#because this time around while watching this movie i noticed in certain moments how live action was blended into like a cgi camera shot

[miesozernacma]

just rewatched the first venom.

loved the part where venom made out with eddie sloppy style

[kleine-joost]

Toro (Joost x Reader)

a/n: me posting fic 2 days in a row? who am i?

SYNOPSIS: Just a little fluff drabble that I thought of, enjoy xx

WC: 789

You sighed in pleasure in the afterglow. 

The sheen of sweat on your hot skin was quickly cooling you down, gaining a shiver that Joost couldn’t help but notice–even in his hazy state. On wobbly legs, he stood up and walked to the closet of the hotel room. You watched him, not quite sure what he was doing and barely able to move from the fatigue in your muscles and bones. He returned quickly, with the complimentary white, terry-cloth bathrobe and gently helped you sit up before placing it over your shoulders. It was a wordless exchange, you weren’t even sure if you could speak due to your hoarse throat from the neverending panting and groans that Joost had coaxed out of you that evening.

You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face as he laid back next to you on the bed and delved into the plush duvet and cold, well-laundered cotton sheets.

It still took you a moment to catch your breath and calm yourself, Joost the same. 

There was a certain…melancholy in the air of the room. This was your goodbye–at least for the next couple months. This was the worst part about your jobs, you were barely in the same place for longer than a week at most.

You’d been tentative to call what you and Joost had a relationship. You barely had the time together to do what couples normally did; the boring days, the movie marathons, grocery shopping together, it all was foreign to you. 

Though that didn’t mean you didn’t adore him any less. On the occasions your schedules would allow you both to be in the same city, it was like a wildfire. The passion of your interactions could put even the trashiest romance writers to shame, because you always made those moments count when you could.

You finally gained a little control back in your muscles, while Joost had returned to his splayed-out position on the bed beside you. You scampered to the bathroom to pee, still just in the white bathrobe.

It was times like these that you could pretend all this time with Joost wasn’t just some kind of long term fling, that it was real. Because real couples existed like this together, right? To be honest, you didn’t know.

When you returned Joost was looking through the hotel’s room service menu that had sat on the nightstand next to him.

“Hungry?” He asked, turning his attention from the sturdy cardboard booklet to your form slipping back under the covers.

You hummed in response, slithering closer to him until you were firmly wedged against his side and you could rest your head on his shoulder.

“I really want some lasagna, I think,” he mused.

“Sounds good,” you muttered, fatigue still holding an effect on your brain function. “Also I want some fries.”

Joost sat up, not before gently rolling your head off his shoulder and onto his pillow. The soft white cotton felt cool against your cheek. You watched him pick up the phone and dial for room service, ordering the lasagna and fries–as well as a bottle of red wine, with a wink towards you. 

In your darker moments, you wondered if he even liked you or if he was just using you for sex–which admittedly wouldn’t have been out of the realm of possibility with how your meetings usually went–but it was the little gestures that showed the romantic side of him that melted your heart and eased your worries. Like when he wouldn’t let go of your hand on the nights you’d walk back to wherever you were sleeping after a nice dinner at some trendy restaurant, the pictures he’d send you when he was travelling of things that reminded him of you and your little inside jokes, and what you loved most of all was his shy touches each time you’d meet up again, almost like he was nervous to be around you–no indication of just a fling.

You spent that night talking and laughing, and eating, drinking the much-too-sweet red wine, and you swore you could’ve lived in it forever. But you knew the morning would come, and you’d have to get on a plane to miles-away and you’d have to wait god knows how long until you and Joost would be reunited again.

You fell asleep in his arms with only a few hours before you’d have to be up again, and that night you dreamt of the life you both could have if only you had the time. You dreamt of warm dinner parties and vacations in the Mediterranean and supporting Joost through any troubles he might have. And your heart ached for the future that might never be.

[comicaurora]

Hey red, what's your opinion on some modern writing that's very lamp shady? And do you have any advice on how to avoid "Well that just happened" dialogue?

It's an interesting question!

The thing is, lampshading exists for a reason, but it's not the reason it gets used a lot of the time. Writers might lampshade a narrative choice they're insecure about, while characters lampshade because the things they go through in a typical story are kind of bonkers, and we might expect them to notice. If a character signs on for a simple mercenary expedition and ends up discovering they're the long-lost prince of a kingdom they've never heard of, that's weird and they probably feel weird about it. If an ally is determined to 1v1 their super overpowered nemesis with no help from their friends, those friends might have opinions about how dumb that is.

This is a form of lampshading that doesn't break immersion because it's entirely in-character and doesn't lean on the fourth wall. There's a difference between a character noticing how weird their life is and a character pointing out how cliched a recent experience was. In the latter case, the character is treating their life like a story, and while it IS a story, they shouldn't know that.

There's a spectrum here, with "complete sincerity and taking every turn of the plot at face value" defining the 0-point and "complete self-aware uninvestment" at the far end, but healthy levels of lampshading live somewhere in the middle. Characters at the 0-point accepting everything that happens without question can feel just as weird as characters that won't stop pointing out the TVTropes entry they're currently living. It's about what it makes sense for the character to find disruptive or noteworthy. A hardened badass probably won't see the need to point out how bonkers a recent fight scene was, but a newcomer to the Cool Bombastic Adventure scene might be really excited when they pull off a cool special move and want to point it out.

I think this is why the recent D&D movie worked for a lot of people, because while the main characters all lampshade their lives to varying degrees, the way they do so makes sense for all of them. Edgin is a bard and storyteller so he has a slightly meta perspective on a lot of things, purposefully avoids playing along with certain narrative conventions and sometimes responds to other people's dialogue by critiquing their dialogue instead of just responding normally; Holga doesn't really care to understand how the world works and so keeps pointing out that they should just use magic to solve their problems, which is probably the most popular lampshade in the whole genre; Doric and Simon don't get a ton of time to shine character-wise, but they'll both occasionally poke holes in the pretense of the story they're in. The thing that makes this all work is Xenk, who plays absolutely every moment completely 100% straight and is entirely immersed in the objectively ridiculous setting of D&D. Same goes for most of the villains, except for Forge, who's probably the wackiest and most self-aware character in the entire movie, but in a way that makes him feel callous and disregarding of the people around him, like he's uninvested in the world not because he knows he's a fictional character but because he has too much money and power to care about anything. The ways each character does or does not lampshade their surroundings make sense for who they are as people and reinforce their characterization and place in the world instead of undermining it.

I recently watched a couple episodes of Stargate Atlantis and noticed something similar - the main character and, to a lesser extent, the rest of his associates from Earth have a tendency to make wry observations about his objectively bizarre life and the eccentricities of the people around him, which helps contrast against the extremely serious and businesslike Cool Space Warriors they keep accumulating, which helps make them feel (a) distinct from each other and (b) relatable considering all the weird stuff that happens. And the protagonist switches off the quips as soon as things start looking perilous for his team, so you never get the impression that they aren't invested in the story they're living, and as a result the various quips and lampshades come across more as a habit or a coping mechanism than a disruption to the narrative itself.

So basically I think you can get away with a lot of lampshades as long as the character doesn't feel like they know they're in a story.

[fawnfictions]

Can I request general hcs for Wukong and Red Son crushing on a reader who uses a female reader?

little crushes

— wukong & red son x fem!reader

yessir, yesSIR !! apologies if red son is ooc, still not confident in writing his character <//3

;; romantic, no warnings.

WUKONG

- he is in DENIAL at first.

- he's found people attractive before, sure, but he's never had a crush on someone.

- doesn't know how to act, and may distance himself in an act of rash panic—he's scared of losing you as a friend, or getting too close and dealing with the loss of a mortal loved one.

- once he starts coming to terms with the fact that he likes you, he's scared.

- scared that getting too close to you will have you in danger of people that he regrets messing with, scared of eventually losing you and dealing with that pain, scared that you don't like him back.

- thankfully, he only really gets lost in these thoughts when he's alone.

- around you, he'll be a lot more touchy than he already is.

- loves wrapping an arm around your shoulders, or picking you up on his somersault cloud.

- if you're around when the Spider Queen attacks, or the Demon Bull King goes on a rampage, he's hauling your ass to safety.

- but when its more calm, and he has nothing else to do, theres a good chance that he'll drop by your house to freeload off of your snacks—definitely not because he desperately wants to spend more time with you.

- we all know that this monkey is LAZY, so he will be laying across your couch, packet of chips in hand, watching a movie based off his self, and living his best life while you're sitting there like,,, 'man? don't you have humanity-saving to do?'

- MK will absolutely notice how clingy his mentor is to you, and will not be ashamed to bring it up during one of his training lessons.

- Wukong will deny everything he says with an obvious blush across his face.

- but the young successor will try his best to play wingman, but he's not exactly subtle about it.

- cue him slyly walking up to you, like, "so, uh... what're your thoughts on Monkey King? brave, cool, handsome guy, right?"

- he will probably be the reason you two ever get to together, he'll accidentally end up confessing FOR Wukong.

- this monkey is so obvious, no one understands how you DON'T realise his crush on you.

- the way his face turns red when you wear a dress for a fancy occasion, or when he tells a joke and that harmonious laugh you have captures his heart.

- he will do ANYTHING to keep a smile on your face.

- unintentionally uses pet names on you, "hey, peaches—" "what did you call me?" "uh, n-nothing, nothing."

- if you let him, he'll love playing with your hair and styling it.

- human hair feels so different to monkey hair, it feels more fragile and delicate, soft and silky—plus, it smells nice.

- you get bonus points if your shampoo/conditioner is fruit scented, you'll catch him sniffing your hair and holding himself back from rubbing his face in it.

- please brush his hair, too, he'll fall more in love with you since its common for monkey's to show affection by picking through each others hair.

- he gets a little protective sometimes, as once certain demons realise his feelings for you, you'll become a target of kidnapping and being used as bait for their attempts at attacking the Monkey King.

- but, since you two haven't acknowledged your feelings for each other, you aren't as protected as you would be if you were his outright girlfriend.

- so enemies like the Spider Queen or the Lady Bone Demon, possibly even Macaque at one point, would definitely take their chances in taking you in their grasps to get a one-up on Wukong.

- and its probably during one of these moments, after he saves you, that he'll properly confess how he doesn't want to lose you because he loves you :))

RED SON

- this spicy boy—oh my goddd.

- immediately assumes he doesn't like you.

- thinks his crush on you is a feeling of annoyance, it will take him a while to realise its quite the opposite.

- since he thinks he 'hates' you, he'll spend a lot of time bickering back and forth with you, uselessly throwing insults around.

- its not until he doesn't see you for a while, whether its because he's busy with a project, or you've taken some sort of vacation, that he realises he misses his interactions with you, that he misses you.

- he'll be a lot nicer to you afterwards, which gives you a bit of whiplash.

- i feel like he'd be the type to buy you gifts and nice things, like he'd anonymously drop a pretty red dress off at your doorstep, or he'd give you a necklace claiming he just "happened to find it, and thought that it complimented your eyes".

- way to not be obvious, red boy.

- but he'd still playfully argue with you, he just wouldn't outright insult you as much.

- if you're friends with MK and go on his adventures with him, whenever Red Son goes to insult that group as a whole, he'll be like, "you guys are all insolent peasants... except you".

- i reckon he'd be reluctant to tell his parents about his feelings, and probably has a hard time on himself, thinking that he should've fallen in love with another demon, powerful enough to assist his family.

- but he forgets about those worries when he's around you <3

- when neither of you are busy, he just 'so happens to be in the same place as you, at the same time', an excuse he uses too many times for it to be a coincidence.

- you're out in the markets, just wandering around? he was in the middle of shopping there, himself!

- taking a stroll in the park? oh, he had just taken a step outside to clear his mind!

- at Pigsy's Noodles? he was on his way to conduct an 'evil plan' on Monkey King's successor!

- during the Spider Queen's attack, when the Demon Bull King was possessed by the Lady Bone Demon, he might come to you for comfort at first.

- definitely focuses on keeping you safe, though—no way in hell is he letting you be turned into a spider.

- you're definitely one of the very few people who help him with his temper.

- he doesn't lose it as quickly around you, instead, finding you rather calming, and often seeks you out when MK has gotten him particularly annoyed, or if his parents have upset him.

- will shy away from your physical touch, but deep down he does kind of crave it.

- is the type to blush if you brush hands walking past each other, or if your fingers touch when passing him an object.

- and my god—if anyone dared to flirt with you or look at you a little too non-platonically... he'd go off at them, yelling at them to respect a lady such as yourself, calling them a peasant for their advances on you, etc.

- and you're standing there like,, 'all he did was compliment my dress and wink at me'.

- if anything, you'll probably have to be the one to confess to him that you love him, but i can see him confessing his love after some pushing from other people ahem, MK, ahem...

- he'd act like it was a proposal, getting down on one knee or something <//3

- i said it before and i'll say it again, his love languages are gift giving and acts of service!!!

- expect plenty of gifts (probably more expensive ones, too), and inventions that will either, 1.) look really cool, or 2.) protect you in some way.

[avatar-anna]

The Final Show

this is the first of a few oneshots i'm doing of harry's final show(s). currently working on ones for professor and latina!y/n, but those will come later. enjoy!

Young Dad! Harry x Young Mom! Reader

"What are you doing over there?"

Y/n had been looking for her husband for the last fifteen minutes. Rehearsals were wrapped up a while ago, the sounds of fans waiting to enter the venue were echoing through certain hallways, and everyone had kind of scattered to their own corners before it was time to really start getting ready. Y/n had taken advantage of the downtime to put Natalia and Geneva down for a nap and feed her other children, and now that the twins were playing with their toys, and Simone and Collette were watching a movie with Jeff, she took it upon herself to look for Harry, who had quietly disappeared without anyone noticing.

She'd checked out all his usual hiding places—the kids' dressing room/playroom, craft services, his own dressing room—but he was nowhere to be found. Y/n wasn't even going to check the stage, but she'd heard noise coming from an open door and decided to follow it.

