#that neither they nor my boss bothered to tell me about

[midshipmank]

just sent an email to a parent that was literally just me diplomatically telling them to fuck off

this semester, i’ve just started telling students & parents how long it will take me to do things

“when will you grade our tests” whenever i find 4 hours “when will you grade the homework” whenever i have 3 hours “when will you be done with the notebooks” well, since i’ve already graded half, whenever i find another 3 hours to do the other half, but i also have to make lesson materials for 7th grade’s monday lesson, which will also take 3 hours

[serenefreakgeekao3]

Can we get a Jim Halpert x short!gn!reader who is just enamored with how much Taller Jim is than them. Like sometimes when they’re trying to reach up for something he suddenly just lefts them up so they can grab it, or if someone is bothering them he uses his hight to be intimating, and they just swoon. <3

Summary: Being the shortest person at Dunder Mifflin comes with a lot of problems- one namely being your boss, Michael Scott, who thinks he must be the newest and brightest comedian of their century. Spoiler alert: He’s really not. Warnings: short jokes (beware),  A/N: So i’ve been called short maybe once or twice, but to be completely honest I’m literally at the ‘average’ mark on the scale so i’m just here, existing in neither shortness nor tallness. However, i’ve always heard the ‘short jokes’ are unending so I figured I’d base it on that? Sorry i know they’re annoying, but hopefully Jim’s sweetness makes up for it

“Aha! There they are!” Michael calls out just as you enter, and you feel a deep sense of regret begin billowing into your stomach. “Winner of the shortest person award!” Michael’s laughter was boisterous, making you want to cringe away from him and just make it to your desk. Just make it there, at the very least. You did literally just walk into work, you haven’t even set your briefcase down yet. Michael thankfully jumps away from you, approaching accounting. “I’m surprised you’re not starting a real cat fight Angela, with how Y/N over there stole your special office title!”

“My official title is ‘Accountant,’ Michael,” Angela reminds him in a wary voice, huffing her displeasure at being spoken to. Michael just laughs and begins shrugging his shoulder against Angela’s own as if they shared a common joke. Angela just looks on in disgust as Michael continues on.

“Catfight, get it? ‘Cause you’re the cat lady!” Angela only scoffs and Michael continues his boisterous laugh, turning and making his way back to his office.

“Michael, don’t forget,” Pam calls out behind you as you place your bag onto your desk, the solo desk in the Quality Assurance position at Dunder Mifflin. You turn to watch this interaction, Pam looking frustrated as she shakes a wad of papers at the man. “You have that appointment with corporate in-”

“Don’t tell me what I do and don’t have Pam, god!” Michael pushes the wad of papers away and storms into his office, and you still can’t for the life of you figure out how Michael can switch between emotions so quickly. Your eyes scan the room- mostly the sales department- and wonder about where half of the team had wandered off to. Stanley remained sitting at his desk, but it seemed as if the rest of them had disappeared. You hear a quick ‘Psst!’ and turn to lock eyes with Pam, making your way over at a wave from her.

“Michael came out here before you got here, said something about a massive sale that he needed all of his sales associates to go on.” Pam stage-whispered over to you, and you nod along slowly.

“Ah, that makes sense-”

“So, yeah, that’s where Jim is.”

“Pam-” You start, looking around nervously before skirting around her desk to see her more eye-to-eye without having to stand on your toes. “Shush up! I told you that in confidence!” You watch Pam giggle, placing a hand to her mouth as she does.

“Oh I know,” Pam nods with wide eyes, leaning against her desk faux-casually as she watches you. “Just like Jim told me in confidence that-”

“What’s a couple of short stacks doing back behind this huge desk?” Jim’s voice emanates suddenly from behind you and you jump, turning with wide eyes toward him. He seems to be locking eyes with Pam, who giggles once more with her hand covering her mouth. You couldn’t quite translate Jim’s look to her, but it held some sort of meaning you were sure.

“Oh! Hey Jim! I thought you had that sales thing?” Jim raises an eyebrow toward you, crossing his arms with a smirk.

“I did but then I coughed at Dwight and got out of it. Figured they had enough people as is- but the real question here is: How did you know about the sales call? You weren’t in here when Michael announced it.”

“Watching for me, Jim?” You tease, circling the desk and making your way back to your own. Jim quickly skirted around the desk, following behind you.

“Well, yeah, obviously. You’re so tiny I have to know where you are so I don’t trip over you.” You groan at yet another short joke, rolling your eyes and turning to look at him with an unimpressed look. “But you didn’t answer my question.”

“Pam told me where you- where all the sales associates went.”

“Asking after me, Y/L/N?” You scoff loudly, turning to lean yourself against your desk, crossing your arms up at Jim.

“Pam volunteered the information, thank you very much.” You look up into Jim’s eyes and can’t help but feel shrouded by his form. He takes another step closer, pushing you over slightly to lean against your desk himself, and hunching toward you whether he realized it or not. He acted as a sort of shield from the rest of the office, which some days you definitely felt like you needed.

“And why would Pam do something like that?” Jim’s voice was quieter like he was accounting for the new distance- or lack thereof. You stare into his hazel eyes, swallowing roughly. You couldn’t help but feel safe in the shield of comfort that he provided.

“Perhaps because half of the room’s occupants were not seated at their usual desks, which is a rather odd occurrence for a day at work.” You turn, grabbing a random handful of papers and tapping them on your desk. “Speaking of, isn’t that something you should be doing?” Jim laughs, pushing himself to stand from your desk before turning and saluting at you, walking backwards back to his own desk.

“Touche, Y/N!”

“Watch where you’re going!” You didn’t mean to sound too worried as you called it out, but Jim just chuckled, shrugging toward you.

“Why? I’m already keeping my eye on one safety hazard.”

“Yes, because I’m so short, ha ha.”

Coffee.

That’s what you needed today was coffee. Perhaps multiple cups to get through this shitshow of a day. After Michael’s brilliant start to the day with the short jokes, it seemed he had retired to his room solely to come up with more jokes to torture you with. You weren’t sure why it was your turn to take all of Michael’s attention, but you were ready to throw in the towel and leave early for the day already. You could just start over tomorrow morning, no harm no foul! Except then Michael would cry because he didn’t think you liked his jokes- which you don’t- and then you’d have to deal with consoling him for a solid hour before he eventually yelled that he didn’t need pity, and you would respond that it’s not pity- which it was- and spend another hour consoling him of that as well. You would know- it’s happened before.

And now you didn’t even have Jim around to curb the jokes or turn them into something that was actually funny. After your play-fight with Jim, he was then swiped away by Stanley- who apparently was the last one of the sales associates left only because he had his own sales call to go on. He had begged Jim to tag along, and of course the man agreed considering how nice he is. What wasn’t nice was leaving you alone with Michael when- well, just ever really. So if you look at it that way, it really all was Jim’s fault. Stupid Jim.

You shook your head, waking yourself from your daydream as you stared at the coffee pot, urging it to brew faster. It was already filled with half a pot, and you knew technically you should wait for the full pot to brew before pouring any but you really needed caffeine in your life immediately. You wandered over to the drainer by the sink to grab a cup, then hesitated as you realized there were no cups laying there. There were no dishes at all, actually, indicating someone actually came in here and took the time to put the dishes away. That’d normally be a good and nice thing, aside from the fact that you were too short to reach the cabinets above the counter where the mugs were all stored. Sighing, you turn to look for the step stool you usually keep around. (Technically it was the office’s step stool, but you were the only one that ever had to use it.)

It wasn’t where you left it, over to the side of the counter and next to the table. Looking around the room, you couldn’t spot it still. You checked the bathroom, thinking maybe it was in there- there had been a time or two it was moved in there either for use or for storage- but you couldn’t find it there either. You didn’t bother to check the other bathroom, just huffing to yourself and placing your hands on your hips. Glaring upward at the cabinets above the sink, you will the doors to open and a cup to float down by itself. Then when that didn’t work, you got to work trying to stand on your toes and reach up. The handle to the door was just out of your reach, but you should be able to swipe it open, maybe-

You startled at a large hand intercepting your own, swiping you out of the way and opening the door. You set yourself off of your tip-toes, flat-footed now only to turn and notice Jim pressing you in close to the kitchen counter as he reaches above you. He pulls down a mug- your favourite mug, no less- and places it on the counter beside you. You were able to turn around in place, but Jim only places his hands on the counter to either side of you, blocking you in.

“You should ask for help next time,” Jim whispers down to you, and looking up into his hazel eyes has your heart doing funny things. Maybe it’s the crush you have, maybe you’ve just developed some sort of heart-stuttering problem that you’d need to get checked out, but with Jim’s proximity, you couldn’t really think straight to debate either at the moment. You bit your lip, glancing at your cup and back up to him before finally finding your voice.

“I had that perfectly fine-”

“You couldn’t even reach the door, Y/L/N.”

“Well, I’ll have you know I was trying to get two cups, so,” You were just about to turn when Jim lifted his gaze finally. You felt like you could finally breathe- for the one whole second it took for Jim to lean forward into your space to reach above your head. He pulled down another mug to set on the counter, and you pull in a deep breath full of his scent that only serves to make you dizzier. You lift your gaze to him again, shaking your head. “No, I just meant-”

“What, three cups?”

“Maybe,” You mumble out, turning to face the kitchen counter again. You reach up to try your own hand- you would not be two-upped by him- and it’s an even worse predicament than before. At least with the door handle you had even a chance, and right now you couldn’t even reach to touch the bottom of the cupboard. Attempting to stretch yourself further, already on your tip-toes, you were just about to give up when you felt two large hands grab right under your armpits. They heave you up, and suddenly you’re at a height that you’d never really seen this room at before. Quickly reaching forward, you take two more mugs into your hands before the hands slowly set you back down on your feet.

‘Holy hells, how strong is he?’ You think to yourself, turning to lift your gaze back up to Jim. He was smiling, likely on the verge of laughter, though he had yet to. You could feel your face heating up and knew that blush was lighting up your face. What were you supposed to do now? Jim just picked you up, how do you move on from that?

“Four cups?” Jim questions you as he reaches forward to one of the new ones you had grabbed, taking it from your hand to turn it over in his own. He probably chose to grab that one as it was the one you had seen him use the most often, you figured it might be his favourite. You hoped so at least, considering he was able to grab your favourite after just one try.

“Three,” You admit quietly, turning to watch the last of the coffee brew into the pot, “I grabbed an extra in case you wanted some.” Jim’s head shot up to look at you, and you tilted your head in confusion at the reaction. His eyes were wide, and if you didn’t know any better you would’ve said a slight blush was lighting up his own cheeks now. But why would offering him a cup of coffee make him embarrassed? “That’s only if you want some, of course.”

“I do!” He insisted, placing the cup down and spinning it slowly with one hand, staring at you the entire time. You got a little squirmy, reaching out to heft the large coffee pot and begin pouring it into your three cups. “Did you-” You glance briefly up at Jim- who was biting his lip by the gods is he trying to kill you?- before looking quickly back at your task so as to not spill any coffee. “Did you know this was my favourite cup?”

“Yeah,” You replied easily, watching his fingers stop spinning the cup right as you answer. “That’s why I grabbed that one.” You motion the pot over to his cup, watching him jump slightly before sliding his cup over toward you. You pour the coffee before replacing the pot back where it goes. You begin the process of adding sugar and creamer to the cups, sighing softly.

“So, why three cups? You being generous to someone else out there?”

“Nope,” You pop your mouth on the word, smirking up toward Jim before resuming your objective. “I just figured that the minimum amount of coffee I need to complete this day would be three cups, so I’m planning accordingly.” You hear Jim chuckle, smiling softly to yourself and beginning to add the sugar and creamer to Jim’s own- less than you like in yours, but that’s how he normally took it.

“Is that right? Did something happen that’s exhausting you today?”

“Just Michael and his dumb short jokes.”

“Ah,” Jim breathes out, leaning his hip against the counter and looking over his shoulder toward Michael’s office. “Did he do the old ‘appreciate the little things’ one?”

“Followed by a big hug, yep,” You sigh, taking one of the cups and scalding your mouth to take a drink of it. “Had to practically push him off of me.”

“And the miniature golf one?”

“‘Do you just call it regular golf?’” You repeat Michael’s joke from earlier, deepening your voice to mock him. Sighing, you take another large gulp and wince at the temperature. Jim reaches forward, seemingly unconsciously, and slowly lowers your cup to the counter, pushing it away from you. You wonder if he realized you were burning your tongue on it.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. Sounds like a rough day if he’s going all out.”

“Oh, absolutely. He also tried out a new one! ‘Sometimes when I look at short people, I wonder if they’re able to reach their goals!’” You turn at this, huffing out an aggravated breath. You had meant to tell this one as a joke, but just as it had hit you off guard before, it was hitting you again. You tried to keep from tearing up, but really- who wanted to work as Quality Assurance for a paper company? Obviously, you haven’t been able to reach your goals and Michael just unwittingly mocked you for that.

“Hey, hey,” Jim began, reaching an arm out to place against your upper arm, noticing how fragile you suddenly became. “That was uncalled for,” Jim agreed, stepping closer to you to tower over you once more, “I’m sure Michael didn’t mean for it to be that bad, he’s just trying to think up different short puns.” He patted your arm, squeezing it once before continuing, “You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had to go to his office to look them up. I bet he didn’t even come up with it on his own.”

You laugh blearily, raising a hand to wipe away a tear that had yet to fall, but almost did. Jim began rubbing your arm up and down, and you lifted your coffee cup once more to take a big gulp. You hear the door to the room open, hoping it wasn’t who you thought it was.

