#thats my logic lol
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Helianthus Child
Rest, my sweet boy, Under the hot glaze of the sunlight, Sway along on the waves insight, Being the delicate sun in delight, You stayed strong on your upright. My beautiful sunflower the hot summer, Kunikida Doppo
#KunikidaDoppo#BungouStrayDogs#BSD#bsd fanart#digital art#digital drawing#artwork#anime fanart#artists on tumblr#bsd kunikida#bsd art#bungo stray dogs#It was supposed to be the picture for Kunikida birthday but it wasnt able to finish on time#Loving him even after 2 months lol#Hot summer = sunflower#thats my logic lol#He finally rest free from stress and traumas //PUNCH#IM SORRY#I was hurted too I swear#but still think again yea he finally gotten the rest he deserved#only until when by asagiri#thats why for the time he is RESTING in MY MIND#How would Dazai react if his partner who he always annoyed had finally leave him
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i wanted to write a quick 3-chapter fic for day 4 of loa shiptober (how they met i think) and i (a fool) was like. yeah. i could totally write 3 chapters in a few hours. i was wrong. SO wrong. haven’t even finished kremy’s (the first one).
so instead have a maybe-past-kremy design that im conflicted about compared to his current design, as a peace offering
#i kinda hate this ngl#im still writing it it’ll be like a week or two late tho skfjd#i spend like 20 minutes playing around with one 5-line paragraph#logical human brain says edit after getting the story out#but the worms consuming it say “it has to be good on the first draft or else you suck” and i cant argue with that#i like to think that kremy used to dress kind of dark and simple bc he didnt have that much money to spend on luxuries#and he saved up for his silly fancy suit#and spooky fancy cane#and silly fancy tophat!#he has fun with it i think#kremy doesnt draw on a mustache every day for nothing gotta give him his flowers#not too sure how i feel about my past kremy design tbh#i did just pull up pinterest and search up suit. so. thats on me lol#let me know what yall think#thanks for reading my tag rambles mwah mwah#kremy appreciation <3#once upon a witchlight#legends of avantris#kremy lecroux#ouaw fanart#my art
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[Two panel digital comic using Leo and Draxum from ROTTMNT. The background is a simple grey, and the characters a lighter one. In the first panel, Draxum is wearing a robe and looking off to the side while scratching his chest. Next to him, Leo is gesticulating and smiles as he rambles. He says "-So sometimes people can hyperfixate on stuff like shows or movies or books as their topic of interest! Also sometimes they can kinda go dormant for a while but then come back, that's kinda been my experience with Jupiter Jim. I always come back to that franchise, y'know? And some people will get really invested in a particular character rather than the show as a whole." In the next panel, Draxum stop scratching his chest and looks at Leo, and says "Wait, so like Medea." Leo lowers his hands slightly and says "Like what now". End I.D.]
Draxum: this is Medea she is my blorbo and she's done nothing wrong ever :)
Leo: she literally killed her own kids???
Draxum: i support women's wrongs
Anyway Draxum is a nerd about ancient Greek plays to me lol
#rottmnt#rottmnt au#minor interference au#rottmnt baron draxum#rottmnt leo#leonardo hamato#my art#rottmnt fanart#rise of the tmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#also logically no leo would not know who medea is before this draxum would have to explain it to him i think#but thats harder to explain with a punchline lol#also the word blorbo technically wouldnt exist yet but whatevs it gets my point across lol
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saying "if aroace people can date, then can lesbians date men?" is absolutely aphobic narrative btw!
