#that was like 5 months ago i dont remember haha

[placefaraway]

also, bro, didnt we get like a week of teasers before we got advent, what do you mean they're debuting friday????

[zemnarihah]

ik i just get on here and complain about the same things all the time but god it is so fucking frustrating how difficult it is to get specific days off at my job i really feel that my time doesnt belong to me sometimes

[suffarustuffaru]

Hi so i found this post about a reinsuba soulmate au? but I can't remember the name of it I don't remember the person who posted it I've search everywhere for but can't find it I only remember some of it I think it was a soulmates has the others scars there was also a were reinhard is desperately searching for his soulmate because they were fine just a awhile ago and suddenly they just started getting the scars and doesn't know it's Subaru because of return by death I think The scars are in gold on the other soulmate? I think I saw your name somewhere it's fine if you don't know but if you do know please let me know.

OH i absolutely know which post youre talking about!! it was an idea on the fanfic thread a few months ago, and i do sometimes go on rezero reddit so i contributed to some of the ideas in this thread here.

yeah so for everyone else who doesn't know - the fanfic/AU idea was basically that soulmate pairs get each others scars (physical OR psychological) in gold on their skin. think of it like kintsugi art, where you repair broken pottery by filling in the breaks with gold -

like this basically!! (meaning subaru might notice the similarities between the whole soulmate system and kintsugi itself yes)

yeah so to summarize all the ideas me and a few other people had in that thread, basically reinhard and subaru are soulmates (this can be platonic or romantic or however youd like to see it). reinhard takes on ALL of subarus physical and psychological scars so reinhard's basically Covered in them. meanwhile because reinhard doesnt physically scar, subaru only gets psychological ones - a collar mark around his neck to symbolize the collar of submission (a collar the kingdom puts on reinhard to suppress his powers; reinhard isnt allowed to leave the country without this collar on), and later in arc 5, subaru also gets a giant slash mark across his chest (to symbolize reinhard's death in arc 5). subaru's physical scars are self-explannatory - the psychological ones though include markings around the lips (for the rbd taboo :(( ) and a handprint on his chest right over his heart (because. satella/witch of envy).

meanwhile reinhard is guilt stricken because oh god my soulmate is SUFFERING and i cant even save them :(( i cant even find them!!! but at least i can take on all the burden of their scars for them ahahah i deserve this. and then reinhard looks over at subaru and goes hm. a collar mark. reminds me of the collar of submission :(((( but i cant possibly be subaru's soulmate!!! slavery is unfortunately commonplace in this world, subaru, perhaps you should go look in kararagi? :<<< so then reinhard ends up going on a wild goose chase for a soulmate that was LITERALLY right in front of him. subaru either doesnt notice the growing scars on reinhard until later (because they dont see each other very often) orrrr subaru is sweating buckets because he of course cant explain ALL of those scars so hes like haha im gonna keep quiet until i figure out how to break the news.

but then reinhard dies in front of subaru in arc 5 and then subaru watches as not only does reinhard come back to life, a new golden slash mark appears across subaru's torso that perfectly matches the wound reinhard just died from.....

yeah anyway!!! im quite fond of soulmate aus actually and this idea is particularly fun yes :o both in concept and aesthetically. ive always rotated a bunch of different rezero soulmate aus in my head and this idea is pretty cool i think!!

[itsdappleagain]

i know csweekly is on hold now, but I still have to catch up on The Luchadora Tango Caper, so here it is!!

Season 3 is maybe my least favorite season out of any of them, but I still love it, so I'm really excited to get into this!

Notes under the cut as always and please ignore the fact that I'm a month late on this thx

NEW CASTLE!!! NEW CASTLE YAYYY

sometimes I think this whole series is Maelstrom just talking about shit for like 14 hours

cleo sympathizing with guys in skirts <3 she knows ur struggle boys

love how they slapped up a giant glowing green world map and copper sulfate burning chandeliers before they put in insulation or heat

brunt, girl, calm down. they were just doing their evil minion bagpipe job

british on british violence

that was such a cute nod when this season first dropped. haha theres been no sign of her all summer because of the hiatus you are so clever

they rlly thought they had something with the turn them against each other thing. i cant believe they thought they tvy7 rating would let shadowsan and carmen kill each other 🙄

"carmen is DEAD" (cheery tango music)

i mean it works because we know hes wrong and stupid but like

no offense but the tango dancers are animated in a way that is reminiscent of a kid manually moving their barbie dolls legs to make them walk

our girl <3

tell me why dropping 200 feet onto the top of the metal detector was more sneaky than literally anything else she could have done

ok. yes. but the fact she is robbing it does not negate the fact that she will be on the news for breaking into a bank dsjfsdghfkdsa

1021 is the number on the box- could it mean something? in a strictly doylist sense. october 21st doesn't seem to have any significant holidays...I can't find anything, might just be a random number set.

good god the "i...have his eyes." hits me like a truck every time

gina pulled it out with the voice acting in this one

she WAS a very cute baby

"another" link girl what else has there been you should be ecstatic

ayyy its the character literally everyone except spintrap-stan and amaryllis solely remember for being voiced by dante basco

i love how snarky carmen immediately gets. if he knows her name and what she looks like, obviously he's an operative, so she gets to have a little fun in immediately declining him while still gaining valuable information, almost immediately, about who he is and what his talent will be

everyone is very stretched today

this is not my favorite fight scene honestly (at least until flytrap gets here. dont even get me started on her fighting style im in love with it) because its literally just like ooh. he kicks. she dodges. wow. they really do try with the tango parallels but idk

wow!! other people can kick too??? who knew

she protected the face

cutely runs into oncoming traffic

those cars were not even slowing down girl they were just like HONK MOVE OR DIE

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS FLYTRAP MY GIRL

okay mini rant incoming i already did a post on this like a billion years ago but flytrap is one of my favorites because in my opinion she and paper star are the most dangerous villains we ever see in the show. let me. try to find that post actually

yeah here it is

flytrap is also so hot and has the same va as luz so she's just top tier. idk if the team put half the episode budget into celebrity voice actors and thats why we only got 5 episodes but you know what

love how carmen is literally stopping her attempts to get free to banter. girl. stop

shadowsan <3

love how they do not even bother showing the fight they just get their asses handed to them

why didnt they start in veracruz just asking

not the table

ok guys. you can stop with the tango thing now. its okay

that little conversation between ivy and shadowsan is so good

comrades??? sir its not the cold war

article from 17 years ago, thank you for that easy to understand slang

carmen plot armored her way out of getting her skull smashed in on that train so hard that she made maelstrom stupid

its canon both in and outside of the show that color theory is so prevalent that any sort of red at all immediately signals carmen

the colors are so beautiful in this scene. carmen doesnt have her coat or jacket on, everythings just a little desaturated as she searches

THE ACME GANG <3333

not the finger guns and glasses wheeze hes such a loser i love him

THE FORESHADOWING TO EGYPT WITH THE PYRAMIDS ON HER LAPTOP!!!!

