#thats totally normal and doesnt mean anything

[melancholyghoul]

These were in the same episode btw:

Taylor to Buck: You're not invincible. You could have gotten hurt.

Eddie to Buck: You act like you're expendable, but you're wrong.

(that episode was also the one where Buck and Taylor get together)

[dexaroth]

it's kind of a fun move to make my very very personal blog also the one I post my drawings on

ive purposefully done it to not create that kind of environment where it's just an account posting art, a one-dimensional abstract thing that's so detached that if I were to post something like 'teehee I tried to off myself so I'm opening comms to pay the bills' it'd be met with utmost surprise bc it'd break the illusion yknow?

but sometimes I do want some drawings to not have context. to be as impersonal as a vintage figure whose sculptor has never been fully known or a golden locket with the picture of someone who you don't know anything about

I want both, to be honest. it's always been a struggle of the need of external validation but also to not want to taint everything with myself

I want to draw a pet portrait for someone and not have it be judged with all the ramblings and half-jokes about how everything sucks every now and then.

I want to draw a guy being mechanically separated for no reason and not have it show up besides someone's pet portrait and having to explain to the average person I don't even know why I like gore so much besides rendering it is fun

it's all like a cycle of making it clear who is behind the art for context but also sometimes wanting everything to speak for itself and wanting a sort of pure reaction to it

and it culminates into that overly familiar feeling.. of wanting to be consistent. to have a feel, a look that you can maybe hope someone will identify as yours.. and the question is always the same - for what? why? why does it matter?

if anything the first thing I'd ever say to someone who remotely showed interest in art and wanted to know my side of it is that nothing matters and everything is subjective and that there will always be people who see too much meaning where there isn't and people who miss the point entirely. and that diversity is just as good as quality and not a binary switch that you have to pick for the rest of your life. and that often by trying to achieve perfection you just end up dumping what gave your art a personal touch because it wasn't absolutely on par with the version of you that you so desperately want people to identify you with or the vibe you want to give off or whatever else

it's kind of a problem that also has different connotations depending on the way wherever you post works, too

on devart and I think insta too favorites and likes are the easiest way to show a kind of support that happens to streamline everything into images on a page instead of actually taking in most detail, the title or description or lack thereof, maybe even a message or line or music lyric intended to aid in the perception.. that ends up getting completely ignored because it takes extra effort to do. and it gets exponentially worse the more people you follow

then, well.. tumblr. because of the way the posts are organized and at least show captions it has a bit of a leg up, but then the sideblog stuff comes up. posts 95% of the time only give traction to the account that posted it, so a sideblog where you reblog your art is pretty much just a gallery for the convenience of whoever follows them. if you post on that sideblog however, then that facilitates no one visiting your main and just looking at the drawings, leading to the art-artist detachment as it is also plenty of extra steps and effort

then, independently, the path you choose is hard to undo. choose to be unknown and be bound to the façade you have to keep and not break your persona, or put all bits of yourself out to the public and there will forever be an image/ background version of you that will contextualize everything you do

try to turn around and choose to hide and it will put people off and affect how some will look at your new stuff now that you're less of a social butterfly because of the instinct of curiosity and wanting to know what happened , choose to show yourself and now you're too real and people don't want to associate with you because of the things you express or how it hits different knowing x and y or just not caring about you enough to be bothered to keep up with your life with sporadic drawings inbetween

it's all ironically about your own self-image and knowing others who know you

oh and it just hit me the financial side of things too. but that's too much for me rn and it's sort of a bonus to my point anyways

idk man. I feel like I'm having a stroke while an influencer tries to explain branding to me

[theosconfessions]

---------------------------------------------------------------

if youd like to read the stephens from the beginning you can over here :)

if youd like to read the stephens continued you can over here:)

@ohsosims

river- i really missed you a lot.

blake- then its not just me [smirks] didnt wanna come off as a creep. so um. god youre insant to look at . gyatt!

river-theres no words for how much i hate when you say that.

blake- do you? then ill just say.god.fucking.damn.[leans in] am i readinng this wrong?

river- now right now

---bowchickawow-

river-...

blake-...

river- we um should get dressed before my parents walk in. or my sisters.

blake- pretty sure with how loud we were they know not to walk in here,man.

river-glares

blake- okay not in the mood for jokes. noted.

river- its just...i dont want to be like theo,man.

blake-dude youre not.

river- [grabs shirt] i am. i dont want to hurt anyone.

blake dude what are you saying?

river- we shouldnt have done that. i ruined everything.

blake-dude no! no no ! you didnt ruin anything.

river-youre my best friend blake.

blake- and youre mine? whats going on man. is it just..this [motions towards the couch]

river takes a deep breath

river- isla and i broke up last night. at least for now.

blake-oh i see.

river- no blake im so stupid. and im so sorry i do not want to hurt you.

blake- hey its um its cool man. if you dont want this to be anything then it doesnt have to be anything..seriously.

river- i ruined everything.

blake- hey stop saying that. you didnt ruin anything. i mean im crazy over your ass. i mean id let you punch me in the face everyday and id thank you for it but thats me. and my feelings are on me. not you. i dont want you to feel forced to make this something youre not into.

river-really?

blake- really.

river- this was a big deal to me too.

blake- no i know. total virgin[smirks] i could tell.

river- [laughs] back to normal then it seems ?

blake- yeah back to normal. of course

river- good.good. thank god. hey ima go to bed.so

blake- yeah ill crash out here. robins going to wake me up at like five am anyways

river- robin?

blake- yeah well im failing. shes been my tutor for a couple weeks now. big ass test.

river- oh i didnt know you guys hunt out

blake-thats because we dont. but we do study.

river- right. nerds

blake- course. well trying to be one. night riv

river-night blake.

[kijosakka]

Thoughts. okay so the total drama drama drama drama island special is interesting mainly bc of team e-scope but im going to take a moment here to ramble about his dynamic with other people here,,

(oh and i didn't have anywhere really to slot it into the other post or segue into it here but dodgebrawl as a Moment demonstrates how [this AU] noah can play the social game, just in a very very different way than how it's normally seen.

he knows what he's doing is going to bother his team and incentivize them to vote, i'd say in this au he even plays up the cockiness and makes veiled personal slights against specific people

(mainly those who would be annoyed enough to vote him off, see: heather, justin, leshawna, cody/trent to some extent if he said smth about gwen? < and gwen herself in that scenario. and to another extent beth, since hes playing up his outright mean traits, which would make lindsay vote with her. i dont think he would do anything specific to/with owen or izzy, since he may see izzy as too volatile and owen too genuine)

in the opposite way of whats expected, sure, but it is a social play. he can pick apart what these people are and what they show and push at it to achieve his own ends (and maybe its even some sort of way for him to regain control in this fundamentally uncontrollable situation he's found himself in; he can be the punishment in foucalt's imagining, to a much smaller degree))

so his teammates,,, do not like him tbh. his flagrant display during dodgeball and everyone being pissed at him after the fact is true in this AU, just coming with different motivations. even after the fact when the frustration of everyone fizzles out, hes still majorly offputting because of his detachedness, and deliberately makes his shown traits very unpalatable to experience in person combined with that.

the only two exceptions are izzy and owen respectively: owens mostly coming from a place of genuineness and im going to say while he wouldnt be able to verbalize it, in some manner owen would clock noahs behavior as a defense mechanism. maybe in the sense of 'hes just scared to open up to people!!' or something similar, but he definitely has a lot more faith that noah really isnt that cold and flat.

