#that makes no sense sorry I'll stop now
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jilly's week in review?
I guess or something. Idek y'all, I was gonna try and do reviews but then I just rambled about what I did instead, so this is clearly gonna need a format revamp next week
anyway
READING
Finished Daughter of Witches
and also St. Peter's Fair, which I had started AGES ago and sort of lost track of, but I'm doing the January Challenge on TheStoryGraph and couldn't decide what to read next but needed to get my pages in, so I went digging for random shit and I have read it before and watched all the Cadfael mysteries so it's not like it was hard to get into to finish it so I could save my streak.😅
Read A House with Good Bones (on purpose from start to finish in one day!) because T. Kingfisher/Ursula Vernon is absofuckinglutely one of my favorites. (There's a thought here about my occasional forays into the horror genre, and how some horror is almost kind of cozy because it's about protecting what we love from what we fear, and that is very much a Kingfisher kind of thing, but that might need a new post and a more functional brain to figure out where I'm going with that.)
Listened to a little bit more of IT while doing housework; I'm not great at audio books except when I'm driving, but sometimes I can manage a little (and I didn't want to distract myself from dishes by picking up a new book instead). Stephen Weber is an excellent narrator btw, for anyone who's curious.
WATCHING
The husband was sick last week, and I was only sort of doing shit either, so he kind of just put the TV on and let it go and I definitely will not manage a nice list with links like I did with books. There was some M*A*S*H, (oh, I did finally watch the special that recently came out on Hulu), and RoboCop (largely because Thing 1 gave the husband the new game for Christmas) and several different Predator movies of various quality, and a bunch of other stuff I am not thinking of at the moment. I know I picked a couple and watched them myself but with everything else I can't remember what?
Also some Mythbusters when Thing 2 picked something to watch for awhile, which is pretty much always entertaining even when we're like: your sample size is nonexistent and just because you can't do it doesn't mean someone who knows what they're doing couldn't have done it so are you SURE you should have busted that? 😅
PLAYING
I got Garden Story for Christmas and got through the quest-lines and realized I was quite far away from all the upgrades, so I've been periodically poking at it and trying to get my villages/tools better before trying the Final Boss. I have had a good time with Concord though, it's fun, I'm just not sure the leveling functions, such as they are, are paced/balanced quite right? 😅 (Or perhaps I'm just Bad At Fighting In Cozy Games? This does seem to be a bit of a trend tbqh, probably why I liked Wylde Flowers' lack of combat so much.) I also have found VERY FEW of the memories/weird achievements so that's a thing I'm probably going to have to look up hints for soon-ish...
(I did finish Potion Permit last year, which is great, I recommend it whole-heartedly: the potion building mechanic is usually pretty solid, it has good characters, a nice aesthetic, I did actually mostly have fun rolling around and fighting things/gathering stuff, but I did reach the end of the main quest and then go... huh, is that it? just because it, yk, kept going after the finale but there didn't seem to be anything there beyond like, a couple personal quests that needed materials I couldn't unlock until the end.)
MORE ENTERTAININGLY I THINK, we did also play some board games
Paint The Roses is QUITE HARD with only two people even if you stick to the medium level whims; or maybe I'm just not that smart?!? We did in fact survive without getting our heads' chopped off by the Queen of Hearts, but we legit guessed the last two puzzles so. Dumb Luck™️ is not nearly as reliable as actually figuring out how to plot your plants better.
We did Escape the Dark Sector (with more people this time, tbf) on our first try though! That was pretty delightful. It is atmospheric and potentially almost deadly without feeling too awful at any point! Also I got to punch a tentacle monster!
Mice & Mystics can go dramatically bad if your dice aren't on your side and you do like, one stupid thing to compound that, and then if you're invested enough to start over you can suddenly realize you've been moving tiny plastic mice and bugs around the table for like four hours and still only got through the first chapter... but not regret it at all because you like your mice and are very proud of them for finally making it!
Can you tell we like co-op games? 🤣🤣🤣
(I did also do some rearranging so the game room was comfier, so like, win/win I adulted and played!)
THERE WAS NO WRITING OR CROSS-STITCHING OR PAINTING OR ANYTHING ELSE THIS WEEK, so uh. Clearly my balance of activities is bonkers and I should maybe get off the couch/game chair(s) a bit more often.