love how all we get of julia this season is her being pissed off and then leaving

he was such an asshole for closing her laptop why did he do that 😭

has carmen just been ignoring vile missions for the last season of the year to research her mom or

girlie is so sad about everything

ah yes, the door, the thing you wish to have opened, the best place to lean your full body against after you knock,

i'M SOrry. did you NOT attend a school for THIEVES

HSDGGDG HEY. just broke into your house. im your long lost daughter

i love how she goes DONT TOUCH ANYTHING and then immediately drags her whole arm across the wall and cabinet

also her face when she sees the masks is perfect

okay be honest how many of you have replayed carmen saying maybe mommy at least once. who. raise your hands

shes sooo buff

love how everyone is taking this so seriously and then carmen is just completely apathetic about anything thats going on

dont deadname lupe, carmen

her hair catching a gust of indoor wind for the sole purpose of making her look sick as hell in her intro card is so iconic

as ivy absolutely obliterating zack in the foreground is so fucking funny

she got that "EH EH EH." titter of "HEY NO. DONT YOU DO THAT" down scary well

devineaux strutting im sobbing. julia was doing SO well and then she got paired with devineaux AGAIN

that cab driver looks so concerned about the hulking texan in his backseat

remember when the trailer dropped and we thought those roses were for julia. good times

everyone narrowly avoiding each other as they pull in

you just know ivy smacked zack when he protested to decoy time hdsafhadsg

gotta say the "EH?" while getsuring to the trophies is fucking hilarious. obviously julia knows she wouldnt go after those but its so funny

i do love the way carmen just shrinks any time brunt appears. she is soooo traumatized

VAMOOSE EL MASKO SHES SO ACCURATREIUSDHKFSKHFD SHES EXACTLY WHAT MIDDLE AGED AMERICAN SOUTHERNERS SOUND LIKE

LUPE IS SO FUCKING COOL

devineaux showcasing his braincells for a spilt second this episode

ah, so begins the not a good time mantra

devineaux getting absolutely decimated because he thinks coach brunt thinks hes handsome is so funny

the referee watching two apparent civilians enter the ring: 🙂

carmen is so funny here. she uncuffs herself and then just leaves devineaux to die like fuck his ass he can get smooshed

carmen getting increasingly mad at devineaux while she drags him places is my favorite part of the episode

also, either carmen got stronger or devineaux had a few bouts of crazed research where he didnt eat, but she can drag him easily now as opposed to when she was struggling back at the trap in poitiers

they put this shot in the trailer and without context it just looked like carmen was standing there glaring at brunt menacingly

the cat burglar <3

worst fucking ref on the planet i love him

was carmen stopping to listen to julia's voice i would like to think so

ah the devineaux and cars gag. i mean, to be fair, it wasnt his fault this time

starts beatboxing

carmen really just dumped her whole life story on lupe thats so funny. girlie started the day preparing for a match, got her house broken into, and then ended the day learning about a global crime syndicate

they really ended s2 going THE NEXT SEASON WILL FOCUS ON CARMENS MOM and then started s3 going well actually um okay so

theres our transition sentence

lupe's yellow and blue palette btw!! cs color theory i love you

lupe is more of a mom than carlotta ever gets to be thats sad honestly

carmens little smile ough

here is a shot that very succinctly illustrates the dynamics in the coming seasons. the three at the table stand strong- always have. roundy is basically a footnote no one cares about him and then brunt...brunt is sort of on the edge. this carries over all the way into s4 when malestrom tries to drown her

oh my god i forgot about the weird halloween thing the faculty has going on this season i love it

my analysis is right in time for spooky season >:) halloween IS nearly upon us!!!

OKAY well my thoughts on the luchadora tango caper...pretty good. honestly its kind of net zero information because we introduce the premise of finding carmens mom and then immediately abandon it but it sets up um....well....it sets up....what does it set up

anyway- not my favorite episode, even though lupe is fucking awesome. i think it suffers a little from deviating from that classic caper structure and jumping around, but it does its job as an introductory episode.

until we return, sayonara, mon amigos!

[kerizaret]

you'll never guess who's back. it's me! 🎹! your mutual in law who introduced themself like 5 months ago and then promptly fucked off forever! HAHSHSHSHSHSH

sorry for. disappearing there have been many Events. i live in a sitcom. that's neither here nor there

how are you? how was the new year and holidays n stuff? good hopefully!! i'm writing this ask as i'm falling asleep DHDJDHHF forgive me if i make some grammar mistakes

i like writing long anon asks because it sort of feels like i'm writing a letter. i used to write letters to a family friend all the time, but i rarely ever sent them. writing letters physically is so much easier than emails (< had to write an email like a month ago and still hasn't recovered)

anyways!!! i hope you're doing well, sorry for disappearing and also just barging in after so long DGHDHDHHDHD sending good vibes :D

OMG!!! HII!!! 🎹 anon is back! Yayay!!!

Don't worry about disappearing haha, heavens know people sometimes need a break. Glad to see you back though!!! It makes it feel special you're here now :D hope you're doing alright even despite the chaos <33

My holidays passed well! Ended up kind of busier than expected, but in a good way ^^ Visited some family and friends, made some art, cooked some and all, so it was nice. Just nothing exciting, not that I'm complaining ^^

Long asks are funnnn! It's always nice to read them through. (They might just take a moment longer for me to answer but thats just me ahhdhsh)

It's very sweet you wrote letters! That's such a nice gesture and shows how much you cate about them, even if they havent gotten them <3 and it's something very special and precious in modern times, so I think it's lovely. I have a letter to write myself actually, but u can't find time or motivation to start it (´ﾍ｀；) I want to do it tho,,

As for your grammar mistakes, first of all you didn't make any, second of all dont worry about them at all <3, and third of all just remember:

Sending good vibes back!

[angelmichelangelo]

Hey! 👋

I saw your post of having a hard time today, so hope this helps!!

I am about to ask you a series of questions, (of which you have the right to refuse to answer if you’re not comfortable), and hopefully this will help distract you. 😁

1. Who is your favorite TMNT brother to write fics about?

2. What fic that you have written are you the most proud of?

3. How many medical-based TMNT fics have you written?

Now enough about what you write- let’s get to know you a bit better. :)

1. What is your favorite color?

2. Have you ever watched a sunrise before? If so, where and when? (If you can remember!)

3. What is your favorite snack while you work?

4. Does your closet consist of lighter or darker colors?

5. Do you have any pets? :)

6. Are you aware that your fics make so many people very happy, and have touched all of our hearts in ways we can’t well describe? (I WILL make fanart GOSHDARN IT- There’s just SO MANY Fics to choose from HAHA)

7. Do you have any OCs that no one in particular could draw? 😁

Hope this helps you, Angelo! (Is it alright if I call you that?) You got this!! Hang in there, and remember to take things slow. Run your race at your own pace. 💙

~ Melissa

hello there friend! :) thank you very much for this ask!!

to answer your questions!

1. i would say that mikey or leo is my favourite to write just because they have a special place in my heart 🥺

2. i’d say the fic im most proud of would be my glass turtles fic. it was a lot when i was writing it and maybe the only tmnt fic ive ever had hate on?😅 but it’s a fic that i am really glad i stuck with and put out there :)

3. i love me a good sick!fic !! and any whump fics are just like. pure gold to my heart lol — i do quite enjoy writing sainw fics were mikey loses his arm or i have a soft spot for epileptic rise mikey after the movie events :) but i plan on more medical based fics because it’s all i know lol

and as for me !!

