#also nighttime occasionally but whatever

[greenfrogartist]

Been a while since I’ve drawn anything but guess what

A fanart! For the fic “Missing”by @zoiaeras !

Honestly it’s more of how I imagine Peter’s design to be rather than a fanart, cause usually when I do a fanart I either draw a scene or as I’ve lately been doing draw what I imagine the cover would look like (to be fair I kinda drew the breakfast scene? )

So this is more like a very small character sheets?? And the design is wrong a bit (his hair is supposed to be a bit longer but I only ingrained the choppy hair part)

Tried to keep the blue and red of his spidey suit in, but darker and paler to show the effects Gotham had on him

Honestly the fic is amazing! and the pacing is a chef kiss, and the comedy is on point for me and what I love the most about this is that it’s doing other stuff rather than just sticking to the norm of peter - Gotham crossover

Other characters are present, there is a plot being made and the characterization makes sense for the life the characters lived, and we’re even out of Gotham and introducing other superheroes to the plot like Superman and the flash and also villains like lex Luther

And what’s fun about this fic is that currently, the strongest thing Peter have is his brain, but he is still stupid outside of building stuff (I love this adorable bean)

My most favorite thing about it is probably the plot point and that things are actually happening with consequences to them that change the status que of the fic

The fic feels like a never stopping train wreck about to happen and I’m so excited to see just how big the crash will be and how sharp the debris left of it are

Honestly I can go on and on about this fic forever but that’s mean more spoiler which is a big no no

Just know that if you want a dc x peter crossover, with more justice league characters in it, this is the fic for you

[1980shorrorfilm]

every road i know

click here. resources for palestine, congo, sudan, and other countries.

pairing…ellie williams x gn!reader

in which…ellie thought it was time to solidify your relationship. she might have been wrong.

before you read…inspired by the strangers, minus the killing n stuff. modern day fic. angst with comfort <3

the autumn night is silent, save for the occasional creak of the old miller’s cabin settling into its nighttime routine. you listen to the wind whistling outside, through the tall pines surrounding the small wooden home. 

it’s a lonely town, the nearest house a few miles down the road, something vastly different from your shared apartment in the city. 

ellie started bringing you here after joel had let it collect endless dust and cobwebs, the woman cleaning it all up for you. whenever life got too busy, chaotic, or hard, this way your getaway. peace. just you and her and the nature that surrounded you.

now, it feels as though it’s purgatory. 

the fireplace flickers softly, its glow dancing on the wooden walls, but the warmth couldn’t seem to comfort you. not right now. ellie sits in front of the flames, her silhouette outlined by the orange gentle light.

she has yet to utter a single word to you. the car ride here was silent. even the radio on mute, because ellie couldn’t find the simple strength to turn it up.

the moment is replaying in her mind, over and over, the sad smile you had given her burned into her memory. the thing she’s had anxiety about for the past month. proposing, to you.

the dark velvet box holding the special ring, now lying on the coffee table beside her. a stark reminder of the event.

you’re sat on the couch, chewing your lip, a rose petal in your hand. it’s soft, you find yourself stroking the smooth flower. they cover, nearly, the whole cabin. ellie had thrown the petals around before you had arrived together, trying to make it appear as romantic as possible. 

it’s not her strong suit, her appreciation toward you shown in much different ways than typical lovey-dovey things you see on television, but tonight it felt right. long candles garnish whatever surface she could put them on, yellow and smelling like vanilla. they’re not lit. 

she assumed she’d spark them when you came back from the long day you had. one that started with your favorite breakfast, ellie waking up extra early to make it as perfect as she could. and she did, you made sure to compliment her repeatedly.

then she took you downtown, viewing places you rarely visited, spending more time admiring you than the other pretty views. what occupied most of your time, was going to a museum she took you to on your first date, reminiscing on how awkward you two were compared to now.

she swears that’s her favorite place, and not just because she’s a nerd, because she now associates it with you. 

ellie had took you out to dinner, to your favorite restaurant, hardly eating and claiming she just wasn’t hungry. that was a lie, she just didn’t think she could keep food down. her nerves were washing over her, multiplying when you had finished, and you took a walk near the river, beneath the red trees that blew softly above you.

you had felt her pause in place, holding her warm hand, and you thought maybe the tie had come undone on her sneakers. she had washed them the day prior until her fingers pruned, you found it odd for ellie but didn’t say anything. but that wasn’t the problem. she stared at you like she saw a ghost, and it worried you.

you almost thought this was the end, she was about to tell you those four dreaded words. we need to break up. oh, the idea terrorizes you. that, however, also wasn’t it.

she had whispered inaudible words to herself, then mumbling ‘okay, okay, okay.’

you thought the woman was breaking before you, concern in your eyes, holding her hand tight. then she gulped, trying to get out the rehearsed words that seemed to vanish the longer she stood in your presence. 

how much you mean to her. from the very moment you two got paired up for a project that she insisted she’d do all the work for, but you fought back, finding yourself in her bedroom the entire week, the girl studying you more than the work laid out before her.

she found herself by your side all the time afterward.

she needed to be by your side. 

she doesn’t know how she lived before you, and if she could live without you— no, insisting she could not live with you. she simply wouldn’t have the will. waking up to a bed you didn’t occupy, not hearing your genuine laughter to her most idiotic jokes, not being able to hold you when you experienced the hardest day of your life.

she couldn’t have that. she needs this…you and her, to last forever. so, she asked those four words that you weren’t prepared for. will you marry me?

to which, you didn’t say yes.

you couldn’t. you love ellie, more than you could ever put into words, you swear on your life that you do, and it didn’t at all reflect your feelings for her. you were just…paralyzed. by fear, uncertainty, and the weight of expectations that you couldn’t hold up to for her. every single insecurity, hitting you at once, in the worst moment it possibly could.

you had said her name in a weak whisper, and ellie gulped, realizing what was happening. a tear slipped from your eye, that she quickly wiped away, reassuring you it was okay. that you’re okay. putting you before her, a habit of hers. bits of her broken heart being blown away in the cool wind that hits you, while she cradles yours. 

you walked to the car together in silence, a suffocating fog. a silence that seemed to last forever.

the tension between you two is almost palpable, both of your minds are currently a whirlwind of heavy emotions. a gentle crackle of the fire and ellie shifting in place, makes you finally turn your attention to her. “ellie,” you say her name softly, voice strained as you finally break the unbearable quiet. “can we talk?”

her gaze remains on the fiery flames, her shoulders tense. “we don’t have to,” she replies quietly, “i get it.”

“i don’t think you do,” you lowly say, heart aching at the mere thought of all the negativity running through her precious head, doubts about herself and your relationship. that’s the last thing you could ever want.

ellie swallows thickly, “it doesn’t matter.”

you watch her get up, turning her back to you as she leaves the room. your eyes trail her to the kitchen before you follow her. she doesn’t glance at you as you lean against the nearby counter, watching her grab an expensive champagne bottle. 

you assume she bought it just for tonight, she wouldn’t drink it any other time. she won’t even touch a glass of wine. she pops it open, pouring it into one of the two glasses beside it. “i don’t…” you begin to say as she hovers over the other glass, ellie nodding in response. you’re afraid if you drink it you’ll throw up all the nerves inside your system. 

“i got your favorite ice cream…if you want that instead,” ellie mentions, tapping her finger on the glass, “went to like…3 different stores. couldn’t find the brand you like.”

she ends the sentence with an attempt at a laugh, finding it so silly now. all the effort, for what? humiliation? pity? she sips on the disgusting drink like it would make her feel better. the only other thing that helps her in trying times, is you; and that’s not exactly possible in this scenario.

“do you…” she pauses, staring at the liquid as she swirls it around, “do you want this…us?”

“of course i do,” you answer her without hesitation, taking a step closer to her, but still out of reach. “it’s not that, ellie,” you tell her, trying to figure out how to inform her it’s you and not her, without sounding like a poor cliche overused excuse. 

“it’s just…we’re young…im scared you’re making a mistake,” your voice wavers near the end, ashamed to admit such a thing, that you are her mistake. ellie looks at you like you just spit in her face. she doesn’t know how to interpret the comment, she slightly feels insulted that you would think that she’s making a ‘mistake.’ 

this isn’t putting a shirt on inside out. this isn’t forgetting to turn the light off when you leave a room. it’s not tripping over your step. it’s her committing herself to you, after five beautiful years attached to you, something she wants hundreds more years of, if that were possible. nothing about that is a mistake.

you’re the love of her life. cementing that is not a fucking mistake. 

“is that how you feel?” she flips the script, putting the spotlight on you, feeling like you’re burning beneath it at the accusation. “what?” you whisper, “n-no…no ellie.”

you can’t read her expression, she’s swallowing the rest of her drink, blankly staring ahead. 

she ignores your response, “i’ll drive us home in the morning. you should get some sleep.”

she turns away, placing her glass carefully in the sink, resting there for a moment. your eyes are boring into the back of her head as if you could read the thoughts inside it. so many bad thoughts. 

you push yourself forward, taking a few quiet steps to her. you plant your feet behind her, wrapping your arms around her body. her breathing is slow, her figure painfully stiff, hugging a tree and not your person. so solid despite the endless embraces where she would melt into you.

you murmur her name, holding her tighter. 

ellie can’t resist you.

her hands reach for yours, resting against the center of her torso. her fingers brush against you softly, her breath hitching slightly, before letting out a sigh she’s held in for hours. 

just for this moment, the tension settles beneath the old floorboards of the cabin, giving you air to breathe instead of holding in. your hug is so tender, ellie could be lured to sleep by it. and her body is so warm, you’d rather die than pull away.

you wish it could last forever, and the hours prior could be forgotten. 

then her phone rings from her back pocket, vibrating against you, and she shifts. you let go, biting your lip, watching her fish the device out. joel. assumingly calling to congratulate her. ellie wishes she never told him, because fuck, this is going to be awkward. 

“i uh…should take this,” she whispers, not sparing you a glance when she walks away. you hear the front door open, then shut. you can’t help but walk back into the living room, standing before the window and peeking at ellie, who sat on the porch steps. 

you can’t see her face, her head down, a glow from a cigarette, and grey smoke surrounding her figure. it’s clearly not a happy conversation, there was no sugarcoating what had happened. it pains you. 

you turn back around, following the rose petals that scattered the floor, all the way down the hall, and stopping at the bathroom. you open the door, turning the light on, eyes falling on the several small candles on the edges of the bathtub. red, grey, and purple, they decorated the space. 

ellie really tried to make tonight special.

you stand idly, taking a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, staring at yourself with shame. a dog with its tail tucked between its legs, knowing it did something so drastic, that the only person they love, finds it hard to look at them. 

you quickly turn away. 

you run the bath and wait, tugging your top and pants off, kicking them to the side. you strip naked when it fills up completely, steam radiating from the water. you step in, adjusting to the high temperature, before sinking into it. it almost burns you, but not in a way that you mind. you just don’t care right now. 

ellie is the only thing on your mind. you wonder if she’s talking about you, openly questioning where your relationship lies, if she thinks it’s even going to last after today. 

before you know it, a single tear is falling down your face.

you hug your knees, turning your head and laying your cheek against them. you stare out the open bathroom door, to the wood paneled wall, a framed photo of a deer hung on it.

you forget to blink, spacing out, not noticing the creaking of the front door or the floor. not until ellie is within your view, pausing in the doorway, looking down at you. you’re crying to yourself.

her expression softens, not saying anything when she joins you, kneeling beside the bathtub and touching your face. her thumbs wipe the salty tears from beneath your eyes, but they don’t stop. 

“i’m scared, ellie,” you say just above a whisper, ellie only hears you because of how quiet the cabin is. besides the repetitive dripping from the sink. “i’m gonna fail you…” you continue, your voice now giving up on you, “scared’m gonna ruin this…ruin us…you’re so good, ellie— i just —i couldn’t say yes.”

you choke into a sob, her green eyes now glistening with unshed tears. “oh baby,” she says so softly, giving you the time to process your emotions, to let the tears fall while she holds you. 

“i can’t…” she stops, gulping and sighing, “i can’t change what you think…but i can promise you that nothing could ever change my mind about you.”

her grip on you is firm, reaffirming, as she continues to speak, “we can wait…i’m willing to wait forever for you. i will show you no matter what happens, i will still love you— i will always love you. i just needed…need you to know that.”

very faintly, your lips twitch upwards slightly, ellie mirroring you the moment she notices. “you’re enough for me,” she says, “just you. that’s all i want.”

ellie is, unfortunately, right; it doesn’t change the tainted mindset you have. that, however, has nothing to do with her. you don’t doubt the things she tells you, you’ve never felt more love from someone in your whole life, and you know for a fact that you never will.

and that’s why it brings you relief, to listen to her, understanding her point of view rather than your own, and the cruel demon on your shoulder whispering harsh words into your ear. 

ellie williams is the angel. 

it’s not the first time she’s eased the anxiety taunting you, and it will not be the last. she will always be there, rain or shine, you pushing her away or letting her in. she truly means what she says. you’re enough for her. and soon, you will accept that for yourself.

“i really want to hug you right now.”

ellie chuckles, a lightness in the air as she gets up, grabbing a beige towel. you stand, letting her wrap it around you, shivering at the coolness in the air. not caring about the water droplets still coating your body, ellie’s arms are quickly around you, her palm on the back of your head, cradling it gently.

you instantly feel warm again, at peace.

after the moment of serenity ends, ellie is leading you to the bedroom. she grabs your pajamas from your still-packed bag, letting you put them on while she does the same. your eyes fall on her pale back, watching her throw a white tee on, looking away when she turns her head at you. 

“was thinking about leaving at 8…wanna beat the traffic,” she says, hoping the statement doesn’t go back to making things awkward. just in case, she adds, “can stop at that pancake place you love.”

you can’t ignore the glum undertones of the suggestion, but you still give her a smile, barely modding your head.

you sit in bed, ellie exiting the room to turn off every light in the lonely cabin, leaving you with your thoughts. you hate it. thinking about how happy the two of you were coming here, compared to you leaving. you don’t even want to leave. you want to shut out the rest of the world, but more importantly, your mind.

how differently things would be right now, if you could just do that.

your eyes meet hers when she enters the room again, and you debate what you’re about to ask her. you can’t help it. “can i see it?”

