#the actual lyric track of this is tuned for once!! it sucked. i hate tuning

[blueskittlesart]

im only 3 episodes into (live action) one piece but binks no sake will not leave my head. lmao

[thesinglesjukebox]

OLIVIA RODRIGO - "GET HIM BACK!"

[7.29]

But mostly we hate the way we don't hate this, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

Ian Mathers: Wait a minute... there are two kinda contradictory meanings of "get him back"! I'm on to your tricks, Olivia Rodrigo. [10]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: "Drivers License" and "Vampire," the two definitive Olivia Rodrigo tracks, are arresting because of their emotional directness. When Olivia sings "You didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me" or "You made me look so naive," it unleashes so much power and vulnerability because it feels like we, the audience, are eavesdropping upon a real, intimate, two-person conversation. "Get Him Back" flips this formula. The song plays like a drunken gossip session with a friend, or better yet, an inner monologue of confessions too embarrassing and honest to be said out loud. The guy that Olivia wants to get retribution against and reconciliation with is never addressed directly and almost irrelevant to the story, because this is all about Olivia unleashing every oddball thought she's ever had about him. Olivia gets pigeonholed as a humdrum Disney Channel ballad princess, but this song is so deeply funny from the opening bars ("Wait, is this the song with the drums?") to the way her therapist dad and his mom become tertiary characters in the plot. [8]

Michelle Myers: It would be difficult to argue that Olivia Rodrigo's music is sonically innovative or even especially interesting. Once you get past the initial delight of "teen pop Breeders," you're left with a few sticky tunes and a trove of snappy one-liners you can append to an Instagram story you hope your crush and/or ex will like. Of her 2023 singles, "Get Him Back!" has the cleverest, most caption-worthy lyrics, which means it's her strongest release yet. [9]

Katherine St Asaph: One of the weaker songs on Guts, "Get Him Back" is largely indistinguishable from various lightly sassy artists of pop past--midcareer Taylor, mostly--with bigger riffs but less punchy punchlines. And on the subject of pop past, given the widespread press salivation over Olivia's influences it feels underremarked-upon that Fiona Apple already did a track with this conceit, and it was better. [4]

Oliver Maier: Olivia can be quippy to a fault, particularly in storytelling mode, but I find her sense of humour refreshing and pretty genuine -- I can't imagine this song working from someone like Taylor, even if this sounds like "We Are Never Getting Back Together" by way of Reputation. There are plenty of popstars who will tell you that they still fancy someone who was bad for them without daring to reach for a line as pathetic and self-exposing as "I want to make him lunch". Hook's good, too. [7]

Josh Love: As much as I love Taylor, she's a huge dork who laughs at her own jokes (actually not a point against her in my book, but still). Olivia is so much naturally cooler and more withering, so she can sell a line like "He said he's 6'2" / I'm like 'dude, nice try'" while hardly lifting an eyebrow. I also love how "I am my father's daughter / So maybe I can fix him" subtly subverts the expectation that you'd hear "mother" there instead. [8]

Alex Ostroff: All of the attitude and humour and '90s guitars of "Bad Idea Right?" filtered through Taylor's "We Are Never Getting Back Together" and mid-career Avril. The chorus is the biggest and hookiest and poppiest on the album, so naturally it's the one I like the least. Still, points for "I pour my little heart out / but as I'm hitting send / I picture all the faces of my disappointed friends" and "I wanna meet his mom, just to tell her her son sucks." [7]

Nortey Dowuona: More piss-take Beastie Boys raps, bright excited chant chorus, the same disappointment from her friends, the excellent whisper "so maybe I can fix him." But this one has the line "I want to meet his mom, just to tell her son sucks," so it's obviously better. And there's a great guitar riff in the back, so it's really better. And yes you got him good -- his mom is typing an angry comment on a 2-years-dead blog to refute this. [10]

Michael Hong: "But I am my father's daughter, so maybe I could fix him" is the kind of out-of-pocket thing your friend says to you, which you smile and laugh off because you're not interested in starting a fight. Kind of bad, kind of fun, but Rodrigo's final attempt to anthemize its final chorus with a lighter-up sing-along is an awkward conclusion to her giggled banter. [5]

Alfred Soto: Her commitment to writing like teens talk and thinking like teens write separates her from those who poeticize these states. "Get Him Back!" says what it needs in declarative sentences, which, if you think about it, are not how teens express themselves either. She seems immune to bad faith. [7]

Jonathan Bradley: With a chorus that romps rambunctiously enough to set off the crowd at a late '90s Warped Tour show, you might almost miss how well Rodrigo's rapping captures the overthinker's cursed inner-monologue. (Rodrigo is the kind of over-thinker quick with a witty quip and a self-aware observation.) "Brutal," took the same tack, but that song was a doom spiral; this is anthemic enough to have an acoustic guitar break out strumming the bridge. [8]

Andrew Karpan: A thrillingly monster pop-punk riff dedicated to the subject of dating the kind of faceless rich people that Drake writes songs about wanting to be. Of course, being mid can be as contagious as anything else. [5]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: My enjoyment of this perfectly good song has been significantly diminished ever since I figured out that she's 100% doing the "Werewolf Bar Mitzvah" flow. [6]

Aaron Bergstrom: Sometimes I just stop and reflect on how lucky I am to be living at a time when I can write the words "prominent Butthole Surfers influence" about one of the five biggest pop stars in the world, then come to find out that two major publications beat me to it. Long live our slacker-rock princess. [9]

Brad Shoup: Speaking of "Pepper," "I can taste you on my lips/And smell you in my clothes" was a pop couplet about 20 years ahead of its time. That song was blanketed in a psychedelically surreal menace. That cloud isn't here (only the ramshackle rap), but Rodrigo's casual note about her ex's temper makes the menace uncomfotably clear. The conceit is dichotomy, but not like the crazy/beautiful regurgitation of "Bad Things". Doubling her vocal on the verses just makes thematic sense, but on the chorus, she multiplies: manufacturing consensus. [6]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: The weakest of the Guts singles, if only because the verses' talk-singing is of narrative importance more than anything else. Rodrigo's most awkward phrasing and strained attempts at cleverness are all over this, surely in the name of relatability. What ultimately sticks is the double meaning of the titular line; all this humdrum storytelling feels perfunctory when the dizziness and spontaneity of the chorus comes crashing through. The bombast is so polite that it could be a campfire chant, and the faux straight-laced presentation reflects the sophistication of her songwriting, leaving the rest of the track feeling comparatively shallow. [5]

Will Adams: Frustratingly anonymous by Rodrigo's standards, "Get Him Back!" puts all its points on a massive shout-along chorus at the expense of having anything else to say. [5]

Frank Falisi: To attribute a maybe apocryphal sentiment to the piano man: the keyboard is a percussive instrument. You pound it and it creates its own space, space which, in turn, is filled by collapsing mallets. And what about percussion? Is this the song with the drums? The drums dictate melody! They're meant to be sung to, like guitars. On "Get Him Back!", all lower-case and exclamation bang, the drum set drags Olivia's voice around that most familiar narrative: sour love, curdled absence, and the slip-rap hem-hawing of getting a half-beloved back. Her voice hits skin, halts, snaps and turns on a beat. What does it sound like? Who does it sound like? And then, the greatest trick a pop song can pull off: it reminds you of everything you can't recall because you don't have a name or word for it yet. [9]

Taylor Alatorre: Not since Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend" has a tentpole pop single been constructed entirely out of the intention to cause as much visceral annoyance in one's critics as possible. (Taylor made a few worthy attempts, but she couldn't dethrone the Motherfucking Princess.) Going by the reviews, of course, Rodrigo doesn't seem to have many capital-C Critics these days, but what can a song like this be other than a big-budget reaction to the idea that, somewhere out there, someone hates us? And the idea that, you know what would be really funny? If we made them hate us even more. Rodrigo takes this hyper-awareness of self and runs with it, making a virtue out of bratty petulance in a way that was thought to be extinct outside of bands with names like State Champs and FRND CRCL. Getting an acoustic breakdown with gang vocals onto pop radio in 2023 is an achievement in itself, and apart from the inexplicably Pinkerton-aping "All-American Bitch," it's the moment where Rodrigo's simulacrum of a simulacrum of punk most approaches the real-fake thing. "Get Him Back!" is the aural equivalent of those Dark Brandon memes with the glowing red eyes, though distinctly different in that it requires less pretending and will likely age better in ten years. [7]

Hannah Jocelyn: I have no idea how "hits" work in 2023. I've been following this YouTuber named Spectrum Pulse for several years now, who's spent the past decade meticulously tracking the Billboard charts. Those charts are something of a no-man's-land right now, with years-old songs making dramatic comebacks, new records disappearing immediately after debuting at #1, and the entire fucking spectrum of country crowding out any pop or even rap (!). It reminds me a bit of the shift in 2016, when once-surefire hits like "Into You" underperformed in favor of moodier music. I don't know where the shift is going now, if it's even shifting to anything. What I do know is that a chorus like the one on "Get Him Back!" belongs to a smash, and it would have been one even a year ago. The double entendre of the title is wonderfully mischievous, Rodrigo sounds phenomenal, and Dan Nigro's Passion Pit-aping production is as good as his work's sounded since "Deja Vu." It's not a revelation like that song, one of the greatest pop songs of the 2020s so far, but it doesn't have to be. Clearly, it wouldn't matter if it was. [9]

Leah Isobel: Does "Get Him Back!" have the emotional weight of "Vampire" or the joyfully nihilistic invention of "Bad Idea Right?" No. Instead, it has something simpler: an absolute fucking 15-story kaiju monster of a hook. Sometimes that's all it takes. [9]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[dianymphii]

Twst Characters as Music Artists

Riddle: Little Tart

Idk piano music? Asian traumacore (like me!) so maybe he just does piano covers.

Ace picked his name and now he doesnt know how to change it.

It is technically perfect but a soulless perfomance. Sucks to suck kid

Trey: Muffin Man

He is too busy to make music but someone sampled him for an audio clip and named him That as credit. A double betrayal.

alternatively cooking by the book remix ft lil jon vibes but only posts it once, and in a weird stress frenzy.

no he will Not talk about it tyvm

Deuce: 2euce

garageband beat maker, he wanted to do a fun play on his name but ace just calls him Two-ce. deuce does not like this.

Ace: DJ Ace

he doesnt even dj

Cater: Di4mond

lofi beats to shit and piss to

posts guitar covers, really giving softboy, genuinely pretty good but like kind of hates his music.

he is the person who inspired two-ce

Leona: King’s Roar

leona could not be assed to use his creativity to make a name so he looked as his unique magic like. yeah ok.

idk why but i can feel in my soul he could produce some FIRE beats, maybe even like put in joke sound samples of other people but remixes them in a way that sounds fucking good. he only posts like once every 6 months to a year but everyone gets real excited like BITCH I THOUGHT U DIED!!! nah, he was nappin.

he also does not read or respond to comments. he has a vague awareness his music is popular but also does not care. if u bring it up tho he's gonna be real smug about it. fucking asshole.

Jack: Unleash Beats

i could sit here and say i think jack was inspired by leona to play on is UM for a name but honestly i just thought it was so funny i almost crapped my pants.

maybe he raps if he doesnt cringe himself out.

Ruggie: RUGGIE

this is a classic man, no need to get weird he is ruggie and he knows it. actually might have gone by ruggie b on soundcloud, all lowercase, but leona let him be on one of his tracks, promptly forgot the name he used and couldnt be assed to check. typed RUGGIE in caps cuz thats deadass who he is. the song he did with leona was so popular he had to rebrand to keep the hype.

good at freestyle, more rnb vibes

Jade: Nothing (nothing is also not his name)

ok so you know AZARI???? that person with the viral and rather slappin' tunes and has no channel name and no video titles??? its just blank? thats jade. i dont want to imagine what sounds this monster produces but im going to say some words and let you fill in the rest in some lovecraftian horror

contra bass

5 amps

distortion

floyd walking in on him

a car crash

quits after like 3 songs he just wanted to see what would happen, step 293 in his 109283 step plan.

Azul: Over The Sea

idk more piano. chill lounge beats to extort innocents to

floyd's outdoor fit is azul merch

azul did force him to wear it

this means azul's merch is an ajuma visor. pop off king!

Floyd: beneath the waves

u know yuno miles? composer of such hits like dookie on my shoe and lay an EGG? floyd makes That.

someone invites him on stage to freestyle as a joke and he pulls the best freestyle rap you have ever seen. it is so fire the room starts smoking. did we order a fog machine? no? well shit. someone asks him to do it again and he says 'nah'

Kalim: The Sultan. Son of Song

i know he can sing but my mind says vegetales

someone pitches the name to him and hes like haha sounds cool! not slavemastercore at all :D (dont come for me)

Jamil: Viper

another lad who cannot be assed, but viper sounds cool so he wins this round.

makes the most angry diss tracks while making eye contact with kalim. kalim cheers.

Vil: Vil Schoenheit

he is boring and professional and it is the name listed in the credits for his next musical production.

Epel: Big Apple

im sorry about ur name epel

very angry. why is everyone is so angry.

Rook: The Hunter

leans into the french thing. uncomfortable sexual lyrics. not uncomfortably sexual, but like. uncomfortable and also sexual. "I could smell you from across the room The smell of your sweet perfume Your body covered in white lace Compels me to take chase, la chasse" (lyrics by @twsty-mad)

Idia: Gl00my Samurai

steve aoki

will mix orchestral soundtracks into his edm for optimal gaming experience

yes i did rip his gaming handle. i think for all he is people avoidant he would like people to recognize his prowess as an artist of game And song

Ortho: Soundboard

is how idia makes music

Malleus: m.d.

leonacore in that he doesnt post often but when it hits it hits. dark melancholy rap vibes.

uses his initials like when he signed off that christmas card maybe even has a song about that and how he keeps waiting for a reply. add a return address next time

literally No information about him online, gives off mysterious anonymous vibes. who is he! does anyone know his alt accounts! no fool. he doesnt have any. he doesnt even have twitter. i think he is happier for this.

Sebek: Retainer to the Prince of Briar Valley

this man will not relax.

raps but really bad.

classified as screamo on decibel alone

Silver: silver lining

lofi music you can wake up to

"please god let it work this time"

it doesnt

Lilia: D.I.L.F.

Destroy Invalidate Lie and an F or SOMETHING that stands for dilf that isnt dilf just to stress his son out.

gaslight gatekeep girlboss but like idk edgy

makes death metal bagpipe music to surprise to (edited) Made w/ @twsty-mad

[bmpmp3]

so like, this might be obvious or it might not be obvious at all but i need to obsessively deep dive into some piece of media (usually music) at least once a month or i descend into madness like im a morally gray anime character so here’s whats going on with me this november:

last night i was listening to my spotify discover weekly and my discover weekly always sucks ass because it always gives me stuff i already know or stuff i could easily find myself and thats probably largely because i dont use it very regularly but i also just think its recommendation algorithm plays it too safe for my tastes BUT on occasion it’ll give me something interesting and this week it gave me a song called I Should Stop Eating Stones by ooTi Skulf and i liked the tune so i listened to a few more songs off the same album and i tried googling to see if this artist had like a bandcamp or something where i could find some lyrics and then i spent like the next hour googling frantically because like... i could not find ANYTHING about this person

WAIT SIDENOTE i think the reason spotify gave me this song is because it appears to have been used in a popular playlist a user made called “songs for when i'm eating gemstones in the museum gift shop“ and from what i’ve heard, part of spotify’s recommendation algorithm is based off what similar users to you listen to, so i guess users like me must have listened to that playlist before

but anyway NO MATTER how much i googled ALL i could find was this person’s one album on deezer, and spotify and all that, and like no marketing copy or even a basic description and i was like WHAT is going ON because ive seen plenty of musicians with very little information about em but they were all like, random people on bandcamp or soundcloud or like fuckin. freemusicarchive dot org LIKE id never seen anything like that for someone who appears to have been signed to a label (albeit it seems to be a small one, called White Label Music/WLM?) and put on all the usual streaming platforms and i was BAFFLED like i went to bed like who is this person.....why can i not google them

BUT THIS MORNING i googled ooTi Skulf AGAIN and i finally found their social media stuff like the youtube channels and the twitter and myspace pages and all that and with all this new information i have deduced that this is a very small (less than 100 subs on youtube) french musician and i think.......that is why google refused to show me anything about her until i googled it enough......google hates ME specifically and never wants to show me what im actually searching for until ive searched for like 2 hours, especially if its in another language ive noticed.............moral of the story: i shoulda used duckduckgo instead hkjfdslagkfdlskdfsd

other moral of the story: @ small musicians: if you dont have a label or if your label lets you or theres no other barriers stopping you PLEASE put ur stuff on bandcamp. i would like to buy ur tunes

anyway i like this song:

its like that sorta experimental art rock type stuff, this specific track reminds me a little of Ruth White’s Flowers of Evil album with some of the vocal effects

[passionate-reply]

What would Great Albums be, if not for defenses of albums lots of people hate? SPK’s Machine Age Voodoo is, of course, one of those albums, being the attempt of a noisy, drony early industrial group to make synthy disco magic. Did they succeed? Well, maybe not--but at least it’s interesting. Find out more by watching the video, or checking out the transcript under the break!

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! This time, I will be once again be coming to the defence of an album that’s been very divisive: Machine Age Voodoo by SPK, first released in 1984. Earlier in the 1980s, SPK had distinguished themselves as one of the most prominent figures of the nascent “noise music” movement, alongside acts like NON and Throbbing Gristle. Just two years before Machine Age Voodoo, they released their arguable magnum opus: Leichenschrei, an album that eschewed a traditional tracklisting, featured the mutilated visage of a victim of napalm burns on its cover, and sounded something like this:

Music: “Seite ((Klono))” / “Napalm (Terminal Patient)”

With their follow-up to Leichenschrei, SPK would take their sound in a very different direction. They abandoned the harsh, buzzing textures and nauseous, whirring drones of their earlier work, and set out in a remarkably more pop direction. While Machine Age Voodoo features verses and choruses, brighter synth textures, and winsome slap basslines, it still maintains a certain “industrial” identity, tying it into the same overarching web of related styles that SPK’s earlier work fell under. This album reminds me a bit of Depeche Mode’s mid-80s output, such as Some Great Reward, in its incorporation of both synth-pop structures as well as some accents of mechanistic clangs and bangs. Depeche Mode and SPK were, of course, passing by one another after coming from opposite directions on this spectrum, but the end results remain comparable.

