#that needs context to make it funnier but i swear it is

[liesmyth]

@takiki16 tags on my post are too good not to be shared! The context is wild shit that legit happened in IRL football ⚽ that I need the Ted Lasso fandom to be aware of, because it'd make for excellent fic material:

the MANAGERS #the PERSONAL DRAMA#I KNOW that ted lasso is not designed to be an actual realistic show #I KNOW that this whole thing did in fact begin as a way to soft trap Americans into watching the Prem #to the point that JOSE FUCKING MOURINHO ACTUALLY HAD A PART IN THE ORIGINAL NBC AD #I do NOT want to change the vibe of the show at all #(but like…a dramedy about the EPL that REALLY wanted to roast some fuckers would perhaps…NOT look like ted lasso #if they wanted to start with the managers it would just be two middle aged idiots with BOILING beef #who had to be physically restrained from throwing hands every other game and have personally destroyed each others’ marriages

Okay WHO would Roy have managerial beef with. I vote Arteta. Actually as @elizabear suggests, it's funnier if it's one sided

He would also instinctively dislike Rob Edwards of Luton because Jamie once said he's the hottest manager in the EPL. Roy's annoyed and he doesn't know why. (Rob Edwards is very hot)

For an example of managers throwing hands... the Tuchel/Conte handshake

In fact here's a whole compilation of managers throwing hands.

Thank you for bringing up Mourinho! This is his ad, btw. "What do you WANT Ted?" lives in my mind rent-free

After much soul-searching I've decided Roy likes Mou a lot among all the managers he's played for. YES, he is a total cunt BUT

he's really fucking funny about it. Like, really.

he's never met a referee he didn't have beef with but most of all Anthony Taylor (as a Roma fan I have to agree with him on that)

the entire 2005 Chelsea team would've died for him. I've said this before, but there can't be a Frank Lampard in TL if Roy plays the box-to-box midfielder role, so this quote about Mourinho walking into Lampard naked in the shower to give him a pep talk? That's Roy. To me.

I can't even pick a quote among all the shit he's said about all the managers he's played against, but I especially enjoy when he used to be a bitch about Pep and Pep was like "I don't know her." It was like a one-sided crush dating back from their Barca days

#if they wanted it to be about the players the literal sky is the limit. WHATEVER the writers room can come up with#it cannot come CLOSE to the batshit drama that real Sockckckckcer Playahs have amongst each other#also intricate rituals. NOT ENOUGH INTRICATE RITUALS#when Jamie scored that free kick after getting permission to be a prick Dani should have kissed him with tongue

Here's some homoeroticism:

#but TO COME BACK TO OP’S POINT ABOUT ACTUAL GAMEPLAY#I want to see Coach Roy get red carded and have to sit in the stands for the next game cursing and swearing

He'd get, like, 3 red cards a season MINIMUM. Mourinho who. Here's Klopp losing it a bit. Here's Pep being passive aggressive as fuck. Pochettino from 2 days ago. Also from last weekend: De Zerbi's "I don't like 80% of referees in England" he's so right for this.

Manager Roy would get himself red carded the week before Richmond play Chelsea away. Totally accidental. So he doesn't have to have a lil cry about it.

#I want to see what it would take to get Zoreaux sent off#and then they have to stick Bumbercatch in goal and it turns out he has some Hyper Specific Phobia about the situation#he manages to save the team but his coping mechanisms for dealing with Forcible Keeper Phobia make up the comedy B-plot of the episode#

I want CLUB RIVALRY. dunno where Richmond actually physically is but imagine if they had derbies#Ted has to be made to understand that no coach - for THIS game we will not stop till we see BLOOD#Richmond wins but bc they are playing away the home fans actively are tossing crap at them as they celebrate on the pitch#also the sprinklers come on and it’s a bus full of soaked greyhounds on the ride home

They're in West London! Maybe they just fucking hate Fulham. Or Brentford.

Actually, I've thought long and hard about Richmond's derby rivalries. Semi-canon sources say they have a bit of a West London rivalry with Brentford BUT to me it doesn't make much sense because Richmond are supposed to have been mid-table in the Prem for years, top-flight but mediocre. Brentford only made it to the Prem in 2021.

Actually, I've decided that Richmond kind of take the place of QPR for most of their history, except they didn't get relegated when QPR did. This is because 1) it'd be too many London-based clubs otherwise but, more importantly, 2) when Man City won their first title in 2012 with Agueeeeeero!!! that was against Richmond. It's funny, To Me.

Also you know Roy still fucking hates Newcastle from his Sunderland academy days. If his pundit career had lasted longer he'd be having top tier shithousery with Alan Shearer every week about it.

Anyway here's a whole youtube playlist about WILD derbies.

#ALSO BC SUAREZ IS COMING TO MIAMI - BITING INCIDENTS CAN THEY DO THAT

As an Italian I am legally obliged to SAY that if Suarez hadn't bitten Chiellini at the World Cup we would have gone past the group stage because Uruguay scored off a corner they won while Italy were all busy telling the ref that there was a fucking cannibal on the pitch. I don't forgive and I don't forget.

Anyway for context: cannibal Luis Suarez. He's a repeat offender. Someone at Richmond would think it was very funny

[marshmallowprotection]

Mystic Messenger 7th Summer Event

I was on the money with my speculation. I was right on the money and there is nothing you guys can do to stop me from talking about this photo in its entirety. Oh, my God. I am frothing at the mouth at this very moment because Cheritz gave me everything I could have ever wanted in a photo.

It's Ray DRESSED as Unknown, and that is someone I never saw coming.

See, I have egg on my face because they said Ray in their post last night and I never thought they were going to throw this at me. That's because they've never done something like this before. Usually, when he is mislabeled, it's just one of those things that happen now and again because of marketing or trying to avoid spoilers, but in this case, they actually went out of their way to bamboozle me.

I never could have expected something like this. I am most definitely not complaining because this isn't something I didn't know I needed in my life. Unknown and Ray are my favorites so the fact that they are combined in this situation is sending me. I didn't know I needed this but I'm happy that I have it.

On that note, does anybody have commissions open because I need more Idol Ray in my life? I want my MC to be in the audience cheering him on with a penlight.

When I tell you guys I cried when I saw this, I am not kidding about that. I cried. There are a lot of reasons why I cried and we'll get into that in a second. First I think we need to appreciate this for what it is. I think this is the first time in a long time my speculation has been 100% accurate.

This photo is split into three different parts just as I expected it would be, Rika is trying to pedal the soda, and V is in his believer robes which I joked about because the color was accurate but I wasn't sure if they would actually go through with it, and Ray painted his fingernails and that's sending me to Heaven.

V cannot believe what he is seeing. Need I remind everybody in this fandom that his mother was a musician and knowing that fact makes this a hell of a lot funnier when you consider this was Rika's plot. I would not put it past her to have thought about using music as a ploy to mess with him, not only because it's something they shared with her love of Zen, but because she wants to use everything she has against V.

The context in this situation is amazing. I don't know if any of you have seen the new Twitter thread but I'm going to share it with you.

[Link]

When I tell you guys I screamed, I mean it. I screamed because Ray was so smug when he said he has a cute face. That was a lot of confidence in a short amount of time, and if he looked at me after saying that, I would have melted and done anything he told me to do. I mean, I would already do that in general, he knows what I am.

She literally decided out of the blue that she was just going to sell him out because he has a cute face. I mean, she's not wrong, but that's such a Rika thing to do. After all, it's not the first time she pushed him into being an idol.

So, what I'm going to say here is a little silly. I have to tell all of you the implication of what this photo means. This is Ray and he is dressed as Unknown. He has no means to be able to dress that way without us helping him.

That means the MC is the one that chose his wardrobe for him.

That means we are the ones who looked at him and his princely attire and decided he needed to look like he just walked out of Hot Topic. See, my favorite type of character is a toss-between princely and edgelord, so that's even funnier to me. Saeran Choi is my full package deal when it comes to aesthetics, I swear.

I wouldn't want to change Ray out of his magenta coat to dress like Unknown. Well, I say that, but if I tell him to wear that and he takes off the jacket, then I can put it on... oh, yes. That's the best way to get a boyfriend's sweater.

But it is the single-handed thought that the MC is the one that put him in this outfit that is sending me to another plane of existence. Can you imagine doing that to him? Because that is way more funny to me than the idea that Ray chose to wear that himself. But it is always possible that he did choose to wear it himself because he often says that his taste and clothes are nothing like the outfit Rika gave him.

I also need to point out that that tattoo would have had to have been drawn on with Sharpie or temporary ink. He doesn't have the tattoo in Another Story. That is a fact that a lot of people get confused about despite the fact that we are shown a visual of him in the shower that proves he doesn't have a huge tattoo.

I suppose you could read this as a bonus AU where in some universe, Ray is the one who gets the tattoo first... which, ouch, I don't know if I can handle that... "I proved myself, body and mind, to my Savior so it isn't possible she'll throw me away. If I brand myself with the cause of Mint Eye... I'll... I'll be safe."

But, what that also implies is that there is a picture of him with that tattoo drawn in some capacity lingering in his room at Magenta. It also means that despite the fact that he and Suit Saeran inevitably disappear after not being able to live up to the potential the Savior wants them to, Unknown stumbles across that design.

Ray: QUICK, I HAVE TO DESIGN SOMETHING EDGY FOR THIS OUTFIT.

Ray: A dragon!

Ray: ME for Mint Eye!

Ray: This certainly won't effect anything later in life!

Two and a Half years later...

Unknown: I don't know who designed this tattoo but it's sick. I need it on my body.

It is so gut-wrenchingly painful for me to think about that. It means that a piece of Ray still exists. Unknown does not even know where that tattoo came from nor does he know who designed it. Because he doesn't get to know Ray one-on-one since I personally believe he isn't Suit Saeran. I view Unknown and Suit Saeran as separate people, after all.

