#the Heart Acoustic SUCKS

[dr-haroldpcoomer]

CCCC Vol. 1 but The Mind is the best character. [Nothing has changed.]

[cosmiicblink]

jashtober day 2, pit :]

[hwaslayer]

home (khj) | one shot.

—summary: when your home no longer feels like home.

—pairing: kim hongjoong x f!reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) established relationship au | fluff, smut, heavy angst

—word count: 24k

—content/warnings: *open-ended, sad ending* cussing/mature language, very platonic cuddling and biting btwn oc and bff lol, alcohol consumption, marijuana use, intoxication, house party scenes, club scenes, making out, protected/unprotected sex, hongjoong’s pull out game on 100, marking/hickeys, thumb sucking, slight choking, breast play, clit play, fingering, oral (f. receiving), multiple orgasms, praising, car sex, *toxic relationship themes (hints of infidelity, gaslighting/manipulation, jealousy, anxiety, bad temper, multiple heartbreaks, crying, yelling/loud arguing, friends getting involved during fights) - please proceed with caution*

—on rotation: change - arin ray & kehlani ・burn - usher ・snooze (acoustic vers) - sza & justin bieber ・ i wish i hated you - ariana grande

Home.

When you think of the word home, plenty of things come to mind: your family, fun times in the backyard with the grill going, home-cooked meals, the smell of the fresh tree and peppermint during Christmas time;

Hongjoong.

It’s been a little over 2 years since Hongjoong has made a home in your heart and continues to— him being your other half and knowing you like the back of his hand. Things started off so beautifully, blossoming into the greatest love you’ve ever known. You remember the day you met him like it was yesterday, remembering every single detail down to the weather, where you were at, how you were feeling at that exact moment;

The excitement, the infatuation, the thrill, the chase.

As beautifully as those moments blossomed, there were other moments that came crashing down, too.

So when you think of the word home, plenty of other things come to mind: loud arguments and hurtful words, doors being slammed, glass hitting the wall, crying till the point your chest hurts;

Hongjoong.

—LATE JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE

“Dude!” Wooyoung runs over to your circle of friends, pushing through the crowd that’s currently in Changbin’s living room. “Cops are outside, we gotta go!”

“What do you mean we gotta go, Woo? We took a fucking uber—”

“Shut it down! Now!” You hear the cops at Changbin’s door, urging for the party to be shut down immediately due to multiple complaints from neighbors for being too loud and disturbing the peace. Quite frankly, it was past 1am and Changbin still had his dj playing music. On top of that, people were outside constantly yelling during rounds of beer pong and being a mess, even down on the sidewalk.

You couldn’t say you were surprised.

However, you are surprised with how fast Wooyoung is booking it. You don’t even know where your other friends are at, or where he’s even going. 

“Jung Wooyoung, what the fuck! Where are we going?” You continue to run past him, barely able to catch up especially while drunk.

“This way!” He cuts through the backyard, down the alley and towards a random car you truly don’t recognize.

“Whose car is that?! Wooyoung!” You call for him, but he hops in anyway, dragging you along with him. Everything happens way too fast, you don’t even realize you’re smushed in the backseat of a mini SUV, sitting on someone’s lap. Everyone in the car is loud, the music is loud, the driver is no other than Jeong Yunho—

“Yunho?” You furrow your brows as you peek over the passenger’s seat, quickly glancing down at the unfamiliar individual sitting there. “When did you drive to the party?! Whose car is this?!” You look over to see another unfamiliar individual plopped in the left seat, with Wooyoung in the middle— your friend Ara on said unfamiliar’s lap.

“I told you at lunch that I was driving and asked if you two needed a ride. It’s my cousin’s.” He laughs. “He’s out of town and left the car with us. Told me I could use it if I wanted to. Just make sure no one fucking yacks or else I’m tossing you out. No question.”

“You did not!” You reply to the part where he claims he told you. He probably did, but you can’t remember for the life of you.

“Sure did. You were too busy arguing or whatever with Bin.” Hm, sounds about right, you think. Yunho looks at the rearview mirror to meet your eyes before shifting back to the road. “By the way, this is Mingi. That’s San. And dude you're sitting on is—.” 

“Hongjoong.” You look behind you and see Hongjoong giving you a small smile just as he says his name. His hands are awkwardly at his sides, rosy tint coloring the surface of his cheeks as he tries to keep still as much as possible.

“I’m.. so sorry about all of this.” You tell him as you hang onto the headrest in front of you, apologizing to Mingi when your fingers accidentally tug on a hair strand.

“All good.” Hongjoong chuckles, a little unsure of what to do with himself. He’s only met you about a couple of minutes ago, and you’re already on his lap. How sway?

“I saw Yunho while I was trying to find an easy way out and he called for me to follow him, so..” Wooyoung says, but your eyes quickly divert to one of your friends who had been gone the entire night.

“Ara, where have you even been all night?” You tap her arm. 

“Around.” She giggles, enjoying herself on San’s lap. They continue to talk amongst each other, and it’s clear where she’s been all night. Welp, as long as she’s happy, and as long as you all are out of trouble’s way.

“Shit, sorry.” Yunho says, abruptly braking. 

“Jesus fucking christ, Jeong Yunho.” You put your hand out to stop yourself from crashing into the headrest, another pair of arms suddenly wrapping around your waist to keep you steady. 

“Woah there. You good?” Hongjoong still has his arms wrapped around your waist, and you can’t help but shyly nod. You are too drunk for this.

“I wasn’t gonna make it! Sorry!” He points at the yellow light.

“You would’ve made it.” Mingi laughs.

“What would you know, you’re high as shit.” Yunho sighs. “Never being DD again with my cousin’s car. For real. I got somebody high in the front seat and 5 people in the back seat.” He looks around while he patiently waits for the light to turn. “Good thing it’s kinda dead out here.” Yunho quickly turns. “Anywhere we can hang out for a bit?”

“You can go to mine, my roommate is gone for the weekend.”

“You sure?” You nod.

“Yeah. Thanks for driving and letting us squish in here.” You give Yunho a small smile. “We can order some food when we get to my place.”

“Sick.” Yunho presses on the gas, driving at a safe speed down to your apartment. You learn that San, Mingi and Hongjoong go to the neighboring university, but they’ve known Yunho since middle school. For a minute, you forget you’re sitting on Hongjoong’s lap with how comfortable you’ve gotten, conversing with your friends as Yunho continues to drive to the apartment. And Hongjoong doesn’t mind either; hell, he’s forgotten about the entire situation, his hands resting on your thighs. If anything, he’s determined it could help in case Yunho decides to do a hard-brake again. You don’t seem to be uncomfortable and that’s all that matters.

So, all is well and Yunho brings everyone to the apartment in one piece. You immediately hop off of Hongjoong’s lap and quickly thank him for tonight before taking the lead with Wooyoung to your apartment door. Everyone else trails behind at their own speed, with Hongjoong digging his hands into his pockets while he observes you and Wooyoung loudly laughing at your door. You’ve got your arm linked with his as you both crack jokes and playfully bicker. At one point, Wooyoung bites your shoulder, causing you to yelp in pain and push him off. It’s an interesting relationship, he thinks. He’s never seen people be so close and comfortable, but he supposes it’s nice that you two are able to be that way.

“Get comfortable!” You say as everyone finally makes their way inside, kicking their shoes off to the side. “Water is in the fridge, along with other drinks. Feel free to grab anything.”

“Should we order some pizza and chicken?” Yunho is already scrolling through his phone. “That sounds bomb right now.”

“Yeah, that does. Order it and let us know how much we should chip in.” Wooyoung plops onto the floor, grabbing your remote off of the coffee table. “Dude, it’s still pretty early.”

“This is early to you?” 

“The night is very much still young, my dear.” He says, pinching your cheeks. You smack his hand away before yawning into your own hands, excusing yourself to the bathroom to change and get comfy while everyone gets situated around the living room. Wooyoung throws on a random scary movie for some source of entertainment, some source of background noise. You quickly wash up and change into a matching hoodie and sweats set, startling yourself when you damn near run into Hongjoong lingering in your hallway. “Oh shit, you scared me.”

“Sorry.” He chuckles. “I don’t mean to seem like a creep, but I was just looking for your bathroom.. but.. I see you just came out of it, so..” He scratches at his temple and you giggle.

“I’m all done.” Hongjoong nods and brushes past, hurriedly making his way to the toilet to break the seal. Once he’s felt relief, he takes a minute to wash his hands and splash a bit of cold water to his face. He’s still feeling the alcohol, bits of the edible, too. But, he’s definitely not as crossed as earlier in the night. Just as he’s patting his face dry, he takes note of all your skincare laying around; that cute pink headband with a huge strawberry on it, various face sheet masks arranged neatly, random rings and other trinkets spread across the open space. Otherwise, both you and your roommate seem to be really organized and neat.

“Oh, uh, thanks.” He says when he catches you in your room. “For letting me borrow the bathroom.” You chuckle, Hongjoong’s eyes roaming around as he peeks in.

“You can come in, you know? My room isn’t entirely off limits.”

“I don’t want to intrude.” He gives you a small smile. “You do have a cozy room, though.”

“Thanks. I try.” You let out a tiny giggle, tossing your clothes into the hamper as he steps inside and slowly eyes the prints and photos organized beautifully along the off-white wall. 

“These are nice. Do you order them from somewhere in particular?”

“No. I just look online and buy whatever looks good.” You stand next to him.

“But.. these photos. Did you take them?” He points at the scenic photos you took of and around Hanauma Bay during a family trip to Oahu years ago.

“Yeah.” You tilt your head to the side. “Wow, I miss Oahu. I think it’s time to tell my family we need to do something and go back.” He chuckles.

“They’re beautiful.” You look at him and give him a tiny smile. “Everything about them. The angles. Crisp edges.” He says softly, mainly to himself, but it’s still loud enough for you to hear.

“Thanks. Are you into photography or something?”

“Yeah, I guess so. I try to take my own pictures, too. Just like holding onto memories that way.”

“I agree.” He smiles at you before glancing at the rest of your room. Everything about your room is also neat, organized and incredibly in sync— if that makes sense. Everything follows a certain theme, a certain color tone. Whites, creams, soft pastels. His eyes just gloss over the room in such a smooth way, he’s positive you love being in here.

��Do you spend a lot of time in your room?”

“How can you tell?”

“The way you decorated it. You put a lot of thought into it. It’s really nice. I meant it when I said it looked cozy.”

“You’re just throwing compliments left and right. What did I do to deserve it?” You laugh, and it Hongjoong finds his smile growing bigger.

“I’m just being honest.”

“Well, thank you, Hongjoong. I appreciate it.”

“Are you two hooking up or something? The food is here!” Yunho is heard at the end of the hallway, careful to not walk into something he doesn’t wanna walk into.

“Yunho, why the fuck would I hook up with someone with the door wide open?” You ask as you lead the way out of the room, Hongjoong following behind and shutting your room door close.

“I don’t know, you’re drunk.”

“I’m pretty sober now after everything that’s happened.” Wooyoung is at the coffee table, already spreading out the pizza boxes next to the bucket of chicken.

“So, you weren’t making out in there?” You smack Wooyoung upside the head before plopping down next to him. Hongjoong lets out a small laugh, taking a seat at the end of the coffee table while Mingi does the same on the opposite end. Ara and San are still flirting a storm on your couch, while Yunho takes a seat on Wooyoung’s free side.

“Do you want me to be?”

“I’m sure Hongjoong would be down, you were already pressed up on his lap earlier.” He whispers right into your ear.

“Oh my god. What’s wrong with you?” You pinch him on the thigh, making him yelp in response.

“I’m just saying you deserve all the fun, baby. Jesus. Just go for it next time.” He continues to tease. “Anyway, here. Let’s eat up.”

“What’s playing on the TV right now?” Yunho asks, already gobbling down a slice.

“Who fucking knows, but it’s kinda funny.” Wooyoung laughs at the screen. For the rest of the night, everyone is eating to their heart’s content and actually watching whatever movie happens to be playing on the TV. You stand for a moment to grab some water from the kitchen, unaware that Hongjoong had followed you over to grab another bottle of his own.

“Mind if I grab one, too?”

“Here.” You hand him the bottle, cocking a brow up when Hongjoong hasn’t stopped staring at you.

“Um.” He chuckles and points to your cheek. “May I? You.. there’s sauce.” You giggle.

“Oh shit, wow. That’s embarrassing.” He wets a paper towel before gently dabbing at your cheek, eyes focused on getting the sauce off of your skin. His face is merely inches away, hand gently holding your chin up towards the light. 

“There.” He says softly. Except, Hongjoong doesn’t release his grip from your chin right away, eyes now glazing over your features. You’re really, really pretty, and something about you is enticing to him; even if you two have barely known each other for the night, you are enticing and he is curious about you.

“Thank you, Hongjoong.” You say ever so sweetly and it confirms the thoughts swirling in his head— intoxicated or not.

“You’re welcome.” His thumb grazes over your cheek for one last quality control check before he steps back. “Wanna catch the rest of the movie?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Truth be told, Hongjoong isn’t even sure how the whole night unfolded this way. He wasn’t even planning on going out, but leave it to Mingi, San and Yunho to convince him until the very end. He had noticed you ever since the party, eyes glancing around the living room over the edge of his cup while he people-watched, took in his surroundings. What caught his eye the most was how bubbly and energetic you were around everyone, always being the life of the party and genuinely enjoying yourself. You’d loudly laugh and joke, smile from ear to ear while dancing around with a bag of chips in your hand. You didn’t have to do much to be that way, and Hongjoong could tell you were only being yourself. He liked that. He liked seeing you happy, he liked seeing you be you.

So colorful, vibrant.

But, truthfully, he was afraid to make a move. Mainly afraid, but he also knows what kinda wreck he’s been lately. Just lots of shit, lots of baggage— he’s not sure what he’s really ready for or if he’s ready for anything. The thoughts alone are enough to keep him still in his place, pushing certain desires and wants to the back of his mind to try and focus on fixing his shit first.

He can be selfish sometimes, though. It is beautifully dangerous for Hongjoong. Beautiful because it works, dangerous because it works.

So at the end of the night, after Hongjoong watches you giggle away to the stupid movie on the TV, after watching you happily gobble away at the pizza and chicken, after your hands grazed over his a few times; he is going to be selfish.

That would change the trajectory of everything for him, for you.

Ever since that night, Hongjoong and his friends would invite you and your friends to hang out at their apartments and vice versa— engaging in casual drinking over board games and more movies. Every hangout led to you and Hongjoong getting closer and closer, teetering into new territory quicker than you both imagined.

“Hey.” Hongjoong says, stepping out onto his balcony where he finds you getting some fresh air. “What’s a pretty girl like you doing out here?” He jokingly teases, making you roll your eyes even though you feel the heat rising to your cheeks.

“Ew, don’t ever.” He laughs, swinging an arm around your shoulders.

“Why are you smiling like that then?”

“Not because of you.” You tease.

“I don’t see anyone else out here.” He looks down at you. “Seriously, what’s up? You okay?”

“Just wanted to get some air.”

“Wanna go for a walk with me, or do you wanna stay here?”

“Can we stay here? I was looking up at the stars.” You look up. “They’re so bright tonight, Joong. I feel like I haven’t seen them like this in forever.”

“Hm.” He hums, eyes glued onto your side profile. You’re not even doing anything in particular, but this moment right here makes Hongjoong want to pull you close. 

Kiss you. 

Hold your hand.

“Are you looking?” You look at him with a brow cocked up and he laughs.

“Honestly, nah. I’m sorry, baby girl. I’m just..” He pauses, brushing the hair away from your face. “Let me take you out on a date.”

“You— wait, what?”

“Let me take you out on a date.” He chuckles, pressing his lips against the side of your head. “Please?” Hongjoong had been a bit more affectionate with you as time went on, and you welcomed it because whatever he was feeling, you surely were feeling too. Unspoken feelings and little acts of affection kept you going, and you thrived on it, if you were being honest. You loved the cute ‘lil pinches on your side, the ‘lil moments where he’d grab your hand and let it linger for awhile, the ‘lil moments you’d catch him staring at you from across the room, the ‘lil texts that showed you were on his mind in one way or another. It was the subtle chase, and you loved it.

“A date, hm?”

“I’m serious.” He clicks his teeth in defeat, making you giggle.

“Alright, yeah. Take me out on a date, Hongjoong.” He smiles.

“Yeah? It’ll be fun.”

“Where are you planning on taking me?”

“Why would I tell you that, pretty?” He boops the tip of your nose. “I promise. I got you.” 

And to that end, he did. He fulfilled his promise, and he did have you. He took you to a basketball game, one that you had been dying to catch for months, but never had the time to do so. He picked you up that morning and drove to the arena 45 minutes away from campus. It wasn’t like any other date you’ve been on, no. But, it was a date you enjoyed because you had fun and you were comfortable enough to be yourself around him already. You screamed together, you yelled at the refs together, you cheered on the team together. During the game, he’d hold your hand or throw an arm over your shoulder before giving you a quick peck on the cheek or temple. You don’t know what it is, but you trusted him. A lot. Quickly, too. 

After the game, he took you out for dinner at a casual restaurant nearby, asking you to order whatever you wanted and that he’d cover everything, as long as you were happy. The two of you talked about everything and anything about life, and you felt like Hongjoong understood you just as you did with him. You knew a bit about his family after all the kick-its and hangouts your friends had. You knew he had an older brother he looked up to and adored, you knew he loved his parents more than anything. You knew he loved his senior dog named Momo, and you knew he cherished his childhood home, his friends— near and far. He knew you also had a good relationship with your family, and he knew the little things about you that made you.. you. It was an equal situation of give and take; not one taking more or less than the other.

Sooner or later, more dates occurred, the affection and PDA progressed to the point that everyone automatically paired you two together. Wherever he was, they’d figured they’d find you there and vice versa. It wasn’t until the date at the baseball game a month later when he made things official with you. Hongjoong knew all the right things to do, all the right things to say. It almost felt unreal that you had him by your side— a stranger whose lap you sat on just to get away from the cops, a stranger you knew nothing about and had no intentions of getting close to.

That stranger became everything to you in such a short amount of time, but you didn’t want it any other way. It felt good being with Hongjoong, and it felt like pure bliss being with him. You were certain you had finally reached cloud nine, and you didn’t think you’d ever come down from it.

“Hello?” You pick up the phone just as you begin to walk to the parking lot after your last class; books tucked against your chest, bag strap slung on your shoulder.

“Hey baby, did you just get out of class?”

“Mhm. Finally! I’m so tired today.”

“Aw, I’m sorry. You don’t have anything else going on tonight, do you?”

“No, but I have homework to finish and I definitely have to study for our next test. What about you? How was school today?”

“Same old. Can’t complain. I just have some things to finish tonight, too.” You hear rustling in the background, followed by his door shutting.

“Did you just get home?”

“Yeah. I went to the gym really quickly.” He lets out a sigh. “I miss you.”

“Aw, I miss you, too. You’ll see me tomorrow, though.” 

“I know but.. it feels like a long time from now.” You step into your car and let out a breathy giggle. “Do you wanna just stay over tonight?” You pause, hearing the question come from him. You’ve hung out at Hongjoong’s apartment more times than you can count, but you’ve never stayed the night since Hongjoong was always so careful about being too quick or pressuring you into doing something you weren’t ready for. It’s not that you weren’t ready, and you definitely thought about it more recently. But, you were also shy because it felt like a huge step for you and Hongjoong’s relationship. Though, you knew he’d enjoy it just as much as you would. You just had to overcome all of your overthinking and get over your assumptions, you think.

“Joong, I have to study tonight.”

“Study at mine. I won’t bug you.” He laughs. “I have some homework I gotta get through, too.” Silence. “Baby, no pressure but I really just miss you.”

“Joongie.” You almost whine. You miss him, too. You really, really do. “Okay, yeah.”

“Really?” He says excitedly.

“Mhm.” You laugh. “I just need to go home, shower and pack a few things.”

“Mmkay. Let me know when you’re ready.”

“Okay.”

“See you soon, pretty girl.” You hang up the call, eyeing the phone before shaking your head and driving home. Not gonna lie, you were extra nervous. You were excited to finally spend the night with him, but you were nervous. You were nervous thinking about what the night would bring. What could it possibly bring? Were you two really gonna study and just go to sleep? Would Hongjoong expect things from you? Hongjoong would kiss you, slowly make out with you and touch you in certain places, but never expected more from it— again, mainly because he was afraid to unintentionally pressure you in any way.

Welp.

You quickly brush your thoughts away and hop in the shower before throwing on a lazy outfit consisting of an oversized sweater and biker shorts. You pack up some things, telling your roommate you’ll be back tomorrow. She teases you a few times about finally sleeping over, yelling from her room that she’ll be excited to hear details if you actually do come back the following day.

When Hongjoong comes, it’s about 15 minutes after you finish packing. He tells you he’s parked near the curb out front, slipping into your shoes and rushing out the front door to greet him. He’s in a hoodie and sweats, hood up on his head while he scrolls through his phone waiting for your arrival.

“Hi.” You happily say, hopping into the passenger’s seat after dropping your bags into the trunk.

“Hey.” He beams at you, leaning over for a kiss. “Ready?” You nod, buckling in your seatbelt. Hongjoong stops by the nearest McDonalds to grab some greasy fast food for you two to indulge in while you both study away.

The apartment is quiet tonight, with San being out and Mingi studying away in his room. The both of you make a beeline to his room, Hongjoong hauling your bags while you take charge of carrying the food in. You place the bag down on the desk, carefully setting the food onto the surface. You let out a squeal when you feel his arms wrap around your waist, pulling you in between his legs when he settles onto the edge of his bed.

“I missed you. I’m glad you’re staying tonight.” His hands are at your hips, gently squeezing before caressing your bare skin.

