#that’s why there’s no ‘other’ option because we aren’t cowards here

[scienter]

Yes! Finally, we see Kaladin again! And I finally got to my long waited confrontation between Adolin and Dalinar.

CHAPTER 19

He still did not know its name. It had never been offered. It was not a distinction the highspren gave lightly, though some other Skybreakers had been granted the names of their spren. “This emotion is unfitting of your station,” the spren said, audible and visible only to him. “Do not spoil your dignity with base sentimentality. You serve the law.”

Szeth doesn’t know the name of his spren? Huh.

I wonder if all highspren look down on emotion or just Szeth’s? Either way, Szeth's spren seems distant and cold.

Kaladin shook his head, then lifted his boot. Szeth found it amusing how Kaladin rammed his foot down, then stopped with a jerk a fraction of an inch from the plant. Trying to get it to flinch. This is a man, Szeth thought, who pulls back before crushing a weed.

That’s why Kaladin’s a Windrunner, Szeth! Kaladin even protects flora.

“No wonder you broke and gave up the spear,” Szeth said, “leaving your friends to battle without you. You have grown into a coward, then?”

Ugh.  Szeth, you dum-dum. Kaladin’s not a coward. He’s traumatized.  Szeth’s attitude is why Kaladin’s work treating mental illness is so important. Mental health is stigmatized in Roshar. People don’t get it - including the ones who are mentally ill.

“I think these plants are neat,” Syl said. She seemed to be trying to distract Kaladin from his annoyance at Szeth—which was an odd emotion to be displaying in the face of true statements expressed clearly.

“What?” Kaladin said, turning in the air. “Oh. They can’t hide, because they don’t move? Still seems strange to me that they can survive. I know the storms aren’t strong here, but people and animals are going to step on them.” “They’re more resilient than you think,” Szeth said. “Yeah, but once the real plants retract,” Kaladin said, “these will be sitting out in the open. Like the lone soldier in a company with no armor on.”

OMG. Kaladin’s flying to protect the plants! 😂

First, we got “book quartermaster depot” and now we get “real plants.” I love seeing Kaladin outside of a military or medical situtation. It's gold.

CHAPTER 20

I miss how the Stormfather used to be, the Sibling said. He was so much happier before. Not so angry all the time…

What!? Happy!? 🤨 The Stormfather is the grumpiest s.o.b. in this entire story. What happened to him? Did Tanavast’s death change him or something?

“For a deity, breaking a promise exposes them to destructive forces from others—and the magnitude of the broken promise often determines the severity of the consequence.”

“Yes, you have that option,” Wit said. “You always did—but if you break the contract, Odium can retaliate in person. He could bring the full force of his powers against you without risking retribution from other gods. Fen… he could kill every person on this planet with a flick of his wrist, if he wanted.”

This will probably be important in the second half of Stormlight or Mistborn Era 3/4. Brandon doesn’t drop information like this for no reason.

He and Dalinar locked gazes. Just go hug him, Navani thought, stepping up to Dalinar and putting her hand to the small of his back. Wish him the best. Tell him you believe in him. Neither spoke. Then Adolin spun on his heel and hurried toward the door. Navani sighed. “What?” Dalinar said to her. “He wants little to do with me these days, Navani. It’s best I let him go.” “He needs his father,” Navani said. “Regardless of what he wants. You’re simply going to let him walk out?” “We don’t have time for his drama, Navani,” Dalinar said. “Whatever I do, it won’t be good enough for him. I fear if I ask him for something, he’ll do the opposite. I…”

Interesting contrast to Lirin and Kaladin. I’m fascinated with Dalinar and Lirin as fathers because their dynamics with their sons are similar but have some major differences. For instance, Dalinar and Lirin vicariously lived through their eldest sons (e.g., wanting Adolin and Kaladin to be “better” than they were). Both sons pushed back. Adolin didn’t want to be king and Kaladin didn’t want to be a surgeon. Dalinar is guilty for Evi's death, while Lirin feels guilty for Tien’s death. Lirin was able to repair his relationship with Kaladin enabling him to give him a hug and tell him he loved him. Dalinar is unable to repair his relationship with Adolin so he doesn’t give him a hug or tell him he loves him. Both men have made mistakes as fathers, but Lirin’s mistakes are rectifiable. Lirin simply needed to change his attitude and perspective, which he did. But Dalinar can’t raise Evi from the dead.  Thus, Kaladin can forgive his father for his mistakes, but Adolin can’t so easily forgive his father for his.

That girl. That storming girl. She should have come to them with this. Navani forced her anger down. Shallan had, for better or worse, been trained by Jasnah—who kept these kinds of secrets as a matter of course.

Seriously, Shallan never had a good reason to keep the Ghostbloods from them. I know she didn't want them to know about Veil, but she could easily hide it as an undercover role instead of revealing it as an alternate personality. Shallan keeping her encounters with the Ghsotbloods secret was also counterproductive. She would be a more effective spy if she had access to the Kholins' resources the entire time. It’s been bothering me for 3 books now.

“I don’t like the idea,” Dalinar said, “of authorizing a strike on a group I barely know anything about. It means putting a lot of trust in someone who has apparently been lying to us all.” “Something,” Adolin said, “you know absolutely nothing about.”

“You’re supposed to be above gibes like that, son,” Dalinar said softly. “I raised you to be better.” “Raised me?” Adolin said. Angerspren pooled like blood at his feet—one of the few varieties of spren that ignored her orders. “You didn’t raise me, Father. You killed the woman who did.”

Well. Shit. Finally acknowledging the elephant in the room. Of course, this issue isn't going to be resolved with a single conversation. It's too awful. Adolin is nowhere ready to forgive his father. He may never be ready. (One could argue that Adolin should never have to forgive him.)

Pessimistic thought: what if Dalinar and Adolin never reconcile because one of them dies in this book? 🫣😟

“Why?” she asked Dalinar. “Why don’t you say more?” “He always throws it back at me,” Dalinar said, his thumb and forefinger massaging his forehead. “And in a way, he’s right, Navani. I didn’t raise him. He was always just… so perfect, all on his own. Or with Evi’s help, I suppose. I now realize I never did anything other than order him around.”

I love the father and son dynamics in this series even though they’re dysfunctional. Frankly, it’d be boring if it was harmonious and faultless. What would there be to analyze, criticize, or discuss if Dalinar and Lirin had idealized relationships with their sons? Stories demand conflict. Personally, I love dysfunctional familial relationships in stories. It’s interesting and realistic (see: my love for Gilmore Girls).

She frowned. “What is this?” “On the way to the meeting today,” Dalinar said, his expression distant, “I encountered a god…”

I’ve been thinking about who will Ascend to Honor, and I’m torn between Kaladin or Dalinar. I have a few different theories on what might happen.

Scenario 1:  Dalinar Ascends, becoming the vessel for Honor. He realizes he’s not the right vessel, but Kaladin is. He passes the shard to Kaladin. Kaladin becomes Honor.

Scenario 2: Dalinar gets his hands on a device that can contain the Shard of Honor. He passes the device to Kaladin, who Ascends. Kaladin becomes Honor.

Scenario 3: Dalinar Ascends, becoming the vessel for Honor. Kaladin inherits the throne from Dalinar, becoming the King of Urithiru.

Scenario 4: Dalinar Ascends, becoming the vessel for Honor. Kaladin dies, but Dalinar resurrects him as a Herald.

Scenario 5: Neither Dalinar or Kaladin Ascend. One or both of them die (permanently).

Whatever happens, I think there's a good chance Dalinar will try to Ascend to Honor because he’s designated himself the champion. He feels responsible for taking the lead.

And I'm sure something significant happens to Kaladin. Death flags and divinity flags are flying left and right for him (e.g., Son of Tanavast, Divine Destiny, the tower/crown/spear death rattle, etc.). I just haven’t formed a definitive theory yet because the foreshadowing appears contradictory.

me trying to fit the death flags and ascendcy flags together . . .

[kuriboo]

I shouldn’t feel this way. I don’t want to feel this way. I can’t stop feeling this way.

You know, I’m supposed to be, happy, that the people I care about have friends, other friends, good friends that care about them.

Not…this. Not the envy and sadness and anger. Not the fears of being left out and being replaced.

It’s nothing new. I’ve felt feelings like this for a long time. Different people, same feelings. It’s a horrible cycle. I care about people and I’m so glad we’re friends and I just get so…absorbed in that that when they reasonably have other friends and do things with other friends, my brain just…explodes. Why can’t I be like them, I’m not good enough to have friends, this other person is just going to replace me, and it goes on.

Has it ever gotten this bad? Well…. I just lost my job, and before I knew I was losing my job, it was the really busy season. And it’s not the first time I’ve lost my job, but last time I wasn’t living at home, which amplifies all these negative emotions and makes them worse. There’s also a lot of personal family related stress that I’m not going into here.

I don’t remember making any sort of conscious decision, you know. Things just…escalated and I lost it.

Still kind of losing it. I don’t really feel any better than I did a week ago.

What’s the endgame here? I’m not sure that there is an endgame. I’ve had these feelings for a long time. Eventually it usually kind of fades until it pops back up, different people sometimes, same hat regardless. In this case it’s really not stopping. I don’t know how to make it stop.

Admit what’s going on and talk about it, maybe? Ha. I’m too much of a coward for that. Sorry. That’s probably the healthiest option. But if I was able to walk up to someone and go “hey i feel like i’m being stabbed in the chest constantly because you have friends that aren’t me”, we wouldn’t be here. I don’t want to hurt or manipulate anyone with this. My burden to take on and all that.

It’s just…a pretty constant thing, and at some point I guess I decided one way or another I was going to stop feeling this way. Rehardwire my brain however I needed to to get rid of these toxic feelings. Guess I got sick of…feeling all this and pretending I didn’t.

Didn’t really…work. I tried to rehardwire my brain, made myself more miserable in the process, and I still felt all that on top of it. Guess I’m just doomed to it, ha.

There’s no real conclusion to this. I still feel this way. It’s probably not going to stop anytime soon. It’s fine. My brain’s probably not going to be happy I said this much on a tumblr post no one’s going to read. I’ll deal with that on my own. Like I said. Don’t wanna hurt or manipulate anyone over this. My problem to deal with. I’m fine with that.

Not sure trying to rewrite the way I think is just gonna magically go away just like that just because I said so. So…waves my hands. You know. Ignore whatever might pop up. I don’t know that anything will, but I’m not gonna sit here and make empty promises that it won’t. I know I’m hiding a lot from everyone I talk to, but I’m not gonna lie about that.

I don’t know how to…finish this off. Feels like it needs some kind of proper conclusion but there isn’t one, so I don’t know what to say. I’ll try to clean up my own mess? It’s not worth worrying about? Something like that, anyway. As long as these feelings don’t impact anyone else, as long as no one needs to know about them… I’m willing to take it on myself, so it’s fine, really.

[edenmemes]

resident evil village starters

❝ oh, keep growing! one day your head might actually fit your ego. ❞   ❝ running will get you nowhere. ❞     ❝ you don’t have to trust my words, but do you have any better options? ❞   ❝ you shouldn’t be out here. it’s not safe. ❞   ❝ i know you don’t like to talk about it, but can we really just forget everything and pretend it didn’t happen? ❞   ❝ well, what do you think? it’s hopeless, right? ❞ ❝ i wish it could stay like this forever. ❞   ❝ oh, such a disappointment. i thought we could join forces.  ❞ ❝ i don’t have time for this bullshit. out of my way. ❞   ❝ i don’t give a damn about your personal issues. ❞   ❝ it’s a pleasure to see you safe. ❞   ❝ just give up. flesh and blood will never win against me. ❞ ❝ quit acting so full of yourself. ❞ ❝ the clock is ticking. playtime’s over! ❞ ❝ ohhh, don’t give up! ❞ ❝ you think you can take me on? ❞ ❝ you should have never refused me.  ❞ ❝ these are the fruits of my power.  ❞ ❝ leave it alone. you are out of your depth. ❞   ❝ i’ve learned all i can from you. your worth as a lab rat has run out. ❞   ❝ no, no, this can’t be the end for me! ❞   ❝ i can’t escape from here... i can’t do anything! ❞ ❝ what are you talking about? you think this is a game? ❞   ❝ don’t get cocky. i’d kill you if you weren’t the trouble. ❞   ❝ hey, do you know anything about what’s going on around here? ❞   ❝ i’m not used to relying on other people. ❞   ❝ you’re the real deal. well done.  ❞ ❝ i gotta...keep going. ❞   ❝ i think it’s time you left things in my hands. ❞   ❝ my power is leaving me! ❞   ❝ do me a favor... try to stay under the radar. ❞ ❝ you don’t get it. you don’t stand a chance by yourself. ❞ ❝ alright, alright. i guess i owe you an explanation. ❞ ❝ you must be pretty tough, huh? ❞   ❝ all your power’s done is drive you nuts. ❞   ❝ i gotta say, i’m surprised you made it this far. it’d be a shame if something happened to you now. ❞   ❝ so you finally came to see me! everyone falls for me in time. ❞   ❝ it’s all i can spare. take it, take it! ❞   ❝ you’ve got fight, i’ll give you that. ❞   ❝ i didn’t want to keep it from you. i didn’t want to lose you again. ❞   ❝ i’d kill you if you weren’t worth the trouble. ❞   ❝ is there something you’re not telling me? come on, talk to me. ❞   ❝ you can hear it, can’t you? someone’s waiting for you. ❞   ❝ oh, careful what you wish for. ❞   ❝ i don’t want to die. oh, it hurts so much. ❞   ❝ don’t look at me that way. ❞   ❝ i told you to sit down. ❞   ❝ you’re the reason ___ doesn’t love me. ❞   ❝ hey, kiss me? ❞   ❝ if it’s for you, i would do anything. ❞   ❝ come on, it’s not that much further! ❞   ❝ you’re the only one to see me in this form. ❞   ❝ ugh, my temper got away from me. ❞   ❝ play with me some more. ❞   ❝ trying to get on my good side? ❞   ❝ i don’t know if it’s the scent of the flowers, but i feel light headed. ❞   ❝ in all my years, i’ve never been this overjoyed. ❞   ❝ look forward to what i have in store for you. ❞   ❝ mmm, that smells good. what’s that? ❞   ❝ you really should have taken my deal. ❞ ❝ truth hurts, don’t it?  ❞ ❝ i’ve waited so long. but dreams really can come true. ❞   ❝ you coward! come out and face me. ❞   ❝ quit hiding, asshole. i’m not letting you get out of this.  ❞ ❝ i won’t let you have it. even if you beg. ❞   ❝ this is my territory, and i won’t let you leave. ❞   ❝ damn, i’m so cold. my legs won’t work. ❞   ❝ local wine, too. but if you’re going to keep sulking all evening, maybe you shouldn’t have any. ❞ ❝ it’s not paranoia if they’re really out to get you. ❞   ❝ you’re the last asshole in my way, aren’t you? ❞   ❝ well, at least we’re together. ❞   ❝ hey, now. think positively, all right? we talked about this. ❞   ❝ come now, don’t be shy. show me your terror. ❞   ❝ i would’ve sliced you to ribbons if they hadn’t stopped me. ❞   ❝ it’s only a riddle if you don’t know the answer. ❞   ❝ shouldn’t we face what happened there so we can live our lives without it hanging over our heads? ❞   ❝ rest while you can, because i will hunt you, and i will break you. ❞   ❝ this village is full of monsters. we can’t fight them! there’s too many. ❞   ❝ a dead body? wait...there’s more... ❞   ❝ you’re a lot like your father, you know. ❞   ❝ it barely flinched when i shot it. i feel like it’s toying with me. ❞   ❝ it’ll be fine. it’ll be fine. it’ll be fine. ❞   ❝ listen. you’re being played.  ❞ ❝ too bad you’ll pay for it...with your life. ❞   ❝ please won’t you stay with me? forever? ❞   ❝ you are lucky to die before your child. ❞   ❝ quiet now, child! adults are talking. ❞   ❝ there’s nothing wrong with my memory. you’re just being paranoid. ❞   ❝ this is...this is just too much. ❞   ❝ awww, you’re blushing. ❞   ❝ how can a man be ‘almost’ dead? that’s a question for the wise. ❞   ❝ what kind of sick medieval shit is this? ❞   ❝ i’ve spent a lifetime creating this moment...and you try to take it away from me? ❞   ❝ i’m sick of fighting you! ❞   ❝ why didn’t you fucking tell me right away? ❞ ❝ shut your damn hole and don’t be a sore loser! ❞   ❝ but i’m not paranoid, i’m just cautious. ❞   ❝ don’t get close to me when i’m cooking, babe. ❞   ❝ anyone who is anyone has heard of the likes of you. ❞   ❝ i haven’t cut open a man in a while. ❞   ❝ we moved here so that you wouldn’t have to deal with any of that, remember? ❞   ❝ why? why would you do this? ❞   ❝ i knew you would want to be involved. and this job is hard enough without civilians getting in the way. ❞ ❝ oh? you have something to say? ❞   ❝ tell me what’s out there! ❞   ❝ you’re still alive...? impressive. ❞   ❝ hey, are you listening? hey! ❞   ❝ exactly how much do you plan on annoying me? ❞   ❝ oh, no. they’re coming! ❞   ❝ do you have a gun? please tell me you have a gun. ❞   ❝ it’s not---nevermind. i’m sorry. ❞   ❝ drunk or not, you are welcome---and safe---in here. ❞   ❝ you know how to push my buttons. ❞   ❝ hey, don’t i get a say in this? ❞   ❝ you wouldn’t know proper manners if it slapped you in the face. ❞   ❝ i won’t forgive you, you bastard! ❞   ❝ why...why do you treat me the same as them? am i not your favourite? am i not special? ❞   ❝ at night, i hear wailing, as if ghosts roam the halls. ❞   ❝ quit your whining; we’re almost there! ❞   ❝ i’m afraid you can’t return to your old world any longer. ❞   ❝ how dare you bare your teeth at me. ❞   ❝ you couldn’t save them. they were already gone. ❞   ❝ in life and death, we give glory. ❞   ❝ can you even understand that humiliation?  ❞ ❝ even i can get angry. ❞   ❝ what the hell is that thing? ❞ ❝ we will meet again soon. ❞ ❝ let’s just say parts of the human imagination are better left alone. ❞ ❝ some treasures still lurk in this village. ❞ ❝ my decision is final. there will be no argument. ❞   ❝ everyone leaves me. even you. ❞   ❝ there is no safe! every sorry bastard out there has been ripped in half! ❞   ❝ come inside. the others are waiting. ❞   ❝ come with me. there’s something i have to tell you. ❞   ❝ what the hell is wrong with this place? ❞   ❝ the strong will destroy the weak. that’s the way of the world. ❞   ❝ no, we’re getting out of here --- together. ❞   ❝ but what i saw was...frightful. ❞ ❝ i suppose it’s what they call ‘the beauty of the grotesque’. ❞   ❝ you taught me so much and for that i will be forever in your debt. ❞   ❝ it is my curiosity that ties me to this place. ❞   ❝ please let me know if you’d like to strengthen your weapons. ❞ ❝ you’ll pay if i find out this is a lie. ❞ ❝ speaking of foolish questions, who --- what are you? ❞   ❝ if i don’t kill them then my life will never be my own. ❞   ❝ you are abominable. your deceit knows no bound. ❞   ❝ quit holding out, and get to the damn point! ❞ ❝ you’re the one who’s cursed. ❞ ❝ i hope you will be able to achieve your goal someday, too. ❞   ❝ that is why i had to leave you. i will regret never telling you goodbye. ❞   ❝ if i had but a little more time, i know i might be able to turn the tides of this battle. ❞   ❝ i can hear it shuffling about outside. ❞   ❝ and now you even try to steal my property? how dare you? ❞   ❝ ugh, just another simple little manthing. ❞   ❝ oh, good. i was just thinking of ways to pass the time. ❞ ❝ nowhere to go but up. ❞   ❝ where are you? show yourself! ❞ ❝ not without me, it’s too dangerous. ❞ ❝ shit, that was close. ❞   ❝ i heard explosions. what happened? ❞ ❝ you’ve dirtied my dress! ❞   ❝ you’re my daughter...now act like it! ❞   ❝ i don’t think we will make it through winter at this rate. ❞   ❝ the wounds are severe. i won’t last much longer. ❞   ❝ will you please stop talking in riddles? ❞   ❝ goddamn. it really is you. ❞ ❝ you sure of this? your body is, well, falling apart. ❞       ❝ how long have i been out? ❞   ❝ keep your distance. do not move until i give the order. ❞   ❝ i’ve got a tough guy here, i need some back-up! ❞   ❝ if my mom saw this shit, she’d think she’d died and gone to hell. ❞   ❝ shut your fucking hole! ...sorry about that. ❞   ❝ who are you? who sent you? ❞   ❝ please, be well. ❞   ❝ there’s more than we thought. watch out. ❞ ❝ to hunger...is to be alive. ❞   ❝ goddammit! why is everyone dying on me? ❞   ❝ hey! hey. don’t talk like that. ❞   ❝ my word, you truly are as strong as they say! ❞   ❝ don’t you love me? ❞   ❝ oh, you didn’t think i’d let you get away, did you? ❞   ❝ taken alive? dead? which would you prefer? ❞  

[calltomuster]

oh my gooshhhh my first ao3 friend is doing prompts and is amazing always ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

“I thought I’d never see you again,” with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan?

I'm so honored to be your first AO3 friend! Thanks so much for the prompt and for your endless patience on this, @the-last-kenobi!

From these caretaker dialogue prompts: 10. "I thought I'd never get to see you again."

"Obi-Wan!"

Anakin's scream was strangely muffled, like Obi-Wan was hearing it from underwater. He felt numb except for the heat spreading in his chest, flooding it with warmth where the rest of his body went cold. When he looked down, he saw the red lightsaber poking through the space just next to where his heart rested.

He blinked, confused, then raised his head to see Anakin running towards him, but now his vision was shifting, lowering, twisting, and Obi-Wan realized his legs had given out from under him and he hit the ground. It did not hurt. Nothing hurt. He just felt that hazy warmth carrying him away, away...

The next moment he was aware, he was in a soft white void. Light and shadows dappled together to form some sort of depth, but beyond that he could not make out any sort of surroundings. What really struck him was the Force in this space. It was stronger here than he had ever felt before. Stronger than sharing a bond with Anakin, stronger than a group meditation with Master Yoda, stronger than being on Mortis. It was like... like it was the Force.

Then it hit him, and he felt dumb for not realizing sooner. The visage that appeared in front of him only confirmed it.

"Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon Jinn said, sounding confused. "This isn't... You're not supposed to be here yet."

"Master," Obi-Wan smiled, a light peace settling inside him. So he was one with the Force now. That was alright, he supposed. It had to happen sooner or later, and if the Force deemed it right that now was his time, who was he to argue?

He told this to Qui-Gon, who continued to look puzzled and slightly off-put.

"No, it wasn't," Qui-Gon said.

Obi-Wan frowned. "Wasn't what?"

"Wasn't the will of the Force," Qui-Gon replied. "This wasn't the will of the Force."

Now it was Obi-Wan's turn to be confused. "Well, I'm here, aren't I?"

Qui-Gon peered at him, looking down as he always did. Even in death, the Force had not corrected their height difference. "Yes. You are."

"So it must have been the will of the Force."

It was then that Qui-Gon took on a face that was dearly familiar to Obi-Wan. It would appear that they were about to depart down the well-treaded path of arguing differing Force philosophy opinions. "Saying that everything happens because of the will of the Force implies that we have no free will."

Obi-Wan obligingly took up the opposing side of the argument. "Does it matter that the choices are preordained if we choose them freely? That is, that we ourselves still feel that we have that choice, and only the Force knows which one we will inevitably pick?"

"Yes," Qui-Gon pressed, brow furrowing together in the way it only did when he was particularly passionate about something. "Because in the end there really was no choice."

"But we believe we have that choice, and isn't that really all that matters?"

Before Qui-Gon could respond, Obi-Wan shook his head and held up his hand. "No, enough. That's not really the point."

"Of course you leave me without a space for rebuttal," Qui-Gon huffed, but smiled. "Regardless, it's good to see you, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan blinked away the tears that had suddenly appeared. "I thought I'd never get to see you again."

"Whyever not?"

"Because this isn't what happens when you die!" Obi-Wan exclaimed. "You become one with the Force, not, not," he gestured at Qui-Gon, "this!"

"We are one with the Force right now, are we not?"

Obi-Wan took a breath, then continued. "Yes, but we shouldn't be ourselves still. We should have returned to the endless pool of energy in the universe."

Qui-Gon shrugged. "The sum of the amount of knowledge in the entire universe of what the Force of capable of could fit inside the palm of my hand."

"So the Force allowed you to retain your consciousness?"

Qui-Gon smiled at him. "I thought you said everything that happened was the will of the Force. Why are you questioning this?"

He had to resist the urge to sputter and say because that's not how the Force works! But of course, Qui-Gon was right. They could never hope to possibly understand the Force, and in the end it was folly to try.

"Alright. So what happens now?"

Qui-Gon looked at him. "I suspect you'll wake up soon."

"...Wake up? Wake up where?"

"Back on... Where was it? Cato Neimoidia?"

Obi-Wan nodded, confused. "But I'm one with the Force."

"For the time being, yes, but as I said, this was not the will of the Force."

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said things didn't happen because of the will of the Force, Master."

"Ah, so you are deliberately misunderstanding my argument again. What I said was that not everything happens because of the will of the Force. Someday you will understand, my very young Padawan."

"Not as young as I once was," Obi-Wan smiled softly. He had truly missed this, this banter with Qui-Gon. It took a few years after Naboo for him to stop turning to his side and expecting to give or receive some witty riposte. Anakin eventually learned, and that was greatly enjoyable in its own way, but it was never quite the same as it had been with his Master.

Qui-Gon returned his soft smile. "No, not as young as you once were. You've grown into a fine man, Obi-Wan. I'm very proud of you."

Obi-Wan looked down, away, anything to hide the tears that arose upon hearing those words. Words he had dreamt of hearing, once upon a time. Words he'd hoped to hear at his Knighting ceremony. Words he woke up one day realizing he would never be able to receive. But now he had, and it was the most precious gift he could have asked for. But he knew deep down he did not deserve it.

When he had composed himself, he opened his mouth to speak again, but did not raise his head. He was too much of a coward to say this head on. "I fear I have disappointed your teachings, Master."

"Oh?"

"I have been angry, arrogant, judgmental. I have not been mindful of the Living Force as much as I should have been. I did my best in training Anakin as you asked, but sometimes I think I have only passed my flaws onto him too."

"Look at me, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said gently, and Obi-Wan meekly met his eyes. "You are a sentient being. Yes, you have made mistakes, as everyone has. But you have done your best. And you have done well. You are compassionate, and wise, and brave, and resilient, and you have done your best to spread these qualities to everyone around you. And I am proud of you, Padawan."

Obi-Wan huffed out a laugh, because it was the best of the options in front of him to release the emotion welling up inside. "All thanks to you, Master."

"Oh no," Qui-Gon said. "I gave you tools, but it was up to you to decide what to do with them. In the end, Padawans rise and fall on their own merits." He gave Obi-Wan a strange look at that, but it passed so quickly Obi-Wan half thought he might have imagined it. Qui-Gon finished, "And you have risen."

"Qui-Gon," Obi-Wan said, shaking his head slightly. He didn't quite know what to do with all of this, like he wasn't equipped to carry all these kind words with him.

"I just wanted to tell you that before the Force takes you back," Qui-Gon said, folding his arms in his robes. "It will not be long now."

"Will of the Force," Obi-Wan mumbled as he finished composing himself again.

Qui-Gon laughed. "We'll have another chance to argue this. Perhaps sooner than you'd think."

Obi-Wan looked up at him, alarmed. Would he truly be joining the Force again so soon?

"No, not like that," Qui-Gon said. "You'll see."

He was giving Obi-Wan a very particular smile, one that from experience Obi-Wan knew meant he wouldn't be able to pry any answers out of the man. Best to drop the matter.

All of a sudden, something occurred to him. "Will I remember this when I go back?" Would he remember what Qui-Gon had told him?

"No." Qui-Gon's smile turned sad. "It will be like waking up from a dream that grows further and further away the more you try to hold on to it."

Obi-Wan nodded melancholically. It would have been too much to hope for, perhaps. "Then remind me when we see each other again, alright?"

"Of course, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon replied, getting fainter both in voice and appearance. Or perhaps that was Obi-Wan, and not him. "May the Force be with you."

And with you, Obi-Wan tried to say back, but then his ears were ringing with the chaos of battle and his chest was burning something fierce and his eyes were hazily focusing on Anakin's frantic face, and then he could not remember why he had even been wanting to say the words in the first place.

Thanks for reading! Requests are currently closed!

[myhockeyworld87]

Not So Dangerous Liaison - Sidney Crosby - Part 22

Word Count: 2,440

POV: Sidney’s

Warngings: Language

Notes: So it’s been a hot minute for this story. Sorry about that guys, but thank you for being patient with me. As always love your feedback and Happy Reading!

Not So Dangerous Liaison Masterlist

You couldn't believe that (Y/N) just wanted to up and go to Pittsburgh without even thinking about telling you. Well, she actually did tell you; it's just she'd made all the plans without giving any thoughts about what you wanted, and that's what aggravated you the most. She could've at least wanted you to drive her to the airport, but no, she'd simply called your sister to have her do it instead. It was going to be almost a month before you were able to see her and that just wasn't acceptable.

You were driving around in your car, not knowing where you were going until you landed at Nate's house. It was probably for the best that you didn't head to your parents, for they would probably take (Y/N)'s side. Nate was at the door before you could even ring the bell. "Hey man, what's up?"

 "Can I stay here tonight?"

 "Uh, sure." He stepped aside so that you could enter. "You and (Y/N) have a fight?"

 "Something like that."

 "Anything you want to talk about?"

 "Not really." Nate just sort of gave you a look. He didn't ask you anything more about (Y/N) the rest of the night which you appreciated. Instead, the two of you just ordered food and played video games, like you were twelve-years-old and not professional athletes. It was a nice change of pace but as you laid in Nate's guest bed tossing and turning you were regretting not being with (Y/N). Maybe she would have a change of heart and end up staying. That was doubtful, considering they needed her at the house, and she took her job very seriously. There was always the off chance that she would fly there then fly back. That option seemed more realistic and the one that you hoped would happen as you laid there staring up at the ceiling.

 Eventually, you were able to fall asleep, but it seemed like hours before that actually happened. You headed off to train with Nate in the morning like you usually did. As the two of you were warming up, he broached the subject again. "So ready to talk about what happened yet?"

 "It's stupid really. They need (Y/N) back in Pittsburgh. I told her that I wanted to go with her and she said no because we were in the middle of training here."

 Nate just waited for you to say more, but you didn't. "And you're mad about that because?"

 "Well, she could fly back after she takes care of things, but she's not. She's just going to stay in Pittsburgh for the next month while I stay up here."

 "Isn't it more like three weeks?"

 "God, you sound like her now." (Y/N) had argued the same point last night. "I mean I suppose if you want to get technical about it, it's three weeks and a day."

 "Weren't you already cutting training short to go back with (Y/N) though? Like I thought you'd at least be here another week or so."

 "Maybe, but she didn't need to know that."

 You could see Nate thinking things through, at least he was finally understanding your side of the story. "So, let me get this straight. You left your house mad because your girlfriend has to go back to work and she wants you to stay here so that you're ready for the season?" When he put it like that, it didn't sound the way it had in your head, so instead of answering you just nodded. "And she's flying back when?"

 "Today."

 "Now wait, maybe I'm confused again," he said giving you a dumbfounded look. "But you're clearly upset because you won't be spending time together, right?" Again, you nodded. "So, instead of spending your last night with her, showing her all the things she's going to be missing in the next couple weeks you spent them at my house, eating pizza and playing call of duty?"

