#that sounds like something from the Torah

[girlactionfigure]

Rabbi Reuven Israel Kott was a Torah prodigy whose cleverness and chutzpah saved thousands of Jews from annihilation by the Nazis.

Born in a Polish shtetl in 1897, Reuven was one of fifteen children. His family were Hasidic followers of the Ger Rebbe.

Reuven’s exceptional intellect was apparent at a young age. He was a gifted scholar of Talmud and Jewish scripture, so precocious that he was given rabbinic ordination when only 17 years old.

The Rebbe took a special liking to Reuven, and every Friday night Reuven sat next to the great man at his festive Sabbath gathering. Small in size - he stood only 5’1” - Reuven was known for his big brain, and big heart.

Reuven was selected by his community to represent them as the Jewish voice on the local provincial council. When the Polish president died in the 1920’s, young Reuven stood at the graveside with other clergy and delivered a eulogy on behalf of the Jews of Poland.

Although life seemed fairly good for Polish Jews at the time, the Ger Rebbe sensed that big trouble was coming. He urged his followers to get out of Poland and move to Eretz Yisrael (the Land of Israel), at that time British Mandate Palestine.

As the Rebbe’s right-hand man, Rabbi Reuven Kott threw himself into the mission of helping Jews leave Poland and return to their ancestral homeland.

The British had a quota system restricting the number of Jewish families they let in. Reuven took advantage of a bureaucratic loophole defining “family” as two parents and an undetermined number of offspring.

Reuven collected money and bribed Polish authorities to get blank birth certificates. He would then “create” new families, matching people up, changing names and identities as needed. Every “family" had at least a dozen children.

Reuven told those he helped that they must stick with their fake identity. Most people complied, but a few didn’t and were caught. Under threat of being sent back to Poland, somebody gave Reuven’s name to the authorities.

Reuven and his brother were on a train in Warsaw when three plain-clothes officers approached. After verifying his identity, they arrested Reuven for bribery and forgery and threw him in jail. As a pious Jew, Reuven couldn’t eat the non-kosher jail food, so every day his daughter brought him a kosher meal - a two hour journey each way.

After several long months, his brother finally got word that there was going to be a hearing in the case. He went to visit Reuven in jail, told him the news and asked which lawyer he wanted to hire.

Reuven scribbled something on a scrap of paper, folded it up and slipped it through the bars of his cell. Outside the jail, Reuven’s brother unfolded the note. He was shocked to read the contents: “Hire me the most anti-Semitic lawyer in Warsaw!“

Reuven’s family was baffled. With so many top-notch Jewish lawyers, why would he want an anti-Semite? Had his incarceration led to a mental breakdown? Reuven’s brother assured them that he was of sound mind, and he went to Warsaw and found an attorney notorious for his fierce hatred of Jews.

The day of the hearing arrived, and the courthouse was packed with hundreds of Hasids from Reuven’s community. Reuven was allowed only three minutes with his lawyer, and then the hearing began.

To everybody’s shock, Reuven’s lawyer stood up, made a brilliant argument, and got the case dismissed.

Back home in the shtetl, everybody wanted to know what Reuven had said to his lawyer in those three minutes. Reuven said his Talmud study had taught him that in a business deal, if you get three “Yes” answers, the deal will close.

He asked his lawyer three questions:

- You hate us Jews, don’t you?

- Do you want to see me rot and die in jail?

- Would you like all of us Jews gone from Poland?

The lawyer answered yes to all three questions. Reuven immediately shot back, “What good would it do if one measly Jew rots in jail? If you set me free, I can get all the Jews out of Poland!”

Reuven got what he wanted by blinding the lawyer with his own hate. He continued his work “creating” large families and helping them move to Palestine. The anti-Semitic attorney even helped him procure more blank birth certificates. People often asked Reuven when he would go to Eretz Yisrael. He said, “I’m like the captain of a sinking ship. It is my responsibility to get all the passengers out before I get in the lifeboat.”

Over the course of 20 years, Reuven helped tens of thousands of Jews escape Poland. Today, almost half a million descendants of those Polish Jews owe their lives to Rabbi Reuven Israel Kott.

Unfortunately, Reuven himself never made it to Israel. He was murdered at Auschwitz in 1942.

For proving that one small man in three short minutes can accomplish miracles beyond measure, we honor Rabbi Reuven Israel Kott as this week’s Thursday Hero at Accidental Talmudist.

This story was told to us by Reuven’s granddaughter, Ziporah Bank. She heard it from her mom - the daughter who brought kosher meals to Rabbi Kott in prison. 

Accidental Talmudist

[penguicorns-are-cool]

Just realized almost all the foremothers had fertility issues

Fertility issues are actually kind of common throughout the Tanakh, like the story of there being an infertile woman who somehow speaks to G-d or an angel and afterward gets a baby

I think this means that G-d is a fertility goddess which makes sense cause a lot of fertility goddesses from the Mesopotamia area have a major part in creation

[jewreallythinkthat]

I hate the phrase "mainstream media" it makes people sound like conspiracy theorists. As someone who works in media, as a producer and previously as a reporter, I cannot even begin to explain the hoops you have to jump through and experience you need to be allowed anywhere near journalism (at least in the UK) in professional institutions.

This isn't to say people don't have their own bias, make mistakes, or twist a story. They do, and they need to be called out for this. That being said, pretending that professional journalists are always lying to you and the only place to get truth is on things like YouTube, twitter, tiktok etc is straight up anti-intellectialism conspiracy.

Examine sources, check for known bias in a media company; put in the work to read multiple sources which have different views on a topic. Just because a company says Fact XYZ and ignores Fact ABC, it doesn't mean that XYZ isn't true.

I'm writing this thinking about the fucking insane documentary the BBC put out (and has now pulled from it's website). It should never have been aired and is a massive breach of journalistic standards. I'm certain people will lose their jobs over it (and frankly, good). That being said, no matter how connected to Hamas the narrator was, the footage of areas of Gaza reduced to rubble is something that happened. The enormous numbers of people displaced and high death toll are things that have happened. These should be intolerable things no matter what's going on because the point of things like Human Rights is that you have them because you are human and they aren't revoked when people don't like you or you do awful things.

The BBC have been, frankly, awful the past 16 months. Other than a week of semi reluctant reporting after the simchat Torah pogrom, the reporting had been hugely one sided. But that doesn't mean when they interview people hurt in an airstrike that this is a lie. It means you need to put in the effort to check other media to see if there are other facts which contextualise the situation. Innocent children being harmed is a tragedy whether or not they were caught in a crossfire or were sheltering in a place which had it's protected status revoked because Hamas turned it into a military stronghold.

The so called "mainstream media" is just the trained media and not liking them doesn't make you cool and edgy and "seeing through the propaganda" it makes you sound like someone who doesn't trust trained professionals. Being trained doesn't make you infallible and doesn't get rid of bias, what is does is make you able to be held to account.

[hyperpotamianarch]

Hello. Today, I'd like to make some random anecdotes about Rabbi Avraham Ibn Ezra - poet, commentator, linguist, mathmatician, probably not too bad at chess and cursed to be poor for the entirety of his life.

After a cursory look at his wikipedia page, I must admit I didn't really know much about his life: only that he was born and raised in Spain, went travelling, had terrible luck with everything, wrote his commentaries on the Torah for money (which I think didn't help with the "cursed to be poor" thing), befriended Rabbenu Tam in France, possibly married the daughter of Rabbi Yehudah HaLevi and promptly died... somewhere... oh, and also wrote lots of poetry in the middle.

Historically speaking, he lived at the end of the Golden Age of Judaism in Spain, around the 11th-12th centuries CE. This puts him right after Rashi - which allows him to snark at everything he thinks Rashi was wrong about, but before Rambam - which means he doesn't get to snark at everything Rambam got wrong. His commentary on the Torah leans a little towards the linguistic side, though he has a couple of other things going on as well, like roasting people he disagrees with (Ben Zuta is the only friend a bull has, anyone?) and dancing around verses he thinks were added later to the Torah, like every time it says "to this very day".

He also wrote one of the first math books in Hebrew - Sefer HaMispar, he wrote a poem about chess, one about how whatever he'll work at he won't get enough money. And generally, he wrote poems. Quite a lot.

I suppose at this point I should mention something: Hebrew linguists were, at the middle ages, predominantly Sepharadi. I mean, sure, there could be a non-Jewish Hebrew linguist, but for some reason I don't hear much about those. And there probably were Ashkenazi linguists, but there weren't many of them. Rashi does deal with linguistics - but half the time he does, it's using the books of two famous Sepharadi linguists. The Sepharadim, living in Muslim lands as they were, simply had a better background with learning Hebrew, since they were surrounded by speakers of a closely related language - Arabic. And Ibn Ezra's deep understanding of Hebrew led to him loving linguistic riddles, which I can never figure out - and I was reading an eddition with footnotes! Though maybe I didn't make enough effort or something.

But no, the reason I wanted to talk about Ibn Ezra was the impossible standards for poetry, as set by Sepharadi poets. You see, Jews were always influenced by their surroundings, in multiple facets. and poetry is definitely one of them. So, the influence from Arab poets includes strict rules for rhythm and - and this is what I actually wanted to talk about - rhyming.

The rythm thing is bad enough. Only once in my life have I tried keeping up with that. It was very, very hard. It's probably because I'm not used to this, but no song I write can keep a consistent rhythm and meter, and that's without trying to apply the standard Sepharadic rules. So trying to have such a strict meter... didn't work well for me. I guess I'm the frenchman from

וּמִי הֵבִיא לְצָרְפַתִּי בְּבֵית שִׁיר,

וְעָבַר זָר מְקוֹם קֹדֶשׁ וְרָמָס;

וְלוּ שִׁיר יַעֲקֹב יִמְתַּק כְּמוֹ מָן,

אֲנִי שֶׁמֶשׁ, וְחַם שִׁמְשִׁי וְנָמָס.

which was actually written about Rabenu Tam, but I'm a distant relative of his so this might still be applicable. Besides, as far as you know my name is Ya'akov, just like Rabenu Tam! (Sorry for not providing a translation, the gist is "how dare a frenchman trample all over poetry?!")

But rhymes. Oh, the Ibn Ezraic rhyming standards.

According to Ibn Ezra, one must always rhyme with the entire syllable. So no, just the last sound isn't enough. In Ibn Ezra's book, rhyme and dime don't actually rhyme - though I don't think he'd care about English at all. For the Ibn Ezra, shor and ḥamor can't be rhymed with each other; shor can rhyme with Mishor, and ḥamor can rhyme with har hamor, but you can't rhyme any other pair of those with each other. And I can't stay up to this challenge. It's nearly always impossible for me to find proper words to rhyme even without the extra demand for the rhyme to be the entire syllable. With English I don't think I even bothered or ever will. You have too many weird syllables for me. But with Hebrew... I do try with Hebrew, really. But I can't keep this up. And the most frustrating thing? It doesn't appear other Ashkenazi writers had this problem.

