#thats how bad anxiety gets
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looking at the last reblog and sighing
#mit speaks#honestly its kind of funny seeing in on tumblr usa-centric sites out of everything#but yup the situation in the world sucks. not news for anybody in the slightest and certainly not news for me#especially considering the state of everythibg else in the country and how it was my whole life#but still. my friend who moved away from here to spain sent me screenshots of some condensed articles#of whats going on with the words What the fuck its so fucked up#while i was looking at this hapoening and people ringing the bells and trying their damndest to protest at least with written forms#it feels like its a logical effect to the everything going on since i didnt actually have any hope anythings gonna get better#but it still stings#its why i am very deeply in the closet irl and am pretty scared to ever come out. especially to my parents#i felt extremely bad and nervous when my friend told me her moms aware of me being kind of trans and that she told her sister too#thats how bad anxiety gets#amd its not like this country is anything close to.. caring about these issues#about 98% of people speaking the language i met online in my very limited social online window were pretty on the whole t-rf ride#so of course theyre gonna celebrate the laws. its not like the amount of people who care and do show themselves is very big compared to#everyone else. its kind of sad#its moreso of a vent guys im alright#love and peace ✌️
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Am I the only one who low-key loved that they showed:
1. Lucy’s anxiety induced blabber and Tim’s 😳 in the background - because I feel like while ppl were being like “oh that rant was so annoying and over the top” but in reality that rant is literally so accurate as a stream of thought of anxiety and overthinking , not only that I think the fact that this rant was included is so telling of their relationship because as someone with anxiety I can confirm that those types of thoughts STAY inside thoughts unless we are super comfortable with the person because WE ARE AWARE HOW UNHINGED AND IRRATIONAL WE SOUND
2. The chenford fight- when you have two mentally ill people in a relationship spoiler alert they will sometimes say shit they don’t mean and will sometimes screw up AND THATS OKAY AND REALISTIC like any mentally ill person will tell you that when they are spiralling, almost always they will unintentionally take it out on the person closest to them or who is supporting them the most and that’s not because they actually want to it’s more so that their brain subconsciously knows that that’s a safe target that they can be a bit of a screw up with them and they won’t stop loving them, this is literally the most common example of displacement (trust me I’m a psych student🤓,jk jk fr tho this is an actual thing)
Like when I heard initially that chenford would have issues this season I was so worried the writers would pull that old cliche of making stupid out of character drama that made no sense and felt inorganic but THIS this is so good to see how anxiety can affect a relationship and eventually how they get over that obstacle and it came out in a way that felt very realistic and in character
#chenford#lucy chen#tim bradford#the rookie#the lucy haters are just a bunch of mentally well adjusted people who haven’t had or dated someone with anxiety#Lucky bastards😔#but alas the girlies who get it FELT THIS EPISODE SM#like I said this on someone’s post already but like the girlies with anxiety have all been Lucy in one situation or another#so we completely see both sides and understand how real this is to have as a relationship obstacle#like seriously tho this wasn’t exaggerated or like stupid it was just how anxiety is and yes it’s irrational and bad but guess what#THATS LITERALLY WHAT ANXIETY IS#like it wouldn’t be anxiety if it was nice and rational and calm#anyways as others said go stream afterglow
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for people who have anxiety but live alone anyway: how do u deal with the panic? I live with 2 other people and still have bubble burst moments of random fear that only gets soothed by putting myself in someone else's eyeline. what do you do when the catastrophising starts???
