy’s and Eddie’s behavior towards Buck is that Eddie might make fun of Buck. But in the end, no matter how many times he laughs about the absurdity of a curse being responsible for the boils, he tries to be helpful. He offers an explanation (stress induced), tries to calm Buck down that it has nothing to do with a curse and assumes that it will be probably gone the next day, hence the bet.

During all of that Tommy is just sitting there, being absolutely unhelpful, just chiming in with unwanted comments. Like comparing what has happened to Buck with an “accountant cousin” who also gets gross boils when they are stressed. Buck is rightfully offended by the word gross and asks if Tommy thinks that he is gross as well which makes Tommy realize that this was the wrong thing to say.

Another point that should not be forgotten is that... until that moment when Buck is treated Tommy seemingly has no clue why Buck has been in the hospital in the first place. Why he had a dislocated shoulder. Eddie says something about him slipping on a pumpkin and Tommy is like "Oh, you have never told me. That is how that happened? See, there you have your explanation." referring to the rotten pumpkin seeds as a cause for the boils. This is such a dissonance in their relationship. Why did Buck not tell him how that happened? And more importantly, why did Tommy not ask? He took Buck home and was with him the whole evening and did not bother to ask for once? And before people say "but what if...?" No. Remember. We can just work with what we have seen on screen. And the audience sees that they spend time together but either Buck did not want to tell Tommy or Tommy did not ask.

These things, this behavior, showed again that they are not really connected at all. And the audience might question what kind of behavior that is because they are supposed to be in a relationship, right? Again, Eddie looks more like a partner here than Tommy, treating him, getting close, touching him, knowing about his injury, trying to be helpful.

The Denny hospital scene

Buck is concerned about Denny being injured; he is worried. Tommy could talk to him, to distract him.

They could hold hands or Tommy having an arm around Buck’s shoulder.

Tommy and the rest of the 118 family waiting here could talk with each other to show that Tommy is included and accepted as Buck’s partner, one of their own, and that Tommy is concerned about Denny’s well-being since we know how much they all care for the 118’s kids.

What we got instead:

Them just sitting next to each other without any PDA after Tommy brought the two of them coffee. Their shoulders just touch because they sit on these small chairs. It is kind of obvious if you compare it directly with Bobby and Athena who sit behind them. An established couple. Also, close and holding hands, talking to each other. Being connected through their shared concern for the kid.

When Tommy came back with the coffee, he kind of scolded Buck with “stop picking” and Buck replied “I am not picking” which, again, sounded more like an adult talking to a child than two people in a relationship.

The group chat message: Tommy isn’t included in the group chat which shows that he is not really close to the “family” (which was already indicated by Eddie’s comment about “Bobby’s wife” earlier on). Not that every partner has to be in there, but all the established couples are. We see that Chim, Eddie, Buck, Bobby AND Athena (who is not part of the 118 but Bobby’s wife) get the message. Tommy is left out, showing that he is an outsider.

The other thing with the group chat is: Tommy already did that twice in season 7 already. He talks about the importance of the 118, the found family and what they mean to each other. And back then and now it could be read as pure jealousy. That he is not that close to them but wishes to be. It seems to be more important for him to point out what a great connection they have than to show empathy and real concern for people Buck cares about. Like Bobby eventually dying in the season 7 finale and now Denny in surgery. Both times he switches instantly to his own feelings, his view on the 118 in general, not supporting his partner and his concerns and worries.

We see it again that Tommy seems not to be in tune with Buck and they aren’t acting like a couple. No touches, not tuning in to Buck’s feelings and worries. He is, again, just there.

So, last but not least…

The cemetery

Them standing next to each other. There would be no need to hold hands because this is a cemetery and it could be weird to show PDA. But at least stand next to each other.

Tommy chiming in with some words for Billy’s eulogy to show that he still might think this curse thing is stupid but indulging in Buck’s weirdness about it

Them leaving together, holding hands and sharing an understanding and meaningful look.

What we got instead:

Buck having a monologue about the dead body (that is also a montage for the other characters, showing Eddie being alone with the words “Truth is, I can’t imagine anything more painful than going through life alone.”) while Tommy stands there a few feet apart from him. We know he was already weirded out and not too eager to touch Buck due to the boils and him maybe being scared that this thing could be transmitted. But like I said before. Stuff is just contagious if the writers want it to be. And loved ones do not usually care about it anyway. So, him standing a few feet apart? Why other than to show that they are still not on the same level.

Buck calling Tommy out for not kissing him: He tells Billy’s grave that Tommy does not want to kiss him due to the boils, the curse, and being gross. Tommy might deny it instantly but the show does not support his statement that it is NOT like that. He can deny it all he wants but Buck points out that they have not kissed and the audience has not seen one kiss between them at all throughout the whole episode. So, the impression that is left with the audience is that Tommy might really not have kissed him because he was disgusted. And what kind of behavior is that from a partner in a loving and promising relationship?

When Buck leaves the grave with the words “Yeah, and lift the curse” he doesn’t look back and waits if Tommy will follow. He could have waited and taken Tommy’s hands to walk to the car together. But he left, not a second glance or checking in if Tommy really follows.

Tommy being against the curse the whole time and thinking it was stupid. But in the end, he also muttered a “please lift the curse” towards the grave. This might have been just for the fun of it. So, okay, I won’t put too much emphasis on that even though you could interpret it as well in a certain way.

I think there is no need to really break this scene down in detail because I talked a lot about the stuff for the other scenes that happened here as well. Them being distant and not touching at all, not showing a physical and intimate connection.

Yes, Buck might have called him his boyfriend in that scene. But honestly, that was the first time he said it and that was the only thing that could lead an uninformed viewer to the conclusion that they are in a relationship with each other and not just friends. And I said it already. It is not enough to say things once or maybe twice. You have to show it so that everyone watching the show gets it.

~*~

So, all in all… To finally conclude the stuff I wrote here.

TV shows usually show the audience that people are in a relationship by giving the people hints about it. Touches, glances and other stuff. Not because the audience is stupid or has no clue about what is going on. It is more to remind them and keep them entertained. And that they would start to be invested and root for the couple, especially if it is a newer one. They would show that this relationship is sweet and nice and something to like.

But with showing none of that and sometimes even showing the complete opposite the writers made it pretty clear that this is not it.

Yeah, I can see people rolling their eyes at my “make up scenarios” and takes about the PDA in particular, explaining that Tommy is probably not that kind of guy for these things. That he is more mature and reserved. And yes, you might be right. He could be. But, and that is the important part here. We don’t know about that. The audience doesn’t know about this part of Tommy’s character. If he is a touchy guy or not. It was never stated in the show because it wasn’t relevant until now. So, we have to go with what we see on screen and what is told through the actions here. And that is that Tommy and Buck show no affection in their relationship, that often their connection looks more like between casual friends than between a couple. And that the usual indicators for a couple’s behavior aren’t portrayed in this relationship.

If you look at all these scenes I mentioned above and how they showed Tommy and how he acts towards Buck, it is not really boyfriend-coded.

He makes fun of him that borders on being just mean. Unlike Eddie he does not have years of knowing each other under his belt so that he would know how much teasing and mocking Buck can endure. Tommy acts slightly grossed out by Buck’s look and he acts more like a parent towards his child in the loft and later at the hospital with his scolding condescending tone. There is no loving connection between the two of them due to touches or something similar.

Therefore… this relationship might be in a situation right now that is quite okay. But we can see that this cannot stay like that in the long run. To make it last, to make it into an “endgame” one, the writers would need to invest more time and especially more hints and development so that they can be easily compared with basic stuff the already established couples show.

Kisses. Touches. Hugs. Glances. An understanding for each other. Listening to each other. And so much more.

But right now, we might have seen Tommy in a lot of scenes this episode. But none of his scenes with Buck gave away that this is couple behavior and this is something for the future. So, there are just two options. Either they develop that relationship so that the audience (not the fandom!) can also relate to them as a couple and start to root for them or they break them up because it stays as underdeveloped as Buck’s other relationships before.

Last words?

If you read all that and thought about it, it is quite obvious that the relationship between Buck and Tommy might seem okay on a surface level and Buck also calling Tommy his boyfriend for now. But storytelling wise, from a writer’s point of view? It is not a good one because it is lacking so much connection that on screen relationships usually have.

So, calling it “endgame” now and that they are so happy with each other? I doubt it. A lot has to happen to make it more believable. Because right now (and yes, this might be the shipper’s googles talking) Buck has still more chemistry and connection with his best friend Eddie than his on screen boyfriend Tommy.

[mayzi33]

*clears throat.*

(apologize in advance for any mistakes english isn't my first language)

Alright. Here we go.

Look, I haven't watched MLP in a LONGGGG time. But recently with all the stuff I missed our and since the fandom is still pretty much alive and well I decided to take peek by peek in the seasons I haven't watched.

Until I came across, these guys

And I have so much to say.

I didn't write a script for this or anything so I don't know where this rambling is going so I just ask you to bear with me for as much as you can, okay?

Look, watching the Young Six episodes I've experienced one of the things that angers me the most. SUCH. WASTED. POTENTIAL.

You're telling me we got whatever the hell is G5 when instead we could have gotten THESE GUYS???? THESE COOL, UNIQUE CHARACTERS THAT ACTUALLY HAVE AN INTERESTING STORY THAT MAKES SENSE AND HAVE SI MUCH POTENTIAL TO BE ONE OF THE SICKEST LORE ARCS IN MLP???

I homestly don't know what Hasbro WAS THINKING in giving them so little screentime. There's so much I have to say but I'll try my best to keep my thoughts organized.

First things first, we'll need to talk a little about G5 or "Make Your Mark" series or whatever. I personally enjoyed the movie, though the story didn't make much sense (we'll get to that later) the characters were pretty nice, the songs were catchy and the animation was mwah. I didn't bother to watch all of the G5 series, because- (pardon to all who enjoy it) it's so. Freaking. Boring. Like I know there's a pony girl that's supposed to be a traitor among them but then grows onto being their actual friend and there's a villainess and that whole conflict and yada yada yada. But honestly there just isn't anything I found enganging in the entire thing. I can't explain it, it just feels- off. I know I probably don't have much right to talk, cause again, only now I'm diving into the mlp again after missing out A LOT, but I just can't bring myself to like that series.

Now, the whole School Of Friendship saga in the G4 series with our beloved Young Six, I know some people had some issues with it and it didn't please everyone, and while it does have some flaws and is certainly not perfect, you can't deny there was lots of potential. (I'll try to not overuse that word I'm sorry)

I personally, really liked the concept of different creatures from different cultures coming together and forming the perfectly diverse friend group. Episodes like The Hearth's Warming Club and What Lies Beneath were particuarly really fun, it was nice to dive into their cultures and backstories while also watching the six of them be vulnerable in front of one another and grow closer. If only they had more screentime and more deep episodes like that, they could have been in the top 10 found families in cartoons.

Now, just some other reasons as to why I think they're interesting characters and should've gotten more than what was given to them.

Because

1- Their whole deal is that they're not all ponies, that they're all different species. We get to learn lots about their different cultures and customs. It would've been such a good way to teach children about acceptance and respecting differences while also being entertaining. Especially in a school enviroment.

2- We got not one, but TWO male characters in the group. It would make little boys that are interested in mlp feel more comfortable and valid for it. AND those two males also have distinct personalities and their own active roles. Gallus being sort of the leader of the group, and Sandbar being the only pony therefore the one to stand up for his friends.

3- While they're supposed to be the new represantives of the elements of harmonies, their personalities are still interesting and different from the Mane 6.

Onto that, I really like how it's implied they could be the next helders (or whatever its called) of the elements of harmony. Given their special connection to the tree, how similiar they are to the previous groups (Mane 6 and The Pillars) and how Twilight LITERALLY LIFTED THEM UP AS WELL WHILE SHE SPOKE ABOUT HOW THE ELEMENTS WILL LIVE ON, it would've been such a cool concept.

Onto that, I wanna talk a bit about each of their characters too and how I think they could've been dealt with.

Gallus is the element of magic, but unlike Twilight who's all open and confident-spoken about friendship and all, Gallus is probably the one in the group that's the most closed-off and dislikes getting all cheesy. It would've been interesting seeing his development as the helder ot the element of magic. AND ESPECIALLY since he doesn't have magic in the first place, since Twilight and Starwirl were unicorns. So maybe he could make posions? Get powers someway else? Many posibilities

Sandbar is the element of kindness, but unlike Fluttershy he's extrovert and down to making friends. His overrall personality is that he's constantly very chill-going and nothing seems to ever upset or annoy him. So it also would've been interesting to see how that pattern would break, especially because of his element.

Yona is the element of honesty. She's probably the one that has the hardest time adapting to the Equestrians among the group, and even tried to act like a pony instead of herself one episode. It would've been interesting to see how her element of honesty reflects on how she should be true to herself, especially since her Yak culture comes a lot with honor.

Ocellus is the element of genority, yet, unlike Rarity, she's a lot more like Fluttershy, being timid and insecure, while also being smart and well-read like Twilight. It would've been nice if her development with her element would be gaining confidence in herself and being generous to others that way. Especially since she has a fear of being like the old changling queen (forgot her name) so imagine if she just turned out to be the opposite of her. Instead of selfish and cruel, being generous and kind.

Smolder is the element of loyality, but also like Gallus, she's also not into getting cheesy. But what I find imteresting about her is how she tries to keep her tough, agressive persona (since thats how dragons are) yet it is revealed she's actually interested in cute, fluffy stuff like tea parties and dresses. So it would've been cool to see her growing confident in admiting her interests, therefore being more like Rainbow Dash, who's always confident on herself

And last but not least, Silverstream is the element of laughter. But what's hooking about it is the fact that Silverstream herself probably hasn't KNOWN what laughter is for a long time, having to hide under The Storm King's rule. She's very talkctive, creative and extrovert, like Pinkie Pie, but she also has her trauma that haunts and intimidates her, unlike Pinkie who usually faces her fears headfront. Another great development story.

So just hear me out, okay. I don't care if MLP is over. I don't care if there's G5.

We. Need. A. Young. Six. Spin-off. Series.

I know it sounds crazy, but I genuely think this idea could work out if it was handled well enough, and Hasbro could make some good money out of this.

Just bear with me. A spin-off series set on the timeline between season 8-9 aka, still on the School Of Friendship, focused entirely on the Young Six. We could still get the Mane 6, of course, but mostly as support characters. It doesn't have to be a particularly long series, (though maybe that could work as well IF handled with enough care) maybe just 2 seasons or so. And I'm not thinking like a slice-of-life or fun little extra kind of thing, I'm thinking of ACTUAL lore. Just more about how the tree and the elements work, and how these six students could grow into being their new helders. In each episode it becomes more and more evident to them and the Mane 6 themselves that they're going to be the next generation of the elements. So imagine once they all fully it figure out and talk about it, the Y6 suddenly feel this pressure about how they're supposed to live up to their teachers and fear that they have to be EXACTLY like them. So we see Sandbar taking extra kindness classes with Fluttershy, Yona taking extra honesty classes with Applejack and heck even Gallus is taking studies more seriously (especially since he's supposed to be the element of magic which again I find imteresting since he doesn't really have magic at least not the way Twilight and Starwirl do. ) So we could have an entire episode about the M6 getting through to them and showing they don't have to be JUST LIKE THEM nor The Pillars. They can be their own people.

Another main-plot idea would be having more villains, probably trying to test them or tear them apart (cough cough like Swift Foot from the idw comics cough cough) or maybe you could even fit someone as intense as King Sombra, or maybe even even the return of Tirek, Cozy Glow and Chrysalis in there. (I remembered her name yay)

And, of course, more onto their characters, flaws, backstories and cultures! I would love to see more about their people and customs, just as much as I would love to explore their traumas, fears, ugly sides and how they overcome it together (cough cough found family COUGH COUGH GAGS)

And another thing, I especially would've liked to explore Yona's and Sandbar's relantioship.

