#that man and a camera are all I need
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New Evans⊠at the Orange Tree..
From Jasmineâs IG
#shaun evans#here in america#orange tree theatre#shaun does theatre#that man and a camera are all I need#Shaun takes photos#black and white photography
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BOOK 7 EN UPDATE DAY!!! only good things happen to them ur honor mhm mhm
BONUS: imagine they magically have cameras in that time period
#twisted wonderland#and then i get banished back to work#HAHNSJSJS#lilinor#LILINORVAN#in another universe#theyre all happy and well#no bad things happened idk what ur talking about#lilia vanrouge#disney twisted wonderland#general lilia#meleanor draconia#twst meleanor#levan draconia#raverne draconia#baul zigvolt#book 7 spoilers#book 7 twst#artists on tumblr#tacc0yak1art#twst lilia#baul is already tall but he needs to be TALLER to be the camera man
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my dark link thoughts coalesced into wonderful headcanons and crazy amounts of forced perspectives and dutch angles
also sorry HW i would have included your dark link(s) but i do not have passion for your game <3 maybe next time
Some thoughts below
I have thoughts about dark link that boil down to basically two things: 1. it's always the same dark link, and 2. dark link has a very difficult time changing.
No matter how many times dark link is brought into existence, he is formed from the shadow of link usually to test link's will. that shadow can be duplicated (as seen in HW) but generally speaking it's the same guy, sharing the thought space, you know how it is. In terms of sentience/thinking for himself, I don't think there's all that much of it. He is a dark reflection/shadow of link, so shares his abilities and thought patterns (for combat) with added aggression and. evil. i guess.
As said by navi, "conquer yourself", and all that. He's a challenge to the inner will power.
That being said!!! he can have a little bit of individuality, as a treat. Just in the form of being mean and sadistic <3 he's got thoughts, he's not just a combat doll (tho in times of low power, or a greater power having the reins, he reverts to that), so he can be frustrated, vindicated, happy, etc etc. though when your thoughts are mainly "evilevilevilevilevil" your idea of these emotions are a bit skewed.
When he's summoned for each different link, i hc that it's all the same magic, so the same dark link every time. he "remembers" in an abstract sense of his role in the same way a link or zelda "remembers" their own reincarnation. tho his is less of a reincarnation and more being used over and over again. a persistence.
The iteration that's summoned reflects the current link at the time, the part of link that needs testing/defeating, so it's not an existence that he himself can change to match the present. he's locked to that first copy/shadow only. So if he were to have a second encounter with an older link, he'd look like the first time they fought, unless he was specifically re-summoned. i hc he's got limited magic, so this is not something he can do himself.
in a links-meet scenario, his form would be limited to those specific forms of the links, and it would always be the points in time in which he first encountered them, unless there's other magic either he or someone else has access to to allow him to change forms to match.
now you might be saying at this point "wouldn't he be a weaker match if he was put up against an older link?" yeah probably lol. but also!!! i like the idea that with the limited magic he has, he's able to change juuuust enough to stay relatively evenly matched. being able to play to different strengths and all that. but the base stuff is still the same, so he is decently easy enough to read if link remembers the kind of stuff he was pulling back when he originally fought dark link.
dark link also knows about all this so while limited to the particular skillset, is able to adapt slightly.
but yeah been thinking a lot about a links-meet au where dark link is there choosing a different link to be every time he appears to the party.
though there are a couple links that he never impersonates in their games!!! so can't change into those guys unless he gets a new round of copycat magic.
Anyways goodbye guy standing there with standard camera angle, i have dutch angles and forced perspective
#Spirit Tracks#Zelda 2#The Adventure of Link#Ocarina of Time#Legend of Zelda#loz#zelda 2 the adventure of link#loz aol#loz oot#loz st#Legend of Zelda Spirit Tracks#Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time#Dark Link#dink#link#teehee thinking about this was fun#hope yall enjoy some of my thoughts :0#ofc this all hcs so be nice<3#tho i would love to discuss yalls thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and yalls own hcs!!!!!!!!!!!!! if you have them!!!!!!!!!!!!#shout out to the zelda 2 official art that's where i got the AoL link design#i kinda want to take the top left one and make it into a full piece#it was a lot of fun to do#such a fun camera angle and perspective <333#man i need to play spirit tracks#there's probably several hacks out there i just need to get my hands on one#also technically the dark link in st is wearing the green tunic but i wanted to draw the conductor outfit cuz that's THE fit!!!!!!!!!!#also he doesn't blink/close his eyes when you defeat him <3#also yes you can tell i have a favorite#peace and love on planet earth <3
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Vanha Kauppahalli date: en full, a 2 minute 50 second masterpiece...
