Thinking again about just how MUCH "I didn't know what to say" gives us and how it can change the whole deal. Because it is the only line that explicitly tells us that he is, as of the time of saying this, still not capable of saying "I love you".
She told him directly in the moment. So he knew what SHE wanted him to say. So how, then, is it possible that he "didn't know what to say"? Unless...
Unless he's saying that telling her was always completely off the table.
Unless he's saying that he knew what she wanted to hear and he knew that he would under no conditions be saying that. "I didn't know what to say". That statement is much closer to "I didn't know how to say it" than "I didn't know why I couldn't say it".
He doesn't say that he doesn't know what would have fixed the situation. He says that he didn't know what to say.
Which means: they are not. the same.
In that moment, with stakes of emotion and heartbreak and not life and death, he would never have told her he loved her. Something in him considers that an awful thing to do. Breaking a commandment he's made to her as a friend before all else. Something in him says "Telling you I love you would hurt you more long-term than letting you believe that I don't." (hmm I wonder why. which possible commandment could that be)
In episodes 4 and 5 of season 4, he does not say "I should have told her" "I should have told her". He says "should I have told her anyways?" "But what else could I have done but what I did?"
And it's the very prioritization that contributes to his guilt now. OH.
THAT'S SEASON 4 FOR HIM:
He spends the season asking himself the question: if I knew she might die if I didn't say it, would I say it, knowing it would break her heart if she survives?
And then she might die if he doesn't say it. And he knows it. And this is the climax. The moment of decision. The "what would I have done if I'd known".
Now he knows the answer, I suppose.
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I am once again asking people to stop assigning family roles to found family. It beats the point of having a found family in the first place
Also: "this character is a mom friend" ≠ "this character is the mom of the group"
One implies the friend is naturally caring, nurturing and thoughtful. While the other implies there's an assigned person in the group who gets emotionally burdened by people of their same age range to act like their mom
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craaazy that some of you are so determined he stays within the mould when the entire show is chronicling him breaking out of it
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autistic becoming a neutral/positive adjective in todays culture would make my younger neurodivergent self so happy and hopeful (and i hope others can find that too:))
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Same drawing, 8 years apart!
~2016
2019
2024
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more panels circa miharu arc i couldnt stop thinking about and love of him being So Tiny vs. these MASSIVE yokai which paints such a brutally gorgeous picture (figuratively and literally) of the size of responsibility on his shoulders especially in the context of this specific arc or something!!!
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⸮
0/22
bonus:
⸮
1/20
love me some percontation point <3 even if it did force me to read through the crustiest pdfs known to man <3
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April 2022 vs Sept 2022. April was way back when I was trying to get back into drawing.
June 2022 vs Feb 2023.
Whenever I struggle with motivation or feeling like I’m stuck on a new piece, it’s nice looking back at how far I’ve come in 8ish months! I haven’t been this motivated to paint or draw in years and now I’ve been drawing almost daily since joining the dbh fandom. I just wanna say thank you guys for the encouragement! ✨💖
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So... Murder Cat with soon to be Murder Dog and Murder Bird Drones.
Murder Cat has the depression and trauma.
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tbh i think abt the black feathers in teruhashi's aura sooo much.. fallen angel imagery w her would go SO hard
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wip?
I don't think i'm gonna follow the sequence anymore btw
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Well, today I woke up to @kenopsia-official apparently following me, which baffled me as much as it excited me since I don’t really do anything here! 14 year old me would be freaking out right now if I went back and time and told them! I took it as a sign to finally draw Leiru, who I absolutely adore!!!
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i find dennis' toxic love for the gang sooo interesting. the lengths he goes through to ensure that their group dynamic never changes. the amount of planning he puts in implies that this is one of his fears– how they might one day change and abandon him.
an example of this would be in "frank retires" where he had formed the franquito plan seven years before he needed to use it, which felt devious (towards frank) to charlie, dee and mac, but dennis had justified it by saying he just didn't want them to change. the ending had dennis acting like he didn't mean a word he said, but i doubt it, because just a few episodes before (the gang misses the boat) he concluded that he just wanted things to stay normal in the gang after a minor freakout about how they're all gradually getting more and more insane staying in the bar together.
dennis resisting change is a consistent theme for his character. he does not want the gang to live in virtual realities, charlie to get smart, mac and dee to leave, mac's mom to stay with them, mac to connect with his dad, dee to actually be successful, mac to be so forward in his advances, frank to retire, etc etc. because he already likes the gang so much the way it is.
that is, unless he personally seeks the change. he could get married in a day, because he wanted to. he could kick mac out. he could leave the gang and start a family. he could change his car to a more modern one. but each time he tries to change and leave, he comes back to the gang... and his range rover.
and this is why he seems to hate them too, because most of his hatred comes from his resentment from loving them too much and being unable to leave. and the love he has for them is toxic, because he wants to drag them down together with him. the s13 narrative wants us to know that he's the main reason the gang stays the same for 16 seasons.
it's what makes dennis takes a mental health day so notable to me though. the commentary on systems throughout the episode, and how dennis is sick of it. dennis' rejection of technology when it takes away real life interactions, parallels the episode "charlie rules the world" in s6 which was the major turning point for dennis developing a god complex (where british dennis tells him that 'you create your own reality'). i believe dtamhd will also be a turning point for dennis, perhaps where he starts letting things go without putting as much control (systems) because he wants to live in a reality where he doesn't need to do these things anymore.
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I truly did not expect to love Lae’zel as much as I do. How much and quickly she begins to change during and after the events at the crèche as her world begins to crumble around her. Getting approval for asking her if it’s odd that the crèche only has one egg. Her standing her ground against Vlaakith at the start of Act 3. Her bitterness and grief as the life she thought she’d have is torn away but her resolve that Vlaakith cannot take her new life from her. I am So Emotional over her, augh.
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anyone have references for drawing flabby skin? i can't really find much 😞
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