“Oh, there you are!” You hold back a groan at the sound of Michael’s voice, closing your eyes to try and rein in your feelings. “Hey, I have a good one! What do you call it when a short person says goodbye?” You can hear Michael’s excitement behind you, and while normally you’d feel bad for ruining that sort of happiness, you just really weren’t in the mood for it right now. “Y/N, hey! What do you call it when you say goodbye!” He taps on your shoulder, and you finally turn to look at him with your eyebrows raised.

“Michael,” Jim tries to inject, raising a hand between the two of you. Michael, too excited to stop, jumps up and down before he finally bursts out laughing, his words jumbled and almost unrecognizable.

“A microwave! Get it! Micro!” He laughs again, and you try to find any semblance of care to keep this job, anything to get you to smile at Michael and move on like you usually do. That’s when Jim steps in front of you, moving closer to Michael. You gulp, his whole body blocking your boss from you, and you slowly realize that Jim was backing Michael up to the wall, towering over him very specifically.

“What about me, Michael?” Jim takes another step forward, Michael stumbling on a backwards step. “Have any tall jokes for me?”

“But, tall jokes-”

“Michael,” Jim’s voice lowered, and while you couldn’t see his face you could almost hear how serious it must’ve looked. Michael scurries out from next to Jim, hurrying over to the door. He clears his throat, throwing an undisguised fearful look toward Jim before straightening his suit coat and turning to leave the room.

There was something about that- maybe Jim using his height for you or even defending you from someone you were obviously having problems with- that made you suck in a breath. You knew you were blushing before, but your face felt like an inferno now. As Jim turns to look at you with an apprehensive look, you didn’t know what your own face was projecting at this point. All you kept thinking was that scene, Jim towering over Michael and chasing him away. Jim and his big body and big hands and-

A hand was being waved in your face and you jumped, widening your eyes further and drawing your gaze upward to meet with Jim. He was smiling, laughing it seemed, and finally crossed his arms. “I seemed to lose you there for a second, you alright?”

“Yeah- yes, I’m fine.” You could hear the breathless tone to your voice and cursed inwardly, turning to quickly grab your cup of coffee and drain the rest of what was in the cup. Jim raised his eyebrows at this, laughing again as you place your mug into the sink and grab the second one.

“No, but really, are you okay? Michael has some pretty shitty timing.” Timing, right. You were talking to him about something. What were you talking about? You met Jim’s gaze again and took another drink, hoping to buy time. He only laughs, reaching for his own cup and mirroring you, taking his own sip. His eyes dart briefly down to his cup before raising back to you, something in him softening at the taste.

“I’m fine. Really. Thank you for that, by the way.”

“Of course,” Jim answers right away, smiling and holding his mug close to his chest. “If only I had been here the rest of the day, I would’ve been able to help out before it got too bad.”

“You know,” You were surprised you finally were able to find your voice, taking another drink from your coffee just to keep him in suspense. “I’m now wondering if he ran to his office to start looking up tall jokes now.” Jim groaned playfully, rolling his eyes and leaning a hip against the counter. “‘How’s the weather up there?’ And whatnot, you know?”

“Oh, I know, “ Jim insists, causing you to bubble up with laughter once more. “I think his most recent one was, ‘What’s the difference between a clown and a tall person?’” You raise your eyebrows, taking a drink from your coffee. He smirks, continuing on, “Their shoe store.” You huff a smile laugh, shaking your head.

“That’s horrible.”

“I didn’t mind it that much,” Jim replies with a shrug, watching your face. You wonder why you’re being scrutinized so closely, until he finishes his sentence, “I mean, you know what they say about big feet.” You choke on your coffee, turning and coughing away from Jim. Your eyes were wide, running that sentence through your head. You could swear that you’ve never blushed this often in your entire life, and yet your face heats up once more to its familiar warmth and you aren’t sure what you’re supposed to do with your hands. Placing your now empty second mug into the sink, you take hold of your last one and fake salute toward Jim.

“Alright! And with that, I am off!” You hear Jim laughing loudly behind you, shaking your head and pressing the back of your hand to your cheek. You turn and call back into the room, “To do work! Like we’re supposed to be doing!” The door closes on Jim’s laughter, and you hurry to make it back to your desk. No one seems bothered by your commotion aside from Pam, who just looks at you with a smile and a head tilt. You just shake your head in response, finding refuge at your desk.

“So, drinks tonight?”

“Yeah, drinks sound great!”

“Are we going to-”

“Of course!”

“Hey, Y/N!” You turn your head at your name, eyeing the group of coworkers congregating at the glass doors as they all take turns putting on their jackets. It was Phyllis who called your name, and you tried to turn your brain back on enough to pay attention. After all, work is over now, you shouldn’t need to use your brain anymore. That just sounded exhausting.

“Yeah?”

“Are you coming?” At that you tilt your head, and Phyllis smiles at you kindly, “Everyone is going out for drinks.”

“Oh,” You consider it, looking at the group of them before nodding, your smile growing. “Sure! That sounds fun!”

“Nope!” You jump at the loud sound of Michael’s voice, turning to look at him with wide eyes. He approaches you and hunches down to look you in the eye- completely unnecessarily. “You can’t come!” He stands again, holding a hand above your head, “You must be this tall to ride this ride! Sorry, gotta be this tall to have a drink with the lads!” He laughs loudly, turning to usher everyone out of the building. You stand there gaping, then turn to look at Phyllis, who in turn looked horrified.

“Oh, Y/N, that was-” She huffs, “You’re still allowed to come you know.”

“No, that’s okay Phyllis,” You began, sighing and glaring at the back of Michael’s head. “I don’t think I’d have much fun with him around anyway.”

“Well, since you’re free,” You startle again, huffing when you turn around and come face-to-face with Jim. Well, face-to-chest, but you’re not here to make fun of your own height.

“Jim! You scared me.” You playfully glare at him, finishing up packing up your desk. Phyllis, unnoticed, smiled at the two of you before leaving.

“As I was saying,” Jim continues, circling around to stand right next to you. You raise your eyes to him once more, raising an unimpressed eyebrow. When he takes your hand, your eyebrow immediately falls, and you drop your gaze to look at the sight of his fingers mixing with yours. “Since you’re free tonight, maybe we could go get a drink ourselves?” You raise your surprised gaze to Jim, unsure what to say as he finally continues in a lowered and deeper voice, “Just us?”

“Jim,” You begin, his name more of an exhale than really spoken, “What are you- like a date?”

“I know our size difference is so vast,” Jim playfully insists, pulling your hand twice with his own before tangling your fingers together, “But somehow I think we can push past it.”

“So, a-”

“Yes, a date,” Jim clears up with a laugh, reaching his other hand to place against your cheek. “I promise I won’t take you to a giant’s bar.” You laugh, shaking your head.

“I better be able to fit on the stools.” His smile widens, using your hands to pull you in closer.

“Is that a-”

“That’s a yes, yeah,” You agreed easily, attempting to stand on your toes to reach up toward him. Luckily, at the same moment, Jim leaned down and your lips finally met. Jim’s hand slides from your cheek to the back of your head, pulling you in closer and you couldn’t help but melt against him. When your kiss finally breaks and he straightens back up, you pout up at him. He chuckles, shaking his head with a soft look.

“A kiss like that and all I get is a pout? I must be off my game.” You laugh, playfully hitting his chest before huffing.

“Not that, the kiss was amazing. It’s just,” You playfully glare up at him, taking hold of his tie, “You’re too tall. I can’t just surprise you with a kiss, you have to lean all the way down here just for it to happen!” Jim laughs, sliding his head from the back of your head down to your back while you spoke and pulling you in closer.

“Well, that just sounds like quitters talk.”

“You’re on then, Halpert.” So, maybe today wasn’t the worst day.

[practicecourts]

snippet monday...

The result of the poll was TDC... so I dug into what I once began to write... and this snippet seemed somewaht tidy and done enough to share... I've not decided where everyone is at in this fic idea. But I'm very interested to hear thoughts (if there are any haha - it might be too vague - lol) thanks for tagging me for a Monday snippet @jamesunderwater consider this a very late reply ;-)

tagging @abihastastybeans @charmsandtealeaves @thelighthousestale @tiffanytoms @athenasparrow (only if you feel like it of course;-)

“Mr Black, please sit down,” Lily said and waved her hand to the unoccupied chairs opposite her desk. She took a deep breath, her office had seemed rather spacious to her, up until now. Filled with both Sirius Black and James Potter it was suddenly too small and far too crowded for her liking.

“Mr Potter,” she acknowledged him at last, all the while trying her best to keep a neutral look on her face, he only nodded at her, not even a dr. Evans today.

Why did he have to be here? This was exactly why she should stay the hell away from him. If he could only take the bloody hint. Just stay professional, Lily, it’s not your fault the news is bad. You didn’t do that, you just have to tell them. Inform them. That’s what you do, that’s the job. It’s not personal.

Black spoke before she even got a chance to sit down, “May I enquire why you are here, dr Evans?” His question threw her off balance, the flush she was trying to keep off of her face crept back up again, heating her skin in a very uncomfortable way. In an attempt to ignore the feeling of her face going scarlet, she cleared her throat and answered, “Mr Black, since I am the one who did this pre-purchase check—,” had he not been aware of that? Had he requested someone else? She was sure her name had been on the appointment. Had they never bothered to read the clinic’s communcations where she was introduced as their designated pre-purchase veterinarian for racing horses,? “—for the horse you are interested in buying, I’m here to discuss the results with you.”

‘’I did see your name on the appointment, however I’ve also been informed that you’re not certified to work in the UK, so I admit I expected a replacement. Was I wrong about that?” “Come again?” Lily’s cheeks are positively burning now. The room has impossibly got even smaller in the past minute.

How did he know that? This was exactly what she was worried about would happen, why she’d almost refused her bosses, in case this would happen. And now it has. Lily breathed out as slow and calmly as she could, not feeling very in control at all. Only last week she had pointed out to the Legal Department that until her license was transferred she would not officially be allowed to work without supervision by a licensed veterinarian. They had waved it off like something minor, yet the whole process supposedly only needed five working days, so why she was still not in the clear six weeks into her new job was unclear to Lily.

Why did it have to be Black and Potter who had somehow found this out? “I’ve been told there’s a minor delay in the administration of my paperwork, Dr McGonagall supervises my work until that's cleared up,” she stated the legal answer her bosses had decided on for the time being. Like she expected, neither Black nor Potter looked impressed.

“Dr McGonagall wasn’t working yesterday. I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that kind of lax supervision.” “Well, perhaps you had been present yourself you would have been more comfortable with this. I'll have you know I'm not inexperienced, and I think if you had been there you could have at least seen so for yourself, instead of implying I don't know what I'm doing. This horse is not the first I’ve ever examined.” she said, pissed off at the situation.

Why couldn’t other people do their bloody jobs, so she could very well do hers instead of having these two smug know-it-alls openly question her abilities. She was furious that somehow word had got out and now this arrogant man dared to sit in her own office and tell her she should not have checked his horse. And the most infuriating part was that legally, he was one hundred percent right.

[burnwater13]

A split image of Luke Skywalker standing just in front of the open blast doors on Moff Gideon's shop and Grogu touching the Mandalorian's helmet on the same bridge. Image from The Mandalorian, Season 2, Episode 8, The Rescue. Calendar from DataWorks.

Original story. Chapter 16. Grogu would like to not like a word.

Knock. Knock, knock.

Hi. It’s Grogu. Can we talk about this? This “One of your kind” thing? It’s come up a couple of times recently and I just want to shut this down once and for all. 

THIS IS MEANINGLESS.

Wow. Thanks. Much appreciated. That felt good.

Listen, we are all unique. Each of us is our own kind. Who we are and who we connect to is our choice. Not anyone else’s. I don’t care how scary or authoritative the Armorer is, she is not the boss of me. She can’t set who my kind is. Only I can. 

And for those of you in the back, I am not talking about deciding that I’m a Twi’lek. I know I’m not a Twi’lek. I don’t have ‘tails’, I’m not really tall, and contrary to popular opinion, everyone does not just fall in love with me. I’m not talking about that.

What I am talking about is that I may have been raised at the Jedi Temple. I may have been trained by many great Jedi masters. I may be able to use the Force as they trained me to. But that doesn’t mean I’m a Jedi. 

At least not any more. I was a Jedi youngling. Past tense. And not recent past either. Nope. That was over half a lifetime ago. I haven’t done the Jedi stuff since then. I had my reasons. They were all good reasons. Don’t bother trying to second guess me. I know where they hide the mythosaur.

This keeps coming up because people use imprecise language, myself included, I’m sorry to say. You see, I hate Gal Basic. I’d much rather speak my own language or Mando’a or even Iktotchi, but right now, I telling my friend, the scribe, what to write. They make choices. But those choices are something I discuss with them in one of those other languages or through the Force. That’s how we do these things.

Now, I’m pretty sure that the Armorer just wanted me to be placed with someone who could keep me safe and fed. So send me to ‘my kind’ was pretty straight forward to them. Maybe. Sorta. Actually, it wasn’t straight forward at all. You see, the Armorer knew that the Jedi had been all but wiped from the face of the galaxy. A lot like the Mandalorians. Which meant she didn’t actually want Din Djarin to give me to some random Jedi he stumbled across. Nope. 

She wanted him to take me home. To the people I am genetically similar to. My home world. Unfortunately, my home world is unknown to me or Din Djarin or anyone else either of us have even met. I can sort of understand the Armorer not knowing that. Maybe.

On the other hand, my home is well known, it’s at the center (pretty close) of the galaxy, and it’s still standing. But somehow, neither the Armorer, nor Din Djarin, ever thought that they could just put me on a passenger ship to Coruscant and call it a day. 

The Temple is still there. More or less. It was the only home I knew for a good chunk of my life. All they had to do was drop me off and I would have been fine. After all, I’m small and I knew my way around the place in a manner that no one else ever did, except maybe Masters Yoda or Yaddle. If you were looking for people like me, they were as close as you were going to get and sadly, they are both gone. One with the Force and all that. 

