#that reading it took over people's lives
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is it just me or is the marketing on this kinda... not great?
like, there is no info about the story except that it's a dystopia. goodreads or amazon ratings tell me nothing. yeah, I could click the link in hopes to find out more, but there isn't even an incentive for me to want to find out more.
this was posted on October 28th and has only 4 notes, so... yeah idk.
and while the review thing is valid, I feel it's kind of... out of place or random? the post hasn't made me want to even look up info, let alone even consider buying it, so reviews aren't even on the edges of my mind.
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edit: posting like this bc even though I'd like to give the author constructive feedback I don't know if they even want it and can't put my thoughts into words properly rn. don't want to come across as mean or passive-aggressive.
#cylas speaks#with 'time to orbit: unknown' i knew nothing except that it was about a 'Perfectly Normal Spaceship' (heavily implied that it's not) and#that reading it took over people's lives#and that was/is free#sails of black and blood had a cool cover and mention of lesbian vampire pirates#more other stuff as well but that is what hooked me#another book i actually got in a book store i almost put down but then i read that it had queer characters on the front (it was mentioned i#like one line. idk what exactly. queer urban fantasy or smth.)#this cover or title do nothing for me#well the title made me think of pink eye just now even though that doesn't affect the iris avsvsv#not saying that title and/or cover alone can't be enough but there should be at least some more info in case it isn't yknow#also. a dystopian story can mean anything. dystopia is such a vague term. so much can count as dystopian.#like I'm pretty sure The Road is dystopian but so is The Handmaid's Tale or The Hunger Games. right. and zombie apocalypse stuff.
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Lee know becoming Guy Who Eats Boring Chicken Breast for The Protein â˘ď¸ is my villain origin story
#joking obvs#but like... i miss foodie lee know i miss when he cooked#and i miss when he spoke about food enthusiastically#like i feel like the only time he mentions food now is to say he 'cheated' and is *insert mean thing about himself*#or to be like Im on a diet and its so -_-#like i always rhought it was cute how seungmin would pester the cuties dorm to eat with him like a family#but now im like oh he really was living with the 3 dudes who do the most worrying dieting behaviours like ...... :(#but also in a broader sense its frustrating bc how many young ppl are reading those messages and internalising negative messages too#or thinking oh if hes a fat pig then what am i? so its that thing where like#yeah i do have sympathy to a degree but i also think people with such a big platform should be more careful with what they say#đŹđŽâđ¨#negativity#bums me out i miss guy who went on that cooking shiw with the chef lady and was so cute and interested#and guy who took over when skz looked dangerous bc He Was The Food Man#yk... it was very lovely
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I have been having... a very bad day. Any spare fluffy headcanons for the boys? (and maybe some nsfw ones if you're up to it-)
ohh no my dear helena !!! its unfortunate that youâre having a rough day today :( remember that everything is temporary and that this day, like every other hard day before (and all following after), will pass in its own time.
i can absolutely spare some fluff ! thatâs all iâve got !
⢠javier goes to bed at about the same time that kieran is waking up every morning, right before dawn, and itâs a common occurrence that he will forget to untie his hair before laying down for bed, especially after a long night of guard duty. kieran will notice every time, and knows himself how easily long hair can get matted, so he will beckon javier over so that he can untie his bow. usually, heâll also take the time to run his fingers through javierâs hair to detangle it as well, so that heâs even less likely to wake up to knots. javier adores it, teetering with the weight of his head and leaning hard into kieranâs legs on each side of his shoulders- sometimes kieran will even indulge himself in giving javier a head massage. javier never sleeps better, and coincidentally, he began forgetting to take his hair down a lot more after moving out to clemenâs point âŚ.
⢠javier snuck kieran his first bowl of pearsonâs stew after âmaking a social callâ. john kicked kieran off his horse at the entrance of camp and javier watched as the latter dredged himself through the brush to what would become his usual resting place behind the rock by the horses. he looked miserable, dead on his feet, and javier knew by then heâd been weeks without a meal. he was a dirty, disloyal, unholy traitor of an oâdriscoll, but something about his sunken eyes, the shake in his hand as he lit his first cigarette as a free man again- likely to quell off the hunger- it urged javier to act in a way that heâd never felt before. javier could kill a man in cold blood easier than he could stand to watch fear starve a man even after his hands are free to reach for the bowl. the study for learned helplessness in psychology will come years later, but javier understands himself now through watching kieranâs instinctual desire to survive be beat out of him by the gang javier dedicates his life to. with a healthy amount of spite to himself, he scoops a heaping amount of fresh stew into the cleanest bowl he can find, and sets out to add a fresh layer of flesh to kieranâs prominent bones.
⢠following this, cooking for kieran is one of javierâs favourite things to do when they get together. javier will cook for him traditional mexican dishes from home (as best he can. both with his limited skills and also with his limited accessibility to the proper ingredients. (probably for the best that he canât get authentic chili peppers from home and has to use a less spicy chili native to this northern climate. kieran does okay with spice but it isnât in his genetics to truly have a high tolerance.)) and not only will it be an unknown love language from javier, to feed kieran and make sure he is full, but it will also be a love language from kieran, to let javi share a piece of home with him.
⢠^ also applies to modern au javieran ! javier loves cooking, and especially for kieran. they would cook together, but kieran struggles to cook with other people in the room, and javier gets so absorbed in it that heâd likely be running into kieran or otherwise being unhelpful in aiding in making sure the dish is being cooked correctly because heâs too Locked In to guide kieran LOL but theyâre more happy to simply keep each other company, anyway. kieran on the counter/table/floor, watching javier sing and dance to the music heâs blasting from their speaker. cue dancing in the kitchen when the love songs come on (hereâs a good one (rip javier escuella you would have loved dannylux)). the parallel play and quality time with these two is off the charts
⢠come mid/late clemens point, the way javieran make most of their money for the camp is by going on days-long fishing dates, laughing and laying close to one another in the grass under a tree on the riverbank in the shroud of darkness. they come back to camp flushed as all get out but with stacks of cash in their hands wadded up so thick no one dares to ask where it came from. kieran will get excited at even the smallest of fish, perking up and sharing/asking javier for tidbits on the species. they never miss a bite, either. one time one of the bells on their bobber rods rang once and they both broke out of a very hot and heavy make-out sesh so fast that javier tripped on kieran and nearly broke both of their wrists. they laughed so hard about it, javier was certain that by the time he arrived to his rod, the fish had already successfully ripped the bait off of his hook. he reeled in a boot, at the end of it all. he never lives it down.
⢠kieran is ambidextrous, and javier is fascinated by it. javier stumbled upon kieran writing on one rare occasion, and noticed immediately that he was writing with his left. âleft handed, huh ?â kieran cocks his head at him in thought. javier wonders why on earth he would have to stop and think about a question like that. âuhh, not really ?â well, now javier is simply confused. âright, then ? is something wrong with your dominant hand ?â âum ⌠no, thatâs not it either âŚâ and at this point, javier is demanding kieran explain what the hell heâs talking about, and why heâs pulling a prank on him. cue kieran explaining and javier making him do all kinds of silly âtestsâ like writing, shooting, playing guitar (as if kieran is going to any better with either when neither of them can do it right to begin with) because he finds it so cool.
⢠modern au kieran gets overstimulated incredibly easily, so heâs got a pair of noise canceling over-ear headphones that he often wears to dampen sensory input and ground himself when thereâs a lot going on. when itâs cleaning day, generally no matter what heâs doing, he HAS to wear his headphones. javier is left to dodge him the same way he has to dodge the cats when theyâre weaving in and out of between his feet. it also leaves him to dance to his own tunes when kieran suddenly swoops or sways or dips him to the music only he can hear- though just as often, javier will catch kieran dancing by himself and he will simply be unable not to join him, even though he canât hear what it is heâs dancing to. as overwhelming as they can be, cleaning days for javieran somehow always end up feeling more like a date than anything.
⢠on a similar note, kieran also wears his headphones to bed, and listens to asmr/white noise to sleep. the pressure helps him feel safe, and the silence of a room makes him anxious. he also has a terrible bedhead and rbf in the morning. both of these things javier finds incredibly charming, and if he ever does wake up when/before kieran does (incredibly rare), this is his pov (right before he tries to kiss kieranâs face off and gets shoved away with a sleepy giggle that only bolsters his aggression);
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nsfw under the cut !
and how could i resist a chance to finally talk about this ;3⏠?? iâll try to keep them fluffy !
(context, i hc both of them as tguys usually (though im content with writing javier as amab too), with both of them being absolute, unabashed switches. they have little preferences anywhere in terms of bottoming/topping, though kieran has a preference for subbing, and javier has no qualms with domming more frequently.)
⢠as much raunchy, animalistic sex that javieran have, they have double as much slow, loving, tender sex. and most times between, theyâre having raunchy, loving, animalistic sex.
⢠javi loves to turn kieranâs brain off, he loves more than anything to make kieran feel so overwhelmingly pleasured that he forgets everything that ever has, ever could, or ever will happen to him. nothing gets javier off quite like seeing the face of bliss kieran makes when all he can think about is javierâs mouth/hands/cock working overtime just to make him feel good.
⢠both of them i think are quite vocal when theyâre able to be, and kieran tends to be vocal whether heâs supposed to be or not. both of them often dissolve into whimpers and âi love youâs and praise like âyou feel/sound/taste so goodâ by the end. their love for each other has a carnal grasp on every aspect of their sex lives as well <3 so theyâre always speaking so sweetly to each other, even if the way they growl it seems violent
⢠javier LOVES love bites. he loves to mark kieran up and he especially loves to bite and lick and suck on his neck, not only because of the primal aspect of his jugular being so close (as well as the warmth of his pulse thrumming against his mouth), but also because it arouses kieran to the point of making him shiver nearly every time. javier has permission to bite him hard, but itâs pretty rare that he ever does, and itâs only late into their relationship does javier feel like it will be more pleasure for him than it would just be pain. sometimes he canât help it though, heâll get so worked up that he just latches on and the way that kieran tightens around him is mind-numbing.
⢠unironically i think kieran is a GREAT soft dom, and that is something that javier generally had never experienced prior to getting with kieran. javi thinks itâs hot to be man-handled and roughed up, and kieran can do his very best (despite the constant guilt and fear) if javier is really feeling it, but where he really excels is soft domming. once the nerves melt off, heâs so gentle with javier that it makes the latterâs skin hot all over. constantly praising him, cooing at him, asking him nicely, rewarding him for good behavior, all the while touching him oh-so-gently, it all makes javier feel so awkward but so, so good. kieran makes him feel so loved and worshipped that the world in which he has anything to question simply just fades away, and all he has to think about is doing what meager tasks kieran asks of him.
⢠they find so much peace in each otherâs bodies. in every rib and wrinkle and sunspot, these two will spend hours simply exploring and enjoying the body of the other in whatever the closest form of âprivacyâ they can manage to acquire. turns out, kieran has sunspots all over him. turns out, javier has a keloid scar on the back of his bicep. turns out, kieran has a mole on his scalp right where his part is (this is canon btw i saw it once when i was studying him in photo mode like a specimen in a petri dish), and javier has back dimples, and kieranâs ribs stutter and dance beautifully when he laughs, and the flex of javierâs thighs warps his skin like a marble statue. javier escuella and kieran duffy love like artists, and they spend hours just learning and looking and studying each other, like a painter with his muse, like a writer with his words, like the last things they want to see while theyâre dying are all the hours they spent learning the beauty of the other.
i could honestly come up with more but it would never leave my drafts, so i hope u like these that i came up with as quick as i could :â) ! i hope youâre feeling better and have gotten some good rest !! thank you for the ask !!!!!
