#the affection i hold for the people who read this fic is insane

[poolsidepanic]

Realised I never did share the original moodboard I made for Ceramic Hearts, so here it is :)

[whirlpool-blogs]

whirlpool's personal MOTA fic recs!

I've actually been dying to put this together for a while now...today is as good an excuse as any! I might not know everyone's tumblrs vs ao3 names so I will NOT be offended if you tell me to correct something!! <3

the big list = going alphabetical order in my folder because YES I do download my favorites, it's like having your own little bookshelf!!

non-clegan fics:

nine mothers' sons by @reallylilyreally (truly beautiful, breathtaking, and **THE** John Brady bible for the fandom so make sure you pray to it every night)

at your heels by @reallylilyreally (this one is Ev Blakely, another really beautiful story that helps you understand just why Crosby's memoir speaks of Blakely with such love and affection)

clegan (or gale-centric, or john-centric) fics:

A Direct Solution by @sweaterkittensahoy (Gale & Marge proposition Bucky...so cute and so hot)

ain't it easy? by @stereobone (dom/sub with john as the dom but ohhh man it's so much more than just that!!!!! this fic is so full of FEELS. and it's also HOTTTT. and also the FEELSSSSS.)

all the rest of what I want with you by @london-cowboy (the level of care that went into writing this fic is insane and impeccable. down to its own internal timeline, little egan kiddos, and the ANGST. but it's all worth it, I promise!!)

back home where you're from, that's the measure of a man by wolfhalls (nice little oneshot of the bucks, I love the back-and-forth of their dialogue in this one, it really does feel like two people who know each other well)

bittersweet between my teeth by @blixabargelds (post-war adjustment...love when the two majors are a little messy and a little sad and also john calls gale the prettiest thing he ever saw so there's that <3)

bluebirds singing a song by ourdarkspirits (Marge jumps Bucky's bones. Then Gale joins. Super fun, super hot!)

Close and Yet Closer by Anonymous (LITERALLY THE MOST!!!!!! FIC OF ALL TIME!!!!!!! Gale is a little bit mean and John is a lot bit sweaty. Like all the time. it's amazing and you should read it and it WILL change your life.)

Corpse Song by birdwif (oof. john is miserable in the stalag he's scratching at the door he's gnawing his own leg off.)

deep breath baby by @defnotanarc (um FISTING. yeah. intense and delicious. side note sometimes the world isn't fair and people who are really talented and amazing at drawing are also really good WRITERS too LIKE WTF!!)

DOG DINNER by @wompire (super interesting writing style, extremely poetic and striking. hits you right in the gut.)

everything and the kitchen sink by @swifty-fox (YEAH THIS ONE WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE TOO. modern au where gale is a professional dom and john is a journalist who hornily consents to both (1) fucking around, and (2) finding out. in top ten fics of the decade in general tbh)

Freed From Desire by @feyd-meowtha (yoooooo such a fun and free and sexy fic!!! such a great writing style and such a cool remix of all the characters we know and love!)

He wears his love around his neck by kasugayamaisforlovers (Gale character study, he tries to run his little gay thoughts away which is always so fun to see)

hold me like a knife by storm_warning (tw: self-harm, this REALLY gets into John's self-destructive stalag spiral and it's super visceral and wet and heart-wrenching and written with such, such care and precision)

Hound Within the Heart by Anonymous (fairy-tale esque, gets super crazy and pushes the limits of reality but in the best ways possible)

I Don't Wanna Be Alone Tonight by @johnslittlespoon (cuddling for warmth <3 and then a little more <3 <3 so sweet and intimate!!)

I Like A Bad Boy by @nicijones (modern college AU and bucky is a fratty fuckboy type & in this fic he DOES punch a guy for Gale and it's all very hot and sweet and a delight to read)

i wish you wouldn't tell me (about your hawaiian party) by @whitetrashjj (when the fuckbuddies thing gets messyyyyyy because gale catches feelingsssssss, so delicious and meaty!!)

if that isn’t love, it’ll have to do by @irregularcollapse (ALWAYS such incredible character reads from this author, never misses. also facefucking. also FACEFUCKING <3)

i'll be seeing you by @puffanities (a quick 1.6k oneshot but still packed with some really great characterization and powerful language!! 'when the numbers of planes don’t match...')

i'll find you before the dust settles by butidontreallycare (a Westworld AU!! super cool)

in our bedroom after the war by @stereobone (one of those fics that's just like. a pillar of the community, y'know? iconic. classic. eternal.)

Into the Unknown by Melanie_Mikaelson (big win for john whump enjoyers. BIG win. like 20+ chapters of winning)

it ain't for meatball by @meyerlansky (Curt/Bucky. Curt puts the dog collar on Bucky....and it's HOTTTT arf arf i'm barking just like bucky is in this fic...)

It's Not Love, but It's Fun by @sweaterkittensahoy (Curt/Bucky, 500 words so it's short and sweet just like Curt ahahahaha, ANYWAY still such an interesting little read regardless!)

judgment by the hounds by @puffanities (PG, very visceral and tender apology after the stalag fight scene <3)

level-off maneuvers by wormringers (sweet little oneshot of the Bucks in London)

little fix by ForASecondThereWedWon (Algeria <3 <3 you just kNOW those two gay pilots were sniffing and huffing and licking each other's sweat.....this author GETS it)

love means nothing (in tennis) by @irregularcollapse (fics that make you go WEEEEEEEE!!!! every word, every physical action that these characters take is SO precise and well-written. truly like wrapping a soft bathrobe around yourself and also the bathrobe is incredibly sexy and also they're sucking each other off post-game but PRE-shower. also gale's dad!! also margie!! truly such a well crafted AU)

make you feel alive by @sig-nifier (really sweet little oneshot of gale being a little protective of john. and i am ALWAYS a sucker for the 'call off your dog' trope... and it's done perfectly here!)

meet me at the chapel by @swifty-fox (still in-progress and SUCH a creative, inventive universe!! outlaw john you will always be famous to me!!!!)

my kingdom for a kiss upon your shoulder by @swifty-fox (swift can really weave a story like no one else. so many lines that pack a punch. and in the end, they make it <3)

my type by @spaceshipkat (this one is SOOOOO well-written, I always go so crazy for the dialogue!!! such a great push-pull dynamic in this fic)

night terror by @antiquitea (hot! and sweet! and HOT! and angsty!!!!! highlights include: gale gives john a literal countdown deadline to get off)

Obligate Mutualism by bowhuntress (Gale-centric story of trying to get John through the stalag, then returning the England without Bucky, a fic very obviously written with a lot of care and love)

obsessions, and other things by @sig-nifier (the Bucks cope. really great pacing and dialogue, and I always love when fics take the care to delve into john's struggle with alcoholism as well)

of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world (he walks into mine) by @whitetrashjj (really fun parallel universe where Buck owns a bar, just a great read all-around!)

Oh, I do, do I? by @defnotanarc (DIRTY TALK, like the most delicious, incredible dirty talk you can imagine, this fic nails it!!)

One of your Girls by @soliloquy-dawn (9k oneshot and it's great all the way through, Gale is jealousssss of John fucking around, don't worry they resolve it <3, definitely captures that innocence of pre-Bremen MOTA episodes)

peacetime like a liminal space by @spaceshipkat (this one is PHENOMENAL. post-war, John goes to New York City and turns out it doesn't fill the emptiness. luckily Gale shows up. <3)

Putting Words to It by @impalachick (YEAH THIS ONE IS REALLY HOT. John is a snoop and reads Gale's letters to Marge <3)

Reunited by Flowersandthings (PG, cute & funny oneshot of the Bucks being reunited after Gale makes it over from Greenland!)

Reverie by @avonne-writes (REALLY creative, well-crafted story. Gale and John are soulmates and can visit each other's dreams since adolescence. INCREDIBLE journey and arc in this story, the stalag part is just wow. truly such a gift to the fandom!!).

Rugire by Anonymous (umm omegaverse-ish but with deer dynamics. messy. and SO good.)

SHOTGUN. by pornogirl (YEAH this one is awesome, it's not safe it's not sane but oh boy it is consensual)

Song of Songs by @swifty-fox (sweaty sex sweaty sex sweaty sex)

Spin, Sit, Roll-Over by @glumbabie (Gale is a little mean to John and it's VERY sexy of him tbh. 'DOGS DON'T TALK'???? 'YOU CAN EAT'???????? yeah. read this.)

the chimneys hardly ever fall down by @redbelles (another Gale/Marge + John, and it's HOT. it's SEXY it's awesome!!)

the hand of a good man by @stereobone (John rewrites Gale's daddy history <3)

the jacket by @dogmetaphors (REALLY great sense of dialogue and characterization even in 1.6k words, also shamelessly horny and SO yummy)

The Major’s Wife by tryingmyhandatwriting (John/Original Female Character but like. give this one a chance, I'm telling you!! I'm always soooo compelled by sex scenes that like. are actually a little bit unhappy. and this one SERVESSSSS.)

this must be the place by @blixabargelds (BIG win for Gale whumpers. broken bone and LOTS of blood and super well-written)

To be alone with you by Damn_Illusive (THIS ONE IS SO, SO SPECIAL AND CREATIVE!! freaky army experimentation gives gale and john telepathic communication. incredible separation arc while gale is in the stalag. really, really unique story that is such a staple in my mind as one of the the most incredible clegan stories ever. I think about this one A LOT!!!)

To the Moon and Back by @rambleonwaywardson (iconic astronaut AU, written with SUCH care and love, it's so obvious!! and BIG win for john whumpers. who said that -)

Tough And Sweet (Like You And Me) by @johnslittlespoon (sooo fun and creative and inventive, Bikeriders-esque!Gale and a sweeter, more innocent John. really well crafted)

trading paper dolls by ForASecondThereWedWon (Alex draws Gale pinup girl style in the stalag.....John swipes it.... super great fic!)

two slow dancers by everywordnotsaid (unrequited love, John for Gale, through their journey. I genuinely, actually sobbed for a long time at the conclusion of this fic. I am always thinking about this fic. I think it really captures something about the experience of watching the show and realizing in that hopeless, lovesick kind of way that there's no way to go back in time and save all of them. I still get teary whenever I think about this story or hear the song. It's one of those fics that's not just good, not just great, but somehow also really fucking IMPORTANT. this story MATTERS. you should absolutely read it and save it and imprint it onto your heart. I know it's imprinted onto mine.)