“I missed you, too.” You cup his cheeks and give him a kiss on the lips.

“Let’s eat first?” He chases after your lips for another quick kiss. “You’ll have energy to study.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” You give him a tiny, toothless smile. You and Hongjoong talk about your day in more detail while eating, laughing and teasing each other before settling down for the rest of the evening. He offers you a shirt to change into so you can be more comfortable, and you take it; slipping into it with ease before plopping back onto his bed with your books in hand. You tuck one leg in, while the other is propped out, with Hongjoong laying on his stomach next to you. He plants random kisses along your leg from time to time, throwing an arm over to hold onto it while he continues to work through his homework.

Surprisingly, you do finish everything.

“Babe.” You call for him as you shut your books close about two hours later, Hongjoong now folding some clothes and putting them away in his closet.

“Mhm?”

“I’m done.” You smile, packing your things into your backpack.

“Nice. See, I told you I wouldn’t bug you.” You laugh, making grabby-hands at Hongjoong.

“Are you almost done, though?”

“I am. Just a few more, then we can cuddle for the rest of the night. Sound good?” You nod.

“I’m gonna get ready for bed.” You hop off and grab your toiletries, throwing on a random pair of Hongjoong’s extra sweats before waddling to the bathroom. You take your time brushing your teeth, washing your face and getting cozy for the night before heading back into Hongjoong’s room. He’s back on the edge of his bed, this time, sorting through Netflix to find something to watch. You carefully slip under his sheets, texting away with Ara and Wooyoung until Hongjoong shuts off his lights and slips in next to you.

The one thing you’ve learned from Hongjoong is that he always gives you his full attention. He never scrolls through his phone for long if you’re with him, doesn’t let other shit occupy his attention. It’s you, and it’s always about you.

So, you set your phone aside and let him pull you into his arms, fixing the pillows so you could comfortably lay on his chest while he lays back against the headboard.

“You okay, baby? Comfortable?” He asks softly. You nod and he gives you a sweet, feathery kiss on the top of your head before starting the movie. There’s silence that falls between you two when the movie begins, but it’s comfortable. It’s sweet, it’s comfortable, it’s peace. Hongjoong gently runs his hand up and down your arm, tracing faint shapes on the surface as a small, reassuring way of saying he loves taking care of you— loves keeping you safe, warm.

Eventually, the movie hits the halfway mark, and you’re kinda over it. You’re over it because all you wanna do is kiss Joong and lazily make out with him until you can’t anymore. You just want him, all of him, and you don’t really wanna wait for the next opportunity to come around when you can have him here, right now. In this bed.

“Babe.” You call for him softly as you rest your chin on his chest and look up at him.

“Hm?” He hums, eyes still glued to the TV.

“Pay attention to me.” You pout, making him shift his attention from the screen down to you.

“I am.” He laughs a bit, hand gently massaging at your scalp. “What can I do for you, baby girl?”

“Just want a kiss.”

“Mm. I’ll be more than happy to give you that.” He smiles. “C’mere.” He adjusts once more while you rise and bring yourself closer, lips locking onto his the moment you are close enough to do so. Even after you pull away, you repeatedly kiss him— Hongjoong squeezing your side in between kisses as a way to encourage you to keep going. 

And you do.

The kiss deepens and the movie is now a long-gone thought in the background; simply filling noise, filling space. He lets out a soft sigh when you tug back on his bottom lip and suck onto it, following up with another kiss to keep the intensity alive. Your tongues are fighting for dominance, giving Hongjoong leverage to lay you down onto the mattress while he hovers over your body.

His lips trail down your jaw, down to your neck. He gently nips and sucks at the surface, leaving marks along the way to show off who you truly belong to in this crazy, fucked up world. You are his, and his only.

“Wanna take care of you, baby. Can I?” He pauses as his hand slowly travels underneath your shirt and up your side, thumb caressing right under your bra line. You simply nod, feeling his hand travel to the back of your bra to unhook it in one quick move. You help by tugging your straps down and tossing the bra off to the side, Joong’s hand now coming up to cup your breast— letting out a shaking breath when he toys with your perked nipples. 

“Joong.” You whimper. He gives you a look before he pulls your shirt upward, tongue carefully swirling around a bud before repeating the same on the other. He watches as your back slightly arches in response, goosebumps etched on your chest, arms. He plants chaste kisses down your stomach, trailing down to your clothed core.

“Is it okay if I keep going?” He whispers, fingers toying with the band of your cute red panties.

“Please.” You respond, arousal overflowing in the pit of your gut. He hooks his finger onto your panties and slides them off, biting onto his bottom lip when he finally has you like this under his hold. To be honest, you’ve never really had fulfilling sexual experiences in your previous relationship. The sex was good, but it wasn’t great, nor was it memorable. Your ex had a tendency to fuck for one purpose only, and that was to get himself off. He’d never go down on you, but he’d finger you as part of the foreplay. He’d keep it to missionary, never really down to explore other positions or find something that’ll spice up shit in the bedroom. But you were young, so you never really complained. You truthfully thought that was how sexual experiences worked— who were you to fight against that if you didn’t really have anything else to work off of or compare it to?

The other thing about Hongjoong is that he is keen on showing you differently, satisfying and pleasing you to the end. Because it’s you, and it’s always about you.

His thumb presses against your clit, earning a small gasp from you. He smiles at how sensitive you are, damn near begging him to touch you in all the right places, fuck you ‘till you can’t walk. And he will, but he wants to explore you first; really explore you and take you in.

“You’re so beautiful.” His eyes are glued onto you, slipping in two digits inside of you. “So wet.” He curls his fingers just right, pumping them at a perfect rhythm. 

“Oh— Joongie.” You let out, toes curling at the end of the bed, hands gripping the sheets when he lowers himself back down in between your thighs; pressing sweet kisses to the inner parts before coming down to your pussy. Everything feels so slow, yet so intimate and special, even when Hongjoong finally latches on and laps away at your clit while his digits continue to pump into you. You’re moaning a little louder now, but he only hopes the TV is loud enough to muffle the noises because he truly could care less about shushing you and trying to keep it down for his roommates.

Oops.

So as to say that you’ve never had memorable sexual experiences with your past, you’ve also never really felt what a real, raw orgasm felt like. And when the first one hits you, it feels like a certain high where all you hear are fireworks exploding. You tremble in his grip and Joong soothes you by kissing you all over, praising you for doing so well, whispering that he’d continue to take care of you. He digs for a condom in his nightstand, sheets draped over his body when he sits back to roll the condom down on his length. Your eyes can’t help fix on it, his tip red and angry— ready to feel you, make you feel good but equally ruin you in the best possible ways.

He eases himself in, lips grazing over yours as he locks eyes with you. The both of you let out soft moans while adjusting to the feeling, Joong keeping a slow pace until you’re more comfortable. 

“Keep going.” You manage to whisper against him, enjoying the feeling of being full of him. He picks up his pace, rocking his hips at a steadier pace that has him muttering curse words to himself, your nails digging into his back while your moans get a little louder.

“Baby.” He chuckles. “Fuck— you sound so sexy, but—” He pants a bit, furrowing his brows as he forces himself to hold on a little bit longer. “Mingi.”

“I can’t.” You whine. “Feels too good.” He lets out another shaky breath hearing that slip from your lips, his ego climbing just a bit knowing he can make you tremble under his grip, knowing he has you wrapped around his finger like this.

“So good.” He responds. “So good for me, princess. You’re so, so good.” He praises you, nibbling on your earlobe when his hips snap at a messier, rougher pace. He sucks on your neck more, darkening the reddish blobs littering across the column. You start to move your hips to match his movements, earning a deep groan from Hongjoong. “Ohhhfuck, Y/N. I won’t last.” He dips his thumb down to your clit, wanting to push you over the edge so, so badly. “Can you come for me again, baby? Hm?”

“Hongjoong.” You repeatedly moan his name like a mantra, feeling the coil in your stomach threatening to snap any second now. 

“Mhm, that’s it. Come all over me. Give it to me.” He coaxes you. Suddenly, your orgasm washes over and makes your bones feel like jelly; everything sounds and feels like white noise even when Hongjoong snaps his hips roughly, chasing his high until he spills into the condom.

“Holy fuck.” You manage to let out as you try to regulate your breathing— eyes glossy, lips swollen, hair a mess, hickeys covering your neck. It’s a beautiful fucking sight to Hongjoong, and god, does he love seeing you underneath him like this.

“God, you’re perfect.” He kisses you on the lips, carefully removing himself from inside of you. He steps out of the bed and tosses the condom into the trash, slipping back into his sweats to grab the wipes from the bathroom. “You’re so pretty.” He laughs, watching as you lie there, letting him clean you up and take care of you.

“This is pretty to you?”

“Incredibly.” He smiles. “Gonna grab us some water.” He turns to the TV. “Fuck the movie, I guess?” You laugh.

“Yeah, I’m sleepy.”

“Okay, baby. I’ll be right back.” He kisses your forehead before running out to grab some water.

“I see you two were having some fun.” Mingi says with a smirk on his face, exiting the bathroom after a quick shower. Hongjoong truthfully didn’t even hear his ass walk into the bathroom and step into the shower.

“Oops. My bad, dude. We’ll keep it down next time.” Hongjoong chuckles, returning to the room with some water. “Here, drink some. You should probably go pee, too.”

“Joong, I’m so lazy.” You respond after chugging some water.

“Go.” He hands you the sweats you were wearing earlier. You roll your eyes and shove them on, earning a quick ass-slap from Hongjoong for the attitude.

You definitely slept well that night.

And the next morning felt even more perfect, being that you didn’t wake up to a Hongjoong next to you; but, you did wake up to a Hongjoong bringing you a plate of breakfast in bed. He cutely sat on the edge of the bed, brushing the hair out of your face while the other hand held a plate with rice, eggs and spam drizzled in sriracha. You certainly didn’t wanna leave him that day, especially when he pressed repeated kisses against your lips in the car— reassuring you he’d be back to pick you up after classes.

“How was it?” Wooyoung asks as you two sit in the café before classes, raising a brow at the hickeys you’re trying to cover with your sweater [but clearly failing]. “Or should I even ask?” He scratches at his neck as a way to point out your hickeys.

“Uh.” You fiddle with the straw on your drink, biting onto your bottom lip to prevent yourself from smiling too big.

“Ew.” He laughs. “You’re so bad at hiding them, dude. Did he try to eat you or something?”

“You asked!” You tuck your hoodie up. “I didn’t think he’d give me that many hickeys.”

“Mm.” Wooyoung hums. “At least it was good.” He snorts, making you toss a crumpled napkin at his face.

“He made me breakfast in bed, too.”

“You spoiled little brat.” He laughs, this time earning a kick under the table. “Ow, you’re so fiesty today!” He complains.

“Woo, listen to me.” You pout.

“What? The fuck can you possibly be sad about when you got the best fuck of your life and breakfast in bed?”

“Sometimes, I feel like he’s too good to be true.” You give him a look.

“What, why?”

“He’s just so good to me.”

“And you deserve to be loved that way, Y/N. Don’t ever question that shit.” Wooyoung points at you in a scolding manner. “I can tell he genuinely cares about you and really, really likes you. Let the guy love you.”

“Really?” He smiles and nods.

“Yeah, really. It’s the cutest shit. You two are cute.” He pats himself on the back. “Say thank you Wooyoung for throwing us in the backseat of Yunho’s car.”

“Fuck no, you wish.” You joke. Though, you really are grateful for that specific moment. You are grateful to Wooyoung and his irrational, loud, spontaneous ass. You are grateful that Yunho just happened to be there, right at that very second, with the people he was with. Because it brought you to Hongjoong, the one person that has become your homie, lover and friend all in one.

So yeah, maybe Wooyoung is right. After your shitty exes and unfulfilling relationships, maybe you do deserve this. 

All of this.

—SUMMER

“Y/N, my favorite!” Hongjoong’s dad says happily as he stands at the front door, watching you step out of the car.

“Hi to you too.” Hongjoong jokes with his dad, making him push Hongjoong out of the way in order to pull you into a big hug. “Mom, your husband doesn’t know how to show love to his youngest son!” Hongjoong yells into the house.

“Hi!” You hug him back before stepping into the house, kicking off your shoes and setting your duffle bag down. His mom comes to greet you, followed by his older brother and his dog, Momo.

“You look so cute today.” His mom says, bringing you to the dining table. “Come eat, I just finished cooking. I made sure to get you some fried fish since I know it’s your favorite.” You sit and look up at her with appreciation before letting out a small ‘thank you.’

When Hongjoong first told you that his family really wanted to meet you, you were scared. You were scared, and you were nervous. All you wanted to do was make a good impression, enough for them to like you and support your relationship with their son. 

But it ended up being so much more than that, and you were super happy with the outcome.

You had built such a strong bond with his family over time, just as he did with yours. You constantly wanted to join Hongjoong when he visited home. His parents always asked about you, always wanted to know when the next time you’d drop by. Sometimes, his parents would drive down just to hang out and see you both. Hongjoong had taken you to a huge family gathering or two, his parents proudly showing you off to their family members.

It went the same way with your own parents, but your parents weren’t as adventurous as Hongjoong’s. They loved taking weekend trips to nearby places, while your family loved staying home and being in their comfort zone with the occasional family trips here and there. Your family wasn’t as big as his, and your family loved being lowkey. It wasn’t a problem, but you ended up hanging out with Hongjoong and his family more just because they were closer to the universities and had more plans in store. Plus, you bonded with his father and his older brother over basketball. It was always a good time.

“What time are you guys heading to the party tonight?” His dad sits on the opposite side, already digging into the fried fish that laid flat in the center of the table.

“I don’t know, probably 9 or something.” Hongjoong picks at the fish, dropping pieces into your bowl of rice.

“Whose house is it at?”

“Joshua’s.” His dad nods.

“Y/N, you’re finally gonna meet his childhood friends.” You nod.

“I know, I can’t wait.” You giggle.

“They’re all obnoxious freeloaders.” Hongjoong’s mom laughs while she washes the pans in the sink, telling his father to be nice.

“So what hotel are we staying at over the weekend?” The main reason you two came down for the weekend was because it was a childhood friend’s birthday, and because his parents had plans to do a weekend staycation at a hotel nearly 1.5 hours away. They invited you two to come along, especially since his brother was tagging along, too.

“It’s a smaller one, but it has suites. Ours has a full blown kitchen, living area and two rooms. But we have to sneak Momo in.”

“What do you mean we have to sneak Momo in?” Hongjoong chuckles. “You didn’t check if it was a pet-friendly hotel?”

“I think it is, but I’m not sure. It’s too late to ask anyway. He won’t make a peep.” The both of you turn to Momo sleeping in his crate.

“Yeah, he’s an old man.”

“You and your brother need to sleep out on the pull-out couch so Y/N has the room to herself.”

“Babe, I’m gonna slip into your room.” You playfully nudge him in the midst of eating, rolling your eyes.

“I’m sure the couch will be just as great, Joongie.”

“Don’t be like that.” He pouts.

“Give her some space, my goodness.” You laugh at his mom’s response, excited to spend the weekend with them nonetheless. 

The night comes rather quickly, especially after you’ve walked Momo with Joong and tagged along to buy some groceries for the weekend staycation. You’ve dressed yourself up in a cute little mini skirt and a top, while Hongjoong is sporting a white Stussy shirt, black jeans and a backwards cap. The house isn’t too far from his own; the town that his family lives in not being incredibly huge. He pulls up to a block lined with big, two-story homes [similarly to his], parking in a spot around the round-about. The house at the corner is flooding with people— either hanging out outside or in the house, and the music is muffled behind the walls of the house.

“Ready, baby?” You give him a nod and he quickly leans over to kiss you on the lips. The two of you walk hand in hand towards the house, Hongjoong already greeting people the moment you’ve stepped onto the property. 

You’re a bit relieved when you see San, Mingi and Yunho hanging around in the house, instantly greeting them while Hongjoong continues to say his hellos. It’s not long before you’re returning back to his side because Hongjoong is proudly introducing you to everyone as his girlfriend, his lady, his girl; arm either swung around your shoulder or your waist. Even though these are people he mainly grew up with, you didn’t feel entirely left out with how down-to-earth and outgoing everyone was.

“Let me get you something to drink.” Hongjoong kisses your temple before tapping your hips and leaving you to Yunho, San and Mingi. 

“Dude, I’m glad you came tonight.” Yunho swings an arm around you. “Where’s Woo at?”

“He went home, too! He’s barely been around his apartment cause he’s been spending time with family.”

“He does hate being around school.” You laugh.

“He does.” 

“Did you get to meet everyone? I think mostly everyone’s here.” Mingi looks around, sipping on his drink. Hongjoong comes back around with a red cup full of a sweet, fruity cocktail in his hand. He hands you the cup and presses another chaste kiss to your lips before hugging you from behind.

“I think so.” Right at this moment, more roars are coming towards the backyard door where a few heads walk in. Loud greetings and hugs are being thrown towards the group that just arrived, Hongjoong, Yunho, San and Mingi happily greeting the guy that walks in first.

“My guy!” Hongjoong daps him up and everything, even with his one arm still wrapped around your shoulder.

“Kim fucking Hongjoong, it’s about time! I haven’t seen you in so long, dude!” The guy looks down at you with a big smile, giving you a curt nod. “Who’s the pretty lady? Is this Y/N?”

“Sure is.” Hongjoong smiles. “This is my girlfriend, Y/N. Y/N, Jisung.” He properly introduces you.

“I’ve heard so much about you.” He smiles, his semi-long permed black hair cascading down the sides of his face. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you!” Truthfully, you’ve probably only heard Jisung’s name tossed around a few times, but Joong has never really talked about him like that. It does make your heart soar that he’s proudly talking about you and beaming about your relationship.

A girl comes up behind Jisung and loudly greets Yunho, San and Mingi. Her eyes simply glaze over you and Hongjoong, but she manages to mutter a small ‘hey’ before pulling Jisung to the drinks. It’s not until someone calls out her name that you realize it’s Hongjoong’s Tara; his ex, Tara. You don’t miss how Hongjoong’s smile fades a bit, and how his body becomes rather stiff. But, he manages to play it off well— returning his attention to you as if the vibe switch never happened. He had always been honest about his relationship with her, telling you that they had always been close before they started dating. But unfortunately, all of that has gone to waste with how awful their break up was. He doesn’t give you details on the breakup— how, why or when it happened. You just know that they’re awkward, and that they’re back to being strangers.

It is what it is, he says. Maybe it just works out better that way. 

You never pressed on it, never asked him more. Because whatever Hongjoong was willing to share was okay with you, and as long as he was okay, you were okay. Same thing goes for you and your ex— Hongjoong never pressed you to share what you weren’t comfortable with; but he damn sure made up for everything you had gone through in your previous relationship. He made sure to kiss every scar, every wound, every thought, that made you believe you weren’t enough or that you lacked in certain areas.

Because to him, you truly didn’t. You were one of a kind.

Throughout the night, you and Hongjoong continue to stick to each other, sharing affectionate moments in between silly dances. Tara surprisingly didn’t make her presence known much, and that eased the anxiety you felt when she first walked in. It’s not like you expected him to be bothered purely by the way he talked about their history, but at the same time, you didn’t know what to expect and you didn’t know her. You just wanted to have a good time with him and the people he enjoyed being around. You loved being with him more than anything, and you loved the attention he always gave you. You didn’t have to ask because Hongjoong always gave, always made sure to take care of you before anyone else. 

Towards the end, you find yourself clinging close to Yunho and participating in a round of beer pong with him while Hongjoong steps outside to take a few hits of a blunt Jisung made. 

“I’m glad you brought Y/N along. I’ve been dying to meet her since your ass talks about her so much.” Joong laughs just as he exhales.

“That’s my girl.” 

“You look hella happy with her.”

“I am. We just.. fit. She really does make me happy.” Joong takes another hit.

“That’s good. I’m happy for you.” Jisung chuckles. “So does that mean..?” Joong looks at him because he already knows what he’s talking about.

“We’re not really talking.”

“That’s not what I was gonna ask, though.” Jisung cocks a brow up. “I’m assuming you’re over her and everything since Y/N is around now.”

“Mhm. Yeah.” Is all Hongjoong says. “Been over with.”

“Okay.” Jisung responds. He leaves it at that because even though a tiny part of him feels like Hongjoong isn’t actually over it, who is he to argue against it? Only Hongjoong knows what’s going on in that head of his. Jisung can only hope you don’t get hurt by anything in the end because you seem like a genuinely nice and sweet girl.

Once Hongjoong and Jisung are done smoking, he comes to find you finishing up the round with Yunho. He celebrates your victory, showering you in kisses before whispering in your ear that he wanted to get the fuck up out of there. You take the keys from him and step into the driver’s seat, sober enough compared to your boyfriend since Yunho took all the beer during beer pong. The both of you recount different moments of the party, with you telling Hongjoong that you really enjoyed meeting his group of friends from home.

“Baby.” He breaks the silence, hand on your thigh and giving it a good squeeze.

“Yes?” You quickly look over at him before looking back out to the road.

“You’re so pretty.” He says, the weed still in his system; eyes still glossy and red. “I liked seeing you have fun tonight.”

“Joong.” You giggle.

“No, seriously. You’re perfect.” He squeezes at your thigh again, fingers slowly trailing up to your inner thighs and sending goosebumps to ripple through your body.

“No one’s perfect.”

“You are. To me.” Your breath quietly hitches when you feel his fingers tease at the hem of your skirt. “My pretty girl.” His hand finally dips underneath, teasing at your panties.

“You do remember we’re going back to your parents’ house, right?”

“Mhm.” He teases at the edge of the material; so close, yet so far. Threatening to be right where you want him. “Just sleep in my room.”

