#that's not nothing

[victorluvsalice]

-->With the selling day finally done, I had Smiler take a moment to tune up Marm (whose durability was slowly failing) while Victor and Alice cleaned up all the out-of-stock signs around the store, then sent everyone home at 9 PM. An exhausted Victor was promptly sent to bed, while Alice finished off the final bites of her spinach frittata from lunch before it went bad (as she could super-speed her way to it faster than it could spoil) before joining him. Smiler, feeling flirty thanks to the nearness of their partner, wandered into the living room to sculpt the bonsai there into a heart, while Marm cleaned up Alice’s plate for her, took a moment to pet Shock (making friends with the cat, aw), then flew outside to rake up all the leaves falling around the property, with a quick break to feed Toothy. *nods* Good robot. I thus sent Smiler to play chess once they were done with the bonsai (mostly because they’d swapped moods from Flirty to Focused, and they could use the Logic) and prepared to end the day –

-->And then I noticed that the ENTIRE FUCKING WIND FARM was broken again. *sigh* These turbines, I swear... Cue me waking Victor up to Repairio the lot of them, and Alice waking up in turn to react to his magic skills. Which would have annoyed me more if they weren’t already both at full energy thanks to their amazing bed. XD So instead of forcing them to go back to sleep, I sent Alice downstairs to read a werewolf book (she wanted to read a book as a want, and I figured I might as well try to unlock the werewolf power that lets her read secret werewolf writings), and set Victor on upgrading one of the upstairs bathroom sinks with an automatic soap dispenser. Meaning the session actually ended on Marm stopping his raking to get in some more recharge time in the backyard, and Victor completing the sink upgrade and getting maxed Handiness skill in the process! Yay! :D

And that is that! As you can see, Marm is still having a little trouble finding his place in this family. Partly because I'm still adjusting to having four Sims to take care of, not three, and partly because he spends a good portion of every day unconscious for one reason or another. *shakehead* But he is still part of this family, and we will make it work! Perhaps a family-focused holiday will help him fit in better? Join us next time to see how the gang handles Harvestfest!

[ssaalexblake]

having actual trouble watching this movie bc the subject is pissing me off. So, good movie! Gonna be annoyed about it tho. Maybe it's not a good relax before bed choice though.

[mbrainspaz]

✨

In my youth the thought of living my life alone didn't just seem bad, it was inconceivable. Not only was I always around big groups of friends and family, but so much of the way I lived my life; the value I placed on relationships, the standards I held myself to, the late night philosophizing, the photo albums I kept, the journaling, all the little movies I made—it was all built around the imperative of sharing my life with someone special. The other person that society and religion told me I would definitely have someday. I believed back then that I was half of something. I stopped expecting a soulmate as soon as I started dating. I redoubled my attempts at sharing the media of my life with family and friends, as if by witnessing my life experience through my little movies and stories they could somehow fill the void I had built for another soul and validate my existence. To my frustration their clear lack of understanding and their disregard for the things I shared often only highlighted the distance between us and deepened my loneliness. I told myself I was being pathetic for needing attention the way I did but the need to be seen—not just noticed but witnessed in a visceral way I still struggle to even articulate—wouldn't go away.

In time I realized I was already a whole person and this was horrific in it's own way because I still wasn't enough. I had god the whole time too of course, the imaginary friend who supposedly had infinite attention to give. He, of course, was never great with feedback. Neither were any of my other imaginary friends. I turned to the internet and got some small satisfaction from playing the attention games of social media. Hundreds, sometimes thousands, of views and little likes from a few friends and the faceless masses were enough to numb the creeping sense of isolation for a while.

In my early to mid 20's I entered such a deep and complete period of loneliness that sometimes I saw my soul floating in a black void. Wether I imagined god there with me there or not didn't particularly matter. This vivid hallucination that tormented me, particularly on days spent alone at my desk or while eating food I had cooked for myself alone, was punctuated by magnesium flares of connection as friends would visit or family would check in on me. Sometimes having their sudden brightness so close stung more sharply than the slow ache of the void. I never had the resources to visit them. Between my poverty and the astronomical cost of travel they might as well have been living in distant galaxies. When they inevitably vanished again and I was left alone I did my best to imagine looking out past the black void to see them shining on like constellations. A whole universe of my little stars. I loved watching their stories too. I wished I could get closer, see every little detail. I longed to see them the way I wanted to be seen, but they were all so far away. I let their presence comfort me as I drifted through space. I turned inward to my stories full of characters with the soul connections I craved.

Then the stars started blinking out. Oh, sometimes new distant lights would appear, beautiful and unreachable, but I could see the vast canvas of space around me getting darker. Some of the oldest stars in the sky were tired of watching me. Some told me they never really cared about me or my stories. They only liked their idea of me, which turned out to be nothing like me at all—a feeble distorted frozen image captured years ago. Did they loose sight of me back then or did they never really try to see me? Just like god being there, did it make a difference either way? If they had really seen me, would it have mattered?

My purpose shifted again but there was nothing to do except keep writing my story where connections were real and keep broadcasting the 24/7 livestream of Me. Send it out with a wink and a thumbs up. I'm doing great. I'm doing fine. I'm not but I'm still making this thing that matters to me. I still exist. Do you? Sometimes while trawling social media for glimmers of old friends a notification would pop up with a message from one of those distant stars. I was noticed, however briefly. I was glimpsed. Still alone but seen. Shining cold and brilliant from afar. A star, not a soul.

[kitsnicket]

[lovely-v]

It’s crazy and fucked up that being yourself is actually the solution.

[vamprisms]

kill 'character did nothing wrong'. nurture 'character did everything wrong and i was whooping and cheering the whole time'

[phosphorus-noodles]

Reblog to let your followers know that they’re safe from jumpscares/screamers/etc from you on April 1st but they are NOT safe from getting boop’d like an idiot amen

[iiota]

refraining from a lot of election joke posting and instead I just donated $55 USD to gaza soup kitchen and i encourage anyone else to consider donating even a couple of dollars to the people who will be affected the most from whatever outcome happens

you can also donate to care for gaza here

EDIT: please also consider donating to this family their 93% to their goal!! and also please check out this post featuring more places to donate

[valdotpng]

an accomplice turned victim his apology, long overdue

[dsmsix]

thought I was muted and just had this exchange with a coworker on a zoom call

[duckysprouts]

i need everyone to understand the poetry of curly turning a blind eye to anya’s suffering only to be robbed of his autonomy and voice as she was and then forced to observe jimmy’s crimes and the abuse of his own body

[apollos-boyfriend]

i was cuddling with my boyfriend last night when his shoulder started tensing up (like he was readjusting or gently pushing me off) and when i asked him if he was okay or needed me to move or something he went “no you’re fine, i was just imagining myself pulling a large rope. i didn’t even realize my shoulder was doing that lmao” then refused to elaborate and i have never been as attracted to him as i was in that moment.

[starridge]

why did you do it

[darkwood-sleddog]

if you're waking up like me thinking "where do we even go from here?"

you:

build community & involve yourself locally

learn self sustainability skills

choose kindness

protect others & yourself

join or build a mutual aid group and/or network

find time for small joys (the arts, cooking a meal you love, spending time with loved ones, etc.)

[s1xseasonsandamov1e]