But the Armorer didn’t send me there. Nope. Din Djarin and I went planet hopping looking for all sorts of needles in all sorts of haystacks. I won’t say it wasn’t exciting. It was. I learned a lot. I even started using the Force again which was pretty handy. Spending time with the Mandalorian helped me see that what I actually wanted was to make my own home and select my own family. I figured that’s what the big guy wanted too or why save me from the client and Dr. Pershing to begin with? 

The two of us got along well, even though he wasn’t a fan of watching me eat frogs and I am certainly not a fan of ration packs and armor polish. But aside from those things, we are very similar. We are both honorable. We keep our word. We help our friends. We hurt people as a last resort. We’re good to critters as long as they aren’t trying to eat us or other people. We pay our debts.

Things were going pretty well until he decided to hand me over to that kid who runs the sleep away camp. I know, I know. Luke Skywalker isn’t just your average kid who grew up on a backwater planet like Tatooine and made good. He got to meet Obi-Wan Kenobi. He trained with Master Yoda. He’s related to Darth Vader. 

Uh… yeah. About that. Darth Vader is Luke’s dad. Strange huh? They were definitely the same kind. But then were they? Vader wasn’t a very nice, friendly, save you from a bunch of scary battle droids kind of guy. Luke clearly was. Vader didn’t make friends. Luke had lots of friends, surprisingly enough, given his wardrobe choices (Dad thing right? Like me and my beskar shirt?). They couldn’t be more different, but they were the same kind. From the same home world. Taught by the same masters. Yet, not really the same at all.

You see how the word just doesn’t help. They are family, for good or bad. Luke chose that. Vader chose that. All I’m really saying is that I chose Din Djarin to be part of my family and I’m not giving him up just because he’s not a Jedi. I’ve made my choice and I’m not going back to Luke’s Jedi Sleep Away Camp and you can’t make me. I have spoken (thanks Kuiil).

[effypcfc]

Hooty Commits Kidnapping, Sort of...

I've written this short fanfiction inspired by this piece made by @juatoo, which depicts Amity Blight playing with figures of her and Luz Noceda, possibly imagining a romantic scenario between them.

Made it into its own separate Tumblr post because I fear it's not getting any engagement as I hoped because it was written as a reblog. Also made some minor changes to it as well, hopefully, to flesh out the characters' thoughts and feelings better.

References to episodes and moments in The Owl House S2, so spoiler alert, I guess, if that counts.

Anyhoot, I hope y'all enjoy it!

======================================

Amity Blight is sitting alone in her room, trying her hardest to concentrate on her studies, but unable to do so. Constantly bothered by her growing feelings for Luz Noceda, her human friend, who she has recently graced with a kiss to the cheek when they last met, she does the one thing she can think of to process the whole thing.

Checking the adjacent hallway outside her room to see that neither Edric nor Emira, her older siblings who have a knack for teasing and playing pranks on her, are close by, seeing that neither is nearby, she then closes her door, grabs a vial of abomination goo, casts a spell circle, and shapes two small blobs of the purple viscous liquid into solid and fully-detailed likenesses of herself and Luz. She then tries her best to imitate Luz's voice, making both figures talk to each other.

"Oh, Amity, your hair's different!"

"Yeah, I thought I could use a change," She says, alternating between her usual speaking voice and her mock-Luz voice.

"It suits you. Makes you look prettier." Coyly, Amity then says "Aww, thanks," brushing her own hair behind her ear. "Listen, thank you for getting me my job at the library back. It means so much to me that you did, and I hope you got the information you need from that echo mouse."

"And thank you for saving my life the other night. I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop thinking about you being my hero. Guess you could say you've swept me off my feet. I'll never forget you once I return home, Amity." She then makes Luz's figure kiss her figure on the cheek, imagining what could have been if things played out differently if Luz reciprocated her feelings and kissed her first. She was thinking back to when she lost all inhibition that moment. That evening, she is moved after realizing that Luz really genuinely cares for her and wants to make up for getting her fired from the library, after getting caught by Malphas, the master librarian, her boss, as they were sneaking into the Forbidden Stacks.

Amity also couldn't help but worry that she might never get the chance to be with Luz again, for good. She herself has helped Luz find a way to travel back to the Human Realm, after all.

"I'll miss you, Luz. You reckless, wonderful ray of light, you. My fearless champion," Amity sighs, then lays her head on the desk where both figures are, defeated by this realization, wishing she could soon talk to Luz about what transpired that evening. Wishing Luz felt the same way about her as she does.

"'Farewell forever'? What were you thinking?! Nah, you weren't thinking! Now it's about to come true! You blew it, Amity!" she chastises herself under her breath, burying her head under her arms.

Emira sneakily walks into Amity's room, noticing her face-down on her bedside desk, teasingly greets "HEY MITTENS!!!"

Amity shrieks in surprise and embarrassment, blushing furiously.

"So, Luz, huh?"

Amity groans in resignation, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, and what about it?," she snaps. She knows she cannot lie about it anymore. Emira has caught her red-handed (or should I say, red-faced.) She must have also overheard Amity's poor impression of Luz's voice on the way in, so there's no coming back from that now.

Emira then tells her "I remember just a couple months ago, you were being so mean to her, and now look at the two of you, the best of friends, and now, you're head over heels for this human girl. You even kissed her! My little sister, all grown up and in love!"

GIF by weirdo-with-no-beardo

Amity, flustered, says "You saw that?!," sighs deeply in annoyance, then tells her sister "I can't help it, okay! I like Luz! I can't stop thinking about her without catching myself smiling like an idiot." She then dissolves both figures of her and Luz back into goo and directs it all back into the vial.

"She can be so stupid. She has a thing for getting in trouble again and again. Despite that, she's… genuinely nice. Nice to me, Willow, and Gus too. She's always there for them, for me, which is sweet. Genuinely nice, unlike the other girls I'm friends with at school. Unlike Boscha. I can't stop thinking about the next time we hang out together again. I can't stop thinking about wanting to hug her tightly. I've never felt this way about anyone, ever!"

Amity pauses to compose herself, then declares "I'm Amity Blight, top student at Hexside... or, at least, I was. I shouldn't be freaking out over this. I've faced a slitherbeast and lived. I've fought off Grom, and even Mom and Dad's stupid robots, without breaking a sweat! So why does talking about my feelings for Luz feel this scary?"

"I thought it's adorable though, even Edric agrees," Emira answers. "I've never seen you happy in a long time, and I could tell you've been happier since being friends with Luz. I feel you, though. Love is definitely scary. It's scary, especially if it's your first time feeling this way about someone, but you know what? You should still do it! Tell her how you feel. Just think, she will eventually have to go back home. You might not get another chance to see her again, so you might as well do it now," Em says in reply, hoping to offer some encouragement to her lovestruck younger sister.

"I know that," said Amity. "I know she'll have to go back home, and I will tell her about it, in time, right before she leaves. I just gotta build up my courage first. Play it carefully, plan it out, like I always do, you know…"

"I understand. Sometimes though, things like this don't need too much planning. You just let this girl know. You walk up to her, preferably on a good day for both of you, and tell her 'Hey, Luz! I like you, I like hanging out with you, and I think we should go out together, for real, this time. Do you wanna be my girlfriend?'" says Emira, giving Amity ideas, at the same time, flustering her even more at the thought of being Luz's girlfriend. "Then, just hope for the best!" she adds.

Both girls have not noticed the open balcony door in Amity's room. Hooty, the house demon with the physiology of an owl, who watches over Eda Clawthorne, King, and Luz, shoots up from the ground and enthusiastically calls out to Emira. "HI-YA, BLIGHT SISTER!," he says in his signature high-pitched, shrill yet jovial voice, as if a cartoon animal from the 1930s has been fed a gratuitous amount of candy and spun around inside a dryer.

Hooty has the uncanny ability to stretch and retract his body over long distances and open his mouth wide, similar to a snake. This explains how he was able to reach Blight Manor from the door he's attached to, unless he has detached himself from his door and connected himself somewhere else, an act which has disgusted and disturbed his housemates.

In one swift motion, Hooty then opens up his mouth, darting straight for Amity before she has a moment to respond, and swallows her whole. Amity struggles visibly, yelling "Ugh, HOOTY!!!" muffled, and after a few seconds, stops moving within Hooty's belly, Emira shrieking in horror and disbelief, hoping and praying to the Titan that her sister isn't truly dead yet.

Belching loudly, Hooty then tells Emira "Mind if I borrow Amity for a bit? She'll be alright. In fact, she'll be better when this works out, I promise." Em nods in agreement, hands covering her mouth, too horrified to speak, unaware of Hooty's ability to regurgitate anything it swallows, living or dead.

Hooty then slithers backward towards the owl house, with a noticeable bulge in his serpentine midsection where Amity is, currently.

This has gotta work. I've failed King and Eda. I can't let Luz down as well, Hooty thinks to himself on his way back. Little does he know, things turned out better than expected for both parties mentioned.

All within the span of less than an hour, Hooty makes his way to the house's basement, then regurgitates a sizeable owl pellet large enough to envelop Amity's entire unconscious body. He then hocks up a typewriter and several small sheets of paper. He places one of them on the machine, then types, pecking each key with his beak:

As we stumble through life, gloom knows no bounds. You'll only find love when you're in the ground.

Hooty pauses, realizing how morbid that sounds. He flips the note over, then adds:

P.S. I mean the basement! Love, HOOTY

He types one more note, then speeds up to Luz's bedroom, leaves the first note on the floor, and knocks on her door, overhearing Luz gush about her desire to ask Amity out while fearing possible rejection, worrying she might find her too cheesy. He then disappears back into the basement, adding the finishing touches to his grand scheme to get the two lovebirds together…

[inciting-chaos-series]

The Night Shift: Chapter Two

If you'd like to be tagged when new chapters are posted let me know!

-Ghostiewvlf

✦✦Update: Edited slightly :) -Ghostiewvlf

✦ The Night Shift Masterpost ✦

➢ Tag List: @valleys

➢Author: Ghostiewvlf & JTheGhost ➢ Rating: Mature ➢ Pairings: Corpse X reader | Corpse X y/n ➢ Themes: Slow Burn | Coworkers To Lovers | Angst | Holiday | Mutual Pining | Fluff | Smut? | Hurt/Comfort | Soulmates | Fake Relationships | Miscommunication | Forced Proximity | Found Family | ➢ Warnings: Crude Humor | Suicidal Jokes/Ideation | Drinking | Smoking |

➢Summary:

You work the night shift at a local dog kennel for boarding and daycare. You love the peace and quiet of the shift, but just when you get comfortable- a few break-ins happen around town, and upper management decides to place your quiet, brooding, shift lead on the schedule with you.

☽✧ Chapter Two: Hesitancy ✧☾

-Y/N POV-

The next few shifts with him were pretty uneventful. Logan sustained his normal, more closed off, demeanor- though it seemed he opened up a lot more when it was just the two of you and no other staff or customers. It was nice getting to know him on a level besides ‘young guy that happened to be in charge but never acted like it.’ 

“I never really wanted this position, you know.” He muttered softly.

“What?” You hadn't expected him to change the subject so quickly. You’d finished early tonight, on account of the small number of animals that were boarding along with the cold weather outside preventing longer playgroups for them. You'd just been joking around about a crazy customer that kept calling after hours. 

“Shift lead. I know no one here really sees me as a boss, I like it and all but… for what they’re expecting of me, vs what theyre paying me… its fucking ridiculous.” He laughed and scrolled through his Twitter feed on the work computer. 

“Isn't that how they always get you?” You laughed lightly. Neither the company, nor the industry itself, were known for the competitive pay or the proper treatment of staff. 

“Pretty much. I was just too desperate for any type of raise since I just lost my- roommate or whatever.” He rolled his eyes. “Shits fuckin difficult.” 

“I’m sorry man, did you wanna talk about it?” You offered softly, unsure of how to react to him willingly telling you all this.

“No- no, just- I don't know. I just don't want you to see me as this, like, hard ass or something you know? I hear the conversations behind closed doors.” He laughed. “Ever since I got ‘promoted’ everyone hates working with me. They think that either I’m a rat, or that I didn't deserve the position… It doesn't bother me too much but, I don't know- if we're gonna be working together almost every night, I just hope you don’t see me that way I suppose. It would make things easier.” 

“I don’t. I mean- it is strange suddenly like- working one-on-one with just your shift lead, but I don't know, I guess you and I have the same kind of work ethic so it kind of works out.” You chuckled and shrugged. 

“True.” He gave you a tired smile before his eyes widened a bit. “Shit I never paid up on that IOU huh?” He pulled out his phone and leaned back in the reception chair next to you. “How does pizza sound?” He raised an eyebrow and smiled a crooked grin. 

“You don't have to do that.” You laughed. “I was pretty used to working these shifts solo, so having you to help just makes it easier, you napping on the job didn't affect me much.” You nudged his chair lightly with your shoe, pushing it slightly.

“Whatever, I always keep my word, so I’m getting us pizza, it sounds fire right now.” He rolled his eyes and pushed you back before turning his attention to his phone again. “Pepperoni sound good?”  

“Sounds good to me.” You shrugged and smiled at him. 

---

Once the end of your shift rolled around, he clocked both of you out before waiting at the door while you gathered up your things. He flashed you a tired smile when you finally headed over to the door.

“You didn’t need to wait for me… you’re exhausted you should've headed out.” You stated as you both made your way out after locking up.

“It’s fuckin dark out here though… I mean- wasn't management's whole point of having two of us work so that we’re safe?” He teased in a soft mocking tone while he walked you over to your car. “Can’t let those hooligans get to us underpaid staff.”