“hm?” “the ring.”

ellie looks at you, freezing for a moment, stuttering, “y-yea…sure.”

again, she exits the room, grabbing the velvet small box on the table, the one she avoided even sparing a glance at just a minute ago. then she jogs back, scratching the back of her neck. she’s nervous as she approaches you, placing it in your open hands, like it’s a baby. 

it’s the first time you’re getting a decent look at it, having been unable to observe it during the moment, and it’s beautiful. it’s simple, yet the green sapphire is so elegant, resembling the way ellie’s eyes look beneath the sun. you smile at it. 

“i…can’t return it…if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“i’m not,” you tell her, “it’s gorgeous, ellie.”

you don’t want to give it back to her. it feels…so right, in your possession, that you can’t help but nervously slide it down your finger. there’s a bittersweet smile on your face at how perfect it is. how when you look at it, ellie is the first thing to come to your mind. 

your lover, for eternity. your lover that swears to you, that your need for her is as mutual as her need for you, no matter the circumstances, it is permanent. that your worries are just that. worries— self-doubt, and bitter thoughts about yourself, that are only present in the moment. they won't last forever. not like you and her.

with hesitance, you take it off, avoiding her gaze when you give it back to her. “i’ll be ready,” you promise, your finger oddly feeling so lonely despite only wearing it for a minute. “i will…i will be,” you find yourself mumbling, ellie getting closer and grabbing your hands.

“hey, i meant what i said,” her thumbs stroke your skin, reminding you once more, “i can wait forever for you.”

and she means it.

[neonoddeye]

SFW Veritas Ratio x Gn! Reader

Bathtime with Veritas Ratio is sacred, an event only known between the two of you.

The scholar’s high regard of the nighttime routine is ritualistic, from the gilded matching bathrobes to the uniform scent that his bath supplies have. You wouldn’t dare to make fun of this; in fact, you find it endearing that he has such a delicate pastime to indulge in. It’s even more endearing that he allows you to accompany him as well.

His bathtub is as elegant as him, and isn’t too cramped to be occupied by two people at once (and maybe a little rubber duck). There is never a shortage of bubbles, or even some epsom salts or a bath bomb if Veritas has had a particularly infuriating day. He tends to enjoy eucalyptus and lavender scents the most for their therapeutic qualities, occasionally subbing them out for a seasonal scent. His soaps are always of the highest quality, and he never settles for anything less (as is seen in every other aspect of his life). And now that you’ve gotten used to them, it’s always hard to go back to whatever you were using beforehand, whether you live with Veritas or not.

Your favorite part (and his, secretly) is taking time to wash each other. Veritas always insists on washing your back for you, no matter how much you insist you can reach every spot yourself. You figure it must be therapeutic for him, as he takes his time gently scrubbing your skin for you. He even massages any sore spots you might have (even if you didn’t know you had them). If it’s a hair wash day, he’ll massage the conditioner into your scalp like you’re at the salon. You often wonder if he enjoys the mundane, repetitive motions that come with pampering you, as if he’s letting his brilliant brain rest for just a bit.

When it’s his turn, you reciprocate the warm gestures, taking your time to reach every inch of his broad back. Although you aren’t as skilled as he is, you also attempt to massage his sore muscles, weary from being hunched over at his desk for most of the day. You’re aware that he carries the tension of his work life on his back (bro probably carries the whole university on it), and you let him guide your hands to where he needs it. Even if you can’t alleviate his pain, he acknowledges and appreciates your efforts.

While you cater to Veritas, he often has a habit of venting about his day to you. He goes on tangents about his “infuriating students” while you pour water down his back, as if to wash the stress away as it comes out. If you’re washing his hair as he babbles, you’ll take extra time to work the shampoo into his scalp to really emphasize the practice of wearing down his tension. Veritas will never admit it to you, but he likes to think that it works, somehow.

After the washing is over, you and Veritas may talk each other’s heads off, be it a philosophical construct or plans for the day ahead, or sit in comfortable silence. Before you, Veritas would never let his skin prune in the bath water; now, he loathes getting out, and doesn’t mind if his fingers are wrinkly. If the universe would allow it, he’d spend hours in the bathtub with you, letting his worries sink into the water and down the drain.

[konigsblog]

GIVE US THE HCS (Pretty please 🥺)

random, fluffy könig headcannons...

i have plenty of headcannons, but i wanna talk about his routine throughout the day...

könig is too familiar with early mornings from being in the military, to the point where he's forced to become a morning person. he wakes up before five o'clock, usually sitting beside you and caressing your soft cheeks whilst you slumber peacefully, fully relaxed.

könig can't help but chuckle at the sounds of your snoring, how you squirm occasionally when he tickles your forearm.

he's definitely into black coffee, nothing else, nothing added. and despite his bitter, black coffee, he has a huge sweet tooth that is impossible to resist !! bake him a cake and he'll demolish it before midnight...

i believe könig would be a great chef, usually fantastic at making schnitzel and other austrian dishes. he loves your surprised reaction, seeing you eat happily, giggling and wrapping your arms around his waist to grip his stomach, the fat covering the muscles.

könig probably reads the newspaper, rather than the television. i don't think he's into movies (but, for some reason gets hooked onto series’?), with a short attention span, he'd rather read something quickly. he holds the thin, off-white paper in his hands firmly, taking sips of his dark coffee, while you're still fast asleep.

i also believe könig has a slow metabolism (just a random headcannon). growing up bigger than the other kids, and having a sweet tooth led to him getting bullied relentlessly. i think he lets go of the shame and guilt eventually. könig would probably struggle with body dysmorphia, having a warped perception of himself.

könig adores avocado, and loves putting it on whatever; toast, salads, etc... he adores the taste, you may even find him eating some at random times of the day, like a mouse, holding the avocado in his large hands.

at nighttime, könig takes a long, cold shower and spends ages under the lukewarm, slightly cold water. i think he's sensitive to the heat, his skin sensitive, and his body aching when he uses the hot water.

maybe, it's better not to shower with him, he'll either be breathless and sweating, or you'll be shivering... !!

[hey-august]

Can’t stop thinking about cuddling Buggy. All interpretations of him but the more chubby versions especially. Soft, warm, inescapable pirate cuddles.

Breathing in his scent which is…. So and so, depending on wether or not you accidentally get a face full of armpit or are met with his morning breath, or if you just get to snuggle up to him and just get a slight wiff of Eu de toilette ala Buggy. Slightly sweaty, somewhat musky, faint traces of gunpowder and a bit of rum, mingling with that weird oil he put into his hair before bed yesterday.

So warm, sometimes unbearably so, but it’s a lifesaver in the colder months, especially since he’s so damn clingy. Even in summer he needs to be close to you somehow, even if he’s sweating up a storm himself, he will just detach a leg to shimmy it over your leg just to get at least SOME skin on skin.

Snores, but less than you’d expect, low rumbles interrupted by occasional snorts that make you giggle but also not the bellowing thunder you’d expect (you’ll never tell him but his nose probably gives his lungs some good airflow) it’s like white noise at some point for you

Unless he’s sick because then he DOES indeed sound like a chainsaw revving up

So into cuddling actually. May try to make it sexual sometimes but often enough there’s actually no ulterior motive behind it. Also insists on after fuck cuddles and will get mopey if you deny for whatever reason

Clown cuddles. I am so tired of the world I just want pirate clown cuddles

*inhale* aaaAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I WOULD LIKE THIS TOO PLEASE. SIGN ME UP.

WC: ~400 Warnings: buggy x gn!reader, a tad spicy but no explicit smut

Make him just soft and pliable enough that when you get your arms wrapped around him the best you can and squeeeeeze, you get to hear a delightful grunt and wheezing groan come outta him.

When you're laying in bed together, you just need to sling an arm over that body of his and pull him close as can be. Hold him tight and don't let go. You know he's going to do the same to you later.

And the smell. THE SMELL. Fresh and clean clown is delicious, yes. The kind of clean where underneath the scent of soap is his warm skin. You can't describe it, but it is addictive.

But also, he is a stinky dude. He gets sweaty, he gets dirty, he gets gross. But it's kinda nice, isn't it? To smell the gunpowder in his hair. Stale alcohol clinging to him everywhere. That musky BO that starts in his pits and emanates out.

For me, the perfect moment is when you catch a whiff of that personal stench when you're curled up under his arm and your nose gets a tad too close to the source. It's not everywhere yet. It's not enough to call him stinky yet, but he's getting ripe.

Goodness, and pulling one of his legs between yours just so you can rub against those hairy appendages. YUM. COMFORTING. ENJOYABLE.

Okay and the snoring. Buggy being the big spoon, his face nestled against your neck so that his breath tickles too much if you move every so slightly. His nighttime babbling dies down in to tired murmurs. Then silence. Heavy breathing. Heavier and heavier until they crack into snores. Even if you shift and try to get him to stop, this man will keep his arms around you and won't stop snoring.

Buggy even manages to sleep talk while snoring and if that isn't the cutest damn thing. Admittedly, a little unsettling to wake up to the first time, but it's so endearing.

And yes, this man will press his cannon against you sometimes. A lewd joke, a waggle of his eyebrows, maybe fluttering those long lashes of his.

And sometimes, nothing. You'll feel Buggy's mast rising, but he doesn't say anything. He'll pull you closer, but not to push against you. Not for naughty friction. Buggy just wants to be close to you. It makes his body happy.

It makes him happy.

[thornybubbles]

Playing Minecraft with the Stardust Crusaders

**Note: Originally I was going to have this be a story with just Kakyoin, but I decided to add the rest of the Stardust Crusaders. Also I decided to just do headcanons instead of writing a full story. I’ve been writing a lot of dark yandere stuff and I just wanted a break. So here’s something wholesome. PS. Polnareff’s part was my favorite to write. XD **

Joseph

He may be an old man, but he’s not completely out of touch when it comes to the concept of video games. It takes him a little bit to learn how to play, but once he gets the hang of it, there’s no stopping him. Joseph’s building skills are pretty basic. He’s more interested in the survival and exploration elements of Minecraft. Once he gets his house built, he does a little mining to get a full set of iron armor, weapons, and tools and then he’s off to explore. He’s almost never seen around the main base and spends most of his time many, many blocks away, discovering cool things. He will often ask questions about things he’s unfamiliar with and you explain it to him. Sometimes he hardly speaks at all because he’s too enamored with all the stuff he’s discovering. 

Then there was the “Creeper Incident”. Joseph made the mistake of doing some exploring at night instead of going to sleep like a good little Minecrafter. 

“Hey, what’s this freaky green thing?” he asked you. 

“Freaky green thing? What kind of freaky green thing?” you said, wanting some specifics. 

“It looks like a depressed cactus,” he explained. 

Uh oh.

“Oh! That’s a cr---!” 

There was a distant explosion followed by Joseph screaming, “Oh my God! Son of a bitch!!!” 

After that, something changed in Joseph’s play style. He went from explorer to monster hunter. Angry at having been blown up and losing all his stuff, he goes on a vendetta to destroy all creepers. And why stop there? Zombies, spiders,skeletons or any other creature of the night that crosses his path were quickly dealt with. He goes deep into learning brewing, armor and weapon enchanting, and anything else he can think of to give him an edge against the hostile mobs. With Avdol’s help he builds a battle tower and protective wall around the base. He has very big dreams about taking out the Ender Dragon. 

Joseph is a bit of a jack of all trades when it comes to Minecraft. He may not be the best builder but he has a lot of creative ideas that help all of you with whatever projects you might be working on, especially when it comes to base defense and monster fighting.

Jotaro

He only ever plays when either you or one of the other Crusaders asks him to. When he first spawned in he wasn’t too impressed. He had a hard time figuring out what he wanted to do. At first, he doesn’t bother building a house or anything and just bums around his grandpa’s house. He makes a snide comment about how Joseph’s house is just a big, wooden block with one window and a door. Joseph grumbles something about how his house didn’t need to be pretty, just practical. Joseph ends up being the one to teach Jotaro how to play, while you occasionally interject to mention something Joseph may have forgotten about. Jotaro just responds with non-committal grunts and wanders around the base, checking things out. 

Eventually, he goes off on his own to explore and find somewhere nearby to build a house. He hasn’t collected any resources, has no tools, or crafted a weapon of any kind when he starts exploring. You try to warn him that he should at least get a wooden sword to defend himself with, but he ignores you. It isn’t until night comes and he is nearly killed by zombies that he finally decides to get some wood and stone and make some basic tools. He still hasn’t found a decent place to build yet, though.  

After he’s wandered around for about 4 in-game days, he comes across a village. Jotaro watches the villagers run around, doing their thing, and is bemused at their silly appearance and sounds. But when nighttime comes and zombies start attacking them, Jotaro feels he’s found his purpose in the game. Somebody has to protect these dumb looking guys and it may as well be him. He teams up with Avdol and Joseph (who is a little miffed that someone found a village before he did) to form a “Village Security Team”. While Avdol fixes the village up by patching holes in walkways, correcting poorly spawned buildings, and starting work on building a monster proof wall around the village, Jotaro and Joseph stay up at night to fight off the monsters. 

Eventually, Jotaro builds a massive fortress near the village and Avdol attaches the wall to it. This fortress serves as Jotaro’s home and the village becomes the secondary base for you guys. Joseph jokingly calls him “King JoJo” and “Your Highness” which usually has Jotaro grumbling under his breath. He spends most of his days decorating or improving either the fortress or the village itself. When he’s not doing that, he’s usually tagging along on one of his Grandfather’s adventures. 

Kakyoin

The redstone wizard of the group. Noriaki’s beaten the game a few times already, but only recently started messing around with redstone contraptions. He set up an automated farm that both harvests and replants crops as well as a huge mineshaft with minecarts set up so that they returned to the surface to be unloaded whenever players filled them up with resources.

As innovative as he is, though, he often uses his redstone skills to be an absolute troll. And usually, his victim is you. That’s not to say that he hasn’t pranked any of the others yet, it’s just that you’re his favorite target. It’s kinda your fault though. It started back when you first started playing Minecraft together and you might have, possibly, sorta, kinda, completely un-accidentally pilfered a diamond or two from one of his chests. He knew you were the culprit because there wasn’t anyone else in the game at the time but the two of you. He didn’t call you out on it, though, assuming that you would replace the diamonds as soon as you got a chance. You never did. While you actually did have every intention of returning the diamonds to him, you just forgot about it. It didn’t help that you later developed a habit of helping yourself to whatever you found in his chests instead of going out and getting the resources for yourself. Hey, it was easier and it saved time!

