yellingmetatron

[yellingmetatron]

Sees multiple versions of siblings meet.

Sighs in 'exists in himself across multiple realities'.

Gets back to work.

[yellingmetatron]

Filled with fraternal pride right now.

[yellingmetatron]

if god didn't want us to sexualize angels he shoulda made all ur boobs smaller

…MAY I OFFER THIS IN REBUTTAL:

[yellingmetatron]

"REMEMBER THE GOOD OLD DAYS, WHEN EVERYBODY JUST FUCKING ASSUMED TAKING THE DIVINE LIGHTLY MEANT INSTANT DEATH? TALKING ABOUT THIS KINDA SHIT RIGHT HERE:

"THIS WAS THE GOLD STANDARD. THIS WAS THE SIGN OF A WELL-ORDERED COSMOS."

[yellingmetatron]

a dyin, mostly eaten anon prays a last wish: "h-help me... suck the evil nips of satan... please...

"...EVERY FUCKING DAY YOU PEOPLE MAKE IT HARDER AND HARDER FOR ME TO EFFECTIVELY ARGUE HE'S WRONG."

[yellingmetatron]

"AND THE RESULTS ARE IN. IT HAS BEEN DEEMED, BY POPULAR OPINION, THAT OF THE VARIOUS INCARNATIONS OF MY BROTHER, GABRIEL ULTRAKILL, AKA G-D'S RIGHTEOUS KITTEN, IS REGARDED AS MOST LIKELY TO BE PERCEIVED AS A SLUT.

"PERSONAL THOUGHTS: I CONFESS THIS WAS THE RESULT I PREDICTED, MOSTLY BECAUSE FAKE GABRIEL IS THE WORST DRESSER OF THE THREE INCARNATIONS, AND THEREFORE IS TOO FRUMPY TO BE CONSIDERED A SLUT BY THE MAJORITY OF COMMON CRITERIA. ALSO NOBODY LIKES HIM. I'M NOT BIASED, IT'S SCIENCE. HOWEVER, AS 'SLUT' IS FREQUENTLY USED AS AN INSULT, IT MAKES SENSE HE'D COME IN SECOND, AS HE IS THE MOST DESERVING OF INSULTS OF THE THREE.

"THE FLAMING POMERANIAN VERSION OF MY BROTHER, ON THE OTHER HAND, IS A COMPARATIVELY WITHDRAWN ITERATION, AND THEREFORE LESS LIKELY TO BE LABELLED AS A SLUT. I SHOULD NOTE HE DOES MOST COMMONLY MANIFEST AS A FUCKIN' BUFF FLAMING GEM SKELETON THING, AND I SUSPECT IF HE WERE LABELLED AS-SUCH HIS SCORE WOULD HAVE BEEN HIGHER, AS, IN THE WORDS OF MY ASSISTANT POLEMICIST VRETIL, 'MONSTERFUCKERS EAT THAT SHIT UP LIKE PANCAKES' . AS IT STANDS, I WAS MOST FUCKIN' SURPRISED AND INTRIGUED THAT HE GARNERED A SINGLE VOTE.

"THANK YOU ALL FOR PARTICIPATING. THIS WILL HELP IN COMBATING THE FILTHY FUCKIN' DEGENERATES WHO REFUSE TO LET MY BROTHER LIVE HIS BEST LIFE IN CROPTOPS AND SHORT SKIRTS."

why does Gabriel dress like a slut

@heaven-saidx, @gemscales-and-tea, @dxnxtbxxfrxxd

"DOING IT LIKE THIS BECAUSE I AM, AT HEART, A FUCKIN' RESEARCHER AND I WANNA KNOW HOW PEOPLE PERCEIVE ALL OF YOU. YOU ARE OF COURSE WELCOME TO VOTE YOUR OWN PERCEPTIONS."

[yellingmetatron]

"Yes. Yes you should. And if anyone tries to slutshame you, remember that someone who does that to an angel would do it to anybody. So it's not really inherently avenging a personal insult if you smite them, it's preemptively sparing earthly beings from similar treatment."

"Thus sayeth the Voice of G-d."