The reason why he has the tattoo is because Ray drew it. I have long wondered where he came up with the idea for the tattoo, and it turns out it wasn't Unknown at all. Ray was the one who drew it and I don't know what to do with that information other than cry.

The Savior only gave him a short amount of time to figure out how to be an idol and he said I'm going to have a tattoo. Sure, should we just assume this is an Easter Egg and the artist might not have known all the details involved in the story of Mystic Messenger? Sure, you can think that, but for the sake of my enjoyment, I'm going along with the theory that I'm right, lol.

That's something that an idol has. Ray says. He draws a sick dragon and a twisted ME. That tattoo is so large and ridiculous, but I love it dearly. Ray, honey, You Are My Forever Babe. But I don't know what to do with you sometimes.

[If you want to know how I think Unknown gets the tattoo, I have a post on that.]

Rika looks amazing here and there is no lie about that. I actually really like the outfit she's wearing even though we can't see a lot of it. It speaks to a music festival because of how simple but trendy it appears. She's trying to be that friendly face that can do no wrong. She wants you to buy her homemade soda, and you should do that.

You should do that right now. It's good for you. There's nothing wrong with it.

A little bubbly soda won't hurt you. What do you mean it's burning your throat as we speak? It's not doing that at all! You're just excited by the electric energy of this concert! Drink more soda! I think the important question to ask ourselves here is how many cans of soda did she bottle and does she think it's going to work out as well as she thinks it does?

I don't think we need to talk about the fact that she is wearing a cross necklace. I don't want to unpack her religious trauma right now. I don't have time to do that right now but I will say it made me laugh my ass off. On a side note, her hair looks good here and I'm jealous of it.

This man looks like his soul just left his body.

I don't know what he's thinking at this very specific moment in time but I know he's not happy to realize that Rika has decided to sell out Ray as an idol. I mean that's probably the last thing he expected to happen. But, it makes sense, Rika loves music and if she thought it would work, she would absolutely push Saeran, Ray, Unknown, etc, into doing that for her. But, it hurts to think about V... to think about those complicated feelings he holds about his mother...

He kind of wanted to learn how to play the violin to get closer to his mother... He's already got complicated feelings about musicians and I don't know if his adopted son here being an idol is doing much good for him. It reminds me of the bad ending in the RAE.

He wasn't particularly comfortable in that situation either and this just reminds me of that. Which is a shame, because that ending is so horrible. It is one of the worst endings that you can get in this entire series.

I don't think we need to get into that in general, but just know that if you want to hurt yourself, aim to get that bad ending. If I can say nothing else, I'm really happy to see his long hair because I think it's the most attractive aesthetic for him. I've always liked that style on him a lot more than the traditional one. I don't know what it is about that look for him but it just works. He's like a wet kitten in a cardboard box.

I can't believe she decided to hold the concert at 7:00 p.m. I mean, I can most certainly believe she would do that, but it feels like spitting in Ray's face. Why would you do that, Rika? I know it's just a cute little Easter egg to remind us of his brother but oh my God that's awful.

I don't think anybody I've seen talking about this has pointed it out but the background colors are literally the same as Ray and V's hearts. It's the magenta and teal hearts. I thought that was a good touch. I do know that it's also in homage to the fact that it's Mint Eye and the building is called Magenta. It's a 2-in-1 package deal. Just like the fact that I got to see Ray dressed as Unknown. This is a two-for-one deal!

I do think it's interesting that they chose to make the penlights white. That means his image color is white. Oh, yeah, idols have image colors that correlate to those penlights so those things are very important! I didn't expect white. But, I didn't expect him to be an idol ever again after that bad ending. I mean that ending is horrible but he has great hair in it so like we're winning and losing.

Best day of my life. I won Unknown and Ray.

[boxwinebaddie]

Have the CD guys ever read fanfic about themselves?

OH MY GODDSKLHDHLS

YES!!! yES, THEY HAVE!!!

THEY'VE READ TOO MUCH, TBH.

no, because back in the good ole days when the boys were still The Boys and darling scotty had not made his evil fuckboy transformation into Thot, they did a very silly segment on MTV that was sponsored by red bull, who, in my fake ncuniverse, collabed with grey goose,

and released these very crazy 4loko-esqe red/gray alcoholic energy drinks that the CD boys were taste-testing ( yes, they were Gone ) while they dramatically read and re-enacted the most vile, viral sex scenes written about them in aO3 fanfictions. it was...So Good.

( boxwinebaddie DEF made the cut, jsyk. xx )

but anyways, for con-sext, The Boys took turns reading...

kenny carried the whole thing on their back tbh ( all while wearing the skeleken facemask, might i add, which required them to suck their drink through a swirly straw...a lot of sucking jokes were made...smh )

scott, i think, had to pause every five seconds to laugh and when he wasn't, his med-student brain was looking too far into the logistics of all the sex positions and the motivations behind them...love him.

jimmy's performance was phenomenal, obviously, ( comedic legend ) but all the stuttering and slurring required subtitles, i fear. whaaack.

but, uh...speaking of Reading...and being Whack.

i just want to start out by saying...

Ravenstan...I Love You.

God Bless You, Baby.

you really....tried your Very Best.

however...

...that man CANNOT read.

HEEEELPSSK

OOOOOOOOOF. IT WAS /SO/ FUNNY, YOU GUYS.

i need a ten minute super-cut of raven of crimson dawn trying to read because it is SOOOO Unserious. his dyslexia is soooo bad. RIP </3

however, i must say that i admire the confidence in which he very loudly and proudly read out words, smiled very cutely at the camera,

and pRONOUNCED THEM DEAD FUCKING WRONG.

it was god tier comedy, i am not even joking, the boys regularly skipped turns so stan had to read more often...it was that funny, fml.

he would try to read something, sound it out, squint, tilt his head to the right like a small, confused dog and go:

"'his...Personal dick?' but that...doesn't even make SENSE??? pero like, Clearly it's Jimmy's Personal Dick and not someone elses?? so i don't know why xXdrummers-bang-harder-69Xx even Wrote that." :/

please note: scott and jimmy LITERALLY ABOUT TO START CRYING whilst kenny takes a v large slurp of their drink, also trying v hard not to cry like "rae, baby, i'm gonna hold your hand while i say this..."

*literally holds stan's hand.*

"it's not Personally...

...it's *Pulsating*.

'His /PULSATING/ Dick.'"

which i think they figured would’ve cleared that up, but, not enough, i guess bc ravenstan, squinting Again, said

"the stuff.....in orange juice?"

HEEEEELPPPPPP

NOOOOO SKLHSDSKD bABY THAT IS /PULP/.

ft. jimmy shouting "AYOOOOOO! can we get some fanfictions with smaller w-w-words in them? because raven can't r-r-read."

BRUUUUUUUUUUUUTAL!!! BOOOO!!! LAME!!! CORNY!!!

Justice For My Sexy Dyslexy KING!!!! >:O

listen!!! he is Very Nice and Very Pretty, therefore, he does not NEED to know how to Read, okay?!!! he has Other People to read for him, namely, his super smart mega fine Law Student Boyfriend who rEADS TO HIM EVERY NIGHT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! he Won!!!

he did also say 'okay, FUCK YOU GUYS!' and scott legitimately waved the list and (th)said "i think you actually do that in thith next one."

WHICH????? the only thing funnier than stan trying to read on camera, is when they have to read any fic where ravenstan whips out...

…hIS THICK MASSIVE TEN INCH SCHLONG.

when i tell you they were SCREAMING!!!! ohMyGOD.

that was sO FKN FUNNY to them, they were like OH MY GOD, RAVEN PUT THAT THING AWAAAAAAAY!!! ITS TOO LARGE WERE SCARED SKDJSLD dead, actually sooo dead...like their audience did not understand the context of that, but it was SOOOO unserious.

i swear the cd boys fave inside joke is to make an insane amount of out of pocket raven dick jokes in interviews, like i shit you not, they’re like "hi, sorry we're late! raven turned around too fast coming out of the shower, accidentally slapped us in the face with his HUGE DICK and knocked us out cold." SKHDD it happens so often ppl are literally Frothing At The Mouth trying to SEE IT.

smmHHHH.

like, besties...

I'm Gonna Hold Your Hand While I Say This.

HKDSKDSKDKHSDhLKSHDLDSK

Live, Laugh, Love My Boys. <3

-uncle nina, proud mother of four

( or, uh, Three ig )

[hellishboots]

u dont need 2 know the context 4 the quotez bc honestly. they dont make much more sense in context. they probly r funnier if u know how theyre enunciated but. ehh whatever

[andyling]

Okay now that I got my Tango rambling out of the way IT’S TIME FOR A BUNCH OF OTHER PEOPLE

Jimmy Solidarity (aka the man sending team rancher fans into a collective breakdown, it’s me I'm team rancher fans)

stealth mission IMMEDIATELY failed

THE FACT THAT TANGO WAS OUT OF RANGE OF THE BOMB AND THEN RAN RIGHT UNDER IT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Tango congratulating Jimmy on killing him (even though it was Joel) Team Ranchers is still alive guys I swear, NO ANGST HERE IT’S FINE GUYS

Love how Joel is being attacked and Grian is nowhere to be found because he’s too busy hunting down Impulse

jimmy shouting tango’s name and literally jumping towards him as he places tnt counts as a rancher moment 

either he’s stupid or he was confident tango wouldn’t blow him up, it’s probably the former but hey I choose how I interpret this chaos

JIMMY WAS SO CLOSE TO DYING HOLY SHIT 

JIMMY’S FUCKING FACE WHEN MARTYN STARTED ATTACKING ETHO

mans was literally just :O

“what I'm realizing right is that everyone is thirsty” did ya have to phrase it like that??? I can hear the out of context compilations clipping this

Jimmy sounding so shocked that Tango was fighting Martyn as if he didn’t just spend several minutes fending him off from killing Joel

oh uh, the flower husbands are fighting

SCOTT THROWING TANGO UNDER THE BUS BRUUUUUUUH

damn flower husbands enjoyers must be in absolute misery

anyways WOO JIMMY DIDN’T GO AFTER TANGO, GUYS THE RANCHERS ARE FINE WE DON’T NEED TO MAKE ANGST FROM THIS

JIMMY AND MARTYN FIGHTING TO KILL SCOTT AJFSJAKFHDSHJGK

love how Jimmy is not even trying to find Tango he’s just there watching this chaos unfold

“guys he’s not gonna respond” Jimmy you underestimate how dumb your rancher is, there is a reason I call both of you wet cats

WHY IS THERE REDSTONE BLOOD EVERYONE?????

