#the author has no shame writing strange things and posting them

[it-happened-one-fic]

Any Weight - Idia

Author Notes: So I really didn't know what I was going to post today in terms of oneshots, so this happened. This fic has been sitting my google docs for quite while and honestly started out life as practice for writing Idia. I wrote this and edite it while listening to the song "Heavy in Your Arms" by Florence in the Machine. As per usual, reader is gender-neutral. I hope you enjoy!

Type: Gender-neutral reader/ sfw/ fluff with angst/ comfort/ romance highly implied/ Spoilers for Ignihyde Chapter

Word Count: 1539

Idia shifted slightly as you leaned against his back, reading some book as he farmed one of his games. And in easy, quiet moments like this, with the weight of your body resting gently against his, feeling like a silent but ever-present promise, it was easy to forget the truth of his situation. Of his life.

But Idia was cursed. It was a weighty, but simple truth that had hung over his head for his entire life. Because he’d never known a life where he wasn’t cursed.

Idia was cursed to remain chained to the Island of Woe, to S.T.Y.X., and to guard the remains of those who’d fallen prey to their own magic and dark thoughts, just like he almost had back when you’d come all the way to S.T.Y.X.’s headquarters after Grim and your friends.

Idia was also cursed to never be able to feel darkness’s embrace, which could hide even the greatest of shames, until the light inevitably came. Because his hair always shone that cold blue light on him. Never letting him hide away from the gaze of all those who looked upon him in horror or disgust and saw all of his many flaws.

Idia was even cursed by his own personality. Unable to tolerate being around others without shutting down and drowning in their silent gazes. Judgmental, fearful, and sometimes pitying, no matter how he felt about it.

It was disgusting, infuriating, and so many other things that left him filled with ire towards anyone and everyone who didn’t understand him or his life. If they were going to gawk at him, then he would mock them for their naive, stupid views, and avoid them. There was no use in bothering with people who would never care.

After all, his life had been decided for him from the very moment he’d been born.

And all of those reasons, as well as so many others, were why he’d pushed you away initially. A laughable thought now, considering you were sitting on his bed, with your back pressed to his in a gentle reminder of your presence that, rather than causing him to tense like so many did, made him relax into the silence that rested easily between the two of you.

But when he’d first met you, he never would have imagined this. Not with how you’d seemed so strange. 

A weirdo, to be sure, with the way your gaze had never held that crushing weight that threatened to smother him that so many others had.

Some person from another world who apparently had far greater concerns than a flame-haired freak that lived in some other dorm. And, to an extent, Idia had been able to respect that.

It had quickly become obvious that you were more than just a weirdo, though. If nothing else, you were capable of handling and surviving numerous overblots. And even as he was getting to know you, it had already been clear to Idia that you were capable of so much more than him.

And that was still clear to him even today. Because if he was a curse, then you were more akin to a blessing.

A blessing who stepped in and stopped overblots from destroying their victims rather than studying the remains of those who were already done for.

A blessing who could see people at their very worst, and still accept them.

And finally, you were a blessing in that you had a personality that was like a balm to introverts. A person he could just be himself around without having to be surrounded by the multitude of people who’d already noticed your calming demeanor.

In reality, Idia knew you weren’t a blessing. Something so good could never survive in a school like this one. And he’d experienced firsthand exactly how much of a pest you could be.

But even with that knowledge, there were still moments when you were like a protagonist with the way you stood out so glaringly from the crowd.

Of course, Idia stood out from the crowd as well, but never in a remotely good way. 

At odds with this, your only supposedly negative quality was that you lacked magic. And while it did make your life a pain sometimes, you never let it bother you. Not like how Idia let his negative qualities and anything he lacked burden him.

And it was a heavy burden. A heavy burden that Idia knew made him equally heavy and unpleasant to be around. Because Idia was no fool. He knew his presence, his friendship, and even his very existence was a weighty one. He could easily drag a person down to their doom with the curses that trailed after him, like an entourage that couldn’t and wouldn’t go unnoticed.

And all of those reasons, plus a myriad of others, were why your presence here, with him, right now ought to be strange. But it wasn’t. In fact, it was perfectly normal for you to hang out with him in the solace of his room. Sometimes gaming with him, and sometimes just doing your own thing in silent companionship.

The selfish part of him clung to both you and your presence even as he continued to face his game in silence. 

Were he just a bit bolder, it would be easy to imagine himself turning to face you and wrapping his arms around your neck, with his fingers curling around your temple as if they could crown you as he cradled you to him.

But what could he ever crown you with other than the knowledge that you deserved far better?

It was his way of betraying you, and he knew that. His betrayal was one of the reasons he never tried to cross the dotted line that strained to keep you and him from growing any closer. Similarly, it was the reason the silence remained between the two of you as Idia pondered all of the oddities that were your relationship with him.

Because you supported him. Embracing him in your arms like he was weightless, rather than the way he knew he had to be a chain tangling itself around your ankles, threatening to trip you up and drag you down.

But you didn’t let him sink, and you didn't get pulled down by him. 

It was like you were a hero in some tropey anime. Willing to plunge into the very deepest of sorrows and pull him out. Never fearing the chances of drowning in the deep darkness of his curses, but also not shunning the light that revealed all. Good and bad.

Or if you did fear it, you didn’t let that fear hold you back. And perhaps that thought was even more alarming. Because that meant you cared about him enough to not let fear hold you back.

Either way, you seemed to just accept both his good and bad traits. Taking it all on with a smile not unlike the one you’d worn when you’d first forced your way into his life.

You’d shrugged off his moody words and met his gaze with your smiling one, “Nobody’s perfect, and it’s not like you’re the only guy at NRC who has overblotted or has caused me problems.”

You were definitely still a strange one, but Idia could no longer view that strangeness as bad. How could he when you could somehow look at the chains that surrounded him, binding him to his curses and doing their best to condemn him and those he chose to tie himself to, and smile in the face of it all? 

But as frustrating as your strange but oddly charming weirdness was, it made him want to do better.

To support you just like how you supported him. To let you know that even in this world that was not your own, you weren’t alone.

If you could willingly walk into that never-ending light that constantly showed his every weakness to the entire, unforgiving, and uncaring world, then he would hide you in the darkness and carry you when it hurt too much.

Because he knew it hurt, even if you hid it well with that smile that only seemed to truly fail you when you were facing an overblot or when the mention of your home came up.

Even if you were strong enough to carry him and all his curses, Idia knew it hurt and that the nights were long for you. 

In fact, it was obvious to him.

Because that weight you carried was why, even after having made friends and forged yourself a family, you still sought your own world. And he recognized that weight’s presence. How could he not when he was all too familiar with carrying a burden all his own?

But you would never be too heavy for him. Not when he was used to carrying the weight of his own curses.

He could carry you, and you would never drag him down. In fact, he doubted your feet would ever even touch the ground. Because, just like how the weight of you leaning against him was more of a comfort than a burden, he knew that, if it was you, he could carry any weight.

[bunnidid-reviews]

Mini DID book review: One Of Us Knows: a thriller

Author: Alyssa Cole

Publication date: 2024

Diagnosis of DID? Yes, the system has known for a while

Fiction of nonfiction: fiction

Is the person with DID portrayed as evil? Complicated but ultimately no; its one of the major plot points

Major trigger warnings:

death (fighting, blood, some gore but its not described much)

implied sexual assault (nothing described)

Self harm

Misogyny(major plot point)

Abelism

Racism (major plot point also)

Stalking

Kidnapping/mishandled foster care

Dormancy of parts (major plot point)

Parts being kidnapped/speculated to be killed off (major plot point)

Rituals taking place (not religious but has to do with everything on this list)

Covid being a thing(major plot point in the first part, lots of anxiety about covid)

Ratings to how I feel personally

Triggering(0 is nothing at all, 10 is could not handle reading this): 4-5 (not a gentle book but not gratuitous

System dynamics(0 is this is bizarrely off, 10 is holy shit this is a book about me): 7-8 (the conflict between parts is very well written, and so is the understanding of how deep the relationships go)

Switching(0 is doesnt work like this, 10 is this is a book about me): 4? (Nearly all of the switches are blackouts)

System communication(0 is never experienced this, 10 is this is a book about me): 8-9 (we talk to eachother like this a lot)

Inner world dynamics(0 is never experienced this, 10 is this is a book about me): 7 (theres a lot of the inner world, like half the chapters happen inside! However the physics of it were a little too realistic at times to what could happen with me, like i dont have to walk or run to get places personally)

Comorbidity with other disorders(mental or physical)(0 is there are none, 10 is i experience all of this): 5 (there is no physical ailments that come with having DID in this book, which isnt a necessity but many people who do have it also have disabilities so it feels bizzare when there are none. Theres anxiety, depression and faint mentions of disordered eating in this book)

Brief thoughts on this book:

The BadDay system(first book ive read where the system has a system name) has been well-established for many years by now, knowing about their DID, communicating with their others for some time.

The host turned persecutor has been dormant for 6 years now, missing out on covid, while the rest of the system had been active online and functioning in lockdown. Now Ken(the persecutor) is back, with the mysterious disapearence of the previous host and caretaker, Della. All eyes are on Ken wondering what the fuck happened and nobody knows how they landed a job as a caretaker of a mysterious castle on an island, that just happens to be the exact same castle from their inner world.

Mystery and thrilling things ensue as Ken goes through the motions of coming out of dormancy and no parts wanting them there, a blossoming romance with an outsider and a complicated romance on the inside too, all tied together neatly with the strange happenings on the island and the trust that owns it.

I don’t really know how to review for a thriller book, because I don’t tend to read thrillers. But the mysteries were mysterious to even me, who can see where plots are going with DID books typically. And the thrills were thrilling. I couldn’t put the book down, I kept wanting to sink in more and more

I was exceptionally pleased that the author didn’t play safe with the DID as some authors tend to when they’re writing something with modern understanding. There wasnt so much shameful secrecy around the disorder, and the questions and impacts were hard-hitting as she delved into things that I’d be worried about posting about myself. Like the dormancies impacting other parts, parts not wanting the host around. Romance and sexuality between parts. The unsavory and the honest, but also the depth of how much each of them mattered in the system and how much they cared for eachother. It was really satisfying to read! The inclusion of how social media effects people with DID nowadays was really nice to include too, and again, I haven’t yet seen any other media to employ the use of system names like how many do in social media now.

I also really really love that the story was just as much the inner world as it was the outer, as most books have the happenings between parts more hidden.. Having the two stories run side by side makes it feel like this characters life is their DID, as it often is for many of us. Idk I’m jazzed about this, this is what I wanted with DID in media. The DID actually mattering as more than a plot device

The only thing I can really fault it on is the constant blackout with switches. But to be fair, this is implied not to be their normal, and ethe events of this book are extremely high-stress situations, so I appreciate that the weight of that is stressed rather than it being another case of an author just not having personal experience enough to know. (She doesnt have the experience to know, but this was a neat way to bridge the gap)

Overall a great book. Not a fluffy one, and since the main plot revolves around the potential of the main character being the DID Killer, inside and out. So please tread carefully if the questioning of such things is hard for you. And also a thriller, so there are thriller things like violence and tension and things outside of a normal slice of life

Would I recommend someone with DID read this? YES! I do feel like this was written with a lot of care for people with DID

[bijoumikhawal]

The Beetle and the Moon

(originally written and posted in 2022, posting it again here for fun)

My Dear Mr. Garak,

My prose is better than my poetry as you know, so while it would be fitting for me to write you poetry I am ashamed to say you must settle for prose.

It's strange that when I think about kissing you, I wonder if you would taste like the wind coming across the water in Alexandria, because I have been to the ocean many times and I have only been to Alexandria once. I was born and spent years of my life on an island, but I don't think of there when I think of you. I don't know if it's because apart of me thinks of England as home and Alexandria as a foreign place despite it being on earth, and associates the things that I am unfamiliar with that I wish were familiar together, or if it is simply because England is cold and a minute there would be misery for you.

I cannot bear to speak of Egypt to you the way I do England. It is a shame- I have coaxed you into the arms of many English authors, but never an Egyptian one or a Sudanese one or even an Indian. All four are part of me, but I fear the flaying of your eyes and tongue for three quarters of myself, though they are messy quarters and I am tripping all the time over where one starts and another begins. There are sores my family never let heal and now I have them, and I don't know what to do with them. It is considered deeply rude to speak of such things, deeply strange. We are meant to be 'past' such fumbling, all wounds meant to be only vague memory.

You love me as a Cardassian and you seduce me with Cardassian words, and I wonder, because you hide things, if you are hiding the way I am hiding, but I know not to ask. I love you like an Englishman because I love you like a war waged in backrooms, and I love you like an Egyptian because I wage these battles with words, and supposedly all Egyptians are witty if you believe one of many books I cannot show you because of how it cuts me open, and something possesses me to only want to show my insides if they're pretty. I love you in a way that reminds me of Nadira in the theatrics we both do, and I love you with a stubbornness. I love you though it is impossible, I love you like the beetle loves the moon.

