#that’s the fun of comics sometimes a run comes out of nowhere with new stuff that comes to define a character

[asexualjedi]

Still so iconic of Matt fraction to start his run like anyways off screen Clint and Kate who have met a few times before this run have become besties and are fundamentally now intertwined characters. Like and that’s just canon now. I think more comic writers should be willing to kinda just decide a new status quo like that especially with characters that have been under utilized

[macbethz]

I visited your blog to find that great edit you made of Alex Wilder again, because I think it's just great and one of the best edits i've seen of Alex. I was wondering though, what did you think of Rowell's time on the comic series. I really do admire how much she cares about the characters, I really do, but I had a massive problem with the progression of the stories. I just feel like it would have been better if it was in a show rather than a one comic that comes out once a month

OMG you came to the right person because i have many thoughts on Rowell's run...also thank you for the kind words abt my Alex edit its one of my favs and i always forget it exists

In terms of Rowell's run. It started off as one of my favorite runs and as time went on I grew to really dislike it.

I think there's some stuff she does I REALLY love - I think she gets Alex on a level a lot of writers really don't and does some genuinely interesting things with him which is very important to me personally since he's one of my favs. I sometimes like to look at the stuff she wrote for him in a vacuum and pretend the rest of that run doesn't exist LMAO. The stuff with Molly and her reluctance to abandon her parents because she was so young when she lost them I find very compelling as well, as well as stuff that begins to be explored with Chase in terms of How To Cope With Your Dead Girlfriend Coming Back to Life And Still Being 16, but unfortunately it isn't really resolved. Gib also is a fun addition to the cast and I like the parallels between him and the rest of the Runaways. Anka's art is ofc beautiful as always (kinda a minor issue tho but I wish he had gone less nugoth for Nico and stuck to her more classic romantic/trad goth looks - it makes her look so artificial to me)

It's been a hot second so I really need a reread but iirc i didn't have as much of an issue with pacing as I did with some weird characterization and plot choices so I don't really know if another format would have improved it, but maybe if a show or something stretched out the runtime of each arcs. I saw someone say once that Rowell is a fix-it writer and i think that really describes the problems with this run, which is that she's far more interested in resolving ""plot holes"" and bringing back old characters than telling new interesting stories. I put plot holes in quotation marks because frankly a lot of these things are not plot holes. The fact that we don't know how the staff of one works is NOT a plot hole, its part of it being a weird fucked magic artifact. Making it a person kind of undermines everything Nico has gone thru in the rest of her arc and adds some weird ass implications to every other writer's work. Even with things that actually are issues, comic history is full of holes not everything exists to be repaired especially if it comes at the cost of cool stories.

THE ROMANCE ARCS feel engineered just to kinda create cute moments rather than good stories. I didn't find Nico and Karolina's relationship issues believable or interesting at all especially considering their respective histories. I find them and a lot of the cast to be vastly OOC but that's pretty typical for comics I guess. Victor and Gert's romance is one of my main issues as well because it just seems kind of out of nowhere to me and just kind of an effort to pair off the cast. I don't feel like they have any chemistry, Vic (and the rest of the cast but mostly him) feels really dumbed down and his complex struggles with bodily autonomy are simplified down to him wanting to hold his new girlfriend. Just overall his characterization in this comic completely revolves around Gert and it sucks. Gert in general is a huge issue for me because while I find her an interesting character in her original form, in this run she kind of monopolizes the entire comic with her arcs always taking precedence. AND THEY DONT EVEN DO ANYTHING INTERESTING WITH HER. SHE LITERALLY DIED AND CAME BACK AND LOST YEARS OF TIME WITH HER FREINDS WHO HAVE GROWN CLOSER IN HER ABSENCE and instead they write this very like cartoonishly evil fatphobia plot which doesn't seem interested in saying anything besides "fatphobia bad :(" I normally hate to like try to read author intention but its difficult to me not to think Rowell did a bit of a self insert/authors pet situation here.

TLDR - OVERALL I think the comic could REALLY have benefited from less characters with longer arcs rather than trying to fit everything and the kitchen sink from the last 20 years of runaways history. But I also think it is unfortunately one of the best and only runaways comics we've gotten recently so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ def need a reread to fully collect my thoughts as well

[land-of-brains-and-chocolate]

Rec list for Eddie and Symby being vaguely to very gay?

I'm sorry for coming to you with my monsterfucker agenda 😔👊 (no I'm not)

i mean, i probably could���ve seen this coming.

venom is dominated by two opposing narratives. let’s call this the “relationship narrative” and the “control narrative”. they’re not perfectly separated, like, you’ll definitely get elements of one in the other, but generally one of them describes what the story, at its core, is using the symbiote for.

now comics are an endless tug-of-war at the best of times, much less the gayest and slimiest of times. there’s a neverending backlash and backbacklash going on between these two takes. what you want is the relationship narrative.

everything very much started out with that take. eddie and the symbiote are two characters who forge an evil alliance because it lets them do what they wanna do (kill spider-man, more or less) and they have the same kinds of neuroses and complexes and syndromes. lots of early comics are also very fun about the merged consciousness, merged identity deal. that’s kind of the textbook relationship stuff.

personally i absolutely think the original stories (venom was created by david michelinie) have romantic undertones, even starting in the villainy days. eddie describes their first meeting as “a shadow moved, caressed me.” he takes the rejection of the symbiote still being “in love with” spider-man really hard. he sobs his eyes out when he thinks it’s dead and promises to avenge it bare-handed. they totally expect to live happily ever after on a deserted island together.

then there’s venom: lethal protector, which is cute on its own, but if you’re reading for slime romance, i very specifically recommend the novelisation. i won’t even spoil it. and then, planet of the symbiotes is the first comic that i would say has outright queer themes, intentional or not.

so all those recs until now are collected in this post.

we're trucking along through the 90s, we explore elements of one take and then the other and sometimes we ignore the symbiote completely, but not too much changes, overall. the next BIG stop in Gay Venom is, of course, the hunger.

miniseries by len kaminski, just venom: the hunger. plenty of people have written their essays on it, but what’s always important to me is that it DID NOT come out of nowhere. as said above, it expanded on themes that were there, it references michelinie venom very explicitly, like you get your SECOND “tenderly touching the green glass tube” scene.

but yes this one is specifically about, like, stigmatisation, otherness, mental illness, meeting all those things with care and empathy and optimism, tentacle sex. again, many essays. a venom comic that can go “look at the twisted deviance of this relationship” and then turn it around into “but how are you looking at it” is good. god how good would it be if they also did that to eddie more. anyway.

a few years later you get the first MAJOR fucking backlash, culminating in the SECOND story titled the hunger. spectacular spider-man: the hunger, from 2003. completely reboots venom and retcons their motivations and backstories, makes very spiteful references to planet of the symbiotes and the hunger, like it is not also called that by sheer coincidence. literally starts out, in a comic that wants to tackle and redefine venom, with the line “the PROBLEM is that you guys are like an old married couple”. so the new status quo is that the symbiote only ever used eddie to be with spider-man, and eddie only ever used the symbiote to not die of cancer.

the “control narrative” that really kicks in here uses the symbiote as, you know, a thing to control, eddie’s demons personified or even a completely foreign force to torment him. if eddie is evil, it’s not because of what he thinks and believes and wants, it’s because he couldn’t control the symbiote and gave in to its inexplicable bloodlust.

this is an unambiguous downgrade in terms of complexity, in my humble opinion, completely fucks up eddie’s responsibility themes, and is also a pretty clearly petty reaction to venom’s absolute oversaturation in the nineties. the bitch was everywhere and most of it wasn’t good. so there was LOTS of “look at this creepy loser” content by writers cringing themselves into self-awareness at the time. the 00s were going to be GRITTY and MATURE.

this of course means that we get to see eddie slit his wrists and bleed to death on panel after selling the symbiote to supervillains as an attempted act of redemption???

wild fucking times! it’s not exactly worth recommending as ~shippy~, but the first real backbacklash to this first round of retcons comes from dan slott, who just kind of ignores it all in new ways to die. drags eddie back to the land of the living and relevant, makes the symbiote refuse to let its new host kill him, telling that host, and reestablishing, that it loves eddie. and then, to keep him living and relevant, slott makes eddie anti-venom.

don’t even worry about it. anti-venom is essentially eddie seeking redemption with symbiote powers, but without the symbiote, except he pretty much acts no fucking different at all, just keeps on being a murderous vigilante with cracked ideas about innocence and guilt. people still act like he’s better now because, in its metatextual ways, the hunger was right.

then fucking uuuuuuhhhhhhh. agent venom. symbiote goes to flash thompson and the us military, and the writer, rick remender, goes really, really, really hard on the control narrative. the symbiote becomes a substance flash is addicted to, gives a voice to his past abuse, it’s dark times all the times.

people very much do like that narrative for flash, like at least from that perspective it was worth it. i don’t like it much for the symbiote. for the symbiote, representing everything fucked up with flash and forcing him to murder kill bite all the time is resolved via the good guy avengers literally lobotomising it so flash can wear it without further resistance or input. imagine doing that to a human person. you’re uncooperative so we’re gonna turn off your higher cognitive functions and wear you like a meat suit. happy ending for everybody! truly we’ve conquered our demons this day.

then! at the same time, there’s a cartoon coming out, it’s called ultimate spider-man. THAT one does the control narrative take with harry osborn, but then does the relationship take with flash, making it the only cartoon to outright redeem the symbiote and let it find friendship and be valued as a person.

and people loved it! so brian michael bendis gets it in his head that he’s going to redeem the symbiote and make it partner up with flash. and he does redeem it by the highly fucking questionable means of having it be “cleansed”, aka brainwashed and relieved of its memories and personality. not that it matters for long. nothing fucking matters in comics. take this with you if it’s the only thing.

so then for fun friendship times you get venom: space knight, flash and the symbiote’s adventures in space! and then that gets cancelled. eddie is off somewhere being toxin and hunting carnage (2016). many good comics but you did not ask for them.

and THEN.

it is time for the next MOTHER of backlashes.

flash gets literally discarded at fucking roadside to put the symbiote back on eddie and turn back time on their relationship to RIGHT before the FIRST backlash happened. you know, all those 2003 retcons. gone. ignored. no more. venom’s themes are now those circa 1996 again. full fucking on relationship narrative. ROMANTIC relationship narrative, and that after the symbiote was turned into eddie’s evil shadow, after he hated it and spent a LONG time seeking to eradicate all symbiotes (and not even for the first time).

the COSTA run. venom (2016). reviled and beloved.

like this comic is fucking ANGRY about symbiote treatment. i HAD to tell you all of that so you’d understand ANYTHING it’s doing. the first thing it does is flip it completely around, puts the symbiote on a military guy who’s making IT do bad things, makes his ability to control it horrifying and abusive instead of heroic and admirable. one of the later things it does (in the follow-up venom: first host) is outright feature a villain who lobotomises symbiotes, ending on a symbiote serving him swift and sweet payback by doing the same thing TO HIM. it’s exactly as unsubtle as the hunger (2003) was about its hang-ups.

comics... are a conversation.

flash remains a symbiote friend but still got fucked over big time by it all, symbiote-focused writers slott and costa also kind of use him to literally, in case anybody hadn’t caught on, literally spell out the REAL story that’s been going on in the writer's room for the past THIRTY YEARS:

you’ll notice i didn’t actually list any of the Gay Shit for you, you’ve probably already seen it or you’ll get to see it for yourself. yes, they are deeply in love, yes, it’s fucked up and flawed, yes, it is real and taken seriously and has ultimately redeeming potential. yes the concept of that nearly knocked me off my feet and in front of the subway at one point. yes there’s mpreg

it’s also fucking riddled with events, which spin off into other comics, so either ignore those and rely on the recaps OR click yourself forward through the “next issue (story)” button on marvel wikia to know what to read.

and after that must of course come the backbackbacklash, as certain as death or taxes. in the next run, we retcon everything once more, eddie just needs to control his darkness, the symbiote was an evil abuser all along, nothing on earth is ever new.

i’m not gonna go through it, i’m just gonna point you to the backbackbackbacklash issue that came out during this time: venom annual volume 2 number 1 - it’s confusingly named, it’s the one that has a blue-skinned space lady on it. this one ignores the backbackbacklash going on very pointedly and goes “it’s not ABOUT control” again, it’s pretty explicitly romantic.

and then there’s also marvel comics presents (2019) #5, which, oddly enough, does not particularly feature the characterisation you’d typically see in the relationship narrative? but it does feature eddie and the symbiote literally fucking, so you’d want to know about it.

that’s the overall, like, frame of eddie and the symbiote being in a relationship (nuh uh) (yeah they are) (NUH UH) (YEAH THEY ARE)

some stuff that’s smaller but still notable, uh.

nova (1999) 6 - 7, that’s the “we’re space married”

venom: dark origin, that’s an ALTERNATE (!!!) take on the character, don’t expect a likeable eddie but it’s very darkly funny and gay so what can i say.

venom: the end, which i would absolutely fucking hate to be canon, i think its characterisation is quite regressive, but the symbiote sure is in love, i guess.

venom: separation anxiety, the dawn of the control narrative but eddie’s characterisation did not have to go so wrong from here, like if they’d just figured out AT THIS STAGE that he's STILL acting like venom without it... i digress. it has the symbiote going eddie eddie eddieee

venom: sinner takes all, this is the first she-venom comic so that’s. hm. interesting. healing symbiote blanket

don’t read venom: license to kill just look at this panel with me

if i think of more comics worth adding i’ll add them.

the subtext slash text is heavy enough to be present to some degree in literally every cartoon adaptation of eddie brock. spider-man: the animated series goes FULL control narrative, in fact it started the “the symbiote corrupted peter” take that we to this day cannot escape, but the first few venom episodes are VERY playful about their relationship.

in spectacular spider-man it’s canon, but horrible. eddie’s in love with it, but eddie's a good boy and the symbiote is played very, very, very abusively. i think this is an evil symbiote adaptation that works well enough, at least it’s an actual meaningful character instead of just a malevolent force to resist.

in marvel’s spider-man, the only venom episode worth watching is venom returns.

i’ve actually got every symbiote-relevant episode listed right here from when we did our communal watch-through.

also watch truth in journalism. idk if it’s exactly shippy just do it

[levihan-drabbles]

Hey guys !!! I hope everyone in this wonderful fandom is doing amazing <3 Recently, my friend and I have come up with a very interesting and fun event that we're hoping you all would like to participate in. We haven't really seen surprise prompts and drabble weeks for Levihan before, so we decided to make one! Also a very fun contest with cool awards too.

Getting straight to the point, the reason why this event is different from an usual prompt week is because we are only going to be focusing on drabbles here. (And also because the prompts won't be predetermined and given to you beforehand)

(Note: this is also open to artists and other content creators. We will be making another post tomorrow explaining how the event works for them. Till then, the writers can continue)

✒ A drabble is a short work of fiction of precisely one hundred words in length. The purpose of the drabble is brevity, testing the author's ability to express interesting and meaningful ideas in a confined space. (YeS I stole it from google)

As a writer myself, due to the limited word limit, drabbles can be a bit of a struggle sometimes, and that is primarily the reason why this whole event is also somewhat more of a writing practice (other than the fact that we need to get those numbers on AO3 up haha)

Without wasting much time, let's get straight into the details, and how this is really going to work, what are surprise prompts and the contest and its awards of course.

▶ How long are your entries really supposed to be? Well Google says 100 words but that's way too unfair so your fic should be = to or under 1000 words. The maximum you can go up to is 1500.

▶ Are there any certain prompts/themes these drabbles should be on? Yes, and that's what we are going to talk about next.

▶ And what are surprise prompts? Okay so remember back when in school, your annoying math teacher would take a surprise quiz out of nowhere without informing you? Yeah something like that but its not that bad. Also, its a lot more fun than math.

Basically your prompts will be given to you a day before you need to post them. so its really just a writing practice and there is no pressure, so don't think about the quality or something. This is about scribbling down something quick without a lot of planning.

