#thats it for life updates i guess
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i highly recommend being the biggest fan of one of your friends ocs btw. because sometimes they will just. draw them for you. and its the best thing in the world.
also you can draw fanart of them and just. send it to them. and it makes both of you super happy so its a win win
be your friends biggest fan guys. its so much fun. comment on every chapter of their fanfic. spam reblog their art. yell at the world about how cool and talented they are. you wont regret it
#this is about my besties leon and hylian especially#their ocs orion and kate rotate in my head constantly#wait now i wanna reread all the kate fics#thats my evening plans sorted then i guess!!#life updates with jelly
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Guys guess who might b getting glasses next month
#pawl3ss#life update#STORYTIME'N IN HERE BC I WANT TO :3#so like uh i had vision problems for a long time and tbh i didnt think it was THAT bad#like i could see enough to guess what was going on. slight blur ykwim#and i thought that everyone sees smt like that#like everyone sees it not that good and cant see things from a specific uhhh lenght idk how to call it aughhh#but like today in class we were only 4 kids (no idea where the others went) and we were trying on one of the girls glasses for funsies#and both of the other kids said they dont see so good in them and stuff and then they gave it to me#and i put em on like. I DIDNT KNOW THATS HOW YALL SEE EVERYTHING???#I LOOKED AT MY FRIENDS FACE LIKE. I CAN SEE HER BIRTHMARKS AND THE SLIGHT RED-ISH ON HER CHEEKS LIKE WHAT#AND I CAN READ THE TEXT ON THE BOARD?? SO IT WASNT THE CHALK'S PROBLEM AFTER ALL???? IT WAS ME??????#anyway im going to an eye doctor next month 😽
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Get Your Life Together AU
#kaiji#kaiji itou#akagi#akagi shigeru#FKMT#edit: updated this illustration bc some of the rendering was bothering me#if you dont know what Kaiji is just pretend these are my OCs bc they might as well be for how unrecognizable they are. Also read/watch Kaij#why did i draw an AU where Kaiji gets his life together & becomes a tattoo artist and f.t.m Akagi is there? anxiety i guess??#i've been unemployd as flck and my coping stratergy is that i terraform my blorbos#i know tattooing is kinda tabooin japan bc of yakuza but kaiji and akagi are pariahs so why not. not like he can keep a normal job anyway#it puts him in the flow state he craves but instead of gambIing away ungodly amounts of money he just draws a w ee d leaf on kazuyas a s#i put thought into the tatoos and stickers etc i want to explain them but i doubt anyone would read all that. but please enjoy the details#HEY HERE'S A FUN FACT ABOUT THIS POST#it wasn't showing up in the fkmt fandom tags for a while so i complainted to tumblr about it bc i was feeling petty#apparently tumblr looks through all your tags and all the individual words within your tags to see if its sensitive material#so i went through and changed words until it showed up in the tags#and then changed some back to see what would keep it in. and i know for a fact that one of the sensitive words was f////t///////m#so thats cool.
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neighbourhood watch
#hello??#is this thing on#i haven't posted in ages and i think i'm gonna make a comeback#but way too much happening!#and v few bookish updates to share#i guess thats why i stopped coming on here#but its so nice to see what moots are up to#my posts#daylight#sunlight#sky#clouds#city life#summer
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...