The fact that I met you here reminds me of Calcutta and it reminds me of Bombay and Varmul and it reminds of Alexandria and it reminds of London and it reminds me of Khartoum, because many people here are transients trading and traveling somewhere else, and I came here for my work, which is how my family ended up in all of those cities and left bits of itself in them and those cities left bits of themselves in my family in return. In the case of the very last it shares unfortunate foundations, overcome for hopeful futures.

Miles teases me that I do not know enough history and the truth is I know enough history. If you stuffed any more history inside me I'd burst at the seams. Now perhaps you glimpse the truth behind "Bashir of Earth"- not, as you suggested to me once, Federation propaganda, but the simplest way to sum up 500 years of history in three words. Give or take a century, an eon, a lifetime.

I love you, and for a long time I felt those words either spoken or unspoken would be followed by an apology, but I do not apologize for that.

As I am writing this, I am receiving the news that the resistance has been routed and executions of those that survived the raid and their families have begun. I will most certainly do something stupid soon, likely many somethings, that would make you roll your eyes if you were here, but you are not here. So I am not sorry that I love you. I am perhaps sorry that we were born now, or sorry that I am not with you and Kira and Odo. I am sorry that color has leeched out of us these past two years. I am sorry I never kissed you and sorry I know why I didn't and sorry that the reason why you didn't and the reason why I didn't overlap, and I am sorry that I understand it is a good reason and even sorrier that I no longer care. I am sorry that I want to bring down with me knowing how far down you have fallen and sorry that there is farther still for both of us to fall, and I am sorry that while we are falling we are not by each other to share a bit of warmth and talk. Worst of all I am sorry that I cannot think of something I would do differently and be satisfied with it, because even the thing I keep turning over and over in my mind of my lips on yours and your breath in my mouth, as previously discussed, was avoided for a reason. I am sorry if you have died and I will carry it like a stone in my shoe for the rest of my life and right now I feel like I am walking on knives (I would have given you that story but it felt callous). I am sorry if you are alive because I know you love your people and I who is not one of them feels as though I cannot breathe from the weight of death and the killing is not even over yet, and though your death would break part of me I have managed to keep out of the reoccurring earthquakes in my life I would like to spare you pain. One of the hardest things for me as a doctor has been learning that some pain must be felt, that it is how the body tells you to start the process of repair, and I think that perhaps sounds callous but I haven't the strength to delete it.

If you are alive, of course I would like to kiss you and further I would like to spend the first night where we are in the same place after this with my head pressed to your chest and listening to your heart and lungs. I promise you I am not heavy. I could lay my head on your chest every night until there is no more head and no more chest and I would never be heavy.

That might not make any sense. I've rather a lot to drink and haven't eaten much the past few days out of anxiety.

I am sorry that you bared yourself before me, willingly and unwillingly, and I never had the decency to return the favor. Is a letter a facsimile of exposure? It certainly feels easier to write this than the thought of ever saying any of this, or any of my other insides, felt.

Why do Cardassians associate the liver with emotions the way so many humans do for the heart? Is the idea of filtration so romantic? Or is it the damage, the sacrifice that comes in the pursuit of keeping another healthy when they want to destroy themselves? Live so you can call my suppositions close minded. Live so I can, without a modesty screen, show you my insides without caring if they're pretty or intelligent or fascinating. Live so someone can forgive me after what I am about to do. Forgive me, if you must, for the fact that I am sending this now and refusing to wait for sobriety.

Yours,

Julian S. Bashir

[greco-roman-polytheism]

Problematic and Bigoted Pagan Authors (and how to avoid them)

After what was pretty much a mess in a discord server I'm in over an author posting artwork containing Nazi symbols, I decided to make a post letting everyone know about certain authors and what to look out for. I will keep updating this list as I discover things!

Big thanks to @dvudushnydiaries for letting me know ab some Slavic Polytheist authors, as well as my friend Agnes for letting me know about some Irish Polytheist Authors too! <3

If you have any suggestions to add to this list, please let me know!!!

🛑 = Avoid as much as possible

⚠️ = Be very cautious around this author

Generally, here is some red flags to look out for:

Use of symbols associated with hate groups

Claims an (open culture) is closed via ethnicity, especially if these cultures or religions historically shared with other cultures.

Claims there is a "true" or "pure" version of a certain open religion.

Use of dogwhistles.

Writes historical inaccuracies, misinformation, appropriation, making up things and presenting them as fact, etc.

Refusal to take accountability for actions.

Any form of bigotry or discrimination

The list is under the cut!

Hellenic Polytheist Authors

🛑 Timothy Jay Alexander

creator of the "Pillars of Hellenismos", which have little historical basis.

Made homophobic and ableist remarks in a blog post, essentially saying that because ancient Greece did not allow same-sex marriage, that modern Hellenic Polytheists shouldn't too. In this same post he said that marriage should be for making a family, and that since LGBTQ+ people, as well as people with "physical deformities" either can not or should not have children, they cannot marry according to him.

The same ableist remarks listed above were used as reasoning as to why a disabled person shouldn't become a priest or priestess or any higher up positions due to not being in good health. This also reminds me of eugenics.

In that same blog post, referenced a group called YSEE, which is notorious for being homophobic, xenophobic, displaying nationalism among other things better explained in this post by @hellenic-reconstructionism

Books include: A Beginner’s Guide to Hellenismos - Hellenismos Today - The Gods of Reason: An Authentic Theology for Modern Hellenismos

🛑 Galina Krasskova

Numerous things have happened with this author, some of the most notable being selling "Bacchic Lives Matter" pins on Etsy during the 2020 Black Lives Matter movement protests, as well as defending a neo-nazi and fascist group, AFA, on a blog post

Some of her Hellenic Polytheist books include: Honoring the Mothers: Novenas to the Mothers of Our Gods and Heroes - Combatting the Evil Eye - Unto Herself: A Devotional Anthology for Independent Goddesses - Out of Arcadia: A Devotional Anthology in Honor of Pan - Guardian of the Road: A Devotional Anthology in Honor of Hermes

See Norse Polytheist section for her books on that.

🛑 Edward P. Butler

Supports Hindutva, which is Hindu fascism, antisemitic, as well as defends and supports Galina Krasskova.

Books include: Essays on a Polytheistic Philosophy of Religion - Essays on Hellenic Theology.

🛑 H. Jeremiah Lewis / Sannion

Neo-nazi, having nazi symbols on his blog. Also transphobic, islamophobic, and everything under the sun, really.

Books include: Ecstatic: For Dionysos - End to End - Everything Dances: Strange Spirits 3 - Gods and Mortals: New Stories of Hellenic Polytheism

Norse Polytheist Authors

🛑 Galina Krasskova

See Hellenic Polytheist section for details.

Her Norse Polytheist books include: Living Runes; Theory and Practice of Norse Divination - Northern Tradition for the Solitary Practitioner - Neolithic Shamanism; Spirit Work in the Norse Tradition

Irish Polytheist Authors

⚠️ Lora O'Brien

Has a cultish following, thier followers and even themselves bullying and publicly shaming other Irish Polytheists. Often acts negatively towards the Irish diaspora. Has taught Irish Catholic practices, which are closed.

Runs the Irish Pagan School, which has similar rhetoric.

Books include: Irish Witchcraft from an Irish Witch - A Practical Guide to Pagan Priesthood

Slavic Polytheist Authors

🛑 Patricia Woodruff

Has a cultish following, often writes wildly inaccurate information. In a recent book she had completely made up a deity whose name means "swastika". Rated her own books on Goodreads, and publicly responded to any reviews criticizing her books.

Books include: Woodruff's Guide to Slavic Deities - Roots of Slavic Magic Book 1: Slavic Deities & Their Worship

🛑 Madame Pamita

Recently had a (now-deleted) post with an artwork containing various Nazi symbols, and deleted any criticism and seemingly refused to take any accountability. In DM's had repeatedly alluded to if you didn't follow her you "didn't know anything about Slavic Polytheism". Said to be friends with Patricia Woodruff

Books include: The Book of Candle Magic, Baba Yaga's Book of Witchcraft

🛑 Dmitriy Kushnir

Writes about Rodnovery, which many Rodnovery groups in the US and other countries often have ethnonationalist and right-wing connotations and ideology.

Books include: Rodnover

⚠️ Natasha Helvin

Misconstrues Slavic culture to be Wiccan

Says witchcraft are the "universal laws of nature" and that subjects of karma and divine judgement are solely monotheistic.

Claims to be an initiated Haitian Vodou priestess, which is doubtful.

Kemetic Polytheist Authors

⚠️ E. A Wallis Budge

Inaccurate translations of texts

Books include: The Egyptian Book of the Dead (Translation)

[physalian]

Guys I have had an epiphany about ACOTAR’s Popularity

The whole thing is about how amazing and fun romantacy books like ACOTAR specifcally and... lord, do we see the romances portrayed by SJM differently.

"We want dragons, rose gardens, and strong characters who are absolutely getting laid but whose relationships with men don't define them."

"She also does the smutty bits with precision and flaire. And most significantly, in a way that women can get behind."

"The ACOTAR series goes to great lengths to demonstrate that the heroine is safe and comfortable, even spelling out how she isn't being financially coerced."

I'm not even mad. The divide between how this person and me, as both "the girls" that I'm apparently included in, is just so astronomically wide that getting mad won't fix anything.

But. This is what you call 'safe' and 'comfortable'? This is what you call smut with precision and flair? Outing myself here but I have read so much more smutty fanfic of higher quality than anything by SJM. But, it's still "fanfic" and thus cringey and uncool.

But I have had an epiphany.

Originally this post was a lot different. I was sitting here in reaction to the above article writing a treatise imploring the desperate defenders of this author and her books to be able to admit that what they like is not well-written and not objectively romantic, and to not flinch from its imperfections. I was trying to explain the distortion books this popular cause, as happened when the popularity Hunger Games launched a whole sub-genre of teen dystopia that was absolutely everywhere for a few years.

However, this lady’s opinion piece about ACOTAR has done more to explain how the fuck these books are so popular more than any nasty rant I’ve received anonymously in my inbox. Either way y’all need to chill with the harassment, but I understand, now.

ACOTAR’s popularity runs along conservative-liberal lines. It’s only romantic escapist fantasy if you’ve grown up being told that aggressive, controlling, disrespectful men are being romantic. I can’t implore these fans to stop romanticizing the red flags if they don’t see the red flags in the first place.

And in that way, as sick as I am of this book constantly being shoved in my face, as badly as I want a new, better author to boot SJM off the podium, as nasty as y’all can be desperately defending these books… I’m not mad at you, I feel bad for you.

—

I get the desire to turn your brain off and read the shitty fairy smut. I burned through every book in TOG in about six days—not because I liked it, mind you, morbid curiosity had me determined to know how it would end and if she’d fulfil her threat of killing a major character to satisfy a prophecy.

I understand now that much of the audience for this series has been trapped in a conservative closet shaming women for their libidos and ACOTAR is a book that is loudly and proudly and very popularly, very smutty and a safe space for these women to express themselves and that yes they do like smut and romance without shame and that they are sexual beings that don’t merely exist as an accessory to men (which is horribly ironic given the treatment of women by men in these books but I digress).

Because you have to grow up and be surrounded by glorified men like Rhysand, in a culture that tells you over and over again that he is romantic, to see what he does and think that it’s the height of romance. That’s probably why the cognitive dissonance is so strong and why the defenders of this series dig their heels in so deeply and lash out so aggressively. To admit that Rhysand is abusive is to turn the spotlight on all the real men who must also be abusive. This is supposed to be escapist fantasy, after all, and we don’t want to think about that.

The idea of a strange, supernatural force of hot man meat to whisk you away from your boring, grey reality, who takes control and is vibrantly passionate and knows what he’s doing in bed is absolutely escapist fantasy… if you’re trapped in the role of the demure, docile, disrespected housewife with a deadbeat husband who maybe lasts five seconds. Or at least, that’s the vibe I got from the writer of this article, who decided herself to speak for all “the girls”.

This is a series that appeals to all the women who were little girls told by adults “he’s hitting you on the playground because he likes you” and “you should just give him a chance” but never woke up to how insidious that is.

The article is absolutely an opinion piece and it was the article’s author first who said that these books are “more fun than therapy" and it is so, so tempting to drag that elephant into the room because what aren’t you going to therapy for but instead treating with this book, ma’am? but that line alone is telling enough of this author's enduring popularity. I've been harassed enough by people on here screaming about how romantic SA is and if I was a survivor, I'd think so too.

So many of these Booktok fans are like rebelling tweens who think it’s edgy to wear black lipstick with their Abercrombie shirts and Converse. It would be funny seeing the bar they set for quality fiction and romance if I wasn't already absolutely exhausted by this series and how absolutely nasty its defenders can be. It wouldn't even be funny, it would be a little endearing, actually, seeing a whole contingent of women with no idea how far smut can go thinking ACOTAR is the pinnacle of fiction, but gosh darn it, it just had to be rapey as hell.

Ironically, you’re not fighting “the man” as much as you think you are when you look at Rhys and then go looking for real men just like him. You’re doing all the men like Rhys who will happily stalk you, manipulate you, hurt you, and disrespect you, a favor by praising them all over Booktok.

What I’d like ACOTAR fans to understand is that there exists a vast realm of possibility where you can have quality writing, sexy smut, and an edgy bad boy who respects his love interest. One need not be sacrificed for the others.