[*]izzy feels much the same -- except maybe it comes off more to her as strategic. izzy can act, and might recognize that in noah. if you wanted to you could write this in as to why she was eager to swap teams in the first episode, but it wouldnt change that he does get eliminated and thats all she sees of him until the special -- which, her intrigue in his lacking and the fact that it apparently wasnt strategic to get him further in the game, could help explain why she picks him in the team-up.

[*i have soooo much to say about izzy in this au actually. but ill save it for a diff post]

and speaking of the team-up: team e-scope!!!! :0

my au my rules eva and izzy became really good friends on the playa; izzy isn't afraid of eva (and curbing her anger before it reaches a boiling point) and eva is physically adept enough to restrain izzy from Shenanigans that might be a little Much. but eva doesnt really?? know anything about noah?? but izzy insists on teaming with him for the special (and unbeknownst to her noah wasnt even planning to participate initially) so he must be some level of Not Too Bad if izzy wants anything to do with him that doesnt seem to be related to tormenting the guy

and she thinks hes Fine. apathetic and detached and unpalatable (but then again, everyone in their little trio really is to some degree), but can kind of understand izzys intrigue: hes still A Guy, hes just hidden behind 20 layers of non-substance that are so offputting from the first meeting it makes people steer clear of him.

now with tddddi comes two other pertinent details: the justin line, and the Thing With Duncan.

i personally thing noahs 'he's the anti-me' line is really funny in the context of canon but if you squint it kinda works here? wherein justin is non-speaking yet flaunts himself to be the center of attention and clearly shows intent and capacity to scheme (underdeveloped or no, see: awakeathon), whereas noah speaks a lot yet lets himself fade into the background, showing vague hints of the capacity to scheme but no intention or palpable ambition behind it.

^ am i reaching? maybe. the other option here is noah somehow has seen him in-person before on a modeling or red carpet kind of gig and dislikes him on principle because of it/its a jab at it (smth smth they are both opposite ends of the same industry? justin is the face of it in a manner where noah stays behind the scenes and out of sight)

and the thing with duncan,, hear me out here okay noah does his whole song and dance, goes up to him and patronizes him, and duncan retaliates. however, he curses like a sailor and in noah's head has ruined the footage, therefore instead of further retaliating and potentially invoking actual physical harm he just. doesnt react. at all. duncan looks up at him and hes just dead-eyed staring down at him -- and then he leaves.

^ the scene has been ruined, and everyone else is doing so much that theres no reason to play it up any more. duncan and him arent plot important like how heather and lindsay were, theres no reason for the crew to painstakingly edit his swearing out. they just wont let it reach the final cut. duncan is understandably very confused by this, but at that point noah was already gone to find eva and izzy again (< this is when the cast having a running bet that noahs and android becomes Not a Joke)

but life goes on!!! and in the worlds worst comedy of errors (for noah), izzy ends up dragging him along into the lake, thereby leaving him as a confirmed member of the next season.

^ noah is so angry at this. popping blood vessels. he argues with chris endlessly, straight frothing at the mouth at only having two days of real reprieve before he has to deal with the Same Shit again. and chris gets this, to some degree, but also knows that if theres no explanation for noahs non-appearance to hand the producers, theyll be pissed (since all things considered, noahs pretty damn popular among the fans)

luckily for him, courtney just filed a lawsuit against the show!! and since chris is busy running said show, the producers do not want to deal with it and are willing to hand off the case to anyone else -- hence, chris officially signs noah on as his PA, and noah takes over the court settlements and whatnot.

< though i do imagine the producers would see it as a 'get out of the show' scheme, and thereby push way harder for his involvement in WT as a result

but noah does get a break!!! for now, at least.

[enderwoah]

jimmy solidarity is so intrinsically mind-meltingly confusing i love him dearly and i want to squish him with a passion and i want him to win (or lose) the next life series installment and here is why

(this is a very long insanity fuelled rant sorry but if you too are obsessed with jimmy solidarity and the concept of him actually not being pathetic and possibly winning heres the post for you)

jimmy solidarity is the kind of guy that literally has one gimmick and its being the most pathetic person on every server he has the pleasure of being on. he is the wet cat of a man that gets bullied and taken advantage of and nobody listens to him when he complains or objects to anything and yet not once has he truly gotten angry about it because hes just that nice of a guy. sort of.

cause i dont know about yall, but jimmy solidarity is kind of a bastard to me?? i will never forget him swindling joey out of 50% of his gunpowder profits (u think that wasnt swindling?? consider the following: he was earning NOTHING before joey started doing gunpowder on his own. NOTHING. and yet all he had to do was go over and put on his little sad pitiful pathetic song and dance and beg for a cut of joey's profits and suddenly: whats that? a net profit?) i will never forget the sheer amount of times this guy has had to hold himself back from straight up killing or aattacking someone; not because of morals or kindness or goodwill, but out of spite. but out of "i need to be better than this person it hurts them more if i dont kill them in cold blood (in my head)." i will never forget the amount of times he has just straight up punched someone in the nose (/rp) because they were being mildly annoying in the middle of a conversation.

im not saying hes a mastermind thats manipulating everyone by acting lame but also just a little bit?? minus the manipulation part?? hes proven on multiple occassions that he isnt like stupid idiot baby man. like yeah he can be a little incompetent sometimes but so can scar and by now we have ALL recognised that scar is terrifying and could raze the server by himself if he so pleased. i think if jimmy solidarity's main bit wasnt 'its funny when my friends bully me' he could genuinely cause some serious damage. i think the one time hes like ever made a trap on his own in the life series (the one in his doorway in last life) it worked flawlessly which. like. a trap. in the life series. working flawlessly. hello. sure it was basic but the fact that it worked without a hitch should alone be a testament to his ability

and if thats too obscure for u i mean we can step out of the life series for a little bit and just direct you to the fact that he isnt bad at minecraft like at all?? if u havent had the pleasure of watching his dodgebolt 1v3 i really reccomend it because youd THINK that someone bad at minecraft would be trembling in his boots and being in a total panic in that situation. hell even someone AMAZING at minecraft in that position (grian) literally sounded on the verge of throwing up for his entire time and thats FAIR. thats NORMAL.

all i am saying is that jimmy solidarity rolled up to this 1v3, said 'ive got this,' and took out two people in literally a second and a half. and then just chill-ly said 'ive got this' again. the only time he sounded mildly panicked was when tommy was making him dodge for a ridiculously long amount of time. as soon as tommy missed twice- or, rather, as soon as he dodged tommy's bolts twice, mine brother in craft took one shot after like five seconds and it was over. every SINGLE time i decide to watch a jimmy mcc pov im sitting there like. 'damn. DAMN?? JIMMY SOLIDARITY???? POPPING OFF???????" at like more than one point every single time. there are so many other places that hes demonstrated that he isnt bad at minecraft but its late/early and my memory doesnt work like it used to

which brings me back to the life series. since we all know that his 'being bullied hahaheeheehoohoo' bit is a bit (and hey. its a good bit. im not saying its a bad bit. i think its funny and i think it gets even funnier when jim starts fighting back. if youre gonna have a long-lasting gimmick thats a good one and jimmy does a swell job at making it entertaining and also making it clear that it isnt serious) this means that he can un-bit it for a bit. or at least peel away the bit a little.

im just saying jimmy solidarity has huge bastard energy and hes allowed to let it free in the life series!! he will burn things down he will cheer at traps he will fight for his friends he wil fight tooth and nail and claw for his life (he started last life with two lives. he never got any more. he only died due to a trap and due to murder like COME ON). if he wanted to burn down a base he could if he wanted to set up a huge trap PERSONALLY i think he could hell i think if he went up to someone in 1v1 combat he would at least have a chance (depending on the person of course). i mean look at his dodgebolt performance all the man needs is a bow and some distance and hes APPARENTLY set for life!!