I MEAN LOOK AT THEM-

Don't they give massive beauty-and-the-beast vibes? I love how their colors and body types contrast with one and another, and their personalities aswell. Yona being loud, cheerful and clumsy while Sandbar is calm, thoughtful and carefree. I just love the big girl x soooorta small guy vibes and I especially loved how gentle and reassuring Sandbar was towards her in that episode. I mean, "I don't care if you're not a pony, you're the best Yona I know." SERIOUSLY? WHO WROTE THAT LINE? I'D LIKE TO GIVE THEM A HUG. And also, onto the spin-off series matter, it would also be a cool topic to explore. Imagine if some ponies/yaks are judging them for having a relantioship while being different species and they learn to ignore them and live past that??? I usually don't care much for romance, (always prefered friendship and found families) but this would've been a nice little arc and episode theme to see.

Lastly, (I'm almost done I promise) to the more technical/economical part.

Like I said in the beggining, I genuely think Hasbro could make some good money out of this. Firstly because it will be using the G4 characters and lore and not...whatever mess of a plot G5 is.

And secondly because, if they took the time to give them some cool power-up designs like they did with the Mane 6, I'M SURE the toys would sell.

I mean- JUST LOOK AT THESE COOL DESIGNS I FOUND ON THE INTERNET?? (not mine, credits to whoever made it, you ate that)

DON'T THEY LOOK LIKE A TOY SET THAT WOULD CATCH THE CHILDREN'S EYES ON THE TOY AISLE? OH YES I THINK THEY WOULD.

And if anything, they could be as bold as to make an extra Equestria Girls (well, girls and boys) series with them. I know it sounds kinda dumb, especially given the fact that I'm not sure about how that would work given that when Spike went to the "human dimension" or whatever he turned to a dog... So Smolder would also be a dog? Sandbar would be the only actual human in the group?... BUT I'm sure they could come up with some excuse to make it work. Give them some cool, colorful outfits for different events and I'm sure it would sell. And ESPECIALLY since with Gallus and Sandbar in the group, it could get the attetion of young boys aswell.

Anyways. That was it.

Uhm. Conclusion: Hasbro should hire me. I know what I'm talking about. I think. At least a bit.

And I genuely think this could work if only SOMEONE gave it the time and care.

I don't know how to end ramblings so uhmmmm thank you all for coming to my pep talk.

They deserved better.

[otomehonyaku]

DIABOLIK LOVERS アニメ公式ノベライズ Official Novelization ☽ Chapter 2 Translation

[Previous chapter] ☽ [Next chapter]

Originally written by Yukuzuki Hiroha 結来月ひろは Translated from the Japanese by @otomehonyaku

STORY Following her father’s job transfer, Komori Yui is sent to live with the Sakamaki brothers. However, these six brothers turn out to be sadistic, ill-tempered vampires. The men are after Yui’s sweet and incredibly rare blood, and go to great lengths toying with her body and soul to get it. Before long, Yui finds herself trapped in an alluringly dangerous love game(1)...

1. 吸血愛戯 (ラブゲーム): Stylised as ‘love game’ but written with the characters for bloodsucking (吸血), love (愛), and play (戯). The latter character also has a connotation of playfulness/mischief.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

DISCLAIMER This is an unofficial translation intended for those interested in reading the story of the Diabolik Lovers game/season in a slightly more literary format in English. I have no affiliation with Rejet or Frontier Works whatsoever. All rights belong to them, but PLEASE DO NOT POST THIS TRANSLATION ELSEWHERE OR TRANSLATE TO OTHER LANGUAGES WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.

Now that that’s out of the way—have fun reading! ❤️

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Episode 2

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The evening sun cast a warm glow on the mansion. By the time the chandelier was lit, Yui was sitting on a bed in an unfamiliar room. 

Where am I?

Yui sat upright and looked around. In the corner of the room was the suitcase she had brought to the mansion, as well as her bag. The room was gorgeous with its pink tones and large bed with a lavender-coloured canopy that most girls her age could only dream of. However, Yui wondered why she had been sleeping in this room. 

I arrived at the mansion, and then…

Yui gasped. Right. I found out that they are vampires, that’s why. Remembering the moments leading up to her losing consciousness, she inattentively pressed her fingers to her neck. 

“Thank God, I wasn’t bitten.” Feeling reassured, Yui lowered her fingers to her chest, but suddenly noticed something. “Huh?”

She wasn’t wearing her own clothes, but instead wore a négligé that she had never seen before. 

“Did I change clothes earlier?”

However, Yui had no memory of doing so. In fact, she didn’t remember anything after Ayato pushed her to the floor and she lost consciousness. That meant a stranger had undressed her while she wasn’t conscious. 

“Why am I here? I want to talk to my father…”

Yui wrapped her arms around herself, a thought ran through her mind.

The fact that she is not my own child bears no meaning at all. 

That was what her father’s diary had said when she found it in the forbidden room. I’m not my father’s biological daughter after all… Still, she wasn’t quite sure if she really believed that. She didn’t want to.

“Dad… What’s going on? Please come back home…” Tears started welling up in the corners of her eyes when she remembered the days she’d spent with her father, but the moment was cut short.

“Oh, Bitchlet. It’s no use crying, y’know?”

Yui yelped in surprise. 

When she looked up, Laito was sitting there on her bed, watching her intently. 

“You look hot in your little négligé,” he said, “and you smell delicious, too.” 

Painfully reminded of her current lack of clothing, Yui scrambled for the bed sheets and used them to cover up her chest. Still, the smirk that had been on Laito’s face the entire time grew deeper.

“I wonder if you’re trying to seduce me, little bitch.”

“Why would I…” Yui made an effort to get away from Laito, but soon felt the headboard press into her back, and she knew she had nowhere to run. Oh no… If I don’t do something, he’ll…

The boy was only a hair’s breadth away from her face when he abruptly disappeared from her line of vision, along with the sound of an impact.

“Don’t go touchin’ my things without permission.”

Ayato was the one who had sent his brother flying. 

Laito repositioned his hat onto his head and looked at him. “Ayato, you’re too rowdy.”

“Shut up.”

Has Ayato come to my rescue? If he hadn’t come in, Laito would surely have bitten me. But why would he help me? Even though Yui had not said anything aloud, Ayato called out her wishful thinking immediately.

“I’ll have her.”

So he didn’t come to save me… he was only acting because he didn’t want me swiped away from under his nose.

“Please, don’t!”

“You three. If you do not hurry, we will all be late.” In the blink of an eye, Reiji had also appeared by the side of the bed.

“Again, Reiji?”

“Aw, man, things were just getting good…”

Ignoring Ayato’s and Laito’s complaints, Reiji turned to Yui. “You too. Hurry up and get dressed.”

Yui was glad that the second son had saved her from getting bitten once again, but grew suspicious at his words. “Get dressed? Are we going somewhere?”

“Of course. We’re going to class.”

“Class… at this hour?”

“Please, Yui. Your dull-wittedness is astounding. Do you really not understand anything until I spell it out for you? We attend night classes.”

Yui cast a glance upon the clock at her bedside, and the hands pointed to 5:20 PM. Had she not been here, her classes would have already ended at this time.

“But… we still have an entire day of classes ahead?” Having attended a regular school until now, Yui could not hide her confusion.

“Contrary to what is normal to humans, going out during the day is bothersome for us. As you will be living in the Sakamaki household from now on, we expect you to conform to our lifestyle.”

“But…”

“If you have any complaints, you are welcome to leave at any time,” Reiji said. He then turned to walk away..

“But you said you’d kill me if I ran…” The complaint slipped past Yui’s lips in a voice that was too quiet for Reiji to understand.

“What was that?”

“N-nothing.” Yui shook her head vigorously.

“Then please hurry and put on your uniform.”

When she followed Reiji’s gaze, she saw that a brand new uniform had suddenly appeared on her bed. It consisted of the same blazer that the brothers wore, and a skirt that had white frills attached to the hem. The white shirt ribbon that came with it was tied together with another red ribbon on the centre of the chest. Did they go through all that trouble to get me a school uniform?

“Um…” When Yui raised her face, the three brothers had disappeared from her bedside. And now they’re gone. They really are vampires… 

Alone once again, she sighed heavily. When she tried to get up from the bed, her hand grazed past her rosary.

“Right…” Yui tightly gripped her rosary. “This might be the time to look for the room where I found that diary.” The brothers would be gone, and she would have the room to herself. This chance might not present itself again. 

Yui went to the door and eased it open the tiniest bit in order to check her surroundings. Good. Nobody’s outside my room. Ready to seize the opportunity, Yui prepared to leave the room.

“Yo.”

“Huh?” Somehow, Ayato was standing right in front of her. 

No way. There was nobody here. 

He looked at her scantily-clothed form with an amused grin on his face. “You’re still wearing that? C’mon, I’ll help you change.”

“I’m fine, thank you!” 

Yui shut the door in his face and sighed again. 

Not a chance after all… because I’m not dealing with humans, but with vampires. I should keep my head down for now.

Having given up the idea of going to the forbidden room today, Yui reluctantly got ready to head to class.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

When Yui finished getting ready and descended to the ground floor, a large black limousine was waiting in front of the mansion. Are we… going to school by limousine?

She hesitated for a second, but the driver opened the door for her. 

Well, I guess I have no choice, then.

“Thank you,” Yui said to the driver before she climbed into the limousine, but he kept silent as he shut the door.

The limousine was spacious enough to fit all of the brothers, and Yui was the last one to arrive. When she sat down on a seat near the door, the limousine quietly departed from the mansion. 

The brothers didn’t talk to one another. The only sound that could be heard was the car’s engine, and the lack of conversation was in stark contrast with their behaviour yesterday. 

Yui looked at the brothers. They couldn’t have been more different from each other—they each had their distinctive hair and eye colour. Are they really brothers?

Reiji was reading a book, and Subaru was sitting next to him, staring out the window with a sullen look on his face. Maybe they just don’t get along. On the opposite side, Laito’s face lit up like he was scheming, Kanato was talking to Teddy, and Shuu was listening to music with his earphones in. 

They really aren’t talking.

“What’re you thinking about, Pancake?” 

Yui had been lost in thought until she was surprised to see Ayato coming towards her, and she instinctively held out her hands to avoid him. The vampire didn’t seem pleased by that. 

Taking advantage of sitting right next to her, Ayato moved in closer. “You got some nerve trying to disobey me, Pancake.”

“All this time, it’s been ‘Pancake,’ ‘Pancake’… I have a name, you know. It’s Komori Yui. Please use it properly.”

“Shut up. Names lost their meaning to me about a hundred years ago, Pancake,” Ayato retorted, drawing out the syllables. Obviously offended, he suddenly bent over Yui, his mouth going for her neck. 

SNAP!

The sound of Reiji’s book slamming shut broke the tense atmosphere.

“How many times do I have to tell you, Ayato? Take such behaviour to your own room.”

Grumbling, Ayato let go of Yui.

Thank God…

“And you. Take this.”

“Huh?”

Reiji held out a juice box for her. “It’s pure cranberry juice. It works best against anaemia.”

“T-thank you,” Yui said in earnest, feeling a little surprised at Reiji’s sudden kindness. 

“No need to thank me,” he responded, sending her a cold glare. “You will have to learn that you are simply our prey, and drink that every day.”

Their… prey? Yui’s hands trembled. She had known it deep down already, but still, Reiji’s cold words struck a chord. Her body was seized by fear. Soon, she was shaking.

“You know, Teddy? When humans are scared, their teeth start ‘chattering.’ Interesting, isn’t it? Let’s observe closely.” Kanato held out Teddy toward Yui.

To these men, all I am is prey. 

The one eye Teddy had that wasn’t covered by an eye patch gleamed at Yui.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

With her lips forming a tight line and her body absolutely rigid, Yui sat in the limousine for another while until it passed under the moonlit gate of Reitei Academy. So this is the night school they were talking about… This was her first time to attend a night school, but Reitei, with its courtyard bathed in moonlight, looked to be a particularly prestigious one.

Yui trailed behind the brothers after they’d gotten out of the limousine and followed them into the courtyard. It was bright and enormous, and the staff had done a good job keeping it tidy.

That’s good. Even though they teach classes at night, it still seems to be a normal school. Yui had felt a little uneasy when she was told to go to the school the brothers went to, but most of the students somehow seemed to be normal humans just like her.

The moment the Sakamakis entered the school’s courtyard, all students stopped and stared. 

Well, if you count out the fact that they’re vampires, they certainly are handsome… When Yui looked at them properly once again, their outward appearance was very well-put together. It certainly wasn’t strange for them to attract attention looking this good.

However, nobody tried talking to them.

Even when they passed through the hallways and a group of female students looked over while chatting with one another in a low voice, they fell silent when Yui returned their gaze. When Yui averted her eyes again, the girls hurriedly moved past them.

What was that for? She turned around and looked at the girls’ backs as they walked away, thinking it strange. Reiji stopped in front of the staircase and called out, pulling Yui out of her daze.

“You are in the same class as Ayato and Kanato, so please go with the two of them.”

“Okay.”

In all earnest, Yui had been looking forward to some time away from the brothers, but she had no choice. She did as she was told, but Reiji’s cold voice stopped her before she could leave with Ayato and Kanato.

”I am not done talking yet.”

Yui reluctantly faced him again.

“If you do not wish to be struck with a whip, I would advise you to not do anything reckless. Understood?”

Meaning that if I tried to run away…

Reiji’s unrelenting gaze gave Yui the chills.

“Answer me.”

“…Yes.”

Feeling Reiji’s ice-like stare on her back, she walked away and headed to the classroom.

This should be it.

When Yui went into the classroom, Kanato was sitting at the very back, a book open in front of him as he cradled Teddy in his arms. Ayato was slumped over on his desk. For some reason, they were the only students there.

But class is just about to start. Why isn’t anyone else here?

Yui considered asking Kanato, but seeing him talk so animatedly to Teddy made her close her mouth again. She quickly glanced at the blackboard. It said Today’s Home Economics class is cooking practice. Please assemble in the school kitchen.

“So we’re doing a cooking class today.” That’s why the classroom was empty—everyone else must have already gone to the kitchen.

We should get going, too. I can’t be late on my first day here. But where is this kitchen?

“…Cooking practice?”

Yui’s voice roused Ayato from his nap, and his face twisted into a suggestive grin. “Hey, Pancake.”

“Ayato, please don’t call me weird names at school.”

“Shut up. You’re better off worrying about where to find the school kitchen.”

As if he had read Yui’s mind, she fell silent.

“Yours Truly could do you a favour and take you there.”

“Really?”

”Yeah. C’mon.” Ayato grabbed her by the arm and dragged her out of the classroom.

“Ah, wait!”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“…Um, Ayato?���

“What?”

“Where are we?”

The room Ayato had dragged her to was filled with cooking utensils and supplies. However, there were no other students in sight.

“It’s the school kitchen.”

“Then why is nobody here?”

“‘Cause this is the old kitchen. They teach the cooking classes in the new one.”

In other words, Ayato tricked her into coming here.

“So why did you bring me here?”

“As for the reason…” Ayato stood up from the chair he’d been sitting on, and stalked towards Yui.

Oh no, not again… Yesterday’s events were still etched into the back of her mind, making Yui freeze in place, but the answer coming out of Ayato’s mouth surprised her.

“Make me some takoyaki.”

“T-takoyaki?”

…Like, actual takoyaki?

“Well, I don’t expect anything but the world’s best takoyaki.”

A takoyaki pan was already present on the table, making Yui realise the height of his expectations. So that’s why he brought me here? She wasn’t sure if this was the actual reason why, but this wasn’t the time to think about that.

”But… we should head to class, quickly.”

“Don’t talk back to me. Yours Truly will eat your takoyaki. Now get cooking!”

“You could at least ask nicely…”

“You say something?” Ayato clearly wasn’t intending to go back to class. 

