#thats completely gone now
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Meeting (Befriending?) Jevil
So much for an easy first fight.
#deltarune#jevil#frisk undertale#frisk#deltarune au#wyolfe#deltarune bt#dr bt#my art#frisk is basically playing dlc for a game they already beat and unfortunately for them the levels do scale.#you defeated the God of Hyper Death. you can handle a clown.#wait oh my god i could design hard mode versions of all the enemies. wait. hold on.#i wasnt going to do that but now i might.#anyway! Jevil's still the court jester in this au! he hasn't met the strange someone and gone (completely) bonkers!#still a few screws loose but thats just a requirement for being a jester.#Jevil is under the impression Spade King's recent behavior (like imprisoning the other kings) is a result of his bad mood#and that fixing that bad mood will fix the behavior... Sorta.#some part of Jevil is aware that that isnt really how this works but he doesnt know what else to do.#'entertain' is all he's ever done.
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at some point in disability you stop wanting to "get better" and this is just really hard for able bodied people to understand for some reason
#i had an interaction with a doctor which prompted this#theyre almost certainly a quack but they promised they could find a cure for my eds#to be unequivocal no such thing exists eds is genetic and changing that is beyond the current limits of medicine in almost every case#i was there for regular blood testing and when they said this to me my response was pretty unenthusiastic#something like 'thats not really what im here for'#which was clearly completely baffling to the doctor#part of that has to do with the way doctors are really solution oriented but also#i dont really want to be 'cured'#its hard to explain but this is my body now and ive gotten used to it#what matters is my day to day quality of life not a return to 'normal'#in my eyes disability isnt a bad thing its a neutral one#the idea that im okay with being permanently disabled is intolerable to able bodied society#this doctor has a ton of pther red flags id like to separately post about but ive gone on long enough#to the person who sent me the ask about intersectionality bw transgender and disabled identity#i see you it just turns out a lot of research has been needed to answer you#a reply is coming tho#anyway#disability#salt baby talks#chronic illness#ehlers danlos syndrome#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#ableism
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i feel so pretty today c:
#ok to rb#ive been wearing dresses and big tshirts nonstop the last few days and im so !!!!!#this is also one of my favorite dresses#it was a swim coverup thing i thrifted but i sewed it together so it'd fit like a pretty dress instead#its like. very much giving toga dress when i stand and is really short and cute#also prepare to be sick of my face cause im probably gonna post lots of selfies since im not gonna be working for 6 weeks#and i need to be percieved and complimented or engaged with daily or i literally feel. well not that bad. but i get daily social usually so#being home is just making me a little fuzzy - but posting these helps!!!! also im so cute how could u even get sick of me#also first photo is so. “boyfemme wallet photo” hehehehehe#bun.life#also this big pimple i had before the surgery still hasn't gone away completely and its been legit over a month now and i kinda hope it like#scars cause im actually really enjoying how cute it makes my smile look?#idk if thats weird but i like it so NYEH!#femme lesbian#femme4all#butch bait
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omg..guyz…fuck ma life. i cried after work today bc i dropped my ipod and it broke. hardly be able to use tumblr now cos all thats left is the half broken ipad that drives me mental…… i mean . ill figure something out soon enough im sure but its a heartbreaker. the only remnants of my music library… so many pics the last few years. and some choice nudes i hadnt sent anyone or posted FML gone forever
#literally every thing i cherish and use daily has broke or gone missing this year. all thats left is my beautiful home speaker#may she stay strong for all of us#the final straw :( no speaker and now cant even take headphones out….ok…………#do i get a windows laptop and a mp3 player and just start completely fresh. i guesss.