 God, you were an idiot. Nate was right, you should've spent the night with (Y/N) giving her a reason to want to fly back here, or at least let you fly back to Pittsburgh early. "Fuck, I'm stupid."

 "Yeah, you are."

 You side-eyed Nate, but you knew he wasn't going to let it slide. Checking your watch, you noticed you had about an hour until her she'd have to leave for her flight. You could run home real quick, tell her your sorry, and maybe show her what she would be missing. "I'll be back in an hour." Nate just winked at you and laughed, and you vaguely heard him say something like 'Go get her buddy.' But you weren't one hundred percent sure.

 Luckily, where you and Nate trained was only a ten-minute drive from your house and you made it there in record time. You rushed inside the door, not even sure if you left the car running or not. "(Y/N)!" you yelled as you looked around for her bags. You'd thought they'd be by the door waiting for Taylor. "(Y/N)!" Running upstairs, you opened the bedroom door, to find the bed neatly made. You threw open the closet doors, checking to see if she'd left anything in there. She hadn't. Her side was completely bare, except for the hangers which were empty. Your heart started to sink. Maybe Taylor had just picked her up early and you could get her to turn around. You dialed her number, but it went straight to voicemail, so you tried Taylor instead.

 "Hey Sid," she said and you noticed she had a very cool tone with you.

 "Tay, is (Y/N) with you? You're not too close to the airport yet, are you? I mean there's still time to turn back around."

 "Sid, (Y/N)'s not with me. She took an earlier flight when someone," Taylor paused and you knew that she was pissed at you as well. "Decided to not come home last night. She didn't even let me take her, just called an Uber to drive her. I don't know what the hell happened between you two, but you fucked up big time brother."

 "I know that, why do you think I hauled ass home." You blew out a frustrated breath that she was already on her way to Pittsburgh. "Now what do I do?" You kept going before Taylor could even say a word. "Normally, I'd just jump on a plane and try and make things better, but I have a feeling that's the last thing (Y/N) wants me to do, but I can't just do nothing, you know?"

 "I repeat, you fucked up big time."

 "Thanks, you're so much help."

 "Look, you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. All I know is that you better fix it, because (Y/N) is the best thing that's happened to you besides hockey."

 "I know that." Taylor scoffed at your response. "Ok, so I might have had a lapse in judgment last night." And now you were regretting it, but you had no idea what to do.

 "I think it's safe to say, you better give her some time to cool off. I'm sure she's heading over to the house to get things straightened out as soon as she lands. Just call her tonight and…well grovel."

 It wasn't the best plan in the world, but what else could you do. "Thanks, sis, I'll definitely do that." The two of you said your goodbyes and then you made a quick call to your florist in Pittsburgh to have flowers delivered to (Y/N) as a peace offering. Only after that did you head back to the training facility. You threw yourself into the workout, trying to forget that (Y/N) was now in Pittsburgh and that you wouldn't see her when you got home tonight or any other night for the next couple of weeks. It was frustrating, but as Nate tried to remind you later on in the day, that was the way most relationships were. The fact that (Y/N)'s job with the organization let you see her every day was a bonus; a luxury that most players didn't have.

 It was around seven in the evening that you walked into the empty house. You'd picked up something for dinner on the way home and sat in the living room eating with Sammy watching, while you debated on what to say to (Y/N) when you called. You worried that she wouldn't answer the phone and that she'd send you straight to voicemail, so whatever you said had to be good enough to get her to call you back.

 It was something you didn't have to worry about, as she answered on the second ring. "Hey, Sid." She wasn't her usual jovial self, but she didn't seem extremely angry either. In all honesty, you couldn't really read her tone.

 "Hey (Y/N)." There was a pause as your mind went completely blank. "I'm sorry." It wasn't the fancy apology you had planned but it was heartfelt.

 "I'm sorry too, Sid." You really didn't know what she had to be sorry about. "I should've called you the minute I knew I had to come back to Pittsburgh." Before you could say anything, she continued. "And I should've let you drive me to the airport."

 When she finally took a breath, you jumped in. "No, you have nothing to be sorry for. You were just doing your job, and I…well, I was acting like a brat." She laughed then, and you would've given anything at that moment to see her smile. Why you hadn't facetimed her, you weren't sure at this moment, other than you were a coward. "I should've never stormed out of the house like that and not come back, that was completely juvenile of me."

 "It was, I won't argue that. I wish you would've stayed so we could work things out."

 "I promise that it won't happen again." Though you didn't plan on fighting with her again either. "I really am sorry (Y/N). Can you forgive me?"

 "Always." And just like that the world seemed right again, only you couldn't kiss her or hold like you wanted to, but you would definitely make up for that in a few weeks.

 "So, how's Pittsburgh? Is the roof still on my house?"

 "Pittsburgh is good, and I'm assuming your house is fine or someone would've called."

 "Aren't you there now?"

 "Um no, I'm at my place. Why would I go to your place if you're not there?"

 "Why wouldn't you?"

 "Because that's your house and I have one of my own." You could hear the irritation in her voice and knew you were headed down a slippery slope but you went anyways.

 "We've been living together for months now, so why wouldn't I think that that would continue."

 "Maybe because you never asked me to move in with you."

 "I didn't think I had to." As soon as the words were out of your mouth you wanted to take them back. They felt wrong, even to your own ears, and now you knew why you hadn't facetimed her, it was so that she couldn't see you wince when you fucked upped like you just did. "I didn't…"

 She was about to say something when you heard a man in the background yell. 'Hey (Y/N), the food's here.'

 "Who the hell is that?" She'd literally been gone for less than twenty-four hours and she already had a guy over at her house. You were livid. How could she do that to you? "We had one fight and you're already fucking someone else?"

 "Are you fucking kidding me right now Sidney? Did you really just say that?" She was yelling but then so were you. "You're un-fucking-believable you know that. I would never in a million years do that." Somewhere deep down you knew she was right, but at that moment you were too angry to see it. "For your information, I ran into Cully at the airport, and since Bridget and the kids are still in Minnesota, I invited him over to grab some take out. If you don't believe me you can call and ask him."

 Fuck, you knew Matt had been planning on going back to Pittsburgh early; you'd talked to him on the phone about it the other day. Now you felt like a complete ass. "(Y/N), I'm sorry…"

 "Save it, Sid. I don't want to hear it. Goodbye." She hung up the phone then, you could imagine her slamming it down if it actually been a regular one and not her cell. You pulled her number back up and called her back hoping to apologize. It went straight to voicemail.

 On the third attempt, you decided to leave a message. "(Y/N), I'm so incredibly sorry. Of course, I didn't think that you were sleeping around. Jesus, I don't know what's gotten into me. I sorry. I'm just so fucking sorry, babe. Please pick up the phone." You hung up, planning on waiting five minutes before calling her back, only you made it two. She still didn't pick up. Your only option was to try and call Cullen. He actually did answer.

 "Look Sid, I know you want to talk to her, but it's not a good idea right now."

 "Please, I just need to tell her how sorry I am. I fucked up man and I need to make it right."

 There was a pause on the line and you hoped that Matt was somehow convincing her to get on and talk to you. "She doesn't want to talk to you right now, Sid, and for the record, nothing is going on with the two of us."

 "Jesus, I know that. I just…fuck." If you could only talk to her. Make her see that you were just being a jealous idiot, that you loved her so damn much you couldn't see straight.

 "Just give her some time. I'm sure she'll come around," Matt told you. "And not like five minutes ok. Like some real time. I've been in your shoes before. She'll forgive you."

 "God, I hope so." You really, really hoped so, because there was no way in hell you could lose her over something like this. "Tell her I'm sorry."

 "I will."

 Matt went to hang up but you stopped him. "Wait…tell her I love her too."

 "Will do man." With that, Matt hung up the phone, while yours dropped to the floor, as you put your head in your hands. You'd really fucked it up time this time, and if she took you back it'd be a  miracle.

[five-rivers]

Maybe a Secret Saturday and DP crossover with the Fenton's being approached to join the Secret Scientists. The parents are quickly deemed too biased against ghosts to join until further notice. Their kids, on the other hand. The son's not quite a scientist, but he has potential. And their daughter would be perfect.

“Remind me why I’m doing this again?”

Doc gave Zak a look.  “Because the Secret Scientists need new members.  Potential members need to be screened by existing members.  And the Fentons have kids your age.”

Zak raised a skeptical eyebrow.  “I don’t exactly get along with ‘kids my age.’”  It was true.  Ulraj and Wadi were exceptions to the rule, and even interactions with them had been rough at first.  It had been four years since he met them, and they were still just about his only friends.  

Zak just didn’t do ‘normal’ very well.  Sure, he could integrate himself into a group for the sake of information gathering, but that usually didn’t last very long.  Thirty minutes, tops.  

“I know,” said Doc.  “But sometimes people will say things to and around kids that they wouldn’t otherwise, and we want to be thorough.  Make sure we’re inviting ethical people.  No more Abbies.”

“I guess that makes sense,” said Zak.  He sighed.  He knew Fisk wouldn’t be able to come.  Most of the time, they were able to get away with people assuming he was a guy in a suit, or just ignoring him in favor of much more obvious, more immediately dangerous cryptids, but that wouldn’t be something they could get away with when it came to prolonged contact.  

It never seemed fair to Fisk.  

(Cryptids always seemed to get the short end of the stick.  Even the ones who were as intelligent as any human.)

“You don’t have to be friends with them,” said Doc, putting a hand on Zak’s shoulder.  “Just like we don’t have to accept the Fentons into the Secret Scientists...  But give it a chance?”

“Okay,” said Zak, shrugging.  “A chance.”

.

Danny loved his parents.  They loved him.  He knew that they were brilliant scientists who had made incredible breakthroughs in a difficult and poorly regarded field.  They deserved recognition and funding.  They had no colleagues with whom to correspond or test ideas with.  They had no real friends.  They deserved that, too.  

All in all, Danny thought they deserved the position in the think tank that was about it interview them.  

But Danny felt sick at the idea of them spreading their biased and hateful theories about ghosts to yet another group.  He hated the very thought of even more people, more scientists, more people who were trying to do good in the world, calling him and the other ghosts evil just because of the way they existed.  

But he didn’t know how to stop it.  Not without revealing himself, and he was too much of a coward to do that.  

... Maybe he could convince their kid he was a jerk?

Ugh, no.  As inconsiderate as he could be unintentionally, he was incapable of being a jerk on purpose.  Unless the person deserved it.  

(Jazz had once theorized that it had to do with his ghostly Obsession of helping others.  Danny theorized that not all aspects of his personality had to do with him being a ghost.  Jazz had dropped the theory shortly thereafter.)

He was worried.  

Could pull a Harry Potter and drop a cake on someone’s head.  Would that work?

Unlikely.  

There was one option, but it was a bit of a longshot.  He could tell the interviewers that he had doubts about his parents’ work and conclusions.  But would they believe him?  He was just a teenager.  Easy to dismiss.  

What if he approached them as Phantom?

(What if they were just as gun-happy as his parents?)

This was hard.  

He sighed, and swung himself off his bed.  Regardless of what he actually did, he needed to make himself ‘presentable,’ otherwise he’d never hear the end of it.  

Although, concerning his appearance and his secrets...  He tugged lightly on the lock of gray hair he’d sprouted lately.  It had become a nervous habit.  One he really needed to stop, because drawing attention to white hair on his head was not something he wanted to do.  

Maybe be should start dying his hair?

“Danny?” called Maddie from downstairs.  “The Saturday’s are here!  Come on down!”

Danny clattered down the stairs, being loud on purpose (the better to be undetected when he wanted to be quiet).  

The Saturdays...  Huh.  Danny had not expected to ever see another family wearing jumpsuits.  Much less orange jumpsuits.  Jack looked overjoyed.  

The Saturdays’ jumpsuits looked just slightly more combat ready, however.  Danny’s stomach, which had already been sitting rather low in his chest, plummeted. 

He did not foresee this going well in any way, shape, or form.  

He forced himself to turn his attention towards the son.  Who was color coordinated with his parents, but not, thankfully, wearing a jumpsuit.  

(Interestingly, he did, however, appear to be armed.)

“Hi,” said Danny, waving slightly in greeting.  

“This is our son, Danny,” said Maddie.  “Our daughter, Jazz, is at a study group right now, but she should be home before too long.  Danny, this is Doctor Solomon Saturday, his wife, Drew, and their son, Zak.”

Zak smiled at Danny in a slightly strained, awkward way.  His teeth were just a little sharper than human average.  There were flecks of orange and gold in his eyes.  

This was a person who wasn’t quite human.  

Maybe this would be easier than Danny thought.  He tugged on his lock of white hair.  “Prematurely grey buddies, huh?” he said.  

“Oh,” said Zak, touching his own, much larger, tuft of white hair.  “Yeah.  I guess so.”

“Um,” said Danny, acutely aware of all the parental eyes on him.  “Video games?”

“Sure,” said Zak.  

“Great,” said Danny.  “Let’s go.”

.

Zak followed Danny upstairs.  

He was 99% certain the other boy wasn’t entirely human.  He wasn’t sure if it was simply intuition, or some remnant of his Kur powers, but he would put money on it.  If, well, he had anyone who’d bet with him.  

(Doyle, maybe, but Doyle wasn’t here.)

(Where had this intuition been with Argost?  That’s what he wanted to know.)

“So,” said Danny, rocking slightly.  “Do you play Doom?”

“Now and then,” said Zak.  “Kinda prefer older games.”

“How old?”

“Uh...  I kind of like the pokemon games on the 64?”

“Oh, yeah, I’ve got a couple of those,” said Danny.  “Um.”  He flopped down in a beanbag chair.  “Just... make yourself at home, I guess?”

“Thanks,” said Zak, managing to catch the controller Danny tossed at him and sitting in the desk chair.  

“So...” said Danny, not making a move to turn on the system.  “This is going to be weird to ask, but, um.  Do your parents know you’re not totally human?”

Zak stared.  He... hadn’t expected Danny to be able to tell that he had been Kur, much less come right out and ask him about it.

“Or...  you know what, forget I said anything.  It’s just a joke, haha, so, games-”

“Do yours know?”

Danny frowned.  “That you’re not human?” 

“No, that you aren’t human.”

Danny looked away.  “No,” he said, fiddling with the controller.  “They’re not... very good about that kind of stuff.  If your parents are, that’s good.  It’s just...”  He rubbed the cord of the controller between his fingers.  “Mom and Dad are great at the technical side of things, but they don’t like being wrong.  And they think ghosts are unfeeling and mindless, so...”

“Oh,” said Zak.  “Um.  Are you,” he stopped, realizing that asking someone if they were dead was probably not a great idea.  He slumped down in his seat.  “I’ll tell my parents.”

“Yeah, if you could not tell them about me and just, like, the other bit, that’d be great.”

“I can do that,” said Zak.  

.

Jazz carefully placed an envelope under the windshield wiper of the Saturdays’ car.  Knowing her brother, he was probably going to try something dramatic, but if these people were serious about being scientists, she was sure they would take evidence and data regarding the intelligence of ghosts much better.  

And Danny had thought he was just humoring her when he helped her interview those ghosts!  Thought she had no other motives other than curiosity!

Well.  Honestly, he was right.  Back then, she didn’t know there was a think tank considering inviting her parents to join.  

But, hey, it came in handy, didn’t it?

.

“It’s such a shame,” said Drew, writing her recommendation against the Fentons joining the Secret Scientists.  “They seemed like such nice people.”

“Yeah, but if both their kids are telling us they shouldn’t be let in,” said Zak, “and they don’t even know about the Secret Scientists, they think you’re just part of a think tank, how nice can they really be?”

Drew made a face, and reached over to give Zak a quick hug, which he just as quickly escaped.  

“The daughter, though,” said Doc.  “She has a good foundation, here, with her research.”

“Maybe once she graduates high school,” said Drew.  “We have scholarships, don’t we?  Or maybe an internship...  Cryptid psychology might interest her...”

“What about Danny?” asked Zak, yelping as Fisk snuck up behind him and poked him.  

“Hrrade hhr hrend?” said Fisk, slyly.

Zak narrowed his eyes.  “Maybe,” he said.  

“We’ll keep an eye on them,” promised Doc.  “All the Fentons.  Just in case.”

[blossom-hwa]

Brave - CHAN

I honestly still can’t believe I’ve finished this? There was a time I didn’t think I’d get to writing this fully until 2021 lmao?? And now it’s the longest fic in the whispers of nature series I need to go lie down

Dedicated to @wingkkun​ because screaming to Kai was like 95% of the reason I wrote this so fast <3 I also appreciate your fanart SO MUCH you are the entire reason tbz has such a presence in this fic!!

(reposted for... the second time without gifs AND links if it doesn’t work I'll cry)

Pairing: Chan x fem!reader

Genre: fluff, angst, nature spirit!au

Triggers: mild descriptions of violence (nothing graphic)

Word Count: 12.9k

Through tears, heartbreak, and a bit of love, Chan teaches you how to be brave once again.

SKZ Masterlist | Whispers of Nature

Red is simultaneously a color of love and a color of death. It is the color of passion, the color of a bride’s dress and the roses she carries down the aisle, but also the color of blood seeping slowly out of an open wound.

Right now, watching the wedding, surrounded by pale red flowers and silks and draperies, you feel as though you’re sitting at a funeral.

Your dress isn’t red, of course. No matter how much you wish you could leave the elegant hall and run away forever, you wouldn’t disrespect the bride in such a fashion. Not only is she the crown princess of your kingdom, she is also kind, a gentle, intelligent, bright woman who will be a brilliant queen when she is crowned tomorrow.

No wonder she is the love of your best friend’s life.

Something in you itches to just start screaming, to draw your sword and ruin the festivities. But you have no sword, only a sparkling ivory gown chosen by the kind princess herself. Today, as Jacob said, you are here as a friend. Not as a knight, not as a guard, not as a protector. A friend.

Somehow, that word feels so much worse than a cold “protector” would.

The dress is shimmering white, pale and beautiful, dotted with small crystals that shimmer like clouds and stars. It should make you feel lighter than air, light with happiness for your best friend and the woman he is marrying.

But the soft fabric feels cloying on your skin, heavy and strange and choking. It’s not that you can’t wear a dress – no, you’ve gone undercover many times at balls and galas as an unseen eye to protect Jacob, after he took his place as his father’s heir. It’s the situation.

This gown was made with good intentions. The heaviness in your heart has dragged those good intentions away, replacing them with dread, anger, guilt, and sadness.

At the altar, somewhere simultaneously very close and very far away, Jacob smiles at his bride-to-be, holding her soft hands between his rougher ones, reciting the vows that will bind them for the rest of their lives. You stifle the urge to place your hands over your ears.

Oh, spirits.

He says the word “love,” and you have to fight the visceral flinch that threatens to tear through your body.

His bride’s words are not quite as painful as his. You didn’t know her as well as you knew him (does she know his favorite color is burgundy, a red between scarlet and purple, the color of roses on the darkest night?), so her vows don’t sting as much. But there’s pain just the same – throbbing, subtle, never harsh but ever present.

The neckline of your dress feels too hot against your skin.

With sick dread, you listen to her voice taper away, see the trembling smile on her face as she stares into the face of the nobleman’s son. Jacob stares back with all the stars of the sky in his eyes.

(Did he never notice that you looked at him the same way?)

The priest takes their hands, guides them through the “I dos.” They are a radiant couple, pure red covering pale skin and silky hair.

Your heart, smothered in innocent white cloth, cries.

The priest’s next words ring through your head, rattling around your mind with a force to rival the club that gave you last year’s concussion. “You may kiss the bride,” you hear, muffled as though he is speaking through water.

The red-covered couple leans in close. One of Jacob’s hands cups her cheek almost reverently, while the other gently grasps her fingers. He looks at her like she hung the moon that illuminates the red roses of his night.

You’re a knight. You’re one of the Guard. You’re brave, courageous, able to face down any foe without hesitation, ready to fight to the death for your country and the people that you love.

As their lips touch, you close your eyes.

(You’re a coward.)

. . . . .

Your boots echo loudly on the hard marble floor. As you approach the throne, the large, wooden doors swing shut behind you with a soft thud. You sink to your knees, head bowed.

“Rise,” your queen says, her voice lilting and sweet and perfect in the shining chamber. Her king consort, your best friend (is he still your best friend? You aren’t quite sure), sits by her side.

Respectfully, you stand, careful to hide any vestiges of pain on your face. It’s been several months since the wedding, and you’ve gone back to the Crown’s Guard, assigned to protect the king and queen and train the guards for their duties.

The metal of your armor, though heavier than the ivory dress that still hangs in your closet, feels lighter on your body. It is protection, from swords and words and emotions.

“We received the request for your leave of absence,” the queen says. Her eyes convey the perfect amount of sadness and wisdom. “We would be sorry to see you go.”

Jacob looks at you beseechingly. He wants you to change your mind, to stay as his friend and protector. Your mind tells you that you should stay – after all, you know little of the other kingdoms, of the lands you have decided to travel and explore. Staying in the country you know best is the safest option, for you and for the royal family.

But your heart tells you to go, and on this matter, you will listen. You wouldn’t be able to live here long, watching Jacob and his queen rule happily together for the rest of your days. You wouldn’t be able to stomach seeing their children romp around, watching them dance together at balls, hearing the cries of the common folk singing praises of the royal couple.

“However, though it pains us to see such a trusted member of the Guard gone, it is your life, and we wish for you to live it to the fullest.” The queen smiles gently, holding out a folded letter. “This contains a copy of your signed request, as well as a letter of recommendation to any future employer you may seek.”

She’s kind. So kind. Your throat closes up as you take the letter, and you can barely choke out a “thank you, Your Majesty.”

“And do remember,” Jacob adds, “that you will always have a place in our guard, should you choose to return.”

“I thank you for your kindness, Your Majesties.” You bow low, touching your hand to your head in a gesture of utmost respect. “I, too, am sad to go. However, I do not doubt that I leave you in very capable hands.” A ghost of your usual smirk appears on your lips. “And I am sure, Your Majesty, that the King Consort has enough skill to keep the two of you safe.”

The queen, being the wonderful lovely woman she is, chuckles slightly. “If he was taught by you, I am sure he will.” She smiles. “We wish you the best, Protector of the Crown.”

. . .

Jacob catches up to you later, just as training has finished for the day. As you bid goodbye to the last recruits, he enters through the back door. You recognize his footsteps and put on a smile as you turn around.

“I could’ve been an attacker, you know,” he says, slipping into the easy banter you’ve established over a decade of friendship.

“You think I don’t recognize your footsteps by now?” The smile stays on your face more easily now, not because the pain is any less, but because you’ve had more practice.

A short silence hangs in the air. Sweat from your hair drips onto your leather tunic, while not a speck of dust lies on the rich silk that clothes your best friend. It reminds you of how far apart you are now.

“Is there really no way I can persuade you not to leave?” Jacob finally asks. His mouth is downturned in the slight pout you’ve grown to love, while his eyes hold the hope that made you fall.

Your mind screams yes. Your heart shouts no.

“Not this time, Cobi.” The nickname slips out before you can even think. “I’ve made my decision. It’s time for me to go.”

Jacob sighs. “Could you at least tell me why?”

You could. Speaking words isn’t as hard as other people think it is. It’s just that once you say them, you can never take them back.

Should you tell him?

His eyes are earnest. They’re honest. They want the brutal truth that you’ve grown accustomed to giving him over the years.

But the easiest lies are those that carry a hint of truth.

“I’ve never traveled.” The untruth falls easily from your lips. “Sure, I’ve gone to the countries where we were called to battle, and I was around when you had to go places for business, but I never got to really see anything. I want to explore, see the world before I’m too old.”

He doesn’t completely believe you. You know that for sure. You can see it in the downturned quirk of his lips, the suspicion as he blinks, but he knows better than to question it. He knows you would tell him everything if you could.

(This time, you can’t.)

“And here I was, thinking I could find you someone in court to repay you for all you’ve done for me.” Jacob smiles, completely unaware of how his words are stabbing holes into your heart. “Visit, all right? You’ll always be welcome here.”

You can almost hear your heart shattering, the pieces breaking off bit by bit as they fall to the floor. But you smile. “I’ll try,” you say, because here you won’t lie and say that you will. You won’t give your best friend, the love of your short life, a promise you may not be able to keep. “I’ll try.”

He hugs you, staining his silken shirt with the sweat of your tunic. You hesitate a moment, then fall into the embrace, taking a final comfort in the strength of his arms. It hurts, but it’s a memory. And even though you want to escape, you don’t want to forget Jacob. Ever.

“I’ll see you off when you go,” Jacob says when you break apart. “Tell me when, all right?”

Should you tell him? you wonder. Will him seeing you off do anything but hurt you more?

It won’t. But your pain means little in the face of Jacob’s, not when you’ve already hurt him so much with your desire to leave. You’ve injured him enough. “I will,” you promise.

Later that night, you wonder if you should have told him the true reason you were leaving. You wonder if you should have confessed everything, laid your heart bare and told him how much he truly means to you.

No, you eventually decide. You’re glad you didn’t. Better to not ruin his happiness with his wife or his remaining memories of you.

(Or maybe you were just too scared to tell him.)

. . .

You set out early in the morning, just as the sun is beginning to peek over the horizon. A part of you hoped that Jacob would be too tired to send you off, but you knew he could never do that. He cares for you.

Just not in the way you care for him.

He meets you at the stables, where you’re outfitting your favorite horse for the journey. In his loose tunic and trousers, it almost feels like the two of you are in your teens again, waking early to train for your positions in the Guard.

Those were the good days, you think. There wasn’t a worry in the world besides making it past the next test. Jacob’s father wasn’t dead, and he didn’t have to leave the Guard to take over his household’s duties. Meanwhile, you had no idea of your feelings. There was no heartbreak.

Better times.

Words aren’t necessary, not this morning. Jacob helps you saddle your horse and store your belongings in silence. If he notices you stiffening – just barely, mind you, you’re much better at hiding it now – when his fingers brush against yours, he doesn’t say anything.

When everything is finished, you linger for a moment more. It hits you that you’re really leaving the place and the people you’ve called home for so long with no intention of coming back.

Jacob’s eyes are sad but tinged with hope when he finally speaks. “You’ll always be welcome here, you know that, right?”

Your chest tightens. You know he’s asking, one more time, for you to stay.

Last chance to tell him, you think. Last chance to clear the air.

But you’re still a coward.

“I know,” you reply. “But I have to go, Jacob.”

He doesn’t ask you why, not this time.

You wrap him in a hug, one last hug before you set off forever. A piece of your heart shatters when he puts his arms around you, squeezing your body to his in that secure, soft hold that’s just so him. So caring, so sweet, so Jacob.

It takes all of your effort not to cry.

“Safe travels, Y/N,” he says as you swing yourself onto the horse. His eyes sparkle. You know he’s holding back tears, too.

You give him one last smile, imprinting the memory of his voice saying your name in your mind. “Thank you, Jacob.”

When you ride away, you only look back once. Jacob smiles in the distance, hand raised in farewell. A small tear on his cheek barely glints in the morning sunlight.

You wave back.

. . . . .

Travel is liberating, truly – though you loved being a knight, there’s something so free about not wearing armor all the time, not having everyone recognize you as one of the Crown’s Guard. You don’t have to listen to anyone, you don’t have to watch out for constant danger. You don’t have to worry about anyone, now, but yourself.

There’s a little guilt in this pleasure, as well as some unease. It’s strange not to follow the strict routine you’ve held yourself to for over a decade, and it’s even weirder not to have someone you are charged to protect.

Well, you have to protect yourself, you guess. But that just… doesn’t come as naturally.

You eventually force yourself stop thinking about it. Thoughts like these weigh down your mind and take away from the joys of exploration, you firmly remind yourself. So you content yourself with roaming small towns and villages, meeting the people, picking up new skills with which to make a living.

(You never knew you were so bad at cooking, but at least you get better.)

The spirits treat you kindly for the first few years. The money from your work as a knight keeps you afloat as you learn to make a new living (you avoid using the queen’s letter – that would draw attention, and you don’t want any of that now), and when that runs out, you put your newfound abilities to use wherever people care to pay you for them.

It’s not a rich existence. Nothing is certain in this life, not the way it was when you lived in the palace barracks and your basic needs were always met. Here, you can rely only on yourself for food and water and shelter.

But it’s enough. Everywhere you go, you meet new people – rich and poor, rude and kind – and it only enhances your wonder at the world around you. Truly, you think, you lived in a bubble before. Now, even though you’re poorer, you can see everything your eyes glanced over as a knight.

(And if you sometimes miss Jacob’s warm smile, even if it never spoke of love as deep as yours, it doesn’t matter. You’ve made your decision. You won’t go back.)

It isn’t like you’re losing your fighting skills, either. You still have your sword, something you refuse to part with no matter how little money you have. There’s plenty of danger – bandits, thieves, rich boys who think they own the streets – and as such, plenty of opportunities for you to keep your senses sharp.

It’s after one of these fights that you meet the moon child, Changbin. He appears in the dark alley after you’ve knocked the last man out and takes concern with the bleeding wound on your upper arm.

“I’m fine,” you try to tell him as he firmly guides you away from the alley and towards a dark patch of trees. “I’m fine – hey, please let go of me.”

Hearing the urgency in your voice, he drops your arm. Your hand immediately goes to the sword at your hip. “Where are you taking me?” you snap, eyes flickering toward the trees.

He reddens. “I’m so stupid,” he mutters to himself, rubbing his forehead. “I stay in the woods,” he explains. “If you’ll let me take you there, I can help you clean your wound.”

Your eyebrows furrow. “You stay in the woods?” you repeat, incredulous. “Why –”

A breeze shifts his hair away from his ear, revealing a pure white flower dangling from a slim chain, glowing in the moonlight.

A moon child.

Oh.

In all of your years of traveling, you never thought you would truly meet a spirit.

“My Lord,” you say, dropping hastily to your knees. “I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you earlier.”

“Please, none of that.” The moon child tugs you back up, looking distinctly uncomfortable. “I’m just a moon child, none of the ‘my Lord’ stuff. My name is Changbin.”

Changbin doesn’t turn out to be a bandit masquerading as a moon child, thankfully, so you allow him to clean your wound in his makeshift hut in the middle of the trees. He introduces himself fully as a wanderer. Not a traveler, he clarifies, because travelers roam the world for pleasure. He does it out of necessity.

(The look of desolation in his eyes convinces you not to ask.)

He becomes your companion for months, nearly a year, walking with you from city to city until he decides to part ways in a small village near a forest. By that time, you’re sad to see him go – he’s been a wonderful friend – but like Jacob never asked the reason for your departure, you honor Changbin’s desire for silence.

He does leave you with one piece of advice, “traveler’s wisdom,” he calls it (you punch him in the arm when he says that in this high, haughty voice). “Villagers will tell you that these woods are dangerous,” he says once the two of you have calmed down. “They’ll say it’s haunted by spirits. And there is danger, it’s true, but there is also safety.”

You listen carefully.

“In the heart of the woods, there is a shrine. If ever you find yourself lost or in trouble, go into the forest at the break of dawn and find the shrine. The priestesses will take you in. If you can’t find the shrine by dark, though, leave as fast as you can.” The seriousness in Changbin’s eyes tells you he isn’t joking this time. “The forest isn’t nearly as dangerous during the day as it is during the night.”

So you travel for another year, keeping Changbin’s words in the back of your mind. As you continue, though, money begins to get scarce. These villagers are more suspicious than others you’ve met and aren’t as quick to hire a newcomer, especially one so poor but who bears such a sword (you’ll never sell it, not ever). Their suspicion is understandable, but it doesn’t make anything better for you.

You’re lost, now. You sold your horse and fine clothes a long time ago, leaving you with nothing from your old life but your memories and your sword. You’ve become a wanderer, not a traveler – forced to roam for no reason other than you must.  