#thank you for always coming to chat with me :â) especially on a hard day. i hope you know you are appreciated no matter how you feel and#that you do good things for peopleâs lives every day. even if you donât know it or notice or if they donât tell you. your existence inherent#ly makes the world a better place#and i can say that with confidence because you do it for me every time you come to say hello or share my love for javieran :â) i do hope#youâre feeling much better today ! i apologize for this post taking so long. i struggle a lot with coming up with things without prompt and#i also had a friend over so it took me a little while to come up with anything i thought was worth reading about !#i love them :â) thank you for giving me the chance to talk about them a bit ! i need to actually write them soon âŚâŚ.. they are so special to#me waugh#i usually have lots to say in the tags but i truly used the entirety of my last braincell for this so thatâs all iâve got for now </3#i love you ! be well ! make sure youâre eating and drinking lots of water !!!#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#kieran duffy#javier escuella#javieran#text#art#kinda i guess#hero draws sometimes#hero more like shakespeare#heroâs javier#heroâs kieran#heroâs javieran#ask#hero's yelling at folks again#galacta-phantasma#i think thatâs it. lord. now iâm going to run on the treadmill for 10 hours ! bye !
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i read the hunger games books multiple times over as a kid, and i didnt like katniss' ending at first, bc my hyperlexic ass could read the words long before i could REALLY Comprehend the concepts, but as soon as i got a firm understanding of aromanticism and trauma and and etcetc... i like it a lot now
#^bro had the most subtleeeee learning delay !!!!#it kind of disturbs me because like. i just. didnt have a teacher that really helped me UNDERSTAND stuff like themes? i was shy#and i was REALLY good at guessing on questions like theme and mood based on what the teacher said#but i didnt. GET them i usually got half points or missed those questions or wasnt detailed enough#same thing with character motivation#unless i was intimately familiar with the story#and even then stuff like hs and su and mp100... it took multiple times over and also participation in fan discussion to Get what was happen#idk what happened or why it clicked#it was like. slowly thru junior year and into senior i had 2 great teachers in a row#the texts we read were interesting and were about things i could identify as giving a shit about from a fairly surface level#i dont know what made it click..#which is what makes me think its hyperlexia#it was really like an epiphany? or a set of epiphanies#but i could read a LOT of words really fucking fast#i was reading on my own when i was 4#which apparently isnt normal#and they said i read at a 7th grade level when i was in 3rd grade#and by the time i was in 7th grade i was reading at a college level#which! at my school was pretty much just based on knowing vocab!!!!#and damn did i know vocab. i just couldnt.. see.. the bigger picture....... Um. *gulps in missed autism diagnosis*#just connected that thats a manifestation of focusing on the details..#but yeah its weird#i was always pretty sure i didnt have any major developmental delays#just trouble communicating and socializing etcetc sensory issues whatever#im p sure i hit all my milestones on time or early as a bebe#except that... also i was (am...) a wanderer. i got the cops called on me by my family cause i wandered to a neighbors house (there were#kids a little older than me there and i had an older neighbor friend from another house so i thought it was chill. plus they had video game#and i lived w old people so i didnt get any games until i was 7 (dsi))#im pretty sure they wouldnt have called the cops if it was a white family -_- they would refer to them as Them Patels -_-#but regardless i was pulling the irish goodbye before i shouldve LOL
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i love not knowing if i'll ever be healthy again i love all of the time i've used to move my body become nothing i love spending my adulthood wasting away year after year for various reasons baby!
#i know i'm being dramatic and privileged etc etc right now but i hate living like this#i probably had covid in the beginning of august and since then my heart and lungs have just been fucked#so now i'm probably looking at at least 2 years of long covid and maybe permanent neurological damage#could i be lucky and get better in few more months? maybe. do i believe that will happen? no. optimistically maybe next summer id be better#my symptoms are not that bad considering what i know other people have suffered but at the same time that makes it feel not real#otherwise i'm pretty much fine except i feel like fainting alot after standing up or excerting myself and anything beyond walking#spikes my hr to 160 and right now even laying down my hr is around 80. this comes with the associated shortness of breath etc#what fucks me up about this is that my normal hr is low with my rhr being under 50bpm and i'm physically active#so basically i've went from regular running and half marathons being no issue to not being able to jog 1km at the slowest pace possible#without spiking my hr to zone 4#so now with the recovery time of this being however long if properly ever i'll have to basically start all over again with everything#i biked to the grocery store yesterday and that took me out for the rest of the day because my heart rate just didn't go down afterwards#outwards i look fine and i wouldn't be as affected if sports and moving wasn't a part of my life and relationships but it is#i've read studies about recovery times and a lot of them don't feel applicable because the test groups are either very different from me#based on the baseline health info such as activity levels or they're elite atheletes which i am not#some have given me hope that keeping my hr under like 130 by doing activities like walking until maybe someday things get better works#but who knows and even if it does this will be yet another thing that takes the littlest bits of muscle tissue i have on me away once again#because besides deconditioning muscle loss is yet another symptom. so i will be even weaker than i am right now#i don't know how much of what i'm experiencing in terms of mental effects is from anxiety over my physical health and how much is brainfog#but we'll see i'll just have to start walking a lot every day and keep up with simple and slow strenght training so i'll want to die less#i don't think my family will ever properly understand because almost all of them are athletes and the one who isn't never does any excercis#so either i just look like i'm weak but i was always weak so it's not a big deal or my experience isn't really that important#this is so so so pathetic both my reaction and the issue but it's difficult to not feel this way especially with the uncertainty#shit talking
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Endless Sea Between Us
sapphic fantasy romance between a witch who lives in a sea cave after her family died and was cast out from her village, and an banished mermaid whoâs curious about humanity
they create a magical rune to swap species, both desiring the freedom each otherâs homes promise
but when they start to grow closer the mer-turned-human is kidnapped by a witch-hunting prince and taken to his castle, and the witch must chase them down to save her
f/f, demi MC
#The Endless Sea Between Us#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#sapphic books#this isâŚ.I mean itâs fine.#I like the way it remixed elements of the little mermaid. The characters are interesting.#I liked the way they just kinda immediately into swapping species and enjoyed their new forms no big deal.#I found the writing a bit boring/simple - and like. lacking atmosphere and worldbuilding.#Like when the two meet their dialogue immediately took me out of it - it was like two people meeting on the street#not two people from entirely different species. I feel like it skips over what could have been some interesting cultural differences#their first interaction is the human being grossed out by seeing a mermaid eating raw fish?#like sheâs specifically grossed out by the âeating raw fishâ part of it? what did you think theyâd eat? also you live in a fantasy seaside#thereâs no way you wouldnât be acquainted with the grossness of fish even if you donât eat it raw????#I kinda wish it had drawn out just the two of them rather than bringing the prince storyline into it.#He was such a silly villain who I couldnât really take seriously - and I didnât understand why she didnât just run away or attack him?#He didnât feel like an actual threat.#I read this bc one of the characters is demi-aroace and it was fine I guess if only very briefly referenced. I feel like they got together#though I did appreciate the âIâve never before#but I feel like I could love her one dayâ when they got together rather than her immediately flipping from nothing to In Love#There was a bit where a side character said to her something along the lines of: âoh you CAN love; i just wasn't the right person;#thereâs nothing wrong with you after allâ. which. I donât love that actually. kinda uhhhh arophobic
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barely into the nativity goes wrong (tngw? thatâs what iâm calling it now) and already some excellent lore, despite only two cornley characters being in it)
#for example. i now have a basis for where cornley is geographically#bc this is set in reading (the town in england. it took me a little bit of contemplation and research to realise this from the script)#and chris and robert are in it#and seem to be regulars (at least chris definitely is)#but since theyâre attending the cornley polytechnic (and living there)#it must not be far from cornley to reading for them to be regulars in c.h.r.i.s.t#so. after some research and a lot of confusion over english geography#iâm gonna guess cornley is somewhere in berkshire#obviously just a guess (or estimation) but yeah#my dedication to cornley lore is so strong that i willingly research geography. which i hate doing.#so yeah. but also im not english so like. idk if this is right.#if i confidently proclaim this an english person will come into my askbox and tell me that their accents donât match this location#or something like that#so english people feel free to contribute. iâm just trying to figure stuff out.
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Ngl one of my biggest pet peeves on here is when writers reblog their own work with some tag like "oh I thought this would do better and expected this to get more notes but oh well" etc, and then you look down past the tag to how many notes the fic has and there's like. 300+ notes. when it hasn't even been a live post for more than 24 hours. like damn I should make you man my blog for a while and see how you react when a fic posted there barely gets 30 notes in a week.
#id die of happiness if a fic i wrote got more than 300 notes is so little time.#in fact id do that if it got 300 notes in ONE WEEK. OKAY.#LET ALONE A FEW HOURS#im sorry but im just kinda pissed off at this spesifically. like the people can be fine but this one thing is such a turn off.#its a perfect way to get me to not read the fi . just out of spite. bc its so mean to say that and not think about us little writers#yk. the ones who only get a fic with over a thousand notes after years of them being live#like omg im sorry actually. were you expecting a thousand notes in the first four hours? oh sorry omg sorry#i apologise this was so mean of me to say. poor you. sweet thing. here let me get you those notes okay dont be sad.#no no ofc you dont have to support much smaller writers who follow you. no no you just get your notes okay bby#you get your notes for your smut that only took you two hours to write with no edits. you get those notes.#okay now im not sarcastic - please take this with a grain of salt. this grinds my gears so hard thats all#dont take it personally i just needed to rant#nemos thoughts
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At the California Institute of the Arts, it all started with a videoconference between the registrarâs office and a nonprofit.
One of the nonprofitâs representatives had enabled an AI note-taking tool from Read AI. At the end of the meeting, it emailed a summary to all attendees, said Allan Chen, the instituteâs chief technology officer. They could have a copy of the notes, if they wanted â they just needed to create their own account.
Next thing Chen knew, Read AIâs bot had popped up inabout a dozen of his meetings over a one-week span. It was in one-on-one check-ins. Project meetings. âEverything.â
The spread âwas very aggressive,â recalled Chen, who also serves as vice president for institute technology. And it âtook us by surprise.â
The scenariounderscores a growing challenge for colleges: Tech adoption and experimentation among students, faculty, and staff â especially as it pertains to AI â are outpacing institutionsâ governance of these technologies and may even violate their data-privacy and security policies.
That has been the case with note-taking tools from companies including Read AI, Otter.ai, and Fireflies.ai.They can integrate with platforms like Zoom, Google Meet, and Microsoft Teamsto provide live transcriptions, meeting summaries, audio and video recordings, and other services.
Higher-ed interest in these products isnât surprising.For those bogged down with virtual rendezvouses, a tool that can ingest long, winding conversations and spit outkey takeaways and action items is alluring. These services can also aid people with disabilities, including those who are deaf.
But the tools can quickly propagate unchecked across a university. They can auto-join any virtual meetings on a userâs calendar â even if that person is not in attendance. And thatâs a concern, administrators say, if it means third-party productsthat an institution hasnât reviewedmay be capturing and analyzing personal information, proprietary material, or confidential communications.