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The amount of stuff ive been drawing lately is crazy. My poor wrist 💔
#chitter chatter#i'll try to chill even more with tdd thats the thing im least interested in rn but still i prevail 🫡#its nice to see that my artfight energy that was completely gone last year is now back in full force for now
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i know riku was pointing at sora’s heart in that one kh2 scene because wordless storytelling is a virtue (and unfortunately becomes straight up nonexistent in modern kh) and like the audience already knows, they dont need to spell it out and its also just a very riku thing to do but…..
can i say something. it’s probably not canon at all but i always found it strange how riku-ansem’s voice went back to riku after the reveal that it was riku. it feels strange, like could he always do this? switch his voices back?
the way riku stays silent most of the time feels like he doesn’t even want to hear ansem’s voice come out of him. but the pointing part with sora (and many other scenes) feels like he only speaks when he finds it necessary, which doesnt feel necessary now that his voice is back to normal, because thats what we hear, and that should be true.. unless you think of it this way:
headcanon: riku’s voice coming out of riku-ansem can only be heard by sora and kairi (and by extension, the audience) after feeling his heart’s connection. (the thing where they closed their eyes and felt his heart)
i like to think that to anyone else he still sounds like ansem, including.. to riku himself. so he does the same as before, because to him, nothing has changed. he feels that hes still not himself, even after his friends know that its him now.
#robo ramble#GHRHAHGHH. i dunno i’ve always thought about this.#something something even if it changes me forever line because riku thinks hes gone as a person forever#GAAAHHH. that line is crazy because the cinematography was on point too#the fact that when he says that his eyes are obscured . which is made even more thematically insane by the fact that hes been wearing a#blindfold the whole time. obscuring parts of the face especially eyes is good way to show that#the character onscreen is feeling uncertain. perhaps even scared (SEE KH1 NOW I HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR FOR REFERENCE)#(said by guy who has everything to fear..) SO RIKU IS STRAIGHT UP NOT SURE IF HE’D EVEN BE HIMSELF ANYMORE#then when it focuses on riku-ansem it doesn’t immediately show his face AT ALL. then it zooms out. LIKE. AUGH IT WENT FROM#PARTIALLY OBSCURED TO COMPLETELY OBSCURED LIKE THATS HOW YOU FUCKING DO IIITTTT !!!!!! I MISS THIS SO MUCH#YOU HAVE LITERALLY NO IDEAAA BWAAAAUUGHHH !!!!!!!!#ok im normal now (lie)
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my friend got an amazing new job at a place i applied to a bunch of times weeeeeeee
#the talkies#im so so so happy for her. i honestly am#but i am also so so sad and disheartened for myself#like its a great title with a great team and great pay and only needed one interview#and i honestly had a feeling she managed to get an offer while i was gone. bc thats just how things are#meanwhile i honestly dont know wtf is going on w my job prospects. like i apply and apply and get nothing back#all effort just seems completely futile now. better to lie down and rot#so good for her tho
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hi tumblr im pyrr pyrriax and im in my trimonthly artist arc, lord help me and all the projects that are currently sitting in my drafts while i am lured in by the siren song of drawing
#haunted ecosystem#this is not helping with how much my hands hurt on a daily basis this is why i type and dont handwrite/draw very much.#im lured in regardless and i really need to find an artform that doesnt Hurt but for now. digital art <3#like theres a difference between my dumb doodles (quick easy not much different from regular computer usage) and actual art#but im an artist at heart i spent sooooo long being an artist and thinking i was shit at writing. that is wrong! im actually kinda good#im rambling in tags today because i have been not social (my partner is in genshin hell and my beloved is. somewhere.)#okay but on another note i reread the first. couple chapters of wtds this morning? the pacing is a little weird and the tense is fucked#but its actually a lot better than i thought it was? you can tell i was fleshing everybody out in my head and i totally forgot about how#i described the watcher [who i am STILL redacting the name of until we get there] and just. ough. pandora being very logical#and then jumping to the latest chapter and fucking sobbing because i forgot about how it went and just. pandora and his.#whatever the fuck is wrong with him.#i have gotta start recommending people read that again. its surprisingly friendly without context because of how i approached it#that fic has taught me so many things its actually a little comical. it also made me relearn how to make and write ocs so thats fun#once i finish that main fic (and i WILL i am actually planning to sign up for a thing. im finishing it i swear.) i finally get to show off#more of the world and characters ive crafted. showing backstories and what-ifs and all these oneshots ive been keeping close to my chest#for like absolutely ages because i dont want any spoilers on my tumblr#and. im finishing that fic in pseudo-memoriam of somebody who deleted their accounts everywhere. still miss you dane!#ok this has completely gone off topic ily tumblr im going back to drawing and i might make a new pfp#it'll still be lavius but it'll be fray lavius since i think about him a lot and i like his color palette.
