#that's literally kitty noah

[hedonists]

I can’t and won't get over this cat sticker

[lunavrse]

WHAT YOU HEARD

LANDO NORRIS

summary ★ : streets are saying yn finally broke up with her loser boyfriend and guess who couldn't be happier? if you guessed lando, you'd be wrong, it's actually her (but lando's a really close second).

category ★ : smau.

notes ★ : disregard all times and dates, they don't matter. all spelling mistakes are intentional. with that out of the way, finally someone other than charles even though i still have like 2 drafts for him that i need to finish. ntm on the banner and article 😶‍🌫️. when you get to the hello kitty reactions pls just scroll💀 it was funny when i made it but now it's just... and i cba to remove it. sorry this is so short 🙏.

part 2

yn_ln added to their story.

user00: oooh, girl's night????

user01: love seeing my fav wags out and about

user02: what happened to your foot? hope you're okay🫶

yourfriend: lils on her phone probably texting alex🙄 they make me sick w how cute they are

user03: y'all look so good🥴

user04: I just know that club's hot as satan's arsehole, how do you look so good? what's your secret🎤

alex_albon: please bring my girlfriend back in one piece🙏

yn_ln: nah, she's my girlfriend now😪

user05: no ezra? break up abeg

maxfewtrell replied to your Close Friends story : did you forget she's on your cf

landonorris: do you think i'm stupid? obviously i removed her before posting this

maxfewtrell: so you do have a working brain cell🤗 congrats🎉

monaspencer replied to your story : wasteman is hilarious but deserved.

alex_albon replied to your Close Friends story : may your efforts fail 🤞🙏

landonorris: WOW🤣🤣

alex_albon: nothing personal mate🤷‍♂️

landonorris: WDYM nothing personal, you're literally cursing me😒

randomfriend replied to your story : VINDICATION!!! i knew you couldn't read🥳

alex_albon replied to your Close Friends story : why did he have to be such a simp, now i owe lily and mona money

yn_ln: you're a millionaire, you can afford it, so suck it up king👑🫶🏽

monaspencer replied to your Close Friends story : you just made me 200€ richer😘

yn_ln: i actually don't want to know...

lilymhe replied to your Close Friends story : now alex owes mo and i money, thank you🙏🏻

yn_ln: glad to be of service?

landonorris replied to your Close Friends story : i wonder who that handsome guy is

yn_ln: some stray i found wandering around and out of the goodness of my heart, i decided to bring into my home

landonorris: you're not funny

yn_ln: then why were you laughing at all my jokes earlier?

landonorris: i was laughing at how bad they were😕

yn_ln: sure...

charles_leclerc replied to your story : tangled on a date? how romantic

yourfriend replied to your Close Friends story : this doesn't look very "im done w yt men" 🤔

yn_ln: you're in my business, don't do that😁

yourfriend: but it's so interesting 🥴

⤷ end note ‧ ★ : made a cute lil divider so hopefully it distracts you from everything else😋. honestly this took so long bc i was mostly working with vibes, no writing, no thoughts, just vibes. i don't know how some of y'all are so fast, like you guys amaze me, my goal is to just get more than 1 smau per month out. also i will no longer be writing for charles leclerc bc someone said he looked like noah schnapp and i can't unsee it 💀💀 gonna have to change the drafts🥲

[disappearintothegrey]

kitten // noah sebastian

Summary - A little trip to a local cat cafe ends with more than you bargained for. But, you'd do anything for Noah.

warnings - none. tooth-rotting fluff.

