#that was a visceral feeling
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What the fuck is wrong with me
#i watched the video i posted a few days ago ONCE#and i was snapped out of whatever THAT WAS#i think i need to rewatch es s1#get a fresh wash of my brain#remind myself who im obsessing over#that was a visceral feeling#it was like a vague fondness turned to digust#i heard his voice and really went BLEGH irl
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thinking about the way simon leans into you for a kiss like this— he curls his hand around your throat, and he doesn’t really tug or tighten it, instead uses his hold as a leverage to push himself close to you, like he is sucked into your gravitational force, always orbiting. always tethered.
he doesn’t know how it is to not be with you.
and this kiss, just one of many, shows the attraction he always succumbs to. he holds onto you like the way one would clap their hands around a glittering firefly, snuffing its way out to force it to sparkle only for themselves, and folds himself close like he is about to whisper a wish.
the kiss becomes a prayer; it is his offering to you.
and when he pulls back, you see the way your lips had burned him, leaving him all pinked cheeks and twitching nose. you feel breathless at the weight of his adoration, his reverence, because simon looks at you like you are worth more than the flesh that holds you up.
you swallow, throat bobbing, and simon’s fingers twitch on your skin. his hand around your throat feels like an anchor but you watch the way he still sinks into you.
#simon ghost riley x reader#i dont usually like those -holds their neck to kiss them- bc they tend to always tug the person being ‘choked’#but the vision that simon just grasps you there to feel your humanity before pitching forward to you -not tugging you to him- makes me#breathless w need. its a visceral vision; i so want him to do this to me#suns
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alright we're seb posting now I love him and I can't stand him. here's an older comfort scribble
#my art#UAHGHHGUHH GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEADDD#I need help when I look at him I feel visceral#sketch#sebastian solace#sebastian pressure
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someday... you gotta learn when to QUIT.
#Undertale#f]fuuuck#Sans#frisk#im channeling the 2015 undertale energy that i never got to experience#Because i played this shit in 2020 and am only JUST now feeling the delayed visceral reaction#Undertale is a fucking masterpiece#Toby fox hire me for something. Im begging you#Undertale deltarune whatever i will do it bro#someone get this messag to him somehow !!!!
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watching gravity falls for the first time at the request of my little sister and i just watched a tale of two stans and CRIED
#gravity falls#gravity falls fanart#mabel pines#dipper pines#dipper and mabel#grunkle stan#stan pines#i LOVE grunkle stan sm#it's a great show!#i can feel it inscribing itself on my brain lol#art#illustration#digital art#fanart#artists on tumblr#clip studio paint#csp#bill cipher#i literally was like why is this triangle guy bothering the children?? and my sister was like uhhh he's the main villain lol#NO SPOILERS PLEASE I BEG i know the show came out like 10 yrs ago but i don't know how it ends#i viscerally remember my sister walking around going the author of the journals...my BROTHER and i was like what are you TALKING about
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all i have left
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fanart#jjk fanart#fushiguro megumi#itadori yuuji#yuuji#megumi#hhhhhhhhh why angsty mood im hurting my me :((((((#go from megumi angst 2 dumb outfits then HARD pivot back 2 angst#u dont understand th clench in my heart i get drawing th sukuna scars on megumi i genuinely hate it so much#theyre such a Part of yuuji's design tht drawing them on megumi feels so viscerally wrong n it just hammers home that nothing is alright#had to listen 2 the cutesiest music possible while drawing this 2 keep myself sane#miku miku beam th pain away :)#real talk tho like. im really not one to b terribly emotionally affected by my own art. or to draw from my Own emotional state at all rly#i tend 2 keep myself pretty distant#but theres smth abt this one man this one pulls at th kokoro :(#suffering from success ig :/#created an emotionally poignant piece n it hurt. 0/10 wld not recommend. am going back to drawing boys shirtless >:c#gna draw something else so i stop feeling genuine human emotion
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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.
Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?
Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.
The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.
Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.
It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.
I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.
He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.
#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#STANLEYYYYYY#STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants#Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with#the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten#The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you#that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help#If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once#Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON#I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin“; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming#But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything#Like he really mattered so little to the people around him#and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too#I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him#The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things#And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year#Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people#the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better#its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand
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Shout-out to Dungeon Meshi fan artists. Y'all have created some of the rawest, viscerally beautiful art I have ever seen. It's made me feel the vulnerability of being mortal and yet the divinity within being human. It's made me understand the value of flesh and blood and bone and love and soup and need and friendship.
