#that’s an episode that does not need to be a Randy episode

[ind1exo]

- Newbie Seasons Edition -

[fxckin-blackbeard]

Which Rage Language are you?

step back usually, you're able to bottle up your emotions and ignore the frustrations. but, after weeks of shoving everything down, your body needs a release, and i pity the poor person who managed to piss you off. it's screaming crying, shouting, kicking lockers, whatever you can do to get it out of your system. it's a whole jean grey moment, fire and fury blasting out of you.

tagged by: @avastyetwats tagging: @lighthousepyrate and anyone else who would like to!

[lambswrathblog]

people like to say that jackie wasn't meant to live in the wilderness or that she wouldn't accept the killing/cannibalism that happens during winter but i actually think the opposite.

S1E2 jackie is willing to let van, her friend and teammate, burn to death screaming "help me! help me! i can't breathe!"

it's not for revenge, or something that jackie does out of anger, but none of the violence during winter is either. jackie's willing to let van die if that's the price to make sure that shauna will live. "for the record, i was trying to save you. i thought that..."

S1E6 jackie watches shauna feeling dizzy, almost passing out "whoa. hey, hey, hey. you okay?" and it's all very simple "yeah, i'm just hungry."

she gives shauna her last piece of meat. it's the only food jackie has and she gives it to shauna with a smile on her face. we know jackie is just as hungry as shauna, this scene literally starts with jackie talking about just how hungry she is, but it doesn't matter anymore when it comes to taking care of shauna. "you need it more than me. here. just take it."

still on S1E6, natalie and travis (the hunters, the ones in charge of bringing the meat) make their relationship public to the others, after coming back from a hunt empty-handed. that's the first time we see jackie being actually angry and agressive "is this why we don't have any food? 'cause you've been too busy running for mayor of pound town?" and "i guess we shouldn't be surprised. nat's always down for a good time, right?"

this scene happens two minutes after the one where jackie watches as shauna almost passes out from hunger (and jackie's not even wrong because nat and travis do spend some time making out instead of looking for food). the show is sending a clear message here that jackie is just as capable as the other girls to be agressive and angry and do violent things, not for her own survival but for shauna's.

S1E7 "you're obviously hiding something from me, and it's making me feel crazy!" and "are you really gonna keep something from me out here? what did i do? when did you stop wanting me to be your best friend?" again shows how much jackie cares about shauna, to a point of feeling jealous when she thinks shauna is trying to replace her with taissa.

the famous "you lost your virginity without telling me." is followed by a "don't worry, we're gonna get through this together." when shauna reveals she's pregnant. you can see jackie isn't mad because she "wants to have full control of shauna's life", as shauna herself believes. jackie is hurt by shauna not telling her because jackie always tells shauna everything, from what we can see from the pilot until the finale of season 1.

still on S1E7, after "when did this happen? how could i possibly have missed it?" shauna says "i have a life outside of you, you know?" and we can see jackie's expression is similar to the one in the pilot episode.

(S1E1 "i just thought you'd want to know somebody asked about you." and "shauna, just wear the red dress i gave you. the boob dress." which leads to "maybe i don't wanna wear the red dress and i sure as hell don't want to hook up with randy fucking walsh!")

in the pilot we can see how much shauna is misunderstanding jackie's actions. while jackie thinks she's being kind and helping shauna, trying to make her happy, shauna seems to be thinking "what? so jackie thinks i'm so pathetic that she needs to sell me disgusting randy fucking walsh so i won't be by myself? what, she thinks i can't find my own boyfriends?"

after shauna's outburst, the audience can see jackie's expression (confused, hurt) but shauna's too busy, looking for something to wear for the party, to see it too. later, jackie is the one to ask "are-are we cool?" as if she's the one who did something wrong.

on S1E7 it's similar ("when did this happen? how could i possibly have missed it?" / "i have a life outside of you, you know?")

jackie blames herself for not paying enough attention to shauna, for missing such an important moment in her best friend's life. but shauna thinks jackie means something different, like "how could shauna shipman find someone to have sex with without my help? how could she possibly lose her virginity before i did?"

and, once again, in S1E7 the audience can see jackie's expression (confused, hurt) but shauna's too busy looking away, stuck inside her own head, to notice what's right in front of her.

after reading shauna's journals at the end of S1E7 to look for some answers, we can see that jackie stops eating ("jax, you have to eat." / "why? what does it matter as this point?") and, instead of fighting shauna, instead of screaming at her, jackie pretends she doesn't know anything and tries to push shauna to say something ("what if this is it, shauna? everything we did, everything we didn't do. all the mistakes that we made, it's, like, permanent." / "what mistakes did you make? everybody loved you.")

jackie scoffs after shauna says "everybody loved you." because it really doesn't seem like it is true. all the yellowjackets make fun of jackie behind her back from episode 3, all of the girls turn their backs on jackie when she's the one who was being lied to, jackie's boyfriend (the one who said he loved her the day before the crash, the one who made jackie feel guilty for not saying i love you back) was cheating on her and, worst of all, the "best friend i've ever had" sees jackie as "so obsessed with yourself, i'm surprised you're aware other people even exist." and not just that but also "you tell me what to wear, what to do, who to hook up with. i don't even like soccer!" shauna literally blames jackie for being stuck in the wilderness, probably something that she also wrote on her journal.

"did i force you to live in my shadow, shauna?" when, to the audience, it seems more like jackie is shauna's puppy, always willing to drop everything for her, without shauna even having to ask.

"i'm sure everyone back home is so fucking sad to be losing their perfect little princess, but they'll never know how tragic and boring and insecure you really are. or how high school was the best your life was ever gonna get." and it hurts because, even if it wasn't true, shauna says everything like she means it, because she does. it comes from a place so deep inside her, a place of years and years staying quiet while feeling mad at jackie for things that weren't even true to begin with. shauna doesn't miss a second, she screams and she insults and she snaps at jackie the way we know shauna always dreamed of doing.

but jackie isn't actually mean, she doesn't hate shauna, she doesn't look down on shauna the way shauna does to her, so jackie doesn't actually have anything to say aside from "how could you?" she has to quote beaches so she'll have something to say.

i truly think that if shauna opened up to jackie and told her the truth, about jeff and about how shauna truly feels, how jackie makes shauna feel like i believe jackie would be really hurt and mad at first but, eventually, she'd forgive shauna.

if shauna hadn't broken jackie's heart, if jackie hadn't given up and stopped eaten, i do believe that jackie would not only be willing to cannibalize someone but i think she'd be the one to think about it first.

if jackie and javi, i don't know, were walking to clean the shit bucket or something and javi fell into the lake i do believe jackie would let him die.

the same way jackie was willing to let van burn to death if that meant shauna was safe, jackie would let javi drown if that meant shauna would survive the winter.

[kennytheworkingclasshero]

Alongside Stan, we've also seen Kenny experience addiction issues. Most notably in the episode Major Boobage, where he spends the majority of the time favouring the escapism that cat pee offers him from his day to day life. Kenny is often spending his time taking care of his sister, dealing with his parents' own inebriation and their tendencies towards domestic abuse, as well as having to go through painful deaths over and over again. The relief and happiness he feels when he is able to go into another world, where he is experiencing the things that he loves (good looking women, obviously), is enough to make him do it again and again (despite how worried his friends are).

This is similar to Stan, as seen in Ass Burgers when he has to come to terms with his parents divorce, as well as developing depression and a sense of cynicism in the world. He takes to alcohol very easily in order to numb the pain and be able to make it through his day.

Kenny and Stan are both victims of addiction being passed down genetically; Kenny with his parents being addicts and Stan with his father and grandfather being addicts. However, I do think their reactions to addiction is very different, and it all comes down to the environment in which they were raised.

For Kenny, he grew up with two parents who were very clearly addicts. There was no hiding it, they were always drunk or high and their kids knew that. Kenny as Mysterion even asked them to stop getting high as frequently as they do, which is seen in the episode Mysterion Rises when Carol says they did what he asked and they "stopped gettin' high every night." Kenny has deep rooted trauma which stems from his parents addiction and what happens because of it, like neglect and domestic violence. That is why when Gerald is giving his speech at the end of Major Boobage and he says "Problem is, the more you go into that world, the more you need to go. Until you start blowing off all the real people who care about you." Kenny resonates with this, looking down guiltily and saying to himself "Yeah, I guess so."

Him and his siblings experience this everyday and that has real material effects on their lives. This is seen in The Poor Kid when the McCormick siblings are taken into foster care because of their parents neglect. Karen asks why her mom and dad went to jail and Kenny replies with sentiments that are similar to Geralds speech, of them "blowing off" the people that care for them in real life; "Sometimes, people do stupid things. Sometimes they don't realize what should have come first. Until it's too late."

He doesn't want to become like his parents, he wants to put his family (and more specifically, his little sister) first. Because she's all he's got, because he has taken on the role of her caregiver due to his parents struggle with addiction. If he gives into his own 'needs', who will be there for her? That is why he restrains himself and that is why the way he has been brought up, despite being surrounded by addicts from a young age, has made him want to distance himself from substances.

This is not to say that Stan's upbringing didn't have an effect on his addiction, but the Marshes are able to put on the front of a more put together family due to their economic status, in a way the McCormick's simply cannot. They are middle class, Randy has a good job, they live on the 'good' side of town. Randy is a terrible father and an idiot, who doesn't put much effort into his family members lives, but he is a functioning alcoholic. It is easier to hide and therefore, Stan's trauma is not as clearly linked to substances and addiction as Kenny's is. Stan also does not hold much responsibility for other family members in the way that Kenny does and because of this, it is easier for him to fall into his addiction in the way Kenny isn't. Stan isn't even particularly introduced to alcohol by his father, but rather a group of cynics.

However, this does not absolve Randy from his responsibility for his son's addiction or trauma. It still stems from Randy, but it also functions differently from Kenny's.

[bensonsknuckles]

a list of moments and character details from the unfinished ranson groupie au that i’ve been thinking about since december:

- randy wants to look cool and tough to fit in with the crowds at benson’s shows and impress him, so he pierces his ears and paints his nails black before a gig. benson laughs in his face but probably enjoys getting to pull at the earrings with his teeth.

- on a similar note, randy has been promising himself since he started listening to benson’s music as a teenager that if he ever gets to meet benson he’ll have him sign randy’s bare skin and get the autograph tattooed (he does not know the word parasocial). benson hates the idea but it does spark a possessive urge in him and, once they start hooking up, he convinces randy to just let him mark him up constantly instead. the bruises fade but they can always be replaced.

- benson is still his violent, undone self, only somewhat mitigated by a consistent outlet for his anger and not having to work in customer service for minimum wage. the easy early access to drugs, the demands of his career, and the crushing weight of expectation from others (something canon benson has no taste of) just push him over the edge in other ways. he flies between long bouts of depressed withdrawal from the world and manic episodes where he’s reckless with his own wellbeing to the point of self harm, ODing in the back of tour buses or speeding drunk through the streets of various cities. if he’s a big enough artist to get papped, he definitely has assault charges for attacking paparazzi, and if not he’s probably at least beaten unsavoury members of his crowds to a bloody pulp before. he makes angry loud music that fans mosh to, but the idea of being in the pit himself makes him want to vomit. he does not like fan interactions.