Several times, you mull over returning to the Guard. Jacob said he would welcome you back, and the thought of a full stomach and a place to sleep almost make up your mind on the worst nights.

But even though you want to see Jacob again, want to remember his warmth and kindness, a green snake twists its way around your heart, sliding up your throat every time you think of going back to him. He’ll never accept you, not truly, the snake hisses. He’ll never love you the way you love him.

And try as you might, you can’t stomach the thought of facing him again, not when you made the choice to leave.

So you remain a coward, a blind, stupid, stubborn coward. Instead of going to a place you know, a place where you would find care and acceptance, you throw your lot into Changbin’s advice.

You decide to find the shrine.

. . .

You’re on your last coins when you finally make it back to the village where you and Changbin parted ways. As dawn breaks, you take a breath, summoning your last strength, and head between the trees.

It’s eerie, a bit, but so beautiful. As the sun rises, the sky turns a beautiful shade of blue that melds with the trees’ greenery. It almost distracts you from the fact that you legitimately have zero idea where you’re going – Changbin only told you the shrine was at the heart of the forest, nothing else. You’ve been marking your path with stones you picked up along the way, but something tells you that won’t help much if you’re being chased by… an evil spirit. Or something.

(It’s embarrassing and slightly scary to say it, but you don’t think you have the strength anymore to outrun such a spirit, much less fight one.)

Luck seems to finally be on your side, though, because after exhaustedly pushing through a crowd of bushes, you come face to face with a beautiful shrine, surrounded by wild gardens and small stone buildings.

Several young men and women – a few barely older than children – look up at the rustling of leaves. For a few moments, they stare at your undoubtedly grimy, gross face. You only stare back.

It feels like an eternity has passed before one of the young women stands and walks up, a gentle smile on her face. “Hello, traveler.”

“Hello,” you manage, voice croaking with disuse. You clear your throat, face hot. “I’m sorry for intruding. I just… I met… I don’t know if you know him, but I met a moon – a man named Changbin –”

“You met Changbin?” Her eyes take on a new intensity and a sliver of joy.

“Um, yes.” You try to smile. “He told me if I was lost and needed a place to stay, I could try to find the shrine.” Looking down at your dirty hands, you bite your lip in shame. “I’m sorry. I can leave if you want, I’ve just… I don’t have a place to stay. I can cook, clean, anything you need help with. And, um…” You hold out the remaining coins in your pocket. “I have these?”

A rough hand closes your fingers over the money. “Keep your coins, traveler.” The woman smiles widely. “Changbin would only tell a true friend about the shrine, and a friend of Changbin’s is always a friend of ours.”

As she leads you into the shrine, the only thing you feel is guilty, overwhelming, crushing relief. Relief that you won’t have to face Jacob once more. Relief that you won’t have to face your heart once more.

The mere thought of your cowardice makes you cringe.

. . .

The shrine, you learn, is a very busy place. You wake up pretty early the next day, unused to the fact that you have an actual futon now and not just the ground, but already the other two girls in the room are getting dressed. Feeling distinctly out of place, you start to follow suit.

“Oh, you don’t need to get up just yet!” One of them smiles. “You’re a guest, traveler. Take some time to rest.”

“No, it’s all right.” You smile back, hoping it isn’t as awkward as it feels. “I’ve never been able to sleep too late, and I don’t feel right intruding on your hospitality without giving something back in return. Is there anything I can help with?”

So you find yourself in the garden after breakfast, sweating under the sun with a boy around your age named Kevin. He’s cheerful. Very fun company. Somehow, he makes the monotonous task of pulling weeds enjoyable, even takes your mind off of how out of place you feel in this quaint shrine.

Walking back into the shrine after spending the day in the garden, you wave off Kevin’s offer to bring you dinner, telling him you’re going to take a shower instead. But because you’re an idiot, you forget the fact that you have no idea where the showers are.

Kevin’s already walking away, and you honestly feel too embarrassed to call after him and ask. So, ignoring the curious stares you’re garnering from the other girls and boys, you start walking in an arbitrary direction.

It’s a mistake. As the sun sets, you feel like you’ve wandered the grounds at least four times, but you can’t even find a semblance of a shower room in the whole shrine. You’re about to give up when the priestess who welcomed you walks out of a nearby building, followed by a young man with curly blond hair.

You really don’t mean to catch his eye. In fact, you’re drawing away, about to walk in the other direction, when he looks up and fixes your gaze with his. His eyes narrow.

You suddenly feel very uncomfortable.

The priestess – what was her name? Priestess Yang? You think that’s it – turns around and sees you there, immediately breaking into a gentle smile. “Oh, hello, Y/N!”

Sheepishly, you wave. “Hello, Priestess.”

“You welcomed the sword-bearer?” the man interrupts.

What?

You’re not even carrying your sword. You left it back in the room, thinking it might be viewed as a threat if you brought it around. And you’ve never seen this man in your life. So how does he know that about you?

The priestess gives him a scolding look. “Chan, the shrine welcomes those who are lost.”

“But a sword-bearer?” he – Chan – argues. “You do remember what kinds of damage they cause?”

Indignation rises in your chest. He doesn’t even know you, and he’s already making assumptions? “Hey –”

“Changbin told her to find us if she was lost,” Priestess Yang cuts in smoothly. “If Changbin can trust this sword-bearer, I’m sure you can find it in yourself to do so too, Chan.”

Chan just looks at you with undisguised suspicion in his eyes. You glare back. How dare he assume such things about your character?

“Were you looking for someone, Y/N?” Priestess Yang asks, pulling you out of your annoyance.

“Well, no.” The sheepish smile finds its way back to your face. “I was, um, looking for the showers.”

“Oh, they’re just over there! I’ll show you the way.” She pats Chan’s shoulder. “I’ll see you, Chan.”

Chan smiles briefly, then disappears into the air, leaving behind the faintest scent of grass and springtime.

The priestess laughs at the shocked look on your face. “Chan is our forest guardian,” she explains, leading you onto a dirt path. “He helps keep us safe.”

Uneasiness crawls up your spine. “Is that how he knew I had a sword?”

“Yes.” She nods. “He sees everything, knows of all those who travel the forest. It’s part of his Sight.”

A ripple of annoyance passes through your mind.

All that sight, and he couldn’t help me once? you grumble internally. Thanks a lot, guardian.

Suffice to say, even though Priestess Yang encourages you to have an open mind, your opinion of Chan isn’t the highest.

. . .

The discomfort of being the “new traveler” at the shrine stays for a week or so. By then, most of the residents are more or less used to your presence (you just ignore Chan whenever he gives you one of his suspicious looks), and you’ve carved out a small niche for yourself, taking care of the shrine children.

There are more than you expected, surprisingly. You would’ve thought the shrine was primarily made up of older teens, if anything, who could find their way here. When you mention this to Kevin, he gets a faraway look in his eye. “The shrine opens its arms to the lost,” he says in reply. “It makes itself easier to find for children, because they often can’t journey here themselves.”

“Abusive families?”

Kevin bites his lip. “Yes.”

This knowledge only makes you want to protect them more.

As much as you enjoy talking with Kevin in the garden, it’s so much easier to work with the shrine children, you find. They’re sweet and kind, if rambunctious, and you make it your duty to keep them occupied and safe while the older kids and priestesses work.

“Y/N, Y/N!” One of the older children, Yuna, comes running up one afternoon. “Priestess Jeon said you could take us into the forest for a walk!”

“Who else?” you ask. “Not just you, right?”

“Chaeryeong, Sunwoo, and Eric want to come too.” She looks at you with wide, pleading eyes. “Please?”

Your eyebrows furrow as you weigh the merits and dangers of a walk. It’s going to get dark in a few hours, so you can’t stay out long, but if one of the head priestesses agreed, it couldn’t be too bad of an idea. The kids aren’t too young, either. They’ll listen if something goes wrong.

“If you get one of the messenger boys to come, we can go,” you eventually decide. If something happens, at least you’ll be able to send someone off to get help quickly. Just in case, though, you strap your sword to your side.

Juyeon meets you with the four kids at the shrine’s entrance. Your heart sinks a little – you hoped Yuna would find Kevin – but Juyeon is pleasant enough. He returns the smile you flash at him, anyway.

The walk is uneventful, for the most part. Eric and Yuna pepper you with questions about your work as a knight while Sunwoo and Chaeryeong listen in rapture. Really, it hurts a little to talk about your life in years past, but for the kids, you’ll do it. The smiles on their faces are worth it.

When you start walking back to the shrine, though, the air changes. It doesn’t ripple right – the wind feels strange, somehow evil. Juyeon clearly feels it too, from the way his eyes are darting around the trees. With an unspoken agreement, you begin herding the kids along faster.

There’s barely a change in the wind when the thing – whatever it is – swoops down. Only the blur of a wing in the side of your vision alerts you and you shout, pushing Eric out of the owl’s range and drawing your sword.

“What the fuck is that?” you snap, brandishing your blade.

Juyeon’s face is white as he gathers the children. “Screech owl!”

“Screech owl?”

Then the thing – screech owl, you guess – dives down again, and there’s no time to talk.

“Juyeon!” you yell. “Get them out of here!”

He doesn’t argue, just herds the children together and races away. Smart boy.

You’ve never fought an opponent in the air before. It isn’t fun. The owl is fast, too fast, almost like a damn mosquito racing through the air as you try to squash it, only a million times bigger and fiercer.

Your sword slashes through the air as you duck and twist and hide behind trees, feathers fluttering to the grass all around you. Awful shrieks ring through the air and you honestly can’t tell if it’s you or the bird – all of your senses are jumbled up.

Adrenaline courses through your veins even as the sun sets further, washing the forest in pale evening light. The bird seems to take delight in the onset of night – it swoops faster, hoots louder, and is in general just a much bigger asshole than before (if that was possible).

“ARGH!” A claw slices the top of your shoulder. If I had my armor…

But you don’t, so you duck behind another tree. Think, Y/N, think, you tell yourself as you heave deep breaths. Wait, no, don’t think. Thinking gets you killed.

Just listen.

The air is still. You don’t move a muscle.

Then –

The faintest brush of wind on your left.

Your sword cuts through meat and bone, and the owl falls, dead, at your feet.

For a moment, you just stand there, gasping, staring at the blood dripping off your blade and pooling from the owl’s body.

Gross.

“Thank you.”

For not the first time that afternoon, you let out a deathly screech and leap away. Clapping a hand over your heart, you glare at the newcomer.

“… Chan?”

“That’s my name.” The forest guardian raises an eyebrow, looking faintly amused. “Thank you for killing the owl.”

You just look at him, eyebrows fully wrinkled in annoyance and confusion. “If you wanted the owl dead, why didn’t you kill it yourself? You’re the forest guardian, surely you have the power to do that much.”

“I can’t kill things just because I want to,” Chan replies. It should sound antagonistic, you think, but the look in his eyes is softer than he’s ever looked at you. Appreciative, maybe? “It would upset the forest’s balance if its guardian killed one of those who live in its domain. I can only defend the forest against those that mean it deadly harm, not those that are merely dangerous.”

Wiping your sword on the edge of your tunic, you mull that over. “But if the screech owl was too dangerous, wouldn’t that upset the balance of the forest in the end anyway?”

“We weren’t at that point yet.” Chan raises a shoulder in a half shrug. “But you killed it, so we’ll never know if that would’ve happened.”

“You make that sound like it’s a bad thing.”

He laughs. It’s a surprisingly cheerful sound – you thought it might sound like, you don’t know, someone croaking (look, you never had the greatest opinion of Chan until this point, and that’s still in the air). “I don’t think it is,” he finally says. “And I’m sorry. I was wrong about you being like all of the other sword-bearers who came to this forest. You clearly care for the shrine children.”

An apology. That’s something. Grudgingly, you force yourself to see Chan in a better light. “Apology accepted.”

For a few seconds, you just stand there, feeling the air turn more awkward by the second. “Um –”

“Do you need the way back?” Chan interrupts, a knowing glint in his eye.

By all the spirits, why did you have to meet him when you were lost at the shrine? Now he thinks you’re bad with directions, which you swear you’re really not, you just hadn’t been at the shrine long enough to figure it out.

Embarrassment creeps up your skin as Chan’s smirk grows. “… Yes.”

(And, okay, the forest guardian is a little infuriating and you find yourself wanting to hit him several times on the way back. But really, he isn’t that bad. Though you’d rather die than let him know you think that of him.)

. . .

Chan comes back the next day. You don’t expect him there, especially because he never visits the shrine more than one day in a row, but he surprises you with a smile and the offer of a walk.

“This isn’t your plan for killing a sword-bearer without anyone finding out, is it?” you ask, raising a nonplussed eyebrow as you follow the guardian out of the shrine. You’re not sure why, but it’s so easy to fall into banter with Chan the way you used to joke around with the other knights in the Guard.

Chan snorts. “As a centuries-old guardian of the forest, wouldn’t you think I’d have a little more wisdom than to kill you after several people at the shrine witnessed you leaving with me?”

You very visibly keep a hand on your sword just in case.

“So why did you invite me on a walk?” you ask after several moments. Chan’s bare feet are silent against the grass, but your boots make slightly louder thumps as you step over stones and fallen branches. “I know it wasn’t because of my scintillating personality.”

He stops walking. “I’ve heard you used to be a knight,” he says bluntly. “I wanted to know what kind of sword-bearer you were to leave such a prestigious position and even befriend Changbin, of all people.”

“What’s wrong with befriending Changbin?” you ask, desperately dodging the first part of Chan’s implied questions. “You make it sound like he hates… sword-bearers. He literally dragged me away after I beat up a bunch of men in an alley with my sword so he could clean the one wound I got on my shoulder.”

“Ah. That explains it.” Chan nods. “He saw you do good things with your blade.”

“… Yes?”

“Sword-bearers killed the girl he loved,” Chan explains. “Well, archers, really, but swords were involved.”

You swallow. That explains his wandering tendencies. “Oh. Who sent them?”

“The king of Adment.”

The title brings a scowl to your face. “Oh, him.” You spit. “That would explain it.”

Chan looks at you curiously. “You hold a grudge towards him as well?”

“He was never the friendliest to my kingdom,” is your brief reply before diverting the topic again. “So, is that also the reason you hate sword-bearers in your forest?”

“Whenever sword-bearers trespass, they almost always bring destruction.” Chan’s face turns hard. “I’ve learned not to take chances.”

The ages-old anger in his eyes speaks of a wisdom far older than the youthful form Chan takes. You narrow your eyes. “How old are you, exactly? You said centuries, but how many?”

He smirks, though there’s something weary in his gaze. “I’ve been alive for over a millennium.”

“What?”

“I can tell you more about that another day,” he says, teasing. You want to complain that he can’t leave you on a cliffhanger like that, but the sun is beginning to set, and you have things to do at the shrine. “Do you need an escort?”

You resist the urge to punch him, forest guardian or no. “I’m not that bad with directions,” you grouse. “You just caught me on a bad day. I can find my way back.”

He walks you back to the shrine anyway. And day by day, after every conversation you have, he walks you back as well.

Kevin, when you meet him in the garden, remarks that you seem more cheerful after a few weeks. “You look like you’re anticipating something exciting,” he clarifies when you only dignify him with a confused glance. His lips curl into a smirk. “Something about Chan?”

Kevin probably expects you to hit him or roll your eyes, maybe say something snappy in response. Instead, your face only drops as the meaning of his words hits you.

Do you feel something for Chan?

Well, you love to hear about his life. There are some really exciting stories he’s had after living so long. He’s also pleasant to hang around, and you enjoy talking to him.

It’s just curiosity, nothing romantic, you tell yourself. There’s no attraction. Just a slight friendship, maybe. Nothing more.

Nothing like what you felt for Jacob.

“Y/N – hey, Y/N!”

You blink to see Kevin staring at you in concern. “Are you all right? You zoned out for a minute.”

No, definitely nothing like Jacob. You try to smile at Kevin, pushing thoughts of blond hair and kind eyes out of your mind. That’s stupid – you would never let yourself be swayed so badly again. “I’m fine,” you say, hoping you’re telling the truth. “Let’s go get dinner, yeah?”

. . .

As the weeks pass, you begin to wonder just how much was truthful in what Kevin said.

Walks with Chan have become a regular occurrence, now. When he shows up at the shrine entrance every other afternoon, someone immediately calls for you.

And the worst thing is, you feel excited when you hear your name being called, when you’re with the children or scrubbing dishes or working in the garden. Everyone around gives you a knowing glance and maybe a teasing smile as you rush to see the forest guardian.

One part of you wants it. You want to be able to freely enjoy these walks, feeling the soft earth beneath your boots as you listen to Chan speak. The forest itself is interesting – he shows you the overgrown faerie ring, the water nymph’s pond and the accompanying willow tree – but you think his stories are even more intriguing. You like hearing Chan’s voice. You think you’d like to keep hearing it.

The other part of you doesn’t want this, though, doesn’t want the budding warmth that you feel with the forest guardian, even as the months begin to grow colder. It’s not that it doesn’t feel nice – in fact, this is precisely because it does feel nice. Too nice. You’re starting to feel a stirring in your heart that reminds you of how you felt for Jacob. Though it’s small, very small, it’s there – you can recognize it from the years of heartache you spent watching Jacob fall in love with someone else.

You don’t want that again with Chan.

It shames you to want to run away again, to run away from a place that has provided you with so much comfort in the months past. You love the children, truly, and the friends you’ve made are wonderful. You’ve even started giving Juyeon lessons with your sword. But what other course of action is there? There’s no reason a forest guardian with so many centuries of wisdom would fall for a young, naïve human like you. Here, a love story is even more impossible than one with Jacob.

The decision curdles in your stomach, fills your throat with bitter, hot shame, but it’s necessary, you tell yourself. Better to cut everything off right now, before your emotions grow out of control.

You’re not that important to the shrine, really. You’ve only been there a few months. They’ll survive without you.

You just can’t go through the pain you felt with Jacob ever again.

. . .

You debate avoiding Chan. If he were human, you might actually have chosen that path. But just like you couldn’t avoid Jacob when you fell in love – you were too close, he definitely would’ve noticed – you can’t avoid Chan. He’s the forest’s guardian – he’ll know you’re purposely trying not to be found.

So you decide to cut things off on one of your walks. It feels so simple in your mind – get away from the shrine, then tell him you’re leaving. He won’t care, you tell yourself. It won’t matter to him. And as much as the thought hurts, it’s the better option.

It should be easy, really. Chan gives you the perfect opening – “Why do you look so sad today?” he asks, stopping you by Hyunjin’s pond. The nymph himself doesn’t appear, which you’re very thankful for.

Well, no time like the present. You steel yourself. “I’m going to leave the shrine.”

Chan’s face switches expressions several times within seconds. You watch, feeling a sick sense of dread and relief pooling in your stomach. It’s out there. You’ve said it.

But spirits, why does he look so upset? So angry?

Like you mean something to him?

“Why?” he finally asks.

“Well,” you stammer, his unprecedented reaction sending all of the rehearsed words flying out of your mind, “I – I’ve overstayed my welcome, haven’t I? I’ve been here for months already, and I’ve used the shrine’s hospitality long enough.” His incredulous expression sparks indignation in your chest. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Do you realize how much you do for the shrine?” he snaps. His footsteps, usually so silent, pound on the earth as he steps up to you. “You think you’ve overstayed your welcome – do you know how much I – how much the shrine needs you now?”

How much I?

How much I need you?

How much Chan needs me?

Slip of the tongue. You shake your head, trying your best to ignore it. “All I do is help with the children, work with Kevin in the garden! Chan, I’m easily replaceable – I’m just a poor traveler who was fortunate enough to find the shrine! I’m lucky that you’ve all been so welcoming, but really, it’s time for me to move on.”

“And what about the children? Your friends?” He crosses his arms. “What about me?”

“They’ll live!” you snap. “And what do you mean, what about you?”

Chan growls under his breath. “Are you really trying to say that I mean nothing to you?”

His words hit you like a punch in the gut, like that time Jacob accidentally rammed you in the stomach with the pommel of a sword.

So… not a slip of the tongue.

“Why does it matter that you mean something to me when I don’t mean anything to you?” you finally say.

“And here I thought you were smart,” Chan snaps.

Anger flares in your chest. “I’m serious, Chan! Why would I ever think I meant something to you?” You gesture wildly at the expanse of trees surrounding you. “You’re a millennia-old guardian of a forest of magic. I’m a human who ended up here out of luck. Why, even if I ever felt anything for you, would you feel anything for me? What have I done to merit your attention?”

Chan’s eyes soften slightly. “So many things.”

Taken aback, you flail for words. “Elaborate.”

“You’re a sword-bearer. A kind sword-bearer. A sword-bearer Changbin trusts, enough to divulge his name and travel with for almost a year. A sword-bearer he believed was pure enough of heart to find the shrine – and don’t stop me there, if he hadn’t thought you would be able to find it, he wouldn’t have told you of its existence.” Chan stares at you with that same soft look, that soft look that pierces your heart and makes you feel guilty, so guilty, because you’re not as good, not as kind, not as pure as he thinks you are. “You carved your place in the shrine the first day you spent there. Without anyone asking, you took care of the children and helped Kevin in the garden. You did everything you could to give the children a bit of the love they never might’ve experienced otherwise and protected them from a threat you knew nothing of, something that could have torn you to pieces if you weren’t as trained as you were. You –”

“Stop.”

Chan looks at you, confused. “What –”

“I’m not – I’m not even near the brave person you’re describing,” you snap, tears starting to well in your eyes. “Stop talking about me like I’m some – some spirits-damned martyr, or something –”

“But –”

“And even if I was this, this noble and amazing person you think I am,” you interrupt, tears fighting to slip past your eyes, “how many other men and women at the shrine are the same? Kind, gentle, whatever you want to use to describe me? I’m not special, Chan. I’ve never been.”

Jacob didn’t think you were, at least.

“Y/N, why – just – did you not hear anything I just said about you?” Chan tries to take your hand, but you shy away, pretending the hurt in his eyes doesn’t send knives into your chest. “You earned the trust of a moon child haunted by those who carry blades in a matter of months. Those at the shrine took years to gain his full acceptance. You proved me wrong about sword-bearers. You showed me you were fearless, brave, kind – you are special, Y/N,” he insists, forcing you to meet his eyes. “You’ve shown me that, shown me so much –”

“Stop.”

Your chest is heaving, the tears have spilled out, and you’re fighting for breath. It hurts, it hurts so much that Chan thinks this much of you, but all you are is a coward running away your feelings. “You don’t know,” you gasp, “you don’t know what kind of a person I am. I’m not what you see. How can you –” you angrily brush a tear away – “how can you not see that?”

“Then tell me,” Chan says. “Tell me why you’re so different. Convince me.”

You don’t want to. You don’t want to convince him, you want him to always have that beautiful image of you in his mind – a brave, gentle knight dedicated to protecting those who cannot defend themselves. But he deserves the truth.

And the truth is that you are a coward.

“I left my kingdom because I was in love with my best friend,” you spit. “He married the queen, and I couldn’t do anything but watch. I left because I couldn’t stand to see them so happy together, knowing I would only be on the sidelines of their love for the rest of my life. I left because I couldn’t bring myself to tell him how I felt, couldn’t bring myself to clear the air. I left because I wanted to run away instead of facing my problems, Chan! And even when I knew Jacob would always welcome me back with open arms, even during my darkest moments, I still chose to run away! I chose to find the shrine instead of letting my feelings go and reconciling with my friend. I chose to find the shrine and run away a second time because I couldn’t stand to face him again when I was the one who chose to leave.” A choked sob escapes your lips. “And now I’m running away again, because I thought you could never care for me in the way I’m beginning to care for you. Only you apparently do, but I can’t just stay here and let you love this perfect, noble character who doesn’t exist.”

Silence fills the air. Surely the birds are chirping, the leaves rustling, but you can’t hear anything over the pathetic sounds of you trying to control your tears.

“So now you know,” you croak. “You know the truth behind the coward this knight really is.”

You can’t even meet Chan’s eyes.

“You’re right,” Chan finally says. “For a knight, you’re an awful coward.”

His words stab you in the chest.

“Courage doesn’t constitute running away.”

You can feel the blood dripping out of your heart.

“It means facing your challenges head on, doing what you must.”

You clench your teeth, resolutely looking down at your feet. It’s the truth, you tell yourself. It doesn’t matter if it hurts. It’s the truth.

Then Chan’s trousers enter your vision. You stiffen, ready to back away, but Chan’s already tilting your chin up with one gentle finger so that you’re staring into his eyes. “But you’re brave, Y/N,” he murmurs. “You’re brave when it comes to protecting others, defending the innocent from those who would bring harm.” A small smile curves his lips. “You’re just not too good at protecting yourself.”

You burst into tears. And this time, when Chan presses you into his chest, letting you inhale his woodsy smell of fresh grass and sunlight, you don’t pull away.

. . .

“You don’t have to run away from attachment,” Chan tells you on the walk back to the shrine. “You don’t have to run away from familiarity, from caring about people. We care about you, truly. The children would be heartbroken if you left. So would Kevin and Juyeon and everyone else.” He gives you a gentle smile. “I would be, too.”

Keeping his words in mind, you put away your thoughts of leaving the shrine and try to open your eyes to how much people actually enjoy your presence. Some days, when the self-loathing rises and you don’t want to do anything but run away, it’s hard.

But Chan always finds you, if not the same day, then the day after. He takes you into the woods and tells stories until your sides ache from laughter and the sparkle – or so he tells you – is back in your eyes. With his slow, careful help, you begin to see the small, but visible effects you have on the shrine.

Eric’s and Chaeryeong’s eyes light up when you walk into the room. Sunwoo and Yuna fight for your attention. Juyeon’s calm face breaks into a smile when you show up for his daily swordplay practice, and Kevin laughs with abandon when you crack jokes in the garden. They’re small things, but you realize that leaving the shrine would’ve caused a lot more damage – to you and to them – that you didn’t realize before.

So you cement your place in the shrine, throwing yourself into the daily life of the place you’ve tentatively begun to think of as something deeper than a mere shelter. Juyeon’s interest in swordplay gives you the idea to begin training some of the girls and boys in defense. The priestesses agree after a little convincing – after all, you argue, even if the shrine isn’t threatened very often, dangers like the screech owl crop up every now and then. And if anyone decides to leave the shrine in the future and make their own life, defense could be a very useful skill.

Chan embraces your idea with more warmth than you’d imagine, given his aversion to sword-bearers. When you ask him about it, he just gives you that teasing smile that infuriates and calms you. “I trust you, don’t I?” His smile turns gentler. “You’re a good, brave sword-bearer. I think you’ll be able to keep your pupils from going… astray.”

You certainly do your best. Over several years of training, you watch Juyeon, Kevin, Yeji, and Lia grow into formidable opponents. Sunwoo takes more of an interest in archery after you fashion him a crude bow and arrow, practicing with the (kind of terrible) weapons until you buy him proper set in town.

Life goes on, and it goes well. Shrine life is peaceful as new residents enter – the newest resident, Haknyeon, is adorable – and you grow into yourself as the months go by. Chan never presses his feelings, only treats you the same way he always did until you’re ready to accept his care.

“Are you sure?” he asks when you tell him, eyes sparkling with hope and love and uncertainty all at once.

Your heart blossoms with love for the forest guardian. “Yes.” You smile. “I think I love myself enough to allow you to love me too.”

His lips taste like spring, like golden sunlight filtered through verdant leaves. Pressed against his chest, you feel safe, delicate in the touch of his fingers splayed gently across your back, strong in the warmth of his arms around your waist.

Oh, Chan makes you feel loved, loved in a way that slowly erases the self-loathing you’ve carried for so long, in a way that makes you feel brave enough to remain standing with each passing day. And even though you’ve still got a long way to go, you take comfort in the knowledge that Chan, your forest guardian, will always be there for you.

. . . . .

News doesn’t come often to the small village just outside the forest, so when there’s gossip that doesn’t pertain to the whereabouts about one villager or another, it’s worth listening to. This time, it’s a kingdom at war with another.

“Which kingdoms?” you ask idly, examining an apple.

“One is Adment,” the shopkeeper replies. You snort, a sentiment he laughs with. “Which was the other, honey?” he yells to his wife in the back of the stall.

“Was it Callia?” she yells back.

You don’t laugh when the apple drops from your hand.

Trying not to visibly show your distress, you wave off the shopkeeper’s worry at your expression and hurry to finish the shopping. To your luck, when you make it back to the shrine, Chan is already there, conversing with one of the priestesses.

“Y/N!” His smile drops slightly when he takes in your expression. The priestess quietly excuses herself. “Did something happen?”

“Callia – Callia is at war with Adment.” You swallow hard, trying to steady your voice. “Jacob’s kingdom. At war with the one that killed Changbin’s love.”

Chan’s face turns hard. “I see.”

“I – I feel like I need to do something.” You gaze at him, begging him to understand everything you can’t put into words. “Chan, I feel like I have to go back and help, somehow.”

Chan’s eyes are gentle but unreadable as he grasps your hand firmly in his. “You should do what you think is right,” he says quietly.

What I think is right.

What I think is right.

What do I think is right?

Your mind races with panic, but one thought emerges, crystal clear in certainty.

“Yes,” you whisper, more to yourself than Chan. “I’ll do what is right.”

. . .

The priestesses give you their blessing to return to the kingdom you used to call home. Juyeon, Kevin, Lia, and Sunwoo volunteer to come with you as well, even though you try to dissuade them repeatedly with how dangerous it’ll be. They could die, you stress – this is war, after all. But they insist.

You put off saying goodbye to Chan until the day before you leave. He’s the one who finds you, actually – he has something to say, apparently, before you go.

It feels so strange, walking with Chan through the forest with the knowledge that you may never come back. It’s not like you’re a stranger to the evils of war – every time you rode into battle as a knight, you knew there was a high likelihood that you would die.

But it’s different, now. Jacob and your fellow Guards knew the risks of war – you were all seasoned fighters, trained in tactics and stealth and strategy. Here, you only have a very small group of fighters – reasonably good for the amount of training they’ve had, but lacking in true experience. They won’t understand the true horror of battle until they’ve experienced it themselves.

There’s something else, too. You’re leaving behind someone you love for the first time, someone who cannot come and fight by your side.

“Can I go first?” you ask, stopping by Hyunjin’s pond. You want to see the still waters one more time before you leave.

Chan nods. “Of course.”

“I…” You look down, mustering your courage. “I wanted to tell you that I love you.”

For a moment, there’s just silence. Then a sudden flush spreads across Chan’s cheeks.

It bolsters your confidence. “I know I don’t say it often,” you continue, enjoying the shyness on your guardian’s face, “but I really do. I wanted you to know that I’m not going off to help Jacob’s kingdom because I love him the way I used to, but because I still care about him as a friend.” You gaze into Chan’s clear eyes. “I love you very much, and I wanted to tell you that before I left.”

He presses a soft kiss to your forehead. “I never thought you were going to war out of romantic love for Jacob,” he says quietly. “You don’t need to worry about that, ever. I trust you.”

Your heart explodes with warmth. “So what is it that you had to tell me?”

“I never told you how forest guardians are chosen, did I?” Chan asks.

You shake your head. “No.”

“Well, sit down, and I’ll tell you now.” He smiles. “It’s a long story.”

Chan tells you of his first life as an oread, a mountain spirit settled in the craggy cliffs not too far from the forest. He tells you of the last guardian before him, a teasing fae named Jaebum.

“A fae?” you interrupt. “Isn’t that… not a good idea?” As lovely as Han and his lady are – you’ve met them several times by now – you wouldn’t exactly call him a suitable guardian. You’d say the same and more for his more sinister counterparts.

“Jaebum was different,” Chan says. “He cared deeply for the forest. After the two centuries I knew him, he found someone to love, to grow old with over time. He asked me to be forest guardian after he died.”