“I’m not doing that with your parents around, Hongjoong.” He chuckles.

“They won’t care. Fuck the guest room. You can just be quiet for me, right pretty?” He bites onto his bottom lip.

“Hongjoong.” You whine, almost unable to finish the drive home with the way your boyfriend is being.

“Pull into the park’s lot.” He points ahead. “Need you right now.”

“In the lot?!”

“You won’t sleep in my room, so..” You let out a breath, still obeying to pull into the lot. You needed him just as bad, the ache becoming unbearable in between your legs. You park under the tree for more ‘privacy’ [if you can even it call it that], the rest of the lot completely empty and dark. As soon as you put the gear in park, Hongjoong is tugging onto your shirt, begging for you to be on his lap. “Ride me.” He adjusts the seat enough so that you have room to climb over, already unbuckling his belt and undoing his jeans. When you land on his lap, he tugs your panties to the side and guides you onto his tip, letting out a loud moan when you finally sink down on his length. “Fuuuuck.”

“Joong, someone might see us.”

“No one will see us.” He digs his fingers deeper into your hips, encouraging you to work your hips faster.

“We don’t even have a condom!”

“I’ll pull out.” He laughs. “Fuck baby, I promise. We’re okay.” He kisses you sweetly on the lips. “Just need you right now. Ride me like the good girl you are, hm?” You let out a breathy moan hearing his raspy voice, working your hips back and forth at a steady pace.

“Feels so good.” You whine.

“Always know how to ride me so well.” He dips his thumb into your mouth, watching you wrap your pretty lips around it. “And you’re all mine. Right, princess?”

“I’m yours.” You mewl with a nod just as he slips his thumb out of your mouth, hand now coming to your neck with enough pressure. He pulls you in for a sloppy, wet kiss, shared moans released in between kisses. The friction against your clit is adding onto the pleasure you feel, your orgasm building quick. It only takes a few more rolls against him before you feel yourself unraveling, moans echoing within the car— you’d really be surprised if nobody questioned it. The car moving, sounds probably heard through the windows.

You can’t believe him right now.

“Hongjoong, I’m gonna—” You don’t even finish your sentence before your squeezing the life out of him, walls pulsing around his length. It’s enough to bring Hongjoong’s orgasm out of him, the panic lowkey mixing with the pleasure he’s feeling.

“Fuck— up, baby. Up.” He taps your hips and you move upwards, Joong releasing right into his hand as soon as he’s out. You’re still twitching from the sensitivity while also trying to regulate your breathing, exhaustion hitting you quick in the tight space. “Shit.” Hongjoong says, looking around to grab a napkin.

“You’re so messy.” You joke, making him laugh.

“Where else could I have done it, hm? Enlighten me.” You point to your mouth to tease him. He responds by clicking his teeth, wiping away in between your legs before tending to himself. “Don’t say shit like that, Y/N. We might never make it back to my parents’ place.” You laugh and hop off, albeit struggling to make it back to the driver’s seat.

“We’re leaving.” You fix yourself a bit more before buckling your seatbelt in and starting up the car. Joong continues to adjust himself back into his jeans before settling, letting out a hefty sigh when he’s comfortable.

“Offer still stands, love.”

“What offer?”

“To sleep in my room.”

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Why?” He pouts and whines. “I’m telling you right now, my parents won’t care.”

“I do!”

“Baby, how are you gonna do me like that?”

“You’ll see me down the hall in the morning.” You smile at him before driving up the hill, the park literally being down the street from the house. When you arrive and park at the curb in front of the house, you and Joong quietly step inside and slip out of your shoes. He playfully grabs you by the waist, pulling you into more kisses in the dark to prevent you from heading up the stairs. You silently scold him and laugh against his lips, afraid his parents will wake up and see you two making out in the entryway. Just as you’re about to head down to the guest room, Joong tugs you by the wrist and pulls you into his room for another round of kisses. 

“Just stay with me.” He whispers before locking his lips with yours again.

“I’m down the hall.” He gently sucks onto your bottom lip, slightly pushing himself up against you. “Kim Hongjoong. Stop it.” You tap him on the chest and he sighs in defeat.

“I hate sleeping without you.”

“It’s for one weekend.” You blush at Hongjoong’s neediness. Quite frankly, you don’t wanna be without him either, and it’s taking everything in you to leave him. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

“Fine.” He meets your eyes while caressing your chin. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” You smile at him before leaving him in his room to head down to the guest room. The guest room has a half bathroom that you use to get ready for the night. You quickly wash up and throw on a comfy pajama set before slipping into the bed and plugging your phone into the charger. Hongjoong sends you a few more texts and pouty faces before you send one final text saying you were setting the phone down for the night.

The next morning, you’re woken up by his parents making breakfast downstairs, followed by Hongjoong’s dad yelling for him and his brother to wake up and take Momo out. Hongjoong’s actually the first to be up, responding that he’ll take Momo out after he checks on his other baby first. You giggle to yourself under the covers until you feel another body jump onto the sheets and hug you tightly. He showers you with tickles and kisses before getting up to get ready for the rest of the weekend ahead.

Which, was amazing. Something you’ll always remember, something you’ll always keep close to your heart.

The hotel was small, but beautiful, and it sat in the middle of a cute town. You successfully snuck Momo into the suite with Hongjoong and his brother; the boys tasked with hauling his things and his crate, while you tucked him nicely into a blanket and carried him into the room once the coast was clear. The entire weekend was spent walking around town or playing around at the pool while Hongjoong’s parents always cooked the best meals. Hongjoong would occasionally sneak into your room just to pepper you with kisses and lay with you for a bit before you would whine about his parents finding him in there. It was a weekend full of laughter, bonding, candid photos, kisses and sweet praises from Hongjoong— telling you he felt so lucky to have you.

You, perfect for him.

You, everything to him.

And that continued even after the weekend. You and Hongjoong both found summer jobs just to keep yourselves busy, but he never failed to make you feel loved despite the slight change in schedules. He’d drop by as soon as you both were off, bringing you a bouquet of ‘just cause’ flowers before kissing you and holding you close. He’d bring you to work on days he didn’t have work and patiently wait for you to get off. He’d cook you a good meal, cuddle you and make love to you in the best [yet nastiest] ways. He’d surprise you with little things here and there— shoes, little trinkets, shirts— things he knew you’d like and that reminded him of you, only you. The hangouts with your friends and his friends continued, the bond between all of you only growing more tight.

You could say that summer was amazing. It was the happiest you’ve felt in such a long time. Or.. ever, if you’re being honest.

You were so happy that the moments when Hongjoong would go home for a night to hang out with his childhood friends or help his parents, you’d be sad. You knew you couldn’t always be with him, but those moments when you weren’t, easily made you feel incomplete. You were used to having him around, stuck at your hip while he kissed your temple and kept you close.

You felt empty, like your other half was missing.

“You’re leaving me.” You pout as you wait for your smoothie to be done, Hongjoong resting his chin on top of your head while he lazily holds you from behind. Tonight was one of those nights where you’d be sleeping without Hongjoong, a night where you wouldn’t get any cuddles, kisses.

A night without his warmth.

“Only for the night, love. I’ll be back tomorrow.” He presses his lips to your head. Once your smoothie is done, you take it to the car with your hand in his, head hung low because you don’t wanna be without Hongjoong for a night. You’ve gotten so used to being with him that one night feels way too long.

When he finally gets you back to the apartment, he kisses you sweetly; hands cupping your cheeks before he presses a kiss to your forehead. He tells you how much he’s gonna miss his pretty girl for the night, but he’ll be back before you know it. You smile, hugging him tightly before waving him off and watching his car drive off towards the direction of home.

Though you already missed him, you happily skip to your room and eat your favorite breakfast bagel with your smoothie; reminiscing about how summer has been so, so good to you.

How Hongjoong has been so, so good to you.

—SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE

“Hi!” You giggle as you hop into Hongjoong’s car, leaning in to kiss him. But, he moves away, furrowing his brows at you. He’s angry, and you’re not exactly sure why. “Um, okay. What’s wrong?”

“Where have you been? I’ve been waiting here for close to 15 minutes and you weren’t even answering my texts or calls.”

“Babe, I’m sorry. Class ran late and then I ran into Ara and Wooyoung on the way over.” He pulls out of the lot rather quickly, speeding off to his apartment from campus. “Slow down.”

“You couldn’t take that one second to text me or let me know?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think about it.” He doesn’t respond.

“Yeah, you didn’t.”

“It’s 15 minutes, Joong.”

“I’m just saying you could’ve told me, Y/N. I picked you up, it’s the least you could do.”

“The least I could do? If you didn’t wanna pick me up, you could’ve just said so—”

“That’s not the point.”

“Hongjoong, I didn’t do this on purpose. It just slipped my mind.” Your bottom lip starts to tremble. “Why are you so angry with me? I haven’t seen you all day.”

“Exactly.” Is all he says, leaning into his hand propped near the window as the other steers the wheel. You feel the tears building up quickly because not only was this unintentional, but Hongjoong is making you feel incredibly guilty for no reason. 

“I said I was sorry. Why are you being like that?”

“I’m not being like anything, Y/N.”

“You’re being mean.”

“Am I?” He quickly turns to you with a glare before looking back out at the road. “I do hella shit for you, the least you could do is fucking let me know you’re gonna be late instead of letting me look dumb.” You flinch at his words, a mixture of both anger and sadness running through your body.

“I don’t mean to be such a chore for you.”

“Wow, there you go putting words into my mouth again. No one even said that.” You cross your arms and quietly slump in your seat, subtly wiping away at the tears streaming down your cheeks. You don’t even continue the conversation, leaving the air heavy and thick for the remaining 10 minute drive home to his apartment.

Once you get there, you simply kick off your shoes and sadly greet San and Mingi before walking into Hongjoong’s room. You change into comfier clothes, and slip into bed; studying for next week’s test and taking notes on your iPad while Joong talks to the boys outside in the living room. They start up a game of FIFA that has them screaming in the living room for an hour or so before they decide they’re gonna head out for a bit. Usually, Hongjoong skips in and begs you to come because he doesn’t wanna go anywhere without you. He loves having fun with you, seeing you smile and being able to kiss you in between.

But tonight, he rushes into the room without saying a word, and grabs a jacket before heading back out. The door to his room shuts close and you can’t help but feel your heart break. All of this over being 15 minutes late, and you feel terrible about yourself.

Why were you doing everything wrong?

“Woo.” You cry into the phone.

“What’s wrong?” You continue to cry quietly. “Y/N, what’s wrong?”

“Joong was just hella mad at me. For the dumbest reason.”

“What happened?”

“Dude, he was so mad at me for taking too long. Said I should’ve just texted him and let him know instead of making him look dumb for 15 minutes.”

“I’m sorry, what? That’s what you’re arguing about?” He clicks his teeth. “Y/N, please stop crying. Where is he right now?”

“I don’t know, he left with San and Mingi.”

“Do you want me to pick you up?”

“No, it’s fine.”

“He didn’t say anything else to you?”

“No. He was angry. Sped the fuck off to the apartment and everything.”

“I get where he’s coming from but it’s really not that big of a deal. It’s not like you always do this to him.”

“Why do I feel so bad and guilty about everything? I always feel like I’m doing something wrong.”

“You’re not. He’s just not thinking.” You sniff and wipe away at your face, glancing at the time. You didn’t think Hongjoong would be back any time soon, so you continue to talk to Wooyoung on the phone while going through your notes. It’s about 2 hours in before Wooyoung says he’s gonna call it a night since he needs to wake up early and head home for the weekend. You let him go and get yourself ready for bed— fully expecting Hongjoong to probably sleep outside or create a gap between you two.

You wake up close to midnight when you hear San barge into the room with repeated apologies, hair a mess.

“Y/N, I am so sorry to wake you, but I need help.” You look up at him and sit up, rubbing at your eyes. Suddenly, the sound of someone falling into the floor and crashing into the dining room table echoes in the living room and San panics. “They’re both fucking drunk.” San says, stumbling back into the living room to find Mingi laid out on the dining room chairs, while Hongjoong is on the floor. You sigh and let San guide Mingi to his room, while you tend to your boyfriend.

“Joong, get up.”

“Baby. I’m sooo drunk.”

“Yeah, I can see that. You need to get up, though.” You try to pull him up by the arm. Luckily, he cooperates, though he stumbles a bit while you guide him to the bathroom. “Can we get you ready for bed?”

“Only if you come with me.” He hiccups. You shake your head and sigh.

“Yeah.” You sit him on the toilet. “Sit. I need to grab you some clothes.”

“I’m gonna fall over and die.” He laughs.

“You’re not.” San comes out of the hallway, letting out a huge sigh.

“Mingi’s in bed.”

“Can you watch him? I need to grab him some clothes.” San sits with him while you grab him a change of clothes. You hear them fumbling in the bathroom before Hongjoong lets out another laugh.

“Dude, keep still. Jesus Christ. You’re so lucky Y/N’s taking care of you. I would’ve left your ass there to fend for yourself.” He scolds him just as you walk back into the bathroom.

“Thanks, Sannie.” He gives you a tiny, toothless smile and nods.

“I’m sorry about this.”

“You don’t have to apologize. Just go and get some rest.” 

“I’m gonna sleep on Mingi’s floor in case he yacks on himself.” He rolls his eyes, shutting the bathroom door behind him.

“My pretty baby.” He continues to tug you closer, making grabby hands and being all needy.

“Stop, Joong. Get your shirt off.”

“Why are you mad at me?” He whines as you switch out his shirt.

“Cause you were mad at me for something stupid.” 

“You were taking so long. I just wanted to be with you, but Wooyoung was taking up your time. W-Wouldn’t you feel the same way?” He slurs.

“Ara, too.” You look at him. “You don’t need to get mad at me for things like that, Hongjoong.” You can’t believe you’re having this talk with him while he’s intoxicated. But for whatever reason, you feel like he’ll understand you better this way. He’ll be less mean, less temperamental.

It shouldn’t be that way, though.

“Sorry.” He mumbles as you help him switch into his pajama bottoms. You don’t respond as you quickly wipe down his face with a wet face towel, handing him his toothbrush. “Baby, m’sorry. What more do you want?” He’s only accepting defeat because what else can he do being this vulnerable right now?

“Okay.” You give him what he wants. “Brush your teeth so you can get to bed.” Hongjoong brushes his teeth, grabbing the tiny cup of mouthwash you hand him before guiding him to the bed. He plops down onto his stomach, arm lazily hanging off the edge while you tuck him in. He falls asleep rather quickly, already deep in sleep when you place a water bottle on the nightstand and a trash can near the bed.

You sleep easily throughout the night after that, with the occasional Hongjoong tossing and turning in bed, sitting up to drink water before he’s back to holding you and keeping you close. You feel his lips press against the back of your head and neck a few times, but you don’t budge. Because you’re still upset, yet you’ve pushed it to the back of your mind to take care of him. 

Oh, Hongjoong.

You wish you weren’t so easy to fold when it came to him, your relationship. Hongjoong does so, so well bringing you up; but you’re learning over time and as your relationship goes on, he does so, so well bringing you down, too.

The following morning comes, and Mingi is yacking his brains out in the bathroom. You shrug Hongjoong’s arm off of you before you stretch and slip out of it, Joong way too out of it to even care. By the time you make it outside, Mingi is standing at the bathroom doorway, holding onto his stomach. You ask him if he’s okay and he winces, telling you he’s unsure if he’s got more left in him. You gently push him back to his room to rest before you’re cleaning the bathroom and washing up for the day. You cook a good meal for the boys, arranging a plate for your boyfriend. By the time that you’ve set the food out and cleaned up, Hongjoong is awake, but also struggling to move much.

“God, I’m so fucking hungover.” He mumbles and groans, barely able to look you in the eye.

“Eat.” You set the breakfast on his table.

“You made breakfast?”

“Yeah, cause both you and Mingi sound terrible right now.”

“Baby.” He sits up to drink water before pulling you in between his legs. “Thank you, but you didn’t have to.”

“It’s fine.” You try to push off, but he doesn’t let you go anywhere.

“Hey. I’m sorry about yesterday.”

“It’s fine, Joong.”

“You don’t seem like you’re fine.”

“It’s fine. I’ll text you from now on if I’m gonna be late. I just don’t need you getting mad at me for that.” He hums against your chest and continues to hold you without saying much. So, you stand and wrap your arms around him, letting out a sigh in hopes that all the pent-up frustration would leave, too.

“You’re so good to me.”

“I hope so.” You look down at him, swallowing the lump in your throat. You truly hope you are good to him. At least, you hope he genuinely believes so because it’s so easy to feel like you aren’t, like you aren’t doing enough, especially when Joong gets like that.

Though over time, you believe he meant it, for the most part. Hongjoong is better, but that doesn’t mean the arguments have settled completely. The moments they do spring up, he’s back to his ways of keeping silent and brushing you off, or leaving you behind. He comes back late, slipping into bed before pulling you close and whispering his apologies into your ear.

It’s a never-ending cycle, a circle, but you take it because Joong is what you’ve known, Joong is your other half. You take it because Joong is your home, and that maybe, this was just a silly little phase. Something you two will eventually grow out of.

A little bump in the road, a hill to overcome. As with any relationship.

A weekend full of fun activities eventually makes way, one that universities in your town and neighboring cities always look forward to. It’s the one weekend where all campuses get together for a full day of music, food and friendly competition before partying the night away at a local venue. This year the event was going to be held in the next city over, about an hour drive down. You, Hongjoong and your friends had packed up all your things and drove separately— you with Joong, Wooyoung with Yunho and Ara, San with Mingi.

As soon as you all arrive at the hotel, you unpack and grab dinner before heading to bed for the festivities the next day that started bright and early. You knew you were gonna have tons of fun this weekend, but you didn’t expect it to be the same weekend that you’d be tested; that your relationship would be riding its downhill course yet again.

Your group, along with other familiar faces, stayed during the majority of the day’s events. You and Wooyoung ran into a lot of people you knew growing up, catching up while standing in line for snacks and food, or in between the games happening out on the field. So did Joong.

And he was his usual self, happily introducing you to people you hadn’t met before and vice versa. He kept you to his hip whenever he could, peppering you with kisses, dancing around and having fun like the Hongjoong you first fell in love with. A lot of it felt like old times, like there wasn’t a care in the world. It had just been you and him, through rose-tinted glasses.

When it’s time for the afterparty, you and your friends do a shit ton of pre-gaming before heading out to the venue across the street. The coordinators and the huge security team keep a single file line organized right outside of the doors until opening, allowing the venue to be flooded with people right at 8pm on the dot. You hang onto Joong, afraid you’ll lose him in the sea of people, with your friends around you until you find a good spot on the dance floor. No one wastes any time once you settle on a spot— you working your hips on Hongjoong while he holds you close, while San and Ara are also indulging in each other and Wooyoung is pulling random girls to dance. At some point, Yunho and Mingi run over to grab some drinks for everyone to sip on, the DJ’s setlist continuing to hit all the right spots.

“Baby.” Hongjoong says, arm around your waist while he leans in by your ear. “I’m gonna go find Jisung. He said he just got here.”

“Okay. Tell him I said hi.” He pulls away to look at you and smiles, brushing your hair back.

“I will. Be back? Be good?” He chuckles while you nod, planting a sweet kiss to your lips.

For awhile, Hongjoong is gone long enough that you’re not sure if he ever found Jisung. You start exploring around the dance floor, greeting people you know again before heading off to the spacious hallway that leads to the bathrooms and water fountains. Lots of people are standing around and talking, which makes it a bit harder for you to find him. You eventually do though, and you almost wished you hadn’t at that exact moment, at that exact time.

The exact moment when Tara pulls him in for a hug, keeping her arms around his waist while he looks down at her with a fond smile. He laughs loudly while she continues to talk to him, the grip around his waist clearly not loosening any time soon. He throws an arm around her shoulder and pulls her in for another hug; keeping her there for a bit before she finally pulls back and parts from him. 

You head towards his direction, his eyes instantly landing on you when you get closer. He gives you the same fond smile, before pulling you in and hugging you close. You swear you could still smell her perfume on his clothes and it gives you the ick.

“I didn’t know Tara was here, too.” You say, even though you should’ve expected it with all the schools invited. You should’ve known she was bound to be here, especially with Jisung being around.

“Yeah, and?”

“Nothing, nevermind.”

“No, I know you. What are you catching an attitude about? Because I said hi?” He furrows his brows at you and pulls away.

“It’s not even that—” You’re not even sure how to explain yourself, because how do you tell him she makes you uncomfortable without getting accused of being jealous? You know Hongjoong would instantly get upset, thinking you don’t trust him enough to be around his ex. That’s not the case at all. It’s just something about her that makes you feel.. off, and you can’t exactly put your finger on it. It’s probably the way they’re so up and down sometimes, you can’t tell if Hongjoong wants to keep her in his life or not. It makes you wonder how “awful” their breakup truly was.

But yeah, right now, you are kinda mad about how she hugged him and kept him close. He let that happen, too. 

“Just because she’s here, you wanna ruin a good night? Be for real, Y/N. All you fucking do is trip over stupid shit.” He says, alcohol surely not helping in this case.

“I’m trippin’ over stupid shit?”

“Yeah, you are! It’s so fucking unnecessary when you act like that. I was just catching up with Jisung and Tara happened to come by. I don’t know why you assume so many things right away. Nobody is putting those thoughts in your head, you do that to yourself.” Hongjoong harshly lets go of you before walking off and leaving you in the hallway. Yunho is just leaving the bathroom, catching you standing there with a sadness in your eyes that surely doesn’t fit the environment you guys are in right now. 

“Yo, you okay?” He throws an arm around you and brings you close, having to talk right in your ear because of the music blasting. You look up at him and shake your head, tears pricking your eyes while you sadly stand there with your arms tucked closely to your chest. “Woah, hey. What’s going on?”