Un Chant d’Amour by @counting0nit (really intriguing take on the interrogation center time frame!)

unicorns, and other extinct animals by @spaceshipkat (really, really incredible reading experience. something that actually touches other aspects of my life, even now. I see planes overhead and I think about this fic. I see letters on a table and I think about this fic. just. this author GETS IT, you know? just absolutely nails every aspect of this kind of fic: post-war adjustment, the pain, the LOVE. this fic will make you FEEL it. let it happen.)

Up In Our Bedroom by @steeseman (ICONIC. really one of those pillars of the community type fics, y'know? it's funny and it's sweet and it's painful and the hot parts are HOT. clearly written with SO much care, and SO much love, and SO much precision. every single word packs a punch. absolutely one of my top reads of all time, across time, across fandoms)

When the bones are good by @aramblingjay (a really incredible post-war fic, such a beautiful, rich writing style!! isn't afraid to dig at the hard parts - john's relationship with alcohol, their nightmares from the war. stunning visuals -- the author uses setting and place and motion in such a tangible, real way. I can still see the little hideout spot in my mind's eye, even now. one of those fics that's just. such a treasure to the fandom.)

your dreams, whatever they be by @drylite (this one is super new, and it's just SUCH solid writing!)

You're A Dog (I'm Your Man) by @johnslittlespoon (one of those fics that's a pillar of the fandom for SURE!!! definitely a classic)

[openphrase123]

what are you trying most to communicate in inutile? like, what themes, concepts, emotions do you intend to convey?

so i don't want to show my ENTIRE hand with inutile. and i'm sure the mystery is part of the Fun of it. so instead of me spelling out everything one-by-one. for now i'm just going to ask You a bunch of questions :) and i hope you have fun extrapolating based on how you answer these to yourself!

(one day i will likely do a post-mortem on inutile and what Exactly i was doing. i usually do that for fics. but until then.... here :3)

weird to say but uh. spoilers for my fic below. also isat spoilers. but i feel like if you're reading my fics and isat spoilers bother you then there's another problem happening

so the first thing is just taking inutile at face value - it's a mirabelle looping fic with a few canon divergences. but also if i wanted to do that straight i could have just started with the loops. there's nothing in inutile i've brought up that couldn't be explained in a few flashback chapters, so at first glance it's like... why?what's so important about following mirabelle this far back from canon?

you may notice that siffrin in this fic is being set up with INSANE main character energy. in-game they're written primarily like they're a late-game addition to a long RPG. but in inutile it's like. ohhh you're literally a star from the sky you're so special you're cool and mysterious. you have beef with the euphrasie and the king pre-canon. and yet this entire thing is from the mirabelle POV.

it almost makes you think. why does mirabelle have to be here for this? if i'm worldbuilding the islanders as being Cool Literal Sky People what is mirabelle here for? why is she necessary?

hm. moving on.

yes, she's necessary because she's a sponsor, isn't she? but she's not a sponsor because she's special. she's the one that called siffrin down to earth. she was lonely and dragged someone out of their home to be her friend. siffrin kind of needs her to function, and because she can't help them function in the capacity she's supposed to, he's basically going through a non-looping version of act 5 in the house.

if mirabelle ever learns about this and can hold it in her head for long enough to consider it fully, how do you think that would affect her?

anyway.

so you have a Literal Star From The Sky and Some Random Girl From A Small Village. and the two of them are supposed to be friends.

mirabelle has a lot to see in siffrin. they're cool, they know lots of things, including an entirely forgotten form of craft! they're magic and they help her even if it hurts him to. he's literally here on earth to help her be less lonely. that's their job.

but what good does siffrin see in mirabelle, past the fact that he's written to be magically inclined to seek her out?

one day, this fic will have mirabelle leave the house.

blessed by "the change god", followed by a star, joined by someone who's better at changing than her, someone who's better at craft than her, someone who's better at keeping the team happy than her.

it almost seems like she's... extraneous. unnecessary.

useless.

and that's what inutile is about.

[webslingingslasher]

I'm craving angst right now. like I want my heart to hurt. probably sounding insane right now lmao. brb I'm gonna read your fics to feel the hurt. hope you're doing well <3

does this work? i almost teared up reading this, my brother is going through a really tough break up so this hits different (taylors version.)

You know what part of a break up they never talk about? 

They prepare you for the heartache, and it goes beyond what anyone could try to prepare you for. It’s a pain you’ve never felt before, it was weird experiencing such intense emotional pain it caused physical pain. Everything hurt, your knees were wobbly but your feet felt like lead. Your head was dizzy and painful, your chest was tight and burning, your stomach was in knots. 

It was the worst six weeks of your life. You’d never wish it on anyone, not even your worst enemy, no human should ever experience something that agonizing, ever. 

But the real kicker, the real true gut wrenching, awful, excruciating thing about a break up? 

Is watching them move on. 

Nothing could have prepared you for the gut punch you felt when you saw Peter holding hands with another girl, the air left your lungs entirely. You clawed at your throat gasping for air, you felt like you were about to pass out. 

Because it hit, reality hit. 

Peter wasn’t yours. 

He wasn’t yours anymore and you can’t pretend he would come back, he may have broken up with you but there was always that silent prayer that he’d come back, begging for a second chance, pleading that he didn’t know what he was doing, he didn’t mean it. 

That would never happen, he has someone else now. 

Someone who’s going to touch him like you did, someone who’s going to feel like arms tracing down your body like he did, someones who’s going to laugh at him like you did, someone who’s going to hold his hand and kiss his face and give him hugs and play with his hair and wear his clothes and go on dates and feel his skin. 

Someone’s who's going to love him like you do. 

It wasn’t right, you felt betrayed, how could he do this? 

Doesn’t he know he’s not supposed to move on until both people fall out of love? 

Doesn’t he know you’re never going to fall out of love? 

You feel like you’re about to have a panic attack, how did he do it? How did he just leave it all behind? How can he act like it didn’t affect him too, like the meteor strike didn’t hit? 

You need to go home, you need to go home and crawl into bed and not leave until you can mentally prepare yourself enough to see him, see him with another girl. 

See him happy. 

Didn’t he know you were supposed to be the one that made him happy? 

He was the one that made you happy, you haven’t smiled in months. 

Peter left and took your joy with him, he’s given it to someone else now. 

You feel your legs move but you’re not in control, flight is taking control and you’re backpedaling out of the school doors, you take yourself all the way home and curl under the blankets, nothing feels right or normal or fine. 

And no matter how hard you try, you can’t stop watching them hold hands, can’t stop seeing Peter’s thumb swipe across the back of her hand like he did yours, six weeks ago. Even the tears seeping out couldn’t blur the vision. 

You wanted to text him. 

You’d imagine what you’d say. 

How did you move on so quickly? 

Do you ever miss us? 

Why did it happen like that? 

What happened to us? 

Did the love affair maim you too? 

I haven’t slept since that Tuesday you ended it. 

No, they wouldn’t bring closure, and you needed that, didn’t you? 

You pick up your phone, his contact still has a heart by it.

 The day you erase it is the day you die.

You give in, maybe if he knows how much you’re willing to change it’ll work. 

‘I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy anymore, but I tried.’ 

‘I know you did.’ 

You didn’t need to say anything else, he already did. 

It wasn’t enough. 

[bougiebutchbinch]

Okay so I don’t think my ask went thru bc I sent a link to a fic and I forgot that Tumblr doesn’t like actual links on anon. Anyways, ignore this if you still received the other one! I saw this fic and immediately thought you’d devour it… but I saw someone else already sent it to you! (The professional dom one :3)

I cannot stress enough how much that fic makes me insane. I had to close my laptop screen no less than six times so I could walk away and gather myself before continuing on. Because holy crap. Anyway! I also read another fic that I thought you would like, however, it is a Scott/Logan fic. I’m not sure if you jive with that so I’m not going to link it here unless you’re chill with it. 

Top!Logan who mauls the life out of his very willing, very enthusiastic partners will always be something I will eat up like a fish deprived of water. I don’t have many mutuals who vibe with poolverine as hard as I do that I can send these to, so as the designated Top!Logan and Trans!Poolverine connoisseur of this corner of the internet… I am gently placing this on your doorstep. 

It is so solidified in my mind that Logan will try to devour his partners whole if they’re wanting and willing. He wants to bite and claim what’s his. But I also see him wanting that exact same energy back. If you will allow me to elaborate here for a brief minute:

Logan would want to feel like he belongs to someone else just as much as he wants his beloveds to belong to him. In this case, Wade. He and Wade are obviously matched in ways that others cannot even begin to comprehend. Wade matches his crazy, as Logan matches his. Physically, mentally, spiritually, these two are made for each other. 

That being said, Logan would be just as disappointed that he cannot be marked as he is that Wade cannot be marked—not for more than a few seconds, at least. But does that stop them? Fuck no. Absolutely not. 

The pair of them getting to it, approaching a state of mind that could only be described as delirious off one another, and Logan is holding the back of Wade’s neck, lifting him up a little so he can kiss his dearest, his beloved, his Wade.

It’s a biting kiss, more teeth than anything, but it’s loving. Wade knows it’s how Logan gets when he’s in the heat of the moment, but there isn’t anywhere else he’d rather be. But when Logan pulls back, he keeps Wade’s face close to his neck and shoulder and states with no room for argument or doubt… “bite.” And who's Wade to say no to him? Especially when he says it like that... the man makes a very compelling argument.

Anyway! Logan would want to be claimed in return. Their healing factors certainly get in the way sometimes, but they’re smart. They can get creative with it. It’s been ages I feel since I sent that ask about the dog tags… but I think you get the idea. They have options, and they have all the time in the world to figure out a way to make it stick. Logan is nothing if not loyal and hopelessly devoted to the people he loves. *^-^*

I LOVE ALL OF THIS TIMES A THOUSAND!!!!!