- randy is a highkey stalker hellbent on finding out everything he can about benson’s life and background. I think the kicker would be that they do still come from the same sad shit town; maybe benson even briefly worked at burgers during his teens/early 20s before his career took off, and maybe that’s why randy works there, copping abuse from chris and customers daily but just desperate enough to take what echoes of benson he can get that he sticks it out.

- at first, when his career started blowing up, benson sent every cent home to his ma as a sort of apology for being gone for work all the time, for being him. he paid off her medical debt, bought her a nice new house in a better area, thought about the ways he could make her finally happy, finally proud. she didn’t move in, claimed she had everything she needed already, and what was she gonna do with all that space to herself when he never has time to visit anyway? in the end, the house sits pristine and empty while benson’s childhood home falls apart around her. he can’t bring himself to sell it. he’s not sure she’s ever listened to one of his songs.

[bronx-bomber87]

Hello incredible fandom and readers :) My heart is so sad this is the second to last episode already. This flew by so fast it's insane. I seriously can't believe it. I have zero idea the wait we will have to endure for the hiatus. We shall see at Upfronts this year. That's my assumption anyways about where those details will be. Anyways I liked most of the episode except for the Randy stuff. He's just not my cup of tea.

I would honestly take more Rodge than him if i'm being honest. I know he seems to be a favorite for some though. So no disrespect to those who do enjoy him. I'm glad they got an episode with him in it. This is an ensemble cast and all and should be treated as such. But for me I cringe anytime I watch him. He's a bit much for my liking. That being said besides him it was a solid episode in terms of ensemble and all that.

Shawn really has crushed the opportunities he's gotten this year. So glad he's gotten more screen time. Also I'll take me some 'Harpez'. all day. I legit just found out that's their melded names and I love it haha Bad ass mama's getting it done. Never complain to see Alyssa and Mekia on my screen. This one will be shorter than last week for sure since our content was low but good nonetheless. Let us start on this ep shall we?

7x17 Mutiny and Bounty

We start off with an incredibly anxious Lucy. The Sergeants exam results are coming out today. Melissa always does such a good job conveying emotion through her body language alone. I wanna just hug the stress out of her. Or have Tim do that....It's radiating out of her. Luckily Celina has an issue she can focus on. Something to distract her immense stress. Kind of like the last time in 6x03 when Tim used the day to distract her.

What I loved about this episode were the parallels I noticed, especially in comparison to her detective exam. In s6 it was Tim having her co-train Celina with him. Now it's Celina inadvertently distracting her with her Rodge problem. Just fun full circle stuff I appreciated. Lucy needing this and jumping on the train to help her pick something out. She would've helped anyways, but doesn't hurt it also serves as a much needed distraction.

Only reason I picked out this scene to do was Lucy's replies. I loved them so much. Also gives so much insight into what she wants out of a relationship. Her saying she likes getting to know shared values and goals. No doubt that is something her and Tim most definitely have in common. For the most part lol Whether they had a convo like that when they were dating idk. I assume they did on some level. Her following that up with women just want to be listened to. Ding ding ding. 10 points to Lucy Chen. That's legit all we want is to be heard. Valued of course but to have healthy communication is paramount. It's why Chenford fell apart the first time.

It was their fractured communication as a couple that ultimately pulled them apart. It's also why this entire season's slow burn has been so important. To slowly rebuild that communication between them. To rebuild them in general. So when they do get back together they'll be stronger for it. So that they can move towards an engagement and marriage when they reunite. This season preps them for those next stages in a way they weren't ready for before. So that communication she's talking about, that feeling of being heard, it’s a big part of why Tim has been so successful with her this year. How he's inched his way back into her life.

That open and honest communication he's demonstrated is everything. It's a promise when they reunite that their communication will be better. So suffice to say Tim has been fulfilling that need quite well this season. Not only that but truly listening to her. Never once shaming her for spiraling or sharing. Only building her up when she does. Being a rock and a listening one at that. When they finally reconcile, it’s going to feel so worth it because we watched them slowly rebuild, piece by piece, all season long. Lucy saying it's the foundation of a real relationship. She is spot on. Also that's been this entire season for them. Tim rebuilding that foundation with her. Rebuilding their foundation.

Tim Bradford in a suit. Mmm gimme. I will take this all day long. Thank you writers. *fans self* They’ve taken care of me Tim wise this season phew lord. I am well fed. Man wears the hell out of suit. Good Lord I can't get enough of it. I'm a very happy girl with this brief shot of him in it. I also love this scene for the Miles/Tim of it all. It's so cute.

Oh Texas, your metaphors are so out there. Like you're speaking another language my friend. LOL Tim's reply of ignoring the country commentary haha Tim is all business and Miles is bright eyed and bushy tailed. Their dynamic is so good I love it so much. It gives off some of the same vibes as his relationship with Aaron IMO. Miss you Aaron. Del Monte loving his spirit and attitude. Says his personality can go a long way with a jury.

Tim ending it with 'Not with your T.O. though.' lol Oh Timothy, wouldn't be you without a little bit of your hard edge. Like his work, kid, he has to make sure he stays on track, despite the compliment. Doesn't want it to affect him in his questioning. Did love the opposing lawyer saying it was too much handsome in one hallway. HA He wasn't wrong.... They're all very good looking men. Deric is like 35 and not in his early 20s like I thought. So I don't have to feel weird about thinking he's an attractive man LOL

We rejoin Celina's birthday crisis about Rodge. This is giving me 2x04 vibes. Lucy is adorable and says they need to call some "experts." The boys. Seeing if they can give any insight into what a man would want. Now this cracked me up because Tim was of course going to bomb this. He is an expert in all things Lucy Chen. There is zero doubt. It reflected in every gift he gave her while they were together. They were tailored to her and thoughtful af. Asking his opinion on a guy he barely knows? He's gonna give S2 clueless answers LOL I love you Tim haha

His reply is so Tim Bradford. I am dying laughing. 'Whisky and a good cigar.' My old man being an old man. haha I love him so much I cannot. I do adore her going to Tim for this though. He’s been her go to a lot lately and I’m here for it. Their banter taking over for a moment. Lucy, giving him crap, saying, 'That’s what you would give a father-in-law, not a twenty-something man.' She's not wrong.....Better hold onto that idea though Lucy, if you guys ever have a daughter and some guy tries to impress Tim with a gift. That'll be his in with Tim birthday wise. Well maybe lol

Miles chimes in like the precious little nugget he is. Asking what his love language is? They land on a song and Tim is not about it. Saying he's professional. It'll never work. My goodness Timothy. You only have a romantic sense of things when it's Lucy I swear. lmao Miles is even cuter when he says doesn't have to be perfect. Just heartfelt. It's true. Anything like that is always warmly received like that. Truly come to love Miles so much. So glad he's full time next year.

They return to the station and Lucy is bursting. Knowing they are possibly walking toward her results. She is so pent up Lucy calls Tim 'Bradford'. Whoa. Holy hell. I can’t remember a time she’s ever called him by his last name alone…Someone can correct me if she has but I can’t remember one right now. Basically shouts his name at him. Catching his attention immediately. She adds a soft. "Hi.' to soften the blow a bit. Not that it does any good, because Tim’s already bracing himself for whatever storm is coming his way lol

I do love Tim’s response asking what he did? haha Such a husband response my love. Celina explains what's going on. Sadly Tim has to be the one to tell her the crappy news. That the results are delayed...Not exactly the info she needed in this moment. She loses it and takes off. Leaving a baffled Tim in her wake. The way he turns to her as she takes off. My heart. Wishing there was something he could do. But only being friends right now all he can is let her walk it off. *sigh*

I love Tim showing up for the unveiling. Because of course he does. Been the name of the game the entire season for him. To show up for her. Also hello yummy street clothes Tim. Mmm. Had to note this before we move on. It was necessary. heh. Tim being sassy with his opening line to her. Knowing maybe some banter might calm her nerves. Lucy doesn't have time for cute banter right now though lol Just cuts to the quick with Tim. Asking why they haven't posted them yet? Tim kicks into gear immediately. Showing up the way he has all year long for her.

By being a positive light that builds her up. Won't let any self doubt creep in. Or self deprecation. Letting her know that no matter what she's going to be ok. This doesn't define her in any way. That she is a bad ass regardless of what that paper says. What I love about this is he's there. I was talking about parallels to her detective exam earlier. This a hugely positive one. Tim is there this time. He is there no matter the outcome. Last time she was alone in her initial grief. Alone in finding out the result. Grey was there but wasn't exactly comforting.

She needed her person there. And he is this time. Even though she can't handle his blind optimism right now, you know she is happy he is there to dispense it. To be a pillar of strength while she freaks out. This is exactly what she was telling Randy earlier. Women just want to be heard and that's what Tim is doing. Isn't judging her one bit. Just letting her get it all out right now. Because he knows her. This is how she processes things. Grey appears and tells to breathe LOL

Grey posts the results and she can't do it. Can't check it. Clearly having some PTSD from 6x03. Can't say I blame her. Lucy having Tim check for her is amazing. Of course he’s gonna take that bullet for her. He’d do anything for this woman. Literally anything. If this is what she needs, then he’s going to give her exactly that. No questions asked. Lucy stops him then lets him go quickly after. It's adorable.

Our nervous little bean. Tim cracks me up with his expression. Shaking his head at her indecisiveness. You love her Timothy. Neurosis and all haha His little sigh before he turns around gave me a heart attack. But it was purposeful so she got the full effect as she walked up and saw the results. Loved him calling her by name. *heart clutch*

Tim telling her to go look. Lucy clutching her tattoo on her walk up. I love watching Tim in the background. Making eye contact with Grey before setting his sights back on his girl. Wanting to soak in her reaction. He is all but beaming she passed. Transparent Tim exuding unwavering pride throughout this whole scene. His sweet smiles kills me. He couldn't be prouder of her if he tried. Heart eyes to boot. Look at our girl. Not only did she pass but she was top of the class. Of course she was. I'm so damn proud of her myself. Another positive parallel to her Detective's exam. She killed it and then some.

She did this for her and no one else and it paid off. God did she need this win. Especially after the emotional beatdown she got in s6. Jesus. I feel like I can breathe again for her regarding her career. This is a HUGE game changer for her. Oh my lord. She needs a new #1 trophy now Tim hehe Lucy achieving everything Tim knew she was capable of in both s6 and now. Finally seeing that come to fruition is a beautiful thing. Tim breaking Lucy out of her revere with his reply. 'Typical A student.' What a puppy. So in love. At this point, he’s basically a walking love letter for her. Just look at that man.

