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#the WORLD has been put on NOTICE
montanabohemian · 8 months
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this is probably the best overall explanation that i've seen. see point three for those that are particularly hung up on there not being the specific words "ceasefire" in the order.
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this is a historic moment. an important step. because it's the first step in what is gonna be a very long process that was difficult to even get to this point. cuz kids, this is the first time israel has been taken to task ever. and israel has the backing of the US, UK, canada, and EU. so your job now is to continue to make noise and demand that your governments and your representatives abide by international law and uphold their obligations to the geneva convention. they MUST act to prevent it. that is our job now.
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seasicksilver · 4 months
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so much chaeya on the tl, felt the urge to design fem!chaeya
#chaeya#genshin impact#genshin impact fanart#kaeya alberich#tartaglia#artists on tumblr#digital art#fan art#my art#i think genderbends are interesting on a narrative level#like how would a character present in their world if they were a different sex#fem kaeya post april 30th would present more masc as opposed to canon kaeya who lets admit it is very fem in his dressage#so i think fem kaeya would go the opposite way#it would be a complete piviot to what kaeya ragnvindr wouldve been#a shy girl in a noble family traditionally and socially would be expected to BE feminine#but as a calvry captain removed from the ragnvindr name would not#its a different type of peacocking i guess#fem ​childe honestly wouldnt be so different imo#since childe is a much more candid person#’im sort of a bad guy’ over here doesnt really have much to lie about with appearances (childe just avoids what he doesnt want to say)#but i think fem childe would have different relationships than canon childe#esp with her family#she would be seen as more of an anamoly to them#sweet little ajax is now a scary bloodthirsty woman#also shes not opposed to being in more fem clothing (tbh i was considering putting her in a skirt —#mainly bc childe would not care if she flashed ppl during battle LMFAO)#she probably has alt outfit that she would try n wear around family? to appease them and keep up appearances with teucer#also asymmetrical hair bc one side got chopped during a fight#never noticed how childes model has that side of his face covered with hair … and thats the side of beta childes eyepatch..#things to think about ig
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deoidesign · 4 months
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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bacchuschucklefuck · 3 months
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Can you expand on what you mean by Baron being "too cool" to really fit a horror monster? It's a very interesting concept and I'd love to hear your thoughts. Is it that they're too active/involved/tangible and it detracts from their scariness?
I feel like I should preface this with a wall of disclaimers lmao 1/I am a hardcore, down-to-the-marrow, avid, deeply sincere horror enthusiast, esp. horror creatures. this usually means my mileage is vastly different from the average populace's, and my scaredy bone has been disintegrated by longterm exposure. most things in a piece of horror media won't scare me! so I practically never use that on its own as the scale to talk abt horror experiences, but when something does scare me it's always a special occasion to be treasured. 2/canon d20 is never really meant to be horror horror, and for good reasons: it doesn't fit the company's output, it takes a kind of carelessness in production estimation that is always a huge risk, it's often vulnerable in a way that kinda goes against how TTRPGs usually facilitates vulnerability, and for most people it's just! stressful! d20, even with the "horror-themed" seasons, generally just plays with horror tropes and stays focused in its goal of being a comedy improv tabletop theater show. 3/fantasy high's chosen system is DnD, which as I've mentioned before is before all a combat-based game system, which means the magic circle of play is drawn based on stats that facilitate and prioritize combat. want or not this affects every interaction you have in the game, and given fantasy high's concept from the ground up (everyone's going to school of DnD stuff to get better at DnD) it's doubly relevant. 4/This Is Fine I have no quarrel with this. my meters are internal, I do not ask this show to be anything it doesn't advertise itself to be, and what it is is fucking great! I like it! when I expand on this ask's question it will be like a physicist going insane in a lab. that's the mindset we're going in with.
disclaimers done. my stance on horror as a genre is that it's a utility genre rather than a content genre or a demographic genre; it is the discard of narratives. it's the trash pile. horror, above being scary, is about being ugly and messy, it's the cracks on the ground any story inevitably steps over to stay a genre that isn't horror. the genre's been around long enough to develop a codex and a general language that medias and makers and enthusiasts of the genre can use to talk about and build onto, but if you go into individual pieces there's really no unifying Horror Story. one person's beautiful life can be another's horror story, it's just how it is.