#jilly spam#jilly reads#jilly has a gaming problem#favorite shows#I guess for the brief MASH mention?#I can definitely recommend#a house with good bones#for feels and family dysfunction and weird/terrible magic shit and a Vulture and terrifying roses!#plus some interesting tangents on how batshit people can get#including historical examples!#(not that historical)#that makes no sense sorry I'll stop now#tag spam#week in review#will probably need a better tag for that too#but that is a problem#for tomorrow!jilly
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some postal dude gender headcanons since someone was interested hehe (i'm mostly talking about p2 here, but these could apply to any of the dudes probably)
trans postal dude is really fascinating to me cause i think he'd be quite a different character from a lot of modern trans rep. like, dude is a (relatively) older guy from from rural arizona, who was likely raised in a fairly conservative and religious household, so i think it's safe to assume that he wouldn't have access to much of the resources or terminology that we have now. growing up, he might've known a little about queer people from word of mouth and the few magazine articles he could find on the topic, but for the most part it was a lot of figuring things out on his own.
his adolescent years were really messy and all over the place, he definitely did a lot of experimentation during that time. a lot of sneaking out of his parent's house after dark to hang out in the back alleys with the other weirdos like him. during this time he was still closeted and figuring things, i don't think he really started presenting and identifying as a guy until his mid 20s when he moved away from his parents, and even then he had to go stealth. though keep in mind that's he's a broke bastard living in the middle of nowhere, so he had to DIY a lot of shit.
surgery of any kind is not an option, so that meant he had to work with what little he had. fortunately for him, he's able to pass fairly well with a sports bra, some rolled up socks, and baggy clothes. it's why he almost never takes off that huge trench coat he's always wearing, aside from it just generally being a source of comfort and pride for him. he also started taking hormones when he moved away from his parents, which i like to think uncle dave helped him acquire (albeit through dubiously legal means).
so maybe dude wouldn't make for "good" trans rep, but he's alive and himself against all odds and that's what i love about this headcanon
for dude, transitioning has its ups and downs. on one hand it's incredibly liberating to dress and act and be the way you've always wanted to, but on the other hand it can be quite lonely and difficult too. dude already has to constantly keep his guard up, constantly be vigilant of the people around him and how he's being perceived, but being one of the few queer people in a small town compounds that even further. plus i imagine that he probably has a lot of complicated feelings about his gender and sexuality that he doesn't really know what to do with on account of being really repressed and all that.
#postal#maka mumbles#i have more thoughts but this is getting really long so i'm gonna end it here#i have many hcs but this is one of my favs#it brings me a great deal of comfort as a queer person who spent a large portion of their life in the conservative south#i also have some art related to this hc i wanna clean up and post sometime... maybe Soon#SORRY IF THIS DOESN'T MAKE MUCH SENSE BTW its late and my brain is kinda scrambled#anyways. yea. i'll stop rambling now
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alrighty, friends, i feel the need to be a little transparent because it's affecting things here. the short version of everything is: i'm not doing so hot in the mental health department. no one needs to be concerned -- i'm okay even if i'm having a hard time. but i just ask that everyone continues to be patient and understanding bc i promise that i'm excited to write and chat!! both new and old mutuals, i have so much admiration for you all!! the problem is that the discomfort and sensitivity i feel are making it increasingly difficult to be punctual and social.
so what does this mean? it means my activity may continue to be extra slow. i might procrastinate with messages or go completely silent. i might not log on some days just so i don't have to use my brain. but however my presence here fluctuates, i promise that in no way this is a reflection of my feelings towards you or our muses. i'm just going through it.
all that said, thank you for being here <3 thank you for filling my dash with things that make me smile, and thank you for being a space where i can relax. i care about all of you so much, and i encourage you to be kind to yourselves!! take breaks!! take your time!! your happiness and health matter first always.
