#thats antithetical to the point

[bastardlybonkers]

blond

[transformrobots]

comic 5 - thursday again

03-31-2025

[brw]

"but hamas is getting funded by extremist islamic hate groups!" do you think the U.S. government and military giving funding for israeli's war efforts against palestinians is a morally neutral and inherently righteous body that had no influence in the politics of southwest asia as a global colonial superpower. do you really think anything you can say about the people resisting oppression can't be said about the oppressors.

[cator99]

out of curiosity, would you consider yourself butch?

used to be a blonde underweight twink and now I'm a based jock still got the chanel bag and the sick albeit matured mind of a suckpig to prove it so I'm gonna let you decide whether you wanna call me that word just cuz I got a pussy and short hair. I promise you that there have been enough advancements made in the art of lesbian sexual dynamics in the past 50 years to broaden the vocabulary used to describe the plethora of types of masculine females.

[lucabyte]

2am purrgatorio update yaaaay. making a post here just because i know toyhou.se's subscription system makes things easy to miss </3

this ones been sat around for a looooong time in one form or another and is more a "wording-of-an-esoteric-lore-thing" than an actual purrgatorio so im considering it just a little filler thing while samhainian and i work on The Mall One(tm).

[slimebiter]

wait shit sorry i gotta be more discerning with my reblogs

[rosykims]

i genuinely love love love the iconoclast path in rogue trader SO MUCH. its one of the things that ultimately enamors me to the warhammer franchise as a whole despite empathy being so antithetical to its world and genre. its not just because iconoclast is the Nice Person route or because it subverts the foundational principle that In The Grim Dark Universe There Is Only War............ but mostly i love it because its the best way to actually engage w the morality system presented in 40k and explore it the way it deserves to be explored. its so unique parsing through the choices of the game and navigating how one might actually ACHIEVE goodness through - or more accurately without - the lens of liberal modern morality. because adhering to what we presently would call morality is arguably crueler than some of the dogmatic choices - or at least the game wants you to reflect on that and decide if that kind of morality still has value or not. and i like that they give you the opportunity to do that. youre rarely rewarded for kindness in this game and in fact your oftentimes actively punished for it (void shadows was a TRIAL for my iconoclast rt) which presents another question: are you being good because of a reward you believe you'lll be entitled to, or are you being good for the sake of goodness itself??? in saying that i do LOVE how there IS payoff in the iconoclast route eventually - when youve bleed and suffered for it enough. but theres a quality to it thats so..... so BITTERSWEET, because yippee you Empathed your way to the top - but also what IS the top?? congratulations, you are the kindest autocrat in the most bloodthirsty fascist regime in human history, sitting on your throne on a voidship run by all your slaves and serfs who die by the hundreds every time you make a warpjump for some dumbass sidequest. what the fuck. can you actually call that goodness ????? is whatever goodness-adjacent thing youve achieved worth it even if you cant change the system in the ways that matter ??? lastly - the iconoclast ending is both so wildly universe-altering to the point of feeling like a heretical ending - but also kind of. not mattering really lol. because even though its hopeful, the "good" ending still feels soooo tentative with the likelihood that its very likely not going to last. but that in itself is my favorite take away from playing this game as The Last Good Guy in the Galaxy: because the love DIDNT change anything. and it DOESNT save anyone. but ohhhhhhhhh my fucking god does it absolutely matter that it was there.

[jeonscatalyst]

as someone whos been on army twitter since 2018, it only seems like armys dont support jikook's bond the way jikookers do is because shippers are in a sub-fandom and within that subfandom they are in an echo chamber. its nothing unusual it's in literally every fandom but thats the only reason lol. like taekookers are saying the exact same thing, that the fandom is full of jikookers and everyone dismisses taekooks bond. solos and shippers all have their own "evidence" and "proof" or armys "not defending ___", and 9.9/10 its something 1) armys have never seen or even heard about bc twitter and the internet is a biiiig space or 2) something taken completely out of context. i like to be in this tag bc ive been an ot7 biased army since 2019 with jikook being my fav duo, and while i dont care to know if theyre in a relationship with each other, its not something crazy either because friends to lovers is like the oldest trope ever and also theyd be cute as hell together lmao. i dont follow any solo focused accounts or pairing accounts, literally only armys and when are you sure came out my tl looked like this tag 😭. armys are well aware of jikook's bond and are supportive of it, the issue is taekookers. i could make a thread of vmin, namkook, sope are married and get 10k likes, but i couldnt do that bc of taekookers. theyd swarm the quotes and no thats not armys doing it or armys fault, thats the twitter algorithm being 100000000x worst after elon musty took over bc it was not like that at *all* pre-him. with likes being hidden and the algo pushing deplorable disgusting terrible tweets, it makes it infinitely harder to take accts down.