Primetime Panthers | 11.6.24 (x)
#aleksander barkov#matthew tkachuk#florida panthers#2425#the global series is a gift#âalright talk to me what do we got?â with the camera following behind them makes it seems like theyre spies doing reconnaissance#the start to a thriller where they got sent to finland stake out for intelligence#maffhew not even waiting for sasha to answer before hes asks about chocolate#âthe purple one you always bringâ maffhew has been charmed by sashas leaving choco in stalls as gifts when he comes back from finland huh#you can tell he says that with depravity of a man who finally realises he doesnt need to rely on his supplier he can get it himself now#âuh oh [laughs] okay... what is this?â maffhew was not prepared for all the food to already be ready for him he just hopped off a plane and#expected to have to wait more and did not and absolutely does not trust the situation in the same way you get romantic candlelit-dinnered#and youre like alright whats all this then whats your angle what are you doing#âthis is salmon and rye bread đâ â(with the eagerness to prove hes smart and engaged) so is that đâ â(charmed) and so is that đ«±â#âill try your favourite firstâ GURL RELAX OKAY SETTLE DOWN YOURE IN A NEW COUNTRY JUST CHILL MAN#âsalmon and rye breadâthats the famous one đ€â [sasha nodding along because he has to reassure maffhew but also hes in the middle of eating]#maffhew choosing the most inopportune time and you can TELL sasha is like [swallows quickly] because he wants to answer but also BIG BITE#âherringâ âherrin' đ€ ?â âeating all this her-RINGâ no notes#âis this just another salmon on rye breadâ he says with hope because he likes salmon but also disappointment (he wants to try more foods)#âdifferent salmon? smoked?â the amount of questions hes askijg because hes so terribly engaged he wants to know and sashas like [shrug]#he has to get an A+ in experiencing finland which is normal to want and possible to achieve#âi still love your country thoughâ and sasha explodes into the mirthful grin ive seen in my life like he just won the damn jackpot#he speaks at 100 mph like please take a deep breath sweetheart youre excitement is papable but PLEASE#THE WAY HE GETS SO UNSURE WHEN HE MENTIONS BARKY HATES THAT FOOD WHEN HE LIKED IT SO MUCH#MAFFHEW YOU CAN GET A PASSING GRADE IN EXPERIENCING FINLAND IF YOU STICK TO YOUR GUNS I PROMISE#SASHA HELP A GUY OUT HERE MAN THROW HIM A BONE#SASHA ONLY LAUGHS AS MAFFHEW THROWS HIMSELF INTO A TIZZY OVER THIS YOU ARE SOOOOOO#the chuckle when sasha mentions he had runebergin torttu in school... id like to know what was funny there#we call out sasha for being too lovesick and laughing at all of maffhews âjokesâ BUT HES JUST AS BAD???#âwhat the hell do i do with this thing?â MAFFHEW HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN MERENGUE IN YOUR LIFE???
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Yk, I hate that adaptations keep making Peter a high schooler, and not just because it means he never evolves, but because the adaptations now also include wider Marvel, whitch usually (thanks to the MCU) is at the modern day stage with legacy characters and new age teen heroes, meaning that Peter is taking up Miles' spot and you can really tell when they put him next to someone like Kamala Khan or Sam Alexander who are Miles' pals. Tho Peter taking Miles' stuff is just a modern issue overall, just look at MCU whitch just stole and re-skinned Miles' personality, characters, story-beats, even the costume to an extent and then made it worse.