I'm sorry for not answering your previous ask - I get a lot of asks, but my spoon-level is VERY variable. I'm dealing with a lot of academic work on top of my already hectic and unpredictable work schedule! That + disabilities means that lots of EXCELLENT content gets buried in my askbox, because I just do not have the energy to scroll through some days.

It's not a comment on the quality of the content in any way, or my enjoyment of it! Just a miserable effect of The Disabilities Being Disabling. I can't change my inability to look at every ask - but I do genuinely apologise.

But GODDDD yes, I love that fic SO MUCH. It ate my brain, spat it back out, then ate it again.

I'm not into Scogan.... YET. But I could be convinced!!!

And - YEAH. I am just incapable of seeing Logan as anything BUT helplessly devoted in his love <3 man is so desperate to care for people and shower them with affection and bring them happiness - even if it's hidden beneath a very gruff exterior!

[ichiners]

Why iro doesnt get along (my thoughts on them)

Ichimatsu at the very beginning was marketed as unpredictable and kind of insane bc he didn’t reveal his thoughts to people and would happily join in to torment someone else. 

But they still kept playing with that concept of him being an unsociable beast. Just bc his brothers know he’s a softie doesn’t mean everyone else does! And just because he’s a softie doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his mean streaks! 

By the second season, Ichimatsu-sama was pretty much gone. Scrubbed clean of his unfriendly persona for whatever reason– but within canon there has to be some kind of explanation.

I like to think Ichimatsu got tired of doing it (pretending is hard when you’re a depressed introvert, even if you’re doing it for the bit).

So now he’s just some guy that likes cats and has social anxiety. He still keeps his thoughts and feelings to himself.

Initially, Karamatsu’s flamboyance was played up extremely. He was too confident for how tacky and loud he was. He legitimately couldn’t read the room. Karamatsu is met with different levels of exasperation (most notably from 110– the most self aware guys of the bunch).

This really really irritated Ichimatsu. S1e16 revealed he was jealous of him (and that osomatsu is a really good way to break their tension. If you’re ever stuck finishing an iro conversation, osomatsu’s like really annoying social lubricant).

He’s both jealous bc he wants that confidence and appalled because how can someone parade themselves like that? Karamatsu’s confidence is something that can be marveled at, but isn’t something a lot of people would realistically try to copy.

So what’s their deal?

I see a lot of people try to write iro bond over their shared struggles. They’re both easy to bulldoze and they try to hold their tongue until they can’t anymore. Funnily enough, they’ll still use each other when possible. They either haven’t realized how similar they are, or they just don’t care (most likely the latter).

What makes them the most similar is the fact that they’re avoidant of their problems. They’re shy. They’re introverted. They both prefer to be told what to do. They don’t like voicing their true opinion.

So what makes them different and unable to get along with each other? Their levels of self awareness and emotional intelligence. 

Ichimatsu can and will read the room. Karamatsu will choose to do it whenever it’s most convenient for him. He chose to read the room during the Ichimatsu incident, because he wanted to avoid embarrassing both himself and Ichimatsu. He chose not to see what was potentially going on when Choromatsu dyed his hair, because the situation doesn’t affect him at all. He couldn’t have known what was going on, but instead of taking a second to see if something was going on, he bulldozed the conversation and made everything worse. 

 More than anything though, it’s their preferred method of coping with their insecurities. 

So if they’re similar, why are they so awkward with each other?

The main reason why people have such a hard time making them relate to each other ( there are a lot of contrived fic ideas to make them bond) is bc they both would rather die than open up to someone like themselves.

Both of them already have a hard time opening up to others (esp nyanko; pizza) and if they’re going to go through the trouble of opening up to someone they’re not going to do it with someone who can’t or won’t help them.

Ichimatsu’s entirely too awkward to be of help to anyone and Karamatsu doesn’t have the emotional capacity to handle other people’s feelings in a sincere way. He might care, but caring isn’t always enough to make the situation better. People that are emotionally avoidant the way they are can’t help others out very much.

Karamatsu can help out if you’re having a bad day but he can’t help out if you’re depressed. He’s not the kind of person who can treat a root cause. Ichimatsu might give making your bad day better a shot, but he’s easily discouraged. He, too, is not equipped to handle something as permanent and prevalent as mental illness. 

Ichimatsu prefers extroverts (see: jyushimatsu, osomatsu) and karamatsu prefers people who are capable of socializing (see: totty, osomatsu, choromatsu). 

They’re also both passive characters and want to be led. Karamatsu wants to lead under very limited circumstances. He’ll lead when someone is below him on the hierarchy, even if they’re normally higher than him or more socially dominant (ep s1e24; s2 beach episode when they’re looking at girls). He would much rather be told what to do (within reason).

Ichimatsu steps up when there’s an opportunity and when he absolutely has to. Or he has to be fed up with the situation. Or there’s a chance to make fun of someone. He’s not immune to the hivemind and enjoys actively participating in it like everyone else. 

Otherwise he’d rather not be involved.

Tldr; it's very hard for iro to get along. Not impossible, but theyre the type to have fleeting moments of peace more so than a consistently pleasant relationship. Even if they wanted to get along they have 4 other brothers that are substantially easier to get along with.

[dnfao3tags]

Monthly Fic Roundup - March 2023

hellooooo :]

if you liked the fic, dont forget to kudos and leave a comment (no matter how small) !

— Do Androids Dream of Poetry? by ABirdWithoutFeathers (teen | comp. | 3k)

> Happy birthday!! Who are you? > My name is George! it is so, so nice to finally meet you. What is a birthday? > It’s the anniversary of the day you come into existence, when you start being. Today is your very first day in the world. Oh. Well, what do I do now?

— like slush & kissing by findingahome (teen | comp. | 2k)

Dream eats all of the frozen mangos; chaos ensues.

— kiss me like your fantasy by astroscythe (teen | comp. | 3k)

George asks Dream to help him practice kissing, and Dream is too (jealous) nice to say 'no.'

— purple (you've had too much) by crabnap (expl. | comp. | 8k)

Dream learns something new about George after a night of drinking. He can’t get it out of his head.

— i'll take what i can get by demonstars (mature | comp. | 20k)

George going insane, in full resolution.

— all of you, a verb in perfect view by findingahome (mature | wip | 11k+)

despite being soulmates, they do nothing about it (well, okay, maybe not nothing).

— infinitely ordinary by twostorms (teen | comp. | 5k)

3 times George and Dream's secret relationship isn't much of a secret—and the one time that it is.

— karma is a cat purring in my lap by jack_not_found (gen | comp. | 2k)

Patches misses George while he's away.

— from the outside by nervouswaltz (gen | comp. | 3k)

Tina and George find some common ground in the stupidity of boys.

— one way ticket by dizzy (expl. | comp. | 60k)

George's family tells him he has to either get a job or go back to school... so in May of 2019 he applies to university in Florida and shows up on Dream's doorstep. Neither of them are really expecting Dream's youtube channel to blow up just after George moves in.

— invisible string by womanhunt (mature | comp. | 4k)

The sight is one that leaves him lightheaded. George is in his chain, and the way it looks sitting against his neck is breathtaking. “Now we match.” George seems elated at the idea, reaching out to squeeze Dream’s thigh as he says it. “Well, I mean,” Dream responds, unable to tear his eyes away from the chain. “Not really. They’re not, like, exactly the same.” “We match, Dream.” George emphasizes, reaching up to hold the chain around his own neck between his fingers.

— Cartwheel by ivegivenuponyou (expl. | comp. | 5k)

George gets too drunk and can't help but let everything fall apart.

— you'd be glad to say you know me (satisfaction guaranteed) by lovestruckdaggers (teen | comp. | 7k)

george is head over heels for the witty morning announcer in his school, dream. he also despises clay, the guy who keeps stealing his seat in compsci. shenanigans ensue.

— covid fics by tippysleeps (series | 4 works | teen, mature, expl. x 2 | 6k)

fics written when diseased. quality may vary.

— The Indiscriminate Indulgence of Morning Affection by lasciviess (expl. | comp. | 8k)

People can only withstand so much before they eventually give in, and that's exactly what Dream and George are: run-of-the-mill people who also happen to have been painfully infatuated with each other for somewhere between two and five years. The night that they finally break, it's like every single thing falls into place between them and the world finally snaps to its axis. Despite the fact that so many questions and uncertainties still remain when George wakes up the next morning, he knows that everything will eventually be alright as he watches Dream sleep the minutes away. What he doesn't know is exactly how much the stolen clothing he wears will affect Dream the moment he wakes up, and exactly how the man he just admitted to loving will choose to deal with it.

— out of focus by lodestones (gen | comp. | 3k)

The first time Hannah suspects that there’s something between Dream and George, she convinces herself she’s just reading into things.

— in the place of you & me by Orlaith (expl. | wip | 4k+)

Dream and George dated in 2019, but George, insecure and a world away, ended things. Now it's 2022, George is moving to Florida, and neither of them ever really stopped loving the other.

— every doorway and doorframe by wooowriter (mature | comp. | 36k)

in the interim of waiting to be with Dream, George starts sleeping with Wilbur.

— tonight i'll sleep with the dream of you by charoo (gen | comp. | 3k)

five times george fell in love with dream in person and the one time he realized dream had fallen in love with him.

— show me all your rings by preytall (expl. | comp. | 1k)

"Why're you looking at me like that?" Dream almost doesn't hear the words for the shape of his mouth as it forms them, and his response is reflexive, buying time: "Like what?" A laugh, some of its punch undercut by his panting, because Dream is still stroking him. "Like I've got something on my face." "You do." He could play it off but opts to play into it, instead. "You have two eyes... a nose... a mouth..." It's lame and obvious; George smiles, anyway, and shakes his head slightly. "Which one, Dream?" "Your mouth," Dream admits.

— the thought of it’s enough by mieldoux (expl. | comp. | 15k)

Dream and George haven’t had sex, but they’ve toed the line a few times.