this makes The Monster a deeply intriguing piece of the genre. thing is a monster is in a decent percentage of any story - it's just when the antagonist force steps into something past a certain line traced out in the story's world. monstrousness is in pretty much every western fantasy story, it's in any story with a hero and something to vanquish or win; more than anything it's a proxy of that thing up there. the line in a narrative's world. the monster is the guard of the unknown lands, where heroic, civilized people don't tread.
what does this mean in the context of horror? the genre is about that perceived lawlessness, that "unknown land" so to say. we're in the monster's home. that's the literary context that we often walk into a horror piece with; the monster knows more than you about where you are. it may not understand you, but it holds more information than you, and with that it moves swifter than you, has more covered than you, and is more assured in its existence in this context than you. it's a struggle to catch up to it, it's nigh impossible to get one over it, and you're never sure it'll 100% work, because you just don't have the information necessary to.
with that framing you can kinda see where I'm coming from here: horror's often about the breaking of rules. I always think a monster's most effective when it breaks well-established rules of both existence and visual storytelling. think Possum (2018) or Undertale's Omega Flowey or the Xenomorph Queen - unique change in medium, unique change in graphic, unique change in design language, etc. in that sense I actually really like how canon baron plays out: they don't really function like anything else in the fantasy high universe, the bad kids have not managed to kill them when they've felled literal gods, their domain in fhjy literally introduces new mechanics to encompass their existence! from an experience design standpoint they slap mad shit. BUT! I can't help finding their character, like as a character riz (and the other bad kids, eventually) interact with, to be very... coherent? in design. this is kinda hard for me to articulate in words, it's more often a sense you get once you've looked at enough of these scrumptious fuckers, their general design and the way they show up is just kinda too clean, so to say. always kinda newly made? fresh unboxed. it, once again, makes sense for their lore - they are looking for more about themself from riz - and their function - they're an antagonist in a game experience, they're meant to be interacted with in a way that produces results and meshes with the existing magic circle - but that shininess takes away from the implied history they should have dominion over and the person they're haunting doesn't.
from another angle there is kinda something there about how put-together canon baron is as a concept; the domain they call home is riz's deep-seeded fears, extremely vulnerable things he's drawn borders around to quarantine and refused to walk into. things that from his perspective would irreversibly shatter certain pleasant fictions his world is built on top of. canon baron, While Extremely Cool, I feel is kinda too neat to connect with and signify the apocalyticized mess that'd result from this paradigm shift. the part where they're in riz's briefcase and looking through every mirror is Very Cool And Fucked Up! but ultimately the show draws a line around them as well, by making game-physical, tangible spaces they're in (the mirrors and the haunted mordred manor) and put riz and the bad kids there only when they need to confront stuff. riz is meaningfully narratively away from baron's unknown land for most of fantasy high.
