#that's why when people tell me they're already there (sometimes even demanding where i am and even telling me to hurry up)

[silentgravesdontexist]

There's nothing I hate more than making people wait for meet-ups. That's why it bothers me when someone tells me they're already at the meeting place earlier than the call time, and they're asking where I am. Then I get there as fast as I can, but it turns out that they were lying about already being there.

[beels-burger-babe]

All is Fair in Dice and War

***Soooo, @bagelsinatoaster I love this request. However, you didn't specify which board game and as I am a huge nerd I decided to take some creative liberties and combine this with another idea I've been meaning to write which is: MC introducing the demon bros to Dungeons and Dragons. I certainly had fun with this and I hope you like it!*** Summary: Leviathan's world is flipped upside down when MC tells him there is a game that basically allows him to be the Lord of Shadows in real life!! He demands that his brothers join him as MC introduces them all to the chaotic shit show that is Dungeons & Dragons. For once, it was a peaceful day in the House of Lamentation. Lucifer was lounging in the living room with a cursed record playing softly in the background. For once, Satan had willingly joined him and was sitting by the fireplace, thumbing through a book on the human world. Belphie had been passed out on the couch when he arrived and was still laying there with an impressive puddle of drool collecting near his mouth. Even Asmodeus and Beel had joined in, with Asmodeus gently humming to himself as he painted his nails and Beelzebub happily munching on a snack as he enjoyed the sight of his family getting along. Yes. It was perfectly quiet and peaceful, and Lucifer didn't even have any traces of his regular migraine. But of course, nothing good lasts forever. Everyone jumped as the door slammed open and a wide-eyed Leviathan dragged you into the room. The two you very closely followed by Mammon loudly complaining. "Oi! You're gonna hurt them! Cut it out, Levi!" Lucifer sighed and closed his eyes, momentarily mourning the peace that he had just barely begun to enjoy, and closed his book. "Leviathan, let MC go. What are you freaking out about this time?" Lucifer regretted asking the moment the words left his mouth. Levi looked at it with the expression he only ever got when his limited edition Ruri-Chan merch arrived; his eyes were wide and glittering with excitement while his face bore a grin so large that Lucifer was surprised it didn't rip his skin. The third-born was practically vibrating as he let go of your wrist and pushed you forward. "Tell them! Tell them about the game!"

You laughed at Levi's excitement and casually rubbed your wrist. "I was just telling Leviathan about a game that we play in the human world called Dungeons and Dragons-" "You get to make a fantasy world that everyone plays in, and everyone makes characters. You can be a wizard and cast spells against a huge monster! Or a war hero fighter that has been betrayed by his brother! Or a noble knight who is looking for his lost kingdom! And the best part is that it's real!" Levi interrupted, nearly jumping in place as stars danced in his eyes. You put your hands out towards him to try and calm him a bit. "Well, not entirely real. It is played in person, but it's a role play tabletop game, meaning it mostly relies on the players' imagination. That is unless you have thousands of dollars to spend on 3D maps and figurines of your characters." Levi's eyes grew even wider, if possible, as he started shaking his hands up and down. "I CAN HAVE A FIGURINE OF A CHARACTER THAT I MADE?! GAAAAAAAAAHH!" A pillow flew across the room and hit Levi square in the face as a now awake Belphegor glared at him. "Will. You. Shut. Up?" the Avatar of Sloth hissed as a dark dangerous aura grew around him. Beel gently patted his twin's head in hopes of calming him. Leviathan pouted as he noticed no one else seemed to be getting excited about it. "C-Come on guys! This isn't even a video game! It's a thing that we can all do together and personalize it to be something that everyone will like. It'll be fun! Right MC?" You nodded as you gently tossed Belphie's pillow back over to him. "Yeah. I love D&D. I played it all the time in the human world. There's action, suspense, and even romance if you really wanted it," a couple of the brothers perked up at that. "I could put together a one-shot for you guys to try it out if you'd like? I'll help you make your characters, and we can all get together for an evening and play it sometime in a couple weeks." The room went quiet as everyone thought it over. Most of them had no interest in the game itself, but if it was organized by you... "I'm in," Beel decided with a nod. "I think it will be fun. All of us trying something new; it could be neat." Satan casually flipped a page in his book, "The creative aspect of it is definitely appealing. We'd be the masters of our own fate, and that most certainly piques my interest." Asmodeus smirked as he put the cap on his nail polish. "And you said it could be whatever we want? My, one might say that this game could help our wildest fantasies come true~" he made sure to wink at you as he giggled. Belphie, who had only just got back his pillow, scrunched up his face in disgust and launched it at Asmo. "Don't make this weird Asmo," he looked over at you and shrugged, "So long as you do all the work in putting together the character thing, sure. Why not?" Mammon looked over at you from the corner of his eye. "Ya mean to tell me, that you can make it so I'm some awesome, rich, and powerful prince?" Asmo scoffed as he pushed the pillow off his lap. "Please Mammon, even the world of make-believe has its limitations." Mammon blushed as he growled at his brother. You just chuckled and teasingly elbowed his side. "Don't listen to him, Mammon. There is a set amount of how much money you start out with depending on your class and background, but I'm sure we can find something that will make you happy." The second-born blushed even more as he grumbled quietly under his breath. Lucifer tilted his head in thought. "I suppose that if everyone else is playing, naturally I must as well," he stood and began to make his way to his office. "I look forward to seeing what you come up with MC." The next two weeks were spent planning and carefully figuring out the details of the one-shot and the characters that everyone was going to play. Levi was, of course, the first one who came to you to build his character. The two of you spent hours going through the Player's Handbook and sourcebooks to find the perfect build to recreate the Lord of Shadows. In the end, you put

together a human fighter that you gave a couple magic items to make Levi's vision really come to life. It seemed basic, but for the Lord of Shadows, it was perfect. The moment the two of you finished, Levi dove to his computer and ordered a custom-made mini that looked exactly like his character. Satan was genuinely interested in the game, especially after he learned about all the lore and rules behind the different classes and races. You had just been chilling in your room one day when the door burst open. Satan stood there with wide eyes holding a copy of Volo's Guide to Monsters. "MC, why didn't you tell me there are cat people?!" You chuckled, knowing exactly where this was going. "They're called tabaxi, but yeah, they're basically cat people. Would you like to play as one?" He scoffed and snapped the book shut. "Is that even a question? Of course, I'm playing as one." After some discussion and bouncing back and forth between classes a couple of times, Satan settled on a tabaxi druid; that way he not only looked like a cat, but he could speak to them as well. After a few days of you spending time with his brothers focusing on getting their characters ready, Mammon came to you wanting the coolest, most epic character ever. At first, it was clear that he wasn't fully invested in the process, but as he saw the customizable options and all the cool stuff that his character could have, you got his attention. You ended up designing a golden teifling rogue (you tried to tell Mammon that teifling usually wasn't yellow, but he gave you such a sad look that you couldn't say no) that was decked out with piercings and gems all over its horns and tail. He tried to act like he wasn't that excited about it, but one day during class you caught him doodling what looked like a stick figure version of the character on his sheet with a big smile on his face. Asmodeus came in shortly after Mammon finished,

insisting on having the most charming and beautiful character there was. You tapped your chin at the request. "I mean, stereotypically bards are extremely charming and...well seductive...almost too seductive. But that's only thei-" Asmo had hearts in his eyes before you could even finish. "That's what I want to be!" You sighed and made a mental note not to include any dragons in the session as you marked Asmo down to be an elven bard and helped him create his character sheet. You hadn't heard anything from Lucifer for nearly that entire first week, until one day as you were lounging in the living room, he walked in holding a stack of resource books. "Ah, MC. I've been looking for you. I wanted to inform you that I will be playing a half-elf multiclassing as a paladin and hex-blade warlock." You blinked at him as he put all the books down in front of you. "O-Oh. Would you like help putting together your character sheet?" He just grinned and began to make his way out of the room once more. "I've already done it. I must admit that this was quite a bit more interesting than I thought it would be," and with that he was gone, leaving you to try and figure out what had just happened. With only a few days left until the one-shot, you had to go find the twins and get them to make their characters. Beel apologized like crazy for you having to track him in down in order to get his character made. The poor guy was in the middle of peak Fangol season and had completely forgotten. Once the two of you sat down in the kitchen with an empty character sheet in one hand and snacks in the other, Beel gave you his full attention. He put a lot of thought in his character and wanted to make it really good since he appreciated that you were doing something that they could all do as a family. He bashfully decided to play a halfling. Not only did the little creatures share his love for food, but he thought it would be neat to try being small for once. His class was also a surprise. After carefully flipping through all of the class options, he had eventually settled on a cleric. "They're the healers, right? This way I can help the others if someone gets hurt." You gave him a huge hug then and there. Belphegore, on the other hand, was not so easy to work with. "Belphie, come on. Just flip through the book and choose something!" He groaned into his pillow and rolled onto his side to glare at you. "I told you I would play if you did all the work for me. Me flipping through a book is work. It's not happening." After an entire hour of trying to get him to cooperate, you gave up. In retaliation you made his character a goblin barbarian, just to drive in the fact of how much of a brat he was acting like.

Finally, the day came for you all to play the one-shot, and much like you expected, it was complete and utter chaos. You had tried to maintain some structure and keep everyone on track, but it was hopeless. Levi and Satan were taking the game seriously and, Diavolo bless them, were the only reason their party was making any progress. Mammon was trying to pick-pocket every non-player character that they met while Asmo distracted them by flirting. This worked great for them until Mammon got caught and would've died from the resulting injuries if it wasn't for Beel. Speaking of Beel, the poor fella was trying his best to do well in the game but kept getting confused by all the rules and different stats and modifiers. Belphegor spent most of his time, trying to explain it to his twin, but in the end, Beel accidentally ate his dice and Belphie passed out on his shoulder. And then there was Lucifer. He had been mostly quiet the entire game. Surprisingly, he let Levi and Satan take the charge in any investigations and puzzle-based interactions, but he did so with a smirk. You had a funny feeling in your stomach that he was up to something, and you were right. It was the final boss. Satan and Levi were on the edge of their seats, having worked so hard to get the party to this point. You smiled, knowing that one of the best parts of D&D was finally taking down the big bad. In this case, you had prepared a beholder for them to fight. It would be no easy task. The fight should have required them to work together in an epic battle of wits, magic and melee attacks. Only, when everyone rolled initiative, Lucifer went first. The eldest smiled as his eyes sparked menacingly. "For my bonus action, I'd like to use my hex blade's curse on it, which allows me to add my plus four proficiency bonus to all damage, and makes any rolls of nineteen or twenty critical hits. I will then use my long sword with divine smite at third level to attack him and attack him again using my extra attack," barely giving you time to process what he said, Lucifer rolled his dice twice. "And that would be a nineteen and a natural twenty, meaning they're both criticals due to the curse. That should hit, yes?" "Wha-" You could only watch as Lucifer, now with twice the amount of damage due to his critical rolls pulled out a disgusting number of dice and rolled them all. And of course, with his luck, they all rolled high. "So that's 90 points of damage plus the extra damage from the curse and the bonus from my duelist ability per attack, brings this 102 points," he smugly perched his chin on top of his hands as the table gaped at him. You gulped and looked down at the beholder's character sheet, "Y-You just took o-over half of his hit points in one round..." His grin widened at the information, "What, like it's hard?" You never got the chance to finish the game, as Satan burst into his demon form and pounced on Lucifer, the eldest laughing like a mad man, while Levi tore up his character sheet in a fit of jealous rage. Levi never asked to play with everyone again after that. ***This was just so self-indulgent and I just- I loved it. It combined two of my favourite things and I have never been happier. This was more crack than fluff, but either way, it was fun and I hope you nerds out there enjoyed it 🥰 Thanks again for the request @bagelsinatoaster!*** Taglist: @mimik248 @roseytoesy @ester-is-here

[robininthelabyrinth]

Prompt~ hoping you'll like it ♥️

Things between the Nie brothers are not always nice and happy, they fight, just like any other pair of brothers, and sometimes things are said, sometimes these things are heavy and painful. Sometimes they're said in the wrong moment (maybe at the eve of a battle? Sunshot campaign?) and huaisang doesn't know what to do with the broken look his brother gives him before leaving the unclean realm. Because what if he doesn't return? What if the last thing he said to him was how much he hated the man he became?

Labyrinth - ao3

“But I didn’t mean to wish him away!” Nie Huaisang cried out.

“That’s really too bad,” the goblin king said, looking pleasant and humble and charming the way he always did, even in his cape of glittering gold and high-browed hat. “I wish there was something I could do for you, but the rules are the rules. You wished him away, and I took him.”

“Aren’t you supposed to only take babies?” Nie Huaisang demanded.

“Your brother’s enough of a crybaby to count, it’s close enough.”

“It is not!” Nie Huaisang wrung his hands. “You don’t understand, the last thing I said to him was that I hated him! Meng Yao, please!”

“It’s Jin Guangyao,” the goblin king corrected. His smile looked a bit strained. “Listen, do you think I’m happy about this? He’s my sworn brother! I’m only doing what I have to –”

“Oh, save it for Lan Xichen,” Nie Huaisang growled. “Show me the labyrinth already.”

“You’re going to face the labyrinth,” the goblin king said. His voice was very polite, and yet still expressed significant doubt. “You.”

“Yeah, me!”

“You remember that it goes ‘through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered’, right? Not ‘through a nice teacher and a forgiving grading system’?”

“Yeah, well, your father is a fragging aardvark. Let me at the labyrinth already!”

-

“You know what,” Nie Huaisang said thoughtfully. “Thanks, but no thanks.”

The life-sized animated puppet blinked at him. “You – don’t want my help?”

“Nope. I’m good.”

“You haven’t even gotten into the labyrinth yet!”

“It wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t have a chance to get in,” Nie Huaisang said, patting around his sleeve and pulling out a fan. “So I’m just going to walk over and beat at the wall till something happens.”

The puppet followed him, staring blankly. Quite a change from his original apologetic ‘I’m sorry, I’m busy with my own things, I really can’t help you, also it’s too dangerous and you shouldn’t go’ response.

“You were blackmailing me to help you just a moment ago,” the puppet said after a little. “Don’t you need a guide?”

“Listen, I’m bad at memorizing things and I’m a little useless, but I’m not actually dumb,” Nie Huaisang said, fanning himself. “Jin Guangyao is a demon of the mind above all else, and the labyrinth is supposed to be ‘fair’ – which means, more than likely, that the labyrinth is a reflection of the subconscious, specially tailored to each person’s strengths and weaknesses. And that means that you, who sound exactly like Lan Xichen, are almost certainly a set-up sent by Jin Guangyao to ‘reluctantly’ aid me and then betray me.”

“Uh,” Lan Xichen-the-puppet said. “My name’s Hoggle, actually.”

“Whatever makes you feel better, er-ge…A-ha!” Nie Huaisang beamed at the gates that automatically opened. “Perfect!”

-

“Oh, don’t go that way,” the worm said. “Never go that way. And are you sure you don’t want to come in for a cup of tea?”

“No time,” Nie Huaisang said. “Thanks a lot – wait.”

The worm blinked at him.

“You’re a pretty attractive worm, in a slimy sort of way,” Nie Huaisang said, frowning at him.

The worm blinked again. “Why, thanks!”

“No, that’s not what I meant. Is your name Su She, by chance?”

“Definitely not!”

“Mm. Oddly vehement of you. Never mind. Just, quick, could you tell me exactly why do I not want to go that way?”

-

“I don’t suppose straight ahead is an option?”

The hands-faces stared at him.

“I’m just saying, I feel like most of my problems so far have come from the fact that I decided to accept the whole concept of turns. It seems like a mistake.”

“…it’s a labyrinth,” another set of the hands said. “You have to make turns!”

Nie Huaisang shook his head mournfully. “I should’ve brought Baxia or something and just – ZIP. Gone straight through. You know what I mean?”

“I’m dropping you in the oubliette regardless of your decision,” the first set of the hands said. It sounded a bit like Sect Leader Yao. “Just so you know.”

“My life is so hard,” Nie Huaisang sighed. “So hard! Do you know what it’s like to be overlooked by everyone? Do you know how hard I have to work at being this useless?”

“Drop him,” the set of hands that sounded like Sect Leader Ouyang said, and the set of hands that sounded like Sect Leader Yao said, “Yes. Now!”

Down Nie Huaisang went.

-

“I can take you back to the beginning of the labyrinth,” Lan Xichen offered.

“What, and waste all that time? I have a time limit, er-ge!”

“It’s better than being stuck in an oubliette. That’s where they put people to forget about them, you know.”

Nie Huaisang’s eyes filled with tears. “You want to forget me, er-ge? You think I’m useless, don’t you? A good-for-nothing, who’ll never amount to anything –”

“Please don’t cry.”

“ER-GE! WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME!”

“Please stop crying!”

-

“So what’s the point of you?” Nie Huaisang asked the Wise Man with the Talking Hat.

“Not everyone exists to contribute to your storyline,” the Talking Hat snapped at him. “Some of us’ve got our own problems. Now hand over the candy!”

“Don’t be mean,” the Wise Man said. He had a white cloth over his eyes, and was smiling like he found the hat funny.

“Awww, but daozhang…!”

“Different plotline entirely, I guess,” Nie Huaisang decided. “Probably just here as a foil. Shall we keep going, er-ge?”

“I can’t believe you scammed me to get out of the oubliette,” Lan Xichen mumbled. “I can’t believe…”

-

“Oh, leave him alone, he’s just sensitive!” Nie Huaisang snapped.

“Am not!” the upside-down creature snarled, curled up on itself and trying to hide from all those that had been hitting him. Its fur was a vivid sort of purple. “Go away!”

“Don’t you have some sort of special power to help you here,” Nie Huaisang asked him as he tried to get him down before the goblins came back with weapons. “Rocks, maybe?”

“…lightning?”

“Well then get to it, will you?” Nie Huaisang frowned. “Wait. Lightning, constantly being tormented, terrible at communication, and purple? You’re Jiang Cheng, aren’t you?”

“…maybe.”

“Well then get down faster! I need to copy someone’s notes here!”

-

“Leave me aloooooooone!” Nie Huaisang howled, running away from the measuring snake.

-

“Wow,” Lan Xichen said, holding his cheek. “You kissed me.”

“You saved me from the snakes,” Nie Huaisang said. “Can we focus on how we’re in this awful stinking bog?”

“It’s not that bad!” a voice piped up. “I don’t smell anything!”

Nie Huaisang turned to stare, then pinched the bridge of his nose. “Of course you don’t,” he said. “I bet the total absence of a sense of smell helps when you eat spicy food, Wei-xiong.”

“There’s nothing wrong with spicy food!”

“You’re short,” Nie Huaisang informed the small goblin-like creature with the big grin and the red ribbon in its hair. It looked vaguely fox-like, or possibly like certain large breeds of rabbit.

“Why you..!” Wei Wuxian crossed his furry little paws over his chest. “Just for that, I’m not going to help you.”

“Uh-huh,” Nie Huaisang said. “Really. That’s awful…oh no! A dog!”

Wei Wuxian jumped high into the air. “A dog?! Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan! Save me!”

Much to Nie Huaisang’s surprise, a furry dog immediately darted out of nowhere – only Wei Wuxian didn’t seem afraid of it, but rather hid behind it, teeth chattering.

Truly, Nie Huaisang reflected, the eyes of love are blind.

“I think the ‘dog’ is gone now,” he said. “Your brave and noble Lan Wangji must’ve scared him away.”

Wei Wuxian’s head popped out from behind dog-Wangji. “Well, Lan Zhan is really cool…hey. Are you trying to manipulate me?”

“Is it working?”

“No!”

“So you won’t help me?”

“No!”

“Not even if it means you get to figure out a really tricky puzzle?”

“No – wait. A puzzle?”