Yui did as he said, and started the preparations to make takoyaki. Fortunately, most of the ingredients were already there, and Yui somehow managed to make takoyaki with them.

“Here you go.”

Ayato stuffed the takoyaki into his mouth without hesitation. “So good!” 

Next to an innocently grinning Ayato, who feasted happily on the takoyaki, sat a rather dreary-looking Yui. “It’s only my first day of school and I’ve already skipped a class…”

Yui had never expected it to come to this on her first day after transferring to Reitei. She had never skipped a class before, even at her old school. 

“No use worrying ‘bout such small things. Have a bite.”

Before Yui could answer, Ayato pushed a ball of takoyaki into her mouth. “It’s delicious!” 

“Right?”

For something she had made herself, it had turned out pretty well. As the two sat and enjoyed the takoyaki, Yui caught a glimpse of the clock hanging on the wall. 

Their next class was about to start.

“We need to clean up. I don’t want to miss our next class too.” Yui began carrying the cooking utensils she used to make takoyaki to the sink. To avoid her getting wet, she took off her blazer, and hurriedly began washing a bowl. She had not realised there would be so much washing-up to do. 

Ayato, satisfied with a belly full of takoyaki, stretched out his legs and reclined in his chair, watching Yui as she did the dishes.

“Give me a hand, Ayato. You were the one who wanted me to make takoyaki, right?”

Silently, the vampire got up from his chair and crept over to her. He stopped just at her back. Yet Yui had not heard him coming over the sound of the running water, and so she called out to him again.

“Hey, Aya—”

When Yui looked over her shoulder, Ayato was right there. He was looking down on her quite literally, and as soon as she saw the look in his eyes, she immediately squirmed away from him.

“What’re you running away for?” He stalked over Yui, who was now standing by the window. “I’ve been going crazy since yesterday. I don’t wanna hold off any longer.”

I have to run…

Ayato captured her in his arms with ease.

“Let me taste you.”

“Please, don’t…” 

The words did not reach him. Ayato grabbed her chin and turned her face to the side, exposing the nape of her neck.

“No bite marks at all. Your skin looks delicious, really.”

Taking in the sight of her slender, pale neck right in front of him, a satisfied smile played at Ayato’s lips.

“Yours Truly will be the one to take all your firsts.”

The next moment, Ayato’s teeth hovered above the skin of her throat. A predatory gleam clouded his eyes before he buried his fangs deep in her neck. 

Yui gasped. The pain of Ayato’s sharp teeth piercing her neck and the feeling of her blood flowing freely into Ayato’s mouth made her body tremble. Even if Yui wanted to run from him, he had a strong grip on both her jaw and her waist. 

“Fuck… what is this? I’ve never tasted blood this sweet before.” Ayato briefly pulled away from her neck, his eyes twinkling with delight. “I like you.”

Before long, Ayato’s fangs brutally punctured Yui’s skin a second time.

“Please…”

Yui was not sure whether it was because he was sucking her blood, but her head began to grow numb, as if she was not herself anymore. 

I’m… scared… If he keeps feeding on me, I'll truly become their prey… I’m so scared.

Yui gathered all her strength to push Ayato away from her. However, the force of her push made the skin tear where Ayato had punctured it with his fangs. The intense pain shooting through her neck knocked the breath out of her, and her face contorted in agony.

“Idiot. If you move around while I bite you, you’ll only make it hurt more, you know.” When Ayato looked up, his lips were stained a bright red when they pulled away from his teeth in a smile.

“Ah…”

His lips were stained the colour of Yui’s blood.

I’ve really been fed on.

With the pain and shock of having her blood sucked, the fear showed plainly on her face.

“Seeing you in tears with your face twisting in pain… It’s too tempting.” Ayato wiped the blood from his lips with the back of his hand, and then licked it off before reaching out to Yui again. 

“Please, stop…”

“No stopping now.”

Ayato pushed her up against the window and bit down on the nape of her neck again.

The moonlight illuminated the two of them through the window, contrasting with the dark room behind them. The moon above Yui was the last thing she saw before her consciousness fell into a deep darkness.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“You two are an embarrassment to do such a thing on school premises.”

Before long, Reiji was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed and his eyes fixed on Ayato and Yui. Ayato clicked his tongue as he turned around to face his brother.

“Damn it! Shit was just getting good.”

“Look at the state of her. That is your fault, Ayato. Take responsibility for your actions and take her home.”

When Ayato glanced at Yui, who was still in his arms, he noticed that she had already passed out. Might’ve been a bit too rough. The colour of Yui’s face was past the point of flattery, and she did not look like she would be waking up anytime soon. At the same time, Ayato could not simply leave her there. He knew exactly how Reiji would react if he did, and he wasn’t looking forward to that.

“Hmph.”

Ayato swept Yui up into his arms, and the next instant, they had disappeared from the room completely.

“Good grief. If only they could just behave.” Reiji let out a heavy sigh and walked out of the room.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Ugh…”

Yui opened her eyes on a bench next to the indoor pool inside the mansion.

Why am I here? I thought I was at school…

“Yo, you’re awake.”

Ayato was sitting on the armrest, lazily playing around with the uniform ribbon that had somehow found its way from neck into his hands.

Right, he fed on me…

Yui tried sitting upright, but the loss of blood had also drained the strength from her body. Seeing her struggle, Ayato walked over to her. 

“S-stay away!” 

Ayato halted.

The fact that vampires needed human blood for nourishment, Yui knew. But Ayato, on the other hand, only seemed to be toying with her. 

“Why are you doing this?” Yui asked.

Ayato stood over her, staring at her coldly. “You still don’t get it?”

“Huh?”

In a flash, Yui’s body was raised in the air, and Ayato’s face was a hair’s breadth away from hers. He’d picked her up with ease and began walking. Yui struggled to have Ayato put her back down, but he leisurely strode over towards the pool. He came to a stop right by the edge of the water.

“Yours Truly is the one who controls you. Stop complaining about everything!” 

Ayato had barely finished speaking before he threw Yui into the water. 

Yui screamed. A loud splashing sound echoed off the walls of the indoor pool. 

Oh no, I can’t swim…

To make matters worse, Yui was still wearing her uniform, and it weighed her down even more as it absorbed the water. She tried to wrestle herself to the surface, but despite her desperate efforts, she still felt herself sinking towards the bottom of the deep pool.

Ayato watched her struggle from the poolside.

“Tell me that I’m the best. Tell me that I’m better than anyone else, and that you’re mine.”

In a stroke of luck, Yui managed to come up for air. She begged for Ayato to help her, but she kept getting pulled back down. 

“Ayato—I can’t—I can’t swim…”

Yui desperately screamed Ayato’s name, but she had already disappeared under the surface of the water. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Whether he had heard her or not, Ayato's expression remained unchanged as he stared down at the water. This is Pancake’s fault. She disobeyed me…

Memories from his childhood haunted Ayato as he watched Yui’s struggling form in the pool.

In his thoughts, Ayato travelled to a lake far away, one hand strenuously reaching out of the water, flailing desperately. The blurry shape of a woman seemed to come closer from under the surface of the water. Ayato fought his way up, and reached out a hand towards her.

However, the woman had not come to save Ayato from drowning. She merely looked on, her expression flat.

Help me…

Ayato’s face twisted in despair knowing that his words would not reach anyone, but rather disappeared into the lake.

Help me…

Yui’s screams for help lined up with Ayato’s distant memory and without giving it any more thought, Ayato launched himself into the water. He did not know why he did it. Even though he harboured a sliver of doubt about his own behaviour, he took Yui into his arms under the surface of the pool.

Well, he did tell us not to kill her.

Reminding himself of this fact, Ayato cupped Yui’s face in his hands, and pressed his lips to hers.      

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It’s warm… and I can breathe again.

When Yui opened her eyes, she realised that Ayato had been transferring air to her with a kiss. Ayato pulled away as soon as he saw that she had regained consciousness. 

Why is he looking at me with such a forlorn expression?

In the deafening silence of the water, Yui saw herself reflected in his eyes, which were clouded with sadness.

Don’t look at me like that, Yui wanted to say, but the air Ayato had given her became bubbles under the water. 

I can’t breathe…

Seeing the struggle on Yui’s face again, Ayato undid the top buttons of her blouse to expose her shoulder, and sank his fangs into her skin.

“Nnh!”

Bubbles rose to the surface of the water again when Yui cried out. When Ayato switched to a different spot, biting her again and again, the blood seeping from the wounds in Yui’s skin floated around the two of them like a red ribbon that bound them together.

I have no air left…

Just when Yui was about to lose consciousness again, Ayato held on tight and pulled her with him to the surface. Yui coughed heavily to clear her lungs of water and desperately fill them with air at the same time. Ayato’s head was now above the water as well, and his eyes gleamed with a bewitching ferality that she had never seen of him before.

“Fuck, I can feel your blood flowing through my body… I can feel its power…”

“Please, no more…” Yui begged in a soft voice. Her face was white as a sheet, and the cold water and Ayato’s feeding had left her trembling incessantly.

“It can’t be helped. Let’s call it here for today.” Ayato held on to Yui as he swam to the edge of the pool, and hoisted her upwards onto the tiles.

Feeling an intense relief at being on solid ground again, Yui fell to the floor. Ayato threw a towel over her head.

“Huh?”

Yui was surprised by Ayato’s small gesture, but before she could thank him, Ayato turned his back on her and walked away without saying anything.

What does he really want with me?

Unable to figure out his motive, Yui tightly gripped the towel.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Around the same time, a man in a long, dark coat appeared in the woods surrounding the mansion. His motives seemed unclear窶派e merely stood there. However, as if he had noticed something, his head suddenly snapped up, and his red eyes focused on the sight in front of him.

Ah… Brings back memories.

The man’s eyes were trained on the Sakamaki mansion.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Yui had used the shower room adjacent to the pool, and when she returned to her room, she was stopped by the faint sound of a door unlocking once again. With suspicion, she followed the source of the sound, and reached another dilapidated spiral staircase.

“This staircase should lead to that room…”

Since then, Reiji had forbidden her from entering, but Yui was not prepared to give up on finding her father’s diary. I might be able to sneak into the room unnoticed from here, Yui thought as she ascended the stairs and found, as expected, the forbidden room.

Yui entered quietly, and immediately began the search for her father’s diary. It should have been right around here…

Carefully tiptoeing around the shards of broken glass, Yui eventually found the diary among the books on the floor.

“Gotcha!” She opened the little notebook without delay. “Huh…What’s this?”

Yui’s eyes widened in surprise. Her hands trembled as she flipped the pages. 

The pages were all completely blank where her father’s handwriting had been.

“It’s all… gone…” So what on Earth did I see before?

In a daze, the notebook slipped out of Yui’s hands and fell onto the floor, the sound reverberating through the quiet, empty space.

[1000roughdrafts]

hey! if you take requests, i’m just wondering if you’d consider a sister winchester one? maybe her at 18? i love your writing so much, and i’d really love something like a hurt reader/dying reader?? something super angsty ahaha

Oh, for sure! Angst is my favorite! (as I'm sure you can tell by the word count lol) sorry it’s taken me like 3 years to get to this 😞

A/N: this was meant to post 2/28/24 because I wanted to ease into coming back with an every other week posting schedule BUT I’m just too excited and antsy for that lol also it’s set in Season 1, Episode 1

Thank you by the way!

Title: Please Wake Up

Warnings: swearing, graphic description of injury and illness, blood angst, hurt/dying reader, depiction of medical procedures, takes place in season 1 episode 1 :)

Word Count: 5.8k

Being third born after two boys, Y/N always felt like she had big shoes to fill. Despite her best efforts to impress the man, she never really formed a bond with John. Her next role model was Dean, who became more of a father to her than John ever was or could be.

Until her eleventh birthday, Dean did her hair into pigtails every day, partly because he hadn't learned to do any other hairstyle but mostly because he thought it was the cutest on her. He'd pack her and Sam's lunch with snacks he'd bought from vending machines and even pretend to take her on hunts because he knew she wanted to be exactly like him.

When she wasn't learning about monsters and guns with Dean, she spent time with Sam. He'd help her with her homework or play board and card games. They have as much in common as Y/N and Dean. Neither Sam nor Y/N got along with John, and neither remember their mothers. 

Y/N's mother was a woman John met in Nebraska three years after the boy's mom died. The affair only lasted a night, but to his surprise, he heard from her again six months later with the news that they had a baby girl on the way. John was shocked and heartbroken. He couldn't bear the thought of bringing another child into the life of hunting.

John kept his distance, adamant that Y/N would be better off without him, and when another three months of silence went by, he figured that Y/N's mother came around to see it his way. Unfortunately, her pregnancy was complicated, as was the birth, and it turned out that having Y/N is what killed her. 

When John got the call, he had half a mind to let the state take custody of little Y/N. Indeed, they would provide her with a better life than he could. John decided to meet her at least, and when he laid eyes on her perfect little face, he couldn't bring himself to abandon her. 

Y/N was barely sixteen when Sam left for college. While she was proud of him for putting himself first, it broke her heart for him to go the way he did. She missed him more and more every day, often keeping Dean up at night with her sniffling and crying. After a while, he would get into bed next to her when the tears started and sing Hey Jude while playing with her hair to help her fall asleep. That went on for another six months before she finally started to fall asleep without crying. 

For her seventeenth birthday, Dean came across a necklace he'd wanted to get for her since Sam left. From his wallet, he took out the only picture he had of the sibling trio, representing the single moment of their life where John treated them like regular kids, and using his pocket knife, he carved around their heads and bodies to match the exact size of the locket, smiling proudly at himself when it fit perfectly. 

Now at eighteen, she stands next to the Impala while Dean lugs their bags out, drops them into the trunk, and slams it shut. He heads for the driver's door but stops when he realizes Y/N hasn't opened hers yet. Eyebrows raised, he twirls a finger in the air as if to say, 'Let's get a move on.'

"Are you ever gonna teach me how to drive, Dean?" she asks. "I mean, you've got to, you know?" 

"No, I don't. Get in," Dean says. She does so with a huff. Dean checks the mirrors before backing out of their parking spot. Turning to Y/N, he says, "Besides, as long as I'm around, you don't need to," but softens his face into a smile when he looks at her. "Cause there's no way in Hell I'll ever let you drive my car." 

Y/N lets out a soft chuckle. "It doesn't have to be this car, Dean!" She rolls the window down, letting the cool breeze hit her face. "What happens if we get separated and I'm being chased by… I don't know, something that has super speed, and my only way back to you is to steal a car and -" 

"Stop. First of all, you should know that I'd never put you in that kind of danger," Dean says, disgusted by the mere thought. He lets out a long sigh. "I'll teach you," he says, looking at her gleaming smile. He tries his damnedest to see her for the adult she's becoming, but he only sees the happy baby in pull-ups he used to feed marshmallows and jello to on a motel room floor. "Just… not yet, okay?" 

She scoffs, "Most people learn to drive when they're only fifteen. I mean, you took me to freaking Vegas with a fake ID for my birthday, for fuck's sake!" 

"I said not yet, Y/N!" he says, shooting her the 'dad look' he's been perfecting since she was four. 

"Fine," she grumbles. She clasps her hands, "So I was looking through news articles, and there seem to be vamps in the next town. Should we be on that?" 

Dean clears his throat and needlessly adjusts the rear-view mirror. "Actually, kiddo, we're on something else right now." He keeps his head straight but glances at her out of the corner of his eyes. Whispering, he says, "We're gonna go get Sammy." 

Y/N's eyes widen as her head whips to look at him. "What?" 

He keeps his eyes on the road, "yeah, uh, with Dad missing... we could use the help," he says, gripping the steering wheel tighter. 

"But Sam's at college!" Y/N scoffs, "he wanted out!" 