1. i love the colour orange :) my bedroom is orange and everyone told me it would look silly but it’s so warm and glowy and makes me feel so safe :)

2. i had a really amazing opportunity to go to thailand just before the 2020 pandemic where i stayed in a little villa on a beach. i was having pretty bad jet lag and woke up early nearly every morning i was there and would just go sit on this quiet, empty beach with the warmth on my face as the sun came up. this was just a few months before my life got really hectic with family members becoming ill/dying and i just appreciate that i got to have that to kind of hold onto, in a way. to always remind me of the goodness in the world <3

3. i have a terrible habit of underrating at work 😬 but sometimes the kitchen staff are nice enough to make me up some potato croquettes that are just so so nice haha

4. my closet is a complete mismatch! :D i dont really have a set style of pretty much anything in my life so its a healthy mixture of lights and darks and all in between :)

5. i do!! i have a black cat that is just the sweetest lady in the whole world :3 she likes to sleep under the blankets curled up next to me and chew on my hair lol

6. oh 🥺🥺🥺 that really does mean so much.. i love writing fic and have done for the last, like 10 years ive been active in fandom spaces online. i have so much fun interaction with people through them and whenever someone tells me what it means to them is just like, maybe possibly the best feeling in the world. i appreciate that so much, thank you. (and any and all fanart is just gonna make my heart explode in the best way possible)

7. i don’t have any OCs for tmnt really. i mean, a long long time ago i had a fic idea of another turtle that reunites with them as is like. a motherly kind of figure but that never took off the ground and i haven’t really revisited it in like the last 8ish years lol but who knows! maybe 2025 will be the year of OCs!!

and it’s perfectly fine :) you can call me angelo, angel — i know a few people have and i think it’s really sweet :’) thank you so very much for this ask, im holding it very close to my heart <33

have an amazing day, thank you again !!

[riddlerosehearts]

HII ITS IDIAVIL ANON AGAIN!!! i wanted to respond to the post u made in response to my ask... I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND NOT BEING ABLE 2 WRITE FICS LIKE!! ive been creatively writing for years and when it comes to stuff im rlly passionate abt i can become super duper creative. my struggle with writing fanfic is finding the time and motivation, plus my adhd makes it difficult for me to focus, BUT IVE BEEN DOING BETTER RECENTLY!!! im kinda familiar with wicked? i saw it on stage back when i was just a wee lad but i dont remember much of it (i honestly think i fell asleep ;-;) but i've been wanting to watch both the play and the new movie, i just haven't gotten to it yet. i will definitely keep this in mind as i watch both!! a few weeks ago i actually watched jennifer's body for the first time, i'd been wanting to watch it but then i saw someone mention a jennifer's body idiavil au and oh my gods i literally couldnt stop thinking about it. i've definitely kept that au in mind, and i will do the same for the wicked au!! when i do eventually watch wicked i'll probably send another giant yapping paragraph in ur asks abt it... ALSO PLEEASEE I WOULD LOVE LOVE LOVE TO HEAR MORE ABT UR AU IT SEEMS SO COOL!!! also. hercules au. oh my god u get me. i'm not exaggerating when i say i've thought abt the idiavil meg and hercules parallel at least once a day for the past like five or so months. i NEVER stop talking to my friends about it EVER. i was actually on a disney cruise (twas a family trip) about a month ago and they had a giant tv above the pool, they showed a movie every fifteen minutes (after the movie prior had ended) and WHEN I TELL YOU I FREAKED OUT WHEN I SAW THEY HAD A SHOWING FOR HERCULES. AND I HAD TO RESIST FROM STIMMING (i get embarrassed when i stim in public bc i dont like being looked at or percieved like ever) DURING WONT SAY IM IN LOVE LIKE THATS PROBABLY MY FAVORITE DISNEY SONG OF ALL TIME OH MY GOODNESS. I WOULDNT STOP TEXTING MY FRIEND AND TALKING ABOUT IDIAVIL. also i did see ur response and oh my goodness i think abt it so much. ill probably share the keychains and playlists off anon later... also i LOVE the fact u keep ur pins of them next to each other... my birthday was actually a while ago (oct 28th) but the art has been delayed bc shes been busy which idm, shes putting a ton of effort into it. ill also probably share that off anon whenever its done!! alr im gonna wrap this up, i do have a few things i have to get done soon but i'll try to send in those playlists and pictures of the keychains b4 i go to bed tn!!

hi again haha!! whenever you watch the wicked movie i really hope you enjoy it! just keep in mind that they kind of, extended every single scene in act 1 to make it 2.5 hours long (when the whole stage musical with both acts combined is that length), so it's only a part 1 and we won't get part 2 until next year. which admittedly DOES bug me but i still loved the movie anyway. if you want to watch the stage musical after that, well, the people who record bootlegs usually ask you not to put them on youtube but people do anyway AKJDGJFSG. so you can probably find one easily enough! it's my absolute favorite musical! when i went to see it live in april, i kept thinking "well, vil does share glinda's love of fashion and her popularity and ambition, but he's different from her in a lot of ways too! for example, he doesn't believe that popularity is the only thing that really matters, and he would never sacrifice his own morals and ideals to achieve his goals... oh... wait..." and then i realized that the whole plot of book 5 is that vil kind of DID do all that! that's the whole tragedy of it, that he overblotted because he DID start to think that his hard work was meaningless and that he SHOULD resort to any means possible to be the most popular at the expense of his moral compass, and he thought of himself as ugly for doing so! he COULD have ended up basically alone, being praised by others around him as beautiful and good while inside he secretly believes himself to be wicked, just like glinda if his friends hadn't done everything to stop him from poisoning neige.

and idia may not be an animal rights activist like elphaba, nor is she an otaku LOL, but elphaba grew up lonely and ostracized because of her green skin and idia's family curse forced him to grow up isolated on the isle of woe and have blue fire for hair. she's a caretaker for her disabled sister whose father blames her for her condition, and idia has a robot brother whose death he blames himself for. elphaba is jaded and sarcastic and abrasive and deeply insecure, and who else fits that description? the only issue is that idia is far too pessimistic about the future to decide to do what elphaba does in defying gravity on his own, but i think in an AU he could be pushed to do it. also there's this part in wicked where after glinda and elphaba get back from a big dance at the ozdust ballroom glinda says "was that your first party?!" and elphaba deadpans "does a funeral count?" and i can just so clearly see that with idia and vil AFKJDGHF. there's so many other scenes too that i just see as being perfect for them.

as for fiyero i had two ideas here: in the actual musical, there's a love triangle in which elphaba and fiyero ultimately end up together but as i mentioned i would want to give my AU a happy ending and make vil and idia end up together in it. so i would do one of two things: 1) cast kalim as fiyero, because he literally just fits the role perfectly. fiyero is a foreign prince, and look at the lyrics to dancing through life and try to tell me kalim wouldn't sing this. but i don't ship kalim with either vil or idia, so in this scenario i'd probably cut the love triangle and have him somehow end up as their bestie who supports whatever insane gay thing those two have got going on. imo kalim really does fit fiyero better than anyone else and this idea is just so funny to me. or 2) cast rook as fiyero, keep the love triangle, and have it end in polyamory because even though i've never even considered shipping rook with idia i do ship rook/vil and i think this would be hilarious as an AU. also, there's a scene in wicked where glinda and elphaba are hanging out and glinda is like "let's tell each other our best secrets! i'll go first! FIYERO AND I ARE GOING TO BE MARRIED!!!" and since they've just started dating elphaba is like "he's asked you already??" and then glinda goes "oh no, he doesn't know yet!" and imagining vil saying that about rook just makes me laugh so hard.