“I can’t believe this is going to work,” Lan Xichen muttered from behind Nie Huaisang. “I mean, I can. But also…Wangji…I love you, but you could do so much better than this.”

-

“Ugh,” Nie Huaisang said. “I’m so thirsty.”

“Have some Emperor’s Smile,” Lan Xichen said, offering a jar.

“Amazing,” Nie Huaisang said, accepting it and taking a swing. “I had my doubts, you know, but you’re actually good for something after all, er-ge –”

-

The golden bird was Nie Huaisang’s favorite.

He’d worked so hard to bring it back to his aviary – it couldn’t be forced, he knew; it would play along at first but in the end it would turn on you and bite you. It had to be coaxed with gentleness and kindness, approached indirectly so as not to spook it, convince it that you really did mean well – that you were harmless, that it had no reason to fear you. It was arrogant, too, proud of its shining feathers and ashamed of the brown plumage of its chick days, which still remained visible on its tender underbelly. Ironically, that was Nie Huaisang’s favorite part of it, the soft and gentle part; it might not be as pretty as the gold, but it felt more genuine.

Nie Huaisang smiled as he brushed the beautiful feathers, and the golden bird allowed him. He felt cherished, treasured. So what if he had to hide all the sharp parts of himself to get this close?

It was fine. He didn’t like to be sharp.

He wanted to be soft. Soft and gentle, careless and free, relaxed and without effort, good for nothing –

Wait.

No!

-

“It’s all junk,” Nie Huaisang hissed at the pile of burning fans, tears in his eyes. “I want my da-ge!”

-

“You’re all right!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed, helping pulled Nie Huaisang up.

“Huaisang-xiong,” Jiang Cheng said, looking relieved. “You’re back.”

“We have to go to the temple beyond the Goblin City,” Nie Huaisang said, teeth gritted together. “We have to. I won’t let that bastard…we’re going to go there and throw all his damned tricks right in his face!”

“Just us?” Wei Wuxian asked. “I mean, I’m awesome, Lan Zhan is fantastic, and of course Jiang Cheng is great, too, but…uh…there’s a lot of goblins in the city.”

“We’ll sneak in,” Nie Huaisang said. “He thinks he’s sidelined me entirely – he thinks I’m useless. He won’t be expecting me to get this far.”

“I can get help,” Jiang Cheng said. “I have friends.”

“…not to be rude, Jiang-xiong,” Nie Huaisang said. “But – really?”

-

“You know what,” Nie Huaisang said, eyeing the pile of rocks following Jiang Cheng around, each one painted with a name. One of the names was yellow. Two were in white, with forehead ribbons. “This is fine. I feel like it says something really rude about my empathy for and interest in our junior generation, or lack thereof, but you know what? I don’t care. It’s fine.”

-

“You saved me,” Nie Huaisang said blankly, looking at Lan Xichen, who shrugged, abashed. The remains of the mechanical temple guard were scattered all over. “Over – him?”

“Huaisang –”

“No,” Nie Huaisang said, holding up his hands. “Don’t. Don’t…I don’t want to hear you talk.”

Lan Xichen’s head dropped down and he looked at the ground. “You knew from the beginning what I was like,” he murmured. “I never tried to hide it –”

“I forgive you for being what you are,” Nie Huaisang told him, and Lan Xichen looked up at him, startled and pleased. “I forgive you for not having the backbone to stand up against Jin Guangyao for me – or for da-ge. For being willfully blind for so long, for needing someone else’s proof of his ill-intentions, for always picking him first, for never trusting me…I forgive you, even if you’d never forgive me for the same.”

He dashed away the angry tears in his eyes.

“I just wish this wasn’t a fucking metaphor.”

-

Nie Huaisang left the fighting to the people who knew what to do – Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji, Jiang Cheng, even the rock-juniors – and went to the temple at the center of the city alone.

Some things, he knew, needed to be done alone, even if it was the type of alone when you were surrounded by other people. Even when those other people stood by his side and made him promise that if he needed them, he would only need to call. Some things…

“I want my da-ge back,” he said to the maze of stairs.

“Then go and find him,” Jin Guangyao replied, looking smug, and Nie Huaisang had to go up and down all those fucking stairs, because Jin Guangyao was nothing if not predictable with his trauma, looking all over, looking for –

Looking for pieces.

“It’s just a metaphor,” he whispered to himself, ignoring how tears were streaming down his face. “It’s just – I need to put him back together, it’s fine. I’m not too late – I’m not too late –”

-

Jin Guangyao held Nie Mingjue’s head in his hands, blinded and gagged and bound with talismans, pulled out of whatever oubliette he'd shoved it into to forget about what he'd done. “Beware, Huaisang,” he said, still smiling. Always smiling. “I’ve been generous up until now, but I can be cruel.”

Nie Huaisang laughed, scoffing. “Generous? What have you done for me that’s generous?”

“Everything! Everything you’ve wanted, I’ve done – I cared for you, I gave you attention, I got you out of work, doing your schoolwork for you and coming up with excuses to get you out of saber training. I gave you presents, fans and pretty clothing, and when that brute of a brother of yours tried to take them from you, I rescued you. And then I even managed your sect for you, answered all of your questions, any time you had – Huaisang, I’m exhausted trying to live up to your expectations of me. Isn’t that generous?”

Nie Huaisang bared his teeth. “Half of those are burdens that only fell on me because of you. Why should it matter to me that cleaning up your own mess and satisfying your own guilt is hard? Why should I pay such a price when all I wanted was to be your friend? When all da-ge wanted was to be your friend? How dare you, Meng Yao!”

“Huaisang…” Jin Guangyao shook his head mournfully. “Huaisang, the last step here is to say the words to break the spell. But you were never good at memorization, were you?”

Nie Huaisang bit his lip until he drew blood.

“Through dangers untold, and hardships unnumbered,” he said. “I have fought my way here to the temple beyond the goblin city –”

“Huaisang, stop! Look at what you’re risking here. You know how everyone loves me – do you think anyone will forgive you for taking me down, for tricking them all? You’ll be all alone!”

I already am, Nie Huaisang thought.

“My will is as strong as yours,” he said. “And my kingdom is as great…”

His voice trailed off.

“I ask for so little,” Jin Guangyao said beseechingly, convincingly, looking just like he always did, like the man who'd been their friend. “Just let me fool you, and you can have anything you want. No responsibilities, no stress, a life of your own. You can even have Lan Xichen, if that’s what you want…”

What’s the last line, Nie Huaisang thought, hating himself for being such a poor student, for cramming things into his mind without any order, for never being able to retain a single drop of it no matter how hard he tried. What is it? Why can’t I ever remember?

“It’d be so easy,” Jin Guangyao crooned. “Much easier than this. Just fear me, love me, believe me, and I’ll be your slave.”

Sharp teeth in a false smile.

Nie Huaisang shook in terror. He couldn’t – his da-ge needed him – he couldn’t be afraid, couldn’t be a coward, couldn’t be good-for-nothing – couldn’t let Jin Guangyao win – couldn’t let him –

That was it.

Nie Huaisang raised his head until his eyes met his enemy’s.

Sensing something wrong, Jin Guangyao’s eternal smile dimmed, and he began to step forward, reaching out, but it was too late.

“You have no power over me,” Nie Huaisang declared, and the world within a world collapsed.

-

Nie Huaisang opened his eyes.

-

Nie Huaisang sat in his desk in the Unclean Realm, trying to amuse himself by trying to figure out what exactly he’d eaten the night before that had given him such bizarre dreams. It was not successful, on account of him being alone.

Alone, just as he had been every night, and every day as well, since the success of his scheme at the Guanyin Temple.

Just as the dream-Jin Guangyao had threatened.

It wasn’t that Nie Huaisang regretted what he had done – the dream was clear enough about that; he’d do it all again in a heartbeat if he had to. But in the dream he’d been working alongside his former friends, with Lan Xichen betraying but then returning to him, with Wei Wuxian dragging Lan Wangji around, with stone-faced Jiang Cheng and the rather interchangeable junior squad behind him…and in his dream, in the end, they’d let him go to take his revenge, telling him that if he needed them for any reason, he could just call.

Just call, and they’d come back to him. Instead of turning from him in disgust, they’d stand by his side…

“Stupid subconscious,” Nie Huaisang mumbled to himself. “What do you expect? That I'd write to them and say ‘for no real reason at all, I find that I rather need you’?”

Silence answered him.

“Well, I do,” he said with a sigh, putting his chin on his hands. “Does that make you happy? I do need you.”

“You do?” Wei Wuxian’s voice rang out, and Nie Huaisang jumped nearly out of his skin. “Well, why didn’t you say so?”

Nie Huaisang turned, staring: it was Wei Wuxian at the door, the human version of him, and of course there was Lan Wangji right before him, and Jiang Cheng, and the (still mostly interchangeable) juniors, and – and even Lan Xichen, who Nie Huaisang was sure had gone into seclusion with no intent to leave.

“What are you doing here?” Nie Huaisang squeaked. And why hadn’t any of his sect disciples warned him?

“We just bullied our way though the door before anyone could stop us,” Wei Wuxian said cheerfully, answering the unspoken question first. “As for the rest – it turns out that I had the strangest dream the other night, really, truly bizarre, and obviously I had to tell Lan Zhan all about it, except it turned out he had a strange dream too.”

Nie Huaisang’s jaw dropped. “But –”

“I felt da-ge’s qi woven into the labyrinth,” Lan Xichen said quietly. “I thought it’d have long ago dissipated or been locked away, but – it was there, in every stone, in every turn. Every obstacle that didn’t really hurt you, every goblin that was more silly than scary…he was there. It was unmistakable.”

Nie Huaisang swallowed. The story of the labyrinth, baby-stealing wish-granting goblin king and all, had been one that Nie Mingjue had told him as a bedtime story, when he'd been a child in need of comfort; he hadn’t thought of it in years before last night. “But…why…?”

“Because Chifeng-zun has a demented sense of humor?” Jiang Cheng suggested, looking irritated.

“Jiujiu means that he hasn’t had that much fun in years, and also that you should throw a party,” Jin Ling said. “You are hosting all three of the sect leaders of all the other Great Sects. Also, why were we rocks?”

“Uh, no idea,” Nie Huaisang said. “Da-ge’s weird sense of humor, no doubt! Anyway, did you say party? I can do a party!”

He rushed out of the room, calling for his servants, calling for them to bring food and wine and tea, and as he did, he looked out of the window – a golden bird was flying away, looking hunted as if something was chasing it, and even as he watched, it crossed the borders of the Unclean Realm and suddenly dissolved into a fizzle of golden dust.

Nie Huaisang put his hand on the stone wall, and felt a familiar echo.

A very familiar echo.

“Oh,” he said, to his servants, feeling somehow simultaneously sheepish and filled with joy. “And while you’re at it, can you bring me my saber? I seem to have – misplaced it…”

[keshetchai]

Disclaimer that the easiest and most effective thing to do is simply block and ignore them. Probably also the most healthy for you mentally.

And don't use this with unhinged people, use your best judgment here, and block when you need to as a first option, not last. Also this probably works better with people who are interested in appearing like they listen to "all sides" or are fair and unbiased, or who care about like hearing people out, or whatever. (Including conservatives who just want to decry how no one listens to them.) And also people who want to appear liberal.

this works because it's happening in public, and because people want to be heard out, and they also don't want to listen.

BUT,

If you don't want to block them immediately for whatever reason, and you aren't being threatened and for some reason you want to engage with this person, this is what I do:

First: I establish we disagree. I establish I am currently communicating with them — this means we could actually continue this discussion and what they want is to be listened to. That's fine. But I don't want to continue the discussion the way it is right now. This part is nebulous, you're just sort of...doing whatever to indicate you realize the conversation was going nowhere.

Got it? Okay.

Second: you pivot to The Offer. The way this gets set up will vary. Sometimes they asked you to read/watch/listen to something and then you can turn this request back on them. Sometimes you can transition from something they said. Sometimes you just don't use any lead in at all.

But the key part is this:

when was the last time you visited a Holocaust museum? Have you ever visited one?

(They've never answered anything recent. Never. If they did, they were usually children.)

Then you pitch it to them:

You're going to offer to help them find the nearest Holocaust museum to them, and you will reimburse their trip by covering ticket admission or parking costs. then after they've been, you can totally continue to discuss their claims or read/watch whatever thing etc.

Where do they live? A day's travel to you? Far away? If you both live a days travel from the nearest one, you tell them you'll join them and go together whenever you can schedule it. If you don't, you offer to reimburse them the cost of admission (if there was any ticket price) or parking contingent on proof of their museum admission ticket. I say that. I tell them I will pay for their ticket, or if there was no ticket, the cost of parking.

If you don't have money just offer to plan logistics. Find the easiest way to get there. Offer to help schedule them for a museum tour, even.

I don't know why this works literally every time I offer, but it does. And by work, I mean no one has ever actually taken up the offer. No one says "okay, if you pay me back for museum parking, I'll go spend a few hours at the Holocaust museum near me." No one says "okay, I'll meet you there and we can go together, if you promise to read this book I want you to read afterwards."

Most of the time they just stop talking. Or they ignore it and try to change the conversation again. Too bad. This is public and people see them side stepping. On Twitter it gets funny because they'll start ignoring you to argue with other jews, and then you can point this out to everyone.

It works great when this person is still trying to talk about witch hunts, or how other people won't do x or y thing they demanded, complain about an unwillingness to have "civil discourse" or whatever silly claim and insist they know XYZ, that they're soooo educated. but you already just had them admit they've never been to a Holocaust museum (and frankly that'd be fine if they ever read any genuine history or Holocaust scholarship, but they haven't done that either) and also they ignored your offer to help them visit one. You even said you'd pay for it! You'd find the nearest museum. You'd go with them personally if you can get to their closest museum.

It's like popping a bubble on them. They drop the conversation. They don't respond to the challenge. If they talk to other people, you can tell those other people about your offer to this person. Other Jews they try to argue with can see how you've signalled they're full of shit if they try to act like they're willing to learn or converse. Sometimes they'll block you, but most of them don't do that until after I've brought up my offer to several other people they were trying to engage or argue with, and they then sense they no longer look good to the audience.

I've never had a single person say yes, they'd do it. I promised up and down I would read whatever 500 page terrible hardback they wanted if they also agreed to do this, and I ALWAYS mean it. No one does it.

Not a one! Although the person who taught me this trick i think(?) has actually managed to get one person to go out of the many many times he's done this.

But it sure does make them stop every time! Also it keeps you from trying to continually argue and educate with no progress while only getting more upset! Stop doing that, it only stresses you out!! Go straight to The Offer!!

If you don't block these people straight off, don't argue with them and infuriate yourself but get nowhere. Just make The Offer. It kinda operates on the same principles of unbalancing people by leveraging peer approval and shame to get them to not make shitty racist jokes or say a slur. Or when you vocally deny whatever it is they want (talked about here a bit.) Like it's not identical, but it does do the thing of not arguing and debunking point by point, but instead redirecting and giving the conversation boundaries publicly.

(And then you block them if you think you'll try arguing again. Don't do that).

Have I already talked about my magic trick to get annoying people on the Internet to shut up when incorrectly invoking/misusing the Holocaust or soft denying it? Like when they are trying to argue something stupid wrong or just toss it around like it's only a rhetorical talking point?

[wenellyb]

I'm the anon who talked about his apology. "I think that you don’t realize how White people (including you) look down on Black people" This is totally wrong and its really hurtful. I feel like you're saying if I don't condemn Sebastian I am a racist. But you don't know anything about me other than I am his fan. I have never looked down on black people or any race. I meant it with my question about how. I genuinely try to be a good person & if I mess up, I try to fix it. (1 of 2)

Hi Anon, thanks for claryfing and I do have a lot of things to say. First of all,do you really think you would realize it if you were looking down on Black People or are you just saying this? Because in my personal experience, White and non-Black people really get oblivious to this kind of thing. I'm not attacking you, I'm sincerely asking.

I never said he didn't apologize but his apology didn't even acknowledge what he did wrong like I was mentioning in my previous answer, but we already covered that,

I don't think it's a matter of not being easy to offend anyone but rather people not willing to just take it anymore, being more vocal about it when offensive words are had, and setting clear boundaries. Whereas before (and still today sometimes), racism, homophobia and casual racism was normalized.

Now let's get to another portion of your ask. You did send me this, so i will answer: "I feel like you're saying if I don't condemn Sebastian I am a racist" No. And if I ever said that and if i did tell me where.

But if you don't condemn Sebastian's racist actions, I'm going to assume your racist. ==> Yes. This is exactly what I'm saying, and a lot of Sebastian Stan fans are racist. And I'm not saying this just because. I'm saying this from experience, because it's a fandom i have been in. I'm sure a lot of fandoms on here are like this but I can only talk about the Seb/Bucky one, because I've experienced it. That is the reason why I have a very bad view of the Sebastian Stan fandom, because they try to deny, cover up, minimize what happened instead of listening. I'm sorry it's a hard pill to swallow, but we won't go anywhere if you keep putting you head in the sand.

Now, I'm not telling you to hate on Sebastian Stan, and I'm not hating on him myself but you should listen when explained that the apology doesn't cut it. He didn't say the words, he didn't talk about Kaepernick and he hid behind the word "ignorance" which is usually the euphemism for racism. This isn't even about Sebastian Stan anymore, because the Sebastian thing could be solved really quickly: Yes, that knee post was racist, yes he should have made a full apology stating what was wrong with it, and yes if it ever happens in the future again, we'll listen to non-White people and demand accountabilty and a proper apology. That's it. Is it too much to ask from the stans? Apparently yes, because when it happened most of the stans' reaction were "uwu stop calling my baby boy racist", and I'm barely exaggerating.,

I'm not even telling people to stop liking or supporting Seb, I'm talking about my experience in the fandom.

I do not assume all White people are racist, I did not assume Seb was racist before that post, but if someone does something racist, it's fair for me to assume he is indeed racist, right? Why should I assume otherwise and give him the benefit of the doubt over nothing? You follow me until here?

"I feel like some people don't realize not all White people are racist"==> And I don't think you realize how much racism non-White people face on a regular basis, from strangers, from employers, from colleagues, from friends. And I have to repeat it so you understand... from friends. Because most of the time White people don't even realize it, they're not aware of their own bias, or racist beliefs.

There are several layers to racism, and not every racist is someone who attends White Supremacist events or whatever. Sometimes White people will think they're not racist but still see themselves superior to non-White or Black people, whether they realize it or not. They think they're not racist, but be more mistrustful of a Black person who seats next to them in a bus. They think they're not racist but have never hired a non-White person in their life. They think they're not racist, but the moment they see more than 2 Black characters, they'll complain about "wkoe sh*t". They'll think they're not racist but feel OK touched a Black woman's hair without asking first because it looks and I quote "too cute". They think they're not racist but say stuff like "I don't have a problem with Black people but I do with Arab people", They'll think they're not racist and then make racist jokes, and when told it's not ok, they act like you being too sensitive. They'll act like they're not racist but firmly believe that White people are the blueprint and inherently more good looking than Black people. They think they're not racist, but will let that racist comment from their parents/grand parents slide, or worse, they won't even care. The list goes on and on, and it could fill books.

I have this little anecdote I already talked about because it's really eye opening even though it was really shocking and traumatic for me:

So I was having a debate with my group of friends, a lot of them are White, and I told them most White people were racist but don't like to admit it. (I'll give fake names), One of my White friends didn't agree but a few days later he apologized to me because he had talked to other friends who told him more or less the same and he said he shouldn't have been talking about something he didn't understand.

One of my other friend, let's call him Paul, a White man, actually thought about it, and about there being multiple layers to racism not just full White Supremacists you see on TV. He really thought about it and admitted that in some ways he was indeed racist or had said racist stuff in the past, but he acknowledged it (to my surprise, I really wasn't expecting that).

