#that took way too long to break up
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So, now I’m really curious. What are your head canons? (Or at least some of your favorite ones, though I’m really fine with hearing the full list if you want to share.)
{Most of the stuff in this list comes into effect after the events of Amphibia unless specifically stated otherwise}
Marcy uses a wheelchair or crutches to get around after Amphibia (my main and favorite headcanon, but not always active depending on the situation I want her to be in)
Marcy has circular scars on her arms and legs from the Core armor and cable things from when she was possessed (nerve ports? electrical scars? :/
Marcy is insanely traumatized and can be triggered by small things TwT
Marcy has nightmares often
Marcy gets panic attacks
Marcy does age regression sometimes, and when she does it’s adorable and Anne but mostly Sasha takes care of her :3
Sasha and Anne (but mostly Sash because I’m just like that) call Marcy lots of sweet nicknames like Marce, Mars, Marshmallow, Marbles, Marmalade, and Mars-Bars, but not Mar-Mar because that’s what Core-Anne and Core-Sasha called her in the illusions. Plus Andrias and he betrayed and stabbed her (My favorite of the nicknames is Marbles) :3 <3
Sasha is the best at comforting Marcy slash calming her down
Marcy still feels guilty for years and years after Amphibia TwT
Marcy has small scars on her face where the helmet cut and dug into her skin
Marcy is really small and kinda skinny
Marcy was really skinny, malnourished, weak, and exhausted after being freed from the Core helmet
The Epilogue is semi canon depending on how i feel, it’s kinda like an AU
Sasha is buff {alternate wording: Sasha has a lot of muscle} (see pic at bottom if possible)
All of the three Amphibia girls are covered in scars, with Anne having the least. I’m debating whether Marcy or Sasha has more
Sasha’s main hairdo is the one she has in the Epilogue, similar to her hair is Season 3 but shorter (like the picture below)
(Not really a headcanon but still) Marcy has soft amber brown eyes, Sasha has cerulean blue eyes, and Anne has chocolate brown eyes
Sasharcy is a thing <3 <3 :D
The period of time that Marcy is in pain and screams during the possession is a good bit longer than in canon, making Andrias pretty much torture her
Olivia and Yunan are Marcy’s newt moms <3
Grime is Sasha’s toad dad
Anne is officially a Plantar and Sprig and Polly are her siblings
Marcy stays unconscious for a few minutes after the helmet comes off
Sasha got super scared and concerned for Marcy when she didn’t wake up immediately after the helmet came off
(This is a maybe) Marcy gets gray hair from the strain the Core put on her body, maybe from the shocking and pain of the initial possession (plus a whole boatload of trauma)
Anne gets white hair from her death/rebirth, not much but some
Marcy’s hair got way longer during the months in the castle after her ‘death’
Sasha got fairly close with Ivy (Sundew) after they joined forces through the resistance
Marcy didn’t get to get clean or sleep as Darcy so she’s in pretty bad condition after
Marcy gets sick often-ish
The rejuvenation tank is referred to as ’the pickle jar’
(This is small but anyway) After Andrias stabs Marcy a trickle of blood goes down her chin from the corner of her mouth (there isn’t blood all over the place because the hot nature of the sword cauterized the stab wound…unfortunately…)
The stabbing seriously messed up Marcy’s torso area
Marcy gets kind of mentally tortured when the Core took over, after she refused the false fantasy they had offered, they used the illusions to mess with her and get at her fears
Marcy wasn’t entirely sure Sasha and Anne were the real thing when saved because the Core messed with her
Marcy was in a lot of pain after being freed from the Core, especially her head
In the AU called ‘You look too much like me’, Marcy gets sick and wounded more and longer than in the OG
Andrias did care for Marcy, just not enough to stand up to his dad for it (come on dude!)
Sasha’s ginormous back injury is NOT ignored and instead addressed properly
Sasha has some trouble walking after the Sasha/Darcy fight because of the GIANT FLIPPING SLASH ON HER BACK!!! Seriously canon, when that kind of thing happens you can’t just say ‘she’s fiiine…’ and leave it! That wound needs consequences! She does end up fully recovered though
Post-canon Anne has an identity crisis cause of the clone stuff and it takes a while to talk to her parents about it
Post-canon Marcy has a guilt complex
Sasha does become a therapist like in the Epilogue
Anne does become a herpetologist like in the Epilogue
You know what, Marcy can be a webtoon artist like in the Epilogue too
Marcy has memory problems because the Core was mean and messed with them >:(
Marcy is autistic, like very autistic (I can’t believe it took me so long to put this!) flappy flappy :D
Marcy is ADHD too
Sasha thinks Marcy is adorable <3
All three Amphibia girls have lots of sweet sweet trauma
They all get flashbacks sometimes, Marcy the worst
Sasha is afraid of falling (I mean after Toad Tower… it makes sense.)
Marcy has chronic pain
That scene in Season 3a at the store where Anne and her parents are play fighting and Anne’s mom comes up behind her and FAKE STABS her with an orange sword, Anne has a bit of a breakdown because that is EXACTLY what happened to Marcy!
Anne is a lot more torn up about seemingly losing Marcy than in canon. Like dude, your friend just got murdered in front of you! The least you can do is be a bit more… i dunno what to say, but anyway! Dude!