first one-shot in my random Noah Sebastian one-shot series. i am working on two requests, and my requests are currently open. you can also find this cross-posted on ao3 within the series. thanks for reading ♥

~~~~~

It all started as a light-hearted plan. Seriously. 

The guys had just gotten back from a small tour run, taking one day to rest at their shared home. Folio and Jolly were busy playing some game on Folio’s XBOX, which Noah and I watched on boredly. Jolly had just killed Folio in-game, a competitive war about to erupt before Nicholas busted into the living room, pure glee on his tan face. 

“Guys, guys!” Nicholas was vibrating with excitement, and I moved my eyes to him questioningly. I could hear Noah snicker under his breath beside me, watching on in amusement.

“What’s up?” Noah inquires, “You literally look like you’re going to explode at any moment,” He jokes. 

“Guess what just opened down the street?!” Nicholas exclaims, his phone screen thrust in their faces, “We have to go!” 

Despite Nicholas’ shaky hands, I was able to make out the words “CAT CAFE GRAND OPENING” on his screen, and my eyes lit up, “You guys have a cat cafe!” I cheered, and Nicholas dropped beside me on the couch to let me go through the cafe’s website, and I squealed, “They have kitties!” 

“It is called a cat cafe, babe,” Noah teases, dodging the slap that came towards his shoulder.

“We have to go,” Nicholas begs, and I can see the desperation on his face.

“It sounds fun, we should go tomorrow,” I chime in, smirking at the disdain on the other three's faces. But it was nothing compared to the giddy smile that was all over Nicholas’ features, “Pleaseeeeeee?” I whine, hitting Noah with pleading eyes. 

Noah’s eyes narrow, almost glaring at me, “Don’t use that face against me,” He warns, but I don’t let up, “Sage,” He groans, pleading with his eyes.

“Fine, stop looking at me like that,” Noah concedes, falling back against the couch in defeat. I squeal, and Nicholas cheers as he schedules us a time-frame for tomorrow. 

Folio and Jolly exchange amused glances, returning to their game once Nicholas disappears back to his room. Noah is glaring at me, and I know I’m in for it later. I smile, leaning in to give him a quick kiss, muttering a thanks against his lips before I get to my feet and head to our bathroom. I can feel his fond eyes on my back, hearing him return to bickering with Folio and Jolly on the game. 

—

“Oh my god look at them!” I coo, spotting all the little kitties playing with each other and other patrons as we walk into the cafe, Nicholas visibly freaking out beside me, “I have to play with them all,” 

The guys are all talking amongst themselves as Nicholas checks us in, all of us being given a bag of treats and stickers that read our appointment end time. With all the house rules said to us, the front-desk employee lets us in and Nicholas immediately heads for this pair of black kittens napping on a small tree. 

I can feel Noah’s hand on my lower back, and he gives me a gentle push, making me look up at him to find him already looking down at me with a grin, “Go on, go play. I’ll get us coffees,” He offers, and I squeal, kissing him quickly before departing from the other guys. 

Nicholas is busying himself petting the awakening kittens, one of them crawling into his lap and curling up in a little ball. Folio found himself an adult ginger kitty–well actually, the orange boy found him first–, sitting criss-cross on the tile floor and letting the cat climb his legs and nuzzle his nose into his chin. Jolly and Noah were ordering the group lattes, talking amongst themselves as they wait for the beverages to be made. 

I look around the cafe, seeing cats and kittens of all sizes and colors playing and sleeping. Other patrons are happily using the toys to lure the cats in, but my eyes were drawn to a small tabby kitten, nestled inside a pumpkin house, sleeping soundly in the corner of the room. I smile to myself, walking up slowly to the house and sitting down in front of it, peering inside to see two olive eyes sleepily looking back at me.

“Hi there, baby,” I whisper, “You are so beautiful,” I say soothingly, the kittens fur long and luscious, black, brown, and grey in tone. The hair peaks on her ears are long and pointed, and her large paws tell me she’s a Maine Coon. 

With a stretch, the kitten stumbles out of the house, meowing up at me as she sits down in front of me, cleaning the sleep out of her eyes with her paws. I snap a few pictures on my phone, extending my hand to let her sniff my skin curiously. Her wet nose touches my knuckles, before her head pushes into my palm, demanding head scratches. I oblige, scratching her temple and behind her ears before petting down her spine, the soft fur under my fingers feeling like a cloud. 

“Aren’t you just the sweetest?” I ask, and the kitten follows it up by crawling up my crossed legs, settling in the crook of my thighs. I audibly awe, immediately letting her curl into a ball and stroke her fur. 

“Looks like you found a friend,” I heard above me, and I glance up to see Noah peering at us fondly, his eyes sparkling with affection, “Got you a pumpkin spice,” He announces, setting down the iced latte on the little table beside us, dropping down to sit criss-cross beside me. 

“Thanks,” I kiss his cheek, smirking at the pink that comes over his cheeks, “Look at her,” 

Noah glances down at the sleeping kitten, and I notice immediately how his eyes soften and he’s reaching out to pet her head. She lets out a content meow, and he literally coos, making my heart melt. That warm, sweet boy I fell for is coming out, no longer hidden by his “hard” outer shell. I feel the kitten stirring, Noah’s fingers gently caressing her fur, and her purring is so loud I can hear it. 

“She likes you,” I whisper, and he just smiles at me, going to take his hand back. 

“She’s just tired,” He replies, sipping from his latte. 

I shook my head, and the kitten took notice that she was no longer being pet, her eyes peeking open and a disgruntled meow escaping her tiny throat. I chuckle, scratching underneath her chin, her eyes slipping closed at the sensation as she purrs against my fingertips. Noah’s hand sneaks over to pat at her head, and he grabs at the small collar wrapped around her neck, looking at the ID tag curiously. 

“Hello there, Clementine,” He says softly, and her ears perk up at the sound of her name, tiny eyes glancing at Noah from my lap, “What a pretty name for a pretty girl,” He coos, and she meows in response, getting to her feet and climbing over to his arms. 

I see him visibly melt the moment she makes herself comfortable in his arms, nuzzling up to his chest. Noah’s brown eyes are filled with affection, tattooed fingers gently stroking her fur. With her little head perched on his forearm, she drifts off into a nap while he gives her pets. He’s too enthralled with her to notice I got up, snapping sneaky photos of them before going to sit with Nicholas, who was still playing with the pair of black kittens. 

He gives me a smile, his eyes searching for Noah, but his grin grows even wider when he sees his best friend huddled up with Clementine in the corner of the room, “Looks like he found someone special,” Nicholas comments, “This is Oreo and Twix,” He introduces the kittens, who meow at their name. 

I give the kittens a scratch, my eyes never wavering from Noah, “He’s gonna fall in love with her,” I comment, a little sad, “Too bad we can’t take one home,” 

Nicholas gives me a mischievous glance, “Who says we can’t?” 

I met his gaze, confused, “We can?” 

“Like any of us are gonna say no to a cat. Plus, Harper would love the company,” He replies. 

I nod, glancing back to Noah, who’s now leaned against the wall with Clementine curled into his neck, his eyes closed as he cuddles with her. I can’t wipe the dopey grin off my face, and it’s then when I decide to start plotting. 

—

“Time to go, baby,” I say quietly, approaching Noah as he’s looking sadly at Clementine. 

Noah sighs, kissing the kitten’s head softly, placing her back in her pumpkin house, but she cries out in protest, reaching out for him. He looks heartbroken, the look of disdain on his face undeniable, “I’m sorry sweet one, we have to go. I’ll come see you again,” He promises, “If you’re here next time,” And I would be lying if I said my heart didn’t break at the sound of his voice. 