Then there was my other friend, Lucinda (still a fake name) who's Paul girlfriend, who got extremely mad and said that not all White people were racist, and went on a rant, even though during my debate, I had said that she was the only White person I knew (expect from my uncle) who wasn't racist, because I had never gotten any racist comments from her, or heard her make any statement that somehow made me uncomfortable. But I had called out my Male friends.

So some time passes by and on Sunday, I receive a test from Paul, Lucinda's boyfriend who writes me "We're at a family dinner with Lucinda and someone asked her to about a Black woman she knows and Lucinda said "she's pretty for a Black girl".

Imagine my shock and disappointment. So yeah, this is just one example because it's the one that illustrates most the hypocrisy of some people. But i couldn't even count how many interactions like these I've had with people who wouldn't consider themselves racist if you asked them.

I don't hesitate to call out racism when it comes from my own friends, so why would I second guess calling out a man I have never met?

Think about my little example with my friends? Who do you think I'll stay friends with here? Who do you think I respect more? The White woman who's all "everything is fine, not all White people are racist" but when she's surrounded by White people says "she's pretty for a Black girl" or my friend who has said racist stuff but openly acknowledges it and is actually trying to do better, even calling out his own girlfriend if needed.

This is who you remind me of,btw, the friend who like to say that not all White people are racist, but is oblivious to her own bias and racist behavior. I'm not saying you're racist or you have done something racist because you're right I don't know you. But the way you are talking and trying to minimize some of his actions by turning it into how "it's hard nowadays not to offend people" instead of that post was f*cked up* makes me think that there's some self-reflection to do on your side.

How would you do better if you don't even acknowledge what you did wrong in the first place. You say Sebastian Stan is trying to do better, but you let other White stans let him off the hook at the first tiny apology. It's not even against Sebastian Stan at this point, but at his stans who have demonstrated nothing but harmful behavior when it came to this topic.

Based on my history and past interactions, White people who try to act like racism isn't a problem or minimize things always end up being the ones who do the most harm. If you really want to do better, start by saying the words " what I said was racist, sorry" " what I said was homophobic" and demand the same for your faves, don't try to bring "ignorance" into it. You cannot "move past" from racism if you ignore it whenever someone does something racist.

Don't try to act like people are overreacting and also, you doing better should have nothing to do with your apology being accepted or not.

I have explained why Sebastian's post was messed up and why the apology wasn't enough, I don't know what more to say, but I do believe you should do some self reflection because conversation about racism are never easy, they're often uncomfortable, and how even start to admit to yourself that you might have some bias? And believe it or not, it's uncomfortable for me too, and scary, and something I don't want to be doing. Do you think it's easy telling your own friend their behavior is racist? No, it's awkward, uncomfortable, but it's necessary.

It's necessary.

And to be fair, it can happen that you do an racist action without being actively racist, that you make a mistake, and yes sometimes ignorance is one of the explanation. But you cannot expect non-White people to just take it or act like they're unreasonable to ask for proper excuses and not half-*ssed ones.

I'm not calling for Sebastian to be cancelled or anything, never did, I'm saying his fans reactions has been very telling given his past actions and failure to properly apologize, and asking up to stop tying to cover it up when something like this happens.

This is very important but it's not enough to think you're not racist, you have to actually not be racist. And part of it is acknowledging when you do it, or someone you know does it, so you can recognize it and never do it again or never let it happen again.

[katyleen]

This is my first time posting something. Warning though I'm not good at writing and the characters are probably OOC. Enjoy the story :D

[FNF] Lucian x reader

Found this art in instagram: franbobisdrawing

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Y/n's POV

I was chatting with Girl, Carol, and Annie when suddenly we heard a commotion and a...rap battle?

"Hey, let's check it out." I said.

"Sure. I'm also curious what's happening there." Girl said while standing up. Soon we all stood up and went to the crowd. We managed to squish ourselves to the front and I saw a boy with blue hair battling someone who's carrying a baseball bat.

'They're pretty good. I wonder what're their names?' I thought to myself as I continue to watch the battle. Eventually the battle ends and the blue haired boy is the winner. We all cheered loudly, kinda startling both of them.

"Woahh!! That was amazing!" Girl exclaimed, and I caught her staring at the blue haired boy.

'I am so teasing her later.' I silently giggled to myself as I clapped my hand.

"That was a really good battle." I said. I then looked at the boy with a baseball bat only to see him also looking at me. We both then look away quickly.

'Holy crap he's gonna think I'm staring at him like a creep.'

"Hah! Is that all you got, Lucian?" The blue haired boy asked, snapping me out of my thought.

"What happened to the smirk on your face? Guess I wiped it right off, huh? Just goes to show that bring 'edgy' doesn't mean you're good at anything." He finished. I frowned hearing those words. 'Lucian' looked away when he said that.

"HEY! You can't just say that to him. That's rude!" I glared at him.

"Hey Y/n calm down-" Girl said but I continued anyways.

"If you think you can just insult anyone like that, then you're gravely mistaken. Can I borrow that mic please?" I asked Lucian as he hesitated but gave me the mic anyways.

"Let's have another rap battle. Right here. Right now." I demanded. He seemed nervous but tried to look brave anyways.

"I-I'm not scared of you." He stuttered a little.

"Well you should be."

We then start the battle with me using a lot of tricky notes and keeps on getting faster. He can't keep up and eventually loose the battle.

"This is what you get for making fun of people." I told him. I then went up to where Lucian is and handed him his mic back.

"Thank you for letting me borrow your mic." I said.

"N-no problem." He replied.

"Y/n that was so awesome! I didn't know you can rap?" Carol asked, walking up to me.

"I've been practicing actually. Anyways break time is almost over. Let's go to our class." I said and we walk away from the crowd, not noticing someone is staring at me.

Lucian's POV

I didn't expect to loose to some random guy I didn't even know, not to mention being completely made fun off. I could tell Abby was about to say something until someone spoke up.

"HEY! You can't just say that to him. That's rude!"

It was the same girl as the one I accidentally made eye contact with.

"If you think you can just insult anyone like that, then you're gravely mistaken. Can I borrow that mic please?" She asked me. I hesitate whether I should give her the mic or not but complied in the end.

She declared another rap battle in front of everyone. When she started rapping I couldn't believe how good she was. The guy obviously lost and she returned the mic to me.

"Thank you for letting me borrow your mic." She said.

"N-no problem." Damn why did I stutter?!

She and her friends then left the crowd and I couldn't help but stare at her until I couldn't see her.

"Dude you're staring." Abby nudged me playfully.

"Wh-I did not." I said, crossing my arms.

"Let's get back to class. Break time is almost over." I said, trying to end the converstation.

"Whatever you say simp." Abby snickered.

"Shut up. You almost went ballistic on that guy too if it wasn't for that girl."

"Yeah I don't like him at all." She grumbled in anger.

"Wait-what was her name again?" Abby asked.

.......well I didn't get to know her name.

"I think her name is Y/n. She's in class (wherever Girl's class is)." Tac said.

"We better thank her after school then. Better yet, let's asked her to hang out with us sometimes. I know someone will like that idea." Abby said, looking at me.

"Shut up already." I said clearly embarrassed, but feeling a little happy cause I can see her again.

Few hours later...

"This is her class right?" I asked, making sure we're not in the wrong class.

"Yep. This is it." Tac answered.

"I see her. C'mon let's go." Abby said, signalling us to follow her. We then saw Y/n packing her stuff in her bag but didn't see her friends. Probably already went home first.

"Excuse me..." She looked up confused.

"Can I help you? Oh wait-you guys are from earlier!" She gasped in realization.

"Yep. I'm Abby. This is Tac and he's Lucian. We just want to say thank you for earlier today and want to know if you'd like to hang out with us sometimes."

"Oh it's no problem at all. I just can't stand people like that. And sure, I'd like to hang out with you guys" She said, smilling.

'I swear her smile is so adorable not gonna lie.'

"Cool. Feel free to sit with us tomorrow at lunch. Are you going home after this?" Abby asked.

"Yep. My friends already went ahead first. Why did you ask?" She asked, tilting her head a little.

"Then do you want Lucian to walk you home? Y'know...just to make sure you're ok." Abby explained, giving me a smirk.

'Abby I swear I'm gonna-'

"Oh uh...sure if he doesn't mind." She said nervously.

"I don't mind." I said, trying to keep cool when on the inside I'm screaming.

"Ok it's settled. See you guys tomorrow." Abby and Tac waved goodbye and ran off outside. It was silent for a moment.

"...are you ready to go now?" I asked.

"Huh? Oh yeah I'm ready. Let's go!" She said.

We walked in akward silence for a while but little by little we totally warmed up to each other. Turns out we have lots in common. Too bad it only lasted for a while though cause we're already at her house.

"...y'know...I'm really glad I met you today." She started.

"Welp...thank you for walking me home Lucian." She said. She then kissed my cheek and hurriedly went to her door.

"S-see you tomorrow Lucian." She waved at me and closed the door. I was still frozen, processing what just happened.

'She kissed my cheek....and her blushing face is cute...' I thought to myself as I put a hand on the cheek that she kissed. I'm definitely having a crush on her. It's like love at first sight.

'Can't wait to see her tomorrow.' I smiled at that thought.

---------------------------------------------------

I'm not satisfied with the story and the ending but at least it's something :)

[kerryweaverlesbian]

My general fix would be to either drop the dreamy filter entirely as soon as Dom returns, or have it drop from around Sam's flashbacks after he leaves her (like, recolour that goofy one where she's in a garden for a picnic with the saturation up so high it looks like the grass is glowing* to normal, miserable supernatural colours, zoom out to show how crappy their yard actually is and have cars going past, show them both getting way past drunk together - make her a functional alcoholic!). Show how unreal their relationship actually was.

*

I think a big part of their relationship being so strange is that Sam actually never truly confides in her, and as you say, never talks about her again. From what I remember, Sam doesn't properly talk about Dean with her (even saying the impala was his dad's) and he certainly never brings up the supernatural (a habit for him with his long term girlfriends). In a competent tv show (LOL) Sam would have learned from this - opened up to Dean about her and why he cares about her (which would he nice to know...sometimes you can tell as well as show...) which might prompt Dean to open up about Benny OR he doesn't and then Sam's betrayal over Dean using Amelia to keep him away from Benny has higher emotional stakes.

I do actually like that she came back and Sam didn't (<- enjoyer of misery), since the theme of the beginning of the season is Sam absolving himself of responsibility (not looking for kevin. Not looking for dean. Hit a dog and tries to leave it at the vets - it IS silly for Amelia to force the dog on him, but I think her interior, irrational motivation was "I feel so fucking abandoned by my dead husband, even when he was alive, this dog is symbolic of me, I am going to make SOMEONE look after him even if they're not in the position to do so". I expect the vet nurse after that was like 🤨.) So him doing this to even Amelia makes sense.

But aside from making their relationship more plot important, I think making her world juuust a little bigger would help too. It can be around the edges of the flashbacks we already have.

Have her interact with and dismiss a friend, and the friend expresses concern that she's not answering calls and isn't being herself and she invited a random guy to come live with her. And she shuts the door, and gives Sam a weak smile, and Sam offers her a glass of wine. They should encourage bad habits in each other!

And, sure, they had her dad say something similar, but this is the "kill your dad" show, so him being overprotective reads as just fulfilling a trope rather than "genuinely, something is wrong".

Have a scene of her all smiley saying she quit her job at the vets to focus on herself, with a termination notice prominently open under her hand, which Sam clearly notices and doesn't comment on. On the nose, but maybe an empty prescription for depression medication. Have Sam wake up from a nightmare and she's already up getting them both a glass of water because she never got to sleep. Have Sam watch her through the window and she's listlessly staring at the wall in grey colours until he comes in and the dreamy filter clicks on and she's reading and smiling softly.

I like that Amelia has a pretty flat affect. I like that she's not perky and makes Sam put a lot of work into befriending her. I like an angry, demanding woman 🤷‍♂️I also think it actually works really well that they don't quiiite perfectly fit together chemistry-wise, because the story as I read it is that they're clinging to the idea of each other and the idea of a relationship. I do think they have chemistry, they're just also awkward because they haven't had to be People for a while, rather than a pile of hard feelings.

I feel like I could take Sam's s8 domestic life more seriously if Sam and Amelia had any sort of chemistry together but instead every scene with them is so cringey and hard to watch. Which is weird!!! Considering how well Sam's dynamic with all his other love interests have been (Jess, Sarah, Madison, Ruby, Eileen, and Rowena). They're all incredibly different and interesting people and Amelia was like wet cardboard in comparison

[capri-ramblings]

Okay so, I'm sure it's been kinda obvious I've been down with writer's block due to the lack of actual content on my blog recently, but somehow while scrolling through Tumblr I came upon @tsuisute 's art of Lilia wearing a rather risque bat lingerie and somehow something in my self-doubting brain clicked and I came up with this short fic. It starts off pretty angsty and I'm not sure when part two is going to come out but basically it's Lilia coping with his young s/o going through a really low point in their lives but yeah, I'm sorry if this turned out kinda flat cause my writing gears are still pretty rustic but I couldn't get it out of my head until I started writing it down. So, hopefully it's good enough! 💖💖

Safe and Sound

Summary: A slight rise in detachment and tension has been visible in you lately and being the ever observant Fae he is,Lilia has a hunch it has to do with your work as a medical mage working in devastating war fractions. He tries to reach out to you, but you keep your distance. At the end of it all, will this cause a bigger gap in your relationship or will it bring the two of you closer?

Part One: To push away one's heart.

The door to the age old manor, closed heavily behind you. The after echo of your footsteps shuffling inside softly whispering into the ancestral walls.

It was odd to have come home to such a quiet place after staying a whole day at a warring border. You felt out of place,detached even. As if this house you grew up in felt horribly unfamiliar. Sometimes it scared you, and sometimes it made you sad. Either way, you tended to avoid anyone in the household from interacting with you after your working hours.

Well,you tried your best to avoid everyone at least. Lilia would always be an exception, and not because you didn't have the heart to ignore him but instead you couldn't ignore him. He'd flock right over to you the moment he'd know you were home and then anything you said to make him leave failed.

He'd always had a mind of his own after all. Things people said went through his head but it didn't necessarily mean he'd take them into consideration. It all came down to the fact that Lilia was always the one with wisdom and truth, he's lived long enough to write books on it, so maybe in a way him interrupting your Isolation was a good omen in disguise, but still, it had you gritting your teeth each time he came up to pull you in an embrace or pat your head.

Today seemed to be no different, as you made your way to the staircase and saw Lilia waiting at the top of it with his usual beaming grin.

You didn't want to meet his gaze then. Something inside of you churned and boiled at seeing someone be so comfortable and gleeful.

"Welcome back,little lantern!" Lilia greeted,his deep red eyes sharing the smile he wore on his lips.

You felt your brows furrowed, but answered him with a slight nod. "Where's Silver and Malleus?", you asked as your bristled pass him at the top stairs and headed for the hallways that lead to the rows of bedrooms. Lilia followed behind you.

"They've gone off, somewhere,well, Malleus went off somewhere then Silver went to go look for him"

"Sebek?", You glanced over your shoulder. Lilia lent a smile your way.

"Training, as always. He wanted to tag along with Silver, but he has a competition later this month, Silver told him to stay and practice"

You let out a small hum, your pace absent as you walked right pass your bedroom door and Lilia had to tell you you had missed it. And as he went to push open your door, your limbs felt forlorn and worn out. There was such a strong urge to simply just fall flat onto your bedroom floor and pass out, but Lilia kept his careful gaze on you and ushered you inside the room, with your bag already in his grip.

Years living with him, and you still couldn't fathom how he did certain things without being noticed.

"A whole day and you've already forgotten where you sleep. Tsk,tsk,tsk...my little lantern has lost their touch of home"

With your back to him as you took off your jacket, Lilia came and wrapped his arms around your waist,the sudden warmth of his body pressing up against you causing you to go stiff.

"Lilia–"

"You should stay home for the week". He murmured,soft and low it sounded almost as if he was pleading.

You placed your hands over his on your waist.

"I can't. They're already short handed over at the border, and even if I am just a medic, it'd be too chaotic to just leave them like that"

"You need your rest, lantern"

"Then leave me alone."

The words left you bitter and taut. A string of unsaid wounds lingering at the back of each enunciation you gritted your teeth on. Your hands clenched over his and the way your chest heaved gave the impression that you could hardly take in another breath.

Lilia released you, and you walked over to your desk and sat down. Your head hurt, and your heart didn't seem to know why it was aching.

"I just need to be alone is all. I don't need you to dote over me,Lilia,I just..."

What did you want? Peace maybe. After seeing all that bloodshed in a single land while its people dropped dead like flies, two years working as a medical mage felt like an eternity of attempting to save people who had half of their bodies blown off as they cried and begged and sputtered out blood.

You wished you'd gone blind, but then again the screaming would have haunted you all the same.

Warring fractions were just a few in the Fae Kingdom, mostly because the lands and people involved in it would've died out before help could even reach them, but still, those that remained became cursed and bloody. A sight you wished you could burn out from your very thoughts.

You never had talent like Silver or Sebek, let alone Malleus himself, but Lilia said you always had a knack for healing, always being the caretaker even amongst your peers. Thus, you dedicated yourself to the one thing you were good at and became an active medical mage. From in-house check ups to risking your neck at war borders, you did what you could and suffered from what you couldn't.

You wanted to save everyone on the field, dying or not,but too many times you saw that hope of yours crushed right before your eyes, and it took its toll on you. At night, you hear the warning sirens and in the morning when you wake up, you dreaded to see the smiling faces of your companions, because you've started to wonder if by horrible fate itself, they laid dying in front of you, could you actually help them?

Vehemently, you pushed back the cry burning in your throat and shut your eyes tight.

'Forget it' . You told yourself. 'You don't have to remember. Just forget.'

It hurt for Lilia to watch you then. Something other than paternal grief overwhelming him. He'd known you've been dragging your own spirit down for a while now, but you were so adamant on avoiding the topic, he hesitated on confronting you about it. After all, it was your pain, your own sorrows, who was he to demand you to show him the scars and wounds you hid away?

He wanted to help you, to do anything he could to soothe your ache. But he couldn't do a single thing if you wouldn't let him.

"I'll leave you be then" Lilia said,soft and endearing, almost as if he was cooing to a child. "Rest well,my little lantern"

[artsyxloner]

Not Just a Monster

Warning: violence, blood, talks about self harm

12: Little kind gestures Pt2

I felt my heart flutter right through my chest. I had just held his hand, not thinking it through. It was warm and soft, sure I've held other guys hands but there's was nothing like Hyun-Su's

I wonder what he was thinking? He probably thinks I'm wired, Turing my head to see if he was still there I breathed out in relief when he wasn't.

A smile must have crept onto my lips because I felt my cheeks heat up. I don't know why I was smiling or why my heart was beating a mile per minute?

It shouldn't be because I'm in on shape or form to be thinking about someone like that especially when we're both infected we have our problems to deal with.

Sitting down on the chair that was in front of the door I didn't know why I had to guard others let Hyun-Su or the others out if Eun-Hyuk needed them.

It was most likely Hyun-Su though, waiting around a couple of people came up to the cell holding a piece of paper in their hand it was Jay-Hwan.

Standing up I crossed my arms, " what are you here for?" I questioned, he Extended out his hand and I immediately snatched it from his hands.

Flipping it open I read it was a list of objects he wanted Hyun-Su to get. I rolled my eyes he had just got back not even a few minutes ago and now they're wanting him to go back?

Bullshit!

" really? He just back, now you're wanting him to go up there again?" I shoved the piece of paper back into his hands. The guy scoffed, " so, it's the only thing he's good for."

He shoved past me calling for Hyun-Su, if I could only punch the guy in his face multiple times to get some sense into him I would be content.

" I could do it."