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houyi ..... i think i love all my bsd ocs on a degree that has me frightened
#tbd.#zhang linghe the man that you are#the bsd universe is my fav to explore at the moment and singularities are so interesting to me#i like what i did with houyi because as a gravity manipulator is manifests differently and links with his singularity#and his main goal right now is to find and reprimand ability user and singularity host paul verlaine#for his crimes and both because his organisation wants further testing and experimentation because the rumour has spread#that his previous singularity is GONE and he was given ANOTHER#which should not be possible from previous research#and houyis whole thing is he wants to be rid of his singularity or wants a better way to control it#that is completely his own#houyi killed his own original host to establish himself as the “original” being but he knows he isnt and it haunts him#my BABBYYYYYYY#he's the epitome of that “hey thats a nice random quirk youve got there. mind if i mimic it to appear human?”#and the thing is he switches so often between. im human. and IM A GOD.#and i think his original timeline thing stems from wanting to be human and then accepting the fact that he is a god#well. the vessel of one. but it is that it exists WITHIN HIM. but GGRRRFFFF#he doesnt smoke cigarettes but lights them and holds them between his fingers because thats what people do#he wonders that if he likes the colour yellow is that because he likes it? or because the researcher who input his coding#wanted him to like yellow. or did they like yellow.#i love him actually and ive yet to write him but hes there. in my mind. all the time#i think about him sooooo often#he has so many opportunities for threads and plots#gggrrrfff bark bark#will say. as someone who enjoys to a degree that is terridying the blade runner movies#he is very k coded from blade runner 2049 and also. insaaaaanely roy batty#i think i wrote it in his notes that houyi will kill his creator too#like all the rest of them have <3 some indirectly but#houyi makes the choice to kill her after i think a brief discussion on her decision to make him and the fact he always saw her#as more than just his maker#but to her he means so little .... mm roy batty it GIIIIIIVES <3
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#omfg i feel so completely melodramatic for typing this out rn but i have so many feelings and i need to get them out!!! DX#anyways so since just before the sunshine court came out i have yet again gone down an aftg rabbit hole#and what im here to specifically cry about is kevin#when i first read aftg my opinions on the characters were so different to what they were now#i cant completely remember how i felt about kevin. part of me thinks i felt that he was treated way too harshly by the others considering#the trauma he went through but part of me thinks maybe? i didnt care too much for him back then because i was taking the book at face value#and just going with how neil viewed him which is that hes The Best at exy but sort of annoying and harsh and needs to stick for himself more#idk idk but as of recent ive just been having a lot of emotions thinking about him. and especially wymack and him.#like he was just robbed of so much. and hes honestly so brave despite what people may think? hes soso flawed but thats what makes me love#him even more. he's just trying. so hard. to undo everything thats been engrained in him. and i just wanna cry and cry and cry!!!#because hes come so far! and hes amazing. and i wish i could properly express everything thats running through my mind rn but thats all i#got. back to reading fic centering kevin and wymack now 😭#le text post
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while i'm ofc sad we never got any ~canon~ saavik content past ST4, so much of the things they had planned for her wouldve been so bad... call her neo the way she dodged all of those bullets
#the pregnancy in st4 🤮#and while st6 wouldnt have been as bad as that it would have completely gone against saavik's character in the pandora principle#the movie mightve made less sense now but thats a small price to pay for saavik's character remaining perfect in my mind palace#i havent read up on what they were gonna do with saavik in tng but the teased marriage to spock put the fear of god in me
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.. i feel nauseous