Marcy has a couple triggers, like touching her head where the helmet was, touching her upper back and chest (especially the scars) holding her forearms where she was restrained, stuff like that
Marcy is short. It fits much better to her character and makes her cute and offers so many more shipping *cough* Sasharcy *cough* opportunities
Marcy has problems with wearing helmets, it reminds her of the Core helmet, triggers flashbacks
Marcy has huge issues with hurting Sasha or Anne, but mostly Sasha, because of how she hurt them as the Core, gets super worked up about it
Time limit is dumb and stupid and the worst and i’m tired >:/
Marcy gets a bit nervous when she sees orange stuff, way more if it glows (basically Mar no like orange) because of the Core and the fire sword that practically killed her
Marcy can get tired/exhausted easily
Sprig and Ivy have a good relationship
Sasha and Anne care a lot about Marcy, and get worried when she gets hurt or sick or something and it’s great
Sasha is stubborn and doesn’t like to let people know when she’s not doing well
Sasha is very good with kids
Sasha and Marcy’s parents aren’t very good parents
Anne’s parents see Sasha and Marcy kind of like daughters
Anne’s parents make sure all three of the girls are doing okay because the other’s parents don’t
MARCY DOESN’T MOVE please, i need her to stay where people can take care of her (and be worried about her)
Marcy’s blood fades back to red from green quickly
Sasha will sometimes carry Marcy when needed and sometimes when it’s not, just because
Marcy, Sasha, and Anne are really good friends, like really good
You know what, I’m gonna say it again. TIME LIMIT IS STUPID and the worst and I want it to stop, and I’m tired again and I just want to reeeaaad…. Let me read plz TwT
If they were to meet, Marcy and Luz would get along really well and would become nerd friends
Marcy and Sasha are guilt buddies- basically they both can connect and relate through their feelings of guilt for the things they’ve done, allowing them to open up to each other in ways they aren’t able to with others, even Anne
Marcy uses little text emoticons like this when texting or writing- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ hehe :)
When Marcy sleeps, she always snores softly
Sasha is tall
Anne is also tall but not as tall
Marcy is teeny little short and adorable <3 :3
Marcy has *panic attacks* sometimes
Sasha’s favorite sound is Marcy’s giggle because it’s adorable <3
Yulivia is super great and very existent
Yunan likes to watch out for Marcy and stuff
Olivia is tired of being the only adult of the group (Yunan, Marcy, Andrias, and Olivia) and wishes Andrias would act like his 1000-yo self rather than a child… she loves Marcy and Yunan anyway
Yunan and Olivia are very protective of Marcy
Marcy sometimes calls Yulivia ‘mom’
Although… Yunan is ‘mama’ Olivia is ’mom’ Marcy is ‘newtling’ or ‘eft’ or whatever baby newts are called
Yunan and Marcy get really close
Olivia despises Andrias for what he did to Marcy >:(
After the Calamity Trio get home, they all stay at the Boonchuy’s while they recover :)
Marcy has dyspraxia (I found the term and use for Marcy in a fic, look it up if you want to know)
Yunan has dyslexia (i found this in a fic too, and for some reason it fits)
Olivia drinks ‘juice’ but doesn’t have it too often ;)
Marcy and Mr. Boonchuy are besties and game together
Marcy has newt moms she considers better parents than her biological parents (i mean look at a picture down below some Darcies)
Polly would commit arson if you gave her the opportunity >:D
Marcy’s skin is often cold
Sasha is super affectionate <3
When Marcy first got back from Amphibia, she got night terrors almost nightly
Sasha can be really flirty at times
Sasha and Hunter would be best buds and friend-rivals if they met
Sasha is the best after Marcy like wow, i dont even know why but shes my favorite after marce
Sasha does not blame Marcy even one bit for the scar on her back
Marcy loves spicy food but has zero tolerance
Not a headcanon! Matt Braly actually said this: Marcy’s favorite flavor of ice cream is mint-chocolate chip
Marcy uses glasses sometimes and looks adorable in them <3
The girls wear suits instead of dresses occasionally
Yulivia adopts (or has) a daughter that they name Marceline but they call her Marcy, and she’s green
Yunan wags her tail when she’s happy
Yunan is bad at flirting
Yulivia’s daughter has autism like her namesake
Olivia gets really flustered when Yunan does things that show her muscles hehe
Yunan and Olivia have known each other for a long time
Yunan and Olivia tease each other a lot
Yunan calls Olivia ‘Liv’ (that one might actually be canon i’m not entirely sure)
Got this idea from a fic: Yunan eats grubhog bacon as payback/revenge
*GASP* I said I was gonna put his but I didn’t! Well I will now. (See next)
Sasha and Marcy would totally get married if they got stuck in Amphibia together without Anne (basically she didn’t come back after dying, so no shards to go back and no Anne, just Sasharcy)
Marcy doesn’t like wearing tight clothing, partially because it’d touch her scar, partially just a preference
*snicker* Marky Wu B)
Both Sasha and Marcy are no good at cooking, but Sasha is better at it and less likely to set anything on fire
Anne is amazing at cooking
Darcy is totally autistic
Anne is a cat person
Sasha is more of a dog person (wait, she actually says this in season 3b)
Marcy just loves animals, but also birds because it reminds her of Joe
Sasha and Marcy cuddle
Marcy and Sasha are in the hospital for a bit after Amphibia, Anne comes to visit as often as possible
The Boonchuys really care about Marcy and Sasha, even though they weren’t the best friends before, and even though they made some mistakes during their time in Amphibia. The Boonchuys recognize that the two didn’t have the greatest home life and that they went through a lot in Amphibia, neither will be the same mentally or even physically because of their actions, and they have become better people.
Sprig and Polly are ADHD. Definitely.
Anne’s favorite colors are yellow and purple
Sasha gets a tattoo of Grime’s symbol on her bicep
Sasha is bisexual (canonically!)
Anne’s only nickname for Sasha is ‘Sash’, but Sasha lets Marcy call her ‘Sashy’ and ‘Sashimi’ and ‘Sunshine’ and all other cute nicknames its so cuuuute and Sasha doesnt let anyone else call her that
(Why the actual heck do i want to use ‘him’ for Sasha? What?) {yeah no i’m just doin it}
If (pffft if) Sasha and Marcy were in a relationship, Sasha would call Marcy all the nicknames and names you call your gf like babe/baby and honey and sweetie along with all the cute affectionate nicknames Sasha has for Marcy. Sasha would be superaffectionate in all the ways, they’d be super cute together. They’d give each other little kisses a lot, on the cheek and on the head and stuff, and Sasha would be very gentle with Marcy. They’d cuddle together at night to keep nightmares away and to make them feel safer. Can you tell I think about them a lot? If not there’s nothing I can do for you. And sometimes I wonder why a quarter of the fanart i have on my phone is Sasharcy… plus most of the art I make… if it isn’t Marcy on her own it’s Sasha with her. I love it :)
The girls get therapy
At first Marcy covers up as much skin as possible, not wanting people to see her scars. But she eventually becomes more relaxed about it, and wears more open clothing without getting self conscious (got this idea from a piece of fanart, i’ll put it below the stab pictures)
Anne’s parents are named ‘Bee’ (Mr. B) and ‘Oum’ (Mrs. B)
The nickname that Marcy uses for Sasha most often, more often than his actual name, is Sashy
The Calamity Trio has special nicknames for each other: Sunshine, for Sasha; Moonlight, for Marcy; and Stardust for Anne
When Sasha is feeling extra romantic (even just a tiny bit) he’ll call Marcy Moonlight
Sasha and Marcy feel more at home at the Boonchuy’s than their own houses
Marcy is a physical touch love type of person and Sasha provides that for her
Polly and King would probably take over the worlds if they met
All of the people involved with everything get nightmares about it for years afterward
Sasha sometimes has dreams about losing Marcy, and sleeping/cuddling with her helps reassure him
When the Calamity Trio go back to school they don’t really talk to many people
Anne gets super famous from being on tv
Marcy’s hair loses it’s shine/glossiness after the stuff with the Core, and it takes a bit to come back
The Calamity Trio love going to the Renaissance fair, and Anne and Sasha will show off their sword skills and spar with each other
Sometimes Anne or Marcy (but mostly Anne) will eat bugs unprompted, and other people think they’re crazy
Anne loves frogs a ton
Sometimes nightmares, guilt, and memories keep Marcy from sleeping at night
I’m torn between Marcy having a really bad sleep schedule and Sasha needing to drag her to bed or having her sleep a lot to get the rest she needs to get better/stay healthy and alive
Maybe sleep paralysis for Marcy? maybe?