âWhat keeps me up at night is the ability for individual users to do things that are very powerful, but they donât realize what theyâre doing,â Chen said. âYou may not realize youâre opening a can of worms.â
The Chronicle documented both individual and universitywide instances of this trend. At Tidewater Community College, in Virginia, Heather Brown, an instructional designer, unwittingly gave Otter.aiâs tool access to her calendar, and it joined a Faculty Senate meeting she didnât end up attending. âOne of our [associate vice presidents] reached out to inform me,â she wrote in a message. âI was mortified!â
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Hey tumblr.
I want to share a post from The Guardian that was published today.
âInside the building, staffers said that Doge cultivated a culture of fear.
âItâs an extreme version of âwho do you trust, when and how?ââ said Kristina Drye, a speechwriter at the agency, who watched dozens of senior colleagues escorted out of the building by security. âIt felt like the Soviet stories that one day someone is beside you and the next day theyâre not.â
People started meeting for coffee blocks away because âthey didnât feel safe in the coffee shops here to even talk about whatâs going onâ, she added.
âI was in the elevator one morning and there was an older lady standing beside me and she had glasses on and I could see tears coming down under her glasses and before she got off her elevator she took her glasses off, wiped her eyes, and walked out,â she said. âBecause if they see you crying, they know where you stand.ââ
Everyone should read this article about âDOGEâ tearing apart USAID (and then read more reporting about how they are being allowed to do the same to other US federal entities). Elon Musk and his minions are violating our highest laws and destroying lives and livelihoods in the US and abroad. USAID is less than 1% of the federal budgetâ this isnât about cost-cutting or âinvestigating fraudâ. Itâs about cruelty and seeing how much unlawful devastation and psychological warfare they can get away with, with the intention to repeat this process at one federal agency after another. They already have access to IT systems at the Treasury, NOAA, and other agencies, and have taken over OPM (essentially HR for the federal government), using the latter to send demeaning and threatening e-mail blasts to civil servants.
Iâm urging everyone who reads this to recognize whatâs happening here and how abhorrent and frightening it is. I wager that even most people who wanted Trump back didnât want a centibillionaire technocrat making unilateral decisions on which parts of the federal government to âfeed into the wood chipperâ (as he has described his teamâs actions at USAID in a recent post on X, The Everything App).
Please call your elected representatives and urge them to act against Musk nowâ before his actions make our legislative branch totally irrelevant.
Iâve been seeing posts about Muskâs coup-in-progress going around on here, but I feel like a lot of people still arenât aware of the extent of it, and I really want to help get the word out. Iâm heartsick for all the civil servants at USAID and beyond. Some of them, their unions, and some Democratic congresspeople and others are speaking out, but these workers need us everyday Americans to speak out for them, too.
Thank you for reading. And anyone who isnât American, please keep us in your thoughts.
#us politics#elon musk#I canât sleep well and I canât draw#I feel like weâre in a nightmare#how did it get so dark so fast#the tone of this is a little stiffer than Iâd usually address a tumblr audience#but I did write this originally for FB#where thanks to the algo like⌠three people will see it probably
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It's been several days and I'm still bothered by the many 3 (out of 5) star ratings for a book I just finished reading because
1) I enjoyed it a lot, and admire it from a craft perspective. I feel naturally defensive of my own enjoyment when I see others calling this work annoying or boring or meaningless. It was the first book in months I've been able to read through to the end without getting distracted and letting my library loan lapse partway through, it was genuinely compelling to me, and it had plenty of meaning about mortality and humanity and choice -- and what it means when the choice of life and death is in your own hands. People saying they didn't see any of that... I know it's honest to their experience, and it's fair in its own right, but it still bothers me that so many people said it on the book tracking app I use.
2) Several of the reviews hate the lead character, specifically, and I'm bitter about the inaccuracies of WHY they hate her -- I almlst want to reply to one reviewer in particular, "If you're going to have problems with a major character, have problems that are actually there on the page and don't invent them out of thin air." Some also hated the romantic sub-plot and said it had "unnecessary bodice-ripping" when I, personally, found it way less romance-focused than other fantasy novels I've read in the past. Again, this is probably a personal perspective thing, but compared to the books that faded to black or had a graphic sex scene every other chapter I'd say 2.5 scenes that involved so much as kissing and only 1 short bedroom scene through the entire book is pretty tame. It's fine to be upset that there was romance and/or sex, but at least be accurate about how much there was and how it was handled.
3) While I know this one is specifically due to my being a writer and that the issue it brings up is more nuanced than just "be so kind to everyone that you lose all your critical reading skills and/or ability to resonate emotionally with books and other forms of fiction," and that the average person is in fact unaware of what it means to write a whole novel or series, any review that says a book was bad or just wasn't their thing without acknowledging the work that the author put into it has the potential to discourage that author and/or others from ever making or sharing their work again and that can decrease the number of books in the world. Which sucks. It's hard to avoid, but it sucks. Sometimes I think I just shouldn't read book reviews at all, before or after my own reading of a novel/novella/series.
#sonder speaks#sonder reads#reading#books#book reviews#sonder rants really#all of this just culminates in me knowing I can't change what people do#and I generally shouldn't#but the things people are doing in the reviews of this book are unpleasant to me#also#the book is Uprooted by Naomi Novak#it's about a girl who expects to live her whole life in her little town only to become an unwilling wizard's apprentice involved in a war#the war itself being less against other humans and more against corrupt magical entities who always seem to be at least one step ahead#none of the protagonists have the full picture but they do all they can with the pieces in their possession#and the lessons they learn in that fight are fascinating and meaningful to me#there are some issues of course#it's not a perfect book#there are things that will annoy some readers and make others uncomfortable#I get that#but it subverts classic Western fairytales while bringing in elements of the Polosh fairytales the author grew up with#and it doesn't shy away from letting its plot and characters be messy and honest and real#and it speaks so poetically yet simply about everything from the high moments to the low#I liked it a lot over the 12 days or so it took me to read all 680 or so ebook pages on my phone#I did want lesbians or bisexual polyamory based on how certain character relationships were written and didn't get that#but that's one of its imperfections#it's still interesting#I'm still thinking about the characterization of one of the antagonists and how it was a foil to the protagonist#and how the choices of the main antagonist and protagonist practically set the themes of the book into your lap at the very end#but it doesn't feel forced or rushed#it gave me a lot to think about and to consider for my own writing and I'm glad I read it -- bad reviews aside
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im so over it with high school and especially with math class !!!!!
#im really worried that im going to start college and im gonna hate it just as much#i qualify for a free tuition program and I plan to attend college in my city while living with my mother#which is totally the most affordable option! and yet the most boring!!!!#everyone says that the college i plan to attend is just like a larger version of the highschool i already go to. ew!!!!#when i was finished with junior high i thought maybe in highschool... maybe there wont be puddles of piss outside the bathroom all over the#hallway.... well i was totally mistaken#i dont want to get too hopeful about college for this reason lol. and also. what if its just like highschool?? thatd kill me.#well im only a junior in highschool right now so i still have to deal with this for 2 more years blegh!! totally blegh..#i cannot keep up with school right now its totally freaking me out ive been pulling multiple all nighters a week and im still not able to#finish all my work and im just freaked out but im trying to be calm about it at least in front of other people#like i stay up all night to finish my work and then im too tired at school to do anything.. like ive been scoring good enough on my tests#and quizzes so thats good but i just dont have the energy for anything like im totally behind in math class!!!! like multiple assignments!!#sometimes i take a nap after school but i think most days im up till around 4am regardless of if i took a nap and sometimes i just stay up#until i have to go to school and then i try really hard to do my classwork but actually im so tired and i have to drink multiple coffees so#i can still sort of function like a person who got more than an hour of sleep... you know#well thank you for coming to my rant#gordbye#actually i hope nobody reads this
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I gotta confess it is so much more fun talking to Sal as if he is a separate person like he wants and not a member of the system. He's super creative like. Its just fun.
#It was hard to understand because they were wrapping up a bunch of stuff kinda fast. and it seemed like they were introducing new#things too? The fight scenes were cool.#person with Delusional Disorder: so hear me out#playing a dangerous game#Were bonding over sailor moon#JK btw like dont worry. The delusions dont really work like that. You could say i guess that thats his personal delusion?#idk its kind alike a severity scale MOST if not all of us have the truman show delusion. to some degree in some form. the specifics very#and then certain alters have additional delusions.#there all pretty bizarre. like I think thats the category you could put pretty much all of them in#which is interesting#some of them are more whatever the one where you think people are after you is called#so technically we would be mixed type? but idk if we would even fall into the type-able like... because the way it interacts with our DID#at first i thought my therapist was totally bullshitting this but the longer im like. living alone away from family the more sense this#diagnosis makes?#esp cause last time i googled it there was like. no fucking info. jut the wiki page about how this disorder gets misdiagnosed in people who#are part of grand conspiracies and how when thats not the case theyre basically just doing it to them selves :/#but i guess theres more research now? or something because now theres like medical articles!! and they make way more sense and actually#align with what we experience so thats super cool#its still kinda like. Huh??? but i guess it runs in families and i can totally think of several family members who i think have this#I also had drug induced psychosis i think. so- interesting how my therapist was able to parse that. i should text him.#omg yeah so apparently Sal (or specifically one of his alters) has seen just the end and ive seen just the beginning!!#i know thats so silly and like. Too Perfect. kind of thing but its fun!!!!! He said it was confusing and he liked it but it took him a#couple watches to know what was going on.#he actually didnt know what season he had seen (other than it definitely wasnt the first one lol) so i read through the ep titles until#he reconized them. he stilll didnt reconize them really but like half way through the last season (I went out of order) he was like#âthis sounds sorta right. there was a lot of space fighting and stuffâ#he had to think about it for a minute because i guess he just hadnt consider that that was the end#he was relieved to hear that theres specials and stuff after#but maybe hes lying 0-0 thats always interesting !!!!#syst
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for whom good omens is being written
Hey maggots and the rest of the fandom, it's the Good Omens Mascot here. Today I read a post about this tweet:
The accompanying video genuinely made me cry. And I've been thinking about this for a long while, as far back as February, when I saw a lot of conflicting opinions on what people wanted from the third season. It really is true that no matter what you do, some people will be dissatisfied. But what matters is that Neil is writing this for Terry.
And I was reminded of some paragraphs from the Good Omens TV Companion, which I'd read in Amazon's sample excerpt of the book. I know this is a long post, but I really truly do think you all need to read these, I've done my best to select only the most important parts. Here you go:
'His Alzheimer's started progressing harder and faster than either of us had expected,' says Neil, referring to a period in which Terry recognized that despite everything he could no longer write. 'We had been friends for over thirty years, and during that time he had never asked me for anything. Then, out of the blue, I received an email from him with a special request. It read: âListen, I know how busy you are. I know you don't have time to do this, but I want you to write the script for Good Omens. You are the only human being on this planet who has the passion, love and understanding for the old girl that I do. You have to do this for me so that I can see it." And I thought, âOK, if you put it like that then I'll do it."