[our-future-is-up-to-us-2]

Instincts

Aaaaaaaaa we've got more!! Hyperfixations going fucking crazy mode @narcosfandomdiscord so we have another fic (number 14 <3)

Prompt #14, Book Of Decisions, Decisions, Decisions... Crossover for 2(+) fandoms you have used before but 2(+) characters you’ve never used or vice versa

The two fandoms used before: TLOU & The Day Of The Jackal 

The two characters never used before: David & Bianca Pullman 

Word Count: 753

Relationships: Ellie & Joel, Bianca Pullman & Joel, Bianca Pullman & Ellie

Warnings: Gun violence, character death, vaguely going through the David Incident At Silver Lake

~ Read the fic under the cut ~

Screaming, screaming, screaming! 

It’s all Bianca hears. 

She doesn’t even know why she’s here. First, off to London, then, switch to Tallinn, then, leave Vincent over there and drag her to fucking America for some anonymous case?! Someone remotely connected to The Jackal? In America? 

Are her team just idiots, all along? Do they really distrust her that much? She doesn’t understand how she got here, and why she even complied. Hidden in the snow, as she hears screams of bloody murder. 

She doesn’t even know who she’s looking for, and Bianca Pullman cares about sources, reliability. She hears the people screaming in some barnhouse, fighting it out, yelling at the top of her lungs. 

“I’ll kill you for what you did, I’ll kill you!” She hears first from a man, and her instincts tell her that she’ll maim the other. 

Until she hears exactly who the other is. 

A stranger, of course, everyone is a stranger to her in America. Silver Lake, fucking hell, she wants to leave and not just stay here, holding her fucking fire. 

But she sounds… Far too vulnerable. Far too young. Like she’s only trying to survive, like she’s the one in danger, and the man is actually insane. 

She watches as they bicker, the girl’s holding a knife, ready to attack, and he’s towering over her. 

The girl looks no older than fifteen. And the man, so much older… Bianca is not affected by much, but there’s something about it that makes her stomach turn into knots.  

One thing leads to another and a fire sets ablaze, taking everything down with it in haste. That’s when Bianca draws closer to the scene, after all, she’s not a sniper. 

And the world feels like it’s thrown into disarray, complete chaos as she sticks to the entrance of the barnhouse, and the screaming is getting louder, and the MI6 agent just has to wait. 

Waiting, waiting, waiting– 

The girl lunges for her knife, dropped in a tussle, and she’s fully prepared to kill, some savage and survivalist instinct rising inside of her. 

BANG! 

And the man, only known to her as a dead body, falls to the ground. 

The girl screams some more and drops the knife, racing for the exit. She runs straight past Bianca, doesn’t even notice her, and instead, runs towards a different man. 

This other man, rugged and wounded himself, scoops the little girl up into his arms. “It’s me, it’s me!” He’s soothing as she thrashes, “It’s me, Ellie, it’s Joel–” 

Ellie and Joel.  She locks the names into her mind and lets out a quiet sigh. 

“I didn’t–” Ellie sobs, gesturing to her face, covered with the blood that spurted from Bianca’s shot, “I didn’t even do anything, I was about to, and I wanted to, and it’s–” 

“It’s ok, babygirl…” Joel’s breathing is slow, steady, “I’ve got you. I’ve got you, babygirl.” 

He carefully withdraws from their embrace and lowers her to the ground, squeezing her hand. He looks up and sees a figure, lurking by the barnhouse door. 

“Get the fuck away.” Joel tells the woman. 

Bianca shakes her head. 

“I’ll kill you, I swear.” He repeats, voice level. Ellie lets out erratic breaths, shivering behind his leg. “If you take one more step towards her, towards us–” 

“Bianca Pullman. MI6.” She says quietly, “I took the shot. Your ‘babygirl’ just had to suffer a little… Why was she even here? Did you even see how dangerous that motherfucker was?”

“Yeah.” Ellie whispers, not daring to touch her face where the blood has stained her, “Yeah. He tried to do unspeakable things to me, lady– Bianca. So don’t even try anything. He took me against my own will.” 

 Joel outstretches a hand for her to take, and the little girl doesn’t hesitate to reach for it, squeezing tight. 

“Why the fuck are you here?” The man rubs a hand over his face. “MI6… Isn’t that a British thing? The hell did they send you here for?” 

“Don’t even ask.” Bianca blinks, pocketing her gun. “Just be grateful I saved your fucking lives.” 

She treks out through the snow, supposedly following some directions she’s been given. The MI6 will protect her, she has people, contacts, back in London. They make sure that she’s safe from any given operation. 

But, Joel reminds himself, as he squeezes Ellie’s hand again, and as they walk in the opposite direction to Bianca. We’re not like that… We’re different, and all we have is each other. 

[practically-an-x-man]

Director’s commentary on Broken Pieces?👀👀👀

I’m still insane about it a week later

Oooooh, absolutely!! This was one of my favorite fics to write, we're gonna have fun with this one >:)

Link to the ask game here, link to the original fic here (heavy whump warning to those who haven't read it)

And of course... we're putting this under the cut for space, cause I'm about to ramble HARD.

____

Eris hummed a half-conscious affirmative and turned over in the bed, pausing only to snatch the pillow from Rick’s side of the bed and bury his face in it. Maybe these past few years had softened him, spending damn near every night asleep in bed like any other human. There were only three reasons the habit had stuck: sleep felt good, being well-rested kept her strong and agile, and… Rick. The nights, in the quiet and the solitude, were about the only time she could allow herself to be soft for him. And most people spent a third of their lives asleep - that was whole years carved from his already-limited lifespan to be spent apart, unless of course they spent it with him.

It's always interesting to see how Rick softens Eris through them living together. Their relationship is really unlike anything I've ever written before, and if you ever decide to read the other pieces in their collection, you'll notice a running theme of "actions speak louder than words". Eris loves to poke fun at Rick and rarely expresses their affection verbally. But at the same time, he's always looking to protect Rick from threats when they're in battle, he chooses to share an apartment and even a bed with him though they could live anywhere they want to, she allows herself to be perceived by him in these quieter moments (when she only ever lets others see her as sharp and contrary), and he proves that he knows Rick's habits, likes, and dislikes almost as well as Rick knows them himself.

Rick of course is candid about his affection towards Eris, in both words and actions, but Eris' is shown simply in the fact that they, a being known for conflict and battle and violence, choose be gentle with him.

Eris blinked in the darkness, forcing his eyes to make sense of the shadows. For just an instant they shuddered, their vision rippling faintly before resolving into crisper focus. She slid out of the bed like a whisper through the night, hackles raised.

Not sure how clear this was to someone newer to Eris as a character, but she's utilizing her shape-changing here. He's just shifted his eyes into that of a lion's, his other form, so that he can see more clearly in the darkness. I wanted to make this subtle, since I felt that more detail would break the tension of the scene, but I also wanted to show Eris instinctively making use of their assets in an uncertain scenario.

Something shifted from behind him, and cold metal kissed his skin for the briefest instant before sliding easily into his flesh. Eris felt a momentary burst of pain- then absolutely nothing, as the knife danced between his cervical vertebrae and his whole body went slack.

Funny enough, this little moment is inspired by one of my favorite book series of all time, the Market of Monsters series by Rebecca Schaeffer. It's a sci-fi series that places cryptids and mythological creatures from around the world into the modern world, and it gets super dark at times!! In the third book, the main character paralyzes a vampire (known to heal so quickly a straight fight would be almost impossible) by slipping a knife between his cervical vertebrae, then leaving the knife there so he can't heal the tissues and regain movement.

Anyway, it's a fantastic book series, highly recommend for a whump fan such as yourself. I could go on a whole separate ramble about why I love that series, from the spec-bio to the casual diversity to just how exciting the plot is.

“It’s awake.” someone said. Eris’ eyes found the source of the voice quickly - a bespectacled doctor in a bloodstained lab coat, holding something red and visceral in his gloves.

Ah yes, That Moment. I intended for this to be one of the most chilling moments of the fic - the moment the reader realizes they're in for some damn dark whump, and the moment Eris realizes they may genuinely have been outplayed. And of course, the first sign that the scientists don't see him as anything more than a mass of tissue.

His ribs had been opened, splayed to either side and baring his entrails to the air. There was a lot of blood- and a lot of pain, though he sensed that his body was blocking the worst of it to keep him lucid. Already they could feel their tissues straining to regenerate, staunching blood and building new tissue where their organs had been taken from them.

This was actually the moment I based the whole fic around. I had the mental image of a highly regenerative meta being forced to literally look at their own organs being removed, with their ribs opened like it was a high school dissection, and I effectively built the rest of the story around it. Technically this fic is listed as being based on a two-line prompt, but the truth is that I had this concept a few days before and then fit the prompt into it.

The doctor drove a scalpel into the delicate skin of their throat. The blow was deep but well-placed, and Eris’ voice cut off with a creak and a spray of blood. The blond wiped off his blade with a look of satisfaction on his face.

Another moment here based on the Market of Monsters series :) Same book, same characters, same chapter even. The main character gets tired of the vampire droning on and decides to silence him by severing his vocal cords with a scalpel. It's just so undeniably cold, it's such an incredible villain moment to me.

Yet their strength fled. Their vision swam, blurring into loose smears of color. The sharpness of blades in her abdominal cavity softened to only a vague, dreamlike pressure. They’d begun to suspect it wasn’t only nutrients being introduced to their blood. Eris let out a weak groan, only dimly noticing that her vocal cords had sewn themselves back together.

If they were at full strength, the sedative wouldn't have much of an effect on Eris. His healing factor is fast enough to nullify most drugs and alcohols, excluding only the ones intentionally made for metas with rapid healing factor like his own. This effect here is a combination of two things: a sedative made for metas specifically, and Eris' body being focused on regenerating the vital needs first.

Unless Rick had been killed. In the scope of this operation, what was one more body? And surely these doctors would know that he’d come for them, that he’d stop at nothing to rescue her. It was possible, even likely, that they’d slashed him down the moment he stepped out to investigate the music. There was a sharper tug, deep in her chest, and one of the scientists drew back with something glistening in his hands. Eris watched his heart kick out a few dying beats as the doctor placed it into an ice chest. It left him feeling hollow, drained and empty though the device on the cart kept his blood coursing steadily through his body. He wondered, distantly, how much of him was left, and how much they’d already carved away.

Genuinely my favorite little moment in this fic, and nobody seems to have picked up on it from just a raw read as of yet: Eris' heart is removed immediately after they assume Rick has been killed. How's that symbolism for ya?