with that and all of my disclaimers in mind my conclusion here is if canon baron wants to be a Horror Monster they'd have to cross way more lines. be a Lot more invasive. hence (holds up my class swap baron like a long cat)
#ask#not art#tldr a lot of fantasy high's and d20's nature plays against having a Horror horror piece in it. there's no space for emptiness or dread#that's one of the most attractive things to me about horror. the monster signifying a new world you don't understand#you see something on the deserted streets and you realize: oh. the world doesn't work how I've been thinking it does#if u've noticed how much this has in common with queer experiences haha. yeag#man. actually I should also put the I Am Not White disclaimer in there too lmao a lot of the notion of The Monstrous is! traditionally#about maintaining and upkeeping a ''social order'' (read: the powers that be)#and a Lot of Wilderness Fiction is deeply and maliciously colonialist#so when I say ''the unknown land'' and ''the monster'' I am pretty much speaking From one of those unknown lands#and from the position of one of those monsters#the fear of the monstrous is so very often the fear of being consumed by - or becoming - the monstrous yourself#and well. when you're already there in the eye of the zeitgeist. You Can Do What You Want Forever#all that to say it Is important to me that baron is made of riz's lies. even more so in this funny class swap thing I make for fun#like as a horror protag he makes me insane. he loves lines! he loves lines he drew himself. he replicates these borders in himself#that mirror the world he lives in that's so hostile to him. that kid Loves rules. he bows to even the ones that hurt him#like. u get where I'm getting to right I did make a whole comic kinda near this subject he's Already The Other#baron is a monster's monster. baron is a mirror image. GODs I cant help but wish they were messier#it's kinda why I make class swap baron to be like. an ever nearing realization. like I warble abt all this but I genuinely do also find#canon baron to be just as visually coherent and thematically perfect as riz if not more. it's hard to beat how cool the mirror stuff is#it's hard to beat that doll face in iconic visuals! I have to strike according to my strength rather than trying to beat canon#so instead of reflection it's captured moments. instead of a blank face it's the lack of one. mmm. maybe I'm just kinda breaking things#for fun also but that's My prerogative in my house awooga <3#well. thats kinda my thoughts on the general subject. thank u for listening. I will bake something soon dyou want some
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chimerafeathers · 3 months
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there's an essay jumbled up in my brain about dunmeshi's beginning and how clever and deceptive it is as a sleight-of-hand trick that distracts the audience from the depth and scope of the worldbuilding and foreshadowing that's being set up the entire time by dangling zany characters and wacky dishes and biology fun facts in front of us, and how that serves to catch invested viewers off guard when those elements come to the forefront, but also how it works against it with other viewers wanting "more" and not seeing it because the plot bait isn't laid out up front
how people getting frustrated with the characters "not taking things seriously" is mirrored and refuted in the confrontation between Laios and Shuro. how the characters' attitudes aren't just a result of shallow low-stakes "comedy rules" where nothing matters, but are an extension of their personalities (Laios's nonstandard expression of emotions being offputting even to people he knows) and the world and social environment (adventurers being desensitized to death and injury because resurrection magic is commonplace). the way the party refers to "saving Falin" instead of "retrieving Falin's corpse," indicating that they still see her with full personhood, and how that phrasing leads to some readers/viewers believing that Falin is alive in the dragon's stomach, conscious of being slowly digested while the party carelessly fucks around "wasting time." how the weird tonal dissonance makes sense in-universe and yet is deliberately challenged more and more the deeper the party goes
all the character building and pieces of lore slowly weaving together the shape of the larger world, laying the groundwork for the major themes that will surface later. so much is right there in the "low-stakes" early episodes if you know what you're looking for (or pass the perception checks).
it can be so satisfying to see new viewers/readers pick up on the clues even in the earliest "simple" episodes, or notice new things and make connections yourself....and it can also be frustrating to see people dismiss oddities and dissonance as shallow or bad writing because they don't expect a "cooking anime" to have depth like that. why try to question and understand and peel back the layers when you don't expect there to be any layers?
why can't laios take things seriously for once?
#mypost#i'm majorly out of practice for doing any real critical cohesive writing lol#trying to put this into coherent words has been such a mess so here's a vague gesture at my thought process about it#it's both my favorite and the most frustrating thing to see#because i've seen SO MANY people say they dropped the show after a couple eps thinking they know what it's about and where it's going#a cute but ultimately unsustainable gimmick#people for whom the characters and the food/biology infodumping weren't enough of a hook#but i wouldn't change anything about the structure to put a more obvious plot hook in the beginning#because it would give the game away TOO much#i LOVE how the audience has to acclimate to the characters' attitudes about death#only for our assumption that it's all normal and fine in this world to be thrown back in our faces#how we're left to notice the winged lion appearing in statues and carvings and coins and armor in the background#long long before it's ever brought up as a real entity by the plot#the history of the kingdom laid out in plain view but nevermind that. magic painting food!#i've seen the language around falin and her resurrection cause so much confusion#but of COURSE the characters involved wouldn't directly say 'we need to get her corpse to revive it'#bc pragmatically they already understand that as their goal. it doesn't need to be stated out loud; it's just how this process works.#but also they don't SEE her as an object. a dead body.#they need to 'save her before she's digested.' 'the spell couldn't reach her in the dragon's stomach.' 'hang in there falin'#death isn't real to them. not really. and so it doesn't quite feel real to the audience either#not until they find her skull and that realization slams home#like......i keep comparing it to gravity falls#which is episodic and goofy in the beginning but also has a much more obvious plot hook to keep people interested#(a main character entering a secret bunker indicating that he's lying about his ignorance of the town's mysteries)#the main characters in gravity falls are AWARE that there is a mystery to be solved and are trying to find more information#but i don't think that approach would work as well for dm!#laios's goals were never that lofty. not until they HAD to be because the situation demanded it of him#it's the characters trying to solve one personal problem and finding themselves entrenched in something vast and dramatic#that they weren't even fully AWARE of when they set out. and we the audience are on that journey with them!#it's SUCH a good structure i wouldn't trade it for anything. but also. tragic to see people give up and dismiss it so fast.