The prompts are also going to be chosen from an OTP prompt generator, so they are going to be uhm interesting and fun to work.

We have a theme for each day (like angst, fluff etc) and the mods will choose 4 random prompts beforehand for each of these days. At the time of giving the prompts to the participants, we will run a machine to choose one randomly out of the 4. So even the mods don't know what the actual prompt is going to be for the day.

The themes for each day (except Wednesdays and Thursdays, we will get to them later)

Angst Mondays

Trope Tuesdays

Fluff Fridays

Comic Saturdays (this is for the artists, so you can ignore it)

Smut Sundays

Now, here's the challenge (and probably my favorite part about the event) -- The prompts you get are not exclusively going to be in accordance with the themes for each day.

For example, you can definitely get this for Angst Mondays :

Prompt : "Levi having to rescue Hange from a pack of kittens/puppies."

Now its up to you, with the power of levihan on your side, to write an angsty drabble based on this prompt, (okay fine, the prompts probably won't be this off bat but still)

**Exception, : for trope Tuesdays, you won't be getting a prompt but a particular trope like (enemies to lovers, protective levi, caring hange etc)

▶ What time will you exactly get the prompt then? So basically, if Levihan drabble week begins on Tuesday, 25th May, you will getting your trope (prompt for the other days) around Monday afternoon-ish. And you are allowed to post until Tuesday midnight, before Wednesday begins. (Wednesday and Thursday are contest days which we will talk about later, so you don't have to worry about getting another prompt on Tuesday and finishing it on Wednesday itself)

▶How will you get your prompt? And any other details? We'll be making another post later where we will dive deep into the timezone specifics and how you will get the prompt, and what you will tag your posts with so we can see your stuff and reblog it.

You will get the prompt for fluff Friday around Thursday afternoon, and then the writers will have a break as Saturday is for artists. Friday night, you will get the prompt for smut Sunday you will have Saturday as a break in between before posting your smut on Sunday.

The same formula applies to angst Mondays.

1st June, Tuesday, last day of the week will be the prize day. We are gonna talk about the prize day in the next section.

Wednesday and Thursdays (The contest days)

So, first of all, this is optional. If you are participating in the rest of the drabble week, its okay if you leave to opt out of the contest. Similarly, you can also just participate in the contest and not do the other days. It's up to you.

The people participating in the contest would be divided into two groups. There are going to be two winners.

Suppose we have group 1 and group 2, a random participant from each group will be chosen. This chosen participant is called the selector. Its purely luck and a machine that chooses the selector. The selector gets to choose a prompt (from a list the mods will give them) Suppose the said selector is from group 1, then the prompt they chose will be given to group two, and everyone in group two have to write on that. The selector from group two will do the same thing for group 1 members.

All of the preparation for the contest will be done beforehand, and the selectors will be informed before the week begins. The selected prompts will be given to both groups Tuesday night. By Thursday evening their works should be posted.

The word limit for Contest Drabbles can be extended to 3000 words. This is ONLY for the contest.

After all works are submitted by Thursday evening, there will be a voting period which will stretch till 1st June, Tuesday. During this period, group 1 will read group 2's stuff, and group 2 will do the same for group 1. Then they will vote for their favorite fics accordingly, the fic with the maximum votes from both groups wins. The mods will be supervising this, and reading the stuff too.

▶How do we vote? All the details related to voting will also be explained in a different post.

▶What are the awards? Okay, so one thing unique about drabble week is that there are going to be no permanent mods. We will probably have these events rather frequently, and the mods will change for each event. The mods will decide the awards so different awards for different months.

This month, the gifts are :

Well detailed and long comments on 2 chapters of a fic of your choice. These can also be two different one shots if you want.

Beta reading for a few (3-4 chapters) for any fic the winner wants (the other details can be discussed in dms)

The winners will have the opportunity/chance to become mods for the next week, next month. This is also a great way to make new friends and work with them while holding an event!

To participate, PLEASE FILL OUT THIS FORM. The last date to fill in is 20th May, so do it before that. We'll be making another post for the artists soon, posting it tomorrow most likely. You will be constantly updated, so don't worry!

if anyone has any questions, feel free to ask. Thank you so much, we will be looking forward for your participation! Much love.

[wantaichi]

karasuno as guy best friends

all platonic over here, folks. 

[reuploading due to tagging problems grr]

SUGAWARA KOUSHI made you swoon the first you met him and no one could blame you - ‘hii i don’t think we’ve met, i’m suga :)’ cue hand shake and soft hand squeeze and pretty eyes staring right into you melting your insides.. he’s just naturally sweet towards everyone and you learn this eventually. loves giving head pats and asking about your day and telling you to ‘take care text me when you get home!’ you‘re always telling him whoever he’d end up with would be the luckiest person on earth and you’d never forgive them if they hurt him. the type of guy best friend who spams your profile pic with comments - ‘wHO IS SHE’, ‘ohhh she glowin!’ - and acts all surprised as if you hadn’t just asked him to choose that photo for you. has a sixth sense for you that’s always so on-point he could tell when you’re faking a smile and would drag you out of the room discreetly saying ‘c’mon lets talk’

DAICHI SAWAMURA acts as the parent/legal guardian throughout your friendship, always reminding you to drink your water and to drop instant noodles from your diet. he has your birthday penciled into his planner and phone calendar, remembers your hyper-specific coffee order from starbucks, and knows all your pet peeves - from slow walkers to being told to ‘chill’ because it invalidates your feelings. the best friend you can trust to do your yearbook write up for you because he knows all your best qualities and remembers all your achievements by heart. doesn’t seem to be aware of his own popularity - his mental age surpasses that of people his age - and couldn’t be bothered with anything concerning romance so you’re always trying to pimp him out set him up with friends and friends of friends who are dying to date him

ASAHI AZUMANE’s always seen as the understated friend in the group just quietly soaking up everyone’s stories in the background but actually has a comedic streak only you and few others know about. it’s easy to miss because he’s too shy to say his jokes out loud so he mumbles them to himself, and they’re so insanely corny - delivered with a straight face - it had you tearing up from laughter the first time you caught him. you love that his brand of funny is free from any kind of attention seeking and feel lucky to be one of the few to witness this side of him. his sense of humor shines best when innocently poking fun at his close friends like doing accurate re-enactments of suga smizing at his reflection or daichi holding his screen 10 inches from his face, or when you’re expressively telling a story and he goes “do that face again” so you do it and he’s like “one more” and idiot you does it again before realizing bitch is trolling you ugh

NISHINOYA YUU is your wild card friend - you never know when he’d show up to things, but when he does, everyone knows. the friend you wished upon a shooting star the way Lilo did and ended up getting a gremlin smh. he’s the spark plug for spontaneous action in your life - would randomly text blast everyone on a weekend to hangout and watch that rooster fight in his neighborhood or go feral at the batting cage downtown, and you’re like wtf...game. deep conversations aren’t really his thing but you’re always so down for anything, to ride along with all the shit he enjoys and listen to his ramblings and it’s that rawness he loves about your friendship. the best friend that has a tendency to go missing in action all of a sudden and no one knows where he is but will randomly hit you up at 10pm to grab ramen with him or those ghetto ass meals ($0.80 rice burgers ftw) on the sidewalk that give you both diarrhea

TANAKA RYUUNOSUKE tried to shoot his shot with you the first you met; now cringes whenever reminded about it because you’re a sausage to him now, as sausage everyone else on the team. the best friend who’s down to hang out literally from morning ‘til dawn, have friends over for a week, go out for late night visits or spontaneous road trips - really anything that serves an excuse to be with the bros (including you). you’d joke about growing sick of each other’s company but deep down you know he’s the one person you could never tire of and run out of fun things to do with. the best friend you could simply be drinking grapefruit shochu with or eating cup noodles and it’d still be one of the most memorable moments with him. the most reliable especially when you’ve gone through a messy break up or when it’s red season - will come over with a whole bag of instant ramen, some takoyaki and some ibuprofen (regardless of the situation)

you and HINATA SHOUYO hit it off within the first hour of meeting each other. you’ve screeched talked about everything there’s to know about the other - volleyball, school life, mutual friends, music taste, siblings, irrational fears and childhood traumas - added each other on facebook, followed each other’s instagram, made plans to watch that game in another school; all within an hour. there’s just something about him that makes it easy for you to open up about anything. the friend that gets you all flustered at the start because he’s so touchy and always poking and hugging you every chance he gets (turns out he’s an accidental flirt). he’s your number one fan and cheerleader and has a way with words that always lifts your spirit, but also definitely the best friend who always gets you sent out of class because your thumb wrestling match or game of tic tac toe got over competitive

KAGEYAMA TOBIO isn’t sure who or what exactly counts as a best friend but he knows which people to trust and which ones trust him back and accept him as he is. yours is a friendship where seeing and talking to each other might happen every few weeks (or even months) but knowing you can count on the other for support and encouragement. there’s never any pressure to be more expressive and he feels comfortable to just be his normal self around you; you’ve probably bonded over mutual interest like volleyball or just sports in general, something that made a lasting impression and led to keeping in touch. you can’t be there in all his games but you make sure to stay updated and send him a ‘congrats!’ or ‘you did your best!’ after matches. you’re sometimes mistaken for his s/o (with how comfortable he is with you), and though neither of you give a shit and even ride along with it sometimes, deep down you’re both thinking: ‘HARD PASS’

YAMAGUCHI TADASHI - timid and innocent, that’s the first impression he gives off to a lot of people. he seems hard to get to know at first but all it takes is a little kindness and authenticity for this boy to warm up to you. deep down he’s hemorrhaging with happiness whenever someone introduces themselves and welcomes him as a friend - he’s never really sure if people like him and he doesn’t like imposing on others. even on a best friend level you’ll learn that there’s so much more layers to him - that he’s loudest when nerding out on things like underdog athletes and comics and art, that he has an eye for aesthetic and beauty and is easily attracted to pretty faces and stylish dressers (but is blind to red flags sighh). he keeps you updated with the trendiest stuff like that milk tea store that just opened or that new release on netflix — always up to date with everything ugh

to TSUKISHIMA KEI, people are either strangers or friends. you could be talking or working together on a daily basis but he’d still consider your friendship superficial; inversely, you could be hanging out only once/twice a week but your conversations would always be interesting or challenging enough for him to keep you around. you’re most likely the louder one or always the one initiating conversations and asking to hang out with him; he’ll call you annoying but secretly appreciates your genuine interest in reaching out to him. you’ll know he acknowledges you as a friend when gives you song recs based on your music taste or asks for your opinion on things - should he get new headphones or that limited edition t-rex figurine? he’ll engage you in debate while studying, in talks about social issues and maybe some existential stuff and you’ll learn that the unforeseeable future led by your generation keeps him up at night

a/n: because my guy best friends started messaging out of nowhere and i’m missing them more than usual.

[kitkat1003]

Tower Tales

6: I’ll be home for Christmas....you can count on me...

AO3 link

@asilcorner

(also recorded myself singing the song in this chapter, listen here!)

Their first Christmas in the tower is on the horizon, and while they try to remain optimistic about it all, it’s hard to be happy when you’re living in a prison.

Yakko, as usual, is shoving down his own sadness with ease.  Wakko watches, with sharp eyes behind the veneer of dull suspicion, as Yakko cheerfully pulls out a Christmas tree from nowhere, has them all put up the ornaments one by one, instead of just throwing stuff on there.  To elongate the process, perhaps, to force them to focus on the action rather than the lack of an escape.

Wakko sees, sometimes, Yakko’s eyes dart to the water tower door.  He hears, at night, Yakko, going to the door and trying to wrench it open.  Some nights Yakko spends hours, sometimes minutes, and sometimes Wakko hears Yakko stop, sit, and cry into his knees.  He’s very quiet, but so is the tower, at night, and they have terribly good hearing for toons.

Yakko’s always smiling in the morning, with breakfast.  Wakko worries.

The first few months after they’d figured out them being locked up wasn’t some prank, they’d thrown anything they could at the door to try and get out.  After they’d ran out of ideas and materials, they’d quit, because it was more depressing to try, hope, be constantly disappointed than just to forget.

Or try to forget.  Wakko guesses that Yakko can’t.

And Dot isn’t exactly thrilled, either.  Wakko thinks she misses the outside more than she lets on.  He vaguely remembers her, on days they felt like wreaking havoc would be boring, taking them on a picnic.  The stock market hadn’t crashed yet, and then it did, so they didn’t have a lot of money.  They did have the ability to steal, but even then they didn’t do it much because it wasn’t fun or right to steal from people who were already going bankrupt.

They’re mischievous, not cruel.  Wakko wonders if the people who locked them in here knew that difference.

“What are we gonna do for Christmas?” he asks one afternoon, during lunch.  “Do you think Santa can get in here with the door locked?”

The question has Dot suck in a sharp breath.  She looks away, upset, and Yakko gives him a look, the one he gives whenever Wakko says something tactless.

Wakko doesn’t have a lot of tact.  He thinks he might’ve eaten it, whatever it is.

“Santa can get in anywhere,” Yakko replies, hands on his hips, confident.  “And we’ve been pretty good, despite the circumstances, so I think we’ll be getting plenty of presents from him.

That’s something that Wakko worries about.  Presents.  What is he even supposed to give his sibs that they can’t just create with toon powers?  Making cards seems lazy, even if he would put all his effort into them.

Yakko, he’s sure, already has an idea.  Because Yakko is smart.  Dot probably has them figured out too.

“I thought you were off Santa’s nice list,” Dot says with a grin.  “You know, for being a hypocrite?”

“I think he’ll find it in his heart to forgive me this year,” Yakko shoots back, hand on his chest, before standing up to put his plate in the sink.  Wakko will lick them clean with his tongue, and Dot will put them in the dishwasher, and one of them will put them away when they’re done depending on when it finishes.  They’re efficient, kind of.

“Should we decorate?” he asks, because so far they only have the tree, and the tower looks a little barren.

Dot’s eyes sparkle at the idea, and Wakko knows he is going to regret asking.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

By the end of the next day, the whole tower is put together, tinsel and twinkling lights that flicker hanging from the walls and ceiling.  Dot puts mistletoe over every doorway they’ve made, and every time they happen to be beneath it, she makes sure they either give her a kiss on the cheek or she gives them one.

Yakko thinks it’s cute, if silly, and Wakko just shrugs it off.

They make a fireplace, with a chimney that they aren’t sure goes all the way through.  Wakko tried climbing it, but halfway up he found himself shot back down, rolling across the floor covered in soot.

He couldn’t even try and argue to not take a bath that day.  Yakko had dunked him in and hadn’t let him out until the black stopped coming off on Yakko’s gloves.

His hopes for Santa visiting are dashed, and he can see Dot deflate too.

“Who needs the guy, anyway,” he hears Yakko mutter, and Wakko wonders.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dot is very, very sure that this Christmas is going to be great.  She knows it is, despite the fact that they don’t even know if Santa can come see them, despite the fact that they won’t be able to go anywhere to see snow, despite how the world around her wants to tell her it won’t be.

She will spite that because she refuses to let anyone take this season from her.  She and Yakko and Wakko start a food fight in the kitchen when making cookies, and cookie batter splatters all over the wall.  Wakko ducks behind the kitchen island, with her, and holds out his hand.

“Truce?” He’s wearing an army hat, comically large on his head, with the straps hanging down past his shoulders.

If she wasn’t astronomically cute herself, Wakko might give her a run for her money.

“Let’s give our brother a wet new coat,” she agrees, and Yakko becomes the color of cookie batter in seconds.

“Betrayal!  By my own siblings no less!  Is nothing sacred?!” Yakko cries, leaning heavily against the stove with the back of his hand placed dramatically against his forehead.  Dot and Wakko giggle, coming around to face him.

“I don’t know, I think this is a good look for you,” Dot gives him a once over and hides a laugh behind her hand.  Wakko reaches out a finger and swipes a bit of the batter off of Yakko, sticking it in his mouth to taste.