I love her turning around and seeing the absolute love and pride splashed across his handsome face. Lucy saying 'I did it.' Tim having the best reply back. 'Of course you did it.' No one believes in Lucy Chen more than that man standing behind her. He has been a walking/talking billboard of that all year. Tim KNEW she aced it last week. They just had to wait a torturous week and some to get that result. Grey lets her know she can use it right away. Lucy checking in with Tim and he looks just as shocked as her there's an opening there.

It's the night shift LOL Well it’s better than nothing Lucy. ha Also it is MUCH better than her having to possibly transfer. Thank God we're not going down that route. That was my absolute first worry when Grey said she was open to use it ASAP. Luckily it's just the night shift. She cracks me up asking if it's possible to trade? haha Wade shutting her down immediately 'No.' That had me laughing so hard. It is a start if nothing else Sergeant Chen. Gah, I love writing that. Makes me so damn happy I could cry. I'm so happy with this path for her.

No one deserved this win more than her. Last season was SO hard to watch. It killed me. Chenford was a massive proponent of it. Don't get me wrong. But to watch Lucy struggle so much emotionally and professionally. Ugh. I hated it. She lost everything last year. Legit everything. Now she's on the road to regain it all back. This is such a massive triumph for her. Lucy could not be cuter turning around and holding her new rank patches. Tim can hardly contain how proud he is of her. He looks at her with such reverence I could squee to death. It's like she’s the most remarkable thing he’s ever seen. Because well. She is.

I would be red as hell if I had Tim looking at me like that. Phew Lord. Just look at his smile Fandom. Oh my word. Transparent Tim reporting for duty. Lucy couldn't be cuter holding up her patches to him when we pan back to her. It's here we watch Tim's face form into something more serious. It's all in his eyes if you ask me. Knowing what those patches now represent. Gah the LOADED LOOKS. They're so intense Lucy has to turn away from him with a giggle. What a lead up to the finale. We are in for quite the ride next week. I can feel it. I can't wait.

Speaking of the finale. That promo. Oh my. Celina asking Lucy if there is going to be more Tim around now? I can't wait for that scene. Love Tim saying he wants to be respectful because he’s the one who broke her heart. Gah, the growth everyone. I'm dead. Angela isn't wrong. The longer he waits the more it's going to break her heart. Now I've said this all season long for the most part. I do think it needs to be Lucy to be the one to go for it. Tim went for it in 5x08 when she was too scared to risk what they had. He was the one who took the leap of faith. I think now it's Tim who is scared to go for it. The way he hesitates in the promo to text her is screaming that.

As we can see above Tim is still respecting her boundaries to the nth degree here. That is of the utmost importance to him. Post-therapy Tim wants her agency to be respected and adhered to. So I think it has to be Lucy to break this cycle they're in. Tim seems pretty set in respecting Lucy where she is at. He’s spent the entire season laying his heart down for her for to see, showing her exactly what he wants and just how deeply he cares. Never pushing his luck because as he says in the promo. He was the one who broke her heart. She's a Sergeant now, there is literally nothing keeping them apart anymore.

I think the ball is firmly in her court IMO. Tim won’t make a move unless Lucy shows that same deep desire to be with him in this ep. I could be wrong. But I would prefer Lucy to be the one to do it personally. Now I won't be against Tim fighting to get her back in the finale instead. That is a road I am happy to go down as well. I have no need to be right. As fun as it it lol We all want reconciliation no matter the form is comes in. It'll be fun to see how the finale goes down. Which way happens. They're either going to be reconciled or it's going to be a cliffhanger alluding to it. Idk which. (hopefully the former) That's the fun part if you ask me in not knowing.