#thinking about death again bc my dad texted an update on my mum#apparently she got a blood transfusion and threw up. thrilling stuff. but it just nudges at my head#bc it just makes me think. when shes gone its going to leave a trace. the outline of a person#i dont kno why i find that so upsetting. i just think about all the half completed scrapbooks that will whither away in my sisters old room#and it makes me cry. shell leave behind her incomplete scrapbooks. half tumbled rocks. containers of sea glass and lucky stones. digital#conversation thatll never be responded to. shoes and clothes#and memories. evidence of of a life no longer there to live it#and it just makes me sad i guess. i dunno. theres something sad about a project that will never be finished#a project doomed to be forgotten because it was only ever in the care of one person#but thats how it goes. what is is. nothing to be done about it but feel that sadness#i dunno. my head is full of static and frustration for unrelated reasons#but death pokes at my head during the day and i lose my already unsteady focus in an effort not to cry#im tired and sad and wishing my medication was working better#shes not even dead yet. im pulling a roman r0y and pre grieving. except for reals#unrelated
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trying to be lowkey and chill about it but i lost my mom yesterday and i don’t think i’ve even started to process it
#parent death#sry i um.#i guess i’m posting this to explain my absence#but also because theres a lot of ppl on here that i love and i feel like deserve life updates even if they never knew her#but mostly i’m posting this because i just. want to talk about it.#i don’t know how to be 23 and parentless#i’m too young for it to be normal but too old for it to be a tragedy#so i just have to. deal with it.#alone.#idk what i was reading or watching or w/e#but i remember someone talking about how you will never be more alone than when you lose your second parent#and thats exactly how i feel#i don’t know#i’m done for now
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#periodical life updates#eurgh. hiiii im so tired just got home from the family gathering thing im. exhausted hkjfh. and i still gotta draw the eca#still gonna be quiet for a while sorry gang <3 anyway lets not talk about any of that hdkjf ARTFIGHT THEME REVEAL!!#you'll never guess which team jace ''kellystar321'' starlight is choosing for seafoam vs stardust hfjkh#*gestures at my oc list* but also. what if i dont CARE anymore hfjkhf obviously i want to draw for people! its my favorite part! but like.#GODDD i dont care about my ocs anymore!! :') ive always been more of a fandom guy i dont... /want/ art of my ocs?#like yeah obviously agent my beloved! alexandria my beloved! eca has a whole daily blog! but my actual interest in them is sooo low.#there's so many people on artfight who LOVE their ocs like their children. their ocs are their blorbos!! but my ocs are like nothing to me?#i like fandom characters :'0 i would not be as excited to see art of my characters as someone else would be who actually likes their ocs!!#people should focus more on drawing art for people who CARE about their ocs. because if /I/ don't care about my oc and /YOU/ don't care#about my ocs then WHOS FLYING THE PLANE HJFSD no but theres ZERO ENJOYMENT coming out of it you get me? it doesnt make sense to draw for me#BUT ALSO. for silly ''i dont like seeing them all greyed out/hidden :('' reasons i dont want to archive them and hide them from everyone#/BUT ALSO./ i DON'T WANT ART OF THEM. ATTACK SOMEONE ELSE PLEASE. SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT THEIR CHARACTERS hfjkfh urgh.#like hey sorry i dont? care enough about the guys i made up? can you draw reader or kim k!tsuragi instead? thank you. hdjhfg;;;#also ive been. so tired :'> how much will i even be able to do this year? every year i gain more targets to attack because i keep meeting-#new friends all the time. i have some people from lgbt club im attacking this year! my stickmin friends. avm friends. my hell gang hkhg#my hlvrai friends and my longtime mutuals and MY BUREAU OF BALANCE GANG... not to mention revenges from last year :'>#its a lot. and im so tired;;; so. im not sure. i'd still like to join for my 8th year of artfight but damb. i dunno. :'> <3#okay thats all GOTTA DRAW AN ECA GOODBYE I LOVE YOU!!
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not a good day homies 😔
so uh. i got let go. from my job. lol
not because i did anything‚ my manager just said she thought the hospital was too big for me to keep up with and i was doing great but just not meeting expectations.
i’m a little frustrated because i really loved that place and thought i was doing well‚ and they only brought these concerns up to me last week‚ which gave me like two or three working days to try and improve with their feedback.
however the manager made it clear that its not my fault‚ it just wasn’t a good fit for my current level of experience‚ and she’s going to send my info to other clinics in the area‚ one of which i applied for today with the same position i just had‚ so i’m hopeful‚ but sad.
so yeah. even tho i know the manager has my back and she said if i need help or advice or a reccomendation or anything she’s totally up for it‚ its still stressful to essentially get fired‚ and i cried a lot after i left. and then ate a lot of potatoes.
i’m not sure how long it will take to get a new job‚ so i’m probably going to apply for unemployment benefits in the meantime‚ and i’ll just keep volunteering at the shelter.
i just feel really tired and not good in my tummy‚ and i’m mostly sad that i won’t see my boy jonny the clinic cat anymore‚ and i’m anxious about telling my parents what happened‚ even thoigh i know they’ll still have my back‚ too.
anyways. back to job hunting i guess. yippee.