Clementine continues crying as we walk out, her little face appearing in the windows of the cafe, Noah forcing himself to look away from her as he grabs my hand and presses forward. My heart couldn’t take it anymore, so I suddenly stopped and pretended to gasp. 

“I think I left my phone in there, I’ll be back!” I announce, turning to walk away, “Go ahead and get in the car,” 

Noah just nods, following the guys to their car as I run inside the shop, greeting the same front-desk employee, “Please tell me I can adopt Clementine,” I ask hurriedly, glancing behind me, “My boyfriend fell in love with her and I really wanna surprise him with her,” 

The employee smiles at me, bending down behind her desk to hand me a clipboard, “Fill out this paperwork, and then I need a valid driver's license to file,” She starts, “And then she’ll be all yours to pick up tomorrow morning,” 

After paperwork and $65 later for her adoption fee, Clementine was officially ours. I thanked the employees and raced outside, hopping in the car, “Sorry, they had to look for it,” 

Nicholas looks at me in question, but stays quiet. Noah’s looking out the window, looking for Clementine in the cafe’s windows as Jolly flips the car into park. I slide my fingers into his, giving his hand a squeeze as he lets out a sad sigh. He leans his head on my shoulder, playing with the sleeve of my shirt as he sulks. 

Little does he know, tomorrow morning, his whole day would brighten up. 

—

The next morning, I woke up extra early, making sure Noah stayed asleep as I slipped out of bed, getting dressed and heading out the door. My first stop was Petco, buying Clementine a litterbox, food and water bowl, toys, a bed, and scratching post. I would let Noah pick out her cat tree, I decided, grabbing her food and litter as well. 

After Petco, I headed straight for the cafe, parking right up front and carrying in the carrier I just purchased, the same employee giving me a warm smile, “She’s all ready for you, follow me,” 

I follow her into the cafe, but into a different room, where little Clementine is waiting for me on a cat tree. She meows loudly at me, clearly remembering my scent as I stroke her head, the employee getting the carrier situated for her while I pet her, “You’re coming home to see your new daddy,” I tell her, getting a meow back. 

Clementine’s placed in the carrier, wrapped up on a blanket with treats and a toy, the employee giving me one last smile, “She’s all yours! Congratulations!” 

“Let’s go home baby girl,” I tell her through the carrier, leading us out the door and securing her in my car with the seatbelt. 

The drive home was short, Clementine meowing at the bumpiness of the car ride while I tried to soothe her with my voice. I parked the car as fast as I could, carrying her in and making Folio carry in her supplies as I snuck inside. Nicholas is sitting on the couch, his eyes lighting up, “No way,” 

“Ssh, I don’t want her to start yelling,” I whisper, letting Nicholas see her through the carrier’s gated door, “Gonna sneak upstairs and put her on my pillow,” 

Nicholas grins at me, giving me a supportive wave as he goes to help Folio, and I carefully descend upstairs, opening our bedroom door to find Noah still fast asleep, facing my side of the bed with the blankets pulled to his waist. Quietly, I bend down to open her carrier, scooping her out and placing her on the pillows in front of him, letting her sniff the air. She puts her wet nose against Noah’s cheek, and he flinches, his eyes fluttering open to spot the tabby kitten staring at him curiously. 

“Clementine?!” He yelps, staring at her as if she wasn’t real, before he notices me standing behind them, recording the whole thing, “No way,” He replies, sitting up and grabbing Clementine, “No way!” 

“She’s all yours, Noah,” I tell him, sitting down beside them as he strokes her fur and coos in her ear, “I just couldn’t leave her there after watching you fall in love with her. You needed each other,” I finish, and Noah’s face is lit up with gratitude and love. 

He leans in to give me a kiss, holding my cheek with his free hand, “I don’t deserve you, thank you for her,” He says, giving me another kiss before pulling away, “Ready to go explore your new home?” He asks Clementine, who just meows in response as he hops out of bed and trots out of the room. 

No, Noah, it’s me who doesn’t deserve you. But Clementine? She deserves you. 

[rainofthetwilight]

Jenna/JJ Walker HCS!

since I've also seen the other jaylings get their HC posts, now it's JJ and soon ethan's time to shine!!

(most of these are connected to or need the lore post to understand; so check it out if you haven't!)

Jenna, at first, seems like a sweet and shy kid (if you didn't intimidate her), but she's a literal demon once she gets a bit used to whoever she's talking to

^ to continue with the above, she has trust issues, so if you already leave a bad first impression on her or if she just seems wary then she'll have a hard time even standing next to you

and for that reason it was hard to bond with Jay before he got his memories back, he's a person she knows but doesn't at the same time, and it heavily hurt her because she just wants him to love her like his daughter again

she still was able to keep a good relationship with Nya, but it was a bit hard to talk sometimes because of how much Jenna's changed and that they haven't seen eachother in years

she had such a big bond with Cole, so it would be an understatement saying she missed him severely

she was also very close to Kai! Lloyd, compared to now, wasn't very close to Jenna pre-merge but would love to sneak her some candy when Jay didn't let her

Zane was also pretty close, he'd only wear obnoxiously oversized hoodies just to carry Jenna in them

Wu loved spending time with Jenna, and would give her some scrolls to read to improve her Ninjargon! Jenna hosted tea parties with him, too, and would give him a pink birthday hat instead because his current hat was 'too boring' in her perspective

her handwriting was also pretty decent, too

she is touch starved but sometimes needs her space or she'll get snappish, hugs are what usually calm her down

her favourite animals are, well, dragons! she had basically been around dragons her entire life, so she was never afraid of them, other than dragons though she really loves cats!

her blue phonecase even has a cat on it, it's a small white kitty in the middle and she decorated the rest of the phonecase with small stickers (that are mostly Jay's old ones she borrowed, like his pins)

suprisingly tho, her favourite colour is neither red nor blue, it's actually lavender! her second favourite being any shade of gold, she digs those kind of colours :D she only wears clothing that mostly consist of red and blue to match with her family, she doesn't hate those colours though because they're also on her favourite chart

when she was almost 14, she hit her growth spurt and became the second tallest sibling (Noah being the tallest), she couldn't stop laughing at the look on Kaida's face when she realized she's becoming the shortest 😔 (even Tessa is taller than her, and Ethan was already starting to be tall for his age)

she's, unsuprisingly, unbelievably stubborn, and tries to convince herself to not give up too quickly

she has whole boxes of markers, coloured pencils, and paint! her obsession for art is too great, she even asked Lloyd if she could help paint the new bounty

when she'd go out, there would be some paparrazi she obviously did not like them that much, but had grown used to ignoring them

she had so many of those children colouring books and had alot of drawings pre-seabound, and most of them were complete, but they all burned down along with the monastery in crystallized :')

she was a bit anxious about going to school, but was still excited and had enjoyed it! alot of kids had wanted to be friends with her and she didn't mind the attention

she's a theatre kid! would act in alot of plays when she was still at school and she goes absolutely all out when she does, now she isn't so open about that fact but would sometimes sing and dance in secret (she got caught by Kaida one time, and she never felt so embarrased)

