#the author has no shame writing strange things and posting them
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Any Weight - Idia
Author Notes: So I really didn't know what I was going to post today in terms of oneshots, so this happened. This fic has been sitting my google docs for quite while and honestly started out life as practice for writing Idia. I wrote this and edite it while listening to the song "Heavy in Your Arms" by Florence in the Machine. As per usual, reader is gender-neutral. I hope you enjoy!
Type: Gender-neutral reader/ sfw/ fluff with angst/ comfort/ romance highly implied/ Spoilers for Ignihyde Chapter
Word Count: 1539
Idia shifted slightly as you leaned against his back, reading some book as he farmed one of his games. And in easy, quiet moments like this, with the weight of your body resting gently against his, feeling like a silent but ever-present promise, it was easy to forget the truth of his situation. Of his life.
But Idia was cursed. It was a weighty, but simple truth that had hung over his head for his entire life. Because he’d never known a life where he wasn’t cursed.
Idia was cursed to remain chained to the Island of Woe, to S.T.Y.X., and to guard the remains of those who’d fallen prey to their own magic and dark thoughts, just like he almost had back when you’d come all the way to S.T.Y.X.’s headquarters after Grim and your friends.
Idia was also cursed to never be able to feel darkness’s embrace, which could hide even the greatest of shames, until the light inevitably came. Because his hair always shone that cold blue light on him. Never letting him hide away from the gaze of all those who looked upon him in horror or disgust and saw all of his many flaws.
Idia was even cursed by his own personality. Unable to tolerate being around others without shutting down and drowning in their silent gazes. Judgmental, fearful, and sometimes pitying, no matter how he felt about it.
It was disgusting, infuriating, and so many other things that left him filled with ire towards anyone and everyone who didn’t understand him or his life. If they were going to gawk at him, then he would mock them for their naive, stupid views, and avoid them. There was no use in bothering with people who would never care.
After all, his life had been decided for him from the very moment he’d been born.
And all of those reasons, as well as so many others, were why he’d pushed you away initially. A laughable thought now, considering you were sitting on his bed, with your back pressed to his in a gentle reminder of your presence that, rather than causing him to tense like so many did, made him relax into the silence that rested easily between the two of you.
But when he’d first met you, he never would have imagined this. Not with how you’d seemed so strange.
A weirdo, to be sure, with the way your gaze had never held that crushing weight that threatened to smother him that so many others had.
Some person from another world who apparently had far greater concerns than a flame-haired freak that lived in some other dorm. And, to an extent, Idia had been able to respect that.
It had quickly become obvious that you were more than just a weirdo, though. If nothing else, you were capable of handling and surviving numerous overblots. And even as he was getting to know you, it had already been clear to Idia that you were capable of so much more than him.
And that was still clear to him even today. Because if he was a curse, then you were more akin to a blessing.
A blessing who stepped in and stopped overblots from destroying their victims rather than studying the remains of those who were already done for.
A blessing who could see people at their very worst, and still accept them.
And finally, you were a blessing in that you had a personality that was like a balm to introverts. A person he could just be himself around without having to be surrounded by the multitude of people who’d already noticed your calming demeanor.
In reality, Idia knew you weren’t a blessing. Something so good could never survive in a school like this one. And he’d experienced firsthand exactly how much of a pest you could be.
But even with that knowledge, there were still moments when you were like a protagonist with the way you stood out so glaringly from the crowd.
Of course, Idia stood out from the crowd as well, but never in a remotely good way.
At odds with this, your only supposedly negative quality was that you lacked magic. And while it did make your life a pain sometimes, you never let it bother you. Not like how Idia let his negative qualities and anything he lacked burden him.
And it was a heavy burden. A heavy burden that Idia knew made him equally heavy and unpleasant to be around. Because Idia was no fool. He knew his presence, his friendship, and even his very existence was a weighty one. He could easily drag a person down to their doom with the curses that trailed after him, like an entourage that couldn’t and wouldn’t go unnoticed.
And all of those reasons, plus a myriad of others, were why your presence here, with him, right now ought to be strange. But it wasn’t. In fact, it was perfectly normal for you to hang out with him in the solace of his room. Sometimes gaming with him, and sometimes just doing your own thing in silent companionship.
The selfish part of him clung to both you and your presence even as he continued to face his game in silence.
Were he just a bit bolder, it would be easy to imagine himself turning to face you and wrapping his arms around your neck, with his fingers curling around your temple as if they could crown you as he cradled you to him.
But what could he ever crown you with other than the knowledge that you deserved far better?
It was his way of betraying you, and he knew that. His betrayal was one of the reasons he never tried to cross the dotted line that strained to keep you and him from growing any closer. Similarly, it was the reason the silence remained between the two of you as Idia pondered all of the oddities that were your relationship with him.
Because you supported him. Embracing him in your arms like he was weightless, rather than the way he knew he had to be a chain tangling itself around your ankles, threatening to trip you up and drag you down.
But you didn’t let him sink, and you didn't get pulled down by him.
It was like you were a hero in some tropey anime. Willing to plunge into the very deepest of sorrows and pull him out. Never fearing the chances of drowning in the deep darkness of his curses, but also not shunning the light that revealed all. Good and bad.
Or if you did fear it, you didn’t let that fear hold you back. And perhaps that thought was even more alarming. Because that meant you cared about him enough to not let fear hold you back.
Either way, you seemed to just accept both his good and bad traits. Taking it all on with a smile not unlike the one you’d worn when you’d first forced your way into his life.
You’d shrugged off his moody words and met his gaze with your smiling one, “Nobody’s perfect, and it’s not like you’re the only guy at NRC who has overblotted or has caused me problems.”
You were definitely still a strange one, but Idia could no longer view that strangeness as bad. How could he when you could somehow look at the chains that surrounded him, binding him to his curses and doing their best to condemn him and those he chose to tie himself to, and smile in the face of it all?
But as frustrating as your strange but oddly charming weirdness was, it made him want to do better.
To support you just like how you supported him. To let you know that even in this world that was not your own, you weren’t alone.
If you could willingly walk into that never-ending light that constantly showed his every weakness to the entire, unforgiving, and uncaring world, then he would hide you in the darkness and carry you when it hurt too much.
Because he knew it hurt, even if you hid it well with that smile that only seemed to truly fail you when you were facing an overblot or when the mention of your home came up.
Even if you were strong enough to carry him and all his curses, Idia knew it hurt and that the nights were long for you.
In fact, it was obvious to him.
Because that weight you carried was why, even after having made friends and forged yourself a family, you still sought your own world. And he recognized that weight’s presence. How could he not when he was all too familiar with carrying a burden all his own?
But you would never be too heavy for him. Not when he was used to carrying the weight of his own curses.
He could carry you, and you would never drag him down. In fact, he doubted your feet would ever even touch the ground. Because, just like how the weight of you leaning against him was more of a comfort than a burden, he knew that, if it was you, he could carry any weight.
#Twisted Wonderland Imagines#Idia x reader#Twisted Wonderland x reader#gender-neutral reader#sfw#Idia Shroud#idia shroud x reader#twst#Twisted Wonderland#spoilers for Ignihyde chapter#Spoilers for book 6#book 6 spoilers#mywritings#it-happened-one-fic#fluff#fluff with angst#comfort#angst with comfort#romance implied#Idia x you#Idia x y/n#reader is prefect#Twisted wonderland x you#twisted wonderland x y/n#twst x reader#twst x y/n#twst x you#fanfiction#Disney TW#Disney twst
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Problematic and Bigoted Pagan Authors (and how to avoid them)
After what was pretty much a mess in a discord server I'm in over an author posting artwork containing Nazi symbols, I decided to make a post letting everyone know about certain authors and what to look out for. I will keep updating this list as I discover things!
Big thanks to @dvudushnydiaries for letting me know ab some Slavic Polytheist authors, as well as my friend Agnes for letting me know about some Irish Polytheist Authors too! <3
If you have any suggestions to add to this list, please let me know!!!
🛑 = Avoid as much as possible
⚠️ = Be very cautious around this author
Generally, here is some red flags to look out for:
Use of symbols associated with hate groups
Claims an (open culture) is closed via ethnicity, especially if these cultures or religions historically shared with other cultures.
Claims there is a "true" or "pure" version of a certain open religion.
Use of dogwhistles.
Writes historical inaccuracies, misinformation, appropriation, making up things and presenting them as fact, etc.
Refusal to take accountability for actions.
Any form of bigotry or discrimination
The list is under the cut!
Hellenic Polytheist Authors
🛑 Timothy Jay Alexander
creator of the "Pillars of Hellenismos", which have little historical basis.
Made homophobic and ableist remarks in a blog post, essentially saying that because ancient Greece did not allow same-sex marriage, that modern Hellenic Polytheists shouldn't too. In this same post he said that marriage should be for making a family, and that since LGBTQ+ people, as well as people with "physical deformities" either can not or should not have children, they cannot marry according to him.
The same ableist remarks listed above were used as reasoning as to why a disabled person shouldn't become a priest or priestess or any higher up positions due to not being in good health. This also reminds me of eugenics.
In that same blog post, referenced a group called YSEE, which is notorious for being homophobic, xenophobic, displaying nationalism among other things better explained in this post by @hellenic-reconstructionism
Books include: A Beginner’s Guide to Hellenismos - Hellenismos Today - The Gods of Reason: An Authentic Theology for Modern Hellenismos
🛑 Galina Krasskova
Numerous things have happened with this author, some of the most notable being selling "Bacchic Lives Matter" pins on Etsy during the 2020 Black Lives Matter movement protests, as well as defending a neo-nazi and fascist group, AFA, on a blog post
Some of her Hellenic Polytheist books include: Honoring the Mothers: Novenas to the Mothers of Our Gods and Heroes - Combatting the Evil Eye - Unto Herself: A Devotional Anthology for Independent Goddesses - Out of Arcadia: A Devotional Anthology in Honor of Pan - Guardian of the Road: A Devotional Anthology in Honor of Hermes
See Norse Polytheist section for her books on that.
🛑 Edward P. Butler
Supports Hindutva, which is Hindu fascism, antisemitic, as well as defends and supports Galina Krasskova.
Books include: Essays on a Polytheistic Philosophy of Religion - Essays on Hellenic Theology.
🛑 H. Jeremiah Lewis / Sannion
Neo-nazi, having nazi symbols on his blog. Also transphobic, islamophobic, and everything under the sun, really.
Books include: Ecstatic: For Dionysos - End to End - Everything Dances: Strange Spirits 3 - Gods and Mortals: New Stories of Hellenic Polytheism
Norse Polytheist Authors
🛑 Galina Krasskova
See Hellenic Polytheist section for details.