Now we get to the interesting part. I have been trying lately a new possible format for my very-anticipated-and-definitely-not-only-I-want-it Jewsade fanfic: introduction, preface and Haskamot to books. I just really enjoy reading prefaces for books, and one of my recent favourite pieces of writing is the conclusion piece of the Vilna edition of the Babylonian Talmud. If you're interested - it can be found in most editions of the Talmud at the very end of Masechet Nidah. The piece describes the trouble they went through to publish this edition of the Talmud and it's very interesting. Another favourite piece of mine is the preface of the Levush, a slightly obscure Halachic book from the time of the Shulchan Aruch. If you've ever seen me talk about the race to Halacha - this is my source for that, because the poor author was upstaged about three to four times by other people doing exactly what he planned on doing. I highly recommend this piece as well, though I don't know how easy it is to find. And the Levush - Rabbi Mordechai Yeffe - is a nice Ashkenazi guy. So he must be more lenient with his rhymes, right?

Well, I guess I didn't establish that part. Yes, the preface to the Levush starts with a poem. It's fun. It's great. It's also up to the Ibn Ezraic standard, while my attempt to write an equivalent is... not.

Huh. This post is oddly rambly. Ah well, maybe someone will like it. Anyway, the preface portion that really takes the cake is actually one from a fairly recent obscure book - like, this one was written barely a century ago. I only found it because one of my favourite singers, Aharon Razel, made a song out of it, but the song doesn't really capture the hilarity of the piece. Do ask me if you want to hear more, this one's great.

Signing off with a "darn you, Ibn Ezra! Why must you set such high standards!"

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

My (non-Jewish) anthropology professor made a really incorrect statement about the idea of Jews as “God’s chosen people”. When I (also non-Jewish but try to keep informed) corrected him, he brought up something else that sounded wrong to me: supposedly only Reform Judaism allows for conversion? I didn’t know enough to contest it at the time, but that really does not sound true to my ear, from the way I’ve heard Jewish people talk about it. Is there any truth to that?

Yeah, the Chosen People thing is often wildly and antisemitically misinterpreted to mean "We think we're G-d's Specialest Selected Elite People and the only people G-d actually loves and cares about" -- which like. Could not be further from the truth. What it actually means is: We were selected to do the project of the mitzvot of the Torah, which is a lot of extra homework that other people don't need to do but someone needs to do it. It's a lot more like "chosen to do the dishes" of the spiritual world than "chosen to be special." Now. Is there definitely some pride of place in doing the extra work? Sure! But at the same time, Jewish eschatology has always made room for non-Jews. We absolutely think non-Jews who live good lives and are decent, moral people have a solid place in the world to come. We aren't angling for a everyone to become Jewish because, kind of by definition, not everyone needs to do the ritual mitzvot. Live ethical lives and be decent to each other and us? Sure. Lay tefillin and daven three times a day and (during the Temple times) offer sacrifices and wave lulav fronds during Sukkot and eat matzah on Pesach and keep kosher and keep Shabbat? Etc.? Nope, that's our task and ours alone.

Now! If you feel personally called to living a life of Torah and believe that you have a Jewish soul and should be made part of Am Yisrael, the Jewish people, you can go through the lengthy process of conversion and (essentially) become a member of the Tribe? Yeah, you can do that. You better be real sure and go into it eyes open. You're going to need to be persistent and dedicated to studying and being present in the community. It's not encouraged, and traditionally rabbis would turn someone asking to convert away three times before accepting them as a student to make sure they were serious. In modern times, most rabbis are a bit more welcoming, but will still push you to seriously consider why you want to be Jewish. If the answer is still yes for you, then you can do it, if you must. Most gerim (converts) describe an experience very similar to how transgender folks describe our gender journeys - we can't be any other way, and wouldn't want to be. I'm both a convert and trans, and my sense of understanding myself as both non-binary and as a Jew are deeply held and equally compelling.

All branches of rabbinic Judaism accept converts. Some have a more strenuous process than others, and some take on very few converts. The more traditional the movement, the more likely it is that the person will be encouraged to explore other options. The reason for this is that the more traditional the movement, the more serious they take the binding nature of the commandments, and therefore adding another Jew (especially one who has so much to learn in a comparatively short time rather than being raised in it) is a risk that the person will revert back to their old ways or find something else later. Since we are judged collectively (Torah is a group project) and the future world to come hinges on us scrupulously observing the mitzvot (according to the more traditional movements) it is imperative that any late additions to the People be very serious and rigorous in their observance.

The liberal movements are a lot less intense about that, although it's also a spectrum. The Reform movement does not hold the ritual mitzvot to be binding, only the ethical mitzvot. They therefore lack the same incentive to avoid failed conversions. The Conservative/Masorti movement and some of the other traditional egalitarian communities do hold the mitzvot as binding, but are a lot more flexible about their expectations that everyone follow them. It's a lot more of a "do your best; we're here to support you" vibe. (That's my branch that I converted through.)

Each branch, to be clear, has their strengths and weaknesses, their merits and their drawbacks. Every Jew brings something to the table. The Reform movement (and similarly liberal smaller movements) are probably the most welcoming to gerim and have the fewest hoops to jump through, but every branch has a process and some amount of converts. Those that choose a more traditional movement typically support, respect, and value the extra hoops of the traditional movements and are willing to work within that system; at least that's how it was for me. I wanted it to be rigorous so that I was prepared and certain; I got that out of my giyur process. Other people have different needs and value systems that are equally valid.

[zionistgirlie]

Since you're Israeli, I figured I'd ask what you think Israel's end goal in the war should be.

Ideally, in a perfect world, I think some sort of two-state solution would be ideal. However, logistically, I don't think it's feasible because: 1. the Gaza Strip and Judea & Samaria are not connected and it's hardly ever feasible when a country is separated like that. 2. The more obvious reason being that without Israeli control, the people will keep trying to launch large scale terror attacks.

We don't live in a perfect world, we live in one where the majority of Palestinians are hell-bent on destroying Israel because they can't fathom sharing the land with Jews. So I don't think a two-state solution would work until/unless deradicalization takes place.

Should the land be given to Jordan? Or annexed into Israel proper with all the people becoming Israeli citizens? The latter seems extremely dangerous given the amount of radicalization, and I don't know too much about Jordan's interest in Palestine.

Should Israel keep occupying the Palestinian territories? I think that's the solution I'm most in favor of. It's the most feasible, from a logistic standpoint. I know people would probably be enraged because "occupation" but that really does seem like the best solution to me. It keeps Israelis alive and safe.

Also, I believe Trump said something about America being involved. I dislike American imperialism as much as your average person, but I think maGAZA doesn't sound like a bad plan. Getting America directly involved in the Gaza Strip would seem helpful

Please correct me if I've stated anything wrong and also let me know what you think! Everybody online likes to act like they're experts on this conflict when most of them couldn't point to Israel on a map prior to 2023, and I feel like nobody ever asks actual Israelis living in Israel.

First of all, I'm super honoured to be asked! So thank you very much. I agree with your final paragraph. People like to talk over the heads of both actual Israelis and actual Gazans when it comes to talking about the war. Israelis are vilified, and Gazans are fetishised or coddled, which I sometimes find to be a worse fate.

ה' שפתיי תפתח ופי יגיד תהילתך. I pray G-d will give me the right words, let's dive in!

Israel has made it very clear that their end goal in the war is getting the hostages back and disarming Hamas for good. However, I think those two goals are sometimes contradictory, as well as being too little, too late. As you said, Gazans have been radicalised for the past 20 years (and let's just say they weren't the biggest fans of Israel and the Jews before that as well). At this point, it matters little if we kick Hamas leadership abroad, as they'll still be able to radicalise and oversee their population. I don't know if non-Israelis know this, but Hamas has both Gaza/Judea and Samaria branches as well as branches abroad (including but not limited to Syria, Lebanon and Qatar). Allowing any other Gazan terror organisation to rule Aza, or the PLO, might rid us of a Hamas leadership, but the terrorism would continue (anacdotically, I find it funny how Gazans want Abbas to rule Aza as well, whilst the Arabs of Judea and Samaria hadn't had an election in 19 years because Abass is too scared Hamas would win).

I oppose handing the land to anyone other than its rightful owner, with a divine promise as well as 2000 years of history as title deed— the people of Israel. Neither now or ever. The Torah of Israel, to the people of Israel, in the land of Israel. Historically speaking, we're talking a three-state solution, since the "palestinians" already got Jordan, which was historically Jewish.

I radically object to the term "occupying the Palestinian territories". Israel does not occupy the parts of Judea and Samaria known as the PA, and even if it had, it wouldn't be more occupying than the Ukrainian occupation of Crimea. There has been a persistent Jewish presence in Judea and Samaria since biblical times to now. Jordan occupied this territory in 1948. Israel released it in 1967. It's Israel, it's Jewish, and it has always been. If an occupation renders the land as one's property (which, if it had, the land would have been Jordanian and not "Palestinian", even if there isn't a difference between the two), then i can't see why occoping it for 19 years renders it somehow "Palestinian", and yet "occuping" it for 30 does not render it Jewish. It wouldn't fit the definition of an occupation according to the international law, and here's a detailed video I think I used before, but perhaps not in a post. I could make a post about settlements as well, if that's something you're interested in.

I assume you use this term out of ignorance and not in an antisemitic double standard, but it jumped out of the post so I had to mention it.

But that's a good question. Although you're mixing Judea and Samaria and Aza here (unless those are two separate questions), these are separate territories that are run by different entities (although genocidal to the same extent).

Regarding Aza:

I don't know about American imperialism. It seems like Trump is trying to keep America out of too many external problems right now, which has become very clear with Ukraine and Russia. Israel is an exception in that it is almost America's only ally in the Middle East (which Ukraine cannot claim). I think America has a few other allies in the Gulf region, like the UAE, but in terms of our area (Israel, Egypt, Syria, Lebanon and so on), we are the only ones who are also a (more or less) stable democracy. We are very aware that America is not our friend just because of our pretty face. It is in the American interest to be our ally for a number of reasons, which I will not go into right now. It also seems that the American interest in making things easier for the Gazans is related to the fact that it has something to do with Israel, because there is a lot of suffering in the world that I don't know how much America is trying to improve (and that is not their job to). Syria and Congo come to mind.

I think the Trump plan is good. I think Israel should encourage the Trump plan, encourage voluntary immigration, and create a demilitarised zone, controlled by the IDF or by an international body, like the demilitarised zone between North and South Korea. The Gazans have proven that they cannot be trusted to share a border with us. I also think we should annex part of Gaza—it doesn’t have to be huge—so that Israeli citizens can build settlements there. The rationale here is to right a historical wrong, and also to create deterrence. The Gazans in general and Hamas in particular need to see what happens when they invade the country and commit crimes against humanity. The only way to create deterrence with them is by taking territory.