JOEL JUST WENT SPLAT

the way jimmy hunches over closer to his mic when he’s whispering is so funny, he’s trying to hide irl 

ah yes, “the bad boys bread bridge bakery in the sky” my beloved

hey now Jimmy has been trying to protect Joel for half the session don’t kick him out, I mean he failed but at least he was trying

ending the session with robbery, how wonderful

Grain

“looking tasty” aaaaand that’ going into the out of context compilation

JOEL SOUNDS SO DISTRAUGHT THAT HE KILLED CLEO

Grian seems to be extra manic this episode, I'm blaming that on the fact that he missed a session

the entire “definitely” bit is so stupid but I find it so funny

GRIAN WAS TRYING SO HARD TO GET IMPULSE AND ENDED UP DYING INSTEAD AJFHSAJFHDSSFKJSDGF

“normally this is last episode behavior” I mean last session was last episode behavior too I think this season has just made everyone crazy

DUDE GRIAN WAS SO SURE THAT TNT MINECART FAILED AND THEN HE GOT A TRIPLE KILL

HE ALMOST KNOCKED HIMSELF OFF THE PLATFORM IN HIS SHOCK

oh my god the yellow hoard is even funnier from their perspective

the pufferfish plays are insane goddamn

THE TANGO CHASE IS EVEN FUNNIER FROM GRIAN’S POV OH MY GOD SERIOUSLY HOW DID THEY NOT CATCH HIM

THEY JUST KEEP CALLING HIM AND HE RESPONDS FROM WHO KNOWS WHERE IN THE FUNNIEST VOICE

“How about we just kill him for fun now?” SCAR NO

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE’S A WARDEN NEARBY HELLO?!??!?!

tango just has a 6th sense for wardens now

awwwwww grian’s sharing in order to help skizz (pity totem is still totem)

someone is gonna trap those ender-porters I just know it

THAT WAS SUCH A WASTE OF A TOTEM 

MARTYN INTHELITTLEWOOD EVERYBODY

the mean gills chatting on their little island resort really contrasts how badly the rest of this session is gonna go

WELL DAMN SCOTT SMAJOR

THE FACT THAT MARTYN SAW THE TNT MINECART AND FUCKING BOOKED IT THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION HE WAS SO CLOSE TO DYING

Bdubs running to Etho for protection is hilarious in every POV

the bread bois and team ties have a fast travel to each other . . . we’ll see how that works out (please become allies please please please)

LOVE HOW MARTYN ACKNOWLEDGES THE OUT OF CONTEXT VIDEOS NOW AFJKHSAJKGHDKSGKH

MARTYN ON HIS PSYCHO ARC OH MY FUCKING GOD

MARTYN’S DECISION TO TURN ON ETHO WAS SO QUICK AND IT’S SO OBVIOUS HERE HE JUST LOOPED AROUND AND STABBED HIM

Martyn didn’t even realize Tango was still trying to kill him lmao

THE PUFFERFISH DIED IN THE EXPLOSION OH NO

poor scar stood in the wrong place at the wrong time

Etho trying desperately to get people to leave Tango and Impulse alone

MARTYN WAS SO FAR AWAY HOW DID THAT TNT MINECART KILL HIM HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THE RANGE ON THOSE THINGS?!?!?!

god Martyn is just having an awful time trying to stay alive this session

DUDE THE SCRAMBLE TO SEE WHO WOULD KILL SCOTT FIRST IS WAY MORE INTENSE FROM MARTYN’S POV FUCKING HELL

bruh Martyn really teasing us all with actual lore 

So uh, yeah that session was bonkers SEE Y’ALL NEXT WEEK

[light-wayland]

In truth, I have like 3 Spirk fics(and my novel) that I'm pushing aside to write my waywood fic so you're doing way better than me. I have two midterms next week and the week after that I have a paper due. so I pat myself on my back when I write like one line. be kind to yourself, in the end, this is supposed to be fun:)

Also, about my fic, the three of them live in a bachelor for like bit, Jocelyn can't stand it since Robert snores. The vibe is that Michael is fine, Robert is on the verge of a panic 24/7, and Jocelyn just wants a good night's sleep, if you have anything you want to see tell me(also if you have any ideas about what I should do with Luke):)

Also, the one fault (Joking) of Blue Skies Forever is that it takes place before Robert asks Alec what made him gay. Could you imagine Alec when he sees waywood, and realizes that Robert was being genuine/ Robert thinks he's the reason why Alec is gay (and he can't decide if that makes it better or worse)

(this was funnier in my head)

i told you i would get back to you... at least once my college drama gave me a break

i sort of need some robert&jocelyn friendship and i swear i didn't take this out of my ass. and michael? fine? his angst is what keeps the world turning! how is our dear waywood drama going huh 👀 please keep writing i'm here waiting it you can be sure of that. about luke, i guess you must have sorted some sort of vague timeline to decide what to do with this werewolf condition? then how that can fit with the context of betraying the circle, unless you planned for him to never be turned and to stay loyal to valentine? lol you said you wanted a slice of life fic and here i am coming up with drrrrama and angst

oh don't you worry about there not being enough alec&robert drama on BSF. all of that can very much still happen the way things currently are...

thank you for reaching out, i'll be waiting for more updates!

[arobinwithoutbatman]

Light blue heart

Relationship Questions! I'll answer these as if they're adults and have reunited

who curses more? Internally? Tim. In his head, he swears like a sailor. The only reason he doesn't out loud is because it's still funny to wind Jason up with his terrible kids friendly swearing and has actaully only gotten funnier now that Tim is in his 20s

who is more patient? I'd say they're about equal in patience. Between their work as vigilantes and now CEOs and also just how long they've had to wait to reunite not knowing if the other was still going to be romantically available? And then waiting even longer just to avoid causing a too big media storm that would take attention away from the very causes they support and fund? Yeah, they're both incredibly patient. Though saying that, despite having improved, Tim is still not great in the kitchen so Dio has a smidgen more patience on that alone XD

who does the driving? If it's just for personal stuff? It's both of them again. Yes even for dates because the paparrazzi won't leave them alone so they try to arrive separately and discreetly.

who is louder? who is quieter? Tim. Dio has to watch himself because of the Isu powers related to his voice and it's very easy to slip into that range if he's not careful. Tim has no such limits being completely and utterly human.

who is more physically affectionate? Dio but only because Tim will forget that he does in fact require physical touch regularly and will not realise when he's starting to get touch starved again. Dio is also more likely to initiate for the same reason.

who is more likely to tease the other? They're pretty equal here too. They each give as good as they get and know each other's boundaries and how that changes when they're out as vigilantes. Their tactics just vary slightly.

who is better with time management? I want to say Dio? But only just? Tim still has a problem with zoning in and hyperfocusing to the point of completely losing track of time and his physical needs.

who wins the arm wrestling matches? Depends on the day honestly.

who controls the music in the car ride? If they're riding together? It's whoever wins rock paper scissors. It's the fairest method they've come up with.

who covers dinner when they order in? They take it in turns

who is more outgoing? who is more shy? Ooooo that's a tough one. Cause neither of them are exactly shy but they are both fairly introverted so don't enjoy going out of their way to spend time with strangers.

who has the more outlandish fashion sense? Neither of them. If they ever wear something outlandish, it's because Lio has called in a favour or he's doing some background matchmaking

who starts the tickle fights? who ends them? Dio typically starts them, usually to snap Tim out of his latest bout of hyperfocus. As for ending? It varies and depends on both of their moods and the current context.

who has the darker/more "edgy" sense of humor? I mean, they both have an inclination towards gallows humour these days...

who is more competitive when it comes to games? Oh Tim. 100% Tim. He's a bastard to play games with because he'll find loopholes in the rules or just strategise. Monopoly is banned. Civilization has to be carefully monitored purely because that game can take hours even when playing by yourself against AI. He's a nightmare.

who has the bigger appetite? the bigger sweet tooth? Bigger appetite? Tim. Because he still is shit at recognising his hunger signals so when food is put in front of him, he inhales it because he probably accidentally skipped a meal again. Bigger sweet tooth? Dio because he actually likes sweet things while Tim can barely taste them unless the flavour is super strong and Tim prefers bitter and spicy flavours anyway.

who is more likely to get in a confrontation in public? Ooooo another tough one. Tim has developed a reputation for stepping in when he sees something happening, often to comfort parents or assist with someone struggling but makes a point of ignoring the person who started things so he can instead make their life hell from a distance and without it being connected to him. Dio also doesn't strike me as the type to handle things loudly in public. With both of them being public figures, that's something that the media can very easily twist and things could easily get out of hand from there.

who hosts the parties/hangouts? who organizes them? As CEOs, they've hosted fundraisers and gatherings but the actual organising is typically left to their very qualified and very well paid staff. Just personal hangouts though? They handle that themselves since it's usually a very quick "Hey you free today? Wanna hang out in pajamas and do absolutely nothing and maybe make out a lil bit?" text.

who is better at cooking? do they ever cook for each other? Dio is the better cook. Tim has practiced and he's better than he was in his teens but he is still miles away from Dio's skill. But yes they do cook for each other when they get the chance.

who is more likely to engage in dangerous and/or illegal behavior? ...Dio used to kill people for the Templars and Court of Owls and Tim has been a vigilante since he was 13. They've both bene breaking the law for at least half their lives.