“Yeah I suppose so…” You laughed and stopped at your car door, unlocking it and tossing your bag in. “Well, thank you anyways- you get home safe.” 

“You too, y/n.” He smiled and gave you a nod before hopping into his own car. This was such a new side of him to you. Night shifts were actually becoming fun like day shifts with Liz were before switching over. It was nice that you actually got to talk and be friendly. You were actually starting to look forward to working the next shift with Logan. 

-Logan’s POV- 

He sat and let his car warm up, keeping an eye on you to ensure your car started and you could be on your way home. Once you’d left the lot he let out a huff of breath he hadn't realized he’d been holding. He hadn’t exactly meant to reveal so much about himself, it just seemed to slip out so easily. He took his phone and connected it to the stereo before putting on one of his playlists and starting his own drive home. 

He had to admit to himself, working the later shifts with you had been much nicer than the day shifts. He was finding himself looking forward to them, even the days he pulled a double. You were a dedicated worker, and it was obvious that you showed up for much more than a paycheck, you really did care about the work you put in and the animal’s happiness. He respected it, though he found it a bit funny; you seemed to be on the same page as him when it came to certain policies or disliking the culture within the field- yet you never cut corners when it came to the important tasks or taking care of the animals. He understood now why management had been so lackluster about choosing him as shift lead- you had obviously been their first choice, given the extensive experience and expertise you had in the field, but since you were only part-time- they couldn’t give you the title of lead. He wondered if they had even approached you about it or not. 

Not that any of it mattered at all to him, afterall he was keeping you at an arm's-length from him. He didn’t need anyone new in his life, and judging on how similar you were to him, you’d be fast friends for sure. He didn’t need to see the disappointment grow in your face as you slowly got to know him, and he didn’t need to watch another person walk out of his life- after all, you were smart, and funny… and kind, you would quickly grow wise to what a degenerate he truly was. 

Once he got home he grabbed a snack before quickly retreating to his room. He still wasn’t fully able to exist comfortably in the living room or kitchen, even his bedroom it was difficult. There were far too many memories of when he wasn’t living alone that taunted him out there. Everywhere he looked in his apartment he seemed to be bombarded with flashbacks of her and the life they’d had together before she inevitably broke him.  

He collapsed in bed and started up a game on his console to relax. Just as he finished up his first match, he heard his phone buzz at his side. He felt a similar buzz in his chest in the hope that it was you, but that didn’t last as the Google Photos notification appeared on his screen. His gaze hardened as he checked the date while the application loaded. Just as he suspected, an old anniversary date. He swiped the app closed before the photos of some long buried memory could load and force it all back to the surface. He tossed the phone away and started another match, a new frustrated indignation brewing in him and souring his abnormally good mood. He didn’t want to drink again- he couldn’t come into work and have you seeing him hungover again, but the urge was strong from the bottle beside him on the nightstand.  

It wasn't until a quarter till 4am that it buzzed again, he paused the game and was ready to shut off the device when your name appeared on the screen. He instantly clicked it and was greeted with your familiar friendly tone in your texts. 

Y/n:

You make it home safe?

Logan:

Yeah like thirty minutes ago. Do you really drive that slow, granny?

Y/n:

I live far away and it’s foggy on the highway… ac-tu-ally 

Logan:

Whatever you need to tell yourself to rationalize it 😂

Glad you’re home safe. Get some rest lol 

He couldn’t help the full laugh as you sent back an angry grandma gif in response, nor could he help the slight dread he felt afterward in response. 

➢ Links:

✦ Fics Masterlist ✦ The Night Shift Masterpost ✦ ✦ AO3 ✦ Wattpad ✦ Art ✦ ✦ Requests Masterpost & Guidelines ✦ Request Trope List ✦ 。:゜:.*∵✧∵ ☽ Submit A Request ☾∵✧∵*:.゜: 。

[ainyan]

Flirting

“You know, before we head off of Coruscant, maybe you should go see a doctor.” Ciprys ignored Risha for a moment, flicking switches and toggling buttons as she ran through the pre-flight check. The smuggler girl crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently while she waited for the Captain to finish. 

Finally, Ciprys sighed and leaned back in the captain’s chair. “Alright. I’ll bite. Why do I need to see a doctor?”

The smuggler stared at her boss. “Because that spacer was absolutely delicious, and you didn’t even bother to laugh him off. Make plans for later. Tell me you’d meet me back here. I’ve never seen you turn down a willing man before - not like that, not without even so much as a flirt.”

The Chiss looked annoyed as she gazed at the galaxy map, studying the systems as if trying to decide where they were headed next. “So I wasn’t down for a tumble, so what? I don’t sleep with every man I see, you know.” 

“Damn near,” Risha muttered, and held up her hand as Ciprys swung around in her chair, scarlet eyes hot. “I’m not insulting you, I’m worried. You haven’t been yourself since everything went down on Yavin. I know there’s some big bad shit out there…”

Snarling softly, Ciprys sprang from her chair, fingers caressing her blaster as she paced across the cockpit. “Do you? Do you even understand what happened? The Sith Emperor is out there somewhere, trying to come back. And while I’m not inclined to take anything a Sith says at face value, Darth Marr’s running scared of his old boss, and that’s got me scared. The head of the Dark Council isn’t exactly a coward.”

Risha took a deep breath as her captain stalked in ragged circles. “I get that, but things weren’t exactly cloud nine before, and that didn’t stop you from taking your fun as you found it. I’m just saying, Cip,” she added cajolingly, “I’m worried for you. About you. You’re damn near the only family I got in this galaxy; I don’t wanna see anything happen to you.”

The fight drained from the Chiss, her eyes closing as she drew her hand from her blaster, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Damn it, Risha. I’m fine,” she sighed, lowering her hand and opening her eyes to gaze at the other smuggler. “I just - between this whole Revan and Emperor thing, and everything else on our plate, I’ve had little interest in bedsports.”

Risha shook her head. “And of course, it has nothing to do with what else happened on Yavin, right?”

Immediately, the shutters dropped, Ciprys’s expression closing to wooden blankness. “Nothing else of import happened on Yavin,” she replied blandly. “Still no word from Command on that next shipment we’re supposed to be taking for them; I’m going to my quarters. Message me when we get our manifest.”

Risha watched Ciprys go, sighing, and studied the galaxy map, wondering where their next adventure would lead them.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The door slid shut behind Ciprys and she engaged the locks, rubbing her forehead as she sighed. “Damn it, Risha,” she muttered as she shrugged out of her jacket, tossing the leather coat carelessly on her bed. She began to unbuckle her holster, then paused, eyes narrowing. “Oh for the love of - how the hell did you get onto my ship?”

“Will you really insult me by asking that?” Stretched out in her desk chair, Theron Shan raised one eyebrow at the Chiss. “I mean, you’ve got great security, but we’re talking me here. C’mon Ciprys,” he added in a wheedling tone, “don’t tell me you’re not happy to see me.”

She didn’t want to be. The spy who sat before her with that charming smile and those sly hazel eyes was a complication she neither needed nor wanted in her life. Risha might make light of her habits, but her lightskirt reputation had been quite calculated. “Yeah, sure, Shan, I’m always happy to see a handsome face.” Her smile was coy as she swept past him, ruffling a hand over his hair. “Just stop by for a reprise of our farewells on Yavin? I might have time to oblige.”

He reached up to snag her wrist, holding her fast, and felt her tension immediately ratchet up. “I didn’t say that,” he replied mildly, watching her as she stared at the far wall. “I saw you were on planet and thought we could talk.”

“I already told you once,” she replied shortly, “I’m not interested in being an SIS mole. I have a lot of good, valuable clients that might be put off by the idea. If you want to tangle up my sheets, Shan, let’s go. Otherwise, I’ve got stuff to do before the manifest comes in.”

He didn’t release her wrist, even though she tugged experimentally, testing his grip. “Almost perfect. I’d have bought it on Rishi - I did buy it on Rishi,” he corrected, feeling her stiffen. “But you slipped up on Yavin. You almost had me completely fooled.”

When she yanked her wrist again, he let her go and she jerked backwards, rubbing at her hand. “What you see is what you get, Shan. I’m about as deep as Corso.”

The spy steepled his fingers before him as he met her bland scarlet gaze. “Having looked into your white knight, I’m pretty sure that’s far more insulting to you than to him,” he replied, and she bit back a bark of laughter. “You are definitely more than you appear,” he added, more soberly, and her mirth fled. “I get why you pretend otherwise - but you can’t fool me again, Ciprys. No backwater bumpkin is going to manipulate the head of the Dark Council with such precision.”

She turned away from him, still rubbing her wrist. “Everyone has moments, Shan,” she muttered. “Mine are few and far between. I’m exactly as I appear. A hotshot smuggler from beyond the Outer Rim whose big goal is to get rich and retire young, preferably with a bevy of pretty young men. And if you’re looking to be one of those,” she shot over her shoulder, “alienating me ain’t gonna get you there.”

“Bullshit,” he countered pleasantly, and her eyes went hot. “I’ve seen your accounts - all of them,” he added before she could retort. “I know your contacts. You could retire today and never lift another finger for the rest of your life and never want for anything - even with the funds you sink into some schools out in the Outer Rim.” She could hear the puzzlement in his voice.

Ciprys grunted. “Kids gotta learn, and they don’t always have options out in the back of beyond. What does the SIS care what I do with my money?” He noticed, curiously, that she didn’t seem particularly upset by the intrusion into her privacy - or even surprised.

Theron closed his eyes, sighing. “For the SIS, they care because you’re Chiss,” he replied flatly. “Any Chiss in Republic space is suspect - don’t tell me you didn’t know that. For me, I just want to know you better.”

She made a disgruntled noise. “Look, Shan,” she snapped, whirling around and stabbing a finger towards his chest, “you and me, we’re from different galaxies, but we got a few things in common. One of those things is that we’re both players, not stayers. We had fun - and it was some great fun - but that’s all it was.”

His hazel eyes held a glint that she found disconcerting. “Then it shouldn’t be any problem for you to join me for a caf while you wait on your manifest,” he replied with a slow smile. “Just between friends. Nothing to worry about.”

“Theron Shan, I am absolutely certain that that phrase and you shouldn’t be within shouting distance of each other,” came the captain’s exasperated retort. His grin only increased her irritation - and her wariness. “Seriously? You want to have a cup of caf? You don’t have to seduce me, spyboy. You already did that,” she added dryly.

Theron watched her with infuriating patience. “Caf and conversation. That’s all I want.”

Ciprys was at a loss. She was no stranger to clingy males; the cost of playing around meant that occasionally one ran across a man who didn’t understand the concept of a one-night stand. But she knew she hadn’t misread the spy - he was as likely as she to have ‘one in every port’ as the old saw went. 

So why the hell was he so insistent on dragging this out? Some SIS operation? Concern from up top about the carte blanche they’d given her after Yavin?

No, too heavy handed.

Did he really just want caf? “Fine,” she finally replied shortly, eyes narrowing at the triumphant glint in his gaze. “Some caf, some conversation. We can just nip into the kitchen…”

“Nope. Know a nice little place in the Galactic Market sector. Quiet, out of the way, most of the clientele are people like you and me.”

She blinked. “You want to go out?” she asked flatly, then, “and there is no you and me. There is no one like you and me, because you and me are antithetical to each other.”

Theron’s lips quirked. “Do you even know what it sounds like when you say words like ‘antithetical’ in that country bumpkin’s voice? Is it just me that breaks your cover, or does it crack every time you get frustrated?” Before she could reply, he shook his head. “No, I’ve seen you stay perfect under pressure. I’m flattered.”

The heat in her eyes would have seared a lesser man to cinders. “You’re about to be flattened,” she growled, and when he grinned, she snapped her teeth at him. “By the Flame, Theron Shan, what the hell is your malfunction? I know I’m good, but I’m not that damn good.” She paused. “Well, okay, I am that damn good.” She caught sight of the laughter in his eyes. “Disagree?”

Theron spread his hands. “How about that caf?” he deflected, levering himself up from the chair and coming to his feet. “Ciprys,” he added softly as she hesitated, “I really just want to talk. No grand conspiracies here. No convoluted plans. I’m not trying to recruit you, and I know you’re loyal to us. I just want to talk to you - as friends.”

Friends. What a strange concept. Ciprys sighed, rubbing her neck. “Fine,” she muttered. “Fine, you win, Shan. Let’s go get some caf.” She snagged her jacket from the bed. “Dunno what you expect me to tell you that you don’t already know.”

“Well,” he replied as he followed her out of her cabin, past the gaping Risha and spluttering Corso, “for one thing, what’s the story behind the akk dog?”

Ciprys glanced towards where the spiky crimson creature lay beneath the table, watching her with huge dark eyes. “What, Mongo? Some idiot Houk was teasing him as a puppy. Put a stop to it and he wouldn’t stop following me. I’ll be back,” she told Risha, biting back a grin at the smuggler’s dumbfounded expression. “Patch that manifest through as soon as you get it.”

Brown eyes blinked rapidly. “I - uh - yes… yes, captain,” she sputtered. “Captain, I…”

Ciprys lifted a hand, waving at her crew as the door cycled open and she led Theron from the freighter.

As the door slid shut behind her, Risha turned to stare at Corso and Akavi, who had come out at the commotion and was peering curiously after her boss. “Who the hell was that? What the hell was that?”

The Zabraki Mandalorian rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “That was Shan,” she pointed out. “The one she worked with on Rishi and Yavin. I did not know he was on board.”

“Neither did I,” Corso and Risha replied together, exchanging a bewildered glance. The Mantellian sighed and scrubbed at his jaw. “Knew she could smuggle damn near anything,” he muttered, then turned and walked away.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was not, thankfully, the cantina where Ciprys had met Darmus Pollus at. Even now, a year later, the smuggler still felt the sting of embarrassment whenever she considered the traitor and how easily he’d played her.