also its like the way straight armys and lgbtq+ armys experience being a fan. you notice subtexts and clues that may or may not actually be there or mean what you think/want it to mean but its still your fandom experience and youre able to talk about it with other like-minded people. perfect example for this: like crazy. the queer coded-ness of it all, the makeup & earing on one side, jimin in my eyes created the bisexual Iliad in song form ! but thats not how most het armys wouldve viewed it at all, and that doesnt even mean my interpretation of it is correct or the only way to view it. im not going to look down on those who viewed it differently. so shippers are experiencing something different; they watch their pairing to see how they look at each other, touch each other, speak to each other, treat each other compared to everyone else. armys simply arent doing all that; and that doesnt mean we dont care or that shippers love them more (lol), it just means that within the shipping culture and sub-fandom, thats what yall do. which is cool, but like i said its not the *only* way an army can love and appreciate their bond. there's also the echo chamber aspect of the subfandom culture i didnt really get into but it also plays a huge part in why jikookers think armys dismiss or dont love jikook in the same way jikookers do. all this isn't necessarily a slight against you but i think conversations like these are necessary bc talking points like "armys dont actually like seeing jikook together" or "majority of the fabdom is taekookers who hate jikook" are extreeeemely slippery slopes that discourage any type of meaningful thought, and only encourages and eggs on solo rhetoric, which as we hopefully all know is directly antithetical to what any of the boys would ever want.

Hi anon,

I completely understand the points you’ve made, and I do agree with you to an extent. It’s true that in every sub-fandom within the main fandom, whether it’s Taekookers, Jikookers, other shippers, or solos, everyone essentially complains about the same issues, each armed with their own “proof” to justify their arguments. That part, I fully agree with.

However, while I see your point, I do want to emphasize that Jikook’s bond is often undermined by many within the fandom. And it’s not just Taekookers or solos; even some OT7 fans contribute to this. The reasons for this vary. Yes, you’ll find other groups complaining about the same things we do, but when you dig deeper to understand their grievances, it often turns out to be something taken out of context or just bitterness over someone highlighting Jikook or saying something positive about their bond.

The truth is that Jikook’s bond stirs mixed feelings in this fandom for many reasons. It has never been the simplest relationship to understand…or even to love, if I’m being honest. Many people join fandoms and sub-fandoms as an escape from real life issues, seeking something that feels lighthearted, comforting, or entertaining in their spare time. Because of this, a lot of people dislike grappling with more complex dynamics like Jikook’s. They either reject it outright because they don’t understand it or ignore it altogether. This lack of understanding often leads to their bond being undermined.

Jikook’s dynamic has historically made many people uncomfortable for a variety of reasons that I won’t delve into here. But when we talk about this fandom ignoring or undermining their bond, there is more than enough evidence to support that claim.

In contrast, what’s complicated or complex about Taekook? Their dynamic is fun, easygoing, and comforting, qualities that are universally appealing. There’s no need to overthink their interactions or navigate any layers of complexity when watching them. Everything that has ever appeared complex about those two is largely a result of shippers fabricating explanations to reconcile their behavior with the expectations of a romantic dynamic. These narratives are often crafted to justify why they don’t exhibit the typical actions or interactions one might expect from a couple… I.e Taekook not seen spending much time with each other = the company separating them or regulating their interactions on camera. Most people in the fandom, except for some Jikookers and solos, have no reason not to enjoy their dynamic. An easy way to see this is by observing the response to their content. A Taekooker can make up lies, edit photos, or take moments out of context, and it will gain over 20k likes, with the fandom eagerly eating it up. Meanwhile, Jikookers can post real, authentic moments of Jikook, only to have their posts reported. So, no, for the most part, Taekookers don’t have a strong basis for their claims. (This isn’t the bone of contention but just had to mention this)

I also agree with you that many fans don’t pay attention to the same things shippers and solos focus on. Sometimes they’re simply unaware of certain dynamics, which can come across as indifference. I also don’t entirely agree with the narrative that ARMYs dislike seeing Jikook together. I’ve seen the fandom be supportive of Jikook as a duo but I still firmly believe Jikook is one of the pairs whose bond is most heavily undermined. A clear example of this is how much of the fandom dismisses Jikook’s interactions as mere fanservice, simply because some of their moments appear too “intimate” or “gay” for their liking.