" Dear God, 'tis hopeless... sin is truly inescapable... "

... He lifts up from his fainting couch. "--So I should wear my crop tops? "

@yellingmetatron

[yellingmetatron]

why does Gabriel dress like a slut

@heaven-saidx, @gemscales-and-tea, @dxnxtbxxfrxxd

"DOING IT LIKE THIS BECAUSE I AM, AT HEART, A FUCKIN' RESEARCHER AND I WANNA KNOW HOW PEOPLE PERCEIVE ALL OF YOU. YOU ARE OF COURSE WELCOME TO VOTE YOUR OWN PERCEPTIONS."

[yellingmetatron]

"Mm?" They're technically in the Outer Archives, but you wouldn't know it; here it looks more like a mountain lakeside in the Levant. "Oh, Athon." Said donkey has trotted up to Metatron and is nosing at him with clear familiarity. Said nosing is rewarded with a carrot, noisily crunched. "She's not really a pet, she just lives here and hangs out with me when she feels like it."

"You never told me you have a pet!"

@yellingmetatron

[yellingmetatron]

Not gonna lie, on a scale from 1 to 10 on the Mad Scientist spectrum, 1 being mostly benign and 10 being Shou Tucker (spoilers for FMA) and Bondrewd (spoilers for Maid in Abyss) Metatron usually hovers between 3 and 4... but it is possible to push him further.

[yellingmetatron]

@heaven-saidx

"Well, in theory gathering more data will allow us to understand and combat this view. My working hypotheses include:

Bitches be thirsty

Bitches be jelly

"There is also the composite "thirsty jelly bitch" hypothesis, but I think we'd need more rigorous testing to properly confirm that."

All this is said with clinical interest, lacking his usual roughness. The archangel is, to all appearances, perfectly sincere.

[yellingmetatron]

why does Gabriel dress like a slut

@heaven-saidx, @gemscales-and-tea, @dxnxtbxxfrxxd

"DOING IT LIKE THIS BECAUSE I AM, AT HEART, A FUCKIN' RESEARCHER AND I WANNA KNOW HOW PEOPLE PERCEIVE ALL OF YOU. YOU ARE OF COURSE WELCOME TO VOTE YOUR OWN PERCEPTIONS."

[yellingmetatron]

why does Gabriel dress like a slut

@heaven-saidx, @gemscales-and-tea, @dxnxtbxxfrxxd

"DOING IT LIKE THIS BECAUSE I AM, AT HEART, A FUCKIN' RESEARCHER AND I WANNA KNOW HOW PEOPLE PERCEIVE ALL OF YOU. YOU ARE OF COURSE WELCOME TO VOTE YOUR OWN PERCEPTIONS."

[yellingmetatron]

For Munday, anonymously ask the mun something you want to know about them, their portrayal, or what they will/won’t write.

Especially if it’s something you’re too shy or afraid to ask off-anon. 

(Admin note: If you reblog this from someone, try to send them something, even if it’s just a basic question. The mun will really appreciate it.)

[yellingmetatron]

I have decided: This donkey now lives with Metatron. They have very similar temperaments and it cheers him up when he is sad by attempting to eat his tie and other such general chicanery.

Just so you all know, the donkey that Moses rode fleeing Egypt for Ethiopia is traditionally held in certain rabbinic opinion to be the same one one that carried Abraham. This means the donkey would have been over 430 years old at the time. This same donkey is also the one that will carry the Messiah into Jerusalem. Implicitly, then, we have a roughly 4000 year old sacred donkey out there biding its time if one is of the opinion that the Messiah has not yet come. If you call Jesus the Messiah and also hold to rabbinic tradition, the donkey would have only been a bit under 2000 years old at the time, but Jesus might well ride the same donkey into Jerusalem a second time, so it could still be out there.

Words cannot describe how much I love this eternal sacred donkey as a concept. I say this with complete sincerity and delight in my heart. I want a movie made about this donkey.

