#that's becoming a tag progressively
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Thinking again about just how MUCH "I didn't know what to say" gives us and how it can change the whole deal. Because it is the only line that explicitly tells us that he is, as of the time of saying this, still not capable of saying "I love you".
She told him directly in the moment. So he knew what SHE wanted him to say. So how, then, is it possible that he "didn't know what to say"? Unless...
Unless he's saying that telling her was always completely off the table.
Unless he's saying that he knew what she wanted to hear and he knew that he would under no conditions be saying that. "I didn't know what to say". That statement is much closer to "I didn't know how to say it" than "I didn't know why I couldn't say it".
He doesn't say that he doesn't know what would have fixed the situation. He says that he didn't know what to say.
Which means: they are not. the same.
In that moment, with stakes of emotion and heartbreak and not life and death, he would never have told her he loved her. Something in him considers that an awful thing to do. Breaking a commandment he's made to her as a friend before all else. Something in him says "Telling you I love you would hurt you more long-term than letting you believe that I don't." (hmm I wonder why. which possible commandment could that be)
In episodes 4 and 5 of season 4, he does not say "I should have told her" "I should have told her". He says "should I have told her anyways?" "But what else could I have done but what I did?"
And it's the very prioritization that contributes to his guilt now. OH.
THAT'S SEASON 4 FOR HIM:
He spends the season asking himself the question: if I knew she might die if I didn't say it, would I say it, knowing it would break her heart if she survives?
And then she might die if he doesn't say it. And he knows it. And this is the climax. The moment of decision. The "what would I have done if I'd known".
Now he knows the answer, I suppose.
#I GET IT NOW#that's becoming a tag progressively#mike's arc isn't will or el#it's dilemma#and he gets new information and he sits with himself and thinks and maybe he changes#but he asks himself 'what would i have done if the situation repeated itself?' all season#and then the situation repeats itself#and he says 'this is an awful thing to do. but all i know is that she needed me and i wasn't there. and she needs me now. okay. i'm here.'#whatever he did he would have to live with#he just chose which guilt#mike wheeler#mike wheeler i love you#mike wheeler analysis#the ily speech#mike wheeler arc#stranger things#narrative analysis
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#dc x dp#dead on main#jason todd x danny fenton#hbsd#HBSD#HBSD update#How to Become a Step-Dad#How to Become a Step-Dad in 5 Easy Steps#ao3 fanfic#ao3#I cannot thank yall enough for the amazing comments you leave#saw them while recovering from a cold#finally had the time#motivation#and inspo to make decent progress with the next chapter#I'm hoping to have the next chapter out before Halloween#fingers crossed#okay as I was typing that in I saw a tag for “salad fingers” ??????
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autistic becoming a neutral/positive adjective in todays culture would make my younger neurodivergent self so happy and hopeful (and i hope others can find that too:))
#it definitely has not become fully positive#i have seen it be an insult (to me and others) in casual conversation#<- someone said i was the boring kind of autism and i have grieved ever since then (/hj)#<- people also just add on to anything weird or wrong i do ‘ur autistic’ which I’ve come to realize is in a demeaning way#(didn’t realize bc of the autism)#but i feel like i can tell people that i am autistic now. as opposed to when i hid it so people wouldn’t think less of me#or change how they acted around me#now i have people being like (real conversation btw) “yeah but that guys an asshole. and the other is autistic and cool’’#<- this was a neurotypical childhood friend who would never say this a decade ago#I’ve heard kids say cute things like ‘i am so happy you’re you’‘I wish i was autistic like you’ <- a little confused but he’s got the spirit#i know the world is still shitty and rude and disrespectful#but i have seen such a growth of love and support and overall normalization in todays world#and progress is progress <3#don’t forget that!!#autism#autistic#actually autistic#neurodivergent#positivity#idk what else to tag#but ily all<3#the rare og text post
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I am once again asking people to stop assigning family roles to found family. It beats the point of having a found family in the first place
Also: "this character is a mom friend" ≠ "this character is the mom of the group"
One implies the friend is naturally caring, nurturing and thoughtful. While the other implies there's an assigned person in the group who gets emotionally burdened by people of their same age range to act like their mom