Harry was sitting by himself at a piano, playing a melody Y/n hadn't heard before. He didn't play the piano often, as he wasn't as confident in his ability to play as he was with the guitar. Even after all these years, he still got self-conscious playing in front of people, especially new material. Y/n knew he had no reason to be shy about playing any kind of instrument or showing off a new song, but she made her presence known to him before approaching anyway, giving her husband time to pause and collect himself.

"Just messing around," he said. Turning his head, Harry smiled, then opened his arms up toward her.

Y/n took the invitation and sat down in his lap, her arms immediately reaching around his neck to play with his hair. "You ready for tonight?" she asked, leaving the topic of the piano alone. For now. He'd open up to her eventually.

"Think so," Harry said. "I'm excited to come home and spend some real time with you and the kids, but..."

"I get it. It's okay to miss this," she told him, running the back of her knuckle against his cheekbone.

Their lives were so polarizing at times, and Y/n understood his mixed emotions about the end of the tour better than anybody. She knew how much Harry loved performing and traveling and creating such unique memories with his band and crew and fans, especially the fans. But he loved his family too, and while it was nice to have the kids on tour, it was a completely different thing to be a proper parent at home, and Y/n would be lying if she said she wasn't looking forward to being a semi-normal family again.

"It's gonna be an emotional night, that's for sure," Harry concluded, leaning forward to kiss Y/n's cheek. "Got lots of fun stuff planned."

"I can't wait."

And, just because they were alone and she could, Y/n leaned in, hand tightening in the back of his hair as her mouth slid over his.

The kiss was long and slow, languid and easy, so unlike the hurried pecks they gave each other when they were running around doing a million different things. It made Y/n melt against Harry's chest, had him gripping her hips a little tighter.

"I'm gonna miss it too, you know," Y/n said, mumbling the words against the scruff on his jaw.

"Are you?" Harry asked, half teasing, half serious.

Y/n took her time answering, kissing his neck and around his ear first before going back to take his bottom lip between her teeth. "Of course. You know I love watching you perform. And I love traveling and showing the kids all sorts of things. And I love your post-performance adrenaline rush."

Harry chuckled and tucked a strand of hair behind Y/n's ear. "Oh. So that's what you're going to miss."

"Among other things," she said with a playful shrug.

One thing Y/n could count on was the last of Harry's energy being spent totally on her. Whether it was the moment he stepped offstage and he dragged her into his dressing room for a quickie, or late at night once all six of their children were asleep, he always worked himself up enough during his shows that he had to dispel his adrenaline somehow, and that was usually with his wife. And after hours of being a mom and changing diapers and putting a stop to fights and making sure everyone ate their veggies and no one had strayed too far away, she loved being the center of Harry's attention. When he had a good show, she had a good night, when he had an excellent show...well, Y/n was usually left feeling like she'd been the one performing for hours.

Pulling her impossibly closer, he said, "I'll just have to find another way to satisfy you, then."

"You always do."

When they kissed again, Y/n's heart fluttered in her chest, excitement from a multitude of things putting her in a good mood. And she could tell Harry felt the same, his hands eagerly gripping what they could, just stopping short of reaching beneath her clothes.

"I think I'm gonna play something special tonight," he muttered against her lips after a few minutes passed.

Y/n nearly grinned at how well she knew her husband. She managed to contain it and pull back just enough to say, "Oh?"

Harry shrugged and tried to be casual, but his words were anything but. "I've had this melody playing in the back of my mind all day."

"You should play it then. I think everyone will love it," Y/n said, pushing a stray curl out of his eyes.

The corners of Harry's mouth curved up, dimples indenting his cheeks. "I think tonight is gonna be one for the history books."

Y/n smiled at him endearingly as she couldn't help but agree.

*.*

"I have people here tonight who have supported me in so many ways over the past thirteen years in which you can only imagine. I would not be on this stage without them and their love and support," Harry said into the mic.

For a moment, his eyes darted to the side of the stage where Y/n was holding a sleeping baby in her arms. Simone was standing next to her and cheering, with Collette on Simone's other side and waving at Harry with a big grin. The twins were on Y/n's other side, and GiGi was standing tiredly on her feet, a large set of noise-cancelling headphones on her head. One little hand was gripping Y/n's finger, though by the quick look Harry took, she was not a happy camper.

She wants you, Y/n mouthed with a shrug. Harry's heart squeezed for a moment, then quickly blew Geneva a kiss before continuing his speech.

The concert continued on, and Harry performed his heart out. Y/n watched from the side of the stage with Natalia in her arms, occasionally spinning Jules and Maeve around or dancing with Simone and Collette. It was technically past their bedtime, but Y/n decided that tonight was a special occasion. They would be home soon and back to their normal schedule anyway. What was one night of fun?

Harry kept looking over to where she and the kids were, and each time she gave him a thumbs up or blew him a kiss while the twins, Simone, and Collette waved at him excitedly and shouted, "Daddy!" GiGi was still in a bit of a mood, not quite understanding why she couldn't go to Harry when he was so close, but then again, she was turning out to be a bit of a daddy's girl, so Y/n wasn't all that surprised.

There was one point toward the end of the show where Harry became so overcome with emotions that he sank to his knees. Y/n didn't have to be a mind reader to know what was going through his head. It had been a very emotional few years, more than any of his fans would be able to understand. They'd gone through a lot—as parents and as partners—but everything they'd endured and sacrificed and experienced had led right to this moment. Y/n knew that this tour itself contained some of the happiest moments of Harry's life simply because of the environment and the energy created by his fans, but she also knew that having his family close by for a majority of it, and knowing that they were on the other side of a lot of the obstacles they'd previously been facing, played a part in that joy too.

A strong wave of emotion took over Y/n then too, making her throat go tight and her eyes well with tears. No one in the crowd except a select few would truly understand exactly what Harry meant when he talked about family and support. He truly would not be the same person he was today if it weren't for the seven people off to the side of the stage. Just a couple years ago, their lives were so different, there were so many unknowns, but right now, everything seemed to be perfect, and Y/n understood Harry more than anyone when he expressed that he wasn't quite ready to let it all go.

Caught up in her own emotions, Y/n noticed too late that Geneva had slipped her hand out of Y/n's. Before she could even utter a word, the two year old was running straight for Harry, who was still kneeling onstage with his hands covering his face.

For a moment, Y/n's heart stopped. This wasn't how this was meant to happen. It wasn't supposed to happen at all. Harry, Y/n, and Harry's team had been so careful about keeping their children's identity safe, out of the public eye. Things were slowly starting to change with Y/n going with Harry to the Grammys, and the documentary that was set to release a few months after Love on Tour ended would definitely bring their family out into the public. But those were all carefully selected events. GiGi running out onstage while one hundred thousand people, and possibly more, were watching was not part of the plan.

Y/n watched the scene unfold before her with slight terror and a boatload of anxiety swelling in her chest. She wasn't sure if Harry was too lost in his own head to notice his daughter run up to him or if she'd start crying as the screams from the crowd increased tenfold.

Thankfully, Harry's reaction was immediate. He looked surprised, like he couldn't quite believe Geneva was suddenly next to him onstage at his show. One look at Y/n's face seemed to tell him everything, though, and his smile was surprisingly relaxed for someone whose daughter the world didn't know about just ran out onstage.

*.*

"Hi, peanut. What are you doing out here, huh?" Harry asked, kissing Geneva's forehead gently, keeping his voice soft as he spoke to her. He was sort of freaking out on the inside, but he tried not to show it, seeing as Y/n was already visibly worried about the situation at hand.

"Home, Daddy," she said, her chubby baby cheeks making her pout all the more adorable.

"You ready for bed, my love?"

GiGi nodded, then promptly rested her head against his chest, making it clear she didn't want to be anywhere else at the moment. And part of Harry didn't want to hand her off to anyone else. He loved it when any of his kids came to him for comfort. It made him feel so fulfilled when all any of them wanted was a cuddle from Dad.

But at the same time, he still had a show to put on. In a split second, an idea formed in Harry's head, and all it took was one look to his band for them to catch his meaning. They started to play a melody, an early transition into the next song while he took care of Geneva.

As he stood up, Harry was careful to turn his back to the crowd so that as little of his daughter's face was shown to the crowd as possible. He trusted the camera team to focus themselves anywhere else but him right now, but that didn't account for the thousands of phones most likely pointed in his and Geneva's direction; though, as he paid a little more attention, he realized that the crowd was quiet, like they could tell that the baby in his arms was trying to sleep and didn't want to disturb her.

That thought brought a smile to Harry's face as he stepped offstage where Y/n was trying to position Natalia so she could hold GiGi too. When he reached her, Harry rested a hand on her shoulder and kissed her cheek. "Relax, Mama. I've got her."

"I'm so sorry, H. She took off so fast, and I—"

"It's okay. I promise," Harry said. "She asleep yet?"

Y/n looked at where Geneva's cheek squished against her dad's chest. "Getting there."

"Five minutes, then," Harry said simply, trying to relax Y/n, who still looked terrified. Leaning in, he murmured so that only she could hear. "It's okay, Mama. We'll figure it out after. Let's just enjoy tonight, yeah? Think of the post-performance adrenaline, hm?"

That got Y/n to smile and nod slightly. He waited until the tension in her shoulders eased, then looked at the rest of his family, who also looked a little surprised that Geneva ran onstage in the middle of the show. Julian was the first to recover his shock and launched himself at Harry, which caused Maeve to jump up and down around him.

"Did you see us, Daddy? We were dancing to your song!"

"I did, JuJu. You were so good!"

"What about me, Daddy?"

"Can I go onstage too?"

"I want to play music with Pauli!"

Harry sighed, knowing they couldn't go out onstage. He could only imagine how fun—and chaotic—that would be, but it was still important that his little family stayed safe and unknown to the public.

"You know what, Maevie? I think we should let Pauli focus on the show, but maybe you can play music with him tomorrow," Y/n said gently, running a finger along Maeve's cheek.

It was clear Maeve didn't love that idea, and Harry was worried that she was going to pitch a fit or start crying, but Simone walked over to her sister. "We can play band right here, Maevie. You can be Pauli, and JuJu can be Uncle Mitch and Collette can be Auntie Sarah and play the drums."

Harry couldn't have loved his oldest daughter more than he did right then. She was always so good with her brother and sisters, even though they were a lot younger than her. He gave Y/n a look, who had passed Natalia off to Glenne, who had shown up with Jeff backstage after the whole toddler-running-onstage incident. Y/n smiled and reached for Geneva again, but not before giving him a kiss on the cheek and a squeeze to the hand.

"Go. Your fans are waiting for you."

Harry passed Geneva to Y/n, almost a little reluctantly, even though he knew he had to get back out there, that the five minutes he allowed himself were almost up. Almost like she could see the hesitancy on his face, Y/n leaned in one more time. "Go, baby. That post-performance adrenaline isn't going to make itself, and I want to celebrate tonight."

That was enough for him to finally hand over Geneva. Grinning, he kissed Y/n, then kissed the heads of each of his kids. Harry shook his head and his hands, trying to get back into his performance headspace, trying to forget about the fact that his daughter just revealed herself to the public. All of that could be dealt with after the show. Right now, there was a crowd waiting for him to give them the finale they deserved, and Harry would be damned if he didn't give it to them.

[i9messi]

Joao Felix comforting the reader on her period, I know some people are uncomfortable with this topic so don't feel pressured to write about it. PS love your writings!

(thank you for requesting!)

Sweet company — João Félix

Word count — 752

joaõ's masterlist

It wasn’t a good day, your period had come and you hated it. You didn’t want to move around your house, so you lay down on the couch in the living room, trying to spend your time and forget for a moment what was happening to your body. Your stomach was hungrier than usual and you felt certain stabbing pains in the lower part of your belly.

You heard sounds, someone opening your house door. You quickly saw that your boyfriend came from training, with a smile on his face that vanished when your eyes met. You felt bad and João noticed right away.

"What happened?"

"I don’t feel very well today, João." you explained the rest of the situation and he didn’t hesitate to come to you and lie down on the couch next to you.

"I’m here now, carinho." you rest your head on his chest, hearing the soft thrum of his heartbeat. It was a warm embrace that brought only peace. "Not that I think cuddling will fix everything, but I’m sure it can’t make things worse, you know?"

You smiled at him, as he stroked your back. Your boyfriend left kisses across your face, paying special attention to your lips.

"I’m never more at peace than I am in your arms." you admitted.

"I’m glad I helped with something, I just want you to feel better and I hate myself because I can’t."

"You are doing a lot, actually. I could stay in your arms all day."

"You should, we should. There’s nothing else I’d rather do than spend the whole day hugging you."

João wasn’t just your boyfriend, he was also your friend and confidant. You had all your trust in him and he'd never let you down. Every time you felt bad he was there to try to help you, you had the kind of relationship in which both of you tried to lean on each other. He firmly fulfilled his promise and you lay on the couch, hugged, for a long time. You talked about a lot of different topics, totally serious topics about your future plans, to even stupid and silly topics.

"Please don’t ask me if I’d still love you if you turned into a zombie." he joked and you raised an eyebrow.

"You’d still love me if I turned into a zombie?"

"Of course. But you know, I’d have to be careful because you’re not gonna want to kiss me, you’re gonna want to bite me. Maybe I should let you bite me, so I can also become a zombie and we’ll be two zombies in love against the humans."

You looked at your boyfriend and left a kiss on his lips. "How’d I get so lucky to have you?"

"I’m the lucky one here, you’re my girlfriend." João rubbed his nose against you, and he softly smiled at you. "How about I make us something to eat and we go watch a movie marathon?"

João got up and you told him you were going to help him, but before you could move, he told you to stay in the coach.

"No, stay there. Don’t you even think of lifting a finger today. I’ll take care of everything, querida."

Your body was still aching, so you let him quietly cook. You covered yourself with the blanket you had brought, and while your dedicated boyfriend was doing something so you could eat while watching the movie, you looked for what you could watch. João came back a while later, with a bowl of popcorn and lots of chocolates and sweets. They were too many.

"Should we watch Barbie movies?" You proposed and he nodded.