her room's walls are painted by her, she painted simple things like landscapes with some dragons thrown in there

she's that sibling who's always got your back, she'd get into fights if it meant that she'd protect you that way

but she is not much of a good listener, wanting to hurry up with things, but if you needed to rant to somebody so badly she'd try

for her whole life, she was very protective of Ethan, their dynamic was good but got a bit wonky during the timeskip because of how dull everything seemed, and because of how Jenna would be in her room most of the time

she loves to cuddle him alot tho and is still able to carry him sometimes, she never realizes that he's heavier than he looks lmao

sometimes, Lloyd would come and find them asleep on top of eachother on the living room couch, the movie they were watching still playing on the TV

and she despises how Ethan never knocks on her door, fsm knows how many times he's jumpscared her when he slams the door open 💀

she loves to pull pranks on people (that people is Kaida) with Quinn and Finn, those three are unstoppable 😎

speaking of that, Jenna warmed up to them eachother quicker than she expected, it just took a while because she was still not sure of them, but she liked their energy and they didn't seem like a threat to her

she was just envious of the two because they spent their entire lives with Nya and Jay, which was what slowed down the process

being very protective of Ethan, she hated the fact she had to share him, so she was very wary of everyone (especially Noah, who she noticed loved to spend time with him) and didn't want him so close to anyone

but when she saw the way Noah treated him gently and had genuienly loved him, and how much fun Ethan had when he spent time with him, she grew to love Noah aswell

Jenna loved to climb on his shoulders before her growth spurt, with him being ungodly tall she felt like she was standing on the borg tower

with all of these fights, she never thought she'd get along with Kaida one day, theur fights would even sometimes get a bit too heated, but once they starting warming uo eachother, and talked in conversations that weren't fights, they both quickly became protective of one another

she doesn't know how to use a gun, she never used a gun before, so Kaida had obviously taught her (Tessa and Noah taught her too when they could)

BUT she does know how to use a sword! she would sometimes train with Lloyd during the merge timeskip, so she has some pretty decent fighting skills and is good with a sword for her age

she has a love-hate relationship with sparring, tho

she hates blood, she really hates blood, but having seen it so many times in her lifetime (*cough* including hers *cough*) she got only a bit used to it

she was scared about coming out as aroace, but nobody in her family is straight (obviously) and neither are the walker kids (obviously #2) and was suprised when they were all so chill

Jenna: Guys, I'm aroace.

The rest of the walker siblings: Cool.

Jenna: ...what-

Ethan: What's an aroace?

during her stay with them, Ed and Edna would teach her how to engineer and how to use unimportant spare parts to make something new, and she was suprisingly a quick learner and it had distracted her a little from what had happened

she is not a great cook in the slightest, she'll break the pan she's using the moment she touches it :'D

she is an avid reader of comics (just like her dad) and finds them to be more interesting and funnier than books, she borrowed jay's starferer comics during the timeskip after the merge and read them all, and god she did not shut up for weeks about it (which made lloyd very proud lmao)

she loves to swim!! her love for it had plummeted a bit after seabound however

but before the merge, she had been taught how to swim by nya quite alot and always loved to go to the beach just to jump in the water (she's that kid to do those massive cannon balls lmao)

and she loves to run too! she'd never back down from a race and is extremely quick, unless you're Tessa or Quinn it's hard to catch up to her sometimes

(I hit that block limit 😭)

EDIT: she, obviously, knows some swear words

she has frequent nightmares from her ptsd (cough crystallized cough near death experience cough fuck I'm spoiling again-) and gets extremely anxious, the pain seems like its still there, and she cannot stay alone by herself for too long or she'll spiral

EDIT: she also has slight pyrophobia from crystallized (try to guess why)

^ during the merge timeskip, when they started happening more frequently, she'd instantly go to Lloyd, but now she almost always goes straight to Tessa during those times. when she's at her lowest point especially, Tessa's the only sister who listens to her and lets her cry it all out which is why she's one of her closest siblings

in fact, Tessa's the first sibling she grew close to!

Nya does know about these problems too, and when Tessa for any reason isn't able to help Jenna heads straight to her

sometimes, when her anxiety gets the best of her too, she talks walks across the monastery courtyard and climbs up and down the stairs a few times, it always calms her down

Tessa mostly uses her a benchpress along with their sisters, so no one is suprised when they see Tessa benchpressing Jenna who's currently on her phone

she's usually comfortable around Finn and Quinn, and begged Quinn to teach her how to fly once she got her powers too

when she and Kaida got along, those hellspawns LOVED to gossip, and would constantly laugh about an inside joke between them while everyone is so confused (me and that one friend meme be like)

like how the brothers have movie nights, the sisters all have movie nights too!!

before Kaida warmed up to them, she'd constantly fight with Jenna during the film and Tessa would try her darndest to shut them up, while Quinn is just focused on the TV while eating popcorn 😎

and if it isn't obvious enough already, other than Ethan of course her favourite sibling is Tessa, but Kaida quickly followed suit

when she'd be bored, she'd grab Finn and Quinn to paint the walls of their room together

whenever she hears Noah talking about Sasha, she goes "nope" and leaves the room instantly

Jenna borrowed Lloyd's old headphones, which she also decorated with her stickers, she only lets Tessa use it

it's easy to tell that something belongs to Jenna, she always has her nickname 'JJ' on her stuff everywhere

EDIT: Jenna also gets an aviator jacket from Tessa! all the sisters have it :DD

in the future, she eventually gets more chill and Ethan will become the energetic one

-

ohh my god that was LONGGG..

bb boy ethan's next!! I'm going to sinai tomorrow though and staying until saturday, so yeah expect him to be a little later on!

[thnxforknowingme]

New Directions Tournament Masterpost

Alright y'all, I have polls and I'm going to make it everyone else's problem.

Thank you to @blurglesmurfklaine for the idea of having a Glee character poll tournament. Instead of taking on all Glee characters, I am sticking to members of the New Directions. I previously created a sorter for the New Directions, so if you want to create your own personal, bespoke ranking of the ND members, you can do so here (this sorter won't work on mobile).

***Overall disclaimer that we are all here because we love Glee! All of these characters have their merits and there will be no bashing! Only fun!***

I have chosen the starting match-ups so that characters are grouped based on some level of similarity - basically, I wanted to give the post-S3 and minor characters a fighting chance, because otherwise I figured they'd mostly get knocked out in the first round.

You can make your choice either by which character you like more, or in the case that you are conflicted, by which character you think would win in a fight. If you vote, please reblog this masterpost or some of the polls - the more voters the merrier!

ROUND ONE (Complete)

Category: The Core 13 Artie Abrams vs. Kurt Hummel Finn Hudson vs. Noah Puckerman Sam Evans vs. Blaine Anderson Quinn Fabray vs. Santana Lopez Mike Chang vs. Brittany Pierce Tina Cohen-Chang vs. Rachel Berry vs. Mercedes Jones

Category: Here For a Good Time, Not For a Long Time Matt Rutherford vs. Jesse St James Lauren Zizes vs. Sugar Motta Joe Hart vs. Rory Flanagan