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frenchy-and-the-sea · 19 days
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There is a very exquisite agony in playing a game you love so so so so so much, and realizing that one of the other players is trying to play a totally different game than you.
#hush frenchy#we went to the coffin shop today in vallaki#and our rogue triggered combat SIMPLY because he didn't want to leave the house without looting every single room#to clarify: WE HAD ACHIEVED OUR OBJECTIVE#we literally just needed to get out#but the rogue's player was like cmoooon its no fun to leave without looting everything we can get our hands on#now everything we're doing has gone to absolute shit#and to clarify: its going to be very interesting!!#and I feel like I would've been just fine with the result#IF it had been for any other reason besides that this one player seems to think that we're in a video game#like if there had been some kind of character motivation? or genuine concern that we were missing a piece of something we were looking for?#totally fine!! love that in fact!!#but just stealing shit because 'you're the rogue' feels... idk.#it just feels like it's a totally different game than the rest of us are playing#and now we ALL have to deal with the consequences#i just. urgh. i do not know what to do#i am gonna talk to the dm and see if she noticed the same thing as me#and try to brainstorm we the players can do to impart a sense of balance for people with different play styles#but i just feel like despite repeated efforts by the dm to be like hey this is a game for exploration and character engagement#the player is just ignoring that and doing Whatever He Feels Like#ANYWAY SORRY RANT OVER#I'm just really in love with this game and having one really thorny part is just HNG#positive note: the wizard whipped out alter self and thought he was the coolest guy in the whole world#despite repeatedly missing in combat#it was very cute and i wish Wyn wasn't absolutely certain that she was about to die#because she would absolutely stroke his ego about it simply to see him preen#the fighter was also very sweet and keeps working so hard to protect wyn#and since I'm a fighter in my other game i know where to put myself to make it easier for him so there's a lot of synergy#IT'S JUST VERY CUTE AND NICE AND GOOD. I LOVE THEM BOTH A LOT
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kogetaikid · 2 months
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TW: Enraged only child. (Thanks for making me have to type this out, world! /nbh)
Y’know what?!
FUCK SIBLINGS!!!!!
Please reblog if:
You’re an only child who wishes they had a sibling
You cry yourself to sleep because you’ll never have siblings
You’re an only child who’s glad they don’t have siblings
You’re an only child, but feel really neutral about it, and don’t care (in that case, I’m happy for you.)
Please reblog if:
You’re an only child living in a big house
You’re an only child living below poverty line
You’re an only child living in a middle class household
You’re an only child with divorced parents
You’re an only child with a happy family
You’re an only child with only one parent
You’re an only child who was adopted
Please reblog if:
You’re a teen and an only child
You’re and adult and an only child
You’re an only child with a lot of friends
You’re an only child with no friends
You’re an only child with one best friend
Please reblog if:
You were born an only child
You have a deceased sibling
If your parents had some sort of health complications that made them unable to have another child
YOU GUYS ARE EPIC AND JUST AS WORTHY OF LOVE, IF NOT, NEED IT A LITTLE MORE THAN YOU THINK!!!
NOT ALL OF US ARE SPOILED OR HAVE IT EASY!!! THERE ARE MANY ONLY CHILDREN OUT THERE THAT HAVE HAD SOME FUCKING SHITTY CHILDHOODS!!!!