[yellingmetatron]

Just so you all know, the donkey that Moses rode fleeing Egypt for Ethiopia is traditionally held in certain rabbinic opinion to be the same one one that carried Abraham. This means the donkey would have been over 430 years old at the time. This same donkey is also the one that will carry the Messiah into Jerusalem. Implicitly, then, we have a roughly 4000 year old sacred donkey out there biding its time if one is of the opinion that the Messiah has not yet come. If you call Jesus the Messiah and also hold to rabbinic tradition, the donkey would have only been a bit under 2000 years old at the time, but Jesus might well ride the same donkey into Jerusalem a second time, so it could still be out there.

Words cannot describe how much I love this eternal sacred donkey as a concept. I say this with complete sincerity and delight in my heart. I want a movie made about this donkey.

[yellingmetatron]

i mean they deserve a better brother. you're supposed to be their family. you don't act like it. all you do is scream at people and hide behind god.

"LISTEN TO ME CLOSE, KIDDO: I WAS NOT MADE TO BE ANYONE'S FAVORITE PERSON. NOT EVEN G-D'S. I WAS MADE TO EMBODY THE SEPHIRAH KETER, TO RECORD ALL THINGS IN CREATION, AND TO SPEAK IN PLACE OF THE FATHER WHEN NECESSARY. ALL MY WORST FUCKIN' MISTAKES WERE MADE WHEN I FORGOT WHAT I AM FOR.

"WHAT DO YOU FUCKIN' THINK BEING FAMILY MEANS FOR SOMETHING LIKE ME? LET ME TELL YOU A STORY:

"ONCE THERE WAS A FROG AND A SCORPION. THEY HAD KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR A LONG TIME. AS STRANGE AS IT MAY SEEM FOR TWO CREATURES LIKE THAT, THEY SLOWLY BECAME FRIENDS. THEY WERE BUILT COMPLETELY DIFFERENTLY, BUT THEY FASCINATED EACH OTHER.

"ON NIGHT, THERE WAS AN AWFUL FLOOD. THE SCORPION HAD MADE THE HUGE MISTAKE OF STAYING TOO LONG BY THE RIVERBANK BECAUSE IT LOVED THE FROG'S COMPANY-- IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN FAR AWAY, DRY UNDER A ROCK. THE FROG WAS SCARED FOR HIS FRIEND, WHO WAS NOT MADE FOR THE WATER THAT GAVE THE FROG LIFE. SO HE ASKED THE SCORPION TO JUMP ON HIS BACK, SO HE COULD SWIM THEM BOTH TO SAFETY.

"IF YOU TAKE ME ON YOUR BACK," SAID THE SCORPION, "I KNOW THAT I WILL STING YOU, FOR THAT IS MY NATURE."

"'I DON'T CARE,' SAID THE FROG, 'BECAUSE MY NATURE IS TO BE GOOD TO MY FRIEND. YOU MIGHT YET CONTROL YOURSELF, AND WE WILL BOTH LIVE. IF NOT, I BEAR YOU NO GRUDGE, AND AM CONTENT TO DIE TOGETHER.'

"RELUCTANTLY, THE SCORPION CLIMBED ON. THE FROG SWAM AND SWAM, AND THE SCORPION FELT ITS URGES GNAW AT THE BACK OF ITS MIND. THE FROG KNEW THE RISKS, AND IT HAD ALREADY FORGIVEN THE SCORPION. AND ITS FLESH WAS GREEN AND SOFT AND VULNERABLE.

"AT LAST THE SCORPION COULD RESIST NO LONGER. SO IT REARED UP... AND THREW ITSELF OFF THE FROG'S BACK. THE FROG CRIED OUT IN DISTRESS AND TRIED TO SAVE HIS FRIEND, BUT THE CURRENT WAS TOO STRONG.

"'WHY?!' CRIED THE FROG, 'WHY HAVE YOU DONE SUCH A THING?!'

"'BECAUSE,' THE SCORPION MANAGED TO GASP OUT, 'OUR NATURES ARE THE SAME AFTER ALL.' AND THEN IT WAS WASHED AWAY. THE FROG NEVER SAW IT AGAIN, AND NEVER DIED FROM A SCORPION'S STING.

"MY BROTHERS ARE GOOD TO ME. I TRY TO BE GOOD TO THEM. IN THE ONLY WAY MY NATURE ALLOWS."