#sorry just have to say this lol#so tired of people generalizing all aroace people as romance averse#its absolutely erasure of the rest of the spectrum#the top tweet isnt so bad depending on who theyre talking about#if a character ACTUALLY is canonically romance/sex aversed then yea its weird to erase that#but if they're canonically AROACE and you go 'erm that character cannot date or have sex🤓☝️' ur being aphobic as fuck#the 'shown no attraction to anyone' part kind of throws me off there#i hate when people say 'well this character didnt have feelings for anyone in the one year time span of the show so theyre romance aversed-#and nobody can ship them or else i'll harass u and subtweet u!1!!'#like. a characters life may not involve sex or romance at all fucking times. that does not make them aroace.#ur headcanon- even if you think its based on a logical conclusion- is not reality#sometimes yall just be making shit tf up#complaining about 'fanon' as if ur not the one pretending ur hc is real and treating everyone else like theyre the bad ones#but if that tweet is just saying that IN ADDITION to theyre canon identity then yea. thats valid.#their* </3#obviously the reply is fucking disgusting#i couldnt reply directly cuz my twitter is priv#people will say this kind of shit to ME- AN AROACE PERSON#u preach about aro/ace erasure but when an actual aroace walks in you tell them their way of being aroace is wrong#not everyone is the fucking same.#non-partnering aroaces deserve more rep but telling partnering aroaces that their way of being aroace is wrong is genuinely horrific#like actually fuck u#aromantic#asexual#aroace#arospec#meowing (yapping)
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the thing is, i wouldn't be nearly as bothered about mitch not being on the top line if it wasn't being treated as some kind of proof that he's never been good enough to play there and that it hurts the team or drags auston down when he does. i don't care about domi ultimately, he's an effective player (when he's not taking boneheaded penalties) and obviously it helps to spread out our best guys to make each line that little bit harder to play against by forcing the other team to decide how to matchup. whatever. i don't agree with keefe's choices there but i get the intent.
what i do care about is one of the best players this franchise has ever seen being treated like some kind of anchor holding the team (and auston specifically) back from achieving greatness and using domi's success with auston (BECAUSE of auston tyvm) to paint him as some selfish jealous (genuinely wtf @ this fanfiction in particular coming from an actual media guy) brat pouting over being ~demoted~ when he's never not done what has been asked of him (which is literally fucking everything) and has always been fully on board any time he's been paired with johnny!! or anyone else!! like these are all mitch's guys!!! he loves them and this team /so much/!!!! like i genuinely can't imagine the list of things he loves more than being a leaf is very long
i'm just so tired of so many (non-tumblr) fanspaces being dominated by people who have made an entire personality out of treating him like one of the worst things that's ever happened to the leafs (and, again, auston specifically) because idk they hate his dumb dad (welcome to the club weirdos!!!) and/or can't "forgive" him for his contract. even the critique of him in the playoffs is overblown in comparison to the rest of the team and the goalposts for what it means to be a ~playoff performer~ always seem to find a way to shift as needed to single him out as some kind of unique failure among the group which.. rme for all time
anyway sorry for venting lmao it's just such a bummer but WHATEVER here's to mitchell daniel marner having the best damn playoffs of his damn life!!!!!!!! go leafs go
ohhh anon. so many things i can (and will) say here, but you and i are totally on the same wavelength, lol. that's what has made this stretch so much worse imo... auston on a hot streak with two mid guys and workable chemistry (for now) all around, and we try spreading out the "offense" but actually... for the leafs... i think spreading the offense is less what we're doing w 1634 and more... shifting defensive responsibility off of our 'top' line and giving them easier matchups by putting the tougher ones with the mcmann-jt-marner line bc mitch is there now to take on some more defensive responsibility that isn't doable by players like willy/whoever else plays rw there. (which annoys me in it's own way bc it makes the 'top' line look more impressive stat wise while not even dealing with the most dangerous 'top' line on the other team, lol but.. it's still gonna require auston to be On Top of it all the time bc he's by himself defensively.. only reason it annoys me is the discourse afterward too like anyway). mitch and auston are our best all around players by quite a bit, lol, so i get WHY splitting them up works well too, but when people get mad that they're together so much... when they've proven to work better and be more dangerous year after year as a duo... i mean, peoples anger should be at the rest of the lineup that sometimes doesn't pull their own weight in that regard, lol. i get the experiment we're running rn. i'm not confident it will work, but we will see. i don't care if it does or doesn't... doesn't change the fact that ultimately, i know they want to play together the most and that hasn't changed bc of some randos that came in this year so. i genuinely think auston requests to play with mitch often after not being allowed to for a couple years, and this year he's sucking it up for the playoffs and trying something different for the sake of the team.
