yellingmetatron

[yellingmetatron]

Reblog if you like long-winded lore posts

[yellingmetatron]

Excuse me, you do intelligence gathering in Hell?

"SO NU? WHAT'S WITH THE FUCKING SURPRISE? IT'S MY FUCKING EXISTENTIAL IMPERATIVE TO RECORD THINGS, AND HELL IS ONE OF THE FEW PLACES I CAN'T JUST SEE WHENEVER I FUCKING WANT. SO I HAVE INTERMEDIARIES FOR THAT."

"IN HELL IS ALSO NOT QUITE FUCKING ACCURATE; I DON'T LIKE MY AGENTS TO GO DOWN THERE IF THERE'S ANY OTHER OPTION. TOO RISKY. BUT YOU'D BE SURPRISED HOW MUCH SHIT GOING ON IN HELL YOU CAN DIG UP WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE IN THE RIGHT PLACES ON EARTH. HELPS WHEN CERTAIN BOZOS PULL SHIT LIKE, SAY, SETTING UP AN ASSASSINATION AGENCY THAT REGULARLY OPENS PORTALS."

[yellingmetatron]

Your own thoughts on the Goetia thing? It might affect diplomacy.

"DUNNO ABOUT THAT. MIGHT AFFECT CERTAIN INTELLIGENCE GATHERING OPERATIONS, THOUGH, WHICH IS WHAT I'M REALLY FUCKING INTERESTED IN."

[yellingmetatron]

How exactly do you relate to the rest of the angelic hierarchy? I see so many angels who are supposed to be 'the most powerful angel', it's confusing.

"IT'S ONLY CONFUSING BECAUSE YOU'RE STUCK SEEING IN ONLY FOUR DIMENSIONS, TOPS, AND ALSO 'POWER' IS FUCKIN' RELATIVE.

"I AM THE ARCHCHANCELLOR OF HEAVEN. THEORETICALLY THIS PUTS ME AT THE TOP OF THE SHITPILE, BUT IN PRACTICE ALL I CAN REALLY DO IS RELAY G-D'S WILL TO THE REST OF THE HOST IF HE DOESN'T FEEL LIKE TALKING TO THEM PERSONALLY-- WHICH HAPPENS MORE THAN YOU'D THINK. I USED TO TAKE A MORE... ACTIVE ROLE IN AFFAIRS BOTH DIVINE AND MUNDANE. IT DIDN'T FUCKING WORK OUT WELL FOR ANYONE.

"THE BIG THREE-- MIKE, GABE, AND RAPH-- WOULD THEORETICALLY ANSWER TO ME ONLY IF I HAD A DIVINE MANDATE. WITHOUT THAT, I'M STUCK WITH THE THREE SAME FUCKING SHITTY PREROGATIVES AS THE BRITISH MONARCHY-- THE RIGHT TO BE CONSULTED, THE RIGHT TO ENCOURAGE, AND THE RIGHT TO WARN. SAME GOES FOR HOWEVER MANY ARCHANGELS THERE ARE RULING IN WHATEVER FUCKING FACET OF THE MULTIVERSE YOU PERCEIVE.

"AND YES, DESPITE MY POSITION, IN MOST ITERATIONS OF CREATION, LUCE WAS ALWAYS DAD'S FAVORITE. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THAT GENUINELY NEVER MATTERED TO ME. IT WAS JUST NICE THAT THEY WERE... HAPPY IN EACH OTHER. FOR A TIME.

"ANYWAY, THIS IS ALL A GROSS FUCKING OVERSIMPLIFICATION. HOW I RELATE TO MY SIBS DEPENDS ON WHICH ITERATIONS OF THEM I'M INTERACTING WITH. PERCEIVING MULTIPLES REALITIES SIMULTANEOUSLY IS KIND OF A FUCKING MENTAL SHITSTORM."

[yellingmetatron]

D, Z

D ─ Dreams. A wet dream my muse has had about yours, and whether they’d want to make it come true.

Mmm. Many involve considerable shapeshifting. One thing Meta is dying to try is something where they each have multiple sets of genitals. Tentacles are involved.