#my body has a lot of random weird pain frkm 26 years of bad things and every time im like#i should have written a will its really happening this time im about to drop dead#so i skitter around the house to stand close enough to someone else that theyd hear me if i fall over LMAO#insane behavior i know. i have a mountain of medical anxiety bc of my grandparents#but like i cant even wrap my head around what id do if i felt that way and was alone 24/7 at home#panic forever???#who makes you eat and shower bc its sure not MY executive function keeping me alive on the bad days LOL#id wither away if i lived alone i think#kinda sad my life went a way where thats never going to happen tho. to the end of wanting to know who id be#how would i dress and act and decorate?? eat?? what kind of dishes would i get. throw blankets too#what would i learn abt myself etc its an iteration of me that will likely never happen bc im happily married#hmmm#ur always going to wonder about the lifestyles you didnt have. thats normal#but it does make me wonder what i would have been like if i had friends and my own space#oh to be a fag making out with his friends in the privacy of his own home#or maybe thats just how i feel bc were literally married and have never been able to afford to live alone Together lol
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sitting in the parking lot thinking i might vom
#it's a chain place and ive been on the other side of places like this#(i wasnt an interviewer but i was friends with them)#and there at least people would show up late + in sweats for the interview and they'd get it!#they would show up with 'oh yeah interview today almost forgot' and they'd get it!#meanwhile im having a breakdown trying to do everything right and perfect#making sure i look nice but not too nice bc again its a chain fast food place and i cant try Too Hard#also these pants dont have belt loops and they tend to shift#AND my right hand is swollen from the wasp sting yesterday so im worried its gonna be 'wtf is wrong with you'#but also shouldn't it say something that im here anyway even though i could have rescheduled#but then its like... im not gonna kill myself for this place like i did at mcd and does it give that impression?#or should i have rescheduled bc they'll think it's bad decision making to come anyway with my hand swollen#also worried that i should have parked nearby and come over closer to the time bc am i the freak sitting in the parking lot#but at least im early! but am i too early? but im out here not rushing them. but should i be so they know I Am Interested#not to even mention wtf im gonna say to them to explain my employment gap#and im so paranoid that im gonna go in and say im there for an interview and they're gonna be like ???#bc it was through an automatic text/email thing when i applied#which was how my last job happened but idk. maybe im an idiot and it's all fake so they can point and laugh#and i KNOW thats ridiculous. but that's how it feels rn.#also im worried they'll ask if i want something to eat/drink and i dont know the right answer#like i feel like i should say yes bc what do you mean you wont eat here? but the wrong thing means im taking advantage#and how will i be if im actually working there?#and its all so dumb bc#AGAIN people roll out of bed confident and they're fine. meander their way through and theyre fine. theres no reason to think i wont be#but ANXIETY#its gonna be an out of body experience no matter what and later I'll wonder about all the things i dont remember#if i fucked up or not#and now i have to go in bc it's 7 minutes until my time and i want to be a little early but not too much#fuck#wish me luck#ks talks
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tomorrow is babies first pride.... ah im so nervous!
#(baby has been out in some capacity for 12 years at this point)#nyxtalks#im nervous about the whole. deal but also just. some information has been more of a pain to find than it should have been#and i dont know what to expect and i dont even really have full control over my own actions which is usually my coping mechanism#so im starting to get anxiety jitters#itd be way less bad if i knew exactly what my plan was. how i was getting there. where to go. etc but thats not clear#so i cant even comfort myself with that exact plan to deal with crowds and uncertainty about even being there#(and a fresh dose of not NB enough! yay)#the only thing i can genuinely control is what i wear and im not sure ive made good choices with that#i mean its cute but very out of my comfort zone and perhaps. setting myself up to overheat#augh
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footnotes arent enough I need you to talk to me like im fucking Amelia Bedelia
#this isn’t about anything in particular btw. I just have to add a lot of memos when I’m doing things because some things are done a certain#way and it isn’t explained well in the instructions. like my mom has instructions on her baking recipes right#but when it says stuff like add dry ingredients to wet ingredients it also means you don’t dump it in one go you add it slowly by portion#this is probably why I find videos and demonstrations the most helpful when I learn something. like I almost always ask someone to show me#how they do it because there could be something they do that’s already second nature and wouldn’t really be considered in an explanation yk#I don’t think I’m an exception either. when the rice is done cooking I divide it into 4 quarters to bless it#but there are a million ways to divide rice and it makes me think that one persons way of doing it or not doing it all is just as valid#theres also technically no wrong way to divide rice afaik. this means either all ways of dividing rice is safe or valid until we find some#universally