ACOTAR and its popularity are the product of a generation who grew up on Twilight and completely lost the meaning of what a Bad Boy is supposed to be. ACOTAR and TOG are Twilight, except that this version of Bella is slightly more competent. The love interests are just Edward and Jacob reskinned, over and over and over again. And it actually makes me miss Twilight.

And what I’d also like you to understand is that the people like me who hate these books and everything they represent don’t hate you for reading them. I can’t stop anyone from reading this, in my opinion, terrible series. But there’s a whole world out there of fictional men who actually respect their love interests. So if you’re going to rebel and loudly embrace your femininity, don’t stop with ACOTAR. Go find books with actual strong female protagonists. Fuck, go watch Wicked and come back and tell me if Elphaba would ever put up with any man from an SJM book.

So, please, the next time someone tells you that Rhysand is an abusive asshole, and it makes you uncomfortable, maybe stop and think about why.

And if the writer of that article doesn’t speak for you as one of “the girls” forgive me if I came across as condescending. I was also told “he’s mean to you because he likes you” and I woke up.

[swiftsaltsweet]

Two Knives Interlude 3: Rangi- Damn It All!

Characters: Rangi and Kyoshi (RoK characters tbh)

Pairing: Rangshi

Rating: E (rating changed from M to E, see author notes)

Summary:

Things have been stressful for Kyoshi. First, she sang a poem and now the whole kitchen staff thinks it’s about Rangi, and is sure that there will be gossip. Then, Yun asks her to join him for the Fifth Nation treaty signing. Now Rangi’s acting strange. It’s becoming a bit much for Kyoshi’s small corner of the world.

(Canon Divergent AU- Kelsang wasn’t the one who heard the poem?….aka What if it took longer for them to realize Kyoshi was the Avatar?)

Other Sites: AO3 

A/N: First, thank you all who have stayed with this for song long, even after this impromptu hiatus. And Happy New Year! (a week late but still)

I’m so sorry for taking so long to post this chapter. TT0TT This specific chapter has been done for AGES, but the next three…..those next damn three chapters. TT0TT Blame them. Had to finish them so I could move on to Arc 2. *sob* And I wanted to make sure they were satisfactory before I posted them.

Um spoiler (not really) y’all are getting that smut scene…..if you want incentive to keep reading TT0TT just gotta…..get to that point in Rangi’s side now….. And um…..we’re just gonna change it to E rating. u_u (I’ll post in the tags which chapters, assuming I decide to write more smut in this).

If you don't read The Hunt for Kyoshi (one of my other fanfics), I mentioned in a new chapter that I am going to release a chapter a week. Randomly for different fics (wasn't gonna post any new ones and then...well...forgot there was one I wanted to start posting so :'D Hope you want a Kyoshi prequel cause that's what next week!).

Good news for people who like this one the most, Two Knives has the most completed chapters! So you most likely will see an update to this one. I've yet to technically start Arc 2 of Two Knives as of posting this tho (I did write a chapter that's a few chapters into it....I had a mighty need ok? TT0TT)

Fun fact, I talk on my tumblr (swiftsaltsweet) every so often about the fics (cause that’s dedicated pretty much to fics). So you can see me crying about aspects of my fics or how my progress is looking. (I’m usually babbling about this fic for some reason)

____

“Are you going to attend the Beifong party?” Rangi asked Kyoshi. They were lounging in the brush behind the mansion. Kyoshi, now fully recovered, was on break, and they were sharing onigiri that she made for lunch. Rangi chose to eat slower than she normally did, she wanted to enjoy Kyoshi’s cooking. 

Rangi had a feeling Kyoshi would say ‘no’ but wanted to try anyway, just in case. 

Kyoshi looked at her like she’d grown a second head. “No? Why would I be invited?”

Rangi brow furrowed just a tad. Because you’re a hero…

She was annoyed that Jianzhu and the other’s weren’t giving Kyoshi her due. They were too busy fawning over Yun, which was understandable, he was the Avatar , but… still . 

Rangi scoffed. “I mean, you were technically the one who took out Tagaka. You should be there.”

Kyoshi thought her words over while she ate a bit of her lunch. “Do you want me to go?”

More than you could ever realize. Rangi mirrored Kyoshi’s action. “Yes.”

“I don’t have an outfit.”

“We’ll get you one.” It was shameful for Rangi to admit it, but she’d already had a list of dresses she was ready to pay for if Kyoshi ever asked. Other than Kyoshi getting her due, seeing the girl in a dress was another reason Rangi really wanted her to go.

“Am I even allowed to go?”

“I’ll convince them.” She hadn’t broken any chairs or tables since she’d come to Yokoya. She prided herself on having not thrown a childish tantrum in two years, but if she must resort to such tactics to get her way. Then she must . 

Sorry, mother. But not really. She thought, smiling wryly to herself. 

Kyoshi picked at the grass in front of her, thinking hard. “I need to take care of Kelsang.”

Rangi nodded to herself. Yes, this was the main reason why she thought Kyoshi would say ‘no.’ She’d accepted it. Well, at least she tried. 

She played up her sigh, to show her disappointment. “Then that’s what you should do.”

Kyoshi snorted. “So now you don’t want me to go?”

Rangi let her wry smile play a bit broader on her lips.  “I never said that. I do want you to be there. Revel in the victory…. But Master Kelsang needs you, I won’t keep you from that.”

Rangi kept looking off in the distance, the distance being a large wall that encased the entire estate, but the distance nonetheless. Maybe next time…. HuH?!

Rangi almost jumped when she felt a weight gently lean on her shoulder, but she held her ground. Kyoshi had decided she should rest her head on Rangi’s shoulder. 

Rangi reveled in how Kyoshi’s brown hair touched her cheek. It would've been a transgression if Kyoshi was a Fire National. Thankfully, that wasn't the case. It allowed Rangi to enjoy the sinful touch.

“Thank you,” she sighed. Rangi could only hum in response. She didn’t trust her voice at the moment.

They stayed in that position, that bliss, while they ate. It only came to an end when the gong for lunch had rung out. The two sighed, not wanting to part from each other’s touch.

Rangi dusted off her trousers, and started making her way back to the barracks when Kyoshi called out to her.

“Rangi, wait!” Kyoshi yelled, crossing the distance in only a few strides. Her hand went towards Rangi’s face again, unknowingly almost giving her a heart attack.

She felt Kyoshi’s fingers pluck something gently from the corner of her mouth. 

“There you go. You’re all good now!” Kyoshi grinned like mad, proud of herself.

Rangi stared up at Kyoshi, trying to keep herself grounded as much as she could. How was it possible for someone to have such power over her? Make her come undone in a single second? 

She wondered if she should give Kyoshi a briefing on Fire Nation customs….but decided against it. She loved the unabashed display too much.

Rangi’s eyes trailed to the single grain of rice that Kyoshi held in her fingers. How could such a small thing be her undoing? 

New resolve seeped into Rangi’s being as she gazed at the grain. She was going to make Kyoshi feel what she felt. She wasn’t holding back anymore.

Rangi gently took Kyoshi's hand, and dipped her head down. She gently ate the grain from between Kyoshi’s fingers. Slowly and with intent, making sure her lips grazed as much of Kyoshi’s flesh as she could. 

As she pulled away, she felt a sense of satisfaction thrum through her as Kyoshi’s thumb made a move to chase after her lip and caressed it, wanting to keep the contact going like she did.

“Thanks,” she rasped out, making her voice lower than usual. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and looked up with half lidded eyes. Then she smiled coquettishly at Kyoshi, enjoying how Kyoshi had formed a strong blush and how it deepened the color of her pretty freckles. “I don’t like wasting food.”

Rangi turned on her heel and made her way to the barracks, making sure she had an extra sway in her hips as she left and rounded the corner. As she did, she stole one last glance back at Kyoshi, and felt pleased with her new change in tactic. 

-------

Rangi didn’t want to be at this party. She just hated parties in general, found the whole idea frivolous. But after meeting Kyoshi two years ago, it became more unbearable. It’d be one thing if she could spend the party with Kyoshi, but they were always so close but too far at times like these.

And now? The new developments in her relationship with Kyoshi? Well this part had taken on a a new form of torture. She just wanted to be near her girl in an entirely new way now.

Sometimes, it really sucked being the Avatar’s bodyguard.

The entire time she stood by Yun as he talked to various politicians. Jianzhu and Hei-Ran stayed close by and even interjected at times. Hei-Ran moreso when the men would ask either her mother or Rangi herself about marriage. Because of those three, Rangi didn’t need to talk.

They talked about political arrangements in the Earth Kingdom, Avatar affairs, and the battle. Which was more of a disaster than Jianzhu, Yun, or Hei-Ran let on to onlookers, but that wasn’t Rangi’s concern. 

The only thing that irked Rangi, that threatened to make her talk, was when someone described Yun as the one who personally took out Tagaka . It took all her effort to not boast about Kyoshi’s prowess, because in doing so she’d undermine the Avatar.

Yun, however, surprised her, and gave Kyoshi credit. Jianzhu, however , decided to undermine said credit by stating that Tagaka’s real power came from the fleet of ships. Which he and Yun had destroyed. Thanks to Yun’s masterful display of raising earth from the sea floor.

Rangi rolled her tongue in her mouth. She wouldn’t speak. She wouldn’t talk back. She wouldn’t go home and break a chair. She would meditate. Or find Kyoshi. 

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Yes. Kyoshi. Even just the thought of her relaxed Rangi. She would go home, and find a way to entangle their time together. Without being too much of a bother to the maid. 

Maybe she would even show off the dress she was wearing. She wondered what Kyoshi's reaction to it would be.

But first, she needed to get away from some very persistent man who kept trying to get her attention. He didn’t even flinch when Hei-Ran’s demeanor changed from politely annoyed, to dragon mother when his intentions to bother her daughter were made clear.

Rangi excused herself to the drink table, allowing the adults to sort the issue out.

She grabbed a glass of wine, and went outside to the garden for a breath of fresh air. It smelled like mossy dew, another earthy Kyoshi type smell. The one she’d get when she’d tend to the gardens sometimes.

Rangi had only taken a single sip of her drink, when a figure saddled up beside her. She was contemplating roundhouse kicking them, risking dropping wine on her dress, when she realized it was actually Yun.

“You shouldn’t sneak up on me,” Rangi said coyly, putting the glass to her lips again. “I could’ve killed you.”

Yun grinned and laughed. “Ooooo scary !” He shook his hands out in front of him in mock terror.

“ Your funeral,” Rangi smirked into her drink. 

“Ah, well, then I guess the world will get a Fire Avatar sooner!” he laughed.

Rangi frowned, she didn’t like that for a number of reasons. Mostly because it’d be a very bad look for not only her, but the Fire Nation as well.

Yun bumped her shoulder, visibly happy he didn’t have to worry about voiding her spiked armor at the moment. “Oh, c’mon you! I was just joking .”

“Yeah, yeah,” she waved him off.

Yun sighed after a moment of silence. “I wish Kyoshi was here.”

Rangi hummed in agreement. 

“You didn’t ask her to come?”

Rangi finished her glass. “I did.”

“You didn’t try to force her to come?”

“No,” Rangi said. “She needed to take care of Master Kelsang.”

“Ah,” Yun nodded. He understood, Master Kelsang was like a father to Kyoshi. It wouldn’t have been right to rip them away from each other.

Yun reached down and picked up a rock from the garden, and rolled it in his hand. Inspecting it. Rangi wondered if it was an earthbender thing. She’d have to ask Kyoshi. Though she wondered how much the girl could or would tell her. She’d never seen the girl bend even a pebble, despite being listed as an earthbender in the staff's ledger.

“It’s a shame,” he said, rolling the rock expertly between his fingers. “I was going to ask her to be mine at the party tonight.”

Rangi’s glass slipped out of her hands and shattered on the deck below. What did he just say?

Yun sucked air through his teeth. “Rangi! Be careful , you could’ve hurt yoursel–oh, too late. You're already bleeding.”

Rangi barely registered the pain, the nick from the glass hitting her….shin? Foot? She didn’t care. What did he just say ?!

“What….did you say?” Rangi’s voice came out as a strangled rasp.

Yun whirled his hands in the air, and the glass formed into a neat ball above his hands. Then he made a crushing motion, and the glass grounded back down into fine sand. Then he let it fly onto the ground of the garden.

“I said, I was going to ask her to be mine.”

He was looking at her, but Rangi couldn’t move. Her eyes were transfixed over the flowers and pond that was in the Beifong garden.

“What about Master Jianzhu?” 

The entire reason on Yun’s side, from what she could sparse together; for why Kyoshi and him hadn’t gotten together officially, was because Master Jianzhu had forbidden it. Partially because Kyoshi was a servant. Partially because he didn’t want Yun to follow the same escapades as Avatar Kuruk. 

Yun never went against Jianzhu, not when he laid down the law like he’d done with dating. So why now ?

When Yun spoke again, it was a hushed whisper. “It doesn’t matter what he thinks. I’m the Avatar. He shouldn’t get a say in what I want .”