“Mmmm,” he grins, and Yakko gets a mischievous gleam in his eye.

“You know, you’re right Dot!  I ought to share my new looks with you, don’t you think?” he reaches out and sweeps them into a goopy hug before either of them can escape, and all three of them share the wealth of the batter that was supposed to go in the oven.

Dot takes a bath, then Yakko does, and Wakko licks himself and the kitchen clean.  He’d offered to lick them clean, but they politely declined.

“Slobber just isn’t a good look on me,” she’d told him, and Wakko had shrugged and eaten the demolished mixing bowl.

After that, they actually make cookies, because as tasty as the batter was to Wakko, they might want some warm, chocolatey goodness.

They make milk-free ones, too, even though Yakko says they don’t have to, because they want him to have a good time too.

Besides, the cookies taste fine without milk.  Who needs lactose?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

That night, Dot is sitting at her vanity, and she looks in the mirror and is ever aware of the background of cold metal.  The decorations look gorgeous, she put them up, she did everything she could to make the Tower become the season she loves.  

(Well, she technically loves the spring the most, with its gorgeous flowers and sunny days for picnics, but still.  Who doesn’t love winter?  It has Christmas!  And, now, it has Yakko’s birthday!)

But, even with all the decorations and fun, even with the mistletoe and the letters to Santa she can’t send, she feels...

Miserable.

She wants to go outside.  She wants to play in the snow.  She wants to harass street carolers by messing with the lyrics of their songs.  She wants to be out there, with people, in the world, instead of sequestered away.

She sighs, remembering a tune from their previous Christmas.

I’ll be home for Christmas.

You can count on me.

Please have snow, and mistletoe,

And presents under the tree.

Christmas Eve will find me,

Where the love light gleams...

She trails off and sighs again, resting her arms on the vanity, and then her head on her arms.

She doesn’t notice the figure peeking from the third floor, frowning down at her in concern.  Doesn’t notice the lightbulb appear over his head, before he ducks back upstairs.

She just sits there, thinking of the last time she saw a single snowflake.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Wakko locks up the third floor, a week and a half before Christmas.

When they ask, he tells them it’s a surprise.  Because it will be.  He finally knows what his gift for them, for Christmas, will be, and he can’t let them ruin it, because he really wants to see the pure surprise on their faces when they witness it.

He spends the days up till Christmas Eve working on it, finishing it Christmas Eve morning after breakfast and before lunch.  He’ll have to double check it before showing it to them, but that’s fine.  It’ll be about ten minutes security and then he can show them the magic he has in store.

Dot has swapped out her typical character modeled dress for a long sleeved one, with white fuzz trim on the hem and where the sleeves end.  Yakko has a pair of deer antlers, and keeps calling himself Rudolph, whoever that is.  Yakko says it’s going to be a hit a few years from now.

Wakko just puts on a Santa hat on top of his baseball cap and calls it a day.  Dot calls him lazy, and he shrugs, cause that’s a fair assessment.

Christmas Eve is as fun as it is weird, because they don’t have anything anywhere to do to celebrate, but they cut out little paper snowflakes and angels to hang up and then watch and see how much eggnog Wakko can chug at once.

The answer is around 6 gallons, give or take, because Yakko capped him off there, worried.

“You’re such a mother hen,” Dot snickers, and Wakko tilts his head to the side with a hiccup.

“Isn’t a male chicken a cock?” 

Yakko laughs.

“Goodnight everybody!”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They meant to stay up, but they’re kids, so they fall asleep eventually.  Wakko, kicking and squirming in bed, because even asleep he can’t stay still, wakes to the sound of frantic whispers.

“Please, just-just for tonight,” Yakko’s voice is quiet and pleading, and when Wakko blinks away the sleep from his eyes he turns into see Yakko, standing in front of Santa, hand gripping Santa’s coat.

And Wakko doesn’t have the time to process the fact that Santa is here, and real, because Yakko keeps talking.

“Please-just take them out, I’ll stay inside.  We-just for the night, just let them see the sky again, some snow, it’s been months, please,” Wakko can’t see Santa’s face, but he does see the shake of his head.  

Yakko’s voice cracks when he speaks.

“Just one ride?  They’ll be good-I-,” Yakko pauses. “Okay, maybe they won’t be, you know them, but I’ll make sure they are, okay?  They-they don’t deserve to be locked in here.  It’s Christmas, so just for tonight-please.”

There’s something so young about Yakko’s voice, then.  Yakko doesn’t sound like a kid, sometimes, and Wakko doesn’t always either, but for him it’s for laughs and for Yakko it’s because he’s tired.

Santa says something, puts a hand on Yakko’s shoulder, and Yakko deflates.  Wakko doesn’t even notice that there are new presents under the tree yet, because he’s too busy trying to be quiet enough to hear.

“Just go,” Yakko’s voice is hard, and quiet, and cold, and sad.  Santa pulls another present from his bag and sets it beneath the tree, and disappears up the chimney.

Wakko watches Yakko tremble in place, for a good two minutes.  He counts the seconds in his head, because it feels like they go so slow.  Yakko finally stops, takes in a deep breath, and sighs.

“Who needs the guy, anyway,” he hears Yakko repeat, and he pretends to snore as Yakko walks back to bed, and buries his face in the pillow.

It takes a long time for him to get back to sleep.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Wakko wakes up on Christmas to the smell of peppermint hot cocoa at the crack of dawn-at the very least, it feels like the crack of dawn, because it’s earlier than he’s woken up in a while, but the elation of Christmas!!!! has him up in an instant.

There’s a large stack of presents beneath the tree, their names written in pretty cursive of the same handwriting.  Dot is all cheer, and he watches her skip towards the kitchen.  He shuffles over himself.  Yakko sets two cups of hot cocoa on the table, and swirls the top with a large helping of whipped cream, before sprinkling some peppermint on top.

“Merry Christmas, sibs,” he smiles down at them, and it almost makes Wakko forget about the night before.  “My gift to you is your menu of choice.  The whole day, a la carte menu.  Whatever you guys want, I’ll make.  So, what’s for breakfast?”

Wakko’s eyes are blown wide. Yakko has no idea the can of worms he’s opened with that open ended gift.  Or, maybe he does, because he puts on a chef’s coat and hat, and sets up the stove, and a grill, and the oven.

“Bring it on, little brother.  But, uh, let me make Dot’s first?  Something tells me hers will be a biiiiit quicker to make.” Wakko bites his tongue at that request, and Dot prattles off a normal order, because she’s boring.

By the time Yakko is done with Wakko’s order, he’s out of baloney in his slacks.

“I’ll put some more in there later.” He shrugs it off, and Wakko finishes off plate thirty seven with a grin. 

After that, they open up the presents under the tree.  Yakko gets some notebooks, a set of fancy pens, and a very expensive looking leather belt.  He also gets some books, and a perfect replica of a Shakespearian outfit.

He seems happy, but his smile is strained.  Wakko thinks he knows why.  Yakko is getting better at hiding it, though, because he almost didn’t notice Yakko was sad at all.  There’s still a trace, though.

Wakko wonders if he’ll start forgetting to look for that.

Dot gets the latest model of hair straightener and curler, and a wide breadth of makeup products, as well as a poetry book that she regards with half suspicion and half curiosity.  She gets a notebook and pen, too, one with a feather plume sticking out the end.  She uses it to brush underneath her chin, giggling.

Wakko gets some chew toys, some that he doesn’t see himself devouring just yet, and a necklace with a chew on too.  He puts it on and nibbles on it as he opens up the others.  He gets an engineering book, called “Building Without the Math,” and it sounds right up his alley.  He also gets a tool kit, which he places in his gag bag for safe keeping. 

The other items are mostly random toys they hadn’t known existed because they haven’t been outside.  Wakko uses the propeller of a toy plane as a fan, and then spits in it to see the drool droplets hover.

“Eugh,” Dot growls out, looking away, before she sighs and reaches into her dress pocket.  “This leads to my gift.” She hands both Yakko and Wakko a set of flash cards on a ring.

“Coupons?” Yakko flips through them, and then snickers.

“You two can do things that...,” Dot struggles for the world.  “Make me uncomfortable.  Cause you’re boys.” She rolls her eyes. “But you like to do them ‘cause they make you happy, not because they make me annoyed, so these are your passes for that.  Valid for a year.”

There are ones like “Can lick me” and “Allowed to not bathe for 2 weeks” that Wakko thinks are specifically targeted at him but hey, why not?  Baths are dumb, and he licks to show affection!  He sticks the cards in his cap.

Yakko rips one out, hands it to her.

“Thanks, Dottie,” he stresses her least favorite nickname, and she bares her teeth in a very strained smile, snatching the coupon from his hand.  But Yakko laughs, and soon enough, they all are.

“I’m also going to put away the decorations, no extra charge,” she waves a hand.  

“Sounds good to me,” Wakko hops up, fidgeting with his long sleeves.  “I...have to prepare my gift for you.  Can you guys wait on the second floor?”

Yakko and Dot share a look, and then nod.

Wakko vanishes up to the third floor, heart in his throat.

He hopes this works.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He makes them put blindfolds on, pulling them up the stairs.  Yakko holds Dot’s hand in one and Wakko’s in the other, helping Dot up as Wakko drags him along.

“What’s with the secrecy, Wakko?” He asks, and Wakko bounces in nervous excitement, tail curled around his leg.

“It’s a surprise,” he insists, and sets them up perfectly, on the mark he planned out.  He’d checked, double checked, triple checked.  If this doesn’t work he is going to lose it.

He turns off the lights, and pushes his contraption to the back of the room.

“Wakko, I would like to see sometime today,” Dot calls, and Wakko fidgets.

“Almost done!” The ice is in, okay, now just push the button.

There’s a series of clanks, and then a loud, grinding sound.  Dot and Yakko shiver, and Wakko is glad he used scarves for blindfolds.

There’s a loud FWUMP, and Wakko bounces on his toes.  His feet make indents in the ground.

“Okay, you can look now!”

Dot and Yakko pull down their blindfolds, and Dot gasps.

They’re surrounded by snow.

There’s a model of a crescent moon up by the ceiling, that acts like a lamp, and glow in the dark stars that glimmer pasted up on the ceiling, with constellations they find familiar.  From the machine in the back, snowflakes are shot out, drifting slowly to the ground.

“I, uh, I made snow,” Wakko shrugs, a little self conscious.  “Since we can’t go outside, I thought...,” What is there to say?

Dot takes one step into the snow, like she can’t believe it, and squeals when her feet crunches into it, jumping around.

Yakko is still dumbstruck, until Dot comes around and shoves snow down his pants.  He jumps up comically high with a shriek, ears brushing the ceiling, and when he falls into the snow it makes a perfect imprint of him.

“Oh, that’s it!” he picks up some snow and throws it at her.  Dot throws some back.  Wakko runs into the fray, nailing Dot in the face, and she takes her revenge with deadly precision, before sprinting over to him and tackling him into the ground.

“Thank you thank you thank you thank you!” she shouts so loud that Wakko’s ears ring.

“Merry Christmas?” he tries, and she laughs.

“I knew you were my favorite brother!”

“Hey, I’m offended!” Yakko sprints over, but he’s laughing too, and he drops on top of them, wrapping his arms around them and rolling over in the snow, so they’re on top of him.

He nuzzles Wakko’s nose with his own.

“Nice job, little brother.  Think you got us beat with this gift.” Wakko blushes, looking away.

“Wanna make a snowman?” he responds, because you’re welcome seems too formal.  

“Heck yeah!” Dot jumps up and runs over to a large pile of snow.

“Watch your fucking language!” Yakko barks without heat.

“You’re not the boss of me!”

Wakko giggles, and Yakko sits up.

“C’mon, let’s not let her have all the fun,” Yakko picks him up and sets him off to the side, and Wakko is off like a shot the moment his feet touch the ground.

He thinks about the night before, of Yakko’s words.

Who needs the guy, anyway?

Beneath the fake moonlight, where the snow still sparkles like Wakko remembers, with Dot giggling up a storm as they make the largest snowman they can, with Yakko looking lighter than he has since they got stuck in here, Wakko can’t help but agree.

Who needs Santa anyway?

He can hear the tune from before, in his head, and hums it as they work, smile widening when Dot and Yakko join in.

I’ll be home for Christmas

If only in my dreams!

[bigfootwrites]

{escort fic}

This idea has been in my head for a while. People on the server seem to like it. I’ve gone back and forth on whether this is ooc or not but nobody has mentioned that it is so I’m gonna roll with it. It’s just a concept idea but if people are interested I’m happy to turn it into a full fic so please do let me know. Can also be read on ao3.

@today-in-fic @mypanicface  @improlificinsarcasm  @baronessblixen @foxscully @gillywitch @arboreta @agirlcallednarelle @starbuckthirteen @clarke-oswald

- - - 

He should go out and meet somebody. Get to know them, fall in love with them, build a relationship with them. Yet, relationships took time, he had been down this road multiple times and each one had ended just as badly as badly as the other, this recent relationship taking it to the next level.

He was divorced from somebody he once worshipped and the custody of their child on the line.

He wasn’t going to make a habit out of this. His hand and porn usually did the job but it didn’t always fill the void, fill that sense of loneliness that has been there since he was twelve. Sometimes he just wanted physical human companionship, sometimes he just wanted that too much.

Yet still even after swiping a leaflet that fell out of a magazine at the Lone Gunmen’s for an escort agency it took him a week to build up the courage to call them.

He chooses something called “A Girlfriend Experience”, picks someone somewhere within his age-range and tries not to feel guilty about the whole thing.

.:.:.:.:.:.

She was running late.

Tardiness never felt like an option with her yet Emily had refused to go to bed even after Dana told her she had to go to work. It had ended with Dana a few minutes behind and Emily asleep in her bed.

But it was time to push that life aside for now, to enter this restaurant as Danielle and Danielle doesn’t have a child named Emily or a pile of textbooks to study through.

The restaurant her client had chosen was nice enough; one of those business-y type places that not many wealthy people touched but it was still classy enough to be considered decent to use.

It was rare that she would be fed- food wasn’t often part of the price, after all, it was an extra expense. Besides, most of the men she had encountered just wanted a suck and a fuck and maybe the odd therapy session. Maybe around three of her requests were for this Girlfriend Experience and it wasn’t like she was rolling in requests that much anyway.

Dana had realised quickly the types of women men went for: blonde, tall, boobs. Short redheads who just about fitted into a B-cup never made the cut that often.

Yet, for whatever reason, she had be chosen. From the emails sent this man seemed nice enough of course from the stories she would hear that wasn’t something concrete to go off. People could carefully choose the words they typed, could portray themselves in a certain way online. The same could be said for in person interactions too but people were more likely to slip up during those.

For now, Dana is tucked away, she dons Danielle and approaches able 25 where her companion for the night waits for her.

When she gets there, it’s a gentle tap on the arm, a smile, and a simple “Hi, Mulder.”

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

Mulder’s heart stops in his chest as he stares at her, struck with the thought of how breath-taking she is.

He wouldn’t say little redheads was his ‘type’ but as he was going through the countless lists of girls he hadn’t wanted somebody his type, he wanted no reminder of Diana and so he had chosen her; Danielle, 5’3, 26 years old and the complete opposite to Diana.

He hadn’t seen her face before, for whatever reason she had kept it off the page, Mulder hadn’t been expecting much in terms of looks because of it yet he can’t keep his eyes off her.

He realises she’s said his name and almost comically stumbles his way to standing up, bashing a leg against the table making the cutlery jump and a brief amount of pain to ripple length ways across his right tigh.

“Danielle,” he says wincing through the pain. Her professional name knowing full well it wasn’t her real name. He might be new to this escort world but 1-800 numbers and taught him enough about fake names, maybe he should have considered using one.

She looks to be smiling at his clumsiness, fighting it back, trying to hide it.

A shaky start Mulder thinks, as he pulls out her chair yet she’s sitting down before he gets a chance to show how much of a gentleman he is.