THIS HAS BEEN A PSA
(PS: Probably just posting this out of a sleepless rage, but lately I’ve just been reminding myself how much I distract myself from my problems and how others distract me, but at the end of the day, it’s never gonna stop me from hating myself for being conceived, so the least I can to is try to find people like me.)
(PSS: Anything I missed? Let me know!)
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mariatesstruther · 3 months
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thinking abt the maria’s outbreak night. having many thoughts
#imagine her and her dad and kevin and his daddy were all together#maria and jack are fighting and maybe separating at this point#her dad is visiting them because its his birthday tomorrow#yes its rhe same birthday as you know who#her and jack end up going upstairs to argue when she gets home because hes been home alone with kevin and her dad all day by himSELF#when this was supposed to be a FAMILY day maria#and you leave me here with your fucking dad who hates me#he doesnt hate you#he hates me and you know it! and you leave me here with kevin who you NEVER see#dont. thats not fair#of COURSE its fair. look at today! where were you today?#maria was at work#because of course she was at work#shes always working because she has to be to financially prepare for raising a son#(and raising a son through a divorce. because she needs to get a fucking divorce.)#also there was a work emergency#(theres always a work emergency)#so she had to be gone most of the day and then in her way back the roads were CHAOS#she barely got home alive#i barely got home alive jack!#you ALWAYS barely get home#anyway they fight and then the world blows up and at some point they disagree on what to do#maria has a basement with enough food to last about three days for three people and an emergency go bag full of baby food#because of course she does#so at some point they have to decide between staying holed up there and waiting shit out#or going out and meeting with the soldiers who are going around blaring an evacuation notice#hank her dad is like Nope Do Not Trust the Government#and maria is like True#jack disagrees#he goes off on maria when she tells him they have to put it up to a vote
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earmo-imni · 1 year
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Current mood: crying over how much I adore Childe
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fluffypotatey · 11 months
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any tips and tricks for getting into the writing zone?
ok so i have 2 methods and they depend on what i'm writing on: story writing and essay writing (waring: this is a mini-ramble)
with essay writing,
get mad, get super fucking mad, write that shit with spite flowing in your veins. even when i'm writing essays and stories i enjoy, i drag my feet.
i whine and complain like a toddler in my head because despite this topic being one i enjoy, putting my excited tones and rambling into coherent words always tends to feel like i'm butchering that (which is why academic papers should simply let me swear in them and use the 1st pov bc it is sO easy and my thoughts flow a lot better but noooOOOOoooooOOOOOooooo, i have to be formal and proper and-)
also, outlining. fucking godsend with essays. it's why a lot of my longer essays have headings bc i use them to outline and keep my thought on one line of thought bc i have a rambling issue (which is then easily solved with parentheses, my beloved)
with story writing (notice how this is basically a heading? good job! you've found my mini outline for this reply! have a cookie 🍪)
i find that jotting down that scene that is nagging at your brain immediately is super helpful. and do it even if you're now writing out of order. pro-tip: writing out of order is THE best, endorphins be going crazy bc you're actually not fighting with your brain with the story but writing alongside your brain-map.
personally, i find it very difficult outlining a story (how contrary) because sometimes my mind changes ideas or switches the order of scenes, and it is exhausting trying to keep up with all of that in your outline. but i guess, my "outline" with stories is simply me jotting down a very quick summary of the plot that invaded my mind in one document, never touching it again, but staying true to it because i wrote it down. therefore, it exists no longer in the recesses of mind but it a physical statement/promise to complete.
also (this advice goes for both story and essays) it is ok to take a break, step back, and not look at your writing for some hours, days, weeks, months, years--fucking whenever.
my midterm essay? a fucking nightmare. loved the topic, would write something similar about it for fun, but the reason it took me so long to complete (and why i dragged my feet) was because of the "short" timeline i had to complete it. i felt like i was on a time crunch and that led to me procrastinating, stressing over it, and taking my grand old time researching for it. however, when i was able to work on it? i allowed myself to simply do as much as i could. if i was unable to look at that stupid document, i didn't look at it. if my mind had a really good thought or example for the topic rotating in my head? immediate sit down and get that thought onto the paper. it must exist.