“So the current forest guardian chooses the next when they feel their time is over?” you clarify.

Chan nods, gazing into your eyes. “Yes.”

And all of a sudden, you understand.

“Chan, you –” You have to clear away the emotion rising in your throat. “You want to pass on the guardianship for me? To whom?”

“I’ve spoken to Changbin.” Chan smiles. “He was very receptive to the idea.”

“But – Chan, for me?” The old uncertainty starts to plague your mind. “Chan, I’m just… I’m just me.”

“Exactly.” Chan takes your hands in his. “You’re you. And I want to grow old with you. Live life with you. Don’t try to argue with me – this is something I know I want.”

You can’t even speak through the tears running down your face. “Chan –”

“Come here.” He wraps you in his warm arms. “I love you, Y/N. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

For how long you stay there, crying into Chan’s embrace, you don’t know. By the time you’re coherent enough to pull back, it feels like it’s been an eternity.

“So now you have to come back.” Chan smiles, though you can see a glimmer of fear, of uncertainty in his gaze. “You have to stay safe and come back for me, all right?”

“Yeah.” Hyunjin suddenly appears from the pond and you literally shriek, toppling backwards onto the grass. “You have to come back to Chan, or he’ll mope around for millennia and send the forest into ruin.” The nymph smirks, though you can see real concern hidden in his eyes.

“Like you moped for centuries over your cloud nymph?” Chan retorts, lips curved in an exasperated smile.

Hyunjin sniffs. “Details,” he says haughtily, already sinking back into his pool. He sends you a glance, though, that’s full of meaning.

You must come back. Don’t leave Chan waiting.

You make a silent promise that you won’t.

. . .

The next day, your cohort wakes up early. After yawning through a quick breakfast, you quickly gather your belongings and meet up at the front of the shrine. Several of the priestesses cluck over you like mother hens checking on their chicks, and you dutifully take their warnings and cautions with as light a smile as you can muster.

Chan shows up just as you’re about to go. The others thankfully leave you two alone for a bit (though you scowl at Kevin’s smirk and Lia’s whistle).

You don’t talk much, just stay wrapped in each other’s arms for several minutes. Eventually, though, dawn breaks. It’s time to leave.

“Be brave,” Chan whispers as you pull away.

You smile. “I’ll come back.”

With one last kiss that tastes of spring greenery, you leave the shrine. When you look back, Chan’s already disappeared.

. . .

It’s a long two years spent away from the shrine. The pace is difficult on your friends, who have only known the shrine as a home for so many years. For you, it’s a bit easier – you’ve been a traveler for a good few years, and it doesn’t take too long to settle back into the wanderer’s mindset, moving around, never staying in one place too long.

But they don’t complain. They’re strong, resilient, and resourceful – more so, really, than some of the knights you knew on the Guard. With their help, you launch quiet strikes at the border of Adment and Callia, taking down Adment’s forces small legion by small legion. Your group becomes known for your silent ambushes, though you take care to keep your identities hidden.

It’s like being a knight again on a smaller scale – planning attacks and carrying them out, knowing that you might lose your life or your friends along the way. It isn’t entirely unwelcome. Fighting still gives you that adrenaline rush, that grim, satisfying knowledge that you’re doing something to protect the people you love.

At the same time, though, it isn’t as fulfilling as it used to be. This life of fighting battles isn’t for you anymore. Yes, you will fight to defend, but you’ve found other ways to protect your loved ones, too.

It just cements the fact that you don’t think you’ll ever come back to Callia to stay.

Finally, Adment surrenders. You’re glad, truly – you’re ready to return to the shrine, as are your friends. As you begin the trek back through some of the rural villages, though, a few posters catch your eye. They spell out a request for the unknown border attackers to come forth to the palace and be honored for their aid in the war.

They know your story, Lia, Juyeon, Kevin, Sunwoo. It was only fair that you told them – how could you lead them to possible death without knowing why you came in the first place, why this was so important to you?

So you ask them. “Do you want to reveal yourselves?”

“I don’t think it’s a question of us,” Juyeon says quietly. “It’s about you.”

“Yes,” Lia echoes. “We’ll follow you, whatever you decide.”

Their trust still astounds you, even after so many years spent trying to dilute the self-loathing that used to plague your brain. “Give me a day to think,” you eventually say. “If you say you’ll follow me, I’ll let you know tomorrow.”

You stay up all night, debating. Your friends have already spent so long away from their home, fighting a war on your behalf. Is it worth it to take the extra few weeks spent traveling to and from the palace? Would it be fair to ask them to journey with you for even longer?

No, Y/N. You shake your head. They asked you to decide, which means they want a decision based on your feelings, on your desires. They’re kind enough to know that this must be your choice to make.

You sigh, leaning back against a sturdy tree. Why are you so hesitant about seeing Jacob again, anyway? You don’t love him anymore, not the way you used to. It doesn’t hurt you as much to think of him. Spirits, you even came all this way to help him in a war you weren’t even involved in.

Maybe you’re afraid that you’ll fall in love with him again, a tiny voice in your head suggests. Maybe you’re afraid that you’ll want to stay.

Oh.

That’s probably it.

Pressing the heels of your palms into your eyes, you sigh again. You love Chan. You love the shrine. You’ve realized that fighting battles as a knight isn’t the way you want to spend the rest of your life. But you’re still afraid that seeing Jacob again will awaken feelings for him once more.

Wait. You sit up, frowning into the darkness. For your feelings to awaken, they would still have to exist.

You don’t love Jacob anymore. The thought of him doesn’t make your heart thump anymore, doesn’t choke your throat with emotions anymore.

Logically, rationally, seeing him again wouldn’t hurt the way it used to.

But love isn’t rational, the oh-so-helpful part of your mind pipes up.

You scowl. Stop making this decision harder.

As the fire dies to glowing coals, as your friends quietly snore throughout the night (except Sunwoo, he snores very loudly), you sit there, mind warring with fear.

By morning, you’ve made your decision.

. . .

The palace is almost the same as you remembered – high, polished stone walls surrounded by a bustling marketplace and lush gardens. The grass looks a bit wilted and the market chatter sounds subdued, but the kingdom has just gone through a war. You would be more worried, really, if everything looked exactly as beautiful as it used to be.

Anxiety bursts in your chest as you slip through the crowds, face covered in a scarf, getting closer and closer to the palace. Three of the Guard stand sentinel at front gates, and even though you’re too far away to see their faces, you’re sure you’d recognize at least a couple of them up close.

“Breathe,” Kevin whispers helpfully next to you. “You’ll be fine.”

You nod shakily. “Yeah.”

Two of the Guard cross their spears over the gates as you approach. The third steps forward, meeting your gaze.

Your heart skips a beat at the sight of an old friend. Changmin!

“State your business,” Changmin says, eyes unmoved. It stings a little that he doesn’t recognize you, but it’s understandable. You’ve both changed over the years – you’ve grown out your hair, while he’s cut his shorter, and he’s lost the last baby fat from his cheeks – and you have a scarf covering half of your face.

“I have business with the king,” you reply, heart hammering in your chest. “I believe my presence was specifically requested, along with that of my friends from the border.”

Faint recognition lights Changmin’s eyes, though they also narrow in slight confusion. He looks at you for a second, gaze piercing yours.

“Is something wrong?” you ask. “We can leave our weapons at the gates, if you wish.”

Changmin shakes his head, shoulders slumped in resignation. “No, I just thought you sounded like someone I once knew.” He looks down. “She had a sword like yours, too.”

Your heart hammers at your old friend’s words. What would he say if he did know it was you?

His voice cuts through your panicked thoughts. “May I have a name by which to introduce you to His Majesty?”

Last chance, you tell yourself. Last chance to turn back.

You won’t lie – the choice sounds appealing, at least to your pounding heart. Glancing up at the high stone walls, you feel the old urge to run away.

You could. You could turn away from the gates right now, leave Changmin remembering someone who will never return. You could travel back to the shrine and forget this ever happened.

But Chan told you to be brave. And being brave doesn’t only apply to war.

You pull down your scarf, smiling at the incredulous expression spreading over Changmin’s face. “You can tell him an old friend’s come back to visit.”

. . .

After yelling at you for never visiting and punching you at least ten times (your arm is so, so sore, but as he reminds you, you should just be glad he didn’t challenge you to a duel right then and there), Changmin brings you into one of the waiting rooms. “I’ll find you and bite you if I come back and see that you’ve disappeared again,” he threatens before heading back into the halls.

Sunwoo raises an eyebrow, looking mildly disturbed. “Bite you?”

You snort, smiling widely. “Long story.”

Too soon, though, there’s another set of footsteps echoing outside of the room. The smile slowly starts to slip off your face, and your heart, previously calmed by Changmin’s characteristic welcome, starts to pound again.

Be brave. Chan’s voice speaks in your mind. Be brave.

You steel yourself.

Then Jacob appears in the doorway, and the room feels like it’s falling away.

. . .

By the time your mind has caught up to the present, you’re wrapped in Jacob’s strong arms, in one of those Jacob hugs that you used to yearn for every day. It’s comforting, warm, but to your pleasant surprise, there’s no hurt. No pain.

You only feel happy.

“You came back,” Jacob whispers, more to himself than to you. “You came back.”

You just laugh, squeezing your best friend harder. “I did.”

Thankfully, your friends understand that you need some time with Jacob alone. Changmin leads them out, already bickering with Sunwoo (how they became friends so quickly, you’re not sure you want to know). In the silence of the room, you and Jacob just stare at each other for a moment.

“I –”

“What –”

You burst into laughter and Jacob joins in, feeling heady with absolute bliss and relief that your worst fears haven’t been realized. You haven’t fallen back in love with Jacob at first sight. His mere presence doesn’t make you want to stay.

“You first,” Jacob finally says when you’ve calmed down. “You first.”

The laughter disappears from your throat as your smile dims. “I never told you the full reason why I left.”

Jacob is a good listener, a fact that you’re grateful for. If he’d interrupted you at any point, you aren’t sure you would’ve been able to continue. Still, though, it’s harrowing, recounting the love you felt for your best friend for so long.

“When I left the first time, I didn’t have any intention of returning.” You state the harsh truth with a bitter taste in your mouth. “I couldn’t bring myself to tell you about what I felt, so seeing you only hurt. I didn’t… I didn’t want to feel any more pain.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Jacob’s eyes are cloudy, filled with pain on your behalf. “I’m so sorry. If I’d known…”

“Stop.” You put a hand on his shoulder. “One reason I didn’t tell you was because I knew you’d blame yourself. It isn’t your fault. None of it is.”

Jacob sits in silence for a moment. “But you did come back.”

“I did.” A small smile curves your lips. “I found a place that took me in, allowed me to try and find myself once more. I found someone who helped me heal. So when I heard about the war, I didn’t have qualms about coming to help. It was something… I knew it was something I had to do.”

Jacob’s eyes clear. “I see. Your someone, your, um…”

“Husband,” you offer. It’s the closest thing to what Chan is to you that Jacob would understand.

He nods. “Your husband didn’t come?”

“No.” You shake your head. “I came with friends. We have our own things to protect, back at home.”

Home. That word surprises you as it leaves your lips. Home.

The forest, the shrine is your home.

It’s the first time you’ve made this connection. With the realization, a sudden burst of warmth fills your chest.

“I see.” Jacob leans forward, looking genuinely happy for you. “Things are going well, then?”

Briefly, you wonder if you should tell him about the shrine. You decide not to. That’s your secret to keep, at least for now.

“Yes, they are.” A smile involuntarily spreads across your face. “Very well.”

For a moment, the two of you just sit in comfortable silence. Then Jacob speaks. “Can I persuade you again to stay?” he asks, though from the look in his eye, you’re pretty sure he already knows your answer. “You can bring your husband and friends. There will always be a place for you here.”

It feels like you’re being thrown back in time to that day in the training room, just a few months before you left. Your answer is still the same as it was then, so many years ago.

But you have something else to add.

You shake your head. “Not this time, Jacob.” Your smile grows smaller, but softer. “Though I do promise I’ll visit you again.”

. . .

On the horses Jacob gifted you, it only takes a few weeks to return to the forest. You see the children and the priestesses first, waiting at the front of the shrine, followed by the other maidens and messenger boys. Their shouts of welcome bring a smile to your face.

Then Chan appears when you’re riding up to the gates, crushing you in a hug almost before you’ve leapt off your horse.

You lose yourself in your guardian’s warmth, in the strength of his arms wrapped around your body. It feels so similar to Jacob’s hugs, so comforting and soft and strong, but also so uniquely Chan. You laugh into his chest, tears beginning to stream down your face.

“I’m back,” you gasp between the tears. “I’m back, Chan.”

“I know,” he whispers, only holding you closer. “I know.”

A blissful eternity passes, wrapped in Chan’s arms, until he pulls back the slightest bit, just enough to press a long-awaited kiss on your lips. “You’re back,” he says one more time, as though he still can’t quite believe it.

“I am,” you confirm. “I did it, Chan.”

He knows. He knows, looking into your eyes, what you mean by “it.” He knows you don’t just mean that you fought Adment, that you came home alive. He knows there’s something more.

Something involving a certain past love.

Warm, warm pride blooms in Chan’s eyes. “Were you brave?”

Memories race through your mind – staunching bloody wounds, trekking through the forests at the border – but you know that isn’t what Chan means. He knows you can be brave in the midst of battle, brave in protecting those you love the most.

He wants to know if you were brave with him.

Your eyes twinkle as you remember the palace gates, seeing Changmin again, landing in Jacob’s arms once more. You remember his soft voice, his kind eyes full of real, platonic care, a memory you’ll treasure for years to come.

Where you once might have grimaced at the thought of your old home, now, the smile on your face only broadens with every passing second.

“Yes.” Your laughing gaze sparkles into Chan’s proud eyes. “I was.”

[ajerzaaddict]

Let’s make things right between us

Jellal believed that Erza shouldn't be with him for valid reasons, but Erza thought otherwise. And she would fight until she make things right between them.

Rated: M

Words: 5.8k+

FFN

I can’t believe I’ve actually come up with 5.8k+ words for a oneshot. And it has taken me near 6 months to complete this, as I checked that I actually created the doc on 31/3/2021. The lack of canon contents was discouraging me, and there were other things occupying me as well. So usually I wrote a few paragraphs and then would put it aside for weeks. Anyway, I’m so glad that I’ve done it and happy with the outcome. I really hope that you find this rollercoaster of Jerza filled with hurt / comfort / sexy time enjoyable to read.

~~~

"Jellal."

His shoulders stiffened when Jellal heard his name being uttered by the voice he yearned but also feared to hear. Slowly, he turned his head to look at the uninvited visitor.

"Erza." There was a tightness in Jellal's voice. He was slightly irritated, but mostly nervous. "How did you find me here?"

"I'm sorry I can't tell you. I've promised confidentiality to my source." Erza opened the wooden gate and stepped into the backyard.

"Nevermind." Jellal sighed. His location should only be known to his former guild mates. "Then may I ask what brings you to me?"

Erza looked at Jellal with a piercing gaze. "It has taken me hours to come to see you. How about you being a friendly host, inviting me to your cottage for a seat and offering me a cup of tea? Then I can answer whatever questions you have for me."

Jellal stared back at Erza as he considered the options he had, but decided there was none other than complying with Erza's request because she definitely would not take his rejection as an answer. He took a deep breath, then exhaled.

"Please come in." He finally looked away from Erza as he injected his magic force into the magic-driven wheelchair through the body-link to move himself towards the cottage's backdoor.

Erza followed Jellal in silence. Passing through the backdoor, they entered the dining room equipped with an open kitchen.

Erza was surprised to find there was a woman in the room, and her heart suddenly felt heavy. The woman was a blonde like Lucy but had short hair. She was in the middle of clearing the dishes when she sensed their presence and turned to look at them. Erza studied her face and guessed that she was of a similar age to Jellal, not older than thirty.

"Mr. Fernandes." The woman greeted Jellal before fixing her gaze on Erza. "Oh, you have a guest. Would you like me to serve you and this lady anything?"

"Thanks, Iris. There's no such need. I have something private to discuss with my guest, so you can leave earlier today."

Iris nodded her understanding and took off the apron and put it in the kitchen drawer. "Then I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Fernandes."

"See you tomorrow, Iris. Thanks for your hard work today."

"Not a problem." Iris smiled at Jellal before she excused herself.

"Take a seat." Jellal told Erza after Iris left the room.

"Is Iris your domestic helper?" Erza tried to ask casually as she took her seat at one of the two chairs placed by a small round dining table.

"She's not merely a domestic helper. She's my caretaker as well, assisting me in doing things I can't handle on my own in daily life." Jellal answered while moving to the stove cabinet that was clearly specially made lower to suit his height in the wheelchair. "I'm sorry that I only have coffee but not tea. Or would you rather have water?"

"Water will be fine, thanks."

Jellal filled two glasses of water and put them in a tray. He then placed the tray on his lap and directed the wheelchair to the dining table. He settled himself at Erza's opposite before placing the tray on top of the table.

Erza picked up one glass and took a mouthful of water; while Jellal simply watched her and left his glass untouched on the tray, waiting in silence.

"I'm here to fight for my happiness." Erza said as she laid the glass on the table, and looked straight into Jellal's eyes. "And I won't leave until I get what I want."

Jellal balled his hand around the wheelchair's armrest as he willed himself to hold Erza's determined gaze which seemed to penetrate his soul. "You've come to the wrong person, Erza. What you are looking for is not something I can offer you."

Erza snorted. "You sound like you really know what can make me happy, better than I do. But Jellal, you don't really. You need to stop deciding what is the best for me and assuming you can't give me what I need."

"Aren't you assuming, too, Erza?" Jellal questioned, raising his voice in frustration. He knew Erza didn't like being challenged but he was also not afraid of confronting her when needed. "Didn't you sound like you know me better than I know myself when it comes to what I'm capable of giving and what not?"

Erza slammed her hands on the table top, shooting up from her chair. "Then let's speak our minds and make things clear for each other once and for all, and stop making assumptions any further." She paused and swallowed. "I love you, Jellal. I have a crush on you the moment you named me Scarlet and since then I've never stopped loving you."

"Stop it please, Erza." Jellal asked in a distressed tone.

Leaning forward, Erza grabbed Jellal's shirt and pulled him closer.

"I've never stopped wishing for us to be together one day since I met you again before the Grand Magic Games. After Zeref and Achnologia have been defeated, after you've been pardoned by the Queen, I thought my wish would come true finally." Angry and hurtful tears pricked at the corners of Erza's eyes.

Gritting his teeth, Jellal turned his head to the side and closed his eyes as it was too much for him to watch Erza crying sadly because of him once again.

"Yet you avoided me when I tried to reach you after you were pandonned, and chose to isolate yourself, not giving me a chance, not giving yourself a chance, to find the happiness we deserve together. "

Jellal grasped Erza's wrist as he came face to face with her again. "What kind of happiness can you find in taking care of a handicapped man like me for the rest of your life, Erza?" He questioned in a grave tone. "You'll just find I'm nothing but a burden to you eventually."

Erza searched Jellal's eyes. She found herself still being enthralled by their beautiful deep blue color which reminded her of the ocean at night. But it also pained her to see that they were dimmed by sorrow which blocked out the light of hope.

"Why are you having so little trust in me even though I've shown you time after time and crisis after crisis, that I'll never give up on you no matter what happens to you, Jellal?" Teardrops rolling down her face like a chain of pearls. "And how can you still belittle yourself as nothing but a burden? You've protected me from danger and comforted me in ways no other could when I was vulnerable despite your physical disabilities!"

"But I couldn't even have come to your side without someone else's help!" Jellal cried out in pain. "There are many things I can no longer do on my own and I must rely on a caretaker to live my everyday life. And I don't want you to shoulder such a duty for a lifetime!" Jellal lowered his head as he could no longer hold back his tears from falling. "I'm very sorry to disappoint you, Erza. I'm very sorry you've invested your love in the wrong person, that is me. Please don't waste your time on me anymore. You should live freely, not be bound by me."

Jellal wouldn't be surprised if Erza rebuked him, or even slapped him in the face, for being a coward who didn't dare to accept the love of his life because he didn't know how to overcome his insecurity. He wished she would. He deserved to receive her anger. But what descended on him was only a heavy silence which seemed to suffocate him.

"I'm already tired of you forcing your vision of freedom on me. It never ended well."

Erza's voice was nothing more than a whisper, but her words were crystal clear and sharp like her sword, breaking the silence as well as slicing through Jellal's heart. Placing his hand over his left chest as he felt his heart aching, Jellal slowly raised his head, glancing at Erza with anguish-filled eyes.

Erza released Jellal's shirt from her hold. Wiping her cheeks with both hands, she tried to dry them from her tears, before she took a few deep breaths to force down her sobbing.

"You so desperately want me to leave you, don't you? Then this is how you can make it." She kneeled in front of Jellal such that she could look into his eyes on the same level. "You only need to look me in the eyes and tell me that my love for you is one-sided all along, that you've never loved me, and you never will."

Jellal's eyes widened in disbelief. "Erza…"

"Tell me what I've told you, and I'll gather the pieces of my broken heart and disappear from your life forever ."

"Have I not already made my point clear enough for you, Erza? Why can't you just accept the reasons I've given you?" In a shaky voice, Jellal almost cried out his questions.

"I'm waiting, Jellal. If you can't tell me to go from the bottom of your heart, then allow me to stay."

"Just…...leave me alone." Jellal shut his eyes and balled his hand over his chest.

"Look at me Jellal!"

Countless moments in their past flashed across Jellal's mind, like a movie being played fast-backward. He still remembered it like yesterday, the joyful look on Erza's face when he named her Scarlet, and the first taste of falling in love when she thanked him with a timid smile which made his heart skip a beat and jump unusually quick. Their fate had intertwined since then. To deny that he had been in love with Erza since they were young teenagers was like abandoning the most influential element which made up the Jellal Fernandes he was today.

Yet, he believed he was a man who was already too broken to be repaired anyway. It seemed like a fitting fate for him to lose himself more by severing his ties with Erza completely. He told himself that it would also release Erza from his bond, so he should not hesitate to become a cruel man to smash Erza's heart, as well as his own.

Jellal had never felt his eyelids so heavy before when he opened his eyes again to look at Erza, the woman who was like the force of his life. Putting down his hands on the armrests, he held them firmly as he felt his body trembling.

"Your love for me is an unrequited one and I never…"

He didn't get the chance to finish his sentence.

In a lighting speed, Erza had held Jellal's face between her hands and crashed her mouth over his.

Startled by Erza's sudden advancement, Jellal was immobilized as Erza greedily tasted him. He grabbed her shoulders once the initial shock was over, trying to push her away. But Erza refused to let him go. As they struggled against each other, the wheelchair, being unable to withstand their combined forces, lost its balance. Jellal fell forward and into Erza, landing on top of her as Erza fell backward on the floor.

They were both panting as they took a break from their fight and kiss. Jellal's face was buried in Erza's hair and between her head and shoulder. Her scent was alluring, that it took every ounce of his will for him to not give in to her seduction and stay but to distance himself from her by pushing his upper body up.

He looked into Erza's teary red eyes and sighed. "You've never planned to actually accept my rejection, didn't you?"

"I simply can't lose you." Erza admitted with a bitter smile. "And I shouldn't have challenged you, forcing you to say things which were against your heart and will. For that I apologize."

"And I'm sorry for trying to tell the biggest lie to you. But Erza." His eyes were filled with sadness but also tenderness as Jellal gazed at Erza. "You must understand that love can't be the solution to everything. And you must accept that even if we are in love with each other, being together still may not be the best choice for the both of us."

"Love can't be the solution to everything, but it's what motivates us to find one even when the problem seems unsolvable. It's the force which keeps us moving forward when we feel tired and weak. Love gives us comfort and warmth and courage which helps us to endure suffering when life gets cruel." Holding Jellal's shoulders, Erza rolled them over and got on top of him. "But not everyone is lucky enough to find love in life. There's no other worse choice than rejecting love when we are blessed with it. I really, really, hope that we can treasure the love we found in each other and allow its power to grow on us."

Jellal breathed a sigh and smiled a small knowing smile. "You are ever optimistic, Erza."

"That's why I'm a perfect match for you who is ever pessimistic. We can balance each other out."

Gently, Erza held Jellal's right cheek in her palm.

"Do you love me, Jellal?"

Jellal knew he should not evade the issue again as they were trying to make peace with each other after going through an angst drama.

"Always."

"Do you love me?"

Jellal breathed deeply. "I love you, Erza." He said it with his clearest voice and firmest tone. "I always do, and always will."

"Thank you." Smiling, Erza whispered, then lowered her head and pressed her lips over Jellal's. This time, she kissed him less forcefully but more sensually.

Jellal was hesitant to react, but also unable to reject Erza. Having admitted his love for her was like having his heart stripped of the steel wall he built around it, making it impossible for him to pretend any further that he didn't enjoy her kiss. When Erza traced his lips with the tip of her tongue asking for entrance to his mouth, he finally let go of his last restraint and gave in to his desire.

Running his fingers through Erza's hair at the back of her head, Jellal opened his mouth and wrapped his tongue around her intruding one. He had never known a taste as toxic as Erza Scarlet in his life. He forced their tongues into her mouth as his desire to taste her more thoroughly grew beyond his control. He explored her warm, wet cavern as far as his tongue could reach, as well as stroking her tongue with his.

Erza felt dizzy. Jellal had not only taken away her breath and emptied her mind as he kissed her eagerly and dominantly, but had also ignited an aching need deep in her core and between her thighs. Moaning deep in her throat, she ground her groin against Jellal's.

Jellal snapped out of the spell of the kiss and regained his senses as Erza's action made him realize that he had led them to something he feared to face. His hand slid down Erza's head. Grabbing her shoulder, he pushed her away from him, breaking their kiss finally.

A thread of their mixed saliva stretched between their parted lips as they both panted heavily to draw air in their lungs.

"I can't." Jellal said once his breathing resumed normal.

Disappointment flashed across Erza's face but she managed to keep her negative emotion at bay.

"What do you mean? What are you worried about?" She asked Jellal in a concerned tone.

Jellal covered his eyes with his palm. He had wished that he would never need to reveal his disturbing problem to Erza. He could have kept it in the dark if Erza had accepted his rejection and left. But now, after he had failed to convince her to give up on him and even given her hope in their relationship with his confession of love, he knew he must tell her the truth. She needed to know it.

"My injury has not only rendered my legs useless." Jellal paused, tasting an unusual bitterness on his tongue. Or the taste was only from his imagination, reflecting his unwillingness to admit his incompetence to Erza. He swallowed hard before continuing. "I'm…...suffering from a certain degree of…...sexual dysfunction, too."

Silence engulfed them once again. After a moment, Erza held Jellal's hand over his eyes and tried to pull it away from his face. To her relief, Jellal had not put up much resistance; although he had chosen to look sideways instead of at her after she uncovered his face. She didn't blame his act of avoidance. She tried to make him at ease, caressing his forehead with her fingertips. Then she ran her fingers along his eyebrows and traced the shape of his facial tattoo, before she palmed his face, stroking his cheekbone with her thumb.

Jellal casted a glance at Erza. He didn't look as stressed as a moment ago, and heaved a quiet sigh. "You have every right to change your mind and leave me, Erza. And I won’t blame you."

Erza smiled a little, shaking her head. "I didn't come here looking for you unprepared, Jellal."

She straightened her back and moved to Jellal's side. Kneeling on one knee, she picked Jellal off the floor in bridal style.

Out of instinct, Jellal wrapped his arms around Erza's neck to steady himself, and his face turned slightly pink out of embarrassment.

"Erza? What are you doing?" He asked in a voice laced with anxiety.

"I don't suppose the hard floor is a comfortable place for you to lie on." Erza answered matter-of-factly as she walked out of the dining room.

On the other side of the door was the living room which was furnished with a two-seat couch, a coffee table, two bookshelves and a fireplace. Erza glanced around, then moved towards the two closed doors on her left-hand side.

"Is your bedroom behind one of these doors?"

"The one…...on the right." Jellal answered hesitantly as he was still unsure about the purpose behind Erza's action.

"Could you help open the door for us to go in?"

"What are you planning, Erza?"

"I just want you to loosen up while we try to sort things out between us."

Jellal sighed, not being completely convinced by Erza's answer. He did what she asked anyway.

Erza closed the door with her feet after entering Jellal's bedroom. She tenderly laid Jellal down in his bed ensuring that she would not hurt him, before she joined him in the bed. She lay back down beside him and rolled onto her side. She then rested her forehead against his strong upper arm while she held his hand in one of hers and put her other arm around his chest.

"When I decided that I would do anything to bring you back to me, I borrowed books trying to find out what kind of health issues and inconveniences would be faced by people who suffered the similar injuries as yours in their daily lives, and to learn some caretaking skills. Things were much more difficult to understand than I originally expected, though." Erza laughed dryly as she admitted her incompetence.

Jellal said nothing, but Erza knew he was listening intently, feeling his chest expand and contract under her arm as he breathed in and out deeply.

"Luckily Wendy was nearby and always helpful when I asked her questions; and also Porlyurisca, despite her resentment towards human contact, has given me some professional advice on things Wendy couldn't answer. She's always a little bit more lenient to me than to other people when I need her help."

Erza lifted her face to look at Jellal as her hand slid up his chest and found his face. Their eyes met when Jellal turned his face towards her.

"What you have just confessed on the floor of the dining room…...was one of the things I've prepared to face once we become a couple. It's not a big deal. There are many ways which allow us to satisfy each other." She looked away for a moment and lowered her voice. "It's also possible for us to make our own babies with the help of some tools if it's what we want. But no matter what." She turned her gaze back on Jellal. "I won't give you up because of this issue, or any other challenges."

Jellal cradled Erza's cheek in his palm; and tears appeared at the corners of his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

Erza asked gently. "What's it about this time?"

"I haven't expected that behind your resolution in being with me, you've made such a big effort to understand my circumstances, and to prepare yourself for living with me. I assumed you came to find me without knowing all the troubles I'm facing or you may face to be with me, and said something terrible to you. I'm truly sorry."

"I didn't blame you. Like what I've said earlier, I knew that love can't be the solution to everything. So I tried to find out what challenges await me to become a part of your life, and to prepare myself to face them. Jellal, I'm truly ready."

"I trust you are. I'm just...worried that the responsibility of looking after me will tire you out in the long run because things could be more difficult in real life than they look on paper. Iris is already the third caretaker I hire. The previous two quit in less than three months because they felt the workload was too heavy."

Erza chuckled. "You don't compare me with ordinary people. Have you forgotten which guild I come from? I've helped look after a guild filled with some of the most difficult people to handle on the continent for years, yet I'm still good and don't find it a problem. But we would probably need a part-time helper so that someone can assist you when I'm away for long. Anyway, listen, Jellal." Erza put on a serious look. "I truly hope that you are finally convinced that we can be together, and understand that it will bring me infinite joy instead of making me miserable, with everything I've said and done."

Jellal took Erza's hand and placed it over his loudly-beating heart.

"I'm a handicapped man with a broken heart. I feel…...very inferior to you, the best woman and also person I've ever known, and ashamed to offer myself to you. But…...I'm all yours as long as you want me."

"You are my treasure and all I want." Tipping her head upward, Erza closed the distance between her lips and Jellal's. It delighted her that Jellal responded immediately, kissing her back. Their lips moved against each other in an unhurried yet fervent manner as they tried to enjoy the moment but also couldn't get enough of each other. Only when their lungs screamed for air that they finally pulled away from each other.

Erza slid one leg over Jellal's thighs and got on top of him as soon as her breathing had returned to normal, and used her equip magic to change into nothing but her underwear: a set of bra and panties made of thin white lace embroidered with flower patterns which barely covered her nipples and private area.

Jellal widened his eyes and opened his mouth slightly. He was not only unprepared for Erza's bold action, but he was also in awe seeing the divine beauty of her almost naked form. He took a few deep breaths to calm his racing heart before he was finally able to take his eyes off Erza's glorious body but to look at her face instead. He found that her face had already turned rose-pink, and her lips were pressed into a thin line. Despite appearing shy and nervous, she chose to look at him instead of avoiding his gaze.

"We have time. We can take things slow." Jellal suggested. He didn't want Erza to force herself to do something she didn't feel comfortable with. And he wasn't sure if he really should develop physical intimacy with Erza in the current moment. Everything between them seemed to progress too fast all of a sudden and out of his grasp.

Erza shook her head.

"Eighteen years have passed since we parted ways in the Tower of Heaven against our will. I think we should make up for the immense time we've lost without further waiting."

Leaning forward, Erza laid her body flat against Jellal's and held his face to kiss him again. Jellal slid one hand to her bare back and weaved the other into her hair as he opened his mouth to welcome her tongue in, choosing to go with the flow and abandoning his hesitation.

Their kiss came to a halt when Erza drew back. She took a deep breath, and then brought her mouth to Jellal's throat. She trailed wet kisses from his Adam's apple to his chin and along his jawline, while her hand went underneath his shirt, roaming over his abdomen and chest. His nipples hardened under her touch and she pinched one lightly between her fingers.

A sigh fell out from Jellal's lips.

"Have I made you feel good?" Lips brushing against his ear, Erza asked Jellal in a whisper. Jellal nodded.

"I want to feel you touching me in the same way." She brushed his other nipple with her fingertips. "Have you ever fantasized holding my breasts in your hands? Caressing them, fondling them, squeezing them? Dreaming of rubbing my nipples between your fingers and of me moaning your name?"

Jellal shut his eyes, and various fantasies he had made about Erza flashed across his mind. He couldn't help but question if all the flirtatious words he had just heard were also from the Erza he imagined. Yet, he could clearly feel his body temperature rising, and his heartbeat quickening. He felt aroused; something he could only experience occasionally since he was injured. He opened his eyes to look at the real Erza. Raising a hand, he cupped the side of her left breast and squeezed.

Erza gave a little yelp and lifted up her head; her eyes found Jellal's. Jellal wasn't sure if the emotion he saw in Erza's eyes was surprise or excitement, or both. But he had no doubt that the color of her face had turned red like her hair.

"Should I stop?" He asked.

"You should continue." Erza pushed herself up with both hands and got on her knees, hovering above Jellal with her hair falling down like a red curtain at both sides of his head.

Jellal held Erza's cheek with his unoccupied hand as he looked at her fondly like he had found the brightest star in the sky. Being trapped in the scarlet world of Erza with her alone, isolated from the outside world, Jellal seemed to finally be able to honestly admit to himself that no matter how undeserved he felt of Erza, his desire to be with her would never die. If it was a sin for him to accept Erza into his life, he would willingly bear such sin instead of pushing her away.

"I love you, Erza." Smiling, Jellal ran his hand down to Erza's neck, over her collarbone and the side of her right breast, before cupping her breast from its underside.

"And I love you too, Jellal."

Sighs fell from Erza's lips as Jellal began working on her breasts and nipples over the thin fabric of her bra.

"Ah. Yes. Keep on." Erza encouraged Jellal, trying to arouse him more. "Make me wetter."

She freed one hand to unzip Jellal's pants. She then pulled his underwear down and reached for his manhood. She had seen naked men many times but touching a man's cock was a first time for her. Feeling both curious and nervous, she palmed Jellal's member.

"You feel smooth." She wrapped her fingers around him and began stroking, in the way she learnt from books. Gradually, he swelled and stiffened slightly in her hand. "How about I massage you between my legs instead?"

"Oh god. Erza." Jellal felt pleasure rising from deep in his stomach as Erza pumped him quicker and seduced him with words.

Erza leaned back as she lowered her bottom onto Jellal's thighs and pulled her breasts away from his hold. Jellal pushed his upper body up from the mattress with his elbows and forearms to have a better look at Erza. His heart skipped a few beats as he watched Erza gilding her lace-covered core along his length.

Erza moaned lowly in pleasure, feeling the aching need of her damp, throbbing folds being soothed by the physical contact with Jellal's flesh. She flattened one palm on Jellal's abdomen for support as she rubbed herself harder against his partly erect cock, and alternately rolled her nipples between her fingers to stimulate herself further.

Jellal fisted the bed sheet and panted, feeling his inside burning with lust which he had not experienced as strongly for a long time, as he watched Erza pleasuring herself with his body. Her arousal had already soaked through her tiny panties and rubbed over his cock. Her nipples stood hard and popped against her bra after receiving all the ministration from his and her hands and her breasts were bouncing as she moved her hips back and forth. Her moans falling out from her parted red lips were mixed with the sound of his name. He could feel excitement tingling over every nerve endings of his upper body. It was like Erza had awakened his lost senses with the combined forces of intimate touches, erotic view of her body and the lewd sound she made. He growled deep inside his throat and his head fell back with his eyes shutting closed and his teeth biting his lower lip, when a strong wave of rapture washed over him.

Erza smiled in relief when she realized that Jellal had reached his peak. She slowed down her movement to a stop despite having not reached her own climax. When Jellal laid his back flat on the mattress again, she lifted herself off him and moved forward to take his face between her palms. She then dipped her head to kiss him on the lips.

"I'm so glad you enjoyed the things I did with you."

"You are marvelous." Jellal smiled and ran his fingers through Erza's hair. "But things between us aren't over yet. I want to make you feel satisfied, too. Would you turn around with your back facing me?"

It warmed Erza's heart that Jellal not only cared about her, but also showed willingness in taking the lead in their newly established relationship. She nodded and did what he asked, turning her body around and straddling his waist.

Jellal palmed one side of Erza buttocks and pushed lightly, making her lean forward a little to leave a gap between their bodies. Erza steadied herself by grabbing Jellal's thighs. Jellal then slid his free hand through Erza's inner thighs and pressed two fingers against her slit through the damp panties. Erza sucked in a deep breath. Jellal started stroking her with his fingers sliding up and down along the lace barely covering her opening, drawing sighs out from her mouth. He soon felt his fingers being coated in Erza's juice, and slid them beneath her panties. Her lip-shaped folds against his fingers were slick and soft and warm, being more ready to welcomed his fingers in.

"Let me know if I hurt you."

"Okay." Erza breathed out the word.

Jellal slipped his fingers partially into Erza's folds first, giving her some time to adapt. When Erza gave him no sign of stop, he then inserted his fingers fully into her core. Erza uttered a cry; her inner walls spasmed as they were stretched by Jellal's intruded fingers more than she had ever done to herself with her own.

Jellal pulled his fingers out a little and thrust them back into Erza's tight core, and repeated the action. He spread and twisted his fingers every time he buried them deep inside of her, to explore and excite her sensitive spots. Erza moaned and mewled helplessly and her body trembled, and it didn't take long for her to start riding Jellal's fingers.

Jellal felt like he had been turned on again watching a lust-filled Erza fucking his fingers zealously. He could perfectly picture it was actually his cock but not his fingers which was filling Erza up and being hugged by her inner walls. His body was burning up, and his heartbeat was drumming against his chest echoing Erza's moans.

"Oh dear. More, Jellal. More." Erza gasped and her nails dug into Jellal's thighs as she tightened her hold on him.

Complying with her demand, Jellal added a third finger in thrusting Erza, and slid his hand on her buttock over her thigh to reach for the bundle of nerves at the top of her opening. He easily located it beneath the panties as it had already stuck out from her folds waiting to be touched. He pinched it between his fingertips, massaging it. The additional effort he made soon pushed Erza over the edge into ecstasy. She screamed his name and squeezed his hand between her thighs as she came on his fingers; her juice overflowed and left a trail along his palm to his wrist.

Jellal breathed deeply to slow down his erratically beating heart before he slid his fingers out Erza's core. Erza panted for air on top of him until she regained her breath, then she slid off him and lay down at his side.

Jellal turned his head to look at Erza and she, sensing his gaze, turned to look at him as well.

"I love you." They said at the same time, and both laughed softly at their perfect timing.

Jellal held Erza by her shoulder as he looked at her with a tender loving gaze. "You are the biggest miracle to ever happen in my life, Erza. I promise I'll cherish you as much as I can, and do my best to improve my physical conditions with whatever therapy or medicine which are considered useful."

Erza nodded her head with contentment; her eyes welled up with happy tears. "And I'll always walk by your side to support you, to love you. The road ahead of us may not be easy to walk, but we can do it."

"As long as there is love, am I right?"

"Absolutely." A heartfelt and satisfied smile spread across Erza's face. She then yawned as she finally felt consumed by the tiredness accumulated from all the things she had done in the day: taking hours of travel to find Jellal, confronting him first, persuading him next and finally having sex with him. She snuggled against Jellal's chest, closing her eyes. "But now, I simply want to take a nap with you, and also take a shower afterwards. Then we shall see what we should do next."

"Sure." Jellal kissed Erza on the forehead, before closing his eyes as well. "Rest as much as you need."

Having never felt as peaceful and as fulfilled in their hearts, they quickly fell into a sweet slumber.