He’s looking through the drinks menu when he realises she’s staring at him, drinking him in. It makes him feel self-conscious.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

Danielle seems to have realised what she was doing, she quickly looks away from him.

“You’re just…different to who I usually meet with,” she says.

Mulder smiles wryly and cocks his head.

“Is that good or bad?” he asks unsure himself.

“That’s good,” she tells him. “Usually I get the…older men and they definitely don’t go out of their way to buy me food.” She lifts her head up and smiles waiting for his reply.

He has none other than how strange he must seem to her right now, how sad. He also tries not to feel jealous at the thought of her with other men. It’s a thought that comes out of nowhere, a thought he has no right in occupying.

“So do you come here often?” she’s asking.

The answer to was that no. It was a drive away from his apartment, away from any potential sightings of colleagues or people he sees on a daily basis.

“Never,” he says realising this could be chaotic.

But she’s laughing and it’s one of the nicest sounds his eyes have ever heard.

“I hope you didn’t come here just to try and impress me.”

“Try?” he counters. “So I take it you’re not so easily impressed?”

She shrugs. “I’ve been told as much.”

Mulder leans in, surprised at how comfortable he feels around her, how at ease he is.

“Well tell me,” he says. “Are you impressed?”

She looks around the establishment, pretending to think.

“Hmm…I think you could have done better.”

“Okay,” Mulder says leaning back and giving the room a once around himself. He would say he’s done pretty well but she’s laughing again, giggling actually, and the restaurant doesn’t matter.

They order food, not that he’s particularly hungry anymore, but for some reason he doesn’t want this to end. Spending $300 a night to talk seems better than spending $300 on an apology.

“So,” Mulder begins. “What do you do aside from…this.”

He wonders about the answer he will receive. She’s lied about her name, will she lie about this or will to follow the truth as much as she can, altering things here and there. He wonders how much of her true name is in her fake name.

“Well…through the day I study mostly,” she says and this perks his interest.

“What do you study?”

“Uh…” He sees she’s searching for an answer and it breaks his heart to know that he isn’t getting the truth though he had expected her to be a bit more prepared for these questions.

“Chemistry,” she finally says. “I wanted to be a scientist.” She says it almost shyly, tucking her head in and refusing to look at him. He amends his previous thought, perhaps there is a truth after all.

“Wanted?” Mulder asks. “Is that still not possible?”

“Well…I guess so. I’m just worried about somebody hiding out about…this.” She purses her lips and shrugs.

Mulder wonder if he’ll get to ask why she does this but then wonders if that’ll be rude to ask anyway even if did get the chance.

“Well, let me pose you a question,” he says just as their food arrives. “Do you believe in the existence of extraterrestrials?”

He watches as she processes his question, her eyebrows knitting together as she attempts to formulate an answer and Mulder is curious as to what that answer is.

“Logically, I would have to say no,” she says slowly. “Given the distances needed to travel from the far reaches of space, the energy requirements would exceed the spacecraft’s capabilities.”

Mulder finds himself impressed with her, the certainty in her answer, he wonders if he’s getting a glimpse of a real person beneath the professionalism, other character.

“Okay, conventional wisdom,” he says, he expected it. “But when convention and science fail us, should we not start looking to the fantastic as answers?”

He thinks he’s caught her, she takes a while to answer, thinking it over through mouthfuls of salads. Mulder is too preoccupied with her mind to worry about the food that goes cold beneath him.

She swallows her food, sitting back in her seat and Mulder waits for the mental foreplay.

“That’s only if convention and science actually fail us.”

He thinks he’s in love.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

There’s an easiness Dana feels around Mulder. He’s nothing like her previous clients who see nothing beyond her sexual capabilities. Mulder seems to be interested in her mind, in her and she worries she might have revealed too much of herself to him but it’s rare she finds somebody to match her intellect, her classmates can’t keep up with her, her professors shut her down in order to give other members of the class a chance. She feels intellectually frustrated at times.

“Why do you ask all this?” she inquires.

Mulder shrugs. “Oh, it’s just a hobby.”

“Talking about extraterrestrials is a hobby?”

He looks away and mumbles something she doesn’t quite catch.

“What was what?” she asks.

“I look for them.”

It’s endearing, how different he is from anyone else she’s ever met.

“Do you think you’ll ever find them?” It’s not to jest or to make fun of him.

“I’d like to,” Mulder says with an essence of hopefulness in his voice.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

He makes the decision that he won’t fuck her.

He’ll pay $300 as a fee to access her amazing mind if he must.

They go away from the talk of aliens, something for which Mulder was glad. He has his own secrets locked away and if they continued on the subject anymore, he was worried they would tumble out of his mouth and he’d reveal how spooky he really was. They talk of other stuff, he throws conspiracy theories at her that he barely believes in himself just to hear her debunk them with finesse. She was the one who was right and he was wrong and Mulder is completely okay with that.

He stops when he reaches her hotel, this is the end of one of the best nights of his life. He’ll go home, think of her, perhaps rub one off to the thought of her, and that will be that. He’ll bin that leaflet and they’ll never talk again.

But she’s stopping when she realises he isn’t beside her anymore and turns with a puzzled look on her face.

“Tonight was great, Danielle,” he tells her. “I really enjoyed it.”

Her face almost seems to fall when she realises what he’s doing but she picks herself back up again, nodding.

“Well,” she says walking back towards him. “If we’re not doing that anymore at least let me give you this.”

Her lips touch his and fireworks go off behind him. Mulder feels as though he’s experiencing his first kiss all over again, new and exciting, and a fear that he’s doing something he’s not meant to do.

It doesn’t take long before he’s kissing her back, his tongue trying to gain access to her mouth and to her own tongue. She grants him permission, thank god, and he almost melts inside her mouth.

They fall against a wall, his head collides with the brick but he doesn’t care, there is nothing else on his mind other than the want to pick her up. He’s bent at an awkward angle because even in heels her forehead just about reaches his chin. He’s unsure what to do with his hands, on her hips, on her waist. She seems to become annoyed at his indecisiveness and takes his hands in her own, placing them against her ass all the while not breaking the kiss.

He grows impossibly hard as his senses go into overdrive. He wants her so bad when he said he wouldn’t.

“Danielle…” he moans coming up for air.

“Dana,” he hears her say and at first he’s confused wondering what she’s talking about. “Call me Dana.”

The penny drops. Her name!

“Dana.”

She’s back on him, kissing him harder this time and Mulder was kidding himself before; he’s going to make love to her.

[popculturebuffet]

Courage the Cowardly Dog: The Mask Review (Comission for WeirdKev27)

I’m back all you happy people! Not for a full week this week, as i’m still on vacation but for reasons I won’t get into we ended up back in town after my family drove 11 hours to where we were going... and why yes we did have to drive back another 11 hours and why YES it was like living in a living nightmare. Point is I had some extra space so in addition to covering the new Owl House later today as I figured “Why wait a few extra days when i’m here already and this way doing that one as well as Saturday’s episode?” i’m doing this one for Kev. So with all that out of the way let’s talk about Courage the Cowardly Dog. 

Courage the Cowardly Dog.. is one of my faviorite shows and one I need to rewatch more often. While it took me a long ass time to really get into horror films, first going through comics then finally dipping in my toes after seeing IT, still a great film sequel sucks don’t watch it, I still didn’t mind spooky cartoons and absoultely loved Courage as a kid> It scared the shit out of me sure but the hilaroius, horrifying, and sometimes just plain weird tales of a constantly terrified but courageous purple dog, his sweet and gullible owner, and her stupid, obnoxious, and often LITERALLY too dumb to live husband as they ran into all sorts of nasty’s ranging from a cat turning people into furniture, a french duck conman, a zombie film director hoping to kill them, THE MAN IN GAUZE THE MAN IN GAUZE KING RAMSEEEYYY, a roach asking courage to get “his stuff”, a living germ, a weevil that butters people up by serving them while serving up their brains to himself, a goose god, a storm goddess, a tornado that reverses age, a hair growth formula that makes the user explode, a vodoo snake, a gerbil that runs a kitschy amusment park and sucks people up in vacums to do weird shit... ANYTHING and everything could happen and the show could tilt from silly surrealness to utter nightmare in an instant while never loosing i’ts charm or style. It’s a one of a kind almost perfect show.. and I only say ALMOST because for whatever reason their only recurring POC characters.. are an Indian and Chinsese sterotype, the latter of whic his a massive jerk. 

Yeah I don’t expect to see Vindaloo and Di Lung in the Scooby Doo crossover or any full revivial spinning out it. 

But yeah as you can tell this series is simply precious to me and I intended to do this one last month for Pride but my schedule simply overwhelmed me. It’s why i’m cutting back from 6 to 5 reviews a week when I come back in full next week. But since I had space I offered Kev part of it, and he accepted and choose this one. And really with the series making at least a one time come back, and hopefully more, with  aformentoined crossover, I thought this was a perfect time to cover it. By the way for those curious i’m really excited for said crossover, even without series creator John R Dilworth involved, as the writer DID write Bravo Dooby Doo and for mystery inc and does seem to have a good grasp of courage judging from the trailer, and they did get both suriviving cast members of the main trio back for this. As a side note i’m also watching through EVERY Scooby Doo film I haven’t seen leading up to this with my good friend @jess-the-vampire​ for fun after watching a few with her last week. I’ve got 20 to go, with three more planned for tonight, so I shoudl be all caught up by the time SON releases in September. Might do something with that at some point. 

So why this episode? Well besides being gay as hell, it’s also one of my faviorites, and as a kid it was a close tie between this and Hunchback of Nowhere. It just had so much emotion and depth to it and that was even with me never realizing it was an allegory for abuse or involved two characters who were as gay as they could possibly let two characters be in the early 2000′s without saying it. it’s a truly great episode i’m glad to present to you under the cut, so join me won’t you?

Content warning: This review talks about domestic violence for a portion. So if this is a trigger for you, please avoid this review. 

We open in the middle of Nowhere.... which is oddly fun to say. Muriel is working in the Chicken Coop and Courage is just outside it just minding his own buisness when the latest weirdo to disrupt his quite life and try to murder him shows up. 

In this case it’s...

My nightmare for the last few weeks. Yeah something I can always give the series is character design: The monsters always have a unique and intresting look from them: a floating brain with organs and eyes, a monster made out of jelly, a uniquely retro robot, a giant weevil who uses politness as a way to get away with sucking the life out of his clients, a giant roach grifter, a three headed space duck, a roasted space duck, a bayoo snake, a gerbil, and THE MAN IN GAUZE SANTA CLASUSSS. Every villian felt fresh and exciting evne the ones that were direct homages to things. So Kitty here is no exception. 

Unlike most villians though Kitty dosen’t seem to have a clear plan apart from “Beat courage senseless with a kitchen sink because she thinks “Dogs are evilllll”. It’s a nice combo of funny, because her methods of tormeting our hero are slapstick, and disturbing as they leave real welts and bruises on our hero and she’s projecting her anger, continuting the chain of harm by hurting someone who did NOTHING wrong and blaming all of Dog Kind for it. 

So naturally Muriel.. misses Courage’s beating, ignores Kitty saying “Dogs are evillll” which is so much her catchphrase it wouldn’t look out of place on a bart simpson t-shirt

And invites her in for Dinner assuming her to be Courage’s friend because apparently all of courage’s friends nearly beat him to death. Look the woman has a heart of an especially kind whale and the self preservation instincts god gave an especially dim schnauser. The fact Kitty isn’t an elder god, a living germ,  a supernatural serial killer or Le Quack but in a wig means this is one of her better days.

So our heroes, sympathetic antagonist and Eustace all have dinner where Kitty reveals why she’s here and why she hates Dogs so much: She’s “best friends” with Bunny, a cockatoo.. no of course it’s a rabbit. She clearly is in love with her but Bunny got caught up with Mad Dog, a domestic abusing literal and metaphorical dog who threatned to murder Kitty if he smelled her around. So now Kitty’s miserable bereft of the love of her life and taking it out on all dogs.. and on Eustace and Muriel as she airs their dirty laundry, Eustace being unable to fix jack shit and  Muriel’s tendency to night snack. 

You’d THINK the fact Eustace has tried to sell Muriel on more than one occasoin would be the bigger scandal here but hey. We then get some more slapstick animal on animal abuse as Kitty continues to tourture Courage via a fish then using him to unclog the toilet, the latter leading to Eustace walking in and then awkwardly leaving. 

Not only that Kitty is staying in Courage’s attic, meaning he can’t go to his computer for help, a nice way to keep him out of the plot since otherwise Computer would break it in half. Courage then spies the most horrible thing imaginable.. Kitty.. IS A CAT. 

Well okay not bill, this week, bu tstill the sight terrifies him and he tries to portray her as a monster and warn Eustace and Muriel worried Kitty’s going to try and kill them. Muriel is of course unworried and is sympathetic to the poor girls plight even with how she’s acted, getting that Kitty.. is just lashing out. Also Courage might be racist towards Cats.. then again the only one we’ve seen in series is Katz, so like Kitty’s own hatred it’s understandable if something they should both work to ending. Hating an entire race because one member did you wrong is NEVER a good look. 

That being said while Courage being paranoid because she’s a cat is a bit please don’t be racist bud, him being paranoid in general isn’t. At this point in the series our main trio has been attacked or targeted by a Chicken from Outer Space, twice, a Cajun Fox, A Con Artist Duck (Thrice), A Weremole, Two Alien Ducks (Who while well meaning still kidnapped muriel), a Roma Chihaua (Whose also helped the multiple times, god Bless Shirley), a Goose God, a giant sapient cockroach who tried to get Courage to do somnething illegal, probably,  sell coke, a gerbil doctor, Eustace as a Kangaroo Monster, Bullfrogs, A Giant Vulture, A Fishonarry, Beavers, A Sand Whale, A Deer, and a goat. And that’s JUST the other animals. And only like a third of those are sympathetic if that. So yeah it’s kind of undrestandable to think the latest random animal to try and ruin his life who hate shim specifically wants to kill his owner and the guy who lives with her Courage keeps alive so she dosen’t die of grief. 

So Courage locks them in their room and Kitty in hers, steals a Mouse kitty owned and sets off to find some way to stop her. His plan is to go to the police which itself is bad idea but he dosen’t have other options and is convinced Kitty will be some sort of criminal. Again given that rap sheet above, it’s not as bad a plan as it sounds. 

To save time Eustace and Muriel have a subplot about getting out, Snipe at each other, eustace escapes and tries using his tools, Muriel eventually bobby pins her way out because she has to pee real bad (the reason they need to get out in the firs tplace) while eustace tries to free kitty with all his tools before trying to blow up the door real good. it actually leads to a sweet moment where Muriel helps him and convinces hi he can fix things. Kitty is gone by this point as she noticed the  Mouse was gone and decides to .. get on a train ...

Back at the actual plot courage goes to a Diner run by his friend CHARLIE!

If you don’t know who that is it’s fair as his name only comes up in this one. He’s the giant horrifying looking mouse who shows up to help courage aka

Courage: Thanks Mr Mouse! Charlie: No Prob. 

I just love him: the fact he’s courage’s friend when the dog BADLY needs some more, the fact they have a weird unexplained history that means Charlie will help Couarage whenever he gets it, or the fact he’s this big grotesque rodent.. whose easily the fourth nicest person in the series as a whole behind, in order, Muriel, Courage himself, and the Hunchback. He also has a Diner in this one which I think is his last apprance and makes me feel like he has an arc: he started out with no real job, next showed up working for a shipping company and now owns his own Diner. Or maybe he does both jobs at once. Warner has not yet greenlit a Charlie spinofff show and I cannot for the life of me figure out why. 