"He abandoned us!" he shouts, shaking his head at himself when he notices her shoulders tense. Her eyes peer into her lap, where her hands lie folded. “Look Y/N/N, I just… I can't shake this awful feeling that something is wrong." He waits for a response from her, but she only nods with thin lips. She tunes him out and focuses on the wind hitting the window. "I gotta make sure they're okay," he says softly. 

Over the years, Y/N has learned to trust Dean's intuition, but right now, it just feels like he's being selfish. She opts to stay quiet, even if it makes a long drive longer.

Y/N jolts awake at the sound of the trunk slamming shut. She takes a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. She doesn't see Dean next to her, so she scans her surroundings through squinted eyes, hoping for a clue about her whereabouts. She finds a gas station receipt in her lap and flips it over to see the scribbles of Dean's handwriting telling her to 'stay put or else.' She rolls her eyes, crumpling it into a ball to throw it into the backseat.

She hears the voices of two familiar men, one of whom she hasn't heard in two years. Her heart races, and she fumbles with the seat belt, trying to unhook it with shaky hands. She jumps out of the car and turns in time to see Dean leaning on the back of the Impala.

"It's a law school interview," Sam says, "and it's my whole future on a plate," he glares.

"Law school?" Dean asks with a smirk. Y/N walks over to stand next to Dean. He shoots a quick, acknowledging glance her way. Sam's eyes shift between Dean and Y/N, softening when they land on Y/N, "so we got a deal or not?" he asks flatly.

Dean says nothing but lightly nods his head. Y/N runs towards Sam, nearly knocking him over with a hug.

"Y/N/N," he smiles. Pulling her even closer to him, he wraps his arms tightly around her back and kisses the top of her head. "I missed you," he whispers.

"I missed you, too," she says, her eyes welling up with tears. Sam looks at Dean just in time to see him press his lips together with an 'I told you so' in his eyes. Sam shakes his head, squinting at Dean just before he lets go of Y/N.

"Kay, I gotta put a bag together," he sighs, "I'll be right back."

He turns to head for the door, and Y/N doesn't take her eyes off him until he disappears into the building. She blinks her eyes and turns to face Dean. He pushes himself off the back of the car and silently heads for the driver seat.

Sam and Y/N sit in the car at a gas station while Dean heads for snacks. Sam opens his door but quickly looks over his shoulder to check on Y/N. This is when he notices the box of tapes sitting next to her. Intrigued, he shifts in the chair and asks her to hand them to him. Y/N is hesitant because it's hard to say how Dean would react, and she's always hated being in the middle of their fights but does so anyway. Sam rests his tongue between his lips as he takes the box from Y/N. Stretching his legs out of the car, he rests the box in his lap to filter through them.

"Hey," Dean says from behind the Impala, his mouth wrapped around a candy bar, "either of you want breakfast?" he asks, holding a soda and a bag of chips.

Y/N waits for Sam to answer first. "No, thanks," he says, glancing Dean's way momentarily.

"I do," Y/N smiles.

"So how'd you pay for that stuff? Three of you still running credit card scams?" Sam says, going back to looking through the cassettes.

"Yeah, well, hunting ain't exactly a pro ball career," Dean says, putting the gas nozzle back into the pump.

Y/N chimes in, "Besides, all we do is apply," she shrugs, "it's not our fault they send us the cards."

"Yeah? And what names did you write on the applications this time?" he asks, swinging his legs back inside the car and closing the door behind him.

"Uh, Burt Aframian," Y/N answers. Dean gets into the seat, handing Y/N the drink and chips. "Thank you," she chirps.

"And his son Hector," Dean adds, "scored two cards out of the deal."

"Sounds about right. I swear, man. You've gotta update your cassette tape collection."

Dean frowns, nearly offended. "Why?"

"Well, for one, they're cassette tapes, and two," Sam holds one up, "Black Sabbath? Motorhead?" he says, dropping them to grab another, "Metallica?" he laughs, "It's the greatest hits of mullet rock," he says as Dean rips the Metallica tape from his hand with a glare.

"Well, house rules, Sammy." Dean pops the tape into the player with a tight smile, "driver picks the music, shotgun shuts their cake-hole," he says, dropping the empty case into the box. "Isn't that right, Y/N?" he smirks into the rear-view mirror and smiles when he sees her roll her eyes.

"You know, Sammy is a chubby twelve-year-old," Sam scolds, "it's Sam, okay?"

Turning the volume up, Dean cocks his head to the side, "sorry. I can't hear you. The music's too loud," he says with a slight chuckle.

Crashing a crime scene where police are still investigating is just another Saturday with Dean for Y/N, but seeing Sam's eyes widen at the box of Dean's fake IDs calls attention to how out of the norm this life is. Dean makes wise-ass comments to the cops, as usual, and Sam stomps on Dean's foot. Dean responds by smacking Sam's head as they bicker on the way back to the car, but Y/N can't help but grin from ear to ear.

Even when her brothers are arguing, Y/N couldn't possibly be happier. Today is her first hunt with both of her brothers and the first time in far too long since the three of them had been together for any reason.

They make their way to find Amy, who they learn is the girlfriend of the victim from listening to the cops on the bridge. They stop her while she's putting up missing posters, and after lying about being distant relatives of her boyfriend, they ask if she'd be willing to answer some questions to find him.

… "It's kind of this local legend," Amy's friend says after a few minutes of chatting. Massaging her thumb with her other hand, she continues, "This one girl? She got murdered out on Centennial, like decades ago." Dean glances over at Sam and Y/N, who listen intently, "Well, supposedly, she's still out there. She hitchhikes, and whoever picks her up? Well, they disappear forever."

At a local library, Dean searches the archive page for any murders on Centennial Highway with no results. Sam shoves Dean's chair, and when it rolls back, he scoots his chair to the computer to take over, earning him a slap from Dean. After replacing 'murder' with 'suicide,' a news article pops up.

"This was 1981. Constance Welch, twenty-four years old, jumps off Sylvania Bridge, drowns in the river," Sam reads.

"Does it say why she did it?" Y/N asks, scooting her chair closer to Sam to try and read the screen.

"Yeah," Sam says.

"What?" Dean says with raised eyebrows.

"An hour before they found her, she calls 911. Apparently, her two little kids are in the bathtub. She leaves them alone for a minute, and when she comes back, they aren't breathing." Sam lets out a breath, "both die," he says in a whisper.

The air grows thick around them, and Y/N frowns. "That's terrible," she says, shaking her head.

"'Our babies were gone,'" Sam reads, "'and Constance just couldn't bear it,' said husband Joseph Welch."

"Hmm," Dean points to the picture on the screen, "that bridge look familiar to you?"

They hit the bridge at nightfall. Crickets sing to water drumming against the rocks as it rushes under their feet. The clouds hang low in the sky, giving the air around them a haze.

"So," Dean says, peering over the bridge at the water, "this is where Constance took the swan dive," he says, leaning against the rail next to Y/N. 

"So you think Dad would have been here?" Sam asks in disbelief, looking over at Dean. 

"Well, he's chasing the same story, and we're chasing him," Dean shrugs, turning to walk down the bridge. 

Sam turns to follow. "Okay, so now what?" he says, forcing a breath through his nose. Y/N walks right next to him, still scared to let him out of her sight. 

"Now we keep digging until we find him. Might take a while," Dean grumbles. 

Sam stops walking, "Dean," he says, raising his hands before dropping them. "I told you. I've gotta be back by Monday." 

"Monday," Dean says, pivoting to make grueling eye contact with Sam, but only turns his body enough that he's still facing the bridge's railing. "Right," he says, shaking a finger, "the interview." The bridge creaks under him as he turns the rest of the way. 

"Yeah," Sam nods. 

"Yeah, I forgot. You're really serious about this, aren't you?" Dean says, shifting his weight between his feet. "You think you're just going to become some lawyer? Marry your girl?" Dean asks, the animosity growing with each word. 

Sam shrugs, "maybe. Why not?" 

Dean's voice roughens, "Does Jessica know the truth about you? I mean, does she know the things you've done?" 

Sam takes a few threatening steps toward Dean, "No, and she's not ever going to know," he scowls. 

"Well, that's healthy," Dean sneers. "You can pretend all you want, Sammy, but sooner or later, you're going to have to face up to who you really are," he says, turning around to continue walking. 

Sam huffs, "Who's that?" 

"You're one of us," Dean shrugs, a hand gesturing towards Y/N. 

"Hey! Leave me out of this," Y/N grumbles from ahead. 

"No," Sam says, speed walking towards Dean, "I'm not like you," he says, turning around as he stops in front of Dean. "This is not going to be my life."

Dean keeps his jaw tight. "Well, you have a responsibility to..." 

Y/N feels the tension rising and tries to plead with them to stop arguing, but they ignore her. "Guys!" she shouts again. 

"To Dad? And his crusade?" Sam scoffs. "If it weren't for pictures, I wouldn't even know what Mom looks like! And what difference would it make? Even if we do find the thing that killed her," he shakes his head, "Mom's gone. And she isn't coming back." 

Dean grips Sam's shirt and swings him around and against the bridge's railing with a clunk at Sam's weight against it. 

Y/N flips around and runs to their side, "Dean, what are you doing? Are you crazy?" She panics. But Dean continues to ignore her as he glares at Sam. 

After a long, breathless pause, Y/N shouts again, "Dean!" 

The misty air is still between them, and even the wind seems too frightened to move. It's as if the world is put on pause.

Dean's eyebrows raise, and he keeps a firm grip on Sam's shirt. Under his breath, he says, "Don't talk about her like that." 

He throws Sam's jacket from his hands and takes a few stabilizing steps backward in one movement. Y/N runs to check on Sam, who shakes her off with an "I'm fine" that sounds muffled compared to the pounding of her heart. A few tears escape her when she looks over at Dean walking away from them, but she doesn't realize she's crying until the taste of salt hits her lips. 

Her eyes return to Sam, shaking her head in disgust that Dean would treat him like that. She knew it had been rough for Dean since Sam left for college, but hell, it's been hard on her, too, and she's not throwing anyone against the side of a bridge!

Dean halts, “Sam. Y/N!” he calls. Y/N turns with a full-body glare, but her eyes widen when she sees a woman in a long, white dress standing on the bridge's railing. The woman looks over at them, and Y/N can see the resemblance to the picture of Constance. The woman's hair and dress sway in the wind, and she keeps her eyes on them as she allows herself to drop from the ledge. 

With a grunt, Sam rushes to the railing to look over it for her, Dean and Y/N not far behind him. 

"Where'd she go?" Dean barks. 

Breathless, Sam pushes out an "I don't know." 

The roar of the Impala's engine turning on startles them, their bodies whipping around just in time to see the headlights flick on. 

"What the-," Dean says. 

"Who's driving your car?" Y/N asks. 

Without taking his eyes off of the car, Dean pulls his keys from his pocket and jingles them, stealing Sam and Y/N's attention to them in unison. The engine revs, drawing back their wide eyes to the Impala. The tires squeal as the car begins to speed towards them. 

"Y/N, go! Go!" Dean says with a hand on each of his siblings, spinning them around to run in the opposite direction. Dean presses his hand firmly on Y/N's back as they run, keeping himself between her and the car. They run as fast as they can until Dean can feel the Impala's breath on his ankles, and he guides them towards the bridge's railing. 

Y/N's heart feels like a brick in her chest, weighing her down at the thought of jumping over. "I can't," she says in a breath, and all in a split second, she feels like her feet are cemented into the bridge's planks as Sam jumps over. "No!" she screams as Dean grips onto her arm, pulling them both over the bridge. 

Sam hangs from the ledge of the bridge, shouting for Y/N as her screams are washed out with a big splash. "Y/N!" he calls again from the back of his throat, climbing up the bridge to get on his knees. He looks over the bridge, scanning for Y/N and Dean, calling out when he sees his brother, "Dean! You alright?" 

"I'm super," Dean grumbles with an outstretched thumbs up. Lying on his back, half submerged in the muddy water. 

"I can't see Y/N! Where's Y/N?" Sam panics, and when the words hit Dean's ears, he springs to his feet in a second. He whirls around in a circle as he searches for her. 

"Y/N!" Dean shouts, wiping mud from his face. He paces around, "Y/N, where are you?" he yells, half-expecting her to pop out from behind a bush to scare him. 

The world spins around him for a moment, utterly void of sound aside from a ringing in his ears as Dean tries to comprehend what is happening. He closes his eyes tight, shaking his head to clear away the fog that covers him. They open onto the water, catching the moon's glimmer reflecting off something. He runs towards it, hopping from rock to rock until he finds Y/N's broken locket stuck in algae. Dean picks it up with shaky hands, recalling how her face lit up when he first gave it to her. She'd be devastated to see its state now. Fear spills down him in an icy chill.

His head swivels around in search of her. Tears, that he refuses to let fall, poke at his eyes when he sees her lying face down in the water, a bloody rock next to her.

“Y/N!” He shouts, rushing to her. He kneels to pull her out of the water by her shoulder, turning her over so that her back rests against his knee. "Y/N!" he yells again, and when she doesn't respond, he grabs her by the waist and hoists her over his shoulder. He grunts, shifting his weight before jogging for the shore. "Sam! I got her!" 

"Dean! Is she okay?" He calls out as he sprints down the side of the hill to catch up to them. The brothers reach the shore simultaneously, and Dean drops to his knees to gently set Y/N on the ground in front of him, Sam following suit. 

"Come on, be okay, be okay, be okay, be okay," Dean pleads softly, placing two fingers on her neck. His heart is beating so hard that he can't tell if it's her pulse he's feeling or his own. "Sam, I can't feel anything," he says. Dropping an ear to her mouth, he adds, "And I don't think she's breathing." 

"Call 911," Sam demands, ripping his jacket off to tie around Y/N's bleeding head wound. He quickly inspects the rest of her body for any bleeding before placing a hand on her chest. Looking up at Dean, who stands frozen, Sam puts his free hand on Dean's shoulder, "now, Dean!" he shouts, shoving him. 

Sam tilts Y/N's head back, checking again for a pulse, a breath, a twitch, a shudder, anything that meant he wouldn't have to perform CPR on his baby sister. He places his hands on her chest, one over the other, pausing in case her heart miraculously started again, but all he feels under his palms is the stillness of Y/N's wet and cold chest. 

Sam begins chest compressions, and the tears he'd been holding back rush out uncontrollably when he feels her ribs break under his palms. It makes him want to pull away, but he forces himself to continue. Dean watches in wide-eyed horror as he gives the 911 operator their location when asked, keeping his free hand pressed against his forehead. 

"Anything?" he shakily shouts at Sam after what feels like hours. Sam ignores him, counting out loud until he hits thirty again. He stops compressions to blow a shuddering breath into Y/N's mouth, watching her chest rise and fall before delivering another. "Hello! Is anybody on the way? My sister is dying here!" Dean shouts into the phone, but all that meets his ears is static. 

"Dean," Sam says with a heavy breath, beginning compressions again. "You gotta take over," he says between breaths. 

Without question, Dean drops his phone to the ground as he falls to his knees next to her, "come on, Y/N," he pleads, ignoring the burning in his knees as he places his hands together on top of Sam's. Sam leaves his hands under Dean's for just one compression before pulling away. 

"Okay, that's ten. You've got twenty more before breaths," Sam says before they count out loud together with every push into Y/N's chest. 

Dean is growing tired by his third round of compressions, but the sirens in the distance electrify him, giving him the energy he needs to continue. 

His face scrunches up as he musters the emotional and physical strength to keep going. Sam hurries to his feet, "don't stop, Dean, you're doing great!" he says with a palm at him. 

"Don't stop," Dean repeats mindlessly, "don't stop." 

Sprinting towards the paramedics, Sam waves his arms, shouting, "Down here! We're down here!" before he knows it, a group of professionals sprint down the hill, the gurney in tow. One takes a story from Sam as one tries to pull Dean away so the other two can take over caring for Y/N. 