'I had adapted my own work in the past, writing scripts for Death: The High Cost of Living and Sandman, but not a lot else was seen. I'd also written two episodes of Doctor Who, and so I felt like I knew what I was doing. Usually, having written something once I'd rather start something new, but having a very sick co-author saying I had to do this?' Neil spreads his hands as if the answer is clear to see. 'I had to step up to the plate.' A pause, then: 'All this took place in autumn 2014, around the time that the BBC radio adaptation of Good Omens was happening,' he continues, referring to the production scripted and co-directed by Dirk Maggs and starring Peter Serafinowicz and Mark Heap. âTerry had talked me into writing the TV adaptation, and I thought OK, I have a few years. Only I didn't have a few years,' he says. 'Terry was unconscious by December and dead by March.'
He pauses again. 'His passing took all of us by surprise,' Neil remembers. 'About a week later, I started writing, and it was very sad. The moments Terry felt closest to me were the moments I would get stuck during the writing process. In the old days, when we wrote the novel, I would send him what I'd done or phone him up. And he would say, "Aahh, the problem, Grasshopper, is in the way you phrase the question," and I would reply, "Just tell me what to do!" which somehow always started a conversation. 'In writing the script, there were times I'd really want to talk to Terry, and also places where I'd figure something out and do something really clever, and I would want to share it with him. So, instead, I would text Terry's former personal assistant, Rob Wilkins, now his representative on Earth. It was the nearest thing I had.'
(...) As Neil himself recognizes, this is an adaptation built upon the confidence that comes from three decades of writing for page and screen. But for all the wisdom of experience, he found that above all one factor guided him throughout the process. 'Terry isn't here, which leaves me as the guardian of the soul of the story,' he explains. 'It's funny because sometimes I found myself defending Terry's bits harder or more passionately than I would defend my own bits. Take Agnes Nutter,' he says, referring to what has become a key scene in the adaptation in which the seventeenth-century author of the book of prophecies foretelling the coming of the Antichrist is burned at the stake. âIt was a huge, complicated and incredibly expensive shoot, with bonfires built and primed to explode as well as huge crowds in costume. It had to feel just like an English village in the 1640s, and of course everyone asked if there was a cheap way of doing it. 'One suggestion was that we could tell the story using old-fashioned woodcuts and have the narrator take us through what happened, but I just thought, âNoâ. Because I had brought aspects of the story like Crowley and the baby swap along to the mix, and Terry created Agnes Nutter. So, if I had cut out Agnes then I wouldn't be doing right by the person who gave me this job. Terry would've rolled over in his grave.'
And, finally, this paragraph:
"Once again, Neil cites the absence of his co-writer as his drive to ensure that Good Omens translated to the screen and remained true to the original vision. 'Terry's last request to me was to make this something he would be proud of. And so that has been my job.'"
I think that's so heartwrenchingly beautiful, and so I wanted you all to read this, too, just in case you (like me) don't have the Good Omens TV Companion. It adds another layer of depth and emotion to this already complex and amazing story that we all know and love.
Share this post, if you can, please, so that more people can read these excerpts :")
Tagging @neil-gaiman, @fuckyeahgoodomens and @orpiknight, even if you've definitely read these before :)
#good omens#neil gaiman#sir terry pratchett#good omens show#good omens fandom#good omens mascot#weirdly specific but ok#asmi
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You always try so hard to hide when something's bothering you. You're so careful not to let your phone unlocked and out in the open, you try not to let your eyes unfocus as you think about whatever's bothering you; you work so hard to keep being productive despite your sorrows.
But they know you better than yourself, doll.
They see how your shoulders tense up whenever you leave Price's office and how you're always so wary of your surroundings, looking this and that way, waiting behind walls to avoid certain people. You can't hide your fears from them. Not from them. Not from the ones who were placed in this godforsaken world to protect you no matter what.
Figuring things out is easy. There's a reason they're a special task force. Swooping your phone from you is as easy as stealing candy from a little kid, and so is unlocking your phone (you need to be more careful about your passwords, love. Really? Your childhood's dog birthday? That's like basic information for them).
And when you come back to the room, flustered, fretting over your phone, it's there: on Price's desk, as if it was untouched. They hide the anger caused by their discoveries behind clenched jaws and hardened eyes and wait until you leave to begin discussing their plan of action (it's cute how you still look at each one of them to make sure they didn't see a thing).
Love, why didn't you tell them? Why did they have to search through your messages to find the reason behind your sadness? Don't you trust them? They're your guard dogs, doll, why don't you just order them to maul and gnaw and rip to shreds whenever you need?
It took them breaking into your phone to find out about the Sergeant who's been messaging you. They could read the suspicion behind your words as you accused him of pranking you after he asked you out.
Pranking you? Pranking?
They read the following messages, where he admitted to his lies â it was a bet, he said. Some friends had bet a good amount of money that he wouldn't be courageous enough to ask you out and then stand you up. He then had the gall to thank you for believing his words and going to the date. For dressing up "weirdly" and being delusional enough to think someone like him would be interested in you.
"just an advice: putting lipstick on a pig doesn't work lmao thanks for guaranteeing me the money tho" he had said.
Seeing red wasn't enough to describe how they felt.
Soap could barely stay still. He leaned his weight on one foot and then the other, itching to run as fast as he could until he found the bastards that dared to insult his bonnie. He needed to feel their bones giving out as he punched them into a bloody pulp. He needed to scream, to let you know that you were too good for all of those scumbags, that he and his mates were the only ones who could appreciate you, touch you with the reverence and devotion that you deserved.
Gaz felt like he failed you. The sourness of his anger mingled with the bitterness of his sorrow. He swore he could taste his emotions on his tongue. He always makes sure to tell how beautiful he thinks you are, how lovely your uniqueness is to him â his little porcelain doll he wished he could place on a shelf. To think some random man managed to hurt you and disrespect you under his watch... it was unbelievable. He would spend a lifetime spoiling you until you forgot about it. After he sunk his teeth into those men throats and ripped them apart, of course.
Ghost was the other side of Soap's coin. But while the Scotsman wanted to seek and destroy as quickly as they do in action, Ghost wanted cruelty. He wanted to take it slow, deliberate. One fingernail for every tear they made you shed. One bone snapped in half for every second you suffered due to their disrespect. If it depended on him, they would only live up until the clouds that covered your sun cleared up. There would be no surrendering, no mercy. You deserve thorough revenge, lovie. And only the muzzle that Price puts on his rabid snout can hold Ghost back.
Price wondered why you didn't tell them about this... incident. Why? Are you trying to defend those poor excuses for men despite how terribly they disrespected you? No, that can't be it. You're their angel, but he knows you aren't some punching bag. Are you afraid they'd agree with those bastards? At that, Price has to laugh. You're so smart, love, but so so blind. You still can't see how they could sell their soul to you, if you became a devil. You still can't see how they'd kneel down on nails and pray to you if you became a saint. After Price pulls a few strings and manages to get that scum dishonorably discharged, he and his muppets would have to work really hard on making sure you know you're the only thing that matters.
#johnny soap mactavish x reader#call of duty x reader#john soap mctavish x reader#141 x reader#john price x reader#kyle gaz garrick x reader#poly 141 x reader#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#soap x reader
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â đ đđđđ đđđđđđđ đđđđđ â
â PROF. GETO'S CLASS IS SO HARD, BUT HE'S SO HOT!! â
⧠pairing: professor!geto x f!reader (part one of the prof geto series)
⧠summary: you were a 4.0, straight A student, until professor geto's class, the same far too hot ethics professor fawned over by faculty and students alike. you didn't understand what was so special about him...until you start having dreams about him.
⧠warnings: 18+, nsfw, a lot of smut (mostly fantasy), depictions of student/teacher relationship (only ok in fiction not irl!!!), reader is a grad student in my mind, but age is vague, masturbation (f + m), fingering (f! receiving), sex (p in v), getting off to his voice in recorded lectures, arousal from reading his writing, amateur's take on moral philsophy and ethics, art by @/jatinsohanvi, google scholar graphic by platonic loml @laneysmusings
⧠wc: 10,149 (i have a problem) | part two
âYouâre late,âÂ
Your first impression of Professor Suguru Getoâs class was that you could never be late again, unless you would like to be chided in front of all your peers for your tardiness.Â
Your first impression of Professor Suguru Geto himself was that he was truly the most breathtaking man youâd ever laid your eyes on. His inky black locks tied into a neat bun, his deep royal purple vest buttoned over a crisp white button up with pressed gray slacks, his pretty lips pressed in a small frown, as his dark gaze pierced through you. And you donât know what stirs in your chest â a fleeting moment that is tucked away under a bite of your bottom lip and burning cheeks.Â
And now you knew why when you had walked into class, the amount of unfamiliar faces in this course had far outnumbered the ones in your usual course load â the same reason why this man undoubtedly had three chili peppers next to his professor rating on some website out there.Â
And now you were faced with him staring you down as you stumbled down the stairs of the all too full lecture hall.Â
As you muttered apologies, and took your seat far too close to the front of the class, smack dab in the very front of the very same professor whose eyes still were concentrated on you, before sliding back to the class at large.Â
âNow, where were we?â he says, continuing the lecture.Â
Ethics was not your major â you were a philosophy grad student, and although the two went hand in hand â no, they were not the same thing. Ethics are the moral principles â like rules to follow to live a moral life â people can follow, while philosophy is the study of knowledge, reality, and existence. And this class encompassed both â an ethics and moral philosophy class. Your eyes slid around the room â and compared to all the random majors stuffed into this classroom, you had no doubt youâd do well. Your eyes met Professor Getoâs â maybe one slight doubt.Â
And when you get your first essay back, you eagerly flip to the last page of the paper, wondering what accolades and compliments youâd receive this time. Your eyes find the grade, and your stomach drops, a gaping maw that consumes you from the inside out.Â
You got a B.Â
A B+ â an 88 on your paper in this course, and you stared at the grade on the very last page of the paper you had collected from his desk â Professor Geto had insisted everyone submit their papers both physically and electronically â his scrawl in red pen littered each page of what you thought was a thoughtful and even clever paper on the existence free will and the ethical and moral dilemmas that surround it. And he had given it an 88.Â
You had a 4.0 point average â you had gotten the highest scores in some of the most difficult courses required by your major, and now you were going to be derailed by a class you took on a whim? Thatâs not happening. No, you were going to get him to change your grade. You were seeing as red as the ink that tore your paper to shreds.Â
âCome in,â your knuckles had rapped against Professor Getoâs door, your heart in your throat, as you heard his reply, entering his office. His office was as pretentious as he was. A much larger office than you had seen before (poor Professor Ijichi had a shoebox of an office), while Professor Getoâs was three times the size, outfitted with large, beautiful windows, distinct bookshelves, and even a lovely deep mahogany colored couch with decorative cushions. And you knew why that was the case â Professor Geto was an expert in his field, revered, even at his relatively young age. And the university had coveted him, and managed to lure him to work behind these ivy covered walls. While other professors who have been here longer are stuck with offices that donât begin to compare.Â
Academia was truly hell.Â
And yet, Professor Geto seemed to rule over it with an iron fist. Even now, you found your professor looking as annoyingly perfect as ever â his elbow resting against his desk, pen in his other hand, as he flipped through more papers on his desk, his hair in a messy bun, a few black strands falling across his furrowed brow, his pretty lips pursed in concentration, and his dark gaze flicks up from his work to you, and his lips curl, your name leaving his lips, âgood to see you, please sit,âÂ
You had planned to attend these office hours in victory, to apologize for your misstep in the first class, and let your professor praise your paper to no end â but instead you were going to see why your paper was graded so harshly.Â
Your speech was ready, you were going to lay it out, you had the perfect explanation and the excellent reasoning âProfessor GetoââÂ
âI know why youâre here,â he cuts you off, lips forming in an utterly condescending smile, âyou want to discuss your paper, correct?âÂ
âI am, I wanted toââÂ
He sits forward in his chair, setting down his pen, âIâm going to save us some time by explaining my comments on your paper, do you have it?â and you close your mouth, pulling the paper out of your folder and handing it to him, âYour paper was one of the best in the class â it was thought provoking, grounded in research, persuasive, even made me consider some points I hadnât beforeââÂ
You blink, his praise catching you off guard, your thoughts twisting in on themselves, âThen why did you give me B?âÂ
âYou didnât allow me to finish,â he sighs, as he flips through your paper, looking up to meet your gaze, âyour paper was excellent when it came to philosophical concepts, but your ethical conclusions on the other hand, could use some work,âÂ
You gaped at him, âWhat did I possiblyââÂ
âTo put it simply, you were trying to use your knowledge of philosophy to cover up your lack of knowledge in the field of ethics,âÂ
âI wasnâtââÂ
âAnd thatâs okay, because that means I have something to teach you donât I? Thatâs why youâre in this course, to learn,â he gives a tight lipped smile, tilting his head. Oh youâd like to learn a lot more from him â like the ethical dilemma of wanting to murder your professor, âand Iâm here to teach â and this paper is a teaching moment â and from your expression, I assume you didnât read the comments I left in detail,âÂ
And your cheeks burn, as your eyes fall away from him, âNot fully in detail,â you still swallow your shame, and meet his gaze, âI donât mean to be a bother, Professor, but how can my paper still receive a B â Iâve never received that low of a score on any single paperââÂ
âThereâs a first time for everything,â and you have to bite back your retort, âyeah first time having an annoying prick for a professor,â and he rises from his desk to hand you back your paper, âthe bottom line is, I know youâre capable of better, this class isnât going to be easy â Iâm not going to hand you accolades for no reason. You have to earn them â if you arenât up for the challenge, you can drop the class.âÂ
The option was there â you could simply drop the course, rid yourself of Professor Geto and his ridiculous criticism forever. You could take a class with one of the many professors who delighted in your papers (even the ones youâd written at 3 AM and submitted not proofread), and go on with your life and preserve your 4.0 GPA with ease.Â
But then you looked at him again. He was unfairly hot, even when he was fucking putting you down, he stood in front of you, offering your paper, his fingers long and thick brushing yours by mistake as you took back your paper, a watch on his wrist gleamed in the low light of his office. You glanced around his office, saw the awards on his walls, pictures of him giving lectures or receiving honors, and the books that lined his shelves werenât dissimilar to your own academic shelf at home. And your eyes fell back to his, as he stared at you curiously, lips pursed, as your paper slightly crumples in your fist.Â
âNext paper is due in two weeks?â and he pauses, before his lips curl in that same grin.Â
âYes it is,â and a smile graces your lips, lightning quick.