Her Norse Polytheist books include: Living Runes; Theory and Practice of Norse Divination - Northern Tradition for the Solitary Practitioner - Neolithic Shamanism; Spirit Work in the Norse Tradition
Irish Polytheist Authors
⚠️ Lora O'Brien
Has a cultish following, thier followers and even themselves bullying and publicly shaming other Irish Polytheists. Often acts negatively towards the Irish diaspora. Has taught Irish Catholic practices, which are closed.
Runs the Irish Pagan School, which has similar rhetoric.
Books include: Irish Witchcraft from an Irish Witch - A Practical Guide to Pagan Priesthood
Slavic Polytheist Authors
🛑 Patricia Woodruff
Has a cultish following, often writes wildly inaccurate information. In a recent book she had completely made up a deity whose name means "swastika". Rated her own books on Goodreads, and publicly responded to any reviews criticizing her books.
Books include: Woodruff's Guide to Slavic Deities - Roots of Slavic Magic Book 1: Slavic Deities & Their Worship
🛑 Madame Pamita
Recently had a (now-deleted) post with an artwork containing various Nazi symbols, and deleted any criticism and seemingly refused to take any accountability. In DM's had repeatedly alluded to if you didn't follow her you "didn't know anything about Slavic Polytheism". Said to be friends with Patricia Woodruff
Books include: The Book of Candle Magic, Baba Yaga's Book of Witchcraft
🛑 Dmitriy Kushnir
Writes about Rodnovery, which many Rodnovery groups in the US and other countries often have ethnonationalist and right-wing connotations and ideology.
Books include: Rodnover
⚠️ Natasha Helvin
Misconstrues Slavic culture to be Wiccan
Says witchcraft are the "universal laws of nature" and that subjects of karma and divine judgement are solely monotheistic.
Claims to be an initiated Haitian Vodou priestess, which is doubtful.
Kemetic Polytheist Authors
⚠️ E. A Wallis Budge
Inaccurate translations of texts
Books include: The Egyptian Book of the Dead (Translation)
#hellenic pagan#hellenic polytheism#psa#pagan#irish polytheism#slavic polytheism#kemetic polytheism#norse polytheism
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Heyyy hey! I got a strange idea so... I saw you mentioned you're interested in kpop, so I thought if you can write a fic w paper kissing game idols used to play like 4-5 years ago?? lol in case you don't know they're grabbing a piece of paper w their mouths and trying to pass it to one another using their mouth only... i hope i make sense :D how about writing it w your faves?
(✿ᴗ ᴗ)마지막 인사 To My First ❤︎ summary : paper kiss game! (where the paper drops) ❤︎ tags : gn reader, fluff, vdc/sdc mentions (thus book 5 spoilers) ❤︎ chatacters : vil, azul, idia, malleus ❤︎ author's note : in case you have no idea what the paper passing game is about, see this one video with seventeen! also see the end of the post for more ^^
Ah, seriously. What was the point in sitting here when the winner was already announced. You were more than enraged, blood almost boiling in your vessels at how unfair all this was. Seriously, a little childish song, even though it was cute and adorable and all that sweet fluffy rainbow-unicorned stuff — now that, that was considered as something worthy of first place? Ha!
In any case, you watched the out-of-competition part of the event going smoothly, you didn't even blink while Ace and Deuce were hissing like two cats who didn’t get their milk and were giving death stares at the jury section, as if trying to scratch them by their glares.
It was okay. It was a literal shame, and even if you hadn’t taken part in the competition, you know just how painful it is when your best efforts aren’t paying off. And while you were lamenting over the second place, that awfully catchy song still going on repeat in your mind, you realized that members of the Light Music Club actually made their way to the stage.
“Hey guys! Before we start our performance, let us demonstrate to you a little game we’ve discovered not so long ago!”
You furrowed your brows, blurry memories suddenly popping up in your mind. You recall Cater asking what kind of games were popular in your world and now this…
“Let us introduce to you a Paper Kiss Game~” Lilia winked, piquing the audience's interest and giving you a stare only you could understand.
You were seated at Vil’s left and you felt how he bend down to you, leaning closer to your ear and asking whether took you a hand in the matter or not, but you just only tried to reassure him with a wry smile, realizing that now you may actual have your stage debut out of nowhere.
“Participants will be chosen randomly!~ Please log in into the VDC app and click on…”
As Kalim was explaining what to do, you already sighed, realizing your defeat. No way you are not going to take part in their antics when you were the one who told them about this game. As expected, the status in your app was saying you’re the participant.
“Alright, our dear participants, please come to the stage~”
You gave Cater a warning glare, but he just laughed it off. There were not so many people, and mentally you were thanking all the Great Sevens at once for standing near familiar people. It would be extremely embarrassing to pass a piece of paper to Neige… Not only embarrassing, maybe you wouldn’t restrain your anger and put his shitty piece of paper to—
Ahem.
“Okay guys, remember if you drop the paper, you should start over from the very first person in a row! Then… let’s start!”
─ ⊹ VIL SCHOENHEIT ♡₊
How smart of Cater was it to make you the person from whom the game starts.
You had two things in your mind at the very moment: first — to damn never let the paper drop so you won’t ruin Vil’s reputation and at least a pretty decent trustworthy attitude you managed to build somehow, and the second — to do it as quickly as possible.
Vil, stunning as always, shining brighter than any sun, both your world’s and twisted wonderland’s one, was wearing his insanely high heels, so after grabbing a red piece of paper you tugged on his sleeve, making him bend over to you. You opened your mouth just enough for it to successfully grab the paper, and basically plastered it to your lips.
Vil seemed absolutely unfazed by your not so beautiful behavior and picked up the paper from your lips in an elegant way, then passed it over to the next person, demonstrating the flawless and gorgeous demeanor he always had. You showed him thumbs up, appreciating his work. Maybe they train actors and models to do anything spectacularly well in any situation?
Suddenly you saw Neige stuttering and stumbling, so you facepalmed at his clumsiness, eagerly grabbing the next piece of the paper from Lilia who stood beside you, seeming especially amused at your reaction.
You thought it would be okay this time too, at least you knew Vil’s gonna save you if anything, but somehow you haven’t considered he was too… swayed by something.
The way your eyes were glimmering with an unfeigned joy got him startled for a mere second. You were clearly having fun, enjoying a peaceful time after so many things happened. Those were the moments you were absolutely beautiful.
He pressed his lips to yours, thinking he caught the paper, but somehow it wasn’t so rough and scratchy as it was during his first attempt. He glared at you, noticing how your cheeks were slowly dusting with a scarlet hue, and you quickly pulled back, avoiding meeting his glance.
“Oh my!~ What a predicament~”
You thought you heard Lilia encouraging the audience to give their best reactions, people definitely were crying and swearing at you for kissing THE Vil Schoenheit, and it seemed the others were demanding you to continue, but at the very moment it was only you and Vil enjoying your little moment.
“Potato,” you finally looked up at him. “Let’s continue.”
“A-ah, yes!”
You remember almost nothing after winning the game, if there even was a winner at all. You made your way to the backstage, trying to calm down your extremely fastly beating heart, but was startled when someone also came in.
“Potato, I thought you learned something from the lessons I gave another potatoes during our rehearsals. Don’t be embarrassed of yourself. And also…”
He leaned to you, gently caressing your cheek.
“When I suggested we continue I didn’t mean the game.”
─ ⊹ AZUL ASHENGROTTO ♡₊
That was absolutely awful. Not only you had to grab a paper from Vil, you had also pass it over to Azul.
As for Vil, everything was quite okay. He was an actor, he played in kissing scenes before, it’s like breathing to him, this kind of entertainment was his second skin. The only problem remained was you and Azul right there.
You quickly turned to your ashen-haired friend, slightly tilting your head and apologizing beforehand.
Little did you know that Azul was going crazy at the spot, a kaleidoscope of different emotions scrolled through him, making it almost unbearable to just stand straight. He was sure the twins were filming him, he noticed Floyd making some sort of a fancam of him (you taught the octatrio this word).
Vil turned to you, bending over and passing you the paper successfully, so you grabbed Azul’s hand, pulling him closer. His glasses slipped off the bridge of his nose at the sudden movement. He was too preoccupied with trying to actually see how you are holding the paper with your mouth, his vision all blurry and vague, so he realized he lost his concentration.
Was there any in the first place? He was actually swayed by your assertiveness. Being lovestruck to the point of mistaking your confusion and embarrassment for happiness, glimmering in the corners of your eyes — he was so hopeless. Hopelessly in love with you.
So he completely forgot he had a game to complete. Well, at least to attempt winning.
You mumbled something incoherently due to the paper you were still holding with your lips, at least for you it sounded like a perfect interpretation of his name under the conditions you were trapped in, and well, you did sound menacing for a reason.
Azul finally came to his senses (at least he thought he did) and grabbed your hand in response, leaning closer and deciding to pull off all the luck he got. He couldn’t mistake the paper texture and your lips. Even if he couldn’t see a damn thing, he still had heightened senses.
Well, extraordinarily heightened senses, it seemed.
You felt how the paper slipped away, as well as Azul’s glasses falling off completely and landing on the tip of your nose with a dull thud. You muttered through his lips and pulled away quickly. This was absolutely embarrassing and you were sure Azul was going to make you pay off for causing such an unprofitable situation and—
Ah, yeah, you still had a game to restart.
You saw Vil sighing at you two and grabbing another piece of paper from Lilia’s hands. Even though your cheeks were still hot after the accident kiss, Vil wouldn’t fancy the idea of restarting the game three times in a row, so he somehow made you catch the paper successfully and demanded to do better this time. Now you gently pulled Azul closer, tilting your head, while he made sure his glasses were on their right place, and nearly kissed him, finally passing the paper. You were even astonished at how easily Azul managed after you, not even looking at Idia who was next.
Meanwhile Floyd somewhere in the crowd was having his fanboy moment and claiming this fancam of Azul will go viral, a total banger.
─ ⊹ IDIA SHROUD ♡₊
THIS IS THE DISASTER.
He freaked out instantly on the spot when he got a notification he was that lucky he got included as a participant. He wasn’t even intending on watching the show in person, he was an Ignihyde dorm leader for a good damn reason, why have 4K displays if not using them at all?
Ortho.
Of course it’s always his cheerful, proactive brother. Ortho said it would be nice to see his classmates’ performance, and also the whole world is simping for Neige LeBlanche, maybe he could do a collab with Gakemo someday, it was definitely worth witnessing in person!!
He didn’t care about Neige or anything at all, he just wanted to make sure everything was going okay with the techs and displays, his flesh and blood in his comfy room drown in darkness.
And somehow here he was, standing on the stage next to the extremely popular and illegally charming Ramshackle prefect by his right and the almighty Malleus Draconia at his left.
It was a nightmare. The worst of them, apparently, as he trembled just by standing near the Prefect. He was surrounded by the two people everyone always spoke of. He, a proud introvert, geek and a shut-in, being sandwiched between the Prefect he kinda had a crush on and Malleus Draconia he was avoiding as a plague.