#'zuko and katara are the parents of the gaang'#no. katara is a 14yo that tries really hard to embody what she thinks a mom is like#to overcompensate for the lost of her own mother#what she likes about aang since ep1 is that he reminds her to have fun and to be a kid again#which she gets more open to as the story progresses#and zuko is a child soldier who was forced to grow quickly and doesn't remember what it's like to be kid anymore#zuko isn't being fatherly to the gaang. he acts like a commander bc he thinks they need discipline#i kinda feel bad for zuko he's not around long enough to learn to be a kid again#and then he just becomes the fire lord#found family#trope#writing#fandom#fanon#atla#atla rant in the tags
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craaazy that some of you are so determined he stays within the mould when the entire show is chronicling him breaking out of it
#it fills in when he takes the role of crown prince after erik's death#and slowly becomes more rough until it's entirely not in the lines anymore#like season 3's logo#young royals#yr s3 spoilers#spoilers#no one yell at me i'm tagging everything#young royals season 3 spoilers#as someone who has grown up working class w a monarchy that sucks the living daylights out of my country#and has caused so much systemic oppression and created the class system that only widens the wealth gap as time moves on#i'm really exhausted by having to explain that wille being a queer king isn't a progressive thing#and that yah this is a tv show but it presents you an opportunity to#rewire your thinking about real life situations and the actual class system#the people at the top are still oppressive even if they're gay#imperialism is still imperialism even if you let gay people go to war#go read red white and royal blue if you want your gay royal fantasy#this is literally a show about the class system#and how historical systems that are held up by institutions like the monarchy#are a bad thing#and can never be progressive#even if you rainbow wash it
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more panels circa miharu arc i couldnt stop thinking about and love of him being So Tiny vs. these MASSIVE yokai which paints such a brutally gorgeous picture (figuratively and literally) of the size of responsibility on his shoulders especially in the context of this specific arc or something!!!
#i also get v incoherent about his...gentleness(?) for lack of a better word on the right and sure ofc he has to do it as part of the ritual#and he's effectively in disguise from the yokai cosplaying as a miharu but its such a nice contrast to the#outright brutality affiliated with the matoba name and that we saw from him in the early arcs#and [OVERTHINKING IT PROBABLY] can be seen as a shift in the character progression maybeee#in tandem with midorikawa's real time matoba seiji uwu babygirlification!!!#ok this is where my tag-essay devolves--time to go to bed mirai#natsume problems#horrible exorcist number one#at this point half my blog has basically become the matoba's book of enemies remix and i guess i'm cool with that
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hi guys
(forever) wips below are: scene redraw (that i actually started on way before posting mobsai here. crazy !), and teru in an outfit i saw at the mall once (denim dress. dress made of NOTHING but denim. it caught me off-guard but i think i was just being too harsh <3 he was going to wear those galaxy leggings all middle schoolers wear with it as well)
originally this post was just gonna be me posting pretty old wips that i never finished cuz ive been sick (i actually feel way better now tho) and lazy but then i started perusing some more of my older mobsai doodles and unfinished arts and decided to post those alongside the ones above :) i just think its fun to see how my art has developed grown and changed over a period of time, especially with the designs of these characters
if ur interested in lookin at suma those vv
thunder claps welcome
reminder and warning that a lot of these were me still kind of figuring out how to draw them so they will NOT be beautiful picasso
i think this was the first digital mob i ever drew..... he was born august of last year..wow
i was incredibly weak for father reigen if you couldn't tell [sarcasm]
i also didnt know how his suit worked. lol
soryr i was mean 2o u serizwaw sir. anwyays
various ritus (ft teru) vv i made him very hateful because i thought it was funny
v v supa unfinished (obviously) pre-mob teru stuff, just hanging out by roof railing
and then there was a looot of what might be my favorite genre of these, which were just goofy little scribbles
that last one i made in the middle of watching the last episode. i promptly teared up in the bathroom after finishing it
anyways thats pretty much it, for digital anyways :) i like looking back on art, cuz then im like "oh wow, improvement IS real" (i always forget). ill try drawin some moar stuff 4or yalls, i already gots sumthn in the works. oka bye thank you for looking !!11!