Charlie explains Kitty’s backstory: She and Bunny were lesbians, Mad Dog got jealous, Kitty was miserable and Bunny’s still being abused. Courage realizes that while he may still fear Kitty, and for the rest of the episode still fantasies about Kitty murdering Muriel (he dosen’t care Eustace also dies because why should he), it’s clear part of it is just him just gathering up the will to keep going: he KNOWS he’s doing the right thing but he needs to keep pushing himself.. and in most scenarios.. Muriel IS his motivatoin. This kind, sweet, naive woman adopted him, raised him and protects him whenever she notices Eustace is abusing him. SHe only BROUGHT Kitty in because she’s so nice, and if she dies it will only be because she was too kind, like it always would be if Courage wasnt’ there to save her. So even when Muriel clearly probably isn’t in danger.. he uses her anyway because that’s how he does, because that’s how his brain works.. and because if she knew what he was trying to do.. it’s what sh’ed WANT from him. It feels less like Courage is still afraid of Kitty and more he’s tryign to convince himself to keep going. 

And the odds as always are against him as he heads to the wrong side of the tracks, literally. Love a good pun, and finds Bunny unhappy with Mad Dog, clearly abbused and the portrayal of abuse.. disturbingly accurate. Mad Dog tries to portay himsef as reasonable, flies into a rage about kitty, and Bunny TRIES to escape hooking his collar onto a nearbye hook.. only to find Mad Dogs goons waiting and then doing SOMETHING to her. What is never established apart from it ending with her in a flower pot, but the fact we don’t know and poor Courage witnesses it and is powerless to do anything, much like many watching abuse as you can only do so much and Courage would loose in a straight up fight with them, only makes it worse. 

Thankfully Courage CAN help and part of the reason I love him so much is.. he always will: no matter what a foe has done to him personally if their not some grim murderous monster.. he’ll help them. If their just a person whose a bit messed up, whose family pressured them into building dams, or enslaving humanity, or are simply some orphans trying to surivive, or a sasquatch who got lost, or an ownder missing her dog.. he’ll help. Because at the end of the day Courage’s real weapon isn’t his bravery or pain tolerance... but his heart. His heart and love for muriel drive him.. how could he turn his back on someone else who just wants to be loved and not abused? 

So he naturally breaks in, digs her out and outwits Mad Dog’s goons in a great gag, simply turning out the lights and then pummeling them. He then escapes with Bunny and takes off towards the train tracks. Mad Dog then persues though in his car and our heroes are ssemingly screwed.. only for Courage to pull a bad ass, utterly heroic movie as he’ swont to do: he JUMPS into the car, steers it towards the oncoming train, and clearly isn’t ure if he’ll get out in time. He does, and mad dog is smashed into it, ending his tyranny and freeing Bunny from the chains of abuse. 

Kitty then shows up having been on the train ...

And reunites with her love, Courage happily basking in it and Kitty thanking him realizing her hatred.. was wrong. Not all dogs ar ebad and she shoudln’t pidgenhole an entire race because of one bad experince. With that Courage returns home, our heroes ar ehappy and Mad Dog is fucking dead now so all in all one of the happiest endings of the entire series. Also Eustace is using Kitty’s mask as a saftey mask. Heh. 

Final Thoughts:

This episode is excellent. It has deeper meanings than I realized as a kid an dhandles abuse in a real stark and horrifying way, with Mad Dog’s only fantastical element being that he IS a dog. That’s it. Sure he gets smashed by a train but still, the fact the villian isn’t some form of literal monster, just a musecly metaphorical one makes the abuse that much more impactful, and thus Bunny’s liberation at the end and reunion with Kitty that much sweeter. thi sis an excellent episode and I highly recommend watching it. It’s on HBO Max and i’ts well worth your time, for the represntation and for the sheer quality. I’m still amazed they managed to sneak a gay couple into this show, and did so in a way that utterly holds up. Still one of my faviorites and still worth your time. See you at the next rainbow. 

[ghost-in-the-hella]

J: “Join me for a swim?” with PriceMarsh, because I can't get enough of this ship.

Some soft pricemarsh for these troubled times. Enjoy.

---

Kate says a silent prayer before she approaches the woman sitting on the beach. She suspects that Chloe’s not the praying kind, and given the way people in Blackwell and around town never seem to have a kind word to say about her she’d be surprised if anybody else spoke to God on her behalf. And maybe Chloe prefers it that way. They haven’t talked about religion much in the few weeks of their budding friendship, but she’s pretty sure that Chloe is an atheist. “What kind of God would take my dad away when I was only fourteen?” For some people, tragedy brings them closer to God. For others, it pushes them away. But Chloe doesn’t make fun of her for being religious (unlike most people at Blackwell) and Kate doesn’t try to dissuade her from her own beliefs, so they get along beautifully. Everyone has their own path to walk in life, after all.

Kate’s path leads her toward Chloe’s slumped back and bowed head as she sits in the cooling sand and the fading light.

Chloe’s head doesn’t turn as Kate approaches, even though Kate’s footsteps in the sand aren’t exactly silent. It does raise slightly in acknowledgement, however, and Kate assumes that’s as close as she’s going to get to a greeting tonight. 

Kate’s not sure how long Chloe’s been sitting there, staring out at the slow waters of the bay. Chloe had texted her three times after midnight, which Kate of course didn’t see until she woke up at eight. Kate’s texted her five times since then at careful intervals so as to not seem too concerned, and Chloe hasn’t responded to a single one of them. She even tried calling Chloe despite phone calls not being a standard part of their friendship at this point, but she didn’t try again after it went immediately to voicemail. 

Kate’s never regretted not learning to drive so much before. It’s been sort of nice, actually, since Chloe’s got her truck and loves driving. Kate not wanting to ride the bus everywhere has been a good excuse for both of them to advance their friendship beyond “casual but amiable acquaintance” to “person I actively go out of my way to spend time with.” Today, however, not being able to drive has been a serious hindrance. It’s hard to search for someone when you’re reliant on small town bus routes and schedules. Once she started to really worry about Chloe’s silence and start looking for her, it took her nearly three hours to track her down at the beach.

She stops and stands next to where Chloe’s sitting in the sand. “Hey,” she says evenly, as if she hasn’t been clawing her hair out trying to find this woman half the day. 

“Hey,” Chloe answers without looking at her.

“...I got your texts.” Chloe doesn’t respond, so Kate continues, “I didn’t see them until I woke up; I’m sorry. I wasn’t ignoring you.”

Chloe nods thoughtfully, processing this. “My battery died. Didn’t want to go home to charge it.”

Kate can’t blame her for that. “Is it okay if I sit with you?”

Chloe turns to her then and looks at her with those clear blue eyes. It doesn’t seem fair that such beautiful eyes should have to hold such sadness. The light isn’t great, but Kate’s pretty sure she sees a smudge of a bruise beneath one, and that makes her stomach twist all the tighter. “Sure, whatever.” Chloe trains her eyes on the bay once more, but Kate can still feel them piercing her heart. 

Kate tucks her skirt around her legs carefully as she settles by Chloe’s side. The sand is damp and the warmth of the day is mostly gone from it. She looks at the woman beside her. She’s not wearing her beanie for once. She’s wearing short sleeves and her pale, too-thin arms are covered with goosebumps. Without even thinking, Kate removes her cardigan and drapes it over Chloe’s bare shoulders. Chloe glances at her in barely masked surprise. Kate thinks for a moment she’s going to object, but she just wraps her arms around herself and tugs the borrowed cardigan a little tighter around her shoulders.

Kate feels like she should say something, but Chloe breaks the heavy silence while she’s still trying to piece her words together. “Kinda late to come to the beach. Sun’s almost down. ‘Most everyone’s gone home.”

“I didn’t come for the beach. I came for you.”

Chloe’s brows lift then furrow. “Why.”

Because when she woke up to Chloe’s texts and saw how long ago she’d sent them, Kate had almost immediately gone into a panic spiral. Because Kate had texted and called and couldn’t reach her. Because Kate was terrified that Chloe was hurt and had nowhere to go and no one to talk to. “I wanted to make sure you were okay. You weren’t at the junkyard or the diner, so I thought you might be here or maybe the lighthouse.”

“Not a whole lot of places to go in this town,” Chloe says, and maybe it’s a trick of the non-light but Kate would swear that her expression softened when Kate told her she’d been looking for her. “I used to come here all the time,” Chloe continues. “My dad used to take me and my friend Max here every weekend in the summer. When we got old enough, we’d take the bus by ourselves and stay here all day. We practically lived in the bay.” She chuckles softly to herself. “She - Max - used to tease me I was going to turn into a mermaid because I spent more time in the water than on the land.”

Kate can picture that. Chloe’s got long arms and longer legs, built for swimming. Her hair wouldn’t have been blue when she was a child, Kate assumes, but Kate can imagine how it would look now: blue and purple locks flowing with the waves, fanning out around her head like a soft halo. The vivid reds and greens and blues of her tattoo extra bright against the pale of her skin, all shimmering under the water and glittering with reflected light. Long fingers cupping brackish water, lean body moving through the bay like she was born to do nothing else. “Punk rock mermaid,” Kate says a bit dreamily, already picturing how she would draw her. 

Chloe huffs a small laugh. “Nah, not when I was a kid. I was a pretty big dweeb if you can believe it. Super into science, major anime nerd, drew comics, all that stuff.”

Kate can believe it, actually, but she keeps that to herself. 

The smile that had been growing on Chloe’s lips fades away. “Rach loves swimming, too. After Max left - her family moved to Seattle; same day as my dad’s funeral, can you believe that shit? - I didn’t go swimming for a long time. Probably for the best; I would’ve just drowned myself.” She picks at the cuticles of her chewed up fingernails fretfully and Kate suppresses the powerful urge to pull her into a comforting embrace and stroke her hair like her father has always done for her when she’s upset. “But Rach is a Cali girl, so even though our bay’s nothing compared to the Pacific she just has to go swimming. Like, constantly. Day and night. The girl’s blood is half salt water, I swear.”

Kate’s got this anxious bubbling in her stomach that she doesn’t know how to quell. She knows of Rachel Amber, but she doesn’t know her. She went missing last April, three months before Kate moved into the dorms. Everything she knows about Rachel she knows from the unavoidable gossip in the dorms, the graffiti scattered around town - some of it doting, most of it unrepeatably vile, and Chloe. 

She actually met Chloe because of Rachel Amber, oddly enough. Or, more precisely, she met Chloe because Rachel Amber went missing. One day Chloe happened to be hanging up missing person posters around campus while Kate was putting up flyers for the abstinence club, and when Kate saw what Chloe was posting (when she saw Chloe’s eyes) she had offered to help her distribute them. They’d gotten to talking as they worked, and by the time the posters were all hung they’d exchanged numbers.

Kate owes this friendship (this crush) to Rachel. And Rachel’s been missing for five months now. No matter how many posters they hang, no matter how many prayers Kate sends up for this lost girl to be found, she’s been missing for almost half a year. Chloe still talks about her like she expects to see her coming around the corner any minute now sometimes. Kate doesn’t know whether encouraging Chloe’s hope does more good or more harm at this point. Women who go missing for this long, beautiful young women like Rachel Amber… Kate wants to have faith in Rachel’s safety, but her mother’s been telling her horror stories about what happens to girls like her since before Kate was even old enough to understand.

“So we go swimming together a lot. Not now, obviously. But… yeah. Total punk rock mermaids.” She scoffs lightly, but Kate can hear the sorrow in her laugh. “I… I haven’t gone swimming in months. Not since she…” Chloe sighs. She shakes her head and tries to sound annoyed rather than heartbroken. “Missed the whole fucking summer. Now it’s probably too cold to swim. She’s probably been off surfing in Cali all summer, and I’ve just been staring at the bay like she’s coming in on the next boat. How pathetic is that?”

“It’s not pathetic at all. You miss your friend.” Kate reaches out a tentative hand and is relieved 

when Chloe accepts her touch without so much as a flinch. 

“I miss the bay,” Chloe says suddenly. “I miss the way it felt to just run out into the waves and not give a fuck. I miss feeling weightless and small and like if I swam far enough I could step out into a pirate’s treasure cove, or on some forgotten island, and start a new life. I miss feeling free.”

Kate’s never been swimming in the bay. She spent her summer here ingratiating herself with the local parish, learning the bus schedule, breaking in her library card. She stands carefully, dusting the sticky sand off her skirt. 

Chloe looks at her askance. “Heading home?”

Kate shakes her head. She reaches out a hand to Chloe. “Join me for a swim?” Kate asks, and her voice hardly trembles even though she’s beyond nervous. 

Chloe stares at her like she’s sprouted a second head and then she laughs in disbelief. “Are you for real?”

“Very much so.”

“You got a bathing suit on under your clothes, Kit-Kat?”

“Do you?”

“No.” Chloe tries to leer, but it’s so uncertain it falls apart before it can look properly devious. “You askin’ me to go skinny dipping? I thought you were supposed to be a prude about that stuff.”

“I’m not a prude,” Kate protests, her face reddening. “But no, I’m not asking you to go skinny dipping. Or at least I’m not going skinny dipping; you can do as you please.” She slips off her shoes, and good Lord, this really is a terrible idea, isn’t it. She’s not dressed for swimming in the slightest. Her blouse is white, and her skirt is, well, a skirt, but it’s too late to back out now just because she’s had a sudden attack of logic since Chloe’s already taking her hand (and oh Lord Chloe’s hand is so cold and so strong and so perfect) and hauling herself up to her feet.

“Gonna be a weird ride back to campus,” Chloe says with a grin that’s building in its certainty. “Wet jeans are hell to drive in. You know my heater doesn’t work, right?”

“I’ve ridden in your truck before, haven’t I?”

“True that.” Chloe removes Kate’s cardigan and folds it with surprising politeness by her shoes before tugging off her boots and dropping them haphazardly into the sand. She empties her pockets onto the pile of clothes: a crumpled cigarette pack, some loose change, a parking ticket, a key, a lighter, her phone. Kate places her handbag beside them. “You ready to do this thing?”

Kate nods quickly before she can chicken out. “Are you?”

The smile that lights up Chloe’s face is the most radiant thing that Kate’s ever seen. “Hella ready.” Chloe reaches out her hand again, and Kate takes it. 

The water is cold, and swimming in a skirt is just as difficult as Kate feared. It’s completely worth it.

[offspring-of-calliope]

Peculiar (Newsies Fanfiction) - Chapter 2

Description: Jack just wanted to have a normal conversation but Race, Albert and Finch are impossible.

words: 2041

Warning: slight period-typical homophobia (it's not explicitly stated but it's implied)

A/N: I still got no real plan for this, like there is no actual plot in my head yet but little snippets of action/moments. So, we'll see how this'll work out. Anyway, I decided to include more sidecouples, so you'll be seeing established Blush and also Redfinch but I'm not sure how slow the burn will be. Thanks for the likes on the last chapter.

I hope you enjoy and maybe leave a comment when you do,

Lélodie

-----

The back rooms of the theatre were filled with loud noises when Jack entered them. Some of the younger Newsies, who weren't too exhausted from selling papers all day, were running around, trying to chase each other. In one corner, Jack could spot Jojo, who was trying to teach Romeo and Elmer how to sew. It took him a while to recognize Race, Finch and Albert at one of the tables, playing some kind of card game. Since he couldn't see Crutchie anywhere, he supposed that he was already up on the rooftop – their usual sleeping spot – and decided to approach the card game table.

Race was the first one to notice him. “Aye, Cowboy! What happened to yer shirt?” With a teasing grin, he offered him a free chair at the table.

“An' while we's at it, what happened to yer arms?” Finch added, a concerned look on his face, while Jack was sitting down.

Confused, Jack checked his arms. Up until this moment, he hadn't even noticed the bruises which scattered them. Right in the places where he had blocked Bulky Guy's blows. He sighed. These were going to be a pain in the ass while sleeping. “Oh, that's nothing. Some fancy snob was jealous of my shirt, so he splashed it with muddy water an' another guy was tryna soak me for tryin' ta clean the rest of my body.”

The concerned look didn't leave Finch's face and he put down his cards to inspect Jack's bruises. “Ya didn't... ya know, use your powers, did ya?”

Jack wasn't exactly sure, why, but he felt guilty all of a sudden. “Yeah, I did. But in an alleyway which was all dark 'n' scary so I think, maybe that guy's been after me for longer.”