This is definitely a topic that deserves more discussion because there’s so much to unpack here.

[twipsai]

The Phantom Rider, Sonic's "hero" status, and Sonic's love for his friends: a poorly put-together analysis

so, ive seen a non-zero amount of people say that Sonic taking on the alter ego of the Phantom Rider is out of character for him, and my knee-jerk reaction was to disagree (though, im biased, because i adore the Phantom Rider). but then i thought about the why of it all -- why does it not feel out of character for Sonic to disguise himself to cause chaos?

full post and me over-analyzing a blue hedgehog under the cut

part 1: Sonic will break the rules

well, first of all, Sonic doesnt really care too much about being a hero. he helps people because he wants to, not because its expected of him. weve all seen those satbk cutscenes reposted to hell and back, so let me be the millionth to do so

when Merlina tells Sonic that, upon taking Caliburn, he would become the villain in everyones eyes, he shrugs it off. and even later, when Gawain tries to talk him down from battling Merlina, Sonic dismisses the idea that hes doing this out of some kind of chivalry or duty, that he fights because he wants to.

there are many other instances of Sonic not really caring about rules or social conventions, and gladly breaking them if it means he can save people (dude literally runs from cops in sa2), but its never directly stated as explicitly as it is in satbk.

so, Sonic doesnt care about being a hero, and doesnt care about being a villain in other peoples eyes if he knows hes doing whats right. youd think with this facet of his character, him actively disguising himself as the Phantom Rider would be antithetical to this point, right? if he doesnt care about being seen as a villain, then he shouldnt have to mask his identity. its a fair conclusion to come to, but it also ignores what i think is one of Sonic's core personality traits;

part 2: Sonic loves his friends a lot

its strange to me that not a lot of people bring this up, because he does! from "and Amy... take care of yourself," to "I'll have you smiling by the end of this," Sonic just genuinely loves his friends to death, and doesnt want to sabotage them.

if he runs out there to cause chaos during the clean sweepstakes, completely unmasked? everyone who knows a single thing about Sonic will start to assume bad things about the Restoration. just because Sonic has good intentions doesnt mean hes above the rules, and acting like he is can put people he cares about (namely Jewel and the Diamond Cutters) at the mercy of public opinion.

he cant act like hes above the rules, especially when hes directly associated with the Restoration (even if hes not a part of it) during the clean sweepstakes.

(id also like to point out that here, Sonic doesnt even consider it a bad thing to be completely and utterly chaotic and disruptive at first; Tails has to remind him its a bad idea)

and understandably so! we see how everyone reacts to seeing Sonic as the Phantom Rider, especially Tangle -- its a tough pill to swallow, especially without all the context involved. to an outsider, it looks like Sonic is just trying to sabotage the clean sweepstakes because hes being a sore loser (or, really, any other number of malicious reasons)

but, really, i think that the point im trying to make is summed up best by Amy and Sally (even though its in Archie)

thats just not how they do things. they dont want to cause necessary chaos or danger just for the hell of it, and they certainly dont want to associate the Restoration with that sorta thing -- people look to the Restoration for hope, and while Sonic is associated with it during the clean sweepstakes, his hands are a bit tied. itd be a total dick move for him to basically throw his friends (and especially Jewel) under the bus like that, and he knows it.

Sonic may not care about his reputation in other peoples eyes, but he cares greatly about how his actions affect his friends.

part 3: the conclusion

its easy to assume that, based on how lax Sonic is with rules and social conventions, him disguising himself just to cause a distraction for Amy and Tails to get attention off of them would be out of character. but, based on the circumstances, i think that it makes enough sense given the context for him to take the route that he does.

sorry if this analysis is a little all over the place, im sorta scatter brained right now but i wanted to get my thoughts out about this cuz its been on my mind

[majorasnightmare]

what does Dirge get up to post-epilogue following his recovery in the city? does he have a plan or does he sort of just get pulled into another adventure?

does Minthara's hypothetical daughter (in reference to her patched Speak with Dead) dialogue come into play at all or are you ignoring that/brushing it off as a dev mistake?