#long post#looooong post#mob psycho 100#mp100#im not tagging anyone#too much work !!!!!!#this is kinda just a. milestone ??? post#i dotn know !!! it doesnt really count cuz most of these drawings were before i started posting mobsai#fun fact i had wanted that very first wip to be my first post hehe#but instead it was........THAT post...#i was not in my right mind i dont think#I TALK A LOT i dont know if you guys have noticed#but anyways i think its really neat how the way i draw these guys have changed over time#mob especially#his face just kept getting more and more smushed#like a pug......#too many words auuughhhhhhh#digital art#art progress#??????#looking at my art now im like :) mm#even just doodles#ive become much more happy with my art in general <3 but i still appreciate what ive made b4 yk#ummm uhhhh yeahh post
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"I daresay it's all thanks to ME!"
The results of my brain being overtaken by Ahabmael for the past month. Enjoy.
#my art#unma draws#ishmael limbus company#ahab limbus company#limbus company#GOD GASHARPOON IS A PAIN TO DRAW FUCK THAT#especially when so tiny why did I do this to myself#also how does one draw Ishmael's hair I would love a tutorial on that because dear lord#that girl has HAIR#I like the way I drew Ahab's hair though#that was fun#I thought about shading this and then said fuck that after I finished with Ahab. hell no.#also the little bits of 'shading' on Ahab are meant to be her pallidification if that wasn't obvious#I hope it is#anyway this was a pain but I also had fun#now I need to go collapse bye bye#also “is this Ahabmael?”#is the slow progression of becoming the person you despise the most through your all consuming obsession yuri?#yes?#then it's Ahabmael#not tagging it that since it's not really shippy but just so you know.
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Same drawing, 8 years apart!
~2016
2019
2024
#this is so cool to look at. i love redrawing my old art to see what it would look like in my current style#the progress !! i've come a long way with my art#i think around 2015-2016 i started to try to learn to draw ponies. that's when i started making ocs and becoming more of an artist#i could go on about how cool i find this but i'll spare the ramblings lol#i never did outgrow my pony phase though LOL#mlp:fim#my little pony#applejack#pinkie pie#twilight sparkle#rarity#fluttershy#rainbow dash#omega's art tag
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um, so I did a thing: new AU based on a ship that no one seems to talk about
#sth#shadow the hedgehog#espio the chameleon#sonic fanchild#shadpio fanchild#yeah you read that right. get ready for the next tag#sonknux fanchild#sonic au#i simply call this the shadpio au cuz i can't think of anything fancier#every sonic au i make becomes progressively less and less straight#sketch dump#digital art#also for anyone wondering why i drew shadow's gloves more like amy's... it's called i didn't feel like drawing them the correct way#same thing happened to espio's gloves and shoes. i gave them the simplification beam
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0/22
bonus:
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1/20
love me some percontation point <3 even if it did force me to read through the crustiest pdfs known to man <3
#ask tag#tragicall tales was a whole thing and then progressive punctuation never got back to me on it#if i ever become a punctuation historian i gotta get back on that one since. it's a whole mess
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April 2022 vs Sept 2022. April was way back when I was trying to get back into drawing.
June 2022 vs Feb 2023.
Whenever I struggle with motivation or feeling like I’m stuck on a new piece, it’s nice looking back at how far I’ve come in 8ish months! I haven’t been this motivated to paint or draw in years and now I’ve been drawing almost daily since joining the dbh fandom. I just wanna say thank you guys for the encouragement! ✨💖
#my art#art progress#detroit become human#dbh fandom#dbh fanart#dbh connor#dbh markus#to all those who leave me long ass comments#I love you all 😭😭😭#I read all your funny tags#the thirstiest ones are the best#to my mutuals: I’m kissing your face#also omg I need to paint Markus again. It’s been a minute
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So... Murder Cat with soon to be Murder Dog and Murder Bird Drones.
Murder Cat has the depression and trauma.