agree đ
#sci speaks#sci. release the script doctor you did where it actually was miles in the mcu and peter parker is a grown ass man.#it was funny. peter was a really bad intern at stark industries#who stole stark tech on the sly.#and of course. tony catches wind of this because he has cameras everywhere and. those cameras happened to also catch.#him sneaking out of work as spider-man.#and tony ropes him into civil war or whatever because otherwise he could Literally press charges.#and peter's :((((((((#begrudgingly joins tony's side.#in the post credit we see that he's been gathering stark tech to build miles morales some very neato webshooters.#and voil.a. miles is the star of homecoming and. peter is the mentor figure that encourages miles to start small.#miles: but YOU teamed up with the avengers a#peter: do as i SAY not as i DO.#sighs. so little would have to change.#but no more child soldiers and no more over exposure of tony stark. fantastic. superb.#also showing a slightly sneakier peter parker who isn't exactly entirely morally upstanding.#steals from billionares while they're not looking to serve the people who need it.#robin hood figure !! sexy. would falll to my knees for a peter parker like that. would be my favourite on screen peter ever.#and it puts him more in an interesting spot with the villains in the movies too.#if we still go with the route of all the villains being affiliated with stark tech and stealing / using stark tech#then peter is like. in a more complex role in the story. he stole stark tech too. is he better than the criminals?#he uses it for good. he thinks. but that's his judgement.#just i think it would be neat. all the âyou're just like meâ rhetoric falls so flat in those movies.#but what if it hit different.#but that would be if marvel had the courage to make a complex spider-man movie#where peter parker is allowed to make morally complex decisions asides for âuhh. stupid kid makes stupid mistakesâ#sci talks movies
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my personal atsv hobie brown hc is that this boy can build a watch that enables the wearer to travel to any dimension they want to, made entirely out of cobbled up parts he "finds"
but anytime anyone brings up AI or algorithms or social media he pretends to be 100 years old
hobie: what's a bloody "snapchat"? fuckin 'ell those effects are nightmarish, mate
miles, exasperated: hobie, you BUILD TECH that astrophysicists in my dimension can't even replicate. how are filters on a phone trippin you up?
hobie: dunno, everyone's got their strengths n weaknesses, i 'spose... đđ
#mine#hobie brown#i need to start tagging my shit appropriately man i need to organize my posts OUCH#my blog is lookin a damn mess#anyways yeah hope this resonates with someone out there#imo i dont think hobie doesnt GET ai and algorithms#im p sure he can rip apart and put together an entire computer AND code software on it to perfection#but its the principle of the thing!!#algorithms that decide what to show you based on previous activityâŠ?#NOT hobie brown approved at all đ#why have computers do the thinking for you when youre trying to find ENTERTAINMENT? doesnt make a lick of sense#and so here we are#he refuses to even deal with soc media#fuck that noise#the second he learned about ring cameras he hit the damn ceiling đ#spiderverse
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quick guys look at my fave matt photos
only being able to add 10 photos is criminal bc i have way more i need to share with the world. anyways heâs my little pretty princess i love him <3333
#he is my entire camera roll#i cannot stop saving photos of him#i love matt dierkes more than life itself#heâs all i think about#all day every day#i need him so desperately#heâs all i want#heâs my dream man unfortunately#why is he not in my bed yet??#matt dierkes#matt <3#bad omens#bad omens cult#noah sebastian#jolly karlsson#nicholas ruffilo#nick folio#badomens
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Once again thinking about auâs of other heroes trying to figure out Spideyâs identity and getting way off base:
MJ has a stint as a fashion model for a bit and only trusted Peter to take her photos (worried about being sabotaged by other people in the industry)
And she makes sure to drill into his head all the stuff that sheâs modeling as well as any other fashion things she thinks he needs to know about (a mix of what she just wants him to know, and so that no one can try and say he doesnât belong there)
So it keeps coming out every now and then that Spiderman is weirdly knowledgeable about fashion trends and designers and stuff, and everyone has different theories for why he would know all that
(Johnny Storm is convinced Spidey is a model)
#Spiderman#spider man#spider-man#Peter Parker#MJ#mary jane watson#I just like imagining MJ bouncing from actress to model and back again#just likes being in front of a camera!#johnny storm#I also like imagining that every time MJ needs a pic of herself she gets Peter to do it#he knows all her best angles
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just rewatched the first venom.