Z ─ Zones. What are their most erogenous zones ?  Does their partner know all of them ?  Do they make sure to stimulate each other in said zones ?

Wings, of course, especially the base, though he likes them stroked as much as the next angel. Also his neck (very much), his inner thighs, and his chest (also very much, and he's slightly insecure about it). When manifesting with horns, he likes them used as handlebars. I don't believe he's communicated any of this to Andras out of sheer embarrassment.

[yellingmetatron]

imagine archangels play-fighting with their firey swords making lightsaber noises

[yellingmetatron]

RE: ARCHANGEL GABRIEL AND DEATH BY HOLINESS

Fun fact; you have to approach something holy in the correct way to not get hurt or die, as seen several times in the Bible. This applies to Gabriel in some instances.

Gabriel sits at the left hand of God, meaning he metes out justice and punishment. He is justice and punishment. Pair that with him being holy and it becomes something that human nature can't handle unless done the correct way or Gabriel says otherwise. Him saying "Do not be afraid" probably has something to do with people knowing that they could randomly die in his presence.

In his real angelic form, he is dangerous to touch. Him already looking like he is perpetually on fire should be a hint. Anyway. If someone touches him, they will catch on fire. A weird bright-burning fire. Let go of him and it will go away - or get turned to ashes real quick. Holy fire purifies the unclean and burns the sins away. Literally.

Gabriel in human form is less dangerous, since he has already chosen then to not cause any type of harm and to blend in. He can still activate the same stuff, though. He tends to grab people and burn them with his hand without leaving a mark if he needs to make a point. It burns even worse than fire.

Fun facts!

The first place we see this is when Adam and Eve are expelled from the Garden of Eden, which was the place where God dwelt with mankind. After they sin, they are removed from the garden and cherubim are placed at the entrance of the garden to guard it (Gen. 3:24). They’re not guarding it from Adam and Eve, though—he is actually guarding Adam and Eve so they don’t try to go back in and thereby destroy themselves. We do see the deadly consequences at times, though. A man was struck dead when he reached out and touched the Ark of the Covenant irreverently (2 Sam. 6:7). Aaron’s two sons died when they entered the Tabernacle drunk and offered the incense sacrifice in a way against God’s commands (Lev. 10:2). St. Paul warns against receiving holy communion flippantly, that it can lead to sickness or death (1 Cor. 11:30). And of course we can recall how the wickedness of the whole world led to the Great Flood (Gen. 6:5-7). All of these are examples of death and destruction by holiness. Peter suddenly realized he was in the presence of God’s holiness—he may not have understood that Christ is God Himself, but he knew that holiness was in front of him. So he asks Jesus to leave. And Jesus responds with “Do not be afraid.” Why would He say that? Because He knew Peter was afraid of death by holiness.

Source

[yellingmetatron]

Consider: One reason Metatron is so stressed all the time is that, as Celestial Scribe, he has essentially experienced the equivalent of social media overdose since the Fall of Man.

[yellingmetatron]

@dxnxtbxxfrxxd

"Apparently some mortals do in-fucking-fact think spontaneous combustion is worth angel cock. I... have seen some shit, brother."

[yellingmetatron]

"Angel dust is slang for phenylcyclohexyl piperidine, a dissociative anesthetic humans use to get fucked up. Has absolutely nothing to do with us. " He pauses.

"Outta pure intellectual curiosity, I do fuckin' wonder if you could extract some kind of mind-altering substance from certain angels. The challenge would be to cut it with something to keep it from being fatal, I think... guess it would depend on rank, archangels definitely wouldn't be suitable... hmmm..."

Oh no. He's thinking about things.