#trying to resist the urge to erase everything bc i feel like i'm needlessly explaining myself#but it /is/ needed bc i see how my mental health is affecting me here and i'm frustrated by it and feel guilty#like today was a bad day tbh. i was angry for a good chunk of it bc of work and then there are personal things making it very hard#for me to not become instantly agitated when i get home#so even though i wanted to start messaging people i really almost have the urge to cry at the thought of doing so rn#bc it's just another thing to do when i really just want to /stop/ having to do things today#it's a similar feeling to wanting to see my friends bc i love them to bits but being so burned out that i also don't want to go anywhere#i hope that makes sense and i'm sorry to everyone waiting on me and i'm so thankful to everyone waiting on me#i'm gonna stop talking now though bc i feel like i'm definitely rambling atp ;v;#get ready to ramble | ooc#tw negative#i hope this post isn't as messy as it feels to me but i gotta stop rereading it or i'll go insane
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#JESUS CHISTS TOP AUTOCORRECTING EVERYTHING INTO CAPIGALIZING#Anyways#FUCK ITS DOING IAGIAN#Talking about Nathaniel makes me queasy now bc I get uncomfy w what other people say when I talk Abt any idea w him#I hope everyone knows its not too serious but if you want to talk Abt how “it doesn't make sense”#Pls just don't interact haha#Most of the ideas and posts here don't make sense and that's bc they're not supposed to! They're just silly things in my head#I'm cool w ppl sharing opinions or ideas and correcting me if I get certain info wrong but when its clearly a “what if” kind of thing#And you start talking Abt how “that wont make sense bc _” and then start being passive aggressive when explaining why then I'm sorry#But I think its best if you just ignore me completely/block/talk to me without the passive aggressiveness!! I'd be willing to listen#Otherwise it rly just discourages me from talking about that thing. COMPLETELY#I'll probably stop talking Abt nath but I'll be back 4 sure lol#identity v#idv#identity 5#alva lorenz#nathaniel norwell#identity v alva#identity v hermit#idv hermit#Ppl wont read a mountain of tags most likely but if ur here drink water
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rewatched small potatoes, and jesus christ, what a premise for your lighthearted comedy episode 😡
#i have soooooooo many ragey feminist rants about txf in my old age#obviously scully was a groundbreaking character and i love her beyond words#but the way the writing treats her PISSES ME OFF!!!!!!!#you can tell this show was still made in such a bubble of not being able to comprehend that women are for anything besides torturing#and like. when i was young i was just thrilled to see 'mulder' and scully on the couch almost smooching.#but now i'm like 'you're seriously going to use her feelings for mulder against her#and have her think they're having this sweet connection#and instead it's the serial rapist she's been chasing trying to add her to his list?????????'#'you're going to use the very yearned for imagery of mulder and scully almost kissing in THAT context?!?!??!!'#i just. grr.#the revival and the way it treated scully really opened my eyes to how mad i am at this whole show#i still really enjoy it#but i got BEEF with the way it treats dana katherine scully. i got beef for LIFE!#no wonder gillian anderson was like 'no more of this. bye.'#grrrrrrrrr. okay. i'll stop now. (but only on this post. inside i'll rage forever!)#i get that people get testy about accusing this show of sexism but ........ it's soooooo sexist my dudes.#even if it's just in a way where it's a product of its time and its largely male staff of creators.#dollsome's deep thoughts#JUSTICE FOR SCULLY!!!!!!!#(revival i will never forgive you for retconning william being mulder and scully's kid#and instead saying he was the product of medical rape.#I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!)#(okay. bye. for now.)#p.s. sorry if this post makes you hate me. i gotta live my ragey truth!#i love this show and these characters -- i love therefore i rage. if that makes sense.
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^ next time I'm on the computer, I'm officially adding him to my F/O list... Gay clock #2
#it's weird cuz i selfship w clockboy#and like... kinda selfship w paris Clockboy and EM Clockboy#but i need to add EMCB already. i can't stop thinking about kissing him.......#sorry to PCB tho. while i love and adore and desire him#he will always be Clockboy's boyfriend first to me so it's hard to imagine him loving me on the same level JELDNSKS#does this make any sense. maybe I'll add him anyway cuz like..#im gay. i love all these clock men. might as well have all 3 on my lists#with CB being primary/husband + PCB being tertiary+ EMCB being secondary...?#as of right now
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So I've decided to ignore sleep tonight (though it's already 6am so whatever), because several reasons I won't get into. Anyway I'm reading Prince Lestat and I am LOVING it. There is just so much lore?! So many new characters, fascinating characters?! A whole world of vampires whose stories are connected or totally not to the Coven of the Articulate?! There's just so much.