When Marcy sees Andrias again she has a panic attack, complete with flashbacks
The Calamity Trio have tiny flecks of their gem color in their eyes
Marcy is a really good artist and draws a whole lot
Sasha loves Marcy
Marcy loves Sasha
(oh i was supposed to put something else? sorry i got sidetracked by shipping and i’ll just get back to it-)
Sasha loves Marcy’s art and thinks she’s amazing
Marcy draws Sasha sometimes
Sasha and Anne both think Marcy is pretty much the most adorable person ever
Marcy and Sasha may have both had a crush on Anne before, but then they looked at each other (you know how i feel about what happened after)
I like the headcanon of Ally being Marcy’s older sister so i think i’ll use that sometimes
if i did anything swear related Sasha would swear way more than the the other two. Anne would cuss sometimes, but avoids it most of the time. Marcy just doesn’t, unless in a super severe situation, and when she does it startles Sasha a ton (hehe)
before Amphibia, Marcy was super naive and cheerful and happy and very visibly autistic in a lovable way most of the time, and that virtually disappeared after everything that happened to her. but then, months after getting back, Marcy starts to show that side of herself again, and it makes Sasha and Anne so happy they feel like crying when they realize
I think the Calamity Trio would have PTSD, but i don’t really know what that means so take it with a grain of salt
Marcy thinks Sasha looks hot in his toad armor
Marcy very much does not forgive Andrias, he def does not deserve it
Felicia Sundew knows medical stuff and can treat injuries
Marcy cannot tell when someone is being sarcastic or ungenuine, she just can’t tell the difference, so Sasha makes his jokes extra obvious and points it out to her when someone else does it so she can understand
Sasha loves making Marcy happy, it’s his favorite thing ever to see that the things she went through didn’t break her, and that she is still happy despite everything
Sasha and Marcy are really good at making each other feel loved
Anne can be aro/ace so i can leave her out of the ship
Anne ships Sasharcy
Sasha and Sprig get along sort of but won’t admit it
Maddie and Marcy are besties
when Maddie found out what happened to Marcy from Sasha she was devastated and swore vengeance on Andrias
Sasha is really frogging sappy
#ooookay#that took way too long to break up#amphibia#my headcanons#i hope it doesn’t take you TOO long to read it#i had to break it up into a bunch of sections because of the block character limit#THANK YOU FOR ASKING#oh also a ton of it is me talking to myself as well
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Hello! I just discovered your blog and I immediately became captivated by your webcomic, but I'm unsure where to read all of it. I know it's on Webtoons, but I can see it hasn't been updated for a while, and you still post about it.
Are your physical novels just prints of the webcomic? Are they a continuation? Is the story complete? Thanks in advance!
Hi there!
Glad you found me and are enjoying my comic!
It's only on webtoons, and the story is not complete yet! We're 2/3 of the way through right now. It's currently on hiatus, and it's scheduled to come back in about 2 months!
I'll explain why it's been so long if you're curious, but also for my followers who might also be wondering about it under the cut. Sorry, it's pretty much just me complaining haha
I took a month off I took 2 months to get the books printed I took a month to prepare my next comic and I took 2 months to write the rest of the series (I knew the character arcs I wanted, but not the time periods or mysteries!!!) I've been working on actual episodes since then
I had to take some time off because of some pretty extreme burnout due to the sheer amount of work it was to draw over 800 pages and write 6 complete stories in a year and a half... I was getting sick almost weekly due to the overwork, it was really really bad honestly. I was having to work 60+ hours every week just to keep up...
The nature of the comic itself is also difficult... Each of the arcs is a complete, self contained story which can be read (ideally) without context, and my arcs need to be about 10-13 episodes each... And since I have an exact number of episodes to work with, it's even harder.
It takes a ton of planning and a ton of refinement, and working week to week with no breaks I was forced to put out second or even first drafts, so I just wasn't happy with the work I was doing... And to do that for the rest of the series? I wouldn't be proud of the work I did.
Plus... To be entirely honest, webtoon has treated me quite badly IN MY OPINION... They deprioritized me before I launched (I had to beg for more promotion, I'm not exaggerating), they outright denied me the opportunity to even ask for a raise, I don't make any money on fast pass and they pay me less than my partner makes working at trader joes. My first editor left me completely hanging, my second editor (who I loved) was fired... And they told me I wouldn't get a third season before my first season even finished. So it was just repeatedly completely demoralizing.
I'm sorry it has taken so long, it'll have been 10 months by the time I come back. But I realized... I won't get promotion either way. I won't get more episodes either way. I won't get more money either way. So to finish everything, to make it feel good, to make it something I'm proud of, I chose to take longer to make it better.
I am fully aware I will lose a significant amount of my readership for this and it might genuinely affect my career moving forward. But it's what I had to do! So I'm sticking to my guns on it, and I'm confident long term it'll be worth it. It never could have been this good if I didn't take this much time.