i have fics sitting in my folders that have been unfinished in so long, but i still consider them as wips because (and here’s another subpart-advice) i tend to work on them when i am unable to touch my current work. to be frank, working on something else helps keep you in the writing zone even if you cannot stand to look at the blank/unfinished work you wanted to complete originally. when i was incapable of writing for the Monkie Destiny Challenge, i switched to working on writing and editing my teen wolf fic (a fic i had not looked at since July) because while i still had that itch to write, something was blocking me from completing the prompts. and when i switched fics, getting into the zone was a lot easier.
so, to recap:
when jumpstarting the writing zone for writing an essay, you get passionate (can be read as mad/spiteful), and outline your thought process of the essay with headings to keep the writing flow flowing (the headings do not need to stay in the final product but they are good to have in the draft) .
when jumpstarting story writing, write! that! shit! down!!!! chronological order doesn't mean shit when you're in the planning/writing phase. your readers don't have to know that you wrote/planned a character's death before writing/planning out the beginning. they just read it in the order you publish it in!
to keep the writing zone stable and in working condition, TAKE THOSE BREAKS BOO! who cares about your personal deadlines???? if you feel exhausted before opening up a doc, then take that break, babygirl. again, your reader(s) will not need to know (nor do they need to know) how long it took you to get your writing piece done. hell, if you still feel the itch to write but the thing you wanna do is not working, then work on something else you haven't touched in a while because that itch WILL get its scratch somewhere, so help me god.
so yeah, i hope this was helpful, anon (and coherent jfc there better not be a plethora of typos T^T). happy writing, and may your weekend be a healthy dose of eventful!
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meirimerens · 1 year
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please disregard this if it’s too personal but i was wondering how you knew being butch was right for you?
signed, a 21 yr old going through a life crisis x
i don't think being (a) butch is something that one registers as being "right for you" in the same way you'd find a painkiller that works, in the same way you'd get "ask your doctor if [...] is right for you" ads on american television. every butch will have a different story as to how they got to coming into their own, to self-actualizing and finding solace/comfort/recognition in the word butch. every butch will put something else to the name, but we all have similarities, and it's in these similarities that i "self-recognized through the other(s)" in many ways.
i, personally, have a history of being really uncomfortable in typically feminine clothing. (this is not a butch thing. feminine clothing is manufactured to be uncomfortable. however, for me, it is part of a pattern.) i, personally, remember competing with boys at a young age, consciously to prove myself as, if not more worthy than; subconsciously for girls' attentions. i, personally, have a history of trying to be feminine in order to compensate a feeling of deep wrongness and feeling, consistently, genuinely monstrous doing so, which only stopped when i dropped that shit completely. i found i related to other butches' ~gender troubles~. i found i related to other butches' relationship to their own selves, bodies, and ways to navigate relationships. many butches are not particularly into femme girls, but butch/femme is an important part of butch history, and this part deeply resonated with me. butches' writings about their butch lovers, butch friends, and butch selves resonated with me. femmes' writings about their butch lovers and butch friends resonated with me. many butches do not have a particularly deep or long history or present of dysphoria, or of feeling of straddling the line of womanhood and (trans)masculinity, but equally as many do, and this resonated with me. butchness put a word on that feeling of cusp, of brink or boundary, which made sense to me, but might not make sense to others.
mostly i stopped staring in my own face trying to decipher its meaning and stared into others' instead and found my own here, and these others were butches. it's a word that makes sense to me. we do not have it in my mother tongue, we have other things, but lesbians Like That have existed across times and cultures, and when i use english, write english, speak english, in the way i'm going with you now, i'll use that word, because it exists, and it fits me in this tongue.
my last piece of advice is like. there are plenty of other things to be than butch. there are also plenty of things to be that are real close to butch but are not it. the butch-femme scale is not a thing. the vast majority of lesbians are neither butch nor femme.
in my personal experience, the more you obsess about your identity and the more you try to look into all the folds & wrinkles of your navel in order to find your reflection, the less authentically you live, and the less likely you are to find an answer. i know it's easy to say "just don't have an identify crisis ^.^ just vibe!" but like. you Are gonna have to vibe. you're gonna have to let the waves batter you for a bit and carry you upon rocks and shores. the more you struggle against the sea the less it'll relent, and it's stronger than you. go out in the world and see how it embraces you and how you feel like embracing it back. the answers will come in due time.