I know nothing of this finale. Won't even read the description. Spoiler free square right here. I don't like having expectations from my interpretation of spoilers or descriptions. Takes the fun out of it for me. Also it's much better to go in with zero expectations and see what happens. If you were wondering why I avoid spoilers that's it. But that is just me. Also get to see what my final bingo card looks and have to post that later on. I will enjoy that for sure. Anyways Thank you forever and always to my readers who like, comment (come chat with me it's so much fun haha), and reblog these. They make my day in a way I can't put into words. Shall see you all in the finale :)

~~~~~

Side notes-non Chenford

Ooof that scene with Harper’s mom. It explains her career choices tbh. To feel you weren't prepared for the world. So she immersed herself in a world where she would see how it really is and how to adapt to it. Probably a tad overkill with UC but it makes sense why she chose that honestly.

I enjoyed Lopez's mom and Nyla's being besties. That was hilariously adorable.

Field Tim always sexy if you ask me. I'll take that all damn day.

Tim being adorable af with Kike Hernandez. Turned into a little boy and it was precious.

Really enjoyed Wes's SL. Shawn has knocked it out of the park this year with the stuff they've given him. Glad they're using him more. I hope he gets the same treatment next season too. Loved Angela getting protective of him. Saying if he was threatened Cop-Wife is coming out to play lol They cute.

Also Del-Monte is a bad ass the way he protected his kid holy shit. Well done sir.

[marjoriestotch]

Pls give me your opinions and headcanons about Shelley Marsh

Hooo boy. Where do I begin.

I love Shelly Marsh, and she's an incredibly underrated character within the fanbase and also within the show itself.

It is no secret Trey Parker based Shelly off of his own sister, and his portrayal early on of her is meant to mock his sister and also express his turbulent relationship with her when they were children. He talks in detail in the season 1 commentary track of how his sister used to beat and bully him, so obviously the character Shelly within South Park isn't portrayed favourably. (He also describes with glee on how people in real life mock his sister knowing of the reference of her in South Park, which he says did annoy her. I have feelings about that on it's own but it's besides the point.) She's ugly, anti-social, friendless, a bully, violent, etc.

Though I do want to say that Trey's view on Shelly as a character did seem to shift early on, what with Cat Orgy portraying Shelly as a sympathetic victim, a lonely girl, who is starving for love. I would give Trey a lot more merit for that if that episode isn't then followed up with a huge gap of Shelly having next to no prominence in the show.

I believe that Trey Parker and maybe also Matt Stone started to take a little more interest in Shelly in recent years due to having daughters of their own, wanting and being able to flesh her out more and give an actual relationship to Randy who the show very blatantly states has treated Stan as his only child for many years. I hope they do continue with this trend of Shelly having more prominence - we had her be the inciting incident for Tegridy Farms, being more vocal about her unhappiness being there, her hatred for weed, her terribly relationship with Randy, her interest in music and social media, and Randy seemingly expressing more interest in her.

As for the fandom...I get exhausted if I have to think about how the fandom has treated her for decades. No, she is not the golden child. She is the one who is neglected and forgotten.

Randy outright forgets Shelly exists, and a recent example of Randy cropping Shelly out of the photo they took with the Black family during The Big Fix. Even Sharon neglects her, doting mostly on Stan, which Shelly expresses in her outburst during the season 19 finale. We never see Shelly taken to the doctor or to a therapist (which she desperately needs) when Sharon and Randy rush Stan to both multiple times during the show.

A lot of the time Shelly does not exist within fanart or fanfiction, it really is as if Stan is just an only child. Shelly is nowhere to be seen within or outside of the household, and damned do we find out what she's up to when Stan reaches adulthood. It's Shelly, right, who cares? I care. It upsets me.

I feel they toss her aside because Trey Parker did for many years, which, uh, is not a good excuse in my opinion. There are fans who cling onto s1-3 single episode only characters for DECADES while Shelly had more prominent and genuinely touching moments in that same time frame and beyond. I think we're all afraid to just admit that it's due to misogyny, and I don't want to hear that well South Park is a misogynistic show (and it is) when Trey Parker himself has expressed and provenly demonstrated he is interested in writing female characters more within the show. How are you doing worse than TREY PARKER at writing female characters? Embarrasssing. (That could be a whole post on its own, I digress.)

I feel like I could ramble on and on about this forever, and it's kinda getting exhausting lol, so I'll try and segue into the headcanons.

A recent headcanon I had has to do with Shelly's clear interest in Wicked since we saw her posters of it in her room. Though before this I did imagine Shelly to be averse to the musical given what had happened with Larry, I wonder if perhaps she clings onto the musical in memory of her short lived romance with Larry is one of the reasons she loves it so much. I like to imagine she heavily relates to Elphaba, and that her and Cartman like to act out the songs together with Cartman acting as Glinda (picture his tooth fairy princess costume reused for the Glinda role.)

Adding onto that, while, yes, we don't see them interacting all that much after Cat Orgy, I still like to think that Shelly and Cartman are friends, even distantly, because they bonded over the events in that episode.

Speaking of those events, this fandom glosses over MANY of Shelly's traumas, and being groomed by Skylar is one of them. It frustrates me to no end that we have people in the fandom pontificate over sexual assaults in the show (which are often played comedically) but ignore Shelly outright because she's just not one of the boys. Shelly was groomed by a grown man at 13, and is neglected to the point that none of her family has noticed. We watch him kiss her and grope her, which always makes me feel uncomfortable, much more than any other instances of assault on the show, because it feels so REAL.

Continuing on that, TO THIS DAY Shelly has a picture of Skylar framed in her room. Again, her family isn't shown to wonder why she has this photo or ask her who he is, nothing. The reason I think Shelly clings to this photo of the man who groomed and abused her is because, yes, what he did IS ABUSE, in Shelly's mind, he is the only person who found her desirable, wanted to kiss her, introduced her to his friends and made music with her (which she's clearly passionate about.) Yes, we have Larry, who I miss dearly, but their relationship was unfortunately short lived before any real romance could bloom. And, well, Amir was a boy she talked to online. Skylar, you see, was her first and only real boyfriend, and I think she clings onto that photo to remind herself that maybe she can be loved romantically, which I know is twisted and incredibly sad, but thats just what Shelly is to me.

Speaking of Amir, I like to think Shelly is a little chronically online. We always either see her on her phone or she's reading books (which I'll talk about in a second) when she's not at the dinner table. She has online friends she bonds over music, books, movies and maybe over their own struggles as teenagers. It's an escapism for Shelly when it seems like she's isolated from most of South Park for being known as the ugly bully of her little brother.

She clearly has an affinity for music, I like to think she loves both girl pop (Lorde, Miley Cyrus, etc) while also having an affinity to that teenage girl alternative music (The Smiths, which me and my hubby @bullborn have discussed in great lengths.) She wants to sing! She wants to get lost in daydreaming to music in her room.

Her room is also interesting because we often see horse posters in it, so clearly she is a horse girl of a sort. I'm sure when she was younger she would've learned to love horse riding, but Stan always took priority, so she's left daydreaming with her horesgirl novels and movies.

Shelly is just a very feminine girl, you guys. She loves pink, LOVES pink, loves flowers, loves Live Laugh Love posters, loves pink hearts, rainbows, butterflies, loves girl magazines, just everything girly girl. Even though she is tough, strong, and abrasive, she still has a clear soft feminine side to her that maybe she's afraid to express, what with keeping all this in her room where she feels safe from ridicule and to upkeep her bad reputation.

My favorite part of Marsh family dinners isn't Randy, Sharon and Stan arguing, but watching Shelly and Grandpa Marvin Marsh eat quietly together. I like to think they did have a close relationship, which only lasted briefly before Marvin was taken to an elderly home. I think Marvin still loves Shelly dearly, which is painful when you remember how he wanted to buy her jewelry even though she's outgrown any interest in them. I think it must have hurt Shelly to see the one family member she had a positive relationship with go.

I like to imagine Shelly moving out as soon as she can and going straight for an apartment in a city. She wants to get away from it all, start fresh. Good for her.

Speaking of growing up, I am a sucker for an ugly duckling story for Shelly, where she loses her head gear and grows into her face and body and becomes a beautiful woman, which can be symbolic of her growing out from under a toxic household and reaching her full potential.

I've recently considered that she would become pescetarian, sharing Stan's belief in anti-animal cruelty, etc.

I think Shelly's love of reading is also a form of escapism for her as well as a trait of her more loner self.

I headcanon her as being bisexual and you can't argue with me cuz actually is it true.

This headcanon is moreso my hubby, @bullborn , but I'll say it here. I do like to imagine she was also a girl scout as Stan was a boy scout, being a leader of her den to boot.

Despite everything that I've said before, we finally did get a reveal of Shelly's friend group during the Obesity special (I don't know what the actual name of it is and I don't care 🙄). I want to know more about them!! I doubt we'll get any real depth to them beyond that small appearance. Can we as a fandom turn them into ocs with their own fanlore. Please. I beg.

And I'll tap this off with my list of Shelly ships even though no one asked.

I love Shelly/Scot Tenorman (yes him, again thanks to hubby @bullborn), and Shelly/Tammy Warner, Shelly/Kenny McCormick, and finally....big shocker I know.....Shelly/Tolkien Black. This me coming out with that, I guess. Oh and I do like Shelly/Kevin McCormick, but it's more so platonic thanks to @bullborn 's influence.

And yes I spell her name Shelly. I'm sorry.

If you want me to elaborate on anything go ahead and ask! Hopefully this is a good enough answer for now

[simplyzeeka]

Episode 4. Season 1

Empty Promises

Does your mind play this game too?

Think 'bout me and you?

I guess I'll just pretend, until it all makes sense

Hmm-mm-hmm, hmm-hmm

Warnings: MDNI!! Profanity, adult themes.

Summary: Lost charms and empty promises bring Syrae and Terry to a conclusion that mends a very heavy problem, which leaves Syrae gripping on hope that does nothing to soothe her worries.

Previously on Something Seasonal

There's nothing Syrae hated more than losing things. She believed she was a careful and responsible person, wouldn't compromise her belongings to where they could get lost. And when she did lose something, it messed up the rest of her day, week he'll even months before it was found.

“Are you sure it ain't in your bag?” resonated Broisa's voice from the other end of the line.

Syrae balanced her phone between her head and shoulder as she filled her entire apartment upside down. “Didn't you just hear me say that it ain't?”

She snapped, dropping the pillow that rested in her clenched hands.

“Okay, calm down, Rae. We gon’ find it.” Broisa assured with a resigned sigh.

It had been days since Syrae lost the small and old charm she always kept with her. Broisa had yet to know the importance the charm held to Syrae, all she knew was that the woman always had it on her, and would flip everything upside down to find it, as she was at that moment.

Syrae could only exhale at the failed attempt of Broisa’s comfort. She plopped herself down on her sofa, resting her head in her hand. She let her fingers thread through her tangled coils, scratching against her scalp, flakes of dandruff collecting under her nails. She needed to wash her hair today.

“Let's talk bout somethin’ else. You coming to work today?” Syrae deflected.

Broisa hummed into the line, the sound of stirring against ceramic filling Syrae’s ears. Syrae concluded that she was making her afternoon tea. Broisa would drink tea in unbearable heat, and Syrae always judged her for that.

“Mhm, sure is. It's gon’ be busy tonight, might get more than a few bands tonight.”

Syrae nodded and hummed at that. It was a special event at the strip club. It was Randy's birthday, the owner of the club and Syrae’s boss.

“Girl yes, I might be able to get the place I been saving up for.”

His birthday bash was always something he threw every year. The club was usually packed because entrance fees were cheaper.

“Amen to that, hopefully I’ma get enough to move out of this shitty place.” Syrae hummed in agreement, her shoulder sagging in anticipation of that thought alone.

She’d been wanting to move out of her shitty apartment for some time now. Stripping only did so much to handle bills, especially with sixty percent of her earnings going to her boss. Getting a decent place was out of the picture.

While her apartment looked homey to the eyes, courtesy to Broisa’s love for decor, the place had many issues the landlord did not care about fixing.

“I been saying you could come stay with me, I got a spare bedroom.”