A wave of disgust ran over Rangi as she heard his words. What he wants? What about what Kyoshi wants? Then a new wave hit her. Am I the same as him? Is this how I sound when I think about her too?

“Why the change?” she forced a gulp down. “It’s just…so sudden.”

“ Perspective ,” he said. “What happened at the iceberg, I realized… It can all end in an instant. I don’t want to live or die with regrets.”

Rangi changed a glance at Yun, he stared head on at her. No humor could be seen on his face. Something in his demeanor, something made it feel like they were two animals about to go at each other.

“Perspective?” she questioned.

“Perspective,” he clarified with a nod.

The poem. It wasn’t just the iceberg, Kyoshi’s poem had also influenced Yun as well. It had lit a metaphorical fire under both their asses.

Yun tapped his foot on the ground once. The motion was familiar.

Rangi’s eyes widened in realization, remembering the day she was willing to beg him to keep Kyoshi from going with them. No, not just that. Could it be… could he have seen that they were getting closer since the iceberg? How Rangi was becoming more bold, and Kyoshi was accepting each action? Was Rangi’s reckless behavior her own undoing?

Yun closed his eyes, and inhaled. Then he cocked his head to the side and gave Rangi a lopsided smile. The same one her mother said Avatar Kuruk had. 

It made her sick.

“So what are you going to do about it, Rangi?”

Rangi widened her eyes at him. “What?”

“Are you just going to stand there and let me take her?” Rangi's response was to stand stock still. She was still in shock. “Because when we get back to Yokoya, I’m going to carry out my plan. I’m not going to wait .”

“What if she says no?” Rangi asked hurriedly.

“She might,” Yun nodded. “But then again, I am the Avatar . Not many people want to say no to me.”

Rangi’s heart quickened. Was Kyoshi really so shallow she’d only be with Yun because of his status? No. No she wasn’t. Either Yun didn’t understand Kyoshi as well as he thought…..or this was a different kind of threat. Rangi could only hope it was the former.

Rangi turned to him, shoulders square now. “What if, what if she says no because she’s with me?”

Yun cracked his neck side to side. “Then I guess it’s my loss?” He stared Rangi down. “Or, I’ll steal her. Guess we’ll see.”

He smiled at her one last time, and clapped a hand on her shoulder. “Ah, too bad we’re stuck here for a few more days. Apparently it’s supposed to storm.”

He released his hand off her shoulder, and walked off. Leaving Rangi to pick up the pieces of her falling world.

No. No no no no! She’d just gotten a light of hope that Kyoshi might like her back! The world couldn’t do this to her! Not now…. Especially when she almost lost her once already!

Rangi stumbled to a nearby wall, her head in her hand, and started hyperventilating. 

She was happy to be by Kyoshi’s side but… not if Yun took Kyoshi from Rangi. She wouldn’t be able to withstand it. 

All that grandstanding of just wanting to be by Kyoshi’s side. Saying she didn’t need anything from Kyoshi. It wasn’t the full truth. Only a part of her thought that. 

Rangi wasn’t a wholly selfless person, she was also selfish. She wanted Kyoshi, all of her. She didn’t want to share with anyone. She wanted Kyoshi to only look at her. 

If she didn’t then….then she…. She was sure she wouldn’t be able to handle the heartbreak.

Rangi pulled away from the wall, taking big gulps of air. She knew what she had to do. And she realized she may have to burn some bridges just to do it.

Rangi needed to find her mother.

_______

Rangi bobbed and weaved through the bodies in the party, looking for a familiar face. She found her mother, leaning against the wall, attempting to ignore more nobles asking for her hand. 

Rangi ran right up to her, not caring about who she might’ve snubbed.

“Mother!” Rangi said.

Hei-Ran looked up from the floor she had been preoccupied with staring at, and her eyes widened. She shoved her wineglass into some noble’s hands and walked over to meet her daughter. “Rangi, what on earth–”

“I need to talk to you, now !” Rangi said in a rushed whisper.

Hei-Ran nodded, and the two Fire Nationals hurried to a private room. As soon as the last one entered through the door, Hei-Ran turned and shut it tight. Then whirled over to her daughter.

“Rangi, what is going on? Did something happen?” The sternness of her voice belied the softness that was resting just underneath. 

“Mother, I need you to watch Yun for me,” she pleaded with urgency.

Hei-Ran visibly relaxed. “Is that all?” She let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. “If that was it, there was no need for the theatrics. Yes, I can do that. For how long–”

“Until you go back to Yokoya.”

Hei-Ran stiffened. Rangi knew the older woman probably only assumed she’d take on the role for maybe a few hours at most. Not days . She was basically asking to abandon her duties, and at a public event no less. 

Hei-Ran finally looked up at her daughter. Stern wariness in her eyes. “Do you understand what that means ?”

Yes, her reputation would take a hit. The Masters at the mansion would look down on her even more. It’d be harder to rise up the ranks with this kind of mark on her record. But Rangi didn’t care, there was something more precious at stake.

“Yes,” she responded with hardened resolve.

“And you’re willing to take that risk and responsibility?”

“Absolutely.”

“Can you at least tell me why ?”

No she couldn’t. Not the whole truth at least. “There’s something I must attend to back at the mansion, it cannot wait any longer.”

Hei-Ran looked away, her face wavering with different emotions. Finally it steeled, in the same fashion she would use to scold the children at the academy. Panic shot through Rangi.

“Mother! I need to go back to the mansion, now , it’s an emergency!”

If Hei-Ran said ‘no,’ then….then…. Rangi would just run off! She was ready to disobey her own mother if she had to! She didn’t care. She needed to–

“Go,” Hei-Ran said, a look of stern fire in her eyes. 

“W–what?” Rangi looked at her in surprise. Her mother was allowing her to be dismissed from her duties? Why?  

“Why are you asking questions? Is it not important? Go! Now!” Hei-Ran waved Rangi off. “And take the ostrich horse with the blue reins, it’s the fastest. Go now and you might only have to endure the storm for half the journey!”

Relief swelled through Rangi, and before she ran off, she hugged her mother tightly. “Thank you…”

And then she bolted out the door to the stables.

______

Rangi stumbled through the mansion in the dead of night. Tired, drenched, caked with mud. She’d laugh at how Kyoshi would probably scold her tomorrow for making such a mess, but she was so raw from the ride over she couldn’t process any humor at the moment.

Yun’s words hung over her being like a sword ready to fall. There was no time for humor. There was almost no time at all. Rangi had to act . 

She reached Kyoshi’s door, and then looked at herself. She tried to smooth her hair, and readjust her waterlogged dress. But it was in no way presentable. She could only hope Kyoshi would take her as she was, mess and all.

She began rapping at the door, it took awhile before Kyoshi came and answered it. The taller girl was in her night clothes, her night robe barely on and hugging her body. Rangi had seen Kyoshi in a similar state a few weeks earlier, when she’d delivered the gloves she’d had custom ordered for Kyoshi. The sight made her breathless then, and it made her breathless now.

“Rangi?!” Kyoshi said aghast, a worried expression permanently set on her face. 

Rangi couldn’t hold back. She lunged at Kyoshi, tackled the taller girl through the door, burrowed her face into the girl’s chest, and wept.

Rangi could hear the sound of a door closing, and then Kyoshi’s warm and strong arm on her back. Rangi gasped as Kyoshi’s soft hand touched Rangi’s exposed back. It was like a balm to the raw wound of her nerves.

She felt Kyoshi guide her body, and she complied. 

“Rangi, what happened?! Is everything alright?” Kyoshi asked, and Rangi felt the feeling of cloth fall around her shoulders. Kyoshi had gotten her a towel. Thoughtful as always.

“No,” Rangi whispered through gaps in her cries. “I mean, yes. Everyone else is alright but… I’m not .”

She wouldn't be fine. Not until she made her feelings known…. Then the next hurdle would be if Kyoshi accepted them.

But it was so hard. Now that she was at that moment, she didn't know what to say. How to say it. She had so much time, the entire long ride over here. Hell, not even that, she’d had two years to mull over this. But she still couldn’t get her words formed, let alone out .

She felt Kyoshi wrapped her arms around her, trying to comfort her. It brought Rangi comfort…and worry. Stability, yet instability at the same time.

“Talk to me, what happened?” Kyoshi whispered in her ear. 

Rangi’s resolve started to come undone. What was there to say? “I wanted to beat Yun to a confession!” Yes, such a selfish declaration would surely win over Kyoshi's heart. 

“I know this is sudden and it's the middle of the night and I just barged my way into your room… But I'm in love with you and have been for the past two years! Take me!”

It was the truth, but it sounded pathetic. She wanted to confess to Kyoshi in the right way. But she'd run out of time and options. She didn't know what or how to do it. So she just sobbed into the other girl's chest.

Kyoshi hugged her harder, and Rangi gasped from both the comfort and closeness. If she wasn't such a mess she would be enjoying this so much. 

“Are you hurt?”

No, not in the physical sense. Save for a shallow cut she may need to treat. 

“No,” Rangi forced out. She realized her behavior was worrying her friend. 

She felt Kyoshi's shoulders untense, but not by much. “Then, what’s the matter?”

That I love you and you don't know it.

“Oh, Kyoshi …” Rangi lifted her head from Kyoshi’s chest, to nuzzle into the crook of Kyoshi’s neck. 

She felt Kyoshi react to her touch. Her shaking, her pulse quickening, her breathing becoming more ragged. 

Like flame to coal, it reignited Rangi's resolve in an instant.

“ Please… ” she begged. To Kyoshi. To herself. To the spirits. Whatever gave her the strength to do what was next.

Kyoshi gulped.“W–what do you need me to do?” she stuttered.

And like that, her spark caught like a wildfire. There was no going back. 

Damn it… Just… Damn it all!

“I can’t do this anymore,” Rangi whispered. She couldn't keep running. Waiting for the right time. Trying to find the right words. 

She was a girl of action. So she would show her love with that action.

She lifted herself away from Kyoshi, and took Kyoshi’s face in her hands. 

Kyoshi’s wide eyes stared right into Rangi’s tearful ones. 

“ Please , Kyoshi,” Rangi pleaded one final time, praying the girl she loved would accept her. Then she pulled Kyoshi’s face down and pressed their lips together. 

It was the most amazing feeling in the world. Her entire being felt like it was glowing, pulsating. A warmth radiated from Kyoshi that rivaled Rangi’s own inner fire, igniting her more. Fanning her flames. The best part? Kyoshi hadn't pulled away. There was nothing that could break Rangi from this moment.

Except for the sound of the towel hitting the floor. 

Strange. Kyoshi wasn't holding as tightly as she was earlier. In fact, Rangi couldn’t feel Kyoshi’s arms around her at all now. Rangi pulled herself out of her reverie, and opened her eyes. 

Rangi iced over by what she saw. Kyoshi, eyes screwed shut and still as a statue. She was…. She was… Petrified !

Petrified by the kiss. Petrified of… her ! Of Rangi !

Kyoshi was repulsed by her. She….she….

She was just withstanding Rangi. Like the earthbender she was. Like the Earth Kingdom citizen she was. Withstanding, persevering, waiting for the unpleasant thing to pass. Neutral jing.

Rangi took a step back and her hands flew to her mouth. As if it was a weapon that needed to be contained.

“I–I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” 

She'd been wrong about Kyoshi's feelings. She'd been wrong about everything . She…she caused that reaction from her friend. She had ruined it all.

She grabbed at her dizzying head and retreated backwards. She needed to leave Kyoshi's presence. She'd done enough damage. “I–I’m sorry, I should go–.”

Rangi turned and ran for the door. She couldn't bear to see Kyoshi's reaction anymore. 

She had just started opening the door when it slammed shut, and she could feel Kyoshi's body flushed behind her. Her arm extended over Rangi, keeping the door shut in place.

Of course. Rangi couldn't just run away from her act like that. She needed to face the consequences of her actions.

Rangi closed her eyes and stiffened, bracing herself for Kyoshi's rightful wrath. Kyoshi's body moved again, and wrapped her free arm around Rangi’s waist.

Rangi panted through in between held breaths. Unsure of what Kyoshi's next move would be.

Finally, Kyoshi spoke.

“Rangi, don’t go ,” Kyoshi said, leaning down to nuzzle her face into the crook of Rangi’s neck. 

Rangi let out a shaky and silent sob. Once, twice. Then finally, a shaky laugh of release escaped her lips, almost like a sigh. She couldn’t believe what she just heard.

She leaned into Kyoshi’s touch. If this was a cruel joke, she wanted to enjoy it for just a moment before it blew up in her face.

“I don’t want you to leave.”

Rangi turned her head as Kyoshi lifted hers. Rangi saw it, the same wanting in Kyoshi's eyes that she felt. It wasn’t a cruel joke the world was playing on her. She hadn’t been mistaken. Kyoshi…wanted her as much as she wanted Kyoshi.

She waited with baited breath, as Kyoshi finally kissed her back.

____

A/N: Fun fact! This is where I thought Rangi would like chill out. We'd move onto Arc 2 and everything would be gucci. :D But that wouldn't be fun now would it?

:3c (Sorry Rangi, you're just destined to spiral. u_u Be it with high stakes or low ones)

Second Fun Fact! This was my favorite chapter of the fic so far! (besides the one chapter in Arc 2 I jumped the gun on writing).