terrible way of dividing rice. until that happens nobody really thinks about specifying HOW you divide the rice#source: I have anxiety starting and doing things for the first time because I got way too many people yell at me NONONO WHAT ARE YOU DOING#THATS WRONG while I’m in the middle of doing the thing. I would rather have people think I’m either very stupid or overly specific#than go thru the panic inducing fear of ‘YOURE DOING THIS WRONG OMG WHY DIDNT YOU ASK AHEAD OF TIME THIS WILL BE FUCKED UP FOREVER’ 🧍#nothing wrong if you don’t give something a second thought because you’re so used to it. but I can and will ask about it and I don’t think I#really should feel bad about it if I don’t know enough to dispute it. idk#the other way around I try to be as specific as possible and word things in a way that people who might not get where I’m coming from will#understand. but the problem with that is my explanations tend to be lengthy and I lose them either way 🗿#Im. trying to work on that using examples and stuff because they seem to work the best#but if I could write everything down on a word doc and beam it into your melon that would save both of us time and embarassment#im rambling the short version is I have adhd#yapping
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hello long vent / kinda updates ( in tags for both ) & also i love you all sm
#life is hard man#i cant socialize for shit#i appreciate everyone whose been reaching out to me and stuff#i wanna clarify my lack of responses is due to the mess that is my life rn#but also im autistic as hell and bad at messaging#tbh#i just have lots of trauma / problems there so communication is really difficult for me#and i am not sure how to navigate it#im doing my best but it is so hard#im not good at messaging back or knowing what to say etc#its been really hard#im an anxious mess most days#and its honestly not getting better its getting worse#i have lots of untreated mental stuff going on#managed to do a screening yesterday so the ball is rolling but its slow & im out of time#rn my partner + friends & wrestling are whats getting me through this#like aside from my cat and a junk drawer full of small things thats about what i got#and life is not very kind to me / us#feels like its working against us actively tbh#and theres some family stuff that went down thats intense#after my nightmare day at all out. i learned a lot more about my place in my family that i didnt really wanna learn rn#so i am. a mess#all my problems are literally so severe i cannot function. i cant do tasks. i cant think. i literally have panic attacks over everything#anxiety attacks that last whole days or hours cause my skin just stays shaking and wrong#my ocd is unbearable#and i cant leave my house really anymore#and select moments i can but. i dont even have those anymore really#i wish i could explain the mess of how bad im doing and also express the gratitude for the people still around#or the people checking in#i am trying to! i am still trying.
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gotta get all my LINCOLN thoughts DOWN while im relistening to this godforsaken podcast. here's just some stupid observations that i wrote a whole thesis about for no reason
here's two things we know:
- lincoln was raised to always be honest about his feelings
-- despite this, we consistently see lincoln distracting himself whenever big, hard feelings come up
after the grant sauce scene outside the classroom in episode 7, lincoln doesn't take the time to process anything that his father has said to him. he asks normal if HES doing okay after the conversation with Sparrow, and then immediately changes the subject and tells everyone that they should ditch school and go to Sonics so that he wouldn't have to think about it.
and hey, that's all fair; that was some heavy shit to lay on a teenager, and he'd need a lot of time to process it, but we see Linc consistently choosing not to process it.
later, during the grant arc on earth, linc chooses to drive specifically because it's easier not to think when he's driving. when he leaves a voicemail to Marco telling him that he might never talk to him again, a really hard conversation for linc to have, linc ends the phonecall saying, 'no, this was a bad idea, everything's fine-- prank!'
(and it's not fair to say that linc telling scary that they should look for her stepdad first is also evidence that linc does this when part of it was a structural thing to mimic season 1's anchor order, but it IS consistent with linc avoiding hard emotions)
and all of this isn't even inconsistent with him being raised to always be honest! linc never had to deal with big, hard emotions like this, he's only ever been super sheltered and homeschooled and safe. if linc ever felt lonely or bad, his dads would find a way to accommodate him through some form of enrichment, and if the enrichment didn't help, matts made it clear that lincoln's favorite time of the day is when he can just be alone in his room in the space under his bed where it's calm and peaceful and he doesn't have to think about anything. linc is honest about his feelings up until they become so complicated or painful that he doesn't know how to be honest about them. linc is extremely blunt up until he doesn't know how to think about his feelings without getting hurt
grant talks about how he worries linc's relationship with soccer is an emotional distraction. he worries that linc is using soccer the way grant used violence to shut down his thoughts. and sure, linc genuinely loves soccer, it's a harmless interest to have (especially when you don't have the opportunity to have many other hobbies), but Grant recognizes that linc is using it as an emotional crutch-- or at the very least worries that that's what he's doing.