loved the part where venom made out with eddie sloppy style
#idk how but i have a more trained eye for sfx now?#because this time around while watching this movie i noticed in certain moments how live action was blended into like a cgi camera shot#i mean i didn't have to look all that hard#but it was more obvious to me this time#also with the cgi'd corpses and such#love the movie. best marvel movie ever#idc about any other marvel stuff venom trilogy is all i care about and need in my life#venom the monsterfucker#eddie the loser normal man with enough rizz to charm and keep a symbiote#love those guys. i hope V3TLD is three hours long and they have copious symbrock love making scenes#symbrock#venom#venom the last dance#id love to watch venom2 right after this one but It Is almost 1 am and i have morning things to do. the worst kind#so this will have to wait
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Been a while since Iâve drawn anything but guess what
A fanart! For the fic âMissingâby @zoiaeras !
Honestly itâs more of how I imagine Peterâs design to be rather than a fanart, cause usually when I do a fanart I either draw a scene or as Iâve lately been doing draw what I imagine the cover would look like (to be fair I kinda drew the breakfast scene? )
So this is more like a very small character sheets?? And the design is wrong a bit (his hair is supposed to be a bit longer but I only ingrained the choppy hair part)
Tried to keep the blue and red of his spidey suit in, but darker and paler to show the effects Gotham had on him
Honestly the fic is amazing! and the pacing is a chef kiss, and the comedy is on point for me and what I love the most about this is that itâs doing other stuff rather than just sticking to the norm of peter - Gotham crossover
Other characters are present, there is a plot being made and the characterization makes sense for the life the characters lived, and weâre even out of Gotham and introducing other superheroes to the plot like Superman and the flash and also villains like lex Luther
And whatâs fun about this fic is that currently, the strongest thing Peter have is his brain, but he is still stupid outside of building stuff (I love this adorable bean)
My most favorite thing about it is probably the plot point and that things are actually happening with consequences to them that change the status que of the fic
The fic feels like a never stopping train wreck about to happen and Iâm so excited to see just how big the crash will be and how sharp the debris left of it are
Honestly I can go on and on about this fic forever but thatâs mean more spoiler which is a big no no
Just know that if you want a dc x peter crossover, with more justice league characters in it, this is the fic for you
#also he has freckles cause whatâs better excuse to give him freckles than him being in a slightly different body?#by the way he doesnât have a camera in the fic I know#but I wanted to have him hold something#and not just stand like a stick#also fun fact#his shoes not only is made of 30% duct tape#itâs also a signal merchandise#I would like to think he likes signal#cause he is the only day time hero in Gotham#and Spider-Man used to be a day time hero too#also nighttime occasionally but whatever#I wonder whoâs his favorite bat#Damian is out already lol#but I love the beef peter have with Damian#they already act like siblings now all they need is for Bruce to get the adoption paper out of his pockets already#also did I say how much I loved the falling gun scene in the library?#absolutely hilarious#ok ok no more spoilers#guys you gotta read this#fanart#art#digital art#another fanart#ao3 fanfic#ao3#spider man#peter parker in dc
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Some fantasy traveler inventory details (like what they would carry in their bags), based on two of the recent costumes I did.. love finding random little scraps and items and putting them together lol
#it's obvious who's is who's since they match their outfits HOWEVER.. consider if they were switched lol#evil villain looking man carrying around pressed flowers in a cutesy lacy pouch#fantasy costume#what's in my bag#actualyl that would have been funny to make a video. I should make a video#I'm sure someone else has already done this#but like.. lifestyle vlogger type content however I'm dressed in fully costume as some weird elf or something#pulling things out of my bag and showing them to the camera and talking about how they're useful for whatever#but it's all fantasy scenarios and talking like it's very common#'and of course. i know it's a bit cliche#EVERY traveler has one of these. but you know. theyre just useful! thats why everyone has one!' *pulls out a completely unrecognizable item#thats like some weird fantasy world prop and doesn't even explain it because In-world it's normal and wouldnt need to be talked about*#'room tour' video and it's just like 'yeah I sleep on this mat under a bunch of trees uh.. over here by these rocks. at least right now. I#kind of wander around a bit. so'#Like a clothing haul but it's a potions shop haul or something and they ramble about some obscure drama in the potions community and how the#y hard to barter and steal and entire flock of sheep or something just to get one of them. etc. etc.