[yellingmetatron]

Metatron works in his Outer Archives, floating in tesseract form. Little Tz'funahim hover around him, some darting like dragonflies, others in tranquil orbit. The Outer Archives contain many esoteric artifacts and scriptures, objects impossible and inevitable. As he floats through the collection, tendrils of light emanate from his faces, brushing gently over them, sometimes making small changes, something simply gathering more information. As he moves, the air seems to waver, and faint sounds like shifting crystals follow him. And as he moves, he prays absentmindedly, gently:

I am no longer my own, but thine. Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt. Put me to doing, put me to suffering. Let me be employed by thee or laid aside for thee, exalted for thee or brought low for thee. Let me be full, let me be empty. Let me have all things, let me have nothing. I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal. And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, thou art mine, and I am thine. So be it. And the covenant which I have made on earth, let it be ratified in heaven. Amen.

He gives a rare, soft laugh at the last two lines.

[yellingmetatron]

🍎 ｡:*• ─ SEXY ABC.    ›    ( a list of questions, from A to Z, to help develop some headcanons about our muses. most questions are nsfɯ, so please make sure you’re not a minor and read at your own risk ! )

send a pairing + one or more letters for some headcanons regarding our muses’ sex life !

A ─ After care. Do they take care of each other after sex ? How ?

B ─ Breeding. Is this one of their kinks ? Do they often have unprotected sex ? Have they ever had any pregnancy scares ?

C ─ Condoms. Do they use them ?  Do they have a preference ( color, flavour, etc… ) ? Have they ever had an accident ?  Would they continue anyway, if they’ve forgotten/run out of them ?

D ─ Dreams. A wet dream my muse has had about yours, and whether they’d want to make it come true.

E ─ Experimenting. Are they willing to experiment new things ?  Is there something they’d like to try with their partner, but haven’t had the chance yet ?  Any experiments gone wrong ?

F ─ First time. How was their first time together ?  Was any of them nervous ?  Did it live up to their expectations ?

G ─ Games. Do they play any games involving sex  ( like adult board games, throwing dice to decide what’s their next position, engaging in roleplay, food play, etc… ) ?

H ─ Humour. Are they the kind to share a laugh during sex ?  Has something funny already happened to them ( breaking the bed, one of them falling off the couch, funny noises, etc… ) ?

I ─ Infidelity. Has any of them ever cheated on their partner ?  Whom have they cheated with ?  If not, is it something they could do ?  If yes, have they told them or has the other found out ?  Could they forgive and forget ? 

J ─ Jewellery. Do they own any sexy jewellery  ( like butt plugs with rhinestones, piercings in intimate areas, cock rings, collars, etc… ) ?  What do they think about it ? 

K ─ Kissing. How important are kisses in their relationship ?  Any favourite kind of kisses ?  Do they have any rituals involving kissing ( never leaving for work without kissing the other, always sharing a kiss goodnight, etc… ) ?

L ─ Lingerie. Do they enjoy wearing it and/or seeing their partner in lingerie ?  What kind of lingerie do they find the sexiest ? Any other clothing they love seeing their partner in  ( like grey sweater pants, wearing nothing but an apron, really short shorts, etc… ) ?  Do they often wear what the other likes, just to please them ?

M ─ Masturbation. Do they engage in it ?  Together or alone ?  Do they enjoy watching their partner masturbating ?  Do they use any toys, or just their hands ?

N ─ Nudes. Do they send them to each other ?  Do they save them on their phones ?  Do they keep them to themselves, or do they show them to their friends ?  Have they ever sent one to a wrong number ?  

O ─ O’clock. What time do they usually have sex  ( mornings, late at night, during lunch break, etc… ) ?  Are they usually in a rush, or do they take their time ? How about on weekends / holidays ?  

P ─ Public. Have they ever done it in public ?  Were they caught ?  Do they have a favourite public place to do it ?

Q ─ Questions. Is there anything they’d like to ask their partner, but never had the courage to ?  Any questions they’d rather avoid ?  Do they discuss everything as a couple, or are there any taboo themes ?

R ─ Recording. Have they ever filmed themselves having sex ?  Did they watch it together afterwards ?  Has anyone else seen their videos ? 

S ─ Spanking. Is this one of their kinks ?  If yes, who’s the spanker and who’s the spankee ?  Any favourite positions ?  Do they use just the hand or any other spanking implements  ( like the paddle, belt, whip, hairbrush, etc… ) ?