WAAAAA SURPRISE ASK

honestly given that minthara never talks about her child in game and she never dies in dirges playthru, theres just no way in game for him to ever experience that dialogue or get that info. and because of that, their entire relationship on AND off screen is built without it. also my entire characterizarion of minthara+her relationship with dirge was built without it, so while im sure theres enjoyable avenues of character analysis to be built off it, i personally am not super invested in exploring it thru dirges storyline. the answer to how hed cope with a child+kids in general is already p well handled thru jaheiras family+arabella+mol and mattis+his brothers child with laezel. wrt mintharas storyline, its such a nothingburger in game since it doesnt let you rly engage with that aspect of her in dialogue at all. like minthara and motherhood IS interesting and fascinating, for sure, theres a lot to unpack there. but i think itd be better explored with a romanced partner that isnt dirge. dirge and minthys relationship generally explores themes of autonomy, worship, power, trauma, and recovery and while raising a daughter isnt antithetical to that, any child in the picture would need to take center stage as a third major player in the dynamic, and it just doesnt rly have room for something like that as ive currently characterized it.

tldr ill play in momthara spaces online and in headcanon but its not a factor in her story with dirge 👍

as for what he does post game. OUGH THATS A DOOZY. i havent really settled on it! withers hints that he'll call the gang back together (potentially owing to cyric shenanigans) and dirge is honestly more of an adventurer than a homebody, but part of why he ends up in baldurs gate is explicitly BECAUSE thats more challenging for him. returning to menzoberranzan is a return to comfort, lets him avoid the things he dislikes about himself+the city, lets him stay in easy comfortable habits that dont get challenged or upturned. he gets to just do what hes been doing, this time with fewer stressors, and never have to worry about changing himself as a person. while dirge would like that more, its less interesting than dirge having mental breakdowns because he cant figure out how laundry works! so his current canon endgame is going into traumatic brain injury induced torpor, getting emergency psychic surgery from omeluum, then being out cold for most of the time skip to the epilogue party. minthara establishes a house in the upper city for them and starts ingratiating herself in Gate politics and involving herself with the citys movers and shakers, so that by the time dirge comes to (to start physical therapy yayyy), itd be REALLY hard to just up and leave. theyve been settled for months by that point, and minthys been operating on the assumption thered be no way to tell when dirge returned to her, so she had to prepare for the long haul of maintaining a stable home for both of them with proper access to medical treatment and professional help. that rly digs roots in deep and makes it hard to just. up and GO. so baldurs gate is his home and base of operations both out of necessity by his circumstances, and also by narrative symbolism because he doesnt get to ignore hes a deeply unwell individual full of psychological problems, disability, and trauma. minthara also, imo, REALLY needs that space to develop herself outside of her relationship to dirge because if SHE had it her way, shed deflect and gladly play second fiddle to her trusted alurlssriin because thats just the safest option. Access to safety and power and shielded from personalized consequences with a guaranteed defender who wont allow her to be betrayed or backstabbed. Its a position that minimizes her autonomy by feeding her power and influence through the person shes attached to, and while its safe, it isnt what minthy needs to THRIVE. so 6 month break!

after the epilogue, dirge is primarily trying to regain his ability, and assisting minthara with her political maneuvering and scheming, something shes canonically having a blast with. Dirge himself is very comfortable playing a support role, but is def struggling with the severe drop in kill frequency. Turns out his idea of "drip feeding the Urge" in game was actually SIGNIFICANTLY more frequent than even his bhaalist years! spending 30ish years killing once a tenday, to about a year killing once a DAY to once every several days, and then going tendays to MONTHS without killing is uhhh. an Adjustment™️. but beyond All That, hes doing a lot of Forbidden Necromancy research, happily cultivating a poison+alchemy garden, and also being forced by his loved ones to socialize. He babysits decently often! Being in the Gate makes it easier for ppl to contact him so hes frequently in contact with Isobel, Shadowheart, and Gale, and Astarion has free reign to crash at his house. Rly its just everyone Off Plane that he doesnt get to talk to often.

honestly i personally would love for his gay ass to go out and cause trouble again. its just rly hard finding a reason WHY. like theres several projects hes working on that could provide a REASON but not the middle bit of actually being a problem solved by adventuring. Theres fixing Karlachs heart, curing astarions sunlight sensitivity, finding a way to revive Orin. Theres also the fact hes a forbidden knowledge blood hound and would ADORE the chance to tear through ancient ruins for archeological artifacts and magic lore. Hes also contractually obligated via Chosen Soul Pact to assist Withers if he comes calling, and on top of that Bhaal finally hung up Ye Olde Divine Landline allowing other Gods to hit Dirge up, so its less "Dirge doesnt adventure again" and more "He would but idk what'd CAUSE it". Theres a lot of options and if he wasnt a special snowflake+over level 12 id play him in a dnd campaign for sure

[gayson-voorhees]

VIP (Very Important Prefect) collection

I’ve drawn more in the past few months than I did the entirety of last year.