Music: “Junk Funk” / “Machine Age Voodoo”

Listening to the album’s stomping opener, titled “Junk Funk” on most releases but made into the title track for the US market, I’m struck by just how upbeat of a track it is. Where many industrial acts are keen to portray modern labour as a punishing, soul-sucking, miserable endeavour, “Junk Funk” seems to make it into something of a party. Given that even Depeche Mode were penning tracks like “Everything Counts” with a dour outlook on capitalism, the seemingly playful aura surrounding this single really sets it apart--though not necessarily in a good way. As I mentioned earlier, *Machine Age Voodoo* has consistently been panned by fans of the group’s more aggressive earlier work, and I think the album’s affinities with light-hearted, and perhaps even silly, post-disco pop make it all the more easy to write off as ridiculous and asinine. But much like simply being in a style you don’t care for isn’t a reason to lambaste a work of art, simply being lighter in tone is no reason to reject something. Not all great art needs to be stone-serious, after all! While Machine Age Voodoo may not be a continuation of the classic SPK sound, I think it’s an album that has plenty of appeal for fans of lighter synth-pop, and one that I wish had managed to achieve a bit more renown among those who might be a bit more receptive to its style.

Naturally, the title of the album and the themes of its sometime title track invite us to consider the role that appropriation of “primitive” themes has to play. Ever since industrialization and colonialism began to create large separations between the lifestyles of “the West and the rest,” Western artists from Picasso to Gauguin have found themselves fascinated by so-called “primitive” ways of life, found among communities of colour whom they believed to live closer to the natural or archaic state of humankind, uncorrupted by capitalism. But followers of the religion sometimes known as “Voodoo” are living in the modern world as much as anyone else is, and the use of their faith as a symbol of barbarism or the unrestrained id here is presumptuous at best, and bigoted at worst--particularly given the reference to “funk,” a music style that, like Voodoo, is strongly associated with Black culture. The love for things “primitive” has served an important cultural role in the West, offering an apparent alternative to the crushing death spiral of capitalism, and serving as an outlet for questioning the assumed status quo and the truth of human nature--but at the same time, I think we can fairly criticize it for offering a stereotyped and tokenized view of cultures outside of the West. Machine Age Voodoo offers another, very different, perspective on the Other on its second track, “With Love From China.”

Music: “With Love From China”

Compared to “Junk Funk,” “With Love From China” is distinguished as one of the album’s more plaintive and less dancefloor-oriented tracks, and, in contrast to “Junk Funk”’s joyful embrace of “high technology hoodoo,” “With Love From China” portrays the titular Communist power as something quite sinister. While a simple read of the lyrics suggests that it may be a triumphant hymn to the state, the track’s plodding, dirgelike melody makes it hang like an ominous cloud instead. Arguably the most successful state to be built upon Marxist ideals, China is a prominent feature of lots of early 80s synth-pop, where it and other Communist states saw varying portrayals as anywhere from dystopian to utopian. Like the appropriation of “voodoo” earlier, the dread romanticism applied to China by SPK on this track says more about them than it does about China itself. I think both tracks, taken together, paint a picture of a sort of “anywhere but here” ideology, defined less by any strong feelings for these particular cultures, and more by a desire for an escape to the exotic, and an abandonment of all that is sick about the West. Overall, though, “With Love From China” isn’t necessarily a fair representation of the average track on Machine Age Voodoo, as the album consists mostly of higher-energy tracks, like “Metal Dance.”

Music: “Metal Dance”

Perhaps the track most clearly aimed at nightclub rotation, “Metal Dance” feels like a logical choice for the album’s first single. Less of a pop tune and more of a floorfiller, “Metal Dance” still hums with industrial touches, propelled by clunking metallic percussion and chant-like shouts that prefigure the synthesis of machine music and club fare that EBM acts like Nitzer Ebb would achieve later in the 1980s. With its succinct title and a compelling hook that implores us to “synthesize our dreams away,” “Metal Dance” almost feels like a love letter to the sheer concept of electronic music for dancing to--a consummate paean to the discotheque, even if it comes from what may seem like an unlikely, and perhaps dishonest, source. A similar embrace of dance music qua dance music is found on “High Tension.”

Music: “High Tension”

If “Metal Dance” sounds like a preview of later industrial dance genres like EBM, then “High Tension” feels like a throwback to the first attempts to “synthesize” an electronic disco, with its dense, complex production style, prominent bass, and lyrics that promote “danc[ing] ‘til you drop” as a response to “bad times.” Despite its compelling use of a well-textured vocoder, “High Tension” veers away from the worship of the machine that was central to “Metal Dance,” and its straightforward celebration of dancing itself makes it feel like the most likely genuine crossover hit on the album--not that it really had any. It’s also worth noting that the track’s bridge contains an early reference to “hip-hop,” back when artists like Man Parrish were freely using the term to describe club-friendly electro that didn’t necessarily include rapping. Times have changed, of course, but I think “High Tension” fits right in with other works in that style--even if, again, it comes from a group that nobody would have expected to make music like this!

On the cover of Machine Age Voodoo, we see a fantasy cityscape, defined by a massive tower crowned with the band’s name accompanied by a Communist-inspired red star. It’s as firmly removed from the vile and shocking imagery of Leichenschrei as the music contained within. But, just as the music has retained some degree of industrial sentiments, the cover is not without its own sense of subversion--it is, after all, apparently enshrining the ostensibly dangerous, foreign ideology of Communism!

It’s tempting to compare this image to the futuristic imagery of Fritz Lang’s classic silent film, Metropolis, particularly given that there’s also a track on the album that shares that title. But I think that the visual style employed here, with its blocky, cubistic rendering of form and lively use of diagonals to enrich its composition, is perhaps more reminiscent of the work of the Russian avant-garde of the 1910s. Even before the Russian Revolution, pioneering abstract artists, like the “Rayonist” Natalia Goncharova, were looking towards the exciting potential of the future, and making art that celebrated the beauty of machines in motion. The early abstraction of painters like Goncharova would go on to influence the abstract art associated with the early days of the Soviet Union, which makes it a particularly fitting affinity given the themes of Machine Age Voodoo.

After Machine Age Voodoo, SPK never returned to making more melodic music--perhaps unsurprisingly, given the album’s simultaneous failure to achieve crossover success, or retain the interest of their existing fanbase. They returned in 1986 with Zamia Lehmanni: Songs of Byzantine Flowers, an album of dark ambient music that avoided slavishly copying earlier works like Leichenschrei, while still feeling like a worthy continuation of the spirit in which they had begun their career.

Music: “Invocation to Secular Heresies”

My favourite track on Machine Age Voodoo is “Seduction,” which is easy to overlook as it actually only appeared on the US release of the album. “Seduction” is striking for its blatant, wantonly sexual lyricism, which, when combined with SPK vocalist Sinan Leong’s competently sultry vocal style, recalls the best work of the experimental disco outfit Gina X Performance. And much like Gina X Performance, there’s a bit of subversively queer gender-bending to be had here, as a male backing vocalist repeats Leong’s line, “you call yourself a man?” I think that may be unintentional, a sort of happy accident, but I love it nonetheless. That’s all I have for today--thanks for listening!

Music: “Seduction”

[mikrowrites]

just an act (two)

Shawn Mendes x Reader

Shawn feels as though his life is falling apart, so he attempts to try and reach out to Y/N before it’s too late.

The song is “you should be sad” by Halsey!

If you want the full hurt of this story, I suggest listening to it on loop while reading this chapter xx

Shawn wanted to pick her.

A thousand times over, he would’ve said Y/N’s name and found her and consoled her, but he couldn’t. And he hated himself for that.

His contract was strict. Convince fans and the world, even his own damn family that Shawn and Camila were dating, to promote Señorita and get a Grammy win. But he was so fucking tired, and he loved Y/N so much.

Shawn watched Y/N walk out of the ice rink, how strongly and gracefully she walked out of his life. He felt Camila’s hand squeeze his tighter, Shawn turning to see his PR girlfriend on the verge of tears. Camila and Y/N were close friends, this had to be killing her too.

He wanted to run after her, convince her to stay, to explain the contract and win her back. But Shawn feared the damage was done.

——————

Y/N let her fingers softly strum against her guitar, sitting in her lonely hotel room. The acoustic was bequeathed to her by Shawn, and when Karen had brought it to her last night she couldn’t bring herself to part with it.

She began to strum a familiar tune, her voice finally crawling up and out of her throat.

I wanna start this out and say

I gotta get it off my chest

Got no anger, got no malice

Just a little bit of regret

Know nobody else will tell you

So there's some things I gotta say

Gonna jot it down and then get it out

And then I'll be on my way

Y/N began to strum the strings harder, letting the chords dig into her fingertips and her whole body began to shake.

Oh, I feel so sorry

I feel so sad

I tried to help you

It just made you mad

And I had no warnin'

About who you are

I'm just glad I made it out without breakin' down

And then ran so fuckin' far

That you would never ever touch me again

Y/N screamed out the last lyric, her voice cracking in the end as she dissolved into sobs, gripping the fret tighter. Tears hit the wood with a soft thump.

She let her head bow over, broken sobs wracking her body. She let the grief and heartbreak consume her one final time as she stared out her wide hotel room window at the nighttime Toronto skyline.

After ten minutes her tears dried, Y/N running her hand along the smooth mahongany of the guitar, before lifting it and gently setting it in its hard plastic case, snapping it closed.

To Y/N, it felt like a burial.

——————

Morning broke in Pickering, Shawn shuffling downstairs, exhausted. He couldn’t sleep all night, much less close his eyes without seeing Y/N. He wished he had know how badly this would hurt, he never would’ve signed that goddamn contract.

Manuel and Karen fluttered about the kitchen, Karen washing fruit as Manny cooked eggs. Aaliyah was setting the table and at the sight of Shawn, she glared and slammed the last fork on the table, leaving the room.

His parents looked up at the sound, but once watching the scene unfold they silently went back to their duties.

Shawn felt a lump grow in his throat, turning and rushing up the stairs. He burst into his childhood room, Camila yawning as she sat up in bed. He had been sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor, refusing to share the bed with her.

“Shawn? What’s going on?” Camila drowsily asked.

“We need to tell my parents.” Shawn insisted. “We need to break this contract.”

Camila sat up, the sleepiness leaving her senses. “I hate this as much as you do, but Shawn... you’re asking me to put my career on the line.”

“I’ll let you come out spotless,” Shawn pleaded, stepping forwards to the end of the bed. “Mendes’ aren’t snitches.”

“Well, you’re about to become one.” Camila sighed, throwing her legs over the bed. “Let’s do it.”

——————

Y/N threw her backpack over her shoulder, hoisting the straps up upon her frame as she lifted up the guitar case. She graciously thanked the receptionist, walking out of the hotel lobby.

As her taxi maneuvered Toronto traffic, Y/N became lost in her thoughts, watching the buildings for the last time.

She smiled at the sight of the coffee shop where Shawn and herself had their first date.

Chuckled seeing the street corner where they first met, when Shawn had found her busking to pay rent.

Stared dreamily looking at the bookstore where they sat for hours, reading (but really catching glimpses over the books).

Y/N was shaken out of her memories by the familiar tune of “Perfectly Wrong” playing on the radio. Ironic, Y/N grumbled in her head.

“Excuse me, could you please change the radio? I’m very sorry...” Y/N mumbled to the driver, who let out a huff but changed it nonetheless.

“Thank you...” Y/N sighed, “Bad breakup.”

The driver looked over their shoulder, their frown loosening. “That sucks kid. Sorry.”

Y/N smiled tightly, looking out the window.

“My girlfriend cheated on me,” the driver continued, Y/N perking up, “and I had to find out by them fucking in my own bed. I was destroyed, and it hurt for a while, but then I found my wife. Thing’s’ll get better. I can tell you that much.”

Y/N finally smiled, genuinely.

“I hope so.”

——————

Shawn and Camila sat across the table from the Mendes family, the boy nervously rubbing his hands. “Before we actually have this conversation, anything that happens, leave Camila’s name out of this. Please. We’re risking a lot, but I’ve already lost too much.”

The family hesitantly shook their heads yes, Shawn running a hand through his hair as he stumbled for words to find out how to start.

“My agent and producer gave me a contract,” Camila spoke up, Shawn whipping his head to her. “Shawn’s agent and producer were present too, he was given the same paperwork. They insisted we pursue a PR romantic relationship to promote our new single.”

“They threatened to leave a stain on our record, that we could be removed from the label if we denyed. We were jumped, and we were terrified.” Shawn continued. “So we signed the contract, because we love to sing, to perform. We signed, because we were scared of what would happen if we didn’t.”

Karen had tears welling within her eyes, Manuel’s face softening.

Aaliyah finally spoke up. “So that kiss...” she trailed off.

“Meant nothing at all.” Camila reassured. “But it cost us the most important thing in our lives.”

“Y/N.” Aaliyah murmured. Suddenly she stood, her chair pushing away with a creak. “You have to go win her back!”

“Liyah...” Manuel began, the girl cutting her off.

“No, you have to! You two were meant to be with each other, you need to stop her from leaving!” Aaliyah cried out.

Karen blinked away the moisture from her eyes, shaking her head. “Honey, that’s—“

“I have to go win her back.” Shawn nodded, looking up at his family and Camila. “I have to go win her back!” He shouted, bursting up as he grabbed his keys, placing a ballcap and sunglasses on his face. Shawn turned to look at Camila, who nervously smiled.

“Go get our girl.”

——————

Y/N sat in one of the uncomfortable chairs outside her gate, the airport chatter dulled by her earbuds. The same song looped through her ears, somehow strangely giving her strength.

But you're not half the man you think that you are

And you can't fill the hole inside of you with money, girls and cars

I'm so glad I never ever had a baby with you

'Cause you can't love nothin' unless there's somethin' in it for you

Y/N took a bite of her toasted bagel, longing for her guitar that was being loaded onto the plane. She longed to go home, where her mother would say “told you so” and she could finally have some peace.

Shawn never came to (hometown/nearest city), not unless he had a concert. Never attempted to get to know Y/N’s home like she had Pickering and Toronto.

She shook her head, throwing the rest of her bagel away and standing as her boarding class was called, shouldering her backpack.

After a long wait in line, maybe ten or so minutes, Y/N finally reached the front. The flight attendant looked up, her eyes growing wide. “Oh my goodness! You’re Y/N L/N!”

Y/N smiled in surprise. “Oh, um, yes! Guilty!”

“Oh, my daughter loves your Spotify singles! She’s your biggest fan!” The woman excitedly gushed, Y/N giggling. She was a very small singer, not even a part of a label, and meeting fans was a rarity.

“I’m honored, ma’am.” Y/N smiled politely.

“Could I snap a quick photo with you? My little girl will freak!” Y/N nodded, leaning over the desk to the woman as she snapped a photo.

Y/N’s grin fell as she noticed a familiar figure running in the background of the phone screen. She turned, freezing as 30 feet away Shawn stopped in his tracks, panting heavily. She could see past his hoodie, hat, and sunglasses, the incognito look was never very stealthy.

“Is—is that Shawn Mendes?! Oh sweet Jesus, I’m having a stroke!” The flight attendant cried.

The two didn’t move a muscle for many seconds. Shawn took a few steps forward cautiously, gauging her reaction.

Y/N broke into a run, dropping her backpack and racing up to Shawn, throwing her arms around him. He staggered backwards, wrapping his own long arms around her, clutching the back of her head with one of his hands. The two embraced each other deeply, letting go of heartbreak, fighting for another chance.

At least, that’s what happened in Y/N’s head.

She instead hardened her face into a glare, turning her back to him. Y/N scanned her ticket, and without another glance walked past the gate, towards her plane and to home.

Shawn’s shoulders slumped, the man feeling the weigh of everything crash down on him. He stumbled backwards, his whole body shaking as he quickly turned, rushing for a bathroom.

Once finding a men’s room, he ran inside, locking himself in a stall and ripping off his hat, his breaths growing ragged and hard, as if he were drowning in air.

Shawn sank to his knees, grasping his curly hair with his fingers as he slid down the wall onto the dirty tiled floor, tears cascading down his face.

Shawn wanted to rip up that fucking contract, destroy his reputation. He wanted to scream it from the rooftops, loud enough she’d hear, loud enough the whole world would hear.

It was all just an act.

To be continued in part 3...

[popculture-etc]

Kenny Rogers, Adam Schlesinger,...coping with 2020

Worst year ever although there were some good.

It’s too early yet for me to do a quick look back on what 2020 is like here as we’re only going to be in the first of December tomorrow (it’s Nov 30 here) but I just have to as two losses this year broke me. Kind of, well, especially the second one.

You see, before East Asian pop, Jpop and Kpop, Western pop culture was my thing. It still is and this pandemic has made me go back to that recently starting with...the Beach Boys (their westcoast sound caught me, hook, line, and sinker and I wasn’t very fond of the Beatles to begin with...to be completely honest) I’m currently chillin’ to right now, as I write this post. I’m really weak to the westcoast sound. Beach sound/s in general, rather. I’m a big fan of the beach where nature goes, for one. Since some time, a few years ago, deep chill and tropical house music has been my go-to when I want to chill or calm myself down after an outburst of sorts and I put them on when I just feel meh, especially on Fridays. When I dream of being by the sea, the beach or in some island on my own. I live in a country with a lot of beaches and the Visayas here is basically island region Philippines, lol. Like most people, I listen to music according to mood just like the way I dress according to mood. And...it’s no wonder, really that I’m so into the Beach Boys now. RIP the Beatles. My dad played some songs of theirs on the guitar or so but the hold they have on me waned later on and I just think now how overrated they were back then. They did have good songs but when talking of good music, as in really good that it retains the same sound style or so, it’s the Beach Boys for me. Brian Wilson is the man despite his issues and personal struggles.