OKAY. so there is an incomplete summary of my thoughts on a vilidia wicked AU!! honestly i don't really watch horror movies so i haven't seen jennifer's body but if i ever do watch it i'll have to keep that AU idea in mind. as for the hercules parallel idk if you've seen this post of mine but it makes me so happy every time someone likes or reblogs it because then i get to think about them again. hercules/meg has always been one of my favorite disney couples so when i saw this happen in book 6 i was immediately just. doomed to be insane about vil/idia forever because are you KIDDING ME?? also your birthday is right after mine omg, mine was october 25th!! so a late happy birthday to you, then! one last thing i'd like to say in this already way too long response is that i have two sets of floyd and riddle nuis--listen, they're my other favorite ship so i bought the first ones online and then saw more at a con i went to and couldn't resist--and i'm going to be getting idia and ortho nuis for christmas. hopefully soon i'll be able to get a vil nui as well so i can keep him right next to his boyfriend and his film club buddy/future brother-in-law 💙💜

[noonbeam17]

For the ask game

4/5, 8, 25?

HIII I ONLY JUST NOW CHECKED TUMBLR </3

4/5 - about a year ago my parents watched severance and my mom was like You Need To Watch Severance Its So Fucking Good and i put it off for forever but then i was finally like "okay ill watch severance with yall ^_^" and ITS CRAAAAAAZY. i briefly mentioned severance in the irl chat [mainly that lumon industries is deadass just hailsham never let me go but without being weird about sex] but like SEASON 2 IS COMING OUT JANUARY 27 AND ITS GONNA BE CRAAAAAAAAAAZY

8 - game of the yearrrrr game of the year. i cant immediately think of something off the top of my head ........ OH WAIT !! EVERHOOD !!!!!!! its so awesome its so cool. everhood 2 is coming out sometime like. either next year or 2026 i forget. HYPE NONETHELESS !!!!! its so good ive mentioned this one in the server as well. i think you would like it tbh ^_^

25 - hoohoohooooooo ^_^ this is a newer thing .... infodumping helps me figure things out this is AWESOME !!!! alright alright lets go ^_^ putting this under the cut because i have a feeling its gonna be long

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALRIGHT !!!!! these guys came about a month ago. so i was thinking about quarantine queer culture and how like. how do you describe it actually. we were like hyperaware of everything but also we knew Nothing. it was a bit of a shitshow but there were nice memories from it. there was such a Monotony to it but hashtag at least you werent alone in it. so i drew little concepts for the first four but i didnt have anything else. i had the designs and the fact that it was in 2020-2021, but no story.

and then the very next day i remembered. this one concept i made over a year ago. it was basically the world is trapped in a timeloop but only 5 people are aware of it. the reason theyre trapped in a timeloop is because the universe was getting old and ending and so it was like im gonna put everyone in a timeloop so that they dont have to experience it ^_^ and those 5 were the anomalies that kept their memories. and because theyre still kind of aware of everything theyre absorbing the end of the world and hashtag body horror yk. and they gotta stop it somehow. HOWEVER i wasnt attached to the characters and i just kinda Forgor. so then i was like heehee. haha. i could get insane with it. so now the angst goes to them!

i dont have them fleshed out that much yet but heres what i have so far !!!!!!

i only have names for the third fourth and fifth ones [natalie/nat, zoe, moss [probably gonna add another name for them] and i have pronouns for all of them. in order: he/they/it, any pronouns [they/them pref], she/they/fae, she/they, he/they/plant neos, and they/it ^_^

they all have aesthetics, which in order are space[? i guess], alt [especially of the time but like a bit on a budget], artsy[? also i guess], okay wait actually theres no specific aesthetic for zoe because shes closeted and trying to look Normal for her family HGDVFKJN, cottagecore, and dark academia ^_^

originally i had the body horror be based around their aesthetics but now i think its gonna be based around problems with the community at the time. the only thing i have is nat is gonna be like i need the Exact Label that describes me and if i cant figure out what my gender is i will Die Badly [nat is probably the most like me from quarantine HGDLAFKJVN]

the sixth one is probably gonna be plural. i was debating it because like systems were very present in quarantine but also im scared all the time and am like what if i accidentally make them "hi im arson and these are my ten morbillion dsmp alters and also the Evil One". but im convincing myself that hashtag it will be okay i just need to do research and ask around and stuff.

the first one can do tarot readings. just a little bit of trivia that i stole from an old acquaintance of mine back in 2020

AND THATS ALL I HAVE ON EM SO FAR YAYYYYYYYYY ^_^

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas, reg kin anon back already haha

(again, cw/tw for medical stuff and complicated family dynamics)

firstly, thank you for your supportive and kind words, they really do mean a lot to me (and everyone else you help; youre genuinely such a wonderful person and deserve everything good in life ♡)

i think ive come to the conclusion that i havent really processed the whole situation yet, honestly. even though i wrote it to you, i havent actually said the words out loud about my mother's diagnosis (and honestly writing them out again is a struggle haha, like my fingers are blocked from doing it), and it kind of feels like saying it makes it real? does that make sense? i dunno. it feels so impossible to imagine my mother being genuinely sick with something so serious. 'my mother' and 'cancer' dont fit in the same sentence.

but i didnt really realise until now just how major of a major life event this is for everyone and everything. because (and remember, i have a very complicated relationship with my mother. i once defined it as 'i dont have to like you to love you' and i think thats really relevant to now, too) my mother was going to help me with moving out (both buying things ill need, as well as actually moving out on the day) but she told me yesterday that ill have to go out to get things myself because she physically cant right now. i didnt think id mind so much, i like having my own independance and doing things myself, but i went out today to buy everything i need and i was struggling so much more than i thought. i genuinely almost had a breakdown crying in the first shop i went to.

honestly part of that was because i had no idea what i needed or where was best to get it or what any of the fancy words about different types of stuff meant (like, who even knows what depth their mattress is to buy the right bedsheet?? what is a tog??? whats the difference between a bath sheet and a bath towel?? they look the same!) but also because that was something we were supposed to do together. i dont like her and theres so much about her i want to change, but theres a huge part of me that was looking forward to a parent/child experience that so many normal families have, especially because i didnt get a lot of other typical 'growing up' moments with my parents due to how my family is.

part of me, in all honesty, considered waiting to move out, partly so that she could still be part of it, and partly so that i was in a better place emotionally to be able to handle the change. but if i were to do that, id have to wait another year (im moving out to go to university, and i already put it off last year to get a job instead because i was scared and anxious about university) and i dont know that i could go a whole extra year stuck at home. theoretically, i could afford to move out and rent (or buy, if i went to one of the cheap areas) when i felt ready in however many months time, but itd be a huge drain on my savings and would be nowhere near where ill be for school the following year so itd be a waste of money and time. itd be stupid and silly for me to put off university for another year, but i did consider it. i wont, but part of me is scared and wants to.