Nori never said a word about it, instead opting to quietly plan his revenge. One day you went down into his storage basement to grab some cobblestone from one of his chests. You were only going to grab a stack or two and make a mental note (for the hundredth time) to replace whatever you took, but knowing that you’d probably forget. When you opened the chest, though, you didn’t find any cobblestone. Instead you found yourself staring into the sullen face of a creeper, its warning hiss in your ears. You let out a shriek of terror and braced yourself for the inevitable explosion, but it never came. You examined the “creeper” again only to see that it was nothing more than an armor stand wearing a creeper head and green dyed leather armor. It was inside of a minecart that was cleverly hidden behind the chest. You just stared at it as your brain slowly came to the conclusion that you’d just been pranked. 

“Ah, I see you found my theft deterrent.” Noriaki said, amusement clear in his voice. “It’s a nifty little project I found online called the ‘creeper in a box’ prank.” 

You can’t even say anything. He got you good and you know it. You made it a point to stay out of his storage basement from then on. 

It doesn’t stop there though. That one little incident unleashed Noriaki’s inner troll and you’re the one who gets to suffer for it. From filling your house with dirt blocks to slowly rearranging your decorations over time to see how long it would take for you to notice, Noriaki just seems to love messing with you. You have to admit that while his pranks are annoying, they are pretty funny and too clever for you to really get mad at. Your “favorite” was when he hid a bunch of note blocks under your house and arranged them to play a certain song when you opened the front door. 

“Nori, why is my house Rick Rolling me?” you demand of him, annoyed but admittedly amused. 

“Why are you asking me?” he says, playing dumb. 

He knows what he did. 

You eventually do give him his diamonds back in hopes that will appease him. It does… for a little while at least. 

Avdol

The master builder. Before being invited to play Minecraft with you guys, he’d never really played a video game before. But there was something about the building mechanics of the game that awakened something within him, possibly nostalgia for those calm times with building blocks when he was a little kid. Whatever the case, Avdol takes to building like a pro and all without any YouTube tutorials, too. You want a medieval style bakery? You got one. Want a modern bungalow? He’ll do it. Giant fire breathing demon chicken to put in the middle of the base? You can envision the weird looks he wants to give you, but he’ll make one of those, no problem. His best projects are the ones he does on his own, though, with no guidance and with minimal suggestions. 

Due to his building skills, he finds himself constantly busy within the game as someone always has some kind of building project they want help with. He even offered to improve Joseph’s plain block house. The old man told him to do whatever he pleased and then went off to go treasure hunting with Jotaro and Kakyoin. When Joseph came back he found his simple home had been converted into a deceptively cute cabin. While Joseph was impressed enough with how cozy it looked, Avdol revealed that the cabin had a secret, a well hidden secret chamber that appealed to Joseph's inner superhero fanboy. He had his very own secret lair now (yeah, it’s not really a secret if everybody on the server knows about it, but let the old man dream)!

Over time, Avdol has added things here and there to the base to keep things from looking so plain. He’s added a decorated pond for fishing and just a place to hang out. There’s also a meeting area for when the whole gang gets together right before going on an adventure (brings back bittersweet memories. At least this time there’s no danger of anyone actually dying.). 

And yes, he even added that giant fire breathing demon chicken statue you wanted so badly. Your odd tastes aside, Avdol managed to make the abomination of a statue look rather cool and stylized. Kakyoin wants it to be the mascot for your group. It ends up being put on any and all banners for the base, much to Avdol’s chagrin. 

Every time he gets online with you guys he is either working on a project or starting another one. He never seems to run out of things to do. Surprisingly, his own home is rather quaint. Just a regular old farm house, but it’s very pretty. And yes, he has a chicken farm. 

Polnareff

Chaos incarnate. This man got into the game and immediately started doing everything WRONG! Digging straight down, forgetting to sleep at least once to ward off phantoms, forgetting to crouch when standing at the edge of great heights, you name it he’s messed it up. So basically just Polnareff being Polnareff. He always manages to find danger or danger finds him. Every monster in the area seems to target him specifically. On one mining trip you actually watched around five zombies shamble right past you and head straight for a very startled Polnareff. They completely ignored you! He’s died so many times that you actually put in the “keep inventory” cheat so that at the very least he stops losing all of his hard earned resources. 

Speaking of resources, when it comes to mining it’s the one thing that Jean Pierre is really, really lucky at. To the point that it makes everyone else jealous. He was the first to find diamonds and emeralds and the first to manage to get full stacks of both. You never even thought it possible to find 64 emeralds naturally, but Polnareff managed to pull it off. Joseph is quick to accuse him of cheating which results in a very childish argument between the two until you step in and explain that you were with Polnareff the whole time and he just finds diamonds and emeralds by chance. Joseph apologizes but grumbles when Polnareff laughs. Ever since then, whenever he comes across diamonds, or anything even remotely interesting, he is very obnoxious about it. 

“HEY GUYS!!! GUESS WHO FOUND EVEN MORE DIAMONDS?!!” he’ll shout in an annoying sing-song voice.

This usually results in annoyed huffs from Avdol and Kakyoin, disgruntled “Good griefs” from Jotaro, not-so-humble requests for him to stop bragging like an asshole from Joseph, and a threat or two from you that if he didn’t stop rubbing your faces in it, you would shove him into the nearest lava pit. This always earns a mischievous giggle or two from him. He’s so full of himself about it. He does make up for it though, when he crafts full sets of diamond armor for you all. For all his arrogant bragging, he’s really rather generous with his finds. If any of you need diamonds or emeralds he’s the first to offer up his stash. After all, he has so many, why shouldn’t he share? ~ ❤

Whenever he goes mining, you usually tag along. You say that it’s so you can help him carry his loot, but actually it’s because you’re his self appointed babysitter. Just like in real life, it just isn’t a good idea for him to run off by himself. You never say that out loud though because you know how sensitive he is about being danger-prone. Besides he likes having you along and the two of you end up as mining buddies almost every time you play. Sometimes Kakyoin joins you as he’s always in need of redstone and other materials for his contraptions (it’s important to note that Polnareff is Kakyoin’s second favorite trolling victim and it always makes you nervous whenever he tags along because you never know if he’s up to something or just genuinely wants to collect resources.). 

Whenever you and Polnareff go off on your own to do anything, the rest of the Crusaders server prepares their poor ears for the inevitable screaming and swearing that will follow. Something happens to you whenever you pair up with Polnareff. Your brain power seems to get cut in half and the two of you end up becoming an unintentional comedy duo that has everyone else either laughing or, in Jotaro’s case, muting you for being “too damn loud”. 

There was one time that Polnereff was digging a strip mine that ended up leading right into the Deep Dark and the Warden’s territory. You can probably guess what happened. Before you could warn him, Polnareff’s antics end up summoning the Warden and the monster kills you both before either of you have a chance to panic. This results in Polnareff seeking revenge (or trying to) and going all the way back to the Deep Dark to fight the Warden again (and dragging you along each time), and (both of you) dying again. This happens about three more times before he actually manages to defeat the Warden only to find out that he doesn’t get any kind of reward for it (other than bragging rights, which believe me, he takes advantage of). 

On a minor note, Polnareff’s inventory is always extremely unorganized. Whether referring to his personal inventory or his storage chests his inventory is in shambles. There’s no rhyme or reason for where he places things in his hotbar and sometimes he’ll end up hitting monsters with a stick or block of glass rather than his sword. He also has a bad habit of using the wrong tool for certain jobs, such as using his pickaxe on dirt instead of his shovel and it drives more organized players like Kakyoin and Avdol insane. 

BONUS:

Iggy

(We’re assuming that the little gremlin lives with you) While he can’t exactly play video games for obvious reasons, he does kinda like watching you play, but that’s only if he’s not trying to take a nap (you’re kinda noisy). Most of the time he just plops down in his comfy spot and watches you struggle to survive in what he mentally calls the “stupid human block game”. He is really amused whenever you and Polnareff team up because watching you two together is comedy gold. Sometimes, when you’re playing alone, he’ll wait for you to be exploring a dark, creepy cave and suddenly bark very loudly for no reason, causing you to very nearly jump out of your skin. 

Iggy: “BARK!”

You scream, swear, and jump back so hard that your headset falls off. Your mouse has been practically thrown across the room. You turn around and glare at the little brat. 

“IGGY!” you shout accusingly. 

The cheeky little doggo runs out of the room making sounds that can be interpreted as the canine equivalent of snickering.

[bestie-enthusiast]

Hello Falsettos fandom. I’ve fallen down a Christian Borle rabbit whole and have some gifts for you <3

Nighttime blues

Genre: Hurt/comfort

Characters: Whizzer, Marvin, Jason

Relationship: Whizzer/Marvin

Summary: Marvin got nightmares, and Whizzer slept through them. This was part of the dynamic. Whizzer was none the wiser to the fact that Marvin regularly woke up, soaked their pillows with tears, and then fell back asleep.

Marvin got nightmares, and Whizzer slept through them. This was part of the dynamic. Marvin would cry as quietly as possible until he fell back asleep, and Whizzer would get his beauty sleep, it worked for both of them.

Marvin was glad Whizzer slept deeply, he always felt guilty when he’d wake Trina up, either from flailing around or from crying out. Whizzer sleeping deeply also meant that Marvin could easily tuck himself into his arms without waking him up, though Whizzer would occasionally question in the mornings how they had switched who was spooning who.

It worked, and Whizzer was none the wiser to the fact that Marvin regularly woke up, soaked their pillows with tears, and then fell back asleep, and Marvin was fine with this. Happy even, he didn’t have to feel guilty about Whizzer waking up, and he didn’t have to answer any questions about his nightmares. It worked.

Except- Except sometimes, Marvin wakes up and he wants nothing more than for Whizzer to- well, rub his back or tell him it’ll be okay or even talk about his nightmares. Something. Anything. But he doesn’t, and Marvin is fine with that. Really, he is.

It’s better for him to deal with it alone, when he can just cry it out, hyperventilate until he passes out, and then wake up in the morning more or less fine. At the very least, Whizzer likes to be the big spoon and Marvin- though he’d never admit it out loud- much preferred being the little spoon. He fell asleep much easier when he was being held, which felt a bit pathetic to admit, but whatever. Whizzer made him feel small, but in a good way? It’s difficult to explain. It was just nice.

Tonight, however, was different. Whizzer was sick- it was nothing serious, just a cold, but he was congested and had been complaining all day about not being able to sleep as a result. He was holding Marvin against his chest, squeezing him like a teddy bear as he laid awake. Marvin had fallen asleep easily, exhausted after working, then coming home and fretting over Whizzer.

In these unusual circumstances where Whizzer was awake while Marvin was not, Whizzer was given a front row seat to a show he’d never been privy to before. He was absentmindedly tracing shapes down Marvin’s bare back when he’d started twitching, a frown overtaking his previously content expression.

Whizzer paused his movement, watching as Marvin’s frown grew deeper and his brow furrowed. His own face contorted into a frown when he watched Marvin’s lip quiver and his hands clench into tight fists. Whizzer gently stroked his hair, murmuring soft words to try and soothe him, but Marvin only became more distressed. He started squirming, tossing and turning, and Whizzers heart broke when he saw tears begin to fall.

Marvin woke up with a gasp, shooting into a sitting position as he frantically clawed at his chest. Whizzer sit’s up too, facing him and grabbing Marvin’s hands and looking into his eyes.

“Whizzer,” Marvin says, and it’s a mixture of shock and shame and relief. “You’re awake.” Whizzer stares at him, squinting. He’s still crying, tears flowing freely from his eyes, but he doesn’t look sad, he looks scared.

“Astute observation,” Whizzer snarks absentmindedly. He’s staring Marvin down like he’s a specimen in a lab. Marvin laughs, slightly hysterically, at the comment.

“Did I wake you?” Marvin asks, and it’s probably meant to be rude, but it comes out painfully raw. Whizzer looks at him and shakes his head.

“I couldn’t sleep,” He explains, tapping his nose. Marvin huffs another laugh and leans forward until his forehead is resting on Whizzers chest. Hesitantly, Whizzer begins to stroke Marvin’s hair again. They sit there, in almost silence, broken by Marvin sniffling and the soft noise of tears landing on fabric. “Do you want to talk about it?” Whizzer eventually asks, pausing in his ministrations of Martin’s scalp. Marvin shakes his head, looking up at Whizzer with the most heartbreaking expression on.

“No- no I can’t-“ Marvin explains, moving away. He turns his head downwards, staring at his hand as Whizzer stares at him.

Whizzer hums and lays back down, “that’s fine,” he murmurs softly, grabbing Marvin’s hips and pulling him down into his embrace. He kindly doesn’t comment on the way Marvin twists to bury his head in Whizzer’s chest. He strokes Marvin’s back and listens as Marvin slowly calms down, until his breathing is even and deep, back asleep.

Whizzer lays awake, thinking deeply. That had been an odd set of events, he’d never seen Marvin had a nightmare before. Of course, he knew everyone got them sometimes, but it’s odd to consider Marvin getting them. Was that the reason he always looked so drained in the mornings? He woke up and cried in the night?

God, Whizzer felt terrible. What if he had nightmares and Whizzer didn’t wake up? Marvin wouldn’t wake him up- for all he could be, well, himself, Marvin had some very intense sets of rules for what is appropriate behavior when it comes to inconveniencing others.

Marvin didn’t wake up again that night, but Whizzer did notice he had more nightmares, a quivering lip and small whimpers, a dead giveaway.

Whizzer did eventually fall asleep, but it was fitful and light. He woke up in the morning when Marvin got out of bed and pressed a kiss against his forehead. Marvin said something, but Whizzer didn’t process it, and then he was gone.

Whizzer didn’t do much during the day, other than try to figure out if he should bring up the previous night or not. He came to the conclusion of no, he should not.

He was a bit surprised when Jason arrived. He’d forgotten it was a Friday. It was a bit early for the kid to have arrived, but Whizzer didn’t question it, simply letting him in with a shrug.

“Hey kid,” he said, sniffling slightly. He ruffled the kid's hair and grabbed his bag from him. “You hungry?” Jason shrugged, walked over to the couch and sat. Whizzer set Jason's bag down and sat down too.