Category: The Newer Directions Unique Adams vs. Marley Rose Jake Puckerman vs. Ryder Lynn

Category: The Newest Directions Roderick Meeks vs. Jane Hayward Madison McCarthy vs. Mason McCarthy Spencer Porter vs. Kitty Wilde Alistair vs. Myron Muskovitz

ROUND TWO (Complete)

Note: Match-ups within categories for this round have been randomized (e.g. I didn't choose that Santana was going up against Finn, a list randomizer did).

Category: The Core 13 6 Mercedes Jones vs. Blaine Anderson Kurt Hummel vs. Mike Chang Finn Hudson vs. Santana Lopez

Category: Here For a Good Time, Not For a Long Time Jesse St James vs. Lauren Zizes vs. Joe Hart

Category: The Newer Directions Unique Adams vs. Jake Puckerman

Category: The Newest Directions Alistair vs. Jane Hayward Kitty Wilde vs. Mason McCarthy

ROUND THREE (Complete)

Note: Because there was a very competitive race in the last round, and because I need to do something to even out the numbers for a tournament to avoid any more triples, I am going to pull a Mr. Schue and announce that both Mercedes and Blaine will be moving on to this round! Thank you for your impassioned voting - now both of your faves still have a chance to win!

That being said - I also didn't love all the comments that the Mercedes/Blaine poll got last round. You're welcome to extol the virtues of the character you vote for, but please avoid saying anything negative about the other character, or the people voting for the other character. I want this to be a fun poll tournament for everyone involved! Because it's literally a tumblr poll and it doesn't mean anything, it's just silly!

Starting in this round there are no more categories, and all match-ups are chosen by a randomizer. Here they are:

Blaine Anderson vs. Jane Hayward

Kurt Hummel vs. Mercedes Jones

Unique Adams vs. Santana Lopez

Kitty Wilde vs. Lauren Zizes

ROUND FOUR (Complete)

It's the semi-finals - who do you want to see in a final poll showdown? Kudos to Random.org for providing these match-ups:

Blaine Anderson vs. Lauren Zizes

Santana Lopez vs. Kurt Hummel

FINAL ROUND

This pair of New Directioners has been through so much together - now it's time for them to go face-to-face in a poll tournament. It's your last chance to do your civic duty and make your voice heard:

Blaine Anderson vs. Kurt Hummel

The winner of the First Annual New Directions Poll Tournament is Mr. Kurt Hummel!!

[web-novel-polls]

WN Criminal Upper Bracket

[Please be kind and respectful in the notes. Anti-Propaganda is NOT allowed.]

Choi Noah from Villain Hides His True Colors

I know pretty much no one’s read this novel, but Choi Noah was a young child who awakened the “Gamer” ability due to trauma. He literally thinks he’s in a game & is absolutely unconcerned with common sense, including the laws. He repeatedly kills “mobs” and “monsters” (usually other humans or humanoids) for “coins.” In his first life, he became the first EX-Rank villain and teams with a devil trying to take over the world, who later betrays him for being “too evil.” The story starts with/right after his death as he “resets” the game to return to age 12 and ends up becoming a hero to “win the game.”

Dragon half-blood from Lout of the Count’s Family

Submission: So much attempted murder, some successful murder presumably, kinda cannibalism (does it count as cannibalism if you eat other intelligent species?..) but consider: hes BABY (he's like 900yo) and hes a SOPPING WET KITTY CAT

Wiki Link

[bylerconfessions]

“so why would the duffers NOT choose to do this? It's bold, but not THAT bold. it's not like making a gay film in the 80s or 90s. gay storytelling is not that uncommon these days.”

To the anon who said this, I’d say you’re right… up to a point. Gay storytelling IS less uncommon, but look at the main contexts it typically shows up:

A. explicitly gay movies like call me by your name/moonlight/crush/love, simon

B) explicitly gay tv shows like heartstopper/young royals/love victor

C) Side characters in non-gay movies, very rarely the main characters or else it becomes a gay movie: lady bird/mean girls/the perks of being a wallflower/american fiction/nope… sometimes these characters don’t even get to kiss anyone or date anyone

D) Side characters in tv shows, very rarely the main characters or else it becomes a gay show: riverdale, bridgerton, locke & key, hsmtmts 

E) if there are queer main characters in a non-gay show, they’re usually established in season 1 so people know what to expect (for example, euphoria or chucky or yellowjackets or xo, kitty… which still got a lot of backlash for “suddenly” making kitty bi).

F) Characters in very progressive animated films like Nimona or shows, often ones that get cancelled too, like The Owl House 

G) Literally Background characters in mainstream franchises like Marvel and Star Wars… Marvel has had ONE gay kiss on screen and that’s the guy from eternals… it’s had some other queer characters like valkyrie but they never get to do anything gay

H) Modern Disney Channel shows like Andi Mack where Cyrus Goodman became their first gay character… in 2019

There really isn’t anything like Stranger Things: a mainstream, non-gay, coming-of-age, sci-fi/horror show with no explicit, undeniable gay storylines suddenly- from the perspective of the GA- making one of its main characters, who has been in a fairly popular relationship with a girl since season 1, gay. And then going from 0 gay kisses to presumably multiple (including Robin and Vickie), where homosexuality is at the front and center inherently because of Will’s main character arc and Mike’s head. This IS very new. We are not only saying this is happening, but that this has been the plan since the beginning because of secret clues planted in the show.

So that’s where the doubt comes from, I think. Especially when America and the world is getting more homophobic too, not less. Conservatives call us groomers. People still see homosexuality as a sin. SO many of the audience members see Mike as the straightest character of all time and are screaming Mike is not, has never been, and never will be gay or bi.

Byler’s so juicy and it’s so bold, it’s undeniably a straightbait, and it will blindside a lot of the audience who never saw any of the queer subtext in the show and assumed the most they would see is maybe Robin holding hands with a girl or Will having an unnamed bf at the end.

Even just look at the reaction to Noah when he came out from many so-called Stranger Things fans. The show has absolutely attracted a conservative audience. Was that the intention? No, but it’s what happened. Non-homophobic audience members will be chill, but everyone else? It will be a wild time. Do the Duffers really want to make Stranger Things culture war public enemy number one? Time will tell.

All the evidence is in place. The only question. is, will the Duffers REALLY pull the trigger?

That requires a lot of faith.

(from this ask)

yea like stranger things isn't really a romance show in general, so putting a queer couple at the forefront of everything could surprise many

[misiahasahardname]

OK SO I FOUND A CONCEPT I MADE UP LIKE AGES AGO FOR A TD HIGHSCHOOL AU BUT LIKE. i made it scottish because that’s the only school system i’m used to,,,

i would spend time in computing class typing away in a google doc (literally titled ‘total drama mental illness’) instead of doing any coding…

so yeah here’s some of my old total drama highschool au stuff (copied from my doc)! (warning: OLD (kinda))

subjects chosen for highschool au (some of these choices were kinda random)

biology - noah, courtney, lindsay, cody, bridgette, heather, tyler, leshawna, dj

chemistry - izzy, cody, noah, duncan, courtney, owen, beth, geoff, trent, katie, sadie, justin

physics - gwen, noah, courtney, harold, cody, eva

french - cody, lindsay, beth, courtney, trent

german - noah, eva, izzy, duncan

mandarin - heather, harold, courtney

spanish - courtney, owen, justin, katie, sadie, tyler, bridgette, geoff, gwen, leshawna, dj

latin - noah, courtney, beth

(ancient) greek - harold

drama - heather, owen, izzy, cody, harold, leshawna, katie, sadie, justin, lindsay

music - leshawna, harold, justin, trent, cody, bridgette, courtney

art - cody, gwen, izzy, bridgette, owen, beth, justin, lindsay