ill say it

if jimmy solidarity played it smart, he could win the life series. easily.

jimmy is good at making alliances with people (coughs and kicks the southlands betrayal underneath the rug Ignore That One he was Desperate he started off with two lives remember honestly it was a justified move) hes a litlte bit silly stupid and oft acts impulsively but he can direct that impulsivity against one person and for another. if he got himself in a squad like he did in 3rd and last life and stopped playing up the pathetic bit and set a trap for once in his life (/endeared) he could actually get himself some kills. some Real kills, not accidentally blowing up ren and skizz with tnt.

i dont even care how he does it. i just want him to win. and if he doesnt win, i want him to come top five at LEAST before getting horrifically stabbed in the back by someone he had been running with for the whole series that is the ONLY loss i will accept and still be happy about. the man deserves a girlboss moment please we're approaching two years let the man LIVE

[cinefairy]

Whenever I am reading about the law on Tumblr I feel like I can manifest anything and that its so easy, but then when I try to apply I get so many questions about if I am doing it correctly again and that this is gonna be hard to do, how can I stop thinking like this?

thats because when blogs write about the law (most of the time this does not apply to every single loa blog) they write about it like it IS the most easiest thing in the world, like it is a flawless execution.

thats because they dont include their struggles, hell even i struggled today. i struggled yesterday too. im learning. im a human, im not gonna always tell u guys my struggles because its highkey none of your business but anyways.

lets just be real with ourselves for a second. lots of us have encountered struggles when we tried to fulfil our desires have we not? has this road been perfect? probably not…are we probably still struggling a tinsy winsy bit from time to time? well ik i certainly am.

doesnt mean shit btw if you’re struggling and its okay to.

when applying its so much different from actually reading, when u read that post saying everything is possible and everything is perfect and you’re perfect you get that rush, you get that excitement and everything feels good and happy until you actually decide to do it and you start feeling stupid, or you’re feeling like you’re doing something wrong or you’re missing an element or you’re just too aware of yourself u start to feel uncomfortable.

and guess what, thats totally normal. even neville found it hard at one point to actually APPLY and do it himself. but in that moment where that does happen. treat yourself kindly first of all and take it slowly.

step by step you will get there, maybe itd be helpful to do edward art’s meditation as a starter i felt more assured following a meditation, because you’re just doing what theyre telling you. cant go wrong

[boxheadpaint]

diary post baby. Heavier than usual or at least probably but i dont know or remember a good portion of the things ive ever said about myself on this line. For the normal guys though i had fun making that comic, usually when i get the motivation to make anything in that format i get pretty bummed about it pretty quickly simply because of the paneling

its fun to imagine making dynamic pages of comic panels, but when you have no experience beyond trying to make manga in your teens you mostly just have the squares/rectangles stacked next to eachother. for anyone else this is fine and isnt boring to look at by its nature alone, but for me i always believe that my own work would be too dull and unexciting to eye-catching to even bother reading. trying to just lose that pressure i give myself for a day and make something silly like some animals looking at eachother is nice

one of the things i kept hearing from my own head during the call about The Good News Of Getting Disability Income And Payment For The Time I Wasn't Recieving Benefits, was that i needed to kill myself for some reason. my body reacts badly to experiencing a lot of things, though of course its worst when its negative feelings. not even particularly strong ones, maybe a little nervous or a little mad and it likes to tremble or tense up totally. i dont know why exactly i reacted in this particular way other than the usual "what do you mean i dont need to freak out about this anymore. what am i going to do with all this freaking out juice? just chug it?"

im worried lately that ive built up too much of a tolerance to my sertraline, if thats something that happens. but i dont know for sure, and i dont know what ill do if that is the case. maybe it is still working and i just cant tell because even though its bad things would be much worse if i stopped taking it. it just feels like these days it doesnt do anything to help me feel better or more in control. can i speedrun making it work again by going cold turkey for a week and then getting back on it so my brain is like wow this awfulness stopped after i took this awesome pills.

can i give the money i recieve from social security to someone else to save? is that legal? or do they hunt you down for sport for doing that. what if you wanted to buy a house. or rent a house. Or just fucking live somewhere because these days prices are fucking absurd. ridiculous even.

hey girl, rat piss. hey girl, rat piss. I realize other than the blue puppy video i havent posted anything for pride. partly of anxieties of course, especially given the Great track record of the site withing the past month, but also straight up forgetfulness. I keep forgetting too many things and being too tired to remember. At night though i can do just about anything. I think ill take a nap and then wake up at 2 am to keep drawing. I have things to draw

6/24/2024

[postmail]

i lovvveee the drogo and primula that exist in my head. like its like they are the twisted and weird as hell versions of bungo and belladonna except infinitely less stable and mature like. one of relationship is a reliable, comfortable hearth and the other is a star that burns hard and fast and dies even faster

if you looked at these pairs from a distance they would look like very similiar couples, dynamic wise. you’ve got the ~wild~ took (or tookish brandybuck) girl and the stuffy baggins boy. but once you actually look you would realize they are completely different

bungo was a needed sense of home in belladonna’s life. he gave her something to actually come back to, a reason to come home and stay there. a reason to want to be in the shire. he literally built her a house. he loved all her weirdness and her tookishness, of course, even if it scared him a little sometimes. but mostly he just loved her. i think once everyone else got used to them being together they regarded belladonna and bungo as like... the couple. ultimate hobbit couple goals. they were madly in love and they knew how to handle it. they were normal about it, ya know? like a cute elderly couple or something.

but drogo and primula... uhhh...

lets just say, this was a match made in hell in eyes of their families.

drogo was a perfectly good hobbit before primula. fussy, stuffy, a little stuck up and a lot a coward - guy was the quintessential baggins. probably never even kissed a girl. and then primula happened.

primula is a firestorm. widely regarded as a hell-raiser, trouble-maker and disturber of the peace. often pictured standing on top of the burning corpse of respectability and good hobbit sense. not much of an adventurer per se, but definitely a little manic. somebody that definitely needs to be kept away from alcohol at all costs. takes pleasure in causing other people mental anguish and is total adrenaline junky. everything about her screams unstable, unrespectable. seriously, shes had like seven boyfriends, even a girlfriend or two

and then she starts flirting with drogo. and to everyone’s horror, he’s kinda into it.

whats worse is that she only becomes more insane, all to impress drogo. and. it fucking works.

primula is wild. probably a little deranged. and shes the most fun drogo has ever had in his life:

being the perfect baggins is boring, okay? there, he admitted it! he doesnt like being stuffy and fussy, locked up in his little hobbit hole stuck officiating mind-numbingly boring tea parties with distant relatives pretending to be interested in doilies, wondering about all the fun hes too scared to find.

but primula. primula.

she doesnt mind that hes a squeaky little coward who whines about unnecessary dangers and stained shirts. its like she sees through him, sees through all his toothless simpering that feels more like a force of habit than actual protests. shes exciting, shes fun, shes actually insane,

oh, and drogo! the flirting didnt really mean anything to primula, not at first. she flirts with a lot of hobbits, just because its fun. little primula motto for you: if its fun, why hold back?

but drogo is different. she didnt notice it at first, but once she did she was hooked.

he looks like the perfect baggins, acts like the perfect baggins. but its all an act, and shes the first one to see through it. he whines about danger and irrespectability, and hes not actually pretending to be scared. but theres a spark in his eyes when she steals a cart and takes them on a wild joy ride through hobbiton. hes screaming, but hes also laughing, she knows that look he has:

like he just started living for the first time in his life.

drogo was coaxed and eased into love. primula fell into it full force and with bang when she realized that this stuffy little baggins who cares about table arrangements and handkerchiefs is the first hobbit to also know thats it not just about being a menace for menace sake, thats its not about causing chaos. its about feeling alive. and he feels it too.

bungo and belladonna fell in love as equal and opposite forces, coming together like two puzzle pieces that somehow complemented each other perfectly. primula and drogo didnt fall in love with their opposites. they fell in love with the first hobbit in their lives that actually understood them. that actually got it. they fell in love because they were, at heart, the same. and yeah they burned so damn bright and died like a supernova but god, it was amazing while it lasted, wasn’t it?