“Are you sick?” Jason asked him, looking at him with furrowed brows. Sometimes, Jason looks so much like his father it’s starting.

“Yeah I’m sick,” Whizzer answered, lying down and kicking his legs into the kids lap. Jason huffed a laugh and shoved his legs off. Whizzer put them back on his lap. Shove. Return. Shove. Return. Eye roll, TV channel change. Victory.

They sat like that for a while, until Marvin arrived home. He seemed relieved to see Jason there, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“Your mother is displeased with you,” Marvin says, but his voice is soft. He shrugs off his jacket and grabs Jason’s bag, leaving momentarily and returning with neither items. “Hey baby,” Marvin murmurs into Whizzers ear as he presses a kiss to his cheek. “What would you two like for dinner?”

“Pizza!” Jason exclaimed quickly, looking at his dad with pleading eyes. Marvin looked at Wheezer who shrugged, smirking a bit. Marvin sighed.

“Pizza it is,” he says with fake exasperation. Jason gives Whizzer a high five as Marvin rolls his eyes and dials the number to a nearby pizza place.

Marvin sits on the ground in front of Whizzer as they watch TV. He pushes his head into Whizzers hand, just a bit, but enough for Whizzer to get the memo. He scratches Marvin’s head as a cartoon plays on the TV.

When there’s a knock on the door, Marvin goes to stand, but Jason’s rushes past, grabbing Marvin’s wallet off the table and heading to the door. Marvin laughs a bit when Jason turns with the pizza and places it on the coffee table.

“Ulterior motives.” Marvin accuses Jason, even as he stands to grab plates, which he brings into the sitting room. They sit and eat in front of the TV, much to Jason’s clear happiness. The kids are in a good mood, which is sort of rare.

After pizza has been devoured, more TV is watched and few words are spoken, until Marvin sends Jason to shower and then to bed.

Whizzer curls up in their bed, he’s starting to feel better, which is good. But he’s bored, he’s done nothing all day, and there’s very little that’s more entertaining than riling Marvin up. And he’s got a lovely new part of his material to tease him about- not the nightmares, he’s not a complete ass- the fact Marvin likes to be the little spoon.

When Marvin finally comes into their room, tossing on pajamas and crawling into bed, Whizzer didn’t just pull him into his chest like he normally does. He laid next to him, stroking his chest, but not cuddling. He can feel Marvin staring at him, and he’s struggling not to crack a smile as Marvin looks at him with furrowed brows.

He’s a bit surprised, and disappointed, when Marvin starts spooning him instead, but he’s not going to complain. He sighs constantly, but he can’t get comfortable. Marvin is stiff behind him, tense. “Whizzer?” He heard Marvin ask softly. He turns to face him.

“Yes?” Whizzer mumbled sleepily, he placed his head on Marvin’s chest, biting his lip to stop a growing grin when he heard Martin’s heart beating out of his chest.

“Can-“ Marvin sighs, and Whizzer presses a kiss to jaw. Marvin looks down at him, and Whizzer feels a bit giddy when he notices the dark blush spreading across Marvin’s face. “Can you-“

“Can I do what? Use your words,” Whizzer interrupts teasingly, trailing kisses down Marvin’s jaw and neck. Marvin huffs, looking mortified of himself. Whizzer feels a bit bad, so he helps him out. “Do you want me to be the big spoon?” He asks, voice teasing and genuine. Marvin nods, just a bit, and Whizzer can’t hold back his laugh. “Aww baby,” Whizzer coos, wrapping Marvin in his arms and kissing his shoulder. It’s so wonderful to feel Marvin melt against him, relaxing completely.

“Shut up,” Marvin mutters, even as he wraps his arms around Whizzer’s. Marvin falls asleep first again, but Whizzer is not far behind. It’s lighter than he normally sleeps however, so he wakes when he feels Marvin pull out of his hold. Even if he hadn’t, he’s sure the resounding thud Marvin made when he hit the floor would have woken him.

Whizzer scrambles to the edge of the bed, but Marvin is already sitting up and scrambling to press his back against the wall, clutching at his chest yet again. Whizzer looks at him, worried, but looks away when their door opens with a soft creak. Jason.

“Hey kid,” Whizzer greets gently, “Everything’s okay, your dad fell out of bed.” Jason looks at him, rubbing sleep from his eyes, and sleepily walks over to their bed and crawls up on it. Whizzer picks him up and drags him to the side of the bed facing the wall where the kid's father isn’t crying. He pets Jason’s head and tucks him in. “You sleepin’ in here?” Whizzer asks, but Jason is practically asleep already, just nodding slightly. Whizzer waits a few moments, before shuffling a bit away to look over at Marvin, who’s curled up in a little ball, eyes pressed into his knees and shoulders shaking.

Whizzer sighed, unsure of what to do. He looked over at Jason, then at Marvin, then at Jason, and then carefully slipped out of bed, sitting down on the floor next to Marvin, knocking their shoulders together. Marvin flinched, but looked over at him. He looked pathetic, face red and eyes puffy. Whizzer sighed and leaned his head on top of Marvin’s. “I love you,” Whizzer whispered into his hair.

“I love you too,” Marvin whispered hoarsely, tears quietly soaking into the fabric of Whizzers shirt. “I have nightmares about my parents.” Whizzer stayed silent, sitting and listening. Marvin dragged in a shaky breath and continued, “They didn’t like me very much. I’m scared of them, and of being them. I dream of-” Marvin swallowed, and wiped at his eyes, “I dream of my childhood, and of inflicting the pain I suffered on- on Jason.” He admitted in a whisper, pulling away from Whizzer.

He looked so damn guilty, and Whizzer- Whizzer didn’t know what to do. He took Marvin’s face in his hands, and pressed their foreheads together. “I love you,” Whizzer repeated, “The fact you're scared of hurting Jason proves how good you are.” Marvin shook his head and tried to pull away, but Whizzer didn’t let him. “You’re a good man, Marvin.” Whizzer told him firmly, hugging him when Martin just crumpled, sobbing silently into Whizzer’s chest. Whizzer rubbed his back and murmured soft comforting words until Martin finally ran out of tears.

He helped Marvin back into bed, shaking his head when Marvin looked over at Jason and back at him with confusion. Jason laid on the left side of the bed, Marvin in the middle, and then Whizzer on the right side. He held Marvin tightly, kissing the back of his head. “Sleep,” Whizzer whispered, closing his eyes. Marvin listened, and for the first time in a long time, didn’t have another nightmare.

[katerinaaqu]

Gone with the Wind (Part 1)

Odysseus remains awake for 9 days guarding the sack given to them by Aeolus in order to reach his home faster. However soon he finds out that sleepless nights take a toll on him and the consequences are severe...

Bruised eyelids weighted a ton each. He had trouble even keeping them open yet alone holding his head upright, which kept on dropping and if it weren’t for the seer shock of gravity, he would have dropped it possibly all the way to the floor so far. The wind was favorable. Perhaps way too favorable thus making the ship way too steady and whatever small rocking was happening from the natural waves of the Mediterranean were as lulling as the cradle of one’s mother or nursemaid when one is a baby. The sound of the sea was worse than any lullaby a human could invent. The sweet heat of the sun was bringing the mind to sweet oblivion, making it impossible to resist just leaning down and enjoy the sun’s kiss on one’s cheek and slowly fall asleep. The first couple of days had passed like a breeze due to his tension and his burning need to see his home as soon as possible; adrenaline giving his mind an unknown alert he had probably faced only in battlefield. However now, three days after that, Odysseus was feeling the consequences of a week’s sleepless journey. His eyes were blurry and his mind was constantly swaying. If it weren’t for the help of Aeolus’s promise, he knew he wouldn’t be able to steer the ship. One arm was constantly clenching upon the steer while the other was either holding or constantly feeling the puffed sack, filled with all the winds blowing over the sea, making sure it was still there…that it was still closed. He had to blink repeatedly to make sure his eyes wouldn’t close.

“Just a bit longer…” he was thinking trying to encourage himself, “Endure it just a bit longer…we’re almost there…we’re almost home…”

He drowned yet another yawn behind his hand. Yeah, it would be yet another tough day, he fathomed. Quite frankly, the nights were the worst. During the day he could talk to his comrades, distract himself a little or listen to something but at nights just the rhythmic sound of the occasional oars and the howl of winds was enough to drive him crazy, especially if combined to the snoring of so many men on his ship that didn’t have the night shift. He would try to distract himself by gazing at the torches at the bows of the ships or try to make eye contact with the pilots at the other ships that were coming behind and sometimes around his own but the darkness was thick and the moon was not always shiny. He wouldn’t dare to look at the stars apart from telling his course because quite frankly their blurry images made him feel like he was staring through a mystical kaleidoscope. Yes, Odysseus hated the nighttime the most, although now it seemed no real difference. He yawned again and immediately shook his head violently to shake himself awake.

“Focus!” he scolded himself, “Don’t lose grip now, we are almost there!”

“Odysseus…”

Polites had arrived close to him. When had he arrived? He thought. He hardly heard him coming! He noticed a ceramic bowl in his hands containing some salted meat and bread. There was some hard cheese too. Aeolus had graced them with good provisions before they started this trp.

“It is lunchtime” Polites noted as a matter of fact, “I brought you your share”

“I don’t want it!” Odysseus mumbled dryly

“But…” Polites mumbled, “You hardly ate anything the past week…”

Yes, Odysseus knew. His stomach was tied in a knot from hunger. He would only eat dry bread and possibly some cheese the past days. He knew how heavy stomach brought sleepiness and drowsiness. And he needed to stay bright awake, if he wanted to continue. Naturally he didn’t even touch the good wine that was also given to them for the trip either for the same reason. He looked at the bowl again. The sight of food now almost brought him nausea.

“Take it away from me!” he ordered harshly

Polites’s large figure made half a step back at his sudden yell (even a few men turned to look at him in wonder). He seemed baffled but he pushed the bowl aside anyways.

“Please, you need to rest” he insisted

Odysseus felt his brain boil in anger. Damn him, he was persistent. He played the same card the day before, and the day before that! It had started getting annoying.

“Please” Polites said again, “Let the pilot take over after lunch and take some break”

“I’m fine!” Odysseus growled

He wasn’t in the mood for small talk. Especially such useless one.

“But you haven’t slept-…”

“I SAID I’M FINE POLITES!” came the yelling response interrupting him

Now it was certain that even men from the surrounding ships turned to look at their king and leader who had snapped so fast at his best friend. Odysseus gasped in realization and rubbed his pained eyes with his hand.

“I’m sorry…” he mumbled half-heartedly, “But no need to worry. Go to eat Polites. Just give me the water…”

Polites looked at the sack he had brought with him under his arm. He sighed but obeyed anyways. Odysseus opened the cork with his teeth and sucked a few sips greedily but he poured plenty of it over his head. As the cool water contrasted his warm from sun skin, he felt waking up a bit. He returned the skin to Polites.

“Thank you…”he mumbled again, “You can bring me some bread later. Go and finish your own meal. I shall be fine.”

“But I-…”          

The glare he received though made him stop and just sigh. He took the bowl away according to the instructions and he went to the other eating men that did not have a rowing duty at that time. Odysseus, even in his blurred vision he could tell they would often look at him wondering what was wrong. He grunted in annoyance and he felt the precious sack one more time. He gasped soundly as he didn’t feel the cork! Frantically he searched again and sighed in relief, realizing that the sack had just rolled a bit to the corner. The cork was still there; it was closed as it should be. He took a few breaths hoping his already racing heart would stop beating, no, hammering his ribcage so violently.

“Endure…just a bit longer…don’t derail now…endure…”

He moved his cracking neck in a circle hoping some blood circulation would return to his sluggish brain.

“You are almost there…you can do it…do not falter on me now…endure my heart! Endure, my mind! Just a bit longer…you’re almost there…”

*

The hated night came and Odysseus had to find so many things to distract himself; the stars? He counted them so many times. The waves? He could hardly see them in the dark and in his doubling vision. The creaking of the sail? Impossible. And yet for some reason he endured…and the day after it…and the night after it… The day that followed his eyes had pretty much sunken in their sockets as the black bags under them made him almost seem like a shadow. He had managed to endure so far and yet the game was getting lost. He had to constantly check now…check if his eyes worked properly for he could often see double. His ears were buzzing and he had to constantly wet his face with salt water from a flask he requested by his side for he would be completely rolling on the deck. The voices of his men were distant to his ears. The day before he had yet another attempt from his men to approach him. He had pretty much sent them away. The talk that used to relieve his sleepiness now seemed as annoying as a horsefly constantly biting his leg at the beach. His heart would often beat irrationally; sending him signals he was getting close to his limits. He didn’t need to have his infamous intelligence (which now faltered him further and further) to realize they were talking about him at this point.

“They are right, you know…”

The sweet voice made him look at the side. Sure she was there. Penelope, with her beautiful crimson veil covering her long hair like the last day he remembered her. Her snow white skin glowing in the sunlight, her eyes resembling the waves of the sea reflected the sunrays… His heart leaped in his chest. She was sitting there on the edge of his ship like a neriad, looking over to the waves. That face turned to look at him as youthful as ever and smiled almost maternally.

“You always do that; putting yourself in impossible situations like that. You do not care of yourself well, love…”

“Penelope…” his voice escaped his chest before he could stop it

It was a whisper; a prayer. But he shook his head and lowered his face back to the deck.

“No…” he mumbled, “Not real… This is not real…”

He had experienced it before; somewhere between his blurry and double vision he could see some shadows and shapes dancing across the deck. Sometimes they resembled humans and sometimes they didn’t. Even now he could swear he could hear a distant giggle somewhere he couldn’t put his finger on.

“You figured it out”

The voice had changed. It was now deeper but also more unworldly. He looked up and he saw his guardian mentor sitting in the same spot. Those eyes that resembled the moon shining unworldly; armor shining like gold and yet wouldn’t make his eyes shrink away; colors and patterns upon the magnificent plate on her chest and the aegis she wore. The magnificent double-plumed helmet adorned her head; a snake-shaped golden armband adorned her upper arm. He scoffed in defeat.