Anyway, we’re going quickly off tangent. I’ll save the Beach Boys fangirling for another day. lol.

I grew up with western pop culture rife all around me thanks to my American, cowboy country and folk music listening dad, my Carpenters-loving mom and then, college-aged aunts who’d made me see the Titanic film more than my fingers could count---the third is clearly an exaggeration but well...some of it is true and they were why I got into American films like Pretty Woman (we have this in good ol’ VHS in our family home, my grandparents’ in Jasaan), Mannequin, Ghost etc. in the late 80s, coming into the early 90s. So, tired of all the kdrama and uninteresting kvariety shows on tvn and the rebranded local channel, Kapamilya (long story for what we formerly know as ABS-CBN, the nation’s a mess right now and our gov’t’s just...ick!), I’d retreated to my cave and got into old tv shows I’d watched as a kid instead like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed and it’s been, well, moving on from there. I’m checking out Twin Peaks later. I’ve been watching old Hollywood films too. Some revisits on this include: Casablanca, Gone With The Wind, and especially A Streetcar Named Desire will always and forever be my favorite. Very young and cute and good looking Marlon Brando, ugh. I have some others in the stash which include Bonnie and Clyde I’ll be getting into much, much later, maybe over the weekends and holidays. In sum, I have a long history with western pop culture, especially America��s, more than I have with Japan’s and South Korea’s. The latter being very, very recent so it doesn’t really compare as much.

Let’s get right down to it...

So 2020 had us lose Kenny Rogers to natural causes on March 20 in a hospice and after, Adam Schlesinger to COVID 19 complications on April 1. I know the latter as the songwriter of The Wonders’ That Thing You Do from the film sharing the same song title. I know Kenny Rogers well because my dad listens to him over and over in the car. In pretty much the same way, I know the words to Islands in the Stream by heart and I accept and revere it as one of the best, if not THE BEST country-pop duet songs of all time between Kenny and Dolly Parton...as far as country and pop music in the US of A’re concerned, of course. Miley and Shawn Mendez’s cover of it I’d seen recently was alright but nothing still beats the OG one, as always. With music, it’s just, really always the case.

Kenny departing from us March this year was alright. He was well cared for in a hospice and at the right age too, to leave us and this mess of a world behind for the afterlife. Sounds grim but not really. Heh. He died of natural causes so we know he was at peace and accepted then that his time has come. Fans and long-time listeners of his should also be at peace with this knowledge. I don’t consider myself a fan but since he’s been around so much because my dad plays his songs in the car often, I’m the same. I’ve accepted his passing away early this year. He’s lived his life well and given us good music to listen to should we like to remember him and his works and celebrate his life and legacy doing so.

Schlesinger’s case was way worse because, well, COVID 19. And it’s well...I guess we all saw it coming, me included, that I’d just learned, watching the one of many national English news on ANC that ‘pandemic’ is the word of the year according to Merriam-Webster. Timely, huh? Yep. Predictable, really. Sarcasm noted here.

So if someone ever asks what 2020 was about, we only have to say that according to Merriam-Webster, it’s the global (COVID 19) pandemic. Short, not-so-sweet, succinct, and grim. Yep.

This one, Schlesinger’s case, is something I still find difficult to accept. He was only 52 years old! He was at the prime of his life and had some projects still he was working on at the time of his passing so WHY?! I suppose that’s all of us who followed him and his extensive work on tv, film, the stage and his own band, Fountains of Wayne when we heard news he’s passed away due to COVID 19 complications. It’s definitely me now though I learned of it late. Heh.

To cope with the sadness of losing Schlesinger, gone too soon at 52 years old and with an impressive Hollywood tv, stage, film resume to his name since and his own band’s, Fountains of Wayne (FoW) really good discography, by the way, I’ve been listening to FoW’s Welcome Interstate Managers---all of the contents of said album/record---and That Thing You Do’s OST with the Beach Boys’ Sounds of Summer Best of in between. My favorite song on Welcome Interstate Managers is the sarcastic take on real life as an everyday worker in sales, Bright Future in Sales. As much as I like chill sounds where music goes, I like me some music with lyrics jolting us back to grim reality in much the same way I like films (indies, mostly, or lesser known short and full-length ones) that tackle social issues not frequently discussed in public or so but we are aware are there, still plaguing much of today’s society. I live for cynical, satirical, ironic, and even hyperbolic stuff about real life actually. It may be why I’m so entrenched and attached to the era where we all hated ourselves---the 90s. Although one would say much of that sentiment or feeling did carry itself to the 2000s, though. I don’t know about you, but until now, I still hate or have heavy dislike for myself and everything else around me, especially our gov’t or current admin here in the Philippines, and people in general so I don’t think it ever really goes away. And going off tangent again for the nth time today.

Anyway, my 1996 was That Thing You Do on HBO in our household...on and off along with other 90s films like The Craft, Clueless, Jawbreakers (I think this still plays in Cinemax from time to time) so of course losing Schlesinger also was...rather, is hard. He’s done so much and he was supposed to be working on more and he’s left such a deep mark here for us, avid fans of American pop culture...I suppose, even the casual ones. Aside from his That Thing You Do, I’d also seen Josie and the Pussycats at some point. I don’t remember when, where...though I did watch some episodes of the cartoon on Cartoon Network (CN) so of course, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen the film of it as well. He worked on a track or some tracks there, too. 

2020 sucks. COVID 19 sucks. This global pandemic sucks. But at least there’re films, tv shows, music, stage musical plays turned movies (Jonathan Larson’s Tick, Tick...Boom! is coming to us soon with Andrew Garfield in the lead---I’m wary of Garfield being a forgettable actor since The Amazing Spider Man because Dane Dehaan was what made that for me, to be quite honest so I’m not so sure of him being Jon here and as a self-respecting Larson fan since Rent, I’d rather they casted Neil Patrick Harris/NPH since he was in the London stage for this way back anyway...) to keep us entertained and fine until then. What would it take for ‘rona, and I’m not talking about the American Corona beer here that’s really popular in the west coast, to go away? I, like the rest of you in self isolation or quarantine, tend to think so but I don’t think we’ll have any answer to that until the vaccines are well underway by spring next year. Or at least, that’s what health authorities and scientists tell us anyway. I get reminded of it often in the news and I only tune in to that once in a while now because even that, following that daily, breaks my mental faculties down due to stress and pressure and all and I can’t have that when I still have so much, at the back of my mind, to do.

But anyway, time to conclude this one with one of my favorite The Wonders songs, All My Only Dreams just to end on a good note, better than the last paragraph’s ending at least and to remember Schlesinger as well that we’d lost this year along with plenty others we’d met in passing who’ve also left this world especially due to COVID 19 complications. I know we know a lot of those. For me, it’s a distant relative or family member I’d known since young but don’t have particular fluffy bunny feelings for because of some things that happened between the guy and me growing up in the NCR/Caloocan City to be exact. There’s also my good friend and former co-worker’s only remaining parent, her dad and a few more, I’m sure. So I hope 2021 would be better but I doubt it...very much. It’s still looking pretty dim, grim and bleak from here, where I’m currently standing in 2020.

Before we really end though, COVID 19 is definitely not a hoax. It hasn’t been since the first cases started in Wuhan, China. It’s just, only been getting worse and still continue to claim lives and spread to more people even those at home. So as someone who comes from a household of mostly medical workers or health care workers here, we should really be very careful about and around it. Let’s take the necessary health protocols seriously like wearing a mask out and maybe the face shield too and always keeping the sanitizers, alcohols in our bags among others---hygiene and sanitation, disinfection. It may come off really anal of me and I am not anal (I don’t like people with Type A personalities in the first place, lol...I’m just a very cautious Virgo, really, and a Type X---mix of Type C and D personalities) but seriously, SERIOUSLY, I can’t stress this enough, COVID 19, the virus SARS-COV2, that causes it is real. Very real and once it’s in your system, it can go the fatal, deadly way or just the mild and you’ll recover later anyway way. It’s not picking which people should die next and which should not, really. It’s really just there making a mess of things that are already messy since the beginning. My point being, it’s just better if we don’t spread it or are careful enough not to contract it with following health protocols set by health experts, scientists to help us get by this...pandemic. 

Well here’s to 2020 being over soon and 2021 creeping in on us soon enough. 

P.S.

Billie Armstrong of Greenday upped a cover of That Thing You Do as a tribute to Adam and the youtube live of the Wonders coming together again to pay tribute to and celebrate Adam’s life may still be up on the ‘tube. I have yet to see the latter but enjoyed the former. They are just so...sweet and precious. Ugh. Adam Schlesinger, gone too soon indeed. :(

PPS

Another songwriter/contributor in the TTYD OST passed away last year, too. Rick Elias. Cause of death is brain cancer. I had a friend from college, young and so full of life and dreams, who passed away due to the same thing so I’m kind of aware how this goes. Ugh. Cancer sucks. All of these are just so...sad. Depressing, actually.

[earwaxinggibbous]

Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2019

So 2019 was kind of a weird year, wasn’t it? Not just for like, life, though it was weird in that aspect, but in music.

I can’t tell if 2019 was an incredibly strong year for music or a weak one. This, to me, is a sign that we’re transitioning into a new era of popular music. The youth are once again taking the reigns of the music scene as did the punks of the 70′s and the grunge kids of the 90′s. Meanwhile, the oldheads flounder for relevance in the face of this new adversity. “Nobody could’ve expected this!”, said no-one ever.

There was a lot of great pop this year, which I will get to, but there was also a lot of bad pop. All of it was either by shitty new artists who have no talent or previous hitmakers swimming around in their own piss. Regardless, it was all interesting to look at. You won’t see any “this entry is short because this song is boring” sections. I also won’t have to rant and rave constantly about the reprehensibility of certain artists, though it will come up. So I guess 2019 was a better year to talk about bad music.

Less do dis.

10. Senorita - Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes

I can’t explain why I hate Camila Cabello so much. I didn’t even realize I hated her until, like... now.

I thought Havana was okay, and her work with Fifth Harmony was tolerable, but every other single she’s dropped has been fucking excruciating. Bad Things sucked, that one song where she can’t pronounce the word “heroin” properly sucked, and this song sucks.

Much like Selena Gomez above, Camila Cabello is yet another female singer who lacks the ability to display any chemistry with anybody, even her actual real friend Shawn Mendes. As well, like sister Gomez, she fills the chart niche of sexy Latina women for men to drool over. “I love it when you call me senorita” is one of the corniest and stupidest lines ever written. She may as well have said “it gets me hot when you call me Ms. Cabello” because that’s essentially the equivalent. 

There’s nothing sexy about the airy whimpering or the obnoxious “ooh-la-la”s or the way Shawn harmonizes, which implies he also loves it when you call him senorita. Nobody actually bothered to think any part of this song through because nobody ever thinks very hard about writing Camila’s songs. Otherwise Bad Things wouldn’t have accidentally sounded like an abuse anthem when it was supposed to be kinky and sexy. And it’s how creepy lyrics like this got by in Senorita.

If he says you’re just friends then you’re JUST FRIENDS. Did we learn nothing from Ann-Marie and Marshmello last year?

This is just yet another lame, plotless, meandering love/sex song by Camila Cabello who has a good voice, but only ever performs these god-awful sex jams with no sex and no jam. And it’s unfortunate because this is sort of the lot dealt to most Latinx artists. Pop-friendly artists like Camila are divvied up into racial categories without anyone even noticing, and most likely she will only ever write and perform sex jams because that’s what a Latina woman in pop is pushed into. Not that I think she has any problem with it, it’s more indicative of a bigger problem than specifically one with Camila herself.

People have been sexualizing the Latinx community since the dawn of time, and while the new movement of Spanish music might change this, it sure as hell hasn’t started yet.

At least it isn’t seven minutes long like Te Bote.

9. Money in the Grave - Drake and Rick Ross

Drake had 25 hits last year, and only one of them was a song I might say I actually like. I remember I said there’d be no boring songs, but... Drake hasn’t been interesting in a long time. Even when I found out about his secret son, or the fact that he was with a significantly younger woman, I just kinda shrugged and said “oh”. Drake has to be on his way out. How much longer are people going to stand this?

Money in the Grave isn’t as turgid as 2018’s Nonstop, or as audibly inept as the 2017(?)’s Pop Style, but God. At this point, every Drake song sounds the same. The man is incapable of bringing forth any kind of emotions, his beats are pathetic drum loops, nothing he writes has any personality. It’s almost funny how boring his music is.

Rick Ross, if you remember him, was known in his time for writing shouty drug dealer anthems. He yelled a lot, and I was sitting with bated breath waiting for him to fucking 6ix9ine scream over this track, only to be disappointed when he lowered into a calmer register for this tune. Drake even made Rick Ross boring, and Rick Ross is one of the funniest bad rappers I can think of, aside from like, Soulja Boy.

I no longer understand what niche Drake fills. You can’t dance to this, you can’t get high to it, nobody’s gonna think you’re cool if you enjoy it, the lyrics aren’t even passably interesting. It’s the same rap cliches as always, perhaps with a new coat of paint, but said paint is the same color as it already was previously, and makes no change. 

No wonder Drake endorsed Lil Baby. Nobody else can equal his talent at sounding bored.

8. Bad Guy - Billie Eilish

So here’s an unpopular music critic opinion: I don’t like Billie Eilish.

I’ve known of her for a long time, and never once has she drawn my intrigue. I’ve gone all over asking people why they like her, and I’ve heard all sorts of answers. Her voice is good, her lyrics are good, her production is interesting, her subject matter is deep... whatever it actually is, I couldn’t tell you. But in the end, I basically feel the same way about her as I do about Twenty-One Pilots. She’s an artist in an oversaturated micro-genre who, despite being of lower quality than her contemporaries, managed to do something different enough that she rose up in the latter part of the genre’s life. In Billie’s case, it’s the trend of female alt-pop singer-songwriters who write about things like politics, feminism, and ESPECIALLY mental health.

Lorde was the original, but we also have Lana Del Rey, the more pop-friendly Halsey, Marina and the Diamonds, the dreaded Melanie Martinez, to some extent even Alessia Cara, just a whole bunch of them. They all had their own unique personality. Billie Eilish’s personality is that she has none.

Okay, I’m being a little mean. I do think that Billie’s music videos are actually very interesting, but good music videos does not a good musician make. Her voice is more of a phlegmy whisper than people let on, and her lyrics... like, what, what makes them so special? And why didn’t wish you were gay get ANY backlash when it’s basically just a backwards version of Little Big Town’s Girl Crush?

Bad Guy is the worst of her singles without question. Its beat, much like most of her songs, sounds like two people accidentally banged on top of the Cassio and somebody pressed record. Her voice continues to be boring and flat, for some reason she has to whisper everything, and the lyrics are some of the most mind-numbing shit I’ve ever heard. Which moron at corporate told the 17-YEAR-OLD to write a “steal yo man” song where she threatens to seduce my dad? Like, ignoring my own personal history with my dad, you are literally a CHILD.

Generally speaking, the song sounds like someone gargling mouthwash in my ear for a minute or two, but like, very quietly. Which is kind of pathetic for a song called Bad Guy. You sound like a pretty average guy to me.

It’s obvious from the music video that Billie’s main inspiration is grunge, and if that isn’t the case I’ll be surprised. The weird imagery and intentionally dressing like a homeless person to every public thing she does gives off big Nirvana energy. One could argue that Billie Eilish is a good segway into teaching the youthsters about the ghosts of music’s past. There’s just a few problems with that.

One: Bad Guy sounds nothing like a grunge song.

Two: Billie Eilish does not have a grunge voice.

Three: Billie Eilish just... isn’t doing it right.

Billie Eilish’s parents are two wealthy actors and she was basically born with the ability to get into the business easier than other people. I’m not saying that you can’t be a grunge artist if you’re wealthy and have a decent family life, but I am saying that Billie’s music doesn’t convey any kind of grunge appeal. There’s no roughness or rawness to it because she could immediately walk into a producer’s studio with a wad of fifties and ask for a sick beat. Her music displays no emotion, and emotion is the main draw of grunge. Like, Kurt Cobain wasn’t a very good singer, but he knew how to perfectly channel how he was feeling. Grunge music is about feelings, not polish. And Billie Eilish is all polish.

I’m not gonna get all angry because grunge is being gentrified by a tiny girl when it was originally started by broke heroin addicts and lesbians, but I am gonna get angry because her music sounds worse than albums made on a budget of 600 dollars by a guy who has had one voice lesson his whole life.

She should just go into modern art.

7. Worth It - YK Osiris

Originally I was gonna give this spot to a different song. Worth It was so immediately bad that it rescued Lil Baby from my list this year.

Don’t expect to be this lucky next year, bitch.

But we’re not talking about that squealing douchebag, we’re talking about THIS squealing douchebag:

YK Osiris. I have no idea where he came from, I think he was part of last year’s XXL Freshman Class? He’s more of a singer than a rapper, so I’m not sure why he was, other than the predetermined idea that all black artists in pop are rappers. I wouldn’t even call him a singer, because the man cannot sing.

At the beginning of the music video, you see dozens of paparazzi swarming around YK Osiris’ car as he exits with a girl. This is the set-up for the song’s impressive amount of self-fellating narcissism, as YK Osiris assumes he has fans. Who the fuck listens to YK Osiris? I mean, clearly someone, because he charted, but like... what does a YK Osiris fan look like? Do women actually like hearing him wheeze into their ear? Like BEES?

NO MORE BEES!

Hearing this fucking chicken nugget talk about whether or not I’m worth eet is the lamest thing. Why does she have to be worth it? Are YOU worth HER time? Who the fuck are you? The attitude is very, I guess, mid-70′s Paul Anka-esque. And now I’ve made you imagine a YK Osiris cover of You’re Having My Baby. I also remember Todd in the Shadows compared this song to Earned It by The Weeknd, but I dunno if I get that vibe.

I mean, Earned It is a song about like... BDSM sex, presumably. So that’s more of an “if you’re good master will make you squart” kind of thing. This is more some sentient dildo insisting that you prove his worth to him before you’re even DATING. That’s a red flag on the same level as meeting a guy who lives alone and still puts a lock on his fridge. Like, what’s in there? What’s in the fridge? Is it human meat?