rmps (religious moral philosophical studies) - dj, harold, noah, courtney

mods - noah, courtney

history - harold, trent, eva, leshawna, bridgette, beth, courtney, gwen

computing - noah, harold

technology - cody, owen

pe - tyler, eva, geoff, bridgette, duncan

accounting - trent (forced into it)

business studies - courtney, trent (also forced into it), owen

geography - harold, eva, owen, bridgette, trent, beth, lindsay

noah and courtney’s languages were chosen because they already knew a lot about the language and they kinda wanted to show off.

beth and lindsay chose french because they always wanted to go to paris.

jo is in tyler and eva’s and advanced higher pe class even though she’s a year below and should be doing nat 5s.

cody chose art for gwen. he didn’t end up with her, however, because she took advanced higher and he only took higher. cody cried when he discovered this.

trent’s dad forced him to take accounting.

cody, trent, justin and harold formed the drama brothers when they were assigned to work on a project in music together in s3. they’re all in the same AH class.

all of gen 1 are in the same form class. chris is their form teacher.

noah, ellody, courtney and emma are all key members of the student council.

izzy has accidentally set fire to the entire school twice.

sanders from ridonculous race is the headmistress because i refuse to beleive that sanders and macarthur are the same age as gen characters and because she’s better fit for this than a police job.

blaineley is a drama teacher.

kitty is an s3 in this au, while gen 1 is in s5.

izzy and duncan are the two pupils with the most detentions and suspensions. miraculously, neither of them have ever been expelled.

the lunch tables are separated by form classes.

owen takes business because he thought it would help him in his future endeavours of making a cookie business.

(so i had to take away a few of the things i wrote due to general stupidity of them or i just didn’t agree with those things anymore. i also did a little ‘teacher’s opinions’ thing that i will share if people want it? (but i doubt that). uhhh yeah basically i turn everything into an au. might make a post about orphans au, i dunno)

[quackle]

fav and least fav characters from each gen?

gen 1- favs are leshawna and noah (aka the og definition of robbed in s1 and s3 respectively), least fav is duncan (i have many mixed feelings about you sir)

gen 2- favs are dawn and anne maria (they should have come back... i miss them...), least fav is staci (great lies tho queen!)

gen 3- favs are jasmine and ella (jasmine was a great competitor, ella was just funny af to me) least fav is dave (literally had to stop my teen self from fighting the tv screen every time his face popped up)

gen 4- favs are nichelle + damien (this should be obvious if you know me), least fav is chase (you will pay for your crimes against emma..........)

rr: fav is kitty (i genuinely love her so much omg), least fav is... uh......... actually, i can't decide on this one. i might have to rewatch to pinpoint, but right now, my mind's blank on a least fav

[boyfriendkissertd]

Part one

A continuation of the character bingo!!!!

Dave: 5/10

He sucks. He's literally the worst and i love him for that. But I wished he started off as a bad condescending person (like Amy) in the beginning, instead of tweaking out at the end. Lowkey he should've killed Sky (jkjkjkjk....nah not really). He was boring the first half of the season though.

Ella: 7/10

I LOVE ELLA YOU HAVE NO IDEA. She's so sweet and she should've went further, but Chris was an asshole so they had to get rid of her....sigh. One of my favorites.

Emma (tdrr): 10/10

One of the best characters on ridonculous race. Her and Kitty should have won, I do not care. Her relationship with Noah was also super cute and I hate how people forget she exist and say "Noah should've been with *insert character here* and not Emma." (As a nowen shipper I have came to accept nemma as a cute ship)

Kitty: 10/10

I love Kitty, like you don't understand. As a younger sister, I can relate to her a lot. She really is one of the best tdrr characters. I also loved how she worked with owen to get Noah and Emma together. Simply one of the best characters.

Emma (2023): 8/10

FUCK CHASE. ALL MY HOMIES HATE CHASE. EMMA DESERVES WAS BETTER AND IT PISSES ME OFF THAT THEY DIDN'T DO MUCH WITH HER CHARACTER. She's literally me fr.

[losergendered]

!! NOT A REQUEST !!

I saw you're a total drama fan,, do you have any headcanons? I like seeing other folks headcanons ^__^ /nf

oh you KNOW I DO BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im probably gonna make a followup post like. actually making the icons but. yes here they are (its just the gen 1 cast cause. theyre the best. and also i havent seen roti or pahkitew or the reboot)

Ezekiel is a genderqueer transmasc bisexual and uses he/they!

Sadie is a biaesthetic lesbian, Katie is a transfem omni lesbian, and they're dating!

Eva is an acespec demiplatonic unlabeled sapphic! She's also Sephardic!(one of my fave random hcs is that all of team escope is jewish but from different disporas :D)

Noah is a Mizrahi gnc gay guy! (ik that sometimes people consider mizrahi to be a subterm of sephardic but im making the distinction lol)

Izzy is an Ashkenazi genderfucked abrosexual aroace demihuman xenogirl who uses any pronouns!

Justin is a flamboric cupiospec arospec gay guy!

Beth is a nonbinary weirdgirlpunk bi lesbian who uses they/she!

Owen is. well i'll be so real with you i dont really care about him (IM SORRY OWEN FANS. I JUST DIDNT LIKE HIS JOKES VERY MUCH. his friendship w noah was cute tho) but like. literally i interpret him as canonically bisexual. like he was literally so in love with justin like that wasnt even subtext that just. was a fact

Geoff i also lowkey dont care about (SORRY) but i also find him bisexual. hes so in love with bridgette and hes so in love with brody. two hands <3

Bridgette doesn't label her sexuality, but has had feelings for multiple genders before!

DJ is questioning his sexuality, but thinks that he's somewhere on the aroace spectrum! He also considers himself a cisgender demiboy!

Leshawna is a bipan girl, and her girlboyfriend, Harold, is a bigender transfem genderqueer genderfluid bisexual boygirl!

Lindsay is a bi straight lesbian, and her partner, Tyler, is a cusper straight lesbian transfem boy who switches between identifying as a cishet man and a trans butch lesbian and uses he/she pronouns! (also this is because i like both headcanons for her lmao)

Trent is an ace bisexual with an aesthetic lean towards girls and a romantic lean towards boys! He leans more towards the cis man side of the gender spectrum, but likes to get a little funky with it u know. like he listens to arctic monkeys. u know.

Gwen is a bi lesbian/shadowlesbian trans girl who defaults to she/her, but doesn't mind neopronouns! Also gwourtney is real to me

Cody is a bisexual trans guy!

Sierra is an intersex trisfem paradoxibinary arospec bordersexual first-quarter/third-quarter neaptide mspec lesbian who prefers she/her, but also likes they/them and neos!

Duncan is a bisexual guy with a preference for girls! also i am still a duncney believer. who else still part of duncney nation in 2023.

Blaineley is an aphrodite bi lesbian and shes dating ME SHES DATING ME SHES MY WIFE ILY MS STACEY ANDREWS OHALLORAN. i actually made a whole oc to ship her with lmao. i guess i can include that um shes dating jules who's a lesbian and is my oc <3

Heather is a bisexual girl with a preference for girls and she's dating Alejandro, who is also bisexual! their romance was cute argue with the wall

Courtney is a bisexual girl and she's also a cit <3

Chris and Chef are both gay men and are married! gay wrongs

uhh random other hcs i have for non gen 1 chcs are bi trans girl kitty, bi straight emma, uh that little swagless kid from rr who competed with his dad uh hes a trans boy, jo is a butch bisexual girlboy & is dating brick, a gnc bisexual man, scott is bisexual and dating courtney, sam is a nonbinary bigender transfem straight lesbian who uses all pronouns & is dating dakota who is a bi trans girl, um that one dude who had the name reveal is ofc trans, svetlana is a transgender bi lesbian, vito is hypersexual and bi, uh my hcs for mal are. long so keep an eye out for a mogai-headcanons post in a few months, shawn (?? is that his name) is a transhet guy and is dating jasmine (??? i do not know these chcs at ALL) who is bisexual.