As horrible as it may sound to the delicate ears of the Westerner, these are people who will stop at nothing to conquer Israel and murder every Jewish man, woman, and child, and for whom death is a desirable, even blessed, outcome. To die as martyrs, and for their children to die as martyrs, is their dream, and they say so themselves. Of course, Hamas and UNRWA have been indoctrinating them for twenty years, and the religion of Islam for… over twenty years. And yet, if these are people who do not shy away from death, even rejoice in it, how can they be deterred?

I would also really like there to be some kind of international occupation of Gaza for de-radicalization purposes, like after World War II in Germany. They say you can't kill an idea, but the fact is that in most of Germany, it worked.

I don't think we'll be able to achieve voluntary emigration of all 2 million Gazans, and unfortunately, I also don't think that's the direction Israel wants to take. If it were possible to de-radicalize them, that would be really nice, of course, it would require a radical change in all international bodies. No one told the Nazis that they were absolutely right to murder in large numbers because of a war they started 80 years ago and lost…

These are my opinions and mine alone; they do not represent the mainstream mindset in Israeli society and are even more to the right than the government (not that our government is too right-wing), but I stand behind them. I think they are the least bad option. Given that we must navigate hostile international institutions, a murderous jihadist population, and international laws, this is my answer.

We will conclude with a prayer for the return of the hostages and for the protection of the hostages, the Israeli soldiers, and the security forces.

כִּי מַלְאָכָיו יְצַוֶּה לָּךְ לִשְׁמָרְךָ בְּכָל דְּרָכֶיךָ.

[the-lesser-light]

In my journey to learn everything I can, I've been come acutely aware of the fact that any time I look up something like learning Hebrew, how to put on a tallit, how to have a Seder, or a discussion on something from the Torah, I am faced with endless things that basically boil down to: "Hebrew for Christians" or "Should Christians wear Zitzit?" or "Finding Jesus in the Torah".

At first it was upsetting. I quickly learned how to check my sources and how to pick up red flags. Is there a cross in the background of the video I'm watching? What is the person in the video wearing? Does this article sound suspiciously like a white Christian lady poaching Jewish culture because it looks nice? Does this artist also have several pieces that proclaim Yaweh as the true name?

Now I'm angry. I had a recent incident where I mentioned to someone I was learning Biblical Hebrew to read my prayer book and they started talking to me about going to a nice Synagogue in a city south of us and various Jewish activities. It surprised me because everyone thought she was Baptist. Looking it up later, I found out it was a Messianic church.

I wish Christians had distanced themselves further. How dare they continue to use the Jewish text and corrupt it to fit their ideals. Why couldn't they have just written their own book and done what they already did and decided what they wanted it to include and then fucked off? Why do they have to keep digging into Jewish culture while also looking down their noses at it? Learning Hebrew does not help you 'find Jesus' as if Jews are purposefully sneaking him out of our texts.

As someone who learned from an early age how to spot extremists and the sort of Christian who was ready to convert you at gunpoint if they had to (Texas everyone), I go into everything with intense scrutiny. I feel for those that don't know how to do this and end up using resources that aren't accurate or that are tainted with a Christian ulterior motive.

I know I'm not the only one with resentment and me complaining about this is old news for people that have been Jewish their whole lives.

I suppose my question is: Is it getting worse? I've never looked for this before, but all my searches have come up with things made in the last 5 years.

With growing antisemitism, are you finding that more people and groups are having no hesitancy to pull out Jewish things and twist them into their own use?

[the-chosen-fanfiction]

Zebedee | Someone Like You | Platonic

Your father takes you on a trip to the olive grove, allowing space for a heart-to-heart.

Requested by Xochilt

Your fingers ache with the repeated steps — push the needle into the linen, pull it through until the thread reaches its end, then move it to the other side to make your way back to the front — and a painful cramp shunts through your left hand from holding on so tight. You flinch and flex your fingers for a moment, gritting your teeth in annoyance. “Ouch!” 

“Are you… Thread-ing carefully?” your father’s voice suddenly sounds, causing you to look up with an annoyed expression. He stands in the doorway, shoulders slumping from the lack of reaction to his pun. “That sounded funnier in my head. Anyways, how are you doing, my pomegranate?” 

As Zebedee steps into the room, you give him a look. “For the last time, don’t call me that, please. James and John aren’t letting me hear the end of it already, let alone if you keep giving me that nickname. And, I’m fixing James’ tunic, as eema asked me to do.” 

“And where is your eema right now?” 

You shrug, looking around. Zebedee grins a bit. “You don’t necessarily look like you’re having a good time, you know? And neither of us knows where your mother is, so… Why don’t you join me to the olive grove instead? After all, the boys are out, right…?” He wiggles his eyebrows with a grin as you feel something akin to excitement start to brew under the surface, a smile spreading over your face at the idea. 

“You want to take me to the olive grove?” 

“Of course I do, why not?” 

With a wide smirk, you toss aside your sewing chore and stand up, stretching your sore limbs for you had been sitting down for a while. “My joints are killing me.” 

“You know nothing about joints just yet, pomegran— I mean, (Y/n). Just wait until you reach your fifties. Anyways, I think it is high time for us to spend some time together, no?” 

You smile a bit and accept the cloak he’s holding in your direction. It’s quite chilly this time of year, so you are grateful to put on something warm over your tunic. “Won’t I get in trouble with eema, though?” you ask as an afterthought, even though you are well on your way in putting on the mantle. Zebedee smiles a bit and lifts his shoulders in a shrug. 

“If she causes you trouble for it, just tell her that I needed an extra pair of hands, since that wouldn’t be a lie. I’ve been wanting to check if the trees are in need of pruning, since some branches seem a little troubled after the harvest. Perhaps a quick snip will have stronger twigs sprouting back in no time.” 

Zebedee locks the door behind you two as you step into the streets of Capernaum. Greeting an occasional acquaintance now and then, you make your way over to the stables just outside of town. Zebedee had purchased himself a mule as well as a small cart in order to make it easier to travel to the grove as well as making it so that the harvest didn’t take longer than it should. If all containers of olives had to be carried by hand,  it would have taken until mid-winter to get everything to the press. 

You help your father strap in the animal which he had named Bileam — the story in Torah is about a donkey instead of a mule but that’s by the by — and get onto narrow seat at the front. Zebedee grabs hold of the reins, clicks his tongue and the cart shifts into motion with a jolt. 

“This is a nice change of pace without your brothers talking our ear off, no?” Zebedee jests with a grin.

“I’m sure you’ll make up for their absence, abba.” you counter playfully.

Your father snorts and smiles. “You’re definitely my daughter with that lip of yours.” 

“I got that from eema,” you retort.

Once again, Zebedee laughs.

“Anyways, this is fun. I think we hardly get to spend time together with just the two of us.” 

You hum in agreement, unable to deny that. It isn’t often you get to do something together with your abba. The sun is lower in the sky than usual in spite of it not being late yet and you hug your cloak a bit tighter around yourself against the chill of early winter. The wagon jostles every so often as Bileam unevenly steps over the road, carrying you closer to the olive grove. 

You have only visited it a handful of times, but every time you are there, you feel a sense of serenity in the open field. 

A few dozen trees stand already harvested in a row. Tamar had used her knowledge and assisted in fixing them so that the fruits they bore was lovely once again. “Here we go,” Zebedee says, pulling the mule to a halt with a sound of reassurance towards the animal, who is in need of a break as you hop off the cart. For a moment, you pat Bileam on the neck before turning to your father. 

“It’s been a while since you last joined me here,” Zebedee says, “Let me show you what I have been up to, alright?” You nod and follow him towards the first row of trees, trusting Bileam enough to know that he won’t stray far.

The two of you walk between the olive trees, drinking in the crisp air in the meantime. “So, how is life now that you are no longer on the water?” you want to know, “Do you miss it sometimes?” 

Zebedee hums. “Well, I do miss the smell of the water as well as the adrenaline that a good catch would spark inside of me, but… This is more meaningful. It also allows me to be home more often.” 

“I’ve noticed you aren’t out at night anymore, yeah.” you add onto that. “I’ve heard eema say that she likes that fact. And she’s very proud of you.” 

“Ah, I’ve got a second wind of sorts,” Zebedee hums, separating a few old branches from the trees and handing them to you to hold onto them for now, so that new ones may sprout, “It’s not like I’m getting any younger. Perhaps this profession will help me age more gracefully than being out on the water all day and night will. Then again, it is not the main reason I decided to switch to this kind of work. Of course it’s all for Adonai.” 

You hum a sound as you pick at one of the dry, worn-out branches. “Our lives were so different a year ago, hm?” 

“They really were. If you had told me then that I’d sell my boat and would purchase this grove to make anointing oil instead, I might just have laughed you in the face.” 

Smiling gently at your father, you wonder something. “I’m curious what it is like for you and eema, now that James and John are travelling alongside the Messiah.” 

Zebedee runs a hand through his beard as you veer towards another row of trees. “If anything, I’d say that our marriage is stronger than ever.” Your smile widens at the admission.

“That’s very sweet,” you breathe, “I wish to have a marriage like you two one day.” 

Your father lets out a sound of acknowledgement. “I would definitely recommend it. It’s not about how your spouse can serve you, but how you can serve your spouse.” 

“I see,” you murmur, looking off into the distance for a moment as Zebedee puts a few branches into your arms, which have started to grow increasingly heavy. “I wonder if it is God’s plan for me.” 

“Do not worry, my girl. I’m sure that you’ll find your Godly spouse one day. After all, you’re the sister of Jesus’ followers. Disciples who are generally bachelors save for a few, who are likely going to look for a spouse in a few years.” He grins at you, “Has anyone of them caught your eye yet?” 

You tuck some hair behind your ear to hide your sudden bashfulness. “No, not yet.” 

“If you need a good starting point as to where you could look for someone, I’d start there.” 

With a hum, you smile alt him, knowing that he means well. “Hm. What is it like?” 

“To be married?” 

“Yeah. And how did you know that eema was the one? How did your marriage take shape over the years?”

Your father thinks for a long moment. “When we were younger, let’s say around our mid-teens, I suddenly became friends with your mother more than in the past. Of course, I had often seen her walk around and thought she was a cute girl, but I never actually spoke to her until I had already graduated from yeshiva. I fell fast and I fell hard, let me tell you that. And I knew that I wasn’t the only one, much to my dismay. There was even a time that I considered brawling with a guy twice my size to win her over, but it turned out that he liked one of her friends instead, so luckily I found that out in time.” 