as for the way a lot of people treat mitch as expendable... it's so frustrating to me too... just the double standards abt him vs anyone else are insane. even tonight, seeing people lose their fucking minds over max reposting a fan's hype video without credit and assuming he made it (?? lol) and drooling all over themselves about how he "has the passion", but like... mitch had a video made last year and people were telling him to get off social media and perform better in the playoffs in the exact same spaces like. if he even comes on social media near the playoffs, it's always just hateful. honestly.... so many leaf fans don't deserve him and don't deserve to see a cup in their entire lifetimes either, lol. it makes my relationship with this team so much more complicated to have such a hate for the fanbase like that. like . this year, i just care so much less about the team as a whole too. i'm less connected to the overall results, lmao. i love the leafs and want my guys specifically to be able to win the cup in their lifetime more than anything, but i realllyyy don't care about some of these ppl on our team and i hate how the worst fans in this fanbase feel so vindicated over the dumbest ugliest shit. like i'd give anything to not have to see braindead opinions for a single day. as much as i'm rooting for them, if this isn't the year... well. we move, lol. i wouldn't die! (which is exactly why they'll prob do it this year lol) i'll feel competitive while watching the playoffs, esp vs the bruins, but like... whatever happens happens man. my men will be coming back and i hope some other ones won't, regardless of playoff results. sometimes it's even less about the player himself and more about the idiots attached.
all i literally care about this year is mitch's performance since we're going into a contract year for him. nothing he could possibly do would get people off his back but that, and somehow his points never seem to matter in the playoffs bc they're in games we're already winning ?? but yeah. the willy is our best playoff performer narrative makes me fucking laugh man........ like people will lower their standards and move their goalposts and do ANYTHING to make it seem like mitch is cancerous and the reason we keep losing and everyone else steps up when he doesn't and it's just a fucking lie. morgan is the only one with visible elevation in the playoffs imo, and . idk. maybe the way the team's structured rn and shifting players to different lines will work. maybe it won't. we won a round not doing it last year, so it's not like that's THE make or break thing and we haven't even seen this lineup play a single meaningful game in the last month fnlkdsjf or a singular playoff game so. it's all a LOT of big talk. at the end of the day.. if the leafs ever make it to the cup.. itll be 1634 passing it to each other and their names next to each other and that's all i want for them, honestly. leafs duo of all time regardless of the dumbasses the 23-24 season has emboldened.
#easks#and yeah mitch isnt the one complaining behind the scenes on this team!! ppl will do anything to act like mitch has some blackmail material#or pauls calling the shots for some reason like. no... thats auston ur talking abt.. and hes whipped i fear. none of u in ur lil#mental fanfics have the correct characterization of ur superstar center :/ he's a bitch n a diva n he wants what he wants#sacrificing more fun and beautiful hockey for the sake of balance bc he's a logical n rational man. even tho its uglier.#i do love that ppl are taking mitch on the second line as like. here's why he sucks and these two rando wingers are better and not the trut#which is heres why hes the second best player on our team and gonna free up room for ur mediocre asses to help our star score more#i just love when ppl clearly have no comprehension skills of whats going on w a hockey lineup. l#anyone can plug in that top rw or lw spot rn and itd work fine babe. thats whats going on#anyway never apologize.. ive been so frustrated the last few months so thanks for givin me a place to vent too#mitchless hockey on top of the worst ppl alive yapping all fucking day for week after week is soul killing#i wouldnt be a fan of the leafs if mitch or auston wasnt here lol#way more a player fan than a team fan but. by extension this is my team#and i definitely do not support them all bc thats not how it works#people before dumbass crest all day every day
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was starting to hijack in the tags of that post i just reblogged but ohhhhh it is so juicy to me that the end of TKM is just part of the rising action of andrew's character arcs. and yet the way the novel leaves off, you can have so much hope in the ways its going to continue -- especially because neil proves to us on the last page that he's going to fight like hell to hold onto him whatever comes next.