[jordanraye47]

modern day total drama headcanons (HS I guess) pt 2

they’re teenagers doing modern teenager stuff don’t come for me😔😔🙏 there will be sexual jokes btw ‼️

Heather: laughs when the popular guys moan in class. Idk she’d just be annoying like that. “Did I ask” AHHHHWIRJFUFUFU KILL ME. I like Heather but thank god she’s a millennial I would’ve hunted her down if she went to my school. “WHO YOU CALLIN A LESBIAN YOU FUCKIG FAGGOT” those live girls. Like if zshe was lesbian she would’ve denied it for years like “only faggots are lesbians”

Izzy [fucking ginger]: this isn’t even angst but she’d be bullied tbh. Curly ginger hair? Freackles? Talkative? Bro she’d be dead. Like trust me shes my fav and so cool but let’s be real. Kinda mf to be like “heyyy how have you been” snf hug her friends and be like “im gonna touch you” (shes js like me fr) we all saw that she was dressed up on total drama but tbh I don’t think shed be that dressed up in school. She’d either have “SLIPKNOT DEATH DATH EMO” written shirts or those fucked up Walter white shirts. SHED BE THAT KID WHO WAS AKWAYS CALLED OUT OD CLASS LIKE “is Izzy here? Yeah, pack your things and come with me” and literally nobody sees her for the rest of the day. I don’t wanna start a war here so for nemma shippers: she’d be such good friends with kitty. They’d hang out whenever Emma and noah were out on dates or just hanging. Kitty has so many pics of them together tbh. for noco shippers: she’d be the biggest nco shipper ever. Y’know in the intro w Zoey Mike and sierra? She’d do that sierra thing to noah and Cody.

probably more coming idk

[real-total-drama-takes]

Hi guys, if you don’t know me, my name is Trucy, AKA sidandydestroyer69,and I’m making this video today, because I am so TICKED OFF right now. You would not believe, because, as some of you may already know, Total Drama has a new season coming out this year called “The Ridonculous Race”, and so being the dedicated Total Drama fan and NoCo lover that I am, I sat down, and decided to watch it, all the episodes that are out so far, and to my great dismay, I discovered that Noah, and Emma, are supposed to be a thing this season (??????????). Noah, and EMMA, EMMA of all people, why Emma (EW EMMA) Emma is such a bad character, ok?! She’s literally a carbon copy of of Amy from the last season (this one is amy fyi), and you know what? She’s just a shitty cross, between Courtney and Heather, and did Noah ever show interest in either of them? NO! HE DIDN’T! HE FUCKING DIDN’T!!! He didn’t care about any of them! So why is he now getting *googly eyes* over some fuckin’ piece of shit in a dainty little skirt (I forgot that it was kitty who wore the skirt when I made this im sorry i was heated)!?!?!!! Because it’s not in his fucking character, okay?!? That’s not who Noah is! Noah.. is.. a is PURE, and faithful to Cody, because.. because Cody is beautiful, and also pure, and.. together they make NoCo, which is even more pure.. and... and AAAUGH! I feel like this happened, just because.... the producers, of the show realized how much people liked Noah and Owen’s friendship, so they wanted to bring him back, but they needed to add something interesting to him character, to y’know, keep it from being the same thing from last season, so instead of putting in something fuckin’ interesting, THEY SETTLE ON GOD DAMN EMMA! FORCED ROMANCE!!! It... just... I don’t like it! I don’t like it! They could’ve done something.. cool, like, make one of the teams, like, two of Noah’s brothers or something and then their could’ve been, like, a cool rivalry, it would’ve been awesome. But no, y’know maybe I’m totally off track with that, maybe, the only reason that this happened, is because the producers of the show went on the internet, and they saw all this NoCo fanart, this beautiful NoCo fanart, and they said to themselves “we can’t let this go on a moment longer, we HAVE to make Noah straight”, and y’know, that personally OFFENDS me as a human being, because NoCo is what gives me life, and.. and puts MEANING into my soul, and y’know, to have the producers of the show CRUSH my hopes and dreams like that!!?!?! It hurts, and I don’t like Total Drama now, I don’t even know if I can continue, because of FUCKING NOAH AND EMMA!!!!!!! NOEMMA!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAGGHHH!!!!!!

.

[ourstaturestouchtheskies]

13 songs you find comforting?

hello dear! circling back around to this one, since I talked about comforting music from my childhood in the previous ask, in this post I'm going to list more "current" songs that I find comforting at the moment! ☺️

Marbles – The Amazing Devil

Light of Love – Florence + the Machine

Hey Kid – Ingrid Michaelson

Tried to Tell You – The Weather Station

Eastern Standard Time – The Accidentals

Free – Florence + the Machine

Weatherman – Hush Kids

It's Been a Long, Long Time – Kitty Kallen and Harry James (yes I know this is literally from like the 1940s, but it counts as "current" since it's a song I only discovered/listened to when I was older 😅)

Time Comes in Roses – Bess Atwell

The Sun – JOSEPH

Seventeen Again – Charli Adams feat. Novo Amor

Way Way Back – Aly & AJ

Call Your Mom – Noah Kahan

and now I'll pose the question back to you all: what songs in your current rotation are comforting to you? 🥰

[pigspeetsandhooflikefeets]

glad that at least from the impression i’m getting from ur rr posts im not the only one who doesn’t like the season that much and for the same reason.. i literally only like like less than half of the cast 😭 and even those that i like i like so much less than other td characters, i need to rewatch but i feel like the characters coming in pairs was both a blessing and a curse bc it meant so many got basically no interactions with other characters from what i remember. the flop to slay ratio is dire

The show is overwhelmingly full of moments I think "I could have written this better" or "I think they would have benefited with more obstacles at this part of the race" or "who the fuck keeps screening dirty cops for game shows. I HATE cops in game shows. Game shows are MY baby's first obsession. RR is one of those shows were you're like "ugh I liked PARTS of it so if they had another season it'd be GREAT because they couldn't do that stuff again." Which is 100% sunk cost fallacy, do not be me.

The lack of attention and care when it came to elim order of the familial duos kinda irks me. With the exclusion of The Rockers (which btw, I was INCORRECTLY informed that they were more shippable. You guys ship THAT!?) all the non-sister family duos get canned in a row (Mother/Daughter, Twins, Stepbrothers, [Rockers], Father/Son). While there's a lot of downtime with non-elim eps, it's still PAINFUL how ship focused it is. HELL, Kitty falls into nothing but a shipper of Emma and Noah which. I'm so sorry but I skip all their scene and their musical sting oh my god barf city. (Earlier I was trying to make sick because I accidentally possibly ingested mold, and honestly a comp of them might have done it.)

So few characters interact with anyone outside of their teams and that kinda blows??? Like I swear this is the perfect show to have Aftermath type things instead of non-elim eps, where it's just "behind the scene" content, like what everyone actually did on their 17 hour flights. I wanna see The Tennis Rivals treating Junior like their darling innocent grandson, but then complain Dwayne doesn't work hard enough. The Vegans temporarily befriending The Adversity Twins for their dislike of dairy, but then going "actually nevermind" because they're just lactose intolerant. The Goths just glaring everyone down and Owen is like "You remind me of a girl I knew once! She was emo too!" and Crimson is internally screaming because she's NOT emo. She is GOTH. Also the fact Owen and Geoff NEVER talk is downright CRIMINAL. YOU GUYS KNOW EACH OTHER... TALK...

[narrativestringtheory]

On Comics: Growing Old with the X-Men

by Noah Berlatsky

[ed. note: a prior iteration of this article appeared as “Growing Old With the X-Men” on Patreon in 2022]