Syrae immediately shook her head and hummed a soft, yet polite, ‘no’. As much as Broisa’s place looked good, and the facilities were much better, Syrae always liked being in her own space. She had a routine for many things and living was someone completely foreign to her space would only compromise that. That, and the fact that she had more than a little sprinkle of pride that wouldn't allow for her to accept help from anyone, friend and foe alike.

“Don’t worry about me, girl. I almost got enough to cover three months. This night might just be the night.”

Broisa only sighed through the line, having heard that excuse many times from Syrae, the sentence damn near sounded like a chorus. All she could do was sip her tea vigorously to avoid letting her annoyance show from Syrae’s persistence at maintaining her prideful stance.

Despite them being friends for years, Broisa has failed time and time again from scratching beyond surface level with Syrae. And while she tries not to psychoanalyze the woman, it's extremely hard not to do so, given the dirt and bugs she’s given, barely anything fruitful.

The two women spent a little while longer on the phone before fell into their daily errands, and unfortunately for Syrae, that included fixing the leaking toilet in the bathroom

It had been roughly twenty minutes and some change that Terry had spent on the treadmill. The gym was a little emptier than usual, which he wasn't complaining about, he needed the quiet to settle into his thoughts.

These past few days had been hard for him, work was stressful. One of his workers was dealing with loss, and while Terry gladly gave them some time off, it threw the routine in the workshop off balance and frankly, everything was a mess.

The air of his home clogged his throat, the mere smell of lavender was enough to bring a sting to his eyes, a persistent reminder of his unfaithfulness.

But among the lingering scent of his wife, a small, purple charm that laid on his coffee table did a much better job at adding to his never wavering guilt.

The kiss lasted for damn near an eternity, but every time their lips separated for some air,Terry couldn’t help but miss the taste of cherry and liquor on her tongue.

Hands wandered and lips locked intensively. Their hips ground against each other intentionally, creating delicious friction that did nothing to soothe the ache in their stomachs.

It wasn't enough, Terry was so close yet so far away. Syrae just needed him a little… only a little close, just to relieve the tightening in her stomach and stop the ache that grew in her heart.

Syrae’s hand moved down the thickness of her thighs, her hand covered the large one that squeezed her flesh, directing it closer to where she leaked and pined the most.

Terry complied, his hand fitting perfectly underneath her dress, gripping at the thin material of her lace underwear. Just as he was about to pull the material off her thighs, the sound of a door banging closed and the drunken laughter of a group of women startled the pair apart.

Terry wiped at the sides of his mouth, ridding his lips of the sheer lip gloss that once decorated Syrae’s lips.

With her head leaned against the wall, Syrae exhaled heavily, listening attentively as stumbling steps and loud chatter got softer.

The two remained apart, even after the group of women pong disappeared from their sight. Syrae couldn't find herself to look at Terry, and before he knew it, she stood straight and gathered her heels in her hands.

“Syrae-.” Terry began, already knowing what she was trying to do. He wouldn't watch her leave after what they just did. He Couldn't.

Syrae held a hand up and began walking off, tears filling the brim of her eyes as the intensity of the situation fell on her like a collapsing home, most especially Terry's

“Syrae!” Terry called out yet again, watching as she ran out of the alley before making a sharp turn. She was already too far, and he’s guilt wouldn't allow himself to follow her.

Terry hadn't felt like more of a coward than in that moment.

It wasn't until his gaze fell on the floor, back where she stood against the wall, until he noticed a small object on the floor.

Reluctantly, Terry picked it up, scrutinized the charm and made a mental connection. This belonged to Syrae.

And Terry hated how those bloody butterflies twisted at the ides of having another reason to see her. He hated how his heart jumped, believing this was another ‘opportunity’ presented to him.

He hated how no once did he think about Amber and the words he vowed to her.

But what Terry hated the most, is how his lips tingled in withdrawal, already in need of another fix of galaxies.

Flashback over

“Aye, Terry!” The green-eyed Adonis is called out of his daydream, forcing him off the treadmill before he fell.

“Yo, you good bro?” Yosohn asked with a frown on his face He had been calling Terry’s name a number of times, but the man seemed out of it.

“Yeah, I’m good.” Terry responded.

He stepped off the treadmill, wiping the sweat off his face with a towel he had hanging over the machine. Truthfully, he had forgotten that Yosohn accompanied him to the gym, too wrapped up in his own thoughts to even hold proper conversation with his friend.

“It don't seem like it, called your name like ten times.” he said, “What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing.” Terry insisted, his shoulder lifting and dropping before he took a sip of cold water. It did enough to cool his burning body from the intense workouts.

“Or should I say Who’s on your mind.” Yosohn raised a brow, What tone leading as assumption rolled off his tongue.

“What you tryna say?” Terry retorted, his brows dipping into his skin, creating ridges in the middle of his forehead as he stared at Yosohn, offended.

He turned his back to the other male, picking up a dumbbell in each hand, spreading his legs apart tobegin his bicep curls.

Yoshon smacked his lips, shaking his head at Terry’s incompetence and refusal to admit what was obvious to everyone. He moved to stand beside the taller male, leaning against the cold steel railing where blue yoga balls and dumbbells rested.

“Come on, T.” Yosohn began, “I’m not stupid.”

“Didn't say you were. I’m just a little confu-”

“Don’t give me that bullshit man, I’m talkin’ bout Syrae.” Yosohn interrupted, a deep mug on his face as his foot began tapping on the black, fitted carpet of the gym.

“What about her?” Terry grunted. While his focus seemed to be on the exercise, his mind ran at fifty per minute. Images of Syrae and what they shouldn't have done weighing heavy on his conscious. Sometimes if he thought hard enough, he could still taste her and a sprinkle of stars.

“What’s goin on between y’all? Me and Isla noticed how y’all were looking at each other the other night.”

“We just friends, Sohn.”

“You sure?” he asked, “I don't be looking at my ‘friends’ like I’m tryna dick em down.” Yosohn imitated inverted commas with his fingers at the word ‘friends’.

“That’s not how I look at-”

“Especially since I’ve got my own woman.”

Terry dropped the dumbbells onto the ground, the carpet drowning out the impact. His jaw clenched before he turned to Yosohn, shoulders rolling slightly to relieve the tension on his neck.

He looked around the gym, people weren't paying attention to the boiling argument, the sound of gym equipment being used did enough to drown out the sound of their conversation.

“I don't know what you saw, or what you think you saw.” Terry looked back at Yosohn, “But I'ma tell you this. I love my woman, and my eyes ain't wandering to anybody else. So get that base off your chest and come spot me.”

Terry pat Yosohn's shoulder before walking past him. His heart was beating out of his chest, his breathing slightly tagged which he could freely blame on the exercises. Terry couldn't help but wonder just how much Yosohn saw, was he really that obvious when near Syrae?

Yosohn followed Terry towards the weight training bench. He exhaled at the conversation, not feeling half as satisfied with the outcome as he would've hoped.

The two men moved past the tension and continued with their routines, helping one another get their workout in before they headed home. Both with thoughts weighing heavy in their mind.

It was a little past midnight, and Syrae had concluded that she's had enough of Gravity and dancing for its ‘esteemed’ inhabitants.

Or in better words… fuck Gravity and every cheapskate in there. You would think people would throw more cash at the stage since they paid less at entrance.

Technically, she was finally off the clock for the night. Despite the event, she would abide by her ‘contracted’ working hours. Randy could kiss her ass.

Standing outside the club, Syrae leaned against Broisa's car, waiting for her to finish her private dance so they could get out of here and go home. Despite the thick leather coat that passed her knees, cat calls from various passerbys didn't seem to cease.

All she could do was roll her eyes and impatiently wait for her tardy friend, which really, was most definitely in character for Broisa.

“I'm here girl, I'm here.” The shorter woman said, running, or at least attempting to, towards her pink Peugeot.

Syrae couldn't help the laugh that scratched her throat from passing her lips, Broisa had always been an entertaining woman, even when she didn't try. “I can see that, what took you so long.”

Broisa explained how she got stuck in the private room having to help a passed out, middle aged man. Clearly some had too much to drink.

“Yeah, now you gotta get me some to eat.” Syrae raised her brow at Broisa before seating herself on the hood of the car, her feet barely dangling over.

Broisa laughed and rolled her eyes, having expected nothing less from Syrae, still she agreed. She got some sneakers out of the car and traded them for the heels on her feet before calling home beside Syrae.

“Seem like you in better moods, damn near chewed my head off this mornin’.” Broisa commented, eliciting a signature eye roll from Syrae, one reserved for her only.

“Lets not, I'm tryna distract myself from that.” A dull deflection is all Broisa received in return.

She still could not understand why the small charm held such importance to Syrae that it could turn her world completely upside-down. That thought doesn't last long as her eyes catch something in the distance.

“Well, I see a pretty good distraction at 9.” Broisa raised a brow.

Syrae looks to her right, catching sight of a six foot three, green-eyed, handsome bastard that seemed to be running the track coiling in her mind.

Terry Richmond had no business looking as good as he does. Casual jeans and t-shirt, covered by the thick cotton of his long, black trench coat. He had no business being near Syrae, looking as good as he does.

“Shit.” Syrae groaned and clenched her eyes shut when he noticed her before he meticulously took his steps towards her, one's that moved to the rhythm of her beating her heart.

She slid off the car and met him halfway. She wished she didn't, maybe then she wouldn't have noticed the change in his regular scent. He smelled like an ocean breeze and soft citrus.

He changed his cologne, and the reality that she picked up on something so small tickled her faint heart the same way his scent tickled her nose.

“Hey.”

“What you doin’ here?”

They spoke at the same time. Terry's brows dip into a frown, his lips opening slightly before closing again. He hadn't expected the ambush.

Syrae sighed, rubbed the bridge of her nose. Her gaze fleets behind her to Broisa before they train back to Terry. He needed to leave, because flashbacks from nights ago started placing bricks in her head.

“Terry, what you doin’ here?” She asked again, gently this time. Her gaze involuntarily softened from gazing in his eyes one second too long.

“Wanted to talk.” He muttered, clenching his hands in the pockets of his coat to soothe the need to reach out and touch her. He probably should just give her the charm and drive himself back home, but being in front of her, he wanted nothing more than another taste of space.

“We… we can't do that.” Syrae mumbles under her breath, shifting her weight from one leg to the other. Damn dragonflies.

Terry was stupid enough to ask why, as if the answer didn't lay in the way his breath hitched the more he looked at her, like oxygen ceased to exist when he was near Syrae.

“Terry, c’mon. We can't do thi-.”

“I have your charm.” He interrupted, not needing to hear her finish the sentence. For once he just didn't need… logic. “You dropped it… that night.”

He took one clenched fist out of his pocket, reaching the hand out to Syrae, revealing a plastic, purple charm. A heart with wings.

At first, when Terry found it on the floor, he deemed it unimportant. Until his fingers ran across the rough feel of something engraved on it. Initials that spelt out ‘K.B’.

Syrae's eyes darted from the object in his hand to his eyes. But the wave of relief that washed over her failed miserably at killing the damn fluttering in her stomach.

“But I just wanna talk, Rae. Can you give me that?” Terry whispered, taking one step closer before dropping the charm into her smaller hands, hands he's worked day and night to remove the imprints from his skin, and his memory.

She nodded her head, her throat too clogged up to say anything coherent. She hated the way rejection just seemed near impossible with Terry around. Since they've known each other, saying ‘no’ proved to be harder than what she would've liked.

Terry sighed in relief at her compliance. He nodded his head behind him, walked towards his car where they could talk privately.

Syrae looked back at Broisa, who already seemed to be looking at her with a brow raised. A look of scepticism painted her face, causing Syrae to gesture with her hands that she should wait.

Syrae followed behind Terry quietly. She climbed into the passenger seat after he opened the door for her, watching in the warmth of his car as he jogged around to climb into the drivers.

The interior of the car was as clean as a whistle. Shiny leather seats and surfaces free of dust. Syrae’s heart clenched at the scent that wafted the air in the car, however. Lavender.

There was a pregnant silence between them. Terry's eyes focused solely on the windshield while Syrae’s solely on her lap, where her fingers twirled around one another.

She felt distant. Terry wanted to look at her so badly, but stars seemed to be his weakness, even though they were deemed unreachable.

But when Syrae was the subject of his lens, chasing those unreachable balls of light didn't seem so impossible. Because she always had them floating around her, on her, even if they were faux. Like micro, plastic cut-outs that danced on her skin and shimmered in her light.