and thats the one thing that grant cant really explain to linc as a parent! if grant stops him from playing soccer JUST because he's worried, he'd have to explain WHY he's worried, and grant cant really do that. he can't talk about how much he likes killing people around his son if he isnt sauced.
and with the main big, scary emotion that lincoln faced in his backstory being mr. kicks, i'd bet lincoln dealt with that feeling by doing a lot of the same. distracting himself with soccer or zoning out entirely. i'd bet grant watched linc avoid any and all discussion about mr. kicks and instead focus on getting better at soccer. there's no way to prove that, but it's consistent with matt's character choices.
so here linc is, going through puberty, spiraling into apathy and avoidance and being like WHATEVER and WHO CARES to everything. this most recent episode was the biggest change in his character yet; he gave up soccer, said it was a waste of time, and broke that goddamn pick.
he doesn't really NEED soccer anymore now that he's learned that he doesn't need an excuse to be dismissive or avoidant anymore; he can just do it. he can just say whatever now. he can just brush people off. he can be abrasive and distant, just like scary.
and it's sad because man, he did really love soccer, even when he was using it for the wrong reasons. he really did love his family and friends. he had the strongest values and the strongest moral compass and he really, really believed in being a good person. but now he's having to deal with big, scary emotions for the first time, and he has no way to know how to deal with them, even with all the therapy his dads gave him. agughghhghghg lincoln li wilson
#talking tag#dndads#MATT IS THE JESUS OF CHARACTER WRITING... TO ME!!#ALLLLLL OF HIS DAD FACTS ARE SO CONSISTENTLY GOOD EVERYTHING HE DOES MAKES SO MUCH SENSE IN CHARACTER AND THE MORE WE HEAR#THE MORE MAKES SENSE ABOUT LINCOLN. WHICH IS CRAZY IN A DND IMPROV PODCAST#when linc is like 'i don't wanna think about it just tell me what i need to do' and anthonys like 'america needs more soldiers like you!'#like fuck........get myson some therapy#and thats not to say he runs from all bad emotions. his anxiety is so bad thatd be a ridiculous claim#linc wears his heart on his sleeve. he cries at the drop of a hat. it's almost always easy to tell exactly how he's feeling#but he definitely has the wilson curse of being very brave in an actionable way but shoving down the emotions that are complicated
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Recent disney and pixar movies have felt like movies in the way that monster high movies feel like movies. And I don’t want anyone to see this and go “but at least monster high movies are good!” cuz, sure whatever I don’t care, just listen. What I’m saying is these recent disney movies are so forgettable and I don’t think it’s just because of the rise of streaming services fucking up how the films are marketed and viewed, they also feel unbelievably pointless. They feel like movies made around a plot that would be forced into a ten minute episode if it were a cartoon made by smaller creators rn. The plots are so simple I feel like a toddler like I feel like the stakes have gotten increasingly lower and everything is underwhelming. Toy story 4’s big conflict was woody needs to get the plastic spoon back to the little girl. Inside out 2 was the emotions needing to get back to headquarters while riley is just at hockey camp and they learn their lessons in five minutes. Encanto is just mirabelle talking to her family and then singing songs at her. Strange world was a very basic father/son relationship story with no real stakes. The main thing luca wants in luca is a vespa and the main thing mei wants in turning red is concert tickets. Not even gonna glance at wish or lightyear cuz like who watched those what are those movies even for. I can’t remember any of these movies and even the ones I liked are still underwhelming and I walked out of them trying to justify that to myself like “oh well not every movie has to have a crazy plot, sometimes they can be simple”. But it’s like. All their movies now. And the characters are uh, they’re okay in some of them I guess I dunno. And this isn’t even to say that the more beloved older disney movies never had simple plots cuz like look at Cinderella, half of that movie is just animals getting into shenanigans to fill time. But idk, it felt like people actually wanted to make that movie and put love and attention into it. Now these things are just disney pumping out vague emotions that might get them an award while coating everything with this “look at how much money we have” polish