No, Theron had chosen an actual caf shop, small and out of the way, occupied by men and women whose professions made them more frequent visitors to Coruscant rather than actual citizens. Some of them were legitimate. Some, Ciprys recognized from past business dealings.

I’ll be damned. There is a place for people like him and me. The captain didn’t know whether to be amused or disconcerted. The spy took a table along the wall, tugging out a chair for her before sliding into the one across. She slipped into the seat, stretching her legs out and leaning back as he spoke to the server. At his glance, she nodded, and he ordered for both of them, then leaned forward, planting his elbows on the table as they were left alone. “Still think we’re antithetical?”

She gave him a cool red stare. “You’re a lawman,” she pointed out, and at his look of distaste, laughed. “Spyboy, agent, whatever you call it, you work for the government, and you find bad guys and deal with ‘em. Me? I’m one of those bad guys, Shan. Shouldn’t you be trying to lock me away?”

He spread his hands. “Wouldn’t do any good. Immune to prosecution, remember? Anywhere you could get into trouble, I’d have no jurisdiction. Anyway,” he added thoughtfully, gaze tracking up towards the ceiling, “you’re not really bad. Not like the kind of people I deal with. You’re a Republic loyalist.”

Ciprys frowned, tracing her fingertip over the table as she gazed at its smudged surface. “I’m not sure how I feel about not being bad,” she muttered. “Protestations aside,” and his grin echoed hers, light and mocking, “I’m not exactly an upstanding citizen and I like it that way.”

“Don’t worry,” Theron soothed, “you’ll always be my favorite criminal.” At her hot-eyed glare, he grinned unrepentantly, then straightened as the server returned with their orders. Closing his fingers around his mug, he canted his head to one side. “So, you rescued an akk dog from a Houk and named it Mongo. Any other pets?”

She lifted her mug, inhaling the rich scent of caf as she studied him, considering her answers. “Quite a few, actually, although Mongo’s my only big one, and the only one that’s really permanent.” She shrugged, and he was amused to see a faint flush turn her turquoise skin purple. “I, uh… rehabilitate small animals I… rescue… from abusive owners. Once they’re better, I send ‘em on to people who can get ‘em back where they belong.”

“Schools in the Outer Rim. Animal rehabilitation. Not exactly the hobbies of a master criminal,” the spy pointed out gently, and bit back his grin at her glare. “You know, I’ve heard you laugh. I’ve seen you smile. I know you have a wicked sense of humor - what is it about me that brings out so much anger?”

The question gave her pause, and she frowned, lifting her mug to sip as she bit back her instinctive retort and instead considered the question carefully. “I’m not angry,” she finally replied. “I’m… confused. I just can’t pin you down, Shan. You’re a Republic spy, son of some famous Jedi, some big shot now in the SIS. You probably had the best schools, lived the best life. Couldn’t follow in mom’s footsteps, but you made somethin’ of yourself. Why you slummin’ it with some alien from beyond the back of beyond with no past, no future, nothin’ to her but a ship and a rap sheet a kilometer long?”

His face closed up at the mention of his mother. “My childhood wasn’t what you’d expect,” he finally replied, his voice dropping low, below the general level of conversation. Leaning forward, he cupped his hands around his mug. “Let’s just say, it wasn’t typical, and it wasn’t grand. But I learned a lot, about myself and the galaxy and the people who live here, and that’s why I became a spy.” He tapped his fingers along the curving walls of the mug, then shrugged. “And I don’t see this as slumming it. I know nothing about your past - whatever you were before you appeared in Republic space eight years ago, you hid it damn well,” and he didn’t miss the flash of relief in her eyes, “but what you’ve been since then? You’re not a common criminal, Ciprys, and you’re not just ‘some alien from beyond’, either. You’ve done things other smugglers only dream of, and you barely broke a sweat.”

“Yeah, well, I am pretty great, but still.” She smirked at him, a brief flash before she sobered once more. “I dunno what game you’re playin’, Shan, but I gotta warn you - I seem the affable type, and I’m pretty easy goin’ most of the time - but you cross me,” and her eyes hardened, her expression sending a chill down Theron’s spine, “you’ll find I don’t shake easy. You wanna be friends? I ain’t gonna say no.” She sighed, shoulders slumping. “Wouldn’t say no even if you were another nobody like me,” she finally admitted. “The connections don’t hurt, but…”

“But?” he asked, when she trailed off into silence.

She sighed again. “Sometimes I’m just a bit too contrary even for myself. I have a feelin’ I’d enjoy your company, if I’d stop bein’ a bitch about it.” She looked up into his smug grin and wrinkled her nose. “Still don’t get what you’re after. But I guess someone like me shouldn’t look a gift friend in the mouth.”

Theron traced the rim of his mug. “‘Someone like you’? You mean, a highly skilled pilot with copious contacts among both the elite of the underworld and the higher echelons of the Republic - and even some Imperial connections, with carte blanche to act in Republic space.” His hazel eyes rose to meet hers and she stilled, caught by the expression on his face. “‘Someone like you’? A beautiful woman, a passionate lover, exciting in bed and out? Yeah, I can’t imagine why I’d want to spend time with you, Ciprys. Can’t imagine it at all.”

She leaned back in her chair, a deliberately distancing move, and smirked. “Well, when you put it that way, I can’t blame you for stalkin’ me. I am pretty awesome in all regards.”

The spy leaned back as well, stretching long legs before him as he tapped lightly against the handle of his mug. “You jest, but I can’t disagree. You don’t like compliments, do you?”

Ciprys pursed her lips. “I don’t trust a compliment that doesn’t come with a string attached,” she corrected finally, shrugging. “I’m used to everyone wanting something from me. Just because I can’t see your angle yet doesn’t mean I don’t know you’re after something as well.”

The irritation that flashed across his face surprised her. So did the flash of shame she felt. “Are you sure of that?” he asked, his tone measured, and she felt the weight of a crossroads upon her shoulders.

Meeting his dark eyes, she was silent for a moment, then lowered her own gaze, her shoulders rounding. “It would make it easier if I was,” she muttered, and felt the tension between them lessen. “Then I’d understand a bit more what’s going on.”

He sighed. “Does it help if I tell you I’m just as confused as you?” When she glanced up, shocked, he gave her a twisted smile. “Right now, I’m cruising on instinct. I want to know you better, so that’s what I’m doing. I can’t tell you why, though.”

She let out a puff of breath. “Same goes,” she admitted, shrugging. “I… might have been thinking about you lately. A little bit,” she added, sneering at his grin. “Now and then, when I’m especially bored.”

Theron tapped his empty mug. “Then let’s just take it as it goes, Ciprys. See where it goes. Neither of us has ever been big on planning. Why start now?”

Huffing out another breath, Ciprys finally shrugged. “Fair enough.” She smirked at him. “If nothing else, history says it should be an exciting ride.”

Hazel eyes glinted as he stood, holding out a hand to her. “Oh, I can guarantee that,” he murmured, and she grinned as she slid her fingers into his, letting him help her to her feet. “In fact,” he added, tugging her forward until her toes brushed his, “we could head back to your ship…”

Her communicator sounded, and he cut off as she reached into her pocket with the hand not held in his, pulling it out and toggling it on. “Talk to me, Risha,” the captain replied, her eyes not on the holo of her friend, but on Theron’s eyes.

“Hey Captain, manifest just came in. We’re all loaded up and ready to go when you are. Is that a problem?” 

Ciprys realized she was scowling and carefully smoothed her expression. “No, of course not. I’ll be back shortly; have the engines warmed up and prep the hyperdrive. We’ll take off as soon as I’m on board.” When Risha acknowledged her orders, she toggled the com off, pocketing it. “Theron, I -”

“Have a job to do.” His thumb slid over her knuckles, then he dropped her hand, shoving his own in his pockets. “I get it, believe me. There’ll be other times, other places. I can promise that.”

Ciprys hesitated, then went up on tiptoe to press a light kiss to his lips. She felt him stiffen against her for a split second before he leaned in, returning it. “I’ll hold you to it, spyboy.”

“Fly safe, flygirl,” the spy murmured, and clenched his fists to keep himself from reaching up to trace the smile that curved her lips. “See you around, Ciprys.”

“See ya, Shan.”

He watched her walk off, hands still shoved into his pockets. He still had no idea what the hell was going on - but he had a feeling he would enjoy finding out. Exhaling, he tossed the credits for their caf on the table and strode out after her.

She wasn’t the only one with a job to do.

[goshiikkuburcdo]

waxgentleman asked: Galdino can't really blame Buggy for not wanting to participate in these meetings, those two never spare him. He's always running too—doing the possible to not even cross in their field of view. His old boss for obvious reasons.. but in Mihawk case? Who wouldn't be afraid of the strongest swordsman of the entire earth? It's called being sane. Since all he had to do was to tell them about their monthly's income, he's obligated to attend instead of the clown. When Mr3 opens the door he's taken by surprise only seeing Mihawk there. That's feel somehow worse! The pressure in that room is killing him. "Oh Good evening!...................Actually—would you excuse me for a second? ga ne." He closes the door and immediately sounds of a muffled screaming can be heard. After a few minutes of whimpering, the artist enters the room again with tired eyes and a faint smile. "I see Crocodile didn't arrived yet—Buggy sadly won't be participating this time, ga ne. Would you like a heads up or do you prefer to wait, Mister Mihawk?" (HMM BIT LONGER THan I planned but i Hope it's alright!!🤝)

Of course it appeared no one else was going to take any of this seriously, despite having been so seemingly excited for this alliance. It should have come as no surprise that the clown was either too scared or too lazy to bother while Crocodile was happy enough to leave anything that irritated him to someone else to deal with.

This was the same type of redundant, tiring theater as he had dealt with during his time with the warlords. Truly it seemed nothing changed.

Finally though someone approached, eyes narrowed when eyes rested on neither clown nor Crocodile. Of course. While he was clearly irritated, there was a part of him that felt a bit of relief. Dealing with both those fools tended to end with him rubbing away a headache and medicating himself with a full bottle of wine in order to keep from swinging Yoru at them. Quickly though that relief was dashed when the man that approached faltered and squealed while attempting to stall and hide.

"I prefer not to have my time wasted. If you speak for them, then speak already." He stated, clearly ignoring the muted whines coming from the man. If they were to wait, it would be all night. Mihawk didn't have that amount of patience for this. "Perhaps you will retain this little job if you can prove your reliability. Clearly they cannot. Just, stop shrieking." Hopefully the offer of trust would relieve the man and create someone that could get something done. Someone he could actually deal with without wishing to walk into the ocean.

Mihawk settled back and waved a hand, inviting him to have a seat and get more comfortable. "Do I even want to ask what the clown's excuse is this time?" No, probably not. He loosed a dramatic sigh. "Lets move on. What are the numbers?"

[shibuyashotos]

"GWAHAHAHAHAHA! NOW YOU'LL TELL ME EVERYTHING!"

"Oh No!"

"Now tell me hero, tell me all of those deep secrets that your boss keeps. I know he trusts you enough to confide them to you."

"His secrets or the company secrets?"

"Don't stall!"

"Oh no I'm just asking for specifics. I'm not trying to stall or anything, honest!"

"The Company secrets then!"

"I... Well this is unfortunate but uh, ah, I ah... I don't know them."

"What do you mean you don't know them? Are you lying to me? You can't lie! You can only speak the truth!"

"Oh no I am telling you the truth, I don't know any of the company's secrets! 100% I don't know tit for tat about what my company keeps under wraps, but I can tell you that my boss has been planning a surprise of sorts for his wife and three daughters."

"...You're lying. That serum must've been a dud!"

"Ah no no no, i am not lying at all. Couldn't lie, can't lie, wouldn't even be able to lie to save my life. Go ahead, ask me anything. Test me."

"..."

"Listen man, If you were wondering about who ate your pudding last week, i heard one of your minions gloating about it the other day while I was snooping around the place."

"That dick!"

"Just five minutes ago you also broke wind and it smelled really awful, but I was gonna say nothing about it the entire time, maybe even blame the pudding guy however at the moment due to being injected with some weird serum that neither you nor i knew the effects of, I don't quite feel like lying about it to your face."

"Okay stop-"

"Oh and ah apparently as i've just now glanced over, again I really would like to say nothing and yet I feel that might be lying by way of inaction, you have a stack of unwatched movies-- Those are all bootlegs, don't bother with them."

"Alright you've proven your point, stop-"

"Ah right i just now realized too, see, the serum you injected me with isn't actually a truth serum. See that's a bold faced lie, something of which I can't do at the moment, by the person who sold it to you because they very clearly screwed up and really didn't want to die. I also feel the need to tell you that I've already broken out of my restraints and you're going to hate the part where I get my hands on you and show you why they're Rated E for Everyone."

The villain claims to have injected you with a truth serum. In reality the serum they injected you with only prevents you from lying and the villain will soon learn that not lying and telling the truth are two very different things.

[nokacchan]

Really Down Bad For You | Before School's Out | Lee Felix

pairing : lee felix x fem!reader

genre : fluff , student council!felix , frenemies to lovers , camping theme , mention of injury (nothing serious) , felix likes teasing reader for fun

≡;- ꒰ blurb ꒱ : lee felix has always been on your nerves no matter what he does. One fine day you find yourself in his arms after you sworn that you'll never let your guards down when you're around him.

w.c 4.6k

📎rei notes : this is my 1st submission (based on the voting after 48hrs) for Before School's Out Series!~ I hope you look forward to our next member submission, lee know~ see you guys around~ byebye

≡;- ꒰ masterlist ꒱

The date for your graduation was coming up soon. Since you are part of the student council club, they had organized a school camp, a way to celebrate and wind down after all, you are going to college and you aren't going to see a lot of your classmates.