#asks#steakandpeanutbuttersandwiches#I'm SO sorry youre new and you asked me such a benign question and I responded with... this... LMAO#I swear to god I tried to make it as short as possible#theres just a lot auauuaghkhgjk#basically. way too much work. not enough money.#so it either is gonna be good and take longer or be worse but come back faster#and I chose to take longer#so.#I'm really sorry and I wish that this decision didn't also come with the... pretty much guarantee that it will negatively impact my career.#I will lose readers. I will lose potential readers for my future work. it looks bad on me as a creator to take such a big break. etc. etc.#but it's good. it's so good. you have to trust me it's like the best stuff Ive ever written#it. ok well to be honest#it'll probably feel extremely simple and extremely natural#but it's been SO much work LMAO#I am not exaggerating I have written over 200 pages of scapped ideas to get to where it is#I'm sure it won't make sense why it took so long while reading but you gotta trust me LMAO#ideally it doesnt even 'feel' different right. cause its gotta be cohesive with the whole thing#but there is SO MUCH TO WRAP UP#THERES SO MUCH#and to make that feel natural in this little space oh my GOD it is so hard#ok omfg I'm doing it again I'm going on way too long again IM SO SORRY#YOURE NEW HERE AND IM DOING THIS IMMEDIATELy#this is like 90% for my followers who I know are curious about this and I'm just using you as a jumping off point to talk about it#cause I don't really like to make standalone posts very often#I likely will make some kind of official announcement about it when the date is extremely set in stone#right now I think it's still only tentatively scheduled so it could still change#and I'll say something more... refined and restrained... then.#but for now this is like. actually everything. I think#I'm sure I forgot something but whatever lmfao
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kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....
#bungou stray dogs#been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me))#cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands)#but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people#first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now#he was groomed since childhood just like dazai#but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there#and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong#but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself#which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong#and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia...#and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO#where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!!#it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay.#chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself#and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him.#didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!!#i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess#and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just#One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall#he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!!#there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma#and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc#it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!!#even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man#both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation#i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda#and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death#oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)
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"You're pretty new at this whole relationship thing, huh?"
"... Yeah."
#outer range s2#outer range s2 spoilers#outer range 02x01#maria olivares#rhett abbott#isabel arraiza#lewis pullman#rhett x maria#um... idk i love them#but why would they do this to me? it's gonna sting so much when they break up#her teasing him is my favorite thing#but also her calling him ''wonderful''? my god the squeal i let out...#the smallest little smile and the way he looked at her before he said ''good'' after she said she likes how she feels when she's with him?!#now i'm rhett going ''don't do this'' but instead of with his truck it's with the show#my biggest gripe is that she doesn't help him that much with his broken arm... except maybe to help him shower? /hj#i get why he was the one to get the snacks... it was for the impact of the scene but still#it's great to see them laughing and smiling so much! love that!#i think she smiled at least once while her poor boyfriend was getting freaked out by cats#he could not keep a straight face for that long after saying ''what does that leave me?''#i wonder what he was gonna say before she said she liked how she feels when she's with him... was he giving her an out?#he has NOTHING pleasant to say about her not even a ''thank you'' after being called wonderful smh /j#tw: food?#my girl didn't even say ''bless you'' when he starting sneezing :(#i switched the last picture because i like the way they were smiling at each other when he got onto the bed#after maria laughs in the car after the buffalo run past them i think i can hear the lowest ''so are we-'' or ''sorry''?#and i think that may be because lew thought isa broke character?? but i'm not too sure... maybe it's rhett apologizing#but idk? maybe it's just rhett saying sorry because he felt self-conscious about maybe sounding stupid... or maybe i'm just hearing things#i think the way he even said ''okay'' after she took all the snacks was similar to the way she said it before she grabbed the snacks#look i understand not getting a shower scene but they truly robbed me of seeing rhett and maria with wet hair...#just another little nitpick but i think the ''i like who i am when i'm with you'' would hit harder if we saw maria in scenes without rhett
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I finally started The Fall of the House of Cabal
Some thoughts:
Meeting Leonie again was so exciting and then meeting Zarenyia again was even better
Zarenyia has big sapphic energy oh my god
I’m really glad I listened to the short story audiobook first, but I haven’t read Christmas at Maple Durham. I know a user here was saying it was on Patreon; I probably should have read that before we meet Leonie here, I didn’t realize she was in that short story.
#i like this motley crew a lot#took a long break between books for depre/ssion death no/te and bill ci/pher#so that's whats been up with me lol#i was originally listening to the audiobooks at the same time as listening to taz vs dracula and wanted to do some crossover art#but thats almost certainly not going to happen im way behind on that podcast now too#but hey fans of johannes cabal listen to taz vs dracula and fans of taz read johannes cabal ok?#johannes cabal#johannes cabal liveblogging
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okay but wait @bumblepony u GENIUS. you gave me an idea:
mariatommy step up au
in which pro-dancer maria miller is in desperate need of a waltz partner for the american dance championships. to her rescue comes tommy miller, the younger and more troublesome and secretly phenomenal swinging-dancing brother of famous ex swing-dancer, joel miller
guess what i did 😋 i made it long
so we start with pro-dancer maria miller as she wins as many dance titles as she possibly can, trying to prove to her mother that quitting law school for dance was worth it. she’s already been taking home a fuck ton of titles as a ballet and lyrical soloist, but lately she’s been interested in smooth forms of ballroom, like the waltz and tango
a good friend of hers, frank, has been her partner for three months, and they’ve been unbeatable so far. literally every competition she they shows up at, other dancers will groan and rolls their eyes like “aw come on bro this is unFAIR” because they already know who first place is going to: maria motherfucking miller. every goddamn time
then, four titles in and two months away from their biggest competition, frank tragically breaks an ankle doing some stupid gardening shit with bill. and it is exactly that: a tragedy. he’s maria miller’s partner, and now he can no longer be that. he might as well be a dead man
frank makes bill tell maria, both because it was his idea to have sex do work in the garden and because he’s too scared to. when he does, she cusses him out so bad that, for once in his life, he has no grumpy smartass response. maria is fucking pissed—because that entire competition, that title, that trophy is supposed to be fucking hers. they already have the perfect choreography, the perfect costumes, the perfect music, the perfect everything. she’s already made space on her awards wall for the crown, the sash, and three-their trophy. this is a batrayal, frank. how could he do this to her????? how could he?????