#I could do ones for different characters too like. multiple people from different walks of life showing what they carry around with them.#just like this but more interview sort of vlog format instead of photos#This is where not having much money and not having my own house with land becomes an issue though#I think it would take you out of the illusion if the background was always the same. I can make small sets because there's one blank wall in#a room that it's easy to move all the stuff away from in front of and clear a spot and like hang up fabrics or whatever but still.. hmms#So one of those 'fun idea but dubious about handling the execution' things. also One Of Those Things where without looking it up you're 100%#sure it's already been done and you don't want to look weird since it's vaguely niche. Like if 100 people have done something it's fine but#if only like 3 other people have then you look weird maybe ghhjbj.. or only one other person gods forbid. looks even weirder potentially#Or do people not care about ''copying'' anymore?? idk. I'm not updated with the internet's changing culture. I just have a fear of accidenta#lly doing something like that and then people getting mad even though it's really just that I competely had no idea it had been done because#again.. I live under a rock and am unaware of everything lol. ANYWAY. also would require my face being on video which I don't like. Though I#would be in costume so that helps. I think to be fully comfortable I'd need light modifications to make my face look different. which isn't#hard but is more effort when it has to be translatable in multiple angles. ANYWAY. ghjbhj... Now I think it would be funny actually. maybe#one day. I haven't made any videos (aside from on the gameplay/sims channel) in a long long time actually. hmm'st
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okay i know you probably have enough drawing ideas for giant k but i just had this idea invade me.
you know how in snow white (not just the disney version) she pushes together the beds and sleeps on like 3 or more of them sideways? anyway giant k sleeping on 3 beds pushed together. and now i'm just picturing giant k as snow white and everyone else as the various dwarves
Ohoho big brain!!! đđđ Big brain. I love this idea so much and not just because Snow White is my favourite fairy tale hdjsbdbdfh
Thank you!!! Of course I have to draw it and not just once, let's make it into a comic! Let's gooo
Giant K series #16: once upon a time, in a land far, far away...
To be continued đ
#thank you so much 𧥠i was rotating it in my head all this time#sorry it took so long đ (it will take even longer because im planning a continuation)#i did some math and looks like this princess needs at least 4 beds#and there is never enough ideas for giant k đ„ș i feel so moved that people care enough to come up with new stuff for this little series đ#thank you#ask#hazzybat#i based them specifically on the 7 Zwerge movie series because the dwarves are average sized men there do you get it#this ask made me rewatch the first movie and it is still so good hdjdhbshdh can i explain who is who? of course i can this is my blog#mikke is tschakko because to me there is some tschakko quality to him. even more so than jere for some reason#and he can carry his cameras in those bags#jesse is brummboss because he's the manager#lĂ€rvinen as cookie because if KÀÀrijĂ€ has a friend who runs a cooking show then i am making a use of this knowledge#jaakko as sunny because he has this cheerful energy. allu as cloudy because he's always so cool. jukka as speedy because he's a polite fella#hÀÀrijĂ€ is bubi. the mascot the childish man the little menace#and securityman as ralphie because they are built similar i guess#yee#giant k series#kÀÀrijĂ€#rpf#art by op#my art#fanart#also when i watched the movie as a child i always felt so sad about ralphie being constantly rejected#and this might have influenced the way i write giants up to this day. now look. this has come full circle#đ„č
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would you please elaborate on your comment "renowned hack frank miller" ? i haven't read much from him yet but i like to listen to informed people tell me why [thing] sucks because it's funnier than dc wiki
when someone tells me their favourite comic writer is frank miller my response is the same as when someone tells me their favourite films are american psycho and fight club â i immediately prepare for an irish exit from the convo.
both (some of) millerâs work and those films are influential pieces of art with explicit political ideology, but while american psycho and fight club are (frequently) misinterpreted satire, miller is genuine to the point of hilarity.