While you were watching the movie, you wrapped yourself around his torso. An intimate moment where time slowed down. His hold was strong and reassuring. His mouth came to your face and he left a kiss on the tip of your nose, another on your forehead and one on each cheek.

"Babe, you should watch the movie."

"You’re so pretty... I could look at you for hours."

"João, stop being cute."

You were so in love with him, your heart was beating for him.

"Eu te amo"

"I love you too, João."

You let him keep seeing you, still hugging his body and hearing his heart beating. Once you moved to go to the bathroom and when you did, he asked you if you were okay. You spent the whole afternoon lying down, with João telling you he loved you.

[inlovewithgreta]

Afterparty — Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Synopsis: Both you and Wanda escape a lively party to have one of your own.

Warnings: Praise, cunnilingus, etc…

Word Count: 1.3k

© Do not copy, repost, or modify any of my works.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The streets of New York were bustling with celebrations as your team once again saved the city from yet another catastrophic event.

Fireworks were booming, music was playing, and people of all ages were running along the streets surrounding Stark Tower. It was like something out of a movie.

You were all out on the balcony, admiring the celebration happening just because of you and your team, and were having fun watching an already drunk Tony try to get everyone to take another round of shots.

You were almost too caught up in the scene around you to notice that a certain red-haired 'friend' of yours had walked away from the group to head back inside.

You and Wanda have been having 'relations' for a while now but never put a name to it, as you were waiting for her to be fully comfortable with you, knowing she was beyond scared of losing another person she cared for.

It had been a bit since you last talked to her but you knew she wasn't a people person. Wanda was never a fan of large crowds and loud situations.

"Wanda!" You call out to her over the noise, stopping her in her tracks. "Where are you going?"

"It's getting a bit rowdy out here. . ."

"Want me to join you inside? We can hang out. Just the two of us. It's quiet in my room, and I know how much you like the peacefulness." You offer her with a smile. "And I know how much you like me too." You bring your hand to her own, playing with her fingers.

"If you wanted me in your room so bad, all you had to do was ask." She playfully rolls her eyes, returning a smile, and fully taking your hand in her own.

"I know, but you know you love it when I say cute little things to you."

She chuckles in response, knowing it was true.

You lead her back into the building and down the long corridors until you reach your bedroom, opening the door and allowing her to enter first.

The fireworks outside were nearly inaudible, all that was left was just a quiet vibration through the walls around you.

"Better?" You ask her as you lean on the closed door behind you.

"A bit. . ."

"Good, that's exactly what I wanted to hear."

"You know what would make this even better though?" She glides a finger along the edge of your mattress.

"What's that?"

"If you would come over here and we put this bed to good use." She makes eye contact with you as she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.

"If you wanted to fuck me so bad, all you had to do was ask." You imitate her line from earlier, unable to hide your smile as your body presses against her own, and interlocking your fingers with hers.

You lean in as if to kiss her lips but quickly dip to her jaw, peppering slow kisses along her jawline and across her cheek until you finally work your way to her rose-colored lips.

Pure happiness was bubbling inside the two of you as she cupped your cheek as your lips met in unison in a sweet kiss.

"I never want to let go of you, Y/N." She admits, pressing her forehead against yours. "You're the only one that ever makes me feel special like I'm not just some monster with my powers."

"You will never be a monster in my eyes, Wanda. I'm here for you. . . always." You touch her cheek gently, brushing your lips against hers. At that moment, it was like lighting a match from a flame.

You tug at each other's clothes, fingers clumsily taking each particle of clothing off until you're both naked.

In one swift movement, Wanda pulls you onto the bed, hastily climbing over you and straddling your waist. Her soft skin pressed heavily against you as her mouth crashed into yours.

She sends wet kisses along your jawline, desperately wanting to kiss every inch of you. Wanda slowly makes her way down your body, making sure to spend time on your breasts, then nipping at your hips, and teasing you by skipping where you wanted her most to kiss down your legs.

"You're such a tease."

"You know you love it." She places a tender kiss on your calf before spreading your legs and deliberately kissing back up to your inner thighs.

"Be mine, Y/N." She hesitates just as she hovers between your legs.

"You have me. All of me."

Her cold breath ghosts over your core, making you shudder before she brushes the tip of her tongue over your sensitive clit.

She licks teasing lines between your legs before swirling her tongue deep. You clutch the back of her head, desperate for more. She elicits a drawn-out moan from you as she alternated between flicking at sucking at your cunt.

This time, Wanda wasn't as tentative and gentle as she usually was, as she didn't hesitate to devour you. Her hands wandered your body mercilessly, teasing and playing at every limb, making you desperate for more.

She reaches a hand up to cup your breast, squeezing it before pinching your nipple between her fingers. Chills ran down your spine at the pleasure.

You couldn't help the clutch you had on her, pulling her head as close as you possibly could. You moved stray hairs out of her face and tucked them behind her ears.

Without thinking, and with a desperate whine from you, Wanda pulls herself on top of you, lips passionately meeting yours. Every inch of her body was heavily pressed against yours.

She pulled your bottom lip between her teeth before swiping her tongue along your own, deepening the kiss. One of your hands joins hers, interlacing your fingers together as your other hand traced down her side to land on her hips.

You helped guide her hips, grinding your needy cunts together while squeezing your hand. Moans of ecstasy couldn't help but escape either of you. Your nails dug into her flesh, creating crescent moon marks along her porcelain skin.

Both of you were panting messes, moans escaping here and there, and you were glad nobody else was inside as neither of you were being quiet and discreet during your activity.

Wanda's breasts pressed heavily against yours as she used her mouth to attach to your neck, nipping and sucking at your sensitive skin below your ear, ensuring to leave a prominent mark for her to enjoy seeing later.

She had never been this feral before, and part of you was proud that only you could see this side of her compared to her usual quiet self.

Nobody had this effect on her, except you.

The increasingly frantic mess of Wanda's hips let you know that she was just as close as you were. Both of you quickly spiral out of control.

You had both held onto each other's hand for dear life as you both became undone at the same time, both moaning each other's name.

Her forehead pressed against yours as she rode out her high before bringing her movements to a steady halt. You felt her wetness along your flesh as you both sat there catching your breath.

"You're perfect, Wanda Maximoff." You remove your hand from her hip to squeeze her cheeks, pulling her into a sweet kiss.

Heat rose to her cheeks after you broke the kiss and the two of you couldn't help but smile at each other.

It was unsure how long the two of you lay there in each other's arms until a hasty knock on your door pulled you two out of your bubble and back to reality as you had to quickly clean yourselves up and make yourselves look presentable again before an impatient Thor broke down the door.

[cuntycassandra]

Okay so I fucked up with the original post as it wouldn’t let me edit it from drafts after putting a video in there, so I had to start from scratch. So this was the ask, thank you @practically-an-x-man !

Oh wow this is quite a lot to get through! Alrighty let's get going.

Alexander Summers:

First impression:

l'm just going to talk about movie Alex, because I have other thoughts on comic Alex. I knew Lucas Till from other things like Hannah Montana and the YBWM music video, and also because after the drama with Ezra Miller everyone wanted LT to play the new movie flash, so I remember recognising this face when I first watched FC and thinking "oh yeah he's cute", and I liked his whole broody demeanour, but like, that was it. He became an honorary fave just because I knew he was around the mansion when Peter would've been young, so he was in a lot of the 'Cherik raise Peter' fics.

Impression now:

Jamie will tell you that I always develop a love for the more 'obscure’ characters in media, the smaller amount of screen time, the more likely I am to become obsessed. And so when I went back to rewatch the movies I was just pulled in when it came to Alex. I thought he was so interesting with soooo much potential, his dark but almost juvenile demeanour was like a hook, and I loooove his relationship with Charles. It's also amazing to get to experience a movie you love with a new found appreciation for a certain character because you notice so many new things. Every acting choice LT made for this role l've picked up on now, not to sound dramatic but every little detail helps fuel how I see Alex as a character/person, which is someone with so much complexity and depth.

Favourite moment:

Pretty much all of his scenes in Apocalypse, except his death. Even though I prefer FC, I love seeing how much he's grown and how much he's improved just in general. It's so lovely. But also this one specific deleted scene from FC that gives me all the feels,

Idea for a story:

I have a lot of ideas for Alex in the works, they're mainly on hold just because I went to uni this past September so l've been taking a fanfiction writing/reading break. My current main fic that l'm working on (that Jamie will be happy about), is Alex meeting and bonding with six/seven year old Scott after Vietnam. You'll know because you've read my fic but I picture Alex's relationship to be very strained with his parents, but he's making an effort because he's like, 89% sure Scott's going to be a mutant and he doesn't want him to have to deal with the same reactions he got all by himself.

I also have ideas around an OC of mine but I don't tend to talk about my OCs very much.

Unpopular opinion:

Hmm. The Alex fandom is very small so I don't think there are many 'unpopular' opinions. If we circle back to comic Alex, l'm not really a big fan of any of his romantic relationships. I like the characters respectively, I just don't tend to like them together.

Also I just prefer Alex to Scott, which isn't unpopular but it'll piss Jamie juice off :)

Favourite relationship:

Love love love looooove his platonic mentor-student relationship with Charles.

Favourite Headcanon:

Love the idea of Alex picking up on Charles’ British slang while living at the mansion between FC and DoFP. He wouldn’t say them in a British accent, but he’d say things like jacket potato, not baked potato (the second chapter of that fic will be dropping soon), and football instead of soccer, and I feel like Charles would really appreciate it because it would be something Raven used to do. Although I see her doing it in more of a teasing way compared to Alex, Alex is just adapting to his surroundings.

Hank McCoy:

First impression:

I remember quite liking Hank when I first watched FC, I don’t think I had a huge opinion on him but I did enjoy his presence. I liked his bashful relationship with Raven and I think Nicholas Hoult played the character well. He was like in between Alex and then Cherik and Peter for me, I cared about his presence because he was often involved with my top three, but he wasn’t obscure enough for me to develop a proper obsession with.

Impression now:

Kind of the same to be honest, if anything I think I may have gone off him a little bit. Not because of anything huge, but the way he is with Raven in that one scene in FC irks me a little. I do understand his reasoning, as someone with a physical ‘deformity’, I’d do anything to fix it, but I’m also like dude don’t tell this girl she’s not naturally gorgeous-. But overall I do still like him, and I did like his ending in DP too. (Even though I don’t like DP.)

Favourite moment:

Either when he and Logan are fighting in the foyer in DoFP or just his involvement with the montage in FC. Him being like “am I still a bozo?” to Alex, like bro what do you think the obnoxious little blond is gonna say-.

Idea for a story:

I like the idea of potentially writing a small oneshot about Alex and Hank having a conversation, maybe just before Alex leaves for Vietnam. I feel like it’s the only time they’d ever have a vulnerably emotional moment together. Alex wouldn’t admit to Charles he’s worried about going, and Hank would’ve picked up on enough of Alex’s social behaviours to realise it.

Unpopular opinion:

Not sure if this is unpopular but I don’t really ship him endgame with Raven. I ship them as a midgame, but if she had lived in the new timeline I don’t think they would’ve lasted, I think they’re a classic case of right person, wrong time. They were at totally different stages of life.

Favourite relationship:

Love his annoying brotherly relationship with Alex, and his mentor relationship with Charles.

Favourite headcanon:

Sean was the one who got Hank to smoke his first joint, and Hank was so concerned about what it would do to his brain/mutation that he caved and told Charles, as if they aren’t all adults who can make their own informed decisions. I don’t like reducing characters to a caricature, but the idea of Hank shyly telling Charles he’s stoned and has some minor concerns is so funny to me.

Patricia Thornton:

First impression:

In typical Summer fashion, Thornton wasn’t a favourite when I started MacGyver, that was solely Mac and Jack. I just thought she was pretty and badass, and I really enjoyed her banter with Jack. That was kind of all I thought on her.

Impression now:

I. Love. Her. Literally she is such an icon. I came to appreciate her pretty quickly because I binged a lot of MacGyver while I was recovering from my hip surgery, and then when I found out about the traitor storyline I was devastated. I love her snark, her facial expressions, how much of an amazing spy she actually was? I still love her relationship with Jack but I’ve also come to appreciate how she was with Mac and Riley. She wasn’t a helicopter boss/parent, but it’s so clear that beneath the sternness and consistent annoyance, she loved those brats so much.

Favourite moment:

During the Christmas episode, at the end, she’s talking to Mac by the Christmas tree and it’s a clear moment of how she wasn’t just the boss of this team, she was also a friend. She kisses Jack’s cheek, she lets Bozer touch her, she and Mac talk about Christmas gifts, I love it. (I also love her in the fourth episode of season one where she’s beating the shit out of people.

Idea for a story:

I want to write more of her and Mac, I like the idea of her going to see him in the hospital after the incident in S1E1, but he’s at a generic hospital in Italy, and when she and Jack arrive the doctors are like “are you guys family to the patient? 🤔” and they’re like “uh…”. And Jack is like “oh yeah, we’re his aunt and uncle, this is my wife” on a whim and Thornton looks at him like she’s going to take off her shoe and shove the heel up his nose.

Unpopular opinion:

She’s better than Matty. That’s ragingly unpopular but to me she just is, I prefer her dynamic with everyone compared Matty’s character to dynamic with them. And there’s no problem with Matty, I just haven’t warmed to her, like at all. I don’t find banter in her sternness, whereas with Thornton it was more of an exasperation.

Favourite relationship:

I love all of her relationships with the main team, Mac’s is probably my favourite, but I do love how she is with Riley, and Bozer. They’re like her exhausting children and she’s just DONE. And of course her love-hate relationship with Jack is top notch.

Favourite headcanon:

I’ve never talked about this before but I have this deep rooted lore idea that Thornton had a lung transplant as a child. There’s even more lore behind why but I won’t bore you with that, but anyways I have this hc that while on a mission with Jack when they’re first working together, he finds her immunosuppressants in her backpack, and because she hasn’t declared them to anyone on the team, except Oversight ofc, as nobody knows about her lungs, Jack’s first thought is “…she’s dealing drugs.” And confronts her about it, and she’s just like “😒”.