T ─ Turn ons & offs. What do they do to turn each other on ?  Is there something the other does that turns them off ?  Have they told them about it ?

U ─ Unusual. What’s the most unusual place they’ve had sex at/in ?  Was it a good experience ?  Would they repeat it ?  Is there an unusual place they’d like to try ?

V ─ Video call. Have they ever shared a sexy moment with each other during a video call ? What were the circumstances ( long distance, trying to cheer up/tease the other while at work, etc… ) ?  Did they enjoy it ?

W ─ Walk of shame. Has one of them  ( or both )  ever done a walk of shame  ( trying to leave the place the other shared with roommates/family members unnoticed but being caught ) ?  How was it ?  What were the reactions ?

X ─ X-rated. Do they watch any x-rated movies ( porn ) ?  Together or alone ?  Do they have a favourite type ?  Do they try to reenact them afterwards ?

Y ─ Yucky. Is there something they find particular disgusting or unpleasant in regards to sex ? Something they’d absolutely refuse to do, even if the other really wanted it ?  Have they already denied the other some kinks because of this ? 

Z ─ Zones. What are their most erogenous zones ?  Does their partner know all of them ?  Do they make sure to stimulate each other in said zones ?

☕️ ㅤ

[yellingmetatron]

🍎 ｡:*• ─ SEXY ABC.    ›    ( a list of questions, from A to Z, to help develop some headcanons about our muses. most questions are nsfɯ, so please make sure you’re not a minor and read at your own risk ! )

send a pairing + one or more letters for some headcanons regarding our muses’ sex life !

A ─ After care. Do they take care of each other after sex ? How ?

B ─ Breeding. Is this one of their kinks ? Do they often have unprotected sex ? Have they ever had any pregnancy scares ?

C ─ Condoms. Do they use them ?  Do they have a preference ( color, flavour, etc… ) ? Have they ever had an accident ?  Would they continue anyway, if they’ve forgotten/run out of them ?

D ─ Dreams. A wet dream my muse has had about yours, and whether they’d want to make it come true.

E ─ Experimenting. Are they willing to experiment new things ?  Is there something they’d like to try with their partner, but haven’t had the chance yet ?  Any experiments gone wrong ?

F ─ First time. How was their first time together ?  Was any of them nervous ?  Did it live up to their expectations ?

G ─ Games. Do they play any games involving sex  ( like adult board games, throwing dice to decide what’s their next position, engaging in roleplay, food play, etc… ) ?

H ─ Humour. Are they the kind to share a laugh during sex ?  Has something funny already happened to them ( breaking the bed, one of them falling off the couch, funny noises, etc… ) ?

I ─ Infidelity. Has any of them ever cheated on their partner ?  Whom have they cheated with ?  If not, is it something they could do ?  If yes, have they told them or has the other found out ?  Could they forgive and forget ? 

J ─ Jewellery. Do they own any sexy jewellery  ( like butt plugs with rhinestones, piercings in intimate areas, cock rings, collars, etc… ) ?  What do they think about it ? 

K ─ Kissing. How important are kisses in their relationship ?  Any favourite kind of kisses ?  Do they have any rituals involving kissing ( never leaving for work without kissing the other, always sharing a kiss goodnight, etc… ) ?

L ─ Lingerie. Do they enjoy wearing it and/or seeing their partner in lingerie ?  What kind of lingerie do they find the sexiest ? Any other clothing they love seeing their partner in  ( like grey sweater pants, wearing nothing but an apron, really short shorts, etc… ) ?  Do they often wear what the other likes, just to please them ?

M ─ Masturbation. Do they engage in it ?  Together or alone ?  Do they enjoy watching their partner masturbating ?  Do they use any toys, or just their hands ?

N ─ Nudes. Do they send them to each other ?  Do they save them on their phones ?  Do they keep them to themselves, or do they show them to their friends ?  Have they ever sent one to a wrong number ?  

O ─ O’clock. What time do they usually have sex  ( mornings, late at night, during lunch break, etc… ) ?  Are they usually in a rush, or do they take their time ? How about on weekends / holidays ?  