You let out a small laugh at the revelation. “Good that you didn’t end up fighting him. Otherwise I’d have had a toothless abba.” Zebedee flicks your arm and you yelp before the two of you laugh. He loads a few other twigs into your arms. If you don’t dump them into the cart soon, you won’t be able to look at where you’re walking any more, so the two of you head back to check on Bileam for a moment. 

“Let me tell you that I was incredibly delighted and grateful when I found out that your eema felt the same for me as I did for her. Her parents took some time to join in that sentiment, but eventually, I managed to touch their hearts as well.” 

You let the branches fall into the cart, causing Bileam to look up from his grazing in slight disturbance, but he soon he continues eating when he finds no threat in the situation. With a small smile, you turn to your father. “I’m happy that they did, otherwise I wouldn’t have been here.”

“I can’t imagine a life without my beautiful daughter.” Zebedee gently squeezes your arm as the two of you head back to the grove to continue pruning the trees. 

It’s a peaceful task, with the gentle rustling of the leaves around you. “How do I find a Godly man?” you suddenly ask, “I mean, of course there’s the Disciples who would make good candidates. But how do I distinguish between their levels of maturity? What does it look like in men?”

Zebedee lets out a long sigh, pruning a few other olive trees. The clouds part and allow sunlight to stream over the grove. “You know, my dear (Y/n), I don’t think you should worry so much. As long as you stay close to God and follow His commandments, I’m certain that once you come face to face with a potential suitor, that He will guide you through the process of determining whether or not they would be a good match for you. And if you would not be able to figure this out by yourself, you have two big brothers and two parents who know a thing or two about maturity, spiritual or mental.”

You snort a laugh. “James and John, mature?” 

Zebedee chuckles. “Perhaps not yet. But you get what I mean, right?” 

You nod and accept a few more branches that he holds in your direction. “Why all the questions?” he asks, “You are so curious today.”

For a moment, you mull over your reasoning. “I just… I wish to have a husband one day who is a little bit like you. A God-fearing, gentle man who treats his wife with respect and dignity. Who is proud of the achievements of his children and supports them wherever necessary. The kind of man who would do anything for them but would also not be afraid to chastise them when necessary. A man who his children look up to. A man who his wife is safe with.” 

Zebedee, touched by your words, smiles a small smile whilst his eyes glitter with a mixture of awe and bittersweetness. “Oh, I… I don’t know what to say to that. That’s very sweet of you, my pomegranate. I… I’m sure that if you pray to God about it, that He will aid you on your search. You are deserving of a husband who treats you properly and sees you as his equal. However, I think a woman like you won’t have any issues in finding one, hm?” 

“I guess we will see about that, abba,” you murmur as your father concludes your pruning trip by cutting off a few final dry branches and pocketing his knife. 

“Hm. I do have one suggestion that would make it way easier to find a spouse, my dear.” Zebedee suddenly pipes up as you head back to the grazing mule. Subtle sunlight falls over his face when you look at him.

“Yes?” you query, eager to hear it. 

“I think you should make sure that you can make exact copies of your eema’s cinnamon cakes. You know what they say: the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” 

You laugh at that and bump his shoulder, causing him to flinch and hold it in mock pain. You check up on Bileam before climbing onto the driver’s seat again, Zebedee entrusting you with the reins this time around. 

“I think,” you begin, “That I have already mastered that recipe, thank you very much.” 

Zebedee grins. “Oh yes? That is quite the bold claim there, my dear. I think you should provide evidence for it.” 

You hum, smirking at his quick wit. 

“Challenge accepted,” you say, enjoying the light of the sun in the late-autumn noon, heading back home after some successful quality time.

[fattened-goose]

In love with your sister | Andrew, Big James, John

A/N: requested by @jo-renee I apologize for the delay and I appreciate your patience. I hope these are close to what you wanted.

Warnings: possible angst depending on your definition of the word. Also, my GIfs aren’t probably as good as they could be.

~*~

Being the daughter of Zebedee meant that any man that took an interest in you, had to go through not only your father but your two brothers as well. And Andrew, even though he’d known your brothers James and John for awhile, was no exception. He’d never planned on falling for you, it had just happened, so gradual had the descent into love been that he’d not even really realized it had happened until you were constantly on his mind.

The gentle curve of your smile and the gleam that came to your eyes when amused was all he could see when his eyes shut for the night. The sweetness of the thought bringing a smile to his own lips, you were so soft spoken compared to your brothers, not to mention beautiful, it was no wonder you captured Andrew’s heart.

Andrew, had also captured your heart much to your surprise. A fact that delighted your Father and Mother, but left your older brothers feeling somewhat dismayed.

They watched with crossed arms as the two of you interacted, a welcoming smile on your face as you laughed at something Andrew had told you. All the while he smiled even wider at the chipper sound that left your lips that he’d caused, a blush rising to tint his cheeks a lovely pink as you lightly touched his arm.

At this James rolled his eyes, hitting John with his knuckles before motioning over to the two of you.

“Let’s head over, huh? Have a little talk with our future brother-in-law.” The suggestion of the elder making the younger one’s brown furrow before nodding, “sure.”

Both sets of eyes remained locked on you and Andrew, as the two approached you, eyes narrowed and arms crossed when they stopped in front of the two of you.

“James, John, it’s nice of you to join us.” You beamed, the brightness of your smile causing your oldest brothers lips to quirk up into a grin, “Andrew was just telling me about the time that -“

“Y/N!” Mary’s voice rung out across the camp as she waved you to come over, “it’s time for our Torah lesson.”

Nodding at her, you smiled gently at Andrew before leaving him with the promise of getting together with him later, a promise he told you he’d look forward to. Turning to take your leave, your gaze fell on your brothers, narrowing your eyes at them you mouthed a hurried, “play nice” before heading toward Mary.

The three of them watched your retreating figure before turning to face each other. James and John recrossed their arms as they refocused on Andrew, who countered the action with a nervous gulp of air.

Their attempt to intimidate him obviously working judging from his expression much to their delight as they moved closer yet. The proximity causing Andrew to stumble backward in an attempt to distance himself slightly.

James reached out a hand to latch on to his shoulder to steady him, “why do you look so nervous?” John questioned, a half sneer covering his lips at Andrew’s wide eyed expression as his eyes were glued to James’ much larger hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah, do we scare you or something?” James’ added, still gripping onto Andrew’s shoulder.

“N-no.” His voice not as steady as he would’ve liked it to be, his whole body covered in sweat and his heart thumped wildly in his chest.

“Good.” John replied, reaching out to roughly pat his other shoulder, the action causing Andrew to flinch.

“We’d hate for our future brother-in-law to be scared of us.” James added, his brow somewhat furrowed as he looked down at the quivering mass that was currently Andrew.

“We’d also hate what we’d have to do if you did something to hurt Y/N.”

The two brothers sharing a smile as Andrew blushed, nodding as he wrung his hands, “I’d never do anything to hurt Y/N.”

“That’s good, let’s try to keep it that way, hm?” The elder of the two suggested, squeezing Andrew’s shoulder before the two of them took their leave. Their departure making Andrew sigh in relief, dabbing his forehead lightly in an effort to make himself appear less frazzled. The only thing soothing his nerves, being the sight of you huddled around the fire with Mary as you studied.

~*~

You’d known the sons of Zebedee for awhile, not quite as long as your brothers Simon and Andrew. But, you’d known them long enough to know that Big James had taken a liking to you.

A fact that delighted you and discontented your brothers, Simon especially. While Andrew wasn’t exactly crazy about the idea of you and James together, he at least trusted the idea that with James you’d be safe and well cared for. Simon on the other hand, didn’t like it at all and was not the least bit scared to let his opinions be known.

It all kicked off one day when you were at Simon’s house with Eden, she had asked you to help her repair the fishing nets, and you of course obliged. The two of you had worked together all day, laughing together at many different things until you both decided to stop for the day when your brothers came back, the Sons of Thunder directly behind them.

Upon spotting you at the table, James eyes immediately lit up, a smile replacing the slight frown he’d been sporting after a rough day on the water. All of which, Simon had not failed to pick up, causing his brow to grow heavy with frustration.

“Y/N, what a pleasant surprise to find you here.” James exclaimed, moving over to take a seat next to you.

“A pleasant surprise considering Simon told us Y/N and Eden were mending nets today.” John snickered before shooting you a good natured wink, only to be glared at by James. The scene making you laugh lightly as Eden nudged you with raised eyebrows before making her way over to Simon.

“How was your day, James?”

His smile only widened at your inquiry before leaning forward towards you a bit, the sight making Simon want to lunge forward, and he would have, had it not been for Eden grabbing his arm.

“Oh it was ok, we didn’t catch much though, it was pretty rough out there, nothing I couldn’t handle though.” He reassured, your eyes drawn to the muscles that flexed in his arm that he’d drawn up to himself so he could rest his chin on his hand. A slight blush crossed your cheeks at the sight of the veins that were laced around the muscle, this only gave James all the more confidence.

“I’m sure it was nothing if not easy for you.” Your reply and smile along with your batting eyelashes prompting Simon forward, out of the clutches of Eden.

“Y/N, you need to head home before it gets dark.” He moved to help you up, pushing you away from the table and positioning himself between you and James.

“It’s an hour before it gets dark though.” Focusing now on your brother, before looking back out the window at the sky, “the sun is still out.”

“Which is exactly why you need to start making your way.” He pushed, ushering you towards the door, you locked eyes with Andrew who just shrugged at you before turning back to his conversation with John.

“Simon.” Eden spoke, her tone sharp as her eyes narrowed at him, but your brother paid her no mind in his effort to shuttle you out the door, his main objective to get you away from James.

“I can walk her home if it gets dark.” James offered, smiling gently at you before fixing your brother with a perplexed look. At this you nodded, welcoming any time you could get with James, his offer tuning the corners of your lips upward and causing your stomach to flood with butterflies.

“That would be lovely, James.” You blurted, watching as Simon opened his mouth in exasperation, his arms crossed as you went back over to sit with James, the two of you talking and laughing until the sun went down, much to Simon’s annoyance and Andrew’s dismay as Simon had made him stay there waiting.

His plan obviously being to have Andrew take you home instead of James. When you finally decided it was time to go it was almost pitch black outside aside from the flickering light that came from the torches on the buildings. Saying your goodbyes to everyone you gathered your items and walked over to the front door with James behind you.

“Andrew is going to go with you, Y/N, that way James doesn’t have to go all the way through town and back.” Simon informed walking over and dragging Andrew with him, in an effort to push Andrew out the door first.

At this you and James exchanged looks, the slightly deflated look in your eyes making his heart melt, before his dark brown eyes turned toward Simon, “I don’t mind taking her, I’m sure Andrew is tired after being out on the water all day.”

“Andrew is right here though, it only makes more sense that he takes her, brothers are more protective after all.” Simon’s eyebrow raised as he glowered slightly at the bigger man.

“I’d protect Y/N, you need not worry.”