After that, only Jack knows about it, and I like to think that while she’s in prison, he goes to see her and even though he’s mad because he thinks she’s a traitor, he’s still like “they’re giving you your pills for your lungs right?”

Warren Worthington III:

First impression:

I don’t really remember my first impression of Warren. I remember in TLS, when we see him trying to cut out his wings, my first thought was “WOAH IM UNCOMFY”, but overall I think for me he was just sort of…there?

Impression now:

I like him a lot more in TLS than I do in Apocalypse, in Apocalypse I find him a bit obnoxious, but I like the complexities of his situation in TLS, as much as I don’t like the movie itself. I think it’s really interesting to see his development throughout that movie considering he has such little screen time.

Favourite moment:

I do actually quite like the scene where he flies away from his father before he’s forced to have the mutation cure. Very powerful and I think the actor did a nice job.

Idea for a story:

I don’t have one off the top of my head but I like the idea of something to do with he and Alex talking, for my universe they both have somewhat ‘unsupportive’ parents, so that could be an interesting exploration.

Unpopular opinion:

I can’t say I have one because I don’t know the character well enough. Maybe that he kind of annoyed me in Apocalypse? Like I get why he was the way he was, I just didn’t feel emotionally connected to him. I wish they could’ve fleshed it out a little bit more.

Favourite relationship:

I have no idea.

Favourite headcanon:

Again, not really any idea cause I don’t know enough about him, but I’d love to hear a few of yours sometime.

[wilhelmfink]

periodic self-reflection - 10.29.24. 11:58pm

we're gonna do a little check-in. few things have been weighing on my mind.

earlier tonight I saw my first roach in my apartment. I screamed repeatedly as I tried to shoot it with a gun while my dad egged me on over facetime. this is: living alone in the city of dreams!

one tab over, my boyfriend is streaming a scary game. I don't like this one, but I love his voice, so somehow I can still fall asleep to it. funny how he is starting his night as mine is ending (a little later than it should, but that's cross-country long distance for ya).

I'm in the midst of my first ultra-viral moment. it's overwhelming. my first tattoo is probably second to this, and then all of my halsey twitter moments after that. it's exciting, and unexpected. bit whoreish of people not to compensate me for the views i'm bringing them as, oh idk, a cover image on nowthis for example. ah well, guess all that work painting my face saturday night for a costume i thought of in june ended up paying off somehow.

halloweekend has a record of being a little cursed for me. i'm not going to say it's over this year until after thursday, but it's had a shit reputation over the years. the past three years were actually comically bad and fully traumatic. the past three halloweekends changed the course of my life. all in ways that have become quite positive and have transformed my life in unexpected and beautiful ways.

speaking of. this is hard for me to say. but I have a sneaking suspicion that I haven't let myself fully open up to any of the people i've met or grown closer to in the past two years because of how I lost everyone two years ago. i've just felt such a divide between how I act with my friends of 9+ years vs those i've known for a few years or less. and of course, certain levels of comfortability come with time, which is what i've dismissed it as. but i've noticed more and more around my newer friends (who i've still known for 1.5 years at minimum, which is crazy!) that I really hold back from more difficult conversations, giving them advice that they might not want to hear - basically saying anything that might upset them for even a second. I feel like it's made me a yes man, someone spineless. I feel like my judgement is permanently fractured. I want to believe the best in people, I see the world behind the delusion of very foggy rose-colored glasses. i rarely let myself think of things negatively (unless you've really done something to deserve it) because I don't want to rain on anyone's parade. I think my friends deserve better than what they're settling for, but they also know that. and I know that as much as we tell each other that, that true realization and subsequent change has to come from them. i've been where they are, and I was abandoned when I didn't follow orders. so, I think it's a mix of being patient with them, but also saying the hard things that they might not always want to hear when they come to you. which i've been trying extra hard to do lately. I think i'm just so permanently terrified that the people i've grown to love and be so happy around will also up and leave me too.

another thing that has felt, refreshing, I suppose - is again, how I feel with my friends of 9+ years. she told me the day she broke up with me that I was unable to have intelligent and thoughtful conversations (nice!) so naturally I wondered if I was actually a fucking idiot who couldn't comprehend more than the clique series, re-watching the same movies and tv shows over and over- oh wait, we actually had that in common! lol. well anyways, I rediscovered over time that that actually wasn't true! i've been so lucky the past year to spend so much more time with my best friends- all of them, as scattered across the country as they are- than I have in years. having the chance to talk for hours about anything and everything without worrying about the clock running out. hehe era went incredibly hard, and i've felt such youthful joy in remembering that alcohol doesn't need to be involved in order to be social in any capacity. I really think I used alcohol as a crutch after her. her words dug so deep and they truly fucked with my self image, so I fully let loose and bought into the party girl lifestyle that I was dabbling with as 2022 progressed. and I don't have any regrets about that, I truly think I needed to live that crazy lifestyle for a while to find myself again - because I ended up getting some wonderful friends out of it, and countless stories. and looking back, I think I know why she said those things to me. in about the eight month dissolution of our friendship, I slowly held more and more back. just about everything I said and did was met with judgement, doubt, or a fight anyways (not unlike the previous 16 years, but it really ramped up) so I just shut up. and because of it, I felt farther than ever from my best friends that I had been inseparable from for 4 years. I was already bad at confrontation and talking about uncomfortable things, and i'm sure me choosing "just shut up" definitely made things worse. at the time though, that seemed like the only option. every day felt like suffocation, and I never wanted to feel that way again.

and yet, i did. but instead of repeating my doormatting pattern (at least, to avoid breaking any previous records), I took them out of my life. some I gave too many chances. one I left without a word and explanation, because she already knows. it hurt because I saw pieces of my past behavior in her, things I wish I could've apologized for once karma brought them around. but then she ended up being just as worse, if not totally irredeemable, as almost anyone could've predicted. another's anxieties kept manifesting in ways that hurt my friends and I too many times- and once I felt that familiar lack of air, I knew it was over. the last one slowly choked the air out of me with his monotone berating, leaving me passed out from exhaustion on my own couch as my body fought for a way to escape. and it wasn't always that way, it was good for so long. it was so pure, I can tell from the way I wrote about it last year. but i don't think i'd be able to remember those feelings if not for those honey-coated musings.

It's been two years and I feel like I just started feeling like myself again. it sounds like a long time, but it felt like the blink of an eye. 2022-23 were for fucking around, trying everything, processing grief, partying, sex, meeting new people, hating brooklyn, grabbing all the pieces I liked and chucking them into the future to take with me whenever I decided I was ready to sit down and sort through it all. and then, standing under the BQE after eating one of the greatest sandwiches of my life, one admission to an old friend with a complicated yet lovely history elicited a swift emotional punch to the gut - and something clicked. have you ever felt years of pent up love suddenly burst out of some pair of metaphorical, idiotic gates you built in your head? but you're glad you built them, because you wouldn't have ended up where you are if you hadn't? for the first time in two years (or seven, if you want to cut that deep) we were finally ready. and I could write about this for hours, but I just checked the time so I gotta wrap it up soon. plus I wanna save all the love juice for some long mushy essay I want to give him on some other special day :)

all of that to say. that moment kind of put a blanket of calm over an area of my life that was definitely the subject of irritation over the years. a sigh of relief replaced all the sharp intakes of the past. so I spent 2024 falling in love, spending almost as much time living in a cozy apartment in the city of my dreams as I have jetsetting around the country and across the ocean, floating down a river with my parents that I can call my second home, never going too many days without seeing my lovely friends, dedicating time each week to therapy with my mother that I begged for for years that changed both of our lives in the best way imaginable, and living the dreams of my inner child - from running around the studio and the scottish hills where they shot harry potter, handshakes outside of the parent trap house in london, romping around disney world and disneyland where sad is basically impossible, and going back to visit both my high and middle schools to cap it off.

I feel very proud of the person i've become in the past few years. I feel very new and improved, but I also feel like i've found and reconnected with pieces of myself that got a little lost along the way. I never understood what people meant when they said those things, as it can sound pretty generic- but now I do. and i'm smiling to myself because i did all that work without even realizing it some of the time. there's still so much I want to change, and improve, and muse over until I decide what's right for me - which is good, and doesn't negate any of the progress i've made so far, which is a lot!

there's always more to write, but it's past my bedtime, if i even have one anymore. i love this place for always listening, even after 15 years- wait. more than half my life has been on this website

okay. that's a different crisis to have.

happy halloweekend, kids. pray for me, i'll pray for you.

love. 10.30.24. 1:35am

[wellenklavier]

got tagged by @zemnarihah a while ago, thanks my man B)

when was the last time you cried? - the last time i REALLY cried was in mid-January when i was moving, and I had a minor 2-min cry sesh at work (oopsies) earlier this month. I don't like crying but unfortunately my body makes me sometimes

do you have kids? - hell fucking nooooo my 26 yr old coworker is having a kid and that's SO SCARY TO ME YOU'RE 3 YRS OLDER THAN ME!!!!

do you use sarcasm a lot? - not really

what sports do you play? - at the moment nothing but I started some calisthenics stuff last week (trying to build up to certain movements ie unassisted pistol squat) and I do some weightlifting? and once it's warmer I'll resume my regular runs, FUCK running on a treadmill I hate it. I played rugby in college and would love to do it again but don't really have the dedication to do it around work. BUT I think I'm going to try roller skating, there's an adult learners program near me!

what’s the first thing you notice about people? - Facial expression, posture, tone of voice. let's say eyes I be staring into people's eyes

what’s your eye color? - "get her some brown contacts please" Blue

scary movies or happy endings? - scary moviee i love watching Scary Movie with Friends

any special talents? - i once went without pissing for 12 hours.

where were you born? - fuckass wisconsin

what are your hobbies? - at this point working out is a hobby because it takes up enough of my time. but I read and play vidya games. if I had money I'd have a rock climbing gym membership, and hopefully soon I'll be roller skating... I haven't made a paper mask in a while (i have no printer.) but I like doing those

do you have pets? - no, except my cat at my parents' house :( If I ever get my apartment totally set up and save some money I Might consider a sand boa but i need to know if i'll have to move again anytime soon cuz that would be annoyyinnggg to mooooveeee

how tall are you? - 5'4

favorite subject in school? - english literature in high school, plant taxonomy in undergrad

dream job? - fuck man i don't know. I don't have one. I want to work 4-6 hours a day for structure doing something mentally and physically stimulating, ideally with access to the outdoors. or at least some fucking windows. part of me wants to be a barista, part of me wants to be a professor of sociology, part of me wants to be a field ecologist. I want time to explore the place I live without it feeling like a chore and I want to socialize outside of work and I want to go on a FUCKING HIKE THROUGH THE WOODS

open tags homies go for it

[borderlinescorpio]

Criteria-fitting thoughts - Unstable Emotions (The Reality of Being a Borderline)

TW - Mental Illness , BPD, drug addiction

The reality is, that every single part of the criteria that relates to you as an individual, still won't manifest itself in the same way it does for others. This means that no one should doubt themselves when they're diagnosed, just because of issues such as they've seen other people saying they experience the opposite. The truth is, we are all valid! Please understand whether you fit 5, 6, 7, 8 or all 9, you are valid no matter how many or how they affect you as an individual.

The thing about me is, I'll always provide examples when talking about the affects of Borderline Personality Disorder. I do this for many reasons, but mostly to help people who may not be educated on BPD have an insight into the mind of a Borderline. This can help other borderlines by their FP being able to read, or their siblings, parents or friends. I can be quite an over-sharer, although I don't think I'll need a trigger warning for what I'm going to be writing about today. But I'll include one regardless just incase.

One of the weirdest things I've noticed about mood swings, is having to avoid certain people, places, conversations, even smells, in order to not have panic attacks/flashbacks?? (which automatically lead into an episode of either extremity). My favourite perfume as a teenager, I feel like all the girls had it, Fantasy by Britney, it was amazing but now it just takes me back to the trauma I was experiencing at that time. The strong smell of petrol in a car garage, chicken flavoured supernoodles.. My dad was an addict growing up and he worked as a mechanic, which explains the petrol thing. regardless of my dads life choices, I just wanted so desperately for him to love me the way other girls' dads loved them, it feels pathetic to say it now. One time, he OD'd sitting next to me on the couch, watching TV and his head was at a backwards angle.. I heard liquid coming up his throat but he didn't move, so I yanked him forward and saved that mans life. I was 8 years old, eating chicken flavoured supernoodles.

Even things people might deem as stupid can ruin my whole day, such as hard style music or certain shows or movies with disturbing plots or may have been big in the world of cinema, back in a time where my life was a living hell and i only had myself to rely on fully. Trying to mask it in front of other people is f*cking hard too. I've tried the whole 'okay I will go to the concert, maybe the environment will distract me from the negative effects the music has on my body'.. don't do it, you'll only wish you never went to begin with.

The mood swings side of BPD really does make me terrified to be a parent, like what if I do or say one thing ever that causes them trauma.. I know and I am confident in the work I have done over these past few years to get help and work on changing behaviours, but how do I know I wouldn't end up more mentally ill while being pregnant or after giving birth? Would I have to come off of my medication, which alongside therapy has been the only thing to keep me on an even keel? I'm 25 and I feel like I should be A LOT further on in life than I am..

Another curse of unstable emotions for me personally has got to be the intense lonliness I feel 24/7, due to isolating myself in the hopes that if I'm not around other people, then maybe I won't ruin my relationship with them by splitting or heading into an episode and being too much to handle. If I'm in a manic state I'm too loud and overbearing, and I do really stupid things with a lot of disorganised thinking, it can get quite dangerous. However, if I'm in a depressive episode, my negativity is too much to handle, I'm too intolerant, too aggressive. So I just simply stay away, because what else can I do to protect them from.. me. Or is it me? I'm at a point where I've let the monster take over so much, I have no idea where it stops and I begin.. I have some really good moments where I feel like myself, not possessed by the demon of darkness, but that quickly fades into bouts of nothingness.