I really like exploring Hei-Ran and Rangi's strained relationship. And I wanted to explore a more...ummm....antagonistic relationship between Yun and Rangi. ;D

[ladyhindsight]

I admit I was ignorant on the matter but now that I know more about Israel and its army, I can't help but see the similarities between them and the Shadowhunters/Nephilim. I always wondered how could CC hail a society of child soldiers that forces assimilation or violence on anyone that opposes them as heroes.

And her obsession with European features and how all characters of color are half white and change their last names (super common practice in Israel). They either assimilate to the European/Nephilim culture, or they're demonic beings that want to kill the heroes.

Sarah J Maas too, and her obsessions with imperialism = good! colonization = good!, if I grow bored of ruling I'll go on a colonization spree to bring culture to savage people! (Idk if you've read her books)

I'm jewish but I grew up in a mixed family (of ethnicities and religions) and my jewish mom is an atheist who taught me Zionism is a racist, fascist ideology so I always avoided Israel like the plague. I regret staying ignorant for so long and not educating myself sooner. Now that I have, I see works by Jewish authors in a different light. And it makes me nauseous 🤢

During the early years of the series publication Clare’s biases were especially well out there, pretty implicit in her writing. There was the mess with the “I think” post, her favoritism of specific appearances (that to this day apply!), the favoritism of the Nephilim in general—the whole character of Jace Herondale himself! It’s not at all unfounded idea that what you said could be true. The same themes certainly are present in her works.

(I haven’t read anything from Sarah J Maas, but I’ll take your word for it.)

The whole series pretty much—including the child soldiers—romanticizes war. The true and heavy losses are not focused on (Max, anyone?), are brushed aside if they do not serve the anguish of a main character, death in battle is trivial if it is either the nameless/minor characters or the bad guys dying. But it could be a more general problem with young adult literature as well, not excluding that.

It’s rather unfortunate for Clare’s actual and true fans that she remains silent. I haven’t seen or found any statement from her. One TikTok commenter said that they needed her “to be one of the good ones.” It’s sad that her supporters who pour their heart, love, time, and money (!!!) into her and her works have to teeter on the edge of uncertainty because she is saying nothing. Clever really, being silent as if trying to play both sides in order not to alienate or lose either side of her fan base (and I don’t even know what other people) as if people will forever be satisfied with not making a stand of any kind.

Clare is a New York Times best-selling author, multiple times over, she has a platform. She has the platform to amplify the voices in Gaza, to condemn the action of IDF, even as little as to show support for the innocent civilians suffering in inhumane conditions, but it seems there’s nothing. I obviously can’t say what she could be doing that is not public, but if you’re doing charity or giving aid to the people—a big if since what do I know what she really thinks or does—it’s still strange that you wouldn’t share that at all.

Don’t be too hard on yourself and shame yourself for not knowing sooner or not knowing better earlier. There’s ton of things around us—media most of all—that might affect the amount of information people even receive about this, or any issues around the world. A lot of people, including myself, learn more and more over time, and the point is learning and becoming more aware of the absolute tragedy and horror that is happening in Palestine and has been happening for decades already.

[ballsballsbowls]

I wanted to ask, since you read a lot of erotica and romance, do you have any recs for people interested in plot-heavy erotica? Thanks in advance!

I know how difficult and frustrating it is to see erotica (especially popular erotica!) that's got plotting somewhere between "shoestring" and "incoherent." In fact, there's a couple of semi-popular erotica authors that I gave up trying to read because they basically can ONLY write sex scenes and everything else is an incoherent mess. If feels as though you can really only write a lot of sex OR a lot of plot.

I'm still not getting as much plot as I'd like most of the time, but stuff that has helped me get a FEW tolerable books is:

I, pretty much universally, don't read books under 250 pages. I'm sure there's a lot of pretty good erotica for my ereader that doesn't meet that page count, but I suspect plotting it not its strong point.

Scifi/post apocalyptic/fantasy/paranormal is almost certainly going to have more plot and contemporary is almost certainly going to have less. Fortunately, I like those genres pretty well, so that's not really a hardship for me.

Obviously, mind the trigger warnings and all of that since I am useless for that stuff. Everything links to amazon because that's where I'm buying things, unfortunately. I've picked all of these up either for free or for 99 cents, so if you have time to wait you can get them pretty inexpensively.

Actually billed as erotica, either on Amazon or by author:

Beyond Shame - Kit Rocha

Post-apocalyptic/scifi with a political/gang plot, main pairing is MF but there's plenty of other stuff including MMFF. The religious theocracy part of it was a bit of a tough read this year, all things considered, but I really liked it otherwise. When I get my TBR a little more manageable, I intend to read the rest of the series, which goes on sale fairly often.

2. Initiation: Sex Wizards 1

Fantasy with mostly M/M and M/F but there's a lot of other stuff, too. I don't know that it has quite enough plot to make it onto the list, but I feel like there's enough worldbuilding to make up for it, hopefully.

3. The Rose Contract - Scottie Kaye

Fantasy political thriller with primarily M/F. This one maybe just sneaks onto the list as I'm not quite sure it has enough actual sex scenes to count in my mind, but it's billed as an erotica. These are also shorter than I normally read. I've read the first three books and do intend to read the others at some point.

Technically billed as romance, not erotica

Dark Deception by Sarah Piper

Paranormal vampire romance with substantially more sex than your average vampire romance and substantially more discussions of art history. Main pairing is MF. I bought the next book in the series.

I also have to recommend Emma Holly again for this, which is a copout as I have already recommended Emma Holly to you, but one of the most universal complaints that she got about Strange Attractions and the Hidden series both (both of which I've read and liked) is that she's got so many B and C plots in them that don't pay off because of the length of the book. Strange Attraction's entire haunting/hallucination subplot is pretty notorious for this.

I have a wishlist on amazon that's mostly 'porn with a decent plot' recs that I am desperately watching for sales, and I mostly got the recommendations from this thread, so I am hoping to have read a lot more porn with plot in the next eight months or so, but who knows. My TBR of dead tree books is about 50 books and on my ereader is about 250, so we'll see how fast I get to much of anything.

I debated sitting on this ask for another few days and thinking a little harder, but I didn't want you to think I'd forgotten about you.

[riversimmone]

Heartbeat

Heartbeat

RiverOfTheSand

Summary:

It was a power she'd never imagined: a skill not to be taken lightly. And when Sakura heard his heartbeat through his shirt, she knew this was an opportunity she couldn't pass up. Neji was more nervous in her presence than he let on, and she fully intended on taking advantage of him… uh, that.

Notes:

This is a very strange one-shot that started off a series on ff.net (marked as a multi-chapter because ff.net doesn't do that). Rereading it, it's so cliche but it was meant to be that way. . Cross-posted from fanfiction.net. First chapter in a series. . Original Author's Notes: So… I'm sitting here with my hot chocolate, freezing my arse off (well, not literally) and wondering, where the HELL is my NejiSaku inner fan girl? She went on holiday apparently. I hate being ignored. *sighs* And I'm getting frustrated writing SasuSaku. Both are good enough reasons for a change. I'll get back to it, but right now, it's NejiSaku time. ;) Anyway, my motivation for this series of one-shots is to form all the light hearted NejiSaku ideas rattling around in my head into something cohesive. These one-shots are romance but the second genre is malleable. I won't be putting angst or tragedy on them though: just remember, it's all in good fun. ;) Every updated "chapter" will have its own title and summary anyway. Heads up. :) Read, love, and review! ^_^

Rated T. Read and review. :)

"That is so hot!" Ino Yamanaka squealed loudly. "Do me! Do me!"

There had been a price for everything she loved in her life. She'd endured ridicule to figure out what was the right kind of attention and struggled for years to become the respected Kunoichi she was today. But there was one thing Sakura Haruno had yet to overcome on her chosen path: loud, obnoxious blondes. She rolled her eyes at her best friend and repressed the shudder she always felt coming when Ino got too excited. "Do you have any idea how that sounded, coming out of your mouth?"

They were in a crowded restaurant, enjoying their respective lunch hours, and every ninja and civilian in the area had just stopped what they were doing and turned to stare at them. And with Ino's reputation, Sakura could see their suspicious (and in some cases salivating interest – Genma Shiranui for one) minds musing on the implications of the blonde's words.

"Ino!" She snapped hoarsely, when her friend just ignored the attention she'd brought down on them both. "Keep your voice down."

"Oh, relax forehead." Ino spun around on her chair and addressed the other customers. "I wasn't talking about sex."

'Why am I not surprised people thought that was what she meant? The girl has no shame.'

In all the years she'd known Ino, Sakura had never seen her hold back what she was thinking. She heatedly told her friend to kindly shut her mouth, and once they were done with their lunch, the blonde made her promise to show her the new technique she'd learnt after they were both done for the day. She wasn't really asking, as Ino laced her words with a hidden threat to embarrass Sakura in public with a worse spectacle than she'd just endured.

Ino was very interested in what Sakura had picked up.

It was no big deal really, but it opened up a world of possibilities. She'd first felt it happen while sitting next to Naruto. Her fear and confusion was quickly dismissed when she realised he'd been reacting to the approaching figure of Hinata Hyuuga. His heart rate had increased with every step Hinata took toward them and if she hadn't been fixated on the thrumming of his pulse, not to mention its affect on his chakra system, from a purely medical point of view, Sakura might've gone deaf at the sound. She was glad that the idiot had finally noticed Hinata, but it had taken the pinkette hours to get rid of her headache after that.

Lady Tsunade had been quite interested in Sakura's idea of decreasing diagnosis time by learning how to detect a patient's heart rate before all the instruments could be hooked up to them, or her chakra inserted into their system. Sometimes, though not often really, the invading chakra of a medic can hasten some injuries – especially those connect to the cardiovascular and pulmonary organs (heart, veins, and lungs). On top of that, in the heat of battle, she didn't always have the chakra to waste on a diagnosis. A medic's duty was to stay out of the fight and heal as needed, but it didn't always go according to plan.

It turned from a strange little side project to a weekend of educational fun. Sakura had picked it up rather quickly and experimented on her mentor after a few rounds of sake (not to mention Shizune when the brunette woman was talking to or about Genma Shiranui).

Naruto had been her first test outside of controlled conditions.

'And then I just had to go blab to Ino!'

Now the girl wanted in and there was no wrangling this mare once she decided to buck. She was especially interested in what had happened shortly after Sakura's run-in with the Naruto/Hinata marching band. Sakura hadn't thought about anyone romantically since Sasuke, but there was a certain brown haired Hyuuga who had noticed her at least.

– Heartbeat –

It was an hour after leaving Naruto and Hinata… alone, in the woods (she mentally shivered at that), that Sakura decided to visit the Konoha Library, where at least there would be some peace and quiet. She had thought Neji would be more comfortable in the massive library in the Hyuuga estate, but there he was, standing next to an aisle of medical volumes, his arms crossed over his chest as he stared apathetically at the words on their spines.

Sakura waved as she walked toward him. "Hiya Neji!"

And of course, he offered his usual: a formal greeting complete with the correct suffix and even voice she knew. It pissed her off, but more than anything, she wanted him to loosen up. Sakura had the perfect thing, and winked at him seductively.

"Aaww, Neji-pyon!" she teased, giggling softly. "It's okay to admit you're excited to see me." [pyon: slang for calling someone their sweetie]

And then… there it was... she couldn't believe it. The stoic ice cube was normally so calm and collected. But Sakura was counting his heartbeat and was, for the first time since learning this technique, blushing at the revelation it had brought her.

He hadn't moved an inch as she walked toward him. He didn't bat an eyelid as she calmly asked him to move out of the way. He didn't respond other than to shift slightly, indicating there was enough room and he wasn't moving – he did look quite comfortable when stiff as a board. Sakura was just trying to get past him to grab the medical text book behind him on the shelf when she sensed it: his heart started hammering in his chest and it didn't stop until she was out of his personal space. His face and stance showed nothing of his accelerated heart rate however, and a part of her wondered if it had actually happened. His voice as he said his formal goodbyes before he left gave nothing away.

Sakura thought she had been imagining things until it happened again. Later that day, she'd visited the Hyuuga estate to ask Hiashi if she could sneak a peek at some of his medical volumes like he'd promised via Tsunade four months ago. Neji was the only one in Hiashi's office, and calmly told her the old man was off training with Hanabi and didn't want to be disturbed… the slippery arse. So Sakura was demanding that Neji talk some sense into his uncle while standing a foot away from him, pointing a finger at his eyes (those… mesmerising… gorgeous… eyes…), when the beating interrupted her tirade.

Neji half frowned at her abrupt halt and his eyes widened slightly at the blush lining her cheeks.

'Fuck this,' she snapped at herself.

Sakura did the only thing she could think of – she pulled him into a tight hug and whispered "god, you're hot" before making a mad dash for freedom.

– Heartbeat –

Needless to say, Sakura was embarrassed. But it also offered up the perfect opportunity for giving her love life a kick in the arse. Ino was still badgering her about teaching her the technique but Sakura couldn't face her right now. She wanted to see how far she could take this (whatever this was) with Neji… Ino would forgive her if she found out why she was skipping out on her… right? Tsunade was out on one of her binges and Sakura had a messenger "summon" Neji. She felt no qualms about pretending he'd been summoned by the Hokage and then thoroughly seducing him.