P ─ Public. Have they ever done it in public ?  Were they caught ?  Do they have a favourite public place to do it ?

Q ─ Questions. Is there anything they’d like to ask their partner, but never had the courage to ?  Any questions they’d rather avoid ?  Do they discuss everything as a couple, or are there any taboo themes ?

R ─ Recording. Have they ever filmed themselves having sex ?  Did they watch it together afterwards ?  Has anyone else seen their videos ? 

S ─ Spanking. Is this one of their kinks ?  If yes, who’s the spanker and who’s the spankee ?  Any favourite positions ?  Do they use just the hand or any other spanking implements  ( like the paddle, belt, whip, hairbrush, etc… ) ?

T ─ Turn ons & offs. What do they do to turn each other on ?  Is there something the other does that turns them off ?  Have they told them about it ?

U ─ Unusual. What’s the most unusual place they’ve had sex at/in ?  Was it a good experience ?  Would they repeat it ?  Is there an unusual place they’d like to try ?

V ─ Video call. Have they ever shared a sexy moment with each other during a video call ? What were the circumstances ( long distance, trying to cheer up/tease the other while at work, etc… ) ?  Did they enjoy it ?

W ─ Walk of shame. Has one of them  ( or both )  ever done a walk of shame  ( trying to leave the place the other shared with roommates/family members unnoticed but being caught ) ?  How was it ?  What were the reactions ?

X ─ X-rated. Do they watch any x-rated movies ( porn ) ?  Together or alone ?  Do they have a favourite type ?  Do they try to reenact them afterwards ?

Y ─ Yucky. Is there something they find particular disgusting or unpleasant in regards to sex ? Something they’d absolutely refuse to do, even if the other really wanted it ?  Have they already denied the other some kinks because of this ? 

Z ─ Zones. What are their most erogenous zones ?  Does their partner know all of them ?  Do they make sure to stimulate each other in said zones ?

☕️ ㅤ

[yellingmetatron]

Who's your favorite sibling?

"SANDALPHON. WE WERE CREATED AS TWINS, LIKE MIKE AND LUCE. I EMBODY THE SEPHIRAH KETER, SHE EMBODIES THE SEPHIRAH MALKUTH. THAT IS TO SAY, WE WORK AT OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE SPECTRUM OF REALITY. BUT IN SUCH A WAY THAT WE'RE THE TWO FUCKIN' CLOSEST EMANATIONS."

"SHE TOLERATES ME MORE THAN JUST ABOUT ANYONE."

[yellingmetatron]

Is Adam an exception too?

As a tesseract, Metatron turns a quarter counterclockwise, faces flashing a kind of yellow-green.

"AN EXCEPTION TO FUCKING WHAT?"

[yellingmetatron]

Why are you being nice to Lucifer? I thought you wanted Hell to be afraid of you.

"NEWSFLASH, CUNTSCRAPE: LUCIFER IS NOT SYNONYMOUS WITH HELL. HELL IS THE FUCKING REPOSITORY OF ALL EVIL. IT EXISTS INDEPENDENTLY OF LUCIFER. YES, I WANT ALL THE LEGIONS OF DEMONS THEREIN TO FEAR HEAVEN. LUCIFER IS ONE OF THE EXCEPTIONS.

"ALSO, YOU MAY RECALL MY ADMITTING TO BEING A BLATANT HYPOCRITE. I DON'T CARE IF HE'S DAMNED, HE'S MY BROTHER AND I DON'T FUCKING LIKE IT WHEN HE'S IN PAIN."

[yellingmetatron]

He is especially vulnerable to brothers who can't resist mussing his hair a little. So it goes.

"Luce, banishing yourself to the Void all the time is not the answer to all your problems. Self-isolation is fucking bad for you." Says the archangel who can go centuries without leaving his library. "I would be willing to use a toaster to make you a fuckin' snack, though. I'm just gonna assume you haven't eaten enough lately."

*Flops face down cause his depression is eating him alive*

Metatron crouches down to very gently turn his brother face-up. That's a start, anyway.

"Little dragon... I wish I were better at the whole consolation shit. But I'm... physically here."