“That’s exactly what I’m worried about!” Simon yelled, the volume of his voice causing you and Andrew to exchange nervous looks.

“I’m trying to protect her from you!” He continued, finger pointing at James in an accusatory manner, both you and Andrew moved closer to the door before looking over at James, who stood with a clenched jaw and crossed arms. His mouth opened to reply before he looked back over at you, your anxious expression calming him a bit, he nodded closing his mouth as he did so.

If he was going to argue with Simon, he wouldn’t do it in front of you, “ok.”

“I’m serious, James, leave her alone.” Simon warned as you all headed out the door, not before you shot a glare at the back of Simon’s head. Andrew nudged you towards the road, eager to get away from the hostile environment. You ignored him however and waited for James to appear, shooting him an apologetic look, “James, I -“

“Come on, Y/N.” Andrew spoke quietly, loitering awkwardly as he waited, “It’s ok, I look forward to seeing you again, soon maybe?” James spoke, eyes gleaming at you with hope.

“I’d like that.”

“I would too.”

Watching him smile at you one last time, you allowed Andrew to pull you away, calling out over your shoulder, “Goodnight, James!”

“Goodnight, Y/N!” His large hand waving at you as you parted ways, he wouldn’t leave you alone, he’d see you again. Besides that, it was only a matter of time before he’d ask for your hand with no fear of either of your brothers.

~*~

Being the sister of Philip, you’d not started to follow Jesus until later, when Philip had invited you to join them. When you’d come in, the group was already well established and bonds had been formed making it a bit more difficult to feel like you really fit in. Except of course, for John who always made sure you were included.

After a while though, your feelings as well as John’s had blossomed into something more than just friendship. And while the two of you hadn’t told anyone but each other about your feelings, your brother Philip had taken a notice of it. The looks that the two of you would share with glimmering eyes, and the smiles that would light up both your faces at the sight of the other doing little to hide your affections for the other.

The fact that the two of you talked about the other nonstop, was also a dead giveaway to Philip. One day, when John had talked to you and asked you about asking Philip for your hand you were both nervous and excited. The two of you having no idea that Philip was already onto you.

“What if he says no?”

“What if he says yes?” The two of you beaming at each other as you made you way towards your brother. Elbows brushing slightly in your close proximity, causing the both of you to blush madly, before John cleared his throat and moved over a step.

Upon spotting Philip the two of you exchanged nervous smiles before heading directly for him, John whispering a hushed prayer as he approached your brother and tapped him lightly on the shoulder. Turning, he smiled at you happily, giving you a hug in greeting and an affectionate kiss on the cheek before releasing you, “You two look excited today.”

You nodded as John cleared his throat nervously, hands on hips as he puffed his chest out slightly. The three of you all looking quietly at each other for a second before Philip’s smile disappeared and his brow furrowed with concern.

“Is everything alright? Did something happen?”

“Everything is fine.” You reassured, looking from your Brother to John whose brow was covered in a thin sheen of sweat. Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed hard before looking Philip directly in the eye.

“I’m in love with your sister!” He blurted, the words so rushed you barely comprehended them. His confession making your eyes widen at him as this wasn’t the way you’d planned for this to go.

“You think I don’t know that already?” Philip laughed, patting John on the shoulder lightly, “you had me worried for a second.”

“Philip…” you whispered, shaking your head at him in an effort to quiet him, your gaze finding John’s again, who smiled now, your brother’s cheerful demeanor obviously relaxing John a bit.

“I was wondering if I might um…” his voice wavering at the end as he looked over at your expectant face. Your excitement making him swoon internally and a blush rise on his cheeks. Philip smiled at him patiently as he worked up the courage to ask his question.

“I was wondering if I might ask for your sister’s hand in marriage?”

Philip’s smile dropped for a second as he looked over at you, your face still as you looked between John and your brother.

“Well, Y/N, is this something you’d want?” Your brother questioned, now turning to give his complete attention to you. Your cheeks hot as you wrung your hands together anxiously before shooting John a hopeful smile.

“Yes.” You responded quietly, just daring to glance up at Philip who was now smiling widely.

“Then I guess welcome to the family!” His tone elated as he hugged John, thumping him on the back as he did so. Your stomach flipped joyfully at the words of approval, smiling so widely your cheeks hurt you let out a gleeful chuckle.

“Praise Adonai! I was so nervous!” John exclaimed hugging your brother back, before beaming over at you. Moving closer to you, he looked over at Philip who nodded at him, as John’s fingers linked with yours.

“Now, comes all the plans and preparations.”

“And you thought asking me was the hardest part, wait until you start planning with Y/N.” Philip teased playfully, earning him a slight shove from you and a laugh from John, smiling at the two of you he departed, knowing that you couldn’t have chosen a better man for a husband.

[thora-sniper]

Crosscember Day 8: Crosshair in coat

This was very hard morning before the ball. Crosshair said "yes" to this invitation but he never thought that he will be nervous like that. Two days ago he met Thora in office, they have very strange private dialogue and she didn't even allow him to say "happy birthday" to her. There is a high probability that they can meet again today and he can't understand - should he look his best at the same time, or should he dress up the way he usually dressed for such events.

The phone call beat him out of his mind. Hunter. Yes, of course, his brother came with his advises at the right time.

-What's going on, Cross? - he was little worried. - You didn't say me, that you going on to this ball. It's not in your style.

-Times changes, - answered Crosshair, looking to two suits in front him. - Brown, or black?

-Those suits? - Hunter clarified.

-Uhu.

-Black. If you think about girls it suits you better. Your ass... you know.

-If I think about one girl...

-It's still black. Did she see you in your uniform?

-Of course, yes. It's only for department workers, and if you want to know, we even worked together, talk each other not so long ago and I still don't understand her completely. She's dying of guilt because I got shot.

-Easy, boy, - calming voice from phone tube trying to purr this words. - Never hear you talking about girls this way.

-I never ever meet such girls as she. Even if she think that she screwed up, I don't want her blame herself until the end of the world. I am clearly not worthy of such an honor.

-As always, - Hunter sighed. - You fit each other, if you want my opinion.

-No. But ok, I'll take black one.

-Have fun.

-Thanks.

*******

Party, ball, fourchette were not that type of event where he can fill himself comfortable. Crosshair put his own sarcastic face to shield himself from different attacks. His scowl and the most inconspicuous position in the corner of the hall helped to keep the brand.

Some ladies tried to push him out of his place, but he was unmoved. He spent two hours and haven't catch any hint of the presence of the Torah in the hall. Sighing heavily, he got up from his seat and went to the cloakroom. He was trying to put his injured arm in the sleeve when felt that someone trying to help him.

-Not necessary... - he said turning over.

-Think so? - she asked. - Looks like you're little drunk and this coat is not your usual cloths choice, and I sure that your arm isn't so well yet.

-Ahhh, you could be little shitty if nobody watching you, yes? But so kind.

Thora nodded with wide smirk.

-It's neutral place, we are not on duty, and I think it is unfair hiding anymore. I wasn't sure that you will go here, and decided to late. I fill very sorry, - she sobbed, changing in her face. Crosshair knew this type of inner struggle, it was his own every day battle, but he never ever seen this in others.

-You can break through the line of raiders but you don't know what to say if you fill something different, - the voice was sharp but his speech was full of empathy. - We don't have to go there, if we don't want, - he nodded to the hall. - I know that all this costumes and dresses looks good and respectful, but sometimes we don't fit them. And today is one of those days.

-Crosshair, - it was the first time she called him by his first name, and this sounds like a light gust of wind. - I can't just disappear, and I can't ask you to stay, but...

She pulled him out of cloakroom, guided to the distant corner and without any other words kissed. She took her time, clinging to him with her whole body, holding his face with her fingertips under his chin. It wasn't one of those tentative kisses, hastily concocted out of insecurity and embarrassment. She knew what she wanted.

-You are incredible, - he grinned when the woman pulled back to straighten her clothes and put her hair in the right condition before going to the hall. - But I really don't want to stay, it's not the place for both of us. If I had been braver, I would have invited you for the weekend. But you would have refused anyway.

He sighed and headed for the exit. Thora called out to him:

-And if I agreed...

He turned over, looked at her hopeful face and answered:

-I'll send you address.

prev | current | next

[girlactionfigure]

Rabbi Reuven Israel Kott was a Torah prodigy whose cleverness and chutzpah saved thousands of Jews from annihilation by the Nazis.

Born in a Polish shtetl in 1897, Reuven was one of fifteen children. His family were Hasidic followers of the Ger Rebbe.

Reuven’s exceptional intellect was apparent at a young age. He was a gifted scholar of Talmud and Jewish scripture, so precocious that he was given rabbinic ordination when only 17 years old.

The Rebbe took a special liking to Reuven, and every Friday night Reuven sat next to the great man at his festive Sabbath gathering. Small in size - he stood only 5’1” - Reuven was known for his big brain, and big heart.

Reuven was selected by his community to represent them as the Jewish voice on the local provincial council. When the Polish president died in the 1920’s, young Reuven stood at the graveside with other clergy and delivered a eulogy on behalf of the Jews of Poland.

Although life seemed fairly good for Polish Jews at the time, the Ger Rebbe sensed that big trouble was coming. He urged his followers to get out of Poland and move to Eretz Yisrael (the Land of Israel), at that time British Mandate Palestine.

As the Rebbe’s right-hand man, Rabbi Reuven Kott threw himself into the mission of helping Jews leave Poland and return to their ancestral homeland.

The British had a quota system restricting the number of Jewish families they let in. Reuven took advantage of a bureaucratic loophole defining “family” as two parents and an undetermined number of offspring.

Reuven collected money and bribed Polish authorities to get blank birth certificates. He would then “create” new families, matching people up, changing names and identities as needed. Every “family" had at least a dozen children.

Reuven told those he helped that they must stick with their fake identity. Most people complied, but a few didn’t and were caught. Under threat of being sent back to Poland, somebody gave Reuven’s name to the authorities.

Reuven and his brother were on a train in Warsaw when three plain-clothes officers approached. After verifying his identity, they arrested Reuven for bribery and forgery and threw him in jail. As a pious Jew, Reuven couldn’t eat the non-kosher jail food, so every day his daughter brought him a kosher meal - a two hour journey each way.

After several long months, his brother finally got word that there was going to be a hearing in the case. He went to visit Reuven in jail, told him the news and asked which lawyer he wanted to hire.

Reuven scribbled something on a scrap of paper, folded it up and slipped it through the bars of his cell. Outside the jail, Reuven’s brother unfolded the note. He was shocked to read the contents: “Hire me the most anti-Semitic lawyer in Warsaw!“

Reuven’s family was baffled. With so many top-notch Jewish lawyers, why would he want an anti-Semite? Had his incarceration led to a mental breakdown? Reuven’s brother assured them that he was of sound mind, and he went to Warsaw and found an attorney notorious for his fierce hatred of Jews.