The room was empty when Neji knocked, was bade to enter and did as he was told. "Lady Hokage, what–"

"Neji-pyon," Sakura whispered from behind him, closing the door. "You and I have some unfinished business, starting with this."

Neji felt his body go still… the knowing look on her face gave her away: she knew how he felt. But how? She was pulling on his shirt – the Hyuuga Kimono he'd adjusted for his missions as a part of Team Guy. He swallowed heavily, realising the only article of clothing Sakura was wearing was a pink satin robe.

"W-where is the Hokage?" He asked, getting a strange feeling about this.

'Okay,' she thought, clenching her fists tightly. 'Let's bite this in the butt, shall we?'

Sakura ignored his question and pouted. "Wouldn't you rather kiss me, Neji-pyon?"

She smirked as he gripped her tighter, taking the bait. She closed her eyes, heat pooling in her stomach as Neji kissed her, pushing her roughly against the wall.

Fifteen minutes later, an angry blonde stormed into the Hokage's office, and Sakura started, terrified of being caught by her shishou. The woman was supposed to be out for the rest of the afternoon! But it wasn't Lady Tsunade who'd almost knocked the door off its hinges.

"FOREHEAD! I HOPE YOU'RE READY TO BE HUNG AND QUARTERED! YOU'RE SO–"

Ino stopped midsentence, taking in the scene before her: Sakura and Neji, flustered, wrapped up in each other's arms, and naked on Tsunade's desk. A quirk of her lips told the pinkette what was coming next…

"YEAH-HEH! SAKURA FINALLY GOT LAID!"

X X X

[danpuff-ao3]

The Making of Devotion

If you've followed me long enough, you've probably seen me and gotten fed up with me talking about my pride and joy, Contempt. And I promise, it's only half as much as I wanted to talk about it.

Long after Contempt was written, and finally posted, the story continued to haunt me. It wasn't done with me yet.

And so...Devotion.

The story of Contempt and Devotion was inspired by two other Snarry fics, Shame and Denial; inspired in their own ways. Those fics placed in me the need that shaped the story of my soul.

Similarly, the idea to write a companion piece, to explore Severus' POV of the same story came from another Snarry fic, or rather fics I've long loved: Nights of Gethsemane and Invictus, by starcrossed.

Forever I am in awe of what that author did. And left to my own devices, I would wax poetic about that series ad nauseum (and in fact did so before I realized "wow I'm a few hundred words into a Nights of Gethsemane rec instead of Making of post.") The main point is: Nights of Gethsemane is entirely from Harry's POV. Invictus is the same exact story from Severus' POV. I've read both numerous times and am forever in love with seeing all the bits of, not only information one knew that the other didn't, but all the times they misunderstood each other, or had the wrong assumptions, etc. And how well done it was, really losing oneself in a character's head, limited by their own experience and their own knowledge.

So when it comes to my own work, I've known the whole story all along. At first, the core of it, and over time, more of the shapes and colors. I knew when writing Contempt where Severus was coming from. So why not write that? There is so much between Harry and Severus both. So much going on in them individually. And isn't it true that there are two (or even three) sides to every story?

It occurred to me, at some point, how neat it would be to write and submit Devotion for Snarry-a-Thon. My one real issue was...well, I knew it would be able to standalone, but I wanted to be sure I could submit a companion piece. Partly since it might be obvious to anyone who's read Contempt. But also...I'd not made much secret that I'd been working on Devotion. Which I thought might be an issue for an anonymous fest. So, eager and impatient as I was, I reached out to the mod before the official Thon 23 announcement even happened. "I know we're not there yet, but...."

They had no problems with it, thankfully, just a note that it couldn't be connected to the series until after reveals, which I figured. So I stopped using the name Devotion when talking about it publicly and instead referred to it as Super Secret Project. And I dove right on into it! And also couldn't shut up about it. (RIP the poor people who had to listen to me that whole time...) I made a playlist! And a title graphic. I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote...I pulled out some hair. I sobbed. Etc, etc, very dramatic writerly things.

And while details in Contempt were inspired by HP Flowers (the flowers on Severus' door), the writing of Devotion is what fully prompted me to start HP Fruit Fest. Specifically a scene involving apricot jam. I've always been a bit of a fruit fanatic, but I felt compelled to research symbolism for apricots ("optimism and hope for the future"; thought of as an aphrodisiac in some areas, while ancient Chinese lore saw them representing "cowardice"), which really got me hung up on fruits (again) and pushed me to start the fest! (I do love some good symbolism, what can I say?) (Also: fruit.)

Strangely, I thought Devotion would be a smooth ride. Or smoother than Contempt had been. In fact, it was not. It was merely a new set of challenges.

My brain, silly as it is, fretted about the word count. I had a bad feeling it was going to be shorter than Contempt! Which my brain did not like, for Reasons. (Brain has yet to inform me as to what these Reasons are.) I think maybe I projected it would be longer, then as I was writing I thought "oh no is it going to be shorter??" (Still unclear as to why this matters.) My original thought turned out to be right, as Contempt is 20,400 words and Devotion is 25,843. So...5,443 more words!

Then...lots of overthinking about small details. I wanted more scenes showing Severus' life outside of Harry. But also...poor dude doesn't have much. I put a lot of thought into the layout of Knockturn Alley, and activities Severus might be interested in, etcetera, but a lot of that needed to be cut for the flow. And let me tell you, I've gotten pretty comfortable over the years about cutting extra tidbits, but that whole section about Severus' nights on Knockturn Alley hurt to lose. I had a feeling even as I wrote it that it was a bit much, which a friend later confirmed. Ah well, I'll drag my "list of things to do in the Wizarding world" ideas into another story. (Why have characters do to a Muggle cinema when they can go to a Wizarding play???? Come on!!!!) Just little things like that.

And absinthe!! There's a whole process to that, and it seemed wrong to not mention, but also...I didn't feel like expounding on the proper distillation of absinthe for forever and a day. Yet the one place it felt fitting to sort of show the ritual was later in the story, when I needed more of a nod towards the start. So absinthe was its own headache, basically. (Cramming a lot of details into a small space is no easy feat, let me tell you.) (And I'm so dang particular about word choice and flow!!) (No one ask me the total time I spent on the absinthe detail in this fic alone. Because I don't know other than to say: entirely too much.)

The real agony of this fic was not the writing of it, though. Which...I mean it was, but the real test was after. I very rarely use beta readers. I have bad experience, for one, and I'm a big ole sensitive lady for another.

Because the biggest worry of all was that Contempt is my pride and joy, and I worried about adding more to that universe. What if Devotion was a big failure or disappointment? What if attaching a subpar work to my baby ruined it?? The best hope I had to keep that from happening was to get a beta reader.

But first, I had Ephie (@fleetingdesires.) At the tail end of writing I was losing steam and focus and hope and I was in desperate need of someone to read what I had and tell me it wasn't garbage. So if you like Devotion, please thank Ephie for saving it from the dumpster.

Then...there was aristi, my beta. Aristi has known me for a while. She knows my writing. She knows my soft, fragile heart. She also knows a lot about editing. Which is to say, the process wasn't nearly as awful as I expected, but the whole "waiting to have my heart ripped to shreds" feeling was rough.

Also, it still wasn't nice, exactly, having flaws pointed out. For every typo I wanted to put my head through a wall. Every email about updates in Google Docs, my heart stopped, and I just thought: "this is it, today's the day she tells me to set the whole story on fire." (Me? Issues? Noooo...) There was also my deadline anxiety that came into play. We missed our projected deadline (for reasons), but that was why we gave ourselves breathing room! We did still get it all done before submissions were due. Life gets in the way sometimes, which I totally understand. It didn't stop me from thinking the worst and spiraling a bit as time went on. ("oh no, it's so awful, she doesn't even have the heart to tell me!")

In the end, I had a handful of typos. Most of which I'm pretty sure came from my single edit run wherein I finagled a few scenes and probably created more errors than I fixed. And aristi suggested a bit of expansion in a few places, which wasn't really much. I added less than 100 words, I think.

Best of all, each suggestion was well-cushioned and sweetly presented. And I think more of her comments were just fun commentary or compliments than anything. I hardly had to fix much at all! And better yet, I was feeling pretty good! Comfortable, confident, and cared for! She was so incredibly thoughtful about everything she said, which really touched me! I'm used to people sort of being frustrated with me, and telling me to deal with it, put up with it, etc. Which is fine. I know I can't make my issues everyone else's problem. But it's nice when people stop and try. To feel like it's not a great burden to want gentleness. To be treated like my feelings, and I, matter. I dunno, it was really special to me.

So really, not a bad process! Better than I could have hoped for, really. But my own overthinking and worrying made it hard. An extension of all the overthinking and worrying I did while writing.

I was more lonely writing Devotion than I was with Contempt. My writing group from the year before more or less dispersed. That was an additional hardship I didn't expect. I'm a big sharer. It's important to me to talk and chat and have people to be excited with. (And to cry with, ngl.) It left me a bit stuck and a bad sad. But I found new support in the end, and in the aftermath.

For me, it makes for a good reminder of why I do what I do, why I put myself out there so much. It matters to me in general, but it's crucial when things change. Not all ties are forever, but there are always new ties to be made, if one is willing to go out and make it happen.

[moonlightreal]

All the Strange Fates

There is only one LJ Smith’s Strange Fate, and I hope we’ll get to read it soon. But in the 25 year gap between books a number of other people have written their own Strange Fates. Let’s take a look at them!

Here is the list of the top ten things remotely called “Strange Fate” or “Night World book 10” that I could find. I read at least a few chapters of each to get a bit of an overview. There’s a lot of variation in how Strange Fate-ish they are, how good they are, and how finished they are. Fanfics do be like that.

Completed! Witch Sydney goes on a school trip to Belgium and shortly meets her soulmate, the arrogant vampire Alec. They join Circle Daybreak as the apocalypse approaches. This is a good story. It has lore, it has all the characters we know seen through the author’s eyes, it goes all the way to the apocalypse and an appropriate epilogue. Well done!

Completed! Also the first story going down this list to feature Sarah Strange, but she’s an ancient oracle soulmated to a dragon! This is a really original one, and it’s very cool.

Unfinished but very well written with long, meaty paragraphs. This author does the best so far at copying LJ Smith’s actual writing style. Our beloved characters plus some OC soulmates for the characters who need them.

Unfinished. Starring a young dragon born on the side of evil but choosing to become good. This is a neat original idea and I am here for it!

Unfinished, ends on a cliffhanger. POV jumps between all the characters as the apocalypse begins.

Unfinished. All the characters plus some OCs discover how close the apocalypse is as soulmated couples start getting murdered!

Unfinished. Based on the original Strange Fate back cover, Sarah’s soulmates are Blade and Kierlan. Shame this one’s unfinished, it does good stuff!

Unfinished but it gets to 37 chapters and they’re not teeny short chapters, so props for that! Another version of Sarah, Blade and Kierlan and well written.

Unfinished. A third Sarah Blade and Kierlan story, it looks like it was going good places but ends at two chapters.

Unfinished. Our characters are in trouble as the apocalypse begins.

Archive of Our Own delivered zero Strange Fates and Wattpad delivered one unfinished work that had basically nothing to do with the Night World except an appearance by Ash at the end. I liked reading these, seeing all the different ideas everybody had. Now I kinda want to try a good dragon protagonist growing up in an evil society, like a Night World Drizzt.

Another thing I noticed was that two stories kinda dunked on Gillian and David. One had them killed off, and in another the character totally roasted Gillian as being barely a witch who did evil with her powers as soon as she found out she had them. Which… valid, honestly! I think of Dark Angel as being Gillian’s origin story. Like Tony Stark she started pretty self centered and grew into a better person through her first adventure. It also struck me that Gillian could be a candidate for “witch who isn’t a witch” since she’s a witch who never got whatever moral instruction that girls in witch families get. What if now that Angel’s gone she goes looking for another patron creature… and connects with the dragons?? I don’t think so, I can’t imagine Ms. Smith doing that to one of her heroines, but it could be a valid plot!

...we need more Gillian sequels in this fandom. ^^;

But there was one more Strange Fate that I knew about. The one that fan tried to sell on a bunch of websites. Now that would be a unique addition to this post, and my Night World collection! But could I find it?

...well, yes. I emailed the author and she was happy to send me a copy no problem.

I was so excited.

Sadly she wasn’t… chatty-friendly. So it didn’t feel right to ask for details about the whole trying to get it published thing, no matter how much I want to know. Kindness and curiosity are both virtues, but when they come up against each other kindness should win. So we shall never know if she is a true madlass or just somehow managed to write a book-length fanfic without having enough contact with the community to know you can’t publish fanfics.

But was it any good?

Well… yes. To my surprise. It was. My expectations were really low, so I’m really impressed. Measured against traditionally published books the prose isn’t great, it’s clunky and clearly didn’t go through the rounds of edits that publishers impose. But measured against some of the fanfics I just read, it’s very well done. So I’d say it was on the level of other self published stuff. Not amazing, but readable. YMMV.