[tinyyoungblood]

hi!! do you know that tiktok trend where the girl asks her bf if he can temporarily break up with her so she can be heartbroken when she listens to olivia rodrigo’s new album and the bf always says no? could you do that but with peter and avenger!reader? i don’t really know how the avengers play into that but i trust you to think of something great. love your work babes <3

pairing: peter parker x avenger!reader

word count: 2.7k

a/n: hey fren, tysm <3 i do know that trend, and it always warms my darn heart. you probably meant for this to be a headcanon but halfway through i realised that i was writing full sentences, so i just rolled with it bc i have no self-control lol enjoy x

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Peter, I need you to break up with me.”

Not a moment later, you heard a series of loud crashes and Peter stumbled out of the bathroom, hopping on one leg while fiddling with his zipper. “What did you just say?” His eyes were wild as they scanned your face.

“I need you to break up with me,” you repeated calmly, not taking your eyes off your laptop.

“Break up with you?” Peter echoed, hand raking through his hair in bewilderment. “Why would I do that? Do you want to break up?”

This made you look up. Peter was staring at you like you had just insulted his face, making it quite an effort to stay serious. “It’s just for 34 minutes and 46 seconds,” you assured. “So I can listen to Olivia Rodrigo’s new album.”

He blinked at you.

“What?”

“Please?” You set your laptop aside, shuffling to the end of the bed so you were sitting right in front of him. “I want to listen to it in full effect with a broken heart and everything.”

“I…” Peter slowly shook his head. A helpless laugh escaped him. “Um, no. Thank you.” He turned and made to return to the bathroom.

“Peter,” you whined and grabbed for his hand, pulling him to a halt.

“Sorry, angel.” He shrugged, supressing the faint tug at the corner of his mouth.

“Pleeeeaase.”

“Nope.”

You pouted. “We can break up when you train with Bucky! In that way you won’t even notice because you’ll be busy and distracted. I won’t even be on your mind.” You weren’t sure what you had said that made Peter stare at you like you were insane, but it took him a second to snap out of it.

He cupped your face with his hands and made sure to meet your eyes. “Babe, I think about you all the time.” He said it like it was a wish he wanted to word correctly. Slow and precise. Then he switched to a lighter tone that implied that he was done with the conversation. “I’m not breaking up with you.” With that he turned and left for the bathroom.

“Fine,” you called back although the water was already running and you doubted that Peter could hear you. And if he did, he probably didn’t care. You took that as your cue to leave. Defeated, you plucked your headphones into your phone and picked out a song of Olivia’s album at random.

Steve was lounging on the couch of the common room when you entered. He looked up from his magazine and gave you a small smile by way of greeting. You returned it by tapping two fingers at your temple in salute, ignoring the way how his stare lingered a little longer. You sat down next to him. When you locked eyes again, you saw the silent question on his face and let out a laugh. It ended up sounding more like a delightful scoff.

“I know Tony takes pride in being the philanthropist amongst us, but for someone who grew up in the ice age, you’re really good at reading people’s faces.” You wanted to annoy Steve, maybe even coax out a laugh, but he just kept looking at you, and you held his gaze. You were good at it—an aftereffect of living with Bucky who happened to love the same yoghurt as you did. Sometimes you put all western movies to shame with the way you narrowed your eyes at each other early in the morning in front of the fridge.

To your luck, Steve was just as stubborn, which meant that you two could’ve kept it going until death if it weren’t for the door banging open.

“I can’t believe you did this to me!” A voice boomed. You took a wild guess and assumed it was Clint.

“Tell me about it!” Another voice bellowed right back.

A second later, Sam and Clint marched into the room, furious, whereas Bucky strolled in behind them with no care in the world.

The former two were holding bags of food. Both were animated and waving their arms through the air while arguing. You turned down the volume of your phone in time to hear Steve demand, “What’s going on?”

Clint and Sam stared daggers at Bucky until Steve amended, “Buck, what did you do?”

The man in question turned around, facing his best friend in exasperation. “I asked these two to get food for me.” This earned him a snarl. Bucky waved them off and examined his metal arm, unconcerned. “Honestly, I have no idea why they’re getting so worked up about it.”

“We—” Sam gestured wildly between Clint and himself. “—were asked to pick up food for him from two different places. And neither of us knew about it!”

“Yes, neither of us knew,” Clint chimed in, eyes narrowing at Bucky who was busy flicking dust off his arm. “And I don’t know about you, Sam, but I was touched. I was moved, okay? Because Bucky never asks for anything and here I was, thinking we’re starting to bond or whatever but now I just feel USED.”

Sam gave a harsh sound in agreement.

“Bucky,” said Steve after no one had anything to add. “What do you have to say to that?”

Your gaze flitted between them, not sure what to expect. Bucky didn’t give any sign of wanting to respond, making you wonder if he had heard Cap at all. But then a slow smile swept over his lips and you noted that it was probably the most feline smile you’d ever seen. It was a smile storybook villains wore after burning down the world.

“The only thing I have to say is that I regret not having the moment they ran into each other in the elevator on video tape, because that—” He turned and looked Sam and Clint straight in the eye. “—was amazing.”

No one spoke.

“Ruthless,” you said under your breath and just like marionettes, the four men glanced you before another argument broke.

You took the chance to turn the volume back up. “happier” was playing and you settled further into the couch to watch the scene unfold. Sam was arguing so passionately that the vein on his neck was making an impressive appearance. Clint, on the other hand, had a palm pressed flat to his chest; his face showing pure betrayal. Bucky didn’t seem to care for the chaos. He tried multiple times to grab for the bags only for one of them to move out of his reach. When you glanced at Steve, you nearly lost it.

He was staring at them like his lifespan had just been reduced to ten years. He looked like he wanted to throw pebbles after them.

Nudging him with your arm, you silently handed him one of your earphones. He glanced at you and hesitated, probably thinking of the many times you had offered him a taste of blaring electronic music. You rolled your eyes and insisted again. This time, Steve took it and you watched in amusement as his brows rose in surprise.

“I like the piano,” he mouthed and glimpsed at the name of the song. You grinned.

In the meantime, Clint and Sam had decided to form an alliance. They had planted themselves in the opposite couch, digging into the contents of the brown bags while Bucky gawked at them from the other side of the room with his mouth ajar and heart ripped out of his chest. Shaking his head in disbelief, he let himself fall into the armchair facing them. He looked devastated. You weren’t sure if you had to stifle a laugh or tears.

Next to you, Steve chocked back a laugh. You quirked an eyebrow and considered him only to realise the reason behind his glee. Bucky was brooding in his seat while Sam and Clint did an excellence job on commenting every bite. Nothing has ever received as much praise as that pasta, and you were certain that if this were a cartoon, there would be rain clouds hovering above Bucky’s head. As if the angels had set it up themselves, you took notice of the lyrics.

I hope you're happy, but not like how you were with me

I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go

So find someone great but don't find no one better

Bucky was pouting, poking the leather of his armchair with his finger while stealing glances at Sam and Clint. It was perfect. Steve slapped a hand on his chest and he tipped his head back, laughing.

I hope you're happy, I wish you all the best, really

Say you love her, baby, just not like you loved me

And think of me fondly when your hands are on her

I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

You were both laughing hysterically. The others had stopped their on-going war to stare at the two of you; their expressions baffled. The song came to an end and Steve gave back your earphone, rubbing his eye as if wiping away a tear. He rose and walked over to Bucky, hurling him to his feet and putting an arm around his shoulders.

“Oh, Buck,” Steve said with a note of laughter in his voice. “There’s a song I need to show you.” You smiled as you watched them leave.

“Well, this was fun.” You pushed yourself off the couch and shook your head as Sam offered you some of his sushi. “Thanks, but I’m on a mission to get heartbroken.”

Leaving the men to their food, you wandered the halls and listened to “traitor” as you walked past Wanda’s room. Her door was open and you could see that Vision was in the middle of a chess game with Bruce and Wanda. By the looks of it, Vision was as good as winning and you reined the urge to cheer for him. You peaked around the door frame and saw that Vision had their king in check. Deep betrayal crossed Wanda’s face.

You chuckled quietly and whispered, “FRIDAY, play what I’m listening to right now through the speakers in Wanda’s room.” FRIDAY didn’t bother to respond but not a second later, the lyrics were blasting through her room and their heads snapped up in confusion.

Don't you dare forget about the way

You betrayed me

'Cause I know that you'll never feel sorry

For the way I hurt, yeah

“Wanda?“ You heard Vision’s careful voice. “What is going on?”

Guess you didn't cheat

But you're still

You're still a traitor

“I’m not sure, but these lyrics aren’t wrong…You are a traitor.” Wanda narrowed her eyes at him, slowly bobbing her head to the music. Treason danced in her eyes. It was the beginning of a villain origin story.

“Maybe it’s a sign of God,” Bruce said and you almost burst out laughing.

God, I wish that you had thought this through

Before I went and fell in love with you

“Hell yeah!” Wanda yelled and this time you bolted down the hallway, wheezing. You dashed right into Tony’s lab and slammed the door.

“What are you on?” He looked up in amusement. You simply shook your head, laughter still bubbling over your lips.

“Just spreading love in this facility.” You waved your hand at nothing in particular and Tony nodded.

“Right, I heard you asked Peter to break up with you to listen to that one album? Very dramatic. I like it.”

“See.” You gestured at him, indicating that he was the only one who got it. “It’s a good album. Maybe you should ask Pepper to divorce you.”

Tony gave a humourless laugh. “Yeah, I don’t think she would come back if I asked her.”

“Yikes,” you mumbled and this time Tony’s laughed for real.

“So what? You’ve just been walking around waiting for heartbreak?” He turned back to whatever he was working on. You stepped closer to get a peek.

“Precisely.”

“Sounds tiring.”

“I’m powered by exhaustion” You handed him the wrench he needed. “Want a listen? I think there’s a song you might like.”

He contemplated the offer and lifted his shoulder in a half-shrug. “Sure, why not.” You couldn’t help but squeal. You knew that Tony probably didn’t care but sharing your music was always exciting.

Beaming, you removed your headphones and connected your phone to the speakers of Tony’s lab. The first tunes of “good 4 u” started playing and Tony tapped his foot to the beat, head bobbing just slightly. When the chorus hit, he stood up and you stepped back, thinking he wanted to headbang. Instead, he reached for a tool that was further away. You didn’t miss the way he moved his shoulders in a little dance move though.

“I like this one,” he said, and you flashed him a smile. You continued working on the suit, handing Tony things you knew he needed until you passed him a plier and he froze. You furrowed your brows, glanced at the tool you knew was the right one, and cocked your head in silent question.

Maybe I'm too emotional

Or maybe you never cared at all

Looking you straight in the eyes, he flung the plier over his shoulder, opened a drawer, and took out another plier to use on his suit. You gasped.

“How dare you,” you whispered in shock. Tony had the nerve to shrug.

“Enjoy your little heartbreak moment, Y/N.” He shooed you away like a cat. “FRIDAY, yank up the volume, would you.”

Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy

Not me, if you ever cared to ask

Good for you, you're doin' great out there without me

“Guys?” Peter’s voice was drowned out by the booming music. He was leaning against the doorframe, watching in amusement as you and Tony towered on the lab tables, using screwdrivers as provisional microphones. While Tony played a terrific air guitar, you sank dramatically to your knees and impressed the crowd with your air drumming skills.

“Guys?” Peter tried again, chuckling. This time you and Tony whipped around at the same time and pointed straight at Peter.

Like a damn sociopath

You threw your arms up in the air and spun in circles while Tony jumped into quite an impressive split leap.

I've lost my mind

I've spent the night cryin' on the floor in my bathroom

Just over the fact that I really don't get it

But I guess good for you

The song came to an end, and you leapt on Tony’s table to share a screwdriver with him as you sang the last lyrics together.

Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily

The song ended and all you could hear was heavy breathing. Peter began to clap. “This was great, you guys. Wow.”

You exchanged glances with Tony before making a show of bowing at the waist.

“So this is what happens when I refuse to break up with you?” Peter strolled over to where you sat on the lab table, positioning himself between your legs. Tony chuckled and jumped off to grab a water bottle from across the room.

“I’m gonna need you to elaborate on that,” you said, just for the devil of it.

Peter smiled. “Cap and Bucky are crying over a song, Vision is sending Wanda flowers in ten-minute intervals, and you are down here having a rock concert with Tony.”

You gave him a toothy grin. “I was just feeling sour.”

* * *

stay hydrated pals

[oro-e-diamanti]

The one with Ethan’s suggestion

Description | Ethan suggests something that you had never seen coming - but for how long will you be able to resist him?

Content | smut with a bit of fluff

Pairing | Ethan x fem!Reader

Word Count | 3138

Tagging | @ginny-lily @mywritingonlyfans

***

"You did not just ask me that."

Ethan didn't even seem bothered by your shocked reaction. Instead, he simply kept looking at you, waiting, as if he had posed a completely normal question. You were certain it wasn’t though - who the hell just came out and asked one of their best friends to start hooking up? Surely this wasn’t just you thinking this was more than odd. You couldn’t stop looking at him, relaxing on a lounger in the sun, book still open in his hand, and how he didn’t seem to care.

“Oh, come one, Y/n,” Vic interjected from where she was relaxing on a pool float. “Poor Ethan hasn’t been with anyone since the pandemic started. The least you can do is help him get laid.”

“Get laid by me?!”

“Who else?” Victoria laughed. “It’s not like he can go out and pick up someone when we go on a promo tour in a week. We’re barely allowed to meet anyone as a safety measure.”

You shot her a pointed look and Victoria being your friend for the longest got it immediately.

“And no, I’m not gonna hook up with him. So it’s gotta be you.”

You couldn’t believe the conversation you were having. Had everyone simply gone crazy? Surely, Thomas wouldn’t be on their side in this, right? You watched as he lazily strolled towards your loungers, cigarette in hand.

“Thomas!” You shouted over at him. “Ethan wants me to hook up with him!”

“Fucking finally,” Thomas laughed as you stared back in horror. Was everyone in on this madness? “He’s been moping around for ages. About time he gets laid and relaxes.”