The guitar solo in this song is the only thing about it that’s... worth it. ZING!

6. ZEZE - Kodak Black ft.Travis Scott and Offset

ZEZE is a bad song. Plain and simple. It’s the essence of bad.

It feels like... it wasn’t even finished. Like everyone involved came in the next day to finish tweaking it only to find out that it was already sent out to be published and sold. I feel like there are things missing. Like yeah, the steel drums are nice, but where’s the rest of the instrumentation? There’s a drum and a steel drum and then nothing. Why does this song feel so naked?

Kodak Black sure doesn’t help, still sounding like he’s half-man half-screaming rubber chicken and mumbling like an actual infant still figuring out the whole “talking” deal. It’s not like Travis Scott or Offset add anything. I can’t remember what they did. ZEZE sounds the way I imagine taking ketamine and cocaine would feel. This song is so amateurish, I almost have good will for it.

If this was made by, say, a couple of high school kids dinking around with a Garageband, I might find it a little cute. The problem is that this song was made by several Whole Ass Adult People who have enough money to not make shit that sounds like ZEZE. It’s cute until you remember that Travis Scott produced big sexy SICKO MODE and yet somehow his presence couldn’t make ZEZE sound like it was made on a higher budget than 20 bucks. Someone even put an echo on Kodak’s voice, like that’d make him ANY BETTER.

It doesn’t help that I have continuing ill will towards Kodak Black because he’s a sex offender and nobody seems all too pressed about it. (Some rappers even congratulate him for having a rough past, like yeah, I guess some of those serial killers really did deserve better, huh?) I won’t be satisfied until he’s wearing orange pajamas on an island far away, and until then my feelings stand.

As it is, ZEZE is a song so chintzy-sounding and lame that I can’t imagine who would enjoy it. This song has the same energy as one of those hula girls you put on the dashboard of your car: Cheap and ugly.

5. The Git Up - Blanco Brown

Whenever something new is created, there’s always a leech.

I probably don’t need to tell you about the monstrous year Old Town Road had on the pop charts. For weeks and weeks, Lil Nas X was blocking people from his throne at the top of the Billboard Hot 100, bumping off new faces like Billie Eilish and oldheads like Taylor Swift. Old Town Road knew no mercy. This is the year that a gay black kid singing about horses ruled the world.

And Blanco Brown wanted a piece.

Blanco Brown is one of those artists who started out producing and writing for other hitmakers. He worked on some song by 2Chainz, a couple by some woman named Demetria McKinney, he produced that accursed MILF song by Fergie, a lot of relatively famous people. But he looked at Old Town Road and realized that he, being a black man from the lovely state of Georgia, could also do that.

He could not do that.

The Git Up is a husk of a song, only validated by the fact that it achieved what it was aiming for: TikTok memes. It’s as shameless as Watch Me, but doesn’t even have the small sense of excitement Silento gives off. Blanco Brown’s The Git Up and the “challenge” that it’s attached to are pathetic. The only reason Blanco isn’t too ashamed to go outside after writing this is because he knows plenty of people have fallen into his trap, and that they’re bigger fools than he is.

I started off hating Old Town Road, but over time I’ve sort of come to love it. There’s innocence in it. Lil Nas X didn’t mean for it to be a number one hit, it just happened. A lot of artists were trying too hard this past year, and I suspect it’s why Old Town Road made the pop charts its bitch. It didn’t have to try.

A lot of people will point at rock bands for being “fake”. If they draw inspiration from grunge or punk, and they don’t have the proper edge, many will point and laugh. But just because something is fun and hip doesn’t mean it’s easier to make. In fact, I feel it’s a lot easier to tell if someone’s making a shitty pop song for any reason other than themselves. A lot of people thought Lil Peep was faking, and he really, really wasn’t. There’s grey area in topics like depression, but Blanco Brown (and anyone like him) is as transparent as a window. I see through his mock-excitement, his cute little dance challenge, his “innocent” song. We all do.

I believe Tyler Durden put it best:

“Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.”

4. I Don’t Care - Ed Sheeran ft. Justin Bieber

Speaking of being fake...

I don’t know if Ed Sheeran realizes how embarrassing this song is. More than any other song he’s been involved in. More than Shape Of You, or that one song on Revival, more than anything. I Don’t Care is an exercise in humiliation.

Generally speaking, I don’t like Ed Sheeran’s music. I think he’s had a couple good songs, we all like Sing and Castle on the Hill, it’s not like he’s untalented. But every time he’s gotten a big hit these past few years it’s been so shitty or mediocre that I wanted to scream. I’m not sure why, but all of his fans seem to flock towards his worst songs. And of all of them, I hate I Don’t Care the most.

Usually the problems with Ed Sheeran’s music just revolve around his meek, tiny personality and his weird style of lyricism. The level of detail he gets into can be both an asset and a detriment. I remember I basically described Shape Of You as a virgin anthem, because Ed Sheeran exudes dorkiness. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it comes to nerd music I’d rather take Thomas Dolby, but he definitely had a style.

I Don’t Care is Ed’s Intuition.

As in, the Jewel song. The blown-up pop song released by Jewel, a previously sincere folk singer who played acoustic guitar and sang about break-ups and The Media(TM) and stuff like that. Ed Sheeran is a lot like Jewel, if you think about it. Both of them are skilled lyricists who play acoustic guitar and sing about personal topics, and both of them suddenly decided to throw that away and make a sell-out pop hit. If this kills Ed’s career, they’ll have had basically the same musical trajectory.

Ed Sheeran opens the song by saying he’s at a party he doesn’t wanna be at, and that’s how the song feels. You, the listener, are at a party you don’t wanna be at. What good did adding Justin Bieber to this song do? Oh, right, that’s what made it a hit. I Don’t Care goes far beyond Blanco Brown’s brand of shamelessness. Blanco Brown specifically wanted a dance challenge hit. Ed Sheeran just wanted a hit. Any hit will do. He brought in guaranteed hitmaker Justin Bieber, tossed out his acoustic guitar for fully electronic production, and sang about something vague and already done. And the worst part is that it WORKED.

I imagine this was almost entirely through radio play, because this song is so radio-friendly and milktoast it’s unreal. With a stupid music video greenscreening Ed’s face onto shit and “ooh ooh”s and all, this song exists to pander. It wasn’t created for humans, rather, it was created for the pop music algorithm that’ll shove it into people’s laps without them asking. There’s no artistic integrity, nothing worth thinking about for longer than its runtime. It made it to the Hot 100 because it can be played in grocery stores and clothing stores and really any kind of store. Ed Sheeran is a God of nothing, and I can’t imagine he’s proud.

3. No Guidance - Chris Brown ft. Drake

This song is bad on every possible level. Starting off with the fact that it’s nine minutes long. It out-lengths last year’s overly long garbage fire that was Te Bote. 

And then you look at the credits and know exactly who’s to blame for all this:

I don’t know if Lil Dicky anticipated giving Chris Brown’s career a second wind with Freaky Friday, but I think that’s what he did. I defended Lil Dicky last year, and I’m still not clear on how much he actually wanted to work with Chris Brown since that’s not really the kind of thing famous people are honest about, but this wasn’t Lil Dicky’s hit. This was a springboard to launch Chris Brown back into the limelight. Earth didn’t even chart. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the last gasp of Lil Dicky’s career in the spotlight.

But I’d take Freaky Friday over No Guidance any day.

No Guidance is the formal beef-squash between Chris Brown and Drake. Apparently they both dated Rihanna at some point and allegedly had an actual literal bar fight. Despite Drake claiming he still loves Rihanna, he’s also choosing to publicly make up with and work with the man who got her hospitalized at 19 years old. Then again, Rihanna also wants nothing to do with Drake.

(source)

Over time, Drake has proven himself to be his own flavor of scumbag, a weirdo who dates younger women and pretended not to have a son. Perhaps this is his way of getting back at Rihanna. Or he’s simply using Chris Brown’s new power to bolster his own career. Regardless of why it is, it’s gross, especially when he’s dropping bars like this:

Someone else here is looking a little violent, no?

On pure quality, it sounds like every other Chris Brown song, just with Drake tossed into the mix haphazardly. It’s a lame song about hitting on some girl where both artists drop references to their old songs because that’s the easiest way for a failing artist to feign relevance. Assuming nobody features Chris Brown on another massive hit next year, there’s a fair chance he’s done for, and after years of oversaturation, the public finally tires of Drake. No Guidance is a nothing song with scummy shit going on behind the scenes.

RIP Lil Dicky.

2. 7 Rings - Ariana Grande

I never really understood the hype around Ariana Grande. She has a few songs that I enjoy, and her voice is very good, but nothing by her really stands out to me as an amazing song. Ariana stans are relentless. When I posted my review of the thank u, next album some complete stranger replied to it with “Uhhh ok sis”. Like barring the fact that I’m not a girl and we’re not related... it’s an opinion, calm yourself.

Frankly I don’t know how people enjoyed this song. Her stans are insane, but surely not that insane, right? I mean... this isn’t a song. It’s a MISTAKE.

Between Gwen Stefani and Ariana Grande, sampling The Sound Of Music for your pop song is a dangerous game. And really, she should’ve sampled like, anything else. Because nothing says “wealthy, savage girl” like a cute song about your favorite things, I guess!

I’ve never felt quite so immediately gross and uncomfortable as I did when listening to 7 Rings. I have no problem with women flexing, of course I don’t, but this isn’t flexing, it’s mocking. 7 Rings makes me feel like I’m being bullied.

Ari had a horrible 2018, and she’s more than allowed to flex a little, but I can’t imagine why anyone would want to essentially play the villain of a high school movie. She’s not Cher Horowitz or Regina George, because then at least she’d be entertainingly bitchy. I judge a flex anthem based on how much I get excited for the person being wealthy and cool. This song makes me want to commit a robbery.

The lyrical content isn’t the only bad element. It also sounds like shit! 

Ariana Grande is a belter. Everyone knows she’s here to sing and not... rap. Which is exactly what she does on this song. The filters she puts over her voice during the rapping sections are just... gross. When she drags out certain words it hurts my ears. That and apparently multiple people have accused her of stealing their flows, though that’s really hard to say since it’s an incredibly generic rap flow. Also, she samples Gimme The Loot by Biggie Smalls, a song about robbing people. Which makes sense because if you bought Ariana’s album, you were robbed! Congrats!

But in the end, the most damning thing about this song is its lyrics. Why should I be excited about this absolute bitch having tons of money? Why should I care when she has the gall to say shit like this?

There were ten writers on this song and nobody thought of saying “hey, maybe the phrase ‘happiness is the same price as red-bottoms’ is a little fucking shallow!” 

And I’m not making any judgments on Ariana’s character in real life. I’m sure she’s a perfectly nice person, but if this song was supposed to project some sense of camaraderie and a “we did it!” attitude, it fails. What it does project is a snide, rich girl looking down on you for not just buying yourself out of depression. Never write a song like this again.

Honorable Mentions

Happier - Marshmello and Bastille

I’m not gonna be the first to say every Marshmello beat sounds exactly the same, but every Marshmello beat sounds the same. I picked this one because it charted highest, but really it makes no difference which Marshmello song I pick on.

Sweet But Psycho - Ava Max

This song reads like a 12-year-old’s deviantART journal.

Drip Too Hard - Lil Baby and Gunna

Like I said, this song almost got on the list proper. It’s a slow burn. At first you feel like the beat is solid, and Lil Baby rides it decently enough, but then it keeps going and the flows never switch and Gunna basically sounds the same as Lil Baby and you begin feeling like you’re losing your mind.

Thotiana - Blueface

People kept memeing about this. I thought it’d be fun. I hate you guys.

God’s Country - Blake Shelton

Namedropping The Devil Went Down To Georgia does not make you Primus. Because you are not creative or interesting.

Trampoline - Shaed

I wouldn’t have even given this song a second thought except apparently it’s hit the alt-rock charts? Where is this rock? Like I get we’re pushing the boundaries of genre but I think the bare minimum of a rock song would be a GUITAR.

Knockin’ Boots - Luke Bryan

This song is dumb. But I’m oddly amused by how dumb it is, so it may live.

Baby - Lil Baby and DaBaby

Sometimes things sound like a good idea, and then they’re not. This didn’t even sound like a good idea and it proved to be an even worse idea. Something definitely could’ve been done with this, but Lil Baby is essentially a creative void that consumes all it sees.

Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi

Another song that’s too dumb for me to really get mad at. God knows, Capaldi is putting a hell of a lot of effort into something. What it is, I’m not sure, but he’s doing his best.

With those out of the way, we move onto

Number One:

You Need To Calm Down - Taylor Swift

"I AM LAID LOW BY THE HUMAN RACE. ME, AN INNOCENT WOMAN, MUST DEAL WITH ‘HATERS’ EVERY SINGLE DAY. MY HEART HAS BECOME WEAK WITH ALL OF THE UNKIND WORDS. DARE I SAY... I AM OPPRESSED?”

It’s ironic hearing Taylor Swift tell me to calm down. She hasn’t been calm for a long time. She sure as hell isn’t calm in this song. It’s basically the equivalent of someone screaming “I AM NOT ANGRY!”

Like, you’re... still mad about the snake thing? It’s been a few years now and you’re still bothered enough by an emoji that you referenced it in a song about how not-bothered you are? I mean, apparently this song (as well as ME!) is about celebrating individuality. It definitely is celebrating an individual: Taylor Swift.

I think a big theme of this year was “embarrassing”. The Git Up was embarrassing, I Don’t Care was embarrassing, but none of them are more embarrassing than this. You could probably do a list of the ten worst Taylor Swift lyrics and it’d be mostly this song. And if the lyrics aren’t terrible enough, it also blatantly copies the beat from Sunflower, the second-biggest hit of the year and a personal favorite. Like, a fellow critic remixed them together and the backing track is essentially unchanged.

And then we get to the gay stuff.

I’m not the first to point out that the underlying message of this song is pathetic at best and offensive at worst: “I have haters, and gays have haters, so we’re basically the same.” This is essentially Taylor Swift hoping she’ll get an invite to judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race.

There’s just kind of an eensy weensy problem.

Gay “haters” are like... ACTUALLY DANGEROUS.

They’re not just the goofy, protest-sign waving boomers she depicts in her music video. An internet comment is harmless. Homophobia isn’t. Homophobia leads to suicide, gets teens kicked out of their homes, causes hate crimes, it can cause incredibly serious harm. Someone sending you a fucking snake emoji isn’t the same as years and years of systematic oppression!

Does Taylor Swift have to worry about her safety when she tours in more conservative areas? Does she have to fear the possibility of losing friends and family ties when opening up about herself? Does she have to worry about letting the public see who she dates, beyond the usual celebrity drama? Do people shout slurs at her on the street? Do churches and politicians campaign against her right to marry?

Of course not.

Taylor Swift has always made everything about herself. She’s lied and been petty for years and years in her music. Imagine lying about KANYE. You don’t need to lie about fucking Kanye to make him look bad! He does it himself! She was the victim that time, and every time. But at no point until now did she stoop low enough to openly compare herself to oppressed groups because people are mean to her on the internet.

Like this isn’t even about articles or tabloids or anything, it’s about people being nasty online. The phrase “shade never made anybody less gay” is basically a crackhead way of diminishing our suffering. It’s not “shade” we’re worried about, Taylor, it’s having our fucking legal rights taken away. Your biggest worry is “haters”. Haters aren’t going to ban you from being married.

This song is phony, it’s a rip-off of a much better song that literally came out in the same year, it’s repetitive, it’s petty, and most of all, it tries to diminish the oppression of the LGBT+ community by boiling down all of our pain and suffering to simple “shade”.

I will not calm down.

Woo-ee. That was something alright. We’ll be moving onto the best list soon, if I don’t get caught up in my other quarantine activities.

[ilikeyouxactually]

Hiii friends, back with yet another Rocketman fic. (I’ll probably never stop at this point, sorry not sorry) 

Read it on AO3 here —> https://archiveofourown.org/works/19945147

Title: And Our Lips Met

Summary: There had been several occasions where Elton so desperately wanted to kiss Bernie. Just grab his beautiful face and smother him in gentle kisses. So many times Elton wanted to confess his feelings—that he really cared for Bernie as more than just a friend. But the pure terror of being rejected, or even worse, destroying their relationship, was enough to keep Elton at bay. He’d suffer through those little, almost romantic moments they’d share, ignoring his feelings just to ensure Bernie stayed. The last thing they needed was for their friendship to be ruined. There goes America. There goes song-writing duo. There goes their whole fucking career before it even starts.

Notes: Please enjoy this bit of fluff on what I think could have happened between Elton and Bernie during the rooftop scene. As always, this is based only on the characters in the movie, not the real people. And of course a huge shoutout to my writing partner, Anna for always fueling me with new ideas. <3′

There had been several occasions where Elton so desperately wanted to kiss Bernie. Just grab his beautiful face and smother him in gentle kisses. So many times Elton wanted to confess his feelings—that he really cared for Bernie as more than just a friend. But the pure terror of being rejected, or even worse, destroying their relationship, was enough to keep Elton at bay. He’d suffer through those little, almost romantic moments they’d share, ignoring his feelings just to ensure Bernie stayed. The last thing they needed was for their friendship to be ruined. There goes America. There goes song-writing duo. There goes their whole fucking career before it even starts.

So when the two find themselves on the rooftop of Arabella’s flat, Elton sits back and admires Bernie going on about America. The alcohol they had over dinner had already started wearing its way out of their systems, slowly bringing them back to reality. Though, if Elton were honest, he wish they could’ve gone back to their adventure home. Bernie had his arm linked with Eltons, jumping and skipping through the streets, belting out songs so out of tune it made passerby’s stop and stare. They had knocked over more trash bins than Elton could even count. Surely there weren’t really this many bins in the streets?

Bernie had finally plopped down, sitting beside Elton, their thighs ever so gently brushing against each other. As if on cue, they both raised their gazes, taking in the absolute masterpiece of stars painted on the black sky.

“Wide open spaces,” Bernie finally spoke. A smile crept upon Elton’s lips, returning his gaze to Bernie.