“Tara.” Yunho lets out a small sigh as he frowns. He understands the anxiety that builds when she’s around. He knows their full story, and quite frankly, he’s iffy about the whole Tara thing, too. You clearly don’t know, but Yunho can tell your gut is telling you otherwise— that your instincts are making you defensive, making you overthink. He knows how serious their relationship was, but he also knew how much of a rollercoaster it was. How bad the breakup was, how weird they’ve been even post-break up. Hongjoong is a good guy, and he likes to think that he’d be smart enough [and grown enough] to move on from all that mess. “He’s fucking mad at me because I made a big deal out of it. I’m sorry I don’t want her around him.” 

“I’m sorry, that’s totally valid. He’s drunk and he’s being a dick. He’ll realize how stupid he’s being. Let him.” Yunho smiles and gives you a playful pinch on the cheek. “No crying allowed. Let’s go back to the dance floor, okay?”

“Bruh! I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Wooyoung grabs your wrist when he finally spots you and Yunho. “Don’t you hear the song they’re playing?! It’s our song!” You laugh, letting Yunho and Wooyoung guide you back to the dance floor. Once Yunho and Wooyoung have successfully brought you back to the dance floor, you’re able to brush off your feelings and forget the stupid drama for a bit. Wooyoung dances closely with you [like he always has], playfully singing around and laughing while simultaneously watching the crowd go crazy around you. Being around Wooyoung feels nice because you’re reminded of the good ol’ times. You’re reminded of the times you used to be so, so carefree and so full of life. You’re reminded of the times you didn’t have to worry about a single thing or feel so fucking anxious and frustrated. You’re reminded of the times when you and Wooyoung used to have tons of fun without a single weight on your shoulders.

Well, scratch that. You still do. It’s just a little different now.

During the remaining time you’re at the party, Hongjoong doesn’t return to you even once. And you know he’s hanging out with Jisung. Probably other childhood friends. Definitely Tara. And your suspicions are confirmed when you excuse yourself from dancing with your bestfriend and a few others to grab water, finding Hongjoong laughing and in good spirits with Jisung, Tara and another friend. There’s a look in his eyes when he looks down at her, and it makes your stomach twist.

Of course.

You’re not really sure why that’s the last straw, it’s not like he was doing anything out in the open with her. He would never do anything, you think. Even if you haven’t seen him throughout the night, he would never. But, it’s definitely the fact that he chose to spend his time with them [her] knowing how you felt.

And that shit is fucked up. You’re hurt.

You make contact with him and roll your eyes, shaking your head right before you take a big swig of water and head out the doors. Before you know it, you’re outside, pushing through the random groups lingering to get fresh air. Luckily, the hotel is a short walk across the street. But, you’re not even sure if you should call Wooyoung and take your things into his shared room with Ara and Yunho because you truly don’t want to be around Hongjoong if he was gonna be like that.

“Fuck.” Hongjoong mumbles to himself. Jisung follows his eyes, watching as you storm out of the venue alone.

“Uh, is she good?” Tara can’t help but look over either, heart sinking when she realizes Hongjoong is about to run after you. Because yeah, she has history with him, and she knows deep down that part of Hongjoong still has a grip on it. Just like she does.

“I’ll catch up with you later, alright?” Is all Hongjoong says before bidding them farewell to chase after you.

“Of course.”

“Tara.” Jisung gently scolds her through his tone. “I know that shit has always been complicated, but I need you to let him be.”

“Okay, Jisung. I’m not even saying anything. It’s just annoying how we can’t even be friends.”

“It’s never just that with you two and you know it.” She looks at Jisung and remains quiet, not having a rebuttal.

She knows, she knows.

Meanwhile, Hongjoong pauses in his steps and searches for your familiar figure. More people have piled outside, making it a bit harder for him to navigate through the crowds. Once he leaves the entrance and finds himself on the street, he sees you nearing the crosswalk.

“Baby, baby.” You hear Hongjoong behind you, footsteps getting louder as he picks up his pace to catch up with you. “Baby, wait. I’m sorry.” He repeats when he grabs your wrist, but you’re quick to snatch it out of his grip.

“Hongjoong, go back to the party. Looks like you were having a fucking blast anyway.”

“No, I don’t want to.” He attempts to grab you again but you’ve moved out of his reach.

“And I don’t want you here.” You sharply look at him. “Just go back with your friends. I’m sure Tara’s looking for you, too.”

“I don’t give a fuck! I wanna be with you.” 

“If you actually wanted to spend time with me, then you would’ve done that a long time ago.” You feel the tears threatening to spill from your bottom lid as you continue to walk across the street to the hotel. You keep your distance from Hongjoong, genuinely wanting to be alone and away from him for a moment— but he doesn’t understand and he won’t. Because he’s selfish, and the moment he realizes you’re slipping from his grip, he panics. 

Saying and throwing everything your way just to get you calm, to not have you be mad. 

“I didn’t mean to get upset at you, it’s just frustrating—”

“I really don’t wanna do this right now, okay? I left alone for a reason.”

“Can you just listen to me for a second?”

“I don’t want to!” You push away from him once again, picking up your pace. “Hongjoong, just go back to your friends. For the love of god, I don’t wanna be around you right now. You fucking knew how I felt about the entire thing yet you still spent time with her and your friends. And you got mad at me for voicing those feelings! God forbid I feel that way about her.” You snap. “I don’t wanna do this anymore. I’m so fucking tired of fighting with you, all we do is—” He comes around and tries to stop you in your tracks, hands on your arms as he tries to pull you close.

“No, baby. You don’t mean that. I’m trying here! What do you want me to do?!” His voice slightly raises.

“You’re trying?! Funny cause you had hella shit to say to me at the party. Don’t try and flip the switch now.”

“I didn’t mean it, fuck!” He groans, attempting to stop you from walking any further again. His tone is loud enough to catch the attention of a couple walking past, eyes fixed on the scene until Hongjoong lowers his voice. “I just got frustrated and I’m sorry, okay? Please don’t leave. Let me make this up to you.”

“You don’t even know what the hell you’re sorry for!” You continue to raise your voice before storming up into the lobby, straight to the elevators.

“Yes I do!”  He rushes into the elevator with you, and you tuck yourself into the corner. But of course, in a very typical Hongjoong manner, he cages you in, hands resting on the rails while his face barely ghosts yours. “I fucked up, and I didn’t mean to discredit your feelings. I want you to know that I don’t care about Tara. That shit is all in the past. It gets frustrating because I would never do anything to lose you, Y/N. I just need you to trust me. Why don’t you trust me?”

“Joong, I don’t get why you can’t just cut her off. She’s your ex for a reason. I don’t understand it. I just don’t feel comfortable with it, and I’m sorry—”

“I know, baby. If you want me to cut her off, I will. I wanna make up for this and prove it to you.” You let out a breath. “No one else matters to me.” Silence. You aren’t really sure what to say. What can you say? Was it wrong for you to ask him to cut her off?

If not, why do you feel guilty about it? Why do you feel so fucking wrong for doing that? For making it a ‘big deal,’ for voicing your uncomfortability?

“You didn’t have to come after me and miss the party.” You don’t really know what else to say. You’re tired and you’re over it, so you do what you do best in these scenarios: try to physically push him away from you and keep him at bay.

“Stop pushing me away. Baby, please.” He shakes his head and almost whines, cupping your face. “I don’t care about the party. I don’t care about any of them. Why can’t you trust me?” And it’s that stupid fucking look Hongjoong gives you that makes you melt, makes you weak in the knees. He looks at you in a way that reassures you, in a way that tells you how special you are; a way that says you’re mine and only mine.

And it gets you every single time. 

You let out a shaky breath when his thumb caresses the surface, lips a few inches away from yours.

“Don’t push me away. I’m sorry, I’ll make this better. You can trust me.” He repeats. You don’t respond besides a simple nod, giving him leverage to press a chaste kiss to your lips as the elevator doors open. 

Hongjoong is home to you, which is why you trust him to make it better, to keep you safe.

That night, Hongjoong takes you into the room and shows you his way of making up for it, of taking care of you, of showing you all that matters is you. You slip into the shower, eventually letting Joong join and take you inside. He carefully calculates every move, every kiss, every touch; making sure to whisper and mark your skin with his repeated apologies. And it doesn’t stop there, no. You get yourself ready for bed, throwing on one of Joong’s shirts before slipping under the covers. He shuts off the lights when he’s finished, getting in next to you. Innocent cuddles and kisses eventually turn into Joong taking you from behind; pounding into you while he pulls your hair and whispers sweet nothings in your ear.

No one else matters to me.

You’re perfect.

Made for me.

My good girl.

And you take it all, letting the love consume you all over again. Because for a while after this, things felt beautiful again. You felt like you were back in your honeymoon-cloud nine phase with Hongjoong— sharing laughs and jokes, holding each other close while kissing each other every chance you get. He’d make love to you like the last day on Earth was tomorrow, souls intertwining and never wanting to be apart from you.

Things were good, until they weren’t.

There comes a day when you realize he hasn’t actually cut Tara off, and your anxiety spikes again. There comes a day when all those shitty feelings return, and it makes you question if there was any meaning behind everything Hongjoong said, did.

You sat on Hongjoong’s bed, reading through a chapter of a book for class. He’s out in the hallway grabbing his clothes from the dryer when his phone dings a few times, your eyes shooting to the screen sitting on the nightstand. You used to think it was kinda nice that Hongjoong always set his text previews to show up no matter what. Maybe it was a weird way of showing you that he didn’t have anything to hide, maybe it was a way of showing you that you didn’t need to question anything.

Now, you’re not so sure how to feel about it.

tara: hey. is it okay if i swing by and hang out with you guys?

tara: my aunt passed, and i just want to be away from home.

You do feel a bit bad for her. Losing a loved one is never easy, and she is good friends with San and Mingi, too. But, where is Jisung? Where are her other friends? Surely she has other friends she can rely on, right? You can’t help but fix on the funny feeling and the anxiety that bubbles in your gut seeing her name— anything to do with her. You’re not sure what it is, but Tara unsettles you, and you know it’s for a reason. Your instincts are telling you so.

“Who is it?” You flash his phone his way, a small frown on your lips.

“So much for cutting her off, Hongjoong.”

“I’m not even planning to respond to her.”

“Not my point.”

“I know you aren’t getting mad at me over some unanswered texts. I haven’t even talked to Tara since that night.” He glares at you. But if he hadn’t talked to her since that night, what makes her think it’s okay to ask for something like this?

“Why would you tell me you’d cut her off if you weren’t actually planning on doing so? And why do you sound so mad about it?” You’re tired of doing this, going in circles, having to explain your feelings over and over again.

“Oh my god.” He huffs. “We’re really at this again?”

“Because you don’t get it. It just feels weird.” 

“Mm, when I haven’t done anything.” He drops the basket onto the floor. “Since you wanna talk about ‘weird’ and bring this shit up again, what’s been going on with you and Wooyoung then?”

“Are you actually kidding me right now?” You scoff. “You’re not serious.”

“You know, I saw you that night of the party. The two of you dancing hella close. I’ve seen the way he is with you lately, too.”

“Wow.” You laugh pathetically because what is actually going on? Wooyoung had never been an issue, at least, Hongjoong has never vocalized it. Nor has Joong ever given you signs that he was becoming a problem. “You know we’re just close like that. It’s actually unbelievable that you’re comparing him to Tara right now.”

“Oh, bullshit! You expect me to believe that? That’s the shit that feels weird.” Hongjoong yells.

“Yes!” You match his tone. “Because we’ve been together for how long?! You know this. Why are you all of a sudden making this an issue? Wooyoung was never a problem—“

“To you, maybe.”

“And that’s my fault, how?! I can’t read your mind, Joong. You never told me you had issues about it.” You groan. “He’s just one of my best friends. I don’t know how else I’m supposed to prove that to you. I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Then, what the hell was he doing being all up on you? Leaning into your ear like that. Holding you close. Too fucking close.”

“We’ve always been that way! This isn’t anything new, and you know there isn’t a meaning behind it!” You yell, but you’re quick to crawl back into your shell when Hongjoong tosses a dish into the sink harshly before walking away from the kitchen. 

“Right.” He starts walking towards his bedroom and you follow behind. “It’s crazy how you make a big deal out of Tara when I keep her at a distance. I don’t do anything to make you uncomfortable, I make sure there’s clear boundaries.”

“That’s not the same, and you know it. Her being around is uncomfortable enough.”

“How is it different?”

“You’re kidding, right?” You cross your arms. “She wants to get back with you so fucking badly, Joong! How can you not see that? She doesn’t care about me, and you apparently don’t either!”

“Oh, I don’t? I cut her off like you asked me to even though there really wasn’t anything going on between us. Shit was fucking crazy to me, but I did it anyway.”

“What exactly does ‘cutting her off’ mean to you? Because she continues to call you and text you, asking you to be there for her when she has so many other people she can turn to. Why does it always have to be you saving the day? You just let it happen, too! You clearly would see her and let her visit when she needs you. You two aren’t together anymore!”

“So, how is this different from Wooyoung? Because every time something happens, you run to him. You ask for him all the time, you call and text him when you need someone. You choose him all the time.”

“No, I don’t! He’s not my ex-boyfriend, this is just how we are. I’ve known him for so long, he would never disrespect you. Why on earth would you ever think of us in that way? This is different because you and your ex have history. She obviously still loves you, and wants to continue feeling close to you. As soon as you’re vulnerable, she wants to swoop in and show you that she’s always been there. You don’t get it!”

“Fine, I don’t!” But Hongjoong does, he’s just matching your energy and the way you fire back makes him want to fire back even more. He yells and he slams his hand against the wall, making you flinch. He’s heated just as much as you are— it’s all in the heat of the moment. “If I ever asked you to cut Wooyoung off, would you?”

“No. I don’t have a reason to. That’s unfair and you know it.” He scoffs as he throws on his jacket and grabs his keys.

“Okay, whatever. Fuck this then.” He says, just as San and Mingi walk into the apartment— pausing mid-conversation at the chaos going on.

“That’s it?” You pause. “Hongjoong.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say to you, Y/N. I gave you what you wanted.”

“And I am too, I’ve been trying to tell you that you shouldn’t worry about Wooyoung.”

“And yet it still feels like you’d choose him over me if it ever came down to it!” His hand hits the wall and it causes you to step back.

“Woah, hold on. Hongjoong—'' Mingi cuts in when he hears Hongjoong yelling at you, also slightly appalled at the topic behind the argument. 

“Why do I even have to choose?!” You begin to cry more, aggressively wiping at your tears. He gives you one last look before he’s heading towards his shoes. “Hongjoong.” You call for him. “Where are you going?” He slides into his shoes, still not sparing you a look. “Hongjoong!”

“For a drive.” Is all he says before he’s heading out and slamming the door in your face. Mingi sighs as he sets his things down and tries to race after Hongjoong, while San sits you down and throws an arm around you to console you.

“What happened?”

“He’s getting mad at me cause Tara texted him.” San sighs. “Started talking about Wooyoung.”

He shakes his head. “I’m sorry Y/N, let him cool down.” You don’t say anything because you’re sick of fighting and you’re sick of his friends, your friends, genuinely apologizing on his behalf. It should have never gotten this deep, and your friends shouldn’t have to be involved. Yet, here they are. “He’s being a hothead. I know how you feel, and you shouldn’t have to explain the situation with Wooyoung after all this time.”

“Sannie, I’m so tired.” You cry into your hands. You truly are tired. You feel exhausted from this rollercoaster you’ve been riding for months. You’re not sure if Hongjoong feels too comfortable, or if he’s just losing sight of who you are to him, what this relationship means to him. And that is an awful feeling. “I’m so done fighting with him.”

“I know.” He rubs your arm and gives you a gentle squeeze. “Hongjoong just needs to realize how lucky he is to have someone like you by his side. For real. You do everything for him and you’re always there for him. I know he’s appreciative but he just needs to do better.” He lets out a breath. “We’ll try to talk some sense into him. Why don’t you lie down and get some rest?” You shake your head.

“I’m gonna go home.”

“Want me to drive you?”

“I’m gonna call Woo.” He nods, letting you go to give you some space. “Thank you, Sannie.”

“Of course.” He gives you a small, half-hearted smile. He feels terrible. He truly wishes Hongjoong would stop being so mean sometimes. It’s true; he does have a temper but it’s unfair for him to unload that on you for every little thing, every little inconvenience. You had been nothing but good and patient. Understanding.

“Yo?” Wooyoung picks up as you pack up your things.

“Woo, are you free right now? Can you come get me from Hongjoong’s?”

“Yeah, sure. You okay?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’ll be there in 10.” And with that, you hang up the call and continue to pack your things. Hongjoong and Mingi haven’t returned, and you’re relieved you don’t have to go explaining yourself if he were to walk in at this moment. Wooyoung arrives sharply in 10 minutes, texting you to come outside. You bid San farewell and hug him tightly, telling him to let Hongjoong know you’ve gone home if he ever asks. He simply nods before watching you leave, releasing a deep sigh as he heads to his room.

The car ride is quiet simply because Wooyoung can tell you’re having a bad night. The thing with Wooyoung [which is why he’s your bestfriend] is that he knows when he just needs to hold space for you and let you be in your peace. He doesn’t ask any questions, he doesn’t hound you for attention. He just lets you be the entire ride home. It’s not until you start breaking down again that he finally feels ready to ask, especially because he hates seeing you this way.

“Y/N, what is it?” Wooyoung lets out a breath when he sees you breaking down in the passenger’s seat. “Come on, let’s get inside first. Okay?” He says, hand coming to rub your back. You don’t respond so Wooyoung takes it upon himself to step out first before coming to your aid on the passenger’s side. He crouches to your level and unbuckles the seatbelt, wiping your tears away before getting you to walk to the apartment. He heads to the kitchen to grab you some water while you change and get into bed.

Wooyoung hears you quietly sniffling and crying to yourself, and he knows he can’t just leave you here like this. So, he places the water down, slips into your bed and holds you, telling you that things will be okay. To anyone, this probably would’ve looked incredibly wrong, and Hongjoong probably would’ve beaten his ass if he knew. But he doesn’t care; because Wooyoung will always do anything for you, especially after all the times you’ve dropped everything to be there for him without asking for shit in return. He cherishes you as his bestfriend and he will always put you first—

That goes to say, Wooyoung would never disrespect Hongjoong. He knows better than that, and if Hongjoong had a problem with him, he’d gladly talk it out and reassure him. Well, he’d at least hope Hongjoong was grown enough to do that.

But if not, then he thinks that's his own damn problem and his own damn fault for assuming and putting shit into his own head. Wooyoung has known you for so long that things like this— platonically laying in bed, consoling and being there for each other— comes so naturally. It doesn’t mean he’s trying to make a move on you [god, no], everyone knows that.

Except Hongjoong, I guess. It’s funny how he tries to flip the script on you when he knows exactly what he’s doing.

It’s kinda stupid, Wooyoung thinks. He should really know better after dating you for over a year at this point. He should really know better, period.

Right now though, you need him and that’s what he’s here for. He continues to quietly shush you and ease you to sleep, phone constantly vibrating and going off on the table. It’s not until he hears your soft snores that he carefully moves to grab your phone and attempt to turn it off, eyes glancing over Hongjoong’s texts and missed call notifications.

hongjoong: where are you?

hongjoong: y/n

hongjoong: assuming you’re with wooyoung

hongjoong: wow really, y/n? after tonight, too? of course you’d run straight to wooyoung

hongjoong: fuck this, whatever

Wooyoung scoffs to himself a bit, the audacity of Hongjoong for being so fucking upset over nothing. Don’t get him wrong. Wooyoung loves seeing you happy. It’s all he wants. And he loved Hongjoong for you. He really did. He thought you two were perfect and actually made for each other.

But, over time, he’s starting to question his thoughts, if he still stands in the same place he did a year ago. Because all this crying, this back and forth, nights of having to come save you; he sees you slowly changing. The light in your eyes dimming. Life slowly being sucked out of you. You aren’t the same bright, fun, loud Y/N you used to be and Wooyoung hates it when he really thinks about it. As the cherry on top [which Wooyoung also hates to admit], everything is becoming way too unhealthy. It’s the way that Hongjoong’s temper gets the best of him, the way all of your friends get involved one way or another. The way this will probably blow over tomorrow, and you and Hongjoong will go about your day like nothing happened.

What’s gonna be left of this?

What’s gonna be left of you?

Wooyoung feels his own phone vibrate, and it’s a text from Yunho. Granted, he kinda saw this coming. But again, he hates that this is what your relationship has become.

yunho: is y/n with you? hongjoong’s wondering where she’s at

wooyoung: where the fuck else would she be?

wooyoung: she’s at home, sleeping

wooyoung: had to pick her up cause she called crying after their argument

yunho: they fought again? over what?

wooyoung: idk but reading his texts, it sounds like part of it was about me

yunho: wtf why? i dont get it?

wooyoung: you and me both

yunho: alright well ill let him know shes safe and asleep. text me if u need me

wooyoung: thanks

wooyoung: also, tell him he can ask me directly next time. i’m not hiding anything, nor is y/n. bold of him to assume shit

He lets out a hefty sigh before setting his phone aside and slipping deeper into your covers, turning onto his side to give you some space.

When the following morning comes, Wooyoung wakes up to your hand on his arm as you reach over to grab your phone. He groans a bit, tugging on the sheets while you sit up and read through Hongjoong’s texts from last night.

“Fucking idiot.” He hears you mutter. As much as he wants to sleep in a little more, he can’t help but worry about you. So, he turns over and sees your fingers pinching at your bottom lip while you continue to read the texts— obvious the tears are building up the more that you do.