~~~

You should have already known where I got this idea of Jellal being disabled and using wheelchair if you are in the fandom long enough but if you don’t, see this.

[infinity-squared-comics]

Chaska’s favorite place.

Mahad thought he might find him here. As the only member of this impromptu friend group with their own house, he had been tasked with taking in the two “strays” they had picked up. Yep, an alien and a homunculus, living in his apartment. Not to mention the fact that now his rent got bumped up for having an extra person living there (his landlord didn’t know about Jin. Perks of being an invisible alien, he supposed). But there was a bright side. Beyond just enjoying the company(don’t you dare tell anyone he said that)the two were more than willing to help out in any way they could. It was actually worrying, how eager they were to help. Mahad was pretty sure they could use some therapy (who couldn’t) but not being human tends to complicate those sorts of things.

“Sir Mahad?”

Surprising. Mahad didn’t know he’d been noticed. He should probably respond, though. Not like he could just stand here thinking. Well, maybe he could. Chaska didn’t know much about normal social interaction yet, it’d probably be fine to be weird around him. Anyways, response. Yes. Chaska was probably looking for one of those.

“‘Sup? Something bothering you, kid?”

“Well, no, but… I was just… tell me, please. What is that thing?”

Chaska gestures towards the sparkling network of road bellow them. Oh, right. The kid was less than a year old, technically. Pro’ly never seen an intersection, let alone one this fancy. Should he explain the basic concept, or this specific one. Oh well, he’ll just start talking and hope for the best.

“That’s called Starlight Junktion. It’s an intersection, connecting Hero City to our three nearest neighbors. We’re here in the southeast. To the southwest is Dark City, and there’s a stretch of road leading to Grandopolis in the northwest. It was built as a symbol of unity, between our three cities. Makes travelin’ a lot easier too”.

“Ah. So then… what’s to the northeast?”

Oh right. He’d probably have to explain that now. While, it’ll be ok. Just don’t go into uncomfortable detail.

“That leads to Endymion. It’s my hometown. Well, that’s not quite true. They annexed my hometown just a bit before we left. Probably why we left, to be honest, but my parents never talked much about that. They’d always change the subject whenever I asked.”

“Oh. Sir Mahad?”

“Yeah bud? Another question?”

“What does this word ‘Annex’ mean?”

Oh no this kid is way too innocent. Ok. He can do this. Just… try not to traumatize the child.

“Well, Annex is a verb, it’s a thing you do. But you probably got that already, since I just used it as a verb in a sentence. Well, to annex is to take an independent land, and make it part of your land, commonly by military force. At least, that’s how I’ve seen it used.”

“What if the people there don’t want to be part of this other land? What happens then?”

Oh no this kid is so pure. Should he really tell him all this? No. Better to learn here then wait ‘til he sees it in action.

“Well, when you’re being annexed, you have three options. Either you submit, listen to what those in power say, or you fight and they kill you or lock you up. Or, you can do what my family did. You can run.”

It took everything Mahad had to keep himself from adding “like cowards” to that last statement. The kid didn’t need his baggage.

“H… how? How could… how c… what type of monster was it, that did this to you?”

Oh this poor sweet child. He was crying.

“Wasn’t a monster. It was a man. Endimyon, the “I have a gajillion titles because I’m insecure in my accomplishments”. Although, man might not be the right word either, not after all the modifications he went through to stay alive. I’m sorry, Chaska. People aren’t as good as you think they are.”

“I know that. People steal, or cheat sometimes. Sometimes they even try to hurt each other. But this… killing? Mass killings? And for what? Power? Land? What could possibly be worth this much pain? What joy could be derived from something, anything that comes at such a… terrible cost? I do not understand. I do not understand! I DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!”

Oh no this poor child. He seemed to have reached the second stage of his freak out, and miniature cosmic flares were exploding out from all over their body. Mahad couldn’t even get close like this, never mind the fact that he was now slowly beginning to levitate ok this is weird. Ok ok ok. He just has to… do something. This kid needs his help! Ok, plan one. First some magical protection and then-

LEG HUG!

Mahad grabbed Chaska by the legs, partially to offer some support and partially to keep the kid from floating off.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry kid. You shouldn’t have to hear about this. It shouldn’t have even happened in the first place. I don’t understand either. I don’t understand how someone could have such… such little concern for human life. It doesn’t make sense, to sacrifice so much for so little. But we can’t change what happened. Believe me, I’ve tried. We just have to get through this. Just gotta survive. And it’s not fair what happened, what happened to those people, to my friends. But now we just have to survive. It’s over now. It’s been over for a long time now. And we’re still standing. We didn’t die when they tried to stomp us out. We fought, he hid, we ran. And we survived. I have something to show you when we get back to the apartment. But I need you to calm down a bit first. Ok? Can you do that for me, bud?”

…

“Ok.”

Chaska lowers to the ground. The flares lessen and soon extinguish. Chaska hugs Mahad, cries into his arms.

“I do not want to think about it anymore. Can we talk about something else? Please?”

“Of course, kiddo. Anything particular you wanna chat about?”

“No. Please. I just want to speak of something else.”

“Ok then. Well, in that case, I have a question for you. How are you not freezing? I’m chilled to the bone up here. And you’re not even wearing a shirt!”

Chaska laughs. It’s a small laugh, but it’s genuine. Good. This is good.

“I have told you previously, I do not feel cold. I do, however, feel tactile sensations, and shirts-“

“Ooh! I remember this part! Your back is really sensitive, and shirts make you feel uncomfortable, right?”

“Yes. Very good.”

“Actually, I have an idea for that. But! Feeling better?”

“A little.”

“Good. Now, let’s head home. It’s getting late.”

“Let us.”

……………………………..

Later, in Mahad’s apartment. Mahad, Jin, and Chaska are all asleep. The laptop is open to a shopping site with the search phrase “‘virgin killer’ sweater SFW grey”. On the central table sits a doll. It’s a very special doll. It’s made of wood fibers, woven together in a special style that, if a certain would-be conqueror had his way, would be lost to time. But it survived. They always survive.

~the end~

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

How to use neopronouns

A guide by Me

Okay what up bitches my name’s Lia and I’m here to teach you how to use neopronouns, because as fun as these things are, they can be COMPLICATED and I want to help you out. Am I an expert? There ain’t no fucking degree in neopronoun use-ology, so technically no, but I use pretty much every pronoun and neopronoun I see so I’m close enough

Basic disclaimers before we get into this:

-I’m american and I only know english. this guide will cover how to use pronouns in the english language. sorry if you need help with neopronouns in other languages, I can’t help you there -There are fancy grammar words to describe different pronouns. I will not be using them because they confuse me. The way I plan to teach you is (hopefully) simpler than trying to figure out how to pair up the fancy words to the pronouns

Alright babes let’s go

Let’s start this off by saying there are a LOT of neopronouns. And there are a lot of variations in neopronouns. This is why it can be confusing when first trying to use them.

But never fear! I, the god of neopronouns, have come to aid you in your time of need with a handy-dandy method that helps you sort and organize neopronouns so that you can use them properly! Using words that are common in the english language to get used to ones that aren’t-so-common!

The base of this method is understanding that most neopronoun sets follow the rules of already existing pronoun sets- namely it, he, she, and they sets. There are exceptions to this, of course, and I’ll cover them at the end. For now, allow me to go through the main four sets.

The it/its/itself set

While you may not be used to using it as pronouns, the it set is one english speakers should be pretty familiar with. It’s also one of the easiest of the pronoun sets to spot- sets following the it set type will have a base pronoun (i.e. it) that is altered with an ‘s’ added to the end and a ‘self’ added to the end. This set only consists of three pronouns.

An example of the it set is rem/rems/remself. When using neopronouns that follow the it set, follow the grammar of the it set as well. Examples:

It was having a good day. // Rem was having a good day. The bag is its. // The bag is rems. It believed in itself. // Rem believe in remself.

The he/him/his/himself set

Pronoun sets following the he set will be harder to identify than ones that follow it set, as they don’t always revolve around a base pronoun. Pronoun sets that follow the he set should have four pronouns and should not have any pronouns that go “base pronoun, base pronoun + s” (i.e. it, its)- this is an indicator pronoun sets that follow she sets.

An example of the he set is ve/ver/vis/verself. When using neopronouns that follow the he set, follow the grammar of the he set as well. Examples:

He was having a good day. // Ve was having a good day. That belongs to him. // That belongs to ver. The bag is his. // The bad is vis. He believed in himself. // Ve believed in verself.

The she/her/hers/herself set

Due to this set also having four pronouns, it can be easy to confusion pronouns following the she set with ones following the he set. The key detail to remember here is that the she set includes the “base pronoun, base pronoun + s” (i.e. it, its) pronouns that he sets don’t.

An examples of the she set is fae/faer/faers/faerself. When using neopronouns that follow the she set, follow the grammar of the she set as well. Examples:

She was having a good day. // Fae was having a good day. That belongs to her. // That belongs to faer. The bag is hers. // The bag is faers. She believed in herself. // Fae believed in faerself.

The they/them/their/theirs/themself set

Though the they set doesn’t have a base pronoun, it’s often easier to identify than he/she sets, for the sake that it has five pronouns. Most they sets will also have “base pronoun, base pronoun + s” (i.e. it, its) pronouns, though this is not always the case.

An example of the they set is ay/em/air/airs/emself. When using neopronouns that follow the they set, follow the grammar of the they set as well.

Except- what’s this? It’s an EXCEPTION!

As you should know, they/them pronouns are used in a plural sense (’they were happy’ opposed to the singular ‘he was happy’). This does not, however, mean that they set pronouns are plural. In fact, for the most part, they set pronouns are used in a singular sense.

However, neopronouns are used by lots of people with lots of preferences, and there are people who use their pronouns in the plural sense- this can apply to all neopronouns, not just they set ones, I’m just explaining this now because it’s where it fits best in this neat little outline I’ve got going. While I will be giving these examples using the singular sense for the neopronoun examples, that does NOT give you the right to use them singular if the person using them has asked you to treat them as plural pronouns. Don’t be an ass, respect the person’s pronoun choices.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled examples.

They were having a good day. // Ay was having a good day. That belongs to them. // That belongs to em. This is their place. // This is air place. The bag is theirs. // The bag is airs. They believed in themself. // Ay believed in emself.

Other sets

As noted at the beginning of all of this- there are a LOT of neoproun sets. They’re not all going to obey the rules of just four ‘common’ sets!!! That wouldn’t be any FUN.

So I’m going to go through some possible examples of non it-he-she-they following pronoun sets.

Three-pronoun sets that don’t follow the base pronoun + s and + self rule. Example: Ny/nyx/nyxself Possible variations on how to use them: They can be treated like it sets, just with a different letter used as the + s (i.e. That bag is nyx. // That belongs to ny.). They can also be used where the first pronoun is used as it/he/she/they would be used, while the second pronoun fills in everywhere else [barring the + self pronoun spots, of course] (i.e. That bag is nyx. // That belongs to nyx.)

Five-pronoun sets that don’t have base, base + s pronouns Example: Ca/cam/fla/flage/camouflageself Possible variations on how to use them: Usually you just treat it like a they set, only using a different pronoun for the ‘base + s’ slot- i.e. saying ‘that bag is flage’ instead of ‘that bag is flas’

Two-pronoun sets Example: Al/alself Possible variations on how to use them:  Pretty much just use the non + self pronoun in every pronoun slot, the + self pronoun slots barred- i.e. ‘Al was going to the beach for the first time in al life. It was just going to be al and alself on the sand.’

And many, many, many more options!!!

Neopronouns are too varied for me to cover all the possibilities of them, which brings me to my final point: when in doubt, ASK. For the love of the gods, ask the neopronoun user how to use their pronouns if you’re confused. Hell, probably do it even if you’re not confused. Always differ to the pronoun user for the guaranteed right answer (at least for them). If you want to know how to use them but you can’t find someone who uses that particular set, try googling them- often times, you’ll be able to find someone who’s grammar-ed them out for you.

Now, it’s slightly different if you’re looking into these pronouns for yourself, for the sake that neopronouns are W A C K. There are often times dozens of sets nearly identical but for a single letter. They follow crazy patterns that differ for everyone who uses them. If you find neopronouns you want to use for yourself but aren’t sure about grammar, just make your own up. Picking out pronouns for yourself is about your comfort and happiness using them. Make them fit the mold you want them too, and don’t let ANYONE come after you for it. You’re fucking glorious, hun, don’t let cowards and grammar laws scare you.

And with that, we conclude the guide on using neopronouns. If you have questions or something you would like to add, feel free to contact me through my ask box. Dms too, I suppose, but ask box is probably better.

Stay fucking fabulous darlings.

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Your opinion on Ranboo’s concepts of befriending everyone?

The way I see it is; he try to befriend everyone so he wouldn’t get hurt by anyone, other than that he disregard or didn’t care about the reasons of why other characters chooses to do things;

He said L’manburg is just a drug van, as if the memories, bond and feelings that created from there is not valid, because hey? It is just a drug van.

He said all of them (the people who wants to fight for L’manburg) are done for without trying to understand their position of why they choose to fight again.

He seems to don’t care if someone got hurt, when Connor got tortured he said it is very funny thing, when Fundy got tortured he didn’t do anything because the one who tortures Fundy is his friends.

He said Fundy is a coward assuming he only chooses winning side (which we know that’s not completely true from Fundy’s pov he said he didn’t care about win or lose)

He said people need to be more empathic, but isn’t he is one of the least person to do that? Sorry to ramble on I want to know if others see his character like this or it’s just me?

Hmm...now, this is an incredibly complicated issue so who knows if I have anything worthwhile to say about it, but...I guess I’ll try to give my take?

Now, I get where Ranboo’s coming from. I agree with him somewhat, and a lot of other characters do as well. A lot of pain on the server comes from people choosing sides instead of friendships. 

Ranboo’s ultimate point is that conflicts should be about people and not sides. In his perfect world, all conflicts would be between individuals, and factions would play no part. Tommy burns down George’s house? That’s an issue between Tommy and George and L’manburg shouldn’t be roped into that.

That makes sense!

The issue with this is that...well, sides are people, aren’t they? And every person joins a side for good reason. Obviously the fight for L’manburg is about more than just the van, more than just the buildings. It’s about the people too. And it’s about gaining sympathy for a certain side because you think they’re the one in the right and the other side is the one doing wrong.

Ranboo’s greatest issue is that his philosophy leads him to be a bystander. In his perfect world, two people with a conflict solve it between themselves without getting countries or other people involved in their issue. But is that going to lead to justice if the person who has all the leverage, all the power, is the one in the wrong? 

How about we take a look at the original war.

The Disc War. 

So...Tommy wasn’t involved in the conflict here. In Ranboo’s perfect world, he would have never gotten involved in the first place. The conflict was between individuals -- Ponk and Sapnap. The reason Tommy got involved was because Sapnap took Tommy’s chestplate to fight in the war and Tommy was annoyed about that, and Sapnap convinced Tommy to join his side to get it back after explaining how he’d been wronged by Ponk and Alyssa.

What started as a conflict between individuals became a conflict between sides. Alyssa gained sympathy for Ponk, Tommy gained sympathy for Sapnap.

Punz and Tubbo said they were on the side of justice and so they would remain neutral. Dream logged on to stop the fighting, was killed by Sapnap and Tommy, and then stole Tommy’s discs so that he’d have leverage for an apology. That was how the Disc War began. People that started out neutral got pulled into the conflict and ended up choosing sides that they believed were right, and got invested in their sides once they got wronged directly.

This continued with Tubbo and Tommy’s war soon after, which was a conflict that was entirely between two individuals but had other people gaining sympathy for the person they thought had been wronged the most. 

What about the next big one?

The L’manburg War.

They never really stood a chance, did they? Sure, their ideals were questionable, but ultimately they were bound by camaraderie and their own desire to fight against the most powerful people on the server, to fight against “tyranny.”

Whether or not you agree with Dream’s side in this war, L’manburg was more than just a drug van to them. Tubbo had just seen his farms destroyed. Tommy had just seen Schlatt banned. Wilbur decided that Dream’s rule was tyranny, and so he decided to create an alternative option to that ruler. That was what L’manburg was, really. An alternative option. An alternative side to agree with, an alternative set of ideals to stand by.

A side isn’t just people, it’s the morals that those people believe in.

Yes, that ended up getting more people than just the individuals with grievances involved -- Fundy and Eret -- but everyone believed in that message, of standing up to oppression. Yeah, even Eret. Eret betrayed because he saw that it was a lost battle (which it was), not because he disagreed with the idea of revolution from the beginning.

The biggest issue with Ranboo is that he chooses people instead of something he himself stands for. His whole point is to not choose sides but fight for those who have helped you. He believes in reciprocity. But what else?

If you do everything out of reciprocity, what’s stopping you from accepting bribery?

What’s the difference between bribery and gaining favors except the order in which the niceties are done? It’s still just doing something helpful for someone to get them on your side, isn’t it?

Think back to the days just after the L’manburg War. Jack Manifold joined the server and Dream started bribing him with money, riches, sending him secret codes. And it was working.

What did Dream do next?

He tried to bribe Tommy with the discs.

And it didn’t work, because it wasn’t what Tommy believed in. Tommy didn’t sacrifice his discs for the ideals of L’manburg, for the cause, just to get them back out of bribery. 

The issue with Ranboo’s philosophy is that he doesn’t have those same ideals, those same causes. He only stands for people who help him.

Someone who is in the wrong morally could help him, and he would help them back because of reciprocity. But is that right? It’s reciprocating the kindness, sure, but is it right?

If you’re loyal only for loyalty’s sake, what do you really believe in? What do you stand up for? 

If you stand up for everyone who helps you, who do you stand up for when those people start hurting each other?

If Ranboo stands for nothing, what does he fall for?

[randomhl-vraifam]

So if you haven't seen @gryphsdeadbones and his incredible Gordon Cubed AU... go check it out, please. It's literally so fucking good, and you can read the comic @gordoncubed.

I asked if I could write something for this AU, and got the go ahead, so here we are! It was inspired by this ask and this ask, just in case anyone needs context for what's happening.

Anyway, uh... yeah. Here's a thing.

If you had told Gordon Freeman that, somewhere in the universe, there existed multiple versions of himself, each from very different dimensions, he might have actually believed you. He was a theoretical physicist, after all. The unknown and hypothetical was kind of his area of expertise.

However, if you had told him that his alternates were… like this? That he might have had a hard time believing. He was absolutely blown away by how much those two could talk. They did it constantly! Freeman wasn’t sure if they knew how to not talk. He considered, more than once, finding tape in one of the abandoned offices and sealing both their mouths shut.

He thought he’d be relieved if either of them decided to shut up.

Until one of them did.

Feetman (he still didn’t know what was up with that name) had been dangerously close to dying. Not that any of them were exactly safe from dying, but Feetman had ended up being a little closer to death than Freeman wanted to think about. He found himself wishing Feetman would talk more. If only to ensure that he was still conscious.

And he found himself wishing Freemind would talk less. A lot less.

It was almost as though the man felt the need to talk through the silence Feetman wasn’t filling. And he did so. Very obnoxiously. Normally, Freeman would tell him to knock off his shit, but he had a feeling that Freemind was just as nervous as he was, and the only outlet he had was talking. Freeman let it slide.

If you asked Freemind, he’d tell you that he gave absolutely no fucks about Feetman. He didn’t give a fuck about either of these idiots, aside from the fact that they were somewhat useful in getting through this hellhole. Except one of them was now considerably less useful.

Not only was Feetman less useful, he was a hindrance. Freemind didn’t like slow progress. He liked efficiency. He liked getting shit done. Dragging Feetman’s dumb ass around was not effecient and it wasn’t getting shit done. The guy seemed like he was almost always on the verge of collapsing.

So if he suggested that Feetman sit the fuck down, it was for the sake of making sure the idiot didn’t pass out and further impede their progress. Not because it bothered him to see the guy struggling to stand up straight. Because he didn’t give a fuck.

It’d gotten better after a couple of days, but only by a narrow margin. They weren’t having to stop as often, but Freeman was still adamant that Feetman not take any shifts on night watch, which Freemind found annoying as hell. He kept that opinion to himself, though. The silent member of the trio didn’t seem willing to compromise on the matter, and Freemind wasn’t willing to try and make him.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t pissed off about it. Freeman could see Freemind getting more and more agitated. He snapped more often, and in more hurtful ways. There were only so many times Freeman could tell him to shut up, eventually Freemind got around to talking again.

Freeman didn’t mind stopping for Feetman when he needed it. More often than not, Freeman would have to put a hand on his left shoulder to stop him, to make him take a break. Every time, Feetman would say that he could keep going, even if he was on the verge of falling over. He hadn’t needed to stop during his first run, he’d insist, he didn’t need to stop now.

So when Feetman hesitantly grabbed his arm, Freeman stopped, immediately worried that his counterpart needed him for balance.

“Hey, uh…” Feetman looked at him blearily behind bent frames. Freeman was sure all of their glasses were damaged at this point. His own lenses were cracked. “Can we- I hate to ask, but…” He trailed off, seeming to lose his train of thought.

Freeman steadied Gordon with one hand, then quickly signed, “Do you need to stop?”

Feetman nodded. “Yeah, I think- should probably… yeah. Gordon, uh, hurt.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, are you serious?” Freemind groaned, clearly in one of his more irritable moods. “We’re never gonna get anywhere like this!”

Deciding to ignore Freemind, Freeman ushered their limbless counterpart to a nearby room. This wasn’t a part of Black Mesa he’d frequented, so he wasn’t exactly sure what the room was for. Peeking inside, it looked like a lab of sorts. The broken bunsen burners were a pretty good indication that this particular lab had worked with chemicals.

The room looked safe enough to hunker down for a few minutes, and he needed to check on Feetman’s arm. Probably wouldn’t hurt to check under Freemind’s eyepatch, too. He was fairly certain no one had been in there aside from a couple of aliens, considering none of the lights were on, and the cabinets that might have contained anything useful were closed.

Downside, there was probably gonna be a lot of chemical spills. Upside, there was probably a medical kit.

Feetman stopped before going in. “Why are the lights out in there?”

Freeman heard Freemind scoff behind him, but he flicked the light switch, and Feetman relaxed considerably. Freemind grew increasingly agitated as Freeman searched the room for a medical kit. “Why the fuck are you babying him? We need to move!”

Freeman pulled the lab’s medkit off the wall, tempted to throw it at Freemind, but restrained himself. “Let me see your eye.”

“Nah,” Freemind said. “I’m all good. Not gonna bitch about a stupid injury like some people.”

“Fuck you, man,” Feetman muttered. He winced as Freeman started pulling off his bandages, and waved off the signed apology.