but maria miller does not dwell on problems: she fixes them. she has replace bill or withdraw from the competition—which she has never done in her entire life. withdrawing, like losing, is not an option. she needs another partner, and she needs one fast
of course homegirl tess would come through—her best friend, retired fellow dancer, and one of the most reputable talent managers in the region. maria calls tess hoping to get in touch with her ex-partner, joel miller, because she wants only the best. he’s known and respected in the dance world as an amazing swing dancer and phenomenal lead in partner-work—much to her chargrin, unfortunately, he’s not dancing anymore. he’s apparently too busy with a new baby, which—great, beautiful, kids are great—does not help her. maria needs someone available, someone good, and someone now
enter tommy miller 🤠 who maria is at first not even willing to consider, because he’s never danced competitively in his entire fucking life (“are you fucking with me, tess? are you trying to fuck with me? i thought we were past the point of fucking with eachother. i though we were friends.” she says, when tess tells her. she gets an eye-roll in response)
to his credit, tess tells her, he’s been dancing alongside his joel all his life. he’s watched him and learned from him and is apparently just as good—he’s even danced with tess, and he impressed her. this impressed maria. when she asks tess why he hasn’t done anything officially to actually prove himself, tess says he’s “not the competitive type,” which is a major turn-off. maria is more than the competitive type—she’s the competition entirely.
still, tess convinces her to give him a chance. they basically meets blind-date style because tess is just like “dude just trust me trust me TRUST ME. meet him at our studio on saturday and freestyle with him. one song. then tell me what you think”
so maria goes, and she waits. she’s dutifully ten minutes early, as she is to every rehearsal. what would be five minutes before their meet time, she hears the studio doors open behind her and lets herself be only a little pleased that he is early. then she turns around to him—and boy, is she very much so pleased
tommy is broad-shouldered and well-dressed and tall, but not too tall, and well-groomed for a man—especially with one with so much hair. my god, just this man have a beautiful head of hair. as admires him, she also appreciates that (aside from his audaciously hot suede fur-lined jacket and cowboy boots, lord help her), he look’s ready to dance: black loose muscle tank, black breathable joggers, and black sneakers held in his left hand. in his right hand, to her suprise, is a single red rose.
is he fucking with me? she immediately thinks. a rose. a fucking rose?
“what’s that for?”
“uh, the rose? it’s—,” he hesitates, clearly thrown off guard. somehow, with only three measly words, maria notices that his voice is nice and low and gravely and— “it’s for you, ma’am. you’re maria, right?” —southern and sexy and distracting. his voice is far too distracting. it will present problems for her.
“right. i’m maria,” she repeats, mostly to remind herself who she fucking is—maria fucking miller. maria miller, who does not get distracted by tall sexy cowboys at dance rehearsals. “you’re tommy?”
“yes, ma’am.” he has to stop. he has to stop with the ma’am thing. it’s another distractor.
no distractions. she’s at a rehearsal, albiet an unofficial trial one. it is still a rehearsal—one for a competition that she will win.
maria straightens her shoulders, gets her head on straight, and steels her voice to say coldly: “well, tommy, i don’t like flowers. i like trophies. you think you can get me one of those?”
at that, tommy smiles as bright as the sun, white and pearly and perfect. distraction number three. she’s fucked. “i reckon i can,” he says, amused and sure.
“then prove it,” she responds, voice still steely. “let’s dance.”
and they do
for @bumblepony for your amazing writing as always and @marceltheshellwithflipflopson for your loveliness and inspiration and @clickergossip wifey and @ameerawrites miss u baby and @liveandletcry23 MISS U CAT and @hypnotisedfireflies because the work youve been doing with IO????? INCREDIBLE????? its been making me want to get back to writing so bad
all my mariatommy truthers love u guys kiss kiss kiss
#hiatus WHO#hiatus WHERE#maria being a super intense type a dance type who wants NO distractions and NO funny business: 👩🏾🏫😤💃����#tommy who is a broad tall sexy distraction that LOVES funny business: 🤠🕺🏽😋#the way this took me way too long i definitely need to edit and post this#bumble u really did something to me earlier i hope this returns the favor kiss kiss#step up au#idk if this is the plot of step up tbh#i think it counts#tommy x maria#maria miller#tommy miller#tess servopoulos#bill and frank#bill and frank finally being in one of my aus just for me to break franks leg 😭😭😭 sorry bro#tess x joel#there is a joeltess subplot in here somewhere i swear#their dance/love story would be the perfect prequel#and then they get back together in the sequel#OMGGGG#WAIT I CAN MAKE THIS A THREE PARTER IF I REALLY DEDICATE MYSELF#okay might do a dance au weekend#dance tag#tlou#tlou au#the millers#the tipsy bison#joel miller#even though hes not technically in this at all lets tag him for vibes#i didn’t finish my onboarding but i dont care lmfao i got all week
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Dan Feng/Dan Heng and the Aeons (1)
Note: This is all HC of what I think their opinions regarding the Aeons of Long, Lan, and Yaoshi until otherwise revealed.
"The Vidydhara, as a whole, do not forget our origins. The hatchlings of the present are not as devout as their seniors, but we cannot forget. Long existence is like a code etched deeply into our souls- A cycle we cannot escape from. Their gift...is both a blessing and a curse." -Dan Feng.
In general, Dan Feng respects Long and understands their importance to the Vidyadhara as a whole. As High Elder, he is required to partake in committees discussing his clan celebrations and give the final word where the planning is directed. In any important rituals, the leading role naturally falls to the High Elder to make sure it goes off without a hitch. Otherwise, in private, Dan Feng very little practices his faith. He holds Long, their Creator close to his heart. But, not so close he considers himself a devout worshipper compared to the other Vidyadhara. However, with the ongoing problem of the Vidyadhara species in slow decline and his personal issues- Dan Feng can't help resent Long just a little bit. After all, their blessing is starting to become more of a curse at this point. But how can he, a mortal, judge an Aeon? Not just any Aeon, but the Aeon of Permanence who given birth to the Vidyadhara. To reject Long, even deceased, is considered blasphemy.
"I do not share the Vidyadhara faith in Long. The reason...Well, I'm sure you understand why by now. Unfortunately, I am that man reincarnation. As long as I hold this power, my encounters with the Vidyadhara will not end here." -Dan Heng
Dan Heng has no love or hate towards Long. He acknowledges their existence, their importance to the Vidyadhara, and their relevance to him. He does not love Long, because he does not worship them- respect them, yes. He does not hate Long, because the ones who hurt him are their children. Besides, what reason does he have to hate an Aeon who ihas long passed away? Despite the Preceptors best efforts to educate him, Dan Heng obviously does not practice their faith in Long. If he must, it will be after the events in Xianzhou Luofu where he's learning more about their culture including the Vidyadhara. Something he never got to do during his imprisonment. Everything he learns and research will go into the databank. But also, it's helping Dan Heng understand more about a place he never saw as a home. Slowly, it may also help him gain a deeper understanding of his past incarnations knowledge and Long.