"No, I can't stop!" he cries, which grabs Sam's attention, "don't stop," he nearly whispers, hands pumping into Y/N's chest. 

Sam rushes over and lowers himself to Dean's level. "Dean, let go. It's okay, they'll take it from here," he says, grabbing onto Dean's hands to pull him off of Y/N. They watch the paramedics in shock as they cut the shirt, bra, and pants off of Y/N, inspecting her skin. The first responders put what look like stickers with wires attached to them onto her chest and pull out the AED, telling everyone to stand clear before delivering a shock with a beep. Then, there was a pause and the silence that follows is deafening. Nothing. They check for a pulse and call clear again, shocking her. Then, nothing. Again. 

In the hospital's hallway, Dean tries to tune out the surround sound of constant beeping. His elbows rest on his scraped and bloody knees with his head held in his hands. He rocks back and forth, battling with himself. He sheds tears both out of fear for his sister's well-being and of guilt that he did the very thing he promised her he wouldn't: put her in danger.

The clacking of Sam's shoes pulls Dean from his homemade mental Hell. Dean lifts his head, quickly wiping his eyes before grabbing the cafeteria coffee. Sam's familiar smell of motel soap and deodorant washes away the torturous smell of hand sanitizer.

"Thanks," Dean mutters, taking a sip of the coffee before placing it next to him on the cold tile floor. 

Sam's eyes are red and puffy. Dean struggles to comprehend how Sam doesn't even try to hide the tears coming down. He often admires his brothers ability to wear his heart on his sleeve, though he'd never admit it. He wonders who he's being 'strong' for in this moment because it's certainly not himself.

Clearing his throat, Sam pulls his pants up slightly at the thighs before sitting on the bench next to Dean. He glances up at the ceiling momentarily, waiting for the announcement to end before asking, "Any news yet?"

Dean shakes his head. "No," he says in a raspy voice, forcing his eyes to look up and down the hall. "Excuse me," he says, standing to interrupt a nurse before she can enter a different room. "Would you mind helping us find whoever we need to talk to for an update on room 221?" he asks, gesturing to the door he hasn't been able to even look at since arriving.

Her eyes flutter to Sam, then the door, and back to Dean before she somberly nods. "Of course," she says, setting her pen back onto the clipboard as she turns to head in the direction she came.

Dean wants to return to his seat, but his body feels like an anchor. He sucks in a sharp breath. His shoulders tighten into his neck and with weak arms his hands fall to his hips. He hangs his head, clenching his teeth and pulling his face to suppress the tears. Sam jumps up to Stand with Dean, placing a hand tightly on his shoulder.

"She'll be alright," Sam says, not fully believing himself, "she's a Winchester; she has to be." 

Dean quickly straightens himself out because damn it, he's the one that's supposed to be taking care of his younger siblings - not the other way around.

"Sam and Dean Winchester?" a deep voice echoes the hall and they whirl around to greet the doctor. Dean quickly slaps the tears from his face. "I'm Dr. Ferguson," he says, holding his arm up to shake hands with Sam, then Dean. "Let's go somewhere more private to talk."

"We're good here," Dean spits. 

"Very well," the doctor sighs, looking down the hall behind him. He shuffles them closer to the wall and out of the traffic flow. "Well, while we were able to restart her heart, I'm afraid your sister has sustained a substantial injury to the head," he says, "the trauma caused the tissue around her brain to swell quite rapidly, and well, we have her on a ventilator, but," he lets out a breath, "we haven't seen as much progress as we were hoping for. She's technically in a coma right now, but we hope to see her come out of it in the coming weeks." 

"Weeks?" Dean bellows.

"Yes, I'm afraid that's standard recovery time for an injury of this magnitude. Although, we'd be having an entirely different conversation if not for your quick thinking in the field," he says with a tight-lipped smile, eyes jumping from Dean's to Sam's, "it's a long road to recovery, but this is a good start." 

"And what happens if she doesn't wake up?" Sam asks. 

"We will do everything in our power to ensure that doesn't happen," the doctor nods. 

"Thanks, doc," Sam croaks. "Can - can we see her?" he stutters. 

"Of course," he says, pushing the door open with his fingertips, "go on in," he says.  

Sam immediately notices Dean's hesitancy when they exchange a glance, so he nods before taking a few steps into the room. He covers his mouth to stifle a sob when he sees his little sister with a tube down her throat and one in her nose. When he's close enough, he reaches for her hand and sits in the chair beside her, startled by the sound of the door shutting. Dean slowly enters the room, but keeps his distance.

Dean feels like the air is void of oxygen and tells himself to pull it together enough to stand by her bed. "Hey kiddo," Dean says to Y/N with a shaky breath. "God, please be okay," he says, forcing a smile as he grips onto her hand.

The two sit with Y/N for days, only leaving for bathroom trips and snack runs, but when one goes, the other stays, and when one is napping, the other is awake. Dean has grown slightly more self-composed but is still anxious as they stay by her side, even when the nurses come to deliver medications, chart vitals, or empty her catheter.

"Hey, Dean," Sam says, clearing his throat. 

"Yeah," he replies, keeping his eyes on Y/N. 

Sam looks down into his hands, "about my interview-" 

"Wait, what?" Dean says, cutting him off, "you're still gonna leave after all this?" he shouts through a clenched jaw. The chair scoots back in a screech as he quickly brings himself to his feet, "you don't wanna be here when she wakes up?" he asks, aggressively gesturing at Y/N. 

"Dean, we don't even know if she'll wake up," Sam quivers. 

"Man, you are a piece of work," Dean shouts, shaking his head. 

"If you would've let me finish," Sam growls with narrow eyes, "I was going to say that I called earlier… to reschedule it," he sighs, looking back at Y/N, "they were very understanding of the situation." 

"Oh," Dean says, turning on his heels to face away from Sam. He swipes a hand down his face, shaking his head when his eyes open to the white walls of the hospital's room. "Look, man, I'm sorry," he says, palms open and facing Sam. "This just has me on edge." 

Taking a few steps towards him, Sam holds back the urge to get nasty with Dean, telling him he's not the only one feeling 'on edge' about their sister's condition. Instead, he raises his palms and softens his face, "Me too. Believe me." 

By Thursday, Y/N had graduated from a ventilator to an oxygen mask. Though still needing the feeding tube, she's shown glimpses here and there of the Y/N they know and love, but overall, she struggles to remain conscious. The doctors are calling it a 'Minimally Conscious State' and "completely normal with this type of recovery."

On Saturday, Sam heads out for food from a local restaurant at Dean's request - something about them having good pies - but Sam has a sneaking suspicion that Dean needs some time alone with Y/N, and Sam could use the fresh air anyway.

Sitting in the chair beside her bed, Dean holds one of Y/N's hands in both of his, bringing it up to his lips and kissing the back of her hand. "I'm so sorry I failed you, Y/N," he cries. "I should have been protecting you," he whispers, letting the tears fall freely now, "but instead of doing that, I got you into this mess."

Looking up at Y/N's face, he swears he sees a tear slip down her cheek. Despite being convinced he's imagining it, he reflexively draws his hand to wipe her tear away, gasping when it comes back wet. His heart races as he gently stands to get beside her in the bed. "Shh," he coos, wrapping his arm around her.

His eyes fall shut, and he's transported back in time to the almost seven-month period where she would only fall asleep if Dean were right there in bed next to her. Through tears and voice cracks, he sings Hey Jude in a whisper, occasionally reaching over to wipe her tears away.