who is more likely to notice when something is wrong with the other? Dio. He's quicker to notice smaller cues. Tim will notice that something is off and a pattern has changed but, unless his anxiety and/or paranoia are running particularly high that day, he doesn't immediately jump to "something's wrong."

who does the talking in public settings (i.e. to the waiter at a restaurant)? They take turns.

who is more likely to extend a helping hand & provide emotional support? Pretty equal here too honestly

who is the bigger prankster? do they get the last laugh or do they suffer for it? They're as bad as each other. Tim will do the more complex pranks like hacking into Dio's phone and messing with his playlist while he's working out.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Further update in the running thread of “I Like Vinay Joshi, the Radio X producer, even though early on the frequent interference from radio producers annoyed me, and I realized it was because fundamentally they were trying to mould the comedy chat into a radio show and I just want it to be a comedy show, but since Vin took over I’ve found it less annoying, I mean obviously he’s still moulding things into proper radio because that’s his job, but he also tends to be slower to shut down the comedy riffs and lets it unfold a bit more naturally, plus his own interjections tend to be a lot funnier than ones from other people, and every once in a while he’ll make a comedy reference that makes me think the reason it works so well with him is he is also inclined toward comedy and can see where they’re going with something more easily” – I have a further update in that running thread: He just made a reference to Simon Amstell’s stand-up that went over even John’s head, even though John Robins has mentioned several times being a fan of the sitcom Grandma’s House, so you’d think he’d know that. Also, I wouldn’t have had to actually hear John Robins say he really likes the sitcom Grandma’s House, I could have just assumed that based on everything else about John Robins. But in the episode I'm listening to now, John did not pick up on Vin's fairly subtle dig at Amstell’s penchant for confusing drugs-based stand-up stories, a reference that I appreciated because despite also being a fan of Grandma’s House and most of Amstell’s stand-up, I also find the drug stories annoying.

Anyway, I’m down to thirty episodes left in the Radio X years. I think I’ll get to episode 240, then do the audiobook, then do episodes 241-264, which will be all that’s left. Though the number 264 is misleading because there have been so many bonus episodes, I think there are about 320 episodes in the XFM/Radio X years in total.

And then I guess there will be the BBC years, which is relevant to this post because there will be no more Producer Vin. I have also seen those years described as having “the edges smoothed out”, I’m not sure how that’ll work given that them on Radio X already is comedy with the edges smoothed out, given Ofcom rules. I mean it’s fine, I don’t actually need to hear a comedian say the word “cunt” to be funny, and it frequently is funny to hear them come up with creative alternatives to swear words in the moment. And as some of John’s stand-up has shown, it’s possible that there might be a nice balance somewhere between “not allowed to actually say the word ‘sex’ so they have to imply it in the vaguest possible sense and skirt way around the issue if they want to talk about it, usually best to just avoid any story that references sex entirely”, and “telling me in graphic detail about your bodily fluids being inside a specific other person whose name I know and whose face I see on TV”. The amount of edginess I like lies somewhere between those two things. But I definitely don’t listen to them on Radio X and think I wish this could have its edges smoothed out.

And I don't understand the format of the BBC episodes. It seems like they put out highlights of one radio show, and then do a separate episode with outtakes? I think. I don't like that as much. I know the Radio X episodes have been chopped up into highlights from the full radio show (which I already don't like, I liked having those episodes of the Howard/Richardson show that are the entire thing with only news and songs removed), but at least I think they're in chronological order and basically follow what happened in the show. I don't want to hear random other bits totally out of context. Which I think might be entirely whatever they're doing now, but that's 300 episodes away so I don't need to figure that out yet.

Also, here’s a thing that I think will probably be fine but I don’t really want it to come up – I broadly agree with John Robins on most political things that I’ve heard him mention, they’re supposed to avoid giving too clear political opinions on the radio show so it’s not like I know all the details, but obviously political issues affect everything so sometimes it comes out. I admire his genuine love of the tax system, for one thing. I like how difficult he found it to adhere to the “no explicitly stating your political views” when he was furious the day after the Brexit vote. There are some instances when he’ll say something and I’ll think I disagree with the specifics of that point, but it’s always about specifics, not a difference in broad value issues. Which is fine with me, because contrary to what people say about leftists, I can like people just fine if we don’t agree on every single point of every single issue. As long as I think they’re basically on side with the broad value things like whether poor people deserve to live and racism and misogyny are bad (it’s just that that shockingly low bar is too high for a shocking number of people). And he seems basically fine.

Except on one thing, which I try to ignore every time be brings it up, which is how much he admire police. And I know it’s not like he’s thinking “I hate racialized and mentally ill people and I’m glad cops hurt them.” It’s related to his overall weirdly rigid obsession with following rules to the letter. And every once in a while, while going on about how great cops are, he will throw in a caveat of “And of course sometimes they get it wrong or there are corrupt ones and of course we should get rid of those.” But mostly I just try to ignore it when he talks about that. And given this, I’m not sure I want to hear what John Robins has to say during the summer of 2020, when the widespread horrifying issues with policing were all over international news to the point where it would be hard not to mention them. I’m just not totally sure if I want to hear what John Robins had to say during that, because my mental health is being held together by too few threads for me to risk losing my ability to enjoy listening to John Robins.

Anyway, I’m sure I’ll get one episode into the BBC 5 Live era and say “actually this is exactly the same as before and it’s fine”. Which brings me to my next point, which is that apparently the RSS feed is deleting old ones! I swear I opened their BBC show on my podcast app just a couple of weeks ago, to make sure it was all there, and it went back to episode 1. Now I’ve gone back to look again, and they start at episode 24. I got on my laptop and went to the websites I normally use for downloading like Podbean, and it was the same everywhere. It’s not some issue with my mobile app, the whole feed’s cut the first 23 episodes.

Luckily I found that they’re all still available on the BBC Sounds website, so I immediately downloaded the first 23. That took too long, because I’m not as good as I’d like to be with this sort of thing, so I manually downloaded each one with Jdownloader, then converted them from mp4 to mp3 in a different program (I’m almost sure there’s a way to get Jdownloader to just download audio only, but I’ve never bothered to work it out), then had to name them all with the dates and episode numbers and titles. I’m now worried that they’re going to delete more old episodes, so I’d really like to just download all of the BBC episodes, and for that matter wouldn’t mind doing the XFM/Radio X episodes, because this weekend has reminded me that sometimes things disappear from RSS feeds, and also I just wouldn’t mind having all those as mp3s, will make it easier to cut out clips and stuff.

So I’ve spent several hours today trying to learn how to use the various programs that allow you to automate downloading a whole podcast, but my understanding of tech things is, I think, about 1.5 levels too low to be able to actually do it. I’m pretty good at data hoarding but as soon as I have to start messing around in the Command Prompt I get confused. It would take forever to do it all manually though, so I’ll see if I can figure it out. In the meantime – and now I finally come to the actual purpose of this post – if anyone knows how to do that, or just has mp3s of John Robins + Elis James podcasts, please let me know.

This post started out complaining about annoying Simon Amstell routines and has come a long way around since then. I've let this radio show consume my entire daily routine and I don't like change. But it will be fine.

[wemlygust]

I choose to the believe that "chaos ensues" in this case means the Jon and Damian absolutely losing their minds, in a scared but also simultaneously happy kind of confusing way. And Ma & Pa Kent are ALSO losing their minds; maybe one is swearing who never swears, and they're both kinda caught between "WHAT" and "PANIC" and sort of "this glowing kid looks eldritch and scary in a way we don't recognize (glowy ice crown, maybe yeti horns, hazmat suit (maybe upgraded or armored but still kinda plastic-y hazmat looking), and with a cloak that is a hole into outer space) and we just summoned him out of nowhere into our house and none of us are armed, but they also aren't.... actually... doing anything? Maybe? It's... fine? I guess?" Maybe Ma and Pa, after freezing up and going bug-eyed for a moment, each land on opposite and conflicting decisions. Ma yanks a rifle out of the closet (Pa didn't even know it was there so now that's added to this situation for him) and makes threats, while Pa simultaneously has started panic-deploying his southern hospitality we-have-a-guest script, but it comes out scrambled and fast and with tone all over the place. Something like "Hello! So sorry to disturb you, thanks for dropping in, uh. Can I... offer you a cookie and milk? Or uh-" and he stalls out 'cause he was gonna ask if he could take Danny's coat, but Danny's coat is space, so he's not sure he even could take it or put it on the hook. Danny is enthusiastically accepting the cookie, while also trying to double task to listen to Jon and Damian, while completely 100% ignoring the rifle and threats, and the sword that Damian pulled out at some point and now is just half-heartedly holding. And Clark walks in at this point with no context for any of it. He's very much thrown, but because this is chaotic but not violent he's not attacking or being aggressive. Just very confused and doesn't know what to do either. Is it funnier if Danny also was pulled out of a Situation, so as to make his experience of this as funny as possible? Or maybe he was just asleep, or nodding off over some homework he didn't want to be doing anyway. Or maybe he was in the middle of stealing something from catwoman's apartment (to return to its ghostly rightful owner) and he was juuuust totally about to get away with it when Catwoman caught him, and before she could even do anything the summoning yoinked him out of her living room and also forced him to drop whatever he'd been stealing. So a ghost thief just vanished in front of Catwoman. Also, the summoning accidentally snared one of Catwoman's cats. The cat is hanging out at Danny's feet and it's all puffed up and spooked, but so much is going on nobody's noticed this yet. And none of them know Catwoman well enough to recognize her misplaced cat, either. p.s. cats can totally see ghosts. Catwoman knows this because Deadman. She is both jelly of and admiring of the cats for this, probably. And maybe she's more aware of ghosts as a concept than most because this has made her think about them. So Catwoman, seeking her lost cat and the audacious thief, goes on a crusade, blackmails, kidnaps, or bribes Constantine and Deadman into helping (Deadman tries to be helpful but isn't), discovers the GIW, and tears it the fuck to pieces.