[writers-get-biters]

sooooo tired of feeling bad and shitty and stuck and miserable

fuck my relationship ocd i hate it so much and also fuck being forced to do stuff i dont want by people i dont want to be with sometimes (like now )they get into some sort of fucked up loop where i feel miserable because of stuff in my brain and then theres external stuff which also fucks it up more so then my disabilities become more disabling because obviously and then i get blamed and hurt more externally because of my disabilities that are not! my! fault! and then of course that makes internal shit worse so then im just stuck in the middle forced to pretend shit doesnt suck and actually im fine and actually everythings fine keep being "jokingly" mean to me and pushing my boundaries i dont care i get it its actually really okay if you say something to me that most other people i know offline wouldnt consider mean even though i have told you to stop its okay if you dont stop i guess i guess its fine if no one listens to me and i have to sit in miserable silence by myself because i dont even feel like doing anything that any of my ceters enjoy like drawing or our data entry projects or video games or writing and it doesnt matter i guess that im so stressed because since its from an arbitrary authoritative institution everyone is supposedly fine with that makes it totally okay and actually the real problem is me and i guess im the problem and reason why no one wants to talk to me or communicate with me the way i want to be talked to or otherwise communicated with yeah my bad i guess its all my fault and im supposed to just suck it up and stop complaining and also its creepy and wrong and bad i guess for me to try to cope with any of this the way that i want to and i guess yeah i need to and should be keeping it a secret because otherwise ill make everyone else uncomfortable and thats the worst possible outcome btw no person left behind unless its me in which case utilitarianism is always right and we cant give a shit about everyone yk like someone is always going to be miserable but we should prioritize the most people so if i mention kink (ew) or my other interests (ew) im a horrible really bad person actually because im making other people (more important than me. btw) uncomfortable and upset also i should ignore the fact that i am systematically and systemically being isolated from and kept away from people who might actually show understanding and kindness towards me or be in a similar position and extend the kind of support i desperately need but its cool because you keep saying youre only doing that because im "better than them" and actually youre helping me because "those people" are bad and wrong and harmful and they might make me (simultaneously innocent and guilty) do bad things like drugs that might offer a chance to alleviate some of my pain or transition to a bodymind i& want or be angry or just generally be a "bad person" and not be able to participate in the joys of continuing the chain of oppression and harm. but its fine because its for my benefit actually because you frame it as ""those people" have it so hard and theyre so unlucky (because theyre treated like shit by everyone which is true because people's actions are definitely a matter of "luck") and i just want to spare you from that" how kind of you wow youre so sweet and nice to me right now because i havent violated any of your rules yet what a great person you are because you let me be myself to a certain extent (a tiny little eensy-weensy extent but thats fine because its more than i deserve anyway) and since im being invited to participate in the continuation of oppression and pain it would be pretty rude for me to say no and if i did say no it would definitely justify treating me badly and doing all of the things you do to "those people" to me because im technically actually even worse than "those people" because i could have been normal i could have just accepted your rules (that were literally killing me to follow) (not that you noticed)

and also on the other hand the people arguing against you get to use me as their fun little trick-up-their-sleeve because obviously its ridiculous to treat someone like me the way that you have and will and i can be used as a perfect little pawn

[the ceter who wrote this switched out around here, but before they did, it asked that the others of us post this vent anyway if they were unable to finish or post it]

[angel---eater]

very much related to my text post from earlier today- and my general tone and feelings abt this while writing is just like, neutral thoughtful retrospectiveness bc im an oldhead in fandom and ive seen a lot of shifts in online culture. so this is basically me doing a pseudo-anthropology amateur hour thing about what ive seen and also partook in when i was a tween/teenager. but i do actually think i know why so many ppl get really fuckin nasty and petty about ships and headcanons beyond, yknow, the bullshit fake morality dischorse thats just ship wars with extra excuses to enact cruelty- which is that everyone in fandom, but particularly fanartists on tumblr/twitter with a big following who have had a big following for years, are

1) extremely attached to their headcanons and how they view a text/canon (reasonable and human, thats how fandoms work), and

2) because theyre so extremely attached to their headcanons and personal lens they think they're the only one in the fandom whos 100% correct, who has all the answers, who has the ultimate understanding of xyz. in this case homestuck.

and i think its particularly bad in the homestuck fandom because theres so much to analyze. homestuck is a CHUNKY piece of media. its been going for ages, its had so much time to mature and breath as a piece of art. its not for casual fannish folks. even if you go into it expecting a chill and mild time you usually come out the other end with ur hair smoking and with a thousand yard stare. and like, i dont think this is a bad thing necessarily, but it becomes a bad thing when

3) bc the fandom is old, there are a considerable amount of fanartists with large followings who all think theyre the only one whos 100% correct and that their ideas are 'closest to god', meaning closest to the creators ideas

and finally- 4) their following gives these popular fans a constant stream of yes-manning which then leads to dogpiling on anyone who dares to disagree with the popular fanartist's headcanon, or even when anyone just has a different one, a disagreement isnt rlly needed. the headcanon can be anything up to and including smth like height btw, i have seen this happen

and theres also the core of this, which is that way too many fandoms seems to have forgotten what the term headcanon even MEANS. theres too much emphasis on the '-canon', which actually doesnt mean a fuckin thing when it comes to headcanons. its playing imaginary on top of something already imaginary. i dont think dirk strider being intersex is anywhere close to canon for example. honestly i dont even think dirk strider was intended to be written as anything but a cis perisex boy. but its my headcanon, which is a bubbled thing relative to me that i like messing around with in AUs

the thing about art is that no one in the audience is or will ever be ''100% correct''. no one in the audience will ever know what the creator of a piece was actually thinking of when they made it. the only one who has total and complete understanding of any work is the creator of said work, and even then thats not a given if the creator doesnt actually want to think abt everything theyve created. and i think thats okay and normal!

i really really really want to see less ppl in fandom wanting to be Correct and wanting their headcanons to be Hard Unignorable Confirmed Canon so they can be smug abt 'guessing correctly' and more ppl just wanting to have fun and explore a work from multiple angles. together. like thats actually what a fandom does, historically. we're at an arts and crafts table. ive never considered transmasc jade before for example. shes usually a trans girl in my stuff. but transmasc jade is a concept that fuckin rocks and that i now love a lot bc i saw it pop up and be explored within fandom! esp bc trans guy jade is really adorable alongside june. they swapped!

it reminds me of the fuckin 'blue curtains' thing, disregarding bad faith anti-intellectual bs nonanswers. the curtains are blue bc blue represents sadness, loneliness, want, comfort, the sky, the ocean. theyre blue bc blue is the character's favourite colour and the author wanted them to want it in their living space. theyre blue bc its the AUTHORS favourite colour and they just like using it to paint pictures either visually or with words. all of these are correct analysis of why a character's curtains could be blue. theres no wrong answer there when it comes to us as the audience thinking about art. the actual wrong answer is attacking anyone who thinks the blue curtains are blue for a different reason than you do, or that they hold any meaning at all