Freemind snorted. “Yeah, no thanks.” He kicked at a pile of broken glass that had most likely been a beaker at some point. “If he’s gonna be fucking useless or whatever, then the two of us should scope the area. Make sure there’s nothing around.”

It wasn’t a bad idea, exactly, but Feetman immediately froze at the suggestion. “Uh- I don’t…” Freeman raised an eyebrow, but continued to change the bandages on what was left of his arm. He had a feeling that Feetman didn’t want to be by himself for any extended period of time. Couldn’t blame him, really.

“What?” Freemind snapped, “Gonna bitch about being alone, too?” Feetman averted his gaze, which was all the confirmation Freemind needed to know that he was right. “What are you, six? Man up.”

Freeman shot him a glare. “Go by yourself.”

Freemind scowled. “Are you stupid? I’m missing an eye! Can’t see shit coming from my left.”

“Then stay in here and stop complaining,” Freeman signed. Freemind wasn’t sure how he managed such a clipped, irritated tone with his hands, but the mute managed. He might have been something close to impressed if he wasn’t so pissed off.

“Fine,” Freemind spat. “Whatever. Don’t listen to the smartest person on the team.”

Feetman’s face scrunched in thought. “Aren’t we… like, the same person?”

“No. Because I’m better.” Freemind leaned against the wall. “Honestly, you guys are so lucky to have me around. You’d probably both be dead if I wasn’t here.” Freeman had the audacity to roll his eyes. “Something to say?”

Freeman, of course, said nothing. Freemind couldn’t decide if he could take the silence as a win or not. He couldn’t argue with someone that wouldn’t--or couldn’t--talk back, and he couldn’t win an argument they weren’t having. How was he supposed to prove he was better if Freeman wasn’t even giving him the option?

So Freemind, bored and irritated, did the only thing he could think to do: push every button until something happened. “How long are you gonna play nursemaid? I’ve got better things to do than waste away in this hellhole.”

“You’re not the only one who wants to go home, man,” Feetman said. “You’re just the only one complaining about it all the time.”

Freeman suppressed a laugh as he finished wrapping Feetman’s arm. He could see Freemind getting huffy in his peripheral, but paid it no mind. The guy had largely been all bark and no bite during this whole ordeal, although Freeman didn’t doubt the guy had started a few fights in his time. He’d probably start one now if it weren’t for the fact that they needed each other for survival.

Freemind wasn’t all bad (it was pretty damn close to all, though). Freeman had seen the softer side of him, hidden under about a million layers of a complex superiority/inferiority complex. He’d tried toughing it out the first day after he’d lost his left eye, but by the second day he was hovering closer to Freeman and Feetman.

He had called it a strategic advantage. They could see, he could not. If he had one of them on his left, they’d be his lookout, or a sufficient meat-shield. Whichever the situation called for.

Neither of them missed the way he’d occasionally reach out to tap an arm. Or the way he’d intentionally bump a shoulder and then angrily insist that they had been in the way. They didn’t say anything about it, though. Freemind would only be an even bigger pain in the ass if they pointed it out.

Freeman was less pissed that Freemind was protecting his dignity, and more pissed that he wasn’t offering Feetman the same courtesy of not mentioning his weakness. Then again, Freemind was probably too insecure to admit he cared.

“Well, at least I’m not scared of the fucking dark,” Freemind said triumphantly. “I’ve seen you clingin’ to Freeman over there whenever the lights get dim.”

Feetman rolled his eyes, “Oh, yeah. Like you haven’t been clinging to both of us the past couple of days.”

Freemind’s face reddened. In embarrassment or anger, Freeman couldn’t be sure. “Are you calling me a coward?”

“No, but…” Feetman chuckled under his breath, quietly singing, “You are a pirate.”

“Bold words coming from the cripple of the group,” Freemind seethed. “Are we ready to go or not? I’m tired of waiting around for you fucking idiots.”

Freeman snapped the medkit closed and signed, “Then go.” Freemind glared, but didn’t move. A testament to how much he actually relied on their presence.

It was a liability. One that Freemind hated himself for having. Being dependent on people wasn’t exactly his style. Yet here he was, unable to leave this stupid room because he couldn’t leave without these two idiots. Well, he could, but he wasn’t going to.

After a few more minutes of Freeman fussing over Feetman’s missing arm, Feetman claimed that he was ready to go. Freemind thought it was about fucking time, but Freeman didn’t seem so sure.

Freemind couldn’t figure out why Freeman was being such a mother hen about all this. Usually it was Feetman doing that, which made sense, considering they guy had a kid. Freemind thought he’d be glad to have Feetman off his back about his eye and everything else, but Freeman was almost worse. At least Feetman listened somewhat, even if it was just to bicker with him. Freeman would just tell him to shut up.

He ducked out of the room while Freeman and Feetman continued a mostly one-way conversation. Ironically enough, it was Freeman doing most of the talking. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.”

“We can stay a few more minutes, if you need to.”

“I said I’m fine, man,” Feetman said. “Or- well… as ‘fine’ as I’m gonna get.” He glanced out to the hallway. “Think his eye is okay?”

Freeman shrugged. “He’ll start complaining when he wants someone to look at it.”

Feetman nodded. “Yeah… alright. Guess we better get moving before he-”

“Will you two hurry the fuck up!” Freemind shouted from the hallway. “You morons are slower than my dead grandmother!”

A cheerful smile overtook Feetman’s face, taking Freeman by surprise. “Gordon,” he said happily, “I crave violence!”

The moment was gone before Freeman could question it. He’d learned to stop asking about Feetman’s little outbursts. They were his friends, supposedly. Something about his first run? Freeman didn’t know. And there was no telling what might trigger it, so Freeman mostly relied on context.

Like now, for instance. Even if the smile was cheerful, the words suggested Feetman was about two seconds from strangling Freemind with his remaining hand. So Freeman decided it’d probably be best to keep the two separate. At least until they both calmed down a little.

Freemind noticed Freeman’s efforts to keep them separated. He decided against pushing any more buttons, since Feetman seemed capable of talking back, despite his injury. And, honestly, how dare he talk back to a god like Freemind?

Really, he didn’t understand why Feetman was getting so worked up about everything damn thing. Freemind himself hated being a liability, so why was Feetman so insistent on being one all the fucking time? It was infuriating. Feetman should be just as on guard as he was, not overreacting about a dark room. They didn’t have time for him to be scared of every damn thing.

None of them liked the dark. So why was Feetman being such a bitch about it?

Freeman suddenly waved a hand to get his attention. “Storage area.”

Freemind grinned. “Nice! Might find some guns in there.”

“Or supplies,” Feetman added.

“Whatever,” Freemind dismissed, already shoving past him to take a look around the storage room.

Unfortunately, it looked pretty ransacked already, but the three men spread out to search through the splintered crates. Well, Freemind and Freeman did anyway. Feetman just seemed to be smashing them, for some reason. He stopped after a couple of minutes and frowned. “Why am I smashing crates?”

Freemind’s face twisted in confusion. This guy might actually be losing it. “Are you brain dead or something?” Feetman blinked at him. “Know what? Fuck it. Never mind.” Freeman was better at dealing with whatever that issue was. Apparently, Feetman’s… ‘friends’... really liked smashing crates.

The dude was seriously fucked up. Not just his arm, either.

He wasn’t finding anything useful, and was about to see if Freeman had found anything, when the lights suddenly flickered. “What the-” ‘fuck’ didn’t get a chance to leave his mouth before the room went completely dark.

For a moment, he thought he’d lost his other eye. A spike of panic tore through him at the thought of being totally blind during an alien invasion, but then remembered that he’d seen the lights flicker. It was just a power outage. His eye was fine.

“Um… guys?” Feetman called out. “Where- you guys still in here?”

Freemind started to answer back, ‘Yes, dumbass, of course we’re still here,’ but he stopped himself. Feetman needed to stop being a bitch about the dark, and here was the perfect opportunity for some exposure therapy. And if Freemind didn’t say anything, then Feetman would have to get over his thing about being alone, too.

It was two birds with one stone. If Feetman could handle being alone, in the dark, until the backup generator for this area kicked on, then everything else would be a cakewalk by comparison. Without Feetman bitching all the time, they could get out faster.

Genius plan. Foolproof. God, he was so fucking smart. And the best part was, Freeman couldn’t even ruin it. The guy didn’t talk, and his sign language was useless in the dark.

“Freeman?” Feetman tried again. “Did- did you guys leave?” Perfect. Feetman thought he was alone. Now all he had to do was stay calm and- “This isn’t funny, guys!”

Freemind raised an eyebrow, kind of a useless gesture in the dark, but it felt necessary. This wasn’t supposed to be funny. It was supposed to be productive. It was a solution to a problem. Freemind was fixing the problem. All Feetman had to do was stay calm. How difficult could it be?

He bit back a curse as he heard footsteps to his left. Freeman was trying to find Feetman! That would ruin this whole thing! Did Freeman not understand what he was trying to do here? No, of course he didn’t. Why would he? He was an idiot, just like everyone else.

“Who is that?” Feetman asked in a wavering voice. “What are you doing?!” The footsteps stopped. Freemind smiled, glad that his plan was back on track, but frowned again when he heard the unmistakable sound of the HEV suit hitting something. The wall? The floor? Did Feetman trip over something? What a goddamn moron.

Feetman had indeed hit the floor, tripping over a demolished crate in his attempt to back away from whoever was moving towards him.

Freemind wasn’t answering him. He couldn’t see Freeman. Did something happen to them? Were they okay? Was this another ambush? Did the other two set this up? They couldn’t have. Could they? Would they? He’d been betrayed by people he trusted before...

The darkness closed in on him more and more with every terrified thought that ran through his head. His arm throbbed in time with his heartbeat, which was entirely too fast and he couldn’t make it stop. He wanted to call out again, for Freeman or Freemind or anyone, but his throat closed up with panic before he could. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe. It felt like he was dying. Maybe he was dying.

Freeman heard Feetman’s choked off gasp, and started moving again. He knew the approaching footsteps were going to freak Feetman out, but he needed to make sure his counterpart wasn’t injured. His eyes were starting to adjust a bit, letting him make out the barest outline of the boxes closest to him so he could move around them, but finding Feetman was an entirely different challenge.

Finally, he could see the vague shape of Feetman, on his knees and curled in on himself. He hoped the lights came back on soon. Because once he helped Feetman, he had a universal sign for Freemind that relied heavily on his middle finger. Was this his idea of a joke?

Feetman was hyperventilating, mumbling incoherently as Freeman slowly knelt down next to him. He tapped the floor lightly in hopes that Feetman would understand that this was a friend. Not an alien or a soldier, not a threat. But Feetman didn’t seem to register it, if anything, he only seemed to panic more.

After a few seconds of Freeman trying desperately to come up with a solution, the fluorescent lights whirred back to life. Freemind was standing on the other side of the room, looking almost annoyed at the situation. Then he saw Feetman collapsed on the ground, and his expression softened into something resembling concern.

“Whoa, the fuck?” He made his way over to his two alternates, wondering where the hell his plan went wrong. “What the hell’s wrong with him?”

Freeman sliced a hand across his throat, the unofficial sign for ‘cut that shit out’, then signed, “Help him.”

Freemind suddenly felt very out of his element. How the fuck was he supposed to help? “Hey, uh…” He cleared his throat nervously.

Nervously? Since when did he get nervous?

Maybe since he’d unintentionally plunged someone into a panic attack.

Shut up, he scolded himself. He was Gordon ‘Freemind’ Freeman. He didn’t make mistakes. He just… miscalculated. A little. Not enough to count as a failure.

“Listen, just- just calm down, it’s… the lights are back on, okay? You can stop freaking out.” There. Facts. Feetman hated the dark, and now there was no more dark.

“Shut up,” Feetman said in a strangled voice. “Sh-shut the fuck up.”

Hm. Okay. That was bad, Freemind was pretty sure. “Okay, well, I don’t know what the fuck you want me to do here, so I’m just gonna keep talking.” Feetman shook his head. “Yeah, I am. Because you’re so stuck in your own stupid brain that-” Freeman nudged him. “What?”

“Just talk,” Freeman signed angrily. “Don’t be an asshole.”

“Alright, alright, alright,” Freemind huffed. “Listen, I didn’t… I didn’t know the dark was gonna fuck with you that bad. I thought you’d, like, get over it. Which you didn’t. And that’s bullshit, but whatever. Next time I won’t do that.”

Feetman tensed. “Next time?” He asked frantically, “What- there’s gonna be a next time? I can’t-”

“What? No!” Freemind exclaimed. “That’s not what I meant, you- fuck.” He looked to Freeman for help. “Any other great ideas?”

Freeman didn’t know. On reflex, he reached out to put a hand on Feetman’s arm. Of the three of them, Feetman was probably the most touch-oriented. He knew his mistake as soon as his hand grazed the HEV suit, Feetman immediately recoiling, eyes wide with fear .

“Get away from me!” Freeman started to pull back, realizing too late that this was the wrong arm to touch in the moment. But before he could apologize, pain exploded across the right side of his face. He could see Feetman scrambling backwards through the stars in his eyes. Feetman really packed a punch.

“What the fuck’s wrong with you?!” Freemind yelled. “Why’d you do that, Freeman was trying to help, dumbass!”

He shook his head to get Freemind’s attention. “It’s fine. I shouldn’t have scared him.” He should have known better. He should have made sure Feetman was okay first. He refused to blame Feetman for lashing out during such a vulnerable moment.

The panicked haze in Freeman’s eyes cleared a bit. “F- fuck, I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t-” Freeman shook his head, assuring Feetman that he was fine. “What happened? You… the lights went out and I couldn’t- you weren’t…”

Freeman glanced at Freemind, having more or less the same question. “Why didn’t you say anything when the lights went out?”

Freemind at least had the decency to look… guilty? The expression was so foreign on Freemind’s face that Freeman almost didn’t recognize it. “I was- I had this plan.” He stopped like he expected to be interrupted, then continued when he realized that Freeman and Feetman were still listening, “I thought you were kinda overreacting about the dark and shit. So I was trying to help you, like, get over yourself. And that didn’t, uh… that didn’t work.”

Feetman wheezed. “You- you’re an idiot.” He rubbed his eyes under his glasses. “Why the fuck did you think that would work? That’s the stupidest-”

“Shut up.”

“-thing I have ever heard in my-”

“Feetman, so help me god, I will turn these lights back off.”

“-entire fucking life,” Feetman finished. Freemind grumbled, but otherwise held his tongue. Feetman then turned to Freeman and winced. “Jesus, man, your face. I’m real sorry about that.”

Freeman shrugged. “I’ve had worse. It was my fault, anyway.” Feetman didn’t look convinced, biting his lip and holding his right arm tight to his chest. He figured now was probably a better time to ask, “Do you want a hug?”

“No,” Feetman said. Then, after a moment, “Maybe… yeah.” He glanced at Freemind. “As long as the resident pirate isn’t gonna be a dick about it.”

Freemind narrowed his eye. “Shut up.” But despite the venom in his voice, he leaned against Feetman’s left side. “Don’t say another word.”

Freeman slung an arm around Feetman, giving him a reassuring squeeze that neither of them could feel, but it was the thought that counted. Feetman almost immediately relaxed into the embrace, quietly muttering a word Freeman didn’t recognize, “Pog.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Freemind asked. “No, actually, I don’t care. I hate it. Don’t ever say that again.”

Feetman laughed again, lightly bickering with Freemind until all three of them were ready to go. There wasn’t much they could salvage in the storage area, unfortunately, but hopefully they’d find something later.

Freemind didn’t make another comment about Feetman’s fear of being alone or in the dark. If you asked him, he’d say that Feetman bitching about the dark was marginally more productive than him being collapsed on the floor. Again, it was all just survival.

And if anyone said that they saw him quietly talking to Feetman at night, distracting him from the dark and the pain in his arm until he fell asleep, that person was a goddamn liar.

[fanartfunart]

Fly Away

Episode 6: Riposte

Ao3 - First - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

(Féline Sombre & Paon Lilas designs)

Summery: An AU where Adrien never went to in-person school, not getting the cat miraculous, and found the peacock miraculous. - Marinette and Sabrina try out for D’Argencourt’s fencing academy, and a mysterious person challenges Adrien for a spot in the academy.

-

“You've been reviewing the fencing rules all weekend, it's going to be great!” Tiki exclaimed cheerfully. Marinette smiled and nodded.

“Oh! Marinette!” Sabrina waved cheerily, holding her fencing helmet under her arm. Tiki squeaked and hid in a fencing helmet as the other teen ran up to Marinette. 

“Hi? Sabrina?” Marinette said slowly, looking around the room, “...Is Chloé here?”

They nodded, “Yep! She’s going to be watching!”

Marinette grimaced. Great, now she had to worry about Chloé judging her too. She shook her head, “I… didn’t know you were interested in fencing?”

“I thought it’d go well with my self defense training. It should be fun too! For lots of reasons! Chloé and I roleplay as superheroes sometimes... Well, actually, Chloé’s always Ladybug-” Marinette made a face, but Sabrina didn’t comment on it, “and I used to play the villains. But now that Paon Lilas showed up, I finally have a superhero to play as! …. Anyway, while I researched the sport, I noticed much of his combat style is informed by fencing-” she shifted into a fencing stance, making a few combat poses (which did in fact, remind Marinette of Paon Lilas), “You can tell by the way he moves.”

“You roleplay as… Paon Lilas? Why?” Marinette frowned, crossing her arms, “What about Féline Sombre? They’re cool.”

Sabrina straightened their posture, smiling almost nervously, “...You think Féline Sombre’s cool?” she shook her head, “I, uh, do too... but... I uh- I... Paon Lilas matches my color scheme! Blue and purple!”

Marinette sighed, “Of course… Well, good luck Sabrina-” She grabbed a fencing helmet, and dropped it on her head. Marinette yelped, stumbling back, noticing something inside the helmet. Tiki stared at her from inside with wide eyes. After the initial shock, the kwami had to cover her mouth to contain her giggle.

“...You okay Marinette?” Sabrina asked.

She gave Tiki a glance and took the helmet back off to allow Tiki to subtly hide in a better spot. “Yep. Yep, don’t mind me, just- thought a loose hair was a spider for a second…” she pointedly brushed some of her hair away from her face and grinned awkwardly. She ran from the room to get in place with the rest of the prospective students.

-

“I am the fencing master, Mr. D'Argencourt. Instead of the estimated one open spot, we have two, due to an… unexpected drop out…. The coward,”  Mr. D’Argencourt said, flourishing his saber, “So, in order to select the best possible candidates, I will observe the beginners performing a number of attacks on the experienced students,” he gestured to the group of the current students, “Get into position!” 

Marinette squeaked as one of the students walked towards her, “Actually, maybe I’m not cut out for this…” 

“If you’re worried about why Landon dropped out, it’s because of the akuma attacks, not because of the classes. He and his mom are moving out of Paris,” the fencer explained. 

“Oh thank goodness- Oh well, I mean, not for Landon because that must be hard- I- It’s just- I mean, the akumas certainly aren’t great- ” Marinette sputtered. She sighed, and offered her hand, “I’m Marinette.”

The fencer raised his helmet. Adrien smiled, “I know. It’s nice to see you here.”

“Wh-” Marinette’s brows furrowed, “Wait, weren’t you sick? Why are you doing sports?”

He blushed a little and rubbed the back of his neck, “I’ve been feeling better since last week. And, uh, skipping class… wasn’t an option. Don’t worry, I talked to Mr. D’Argencourt beforehand. If I ever raise both of my hands in surrender, it’s because I got dizzy or something, and we’ll stop. He’ll get you rotated with a different partner.”

Marinette nodded firmly, “As long as you’re being safe.”

“Get into position!” D’Argencourt commanded. 

Adrien smiled at her and dropped his helmet back over his face. With a quick instruction on her form, Adrien stepped back into his side of the strip, waiting for Marinette to get a hang of what she was doing. They fenced for a while as Adrien explained how saber fencing worked. Eventually, he regretfully had to request a time out.

Marinette pushed her helmet up, “You feeling okay?”

He nodded, pushing his own up, taking in a deep breath of the unrestricted air, “Just winded, I’m gonna get some water and I’ll be good to go for another bout.” 

When Adrien returned, the class was bunched together. He easily spotted Chloé in the crowd (being the only person not in fencing gear) and walked next to her. “What’s going on?”

“Oh, Adrikins!” Chloé hugged him, and really, he’d rather not have had the air squeezed out of him at the moment, but resigned himself to it anyway. “This kid in red showed up and says they’re the best fencer everywhere they’ve been- but don’t worry, they’re obviously not as good as you.” 

He raised a brow but said nothing. 

“All right!” D’Argencourt exclaimed to the newcomer, “I may consider your admission, shall you defeat one of my students.”

The fencer in red strode forward, “Which one of you is the best combatant?” the fencer demanded. The crowd parted, and Adrien found himself alone in the center. He glanced towards Marinette, who gave him an awkward thumbs up.

D’Argencourt gestured to the primary fencing strip, “Adrien, please give our visitor a lesson in chivalry.”

He halfway suspected D’Argencourt had entirely forgotten he wasn’t at his best, but, if everyone thought he was the best here, who was he to disappoint? He nodded, “Yes sir.”

-

Chloé could care less about fencing. It’s all sweaty and involves clashing and clanging metal together. But, it's her Adrien's sport, and Sabrina seemed to think it was fun too. Least she could do was watch in support. With Marinette’s incessant questions and the answers other students were giving, Chloé could somewhat follow the bout. Really, who did this random red rouge think they were? Trying to take her Adrikin’s place as the best fencer in the Academy? 

“Uhhh… Abstention!”  D’Argencourt called. The fencers returned to their starting line.

Adrien pulled his helmet up to breathe, and looked up at the fencer in red, brows furrowed in determination. He dropped the helmet back over his face. 

“Tired yet?” The fencer taunted.

“Just getting started,” Adrien called back, straightening his stance.

“... Shall I request we do this the old fashioned way then?” they turned to D’Argencourt, “We'll be much more at ease without the machine.”

D’Argencourt considered it, “Adrien?”

He smiled behind his helmet, “Fine with me.”

Chloé focused on each move and clash and blow. Freed of their attachments, the fencers moved with agility and panache. Jumping, spinning, clashing. Some boring person muttered “Aren’t they supposed to stay on the strip?” The fencers raced up the stairwell and Chloé made her way to the front to watch them closely. Chloé didn’t pay much attention to the fact that Marinette was the only other person who had kept up with the fight. Nor did she pay attention to the fact that Sabrina had been clearing her path among the crowd before.

The fencer would lunge, Adrien would parry. Adrien feinted a step and pulled back, drawing them in, and the fencer would leap out of the way of his counterattack. Blades clashed and clamored. Adrien knocked the fencer through the doors of the Library. Marinette stood in front of the opened doors as the pair fought, watching intently.

“Out of my way,” Chloé huffed, shoving Marinette to take her spot in watching the pair fight. She yelped as a book cart was sent her way and she narrowly jumped out of the way, “Hey!”

Neither fencers paid any attention. (Which, ouch, really? Is she not important enough here?) 

“Let’s finish this!” the red-clad fencer announced, and they both lunged. Chloé blinked and both sabers were being pulled away from the other fencer’s chest. 

The fencers turned to look at Chloé. “Who got the first hit?!” The figure in red  demanded, “Who?”

Adrien pulled off his helmet and rubbed the spot he’d been hit, grimacing slightly.

“Er…” Chloé frowned and the group finally caught up to them, whispering curiosities. “Adrien?” 

“Wait, you’re not even one of my students….” D’Argencourt noted, “Are you sure?”

Chloé huffed, tilting her head up, "Of course! And I'm sure my father, the Mayor, would love to explain to you why I’m right~” she side stepped closer and lowered her voice, “You already lost the election to him, do you really wanna lose your job as well?"

Adrien frowned. “Actually, I think they touched me first,” Adrien said, turning to D’Argencourt.

“Er- Referee has the last word!” D’Argencourt exclaimed, “This victory is… certainly an honor to the D’Argencourt Academy!” He chuckled nervously as Chloé grinned.

Adrien frowned and watched as the fencer walked away and thrust their saber into the ground. “I’m going to offer them a decisive match,” he said, and raced after them. 

“Hey! Adriekins, why are you following them? You won!” Chloé sighed and followed him, rolling her eyes. 

Adrien pulled the fencer’s sword from the ground and ran towards the fencer’s car. “Wait! Your saber!” 

Chloé raced down the entrance, “Come on Adrikins, you won, what’s this...” she halted as she looked up. The red clad fencer removed their helmet and…well she was unfairly pretty. Dark hair and dark eyes and a dusting of freckles like stardust on her cheeks... “About…”

Adrien continued forward anyway, “Let’s do a, er, decisive match?” Adrien offered, smiling.

“Like she said-” The fencer said, gesturing to Chloé, “You won. There’s no such thing as second chances in my family. Goodbye.” She turned and got into the car. 

“Hey! What’s your…” The car door slammed and the car drove off. “...name.” He frowned and glanced down at the red saber. 

Chloé shook him. “Who was that? I must know immediately.”

He sighed, watching the car retreat into the distance. “Well… I saw her ring, it reminded me of something... Give me a second-” He grabbed his phone and looked up the imagery of the ring.

-

“Oh curse the passage of time,” D’Argencourt grumbled, “We will finish the last rounds of candidate selection next Thursday. Er, you four-” He pointed at Marinette, Sabrina, and two other students, “You’re in for the last rounds. Everyone else, farewell, no need to return,” he waved the group of prospective students away and the group dispersed. 

Sabrina was suddenly next to Marinette. Marinette yelped as she noticed the other teen so close. “You’re in the last bracket! That’s awesome!”

Marinette raised a brow, “Uh… Thank you. Congrats to you too.” 

They smiled, “Yeah! I’m super excited!” she bounced in place, “I can’t wait to master the blade.” 

Somewhere outside, Chloé screamed.

Sabrina gasped, “Chloé! I’ve gotta check on her!” Sabrina ran off, brow furrowed in determination. 

Marinette frowned and ran off in another direction, finding somewhere to transform. Chloé’s screams usually meant akumas.

-

“Adrien!” Chloé cried out as the akumatized villain pointed their sword at him. Adrien was on the ground, holding the red handled saber against Riposete’s sword.

“I’m taking you up on your offer for a decisive match!” Riposte exclaimed.

Adrien strained against the sword. He gave up and rolled out from under her. “I can’t fight you like this!”

“Fight!” she demanded with another slash. Féline Sombre tumbled in and knocked the sword away with her staff. 

“Hey now, play nice,” Féline said, shifting to get in front of Adrien. 

“I’m not playing,” Riposte said, “I will show you all just who the greater swordsman is!” 

Adrien groaned and scrambled to a stand, moving through a blur of dots in his vision, only to run into someone. Strong hands balanced him. “Careful,” Ladybug said.

“She’s after my Adrikins!” Chloé explained to Ladybug, hiding behind a pillar, “You need to protect him!”

“I can protect my-” his body decided this was a perfect time to betray him. He stumbled and coughed. ...Probably too much exertion today.

Riposte knocked Féline Sombre back, and rushed towards Adrien and Ladybug. Ladybug wrapped her yoyo around Riposete’s sword and yanked. Riposete’s arm was pulled away from Adrien, but the yoyo slipped off.

“It’s fused to her hand?” Ladybug exclaimed.

Féline Sombre got back up and vaulted towards Adrien and Ladybug. 

“I guess you can’t dis-arm her!" Féline Sombre chuckled awkwardly. 

"Puns? Seriously?" Ladybug shook her head, “Féline, get Adrien somewhere safe, I'll keep her occupied.” 

"Can do Bug, come on Adrien," Féline grabbed him around the waist and he yelped as they extended their staff into the air and the ground twirled away from him without his input.

Riposte growled under her breath and sliced a pillar and kicked it towards Ladybug. She stumbled back and lassoed the pillar before it could fall into her. Riposte was already bounding off after Féline Sombre. Ladybug sighed and hooked her yoyo on a nearby chimney to follow after.

"I really need somebody who's better at distraction than I am."

-

Féline Sombre landed on a bridge, gently dropping Adrien. She looked around, "Okay, okay, we're probably far enough to pause and make a plan of action. If she's looking to fight you then hiding might be your best bet, but that could become dangerous if she finds you and you're somewhere you can't escape-"

"No, hiding is great!" Adrien grinned awkwardly, already stepping away. He glanced around for places to transform. "I can do that! I'll just-"

Riposte landed just a few feet away from them before Adrien could run away. "Stand and fight, you coward!"

"I’m not going to fight you like this!” Adrien protested, “You're not yourself! What's the honor in this?"

Riposte lunged forward and he ducked, rolling out of the way. Féline Sombre twirled on their staff and kicked Riposte away. 

Riposte growled and slashed the lampposts. Féline Sombre’s eyes widened as the old metal lamps crashed and caged her against the edge of the bridge. They strained against the metal, “Adrien look out!”

Riposte immediately turned to him. She advanced quickly and he scrambled back, automatically shifting into a fencing form, red handled blade in hand. Riposte slashed at his feet, forcing him to leap up onto the edge of the bridge. 

Féline Sombre called for their cataclysm. Riposte prepared to strike at him. Féline wouldn’t be able to interfere fast enough. He knew it. 

-

“If you really are Paon Lilas, transform, Adrien,” Hawkmoth muttered under his breath, brows furrowed in concern. Because if he didn’t, what did that mean? His son was in danger and he put him there. Does he have to hope for yet another failure? Is it a failure if his son is safe? He practically growled under his breath, pushing such things out of his mind. “Come on. What are you waiting for?”

-

Adrien closed his eyes. He jumped. Riposte’s sword crashed on brick. Wind whipped around him. He held his breath and splashed into the water below. 

It was cold. His lungs were already protesting. He opened his eyes and spotted a red figure dive in after him. Ladybug’s arm wrapped around him, securing him as she pulled him up and secured her yoyo to land. He hacked on coughs as soon as they breached the water.

Ladybug dropped him on the ground and he groaned.

"You're kinda reckless, aren't you?" Ladybug noted with some sort of half smile on her face.

His lungs hated him. He wheezed with a cough, "I trusted Féline Sombre not to leave me."

Ladybug frowned at him briefly. She glanced towards the bridge as Riposte looked down at the waters below. Féline Sombre gave Ladybug the quickest of a wave, and she ran out of sight, presumably to detransform.

"Come on," Ladybug said. She picked him up (really these superheroes have got to stop doing that, it's making his vision blur) and bounded away.

"What about Féline Sombre?" Adrien exclaimed, closing his eyes and tightening his grip on Ladybug’s shoulders to keep the dizziness from overwhelming him.

"They'll be back, we need you somewhere safe before Riposte figures out you're not in the water." Ladybug landed and gently put him on the ground. He looked around, finding she had brought them to a park. 

He coughed more, shaking from the wind-whipped, damp, cold settling in his bones. Ladybug frowned at him again strangely. 

"How are you doing? ...You seem ill."

He forced a smile, "Just the after effects of my little dive I think. I'll be fine."

Her expression changed strangely yet again and she nodded, “Okay…” she looked around and nodded to herself, “here,” she grabbed Adrien’s hand and tugged him towards a statue, “Hide behind here. I’ll uh, come get you when we deakumatize Riposte.” 

Adrien nodded and watched as Ladybug dashed to the edges of the park, activating the phone in her yoyo. “Duusu,” he whispered, “we should help them-”

“You’re sick,” Duusu said, coming up and pushing against his cheek, “I’m sure Ladybug and Féline Sombre can handle it from here, right?”

Adrien frowned, glancing back towards where Ladybug was talking to Féline Sombre on the phone. “Maybe…” he muttered, “but it’s also the easiest way to get Adrien out of the way while still doing something, right?”

“You’re not in the way,” Duusu whispered.

Adrien grumbled anxiously, watching from behind the statue.

-

“She’s coming your way, bye Bug!” Féline Sombre exclaimed as they ended the call.