#the klock keeps ticking#this isnt coherent at all im sooooo tired i havent slept good at all lately ughhh#i used monster high as an example but havent really made the comparison properly huh#basically mh movies are really just there to sell dolls and yeah sometimes the movies are fun#sometimes theyre about something cool even#but theyre also low quality made for tv movies that got pumped out a machine#and some of them are just really really bad#and even the ones that i like like friday night lights i mean its like core message is a pretty basic short thing about misogyny in sports#which is what youd expect from a low quality made for tv movie made to sell dolls#but disney is out here doing like the same writing in 2024 with their ungodly expensive animation#and its just like. seriously? this is seriously what you want?#to make shallow garbage with shiny paint a few times a year just so you can get more money and keep it up?#youre trash disney. utter fucking trash#this is brought to you by me watching inside out 2 for shits and feeling pretty much exactly how i expected to feel lol#i love how not gay riley is obsessed with a girl who is literally the Basic Cool Gay Love Interest#which is a whole other post honesty but its a drinking game for me at this point cuz thats the only gay character corporations know how to#write its just like. they are Cool and Nice and so so Cool and they literally never stop smiling for one second and they are Cool#and thats about it! and if you dont ship them with the quirky anxiety ridden gay youre an ungrateful faggot
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made two phone calls, one of which was successful and the other ended in needing a call back tomorrow to schedule an endocrinology appointment i’ve been trying to schedule for over a month and a half now :-)
but tbh i’m glad i got it over with bc i’ve been meaning to make these calls and keep forgetting until it’s the weekend lmfao
#but hey i’ll be able to have a consistent supply of anxiety meds soon!!!!!!! gotta drive 2 hours but oh well#i’ll be able to have video follow ups after this initial appointment#the front desk lady said i sounded very upbeat and i didn’t know how to condense ‘i have bad social anxiety and i feel bad#even coming off the slightest bit annoyed or mad at the person on the phone helping me bc i know they deal with a ton of shit’#and so i just……… giggled. awkwardly.#anyway i definitely need anxiety meds and maybe they can deal with my thyroid meds there too bc#they specialize in adrenal + endocrine medicine as well as mental health medication so like. hey let’s get two birds stoned at once y’know?#anyway JUST BE PROUD OF ME OKAY?????#bee told me i can’t do any drugs with her until i get my thyroid sorted out#(i have heart palpitations + horrific physical anxiety which fuels my mental anxiety all as a side effect SO LIKE I GUESS THATS FAIR)
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You ever confronted by how much fear is holding you back on even little daily things? ;-;
#rant#like i have adhd and im sure thats a portion of my decision paralysis and procrastination#but like... tax forms wouldnt be SO hard if i wasnt so terrified of filling out every little portion wrong#i am TERRIFIED of not understanding the directions and not knowing what to do next when i fill out a form...#i am terrified of calling my doctor and trying to Guess how to word my symptoms in a way which will result in me being helped instead of#dismissed. i am terrified that what i choose to eat will HURT bad and have days long consequences#(since i have gastroparesis so every fucking food decision risks me vomiting/being unable to eat for days if i fuck it up...#and you WILL always fuck up food decisions... if i wish to ever eat at a restaurant there will be random additives i cant check or forgot a#about... and sometimes they WILL hurt me)#and hell... with my chronic illness. there's days through NO fault or choice of my own... i simply feel WORSE#i can meticulously slowly cautiously make all my decisions. and STILL 'fuck up' and be in incapacitating pain for days#its so frustrating!#yeah i get afraid i'll write and make a mistake in a fanfic whatever. or pick a show im bored with.#but it's frustrating how much GENUINE fear i deal with on everyday decisions#if i eat the wrong thing? fucked up for days. if i choose to paint and my body decides it cant handle#sitting upright that long? fucked up for days#if i choose to go for a walk and my body decides halfway through it cant do it? FUCKED up for days#if i want to get myself a yummy food or drink from a restaurant to reward myself? random chance#it could fuck me up for days#choose not to eat at all? ....body for no predictable reason may choose it's upset and i... feel fucked up for days anyway#so many daily decisions feel like high probability i'll FUCK MYSELF UP FOR DAYS#and i do not like enduring feeling that bad. so of course i get scared to make decisions.#and then that anxiety seeps into ALL decisions#and suddenly i realize i feel scared just... calling my mom to say i'll come over#because WHAT if i start vomiting and im in immense pain and have to CANCEL my visit and she gets UPSET and#maybe i should have just NOT tried to see her at all because now i'm dealing with an upset mom just because i couldnt predict#my health bombing that day.#or what if i start my taxes... and i have a panic attack (because im SO scared of making mistakes) and then my roommate yells at me#for being too emotional or my boss yells at me for having to take a mental health day off#(because i keep hyperventilating and cant rationalize anything cause im having panic attacks) and then my work/pay suffers and house feels
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Ever just wanna crawl in a hole and die to get away from anxiety?