In my last post, about how I skipped quickly Blackwood Farm and Blood Canticle, I wrote that I was finding it academically fascinating to read several decades worth of an entire literature world in the span of a month only. To continue in this vein (pun intended), reading PL after having binge-read the original VC books is a deep dive into how history has sped up since the 80s.
I'm not just thinking about because I'm reading Gregory's chapter and that's what he's observing, and also because the changed world and what it means for vampire society ("the tribe", and how I adore that terminology) is the big main theme of this final trilogy. It's something I've been thinking about since TVL at least. How for how these novels pertain to the horror and the fantastic genres, they are also a mirror of the society and time during which AR was writing. And because she kept writing decade after decade, and kept observing the world around here, each new book is its own little observation about the early 80s, then late 80s, then first half of the 90s, second half of the 90s, and now we're right smack in the middle 2010s and these immortal characters are feeling the weight of this rapidly changing world.
And it makes me think of actual human beings born in the 40s or 50s, or even 60s, or my own grandfather born in 1931, and how, just like a lot of these vampires recounted in PL, they sometimes can't follow all the changes brought in the last three decades (the biggest thing is technology, intradiegetically Lestat himself saying he keeps forgetting how to use his smartphone, but extradiegetically, it's how AR writes "to go on the computer" and other phrases like that, that sounds weird to the ear of someone who's grown up with this tech). And AR was over 70yo when she wrote PL, so I'm imagining that she was also writing her own impressions of this 21st century world that she saw developing under her eyes.
And in light of all the historic events we live week after week these past handful of years only (the 2020s want to bury us), it's quite interesting to apply that way of thinking to our generation too (millenials and younger, the 80s-90s-early 00s kids). Saw a post earlier saying "do you think one day we'll get to live in precedented times", in answer to the classic "we're living in unprecedented times", and I think of how the VC are the stories of one handful of characters in a world full of other characters who are not or relatively not concerned by these big stories. And how the Coven of the Articulate is considered as legendary amongst the rest of vampiredom, while they themselves don't really realise their fame, or when they do, they reject it. And how in the actual world, there are still a huge percentage of the world population that's not concerned at all by things that here make us all go frothing at the mouth because "omg we're witnessing history". Yes, "we" are witnessing something that will appear in the history books, but it is so because we have decided to put ourselves in the narrative. So many people are not even caring a little bit about big news that seem so important to us, because their lives have other matters to care for. And it's not that they're wrong or we're wrong, it's not about that, it's mostly about how the rapid changes of the world in the 21st century has made a category of people (all ages all nationalities alike) the Main Character, concerned by the narrative and trying to control it or change it (voting, protesting, activism) while so many others are still going on about their lives as usual, maybe seeing the same things as the first category, using the same tools, but not seeing the connection between it and them (the "mavericks" as AR calls them), or others starting to realise and not knowing how to join the narrative (Antoine, Gregory), while yet others have picked up a whole other way of being part of the narrative while not being part of it (Fareed).
I don't know if that makes sense. Maybe I do need to go lay down for a couple of hours after all.