“I bet ya hit him good, too, right? I's tryna imagine his face when he realised he can't win a fight against the great Jack Kelly,” Albert said, not nearly as worried as Finch. Race looked as if he was more interested in the fight than the circumstances as well.

Finch just shook his head at Albert and Race, took his cards again and decided to stay silent. The three of them continued their game.

“Of course I's delivered him a pretty good fight,” Jack claimed, smirking. “But I have to admit, I was gonna loose. The guy was, like, really big. And then, there was this boy that jus'... He told the guy ta let me go an' he did. No kidding, I think this boy might be a charmspeaker.”

Everyone at the table glanced at him in disbelief. Eventually, Albert said, “Jack... You can't jus' accuse any person who did somethin' of bein' like us.”

“I don' 'accuse' him, first off,” Jack started but Race interrupted him.

“Yes, ya do. You do this every time. You's jus' tryin' to be a hero again – findin' a little Peculiar who ya can talk into joinin' the Newsies and comin' to Medda's.”

“Well, I wasn't wrong the last time,” Jack replied, referring to the time he invited Sniper to join them. “An' it's not like I's doing it on purpose. I just want them to be safe, ya know?”

“An' there ain't nothin' wrong with that, Jackie-Boy. But ya can't jus' walk around an' force your opinion on these people,” Race insisted. “Besides, why d'ya think that this boy that helped you has powers? Maybe he just knew the guy or somethin'.”

Jack didn't even get the chance to respond because in this moment, Finch groaned loudly. “Oh, you gotta be kiddin' me. I's lost again. Albie, don't leave me hangin', you gotta win now.”

Puzzled, Jack glanced at the cards and then at his friends. “I guess the fate's on Race's side today?” Race's power was... an interesting one, he thought. Every time he put effort into something, the universe seemed to flip a coin. Either, the thing Race was doing would go terribly wrong or turn out to become perfect. Due to the possibility of doing everything wrong, Race often considered these powers as a burden. But when he had a good run, he was on top of the world.

“Don't even ask,” Albert said, taking a look at his own cards and groaning as well.

“An' I guess that's not a good thing for you guys because you, like bet or somethin'?”

Race grimaced but suddenly, Albert was grinning. “If Team Telebrothers wins against Race, he has to tell us who's his new sweetheart.” Finch cringed at the word 'Telebrothers'. It was a word that Elmer had invented once because both Finch's and Albert's powers started with the syllable 'tele'. Albert knew how much Finch hated this invented word so he used it as often as he could.

“Oh, shut up, Al. It's not even as if I'd have a chance, even without the powers.”

Jack flashed Race a disbelieving look. “What do's yer powers have ta do with that?”

“Everything!” Race retorted and draped himself dramatically over the back of his chair. “Don't ya remember what happened when Al an' I was still a thing? It was like my powers did everythin' ta end this whole thing – which they's did in the end. It's not gonna work as long as a part of myself's makin' somethin' serious impossible.”

Jack considered this for a moment. Then, he mused, “Well, maybe Albert jus' wasn't the right one for ya.”

“Thanks, pal, that ya think it's my fault that we ain't havin' our relationship any more,” Albert said, looking comically devastated.

“Right, I mean, it was so romantic, bein' teleported by yer fella every time ya two were gonna get ta some touchy stuff,” Race responded with an affectionate eye roll and adjusted his position on his chair.

“There was a damn ceiling fallin' down on us 'cause of yer powers! Yeah, 'cause that's been so sweet of ya, Racer.”

“Me's always as sweet as honey, darlin'.” Race winked and blew Albert a kiss.

“Ya'll ready now?” Suddenly, Finch was talking and Jack couldn't help but notice how he snapped a bit during his question. He knew it wasn't fair of him but he sometimes wondered if Finch was a bit homophobic. It wouldn't be that big of a surprise, considering the general view on same-sex-relationships, but Finch was usually such a nice guy that Jack couldn't fathom him invalidating others.

He remembered the time when relationships between two boy newsies were something scary and new to everyone. Stolen kisses in dark alleyways, two hands holding each other when nobody was watching. The first one who had openly addressed the topic had been Kid Blink. There had been something going on between him and Mush for a really long time until he, all of a sudden, had raised his voice when every newsie had been hanging around in the theatre.

“Listen everybody,” he had said. “I'mma say somethin' and I's only gonna say it once. Don't think for one moment that I's not able ta notice the stares and the whispers every time me an' Mush are getting' close. I know that some of you's only curious but for those who's judgin' us 'cause they's ashamed of knowin' some queers: Every newsie who's livin' under this roof is part of a big family. Most of us didn't get ta know a life in a normal, caring family but in our family, there's gotta be only love an' respect. Ain't nobody's makin' fun of Jack sproutin' water out of nowhere or Finch movin' things around with his mind. Ain't nobody's rattin' out the Peculiars among us. It's the same with the queers. We's different but we jus' wanna live our lives like everyone else does. So if anybody has a problem with that – there's the door. Ya can either pull the stick outta your ass or loose the greatest family there is.” Silence. Nobody had even dared to move a muscle, let alone interrupt Kid Blink. That guy could be really intimidating if he wanted to. “Thanks for yer attenton. I'mma go kiss my fella now.”

After that, many others had openly admitted being queer, for example Race and Albert. Jack himself had also said that he could imagine being with a guy. Romeo flirted with anything that moved anyway. Then, there were many, many others, even some who just wanted to try and see. But there were also some, not many but still, that left that day. Some of them, they saw never again. A shudder went down Jack's spine and he dismissed the memory. This was slowly turning into a direction too painful to think of.

“So, what's you gonna do about that 'Peculiar' of yours?” Finch asked Jack.

Jack hesitated for a moment. “I'm gonna find him tomorrow. And then, I'm gonna prove ta you that he really is special.”

“Uh, looks like our Jackie-Boy here has got the hots for his saviour,” Race teased, shoving Jack slightly against the shoulder.

Jack sighed. “Oh my, why do I even put up with ya guys?”

“Come on, Jack. Ya know ya love us,” Albert said, laughing. “But Race, you shouldn't be the one to talk, you's not better than him.”

“Maybe. But still, you's never gonna know who I's been talkin' about all mornin', noon and evenin'.” With a triumphant smile, Race played his card. “I won.”

“I hate everything,” Albert said, while Finch was banging his head against the table with a soft: “Who's even surprised?”

Jack decided that it was better to let Albert and Finch suffer in silence, so he bid them goodbye and went to search for something to eat before going up to the roof. Maybe Crutchie would support him.

[badlydrawnmanic]

Please blab about your personal version of scourge, I wanna know about this trash man

hoo boy here we go

HEADCANONS:

first headcanon this is dependent on: scourge just casually jumps dimensions for fun and also to get zone cops off his tail when he inevitably gets in trouble with them

second dependent headcanon: when the archie comics were cancelled, that universe kinda got frozen? i imagine that all the universes are housed in these bubbles that grow as the universe does. when they stop growing, everything in them turns gray and it’s stuck in time, nothing moves in there, and nobody’s allowed to go back in there because it may or may not be dangerous. no one knows. the archie-verse mobius bubble is frozen now and so is moebius because it was linked to the main bubble. everyone in there is effectively dead, but… scourge was hopping dimensions when that happened. he’s one of if not the only lasting remnant of those universes

third headcanon i guess???: scourge isn’t completely deep down terrible, there’s some semblance of a good person in him, he’s just pissy and tries to be cool and strong and in charge and hides the fact that he does have some morals despite everything, he’s just like sonic in terms of like… stubbornness and following his own rules and being independent and stuff but it comes out completely differently than it does from his heroic counterpart

ACTUAL THING:

so… scourge is homeless now in the most extreme way possible i guess can we get an f in the chat

so he keeps hopping dimensions because he has nowhere to go, everything he used to know and rely on is gone

this kinda gets involved with an oc, at some point he meets this kid with no parents named kingpin who’s just as much of a bastard as he is but like in baby form, the kid gets attached to him and he ends up bringing him along on the dimension hop adventure, he’s getting soft and he knows it but hey nobody’s that heartless

cut forward, he ends up in some sort of dimension i don’t know, may or may not be idw’s comic-verse or an offshoot or a mix of something but hey he’s here now

he ends up meeting a version of amy when he’s having a particularly sad bad day and this kinda leaks into @tomaturtles’ version of things because he meets her interpretation of amy, long story short scourge may or may not cry a little and they become sorta-kinda-maybe-friends

oh no she’s too nice she’s insisting he comes to her house and she’s giving him food and junk and usually people are punching him in the face by now damn it he isn’t supposed to be this soft but she’s so dang nice why is she being nice- OH NO HER PARENTS ARE NICE TOO he knows he doesn’t deserve this and yet… here he is, enjoying it. why? oh well haha thanks bye time to run off

he ends up staying in this dimension and occasionally coming back, he tries to act distant and stuff but he can’t help growing attached, people are being nice to him and giving him stuff and this is new

this amy’s friends with another oc whose name is razor, he’s practically her adopted brother at this point and he ends up getting attached to scourge too for some reason, he just likes hanging around him and thinks he’s cool and strong and stuff and that’s rad

of course scourge meets other characters like this world’s sonic and… he still has a bit of a grudge against the blue guy, it’s just hardwired into him at this point but… they aren’t fighting? sure this blue idiot’s being kinda snarky and playing around with him but he isn’t attacking which is weird, it’ll take a while before scourge bothers interacting with him normally tho. to this sonic he’s just another cranky person like shadow is sometimes or any other friend having a bad day

from there scourge just kinda goes on random scourge adventures with various characters because his relationships with them have effectively been reset and junk but yeah, I’m still trying to figure out how to continue this little plot

TLDR: scourge is homeless on an interdimensional level and ends up “””adopting””” a small child little brother and accidentally becoming friends with a new version of amy while dimension hopping, he meets others from there and gets involved in shenanigans

[dredreadsdrawing]

Oc-tober Day 22: Good/Evil

Hooray for more old ideas! This one is one of the very beginnings of me thinking bigger stories. Believe this time when I say there's not much plot-wise for these two chars. I just haven't come around to actually fleshing out the story; instead I always just zero in on these two's personalities and chemistry.

So let's call the first character you see Baddie, and the gal offering to buy tacos Scruffy. They meet just like my comic details but I'll backtrack and give them context.

Baddie is an alien test tube baby, experimented on his whole life to become a weapon. He's basically feral with how little human interaction he's had, and after his van crashes and his chains break, he goes on a rampage hurting people.

Then comes Scruffy.

Scruffy is a kid from the streets, a pro at minding her own business and forcing others to do the same with her. But when she finds this kid that can lift a man up whilst only growling as he tries to bargain, her interest is piqued. He puts the man down but goes after her, and after running around for a bit, dodging his lunges, she manages to pin him, all the while poking fun at him by calling him "Bad dog!" She manages to calm him down, and treats him all night to food, fun and good company. He's smitten.

While out, some cute stuff happens, but here's something in particular. The whole night, people would scream slurs at her as she passes by, but she ignores them. When someone throws trash at her, Baddie responds. She holds him back by his shirt collar and drags him away. Once they sit down in a park she lays over his lap and explains her situation somewhat. Some people will just never like her. But it's alright by the end because she's living for herself. As a girl. Feral alien boy doesn't understand her dilemma at all, but he listens. To him, she's made it clear she's a girl. Why is everyone treating her like she's not?

Nearing dawn, just as she settles on the idea of bringing him into her broken household, he's swept away from her watch in just a millisecond, carried away by another unmarked van. And not seen again until years later.

He's finally been civilized. He can speak and he knows social norms. But he prefers to stay quiet and doesn't get close to anyone. He's been transported job to job, used as a mercenary to the highest bidder. The next big job takes him back to the familiar town he misses... Realizing this, he runs from the car into the streets. He visits all the places he remembers. They've all changed. He doesn't find her. He's devastated. He returns to his job's office by himself, where his new partner, a girl with eyes on him, is already being breifed. They are to take down anarchists with a peculiar set of powers. Among the photographs of their victims is hers.

In all those years, Scruffy missed the bugger, but she's also been busy surviving. She made a name for herself helping others. One day, she helped a weird-looking dog. It was dying in her kitchen, and with its final breaths it spoke to her. She must be the next defender of the earth...

With the dog's final word, it dissolves into sparkles, and they crowd around Scruffy. That's right. This is a magical girl story XD Though a less flashy one, so the sparkles and colors are a bit toned down.

Can't give too much details because I always gloss over this, but she gets a team (though I can only remember two lol, my very first fuckin lesbian couple!!!) and she starts fucking shit up for the big bad companies trying to take over the world for a bad alien's gain.

Needless to say she will run into Baddie in the field, but while he knows its her, she won't know it's him (cuz he fully transforms).

He'll still secretly help her sometimes, and she'll start to notice. She has hope he's not a bad guy.

He gets annoyed by his partner in crime's infatuation with him, doubly so when she makes fun of Scruffy. Needless to say, her fear of him outweighs her big mouth. She learns to shut up, though she still doesn't like Scruffy.

On an off-night, Scruffy will go to her favorite taco truck that's switched locations. That same hour, Baddie will be 'patrolling the streets' only for his nose to catch a whiff of the food he ate that faithful night. And wouldn't ya know it, they go to order at the same time.

Cue fireworks huehehue.

She's overwhelmed with joy at seeing him, she was always worried she failed him that day. He, who finally learned words and even traversed into multiple foreign languages, has his heart stuck in his throat. After getting their food, she drags him along just like the night they met, and they have a great time visiting the same spots. He already knows how much they've changed, but he loves hearing her talk about all the renovations and history of the spots. He stays mute the entire time. They end the night on that bench where she lays down at his lap again, and laughs at the end of a story of hers. He can't stop looking at her, and as she runs out of talk, she's beginning to notice. She smirks at him and lightly punches his cheek.

"What's so funny, punk?"

His first words to her.

"You're still as gorgeous as when I first saw you."

Ahaha, that sends her smile back and her face aflame.

So this guy can talk now.

And such a nice voice.

And not to mention..... He's hitting on her?

She hides her face and gets up. She's not used to this. That came out of nowhere!

He's terrified at her sudden movement, and grabs her arm.

"I-Im sorry, please don't leave! That night..."

She turns around and peeks through her fingers to see the same shy boy stuttering over his words.

"Means the world to me..."

Ah, well. He's fucking cute.

She stays and they talk some more before she has to leave. But they get eachother's numbers and promise to hangout more... Which they will.

They'll continue meeting in the battlefield and they'll make lame excuses the next day over brunch on why they have bruises.

He knows the truth, but he's afraid to come out. The best he can do is keep her safe in the fights.

Until the day she figures it all out.

[buddaimond]

Rob Quotes (in bold) extracted from Variety. Photography by Matthew Brookes for Variety

About being Batman

“When that thing leaked, I was f—ing furious...Everyone was so upset. Everyone was panicking from my team. I sort of thought that had blown up the whole thing.”

“I was sitting next to Christopher McQuarrie...I’d never met him before. Oh, God! He’d seen me Googling myself for the past hour!” Pattinson tried to explain to the director behind the latest “Mission: Impossible” films what had happened. “No worries,” McQuarrie said, nodding. “I’d probably be doing the same thing.”

“Big movies, generally the parts aren’t as interesting — at least the stuff that was coming my way,...I guess there was some fear...I think I probably would have been a little bit nervous to have gone straight into it immediately afterwards,”

“When I was a kid, it was the only outfit that I had,” “If I actually said it in an interview (where I worn it), I would definitely have a lot of abuse afterwards,” he says with an outburst of nervous laughter. “If I successfully play the character, I can say it at the end.”

“To be honest, it was less vitriolic (casting response) than I was expecting,” he says. And he’s not deterred by the doubters: “It’s much more fun when you’re an underdog. There’s no expectation of you.”