Like hell you were going to let him win. You were going to get him to praise your papers (and maybe that wouldnât be the only thing he praised) â if it was the last thing you do. Youâd get an A in his class, hell, youâd get him to beg you to be his teaching assistant (heâd look very nice on his knees for you, wouldnât he?).Â
You rise from your seat, and grab your bag, âIâll see you at your next office hours then, to discuss my paper topic,â and he watches you leave, his eyes piercing into your back as you do.Â
âSee you soon.âÂ
Oh, he would.Â
âRight on time,â Professor Geto barely looks up now when you knock on his door, his door now always ajar for office hours.Â
Now you had made a habit of showing up for his office hours, youâd bring your paper topic all picked out, along with your handpicked sources you had chosen for your paper, all typed up in a neat bibliography. And heâd kindly rip it apart with that same damn smile on his lips. It had been a few weeks, a few papers later â and you finally had worked your grade up to an A-, not quite an A+, but youâd get there. You had to.Â
Because it wasnât just about your GPA now â you were going to get Professor Geto to praise you â through any means necessary. The man was stubborn, even when youâd come back with an improved draft, heâd only hand it back to you with a smile barely tugging at the corner of his lips, with no compliment to be had â only small check marks scribbled in the margins in your papers, with the occasional âgoodâ written next to it.Â
âWell, we all know what happens when Iâm late,â he laughs, a noise that makes the ice dagger clutched behind your back ever so slightly melt, âI made you laugh, extra credit?âÂ
And he rolls his eyes, and you notice that his dark eyes are hidden behind glasses today â and god, why does it only make him even more gorgeous? Heâs already brilliant, itâs unfair for him to look as if he was sculpted by the gods as well, âIt takes a lot more than a chuckle to earn extra credit,â and you canât help but bite your lip.Â
No, no, heâs the worst. It didnât matter he was the epitome of every academicâs wet dream, you were above that. You had a goal.Â
âSo, can we discuss my next paper?â you hand him your bibliography, and he takes it, delicate fingers flipping through, your mind notes the absence of a ring on either hand, before brushing the thought aside.Â
âYouâre writing on the morality of good or bad actions,â he hums, as he looks over the sources you had chosen, âScanlon, good â have you readââÂ
ââWhat We Owe to Each Other?â Only about a million times â well more like six,â and he nods appreciatively, âof course youâve read it,âÂ
âI didnât just read it, I wrote a paper on it, similar to yours, actually,â and your eyes flick up to meet his, heâs leaning forward in his chair, red pen in hand, as he scribbles notes in the margins, as well as on the back of your bibliography, âof course I donât have your penchant for rambling,âÂ
You pout, âI donât ramble â I like to make my pointââÂ
âMany times, and the same one,â and your mouth opens, only to find a wry smirk on his lips, âIâm teasing, another one of my very tedious qualities, and how you stand it during class astonishes me,âÂ
You cross your arms, unable to meet his eyes, as you choose to stare at your bibliography instead, âYouâre not completely tedious, more like irritating,â and he huffs a chuckle.Â
You had to admit, begrudgingly, Professor Geto was aâŚgood teacher. And you had your fair share of awful teachers â many of them were brilliant, accomplished people in their fields, but didnât know how to translate and convey that in their lectures to students who simply knew less than them. But GetoâŚhe knew how to break down complex concepts and theories of moral philosophy and ethics to a science, he knows how to make students understand these complicated topics that you had seen other professors fail to, and he does it while being an intellectual dreamboat to most of his students â the ones that swarm his desk after class, still there even as you slowly make your way out of the lecture hall.Â
âA rare compliment from you,â he raises an eyebrow, âIâm touched,âÂ
âYouâre one to talk,â you furrow your brow, and a smile pulls at his lips.Â
âDidnât know you wanted my approval,â he tilts his head, leaning forward to lean on his elbow on the desk, âwell, you have improved remarkably in the class so far, and if you keep going like this, I may have no choice but to praise you,âÂ
âYou will,â
âSomeone is very sure of themselves,â a pause and then he adds with a quirk of his lips, âas you should be,â and heâs sliding your bibliography across the table again, and passes it back, âread the sources I recommended, and see about adding them to your paper â you may have some overlap in the other papers you chose so use your discretion on which ones you use,âÂ
âSo donât repeat myself?â You raise an eyebrow, and he leans back in his chair, crossing his legs.Â
âYou learn fast.âÂ
And you do â returning to your apartment to work on your paper, as you flip through his notes â as much as you hate to admit it, his notes and criticism did help â annoyingly so. He was far more detailed and perceptive than any other professor you had. Most had let you skate by without a second thought, and you wrote papers like you deleted your internet history after a scandalous romp through elicit websites â tools, clear history â and then onto the next paper or exam. But Professor Geto forced you to face your shortcomings, face the things that you didnât like to give a second glance to, lest your rejection sensitive self feel the agony of having to deal with criticism.Â
Each time you did it, you got a little better, and he had a little less to say â time and time again.Â
You leaned back on your bed, scrolling through the papers he recommended, but so what? So what if he was a good teacher? Doesnât mean he has to be as infuriating as he is â he knew exactly what to do to get under your skin, and he didnât prod at it, he scratched it.Â
And you found yourself typing his name (âsuguru getoâ) and T.M. Scanlonâs name into the search bar of your universityâs library collection, and his paper pops up right on top.Â
You stare at the paper for a good minute, before you click on it â and you start reading. And reading. And reading â and fuckâÂ
It was good. It was more than that â it gave you so much insight on this topic, it made you rediscover T.M. Scanlonâs work in a new light â and you bite your lip. And it wasnât just the research â the way it organized, the way it was presented, the way it was written â it was eloquent, but it wasnât unreadable or incomprehensible. It wasâŚreally good.Â
You imagined him, pouring over Scanlonâs work as he wrote notes in the margins of his copy, pages dogeared and passages highlighted, as he sat in his office typing away at this paper. His sleeves rolled up, his hair let out of his usual bun, his glasses perched on his nose as he read, only his desk lamp and computer illuminating his office. The keys of his computer clacking under his touch, lengthy fingers pitter pattering as he wrote his thoughts and analysis of Scanlonâs work â his brow furrowed in thought.Â
And you felt yourself flush, swallowing the lump in your throat, as you kicked off your blanket â it was so warm all of a sudden, pressing your thighs together. You shook the thoughts from your mind â what the hell were you doing? You glanced at the time, 2:39 AM it read back at you mockingly. You sigh, shutting your laptop down, and putting it aside â you need to do your skincare and brush your teeth. You glance back at your laptopâthe familiar of your flush clung to your skin like a forbidden kissâÂ
And you clearly needed sleep.Â
âCan you read this passage to me?â Professor Getoâs voice said, as he stood in front of you in the lecture hall â as you stood behind the podium that faced the entire class â hands in his pockets, in an olive henley, his hair tied in the usual neat bun, his black bangs falling in his eyes as always, glasses on, instead of the usual contacts. The class sat all around you â his exercise in getting the class to participate and get comfortable speaking in front of others, just as philosophers had done in the past (his very own âliterary salonâ he called it).Â
You swallow, keeping your eyes fixed on the book in front of you, ââWhen I ask myself what reason the fact that an action would be wrong provides me with not to do it, my answer is that such an action would be one that I could not justify to others on ground I could expect them to acceptâââÂ
âWhat do you think Scanlon meant by this?â he asks you, but his gaze was different this time, it held the amusement it always did when it came to you, but it was warm â no â it was burning. His lips were pursed, as he crossed his arms, the henleyâs fabric seemingly straining under the action.Â
âHe meant that an action that is wrong in his eyes when he couldnât expect others to accept the ground on which he could justify it,â and his lips curve into that damned smile, as he takes a few steps closer, rounding the podium, as he brushes past you, the brief touch of temptation incarnate â the dangling apple of Tantalus personified before you.Â
âAnd can you give me some examples of what kinds of actions would be wrong?â and heâs standing behind you now, and you canât bring yourself to look at him â but you can feel his gaze on you.Â
âSenseless murder,â and he hums in approval, his breath felt like it was warming your skin, âwanton violence, reckless assaultââÂ
âWhat other everyday wrongdoings could fall under this category?â and suddenly the class before you is gone, and itâs just the two of you in an empty lecture hall, âtheft, lying, student-teacher relationships?âÂ
And your breath catches in your throat, his cologne strangling any sense left in your mind, as his body heat nearly radiates off him, âProfessor GetoââÂ
âSuguru,â he corrects you, and heâs reaching for you, but he pauses, âcan Iââ and you only can nod, and his fingers brush your hair aside, ever so gently, âwould this be considered a moral wrongness, sweetheart?â his lips press a chaste kiss to your shoulder, and you shiver at the softness of his touch.Â
âWell, I am a student in your class, and even though Iâm of age, it presents a power dynamic and a favoritism that might beââ and your sentence cuts off as his arms wind their way around your waist, pressing himself to your back, âIââÂ
âGo on,â heâs murmuring his words against the nape of your neck now, as he pulls his glasses off to place them on the podium, âmight be what?âÂ
âMight be viewed as morally wrongââ and heâs chuckling, the vibration sending a delicious shiver down your spine, as he presses more butterfly kisses to your neck.Â
âHow can something be wrong when it feels so right?â he asks, and his hand is sliding down your side, âfeels so good, does it even matter what society views as right or wrong? Do their rules pertain to what weâre doing here?â and his fingers toy with the hem of your pants, teasing and pulling, as he pauses, waiting for your answer, âwhat do you thinkââÂ
âPlease,â you swallow, as you turn to look at him, seeing his lips in that same smile that haunted you, âtouch me,âÂ
And his smile only grows wider, âGood girl.âÂ
BUZZ. BUZZ. BUZZ.Â
Your eyes flutter open, your breath caught in your throat, as you stare at your ceiling, your hand reaching for your phone to silence the alarm. And you squeeze your thighs together, a distinct ache between your legs, your skin all too warm.Â
What the fuck was that?Â
You skip office hours the next week. You couldnât bear it â you could barely tolerate going to class now, as the dream invades your nights, with filthy variations that leave you perturbed and horny (mostly horny). The common theme only being that each time you get close to anything remotely thatâs anything (a kiss, a touch thatâs more than a caress, anything at all), you wake up.Â
Itâs as if your dreams are edging you â you groan into your pillow â and it was working.Â