“I just hope I’ll be good enough.” The confession was something that had been prodding Elton’s mind ever since Dick first announced their shows at the Troubadour. America was a huge step, a gamble. One that Elton wasn’t sure he was ready to take. Yeah, he and Bernie had some amazing songs—but what if he just wasn’t enough?

“You joking mate? Y’know you—you’re a shit hot piano player, and there’s something magical that happens when you sing our songs.” The compliment forced a rosy blush to creep up Elton’s neck, and god he hoped it was too dark to allow Bernie to notice. Elton could only smile in response because seriously what was he supposed to say to that? Bernie seemed to notice Elton’s sudden apprehension, and without a second thought brought a comforting hand to rest on Elton’s knee. “It’s time for you to be upfront.” It was almost a command. The burning in Elton’s chest was becoming too much to ignore. Perhaps Bernie was right. As if losing all control over his body and senses, Elton slowly leaned in towards Bernie. His stare was fixated only on Bernie’s eyes, searching for a sign, an affirmation—anything. When Bernie didn’t respond or pull away, Elton continued, gaze dropping down to Bernie’s lips. God those soft, gentle lips he had thought of so many times before. He swiped his tongue over his lips.

Could this really be happening?

Time seemed to stand still. Bernie still seemed like an eternity away, but—was he leaning in too? Elton’s eyes shot up towards Bernie’s, who’s were now shut, and he was definitely leaning in. This was it. This was the moment. Their moment. The one Elton had been dreaming of. Be upfront. Tell him how you feel.

“Eltooooon,” Arabella’s voice suddenly cracked like thunder, making Elton and Bernie jump. “Time for beeeed,” her sing-song tone was enough to make Elton’s stomach turn. Of all times. Elton let out a heavy sigh. The last thing he wanted was to be with Arabella.

“Guess you uh—better get to her, then?” Bernie’s voice was so soft and weak it left a pain in Elton’s chest. Maybe Bernie didn’t actually want whatever this was. Maybe he had just gotten too caught up in the moment, and Arabella was what pulled him back to reality. Elton hung his head low, toying his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Yeah, ‘spose you’re right.” Elton pushed himself off the ledge, about to make his way past Bernie, when the other grabbed his hand. Elton stopped dead in his tracks, raising an eyebrow at his friend.

“Reg—I...” His voice trailed off, leaving Elton nearly breathless. Bernie almost never called him Reg, out of respect for his wishes on being called Elton. But the way Reg rolled so seamlessly off his lips, Elton hoped Bernie would say it again.

“Yes?” Elton asked, eyes quickly darting to his hand, which Bernie was still clutching.

“Just—don’t be so hard on yourself.” Bernie gave a gentle shake at Elton’s hand before releasing his grip. Elton’s heart sank. He offered Bernie a weak smile before retreating inside.

As Elton entered Arabella’s bedroom, he couldn’t help the sigh of relief upon the sight of a sleeping Arabella—an unfinished glass of wine at her bedside table. Thank god. Truthfully, Elton just did not have the energy for her, especially tonight. Arabella was a very kind, thoughtful person. She was nice enough to allow Bernie and Elton into her home, and almost never complained of the noise—except for just a few hours ago when Elton and Bernie had knocked over every single trash bin on the steps, probably waking the entire street.

But why Elton agreed to have Arabella as his girlfriend? He couldn’t for the life of him figure it out. Perhaps it was a chance to be normal? Maybe because it was nice to feel wanted? But as his heart longed for someone else, he couldn’t bear the thought of being with Arabella a moment longer.

Elton quickly changed into more comfortable clothes, a tee-shirt and a simple pair of pajama pants. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep any time soon, not with the millions of thoughts racing through his mind—Bernie, the rooftop, whatever the hell was about to happen between them before Arabella cut in.

It wasn’t abnormal for Elton to just pop into Bernie’s room at random. In fact, Elton was sure Bernie probably anticipated it most days because it happened so frequently. But for some reason, the short walk down the hall from Arabella’s room to Bernie’s felt particularly long. With each step, Elton could feel his chest growing heavier. He shouldn’t have been nervous. It’s just Bernie, he tried reminding himself. But, it wasn’t just Bernie anymore. It was Bernie, his best friend. His song-writing partner. The man he almost just kissed, and who almost kissed him back. It didn’t feel real.

Elton gave a single knock to Bernie’s door, not waiting for a response as he immediately let himself in. Bernie was sat at the edge of his bed, a notepad and pencil in hand, and god, Elton loved the sight of him writing. Bernie’s lyrics were always so beautiful, and they told a story. And whenever Elton laid eyes on them, he immediately picked up the tune. He wasn’t sure how that happened, maybe fate, or magic? But he hoped it never went away.

“Hey,” Elton offered weakly, shutting the door behind him. Bernie returned with his signature smile, and Elton’s heart melted. The notepad and pencil were set to the side, Bernie offering Elton a spot on the bed beside him. A hard lump formed in his chest. He made his way over the the mattress, sitting down carefully.

“Hey,” Bernie finally replied, once Elton was close. “Already finished with Arabella?” An amused smile on Bernie’s lips.

“She was asleep by the time I came down,” Elton explained, mindlessly picking at a hangnail. Anyone else probably would have felt uncomfortable by the small talk. But with Bernie, it was easy. Whether they were going on for hours about anything and everything, or just sitting in silence, it was all comfortable.

“You good?” Bernie turned so he was facing Elton straight on, face turned to worry. As much as Elton adored Bernie, he almost hated how Bernie could pick up on everything. He always knew when Elton was feeling down, or off. He supposed he should probably be grateful that someone paid such close attention to him.

Elton sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, rolling it carefully. Be upfront. The words rang through his head, his chest pounding. It was now or never. Without second thought, Elton grabbed Bernie’s face, smashing their lips together in a abrupt, sloppy kiss. Bernie jumped at the initial contact, but didn’t move away. Elton brushed his thumb carefully over Bernie’s cheeks, holding the kiss for just a few seconds more before pulling away. His face was flushed a deep pink, glasses now slightly eschew on his nose.

“I’m doing much better now,” Elton replied through swollen lips, smiling so wide it showed his teeth. Bernie looked stunned. He sat there, motionless, his lips also just as red and puffy as Elton’s and shit that was a good look on him. But his lack of movement or response was concerning, quickly bringing Elton down from the quick high of the kiss. “Are you okay?” Elton asked, about to scoot further away from Bernie, when suddenly the younger man grabbed his arm, pulling him back in for another kiss.

This time when their lips met, it wasn’t needy. It wasn’t desperate and sloppy. It was warm. It was collected. Bernie knew exactly what he was doing. His strong hand cupped Elton’s cheek, deepening the kiss. Elton hummed against Bernie, melting effortlessly into the other. His chest was ready to explode. Finally.

When Bernie pulled away, he rest his forehead to Elton’s, the two heaving as they tried to catch their breath. Elton couldn’t hide the big, goofy smile even if he tried, and he was relieved to find the Bernie was sporting one of his own.

“Doing great,” Bernie finally spoke, breaking out in a soft chuckle before placing a soft kiss to the side of Elton’s mouth. “I suppose you probably ought to consider talking to Arabella though.” Elton rolled his eyes, pulling Bernie back on the bed so they were both lying down in each other’s arms.

“I think that can wait for now,” Elton curled his fingers into Bernie’s hair, pulling him in for another kiss. He would never get tired of this.

[crazy-hand-official]

on hole

ok so this posts been a long time a comin’ but i finally feel like im drunk enough to talk about (and never shut the fuck up about) one of my favorite bands... Hole

hole’s music has meant a lot to me since i picked up Live Through This at some boring ass used cd store that also happened to sell erotic fantasy novels about good fathers. but anyway. holes music is for women with bad fathers. women who are kind of fucked up and angry about it, too. women who have trauma and scars and are kinda gross. women who were wronged but somehow by the grace of god empowered in the face of their horrible experiences. 

or at least it feels like that, dont it?

that was the main appeal of hole to me, anyway. i fell in love with this album around the second or third listen through. i was like, damn, shes pissed. it was so refreshing to hear a woman just screaming out her frustrations. how cathartic must it have been to be able to not only get it out, but also be taken somewhat seriously? of course hole never got the recognition they deserved. im of the unpopular opinion that they were waayyyy better than nirvana. without sounding kinda sappy... you know what fuck it im not apologizing to any of u. hole totally made me embrace womanhood. it influenced my own, much beloved way to just exist. 

but also i guess i just really love tunes. 

ps im not here for the courtney killed kurt debate lmfao!!

ok so heres the part where i write my onions about their four studio albums 

Pretty On the Inside

their first album and admittedly, my least favorite (that doesnt say much because i still really enjoy it). its sound is much more abrasive. love employs her most guttural screams in this one, but ill get to that. to its credit, its the most experimental but many interpret it as amateur guitar screeches and song bits just hashed together. and maybe theyre right! but what band doesnt have that not-quite-there-yet first album? its an unrefined, beautiful mess. A song title or two is spelled wrong. Garbadge man is one that comes to mind. and for some reason, its just... fitting. its an artistic mistake left in and its so dumb but thats the fun in it! thats the punk in it! they dont give a fuck so why should you? this album is a messy bitch. 

track im gonna nut about: mrs. jones

this song is apparently about a back alley abortion, and its just as brutal. love is screaming, just guttural sounds and expletives and nauseating lyrics. when i first heard it, i was absolutely entranced in the atrocity of it all. shes sweating, panting. i will follow you down the sick drain

other favorite tracks: teenage whore, good sister bad sister, pretty on the inside

Live Through This

their most popular album also happens to be my favorite! the start of it all...

i havent shut up about this album since day one because i just like it so much! she refines her skills and just comes out with a successful album that ties an array of horrible themes and wraps them up in a pretty pink bow. its soft aesthetic covers the dark, sickening themes that make the album. rape, anorexia, self harm, self hatred, violence, abuse... the list goes on. someone i one knew asked me why women with bipolar disorder and bpd love hole so much and i had to bite my tongue but to be brutally honest we probably like it because love had the nuts to scream about taboo themes that are so hurtfully common in our lives. just like how the depressed rally behind the smiths. oh that and the musics awesome. but anyway, the cover is a beauty queen the moment shes crowned. its supposed to represent someone who has fought, clawed, and fucked her way to the top. but look! shes the queen! shes the beauty queen! everyone will finally love her and treat her with respect! and all she had to do was sell her soul. all she had to do was get abused over and over to the point of breakdown. but she made it, didnt she? i mean, look how pretty the crown is!

favorite track im not gonna shut up about: i think i would die

im gonna be super lazy and just copy and paste what i wrote up one time when i talked about this song before:

wait nevermind i cant search for my post through my tag because tumblr is broken. something about breastmilk? ill update once i find it lmao. 

other favorite tracks: violet, softer softest, miss world

Celebrity Skin 

i dont have as many onions on this one. supposedly, love didnt want this album to become ‘the widow album’, but theres a song or two about kurt’s death snuck in there. this albums loud, but not nearly as angry as the first two. in fact, when shes not singing catchy pop tunes about how jaded she is, shes being sincere and heartfelt. all in all, its a fantastic album and my second favorite that hole has to offer. 

favorite track of the album: heaven tonight

ive heard two stories about what this songs supposedly about. on one hand, people say its about two lovers. the girl wants to lose her virginity to the guy, so she drives (recklessly) to his house and dies in an accident. she’ll never grow old, she’ll go to heaven tonight. on the other hand, i heard that love just wanted a fun song to sing to her daughter, frances bean. either way, it makes me want to dance. so idk if its about teenagers fucking or about a little girl who just needed a song, but its cool.

other favorite tracks: awful, celebrity skin, reasons to be beautiful

Nobody’s Daughter

years later, hole released their final album. when i first heard it, i was disappointed. the first track was great, but then.... i noticed her voice had deteriorated significantly due to her smoking and other vocal abuse. and i thought, damn, i really wish she released this when she was younger. she sounds normal when she screams, but i guess to compensate when singing softer parts, she does this kind of weird weird thing when enunciating that... ok i cant pinpoint or describe what exactly it is but it kinda sucks. ‘honey’ is the only hole song that i dont like very much, and its the best song to use as an example when trying to explain how her voice got all fucked. now, we cant all be bowie (whose singing voice only got better after years of smoking). but still. 

anyways, i listened to the album again, and i mean really listened to it. and actually! the smoker voice is the beauty of it! its a woman who is past jaded and past giving fucks about anyone or anything. its songs from a woman of experience. and she still sounds badass! her voice is so rough, she sounds like she could still fuck anyone up. its exciting. 

favorite track to get all sappy about: letter to god

i really found an appreciation for this song. this is a song about someone who cant be saved. and isnt that fucked up? youre so bad, so hated by all of those around you, but no one can hate you as much as yourself. and you try everything to pick yourself up but just nothing works. and everyone has their two cents in what they think will help you. but youve tried every med in the book and youve tried this and that and the other thing, and you come to the conclusion that you just cant be saved. youre drowning. so what do you do? you turn to god, a supernatural all-mighty being. but shit, i hope he can help you. because if he doesnt, fucking nothing ever will. so go write him that letter.

  i never wanted to be the person you see

other favorite tracks: nobodys daughter, skinny little bitch

and thats what i have to say about that!

[sshqmadison]

Say It’s Comin’ Soon || Brodison

WHO: Madison Mccarthy and Brody Weston WHAT: Rehearsal of a potential song for Regionals WHEN: Wed, Mar 6, afternoon WHERE: Brody’s house WARNINGS: None

Madison was still feeling off since her news over the weekend. She was grateful for daily Cheerios workouts and plans like Kitty’s party as well as working on this number with Brody to keep her moving. Fake it til she made it was the only way she knew how to operate. If she seemed like she was still on top, maybe she would get there again. She’d collected a few sets of sheet music from Between the Sheets on her way over to Brody’s place, hoping they would find the perfect number between his ideas and hers. She knocked at his door and tucked a hair behind her ear, then smiled as he greeted her. “Hey! I brought music, and snacks!” Madison said, holding each up in turn.

Brody had been going through his sheet music to find the perfect, upbeat duet for them. He´d collected a couple of pieces and once he was done he checked his watch. He had a couple of hours before he´d start his shift and he was sure they´d be done by then. So when the knock on the door came he jogged downstairs and opened it, a bright smile on his face. "Then you can stay," he found himself joking as he stepped aside to let her in and then nodded towards the basement. "Got a dance studio down there," he explained before making his way there. In the beginning it had only been that, a studio, but over the years Brody had added a piano and even a comfortable couch with a small table where they could sit to try and find the perfect duet.

Madison stepped inside and followed his lead down the stairs. It wasn't often people had a dance studio in their house, and she was definitely impressed. "How'd you get so lucky to have this kind of space?" she asked, settling on the couch and pulling out the music. It wasn't all business, as she was sure they'd have fun getting the number together, but she wasn't one to waste time, either. Madison reached into her bag and passed a water Brody's way and pulled out a container with trail mix and one with cookies. "I went with healthy and also, not so much, depending on how you're feeling," she offered, "so tell me, what did you find?"

The story behind that was rather easy, he asked his mother for it and his father paid for it, but his family wasn´t exactly something Brody liked to talk about, so he decided to keep it short. "Well I was lucky enough to have the space in the house. My Dad isn´t exactly the guy who needs a room to himself other than his office and they decided to let me follow my passions when I was a kid." He nodded towards the couch and the table, on which he had stacked the sheet music he had picked out. "Well depending on what you want to go with. There´s some classics, like Anything You Can Do I can Do Better," he picked up a cookie. "Or something a little out of the ordinary like The Song That Goes Like this," or even "Carried Away" from On The Town." he nodded. "There´s a few more in there. Just have a look,"

"It's really awesome. Mason and I are stuck rearranging the living room when we need to practice cheers or for glee," she noted. Madison shifted to grab the small stack and flipped through the titles, pulling out the ones that struck her. "I love Anything You Can Do," she gushed, lightly hugging to her chest, and then sighed, "but it's a classic. Is it too predictable? Maybe? I hate saying no to it, but..."  She trailed off and kept flipping, pursing her lips in thought as she glanced around the room. "Maybe we should put this space to use, find a number we can sing and dance to."

"Well. Good thing the two of us have more than enough space to practice." Brody chuckled. He could use a duet at Regionals and Madison was fun to sing with. It would be something different and maybe Mr. Schue would go for it. He did seem to like the old school style, but he wasn´t afraid to try new things every now and then. Brody smiled to himself as he finished the cookie and nodded. "That would certainly be something new. Duets are usually ballads or Broadway numbers. Do you have anything in mind?" He then asked, picking up some of the sheet music himself to go through.

Madison smiled knowing Brody was on board. They'd have their work cut out for them, but the payout was going to be worth it. She had a feeling. "Well, I think modern is risky with convincing Schue, but it seems to do better at competition. There's this Sara Bareilles song I'm a little obsessed with.  She did a version as a duet and it's just," she paused and made a face, unable to properly convey her feelings for the song. "There'd be room for the whole glee club for backup, it's got a good beat for dance. I brought sheet music and the track."

"He might like the old school, but he does know what works best with the judges." Brody agreed with a nod. He wanted to win, he NEEDED them to win. And if they did he wanted to be front and center. At her words he nodded. Maybe it was good not to go for Broadway this time. "Well, let´s hear it." he then added, getting up from the couch and clapping his hands together.

She bounced up and nodded, grabbing her phone to plug into his stereo. With the audio queued up, Madison pressed play and listened as the music started to fill the room. Her shoulders shimmied with the opening piano before she took to a hand microphone and started to lip sync along with the lyrics. She turned to him, looking for his reaction as he took in the song, pointing as the male vocals came in, and soon enough she couldn't stop herself and was full out singing along.  When it ended she turned to him excitedly. "Sorry, I should have let you have a clean listen without me overpowering it. But... what do you think?

Brody nodded over to the stereo and basically told Madison to help herself. He had definitely heard the song before and while it wouldn´t have been the first thing to pop into his mind for a duet at Regionas he couldn´t say that he wasn´t intrigued. Especially not with how much Madison was getting into it. It was quite adorable to watch, actually. Brody was tapping his foot along, his lips curving into a smile. "Well I think we´ve found our song." he then chuckled. "Never apologize for passion though. I can see you´re really into the song. Do you have the sheet music? Or should we see if we find it on the internet?"