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junonreactor · 1 year
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oh my fucking god
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poppyseed799 · 11 months
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Brother why are there so many roaches we have had TWO full exterminations and BOTH TIMES the roaches came back. The first time there were less of them for a week (still some) but the second time there was absolutely zero difference in the number of roaches even immediately after the extermination. Like man. What am I supposed to do about this
#they’re in all the appliances dawg how am I supposed to cook 😭#and my sister is just like ‘just move out!!!’ brother WHERE#she is actually moving out on the shortest notice imaginable cuz she can’t deal with the roaches#going to our ex step fathers house cuz she already planned to move in there with her partner#but now she’s going there early cuz of the roaches#and like okay sure but WE can’t move in there. and yet she’s like ‘find a new place!’ brother we renewed the lease#and also do you know how the world works nowadays you can’t move anywhere it’s always more expensive 😭#we’re like frogs in boiling water#I jumped ahead with that metaphor but I’m too lazy to backtrack to explain how I got there#anyways yknow the roach guys said the infestation was REALLY bad and they wanted to do a follow up#but idk when that follow up is cuz it’s been a month since the extermination and there has been 0 difference. as soon as we came back to the#apartment there were still roaches on the walls#like man what am I supposed to do they’re everywhere and it would be so hard to move out 😭#vent#<- figure I’ll add that cuz like. that’s what this is. my life is just not great rn. constantly hungry too cuz we struggle with groceries#and I’m too scared to make myself some food cuz of the obscene amount of roaches. there was a roach in the dinner last night. then my mom#invited us to dinner at her place and refused to get us dinner.#said she wanted to hang out and didn’t talk to me so wtf#it’s just not going well. I posted happily about how I got those gifts but honestly I can’t even enjoy them because there’s too many roaches#like I don’t know where to put things so that roaches don’t get them. there’s no safe space.
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livvyofthelake · 1 year
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also i pressed flowers from my aunt’s house in a book i borrowed from her there almost a month ago and i haven’t even had time to check them yet let alone move them. so either i do that next weekend or she’s not getting that book back the next time i see her in 2 weeks. 😐
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bat-bestie · 2 years
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god everything sucks so bad right now
#big BIG vent in the tags heed the warning#cw pet loss#i don't even know where to start actually#im just a mess right now and i haven't even been able to say or type or think too hard about. the most important thing#god this sucks#my cat bunny. the one who's really nervous around everyone but trusts me. my girl#she hasn't been acting quite right lately so my mom took her to the vet and they say she has spinal cancer#and there's nothing we can do#and it's progressing really fast#she was fine just a few days before i left for college this semester#i haven't seen her in a month. month and a half#and now im going home for the weekend as an emergency visit and it's the last time i'll get to be with her.#this week has been fucking horrible it's midterms and i haven't been able to focus or study or think#im almost grateful ive been so busy with assignments because everytime i don't have anything i Have to do i breakdown#i had to ask one of my professors for an extension because im a wreck right now and he seemed like he almost didn't believe me too#he was like 'wellllll if it's an emergencyyy 😒'#sir i put my shirt on backwards and didn't notice literally all day i cannot write a fucking midterm essay like this#and i can't really talk about any of this either bc im always aware that if i kill the vibe too much people won't want to hang out with me#and just to make things a little bit worse i keep seeing people adopting cats or posting that theirs just had kittens everywhere#im just so upset. bunny is the most important thing in the world to me#in my worst moments when ive needed something to get me through it the fact that i can't leave her alone has been at the top of the list#i don't know how im gonna be able to be home without her#i fucking hate this#sorry for doomer posting go do something uplifting#delete later
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violet-jessop · 9 days
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i think that after spending $11,691 on my teeth in the last 18 months, if one of my front teeth falls out then killing myself can't be considered drastic or unreasonable action
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