“Bye Kitty,” Ladybug searched for the silvery akuma with a frown. “Hm, better safe than sorry- Lucky Charm!” Ladybug called. The charm produced a metal wireframe chair. She tilted her head. “A...chair. Am I supposed to sit around for Riposte to come attack Adrien?”

Riposte dove in, sword aimed, and Ladybug yelped as she tumbled out of the way. 

“Where did you hide him?” Riposte demanded, flourishing her weapon. 

“You think I’d tell you?” Ladybug scoffed, briefly glancing to where Féline Sombre was inching forward. Hidden. Waiting for an opening. “This is just between us. Unless you’re scared to test your mettle against me?”

Riposte huffed, turning her full attention to Ladybug, “Oh? I’ll defeat you swiftly and then I’ll take your miraculous!” Riposte lunged and Ladybug twirled to block with the chair, gasping as she noticed the sword slip between the backrest supports. Riposte was too fast however, and the sword slipped back out before she could do anything about it. 

Féline Sombre vaulted in on her staff and kicked Riposte from behind, into the park fence. They shifted into a fencing stance, staff aimed like a sword, “You wanted some fencing, right?”

“Who told you all these puns?” Ladybug frowned, glancing at her redheaded partner.

“Would you be mad if I said all the puns is because I’m kinda missing Paon Lilas’s jokes?”

Ladybug made a face, “What? No, but-”

“Your face says otherwise!” Féline Sombre exclaimed, chuckling.

“Oh hush!” Riposte exclaimed as she lunged towards Féline. Féline Sombre used her staff to block the sword and shifted to get behind her.

“So Bug, what’s our plan?” Féline asked, extending her staff to hit Riposte again. They twirled out of the way of the counterattack.

“The sword!” Ladybug said, “That’s got to be where the akuma is. But she’s too fast!”

Adrien frowned, “I- I can’t just watch. Duusu-” he was caught off by a cough.

Riposte huffed and leaped out from the middle of Ladybug and Féline Sombre, skidding backwards. She turned her head to the sound of a cough. “Of course,” she sent a slash through the statue.

Ladybug gasped, “Adrien!”

Adrien dropped to the ground, then leaped up over the broken base of the statue. He tightened his grip on the fencing sword, frowning towards Riposte. “You want a fight? Fine. Let’s fight.”

Riposte grinned, “Finally.” She lunged and he doubled back, towards Ladybug and Féline Sombre.

Ladybug looked between the fighters and Féline Sombre and ran forward to meet them, smiling. “Féline, I’m gonna need your ribbon soon.” Adrien continued to retreat and block.

The cat hero tilted their head briefly but pulled the ribbon off. Féline Sombre moved in around Riposte’s other side. 

With the heroes in the right positions, Adrien drew in another attack from Riposte and called, “Ready?!” He twirled, switching positions with Ladybug. Féline Sombre came around with the ribbon and secured the sword into the metal bars of the chair’s backrest. They ran and tugged backwards to keep it secure as Riposte struggled in the snare.

“Prêt, Allez!” Adrien and Ladybug announced as they both used their combined weight to snap the sword trapped in the chair’s back.

Ladybug grabbed the back of the chair as Adrien fell into the seat, keep him from falling with the chair. Adrien blinked, “Huh, handy.”

Ladybug smiled at him as she grabbed his arms and pulled him up to a stand.

He looked up and down at her and barely flickered a smile at her. He turned towards Riposte with a frown.

“Wow, impressive fencing,” Féline said.

He shrugged, “I’ve been in fencing since I was really young.” 

Ladybug caught and purified the butterfly. “Bye bye little butterfly...” She grabbed the Lucky Charm, frowning towards Adrien, “You didn’t have to do that. You put yourself in danger.”

“What happened?” Kagami muttered, looking up in confusion.

Adrien frowned and glanced down at the ground before shaking his head, ignoring Ladybug in favor of the fencer. Ladybug sighed and called for her miracle cure.

He leaned down to the fencer and offered a hand. “You were akumatized,” he said softly, “It’s… a… whole thing. It’s fine now though.”

Ladybug walked over to Féline Sombre. They high-fived and smiled at each other.

“Hey, Adrien,” Ladybug said, “...take care of yourself…” she smiled, and waved as her miraculous beeped, “Bug out!” 

Féline Sombre waved goodbye to Ladybug and turned towards the two civilians, “Do either of you need a lift home?”

“I have a chauffeur,” Kagami said.

“Same,” Adrien chuckled awkwardly.

Féline shrugged, “Alright! In that case, I should probably head out too. See you later!” She vaulted away and Adrien turned back to Kagami.

“So…” Adrien muttered.

“Listen I-” she sighed and glanced at the ground.

“I’m sorry�� both teens said. 

Adrien laughed and offered the saber, “Here’s your saber back… Maybe, uh, we could do a proper rematch?”

She shook her head, pushing it back towards him. “No, I lost. Keep it.”

“Chloé really doesn’t know anything about fencing. I personally think it was your point. Besides… red’s not really my color.”

“She certainly acted like she knew.”

“She can be… enthusiastic, she just… she means well, just goes about things wrong.” Adrien sighed and shrugged, “but I… I think- If you want, we could uh, be friends?”

She looked almost shocked, “You… You want to be my friend?”

“Of course! I- Here, let’s start over-” Adrien huffed a smile and offered his hand, “My name’s Adrien. What’s yours?”

She paused, glancing between his face and his hand. She took the offered hand and shook it. “Kagami.”

“Nice to meet you, Kagami.”

“...Yeah. Nice to meet you too, er, Adrien,” she smirked, “You better get ready for that decisive match.”

He laughed, “Oh, I will.”

-

Fencing swords clashed. One fencer lunged, and the other spun and hit. The buzzer sounded.

“Point!” D’Argencourt called, “Sabrina Raincomprix, welcome to the academy!”

Sabrina pulled up her mask and smiled at Marinette as she disconnected herself from the buzzer cord. Marinette raised her mask up with a sigh. They saluted with their sword and Marinette did the same.

“Good game,” Marinette muttered with a sigh, preparing for whatever mocking she would receive.

“You did awesome! It was a close game, you almost had me there."

Marinette raised a brow. "Uh. Thanks?"

Sabrina sighed, "It's really too bad there's only two spots, I was looking forward to sparring more with you. Next time there's an open spot you should definitely try again."

"I… you really think so? Chloé would've hated seeing me outside class on a weekly basis."

"I- I’m not Chloé’s clone, I... don’t hate you. I’m...sorry if I’ve ever made it seem like that," they sighed, and offered a hand, "Seriously. Good game, Marinette."

She smiled awkwardly and accepted the handshake. "Same to you, Sabrina."

Marinette walked into the equipment room and Tiki zipped out.

"You did great, even if you didn't get in. You can always practice on your own or get Adrien to help again!" Tiki cheered.

Marinette sighed and nodded, "True. ...I think that fencer- Kagami? and Sabrina wanted it more anyway. I wouldn't change a thing… and… Sabrina was weirdly nice."

"Without Chloé around she seems much more open."

"Yeah, I guess. ...Actually- huh. I guess they've never exactly been outright antagonistic… I guess I just… associate her with Chloé that much…" Marinette shook her head, "Weird."

[fandomrewrites]

We Are Grounders Pt. 2

Hello all! Finally the last part of season 1! Constructive criticism is always appreciated. If you want to be added to the taglist let me know. Also let me know if I missed any warnings.

Season 1; Episode 13 Pairings: OC x OC best friends, no love interests yet Warnings: Death, war Word Count: 2,503

Elara and Clarke sat beside each other working on stopping Raven's bleeding. Finn, Bellamy, and Nova stood around them. Raven screams in pain as the two girls work. Finally she stops, "That should stop the external bleeding." Clarke says.

"I don't understand. How did Murphy get a gun?" Finn asks the group.

"Long story." Bellamy quickly answers.

"We got lucky. If Murphy hit the fuel tank instead of me, we'd all be dead." Raven says.

"Wait, there's rocket fuel down there? Enough to build a bomb?" Clarke asks.

"Enough to build 100 bombs. If we had any gunpowder left."

"Let's get back to the reapers. Maybe they'll help us. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, right?" Bellamy asks.

"Not this enemy." Clarke quickly denies. 

Nova opens her mouth to ask another question about them but Finn shakes his head, "We saw them. Trust me, it's not an option." He then looks at Clarke and Elara, "Can she walk or not?"

"Definitely not. We need to carry her." Elara replies.

"The hell you will. I'm good to go." Raven says, trying to shove her way to her feet.

"No." Elara scolds, "The bullet is still inside of you. If you move too much it will cause a bigger issue."

"Elara's right. If by some miracle, there's no internal bleeding, it might hold until we get somewhere safe. So no walking, is that clear?" Clarke says.

"I'll get the stretcher." Finn says as he begins to walk away.

"Can't run away fast enough, huh? Real brave." Bellamy antagonizes.

"Dying in a fight you can't win isn't brave, Bellamy. It's stupid."

"Spoken like every coward who's ever run from a fight."

"All right, that's enough. It's time to go." Clarke says, stopping the arguing.

"If they follow? It's a 120 mile walk to the ocean."

"Look, we're wasting time. If he wants to stay, he can stay." Finn says.

"No he can't! We can't do this without you, Bell. So complain all you want but there's no way you're staying behind." Elara says, fire in her eyes as she looks up at the older boy.

"What do you guys want me to say?" Bellamy asks.

"I want you to say that you're with us. Those kids out there, they listen to you." Clarke answers.

"They're lining up to go. They listen to you and Nova more."

"It was two against one, plus we gave them an easy choice." Nova replies.

Clarke continues, "5 minutes ago, they were willing to fight and die for you. You inspire them. I'm afraid we're gonna need that again before this day is through."

The group quickly starts through the front gates, "Okay, here we go! Keep your eyes open!" Atlas calls out, gun in hand.

Clarke, Nova, and Bellamy stand behind the rest of the group. They turn to look at the camp one last time, "You did good here, Bellamy." Clarke says.

"18 dead." Bellamy states.

"82 alive. You did good."

"We all did." Nova adds. "We couldn't have done it without each other and we'll do it again at the next place."

The group talks as they walk with each other, keeping their eyes out for any signs of danger. 

Nova and Elara stay towards the end of the group, not bothering to talk with each other but rather taking comfort in the other's presence. "What is it?" Jasper calls out.

"Why are we stopping?" Raven asks from her stretcher.

"I don't know. I don't see anything." Finn replies.

Then, out of seemingly nowhere, a spear flies into Drew's chest, killing him instantly. "Move, move, move!" Bellamy calls out, ushering the group back into the camp.

"Shut the gates! Shut the gates!" Finn calls to the last people to enter.

The delinquents move into place to try and find the Grounders. "Where are they? Why aren't they attacking?" Bellamy questions.

"Because we're doing exactly what they wanted us to do." Clarke answers.

"What do you mean?" Nova asks.

"Lincoln said the scouts would be the first to arrive."

Octavia quickly replies, "If it's just scouts, we can fight our way out. That's what Lincoln would do."

"We're done doing what that Grounder would do." Bellamy snaps, "We tried it and now Drew is dead, you want to be next?"

"That Grounder saved our lives." Finn says, "I agree with Octavia. For all we know, there's one scout out there."

"One scout with insanely good aim." Jasper replies.

"I doubt it would just be one. The Grounders are smart, we can't underestimate them." Nova pauses, "If I can just find them, I could probably take them out from here."

"We can still do this." Octavia says.

"Looking to you, Princess. What's it gonna be? Run and get picked off out in the open, or stand and fight back?" Bellamy asks.

"Clarke, if we're still here when Tristan gets here..." Finn trails off.

"Lincoln said scouts. More than one. He said, 'get home before the scouts arrive.' Finn, they're already here." Clarke then turns to Bellamy, "Looks like you've got your fight."

"Ok then." Bellamy nods then turns to address the rest of the group, "This is what we've been preparing for. Kill them before they kill us. Gunners, to your posts. Use the tunnels to get in and out. From now on, the gate stays closed." 

The delinquents start to move. Octavia tries to run by, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're not a gunner." Bellamy tries to stop his sister.

"No. I'm not. Like you said... I'm a Grounder." She replies.

Bellamy nods, allowing her to continue. Nova runs after her with both her bow and a gun. Clarke turns to Bellamy, "So, how the hell do we do this?"

"We've got 25 rifles with 20 rounds each, give or take. Roughly 500 rounds of ammo. While you two were gone, we made some improvements. Thanks to Raven, the gully is mined." Bellamy answers.

"Partially mined." Raven corrects. "Thanks to Murphy."

"Still, it's the main route in. If the Grounders use it, we'll know. She also built grenades." Bellamy says, showing the grenade stash.

"It's not many." Clarke says.

"Again, thank you, Murphy." Raven replies.

"We'll make them count. If the Grounders make it through the front gate, guns and grenades should force them back." Bellamy states.

"And then?" Clarke questions.

"Then we close the door and pray." Raven bluntly says.

"And pray what? That the ship keeps them out? Because it won't." Clarke states.

"Then let's not let them get through the gate." Bellamy then gets on a radio, "All foxholes, listen up. Keep your eyes and ears open. Inflict casualties, as many as possible. You can hold them off long enough to make them turn back. That's the plan."

Finn rolls his eyes, "That's always your plan, just like the bomb at the bridge."

"Damn right. You got a better idea?"

"Don't argue right now, we need to work together." Elara says.

"It can't be that simple. You said there's fuel in those rockets, right? Enough to build 100 bombs?" Clarke asks Raven.

"I also said we've got no gunpowder left." Raven answers.

"I don't want to build a bomb. I want to blast off."

"Draw them in close. Fire the rockets. A ring of fire."

"Barbecued Grounders. I like it." Bellamy says.

"Will it work?" Finn questions.

"You give me enough time, I'll cook them real good." Raven replies with a smile.

 *_*_*_*_*_*

 Bellamy looks towards Elara, "You're sticking with me. If anything happens to you, I'm not going to be worried about the Grounders. Nova will have my head."

Elara laughs, "Yeah, you're not wrong. Honestly, I think I'd rather take on a Grounder than an angry Nova."

"Honestly, me too. She's terrifying." Bellamy answers. "But you better not tell her I said that."

"Hmm, no promises." Elara smirks.

The two make their way towards Miller. "Where's Octavia?" Bellamy questions, wondering where his sister went.

"And Nova?" Elara asks, not noticing her either.

"They both left 5 minutes ago. Didn't say where to. They think they're damn samurai." Miller answers, eyes still trained outside.

"You see anything?" Bellamy asks.

"No. What the hell are they waiting for?" Monroe questions, wanting to get this fight over with.

"The longer they wait, the better. This is about buying time for Raven."

Before anyone can answer, Sterling is heard over the radio, "I see them. They're moving! I count 2, 3, no wait, there's more. I don't know, man. There's too many of them." 

Then there was gunfire. "Was that Sterling? South foxhole. South foxhole, report now." Bellamy calls over the radio.

"Yeah, yeah. We're ok. They didn't attack. It's like... It's like shooting at ghosts." Sterling says.

More gunfire is heard as more Grounders are spotted. Bellamy is heard over the radio, "Stop! Stop. Hold your fire! Reload. Now." He then says to the group with him, "Those were our last clips."

"We should fall back." Monroe says, scared of what's to come.

"No. If this position falls, they'll walk right to the front door." Bellamy replies.

Then Jasper is heard over the radio, "They're everywhere! Harper, get down! We need backup! Raven, our mines actually worked!"

Clarke replies, "Jasper, we need you in the dropship right now."

"Negative." Bellamy states, "We can't give up the west woods."

"The west woods are mined, Bellamy." Clarke says, "The Grounders just figured that out. Jasper, get in here."

"I see one! There!" Harper yells out.

"Wait! Stop!" Nova calls through the radio. "They're drawing our fire. They want us to run out of Ammo. All gunners, listen up. The Grounders are not attacking. They're making us waste bullets. Don't shoot when they're running laterally."

"Nova's right." Bellamy replies, "Don't fire until you're sure it's an attack. Repeat, do not fire until you are sure."

Not too long after Bellamy's comment, the Grounders began to attack. Nova took aim and stayed down in the foxhole, taking out Grounder's one by one until she was out of ammo.

Elara on the other hand stayed behind Bellamy not using her bow and arrow until he ran out of Ammo. "I'm out." Bellamy states. 

Elara immediately began aiming her bow at Grounders. Running by and pulling the bow back out when she took a kill shot. Nova, too, has deposited her gun and moved on to her bow. 

One after another bodies fell to the ground, both enemy and friend. Elara slowly took the chance to retreat knowing she'd be better off treating the  wounded who made their way away from the fighting.

Nova moved towards hand to hand combat, picking up discarded Grounder weapons. Blood of the enemies was now coating her clothes. As she fights one Grounder, using their body as a human shield when she notices an arrow flying towards her, she hears Miller call out, "There are too many! Everybody to dropship now!"

Then Clarke yells back, "No! We need more time. Gunners, stay at your post. The rest of you, inside. Come on, move."

Elara stays at the dropship door, watching as delinquents climb inside. As she goes to grab her bow one more time, a loud explosion is heard causing everyone to look into the sky. "Is that from the Ark?" Fox asks.

"That is the Ark." Clarke answers.

Anya, the Grounder the girls met with, says to the man beside her, "Reinforcements."

The man replies, "When they get here, they won't find anyone alive. Take down the gate!" But before the Grounders can move to bring the gate down, yelling is heard from behind them. "Reapers!"

Finn brought the Reapers to the battle to buy the delinquents some time. As the Grounders and Reapers fight, the delinquents catch their breath and get ready for a second round.

Most of the group are inside the dropship, only the gunner's are outside. Elara now has her bow in hand, ready to use the last 10 arrows from her spot on the dropship ramp. 

Once the Grounders beat the Reapers, the lead Grounder calls to the others, "Now to the wall!"

"Clarke, they're taking down the gate." Miller says.

"Good. Because I did it. I think" Jasper says, slightly unsure of himself.

"I'm closing that door." Miller replies.

"Wait! They're are still people out there. Bellamy, Nova, and Atlas are all out there." Elara says, making him stop.

Elara takes the last few shots with her arrows. Right after she runs out she turns her head to see Atlas get stabbed through the stomach, "ATLAS!" She yells out. Instinctively, she goes to run and help him, but Miller holds her back.

"It's too late for him, Elara." Miller says.

"No! No, I can help. Let me help." Elara replies, tears streaming down her face. 

"You can't! I'm sorry." Miller tells her, keeping an arm around her to stop her from leaving the dropship.

Elara's eyes quickly scan the area around her trying to find Nova. She needed to make sure her best friend was alright. She makes eye contact with her just as a Grounder cuts Nova' stomach. 

Nova retaliates, quickly slashing the Grounder throat. She knows she's too late though and she won't be able to make it to the dropship in time. So instead she backs away, working her way to the south foxhole.

Miller drags Elara inside the dropship, cutting off her view from everyone else. Nova is still outside fighting, not sure if everyone else has made it in but knowing that Elara is at least safe. 

A Grounder sneaks up to her, not turning in enough time, the Grounder takes her down. Nova hears a snap and lets out an ear piercing scream. She may not be medically trained but she knows her ankle is broken. The two roll around a bit before Nova gets the upper hand, taking the Grounders own weapon and turning it against him. 

Inside the dropship, the doors begin to shut. Anya jumps in at the last moment. The group looks at her as she eyes them. "Jasper, now." Clarke calls. Then addressing Anya, "Anya, you can't win."

The delinquents begin to attack Anya, beating her when she's already down. "No. Stop! She's already down. We are not Grounders." Clarke calls out.

Finally the ship launches. Nova is far enough away to not get scorched but close enough to feel the heat from the flames. She's disoriented from the pain in her ankle and the blood she's losing from her stomach wound. Her vision begins to become black as she passes out.

Once the dropship doors open, the delinquents and Anya slowly exit. The group looks around at the charred remains, not being able to identify those who were once friends or enemies. 

Out of nowhere, a red smoke starts filling up the area, "What the hell?" Jasper asks.

"Mountain men." Anya speaks through gritted teeth. The group starts coughing as the smoke enters their lungs. One by one they fall to the Grounder.

[commentaryvorg]

Digimon Savers Commentary Episode 5 - Break into the Digital World! Drimogemon’s Trap!

In this episode, both Tohma and Masaru separately enter the Digital World to resolve unfinished business with the Digimon they failed to stop last episode. While there, they meet up in a perilous situation and end up bonding, learning to respect each other and work together at last.

Since this episode follows on directly from the events of the last one, we start with a recap of last episode. This is a rare thing for now as most of these early episodes are self-contained events, but it’ll soon become very regular once we get into the series’ overarching plot.

There’s nothing particularly interesting about the recaps; the narration is done by a non-character narrator, and they sometimes tend to show far more clips than necessary to remind people of the relevant things that happened. I often just skip them, though since for the purposes of this commentary I’ll be obligated to watch every single part of an episode to comment on the full experience, I will probably end up moaning about how unnecessarily long they eventually shift into being.

Narrator:  “To fulfil his duty, Tohma went to the Digital World to chase down Drimogemon.”

It’s interesting that the narration frames it this way, since disobeying very strict orders isn’t exactly what one would usually consider fulfilling a duty to the organisation that gave him those orders. And yet, this also is to do with Tohma’s very strong sense of duty and need to complete every job perfectly.

Anyway, as we get back into events happening in the present, please appreciate this Very Done Yoshino Face as she realises that Tohma’s gone and endangered himself by going to the Digital World alone and she’s going to get in trouble for it.

As it happens, Masaru and Agumon have got the exact same idea into their heads of disobeying orders and sneaking into the Digital World to finish things with Drimogemon. While Tohma was legitimately very good at the stealth aspect of this plan, Masaru and Agumon’s idea of stealth is, uh… not so great.

Masaru:  “Successful infiltration!”

Agumon:  “We’re so smooth, Aniki!”

Yep. The smoothest.

Yoshino:  “What are you doing.”

Naturally, Yoshino has very much noticed them. The subs put a question mark here, but I’m using my judgement to not include it, because her voice is so deadpan and I love her.

Masaru:  “Tohma did a Digital Dive? Damn it, he got away before us!”

Yoshino:  “Before?”

Agumon:  “Nothing, he’s just talking to himself.”

Yoshino does seem to be genuinely rather wrapped up in trying to deal with the Tohma situation and bring him back, because she doesn’t appear to pick up on the obvious implication of Masaru’s slip-up here (and the obvious only reason they’d be sneaking in in the middle of the night like this in the first place).

Yoshino:  “Doing a Dive when the equipment hasn’t even been tested on humans…”

Huh, interesting. I guess this particular version of the Digital Gate equipment that DATS has is newer, then, which tracks.

Yoshino manages to detect the signal from Tohma’s Digivice, but before she can use that to bring him back, the signal is lost.

Masaru:  “Really. Well isn’t that a pity.”

Masaru sounds so incredibly (not) concerned here. Though I’m sure this isn’t him genuinely not even caring if Tohma dies; he just assumes Tohma can handle himself and doesn’t see this as his problem at all.

Yoshino:  “Listen to me! It’s dangerous!”

Masaru:  “That doesn’t matter! I’m just going there to settle my fight!”

Yoshino:  “Who cares about your fight? You’re just going to make things worse!”

I mean, it seems like Tohma cares about this fight just as much as Masaru does, actually, if in a somewhat different way. We have two stubborn idiots refusing to let this go here, not just one.

Masaru wanders into the Dive chamber, and, naturally, doesn’t have a clue how to start it up. Yoshino seems quite willing to leave and not help him with this, until he and Agumon start the appropriately Masaru approach of hitting the machine to try and get it to work. (We saw how successful that approach was last episode.)

Masaru:  “You think I’ll just sit back while that guy gets all the action?”

Obviously, Masaru is not exactly thinking this through here; he just wants to somehow get to finish his fight before Tohma can do it for him, damn it!

Since Masaru and Agumon are clearly not about to be sensible and stop trying to break the equipment, Yoshino has no choice but to give in.

Lalamon:  “Yoshino, are you sure about this?”

Yoshino:  “Letting him have his way is better than a broken machine and Tohma stuck over there…”

It really is only because Tohma went first that Masaru is able to get his way here. A broken machine that can be fixed later would be better than Masaru throwing himself into the unknown, but a broken machine while Tohma is stuck over there is not okay at all.

Yoshino:  “Listen! I’m sending you the co-ordinates where we lost Tohma. Make sure to bring him back, okay?”

Masaru:  “Whatever, just do it!”

Yoshino is making the best of this she can and at least using Masaru as a way to try and ensure Tohma is safe. Masaru acts like he doesn’t care – but note he also isn’t explicitly saying he definitely won’t try to help Tohma and will leave him to fend for himself no matter what.

Yoshino:  “I can’t help you when you get to the other side.”

Masaru:  “Like I even need it.”

Yoshino:  “Oh, really.”

Obviously. Masaru is a tough independent fighter who can definitely throw himself into a completely different world without a clue what he’s doing and manage just fine. Being a liiittle cocky there, Masaru. (Exactly as much as Tohma was when he sent himself over knowing he’d have no backup.) And I love how Yoshino isn’t buying it for a second.

Yoshino:  “Return to where you first entered by 0500. That’s where I’ll bring you both back.”

Apparently they need to be in a specific location in order for the Dive equipment to work in reverse (since there isn’t a big handy machine with a chamber in it on the Digital World side). Yoshino was briefly attempting to pull Tohma back earlier before she lost his signal, so I guess that was when he was still within the range of the reverse-transport?

Masaru:  “Bah, it’s like having a curfew.”

Haha. Something Masaru is probably quite used to, since he is only fourteen and his mother must worry about what he gets up to a lot. He did mention having to sneak out of the house to come to DATS last episode, which I surmised was not because DATS was a secret to Sayuri but rather just because it was late.

Masaru looks at his Digivice, which has a clock feature telling us it’s 0:33 right now. Yoshino apparently expects him to navigate a completely unfamiliar world, find Tohma (and also defeat the Drimogemon because she knows he’s going to want to do that even if she’d rather he didn’t bother), and get back to where he arrived, within four and a half hours. That seems a little bit tight – why couldn’t she just let him have as long as he needs and just wait to pull him and Tohma back whenever they appear back in range?

The reason, I imagine, is that she’s really hoping she can get this all wrapped up before the morning shift at DATS starts and Satsuma finds out what’s been going on here. I don’t blame her.

Agumon:  “Aniki, I’m kinda nervous…”

Masaru:  “Don’t get scared now, idiot.”

I like how Masaru is admonishing Agumon for getting scared not as if he’s being a coward or anything like that, but just as if he’s being an idiot. Obviously if they let themselves get scared and hesitate, that might get in the way of them winning their fight! It’s like Masaru is thinking of “getting scared” less in terms of the initial emotion that you can’t help feeling, but in terms of whether you choose to let it control you, or you just push it aside and press on anyway. Anyone who wouldn’t want to do the latter is an idiot, right?

Agumon:  “You sure this is okay?”

Masaru:  “You think I know?”

As the countdown to transfer gets close to zero and the energy starts swirling around them, I love the tiny little hint that Masaru is actually just as nervous about this as Agumon is – he has no idea if this is gonna be okay or not either! – and is just very stubbornly refusing to show it.

As we briefly see here, moving from one world to another involves travelling through a trippy computery in-between void. Future trips to and from the Digital World in the series will (usually, with one notable exception) skip over this part, but we can assume that it’s a thing that happens every time.

The opening also contains a shot of the characters going through this void between worlds. Yoshino doesn’t head to the Digital World herself in this episode, of course, but she will in time.

Masaru:  “This is the Digital World? Cool… The sky and the ground are upside-down!”

I like how Masaru is totally willing to buy that the Digital World really is this weird.

Agumon:  “Aniki… You’re the one who’s upside-down.”

Masaru:  “I knew that.”

…Rather than the much more likely option that he’s just a huge ridiculous dork.

(The subs say “I knew that” like Masaru’s trying to save face, but the word he says in Japanese could also translate as “Oh, I see,” as if he isn’t even trying to hide how he genuinely thought the Digital World was upside-down for a second. That doofus.)

Agumon:  “It’s my first time seeing it, too.”

Masaru:  “But you’re a Digimon, aren’t you?”

Agumon:  “Yeah, but I’ve been in DATS all my life.”

Yep, just like he said in the first episode about not remembering anything but being in DATS. Seems like, unlike the rampaging Digimon they deal with, Agumon came to the human world while he was not exactly “alive”, as such.

They wander through the Digital World for a while, marvelling at some of its weirdness. Circuit board patterns in the sky! Pixelated rivers! All sorts of Digimon walking and bouncing and flying around!

Masaru:  “We’re looking for that mole thing. If we keep walking, we should come across a clue or something.”

Man, Masaru, you sure thought this through and planned things out real good.

Agumon:  “What about Tohma?”

[cut to the DATS control room]

Yoshino:  “‘Leave him, he’ll figure something out on his own.’ …If he said that, what’ll we do?”

Lalamon:  “You’re overthinking it.”

[cut back to the Digital World]

Masaru:  “Leave him, he’ll figure something out on his own.”

Oh dear. Yoshino has already got Masaru pretty figured out and knew full well he wasn’t likely to take looking for Tohma that seriously. Though, to be fair, it is pretty reasonable to assume that Tohma can figure something out on his own. Masaru wouldn’t admit this just yet, but this is him having faith in Tohma’s capabilities! If Masaru had reason to believe that Tohma was definitely in life-threatening danger he couldn’t get out of by himself, I’m sure he wouldn’t be so nonchalant about this.

As Masaru and Agumon explore more Digital World weirdness – more stuff in the sky! Digital plants! A crystalline colosseum-looking thing that’s actually a Chekhov’s Gun for this episode! – a particular piece of BGM is playing that evokes a sense of grand exploration and discovery, as you’d expect for this moment. This piece happens to be called Savers’ “Main Theme”, which was a little surprising to me when I saw its name on the soundtrack. You’d expect this series’ main theme to be something more actiony, in fitting with all the focus on fighting and the way Masaru is. But maybe a more discovery-like piece is actually quite appropriate for what the overall themes of this story are.

Agumon:  “But it feels kinda nostalgic.”

An interesting comment from Agumon here. Though he doesn’t consciously remember anything about the Digital World because he was born in DATS, it seems like he has a subconscious sense of familiarity with it. As we’ve seen every time DATS defeats a Digimon, they don’t die and are simply turned into eggs and “reborn” – so maybe this is a sign of Agumon’s previous life, in which he did live in the Digital World, still vaguely there with him even though the conscious memories of it are lost.

As fun as showing off Digital World weirdness is, we soon get to the point as Drimogemon happens to pop out of a cliff face nearby. Which, yes, is kind of arbitrarily convenient. But I will take this any day over them wandering aimlessly having unnecessary filler adventures for episodes on end before getting to the actual point that the story is here for.

It also may make some reasonable amount of sense, actually. Masaru was sent to where Tohma was last seen, and it’s likely that Tohma deliberately sent himself somewhere near where he could detect Drimogemon. Tohma sending himself over here with absolutely no idea where to find a single Digimon among an entire world would have been incredibly stupid, after all, and I don’t think he could have justified that to himself even with his determination to fix his mistake. Given that, it’s not so unreasonable that Masaru would have run into Drimogemon at some point, since it was going to be somewhere near to where he arrived.

Also, while the other Digimon they’ve seen were just kind of wandering around naturally, the Drimogemon straight up crashed out of a cliffside. It’s still rampaging, exactly as they were worried about last episode, and therefore it’s even more likely that Masaru would have noticed it sooner or later with all the commotion it’s making.

Drimogemon tunnels into the ground, so naturally Masaru heads straight after it – and back at DATS, Yoshino loses his Digivice signal just like she lost Tohma’s. So apparently these signals can be picked up through the boundary between worlds, but not if someone is in another world and also underground. Uhhh, okay then.