You, on the other hand, knew damn well how anxious Idia must be. Not to be greedy about winning the game quickly, but you genuinely cared for Idia, so while Vil was trying to pass the paper to Azul, you pulled up on your toes and reached for Idia’s ear.
“Just imagine me as anything you’re comfortable with. I hope that would suffice..”
Idia wanted to ramble to you how ridiculous you were sounding, but Azul grabbed your hand, passing you the paper, so you were already preoccupied with another task.
Okay. Really, alright, he was imagining a cork board instead of you, trying to mentally replace your lips with pins, sticking down the paper notes to the board. Huh, like hell this would work!!
You throw a thumbs-up at him before grabbing his hands and making him bend down to you. To give you the credit, you really did manage to pass the paper over to him, but just for a moment you thought you heard a crackling sound somewhere near you.
Indeed, when Idia pulled away from you, you saw him… biting the paper through. You didn’t even know whether it was you, completely at the loss of words, or Idia, silently hissing and cursing, who actually lost, but in any case both of you heard Kalim claiming it was cheating.
NO, PLEASE NOT AGAIN, Idia begged for someone, but here you were, passing over another piece of paper to him. His flickering hair went from a little pinkish hues to more reddish ones, getting far brighter.
Now it was the wind that took the paper away from your lips. The third time it was you who stumbled on the previous two papers, an unexpected pile of them forming under your feet. The fourth time Idia was going to leave, his hair flaming with an amaranth red, almost spreading a fire hazard all over the place.
The fifth time though you’ve had enough.
“Shit, if I’m destined to kiss you right now, then so be it,” Idia watched you in pure horror, glaring at the exit of the stage and thinking when he should start running. “Idia!”
“H-huh!?” he startled, glancing at you quickly and averting his gaze almost instantly after.
“Can I kiss you!?”
“Y-yes?? WHAT??”
Idia remembered being drugged to his dorm by Ortho and losing the game for the first time in his life.
But hey, was it a loss though?
─ ⊹ MALLEUS DRACONIA ♡₊
What the name of the game was again?..
Malleus just stared at you standing at his right, having that little LeBlanche boy whose team won the VDC at his left. Yes, such an unfortunate situation… Maybe Schoenheit should have let you participate. Malleus knew best how pleasant your voice sounds when you’re humming something to yourself only, while cleaning up the garden. Or how nimble and brisk you can be whenever Lilia pops up in front of you, hanging upside down, and you dodge him flawlessly.
In any case, he was so preoccupied with the thoughts of you he actually skipped the part where he wanted to observe others in order to get the main idea of this game.
Somehow you weren't nervous about passing the paper over to Malleus. Even if the game was ridiculous, you were enjoying the thought of having Malleus on stage. All eyes on him, and he was so gorgeous and lovely!!
You knew it was surprising for many people to see the legendary Malleus Draconia in all his glory and magnificence. Even more surprising to see him participating in this game like an ordinary college student.
When Malleus made his way to the stage, he thought that playing a little games accustomed to human beings would show his other, more gentle side.
The key word, he only thought. There was no point in taking a guess how this game would end if you weren't the one standing beside him, your absolutely pristine presence calming him down and filling his heart with an indescribable heartwarming feeling. The way you flashed a reassuring smile at him before the game started made him return this smile, causing you to blush.
And yet something pricked his chest when he saw you touching Idia, almost being really intimate (if grabbing his hands and yelling you two need to finish this quickly and stay thankful you two aren’t passing the paper over to Neige considered as intimacy?..). Were you just kissing at this point? Right in front of him, after all the obviously romantically-linked words you've said?
No, no. You wouldn’t betray his trust and he knows that truly. Then… maybe that was some kind of a strange encouragement between humans, so they feel energized enough to complete the game after? Yes, it seemed this way. He wanted Lilia to explain the rules again better, since he shamelessly skipped the first one time, being busy staring at your cheerful smile.
Suddenly you turned to him with a paper covering your mouth and tugged on his sleeve, trying to point out that he needs to lean towards you. Why was a piece of paper covering your mouth again?.. Maybe that was some sort of a ritual, like washing hands before eating or something?.. Why would he kiss you with that when it’s so inconvenient?
He gently took off the paper with his gloved fingers, causing everyone to gasp and you to give him an uncomprehending look. Somehow Lilia wasn’t so quick to restart the game and pass the new piece of paper to Vil, who was standing as the first one in a row.
“Tsunotarou?” You asked, tilting your head, the mention of his nickname causing him to smile at you.
“I shall grant you with my blessing of encouragement, child of man. Please do well during the game.”
His gloved fingers gently traced to your cheeks, and you jumped at the sudden affection, but remained still, wondering what he would do next. He leaned in, pressing a rather deep kiss on your lips and pulling back after smiling through the kiss.
“A-ahem, T-tsunotarou, you see…” you stuttered, clenching his clothes in your hands just to stay steady. “That paper… you needed to pass it over to the next student with your mouth without letting it drop.”
“Oh,” he placed a finger on his own lips, seeming rather perplexed at your words. “I assume my blessing isn’t to your liking then?”
“I absolutely loved that!!” You answered almost instantly, not caring about people's jaws dropping. “Good job, I totally feel like winning now!”
And you actually did win. The heart of your little dragon in the first place, of course.
♡ tag list : @isacoremeow
❤︎ author's note : the caption is the name of the nct dream song ~ omg anon i know this game very well :D thx for requesting i had fun writing it! even tho i had a fever when i was working i believe it turned out good, hope you had fun as well ~ due to the mentioned fever i had no energy left for writing leona's part sry ;; (and maybe revealing my new fave... but i will someday ig)
© yushiiae 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝. 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭, 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐲, 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐲, 𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧.
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I admit I was ignorant on the matter but now that I know more about Israel and its army, I can't help but see the similarities between them and the Shadowhunters/Nephilim. I always wondered how could CC hail a society of child soldiers that forces assimilation or violence on anyone that opposes them as heroes.
And her obsession with European features and how all characters of color are half white and change their last names (super common practice in Israel). They either assimilate to the European/Nephilim culture, or they're demonic beings that want to kill the heroes.
Sarah J Maas too, and her obsessions with imperialism = good! colonization = good!, if I grow bored of ruling I'll go on a colonization spree to bring culture to savage people! (Idk if you've read her books)
I'm jewish but I grew up in a mixed family (of ethnicities and religions) and my jewish mom is an atheist who taught me Zionism is a racist, fascist ideology so I always avoided Israel like the plague. I regret staying ignorant for so long and not educating myself sooner. Now that I have, I see works by Jewish authors in a different light. And it makes me nauseous 🤢
During the early years of the series publication Clare’s biases were especially well out there, pretty implicit in her writing. There was the mess with the “I think” post, her favoritism of specific appearances (that to this day apply!), the favoritism of the Nephilim in general—the whole character of Jace Herondale himself! It’s not at all unfounded idea that what you said could be true. The same themes certainly are present in her works.
(I haven’t read anything from Sarah J Maas, but I’ll take your word for it.)
The whole series pretty much—including the child soldiers—romanticizes war. The true and heavy losses are not focused on (Max, anyone?), are brushed aside if they do not serve the anguish of a main character, death in battle is trivial if it is either the nameless/minor characters or the bad guys dying. But it could be a more general problem with young adult literature as well, not excluding that.
It’s rather unfortunate for Clare’s actual and true fans that she remains silent. I haven’t seen or found any statement from her. One TikTok commenter said that they needed her “to be one of the good ones.” It’s sad that her supporters who pour their heart, love, time, and money (!!!) into her and her works have to teeter on the edge of uncertainty because she is saying nothing. Clever really, being silent as if trying to play both sides in order not to alienate or lose either side of her fan base (and I don’t even know what other people) as if people will forever be satisfied with not making a stand of any kind.
Clare is a New York Times best-selling author, multiple times over, she has a platform. She has the platform to amplify the voices in Gaza, to condemn the action of IDF, even as little as to show support for the innocent civilians suffering in inhumane conditions, but it seems there’s nothing. I obviously can’t say what she could be doing that is not public, but if you’re doing charity or giving aid to the people—a big if since what do I know what she really thinks or does—it’s still strange that you wouldn’t share that at all.
Don’t be too hard on yourself and shame yourself for not knowing sooner or not knowing better earlier. There’s ton of things around us—media most of all—that might affect the amount of information people even receive about this, or any issues around the world. A lot of people, including myself, learn more and more over time, and the point is learning and becoming more aware of the absolute tragedy and horror that is happening in Palestine and has been happening for decades already.
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You are getting eaten uppp on the AO3 sub for that fic anti-rec list jsyk. Probably because it’s incredibly weird and mean behavior. Be blessed
No one “hates you” but someone posted your anti-rec list thing on the AO3 sub and people are (rightfully) saying it’s a weird thing to do that shows zero awareness of fic etiquette or like, being a normal person. Just strange. Like you want people to trigger tag *fruit* but are comfortable saying all this shit about authors (not just the fics themselves… the regular-ass people who write them)… weird and strange behavior
I was so excited to receive this ask until it was clarified that nobody actually hates me :( exciting news either way. is this reddit? were you on the ao3 REDDIT? good fucking luck on there anon I cannot imagine subjecting myself to that. also it's not a trigger tag and it's really bizarre that you bring that up at all when it has absolutely nothing to do with the actual conversation here
let's start. you're placing a heavy amount of moral weight on 'weirdness' while (I think?) also recognizing that it's inherently an amoral quality. and it is - but that criticism doesn't really mean anything to me. I've never been a 'normal person,' and idk what you mean by that. normal by who's standards? people who frequent ao3? let's say I am an out-of-touch meanie who doesn't understand 'fic etiquette'. based on the fact that it's ao3 fans, I can only assume it's people who are cool with ao3 hosting slave AUs and explicit child/adult content. and I'm really going to pretend like I care about their standards of conduct? oh no, the people who say 'your kink isn't my kink' about rape porn think I'm being mean to them! whatever shall I do! trust ao3 fans to consider legitimate critique a breach of etiquette but not...idk, incest porn. sure, I'm making assumptions but I am well-acquainted with the culture of that site lmao so am I wrong?
like, the meat of this ask is just so hung up on 'normality', which is not a very useful metric for moral behavior or critique and I'm not sure what you want me to do with it. I do many harmless abnormal things, and there are many 'normal' things that cause great harm. like, what does a normal person do according to ao3 fans? do they read cp? do you consider that normal behavior? is that harmless? does reading cp, or turning a blind eye to it, adhere to this precious fic etiquette? should I conform? should I be polite and sit quietly while the community I'm in runs wild with abuse apologism and bioessentialist nonsense? I recognize this is not what your ask was about, but you're asking me to compare my behavior to what ao3 fans think is acceptable, and I went through the entire tag last year so I KNOW what kind of things they like. I just don't think I can extend the benefit of the doubt to this place I've never heard of until today but which sounds a bleak and wretched place
anyway I am autistic and I don't mind being weird, and idk why you're so fixated on that as a value judgement or a way to shame me. you have to understand how little I value the moral standards of the average ao3 fan or the 'normal' signifier.