“Y/N, what the hell did you guys fight about last night?”

“It was so stupid.”

“Yeah, you’ve said that before.” You look at him and drop your phone, head resting back against the headboard.

“It started because Tara texted him asking if she could swing by for some company since her aunt passed. I got mad at him for it because I swear to god, she’s trying so hard to get back with him and he just lets it happen. I know he’d continue to help her and be there for her even though she has other friends she can rely on. Why does it have to be Hongjoong every fucking time?” You groan, tears already streaming down your cheeks. “And then he started attacking me about you, a-and—” You cry. “It’s unfair. It’s not the same, I don’t know why he’s suddenly making an issue about us or whatever, but it’s not the same and I thought he knew that. He was making me choose, saying I’d probably choose you at the end of the day and that I—”

“What a piece of shit.” Wooyoung says before sitting up and pulling you into a hug. “Nah, I get it. You don’t have to explain the rest.”

“It’s so stupid. Why would he say that when he knows it’s not the same? Tara’s his ex-girlfriend, why doesn’t he see it the way I do?”

“Because he knows he’s wrong and he doesn’t wanna admit it, Y/N. He’s looking for other things to pick at and blame. Deflecting.”

“I’m so done with him getting mad at me like this. I asked him to cut her off for a reason.” You pull away from him and wipe the remaining tears from your face. “I asked him to cut her off because she clearly didn’t give a fuck about me or our relationship. That girl knows no boundaries. She makes me feel anxious and I fucking hate it.”

“And you were right to do so.” You sigh.

“I feel like I’m never winning with him anymore.” You say quietly, defeatedly. “It just never feels like enough.”

“Don’t say shit like that. You’re doing more than enough, he’s just being dumb.” He sighs. “Are you going to talk to him?”

“I don’t know. Maybe later. I just need a moment to myself, I guess.”

“Take your time with it. Talk to him when you’re ready. Don’t let him determine that for you.”

“I know. Thanks for last night.” He gives you a small smile.

“I got you, always. And for the record, I know you’d choose me in the end.”

“Shut up.” You chuckle as you wipe at the stragglers running down your cheeks before pushing him out of your bed.

“Ow.” He pouts and whines. “Why would you hurt me?”

“I need to shower.”

“You should.” You smack him upside the head when you finally stand from your bed and grab a set of new clothes. 

“Are you at least feeling better?”

“Kinda? Sleep did me well for sure.”

“It’s cause of me.”

“Wooyoung, I will—” He bites you on the shoulder with a loud laugh, causing you to yell and curse at him this early in the morning. Luckily, your roommate wasn’t home and was off at her internship. But goodness, does your bestfriend drives you nuts. Can’t live with him, can’t live without him.

Once Wooyoung leaves, you take a bit more time just to be in your own peace. You deep clean your room and the rest of the apartment, while playing some soft music in the background. Hongjoong’s call is what interrupts the music coming through your bluetooth speakers, sighing as you disconnect it and pick up the call. He asks if he can come over and talk, and you agree to let him swing by. You aren’t feeling 100% but you are feeling better enough to try and talk to him.

It doesn’t take more than 15 minutes before Hongjoong is walking through your door, kicking off his shoes and setting his wallet and keys off to the side of the dining table. He finds you sorting through some extra prints you’ve kept hidden in your desk drawer, your back turned to him even as he walks in and greets you.

“Hey.” Is all he says, sitting on the edge of your bed.

“Hi.” You turn to him, setting the prints aside.

“Hanging up more?”

“I don’t know yet. I bought these awhile ago and they’ve been sitting in my drawer. I need to figure out how I wanna put them up.” He leans back on his hands and nods. Even throughout all the stupid shit you and Hongjoong have been fighting about, you still find him to be the most handsome, the most charming; it truly makes your heart flutter every time you see him. He’s in a plain white tee and sweats, hair freshly washed and still a bit damp. The tattoo on his arm is poking out from underneath his sleeve and it drives you insane how attractive your boyfriend is.

“Mm.” He hums. “Did you sleep well?”

“Slept well enough.” You look at him. “What about you?”

“I slept alright. Was worried about where you were at.”

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else but my place, Joong. You know that.”

“With Wooyoung?” You look at him and let out a sigh, crossing your arms as you feel the anger within you grow again.

“Look, if you came here to argue some more, I don’t—”

“I’m not here to argue. I asked a simple question, Y/N.”

“Yes, he was here. But I don’t see why that would be an issue compared to Tara asking to come over.” He licks his lips, but he doesn’t say anything. Just nods. 

“She just needs her friends.”

“So do I, but you don’t see me leaning on my ex for that kind of company.” 

“We were good friends before we even dated.”

“But you dated, and that’s the shit she’s holding onto. As with anybody.” You roll your eyes. “I guess you did come here to argue.” He shakes his head.

“No. Forget it, I’m sorry.” Is all he says.

“Sorry for what?” You hate that you always have to ask him this because lately, it’s been feeling like he doesn’t even know what he’s apologizing for. Like he’s just apologizing to apologize and move past it. “You do understand where I’m coming from, right? Tara’s your ex-girlfriend and I asked you to cut her off for a reason. Wooyoung and I have been bestfriends for years, and we’ve never been anything more than that. We’re just used to being there for each other and having each other’s backs. It’s natural for us. It doesn’t always have to have a hidden meaning, Hongjoong. Don’t make me choose because it’s not the same thing. Why would you do that? Why would you get upset at me for assuming when you’re doing the same thing about my bestfriend?”

“I hear you. I truthfully don’t wanna fight about this anymore.” He runs his hand through his hair. “I cut her off, alright? Told her she couldn’t do that and expect me to be there for her anymore.” He lets out a heavy sigh as if it was a chore to do, as if he didn’t want to but had no choice.

“Hm.” You hum. It’s not that you don’t trust him, you just don’t trust her. But part of you has also begun to wonder if you could truly be comfortable with his responses— if you could sit back and relax, take it for what it is. It’s complicated. Too complicated for something that started off so simple and beautiful. So beautifully simple.

“Baby.” He calls you as he stands. “Can you come here, please? Look at me.”

“Hongjoong, I just don’t know what to say.” He holds you by the waist, hand on the small of your back while he kisses your forehead, temple.

“Trust me.” He slightly frowns. “I need you to trust me because I would never do anything to lose you, remember? Baby, nothing else matters.” 

“Then trust me. Wooyoung would never disrespect you like that and I thought you knew that.” He nods.

“Yeah, I know. I was just upset.” He kisses you on the lips. “I’ll do better.”

And since that moment, Hongjoong was better. Really better. The feelings you felt during the beginning of your relationship with Hongjoong felt like they’ve returned. Hongjoong was good, so, so good to you— it was easy to trust him again and feel safe. He worked on building a safer space for you after the back and forth about Tara, making you feel like he truly understood you and wanted this relationship to flourish like it used to. He cared about you, and he loved you.

Little did you know that this would all come crumbling down in the future. All of it.

The hope that this would eventually pass, that it was just a bump in the road, dwindled when Hongjoong had reverted to his old ways—

You should’ve known it wouldn’t last.

But it breaks you, constantly breaks you, because at this point, you’re convinced it’ll never change. 

Not anymore.

“Wooyoung’s graduation party is that weekend. He had to push it out so his family could travel over.” You say, washing your bowl in the sink before plopping back down on the couch with him.

“So you’re not gonna come with me to Jisung’s graduation?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t.”

“Can’t you at least stop by then go to Wooyoung’s?”

“No, because I told his parents I’d help get everything together, Joong.” You furrow your brows because you already know he’s angry, even though this has absolutely nothing to do with him.

“Alright.” Is all he says, continue to scroll through his phone.

“You’re not mad, are you?”

“I mean, I just wanted you to come along for a bit. I don’t understand why can’t do that, but I guess it’s cause of Wooyoung.” He looks at you again. “I should’ve expected that.”

“Hongjoong.” You call his name with a certain tone, one that says you don’t wanna revisit this so-called issue again.

“What, am I wrong?” He chuckles, but there’s an obvious drip of anger, of venom, in it. “Do you, Y/N.”

“Why are you being like that? I thought you would’ve understood by now.”

“Yeah, I have. It was always going to be Wooyoung anyway, so what the fuck is the point?” 

“Why are we back here again? Why do I have to keep explaining myself to you? It’s not that I don’t wanna go to Jisung’s, I just promised Wooyoung and his parents I’d be there.”

“I’m sure an hour or so wouldn’t hurt.”

“Oh my god.” You run your hands through your hair and get up from the couch, heading into his room. “I know that’s not what you’re really trying to get at.”

“It’s true though, right? You’re just choosing Wooyoung like you always do. You’re right, maybe I should just stop because in the end it doesn’t matter. I always put you first, I do everything for you and I always take you into consideration. Everything is about you, and you never do the same—”

“I never do the same?!” You match his tone. The disbelief running through you is unbearable. You’re just not sure how Hongjoong has the audacity to say something like that when you’re always thinking about him and putting your own feelings aside to keep him happy.

But you would never hang that over his head like he does with you.

“You know that’s not true! I appreciate everything you do for me, but you don’t get to hang it over my head like that because I would never do that to you. I would never make you feel guilty about the things I do for you, or make you feel like you’re an obligation.”

“You make me feel that way all the time!” He yells. “You don’t even realize how much you do.”

“Oh, because of Tara? So sorry that was such a fucking tragedy for you!” He groans loudly before hitting the wall.

“For real, fuck this. Count me out of your graduation, too. I’m not doing this shit.”

“Hongjoong, what the fuck is your problem? My own graduation?”

“I don’t wanna do this anymore, Y/N! What the fuck is the point!” He repeats. The words cut through you like a sharp knife because damn, you weren’t expecting that out of this.

“Okay, you know what, Joong. I’m not gonna keep arguing about this with you. Do whatever the hell you want, call me selfish, whatever. I made a promise to my bestfriend and his family and I’m not going back on my word.” You pack up your things and head out the door, not taking one look at him.

“Yeah, whatever. Done with this bullshit.” He slams his room door, causing the walls to shake.

You cried when you got home that evening, but you weren’t crying because of the shit he said, the things he pulled, no. You were crying because you were exhausted and you felt like you had nothing left in you anymore. You didn’t have the energy to keep fighting back, you didn’t have the energy to explain yourself. You shouldn’t have to, and you don’t want to.

Was it wrong to turn down Jisung’s graduation for your bestfriend?

When you said you had no energy, you truly meant it, and Hongjoong clearly did, too. The both of you hadn’t texted or called, let alone seen each other in those two weeks. You weren’t really sure what Hongjoong was up to, but you couldn’t think about much while wrapping up senior year and getting ready for graduation around the corner. Maybe the break was needed, maybe you two really needed the space.

You honestly would’ve thought this was the end of you two. 

He manages to prove you and everyone wrong again when he shows up to your graduation, with a big bouquet in hand. Wooyoung nudges you when he catches him across the street, walking over with San, Mingi, Jisung and a few other of their guy friends [who are probably here for Yunho]. He’s dressed in a dark grey short-sleeve dress shirt that’s loosely tucked into his black slacks with black boots. Your parents catch him on their way over to the field to get to their seats, pulling him into a tight hug before pointing over at you, Wooyoung, Ara and Yunho. Your parents [or his] never really knew the extent of your fights, which is why everything seems so fine and dandy in their eyes. Rose-tinted glasses, glitter and gold.

“Congrats!” San yells, hugging all of you before Mingi and the rest make their way around the group.

“You’re here.” You look at him with a slight fondness in your eyes because even though the past weeks have been a mess, Hongjoong still makes you weak. He gives you a tiny smile before pulling you in for a tight hug.

“I missed you. I’m sorry.” He mumbles against your temple before giving you a kiss. “Congrats, my pretty girl.” He tilts your chin up to press a kiss against your lips. 

“Thank you, Joong.” He gives you another chaste kiss to the temple before they bid their farewells and rush to the field, the commencement ceremony scheduled to start in a few minutes. 

It was a hot day, but nonetheless, a happy day. You felt happy finally getting through college and graduation with your bestfriends alongside of you. Your parents and Hongjoong stand near the stage to snap photos of you as you walk across and grab your diploma, the crowd roaring in celebration. After the ceremony, you, your friends, their families and loved ones all take hours to take photos together before agreeing to eat at a nearby restaurant together for a small, but intimate way to close the day. You would have never known that things had gone awry with you and Hongjoong with the way he lovingly held you, kissed you, kept you close. Though deep down, it was still hurtful to know that this wouldn’t last. That you’d have to accept the fact that this was only temporary.

Hongjoong’s graduation followed the next weekend, and you ended up heading to Jisung’s for a bit before helping with Wooyoung’s party. Wooyoung didn’t really like the idea, and you had apologized for going back on your promise of sticking with him throughout the entire party. But it happened anyway, even if Hongjoong dropped you off to head to Jisung’s party without you.

As long as you were okay, as long as you had stopped crying and feeling so shitty, Wooyoung was okay. Even though he really couldn’t stand what this had become.

But if Wooyoung could save your world from crumbling just a little bit longer, he’ll do that. 

Fuck the rest.

—CURRENT

“My birthday baby.” Hongjoong squeezes at your hips before biting onto his bottom lip, eyes ogling your dress and how it hugs you in all the right places, fits perfectly over your curves.

“Hi.” You smile up at him, hands lazily hanging around his neck.

“You’re so beautiful, love.” He says softly, kissing the tip of your nose before moving down to your lips. Jaw. Neck. You giggle in his grip, gently pushing him back by the chest. “I love you.”

“Thank you. I love you, too.” You smile lovingly at him.

“Ready to go? I think everyone’s waiting for the birthday girl to arrive.” You laugh and nod, letting him lead the way to his car.

You and Hongjoong had a good talk about your relationship and where things stood, being able to communicate properly about your needs, wants, giving each other space and letting the other be their own person. There was a tiny conversation about his current status with Tara, and he vaguely told you that they were back to being friends but he swore up and down that it was just.. that. He told you honestly that he wasn’t sure why he had to cut her off when there wasn’t anything going on between them, and that he felt like he didn’t need to. That you needed to trust him and he’d have no problem reassuring you.

So, that was it. And it worked well. It was a bit of adjustment at first, but you knew giving Hongjoong the space he needed was crucial— just as it was for you. You had stopped coming along to every single party or hangout back at home, only seeing his parents from time to time unless they visited Joong at his apartment. It was the same with your family; yet again, none of them knowing what kind of rollercoaster had gone on in your relationship during the past two years.

They just took it as you two evolving in your relationship, keeping things healthy. Alive.

They barely knew about all the nights you cried, you yelled, breaking dishes and cups; having Wooyoung come and save you while Hongjoong stormed off.

You suppose it’s better that way. In the end, you two were still growing and learning. Maybe.

You ended up renting a small studio in the heart of the city after snagging a job right after graduation. Hongjoong and San moved into another place of their own, while Mingi moved back home to help his family and work for their company while he continued his job search. Wooyoung also lived in the heart of the city, renting an in-law while he worked his part-time job and internship at a bigger company. Everything seemed to be going well for everyone, and you couldn’t have asked for more at this point. It seemed too good at one point, but you weren’t going to dwell on it; taking everything for what it is.

The club you decided to celebrate your birthday at is packed with people, but you’re able to easily slip in since Wooyoung, Hongjoong and the rest of your friends chipped in for a VIP table. The DJ was already blasting his music, while you and your friends were off to a quick start with shots. It didn’t take long before you were drunk and dancing the night away with everyone, with Hongjoong— sharing cute, affectionate moments in between. It’s not until he steps away with San to grab another drink at the bar that Mingi swoops you away and playfully dances around with you for a bit; this being the very moment when everything changed.

When your world came crumbling down in one quick, swift motion.

“Dude, to be honest.” Mingi lazily keeps his arm around your shoulder while leaning in towards your ear. “I didn’t know if you and Hongjoong would actually make it through.”

“We had our rough patches, Mangi. I wasn’t sure what things would look like either, but we’re here.” You smile at him and he laughs.

“I know, I know. It’s just.. he had been with Tara a lot. It was confusing.” You furrow your brows at him. “But, I’m glad you two are okay and back to being good. Like.. I’m glad he’s with you. I know he can be dumb but I’m glad it’s you. You’re good for him, sometimes I don’t think he realizes it.” You’re a little appalled at the stuff coming out of Mingi’s mouth, and half of you wants to blame it all on the alcohol. Though, you know you can’t because where on earth would Mingi come up with this? Shit doesn’t just form out of thin air.

“Uh, yeah. I hope so.” Is all you respond with before he pinches your cheek and leaves.

“There she is.” Hongjoong finds you in the crowd, another glass in his hand. “Taste this, it’s so good.” You sip on the drink and nod in approval.

“Thanks, babe.” He gives you a look.

“You okay, baby girl?” 

“Yeah, I’m good.” You swallow the lump in your throat. “Have you seen Ara? I need to go to the bathroom.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” His tilts your chin up.

“Yeah, I just really need to pee and freshen up.” He slowly nods.

“She’s with San over there.” He points behind you, where you find Ara and San flirting around like they always do. “Seems kinda busy though? I can wait for you outside the bathroom.”

“No Joong, it’s fine. I’ll be alright. I’ll be quick.” You give him a small smile, and he finally lets up with a quick kiss to your forehead and a quick ass-grab. You interrupt San and Ara, letting them know you need her to accompany you to the bathroom. She agrees, linking her arm with yours, but just like Wooyoung, she can tell something else is wrong. Who knows, maybe Hongjoong is onto you too, but you could care less because you don’t know how to confront him about this.

Nor do you want to on your birthday.

“My birthday girl! Are you drunk enough? Why do you look so sober?”

“It’s nothing.” She looks at you and holds you close to her side. “I just need some space.” Quite frankly, you just need her company more than anything. You just need somebody other than Hongjoong.

“Why? Did something happen with Hongjoong?”

“Mm, no.” You lie. You lie to her, you lie to yourself. You lie and you lie in hopes that it’ll ease the pain slowly seeping into your body, in hopes it’ll somehow make things easier for you to accept the harsh reality of your relationship.

Of your home.

“You sure? Do you wanna sneak out of here and go back to my place? You can tell me anything, you know that, right?” You nod. “Or do you want me to get Woo?”

“No, no. It’s okay. I’m just gonna freshen up and head back out there. Thanks for coming with me.” She smiles and squeezes your arm as you two move to the front of the bathroom line.

“Of course, my love!” She chuckles. “I’m glad you did because I didn’t realize how badly I needed to pee.” You laugh, resting your head against hers until a stall opens up for you two to squeeze in and share.

The rest of the night, you’re distancing yourself from Hongjoong enough so that you can still enjoy the night, but not keep him too close. It’s fucking painful to hear Mingi’s words repeatedly in your head, and even though you don’t have concrete evidence to back it up, you already know it’s not needed. You just know, and that is the worst feeling. And this— this is the same gut-wrenching anxiety that you’ve always felt every time she was around, every time you saw her name randomly pop up. It’s the same feeling in your gut, the same feeling that was telling you something was wrong,

Hongjoong doesn’t catch onto anything else, or at least, he doesn’t question you. Instead he has his hand on your thigh and showers you with kisses, oblivious to the fact that Mingi might have just knocked over and spilled his jar of secrets. The apartment is quiet since San is out grabbing food with a few others, giving Hongjoong leverage to kiss you in the living room— his urge, his need, evident through his touch, the deepening of the kiss, Hongjoong pushing himself up against you. But you break the kiss with a simple [but sad] smile, encouraging him to go wash up so you can follow. He laughs and whines a bit before he’s finally grabbing clothes and heading for the bathroom. You’re able to release the breath you’ve been holding, even though your chest hurts and you’re trying your best to not let this completely consume you.

The universe has different plans. Maybe, just maybe, it had been time for things to unravel.

A ding comes from Hongjoong’s phone, and you can’t help but glance at the screen. It’s Tara, but you’re having to unlock his phone to view the preview this time. You nervously navigate to his text thread with her, finding that the entire thread is choppy— big gaps in between dates, some closer than others. But, your eyes land on the first text in the thread and you instantly feel sick to your stomach.

It’s a text from about a year ago, during that summer when you spent with Hongjoong, with his family. The summer you couldn’t spend a second away from him because all you wanted was Hongjoong, all you wanted was to kiss him, cuddle him, keep him close.

The summer he bought you your favorite breakfast bagel and smoothie before dropping you off to go ‘home.’

hongjoong: do you wanna come over and stay the night at the apartment?

tara: yeah! should i leave soon?

hongjoong: yeah im just gonna be here

tara: i’ll be on my way!

tara: joongie i’m outside

hongjoong: meet you at the door in a sec

You feel your hands shaking the more you go through the thread, eyes welling up with tears as the realization hits and settles. 

Hongjoong made you trust him, made you believe in everything he said. You put your faith in all his actions, thinking he was truly doing his best to make up for everything he’s done and said.

All of that going to waste.

hongjoong: you home? can i stop by and say hi?

tara: yup!

There is a huge gap after he claimed he so-called cut her off, but it doesn’t mean that the thread ends. There are other texts between them asking if the other is going to be at so and so’s house, or if the other is going to be at so and so’s party. There’s texts of Hongjoong asking if he can pop by and say hi at her place before there’s another big gap and Tara’s texting to ask if she can see him [spoiler: he says yes].

tara: are you going to channie’s?

hongjoong: yeah, are you?

tara: i’m not sure, i wasn’t really feeling it

hongjoong: go 😞

tara: lol why the sad face, isn’t your girlfriend coming?

hongjoong: nah shes not..

tara: ohhh okay, maybe then!

hongjoong: just go, wanna see you ☹️

You don’t even read the recent text because you simply can’t. You remember every single time he mentioned those kick-its, those parties, but not once did you ever think he’d mainly go to see Tara and vice versa. You toss the phone aside and begin to pack your things, fitting them in the bag you came with— not even worrying about how you can haul the rest out right now.