#oh how i love anxiety and depression its absolutely great#thats a joke by the way i genuinely hate my anxiety and depression but whatever everything sucks anymore#plus i have a splitting headache#guess thatz what happebed when your a pessimist#the list of shitty things gets longer doesnt it#my bad guys uh anyway#by the way imidtening to bewitched by laufey and omg i love her songs 😩🫶#mik0is0done
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Happy New year everyone! I'm aware my post is late since I am 1 making this post 10 minutes after the New Year started, and also I live in one of the later timezones. However, I wanted to share that as a part of this new year, I've made a resolution; [obligatory read more since editing me has decided this is kinda long]
My resolution is to defeat [not 100%] every Zelda game that I have a copy of or aqquire this year. I think it's a task I can actually do and isn't too far off into impossible land, and to kick it off I spent the entirety of today completing [the first quest] of the original NES Zelda, in one sitting [like its meant to be] and abusing savestates every frame because I don't have very good control over mobility in games god help me if I play a precision platformer like ever. Anyway, completing this game is a very big deal to me, since I normally have a Very Big Issue with actually seeing the end of the game, and on top of that, it's a very hard game that i have held on a pedastal for years, and will continue to do so. I had to use my damn Zelda encyclodia and a guide to skip 70% of the final dungeon, too, though im nowhere near ashamed of that.
Here's proof for my own sake, as well as a few doodles, zelda related things in the encyclopedia that i may or may not do a redraw of later, and just general things that make me happy in my camera roll to start the new years off with some positivity. Remember kids, you don't gotta celebrate shit if it makes you feel bad, but make sure to take as much positivity as you can, however and whenever its avaliable, feeling happy is the difference behind surviving and living. If you don't have a new years resolution or are scared/dislike having one, that's okay and don't let anyone pressure you into that stuff! Just make sure your safe,stable and as happy as you can manage in your current situation.
You can tell this recording is mine because I never upgraded my bombs /j
#talk talks#important#zelda ranch dip#on a technicality#i saw a drawing of ravio and its the Only official art ive seen of his hood that i think looks cute so im gonna redraw it#i also want to learn how to digital paint but eh if i dont get around to it its okay. i got time everyone's got time#on nights like these i feel happy in like the “lets go sit outside under the stars and talk about our bad feelings so we dont have to think#of them anymore. lets trade thoughts and hopeful wishes in a hope they might come true“ yknow? its a nice#oh shit wait right yeah thats hust how feeling calm is like 90% of the time i can feel my chest being tight with anxiety#im a very anxious person but anxiety dont help anyone so you probably wouldnt know until like. i have a heart attack or something ive been#waiting on that to happen since i was 14 dude. ah dammit calm is over anyway happy new years! stay safe!