“See?” Ethan interjected. “Everyone thinks it’s a good idea.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea!”

“Fine,” Ethan shrugged. You hated how much he didn’t seem to care - how he had posed a question like that without an ounce of awkwardness and how your rejection didn’t seem to faze him in the least. You knew he was open about sex and sexuality, you’d been part of countless conversations among the band and had seen him pick up people at parties more than once, but this unnerved you. "If you change your mind, I'm available."

And with that Ethan went back to his book, Victoria went back to floating around the pool and Thomas went back to smoking his cigarette. But you weren't going to go back to anything, because whether you liked it or not, Ethan's suggestion would continue playing in your head for the unforeseeable future.

***

Three days. It had been three days since that fateful day at the pool and you could barely stand to look at Ethan. It wasn't because you were embarrassed - you all spoke about such things quite openly - nor were you angry at him having asked in the first place - if anything, it was flattering, a man such as Ethan considering you attractive in that way. It was more of a constant thought in your head whenever you were in the same room with him or he talked to you or you looked at him or he so much as popped into your mind. You kept lying awake at night, intrusive thoughts of Ethan towering over you clouding your brain. You didn't know what it was but you knew you didn't like it.

You were pulled out of your thoughts as Victoria approached you, taking a couple of tomatoes you had spread in front of you and started cutting them up. You had been in charge of making dinner most days, with one or the other coming to join you in your cooking endeavors sooner or later. Today it seemed to be Vic, who was giggling away beside you, quite obviously dying to tell you something.

"And what is up with you?" You asked, a smirk on your face. You were happy your friend seemed so giddy and it had you itching to know why.

"I have a date!" Victoria was never one to keep things like these to herself for long - whenever she was positively excited about something, the world simply had to know. "Her name's Paula, she's on holiday here and we're going to go out for wine."

"Just wine?"

"Well, I'm gonna say, don't expect me back here tonight." She couldn't stop herself from smirking and then breaking out in another round of laughter and you joined freely. Good for her.

"I miss dates," you mused. "Or maybe - I don't know. Maybe I just miss at least staying the night with someone."

"You really need to get laid, babe."

"Who needs to get laid?" Damiano had appeared without warning, sneaking up on the two of you and pinching both of your waists teasingly before hopping on the counter next to where you were working. A slice of tomato was stolen and ended up in his mouth before you could react, only hitting him in the arm when it was much too late.

"Y/n," Victoria answered nonchalantly. You stared at her in annoyance but she didn't even catch your eye.

"So does Ethan! You guys should fuck."

"Not you too," you groaned. All of this seemed like a bad joke. In fact, you were starting to wonder if this was all some weird plot your friends had to get you to sleep with Ethan. But why would they?

"Huh?" Damiano sounded surprised but you didn't put it past him to simply put on a good act.

"Ethan asked her to hook up the other day."

"No way!" Damiano exclaimed. "He actually, fina- I mean, he actually asked you that?"

"Yup, and she shot him down," Victoria explained. You were getting more annoyed by the second. Especially because it felt like your love life (or lack thereof?) was being discussed without you. Plus, you couldn't shake the feeling they knew something you didn't.

"Aw, poor Ethan. You know, you should really give him the chance. Make the most of the fact that you've both got the house to yourselves tonight." Damiano's eyebrow wiggle earned him a tomato slice to the face due to pure irritation on your side. He wasn't bothered, quickly shoving it into his mouth and happily munching away on it.

"Wait, what do you mean? Where are you going?"

You sounded much more panicked than necessary. So what if you were alone in the house with Ethan? You'd survive. Easily. You'd read a bit of your book, maybe watch a movie, go to bed. You didn't even have to spend time with him. Right?

"Going out with my girlfriend, she's in town for work. Not sure where Thomas is off to but he's already left" Damiano shrugged, finally hopping off the counter to hopefully stop being in the way. "So, if there's anything you want to do, do it tonight."

***

So this was it. You were alone with Ethan. No, this was nothing. So what if you were alone with him? Not like it was going to change anything at all.

You had said your goodbyes for the night to the two lovebirds, wishing Victoria the most possible fun on her little date, before pouring yourself a glass of wine and retreating to the patio. You had no idea where Ethan was and you didn't mind.

The sun was setting, the temperature was more than bearable and you had your book lying next to you. Eyes closed trying to enjoy the last rays of sunshine, your hand grasped the stem of the wine glass, and fuck that moth scared the living daylights out of you. And caused you to spill your wine all over your blouse. Red wine. Crap. One was supposed to wash those out immediately, right? Right? You realised you had no idea, as you sprinted towards the upstairs bathroom, already unbuttoning for fast removal.

You threw the door open, feet set to move towards the basin, when you realised you weren't alone in the room. It happened in slow motion, as much as you hated the cliché of it all.

Ethan's back was towards you, strong, hard muscles visible under an array of water droplets that were slowly, slowly making their way downwards, hypnotising you and keeping your gaze locked on them. Your eyes were still travelling lower and lower when he noticed your presence, turning around out of reflex, and you could not help but notice he was not wrapped in a towel, nowhere close, when your eyes fell on-

Oh.

Oh.

In a rare moment of clarity, you tore your gaze away, looking up at his face instead, just to find him eyeing up your cleavage. Your blouse was halfway undone, putting your white lace bra on full display. Then his eyes snapped away and looked into yours instead. For a second, it felt like the world was standing still. Your brain only worked for another moment before it decided to let your body - or potentially your heart? - take over.

You told yourself 'fuck it' - or maybe you said it out loud, judging by the sudden smirk appearing on Ethan's face - and reached for the man in front of you. He reciprocated without hesitation, pulling you in and meeting your mouth with his, as he walked you backward until you hit the wall. His body felt hot against yours, providing a stark contrast to the cold tiles pressing into you. His hands cradled your face softly, fingers stroking along your cheeks, while he kissed you, open-mouthed, in a way that left you breathless.

If you had ever had doubts that sex with Ethan would not be worth it, they had evaporated into thin air altogether.

His hands had started roaming your body, finally landing on the last buttons of your blouse. You had expected him to slowly open them up, but instead, he tore the fabric apart in one swift movement, buttons flying and hitting the ground with little clacking noises. You wrecked your mouth from him for a moment, staring at him in both surprise and awe.

"Spiacente," he murmured, although he didn't look all that sorry. "I couldn't help myself. I can get them sewn back-"

"Ethan, stop talking and start fucking me."

Your bold words took both of you by surprise but none of you minded, simply relieved that you were on the same page. His hands were now grasping tightly onto your thighs and, and without giving you a warning, he lifted you up, still pressed against the wall. Your legs wrapped around him instinctively and he took a step back, finding his strength and balance, and slowly carrying you into his bedroom.

You couldn't stop staring at him. Ethan's beauty was a sight to behold on any given day, but the way his lips looked kissed after just a short while and his eyes had that kind of shine to them that had never previously been directed at you, it felt like you were looking at something ethereal. Never mind the fact that you knew he was completely naked, not just the toned chest that was pressing into your torse, but everything else. Hell, you were sure you felt a certain something press into the back of your thigh quite shamelessly.

He dropped you on his bed, leaving you to bounce slightly on the mattress as you lied on your back. He looked like he was about to devour you and you just knew you'd bend to his every wish.

Without any further hesitation, Ethan moved onto the bed, immediately grabbing onto the shorts you were wearing and slowly pulling them down your legs. He held eye contact with you the whole time and you were convinced you had never seen anything sexier in your life. Your panties were the next piece to leave your body. Normally, this would be the point you got nervous about, crossing your legs, hiding behind hands, anything to protect what little of your modesty you had left, but this was different. Ethan took all shame away from you.

"Is this okay?" He asked, as he slowly crawled upwards, spreading your legs and leaving hot, wet kisses along your calves. As much as you appreciated him asking for consent, you almost had to laugh - at this point in time, you had lost all willpower to deny him anything. So, with a blissful smile on your face, you eagerly nodded at him, your hand reaching down and tangling itself into his hair. He groaned as you gave a little tug and the sound was more than enough to get you even wetter than you already were.

At least that was what you thought up until Ethan put his mouth on you. You had been expecting a bit more foreplay, maybe his fingers, but instead you felt his tongue lick along the length of you. Your moan loudly echoed through the room and you had never been so glad that Vic, Thomas and Damiano had deserted the two of you in the house.

Your grasp on his hair tightened as he started flicking your clit with the tip of his tongue. The fact that you could feel his hair tickling the inside of your thighs only seemed to make you more sensitive. Suddenly, one of his fingers entered you, quickly to be joined by a second. Your back arched off the bed in an involuntary reaction as your breathing became more and more laboured. You could hear- hell, you could feel him chuckle against you.

With a sharp tug, you pulled his head away from you.

"I'm not going to be able to take much more, Ethan," you confessed. He looked up at you with wide eyes, chin wet from going down on you and fingers still slowly moving in and out, and you momentarily forgot what you meant to say. "So if you wanna fuck me, I suggest you get a move on."

He didn't need to be told twice. You still sighed in disappointment when he actually removed his fingers from you but you were quickly distracted by him moving them to your mouth and slipping them in. You eagerly sucked on them, twirling your tongue around them, tasting your own arousal, and his composure was slipping with every second he looked at you. He quickly pulled his fingers from your mouth to crawl further up your body, his cock moving against your leg. He was so well endowed it would have almost been frightening if you hadn't been so turned on.

Ethan kissed you with a force that was unparalleled. There wasn't even a question about who was in control. As his fingers trailed from your neck down past your collarbones you both suddenly seemed to remember you were still wearing a bra. You made short work of the piece of fabric, carelessly throwing it across the room, and he thanked you by squeezing your soft flesh in the most delicious way. You repaid the favour by letting your hand wander to his cock and giving him a few strokes. He immediately let out the most sinful moan you had ever heard, head collapsing onto your cleavage.

"I don't think you need any more help from me down there," you giggled.

"With you lying under me like this, I sure don't."

Moving your legs around his waist once more, you slowly guided him into you, your walls swallowing him bit by bit, careful not to stretch you out too fast with his size. It felt like heaven on earth. You both moaned in pleasure as Ethan slowly started moving, making sure you were comfortable as he looked into your eyes, while you broke the eye contact time and time again, too overwhelmed to leave your eyes open every time he thrust into you. You kept grabbing onto what you could, the back of his head, his shoulders, his butt, as he increased his speed, hitting you in all the right places every single time.

You knew you weren't going to last long, not with him on and in and all around you, not with his fingers playing with your nipple, not with his lips clumsily attaching themselves to various places around your neck and shoulders, and as you felt his hand between your legs, softly circling your clit once again, you were gone. You came in waves of euphoria, unashamed of the volume of your moans and the strength with which you pulled on his hair. Your actions, combined with you clenching around him and a few more thrust, had him follow you moments later.

He carefully slipped out of you, never once letting go of you, and turning you onto your side with him so you were facing each other. Both of you were still breathing heavily, vision cloudy, but intertwined. You were convinced he had ruined you - there was no way anyone was ever going to live up to how he made you feel.

"So, did it live up to your expectation?" You couldn't help but giggle as you posed the question. "Getting laid again after such a long time?"

Ethan pushed a damp strand of hair from your face. You hadn't expected such softness.

"It wasn't actually about getting laid, you know."

"Huh?"

"It was about you."

"Okay, you've lost me now," you said, brows knitting as your hand searched for his, finger entangling the same way your legs were doing. "What are you talking about?"

"I... I've liked you for a while. And I tried so much, but you never even noticed."

Your mind replayed the last few weeks you had spent with the band in their summer house. Instances of Ethan bringing you food, cocktails, adjusting the shade to make sure you were in it, offering to put sunscreen on your back. Moments of him searching for your company, moving much closer than necessary in the heat, arms constantly touching when you were sitting next to each other. Jokes and teasing from the others, drunken remarks. You hadn't paid attention to any of it. You wondered how you could have been so blind to a man so wonderful.

"Wait, so instead of asking me out like a normal person, you suggested we hook up?" You couldn't keep the laughter in now. The situation was simply too ridiculous and you had not yet stopped riding on your high from the endorphins he had caused.

"It was Vic's idea." He buried his head into the sheets, but you could still see his cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink. "She knew I missed sex and she said you mentioned something similar so she thought this was the way into your..."

"Pants?"

"Heart, actually."

You snuggled closer, arms wrapping around him so that your noses were touching.

"Well, as embarrassing as it is, it somehow worked, didn't it?" You stroked over his head lovingly. "And I'm sure not letting you go any time soon."

[silenceofthecookies]

Hello cookie, congratulations on 700! For the event, can I plz ask for domestic headcanons for the bleach captains? If not that's ok! Thank you!

Of course! Enjoy!

Shunsui Kyouraku

Shunsui is at the age where he no longer plays around in a relationship. He's in it until the end, or not at all. He insists on open an honest communication and on being able to talk differences out like adults instead of screaming at each other like two stubborn teenagers.

He will do pretty much anything you ask him to do in the house. Captain or not, you shouldn't be the only one keeping your house clean and organized.

Waking up with a bad mood when living together with Shunsui is impossible. He prefers to have you in his arms when going to sleep, and he will hold on to you throughout the night. When he wakes up, he'll stay as still as possible until you wake up. Then it's time for morning kisses and cuddles.

Shunsui enjoys stargazing with you in the garden, accompanied by a nice bottle of sake and some snacks. He'll have his arms around you, or even have you sitting on his lap if you're comfortable with that, just so he can comfortably hug you and still watch the stars.

Juushiro Ukitake

Due to his illness, Juushiro can't do all that much in the house on bad days. On good days though, he likes to take the opportunity to cook for you. He enjoys is and is very good at making typical home-food. Nothing fancy or exotic, but the kind of things that are nutritious and make you feel happy.

Juushiro enjoys being near you more than anything. It doesn't matter if you two are doing different things in the same room, as long as you are near him and sometimes look up to smile at him, he will be happy. This is why he insists on getting a house with an open kitchen.

He also likes to decorate the house with lots of potted plants. Flowers to brighten up the room, some herbs for in the kitchen to cook with, and some bonsai trees for him to occupy himself with on days when he can't leave his bed.