I hurried and spoke before he got here. Jay-Hwan turned and looked at me Raising his brow. " you?" I nodded, " I made it back last time with the guy in the wheelchair and a couple of others."

" That was you?" I couldn't stop myself so I flicked his head, for his dumb question, he made an 'Ow' sound rubbing it. " who else Casper?" I proclaimed.

I a couple of people chuckled, Just give me the paper and I'll be off. He was about to give it to me when Hyun-Su's voice stopped us. " another request?"

" more like a demand," I uttered under my breath. But that was meant to be heard. Jae-Hwan gave me a sharp glare, there turned to Hyun-Su.

" just a couple of things, I need." He slid the paper through the small bars on the door. He grabbed it looking it over, " I already said I would do it!" I barked, he shrugged.

" let me get my things." Jae-hwan smirked, " trying to protect your boyfriend huh?" He whispered when Hyun-Su left. Was he trying to poi's me off? " he's not my boyfriend!" retorted back.

We began to bicker until Hyun-Su got back. " Make sure you get everything!" Jay-Hwan said in a threatened, manner. And his group of friends left.

How do people like that Survive In a world like this? I shook my head unlocking the door letting Hyun-Su out. Walking out he stopped gripping his spear, " I wouldn't worry about him, people like that don't Survive long anyway."

I sighed, shaking my head, " what about me?" I frowned looking up at him, thinking it over truly no one Survives in a world like this even the good. " well you know what I mean? At least you're not a jerk." I pointed out.

In the corner of my eye, I saw a small Tug on his lips. I didn't say anything because he knew he would deny it. " well you should get going don't want to keep them waiting."

Hyun-Su nodded. About to leave but I grabbed his jacket sleeve, " be careful okay, promise." I grabbed his hand linking our pinky's then pressing our thumbs together.

" there know you just promised me." I smiled, but he was staring at me again deciding to ignore the awkward situation I let go. " go," I pushy-him to get a move on. Shewing him away with my hands.

As he did he kept looking back in the got to the end of the hall Disappearing. After he was gone I leaned back on one of the door letting out a deep breath. What did I just do?

I keep thinking and say I shouldn't like him and I shouldn't get close but it's like I can't help myself and I ignore my warnings. Why was this so frustrating and Complicated.

Sitting down again, I closed the door locking it, sitting down again. I looked at my clothes noticing how bad condition they were in. All bloodied and ripped up I needed something new to wear.

Getting up, there's no since in guarding unless Hyun-Su was in there in case someone wanted to request something. And Suk-Hyun wouldn't come out he's been quiet for a while but I wasn't complaining.

Getting up I taking the keys I walked over to the office, and gave Eun-Hyuk the keys before walking out he began to talk. " make sure someone else is guarding we don't won't no brake outs." He said looking through some types books.

" of course," was the only thing I said then walked out, searching for someone to guard the door, I soon found the man I met upstairs. " Gil-Seob do you mind guarding right now."

He was up on a latter with I'm not Binoculars searching for something. He lowered them taking a quick nod. " sure kid, I probably need to rest my eyes anyway." He climbed downs.

I bowed saying thank you and we took are separate ways. Walking over to the day-care-Center I checked if anyone's was in the room. Finding no one, I closed the door going over to the couch I dragged out my duffel bag I stuffed under there.

Unzipping the bag I pulled out a shirt and a dark blue shirt with skate boarding skeletons on it. I then slid on my brown Demi jacket. 

Feeling better in new clothes I found in a basket of clothes, I zipped it back up and pushed back under the couch. I wonder if Hyun-Su was doing right now?

I hope he wasn't fighting a monster, biting the inside of my lip I prayed he was okay. Going out I saw the group was in the entrance backing away from something, getting a closer look I saw it was coming from another hallway that led to one of Quarantine room doors.

It slowly came into view, it was all hairy with long hair. It reminded me of a Sloth from how slow it moved towards us. Hearing gasps people Readied there weapons I heart sunk wondering if it was Hyun-Su but it couldn't be since there was no way he was back yet.

Then I realized who it was it was Suk-Hyun he had finally turned in someway I felt bad for him even though he was a complete ass no one really Deserves this.

The Mysterious looking guy came in front of him as if he was going to kill the monster but the store owner wife came into view. " that's my husband, stay back." She moved towards him with a bat in her hands.

I knew what she was about to do, the group kept telling her not to get close but she just Ignored them. " pull yourself together Suk-Hyun!"

She ordered them a hand shot out from his mop of hair. She the said it a second time a hit him upside the head with the metal bar screaming.

" you decided to come back. Any last words?" I couldn't watch, even though I didn't like the guy it was still heartbreaking. She then started to hit then guy in the head.

Hearing the kids cry out watching this scene unfold I grabbed them covering there eyes. As I shut mine, cringing at the cracking and mushing sounds.

I took the kids away because they didn't need to witness this. I didn't either knowing I will turn and they will do this to me I couldn't take it. The thought of them killing me made me want to cry.

Going near the Quarantine room I saw the door had been busted open. I stuck the kids in there because the day-care-Center was on the other side were it was happing.

Blood and hair was all over the place I wanted to puke. I sat the kids on Hyun-Su's mattress. " are they going to do that to Hyun-Su?" Yeong-Su blurted out, I could tell he was concerned.

Knowing I can't lie because they would, I nodded. Going over to the kids, I sat down with each of them on my side. " why? Hyun-Su's my friend." The little boy did a pouty face. I wanted to smile but I couldn't, " because They think all monsters are bad but let me tell you guys something?"

I brought the closer hugging the kids. " not all monsters do monstrous things. Sometimes they even defeat the bad guys that can be humans." I tried to explain not all of us where terrible.

The kids nodded trying to understand, where I was coming from. " Hyun-Su won't hurt us right?" Su-Yeong asked leanings in my side.

" No, I don't see that happening just remember what I just told you okay." I patted her back. " we are going to wait here until it's all over with okay?"

The kids then agreed, as we waited they soon left the room with Mrs. Cha that came to get them I stayed in here so after I started to hear footsteps coming this way.

I soon realized it was Hyun-Su he was back, I closed my eyes breathing out he was okay I began to get worried. He came into the room I then noticed some blood on his face. He seemed Surprised seeing me in here.

" I didn't want to watch." I brought my knees up to my chest, Hyun-Su just stared down thinking of something, was it because of what happened with Suk-Hyun?

Padding a seat on the softish mattress, I got his attention and waved for him to sit down. " come." He did as told and took a seat. " Are you okay?" I knew he wasn't if he saw what happened to Suk-Hyun.

" yeah, I'm fine what about you?" He turned his head staring at me. Was I okay? Probably not but I lied knowing that's the best answer to give right now.

That was everyone's answer because they don't what to say no I'm actually crumbling inside and I just want help.

So for know it Yeah or yes. I leaned my hand back staring at nothing until I got a glimpse of something on Hyun-Su's arm. I wanted to ask.

" what happened?" I pointed at the scar that was peaking out from his jacket sleeve. " I did it." He shortly replied, I Raised an eyebrow. " no I am why how did it to you?" I shot back knowing someone else was in on this.

I then grabbed his arm pulling up his sleeve seeing a long scar that looked like it had two line across it. My eyes winded a little. Why would he do this do himself who made him do it?

" does it hurt?" He had to think on it the mumbled no, shaking my head I took out the band-Aid he had going on the shelf behind him and took a couple. Unwrapping them I stuck them on here feeling his scar graze over my thumb.

" there, every time it hurts put a band-aid on it." Mentioned, pulling his sleeve back down. Then getting up going to leave but then stopped.

" be sure to get some rest you never know when there going to ask you to do something again." I informed, letting him know he needs his rest.

[raschuuuu]

Let’s try. // J.HS imagine (J-Hope) angst/fluff

Summary: You were put into an arranged marriage with Jung Hoseok yet he has no feelings for you and neither do you. How will you deal with each other when you both know well that you cannot divorce or develop feelings for each other.

Word count: 4100

Genre: angst/fluff

warnings: swearing / mentioning of Namjoon and his wife / no idol J-Hope / businessman J-Hope

Pairing: J-Hope!businessman x Female!reader

A/N: Hello!!!! this was requested and first off all I want to say: thank you so much I’m really happy and shoutout to the creative person who requested this. I hope you’ll like and enjoy it <3 keep in mind that English is not my first language so if you spot any mistakes I would love you guys to tell me. If you like it please leave a like and if you have any preferences or wishes please let me knoooow! Have fun everyone and keep in mind REQUESTS ARE OPEN!! hihi bye.

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"You look beautiful! Wow I'm fascinated!" wow thank you. Does that mean I looked like shit every day? Why does everyone keep telling me that? If today wasn't my wedding no one would tell me I looked good everyday... well maybe because I don't either.

Today is my wedding to the one and only Jung Hoseok. The Jung family made a very big name for themselves in South Korea, years ago. Jung Hoseok's father is the founder and CEO of a famous restaurant chain. His mother is a famous doctor of surgical aesthetics and his older sister Jung Jiwoo is a famous youtuber and fashion designer in South Korea. So you could say that the Jung family is more famous than the president of South Korea and freaking rich. And I have the "privilege" of marrying him today. NOT! Neither he nor I agreed to this wedding, but what do children have to say when their parents have already decided behind our backs.

Jung Hoseok's father is my father's boss. You wonder why your father's boss wants an employee's daughter for his son? It's very simple, I'll explain it to you: My father lost his job back then because he was ill and had to get surgery on his leg, since then he really has trouble walking. And in South Korea almost no employer feels sorry for you. When you are healthy and you can work, you go to work. If you are ill and unable to work, it's your fault and you get fired and lose everything you have. And so my father lost his job back then and desperately looked for a job in a metropolis with millions of inhabitants that was fair to him and not physically demanding. Where did he end up? With Mr. Jung, who surprisingly had understanding and compassion for my father and took him on in one of his companies in Seoul.

Flashback

"Appa where are you?" I asked as my father when he answered his phone. "I am on the 12th floor my child! Did you come?" - "Yes Appa, I promised you that we would have lunch together today!" I said as I stood in front of the giant building of the Jung's company. "Yes, okay, that's right my child! Wait for your father, I'll be right there and we can go to the restaurant next door!" so I waited downstairs in front of the entrance. I don't want to wait inside, there are so many men at the entrance.... They're pretty serious about security here. "Y/N!!" I heard someone shout from behind. I turned around and saw my father coming towards me... or rather sneaking. Unfortunately he still can't walk since he had the surgery on his leg.

I went to him and offered him my arm so that he could support himself. I am really happy that he was accepted here. He doesn't earn much but enough to support my mother and me. We've always had money problems, ever since I was little. I was always one of the last to get the new shoes that were already in fashion last year. Or I was one of the people who got an iPhone 5 when the iPhone X was already on the market. That's why I tried to go to work at a young age to help my parents financially. My mother has been cleaning restaurants or schools or sometimes houses of rich families for years. But still I am glad that my father wanted to work after his surgery and found a simple office job.

"Appa, are you very hungry?" I ask him as we slowly walk down the stairs in front of the big building. "Yes my child I really-" - "Hello Mr. Y/L/N!" we heard someone shout interrupting my father. My father and I both looked up and standing in front of us was an older man, wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase. He looked very smart and around him were 3 men also wearing suits. "Oh, oh hello Mr. Jung!" my father exclaimed and bowed. I quickly bowed in response as well. That's Mr. Jung! The man who gave my father his job. The rich famous Mr. Jung CEO of his restaurant chain.

"Who is your pretty companion?" he asks and comes towards us. My father grins "My daughter Mr. Jung! Isn't she pretty?" oh no dad what are you saying. I notice my cheeks turning red and warm. Mr. Jung looks at me and smiles. "Yes your daughter is very pretty." wow I feel flattered. "I didn't know you had a daughter Mr. Y/L/N" he added. "Yes Mr. Jung I have a daughter and she is my pride and joy. I am honestly happy to have her in my life" my father said and I blurted I am as red as a tomato. "I would be too if I were you. She must even be my son's age! What a coincidence" says Mr. Jung and then we say goodbye to him and my father and I go to eat in the restaurant. Wow did that really just happen?

Few days later - still flashback

I can't wait to get home. Work is so exhausting, I'm so tired and exhausted I'm looking forward to my shower and my bed. Just as I walked in the front door I saw my parents sitting in the living room with a worried look on their faces like something had happened, like they were waiting for me.

"Hello Eomma and Appa." I say, about to go to my room. "Y/N wait!" I hear my mother call and I go back. She points to the couch to indicate that I should sit down. "What's wrong?" I say, looking at my parents. My father is looking at the floor all the time he doesn't dare look up don't  I don't know him that way. My mother looks at my father and waits. "Hello?" i ask. "Your father has something to tell you but please don't freak out." I am worried. What is going on? "Appa what's wrong you are scaring me is anything wrong? Are you not well?" finally he looks up. "Y/N, you know I love you." - "Yes I love you too" - "And you forgive me everything? Even if I trade selfishly?" - "Yes Appa I forgive you but please tell me what you did."

He finally looks at me and sits up straight. "The other day when we had lunch in my lunch break when we met Mr. Jung.... That same evening he came to me and asked me for something" he says with tears in his eyes. "What did he ask you, Appa?" I ask curiously.

"He asked me if you would like to marry his son."

He did what? 

Is he fucking serious? Who does he think he is? Just because he is rich and famous and who knows what he can take the right to go to other men to ask if the daughter can marry his son?

"Please tell me you said no Appa please tell me you said no" I scream and fall to the floor on my knees. The only thing he says is "I'm sorry" I can't take it anymore I start crying. Why is he doing this? Why does he agree? Why does he agree to such a thing! Why doesn't he ask me why doesn't he talk to me about it first instead of deciding for me! I am not an object or a toy that you can just give away. I am a human being, I decide for my own life and I tell him that.

"Please understand me, my daughter. I love you more than anything and you know that I only want the best for you. He wants to retire soon because he is also not the youngest anymore and he wants his son to follow in his footsteps but he needs a wife he wants that when it is made official that his son is CEO the media will report that he is married and when he saw you you immediately caught his eye!"

"Still no one gives you the right to say YES Appa! I don't want to marry his son! I don't know his son and I think his son has better things to do than marry a girl he doesn't even know!" I shout and stand up I can't believe what he is saying.

"Y/N don't you understand? They will be able to give you a better life. They will be able to give you everything I couldn't give you. You'll never have to go back to work you'll never have to get up early every morning to torture yourself you can quit your two jobs! You will be able to live a normal life of wealth and happiness! Please think of your mother and me too. I can't go to work anymore I have pain I can't walk properly and this office work is also stressing me out now I sit all the time I have back pain! Your mother has 3 jobs to take care of. We can't do it anymore and with the financial help of this family we will all be better Y/N please. Do it for us do it for you" he shouted.

I hope he knows that you don't need wealth to live a happy life. I say nothing more and rush into my room, throw myself on the bed and let my tears run. I can't believe it why do these things always happen to me? Just when I think my life can't get any shittier, it gets worse.

Back to present

"Thank you." I say to my work colleague whom I invited to my wedding. I haven't invited many people simply because I don't know anyone. Or let's put it this way, I just don't have any friends. I was never the most popular one at school. My work colleague and I took a photo, she thanked me, bowed to me and walked out of the beautifully decorated photo room. Just as I was about to get up there is a knock on the door and I see Mr. Jung and his wife and daughter come in.

"Wow Y/N! You look fantastic!" he says and hugs me. His wife and daughter agree and I smile at them. I'm not in the mood to talk to you rich brats. You're ruining my life.

"Hoseok is in his dressing room with his friends. He's pretty annoyed and irritable so don't be surprised if he gets a bit of a scowl at the altar," his sister says, grabbing my shoulder. Yes, because he doesn't want to either, don't you see?

I met Hoseok once when his parents invited me and our parents to their rich villa for dinner. Before that, of course, Mr. Jung transferred a lot of money to my father, a sum I have never seen in my life, and of course my father was allowed to quit his job. How can I put it? If you think Hoseok and I exchanged even a single word then I have to disappoint you. He didn't even look at me. He didn't speak a word, didn't laugh or smile once and didn't eat a thing. I have never felt so uncomfortable or ashamed in my life. That evening, our parents were just talking about what to do after the wedding. They have decided that my parents will move to a bigger house with employees so my parents will never have to move or work again. Mr. Jung will retire and tell the press that his son will be the new CEO and Hoseok and I will move into a villa in Seoul after the wedding.

Of course, he asked us if we would like to go on a honeymoon right after the wedding to get to know each other better, but neither of us agreed. He didn't make a sound anyway, so I had to have the stupid conversation with his father.

The only person I got along with well was his sister. She could completely understand how me and her brother felt. She told me after dinner that she is also married and her husband was also forced to marry her by her father. Her husband was of course also the son of a friend of his. He was of the opinion that she, as a famous fashion designer, needed a man by her side and she said to me that I shouldn't hold it against him because he still thinks in such an old-fashioned way. Meanwhile she and her husband are happily married, I am happy for her that she could at least learn to love him.

When it was finally time to walk down the aisle with my father, I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I didn't care about my make-up, I just wanted to go back to my old life because I know I'll never have that again. My father and I walked down the long aisle with eyes fixed on me. I could hear everyone amazed and saying how pretty I was and how lucky I was to be able to marry him. No, neither of us can consider ourselves lucky because we both don't want that. The aisle seemed so long and it just wouldn't stop. Arriving at the altar, my father presented my hand to my future husband and they bowed to each other. He didn't look me in the eye once, his eyes were empty and directed to the floor.

The ceremony went okay I could hear a few tears flowing from our mothers. To be honest, I had imagined my wedding quite differently. I could have married on a farm, but at least the love of my life would be with me.

The wedding went well, how can I say it was okay. We both sat next to each other while the guests danced and had fun and drank alcohol. We, or rather he, talked to many of the businessmen his father had invited to the wedding. It felt more like I was wearing a wedding dress to a business meeting. We didn't exchange a word, not even glances, he treated me like I was air. Too bad we'll be living together Mr. Jung Hoseok.

1 month after the wedding

"Y/L/N Good morning. Would you like coffee or tea? Pancakes or rice? Or do you have any other requests please let me know so I can pass it on to the cook!" the housekeeper Soyoung asks me as I'm walking down the stairs - I've only just woken up. I'm still overwhelmed with this new lifestyle never had someone running after me just after I get up but she was very nice and sweet.

"A coffee please Soyoung. I don't want anything to eat thanks I can't eat well in the morning, I usually eat when I'm hungry!" she looks at me surprised. "That's why you sometimes leave your food.... well then please let me know right away if you get hungry Y/L/N I will tell the cook right away!" she says smiling and walks to the kitchen.

I look out the big window facing the exit and I can see that Hoseok's car is not here. It's never here. He always gets up early every morning and comes home very late since he is the new CEO. We don't see each other at all or never.

In the evening when I was sitting alone at the dining table I hear a car parked in the driveway. I look out of the window and see that Hoseok has just come home - quite early by his standards, it's only 8pm. I quickly sit back down and pretend I was never at the window. He walks in the front door and all the staff bow to him. He looks at me and then quickly goes up to his office. Hello to you too Hoseok.

1 month later

This month is my mum's birthday and I have to be honest that I haven't seen her since my wedding. I don't have the best relationship with my parents anymore because I still can't forgive what they did to me and that they gave me away to another family for their happiness. But of course they don't know that I am so resentful because please, they are still parents. Parents usually don't see that when the children are angry or not happy.

I stand in my wardrobe and look at the clothes Soyoung put out for me. A beautiful Chanel skirt with a matching blazer, nice shoes with a little heel and a bag that looks more expensive than some cars. I change and Soyoung calls a woman in to do my hair. I'm not used to all this, I've never had my hair done before, I'm just going to visit my parents.