i met up with my older brother for lunch while i was out (who, sticking with the black family dynamics, is kind of like the andromeda of my family. he moved out 5 years ago to break away from the family and rarely comes home, and is probably the one person in my life who i feel genuinely comfortable and safe around) and we talked about it which was nice, especially considering my family is typically very much a 'do not talk about your feelings at all' sort of family, and as a whole we have not discussed anything further about my mother's health or how we're all handling it since that first conversation. he was super gentle and caring and honestly that in itself made me want to cry a bit because hes just so not at all like our parents?? idk who raised him but i wish theyd raised me too hahaha

but anyway, he was really open and supporting with me. he talked a bit about how he was feeling (which was super validating, because he was also hit hard by it and had complex feelings about it all) and he was really clear too that if i needed anything at all, i could always go to him and would always be welcome at his flat if i needed time away, even when i move out. (seriously, who raised this perfect older brother????) basically he was everything i needed in that moment and i am really genuinely thankful he exists, so at least my parents made one decent thing haha

still, though. i think its starting to hit me now just how many things are going to change and, as selfish as it is, how many things im going to lose and miss out on because of it. i dont like my mother, but i want her there to help me take that next step in my adult life, yknow? she, nor my father, have explicitly said she wont be able to help on moving day, but its not likely, and theres no way on earth i could ever ask whether she will (again: selfish thinking.)

my brother did mention, though, that the type of cancer our mother has is apparently one of the worse types if it isnt caught early enough. as far as i understand it (which isnt much, honestly, i dont understand much with medicine), she has cancer in her abdomen and its usually caught too late to get rid of. i didnt know this until today, i think our father didnt want to worry me? but i dont actually know how far along the cancer is (which stage it is? i think thats the right term) and i dont know at what stage it becomes too late. my brother also didnt seem to know, but now thats put a new worry in my head because my father explicitly did not mention that to me, so of course my brain has jumped to conclusions about why and what that means. im trying not to spiral, but ever since i found out about her diagnosis, i dont actually think ive gone ten minutes without 'fuck, my mother has cancer' or something similar going through my head, and restarting the breakdown id just pushed down again.

as expected, my sister was already making inappropriate jokes about it by the next time i saw her. i spoke to my brother about this too (hes cut contact with her entirely, like i plan to) and that was part of why he offered to let me stay with him if i ever needed; to escape our sister as much as our mother. i dont understand how she doesnt care a single bit. i know shes never got along with our parents but like, at least have a little decency and sensitivity?? she was literally laughing about it and i just... i dont get how someone could be such an awful person. sure whatever, she doesnt have to be upset if she really doesnt care, but thats crossing a fucking line.

this is getting to be another long ask so im gonna stop here for now, but before i do i just want to say thank you again for being such a safe place for myself and others. you are so, so wonderful cas ♡

- reg kin anon

Hi hon ❤️❤️❤️

I know there’s not a lot I can say right now to make you feel better because unfortunately I don’t know the future. I don’t know how this will turn out and neither do you. But I want to say again that your feelings - all of them - are okay and valid and none of them are bad or shameful. It’s okay to mourn the things that you might miss and it’s okay to have mixed emotions. No feelings are right or wrong here, and I’m here when you need to vent. Also I know move in Day will be hard but I’m so proud of you for continuing to prepare for university.

Sending so much love ❤️

[tunawithsoysauce]

Stuff you might wanna know :3

about ~me~

Name: Finn/Todd Henriksson

Age: 13 (2011)

Swedish, third generation Finnish

Weird

Transboy

Bisexual

👆 the main stuff. Scroll for a bit more detailed bullshit.

▪︎I LOVE MUSIC!!! I go to a music highschool, my parents are musicians and I love singing and playing french horn. Fun thing, right!?

▪︎I'M TRANS (wow!) I'm transmasc, and have been as long as I can remember (I came out at eight, I believe?) And my pronouns are he/him! I'm a boy. Only boy.

▪︎I USUALLY DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING (wha) I don't know what im doing. Most of the time. Id like to believe im kind and try to be good, but you know. It is what it is.

▪︎HAIR DYE AND ROCKS! (lmao what) i love dying my hair. And rocks. Not cool rocks. Just... rocks.

▪︎ART!!!! (YIPPIE !) I love drawing and writing and stuff like that. Very fun. Its like the only thing I do haha

▪︎NERD!!! (OFc) I love fixating on stuff. Which leads me to our next segment...

▪︎Interests (online)

The main ones AREEEE: *drumroll*

1. Doctor who! (My sister used to love it. She showed me it all and now im as big a nerd as she is.)

2. Sherlock holmes! (Or Sherlock & co. Both. Mostly just the novels. The BBC show if you make me.)

3. Good omens! Or Neil gaiman in general! (He's very cool)

Eeeeh otherwise im very obsessed with loads of stuffs. Just. Ask me if ive seen something, ill probably have.

Family!

▪︎Mum & dad! (My mum's mean sometimes. Not all the time. She can be good. She’s just... she has a diffrent way of loving.) (Dad! He's amazing. I love him.)

▪︎ main siblings! (I have two fully bio siblings. Otto, and Ruben. Otto is 6 and Ruben is 14. Otto is silly, my big brother is amazing. He's my true rolemodel :))

▪︎ half siblings (I DONT ACTUALLY CALL THEM HALF SIBLINGS)

A) -Anna!! She's the one im closest to. She’s the youngest (26) and has a cat and a fiancee (Jim.) Jim's cool. Very silly. He's also sort of a role model, for me. He's been in my life for all of it, I think? My sister had a boyfriend before that. He was very quiet. Anna is very nice and I love having sleepovers with her. She was also the one who introduced me to Doctor who!! We always have so much fun. She really likes the beatles. Don't know why I put that there. She just really likes them. Felt important.

B) Malin!! My middle big sister. She’s awesome, and She’s got a whole family. A husband (He's amazing and so so so smart i literally think he's so cool) which i think is very rad, and my neice !!! He's called Einar. He's 3. He calls me "uncle Todd" (AJSKSJJDKD)

C) My biggest brother Mattias. He's quiet, but also very awesome. His girlfriend is very nice too. She has green hairdye in her hair. :3)

▪︎FRIENDS!!!

I LOVE MY FRIENDS!!!

This includes:

1. Leija! We met in the beginning of fourth grade. She’s weird like me. And awesome. I love her.

2. Elsa!!! She's been my best friend all my life. Our mums know eachother. She’s kind and beautiful and always makes me happy.

3. Elvira!!! My mandatory lesbian friend. That's a joke. She’s cool. And very nice. She never speaks ill of anyone. She’s truly the kindest human ever.

4. Sofie!!! A non-binary chaos machine. I love them. They're always a joy to be around.

5. Max!!! My absolute best friend. He's amazing even though we barely met even a year ago. I visit him frequently.

5. Jack!!! (Love interest? Kind of dating?)

Side characters (wtf)

▪︎My therapist!! She's called Emma. Uh.

▪︎My father figure!!! Otto. Not to be confused with my little brother.

▪︎ My Swedish teacher!! I just think she's awesome. She’s also called Anna. Not to be confused with my sister.

▪︎ All my finnish friends! Jesus christ if I named all of the finnish blokes ive befriended id die typing.

▪︎ this random dude I met on reddit i haven't talked to for two months :D

▪︎Sofia!! A lady at my school. She’s awesome. She’s practically my step mum. She’s held me while I cried in the nurses office more than I can think.