It was terrifying to be seen this way, merely parts of a whole. For all her life, for every torture she’d been put through over the centuries, there was nothing quite like this. In a strange way, the indifference was worse than maliciousness. Anger was personal, directed. Anger required her to be seen as a person- or if not a person then a monster, an animal, but a living thing. And Eris thrived in conflict. But this? This was impersonal. Impartial. He might as well have been a side of beef in a butcher’s shop. He couldn’t draw off their anger because there was no anger to draw off of. They silenced him, cut his vocal cords and removed his lungs, because they didn’t want to admit he was a conscious creature.

Another reason Eris is weaker here than they normally would be - it's not just that he thrives in conflict emotionally, his powers literally draw off of it. Her healing gets faster, her reflexes get sharper, she grows more powerful. The fact that these scientists don't have any emotional connection to her, positive or negative, is genuinely more detrimental to her than if they'd been angry and careless about the injuries they caused.

On a deeper level, I wanted to make it clear that Eris is genuinely in a situation where they can do nothing, and the details just stack up against them. They're too injured to shape-change without ripping themself apart, their body spends so much energy healing that the sedative affects them heavily, there's no ambient conflict or anger to boost their powers, and the one person who would immediately jump to their rescue rather than assuming they could escape on their own (Rick) might already be dead. Eris is an incredibly strong and capable metahuman, especially in conflict, but literally everything in this situation plays against them.

“Eris- c’mon, darlin’, talk to me. You still in there? Tell me you’re still with me, wartime, please.”

Not really director's commentary, but can you imagine how it must feel on Rick's end to encounter this? I mean, he's seen them heal from all kinds of gruesome injuries, but they're literally hanging from chains with their ribs opened, missing most of their organs, and barely even conscious enough to look in his direction. The metahuman who he thought to be effectively immortal is now closer to death than he has ever seen them. That's legitimately scarring.

“You’re lucky I love you, Flag,” she muttered, “This sort of extortion would get anyone else killed, you know.”

Two comments on this:

They're not kidding. If Eris doesn't want to do something, she doesn't do it. If someone tries to press the issue, they're likely to end up killed- or at the very, very least, abandoned where they stood. It goes back again to that theme of actions speaking louder than words: Eris listens to Rick here, and with shockingly little argument.

2. In all of the fics I have written for Eris, they only ever say "I love you" three times (I literally checked this in my master document for their fics). Once here, after the deepest whump I've ever written. Once in Lost Gods, in which Eris is confronted by an eldritch monster that nullifies their healing factor and they genuinely feel that both he and Rick will die. And once in a heavy angst snippet, in which Rick dies right in front of them (it's a low-grade AU for the sake of angst). Technically I have them saying it once more, in an outline for a future piece following the battle with Peacemaker in Corto Maltese (in my version of it, Eris intervenes but Rick still gets badly hurt, and would have died without a blood transfusion from Eris' regeneration-rich blood), but I haven't written that piece yet. [Side-side-side note here, the scientists talking about how a meta's blood can boost an ordinary person's healing is also a setup for that piece, since I like to establish things early and keep them consistent so it doesn't end up feeling like a deus ex machina] Either way, that should give you some scope for how rarely Eris expresses their feelings candidly through words. Eris still does express affection verbally, but it's usually either subtle ("Can you put your seatbelt on?" in A Fool's Errand, or "I just want to keep you around, Flag" in Acrimony) or possessive ("You're mine. Until they put you in the ground, you're mine." in Whatever Keeps You Around, or a similar sentiment in that same angst snippet I talked about before). Eris' softer moments are told through actions, not words. The times when they do use words so candidly are almost always the times one or both of them are in grave danger and they might not get another chance to express those feelings.

[scp-ao3-author]

Hi! Do you have any stories about the origin of something you wrote?

OH OH OH OH OKAY

SO UHHH LETS JUST DO THEM ALL

Lightning:

Lightning was my first attempt at a 100k fic. its currently on anonymous because I have a firm belief that A Certain Author is reading my work and that is very scary. There was an actual draft that made it TO 100k, but the plot sucked?

Like I detailed every moment of Y/N from birth to SCP Foundation because I was a very "Grrr... Accuracy" guy. and then I had an entire subplot between y/n and kondraki, which inevitably fails. there was a whole thing of Y/n's brain being fried from amnestics and someone was like "this is actually stupid :/" so i ended up rewriting it with whatever I pulled from my ass.

Confession booth:

Confession booth was supposed to be a crack fic. surprise surprise. my (ex) friend wanted me to write a crack fic of clef in a priest outfit. but he didnt seem... like the kind of guy to just do that for no reason? at least back then I figured him to be like that guy. since then, I have grown to learn more about clef so in hindsight, I would like to rewrite some of my older stories to be more fitting. But I made a plot to rationalize Priest Clef and well. thats what was created.

Hold The Line:

I was maladaptive Daydreaming to Give and Take by Poor Mans Poison and i thought I was going to die if i didnt share the thoughts in my head.

The Only World You Know:

I got tired of Iceberg being shitty and pathetic with no backstory. Had to flesh that sad little milkshake

Take the seeds:

Fin.

Memory:

I always had the headcanon that Francis had legitimately worked in the Foundation as a system well before taking control as Dr. Clef. But one of the questions that always begged in my head was like... How would he have reacted with the other staff? I experimented with Kondraki, who also went through his original change. The idea of Kondraki being part of the Montauk Procedure and spiraling actually came from Author Kondraki's old blog. the rest I pulled out my ass with the help of a few friends. The original story was supposed to be "They hate each other, but begrudgingly are forced to get along. thats it." but people were ADAMANT about making them fall in love. it was mildly uncomfortable but i rolled with it and i will admit. I kind of like how it turned out apart from the last chapter.

Its Like Dying:

I wanted to write a followup to Memory about how Francis affected Kondraki's life in such a way that when Kondraki finally realized he cared, it had been too late to actually follow through on that. He takes this out towards Clef, the man who suddenly appeared after Francis Dissapeared, but eventually learns to accept when something is gone forever, and hopefully when i get around to it again, he will move towards actually accpeting clef into his life, not knowing that hes the only other person who will treat him like hes not insane for knowing Francis Existed.

I Am Ready To See You Again:

its supposed to be like a ressurection idea not FOR resurrection but similar. they wake up, everything is new and strange. and different. but as they explore the memory of their previous lifetime goes away, and they have to adjust to their own world. It centers mainly around A Major what with their multi universal knowledge? the idea was SUPPOSED to be that at least. I got the intro out and.... I lost all my notes apart from "Gears finds 173"

They Dont Even Have Dental:

This was supposed to be a silly joke seminar about Clef hating the GOC for not having dental, a running gag between some of my friend groups. its like an unspoken agreement. that place sucks, they dont have dental. and then i planted a cute little bit of plot at the end for an... upcoming show im working on. dw. ill share the script.

when its done.

Francis Disturbed:

OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING.

HHHH OKAY SO.

this was built off of a million headcanons swirling in my little head, but the final headcanon that broke the google doc was this:

Francis was a premature baby.

lemme break this one down im a bit excited lol

in 4231, Francis loved lily. alot. and it hurt him because she hurt him, but he stayed nonetheless. that, plus having DID? probably meant that it was VERY unlikely he had a stable family life growing up. dads out of the picture, type greenery adapted at a young age... you know? it adds up. then there was the stuff about agora. I thought...

I honestly thought that Agora was laying the self-shaming and "I should have killed my son" stuff a bit... i hated it. Like it was good but it rubbed me the wrong way a little and after a moment im like... "What if... i worked with that idea?" and created a story about Francis' childhood dynamic. this is where it gets fun:

Ive been planning the next chapter for a little while now, but this all happened during a time period in which I did not EXIST, so i have to go around my writing carefully. the next chapter is going to be the after effects of what... Agora... Did... and after THAT we get to see Francis entering the GOC, and what happened to him in the Ichabod Campaign.

it gets a little funny there was going to be a bit where ukulele gets a balloon tied to his arm so his team can find him off-missions.

Now. this wont make sense, until you SEE the chapter but... I cant continue writing the story until I get a physical copy of IT by stephen king....

and i dont live near a library or book shop OR thrift store that has it.

And I hate amazon.

A Different Shade OF Green:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OH GOD

HHHHH lemme grab my notes uhhhh ADSOG has been planned for a WHILE

ACTUALLY HERES THE DRAFT

FAIR WARNING: TREAT this story like it is NOT the actual bones of ADSOG on AO3. I kind of just kept rambling, I wanted an arc for a story where Blackbird takes an interest into Francis, but it ultimately doesn't work out, ukulele appears more. Adam is a dick. Ten is more active in the story too. there's SO many differences between this and the actual story. AND the format is FUCKED

ADSOG was supposed to be a single one shot, where seven confronted clef about his issues. She responds to his dickish behavior by shoving a spoon into his face, and he replies by biting into it and slowly chewing it while they make eye contact. that was ALL the story was supposed to be. then i was like "I like the barber scene." that is actually a one shot on its own that i just blended into the draft and main story. there are SO gonna be more scenes in the main story where francis is stimmming. at some point or another though i had at one point built SO many one shot stories on them that i just said fuck it and made it all one big story and

oh my god.

you are going to cry at the ending.

Orangechild:

uhh this was actually a full narrative but then i hit up @tickedtimebomb and was like "give me a line that fucks and ill turn it into a poem" and that's how I got "and then i fed the world my soul" WHICH IS ALSO REFRENCED IN THE DRAFT OF ADSOG

idk if anyone's noticed or not but i have a million little red strings tying all of my story together. :D

intervention:

fin

eye for an eye:

Eye for an eye was created with the ongoing concept of "4231-a comes back, how will clef react?" but instead of the "he would cry and die" I decided to go for a "He's going to be pissed."

it is a vacation:

I had a silly idea of the doctors being sent to antarctica and i played with it a little with mattastr0phic because I wanted myriad in the story. I had another friend who helped me with the iceberg bit too. <3

in cod we trust:

I just wanted to give Cimmerian some shit.

apples and oranges:

I take commissions for writing. I was paid to make this, that doesn't mean I don't love it though i have EVERY chapter preplanned. as of right now, unfortunately, I am on pause for my writing because I burned myself a little bit on regular writing and am just sticking to script writing for some *cough* shows.