it's just !!!! all andrew's deals are done. neil's big happy moment of relationship security comes from the fact that andrew didn't deny its existence lol. BUT neils correct to be happy about this, because he knows andrew is a black & white thinker, and he's entering unchartered territory! all his lil lies he uses to duct tape his sanity together are coming apart, and that break is going to be FASCINATING. i doubt it'll be explosive or anything -- andrew's more the "quietly self-destruct climax" type than the "defeat the mafia thru the power of sports climax" type -- but it'll sure be something interesting. and then once it all breaks, we know he'll have neil and kevin and his family and the foxes to help him heal -- and he'll have to believe it when they show they care about him, because he literally doesn't owe anyone anything
#i think thats why all my aus put andrew in his Self Destruct Era#because im just so positive that he well on his way to that at the end of tkm#actually im amending the tags a bit bc i think what i sometimes end up doing w him in aus is a product of the fact that my stories rarely#have extreme external plot elements#like andrew never thinks neil DIES lol#baltimore is so fucking integral to andrews development#he did not have time to do the full self destruct 'oh no can i live without him' era because#he literally got tested on that and he FAILED HAHAHA#so he def knows that he needs neil#the crux of the conflict still is -- can he accept this without hating himself?#because if THATS not addressed then eventually his logic is going to warp#and hes going to do stupid shit#and yeah :) i love when he does stupid shit and then ppl are like#NOPE. unfortuantely you have fucked up severely#and in order to get back what you cant live without#you must board the Self Love Express !!!!#its a journey lil man!!!!!#youre gonna hate it!!!!!!!! youre gonna go on it anyway!!!!#SCRMEEEEAMMMM i love andrew minyard
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Sick of BigB ruining the wonderful relationship that is Scarian. Where is BigB saving Grian from the horrible relationship that is Scarian.
#god I hope people read the second sentence before blocking me 😭 first sentence so bad#to be clear I am a scarian fan but in double life BIGGRI SWEEP!!!!!!!!!#and I love scar with all my heart and I’m all for antagonizing Grian but in double life I THINK SCAR IS IN THE WRONG!!!!#like as a scar main. That Guy Was NOT A Good Soulmate To Grian.#and I’m sick of people acting like GRIAN is WRONG for trying to get a new soulmate. like logically yes that makes zero sense idiot#but EMOTIONALLY. he deserved to get a new man. BIGB IS ONLY WRONG FOR CHEATING ON REN WHICH WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING ANYWAY!!#BIGB IS NOT THE BAD GUY FOR MESSING UP SCARIAN WE SHOULD THANK HIM!!!!#ugh it’s like ‘write what u wanna see in the world’ brother what am I supposed to write. the canon? cuz THATS ALL I WANT#this is just what I see when I watch double life but ALLL the fan content is ‘poor scar :(‘ F THAT GUY!! (c!dl!scar I mean lol)#like I said I love scar. but double life scar is soo… I love him too but grian doesn’t deserve that lol#I think I’ve already made posts about it but if anyone wants to hear me talk more about this then u can ask!! idc
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im gonna start screaming in 3...2....1....
#i dont get it man#how are people doing this#this living and functioning like an adult and not getting absolutely overwhelmed by the smallest thing#i need to clean my flat so bad. but i dont know where to start and it's quite literally killing me.#its like a goddamn paralysis. i cant move. because i dont know. where. to. start.#also i started doing laundry in the wrong order and it ruined my whole fucking day lol#and now that this part is ruined i literally cant bring myself to do anything else because it just feels Wrong#and i have a train to catch at 4 pm and technically i know thats 9 hours away and that's A Lot. like logically. i know.#but i still feel like that's not enough time#fuck me fuck me fuck me why is my brain like this
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Rewatching FMA is so funny like I was utterly in love with Ed back when I was in 8th grade. Then I look at myself now, captivated by a different blonde amputee in a bright red coat and it's like
Yup. Time is a circle.