"Yah! Felix!", you yelled as you pushed Felix's hand away from your hair. He let out a chuckle. You glared at him as you adjusted your messed up ponytail.

The two of you are part of the student council. Highly hand picked by your principal. Felix is the council president while you are the vice council president, aka his personal assistant as what he likes to call you.

He had this habit of bossing you around. Name any female student council member that you complain to about him but all their answer would be for you is that he likes you. You obliviously didn't believe it. You took it as him just trying to be an annoying friend.

"you're going right?"

"Yup. If I didn't go, you'll probably have gone insane by the end of camp"

Felix laughed at your response. You weren't wrong about that part. Your eyes still focused on arranging the forms for the school camp. He smiled unknowingly as he watched your side profile.

He knew about the rumors that have been

circulating the whole school. He wasn't against it because they were technically correct. He does have a huge crush on you, it's that he didn't tell you about it.

You being the vice council president did give him more reason to be close with you and more excuses to start a conversation.

It was just that his way of showing that he likes you is by teasing you. He likes seeing you get annoyed whenever he disturbs you for fun. It was no harm since you weren't too bothered or offended by it. The two of you were reputable known as frenemies by your other peers.

Eventually the day of the camp came by. The first day of camp went well as planned. You and Felix got to shoot each other with the water guns during one of the water activity games that you guys planned.

When the night had fallen, everyone headed back to their respective cabin. And you hated it. Why? Your roommate for the camp was an enemy of yours, her name is Eunbi.

Neither did you nor Felix have control over who shared the cabin with who. Felix was the only lucky one who got a cabin all to himself. It's his perks of being the student council president.

All you wanted was to rest up for the night and enjoy your time at camp. However, Eunbi was making everything so difficult for you.

Your small fights escalated from talking about not liking each other to...you guessed it, Lee Felix.

"You're stealing him away from me", she exclaimed.

You rolled your eyes at her. You were annoyed by her never ending claim that you were stealing felix away from her. No one owns him. And it wasn't as if Felix was dating her in the first place.

"You're spouting nonsense again, Eunbi", you let out a sigh.

"UGH! I hate you, get out", she groaned as she tried to push you out of the cabin. You huffed in frustration.

Taking your phone, torch and a jacket with you. You headed out of the cabin. Hoping to cool down and head back when Eunbi falls asleep.

But it turns out, she locked you out of your own cabin. Isn't she a menace to society. Yeah...

You looked at the time and it was past midnight, there was no way the teachers were still awake.

You sighed in defeat. As you walked down the pathway, your torchlight suddenly goes dark, causing you to trip on a rock, scrapping your knee at the same time. You let out a groan as you made your way to sit by the dimly lit up lake.

'you stupid ass b—', you muttered under your breath as you looked down at your scrapped knee.

"Y/n? Is that you?", a voice called out.

You turned to look at where it came from. Only to see felix. He had his torchlight pointing at you, a blanket in his hand he had hung up outside a couple hours ago.

You waved lazily in response. Not wanting to bother him. He walked towards you. He stood in front of you.

When the cold air blew, you hissed quietly at the burning pain of your knee. Felix immediately noticed, he shone down his light to look at your leg.

"Why didn't you head back to your cabin? It's cold out here", Felix's brows furrow as he draped the blanket on your shoulder. Making sure it was keeping you warm in the freezing temperature, despite having a jacket on.

You shook your head. Pulling the blanket draped across your shoulders closer.

"It's nothing. You should head back", you looked away from him.

"I'm only going back, if you're going back. Let's go to my cabin first, I have a first aid kit. I'll get you patched up then I'll send you back to your cabin", he stuck his hand out, waiting for you to accept it.

You sighed in defeat as you held his hand. Letting him drag you along with him, back to his cabin.

"aren't you going to tell me, what you were doing outside, this late?", he raised his brows at you. You let out a sigh. Felix moved to sit beside you on his bed.

"Eunbi locked me out after we got into a fight", felix brows furrow at your answer.

"about what?"

"it's stupid...", you grunt. Felix looked at you, his expression of 'just tell me'. You looked down at your lap.

"You. Eunbi likes you and she says I'm stealing you away from her", you mumbled. It was so embarrassing to tell him.

Felix let out a chuckled which now made your brows furrow. You didn't understand why he laughed, well that was until he explained the next part.

"She isn't wrong. You stole my heart", he pinched your cheek, a grin on his lips.

Your cheeks heat up, feeling flustered. You can't deny the fact that this man was smooth as heck with his words.

"So, wanna prove her theory correct?", Felix added on.

Well guess who has a boyfriend now? yes you. Now, the only thing you have to worry about is how you are going to respond to the teachers when they find out you slept over in felix's cabin.

The end.

© nokacchan 2022

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— likes/reblogs/feedbacks are greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading<3

[nefelibata-cloud]

𝕦𝕟𝕖𝕩𝕡𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝕓𝕒𝕓𝕪𝕤𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕡𝕥 𝟙

summary: child!/toddler!reader is somehow teleported into the world of teyvat unexpectedly and some members of the world are forced to become babysitters.

genre: fluff/crack

warnings: gender neutral pronouns used, traveler is featured, couldn’t decide whether they should be Aether or Lumine so I’ve kept them gender neutral, zhongli slander, not really edited

featuring: xiao, zhongli

words: 1,500+

other: pt 2, pt 3, pt. 4

XIAO

        He was walking back to Wangshu Inn after demolishing some demons when you came running towards him, almost tripping over your own two feet. 

        “Xiao!” you chirp enthusiastically as you jump into his arms.

        You had pronounced his name wrong, but seeing as you looked no older than 4, he didn’t bother to correct you. Instead he asked, with much confusion in his tone “Who are you? And how do you know my name?”

        “I’m y/n, and boss lady told me to find you! I need help finding my world.”

        “Your world?”

        “Yes! Boss lady said you could help me get back!”

        “Verr Goldet?”

        “Yes!”

        He sighs. I’m not the person for this. He teleports you both to Wangshu Inn, where he sets you down to stand on the balcony before walking in to talk to the female owner of the Inn.

        He had assumed you would just stay there and play with Richie the dog, but instead you came running towards him and attached yourself to one of his legs.

        Shocked, he looks down at you with wide eyes. “What are you doing, human? Why are you clinging to me?”

        “Because you’re cool and I’m making you my Teyvat dad!”

        You had pronounced “Teyvat” slightly off, but neither Xiao, nor Verr Goldet (who was watching amusingly) bothered to correct you.

        “I can’t be your dad, I-“

        He stops once he realizes that your eyes are starting to well up with tears.

        “Fine, I guess you can call me that until we get you back to your parents.”

        “Yay!” you cheer, pulling away from his leg and jumping and dancing around a bit before you extended your open palm to him.

        He continues to make his way towards Verr, when you shout “Dad!”

        His golden eyes widen before he turns his head slowly to look at you. “What?”

        “Hold my hand!” you demand grumpily. 

        He sighs. This is going to be a long day. He walks back the full three steps he had taken and grabs your hand. Then together you approach Verr’s desk.

        “Well, hello there,” she smiles. “What can I do for you?”

        You tug on Xiao’s hand and motion for him to pick you up, and he does so (not without a sigh though). “Verr-“

        “Can I have some juice, please?”

        “Sure, y/n!” Verr chirps. “What kind would you like?”

        As you tell her your favorite juice, Xiao contemplates who he should go to for help on traversing worlds. The Traveler did mention at one point that they use to travel world after world with their sibling, maybe I should find them.

        “And Adeptus Xiao?” Verr asks.

        “Have you heard anything about the Traveler’s whereabouts?”

        “Last I heard they were walking around Huaguang Stone Forest, something about helping Cloud Retainer with something.”

        “Thank you.” He begins to turn around.

        “Be careful.”

        He walks up the stairs towards his balcony and once there he tells you “hold on” before he teleports to Cloud Retainer’s abode.

        Luckily enough, the Traveler was indeed with Cloud Retainer.

        “Hey, Xiao,” the Traveler greets. Paimon chirping an echoing greeting.

        “And what business does the Conqueror of Demons have here at one’s abode?” Cloud Retainer asks.

        “Woah! The pretty bird talks!” you chirp with wide and curious eyes, pointing towards the adeptus.

        “Insolent child! One is no mere ‘pretty bird!’ How dare-“

        “Woah! Woah!” Paimon nervously interrupts. “Why don’t we let them explain?”

        There’s a moment of silence. “Very well, explain.”

        Xiao explains the situation to the other three.

        “Oh, well I used to traverse world after world with my sibling before we were trapped here.” The Traveler approaches you. “Hey, what’s your name?”

        “Y/n, are you gonna separate me from Dad?”

        “Dad?” Paimon asks.

        Xiao looks away. “They insisted on referring to me as their father.”

        “Are you sure?” Paimon teases.

        Eventually, after a long day of discussing ways to get you home, the group finally came up with a plan they think will work. You had long fallen asleep in Xiao’s arms, and, though he would never admit it, he was a little sad that you would be leaving shortly. 

        You woke up right as they finished setting everything up. “Am I going home now?”

        The Traveler nods.

        Teary eyed, you give your Teyvat father one last hug. “Can I come see you again?”

        “When you’re older, and you can travel worlds by yourself.”

        “But you’ll wait for me, right? You’re not gonna leave me?”

        “Yes, if you can’t find me, just wait at Wangshu Inn and call my name.”

        You squeeze him tighter before pulling away and walking through the portal they opened, waving one last goodbye. “Love you, Dad! See you soon!”

        He waves goodbye, not saying anything.

        Just as you were about to step through, Cloud Retainer stops you. “Y/n, take this.” She hands you something. “This portal will remain open in my abode. With this, you may enter and leave the world of Teyvat at you please.”

        Your eyes outshine the sun. “Really? Thank you!” You jump on the adeptus and hug her tight before running towards Xiao. “Look!” you say, holding up the object. “Now I can see Dad whenever I want!”

        A ghost of a smile appears on the adeptus’ face. 

       “And us too!” Paimon cheers.

        You completely ignore her statement and hug Xiao again, initiating a few complaints from her. 

        When you pull away, you say “okay, well, I should probably go home now, bye bye!” 

        With that, you finally walk through the portal and return safely to the exact same spot you had been when you entered the world of Teyvat. 

ZHONGLI

        You had been playing in your room, and when you blinked, you looked up to see a man as confused as you were. 

        “What curious,” he says ponderously. 

        “Wow, you’re old.”

        A punch to his pride. 

        “Hey Grandpa, have you seen my mom?”

        “Grandpa?”

        “Yes, now have you seen my mom?”

        “Uh, no, I have not.”

        You look around. “Hey, where am I?”

        “This is the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.”

        “Ew, so there’s like...dead people here?”

        “Well... yes. How did you get here?”

        You shrug. “I don’t know, I was just playing in my room and when I looked up, I was here.” You look around some more. “Hey, wanna play hide and seek?”

        “We should focus on-” but before the retired archon could complete his sentence, you’re already already running off. 

        He sighs. I guess I can indulge in a game for a moment. “Alright, I’ll count to 20.” He closes his eyes and begins counting as he hears your little feet shuffling around. He reaches 20 and hears silence. “Alright, here I come.”

        When he opens his eyes and turns around, you’re nowhere to be found. He begins searching for you, behind the plants and the desks and the coffins. He can’t find you anywhere.

        He’s about to admit defeat when he hears your giggle. 

        He approaches the direction of the sound. He gets closer, when suddenly, you lift the lid of a coffin and peak your head out. “Boo!” 

        Startled, Zhongli’s eyes widen. “What are you doing in there?” He asks, picking you up from under your shoulders and lifting you out. 

        You just continue giggling, and when he sets you down, you run off again. “Again! Again, Grandpa!”

        He sighs. 

        The two of you have played several rounds, even Hu Tao has joined you. 

        “Y/n, would you please stay out of the coffins?” He tiredly asks. 

        “But it’s fun!”

        “Please.”

        “C’mon!” Hu Tao says. 

        “Not you too,” he groans. 

        Eventually, he manages to persuade you to go outside. 

        You ooh and ahh as you step out into Liyue Harbor with Hu Tao and Zhongli in tow. “This is way better than my room!”

        “Speaking of which, how did-?”

        “Where are you from?” Hu Tao asks. 

        “Not from this world,” you say. “You guys dress so weird here, especially you, Grandpa.”

        Yet another blow to his pride. “Well, comparatively you are also dressed strangely, y/n.”

        You shrug before running off, forcing him to chase after you. You stop at several shops, asking questions about items, and Zhongli is surprised that you’re actually listening when he is giving his history lessons, unlike Hu Tao, who has long vanished. 

        “Woah! That’s so cool!” You continue walking around Liyue Harbor, stopping at each shop and learning new and interesting things. Soon enough, people start mistaking you two for actually being related. 

        By some miracle, he remembers to bring mora and you two eat dinner together at the restaurant of your choosing (not without listening to his recommendations and attached lectures). 

        Night falls, and you fall asleep in Zhongli’s arms. Without waking you, he takes the two of you back to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, gently placing you on a couch, he smiles, caressing your sleeping head. 

        “Today went different than how I had anticipated,” he whispers. “But I thoroughly enjoyed it. Tomorrow, we will find a way to get you back to your home world.”

        He watches you warmly, before getting up and sitting at his desk to get to the papers he was not able to work on today. After making a small dip in the stack of papers, he looks up as you’re drearily waking up. 

        “Grandpa? What time is it?”

        “Past your bedtime, go back to sleep. I’ll stay here, I’ve got paperwork to do.”

        You yawn. “Okay, when can I go home?”

        “We’ll figure that out tomorrow, dear. In the meantime, get some rest.”

        “Alright,” you say through a yawn, before curling back up in the couch and falling asleep again. 