on to your next grievance - my critiques of the authors as people. I just read through my entire list and I am extremely specific and detailed about why I hated those works, going into poor characterization and soulless, boring writing. I specify if the works are confusing, infantalizing, bioessentialist, out of character, nonsensical, overwrought, passionless, disrespectful, insensitive, boring, poorly researched, misogynistic. is it really unfair to extrapolate from racist writing or an unwillingness to self-educate that the writer has racist ideas, and that might bleed out into their behavior and actions in the real world? that someone who writes an AU that doesn't make sense for the character didn't understand the characters' journey? that someone who writes a nonsensical story doesn't know what they're doing? that's just drawing conclusions based on what the writers themselves have already posted. that's entirely within the scope of a reader and any argument to the contrary is both absolutely absurd and an insult to the intelligence of literally any reader, of anything
but on that page I barely talk about the people who wrote them. except for the author who was white? because I know she's white, I looked her up and I think her writing of Chinese characters is really awkward and bad. I've also called a few writers racist idiots, but their fics were really poorly written, and the other one got mad when being corrected on cultural inaccuracies, so I mean. is that a stretch? like, maybe, but it is really unfair? I think no. it's not even that personal of an attack. but by and large I don't even care about the authors, and I don't know why you're getting so defensive of them when I'm simply judging their work and not them as people.
no matter how much of a fun hobby anyone claims fanfic is, it's not a form of media uniquely exempt from criticism. and I don't think it's healthy for any writers to take criticism of their work so personally. that's something for them to take responsibility for if they're going to post their stuff on the internet, and by extension readers need to be okay with that too.
also I gave them all gold stars...ao3 girlies can't appreciate a passionate and thoughtful critique smh.
back to my tag request, which is something that makes my personal blog usable for me - trying to act like an unusual tag request is the same as making assumptions about people based on what they write and post publicly is both unfair and really shitty of you, anon. is my 'weird' request really as bad as calling someone a misogynist for writing something sexist? I DO judge people for what they decide to publicly put into the world, and rightfully so. people have a responsibility for their creations. meanwhile there is absolutely no reason to judge me for my tagging requests no matter how strange they seem to you, because they're absolutely harmless. this isn't hypocrisy and I don't understand why you seem to think it is.
and I don't go out of my way to be an asshole - if someone's first language isn't english or if they're clearly not an experienced writer, I'm not going to be a dick about it. I mean, I try. I barely have over 100 followers. the anti-rec page is hard to get to, and notposted anywhere but my blog. I have never harassed anyone, or encouraged harassment. I don't even comment negative reviews. I purposefully didn't tags the recs when they were posts because I didn't want people finding them, and I don't even talk about my interests on other websites, much less spread my rec list around. this is purely a personal project I did for fun while under one of the most stressful times of my life to share with my online friends, and I don't regret it. I had a blast. this is nothing I wouldn't post on my blog or talk about with my friends anyway. I don't mind being criticized for it, since it's public too. I just don't feel bad about it either nor do I feel like apologizing or taking down the page.
so yeah idk what you expected from me but I don't really give a shit that a bunch of fanfic readers are mad at me for having standards. you (general you) simply cannot expect to publish something on a public website with a massive fandom and then whine when a random stranger on the internet dares criticizes you. one of these writers is a published author! if she's one of the people upset - learn to take some criticism! maybe it'll improve her writing! and I'm hardly posting on the front page of a major website here, I don't even know how that sub found my list because I don't really post about it on here either unless specifically asked about it
anyway this ask got me to go back and read that page again and I had such a good time revisiting it that I'm linking it. so hi everyone read my anti-rec list it's genuinely so funny and I'm very proud of it and it's actually quite well-thought out so yeah i'm not ashamed or embarrassed but thanks for letting me know as this is kind of fun news and brightened up the day
ALSO I feel like there's so much focus on the anti-rec page when I have a lovingly crafted and THEMED rec list right there split into equal sections, all carefully and appropriately titled with summaries, ratings, trigger warnings...I'm very proud of my rec list most of all. in fact, the anti-rec list was the wild child I tacked on at the end for a laugh when I really needed to complain
bascially tho I'm a complete stranger who put like six fanfics on a list and talked about them because I didn't like them so idk why everyone's freaking out. well knowing ao3's allergies to the slightest criticism I guess I do know why, but it IS deeply unserious. anon. pretend I'm looking you right in the eye. you know this. I don't need to be blessed. it is deeply unserious. it's going to be fine.
#well that was fun#but as my beloved mutual said. WHO CARESSS#I say this after writing like 15 paragraphs. but that's just bc I like to get the last word in#Anonymous#asks#incest tw#rape tw#csa tw
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DECEMBER 2023 WRAP UP
[loved liked ok no thanks (reread) book club*]
Mixed Magics • Chalice • To Shape a Dragon's Breath • The Haunting Season • Hither Page • The Henchmen of Zenda • System Collapse • The Phantom of the Opera • An Unexpected Peril • A Minor Chorus* • The September House • (The Dream Thieves) • The Fragile Threads of Power • The Pinhoe Egg • (Network Effect) • Some Desperate Glory
total: 16 (audiobook: 12 / ebook: 4)
Happy New Year booklr! Here's to actually getting my last monthly wrap-up post of 2023 out in decent time for once.
Some Desperate Glory - I'm getting myself off to a bad start here because I don't actually remember much from the book and I didn't write a review at the time. oops. But I do remember that once things got going I was hooked, and I couldn't wait to pick the audiobook back up. Definitely some content warnings to look out for, but an incredible read. I definitely need to go back and check out the author's other work.
Network Effect - the last book of my Murderbot reread, still great, glad to have finally read this in a text format! Also better suited to be read *after* Fugitive Telemetry, I wish I'd known to read them in chronological order the first time.
The Pinhoe Egg - a nice wrap up to the main Chrestomanci series! Though if anyone can tell me why on eARTH the 'recommended' reading order is like *that*, please explain it to me. I'd forgotten so many things by the time we got back to Cat, if I ever reread I'm going chronologically.
The Fragile Threads of Power - lord help me, I could do a whole rant. A quick summary of my relationship to this series: loved Shades of Magic when it first came out, did not love/was very annoyed by most of it when I reread them in 2023. Also have not really liked any of Schwab's other work. BUT. I was under the impression that this spinoff would have new main characters, and the old ones would be present but not in the center. If I didn't just make this up, it was LIES. The original MC's still dominate probably at least 60% of the book, and you'd think 7 years in-book and more experience on behalf of the writer would mature them, but a) no, and b) so many goddamn flashbacks. And Kel's assasin-sona was so cringe I wanted to cry. I did actually like the new main character which really is the biggest shame of all. If you see me contemplating the next book please stop me.
The Dream Thieves - I don't know that I have much to add yet to my thoughts about TRB in my Nov post, but I've been having a very strange experience where when I'm actively reading these, I'm having an incredibly good time; when I'm not I completely forget I was reading it. lol?
The September House - this is possibly the closest to my ideal horror book that I've ever found??!!? I have a weird relationship with horror, wherein I am not uninterested, but I almost never enjoy the ones I read (I think it has to do with my irl anxiety, idk). But THIS one. It's such an INCREDIBLE blend of like, mundane horrors and dark humor? I loved it. The "you can live with the horrors if you just follow the rules" is very much my vibe, and the way the author chose to have it integrate with the main character's experiences of domestic abuse was very smart. Deeply enjoyed, but probably won't be a favorite.
A Minor Chorus - this month's book club pick! I really really wish I'd liked this, and I'm torn between "thank god it was short," and "oh I wish this was longer." It's about a queer Indigenous doctoral student in Canada who's somewhat lost his way on his dissertation and is instead writing a novel (maybe), inspired by the stories of people in his community. On one hand, the writing was sometimes very beautiful and the different stories were interesting! On the other, my academic-speak abilities are limited, and the narrator did not hold back. He even explicitly states at one point, oh I can't describe my book this way to [character] because he won't understand my academic language. And...yeah. My brain got a little overwhelmed and I skimmed a lot of those parts. The hopeful part of me thinks if that if the book had been longer maybe I would have had time to "get it," but idk.
An Unexpected Peril - Veronica Speedwell is as Veronica Speedwell does. Had a good time with this even though it's proving to not be the most memorable. Mostly I remember intensely panicking over whether or not V had practiced forging the princess's signature, lol.
The Phantom of the Opera - this was a last minute sub for my classics challenge; I've never seen any of the adaptations, but I happened to see the book on tumblr when I was scrambling for a replacement and thought it might be fun. And it was! Quite ridiculous and dramatic, and I had a good time reading it. I was surprised by the outsider POV on the story, but it was good, just a shame that it didn't allow Christine to tell her own story. If anyone has a Christine-centered retelling I should read, let me know! And are there any adaptations I should watch?
System Collapse - new Murderbot! I was so excited for this, I'm irritated that my brain and work schedule didn't want to cooperate and let me read my nice pretty hardcover; I ended up getting the audiobook from the library instead. I had an incredible time, because it's Murderbot, how could I not? But it's also interesting, because Network Effect felt quite cohesive and contained on its own, but this feels very much like an in-between story (almost like Fugitive Telemetry), rather than a continuation of the same thread. I'll be interested to see where Martha takes us from here.
The Henchmen of Zenda - my last KJ Charles of the year! I did mean to get through all of her books, but things slipped by me these last few months so I still have a couple, but managed to fit this standalone in! It's not the only time she's pulled characters from works of classic fiction, and I admit, I'm now very curious and kind of want to read the original Prisoner of Zenda? Definitely this version had an exciting plot that was fun to read, though I don't think it'll be my favorite of her works (yay for a non-traditional relationship structure tho :)
Hither, Page - I don't think I've read Cat Sebastian before, but I've had this one recommended and it sounds right up my ally - historical/cozy myster/spy shenanigans/gay romance! And it was an incredibly pleasant read, would recommend, but I do think it could have been better as both a mystery and a romance.
The Haunting Season - I almost picked this up in October for spooky season, but put if off for Dec since it's meant to be wintery ghost stories - and only just remembered it in time! I almost wish I hadn't. The first two stories were so meh for me that I almost DNF'd it, I just didn't want the fuss of having to find a new audiobook for work the last day before Christmas break. Luckily Natasha Pulley showed up next with a good story (I really ought to read her books) and there was a good run of 4 stories with another 2 meh to round things out. It wasn't a total loss, but I wouldn't really recommend.