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i wish i wasnt sensitive 2 the point of physical pain to the tiniest crumb of rejection
#even w my doctor man.. . i remember for days after i went to my first appointment i just laid on the ground n writhed#and pictured him & the receptionist looking angry at me#and replayed it in my head over n over n over#and it wasnt even real#they were both wearing masks but in my head they were >:(#and i already get enough bad reactions naturally#but the imaginary ones always hit the hardest#or actually no thats a lie the ones that hurt the most are the ones that r guesses of real situations#little signs and my brain saying hey this is how this person is feeling about u btw they hate u they despise u youre so annoying you ruin#everyones day just by existing and they want u gone#because then i cant tell if its real or not#is it my anxiety making it up or am i being stupid by thinking that#and i being naive#and ignoring the signs#because im scared
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recently ive been getting really sick of my neighbors i wish that i had a bunch of money so that i could buy up their houses and only let people i live live near me
#neighbors 1 used to be friends but theyre trumpies and also neglect and borderline abuse their dog#i like river hes not a bad dog but hes not trained well and is a very large and powerful dog and really really wants to kill my cats#and they just let him loose wander in the road wander into other peoples yards and hes trapped me and my mom outside because#he tries to force his way into our house if we try to go back inside of our house and i kinda dont want my cats guts splattered everywhere#neighbors 2 have a fenced in yard with a lab and a husky that they leave outside all of the time in their yard#as far as i know they dont have a dog house or even food and water out there and absolutely no toys and the dogs bark constntly#probably because theyre so bored outside in the hot weather usually without shade and no entertainment they bark at each other#or anyone in the yards of the neighboring houses or they bark at the door begging to be let back inside or bark at the windows#and theyre patriots too they got one of those huge skeletons last halloween and theyve kept it up ever since changing out the spotlight#for holidays which initially i really liked i thought it was funny but then for memorialday/july 4th they dressed in patriotically#and i hate america so . i hate them and how they neglect their dogs#neighbors 3 they are related to the one good neighbor BUT. theyre married (?) and they scream at each other arguing all of the time and#because of the geography of where we live it echos right to our house very loudly and it gives me anxiety and they have a kid or kids#who sometimes cry loudly because they scream yell at each other loudly i kinda hope they (not the kids) go to hell#neighbors 4 i . im not sure if theyre newer here but they also have dogs but so far theyve kept them on leashes i think?#except for that one time where their dog just. walked up to me. idk if they let the dog loose on purpose or if it was accidental#but recently me and my mom were outside messing with the garden and They are also a couple and were screaming at each other#also ! i love straight people 😍 please breakup or get a divorce or move away or go to hell youre fucking crazy people go to therapy#and then theres the people on super loud motorcycles or in super loud cars and then theres the other neighbors with the isra hell flag#and the other neighbors that i SUPER SUPER SUPER HATE and have hated for YEARS ecause i went to school with one and hes#racist as fuck i hope he dies or something. and because of them we dont even go down the road that way#they have free roaming animals that would go into the road and they run some ? atv repair or something out of their house and sometimes#completely occupy the whole road loading shit or something. like if you want stereotypical redneck assholes its them#and i hate all of these people so much. mutuals you should live here instead of them. its the blue ridge mountains its higher altitude#its pretty but sometimes it rains and causes something of a 'creek' to flow but were on a mountain so it flows down and away#and well sometimes the sewer smells really bad for some reason idk but like . its fine dont worry about it#and bears might drag your trashcans up the mountain but just dont leave food outside and they wont do that#we have a . shockingly beautiful ?? dumpster on the road too so its okay 👍#dear lird i just scrolled up and thats a lot of words . o well
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Sitting on a balcony rocking chair looking at the trees and lake after an anxiety attack, might be the only way I get through this summer tbh
#summer camp tag#Mental health#ace is a mess#tw: anxiety#my coworkers (and roommate) have gone mean girl on me for the crime of *checks notes* one of the nurses finds my work style most compatible#its been a bad week but my accommodation is also my place of work so i get no separation from the two#and as we're roommates i cant even take solace in my room when im off and shes on cus her and her bestie treat the space like its not mine#*context one of the nurses used to be the other health assistant before she got qualified so thats how they became besties#and the first couple of weeks it was all oh no we dont think youre trying to replace her and trying to make me feel welcome#but now its just constantly undermining me and trying to insinuate i cant do my job cus two of the other nurses had a go at my roommate#for always skiving and because one of those nurses also said she preferred my work style im getting their ire#so maybe had a bit of an anxiety attack this morning so now im hiding out on the balcony cus i feel uncomfortable in my own room#at least the lake and trees are nice and i get to watch the kids play which is fun
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