#its not often anxiety gets this bad#oh boy but when it does....#.. yeah fuck it I'll vague here#i Know he doesnt want to be my friend#theres been a rift between us for a while now and ive certainly accepted it bc i feel like i have to#for his existence as a whole makes my brain buzzy so. i avoid him#and yes i should tell him this but thays a terrible terrible thing to say to someone#“hey! You are a trigger of mine!” thats awful#so i havent told him and tbh dont plan on it bc its a me issue i can deal with it my own way#it doesnt seem like hes super hurt by it since he just only talks to 🐶 and no one else in the group its like#you seem to be fine with the rift too#why bother repairing it when its. Gone#its completely gone now#at both of our faults#im not saying im in the right here bc im not ive fucked up sure#but with him im not sure id take any actions back if i could#with 🐶 on the other hand this is repairable; this is just a few planks snapped the bridge#we can fix it together if we work together about it#i dont think 🐰 is possible to salvage anymore#using emojis instead of names#nya.txt
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every time i so much as think about that scene where light looks at porn magazines while scowling i go into hysterics its genuinely the funniest thing i've ever seen
#the funniest thing is is that i truly believe he thought he was being 100% convincing. that that's normal behavior for a completely straight#completely allosexual man#light is fucking awful and i hate him but also there's nuance to him. and sometimes i can get a little like. oh thinking about his life#before the series. specifically factoring in my headcanons about him being gay aroace and autistic and stuff. ppl have written some rlly#good fics surrounding those topics.... but yeah thats not even canon stuff but i dont care#anyways its not in a way of making excuses for how he is i just think it adds more to his character#hes total garbage but i think theres really interesting stuff with him when it comes to how he's.... VERY disconnected from others#just in general. he's like aware of how to act ''normal'' on like the most textbook surface level without being like. Aware enough to#be able to make it more convincing. and as ridiculous as it is i do see some of myself in him in that sense#also that person who said light and L is just autistic guy who's been masking his entire life vs autistic guy who's never masked in his#entire life. LITERALLY EXACTLY. genuinely perfect way to describe them they are both so similar when it comes to this#but the ways they go about it are very different. light has been playing the part of the perfect son his whole life. L doesnt try to change#himself for anyone and doesnt care when people think hes weird. both of them arent very socially aware and havent had any real friends#their whole lives. its such a fascinating parallel between them#i could go on a whole fucking thing about how light was pretending to be someone he's not around his family and at school and everything#long before he got the death note BUT. i wont. at least not right now#jesus christ how did i go from laughing about him with the magazine to this. my bad#derailed my own damn post. idk swagever#will say rq tho. watched a vid on youtube that pointed out how light expected his family to think nothing of the fact that he's gone to#such drastic measures to hide his diary when making the plan with hiding the death note which is like#that level of dedication would NOT be normal. so the fact that light expects his family to think nothing of it......#i mean you could read that as light just once again being socially unaware. but it could also imply that light's family kind of Knows#he's hiding something and just doesn't address it. (he's gay. im talking about him being gay)#the video also referenced this comic that i didnt rb cause the actual premise of it (lawlight wedding) is um.#not at all my kind of thing. BUT it was light describing himself as a house with a basement when his family sees him as a one story house#and i thought that was such a cool analogy#ANYWAYYYSSSS i need to go to bed. thanks if you read my ramblings#serena.txt#death note posting#infizero.analysis
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This winter (the season not the me) has been unseasonably and terrifyingly warm, like it's 10 degrees (Celsius sorry Americans) out today and I'm reminded of an article I read in the news a couple years ago about how Canada was baking at twice the rate as the rest of the world and go 👁️👄👁️. In my youth snow where I live would be probably a foot high in the lowest snow areas of snow drifts and up to my waist (in adult height) in the high parts, and every year I see less and less snow ☠️☠️☠️
On one hand despite my namesake I actually loathe the season winter, I'm extremely sensitive to the cold and getting brain freeze because the wind is blowing against the direction you're walking in sucks booty hole. But like NO snow is extremely bad. VERY bad. Do not like living out the consequences of climate change because uh. Canada just does not seem to have winters like it used to and hasn't in years. It's like watching all the corn crops stop growing like they used to because the summers are so much dryer and hotter with the exception of last summer, which was almost wet enough to kill the corn with that. But they survived and grew bushy like they used to and it was kind of terrifying to acknowledge I hadn't seen a crop that good in years.