He really enjoys you combing his hair, and if possible, he will gladly return the favour. Ideally, he'll sit in front of a big mirror when you do so, so he can look you in the eyes though the mirror as he talks to you. You can style his hair pretty much anyway you want.

Bakuya Kuchiki

Byakuya does what he can to be a good boyfriend/husband, but he is and will always be a noble. Things like housework is done by the servants, not by him. This counts for you too, of course. You won't need to lift a finger. He won't really understand if you want to do certain things in the house anyway (be it for the sake of control or just because you like something), but he'll let you.

Well-taught as he is, Byakuya wouldn’t be able to cook a meal if his life depended on it. He never learned how to cook, and he has no intention of learning it either.

Despite his busy schedule, he tries to have dinner with you every night. It’s not always possible, and sometimes when it is he has to go back to finish work afterwards, but he wants to make some time for you every day.

He will often get you little gifts. Flowers, chocolates, jewellery… Sometimes because he saw them and thought of you, sometimes just because he wanted to spoil you a little. Whenever he has something to apologise for, like for example not being able to make it to dinner with you, he gets you something as well.

Unohana, Shinji, Yoruichi, Urahara, Toshiro, Soi-Fohn and Kenpachi below the cut!

Retsu Unohana

Retsu's house is full of plants, and it wouldn't be complete without a garden as well. Most plants that she grows have some kind of medicinal properties, or can be used to make a nice, calming cup of tea. Teatime is a must, and if the weather allows it, she prefers to have it in her garden.

The plants are pretty much the only bright colours in the house. Aside from those, everything is in soft colours so the plants really pop out. There's also very little dark colours in the house, she prefers everything to be light. Big windows/windows that cover a complete wall are a must.

Retsu insists on no shoes in the house. They are left at the door and changed for indoor slippers or socks. No. Dirty. Shoes. In. The. House.

Marriage is no big deal for Retsu. If you want to get married, she'll be on board, but if you don't want to, she's just as fine with that as well. She appreciates the symbolism but at the end of the day, that's all marriage is. She doesn't need a piece of paper to tell people that she loves you and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with you.

Shinji Hirako

Shinji loves teasing you and once you live in the same house, that just gets worse. His terribly cheesy sense of humor is also still a daily occurrence. Yes, even when you're in a bad mood. Especially when you're in a bad mood.

Shinji is very lazy when it comes to his household. He'll make sure it's clean enough to not get sick from living in his own trash and dirt, but he'll push his chores off a lot and he'll leave his stuff lying around throughout the house. If you're a person who likes a clean and/or tidy house, you'll either have to kick his ass or clean up after him.

Surprise kisses. They happen a lot in general, just when he feels like it, but especially when you're in a video chat. He thinks it's hilarious to have your friends/family/co-workers think you have a perfect and loving boyfriend/husband, while he's actually a cheeky little bastard.

He leaves little notes throughout the house when he leaves. Some are sweet, some are jokes. He'll put them in the fridge, on the toilet, inside the shower, on his pillow,… anywhere he knows you'll come.

Yoruichi Shihoin

There is one night of the week dedicated to movie night and takeout. Both the eating and watching the movie will be done in bed. No, this is not up for debate. Lazy movie nights in bed are a must.

Be prepared for this woman wearing little to no clothes when she's home. She doesn't give a damn if people see her naked or not, and you're living together anyway, who cares if she's naked? Clothes are for going outside and for when visitors come over.

She loves taking baths or showers together as well, and not (necessarily) in a suggestive way. It's just a nice way to relax together, ‘and it saves water, right? *wink wink*’

She's actually a pretty good cook, at least when it comes to comfort food. When either of you are in a bad mood she'll step into the kitchen and make some of the best comfort food you've ever had. Which will then, of course, be eaten on the couch or in bed, in front of the tv, with a comfort movie.

Her favourite movies are comedies and romcoms. Anything that'll give her a good laugh is fine.

Kisuke Urahara

Another very laid-back person to live with. There is no rush at all when living with this man, with anything. He's the type of person to be at least a little late to every party or meeting because he just wanted to take his time and get ready in a relaxed way.

Don't let him take care of plants. He is the worst plant dad and they will die. Only cacti survive, and even those will struggle to do so.

Kisuke moves around in his sleep a lot and will steal the covers. A good way to remedy this is to use his chest as a pillow, he'll barely move at all then. Does the pressure on his chest really keep him still, or did he move around a lot on purpose as an excuse to get to you cuddle up to him at night? You will never know.

This man is very clingy. It doesn't matter what you're doing, he wants to have his arms around you. You're cooking? His arms are around your waist. You're trying to clean up? Good luck. His favourite moment is when you're both watching tv though. He'll pull you as close to possible to cuddle up on the couch.

Toshiro Hitsugaya

Toshiro has the windows open all-year round in his bedroom. Even when it is freezing outside, he'll want to open the windows for some fresh air as he sleeps, so he doesn't wake up in that stuffy sleep air that gets stuck in bedrooms. This does give a great excuse for cuddling while sleeping though.

He'll get you flowers every week, on the same day. It's a habit, one he doesn't want to miss. It's his way of reminding you that he cares, even though he's usually very busy with his work as a captain.

He'll agree a schedule with you to do chores in the house, just to make sure it all gets done and nothing gets forgotten. Of course, he helps in the house as well.

If you're not a fighter, Toshiro will want a dog in the house to protect you. Toshiro is very good at training dogs, as he is already used to being a leader and giving orders, and this dog will be the sweetest thing until either you or him give it the command to attack. He really counts on the dog to protect you when he cannot.

Soi-Fohn

Soi-Fohn will decorate her home in a minimalistic way. The colours don't jump out at you and there is just enough decoration to make it feel homely without having trinkets and pictures all over the place. Her home basically radiates calm and is so clean you'd almost wonder if she cleaned every day.

She sleeps with a lot of blankets. During the night she will want to say warm and she'll get closer to any source of warmth, which usually is you.

You need but say the word and Soi-Fohn will help you out with whatever she can in the house. Grocery shopping, the dishes, the laundry,… you name it. She will also start doing things without saying it if she notices you are a little overwhelmed.

She REALLY wants a cat. She loves the little creatures and has always wanted one of her own, but due to her often being away from home for extended periods of time, she never got one. If you've got a job that allows you to go home every day, she'll definitely bring it up.

Of het days off, she likes to cook something for you. She's actually a pretty good cook, though she rarely has the time to prepare something special for you.

Kenpachi Zaraki

Kenpachi is oddly clingy when you're home. He loves you, so he wants to be around you. Preferably have an arm around you. He's not shy about admitting it either. Why should he be? He wants to hold you. He's your boyfriend/husband. It's only normal.

He is the easiest guy ever to cook for. As long as you have made it, Kenpachi will eat about anything. Doesn't matter if you burnt it a little, doesn't matter if it's something he usually doesn't like. If you made it, he will eat it.

His favourite food is BBQ though, and when you eat BBQ he's the one making it. It's about the only thing he can cook, but that meat is prepared perfectly. He'll wear an apron will some stupid BBQ-related pun on it whenever he's doing so.

Kenpachi needs a dog in the house to play with, to get rid of that excess energy of his. It's likely a breed that's generally seen as dangerous, like a Pitbull. The dog is the absolute sweetest thing though, wouldn't harm a fly, and it loves playing fetch.

Kenpachi lets his dog sleep on his bed, which will cause some funny moments while trying to cuddle because the dog wants in on the affection too.

[neocityjs]

Clingy - LJN

Pairing: boyfriend!jeno x reader

Genre: a lil angst, fluff

Warnings: established relationship, Haechan is a bit annoying in this one I’m sorry (Haechan best boy)

Words: 3k

Summary: hurt after hearing your boyfriend and his friends calling you clingy, you decide to show them how not clingy you can be.

A/N: everything is fictional, including the characters’ traits. English is not my first language, therefore I’m sorry for the errors.

Movie nights with your friends were your favorites.

Well, it’d be more correct for me to say “with your boyfriend’s friends”, since you didn’t know them before meeting Jeno. But that doesn’t matter, because in no time you managed to bond with everyone, especially the clumsy yet adorable kid, Jisung, and the loving caffeine addicted boy, Jaemin.

Movie nights with your friends consisted in you eight – even though today you were only seven since Mark was out with some of his friends – sprawled on one couch –  don’t ask me how, but all of you always manage to fit in since no one wants to sit on the carpet – with a blanket covering you and some snacks passing between. Those represented some of those moments you swear you would cherish for all your life.

Tonight seemed to be no different. Jeno had come picking you up at 7 p.m., you spent some time together, walking around, talking and giggling like usual, and you dropped at his house where other five – well, four boys (Jaemin lost to rock paper scissors so he had to go shopping for snacks) – were waiting for the both of you. Donghyuck always got to choose the movie you would watch, not without complaints from every one of you, yet at the end you’d always like what he picks, but Donghyuck doesn’t need to know that.

And there you were, all sprawled on the couch – though not in a very comfortable position –. You had already seen the movie which was playing loudly on the TV, hence you decided to pay more attention to your boyfriend instead. You were all cuddled up with him: he was hugging you, stroking your back from time to time. Your head was on his shoulder while your hand rested on his chest. Sometimes you couldn’t help but leave a furtive and quick kiss on his jaw, praying no one would notice you. He’d smile at you – gosh his eye smile UWU – and then he’d hug you closer.

About one hour after the movie’s beginning, you felt some physical needs pressing, so you quickly excused yourself and got up from the couch.

“Should I pause it?” Renjun asked, the remote already between his hands.

“No, don’t worry. I’ve already seen it anyway”

You made your way to the bathroom only to find out that the toilet paper was missing.

You sighed. Boys.

So you went back to the living room, where everyone was gathered.

You were about to open your mouth to ask where they kept the spare paper but something odd caught your ear. You backed up, hiding behind the wall. You obviously knew that eavesdropping was not by any means honest, especially if it was a conversation between your best friends. But you were almost certain that they were talking about you, your name dropping from one of the boys’ mouth.

“Enjoy being free while you can” Donghyuck joked with Jeno. You furrowed your brows.

What was that supposed to mean? You peeked your head cautiously, not wanting to be seen.

“You’re just jealous you don’t have a girlfriend” Jisung laughed at him, to which the boy responded with a sharp stare.

“Seriously, Jisung? When you haven’t even had your first kiss?”

“Ya ya ya! Shut up and don’t fight you two” Jaemin intervened, throwing a popcorn at them.

A brief moment of silence followed. You still didn’t understand what they were talking about.

“She’s just affectionate, that’s all” Jeno finally spoke, at which you held your breath.

So they were talking about you being clingy with your boyfriend. And this response from Jeno meant that he didn’t mind it, right? Or else he would have agreed with the boy. The thing is, you never thought about it: you supposed that a little kiss every now and then was a way to show your love and affection to him, plus he never complained about it, or never backed away.

“I know, but don’t tell me you don’t find this suffocating sometimes” Donghyuck continued.

Okay, now he was seriously getting on your nerves. What the heck did he care if you were clingy with your boyfriend? This was something between you and Jeno, and he wasn’t allowed to interfere with it, especially in front of everyone in the room. You thought he was making fun of you by now.

At this point you expected something to come out of Jeno’s mouth, anything that could have proven Donghyuck wrong, but he said nothing.

And silence means consent.

How did you know this? Well, Jeno wasn’t one to back out from speaking his opinion, especially with his friends. Especially with Donghyuck, for God’s sake, this guy was constantly bickering – though not with malicious intentions – with everyone.

“We shouldn’t talk behind her back like this” affirmed Jaemin with a severe stare. Jeno looked down: you didn’t know it but he was feeling suddenly guilty, agreeing with Jaemin. Everyone then went silent, the only sounds that could be heard being the dialogues in the movie.

You pressed your back against the wall, processing what you just heard.

Why didn’t he ever tell you? Why did he act like he loved it while, actually, he hated it? Then you thought about every time you held his hand in public, or hugged him, or kissed him, and then your thoughts went to five minutes before, when you were hugging him on the couch. You started feeling sorry.

Maybe after all it’s true, and he didn’t tell me anything because he didn’t want to hurt me.

But well, now it hurt twice as much since you weren’t aware of what your friends and your own boyfriend thought about you. Maybe every one of them, except for Jeno obviously, thanked God they hadn’t a girlfriend like you, who was suffocating and clingy.

And it was at this moment that your guilt turned into anger.

You just wanted to show all your affection and care to your boyfriend who you loved with all your heart, but apparently you were only bothering him. And Donghyuck - oh Donghyuck – you were so angry at him right now. What was the point in making fun of you in front of everyone when you weren’t even there? At the same time, you took a mental note to thank Jisung and Jaemin, the only two people who stood to defend you.

Okay, tonight you were proving everyone how not clingy you could be. Indeed, you were going to interact the least possible with Jeno. He wanted space? Good, you were giving him tons of it.

You eventually went to the toilet using one of your tissues since you were not asking any of them where the hell was the toilet paper, you washed your hands and went back to the couch.

But this time you didn’t hug Jeno. You simply forced a smile and sat next to him with your arms crossed. You tried not to be too obvious, you still didn’t want them to know that you heard everything, but you were sure your face was saying otherwise, and the confirmation arrived when Jeno asked you “Is everything ok?” full of concern.

You just called me clingy and let Donghyuck make fun of me. Yes, everything’s amazing.

“Yes, of course. Why?” you replied, using all of your acting skills in the process which, by the way, were very poor. But apparently they worked, because Jeno smiled at you and shook his head. “Nothing”.

But if you were successful at lying to him right now, then by the end of the movie he understood that something was wrong. You were avoiding all of his attempts of skin ship because “it was too hot”, but then you were grasping at the blanket like there’s no tomorrow. You were also laughing at everything remotely funny that came out of Jaemin’s mouth while you simply ignored all of Jeno’s attempts of making you laugh. Hell, you didn’t even argue with Donghyuck when he murmured something about Jeno being the most unfunny guy he ever met. Oh and you were playing and laughing with Jisung who was sitting next to you.