Madison blushed a little at his comment about her being really into it. She'd probably looked a little ridiculous, honestly. This was type of song she danced around her bedroom to, and she knew there wasn't anything particularly graceful about that. "It's empowering, I guess. Like, it's pretty clearly about some relationship, but you can twist into any not great situation and be like yeah, it sucks, but I'll figure it out," she explained with a shrug. Madison moved back over to her bag and flipped through to find the music. "It took me forever to find the duet of this. She released the solo as a single so it was everywhere."

"Look at you, being all prepared." Brody grinned, figuring this might have been the duet she´d been wanting to do from the beginning. He wasn´t upset though, more impressed with her determination. "Well if the duet is a rarity then we might actually have a change at getting picked for the duet." Brody had performed duets at Sectionals and various competitions, and even a solo every now and then, but there was a bunch of talented people in Glee Club so to get picked over them was important.

Madison knew this was the song she wanted, but she wasn't about to force it on him. However, she was thrilled Brody had agreed to it.  Having passion for the song could only make the performance better, right? "It'll be unique," she agreed, "modern but not over done." She passed him a copy of the  music, keeping one for herself even if she didn't think she'd need it much. "Should we just start from the top?"

"Sounds like the perfect song for us," Brody replied with a smile. He´d already done some warming up before her arrival, so he was ready to go whenever she was. He went over the sheet music for a moment, making sure to know all the important parts, before wandering over to the piano. "Yeah, let´s do a slow run first," he suggested before sitting down and putting the sheet music in front of him. It wasn´t long until he had the melody down and began playing, a smile on his lips.

Madison was admittedly a little surprised when he went to the piano to play. She’d heard him sing and watched him dance, but had no idea that his talent extended to the instrument as well.  Listening to the opening bars, she shifted closer to the piano before joining in with the opening ”Goodbye, should be saying that to you by now, shouldn’t I?” Her voice carried over the bouncing melody from the keys and carried on until it was Brody’s turn to take the lead, anxious to hear how well his voice fit the song.

Brody smiled as he glanced up at her, fingers flying over the piano. He wasn´t an expert by any means, but his parents had decided he should learn an instrument, and considering he had his sights set on Broadway early on he´d picked the piano. "Maybe we can start off slow with me playing the piano and then speed it up later on," he mused as he played and eventually listened to her first tunes. His lips curved into a smile before he eventually joined in. "And I tell myself to let this story end, oh, my heart will rest in someone else´s hand."

She nodded at his instructions, happy to let him set the pace as he learned the song. After all, it was her obsession not his. Madison’s fists clenched slightly in excitement when she heard him start to sing. It was perfect. She volleyed back and forth with him through the song, harmonizing under him in some sections, and taking the lead in others. Even at a slow first go through, it sounded like victory. “You sounded good,” she complimented as they finished.

For some reason they hadn´t been singing together all too much in Glee Club. In group numbers, yes, but it had rarely ever been the two of them. Brody was enjoying himself though and it turned out that their voices were going together pretty well. He finished on a high note, his lips curving into a smile. "WE sounded good," he then told her. "And I think it´s good to start off slow and then go faster. It brings a good dynamic to the song," he scribbled down a few notes before glancing up at her. "Alright, shall we go again?"

Madison smiled at his note that it was the pairing of them that sounded great.  She needed the positivity and the feeling that something might just go her way again. "I like that too," she agreed to note on tempo. "It would make a good opener. Just you and me, slow and steady, then it ramps up and everyone joins in on backup," she mused, gesturing as she pictured it playing out in her mind.  Madison took a moment to clear her throat and took her singing stance once more. "Play me in."

"Perfect." Brody agreed as he scribbled down some more notes for the people to join in later. He´d be giving a copy of the sheet music to Mr. Schue during their next Glee Club meeting. He wanted their teacher to see just how much effort Madison and him had put into the whole thing so they´d definitely be considered for the duet. "Alright," He played a couple of notes again, his lips curving into a smile as they started over. It went on for about an hour until he figured they deserved a break. "You know, I think we really have a shot with this," Brody grinned as he took a sip from his water bottle.

She couldn't have agreed more. Even with the little time they'd put into it, the number was objectively a contender. Madison took her spot on the couch again, munching on a bit of the granola she'd brought. She took in the room for a moment, trying to think if she'd ever noticed Brody's dancing. He definitely kept up in all the group numbers, but Mike seemed to take the forefront. And with a dance studio in his basement? Brody must be more talented than she knew. "Do you want to choreograph something for it? The music would definitely support more than Schue's typical sway and twirl," Madison noted.

Brody put the water bottle down and glanced at Madison, his lips curving into a smile. "That would actually be a really cool idea," he admitted. He wasn´t necessarily a pro choreographer, but he could whip something up that would outdo anything Mr. Schue had to offer. No offense though. "I´ll definitely think of something," Brody pulled out his phone and checked the time, making sure he´d still have enough time to get to his shift. But he was good for now. "Should we do another run through and then maybe start again tomorrow? I´ll have some choreography by then,"

Madison's hands clapped together in excitement. This really was coming together. Knowing that Brody was just as invested in their number, in this number, had her all the more motivated. She was back to her feet at the piano as quickly as she'd sat down, ready to go again.  She let Brody play in the intro and was back on her lines again, full force this time for the last run through. She harmonized with him through the last chorus I'll be all right, just not tonight before finishing on her own, fists clenching with the final someday... Madison let out a satisfied sigh with a grin, holding a fake microphone to mouth. "And the 2019 Regional Champions taking a spot at Nationals... The New Directions!!"

Brody played the notes on the piano before he let the playback take over and got into the song, giving it his all. Their voices really did harmonize well together and he was going to enjoy performing this in Glee Club together. It was going to be a hard competition, because not everyone was just going to accept someone else taking a spot in the front row, but he doubted all of them would be as well prepared. Brody chuckled an clapped before holding an imaginary trophy up in the air. "Can you imagine?" He then laughed. "It would be glorious."

Madison sighed wistfully at the thought. "It would be glorious. And plausible, I think. we're strong as a team this year, stronger than I think we were last year. And I really think you and I are bringing a strong number to the table," she listed off. She was learning to not be over confident in herself, but still, optimism was her mainstay. "I think we could all pull it off."

"Definitely." Brody agreed. Most of them had grown up quite a bit this year and appreciated the fact that they were all a team more. They definitely had a shot at the championship this year and Brody would have loved to put that on his resume. And of course he´d loved to with with the team. He enjoyed performing with most people in Glee Club and it would be nice to win with them. "Same time tomorrow?" He then asked as he gathered the sheet music.

She nodded and moved to gather her things. The start of her week hadn't been great, but the magic of a good number had brought back her optimism. Madison hooked her bag on her shoulder and smiled at Brody. "I'll bring my dancing shoes."

[thesinglesjukebox]

ED SHEERAN & JUSTIN BIEBER - I DON'T CARE

[3.00]

Take his hand, stop, or ban the man from the Jukebox?

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: "At a party I don't want to be at" is exactly how this song makes me feel. [2]

Taylor Alatorre: "I Don't Care" is a layer cake of falsehoods. From the opening chord progression you can already guess that this is not going to be a song that explores alienation or nonconformity in any serious, sustained way, but a conventionally reassuring tune in which all worries are resolved through the timely intercession of "my baby." That alone is not disqualifying, but the moments where Bieber and Sheeran try to convince us there's something behind all this nothing are the moments where the song's flimsy foundations are laid bare. In lieu of worldbuilding, they serve us a handful of attention-grabbing lyrics such as "crippled by anxiety" and "I hate everyone here" -- lyrics that, in their suddenness, only highlight how unearned they are. What exactly is so terrible about these parties they keep getting invited to and inexplicably attending? We'll never know. It doesn't help that the Max Martin/Shellback production is as nondescript as can be, aiming for the intersection of dancehall and trop house and instead landing somewhere in an empty field with no recognizable landmarks. [2]

Andy Hutchins: Thank goodness for the fizzy-yet-restrained production by Max Martin and Shellback, the very necessary flotation device for what could otherwise be a dark, honest song about codependency that verges on the deeply creepy. Biebs does admit to anxiety in a brief emergence from his twin ongoing crises -- would you rather be under the Hillsong trance or pondering having Stephen Baldwin as a father-in-law? -- but this is otherwise either a party jam about the wisdom of not going to parties, a lane Alessia Cara pretty effectively drove a few years back, or a song about loving the one you're with and hating everyone else, something that Ellie Goulding, Swae Lee, and Fucking Diplo somehow made a better endeavor six months ago. I will be here for Billie Eilish figuring out, some time from now, that there is one hell of a dirge to be salvaged from this; I am not here for this as currently constructed now, nor ever. [3]

Stephen Eisermann: This definitely makes me miss Justin Bieber's material (which, WHAT), but it feels a bit too timid to be the superstar collaboration that it is. I do think that the song does a good job of placing Sheeran's and Bieber's styles together, but rather than sounding good, it proves that the two styles don't blend well. It's not bad, it's just not enough. [4]

Nicholas Donohoue: This is the logical trend line for Bieber and Sheeran. They've essentially been swapping and converging towards musical ideas for the past four years. A track where you struggle to distinguish the two and no complexity is added to a drum beat plus a groan of a melody line about how parties suck, but your girlfriend is nice is very correct for the both of them and very bland for the rest of us. [2]

Alex Clifton: It's a classic Ed Sheeran composition, which is to say it's catchy with at least one feature I hate (in this case, it's the howling the "OOH OOH OOH OOH" bit). Surprisingly this lacks the overly revealing lyrics that are the hallmark of Sheeran songs, and it tones down the sappiness so we're not stuck with any kissing toothbrushes. It's just... fine, though. For a song about anxiety and letting go, I really wish there were more musical movement instead of being ebullient all the way through -- having a hooky chorus paired with slower or more fraught sections might've been a bit too on the nose, but I need something. I'm glad that Bieber is talking publicly about his mental health struggles but when he sings about being "crippled with anxiety" I don't go there with him because the production won't let me. Had the verses been taken in a different direction this might've been more successful overall, but hell if it's not going to be stuck in my head for the next week. [4]

Alfred Soto: A shrewd son of a bitch who writes dumb songs whose hooks he encrusts with tetanus, Ed Sheeran pairs with the only pop star whose ubiquity has fuck all to do with his compassion, brains, or looks. Bieber and Sheeran's harmonies provide the only known moment of sympathy in the former's recording career, but it doesn't enliven or inhabit this "Shape of You" knockoff. [4]

Iris Xie: It's just so tired. Even the whistling sounds under duress, like they were forced to make a pop song under gunpoint because Scooter Braun is in competition with Kris Jenner for the most amount of $$$$ before 2019 is over. I'd be a lot more interested in the storyline around such a vapid song and how on earth these two pop stars could make such a soulless song. The fake trumpet and lack of harmonies sound like a bullshit essay that you would scrawl and drop off into your 8th grade English teacher's mailbox. [0]

Scott Mildenhall: If Ed Sheeran, Justin Bieber and you, the listener, were the only three people to ever feel disaffected, this single would be met with confusion. Luckily, alienation is further from being the exception than the rule, so it's actually at the top of the charts. With that in mind, would it not be more realistic to offer listeners a chink of light, rather than relaying the destructive instinct that everyone else is so much more together (and so much more shallow) than they are? This is far from the first song to play into that temptation, and perhaps it can build community by implication, but even that is undermined by the upshot that this is, above all, a love song. Sheeran and Bieber feel saved by the ones they have with them, and that is "I Don't Care"'s core. It has less to say for those who don't feel saved. [5]

Katherine St Asaph: The problem isn't the premise -- we've had centuries of songs about how parties rule, we can handle a few more about how they suck. (And Sheeran and Bieber are at the level of fame where they're probably thinking of industry parties, their own circle of hell.) Nor is it the over-chill production, for once. Nor is it how it reminds me of Dream's far superior "I Don't Like Anyone." Nor is it even the tangents about "not fitting in" that are one line away from "A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them." The problem is that Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber, as they do, make it all about their seduction skills. The heterosexual girl who'd be charmed by "shall we dance" would probably prefer her boyfriend in a suit and tie, or at least in something that took more than five seconds' worth of effort. Justin Bieber's confession of anxiety is about as convincing as ex Selena Gomez's, and using it to flirt is offputting at best. And there's a promise with this premise after all: If the party sucks so much, why not just leave? [4]

Joshua Copperman: Clearly! [3]

[Read and comment on The Singles Jukebox]

[musicmixtapes]

September 26, 2018 Mix

This week as I was curating the playlist, I got to thinking a lot about the way that our mood at a particular moment affects the music we choose to listen to. Some people say that they pick music the opposite of their mood to counteract a bad day, some choose to delve into that feeling and get in touch with it. I, being the latter, am having a memory ridden, reflective sort of week, so I chose songs that talk about the past a little bit and how they can influence the present/future. I hope you enjoy and find something that suits your mood. 