#ss original#i’m having a lot of mixed emotions and idrk how to deal with it#i’m like really tired and i have a headache from crying but i’m also restless??#i’m gonna start by taking a nice shower#then maybe i’ll go get myself some ice cream or something to cheer up#i updated my resume and sent it to one of the sister clinic nearby that my manager was going to contact so#thats enough for today i think#man. it just sucks cause even though it was a challenging job i really enjoyed it and felt like i was on a good streak in life yknow#guess it was just me who thought that#i already miss jonny 🥲 my boy…#but i do agree i would probably be less stressed and overwhelmed in a smaller clinic#mostly im just worried about how long its going to take to get employed again#cause i have to you know eat and pay rent#and i feel really bad having to rely on my parents again#i want to stop financially depending on them#(to be clear theyre willing to help out and ik they wont be mad or anything. it just makes me feel guilty)#(might be all the childhood memories of hugging my mom while she cried at the computer over paying bills cause we were broke af. whoops)
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the way i have all these transitions ingrained in my brain is not even funny i need so much help
#thats what updating life is like i guess#cannot be normal about a concert you watch over and over again
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THINGS!
2025 is going to be the most jam packed stressful year of my life & i know that for sure because a lot is already planned. So i WILL be an absolute mental wreck (this is apologies in advance) & i will literally be clinging onto support most likely the whole year so tumblr will either be me spamming constantly or me not here for weeks or months at a time & barely posting? i’m so unpredictable. Anyways my entire life is guaranteed to change & the best case scenario will still ruin a lot of shit for me so if i get really depressed THERE IS REASON!!!! & i’ve already made several promises so the world is stuck with me if i can help it. so uuhhhhhhhhh YEAH. ANYWAYS IM SCARED FUCKING SHITLESS LIKE ZERO SHIT SCARED OUT KF MY FUCKING MIND SO YEAH. THE MENTAL STATE WONT BE THE BEST. LOVE YOU GUYS!!! IF MY ACTIVITY IS SPOTTY IM NOT DEAD WE’RE PROBABLY JUST DISSOCIATED AS SHIT!
Anyways. TLDR i’m going to be super fucking stressed out & out of pocket for the next year because of shit.
Any friends of ours read tags pretty please <3
#new year 2025#going to be super hyperactive or stare at a wall for a week & i don’t know which one it will be yet it’s leaning towards stare at a wall#for maybe like a month. just stare at wall & cry#BUDDY REN IS NOT OKAY! BUT HANGING IN THERE!#WE COMMITTED TO HARD TO THE BIT THAT IS LIFE SO YALL ARE STUCK WITH ME LESS SUN DONT SHINE RIVERS TAKE ME DOWN!#mighhhhhht end up relapsing on the addiction but that is way better than being dead. it doesn’t have to be healthy at this point#as long as it keeps me alive & sane i guess? i’ll obviously try not to but like dark times are dark#life update#IF YOU ARE AN IRL THAT I TALK TO OFTEN & YOU NOTICE ME NOT RESPONDING TO ANYTHING OR REACHING OUT PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD REACH OUT#IM SAYING THIS NOW BECAUSE IVE BEEN INCREDIBLY SUICIDAL BEFORE & AM BEING CAUTIOUS AS HELL!!!! MENTAL STATE IS NOT A FUCKING GAME OVER HERE#LIKE IF I START SHOWING SIGNS & I AM NOT TAKING CARE OF IT ALREADY REN IS A STUBBORN BITCH & WILL REFUSE HELP BUT IM NOT PLAYING#IF SHIT STARTS GETTING CONCERNING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE INTERVENE#LIKE OBVIOUSLY IF YOU ARENT DOING GOOD EITHER & NEED PRIORITIZE YOURSELF DO THAT!!!