"Y/L/N, when you're done, you can go down to the car. Mr. Hoseok is waiting for you downstairs," she says and smiles at me. Mr. who? "What, why is he waiting downstairs?" I ask her in surprise. "He will accompany you, of course! Wouldn't it be bad if he didn't congratulate his mother-in-law! So I'd be mad at my husband if he didn't come!" she says, smiling at me.

Oh Soyoung you are so sweet and naive. I walk out the front door and get into the car with Hoseok waiting for me. I have to say he looks really good today, he's dressed up more than usual. And the fact that he took the day off to come with me to my mother's, even though he must have a lot to do, makes me very happy too. But what am I saying? He's the CEO, he can take the day off whenever he wants.

The car ride is very quiet and the only thing you can hear is the voice of the radio presenter saying what the weather is today and in the next few days. I'm honest I'm quiet for a really long time I'm always quiet when someone isn't talking to me and feels uncomfortable next to me then I feel exactly the same. I could win first place in a quiet competition and I would even be proud of it but this silence between me and Hoseok is eating me up inside so I muster up all my courage and say to him "Thank you for coming with me today. I know it's not a matter of course" I say and look at him. I can tell by the look on his face that he is surprised that I am talking to him. He hesitates a little before he says, "No problem," curtly.

Arriving at my parents' new house, we stand in front of the door and wait for someone to open it. "Y/N and oh! Hoseok! You came!" my mother says in surprise when she sees Hoseok standing behind of me. Hoseok bows to her and wishes her a happy birthday. "Come on in quickly," she says and takes us to the living room.

"I'm so glad you came, what a surprise to see you here Hoseok!" my father says as he walks into the living room. Hoseok smiles at him and says "I'd love to. I mean, my mother-in-law doesn't have a birthday every day." I am surprised! Did he honestly just say that? He's never shown any interest in my parents before, let alone me. So why does he suddenly care about my mother's birthday? We were served coffee and cake by my parents' housekeepers while there was an uncomfortable silence.

The young housekeeper serves me my coffee and a piece of cake and goes over to Hoseok. I notice how he doesn't look at her but she tries to get all his attention. She keeps asking him how he wants his coffee and how big his piece should be. Hello, why didn't she ask me that? I mean, is she really trying to get his attention next to his wife?

My father interrupts the awkward silence by asking "How are you two doing? I know this might not be the perfect time to talk about it, but are you getting along better? Have you been able to get to know each other better?" I notice how tense Hoseok becomes and wants to avoid answering but just as I am about to answer I hear him say, "Yes, we understand each other better. We have a relatively normal marriage now. Don't worry about it Y/D/N" and smiles at him. I don't think I'm hearing right? Is he serious? For two months he hasn't exchanged a single word with me and now he wants to tell my parents that we are happily, well almost happily, married?

Back in the car we don't exchange a word with each other. Happy marriage, my ass. Don't make me laugh. At home, Soyoung serves us our dinner and we sit alone in the living room, eating in quiet silence. But suddenly, "Would you like to go with me to - to my friend's house tonight? He and his wife invited us, I said it might not work out but it's still early so do you want to?" I don't think I'm hearing right. To his friend's? He's introducing me to his friend? AND his wife? I stammer "Y-y-yes so if that's ok with you" and he nods.

After dinner we drive to his friend's house. We are standing in front of the door of a penthouse his friend must have quite a lot of money too. "Hello Hoseok!" his friend says as he opens the door for us. "Hello Namjoon," says Hoseok and we both go inside. Once in the living room, his friend calls his wife Naeun and they both introduce themselves. "Hello I am Namjoon and this is my wife Naeun we are very happy to finally meet you. Unfortunately we couldn't talk to each other at your wedding," Namjoon says and smiles at me. "The pleasure is all mine," I say and sit down on the couch. "And how is the newly in love couple? I think it's a shame we couldn't meet you earlier Y/N but Hoseok said you were busy every time" Naeun says and Hoseok doesn't look at me. "Y-yes I was busy I'm sorry. I wish I could have met you guys earlier too," I am overwhelmed I don't know what to say.

"Come on tell me how you two met already! Every time I ask Hoseok he avoids me, maybe I can get it out of you!" Namjoon says.

“I-I uh we-" - "It doesn't matter Namjoon! Our fathers knew each other and that's how we met and fell in love," Hoseok interrupts me.

I think I'm in a bad movie. He tells lies about our marriage just to make himself look good, but I don't understand, he is his friend, why doesn't he tell him the truth? Time went by more and more and we understood each other better and better. I also saw Hoseok laughing so much today, I didn't even know he could laugh properly, otherwise I always got to see his angry and cold looks and he also talked to me a lot more today.

When we got home we were greeted by Soyoung at the door late at night. "Soyoung you can go to sleep it's very late" Hoseok says and Soyoung looks at him in surprise. When Soyoung went to her room and I said goodnight to Hoseok he grabs me by my wrist. "Shall we sleep in my room tonight Y/N?" - "W-what why? Are you sure?" I ask him. 

"Yeah I think we should sleep together tonight.... I mean we are married. Neither me nor you wanted that but it happened now and we should make the best of it." he says and looks at me curiously. I agree with him. He is right. We are married whether we like it or not we are husband and wife. "If you want we can start with little dates.... We can go to the movies and restaurants... We can travel. We can do all that and maybe get to know each other better." he suggests. I smile at him and thus began a somewhat strange but ultimately beautiful marriage.

[panharmonium]

(1/3) Heya! A while back you were discussing Morgana's character and Merlin's relationship with her WRT magic and mentioned "gaslighting." I know for myself when I refer to Merlin gaslighting her it's not in regards to him not outing himself, but that 1) Pre 2X03 he goes along with Gaius in pretending to not believe that her visions are true and giving her the sleeping draughts. And Post 2X03, after reassuring her that they're still friends, he just doesn't really talk to her again until 2X12.

Hi!  So, I will preface this by saying that I normally don't have a chance to respond to asks in this much depth, but luckily I had some free time over the past couple of days, and there's nothing I like better than writing incessantly about Merlin, so I took the liberty of doing a deep dive. :)

My impression (because these asks don't actually include a particular question for me to answer) is that I'm being asked to expand/defend my own analysis from my original post with regard to the above points.  And I'll be honest and say that I won't always do that for folks on demand, because I really am of the school of thought that I don't write meta to convince anybody of something or "prove" a point - I really am just talking to myself in my own room for fun, and it isn't important to me to make a case to anybody who would rather approach from a different angle.  Like - if we’re on different pages, it’s chill; I don’t feel a need to discuss it or like...change someone’s mind.  (In all seriousness, I really have just been writing these things for myself and a couple of friends.  Prior to three days ago, when some kind of a bizarre surge happened, I had no followers who were here specifically for Merlin.)

But there are definitely some things referenced in these messages that I do have strong opinions about (though as I always say, that doesn't mean anyone is obligated to agree with me!)  And since I have the free time and am actually interested in this topic, I figured I'd try to address these things one by one (though I can't promise to do so in order.)  

I'll put everything under a cut, because this did get quite long.

disclaimer: as always, whenever I write meta: these are just my own thoughts, and I don’t expect anyone to share them.  If we are on different pages, feel free to scroll past and keep having fun in whatever way is most enjoyable to you!

1) “after reassuring her that they're still friends, he just doesn't really talk to her again until 2X12″

So first, I have to pose a question.

Why does this say "[Merlin] just doesn't really talk to her again" after 2.03?

Specifically, that framing.  

Merlin doesn't talk to her again.  

Because what actually happens, from 2.03-2.10, in an objective, this-is-what-we-see-onscreen way, is this: Merlin defies Gaius and tells Morgana that he believes she has magic.  He sends her to the Druids so they can help her, tries to distract the attacking knights so she can escape from Camelot with the Druids permanently, and, when that fails, he makes sure to come to Morgana's room and tell her that he supports her and her secret is safe with him.  

Then, from 2.04 through 2.10, they don't have screen time together.

Not "Merlin just doesn't talk to her."  

They don't have screen time together.  You could say "Morgana just doesn't talk to him" and it would be just as true.

But somehow we immediately frame our discussion of this as Merlin not doing something.  And that is what I am pushing back against.  

Merlin takes massive risks to help Morgana in 2.03.  He makes it very clear that he is there for her and he will never tell her secret, and Morgana, for her part, is shown to be very appreciative of that.  It's clear that she trusts him and believes him.  They part on a very positive note, at the end of 2.03.

Why, then, do we automatically frame the objective, unattributable-to-any-one-character fact that they don't interact onscreen after that as being somehow a failing on Merlin's part?   Why do we frame the simple fact that "they have no scenes together" as something for which we can lay blame?  (On Merlin, of course.  Never on Morgana.)

It's not as if we see Morgana reaching out and failing to get a response.  From 2.04-2.10, there are zero scenes of Morgana trying to approach Merlin and being rebuffed.  There are no scenes of Morgana wishing for guidance and being turned away.  And, with the exception of the Witchfinder episode (where Merlin already does literally everything in his power to expose this dangerous man and protect Morgana from his machinations) Morgana is not, in fact, shown to be getting "more and more freaked out and isolated."  

I want to pause and address that, because I know we've all sort of...collectively decided to imagine that this is what happened (because as a fandom we've tried to just fill in with fanon what feels like a blank left by the writers), but onscreen, in terms of the source material: it is false to say that “in the background you kind of see Morgana get more and more freaked out and isolated as the season progresses.”  It just doesn’t happen.

With the exception of "The Witchfinder," Morgana is never shown to be having any inner conflicts about her magic, not until 2.11.  Episodes 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10 - absolutely nothing.  There is one scene in 2.08 where she mentions having trouble sleeping, but then that issue is immediately resolved for her when Morgause gives her the healing bracelet and cures her nightmares.  There are no scenes of Morgana worrying about her magic.  No scenes of her needing help.  No scenes referencing her position as a person who is struggling with being a secret magic-user.  No scenes referencing her magic at all, in fact.  She is not shown to be getting more and more freaked out and isolated; rather she appears to have integrated back into her old life, comfortable now in the knowledge of who and what she is.  It’s like what she told Merlin at the end of 2.03: "I know now who I really am.  And it isn't something to be scared of.  Maybe one day people will come to see magic as a force for good."

And we can of course debate whether that was really an appropriate writing decision, to have Morgana be fine, fine, fine, until suddenly we hit 2.11 and it's like, 'oh, suddenly not fine,' but we also can't evaluate or judge Merlin based on a fanon image of what we imagine was happening in Season 2.  We can only evaluate him based on what actually happens onscreen (whether we feel like it was well-written or not), and what actually happens onscreen is that minus her fear in The Witchfinder, which Merlin already takes decisive actions to address, Morgana is not shown to be distressed or isolated or conflicted until we hit 2.11.  

She appears, as far as Merlin and the audience can see, to be doing just fine.

I’ve got to be clear on this: "Merlin just doesn't really talk to her again" is a loaded sentence, when the phenomenon we're really trying to describe is  "Merlin and Morgana have no scenes together."  It inherently assigns responsibility, agency, and blame for any non-interaction to Merlin, when there is nothing in canon to support that framing.

If Morgana wants to talk to Merlin, she can come talk to him.  She knows Merlin is on her side.  She is shown to trust and appreciate Merlin without reservation at the end of 2.03.  And even if she had been shown to be spiraling into a bad place in 2.04-2.10 (which, as discussed above, is not the case) she could have come to Merlin at any time.  It is literally not Merlin's responsibility to pursue Morgana and press her to talk to him.  He has done his due diligence.  He makes sure she knows he is on her side, that he supports her, that he believes her, that he will never reveal her secret.  And she is shown to believe him when he says that.  If she needs him, she knows she can approach him.  And if she chooses not to do that - then that is on her.

This is a tough pill for even the in-universe characters to swallow, but Merlin is not responsible for the well-being of every single person in Camelot.  It is not his job to make sure that every single person in his orbit is 100% okay at all times.  It is not his job to read his friends' minds, or anticipate every single one of their needs, or to offer himself to them constantly, repeatedly, every time he has a spare moment, especially when they seem (like Morgana from 2.04 to 2.10) to be doing well.  Merlin has already been placed in a position where he is expected to devote almost all of his energy to serving someone else's interests.  When we expect him to also worry about and monitor and manage the health and happiness of all the other people around him, we are perpetuating the same damaging narrative for which we criticize characters like Kilgharrah, Gaius, etc - that everything is on Merlin, and if he can’t manage to juggle it all, then the negative consequences that ensue are his fault. 

A personal illustration of how this would play out in real life:

I live with my sister.  I am a pretty stoic person.  And when something is the matter, I sometimes don't tell her about it.  I just pretend like everything is fine.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she would listen to me and support me if I ever came to her with a problem, but sometimes I don't do that.  And if that’s the choice I make, then that’s fine, but I have to take responsibility for it.  It's not okay for me to get angry and BLAME her for not helping me, when I never gave her any indication that I needed help in the first place.

So - flipping the narrative, what if we reframed the original statement to an equally loaded but equally accurate “post 2.03, Morgana just doesn't talk to Merlin.”  The two of them go through a harrowing experience together, where Merlin takes deadly risks to try to help Morgana escape Camelot and find her true self, where he offers his continuing support to her after it's over, and then she just never takes him up on that offer.  She retreats back into her comfortable position as Uther's noble ward, and stops associating with Arthur's lowly servant.  When Merlin helps save Gwen from the bandits in 2.04, Morgana never thanks him.  When Merlin is framed for theft by Catrina and hunted down, she doesn't stand up for him or try to help him.  When Gaius is arrested and tortured by the Witchfinder, she never stops by to see how Merlin is doing and check if he's okay.  When she's approached by a total stranger who wants her to steal a "weapon" for him, she doesn’t talk to Merlin at all, but rather agrees to steals the Crystal of Neahtid without ANY understanding of what it actually does or what Alvarr's plans are for it, leaving Merlin completely in the dark about why she's suddenly sneaking around acting so strange and suspicious.

Think back to Season One.  When Gwen is accused of sorcery and sentenced to death, Merlin confesses himself in order to save her.  Despite enjoying none of the protections Morgana has as Uther’s ward, Merlin still confesses himself in order to protect a friend.  But when Merlin is accused of sorcery in 2.07 (and when Gaius is then sentenced to be executed), Morgana does nothing comparable.  She just lets them take the fall.  Merlin allows himself (and Gaius) to be accused, even though he could easily have ratted Morgana out instead, and Morgana, despite knowing that Merlin is keeping silent to protect her at his own expense, never says a word to defend him, or approaches Merlin about it afterwards.  She sees Merlin dragged out of the Council Chambers screaming after Gaius is sentenced to death, but she says nothing.  She knows Gaius is going to be burnt at the stake, but she does nothing, not even making her usual appeal to Arthur.  

Does that mean we should assume that she was being negligent?  That she was abandoning Merlin when he needed her most?

For clarity - I'm not saying that the answer to that question is yes.  I’m saying that I’ve never seen anybody assign intention/bad faith to Morgana when it comes to her non-interaction with Merlin from 2.04 to 2.10 (even though that particular read is actually far more justified by the text).  There is no reason to assign intention to Merlin, either.

Ultimately, I just want us to be aware that saying “Merlin just doesn’t really talk to her again” inherently assigns agency and blame to an agentless fact.  Morgana and Merlin not being on screen together from 2.04 to 2.10 =/= "Merlin just doesn't really talk to her."  The phrase "Morgana just doesn't really talk to him" is an equally true statement, but one we don't hear nearly as often, because in the Merlin-verse, everything is Merlin's responsibility.  And therefore, when there’s a problem, everything is Merlin's fault.

2) “pre 2X03 he goes along with Gaius in pretending to not believe that her visions are true giving her the sleeping draughts”

Okay, this is just my own opinion, but - I personally think it is unreasonable for us to expect Merlin to correct every single bad choice that the people around him make, and it's unfair to transfer the blame for other people's choices onto his shoulders.

If Gaius is making bad choices prior to 2.03, then they are Gaius's bad choices.  Merlin, in 1.07, has just arrived in Camelot within the last couple of months.  Gaius has lived in Camelot all his life, and has been dealing with Morgana for two decades and Uther for longer than that.  Gaius is a trained physician.  He is in a position of authority over Merlin, and he has far more experience with the royal family than Merlin does, and when he tells Merlin that the safest thing for Morgana right now is to help her sleep through the night without having potentially-prophetic nightmares, of course Merlin listens to him. 

But five minutes into 2.03, immediately after Merlin learns that Morgana actually has magic (not just dream-visions, which this show states to be a separate gift) he is arguing with Gaius, saying that "you need to be honest with her."  At the fifteen minute mark, he is in Morgana's chambers telling her how to find the Druids.  

I cannot get on board with transferring blame that belongs to other people and dumping it all on Merlin's overburdened shoulders.  He directly defies Gaius's orders so that he can help Morgana, as soon as it becomes apparent how serious her situation is.  He leads Camelot's army on a chase through the woods in an attempt to help her run away, putting himself at extreme personal risk to do so.  How would he explain that, if he were caught?  If he were seen?

He does more to help her with her gift than anyone, and he puts himself at risk of discovery and execution to do it.  The standards to which we hold him, and the number of responsibilities we expect him to assume, and the ways we hold him accountable for choices that other people in positions of power have made, even when he ultimately corrects their mistakes - are impossibly unreasonable, and they certainly aren't the same standards we use to evaluate Morgana’s actions.

3) “while I don't think Merlin owed outing himself to anyone IMO was a really nasty undercurrent in the writing of ‘crazy/hysterical woman with her volatile lady feelings can't be trusted’ even after he's known her for like a year compared to Lancelot, Gilli, Daegel etc. being a-okay.”

Comparing Morgana to Lancelot, Gilli, and Daegal as a way of saying that Merlin underrates Morgana's trustworthiness in favor of theirs doesn't make sense.

Merlin doesn't choose to out himself to Lancelot at all.  It's an accident.  

Merlin doesn't choose to out himself to Daegal, either.  He's put in a situation where it's either "use magic" or "we both die."

Gilli has a little more wiggle room in terms of "was this an active decision on Merlin's part," but it's also not accurate to interpret this situation as arising out of Merlin's personal desires/level of trust in Gilli as a person.   Merlin reveals himself because he feels like it is the only way to get through to someone who is going to get themselves killed looking for revenge.  (And I've written previously about how I think Merlin's choices in this situation are in fact directly influenced by the decisions he didn't make with Morgana, and how making the opposite choice here in an attempt to "do the ‘right’ thing this time" doesn't actually change the ultimate outcome, but that's neither here nor there.)

None of these three instances are moments where Merlin looks at these characters and goes, “these people seem way more trustworthy than that crazy, volatile lady i know; i’m gonna reveal myself to them!"  He is forced into all of these situations, against his will, and is outed either by accident or necessity.

Additionally - the above is really the more important counterpoint, but I do think it's worth mentioning that Morgana, as far as the closeness of her relationship with Merlin goes, also can't be meaningfully compared with the other three characters on this list because her position as a noble places her in a totally different category altogether.

Merlin legitimately likes Morgana in the early seasons, and he's thrilled to be her friend.  But Merlin is also class-conscious - he has to be, given his position in society; and moreover he's spent the first twenty years of his life being best friends with a dude who is both hyperaware of and hypervocal about the inequalities of the current social system.  Merlin is ALWAYS aware that Morgana is on a different level than he is, and he is perfectly justified in being slightly more reticent around people who aren't cut from his own cloth, in the same way he is justified in being slightly more careful around Arthur, who also leverages his power and privilege whenever "equality" becomes inconvenient for him.