“Athena…” he whispered, “Stop playing games with me! Don’t test me like that…”

“You were always too clever for your own good, Odysseus…” the Tritogeneia Pallas replied, her pore-less skin resembling sometimes ivory, sometimes taking a light color as if tanned by the sun, “And a bit foolish too. That was part of your charm…”

“What would you know of my soul?” Odysseus said in a snarky manner, “You weren’t there when that monster was eating us!”

“Now, now, Odysseus” her owl-like eyes shone warningly, “It doesn’t suit you to be blasphemous to me! Remember what I told you when you saw Aias the son of Telamon in his tent; I can do this and much more, Odysseus…”

Odysseus blinked repeatedly fighting off his head falling again. Her voice had a weird lulling effect on him.

“Then why…?” he whispered almost tearing up, “Why weren’t you there?”

“The gods do not require explanation for their decisions, Odysseus. You should know that more than anyone”

“Why are you playing with me, Athena? Aren’t we tormented enough?”

Athena’s face suddenly lit up with a wide grin; it was a grin that could easily belong to an owl before she rushed at the mouse she got her eyes on. It was a toothy ear-to-ear grin.

“You know it more than I do…this is hardly over Odysseus…”

Her voice had grown suddenly distant from him, like fading mist over the mountains in the morning. Echoing repeatedly, as if in a cave; it was slowly fading. Instead her voice had transformed…again…into something much more worldly.

“Odysseus…”

Much more familiar…

“Odysseus”

He nearly jumped out of his skin coming back to reality. He recognized the black hair of his second-in-command, Eurylochus, who had come at him. Apparently it was him who was calling him.

“What?” he asked weakly

“Who are you talking to?”

“What?” he asked again like a drunk man

He looked over to the rim where Athena used to sit and there was nothing there; just the endless blue of the sky. His mind got a second of clarity as he realized if Eurylochus had heard him talking to Athena then Athena was never there. Usually she would conceal them both from the world so no one would be aware of their conversations.

“It was not real then…?” he thought bitterly, “It was an illusion? Athena really abandoned us…? Was this because of what happened to Troy…? Is Athena still crossed with me…?”

He sighed in misery.

“Oh gods…I might be losing my mind! No, it is because of the trip…”

“You don’t seem okay…” Eurylochus said as a matter of fact

His blood-shot eyes glared deeply into his brother-in-law’s and that glare might as well intend to kill if it could.

“I am fine! I have said that a thousand times during this damned journey!”

“So you say but look at you! You now seem to talk by yourself in things that are not there. You need to rest”

“What I need is you go back to your duties and leave me in peace, Eurylochus!”

“Captain! This can’t go on, you will crumble like this! Just…lie to the side and get some sleep, we’re close…”

His hand went to make a move to slowly remove Odysseus from his sitting spot but as it happened he also touched the crimson sack Odysseus was clasping under his arm. He might as well have poked a lion awake.

“DON’T TOUCH THAT!” Odysseus bellowed, violently pushing Eurylochus away

The stunned man fell down on the deck; completely unprepared for such a reaction.

“Okay, sire…okay…” he mumbled once he found his breath

He had held his hand out as if he was trying to calm a wild dog, struggling back to his squatting position.

“I only wanted to help…”

Odysseus rubbed his eyes again, as if trying to find his composure or at least reduce his murderous anger. But even the fact that Eurylochus talked to him like a simpleton or a madman irritated him to the ends of it.

“Then leave me the hell alone and go about your damn business!” he snarled at him, “I won’t say this again, Eurylochus! Do not test my patience!”

Eurylochus raised his hands in defeat.

“Okay, captain…okay…”

Odysseus leaned back against the deck as if trying to recover from the shock. It was close… Eurylochus had nearly ruined everything…! He nearly had opened the bag! No, he couldn’t let that happen! He had to make sure none of his men would accidentally damage it! He WOULD assure that! They were getting close! He would have sworn he recognized those waters. They would make it there. And THEN he would be able to finally rest…and think what he could do to counter Poseidon’s anger. He WOULD make it!

“Athena… She is not here…I cannot feel her presence…then I am alone…I must do this alone…I have no choice…”