The day of the hearing arrived, and the courthouse was packed with hundreds of Hasids from Reuven’s community. Reuven was allowed only three minutes with his lawyer, and then the hearing began.

To everybody’s shock, Reuven’s lawyer stood up, made a brilliant argument, and got the case dismissed.

Back home in the shtetl, everybody wanted to know what Reuven had said to his lawyer in those three minutes. Reuven said his Talmud study had taught him that in a business deal, if you get three “Yes” answers, the deal will close.

He asked his lawyer three questions:

- You hate us Jews, don’t you?

- Do you want to see me rot and die in jail?

- Would you like all of us Jews gone from Poland?

The lawyer answered yes to all three questions. Reuven immediately shot back, “What good would it do if one measly Jew rots in jail? If you set me free, I can get all the Jews out of Poland!”

Reuven got what he wanted by blinding the lawyer with his own hate. He continued his work “creating” large families and helping them move to Palestine. The anti-Semitic attorney even helped him procure more blank birth certificates. People often asked Reuven when he would go to Eretz Yisrael. He said, “I’m like the captain of a sinking ship. It is my responsibility to get all the passengers out before I get in the lifeboat.”

Over the course of 20 years, Reuven helped tens of thousands of Jews escape Poland. Today, almost half a million descendants of those Polish Jews owe their lives to Rabbi Reuven Israel Kott.

Unfortunately, Reuven himself never made it to Israel. He was murdered at Auschwitz in 1942.

For proving that one small man in three short minutes can accomplish miracles beyond measure, we honor Rabbi Reuven Israel Kott as this week’s Thursday Hero at Accidental Talmudist.

This story was told to us by Reuven’s granddaughter, Ziporah Bank. She heard it from her mom - the daughter who brought kosher meals to Rabbi Kott in prison. 

Accidental Talmudist

[idylls-of-the-divine-romance]

Just dumping a whole lot of Christmas Matins in your inbox. Analyse as much or as little as you like (don't do all of it if you don't want this post to be obscenely long)

Openly portrayed by the bush that did not burn, Ever-virgin Mary’s hallowed womb carried God the Logos, united with human nature, releasing Eve’s unhappy womb from the bitter curse she heard years and years before. We humans now glorify Him.

Skilfully the Master fully eradicated atrocious enmity towards Him by His incarnation, killing the power of the soul-corrupting Devil, establishing unity of the world with the Angels. Forevermore He reconciled us to His Father.

He is come made flesh: Christ our God, whom from the womb before the morning star does God the Father beget. He who rides upon the immaculate host of the heavenly minds now is laid in a manger of irrationals. He is wrapped in tattered swaddling clothes, but He looses transgressions’ entangling bonds.

I see here a new and paradoxical mystery. For the cave resembles heaven, the Virgin, the cherubic throne, the manger, a grand space, in which He Whom nothing can contain was laid, Christ our God; Whom we extol in song and magnify.

Your nativity, O Christ our God, has caused the light of knowledge to rise upon the world. For therein the worshippers of the stars were by a star instructed to worship You, the Sun of Righteousness, and to know You as Orient from on high. Glory to You, O Lord.

I will try my best to exhibit discipline lol 

Dude. “Openly portrayed by the bush that did not burn, Ever-virgin Mary’s hallowed womb carried God the Logos, united with human nature, releasing Eve’s unhappy womb from the bitter curse she heard years and years before.” Jesus as a greater-than-Moses (Matthew and John would be proud), the Logos-became-Flesh, Yahweh’s Lament from Genesis 3!!! Mary as the New Greater Eve is definitely very dear to me (was reading Rev 12 yesterday and this morning). Jesus portrayed by a bush that did not burn… something to contemplate. 

“Skillfully the Master” this sounds like wisdom literature to me. Reminds me of Proverbs 8 and also as a subversion of Gen 3 where the nakhash is skillful. And God as Father is both Lady Wisdom and Adam. 

“He who rides upon the immaculate host of the heavenly minds now is laid in a manger of irrationals. He is wrapped in tattered swaddling clothes, but He looses transgressions’ entangling bonds.” Savage. Absolutely amazing lines like what!? 

“For the cave resembles heaven, the Virgin, the cherubic throne, the manger, a grand space, in which He Whom nothing can contain was laid” Whoa. I… I need to meditate on this for a long time. I literally have no notes. Feels like something from a mystic

“Your nativity, O Christ our God, has caused the light of knowledge to rise upon the world.” Proverbs 8/John 1. Especially John 1. Also Psalm 19, I learned recently all the adjectives about the Torah in that psalm are references to the sun. “For therein the worshippers of the stars were by a star instructed to worship You, the Sun of Righteousness, and to know You as Orient from on high. Glory to You, O Lord.” YES!!!!! I Read this one last week it is sooooo cool. Combining Isaiah and Matthew and Malachi so marvelously!!

[artist-issues]

Fair enough, you did request this continue in the asks.

1) you talk about the Jewish God, then use orthodox Jewish beliefs as an example, and then excoriate Sugar - who is not orthodox - for not meeting those standards. And then go back to saying Jewish. You talk about Jews but every time you try to prove something, you specify orthodox. Which makes it sound like you think the only authentic way to be Jewish is to be orthodox. Which is both wrong and woefully incomplete, given how wide ranging orthodox approaches are.

2) you could probably have avoided a lot of grief if you prefaced that “the Christian perspective (or specific to a denomination) is that…”.

Because while you have the same right to claim what your religion says as any of us, it is equally correct for me to make those claims about mine. Christianity thinks that Jews and Christians worship the same God. Jews think that the invention of the trinity and the idea of a divine messiah is deep fundamental heresy and that the god you worship is as far away from our God as Zeus. It is disingenuous to talk about what Christians believe is true about Jews without noting that Jews disagree.

Which gets me to my next point—the things you say Jews believe is incorrect.

- We don’t believe that Tanakh contains all that can be known about God. The entire rabbinic project has been about engaging with the Torah as the starting point for a deep and ongoing conversation with God and that halakha - Jewish law - is God’s invitation for us to build a world with God. And the capacity of halakha to shift and move and remain both rooted in tradition and open to the world is a sign of what some Jewish theologians calls cumulative revelation. As new ideas become widespread in Judaism, their acceptance is a mark of God’s will. God speaks to us through us.

- what I mean by “you’re telling the Christian story” is that no Jewish person ever would describe what we did as ignoring God. We would describe ourselves as being in ongoing relationship with the TV show’s creator while Christianity decided the plot was too hard to follow halfway through season 2 and went off to create an unlicensed spin-off with none of the original creative team.

Again, it’s abundantly clear to me that that’s not how you conceptualize your own religion. But when you’re describing why Jews and Christians are similar, you’re characterizing Judaism in ways that are not internally true. It’s like saying “we’re best friends” when what you mean is “I think you’re my best friend, but you think we are passing acquaintances.” Or, to put it another way, saying “they’re the same god” is no less true than calling Christianity an idolatrous offshoot insofar as one reflects the Christian worldview and the other the Jewish. We each have the right to affirm our own theologies, but it’s important to note that they are internal theologies and Jews don’t agree with your characterization. We think you left our God and made up your own when Jesus become understood as divine.

- this is also not internal to Jewish theology. There’s a whole debate about what is called טעמי מצוות - the reasons for commandments - and the debate includes but ranges far beyond the particularity of the Israelite nation and right worship. This also gets back to the point that rabbinic Judaism takes the Torah as a gift from God and the starting point for the formulation of halakha. Not the end point. We’re expected to come back and negotiate and ask for clarification. Rabbinic literature is RIFE with the stories of how we negotiate with God, including the famous story of the Oven of Akhnai where (were in around 120 CE at this point) a heavenly voice emerges telling the rabbis who is correct and the rabbis disagree anyway and God in heaven laughs with delight and says “my sons have defeated me”. An integral part of Jewish theology is the idea that we too have authority when it comes to the meaning of the Torah and the ability to interpret and make meaning. So any time you claim that something is explicit in Tanakh and supports the Christian perspective, the odds are very good that it’s an interpretive move made by Christians and not Jews. (There is no such thing as a plain meaning of the text, all meaning is interpretation.)

Also point 2 is outside of Jewish theology. There’s no idea in Judaism that we NEED to fix our relationship with God from the get go. It is possible for an individual to sin and need to repent, but the idea is always that human beings have in themselves the capacity to do that. And some rabbis even say that baalei teshuva - those who have erred and repented - stand higher than the completely righteous. There’s also a saying in the Talmud: רצה הקדוש ברוך הוא לזכות את ישראל, לפיכך הרבה להם תורה ומצות - The holy blessed one wished to bestow merit upon the Jewish people and therefore made for them much Torah and many mitzvot. It’s an opportunity.

3) I assume others have mentioned the No True Scotsman fallacy and…it’s just not true that Christians who do terrible things in Christ’s name are not Christians any more than Jews who do terrible things stop being Jews. The relationship between Judaism and Christianity is possibly irreparably harmed because of how often people calling themselves Christians murdered Jews. And it is still Christianity’s failure as a religion that it creates people who so horribly violate its tenets in its name. It is the responsibility of a religion and those who adhere to it to do something about those who claim to follow it and go on to commit atrocities. Even if they are no longer Christians in your view, they are Christianity’s problem and Christianity’s responsibility.

And making claims about what Jews believe without even having the grace to note that you are speaking of the Christian conception and that Jews would not agree with this view is…not reassuring me that Christianity as such has gotten better about seeing the real, distinct humanity of the Jewish people beyond their usefulness in making Christianity look older.

I think I actually have no fundamental disagreement with you on points 1 and 2, with the exception that I don’t believe it was necessary for me to clarify “Christians believe this” more than I already did. I presented it as objective truth because that’s what it is; I didn’t want to focus on “my belief,” and the cultural preference for couching everything in terms of “my truth but maybe not your truth;” I wanted to focus on the truth, and so I presented it as such.

My point was that Christians believe that God did and said what He did and said as recorded in the Old Testament, and as I understand it, so do Jews. I have met with those who do, so that is who I am talking about. Those Jews who do not believe that the Old Testament all literally occurred in history as written, or that God is not who He presents Himself to be in the Old Testament, are not who I’m talking about.

In that sense, (my point) we believe in the same God, and then when we disagree about the person and deity of Jesus Christ, sure, we no longer do. Because how could we believe in the same Being if one “version” of that Being did something the other “version” did not do? That was sort of my whole point. That’s common sense. Obviously if you tell me your life story, and I agree with you that that happened, and then you move away and continue living your life, but I make up stories about what you’re continuing to do thousands of miles away, we’re no longer talking about the same “abotl.” Again, that’s common sense. I didn’t communicate that clearly enough, evidently. So I’m glad you pursued sending this ask.