Spotify Playlist 1. Planet Hunter by Wolf Alice - This song is all about trying to recreate memories of something or with someone that happened awhile back, events which were really positive, but they cannot be rehabilitated. The artist reminds me of if Taylor Swift had not become a pop music sellout and instead taken a dark moody indie music route, and well, the results are stunning because she creates a depth of feeling to the music that most pop cannot do, in my opinion. The part I relate to the most that struck me was the repeated phrase of "I left my mind behind in 2015" which reaches a point where we, as listeners, realize that there are peaks in our lives that we wish to return to, especially at some of our valleys. I love this because it is an upbeat song about feeling out of place in the present, which is really fascinating. 2. St. Paul by Ritchy Mitch & The Coal Miners - Honestly, the piano that tinkles into a wonderful melody/rift in the beginning has to be the most alluring part of this song, which eventually becomes a much bigger feeling as it continues on. There aren't many striking piano-driven songs these days, so I was impressed with that along with the fact that this song clearly disses a saint, yet doesn't seem offensive in the slightest because it is so personal and not an attack on anything but oneself's feelings. The instrumentals and their uncertainty directly correlate with the restlessness of the lyrics and the crunchy sound of the singer's vocals; we love to see a parallel of the sound of the music to the actual meaning behind the song. All the literary techniques used to write a song is the reason why our ears are so attuned to it. 3. Window by Nana Grizol - Going along with the recurring theme of memories and the past, this song is literally a metaphor for a window looking into the past of what something once was. The defining line of this song comes when the singer refers to the window of the past and saying that "we can lift them/and focus on the moments that we lift in" which is a beautiful shift in tone from a reminiscent tune to one that look towards changing for the better and leaving the memories (whether good, bad or ugly) behind for someone else to revolve around. The artist, Nana Grizol, often covers really broad topics, such as negative feelings, the passing of time, moving on in a really succinct way that reaches an audience who needs to hear mantras in a refreshing way. I like to think of this song as a meditative yoga for the ears, please practice daily. 4. Solitary Daughter by Bedouine - I found this song in the most interesting way, so here it is: I was in the Mcnally Jackson bookstore on Prince Street in the city, rifling through the poetry section (as one does) and stumbled upon a book that transcribed songs into poems and included commentary from other writers and from the artists themselves, in a lot of cases. Reading these lyrics as a poem in a book was so thrilling because I often talk a lot about how some songs are really just poetry set to music, and in this case, other people must have thought so too. This piece is incredible in its way of speaking about a woman not needing someone to rely on or anything to sustain her, except for her own self, her home is herself, which is so liberating to both hear and read. I highly recommend reading the lyrics alongside listening. 5. Chemicals by Gregory Alan Isokov - Off of his brand new EP "Dark, Dark, Dark" which was released not but six days ago, is this peaceful and meaningful acoustic folky ballad by a personal favorite of mine. This piece is especially interesting because it plays off of the notion of the different ways in which chemicals can affect a person's body, kind of like the way a person who is really important in one's life can do the same. An image that I love to see showing up in art is the trope of hands trying to reach one another, whether it be in the "Creation of Adam" or an old film. This song plays with this lost hands imagery, in the line "how my hands can't seem to find your hands in the dark", which if I wasn't already in love with the song, sealed the deal for me 100%. Definitely check out the other two tracks off of the EP, they are wonderful as well. 6. Slipped by The National - This week's mix all began with this one sad ballad by my current favorite group and it just built off of this. I cannot express with words, on paper or in person, how much I am tethered to the lyrics of this song. Something about the raw and honest way that this was strung together speaks to a person who is done with being vulnerable to someone who has no intention in showing hidden parts of themselves back. In this narrative song, the speaker is talking to a girl who left the city to go to a more rural area in the South, thus separating the two, and telling how tragic it is to break away from something when he could not be what she wanted him to be. This is a solemn and intense vow to oneself that they will not break down and fall apart because of a love ending, this is another mantra. 7. We're So Lost by Voom - Upon first instinct, I would like to classify this song under tracks I would listen to whilst laying under the stars and thinking about our existence in such a big place or while slow dancing with someone and contemplating what is going on. But now, even in a good mood this song makes sense because no matter how you feel in terms of being in this world, everyone can agree that we have no idea what we're doing most of the times and are mere beings that are floating through time and space, trying to determine why we were placed here in the first place. In some ways, this can be thought of as a slow rock philosophical crisis song, or you can just love it because of the waltz like beauty of it. Your choice. 8. Fuck Love by Lalić - I definitely expected a cynical, bitter, anger driven song when looking at the title, but if I can say any cliché here, it's don't judge a song (book) based on its title (cover). If anything, it's more of a love song, explaining that the speaker has no real reason to be saying things like "fuck love". I think this is interesting because oftentimes, people don't like to be honest with themselves about their emotions, so instead they put up their walls immediately and turn to sarcastic, defensive comments like "i hate everyone" "love suck" or.... "fuck love". Being one of these people, this song opens up that term and exposes us hate poseurs who are very sensitive and truly love to love. The low fi rock sounds with a strong guitar line is nice to hear as well. 9. Blood Bank by Bon Iver - He is so detailed in his description of bags of blood, I have to believe that he actually had a conversation with someone he loved at a blood bank, discussing the differences between people's blood... which is... interesting. It is also vital to this song to understand that the two separate memories he tells about are very closely related because he is explaining the variability of relationships and how to decide whether it is prudent to enter into an affair or to be your own person and indulge in lonely behavior. Of course, it never hurts to be told really emotional things like this with Bon Iver's delicate crooning and layered harmonies that build throughout with such simple complexity, unmatched by other singers in his genre. 10. How It Gets In by Frightened Rabbit ft. Julien Baker - Your first question after listening may very well be "how what gets in?" as my first question was this exact thing. Maybe what gets in is this undeniably wonderful call and response song along with angelic harmonies. But maybe, what gets in, at least in terms of this song, is the literal healing of an open wound and how to properly dress it and make sure it doesn't get infected, or at least that was what was accounted by the singers in question. I interpreted the song to be a recounting and lesson on how love can come into one's life in unexpected places, and how just because there was hurt and pain in the heart for a long time, does not mean it has to stay that way forever. 11. NFWMB by Hozier - This acronym is probably the smartest thing I have experienced in a song's title in a long time: NFWMB is really Nothing Fucks With My Baby, expressed in a classy way, courtesy of the forest prince and love of my life, Andrew Hozier-Byrne. As always, there are several biblical references and apocalyptic death metaphors, which always leaves me feeling very confused and inspired at the same time. The very jazz and blues influenced low key rock song is so different from other love songs that it kind of creates its own category in that sense. It is described by others as "the love song for the end of the world" therefore going back to my feelings of apocalypse, decay and biblical tellings. 12. One In A Million by Hudson Taylor - "You gotta be cruel if you wanna be kind" ok this just hit me way too hard and true. The only way I even discovered this artist is actually because they are opening up for the Hozier concert I am attending tonight and now I am super excited to see them perform as the opening act as well. They remind me of a toned down version of The Kooks in a lot of shared vocals and chord progressions and upbeat instrumentals, except they are a duo hailing from Ireland and they classify themselves a folk band, though the punk/alternative rock influences found in this song are undeniably present. Also present is the message of knowing someone doesn't care about you the way you care about them and needing to be released from that sort of madness... cool. 13. Into The Mystic by Van Morrison - I'm probably not introducing anybody to this song for the first time right now and certainly not the last, but something about the changing of the seasons and the shift of weather from summer to autumn calls out to the mystical and slow dance vibe that this classic and iconic folky rock song inspires. There is absolutely nothing better than the buildup from quiet lull to the horn heavy chorus and interlude that just makes you want to stop and dance wherever you are in your day. Another musical aspect that is highly appreciated by yours truly is the intricate acoustic guitar rift that is taken and shifted into a lot of newer acoustic based songs that we hear all the time these days. The past influences the present and the present is heard in the past all the time, especially in music. 14. Size Of The Moon by Pinegrove - Shifting into a more heavy punk, angst themed style of music is this memory driven song which tells us about a time where the speaker is thinking on the communication issues that occurred in a relationship and how they could have easily been remedied, but there was no effort on the other half's side. From an interpretation of the song, one person smartly said, "It’s really easy to indulge in nostalgia when you’re at a rocky part of a relationship. Suddenly everything appears better than the present, no matter how imperfect those times were." I have to concur with this notion because our perception of the past changes over time and when we miss someone, at times, we look at bad memories and they even start to seem better than being alone... but they are not. 15. Kathleen by Catfish and the Bottlemen - Another song geared towards a relationship not working out the way it's supposed to is from a band that is one of my all time favorites. Their comical British style of lyrics is so appealing to my American way of thinking of things and the heartfelt honesty heard in their songs play along quite nicely with the super power rock style in which they are written. This tune in specifics, is not about the past, but the present and trying to reflect on what is going on in the "now" which is a really complicated thing to try and do, when you are infatuated with someone. The instability is heard not just in the lyrics, but also in the interchanging chords of the electric guitar and the fast paced anxiety ridden drumbeat, which is awesome.. 16. Holland, 1945 by Neutral Milk Hotel - This band is one of the weirdest, coolest ones that only the people who love grating vocals and intense lyrics can truly appreciate to the desired capacity. The whole album, from the 90s, "In The Aeroplane Over The Sea" depicts the story of Anne Frank and the tragedies behind what happened to such an innocent person, along with her youthful romance and how it all devolved in such a short time. A lot of fans of this album have also speculated that there is a second layer of meaning between the World War II references, being that is expresses the kind of tension and tragedy that occurs when you lose some so important in your life, and how the mourning of this loss can only be remedied through appreciating this person afterwards. 17. I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You by Black Kids - Okay, so I'm pretty sure that we can all understand the meaning of the song strictly through the title of this song, negating my opinion before on how you should not judge a song based on its title... well in this case, you can absolutely do that. Not only does it have the best dance tune in the world, but it is also so adorable that the singer's only common connection with the girl he is speaking about is their affinity and adeptness with dancing. Although I definitely have "two left feet" as the singer describes the boyfriend having in this song, I relate to this in terms of music. If there is a person who I really care about, the connection I automatically have is usually in a musical sense, and I am greedy about this relation. We all have something we won't teach someone else's boyfriend/girlfriend if we care about them. 18. 123 by Girlpool - I love this so much. It depicts a relationship where the speaker is asking the partner/SO to tell them everything that is wrong with them in a really sarcastic and aggressive way. It's comical and honest and vulnerable all at once which I have to give a hand for because mixing comedy with painful relationships is something that I always attempt in my writing. The song deals with an interpersonal relationship that is simultaneously “toxic and loving" as described from a contributor on Genius Lyrics, which is a website I often refer to on advice and other commentaries on music I really enjoy. The girl rock power that is disseminated with this track is so strong and empowering, for any gender, so please don't hesitate to sing this when you're feeling angsty about someone. 19. Million Years Ago by Adele - I don't think I ever really talk about my deep appreciation for Adele on here, because I try to branch out from popular artists and focus on more under-appreciated and undiscovered types; but I'm making an exception because although she is one of the most iconic voices of the modern generation, this specific song is so underrated in terms of her best songs. It sounds so french/spanish acoustic ballad inspired and makes me feel like I am transported to a black and white film from the 50s with the sadness and depth that it gives me in such a simple way. It ALSO follows along with my theme of the week, which is looking back in order to look forward, because she sings about the troubles of missing things from the past and dealing with the issues of transforming into a different person. 20. Apocalypse by Cigarettes After Sex - Finally, one of the best mixes of every song I have spoken about previously, is this moody sad love tune by the moodiest, saddest, love bands of the modern generation. There is an unspoken cheesiness of Cigs After Sex songs that for some reason, I am completely enamoured with because I feel like the notion of expressing things in a hyperbolic way has been tossed by the wayside. This group brings back the feeling of needing to tell someone how much they care and not caring about what anyone else thinks, which is important in a world that so often ridicules the ridiculous emotions that love brings about. In particular this song speaks to the feelings of needing to get someone out of a feeling they are trapped in, so to be with them fully, and telling the person they will be there in their lowest and darkest times. 

Hope you enjoyed listening with me, see you next week!

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 2nd June 2019

Top 10

So Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber are still at #1 for a third week after debuting at the spot last month, and there’s another Ed Sheeran single from his upcoming collaborations project coming in the top 10 later on. It’s safe to say Sheeran’s made a comeback but he’s definitely not as massive as he was in the Divide era, it’s not like he’s inescapable now, but he probably has a bigger era coming and this is some pointless side project.

Lil Nas X’s “Old Town Road” featuring Billy Ray Cyrus is also holding at the runner-up spot.

Also not moving at all since last week is the entire top four. Yup, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi is still at number-three.

Stormzy’s “Vossi Bop” is still at number-four, as well. The top four have all gone to #1 for several weeks, may I add, so I guess that’s cool.

Moving up a single space to number-five is Billie Eilish’s “bad guy”.

She seems to have moved past “Piece of Your Heart” by MEDUZA and Goodboys still gaining one space to number-six but not enough to overtake her.

Capaldi’s “Hold Me While You Wait” understandably drops off two spaces to number-seven after the album boost fades.

The late Avicii’s “SOS” featuring Aloe Blacc is at standstill at number-eight.

Oh, and we have our highest debut this week and the only one in the top 10, “Cross Me” by Ed Sheeran featuring Chance the Rapper and PNB Rock – yes, I was confused as well – premiering on the charts at number-nine. This is Sheeran’s 23rd (!) Top 10 hit in the UK, Chance’s fourth (All of which have been features) and obviously PNB Rock’s first, but also his first ever charting song in the UK. Ed Sheeran really can make careers I suppose... except this is PNB Rock’s second charting song by technicality, as his vocals in XXXTENTACION’s “changes” were left uncredited.

Finally, “If I Can’t Have You” by Shawn Mendes has re-entered the top 10 after a three space boost to #10.

Climbers

In terms of climbers, there’s not much of note here, in fact, there is one singular song that had any notable gain this week, and that’s “3 Nights” by Dominic Fike up six spaces to #33. Come on, let’s get this into the top 20 at least. It deserves it.

Fallers

We have a lot of these, on the other hand, a pretty large amount for a cooler week. In reverse order, Lil Dicky and Friends’ “Earth” is slowly making its way out of the charts as it goes down nine spaces to #40, “Motorola” by Da Beatfreakz, Dappy, Deno and Swarmz is down six spots to #38 as most of the UK rap songs fade out pretty quickly if they don’t debut high, “Just You and I” by Tom Walker continues its losses down seven spots to #36, “No Diet” by Digga D loses all its buzz down seven positions as well to #32, “Fashion Week” by Steel Banglez, AJ Tracey and MoStack surprisingly sticks in the top 30 as it dips down five spots to #28, while “So Am I” by Ava Max also has continued losses down six to #25, “EARFQUAKE” by Tyler, the Creator featuring Playboi Carti unfortunately collapses down seven positions to #24 off of the debut, and finally, the album boost dies off for “Grace” by Lewis Capaldi down five spots to #14.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

I am not surprised at all when it comes to these drop-outs, as most of them are pretty obviously not going to succeed past their high debuts last week, such as “Nightmare” by Halsey out from #26, “I THINK” by Tyler, the Creator featuring Solange from #30 and “Jealous” by DJ Khaled featuring Chris Brown, Lil Wayne and Big Sean out from #37, or already extended chart runs like “Walk Me Home” by P!nk from #27 after 14 weeks. Songs that never properly bloomed or peaked at the levels of popularity they could have in their prematurely cut chart run, such as “Homicide” by Logic featuring Eminem out from #38 and “Don’t Worry Bout Me” by Zara Larsson out from #40, as well as “Greaze Mode” by Skepta featuring Nafe Smallz from #35, although due to the album this will rebound next week.

“Falling Like the Stars” by James Arthur has returned to #35 for whatever Godforsaken reason, but otherwise, there are no returning entries, so let’s get straight to the new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#39 – “Wish You Well” – Sigala and Becky Hill

Produced by Sigala and Jarly – Peaked at #9 in Scotland

I hate the plastic house music that gets on the charts pretty much each and every week. Dance music is art, of course, it is, all music is, but this type of plastic, slick house music made by some producer featuring a singer who’s either a complete no-name or established pop princess, both bringing equally bland performances, has no personality and little artistic merit. I don’t hate pop music inherently, of course, I don’t, I love reviewing it but listening to these songs each week is painful because I know for a fact everyone involved didn’t care and just want it to bang in the clubs, but you know what, that’s not a bad thing. Maybe it infuriates me so much because I love house music and this stuff just reeks of soullessness, or maybe it’s just oversaturation, but nevertheless, this is Sigala’s eighth UK Top 40 hit and The Voice UK contestant Becky Hill’s sixth (fifth as a credited artist), and, well, did you expect it to be any good? Of course not, it has pretty dry keys that back up the reverb-drenched vocals from Becky Hill, who really doesn’t match up with the joyful instrumental as she has a lower tone with a lot more bite, fitting the song’s content pretty well considering it’s a sarcastic good luck and good riddance to an old lover. The house instrumental, however, loses that memo entirely, because Sigala doesn’t care, it’s probably a song written by Hill and her songwriters as a ballad or pop rock jam that got completely ruined by Sigala remixing it into a banger for the clubs and radio fodder. There’s something here, for sure, but Sigala misses the point as he does most of the time. Oh, and the mixing is shoddy in the chorus, but I expected that out of the janky chorus because that’s what Siggy does, I guess. God, this is dull.

#31 – “One Touch” – Jess Glynne and Jax Jones

Produced by Jax Jones and Mark Ralph – Peaked at #8 in Scotland

...There’s ANOTHER one? Okay, well, this one happens to be Jess Glynne’s lead single, as she’s getting top billing whilst Jax Jones is second – I can tell also because of how the single cover isn’t a Jax Jones-branded confectionary. Jones, by the way, is actually one of these house dudes I can kind of understand the hype for, the hooks he writes are infectious and I loved “Breathe” featuring Ina Wroldsen in retrospect. This has debuted pretty low for a Jess Glynne lead single, though, but knowing her ability to have insane longevity in this country’s charts, I know she’ll be fine, especially as this is her 13th UK Top 40 single and Jones’ eighth, but this isn’t great either. I feel like I’ve hear d it before, in 2015, from Jess Glynne’s first album, because this is somewhat dated, I feel, it’s very much of the vein of mid-2010s EDM that was massive back then. Glynne sounds pretty great here, but again her performance directly takes from her older work, and the chorus’ melody and its multi-tracked delivery sounds alarmingly similar to her previous hits “Hold My Hand” and maybe even “My Love”, both songs that I absolutely love. The drop is pretty weak, but it works well enough, once again, however, this is generic and derivative, but what did I expect? If this is Glynne’s lead single, yikes. If it’s Jones’, yeah, I figured.

#29 – “Easier” – 5 Seconds of Summer

Produced by watt, Louis Bell and Charlie Puth? – Peaked at #13 in Belgium and #48 in the US

There are two songs in the UK Top 40 now that sample Nine Inch Nails and make absolutely no sense doing so, but “Old Town Road” is different than this new 5 Seconds of Summer track. First of all, “Old Town Road” is actually good. Second of all, it uses an acoustic guitar sample from one of their darker ambient tracks and interprets it into a country-trap fusion which is innovative, it doesn’t attempt to interpolate any of the industrial rock efforts into a lazy boy band jam the Jonas Brothers wouldn’t accept. While I like “Youngblood” still to this day, this is a very disappointing follow-up and it’s clearly trying for the same vibe, except instead of a pumping bassline to make the chorus feel punchier, you’ve got the flattened Nine Inch Nails sample. I’m pretty sure there’s one second of Summer actually singing here, but the insanely Auto-Tuned vocals would make it hard to distinguish anyway. I actually kind of like the chorus somewhat, since the vocal effects sound pretty interesting at least with the electro-industrial tinges from the Nine Inch Nails sample making it feel quite stiff, which works sonically but doesn’t work with a toxic relationship song, well, does it? He’s stuck in this relationship that he’s struggling with, so surely an intimate, cluttered mess would be fitting, but the only reason he’s stuck is because she’s attractive so the dull trudge of the beat definitely detracts from the content, since he can get out at any point if he gets over his own hormonal urges, so maybe it should have more bounce, more energy, maybe a groove, but it’s not there. This is the band’s tenth UK Top 40 single, and it sucks pretty bad.

#18 – “The London” – Young Thug, J. Cole and Travis Scott

Produced by T-Minus – Peaked at #6 in Canada and #12 in the US

Now, I’ve been waiting to talk about this one, because I love Young Thug, or at least I love the concept of Young Thug – an unorthodox constantly switching flow, a voice hitting frequencies only dogs can hear and nonsensical lyrics about nutting on fishes on sofas crooned off-key with an insane amount of Auto-Tune that only makes it more engaging... over average trap beats. This is a genius formula to me, but often the production doesn’t really help Thugger at all, in fact, I’m let down by a lot of the beats he has especially on earlier mixtapes and the YSL compilation project. He kills most features, can easily develop a narrative in a verse, is a crazy performer with funny lyrics, yet most of his songs don’t slap as much as they could because while Thugger’s got everything, he has to commit to the limitations of the beat and often that slows him down and dampens him. I liked his newest EP, and that got me thinking about his new project and where it was going... then I found out it was called GOLFMOUFDOG (Probably) and that J. Cole was executive producing it. Well, lookie here, we have Cole and Travis Scott, which probably propelled it a lot further to become his highest-charting song as the lead artist in both countries. I like all these artists to some capacity, but once again they all have to fit on the same beat, with entirely different flows, deliveries and approaches. This is going to be a bad idea and a complete trainwreck. This is Thugger’s third UK Top 40 hit, Cole’s seventh (sixth as a credited artist) and Travis’ seventh as well, and it’s surprisingly very refined and kind of restrained. The piano-based beat from T-Minus doesn’t catch up, pretty simply, and it works for Cole but not Thugger, while Travis Scott’s hook (He doesn’t have a verse) is actually pretty great. Cole’s verse is also pretty great, ripping a flow from Thugger and drowning himself in Auto-Tune in order to flub some multi-tracked rhymes with some funny lines like Cole posting pictures on a sonogram. Thugger makes this, though, and I see a lot of people saying he doesn’t fit, and of course, he doesn’t, he’s off-beat as hell, and he’s borderline screeching, where he takes about, paraphrasing here, your broad in a garage eating semen, with oddly emotional delivery. It’s hilarious when he takes a break from ogling at her thighs to say that he “sees the pain in shorty’s light brown eyes”. What? Also, there’s kind of a bridge which is not funny at all but it sounds hilarious, where he has a rapid flow, stops and then lets the beat be so empty for a while, before muttering a slight “Yeah”. He does this twice, and the second one gets me every time. Also, he’s reciting the fire escape procedure because of course he is, before ending his verse with a delightful “GRAH GRAH”. Man, this is the Thugger I want, the Thugger that doesn’t work on the beat at all, and doesn’t constrain himself. I want more screeching. Oh, and Cole, Travis, you’re alright, lads, I especially like their vocal riffing on the intro and outro, but come on, Thugger really steals the show.