Meanwhile, back in the foreground, happy Kent family holiday times! :D Everyone is much calmer now. Suddenly all of it is hilarious. Danny is automatically one of them now. That's the rule. You summon an eldritch nightmare child, you gotta keep it. Just like alien children. It's just how it is. No you are NOT leaving yet, you are having a second helping of chili. Why don't you stay the night? Do you sleep? Stay the night even if you don't. Also here have a third helping, I insist. And then dessert after. We have accidentally kidnapped a child, then we intentionally threatened him with a rifle, and we need to apologize but also we can't let you just wander off alone into the darkness without even a map. I'll go look for the map. Here's a fourth helping. Eat. Where are you from? They are casually assuming they will have the needed map, but they have an alien child with friends in space, and magic friends, and Ma Kent collects maps. Including. Space maps! And the space maps (which take a variety of forms, from flat on paper, to plastic-y film you scrunch up to put away, or 3D models) are not available on cell phones, so it's gotta be the physical maps for maybe-alien glowy kid. Ma Kent walks into the attic full of space maps, and Catwoman bursts through the window looking like the hero at the end of Die Hard. Just dramatically beat up and bloody and looking like she's been through a war and is still mad. She has abandoned subtlty after dealing with the GIW (and Constantine) for weeks. It's been weeks for her because, idk, she grappled Vlad and yanked them both into lazarus pit, and a panicking Constantine sent them both back in time accidentally while rescuing them. Also they both have pit rage now, so that'll be something. Maybe they have a whole time travel adventure together in, like, 1920's, somehow actually sunny summer Gotham, before they manage to get back. But they're back like a month or two before they left, so actually there are two Catwomans and Constantines running around at this moment. Two of them are just now starting to wreck the GIW with prejudice and rescue some ghosts (there are ghost cats in those labs, even! save the ghost cats! Do cats have nine deaths, too?). Constantine is also in space summoning the Justice League to yell at them about Amity Park and the Anti-Ecto Acts. And Catwoman is in Ma Kent's attic of space maps. Ma Kent, having exhausted her ability to be surprised, offers her milk and cookies, and in a sudden stroke of inspiration, asks if the cat is hers. The cat's fine, by the way. Very calm now and enjoying lots of pets and apology cheese and cuddles. Now it's a holiday episode also featuring time-traveling Catwoman with pit rage who just solved Danny's biggest problem.

The Bats are baffled…

Lately, according to the latest reports, the kidnapping of clowns has been skyrocketing throughout the country… although in one or two days, they usually reappear, of course without remembering anything about what happened or without wanting to talk about the subject, the reports have not been clear at the moment.

And while this is happening, the assaults on government facilities have been on a constant increase… but curiously only one department has been affected, the apparent supernatural investigation department of the USA…

And you might wonder what kind of relationship these two have? Because until an hour ago these two things were not related at all and have been investigated separately…

But everything changed when the Joker disappeared from his cell…

And contrary to the normal situation, the Joker did not escape, he was kidnapped from Arkham by an extraction group, who according to the videos, used gas to put him to sleep in the cell and proceeded to tie the clown up with questionable articles of leather and black latex (Jason will never see red balls in a normal way)….

And when the Bats managed to find him….

It was in the middle of a sacrificial altar as an offering along with spaceships, hamburgers and milkshakes, all of this on a bonfire where they were burning Christmas decorations and classified government papers, while a group of galaxy-robed cultists are singing a Latin version of a modern pop/rock song….

What the hell is going on?

[xx-poetry-witch-xx]

I would also like to give some context to my posts last night because some of them are funnier with context and I feel like it's worth knowing (also I would like to remember in the future)

First of all, I'd like to say this is how I was playing Minecraft last night while listening to this album (https://open.spotify.com/album/3vIZNnaV7973vNme1hPXbS?si=t3SxajdXSxGZvUTLPRWEbg&context=spotify%3Aalbum%3A3vIZNnaV7973vNme1hPXbS), if that provides any more context

I think this one speaks for itself. I thought it was funny.

Said dry cereal was stale special k fruit and yogurt that had like 5 handfuls left at the bottom of the box that has been sitting on my shelf for at least two months now, but hey, at least it's finished now and I don't have to worry about it

Now this could be one of two things. This could either be in pure excitement about the cool mods on the smp that I'm on (I mean come on the better end mod is so fucking cool) or it could be in frustration as I accidentally poured water all over the lava lake that is the entrance to my house turning it into obsidian (twice). I will never know the answer to this.

The translation here is supposed to be "where are my note cards" HOWEVER, the German word for "where" is "wo", so instead the German reads "why are my note cards" which is arguably funnier

This is me getting excited over the backpack mod. Essentially I can fill a backpack with stuff, them put it into another backpack, creating infinite storage. I got excited over the fact that I could carry infinite cobble stone around with me everywhere for some reason. I was giggling like a kid about to do something they know they aren't allowed to do.

I think that's supposed to say chewy, but honestly, it might have been on purpose. This post makes me feel icky now that I'm sober, I don't know why I made it.

I swear to fuck even sober there was no way I played Minecraft for three hours, but I guess that's what happened.

So over the night my shitty college mattress slides away from the wall. Apparently I was VERY distressed about this last night.

Anyway, there you go, all the context you could ever need and want. I will be doing this again sometime I think

[hychlorions]

my ambition will be my downfall someday. good thing i’m only ambitious when it comes to ace attorney

[nightlilly0110]

I keep thinking about League of Legends lore and I find it infinitely funnier if outsiders treat Piltover and Zaun like how DC fans treat Gotham in regard to the “that sounds too ridiculous no way that’s real”/“I swear to god it’s real” approach. Because literally without the context of how Runeterra works, League characters can sound a bit out there.

“Yeah you have to be careful if you try to pull some shit in Zaun. There’s a giant dog monster that hunts down criminals and is out for blood.”

“You know, we had a rumour like that in my hometown. It was just someone’s Doberman that they let out at night.”

——

“There’s a lady with blade legs.”

“Okay, I know this city has a thing for body mods but that’s just weird.”

“She’s very high profile.”

“Blade legs just seems very painful.”

——

“Don’t go wandering the undercity at night alone. That guy who kidnaps people for Shimmer experiments is active again.”

“I think my dad told me a story like that to keep me from sneaking out past curfew.”

——

“I swear I’m telling you the truth! You’ve literally met the Defender! How can you not believe me?!”

“Oh you mean the waking propaganda machine? You really think I’m gonna believe there’s just a guy going around beating the shit out of people with a giant hammer AND ITS NOT SCRIPTED?!”

“*deep sigh*”

——

“NO!”

“I’m telling you-”

“No! That’s just ridiculous! If you’re going to lie to me, at least make it believe!”

“But-”

“Again, I don’t care about the body mods but you’re seriously going to look at me and try to convince me that there’s a guy running around with a laser canon in his arm?!?!”

“*mumbling*”

“What?”

“It’s his third arm...also he’s the leader of a transhumanist cult.”

“You need to stop.”

[lilyclawthorne]

Sorry but now I need Julieta as a grown ass woman being grounded, just her angry sitting in the corner XD

A visual would be more fun, but I simply can’t do that for you, but instead I can write about it. But also like, this is incredibly rushed and dumb and I definitely began half-assing it like halfway through.

For those who need context, it’s right here

Next part

“Mamá, you can’t seriously be expecting me to do this.”

“They won’t stop complaining Julieta, and to be fair, you did do all those things when you were younger, and they apparently did get punished for at least half of them. Besides it’s only a week and they’ll probably get tired by day three of it.”

They did not get tired by day three.

In fact, the two other triplets were having a grand old time tormenting their sister like they did when they were kids, and Julieta’s patience was wearing thin. There wasn’t much they could actually do to her, other than telling her she had to do all her cooking in the kitchen in her room, rather than the one she usually used, but they certainly found their ways. She had just finished cleaning up dinner for the night, and went to grab a book to read before being stopped by both of her siblings.

“Excuse me Julieta, but I believe it’s straight to bed with you,” Pepa speaks up first, grabbing the book from her sisters hands.

“How long are you two going to keep this ridiculousness up for?”

“Ah, ah, ah, Juli, you did the crimes, you do the time, no statute of limitations here,” Bruno chimes in, and when Julieta doesn’t move, the two grab her by each arm and drag her upstairs. To her relief, Agustín is already there, so at least she has someone to complain to. She swears those two are finding more and more things for the man to do this week, specifically so she had to be alone while she was “grounded.”

He, however, did find the whole situation much funnier than she did, “To be fair amor, you did kind of screw them over at times when you were kids, karma had to come back eventually, huh?”

“Agustín if you say one more word about it, I will not be healing you for the rest of the week.” He knows his wife isn’t too serious about the threat, but he backs off, instead coming up with a different idea.

“Well, if they’re gonna treat you like a teenager again, why not have some fun like one again as well?” He asks, and she tells him to go on, “Well, would you care to sneak out, and sit by the river like we used to do when we were young and first falling so fast in love?”

She laughs, remembering the memories there fondly, and agrees to his suggestion, “I’m starting to think maybe I was a bad influence on you.”

They wait for it to grow completely dark outside, and everyone has retired to the rooms for the night, before quickly creeping out of their bedroom, down the stairs and through the front door, struggling not to fall into a fit of giggles at how silly this all was. There was slightly more risk in waking other’s up, Julieta used to just climb out a window, but didn’t feel quite comfortable doing so anymore, and so through the courtyard the had to go. They make it out and head to the tree by the river that they always spent time at when they were teens, pushing Agustín up against the rough wood and kissing him with the same energy she had so many years ago.

Unfortunately for them, they didn’t make it more than five minutes before the sound footsteps could be heard.