"The Reignbow Arbiter, unless summoned, has no reason to appear before us. We are their warriors, raising our weapons, and vowed to eliminate every last one of Yaoshi abominations. Yet, what honor can be gained for losing your life in this eternal war?" -Dan Feng
While Dan Feng is closer to Long than Lan, he respects them no less. The Reignbow Arbiter eternal pursuit against Yaoshi inspired the Xianzhou to take arms and follow them. Their beliefs aligned with Lan determination to eliminate the Abominations of Yaoshi and that hasn't changed even in the present.
Dan Feng is the High Elder of the Vidyadhara. Naturally, his first priority are his clan and the Xianzhou natives second. There are times when it is difficult to make a decision: to find a compromise. Because he is not only Vidyadhara, but he is also a soldier who spoke his vows to the Hunt as many others had done. The war he joins and fight is for the sake of his people AND the Xianzhou.
Is it conflicting when he follows Long and Lan? The simple answer is no, because there is no point in trying to understand what the Aeons are thinking (especially since Long has long passed.)
Dan Feng knows his priorities. It's in the present where his people rely on him for safety and guidance. It's where his friends/families, and his lovers (or fiances/spouse) matter the most to him.
He is the High Elder of the Vidyadhara Luofu, a member of the HCQ, a friend to a selected few, and...a lover to the most amazing people (Yingxing and Jing Yuan) in his life.
Dan Feng is never described as a person with feelings. But his heart, his human bleeds, seeing the loss in the endless war against the Abundance.
That's why he can never understand why so many see it as an honor to die fightning for their homeland. Not when they still have people waiting for them to return home.
And a part of him that he kept locked away resents Lan [Aeons] for this.
But again, Aeons are beyond mortal understanding. What does his opinion matter?
"Before I met Himeko, I was a wanderer. I followed the Hunt, because I felt like I was required to in order to redeem myself. Wherever I went, battles follow and I had to fight to survive. If an abomination of Abundance appeared...I felt compelled to fight and eliminate them. " -Dan Heng
Initially, Dan Heng believed if he followed the path of the The Hunt, then it would distance himself further away from Dan Feng. Not only that, but it would enforce his identity as "Dan Heng". The crimes of his past self had committed should've been absolved after he reincarnated. Yet, it didn't matter in the end as Dan Heng is punished for his past incarnation crimes. As for his opinion of Lan, Dan Heng will admit he is biased. He knows the consequences for seeking immortality; a monster. He agrees with Lan end goal- to kill Yaoshi. By extension, he also agrees with the Xianzhou cause as well. Dan Heng respects Lan and their ideals, but he does not walk the same path as their followers do. Because Dan Heng is an exile, marked as a criminal for a sin his past incarnation had done. But that's alright, because Dan Heng found his place in the universe as a Nameless on the Astral Express.
"Do not heed the words of Yaoshi worshippers. The Plague Authors mercy is a curse in disguise of a blessing. Their "love" is sweet on the tongue, but they're vile. A disease festering in your core. A parasite slowly eating away your life and sanity as your body rots." -Dan Feng
Dan Feng absolutely abhors Yaoshi, but more than that he hates himself for resorting to use a flesh of an Emanator of Abundance. But he believed at the time he was doing the right thing for the right cause. In the aftermath, within his prison, he feels only regrets and defeat...
"I do not agree with the Disciples of Sanctus Medicus. There's a reason why Yaoshi existence does more harm than good. They bring life, but they also sow discord and suffering. Dan Feng knew that, so why did he...?" -Dan Heng
Dan Heng is absolutely confused why his past incarnation committed one of the Unpardonable Sins. He abhors Yaoshi, any of their children are dead on sight.
#jade personal headcanons#moon drinker (il)#the guard of the express (dan heng)#lotus moon blooming from mud (il dan heng)#this took way too long to think about and summarize it#Me trying to break down their thoughts about Lan and Long#Yaoshi- Straight up hates them no hesitation#For Dan Feng he hates himself and and is disgusted with himself for choosing what he had to do#Which is trying to make things right but was it really right#Good intentions he had but it did fucked up big time#why am I so extra about the grahpics#I just did it#might need to edit this later or expand it in a different post
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Just wanted to plant an idea if you wanted a bit of fuel: Mahiru asking Yuno to come to her cell before everything goes down.
Edit: I forgot the ask didn't say it but this is part of Kyanako's incredible Order Of Attack AU!
Didn't mean for this to become a mini Mappi study but here we are ✨ Thank you for the request! I fully intended to write them hanging out, but it's more right before they hang out lol. Went a bit on-the-nose with foreshadowing, but isn't that the fun part? It has become Emotional Over Mahiru Hour...
I kept things vague, but TW for mentioning her boyfriend's state of potential self-harm
Mahiru tried not to act superstitious, she really did. As much as she loved the idea of little luck charms, or avoided easy signs of misfortune, it was easier to keep quiet about such ridiculous things.
Maybe catching a bride’s bouquet meant no guarantees; maybe there was no real harm in stepping underneath ladders, maybe a coin tossed into a fountain had no real magic to its wish. However, the one thing she knew for sure held power was a lucky presence. Being in the right place at the right time could alter everything. And today was the right time for something. There was this waiting in the air. The prison had been holding its breath. Mahiru knew it was time to release it all.
“You must be so lonely, why don’t you let big sis Mahiru keep you company?” She beamed at Amane.
She often recalled the good fortune that she and a certain young man had crossed paths on the university terrace. She used to laugh with him about the wonderful coincidence of bumping into each other outside of the bakery, then the convenience store.
Though she’d never spoken about it to him, she was also grateful for many occasions where she walked in on him at the precise moment to talk him out of something reckless. She always told him that they’d do everything together. He didn’t need to be alone anymore.
“I wish to be alone. I need peace of mind to think.” Amane turned away from the cell door.
It was a good thing, too. Mahiru’s smile wasn’t as convincing as she said, “o-oh. Of course.”
She made her way around the panopticon, hearing Fuuta pace his cell in anticipation. He must have felt it too, this holding of breath.
Or perhaps not. He turned down her offer for a bit of company, including a few more colorful words than Amane had. Mahiru just apologized for bothering him and headed back to her cell. She wasn’t sure where Mikoto was at this hour, but she didn’t feel like smiling through a third rejection.
She shook her head back and forth. She wished the motion could rattle the voices inside, she wished she could shake them all away. With her arms secured in place she could no longer cover her ears. She used to hum to keep them at bay, but lately they’d been too loud to stifle. They just kept on talking.