To Shape a Dragon's Breath - If you've seen people singing the praises of this book, they're not wrong! It's a very good if sometimes heavy read, and this is definitely the closest I've gotten to liking a boarding school story since Protector of the Small (I got burned out on them very quickly, lol). It does sometimes read like the debut it is, it's not perfect (lots of infodump speeches, lord save me from the technicalities of alchemy/chemistry, and I would have liked to see more done in her relationship with her dragon), but it's also doing some incredible and unique things that really make me want to see more books in this series and whatever else the author writes.
Chalice - I've read Robin Mckinley before and I've found her work ok, but this one has been repeatedly recommended in the HOTE discord server - I figured it would be a good one to wrap up the year with! And surprise surprise, the fealty-coded discord loves a book about... fealty XD and good stewardship, and magic bees, etc. It's incredibly on brand, and I had a lovely time with this fairy-tale of a book.
Mixed Magics - a collection of Chrestomanci short stories; I actually read one of the stories a few months ago due to the recommended reading order (bleh), and thought it would be fairly simple to finish it off before the end of the year, now that I'd finished the rest of the series. All fun, if not equally interesting, and a nice end to the year. Now I just need to find a new Diana Wynne Jones series to try (not on audiobook, alas, my library is all out of those).
(I did almost consider then binging the Hither, Page sequel on new year's eve, just so I wouldn't split the series, but decided against it :D)
#bec posts#book log#2023#wrap up 2023#books#booklr#book review#chrestomanci#murderbot#diana wynne jones#some desperate glory#threads of power#the september house#chalice#robin mckinley#to shape a dragon's breath#the haunting season#hither page#the henchmen of zenda#the phantom of the opera#veronica speedwell#a minor chorus#the dream thieves
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Shameless fanfic self-promo
High-key this is 85% the story of me torturing the Regency and Victorian era people that I love. AO3 author name is fabalafae22, and links are written out for copy-pasting into your browser because my works are private. I am currently writing for Bridgerton and Phantom of the Opera. Most stories are set within/around the canon time periods and may be influenced by the original books (and/or other media for Phantom). Updating this post as I write!
Phantom of the Opera
Erik & The Persian
The Good Daroga NEW! An attempt to uncover the true mystery man of the opera: The Persian, and his strange affairs with a man known as the Phantom.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/59007508/
A Little Bit of R&R (Ritenuto and Robitussin) NEW! Erik has felt a little unwell all week. Unclear why, but a persistent ache in his shoulders, throat, and sinuses tells him something is amiss. For once, he decides to listen to his body's demands and do something about. But Daroga’s way is simply better.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/60346234
Christine Daaé/Erik
Like Death Warmed Over According to one reviewer in L’Époque: While La Daaé’s voice is that of an Angel, some say her pale face and thin, corpse-like figure renders an image not of everlasting Heavenly life, but of solemn Death.
This is an AU in which Christine looks a little more like Erik!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/53828278
Decided, Decided During The Point of No Return, the plot to fell the Phantom is successful. Erik is dead. Shouldn’t Christine be relieved?
https://archiveofourown.org/works/53541406
Bridgerton
Anthony Bridgerton & Family
The Bustle in a House It has been a year since Anthony's father passed. Must he shoulder these new duties, these burdens alone? What happens to a fragile heart under such circumstances? How can he depend on anyone when everyone depends on him?
https://archiveofourown.org/works/47126467
Doing The Voices Gregory isn’t feeling very well, and a bedtime story from Anthony is the perfect antidote.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/47976274
The Morning After Death An unmarried and bereft Anthony Bridgerton is right about his own mortality and dies suddenly at age thirty-eight just like his father. This time, Benedict is left to pick up the pieces.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/50856436
From the blood of the wound, a flower sprang Hyacinth is born.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/48305152
Kathony
To Tell The Truth I started to wonder what would’ve happened if Anthony had told Kate what he told his mother: his true reasons for not pursuing a love match. Told in three versions.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/46747165
Running Toward Running Away Rather than running away from Anthony in the library, with the storm raging outside, Kate runs toward him instead.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/47131885
Overcome After the infamous bee sting incident, Anthony and Kate wish to call on each other.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/46083325
Kathony, Bridgertons, & Anthony Feels
Shrinking Violets NEW! A newly married Kate Bridgerton tries to rediscover herself and her husband amid the stress of living with her in-laws. And, well, to put it bluntly: Anthony living with his mother probably was not the best decision for anyone involved.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/60139399/
For Shame After his failed wedding, Anthony’s shame is eating him alive—for all of his family to see. With the way things are going for Kate, that makes a pair of them. It’s a good thing they have each other…isn’t it?
https://archiveofourown.org/works/51091186
#bridgerton fanfiction#bridgerton fic#anthony bridgerton#kathony#kanthony#bridgerton#poto#phantom of the opera#Erik x Christine#erik x Daroga#Erik x the Persian#phic#phanfic#my fic#.braindump
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I wanted to ask, since you read a lot of erotica and romance, do you have any recs for people interested in plot-heavy erotica? Thanks in advance!
I know how difficult and frustrating it is to see erotica (especially popular erotica!) that's got plotting somewhere between "shoestring" and "incoherent." In fact, there's a couple of semi-popular erotica authors that I gave up trying to read because they basically can ONLY write sex scenes and everything else is an incoherent mess. If feels as though you can really only write a lot of sex OR a lot of plot.
I'm still not getting as much plot as I'd like most of the time, but stuff that has helped me get a FEW tolerable books is:
I, pretty much universally, don't read books under 250 pages. I'm sure there's a lot of pretty good erotica for my ereader that doesn't meet that page count, but I suspect plotting it not its strong point.
Scifi/post apocalyptic/fantasy/paranormal is almost certainly going to have more plot and contemporary is almost certainly going to have less. Fortunately, I like those genres pretty well, so that's not really a hardship for me.
Obviously, mind the trigger warnings and all of that since I am useless for that stuff. Everything links to amazon because that's where I'm buying things, unfortunately. I've picked all of these up either for free or for 99 cents, so if you have time to wait you can get them pretty inexpensively.
Actually billed as erotica, either on Amazon or by author:
Beyond Shame - Kit Rocha
Post-apocalyptic/scifi with a political/gang plot, main pairing is MF but there's plenty of other stuff including MMFF. The religious theocracy part of it was a bit of a tough read this year, all things considered, but I really liked it otherwise. When I get my TBR a little more manageable, I intend to read the rest of the series, which goes on sale fairly often.
2. Initiation: Sex Wizards 1
Fantasy with mostly M/M and M/F but there's a lot of other stuff, too. I don't know that it has quite enough plot to make it onto the list, but I feel like there's enough worldbuilding to make up for it, hopefully.
3. The Rose Contract - Scottie Kaye
Fantasy political thriller with primarily M/F. This one maybe just sneaks onto the list as I'm not quite sure it has enough actual sex scenes to count in my mind, but it's billed as an erotica. These are also shorter than I normally read. I've read the first three books and do intend to read the others at some point.
Technically billed as romance, not erotica
Dark Deception by Sarah Piper
Paranormal vampire romance with substantially more sex than your average vampire romance and substantially more discussions of art history. Main pairing is MF. I bought the next book in the series.
I also have to recommend Emma Holly again for this, which is a copout as I have already recommended Emma Holly to you, but one of the most universal complaints that she got about Strange Attractions and the Hidden series both (both of which I've read and liked) is that she's got so many B and C plots in them that don't pay off because of the length of the book. Strange Attraction's entire haunting/hallucination subplot is pretty notorious for this.
I have a wishlist on amazon that's mostly 'porn with a decent plot' recs that I am desperately watching for sales, and I mostly got the recommendations from this thread, so I am hoping to have read a lot more porn with plot in the next eight months or so, but who knows. My TBR of dead tree books is about 50 books and on my ereader is about 250, so we'll see how fast I get to much of anything.
I debated sitting on this ask for another few days and thinking a little harder, but I didn't want you to think I'd forgotten about you.
#stop b think of the children#I've read other decent stuff but plotting is NOT the strong point#I feel almost bad because if I was willing to spend tons of money on ebooks I feel like I'd have better options for you#But I am not I cannot being myself to spend $10 on an ebook from a series I've never read so here we are
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Heartbeat
Heartbeat
RiverOfTheSand
Summary:
It was a power she'd never imagined: a skill not to be taken lightly. And when Sakura heard his heartbeat through his shirt, she knew this was an opportunity she couldn't pass up. Neji was more nervous in her presence than he let on, and she fully intended on taking advantage of him… uh, that.
Notes:
This is a very strange one-shot that started off a series on ff.net (marked as a multi-chapter because ff.net doesn't do that). Rereading it, it's so cliche but it was meant to be that way. . Cross-posted from fanfiction.net. First chapter in a series. . Original Author's Notes: So… I'm sitting here with my hot chocolate, freezing my arse off (well, not literally) and wondering, where the HELL is my NejiSaku inner fan girl? She went on holiday apparently. I hate being ignored. *sighs* And I'm getting frustrated writing SasuSaku. Both are good enough reasons for a change. I'll get back to it, but right now, it's NejiSaku time. ;) Anyway, my motivation for this series of one-shots is to form all the light hearted NejiSaku ideas rattling around in my head into something cohesive. These one-shots are romance but the second genre is malleable. I won't be putting angst or tragedy on them though: just remember, it's all in good fun. ;) Every updated "chapter" will have its own title and summary anyway. Heads up. :) Read, love, and review! ^_^
Rated T. Read and review. :)
"That is so hot!" Ino Yamanaka squealed loudly. "Do me! Do me!"
There had been a price for everything she loved in her life. She'd endured ridicule to figure out what was the right kind of attention and struggled for years to become the respected Kunoichi she was today. But there was one thing Sakura Haruno had yet to overcome on her chosen path: loud, obnoxious blondes. She rolled her eyes at her best friend and repressed the shudder she always felt coming when Ino got too excited. "Do you have any idea how that sounded, coming out of your mouth?"
They were in a crowded restaurant, enjoying their respective lunch hours, and every ninja and civilian in the area had just stopped what they were doing and turned to stare at them. And with Ino's reputation, Sakura could see their suspicious (and in some cases salivating interest – Genma Shiranui for one) minds musing on the implications of the blonde's words.
"Ino!" She snapped hoarsely, when her friend just ignored the attention she'd brought down on them both. "Keep your voice down."
"Oh, relax forehead." Ino spun around on her chair and addressed the other customers. "I wasn't talking about sex."
'Why am I not surprised people thought that was what she meant? The girl has no shame.'
In all the years she'd known Ino, Sakura had never seen her hold back what she was thinking. She heatedly told her friend to kindly shut her mouth, and once they were done with their lunch, the blonde made her promise to show her the new technique she'd learnt after they were both done for the day. She wasn't really asking, as Ino laced her words with a hidden threat to embarrass Sakura in public with a worse spectacle than she'd just endured.