[himbos-hotline]

hi!! hihi I just wanted to say i commented on your fic yesterday too but you’ve fully rotted my brain with kenny as a did system (from one system to another, it’s hard to find good plural hcs for characters :/) so if you wanted to share any hcs or anything here that’d be so cool!!! :3

OKay okay so like!! I am also filled with brainrot

And when I tell yolu that I am totally right about kenny omega having DiD I mean I am competely right! For those that don't know what DiD is it stands for dissoctive identity disorder [formally known as MPD or mutiple personality disorder] affects about 1.5% of the population and its an trauma disorder formed during the early childhood stage [between 2-7 years old.] It is regularly caused by any cause of severe trauma [sexual/emotional/physical ect] combinded with the obvious stress that going through that stuff causes. Extreme childhood trauma causes the brain to fracture before the child can gain and/or form a connected sense of self being, this disconnect continues and every part of distinct "personality" becomes more and more disconnected and dissociated and slowly start to form their own existence and behaviour, thus becoming "parts" or "alters" or "headmates" that exist to protect the child as they grow and go through trauma rather than the child going through said trauma alone.

MPD was renamed DID in 1994 since it is a dissociative disorder [as well as a posttraumatic stress disorder] instead of a personality disorder. DID is often catagorised/explained as

(image description: A screenshot from a website that reads:"it is a disorder characterized by the presence of two or more identities or personality states that recurrently take control of the individual's behavior accompanied by an inability to remember important personal information … it is a disorder characterized by identity fragmentation rather than a proliferation of separate personalities")

Alters can take different forms, introjects [alters based on media- yes this can also mean real people], non human alters [things like animals, based on objects, demons and angels - this is common in DID systems since a lot of us that I have interacted with have religious trauma /told we were possessed]. anything really. Alters normally form for a job [for example, Hangman in our system is a caretaker, meaning they exist to take care of the body/headspace. Kenny in our system is a companion, which means he exists to be a friend] Switching [mostly involentary changing from alter to alter] can cause amnesia and theres three types of dissocitive anmenia:

Localized: meaning you cannot remember specific events, times, places

Selective: you can't details/events of a specific timeframe

Generalized: This is the least common type. You can’t remember anything about your identity and life history.

So how is it diagnosed and how does it relate to one Kenneth Omega? well looking at the DSM-5:

Two or more distinct identities or personality states are present, each with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and self.

This is probably the most strongest bit of evidence with Kenny having DID. Theres him; Kenny omega. the bright blue eyed, blond haired, dorky smile kenny who sings tina turner and drinks from bottles weirdly and wears onesies. The kenny we see during the early BTE, the days in DDT, vaguely around the same time with his early tagteam with Hangman. You know Kenny omega! we LOVE kenny omega!

And then we have the cleaner. That dark, evil hurtful one who doesnt care about anyone or anything just winning. that heartless, cold man who wears Kennys skin like a cloak. The first real time we see the cleaner [at least, in my opinion. and since this is my headcanon, my opinion is law /lh j] is just after Kota moves up to the heavyweight devision, leaving Kenny alone. He instantly turns into that coldhearted, empty soulless almsot killing machine whose so addicted to winning because thats the only thing that shows that he exists. With his black dyed curls and dark sunglasses and wild eyes. Theres, no Kenny omega left. Only the cleaner. Goofey in a way thats soulless, kind in a way thats manipultive.

If you need any proof that Kenny fucking LOOSES it before him and Kota reuinite. Just look at his eyes after he betrays AJ styles to become the leader of bullet club because theyre totally normal [lying through my teeth]

Also just this moment right after the formation of the elite, Kenny being the first one to drop the two sweet, almost like somethings just switch off in his body, the half open eyes. The twisted smile that looks almost like hes in pain? yeah...

Amnesia must occur, defined as gaps in the recall of everyday events, important personal information, and/or traumatic events.

There isnt much like,. spoken about evidence about this at least what I can recall off the top of my head. Theres a few little bits where Kenny doesn't seem to recognise or remember bits about himself, his friends. The moment that I can remember off the top of my head, that makes me feel a little insane. If when Kenny and Hangman get their first wrestling figures. Kenny asks if Hangers figure has his "baby blues" to which Hanger replies "my eyes are green." Sure it could just be a little slip of his tongue, Kenny wrapped up too much in the excitement of having hi8s own little figure. But him and Hangman have known each other for *years* at this point. Wouldnt kenny remember something as trivial as hangmans eye colour? especially when hes right in front of him.

The person must be distressed by the disorder or have trouble functioning in one or more major life areas because of the disorder.

*agressively gestures at kenny omega* you think tha man functions?!

okay thats a little mean, and painfully honest. But I could go more deeper into this and I might because I do in fact, have problems when it comes to thinking about Kenny Omega. But theres two places where Kenny fails at existing and functioning. And thats his own health and relationships. We all know about his fucked up relationship with Kota Ibushi, its documented in enough essays and video essays and enough fanfic to not only sink a battleship but to also keep me awake at night. But the one I really wanna focus on because [suprise suprise, the hangkenny shipper wants to focus on hangkenny] i think its the biggest showing of his inability of function with relationships is his one with Hangman page:

Its..rocky to say the best, lowkey controlling at worse. and neither of them are really to blame. Kenny is struggling with the constant fighting between Hangman and the Bucks. Especially in this video [big thanks to @jacedoe Mars ily so much!!] Where the bucks are fighting over him with hangman and Kenny is litearlly being pulled from pillar to post. Not sure who to go to, much like a child dragged from parent to parent in a divorce. And you see him go from, midly tired and aching to upset and unable to control his emotions but at the same time so emotionally shut down that he just walks away after hugging the bucks.

Kennys relationships, romantic or otherwise shift and change so quickly that its almost like, he doesnt want to be loved, doesnt get it and thats exactly what it is, I personally think Kenny doesnt understand what love IS. He doesnt know what its really meant to feel like, like deep down hes never sure what it is. Hes never had it as a child.

AKA growing up with Don Callis, he mentions in his promo during all in that Don made him only focus on hockey, never having a birthday party/never being allowed to keep friends. that sounds like phycological/mental abuse to me. It sounds like mental abuse because it is. One of the most common malipulation practices for mental abuse is seperating people from anyone who can help them or see that its wrong. Now look at just how many times the Bucks have tried to show Kenny that Don is a peice of shit or that Jericho is only using kenny for his own uses before Kenny can be thrown away.

Callis also constantly putting Kenny down is also a sign of mental abuse. The half jokes when he smiles and pats Kenny on the shoulders afterwards why he just sits there...tell me thats not abuse.

The biggest, showing of the fact that Kenny went through abuse because of Don is the "vitimans." an uncessary and more then likely uncomfortable and invasive procedure on a child while Kenny hopes that itll bring him a little scrap of love? Its all a part of dons plan to keep kenny in the public eye but ulimately his.

what im saying is Kenny omega growing up with don callis, suffered horiffic mental and physical abuse [weve seen him hit Takeshita, so kenny would be no different] and thats impacted his ability to form and make relationships.

The disturbance is not part of normal cultural or religious practices.

I have nothing for this point, not knowing Kenny yknow. personally.

The symptoms cannot be due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (such as blackouts or chaotic behavior during alcohol intoxication) or a general medical condition (such as complex partial seizures).

Kenny doesnt drink or suffer from any blackouts as far as we know nothing worse than vertigo. again this is only that we know so like, I could be wrong

also just, this tweet from Kota, because who knows kenneth better than his golden lover?