#BUT IF YOU ARE IN A POSITION TO HELP & CATCH ON TO ANY CONCERNING SIGNS PLEASSSSSSE DONT LET THIS BITCH TURN HELP DOWN & INTERVENE#WE WILL PROBABLY NEED ALL THE HELP WE CAN GET & ALL THE SUPPORT WE CAN ASWELL#BUT ALSO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF PLEASEEEE? DONT IGNORE YOUR OWN NEEDS#APOLOGIES IF THIS IS WORDED BAD IM NOT THE BEST WRITER THATS NOT MY JOB#SERIOUSLY LOVE YOU GUYS & IM GOING TO TRY MY HARDEST TO SUPPORT MYSELF BUT WE MIGHT NEED MORE HELP THAN WE CAN GIVE OURSELVES ALONE?#IF ANY OF THIS SHIT MAKES SENSE#MIGHT NOT? I DUNNO DM ME IF YOU WANT TO BATTLE PLAN WITH ME#THE BATTLE BEING LIFE WHILE CHANGING LITERALLY EVERYTHING & MAYBE BEING AN INTERNALLY DISPLACED REFUGEE IN THE COMING MONTHS#I LOVE YALL! UH THANKS FOR READING I GUESS? IM TIRED & GONNA SLEEP NOW#GOOD NIGHT YALL <3
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Blog directory
I finally decide to organize everything here
My Count Blog (Joseph + Claude) // My Embrace Blog (Victor)
Art tag: unconcerned art / unconcerned collab
Comics tag: unconcerned comic
Mun tag: its me the mun / unconcerned ramblings
RPs: unconcerned reply
Events
1. Exorcist event (100 followers)
2. Joseph and Mun event
3. 250 request fest (250 followers)
4. chibi muffin event
5. aesop draws
6. Exorcist 2.0 (400 followers)
7. 550 skin event (550 followers)
8. Fenix/Birdsop (700 followers)
9. mun got a new pen
10. cookie event
11. Gatto event (~800 followers)
Comic series
1. Exorcist event (intro / extra)
2. Modern Ghost AU
3. Exorcist 2.0 (intro)
4. Modern Ghost AU 2 electric boogaloo (in progress)
Miscellaneous tags I happen to have: mersop, simp au, gen/shin flavoured, modern au stuff, the drama tm
#im not gonna tag this im pinning this HAHAHAHA#wow ive really done a whole lot for this blog huh. sheds a tear#went through the mass post editor for all this. so hopefully i got them all XD#theres other stuff like my opinions on characters but thats not what ppl r here for so i didnt include those#all my comics including the short 1 - 3 pages ones are in the comics tag. the series are the more serious projects#anyway i did put gatto as the 800 follower event cos i was kind of expecting my follower count to go up by like 5 n reach 800#but instead it uh. fell by 5 instead. so technically im not at 800 yet#lying on the internet. who wouldve known#i did want to put little summaries for the events n comics but. theyre pretty self explanatory HAHAHAHA#also i really really hope the tags work. that is a lot of posts and tag links im not ready to fix again#im just gonna put the date when i update this just in case. i dont know if there will be any more events or comics#since a lot of things are. well. the odds are pretty stacked. mainly me being out of touch with idv#and the idv ask blog scene in general........ well............#anyway! ill see how long i can do this for. work and life in general makes it impossible for me to be consistently posting everyday all yea#i guess me rambling in the tags will always be a constant huh. do i really want all this to be in a pinned post? yeah sure why not
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AHHHH, GET WELL SOOOOOON!!!! MAKE SURE TO HYDRATE, EAT WHEN YOU CAN, AND DRINK CHICKEN STOCK!!!! Oh, and rest.