Take the comparison between Lancelot and Morgana, for example.  Merlin has known Lancelot for slightly less time than Morgana (Merlin meets Lancelot in 1.05), but he cleaves to Lancelot more quickly, and it is only natural that Merlin would do so.  Merlin is a peasant farmer.  He is literally as low on the social ladder as you can get without being one of the itinerant poor.  Morgana is, in essence, a princess, and Merlin isn't wrong for feeling more comfortable around Lancelot than he is around her, because Morgana, for all that she is generous-minded with the servants, is SO far above the level of people Merlin is used to associating with, and she has SO much more influence than he does - it's a power differential that can't be erased, no matter how friendly Morgana is with him.  And it’s a dynamic that isn't limited to Morgana, either - it exists between Merlin and Arthur, too.  

This is an element of the show that I don't necessarily see discussed often when it comes to Morgana and Merlin (and Gwen, for that matter), and most of the time it seems to be ignored in favor of like...“Morgana doesn't see class!  She's friends with Gwen and she's friends with Merlin!"  And I'm not disputing that she considers herself to be friends with them at first, but I also am not going to pretend that she doesn't then weaponize her class against them as soon as the situation changes.

In S3, she leverages her privileged position to threaten Merlin with execution if he tries to reveal her misdeeds, because she knows that no one will believe a servant even if he tells the truth ("Just think how Uther would react if he learnt that a serving boy had tried to poison his beloved ward").  She is horrified at her vision of Gwen taking the throne in 3.10, saying "How can that be?  She's a servant."  She mockingly calls Gwen "My lady" when capturing her in 5.06, and, when offering Gwen a drink of water, says, "Is it too good for you now that you're queen?"  She scathingly criticizes Helios’s capture of Merlin in 4.06, saying, "And you bring me how many men?  Or should I say how many servants?"  She tells Merlin, "You are Arthur's servant, nothing more" later in that same episode.  She dispenses with all semblances of equality with Gwen in late Season 2 whenever Gwen's in the way, instead snapping at her, ordering her around, and booting her out of the room.  And in "The Dark Tower," she drags Gwen behind her on a rope.

Morgana in the early seasons is committed to an "I'm not going to lord my social status over my lower-class friends!" attitude.  But that doesn't mean her social status doesn’t exist, or that the power differential has vanished.  And when the chips are down - when Morgana feels like she's getting less than she "deserves" but her former servants are getting more than they themselves do - she falls back on the power she has as a noble.  The ways in which Morgana interacts with Merlin and Gwen, after Morgana's falling out with Camelot, don't manifest as just "you betrayed me and we're not friends anymore," they express themselves in ways that specifically target Merlin and Gwen's "lowly" status, in comparison to Morgana's lofty one.

4) “I also hate the Merlin and Gaius talk in 2X12 where they more or less write her off as using her powers for eviiiiil when she hadn't consciously used her powers for ANYTHING yet.”

I suppose this could be subject to personal interpretation, but I’m pretty sure Gaius and Merlin think Morgana was consciously aware that she was the source of the magic.

They don't know that she wasn't consciously involved.  The audience doesn't even know that, frankly.  What Morgana is actually aware of is left undefined by the show.  (I personally always got the vibe that Morgana obviously knows it has something to do with the agreement she and Morgause made, but that she doesn't exactly understand the details of how it's working.)  But that's still never actually stated.

Merlin, (after Kilgharrah tells him the magic is coming from Morgana), assumes she is aware of what's happening.  And I personally think it’s impressive that even given this, he covers for her the entire episode.  At first he doesn't even suspect she has anything to do with it at all, not even after what she did in the previous ep - he makes up that story about Gaius having given her a potion to cover for her, assuming her magic is what's keeping her awake.  It's not until Kilgharrah tells him what's going on that he realizes the truth, and EVEN THEN, he continues to lie for her.  

If she was afraid - if she was in over her head - if she regretted her actions and wanted to change her mind - she could have confessed to Merlin and asked him for help.  Literally everyone in Camelot was incapacitated, and as far as Merlin knew, Morgana’s plan was to let them all die.  It's not that I'm happy about Merlin's choice to poison her, and neither is Merlin - but I'm also not comfortable blaming him to the exclusion of Morgana or critiquing him for feeling like Morgana did something bad.  She did do something bad!  She made her own choices.  Merlin didn't make them for her.  

Erasing Morgana’s responsibility erases her agency.  She makes decisions to get where she is in 2.12.  She makes an agreement to help Morgause without doing her research and without getting the details about what would actually happen to the people around her, just like she made an agreement to help Alvarr retrieve the Crystal of Neahtid without finding out what it actually was or how Alvarr planned to use it.  Merlin didn't make Morgana do any of those things.  

Re: the Merlin+Gaius talk in 2.12 - I personally don't read that conversation with Gaius as Merlin "writing [Morgana] off."  

Merlin doesn't think Morgana is irredeemably evil.  He apologizes to Morgana when she returns in 3.01.  Even when she displays shame and self-recrimination about her own actions, he doesn't say one word condemning her for anything she did in the last season.  All he feels is sympathy for her suffering.  He tells her, sincerely, "I am so sorry for everything you've been through."  He holds absolutely no grudge for what she did in 2.12.  None.  

And even when he finds out she's betraying them again - he first approaches her as a friend.  He begs her to stop.  He tells her, "It doesn't have to be like this.  We can find another way."  He answers "no" when she asks him if he believes she deserves to be executed for who she is.  Even as she's trying to kill them all.

And when she snaps, "Good!" in response to his statement that women and children are dying and the city will fall, he responds, "You don't mean that."  That is not the response of someone who's already written her off as evil.  He doesn't believe she wants all this violence.  He is trying to reach her.

She doesn't ever reach back.  And that is not Merlin's fault.

5) kilgharrah indiscriminately kills people

I don't think I can really address Kilgharrah in any meaningful way, because personally I don’t feel like dragons operate on or can be evaluated by human moral standards.  Other folks can take a different tack with this, obviously; there's no canon information one way or another.  That's just my own personal approach.

6) “[Kilgharrah] and Merlin are bros again by 3X02 but Morgause and Morgana and Kara killing knights and guards (who work for Uther/Arthur) are OMG murderers, have crossed a line, etc.”

Okay, look, let’s be honest here - this issue is a real philosophical question raised by the show, but Morgause and Morgana are not just killing knights and guards.  Morgana, with Morgause at her right hand, literally orders her crossbowmen to murder a bunch of civilians in the street, as if shooting fish in a barrel.  She tells her forces to “burn [the people’s] crops.”  She raids Ealdor, a poor peasant village that isn’t even within Camelot’s borders, at the end of Season 4, and at the beginning of Season 5, Morgana’s Saxon army is attacking innocent peasant villages in Annis’s kingdom and capturing the villagers to be taken as slave labor to Ismere.  Later in Season 5, Morgana kills other magic-users like Finna and Alator, who have been just as wronged by Arthur/Uther as she herself has been.

Kara - I've already written extensively about how she did nothing wrong and Arthur deserved to be deposed, so...same page there!

To wrap this up -

Nobody does everything right in this show.  Everybody screws up somewhere.  And the degree to which various people are both victims and villains is something we all have to decide for ourselves, and not all of our conclusions will be the same, which is perfectly fine.

But in the end, for me, the difference between Merlin and Morgana is that Merlin owns his choices.  He believes he is the one to blame for what happens not just to him, but to the people around him.  He literally says to Morgana, "I blame myself for what you've become."  And while I don't necessarily think that's even true, he certainly does.  Despite the fact that there are so many factors limiting him and forcing his hand and trapping him into certain courses of action, he never cites those factors as excuses, or seems to recognize their existence at all.  He takes responsibility for himself, regardless of any extenuating circumstances.  He looks back at his choices, and he feels remorse for some of them, and at the end of the day, when things go badly, he blames himself.  

But when things go badly for Morgana, she only ever blames others.  When something is wrong, it's because Merlin or Arthur or Gwen or whoever didn't help her (even though she never asked them for help in the first place.)  We never see her acknowledge a mistake or regret a decision, even though she obviously makes her fair share of bad ones.  She is never shown to be sorry for anything.  The closest we get to remorse is her interaction with Mordred in 5.09 ("I hope one day you find the love and compassion which used to fill your heart"), and that brief moment of inner conflict never goes anywhere (which is so unfortunate, as a writing decision, but again, in a piece like this, I can only evaluate what actually happened onscreen, not what I wish had happened).

So, all this being said, I personally am very careful about assigning more blame to Merlin than what he already assigns to himself - especially when he doesn't deserve it (for example, see Part 1 of this piece).  Merlin makes his share of mistakes, but we are generally much quicker to hold him accountable than we are Morgana, and we outline impossible expectations for him that we don't expect from any other character on this show.  We hold him to a different standard, one which is, frankly, pretty much in line with how he's treated in the canon: that everything is his responsibility, and when things don't work out, everything is his fault.  And I can’t get behind that mindset, because a) it isn’t fair to him, and b) I don’t think it holds up under scrutiny.

[itshesdimples]

-Hello to anyone reading. This is my first time writing something and putting it out for the world to see. That being said, I would love any constructive criticism you have to give me. Thank you for any support you may give me, I cant thank you enough xoxo ~H - 

I remember the day as if it were yesterday; the day you crossed the unimaginable line. 

I thought we had everything, I thought I was your everything. 

2 MONTHS AGO

"Hey sunshine, just calling to let you know I wont be able to make it home this time. I'm sorry, the label has me doing something that I'm not sure is a good idea but they say it will help me in the long run." He sighs at the end, I imagine him palming his forehead.

"Look, I need you to listen to me when I tell you that you are everything to me, you make me want to become the best version of myself. During the months we have been together I have seen the best and worst side of you and I'm not running, promise. I want you to be mine forever, do you hear me? Just remember that." Harry expelled.

You were a little worried, seeing as you two had been together for a little over nine months and it was extremely rewarding. The time apart has always been different to the other relationships she had been in the past but with Harry it seemed like more than she had ever received from the previous men. 

As a surgical intern you work countless hours and never really get more than a few hours to yourself, so when you met Harry you really never saw it going anywhere. You were just too happy for your own good, openly expressing your life to perfect strangers and expecting them all to be accepting of who you are.

* 9 MONTHS AGO* 

The hospital you worked at allotted 80 hours a work week and as hopeful as you may be feeling, there is a little voice in the back of your head telling you not to go bar hopping. "Just one drink and then water." you emphasize to your good friend Mike, the bartender. 

"Vodka soda coming right up, Dr. Demanding." He chuckles. You turn around in the chair and stare at all the fellow drunks, looking for your intern comrades who should be here by now. 

Although you dont find your friends, you spot a very handsome, familiar face coming toward you. Admiring the face across from you, you decide to take the first step following by the downing of your vodka soda. " You dont seem to be familiar with the very famous bar here in town so you must not be from around here," you tease, holding out your hand to shake. "I'm [Y/N]. Not to sound weird but have we met before?" You get a very bold feeling of deja vu but laugh it off. "I'm sorry, my friends are supposed to be here by now and I'm socially handicapped, sometimes I dont know when to stop talking." Now you're just rambling at the breathtaking man in front of you and feeling red in the cheeks. 

"Its alright love, I sometimes feel socially handicapped around exquisite women such as yourself. Actually, that sounded like you're one of hundreds but I-- what I meant to say was that, you seem a little lonely. Can I buy you a drink?" He rambles, tugging at his jacket. 

"I am only allowed one drink, I know it sounds weird but I'm on a ticking time bomb, you see this?" You pull out your pager, "any moment this thing will go off and I have to skip back to work like a dreamy little school girl but inside I am dying of starvation, need a beer and twenty hours sleep." You just keep spitting up word vomit and your face is permanently pink but you just cant stop because what if it gets quiet? Now that's when it gets awkward.

"I don't think we have ever met because I'd remember you" Harry confirms, looking you up and down your shapely body. "What do you do for a living that has you on such a tight leash?" Taking a sip of his beer, he stands up and walks next to the chair you're sitting in. 

"Surgical intern, Dr. [Y/L/N] at your service, sir." You cant help but crack a little bit of the tension you have building up in your stomach while talking to him but that doesn't stop you from staring him in the eyes and trying your best to flirt. 

The aura around him is too intoxicating, too much to handle without trying to add a little humor in the mix. "I like it when you call me sir, Dr. [Y/L/N] but how long have you been a doctor? I'd love to get to know you before you have to leave me." He articulates, trying to captivate her attention.

"I love my job but it has been a long winded road, it feels like years but I've only been a real doctor for a little over two months. It takes a lot out of me but that is why I'm glad I have two great friends who I can lean on. We keep each other afloat and they're also my roommates. I don't know where I would be without them." All of that poured out of my mouth before I had the chance to cork it but I couldn't help telling him something about myself that was at least surface level.

He just seems like an eerie case of the best illusion I've ever seen. I cant help but shake the feeling that I've known him all my life, like telling him the ins-and-outs of my life wouldn't be detrimental to my health. 

"Now tell me something about yourself. For starters maybe your name? I've never seen you here before and I'm here all the time so I'm pretty good at knowing who is an out of towner, and I don't know how much time I have left." You're trying to get to know him and that is so unlike you. Having had boyfriends in the past, you were never the one asking the questions or wanting to get to know them more than a few dates and drinks. The longest relationship you have ever had was two months and you two went to high school together. 

"Hi I'm Harry, and I don't know how much longer I get to sit next to you so please can I have your number, sunshine? I would love to take you for dinner sometime soon." Harry is going out on a whim asking for your phone number but keeps going, "From what I have gathered you are a very busy woman and I admire that, love it even. I know this sounds crazy but I feel like I know you already and I have never felt that with another person so please give me a chance, I will work around your schedule. I dont care what it--" he is stopped when your pager goes off as an emergent patient being admitted, all hands on deck you assume. 

"Sunshine, huh? I like it." You wink at him and ask Mike for a pen so you can scrawl your number on a napkin and thank Harry for a very pleasant chat. It was good to know that he felt for you, as you did him after just meeting the man, and his nickname for you was adorable. 

For the next two weekends you spent getting to know Harry on a personal note. He told you he loved writing music, performing and was already an amazing talent. Harry showed you his latest music and you wondered how you hadn't connected the dots sooner. You knew he was a very private person, as he told you on your first date. 

(FLASHBACK)

"I'd love to get to know your friends, and see what kind of person you are. I can't wait to know you but I just want you to know that I can't have a lot of people knowing what is going on in my personal life." He sighs, you two sat down at dinner and he couldn't help but spit out what he wanted to tell you when you first met. "I don't want to sound pretentious or come off as someone who cares about his appearance to others but I have to tell you that I make music for a living and have quite the lot of fans. Screaming fans to be exact, " he chortles, asking the waiter for a bottle of wine to start off, "but I can't help but love them all. They made my career but I have to remain a private person. I adore my fans but they are very protective and I don't want our relationship to struggle because of a few of them saying unkind things." He grabs your hand and looks you in the eyes, trying to make you understand the reason for privacy.

"I've never met anyone like you Harry and I meet a lot of people on the regular. You have this way about you that draws me in and I want to get to know you. If that means that I cannot post my gushing about you on social media, so be it. I really like you and would like to know who you are." You declare, hoping he understands that he as a person means more than everyone understanding her lifestyle choices. 

(END OF FLASHBACK) 

Tonight was the night you knew you wanted to understand him on an even more personal level. You knew that the way you felt for him wasn't a normal crush, wasn't even a normal type of love. You knew he had the power to hurt you if he wished to do so but that was so far in the back of your mind. He meant so much to you already that it didn't matter you two were keeping your relationship a secret from most of the world, apart from a select few. It was the best date of them all, Harry cooked you and your best friends dinner so when you got off work, dinner was on the table. He was always so thoughtful of your needs and you thought it was the time to prioritize his.

"Take me to bed Harry." You whimper, "I want you." 

*7 MONTHS LATER* 

Things were hectic in your life but that was the way they always were but now it seemed like days stretched past 24 hours and turned into a marathon sprint that never ended. 

The day Harry unmistakably broke you was the day that sleep had everything on you. Going for days on end was something you were accustomed to but after he cut you deeper than you could ever be, sleep seemed to be your only friend. 

You thought you knew him better than anyone. He was your Harry, your everything, even your person maybe? 

But when his decision to take his career to the next step interfered in your relationship, your life; that was the day to call it quits no matter the devastation. He may have been your soulmate but maybe, just maybe it wasn't right. The timing, the place of it all was just too much. Your life just didn't have room for much else, especially someone who was willing to hurt you unimaginably and not walk away in order to lessen the blow. 

*2 WEEKS BEFORE THE INEVITABLE *

"Hey sunshine, just calling to let you know I wont be able to make it home this time. I'm sorry, the label has me doing something that I'm not sure is a good idea but they say it will help me in the long run." He sighs at the end, I imagine him palming his forehead.

"Look, I need you to listen to me when I tell you that you are everything to me, you make me want to become the best version of myself. During the months we have been together I have seen the best and worst side of you and I'm not running, promise. I want you to be mine forever, do you hear me? Just remember that." Harry expelled.

That was two hours ago and within those two hours you knew it was best to stay off your phone. You keep telling yourself to not look for anything leading you to clues about his voice mail. It wasn't like him to express his feelings over the phone, he was an in person 'declare-my-love-for-you' type of man so when you listened to it you thought it was best to stay off your phone. 

Trailing off to the shower in pursuit of getting to work, you hear your phone's inescapable shrill from your bedroom and decide to opt away from contact to that thing. 

As soon as you leave for work is when your heart stops, skips a few beats and then plummets into your stomach. 

"Harry Styles in a relationship with Camille Rowe? That is the best thing I have heard all week. The star tells us that they met months ago and kept it a secret in order to get to know each other. We cant wait for updates on their relationship. Now on to the juic--" That's all you can hear for the rest of the day, ringing in your mind like it is an announcement on the P.A. at work for all to hear. 

You knew that was the end of everything. Devastation didn't even hit the mark, it was like everything in the world was on fast forward and you were still trying to get through the commercials. Nothing made sense any more, the glass was no longer half full. It was completely drained and then smashed on the ground into a million little pieces. That was how her whole body felt, like it was just shattered on the ground, irreparable. 

The damage was done and there was nothing holding you back from wailing like a siren in front of all of the patients waiting for surgery, but your best friends always had your back. Making sure you eat during lunch and taking you to the bar at the end of your shift so you can drink the bottle dry. 

Just shy of a half hour sitting at the bar was when you were cut-off by Harry running into the bar rambling about how he thought they were spinning the tabloids another way. 

"I thought they were going to report that we just met and were already dating, I would have never let them ruin what we had by saying I knew her while you and I were together. I told them exactly what to say! I don't even know her, we just met." He jumbles his sentences trying to get hold of his clear message. 

You stand up from your seated position and start motioning for him to join you outside. Once out there, you decide what is best moving forward. 

"While we were together?" You scoff, trying to be as civil as can be under your obvious exhaustion, throwing your hands up in exasperation.

"At least you said something truthful in the last two minutes you decided to interrupt my break. Yes, you and I are no longer together. Honestly we should have never started something, our careers couldn't be more opposite and honestly I cannot afford to ruin my career over someone who wants to build his on lies. So thank you for what we had but from now on I would like to move forward, away from you." You keep talking in order to get your point across, hoping that when all is said and done there will be closure on both ends. 

You know that Harry does care for you but in these last twenty four hours you've learned is that maybe you can't have it all. Maybe happily-ever-afters are only for the imagination. 

Maybe life throws things at you so you can overcome them but there are times like these when she wonders what the message is supposed to be? 

Is there a message? 

That you can have one person in your life that should be your forever but just cant fit in there? 

"I know we never said it but I do love you, I think I always will but we can't make it fit. The time we spent together was great and I hope there is a lesson in there somewhere. I can only believe that closure is what we need now." She grabs on to his shoulder and goes in for a hug to end the conversation but he pulls back,"How could you think that we need closure? What we need is each other. I need you, in my life with me forever. You are always going to be the only one for me, I just know it." He grabs on to her and holds for dear life, hoping that he can convey her to stick it out for them both. 