He felt once more the consequences of sleepless nights. Once again he shook his head. He would refuse the blanket or the shawl tonight. Perhaps the night’s chill would assist his effort to remain awake.

~~~~~~~~

I write this after @adrift-in-thyme encouraged me to in this analysis to write the scene with the sack of Aeolus in a fic. Quite frankly indeed I intended to make it a one-shot but as usual it turned out bigger! Hehehe! So this will probably be a 2-part thing. The next part is under construction.

So if you remember this other analysis of mine I am analyzing on the consequences of sleepless nights being partly the reason his men were distrustful. So yes no mystery here I am afraid. Just a small thing that came to my mind! Hahaha and I was also kinda sleepless while writing it so the annoyance was real hahahaha!

So yes since poor Odysseus didn't have access to coffee or energy drinks I had to figure out what we do to remain awake so some is to blink or shake the head or distract oneself and then using water or avoiding eating too much so that stomach will not use up blood from the brain for digestion. Hehe so yeah I tried to figure out what the guy had to do to remain awake on a freaking ROCKING ship!

So another is the difference between hallucination and delusion.

Halucination is seeing or hearing things that do not exist

Delusion is believing the things that do not exist are real

So the first things Odysseus gets are hallucinations both visual and oral but then comes Athena. Athena is a delusion. For a little while Odysseus TRULY BELIEVES she is there. I chose Athena because technically Odysseus is familiar with Athena appearing to him so the idea of her suddenly appearing wouldn't be a surprise thus believing she is truly there. But she isn't.

Athena's appearance was inspired a lot on her attributes (owl-eyes or blue/gray/shiny eyes) and partially on her description in Iliad and some sculptures of greece like Pallas Athena (double-plumed helmet is described in the Iliad) and her armband/bracelet was a random adittion. Maybe a touch of femininity? But also because in Titanomachy Athena was also associated with snakes and there are sculptures that show her fighting Titans with snakes. Her skin being poreless and marble-like is basically a thing of mine when I describe gods and goddesses for some reason! Hehehe (I use the same trope on Calypso in my story Survivor's Guilt and Survivor's Duty P2 ). The fact that I made Athena have almost iridescent skin was a random adittion to show that she is a higher being than Calypso! Hahaha ignore my random imagination! XD

And some "Philoctetes" reference here. You know me I try to incorporate parts of the Epic Cycle but I try to keep it "Homer-centered" hehe

And again I have to remind people that I imagine Eurylochus be around average sized man close to Odysseus and Polites much bigger and stronger based on some older representations of the character! Hehe!

Cheesy title obviously chosen by the famous film! Hahahaha! Sorry guys! XD

What do you guys think? Do you like it? What would you do differently? Let me know to your comments and reblogs below! ^_^

~~

Also a shoutout to keep eyes open for my friend @artsofmetamoor and her amazing art! Especially recently we have some mythology-themed stuff plus some more AUs on our art exchange and collaboration!! You can visit her latest works with our OCs created like Apollo and Artemis and you can expect some Odysseus and Athena inspirations for our OCs and many many more!!! Please stay tunned!

[powdermelonkeg]

You reblogged a post about the practical female armors mod for skyrim and now i am being sucked back into the pit of skyrim modding. any mod suggestions? its been a solid couple years since i played and there's a LOT to choose from

Oh man I haven't had a chance to play since my computer broke lemme see what my last modlist was.

(One moment while I force my broken computer to work)

So fair warning, I like survival aspects. I like it when games require me to eat/sleep/do things to live, because then the 15 cheese wheels in my inventory actually mean something besides instant health. I also really like companionship and roleplaying elements, so most of my playthroughs are built around that.

Dependencies not included:

Campfire: Camping mechanics. Supports a party of 4, if I remember correctly. Also lets you craft a few things, but I'm more interested in stargazing with my buddies.

Vitality Mode: Current iteration of "better than Survival Mode" mechanics. Eat/drink/sleep/etc. Does it very nicely with a corner icon that gets more red the worse off you are, rather than whatever SM had going on. Also lets you configure modded food items for it just by eating them!

Pronouns: Pick what pronouns you go by regardless of default body. Will attempt to exclude gendered language if possible (like, it's unavoidable with Brynjolf calling you lad/lass, but you can pick which one it falls back to) if you pick they/them. You can set percentages of different pronoun sets or even have it change randomly on a timer.

Quality World Map: PUTS. THE ROADS. ON. THE MAP. If you're doing no fast travel, this is VITAL. Base map is terrible, next question.

Delphine's Map Reveals Dragon Mounds: Because it should.

Delay the Foresworn Conspiracy Quest: Ever get sick of being roped into that quest immediately? (Makes it so that guy doesn't hand you the note unless you talk to him directly. Main Street Stabbing™ is still there)

Dragonborn Delayed: Ever get sick of being roped into THAT quest immediately? (Especially given the suggested level of Solstheim...you can pick when it happens: after returning the horn, Delphine, Alduin's Wall, meeting Paarthurnax, getting the Elder Scroll, kicking Alduin's tail at the top of the mountain, or killing Alduin)

Extended Encounters: More encounters in the wild! Mercs, adventurers, vampire attacks, etc.

Vittoria's Alternate Wedding: She can get married without you killing her! She's not in engagement hell!!! Only triggers if you destroy the Dark Brotherhood.

Immersive Realistic Party Clothing Overhaul: Wear any "rich" clothes to the party instead of what Delphine gives you. I usually use this with mods that add more fancy clothes.

More To Say: Everyone talks more about a wider variety of things. Lets you tell Meeko he's a good boy and give him a treat. Makes a few new lines with splicing, but I haven't noticed any hard cuts.

Wonders of Weather: Splashy rain and rainbows, occasional shooting stars, scheduled meteor showers

Darker Nights: What it says on the tin. I like using torches and fires, and regular nighttime is unrealistically bright for me.

Whiterun Watchtower Doesn't Start Broken: Because why should it?

Cooking Inns and Taverns: Because I need more cooking pots and ESPECIALLY Hearthfire ovens to find.

C.O.I.N.: Adds immersion by changing coins based on where you are. Ancient Nordic coins are going to be worth less than the standard Septim, while Thalmor gold is worth more. There are Dwemer coins.

More Thalmor Dossiers: Makes more lore books on characters to pick up when you're in the embassy. Also has patches for some followers. Very fun.

Bandolier: More carry weight and it looks cool.

Guard Dialogue Overhaul: Gives guards more to say, and changes their opinions of you as you complete quests.

Bandit Lines Expansion: Bandits talk more, 500+ new lines. Spliced, but it sounded smooth to me.

Alternate Start: If you're sick of the standard Helgen entry, THIS. Also the New Beginnings add-on gives even more options.

No Fast Travel: Honestly this is just a me thing, because I use Vitality Mode and want realism. Only go for this if you're like me and it won't frustrate you.

Followers (aka, my party pre-BG3)

Gore by @goredev: A young Imperial mercenary from Cyrodiil, was ambushed by Thalmor because of some traitorous members of his band. Absolute sweetheart, riveting story, fantastic found family vibes all around. 10/10 would kill for him. Updates often, so check the mod page every now and then after install.

Inigo: An indigo Khajiit who put himself in prison because he thinks he killed you. Amazing banter, very cheeky, comes with his own whistle-signal mechanics. You can buy him a horse if you have the right patch! (He interacts with Lucien right out the gate and has a banter patch with Auri)

Lucien Flavius: An Imperial scholar from Cyrodiil with a myriad of unique mechanics, letting you teach him your own skills in order to customize his battle style. He's in Skyrim looking for a (custom made, well-implemented) Dwemer dungeon. The lad has a MILLION compatibility patches that let him comment on all sorts of mods. (Interacts with Auri right out the gate)

Auri by @sotgofficial: A Bosmer from Valenwood who's having a lot of culture shock in Skyrim (where she's from, canonically, her people are cannibals and don't harm plants—she HATES Faendal with a seething passion). A fantastic character (and archer), a heartwrenching story, openly poly and likes to tease. Will be a little annoyed/depressed until you do her personal quest, so I recommend chipping away at that as you travel. I usually use her with the Refined Auri replacer.

Taliesin by @dynamite124, voiced by @nevermorepjm: My personal favorite, an Altmer and former Thalmor agent you help after he's been mortally wounded. Lots of sassy and witty dialogue, bursting with personality, changes his opinion of you over the course of the main quest. Please I'm begging you watch his trailer.

Khash by @rabbittwinrithings: Darling little Argonian teenager you can take along with you. Doesn't get sarcasm, speaks her mind often, can be coaxed into talking about her past—that's not a typical Argonian name, is it? Resident gremlin alongside Auri.

Back to normal stuff, visuals

Tempered Skins for Males/Females: Gives a decent look without airbrushing everyone because I am SO sick of airbrushing everyone... There are dicks in the setup screen (when you set whether you want them or not), beware.

Improved Eyes: Just a little tweak.

Brows: Another little tweak.

Subliminal Traps: Makes traps less obvious. It's masochistic, yes, but I like my immersion.

Awesome Potions Simplified: You look at these and tell me they aren't the coolest looking potion bottles you've ever seen.

[i-like-turkey]

I announced on Twitter that I was taking a step back from social media and fandom to deal with a personal matter. That’s still true. I just need to barf some feelings into the universe. I’m putting them under a cut. This is NOT an easy read and I’m NOT holding back details. Don’t feel compelled or obligated to share my pain. TW: Pet death & grief.

I said goodbye to my little girl on Thursday. She’s been my world since I took her home at the end of July 2012. It was both sudden and not sudden. So I’m in shock, but I’m also not really surprised. There were signs that something bad was looming and I had this gut feeling as early as January that this wasn’t gonna be a good year for us.

This likely all started a long time ago. I took her to the vet in August of 2022 right before we moved east. The vet told me that her heart didn’t sound 100%, but it wasn’t something that needed immediate intervention. She had a little murmur that could indicate heart disease and if it got worse, then I’d need to get her to a specialist to take pictures and then we’d likely get her on some medicine to deal with whatever the problem was.

So I heeded the advice to take a wait and see approach. My baby was acting fine. She made it across the country well. She had energy and life. Not quite her puppy energy, but she was 10, so that was normal. I took her to the vet again this last August and I heard the same thing. She has a murmur. It’s not quite bad enough to get images. If it gets worse, we’ll refer you to a specialist. Ok. Great.

We keep living our life. She still has energy. Lunging at cars and barking at other dogs and trying to get endless pets from all of the strangers we’d encounter while walking in our neighborhood and riding our building’s elevators. I can’t tell y’all how many people would ask how old she was and be surprised when I told them 11.

So we get to January and she’s coughing a bit more than she usually does. Background: for the last few years of her life, she’d occasionally have coughing fits when she got super excited about something or barked too hard at a car. Worrying. But something I’d disclosed to all of the vets we’d seen and they didn’t seem perturbed by it. But now the coughing was every few days instead of a couple times a month or three days of coughing followed by months without a single damn cough.

It got really bad mid January. I took her into the vet. The same one who’d listened to her heart in August. He listened again. Nothing out of the ordinary. She didn’t have fluid in her lungs. Her energy was fine. He sent me home with antibiotics and a cough suppressant and told me to come back if she didn’t improve after a few days of treatment. She improved. Not right away. There were scary times where her breathing was all labored, but after a few days of the meds, she was doing better, and by the end she seemed fine.

And then we get to last Sunday and I hear a cough and that wasn’t good. And then Monday she’s coughing a bit more and I’m getting nervous. I talk to my parents and we agree to not do anything yet because illnesses can linger and her energy was fine. My mom came over that night and we were standing by the laundry closet doors and my pup pulled a toy out of her toy basket and was just running all over the living room with it. She was shaking her head and growling and having an absolute blast flinging that thing everywhere for the entire lengthy time my mom and I were chatting. She didn’t look sick. She looked like a puppy with lots of gray hair.

Then my mom leaves and we sit on the couch and she rolls over for belly rubs and immediately has to roll back over to cough. Then she cuddles up to me and we sit there and watch TV and I pet her and then I take her out and we go through our nighttime routine. She seemed fine.

Tuesday was a good day. She had energy. We played a bit with one of her favorite toys. We had some good cuddles. I only heard a few coughs.

Wednesday morning she seemed ok energy wise. She coughed when she rolled over for belly rubs right after I got home from my morning walk (solo cause it’s long & hilly. She also got one every morning). I didn’t notice anything abnormal during the day. Then we go out for our evening walk and she’s sluggish. That also wasn’t abnormal cause her energy had been fading for the last few years. Sometimes she’d race through our walks. Sometimes she liked to take a leisurely pace. I never worried cause if a car zoomed past she’d lunge and bark and if she saw a dog, she’d lose her mind. But we passed a couple dogs that night and nothing. That had me on edge. But then we get inside and I put on her favorite TV show, Person of Interest, and she was barking up a storm at Bear and seemed fine. I take that as a positive sign and relax a little.

I make dinner. We go to the couch for nightly cuddles. She rolls over for belly rubs. Starts coughing immediately. I pet her through it. Then she cuddles into my side and coughs a couple more times as we sit there. I put her to bed at her usual bedtime. I hear her coughing a few times as I’m struggling to fall asleep. Then I wake up Thursday and she’s in bad shape. I don’t wanna describe it cause it’s too fucking tough to type and traumatic. But I get us scheduled with the nearby vet asap* and I keep an eye on my girl and her scary symptoms. The symptoms subside a bit. Then my mom comes over to help keep me calm as we wait for our appointment time. My baby perks up when she hears my mom knock. She runs from the couch to the door. She’s wagging her tail and barking and jumping on my mom. She goes and chugs half her bowl of water. We sit there with her for over an hour petting her as we talk. She’s breathing ok. Her tail is between her legs, so that’s a sign something isn’t right. But she’s getting all the love from us and seemed happy.

Then we leave. She pees and poops on the way (I didn’t take her out first thing that morning cause part of the scary badness that I’m skipping is that she peed inside). The vet comes in and listens to her. I show a video I took of her that morning. The vet’s reaction said it all. She snapped into action. Took my baby out of the room for x-rays. As that was happening we were going over pricing options with a tech and then shit kinda really hit the fan cause the x-rays were bad. No specialty review necessary. She had fluid around her heart. So we start talking about transporting her to a specialist. They bring my girl back in. The tech just kinda drops the leash and steps away as soon as my girl is through the door. She starts racing directly to me and she collapses. My mom runs for help. They take her away again. The vet ends up doing the procedure she would have sent us elsewhere to do. Basically draining the fluid. It’s blood. They get her stable and hooked up on oxygen and give me the option of trying to get her to the animal hospital for further intervention. But the vet was clear that she’d probably die on the way and it was VERY clear at that point that she wasn’t gonna get better from this. It was a heart tumor. Something had ruptured and started bleeding. There was no fix. So I made the call to let her go. We got my dad and my brother on the line and told them to get their asses over to us. We stood there petting my baby as we waited. Then we said goodbye.

*In hindsight I maybe should have gotten her in the car and driven her to an emergency hospital. But the closest one ISN’T close. And that wouldn’t have changed the outcome. She hated the car enough that she would pant during two minute drives. 40 minutes (assuming relatively light rush hour traffic which is probably a bad assumption so more like 60 min) of that while she was already in breathing distress might have killed her. But assuming we made it, they could have intervened and maybe bought her a day or two. But this wasn’t something she was gonna get better from. That extra time would have been full of pain. So I made the right call. She got more loves from me and my mom at home and got to pass peacefully nearby while she was surrounded by everyone who loved her.

So I’m devastated and completely out of my mind at the moment. I don’t know what’s up or down. I’m keeping myself occupied between sobbing fits by going through all the pictures I’ve taken over the years. It’s a pain in the ass because my storage habits are terrible and my screenshotting habits are worse so I have hundreds of thousands of images scattered everywhere and now I have to dig through them to find my girl.

Here are some painful lessons I’ve learned from this:

Don’t store 77k images in a single folder on an external hard drive. You won’t be able to copy them all over to the iCloud at a single time unless you have a fuckton of available disk space on your Mac. And trying to scroll through the images will push your computer dangerously close to the limits (I really need a new machine 😬)

Don’t rely too heavily on Snapchat to takes pics. It’s fun in the moment, but 5-6 years later you’re gonna cringe & regret that all your cute dogs pics from that era are plastered over with weird graphics. A Happy Mother’s Day pic with my dog on the couch behind me, hearts all above us, and a damn Wookie filter plastered over my face? jfc 🤦🏼‍♀️

Do give yourself a refresher on how Snapchat works lest you go through and favorite a bunch of memories, see a pop up flash about them getting added to a story, and then have a full on panic attack in front of your parents about how you might have accidentally shared semi-naked pics of yourself with the few people that still follow you 😅 (Yes, I’ve been been known to take and share some risqué pics. Yes, I wanted to download them before deleting them. I might be grieving, but I can still see a pic of my 2018 back muscles and think “Damn!” 🫣🤣)

Don’t be so lax and sloppy about your picture storage habits that you’re forced to keyword search your text messages for pictures cause it’s a good way to find out just how many women you’ve texted dog pics to throughout the years 🥴 She was a great wing woman, but she also loved to clam jam me cause she thought she was the one who should be getting kisses when I’d sit on my couch with a woman 😂

Do find a balance between taking pictures of every damn thing and living in the moment. I stopped taking lots of pics since my east coast move cause I wanted to get away from my compulsive snapping. Now I regret not taking at least one daily shot of her sleeping on the couch.