thank you so much!!! i tried my best to drink lots of water and had soup n noodles for days! luckily i'm feeling better now, but my art output might still be slow as i get back on my feet and travel for the holidays :,) i super appreciate the well wishes anon <3
#eggo expresses#unfortunately with falling ill comes the work i have to make up and pretty wonky moods 🫡 im living tho!!#if we're talking other life updates i also got my ears pierced recently#i guess that shows the extent of my recovery lol#ty for checking in tho thats v sweet of you :-]
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Recent things.. mostly just writing screenshots lol
#There's a water problem in the apartment so thats been taking most of my attention lol.. the way maintenance happens here is just#this big long vague wait with no clear communication. You just send in a request to the apartment building and then you might hear from the#any weekday from 8am - 4pm any time after that. Sometimes it's quick but sometimes its like days before you hear anything. So then#you just have to be operating under the assumption that at any time during working hours you might get a call or a knock at the door#Like if you were expecting company at any time for a week straight ghjhj.. ANYWAY.. I've been working on making a little discord#server thing for the game maybe for playtesters to communicate in initially i guess but then also after it's out or... something like that.#no idea how all of that works. but you hear about people doing it. or something... Still not entirely sold on the idea since I'm not really#a big user of discord format speaking (like little chats and stuff) but.. again idk.. seems like.. common.. for things...(< socially odd#hermit fumbling through trying to imitate what '''normal''' people do/enjoy/desire lol..). Since I think my biggest issue is I am very bad#at socializing and thus marketing since a lot of that is social. The type to just google ''what do people do about games once they've#made them'' and just go after whatever the top 10 things apparently are hjbjhbjh... But like I said. still unsure it will be utilized. it#all feels very awkward to me. then again most things do. But that's what the ''overall progress'' screenshot is from. the little channel#where I've been posting updates to myself lol. Also ''coding'' in that being used very lightly consdering it's ren'py and I'm only using#the very bare bones most basic functionality of it lol. Extremely intense highly daunting master level coding such as ''if x then y''. gbjh#slacked on writing a lot due to the evil maintenance and such things... and just general... appointments... events... aughhhhhh#I think it's Goose Time here or something because nearly every day I hear big V shaped rows of geese flying by like multiple#times a day and they're so pretty and neat to watch. They've really inspired me somehow. Today it was rainy and gray skied and high winds#and cold (some of my favorite most beautiful weather) and I went out to check the mail and like 6 or 7 rows of geese fluttered#by in the air. I felt like that meme image of that guy that looks kind of weird (william dafoe??) and its like black and white and#he's looking up at something almost teary eyed wide eyed in awe.. The goose... those are my goose.. the universe sent those gooses just#for me and the high speed winds blowing my coat open and chilling my face... a tender platonic kiss from the world is often delivered#by way of chilly weather and bird formations.. peace and love on planet earth truly..#OH and of course.. boy with boy!!!! shout out to those little mcdonalds toy animal plushies from like 2006 or something. I found the#gray cat one and was like.. hrmm.. I have one of those as well (a real life gray cat). surely they're friends now.
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the last month for me has been the biggest hot mess of -have an existential crisis- -overwork yourself- -have no hope- -find therapist- -feel hopeful- -try to move- -feel hopeful- -lose house- -faith crisis- -quits job- -feels hopeful- -dog has cancer- -depression- -signs new lease- -feels hopeful- -moving stress- -dog dies-
#it has been. a roller coaster.#anyway! thats my vague and cryptic life update 💛#i was NOT ready for harley to go this soon#i was finally starting to feel hopeful that maybe things would get better#after moving and taking an extended time off of work to heal#im just sad i guess. bc i havent been the person i used to be since like dec 2022.#and not in a good way#and i was hoping my puppy would at least stick around long enough to see me grow back into that person#alas#its sad to think he will never see my new house#it has a sunroom that as soon as i saw it i knew he would love#going to the lake wont be the same either#he liked to sit on the deck and watch the boats go by#its going to be quiet without him
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aougughhhh i can't get anything to fucking work i hate you macs forever and ever
#there's no good screen recorder with device audio for firefox#and then i was like oh! what about obs!#but the obs mac display capture only works for macos 13 or greater which i dont have#because for some reason that update is unsupported?#thats so fucked btw. they will just like. deem certain models too old and won't push a software update#but then you basically can't do anything without the most recent software#anyway.#i miss making edits#but my other computer is holding on to life by the skin of its teeth#and is really really slow and gets really hot#so there's no way that's sustainable.#but whatever I guess I just won't engage in my hobby
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TW: SUIC*DAL THOUGHTS AND INTENTIONS!!!!
Looking my sister dead in the eyes as she says that she's proud of me for not hating her for who she voted for. Looking my sister dead in the eyes and not saying anything as I know that I'm already planning to kill myself in the upcoming months because of the outcome of this election.
#politics#guess who she voted for#ding ding ding#it was trump#vent#im genuinely considering it#more than considering really#i wanna hang on for my friends tho#im just really not sure that i can#everything about right now is just so shitty#im really not sure how much longer i can do this#plus my home life is shit too because my parents wont stop fucking fighting#thats a story for a different post tho#im trying to think of good things but theres really not a whole lot there#and i cant ask any teachers or anyone for help because theyre just gonna send me to the phych ward#and my brother went there when he was around my age and that place fucked him up#idk about the ones elsewhere#but the ones where i live just absolutely suck#i feel like im drowning#sorry for the long post#i might update later#or make another vent#idfk#mexican#americana#lesbian
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