▪︎ uhm

Hobbies!!

Mondays: french horn B)

Tuesdays: dancing!! (With Elvira:))

Wednesdays: orchestra!! (French horn)

Thursdays: TSS!! (A place you can hang out at)

Fridays: bugging my music teacher and playing drums with my bassist friend until I get kicked out!

School

As previously mentioned i go to a music school. We have music everyday. Its awesome.

I love swedish, music, art, english, french, and history.

I hate P.E, math, science and homeroom.

Bye :33

[pesterloglog]

Gamzee Makara, Dave Strider

Act 5, page 2818

-- terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

TC: AlRiGhT My pInKeSt oF MoThErFuCkIn sTaR MoNkEyS

TC: ArE YoU ReAdY

TC: To gEt tHe hOrNs yOu dOnT HaVe

TC: CoNfIsCaTeD AlL LiKe tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN HoNkTrAbAnD ThEy aRe

TC: BeInG AlL IlLiCiT As tHe vAsT JoKe iTsElF

TC: AnD ThEn

TC: HaNdEd aT RiGhT BaCk tO YoU?

TG: what

TC: HaHa, SeE BrO, tHiS Is hOw i rOlL

TC: I SuPpLy tHe hOrNs tOwArD YoU, mEtApHoRiCaLlY SpEaKiNg

TC: SeE, lIkE

TC: ThAt's kInD Of a tRoLl mEtApHoR

TC: YoU GeTtInG YoUr hOrNs aLl hAnDeD To yOu, If yOu pEePs aNaToMiCaLlY WeRe sUcH To bE LiKe tHaT

TC: DoInG ThAt's tO MeAn lIkE YoU GoT MoThErFuCkIn sAsSeD OuT

TC: As iN TrOlLeD

TC: BuT BrO WhEn i tElL ThAt nOiSe aT YoU

TC: Im lIkE DoInG

TC: A DoUbLe mEtApHoR AlL ThE WaY

TC: AcRoSs sKaIa :o)

TC: BeCaUsE My hOrNs iM AlL AbOuT ArE ThEsE FuNnY HoNk hOrNs InStEaD oF hEaD hOrNs

TC: LiKe wHaT DoEs cLoWnS UsE

TC: AnD WhEn i'm aLl tO InViTe yOu tO GeT A LiTtLe mOtHeRfUcKiN SqUeEzE On

TC: It'lL Be a dOwNeD In, StRaIgHt fLaT, bOaRd sIdEd mIrAcLe iF YoU DoN'T GeT ScArEd sHiTtEnT ClOwNcArS

TC: ThAt's hOw wE PlAy tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN GaMe

TC: HoNk hOnK >:o)

TG: oh god thats right

TG: you were the best troll

TG: i remember now

TC: WhOa, I WaS?

TG: yeah

TG: i mean

TG: in the most ironic and hilarious ways possible

TG: but that really shouldnt even need to be said

TC: ShIt, I MuSt hAvE GoT To nOt rEmEmBeRiNg tHiS SoMeHoW

TG: it was months ago for me

TG: you did your bizarrely oblivious juggalo thing

TG: then bitched and moaned at me for ruining your religion or some horseshit

TG: like i guess a weird crisis in faith i dunno

TG: and then

TG: you kinda got over that i guess

TG: and we both proceeded to have one of the best rap-offs in the history of paradox space

TG: remember

TC: AwW MoThErFuCk, No :o(

TC: I MoSt sUrElY wOuLd gEt mY ReMeMbEr oN FoR A BiTcHtItS TiMe hAd lIkE ThAt

TC: My mInD'S NoT ThAt sHaRp nOw tHoUgH, iT'S BeEn aGeS SiNcE I HaD A GoOd pIe

TG: could be time shit

TG: you might not have had the conversation yet

TC: DoGg, I DoN'T KnOw tHaT Im aT A PlAcE To eVeN CoNtEmPlAtE FoR EnTeRtAiNiNg tHaT KiNd oF ThInG

TC: I DoN'T GeT TiMe

TC: I WaSn't tHe dUdE Of tImE

TC: I WaS ThE

TC: ThE MoThErFuCkIn

TC: BaRd oF

TC: FuCk

TC: I FoRgOt :o(

TG: do you remember if you watched any videos

TG: from earth

TG: that i might have sent

TC: nO

TG: dude i was telling you

TG: youve got to check this out

TG: trust me itll lift your spirits shit will all make sense to you finally

TG: youll finally figure out who you are and why you worship all this ridiculous clown bullshit

TC: Oh, MaN

TC: ThIs sOuNdS AmAzInG, i cAn't sEe hOw i wOuLdN'T Be aLl kIcKiNg tHe wIcKeD ShIt oUt Of sUcH KiNdS Of oPpOrTuNiTiEs

TG: and also why your planet has faygo for some baffling reason

TG: actually no nevermind it doesnt explain that

TG: that still makes no damn sense

TG: but like

TG: the thing youre looking for

TG: your dark clownish salvation or whatever the fuck

TG: your mirthful messiahs

TG: ahahahaha i cant even type that without lmao

TG: anyway theyre here dude

TG: check it out

TG: http://tinyurl.com/MoThErFuCkInMiRaClEs

TC: :oO

[murderenjoyer]

It's really frustrating when people get on my ass for forgetting things. As if I'm actively choosing to eject the information out of my brain. As if, after a conversation, I sit back and nefariously smile and rub my fly hands together and say "heheh, and now I'm going to wipe everything they told me from my mind. Because I don't care about them or their story. Because I don't value them as a friend or a person. Heheh."

I don't forget things because I want to! I don't only forget what you specifically tell me! I forget everything dude my brain is like a sieve and information runs through it like water.

I don't remember the majority of my childhood. Some of it is better off forgotten sure but do you think I'm happy I have essentially no memories of my dad? That I can't remember anything at all about my uncles? My cousins? My aunt? My grandma? They're dead now, I'll never speak to them again, all I had of them were memories. And I dont even have those. What about childhood best friends? Teachers that I enjoyed? Experiences that were important? They're all gone. Lost to the void.

It's happened to me over and over where I'll be somewhere and someone will approach me like "woah Tama hey!! I haven't seen you in so long how have you been?" And I'll have to smile and act excited and reply "heyyy! How are you! long time no see haha!"

And I have no idea who they are. I'll manage to parse via conversation that we apparently used to be close friends. We apparently went to school together and hung out every day. We apparently used to be online pals and we dm'd back and forth all the time. They're literally a part of my family and we used to hang out, we used to chat, we used to live in the same god damn house. And I have no memory of them. Not even a vague shadow of a memory.

It's less of an issue currently because I don't work or handle really anything outside of childcare and house upkeep but it can be downright debilitating.

When I was being questioned about my SA case when I was a teen, I literally could not answer so many of their inquiries. Does he have any distinguishing marks like moles or scars? I don't know. When did the abuse start? I don't know. What are the things he'd say to you? I don't know! I don't know I don't know I literally cannot remember no matter how hard I concentrate! I think back and there's just nothing but blackness, nothing but a void. People assumed that meant I was making it up. People assumed that meant I was lying. Doctors scoffed at me. Police rolled their eyes and talked down to me like I was stupid.