Youâre so wound up, youâve even resorted to using your vibrator before bed, wondering if that would make a difference â it did, but only with you having a dream of Professor Geto using a vibrator on you during class â the vibrations growing even faster when you were speaking as he watched youâÂ
You needed to stop thinking about this. But how can you?Â
God, itâs even worse when youâre in class. You sit in your usual seat, front and center â and why does it feel like his eyes are on you far too often? Even as he lectures Professor Geto attempts to catch your eye during his lecture, trying to make a point, you all but glue your gaze down to the textbook and your laptop, typing away his words, trying to drown out the whispered words and groans from your dream that ring in your ears. You canât stop seeing him â unless you want to skip class, which you really couldnât when attendance and participation counted for a good chunk of your grade.Â
Class ended and you were packing up your things. You had to weather the storm â avoid being alone with him until the dreams were just a distant memoryâÂ
And then you heard him say your nameâÂ
Your eyes flick up to meet Professor Geto â who had his usual swarm of students waiting by his desk, but he parted the crowd, he approached your own seat, hands in your pockets, âDo you have a class after this?âÂ
âNo, I donâtââ the words slip out before your sleep deprived mind can put the pieces together.Â
âThen can you please stay after class? Iâd like to talk to you,â he says, and before you can say anything, he turns to speak to the students waiting for him.Â
And now you wait â your anxious energy singing at the frayed ends of your nerves, as you tried to hold yourself together â wondering what he could possibly want to speak to you about. His students dissipated one by one, until it was just you and him left in the lecture hall.Â
Just. Like. Your. Fucking. Dream.Â
You round the row you sat in, before walking down to speak to him, âIs there something wrong? The next paper isnât due until the end of next weekââÂ
âIt isnât about the paper,â and your heart squeezes, as you try to keep your breathing even, as he steps closer â and why, why did he have to opt to only wear a button up today â and a deep royal purple one no less, âI wanted to check in with you,â and he begins to undo the cuffs of his shirt, rolling them up â exposing his forearms and the pretty veins that ran along them â the same arms that he had used in one of your dreams to bend you over that desk, the whispers of heated kisses along your neckâ
You needed to get out of here.Â
You blink, âIâm fine,â and he tilts his head.Â
âI only ask because youâve looked tired the last two classes, and you didnât show up for office hours this week,â he crosses his arms, unhelpfully, as he purses his lips, the lines of his brow furrowed.Â
âIâm fine, Professor, I appreciate your concern â I just havenât been sleeping well,â you admit â it was the truth, âand thatâs why I didnât come to office hours. I was trying to catch up on sleep,âÂ
He nods, sighing, fingers raking through his hair â those same fingers that would feel so pretty around your neckâ âI know Iâm hard on you,â oh he would be, âbut itâs because I know youâre capable of more â most of these students are taking the class for an elective, but I know itâs more than that for you,â yes, itâs so you can finally earn his praise, âbut Iâm also here for your benefit, so if you need an extension or anything else, please let me know,âÂ
God, all you wanted was for him to maybe wrap you in his arms and kiss you, or bend you over, pull your clothes off and fuck you, or just to leave you alone all together.Â
You werenât sure which one you wanted the most at this moment.Â
âI will, Professor Geto, I appreciate it,â you murmur, biting your lip, as you try to focus on the task at hand â getting out of here, âI donât think I need an extension, Iâve made good progress so far. I just need to finish it, so I can revise,â
âWell, let me know if anything changes,â his lips curl, âok?â And you nod, and if you werenât so hyperaware, you swore you would have imagined it â but you didnât, âgood girl,âÂ
And you pause a moment â his lips did move, you pinch yourself discreetly â and you know it isnât a fucking dream. You only smile in return, giving a curt nod and goodbye, before beelining out of the classroom.Â
But you didnât stick around long enough to see the slight flush on Professor Getoâs cheeks â nor did you know that you two were thinking the same thing about yourselvesâÂ
What the fuck were you doing?Â
But to your relief, the dreams do subside, and youâre finally able to rest â but the thing that doesnât subside is your awareness of your professor.Â
You sit in class, watching him teach â and you knew he was attractive, hell, it was one of the things that made you all the more embarrassed to have him ream you out â having your super hot professor rail at you for your mistakes wasnât on your list of shining achievements (lest it was him actually railing youâ).Â
You needed to stop doing that.Â
But it felt as if you werenât the only one who was hyper aware. You felt as if his eyes skimmed over you during class this week, his replies to your weekly discussion board were less biting than usual, and his office hours were surprisingly canceled this week. First time all semester, but you werenât so full of yourself that you thought it had anything to do with you â right?Â
Either way, you had submitted your paper and now you were done with this weekâand as class finishes, you slowly pack up, looking forward to the week being over with and for a personal rendezvous with your bed. But as the usual gaggle of students make their way to chat with Professor Geto, your eyes flicker up to meet his, as he stares back a moment.Â
And you canât make yourself look away, and for a moment, neither can he.Â
But then a student calls for his attention, so his eyes flicker away, a smile on his lips as he spoke â and you turn to leave, grabbing your bag, as you look backâÂ
But why did his smile look so strained?Â
There must be something wrong with him.Â
Professor Suguru Geto drummed his fingers against his desk, but he felt more like shoving his things off his desk â if only to distract him for a moment. He pulls his glasses off, and runs a hand down his faceâgod, he hadnât been sleeping well. No, his nights were plagued, plagued by you â you had slipped into his dreams ever since that day he stopped you.Â
Why had he stopped you?Â
It wasnât the first time he had personally stopped a student who seemed to be struggling, he could count the times he had on both his hands.Â
But this, this felt different.Â
You were different.Â
But why were you different to him? He rubs his temples, from the moment you had stepped into his office he thought he had read you â an overachieving student used to getting their way, As handed out to them, and an inability to take criticism.Â
He knew, because he used to be one of them. But he knew you needed to be challenged to grow â but it was a matter if you would accept it. And from the moment you asked him when the next paper was due, he couldnât help but smile.Â
And his time spent in office hours with you grew more enjoyable each time you came. And when you hadnât last week, he couldnât sit still, checking the time, checking his email, and even checking if his office hours had been accidentally listed wrong in his weekly email to the class (they werenât). And the hour and half passed with many students hungry for his time and his charm â but not the one he was looking for.Â
Then those words had slipped from his tongue when he had stopped you, left his mouth like he was possessed, and now he had found himself here. Found himself thinking about how your lips parted when he said it, thinking about how you were feeling, thinking about you, you, youâÂ
Thereâs a knock at the door, âProfessor Geto?âÂ
And it was you.Â
âI apologize, I know you canceled office hours, but I just had a few questions I didnât get to ask you in class,â your fingers toy with the ring you wore, a folder in hand, a soft smile on your lips.Â
âOf course, come in,â and you did, your dress was painfully short, the fabric riding up as you sat, the folder in your lap, âis this about your paper?âÂ
âIt is, I was reading a few papers, and after our conversation, I couldnât help but find your paper,â and he tilts his head, âand I want to include it as a source in my paper, but I had a few points you made that I wanted clarified,âÂ
He raises an eyebrow, and he canât help but tease, âClarified or criticized? Are you planning on turning the tables on me?âÂ
âWell I do have a red pen,â you click your pen, lips curved in a smile, and thereâs a hint of heat that he wishes to unearth, pluck from the earth and possess himself, âbut I promise Iâll be civil,â
 âI have no doubt,â he had a million when it came to you â but that wasnât one of them. He runs his fingers through his hair, a few strands coming loose, âof course, letâs discuss it,âÂ
âYou discuss Scanlonâs idea of a social contract, everyone within this moral society agrees on whatâs right and whatâs wrong â the basic principle is that if there is a rule no one can reasonably reject as a basis, but is there such a rule that can exist?âÂ
He tilts his head, âScanlonâs theory relies on this premise â are you questioning me or the premise?âÂ
âBoth, actually,â you shrug, crossing your legs, âis there a magic switch that changes every person to be rational? Because I think only rational people can agree on what rules cannot be reasonably rejected â what about people who are cruel, inconsiderate, self-absorbed? Do those traits go away when operating under Scanlonâs social contract? You propose in your paper that moral reasons are not subjective â nothing is uncolored by human opinion,âÂ
âNo, butââÂ
âHow can we agree on what is truly right or wrong? How can one hundred people agree on that when everyone views these actions in different ways? Right and wrong? Black, white, or gray?â you rise from your chair to hand him his paper printed out, the paper more red than white with the amount of writing youâve done, âlike for example,â you lean forward, your hand braced against the edge of his desk, âcan one hundred people agree that student-teacher relationships are wrong? Because one veto,â your hand trails ever closer to his, toeing that dangerous line either of you had even yet to approach to cross. But here you were, seemingly barreling toward it.Â
And he didnât want to pull away.Â
He swallows, whispering your name, âThis canâtââ and you were so close â too close, your perfume hypnotized him, your fingers brush against his and he canât help but hold them, his thumb rubbing across your knuckles, âthey can agree that itâs wrong â the power imbalance from the authority of the professor and the age differenceââÂ
âI disagree, so the rule isnât legitimate, right? Even if one disagrees, the rule cannot be make valid,â and his breath catches as your fingers slide up his arm now, resting on his shoulder, as you lean over his chair now, as your other hand toys with the loose strands of his hair, âif the two of us canât even agree, then how could a hundred, or a thousand, or a million?âÂ
âButââÂ
âBut what?â you pout, your fingers dragging down his chest, toying with the top button of his button down, âI donât see you pulling away, do you want me to stop, Professor? Because I will,âÂ
And he swallows thickly, but he canât stop you â he doesnât want to, âBut, we shouldnât â it isnât a reasonable objectionââ he tries his hardest to stand firm, but he only crumbles when your fingers brush his cheek, tracing the cut of his jaw. And it feels like flames tickling at his skin, begging him to thrust his hand into the fire.Â
âLike I said, people are not reasonable,â your lips draw closer, and he can feel your breath warm his own, and god, why are you so tempting? And your lips stop short, barely an inch between your faces, âand besides, would you rather be reasonable or satisfied?âÂ
And thereâs only one answer â you.Â
He leans forward, lips nearly brushing yoursâÂ
RING. RING. RING.