"I love you so much," he whispers. "I don't know how to live without you," he says, his tears turning into sobs. "Please wake up," he cries, arm wrapped tightly around her, "I promise I'll teach you how to drive if you just please wake up."

~~~~ If you liked my story, please remember to heart, comment or reblog. Or if you'd like, you can add yourself to a tag list here if you wish :) Thank you for reading!! :)

Everything Tags <3

@wayardblueshun @81mysteriouslyme @drakelover78 @soab1967 @shutupandfeedmethings @pollywantacracker666 @sonnierae26 @obsessed5sosfreak @tlovescoffee @noodledoodlebug @hobby27 @cluz1babe @emptycanvasposts @suckmyapplejacks @signrunsavestheday @flamencodiva @roseblue373

Dean <;3 @akshi8278 @squirrelnotsam @laxe-from-outer-space @ellewritesfix05 @cluz1babe @lyarr24 @mrspeacem1nusone @idksupernaturl @fandom-princess-forevermore @stoneyggirl @chaospossum @nachofriess

Sam <3 (not including the tags already above :) ) @fangirlxwritesx67 @immafangirlmess @sizekinkshawty

[morganas-pendragons]

how long | the master chief

people have been digging up my master chief fanfiction with the release of halo season 2. so. here's a new one shot ft my favorite shot of the show! Spoilers for episode 1!

this will be multiple parts as we span throughout season 2. this is loosely associated with you're losing me by Taylor Swift!

A couple of tags for people who've come my way recently wanting Chief fic... @silverpelt3600 @embarrassedauthornerd (who is still getting a Game!John fic at some point) and I know there were more but I literally can't remember :(

***

Being a part of Silver is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before. It’s a team. A unit. You aren’t forced to rely on old instincts of survival on your own when you have Master Chief Petty Officer Sierra 117 covering your back.

John. Your John.

My beloved.

He hadn’t been the same since Cortana was removed from his head. You knew why. It was like losing a crucial part of himself, and no one still knew where she was. You both felt her loss so acutely.

You still sometimes turned to call out, “Little love?” In the darkness of your quarters, and waited for “Soles..” to echo back at you. The nickname she’d given you herself.

She’s not dead, but she might as well be.

You had initially suspected that Parangonsky had something to do with it. The woman was as conniving as Halsey, choosing to own the facade of the imperfect military leader with a world of decisions on her shoulders to bear. Her own cross. Just like Halsey.

No one bothered asking though, so neither did you. You and Kai continued to work as The Master Chief's shadows as the months passed. Mission after mission became civilian evacuation after evacuation. ONI was not letting you into combat.

May have something to do with the fact that the entirety of Silver has taken out their inhibitor pellets.

You repositioned yourself between Kai and Vannak as the three of you peered out over the cliff face you were occupying on Sanctuary. "Babysitting duty," Vannak muttered. "Aren't we better than this?"

You snorted and flexed your finger against the trigger of your assault rifle. "We're here to keep an eye on Chief. And this complaint is coming from the guy who indulges in documentaries for fun," You mutter, to which Kai also breaks out into laughter. "And feeds his pigeons."

"I'll have you know-"

Kai nudged your shoulder as John and Riz approached the group of civilians where Captain Shepherd was currently trying to coax their leader, a native priestess, into evacuating. "Shut up and pay attention you two," She teased. "Looks like Captain Shepherd is trying to work on his negotiation skills."

The UNSC had sent the five of you to Sanctuary to evacuate before the Covenant arrived to glass it. That had been happening to a lot of colonies recently.

More often than not, you found yourself huddled next to John in his cot on the nights that the dead just would not stop screaming. It was easier to deal with when you were The Lone Headhunter. When you had your pellet.

When you were more machine.

"This would be so much easier if Cortana was around." You whisper to yourself, thankful that neither of them pay attention to your statement. The AI had become a welcome friend and presence in your life since you'd found yourself becoming closer to The Master Chief. Since you'd found yourself loving him. Loving John.

John hadn't been John in... six months. And you missed him.

They never did say loving from afar was easy.

By the time you were properly paying attention again, John was communicating his position through TEAMCOM as he took off toward the upward cliff face that would lead to where Bravo Team was at. A nagging feeling gnawed at your stomach as you stood to your feet.

"Where is he going?"

"To retrieve Bravo," Vannak replied as he pressed his hand against the side of his helmet. "Comm signal is static. Can't get a clear answer. Seems like there's some type of interference from the relay."

You were already on your way towards John’s location being displayed in your HUD. There was no way you were going to let him do something like that on his own. Especially with his emotions being at such a heightened state since Cortana’s removal, you didn’t quite trust him to make a logical decision right now.

You stopped at the base of the cliff. The fog above loomed above menacingly, like a bad omen waiting to make itself known. You still couldn’t shake the sinking feeling in your stomach.

“Silver One, this is Silver Five. Come in.”

Static.

Cursing under your breath, you steadied your feet and activated the grapple shot recently installed to your Mjolnir. The tech’s had done it per The Chief’s request. Something about needing his most lethal and stealthy team member to be able to utilize that skill to the best of their ability.

Quick, quiet.

The grapple shot up into the fog and took you along with it.

***

How long has it been?

You ask yourself this question every night you sneak into his bunk while Silver sleeps on either side of you. John sleeps at the far end, prone with his arms at his sides, hazel eyes cast toward the ceiling. This is your curse. You cannot sleep without hearing the screams of those you know who have died.

Those you failed to save.

How long has it been since I've seen John? The real John?

You wordlessly settle at his side when his arm comes up to allow you to tuck yourself into him. Despite being only a few inches apart in height, you automatically feel safer with your cheek pressed against his chest and the bulk of his muscle sheltering you from any outside threat.

It's the whisper of your name that catches you off guard. "Soles.." John's voice cracks in the darkness as you lift your head high enough to meet the gaze that stares back at you. Despite how much he's changed since losing Cortana, you can still see remnants of the very broken man he has been trying so hard to hide. "When does it end?"

"When does what end, John?"

"The war."

You know very well he isn't talking about the Human-Covenant War. He's talking about the internal war that Spartans face when they're able to feel too much. The conflict of being made to be more machine then man. More soldier. Being forced to execute orders despite knowing they're morally wrong.

"I don't know.. but I don't think it ever will."

How long has it been, since the two of you had been able to just enjoy each other? To be at peace?

***

Too long.

You were barely able to get your footing before a hand was wrenching you into the dark. Your visor tipped upward to meet the glowing gold of The Master Chief's before you, just barely concealing the lone marine who stood petrified behind him.

"You shouldn't have come, Silver Five."

You shrug noncommittally. "I don't care, Chief. Sitrep." You remarked sharply as the two of you moved to pull the girl between you. It was the only way she'd be protected without any kind of armor to shield her from the threat in the fog.

"Something's in the fog. The Covenant were here before we were-"

It's only then that you see the Elites lingering in the shadows. Decades of instincts and training immediately kick into gear as you remove your weapon from your belt - a newly obtained energy sword, courtesy of the last high ranking Elite who'd tried to rush you - and activated the blade before charging at your nearest opponent.

Blood spattered against your armor while John continued to cover you from behind. They yell at you. Mock you. Call you Demon. You know enough to understand that singular word in their mother tongue.

You cut them down anyway. You are Sierra-343. You are built for this.

But ONI is determined to keep you from it.

***

The glassing beam is terrifying. You haven't quite been afraid for your life in a long, long time... but the stinging heat that comes from it sears the back of your armor as you sprint across the field to the Condors.

The Priestess was not about to let The Master Chief leave the planet without prophesying over him.

"Find your faith, Spartan. I have seen your death." Her eyes slowly shift to your fingers wrapped around The Master Chief's wrist, desperately urging him forward to the Condors where Kai and Vannak were waiting for you. "You are not long for this world. It comes soon. "

How long?

You're running against the clock as the three of you sprint into the Condor just in time for it to take off. Breathless, you cast aside your helmet to stare at the amber hue of fire as Sanctuary is overcome by the glassing beam from the Covenant Carrier.

***

Ackerson spent the first several days of his time in ONI working on you. As his Lone Headhunter, he saw you as an asset to utilize with a skill that far outweighed Silver Team combined.

"Do you think that at his core.. The Master Chief is broken?"

Unarmored and dressed in your civilian clothing, you stared out at the open expanse of Reach City right beyond the window.

“I think that The Chief is a human being who had undergone a significant amount of trauma in a very short amount of time. I think ONI overlooks that because the only use he has to them is to be the hero you need on the front lines of a war we’re not going to win,” You replied coldly, turning around to face Colonel Ackerson with your hands neatly folded behind you. “Do you have any other questions that pertain to my role in Silver Team or my history as a Headhunter, sir?”

“I am not your enemy here. You know that. You’ve undergone some of the most extensive types of torture under covenant hands from your time on The Exalted.” You froze at the remark, disdain and anger flashing across your gaze as you met his eyes. “You are remarkable. Resilient. I want that for the future of what we have here. I do not wish for such contempt to come between us.”

“Then I would prefer you keep my past and my trauma out of conversation.” You motion towards the door to ONI’s main office. “Am I free to go?”

Ackerson flashed a tight-lipped smile. He knew you would be the most difficult to crack on Silver Team. Kai had said as much. Given your involvement with the Spartan Two program and how quickly you'd taken to working with a team, he'd anticipated you would be loyal to them.

He hadn't anticipated the extent of how loyal you'd be to The Master Chief though. There must've been something there. Something else the others didn't know about.

"Yes, you are. Thank you for speaking with me."

You bit the inside of your cheek so hard that you tasted blood as you and John locked eyes passing one another in the main doorway of the ONI office.

He'll have questions for you later.

***

Kai caught John's gaze wandering to you as you and Riz continued working on your hand-to-hand on the gym floor. There was just something so graceful about the way you moved, and the way you looked...

"Hey, Chief," Kai's voice broke through his reverie as John turned away from you to gaze at the monitors near the lockers. "Come take a look at this."

You narrowly avoided an uppercut to the jaw as you attempted to tune into Keyes speech where he was awarding Talia Perez a Colonial Cross. You knew the truth though. A truth that Ackerson was not hearing, and a truth that John had attempted to get Ackerson to reveal during their meeting.

He didn't breathe a word. And unfortunately, when he'd intercepted you an hour later, neither did you.

How long since you stopped trusting me, Soles?

"Turn it off." Vannak demanded. "I've heard enough from this guyat debrief."

"What questions did he ask you?"

The main point of conversation between you both again rang in your ears as Riz moved to sweep your legs out from beneath you. Do you think that The Master Chief is, at his core, broken?

Dread bubbled in your stomach. Did he know?

Did Ackerson know about you two?

You didn't have enough time to react as Riz swept your legs out from underneath you just as Cobalt Team walked into the room. You didn't bother learning any of their names. You just knew you hated the blonde one the most.

Riz extended a hand to you just as she approached you both. "You see, this is why you don't go taking your pellet out. Makes you emotional." Cold blue eyes regarded you as you both stepped into her space. "Makes you weak."

Your eyes narrowed. "You know, for someone who's barely encountered The Covenant.. Tell me. Who endured torture at the hands of high-ranking Elites aboard a Covenant Cruiser for months before I got myself out?"

"And who's to say you're not a whining Covenant sympathizer now?"

Rage flashed behind your eyes as you lunged and very nearly caught Val, had it not been for John winding his arms through yours to keep you from making a rash decision.

You weren't paying attention to anything else that was said until Cobalt was gone. John bent to whisper in your ear, "Stop trying to get yourself killed, Soles."

You wrenched yourself from his grasp and jabbed your finger into his chest angrily. You weren't mad at him, persay. You were mad at the place that loving him had put you in. That loving him was now a way to be exploited. And you swore you wouldn't be in that position again when Halsey was gone. When you became part of Silver.

"Then stop trying to protect me, Master Chief."

But they had spent years telling you a very simple truth: You were a machine created to serve a singular purpose. Machines were not conditioned to feel.

And they certainly did not love.

***

You didn't come to John's bed that night. You didn't come for quite a while after that, and he then determined that you were the one thing he feared you to be.

A liar.

And he didn't understand why you were hiding it. Why were you hiding what happened on Sanctuary, and why were you avoiding Ackerson? What had he asked you?

Why were you running?

***

He wasn't expecting this. The whole point of coming to this place was to find some semblance of her, something that offered comfort in the way Cortana would have if she were here.

She wasn't dead, but she may as well be.

He swiped his credit chit and sat down with his hands in his lap. "I don't really know what people say to each other. And the one person I want to talk to right now is..." John swallowed the knot in his throat. "Isn't themselves. And I'm-"

"Lost?"

"Yeah. I think there might be something wrong with me. That's why they ran. They figured out there's a part of me that's missing. Sometimes there's a sound like something in my head is there that doesn't belong. And maybe it's part of you that got embedded in me."

"Oh, sweetie... You miss them, don't you?"

John grimaced. He did. He did miss you and Cortana. He'd give anything to go back to that medical table where he'd kissed you the first time.

He was so deeply engrossed in his memory of Sanctuary, of seeing Makee, of hearing her voice, that he didn't even notice you come in. You stood in the doorway with your hood concealing your face and slowly lowered it as John stared up at you in shock.

There wasn't just shock there though. There was... desperation.

How long since you willingly let someone in?

"Soles?"

"John. We need to talk."

part two?

[placeinthemiddleofnowhere]

Joe Bear Graves | SIX

Episode 1 Season 1

[chefkids]

How much time has elapsed in The Bear universe since the start of season 1? Like, six/seven months?

They filmed the pilot in July 2021, you can see when Carmy tweets out about the ballbreaker tournament that it’s 13 July 2021. 

However, the story takes place after that because we know Mikey died on Feb 22 2022, and Carmy didn’t come home for months after that. IN Episode 2 Sydney thanks Carmy for the past week when she was staging, so a week between Ep 1 and 2. Then Episode 3 was on Mikey’s birthday which is November 15.

Then Season 2 Episode 1 Tuesday Feb 28 according to Carmy’s phone. Presumably about a week after they found the money. So technically Season 1 is from October-ish 2022 to February 2023. So that money was in the tomato cans for a whole year.

Season 2 takes place in 3 months, from Feb 28, 2023 until Friends & Family night on May 26. They are set to open for real on May 31st.

So in total from around October 2022 to May 2023 is around 7-8 months.

[justanotherdrfan]

WELCOME ALL DANNY FANGIRLS TO YOUR INSTALMENT OF DANIEL RICCIARDO’S DTS BREAKDOWN! 🍯🦡

I’m leaving this one open since you all skipped straight to this episode! (I waited and I don’t know how)😂

S6E9 (Three’s a Crowd)

GIF by @arturleclerc

DANNNNNNNNYYY BOYYY 😍😍😍😍😍😍

He’s already laughing (god I love him)

‘Alright, what’s up?, Daniel Ricardo, this is season six drive to survive, and yes I’m back’ (fangirling HARD)

WAIT HE WAS IN SYDNEY, HE WAS IN FUCKING SYDNEY (why did no one tell me I would have called sick at work)

Daniel and Blake I really wish you went ahead with that podcast because you two are poetic chaos together

Cue another Daniel montage (they have his whole discography on file don’t they?)

He looks so fucking tried though

Logan and Alex talking about DTS frothing at the mouth about Daniel returning is the most factually, correct thing I’ve ever heard 😂

Logan: ‘All I know is the most excited people when Danny Ricciardo came back was Netflix.’

Alex: ‘I literally think they had to change their pants three times. I know the episode already. Let…let me run it through. Ready? Here we have Danny Ricciardo watching on the sidelines. “Yeah, it hurts to not be racing.” Then all of a sudden, pans to Nyck de Vries. Lock up. [imitates brakes screeching]. Off the track. Crash. Oh shit! Boom. Fast-forward. Silverstone. Test. Daniel Ricciardo. Super quick. [laughs] Danny looking at it like…big smile on his face. “It is what it is. You know?” [man]“I never left” “I never left. I’m back,baby. Honey Badger. Don’t give a shit.” (Hire him now DTS because he nailed that)

Fuck why they got to follow that shit with Zandvoort though

Daniel whoring about in his Enchante tattoo thigh high shorts

“Feels right. Feels good” (It sure does Danny is sure does)

EVERYONE LOVES DANIEL

And they get him straight to a photoshoot to whore him out

THEY DID NOT USE HIM WINKING IN THE INTRO (da fuck you lot doing? Give the people what they want)

Yes Christian 2025 prospect (he’s a shoe in ahh? See what I did there) 😉👟🍾

FUCK YOU MICAHEL ITALIANO (why is he getting air time) I’m glad he’s left F1

OHH NO OHH NO OHH NO NO NO NO NO NO

IM CRYING AGAIN. I CRIED WHEN IT HAPPENED AND IM CRYING AGAIN

Ohh they have his X-ray

Clairey bear

Cue Liam Lawson (I do love you but I missed Danny terribly)

The others telling Liam to be prepared (this is very welcome to our toxic work environment)

‘She doesn’t even go here’ (a Danica story)

Liam out qualifies all the red bull drivers (yes kiddo)

DANNY BACKS (SCREWS AND ALL) for engineering purposes only

Umm why are you hurting him? DONT TOUCH HIM! (Look yes I know it’s physiotherapy and he needs it. But I’ve broken my hand before the left one as well and driving a normal road car caused me to cry in pain so when I say don’t touch him I mean it)

I SWEAR TO GOD ZAK YOU STAY THEY HELL AWAY FROM HIM

Checo clips Yuki and he’s out (he probably thought it was Daniel trying to take his seat. It’s his in 2025 mate there’s no fighting it)

Ohh look Alpine with reliability issues (things you continue to see)

Yes DTS let’s show Russel’s crash from another angle 😂

POINTS FOR LIAM 🎉🥳

Are we positive he was in Sydney and not Perth?

Yes king SWEAT SWEAT SWEAT

Yuki GP time

Not Suzuka having Daniel, Yuki and Liam on all the banners

Poor Yuki being overwhelmed by the fans. I understand fans being excited but he’s cornered in the car and clearly doesn’t feel safe (and for Michael to be like it’s ok the fans are happy is actually the problem at hand. His and all the drivers safety has to come first and he point blank didn’t feel safe you arsehole Michael so it’s not okay)

Yuki honey it’s okay Liam not going to hit you

If we can’t have an Aussie a Kiwi will do

Liam finding out Daniel’s and Yuki are getting announced for 2024 🥺

Liam mate I’m sorry you deserve better