And also, a bunch of weirdos having silly little found family hijinks. Hell yeah!!
#idk i have big Feelings about art#especially like.... pretty gore#visceral humanity of flesh motif#humanity vs monstrosity motifs but like... make them lovers. god.#okay. anyway.#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#laios touden#falin touden#marcille donato#senshi#chilchuk tims#dunmeshi#izutsumi#my shit
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sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go
#the locked tomb#harrowhark nonagesimus#john gaius#harrow the ninth#this is why I don't buy john as misunderstood and initially well-meaning AT ALL#this is a pattern you see with him again and again and again -- right down to his interpersonal relationships#(and indeed it's in the more grounded interpersonal relationships you can most clearly see him as he is I think#the fantasy death empire of a thousand years doesn't register quite as viscerally because it's like. heightened; not quite real#but the emotional violence and manipulation that surrounds him? oh boy that is EXTREMELY real and scarily well-observed)#there's a premeditation to so much of what he does (contracts with planets that only end 'in the event of the emperor's death' anyone?#yeah john we get it you're hilarious and I wish you weren't)#the greatest trick john ever pulled was making anyone think he's just a lil guy. what does he know he's only god#when you first read the book the complete callousness of the other adults is so horrible that john seems like an oasis of care#(though you start to get this uneasy feeling when that care never seems to translate to like... relief or soothing or resolution)#and it makes it feel almost obscene when you find out what's actually going on#it's the mercy & augustine enabler hour but at least they're completely honest in their cruelty there#while john is -- well he sure is being john huh#this is just me being angry with him btw philosophically I don't think this is how the story will or should end#(with john slam dunked right into hell that is)#it's just... harrow is so vulnerable. and what he does to her is so insidious and fucked up#john is very deeply human. unfortunately the capacity to quite simply suck so much is deeply human too
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The trees lumbered across the field.
It was a weird thing to watch. When a tree settled to rest or sniff at an interesting crocus, she could almost believe that it had been rooted to the spot for years; then the huge body would raise up on spidery roots and trundle forward with stupid placidity to follow the herd. When they all had settled to rest in the morning light, it was like the field had been turned into a misty woodland in seconds.
A sapling bounded up to her and sniffed at her wrist before bounding off again, spindly roots kicking with delight.
"It's pretty simple work," said the farmer. "We let them out to get some fresh air and sunlight, check them for blight. Every so often we have to lay out some manure, but that's pretty much it."
She watched the sapling. It stumbled on its own limbs and limped into the shade of its mother.
"It's pretty similar to raising cattle," said the farmer. "We raise them up for a couple years, and when they get big enough we take them down to the slaughterhouse and have them butchered."
"Wouldn't you send them to a logging mill or something?"
"Nope."
A chickadee whirred through the air and lighted onto a branch.
"There's good money in it, too," said the farmer. "There's a lot of demand for certain cuts of tree meat."
"You mean wood?"
"Nope."
There was a blur of branches. The tree ate the chickadee.
#'if this is all building up to a tree farm joke i'm very impressed' she said#'no i think the writer is just feeling weird today' said the farmer#narrativia#short story#microfiction#worldbuilding#if it turns out they do the same bit in dungeon meshi i'm gonna be viscerally upset
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*superglues them together*
Aka, eeeeh fok it. Here's some ougoku stuff I've been sitting on. Happy THOSE GUYS day.
#gonta gokuhara#gokuhara gonta#kokichi ouma#ouma kokichi#kokichi oma#danganronpa#v3#ndrv3#ougoku#ougoku day#awwgoku#wip#I drew some of these for jellybeanbagel to bribe them into finishing their fangame lmao.#2021-2023 stuff#my art#I doubt me liking this ship is a surprise to anyone given my old uploads but tbh it's a miracle that I do. Or should I call it 'anomaly'?#this is very much a 'ship chose me' scenario - my conflicting feelings towards it oddly became part of the appeal that I learned to embrace#it's complicated and might be due to me being prolly uncommon case of Gonta-main ougoku enjoyer and maybe also a masochist sdfdf#but I will never object to Gonta being treated kindly when it comes to fluff and 'what could've been' potential#and upsetting parts are compelling and deserve to be seen and explored for what they are- it's a waste to justify/idealise or minimize them#and boy do these guys have an emotional range I physically cannot overlook despite visceral and deeply personal pain some parts of it cause#...and also because of it#and on that note - I have some not so sweet nor cozy stuff with them as well that I might compile one day... to balance this post >:)#still tho I promise to give other gonta ships some love too. after all this is only one of my top 3
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Of course Sarenrae became a mortal and started a family even knowing the terrors of the world and that she would have to leave them alone to face them. What is hope in dire times if not believing that there will be a better world for your children to inherit. What is an act of that hope if not trusting that you have taught them well enough to help make that world after you're gone.