Ketchup and Mustard:

I am preparing for something called a "Kingson bomb" which is: whenever i have an extra amount of money laying around, I grab some artists and nab them to make Kingson commissions, thus making a small vault of Kingson art. when I reach an unholy large amount, I'm going to blast @finiffy with it and fucking kill them. one of the people I commissioned said something along the lines of "They are so ketchup and mustard to me" and well. I had to do it.

Bear your tombstone:

The idea for this story was actually the fact that it was supposed to be its own chapter in Francis disturbed, but i got WAY to excited making it to the point I just uploaded it on its own.

Seventeen minutes:

i wanted to autism code kondraki and have others see my vision.

Something New:

I want a story similar to Memory, I am specifically making this in honor of Amones, who has absolutely INCREDIBLE art!!!!!

THEY ARE ALSO MAKING A REALLY COOL VIDEO GAME AKFSJDKLF

tales of a greyhound stranger:

THIS story was inspired by 4231 and personal experience, but not in a sad way. 4231 briefly mentions that Francis rides on the Greyhound, a bus station that's prominent in Europe and America. I also ride greyhound (and will be going partially across country in about a month) and sometimes when you use the bus system, you come across some... REALLY interesting people. I think Francis had a beautiful time traveling and ended up having fun once in a while with others. I think he deserves nice things.

[okthatsgreat]

i am GRABBING YOU and SHAKING YOU. did you know your mikane is the craziest. did you. did you know that. last chapter drove me so far up the wall i am still yet to calmndown...... poor mikan. imagine ur emotionally repressed gf runs away again only for two children w the exact same problem to come barging through your door.

i have so many things to ask........ but i shan't ask them all. please please tell me anything about ur ideas for mikane in general or in oppdmh bc they're the most crazy insane yuri ever. OH RIGHT YEAH AND. the actual question. obviously opddmh mikan still struggles with anxiety, but how do you think she's changed in mentality and issues after everything that came after danganronpa? any issues outgrown or gained? morphed in some way? love ur work so much every time. u made me pause my utena rewatch and that is such a big compliment u do not even know

GRABS YOU SHAKES YOUSHAKESYOU SHAKES YOU SHAKES YOU

talking about this fic, as always putting the answer under read more for people who dont wanna read lol!!!!!!!

OHHH MY GOD IM INSANE ABOUT THEMM. went into this fic knowing that i wanted mikan and akane to have their own povs because i thought theyd bring different perspectives, especially in comparison to makoto's pov. i knew what i wanted mikans story to involve and i had a vague idea about akanes (fun fact rantaro was originally gonna be kaito LOL) and then like two chapters into writing mikans point of view i was like waiiiitttt a minute. wait a minute hold on. what if they were in love. and what if they were so not normal about it

it made so much sense for the story i wanted both of them to tell that immediately i went into my notes and started pivoting a few things LMFAO. i just think that their relationship (or their pining at least lol) is able to neatly underline some of their core themes/issues in this fic, whether that be for better or for worse. through the lens of their relationship im hoping to convey mikan's sheer capacity of worry and insecurity, how she finds it difficult to move through life without another person to rely on even if she has done a bit of growing since the simulator and how that dependency affects her. and then of course akane's emotional repression is highlighted through their relationship (her forgetfulness, her inability to communicate, LEAVING all of the time), but also it's a great reminder of just how protective akane can get even if she isn't there. not to mention how worried she gets about mikan despite her absolute refusal to worry.

they care about each other to the point of unspoken codependency and while it is absolutely making both of them feel safe and happy it is still a reminder of their underlying problems. akane would do anything to avoid somebody thinking she is weak enough to be cared for. but all mikan can do is care and care and care about her. both of them are so willing to shoulder the problems of the other but neither of them want to be seen as burdens, so all they end up doing is silently dance around their issues until eventually somebody caves. INSANE YURI MOMENT

mikan still absolutely has anxiety LMFAO and dare i say..... she's...... kind of better????????????????????? or maybe not actually. going into this i had to think about how to write these characters in a way that felt true to who they are but also remembering that they have GROWN, even if danganronpa really makes them feel as if they havent lol. this is a mikan who has likely endured years of therapy, even if that therapy is SHIT at best. this is also a mikan who has been shoved into the spotlight rather forcibly and has basically been given the choice to adapt or die. so i probably shouldnt say that shes "better", it's more that shes had to modify herself to fit this new lifestyle of hers. she hasnt been given much of a choice, and i imagine shes had a few years to really fuck up and struggle before reaching this point. she is constantly in the spotlight and basically always under scrutiny, so ive sort of swayed away from her wanting attention and focused more on how she reacts to this attention-- shes grown bitter from the negative and she doesnt think she deserves most of the positive. it's this hurricane of problems with mikan and a lot of it involves her own struggle to view herself as a good person, which stems heavily from the insecurities she already had in her game and intensified by what happened outside of it. years of being seen as this iconic chapter three killer has absolutely worn her down a bit, but there is still a part of her that yearns for control over her life and the people surrounding it. she is still SO anxious, ive tried to really hammer home quite a few recurring symptoms with her like her nervous tics, sickness/lack of appetite, hair shedding, etc!! and she is extremely bitter about how shes been treated, too, which im hoping to elaborate on further on down the line. however she really, REALLY can not be passing out in front of cameras or throwing any fits about the exploitation shes endured since shes been a teen because the company she works for wont accept anything that isnt on brand. and underneath it all shes still that scared little kid that desperately wants to please

she's an older mikan but she is still very much hurting, not necessarily any less but in a way that's a bit different if that makes sense :)

you are SO FUCKING NICE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <33333333333

[manawari]

Fanfic tropes

Thank you for the tag @tleeaves !!

Rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

• -10 -> very dissuaded

• 0 - don't care either way

• 10 -> very enticed

• nope -> if it's a hard no and you'd never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you'd insta click out of the fic if it wasn't tagged

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it's conditional.

Age Gap: 0/-3

That entirely depends on how big the age gap is. Overall, I don't care, but if I check the ages and my mind went "holy mother of @#&$" that's an automatic pass and I'll drop the story, so regardless of how good it is, the age gap still plays a part.

In my novel, I have a character who's immortal, but in the earliest draft, I made the character immortal for a long time, and after realizing how stories went for that route, I decided to change it and made the character become immortal for the first time — I've always wanted to write about someone coming in terms with their immortality for the first time, so that's an opportunity.

Codependency: 0

Again, this depends on how the trope is used. If the character has been traumatized so much and had nobody by their side to rely on found someone to let their guard down and entrust them with their pain that they had been holding on for too long, that's a plus for me! But if the character does nothing at all and acts their whole world revolves around character b, that's a no-no.

In my second novel, my main character lived in such an awful life, he grew up in the streets alone and had to fight in order to survive. He was alone and never had someone by his side. But when the survivors came, his life gradually changed, he learned to open up, yet found himself trusting Rebecca the most. He felt connected to her because of how similar they were and slowly, she became that one person whom he trusted to take care of him if his world crumbled.

Enemies to lovers: 10 (100 if I break the rules)

This is one of the tropes that get misunderstood a lot, but hey! That is measured by how an author handles this trope. But for me. . . AHSGJSGDJDHS FERAL FERAL FERAL!!!!! TWO PEOPLE SEEING THE WORST IN EACH OTHER AND EVENTUALLY APPRECIATING EACH OTHER??? GIMME THAT!!!!! Sometimes, enemies to lovers always end up in toxic relationships, which I tend to avoid in stories, but if I write in this trope, I will do my best to make it beautiful as possible!

I had this trope in my two novels, actually— one is Castriel and Rebecca (however, I'm not sure if I'll make these two officially go to the romance route, so don't get your hopes up no matter strong how their chemistry gets) and the other is Gani and Haliya (yeah, he saved her and her friend, but the real development starts when these two meet again 😈).

Enemies with benefits: -10

Sure, I read some fics with this trope, but that's out of boredom and I wasn't invested much, but this trope isn't in my list. Just. No.

Fake dating/relationship: 7

This trope is pretty hilarious! Especially when two characters hate each other, yet had to act like in a loving relationship — COMEDY!

Found family: 10 (100)

Ajsgsjdgsjgsjdgdh THIS TROPE!!!! I like this trope for both canon (if established correctly) and fanfic. Imagine a group of people who came from different backgrounds and eventually found the family they deserve? *melts*

All of my three novels have this trope! They built an unbreakable bond in such an unexpected place and— 🥹❣️

Friends to lovers: 10 (100)

I'm insane for this trope as much as I am for enemies to lovers (that also has a friendship stage)! There is something about friendship blossoming into something more and the relationship being "each other's best friend" and "all this time, I thought I'd never fall for someone until I found that person right next to me" that made my heart race ajgsjsgdkdhdkgsw

Almost every possible pairing in my novels have this trope, which must've been the reason why I think about those pairings all the time, especially the main ones.

Friends with benefits: -10

No. And I'll never understand this trope.

Love triangle: -10

When I was new to literature, this is one of the few tropes I frequently encountered. At first, it seemed fun, but as I grow, I realize how annoying this trope is and can disturb the plotline.

Mistaken/Hidden identity: 0

I haven't read or encountered anything that has this trope, so I don't have an opinion about it lol!

Monster Fu... Relationship: -10

First of all, WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD IS THIS?! Humans are such a weird species. . .

Obsession, Possessiveness, etc.: -10

Again, WHY?! This trope basically has walking red flags and walking colorblinds.

Opposites (like grumpy x sunshine, etc): 10

I admit, I like this trope very much that I inserted it on every pairing in my novels as possible XD. There's something that makes me go crazy over the love story and any relationship in general because regardless of the differences, they balance each other well.

Fire and water? Warm and cold? Light and darkness? You name it!

Poly: 0

Eh, I don't care much.

Pregnancy: 0

I don't care much either.

Second chance: 5

Okay, but almost every manhwa I read has this TROPE and the reason why I gave this a half is because sometimes, it gets overused and the MC becomes holier-than-thou due to his knowledge (also how the heck does reincarnated/reborn/second chance MCs remember every detail when I don't even remember what I ate last week) and eventually becomes boring.