A friend lent me The Uncanny X-Men #160 (Marvel, August 1982) when I was at summer camp in the early 1980s. I wouldn’t say it’s exactly haunted me ever since. But it disturbed me at the time, and it stuck with me as a confusingly nightmarish story—a gratuitous exercise in disempowerment and decay.

Reading it again some forty years later through the power of digitization, I’m more aware of its weaknesses. Writer Chris Claremont’s endless exposition eats up text bubble after text bubble. Penciller Brent Anderson struggles with pacing the convoluted script—moments of grotesque horror (like Kitty Pride’s skeleton literally being removed from her body) are weirdly shrunken into a series of smaller panels so you can barely see them. I’d thought some of my fuzzy memories of the comic were a result of time and distance. But it turns out that a lot of scenes just aren’t drawn in a way designed to stick in memory. 

At the same time, it’s, clearer to me now why I found the comic so unsettling then, and why, as an adult, it still retains some power. Claremont, in his clumsy, gauche way wrote a comic about the clumsy, gauche process of getting old. The innocuously named “Chutes and Ladders” turns out to be a story about decay, death, and failure. When I read it as a twelve-year-old, I was looking through a dimensional portal to the more jaded, (somewhat) hideously transformed me reading it now.

The plot starts out on the X-Men’s new island base. Storm, Nightcrawler, Wolverine, Kitty, and Colossus are participating in one of those Danger Room training battles with which Claremont was endlessly fascinated. Illyana, Colossus’ six-year-old sister is fascinated too; she’s watching eagerly, which positions her as a stand in for the audience. At the same time, she herself is being watched through a kind of interdimensional television by a mysterious figure with ominously long fingernails. 

That obscured figure is a Satanic stand-in named Belasco, and his realm is Limbo.  He’s a devilish demiurge for Claremont himself, setting the story in motion and summoning the reader deeper. He reaches into Illyana’s mind, whispering, “Tell no one, Illyana. Just follow my voice…to paradise.” The creepy child abduction connotations foreshadow the story’s obsessions with corruption, as Ilyana wanders off (clutching a Fozzie Bear doll). Kitty—the youngest member of the X-Men—notices Illyana’s gone and heads after her.

Illyana seems to vanish, and then Kitty is also zapped away. This sequence is presented as unpleasant in a way that is far out of proportion to what we see or what actually seems to be happening. Kitty is frozen in a circle of light and completely panics: “What’s happening?! I feel—No! Oh no!” She doesn’t sound like a superhero, but like a child facing her worst fear. 

The older heroes figure out the kids are gone eventually; they follow and inevitably vanish. They all find themselves, or lose themselves, in an ill-defined gothic cavern-like realm—again, called Limbo, though it looks more like Hell.

The real horror here isn’t the décor, nor even the monstrous Sy’m, who talks incongruously like a 1920s gangland thug. (“So tell me boss—who do you want killed?”) The real horror is age.

The X-Men aren’t just visiting a different realm, but their future selves. Thanks to time displacement and cosmic comic book woo, our heroes learn that they were already in Belasco’s realm years or decades past, when they had been easily and gruesomely defeated. Wolverine’s adamantium skeleton lies in Belasco’s throne-room. Colossus apparently lived for some time, but he too was eventually killed; his aged corpse hangs on a wall. Or at least, Claremont says Colossus was an old man when he died. Anderson’s art doesn’t really show it, which is no doubt in part simply technical insufficiency, but which also suggests that age can’t be imagined; it’s a horror beyond visualization, even when it’s hanging there in front of you. 

Worst of all is Nightcrawler. Our gallant, high-spirited Kurt didn’t die. He was instead turned into a corrupted parody of himself, a lecherous giggling monster matching his demonic appearance. When Kitty meets old, gross Kurt he gropes her, in an extremely unpleasant sequence. (Anderson’s pencils again don’t let you see clearly what’s going on, though this time it’s obviously intentional; Kurt’s hands when he gropes Kitty are off panel.) The sexual implications echo Belasco’s quasi-seduction of Ilyana at the comic’s opening; growing up here is shadowed with violence. 

Elder Ororo’s fate is less grim than death or corruption. But time has still taken her on. After watching her friends die horribly, she reached some sort of détente with Belasco.  As she aged, she lost her elemental powers, but studied sorcery instead. She uses her latter-day magic and her knowledge of the workings of the teleport circles to help the younger X-Men avoid the mistakes of the dead by urging them to run away.

They do so, but Belasco manages to grab Illyana’s hand. Kitty loses her grip on the girl for a second, but then gets hold of her again and pulls her back to our world—only to discover that in that blink of an eye when their hands were separated, Ilyana aged seven years, and is now thirteen. 

That lost moment, in which a whole life happens between panels, is the part of the comic I remembered best. I’d sometimes over the years wonder what happened to Illyana, that same impenetrable gap fixed there as I got older, doing whatever I was doing. Time passed for me around that panel as it passed for Illyana inside it. You’re always getting older in that white gutter between then (further and further ago) and an ever more decrepit now.

The jump disturbed Colossus too. “How can I face our parents?” he wonders, and in a further internal monologue he muses on his sister’s tragic fate. “Childhood should be the happiest of times—and in a stroke, Illyana has lost that forever. Worse she has now spent half her life in Limbo […] should I welcome her, comfort her, love her…or fear her?” Belasco, though, gets the last word, cackling about Illyana’s glorious destiny while clutching her Fozzie Bear doll, a symbol of youthful innocence lost. 

Contra Colossus, childhood isn’t always a happy time, as “Chutes and Ladders” is aware. Kitty’s outsized fear upon being transported into limbo, coupled with Nightcrawler’s advances, suggest that the comic is in part about sexual abuse. Belasco is grooming Illyana for his own purposes (further explicated in a Magik mini-series, which I still haven’t read). He’s an evil father, with elder Ororo, who dabbles in dark magic, as a compromised, also-abused mother figure. Colossus is grappling with the fact that aging can be imposed by adults in ugly ways; the comic is in part about how children like Kitty may be forced to contemplate their own skulls before they should have to.

The comic isn’t just about children though, which is part of what made it memorable for me when I was a child. To some degree, Claremont was writing for twelve-year-olds. But he was writing for those twelve-year-olds about what it’s like to grow up. Part of the superhero empowerment fantasy is that the characters never grow old; Colossus is still in his prime now, in 2023, just as he was in 1982. But also somehow in 1982, in that one comic, he was vaguely old, in a way difficult to visualize, and defeated and dead.

Belasco is evil, but he’s also age personified, and evil and age, intertwined, beat the X-Men, not once, but twice. They grow weak, they die. They are frozen and terrified. They betray themselves in grotesque ways and in smaller ones. They harm their friends (Sy’m uses Wolverines severed claw to pierce Colossus’ armor.) They fail to protect their loved ones. They run away. But wherever they run, time comes after them.

I vaguely understood when I was a kid that—through Anderson’s vague outlines and Claremont’s endless text—the comic was speaking to me about my own future. It was teleporting me forward in time to an older, tireder, heavier, more defeated me. And here I am, looking back. I could tell my 12-year-old self to run, I suppose, but it wouldn’t do much good. Back there, somewhere, I put the comic down and went off to swim more efficaciously than I can now. When, like Kitty recapturing Illyana’s hand, I picked the book up again, I liked it less, and, alas, understood it better.