This also means that presumably the reason she lost Tohma’s signal is because he went underground while trying to track Drimogemon, not because he was necessarily in any severe danger.

Lalamon:  “This may be the worst…”

I’m amused by Lalamon borrowing Yoshino’s catchphrase, but hedging her bets on it a little bit. Maybe it’s not actually the worst! Maybe.

Satsuma:  “What are you doing?”

Yoshino:  “Searching for an idiot! Geez, why me?”

Yoshino is so focused on frustratedly searching for Masaru’s signal that she doesn’t even register that Satsuma and Kudamon have shown up at first, which is probably the exact thing she was really hoping wasn’t going to happen until Masaru and Tohma were back. Nope, turns out this definitely is the worst.

Back in the Digital World, Masaru’s tried-and-true strategy of tracking Drimogemon down by simply following it through its own tunnel has led them into a huge underground cavern.

Masaru:  “Doesn’t matter where this is! Let’s go, Agumon!”

As before, Masaru doesn’t care about the location so long as he gets to fight! Or, perhaps, he’s trying to tell himself the location doesn’t matter, because on some level he’s realising that Drimogemon is very much in its element and has the advantage here. Which it does, as Masaru and Agumon quickly learn they’re not very good at Whack-a-giant-Digimole.

Bear in mind that Drimogemon is not saying a word, just like it hasn’t since it grew bigger last episode. It’s still in that mindless rampaging state, and so it seems to have no issue with straight-up collapsing the ground underneath Masaru and Agumon. That would be going a bit far if this were a Digimon that was still properly in control of itself.

Agumon:  “Aniki!”

Masaru:  “Idiot, don’t get scared over something like this!”

Masaru is still trying to set an example for his follower and insist that there’s no point in getting scared, even though being in an underground cave-in is in fact a pretty legitimate reason to be scared right now.

They both fall into a pretty deep-looking chasm but manage to somehow land reasonably unhurt, because shounen anime. Agumon’s awkward legs-in-the-air pose he landed in is pretty cute.

It turns out that Tohma and Gaomon are down here too. Seems like Drimogemon took the same approach when it was faced with them.

Masaru:  “What’s this? Does that mean the same thing happened to you?” [he and Agumon burst out laughing] “I see, you’re just like us!”

I really like Masaru’s reaction here. He’s not trying to be mean-spirited; if you listen to the tone of his laughter, there’s nothing malicious or mocking about it. It’s just such a huge relief for him to finally be seeing proof that Tohma’s human. He can fail sometimes and mess up in ways as equally ridiculous and undignified as Masaru. He’s not actually some kind of infuriatingly perfect walking supercomputer who can never do wrong like Masaru’s kind of been resentfully seeing him as. He’s just a person.

The relief of that realisation comes out as laughter not because Masaru’s really trying to mock Tohma for failing, but just because of the elation of finally being able to see Tohma as an equal. “You’re just like us”, indeed.

Tohma’s response is also great. He’s not getting frustrated and snapping back at Masaru like he often would in the previous episode, because he must be able to tell that Masaru isn’t actually trying to insult him here. He’s just embarrassed to be unable to deny the fact that he really is more of a fallible human person than he would have ideally liked Masaru to see him as.

Gaomon, meanwhile, the good dog that he is, has been carefully excavating rocks and found a potential way out. As Tohma heads towards it, he stumbles, because his leg was injured from the fall.

Masaru:  “Hey, you’re hurt!”

Tohma:  [grimacing] “This barely counts as an injury.”

Tohma clearly doesn’t want to give Masaru even more reason to think he’s human and fallible and might need help or something. But Masaru doesn’t care about Tohma’s stubbornness and immediately moves to put himself under Tohma’s arm to support him.

Masaru:  “Here.”

Tohma:  “Stop that. I don’t need you to help—”

Masaru:  “When you’re a man… When you’re a man, there are some things you just have to *do* despite yourself.”

I love Masaru so much. This is the first time we’re getting to see that his manliness thing is about a whole lot more than just fighting. It’s about honour, and integrity, and simply being a good person. The “despite yourself” is because he still doesn’t really like Tohma just yet and there’s a part of him that stubbornly wants to continue to be irritable and contrary towards him for the hell of it – but since Tohma’s injured and needs help, Masaru’s principles about doing the right thing in this kind of situation are more important to him than anything, so he can put that petty stubbornness aside. And these principles of Masaru’s come from exactly the same place as the reason he always gives it his all in fights!

(All those parts earlier in the episode where I confidently asserted that there’s no way Masaru actually wouldn’t have cared if Tohma had got himself killed, and that if he’d believed Tohma was in genuine danger then he wouldn’t have just left him to his own devices? Yeah, this is why. Masaru is Good.)

Masaru’s manly speech was mostly about himself, but it also works as advice to Tohma in this situation. He could continue to try and be stubborn and prideful and insist he doesn’t need help from anyone, but when there’s someone right here offering to help him – someone who was until recently at his throat, no less – what kind of a dick move would it be to reject that offer? Accepting Masaru’s help is the right thing for Tohma to do as well, despite his own pride. And he does.

Agumon:  “You’re making me cry, Aniki!”

Agumon also approves of his aniki’s manly principles, like a good follower should. Aniki is teaching him so much.

Masaru:  “Let’s get outta here first. Then we can think about other things.”

Implicit in Masaru’s statement here is “then we can get back to arguing with each other if we want” – but I like how he isn’t even mentioning that here, because right now it isn’t about that. Their lives are in danger, they need to help each other and work together to get out, and so nothing else matters for the time being.

This turns into a brief cute montage of the four of them helping each other make their way through the tunnels, which turn out to be quite the underground labyrinth. A lot of time implicitly passes here, and while I doubt Masaru and Tohma are saying very much to each other, this is no doubt making them bond a bit. They’re finally spending some time seeing each other as a person and an equal, rather than as some kind of infuriating representation of everything opposite to their own approach that brings out all their insecurities.

Meanwhile at DATS, Yoshino is indeed getting fiercely chewed out by Satsuma.

Yoshino:  “But that was all I could do…”

It really was, or Masaru would have broken the equipment and left Tohma stranded there! She did the absolute best thing she could under the circumstances! Alas, Yoshino doesn’t seem to quite have it in her to stand up for herself and more clearly express this.

Kudamon:  “Instead of berating them, we should find out where they are quickly!”

At least Kudamon has the right idea. And I imagine Satsuma understands this, too – he’s probably only so furious at Yoshino because he’s worried about Tohma and Masaru. He likely would have chewed them out if he could, since this is absolutely far more their fault than Yoshino’s. But they aren’t available for him to yell at, so poor Yoshino got the brunt of it instead.

Masaru:  “Hey, why didn’t you evolve Gaomon and break out?”

Back in the Digital World, Masaru asking this suggests he’s been thinking himself about, naturally, the most straightforward way to get out of here – he’d just evolve Agumon to GeoGreymon and smash their way out, if only he could!

But it says a lot that Masaru is then also applying his mindset to Tohma and assuming that he’s probably thought of the same thing, hence asking why he hasn’t done so, since Tohma can evolve his partner more easily. Masaru’s starting to empathise with Tohma and see him as a person!

(I guess technically Masaru might be able to get his Digisoul by turning around and punching Gaomon in the face? But it’s entirely possible that it wouldn’t work against a Digimon that’s not actively trying to fight him. Or, even if it did, that’d be a dick move to suddenly punch someone who’s not ready to fight and defend themselves, so I doubt Masaru would want to do that.)

Tohma demonstrates why he didn’t just evolve Gaomon by asking Gaomon to punch the wall, showing how dangerously unstable these tunnels are. Which is, uh, something he really could have just explained with words rather than taking a risk like that. But then again, Masaru is definitely someone who learns things better through actions rather than words, so maybe this is Tohma beginning to appreciate that!

They reach another fork in the tunnel and disagree on which path they should take. Tohma explains that the path he’s choosing isn’t random; he’s been dropping coins on the ground as they’ve been moving, and the path Masaru picked has a coin in it, indicating that they’ve been that way before.

(This is a 100 yen coin, by the way, which is roughly equal to one US dollar, and Tohma’s apparently been dropping loads of them. Could he not have used, I dunno, just 1 yen coins? Someone has more money than he knows what to do with.)

Masaru:  “Hey, you’re pretty smart!”

I like how Masaru remarks on this like it’s the first time he’s noticing this, as if he wasn’t already infuriatingly aware that Tohma’s a straight-up genius. This is Tohma displaying his smarts in a low-key, down-to-earth way that a regular person like Masaru can understand and appreciate is a useful way to go about things, rather than a way that makes him just come across as incomprehensibly, unreachably perfect.

Tohma:  “As I said, I’m not like you.”

Tohma’s still taking a little longer to warm up to Masaru and acknowledge that they might actually be similar to each other in a lot of ways, since he insists on stressing this point. Come on, Tohma! Masaru’s already started to admit that maybe you’re more like him than he would have liked you to be a day ago; you should start closing that gap, too!

Masaru makes a face in response to this comment. Apparently he’s agreeing with my sentiment about Tohma being a little too unnecessarily uptight here.

Agumon:  “Aniki… When are we gonna get outta here?!”

Masaru:  “Don’t worry! Keep up your spirits and we’ll use it to work this out somehow!”

Tohma:  “Spirit has nothing to do with it, but we *are* heading up.”

I love the contrast between Masaru’s baseless emotion-driven optimism, and Tohma preferring to base his optimism in actual facts. Both are good ways to be optimistic!

Masaru:  “You’re really unbearable.”

Tohma:  “You too.”

They say this, but they both sound a lot less vitriolic about it than they did in the previous episodes. They still have huge differences in their approach to things that inherently frustrate each other, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be beginning to respect each other anyway!

Masaru and Tohma reach an opening into a wider cavern, but they’re too high up for it to be safe to drop down into it. They’re about to turn back when Drimogemon shows up in the lower cavern.

Masaru:  “He’s out of luck to meet us here! Let’s go, Agumon!”

Yes, out of luck, this is definitely the least advantageous possible position that Drimogemon could be meeting them in. Masaru is still being Masaru and paying no heed to the environment; he sees Drimogemon as being out of luck to meet him at all, because hey, this means they don’t have to go searching for it later!

Tohma points out the incredible disadvantage they’re at, including reminding Masaru that it’s not safe for their partners to evolve in here, and insists they should keep heading for the surface and leave it be for now. But Masaru is having none of it.

Masaru:  “Not gonna!”

I absolutely adore his ridiculous grumpy walk towards Tohma. It’s so perfect for getting across his stubborn attitude here. No. Masaru is gonna fight the thing and no amount of logic or safety is gonna stop him.

Masaru:  “I’m not gonna run or hide! A man takes his fights head-on!”

Also, running away at a time like this isn’t what a man does, according to him, and it’s already become pretty clear just how important sticking to that principle is to Masaru.

So he pulls Tohma with him to the edge of the tunnel and straight-up leaps down onto Drimogemon’s back, with Agumon and Gaomon frantically jumping after them.

(Tohma grimaces in pain as he lands on its back. Yeah, considering his leg injury, ouch.)

Masaru:  “Yo.”

Masaru climbs forward onto Drimogemon’s head and has this delightfully audacious moment.

Then, realising they’re there, Drimogemon goes mad trying to shake them off. When they keep clinging on, it rushes towards the nearest wall trying to tunnel away. Masaru tugs on its fur like reins to redirect it to tunnel where he wants it to – in a more upwards direction, since they soon emerge out on the surface.

(It’s a little questionable how Masaru and co. aren’t just utterly crushed between Drimogemon’s back and the earth as it digs its tunnel, but then again it’s questionable how Drimogemon’s drill even manages to drill out a tunnel big enough for its entire body through what seems like not earth but solid rock in the first place. Shush, it’s anime physics; it’s fine.)

Tohma:  (He… Did he plan all of this from the start? But wait…)

And here’s Tohma applying his mindset to Masaru, imagining that Masaru might have planned this! He’s, uh… not precisely correct on that one, but it says a lot that he’s even considering it at all.

Rather than jump off its back and fight it here, Masaru keeps pulling on Drimogemon’s fur to direct its panicked running.

Masaru:  “Yahoo! This is just like a rodeo!”

(And he’s having a whale of a time while doing it, too, the huge dork.)

Tohma:  “Where are you taking us?”

Masaru:  “You’re the one who said to think of a good battleground!”

Look at Masaru actually thinking about this and applying a decent amount of strategy! He’s really not that bad at doing so when someone prompts him to actually consider it; he’s just usually so raring to jump straight in that it doesn’t occur to him to do so.

The “good battleground” in question is the crystalline colosseum Masaru noticed earlier – just the kind of place where Drimogemon won’t be able to dig. Inside the crystal arena, Masaru gives it a nice big punch before leaping off its back, and its evolution time.

…Except, it turns out, it’s also about to be evolution time for Drimogemon. For some reason. It starts twitching and shaking like it’s having some kind of adverse reaction to something, but I cannot come up with any possible reason why it would be doing so. The robbers who may or may not have been (read: they definitely were) responsible for it growing bigger and rampaging in the first place back in the human world are long gone and out of the picture. This does not make any sense to me. Maybe this is just something that happens if a Digimon that’s grown bigger but not evolved is left to rampage unchecked for long enough? I don’t think we see any other instances in the series that would contradict this, but this is definitely me reaching here.

Meanwhile at DATS, Miki and Megumi have also been called in to help search for the two reckless idiots, and they finally manage to relocate their signals – probably because they’re above ground again now. But they also detect Drimogemon evolving, which, for some reason, activates DATS’s alarm. You know, the one that’s supposed to be for Digimon appearing in the human world, because it’s hardly like a Digimon evolving back in the Digital World is usually anything they need to worry about.

Drimogemon finishes evolving, and it’s now… a Digmon. (Dig, without the second “I”; yes, this is very easy to awkwardly misread as just Digimon, I know.) And, uh, Digimon evolution level facts: this shouldn’t be a stronger Digimon.

If Drimogemon, an Adult-level like Gaogamon and GeoGreymon, had evolved upwards like you’d expect into the next proper evolution level, it’d have reached Perfect level. And, as I’ve mentioned with regards to evolution levels, they are each ridiculously exponentially stronger than the last, to the point that even GeoGreymon and Gaogamon working together would not have stood a chance against even a single Perfect-level.

So, well, obviously that couldn’t actually happen here, because Masaru and Tohma need to win this fight. Instead, Drimogemon just evolved sideways into a bonus gimmicky evolution level called Armour level, which, from its appearances in other series, seems to be roughly just as strong as Adult. This is not actually any significantly more of a threat at all.

Tohma:  “It’s Digmon. He’s far more powerful and has a higher mobility than Drimogemon.”

I guess we’re meant to assume that Armour levels work somewhat differently in this Digimon universe and are in fact just a little bit stronger than Adult, while not nearly as much so as Perfect? Sure, I guess; the general mechanics of Digimon don’t always work exactly the same in different universes.

(Still, Tohma conspicuously does not mention Digmon’s evolution level and explain the fact that it just evolved more sideways than upwards, because the writers don’t want you to notice how awkward this is.)

This whole thing, nonsensical DATS alarm and all, is a hilariously transparent attempt by the writers to inject more artificial tension into this situation, and, I dunno, to maybe showcase a different Monster of the Week since we’ve been dealing with Drimogemon for two episodes now. It’s very silly. Drimogemon should have just stayed as a Drimogemon and everything would have been fine.

At least this does mean, thanks to Digmon’s apparent higher defences and mobility, we get GeoGreymon not winning the fight in a single attack. (Though my brain looks at Digmon and sees something that’s clearly a Bug/Steel-type and is very bothered by how an obviously Fire-type attack like Mega Flame doesn’t harm it at all. Shush, I was raised on Pokémon; I can’t help but see things this way.) It puts up a decent fight for a while, dodging or withstanding their attacks and hitting back, which at least is a refreshing change from the one-attack victories we’ve seen before – because there’s a narrative point to be made in this fight that wouldn’t work if they won straight away.

…I still think this could have been made to work just fine with Drimogemon turning out to be tougher and have more mobility above ground than they’d been expecting, though. It shouldn’t have needed to evolve sideways for this fight to be a challenge.

So anyway, after a little bit of them not getting anywhere in defeating it, Tohma reminds Masaru of the part last episode where GeoGreymon and Gaogamon’s attacks collided from opposing directions and cancelled each other out.

Tohma:  “But what if the opposite happened?”

Masaru:  “What’d happen?”

Tohma:  “Let’s find out!”

Look at Tohma getting into the Masaru spirit of things! He has an idea, but unlike his usual carefully-calculated strategies, he doesn’t know exactly how this one’s going to play out. And yet he’s going for it anyway!

Tohma:  “Isn’t that your style?”

Masaru:  “Now you’re getting it!”

Not only that, but Tohma knows this is him pulling something Masaru would pull, and he’s okay with it! And of course Masaru enthusiastically approves.

Believer kicks in here, by the way, not earlier when they were evolving. We’re still hearing it every episode for now, but even then, the music directors know better than to just blindly throw it in the moment an evolution animation happens, regardless of context. They’re deliberately saving it for the actually triumphant moments, like all “evolution” songs should be.

Masaru:  “The timing has to be perfect.”

Meanwhile, Masaru is taking a leaf out of Tohma’s book and caring about little strategic details like timing! Look at them both go.

On their command, GeoGreymon and Gaogamon fire their Mega Flame and Spiral Blow attacks together in the same direction at the same time, which turns them into a huge flaming tornado that engulfs Digmon and overwhelms it.

Tohma:  “The opposing attacks didn’t clash… they fused! Their combined powers enhanced each other and became amplified to more than before!”

Which, though I don’t know if Tohma himself quite realises this or not, is also a very fitting metaphor for his and Masaru’s methods, just like what happened last episode. If they oppose each other, all they do is get in each other’s way and achieve nothing at all, but if they work together, they can each complement the other’s skills to become something greater than either of them could be on his own!

Masaru:  “Who cares about that? All that matters now is… he dies!”

Meanwhile, of course Masaru doesn’t care about figuring out the sciencey logistics of how this is working (and he certainly cares even less about possibly making some kind of metaphor). He just knows that it’s awesome and it means they win.

(The “he dies!” is, uh, rather dark, especially considering it’s only being turned into an egg, but I’m pretty sure that’s a subs thing and that Masaru doesn’t actually directly reference death here. The subbers were probably just going for something that sounds a bit snappier than “he’s defeated”, which I imagine is closer to what Masaru actually literally said.)

As Masaru starts celebrating their win like the adorable excited dork he is, GeoGreymon and Gaogamon give a small smile to each other, and it’s cute.

Tohma, meanwhile, isn’t quite the type to join in with Masaru’s loud celebrations, but he has a smile to himself and is obviously happy about this outcome as well, in his much more subdued way.

We cut to sun…set? Huh, now that I think about it, I guess this part of the Digital World runs on a different timezone to Japan in the human world, because it was daytime the whole time over here while it was night in Japan. Maybe this world even has an entirely different day length.

Masaru, Tohma and their devolved partners are heading back to the recall point – with Masaru still supporting Tohma’s walking, because he is still good and Tohma probably still needs it.

Tohma:  “When you jumped down towards Drimogemon… Did you plan right from the start to use him so we could get to the surface?”

Tohma only asks this now even though they’ve been implicitly walking back from the fight for a while. It seems he tried to tell himself that it probably was all planned, but the thought kept nagging at him – was it really, though? This is Masaru, after all – that he eventually just had to ask and confirm it.

Masaru:  “Nah, that was just spirit! But the result was great, wasn’t it?!”

Aaaand of course it wasn’t all planned from the start. Of course not. But, hey, there was still deliberate intent and strategy involved as it was happening. It seems Masaru can be pretty good at the whole seat-of-your-pants, make-it-up-as-you-go type of strategising when he needs to be!

Tohma:  (I hate to admit it, but I can’t analyse his ability with my intellect.)

And that’s okay, Tohma! This is Tohma acknowledging that Masaru’s approach is nothing like his, but that it still works just as well and is just as valid a way of going about things. He’s opening his mind to more than just his very rigid way of thinking!

Tohma stops in their walking and… offers Masaru a fist-bump. I really like how he’s the one to offer here, after Masaru was the first to offer support to Tohma earlier and Tohma was still being kind of hesitant about fully accepting Masaru as being similar to him. He’s making up for that now and closing the rest of the gap himself, just like he began to do in the battle when he suggested a Masaru-like risky strategy!

Masaru accepts it without question, of course. He probably already felt like they’d grown enough of an unspoken bond from their experiences that it didn’t need to be said, otherwise I imagine he’d have already made this gesture himself sooner. But I like that it didn’t occur to him, so that we could see Tohma be the one to choose to initiate this.

They are friends now and it is good!

Agumon:  “Aniki’s got himself another follower!”

That’s, uh, not quite what this is, Agumon. But it’s adorable that Agumon jumps to seeing things that way, because to him his aniki is just The Coolest and he can’t imagine anyone else ever being his equal. So if Aniki’s gained the respect of someone new, that must mean he’s also become an aniki to them, right?

Gaomon:  “Master is no follower!”

Meanwhile, maybe Gaomon feels pretty similarly about his master, too. He is, after all, a very good dog.

Safely back at DATS, Masaru and Tohma and their partners have the grace to look appropriately sheepish about this whole thing as Satsuma yells at them. Yoshino is also there and also looks like she’s getting yelled at along with them, which seems unfair to me – she already bore her share of the blame earlier, and it was far less her fault than theirs!

Kudamon:  “You were able to make it back this time, but did you think about what would’ve happen if you’d failed? You still know nothing of the Digital World!”

It’s pretty interesting that Kudamon says this to them, considering that he knows far more about the Digital World than anyone else in this room and yet hasn’t ever thought to inform his agents about it in case something like this ever happened.

Satsuma drops his anger and turns his back to them before finally complimenting them on managing to return. Despite his sternness, he does care about his subordinates! I really do think he was only so angry because he was worried about them never making it back. Going there in the first place was monumentally reckless on both their parts, but Masaru and Tohma did at least handle things quite impressively while they were there, and that deserves to be acknowledged.

(Speaking of worried, I imagine Masaru is very much not planning on telling his mother about how he nearly went and got himself stranded in another world, which is definitely for the best. Poor Sayuri would be terrified just thinking about how close that came to happening.)

Overall thoughts

When I first watched Savers, I think there was a part of me that expected the Masaru-Tohma rivalry to drag on unnecessarily long, like for ten episodes or more, and probably become kind of stale and tiresome before it finally got resolved. But no! Savers doesn’t waste any time with this mini-arc. We’ve seen Masaru’s insecurities brought out by Tohma; we’ve seen Tohma’s insecurities brought out by Masaru; now it’s time to shove them into a situation where they can learn to get along, so that the story can move on with them actually working together.

And, really, it was never going to take Masaru and Tohma that long to reach this point. They always had so much in common along with their differences, and they’re both fundamentally decent people despite their tendency to be very stubbornly insistent about their own way of doing things. All it took was putting them in a situation where they can come to see the other as a person and not have their own issues brought out by the other’s very presence, and each one was always going to see that there’s plenty about the other that he can respect.

So I like this episode a lot, because I think it pulls this off really well. There’s a lot more to it than just the basic premise of “put them in danger so they’re forced to work together” – there’s all sorts of little moments I’ve talked about here that show each of them is slowly beginning to see the other as human and come to understand and respect his different way of thinking. The writers really thought about this, and about these characters. Savers’ character writing is great.

And yeah, the Drimogemon evolving into Digmon is pretty silly, but that’s only a small thing. The conclusion of the metaphor started last episode with GeoGreymon and Gaogamon’s attacks is a narratively appropriate way to end the fight, at least.

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[Dub comparison]

[queenofthefullmoon]

An exhaustive list of Bloodborne bosses I would or would not date

Father Gascoigne

We’re starting this list off with a strong yes. You may be like, but Blue, this is a married man with two daughters! To this I reply: I pretend not to hear it. Also, not to be horrible, but his wife is dead while I’m right there baby, with my blunderbuss and my axe, and I’m ready to risk it all. YES, I know he’s a very stinky man, but you gotta make compromises sometimes. What’s that smell? Ah, the sweet dilf, it sings to me.

Cleric Beast

Let me be clear, I’m not a furry, but the Cleric Beast has stated some facts and made some points! The only reason why I’m not to keen on dating it is that it can’t best me in battle, which is something I’m always looking for in a partner.

Blood Starved Beast

Our first no of the list, I’m not very into skin flaps and poison, which the Blood Starved Beast has plenty of. Moreover, I’d have to get Djura’s approval, and that scares me beyond anything else in Yharnam.

Vicar Amelia

Another Cleric Beast, this time with a bit more flair to it. First of all we just have to admire the way she transforms, very sexy and bloody, which is something you’re gonna want in your relationship if you’re someone who likes fun. (Thiccar) Amelia, cradle me like your golden pendant.

Hemwick witches

Another hard no here. No offense, but I like having eyes, and dating a pair of witches covered in eyes that they’ve been harvesting for years doesn’t seem like a good idea to me!

Shadows of Yharnam

Honestly yeah? You get 3 cool partners in black robes for the price of one. They all wield different weapons, which makes for two excellent things. First of all, you get a very efficient bodyguard team (useful at parties, when a hunter gets drunk on blood, or when you open your front door and a beast is there). Secondly, if you want to have a fun sparring match with your partners, which we all know is a fundamental activity in a couple, you have very varied options!

And a bonus for animal lovers: they can spawn snakes at will for you!! Never a boring day with your 3 hooded partners.

Rom, the vacuous spider

NO. Don’t date Rom. She’s baby! She doesn’t understand what’s going on. Instead, here’s a list of nice activities you can do with Rom:

- Read her stories

- Trims her back growths

- Clean her teeth

- Make her some cute little glasses

- Knit matching socks for her and her children

- Teach her new spells

- Not date her

Darkbeast Paarl

Paarl is a similar situation as Rom. He’s just a little puppy… He doesn’t know what dating is. He knows what going on a walk means, though! So go on, go on a happy little walk with Paarl. He’ll love it, you’ll have fun, everyone will be happy.

Amygdala

Yes. Evidence that it’s a good idea is: lots of arms (good hugs), can grab the shit out of me, CAN and WILL crush me, can sometimes shatter my consciousness with its eldritch powers (very sexy), can send me in other dimensions, will annihilate my enemies with a funky laser beam, and the most amazing feature: can pop it’s eyes out of its skull like a stress ball (fun trick to show your friends at parties). The ideal girlfriend.

The One Reborn

NO!!!!! There’s a lot of freaky stuff I’d date in Bloodborne but the One Reborn is NOT one of them. Firstly, it has 6 nannies. Do I look like the type of person who wants their dates consistently moderated by 6 Pthumerian elders? No!!! I’m a free bitch baby!! And in addition to that, Juan Reborn just has too many limbs. It’s not okay. If we ever got engaged I wouldn’t know where to slip the ring.

Micolash, Host of the Nightmare

Would I..? No, I wouldn’t… Unless? Haha, just kidding. Wait… Actually… Um.

I mean… If you’re into bastardous hysterical little men who howl while running around, sure. BUT beware… You might lose him in a mirror and never find him again, which I find very inconvenient. Imagine going shopping with a guy who compulsively disappears in mirrors. Imagine explaining to the store employees why your dumbass boyfriend broke all their mirrors.

Also, how will we kiss?  With the cage on the way?

Oh god, do I have to wear a cage too?

Celestial Emissaries

I’m not against having a multitude of partners but I’m afraid that might be too much for me. Also, they look like little tiny bebes. I know I’ve said before that I wasn’t ready to be a parent, but I might make an exception for the Celestial Emissaries — let them chill in my home, make them pb&j sandwiches, stuff like that.

Ebrietas, Daughter of the Cosmos

Dear Ebrietas… I have a lot of fondness for her but she looks way too much like mac’n’cheese for comfort. She’s invited for sleepovers and all, no doubt about that, but I see our future together as platonic.

Martyr Logarius

Now Listen… Logarius is an Enemy of women. The proof of his crimes still remains in Cainhurst castle. Do I want to date the genocidal Yharnam Santa? Are you really asking me that? Do you take me for Executioner Alfred? I am not crazy. I will not date Martyr Logarius and his red skulls spamming ass (however miss Annalise queen of the Vilebloods, call me).

Mergo’s Wet Nurse

Um yes of course? Tall dark eldritch wife? I feel like Mergo’s Wet Nurse is the Dancer of Bloodborne, where I’m in a situation where I’m presented with the ideal girlfriend and people expect me to say no because she’s an enormous eldritch entity who could kill me in one hit or whatever. Do you think me a coward? Do you believe that I am not willing to risk it all for invisible girls? Think again.

Gehrman, the First Hunter

Ew no! Gross! He’s gonna make a doll designed after me and I will have to call the police!

Moon Presence

On one hand yes (see Mergo’s Wet Nurse) but on the other hand… I feel like the Moon Presence would be too possessive and easily jealous. I just need some freedom, yknow? The liberty to go out and make friends with other Great Ones. And I know she would NOT like that. She’d ask me if I’m the only Great One I’m talking to and I’d have to nervously hide my phone and say Yes Babe Always Babe, lest she would shackle me to an unending dream. I’m not about that life.

Ludwig the Accursed/the Holy Blade

I genuinely don’t know what to say. The screaming horse man? Am I— the horse boy? Him? No. I… I’m not gonna. I love his sword. Lots of class. Very good theme song, could be cool to have him as a friend (maybe I could ride him around to different locations?) but to date? Kiss his horse mouth? KISS HIS EYE MOUTH? You could say that… Neigh.

Laurence, the First Vicar

NOW WE’RE TALKING BABEY… All the class of the Cleric Beast with FIRE included! Picture this: it’s the winter, it’s snowing, and you’re cold… NOT! You are dating a FLAMING BEAST, you are never cold. Laurence has one proper arm to hold you and one arm that’s a constant flaming inferno, which means he’s great for the summer and the winter, depending on which temperature you want to be at. Your enormous flaming boyfriend will always be at your side.

Living Failures

First of all mood, second of all, this is kind of a Celestial Emissaries situation where I’m not against having many partners but I don’t want a whole congregation of them. There’s just too many Living Failures. I also like dating people with faces? And that aren’t, like, blue. So it’s a no from me, but I’ll befriend them. I’ll go garden with them and all. We can have a girls’ night, it’s all good.                      

Lady Maria of the Astral Clocktower

I’m gonna have to be predictable and say yes here, but fair warning, Lady Maria isn’t for everyone! I know she looks like the perfect wife, but get this; this lady is a hunter. She’s only a lady because she’s related to royals. She has nothing ladylike in her. You think she takes baths? You think she knows what self-care IS????? I laugh at your ignorance, at how you misunderstand her. Maria is a stinky girl; but she is MY stinky girl.

Orphan of Kos

I don’t want to date the Orphan of Kos because he was literally just born and still has his placenta attached to him.  I don’t care for infants, and I don’t care for violent infants. I wouldn’t even want to invite him over to play with the Celestial Emissaries or something. He’s like that asshole child in kindergarten who hurts the other kids for fun. Am I being harsh to a literal baby and an orphan at that? Maybe. But Kos herself couldn’t tell me I’m wrong.

Bonus chalice boss: Yharnam, Pthumerian Queen

Now listen here… Yharnam is a queen, tall and kinda eldritch, absolutely rabid, which we’ve established is my type. Shall I step on the toes of Oedon and declare her mine? Perhaps. She has a very powerful scream, which worries me in case of a domestic fight, but overall I get to marry a kind of eldritch queen, which is alright in my book. I know she has an equally eldritch baby, but it’s formless, so it doesn’t bother me that much.   Dark Souls 1 ll Dark Souls 2 SOTFS ll Dark Souls 3