Mexi-coooooo

HES BACK BACK

Yes yes your P10 in the constructors (just you wait, just you fucking wait)

Checo out before turn 1 (its AUSGP all over again)

Ohh look another McLaren/Alpha Tauri incident 😤

No McLaren the plan is not to attack Daniel (haven’t you fucking done enough?)

P7 BABBYYYYYY

ENCHANTE, MON AMI

See your P8 now (told you to wait and see)

Yes Christian, Daniel did drive a good race (remember that and who didn’t)

Look at him and his little moustache

Will: ‘ I think this is only part one of a far wider story.’ (Yes 2024 season will be epic for Danny Ric)

[typingtess]

NCIS: Los Angeles Season 14 Rewatch:    “New Beginnings Part II”

The basics:  The OSP works with the ATF on a gun deal while personal changes come to the team.

Written by:   Kyle Harimoto & R. Scott Gemmill

Kyle Harimoto wrote "Omni", "Merry Evasion", "Chernoff, K" (season six finale), "Command and Control" as episode 150, "Granger, O.", "Ghost Gun", "Kulinda", "767", "Se Murio El Payaso", "Assets"/"Liabilities", "Venganza", "Superhuman", "One of Us", "Let Fate Decide" (season 11 premiere), "Decoy", "Answers" , "Watch Over Me", "Cash Flow", "Fukushu", "Bonafides", "Come Together" (season 13 finale) and "Of Value".  He co-wrote "Three Hearts", "Leipei", "Humbug", both ends of the "Matryoshka" two-parter (part one with Gemmill), "Smokescreen" part two, "Searching", "A Fait Acompli", "A Tale of Two Igors" (season 12 finale, with Gemmill), "Best Seller" and “New Beginnings Part I” (with Gemmill)

R. Scott Gemmill wrote/cowrote "The Only Easy Day", "Brimstone", "Breach", "LD50", "Found", "Borderline", "Absolution", "Archangel", "Tin Soldiers", "Impostors", "Cyberthreat", "Honor", "The Watchers" and both sides of the NCIS Los: Angeles/Hawaii Five-0 "Touch of Death" episodes, "Recruit", "Free Ride", "Wanted", "Ravens and The Swans", "Impact", "War Cries", both ends of the "Deep Trouble" season five finale/season six premiere, "Inelegant Heart", "Praesidium", "Traitor", "Active Measures" (season seven premiere), "Blame It On Rio", "Internal Affairs", "Matryoshka" part one (with Harimoto),  "Talion" (season seven finale), "High Value Target"/"Belly of the Beast" (season eight premieres), "The Queen’s Gambit", "Under Siege", "Unleashed" (season eight finale), "Party Crashers" (season nine’s premiere), "This Is What We Do" (episode 200), "Các Tù Nhân", "Goodbye Vietnam", "Ninguna Salida" (the season nine finale), "Hit List", "Asesinos", "Till Death Do Us Part", "Choke Point", "The Guardian", "Hail Mary", "Kill Beale Vol. 1", "Alsiyadun", "Fortune Favors the Brave", "The Bear" (season 12 premiere), "Angry Karen", "Love Kills", "Russia, Russia, Russia", "The Noble Maidens", "A Tale of Two Igors" (season 12 finale with Harimoto), "Subject 17" (season 13 premiere), "All The Little Things", "MWD", Work and Family", "Game of Drones", "A Long Time Coming" and “New Beginnings Part I” (with Harimoto).

Directed by:   John P. Kousakis directed "Imposters", "Sacrifice", "San Voir" part one, "The Fifth Man", "Parley", "Inelegant Heart", "Chernoff, K." (season six finale), "Active Measures", "The Long Goodbye", "Talion" (season seven finale), "Glasnost", "Unleashed" (season 8 finale), "Party Crashers" (season nine premiere), "This Is What We Do" (episode 200), "Goodbye Vietnam", "Ninguna Salida" (season nine finale), "The Guardian", "High Society", "A Tale of Two Igors" (season 12 finale), "Under the Influence", "Genesis", "Come Together" (season 13 finale), "A Farewell to Arms", “New Beginnings Part I”, all of the Afghanistan scenes from "Iron Curtain Rising" to "Zero Days" in season five and all of Kensi’s injury/recovery storyline scenes from "The Queen’s Gambit" to "Sirens" in season eight. 

Guest stars of note: Bar Paly as Anastasia "Anna" Kolchek, Vyto Rugins as Arkady Kolcheck, Ava McCoy as Jordyn Rountree, Natalia del Riego as Rosa, Lesley Boone as Nina Barnes Duncan Campbell as Agent Castor, CSI’s Liz Vassey as ATF SAC Kerry Adams and UFC Champion Randy Couture as ATF Agent Bill Newsome are all back from Part 1.  Pamela Reed as Roberta Deeks returned from season 14’s seventh episode “Survival of the Fittest”, Peter Cambor as Nate Getz returned from “Genesis” in season 13, Erik Palladino returned from season 14’s “Best Seller” as Vostanick Sabatino, Renee Felice Smith returned as Nell Jones from the season 12 finale “A Tale of Two Igors”, Chip O’Donnell as the New Guy.

Linda Hunt was credited for her voice over work.  Both Cambor and Hunt were credited at the end of the episode to add to the surprise.

Our heroes:   Sail into the sunset

What important things did we learn about: Callen:   Married Sam:   Best Man. Kensi:  Pregnant. Deeks:    Dad to be. Fatima:   Catches the bouquet. Rountree:  Proud brother. Kilbride:  Worried about the younger staffers.

What not so important things did we learn about: Callen:  His Mr. Carl is a butch Mr. Rogers. Sam:    Switch is a specific man. Kensi:   Glowing according to Anna. Deeks:    Former member of the Kiss Army. Fatima:   Running things in Ops with Rountree Rountree:   See Fatima. Kilbride:   Calling the Argentinean military about some missing guns.

Where in the world is Henrietta Lange?  Hopefully somewhere where Callen, Sam, Nell, Nate, Sabatino and the New Guy can find her.

Who's down with OTP:   One got married, one is having a baby.

Who's down with BrOTP:   The show’s central relationship is doing just fine.

Fashion review:  The main characters all wore their Part 1 clothes for most of the episode.  Sam changed into a black Carhart jacket, black tee and black pants as Switch.  At the wedding, Callen and Sam looked spiffy in their tuxedos.  Callen wore a bow tie, Sam a long black silk tie.  Kensi wore a lovely grey gown.  Deeks went with fashion forward with a pink jacket, crisp white dress shirt with no tie and black pants.  Fatima wore a beautiful red gown.  Rountree went with a dark suit and a white tee-shirt.  The Admiral work his work suit, which transitioned nicely into evening wear.  At the end of the episode, Callen is in a light blue button down shirt, Sam is wearing an olive green field coat with a black baseball cap.

Music:   “Private Number” by William Bell featuring Judy Clay played in the after wedding scenes.  “Midunya” by Moroccan Spirit was playing when Callen and Sam arrived in Morocco.  “Hold On, I’m Coming” by Sam & Dave ended the episode.

Any notable cut scene:  No.

Quote:  “I most certainly do.”

Anything else:  Previously-s including the Admiral meeting with Adams, the team meeting with Newsome, meeting with Nina Barnes, the fight in the bad guy’s house and learning that Kerry Adams is dirty.

The shooting continues in the garage.  Callen and Sam find cover behind two different cement columns as Adams and her driver reload.  The time reloading gives Callen and Sam the window to shoot both Adams and her driver.  Adams is alive and trying to get to her weapon.  Callen gets to her gun first.  He calls for an ambulance.  She doesn’t know how Callen and Sam figured things out.

The opening credits are a nice mix of 14-seasons worth of credits.

Callen, Sam and in an-Ops Fatima and Rountree debate whether Adams was dirty and setting up Newsome to take the fall or if Adams and Newsome were working together.  If Newsome is dirty, Kensi and Deeks could be in trouble.   Fatima will contact the two about the change in the ATF’s relationship with NCIS.  Rountree has news from Commander Collins.  About  90% of the stolen weapons are used by the Argentinean military.  The Admiral is going to tell Argentina’s military that someone is stealing from their bunkers.

On overwatch, Deeks is out of snacks.  Kensi isn’t eating – they aren’t on a picnic, they are on overwatch.  They debate whether Newsome is dirty or not.  Deeks wants to play “I Spy”, Kensi really does not.

In the boat shed, Castor brings Nina Barnes to a patiently waiting Callen and Sam.  Castor and Barnes have Starbucks – Castor ordered a girly drink.  Callen wanted Barnes to appear because it was “urgent” but obviously she didn’t think it was urgent.   Since she’s not getting paid, she’s running on her schedule.  Callen asks if Barnes knows who is moving the weapons.  She does not have a name but the weapon buyers but knows they are moving the money with special fund exchange where she may or may not have an account.  Barnes thinks she can set up an arrangement with the weapons broker.  Asked about how the money is moved, Barnes explains that everything is done with an air-gapped computer.  “Good luck with that.” 

All dressed in black, Barnes is reading to make the deal with “Switch”.  She sees the new armory in the boat shed and thinks it had to be Kibride’s idea.  He had a similar set-up when he lived in Texas but the guns came up from the ground.  Callen, Sam and Barnes leave to make a deal with the gunrunners.

Sam and Barnes go to a up for rent restaurant to meet with the gunrunners.  Sam takes a weapon from the boat shed’s armory.

With Kilbride keeping Fatima and Rountree in Ops, Kensi and Deeks are on their own watching Newsome.  Deeks takes out his earwig, Kensi does the same.  Saying they don’t have to be so far away in overwatch, he wants them to move up closer to Newsome and the bad guys.  Kensi could check out the van with the weapons while Deeks causes a distraction with some “bubble gum.”

In the restaurant, Sam and Barnes are searched even though she “never has anything on me.”  The guard find’s Sam’s gun.  He’ll get it when their business is completed.  A man, Bryant, comes from the kitchen.  He’s not happy, the rules are Barnes only comes alone – who is her guest.  Sam introduces himself as Switch saying “this bitch owes me money.”  Since Barnes has credits in the system, she wants to cash out - $110,000, a specific number for a specific man.

From Ops, Rountree has the schematics of the restaurant and will guide Callen to where he needs to be.  Meanwhile, Fatima is cutting cell service so Callen will have to use satellite technology to stay in contact with Ops.  Callen makes his way into the building, just missing being seen by Bryant and his guard.  Bryant notices there is no cell service.  He’s off to check if Barnes has enough money in her account.

The guard returns to Sam and Barnes – Bryant is getting approval to move the money.  Sam/Switch isn’t interested in approval, he’s interested in getting his money.  Barnes wants the money – it is her money.

Deeks is yelling near the gate of the bad guy’s house, looking for Bubble Gum, his Burmese python that gone missing.  The last time he slithered away, he ate a coyote and was sick.  The guys at the front gate want nothing to do with “freak boy” Deeks.  Kensi is able to get near the vans and place cameras on the vehicle.  Deeks is going on about his hypoglycemic snake.  Fatima and Rountree are getting feeds from the cameras.  Deeks is warning the guys at the front gate that their dogs, cats, platypus’s are all in danger with Bubble Gum slithering free.  When Deeks gets the all clear, he leaves after seeing Bubblegum.

Walking into Ops, the Admiral sees that Kensi is just outside of the house and Deeks is by the gates.  He also sees video of the weapons inside the vans being sent by the cameras Kensi attached.   Unhappy the plan was not “vetted by me”, the Admiral wants Kensi and Deeks back on overwatch until the team knows who is running the guns.  He also asks if Callen has found the air-gapped computer.  He has not.  This isn’t good – “we’re running out of time,” according the Admiral. 

The Admiral tells Fatima and Rountree there is a lot of admire about the senior members of the team, a lot to learn from them.  Rountree says they’ve learned a lot from them.  The Admiral was not in the mood to be interrupted since he wasn’t finished.  Kilbride does not want Fatima and Rountree to learn that disobeying orders is appropriate.  Fatima wonders if Kensi and Deeks were “technically” disobeying orders.  They were according to the Admiral, “what the hell would you call it?”  When there is no answer, the Admiral demands one since there are no wrong answers.  Rountree thinks Kensi and Deeks showed initiative.  “Wrong,” the Admiral yells – seems there were wrong answers.  Also, Fatima sort of smiles and that doesn’t help her cause.  She finally raises her hand wondering if they should join Kensi and Deeks in the field.  That goes over poorly.  They will remain in Ops to support the team.

Callen gets Bryant into a sleeper hold, knocking the man out.  A few zip-ties later and Callen is at the stopgap computer.  With his satellite phone, he gets Fatima and Rountree into the computer.   Fatima finds who got the weapons to the gunrunner while Rountree looks for the buyer – Maximillian Dana.  Dana is a businessman with restaurants, dry cleaners and other stores.  Obviously he also sells guns.  Kilbride gives the green light – Callen and Sam can end their work at the restaurant, Kensi and Deeks can secure the weapons.

Just as Callen is about to get offline, the Bryant’s guard walks in.  He takes a few shots at Callen before Callen can take him down.  The shooting in the back of restaurant has Sam, Barnes and the guards in the front of the restaurants all pointing fingers at each other.  Sam thinks the cops are coming.  One of the guards starts shooting.  Barnes pulls a gun from her bra and takes him down.  Sam takes a gun from one of the guards.  Barnes covers Sam as he gets back his weapon.  The two take out the last guard.  Sam gets an all clear from Callen before childing Barnes for not telling him she was armed.  She likes the element of surprise, besides “real gentlemen never touch the good stuff.”  The gun is her “Double D-Defender.”

As she moves to the house, Kensi is taken by surprise by a guard coming up from behind her.  The two struggle falling through a glass door.  Kensi is off comms at this point so Fatima sends in Deeks behind her.  He jumps a fence to get to her, making sure the guard near Kensi stays unarmed.  “God I love you,” Deeks tells her before two other guards arrive.  Kensi takes out one, Deeks the other in a show of great teamwork.  Both Fatima and Rountree are impressed by Kensi’s work.

In the bad guys’ playroom, one of the two remaining henchmen says he’s lost contact with the other guards.  This causes the two to go after Newsome.  They think he’s a cop.  “Kill him.”   Hiding in a closet, Newsome knocks out one of the henchmen, getting his weapon.  The other henchman makes a threat against Newsome.  With the big weapon from the bad guy, Newsome shoots out a wall, shooting henchmen number two.

Outside of the house, the surviving henchmen are being taken away in ambulances.  Kensi and Deeks are sitting the back of an open police SUV when Newsome comes by.  While it is tough for him to admit, he was happy to have NCIS’s help.  He promises that if NCIS ever needs help, he’s there.  Deeks start talking about all the NCIS team members going lone wolf at different parts of their time with the agency and it rarely works.  Newsome has heard enough to know he likes working alone.  As he departs, Kensi gets a text.  Callen wants to meet with them in Beverly Hills.  If Kensi and Deeks leave right now, they could swing by Rosa’s softball games.  Deeks likes the idea of hot dogs and soda.  That gets a “hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo” from Kensi.

Rountree is waiting for Jordyn.  Her alumni interview went well.  Her grades and professor recommendations are among the best they’ve ever seen and certainly the best this year.  Jordyn feels Rountree “oozing negative energy.”  Rountree explains that there is news in their case.  There will be no LAPD trial.  Jordyn is shocked.  There will be a settlement and while Jordyn doesn’t want to, Rountree tells her it is a lot of money.  It will pay for all of Jordyn’s medical school tuition/expenses with enough money left over that they could buy a condo and stop paying rent.  They don’t have to make the decision today but they do have to make a decision.  Rountree thinks the best outcome of this terrible incident is that they can change the trajectory of their family tree.  Jordyn disagrees – they changed that by both being college graduates.  Now Rountree disagrees – Jordyn is going to have more than a college degree, she’s going to be a doctor.  Rountree reminds Jordyn that she did all the hard work – getting the grads, studying, acing her interview.  He’s “damn proud” to call her his sister.

Callen walks into his house as Arkady and Anna are bickering about the seating plan.  Arkady asks Callen where should he sit for the wedding.  “In the parking lot,” is Callen’s answer.  Anna will let Arkady pick his seat if he brings one guest.  Arkady explains he was always a “plus two” wedding guest.  The conversation turns to Titan the DJ and Callen wants no part of it.  He wants to speak privately to Anna, who is about to go but first she warns Arkady that if he touches the seating chart, “I will cut you.”  Arkady is proud – Anna reminds him of her mother.  “And you see what that got her.”  And adds “she will always be my minus one.”

Saying she’s going to kill Arkady, Callen tells Anna to give him the head’s up – Arkady is too big to move alone.  “Not if I cut him into pieces.”  Callen asks Anna if she still wants to get married.  She does but is worried he doesn’t.  He does.   He really does.  He just doesn’t want to do it this way.  Anna apologizes that the wedding planning has gone badly.  Callen promises Anna that none of this matters – he wants to get married now.  “Now now, right now.”  Anna says she looks like a mess.  They can get married at City Hall.  Anna can wear her dress, Callen will borrow a tux from work.  Arkady can go if Anna wants him there.  Callen even called Stacey, Anna’s maid of honor. She’s out of town.  Anna has a backup plan.  She is grateful to Callen.  The two kiss.

Kensi cannot believe that Callen and Anna are getting married.  She is putting on an nice gown.  An arriving Rosa has two dresses – a blue one with polka dots and a pink and green floral dress – and she can’t decide.  Kensi like the pink and green.  Deeks shows up in a dress shirt without his pants.  He can’t find them but Kensi tells him they are in the laundry.  Asked by Rosa which dress, Deeks thinks they’re both beautiful but obviously, the blue one.  Rosa thinks her parents aren’t helping.

Kensi struggles to zip up the back of her dress when the phone rings.  Deeks can’t get the phone so Kensi answers.  It is Dr. Cassell asking how Kensi feels.  She’s thinking of sticking with the bland diet.  The doctor gives her news and she starts crying.  Deeks returns, asking about his shoes.  Kensi ends the call and she’s really crying.  Deeks is as upset as she is – wanting to know how was on the phone. The two hug, he’s scared she’s not talking.  She finally tells him, “we’re having a baby.”  Deeks is stunned – they tried everything and nothing worked.  The two hug again.  He’s thrilled it wasn’t her food that made her sick.  Kensi starts to laugh.  A returning Rosa asks what’s going on.  Deeks tells her she’s going to be a big sister.  Rosa is happy too.  The three have a big family hug.  Kensi wants them to keep this all a secret – today is about Callen and Anna.  “Who?” Deeks asks before agreeing to keep things quiet.  Deeks want to confirm things with Dr. Cassell.

At the courthouse, Callen and Sam are dressed in their fancy tuxedos.  Callen thanks Sam for being his best man.  “I would not be here today if it wasn’t for you.”  Sam agrees.  Callen wonders if Sam feels the same.  After teasing about some heartfelt moments being missed, Sam agrees.  The two shares “I loves you’s” and a big hug.  Callen is ready to get married.  The guests are in the middle of the courthouse floor.  Rountree, Deeks, Bertie, Rosa, Arkady, Admiral and Fatima are all waiting.  All smiling.  Anna arrives with Kensi as her bridesmaid and a judge.  “Let’s get ready to rumble,” the judge says.

Callen and Anna say their “I do’s” with a weeping Arkady watching over Kensi’s shoulder.  Callen jumped the gun on his “I do”, cracking up the crowd before saying “I most certainly do.”  The two exchange rings and their first married kiss.  The Admiral wishes Callen and Anna their best.  Kensi thinks Anna looks stunning, Anna thinks Kensi is glowing.  Deeks is eyeballing Arkady and Bertie together.  Rosa thinks Arkady and Bertie make a great couple.  Deeks asks Rosa if Arkady is what she wants in a grandpa.

Fatima catches Anna’s bouquet, with a “hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo” from Rountree this time.  She tries to pass him the bouquet but he passes it right.  Fatima jokingly calls him a coward.

Sam gives Callen another hug – he was sure he’d never see the day Callen would be happily married.  A man speaking Arabic comes up to Callen and Sam, offering a letter complete with a wax seal, saying “May God protect you, have a blessed day,” translated by Sam. 