#cr spoilers#critical role#cr downfall#I am sooooo viscerally disdainful of climate nihilism ngl and I do have thoughts and feelings about this actually#like. sympathetic to the feelings! but disdainful of the ideology as ideology#ANYWAY I need to work but I have so many THOUGHTS
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Journal 3’s references to Stan
(…does the Lost Pages count as J3 when some had to be in J2 and also may or may not be a truth lie turducken? idk. Ford’s TBoB letters sure as hell don’t count as J3 but I’m including them here anyway)
Lost Journal Pages
"STANLEY COULD HAVE MADE HER LAUGH"
“My stomach sank a bit when I realized… it was my birthday. This day has felt… odd, since S and I… parted ways.”
"I was adjusting my TV antennae for weather reports (looking for ideal conditions for F's first portal test) and spat out my coffee when I saw THIS! My brother hawking scams under the name "Panley Stines." I had half a mind to call that number, just to pretend to be the police and maybe scare S straight for once! There is something so galling about seeing your OWN FACE committing crimes on your own TV! When my Muse saw me break my stress ball, I decided it was finally time to vent about Stanley."
""How about that; you've got an inferior clone! Why didn't you just eat him in the womb? Think of how powerful you'd be!"
"You can't just eat your twin, Bill."
You'd be surprised what you can eat! I say sure, call him if you want him to start mooching off you again! ME, I went no contact with my home dimension and I don't regret it. All they did was hold me back and sabotage my talents! Can you imagine?"
"More than you know. But you do ever wonder if maybe... maybe things could have been different?""
"Our heat budget was so tight that Mom forced S and me to wear one sweater at the same time. (She called it the "Abominable Snow-Stan." Our cat lived in fear of it year-round.)"
“DAMN! This morning I found F rummaging through my old copy of Urban Legends of New Jersey, where I had forgotten I had hidden some old personal items! I’ve quickly re-hidden them here, away from prying eyes.”
"But then he crossed a line. Helplessly I watched Cipher in my own body limp up to a pay phone and dial... STANLEY'S phone number from the infomercial?! No. He wouldn't.
"Hey brother, it's Sixer. I'm going to take a swim in the frozen lake tomorrow, and I might not ever come back, so if you don't hear from me, I just want you to know that it's because I never loved you. BUH-BYEEEEE."
My heart was in my throat until I heard the dial tone... The pay phone was out of order. The message hadn't gotten through. Cipher turned back to address me.
"TSK, TSK, TSK. LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME MAKE YOU DO! TOMORROW'S TAPE IS GONNA BE MUCH WORSE.""
(Bro secret code) "miss you"
“The snow has begun to fall again and there’s very little time. There’s only one left I can turn to to protect my journals while I prepare for the journey…”
"S is an overgrown child with none of my rigorous mental training. Who knows what could happen if Cipher stepped inside Stanley's mind for even one minute...
What if Stanley somehow manages to destroy the portal just like he destroyed my perpetual motion machine? I suppose that machine did work in its own way... It kept me perpetually angry for thirty years."
(Bro secret code) "HAVE I BEEN TOO HARSH ALL ALONG?"
"What if he tries to rope me into his latest get-rich-quick scheme? His latest commercial was for "Stan Sauce: The Miracle Sauce that's too cool for the FDA!"
What if... he mocks me? What if he sees that I abandoned our family to become a recluse on the brink of madness? Could I risk admitting that I was... wrong?
PROS: I have no one else. Well, that settles it. It's time to come face-to-face with a face I haven't seen in 10 years. My own face. Which... is my brother's face. God, I miss sleep."
Ford’s Letters
"In the weeks since Weirdmageddon, I conducted numerous tests on Stanley's mind (his terrible jokes are still intact) and inspected the state for dimensional leakage (we also took turns kicking the statue, and Stanley took a few cracks with a crowbar). I burned every Cipher-shaped item I had ever collected, and even threw away all my one-dollar bills, just to be safe (Stanley, of course, found and pocketed them).