Another exception to my general agreement with you would be that, if you check the comments where Sugar’s being a Jew was originally brought up, I made the point that I did not know what branch of Judaism she was claiming to adhere to, but if her show did not communicate values in line with Judaism, it had no bearing on the commentary on God I was observing. Because she can’t be the kind of person who says “I believe in God’s authority” but also “I don’t believe God has any authority.” If she says both those things, she’s lying about one or both; they contradict one another.

Obviously, in addition, I think it’s sort of fruitless to talk about different interpretations of the Torah because we’re coming at it from two completely different bases. I think the most foundational difference is that you believe that “there is no such thing as a plain meaning of a text, all meaning is interpretation.” That’s not true. You’re arguing with words I wrote down concerning Jewish theology; that would be totally pointless if you didn’t assume I had a intended meaning as the author, and pursue the points I made as if you had discovered what that intended meaning was. Now, you might be wrong about my intended meaning (which would be incorrect interpretation.) But even to be “wrong,” that necessitates that there is a “right.” Your statement also implies that any practical, useful, applicable or important information (“meaning”) that can be found in Scripture is assigned by the humans reading it, which re,elates Scrioture to the same level as any man-made text (albeit remarkably well-preserved and ancient.) Unless my interpretation of your words is incorrect.

So I can’t reasonably discuss the meaning of something with someone who doesn’t believe in plain meaning regardless of interpretation.

As for point 3…

The relationship is not “irreparably harmed.” I can’t fix it, but Christ can. It’s a bold claim to make that any human relationship can be “beyond repair” when there’s a sovereign God.

I have answered this repetitively, and I’ll do it one more time, but then I have to be done because it’s falling on deaf ears: the word “Christian” means “little Christ.” Therefore if you do not act like Christ, especially in major lifestyle choices, you are not being, in that moment or as long as you defend and embrace those choices, a little Christ. Even if you still claim the title. Even if you go to church. Even if you and your actions are associated with the name. Because the only qualifier for the word “Christian” is “lives in Christ.” And like I said: the murder of Jews, or anybody, or the torture of , racism toward, and cruelty toward anybody, is in no way what Jesus taught, or would do. Again; if a vegetarian eats meat, they’re not a vegetarian. It sounds like you’re confusing people calling themselves something with them actually being that thing. The “No True Scots” fallacy requires that I change the definition of “Christianity” to make exceptions when counterexamples to my original definition are brought up; nowhere have I changed the definition of “Christian” from my original explanation to do that. Therefore, it’s not a “No True Scots” fallacy, just like a professed-Christian who isn’t in Christ is not a Christian.

“And it is still Christianity’s failure as a religion that it creates people who so horribly violate its tenets in its name. It is the responsibility of a religion and those who adhere to it to do something about those who claim to follow it and go on to commit atrocities. Even if they are no longer Christians in your view, they are Christianity’s problem and Christianity’s responsibility.”

That’s very untrue. First off: suggesting that Christianity “failed” as a religion because “it created” the people who do the opposite of what Christ teaches is impossible, because it would be like saying “a mom taught her son to never eat meat and because of that he ate meat.” Okay, well, you could come up with a connection between the two, like, “the son felt so desperate to eat something other than fruits and vegetables that he decided to try meat.” But the mom and her teachings are in no way responsible for that connection. If the son followed her teachings and, what’s more, believed in them, he wouldn’t have eaten meat. That’s what necessarily follows from genuine adherence to a belief faithfully taught. Instead, it is because of something in the son, disliking or disagreeing with the teaching, not something in the teaching, that he deviated from it. His reaction to the teaching is not prescribed by the teaching. He can blame his reaction, or his actions independent of the teaching, on the teaching. He can say it was too restrictive, but ultimately, his choices are his. And the teaching told him to do the opposite of what he’s doing.

It’d be the same if you asked me to walk your dog, with those words exactly, and I went out and killed your dog in the middle of the street, then grabbed your neighbors dogs and started adding them to the murder scene—and did it all screaming at the top of my lungs, “this is what abotl told me to do! I do this in the name of abotl!” And later, when I’m accused and denounced, I say, “abotl said to walk their dog. Walk means kill, and kill progressively, like taking one step in front of the other. I’m a follower of abotl, so I did what they said to do.” All I did was take the opposite of what you told me to do and claim that that opposite was the correct interpretation of your words.

But are you responsible for that? Are any of your actual followers who do safely walk and care for your dog responsible for my actions? Of course not.

You could contrive some responsibility. You could say, “well in that scenario, abotl should’ve known enough about artist-issues to see that their interpretation of words was seriously flawed and they just wanted to kill dogs; abotl never should have entrusted their dog to someone like artist-issues, or should’ve explained more clearly, just like Christians should have seen the danger of murderers in their midst and taught them not to murder more clearly.” But that’s still only responsibility up to a point.

Christians aren’t omnipresent, omnipotent, or omniscient. They can’t be expected to know every thought and intention of the members of their congregation. They can’t explain any more clearly than God Himself does, and they can’t change man’s hearts. All they can do is be faithful to replace lies with the truth of what Christ said and fight injustice when and where they have the opportunity, the way God tells them to fight in Scripture.

That said, we do do something when people commit atrocities; both in the misuse of the name of Christianity, and not.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the Christian pastor, is a prime example. (I know that it’s popular to call him “antisemetic,” but if all that term means is “believes the Christian doctrine that Jews should become Christians,” well, that’s not discriminatory toward Jews, because we believe that about everybody, including ourselves before we became Christians. It’s not a special desire to wipe out any one culture or people and swallow them into our religion; it’s a doctrine of general “humanity is broken, but in Christ can be made whole, and should be.”) And the point here is that he, flawed though he was, knew that Hitler’s German Christianity regime was anti-Biblical, and anti-teachings-of-Christ, just like the vegetarians that eat meat. He not only gave up his life, his career, his safety, and his good name to protect Jews from the Holocaust, but he also actively spoke out against Hitler, Hitler’s German Christianity institution, any professing Protestant who welcomed the Nazi regime or teaching, and eventually was hung for trying to assassinate Hitler. And he’s just a big name representative of many Christians who protected the oppressed or died trying, against people who were doing the oppressing in Christ’s name.

In America, the slave trade was long defended by people who claimed Christ. They even had Scripture, incorrectly interpreted and improperly applied, to back up their oppression and cruelty. But people like William Wilberforce, John Newton, and Harriet Beecher Stowe (who quoted or alluded to Scripture almost 100 times in the abolitionist book Uncle Tom’s Cabin) pointed out how definitively anti-Christian the slave trade and the oppression of people were with their whole lives; they correctly interpreted Scripture and properly applied Jesus' teaching to do this.

Christians are fallen human beings saved by the grace of Christ who are not perfect, nor do they fight for truth and the protection of the innocent perfectly. In fact, they get it woefully wrong a lot of the time. But Jesus said we would. And that His grace is sufficient for our weakness. So our failures don’t mean we stop trying, and it certainly doesn’t mean that any time we fail, we discredit the teachings of Christ.

If you want to imply “well some Christians oppress savagely, and some Christians protect the innocent, so who’s to say which one is “real Christianity?” All Christians, the whole religion, is corrupt!” The Christian would answer, “well, yeah. We’re human. We never said we were following Christ’s teachings perfectly. We’re just trying to do it increasingly, by grace, through faith. We’re not perfect. Christ’s teachings are perfect.”

You can call it a cop-out if you want. But honestly, the responsibility for sin is on the sinner alone, unless they give their life to Christ, then He takes the punishment and enables them to live the rest of their lives as imperfect but increasingly sanctified followers of His teachings. Ultimate judgement belongs to God alone, even if there are consequences to wrongdoing on earth. And that’s been a tenet of the Christian faith since the Christian faith existed. So nobody’s moving the goalposts or re-defining the original definition.

Finally, we acknowledge Jewish people’s real, distinct humanity. Just because we also acknowledge the connection between the history of the Jewish people and faith and our faith does not mean that we’re minimizing you, your experience, or your humanity. But the truth of the matter is, either Jesus was the Son of God or He wasn’t. We can each believe we’re right, but one or both of us have to be wrong. We can’t both be right. And there’s no “ignoring of humanity” that comes with a Christian saying, “I am right about this.” Any more than there would be any “ignoring of Christians’ humanity” that comes along with a Jew saying, “No, I am right about this.” That’s what it boils down to. Also, who’s doing that? Who’s trying to say that Jews are only valuable because they make Christianity look older? I’d like to talk to that person. If it’s me, you’ve wildly misunderstood and mischaracterized me.

Thanks for wording this so thoroughly and pursuing a conversation with me.

(NOTE: Anyone who wants to dogpile on here, find their own offenses with what I’ve said or what abotl’s said, and decry one of us as racist or bigoted or stupid or whatever, I’m not talking to you here. Don’t expect any replies. I’m all done with the trolling. On this particular post, I’m talking to abotl. If you’ve got something to add respectfully, or to defend because you genuinely believe it, you can do it in my Inbox. It’s open to anybody who can reason because they’ve thought through what they believe and want to defend it beyond name-calling and reading what they want into other people’s words.)

[hyperpotamianarch]

The Jewsade

So, this isn't the first time I write about it. That honour belongs to the post I've made about Judaism in the world of His Dark Materials. However, that particular post was always meant to serve two branches - the one about history and the other about the Jewish outlook on dæmons. So I don't think it's a good post to introduce the idea. Thus, I'm honoured to present to you the new introduction to the Jewsade.

Firstly, I would like to tell you about a fascinating event from our world, the one that offers the basis to this story.

Imagine this: you are a Venetian Jew, living in the ghetto. Not too long ago, about two to three decades, there has been a wave of Sefaradi immigrants, escaping their banishment from their land. They don't have much hope anymore for things to get better, with friends and family suffering under the Spanish Inquisition.

Then, one day, an odd man comes to town. He's Jewish, relatively dark skin, on the shorter side, and wears exotic clothings. He speaks odd Hebrew, and claims to come from a Jewish kingdom far away to talk to the Pope. He needs some degree of financing from you so that he could go to Rome.

The community eventually finances him and he heads to Rome, riding a fine horse. He is accepted by the Jewish community there, and using the ties of one of their members, he manages to get an audieance with the Pope. To him, he explains: as he's the general of said Jewish kingdom (and the king's brother), he wants cannons and artillery from Europe to help him fight the Ottomans and take the Holy Land. He simply wants the Pope to give him recommendation letters to the kings of Europe, to persuade them to lend him their aid - in the form of weaponry, as he already has the people.

All that is real, historical events. Which, I really don't know how otherworldly it sounds, but it's not exactly normal. The story doesn't end here, but since the story of this Jewish (supposed) general is later intertwined with that of another person, and it would probably lengthen this post a little too much if I told it. And so, I prefer pausing here - especially since this is very close to the point of divergence.