Do have other people take pictures of you and your dog. So far I’ve only found two different occasions on which someone else took a picture of me and my baby together. All other pics of us are terrible selfies or feature just my hand/arm/legs. I have memories of all those moments that I spent with her, but it hurts to not have a father away perspective on them. Part of this is my fault for living thousands of miles from my family, being fairly closed off to human connections aside from shallow hookups and activity buddies, and viewing my home as a sacred domain accessible to people only if there wasn’t another option for where we could hang out.

Thank you anyone who has made it this far. Please go hug your pets and tell them that you love them. If you would like to leave me a note, that’s very welcome. I don’t have the energy to engage, so it’s unlikely I will respond until the day my energy returns. Idk when that will be. Right now I’m still in the sobbing hysterically as I process my new reality phase. I need to get through that before I’ll be ready to start communicating normally. I’m hopeful that I’ll only need a week or two in this phase. But who knows. Grief is hard to predict. All I can do now is stay patient and work through it.

[beaniebabz]

Creek Turned AU

I tried doing something a little bit different, so please let me know what you think! Also, if anyone has any suggestions for titles that would be great cause ya girl was struggling HARD. Anyway, I hope you all like it! 🫶🫶🫶

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The wind howled in the night. Lightning crashed and boomed in the sky of charcoal-colored clouds, while raindrops heavier than stone rattled against glass panes. Safely indoors, Tweek Tweak sat cross-legged and alone, wrapped in a fleece blanket. He was one of the few people awake at this time, his roommate Jimmy sound asleep in his bedroom. The boy sat hunched over on his couch, flat from years of use, while gingerly holding his fifth cup of coffee. 

Besides the occasional bolt, the only source of light inside the murky room was the TV. If you asked him, he probably couldn't even tell you exactly what was playing. No, the sleep-deprived boy was mentally going through his thunderstorm checklist. Created from information gathered from online articles, this routine, meant to protect his household, is practically carved into his mind.

Whenever this were to happen, Tweek wanted to make sure of two things; Stay away from metal tubing, and openings to the outdoors. He made this abundantly clear to Jimmy every time the sky began to roar. Being near water pipes was not allowed until the gloomy weather subsided. Tweek even brewed his evening pot of coffee in advance. He checked that all of the seats in the two boy’s apartment were away from any exterior exit, including their beds. Even now, Tweek was sitting in the rightmost corner of the worn sofa, as far away from the external chaos as he could be in the living room. 

Tweek’s head whipped towards the window at the sound of rapid tapping. The lack of light forced him to squint to try to make out the root of the noise. A stroke of electricity then raced across the glass and illuminated the source. The boy’s startled expression turned horrified when the flash briefly revealed the silhouette of a looming figure, crouched down and hanging onto a ledge. He let out an ear-splitting shriek at the sight and bolted toward his bedroom. In his panic, Tweek hurled both his drink and quilt across the room; the cup flying into the television and shattered its screen into a sea of sparks. 

The boy slammed his bedroom door shut and flipped the lock. He panted breathlessly as he sat slumped against the door, fists tangled in his mangy flaxen hair. In his frenzy, he didn't get a good look at who or what was trying to come inside. Now that he thought about it…

“…What the fuck was that?"

Tweek racked his brain to try to decipher what it was he was dealing with. If he remembers correctly, whatever it was had long angular legs and slender fingers. Something that large couldn't have been an animal, which meant it definitely was a person. The concept made the boy's sweat turn cold. What was a random stranger doing at his home at four in the morning? How did they even get there? Unless… it wasn't human.

The young boy was no newcomer to the world of the supernatural. The stories surrounding them had always interested him growing up, the certainty that monsters were simple folklore proved to be a pleasant distraction from the constant stress he endured. However, what Tweek saw in the rain flushed all of that previous comfort away. Its nighttime appearance, its ability to climb onto high places, all of the form’s characteristics reminded Tweek of what he read about vampires. He decided to consult his encyclopedia just to be sure. 

Tweek scampered over to his shelf to consult the book. He wiped the carpet of dust off its cover, coughing from the fluttering particles. His fingers grazed its leather cover and golden imprinted lettering. It brought back memories of his teenage years. He purchased the almanac after he saw the movie Twilight, as a way to defend himself just in case pointed-toothed Casanovas infested his school’s campus. Tweek flicked open the guide and quickly scanned its pages. Reading the entry on vampires and connecting it to what he saw, the boy concluded that he was most likely dealing with a fanged merciless creature of the night. He continued to read the chapter. It said that these beings can only come inside if they are invited. As long as Tweek didn't do that, he and Jimmy would be safe. 

The boy decided to confront the unknown intruder with the courage he scraped from this newfound information. The book stated that holy objects repel devilish fiends, so he brought his silver rosary for protection. As Tweek tiptoed out of his bedroom, gripping his necklace, his mind flooded with worry. What if the encyclopedia instructions were wrong? What if the brute was already inside lurking about, waiting for the perfect chance to strike? Or even worse, what if Tweek got bitten and was forced to slaughter people for eternity? Not only does that seem absolutely revolting, but Tweek couldn't even fathom the number of STDs he would get from drinking the blood of complete strangers. 

The floorboards creaked beneath Tweek’s feet as he tiptoed into the living room. The lightning had stopped, and the flatscreen was smashed, leaving the room in an eerie black void. The darkness was so strong that the boy could no longer see the visitor perched outside. He opted to turn on the lamp that stood near the right side of the sofa; Tweek wanted to be as far away from the invader as possible. As he reached for the lamp's switch, he paused at the ding of more tapping coming from the window, promptly accompanied by a male voice. 

“Tweek? Can you let me in, I’m freezing my ass out here.” 

The blonde could swear the man sounded familiar. His tone was dull and nasal, almost as if he had the flu. It reminded him of Craig Tucker, an old comrade who has been missing for weeks. Now curious, Tweek clicked the lamp on. His morpho blue eyes were dumbfounded at the sight of his lost buddy. Why was he here of all places? The two weren’t very close despite sharing many friends. Tweek decided to abandon his initial assumption that the foreigner was of the occult, he was certain that Craig wouldn't hurt him. 

“Dude, stop staring and let me inside.” 

Craig’s blunt statement yanked Tweek out of his thoughts. He was standing zoned out while staring at the boy… who was still sitting in the cold. 

“Oh geez, I'm sorry!” he apologized. 

Tweek darted to the window to let him in. As soon he twisted the latch open, Craig instantly started to wiggle his way inside to escape the downpour. In his haste, the boy's drenched sneakers slipped on the ledge and he tumbled onto the floor with a curse and a weighted thud.

“Agh, I'm sorry Craig! Are you okay?” 

“Stop apologizing. I'm fine, just help me up.” His lips were downturned in a sour expression. 

Tweek scurried down to assist Craig, who grimaced in pain upon their immediate contact. The skin of his palm sizzled from Tweek’s rosary; He had forgotten to set it down. Craig kneeled on the floor while he gripped his burning palm.  

“What the hell, man! Why are you holding that?!” he hissed. 

Tweek was on the verge of shouting yet another apology when he glimpsed two short pearly white daggers on the inside of Craig's mouth. He almost tripped over his feet trying to retreat from the boy, screaming and holding his necklace to his chest as he backed away. Tweek's mouth was aghast as he gawked at Craig. He was wrong in deserting his plan, and because of that now he was doomed to be an undead nightcrawler who treats people like human Capri-Suns. 

“You’re a fucking vampire?! This is why you wanted me to let you in, so you could eat me!” 

“Tweek, calm down. I'm not going to eat you; I just need somewhere to lay low for a bit. You’re always up late, so I came here. Besides, you drink so much coffee I bet your blood tastes like shit anyway.” Craig reasoned.

Tweek felt somewhat comforted by the boy's insult. He had forgotten how vulgar he could be. At least he wasn't going to get killed.

“Alright then, I believe you… for now. I’ll go grab a towel for you, and something for your hand.”

The nappy-haired boy stood up and set out for the items. He grabbed a towel, a dampened cloth, and a gauze bandage. When he returned with the objects, Craig had moved to stand in the center of the room by the coffee table. His pain seemed to subside a bit since his face shifted from aching to a simple furrowed brow. He also stopped cradling his injury. Tweek approached the boy and presented him with the chilled cloth and gauze. 

“Aren’t vampires supposed to have regeneration powers? I figured you would have healed already.” Tweek questioned. 

“Stuff like that only happens in the movies. I have noticed that my body does heal faster than normal, but it still takes a while.” Craig replied. 

A shower of silence fell over the room. Tweek settled as Craig continued to mend his wound. In the meantime, the boy seized the opportunity to finally get an in-depth look at his friend's face. He really hasn’t seen him in a long time, no one has. At first, their group didn't question it. Everyone simply shrugged it off as Craig being Craig, including Tweek. The loner always was the kind of person to not care about others and just disappear as he pleased. However, as time went on with no word from him, the group began to worry that something awful happened. They were all dwelling on his whereabouts, but no one could track him. Tweek knew that this was the reason. 

Still watching on, the caffeine-addict couldn’t help but notice Craig's appearance. While the boys were both fair-skinned, compared to Tweek, the ghouls' skin was a moonlike gray. His eyes were surrounded by dark circles so intense they rivaled Tweek's own. Besides that, oddly not much else had changed. While the color from his complexion had drained, his eyes stayed their rich forest green. The fierce shadows now made them glisten, like wet tree leaves. His ebony locks were the same as well, if not a little longer. Once again, Tweek’s musings were interjected. 

“Okay, dude, I know this whole situation is weird, but you seriously need to stop staring.” Craig remarked. 

“Ngh, I'm sorry…again. It’s just so weird to see you like this. Everyone is worried about you. You just disappeared.” Tweek fiddled with his hands while he spoke. 

“Well, if you couldn’t tell, I've been a little busy.” Craig gestured towards himself sarcastically.

“Yeah, and you still haven’t told me why.” 

Craig did not respond. He soon finished wrapping his burn anyway, so Tweek passed him the second towel. They then moved to sit on opposite ends of the couch. Craig wrapped himself in the borrowed towel, tucking it under his legs at the insistence of Tweek, while said boy sheathed himself in his recovered blanket. The two sat in utter quiet. Tweek attempted to break the tension. 

“Why won’t you tell me what happened to you?” 

“Because I don't want to talk about it.” 

“Okay… Well then how did you end up at my window?” 

“I told you that already.” 

“No, you said you needed somewhere to “lay low for a bit”. You never told me why.” 

Tweek's question was left unanswered again. Craig wasn’t even looking at him, instead staring at the living room's decor. His lack of communication made Tweek want to scream until his voice gave out. It was bad enough that the anxious boy wasn’t skilled at keeping a conversation, but Craig's refusal to communicate was making an already awkward evening unbearable. Tweek was at his wit's end, the vein in his forehead swelling up like it was about to burst. 

“You’re such an asshole, you know that?!” he squawked. 

“I’m the asshole? You’re the one who burnt my fucking hand!” Craig shot a dirty glare in Tweek's direction. 

“That wasn’t on purpose! Ngh… this is all your fault! You came knocking outside my home in the middle of a storm and scared me so badly I smashed Jimmy's TV!” 

Tweek unclenched the grip he had on his hair at the thought of his roommate. He was so caught up in this whole situation that he completely forgot about Jimmy. What was he supposed to tell him when he saw that his flatscreen was destroyed? Tweek wanted to collapse in on himself and disappear. It felt like he was sitting inside against his bedroom door all over again. 

“Jimmy…He’s going to be so mad at me. I’ll get thrown out for sure…” Tweek muttered to himself as he rocked back and forth.

“Wait, Jimmy lives here? You don't live alone?” 

“Live alone? Do you seriously think I could live alone? Oh my God I’m going to have to live alone…” 

“Snap out of it man. He can’t find out that I'm here.” 

Just as Tweek was about to question Craig's statement, he heard a door creek open down the hall. As if on cue, Jimmy must have finally heard them arguing and come to investigate.

“How does he stay asleep during the TV smashing but wake up because of an argument? Can you believe that, Craig…” 

Tweek's sentence trailed off when he turned around. The window was agape and the vampire was gone, as mysterious and sudden as when he appeared.

[the-roo-too]

candy -> choi yunjin ver

aka the fluff alphabet

admiration (what does she absolutely adore about you)- how you stuck with her through it all :(( training, nmixx, leaving nmixx, the scandal, new company. please remind her often you love her :(

body (what’s her favourite body part of yours)- your nose, jinni adores eskimo kisses. she can and will hit you with a pillow if she doesn’t get her cute lil eskimo kisses at least once a day

cuddling (how she likes to cuddle)- hogs you like a bear, if you’re alone. if there’s someone with you, like the rest of nmixx girlies or whatever, she’s a bit shyer to be so affectionate

dates (what’s her ideal date)- did i mention disney move nights? yes please! you two totally have matching lion king pyjamas that are like the special mandatory move night outfit

emotions (how does she express her emotions around you)- she’s a tease if that counts? when she’s happy you can easily tell, because she’ll do something goofy, like stick out her tongue at you and hold your phone out of your reach, if you’re shorter than her. if you’re taller, she’ll probably again, steal your phone, but now run away giggling

family (does she want one)- again, a cat lover. oh, you’ll have the cute scottish fold one :(( a cuddles partner for sure

holding hands (does she like to hold hands)- not really holding hands, but she likes to walk when you hold onto her arm. i feel like you joke about it, walk dressed up all fancy at least once a week 😭

injuries (what would she do if you got hurt)- yunjin would panic but like, full on panic mode. do you need soup? do you need cuddles? oh god why is your arm bleeding? i feel like lily is her emergency contact and anytime something happens, she just calls the older girl because you both need help ㅠㅠ

jokes (does she like to joke around)- you two have a couple inside jokes, but she also likes to share with you occasional pick-up lines she heard around

kisses (how does she like to kiss you)- ya remember eskimo kisses i mentioned? that!!!! of course other kisses on cheek and whatnot too, but eskimo kisses <333

love (what’s her love language)- reminding you she loves you! it’s a little thing she likes to do always before you go out in the morning. as you’re putting on your shoes, she suddenly crouches next to you, gives you a kiss on the cheek and says ‘hope you have a wonderful day, love! remember i love you so much.’ <33

memory (what’s her favourite memory together)- jinni invited you to open entwurf albums with her members after the comeback. her fave memory is when you opened your album, told sullyoon on your left that she’s really pretty, and snatched yoona’s photocard, as she got jinni. in exchange, you gave the older girl a pc of herself 🫶

nighttime (how does sleeping with her look like)- she’s either hogging you up to her chest and sleeping calmly, or cheating on you with her mufasa plushie. there’s no other option. the one time you tried to take her plush lion and hug him as a revenge? you slept on the couch for two nights (rip)

oddity (what’s a quirky thing about her)- it’s yet to be said in the next paragraph, but she has a very goofy name for you. my girl is a disney lover, please buy her all of the lion king’s merch

pet names (what does she like to call you)- DEFINITELY CALLS YOU NALA?!,!,’;!;£;&:);) she’s your simba :(( that’s the coolest one, the rest include the casual baby, love etc

quality time (how does she like to spend time with you)- yunjin definitely loves watching films with you, especially disney movies! you have your own karaoke party every time something like frozen or the lion king is on. you both know the scripts by heart now, but it’s still as fun as it was the first time you did a movie night together

rush (does she rush into things)- absolutely not. she needs to plan things out at least a little bit in advance. she likes to have things under control, just for the sake of it

secrets (how open is she with you)- overall jinni is open, but i feel like with the leaving nmixx thingy? you don’t know. she doesn’t want to burned you with her work stuff. definitely spoils you her new comeback tho, support her!!!!!

time (how long did it take for her to confess)- yunjin deadass accidentally blurred it out. she saw you, thought you’re pretty, had her jaw dropped basically. you asked her what was wrong and she all but yelled ‘please go out with me’. the teasing she got from the maknae line…

upset (what’s her reaction when you’re upset)- she would pout playfully, but when she notices you’re really upset, she just kinda hugs you close and starts whispering cute comforting things. OH SHE TOTALLY PLAYS WITH YOUR HAIR :((

visibility (is she afraid of the public opinion)- you remember december? my girl is terrified of public opinion. if you came out before all that, i think everything would be fine, but now? pls protect the baby :((

warrior (how often do you fight)- i wouldn’t call it fighting, but you bicker quite often. it’s about harmless things, like how you said to make pasta and she cooked rice. most of those get resolved with ‘yah! get here you little-!’ and a tickle fight <3

x-ray (is she able to read you)- most situations? yeah, pretty well at that. jinni sometimes just kinda acknowledges what you said, but forgets about it and does something differently

yes (how would she propose to you)- to be honest, i feel like yunjin wouldn’t propose. it’s not that she expects you to do so, she just doesn’t see the need to. you’re both in love and aware of that, why would you need some paper to prove that? would deffo get you promise rings tho!

zen (what makes her feel calm)- the eskimo kisses i mentioned earlier. something about them feels so homey and nice <33

part of [the fluff series]

[electricbluebutterflies]

“Laying their hand on the other’s neck” of the touches prompt list for Cala/Tenax!

PG13-ish (very vague offscreen Implications) and also on ao3.

She could do this without even thinking. She could, but she won’t.

Cala is well aware of what kind of woman she is and every beautiful implication of that statement, and for the life she has lived, a housemate with night terrors is really not…

Well. It’s that housemate, so it’s a little more complicated, but she’s still got this.

They’ve worked out a routine in these months, kept it even in this too-big-for-so-few-people house that Cala has installed herself in because why choose a small apartment when she can have an entire wing of this place to herself. She tries to guess mood in advance, and the phases of the moon seem to have a little to do with it, this much moonlight means she should make her way down to the courtyard in the middle of the night and-