“Girl, I just got home from dropping Ara off. Please don’t tell me I have to slip back into my shit and—”

“Can you meet me at my place? Please.”

“Oh. Shit, yeah, of course. I’m already on my way.” He says, picking up on the shakiness in your voice. Hongjoong is still in the shower and you’re grateful you chose to drive to his place so that you can easily slip out and leave. You’re very much sober and at your breaking point; all you can think about is getting away as soon as possible.

Because the moment you step through your door, you collapse to the floor and start crying. Crying about all the fights, crying about all the times you let up and let Hongjoong get his way. Crying about all the times you let every little feeling, every little detail, brush over your head. Crying about how much you trusted him, loved him.

“Shit, Y/N. What the fuck?” Wooyoung immediately drops to the floor, arms thrown over you as he shushes you and tries to calm you down. He has never heard you cry this hard, has never heard you long for air this badly in between cries. It kills him and he’s not even sure how he can help you right now. And that for him is a first.

When you’re able to breathe a bit, you let everything out on the table. You tell Wooyoung what Mingi said, you tell him about the texts, you tell him about all these instances that you brushed over and didn’t think much of— when in fact, you should’ve stuck to your gut feeling and questioned everything. When you should’ve pressed harder, when you shouldn’t have trusted him so easily. And the realization hits you again because fuck, it is so painful to know that the person you loved for two years hadn’t really been there for you. That he was physically there, but his heart, his soul, wasn’t entirely yours. Probably wasn’t even yours to begin with. And you are so, so stupid for thinking Hongjoong was over her.

Maybe you were just the excuse.

The rebound.

The one he needed for his own selfish reasons.

It was never about you.

And Wooyoung continues to hold you and rock you, because there’s nothing like finding out that the person you invested in didn’t do the same back. There’s nothing like finding out the time you spent on someone, the amount of vulnerability, trust, emotion that came with loving someone for two years, had meant nothing. Wooyoung could murder Hongjoong right now, but that’s the least of his worries because Hongjoong isn’t crying his fucking heart out on a studio floor.

You are.

“I don’t know what I did wrong.” You mumble into his chest. “I don’t know why I wasn’t enough, Woo. How could he just do that to me? I meant nothing to him—”

“Y/N, don’t ever let me hear you blame yourself again. You hear me? This was not your fault. You gave everything your all to him because you were an amazing girlfriend. He fucked up, and he fucked up big time. This is all him.” Your broken sobs continue to echo in your studio, your phone now constantly going off from Hongjoong’s texts and calls. When he unlocked his phone to text you, he noticed Tara’s thread open. So he panics, and he panics.

Calling, texting. Almost ready to jump in his car and explain this even though he can’t.

But Wooyoung shuts off your phone and locks the door, telling Yunho, San and Mingi to tell Hongjoong to back the hell up. That he doesn’t want him near you, and that Hongjoong would know better than to confront the both of you right now.

It all feels like a blur, like white noise; static.

2 years of nothing.

Home to him might’ve meant so many different things; people, places, feelings. But to you, home was Hongjoong. Hongjoong has always been a home to you, everything about home. A home wasn’t a home without him.

But tonight, home looked a little different. Home looks like the empty bed you’re staring at, the dark room, the stillness of your surroundings even as Wooyoung sleeps on the couch. Tonight, home felt a little different, especially when you cry and feel your heart shatter to a million pieces looking at the cold, empty space next to you in bed, Hongjoong’s clothes from your closet tossed all over the place, ripped pictures across your desk that Wooyoung had to snatch out of your grip.

Because did you deserve this? All of this? 

It was never about you.

Home was meant to be you and Hongjoong, but all the significant cracks in the relationship that lead to this, the one unfortunate blow that completely destroys you— every bit of you, everything you know, all the love that you’ve had. 

Now, there is nothing left of you.

Nothing left of this home you built.

—a/n: ty for sitting through this very personal piece of mine; a reminder that you are beautiful and so, so deserving of the best love and happiness. ♡

—taglist: @asjkdk @bintificreads @interweab @hyukssunflower @everyonewooeverywhere @mcsalterego @persphonesorchid

[brbsoulnomming]

Tell Me Sweet Little Lies Part 2

Part 1 | Now on AO3

-----

When Eddie's almost fourteen, he gets Of course I can handle it by myself, and he wants desperately to know what his soulmate is lying about being able to handle - wants desperately to tell his soulmate that he doesn't have to do it by himself, that Eddie's right here.

The summer of '80, a few weeks before he's due to start high school, Eddie gets I don't think of you all that often anyway, and his heart jumps. He knows it's not directed at him. It can't be - it's one of the hardfast rules.

Lies of omission don't count, half truths don't count, joking usually doesn't count, and it only counts if you're saying the lie to someone, not just telling yourself. So whoever his soulmate is talking to - they do think about this person often, even if they feel like they have to pretend they don't.

But it gives Eddie an idea.

"I don't think about my soulmate very much," he tells Uncle Wayne the next morning.

Wayne raises one eyebrow at him, and Eddie - realizes he didn't exactly think this through, did he?

"I just-" he starts, then stops, realizing that if he lies, it'll show up on his soulmate's skin, and that kind of ruins the grand statement he was trying to make. "I wanted them to know."

Wayne's expression softens. He doesn't say anything about the fact that Eddie had said them and not her, he just claps him on the shoulder and ruffles his hair.

"You're a good kid," he says gruffly, as Eddie bats him away.

Two days later, Eddie sees, Oh, yeah, same. I don't believe you can miss your soulmate before you've even met them.

He doesn't even try to put a damper on his elation. Instead, he rushes out to where Uncle Wayne is watching TV, some old Western, and says, "I don't miss my soulmate, either."

Uncle Wayne looks startled, but he must guess what's going on when he sees Eddie twisting around to examine his arms and bare torso, because he just gives a grunt in response.

It's stupid to think you understand someone just because you know what lies they tell.

Eddie feels like his heart is beating out of his chest, and he's smiling so wide it almost hurts. "I haven't felt like I understand my soulmate. I don't get some of the things on my skin."

Uncle Wayne is looking at him a little more closely. "You sure this is what you want?"

Eddie waves him off, holding his breath as he waits.

I don't get it, man, don't look at me for answers.

"I don't want to keep talking to my soulmate."

There's a long wait after that, so long that Eddie starts to think that was it. But about a half an hour later, hope to see you soon appears just below his ribcage, and Eddie's blooming all over with happiness.

Sucks for the person that his soulmate was talking to, of course, since they were clearly lying about wanting to see them soon, but he knows that they chose that particular phrasing because they wanted Eddie to see it. His stupid idea worked, and he's not going to stop it now.

His soulmate seems to be of the same opinion, because the pseudo conversation keeps up.

Eddie tells Uncle Wayne that he hates reading, that he never wants to see a guitar again, that his favorite season isn't winter, that he knows how to swim and isn't terrified of learning, that he hates spicy food and white chocolate and floral teas and strong coffee and butterflies, that he loves pop music and pastel colors and silverfish.

It gets him a few new books, a second hand acoustic guitar - and, unfortunately, swimming lessons - but it also gets him a wealth of information about his soulmate. He learns that his soulmate likes autumn best, that he's been swimming since before he could walk, that he plays the piano, that he likes spicy food, too, but he prefers dark chocolate and hot apple cider, that he loves cricket bugs but hates house centipedes, that he's not allowed to read comic books anymore but he misses them.

Eddie wonders who his soulmate talks to, when they do this. Uncle Wayne will at least have enough of a half assed conversation with him to support him gaming the system, but his soulmate's replies are usually stilted enough that he can tell it's not the same. They're suited for a different conversation, only related to what Eddie said if he looks for it.

It makes him imagine his soulmate sitting up at night talking on the phone with a friend, trying to hold two conversations at once, thinking carefully about his phrasing - all for Eddie. He can't help the way it makes him feel so much less alone, makes him feel special.

Eddie's extra cautious about telling lies, now that he and his soulmate are talking, and he likes to think his soulmate is doing the same.

They both slip up sometimes, though, and Eddie gets pretty good at figuring out what was meant for him and what wasn't. He gets things like I don't think you're sending me some very mixed signals, here and right, that makes it very clear and I won't be careful that he never responds to, figuring they're actually meant for whoever he's talking to and not for Eddie.

It makes slogging through his first year of high school much more interesting, at least.

"No ma'am, I'm not bored by the way you teach math," he tells his math teacher with a winning smile.

I find the way you teach history as a list of facts and dates for us to memorize very important.

"I don't wonder how we're supposed to retain all of this and regurgitate it on command."

It's stupid to make little songs out of the things you're supposed to remember, it doesn't help at all.

Really, his soulmate is so cute Eddie can never keep himself from grinning when he gets a response.

He never wants to stop.

Taglist (hopefully this works right!): @vampireinthesun @koibug @estrellami-1 @mentalcyborg @allbimyself26 @questionablequeeries @the-s-is-silent @whimsicalwitchm @a-gae-af-racoon @tinyplanet95 @n0-1-important @velocitytimes2 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @newtstabber @jcmadgirl @tartarusknight @roblingoblin285 @lexyvey

----

Part 3

[fandomnerd9602]

Square Dance: Promenade

Part Three of Square Dance Series

Country!Wanda x Male Reader

How could time be so cruel? You had fallen in love with your best friend's sister, shared your first kiss together, and all in the span of a couple days. You didn't think it was possible. But now that week vacation was coming to an end.

You almost dreaded it now. Soon the corporate cogs would swallow you back in its mechanical grip and you'd have to leave the Maximoff homestead for who knows how long.

It was the day before you had to leave when Wanda approached you in the early morning, "I wanna have a date with you, city boy"

"A date?"

"Yeah a day date" she smiled at you with that thousand watt smile.

You and Wanda spent the entire day on the town. Piet and Crystal joined you for lunch at the local diner. It felt lively, it felt energetic. It felt like home with the Maximoffs.

You and Wanda explored the downtown area, rode horses together. You listened to Dolly Parton records at the local record shop. You even filmed one of her strumming sessions and taught her how to post it online.

But the sun was like a harsh hourglass as the evening drew. You understood that your time on the Maximoff homestead was nearing its end. You sat out on the porch, just trying to take in the setting sun one last time.

“I gotta go” Piet exclaimed gruffly that evening, walking out to you, “crystal needs me at…umm…the thing”

He looked to Wanda and she looked to you, giving you a little wink. And with that Piet left in his pick up truck.

You sat down on the porch, your eyes looked up to the nighttime sky. Wanda sat next to you with her guitar.

“What you thinking, city boy?” She asked.

“The stars. They’re the same as the ones back in the city.”

“Tell ya what. As long as you’re looking up at them stars, so will I. And I’ll always think of you”

“Deal. I’ll always think of you too.” The two of you made that silent promise. Wanda gave you a sad smile and began to strum on her guitar.

(Bless the Broken Road [Acoustic] - Rascal Flatts)

I set out on a narrow way many years ago

Hoping I would find true love along the broken road

But I got lost a time or two

Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

The two of you just gazed out to the stars. The eternal midnight promise of your love for one another. As long as you could see the stars, you’d think of your country girl.

That every long lost dream led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you

Wanda leaned her head against your shoulder. “We’ll find our way back to each other”

“I hope so” you said, your heart heavy with grief.

“Come on,” she got up from her spot on the porch. “Let’s get some viddles”

“Viddles?” You asked.

Turns out it’s just another word for food around the area. Wanda and you settled into having one last meal together before tomorrow. She insisted on cooking. “Alright darling” she said as she slid the plate across the table to you, “eat up!”

You noticed how she took a little bit of your meal on her thumb and then licked it clean off. How you wished you could kiss her and suck on those plump beautiful ruby red lips of hers. And then she sat down across from you with her own plate.

"Go on" she chuckled, "eat up"

You took a bite of the steak and eggs set before you. Wanda's whole demeanor was anticipation, just waiting for your reaction. The second the bit of steak hit your lips, it was like food nirvana. A tiny moan escaped your lips. A mischievous smile made its way across Wanda's eyes and lips like a cat who finally caught its mouse.

"You like it?" she asked with a hint of mischief.

"Love it. Best steak I've had in a long time" you smiled back.

"Good" she giggles, "I like the sound you made," she gives you a little wink. You couldn't help but blush.

"So what happens now?"

"No matter what" she whispered, "I'm glad I got to spend this week with you. I ain't ever gonna forget about you."

"You're gonna go far, Wanda" you took her hand, "you're gonna forget about me when you up there, on the stage, touring. With your millions of fans"

"Aw shoot," she giggled, "I don't think a million and one fans could ever make me forget about you"

The two of you just sat there in silence. You didn't want this night to end. If there was some way to stretch it on into infinity you wished you could. You just wanted to spend it with Wanda.

"I-I'm gonna go wash up." She offered a sad smile. And then got up.

It left you wondering. Was the corporate world really what you wanted? You had the most wonderful gal in your arms one moment and the next she would be gone.

You wandered the hallway. The sound of the shower had died out awhile back. You just walked right up to Wanda's bedroom door. She was probably asleep by then.

All you wanted to do was going into her room and hold her tight. But you understood it was better this way. You were of two separate worlds. Two ships that were passing in the harbor at the same time. You could never ask her to give up her tour just to stay with you in the city.

“I’m sorry Wanda” you whispered to her door before leaving.

You walked into your room to grab a towel for your own shower and came face to face with a sight that both surprised and delighted you.

There she was, a goddess among mortals, the bedsheet tucked under her arms. Your country girl was looking at you with those doe like eyes filled with love and desire for you. Her hair still damp with water. She was stark naked and beautiful as ever, only covered by that gossamer sheet.

“We only got tonight, city boy” she said softly. “And I wanna spend it with you”

You were left dumbfounded, but in the best possible way.

“So…” she asked with a smirk, “you just gonna admire the view or you wanna ride?”

You smiled and took off your shirt before joining her in your bed. If tonight was all you two had, then you make it last as long as possible.

You got under the covers. Wanda reached up and began kissing you once, twice. She giggled as she switched positions with you and straddled your waist, letting the bed sheet fall away.

"My city boy" she giggled before allowing you and her to become lost in the infinite moment, two hearts becoming one.

To Be Concluded…

Tags: @jacenradio7 @lifespectator @abimess @aloneodi @tokufighter @konstantin609 @scarletquake-n7 @supercorpdanbeau @family-house-of-m @holiday-house-of-m @deafeningsharkslimeempath

[aidaronan]

Summoned

For @steddiemicrofic's September prompt, Charm. Word count: 548 Rated G Tags & warnings: practical magic, kas!eddie, off screen mentions of death/loss

The charm was meant to protect Steve from having his heart broken. His mother and father had been so in love before the accident, before the Holloway Curse took Jonas Harrington and left his mother so broken it pretty much took her too.

"They'll play the guitar and collect Garfield mugs. Their favorite letter will be an M, and they'll be able to draw anything."

It was a new moon when Steve stood, twelve-years-old, in his aunt's greenhouse next to his cousin Dustin, intuitively plucking herbs and flower petals, dropping them into a small wooden bowl carved from cherry wood.

"They'll tell amazing stories. And they'll have a ton of mean-looking tattoos, but they'll actually be really nice."

Standing under a blanket of stars, a black cat weaving through his legs, Steve dumped the bowl into the wind.

"And they won't think so, but they'll be so brave."

"Sounds like a pretty tall order," Dustin said.

"That's the point, Dusty. If they don't exist, then I'll never fall in love."

It was late March, fifteen years later, when Dustin and Steve buried the body of Henry Creel under the rosebushes.

It was April when Eddie arrived, eyes red and claws sharp, looking for the master he could still feel calling to him through the ether.

"I think we need to activate the phone tree, Steve!"

Steve and Dustin crouched together in the kitchen, holding the door shut with their bodies while Eddie tried to get in.

So Steve called Nancy Wheeler, his past with her painful proof that his spell against love had never worked, Nancy saved from the curse only by never loving him back. (Tommy hadn't been so lucky, leaving Steve alone and heartbroken with two adopted daughters who were thankfully safe with their aunt.)

Nancy called Joyce who called Jonathan who called Will who called Lucas and… Within a half hour, the cavalry arrived at their doorstep, subduing Eddie with ropes kissed with hawthorn oil.

In a circle of broomsticks, Eddie growling and snarling in the corner, they banished Henry Creel's soul back to hell. In that moment, Eddie stopped fighting, red eyes fading to a brown so deep it was like looking into the soul of the Earth.

It happened slowly. First it was occasional visits to check on Eddie as he became human again.

It was listening to Eddie strum his acoustic out on Claudia's porch. It was Eddie being sucked into Dustin and the gang's games of D&D, mentioning he used to DM. It was walking by the sun room one afternoon while Eddie wove together the beginning of a campaign that had Steve pausing in his steps just to listen.

When the Garfield mug showed up during a game though, Dustin started to push.

"Why does your cousin keep trying to get us alone together?" Eddie asked. "And why are your daughters helping?"

"I…" Steve stared at the tattoos snaking up Eddie's arms, at the M-for-Metallica belt buckle on his waist, at the drawings scattered over the sun room table. "They think I summoned you here. I think I might have too."

Eddie stepped closer, touching Steve's cheek with the backs of his fingers. "That's a relief."

"Is it?"

"Yes. I can finally stop pretending I didn't wish for you too."

[snakeautistic]

Two girls (neurotypical) in one my classes were calling each other ‘acoustic’ jokingly. I was bothered by this- they were using it to banter or sort of “play insult” each other. Both of them are the types of people who consider themselves somewhat progressive, and would never say directly that they don’t like/ think less of neurodivergent people.

I guess it really struck me because one of them is one of the girls who pretended to befriend me in middle school, only to mock me. Because I was different, because I was awkward. Because I was autistic. But I don’t know if she even realized that. Im not sure if she even remembers bullying me at all. I’m sure I’m not important to her life. She really fucked up mine. I still get incredibly anxious whenever I’m just in the same room with her. My heart races, I start to sweat, and my mind races with the fear she might see me and judge me. And that’s so fucking unfair. How come she gets to hurt people without even realizing it? Why is it that the people she’s harming are the ones who have to bear all of that?

If she had hated me, felt genuine malice towards me and vowed to make my life hell- obviously that would suck. But I almost wish she had. It’s almost worse that I mattered so little to her, was seen as so much less of real person to her that she could treat me shitty without it ever bothering her. Without ever wondering if she was wrong. I feel something white-hot like rage bubble up in me when I think about it. But there’s nothing I can do. I can’t make her care. I can’t make people sorry for things they don’t even realize they’re doing.

[some-thirst-here]

Pretty shy

Leo x Reader

There was always something good about the acoustics in the gym. Which is why you like sneaking away to sing after school, when there isn't any sporting practice of any kind. You waste no time in slinging your backpack down on the bleachers. You start pulling homework out and singing along to the song coming through your headphones.

"My names Noel. In gym class I mostly duck, and I kinda smell. Puberty really sucks. I like this one guy but he's pretty shy."

You belt out the song while moving around gently to the beat. The next part of the song is louder and you raise your voice to match it.

"He doesn't know who I am, and he doesn't give a damn about me. Because I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby."

Bumping into someone behind you knocks you out of the cosy little world you were just in. Heat crawls up your neck as you turn to see who. It's not one, but four guys you have never talked to. The heroes from the news. Your heart drops into your stomach.

The one in blue reaches a hand out to you, while opening his mouth to speak. Without thinking you flinch back and immediately start cramming the homework right back into the backpack. Throwing your backpack over your shoulder, you bolt. Tripping over your own feet as you run out the doors. You don't see the dejected look on the turtles face.

A moment after April walks up to the guys. "What was even that?" She can't help but ask.

Raph snorts. "They took one look at nardo here and ran." Raph pats Leo's shoulder. "It must be hard being that ugly bro." Leo promptly smacks his hand away.

April frowns, not liking that answer.

*****

For the next few weeks you make yourself scarce. The only glimpse anyone can get of you is the back of your head. You're determined to stay far away from the turtles. It was working pretty well. Unfortunately for you today is a pep rally in the gym.

The whole school is packed in the gym. So many people everywhere. Luckily your headphones do block some of the noise. You decide to sneak up to the top of the bleachers. While squeezing your way up someone knocks into you. The momentum makes you lose your balance. Your backpack is not helping as the weight helps pull you over the guard rail.

A surprised gasp leaves you as you tumble over. Your headphones hit the ground first. Squeezing your eyes closed you try to brace for impact. The sound of sneakers scuffing the floor is all you hear before you land.

"Hey, I've got you. Are you ok?" A voice very close to you asks. It takes a moment for you to open your eyes. You realize the turtle in blue has caught you bride style. He gives you a nervous smile waiting for you to speak.

"Your eyes are brown." You say without thinking. He blinks in confusion. Your heart thunders in your chest. Why did you say that?

You are once again scrambling up and out of the gym. The first thing you do is run and hide in the bathroom. After closing the door, it swings right back open and smacks against the wall. You nearly jump out of your skin. April O'Neil herself is marching up to you. You very visibly gulp. She backs you up to the wall.

"What was that? Do you have some problem with mutants or something?" April asks, clearly annoyed.

"Wh-what? That's not-." Your eyes widen as you try to reply. April raises an eyebrow.

"Well, what is your problem then?" She asks curious. You sigh, your shoulders sagging.

"I just... They saved a whole city. But every time they see me, I look like an idiot." You finally admit. You run a hand down your face. April's eyes widen. Her annoyance dissolving.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about it. You should try actually talking to them. They're all kind of huge dorks." April gives you a small smile. Thoughts of bacon, egg, and cheese fill April's head. You rub the back of your neck.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea." You mutter. April ignores your protest and grabs your hand to pull you along.