#murder drones oc#serial designation K1T#serial designation R0VE4#serial designation S0NG#their names are just Kitty‚ Rover‚ and Song. Their future designation names are Red-R0ve4‚ S0ng-Str1ke‚ and K1T.#It's been a while since I drew my murder kiddos. I plan on making some kind of au and story because I have one cooked up in my brain!#it involves basically set in same universe but also not.#there are humans in my story and worker drones and murder drones and it's basically worker drone revolution fighting humans for resources#could they come up with a peaceful solution for both sides?#dunno. maybe? who knows. These animals are former pets donated to become murder drones and take care of rebels and keep in line (still wip)#the story is still in progress and the idea is subject to chain idk but I am really excited to use these three characters again because K1T#-was always planned to be in a group with a dog and a bird#working on Song-strike and Red Rover's murder designs#this is gonna be LIT!!!#sorry for the wall of tags
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tbh i think abt the black feathers in teruhashi's aura sooo much.. fallen angel imagery w her would go SO hard
#tbh i think aiura's gut reaction to teruhashi's aura becoming progressively dark would be negative n she might want to intervene#but the more she comes to understand kokomi's circumstances and troubles and trauma she starts to wonder if this change might be necessary#perhaps even good..#lol what if i made them go through an entire corruption(?) arc where its uncertain what is 'good' and what is 'bad' anymore n they toe the-#-line of losing themselves. also they're wlw#i haven't thought abt this a lot at all btw. aha. heh...#saiki k#teruhashi kokomi#aiura mikoto#<because of the tags
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tell me about the Jon Isolation AU!
This ask carried me through microeconomics homework, econometrics lab, microeconomics class, econometrics class, AND worries about Big Future Assignments! So thank you very much <3
This is a fun one cause I actually have the first draft of the first part written!! It's basically a version of one of my favorite personal Jon plotlines where he moves into the Archives and has no social support system. Desperately in need of a rewrite to sand away the rough edges tho lmao.
Alright I won't lie: this AU was born when I was thinking about creating an Archivist, and why it wouldn't work if you just stuck someone in a room, made them read a bunch of statements, and then dropped 14 marks on them (because that would be much easier, faster, and more efficient than what happened in the podcast, but that's not what Elias did). And then I (world's most normal Jon enjoyer) thought about Elias doing that to Jon. And then, I (and I cannot stress this enough: world's MOST NORMAL Jon enjoyer) started thinking about. The most reasonable. Effective. Low-effort. Jon kidnapping plot. And then I wrote about 5k words. And then I left those to languish in the WIP folder, just like Elias leaving Jon to languish in the basement Archives.
In hindsight, it's also a spiritual precursor to my vampire JE fics. Like. Same basic setup.
Huh.
(Believe it or not I'm actually even more of a freak about Jon NOW.)
Just to be clear, warning for:
Unhealthy relationships (I mean it's JE lmao)
Dubcon captivity?? I guess?? Like Jon agrees but Elias manipulates the scenario and Jon is. Not super happy about the situation.
Anyway the plotline is: Gertrude is missing (how mysterious and worrying!) and Elias needs himself a "temporary" Archivist to take care of the Archives until either she returns or until it becomes clear that he needs an official replacement. Jon is a very hardworking institute employee with a dedication to research and a knack for organization (autism requires everything be Sorted). Elias (who only wants to help Jon realize his full potential and has no ulterior motives whatsoever) decides that to promote him to the position. For career development reasons!
Jon:
Wants to prove that they are an asset to the institute and that they are up for the task.
Is hoping they can maybe be promoted to Head Archivist? Like Elias implied might happen if they did a good job?
Maybe. Possibly. Potentially. Fancies Elias a tiny bit.
Would appreciate the opportunity to do his own research on the statements there without their supervisor asking why they're so invested in statements involving Lietners and spiders.
Hypothetically wants Elias to praise them and validate them and respect them and profess his undying love for them make them employee of the month.
So. Obviously. They agree.
The thing is, it's only temporary, and Elias doesn't want to disrupt the other departments too much, you see, and surely Jon can handle a little tidying all by themselves? And obviously Jon can't say no to that! Haven't they always sort of wanted to not have to deal with annoying coworkers constantly chattering and bothering them and demanding their attention? Haven't they always wanted to work by themselves and be responsible for their own tasks? And Elias makes it sound like such an inconvenience to hire additional hands. Besides, Gerturde managed just fine without. Surely they can do this by themselves. Surely it will be fine.