These are in order and it's really funny to me to look at them and be like hey where did that artstyle come from??? this does not matter to any of you bc I never post art here so You can't tell. but this is nothing like the way I drew pre getting big into twst. I also used to struggle really heavily with drawing little things for fun?? Stuff akin to the blazing jewel thing, like I had to draw with the intention of drawing an entire thing or when I did do little stuff it was because I was really frustrated and couldn’t draw anything at all and had to try and force something out or I’d go insane. But now I’m skipping through a field of flowers under a rainbow. Art has become a real yippee activity. AND ITS ALL THAT STUPID CROW’S FAULT. Like yeh yeh I guess the way to get better at art really is to go insane about the character. Real tried and tested method. But I think this is the first time I’ve for real gotten better. My character interactions are better, their interactions with the world in general are better, my forms have more weight, I’m so much faster than I was before, I’m enjoying myself, I am simply no longer the struggler!!

I don't like the way my playful land one turned out and you can tell (Well I can tell) I was having problems with the face n stuff but it's important to me and I think that one shows more than anything else how my art changed. Very rapidly mind you. Also I like the outfit so I couldn’t just nooooot post it. My mental illness that says I must draw an outfit for every event also says i must post it actually. I have a couple more playful land/fellow stuff and HONESTLY I just need to redraw it all🧍‍���️ I was struggling really bad with my art pre-twst and the first couple months of playing before the ability to draw again hit me like a train and so I look at the couple things I did manage to force my hands to comply with and I’m just clenching my fist bc I know I can do better.

The last one is the only for real wip on here and it’s also the one I’ve struggled the most with recently. Which is kinda antithetical to everything I’ve said about yay yippee art, but I tried to draw it and it pissed me off so bad I had to put it in the hell folder (the folder where I put things I’m so unhappy with I know they’re a dead end and I can’t look at them anymore but they’re also important to understand what I’ve done wrong so I can’t delete them) which is the first hell folder use this year! I was like “this isn’t working. what if I just made it into this instead” and then it looked bad and I was unhappy with it and it’s just not what I wanted, but thats because I had fallen into my old ways of not using my lines and simple shapes properly and getting really frustrated while drawing and trying to force it. I went back the next day new canvas and redid it from scratch perfectly first try and it’s perhaps my most favourite thing I’ve ever drawn. And I will finish it. Trust🫡 There’s a first time for everything!!!! It’s too nice and silly and cute to just leave collecting dust. Maybe I’ll even colour it oooooo

Ok What else do I have in my files.. I’ve got a second Crowley wip that I didn’t want to post bc I’ve not drawn clothes yet and it looks.hm. without them. but I’m putting off finishing it bc drawing them is going to drive me insane- and I’m having some pose problems with an arm in it and you know I’m gonna finish it at some point but I need to sit on it for a bit. BUT. it’s cute. so here’s the last screenshot if took of it.

[littleeyesofpallas]

They're long buried in the asks I never touch but I've had a few people ask me about if i ship anyone in bleach and for the most part I never answer because i don't (or the ones I do I do only very tepidly) and theyre all canon anyway so thats boring. But also the reason I don't is that I have a sort of broad distain for shipping as a practice --not as like some deranged antishipper horseshit(fuck those people) but just because I don't feel the impulse, and the impulse I do see in others always tends to seem predicated on grievous misreadings of the characters-- but that's a snooty beef to have with people so I don't voice my disagreements with specific/individual ships. That'd be rude.

But all that aside Bleach in particular does have one added layer to things... I think Bleach's narrative is kind of antithetical to shipping.

All of Bleach's canon relationships have this tragic and/or one-sided component that gives this really consistent tone that to love is to lose and to hurt. And honestly, given my personal opinion of Kubo's writing talent, I do think that's mostly incidental BUT I don't think there isn't some really interesting theming to take away from all that.