“You been ignoring my texts.” Terry said, not out of accusation, but out of observation.

Ever since she called him about his wallet, Terry had saved her number and they've been texting back and forth ever since about anything and everything. Those texts stopped after their drunken kiss.

“What was I s’posed to say, Terry?” Syrae sighed, already feeling a pending headache from the conversation between them.

“Could've at least let me know you made it home.” He responded and finally turned to face her. “You just ran off, Rae. I was worried.”

“Well you should've ran after me, made sure I was safe if you were so worried.” Syrae countered, holding back an eye roll as the attitude rolled off her tongue effortlessly.

“How was I ‘sposed to do that after we kiss-” He stopped himself, exhaled as his eyes were facing the front of the car again.

“Then how you expect me to text you after that?”

A great question, one Terry definitely didn't have an answer to. While he knew it was selfish of him to want to continue talking to Syrae after what happened, he also couldn't help indulging himself.

There's another heavy silence, this one filled with newfound tension.

Syrae looked out the window. The smell of lavender was so strong and it reminded her of the intensity of the situation.

“This was a mistake.” Syrae mumbled to herself before opening the passenger door and climbing put of the car.

Terry got out as well with a quickness, quickly rounding to reach Syrae before she walked away from the conversation… from him.

“Syrae! Damn it, could you stop walkin’ away from me?” He caught her arm, holding it gently as his thumb rubbed circles over her coat.

“Well I need to, Terry. Cause you clearly don't want to. This!” She points between the both of them animatedly. “Can't happen. That night wasn't supposed to happen because you're married.”

“And I know th-”

“Well then act like it!” Syrae exclaimed suddenly before looking around her, embarrassment settling at the outburst.

“I can't sleep sometimes, Terry. I keep thinkin’ bout how I stole such a… precious moment with another woman’s husband.” She whispered, looking everywhere but his eyes.

And that hurt Terry, he wanted her to look at him, but he didn't have the audacity to ask for such a thing. “It won't happen again.”

“And you gon’ stop it, like you did last time?” sarcasm oozed from Syrae’s rhetorical question. Because the answer was all in their current argument. Terry wouldn't be able to stop shit from happening between them.

“I just- I don't wanna lose you as a friend Rae. I… we could forget bout what happened.”

They couldn't, they wouldn't be able to. Because that was the first time in a long time that Syrae thought a man’s touch felt right. Despite how wrong it was or how drunk she was, she felt at ease when Terry touched her.

Still, even after that realisation, she still pondered at the idea of them being friends. That maybe that would work out, maybe she could forget all about their mutual attraction to one another.

“Terry, you and I can't be ‘just friends’.” She shook her head and looked off to the side.

Terry finally let go of her arm, placing his hands in the pockets of his coat. He didn't have anything that could dispute that, he was merely living in a fantasy where he could have her… platonically.

“Yes we can. Just let me show you.”

She pondered yet again, scratching at the exposed skin of her neck before exhaling through her nose. This was exactly what she was talking about, the rejection that just always seemed so impossible with Terry involved.

“Just friends?” She asked, finally looking up at him, and she wished she didn't. Because the earthy pools that looked back at her sold promises that she wasn't sure could be kept.

“Just friends.”

“No funny business?”

“Give you my word.”

“Well then say it.”

Terry laughed at that, the baritone woke the fluttering in Syrae's stomach. The sight of his smile enticing a smile of her own.

“I promise.” Terry muttered through his smile. Signed, sealed and delivered.

“Okay.” Syrae whispered, her fingers twiddling yet again. “We can stay friends, I guess.”

His smile widened, something Syrae thought wasn't even possible with the way he was cheesing moments before. She bet husband cheeks hurt more than hers.

“Okay. I'll see you around, Ms. Belles.” Terry nodded his head before walking backwards, keeping his eyes on Syrae which drew an unsolicited laugh from her chest as she shook her head at his antics. “Keep safe.”

“See you ‘round, Mr. Richmond.” She began, watching him back into the driver seat of his car. “And you too.”

Syrae watched as the car backed away from the parking lot of the club. She sighed heavily once it was out of her sight before she turned and walked back to Broisa, who was beyond curious with the interaction she just witnessed.

“Don't start.” Syrae warned with a flat face once she took notice of the other woman’s expression.

“I’m just worried. I thought I was seeing shit that night. I told Gage’s ass that there was somethin’ between the two of y'all and he aint believe.” Broisa rambled, which caused Syrae to roll her eyes and shake her head.

“Y'all havin’ pillow talk about my business?” Syrae frowned up at her friend.

“I mean, your life seem very interesting lately so why the hell not?” Broisa shrugged with a small smile before she focused on Syrae seriously, her eyes scanned her face intently.

“That's a married man, Rae. Freshly married might I add.”

“I know, Broisa. There ain't shit going on between me and that man.” Syrae quickly countered with a loud exhale at the reminder. The feel of the cold metal around his finger ironically burned the skin of her thigh since the kiss. She didn't need another reminder.

“I hope for your sake that's true, cause what I just saw ain't look like nothin’.” Broisa hummed lowly before sliding off her car and unlocking it. “Anyway, let go get somethin’ to eat. A girl hungry as fuck.”

Syrae watched as Broisa got into her car after her warning. Her heart thumped a bit faster at her words. She hoped so too, hoped so badly that Terry and her could stay friends, no matter how impossible it sounded to her heart.

“Fuck my life.” Syrae murmured under her breath before she walked to the passenger side of the car and climbed in.

She really, really hoped she could forget about that night, the kiss, the idea of something romantic with Terry. But why did hope suddenly feel like something so far-fetched.

A/n: Finally, with this chapter out of the way, we can get to the nitty gritty of the story. The first four chapters were just introducing us to the characters and the situation. Now we can go into the problems and the angst.

Please comment and reblog if you like the story so far or on your thoughts, I'd like to hear what you guys think.

Next, on Something Seasonal

Taglist:

@blyffe @peachbutterfly-blog @browngirldominion @blackmoonchilee @megamindsecretlair @mogul93 @earthchica @nayaesworld @cdotmvkspaz @kaylaaisthebestest- @zillasvilla

If I forgot to tag you or you want to be tagged, let me know in the comments.

[voltaridylla]

This is a mere observation and just a slight nitpick I have with how fanon portrays Randy Marsh.

!!!!! I am not a Randy apologist by the way !!!!! He’s not even a favourite character of mine. This is just my view on how he’s portrayed and my personal opinion on it. This is not an attack on anyone’s hcs and I respect everyone and their portrayals - this is just my view. I haven’t watched the specials really except the End of Obesity and Post-Covid so if there’s anything I missed please let me know!!

In South Park - it is shown many times that Randy is not a good parent but he’s not a bad person. This is a core aspect that people sometimes forget when writing him which can be slightly jarring. It is show in many episodes that he does indeed care about Stan and Shelley as well as Sharon, however, because he is selfish and is a manchild a lot of that creates so much tension. This is also added due to his alcoholism.

What grinds my gears sometimes is when fics make Randy a caricature of an alcoholic and a dead beat dad. When that isn’t the case. He is emotionally absent and negligent but he isn’t abusive. Alcoholism also has many forms and Randy falls under the functional spectrum.

This still does create a lot of hurt in families and it does heavily effect those around them. However when it is done distastefully - for example: used as a plot device and Randy is just vilainised I’m not a fan of it. It feels lazy and is very rarely dealt with care.

What I would love/wish to see more of is some nuance between the dynamic of Stan and Randy. A love-hate relationship between father and son. Randy doesn’t understand his son (shown many times) and often doesn’t understand his son’s needs. Which is why they argue a LOT, they just don’t see eye to eye. And for Stan, he loves his dad but because of Randy’s many flaws he often feels conflicted with his father - about who he is as a person and how his role as a father effected him.

Stan has to come to the realisation that his dad won’t change and the more he ponders on what his dad could be the more miserable he’ll be. It is indeed bittersweet but I think this is something that feels more effective and impactful I guess ??? The way fanon mischaracterises Randy and basically makes him a caricature of himself (the Peter Griffin effect if you will…) becomes redundant over time.

In saying that Randy has suffered from the Peter Griffin effect in some of the more later seasons but that’s another topic entirely. 😭

This show is South Park after all, so of course I’m probably taking this way too seriously but Randy is not a trope - he is a character and has shown many sides to his character!! He has MANY flaws but he also has good traits of the good father he can be at times - he does care about Stan (shows interest in his hobbies such as in guitar queero) and he’s always looking out for Shelley (in his own bizarre way..) !!! I just wish there was more understanding that characters are nuanced and aren’t one dimensional sometimes - even the ones that annoy us.

[violettathepiratequeen]

Ranking the Top 75 Spuffy Moments

In preparation for this study of all the episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer I'm gonna be starting here soon, I compiled a list of my top 75 Spuffy moments.

Actually I compiled a list of every single Spuffy moment (moments that either have a Spike and Buffy interaction, an action that is a result of Spuffy, or someone alluding to Spuffy in some relevant way) and there are 515 of them. 515!!

But I knew I'd only want to talk about the best in my rambles about this show, so I ranked my top 75. Because 50 leaves out a lot of really GOOD stuff, and 100 had me picking moments that were good, but no better than the other 415 I was leaving behind anyway. So 75 felt like a sweet spot of the very BEST of the best, while still knowing there's so many great ones that went unsaid.

So here is my list of that top 75, if you want to know!

Buffy asks Spike to stay and hold her (Touched)

Spike kissing her hair, holding her close while everyone else is sexing (Touched)

Spike’s “you’re the one” speech (Touched)

Buffy wakes up in Spike’s arms (Touched)

Porch scene #1 (Fool For Love)

Spike sees Buffy coming down the stairs, 147 days (After Life)

“It was the best night of my life” (End of Days)

Spike comes to Buffy with a truce (Becoming Part 2)

“I believe in you, Spike” (Never Leave Me)

Buffy finds and rescues Spike (Showtime)

Invitation, “I’m counting on you to protect her,” “You treat me like a man” (The Gift)

Spike tells Buffy about the soul, hangs himself on a cross (Beneath You)

Porch scene #2 (Flooded)

Spike comes to Buffy on Thanksgiving (Pangs)

Kissing behind the Bronze (Once More With Feeling)

Faith as Buffy flirts with Spike (Who Are You?)

Spike proposes, Spuffy hug and Buffy cries (Something Blue)

Buffy kisses Spike, “I won’t forget it” (Intervention)

Fighting and breaking the house, kissing and destroying the rest of the house (Smashed)

Spike’s dream and realization (Out of My Mind)

Spike gets his soul (Grave)

Spike watching Buffy dance (School Hard)

Kissing in the Bronze (Tabula Rasa)

Sleeping on the cot together (Chosen)

“I love you.” “No you don’t, but thanks for saying it” (Chosen)

“You’re something… you’re better than this” (Doublemeat Palace)

“Stay here, and help me be quiet” (Help)

“She does, because she believes in me” (Bring on the Night)

“Because I’m not ready for you to not be here” (First Date)

Spike stops Buffy from dancing to death (Once More With Feeling)

“She will come for me” (Showtime)

“We can either repair it or remove it” (The Killer in Me)

Buffy interrogates Spike, “God help me, Buffy, it’s still all about you” (Sleeper)

Spike tackles Buffy, they wrestle over the rocket launcher (Him)

“She’ll tell you. Someday she’ll tell you” (Help)

Spike cries over Buffy’s death (The Gift)

Spike reads the gang the riot act (Touched)

Spike asks for help, she agrees (Sleeper)

“What did you do, Buffy?” Kissing dream (Dead Things)

Spike patrols with the Scoobies and babysits Dawn (Bargaining 1 and 2)

“I don’t need your mollycoddling” (Him)

Radioactive dress (Hell’s Bells)

“I’m drowning in you, Summers” (Crush)

Buffy tells him about heaven (After Life)

Buffy checks on Spike first when the fight is over (First Date)

“You sent away the one person who’s been watching my back” (Empty Places)

“He can be a good man, Giles” (First Date)

“Ready, Randy?” “Ready, Joan” (Tabula Rasa)

“The soul, the changes, it’s what you wanted” (Get it Done)

“Who did this?” “Spike” (Chosen)

Buffy visits, Spike's promise, "Every night I save you" (After Life)

Rest in Peace (OMWF)

Buffy takes her family to Spike’s, Spike agrees to watch them (Checkpoint)

“Out for a walk, bitch” (No Place Like Home)

Spike offers her a hand up (Listening to Fear)

“Buffy, I’m okay. I’m gonna be okay” (Potential)

Double date… with Harmony and Parker (The Harsh Light of Day)

Lying to Joyce, Buffy reveals her secret (Becoming Part 2)

Buffy feeds Spike in the bathtub (Something Blue)

Spike grabs a sword over her head (Spiral)

“Feel like a bit of the rough and tumble?” (All the Way)

Buffy pins Spike to the table (Lovers Walk)

Choreography of the second Slayer fight (Fool For Love)

“Just getting what I came for, love” (Gone)

Buffy gives Spike a cloth to wipe his bloody nose (The Killer in Me)