When I'm applying for jobs I can't answer the "list your previous jobs" question. What was my first job? How old was I when I started working? Where was I employed the longest? What was my most recent job? Why did I leave? I don't know!!! I'll think "it was definitely Walmart for sure, stayed for one year, quit six months ago. I started in summer." I'll double-check with my husband. I'll find out I haven't worked there in over five years. That my employment lasted four months. I started in winter.

When I'm trying to sign up for disability benefits, I can't answer the questions. What medications have I taken? I don't know. How many times have I been hospitalized and where? I can't remember. How long have I been moving through the mental health field in general? Who fucking knows man. Who knows. And I'll need to remember to call them on X day at X time to continue with the application process. Might as well just turn me down right here right now because I am surely not going to remember to do it.

"Set a reminder in your calendar set an alarm." Bold of you to assume I'm going to remember to do that and not instantly wipe my mind clean the moment I hang up the call.

When I was in legal trouble the last couple times, I couldn't answer the judges questions. I couldn't describe the timeline. Because I didn't know. I didn't remember.

I don't know my kid's birthdays. My own children, aged 12 and 5. I've had 12 years, 5 years, to memorize this information. When prompted for their DOB I nudge my husband because he knows.

I miss therapy appointments over and over and over. I do have a reminder in my calendar I do have an alarm on my phone! Therapy is every Monday at 1pm like clockwork! But when Monday rolls around and the clock strikes 1, it's the furthest thing from my mind. I don't think to check my calendar just in case because I don't remember that there's a reason to do such a thing in the first place.

I'll think of something and navigate to the google bar and click it and the keypad comes up and I don't know what I was going to search. I don't know why I opened the search tab at all. What was it? What was it? Was it important? I'll go back to my open apps and scroll around hoping to jog my memory. Sometimes it works. Usually it doesn't. Guess I'll never know.

Massive chunks of my experiences and relationships and important shit are just gone. They're gone, deleted out of my mind in an instant, so suddenly and thoroughly that I don't even know I forgot something in the first place. It may as well have never happened at all.

It is a mental problem it is a disability it is not a choice. I keep telling people that when they're mad I forgot some piece of trivia about them, when they're annoyed I flaked on the 3rd scheduled hangout in a row, when they're frustrated I dropped the ball on something that is extremely important. I tell them "I don't know why, I don't know what's wrong with my brain, but my memory is broken. I don't choose what information I do and don't retain. I'm trying I'm really trying but I'm not in control of the situation" and still they talk down to me like I'm an idiot and berate me like I'm being intentionally dismissive and snarl and snap that I fucked something up that I forgot something really really important that they said to me.

Its frustrating living like this. I'm basically floating in a haze with blinders on. I can't see the past. All those happy memories I made with friends and family vanish. All I have left is bits and pieces, little slivers of memories, vague ideas that something happened before.

Do you know how hard it is to live like that? Do you know how sad it is? Not being able to remember anything from your own kids' lives until you open your HD and browse old pictures and videos? Forgetting entire people you were close with? Never being sure of anything ever?

So much of how a person understands and interprets their life, themselves, their loved ones, is based on memories. And I don't have that. I feel like a shard of a person because all the pieces that went into forming me as I am have been lost to time.

It's not a choice, okay? It's not a fucking choice.

[jolynesapphic]

when i was in high school i didn’t know what i wanted to be and i can’t see anything more comforting than being a housewife to a rich person because i figured i’d be dead by now so 😬

[ibblescribbles-archive]

me, after not doing commissions for like 5 months: ah. I want to do comms.

[tiens-letters]

Oohh another request haha. I love this thank you and i hope you like it :>

were the bruises to your heart worth it?

Childe angst

You mulled over your sister's words for the nth time today. Her voice playing on loop inside your head, drifting in and out of a mundane daydream.

"why are you still with him?" you wondered as well as to why you still stuck with Ajax, all these days in 3 years of being wit him. Perhaps it was devotion, it was love to persevere even in the wrath of crumbling times and yet why does your heart ache a little more these days he's been far from you.

The days when he would come home, wounded and tired you were there to nurse him back. Back then it was something you'd do out of care and worry, which was until these recent days where it felt as if it were a job you didnt want to do as he would shrug you off instead and locking himself in another room. You barely remember the time where you both shared a quiet night basking in each other's presence, with limbs in a tangle and your forehead upon his beating chest, it was almost none existent as the home you both had felt so utterly desolate, void of the homey ambience.

Youve endured a month of his uncalled behaviour, breaking you even further as things slipped from your grasp leaving you empty and in agony. There were times you'd silently let tears fall as he slept so soundly beside you, unbothered by your pain. He's become more and more as the harbinger you forgot him to be and not your darling lover Ajax.

He never noticed your puffy eyes, sunken cheeks and dwindling weight yet he noticed all the small mistakes youve made. Where one day, left you with a bruise on the arm due his snake like grip after blowing up on you right after he came home from a long journey to sumeru.

You left. 

Childe came home earlier than expected, once again tired and nursing a few minor wounds on his body. All he wanted was your touch on his skin as you lulled him to sleep only that to his utter surprise that the house was empty. Perhaps you went out for an errand or for another pot of your favourite flower that you kept in the small garden at the back.

Not giving it too much thought, he lounged on the couch awaiting your return, eyelids soon drooping as the soft pillow coaxed him to sleep.

As the grandfather clock swings its pendulum, the sound echoing through the whole room signifying the arrival of midnight, an eerie sound waking Childe back to consciousness. Groggy from rising he scanned the room only to find it darker than before, if it werent for the nearby lamp he switched open, he swore he couldve been swallowed by the darkness.

Were you not home yet?

A dreadful feeling washed over him as your presence was nowhere around the house. He called out for you as he rushed through the halls, a sliver of hope vanishing every corner turned and every door opened led to nothing but misery.

You always leave a note as to where you are going and yet it was another one out of the many abnormalities in his home.

"Darling? Please i hope youre not playing with me!" he calls out to no one in particular, denying the fact of your existence gone with the wind. Your clothes were all intact and so does your other belongings. He thought of every possibility of what couldve befallen his lover, mostly gravitating towards the worst of the worst case scenarious and may the archons forbid, he would never recover from the blow.

"Where are you?!"

Then it dawned on him after much pondering and pulling his falling parts together. The things he did, the words he said it all came flooding through him like a rushing cold river, hitting him fair and square in the chest and came forth an otherworldly pain and regret. He gasps, almost suffocating by the weight of his sins and he wished he had died right then and there in atonement for his crimes.

Soon his vision became bleary as eyes misted over with tears that fell freely from his ocean eyes. He ruined it. Ruined you.

And yet he could not let you go.

Days seemed to pass by so fast that it had already been 5 months of liberation from Ajax's presence. You were slowly building yourself up once again, the temple that was torn down by a single crack, slowly being rebuilt brick by brick.

Your love for Ajax, even if it left quite the bruise to your heart, it was still there, lingering in the air and a part of you missed him so. You wondered how he would be doing, you wondered if he looked for you just as you did when he didnt come home on the date set, you wonder if he wept when he couldnt feel you next to him, just as you did 150 days ago. You wondered if he ever called your name all the while giving a lingering kiss to the painting that hung on the foyer. You wondered if what you both had, had any significance to him at all.