Sex to Feelings: -10

No comment. Just -10.

Slow burn: 10 (100)

I SHALL OFFER MY SOUL AND MY WHOLE LIFE! THIS IS CRUCIAL TO EVERY TROPE (enemies to lovers, rivals to lovers, and heck, friends to lovers) BECAUSE YOU'LL WITNESS THE SLOW AND PAINFUL DEVELOPMENT BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE UNTIL THEY BECOME IDIOTS AND NO MATTER HOW FRUSTRATING IT GETS, AS LONG AS THEY GOT THEIR HAPPY ENDING I AM SATISFIED! This trope is one huge umbrella and ANYTHING can happen!

Soulmates: 5

If executed properly, then why not offer my soul too? The angst, the pining, the happiness, and the peacefulness once they meet at last 🥺💕

[queers-gambit]

Hi Cherry ❣️

Just wanted to let you know that you're a very talented writer, and everyone on here loves your fics, me included of course. Just in case you may doubt yourself honey 🥰🥺

So far I've read every single one of your Billy Hargrove fics and to say that you're one of my favorite Billy writers is an understatement. Up and Out is a personal favorite to be honest, it holds a special place in my heart. 🥺���️ It's so rare to find Billy writers on here, most people misunderstand him, even fans and many Billy writers. Wether it be a Billy fan or a Billy hater, he is always seen as either :

a) a horrible abusive being who deserved everything that happened to him. Like for real, some people truly have no empathy for abuse victims, Billy isn't abusive, he is a victim who lashes out, there is a huge gap between the two. Of course lashing out at others isn't the way to go, but I strongly believe that Billy doesn't want to do any of that either, he feels deeply guilty for things he isn't responsible for (like his mother leaving him with his abusive dad) or for things that are beyond his control due to his overactive hypervigilence and trauma responses.

or b) the sex symbol. Like seriously, I know he is beautiful and all, but he is still a teenager. He should not be sexualized the way most people do on here. I rarely ever come across a fic that doesn't depict him as a sex icon. Yes, he is gorgeous, we all know that. Yes, he is hypersexual, we know that. But that's not ALL he is. He is SO MUCH MORE than that. And people forget that his hypersexual behavior is probably the result of some trauma. I feel like he secretly really wants affection, love, hugs and cuddles and validation. He is just too afraid to show the slightest ounce of vulnerability.

or c) the repressed gay sex symbol. Like. Okay, to each their own. But seriously. Him not showing affection towards the girls we saw him with (like Vicky and Tina for example) doesn't mean he isn't interested in women. It means he is a scarred traumatized young boy who doesn't know how to express affection in a healthy way. Just like Jim Hopper. They share some many similarities, it's just insane. Anyways, that's a just a thought.

Damn, I'm so sorry for my rambling, I got carried away. 😅 Thank you for giving us a more accurate representation of Billy Hargrove. ❣️ We need it. Please don't stop what you're doing. 🤍💕 You're talented, always remember that Cherry.🌷

you know what we're NOT gonna do? apologize to Cherry for sending her a message of ANY length! i adore your guys' messages, so, whether you write me 3 words, 10 words, 30, or 500, i'm really jazzed to read them all. welcome to my heart, poppet, i'm so very happy you're here to share with. thank you so so so much for the compliments and support! you sweetie pie, cutie patootie!

i feel like i rarely get conversations anymore, it's all requests; so this was a nice change of pace 'cause you're looking really deep into a character that had incredible potential, so it's really cool to form your own thoughts, ideas, emotions.

i think you made some interesting points about Billy's character. but in all honesty, he's such an ambiguous character that i like the idea that he's versatile; so there's no "wrong" Billy. but i appreciate you saying i represent him - he's a fun character to write for 'cause, again, he's versatile and anything goes for Billy Boy.

however, i want to remind you and anyone else of something.

YES, victims themselves can ALSO in turn become ABUSERS. it's a righteously toxic cycle. you know the phrase, "monkey see, monkey do?" it's very much similar to that. children see what mommy and daddy do, so they think it's acceptable behavior until someone later in life corrects them. but then there's also that phrase, "you can't teach an old dog new tricks," so even if you were correct them, odds are, the lesson isn't going to stick because they're conditioned to believe, think, act, feel a certain way. the way the abusers programmed them to be.

it's a concept that i, myself, am still trying to learn. let me explain: i have an older sister who was abused by our mother and the first chance she got, she moved out. their relationship is MUCH better now, but it took years of therapy for my sister to cope with all that had been said and done. however, in therapy, she came to terms with the fact that our mother had been abused by her mother - our grandmother - who had been abused by HER mother - our great-grandmother.

my sister had to teach herself that this cycle was not a reflection on her as a person or as a daughter, but rather this was a generational curse that dates back way-back-when. so while it's like, yeah, our mother was abused by our grandmother, that still doesn't excuse 100% of what my mother did or said to my sister. see what i mean? yeah, my mother's a victim, but she didn't just continue the cycle of abuse but fanned the flames - marking her as an abuser, too. it's not her fault, it's not grandma's fault, it's not great-grandma's fault - it's a societal behavior that has never been kind to women in basically any culture, religion, region, tradition. however this doesn't mean we get to excuse abuse; accountability still needs to be held, wounds need to be healed, and justice needs to be shelled out.

Billy is still a kid, he's excused because he truly doesn't know right from wrong, but it's important to me that i reiterate that my writings are MEANT to romanticize toxic men and relationships. you should not entertain things that are not good for you, things that make you sick, things that cause harm - you do not deserve that kind of turmoil. please stay safe.

again, Billy is meant to be romanticized - but your real life situation is NOT to be. you are all so very special to me, i want you all to stay safe and know that should anyone need it, i'm here for any chat.

all of my love and all of my forehead kisses 🖤

( ps if you're wondering how my sister got abused and i didn't, i guess my mother didn't have the time because i was diagnosed at a young age with rare medical conditions that have kept me in and out of the hospital for over a decade. so maybe 'cause God was tryna unalive me, my ma didn't think to abuse me in the way she did my sister, but trust and believe, i had my fair share of bullshit )

[reallyintoscience]

Trope Game

Tagged by @notallsandmen 💖

Rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

* -10 -> very dissuaded

* 0 - don't care either way

* 10 -> very enticed

* nope -> if it's a hard no and you'd never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you'd insta click out of the fic if it wasn't tagged

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it's conditional.

Age gap: -8 ( -10 — +5)

Oh this does open with the difficulties doesn't it.

I don't care one bit either way about age gaps.

I care very much about emotional experience gaps, which sometimes but not always correlate to age gaps.

It's all about the awareness and the agency. Would the younger/less powerful character be able to understand the situation and would they feel able and willing to say no? Would the older/more powerful character respect that? If yes, no problem.

Because this dynamic can squick me so hard, it is occasionally a kink, because brains do be like that.

For instance I'm totally insane about Anonymous' Lucy Locket, where Dream the Prince of Stories loves to play pretend with Hob in the form of an exploited sugar baby. Key here is that Dream and Hob are roleplaying and this isn't their whole relationship. (CW: CNC warning applies for Chapter 5.)

Codependency: +5

I love it when the pairing is a matched set, particularly from the perspective of an outsider. It's really fun if the character's don't realise themselves how much of a set they are. But I like this best when they *can* function well enough on their own - they usually start out as lone wolves, it must be said - but they are *miserable* without their person. They can survive but not thrive.

Obsession/Possessiveness, jealousy: +10 (0 - -10)

Toxic trait to love toxic traits in my fiction? Oh well, here we are. I want my guys feral for each other and I want them to love that about one another. I'm here for the making each other worse.

Buuuut not if one of them is being controlling of the other. I hate that and I'll drop it right away if that dynamic shows up.

Opposites (grumpy/sunshine etc): 0

Neutral. I do tend to end up with this kind of pairing but it feels incidental rather than the instigating factor.

Enemies to lovers, Enemies with benefits: +7

Okay so I need for my pairing guys to like each other, to enjoy one another as people, but the absolute best version of that? Is when they really really don't want to like this dick. Or this dick, if you know what I mean.

Friends with benefits: +10

I love this because I'm like this but my favourite flavour is when this is the most important relationship each of them have even if they do not treat it as romantic. They might have other hookups this is Their Person.

Sex to feelings: 0

Neutral. I like it fine but don't seek it out.

Fake dating/relationship: +8

I like it but the reason I like it is that it frames two of my favourite tropes very well: pining, and "we're a team against the world". But the setup has to actually make sense, and not have everyone around them holding the idiot ball.

Friends to lovers: 0

Neutral, it's the setup for most fic I read just because there's where we start off.

Found Family: +5.

I love this in a very certain dynamic, my lone-wolf, everything-is-my-responsibility characters finding community and acceptance. But I love it when it manages to stay close to canon, and it's hard to do this with a lot of canons in a convincing way. There has to be a large enough cast of characters that I care about, and being a picky little creature as I am this isn't often the case.

Hurt/Comfort: 0

Eh. It's fine, but I don't like whump and depending who's tagging sometimes h/c is whump in disguise. More comfort than hurt pls.

Love Triangle: -5.

Very rarely does this exist in a satisfying way and when it does it's not a triangle anymore, it's a threesome. Now, if one of the characters *thinks* there is a love triangle and they're just so very wrong actually, aka the love is requited they're just idiots, then that's fine.

Poly, open relationships: 0

Open relationships tends not to work that well with my "totally feral about each other" kind of favourite dynamic, but it does work with the friends with benefits but still ride or die for each other kind. Poly is just fine but it depends on the fandom. The longer I'm in a fandom, the more OTP I tend to get. I start out shipping my One True Character with half the cast, and then I find the OTP and that's that.

Mistaken/hidden identity: -8 - 5

I *hate* mistaken identity, it gives me second-hand embarrassment. I will read it if the rest of the tags check out but I'll read it through my fingers and I won't enjoy it the first time. Once I know how it turns out I might love the story on second read but waiting to find out how someone is going to be Found Out As An Imposter is my horror story actually.

Hidden identity can be super fun though.