Their words told her the two were right. Nobody needed her company. No – nobody wanted it. Being together hadn’t helped her boyfriend. In fact, being together had been the very thing that got him killed. No wonder Amane and Fuuta wanted to avoid her.
So then, this was for the best. She would rather deal with the brief sting of refusal than stumble in one day to find them hurt… or worse. As much as she tried to avoid the superstition of it all, the voices reminded her that her very presence could mean life or death.
“Mappi, are you alright?” Mahiru hadn’t realized a tear had slipped down her cheek until she hurried to swipe it away in front of Yuno.
“Hah, I’m fine! Just fine.” It was impossible to fool her, Mahiru had learned, but that never stopped her from trying.
At least she always spoke tactfully. “Rough morning?”
Mahiru shifted her arms in her uniform, making a small sound of agreement.
“Can I do anything to help? What if I stay with you for a bit? I can do your hair, and…”
The voices were right. Amane and Fuuta knew it, too. Presences did hold power, and Mahiru’s was cursed.
But she would sound foolish admitting such a fear to Yuno. She'd heard plenty from the voices about how stupid and airheaded she was, there was no use in getting the same lecture from someone as grounded as her.
Mahiru managed a weak protest, unable to explain her real reasoning. Yuno was insistent. She didn’t give much of a choice. Could she feel the strangeness of the prison, as well?
At last, Mahiru allowed her shoulders to sag. Yuno was lucky. And kind. Having her nearby would do her good. Amane and Fuuta would be alright. Mahiru had tried spending more time with them after verdicts were announced. Now, she made a mental note to pull back. If her love couldn’t save anyone, at least she could spare them from her curse. They would be safe.
“Yes. Please stay. The truth is... I don't want to be alone.”
#milgram#mahiru shiina#yuno kashiki#amane and fuuta mentioned#i dont know how well this all fits in with your vision of the au but i had a ton of fun with this lmao sorry 😂#oh hey if anyone knows any japanese superstitions like those in the beginning lmk#i was trying to research them but i kept getting lucky symbols/words - not necessarily actions like that#anyway thank you so much for this!! it was a really interesting moment to capture >:0#drabbles that take me way too long to combine my three brain cells but im really pleased with the end result#i had a lot of Mahiru Thoughts but it took a bit of fiddling to make them fit together#the superstitiousness - the focus on one's presence - the parallels with his bf - what she's dealing with from the voices#im glad it came together semi-smoothly in the end asdfsd#i didnt mean for mahiru t break the fourth wall or anything --#i always saw her as a master at picking up on social changes/cues so she can tell when things are most tense/kotoko is fully prepared#but she doesnt consciously know it -- she just knows that things feel Off#not only do the attacks confirm mahirus fear that shes cursed - but yunos involvement confirms her belief that shes extra lucky#i wonder if shed still end up spending all her time with yuno now that she thought she was such a protective person...#i couldnt articulate it right since the end was wrapping up so nicely - but mahiru starts to wonder if most people are fine being left alon#and *shes* the odd one out for craving company#then she feels isolated because by getting what she wants shes dooming someone else#i mean... if everyone you try to get close to starts getting hurt... wouldnt you worry about the same...?#AHAHAHAHA hope you enjoyed 🙃#*posts this then retreats back into the void for a bit*#drabbles
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Finally watched Kung Fu Panda 4, tell me why it unironically changed my life
#I've never seen four movies work so well together#po's DADS#subliminal messaging about generational trauma but it's okay because it's a positive message#yes so interesting how po actually does have a lot in common with his enemies but he always chooses peace and understanding#crazy how some empathy goes a long way#the chameleon fr built her own empire so she could have stairs that were a good proportion for her size like#notice how the rabbits are treated in the movie and it will all make sense#except for those creepy ass happy tree friends bunnies what was up with that#they were hilarious though don't get me wrong#TAI LUNG'S CHARACTER ARC#i luv tai lung sm#i thought they were only going to have the shapeshifted version of him in the movie and it would be a cop out but omg i was mistaken#he actually came back and took accountability and actually complimented po and understood what it actually means to be a dragon warrior#then when he took the chameleon into the spirit realm he was doing what was done to him because he understood the chameleon but also po#also all of zhen's parallels to po it was so cool to see how someone who was not as soft and open minded could also be the dragon warrior#WTF MR BEAST WAS IN THIS MOVIE#But he played the panda pig that was being assessed on being a potential dragon warrior#aka blantantly impersonating someone who's seen as a good person for clout#also idk if the character being a pig has anything to do with it maybe a subtle gesture but obviously there are lots of pig villagers#i dont like mr beast and idk i just feel like there's a deeper reason why he's listed in the cast when he maybe had one line#did he pay to be in this movie...did he like know what the character would be#am i looking too much into it help#also also since you've read this far okay hear me out bryan cranston was in this movie right#hes also walter white#so he has huge range as an actor in that sense#you know who else has range#joaquin phoenix#he played joker and kenai in brother bear#YEAH BROTHER BEAR IKR#but like...brother bear. breaking bad! idk i just feel like there's a connection there why so many b's and why am i obsessing over this help
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chiaki is such a good and interesting character. wish she was in a better game
#personal#do you ever wish danganronpa was better gkdjfjskkfks#literally the only interesting thing that the anime ever did. To Me. was make chiaki a real person#because if you just take the game on its own its basically. she was just a computer program. you cared about a person who wasnt real.#hajime fell in love with a computer isnt that fucked up#but. with the added context of her being a Real Person who Existed. and the reason the program looks like her is that deep down#they all just Wanted Her Back. like that fuckin HURTS DUDE#her death was the last straw it was the final thing. that grief is what drove them all into despair in the end#fuck the brainwashing bullshit. losing chiaki broke them.#like so few of them had anyone in their lives that just. unconditionally cared. without any strings.#but she Did. she loved them all so much. she wanted them all to be so happy. for themselves#and then junko drove them all into their own heads. and then she took chiaki away from them.#no wonder they didnt give a shit about anyone else’s lives. if this is a world that can take something as unconditionally caring and bright#as chiaki nanami and Break Her and Tear Her Apart and Throw Her Away. it doesnt deserve kindness. fuck humanity.#its definitely something they all have to reckon with for a Long time going forward#like. junko haunts the halls of the island’s facilities. but so does chiaki.#not nearly in the same way but shes there all the same#theres definitely a time early on when they finally feel up to talking about her and the other four are discussing who she was before#the Real chiaki yknow#and hajime has to be like. No I Know She Was Different. I Knew Her Too.#and just him having to tell the others that chiaki was basically his only friend when he was in the reserve course#they really have to mourn her twice. fuck dude
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I'm reading The Ancestor by Danielle Trussoni. It was recommended in "101 Horror Books to Read Before You're Murdered" with the insistence that the reader would not be able to guess where the story is going. And that is correct. From reading the synopsis I could never in 1000 years guess where this was going.