"Well, I mean Leo did just save you from a potentially broken neck, so I think the least you can do is say thank you."

"Oh ,um, right." Heat creeps back up your neck. You don't have to go far as Leo is waiting outside the bathroom. April officially introduces the two of you.

"You dropped these." Leo says holding up your missing headphones. A bright smile spreads across your face.

"Thank you." You say. Leo gently places them into your hands. You pull the headphones around your neck.

"Thanks for catching me too." You say softly looking away from Leo's face.

"Yeah, no problem. It was nothing. Not that you're nothing, you're totally something. It was just easy..to do." Leo rubs the back of his neck. Why did he say it like that?

You can't help, but smile at his rambling. Maybe it wasn't going to be so hard to get along with them.

[agustdiv1ne]

hey ash! soft hours idea i just had: you, beomgyu's best friend, takes his guitar and asks him to teach you to play something in a lazy afternoon. he oh so patiently teaches you how to play the beggining of a classic rock song and when you finally get it and play it right he blurts out how hes been in love with you... for like a decade.

(im melting

SAM YOUR MIND>>>>> i'm gonna disintegrate this is so adorable

god, just imagine: you're laying on beomgyu's bed one lazy afternoon, the weather outside is cool and soft gray clouds paint the sky, the soft pitter patter of rain mixing with the show that he had turned on earlier. the room feels comfortable, warm, cozy; you think that these words can be used to describe beomgyu, too.

speaking of the boy, he's laying right next to you, the warmth of his thigh seeps into your bare skin as the both of you relax against the bed's headboard, his fingers mindlessly playing with your own his screen-strained eyes stare at the television. shooing the butterflies in your stomach away, you tap his palm to grab his attention. his gaze slides over to you in an instant.

"'m bored," you pout. his nose scrunches up before he's asking you what you want to do, then, if he's just so boring to be around. you roll your eyes at his dramatics, but mull over the question for a moment. what do you want to do?

your eyes trail over to the acoustic guitar that is propped up in the corner of the room. "can you teach me how to play something?"

at first, he thinks you mean a video game, a taunt on the tip of his tongue about how you suck at them, until he follows your line of sight to his beloved instrument. his heart softens a little.

"yeah, sure," he responds while he gets up to fetch it. he sits back down with the guitar set in his lap. you shift so your body completely faces him and watch as he fiddles with the tuning pegs, strumming and adjusting the tensions until it sounds about right to his ears. he peers back up at you once he's satisfied. with a dramatic strum, he announces, "i'll teach you something easy 'cause you're a noob."

you slap his knee in retaliation. "i hope you choke."

"you shouldn't be saying that to your one and only guitar teacher," he smirks. "i could just not teach you. in fact, i'll just go back to watching my show-"

"fine, sorry," you concede, even though you know he wouldn't do that to you, not really.

thus, beomgyu's guitar class commences. he places the guitar in your lap. as he helps you with the finger placements for each chord, fingers gently covering yours, he hums under his breath. the first notes you pluck out are clunky and disjointed, and the tempo is wildly off, miles too slow for it to actually sound anything like the original song. the air seems to shift as he continues to guide you through the intro of the song; he's not cracking the usual jokes at your expense, and — while it might just be your imagination running wild, searching for things that are not really there — he seems to be leaning closer than what is normal for friends.

he works with you for over an hour. you push away those absurd thoughts all the while.

"alright," he says once he deems you ready, leaning back on his palms. "now try playing the full thing."

there's this furrow in your brow as you focus on the strings with the utmost concentration, ensuring that you're playing the right chords with the correct picking, until you successfully play the intro to pink floyd's wish you were here. with a final strum, you look up at beomgyu with a wide grin, and you just seem so happy and excited and proud of yourself that beomgyu just can't help himself-

"i love you," he blurts out. you tilt your head, and regret immediately curls around his chest.

"i love you, too? we're best friends," you respond, unsure what else to say. when he deflates, you continue, worried. "where is this coming from?"

"i don't think you understand."

"beomgyu," you sigh. "if you're gonna be vague about it, then i never will."

"fuck, um." beomgyu is nervous. gone is the typically confident boy, now fiddling his fingers and unable to look directly at you. "i love you. i've loved you for years, now, i think."

stunned, you gape at him, and he takes your silence as rejection, laughing humorlessly. "i shouldn't have said anything. i'm sorry."

shaking yourself from your stupor, you carefully place the instrument still in your lap on the comforter before shifting forward. your knees knock against his as you bring a hand up to cup his jaw. "you never let me respond, idiot."

he finally looks at you, and you send him a gentle, close-lipped smile. "if you hadn't jumped to conclusions so quickly, you would already know that i love you, too."

his eyes light up. "wait, for real? how long?"

"a really long time, probably since we were, like, fourteen," you mumble and your hand retracts, slightly embarrassed. "i didn't accept it 'til a few years ago, though."

"ah!" he exclaims, causing you to jump a little at the volume of his voice. he seems to be back to his normal self, which is confirmed when he starts poking you forehead and excitedly exclaiming, "i beat you! i've known since we were eleven. see, no one can ever beat me, i'm just that good at everyth-"

not without a playful roll of your eyes, you lean forward and capture your lips with his, effectively shutting him up. the kiss is brief and his lips are a bit dry, but your heart pounds nonetheless. when you pull away, there's these dopey smiles on both of your faces. he's staring at you in a way that you've seen several instances before, but never knew what it meant — you know now, what that unique glint in his eyes, the quirk of his lips mean.

"i love you, choi beomgyu," you say, pressing another kiss to his cheek. "but you really need some chapstick."

he groans. "you just had to ruin the moment."

"say it back," you argue as you hand him your own chapstick. his expression softens a little when he looks back up at you, his lips curling up in a tiny smile.

"i love you," he breathes. "now c'mere."

hands cup your cheeks, squishing them a bit, before the rest of him is surging forward to kiss you once more. it's all giggly and sweet and neither of you can fight off the grins pulling at your lips. he begrudgingly pulls away after a few minutes, if only to get more air into his lungs, reaching for the guitar and beginning to serenade you. you hum along with him.

this is what finally being home after a long journey feels like, you think.

this is what love feels like.

[littlelioncub43]

I've got a lot of thoughts about platonic besties! Wayne Munson x Eddie's girlfriend/partner!Reader 🥺

You and Wayne bond over music that Wayne used to listen to when he was younger. His highschool sweetheart (the one who got away) loved listening to The Beatles, so when he was younger he learned how to play their songs for her. Now when you come over to hangout and Eddie isnt home yet, you two will sometimes play The Beatles and other songs to pass the time.

When he first heard the sounds of two guitars coming from the living room of the trailer he was confused, but when he walked in and found you in the armchair and Uncle Wayne on the couch, acoustic guitars in hand, he was flabbergasted. He hadn't seen Wayne hold a guitar since... ever. But there he was, strumming softly the melody of "And I Love Her" while you accompanied him. Then you grin at him from your seat and start singing for him. Eddie immediately takes a seat on the floor, it was the closest place and he just wanted to listen.

Wayne thought it was sweet, the way you serenaded his nephew with such ease. From the couch, Wayne could see the little hearts floating around Eddie's eyes while he gazed up at you from the floor. Eddie was never quiet or still for very long, but he sat still as a rock just listening. It was adorable. Wayne kept his eyes to the floor or the neck of his old guitar, this was a private moment, just for the two lovebirds, it didn't feel right to watch.

Soon, a little too soon for Eddie's liking, the song was finished. You're grinning down at Eddie who is beaming up at you, definitely tearing up a little because holy crap that was amazing.

"What'd you think?" You ask.

"Well, The Beatles don't suck when you guys play it," Eddie teases with a chuckle, making you all laugh softly.

"That's as good of a compliment I'll ever get from him, so I'll take it," Wayne fondly grumbles and sips his coffee.

"Alright, now it's your turn," you nod at Wayne, he makes a face at you.

"Whoa, now, no it's not," he shakes his head, "I stop when Eddie comes home, that's the deal."

"No no no, do it," Eddie teases, loving how weirdly bashful his uncle was getting.

"Awwww come onnnn," you plead, your fingers already plucking the intro smoothly, "you know you love this one, Wayne."

Well. You got him there.

"Fine."

[cosmiicblink]

jashtober day 1 prompt, lunar

[angstflayer-council]

July Drabble #1- No Title

((For those who don't know the rules of the drabble game or who wish to play along, shoot an ask or a DM to @withacapitalp !))

Losing full control of your fingers and having your voice reduced to raspy whispering sucks, but it's not the worst thing that could happen. If that's the only reminder of that time you were half-eaten and nearly killed by a swarm demobats, then you're relatively lucky, right? At least you're alive.

That's what Eddie used to think. And it brought him some comfort, losing music but being able to fight another day. Supporting his friends gave him meaning when he was forced to give up the biggest passion of his life.

He doesn't feel so lucky now. Not when Steve's eyes are all white, when he is listening to a voice that nobody else but him can hear. He can see Steve's fingers twitching and he wonders what he's seeing. Eddie knows he won't go down without a fight, just like Max.

He doesn't feel fortunate when Hawkins is disconnected from electricity, all their batteries are gone, walkmans and boomboxes destroyed by creeping black vines. Hawkins is the Upside Down now and this world doesn't tolerate anything like music.

And even though Eddie knows the chords, the lyrics to Steve's favorite song by heart and everything in him screams I need to save him, I am the only one who can, he grasps the acoustic guitar but his fingers won't listen, his voice won't come out.

He knows there's no such thing as being lucky in the Munson doctrine the second he hears the first snap of Steve's bones.

[zmb1eslut]

Masterlist

Luke Castellan singing a birthday song for Dionysus!reader.

gn!reader but the song talks in fem.

warnings: swearing.

Agreed, birthday parties were the second worst kind of parties, just after baby showers, and just as long as they're yours. But even the worst party was still a party and dam you loved those.

Maybe a bit of the attention too.

So it kinda sucked that after putting on your special person suit you got to face a normal routine where no one cared more than the occasional "happy birthday". It was just going to be normal thursday.

Except for Luke, apparently. He entered the dining pavilion at exactly 8:12 AM while you were just sitting down with your breakfast. He had a microphone, connected to a sort of boombox that he just left somewhere in the floor when Charlie came with a guitar and handed it to him.

Saturday mornin' jumped outta bed.

You instantly cringed. Luke didn't even knew how to play guitar (He learnt those chords just for you).

And put my best suit

He even looked so smug about it, looking down at his literally every day clothes.

Got in my car and raced like a jet.

Fuck, he made eye contact with you. You instantly turned around to the side, finding your father on the process, who seemed rather annoyed with the live show. But slowly you couldn't help but look again at his dorky act.

All the way to you.

No. Stop. Stay the fuck there. He was literally walking straight to you. Charlie following him now with the boombox and everyone looking, not quite making fun of him, not quite impressed about it all.

He put his hand on the Dionysus table, and then it dawned on you.

Knocked on your door with heart on my hand.

He wasn't walking towards you.

To ask you a question.

Your godly parent wished, for a moment, he had perished more than centuries ago, afar from the torturous instances that immortality day to day proved to offer.

He groaned and drowned his face on both his palms.

'Cause I know you are an old fashioned man.

There was something about a shameless idiot being able to have such a characteristically attractive smirk on him while performing the most humiliating act of his life, and taking you on his ride with no agreement of sny sort.

Oh, shit. Please don't.

He got on the fucking table.

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life?

You could no longer fight it, you started to smile. You could no longer pretend you weren't listening to this song when you were 12, envy of the fact someone loved that way, maybe even hoping to be understood some day. You couldn't pretend you never felt as special as being completely socially annihilated by the cutest swordsman on camp.

Say yes. Say yes, 'cause I need to know.

He was actually really playing into the teenage pop-rockstar choreography and expression, as if it wasn't a terribly sung acoustic cover.

You say I'll never get your blessing 'til the day I die.

Maybe you also loved knowing his reputation was way to good for your father to actually be able to took it out on him and give him a lesson for ruining his morning.

Tough luck my friend but the answer is no!

Some people started to laugh, some people started to cheer him.

Until he stopped, and crouched to give the guitar to Charlie, who handed him the microphone.

"I couldn't learn the chorus for the life of me"

And he played the karaoke version.

Why you gotta be so rude?

Don't you know I'm human too?

Why you gotta be so rude?

I'm gonna marry her anyway.

It was funny in a way because Luke was... not even your boyfriend, or friend for that matter, just a sort of a pleasant stranger. He just greeted you sometimes, helped you a bit on your archery class. He'll sometimes tie your shoes when you didn't wanna bend down, or gave you notes when you were rehearsing for a play. Probably the closer you ever got were those times he would just purposefully mess up your hair when you were chatting with your friends and maybe that one time he... Oh.

I hate to do this, you leave no choice, can’t live without you.

And that's when he finally stopped bothering Mister D, right before looking at you and freezing you on a childish emotion.

Love me or hate me, we will be both standin’ at that altar.

It didn't felt much like a threat. Not even when he pulled you a little closer.

Or we will run away to another galaxy, you know.

Can we? fucking brown eyes taking the best of you.

You know that I am so in love with you, I'll go anywhere you go.

And you realized that's not even how the song goes, before he twirled you around.

Can I just be honest? Have a speck of your time?

Say yes. Say yes. Promise I'll be good.

'Cause really I feel you takin every bit of my mind.

And I must say, I think that it's love.

And he stopped singing, the music kept running for a couple counts more before Charlie turned it off. You were just looking at each other, him being considerably more nervous than you, though he did tried to hide it and you not quite so.

Your silence went for too long and he had to break it first.

"Happy birthday?"

And that made you laugh before you caught him on a giddy hug of excitement. He looked at Charlie from over your shoulder, he couldn't believe that shit actually worked.

[jakesguitarsolo]

happy Sexy Sunday!! I know it's a bit late but I just need to get this out. I always get INCREDIBLY horny before my period. (well I mean there're several other signs like mood swings and incredibly thirsty) and let's just say Jake, being the ✨fertility god✨ (and the amazing boyfriend) that he is, can always tell from the little things. for example you are being moody and just snapped at him but immediately felt bad afterwards, and he just understands and "takes care" of you in every way

(not me being frustrated and yes, horny, with this thought plaguing my mind and so grateful that it's sexy sunday so I can vent it out, thank you😂

I got this submission back in December, started writing, and then lost all motivation to write. BUT I AM BACK! Happy Sexy Sunday everyone.

SWEET BOYFRIEND JAKE LETS GO…

Warnings: blood (it’s not what you think…), dirty talk, and fingering (f!receiving).

There you were, angry and insanely frustrated that you were the one standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes after the dinner you just made for yourself and Jake. He had been taking his last bite when he jumped up and grabbed his guitar because a melody popped into his head, and he absolutely couldn’t forget it. This left you stuck with dishes… again. Maybe you were just moody because you were about to start your period in a few days or maybe you were sick of Jake’s sudden “inspiration” leaving you with the house chores way too often lately… Either way, you were over it.

Sitting at the table, Jake is ferociously scribbling note after note on the legal pad in front of him between intermittent strums of his acoustic guitar. He couldn’t see your face from where he was sitting and he dare not glance up from his work, but you rolled your eyes anyway hoping with some small part of you that he would realize that you were upset.

Your attitude clearly got the best of you because you accidentally slammed a glass onto the drying rack, shattering it to pieces. “Fuck!” You shouted, noticing the blood that trickled from the fresh cut to your right hand. Jake rushed over to you, turned on the sink and put your hand under the running water. “Baby, you okay? How did you manage to do that?” He inquired. You blurted out, “Oh gee, I don’t know Jake… Maybe if I had some fucking help once in a while, this wouldn’t have happened!” You closed your eyes and sighed with regret as soon as the words spilled from your mouth.

Jake brought the palm of your hand up to his mouth as he licked up the drop of blood about to fall and gave your palm an open mouthed kiss. Your heart rate started to slow and the anger you had let bottle up and explode started to fade. “I’m sorry, love. I know I’ve been neglecting the house work lately. I’ve just been so stressed about getting this new music done… That’s no excuse though. I’ve been neglecting my girl too… Let me bandage this up for you. Let me find a way to make it all up to you.”

Grabbing your waist, Jake led you to the couch before running to the bathroom to get the first aid kit. When he returned, he applied disinfectant and gauze to the wound and gently wrapped your hand with tape. Once completely done, he kissed the palm of your hand again and continued peppering kisses up your arm to your shoulder…. In between kisses he cooed, “So… sorry… baby. Gonna… take care… of my…. girl… I… promise…”

Ascending his way up your neck, he took his time lightly sucking a love mark in that special spot right beneath your ear. This spot made you weak, and Jake knew that as he memorized every inch of your body like he memorized his guitar. Your head involuntarily fell back to allow him more access to you. He inched his lips up to your jaw then hovered centimeters away from your mouth as he cupped your cheek and ran his thumb over your bottom lip, opening you up to him. Swiping his tongue across your lip, he paused for a moment before devouring you. The way you melted into his kiss… No one ever made you feel like that and ever could.

A wave of heat washed over you and your breath hitched when you felt his hand lightly trace over the waistband of your leggings. He released his lips from yours to gaze at your face while he toyed with your leggings, pulling them down lower. Something between a sigh and a whimper escaped your throat when he finally made contact with your pussy. His skilled fingers teased your entrance, collecting your juices before rubbing slow, soft circles on your clit.

“Gonna make you feel so good, sweetheart. Okay? I promise. Just relax for me…” Jake gently pushed you back onto the couch with his body weight pressed against you, again attaching himself to your lips. His kiss started getting sloppy and desperate when he felt you buck your hips up into his hand silently begging for more. He groaned as he swallowed down all your pretty moans and whimpers that you just couldn’t hold back. Jake took that as permission to sink two fingers into you, curling them upwards and hitting that sweet spot inside you that only he had been able to find.

“Fuck, Jake… right there, ah it feels so good. Don’t stop…” you pleaded. Jake chuckled as he said, “You like that, sweet girl? I can feel you dripping into my palm. Gripping my fingers like the needy girl you are, huh? I knew I was neglecting my pretty girl and her pretty pussy.” When he started massaging your clit with his thumb simultaneously, you knew you were done for.

You squeezed your eyes shut and your pussy clenched as Jake continued to work you expertly. “Come on, doll. Let go… Give it to me. You look beautiful when you unravel just for me.” As always, his words were all it took for your body to succumb. Your orgasm hit you so hard you couldn’t breathe or move. Jake didn’t stop though, he was prolonging the ecstasy that was washing over you. Drowning you in it until you couldn’t take it anymore. Your vision was blurry as you opened your eyes.

Jake slowed and finally stilled his movements, leaned down to plant a gentle kiss on your lips. “Don’t think I’m done with you yet, angel. I’m just getting started… First, you got my fingers. Now, m’gonna make you fall apart on my tongue until finally you’re squirming and begging to come all over my cock. I think that’ll make you feel better, don’t you?” He whispered with a smirk.

Oh yeah, you were in for it tonight… and you literally welcomed him with open arms.

[steviewashere]

Laughter Like a Kiss on the Lips

Rating: General CW: Steve Harrington has Lackluster Parents (Not Terrible, But Not Amazing Either) Tags: Established Relationship, Eddie Munson is a Sweetheart, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart, Dialogue Heavy, Making Promises, Reflecting on the Good Parts of Childhood, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Laughter, Tickling, Ticklish Steve Harrington For the @steddielovemonth prompt: "Love is wanting to know everything about what makes up the person you're in love with, even the difficult stuff."

💕—————💕

They’ve been laying on the carpet of Steve’s living room for the better half of an hour. Sprawled, loose, listening to one another breathe. The day’s been a long one. Early work shifts, car breakdowns, a short and resolved argument. It’s just been rough.

Debriefing usually results in this. Silence and floor. Closed eyes and steady chests. But Eddie, the restless jumble of energy he is, begins to hum. Not something he’d usually go after, at least that’s what Steve believes. Isn’t heavy. Isn’t loud or dark or saturated. Light. Effervescent and warm. Like sun rays cascading through a stain glass window.

It’s almost country, funny enough. Again, at least that’s what Steve thinks it is. He’s not the most versed when it comes to music. Sure, he knows about jazz and pop and early rock, blues and all. He’s aware of all that and some more indie things that Robin likes to shove down his throat when they’re driving out somewhere. But Eddie’s not one to steer far from his usual course, so this humming music he’s got going on, it’s new yet welcomed to Steve.

“That’s new,” he points out.

Eddie stops and his head shifts against the carpet, hair lightly scraping. He’s gonna be a frizzy mess, but Steve adores taking care of it at the end of the day. A questioning hum emanates. But neither of them open their eyes.

“The song you got stuck in your head,” Steve notes, “it’s a new one.”

Chuckling, Eddie mumbles, “Ain’t that new.” Steve hears him turn on his side. His voice closer against the shell of his ear, facing towards him then. “Something from when I was growing up.”

“Wayne like country or something?”

Eddie scoffs. “It isn’t country, Stevie. It’s bluegrass. Different kind of folk, babe.” A hand settles on Steve’s chest. His thumb rubs in circles where Steve’s heart is. “‘Nine Pound Hammer’, but it’s Merle Travis’s version. Mom was from eastern Tennessee, the Appalachian region. Lots of folk songs come from the Appalachian people.”

Steve opens his eyes and lolls his head to look directly at Eddie. They softly smile at each other. “She sing that to you?”

“Yeah, sometimes,” Eddie murmurs. “More so heard it on her records. She wasn’t the best singer, not to speak ill of the dead. But—“ He sucks his teeth. “—Yeah, she’d sing. Dance to it, too. Dad came from Tennessee, too, but moved up to Indiana when he was a little kid. Didn’t stop him from pursuing a failed music career or women. He sang to her, what she liked, played it on his acoustic.”