I've prattled on before about the Sun imagery in Bleach and how it seems to align with a lot of classically archetypal sun and light symbolism, as well as a few of its own unique symbolic uses: the sun gives light and warmth, its an icon of enlightenment, its the center of the galaxy around which other celestial bodies orbit, it's thus a power of attraction and order, and it's the brightest star in the sky. All of these aspects are either embodied or directly contrasted with major villains like Aizen and YHWCH as well as in Ichigo himself, and to much lesser degrees his mother, Masaki, and Shiba Kaien.

Masaki's death motivates Ichigo.

Rukia and Ichigo have a specifically platonic relationship built on mutually changing each other's lives

All throughout the body of the actual story, Orihime's feelings for Ichigo are one sided.

Uryuu's obvious unspoken feelings toward Orihime are likewise.

Renji likewise and even more explicit.

Rukia's with Kaien doubly so, with the added drama of him already having a wife AND her having to put him down herself.

Tousen's unspoken one sided love for his unnamed dead friend.

In a way Komamura's kind of sadly underdeveloped feelings about the whole Tousen betrayal.

Hinamori's tragically misguided adoration of Aizen.

Hitsugaya's one-sided puppy love crush on Hinamori.

Rangiku and Gin's fascinating, somehow mutually one-sided(?) romance.

Sui-Feng's beautiful "why didn't you take me with you?" tragedy with Yoruichi.

Ulquiorra's fixation on Orihime.

Riruka's extremely straight forward weaponized toxic love.

Even Ginjo and Tsukishima's lightly touched upon history together suggests a mix of overzealous devotion and deliberate grooming.

Aizen's forced obedience and abuse of his power over the Arrancar as a false Sun icon, generally more abstract but most literally manifested in Loly's jealous fangirl shtick.

And YHWCH's sinister manipulative exploitation of his followers devotion as an extension of the Sun symbol being its own kind of love, in the rather on the nose christofaciat/cultist sense.

Heck even Bazz-B and Juugram's melodramatic but kind of inconsequential relationship fits this.

Kanae and Ryuuken too I guess, but that's such a nothing romance b-plot inside of a nothing flashback, inside of nothing training arc anyway...

Like, the primary defining feature of all those relationships is the ways they don't work. The moment you make any of them reciprocal they lose the only point of interest they have. And consequently the whole of Bleach is fueled by the attractive force of one sided, unresolved, and otherwise doomed relationships.

And like I said, I don't actually give Kubo credit for that, but I think it creates a very apparent trajectory of a boy(Ichigo) forever changed by the loss of a loved one, his mother, the center of his universe trying to find a power that will allow him to hold onto those closest to him so he won't ever feel that loss again. And the power he's given is Rukia's, a power not just to fight and protect, but a power to influence and inspire. It's the power that bleeds out into Orihime and Chad, and even Tatsuki and Keigo, and Karin. It's the power that attracts them to him, and holds them in orbit as he unknowingly becomes that missing Sun, the center of a new universe all his own. And that creation of a new system of the divine around his solar self is the ascension toward godhood, both in that pseudo spiritual symbolism sense as well as literally in the story(at least until it abruptly and without explanation/clarification just isn't).

Point being, Bleach's only sensible reciprocal ship that I see is that of Ichigo as an ascended god shining a universal light of love and protection on all living things and their returning love for their God experienced/achieved in the flickering moment of my own headcanon climax of the series right before his friends all yank him back off the god throne and some deus ex machina(Urahara) solves the cosmic puzzle for them.

That and Ikkaku×Yumichika.

[daydrinking75]