In short, you were avoiding him.

But he decided to shrug these thoughts away. Maybe he was being paranoid, he thought: you were just enjoying your friends’ company, plus it wasn’t written anywhere that you were allowed to talk and give attentions only to him.

Little did he know, this was just what you were trying to do: shower everyone with attentions except him.

Eventually the movie came to an end, and while everyone was pronouncing their goodnights and heading to sleep, you just remained there, with your phone between your hands, scrolling mindlessly on your Instagram feed.

Usually you and Jeno would have gone to bed together, sharing your thoughts about the movie you just watched, or simply talking about everything and nothing at the same time. But not today. He wanted space? You were giving him space.

Jeno already stood up to make his departure, but soon noticed you weren’t following him like you always did. “Are you coming?” he asked you, stopping on his tracks.

“I’ll just reply to a few messages and then I’ll go to sleep too. Don’t wait for me, you can go”

“Y/N are you sure everything’s okay? You’ve been acting quite weird. Are you alright? Did something happen?”

“Of course not, Jeno. Nothing happened” you replied rather coldly. Then you sighed. “I’m good, don’t worry for me” you added, softly this time. Although you believed he deserved it, you didn’t want to be too rude to him.

He nodded, and without saying anything more, he left.

At this point you started feeling a tiny bit guilty, still you couldn’t simply pretend nothing happened: their words hurt you and even if you really wished to just forget everything, you couldn’t. You just couldn’t, it was stronger than you.

By the way, you had no intention of sleeping with Jeno tonight, so you grabbed the blanket all of you once shared when watching the movie, and struggled a little bit to find a comfortable position. Eventually, after some tears escaped from your eyes, you drifted into a restless sleep.

It took a couple of hours for Jeno to realize you were not in bed with him.

He just fell asleep, a part of him believing that later you would have joined him. But when he woke up, he immediately sensed that something was off. Still sleepy, he touched the other side of the bed only to find it empty, and immediately stood up. It was 3 A.M, why weren’t you sleeping? What the heck were you doing? Did someone kidnap you? At this point he was surprised of how paranoid he could be.

His thoughts came to an end when he saw you, on the couch, with a blanket shielding you from the cold, all curled up. He didn’t see the dried tears that stained your face, though.

Sitting slowly beside you, not wanting to scare you, he gently shook you, not sure himself if it was the right thing to do. He was just so confused, he genuinely didn’t have any idea of what was happening. But he knew one thing for sure: you had been acting cold with him and he wouldn’t had moved until you confessed what was going on. Was it something he said or did? Was today your anniversary or something and he forgot it? Poor boy absolutely couldn’t find peace unless he knew what he did.

Soon you opened your eyes, still heavy from the – lack of – sleep.

“Hey” he murmured softly.

You considered pretending to sleep but nah, as I said earlier, you weren’t a good actress.

“Hey” you replied, stretching your limbs a little bit.

“I got worried since you weren’t sleeping next to me” he chuckled awkwardly. Sure thing, he didn’t know how to handle this situation since this was the first time you were acting like this.

“I… umm… I just fell asleep here” you replied looking at your hands, which you were scratching due to the nervousness.

Another lie.

Then silence.

“Y/N look at me” his voice suddenly changed, turning colder.

You swallowed, a knot forming again in your throat, as you forced back the tears that were trying to escape. You didn’t want to give in so soon.

But how could you, when he was getting angry at you? You should have been angry, not the opposite. And you know what? He was right, you were taking it too far. He didn’t deserve this. Look at how nice he tried to be all night, you managed to anger a calm and patient man like him. How stupid could you be at this point?

With a quivering lip you turned your head, facing him. He was watching you intently, with a serious frown on his face. Your grip on the blanket got tighter, almost ripping it with your nails.

You stayed silent. Then he spoke.

“Why are you being like this?”

You swallowed. What should you say? Were you even allowed to say anything at this point?

You tried to open your mouth to say something, but as soon as you tried your eyes were filled with tears, rapidly falling on your skin. You just couldn’t take it anymore, so you just faced away and buried your face in the pillow, trying to muffle your sobs. You didn’t want to look so pathetic in his eyes, although by now you thought you were being beyond pathetic.

If earlier there was any anger in Jeno, now every hint of it dissipated at the sight of you crying, curled up on the couch. He suddenly felt guilt taking over him. But the amount of confusion and frustration was bigger, so, as much as it pained him to see you cry because of him, this didn’t prevent him from trying to find out what had gotten into you. He was honestly so tired, he just wanted to sleep with you on his side.

He gently, almost scared, touched your trembling frame, and when he noticed there was no sign of rebellion from you, he lied down and hugged you tightly from behind.

And you kept on crying silently, a loud sob escaping occasionally, as he murmured sweet nothings into your ears, shushing you gently and telling you that everything’s fine, I’m here with you. Just let it out.

When you finally finished crying, he placed a soft kiss on your neck, then another on your wet cheek.

“Wanna talk about it?”

There was no point in lying by now. So you faced him, face full of concern and arms still tightly secured around you. And you just let out everything, from how you overheard their conversation – including how sorry you were for doing it and promising it would never happen again -, to how you were hurt by Donghyuck’s words but mostly by Jeno’s lack of words.

On the other hand, poor Jeno didn’t have any idea this could have affected you so much, and because of this he didn’t even think this could have been the cause of your sudden behavior. He just listened everything silently, surprised, just like a kid to whom the newest things are explained.

“I just got so angry at you for not defending me, and for letting Hyuck make fun of me. So I wanted to distance myself from you as much as possible to have my revenge” you openly confessed, hiding your face in his chest.

“I’m really sorry I took this so far. I should have talked instead” you add.

“Well, that’s true” Jeno replied, “but I can’t say I’m in the right either. First thing, we shouldn’t have talked about you like that, plus I’m really sorry I didn’t say anything to Hyuck, I understand this hurt you a lot”

“But do you really think I’m that clingy? Because if so, all you have to do is say the word and I’ll try to respect you space more” you asked, looking up at him with watery eyes.

And if your ears were sharp enough, you could have heard the sound of Jeno’s heart shattering.

Now he was the one who was on the verge of tears.

“Y/N please don’t ever say such a thing. You don’t have to change anything about yourself. I love you because you are you, including your touchy and loving nature. Besides, don’t look at me this way or I’m seriously gonna cry” he added whining, causing a smile – a real one – to appear on your face.

“Now it’s a lot better” he affirmed, tracing your curled up lips with his thumb.

“Can I kiss you or you’re still mad at me?” he asked.

“I don’t know, I was thinking about making you suffer a little more” you joked.

“Oh my God, you’re unbelievable”

“I think so too”

He raised an eyebrow. “Maybe I should kiss that annoying attitude of yours away”

“I don’t know, should you?”

“I’ll take that as a yes”

And with that he kissed you, the fight of moments ago long forgotten. A slow and gentle kiss, a mixture of emotions being shown: remorse, love, affection. It was a way for the both of you to say “it’s all in the past now”.

After you parted, one thought snapped in his mind.

“Wait, how will you manage the matter with Donghyuck? I can talk to him if you want” he pointed out, concerned. He perfectly understood if you were angry at the boy in question, but he also wished all of you to be as bonded as a big family, his family.

“There’s no need, I’ll just confront him by myself, beat him up until he asks for forgiveness and then forgive and hug him”

Jeno looked at you, almost scared. “What…?”

“Just kidding” you said, laughing at his funny face. Still hugging, you made yourselves comfortable enough to sleep.

“Or maybe not”

[wicked-elfie]

Love Letter

I’m not sure what this is. You could call it a diary entry, a vent post, an emotional word-vomit; I’ll call it a love letter. “To whom?”, you and I may both find ourselves wondering. I suppose it’s for several people, several places, things, and times in my life. However, I guess in the end it’s a love letter in the most classic, stupid, corny way; for my boyfriend. Well, him, and cartoons.

I watched Avatar the Last Airbender when I was nine. My cousin and I were sticky with icecream and cake from his tenth birthday party in a sunny Arizona October. Our Opa had just passed away, and I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had been shipped off so I wouldn’t have to watch my dad and his siblings pick up the countless memories and piles of chess sets collected from all around during World War II. My cousin and I, however, got to celebrate life with a deadly amount of sugar and a movie-length series finale, culminating in a breath-takingly animated fight sequence and heart-wrenching soundtrack as the sky faded to purples and oranges over Iroh’s tea shop. Maybe that moment sticks with me because I realized that I had finally found a universe that lived up to my imagination; Maybe it sticks with me because that was the last time I went to visit my cousin before his dad and mine got in a fight over our Opa’s orphaned possessions.

I discovered Gravity Falls several years later. I created mountains of horribly drawn fan art of Mabel. I loved the colors she wore, how she never shut up, and how she always seemed so positive; strikingly similar to me. My dad noticed my interest in the show and decided to start watching it with me as season two began to air. It started as curiosity, and ended with him shouting from the living room couch to me in the kitchen to hurry with the snacks as the final few seconds of an ad played before Weirdmageddon III aired live.

The obsession only progressed from there. I remember hours and hours of drives and dinner-table conversations with my father, pouring over theory after theory, compiling art books and comics, and dragging each other to conventions when we had time. I remember dancing my hand out the passenger-side window; taking in the scent of barbeque; as yellow, orange, and red leaves covered the Blue Ridge parkway in the most beautiful blush. I would recite episodes word for word if he hadn’t already seen the show. I would comment on how Korra had a polar bear-dog that looked strikingly like the retriever that had his jaw laid against the center console, nudging our elbows. I would rant about the numerous queens in Star vs The Forces of Evil and I would go home at night and pick up my guitar to practice another Steven Universe or Adventure Time song, while he made verbal notes about Rebecca Sugar’s ethereal compositions.

I would sit awake at night, staring at the blue light that sparkled across my ceiling from the window, making my own stories and creating my own realities. I would tie myself to certain characters, at one point making the connection to Marceline, and taking notice of how a girl I knew reminded me of Bubblegum. We would sit on the carpet in my room, dissecting every second of Legend of Korra for scraps of queer representation, all the while experiencing what I would later call love for the first time. And I would love her for three years.

But she would create a new life, my dad would create a new life, and I would move in with my best friend who screamed and kicked and pulled at the worlds and stories that I had held to my heart my entire life, and I would lose them all.

I would forget my guitar and my music, forcing myself to listen to countless grey minutes of whatever she wanted. I would remove myself from any of the communities I had grown fond of, whether creative or queer or both, for the sake of making my life more in tune with hers. In the dead of night, I would force myself to drive for hours and hours to take her friends wherever they wanted, and I would hate myself when she ignored me the next day for nearly falling asleep at the wheel. I would wear unwashed sweatshirts, under-eye bags, and my hair would come out a little too quickly.

But sometimes she would work late. So one day, in a random spur of the moment decision, I pulled up a new show, The Dragon Prince, on Netflix. I recognized one of the creators as the head writer from Avatar; How cathartic is it that I began to live for the second time, reading Aaron Ehasz’s name across the screen.

You were there for it. You were her friend at the time, but at some point you just started to hang around to talk to me. You never really watched anything like this: usually sticking to Spongebob or That 70’s Show. You even openly admitted to changing the channel when Avatar would air on Nickelodeon; I punched your shoulder for that, “You’re crazy for thinking Spongebob is better.” However, a few hours in, I found myself buried against your chest, my lungs constricting as you rested your chin in my hair, while we stared teary-eyed as Rayla fell.

You listened to me when I talked about it; the colors, the music, the character designs, the everything; and not for any particular reason- just that you liked it when I talked. In fact, you never told me to stop talking or being emotional. You never once asked me to hide it all.

For three years you’ve watched me and listened to me and encouraged me. When I watched through the Owl House and Amphibia, you would let me fumble groggily over my thoughts and ideas as we downed Voodoo Donuts after twelve hour shifts. You helped me submit my application for a degree in Graphic Design and sat on a call with me when I had to wait in line for my new drawing tablet. You would watch me try on the brightest, most abstract sweaters; the most sparkly and colorful dangle-y earrings; and you would beam at me, telling me I looked beautiful when I wore what I wanted to.

Most recently, I’ve gotten you to watch the 2018 iteration of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. At first the animation was overwhelming to you, but you persisted after you decided Raphael was your favorite. I always say you have to watch it through if you have a favorite. You’ve never seen me write or draw this much, and it almost worried you, till you heard me talking to my dad over a facetime call while we both cooked quesadillas. His was paired with home-made salsa verde and black beans. You and I don’t have a lot of money- running on the bank account of a couple of college students- so mine was a solo cheese and tortilla, crisped up in my favorite butter. You told me later that I had been ranting to him about autism representation and deconstruction of toxic masculinity for three hours.

You took me for a drive. And I laid back in the passenger seat, dancing my hand on the window, imagining wild horses galloping beside the car, led by a striking buckskin mustang through the plains. I could see spaceships hovering amongst the stars: lasers zapping in greens, reds, and blues. I built castles above the crests of the Rockies, and painted various dragons, twisted around the spires. I could hear frogs, croaking in a river band as they drifted down the bayou on the most extravagant Louisiana ferry. I smelled fresh pizza, set down on the tacky surfaced table in some small corner shop in New York. And you were there; You wanted to be there.

I will never again experience the life I once had. I will never be able to gain back the months and months of storm clouds and dissociation and self-hatred at nineteen years old. I will never have another 20th birthday: one that isn’t tainted with COVID and minimum wage work in a 40-year-old-male-dominated kitchen. However, every single year, this gets easier. You didn’t make this happen, I know that. I did this myself. I got out of that apartment, I stood up for myself, I decided to take classes again, I decided to draw and write again. But you were there. You’ve gotten to watch me rebuild myself, a happier version of myself, and you’ve expressed nothing short of admiration for my success. You have to know how much that means to me.

You have to know- spending forty minutes every few nights to watch stories of siblings, friends, and families- how much that means to me. Every time we watch an episode, I get to remember my cousin, my dad, being a kid, being a teenager… being me. I get to be me.