Buffy feeds Spike in her bedroom (Never Leave Me)

“Hey, you still with us?” (The Killer in Me)

“I tried to get it out” (Lessons)

Spike gives her his blessing (First Date)

Spike’s smile watching Buffy’s “blech” face (Life Serial)

“We’re family” (Family)

Cards early in the morning (Older and Far Away)

“Good fight” (All the Way)

“Teenage hormone bomb” (Blood Ties)

“Tell me you love me” (As You Were)

I use the term "moment" loosely because sometimes it's a line, sometimes a scene, sometimes a couple different things in the span of the same five minutes, but what I considered to be wrapped up until the sweet vague title of "moment." These were selected based on how significant they are, how memorable they are, how romantic they are, how much I personally like them.

The way I ranked these was sort of similar to me ranking the episodes, except that I actually wrote all 515 in a list and circled my faves for each season, whittled the full number down to 75, and then ranked them by top 5, and top 5 again, all the way down the list.

Again this is just my opinion, not based on polls or stats, and as there truly are 440 Spuffy moments not listed here, I know you'll see some of your faves missing! But these are mine.

[lavenderspence]

another week, another new the rookie episode and even more thoughts, so 7x17 incoming [spoilers under the cut]

I...I don't like the skip tracer randy episodes, I'm sorry, why is he so stupid😭

but also...why is nyla's mom so stupid too. like your daughter is a detective, you should be smarter and know how fraud works😭

tim and miles looked toooo good in their suits rah

NOT LUCY CALLING TIM "BRADFORD"😭 that man was like "eXcUsE yOu?"😭 it was so weird hearing her call him that though😭

WHY IS RANDY SO DUMB 😭

Angela's mom is such a diva, I love it😭

WHY IS BAILEY AT THE MALL? I'm so fucking tired of seeing her, why the hell is she there, is she the only fucking emt there is? why was she a firefighter three episodes ago during the football match, and she's an emt now? I swear, they need to stop trying to make her fit into the episodes if she has no place there!!!

noooo, nooo, the song thing, that was so cringe, noo😭✋🏻

grey in the back getting ready to congratulate his daughter, only for her to continue freaking out. GET IT TOGETHER LUCY😭✋🏻

"do you want me to look for you?" "yes". YES SHE DOES.

I KNEW MY GIRL WOULD DO IT, I KNEW IT😭 AND THE WAY TIM IS SMILING IN THE BACKGROUND SO FUCKING PROUD OF HIS GIRL😭😭😭

WHY THE NIGHT SHIFT? WHY ARE YOU MAKING THIS SO DIFFICULT, COME ONNNN😭

for a second to last episode before the season finale, this was a lil weak, not gonna lie

okay, and just a lil on 7x18 promo

angela laying on thick for tim to go get this girl, I need more of this duo next season😭

oscar is finally back, but I'm so curious how they're going to tie his storyline this time?

and also, who could miles' date be with? I swear if I see that snake monica I'll riot. I'm so tired of how they are dragging her storyline. that woman stopped being interesting during the elijah storyline

[sapphicscholar]

Hacks Episode 4.04 Thoughts

Okay, saying it up front: I found this episode much better on rewatch. But both times we are relishing ALL the parallels to past episodes/seasons in the ep! From the small details—Deborah doing the same training regimen as Ruby did at the start of season 3 + retaining the starting line to the opening monologue from her unaired Late Night pilot—to the big thematic notes—Deborah performing for Ava as her audience of one at this crucial, terrifying moment, much like she was ready to do for Ava back in S1 for the full run through of the new act, then did looking for Ava in the wings at the taping of her special. And there's nothing like a parallel to highlight what’s changing and what’s staying static. Show biz is demanding the same old same old, especially of women, but Deborah’s not the same woman she was back then—and Deborah and Ava’s dynamic is forever in motion, but somehow still, even now, the grounding point for this thing they’ve built together that makes it possible. (But, despite what they make work together, these two are their own isolated mirror images this episode, sitting all alone in ritzy LA bars and restaurants—a celebration that feels like anything but.)

Deborah freezing on stage, and Ava just running to her backstage…only to be utterly rebuffed. But also it’s so telling what line Deborah froze on: “Second act is code for no wanted to…” Because that’s just it, no? No one wanted her. No one wants her. It’s Deborah’s great fear, anathema to everything she’s been working for! She’s got a second chance, and that’s incredible, but it feels all the more tenuousness when she knows just how easy it is to lose.

I love it when a show doesn’t shy away from what’s potentially predictable, but does it in such a way that it packs one hell of a punch anyway, and they knocked it out of the park with Deborah’s focus narrowing to little more than Ava during the premier. Beautifully shot, beautifully acted, beautifully done. And the happiest either of them have looked all season to boot.

Similarly, the hospital scene was lovely, but also just a little heartbreaking (in the best of ways) to show us the distance between this episode and New Eyes—the way they hold themselves apart even as they’re sharing this life-changing moment together. It’s effective in the quietness of its divergence, and I love that.

(Also, my hc is that Deborah changed her emergency contact to Ava before they went on tour, since she was leaving with only Ava at the start, which would make her the most obvious fit. But that also means she kept Ava her emergency contact post-betrayal.)

Not Ava and Deborah focused, but Hannah really fucking killed it with the tow truck/sex toy shop scene, especially knowing she was asked to improv portions of it to see what came out. It’s cracky and funny, and a much needed reprieve from the heaviness of the episode and what’s been going on in her personal life. Also, there is nothing I love more than Ava on the brink shouting things about Lemony Snicket or giant dildos – my favorite Ava is one hair’s breadth away from falling apart, but also somehow at her most attractive to me in that kind of hot mess way

Some quibbles:

I’m just flashing big Do Not Want signs at this version of “bad boss bitch” Kayla. I don’t need half Cruella mode. I just…we don’t need another diva on set. I’m not interested.

Similarly, if we’re thinking about verisimilitude…going for a big splashy opening with the sole guest star as…Randy Newman?? It feels like another instance where they had a guest star they were personally excited about but didn’t really think about putting in intentionally, but instead threw it where it could go but didn’t necessarily add anything (because I’m sorry, but a major network late night show isn’t going to struggle to get big name talent! This isn’t the start of season 2 again where Deb’s starting from the ground up! For better or worse, she has a massive industry machine behind her now). Instead it was just an easy way to have her end up alone—hence the lack of a second guest, too—which just…okay?

Lastly, I don’t really get some of how they’re rewriting Damien… I can understand him cracking under the new pressures post-losing Marcus, but his sweaty, hand-shaking panic in the restaurant just seems a far cry from the Damien of S1 who so confidently announced to Deborah that he’d made ebay his bitch in getting her rug, then the Damien who was so blunt in telling Ava he didn’t like comedy. We’ve seen him sweaty and out of breath running Deborah’s errands in the last couple seasons, but the sweatiness and breathlessness were about physical exertion, not the panic of interacting with Deborah? I don’t know. I’m feeling more critical about this because of what they’ve also done with Kiki’s reduction to a bit-character post-s1 (which feels all the worse now that they’ve written off Marcus apparently, reducing a show that, in season 1, felt diverse in its very makeup—both sexually and racially, with characters like Marcus, Wilson, and Kiki getting relatively robust screentime with lives that expand beyond Deborah’s and glimpses into the lives of Damien and Josefina to boot—to an almost entirely white show where characters of color show up to play a part for a quick laugh or a quick moment of insight)

[mdhwrites]

I'd like your thoughts on the segment of TOH fandom that attributes Luz' behavior to her having been bullied and ostracized in Gravesfield. Canonically there is nothing showing Luz being bullied or says that she was bullied in Gravesfield. Quite the contrary. Yesterday's Lie had Vee, who had been living as Luz for months, living a good life where she had made friends at camp and at school. She resented Luz' return and castigated her for not appreciating how good a life she had. The episode Thanks to Them had the guidance counselor ask Camila if she had been bullied in school to which Camila answered that she had. He then asked if she wanted Luz to struggle as she had. That question strongly suggests that Luz was not yet having any social difficulties beyond those of her own making and that sending her to camp would keep that from happening. When we see Luz back in Gravesfield HS she was having no difficulties dealing with other students and that some of her contacts with them were friendly and admiring.

So what are your thoughts on this insistence of certain fans that Luz had suffered this bullying and ostracization when the show itself not only doesn't support it but contradicts it?

Because it's necessary for Luz's character to function.

That's really all it comes down to. Luz is kind of monstrous if she has never actually known strife. She wants to be seen as the victim after all. She wants to be justified in abandoning her mom for her fantasies. For rejecting the consequences of assaulting people. Heck, that's still true in S3 where she needs to be able to claim that the human world would be some torturous hell hole for her so that her self martyring actually comes across correctly instead of someone going, "Oh, that sounds like a lot of work and might actually be dangerous so I'm just gonna stay home with my loving mom instead."

If her home life was good, was kind, was what we wish our home lives with a parent who will enable us to do whatever we want short of breaking the law... What the fuck is she doing? The audience insert, who goes entirely unquestioned in the show besides "Hey, you kind of messed up, go apologize," (which she doesn't do well all the time) is suddenly this whiny brat who wants to be enabled by literally every person in existence because she needs to be the most special person there. It's the antithesis of what people want "I just want to be understood!" to be about. She wants to be understood so you go "Oh, I get it, you keep being you," and never hold her accountable. Otherwise, she might not lie all the time because she might be willing to actually face the consequences of her actions.

It is a shift in Luz's character irreversible in its damage. You just cannot like the show in the same way when you have to admit that Luz is a self entitled little shit. And mind you, her normal archtype is of that sort. Danny Phantom and Randy Cunningham and even to some extent Kim Possible are all flawed teenage characters who are clearly growing. Who need to be better people so while they're protagonists, you're supposed to learn as much alongside them as from their example, if not more. You are meant to take from Luz by example though. She is meant to be the audience surrogate after all. And, you know, if she's unjustified in her actions... What does that say about you all of a sudden who connected so deeply with her?

That's all of why this can't vanish. I actually want to add onto your proofs though because people will go "What about her panicking during Knock Knock Knocking?" Yes, that is the ONE time we are ever given the idea for her being mocked for something and even that one... Well, she's worried about going too over the top. How much do we want to bet Luz came to school in her suit to ask the person she liked out like she was in some sort of soap opera? That's gonna get you reasonably laughed without a VERY specific sort of partner like Amity.

HOWEVER... That's the one time, a season and a half into the show, her actions imply someone who has been bullied. Otherwise, she is very confrontational, she does nothing to hide herself, she gives almost no shits about what anyone thinks about her besides "Fuck you, I am totally the greatest" everytime Eda doubts her. The closest before then is her worrying about Amity seeing her as lame but Amity is the only one she cares about for that. Even then, she never seems bothered by the fact that Amity is a bully. She is willing to stand up to her regardless. This is further reinforced by what she does with Boscha where she either just brushes her off during Once Upon a Swap or is entirely confident in confronting her in Winging it Like Witches. NONE of that is the behavior of someone who has been bullied, harassed and hurt by constant bullying. Add all the elements where she clearly could have found people like her but chose instead to chase more popular clubs like cheerleading and acting and it paints a REALLY bad picture of Luz.

It paints her as Liz Lemon from 30 Rock, or Goob from Meet the Robinsons. Both people who claimed the world hated them when the reality was that they were awful to reality, one being a bully and the other ignoring all signs of kindness and acceptance that was attempted to be given to him. This is far worse when you remember that Luz never appreciated her mom properly, like Goob, and also is genuinely an asshole to both King and Hooty for their interests, like Liz Lemon.

Luz is a bad person. But for the show to function, you cannot believe that. Once you do, it will only to start to collapse faster and faster as the contradictions pile on top of themselves.

So why not just twist the truth instead into the pleasant lie Luz is actually the archtype of the bullied nerd that the first episode tried to imply she was but then failed to ever deliver on? It's easier that way, even if it's dishonest. Luz wouldn't judge you for it, not so long as you didn't try to lie to her. Because all that matters in the end to Luz is Luz.

======+++++======