#speculation nation#ed was one of 3 characters i had as my 'husbands' back in 8th grade#the others being tmm's Kisshu and naruto's Shikamaru#i would write my name in katakana with all 3 of their last names appended to mine#now those who know tmm may see the logical error in that. given that kisshu does not have a last name.#but rest assured! it was revealed to me in a dream :]#in 8th grade lol. guess i wanted him to have a last name so bad i just dreamed one up & then took it as fact.#i dont remember what it was now. but thats the spirit of it.#anyways yea the edward to vash pipeline is real#ppl constantly make comparisons between them and for Good Reason. there really are some similarities.#anyways ive been loving fma all over again. having a great time ❤️
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i mean i should probably stop saying shit just to be mean
#on the other hand....#the social environment cultivated on here almost demands it lest i let people walk all over me#definitely one of those skills i picked up in childhood to survive social situations back then#not a great skill. not even one i particularly like using. in fact i hate this part of me that feels the need to be judgemental#the logical part of me- the more ~~evolved~~ part of my spirit you could say knows its stupid and has hated doing it since forever#i completely stopped for a while. and then my abusive ex did all the shit they did so i felt like i had to dig that judgemental asshole sid#back up to defend myself bc ik thats the level they operate on. but it also started being the level a lot of ppl on here operated on soon#after (and im not entirely unconvinced they weren't an influence as to why people became more of an asshole on here)#(them or twitter. probably a mix of both but mostly twitter users coming here lol. also had to be an ass on twitter to survive)#so now i feel like i have to cling on to this side of myself i was more than happy to let rot in the dirt bc if i dont then people are gonn#use my vulnerability and niceness and lack of desire to use ad hom n shit against me so they can bully and abuse me and say whatever#and i have to keep this image up of being unphased and happy all the time and then i snap and then its a whole problem to people#so basically be nothing ever bc ppl on here will think thats you forever moral of story i guess im not sure.#best advice i can give: dont exist online publicly in any significant way. if you wanna be a pfpless. bioless account that is your god give#fuckin right okay. never are you obligated to be part of this shit and im personally telling you its hell and if i knew then what i knew#now i would have never started coming on to tumblr in the first place. its cool i learned about all this queer stuff or whatever but it#sucks otherwise#tumblr. twitter. insta. any social media where the point is to make posts and write posts more than anything else#dont bother. so much is lost in text-style communication. bridging gaps is nearly impossible. you will always be misunderstood#i think thats the case for most vocal communication but ESPECIALLY digitally
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Ok but has anyone ever done a Geats sponsor switch!AU because
#kamen rider geats#i'm open to suggestions bc after my geats/lop wip i want to give it a try as well#but i'm wondering whats the best switching combination#and so far probably the most non-negotiable one for me is kekera/na-go#she already has the tragic bg kekera is looking for after all sdfghjkl#ziin/buffa is also strong bc its the TOTAL OPPOSITE of beroba#that prob would make a 360 turn and torment michinaga the same way sdfghjkl#following that logic i prob would go for beroba/geats but#ace is so op and plot armored idk how beroba would torment him lol#but I at least would love to see ace struggle /at least a bit bc c'mon everything is too easy for him/#and that leaves kyuun/tycoon which kinda also opposites to kekera i think?? altho idk how that would work too#in this switch i clearly switched the evil sponsors with the good ones bc thats the fun part but mmmm#or i can go for kyuun/geats since a stars over stars over stars would clearly have a fan/hater dfghjkl#and that leaves beroba/tycoon oH SHIFHXKVNXOXCKV WHATS THAT// EPISODE 40 COMING EARLIER???#for real that would already be too similar to his canon arc so idk idk ANYWAY
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personally i dont think karen using ziggs correct pronouns is like proof the chasitys r like so awesome and chill abt trans ppl like . legit feel like they arent like everyones entitled to their opinions on it yk ofc but imo it kinda takes away from the commentary of the harm of fundamentalist xtian views esp when they r canonically homophobic ones and ones clearly based in like. gender roles to act like transphobia isnt part of those harmful views yk but like i do have my own takes on those lines in hatchet town being. number 1 the kindaa boring one lol is that the songs in the show are non diagetic yk so its kinda like when ur telling a story abt ur friend whos nonbinary and like their mom or whoever is transphobic or theyre not out to her nd u have to mention smth their mom said abt them in the story but its not at all relevant