Steve hums. “Music is your family’s world, isn’t it?”

Eddie chuckles again. “Well, it got my parents together. And they had me. So, it’s kinda like god in a sense. The life bringer.” He sighs. “What about you, Stevie? Got any songs from your childhood?”

Thinking back, no not really. His parents have always been very distant from one another. Not necessarily away from him, but the crumbling of their marriage lead to the rusting of the bridge that connected the three of them. There isn’t any rich storytelling within the Harrington name either. Nothing like a cute little meeting at a bar on the outskirts of town. Or even something where they went from high school rivals to close friends to lovers and then back to strangers.

No, his parents were forced to meet over a business deal meeting. Forced into a marriage neither of them wanted. And they made love in the dark. Steve was conceived in a dark bedroom where only their stuttered breaths could be heard. And they didn’t look after one another. Didn’t take care of each other, not like Steve does with Eddie and Eddie does with Steve.

So he shrugs. “No,” he answers honestly.

“Really?” Eddie incredulously questions, “Nothing at all?” He sits up on one of his elbows, eyes wide down at Steve. “That feels hard to believe.”

“You wanted to know, so I’m telling you. It’s not a pretty story.”

“What isn’t a pretty story? The birth of some song that reminds you of being a little kid?”

“I don’t—There isn’t anything that takes me back to being a little kid. I hated being a little kid. The story’s ugly anyway.”

“Tell me,” Eddie quietly pleads. “Tell me even if it’s shitty, I wanna know.”

He has to really think hard on this. Still, there’s no music. No movies or plays or anything of that nature. Books felt like an obligation, too, when they were teaching him how to read. There was bible study and church Sundays and his starchy, stiff outfit. His mom and her spit slick thumb and his unruly eating habits. Manners taught and hands slapped.

There’s not much good, unfortunately. But, something nice comes to mind.

“My parents didn’t like each other. I don’t think they really knew how to do that,” Steve starts. “I was just kind of a product of that, I guess. Like I was the trophy to complete their gauntlet. They dated and they bought a house and they got engaged and they got married, they had me. Forced dating, though.” He rests his own palm on the back of Eddie’s hand. Scratching dully at his skin. “But, as much as they hated being near one another, there was this one thing they did constantly. That they included me in on.”

Eddie hums. “Sounds promising,” he whispers. “What’d they do, babydoll?”

Steve squeezes Eddie’s wrist. Pulls away and runs his fingers through the ends of Eddie’s curls. “They did each other’s hair. They did my hair, too.” He eyes the frizz that he knew would eventually make itself known. Raking over the pattern of Eddie’s curls. The rough, choppy cut to his bangs. He adores Eddie’s hair. “It was kinda funny. We’d all be topless—sans like my mom’s bra, y’know because the hair would get on our shirts anyway?—and we’d huddle in the downstairs master bathroom. As big as this house is, that room is fucking small.

“I’d sit on the counter. In my sleep shorts, hands wrapped around the soft tummy of this brown teddy bear my mom got me, socks on my feet. Butt on the edge of the sink. Feet kicking around in the open air. I liked to sit in front of my dad.” His hand gently rests on the side of Eddie’s neck, eyes remaining glued to the spot. He’s never shared this before. Kinda wants to remain lost for a while.

Continues, “He has this very thick handlebar mustache. He’s always had it. And as my mom stood behind him—trimming up the top of his head, raking her fingers through with mousse—he’d take his own shears to his ‘stache. Would shape it up, stretch his lips down, raise his eyebrows in focus.

“It made me laugh. And he’d kinda chuckle. But when he was done?”

Eddie’s still smiling at him. He can feel it. His own face must be doing the same. “What’d he do, sweetheart?”

“He’d set his shears to the side and he’d—“ Steve chuckles. “He’d tickle my ribs! The bastard would turn his attention to me, crinkle up his eyes in sadistic laughter, and shove his fingers in my ribs. It was stupid, but I liked it. And obviously, it made me laugh. I used to honk-squeak. Like super loud.” He takes a deep breath, and on the exhale his smile wisps away from him. “It’s the only time we really laughed together. It’s the only time I felt like—Like I was their kid. Not some object to show off. Now I just do my own hair. I miss that time, those feelings,” he quietly admits.

Above him, Eddie gently coos. A soft sound. But when he finally chances a look, there’s a mischievous glint to his eyes. Mirth. In one swift motion, Eddie is straddling his hips, cold hands under Steve’s t-shirt, rucking the clothing up, and jabbing his fingers into his ribs. 

Steve tries to shove his hands away, but can’t help the way he surrenders. Curling in on himself, smile stretching across his face, nose scrunching with his laughter, the kind of laughter that leaves him gasping and honking and squeaking. Just like it was when he was a little boy. The sensation leaves him breathless and squealing, slapping at Eddie’s chest. Still smiling and wonderful when Eddie relents.

“And there he is,” Eddie whispers. “There’s Steve Harrington. Smiling at me all gorgeous. Can’t believe you’re ticklish, baby. That’s adorable.”

A half-hearted slap lands to the center of Eddie’s chest. “I told you that with confidence. Don’t use it against me.”

“Oh, I won’t,” Eddie swears. “Eye for an eye. I gave you my love for bluegrass, you gave me the joy of your laughter.” He leans down into Steve’s space again. His body yin-yang to his own. A hand petting over Steve’s hair. “You know what we get to do now?”

Steve gives him his own questioning hum.

“We get to combine. Make our own good memories. Tell each other our tainted stories. About your insufferable parents and my criminal dad and my long-gone mom. About your cold house and mine that was consumed by fire. I’ll melt your ice, you’ll douse my fire. And we find you a song that’ll remind you of the start of this. And you take care of the frizz in my hair.” He kisses Steve’s forehead. Murmuring against the skin, “I saw you eyeing my ends. You ain’t discreet.”

In response, Steve laughs once more. He sighs and leans up into Eddie’s space, a soft kiss square on his lips. Pulling away, he whispers, “To new beginnings.”

“And to happily ever afters,” Eddie promises.

💕—————💕

[lanadelray-gurl]

''My heart is, and always will be, yours''

Singer!Austin butler x Bandmate!fem!reader

Warning: Angst,fighting,cussing,hidden love,fluff,soft smut,p n v,fingering,biting,crying,falling in love(really a friends/enemies to lovers kind of thing)

Summary: you and Austin had started a band with a few other friends back in high school.You played bass and he play guitar,you both sang together. But what happens after you start to fall in love with him but his new found fame has gotten to his head?

You had always been interested in music,you grew up with it. Your mom played the piano and your father played the bass which he would go on to pass down to you,you didn’t have a club for music in your high school so you decided to make a post on your facebook(gosh you feel old looking back on this) you made a small post to your 20 friends on Facebook. It read;’Do you like music? Do you like making music? Can you play an instrument but simply can’t find anywhere to play? Well please send me a message if you’re interested in a music club after school at my house!’ You sounded desperate,,which was the case. See you always wanted to start a band,your dad did when he was your age and you decided fuck it why not! That’s when you met him. Him being Austin,at first you thought he was cute,he had nicely styled dirty blond hair,pretty blue eyes and he was tall. And did I mention he could sing AND play guitar. Yeah..he was perfect.

When you first talked or Austin he had messaged you on Facebook,you didn’t even know he went to your school! You barely paid attention to your surroundings in school,either writing stupid songs or drawing little things in your notebook. He told you he was very interested in your ‘club’ and even sent a video of him playing the acoustic guitar and singing an Elvis song! It was a bit old school but you sighed it,he told you he could pretty much play any song you wanted him to. He also added that he had a few friends who also went to your school who’d be interested. One being named Adam;he was your age and played drums. Then you had Johnny; he was a few years older and played rhythm guitar. It was perfect what could go wrong!

Apparently everything could go wrong—

Well not necessarily for the whole group,it seemed to just be you. It’s been a few years now,you and Austin had been posting your music (which was mostly covers of really popular songs) to any platform out there! And it gained a lot of traction,you both really enjoyed it,as time passed you guys went a recording studio,produced your own music,posted it and the next week you were approved by a big record label. You all of course said yes,you could see the vision,your name in lights. Well your bands name;Ecstasy (can you tell I got lazy) Your bands music was mostly sensual and meaningful. That’s how you saw it,but it started to look like all of the bands hard work was just a money grab for the rest of your band.

As the years went on you and Austin grew close,you were completely smitten by him. You tried to make all of his ideas for songs come true..even if they sucked. But he didn’t see you like that,you wrote the songs,play the bass and they get money. Which hurt you once you realized. As things progressed you noticed how at every show and on every tour he was with a girl or at least flirting with the girls in the crowd. If hurt you but you couldn’t say it,you had even thought about leaving the band or even going solo but you didn’t want to be selfish. You stayed quiet,Adam and Johnny took notice to your change in personality. Your once bubbly and excited personality had turned kind of dark and closed off,no one could tell what was wrong because you just kept to yourself if you weren’t making music. Sometimes you’d be pretty happy during rehearsals or before recording but somehow Austin brought your mood down.

He’d constantly bring a girl or two to everything the band went to. Didn’t matter if it was private or if it was just a casual hang out. It was to say the least embarrassing and you let it go on for years now. Why couldn’t you stick up for yourself?! God..it was pathetic. You just ignored it at this point,you were emotionally numbed at least that’s what you thought until your most recent show.

Your band was preparing for a show,you kept quiet the whole time. Austin noticed this,even thought it’s been going on for so long he finally noticed your change in personality. He grabbed your shoulder gently,you were grabbing your bass from its case you looked back at him and gently shrugged him off of your shoulder.

“Hey man what’s going on with you..?” He spoke with a bit of force. You looked back at him,you were wearing an amazing outfit,you were wearing a tight black dress with fishnets and combat boots and he took notice..when did you become so pretty? You had beautiful makeup but he could see your eye bags and just how tired you looked. You spoke,your once soft and sweet voice was now slightly rough and scratchy “nothing..just let’s get ready..” you walked towards the stage everything was ready for the show to start,Austin followed close behind you. Tonight was gonna be stressful..

You were nearing the end of the show,you played your heart out,so did the whole band. It was time for your biggest song. This is where you and Austin got really close and just made it seem like everything was sweet and beautiful but it was farm from it. As the song played you felt tears stinging your eyes.(listen to the song above now!!)

“Without shame..”

His voice was smooth and beautiful god why were you so in love with him? It hurt your very soul.

“Two outfits then to my name..”

It was almost time for you to join in,you didn’t know if you could do it. This song was about love but you knew he didn’t love you..and that was so painful.

“You’d end up in one when you’d stay..”

You felt your heart start to race,you walked towards the microphone,standing right next to him. His hands stringing the guitar skillfully. That both turned you on and made you sick. You wanted those hands around you but every other girl got what you wanted.

“We had no where to go..and every desire for going there..”

You began to sing with him,he glanced at you. Your voice was beautiful to him,and once the fans heard you sing they went crazy they loved your voice and something inside him suddenly felt connected to you. His heart began to race.

“I heard once..it’s the comforts that makes us feel numb” You both continued to sing together for the next few moments,your voice made him shiver and his made you wince from the pain from the heart break. “We’d go out with no way to get home..and we’d sleep on somebody’s floor..wake up feeling like a millionaire..” you both continued to sing your heart out,you both looked up and stared into each others eyes. You felt emotions take over you. Austin and the rest of the band could tell you were bubbling with emotion. About to burst whenever you were tipped over the edge and the intensity of the eye contact was what tipped you over. “Wish I’d known it was just our turn..(we just got by)..Being blamed for a world we had no power in..(but we tried)..” Johnny and Adam joined in for a few parts now,giving the song an angelic sound,but your voice seemed to over power them.

“You and I had nothing to show..(we didn’t know)..But the best of the world in the palm of our hands..(anything,darling)” You felt the tears fall down your cheeks,you were now staring to the floor trying not to let your emotions get the best do you,Austin noticed this. He felt a stinging in his heart why did he suddenly care so much..? “And,darling, I haven’t felt it since then..I don’t how the feeling ended..” Your voices cracked slightly,the crowd roared happily but your band knew it was a sign of you losing yourself to you emotions,Austin almost lost his breath. You had raw talent and hearing you putting your real emotions into this certain song made his chest almost cave.

“But I know being reckless and young..Is not how the damage gets done..” You continued to cry as you sang,it was heartbreaking to watch but the fans didn’t care they just wanted to hear you sing with Austin. But now that he kept thinking about you and your new persona he felt a connection of heartbreak with you but why? He maybe thought it was just heartbreaking to see you cry because he was perfectly fine..or at least that’s what he thought. “One time we would want for nothing..(one time we had it all,love).. We knew what our love was worth (when we had nothing)..” you looked up to the sky for a few seconds,your eyes locked with Austin’s once more. He was caught off guard for a moment,you noticed this and felt a since of pride but this.

“..Now we're always missing something (I miss when).. I miss when we did not need much..” Austin backed away from the microphone,he continued to play the guitar. You grabbed the microphone and stared to sing your solo part,you took a deep breath and closed your eyes tight as you put your heart into this part.

“Oh,if the car ran,the car was enough..If the sun shone on us,it’s a plus..and the tank was always filled up! Only enough for our getting there..” Tears streamed down your face as you kept your eyes closed tightly. You opened your eyes finally and looked around and watched as Austin came back to the microphone to end the song and then the show.

Finally once you finished that song you all waved to the fans and you rushed off stage,wiping your tears and sobbing as you put your bass back in its case. You wiped off your messed up makeup,Austin noticed this as he walked past you to get ready to leave on the bus back to the hotel you were all staying. You were all on the bus now,you sat far away from everyone,in the very front you were on your phone mindlessly scrolling socials. You felt eyes on you and you knew it was Austin,that made your heart squeeze itself.

Once you all arrived at the hotel all of you got onto the elevator,Austin was oddly close standing so close your shoulders pressed together. Once the elevator dinged you all went separate ways to your rooms..or at least that’s what you thought. You heard footsteps behind you,you walked towards your room and once you reached for the door you quickly turned around and saw Austin. “Hey..” he spoke breathlessly. You looked annoyed but mostly emotional he couldn’t read your expression. “Can I come in?..” you looked shocked by this,you quickly shook your head and tried to rush into your room “no Austin— No not just no,just fuck no—“ you scoffed and walked into your room and tried to slam the door but he stopped it and barged into your room. You turned to him and had tears streaming down your already redden and wet cheeks. “We’re talking..I don’t care how you feel (Y/N)..” he spoke with a bit of anger. Your eyes widened before you gave your speech,well that’s how would Austin described it.

“No! You don’t get to fucking decide when we talk..you don’t get to tell me how to feel! Now after what you did to me! Did you not see it?! Did you not see how I looked at you and hear how I spoke?! The way I made everything happen just for you?! I even put your shitty song lyrics in our song!” You screamed and continued to let the tears flow,using your hands to speak and put more emotions into it.

“Are you kidding me?! I’m trying to figure out why you’re so emotional and weird all of a sudden! I’m being nice to you! We’ve been friends for years and im showing I care. What are you going on ab—!” You scoffed and threw your hands up in the air before turning away just to look back at him and pointing a finger into his chest.

“I. Loved. You..ever since I met you I loved you. My heart was set on you and your stupid blue eyes and your perfect lips and perfect body..a-and and—“ you put your hands up into your hair and gripped onto it “you..you were just you and I fell in love with yo—“ you let your hands fall to your sides but before you could speak he grabbed the sides of your face and kissed you passionately but with a bit of aggression. It caught you off guard but you kissed back,you held onto his wrist gently as you both walked. You were walking backwards and he basically guided you to your room. He picked you up by the back of your thighs,her laid you down on the bed and continued to passionate kiss.

He pulled away from the kiss and lifted up your dress,pulling it off your beautiful body. Happy to see you were wearing no bra but a pretty pair of black lace panties,you crossed your arms over your breast and shuddered. You turned away from him and whimpered softly,Austin untied your combat boots and pulled them off your tired feet,he pulled off your socks and kiss up from your calves to your thighs. He pulled off his shirt and kicked off his shoes. He fell to his knees and kissed your inner thigh from the right to the left side,gently biting down on your soft skins. You felt your pussy clinch around nothing as the wetness from you core drenched the cotton.

You moaned gently and covered your mouth,you felt him hook his fingers underneath the band of your panties. He tugged them off,you lifted your hips up and bit your bottom lip a little too hard, you pierced the skin making you flinch. He looked up and smirked up at you knowing he made you crazy,he put your thighs over his shoulders. He started licking up your arousal,it was sweet. The best things he’s ever tasted,he sucked your clit and watched as you squirmed and pressed your hips down onto his face the best you could. He pulled away and rubbed two fingers against your wet core,getting them wet with your slick. With the two wet digits he fingered your drenched and aching pussy slowly,pumping his fingers gently while curling them up to hit that spongey spot that made you arch your back.

He went back to licking and sucking your clit,he took you for granted and he was gonna make up for it. Your beautiful body and your sweet pussy was everything he was missing,all the girls meant nothing to him anymore. He realized he needed you,only you that all he could think of now. You started to feel a coil in your stomach tangle and begin to unwind and get close to snapping. Knowing you were about to cum you tried to push him away but he wouldn’t let you,he pressed your hips down and licked and sucked faster but still at a gentle pace. His fingers working and stretching you out. You rocked you hips wildly “Austin,Austin fuckfuckfuckfuck!—“ you moaned loudly and finally came into his fingers,he moaned against your clit. You gasped loudly and whimpered,he finally pulled away and pulled his fingers out slowly.

“I’m gonna make you feel so good honey..I’ve neglected you for so long baby..I’m so so sorry..”

He spoke softly,he stood up and took off his belt and unbuttoned and then unzipped his jeans before pulling them down along with his boxers. His cocked bounced up,your eyes widened. You’ve seen the outline of it before,you knew he was blessed but seeing it hard and up close made you shake. It was long and tick,leaking with pre-cum,you did this to him and you couldn’t believe it. You felt years well up in your eyes and he noticed,he gently kissed near your eyes and over your eyelids. “Don’t cry honey..I’m sorry baby I really am..” you finally cried tears of pure joy and laughed as you wrapped your arms around his neck “nonono don’t worry I-I’m just so happy like..I’ve dreamed about this..” you hiccuped as you felt him pick you up and lay on down long ways in the bed with him towering over you.

He sat up while sitting in his knees,he grabbed your calves and put them on other sides of his hips. He pulled you closer,the shaft of his cock laid against your sensitive clit. It made you moan softly,he stared into your eyes as he slowly rubbed your stomach and smiled happily. It was a genuine smile,something you’ve always wanted to see for so long. “I should’ve found out sooner baby..I could’ve made you feel so so so good sooner..” he whispered,he held the shaft of his cock and slowly pressed the tip into your tight cunt. “Oh fuck aus—“ you let your eyes roll back as you felt him press every inch into you,he filled you up so nicely. His eyes were glued onto his cock sliding into you,his mouth hung open.

He had finally bottomed out,he was pressed into you so nicely you felt him grazing over your cervix. This made you cry out,he leaned down holding your little body close to him,you once again wrapped your arms around him and scratched his tan skin,leaving angry red marks. You heard him groan loudly into your ear,her was fully pressed against your cervix now in this position you couldn’t handle this for long. He slowly pulled out making you whimper before he slowly pushed all the way back it. You let out a loud gasp and you let out a choked moan,he raised up slightly and stared down at you and he observed your fucked our face.

“God your pussy is sucking me I-in I could cum right now..fill you up nice and g-good..”

He whispered softly and started to thrust,it was slow but it had a bit of speed and power but not too much. He didn’t want to hurt you not ever or ever again,he knew he hurt you so many times before and he didn’t want to hurt you in such an intimate moment. You hid your face in his shoulder and bit down leaving a dark red and purple mark,he moaned loudly. Now his thrust gained more speed and strength,he thrusted into you like his life depended on it.

He growled softly into your ear,he kissed up your neck,he left dark marks along your soft neck and up your jaw. He groaned loudly now. You knew he was holding back you wanted all of him. “P-please Aus..please fuck me..pleasepleaseplease..I need your cock deep inside of me..” You moaned into his ear and he gladly took your invitation. He thrusted into you wildly and roughly,she growled and grunted loudly and he looked wild. You stared as his face contorted and twisted as he thrusted in and out of your sopping cunt,you cried out and rocked you hips against him as you felt you second orgasm approaching,you clinched and sloppily grind against his thrust you couldn’t take much more.

“Is my baby gonna cum?Hah..—Hm? My pretty girl wanna cum on my cock?Fuck..—Come on a baby be a good girl..let me feel you cum all over my cock..god you’re so fucking right..” He grunted loudly and stared into your tired half lidded eyes. You nodded you head quickly as you felt your climax getting closer. With one last strong thrust you came all over his cock,squeezing down on his cock making him shutter and he gave you one more thrust before feeling up your warm cunt with his hot cum. He groaned and slammed into you. He stared up at the ceiling before dropping his head and staring down at you.

He slowly pulled out,watching as his cum spilled out of you. He smirked and let out a breathless laugh before plopping next to you and pulling you close. He wrapped the blanket over the both of you,as you both cuddled he lazily dragged his hand down your stomach and to your puffy and sore pussy,he gently pressed his fingers into you. Gently pumping into you,trying to keep his cum inside of you. You whimpered softly and snuggled your face into his shoulder.

“I love you..” he whispered down into your ear as he closed his eyes and spoke sleepily,he was getting close to passing out.

“I love you too..I always will.” You spoke softly and closed your eyes. You both finally fell asleep,you slept in until the late afternoon that next day and it was the best sleep of your life.

Hii! I hope you guys enjoy this little one shot,I finished this before my other stories so I’m posting it! More coming soon..