#winters ramblings#on one hand it genuinely is SO NICE to not deal with snow seriously it is SO inconvenient#beautiful to look at for sure REALLY stunning when its not literally blinding you but omG snow on roads#in the cities where i live leave HUGE slush puddles and the snow is so MUSHY and WET from cars#pulverizing it to a fine icy slush ready to SOAK your feet in freezing water. shit is inconvenience powder#but the environment is in NEED of the snow that is how this country works environmentally NORMALLY#but no now we have consistently spring weather and ever less snowy winters#although we did have a shitty winter a couple years ago but thats not exacy indicive of much when it goes against prior patterns#and also that shitty winter STILL wasnt the winters of my childhood. the snow was ABSURD then#and yes its because drifts were the size of ME but even the massive piles of snow plowed from side walks are so much smaller#IF theres snow pules at all weve BARELY got snow this year and none of it stuck!!#like damn its been gone long enough ill miss it exactly until i have to walk to a bus stop in it#when i was 13 ill never forget my parents making me return a movie in a snow storm and it took me FORTY MINUTES#to complete this task because the snow NO JOKE was up to my wasit the whole way and i was my full 5'6 then#the snow was HORRIBLE. and for reference how long it USUALLY takes me to walk uptown and back?#roughly 15 minutes round trip so it took longer to walk ONE WAY than it took me to do a round trip no snow#and thats the last time i remember having a REALLY bad winter on account of walking to school was ALSO hell if the sidewalk#wasnt already plowed and usually only the main streets got that and i was Middle Street so id be done when id be going HOME#but not when i was going TO school. that winter blew ASS butlike it was normal bring them back 😭😭
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{|{ I was peeking in tumblr after i left for a while.. and i don't know if its a good idea to ask but.. what happened to ' man in grey ' ? I couldn't help but notice the account was now Deactivated:( }|}
Hey there dear anon! Thanks so much for dropping by the inbox, and welcome back XD
I also noticed that man in grey was deactivated for a while, understandably so. Many idv ask blogs that die tend to get deactivated, so while I was a little bummed about it, I'm not surprised.
I also confirmed with man in greys mun that she's "in blog retirement". Considering she's been around much longer then I have, I'd say thats pretty accurate XD. Thank you so much for checking in though, it's nice to know that people still remember and care for these blogs!
#unconcerned ramblings#its me the mun#ppl lose interest n leave fandoms n sometimes old stuff is just too cringe to leave around#theyre not completely gone though. interactions with other blogs will be on other blogs. man in grey has definitely made his mark here XD#having said that. when i do decide to retire the blog ill definitely still keep it up#theres a lot of things that im proud of over here. the blog really inspired me to try so many different things that i usually wouldnt do#n u can definitely see my improvement over time as i got more comfortable with digital art#i personally find it endearing. i do look back on the blog every now n then. usually when someone likes a really old post#theres definitely a lot of cringe as well but. im glad for all that. i know i had a lot of fun with it. n thats all that matters reallt
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dear Cthulhu. i have. a month to do the malevolent big bang first draft... im gonna die aren't i
#WHAT HAVE I DONE#the word count isnt the issue i think its#COMPLETING THE STORY#cause#LIKE#i could have gone for something simple but NOOOOOO#I SAID HEY LETS MAKE IT FUCKIGN COMPLICATED#anyway if im not posting as much other stuff#thats why#im in bb hell#never done one before now.....#nerves#caspost
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