Ino was very interested in what Sakura had picked up.
It was no big deal really, but it opened up a world of possibilities. She'd first felt it happen while sitting next to Naruto. Her fear and confusion was quickly dismissed when she realised he'd been reacting to the approaching figure of Hinata Hyuuga. His heart rate had increased with every step Hinata took toward them and if she hadn't been fixated on the thrumming of his pulse, not to mention its affect on his chakra system, from a purely medical point of view, Sakura might've gone deaf at the sound. She was glad that the idiot had finally noticed Hinata, but it had taken the pinkette hours to get rid of her headache after that.
Lady Tsunade had been quite interested in Sakura's idea of decreasing diagnosis time by learning how to detect a patient's heart rate before all the instruments could be hooked up to them, or her chakra inserted into their system. Sometimes, though not often really, the invading chakra of a medic can hasten some injuries – especially those connect to the cardiovascular and pulmonary organs (heart, veins, and lungs). On top of that, in the heat of battle, she didn't always have the chakra to waste on a diagnosis. A medic's duty was to stay out of the fight and heal as needed, but it didn't always go according to plan.
It turned from a strange little side project to a weekend of educational fun. Sakura had picked it up rather quickly and experimented on her mentor after a few rounds of sake (not to mention Shizune when the brunette woman was talking to or about Genma Shiranui).
Naruto had been her first test outside of controlled conditions.
'And then I just had to go blab to Ino!'
Now the girl wanted in and there was no wrangling this mare once she decided to buck. She was especially interested in what had happened shortly after Sakura's run-in with the Naruto/Hinata marching band. Sakura hadn't thought about anyone romantically since Sasuke, but there was a certain brown haired Hyuuga who had noticed her at least.
– Heartbeat –
It was an hour after leaving Naruto and Hinata… alone, in the woods (she mentally shivered at that), that Sakura decided to visit the Konoha Library, where at least there would be some peace and quiet. She had thought Neji would be more comfortable in the massive library in the Hyuuga estate, but there he was, standing next to an aisle of medical volumes, his arms crossed over his chest as he stared apathetically at the words on their spines.
Sakura waved as she walked toward him. "Hiya Neji!"
And of course, he offered his usual: a formal greeting complete with the correct suffix and even voice she knew. It pissed her off, but more than anything, she wanted him to loosen up. Sakura had the perfect thing, and winked at him seductively.
"Aaww, Neji-pyon!" she teased, giggling softly. "It's okay to admit you're excited to see me." [pyon: slang for calling someone their sweetie]
And then… there it was... she couldn't believe it. The stoic ice cube was normally so calm and collected. But Sakura was counting his heartbeat and was, for the first time since learning this technique, blushing at the revelation it had brought her.
He hadn't moved an inch as she walked toward him. He didn't bat an eyelid as she calmly asked him to move out of the way. He didn't respond other than to shift slightly, indicating there was enough room and he wasn't moving – he did look quite comfortable when stiff as a board. Sakura was just trying to get past him to grab the medical text book behind him on the shelf when she sensed it: his heart started hammering in his chest and it didn't stop until she was out of his personal space. His face and stance showed nothing of his accelerated heart rate however, and a part of her wondered if it had actually happened. His voice as he said his formal goodbyes before he left gave nothing away.
Sakura thought she had been imagining things until it happened again. Later that day, she'd visited the Hyuuga estate to ask Hiashi if she could sneak a peek at some of his medical volumes like he'd promised via Tsunade four months ago. Neji was the only one in Hiashi's office, and calmly told her the old man was off training with Hanabi and didn't want to be disturbed… the slippery arse. So Sakura was demanding that Neji talk some sense into his uncle while standing a foot away from him, pointing a finger at his eyes (those… mesmerising… gorgeous… eyes…), when the beating interrupted her tirade.
Neji half frowned at her abrupt halt and his eyes widened slightly at the blush lining her cheeks.
'Fuck this,' she snapped at herself.
Sakura did the only thing she could think of – she pulled him into a tight hug and whispered "god, you're hot" before making a mad dash for freedom.
– Heartbeat –
Needless to say, Sakura was embarrassed. But it also offered up the perfect opportunity for giving her love life a kick in the arse. Ino was still badgering her about teaching her the technique but Sakura couldn't face her right now. She wanted to see how far she could take this (whatever this was) with Neji… Ino would forgive her if she found out why she was skipping out on her… right? Tsunade was out on one of her binges and Sakura had a messenger "summon" Neji. She felt no qualms about pretending he'd been summoned by the Hokage and then thoroughly seducing him.
The room was empty when Neji knocked, was bade to enter and did as he was told. "Lady Hokage, what–"
"Neji-pyon," Sakura whispered from behind him, closing the door. "You and I have some unfinished business, starting with this."
Neji felt his body go still… the knowing look on her face gave her away: she knew how he felt. But how? She was pulling on his shirt – the Hyuuga Kimono he'd adjusted for his missions as a part of Team Guy. He swallowed heavily, realising the only article of clothing Sakura was wearing was a pink satin robe.
"W-where is the Hokage?" He asked, getting a strange feeling about this.
'Okay,' she thought, clenching her fists tightly. 'Let's bite this in the butt, shall we?'
Sakura ignored his question and pouted. "Wouldn't you rather kiss me, Neji-pyon?"
She smirked as he gripped her tighter, taking the bait. She closed her eyes, heat pooling in her stomach as Neji kissed her, pushing her roughly against the wall.
Fifteen minutes later, an angry blonde stormed into the Hokage's office, and Sakura started, terrified of being caught by her shishou. The woman was supposed to be out for the rest of the afternoon! But it wasn't Lady Tsunade who'd almost knocked the door off its hinges.
"FOREHEAD! I HOPE YOU'RE READY TO BE HUNG AND QUARTERED! YOU'RE SO–"
Ino stopped midsentence, taking in the scene before her: Sakura and Neji, flustered, wrapped up in each other's arms, and naked on Tsunade's desk. A quirk of her lips told the pinkette what was coming next…
"YEAH-HEH! SAKURA FINALLY GOT LAID!"
X X X
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I wanna say something else on the topic of rude comments on AO3. I know a lot of people just choose not to respond to trolls. I also know it's probably a waste of my time to respond. But I have a sliver of hope in me that people genuinely don't know why what they're doing is fucked up. And I lean on that sliver and I reply, yes perhaps a bit snarkily or rude. But all the while telling them why what they did is wrong. That being said, I will not stop deleting comments. That noise doesn't belong on anyone's fic, not even mine.
I'm not a fast writer. I'm not a prolific writer or a popular writer or even a particularly GOOD writer. I'm aware that sometimes my verb tenses are bad or my characterization off. I have a lot of words I overuse or awkward wording patterns I can't leave behind. But I get a beta to fix what can be fixed, then publish it.
I'm not a good writer. I write because I have ideas that I would rather have written out than have live forever in my head. I write for fun. I write to see the representation I want to see, even if I write it badly.
I repeat. I am not a good writer. However I am a stubborn writer. I am a resilient writer. And I reply to the people who think it's okay to criticize fic writers because I can deal with it. Because I don't care. And because I know it hurts others. And I hope, desperately that they do so unaware of the effect they have. Because that means they might be willing to change.
There seems to be a bizarrely short logical jump from "unasked for criticism is okay" and "telling people to kill themselves is okay." I don't write particularly problematic ships. No judgement or shame, I just don't.
But every fic is problematic under a bad faith reading. If you don't like something, it's a very short leap to "problematic." It's like that one post said: coffee shop AU? Workplace harassment. Genderswap? Transphobic. Queer relationships? Fetishizing. And if all someone needs is not liking something in a fic to begin criticizing an author or accusing an afab queer person of misogyny and homophobia... Well. It's a short leap from that to telling someone to kill themselves, isn't it?
And I may seem strangely fixated on the "kill yourself" angle. But I remember just a few years ago. People were doxxed. Lists went around of blacklisted individuals, and blocking them was a way of virtue signaling. So was using that blacklist as a mailing list for telling people to kill themselves. People were in my friends' ask boxes telling them to commit suicide. My friends who were not always in the best mental space. Over fanfiction. Over problematic things in fanfic. When I insisted that perhaps it is inappropriate to leave such comments, several other people stopped talking to or blocked me simply for saying "telling someone to commit suicide is inappropriate" and being associated with blacklisted individuals.
Of course, escalation isn't necessary to make it harmful and inappropriate, on a lesser scale. What was it that one particularly dense person said? Something about my characterization. So what if my characterization was bad? Back button exists for a reason! Don't waste either of our time reading it! "Don't like, don't read," dldr -- there are whole acronyms about it! You would think the point has gotten across by now. I am a self proclaimed bad writer. You're right! I don't always get Bucky's characterization right. A cis white ex-military man has immensely different lived experience from me. Hell, I've never even handled a gun before. Sometimes that means what I think makes sense for his character... doesn't. But also consider: I didn't ask; therefore, it's inappropriate and not "concrit" as some people like to call it (which I also have opinions about).
Someone commented after I posted about people leaving rude comments that I was how was it phrased? "Crying on tumblr," I believe. I'm not asking you to specifically stop commenting on my fic, I'm asking you to stop entirely. I'm asking you to take a step back and consider the real life effects of sending anon-hate or leaving unnecessarily critical comments on people's works they are making available to you for free. And if you're still under the impression that you are in the right to leave these kinds of comments... This is not me crying on tumblr. Let's be perfectly clear: this is me calling you a bitch on tumblr.
#we love the block feature#and you get a block and you get a block and you--#i swear#this is not a fucking invitation to tell me to kill myself#suicide mention#like u aint my mom u aint my brain u really think u can hurt me?#the fucking audacity of some people#lowkey entertaining tho#oh yeah uhuh yup thats really hurtful ooh you got me you sure did#still fucking dying over the hospital thing tho#gonna write a triage rant later#to go eith the concrit rant i will also write later#fanfic discourse#again#as in keep the discourse as far away from me as fucking possible#back baby back#dont like dont read#seriously#and yea yknow i dont really have the patience anymore to be nice#you get told hey that wasnt good buddy heres why#then you get told wow fuck off little bitch#i have a zero fucking tolerance policy for this shit#you get ONE FUCKING WARNING#anyways i guess u should thank them tho. now im legally obligated to write a sequel#fuck neolib purity culture#god#i do not have to sanitize myself and my life for your consumption#i dont owe u shit cause u aint paid for shit#gonna start charging $20/hour for responding to obnoxious comments
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The Making of Devotion
If you've followed me long enough, you've probably seen me and gotten fed up with me talking about my pride and joy, Contempt. And I promise, it's only half as much as I wanted to talk about it.
Long after Contempt was written, and finally posted, the story continued to haunt me. It wasn't done with me yet.
And so...Devotion.