        In the morning, you and Zhongli get breakfast and then seek the help of the Traveler and some of the adepti. Together, they manage to find a way to get you back to your own world. 

        “Maybe, I can come back?” you hesitantly suggest. 

        “As long as you stay out of the coffins, you can visit me whenever,” Zhongli says. 

        “Wait till you’re older though, to travel I mean,” the Traveler says. “You don’t want to accidentally end up in the wrong world and be stuck there.”

        “Okay!” You chirp. 

        With that, you give Zhongli a hug and a kiss on the cheek before waving goodbye to the others. “Thank you! Bye! See ya later!”

        And with that, you’re gone and back in your bedroom. 

[effypcfc]

MADE A SHORT FANFIC INSPIRED BY THIS FANART!!!

============================================

Amity Blight is sitting alone in her room. Constantly bothered by her growing feelings for Luz Noceda, her human friend, who has recently helped her get her job at the library back, who she then rewarded with a kiss to the cheek, she does the one thing she can think of to process the whole thing.

Checking the hallways to see that neither Edric nor Emira are close by, she then closes her door, grabs a vial of abomination goo, casts a spell circle, and shapes two small blobs of goo into the likeness of herself and Luz. She then tries her best to imitate Luz's voice, making both figures talk to each other.

"Oh, Amity, your hair's different!" "Yeah, I thought I could use a change," She says, alternating between her usual speaking voice and her mock Luz voice. "It suits you. Makes you look prettier." Coyly, Amity then says "Aww, thanks," brushing her own hair behind her ear. "Thank you for saving my life the other night." Amity then makes Luz's figure kiss her figure on the cheek, imagining what could have been if the tables were turned. She was looking back to when she lost all inhibition that moment. That evening, being moved after realizing that Luz genuinely cares for her and wanted to make up for getting Amity fired from the library, after she helped her sneak into the Forbidden Stacks and getting caught by Malphas, the master librarian, her boss.

Emira, walking into Amity's room, noticing her play with both figures, teasingly greets "HEY MITTENS!"

Amity, blushing furiously, shrieks in surprise and embarassment.

"So, Luz, huh?"

Amity nods in resignation. It's not like she can lie about it anymore. Emira has caught her red-handed. She must have also overheard Amity's poor impression of Luz's voice on the way in, so there's no coming back from that now…

Emira then tells her "Who would have thought, just a couple months ago, you were being so mean to her, and now look at you, head over heels for this human girl. You even kissed her!"

Amity, flustered, sighs deeply in annoyance, then tells her sister "Yeah, I know that! But now… I can't stop thinking about her without catching myself smiling like an idiot." She then disintegrates both figures back into goo, and directs it all back into the vial.

"Though she has a thing for getting in trouble again and again, she's… genuinely nice. Nice to me, Willow, Gus too. Genuinely nice, unlike the other girls I'm friends with at school. I can't stop thinking about the next time we hang out together again. I can't stop thinking about wanting to hug her. I've never felt this way about anyone, ever! I'm Amity Blight, top student at Hexside... or, at least, I was. Still, I shouldn't be freaking out over this. I've faced a slitherbeast and lived, why does admitting my feelings for Luz feel this scary?"

"Just do it. Tell her how you feel. Just think, she may eventually have to go back to the Human Realm. You might not get another chance," Em says in reply.

"I know that," said Amity. "I will, in time, before she goes home. I gotta build up my courage first. Play it carefully, plan it out, you know…"

"I understand. Sometimes though, things like this don't need too much planning. You just let this girl know. You walk up to her, maybe on a good day, and tell her 'Hey, Luz! I like you, I like hanging out with you, and I think we should go out together, for real, this time. Do you wanna be my girlfriend?'" says Emira, giving Amity ideas, at the same time, flustering her at the thought of asking Luz to be her girlfriend. "Then, just hope for the best!" she adds.

Both girls have not noticed the open balcony door in Amity's room. Hooty then shoots up from the ground, and enthusiastically calls out to Emira. "HI-YA, BLIGHT SISTER!"

In one swift motion, Hooty then opens his mouth wide enough, darting straight for Amity before she has a moment to respond, and swallows her whole, rendering her unconscious instantly within Hooty's belly. Emira then shrieks in horror.

Belching loudly, Hooty then tells Emira "Mind if I borrow Amity for a bit? She'll be alright, I promise." Em nods in agreement, hands covering her mouth, too horrified to speak.

Hooty then slithers backwards towards the owl house, with a noticeable bulge in his serpentine midsection where Amity is, currently.

All within the span of less than an hour, Hooty makes his way to the house's basement, then regurgitates an Amity-sized owl pellet, a typewriter, and several tiny postcards. He places one of them on the machine, then types:

As we stumble through life gloom knows no bounds. You'll only find love when you're in the ground.

Hooty then pauses, realizing how morbid that sounds. He then turns the note backwards, then adds:

P.S. I mean the basement!

Love, HOOTY

He types one more letter, then speeds up to Luz's bedroom, leaves the note on the floor, knocks on her door, overhearing Luz gush about her desire to ask Amity out, all while fearing rejection, worrying she might find her too cheesy. He then disappears back into the basement, adding the finishing touches to his grand scheme to get the two lovebirds together…

the lumity kiss was perfect!! :D

[astrxlis-archive]

Idk what compelled me to write something but here's my gift 🙈:

Xiao.

— He never fails to send you little trinkets as gifts on his own birthday. Even if he's the celebrant, no gifts of his could amount to how he's grateful to have you. It was a small, yet a sweet gesture of love. Last year, he thought you looked lovely with crystal cores as accessories. This year, he got you some starconches. It's neither its beauty nor it's rarity captured the interest of the vigilant yaksha. Silly enough, Xiao might be using it as an excuse to write to you.

Do you know? Do you know that Xiao always think of you? In everywhere he go, in everything he do, his thoughts will always sail back to the sea of you, like a voyager always returning to the breeze of a certain ocean, for he finds the said waters itself as the treasure many sailors long to find.

Sometimes, when he's all alone at the rooftop balcony of Wangshu Inn, he'll gaze at the scene of nature presented in front of him, recollecting your conversations where you've mentioned that you find beauty in it, as well as the "ridiculous" mortal beliefs about it. He wanted to ask you more regarding it, but he doubt that he even deserves answers from an angel like you— so he hesitated.

He gazes at the moon who lights up the night unconciously smiling to himself as his heart flutters, recalling a joke you pulled on him before:

"The moon is beautiful tonight, isn't it?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Hehe, I suggest you find it out yourself, Xiao."

"Hmpf. Alright."

Little did you know, Xiao courageously confronted Verr Goldet in regards to this phrase you told him the next day. He surprisingly teleported in front of the desk where Verr Goldet manages.

"Oh, Xiao! What brings you here?"

With arms crossed, Xiao inquired, "Tell me... What does the phrase 'the moon looks beautiful tonight, isn't it?' means?"

The Wangshu Inn's boss lets out a chuckle mischievously, with a culprit in mind (which is you :3c).

"Well, Xiao... It is said by a person confessing their feelings to you."

Xiao displays a confused expression as Verr Goldet carefully explains the meaning of the phrase to him.

"It's another way of saying 'I love you' to a person you like," she ends with a wink to the young man infront of her.

Oh.

The vigilant yaksha got flustered instantly in a second and teleports somewhere secluded to hide his flushed face. Heh, of course. Verr Goldet knows what's up between you two. She shakes her head and resumes working. "Ah, young love."

— happy birthday, xiao! <3 🍰.

i don't know what compelled you to write either but please let it know i am GRATEFUL. i have been FED on this fine monday afternoon 🙏🥹

the fact xiao braved the teasing verr will probably unleash upon him just to figure out what you were trying to tell him through a seemingly random phrase– and the fact he knew it meant more than what was being said 👀

thank you so much for sharing this piece, i loved reading it!! 🥰🥰

i've tagged it with the tags i use for my own writing (except the specific ones for me) so it gets more exposure (because you absolutely deserve it), but i can untag if it bothers you, just let me know! 💕

[nat-20s]

Part two of the Web!martin fic that was only supposed to be this one shot! Enjoy a bitch v bitch lunch date (also on Ao3)

~*~

While Jon’s hardly had somewhere that could be called a home in..years, now, he still finds himself taking comfort in a return to some level of familiarity. He’d always suspected he was never one much for travel, and even though a literally nightmarish work trip isn’t the best thing to base his judgment on, he thinks the sheer level of worn and weary he’s feeling would be present nonetheless. All this to say, the sight of the cab pulling up to take him back to the illusion of safety known as his flat is a welcome one indeed.

Or, it is until he’s thrown his bag on the seat and settled in. Of course the driver with a somewhat familiar voice decides to speak up after he’s sat down. “Hello, Jon!”

He allows himself the indulgence of one very soft, very earnest, “Fuck,” before pasting on a neutral expression. “Martin.”

“Oh, good, you remember me.”

Jon’s..not sure whether or not that was supposed to be a joke, but it comes across more like he’s passed a test. “You do make quite the impression.”

“Huh. You’d be one of the few to think so.”

Jon rather doubts that, but then again, maybe with the company Martin tends to keep, eight eyes are easy to forget. He shudders at the thought, then tries to cover it up with bald-faced irritation. “Look, I hate to be a bother, but is there any possibility we could put off the kidnapping until tomorrow?”        

Jon can see Martin glance into the rear view mirror, and the edges of all his eyes crinkle up in amusement. It’d almost be cute, if it weren’t, you know, abjectly horrific. “Are you always so dramatic?”

    While he starts with a somewhat sarcastic “mm” as an acknowledge, Jon quickly changes gears to respond, “That seems like a bit of a pot/kettle assessment. What with said kidnapping.”

“Holy hell, Jon, I’m not kidnapping you. The doors are unlocked and the car’s not evening running.”

Sure enough, when Jon tries the handle, the door opens with ease. Huh. “So, what, you just wanted to chat?”

“Well, yes. You’re obviously free to leave, but I thought now that you have more information, you might want my statement?”

                                                                  God dammit all to hell, Jon is curious about what exactly Martin’s whole..deal is. And something that is neither entirely himself nor entirely removed from himself whispers about how it could be wonderfully invigorating. Still, Jon has his principals, as well as some very lovely visions of sleeping in his own bed within the next twenty minutes, so he replies, “I’ll be happy to take your statement at the  Magnus Institute. We have a rather established system in place for cases such as yours.”

Martin gives a bark of a laugh, then says, “Yeah, no, there’s no fuckin’ way I’m goin’ there.”

Jon absolutely does not feel any ort of defensiviness over the institute, but old habits die hard, and he ends up crossing his arms as he asks, “And why not?”

“Let’s just say I’m not exactly all that keen on your boss.”

Letting out a huff that he absolutely will not admit is bordering on a chuckle, he tells him, “Yes, well, that makes two of us.”

“Oh, good, because I’m actually trying to..”

Jon waits for something more, but instead of continuing the thought, Martin pivots to, “Anyway, I’m also not overtly fond of the company he keeps either.”

Martin’s tone is casual enough, but his shoulders are hunched in, and whatever eye contact that was happening via rear view mirror has been removed. If he had to hazard a guess, Jon would say that Martin’s scared, either of someone or something in particular. Not necessarily Elias, but definitely connected to him. How horribly intriguing. It’s rare that whatever Martin (and, maybe, himself?) is, shows fear like that. What on earth makes a servant of the spider in particular afraid.

Fuck. Fuck. Once again, his damned curiosity is going to send him with open eyes straight into an obvious trap. Well, if his life turns out to be a tragedy, at least he’s pinpointed the fatal flaw that led to his downfall. “Any..specific company in particular?”

“Jon. You have to know that you’ll need to come with me if you want the answer to that.”

Allowing himself a sigh that involves the whole of his body, Jon replies, “And where exactly would we  be going?”

“I was thinking lunch? You’re clearly knackered and I could really go for a bite.”

His first thought is how nice lunch sounds, followed immediately by remembering that Martin isn’t human. As far as he knows, “lunch” could be himself. “What, er, what kind of lunch?”

Martin waves his hand in an exasperated gesture, which doesn’t really seem like the kind of thing a cool level-headed master manipulator does, but what the hell does Jon know about that sort of thing. He never even faked a report card. “I don’t know, lunch lunch. The cafe I was thinking of has sausage rolls to die for, but I’d avoid anything with tuna.”

“Fine.”

“Finally.”

“I’m moving to the front seat first.”

The ride is awkward, silent, and blessedly short. Martin does, in fact, take them straight to a cafe that Jon’s never been in, but does at least recognize. This most likely is just..lunch. Huh.

Of course, his hackles are one again raised the second they enter and the barista waves eagerly at them. “Tommy! Welcome back, love. You drinks are on the table.”

Martin’s voice is immediately warm and familiar when he replies, “You’re the best, Petunia. Same booth as usual?”

“That dusty ol’ corner? No, no, it’s the one with the candles set on it. Thought you might like somethin’ a little brighter for the new boyfriend.”

Tucking a strand behind his ear and apparently blushing on command, Martin transforms his voice into something higher, squeakier, and wrapped in a giggle. “Oh my gosh, ‘Tunia. This is only, like, our second date. We are so not at the boyfriend stage yet!”

With a wave of her hand, she replies, “Sorry about that, didn’t mean to embarrass you,” in a way that clearly denotes she’s not sorry at all.

                                                                                                                                                            “Mmm. I guess I’ll forgive you, if your puff pastry is as good as always. And if you haven’t scared off Nate here.”

Martin glances over to him with a look of very convincing fake fondness, and while Jon’s rather thoroughly lost the thread, he’s still able to pull together, “No, I’m, ah, all right.”