He jerks awake from his desk, papers sliding as he does, his breath caught in his throat, and his eyes wander â and finds no one else there.Â
A dream. He runs his fingers through his hair again, crumpling the paper he had oh so lovingly drooled during his nap. He needed to get his shit together.Â
But his current predicament wasnât making that easy â his cock strained against the fabric of his pants â was he a grown adult or a horny teenager?Â
Fuck. It wasnât going away â no matter what he thought, his mind kept circling back to you.Â
And his eyes slide to the time: 1:40 AM.Â
Far past the time any soul would be here, even cleaning staff would have been long gone. It was just himâ
And you.Â
âSo good for me, baby,â heâs panting, palming his erection, an embarrassing amount of precum drips from his cock for a barely wet dream. He ignores the gnawing guilt in the back of his mind â but he canât help but imagine the image of you, spread out on his desk, hiking that oh so teasing sundress up, only to find your underwear drenched â just for him.Â
His fingers would slide up your plush thighs, squeezing to draw a gasp from your pretty lips, âProfessorââ youâd say, unable to form a sentence, all those brilliant falling away under his touch, until it was just him occupying every crevice of your mind.Â
âWhereâs that mouth now? So needy fâme,â heâd murmur, âbut such a good girl,â and you were, his thumb tracing his slit, smearing his pre-cum, as he imagined you spread on his desk, your puffy folds nearly showing through your far too translucent panties, âmy best studentâs so pliant for me now,â
And his hand moves faster, and he can imagine your fingers reaching for him too, your smaller fingers wouldnât be able to even touch as much as he can â but god it would feel so much better.Â
But heâd want you to feel even better than he did. Â
Heâd tug your underwear down, stuffing it in his pocket (his fee for all of additional office hours), and he would prep you right â fuck you open with his fingers, two or three, before he tasted you. Your fingers would dig into his scalp as you moaned his name again and again, before you came all over his face.Â
Heâd lick his lips clean of your release, before dragging his cock down your sweet cunt, watching his precum mix with your cum, as your walls flutter around nothing, craving to have him sink into you.Â
âProfessor, please,â youâd beg with pretty, kiss bitten lips between pants, âplease,âÂ
âWhereâs all those quips now, sweetheart?â heâd tease, as he would let his tip tease your clit, pulling a moan from your lips, âall those words fall away when you want this cock, donât they? Been thinking about you like this, wondering what youâd look like spread out under me,â and he would lean down to kiss you, âitâs even better than I expected,â
Heâs jerking himself off in earnest now, the lewd noises of his hand around his cock filling most of the silence, his low groans filling the rest. And heâd finally sink into you, inch by inch, until heâd kiss your cervix with his weeping tip.Â
And, god, he wishes his fingers fisted around his cock would be as good as your cunt would feel around him. He would fuck you slow at first, âI know those boys canât fuck you as good as I can, as well as I can,â heâd tell you, as he would pick up the pace when youâd tell him to, making you cum again and again with his cock, thumb rubbing at your clit, until he was finally close. Heâd either cum all over your stomach, marking you with his release, or if youâd let him, heâd cum inside you, filling you with his seedâand then heâd watch it drip out when he would pull out. He groans your name lowly, shuddering as he comes all over his hand, hard.Â
Fuck.Â
Thatâs the hardest heâd cum in a long time. Heâs a mess â panting and flushed, as he leans back, head against the back of his chair, too spent to even clean up. And then he finally does, cleaning himself up well, and collecting his things to leave the office.Â
But he only treated the symptoms, not the problem itself. His hard-on is gone, but his mind is still filled with thoughts of you. How heâd kiss you sweetly after, how heâd clean you up, care for you gently, make you rest because you never seem to do enough of that, and heâd let you relax â finally relax, as you slept the night in his arms.Â
As he heads to his car, he knows that heâs utterly fucked (without even being fucked) because he has feelings for you. And he didnât know if they were going to go away as easily as he hoped.Â
But he hoped they would. He owed it to you, your education, and your future career not to act on these feelings.Â
And he sighs as he sits in his car, starting it, but why did it hurt not to?Â
It was that time again.Â
Your next paper had come around again, and you needed to prepare a topic before you went to speak to Professor Geto. You had put it off, something you had never done with his class, but you wanted to limit the amount of time you spent with him, if only for the sake of your heart.Â
Watching him in lectures was bad enough, your thighs pressing together as you watched him speak, his impeccable looks and intelligence a deadly combination for your heart (and your body). You could barely focus, your eyes too fixed on the way he wrote on the board â his fingers too lithe and too thick, his voice all too alluring when discussing Kant and Aristotle and you canât help but think what heâd sound moaning your name.Â
God. Fuck. Â
Either way, you needed to listen to the lectures again since you werenât able to pay attention. Maybe without watching the video would be better, you settle on your bed, notebook and pen in hand, as you place your headphones on. His voice filled your ears, and youâre scrawling notes.Â
But your mind begins to wander. Heâs lecturing on the deontological ethics, and all you can think about is how he could make you cum with just that voice of his. Â
Shit, you shifted your thighs again, feeling that familiar ache again. What would he sound like when he moaned? How would it sound to have him touch you, run those long fingers down your thighs, and whisper filthy things in your ear?Â
As you listened to the lecture, his voice became white noise as your fingers slipped past the waistband of your shorts, and you shut your eyes.Â
âThatâs it, sweetheart, spread your legs for me,â heâd murmur in your ear, his chest pressed to your back and heâs urge your thighs wider, and his fingers would press against the wet patch on your panties, and heâd hum, âso wet fâme and I havenât touched you yet, Princess,â his lips would kiss your pulse, âyou like my voice that much?âÂ
âProfessor,â you gasp, as his fingers would tease you through your underwear, the fabric growing more soaked by the second, âpleaseââ and his thumb would ghost around your clit, teasing you, as his long fingers would piston in and out â they would reach so much fucking deeper âI need toââÂ
âAlready begging? I knew you learned fast, but not this fast,â and his fingers would tug the crotch of your panties aside, his fingertips tracing around your outer lips, before a finger pushes past your sweet cunt, âfuck, my favorite studentâs pussy is so fucking tight. These boys are not fucking you right,â and you whimper, his finger would be so much thicker than yours, as you glide another finger inside you, the two dragging against your walls, âlisten to your pretty cunt,â heâd grin against your skin, âand the wet squelch of your pussy, âso pliant for me, takes my fingers so well,â heâd murmur with a chuckle, âpractically swallowing me up,âÂ
And youâre bucking your hips against him, wanting, needing him deeper, because your fingers donât reach as far as his does, moans leaving your lips.Â
âIâm soââ youâre moving faster and faster, his lecture still filling your ears, your pre-cum soaking your shorts and onto the bed sheets, âI canâtââÂ
âCome on, Princess, use those big words of yours, you have no problem usually,â his hot words would whisper in your ear, and youâd hear him rub his erection against your ass, trying to get himself off, and youâd grind against him, wanting any friction, âtell me,âÂ
âLet me cum, please,â and he would smile, running his fingers through your hair, before he bore his thumb down on your clit and sunk a third finger into your needy cunt, just as you did now. And itâs too much for you, your toes curl, your messy walls fluttering around your fingers, as you cum all over your shorts and sheets with a groan of his name. Your fingers were soaked, as you pant, trying to gather yourself, as you came down from your high.Â
âFuck,â you murmur, tugging off your headphones, so your cunt doesnât have to twitch listening to his dulcet words again. And youâre pulling your fingers out, your cum dripped down your fingers, as you shifted, far too wet underneath you, as you tried to slip off your bed to take a shower and clean yourself up.Â
And then you realized, you didnât even hear any of the lecture.Â
Double fuck.Â
Why was this so difficult?Â
You stood near his office, trying to work up the urge to approach his door for office hours? Since itâs almost the end of the semester, there had been an influx of students attending office hours, and with everything, you had found excuses in your head to avoid office hours. But you couldnât avoid him anymore.Â
For your final paper in the class, you had to have a meeting with him during office hours to discuss your topic, complete with bibliography and outline. And it was almost time for your meeting.Â
But you didnât know how to go in.Â
The last few weeks in class have made things worse. You couldnât help but watch the other students fawn over Professor Geto, his lips curled as he spoke to them. And youâd leave class without a word. You had to stick through the semester and your feelings would disappear with time. You wouldnât have to see him, you wouldnât have class anymore, and you couldnât talk to him.Â
Or wouldnât.Â
But now you had to. And you didnât know howâ otherwise than just to do it.Â
You knock at his door, âCome in,â and you open the door to see an empty desk, blinking, âIâm over here,â
And your head snaps to your right, and Professor Geto is sitting on his couch, his legs crossed with a stack of papers in hand. His jacket is slung over the side of the couch, his deep maroon button up sleeves rolled up, glasses perched on the tip of his nose.Â
âI thought you lived at your desk,â you raise an eyebrow, âdecided to change it up for the end of the semester?âÂ
âEveryone needs a change of scenery,â he leans forward, placing the stack of papers on the table in front of him, âdo you want to sit here or move to the desk?âÂ
You shift in place, before moving to the couch beside him, âThis is fine,â he stares, âwhat?âÂ
âJust surprised, you always have something to say,â he leans on his elbow, âno smart remarks today?âÂ
âFresh out, can I offer you my proposal for the final paper instead?â You say dryly, and he cracks a smile, holding out your proposal. He clicks his red pen, readying his sword.Â
He takes it, his dark eyes darting back and forth as he reads, his brow furrowed in concentration â and you canât help but want to reach out and smooth his brow for him, tease him that heâll get wrinkles. But you canât. Canât because that would cross a line that neither of you should cross.Â
âYouâve come a long way,â he says, as he flips it back the front, writing only a few notes here and there.Â
âBut?â You wait for it.Â
His gaze flickers up, a tilt of his head, âThat was the end of my sentence,âÂ
You pause a moment, âReally?âÂ
âReally,â he scribbles a few more notes, âI look forward to reading the paper, it will be excellent Iâm sure, maybe youâll even get higher than a B+,âÂ
âOh, ha, ha,â sarcasm dripping from your tongue, but you canât help but smile, âyouâll miss me and my endless need for academic validation,â but was it really academic validation you were after now â your eyes gazed at him sitting with the tip of his pen pressed to his lips â or was it his?Â
And itâs his turn to pause, and his lips curl into a soft smile, âI will,âÂ
Your breath catches, âReally?âÂ
He chuckles, âReally,â he licks his lips, his eyes glancing downward at your proposal than at your face, âIâve enjoyed our chats this semester,âÂ
âHave you? Even when I argued with you,â a half nervous half serious laugh dies on your lips when his gaze meets yours, far too serious for your heart to take.Â
âEspecially then,â his fingers run through his hair a moment, before he speaks again, âI canât say you could say the same,âÂ
âAnd why couldnât you?â his eyes flicker with an emotion you canât grasp fast enough, before it slips away into the depths of his dark irises.Â
âBecause you stopped coming,â his voice is soft, his tone barely even, and this gives you a real pause, heat flushing your body, as if his words had set every nerve ending alight, your mouth growing dry along with it, and it gives him a reprieve he needs to brush it aside, âyou donât have to, of course, these office hours are not relevant to yourââÂ
âI didnât stop coming because I didnât enjoy it,â you cut him off, swallowing the lump in your throat, âI stopped coming because I did,âÂ
He stares, âWhat do youââÂ
âI donât want academic validation anymore, I donât care about my GPA,â you consider it a moment, âok I do,â and he snorts, âbut I care more about validation from you,âÂ
âFrom me?â he says, and his gaze tries to meet yours and it canât â but his fingers brush against your skin, making your breath catch, your eyes finding his, âand what kind of validation do you want?âÂ
And you canât find the words, and you hesitation makes him shake his head, âI apologize, I shouldnât haveââÂ
âWill you have a drink with me?â and heâs speechless for once, âafter the semester is over, of course â I know it wouldnât be ethical before,âÂ
And his eyes find yours again, âSome would say it would be unethical after too,âÂ
âI would say it depends,âÂ
âOn what basis?â and you canât help but smirk.Â
âAm I being graded, Professor?â and you delight in a small crack in his smiling veneer as a light flush dusts the tops of his ears, âand if Iâm good, will you call me a good girl again?âÂ
He swallows, âI donât want to cost you your education or yourââÂ
âI understand the risks, but we arenât contemplating shifting a trolley to hit one person or five, or murdering one healthy person to save five sick ones,â and he raises an eyebrow, âitâs a drink to celebrate the end of the semester,âÂ
âAnd if it's something more?â he nearly whispers, the softness of his voice reflected in his features, as his fingers that rested on the couch twitched beside yours.Â
âThen weâll cross that bridge then,â and then you add with a small smile, âOr hit the metaphorical person with the trolley,â and it pulls at the corners of his lips.Â
âYou make a fair point,â and you gasp in mock surprise.