Sarah has become Davina Strange and she’s the fourth Wild Power, a plot point that makes sense, and by chapter 11 she’s been kidnapped by the baddies and we’re setting up Mal and Kierlan as rivals for her affection. The whole crowd of Night World characters haven’t really appeared yet, just Thierry, so I’m kinda “have fun juggling 18 supporting characters, that won’t be a challenge at all!” but it’ll be fun to see which ones get the spotlight. I don’t know how the rest of the story will go but I’m impatient to read more.

I have no idea if the author wants to be put on blast so dm me or whatever if you want a link, or look it up yourself, it wasn’t hard to find.

[spaceishuge]

Facts and way too big feelings

/sorry to get all rambly and personal on such a funky site, but i've made the executive decision to post this anyway. 473 words, 8 paragraphs and written in under an hour. first draft situation so forgive any weird flow/structure issues. if your into reading a strangers late night notes app stuff for some reason, this is on the same level/

I like to research, and I like to write. That's how I handle pretty much everything. at the very least it's a distraction, at it's best it solves whatever problem I'm facing. this had been the only way I knew to deal with big heavy stuff when I felt I had no one else to turn to. So it was near horrifying when it didn't work right when I needed it to the most. All my carefully compiled research, an email that went through four or five drafts, a perfectly curated list of resources and proof and..it was for nothing. it didn't matter, in the end, what research paper I cited, what blog from a medical group I linked, whatever helpful resources I could offer paired with a detailed explanation of what where why. I didn't realize I was throwing facts on what ended up being an emotional situation. I was in my early teens and had written a whole essay on why I believe I'm trans and what we can do about it. I was confident it would work out, why wouldn't it? I spent weeks on it, and the facts seemed clear as day nothing could make me *not* trans, surely they'd read every word and come to the same conclusion, and everything would be fine from then on out. They had no sound reason not to believe me as far as i could tell. Except what was just a bunch of neat facts for me, was a living nightmare for them. It was surreal, presenting something i was downright proud of (so many hours of work! so many sources and citations!), and my mom breaking down at the first line. Neither my mom or dad ever finished reading it. I'm not sure they got past the introduction. Nothing productive ever came of it. They firmly believe I'll drop dead from HRT, that eventually I'll snap out of this 'delusion' and regret everything. How do you address a problem when facts don't work? When someone won't listen to plain facts, firmly believing it's all been twisted by some political conspiracy?

it can feel like a stab to the heart, trying to make an emotional plea for something I felt could've been so simple. When a fact turns into a debate, and your happiness and health depend on you winning, it can all feel nearly tragic. Like it's a losing battle, a cautionary tale about not saying the right thing. Sometimes I wish there was some grand old wizard to declare what's right and what's wrong. The wise mentor on a hero's journey that provides a crucial piece of information that saves the day. Instead, I'll just have to keep trying to detangle this contradictory mess of facts and very big feelings, hoping I'll find the right words and the solution to a deadly puzzle

[yunarim]

Heyyy hey! I got a strange idea so... I saw you mentioned you're interested in kpop, so I thought if you can write a fic w paper kissing game idols used to play like 4-5 years ago?? lol in case you don't know they're grabbing a piece of paper w their mouths and trying to pass it to one another using their mouth only... i hope i make sense :D how about writing it w your faves?

（✿ᴗ ᴗ）마지막 인사 To My First ❤︎ summary : paper kiss game! (where the paper drops) ❤︎ tags : gn reader, fluff, vdc/sdc mentions (thus book 5 spoilers) ❤︎ chatacters : vil, azul, idia, malleus ❤︎ author's note : in case you have no idea what the paper passing game is about, see this one video with seventeen! also see the end of the post for more ^^

Ah, seriously. What was the point in sitting here when the winner was already announced. You were more than enraged, blood almost boiling in your vessels at how unfair all this was. Seriously, a little childish song, even though it was cute and adorable and all that sweet fluffy rainbow-unicorned stuff — now that, that was considered as something worthy of first place? Ha!

In any case, you watched the out-of-competition part of the event going smoothly, you didn't even blink while Ace and Deuce were hissing like two cats who didn’t get their milk and were giving death stares at the jury section, as if trying to scratch them by their glares. 

It was okay. It was a literal shame, and even if you hadn’t taken part in the competition, you know just how painful it is when your best efforts aren’t paying off. And while you were lamenting over the second place, that awfully catchy song still going on repeat in your mind, you realized that members of the Light Music Club actually made their way to the stage.

“Hey guys! Before we start our performance, let us demonstrate to you a little game we’ve discovered not so long ago!”

You furrowed your brows, blurry memories suddenly popping up in your mind. You recall Cater asking what kind of games were popular in your world and now this… 

“Let us introduce to you a Paper Kiss Game~” Lilia winked, piquing the audience's interest and giving you a stare only you could understand. 

You were seated at Vil’s left and you felt how he bend down to you, leaning closer to your ear and asking whether took you a hand in the matter or not, but you just only tried to reassure him with a wry smile, realizing that now you may actual have your stage debut out of nowhere.

“Participants will be chosen randomly!~ Please log in into the VDC app and click on…”

As Kalim was explaining what to do, you already sighed, realizing your defeat. No way you are not going to take part in their antics when you were the one who told them about this game. As expected, the status in your app was saying you’re the participant. 

“Alright, our dear participants, please come to the stage~” 

You gave Cater a warning glare, but he just laughed it off. There were not so many people, and mentally you were thanking all the Great Sevens at once for standing near familiar people. It would be extremely embarrassing to pass a piece of paper to Neige… Not only embarrassing, maybe you wouldn’t restrain your anger and put his shitty piece of paper to—

Ahem.

“Okay guys, remember if you drop the paper, you should start over from the very first person in a row! Then… let’s start!”

─ ⊹ VIL SCHOENHEIT ♡₊

How smart of Cater was it to make you the person from whom the game starts. 

You had two things in your mind at the very moment: first — to damn never let the paper drop so you won’t ruin Vil’s reputation and at least a pretty decent trustworthy attitude you managed to build somehow, and the second — to do it as quickly as possible.

Vil, stunning as always, shining brighter than any sun, both your world’s and twisted wonderland’s one, was wearing his insanely high heels, so after grabbing a red piece of paper you tugged on his sleeve, making him bend over to you. You opened your mouth just enough for it to successfully grab the paper, and basically plastered it to your lips. 

Vil seemed absolutely unfazed by your not so beautiful behavior and picked up the paper from your lips in an elegant way, then passed it over to the next person, demonstrating the flawless and gorgeous demeanor he always had. You showed him thumbs up, appreciating his work. Maybe they train actors and models to do anything spectacularly well in any situation? 

Suddenly you saw Neige stuttering and stumbling, so you facepalmed at his clumsiness, eagerly grabbing the next piece of the paper from Lilia who stood beside you, seeming especially amused at your reaction.

You thought it would be okay this time too, at least you knew Vil’s gonna save you if anything, but somehow you haven’t considered he was too… swayed by something.

The way your eyes were glimmering with an unfeigned joy got him startled for a mere second. You were clearly having fun, enjoying a peaceful time after so many things happened. Those were the moments you were absolutely beautiful.

He pressed his lips to yours, thinking he caught the paper, but somehow it wasn’t so rough and scratchy as it was during his first attempt. He glared at you, noticing how your cheeks were slowly dusting with a scarlet hue, and you quickly pulled back, avoiding meeting his glance.

“Oh my!~ What a predicament~” 

You thought you heard Lilia encouraging the audience to give their best reactions, people definitely were crying and swearing at you for kissing THE Vil Schoenheit, and it seemed the others were demanding you to continue, but at the very moment it was only you and Vil enjoying your little moment.

“Potato,” you finally looked up at him. “Let’s continue.”

“A-ah, yes!”

You remember almost nothing after winning the game, if there even was a winner at all. You made your way to the backstage, trying to calm down your extremely fastly beating heart, but was startled when someone also came in.

“Potato, I thought you learned something from the lessons I gave another potatoes during our rehearsals. Don’t be embarrassed of yourself. And also…”

He leaned to you, gently caressing your cheek.

“When I suggested we continue I didn’t mean the game.”

─ ⊹ AZUL ASHENGROTTO ♡₊

That was absolutely awful. Not only you had to grab a paper from Vil, you had also pass it over to Azul. 

As for Vil, everything was quite okay. He was an actor, he played in kissing scenes before, it’s like breathing to him, this kind of entertainment was his second skin. The only problem remained was you and Azul right there.

You quickly turned to your ashen-haired friend, slightly tilting your head and apologizing beforehand. 

Little did you know that Azul was going crazy at the spot, a kaleidoscope of different emotions scrolled through him, making it almost unbearable to just stand straight. He was sure the twins were filming him, he noticed Floyd making some sort of a fancam of him (you taught the octatrio this word). 

Vil turned to you, bending over and passing you the paper successfully, so you grabbed Azul’s hand, pulling him closer. His glasses slipped off the bridge of his nose at the sudden movement. He was too preoccupied with trying to actually see how you are holding the paper with your mouth, his vision all blurry and vague, so he realized he lost his concentration. 

Was there any in the first place? He was actually swayed by your assertiveness. Being lovestruck to the point of mistaking your confusion and embarrassment for happiness, glimmering in the corners of your eyes — he was so hopeless. Hopelessly in love with you. 

So he completely forgot he had a game to complete. Well, at least to attempt winning. 

You mumbled something incoherently due to the paper you were still holding with your lips, at least for you it sounded like a perfect interpretation of his name under the conditions you were trapped in, and well, you did sound menacing for a reason. 

Azul finally came to his senses (at least he thought he did) and grabbed your hand in response, leaning closer and deciding to pull off all the luck he got. He couldn’t mistake the paper texture and your lips. Even if he couldn’t see a damn thing, he still had heightened senses. 

Well, extraordinarily heightened senses, it seemed. 

You felt how the paper slipped away, as well as Azul’s glasses falling off completely and landing on the tip of your nose with a dull thud. You muttered through his lips and pulled away quickly. This was absolutely embarrassing and you were sure Azul was going to make you pay off for causing such an unprofitable situation and—

Ah, yeah, you still had a game to restart. 

You saw Vil sighing at you two and grabbing another piece of paper from Lilia’s hands. Even though your cheeks were still hot after the accident kiss, Vil wouldn’t fancy the idea of restarting the game three times in a row, so he somehow made you catch the paper successfully and demanded to do better this time. Now you gently pulled Azul closer, tilting your head, while he made sure his glasses were on their right place, and nearly kissed him, finally passing the paper. You were even astonished at how easily Azul managed after you, not even looking at Idia who was next. 

Meanwhile Floyd somewhere in the crowd was having his fanboy moment and claiming this fancam of Azul will go viral, a total banger. 

─ ⊹ IDIA SHROUD ♡₊

THIS IS THE DISASTER. 

He freaked out instantly on the spot when he got a notification he was that lucky he got included as a participant. He wasn’t even intending on watching the show in person, he was an Ignihyde dorm leader for a good damn reason, why have 4K displays if not using them at all? 

Ortho. 

Of course it’s always his cheerful, proactive brother. Ortho said it would be nice to see his classmates’ performance, and also the whole world is simping for Neige LeBlanche, maybe he could do a collab with Gakemo someday, it was definitely worth witnessing in person!!

He didn’t care about Neige or anything at all, he just wanted to make sure everything was going okay with the techs and displays, his flesh and blood in his comfy room drown in darkness. 

And somehow here he was, standing on the stage next to the extremely popular and illegally charming Ramshackle prefect by his right and the almighty Malleus Draconia at his left. 

It was a nightmare. The worst of them, apparently, as he trembled just by standing near the Prefect. He was surrounded by the two people everyone always spoke of. He, a proud introvert, geek and a shut-in, being sandwiched between the Prefect he kinda had a crush on and Malleus Draconia he was avoiding as a plague. 

You, on the other hand, knew damn well how anxious Idia must be. Not to be greedy about winning the game quickly, but you genuinely cared for Idia, so while Vil was trying to pass the paper to Azul, you pulled up on your toes and reached for Idia’s ear. 

“Just imagine me as anything you’re comfortable with. I hope that would suffice..”

Idia wanted to ramble to you how ridiculous you were sounding, but Azul grabbed your hand, passing you the paper, so you were already preoccupied with another task. 

Okay. Really, alright, he was imagining a cork board instead of you, trying to mentally replace your lips with pins, sticking down the paper notes to the board. Huh, like hell this would work!!

You throw a thumbs-up at him before grabbing his hands and making him bend down to you. To give you the credit, you really did manage to pass the paper over to him, but just for a moment you thought you heard a crackling sound somewhere near you. 

Indeed, when Idia pulled away from you, you saw him… biting the paper through. You didn’t even know whether it was you, completely at the loss of words, or Idia, silently hissing and cursing, who actually lost, but in any case both of you heard Kalim claiming it was cheating. 

NO, PLEASE NOT AGAIN, Idia begged for someone, but here you were, passing over another piece of paper to him. His flickering hair went from a little pinkish hues to more reddish ones, getting far brighter. 