if u consume batman as a character in any capacity u cannot escape millerâs influence â batman: year one is the pretty definitive starting point for most fans (and filmmakers, like matt reeves with the batman 2022), and millerâs visual style is a cornerstone for modern comics. the dark knight returns effectively changed how comics were viewed by readers, and is credited with kickstarting the modern age of comic books. i cannot emphasise that even if u havenât read a miller book u have certainly encountered someone else inspired by his work.
with that said â miller writes like how a racist libertarian who believes his own hype would write about superheroes. greta, u must be wondering, that seems like an awfully specific descriptor to assign to someone. and normally u would be right!
the because im batman schtick that every sixteen year old nolan stan with a twitter account ran into the ground circa 2014 started because of miller, and his success in the 80s led to a number of ill advised projects fueled by his own hype. all star batman and robin was an uncritical interpretation of bruce that embodies all the worst misinterpretations of dc characters, including the justice league, that miller then tried to espouse was satire. unfortunately, he is not smart enough to punch up instead of down â the absurd hypersexualisation of women doesnât become satire just because youâre laughing at readers in the script, frank.
this, in turn, led to one of the most virulently racist comics ever published â 2011âs islamophic nightmare fuel holy terror. he should not be taken seriously as a creative force, and he should not be the foundation of what comics should be. at least alan moore is marginally less obnoxious and fully admits that the killing joke was a bad idea.
#itâs also worth saying that his art is so fucking ugly#batman#dc comics#the ask and the answer#all my homies hate frank miller#i think about the linkara review of all star batman and robin whenever i need to see a man have a full mental breakdown on camera
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The greatest thing that vol.2 could give me is higher resolution versions of HMS & not the 3 pixels that is Light
#i just need a photo of HMS that's not 430p man#i know its just the camera CJ had at the time but like these redraws are so difficult when its 5 pixels with 30 filters over it#his hair becomes a pixilated mess that i cannot decipher#like SUYS you can see him SO SO clearly#only difficulty is the blinding color filter over it that blends some details#you can go from a soft pretty pink to the most violently pink highlighter blasting you in the eyes#i say all this with /lh intent cos like bro had to start somehow#but man its difficult lol#like bro what is your face what is the wall & where to they stop cos I CANNOT see it there is only pink#chonny jash#moss post
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i did not expect forsy and bo to be the greatest comedy duo to grace this earth but despite my tenure here i am pleasantly surprised all the same
each addition to the "this is the best day of your life untilâ" hypothetical is another glimpse into how this man ranks his priorities which apparently least to most is:
marriageâkidsâdrafted by the nhlâfirst goal
happy papa alert! happy papa alert!
Forsy Cup Day | 8.2.24 (x)
#gustav forsling#florida panthers#forsy i need a camera on you at all times like youre the otters at the monterey bay aquarium#its a need#bo with a vacant look on his face as his papa babbles nonsense#unmatched really#taking your son out for fishing? babes it starts out young for us men#(says the thing that doesnt really identify as a man persay but its the closest thing in the current lexicon to describe em)#anyways it was really weird how much nostalgia of pier/rock fishing hit me like a truck seeing this clip#so like thanks for reminding me of my daddy issues forsy very nice đ
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you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.
you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.
so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.
you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.
you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.
you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.
you know you broke the rule by interacting.
but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.
#before i maybe get yelled at:#1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even#though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism#2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them#3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have#encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in#nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally#about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person.#4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces#and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too.#5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided#tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla#6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things.#7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl#i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know?#8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this#nyarla dni#<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks#adding this wayy later but a crucial part of the experience i Almost talked about it this but never explicitly did was that like#the measures ppl take to 'defend against men' are often deeply transmisogynistic as well. obviously#and when i see that it hurts me too. not that it hits me the same way when strangers assume im a trans woman and hate me for it#but it doesn't feel good to see transphobia at all. i focused on how that relates to other kinds of transphobia#namely transandrophobia here but like. it's all connected. lesbain separatism + exclusionism relies on both and they aren't always#distinct experiences. ime. anyway trans ppl i love all of you forever#i just thought me writing â*turns to the camera* and trans women exp this too.' wouldve been too much even for this post#i figured the audience would like. know that. and so far it hasn't been an issue. i have not been yelled at thanks guys đ«¶
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