Monsterfucking: +10

I am a proud monsterfucker and I will read pretty much anything with this.

Pregnancy: -10 (+10)

Okay so I have a pregnancy squick and I do not want to read pregnancy or kidfic ... except if it's Dreamling and then I have a huge kink about it? I've been in fandom 28 years and I have never liked it and NOW. This one ship. I dunno.

Second Chance: + 4

The mutual pining and planning here can be really good. Depends why it didn't work out and what's changed to make it different this time.

Slowburn: +8.

Yes please. Build up those feelings until I want to yell at them, go on.

Soulmates: 0 (Meh)

I kind of love the kind where one half doesn't have a soulmark or has a bizarre soulmark, and thinks they are ~alone forever~ but actually it's supernatural shenanigans. That kind is fun. And I enjoy all the different sorts of worldbuilding that go into soulmate aus, when they're properly thought through.

Tagging @seiya-starsniper, @beatnikfreakiswriting, @ml-nolan , @chaosheadspace , @beholdme , @beholdingthegaytimes, @honeyteacakes and anyone else who feels like it!

[onwriting-hrarby]

hi hera, im rewriting this ask because my internet was slow and i dont know if it was sent thru 😭😭

im so in my feels i’ve been rereading a bit of IDNLUT, and its really so heartbreaking that mikasas dad had the shitty conscious to completely leave his family for another. it aches my heart to read whenever in mikasas pov the pain and insecurities she carried everytime she mentions or is reminded that her dad abandoned their little family for a white woman and their white child.

i feel really bad for mama sakura, the strength in the women under these situations is just insane. her husband didnt just leave her, he abandoned a whole ass child, his own daughter!!

in the fic mikasa is gradually reconciling with her father, and good for her and her peace but i dont know how she does it!! its so hard to wrap my head around characters like john, like hes playing God and just like nothing switching which woman and which child gets to be in the presence of his loving tender father/husband role. like its horrible, personally its unforgivable to me because the children in mikasa role are just left with so much trauma and thats so so unfair because why did their dad choose to hurt them and not the other.

(its so heartbreaking, i really want to hold IDNLUT baby mika)

i was wondering but only if you’re up for it 👉👈 would you be interested in writing a drabble or perhaps explaining a little more in detail:

1. john ackermans pov in the rawest honest form on why he had left his family for another. his desires, his selfishness and his regrets. (im trying to sympathise with him but its so hard 😅)

2. and if, whether he denies it or not, racism or racial preference had a role in his actions. (im asian, so i get it, theres an unfortunate beauty standard engraved in our minds and white women have that privilege)

(also when i think about it, IDNLUT john ackermans and RJ grisha somewhat plays the same role right?)

3. as a white man, does john ackerman acccctuallly understand mikasas insecurities and pain. especially racially, can he see mikasas perspective, does he get that mikasa sees her dad having a racial preference by leaving her asian mom and her for a white woman and her white child. (im just wondering if john actually evaluates the consequences of his actions, and that hes just not feeling bad and thats it lol (maybe i also just want to see the man in pain for the pain he caused his (our) favourite girl 🥺)

4. in this au, would mikasa ever fully lash out at her dad, like a full blownout confrontation or a full conversation where she lays eeeeverything, her hurt her pain her childhood trauma he caused her and her mother, i wonder if she demands answers and if hes able to give her them. (hehe would you ever write this as a drabble? but i would respect it if you dont want to!!)

i loooove this fic, thank you for sharing it with us. and sorry my ask is so long!!

Alright, dear anon, finally I have some time to delve into this. So, what can I say? I saw this ask first on Monday and it completely made my day. Not only to receive such a nice comment, but also from a reread and also from i did not live until today! I always worry my stories are not enough to make people want to reread (which is what I do with things i like a lot) so this anon made my heart flutter.

i'm so glad you pointed out to this flaw in mikasa's character. i got a lot of people who read the fic who didn't like how mikasa treated her dad and how her insecurities affected her life in general, and didn't like mikasa's character very much. i understand this happens because she's not an agreeable character, and we sometimes hate that she's so self-centered, especially towards sakura, because she only wants what's best for her. but people who grief are normally self-centered, so i wanted to delve into that and not make the protagonist be like a heroin. i'm so glad you feel for her and share her pov, really, justifice for mikasa!

you're right that grisha in RJ and john might be alike, but i think the difference in john is that he really fell in love with his new wife, and left the family because of love, and not so much because of prejudice. as you say, prejudice is very much there, although i don't think john is really aware of it—like an unconscious pull—and it's much more of something that mikasa projects. because i always tell everything from mikasa's pov, i play a lot with an unreliable narrator (not that "evident" though).

i don't think parents choose to hurt us purposefully. of course, it would be better for mikasa's health if the parents had stayed together under good circumstances, but when the circumstances are bad, or the love doesn't sweep through, believe me, it's better to divorce (both my boyfriend and me come from divorce parents, and our experience is very different, so i know both outcomes). in the end, growing up makes us realize that parents are their own people—they do not live to serve our wishes. they live to protect us, to make us grow, but we cannot submit them, i believe. when we are parents, we don't transform int just parents. we do not become different from what we were, we don't lose our personality or wishes. some wishes are not compatible with being parents, of course—but love is. and if someone doesn't find love in the parent they have around, we're people, and it's better to be a family if there is love and respect. at least that's what i thought and what i wanted to express!

okay, so onto your questions! i am going to drabble point 1, so let me go straight to the others (i don't know WHEN i'm going to write it, so please, bear with me, i'll upload it!)

2) whether he denies it or not, racism or racial preference had a role in his actions > as i said, i didn't plan john to be aware of it like grisha is. grisha does have inherent racism in it, and some of the decisions are very evident steeping from there. but john is not aware, even, that race might exist. i don't know if that makes sense. grisha would see sakura and see the race, while john doesn't really see it, but he still has a preference for the other because the other is "better". does it make sense? in that sense, john would be equivalent to Eren in RJ when he was a teenager (but without the violence that accompanies Eren). It's as if John had to pick between salad or soup, and he's been always told that salad is better. he doesn't really care about the difference between salad and soup, but he feels slightly pulled towards salad because of the discourse about salad and how good salad is. he also likes soup, but he can't say why he would prefer salad. i think a lot of racism nowadays is like this: people know racism is wrong, and they wouldn't care to be with someone from another race but they are still attracted to white people every time.

3) as a white man, does john ackerman actually understand mikasas insecurities and pain > he doesn't, no! also because a lot of issues from mikasa don't directly come from race, and the ones that do i feel like he might not really understand them because again he doesn't recognize his preference. but he knows that a lot of the issues that mikasa has are because of him leaving, and i remember that at some point they even talk it out! so he does feel guilty towards it.

4. in this au, would mikasa ever fully lash out at her dad, like a full blownout confrontation or a full conversation where she lays everything> oh, i will definitely drive it as a drabble! i will try to mix it with the 1st one. she definitely would. as i said, i think they touch the subject but i don't believe there's a full lash out! i picture mikasa after some years (before she goes to mitras with eren) talking it out with her dad, but calmly. i believe eren allows mikasa to open like a dam, so she knows how to express her feelings. mikasa's growth in IDNLUT i believe is about accepting the feelings and growing communication!

AGAIN i am so so so happy about your ask, and please do NOT hesitate to send me another one with your thoughts on this (if you have any) or if you were reading my work another way! i don't want to influence on your reading as an author, so do not fret if something wasn't as you were thinking: i love that everyone makes my work theirs!

[csbnova]

My Personal Blue Lock Writing Habits and Drabbles

someone asked if i write with a specific mindset for each character but erm…idk what happened to the ask bc my phone hates my guts and wants me to die so im just gonna explain it here. (also an excuse for me to yap abt my pookie bears)

so obviously there are different character types and different personalities duh duh duh but to me i always have to immerse myself in the way they think. I read the bllk manga (haven’t caught up yet get off my case) but i do like to do character analysis based off of what we get in the anime/manga, the official art, and the little facts we get from the author/on bllk wiki.

i guess it wouldn’t be too far fetched to say i do indeed do my research on the guys that i write for and it doesn’t help that i actually enjoy it💀 but to me seeing chars getting mischaracterized CONSTANTLY is one of the most infuriating things EVER especially if it’s a character that i’ve been a die hard fan of. (partially why i decided to start posting my writing) like bachira’s mischaracterization is wild to experience. no, he’s not always yelling or goofing off but it is often. no, he’s not a freak(like at ALL) who constantly talks about his monster in every conversation he has. yes, he IS a sweet little guy who would probably ask to hold your hand in a romantic way even tho he wouldn’t be scared to hold it earlier in your friendship.

idk i just think it’s weird when people write the most insanely off putting personality for characters that they probably have only seen hc’s of or misinfo for.

when i wrote barou’s texts, i had to think rlly hard abt it bc i know he seems like an arrogant guy (which he is ngl) but i think that’s only when it comes to soccer. in both the anime and the manga barou could be seen multiple times having calm conversations about growth and how his abilities affect the way he plays. he’s also got two younger sisters which i personally believe could make anyone become more mature (said with experience). ive done the same with multiple characters, even with smaller details. like, in my rin fic that im writing, there’s a small detail about his favorite drink. i couldn’t just say a random beverage bc i got so upset that i couldn’t come up with a drink for him that i looked up what his favorite would be😭

yk another small thing i did was make the itobros texting styles similar to each other. sae’s includes both capitals and correct punctuation while rin’s doesn’t capitalize anything and just uses accurate punctuation (at least i hope it’s accurate). i did that to portray how similar the brothers are despite their respective differences. i also happened to know that rin would rather die than admit that and that knowledge has to be shared somehow.

idk i just hate seeing my favs being mistyped especially since it’s been happening even more recently (cough gojo fans cough) but im also a stupid nerd(yes ik those contrast each other) who’s very passionate about this so i don’t really care what anyone has to say i genuinely enjoy producing content abt characters that isn’t inaccurate or rage inducing and my one and only hope is that i get it right 🙏

anyways that’s it basically. shout out to anyone who actually read this bc i probably wouldn’t have 🔥

should i start a series? i have the urge to but idk💀

no! i am NOT posting this instead of finishing my writings… 🤥