The story of Contempt and Devotion was inspired by two other Snarry fics, Shame and Denial; inspired in their own ways. Those fics placed in me the need that shaped the story of my soul.
Similarly, the idea to write a companion piece, to explore Severus' POV of the same story came from another Snarry fic, or rather fics I've long loved: Nights of Gethsemane and Invictus, by starcrossed.
Forever I am in awe of what that author did. And left to my own devices, I would wax poetic about that series ad nauseum (and in fact did so before I realized "wow I'm a few hundred words into a Nights of Gethsemane rec instead of Making of post.") The main point is: Nights of Gethsemane is entirely from Harry's POV. Invictus is the same exact story from Severus' POV. I've read both numerous times and am forever in love with seeing all the bits of, not only information one knew that the other didn't, but all the times they misunderstood each other, or had the wrong assumptions, etc. And how well done it was, really losing oneself in a character's head, limited by their own experience and their own knowledge.
So when it comes to my own work, I've known the whole story all along. At first, the core of it, and over time, more of the shapes and colors. I knew when writing Contempt where Severus was coming from. So why not write that? There is so much between Harry and Severus both. So much going on in them individually. And isn't it true that there are two (or even three) sides to every story?
It occurred to me, at some point, how neat it would be to write and submit Devotion for Snarry-a-Thon. My one real issue was...well, I knew it would be able to standalone, but I wanted to be sure I could submit a companion piece. Partly since it might be obvious to anyone who's read Contempt. But also...I'd not made much secret that I'd been working on Devotion. Which I thought might be an issue for an anonymous fest. So, eager and impatient as I was, I reached out to the mod before the official Thon 23 announcement even happened. "I know we're not there yet, but...."
They had no problems with it, thankfully, just a note that it couldn't be connected to the series until after reveals, which I figured. So I stopped using the name Devotion when talking about it publicly and instead referred to it as Super Secret Project. And I dove right on into it! And also couldn't shut up about it. (RIP the poor people who had to listen to me that whole time...) I made a playlist! And a title graphic. I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote...I pulled out some hair. I sobbed. Etc, etc, very dramatic writerly things.
And while details in Contempt were inspired by HP Flowers (the flowers on Severus' door), the writing of Devotion is what fully prompted me to start HP Fruit Fest. Specifically a scene involving apricot jam. I've always been a bit of a fruit fanatic, but I felt compelled to research symbolism for apricots ("optimism and hope for the future"; thought of as an aphrodisiac in some areas, while ancient Chinese lore saw them representing "cowardice"), which really got me hung up on fruits (again) and pushed me to start the fest! (I do love some good symbolism, what can I say?) (Also: fruit.)
Strangely, I thought Devotion would be a smooth ride. Or smoother than Contempt had been. In fact, it was not. It was merely a new set of challenges.
My brain, silly as it is, fretted about the word count. I had a bad feeling it was going to be shorter than Contempt! Which my brain did not like, for Reasons. (Brain has yet to inform me as to what these Reasons are.) I think maybe I projected it would be longer, then as I was writing I thought "oh no is it going to be shorter??" (Still unclear as to why this matters.) My original thought turned out to be right, as Contempt is 20,400 words and Devotion is 25,843. So...5,443 more words!
Then...lots of overthinking about small details. I wanted more scenes showing Severus' life outside of Harry. But also...poor dude doesn't have much. I put a lot of thought into the layout of Knockturn Alley, and activities Severus might be interested in, etcetera, but a lot of that needed to be cut for the flow. And let me tell you, I've gotten pretty comfortable over the years about cutting extra tidbits, but that whole section about Severus' nights on Knockturn Alley hurt to lose. I had a feeling even as I wrote it that it was a bit much, which a friend later confirmed. Ah well, I'll drag my "list of things to do in the Wizarding world" ideas into another story. (Why have characters do to a Muggle cinema when they can go to a Wizarding play???? Come on!!!!) Just little things like that.
And absinthe!! There's a whole process to that, and it seemed wrong to not mention, but also...I didn't feel like expounding on the proper distillation of absinthe for forever and a day. Yet the one place it felt fitting to sort of show the ritual was later in the story, when I needed more of a nod towards the start. So absinthe was its own headache, basically. (Cramming a lot of details into a small space is no easy feat, let me tell you.) (And I'm so dang particular about word choice and flow!!) (No one ask me the total time I spent on the absinthe detail in this fic alone. Because I don't know other than to say: entirely too much.)
The real agony of this fic was not the writing of it, though. Which...I mean it was, but the real test was after. I very rarely use beta readers. I have bad experience, for one, and I'm a big ole sensitive lady for another.
Because the biggest worry of all was that Contempt is my pride and joy, and I worried about adding more to that universe. What if Devotion was a big failure or disappointment? What if attaching a subpar work to my baby ruined it?? The best hope I had to keep that from happening was to get a beta reader.
But first, I had Ephie (@fleetingdesires.) At the tail end of writing I was losing steam and focus and hope and I was in desperate need of someone to read what I had and tell me it wasn't garbage. So if you like Devotion, please thank Ephie for saving it from the dumpster.
Then...there was aristi, my beta. Aristi has known me for a while. She knows my writing. She knows my soft, fragile heart. She also knows a lot about editing. Which is to say, the process wasn't nearly as awful as I expected, but the whole "waiting to have my heart ripped to shreds" feeling was rough.
Also, it still wasn't nice, exactly, having flaws pointed out. For every typo I wanted to put my head through a wall. Every email about updates in Google Docs, my heart stopped, and I just thought: "this is it, today's the day she tells me to set the whole story on fire." (Me? Issues? Noooo...) There was also my deadline anxiety that came into play. We missed our projected deadline (for reasons), but that was why we gave ourselves breathing room! We did still get it all done before submissions were due. Life gets in the way sometimes, which I totally understand. It didn't stop me from thinking the worst and spiraling a bit as time went on. ("oh no, it's so awful, she doesn't even have the heart to tell me!")
In the end, I had a handful of typos. Most of which I'm pretty sure came from my single edit run wherein I finagled a few scenes and probably created more errors than I fixed. And aristi suggested a bit of expansion in a few places, which wasn't really much. I added less than 100 words, I think.
Best of all, each suggestion was well-cushioned and sweetly presented. And I think more of her comments were just fun commentary or compliments than anything. I hardly had to fix much at all! And better yet, I was feeling pretty good! Comfortable, confident, and cared for! She was so incredibly thoughtful about everything she said, which really touched me! I'm used to people sort of being frustrated with me, and telling me to deal with it, put up with it, etc. Which is fine. I know I can't make my issues everyone else's problem. But it's nice when people stop and try. To feel like it's not a great burden to want gentleness. To be treated like my feelings, and I, matter. I dunno, it was really special to me.
So really, not a bad process! Better than I could have hoped for, really. But my own overthinking and worrying made it hard. An extension of all the overthinking and worrying I did while writing.
I was more lonely writing Devotion than I was with Contempt. My writing group from the year before more or less dispersed. That was an additional hardship I didn't expect. I'm a big sharer. It's important to me to talk and chat and have people to be excited with. (And to cry with, ngl.) It left me a bit stuck and a bad sad. But I found new support in the end, and in the aftermath.
For me, it makes for a good reminder of why I do what I do, why I put myself out there so much. It matters to me in general, but it's crucial when things change. Not all ties are forever, but there are always new ties to be made, if one is willing to go out and make it happen.
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What I talk about when I talk about writing barks
I love them - in fact in future gigs I'd like to work more with one-liner dialogue & systems than on authored conversations & cutscenes - but a lot of people don't, which I think is a shame, so here's some things that have informed my thinking
If you're genuinely in a "we need 50 variants on Grenade! or Did I see something?" situation then something's gone wrong. In my exp the usefulness of line variants tops out at ~20 and often has diminishing returns after 10
If you can play the game, try to develop a feel for whether barks are so common that you need more variants, or so common you need *less*. The latter may seem counterproductive but repetition is not necessarily the bugbear a lot of non-writer stakeholders think it is
If you're writing barks or ambient for a defined character - baby that's videogame storytelling! This is the narrative that players will spend the most time with in the game, not the conversations, not the cutscenes. This is where you have an opportunity to get to know a character perhaps even in ways they don't show other people, or even fully appreciate themselves
If you're writing for crowds there's an argument that 'natural' overheard conversation is quite boring - Feels like rain, I'm going to the shops, Look! Horses! etc - but I don't think that's true. People say incredibly strange things! Without turning into a super creep energy vampire with a notebook, tune in and out of overheard conversation when you're out. Ambient dialogue shouldn't be 'filler': it lets you surface the self-talk of the world
Variation - watch sports matches, game shows, even soap operas, where there are a series of repetitive events that are more or less guaranteed to happen in sequence & observe how it's commentated
A tougher one to explain but one of my touchstones - listen to singers fucking up their own lyrics in live performances
Clarity: check out your own or other social media posts especially when the replies misunderstand the text (ignoring obvious bad faith readings) - what was missed? What wasn't conveyed?
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Fanfic roundup 2022
(2021 round up)
LIST OF FANWORKS
Posted:
dependence (The Matrix | Neo/Trinity | codependency | rated NR)
See your enemy (The Matrix | Neo/Trinity, Trinity+Smith | the one that got away | rated M)
But mine is as hungry as the sea (LOTR | Galadriel/Sauron | a millennia of dreams | rated E)
i’d like to hold her head underwater (LOTR | Galadriel/Sauron | kissin’ and makin’ oaths| rated M)
That’s the whole ice cream cone (LOTR RPF | Charlie/Morfydd | scholarship is sexy | rated M) (ao3 locked)
Crave (LOTR | Galadriel/Sauron | tentacles | rated E) (wip to update v soon)
WIPs:
LOTR: an earnest take on the celeborn custody battle crack (posting soon)
LOTR: Dark Galadriel and the dyad rings - teases here
LOTR: healing generational trauma with fourth age Arwen and her peepaw
The Matrix: Trinity and Smith as mirrors - tease here
MCU: the final conclusion of my winterbaron sugar daddy fic
MCU: a full horror Time Variance Authority Trash Party with stucky rising
Total number of completed works/fandoms written in: six completed works in 2022 for a total of just over 15k words; two for The Matrix, three for LOTR, and one RPF.
OVERALL THOUGHTS: What a strange year! The Matrix fics were essentially remixes and the LOTR fics were essentially a fever dream zeitgeist high. I wish that I could have a more steady creative process???? But I’m very proud of the creative work this year and the madness I felt in writing these fics.
PERSONAL FAVORITE: The moment in “I’d like to hold her head underwater” where Galadriel has a fantasy of fucking Halbrand into a dying Sauron’s armored body. “And wonderfully, exquisitely, she feels that weak dark spirit shamed at the ignominy of this dark choice.” FUCKING A, LIZZEN.