fuck off i just wana get high of prescription medication so my back stops hurting and not participate in society. cant i just DO things? without the weight of having a future and fighting for to keep it. its not that im being forced to, but its my only option. i dont think its worth dying yet, theres nothing to die over really; the cumulative experience of 20 years really is nothing in the grand scheme of things. i have an idea of who i could be, and id like to see that person and be that person, but i can only do so if i keep living. and living means work. it takes a lot of work to live. and that makes me just wana kill myself because why is life--something thats upheld on this stupid pedestal and considered "good"--so damn painful? to me anyway. thats the unfortunate thing, i can only experience the universe through myself. these things are only painful to me, in the sense that without myself present, there wouldn't ve anyone in pain. and the world wold continue to exist. "painful" really just means inconvenient. then again, maybe i just havent felt real pain. im a white girl complaining on the internet with fancy words--i know how it sounds. and even then, pain beyond my understanding is just an extreme inconvenience beyond my understanding. it doesnt devalue it though, what was gained and lost from the pain doesnt go away just because it's a pest. thats the opposite of what they do. some people have wasp nests in their brain. some people clean them out, some let them fester--some people have butterflies (how wonderful that must be), ants, spiders--things of an infestive nature. they accumulate over time, its up to you how to handle it. its a responsibility, to live. to ensure to properly treat the environment of infectents. and ive always struggled to care. to give a fuck. i just dont. for whatever reason, on principle, i couldnt be bothered with responsibility. but i am by the suffering it brings. and the eventual suffocation--forget falling figs, i feel like im watching termites devour my future because of my conscious neglect. i cant stand it. and im sure this is a common occurrence. but i dont have a "will to live" i have a will to become, and the only way to do that is to stay alive long enough for me to understand and grow myself into someone worth dying next to. because im unable to become something when i die, thats all i am, dead. and all the blood and tears and trauma that comes with that concept. but in my experience life is full of that anyway, and the only thing that sets apart the "big sleep" is the act of ending life. it just stops. its a given that im agnostic--i wish i believed in a god that loved me, people often seem happier when they have divine love, even if it hurts others--and for me heaven isnt a place i'll find after i die. hell might be, but that doesnt change the fact that the afterlife remains provably defined as a variable. an entity of limitless possibilities, including nothing at all. the only thing thats known for sure is that its not this, its not life. otherwise it wouldn't end so abruptly. so life and death are antithetical and interchangeable; just two different states of existence. its not by any fault of its own that death is so painful; its a function, a process, it will execute its purpose regardless of if it hurts someone or not. unfortunately all things living, including people, are those who deal with the hurt. no one finds the things that hurt them appealing. well, thats a lie. if you know you know. lets say its at the very least impractical; if you want to live, why would you be attracted towards death? what a wonderful question. its a shame i dont have the answer. i have speculations, educated guesses, impulsive thoughts, but its about time i circle back to the point im trying, flimsily, to make; its impossible to live without thinking. without engaging in life. in society. in people. its those things that give us substance; reality is precious because its uncontrollable, daydreams wont ever compare. so maybe the unknown isnt so scary. its different.

[tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors]

ooh wait i was actually just thinking about how wickhills probably cant have christmas just because like. its so antithetical to every fae safety tip because like? magical creature who breaks into your house once a year, who you leave milk and sweets out for? ok thats a brownie. and they give you gifts? well we all know what happened when the wallers accepted a gift from the fae. like the very concept of santa would probably be enough to make the kids of wickhills terrified what do you mean the supernatural magical creature is in my house whilst im sleeping trying to give me things this is meant to be a GOOD thing?? this same concept probably also applies to the tooth fairy

laksjlajdlakjsdlj you know what you make an extremely compelling point for wickhills being a no chirstmas zone XD

[crazysodomite]

i think sailing could have been improved by adding more ruins and more beautiful landmarks. i actually don't Really agree with adding more actual gameplay to sailing bc while playing i thought to myself "this is just the right amount of interactivity to be able to focus on what characters are saying while not feeling like i'm just watching a loading screen with text on it"

but thats my personal opinion. idk what other people might think. i liked sailing and mulling over my thoughts and discoveries.

the site finding mechanic was not the best though. the way the map is positioned has always confused me as to where i was about to turn which led me to open the map several times in a row when i was approaching any turn. and i had to do that because the companion i was with wouldnt actually be helpful in leading my search and more often than not would send me in circles or somewhere away from the site entirely. which was annoying.

and the constant repetitive dialogue of "this is an area of minor flow" and "feels good to be back on a real river" got old really quickly. i didn't HATE it but i certainly didn't love it. i would enjoy it more if maybe while i was searching for the cite my companion would talk to me about the stuff we found pertaining to it or their theories about it. or anything really. it was a really dull part of the game.

i hated the sections where i only had a limited amount of time to explore because it felt like i needed to rush which felt antithetical to this game's whole premise. but i kinda Understand why it was introduced. Kindaa.... i felt like the health/stamina (?) mechanic was an afterthought even though i understand the story reason for it. it was dragging the game down more than it was lifting it up.

my absolute least favorite parts of all is having my conversations cut off by something. it definitely happened sometimes. if i initiate any kind of dialogue or text prompt i want it to fully finish no matter what. this whole game is about information so there's nothing more excruciating than missing out on information. yes, even if it's idle chatter.