Pattinson reveals he had an informational meeting with Marvel around the time of “Guardians of the Galaxy,” but nothing came of it. “I don’t know what I would really be chasing,” Pattinson says. “The idea of trying that transition after ‘Twilight,’ I never saw a road in that direction.” Batman was different because he was the only comic book character Pattinson always loved. “It’s actually an interesting part,” he says. “I think it’s because he doesn’t have any superpowers.”

“I’d had Batman in my mind for a while,” Pattinson says. “It’s such an absurd thing to say. I sort of had an idea to do it, and I’d been prodding Matt. He didn’t accept any prods. I kept asking to meet him.”

When Reeves finally finished a script, he relented and agreed to a meeting in Los Angeles. “And then I had to kind of try to imagine what he’d written, and I hadn’t even read the script,” Pattinson says. “I’d come with this pad full of notes.” As discussions continued, Pattinson arrived in Cannes in May, and all hell broke loose in the press. “It was terrifying,” he says. “I was like, ‘Oh f—! Does that screw me because they are so intent on secrecy?’” He found himself attending the “Lighthouse” premiere in the middle of reading the script pages that he’d just been sent. “I’m literally in Cannes in my hotel room [rehearsing],” Pattinson says. “The whole thing was a lot.”

After “The Lighthouse” screened to a rapturous standing ovation, Pattinson promptly flew back to L.A. to try on the Batsuit for the final phase of the high-stakes audition. “It’s maybe the craziest thing I’ve ever done in terms of movie stuff,” Pattinson says.

“I put it on. I remember saying to Matt, ‘It does feel quite transformative!’ He was like, ‘I would hope it does! You’re literally in the Batsuit.’” Pattinson describes what the moment was like: “You do feel very powerful immediately. And it’s pretty astonishing, something that is incredibly difficult to get into, so the ritual of getting into it is pretty humiliating. You’ve got five people trying to shove you into something. Once you’ve got it on, it’s like, ‘Yeah, I feel strong, I feel tough, even though I had to have someone squeezing my butt cheeks into the legs.’”

Although he had a clear take on how he’d play Batman, he had to adjust his movements to his new latex body. “You’re trying to think of the way to balance, how to bring something new to it and not want to scare people off,” Pattinson says. “And work in the confines of the costume.”

About himself and the movie industry

He’s noticed how much the entertainment industry has transformed since the first “Twilight” hit screens a decade ago. “It felt like the mid-budget movie completely disappeared, but then it kind of came back with Netflix and the streaming services,” he says, adding that he wishes Netflix offered a better way to navigate all its titles. “Hardly anyone sees independent movies at the cinema anyway. It would be amazing if people did.”

“I think I’d come back and my house would have flown off,” he says. “I would have absolutely nothing. I’m constantly living in terror.” Of what? He searches for an answer. “If you experience a loss of momentum, you don’t want that to happen again,” he says. “And I really enjoy working. There’s no part of me that can go off and disappear.”

Besides, he’s come to appreciate the camaraderie of the movie-making business. “There’s something about people who work in the film industry — they very much wear their heart and dreams on their sleeve,” Pattinson says. “There’s so much desire falling out of them. I think people in other jobs, their dreams aren’t valued as highly. Also, there’s nowhere to put them.” He says that if he’s in an Uber and a driver starts to pitch him a movie idea, he doesn’t shudder like other actors would. “I’m so, so into it,” Pattinson says. “I don’t want to be in L.A. to talk about f—ing restaurant reservations. I want to be in L.A. because I love movies.”

At least he still does. Pattinson says he can sneak into a multiplex, and nobody will bother him. He tried to do that the other day for Quentin Tarantino’s “Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood,” but all the shows were sold out. “It’s literally impossible to get a ticket anywhere in London,” Pattinson says with a sigh. Couldn’t he have called in a favor? “I used to have a tiny bit of power. And the power is completely gone. I can’t do anything anymore. I actually just called my publicist: ‘Can I get some free stuff? Just anything!’” he says in a mock-pleading voice. “‘I just want a package.’”

About “The Lighthouse.”

“I remember doing it thinking I don’t know how I’m going to promote it,” Pattinson says. “Every single scene is just sprinting up to a cliff.”

To settle into the character, Pattinson grew a mustache, which he’d been trying to persuade directors to let him do for other parts. He’s not offended when a reporter asks if it was a prosthetic. “It’s actually real,” he says. “I thought it looked a bit fake as well.”

Dafoe says that Pattinson will sometimes use humor to disarm others. “He’s wildly self-effacing,” Dafoe says. “If you ever talk to him about performing, he acts like he doesn’t know what he’s doing. That’s a little bit of a device to allow him more freedom. And I might add that Rob really wants to jump into things, sometimes with his eyes closed.”

On “The Lighthouse,” he had trouble seeing anything due to the stylized cinematography. “We realized, because of the combination of shooting on black-and-white negative and the 1920s lenses, you need so much light just to get anything,” Pattinson says. “We were doing one scene which was talking to each other over a table. The light is so bright, you couldn’t see the other actor. OK, this is an unexpected turn of events.” Since his character is inebriated for most of the film, Pattinson had to double down on throwing his equilibrium off-balance. But he didn’t attempt a Method approach like on 2011’s “Water for Elephants,” where he actually got plastered. “All you’re doing is trying to stay sober afterwards and hoping that no one will find out you’re drunk for a drunk scene,” he says.

Pattinson relishes all the peculiarities of “The Lighthouse.” He reveals that the crew had to move a sex scene from the frigid waters of the ocean to the shore. “We were just sitting there convulsively shivering,” he says. “It’s not very sexy at all.” And he’s eager to discuss the moment when his character pleasures himself while thinking about a figurine of a mermaid that he’s just found. “I keep masturbating,” Pattinson says of a theme that runs through his recent work. “In the last three or four movies, I’ve got a masturbation scene. I did it in ‘High Life.’ I did it in ‘Damsel.’ And ‘The Devil All the Time.’ I only realized when I did it the fourth time. But when I saw the clay figure of the mermaid, if you’re getting turned on by that, you’re in a very strange place in your life.”

About Christopher Nolan movie

Nolan wanted to meet him. “I couldn’t believe it,” Pattinson says. “He’s one of those people who seem quite out of reach.”

Five days later, he officially became the Dark Knight. “I was absolutely relieved when Matt called,” says Pattinson, who got the role over actor Nicholas Hoult. In fact, Pattinson received the career-changing news on his first day on the set of Nolan’s film. “It’s so bizarre,” he says. “I was like, ‘What a coincidence this is happening. It’s absolutely crazy.” A surprise benefit was that he was able to pepper Nolan, who made the “Dark Knight” trilogy, with questions. “I was talking about things to do with the Batsuit,” Pattinson recalls. “How to get more movements in it.”

Pattinson won’t say whether he’s committed to additional “Batman” movies. “I don’t know anything,” he says. “I’ve got an idea how to do about four scenes, and then I’m working on the rest gradually.” At one point in our conversation, he offers a mundane comment about Joaquin Phoenix, who stars in “Joker” (a movie he hasn’t seen yet), before asking to retract it. “Oh s—,” he says, adding that he’s not accustomed to thinking about spoilers. “I definitely should not say that. I’m so used to pretty art-house movies, where you can watch the movie three times and still not know what it’s about.”

It’s likely that playing Batman will invite the paparazzi back into his life, but he’s not concerned. He says that Instagram has taken the pressure off movie stars, because there’s so much free photo content of celebrities (and wannabe celebrities) on the web. “There’s no money in it for people to follow you around,” Pattinson says. “There are just so many photos of me you can get in a black baseball cap getting a diet peach Snapple. Or on Friday night, getting a Kit Kat.”

Like Bruce Wayne, Pattinson has taken shelter in his own Batcave. “I made it impossible for people to follow me,” he says. “I’d be completely hermetic. It wouldn’t be worth it to wait outside my house, because I wouldn’t come out.”

[greyliliy]

Rise of Skywalker

I have finally seen Rise of Skywalker. Overall? I liked it.

As a Stand Alone Movie: It was awesome. The characters all had amazing chemistry (I’ve never been more attached to the Rey-Finn-Poe trio), it’s visually stunning (even in scenes that were kinda “what” in hindsight), and even though they added a bunch of new stuff that feels like it came out of nowhere, they set it up well enough that when it came back in the finale it was pretty awesome (the lightsaber hand off).

As A Movie With the Rest of the Franchise: I have...some issues. With some things. Not enough to kill my enjoyment of the film, but definitely things I will be 100% ignoring in fanfic. :D

But that’s enough of that. My thoughts of the good & bad are below and full of spoilers. Enjoy it below the cut. :D

I’m going to talk about the bad first so I can end on a positive note. Like. I enjoyed the film. I want that to be clear. There was even stuff where I disliked the decisions they made, but if they were going to go in that direction, the stuff they gave us was pretty rad.

But first, the stuff that bugged me. :D

Rose Got Sidelined

Look, I liked the new ex-Stormtrooper girl that Finn bonded with, but Rose was really important to him in the last film and in this one....she just kinda got grounded and forgotten. I guess I should be glad she was there at all, but still. 

As a hardcore FinnRey shipper--I was upset she was forgotten.

Finn’s Words to Rey

They referenced “Finn wanted to tell Rey something” multiple times and we DIDN’T GET TO HEAR HIM SAY IT.

I’m kinda ticked about it.

Hux’s Death

When I first heard about Hux being the mole/spy I was like “The guy who built Starkiller.” I was really confused how a guy like Hux could have been Resistance the entire time, but then I found out a second spoiler that it was a last minute change because he was being petty.

Which I loved.

And then they killed him like two seconds later and brushed past him like nothing happened.

Look. I know I’m a Kylux shipper so I’m a little more invested in Hux than most, but in canon him & Kylo Ren are rivals. They hate each other. Hux is a tactical genius He’s smart. Kylo Ren keeps him around because they’ve been working together forever and he’s valuable. (For goodness sake, there’s a spin off comic adventure where Kylo Ren saves Hux’s life multiple times. They’re like siblings that hate each other but know that the other dying in the one run would be bad).

I’m not asking for Hux to survive the movie. I’m asking for Kylo to acknowledge he died.

But it would have been better if Hux died while sabotaging something. Like. Keep that asshole in the background breaking shit the entire movie. SOMETHING.

Convenience

This movie has a lot of beats where stuff just...happened in their favor. I mean, it’s mostly for time’s sake, but everything they needed appeared when they needed it. It was very “Here’s a problem.” wait two seconds. “Fixed it!” and then move on.

It’s not a deal breaker, but I did start to notice it.

And I���ll tack on the new force powers too: Rey’s healing and her and Kylo’s connection that was strong enough to transport physical objects. I mean, it set up a cool moment later, but it was like “When did they learn to do that?”

Sheev Palpatine

This entire plot feels like it came out of freaking nowhere. They did some cool stuff with it, but I can’t help but feel just flat out Rey vs Supreme Leader Kylo could have made for a great arc.

The Knights of Ren

They arrived! I was upset they weren’t in the last film and now that they’ve arrived...they did nothing. They stood around looking menacing and then Kylo killed them. Joy.

They were sort of a disappointment, but it wasn’t that big of a deal.

Kylo Ren did NOT need to Die.

There was no reason for Rey to die after beating Palpatine. None. Zip. She won. Rey losing all of her energy and dying was pointless. That didn’t need to happen.

If you wanted her to be weak so Kylo/Ben/Whatever could come over and share some energy to help her out so you can get that kiss scene? Fine.

But don’t kill BEN SOLO afterwards.

His mom forgave him.

His dad forgave him.

REY FORGAVE HIM.

Let the boy live and do better. Sometimes a deathbed redemption is great, but you do not spend an entire movie talking about how they were a Dyad in the Force only to kill one of them off leaving Rey as a solo (psh, hah) act again.

*throw hands up* They should have both lived. Happy ending. I wanted one.

OKAY ENOUGH OF THAT.

Let’s talk about the good stuff.

Finn

Lord I love Finn. I’ve liked him since the first film, but he is easily one of my favorite characters. And he got to do great things in this movie.

My particular favorite was him sassing Poe the entire film. “So how long have you been able to do that?” and “You did not.” being my favorite two.

He’s a voice of reason in that little group and I appreciate him.

Palpatine

The lightning thing he did at the end to attack all the ships was pretty rad. Kinda dumb in a “how long as he been able to do that” way, but it looked awesome.

Rey beating Palpatine

That fight was rad and I don’t care what anyone says. Rey beating Palpatine with both Luke and Leia’s sabers was awesome.

“They’re not using speeders.”

I loved that. XD

C-3P0

I have always loved this dorky droid the most out of the main droids and I continue to do so. He had great scenes in this film and I love him.

Han and Ben’s Talk

Ug. That was good. I’ve been waiting for Han to talk with Kylo since he died. *holds them* I don’t even care that was the moment that got rid of Kylo Ren’s lightsaber. T-T

Kylo Ren’s Lightsaber

I love that stupid thing. It’s feral. It growls. It’s beautiful. I’ve loved it in every single movie and watching it get thrown into the water killed me. But I had it for a little bit. *holds hand out* That’s what matters.

Rey vs Kylo

Dude. DUDE. Their fights were epic. Their fight were Rey was in the ship and Kylo was on the ground was phenomenal. I loved how it depicted their connection. I loved the transitions between scenes. The dialogue. The just everything.

Every time they clashed I was loving this movie. Their Force fight over the shuttle (Rey with Lightning!!!), or their fight in the old Deathstar ruins, or just their mental chats--it was all good.

Heck, I even forgave the whole object transference thing they had going on when she dropped a saber to him during the final fight.

Rey and Kylo had some awesome scenes and chemistry and fights this entire film and it was just great.

And That’s It

I’m sure I’ll think of other things, but a lot of things were nitpicks that didn’t really matter (Like Poe being made general did not make sense, but it’s not the end of the world or them making us believe Chewy was dead only to bring him right back, etc.).

Or stuff I can’t think of at the moment. Lol.

Overall I enjoyed it. Fun movie. Not perfect, but most things aren’t.

(And fanfic exists, so I can have the best of canon and What Ifs :P)

[galacticbugman]

My Jurassic Park/ Jurassic World Top Ten List of  Prehistoric Creatures

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So as some of you may know that I am a crazy Jurassic Park fan. I love the movies and I love the books. I thought it would be a pretty cool idea to post what my favorite dinosaurs are. I have a lot of favorite Dinosaurs in the Jurassic Park fandom but what are they? Let us dive into it. So get ready we are taking a short tour through the wilds of Isla Nublar and Isla Sorna for these favorites. Buckle up the the Jeep Wrangler is moving. These are not my photos but are stock and belong to their rightful owners. Spoilers ahead so watch out! If you have not seen the film turn back now you have been warned. 

Number 10: The Stegosaurus 

To begin my list of my favorite Jurassic Park/ Jurassic World Dinosaurs is this beast which was showcased in the search for Sarah scene in The Lost World: Jurassic Park. This is on my list for it was the first time we saw a plant eater attack a human in the series on screen. This attack was provoked by Sarah Harding as she was photographing the baby Stego in the nest. Her camera goes wonky and scares the baby and it alerts the family. Two big ones come from out of nowhere and start to attack Sarah by trying to swipe her with their large Thagomizers. She is almost killed but the massive tail spikes miss and she is left to live for another day. This was always one of the favorite parts for me in the Lost World for it was the first and only time we see a plant eater attack a human in the original trilogy. You don’t really see any other animal that is a vegetarian try to attack anyone. So this one kind of stands out there as one of the more interesting attacks in the Jurassic Park franchise movie wise. It is also one of the best designed and one of the coolest opening dinosaurs in the franchise. Lets let the heard move on and got down the road shall we. 