#17 – “OT Bop” – NSG

Produced by 4PLAY

Remember these guys from “Options” with Tion Wayne? Yeah, this is their second UK Top 40 hit and I’m surprised it debuted so high but I really liked these guys last time with their melodic, synth-heavy take on faux-grime-dancehall that everyone else can’t make interesting if they tried. I figured NSG would come back with something much less unique and quite a bit generic... they’ve thrown me for a loop, because this is actually kind of weird. Instead of a cloudy synth pattern, we’ve got a really eerie, hypnotic vocal sample and an unconventional beat, with pitch-shifted repetitions of the chorus running through the left and right channels abruptly. There’s some fun ad-libs and sometimes the beat just skips, which is somewhat incompetent and really odd on first-listen, but it grew on me and is actually really fun afterwards. The charisma of each rapper is infectious, especially the dudes from about 30 seconds to 1 minute and 20 seconds, he’s really fun (No, I’m not memorising their names), and you can tell they’re laughing while recording. The signature blunt British delivery makes his first bars really memorable as well.

Meant to go to uni... sold drugs / Got a bag... oh f***

The random string accentuations added are really unnecessary and jarring, but they work and they continue to build up throughout the whole song, while the rappers get quieter the beat just continues to develop and become much more bouncy and exciting, with several buzzing synths that distort in a brief spoken word bridge. Not to mention it’s really catchy, and, yeah, I can see this growing on me.

#9 – “Cross Me” – Ed Sheeran featuring Chance the Rapper and PNB Rock

Produced by Fred Gibson – Peaked at #6 in Australia and #34 in the US

Uh... sure. Let’s get this done quickly because, no, I don’t care about a new Ed Sheeran album and the less I talk about him the less I feel the need to listen to it. This is the second single, and it samples an XXL freestyle from PNB Rock, taking his lyrics about his daughter out of context and re-appropriating it to be a macho posturing 90s R&B jam about how if you want to cross Ed’s girl, you have to cross him. PNB Rock said “She’s my seed”, though, Ed, you sick f—

It’s not like he can’t ride the gliding synths, bouncy beat and plunging 808s but it all seems really not thought out at all, and it really isn’t a PNB Rock sample if you just loop his sample. Chance the Rapper’s verse is... great. He doesn’t work as well as he could on this beat, but his charismatic verse about defending his girl with a blade because she’s the queen, while over-protective, works because everyone involved knows it’s really silly and hyperbolic, and the delivery shows that. The chorus is catchy enough so it’s fine. It sure is fine. I don’t want to hear it ever again.

Conclusion

Uhhhhh nothing here is amazing except “The London” so Young Thug, J. Cole and Travis get Best of the Week for that, while Honourable Mention probably goes to NSG for “OT Bop”. It’s a fun track. Otherwise, well, “Easier” is kind of awful so 5 Seconds of Summer get Dishonourable Mention because Jess Glynne and Jax Jones painfully ripping themselves off in “One Touch” is much more painful to listen to. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more musical ramblings and I’ll see you next week!

[inonibird]

Ok, I’m a babby-n00b fan (it’s been what, two weeks, three?), but I really frickin’ love the band The Dear Hunter and I want to gush about their music and I enjoy ranking things so...yeah, here’s me talking about my favorite songs from the Acts. (no major story spoilers)

Please feel free to completely ignore if you aren’t interested in my semi-coherent and less-than-sophisticated ramblings. X’D

First of all, if you aren’t familiar with these concept albums, the Acts (I-V as of 2016) tell the ongoing story about the life and death of a character known as “the Boy” or “the Dear Hunter”. Leitmotifs, repeated lyrics and reprises abound. Basically prog rock opera. *two thumbs up* I dig it, obviously. Picking a top 10 list is ROUGH, man, so I’m going to take a cue from the Nostalgia Critic and bump it up to 11. Even then, I have far too many honorable mentions. LOOK, ALL OF THIS MUSIC IS GREAT OK??? But these are my personal favorites:

11. “Life and Death” - “We stand here waaaaittiiiiinnnggg, waiting to diiiiiieeeee~” UUGGHH it gets me every time. Both the lyrics and the music itself capture something that is sweet, heartbreaking, depressing and yet hopeful all at once. The gentle piano reprise plays us out of one of my favorite Acts.

10. “Wait” - Probably the most…hmm, “popular-sounding” songs on my list. I tend to gravitate toward the theatrical numbers, and while this one plays out a bit more like a typical rock song, it’s really frickin’ good. REALLY good. I mean, it wouldn’t be on my list if I didn’t love it to bits. CHORD PROGRESSIONS.

9. “The Most Cursed of Hands / Who Am I” - This was not at all a song I was expecting to like, but LOOK AT IT NOW! All I had to do was keep listening, dammit. The slow build pays off around the middle, then it BOMBARDS you with bluesy awesomeness (as well as a fleeting, nifty callback to “Mustard Gas”; more on that one soon, haha) up through the groovy, slick “Who Am I”. Great combo.

8. “At the End of the Earth” - I usually measure my love of a song based off of how much I rock out to them in the car, and I’m less inclined to listen to slower tunes in that instance. That said, this one is just so poignant and builds up to a  excellent, powerful jam. And guess what? Chord progressions. :B

7. “Mustard Gas” - "HERE THEY ARE!” *BUM BUM BUH BUM BUM BUH* This one blasts it out of the park with its orchestrations (dat brass), and we’re definitely getting into the “sing at the top of your lungs in the car” territory at this part of the list. The middle section is a delightful, unexpected treat sandwiched between the bombast. So yeah. War sucks. Song rocks.

6. “King of Swords (Reversed)” - This song was SO UNEXPECTED. The first time I heard it, I was actually pissed off. I didn’t even make it past 10 seconds, just skipped to the next track. When I finally went back and forced myself to get through it…well, color me contrite. That CHORUS. And the last 30 or so seconds of the song proper (before the outro) gives off such an awesome Jesus Christ Superstar vibe. This jumped so high on my list SO FAST.

5. “A Beginning” - This song MURDERS me. As the finale for Act V, it obviously packs narrative punch, and there’s no way I can have listened to the entire story so far and NOT be super emotional about this ending. It’s gorgeous. It’s powerful. It’s heart-rending. It’s a goddamn frisson bomb. And I cry every time. No, you don’t understand. EVERY. TIME. I mean, I’ll be the first to admit that I cry easily (and I get extremely worked up about beautiful music), but damn this one hits me hard. All I have to do is THINK the words “Dear apparition” and WHOOPS there go my glottis and tear ducts. There’s also a cool parallel with Act IV’s closer, “Ouroboros”...but I think the melody works better here. ;)

4. “The Pimp and the Priest” - From the skeevy muted trumpet at the outset to the cringe-worthy concepts strung through the lyrics, this song ooooozes with mood-setting villainy. This is a fantastic introduction to the main antagonist (my favorite character, of course), and by far my favorite song from the first Act. That chorus STICKS, man. This one’s a gem. A gross gem. I love it. :’D

3. “The Poison Woman” - Hey, speaking of the Pimp/Priest, did you miss him in Act III? Well, I did, because I listened to all of this shit out of order. BUT YES, fortunately, the Poison Woman was here to fill the void. This is far and away my favorite chorus of any song. Casey’s voice sounds amazing up there in the stratosphere, and it’s just so much damn good, messed-up fun.

2. “The March” - Now, I understand this may not seem fair. This song is a mash-up of so many songs that came before it (many of which I haven’t even listed in my top 11; an exception being “Wait”, which took me an embarrassingly long time to realize)…but y’know what? I don’t care. This is such a fantastic integration of those themes and a perfect culmination of the Pimp/Priest’s character. Still pure villainy, of course, but twisted into something that feels almost righteous, given the spoilerific circumstances. I am head over heels for this one. The vocal arpeggios in the verses and just…the whole…mob scene vibe…so good…a triumph… *dead*

1. “The Bitter Suite IV and V: The Congregation and the Sermon in the Silt” - Who here is remotely surprised? This was my introductory song to The Dear Hunter and it will always be my favorite. I’ve loved villain songs all my life. I remember when I was a wee child, my friend and I were “playing the Little Mermaid” and I insisted that SHE be Ariel so I could be Ursula and sing “Poor Unfortunate Souls”. I mean, duh, right? Anyway, this song has everything that I love, not the least of which being an oom-pah baseline AND AN ACTUAL CONTRABASSOON HOLY SHIT SO GOOD. Theatricality, lyrics that verge on the edge of patter, incredible orchestrations, more of that delicious Vaudevillian vibe, the subject matter, the sleaze OH GOD THE SLEAZE, that frickin’ build-up/transition from The Congregation TO the Sermon in the Silt, “HEY HEY KID HEY KID GET A GOD”—I—just… *rolls around in the beautiful filth forever*

Honorable Mentions:

“The Writing on a Wall” / “Rebirth” / “Regress” - I couldn’t pick one. All three of these set the mood so well for their respective albums. Excuse me while I go harmonize with each of them right now.

“Moon / Awake” - It’s NOT FAIR that this song has so much crossover with “A Beginning”. But “A Beginning” is more significant to me emotionally, and I decided it would be a bit much to put this one in my top 11 list as well. Still, amazing bookends for the album. And I can listen to this without crying. Usually. :’D

“He Said He Had a Story” - This song is so wrong. So very, very wrong. I feel horrible for loving it as much as I do, but half the love is for how much it makes you HATE the character singing it. The other half is because it’s catchy as hell.

“Blood of the Rose” - Oh, look, an Act II song. I guess people really like Act II? Ehh. It doesn’t have the production values or symphonic lavishness that I adore in the final three Acts. Still, this mournful tango gives me chills.

“The Flame (Is Gone)” - An unconventional little tune, but those beguiling chord progressions, as well as the narrative significance...and when I realized what was happening in the song…no spoilers, but whoof.

“Blood” - IF ONLY FOR THE CLIMACTIC INTERWEAVING OF THE PIMP/PRIEST’S THEME. It’s so damn cathartic in the context.

“The Revival” - It didn’t seem right not to include this one in my favorites, being pretty damn villainous, but there is something about it that falls a tiny bit short for me. Maybe it just needs more oom-pahs? That said, the chorus is another winner.

“If All Goes Well” - I really, really wished I cared more for the first 2:25 of the song, because the rest is PURE GOLD. It’s beautiful. And there is more bassoon. Inoni approves.

Gosh, so much good music. And so many reprises that weave leitmotifs in and out of the narrative and really bring the story together as a fantastic, cohesive whole. So much love.

…Now do I have to rank the Acts? 8(

Nah. Nope. Can’t do it. III, IV & V are too close to call. Too good in different ways, too good for different moods. Just...all the love, yeah.

Anyway, guess it’s time to explore the rest of their music! So happy that there’s so much more to hear~ 83c

[bubbakanoosh]

your comments are the opposite of funny, stop adding them to posts asshole.

I will say I laughed my fucking ass off when I got this.. I just cannot understand the anger in your question.   I swear, I went thru my own blog to see if and what I “ruined” for you that made you so livid.  So my mom once told me when I was young… wait, this sounds like Simple Man.  What is the band that sings Simple Man? Fuck… I know this, and I am feeling stupid for not knowing it.   Anyways, I feel Simple Man is there best song, followed by Freebird, then Tuesdays Gone and yeah.  Sweet Home Alabama is an overrated tune.  There, I said it..  if I am going to get hate mail for anything, is because of that.   Sweet Home Alabama is a song that I think is overplayed and overrated.   And don’t get me started on the Kid Rock monstrosity he released… sweet merciful crap that sucked.   I killed Freebird on Guitar Hero.   Loved that game, loved Rock Band more.   My bands name in Rock Band was Unicorn of Justice.  Don’t ask how that came about, it just involved Magic: The Gathering.   Anyways, I sang lead in the band, or I sometimes played base.   But yeah, Sweet Home Alabama is a no no.   Okay, I am going to take a wee break here because I am writing this on the train.   I and now heading to my car and will finish when I get home.   In the mean time here the lyrics to Rump Shaker by Wreckx-N-Effect:

All I want to do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoomAnd a poom-poom, just shake ya rump

All I want to do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoomAnd a poom-poom, just shake ya rump

All I want to do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoomAnd a poom-poom, just shake ya rump

All I want to do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoomAnd a poom-poom, just shake ya rump

Check baby check baby one two three fourCheck baby check baby one two threeCheck baby check baby one twoCheck baby check baby one

It’s called the rump shaker, the beats is like sweeter than candyI’m feelin’ manly and your shaker’s comin’ in handySlide em across from new york down by your VirginiaTicklin’ you around Delaware before I enterTurn to seduction from face hips to feetA wiggle and a jiggle can make the night completeNow since you got the body of the year, come and get the awardHere’s a hint, it’s like a long sharp swordFlip tail, so let me see you shake it up like diceThe way you shake your rump is turnin’ mighty men to miceBut a plus got a surprise that’s a back breakerNow let me see you shake your rump like a rump shaker

All I want to do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoomAnd a poom-poom, just shake ya rump

All I want to do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoomAnd a poom-poom, just shake ya rump

All I want to do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoomAnd a poom-poom, just shake ya rump

All I want to do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoomAnd a poom-poom, just shake ya rump

Check baby check baby one two three fourCheck baby check baby one two threeCheck baby check baby one twoCheck baby check baby one

Yup yup it’s teddy, ready with the one-two checkerWreckx-n-effect is in effects but I’m the wreckerOf the track ‘bout the honey shakin’ rumps and they backs inBooties of the cuties steady shakin’ but relaxin’The action, is packed in a jam like a closetBeats bound to get you up, cold flowin ‘like a faucetNot mean to make you sit, not mean to make you jumpBut yep make the hotties in the party shake your rumpI like the way you comb your hair (uh!)I like the stylish clothes you wear (uh!)It’s just the little things you do (uh!)That makes me want to get with you (uh!)

All I want to do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoomAnd a poom-poom, just shake ya rump

All I want to do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoomAnd a poom-poom, just shake ya rump

All I want to do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoomAnd a poom-poom, just shake ya rump

All I want to do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoomAnd a poom-poom, just shake ya rump

Shake it, shake it, shake it now shake itShe can spend every birthday butt nakedBody is soft, makin’ me want to squish herMore just than a game, a rumper like a sub-wooferShake it to the left (shake it) shake it to the rightI don’t mind stickin’ it to her every single nightCome on, pass the poom poom, send it to poppaShake it baby shake it baby shake it don’t stoppaLet me see you do the booty hop (hop)And now make the booty stopNow drop and do the booty wop (ooh)The way you shakin’ your reals, will appealIs makin of a whole lot of billsBut I ain’t into trickin’, just to treatin’And I ain’t into treatin’ every trick that I’m meetin’(nah nah nah nah nah nah nah)Yeah, shake it baby, shake it now shake it like that

All I want to do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoomAnd a poom-poom, just shake ya rump

All I want to do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoomAnd a poom-poom, just shake ya rump

All I want to do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoomAnd a poom-poom, just shake ya rump

All I want to do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoomAnd a poom-poom, just shake ya rump

Okay, I am back.  I hope you have that song in your head because it has been in my head since I used it in a comment the other day.   Anyways, back to what I was trying to say about my mom… she once told me that you cannot like everyone, and everyone cannot like you.   And you know what? Those are the truest words you will ever read on tumblr.   I know there are people in this world that do not like me for whatever reason, and on the flip side there are people out there that Lynyrd Skynyrd!!  That’s the name, fuck… it was driving me crazy.  I knew if I didn’t get it I would lose sleep.  Fuck, thank god..  Anyways, tehre are people out there that I don’t like.   You clearly don’t like me because you think a) I am an asshole and b) the opposite of funny.   To be honest, I sometimes don’t think I funny either.   And i know there are poeple that follow me who don’t either, and they erase my comments and actually write better ones.   There is this one pic I posted with John Waters about sometimes cute and dumb is ok.  I wrote a comment on it that I hated, and others did too because it;s long gone.  I get constantly reminded about how bad the comment was because it always shows it when it gets liked or reblog. Fuuuck.  See, I can hate on my comments because they are mine.   And, all my comments are out in the open public so people can see.   I don’t think I am an asshole, I am just really really blunt and sarcastic.  My brutal honesty gets often confused with asshole-ism.   But like I said, at least I am speaking shit not heading under a cloak of invisibility.   I don’t even know what the fuck you got mad at? I don’t make comments on anything personal someone posted like a story, or selfie or whatever… I just comment on pictures.   And it;s not you in the fucking pic.  I don’t know if you a male or female, but maybe you are a male and my comment cockblocked you or something.    And you probably have a name like Sir-King-Hung-Alpha-Wolf-Lord followed by Tiger Emoji x 3.  Why the hell do you have a tiger emoji? Fuck you are making me hate imaginary you.   Anyways, it’s just a fucking picture on Tumblr.  TUMBLR!!!  This is a site that has theme days like Hang Out With Your Wang Out Wedsnesdays where guys submit pictures of there cocks while on a LA-Z-BOY lounger, or Puss’n Boots Tuesdays where chics show twat pics while only wearing a pair of Uggs, or Freaky Fridays where you submit pics showing that anything could be a dildo if you are brave enough.   It’s a fucking website of silliness, and my comment are being added to pictures that is not you.  If I am destroying your fantasy, I am sorry but ou need to step away from the site for a bit and just breath.   That being said, this site is silly but I met some pretty awesome people here that I can consider great friends.  I know my frienship will still last if I post a picture with a comment on it, and someone else reblogs it by adding there own comment.   I am not going to hate life and the world and the people who reblogged it.  You know why? Well, I am an adult.  What I say on pictures is not mocking the love between you and your one, I am mocking the photo because most likely the photo is fucking dumb,  And much like people, we are all allowed to like different things.   Poeple out there like feet and coffee, and I can call some of these people dear friends.  I don’t hate them, I question their judgement, but I don’t hate them.  So, next time you want to reach out and call someone an asshole, be brave and say it too my face (or un-anon’d) and maybe we can have an intelligent conversation about it.   I doubt that will happen, you will probably continue to bitch and whine and fuck, I dunno.  I think this is ending on a boring note… I am going to make dinner now, I think I am going to make grilled cheese.   I fucking love grilled cheese.  I bet you hate grilled cheese don’t you? I am shaking my head in disappointed right now.