It goes from there. The Archives are, obviously, a much bigger disaster than Elias had let on. But Elias expects Jon to handle it and handle it they shall. They just need to work harder. Come in early. Stay late. Miss lunch, sometimes. Work while they eat. It will be fine. What would Elias think if they asked for help? If they essentially admitted that they couldn't live up to his expectations? And other people would disrupt their ability to work. Might ask questions about any areas of interest they try to focus on.
They come in earlier and earlier. They stay later and later. Elias stops by occasionally to congratulate them on what a good job they're doing. To commend them on their dedication. So they have to keep it up. Can't slack off. They had friends before, sort of. Tim and Sasha were nice to talk to occasionally. But now Jon doesn't work near them, can't talk to them as much. Doesn't have time to get drinks with them after work, doesn't have the energy to answer their increasingly sporadic texts. Jon doesn't speak to much of anyone these days. It's fine though. It's fine it's fine it's fine.
There's something about the quiet stillness of the Archives. The echoing silence of the rest of the institute in those few moments Jon spends there in those long, lonely halls (not lifeless, per se, but lonely). There's some deep ache inside of them. It feels almost hollow, but it feels like home, too.
Elias is there, sometimes. To tell Jon how proud he is, how well they're doing. He likes to show up in the moments when Jon's thinking about leaving, maybe to eat in the cafeteria, maybe to stop by Sasha's desk... but that's probably paranoia. How would he know?
Every night, it feels so difficult to leave. Every night, Jon worries that Gertrude will come back and take the job from them, that Elias will find a replacement, that they'll lose their Archives. It's ridiculous, they know it, but it doesn't change the impulse to stay as long as possible. To prove to Elias that this is where they belong. It is an itch deep in their soul.
They think someone might be going through their desk. Something is watching them. It doesn't feel safe, leaving the Archives unattended over night.
(The Archives need an Archivist. The vacuum needs to be filled, and there is a perfect candidate right here, visiting them every day. Of course Jon is feeling the pull.)
And then it's been months, and Gertrude just hasn't been found, and Jon's done such a very good job, and it would be much easier if Jon would just... continue what they were doing? And if they think the work might be too much they can always ask for assistants, of course.
The itching in their soul soothes when they sign the contract. They try not to think about it.
Aaaaand that's about it as far as detailed plot goes. I do have some ideas for later on that are less well defined?
On the angstier side of things:
Things get easier when Jon is made Archivist officially. He feels more comfortable leaving at night, but he still spends a lot of time there. So many secrets, so little time.
He's paranoid. He knows something is up, that he might be in danger, that he's being watched... he can't involve anyone else. Not if he can't trust them, not if they might be in danger too.
Some of it is also the wearing effect of isolation. It's very easy to see other people as a threat or disturbance or unknown variable if you spend so much time alone.
He's looking into Gertrude's disappearance too. What did she know? What happened to her? Is he in danger too?
He can't trust Elias. He knows it. And it's so stupid that he's still maybe in love with him, just a bit.
Months pass. Relationships have surely withered and atrophied from Jon's absence. He still spends some time at his flat, but it's the Archives that feel like home.
And then, one night, the shadows in his flat come alive. Reaching ink-slick hands out to grasp him and pull him in.
It follows him. Shadows reaching with a dozen hungry hands as he races for the institute. Out of walls, street posts, parked cars. One catches on his side, and the flesh tears like paper.
It was midnight when he left. It was almost daybreak when he arrived at the Archives. He knows he's safe as soon as he crosses the threshold.
From there, I'm not sure what happens next. Tempted to say Elias was there waiting for him (I think the formatting maybe implies more continuity than there is there, how much Jon knows by the time he has to leave his flat behind is... debatable). Maybe Elias comes in to visit him and pretends to be shocked and worried about all the very unexpected blood. Maybe Jon has to phone him, begging for help because he can't go to the hospital (he knows it'll come back, the next time he's left alone in the dark), and really, who else does he have that will believe him?