“I emerged from my lab after days of agonized contemplation to find- to my shock- that Mabel was reading the book, out loud, to Stanley, Dipper, Soos, and Wendy!”
“They didn’t see me as an irredeemable screwup. Stanley said, "So, your past is just a giant pile of mistakes? Congratulations- you really are a Pines!”“
"Bill may tell you that happiness requires conquering galaxies and living forever, but I've seen enough of the universe to tell you that he's wrong. I've found my happiness. And it looks like this:"
"If you're reading this... then I am dead. Kidding! Sorry, Stanley thought that would be funny. Ha-ha! We're currently out shopping for harpoons to prepare for our trip to the arctic."
"Stan, if you end breaking into my lab at some point later today- Bravo! Still as good a locksmith as in 8th grade. Beers are under the desk."
(It kinda strikes me that the BoB Lost Journal pages about Stan sound far more like post-portal Ford’s opinions on Stan instead, where he’s openly angry at both being pushed into the portal + at the portal being opened again + his murder suicide attempt being foiled + Stan disowning him + turning his house into a tourist trap + taking his identity vs pre-portal Ford being more… melodramatic(?) constantly being reminded of him but not wanting to linger too long? idk the vibes are different
Plus pre-portal Ford pretty consistently only calls Stan "S” or just refers to him as his brother (with the exception of him writing his name in a Caesar cipher). I think he only ever messes up the general naming scheme a single time when he wrote Fiddleford instead of F
…not to mention the perpetual motion machine comment says thirty instead of ten years)
Other sections: Pre-Portal, Post-Portal, Post-Weirdmageddon
#shout out to all the folks who thought ford was telling stan to find bees#but nevermind all that-- what the hell do you mean snow in glass shard was made of seagull beaks#that finally sank in and i honestly feel viscerally ill#gravity falls#stanley pines#stan pines#ford pines#stanford pines#journal 3#the book of bill#stan twins#thisisnotawebsitedotcom#man we desperately need more post tbob ford cos rereading pre weirdmageddon ford is just depressing#and immediate post weirdmageddon ford still feels like he's finding his footing#i want more of the stan twins teaming up to be assholes to others ksadhksjdhsa that joke to dipper was mean i love that for them#anyway im chewing on the clearly young stan commercial being used when it was supposed to be close to the portal test...
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if the target audience of house was middle-aged cishet dudebros then why are all the promo shots of him so sexually compelling to me personally. like what feelings are these meant to evoke other than “I need to fuck that old man or so help me god”
#I’m a little tipsy rn and I think I hauv covid…#that pic of him in the vicodin bath is making me feel the same way I assume playboy mag enjoyers feel#I need that printed out above my bed#like. WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!!! [jerks off and dies]#house md#greg house#gregory house#hatecrimes md#hugh laurie#the only other fictional male character I have been this viscerally attracted to (as opposed to just gender envious/admiration)#is nbc hannibal lecter#that’s two evil gay doctors. is that my niche kink or something.#I need to see a psychiatrist#or not. considering that I might nut
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Kingdom Hearts 3 - Lich
#kingdom hearts 3#kh3#lich#heartless#my gif#wanted to gif some spooky looking heartless and this seemed like a good one to start with#some pureblood heartless have the design motif of having a hollow heart-shaped cavity in their body#but this one looks particularly visceral as if its heart was ripped out or even exploded out of its chest#it looks like a fresh open wound#i suppose it makes sense that a heartless like this would have pink accent colors to resemble a heart but i feel like there's more to it#there's a sadness to its expression which isn't something that's present in other heartless
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Drawing of a scene from chapter 7 of @entryn17 ‘s fic uncanny all along
#tw blood#oh this fucking fic.#it made me feel things so viscerally#one of the few things that is both well written enough and miserable enough to actually want the comfort part of the hurt comfort#and a lot of the scenes got me#I think in ch7 specifically the ones that really stuck out were this one#and Bonnie in the hallway#previous chapters the not-a-favor-tree tree praying for loop got me sooo so bad#whole thing got me though beginning to end#I kind of hoped this would turn out better. but yk it happens#in stars and time#isat#isat siffrin#isat mirabelle#isat spoilers#fawntonguesart
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