[disclaimer: this is only distinctly talking about kayfabe. This headcanon isnt law and its all for fun, please dont send me hate asks.]

[i-sveikata]

Hello!

I don't want to ask about the next chapter date, but I really liked when you'd talk about future chapters here, even when it was just mentioning the percentage of writing done or any small detail. So, if you don't mind and enjoy answering questions about it, what was you favorite scene to write and the most difficult one? Anything funny/interesting about it or the writing process? Have you decided where you want the next chapter to end? Was there a scene you weren't really looking forward to writing, but it needed to happen for the sake of the plot? I hope this isn't too spoiler-y, it can be as vague as you like! Hope you have a great day ✨️

hi anon! ha thats great cause i dont know it!

totally happy to talk about the chapter! lmao i got no idea about percentage done only that (as always) the chap is likely to end up longer than i expected ahhahahaahahah.

ive been writing a lot of smut scenes so most of the overall vibe of the chap has been pretty horny lol. its always a different experience writing sex scenes because youre trying to fit a lot of working parts together like what are the main emotions being conveyed? is it sexy and sensual? is it raw and messy and violently passionate? and then there's all the practical considerations like where are their hands at? who took pants off first? did you remember to remove the socks? are they actually in the kind of position that would be physically impossible in real life? lmao. i find the most important part is making a sex scene believable because youre not going to get a reaction from an audience who doesnt believe in it. and if its not believable then even that has its own function and is fulfilling some kind of narrative purpose in the moment to underlay an unaddressed tension. it feels like there are a lot of layers to the characters in this fic and honestly that comes across into the sex too!!

so in this chap they're in a very interesting new dynamic now where pete has been the one sort of chasing Vegas (and it kind of blew up in his face a little) like sure he's admitted to being angry but he hasn't quite admitted to what that did to his trust in vegas. pete offering himself to vegas was a BIG deal and vegas running off anyway was a deep cut to pete (even if vegas also gave him the ring). and that hasn't been sufficiently addressed as yet- so pete is already falling back into old habits of being a little more guarded with himself again. and vegas is such an emotional mess at the moment he's trying to deepen their intimacy as much as he can. he wants to feel close to pete but hes at least self aware enough about his chances for that which is why hes so intent in doing it through physical means (sex and bodily intimacy). i think vegas is very sensitive to any changes to petes behaviour around him so its not going to take very long for him to pick up theres something affecting the previous easy comfort they were finding in each others company before the coup. which is also why hes coming on a lot stronger in the sense of being possessive of pete and his time around people who arent a threat to him (i.e his brother and pete's family) and then being openly hostile to people who have some kind of claim to pete (like his childhood friend poom who isnt romantically interested in pete). basically vegas is feeling insecure of their relationship just as pete is feeling a little insecure about his ability to trust vegas- they're just showing the effects of this in different ways!! (well pete isnt quite showing it as yet but he will)

hmm favourite scene atm is their messy bathroom hook up tbh it is really off the wall for them. i wouldnt say theres an especially difficult scene- i dont normally view writing like that but i have been reworking a lot of that bathroom scene because its actually going to include both POVs and ive been trying to figure out the best place for that POV shift to transition (but i think i've finally decided on a point that im satisfied with). for scenes im interested in most i tend to write those first and then build on them long enough that they end up linking together with other scenes into a comprehensive storyline so there's not really scenes i'm not looking forward to writing if that makes sense? theres obvs like the research details which i end up having to search for but i usually put in placeholders so it doesnt affect the flow of the writing whilst im doing it. i guess for your question then that it would just be the scenes that i get to last? but that doesnt necessarily mean i dont like them or arent interested in them or don't want to write them. it's weirdly a lot less conscious decision making in regards to that. im mostly just filling in scenes that i havent written yet at the moment. i usually like the ideas i come up with for the sake of the plot so there's really not that much reluctance in those plot decisions tbh!! like i came up with a connection/ backstory to the minor family/ main family rings which tankhun is planning to use to his advantage (and get petes help to do so) and it ended up tying in really well with the characterisations of Mr Korn and Mr Kan so that it slotted very neatly (imo) into the fic! i dont mind being too spoilery if people don't mind being spoiled!! but i know ppl have different standards for that so it's better (and sometimes more fun!) to be a bit vague.

thanks for the questions!! it was great to think about. hope you have a great day too! :)

[kaleidosouls]

SU reclaimed pearl rambles

im gonna use some annoying comments i got on my reclaimed pearl as a springboard for what i think could be interesting discussion because i think its good to engage with criticism/different opinions. but also if you talk to me like an asshole i want you to fuck off and i promised i wouldnt engage in that kind of stuff bc its not good for me and it doesnt Look good for me either.

so i can talk about my thoughts but not engage directly, win win. its been months but im still really fond of the pearl i made specially this art. like it coudl be better but i like it well enough. just a little header so this isnt a boring post with only text

i think like, its good to establish ground rules that like, i think most of the poor reactions ive seen towards my art were missing, mostly in bad faith probably but in case theres ppl who earnestly want to understand. actually maybe i can format it like a little FAQ even though theyre not frequent or asked lskdjg just for outlining my points. ill put it behind a cut but ill frontline w this: if youre a fan of pearl in the show, this content is not for you. youre allowed to like whatever you want and so am i. if you like her, we probably wont get along and you probably will feel very personally irritated by how i FEEL about her, so just walk away now. im not gonna engage with petty shit taht juts boils down to 'im mad you dont like what i like'

onwards to more rambling / sorta responding to some criticism

i scrolled back and i guess i sorta never have actually done a proper full explanation post about this AU have i? or maybe i have and deleted it, i forgor

why did you change pearl?

because i hate her, simple as. i went from a huge SU fan to hating watching it (i did finish) and pearl is probably The biggest reason why, as like issues with her character seep into other aspects of the show that i also hate. like i mean i Realyl hate her. she makes the experience of watching the show really irritating and miserable for me. if you dont feel taht way about her thats totally normal and whatever but no one is gonna change my experience and feelings that i had watching SU since the 1st season was coming out.; anyway answering. there is a Lot i love about SU and want to engage with, so i had the idea of like,maybe ill just change pearl, cause i wanted to delete her, really, but she is one of the main characters and she hasa function as a character that you cant just do away with. essentially im just like, some guy, who draws, coping and trying to reclaim his teenage investimetn in this show. literally its just for ME. but if anyone else feels like i do, then they can enjoy it too. if somoene doesnt feel like i do, go watch like pearl fancams or smth. like ill never be able to literlaly change the show as it is, like its happened, and its a tragedy im trying to move on from (begrudgingly)

why do you hate pearl?

the long laundry list of reasons are probably apparent in the ways i remade her lol (theyre not i can tell ppl are gonna project whatever worst bad faith reason for any change i make) but tbh the core of it is this, which is like, beyond whatever traits she has and whatever: she reminds me of my abusers. always had, from season 1, but like it became worse as the series went on. its like really infurating and upsetting to watch SU bc of her. had my abusers been a different kind of person, maybe i wouldnt hate her so much (kinda doubt tbh). like her personality and behavior are like hough disgosting!!

why did you change (some physical trait about her design)?