MOST UNDERAPPRECIATED: I actually feel quite happy with the appreciation I received for all of my fics this year. The kudos may be low on The Matrix ones but my matrix fam had wonderful things to say about them. Britomart keeps tagging me in a discord server as she introduces folk to “See your enemy”, the best. Crave could use more love but LET’S BE REAL. CRAVE COULD DESERVE A FUCKING NEXT CHAPTER, YA COCK TEASE.
MOST POPULAR: “But mine is as hungry as the sea” by every metric. It’s incredible, do NOT get me wrong, I love the shit out of this fic, it truly was a demon I had to exorcize into gorgeous words and tragic romantic angst – BUT it’s popular bcs I gamed the zeitgeist timing LETTUCE BE QUITE REAL. In my old age, I’m very wise to the methodologies of fic popularity. XX
STORY WITH THE SEXIEST MOMENT: So, what I love the best about “But mine is as hungry as the sea” is that I couldn’t have Gal and Hal talk to each other if at the VERY least he was finger banging her. AT THE VERY LEAST. Like. My parody version of that fic is them having benign boring conversations as he’s three fingers in and she’s lost count of how much she’s come. Second place is the same fic where I talk about her being sticky and him shaking BECAUSE I AM TRASH (affectionate).
MOST FUN STORY TO WRITE: The posted chapter of Crave was such a fun time. The bulk of it just flowed out of me in like an HOUR. I just love monsterfucking and a woman who is AS HUNGRY AS THE SEA. It just had so much delicious promise. UGHHH, so much fun.
HARDEST: Hahahahahaha the unposted finish to Crave. What have I done. Writing a kink with specific tropes for a pairing where I am resistant to those tropes being used with them? HAHAHAHAH. WHAT AM I DOING. (I’ll make it work and people will like it or they won’t!).
BIGGEST SURPRISE: Having the exact same fever dream zeitgeist high while writing like I did after TLJ in December 2017. I thought that was like a cocaine high and I’d never feel it again. I THOUGHT I WAS DEAD INSIDE. (I’m back to being a little dead inside so…. that’s…….. fun for me and my therapist.) (WORKING ON IT.)
DID YOU TAKE ANY RISKS IN WRITING THIS YEAR? Writing the first RPF fic for The Rings of Power. NEW LOTRPS JUST DROPPED, BAYBEEEE. It was initially locked, but then I opened it back up because I was like, “this fandom can behave with rpf, right?” Hahaha, nah bro, so it’s locked up again and I’m unlikely to write another (until there’s new irl canon i guess?).
MOST UNINTENTIONALLY TELLING STORY: Y’all here know how I feel about Charlie’s Sauron scholarship, so you can’t be surprised that I have Morfydd jump him immediately after she learns about it. SHRUG!
FAVORITE LINES/SCENES: Honestly, the entire tease for the Trinity + Groff!Smith. Fucking brilliant work. “I accept your terms,” she says. “I didn’t make any,” he says, weak. “Exactly,” she replies.
2023 WRITING AMBITIONS: Write more steadily and consistently. Get back into the drabble mode. Make time, take time, just do it. It doesn’t have to be groundbreaking, it just has to be creating something. The joy of creation is like nothing else. Chase that high.
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i worry that when i talk about the double standards between visual artists and writers in fandom spaces, folks misinterpret that as bad blood to the artists, but that ain't it.
i grew up on the early 2000s internet where the overwhelming sentiment was that writers were somehow invasive to whatever media they were a fan of. there was a clear hierarchy where artists who made gen or canon ship fanart were treated as major pillars of the fandom. visual artists who made shippy (esp queer) fanart might get cringed at by the more mainstream nerds, but it was nothing compared to the outright disdain and hostility directed at fic writers. the idea that we might want to add to canon, take away from it, or transform it in any way was met with anger and disgust, especially once you were over the age of 15. even drawn porn and fetish material was treated as more normal than someone writing the most milquetoast, blandest canon-compliant character study.
i didn't start writing fic until i was 20, because the idea that i would care about something enough to write about it made me somehow a bad, intrusive, rude, and disrespectful person was so deeply ingrained from years of spending time in mainstream nerd spaces.
fandom has gotten better, but there's a clear divide between what is acceptable behavior for visual artists vs fic writers. we're not supposed to ask for reblogs (there was a whole THING for a few years where many people insisted their blog's aesthetic didn't allow them to reblog any text-only or text-heavy posts, and we were supposed to respect that and not make them feel guilty about it). we're not supposed to ask for kudos or comments or interaction or validation of any kind. strangely, we're expected to be grateful to have readers at all, even if the only way we're supposed to know is an unreliable hit counter on ao3.
some of it, i feel, is a lingering shame, that many folks don't want anyone else to know the particulars of the fic they read because it reveals something about the reader as much as the writer.
and i think it's partly a problem of marketability. someone drawing even the filthiest porn could be theoretically building an audience for their future commissions or webcomic/s or portfolio.
whereas fic writers aren't supposed to be acknowledged. we're not supposed to let anyone know who we are. if we write fic, it should be strictly walled off from our main writing persona, because the idea that we would write fic harms our marketability and our potential brand.
and i don't really know why this all is, but it chafes something terrible. someone more clever than me could probably tie this into the rise of conservative reactionaries and respectability politics in queer spaces, including fandom, but i don't have that in me rn.
just like... love your authors. (you don't have to love me. i wish i had more readers and more interaction, but this isn't just about me.) if you have a fic writer whose work you enjoy, boost their posts on socmed the same way you would an artist. leave comments on their new chapters. interact with them. send them asks about their fic or headcanons or potential scenarios you think would interest them.
fic writers publish because we've made something we want to share, and wanting feedback and support and love for something we made and shared with the fandom isn't wrong just because our medium is writing. we deserve the same consideration as any other fandom creator.
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Facts and way too big feelings
/sorry to get all rambly and personal on such a funky site, but i've made the executive decision to post this anyway. 473 words, 8 paragraphs and written in under an hour. first draft situation so forgive any weird flow/structure issues. if your into reading a strangers late night notes app stuff for some reason, this is on the same level/
I like to research, and I like to write. That's how I handle pretty much everything. at the very least it's a distraction, at it's best it solves whatever problem I'm facing. this had been the only way I knew to deal with big heavy stuff when I felt I had no one else to turn to. So it was near horrifying when it didn't work right when I needed it to the most. All my carefully compiled research, an email that went through four or five drafts, a perfectly curated list of resources and proof and..it was for nothing. it didn't matter, in the end, what research paper I cited, what blog from a medical group I linked, whatever helpful resources I could offer paired with a detailed explanation of what where why. I didn't realize I was throwing facts on what ended up being an emotional situation. I was in my early teens and had written a whole essay on why I believe I'm trans and what we can do about it. I was confident it would work out, why wouldn't it? I spent weeks on it, and the facts seemed clear as day nothing could make me *not* trans, surely they'd read every word and come to the same conclusion, and everything would be fine from then on out. They had no sound reason not to believe me as far as i could tell. Except what was just a bunch of neat facts for me, was a living nightmare for them. It was surreal, presenting something i was downright proud of (so many hours of work! so many sources and citations!), and my mom breaking down at the first line. Neither my mom or dad ever finished reading it. I'm not sure they got past the introduction. Nothing productive ever came of it. They firmly believe I'll drop dead from HRT, that eventually I'll snap out of this 'delusion' and regret everything. How do you address a problem when facts don't work? When someone won't listen to plain facts, firmly believing it's all been twisted by some political conspiracy?
it can feel like a stab to the heart, trying to make an emotional plea for something I felt could've been so simple. When a fact turns into a debate, and your happiness and health depend on you winning, it can all feel nearly tragic. Like it's a losing battle, a cautionary tale about not saying the right thing. Sometimes I wish there was some grand old wizard to declare what's right and what's wrong. The wise mentor on a hero's journey that provides a crucial piece of information that saves the day. Instead, I'll just have to keep trying to detangle this contradictory mess of facts and very big feelings, hoping I'll find the right words and the solution to a deadly puzzle
#writing#lgbtq#transgender#the author has no shame writing strange things and posting them#i blame ao3#late night thoughts#personal essay#but kinda short
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Been thinking a lot about what everyone has said on that one post about sameness in the vore community. I’ve always known the vore community tends to “recycle” concepts and tropes. (Trust me, I’ve been here for a WHILE I’ve seen it all.) Mainly, the prevalence of tooth-rotting comfort vore fluff. I certainly do not deny that I am a perpetrator of fixating on said content. It’s easy to write. Self insert first person character is sad, you project yourself onto them, they get eaten and praised, you feel better about yourself. And thus the cycle continues. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Stories like these get my heart all giddy every time without fail, and I’m not gonna pretend they don’t.
But I do agree that the vore narrative has SO much more potential than just this. Horror. Suspense. Angst. Characters developing as people and growing closer to one another through unconventional means. I always adore when people come up with more unique vore stories, with entire fleshed out worlds and characters with their own backstories and personalities. Stories where it’s not really a vore story, it’s just a Thing that Happens to the already existing characters, and focuses on how they react to the strangeness and how they grow because of it. It’s a shame this sort of content isn’t as prevalent, but I completely understand why. Writing complex characters is hard. Writing conflict is hard. And it doesn’t help that content like this tends not to get as many hits as the more simple, easy to digest (heh) comfort stuff we see all the time around here.
As for me, I am one of the odd one’s out in the community in that I really don’t have any of my own characters. Sure I have a “persona” of sorts, but that’s a relatively new thing that isn’t even MY character but a generic self-insert thing from an already existing franchise. Almost all of my writing has been in the first person style, where the reader/author can imagine themselves in the story. I’ve now come to realize this is probably the main reason I’m stuck writing fluff, to be honest. I feel more comfortable inserting myself in vore situations where it’s nice and everything has a happy ending. Stories where the reader isn’t involved at all are a lot easier for me to include more developed emotions and conflict.
To tell you the truth, I’ve wanted to try my hand at making OCs for quite a while now. I actually have quite a few fleshed out character ideas that have been in stored away in my head for quite some time. Perhaps now that I’m drawing more, I could try my hand at it. Maybe. It’s kind of a long shot. In the meantime, I’ll certainly keep what everyone has said in mind as I write in the future. Thank you all again for giving the community your thought and feelings, and for being so civil and friendly to eachother :)
#op#My current story in the works is kind of??? a deviation from my normal fluffy flufftimes in that none of the characters wanna be there#and the earrings are reluctant#but it’s more of a characters study if anything like ‘how would x react if they had to be eaten’ kinda thing#yes it’s that story#yes I’m still working on it shut up#no but seriously thank you all for your input it means a lot to have such a nice community willing to acknowledge our differences#and bond over the fact that at the end of the day. we are all weirdos#vore talk#soft vore#safe vore#also I realized it autocorrected eatings to earrings RIP tumblr please let me edit tags someday
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