to the story tht theyre closeted to her or she doenst respect their identity and like regardless u dont wanna deadname nd misgender ur friend so ur gonna say it like she was using the right name and pronouns assuming ur talking to someone theyre out to right. what im saying is the meta narrative (and also team starkid bc i suspect the real not in universe reason is they didnt wanna misgender both the character and their actor whos actually non binary which is like rly valid nd fair yk like esp in the instance of the simple hatchet town cameo irrelevent to any other hypothetical commentary i think itd feel less like an actual commentary on transphobia and more like. just pointless and somewhat transphobic in an of itself yk) is ziggs friend in this analogy and its not going misgender them even if it is repeating something karen said thank you very much ! and number 2 the less boring one is that ziggs nonbinary swag is so powerful tht the transphobes of hatchetfield dont know how to misgender them so theyre forced to respect their identity bc they dont know how to disrespect it lol
#yayyy thts my thoughts on it. sorry but the like. posts claiming the chasitys r like respecting for trans ppls pronouns despite everything#else with them did kinda bug me like u can think that if u wanna ig but to me it ignores how like.#homophobia and transphobia and sexism and purity culture are all intertwined with each other esp with the views we know the#chasitys have yk ? and i think ziggs being too powerful to deadname is better and awesomer. sorry for talking like rainbow dash(saying awes#starkid#nerdy prudes must die#ziggs hatchetfield#hatchetfield#karen chasity#also i like both of these . the first is like the logical reason the second is the fun one. so i think im gonna go with that#but i also do like the first explenation. and yes i do think that npmd songs are non diagetic. i think for npmd and bf they kinda have to b#or thats an implication mountation with pokey. like if in some timelines/universes everything already is a musical why not mess with one of#those ones then and just make the musical whatever you want it to be . feel like it id be a lot easier just sayin#or if in those timelines is everything already infected then why is wiggly taking over why wld u make a deal with the lords if like.#ur already under their infulence yk like pokeys thing is singular voice i dont think he wants to get his brothers involved as much lol#just doesnt work either way yk lol . anyway not rly the point#flappy rambles
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like its actually so joever
#had to skip diffeq yesterday for my stupid digital logic design lab#which i didnt finish because the instructions straight up lied to me so i had to restart#and obviously i couldnt get it working in time since the pre lab was just Do the lab outside of lab#because you werent going to have wnough time to do the lab in the lab#and i cant go to the friday section because its packed and im actually going to get kicked out#bc they dont have enough boards for wverybody#so i have to go to my tas office hours which are in the middle of my diffeq class#and we have a quiz every thursday which is when my tas office hours are#and like they hand the quiz out at the end of class which is like 40 mins after my tas office hours end#but the issue is for complicated reasons it takes me like about an hour minimum each way to get to my lab#and thursday is obviously tomorrow so i have to finish redoing my prototype by tonight#but i have work from 4-8 and i skipped yesterdays ode#so i have no idea what the thursday quiz is going to be on#and obviously i havent studied at all and i need to do that because this professor sucks#and actually hates giving partial credit like straight up he gave me a 50% on a question i got right#because i forgot my plus c and didnt check my work#and also to make my tas office hours i have to skip my physics class in its entirety#which is really bad because theyre going to be covering the stuff thats on our quiz#which conevniently happens to be on the day of the career fair#and which i need to do really well on because i got a 70 on the last one#but considering the class mean and median was a 50 i guess im not doing all that bad#but this professor will kill himsef before he curves#and i havent even looked at my programming assignment thats due on sunday#so basically everything is horrible and its week four lol
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had a dream last night that Dan and Phil were going on tour again and the tour abbreviation was also BeTS (idk what it was supposed to stand for in this context) and I got offended that Dan and Phil secretly became carats without me knowing bc why else would the tour abbreviation be the same as be the sun 😭
#like admittedly its not like i keep up w them super closely i just watch the gaming channel and thats it these days#but IF they were to become carats i should be the first to know about it 😤 lol#or at least i guess that was my dream logic#idk if this is super interesting but i found it funny lol#melia.txt
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69 also listening to when doves cry and it reminds me of you :D
69: Do you believe in soulmates?