#the ancestor#danielle trussoni#not that it totally comes out of left field like i did see were we were going before we got there#but it took a long time#it does a good job of setting up the revelations in such a way that it makes sense and its all there when you look back but you cant#guess too early either#also thank you to this book for breaking through my reading slump
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Finished all 4 assignments, and it only took me 9 hours of my day
🙃
#speculation nation#thats with a cumulative half hour break. for me eating lunch and also a ten min lie down#the real kicker is i spent an hour absolutely agonizing over a problem bc i just could not get it#only to realize i didnt have to do it in the first place.#and the problem i actually needed to do took me all of 2 minutes to finish.#so i wasted an hour of my fucking life. for *nothing*.#literally broke down crying over this problem and i didnt need to fucking do it at all.#im so angry and upset and tired. 9 hours is way too long to be working on schoolwork.#it feels like i just woke up and now it's nearly time for bed. this sucks so fucking much.#i finished all my Fucking work at least. but i really really really want to hurt something.#but oh fuckin well what's done is done. fuckin whatever.#negative/
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last rb stressed me out lowkey akakska i had an ex like that and it became a self fulfilling prophecy kinda thing..
#like oof where do i even begin#for one... would recommend looking up what pedestalling is so u can catch urself when ur doing it.#and. hm. honestly even working on self worth n whatnot i think rly internalizing not 2 pedestal ppl cuts out a lot of self sabotage#like hello ppl in ur life r there bc they choose to be. you are worth it to them and they are showing u that w action.#u gotta be vulnerable.. u gotta trust in other ppl.. cautious optimism is fine but 😮💨😮💨#i hate when ppl assume what im thinking and feeling and act upon that. assumptions on assumptions.#my mom was like that in a mean spirited vindictive way. my ex would spiral if i took too long to respond stressed as hell#thinking that i had all these horrible thoughts about her or that i was just using her like holy shit I'm just sitting here drawing ajsjka#i am trying to make friends. i am recovering from my own personal circumstances and trying to figure myself out etc.#was also actively working on finding myself as a trans woman bc it was so early in my transition.#idk. like damn ppl have Lives‚ hobbies‚ other ppl they talk to‚ they take time for themselves.#if u don't know and ur stressed about it‚ ask..? but then believe ppl when they answer idk.#sorry.. I've annoyed myself lmao. it was wild... things were dead simple on my end but she came up w hella things she swore HAD to have bee#true and after breaking up w her she kept DMing me w long ass self deprecating vents and mischaracterisations#i had to block her after a while like 😐 u ever see somebody go to therapy and get worse somehow#i cannot fw people who have low self esteem anymore but like i sympathize from a distance lol#hello from the other side of the interaction... self love/worth is hard but please try#ur mischaracterization of ppl based on assumptions is hurting them and it will alienate ppl n push them away#and then become a sort of self fulfilling prophecy.. but also take what I'm saying w a grain of salt 🤷🏾♀️#i just have my personal experiences
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It's not even that I believe I'll die young it's more like I just genuinely feel like I don't have a place in the world. Like. What now lmfao
#local shut in forced to go to grocery store took the long way home past my old school and even longer way home#the house i used to live in as a kid. like earliest memories like i have vague ass dreams about that house all the time.#not to. dox myself or anything LMFAOOOOOO#idk idk. i spent what feels like the great half of my life fighting for my life being pushed around to and fro#and then there was like One Blip where i felt alive and had agency and then suddenly the world crashed and burned#and in the fire i had already personally lost too much. i kind of just gave up. can't lose what you don't have. ect ect#the gunk...#my. sisters are still overseas LMFAOOOO#i really do just feel like i'm having a character arc about it. like damn........... i'm fine on my own but not like this.............#i think about it all the time but i give moe like one month in askr before it cracks and has a major mental break about it LMFAOOOO#for the record i'm fine i'm just. 25 and going nowhere.#i think. i'm 25. honest to god when my oldest sister asked me how old i was i said 24 til my other sister was like#milo you just turned 25 LMFAOOO#i. forgor.#time isn't real anymore.
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i have so much love in my heart it’s unreal
#thank GOD i’m going to visit my family in a couple days - i need a BREAK it’s getting overwhelming#but also i love my coworker so much#in a platonic way - she’s like a little sister to me#she’s so motivated and she has SO much potential and i am so proud of her and excited to see her learn and grow#and i want to help in any way i can#i hype her up to my boss and our other coworkers and upper management whenever possible#because she deserves it and nobody else is gonna do it#my boss is nice enough - but she doesn’t talk us up much which is a shame#so it’s up to me to make sure my coworker is being appreciated properly#because she is doing a TON of good work and i need to make sure she knows how incredible that is#she is too hard on herself and needs to take more time for herself to rest because she doesn’t get nearly enough#me and our other coworker have made it our personal mission to ensure that she takes care of herself#and she’s actually doing meaningfully better since we took an interest and - again - i am SO proud of her#i’m currently trying to convince her not to take too much on this summer and i *THINK* it’s going well#ultimately she’s going to be limited by reality regardless#but it would be better for her to plan less rather than try to do everything and get burnt out#i think she thrives on intense pressure just like i do - but that’s also wildly unhealthy to endure for long stretches#so i’m gonna keep working at it
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haha i love my job so much. big fan of being bitten by a customer's dog and asking them to please hold their dogs back so i can load their car and them going oh my dogs are friendly though. i think you're just not a dog person. like I'M the asshole in this situation. whatever
#didnt break the skin but it did hurt!#actually let the dog bite me twice because i was like well i shouldve given it more warning so ill be more careful now#didnt matter!#had to go out back for a bit after that lmao usually its the job itself that gets to me when its the customers#that treat me like im not worth thinking about on top of it it reaaaaaally gets to me!!#thats the majority of my human contact through the day is with customers if they dont care if i get bitten then like. lol#i grew up with big dogs it took me way too long to consider that they're scary for a lot of people#and now after learning to think about other people and after working this job for awhile its like ah.
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