i dont really necessarily have a PROBLEM with canon pearls design. over the years ive come to like SU's style less and less but like, gestures, whatever. like i didnt like it or anything but its not like a bit deal compared to the actual offender that is her personality and behavior. the reason i redesigned her at all is bc like, if i hadnt, i would still be thinking about the way she is in canon all the time. like ive visually associated her like, appearance with all the shit about her thta makes me upset so i had to so she didnt look like the same person anymore, and i can try to let go of some of the hatred in my heart. like i want to think about the thigns about SU that i loved and also the potential i always saw in it and canon pearl is like, an active obstacle to that, to the point taht i cant even see her without getting like irked. i tried to keep enough similar traits so from a glance youd be like, who the fuck- is that pearl? rather than like. completely change her entirely to whatever i wanted. i do want to like, its a creative exercise. i want to try and change the things that would make me happy to see gone but try to work within the constraints of the SU we Did get as much as i can tolerate. bc like.... if the sky was the limit then at this poin wed just have to throw the whole thing away and start from scratch. like its kinda not really very salvageable, like im not rewirting SU to be like a Good show or fix Everything, its kinda too broken. im just chnaging enough so i can look at the actual show, screenshots, songs etc, and not feel overcome wtih like the grief and irriatation of how much it sucked ass. its just so i can enjoy more of it again

i dont like your redesign for (insert reason)

cool. thanks for your input. youre welcome! eat my asshole. seriously though, like, shrugs. i didnt make it for anyone other than myself. tbh im not fully satisfied with it either bc i think the SU style is kinda ugly, so im at a crossroads. should i mostly abandon the SU style? ive like, tested out tweaking things, it mightve been noticeable in screenshot redraws. drawing within the SU style is to create that coping 'oh it was totally like this haha' vibe but maybe im old enough to not need that anymore lol. like ive heard ppl say shit like shes ugly, or like sneakily trying to imply im like, got some agenda over beauty or racism etc. like whatever, think whatever you want, its not for you. go back to sucking up to rebecca or smth like i cant take the og pearl away from you still i am open for like that kind of criticism like, do i have personal biases affecting my design decisions? probably. i do try to keep aware of why im choosing certain things, but really in this case i cant emphasize enough how like, irritating it is that i have to change her design at all. like its hard to come up w smth else when the rest of the cast ahs already been design to balance off the og pearl. i probably wouldnt change almost anything if the sight of her didnt piss me the fuck off! most of all i kinda wouldve preferred to keep her hair short bc it messes up the sillouete but it makes me think too much of canon pearl so i made it long :/ i was like let me tell you my design thought process: -im gonna try to keep as many recognizable traits about her design while taking away bit by bit until she doesnt look like the og pearl to me anymore and i dont feel angry seeing her. pearl is lanky, tall, spindly, with a gem on the forehead, blue white pink yellow pastel colors, large pointed nose. i kinda tried to keep these traits while slightly tweaking their design until she looked different enough. is it a good design? eh idk. like the purpose is to make me not hate her and it does that job

now this hate comment im gonna grace with keeping it intact except removing the person bc its not about them. its like, a very stupid ass headed comment but im actually kind of interested in like,jumping off of it to ponder some things

im not heterosexual or cis enough to know what exactly wife bate means in this context so im gonna like guess, that maybe i could extract this q from that reply (also not looking like shes from steven universe is a compliment thanks)

you took away her personality and made her boring

the only thing i can assume is that like, some people must interpret the absence of an assholey personality or like abusive behavior is 'boring'. i know thats a really bad faith assumption but like, if ive written down a bunch of personality traits and you still come out saying thats 'no personality' what am i to make of that lol. based on my experience like Existing online, people tend to often call nice characters 'boring', like dude ive done it before, but i think im kinda over that edgy phase. also again, its for me and not for you so if you think shes boring, thanks for your input i dont care. but thinkign about it earnestly, i dfeintely dont want to make a character thats just no flaw and not interesting ofc, i havent done that with reclaimed pearl. that being said i havent like, probably written a lot demonstrating what i want her to be like instead of the canon pearl so, maybe ppl just are feeling lost with the lack of information.

personally, if i hear someone thinks a character is boring bc theyre not abusive anymore like, nothing of value has been lost. but characters do need flaws in order to create conflict and cause things to happen, like in a way canon pearl is like All flaw, which wouldnt be a problem except she gets away wtih all the horrible shit she did. heres some traits i want to explore with reclaimed pearl, some are similar to canon i just wanna go about it a different way: being overprotective/possessive to steven in a smothering way, projecting abandonment issues, not reaching out/communicating her emotions properly, lacking indepedence/self worth, depending on others to avoid confronting her own issues, being very passive and insecure and lacking initiative (this being the totally opposite trait that canon pearl has), stunting stevens development due to her not being ready for him to grow up and not need her anymore. and more, this is just from the top of my head. maybe thats still too 'boring' for ppl because shes not being selfish and inconsiderate enough to others so you can relate to her but i dont care :p

gosh how do i go about like, presenting the content i ahve in my head for this AU).. i cantjust remake the whole damn show. i would if i could, tbh

i have concerns about racist implications wrt (insert thing here about my redesign)

imma be frank. i dont know how to compltely 'clean up' any possible bad associations wrt pearl as a character given how like, rebecca has literally like, made her to be a slave in love with her slave owner and made it to be like, an uwu ideal lesbiab thing for most of the show until they tried to pretend no we understood the flaws in this dynamic all along and its bad actually , uhh, anyway shows over haha

ill say the main reason i changed her skintone is, bc that would be the like most instant way to make her look differnt from canon (which is vital for me for the reasons said above), and i did consider like, does this make the whole thing worse, or, ?? like, as they made it in the show, techincally All the gems are slaves to the diamonds, arent they? including all the very totally progressive poc based gems including and specially the ones who are made to be understood as black women. bruh like idk what to tell you this show is just fuckig bad sdlgkj like its just way too like, pervasive in my teen years forme to throw the baby w the bathwater entirely. and ill just straight up say it, like, im not a specialist on these topics nor do i hav ea position of authority to speak on about it. like the pearls read more clearly as slaves (very intentionally by the showrunners) bc they are meant to be subservient to gems Other than diamonds. and also bc they like fit in the stereotype of housemaid servant. like the rubies being made to just be forced to go and fight like they are slaves too, they have no rights and no like, authority to disobey or autonomy. but fsr like, slavery as in physical labor just doesnt immeidately set off ppls alarms as much as housework slavery does fsr.

i can only rly like change the canon so much and try to like, tweak things so it doesn feel as gross but i think for it to be cmpletely not insneistive at all youd have to throw away the whole show. and like i said, this isnt like me saying like im making the show good or as it shouldve been, im making it so I (and ppl who share my feelings about the show) can feel less shitty just thinking back to it. its just an exercise. im not like mass media im just one independent artist and shit will come out insensitve sometimes and im sorry but im also like, my art isnt meant to be representative and like, responsiuble for fixing all of society and racism like i actually cant do that. ill just do the best i can as an asian dude but like, if my work makes you upset, im sorry, but also just block me. like i cant please everyone. or like, even better, make YOUR take on pearl taht you feel would be better, like make the art you feel should exist.

this post is too damn long and id be surprised if anyone reads all of it but if you do, tahnk you! i felt kinda like ready to fight tonight so im triyng to redirect it from aggression to like, thinking. i cant guarantee im making new content for su reclaimed anytime soon but i would really like to, tbh

[mananyx]

Ok, so its not surprised for everyone here that i like the MCU and that i have an hyperfixation towards it for better or worse. But i have to clarify that i dont think the MCU its a perfect franchise, there are certain entries that i genuinely dont like and others that i still dont want to watch because lack of interest or for anxiety (which it tends to change overtime). And its truth that im not very good when it comes to analizing media, but when I like a MCU movie or show, im completely sure that its because its great, i have a long list. But for this post i want to start with She Hulk.