They have space for this now, she thinks as she sees her counterpart resting too much of his weight on a pilar, and yet nothing has changed.

At this point, she doesn’t need to ask. Moonlight is enough for haunted eyes – all these months in and she still wonders if he can rest if not in enough pain to be drugged into it – and she knows the vulnerability of this, she may well be the only person who’s ever-

“You don’t need to-“

“Don’t start. Not tonight.”

She doesn’t sleep well either, she’ll say someday but not for a year or two yet. She has survived less, yes, but the curse of her heart is the worry she carries so easily, worry multiplied in this city that may become home and all because-

“What more favors could I ever owe you?”

She wants to laugh; she doesn’t. “I’ve lost count. Your very life was… a while ago, I think.”

“And whatever lies beyond it.”

“And that.”

“I don’t know why you-“

“You’re no good to me if you’re haunted,” she murmurs, and she suspects those words have been used against him before but they both know she means no harm. “And you’re more tolerable this late at night.”

Daylight is for sparring, Cala thinks as she moves closer; nighttime is for whatever they may become, something softer and more-

“Does something trouble you too?”

“Is this not enough?”

“I would never ask-“

“It’s been a year. I’ve stopped caring if you ask.”

She puts her hand on the back of his neck and taps his skin with her fingernails, just enough touch for tethering. This is not a night to do more, she decides, as much as she wants to fold him into her, as much as she wants-

“I do owe you.”

“I know.”

“Ask, and I will-“

“What do you even have that I might want that I have not already claimed?”

“I’m half surprised you haven’t suggested marriage to keep us entwined.”

“Would you be able to consummate it if I did?”

The words slip out too fast and she’s never seen him blush before and it’s pretty, she thinks, shock but not horror, not-

“With you, yes. You are safe, and you are…”

She knows what he thinks of her – knows all too well from other nights, other needs – but there has been that line, and an occasional willingness to fall to his knees for her does not necessarily mean-

“Then perhaps I will ask that soon. If you would have me. If you would overlook that I have a few years on you, I could not give you children, and I have no intentions of-“

“Anyone who would limit you would not deserve you.”

And this is why she likes him, she thinks. This is why they are better together. Respectful men are rare; the affirmation of this one is something so fragile and precious and Cala can’t-

“Then I will ask,” she murmurs. “Perhaps in daylight. Or perhaps on a night you-“

“You know my answer.”

“Good.”

He leans into her and brushes his lips against her jaw, and she thinks she likes him best like this, the scratch of scuff opposite the caution, even now the uncertainty, even now-

“I am already yours. Perhaps it is only fair you reciprocate.”

Cala turns her head for a heartbeat of a kiss. “I already have.”

[altocat]

What kind of lounge clothes does each First wear around the house when they're not expecting to interact with anyone?

Angeal likes jeans and casual t-shirts. People have also pointed out his strange affinity for plaid. He also likes flannel. Weird dad with his weird dad tastes. He sometimes wears his gardening apron too. And special woolly socks on cold days.

Genesis wears whatever the hell he wants. This can vary between shirts to over the top coattails to jackets to literally nothing. It depends on his mood. He's very unpredictable. He probably just likes admiring himself in the mirror when he's alone. He occasionally just struts around in his bathrobe and slippers whenever he's lazing about.

Sephiroth staunchly prefers to wear his leather and armor even when off duty. On the rare occasion you see him dressed casually, it's--perplexingly enough given his apparently allergy to covering his chest--heavy turtlenecks and sweaters. Don't pretend to understand him. Sometimes he will just wear his nighttime sweatpants, so no shirt again.

[rgrectangle]

BEHOLD, A PINNED POST!

hello, I'M rect∆ngle. idk How to do introductions so lEmme tRy anyway!

i'm 15 and i'm indonEsian 🇮🇩. 10th grader, still holding on.

i play rhythm games, maybe too much. that's mostly it :/

The games I play include:

- Arcaea

- Phigros

- Project Sekai (JP Server)

- TAKUMI³

- Lanota

- Rotaeno

- Maimai DX

- Dynamix

...And much, much more because I deleted a lot (for storage) and I forgot >_>

Other games I play include: (in no particular order)

- Roblox

- Blue Archive

I also like 東方Project a lot :3

Well, idk what to say anymore tbh...

My socials:

Youtube

Twitter (rarely posts)

Twitch (rarely streams)

Discord: louisowen

Have a lovely day :)

I'm gonna start posting updates here, if anyone sees this, thanks. But don't tell anyone else, especially her. Oh, and for @/cheezyharu and @/carro179 feel free to dm me via discord or tumblr, but absolutely not via the server, I have it muted. I will not be answering asks, either.

State that you came from my pinned post.

Oh and congrats if you came here from the haiku I posted. If not, welcome anyway.

_ _ _ _ _

30 November, 2024

Whoever is reading this, I'm ok (like hell I am), but I'm not gonna be publicly active for a while, only here in this tiny space I've created for myself, other servers, and occasionally, youtube uploads. I do want to say, that was fucking stupid of me, I'm truly sorry, but I'm too much of a coward to say it to everyone's face. I ruin every friendship I'm in, irl and online. I should shut up sometimes.

---

Hey, this is after writing that haiku and dropping all those hints and changes, god damn I want to talk to those two, but I'm just making it more difficult, aren't I? Fucking hell. Well, I'll just see if they could solve it.

Also, crazy thought, is this what it feels like to have a sibling? Or is this how some friendships go? Does a friendship have a phase where you don't talk to each other for extended periods of time?

---

I wonder if there is a character limit to posts.

...I'm trying to distract myself. I miss them so much. I... I'm looking at the 2ECONDS TO STARLIVHT app on my phone, what could have been if I... shut up.

I want to cry

No, stop it, you're a boy. Boys don't cry.

_ _ _ _ _

1 December, 2024

I'm tired. It's nighttime, I'm studying for tomorrow's finals, and I'm tired. Still kinda feel like shit tbh.

Just a nap...? No... there is no time...

Time... when...? When will I... fucking coward.

_ _ _ _ _

2 December 2024

I'll try to come back next week, after finals. Might still be busy with one (hopefully it stays at one) remedial and a project I took on for the school's Chinese New Year's event.

What happens when I come back...? Does she hate me? Should I come back? What if I say the wrong things again...?

---

Would this kill me?

_ _ _ _ _

3 December 2024

I feel kind of lonely... but it does help with studying. Today (and right now) I actually got myself to start writing down notes, so far I'm three pages in, and it only took me like 30 minutes.

_ _ _ _ _

4 December 2024

I... got 90 for PKn and 98 on Geography...

I don't know how to feel, to be honest.

To be so close to perfection, yet...

Only one mistake in the multiple choices for Geography.

Also discovered that I got a 45 on Math. I'm slow, I know. Only got a few questions done before the time ran out ._.

Hopefully that'll be my only remedial. Tomorrow I have Chemistry and English, along with Scouts for whatever reason. They just announced that suddenly smh

_ _ _ _ _

5 December 2024

All of 10th grade worked together on scouts exam (clearly not allowed), pretty sure everyone failed anyway. Scouts is a bitch.

So uh, the PKN/Geography teacher decided to deduct like, 8 points from our grades ._.

Yeah I got roped into it as well... He did say that there might be other point additions/deductions. We'll see tomorrow.

Now, the only reason I'm talking about this is because I think we weren't completely in the wrong. You see, they suddenly announced the scouts exam, and not a single bit of materials were given out. We didn't know anything. They didn't teach us anything, either. It's like they were just setting all of 10th (and maybe 11th) grade up for failure.

Oh btw that point deduction made the passing rate (for PKN) drop from ~96% to only about 30%.

_ _ _ _ _

6 December 2024

Last exam done. Update on PKN and Geography: The point deduction thing was a joke and we didn't actually do that well, the teacher put a random big number to troll everyone on the first two days (I still BARELY passed PKN with a 71, Geography score should be out soon).

---

I got a 90 on Geography :3

Highest score in 10th grade (tied with someone smh).

[nikolai-alexi]

“Animal”

Tags: modern uni au, secret musician James, late night radio host Regulus, James keeps sneaking into a recording booth when he thinks Regulus is gone for the night, regulus thinks he’s lost the plot until he investigates

Regulus is pretty sure he’s going crazy. Well — no, he’s already pretty sure he’s gone crazy, but now he thinks he might be haunted.

He typically gets off work around three in the morning these days; he’s been running the university’s nighttime radio station for the last few months and he really does enjoy it. It’s a perfect gig for an insomniac business student who hates his major and wishes he could change to musical theory but has no choice in the matter.

However, the last two weeks have been testing his patience. Every single morning when he’s closing up the studio, the light in one of the back recording rooms is on. Which wouldn’t be an issue, if he didn’t know for fact that he turned it off. So when he sees it back on again, he growls under his breath and works his way back through the shelves of records and CDs and radio equipment to deal with it once and for all.

His key slides into the lock and he twists the knob, only to open the door and see someone inside. Someone who is not only very much alive and not a ghost, but someone who is also unfortunately very, very familiar to him.

Lo and fucking behold, James Potter is standing with his back to Regulus in the doorway, clunky headphones over his ears, soundboard in front of him on the table, mic by his mouth, and a bring red electric guitar slung over his shoulders.

He has no idea how the hell James managed to get in here, and he knows he should kick him out, but his curiosity is boiling in his veins. He absolutely has to hear this. His brain refuses to accept that James bleeding Potter has any other talents than being an annoying prick that steals people’s brothers.

Regulus can hear James humming a melody he doesn’t know under his breath as he sets up, occasionally picking at his guitar strings, but not plugging it into the amp yet. He checks his watch for some unknown reason, then whatever he sees seems to spur him into actually plugging everything in. Regulus ducks out of the door and goes into the soundbooth where he might be able to hide a bit better. He flips the sound share switch and raises the volume inside the booth so he can hear what James is doing.

Finally, James hits the recording button and starts.

He starts with the melody from earlier. B F# E G#m and F# chords are looped with the soundboard. Then a soft beat gets laid down behind it. There’s a beat up notebook laying open beside the soundboard that James peers at while the simple loop plays in his headphones and inside the booth. He has to admit, he’s already somewhat impressed. He wouldn’t have expected James to get even this far around a sound board. The melody is quite catchy so far as well.

He watches as James steps to the mic and waits for the loop to start again. He’s wholly unprepared for the slightly raspy, sweet voice that comes out of his mouth.

“It’s an empty shell I’m livin’ in,

The doors are always closed,”

The riff he does on the word “closed” makes Regulus smile a bit, it’s not overly showy, it doesn’t quite feel like a “James Potter” type of thing. He’s strumming the same chords softly over the looped ones, but using them as singles. Regulus likes the effect they make. It almost sounds retro-ish, tinny in a way.

“And I spend my weeks,

Losin’ my head, restin’ my bones,

And they say that nothin’s given,

So I guess I’ll get nothin’ at all,”

The lyrics make no sense to him coming from James Potter. He should be talking about how great his life is, or how he “rescued” his best friend from his shit one, or something of the sort. Regulus doesn’t understand where these lyrics are coming from.

“And I’ll accept defeat,

Cause you can’t swing,

When the fight’s lost,”

A matching riff on “spend” and “accept” and Regulus likes the choice he makes there. The beat he laid down earlier comes in, and the music is deceptively upbeat for the lyrics so far.

“You know,

Can’t see the grass getting greener, cause

out here ain’t nothin’ but blue, and your eyes

Blood red, the high helps a little, but

Everyone you meet’s just passin’ through,

White lies take all of the colour from you,

Most nights you don’t sleep at all,

And you black out blind and hide,

Is there any wonder no one ever really tries to call?”

Regulus hates to admit it, but he’s a bit awestruck with the way James’ lyrics flow. The use of colour analogies in reference to, what Regulus assumes, emotional states and reactions. The lyrics and backing music are so diametrically opposed, it almost makes no sense, but it feels like the song is almost speaking separately from James singing it. Like it’s almost mocking the happy person singing it with its helplessness.

“And you say,

Ooo, sometimes I feel like an animal,

Ooo, I climb so high,

Just to feel the fall,

And let it go,

So,

Look me in the eyes,

Am I someone else?

Ooo, sometimes I feel like an animal, an animal, an animal,”

And that strikes a visceral pang deep in Regulus’s chest. How often has he felt the same way? Licking his wounds from behind the bars of his gilded cage, feeling like he has no more bodily autonomy than that of a pet. He wonders why James knows that same feeling.

The beat phases out with a push of a button on the soundboard. James is back to strumming single chords like he did in the beginning, and the second verse rolls off James’ tongue.

“And I always have a vision,

But I always let it go,

And then I feel too weak,

And it’s too much,

And it’s too close,”

The beat comes back again, but this time James adds some snare into it. He’s bobbing along with the beat with his entire upper body, bending over his guitar. The loop petal gets pressed and he’s back on his guitar as the pre-chorus rolls in again.

“Can’t see the grass getting greener, cause,

Out here ain’t nothin’ but blue, and your eyes,

Blood red, the high helps a little,

But everyone you meet’s just passin’ through,

White lies take all of the colour from you,

Most nights you don’t sleep at all,

And you black out blind and hide,

Is there any wonder no one really tries to call?

And you say,”

Regulus finds himself nodding along with it, humming the melody under his breath as he goes into the chorus. James is somehow dancing around the booth, still strumming, still singing, and managing not to trip over the cords on the ground. Regulus can’t help but grin at the silliness of it all.

“Ooo, sometimes I feel like an animal,

I climb so high,

Just to feel the fall,

And let it go,

So look me in the eye,

Am I someone else?

Ooo, sometimes I feel like an animal, an animal, an animal,”

This time when he goes into the pre-chorus, the beat and melody stays, but he brings the volume down on it, and slows it down to the same tempo and cadence of the first and second verses. Regulus can feel that this one means more to the song, like the first two allowed the listener to get caught up in the upbeat vibes, but now they had to come back to Earth and hear what he was saying.

“Can’t see the grass getting greener, cause,

Out here ain’t nothin’ but blue, and your eyes,

Blood red, the high helps a little,

But everyone you meet’s just passin’ through,”

There’s a up stress on “meet” in this one, and it pulls at the raspiness in James’ voice. Makes it sound raw and exposed, despite being in the studio. Regulus refuses to acknowledge the gooseflesh rising on his arms at it.

James cuts the beat entirely, holding his guitar and getting closer to the mic guard. He strums slowly and quietly, letting his voice hold the remnants of the melody. It’s soft and slow and quiet.

“You say,

Ooo sometimes I feel like an animal,

Ooo I climb so high,

Just to feel the fall,

And let it go,”

James builds the beat back up with a slow slide of a leveller, then let’s it cascade back in.

“So, look me in the eyes,

Am I someone else?

Ooo sometimes I feel like an animal,

An animal, an animal,”

James plays the recording back, listening intently to it, before nodding and beginning to pack his stuff up. Regulus makes like a bandit and rushing out, barely remembering to lock the door to the building behind him. He wants to stick around to see where the hell James is managing to get in from, but he doesn’t want to get caught snooping around business that is decidedly not his own.

As he’s walking back to his dorm, he realises he’s humming James’ song under his breath. The lyrics leave his lips in little puffs of white air in the cold night. He knows that song is going to be stuck in his head for at least a week. He wishes he could play it on the station on his next shift. He’d probably indulge himself and play it a few times.

He thinks nothing of the scene he’d witnessed the night before during his classes, spares no thought of being caught in his observation, convinced he’d been quiet and quick enough to avoid detection. But when he sits down at his station, ready to start his 11pm broadcast, a redbull, blueberry muffin — his go to snack for work from the student centre — and a flashdrive with a note sits on his desktop. The handwriting is sloppy, but undeniably familiar from the letters Regulus had seen sent to his house over the years before Sirius left.

Regulus, it reads.

Seemed like you enjoyed this one last night. You can play it if you want, Track 4 is the one, just don’t mention it’s me who made it, if you don’t mind. There’s a couple others on there if you’re curious. Come out of the booth next time.

- JFP

P.S. text Sirius back, would you? He’s driving us all mad with all his whinging about you hating him again.

Regulus can’t help but laugh at the post script. He wasn’t aware that his brother’s friends were even aware of his existence, let alone his reemergence into Sirius’ life now that his parents aren’t aware of his every moment and breath. Nevertheless, he shoots a quick text off to his drama queen of a brother before he sets up to air.

As the “LIVE” light flicks on, his radio persona slips over him like a second skin, “Good evening, everyone,” he says quietly into the mic, “Welcome to Hogwarts University’s late night radio channel. My name is Leo and I’ll be your host for the night. Whether you’re headed to bed, up late studying, or trying to avoid the inevitable doom of exams coming up by starring into the void, we’ll have something for you.”

He can pretty much see Evan and Barty rolling their eyes at him from their dorm room, both of them some of his daily listeners along with the rest of their friend group, but he thinks he’s clever. At least he finds himself funny.

“I’ve got a bit of a treat for you all tonight. A new indie artist on the block to get us started, this is “Animal” by The Deerest Marauder. You’ll have to let me know if you like it as much as I do. As always, leave your feedback, song requests, and late night brain rot on the Instagram at HULateNight_Leo,”

It had taken him a bit to come up with a clever artist name for James. JFP was too obvious, Prongs was a dead giveaway seeing as Sirius wouldn’t know what an inside voice was if it hit him in the face and the entire campus knows James’ nickname. Regulus remembers Sirius calling their little band of chaos “the marauders” back in year ten. So from there, he’d come up with his own stupid pun. Again, at least he thinks he’s funny.

Flashdrive inserted into his laptop, Regulus clicks on Track 4, realising belatedly that he’d accidentally named James’ song for him, and presses play.

If he plays “Animal” and the other four tracks on the flashdrive several times throughout the night, and leaves the light on to the back recording booth before he leaves that night, it’s no one’s business but his own.