Number 9:�� Ptranodon 

The Ptranodon is one of the most under used Dinosaurs in the movies until you get to the third and fourth Jurassic movie. However in the first book there is a giant bird cage scene that we eventually got to see in the Jurassic Park /// film. This is a favorite of mine. The bird cage scene is one of the best scenes in the third JP film which many of us think was pretty clunky in some parts. I think it was much better than Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom in some aspects. This scene was one of those redeeming qualities in my opinion. In the book Alan Grant, Tim and Lex enter the bird cage and get attacked. In the film it is Alan, Eric, Mr. Kirby, Amanda Kirby, and Billy who wind up getting attacked. It is a terrifying sight but the design of these are pretty cool and just the sheer terror of this scene gives me chills. The photo of this is part of that scene where Billy is being swept down stream and this guy looks at the survivors like “your next!” this part always sends shivers up my spine for some reason. It is just one of those scary moments that shouldn’t really be that scary. I did like them in the Jurassic World scene but their design is not as good as these guys. So I am adding this one as a JP Win instead of a Jurassic World win because even though I liked that movie these looked the most real in my book. This is a much darker and more intense scene for me than the birds escaping the bird cage in Jurassic World. You may have another opinion but this is mine right here. Lets move on. 

Number 8: Procompsagnathus AKA Compys! 

 These little buggers spell trouble! They are one of the scariest little terrors on Isla Sorna. Introduced to the franchise in the Jurassic Park Novel by Michael Crichton. These guys were set up to be used for waist management. These are the first to escape to the main land and attack a few people including a little girl playing on the beach of Costa Rica. That scene was first seen in The Lost World: Jurassic Park but it was in the opening of the Jurassic Park Novel. These guys will jump on you and not let go. Deter Stark learned this the hard way. After getting lost to pee in the woods he falls down a hill after getting turned around after one pops up and scares him. He is soon swarmed not once but twice and getting torn up. They bite him from all angles and dig into his flesh with their claws. Hammond in the novel was given the same treatment. After falling down a hill after grousing about the failure of the park and hiring all the wrong people and thinking about firing all the original park operatives and wanting to make a new park he falls down and hill and meets a similar demise. These guys are one of my favorites because at first they look kind of cute like a few other Jurassic Park dinos. They look like they mean you no harm but if you tick them off then that is when they get you. karma on Jurassic Park does work. You can’t be stupid in Jurassic Park and if you are a smart-alek or just a plain jerk then best beware Karma on Jurassic Park comes in many forms and in some cases it comes in shades of green. 

Number 7: Blue 

  I am a sucker for Raptors and Blue is only my third favorite in the series. Her relationship with Owen is something that was never explored in any concept in the original films or the first two novels. This is a very interesting concept and makes for an interesting story. Some people maybe against what they are doing in the new films but I kind of like the new ones for they broaden the horizon of the story of Isla Nublar’s animals. Blue is a cool Velociraptor and almost has a human like quality of emotions. She trusts Owen and no one else. She is pretty cool and when it comes to defending Owen and his crew. She is one cut above the rest and not just a blood thirsty monster like the other raptors of Isla Nubar and Isla Sorna. She is alright in my book but kind of falls short. I have nothing against her if that is what you are saying she is smart and one heck of a clever girl in the long run. 

Number 6; The Indominous Rex

Okay so now we are in hybrid territory and this guy is the only Hybrid that I really thought was interesting. The Indoraptor was kind of a retread in my book. It was just the Indominous in a different wrapper. This original Hybrid is the one that I really thought was pretty cool. It just comes to show how unhinged animals built in a lab can be. This sucker was completely hostile and would kill anything for fun. It was kind of sad that she really had no clue what to do she was just trying to survive and learn where she belonged in the food chain. She was quite the fighter and was a brutal monster. Her abilities reminded me of a few of the concepts from the original Michael Crichton novel. The Velociraptor that Ellie Sattler finds that could change color and the Carnotaurs that could blend to their surroundings could be the big inspiration pieces to creating this guy. That is just my theory anyway. I am a huge fan of the books so when ever I talk about a dinosaur I always try to mention the novel’s connection with said animal and why it may be like that. I am not one to criticize a Jurassic Park film for all of the parts to the novels are there on screen throughout all of the movies just told a little differently and this monster is just one of those things that I found very neat. 

Number 5: Stiggy 

Used for a more comical effort this guy was actually pretty cool. He was one of my favorite dinosaurs from the Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom film. This guy caused chaos and confusion in the very little screen time film. Again with a vegetarian that attacks people. This attack was not really intentional just more accidental in my book. This guy just runs amok and throws chairs and people every which way just for the heck of it. To be very honest this film was very wild with some of the comical stuff like the Indoraptor smiling just before ripping off Ken Wheatly’s arm and then killing him. This one I would count as comedic but it is more Jurassic Park style I guess. This one was a fun one though and has really grown in popularity in the fandom. I have to admit he has a certain personality to him. He comes off kind of cute and a little clumsy at times. ]

Number 4: The Brachiosaurus 

Going back to the original movie and the very sad part of the Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom which included this animal is the Brach from 1993. This guy is the one intro Dinosaur that has really stuck with me and like most of us gave us the best exposure to what we were baring witness too during the first Jurassic Park movie. This is almost as Iconic as Rexy herself. This guy is number four for it had to be on the list somewhere. You just can’t forget the one dinosaur that all gave us the big reactions given by Alan Grant, Ian Malcolm, Ellie Sattler, and Donald Gennaro. It gave us and reaction of our own that this movie was going to rock. This one has always stuck with me and when it died in Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom after director J.A. Bayona said it was this one a little part of me just died inside. It was very sad even though it was not a real creature it was still a big part of the Jurassic Park series but as they say some eras must come to and end and the Jurassic Park era is no more. Welcome to Jurassic World I guess. As sad as it makes me to say that some legends still live on like Rexy from Jurassic Park (1993). So some things just don’t die to easy. Rexy is the most resilient of any of the dinosaurs. 

Number 3: Rexy (Tyrannosaurus Rex) 

Speaking of her majesty! I give you the Queen of the Jurassic Park/ Jurassic World Saga. She has always had a pretty lasting impression on all of us as fans of the Jurassic franchise. This female Rex has stood the test of time in her world gaining a lot of battle wounds over the time of five films soon to be six in 2021 with Jurassic World 3. I have to say she is only third on my list for she maybe iconic but sometimes even the poster children can’t win them all. Still she is pretty high on the list. I love the book and movie versions of this particular dinosaur. In the novel there is a second Rex which is younger than she and is a little more clumsy with a puppies gate. She on the other hand is tough and the young rex knew to stay away from her. In the movie who could forget the “Main Road” scene that first introduced us to her. In the book she is actually seen the first time they arrive to the T-rex Paddock as she eats the goat. The main road is almost the same with a character running out of a car after peeing their pants and totally freaking out with a few differences. Rexy has saved the hides of many a Jurassic Park visitor but I don’t think it was totally on purpose. She is one that always is always going to get the big reaction and I have been very sad that she has kind of been over shadowed by Blue in the recent films and has only been used in only a handful of scenes in the newer chapters of the franchise. Still she outdoes blue anytime. Sorry but she was here first my friends. 

Number 2: The Tiger Striped Velociraptors and the Original Raptors of Jurassic Park and The Lost world: Jurassic Park. 

I count these as one for they are all in the same category. Both of these Raptor clans gave us some of the biggest jump scares in the first two movies. I was not a very huge fan of the ones with the quill in Jurassic Park ///. The original raptors showed us what real terror was like. In the original novels they are just as terrifying and will stop at nothing to rip you to bits. In some cases that is exactly what they are good at. They are almost like the Compy packs but much bigger with bigger teeth and bigger claws. You have to be super smart to out think and fox these guys. The Tigers are my favorite for we see just how their social orders go in just that small scene where they are at the gas station near the worker complex where Nick Van Owen was trying to get a chopper called to pick up the remaining survivors. All the raptors are the top predators of the Jurassic Park series. They have a complex social structure and are hard to bring down. They never give up and they seem to always be on the hunt. They are one of my top favorites for they are just that Clever Girls. I bet you are wondering what is my first over all favorite??? It is not the raptors and not Rexy. Lets take a look at number one.

Number 1: Dilophosaurus AKA Spitter 

This is my favorite dinosaur in the whole Jurassic Park series. I am very upset that this one has only been featured as an actual dinosaur in the first one. It has been eluded to in the last couple of films but that is not good enough. I want to see this one again. This guy is one of my favorites for its very personality. It is kind of cute one minute but then once angered it turns into a frilled nightmare lizard that shoots blinding poison at its target. This one is one of those scenes that give us that “Holy... Did you see that?!” Impression. The difference in this scene from the movie and the book is that in the book Nedry dies outside the Jeep in the movie its pretty much blocked out in the Jeep. The book gets really descriptive which sends shivers down my spine every time I read that. Still my all time favorite dinosaurs for its really interesting surprise attack mode. It is certainly a beautiful but deadly edition to Jurassic Park. 

There you have it my top ten Jurassic Park dinosaurs. Of course I do have a few honorable mentions such as the Mosasaur, Carnotaur, and of course the Certasaur that we only got a few seconds of which I think was a complete let down for that creature and I am not the only one who thinks that. Now I have a mission for you; tell me what your favorite JP dinosaurs are and why. Thank you very much I think we survived another travel through Jurassic Park. Until then I am Zachary AKA Galactic_Bug_Man and I will see you on the trail. 

[fucknofortunato]

A Real Long Rant about Goals or Andrew Talks Forever About His Past

I absolutely love playing Dungeons & Dragons and I really really enjoyed working at the Disney Theme Park. I think my love for both of these things comes out of the fact that they are the closest I’ve come to voice acting. Dungeons & Dragons combines my two aspirations in life which is to write and voice act, resulting in a usually somewhat fun experience of a game and getting to express myself in the ways I truly want to. I get to craft a story and get real-time feedback on it as the players either get invested or look for other things to do. But alas, this is not about Dungeons & Dragons.

The thing with Disney was that I didn’t want to be the carnival barker. It was a scary thought that I wanted to avoid and tried to just end up being a cashier. Being a cashier was my comfort zone, but I soon found that being a cashier inside a theme park was a far far different experience than what I had done before. My comfort zone was more so just an uncomfortable area where I was pretty aware of what needed to be done. Then they put me out on the carnival barker area and almost instantly, everything I feared faded away. I just had to be silly, shout out to people, and announce what was going on. This was essentially voice acting out into the abyss, where every so often someone catches wind and comes along.

As time moves on, every day I feel I am either distracting myself or locking eyes with the fear of failure. This fear glares into my very soul and paralyzes me, making me feel truly inadequate and unsure of what I should do next. If there are several options before me, which one do I actually choose? Will someone help me? Have I already chosen wrong?

Almost my entire life has been feeling like I’m racing the clock. Many of my dreams have been cast to the side now and it’s steadily feeling like I’ve given up on so much more. I’ve written about this before, but I feel like I’m standing before a tree bearing fruits that show my future. It was a theme explored in Aziz Ansari’s Master of None show on Netflix. Except, I’m constantly feeling like I’m misreading the fruits. They show a potential future for me if I choose to pluck out and grab it, but I don’t think I can actually grab it. When I was young and plucky, this tree was full of so many fruits. Drawing comic books, writing cartoons, being an astronaut, being a pilot, becoming a star chef, travelling the world, being an actor, being a voice actor, and probably more that I’ve since forgotten. Several times I’ve written out little guides at 3am in the morning, unable to find the respite of sleep and turning to my computer to try and map out a path to follow to achieve as much as possible.

For those of you that are reading this and know that feeling all too well, you’re probably aware that it’s essentially the New Year’s Resolution but set at any point of the year. In about a week, or god forbid even the next morning, that entire train of motivation has run out of stream and stopped short on the tracks. I’ve since learned that I don’t truly have the motivation to cultivate my hand at art and nor do I have the skill to consistently draw. I wanted to illustrate and make comics, but I’ve come to learn that I just enjoy the story crafting of it more. Writing has become a hobby that I barely touch, if but only because it should be a craft I love and not a device to become famous. I’m not particularly talented at writing up articles or on a moment’s notice. I leave many projects unfinished and start Writing Prompts only to never finish them unless given a deadline. Even then, that shorts out after a bit. I love the feeling of being on a plane and enjoy being up in the sky, but being a pilot isn’t necessarily on my list anymore. Being a flight attendant still sounds nice, but that’s supposed to be my fallback. It’s a dream job for travelling and something I truly want to do, but there’s something I want to do more. A craft I really love and would love to keep doing. I want to Voice Act.

I still want to express my voice and give life to characters. A long long time ago, my friend was talking about the people in our group of friends that did Dungeon Mastering. He said that I might not have the greatest battles or dungeons, but when I spoke, I brought my characters to life. That they enjoyed the menagerie of people I would present them with. That’s something I’ve always held close to my chest and probably the time I realized that DMing was just an outlet for me to practice Voice Acting.

I went through a long stint of no longer playing D&D. Friends moved on to a better dungeon master, I moved away (not far, but an inconvenient distance), and had a job that conflicted with my scheduling. I found a new group online and found that I was now entirely limited to express myself only by voice.

Alright, I kinda rambled a bunch of stuff there and the steam of it is starting to fade, but the point of the matter is that I’m back at that tree again. Every year I feel like I’m getting incredibly close to the hourglass running empty. I wanted to try and break into Voice Acting in my early 20′s and I had a plan to run off and give it a shot. Of course, in the end I chose not to and I did it for the dumbest reasons. I was going to join something called Americorp, which would have sent me across America and helped communities. More importantly, it would have made me deal with all sorts of people and truly expand my network of those I know. The plan was to try and join the military, a third attempt, afterwards to see if I could finally get in, have a potential career path, and pay for college.

At the last minute, a combination of abandoning a crush and the joy of getting my first apartment with some friends caused me to abandon the idea. It felt like a tough decision and I knew I had weighed it improperly. I had been approved and all I had to do was say yes and it would have been about a year of work. There’s an age limit to Americorp and I had literally just squeezed in under it. So I chose not to and now I’ll never have an opportunity like that again. But it’s okay because there’s so many people out there that have never done it and never will and they get along fine. Living on regrets is not a way to live.

After a year in the apartment, I further discovered it was truly one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made. I made a new really good friend, but I lost an older good one and found out a whole group of the new friends I had made weren’t true friends and were very temporary. I found love out of the situation at least and that made me a little more happy in this future to settle with. I decided to abandon my dreams of escape, a combination of fear and keeping the status quo.Yet as time went on, I constantly found myself at the crossroads. This time, every decision meant leaving the tree and standing before the tree itself was now a choice I hadn’t considered. I thought maybe I could still stay here and find something that spoke to me. I thought maybe I could live here and still travel out to another job, that being a flight attendant could do it.

My ego would be struck a fatal blow as I finally put as much effort as I could muster into it to discover I don’t have what it takes. All the flight agencies were taking on new Flight Attendants but I was no longer desirable, if I had ever been. My age was catching up with me. My mistakes were haunting me. I am once again at that tree, but now I’m starting to see I’ve taken roots. I need to break them.

I need to break my roots, I need to break free, I need to take risks, I need to stop writing about what I need to do and I need to just do it. I need to decide if I want to go into the Military if this time works. I need to decide if I want to just up and move to the middle of nowhere to try and make new roots and just go full blown non-stop machine pursuing that career of voice acting. I still want to go to college, but do I have time? Can I postpone it another 4 years? Can I go to college in California, Washington, or New York? I need to practice, I need to make demos, I need to network and watch for openings. I need to do something and I need motivation. How do you gain motivation?

I feel like I don’t know what to do because in life there are no right answers. I mean, at some points there were right answers and I chose wrong. I waited way too long to truly wake up to what I’ve been sitting on. At this age, can I escape my burnout? No solution is a happy solution. I hurt myself or I hurt others, there’s never a scenario that hurts no one. I hate being on a plan when I’m never solid in what I want. Except to Voice Act. I may have given up sometimes, but not because I don’t want to Voice Act, but because I feel like I can’t professionally. I don’t want to make a ton of money, I just want to enjoy making art and doing voices and have a place I can comfortably call home. I want to belong somewhere. I need my motivation to stay alive. I need to practice and not worry about other people seeing it as something to be part of. To jump in and bother and subtract from what I’m doing. I want to just speak aloud. Like when I play D&D.