I know that a lot of people dislike the show or they are not interested in watching it because they are tired of the comedy in the MCU or just tired of the MCU in general, or just because the CGI looks not very good, or some jokes just didnt work (im seeing you twerking scene), and also because is not realistic when it comes to handling courts and laws. And all of that its totally understandable, you dont have to watch or like the show if you dont want to. But i genunely have reasons to think that this show is great despite its flaws.

For me She Hulk is different from anything the superhero genre in movies and shows has ever done before because is a show that at first refuses to be a superhero show in the first place, despite the fact that Jen has powers, she just doesnt want to be a superhero, she just wants her life and her show to be just a simple and comedic lawyer show, so there is a bigger focus on her cotidian life as a civilian instead on her superhero identity doing superhero cool stuff, which in other superhero stuff most of the time is the opposite (or is the spiderman case in which despite Peter wanting to have a normal, he sees spiderman as a responsability that he is willing to accept), which is why i like the comedy of this show when the jokes are based or how Jen is trying to look for happiness in her own life despite those changes, and how she doesnt even try to be a role model to be inspired by little girls like Captain Marvel or Ms Marvel because she doesnt care for all of that, and a lot of times it feels very charming and wholesome.

But despite all of that the plot and the society constantly put her in superheroic situations wether she likes it or not, she is recognized as a superhero for the society, and her frustration is the feeling that she doesnt have control of her own life. Another thing that reflects that is how much she wants to be liked by people as just Jen, but everyone one around her just pay attention to her as She Hulk, whether its with love and admiration, or its with hate, and that affects her specially when it comes to dating, because despite of how much she wants to have a romantic relationship, men just wants to date her as She Hulk, but they are not willing to be interested in Jen. And i mean, a lot of people in the world have this anxiety in which your friends and relatives and romantic interests just like one part of you but they are not willing to like you as you as a whole, which tends to break relationships.

And what makes things worse is that she has to deal with incels as her enemies, men who extremely hate her for being popular and for having powers to the point of stalking her on internet and on real life with the purpose of making her life miserable. The only thing is that those topics are getting more explicit in the last three episodes, when the others still feel very light and sitcom, so i understand why most people didnt notice those topics to begin with and thought that show was just funny and thats it. And I feel like most of the time this show understand how hard it is to live as a woman. And despite me not being a woman i still relate to all of that because i myself have failed in having romantic relationships because of my own personality.

And with all of that it can be clear that Jen has an inner anger inside of her, despite the fact that in the first episode she said to Bruce that she is better controlling her anger than him, she just said that in a matter of overconfidence, but after dealing with a lot of situations, she ends up realizing that she is not so different from Bruce, even she can lose control of her anger, and when she does, everyone sees her as a monster. So she even have to learn to make peace with her own anger in the same way Bruce did years ago.

With all of that i want to say that for me She Hulk is the show that proves that most MCU main characters from Phase 4 and 5 has humanity and they are not just their suits.

[cellclothism]

I have more questions!

Was blue/yellow(?) rectangle also not alive at first, or was he always just some guy?

What is Flaggy like? She's my fav so I need to know

What is Clock's damage? Does he become sane upon losing his pendulum?

1. hes just the same as br ^_^ . main difference is that the reveal of yellow rectangle (sure ill call him that) coming to life happens a lot sooner hehesjdk. based on his personality alone i know that guy would NOT be able to keep steady for as long as blue rectangle . i feel like after towel wins the challenge in ep4 he'd get way too excited and accidentally 'reveal himself' like jumping up and screaming "YEAH !!!! i knew you could do it!" . another thing is instead of towel making him as a pretend friend, she made him out of newspapers and colored cardboard as a study for object anatomy . bc shes a fucking nerd !!!!!!!!

2. the exact opposite of how she is in canon, probably ! shes mean as hell, lol . she loooves stirring trouble in the group + watching others fight is her favorite hobby !!! shes fairly immature .... she reminds me of how clock was (kind of?) in early voo . she doesnt trust anyone else to do anything because obviously shes right all the time and she'll totally win this challenge for the team, duh . her relationship with banner and pennon is ... complicated . but its not good thats for certain

3. not sure what you mean by 'his damage' but if you mean why he acts like a crazy person (lol) theres really not much of an explanation for that , hes just kind of ??? you know. BUT i did have an idea that maybe his pendulum was attached wrong and thats why hes like that , so that works i guess . and if it gets detached , yeah he does act generally normal. not exaactly, but more normal than how he usually behaves lol

[doomzday-zone]

sighsss see like......... idk. i hink its more of a moral thing than like, having actual evidence for it. and also i think its people also giving William a lot of the benefit of the doubt, considering we dont actually see what evens death does to william thru his eyes, personally. hut still smth abt this conclusion just doesnt !!!! sit right with me !!

first even if we dont see it from williams eyes i do still think his actions can be very telling as well..? and i just cant recall any precedent being set about..... williams remorse....or guilt orrr grief or whatever? like i just don't think thats a part of him we see in the games. so when people put that onto him it just feels like.... like WHERE did this come from 🤨 ?

whereas we HAVE seen. williams egotism..... and even disregarding the stuff we get that more evidently reflects this even just looking at his actions earlier in the series yknow???? yknow????? and i think its just, more likely of a thing to...... put in that. like slot ig if that makes sense . like it makes marginally more sense to attribute his child resurrections to the ego r whatever of it than anything else.

but also its just likeeee !!! like we'll probably never really get a clear cut THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT WILLIAM AFTON THOUGHT AND FELT ABOUT THIS EVENT: (and this is excluding the books since i havent read the big novels so i cant say anything particular about his characterization there) yknow what i kean though???? well jever REALLY KNOW the kind of impact evans death had on william to the T. i can just say for certain its just really off to me......

AND. NOT TO MAKE THIS ABOUT MOVIE AFTON but i think this also proves my thoughts abt him???? like literally all of them?????? wr never ONCE see him like wracked by guilt and while we dont get an EXACT motivation for killing ppl i like .

like people r so obsessed with figuring out EXACTLY whats wrong with him and EXACTLY this and that that i think people miss the point. Severely. much like in real life its not as simple as, 'well this thing happened to them so this is why their evil!' people are EXTREMELY. EXTREMELY NUANCED AND COMPLICATED. and again WELL MIST LIKELY NEVER GET AN EXACT REASON WHY HES LIKE THIS. AND I DONT THINK WE NEED TO AND tbh i think itd probably make him less realistic and compelling.

William Afton is a serial killer, hes a serial killer who murders children. he does not need a deep psychoanalysis n whatever shit, again like REAL LIFE SERIAL KILLERS theres no looking at everything and pining smth down for sure you cant. you cant truly comprehend someone like that, theres a million possible reasons why william could be like this, and while no. i dont think he was just capital e Evil brok the day he was born the fact of the matter is we dont have enough info about him BEFORE all of this to be sure.

i think the most likely scenario is that it was a slow incline, its possible he killed small animals before this perhaps in his youth, maybe he accidentally killed someone and it pushed him even further down this path. obviously he didnt just Become this one day, it was most likely a long time coming. again: Normal Well Adjusted Individuals Dont Just Start Serial Murdering Children <3333

and like....... yea...... just. yea....... i dont think its a totally unreasonable conclusion to make. i just dont think its really correct or the Most reasonable all considering.

i just think like, obv we didnt get a true backstory for william afton, there are bits of him we just will not understand and arent relevant to the story at hand, there IS a reason why we dont see further back for him. and ik this might be hard to grasp in a fandom where 95% of everyone tries to piece everything together PERFECTLY to find the FULL TRUE 100% SOLVED answer. but thats just? not the point of fnaf, like in general? i mean if it was we would have a more conclusive timeline wouldnt we? and i just think this is also encapsulated in william afton himself.

my onion 🧅