Jon’s never considered himself one to succumb to butterflies. However, while his brain is more than aware of the current situational context, his stomach does something in response to Martin’s beaming smile and chirpy, “Great!” He wishes it was out of some sort of repulsion or fear, the proper alarm bells going off. It’s distinctly..not..that.

As soon as they turn from the barista, Jon shakes off whatever his body is doing right now, and leans slightly closer to Martin to whisper-ask, “Tommy?”

While nodding and matching Jon’s sotto voice, Martin tells him. “Oh yeah, I don’t go anywhere without a fake name and a cover story. Tommy Warchavchic’s a good kid, even if he’s prone to having his head in the clouds. He is also an excellent tipper, which is probably why Petunia is so friendly.”

“Huh. And Nate?”

“That was..admitted laziness on my part. Jonathan to Nathan to Nate.”

“Eugh. Okay, so why did ‘Tommy’ and ‘Nate’ have to be on a date? Couldn’t this have been a, ah, business meeting or something else less...less?”

Martin snorts in response, which can’t be a good sign. “Ha! No, Tommy’s an unemployed ‘screenwriter’ with rich parents, there’s no way he’s in a business meeting.”

Shoulders slumped, Jon says, “Good lord, he’s more intolerable than the ‘Martin’ persona.”

“Oi! What do you mean by that?”

Martin actually sounds a bit hurt, which is ridiculous both because, again, spider person and, “You always use a false identity, yes? Didn’t realize you were particularly precious about whatever one you’ve conjured around ‘Martin’.”

Martin straightens back up and averts his gaze away from Jon. They’d been speaking softly anyway, but the next sentence that comes out seems even quiter. “Martin’s been my real name since I was sixteen, Jon.”                                                                                                  

“Oh.”

Trying to shake off about three different levels of confusion, Jon strides over to their too small for two table, which does, in fact, have about four electric candles of varying sizes flickering away. There’s also a streaming drink placed in front of each chair. One is a sugar bombed monstrosity that Martin sits at, leaving him a cuppa with what looks like the exact right amount of milk. It may make his mouth water a little, but he’s going to take any rebellion against the web he can get. “My order’s wrong. I was going to get a coffee.”

Martin looks up at him with a raised, finishes taking off his satchel and hoodie (and revealing a well-fitting t-shirt that causes Jon to suppress the thought “Arms..” as rapidly as it had arrived), and tells him, “You hate coffee. You only drink it for a caffeine boost that doesn’t even work half the time and that you don’t need because you’ll be going to sleep almost immediately after this meeting. What you want is an Earl Grey bordering on scalding, with a generous amount of milk and three sugars, though when you make it yourself you only put in one.”

It’s bang on, but Jon has his own fair share of useless knowledge granted by a great fear power, so a drink order isn’t that impressive. Though he can’t help but wonder, “And you would know this how?”

“So full of questions, aren’t you? And I don’t know it, not really.  Data extrapolation is always a best guess rather than a certainty.”

“That’s a..rather specific best guess.”

Martin shrugs, then with hint of a smirk as he says, “Your tastes tend to be fairly consistent.”

If Jon never has to hear some cryptic bullshit like that again, it’ll be about two decades too late. Unfortunately, he is almost guaranteed to be hearing more for the next several minutes. Also, there’s no fucking way he’s drinking that tea. “Uh-huh. So what am I having for lunch?”

“Dunno. What do you want?”

“What, you haven’t ordered in advance, especially considering my consistent tastes?”

It’s meant to be obnoxious, perhaps even full-blown petulant, but instead it makes Martin smile, crinkling the edges of his eyes. “Unlike Jo-, sorry ‘Elias’, I’m not a mind-reader. And no, I can’t see the future either, though that is...closer to what my deal is. However, if I was putting money on it, I’d get you a sausage roll. That’s just run of the mill priming though, no spookiness involved.”

Somewhat haphazardly, Jon takes his glasses off and tosses them onto the table (that, again, is far too small, and makes their knees knock together) in order to put his face in his hands and groan. “I really hate that word.”

Martin’s cheerful “I know!” (probably) can’t cause him physical harm, but Jon’s headache goes from background noise to pulsating in an instant. Not bothering with a response, Jon takes a moment to  simply sit in the silence and the dark. When he finally musters up the strength to lift his head, open his eyes, and replace his glasses, Martin’s frowning at him. “You’re not drinking your tea.”

“No I am not.”

“Did I get your order wrong? I was pretty confident on that one.”

“I’m not pretty confident that you didn’t add something extra to it.”

Martin immediately responds, “What, like, four sugars instead of three? A non-dairy milk? It’s secretly English Breakfast?”

When Jon doesn’t engage, Martin stares for a few seconds, squints, and then rolls his eyes. “Oh! My god!”

In a flash, Martin has grabbed Jon’s mug, taken a gulp, and set it back down on Jon’s side. “See, no effe-,” Martin cuts himself off and puts a hand to his throat, making low budget 80s horror film choking noises. “Help!- they- they did it, they added the poison just like I asked- you caught me- and now I’ll paaaay--”

Martin drops the act with a rapid fire, “Fuck off, why would I try to kill you. Especially with something as lame as poison in tea? What am I, a hackneyed spy thriller?”

          “This may come as shock to the person who works for a god of manipulation, but I neither know nor trust why you do anything. Also, you could have an antidote.”

“You watch too many movies-,”

“-I really don’t-”

“-and besides. I’ve told you my motivations. We’re going to save the world. Fat lot of good it’d do to work with a corpse.”  

“Hmmph. Would’ve thought you be a more convincing liar.”

Martin shrugs, and takes of sip of the drink that’s about 40% whipped cream. “I’m an incredibly convincing liar. Telling the truth convincingly is somewhat more of a struggle, especially when dealing with stubborn archivists determined to hate you right off the bat.”

“I think the stubborn archivist is actually being quite personable, given the circumstances.”

“Look, I get it. I’m strongly associated with the thing that almost killed you when you were eight. If you were dressed in a ship captain’s coat, I’d be tetchy around you too. But Gerry did give you the ‘colors’ metaphor, yeah? We are all but fingers on the arms of a many-limbed beast.”

Jon thinks that’s somewhat of a bullshit argument, firm in his belief that the web is a particularly insidious arm to willingly serve. And while he knows that many avatars are in a similar position to him, stuck due to circumstances, Martin seems to revel in his role. He should argue this further, but he’s gotten to the level of tired that almost allows him to sense of self-preservation. Instead, he changes the topic to something both more interesting and more (hopefully) neutral. “How do you know Gerry, anyway?”

Martin’s kept his additional eyes shut since they entered the café, but his human ones go wide before he looks down. Starting to fidget with the sleeve of his cup and blushing in a way that did not seem on command, Martin says, “Oh, I, uh. Um. I d-didn’t, really.”

Finally, Jon gets to have some fun. It’s been so long. “No?”

Seeming to recover a bit, but still not making eye contact, Martin shakes his head and says, “Nope. Can’t say we were all that familiar with each other.”

Faux indulgently, Jon says, “Right. Obviously. Weird that you don’t call him ‘Gerard’ though.”

Martin looks back up then, blush transforming into something more into of irritated flush as he says, “I’m starting to think that you’re fundamentally a bit of a bastard.”

“Starting to? Most people come to that conclusion after the first five minutes of conversation. Still doesn’t explain you use the nickname reserved for Gerry’s friends.”

With a wave of his hand, Martin says, “Please, Gerry considers anyone he can bum a cigarette off of a friend, it doesn’t..it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Oh yeah. That doesn’t sound like you two were familiar at all.”

“I…okay. We..ran into each other a few times. And may have um. Made out a bit at a New Years party. But we didn’t..I mean we were never…I mean I didn’t even know about the diagnosis until-“

Martin cuts himself off, then adds, “What happened to him? After everything?”

That expediently takes the wind out of Jon’s sails. “He’s..he’s gone. For good.”

Martin nods and Jon suspects he’s not really replying to him when he says, “That’s for the best. I was...”

Martin sighs, “We made a deal that I would burn his body. In the 12 hours it took to get access, someone had, um. Already taken some of his skin. So, um. Thank you, I guess, for finishing what I couldn’t.”

“O-oh. Yes, I..yeah it..it was the right thing to do.”                    

They have a moment of silence, both lost in a memory of a man that they should’ve had more time with, before Martin looks back at him and says, “So. Lunch or statement first?”

“I, ah. Think statement would be best.”

Martin takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Would you mind, er, Asking? It’ll make it easier for both of us.”

A tape that wasn’t previously there clicks on near Jon’s elbow, and he knows he’s ready. “Statement of Martin Blackwood, on his experience with the Web. Statement given live July 27th, 2018.

Martin, how did you become one of the weavers?”                                         

[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

An Inconvenient Affection - New Series Sneak Peek - [S. R. Series]

When a couples’ therapist is suspected of murdering his own patients, Y/N and Spencer must go undercover as a feuding married couple to draw him out.

A/N:  I’m so excited to be starting my second series. I’ve got the first few chapters written and the whole thing outlined already so I’m hoping to stick to a regular posing schedule. For this I’m sort of picturing a mid-seasons Spencer with a kind of switch energy, so it’s neither dom! nor sub! Spencer! 

I really hope you enjoy it, let me know if you’d like to be on the taglist, and as always, reblogs, comments, tags, and messages really keep me motivated and excited to write <3

Read Chapter 1 Here 

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Friends to Lovers, Smut, Fluff, Angst

Warnings: Cursing, Adult Themes, Smut in Later Chapters, Alcohol Consumption, Stalking, Adultery, Criminal Minds Typical Violence

Word Count: TBA (Roughly 10 Chapters)

“A married couple?!” Spencer all but shouts, the office is hardly soundproof and the rest of the team must’ve caught on by now. For the ‘smartest member of the team’ Spencer sure had some gaping holes in his foresight.

“You can’t be serious!”

He stands up from his chair, shaking his head in disbelief, starting to pace around the medium sized office to work off the nervous energy building in his chest.

“This is hardly outrageous Reid” Hotch states, making sympathetic but brief eye contact with Y/N before he pinches the bridge of his nose in an effort to restrain himself. “Yourself and Y/N already have a friendship to build on, she’s worked undercover many times and your memory should make it simple for you to integrate into the false narrative she can construct. Plus, you’re a non-threatening presence to an unsub like this. What else could you possibly need convincing of?” Hotch adds with exasperation, he’d mentioned all of that and more in his initial proposition but Spencer was still reluctant.

“If I’m really that repulsive I’m sure we can find someone else to play my husband Spence?” Y/N tries to joke but there’s something about the sentence that makes her stomach uneasy.

“No!” Spencer sits again with haste, looking between the two other agents, “No that’s not it, I just” he takes in a deep sigh, “I don’t know if I’ll be any good at this, I don’t want to ruin the investigation” he confesses and Hotch immediately shoots it down.

“That won’t be an issue, our unsub’s primary target will be Y/N. She’ll be the cheating partner, your role will mostly be following her lead which shouldn’t be too difficult”

Spencer might be great at acting after all. He lets his shoulders slump and his posture relaxes entirely as though his boss has just put all of his worries to rest. But that’s not what was bothering him. Not even close.

He’s had a stupid schoolboy crush on Y/N from her first day at the BAU. He’d like to think it had come later but he knew it had been almost instant. Her first day had been on Halloween 2 years earlier, he’d been explaining the historical origins of the holiday when Y/N corrected his pronunciation of the Irish word Samhain.

“It’s more like ‘Sah-whin’ than ‘Sam-hain’ in spite of its spooky origins it’s actually the current Irish word for November” she spoke up from her seat in the bullpen, setting up some stationary at the once empty desk next to Spencer’s.

“Y/N L/N,” she stood up outstretching her hand, “I guess I’m your new co-worker” she half-smiled, her nervous energy getting the better of her as he ignored her gesture and just looked at her palm instead.

“He’s just weird about touching” Emily reaches out to reciprocate the handshake, “I’m Emily Prentiss, it’s nice to meet you, this little guy here is Spencer Reid” she says as she places her hands on both of his shoulders and shakes him gently

“Dr. Spencer Reid” he corrects quickly, shooting her a tight lipped smile paired with an even more awkward half-wave.

“Oh, a doctor” she raises her eyebrows, “best not tell my Mom I work with a doctor or she’ll be hounding me to marry you” she cracks. It’s obviously a joke but Spencer can’t help but recall the conversation now and how prescient it feels.

“We can work out the details together if you think that’ll help you feel more comfortable?” Y/N reaches out her hand to touch his forearm to steady him in his seat. He’d grown so used to her casual touch by now that he barely noticed it. But this time, with his rolled up sleeve, feeling her fingertips against his bare skin it felt as though he was going to combust.

How was he going to be able to hide this childish infatuation if they had to masquerade as a married couple. What if she touched him literally anywhere else. She was a profiler too, of course she’d notice.

Read Chapter 1 Here

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Let me know what you thought about this sneak peek here <3

And let me know if you'd like to be on the tag-list, I'll be posting the first full chapter later this week!

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[redshiftsinger]

I'm just saying, I have no complaints if my boss asks me to do a task that's within my job description. Find you that particular bit of paperwork? Yep, getting right on that. Even if it's a royal pain in my ass, I might grumble about it like "this sucks, it's a shit day at work" but it IS my actual job.

Boss comes in and demands that I scrub the toilets, I'm gonna be like fuck no, that's neither my job nor a special mess I made by fucking up, go bother the janitor about it.

And doubly so if it's not even MY boss that's demanding I scrub the toilets, but a visiting manager from a company the one I work for is collaborating with.

Which is basically the situation with Izzy telling Lucius to scrub the barnacles. It's not his job and the orders aren't even coming from his actual boss.

“izzy is dedicated and hardworking and hates when people are lazy slackers” is such a funny interpretation to me bc when have we ever seen izzy work hard at anything aside from trying to tell other people what to do