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me,” they hear Bruno remark from only a few feet away, but it’s Pepa who dares to grab her sister by the ear and drag her all the way home. Agustín once again can’t help but laugh at the situation at hand, until Bruno and Pepa tell him to take the couch, and now it’s just annoying to him as they say Julieta’s grounded and clearly she can’t be trusted to stay in her room when influenced by others. But now it’s Julieta’s turn to laugh, and comment on his karma, as it was his idea in the first place to sneak out, before Pepa drags her the rest of the way to her room. They’d later come to realize that they’d just gained the added thrill of sneaking Agustín back into her room just like she used to do.

The next day, ALL of the grandchildren are starting to question what’s going on, huddling in Dolores’ room to discuss where no one could hear them.

“Why are Tía Pepa and Tío Bruno being so weird to Mami as of lately?” Mirabel questions.

“Apparently Tía Julieta was actually a troublemaker as a kid, and the other two got blamed for a lot of it? But she confessed to it recently and the other two made Abuela “ground” her but really it’s just them carrying out,” Dolores fills everyone in.

“So basically,” Isabela begins, “the lesson here is that everything you do that you shouldn’t be doing, you should take it to the grave.”

[thusatlas]

28 and 30 👀👀

For you? Anything <3

Fic Writer Ask Game

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

I'm shite at deadline pressure and stress. I have plenty of it in my work life, which I tend to keep balanced on a very delicate recipe of caffeine and inventive swearing. So I like to excuse the maladaptive daydreaming for productive escapism and get lost in the story when it comes to writing. But stress and pressure are not conducive to the escapist element of escapism - thus the paradox of being an author in fandom.

With the episodic nature of fic release, it's easy for the rat brain to take over - the rush of dopamine from feedback after a chapter release is an intoxicating hit.

My biggest stressor, however, is I don't like to break a promise, and each WIP is a promise made. So writing pressure is something I've had to have a word with myself about (and by that, I mean moan to my friends until they reorganise my priorities).

Because that's the thing - priorities. I started writing to relieve stress (re: search for the escape), and I continue writing because I enjoy it (re: the escape has not yet been found). I put enough pressure on myself to finish a story, I don't need the added pressure of reader expectations.

I'm a discovery writer with a very busy life - planning is not on the cards for me. I used to get overwhelmed with it all - so I had to place boundaries on my relationship with the fandom.

I will not release an update schedule.

I will not promise to have a fic completed by a certain time.

The comment section is not a safe space for me, it is only for the readers.

If I don't make the promise in the first place, I immediately remove any stress of failing to meet expectations.

I know that some readers only read completed works - and that is something I absolutely understand! Each to their own, we all have our prefered poison. I have so many WIPs at the moment, that from a writer's pov, it would be really easy to just be buried under the pressure of completing them, let alone with outside pressure from readers wanting things completed now/to their liking.

As a fic writer in fandom space, it's fine until discourse turns to Death of the Author, because as someone funnier than me said, 'The Author isn't dead, they're just on Twitter'. So when our maladaptive daydreams are being torn apart like they're classic literature, or as if they were written as a personal attack on a person we have never met a thousand miles away, it's hard to maintain that we write for ourselves when the dejected rat brain is searching for that morsel of dopamine.

When I first started posting my writing, I really struggled with managing expectations and balancing the stress I put upon myself against the pressure that was being placed upon me. But now I am absolutely secure in the knowledge that the chapter will be completed when I've written it; the story will be finished when I'm done.

As for negative comments - I will accept constructive criticism from people I trust. That's it. Fandom has made it abundantly clear that the comment section or any social media platform, is not a safe space for the author. So I made a compromise with the internet - while people think that creators are here for the consumer's entertainment only, they can have free reign over the comment section, over whatever platform they choose to air their thoughts, but I will not listen to them. Their words will only have the value I choose to give them.

I have curated my internet and fandom experience, so I can escape the world when I have a spare hour. I write to keep the promises I've made to the story, everything else is noise. If readers want to join me in my search for escape, then the more the merrier, but don't be a buzz kill.

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

(Unbeta'd)

“He’s antsy,” Harry interrupted, following him at a more sedate pace. “But he does have a point – this is taking too long.”

“Have you found something useful yet?” Draco said, taking a step back; Hermione straightened, filling her chest with a deep breath, soaking in the space she hadn’t realised she’d lost. “A map to their lair?” Draco continued. “A recipe for their sacrificial spell? A roster for their members? Anything at all?” 

Nott stopped short, his fists notched on his hips. “The longer we spend pissing about these libraries, the more we may as well just stick a big target on your back advertising your whereabouts.”

Hermione almost laughed at hearing her own words in Nott’s voice. 

“It’s almost like people should listen to me,” she said, turning pointedly back to the shelf. 

A short low rumble echoed against the marble floors and Draco turned to pace away down the aisle. 

Hermione watched as his hands slipped into his pockets when he stopped, his head bowed creating a perfectly taut line of sinew beneath his shirt. 

How was this peace? She could reasonably understand how the lack of Voldemort’s presence was a significant improvement on matters, but his life was still being threatened. Everything about him screamed tension, a wire a hair’s breadth from snapping. 

Draco’s shoulders heaved as he took a breath, and he turned slightly, his head still bowed, his eyes meeting hers through the white hair that fell over his forehead. 

A pull. 

A catch in her breath. 

She could see the anger brimming just beneath the surface of his carefully curated mask, the glow of the molten mercury burning his gaze. Though he’d made himself smaller, he filled the room, stealing her air, commanding the storm that brewed in her.

A tempest caught in a tailored suit. 

[adrenaline-whump]

#3 Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But...