"I know what I'm feeling is selfish because I never want to hurt you but my career is part of my life and I can't run away from who I am but I want you in my life, always. I will never stop loving you." Harry pulls away and looks in her eyes with tears in his," I cannot fathom a life without my sunshine. Maybe the timing is wrong but cant we make it right?" 

[Y/N] pulls away, trying to compose herself and make the most rational decision. She needs to think about her life and what she needs, not anyone else. "Harry Styles, while being with you was the best rollercoaster ride of my life, and if I could stay on forever I would do so; I have to get off. I need to pull away for the sake of my head and heart. Being with you makes me happy but when it interferes with my work, which is saving lives, I have to be on one hundred percent all the time. You have clouded my thoughts and judgement, and while being a star is part of who you are, being a doctor is me so I cannot give up who I am. Sometimes maybe love isn't enough?" By this point you can't hold back the sobs you have held in since you knew the inevitable truth and holding them back would be foolish, so you let them come. 

Harry tries to grab onto you with the little strength he has left from crying and lack of sleep. "I cannot let you get away. You are my everything! I canno--" he tries to catch his breath in between the racks of his heart," please, please do not leave me [Y/N]. We can make this work. I love you and that is enough, it is enough for me. Please." Harry whispers the last part, crouching in front of you and trying to hold you to him. 

"It isn't enough for the both of us Harry, and you know it." You're trying to hold back until you can be alone. All you want is to crawl in bed and become dead to the world because that's how you feel right about now. " I will always love you and maybe one day that love will be enough but right now I just don't see how that is possible Harry. I can't rationalize what is happening in our relationship and tell you that we will make it through it. The best thing to do is cut our ties before we start to resent each other." You take one last breath, looking at your friends inside the bar. You signal to them that you're leaving, and say the one thing that you know will hurt the most. 

"I can't try anymore to be with you so this is my goodbye. I wish you the best Harry, I really do." In the middle of all this you had a death grip on his hands but now is the time to walk away from one of the best things to happen to you. As gut wrenching as it is, the best thing for the both of them was to move on. Worry about the time in their career when it is at the peak so as hurtful as it is, she knows that she is doing what's best. 

You pull away from his grasp, looking down at him kneeling on the ground and kiss his forehead. "I love you." You whisper through tears. 

All you can hear behind you is wails of sirens, drunk people cheering on the football game inside but the one thing that is the loudest is Harry's cries. As soon as you walk away you break down into a blubbering mess. Your friends catch up after you, while looking at the mess you and Harry made behind. You can hear Harry's cries of desperation and the only thing your heart is telling you to do is 'go back, go back to him' but you know it's not logical. 

If it is meant to be you will make it work at a better time. Things will come together and make sense one day but not when her mind is a fuzzy mess. Maybe weeks, months or years later she will understand what it means to have love be enough. It has to mean something right? 

Good byes may hurt but sometimes they are unsurpassable. Sometimes they come barreling into your life totally unexpected and ruin something you thought could be forever. 

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Hi Colour! How are you doing today? I don't know about doing meaningful things with my life, feel like I've just been surviving this entire time lol. However I am trying to figure it out and working on building the life I want to live and hopefully I will be able contribute to this world in some way.

I don't think I've ever played a game of trivial pursuit. Have never been to a pub either, not like the ones you have in the UK anyway. Just been to very dirty bars where me and my friends used to drink as much as we could afford, shared questionable food that could potentially make us sick the next day and there were no quizzes or games really haha. So your exp sounds way more fun! 😂

I'm glad you're giving the song a chance! Only Spotify knows how many times I've listened to it lol. I reckon Hozier's going to be my artist of the year for 2021. I love attributing works of art to Dani x Jamie, have a whole ass Pinterest board full with images of paintings, poetry, music and anything that I think relates to them really (yeah I know, I have a problem).

I love everything you've said about how Dani, Viola and the lady in the lake are alike, I hadn't really thought about their similarities before, but everything you've said makes perfect sense. I always saw Viola as a narcissist, even her drive to protect her child felt selfish in a way, don't know if you know what I mean. And when she fades away and becomes the lady she's just pure (almost animalistic) instinct while on auto pilot, bc she only remembers rage and abandonment, she takes anything on her path aggressively unless they're a child. So what she sees in Dani is not processed logically, right? It's pure instinct and emotions, so what she recognizes in her when Dani invites her in is the desperate need to protect this child, so she sees her as deserving. Perhaps she also saw in Dani and opportunity to escape this nightmare. Despite all her faults she didn't deserve what happened to her either.

And don't get me wrong, Jamie is so, so strong and solid and she is my favorite mostly bc I identify with her personality more than Dani's. But we know Jamie is all that even before we learn her story, and I feel like it is expected that she'll be the strong and brave one bc she's had to be that her entire life albeit unwillingly. But Dani? We expect her to break at any given point, I mean she is reaching her limit after all that's happened, with all the weight she's carrying. I remember thinking "Jesus, this girl needs help" when I first watched the show hahaha. But she fights every damn time, she doesn't run away and that's why I find her so fascinating. That's why I thought this song was so fitting. Even if Dani would never see herself that way. But it's Jamie's perspective (and fire signs tend to exaggerate everything 😂) so it feels fitting that she thinks so highly of her baby haha. Ugh I just wanted them to stay together forever. 🥺

Omg yes! I love how you refined this idea, good thing you're a writer and I'm not hahaha. And yeah I'm absolutely here for sapphics with weapons like holy shit imagine Jamie fighting with a sword? 🤤 I'm weak. Hahaha would be cool to see them in a pirate AU too! Maybe someone's already done it? Idk. But aaaah I want to see them in every possible universe hahaha. Makes me want to get back into drawing too. 😩

Aww you two sound like you have a lovely bond going on. Your niece sounds like the coolest! I started out drawing anime too when I was a kid and ended up doing graphic design for a living! How did learning how to draw anime style go for you today?

Hey I'm doing great thank you I hope you are too? I know that feeling because I feel like that's how I have made it to 27 just surviving (barely) and taking things one day at a time to get me to this point and hopefully I can contribute in some way even it its just a small way... so I totally get that feeling but I am sure you contribute so much without you even realising it!! Oh it's great but depending on how competitive the people you're playing with are it can get pretty heated... I've been in some heated games of it before because people just refuse to believe I know the answers to some of the questions and they think I've been cheating and have all but demanded I have another question asked instead of the one I got right... and pub quizzes can be fun again depending on the team you're in and how seriously you wanna take it I have been in teams where its been a serious thing and we have all desperately wanted to win and then I've been in teams and we've just had fun with it... all the pubs I go in are dirty bars too but sometimes they have pub quizzes... I have had many nights where I have drank what I can afford... one night me on my roommate went over board though and we ended up spending ALL our money even our taxi fair and we had to walk home in the dark along country roads with hardly any lights to guide us... because of how drunk we were it too us around 3-4 hours and I fell over a road sign and ended up in a ditch... I've had a lot of fun experiences but some really stupid ones as well... your experiences sound great though!! I would love that!! I listened to the song and I loved it so much!! I don't even wanna know what my most listened to artist will be this year... my money is on it being the Six musical soundtrack... probably All You Wanna Do from that musical I'll be surprised if it's anything else. I would love for it to be someone like Hozier, but ever since I have done my Spotify wrapped thing it's always been a musical of some kind that's been my number 1 song / artist haha I love doing the same thing. If I can make something fit Dani x Jamie I will like it doesn't even matter what it is haha... I don't think you have a problem I think that sounds so cool!! I have nothing like that. I just have a head full of random ideas screaming to be let out I agree Viola is definitely selfish and narcissistic and everything she did came from a place of anger and rage over the things that happened to her she fell in love and got married and had a child and saw her sister try and take that from her while she was ill and in the end her sister killed her. Like yeah, I do feel sorry for Perdita with the way she was treated but I do think everything Viola did was out of frustration over what was happening to her. Like you said she acts on auto pilot and only knows rage until it comes to children- because all she knows is she is looking for a child so when she saw Dani so selfless sacrifice herself for a child she saw a little bit of herself in Dani she knows Dani is a good person and she can relate to that protective streak and I think she did see Dani as deserving I definitely agree with everything you've said here. Viola might have had faults and flaws and who doesn't? But I definitely think she had it rough and did deserve better than she was given. I agree, you can tell looking at Jamie that she is strong and brave while Dani comes off as the exact opposite. But I think you see fully how brave they both are when Dani sacrifices herself for Flora and when Jamie offers to keep Dani company and loves her despite knowing she won't be able to love her forever. I love Jamie but definitely relate to Dani's personality more, there are a lot of things Dani does that I see myself in her because I have done those types of things myself and the whole beast in the jungle speech resonates with me so much and every time I watch the last episode and hear that speech I am a crying mess from that point on. It's funny that you thought that about Dani when you first watched it, because me and my sisters got my mum to

watch it and she said the same thing about Dani "she needs help" but then once told me she liked Dani because she reminded her of me that was an interesting conversation to be a part of "Dani needs help... but I like her she's like you." I was like "Thanks?" I agree this song is definitely more how Jamie would see Dani, I think Dani just has a very blasé view of herself, like I don't think she's self conscious or self deprecating in anyway but I think she sort of walks around like "this is me and this is just how I am" where as Jamie just sees Dani for how brave and strong and amazing she is- maybe even if as a fire sign she exaggerates a little bit haha Jamie just thinks Dani is the most amazing person in the world and I just know that Dani saw her the same way!! I really wanted them to be together forever... I am never going to emotionally recover from Bly Manor. Your idea was incredible and I think it would be a great story to read honestly that's the type of thing I live for!! OMG Jamie with a sword is just 🤤 🥵 I am all for sapphics and weapons of any kind!! There's this pirate AU which is absolutely amazing!! I don't know if you've read it or not but iamalekza writes some really great fics!! https://archiveofourown.org/works/28631598/chapters/70179306 ^^ Pirate AU I really wish I could draw I would love to be able to draw scenes from fics I have read and even ones I have written but I just don't have the skill set for that!! I would love to see other fan arts though I think drawing is such an incredible talent to have and I am in awe of anyone that can do it!! Me and my niece have a great bond, she's like a little mini me (despite almost being as tall as me). She is honestly such a cool kid I have a hell of a lot of fun with her- I'm looking after her again tomorrow and I have no idea what we're gonna do but we will figure something out... she's such a good drawer she's only just started doing it at the beginning of the year and she's really progressed with it... I however have not so I am definitely gonna need more practice. That's so cool that you started out doing anime drawing and then ended up going into a career in graphic design. Again that's a talent that I am just in awe of because it's just something I have never been able to do!!

[fictionalrambles]

Shadowhunters Fandom Story - Part Fifteen

Submitted by jwrites_

Five Favourite Fics:

1. What's It Gonna Be by @lemonoclefox

Why I love this fic: I'm a sucker for Pride & Prejudice. San was able to take that dynamic and put it all in a modern day telling of it. I can't count how many times I've read this. Sometimes I read it all the way through, other times I go and find my favorite parts just to get that rush of emotions it never fails to give. The enemies to lovers is done perfectly, the dialogue is great and flows seamlessly, the way she tied in the storyline between Simon, Isabelle, Valentine, and Alec together was genius. I truly love every word of this story.

Favorite scene: Awkward - love - confession - in -  the -  rain

Favorite quote(s):

(Yes. Love confessions are great but have you ever overheard someone say something rude about you and then have the opportunity later that same night to be able to casually call that person out for their comment?)

"Her friend is..." He trails off, as though searching for the word, and Magnus can imagine him gesturing in the meantime. "Interesting," Jace eventually settles on, pointedly.

"Who, that Bane guy?" Alec says, and as he does, Magnus is hit with a wave of intrigued surprise. Does Alec like men? Interesting. The assumption could be wrong, of course, but Jace's tone implies that that's why he's mentioning it. "He's a bit over the top, don't you think?"

He sounds almost disdainful as he says it, as though Jace's mere suggestion is laughable, and Magnus's intrigue immediately shifts to offended annoyance. He straightens a little where he stands, reluctantly affected by it.

--

"I mean, love songs are great," Magnus admits lightly. "But stringing a few pretty words together does seem a bit unoriginal when everyone does it."

Simon shoves him lightly in offense, and Magnus can't help but laugh.

"Then what do you suggest?" Magnus is taken completely by surprise when he realizes that it's Alec who's speaking, and he turns to him. The guy's expression is neutral, but seems genuinely curious.

"Oh, I don't know," Magnus says, swirling his drink around in his glass. He shrugs. "I suppose I'm more a fan of showing and not telling. I'd much prefer someone showing interest in what I like and who I am, than comparing my eyes to the night sky, and whatnot." He gestures airily, then hesitates. He suddenly can't seem to stop himself, the memory of the Lightwoods' overheard conversation bubbling to the surface. "I think most people can appreciate that. Even if some of us are a bit over the top."

--Okay...I'm gonna go ahead and throw in a love confession~

"Look, I don't expect anything from you," he says, as though the words are hard to say. "You've made your feelings pretty clear, and I respect that. But I heard you talked to my mom, and with the stuff you said to her... I guess it just kind of made me a bit hopeful, or something. A bit." He clears his throat, while Magnus just listens. He turns to watch Alec's profile as the young man struggles to find the words, eyes on the view in front of him. "Either way, I'll admit that how I feel hasn't really changed. Maybe it should have, but..."

Alec shakes his head, and Magnus feels his throat go dry. He wants to interrupt Alec, wants to say and show everything that's bursting out of his chest, but he waits. Alec takes a deep breath then, turns to him. He looks determined.

"If you want me to," he says steadily, "I'll go. I'll leave you alone, I promise. You won't hear from me again." He pauses, licks his lips. "But if you don't want me to, if something has changed since last time, somehow... I'd really like to know. Because that would be pretty great."

2. 42 North 71 West by @lecrit​

Why I love this fic: I was blessed with the opportunity to witness Lu working on this fic from its conception to its end. I was there and still I am blown away at the way she was able to work the time jumps. I remember thinking with every chapter I read, 'Wow. The way she is telling this story is amazing. She is amazing.' Lu has a way of presenting so much honesty in her characters. She writes them in a way that feels so real, that you can't help but understand their fears and hesitations even though it hurts. The story is a back and forth told through scenes set in the past and present. You get to see what they were and where they are. The story is beautifully heartbreaking. And she was able to make me enjoy a story that dealt with politics? What? Sorcery, I tell you. -- also, the bench.

Favorite scene: This was almost impossible to choose and I took way too long trying to pinpoint just one. But I'm going to go with one that I hold very dear. When Magnus goes to visit Alec on his birthday and he finds Alec playing the song he only plays when he's sad. That's all I'm going to say because I don't want to spoil~

Favorite quote(s):

“Magnus,” Alec breathes out.

The name feels almost foreign, as if he hadn’t uttered it in too long and now his mind is troubling to catch up with his mouth. Still, it manages to make Alec’s heart stutter.

--

“We should’ve stayed on that bench in Boston,” he murmurs.

--

The good thing is, he knows where to go to find his way back. It is inked on his body, engraved into his soul, sealed into his heart.

3. Lead The Way by Clockworkswan

Why I love this fic: Because it takes the wonderful adventure of Doctor Who and packs it in with Malec. This is the ultimate fun and feel good but you will also cry at one point fic. I always go back to it if I want a wonderfully written Doctor Magnus and his adorable companion Alec. Seriously, even if you're not into Doctor Who, give this fic a shot. It's written in a way that you will get so caught up in the adventure that you won't even realize it's based on something else. And if you're a Doctor Who fan, you're in luck with all the little Easter Eggs Heather left throughout.

Favorite scene: I really don't want to spoil anything. The planet of Ablorix. This will mean nothing if you don't read the fic (so you should ;])

Favorite quote(s):

Magnus extends a hand. It’s just like before, when they were in the hallway a couple of weeks ago. It’s just as inviting as it was the first time.

“How about it, pretty boy? Name a star. Any one will do. Or a date,” Magnus says. The double meaning is evident when he winks. He pauses then, and his expression shifts, growing solemn.

A clear shift in his demeanour happens. Magnus turns from playful to sincere in the blink of an eye. Although, there was also a serious tone to it. Magnus looks at him, and understanding eyes meet Alec’s hesitant ones. “Alexander, you seem like a man in need of a break, and I am very much a man in need of a friend. Adventures are always a quick way in figuring out what you want. What do you say?”

What does he say?

He says yes.

Of course Alec does.

--

Before Magnus can think of a good retort, he tries to ignore the clenching ache his stomach gives at the sight of a confident, smirking Alec Lightwood watching him so openly. He settles for pointing in a random direction. “I have to go and see a dog about a man. Meet back here in five?”

“Uh, isn’t the expression, ‘see a man about a dog’?”

“Not when the dog ran off with the man’s wife. A rather big scandal, it seems. The president wants me to try and step in. Smooth things over, so to speak.”

At that, Alec just stares blankly.

Magnus holds up a finger. “Yes, this is normal for me. No, you may not come along. Go.”

4. Love & Other Drugs prequel of Our Love Is A Harsh Chord in the Semi-charmed Kind Life series by @la-muerta​

Why I love this fic: I'm kind of cheating here by listing two fics but they're a package deal. Love & Other Drugs was a smutty one-shot that left me wanting

more...

backstory. Let me tell you the pining and 'unrequited' love between those two demanded a story to be written. Which is why when la_muerta ran a poll on whether or not she should start it or another series first, I campaigned for this one like it was my job (I lost but I still got the series eventually so did I really lose?) The writing in this and with all of la_muerta's fics will hook you. The sadness over the back and forth between them is done so well. It's angst that will grip you and hold onto you until you eventually finish. Just go on the twitter hashtag of #OLIAHCfic and see my screaming.

Favorite scene: Probably the LSD scene.

Favorite quote(s):

Alec was still here, in bed with him.

How many times had Magnus wished that he could wake up with Alec in his arms? He didn't dare to move, wanting the dream to last a little longer, but Alec was already stirring.

--

he'll wonder if life would be a little easier if he wasn't hopelessly in love with Magnus, but it is a fact of who he is now: Alec Lightwood is 6'3, has dark hair, is gay, and is in love with Magnus Bane.

--

They are lying next to each other now, turned on their sides and face to face. The world is no longer warped and weird, but glowing and perfect. Magnus is tracing a path of lightning down Alec's body with his fingertips, and in a moment of clarity Alec understands that in Magnus' eyes he is as beautiful as he thinks Magnus is (it is the first thing Alec forgets when he wakes up sober later).

--

Words aren't enough to express how he feels, but they've always understood each other better when clumsy words don't get in the way.

5. The Lonely Hearts Hotline by @unrestrainedlyexcessive​

Why I love this fic: It's funny, it's endearing, it's heart wrenching, it's sexy, etc. The way Alec is written in this fic is one of my favorite characterizations. The way his situation can resonate with so many young adults today. That feeling when you're an adult and you feel like you should know what to do with your life and who you should be but the truth is, you're still just as lost as always. Being an adult sucks tbh and even when you're an adult, sometimes life doesn't quite feel like it. Alec's character and growth in this fic is beautiful. (I also really loved Jace in this fic)

Favorite scene: A tough choice. Probably the office party and follow up scene in Magnus' office.

Favorite quote(s):

The problem with being a new grad, in general, is that the world and job force demands you have experience, but you have to live a certain number of productive years on the planet to gain that experience.

Early adulthood is no man's land. You don’t have the experience to matter and no one wants to pay you to gain it, hence how he ended up in the precarious situation he’s in: dodgy sex work by night, an even dodgier roommate, and desperately hoping an internship eventually turns into an actual paying job.

--

Magnus runs his tongue down the knobs of Alec's spine. "You're so beautiful," he says, pausing.

"I'm really not," Alec insists, eyes fluttering closed.

"Why are you so kind to everyone except yourself?"

"I'm a work in progress."

"Aren't we all?"