As the man leaves, Sam goes after him while Callen opens the letter.  It is from Hetty, who offers congratulations on the wedding and disappointment that she is missing “a glorious occasion”.   While people think she never had a family, Hetty begs to differ, she has had the greatest family a person could wish for “and so have you.”  Callen looks up and sees everyone at the wedding have a great time.  Anna comes to Callen, asking about the letter.  Sam returns.  He tells them about the letter, which Sam knew had to be about the wedding because Hetty is Hetty.  Hetty offers her house in Mykonos for the honeymoon – “stay as long as you like.”  Anna always liked Hetty. 

Inside the envelope are plane tickets to Morocco for a small side project.  Anna promises to meet Callen in Greece as long as Sam keeps Callen alive.

In Morocco, Callen and Sam are in a jeep, going to a side of the road market in their GPS’s coordinates.  Callen is hoping for a cold beer, Sam thinks he’ll be lucky to get some mint tea.  Callen prefers mouthwash.  Sam is hoping some of the locals speak French. Callen is confused – Sam speaks Arabic.  He does, but not the local Darija Arabic spoken by the Morocco locals. 

Callen is drawn to a little woman drinking tea. Saying “Hetty”, the little woman is Nell.  Hetty has gotten herself into a little pickle and Nell with her team is having a hard time getting Hetty out.  “Don’t tell me Beale’s here with you,” Callen says.  Beale is giving a TED talk in Singapore.  Nell’s team arrives – Nate, with a pornstache, Sabatino and the New Guy who is really named Willis even if Sabatino only calls him New Guy.  Nate tells Callen and Sam their up to their asses in alligators.  Having Callen and Sam there is going to help.  Callen notes they were brought to Morocco  under false circumstances.   Nell gives a very Hetty answer:  “Subterfuge is the foundation of good espionage.”  “You’re getting more like Hetty every day,” Sam tells Nell, who takes it like a compliment.  Nell is working on a plan.  Sam and Dave’s “Hold On, I’m Coming” plays as Nell asks if Callen and Sam are ready for their new adventure.  They are.

What head canon can be formed from here:     This is how you do fan service.  Almost every major character got their storyline wrapped up.  Callen, who opened the series as the orphan without a first name, is Grisha who has a living sister, a nephew, a new bride and a wacky father-in-law.  Kensi opened the series as the woman who lost all the men in her life now had a loving husband and was starting a family of her own.  Deeks is a variation of this – his fracture family in childhood has become a loving wife, daughter and a baby on the way.  Rountree’s conversation with Jordyn in Part I changed their family tree with their educations but the settlement with LAPD lets the two move forward with those changes.

As for Sam, I think they knew he was moving to NCIS: Hawai’i for a season.   Sam, the family man, spent the season keeping his son in the air, reminded his daughter that he loves her for the person she is not for the persons she chooses to love and took care of the father who helped make him the man he was.  He could leave them for a year knowing everyone is in a good place. Speaking of fathers and sons getting to a good place, the Admiral getting basically his own episode to start repairing his relationship with his son.

The only one who didn’t quite get her own ending was Fatima.  Catching the bouquet at the wedding may be a hint of where she may wind up with Ali but she was the only character really left hanging.

Planning a season wrap-up next week and a series review week after that. 

Thank you for reading these over the years.  The program got me back into fannish things after a long break.  The community here in Tumblr is terrific.  This is how you fandom.

Episode number:   This is both the season 14 finale and the series finale, episode number 323.

[maspers]

Ranking the Miracucast by how willing they are to attempt bingewatching the entirety of One Piece in one sitting.

(Disclaimer do not actually attempt this unless you have zero regard for your health)

Marinette: She wanted to when she heard Adrien was going to be there. So she's willing. But she just doesn't have the TIME. Between school and heroics and helping out at the shop and commissions and literally everything else ever, watching One Piece in one go doesn't have a chance of ever happening. 3/10

Alya: She and Nino are the ones who set up the bingewatch party, but a reporter's work is never done so she just kind of has it on in the background while she works on her latest post. It's on continuously, but she's definitely not there for all of it. 5/10

Adrien: Yes. 10/10

Nino: See Alya, except he actually tries to watch it because he wants to ensure all his friends are having a good time. Of course, the group lasted about a day before they gave up, but the attempt was there. 6/10

Chloe: Two options: she thinks the whole idea is ridiculous and isn't watching (0/10) OR she thinks the whole idea is ridiculous but also wanted to join Adrien. She makes the mistake of watching a few episodes and now she's INVESTED (8/10). Could go either way. 4/10 on average.

Sabrina: This girl watches so much anime in her downtime. Look at her. You know it's true. She would never tell Chloe, but after the great Boss/Minion Breakup of Season 5 Sabrina has all the time in the world and she is using it to watch One Piece. 8/10

Mylene: Thinks the show is charming but not all that interesting to her. But can bingewatch it with Ivan and cuddle up against his giant teddy bear body while basically ignoring the show and that's fine with her. 4/10

Ivan, Rose, Juleka, and Luka: Kitty Section as a whole loves this show to bits and when they all realized they had a two-week vacation they knew what they would be doing. Anarka basically had to host a One Piece summer camp on the Liberty for the six of them (including Adrien as part of the band, and Mylene as Ivan's +1), and they slept in shifts to ensure that they didn't have to stop the show. It was a whole fiasco. They will never do anything like this ever again. They returned to school tired and sore and in agonizing pain. Luka's hands are in excruciating pain because he just HAD to play along with the sheer emotion of the show, Ivan accidentally passed out and crushed his desk, and Adrien's modeling shoots had to be postponed until he could fix his posture after sitting so long. Even Juleka looked tired, and she never looks tired. Mylene was fine because she basically slept though most of it, but Rose is somehow still bursting with energy. "We should do that again sometime! That was really fun!" Cue a chorus of groans. 11/10

Kim: I'm not sure if Kim knows what anime is. Like, I want to say he knows, but at the same time, does he really? I genuinely have no clue. Can someone please help me here? The mind of Kim is a mind I don't think anyone can truly decipher. ?/10

Max: He has done the math. He knows how long it would take. He's not suicidal. But he does like the show, and will make token appearances at his friends' watch parties. 2/10

Alix: Sorry Alix, this is not a situation you can cheat your way through using time travel. No, Alix, having each episode open on a different viewing port playing simultaneously does not count. No points for you. -Alix/10

Nathaniel: Tried to get Marc to do it. Marc thankfully talked him out of it. Nath still dreams of doing it one day. 4/10, potential to eventually reach 9/10 if he can wear Marc down.

Lila: Says she's done it. But the entirety of Kitty Section knows she's lying. That kind of thing leaves a mark on people. 0/10

Kagami: Adrien told her where he learned most of his Japanese vocabulary from and she just facepalmed. And then sat down to watch it with him. She'd definitely not watching all of it, but she'll enjoy some in her free time? 5/10

Marc: He can see the hunger in Nathaniel's eyes. He can feel it emanating. The One Piece fan in Nath wants to come out and stay out. Marc will not let it. He will hold the line. He will never give up, never surrender. But he can feel the power, clawing at his brain. The secret feelings, deep down. "Don't you want to see if you COULD do it?" He shoves those thoughts deeper. Nathaniel can never know. Must never know. Because then the battle will be lost. 1/10

Ondine: Actually knows what anime is, and probably has the physical fortitude to make it through a One Piece marathon with minimal physical backlash. Unfortunately her actually doing that would be dependent on Kim (see above) so I hope you understand why this ranking isn't a certain as I would like. 7/10

Aurore: Not on your life. 0/10

Felix: He would never marathon the whole thing himself, but he did provide Adrien and the rest of Kitty Section with their sleep schedule for their marathon. 2/10

Zoe: She has dreamed of marathoning an anime her entire life, and now she has friends to marathon anime with! But she's not doing One Piece. That would be an absolute nightmare, only insane people try to marathon all of One Piece. Instead she has Plans. One Piece is cool tho. 4/10

[talenlee]

OP OPs

Sometimes an anime has an opening that’s so good the anime in question can’t live up to it. Sometimes an anime that’s absolute turds gets an OP that’s an absolute banger because the people making the opener still want a career in the industry and nobody maligns their work because of the anime association. After all, Bleach made a bunch of number 1 hits.

And bear in mind, I’m pre-emptively cutting things where the opening of the anime is so good that even a good anime can’t match up to it. Otherwise we’d have things like Gunsmith Cats and Paranoia Agent in this list because even though those are great shows their openings are preposterous. I might even put season 1 of Oshi No Ko in that list, where a good show I enjoyed had to grapple with an opening so good that the rest of the series can go sit on a shelf. Asterisk is the opening to an anime that went absolutely down the toilet but I don’t think it’s a fair example of what this is.

Nope, this is about real duds of an anime that had an inexplicably good opening. These are anime that are going to crest the high water mark of ‘mid.’ I’m also avoiding anime that I just don’t like that I think still appeal to their core audience. This is stuff that I feel like it wants me to like it, specifically, and it did a bad job at delivering on that because of plotting, pacing, storytelling, getting distracted and trailing off mid sandwiches or wanting to be about something that maybe was racist or creepy. Also, just assume all the good openings for My Hero Academia are here in honorary slots, because that show is pants.

Ready go go go go

Photon

Photon: The Idiot Adventures (Intro) [HD]

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This opening has nipples in it, so you’ll have to click through to see it.

Photon: The Idiot Adventures is a particular type of anime that wants to use a stupid character as its excuse for its stupid story. It’s a fanservice adventure anime tied in with the Tenchi Muyoverse which means it has every bit of depth and meaningful relationship to long term storytelling that that Star Wars EU wanted to be. It’s built around a main character, named Photon, who is superhumanly strong and incredibly stupid, and gets caught up in the adventure of other characters who are you know, doing stuff and accidentally lays claim to a gorgeous supermodel who shows off her boobs a lot because he drew an insult on her forehead, which, you know, that’s a normal and not-contrived reason for a character who can’t talk to suddenly get foisted with a harem. He’s also the stupidest person in the world, so stupidity-powered magic doesn’t work on him.

Photon is six episodes long and I have told you everything interesting in it in that one paragraph.

The opening however? Beautiful! I’ve had it on the playlists for twenty years, with its lovely mix of restful pipes and then sudden, soaring guitar. Great theme! Love it to bits! The show sucks!

Outlaw Star

Outlaw Star opening HD

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This may infringe on the memories of Americans who were teenagers during the Toonami days, but Outlaw Star kind of gets to sneak along in the shadow of Cowboy Bebop, a show that is also about cowboys in space but crucially avoids a lot of nasty, sexist stuff around Space Catgirls that unfortunately, serves as the foundation of Outlaw Star. Also, they broadcast it dubbed, which, y’know, everyone involved was trying their best, I am sure. I might just be a bit bitter because of the entire idea of ‘cool fighty catgirl who is actually just the same archetype as all the other protagonist-seeking wastes of space’ and she looks like a stick most of the time.

Outlaw Star’s opening oozes style. It’s slick and it’s got a bright, aggressive feeling to it that it compliments by bringing down each phrase in the opening in this sequential sort of verbal stomp. And they don’t just do it once, they use that to punctuate the start and wrap of the song.

Orphen Op 1

Majutsushi Orphen Opening 1 - Ai Just on my Love

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You will never encounter such an enduring truth that anime is not a meritocracy that Sorcerous Stabber Orphen is still being made.

Orphen is a very rudimentary anime series based on what I think is a playstation era JRPG or whatever, which tells the story of a very good magic boy who is good at magic but he is sad about his magic because his mentor was better at magic and then she messed up and turned into a dragon so now he’s on a quest to follow that dragon and turn her back into a pretty lady who he wants to kiss. This is not a hollow concept in and of itself, it’s not a bad place to start, and quite frankly ‘here is an adventure idiot, good at magic’ was the heart of Slayers, one of the routine winners of Best In Category anime that exist.

What set Orphen apart is the way that the first series back in the 90s was agonisingly slow in the way it wanted to cover every detail of every mid-quest on every step, but the way it padded that slowness with multiple iterations on conversations with the characters bouncing back and forth to the two reaction characters, a Girl who is there to be a problem and a boy who is there to talk about how great Orphen is in every scene.

See all that cool action in the opening?

Yeah, that’s not in the show.

Shame, I love this jazzy opening.

The Masterful Cat is Depressed Again Today

デキる猫は今日も憂鬱 [The Masterful Cat is Depressed Again Today] - Title Song

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See! I’m not just making fun of 90s anime we had to suffer through because someone bought all the VHS to club and there was only so much anime we could even watch! We were going to get our money’s worth out of it, after all, right? No, I’m also going to make fun of new anime, like the recent show The Masterful Cat Is Depressed Again!

I didn’t like this show for a whole host of reasons, not the least of which being that it’s boring, but also the character of the cat is ruined by letting him speak. When he’s just a big cool cat that does something weird, it’s interesting and confusing and asks questions. When we get his inner dialogue he’s a fat-shaming asshole who makes fun of his owner for being overburdened under capitalism and not caring about appearances the way he, a cat does.

The opening paints a fun story about a slice of life story that’s about a sort of lifting, hopeful tone, something that speaks to the story of a commuter, a liver of life in the city, a main character who spends her time moving from project to project, making friends at the office, and then coming home to her ‘roommate’ who is a full time carer. It’s a really good, breezy opening for what it’s doing, and a lovely song with some acrobatics to match with the way the animation wants to follow the movement of a cat running around excitedly!

Metallic Rouge

Metallic Rouge - Opening | Rouge

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Make whatever excuses you want, complain about a truncated schedule, whatever you want, this is ultimately a science fiction story about ‘well, what if slavery isn’t so bad?’ Which is a shame because the music is stylish and bouncy, plays with the feeling of transformation and has a wonderful break into the feeling of impact in the later part of the song. I really like the way Metallic Rouge sounds and it stands out how the anime is as a show absolutely not going to live up to this standard.

They even do it twice: Crimson Lightning is a great ‘time for an ass kicking’ song that this anime absolutely does not deserve.

Peacemaker Kurogane’s ED

PeaceMaker Kurogane END (Hey! Jimmy)

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This is something of a cheat because it’s an ending, not an opening. On the other hand, this song is just such a legitimately fun, crunchy rock track that sings the song of a cool guy named Jimmy who needs to be encouraged to stand up for himself, even to the point the chorus chants it out —

YOU GOT TO FIGHT FOR YO MONEY

— that it stuck in my memory for decades.

Know what I can’t tell you? I can’t tell you anything else about Peacemaker Kurogane except the main character really wants to be one of the secret police who stalk people in Tokyo during the lockdowns on poor people.

DNA^2

opening dna 2

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The 90s were a different time, which is a shame, because if it was right now, we’d have the opportunity to prevent 9/11 and kill Shinzo Abe earlier. But particularly of note is this little spur of a song by industry titans L’arc En Ciel. You probably recognise their sound from Ready Steady Go, an opening for Fullmetal Alchemist, or the ending of Rurouni Kenshin, where, hilariously, the single was dropped from the show because the drummer of the band was caught with drugs.

boy how that feels different now.

Anyway, Blurry Eyes is a great pop song, I love it a lot. I wish it wasn’t attached to this awful anime that follows in the footprints if not blueprints of the author’s previous work, Video Girl Ai. But where Ai was about the idea of ‘what if a computer could love you back,’ DNA^2 is about ‘what if an incel was secretly so sigma he would breed humanity into extinction if he ever decided to have sex.’ It has time travel, it has Super Saiyan modes, it has ridiculous powers, and it has just way too much unsettling and unpleasant relationships to sex and sexuality that treats men as incapable of being responsible with things like ‘who they fuck’ because birth control doesn’t exist in the world.

I didn’t mean to bring up Shinzo Abe without a good reason, but uh…

Love Hina

"Sakura Saku" - Love Hina Opening 1080p

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This show was an international success for so many reasons, many of which were ‘nobody thought the two children in the harem were a problem, and that’s a pretty weird thing to be okay with,’ but also the opening was great. For a manic, high-speed anime that wanted to present a feeling of being out of control, Sakura Saku had a great vibe to fit with the animation, but it even transcended the indescribable midness of being (Love Hina).

I don’t have a lot to say here, though because this was one of many anime with a Megumi Hayashibara single as the opening, in the period of her life when she was probably at the height of her sheer star-making power. This anime literally lowered everyone’s standards, but I watched the opening every episode.

(Weirdly? The manga’s markedly better.)

Bakuretsu Tenshi

Burst Angel - opening - loosey

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Sometimes there are people who will ruminate on how the lost of the OVA as a format meant we as a community lost something important, something deep in our culture as a way for animation studios to get started or to explore new and novel ideas that didn’t necessarily have a whole series to go for them. To that I would point out that online streaming media still has those spaces, and also, that system gave us Burst Angel, an anime that promises so much with its interesting ideas and runs out of steam in five episodes without much idea of what it’s doing after that point. It is an anime that has every chance to be good, and then they gave it to the guy who made MD Geist.

Heck, this was a studio Gonzo anime back when that wasn’t a punchline. Something to do with them pumping out huge amounts of anime very early in the studio’s life, almost like there was some kind of pervasive and abusive culture of overproduction.

Anyway.

Loosey is a real fun track! It’s got flute! It’s got chanting! It’s got a jazzy vibe in a time when anime could use more of those!

Wish the anime lived up to it, or even had, y’know, a second thing to remember it for.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!