frankly, to me the idle chatter and convos with my companion is what made the game good. i saw a lot of people complaining about the walking speed or the way the game felt slow or whatever but wasn't really ever frustrated by this because there's pretty much always dialogue to read and the mc and her companion constantly talk and comment on what's going on. some people also found this annoying but i personally liked it. i was pretty much always interested in what they had to say but your mileage may vary i guess.

i was never annoyed by this because i knew i wasn't in a rush and could explore at my own pace while reading everything there was to read and find out. this is why i Hated any kind of time limits because it made me feel like i need to rush from point of interest to point of interest to not 'miss out' on crucial details. those were the points i was annoyed by the dialogue prompts the mc or her companion initiated. to be fair i only remember like 2 sections like that and it really wasn't That bad.

it may seem like i'm shitting on this game but i did really like it. at least i liked it enough to forgive and ignore most of these pain points.

that being said, come on guys. it shouldn't be that hard to make a room Rendereable...

also, please. no more "are you ready to move on?" prompts. i wasn't super greatly annoyed by those but they felt really unnecessary. do not prompt me to move on unless i explored everything there was to explore or i'm in mortal danger or something. make it so *i* have to initiate moving back to the ship. seriously.

[allegra-writes]

"Baby Claudia and The Vampires"

Lestat De Lioncourt x Louis De Pointe Du Lac

All Human, Rock Band AU. Kid fic. Drabble.

General Audiences

Warnings: None. Tooth-rotting fluff.

There is someone everyone Lestat knows seem to love more than they love him. For once, he is ok with it.

SERIES MASTERLIST | MY MASTERLIST

For as long as Lestat could remember, he had always felt torn inside. A part of him longing to be a rockstar, longing for the adrenaline and the lifestyle, the fast pace of it all, the long nights, the crows, the fans; another part of him longing for the simple life he never got to have as a child, the routine, the support of his own little family, the comfort of coming home to a house that wasn't empty and cold but filled with laughter, joy, the smell of fresh homemade food and even one or two messes here and there…

It seemed like whatever he choose to do with his life, he was always going to feel the lack of something. He didn't think he could ever have them both, have everything... Until he met Louis.

Louis De Pointe Du Lac had had enough crazy days -and nights- as a teenager and a young adult that by the time he turned thirty, his hunger for adventure was completely sated. Partying, drinking, gambling and gluttonous whoring held no appeal to him anymore. He was perfectly happy to live a quiet life as an English teacher… Until he met Lestat. 

Their lifestyles couldn't be more opposed, their worlds more different. But you know what they say about opposites, and so Lestat and Louis fell for each other like rain falls in July in New Orleans. And against all odds, somehow, their love worked. 

And suddenly, Lestat was able to blend together both aspects of his dreams, both sides of him, so seamlessly and naturally, it made him wonder why he had ever thought about them as antithetical in the first place. 

He didn't missed staying out till later at night, because he knew the real fun woud start when he got home. Or sometimes to the car, when Louis and him were too impatient to keep their hands off each other any longer. He didn't envy the models watching his bandmates record their parts from the other side of the glass, because his husband was far more beautiful than any of them. He didn't envy their sports cars cause now he owned something far more precious than any expensive watch or drones or toys, and he needed a backseat to carry it. 

No, the jewel currently in his arms was getting him more attention than any flashy possession he could think of. 

Little Claudia was currently perched on his knee, banging the drums with all the might her toddler arms were capable off, as he juggled keeping her balanced and keeping the huge noise canceling headphones rightly placed on her tiny head to completely cover her teeny baby ears. He could feel Louis' hawk eyes on the both of them even from the other side of the glass, and it was totally unnecessary, cause he was perfectly capable of keeping his baby girl safe. But far from finding it annoying, the thought of his husband worrying and loving the delicate being he was holding as much or even more so than himself did, made him love Louis even more.

He had never thought that was possible.

"Alright, Lestat, I think thats a wrap. We totally have what we needed" Daniel’s voice resonated through the speakers, the red light turning off, signaling they weren't recording anymore and it was safe for him to talk now.

"Really? And how did she do?"

The goofy smiles from all his bandmates were a real sight: four grown men, looking every bit the rockstars they were, totally wrapped around the finger of his two year old.

"Amazing. She is a prodigy, Les, I'm telling you. We might have to replace you with her. Maybe even have her lead the band"

"Baby Claudia and The Vampires" Armand decided, making Lestat chuckled. 

It had a nice ring to it.

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