[lie---ability]

for too many times in my life had i been wrong about people. so much that anyone who tries to have anything with me makes me anxious. i even get anxious about my upcoming job at Virus & Partners because new people = chances of any of them hurting me. i have been wrong about people so much that i think it's because i idealize them so much. i mean an example could be us hanging out everyday, do a lot of things together, stay out late together, ditch others for each other, chat each other right after being together the entire day, say i love you and get home safe — and i'd think we're best friends!!! only for her to say we never were. and that she never wanted to be close with someone like me. so it must be me, right? maybe i just fell in love with the thought that she's a great best friend. at the same time i think, no. she was a best friend, she did exist. that version of her existed. or at least did when it was convenient or beneficial to her, but when the time came where it wasn't, she threw me under the bus, become totally different from who i loved. who i proudly said was my best friend. all those months that built up my comfort, trust, attachment — ended up being told as a lie. and if it came from the person herself that they were lies, who am i to say she's just saying that for whatever reason? she said it herself. we weren't best friends even if she said it before. so what was the truth? was i just really stupid and idealistic? or are people just so awful now? it's like i'm this fish in a pond who's so easy to catch with just the right amount of treat. like i'd swim away when you approach but try a bit more and i'd fall for it. attachment issues suck, more so my abandonment issues.

but this post isn't about jodie. this is about my first boyfriend, rikko.

first because rj doesn't count, the fuck? that shit was a joke lol i just got a dose of reality at an early age. no love there at all. who even falls in love at 13? that shit illegal. so yes, rikko is my first boyfriend ♥️ and even though i've dated guys before, he's the only one i ever loved so far. i love him so much. in fact, before i was already starting to think that maybe i'm not capable of love? i mean, i'm aware i'm a mean person. but i didn't think of myself as someone incapable of falling in love. but among the guys i met and dated, ALL OF THEM WERE JUST TO FEED MY EGO. ego ego ego. tell me i'm pretty. keep asking me to go out and let me reject you over and over again. show me how much you wanna take me out on a date again. over and over and all of them were unintended! when i do talk to someone, a part of me tries! maybe this could work? but it kept ending the same way. ego food. which led me to think fuckkk i'm incapable of loving too? what am i here for then tfuck? — until i met rikko! and everything he did and said, i wanted more of it. the more he laughed, the more he cried, i wanted to keep seeing them, even if he laughs/cries for the same reasons over and over. i wanted the things he wanted. i wanted to like the shit he liked, and i did! i hated touch but i love being held by him. he was expressive too! like the other boys! but for some reason, it wasn't ego food. they became credit scores for me. each time he gets a point, it adds up to my reasons why this is it! why this is worth a try! and i struggled and fought hard. the commitment and daddy issues, the anxiety, the fear of abandonment, blah blah and he did and said the right things at the right time he went at the right places, gave the right gifts, promised the right things — all for him to turn out to be just like everybody else. he died months into my life. he couldn't keep up with the character he played, and idk why people keep playing a character on me. jodie played the supportive bff but really wanted to be some sort of main character which i think is rather difficult hence the hurtful betrayal. and then there's rikko, who played the boy i could ever want, but never was that person. he never was that person to his parents and friends, and i thought he would suddenly change for me? that's some boss level pick me girl shit. i love rikko, even now as i type this. i met him january 2020, it's july 29, 2021 today, and i love him so much. but i'm not sure if i should be with him anymore. on principle, morals, self-care, common sense, logic, religion. why? because he died. he died last january 2021. he's no longer the same rikko i fell for. his hands aren't the ones i fought myself to hold. he's not the same person who went all the way from paranaque to cainta for me at 8pm because my dad told me he almost had another baby with someone ON MY BIRTHDAY. he's not the same person i looked at up at Sm Aura thinking he could be the one. and that i belong here, with him. that i love being with him, and he could be other things, but i want to be with him. he didn't know it, but looking at him as he talked about his friends, those things ran in my head. it was the same rikko who got teary eyed when he misunderstood me there at the Sm Aura rooftop, thinking i meant that i was just playing him. the rikko who gave me a necklace for no reason, wore it on me and even had it in a totally unsuspecting case (tea bag) which made the surprise funnier and cuter, is... yep... no longer here. the rikko who kept reminding me i'm redeemable, that i'm not my anxieties, i'm not my bad brain, i'm not my small voice, that rikko is long gone. and still i stayed waiting, making excuses, reasoning out with myself, trusting that he'd come back and funny enough, 7 months in and... he's still gone.

the saddest part is he doesn't want to be like that. or so i think. he tries. i see him trying. i see the efforts. he tries to ask me about my day, about my worries, why i'm anxious, why i'm sad or irritated. he asks me about work, applications and when i'm out with friends or family. he tries to make time for me even now that he prefers valorant over ml with me, i know he tries to play ml with me. he tries to take some time off work to talk to me. he tries to post on social media now, shares my ig stories, joins my tiktoks and get along with my jokes. he tries. i know he does. but that's the thing. he has to try. and maybe those things, he just isn't. and the difference between trying and develop is with development, there is direction. there is progress. with rikko... it's unstable. sometimes he can do this, but the next times not so sure. and as someone anxious with rejection and abandonment issues, inconsistencies are okay, but a lot of them? and major ones? NOTHING GOOD WILL COME OF IT. so many things rikko doesn't know and still he has it in him to say or assume a lot of things about me. one of them is when he said i'm ALWAYS annoyed at him. does he know how many times i get annoyed at things he do? but i don't address all of them not because i don't want to but because i acknowledge that they're not worth the fight or i'm just being hotheaded or immature or maybe inconsiderate. i think first before i act on him because if i learned anything about rikko, emotions have to make sense! which is wrong in the first place but that's who i'm with! but at the times i can't help being tampo, annoyed, or upset, he finds it in him to tell me i'm a l w a y s annoyed? WHEN?!?! i even asked him when and i know he realized it but still he fell stubborn to his pride. does he also know that his gifts don't make me kilig anymore? they just relieve me at this point which is sad!!! fucking sad!!! why? for example, for my virtual college graduation i was getting anxious few days before because i'm worried he won't give me anything or do something for me which will surely trigger my ~neglected issues~ and if i do get triggered, instead of addressing and being there for me, instead of making it up to me, he'd get mad! he'd make me feel that i'm asking for so much, for the impossible, all while i see it happen to people. i see other dudes give their girlfriends things without occasion. i see them try to like the things their girlfriends like, even embarrassing ones that she posts on social media. i see men constantly expressing their love for their gfs, for the person they asked to commit to them. all while i have one who would call me demanding, needy and exhausting. imagine? lol i get anxious he won't fulfill me not because i'd get sad but because he'll get mad when i get upset. he'd make me feel awful and remind me of the reason why we should end. and i hate that. i'm fighting so hard to take it off my mind, i hate thinking that we're incompatible, unhappy and that we're just trying to revive this love we have for each other. that love really isn't enough, even for us. so when he got me this bouquet for graduation, i was 95% relieved and 5% kilig because awwwww but more importantly, I WON'T BE TAMPO WHICH MEANS I WON'T HAVE TO HIDE AND HE WON'T HAVE TO GET ANNOYED AT ME BEING UPSET! as i type this all the more i feel bad because it's so clear i shouldn't be with him anymore. it hurts each time it crosses my mind. i really see rikko as the love of my life. and idk why. because he shouldn't be. the love of your life should be someone who makes you laugh, makes you strong but can also let you cry. the love of your life is the one who holds you on your way out of dark times. the love of your life is the one who corrects you in ways that won't make you feel bad, but in ways that make you feel cared for. that he's telling you so out of concern, not because he thinks you're a difficult sick mental person who needs an on-call therapist and an attending nurse. the love of your life should be the person who makes you cry the least.

but he doesn't deserve it also. maybe he's not ready to be in a relationship just yet. and there was no harm in trying. in fact i'm happy he tried because if he hadn't added me on facebook and hit up on instagram, i would have never known what love was like. i would also have never known how fun and exciting it is to be in love. it's so nice actually! to lie down with someone and just know they'll be there when you wake up and even if you do wake up in the middle of the night, you're safe with them. and no matter what you look like in the morning or how loud you snore or how stretched you are in bed, you are loved by this person next to you. and they chose to sleep with you too. to be as vulnerable as you are. and i loved that with rikko. we sleep together, we wake up in between sleep just to look for each other's cheeks, we shower together, we do weird shower dances, we have secret baby things, and a lot more things that you would think from here on meant forever. because these things, how could you ever try them again with someone else? because from where i am right now I HATE THE THOUGHT OF THOSE WITH ANYONE WHO'S NOT RIKKO. but stay with him for what? for what at this point? i'm not God. i'm just an anxious person with daddy issues who has enough money hunger and dreams plus a mom, aunts and 1 friend who loves rikko so much. i can't change him. and i shouldn't.

[babygirlkiki1016]

Caught

The Lynnwood Inn, which was our next stop. However after the Wendigo situation, Deans been treating me differently, he's been flirting with me. There's something up with him, I thought, was it because of the night in motel? Or the kiss after the Wendigo mission. I look over at him to notice there is a mostly empty plate in front of Dean, who is circling obituaries in a newspaper. An attractive waitress, whose nametag says Wendy, approaches.

"Can I get you anything else?" She asks mostly focusing on Dean. Dean looks up, sees the waitress then goes back to the news paper as Sam comes over and sits down.

"Just the check, please." Sam orders.

"Okay." And Wendy walks away.

"You know Dean I'm surprised you weren't flirting with the waitress." I say, Dean points to Wendy walking away, who's wearing short shorts.

"Well you see her, she's not my type."

"Dude every girl is your type." Sam laughs.

"Not every girl, I highly doubt-" I point to myself "-girls like me are his type."

"If you believe that then your wrong darling." He winks at me. "And the two of you are talking like I'm not here." Sam looks at me, then at Dean who hands him the newspaper.

"Here, take a look at this, I think I got one. Lake Manitoc, Wisconsin. Last week Sophie Carlton, eighteen, walks into the lake, doesn't walk out. Authorities dragged the water, nothing. Sophie Carlton is the third Lake Manitoc drowning this year. None of the other bodies were found either. They had a funeral two days ago."

"A funeral?" Sam asks.

"Yeah, it's weird, they buried an empty coffin. For, uh, closure or whatever."

"How is that closure? If the coffins empty then the body is still out there. Doesn't sound like closure at all."

"You have a point there Y/n, also your hair is green." Sam points out, I groan and pull up my hoodie to hide my hair while Sam takes more notes. "Back to the topic. People don't just disappear, Dean. Other people just stop looking for them."

"Something you want to say to me?" Dean growled.

"The trail for Dad. It's getting colder every day."

"Sam's right Dean, it seems like whereever we go he was never there-" Dean silences me with his the wave of his hand.

"So what are we supposed to do?"

"I don't know. Something. Anything." Sam huffs.

"You know what? I'm sick of this attitude. You don't think I wanna find Dad as much as you do?"

"Yeah, I know you do, it's just-"

"I'm the one that's been with him every single day for the past two years, while you've been off to college going to pep rallies. We will find Dad, but until then, we're gonna kill everything bad between here and there. Okay?" Sam rolls his eyes, making Dean walk out of the Inn, shaking his head in disappointment. We left the Inn a few hours later, and the three of us made our way to our next case. Sam was in the back sleeping, while me and Dean were in the front.

"....So...." Dean suddenly says, desperately trying to strike up a conversation. "Are we gonna talk about it?"

"....Talk about what?"

"The kiss."

"....What kiss?"

"The one you gave me a few days ago, after we saved Haley and her brothers. I know you wanted to kiss me but you decided against it." My heart started pounding, what was there to talk about? I had a bad feeling of how this was gonna go.

"Dean-"

"Y/n I....I want to ok? Your....You make me feel...." He glances over at me, then travels down to my hand that's resting in my thigh. He slowly grabs it, and squeezes like I'll disappear.

"I make you feel what?...." I say getting his attention again.

".....I don't know, but when I'm around you I have this sick like feeling-a good sick like feeling. I've never felt this way before...but sadly we can't your still a kid and if we were to, ya know."

"I understand."

"I will promise you this, when you turn eighteen, I'm gonna give you a kiss you'll never forget. And one after that, and one after that, and one after that." He smiles but doesn't let go of my hand, and neither do I. We sat there for hours, just enjoying each other's company, hoping that this moment would never end.

~

When we got to Wisconsin, we make our way up to the house that belong to the Carlton's. Dean knocks on the door and a man opens it.

"Will Carlton?" Dean asks.

"Yeah, that's right."

"I'm Agent Ford, this is Agent Hamill and Samson. We're with the US Wildlife Service." Dean holds up an ID, Will leads us around the house and I notice that a man is sitting on a bench on the dock.

"She was about a hundred yards out." Will says. "That's where she got dragged down."

"And you're sure she didn't just drown?" Dean asks.

"Yeah. She was a varsity swimmer. She practically grew up in that lake. She was as safe out there as she was in her own bathtub.

"So no splashing? No signs of distress?" I questioned.

"No, that's what I'm telling you."

"So she was just pulled down but never came back up? Like kind of a shark attack?"

"Yea..."

"Did you see any shadows in the water? Maybe some dark shape breach the surface?" Sam wondered.

"No. Again, she was really far out there."

"You ever see any strange tracks by the shoreline?" Dean says.

"No, never. Why? Why, what do you think's out there?"

"We'll let you know as soon as we do." As Dean heads back to the car Sam catches up to me.

"So, you and my brother huh?" He smirks.

"We're not together."

"Yet, that's right I heard your conversation." My cheeks begin to burn, and my hair turns purple.

"So you were pretend sleeping?" You could hear the fear in my voice.

"No I tried to sleep, I just happened to overhear how Dean is gonna give you a kiss you'll never forget, and one after that, and one after that-"

"Shut up!" I push him lightly with my cheeks burning, he laughs as I walk even faster. We get back in the car, the next stop was the police station. It was silent, but I could feel Sam looking between me and Dean from the back seat.

"Can I help you Sam?" Dean demanded.

"Nope." Sam said with a smile, he was thinking about me and Dean.

"You keep looking at me then at Y/n."

"He heard our conversation Dean." I confess, Dean smirks and looks back at his brother.

"Sam you sly dog!"

"What, it's not my fault you two are loud talkers."

"Oh that's bullshit! You didn't sleep cause you wanted to know if something was gonna happen!" I laugh.

"Well something did...cause when it's your birthday-"

"Shut up Sam!" Me and Dean yelled in chorus.

~

The station was small, but somewhat cozy. I looked around as Dean introduced us as the Wildlife Service.

"Now, I'm sorry, but why does the Wildlife Service care about an accidental drowning?" Jake Devin's, the sheriff asked.

"You sure it's accidental? Will Carlton saw something grab his sister." Sam replies and we follow the sheriff into his office.

"Like what?" Jake motions to chairs in front of his desk. "Here, sit, please. There are no indigenous carnivores in that lake." Sam sits down while Dean offers the other seat to me. I smile at the gesture and kiss his cheek before I sat down. "There's nothing even big enough to pull down a person, unless it was the Loch Ness Monster."

"Yeah." Dean chuckles and Sam glances over at him.

"Will Carlton was traumatized, and sometimes the mind plays tricks." Jake sits down and continues. "We dragged that entire lake. We even ran a sonar sweep, just to be sure, and there was nothing down there."

"That's weird, though, I mean, that's, that's the third missing body this year." I state. "There had to be something there, Sophie Carlton was a varsity swimmer. There's no way she drowned...."

"I know. These are people from my town. These are people I care about." The sheriff admits, he seemed sad, but yet had a somewhat guilty look on his face. "Anyway..." Jake sighs. "All this...it won't be a problem much longer."

"What do you mean?" Sam leaned forward, obviously interested.

"Well, the dam, of course."

"Of course, the dam. It's, uh, it sprung a leak." Dean says, trying to make the conversation less awkward.

"It's falling apart, and the feds won't give us the grant to repair it, so they've opened the spillway. In another six months, there won't be much of a lake. There won't be much of a town, either. But as Federal Wildlife, you already knew that."

"Exactly, sorry it's been a long week." I apologize as a young woman, taps on the door.

"Sorry, am I interrupting?" She asks, me and Sam stand up knowing that it's time to probably leave. "I can come back later."

"Gentlemen, this is my daughter." The Sherrif says and I hold out my hand to her.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Y/n." We shake hands.

"Andrea Barr, Hi." She greets.

"They're from the Wildlife Service. About the lake." Andrea's father explains.

"Oh." Then a boy, walks in around Andrea. "Oh, hey there. What's your name?" I ask, with a smile but he walks away without speaking and Andrea follows, we do the same.

"His name is Lucas." She says and gives him some crayons out of a box.

"Is he okay?" Sam worried.

"My grandson's been through a lot, we all have." Jake stands and goes to the office door. "Well, if there's anything else I can do for you, please let me know."

"Thanks. You know, now that you mentioned it, could you point us in the direction of a reasonably priced motel?" Dean asks.

"Lakefront Motel. Go around the corner. It's about two blocks south." Andrea comments. "I'm headed that way anyway. So I'll walk you there."

"I think we can find it just fine." I say, Sam looks at me and smirks, he knew. I was jealous, she nods with a frown on her face and turns to Jake. "I'll be back to pick up Lucas at three." She turns to Lucas. "We'll go to the park, okay, sweetie?" Andrea kisses him on the head.

"Thanks again." Sam smiles and we walk out the door, Andrea walks outside with us.

"So, cute kid." Dean comments.

"Thanks." She says, then points south. "Like I said, two blocks, that way."

"Thanks." Sam says and she smiles at Dean. "Must be hard, with your sense of direction, never being able to find you a good pick up line." And with that she leaves while calling back over her shoulder. "Enjoy your stay!" Sam slaps Deans shoulder "'Kids are the best'? You don't even like kids."

"I love kids." Dean looks at Sam like he's offended.

"Name three children that you even know."

"Y/n?" He wraps an arm around me, with a smile on his face thinking he won this argument.

"She's older than Lucas, she's not a little kid anymore."

"She acts like a kid."

"Seriously?! I'm right here!" I rant, Dean rubs my head but I push his hand away playfully.

"See? Your pouting, and your short to." He chuckles. "Anyways let's get to that motel, we have work to do."

~

As soon as we got our room I grabbed some clothes and instantly claimed the bathroom. Sam went to get some food for us so it was just me and Dean. It had been a while since I felt hot water run down my back, and damn did it feel good. Sadly I had to get out and go back to reality, when I exited the bathroom Dean was watching Dr. Sexy. I put my stuff down and settled next to Dean.

"So Dr. Sexy?" I asked, I could hear him hum in response. "Well that doctor is pretty hot."

"The girl or guy?"

"Both are good looking."

"Hm." I look over at him, he was staring at me.

"What?"

"Nothing...." He turns off the TV and sits on the edge of the bed, tiredly rubbing his face. I moved to his side, worried.

"Dean are you ok?" I put my hand on his, caressing it gently. He looks back at me, those eyes we're filled with...lust. He didn't take his eyes off of me. I scooted closer to him, making him blush at how close we were but he stayed focused on me.

"You know what?" He mutters.

"Hm?" I wondered, as he slowly got closer to me. "Screw it." Not even five seconds later he grabbed my waist and pulled me against him, smashing his lips against mine. I instantly kissed back, my hands traveling through his hair as he pulled me onto his lap. His rough lips went together with mine like a puzzle, he was kissing me with passion. This was it...our moment, the moment I had been waiting for. I tugged at his shirt, which he immediately took off, then his lips merged with mine once more. I could feel him smile, was he happy? Didn't he want to wait since I was to young? Who cares, who the hell cares right now, I focused my thoughts back on Dean who flipped us over. Now he was on top of me, kissing down my neck, making me moan.

"Dean?" Sam called out, making us both stop and slowly look over at him. He was holding our chinese food with a surprised look upon his features.

The New Hunter Masterlist

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