"Stop doing that." you jolted from where you sat, the book falling off your lap as you met your sister's stern glare from across the room.

"Stop doing what?"

"You are thinking about Tartaglia again. Its been over 5 months and that blundering fool never made an effort to find you much less apologize for what he did when you were still there." there was anger in her voice as she recounted the day you came to her door, teary eyed and just utterly torn. Never once did she felt like murdering someone so bad, especially when it had you, her only family involved.

"Im sorry, I-i just--"

"Hush now." she came over in her elegant strides to take you in her arms, the familiar scent of your mother's favorite perfume stayed on her like second skin and you were so grateful that you had her. You let yourself cry in her embrace in quiet comfort.

Childe never stopped.

Secretly searching for atleast a tiny clue of your whereabouts wore him down to the bone and yet he never gave up. How could he? Even if he thought he was so undeserving of you he still pushed on to right what wrong he's made. The details gathered had been insufficient to serve as a lead making Childe more desperate in his attempt to search for you. Nights were spent on scouring places and information seeking and his work, only done in the daytime. He never wasted a wink on sleep as it was an obstacle to getting closer to you and even when his body collapsed due to exhaustion of overworking all he could think was you.

The search has led a certain fatui informant who works for one of the harbingers. With a note slipped in secrecy on a specific time containing an address on the small parchment. It was all Childe needed to fuel his buried hope as he took off towards snezhenaya.

He never imagined he'd arrive right in front of the iron gates that encased the whole estate atop a mountain. The wind bellowed stronger than before as the snow rained harder upon the place. Luckily, he was born in this region and had survived throughout. 

He wondered why you came here, to such a dreadful place but then again, anywhere was better than right by him.

Trying to push open the gates only to be repelled by cryo magic, burning through his gloves and into his skin, leaving fresh burns on his palms as he gasped in pain. Whoever lives here clearly didnt want anyone trespassing much less had a fancy for guests.

He was starting to grow cold as his energy was slowly being siphoned by days of travel, it would only take a matter of time before he passes out.

He calls out, hoping someone inside would hear him.

And you did, only that it seemed like the wind but the time you looked outside the library window, you saw a person outside the gates. The familiar ginger hair tousled with the wind and as you strained your ears to hear and that was when it filled your ears, Ajax's voice. Something you havent heard in quite a long time.

As quick as lightning you stood, half running half gliding through the halways and down the stairs, there was no coherent thought, only him. He was freezing outside the barrier and you pushed yourself more to reach him.

Your figure stepping out through the door was almost like a dream to him. Your name oh so longingly leaving his bluing lips.

"Ajax!" you were in time as you caught his figure which seemed lighter than before. He clung to you, legs desperately tryinf to hold him up. You were here, right in his arms, alive and warm.

"Im sorry. Im so sorry. Please I love you." he rambles on, like a mantra he apologizes over and over again, sobbing and stumbling on his words as he held you so achingly close "Forgive me. Forgive me..."

"Step away from him this instant." your sister, Signora hisses from behind you, just as you were about to coax Ajax she already had a cryo dagger aimed at his head

"Sister please!" you plead, your panic growing as you saw Ajax huffing in labored breaths "Let him come inside or he will freeze to death."

Signora sees the urgency in your eyes and the undying devotion you still hold for the man in your arms. She dematerializes the dagger with a wave of her hand.

"Fine but if I see tears in your eyes then dont you ever dare stop me from what Im going to do to him."

"Thank you sister." you smile at her as she steps backs inside the house and you follow in after her with Ajax leaning on you for support. Once inside, you had him lay on the couch by the fire after helping him out of his winter garments and replacing it for a knitted quilt.

"Im sorry." bloodshot ocean eyes looked at you with so much guilt and a love that you almost forgot "I-i im so so sorry."

"Lets talk about this after youve rested." this time you couldnt look at him, the ache in your heart throbs from the bruises it still nursed. You stood before falling further only for him to catch your shaking hand with his equally shaking one.

"Dont leave." he whimpers, the fear of abandonment increasing as he pleaded for you to stay. instead, you let go of his hand and placed yours instead over his eyes making him uncharacteristically shriek surprising you even more, making you think what other worldly pain he was experiencing as of  the moment. "No! No No.  Please Its dark." 

Ajax cries as he thrashed around because he feared that if he sleeps he would go back to the nightmare of you not by his side and that would leave him all cold and alone just like in the past. he didnt want to go back there, not now when he's seen you. As much as he'd hate to admit, he was truly and utterly terrified but you had to let him rest and with the help of your vision he finally succumbed to a dreamless, peaceful sleep. Only that he calmed down did you notice how much he's lost, where your once sunken cheeks, puffy eyes and weight loss now transferred to him and it made you sick to your stomach. your lips found his forehead as you wished him a good rest, you left the room after bandaging his burned hands to gather yourself for when he finally came to his sensible self.

when you thought it was going to take a full day for him to wake up  only to find him stumbling about in the living room calling your name on his lips like a broken record. you immediately rushed down and burst into the room to find him clutching his head and gasping breathlessly. he looked crazed until he caught sight of you standing by the door, a worried look on your face was when he finally came to. he ran to you, clung to you like it was the last day of the world to live and sighed into your welcoming smell. 

"are you alright now?" you ask him as you part in arms width 

"Hit me." he tells you in all seriousness in his worn out state 

"W-what?" you were certain he was still out of it until he grabbed your hand in an attempt to hit himself to which you stopped immediately 

"Hit me! Scream at me all you want. Call me words Ive called you. Ive broken you! Do you not see that?!" funny how he couldnt see himself, he who's become worse over the course of the months . his tone rose and fell until it was only a whisper above his panting 

"Just dont abandon me." he shuts his eyes, steeling himself for your judgment  until he felt your hands on his face again, making soothing circles on his cheek 

"look at me Ajax." you coax him and he did and he could see assurance and the love for him still remained and he wanted to cry again but tears have long gone abandoned him and left him in such a regretful state, he truly didnt deserve you and you never deserved to be treated that way. "Youve hurt me yes and nothing can change that but I wasnt planning on you leaving you. I couldnt as I love you too much that I wouldnt imagine life without you but Ajax, the things you did to me, to us,  was painful." 

"I know and Im so sorry." he held himself from rambling as the pain in chest grew even more burdensome, something he would willingly carry as he vows to himself to never hurt you and if he did  then he would tear himself down "I love you" 

"and I to you Ajax. Just promise me that when you are having a hard time, let us talk it out and not result to screaming and painful banters." 

"I promise darling. on my life and everything in this world. I vow to never cause you pain like I did and to only give you love and care that someone like you deserve." 

there he was, your Ajax. He was home. 

[constellations-and-energy]

LOL remember a few days ago when I did tarot readings for my medical marijuana card renewal? Well that needs to be put on hold because my heat bill for this month is $330 and HAHA I DONT HAVE $330 TO SPEND ON ONE BILL

So I’ll be putting the money I got from readings and generous tips from last week towards my heat bill and will be hosting readings for the foreseeable future until I can pay my bill!

I will be hosting $5 2-card tarot readings until the end of February! Let’s get this bread and get some cool insight to boot!

My PayPal and Venmo are both in my bio!

$160/$330

Remember that reblogs help way more than likes!!