Context: Cadeverse

~~~

I’m usually the one that attracts trouble, but Donnie nearly managed to one-up me. We’d been asking questions around a bar, trying to track down a guy, and we were just leaving when I saw a contact of mine who’d been helpful before. I stopped to say hey to him, just a quick how’s-it-going. I swear it wasn’t more than ten seconds from the time Donnie walked out the door to when I did.

When he wasn’t right there waiting for me, I stopped and looked around, of course. There were a couple of people across the street, but literally no one on my side. And then I heard a deep aggressive voice from around the corner. I took two steps, looked into the alley next to the bar, and my hand automatically went to my holster.

Some big bruiser holding a knife had gotten Donnie backed up against the wall across from me. I’ve worked with Donnie enough to know he’d much rather face a guy with a gun than one with a knife. He’s got a scar on his hand that looks like a knife slash, but he's never told any of us how he got it.

I silently unholstered my Glock and stepped into the alley. I needed to get closer to be at the right angle to cover the asshole without also covering Donnie. Knife-guy didn’t notice me; he was fully engaged in spitting words at Donnie.

“Your mama forget to feed you, runt? What the hell does Evans use you for? A mascot? Did he owe your daddy a favor?”

Rude. Donnie’s not even that short, really. It’s just that folks in our line of work tend to run beefy, mainly because we have to deal with big bruisers like the one in front of me.

“Dude, you don’t want to do this,” Donnie said soothingly. “It’s not going to help your brother, and it’s just going to end poorly for you.”

I eased a few steps closer.

Knife-guy sneered, “What’s a little pissant pipsqueak like you gonna do about it, huh?”

“Me? Nothing. But my friend behind you looks a little pissed off.”

The guy didn’t blink. “You think you can make me look, huh? Your friends ain’t here.”

I changed my plan at the last second and punched him in the back of the head.

See, it was funnier that way. Because Donnie just needed a distraction, so as soon as I hit the guy, Donnie’s hand flashed up to his wrist. One hard twist, and the knife clattered away as the bruiser staggered and fell to his knees.

“That’s Mr. Pissant Pipsqueak to you, buddy,” Donnie said pleasantly.

[what-the--curtains]

Alliance

Chapter 9 – The Hunt

(Mando x f!reader)

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Summary: After recovering you set off to find the man who tried to kill you. Killing him proves to be more difficult than expected when the ones you love are threatened, and on the other side of the choice, your own future.

Authors note: One more chapter to go!! Some angst at the end here! Hope y’all enjoy ❤️❤️❤️! (I also did some very average fan art if y’all haven’t seen it yet!)

Tw: sex is alluded to (not depicted), decapitation, force choke

Word count: 4.9k

Tagged list: @crazycookiecrumbles, @seninjakitey

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The planet proved harder to find than expected, despite Anya's best efforts, something was fogging up her tracking causing your coordinates to be constantly in flux. She’d easily lead you past the outer rim, but since then it had been akin to a wild goose chase.

“Any idea who tried to kill you.” Din asks, he'd been exceptionally patient throughout the journey thus far. Never questioning your methods just typing in the new location coordinates calmly and re aligning the ship on its new course.

“Did kill me” you correct, as your hand moves absentmindedly over the healed wound. “but no, I dont. They had a lightsaber though”

“Was it a Jedi?” he asks earnestly.

“Well based on the context clues, I'd definitely say at least Jedi adjacent” you laugh, for a savvy strategist who knew multiple languages you sometimes found yourself questioning if his brain was in fact functioning.

“Why would a Jedi try and kill you?”

“Your guess is as good as mine”

“How do they decide on colors?” He asks after a somewhat awkward silence

“Hmmm” you hum out in confusion, only half paying attention to what he had said.

“The light swords? Ashoka's are blue, yours is purple and the figures, well there's was red” your heart stops.

“It was red?” you ask, sitting up in your seat giving him your undivided attention.

“Ya does that mean something?” He watches your eyes slowly piecing together what he'd just told you.

“That’s impossible, the Sith were defeated. They died with the emperor.” you affirm, your sure red was a common colour used by Jedi nowadays, sure no one had ever seen one before, but there was a first time for everything right?

“So were the Jedi.” he points out.

“Do you always have to be right?” you ask slightly irritated for a reason you couldn’t quite explain. He doesn't respond; he knows a rhetorical question when he hears one but unsure what he had done to upset you. An uncomfortable silence lingers in the air, a sensation you'd never experienced with the Mandalorian before. Not wanting to stew in the quiet you head down to the lower levels and try and calm your frazzled mind. Sitting down you cross your legs, one over the other, as you close your eyes.

On the best of days meditating was a chore, but under the current situation it had become an impossible task. It wasn’t the threat of being ambushed that had you distracted, no something else was playing heavily on your mind. It was what was causing the punctuated silences, forced conversation and overall awkwardness in the atmosphere. It was your own doing. Seriously, who kisses a man whose face they've never seen! Idiots that's who and now it was stuck on your mind. In your defense you thought you wouldn't have to deal with the fallout so quickly. You should have known he’d have insisted on going with you, but you hadn't thought that far ahead, or at all and now you had to sit with the fact that you’d possibly ruined your comfortable friendship by planting one on him. Technically it wasn’t a real kiss,or maybe it was, how did Mandalorians kiss anyways? There you were down the rabbit hole again, this is why you couldn't focus, you curse yourself. Shaking your head you remind yourself it was only done in an attempt to get around him, a strategic move to protect the group, nothing more, nothing less. Keeping that in mind you manage to focus and you feel the galaxy's pulse emitting throughout the ship, inhaling and exhaling with the undulations around you.

Din, bored and missing the usually witty banter you offered him, decided it was time for him to clear the air in regards to the kiss. He hopes by telling you that he knew it was only done to get around him, you’d become more relaxed. The last thing he wanted was for you to be uncomfortable around him. He knew you'd never want to be with someone like him, at least in that way. As he turns around he sees you cross legged floating in the air, not wanting to interrupt he heads back up. Anya lifts her head as he re-enters, looking at him as if she knew what he was thinking. He’ll clear the air with you later, the two of you had plenty of time to talk.

You curse as your journey gets rerouted for what had to be the twelfth time in the past two days. Whoever was hunting you did not want to be found and no amount of swearing or whacking the console would change that. The closer you got to your destination the more you felt the malevolent presence grow. You found yourself wondering if it had always been with you, finding it hard to remember a time when it wasn't gnawing at your conscience. Each time you feel it scratching at your doors you remember Ashoka's words “be careful who you let into your head.” You'd made that mistake once with devastating consequences. You would not be making it again. Your energy was now primarily being spent keeping the presence at bay, not allowing it to penetrate any deeper than it already had. Sleeping only acted as an open invitation for the figure to torture you so you opted to forgo it altogether. Perhaps not the wisest decision, but what other choice did you have.

“The planet’s still a few days away.” Din says, noting the unraveled look in your eyes as you take your place next to him.

“Anything to do on this ship.” You ask, fidgeting in your seat. “like games or something” he doesn't respond “Hey beskar head! You awake under that helmet?”. You ask partially joking, partially annoyed that he wasn't talking to you.

“Yes.”

“Yes to games or yes to being awake?”

“To games” you smile, you never knew if he was actually making jokes or if you were just reading into it. The finer details of his personality artfully hidden beneath the metal exterior.

“Got Dejarik, you know how to play?” he asks, glad that you were back to yourself for the time being.

“I'm alright” you say smiling, you were better than alright, at least you think. To be fair you'd only ever played against one person and she was family and probably inclined to letting you win.

“You're cheating!” he exclaims, his annoyance apparent even through the modulator. Your skills were better than you expected especially after all those years, well either that or the Mandalorian was just that bad.

“How?” you ask, laughing at how frustrated he was getting. It was funny when you beat him the second time, but by gods it was even funnier when you beat him the seventh time.

“The force!” He says clenching his hand as he stares down at the board.

“I don't think the force bothers itself with helping me beat you at Dejarik.” you point out, as he grumbles something indistinguishable.

“Maybe you're just not as good as you think you are.” You tease pointing your finger at him eyebrows raised and a smirk plastered on your face.

“That’s not what I’ve been told,” he responds.

“About Dejarik or?” he laughs it off, but you seriously wanted to know the answer. After Cara told you he was allowed to have sex it was a question that you’d thought about a lot, more than you probably should have, but hey you were curious. Realizing the Mandalorian was now turning the game board over to see if it was rigged, you decide to change games.

“You still got that indestructible spear. The beskar one?” you ask nonchalantly.

“Yes, not something i'm planning on losing” he nods

“Fancy a match?” you offer you needed to work on your fighting skills, practicing on the air only went so far.

“Only if you promise not to slice through my ship.” He says, standing up.

“Only if you promise not to cry when I beat you.” you return causing him to scoff

“Oh im not going to be the one crying” he assures.

You stand in the ship's far corner across from Din who haphazardly twirls the spear in his hand as you open up your saber, raising it waiting for him to make the first move. He stays his ground, you and him were both defensive fighters and you knew he was far too stubborn to change his routine. Leaping forward you land in front of him, your saber making contact with the spear. After a few seconds spent testing his strength you know there's no feasible way for you to out muscle him. You'd have to out maneuver him. He’d seen you fight stronger opponents before so you’d have to think outside the box on this one. You move out from under the spear the release of your counter force causing Din to stumble forward. You turn aiming for his shin, but his arm reaches back the spear stopping your hit from connecting with his armour. You circle round him so you're once again face to face giving him enough time to stand back up. He turns quickly, swinging the spear as he does, aiming for your waist. You jump over the swipe landing behind him, hitting him in the back.

“Point to me.” you say

“No using the force” he says, turning to look down at you, his presence suddenly looming.

“I wasn't, I can just jump really high!” You lie.

“Likely story” he says brushing past you as he moves back to his starting spot

“What was that I said about crying earlier?” you question.

He's got you talking too long and he sweeps your feet out from under you knocking you on your ass and gently tapping you on the head with the spear.

“Point me” he says, offering you his hand.

“That was dirty” you say as he hoists you up.

“Who says we're playing clean sweetheart?” The term catches both of you off guard, but he's flustered himself more than you, allowing you to land the next two points.

“Hope your ego isn't too hurt darling.” you mock back at him as metal and light collide once again.

“It’s not over yet” he says, using all his strength to march you back towards the wall pinning you against it with his spear.

“You need to work on your attack, you leave a lot open” he says, breathing heavily.

“You need to work on a codpiece, it leaves a lot open” you retort, kneeing him in the groin, hard enough for him to drop you, but not so hard that it kept him down for long.

“Not enough beskar” he murmurs, hoping to get the last word in.

“Oh big brag for a man who just lost several games of Dejarik in a row and” your sentence is cut short as the spear taps the small of your back giving him the winning point

“And what?”

“Oh real classy Din, can’t win a fair fight” you say hand on your hip.

“It was fair considering I wasn't going 100%”

‘Oh you weren't” you mock, the smile telling him you were amused and not upset by his antics, the gentle slap on his arm further verifying this. The moments like this were nice, but as you continue to gain on your target they became fleeting. The Mandalorian watches as your ability to focus waivers, your frustration becoming increasingly evident in your training. Miraculously, you hadn't sliced through anything important, but the ship’s interior was constantly needing to be patched up. At least it kept him occupied and out of your hair. You looked like you were fighting a hidden battle, one he would gladly fight with you, if you'd let him. He didn’t know the full extent of your struggle, but he knew the anger he felt simmering inside you wasn't being aided by your refusal to sleep.

Your irritability, although caused by exerting tremendous energy keeping the figure at bay, was no excuse for the times you had lashed out at the Mandalorian. The most recent outburst occurred when he'd stepped on your foot after you had explicitly told him to watch out. In hindsight, threatening to melt his beskar down and turn it into a hearing aid for him so he could stop being such a nerf herder was a touch harsh. Alright, incredibly harsh especially considering he'd attempted to apologize before you went off on him.

“Sorry I threatened the beskar” you murmur sitting down next to him

“Are you going to tell me what's going on?” he asks

“Going on where” you ask