âThe first time all semester you agree with me,â and he chuckles, a noise you wished you could hear him make innumerable times more.Â
âNot the first,â he replies, before leaning forward, pressing your outline back into your hands, his fingers brushing yours, âwe both agree youâre a good girl, donât we?âÂ
And your breath catches, his words warm your skin, turning your blood to lava, âProfessor,â and he smiles again.Â
âWhen we go for drinks, call me Suguru.âÂ
~~~~Â
The semester wears on and finally draws to an end, but finals induced hibernation begins for you. A mix of papers and exams, you finish everything â including your paper for Professor Getoâs class. As always, he has you submit a paper and electronic copy, the paper copy to be dropped off at his office mailbox. And you do just that, the mailboxes being only around the corner from his office, and your heart squeezes at the thought of him. After this, the class was over, it was done. You werenât his student anymore.Â
And you place the paper into the mailbox and sigh, chewing your lip as you pass by his office, but find the door closed (and locked, as you quickly turned the doorknob to test it). Where was he? This was the time he was usually in his office, but maybe he had left campus for the semester â had he forgotten about your drinks?Â
Fuck. You hadnât even discussed a time or place, you had left it vague â âafter finals.â Your cheeks burned at the memory, you were far too flustered to elaborate. And you had spent far too many nights imagining him calling you a âgood girlâ in many other situations.Â
And then you heard a call of your name, your gaze snapping up, your heart leaping, but only to see the department head.Â
âHi Professor, how are you?â and the two of you make polite chit-chat, until he asks you.Â
âHave you applied to be a T.A. for the department?â and you blink, âapplications just opened and I think from what Iâve heard about you around the department, I think you would be an excellent candidate.âÂ
âIâd love to be â how does the application process work?â and he explains that itâs a double blind process where applications are viewed without personal information of the candidates, and then matched with a professor based only on resume and writing samples.Â
You can barely listen to the department head, still far too distracted with thoughts of Professor Geto â so you agree to apply, if only to placate the department head, and make an excuse to leave.Â
It had been a week or so, as you lay in bed in your apartment, staring at your ceiling â you hadnât even bothered to get Professor Getoâs personal number. You couldnât even reach out to him if you tried, as the only way you could was through his university email, which was out of the question â the university had rules against a professor and student dating, and if anyone found that email â you sighed â it wouldnât be good.Â
Maybe it was for the best.Â
The only communication you had gotten from him was an email from Professor Getoâs mailing list to the class from a few days ago, stating that he was out of state in a conference, and he would return soon, but your grades would be emailed to you. But the paper copies would be available to pick up in his office from 3:00 PM to 6:00 PM on Tuesday. It was almost time to pick up your paper, and your nerves bit at you as you thought about the possibility of seeing him. Who knows if he would even be there to begin with.Â
Would it be anything? Would it be nothing? Was there not any point to this at all?Â
Oh, great, you were becoming existential.Â
You sat up, the only thing you could do was go. So you do, taking your time to get dressed. If you were going to see him, you might as well look your best.Â
Fuck. You couldnât go in. It had taken you longer to get back to campus than you thought, and now there were only a few minutes of his office hours left.
And youâre about to knock when the door opens, and you find yourself face to face with the man who has consumed every thought of yours for the last few months â good and bad alike.Â
âLate again?â and you canât help but smile.Â
âI prefer fashionably late,â and his eyes rake over your outfit, making your cheeks burn.Â
âYou certainly are,â and he steps aside to allow you into his office, and you glance between the couch and the desk, but he makes the choice and sits at his desk, âI have your paper right here,â and heâs rifling through his file of papers, âhow did your finals go?âÂ
âIf I have an A on this paper, perfectly,â and a smile tugs at his lips, and you raise an eyebrow, âwhat? Something funny?âÂ
âNot at all,â and he pulls your paper out, ha âI just recall you saying you wanted something more than, what was it? âMy academic validation?ââÂ
And your cheeks flush, âI did, but I also didnât hear from you,â and your fingers reach for the paper, and he holds onto it, âProfessor,âÂ
âI couldnât reach out to you because I was still your professor, but once you get this grade, Iâm not anymore,â and his gaze is sharper without his glasses today, his dark blue Henley doing nothing to help the flush on your cheeks â memories of your dreams flooding your mind, âand once you get this grade back, Iâm not anymore,âÂ
âAnd what does that mean?â you canât pull your eyes away from his, but his fingers let go of your graded paper, âhow about you look at the last page of your paper and see?âÂ
You pull the paper into your hands, flipping to the last page:Â
99 â I was impressed by this paper not only by the content but by its comprehension and use of both ethics and philosophy. But I was also impressed by the person who wrote the paper. Youâve shown determination and growth throughout the semester â and you have reminded me what we owe to each other. And I think we owe each other a drink, and a chance for this.Â
You feel his eyes watch you as you read, your eyes finally meeting his â his brow knit together, his lips pursed, concentrated gaze trying to decipher your reaction.Â
âWhy a 99?â And his eyebrows raise, as if to ask, âthatâs your question?âÂ
âYou had some spelling and grammar errors,âÂ
âReally? You couldnât let it slide?â And he tilts his head, before he sees your lips curling into a grin.Â
âSo you think itâs funny to mess with your professor?â And his voice drops, a playful tone that makes you nearly shiver, as he leans forward, resting his chin against his elbow.Â
âYouâre not my professor anymore, are you, Suguru?â he likes that by the way his teeth bite his bottom lip briefly, his eyes flitting to your lips for a moment and back to your eyes, âso I guess weâre using that trolley after all,âÂ
âIf you want to,â he says softly, âI wouldnât blame you if you change your mind, itâs a risk,âÂ
It was. It was a risk to your reputations, your careers, your futures â especially to yours. But, your eyes met his again.Â
âContractualism is about avoiding risk,â and he nods, as his gaze falls away, âbut some risk is necessary in life, and I think this is one thatâs worth taking,âÂ
âWe will have to be careful,â he murmurs, but already his fingers are twitching, far too eager to touch you, âwe canât make any mistakes. I donât want to hurt you,â he adds softly.Â
âI know, I donât want to hurt you either,â and you rise before slowly rounding his desk, âbut I want to know what itâs like,âÂ
And he canât stop himself â he gets to his feet, his fingers finding your cheeks and he kisses you. You can taste the black coffee on his lips, his kiss is gentle at first, so chaste and fleeting that youâd swear he didnât kiss you at all â and so itâs not a second before your lips find his again, in a deeper kiss that steals every ounce of breath from your lungs, and leaves only heat behind. This was dangerous. The very risk you were both trying to avoid, but as heâs pressing you into the edge of his desk, you canât find the logic you misplaced when those goddamn fingers youâve been dreaming about squeeze your hips.Â
âFuck,â heâs panting â god that word sounded more sinful on his lips than it should â as he presses sweet kisses to your neck, âwe shouldnât be doing this here,âÂ
âNot very ethical,â you chuckle breathlessly, as your fingers rake through his now disheveled bun, âbut I canât find the sense to care,â your noses brush, as you canât help but smile, âwhat would Scanlon or Kant say about this?âÂ
And his arms lift you onto his desk, several papers crumpling underneath, âWho the fuck cares?â heâs hissing, his lips find yours in a searing kiss, as his thighs press yours apart, as he settles himself between your legs, his knee grazing your core, drawing a delightful gasp from your lips, âI know what I want,â and his eyes soften, his fingers tracing the length of your cheek, âdo you?âÂ
Before you can answer, two pings catch your attention â your phone and his computer lighting up with a notification, and you both pause a moment, as your eyes glance at the banner notification on your phone, skimming over the words. The T.A. positions have been assigned.Â
âFuck,â you hear him mutter, and you gaze snaps up to his on his computer, the email now opened on his screen, âthis canât be rightââÂ
âWhat is itââ and the question dies on your lips as your eyes find where his rested âÂ
You â you were his T.A. for next semester â for the very class that you met in.Â
Fuck, indeed.Â
⧠read part 2 now
⧠a/n: lets all remember that student and teacher relationships are bad in real life. it's ok to live vicariously through reader but unfortunately no professor will be as hot as professor geto or gojo T_T. s/o to @/laneymusings and @bucky-of-the-opera for beta reading this for me and being just absolutely wonderful!!
⧠tag list: @sokkasmoon, @unoriginalideas, @waytootiredforthisss, @sinnerstardoll, @secret-pages-of-my-heart, @drthymby, @hanlay, @catsgomurp, @hatsunemitskislobotomy, @esuz, @difficultdomains, @poopyface222, @iwassentfromhell, @diogodxlot, @totallynotcc, @llovekami, @deadmarygolds, @teatreeoilll, @carcarcraziiv2, @forest-hashira, @aliyalala, @esuz, @that-goth-bisexual, @hehehehesthings, @imjustmememe, @j1jay, @iwassentfromhell,
#sab [mlist]#sab series [prof suguru]#suguru geto x reader#suguru geto smut#geto suguru x reader#geto suguru smut#geto suguru imagines#geto x reader#geto smut#geto x you#geto suguru fanfiction#jjk smut#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen fanfic#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen fanfiction#dividers by @/saradika
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