Now it was the wind that took the paper away from your lips. The third time it was you who stumbled on the previous two papers, an unexpected pile of them forming under your feet. The fourth time Idia was going to leave, his hair flaming with an amaranth red, almost spreading a fire hazard all over the place. 

The fifth time though you’ve had enough. 

“Shit, if I’m destined to kiss you right now, then so be it,” Idia watched you in pure horror, glaring at the exit of the stage and thinking when he should start running. “Idia!”

“H-huh!?” he startled, glancing at you quickly and averting his gaze almost instantly after. 

“Can I kiss you!?”

“Y-yes?? WHAT??”

Idia remembered being drugged to his dorm by Ortho and losing the game for the first time in his life. 

But hey, was it a loss though? 

─ ⊹ MALLEUS DRACONIA ♡₊

What the name of the game was again?..

Malleus just stared at you standing at his right, having that little LeBlanche boy whose team won the VDC at his left. Yes, such an unfortunate situation… Maybe Schoenheit should have let you participate. Malleus knew best how pleasant your voice sounds when you’re humming something to yourself only, while cleaning up the garden. Or how nimble and brisk you can be whenever Lilia pops up in front of you, hanging upside down, and you dodge him flawlessly. 

In any case, he was so preoccupied with the thoughts of you he actually skipped the part where he wanted to observe others in order to get the main idea of this game. 

Somehow you weren't nervous about passing the paper over to Malleus. Even if the game was ridiculous, you were enjoying the thought of having Malleus on stage. All eyes on him, and he was so gorgeous and lovely!! 

You knew it was surprising for many people to see the legendary Malleus Draconia in all his glory and magnificence. Even more surprising to see him participating in this game like an ordinary college student. 

When Malleus made his way to the stage, he thought that playing a little games accustomed to human beings would show his other, more gentle side. 

The key word, he only thought. There was no point in taking a guess how this game would end if you weren't the one standing beside him, your absolutely pristine presence calming him down and filling his heart with an indescribable heartwarming feeling. The way you flashed a reassuring smile at him before the game started made him return this smile, causing you to blush. 

And yet something pricked his chest when he saw you touching Idia, almost being really intimate (if grabbing his hands and yelling you two need to finish this quickly and stay thankful you two aren’t passing the paper over to Neige considered as intimacy?..). Were you just kissing at this point? Right in front of him, after all the obviously romantically-linked words you've said?

No, no. You wouldn’t betray his trust and he knows that truly. Then… maybe that was some kind of a strange encouragement between humans, so they feel energized enough to complete the game after? Yes, it seemed this way. He wanted Lilia to explain the rules again better, since he shamelessly skipped the first one time, being busy staring at your cheerful smile. 

Suddenly you turned to him with a paper covering your mouth and tugged on his sleeve, trying to point out that he needs to lean towards you. Why was a piece of paper covering your mouth again?.. Maybe that was some sort of a ritual, like washing hands before eating or something?.. Why would he kiss you with that when it’s so inconvenient?

He gently took off the paper with his gloved fingers, causing everyone to gasp and you to give him an uncomprehending look. Somehow Lilia wasn’t so quick to restart the game and pass the new piece of paper to Vil, who was standing as the first one in a row. 

“Tsunotarou?” You asked, tilting your head, the mention of his nickname causing him to smile at you. 

“I shall grant you with my blessing of encouragement, child of man. Please do well during the game.”

His gloved fingers gently traced to your cheeks, and you jumped at the sudden affection, but remained still, wondering what he would do next. He leaned in, pressing a rather deep kiss on your lips and pulling back after smiling through the kiss. 

“A-ahem, T-tsunotarou, you see…” you stuttered, clenching his clothes in your hands just to stay steady. “That paper… you needed to pass it over to the next student with your mouth without letting it drop.”

“Oh,” he placed a finger on his own lips, seeming rather perplexed at your words. “I assume my blessing isn’t to your liking then?”

“I absolutely loved that!!” You answered almost instantly, not caring about people's jaws dropping. “Good job, I totally feel like winning now!”

And you actually did win. The heart of your little dragon in the first place, of course. 

♡ tag list : @isacoremeow

❤︎ author's note : the caption is the name of the nct dream song ~ omg anon i know this game very well :D thx for requesting i had fun writing it! even tho i had a fever when i was working i believe it turned out good, hope you had fun as well ~ due to the mentioned fever i had no energy left for writing leona's part sry ;; (and maybe revealing my new fave... but i will someday ig)

© yushiiae 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝. 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭, 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐲, 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐲, 𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧.

[novorehere]

Been thinking a lot about what everyone has said on that one post about sameness in the vore community. I’ve always known the vore community tends to “recycle” concepts and tropes. (Trust me, I’ve been here for a WHILE I’ve seen it all.) Mainly, the prevalence of tooth-rotting comfort vore fluff. I certainly do not deny that I am a perpetrator of fixating on said content. It’s easy to write. Self insert first person character is sad, you project yourself onto them, they get eaten and praised, you feel better about yourself. And thus the cycle continues. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Stories like these get my heart all giddy every time without fail, and I’m not gonna pretend they don’t.

But I do agree that the vore narrative has SO much more potential than just this. Horror. Suspense. Angst. Characters developing as people and growing closer to one another through unconventional means. I always adore when people come up with more unique vore stories, with entire fleshed out worlds and characters with their own backstories and personalities. Stories where it’s not really a vore story, it’s just a Thing that Happens to the already existing characters, and focuses on how they react to the strangeness and how they grow because of it. It’s a shame this sort of content isn’t as prevalent, but I completely understand why. Writing complex characters is hard. Writing conflict is hard. And it doesn’t help that content like this tends not to get as many hits as the more simple, easy to digest (heh) comfort stuff we see all the time around here.

As for me, I am one of the odd one’s out in the community in that I really don’t have any of my own characters. Sure I have a “persona” of sorts, but that’s a relatively new thing that isn’t even MY character but a generic self-insert thing from an already existing franchise. Almost all of my writing has been in the first person style, where the reader/author can imagine themselves in the story. I’ve now come to realize this is probably the main reason I’m stuck writing fluff, to be honest. I feel more comfortable inserting myself in vore situations where it’s nice and everything has a happy ending. Stories where the reader isn’t involved at all are a lot easier for me to include more developed emotions and conflict.

To tell you the truth, I’ve wanted to try my hand at making OCs for quite a while now. I actually have quite a few fleshed out character ideas that have been in stored away in my head for quite some time. Perhaps now that I’m drawing more, I could try my hand at it. Maybe. It’s kind of a long shot. In the meantime, I’ll certainly keep what everyone has said in mind as I write in the future. Thank you all again for giving the community your thought and feelings, and for being so civil and friendly to eachother :)

[kyotocosmology]

What I talk about when I talk about writing barks

I love them - in fact in future gigs I'd like to work more with one-liner dialogue & systems than on authored conversations & cutscenes - but a lot of people don't, which I think is a shame, so here's some things that have informed my thinking

If you're genuinely in a "we need 50 variants on Grenade! or Did I see something?" situation then something's gone wrong. In my exp the usefulness of line variants tops out at ~20 and often has diminishing returns after 10

If you can play the game, try to develop a feel for whether barks are so common that you need more variants, or so common you need *less*. The latter may seem counterproductive but repetition is not necessarily the bugbear a lot of non-writer stakeholders think it is

If you're writing barks or ambient for a defined character - baby that's videogame storytelling! This is the narrative that players will spend the most time with in the game, not the conversations, not the cutscenes. This is where you have an opportunity to get to know a character perhaps even in ways they don't show other people, or even fully appreciate themselves

If you're writing for crowds there's an argument that 'natural' overheard conversation is quite boring - Feels like rain, I'm going to the shops, Look! Horses! etc - but I don't think that's true. People say incredibly strange things! Without turning into a super creep energy vampire with a notebook, tune in and out of overheard conversation when you're out. Ambient dialogue shouldn't be 'filler': it lets you surface the self-talk of the world

Variation - watch sports matches, game shows, even soap operas, where there are a series of repetitive events that are more or less guaranteed to happen in sequence & observe how it's commentated

A tougher one to explain but one of my touchstones - listen to singers fucking up their own lyrics in live performances

Clarity: check out your own or other social media posts especially when the replies misunderstand the text (ignoring obvious bad faith readings) - what was missed? What wasn't conveyed?

[liminal-zone]

Fanfic roundup 2022

(2021 round up)

LIST OF FANWORKS

Posted:

dependence (The Matrix | Neo/Trinity | codependency | rated NR)

See your enemy (The Matrix | Neo/Trinity, Trinity+Smith | the one that got away | rated M)

But mine is as hungry as the sea (LOTR | Galadriel/Sauron | a millennia of dreams | rated E)

i’d like to hold her head underwater (LOTR | Galadriel/Sauron | kissin’ and makin’ oaths| rated M)

That’s the whole ice cream cone (LOTR RPF | Charlie/Morfydd | scholarship is sexy | rated M) (ao3 locked)

Crave (LOTR | Galadriel/Sauron | tentacles | rated E) (wip to update v soon)

WIPs:

LOTR: an earnest take on the celeborn custody battle crack (posting soon)

LOTR: Dark Galadriel and the dyad rings - teases here

LOTR: healing generational trauma with fourth age Arwen and her peepaw

The Matrix: Trinity and Smith as mirrors - tease here

MCU: the final conclusion of my winterbaron sugar daddy fic

MCU: a full horror Time Variance Authority Trash Party with stucky rising

Total number of completed works/fandoms written in: six completed works in 2022 for a total of just over 15k words; two for The Matrix, three for LOTR, and one RPF. 

OVERALL THOUGHTS: What a strange year! The Matrix fics were essentially remixes and the LOTR fics were essentially a fever dream zeitgeist high. I wish that I could have a more steady creative process???? But I’m very proud of the creative work this year and the madness I felt in writing these fics.

PERSONAL FAVORITE: The moment in “I’d like to hold her head underwater” where Galadriel has a fantasy of fucking Halbrand into a dying Sauron’s armored body. “And wonderfully, exquisitely, she feels that weak dark spirit shamed at the ignominy of this dark choice.” FUCKING A, LIZZEN.

MOST UNDERAPPRECIATED: I actually feel quite happy with the appreciation I received for all of my fics this year. The kudos may be low on The Matrix ones but my matrix fam had wonderful things to say about them. Britomart keeps tagging me in a discord server as she introduces folk to “See your enemy”, the best. Crave could use more love but LET’S BE REAL. CRAVE COULD DESERVE A FUCKING NEXT CHAPTER, YA COCK TEASE.

MOST POPULAR: “But mine is as hungry as the sea” by every metric. It’s incredible, do NOT get me wrong, I love the shit out of this fic, it truly was a demon I had to exorcize into gorgeous words and tragic romantic angst – BUT it’s popular bcs I gamed the zeitgeist timing LETTUCE BE QUITE REAL. In my old age, I’m very wise to the methodologies of fic popularity. XX

STORY WITH THE SEXIEST MOMENT: So, what I love the best about  “But mine is as hungry as the sea” is that I couldn’t have Gal and Hal talk to each other if at the VERY least he was finger banging her. AT THE VERY LEAST. Like. My parody version of that fic is them having benign boring conversations as he’s three fingers in and she’s lost count of how much she’s come. Second place is the same fic where I talk about her being sticky and him shaking BECAUSE I AM TRASH (affectionate). 

MOST FUN STORY TO WRITE: The posted chapter of Crave was such a fun time. The bulk of it just flowed out of me in like an HOUR. I just love monsterfucking and a woman who is AS HUNGRY AS THE SEA. It just had so much delicious promise. UGHHH, so much fun.

HARDEST: Hahahahahaha the unposted finish to Crave. What have I done. Writing a kink with specific tropes for a pairing where I am resistant to those tropes being used with them? HAHAHAHAH. WHAT AM I DOING. (I’ll make it work and people will like it or they won’t!). 

BIGGEST SURPRISE: Having the exact same fever dream zeitgeist high while writing like I did after TLJ in December 2017. I thought that was like a cocaine high and I’d never feel it again. I THOUGHT I WAS DEAD INSIDE. (I’m back to being a little dead inside so…. that’s…….. fun for me and my therapist.) (WORKING ON IT.)

DID YOU TAKE ANY RISKS IN WRITING THIS YEAR? Writing the first RPF fic for The Rings of Power. NEW LOTRPS JUST DROPPED, BAYBEEEE. It was initially locked, but then I opened it back up because I was like, “this fandom can behave with rpf, right?” Hahaha, nah bro, so it’s locked up again and I’m unlikely to write another (until there’s new irl canon i guess?). 

MOST UNINTENTIONALLY TELLING STORY: Y’all here know how I feel about Charlie’s Sauron scholarship, so you can’t be surprised that I have Morfydd jump him immediately after she learns about it. SHRUG!

FAVORITE LINES/SCENES: Honestly, the entire tease for the Trinity + Groff!Smith. Fucking brilliant work. “I accept your terms,” she says. “I didn’t make any,” he says, weak. “Exactly,” she replies.

2023 WRITING AMBITIONS: Write more steadily and consistently. Get back into the drabble mode. Make time, take time, just do it. It doesn’t have to be groundbreaking, it just has to be creating something. The joy of creation is like nothing else. Chase that high.