The Pope geve this man - David Reubeni - recommendation letters to the kings of Portugal and Ethiopia. Reubeni got stuck in Italy for a while because the Portuguese ambassador didn't like or believe him, but he eventually went to Portugal where the Inquisition stopped for the duration of his visit. This sparked excitement among the conversos, the Jews of Portugal who were forced to convert to Christianity just about two and a half decades earlier - which kind of annoyed king João I of Portugal, who asked David if he came to make the conversos go back to Judaism, which the latter denied. However, when one converso by the name of Diogo Pires came to David repeatedly, trying to talk to him about returning to Judaism and later circumcising himself of his own accord - well, that was the last straw. Diogo, who renamed himself Shəlomoh Molcho, was forced to flee Portugal and David had to leave later as well. Molcho went on to study much Torah and became something of a mystic. He prophecied an overflowing of the Tiber and an earthquake in Portugal, and even received official letters of protection from the Pope despite being a Christian who abandoned Catholicism to become a Jew. David went through some stuff, including being arrested in Spain and later freed, and the two of them eventually met and went to emperor Charles V of Germany (who was also Carlos I of Spain), hoping to... cpnvince him to help them, or convert to Judaism, or both. It doesn't matter, because they were arrested, tortured and executed (on separate occasions).

The world of the Jewsade tries exploring the question: but what if they did obtain the weaponry David Reubeni wanted so much? What if they managed conquering the Holy Land? Well, the first problem with that is David's claims about a Jewish kingdom, which he claims was located "in the desert of Ḥabor". To be more accurate, the problem is this kingdom being fake.

As far as modern historians know, there has not been any independent Jewish kingdom anywhere ever since Khazar, which is itself a debated topic. The likelihood of an actual Jewish kingdom existing around the 16th century is slim at best. The historians also don't really know where David came from exactly - was he from the Arabian peninsula? Ethiopia? India? Was he, perhaps, an Ashkenazi Jew who spent a lot of times around southern or eastern areas? All those are theories that were raised.

For the sake of my story, I'm considering having it be that he told the full truth: somewhere in the Arabian peninsula, in areas not fully controlled by the Ottomans, there's a Jewish kingdom of people from the tribes of Re'uven and Gad, ruled over by a king of the Davidic line and a council of 70 elders. Another option is David managing to bluff his way through to the king of Portugal while simultaneously recruiting Jewish men from across Europe to serve as his army. Though I'm considering doing both - maybe the Jewish kingdom exists, but it's way smaller than David made it out to be and they don't really have enough soldiers to man many cannons and weaponry alone isn't really enough.

In this continuity, maybe the Pope gives David more recommendation letters. Maybe Shəlomoh Molcho manages to hide his return to Judaism and helps convince the king of Portugal to lend David the weapons and ships, then joins him with a bunch of conversos to escape Portugal and return to Judaism. I don't really know yet what happened, and the way I'm trying to tell the story right now doesn't really require me to know much outside the final outcome: an independent Jewish kingdom in Israel, in spite of both the Ottoman empire and European rising colonial powers wanting to control it.

This kingdom might be in a precarious situation. It might be destroyed by the Ottomans in any minute, or have to bow down before Christian rulers. However, for the time being, there's a Jewish kingdom in Eretz Yisra'el. The Temple might be rebuilt, Jews might flood the newly established kingdom... and we'll have to see.

As mentioned in a different post, the format I'm currently trying is telling the story through various documents, so far including the preface and Hascamot on a halachic book and a letter from this kingdom's king to Jews in diaspora. Since this is supposedly in the world of His Dark Materials, there should probably be dæmons, and by the time the kingdom is founded the Pope will be replaced by John Calvin. Depending how long the kingdom will stand, it might get a chance to put its hands on an Alethiometer as well. The likelihood of that, though, is low.

[saltinmysweaters]

This time I will change, I swear to it!

Tonight I find myself on the roof

A place I'd only ever come with you

Old habits, they die hard, don't they?

Oh, they don't hardly die

I'm the same person I was an hour ago, 

yesterday, 

a year ago,

Just with a little less light in my eyes

But the darkness is no longer sacred, is it? 

For when the streetlights come up, you can never be alone

Tonight, it is silent, save for the sound of pots and pans

And joyous voices raising up in song all across the coast

That cacophonous cocoon of pleasure that I am not a part of

I don’t mind; in a matter of time that mirth will be mine

I will spin myself into something great until I’m dizzy

This time I will change, I swear to it!

Tonight I find myself on your front doorstep

I don't know the way there, or where you even live

  but somehow my body did

And I bang on the battered wood to tell you that I am not who you think I am

And that I do do whatever I want (in moderation)

And that any progress is progress at all, microscopic or small

Oh, this time I'll show you, I will!

I was never young, oh, forgive me if I was

A leaf, fresh and green, is pinched between my fingers

Tonight, I wasn't kind, so tomorrow, I'll be kinder

And when I doubt my kindness I'll use you as a reminder

I may avert my eyes, I may stare too long,

I may hold my tongue, I may let it run,

I do not burn bridges, though I may leave them charred,

But I always leave the door open, I always leave the light on

For those who want to enter, I’ll be waiting in the parlor

Legs crossed, arms wide, eyes flick’ring like a white lighter

Low on fluid, but ready to burn all that you know anew.

Sometimes I'd wake up to find myself in a prison of my own making

With shiny prints of you and me taped up on the wall

Stalking in circles like a caged, wounded animal

Sopping up the blood I’d left on the bed

Sometimes you'd be my cellmate telling me how you were going to get us out, set us free

Or rather that you'd left and come back to tell me you could save me

Your elaborate scheme to finally shake me of myself

To carve a hole in the wall with something other than my fist and get out "for good"

But this system, it’s broken; Most prisoners come right back, you know.

The safety of the brick wall, the routine of the wake up call

The food in the the belly and the shelter from the storm outside

And sometimes even I think I'd do anything to be locked up with you again

Ever testing the limits of our love, performing for nobody, fighting over nothing

But is it better to be safe and suffering, or free and facing the flood?

Maybe the heart yearns for the simpler struggle, when times were not easy but easier

But why did you throw the key into the water? Why must you always make yourself a martyr?

Sometimes I'd wake up to find myself in a hell of my own making

(This is most times; an hour ago, yesterday, and tomorrow, too)

Where my only shelter was behind words and assorted symbols

And when even those no longer withstood the test of time

The red river the Torah warned me of would come rushing down my street

And all that raced for my heart's favor would trample me to its pulsing beat

Leaving me as nothing but blood, love, and carnage

And it was wonderful to not be anything else, if only for a moment

Before human nature came and tried to sew me back together

Open the door! Someone is there and they want to save me!

They want to let me inside, to let me sit by the fire and thaw my frozen fingers!

Oh, slight change of heart: do not open the door.

Through the peephole I saw someone that had my face, a past iteration of myself, maybe?

(This is the one that wrings my hands and pulls my hair out in clumps; this one will not save me)

Do not open the door, leave me out in the storm a moment more,

I’ve seen this charade a million times before, soon enough I will stop knocking,

Soon enough I will skulk away, back to the dark corner from which I came,

It must be so cold up where heaven soars; what must draw me back to hell is the warmth.

[yellingmetatron]

Numbers 2, 3, and 5

2. What are your unpopular opinion(s) of the fandom you’re rping in?

I am choosing to classify this as the 'Abrahamic mythology' fandom rather than Hellaverse because I honestly don't think I have unpopular opinions for that. As in, as far as I can tell a lot of people have the same complaints as me. Like. Even disliking Stolas as I do seems (despite what the more frothing haters would tell you) pretty common. This fandom seems to have pretty diverse opinions, whoda thunk.

So, to the point: I don't like the way people interpret the Old Testament (speaking in RP terms). It's kind of awkward to express this, but let me just say historical and cultural context makes a lot of issues more complex than at first glance. And oh my god, this has turned into a mini essay somehow, I can't help myself, more under the cut.

TL;DR, there is more diversity of myth that could make playing a Biblical character more fun, and I wish more people were aware of that. If you want the whole big rant, it follows thus:

Fr'instance: The Oral Torah states that before the Israelites made war on the tribes of Canaan, they gave diplomacy a shot and it didn't work. Now, obviously not everybody is going to cite that, but my main point is, throughout history the text has been commented on, and various traditions passed down on how to interpret it.

Let me give you another example of how intensive this can get: In the Written Torah, Pharaoh's Daughter (known as Bithiah or Batyah in rabbinic literature) is described as sending out a handmaiden to retrieve Moses from the Nile. In the Gemara, an argument immediately breaks out, because an uncommon word for servant is used that could also be translated as 'hand'. One sage argues it should be read literally as hand, and that Batyah's physical hand stretched outward by several cubits (traditionally the length from the elbow to the tip of the middle finger). If this sounds horrific, well, it is. But it also seems to violate the tradition that God does not do miracles in vain-- he only directly subverts the laws of nature to make a point. And it'd be easy to just have a handmaid go out to get Moses. So what gives?

Well, other commentary argued that yes, "hand" should be read literally, but should not be interpreted literally. What is meant to be understood here, say the sages, is that Batyah's hand united with God's hand to save Moses, and the hand of God is infinite. It emphasizes the total unity of action of Batyah with God, highlighting her righteousness and how she achieved something as "impossible", i.e. miraculous, as her hand physically extending-- saving a Hebrew child who would grow up to be their greatest leader as the daughter of a king who hated the Hebrews.

This is important in general for biblical narrative from a Christian standpoint, too, because Jesus uses metaphor and parables all the damn time. His discussion with Nicodemus looks weird to a lot of people-- Nico looks kinda dumb, asking if Jesus means being born again as a literal return to the womb-- except this is what actual rabbinic discourse could look like, and they were both rabbis. Nothing was taken for granted, and for all Nico knew Jesus coulda gone "Yes, I meant a literal return to the womb. Now, here is what I mean by womb, because that is the part that should be understood figuratively..." or some such.

Look, part of this rant is inspired by an age-old grievance I have with one of my favorite commentators on myth, Joseph Campbell, who really hated what he read of the Hebrew Bible. And I get that! Lots of people have been in that position! Except the majority of the people from the group who produced it didn't think just reading it was enough. You had to know a bunch of other traditions-- god save me, I will resist explaining how that whole 'an eye for an eye' thing was supposed to be read-- and this often carries into Christianity and Islam as well. Even Luther and Calvin didn't think absolutely everything written should be taken literally, despite what some fundies will tell you.

3. What rp trends are you so over and can’t wait for it to die?

Answered!

5. A ship everyone in the fandom you’re in loves, but you can’t stand?

I tend to find the idea that Jesus an Mary Magdalene were an item one of the oldest written instances of 'men and women can't just be friends'. And I am forcing myself not to turn that into a mini essay. One per post, Metamun, one per post.