i do!! not necessarily in the "theres one specific person out there meant for you" way but there are people in my life that do i feel like i was meant to meet. like yeah we r supposed to be in each others lives. you r one of them obviously 🫶
i dunno im hesitant to use the word soulmate at least 2 describe the specific way i feel but when i think abt the people most important to me its like. well my life would be drastically different and also worse without you in it.
it also varies. like meeting kc n kadin at the mcr barricade is one of the strongest feelings of "fate" i've experienced in my life bc that led to meeting even more of my dear sweet friends n mutuals. which also led to flying my ass to chicago for fall out boy.
#i do feel strongly abt this lol#also omg :D i was listening to mystery girl n i thought of u#idk im not a huge fan of the idea of soulmates when the interpretation is like.#'the universe brought us together bc we perfectly complete each other and it feels like weve known each other our whole lives'#kinda hokey imo. i know it also sounds similar to what i was saying but like. i feel like that specific line of thinking is like. throwing#away logic in favor of the idea of having a soulmate. i think thats what frustrates me. once you assign a person the title of soulmate#it feels like you care more about the idea of having a soulmate vs living your life alongside someone you really care about#this is way more than i intended to write. LOL my lunch is almost over#BYE LOVE U 🫶🫶🫶#rigby
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✨️Magenta✨️
#I've been really sad lately#its logical I've had a lot happen and a lot going on#and I've been mostly bedridden the past week cause of fibro flares#my brain can see the logic of why my body feels burnt out and why i feel anxious#but i also have this profound sense of loneliness that's been weighing on my chest#I feel the need to isolate and get away from people because it feels like it doesn't matter how much i try to blend in someone#will catch onto me being an “alien” or not quite fitting their mold or having a difference of opinion and i get bullied or ostracized#out of participating with folks or doing activities#and i get so overwhelmed by people and their literal energy/vibes that it feels as though I'm caught in a sneaker wave and being pulled#from shore and this is compounded on top of that feeling of being surrounded by people like tons of them who may even enjoy your company#but still feel very much isolated and alone the whole time#it could be winter triggering trauma responses in me due to childhood abuse related to the holidays#and then there's me trying to brainstorm how i can make money with my creativity when i have little to no help with anyone#and no one will give me a chance to bounce ideas and get a third persons opinion#its felt like this since i can remember: people value that i listen and reflect all the while show compassion#and then when i really need it myself and attempt to reach out i get the door shut in my face#it feels like the only people that have truly listened to me are therapists lmao and it hurts cause its like i gotta pay someone#just to listen to me go off on this idea i have for a side hustle a creative pursuit something i love#and i can't really share that with anyone irl because I'm supposed to be everyones therapist#and its shitty i dont get paid for it if thats the case lol#i feel like tumblr is the only spot I really have where i can share a lot of myself and make things that make others and myself happy#i don't know what id do without it#magenta is my safe word for venting#thanks for coming to my tedtalk as i write into the void#getting shit off my chest at 4am#i aint gettin no sleep cause of yall yall not gon get no sleep cause of meeee
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