If the idea of a fact that's not well supported by the show being critical to a character functioning sounds familiar, it's because it's the same reason why people need Odalia to be pure evil. Both Amity and Luz need to use having been hurt by others to justify their own behaviors, even when their behaviors don't correlate in ways that actually support those excuses.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[baked-potatoes-rule]

Shauna, the people closest to her, and the endless, painful, herculean task of loving emotionally unavailable people.

Jackie,Callie,Jeff...hell, let's even add Adam Martin, the naive artist who didn't know better.

Jackie; Your best friend, who you plan your life ahead with, assuming they are in for the ride. You sign up for a sport together, you do everything together, you're attached to her to such a degree that the moment you feel she might abandon you for someone else to be her closest friend (Taissa), you withdraw.

You do everything with her in mind. "I have Jeff so I'll tell Shauna about Randy bc I feel bad that she doesn't have someone." "Shauna gets anxious on the plane, I'll get her some Valium." "The plane is on fire, I have to get Shauna out because she's more important to me than Van", "I'll give her my last piece of meat because she's hungry", "I'll agree to Laura Lee flying the plane because Shauna's pregnant and needs medical attention".

And then, when you confront her, after giving her multiple opportunities of telling you the truth herself, she tells you she feels sorry for you and spits out so much bile that you end up questioning what is happening. You had little to no idea that she felt that way, overshadowed by you. Because Shauna never straight up communicated it.

Jeff ; What are you even doing? Emotionally inattentive to Shauna's needs and wants. I understand Shauna being traumatised further after the wilderness but I don't get Jeff's deal. Marrying her out of guilt because he cheated on Jackie with her. That's definitely a recipe for a healthy,long lasting relationship.

And that is why I believe Jeff was in love with Shauna. Sure, the Jackie bond they shared- but he very well knew he was just the "highschool" boyfriend. How out of touch was he? Plenty. They even went to therapy together and things just didn't seem to be going very well straight from the first episode. "That means you had an affair?" Surprise Jeff. Your wife's dark side includes being prone to committing infidelity. Also, she settled for a life that wasn't hers to begin with,had a second kid she didn't even want (at least at first, we see her telling Lottie when she had the goat with her), had no time or space to find herself because she went from being Jackie's extension to getting tied down with a you and a kid. A wife with no stable sense of self.

Callie; Sweet summer child, your mother is emotionally stunted and you can't even be mad at her because she went through hell and came back. It's downhill for Callie if she doesn't save herself from her mother and father.

___________________________________________

Emotionally unavailable friend. Emotionally unavailable partner. Emotionally unavailable parent.

What's even worse is, none of the Yellowjackets had the chance to properly heal. They had to bury everything because going to therapy/seeking help/ would mean coming clean about everything that happened in the wilderness.

Shauna and Taissa. We have something interesting here.

Shauna finds a friend in Taissa. She has her back in the wilderness. She stands by her during her finding out she's pregnant, during her fallouts with Jackie, when she tries to abort the baby, when she has to give birth.

Shauna follows Taissa to the attic because no one else will. Shauna does actually care about people. I don't believe she does good deeds with an agenda. No. Her intentions are pure. Shauna has no problem being open and vulnerable with people who can't abandon her. Yes, she's close with Tai and they form a strong friendship but it's not the same. Taissa is not Shauna's favourite person. But Jackie is. She can't handle losing Jackie but she also hates Jackie for being so glued to her, because she can't find her own self. She's drowning in Jackie.

_____________________________________________

Shauna and Adam

Adam shows up and gives Shauna the one thing she's always longed for; to be seen. Jeff saw her at first but with everything between them and the trauma, the thrill has been long gone. Shauna didn't have feelings for Jeff. He just fulfilled her need to be seen separately from Jackie and let herself be disinhibited for once, make something hers. Have someone love her "Tell me you love me, I won't hold you to it" (Please don't throw tomatoes at me for this one. Shauna's moon has to be in Scorpio. People with their moon in Scorpio want the other person to want them intensely. They want connection beyond the physical.They are way too impulsive and emotional but keep it under wraps. They also hold a grudge big time).

Back to Adam Martin. He's younger, he likes her, he sees her, he is interested in her beyond just having fun. It's what Shauna wants. (Shauna telling Tai and Natalie : I thought he loved me.)

Anyway, she ends up killing him because she thinks he's the one blackmailing them. She's also incapable of letting people get genuinely close to her because she's afraid they will see her for what she is (unworthy,not good enough,fucked up, a freak).

Shauna either keeps people at an arm's length or they manage to get close to her and they get hurt or simply, well,die.

She's afraid to love her own daughter because she can't handle the thought of losing her like she lost Jackie and her stillborn baby. But she's also scared her daughter won't like her if she does let her close.

Shauna has small t's and big T's in her bag. Her small trauma being her being abandoned by her father and possibly not having her needs met by her mother. And of course her big Trauma comes from the wilderness(plane crash, starvation, cannibalism,losing Jackie,the baby etc).

For Shauna to find peace, she would have to go within and do the work, find her sense of self and then integrate other people in her life,while setting healthy boundaries. It is YJ however so...not holding my breath and hoping for a happy ending.

I apologise for the long, probably poorly written post. I've just been contemplating on the long term effects of C-PTSD, and how much the needs we don't get covered can affect the quality of our life.

[aardvaark]

leverage rewatch: s1e4 "the snow job"

oof the nate flashback to sam dying. that really is a painful watch every single time.

"he doesn’t oversleep. this guys sets an alarm to set his alarm" - eliot describing nate.

parker’s fortune cookie breakfast. iconic.

you can see them all (besides nate) dying a little inside when sophie has to rip up that cheque. eek!

this is a very early episode and you can really tell - eg eliot not only assuming that he has to catch parker when she’s jumped out the window, but also assuming that she assumes that he would catch her. she didn’t hesitate to jump out a second floor window, what makes you think she needs to have her fall broken? i guess this is eliot’s first proper encounter with parker’s whole immunity-to-fall-damage thing lol.

i like sophie and eliot’s … friendship? bonding? ish … moments in this episode. eliot finding it funny when it turns out they have to hang around randy (the first mark) longer than expected, bc randy’s under the impression that they’re flirting and sophie’s gonna have to keep that act up, much to her chagrin. but then later, sophie absolutely beaming when eliot has to gruffly admit that he dated a neurologist bc everyone’s staring at him. they both delight in each others minor misfortunes. true friendship!

why does sophie know parker’s father is dead? (she tells parker to think of something sad, like "when your father died"). we don’t learn that parker’s an orphan until stork job, and sophie seemed reasonably surprised to hear that. maybe parker had already mentioned that her parents were dead and in stork job, sophie was just surprised to hear parker allude to her childhood in abusive/neglectful foster care placements? or maybe sophie’s disturbingly accurate ability to make inferences about people’s lives led her to realise that parker’s dad was dead somehow?

speaking of the above scene - it’s also very clear that sophie and parker haven’t known each other long, cause in later seasons, sophie wouldn’t broach a sensitive topic with parker like that. eg in grave danger job, sophie only makes an allusion to parker having lost ppl in childhood, and seems to know she’s kinda pushing it even then. (though soph’s talking about acting here, so she’s probably too caught up in that to think about being gentle lol).

"i have a tell? in rock paper scissors?" (hardison to eliot) lmao

parker running into the corridor when nate cuts the mark a cheque is so funny. and eliot literally picking her up and whisking her away.

episode 4 and nate's already well and truly pissing everyone off with his drinking! parker and eliot express that anger directly. sophie's equal parts sad and angry. hardison's a bit angry too but mostly trying to fix things and gets quiet when nate gets meaner.

nate very intentionally provoking eliot is hard to watch. and we dont usually see eliot get physically threatening with the team, not like here when he stands up quick and marches over to nate.

and nate doesn't react. everyone else does - sophie quickly stands up and gets between eliot and nate, hardison is watching this with his eyes wide in disbelief, parker's off screen but a few moments later when she's about to leave, she stops in front of sophie and looks between her and nate for a moment (which... it's painful in the context of her childhood/backstory). but nate, he doesn't react. he's been provoking eliot, he continues provoking eliot, he doesn't care that he's hurting others and he doesn't care about what happens as a consequence. but of course he doesn't care, in his mind nothing matters when his only son is dead.

anyway, its interesting since eliot's worked with nate pre-leverage (and pre-sam's death) and would know more than most about exactly how much nate's changed in terms of taking these big risks, putting his team on the line, etc.

nate: "you know me. i can do this." sophie: "i knew you two years ago." nate: "well, i'm still the same person." sophie: "no. you're not." nate: [pause] "no, i'm not." aurrghhhh this scene hurts so much!!! she's really starting to see that this can't work, not the way he is (or how they both are) right now. that he's not the person she remembers, who he was before sam died, or the idealized person she made up in her mind.

now you see if i was nate i simply would not do anything that could ruin my chances with sophie. i mean look at her big brown eyes, how could u ever be uncaring to her??

one of the most satisfying take-downs of a mark this season i think. they take the money, the company, even the mark's house, are able to return ownership to the roughly 400 families that the marks had taken houses from, and even give their giant house to the person who initially contacted the team.

[destiny-in-the-universe]

and we are back on the hyperfixation train-

seriously i cannot stop with the never-ending brainrot when it comes to randy cunningham so, if anyone is genuinely interested in seeing more rambles about this show because honestly the gears are turning lol, both due to my incoming crossover and just- things in general?

it’s late, the ideas aren’t flowing as well as i’d like right now, so in the meantime have a series of random headcanons

RC9GN Headcanons

~ Since magic is a thing in the universe, I’ve always envisioned that creatures from Japanese folklore/legends/etc coexist with humans- however they mostly appear in other plane of existence and don’t interact with mortals at all- i know this doesn’t make sense yet but it will,, when it’s not past midnight lol

~ I’m firmly convinced Plop Plop and Howard could be part of the same bloodline (Howard is 100% a descendant of Plop Plop, this is just canon lol i was there i was uhhh, howard’s shirt /lh)

~ this is practically canon but Plop Plop is?? practically immortal?? Could the same apply to the First Ninja? (because he’s now just sort of in the nomicon- like is he technically immortal bc his soul’s trapped in it so to speak)

~ ADHD Randy. Like how could he be anything but? I mean look at him

~ Julian is 100% some breed of ND, as is Howard. I make the rules this is canon now

~ Can I please just have the idea that Randy continues the mantle of being the Ninja post-grad? Like, don’t mind wipe him i’m begging- but also, consider he does forget and then something happens where it triggers his memories back- could make an au out of this but not right now,

~ There’s no way half the characters are straight lmao

~ I just watched the reveal episode and I like to think Viceroy sabotaging the robot because, well, Randy’s 14-

~ absentee parents for Randy- like. how does he get away with half the things he does? where even are his parents

~ Howard clearly has abandonment issues. I seriously need this being a thing more often-

~ caretaker Howard- to what level would the suit protect Randy?? I genuinely think Howard patches Randy up whenever he gets injured bc of literal ROBOTS

~ Randy 100% has self esteem issues?? (living in shooblivion was a perfect example of this-)

~ Heidi also has ADHD

~ Adoptive Parent First Ninja. I will not accept anything less-

~ Randy is a summer child. Howard was born in winter-

~ Game Developer Howard? I need this

~ Randy is a bit of an artist. He can already play instruments- so I say let him know how to dance, maybe not an expert but he knows his moves; also, he can sing- he does vocals in his and Howard’s band

~ not really an hc but if i don’t get more lore for the tengu i might actually go insane lol (what is the connection between the ninja and the demon bird-)

~ so. Randy, this kid- istg if this wasn’t an episodic, lighthearted kids show, he would be so traumatized. ptsd for Randy

~ Asian Randy- I’m not sure which one just yet

~ another Randy hc- I need Randy being a descendant of the Norisu 9-

~ Theresa your crush on Randy is so freaking obvious-

~ SIR, hello?? Not exactly a headcanon but I swear to everything- Randy and Debbie are a disaster waiting to happen. The identity reveal has me screaming, and honestly I wanted more; aka I need a more angsty version of the same episode istg

~ am I the only seeing Mort pseudo-adopting Randy??

~ there will be more to come but not right now- this pup is taking a slumber,, they are eepy