Elias stays with him, tends to his injuries, spends his nights in the Archives with Jon. It's Jon who begs to stay in the Archives. Who needs the safety. The surety. Maybe Elias suggests that he stay there forever. Maybe he doesn't have to.
On the much goofier side of things: I do have an idea of them (once Jon is healed) going to Ikea to pick out some furniture. I'm thinking maybe Jon would know about the Eye, just for some fun bickering over picking out furniture or assembling a dresser or whatever. Idk, I just really like the idea of JE making the Archives into a cozy little home for Jon, somewhere he can comfortably live forever <3.
Jon has a lot of complicated feelings about the Archives and living in them and being the Archivist. Maybe he even tries to leave and go back to living a normal life. Maybe the reaching shadows break that idea for him forever. Either way, one way or another, he will learn that there is no point and there is no freedom in trying.
Despite this AU's beginnings, I don't know if Elias is working towards some big ritual. Maybe he just wants a perfect Archivist to keep in his basement forever.
And. I mean. Can you really blame him??
Not sure if JE ever become like. Official Romantic Partners. But Jon is Elias' Archivist and Elias is Jon's Watcher and that's kind of the same thing, really.
(Maybe they can have some sort of binding ritual ceremony at some point. As a Treat.)
Okay that's. God this has been a bit of a ramble, huh? Anyway I hoped you enjoyed hearing about this AU. I did get excited to take another crack at it while writing this! At the same time, however, I recently saw a post about Love that annoyed me a bit and which has made me think about the Subway Monster AU (and how those two concepts are connected is a WHOLE other story lmao) so we'll see which I end up doing (the answer might be neither for a while. I have. Big Graduation Responsibility due Oct. 1st). But yeah anyway thank you again for the ask! It was fun rambling, and actually really nice to sit down and Think about my AU lol.
#can i. can i get away with not putting this in the jon/elias tag??#please i'm so shy.#and this is so long and self indulgent.#anyway yeah#jon isolation au#man this is a fun one. i just want to put this guy in the isolation chamber!#i just want to take away all his friends until he has no one but him manipulative morally dubious crush!!#it's his natural habitat and he needs it#also fun fact this au is a he/they jon au#because Projection#but yeah. i think jon could work as an avatar of the lonely.#but he'd also be a perfect victim of it#(which is one of the reasons i love jon/peter so much btw)#i didn't really get as much into the captivity aspect as planned. and tbh i'm not sure how much it counts?#but basically elias' plan was:#make jon unofficial head archivist. let the institute's need for an archivist pull him in.#step in when he tries to reaffirm what few threadbare connections he has but do so subtly.#become his only remaining connection.#through both words and actions create the expectation that jon can manage the archives on his own.#heavily imply disappointment in the slowed progress if jon goes too many days in a row entering and exiting at a reasonable hour.#get him used to coming in too early and leaving too late to see anyone#wait until he is totally cut off from others. until you can be sure he would not ask for assistants. before officially promoting him.#he has to choose isolation. he has to choose the decay of his relationships. he has to choose loneliness. he has to choose the Archives#eventually when he moves in everyone will assume the reclusive antisocial workaholic is being a reclusive antisocial workaholic#and that's why they never see him anymore.#almost nobody has any reason to enter the archives if they aren't a statement giver and jon HATES being disturbed.#so they learn not to bother him. eventually he will stop being a person#he will be a distant figure. a rumor. forgotten except for lunchtime chatter and spooky stories at the pub after work.#he will only truly exist to elias.#and that's how you kidnap an archivist to be marked 14 times.
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wip?
I don't think i'm gonna follow the sequence anymore btw
#i typed a fucking article justifying why i abandoned my original goal#and deleted all that because this would become a ramble post and no one like that#also i'm not really doing this for work so why do i have to limit myself to the extent that i don't wanna draw anymore#and i'm actually afraid of picking up warframes in my foundry because that would mean i have to draw another warframe-#-that im not really interested in and will block up the progress of this whole warframe illustration thingy#you probably know how fucked up i was#oh shit im rambling in the tags anyways#oh well. i doubt if anyone would actually read a fucking block of text in the tag section so no biggie i guess#im just announcing this to make me fully abandon that goal#also i'm not tagging this#my art#ramble
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