“Well it can't just be air in your head” he jokes, causing you to laugh for the first time in a few days.

“Seriously though , I'm sorry Ive been out of line, and it's not fair on you, you’ve been so understanding.”

“You know what might help with the outbursts?”

“A lecture?” you remark, your tone harsher than intended

“No, sleep, you should try it sometime”

“I'm fine without it” you say, the yawn escaping your lips contradicting your words.

“You should sleep.”

“ You don’t.” you remark hoping to catch him off guard, but he's obviously rehearsed this conversation a few times.

“ I don’t need to.”

“Neither do I.” You lie, almost a year later and you still had no idea how he slept so little, though your current working theory was that he would just take naps under the helmet when he thought he could get away with it.

“No, you can't sleep, there's a distinct difference.”

Not wanting to lash out at him for the third time that day and knowing he was right, you make a swift exit. You push the button that opens up to the tight sleeping quarters where you'd spent many hours lying awake. You were hoping that you'd reached an exhaustion point where your body would just shut down. You lay back on the bed not bothering with the covers, you weren't expecting to get comfortable. Anya had stopped trying to sleep in the same bed as you, usually getting inadvertently kicked or shoved out the bed by your constant movements. Your eyes can’t have been closed for more than a minute when they snap open. Despite their alertness your body's gone limp. What fresh hell was this? As your eyes adjust to the darkness you can only just make out the hauntingly familiar shape sitting at the edge of your bed. You go to call out for the Mandalorian, but no sound is emitted, nothing comes out at all not even air. You watch helplessly as the figure's arm extends ensnaring you in a choke hold, the yellow iris shining out beneath the hood, confirming your worst fear. A Sith. You scream yourself awake, the force causing items to fly to the ground, no doubt alerting the Mandalorian. You bring your knees to your chest grabbing at your scalp telling yourself it wasn’t real, but it didn't matter what you said. The truth was you couldn’t tell anymore all lines had blurred together. You get up off the bed looking around the room already exhausted at having to clean up yet another mess you had made. You lean over picking up the weapons that had fallen off the armoury hanging them back up when you hear the Mandalorian drop down the sound startling you.

“I'm sorry” you mutter embarrassed, not looking up as you move to grab the few dishes currently lying on the floor.

“What did I say about breaking the ship?” he says, chuckling slightly in an attempt to lighten the mood. He bends down to help you but you grab his arm stopping him.

“I made the mess. I'll clean it up.” You say gathering up the utensil and placing them back on the table absentmindedly stroking your throat as you turn to pick up the rest. As you reach for the chess board he grabs your hands, intertwining his fingers with yours, leading you back over to the bed.

“Get some rest, I'll clean up,” he says softly, sitting you down on the bed.

“Stop telling me what to do Din, besides it's not working.”

“You need to sleep.”

“I can’t and unless you can think up a way to make me then were shit out of luck.”

“I can think of a few ways.” he mumbles hoping it was loud enough for you to hear.

“Like what? Knocking me out with a blaster?” you scoff

“ A less violent way,” The words leave his mouth before he can fully assess the pros and cons of what he was offering to do.

“Reciting the entire code of conduct of the mandalore race to me?” Gods, how were you still not getting this.

“A less boring way.” He prays that you either catch on or he passes away suddenly so as to save him from any further embarrassment.

“Oh” you punctuate, lips parted slightly suddenly realizing exactly what was being offered to you “you think you can tire me out?”

“Only if you want.” he says, more confident now you hadn't outright rejected him

“Well I have been dying to see what’s under that armour”

“ You’ve seen it before”, and you couldn't wait to see it again.

“Not all of it”

“The helmet stays on,” he asserts.

“Not what I was referring to.” He stands there for a moment unsure how to proceed, not wanting to have misread the situation. “Well are you just going to stand there or are you not a man of your word?” That’s all the encouragement he needs.

“You want me to stop at any time, you just say so cyar’ika”

Once again the Mandalorian was right ; he was able to tire you out. Neither of you say anything after both at a loss for words, and not wanting to ruin the moment by saying the wrong thing. You fall asleep with his arm wrapped securely around your waist, as the other runs up and down your back. His heartbeat lulling you into a deep sleep, his presence managing to stay off any nightmares, at least for now.

He stays with you long after you’ve dozed off watching your back rise and fall in time with your breathing, he thanks the gods you were finally resting. He intently studies the faint purple markings covering your body, wondering how long they'd been there. His hand then tracing over the scars on your back, he wants to know how you got them. He wanted to know everything. Once this was all a distant memory he’d ask, if you chose to stick around that is. Knowing you won't want to find him in your bed when you wake up, he slides his arm from your waist and quietly, so as not to wake you, he puts his clothes back on. Re-donning his armour he heads back upstairs to check on the ship.

Your body shivers inadvertently at the loss of heat and your eyes slowly open. The room’s still dark, but the Mandalorian had gone. He must have left sometime in the night presumably his way of telling you it was a one off. Knowing Din to be a man of few words you knew talking about what had just happened was fully off the table. You sit up and stretch out, allowing your elbows to pop and your shoulders to crack as you roll them out, feeling a way that you hadn't felt in months. Well rested. Making your way over to the fresher you allow the water to wash over you removing any remaining scent attributed to the Mandalorian. After dressing you head up to the cockpit, slightly bow legged from the night before. You’d had your fair share of lovers and for a human, he was very well endowed and very eager to please.

“How far” you ask brushing any thoughts about last night from your head as you shoo Anya off your seat.

“You’re up sooner than I thought.” He says looking at you. He’d noticed the slight stagger in your walk causing him to smirk under the helmet, but the smile fades when you don’t look down.

“How far are we?” you ask again, picking up Anya who’s refused to move of her own volition.

“Close. About last night” he starts, wanting to make sure everything was okay, and that you weren’t regretting what had happened.

“ Look, we don’t have to talk about it. I know it wasn’t a big deal.” You say.

“It may not be a big deal for you.” you don't know why, but you take that tone as being pointed, referring specifically to your time spent in the rings.

“Why? because I've slept with half the galaxy? Something I did in order to survive an environment let’s not forget you put me in?” you spit out

“ No, I-I didn’t mean,” he starts. It's the first time you've ever heard him stumble over his words.

“ You never do.” You say, shutting him up for the remainder of the trip.

“Dropping out now.’ He says, 5 days, that's how long it had taken to get to where you were going, whoever was on the planet was committed to not being found, or at least committed to having you as sleep deprived as possible.

You step out with the Mandalorian close behind you, the planet's surface reflecting the ship's underlights back into its metal exterior. The mirrored rock had sprouted out into various forms and sharp geometric shapes, resulting in a beautiful, but sinister skyline.

“You sure this is the place? Doesn't look like any living thing could survive here.”

“Yes, I can sense a disturbance. You stay here with Anya.” you say placing a hand on his chest plate.

“No way.” Din responds

“I have to do this alone. It's too dangerous for you.”

“For me?” he says in disbelief.

“Wait here if i'm not back within the hour, leave.” You state ignoring his last question.

“ I'll give you two for good measure” he offers, holding out a blaster for you to take.

“It won't help.” You say pushing it back towards him before pulling up your hood and setting off into the unknown. Once he's sure you're out of sight, he follows you.

You close your eyes, letting your senses lead you through the sharpened planet careful not to cut yourself on the dark obsidian refelcting blurred images of the stars. A rock snaps under your foot and your eyes open. A voice calls out to you, uttering your name.

“Who are you.” you ask aloud, turning to face the cloaked figure who stands before you.

“ That is not important” he answers, lips not moving. Telepathy. So that’s how he'd gotten into your head.

“You tried to kill me I think it's at least relevant.” You return in thought.

“You came alone.” he asks, yellow eyes darting from side to side, despite the power this figure held you send a nervousness harboured deep within him, perhaps you should have brought the Mandalorian along with you.

“ Yes” you lie, hoping your force was strong enough to shield the bounty hunter.

“Good.” he snarled.

“Why did you kill me.” you ask not wanting to beat around the bush

“To see if I could. I needed to see your abilities, you’re stronger than I thought if you brought yourself back to life. The empire is rebuilding”, he offers not clearing the situation up in the least

“The empire died with Palpatine, they’re nothing but warmongering desolates now” you say shaking your head, not believing you had flown halfway across the galaxy for this.

“That’s what they have told you. We have been growing an army, led by the spirit of the emperor. We are seeking those with your abilities to help us rebuild.”

“You’ve lost your mind. The Sith were defeated long ago, the Jedi with them.” You turn to leave, no longer fearing this man, he holds no power over you.

“No” he shrieks, the sound drawing your gaze back to him, the noise frightening you slightly “You cannot leave. You cannot go. You will join us and rebuild a stronger galaxy.”

“I have no interest in joing a cult of fear and genocide.” you state calmly.

“It is more than a cult I offer you, something much better, power.” he was getting desperate, a few more days without sleep and you may have fallen for it.

“Power to what? Give you all the blood in my body so you can commit futile experiments on innocent people. You cannot create force sensitivity nor can you push it on someone who it has not chosen. Join you? No, I'll have to pass. Death and destruction will not be my path.”

“Not yet, but it will be. I see it in you, the pain, the sadness, the loneliness, that will all disappear once you join us.”

“Over my dead body” You say drawing your sabre. A violent clash of red and purple ricochet off the mirrored rock, lighting up the shadowed planets.

“Your grandmother trained you well.” He exclaims.

“ If you knew her then you should know that i'd never turn” You continue the fight. Managing to back him into a rock wall. Holding saber at his throat the light purple hue gleaning in the yellow irises beneath his hood.

“I understand why you ambushed me, not much of a fighter are you.” you snarl, pushing the saber into the robe, the scent of burning fabric filling the air. Then you feel it, the pulse of the fibers interwoven throughout the galaxy, something’s amiss. Something else appears under the glow of you saber, yellowed teeth, smiling under the light. You release him pushing yourself back, he wants you to kill him.

“ Do not fear it, I have seen this moment. It is what begins your reign”

“No” you say aloud to yourself, “No” you repeat turning off the saber and turning to leave.

“If you let me live, I kill the man with you.”

The Mandalorian whose been watching from afar hasn’t heard a word spoken in a while, watching you move towards him he thinks it must be over, whoever this person was, Sith or not, you must have come to an agreement. He almost walks out from his hiding spot when you stop dead in your tracks. He sees you look up, your eyes meeting his but only for a moment, before you pivot back to face the man.

“There’s…” you start.

“Don’t play me for a fool child, I have been playing this game long before you were even a thought in your mothers pretty little head. I know he is here. I know what you feel for him. You kill me and in time you will betray him, but you’d rather that, than lose him altogether.”

There's no thought process, no decision to make. With a flick of your wrist you throw the saber. You watch as it slices through the Siths neck before returning to your hand. You close it as his head tumbles to the ground. If Ashoka's words were a warning this, this was an omen. You had made a choice and now a path of irredeemably evil was laid before you. A path you were not prepared to drag anyone else down.

“I know you're there” you say after composing yourself. “I told you not to follow me.” You say making your way to the Mandalorians hiding spot.

“Are you alright? What did he say to you?” he asks, reaching a hand out for your arm.

“Nothing.” You say dodging him. The less he knew the safer he'd be. You weighed your options in your head on the walk back, but you knew there was only one way to avoid harming anyone. You had to hide away, become anonymous. Fall back into legend, never to be seen again. It was the only way Grogu would be safe, it was the only way Cara would be safe, it was the only way Din would be safe. As the ship takes off you say three words that would change everything.

“Take me home.”

“We're on route to Hoth now,” he says reassuringly.

“No, take me to my home. Grogu is back and safe. Our deal is done. Our alliance is over” You say, eyes plastered to the windshield.

“What did he say to you?” Din stresses, but you don’t answer. Silence was the only way to stop him from convincing you to stay.

“Don’t shut me out” he says slamming his hand on the panel. You don’t flinch, you don’t even look up. “We can figure this out together.” He says softly, if you hadn’t known any better you would have thought he was pleading with you.

“You’ve done enough. Take me home. If you don’t the force will.” He resets the GPS coordinates before standing up and dropping downstairs. Anya muzzles into you as you let out a sigh blinking back the tears you felt forming.