#when i say my mind never shuts the fuck up this is what i mean#rapha talks#rapha reads#the vampire chronicles#anne rice#prince lestat#the vampire lestat#prince lestat trilogy#vc books#gregory duff collingsworth#fareed bhansali#listen i'm just writing down the thoughts banging around my mind in an attempt to declutter it#i haven't done any research i haven't tried to outline anything i haven't even finished the books#i literally stopped reading in the middle of a sentence to come vomit this on here so i could continue reading free of the thought#if it makes sense to someone please do add to it or argue against it or correct it or whatever#one day i'll come and pick back up every meta or review i've written and actually turn them all into proper essays#for now have these sleep deprived half feral ramblings#and as a last disclaimer english is not my native tongue and i am sleep deprived and improvising my rants#so there might be errors or weird syntax - sorry about that
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i need to stop saying "i would rather die" whenever i don't wanna do smth. like yeah bitch we know. you'd rather do that over literally everything stfu
#only time this came in handy is when i was inching towards a major breakdown#and my husband tried to help me figure out like. what i would actually want to do instead of dying rn#sometimes it helps. esp when the way i'd rather do is accessible at that second. or i can set it up for later#the thing** jfc idk why i said way. i need to go to bed#wanting anything feels impossible#and yet i always want so much#it's less about the will itself and more the knowledge it's unlikely i'll get what i want#that makes my brain pavlov its way out of wanting anything#does that make sense.#and so i end up rotting for hours and hours or days or weeks bc i can't bring myself to want anything ever#even when i do want anything i simply don't have enough willpower to wait or work towards it rip......#like my mom always says that getting what i want when i want it is bad bc then there's no anticipation or w/e#but. i don't have that i think. if i gotta wait to get what i want i will simply stop wanting it#unless it's one of those huge life dreams i've been holding onto for years lol#man now i'm just rambling. idk. i'm sad. sorry#vent#negative //
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OAK DONT SAY THAT IM ALREADY GOING CRAZY
#''they've incorporated the best traits of the other into themselves and they know each other like the back of their own hands'' STOP THIS#MADNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS#im sick with the nameless/original illness......#<- realized typing that that i usually use originalshipping for gameverse and namelessshipping for pksp but the other way around actually#makes more sense. since the whole reason its called ''nameless'' is bcuz in the game u can name red and blue whatever u want#which is obviously not the case here. so i'll try and use them the other way from now on lol#anyways THIS IS SO GAY. SORRY.#serena.txt#pksp reread#rgb reread
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have you watched the pjo show?
I saw the first 2 episodes when they came out at a watch party one of my friends threw, and as soon as they ended I realized I didn't particularly care to keep going. It wasn't like, outrageously bad by any means, I just don't think it gripped me enough to want to continue, and there were enough odd adaptational choices that I thought weakened the story that I lost interest. I might have tuned back in if the changes actually built to something interesting in the later episodes, but from everything I've seen it kinda seems like they just took the teeth out of the story, which was what I was worried about.
That being said, the cast seems really great and well suited to their roles, so like, if they improve the writing and pacing in the later seasons and stop sanding down all the rough edges, I might pick it back up. But otherwise, pass.
#im like famously bad at watching tv tho so me not wanting to continue is less dramatic than it probably sounds#i just don't really watch it casually anymore so I'll only follow along with shows that i really really like#i got another ask about the show a little while ago and i was like 'oh ill answer that once ive caught up' and then i never caught up so#sorry to whoever sent that i wasn't ignoring you i just never got to the ep you mentioned#like if I'm trying to be optimistic. given how quickly shows get canned if they're not immediately super popular. and given that this is a#disney product. its possible that once the show proves it can be commercially successful and the characters get older they might stop#playing it so safe and boring and bring some of the harder and more complicated elements back in. and like. that won't fix what they've#already fumbled but it will at least make the story better and more interesting. but idk how likely that is esp since#rick riordan seems totally on board with all the changes and it sounds like he doesn't really get why they diminish the story#like i feel like they're thinking too much about whether or not a change has a huge impact on the plot and not enough about how it#impacts the characters and the overall theme and vibe of the story. if that makes sense#like sure we still got from point A to point B in roughly the same way but that trip means something different for the characters now#and if you do that enough times you end up with a completely different result at the end even if we're technically in the same place#percy jackson show#asks
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how do u feel about valentinos wings being his coat??
The same way I feel about Vaggie being an Angel; I saw it coming and it's mid at fucking best.
#Hazbin Hotel#way too much of what I'm learning about this show is ''oh... Yeah...''#and it's lame as hell#there's twists making no sense for shock value#and then there's whatever Hazbin Hotel has going on#'cause being able to accurately guess this shit from a 30 minute pilot#that is arguably only marginally canon at this point#is downright depressing#also the fact I was able to accurately guess that Vaggie was an Angel when she actually *wasn't* at the start#is extra fucking sad#like she used to have a human name and a death date#she was just a demon at one point during the development#and I'm sorry but the Princess of Hell falling for just some random demon girl#is *way* more interesting than ''oh yeah she's an Angel''#'cause it's like well yeah...#I could probably keep going about all the stuff in this show I find really mediocre#but I'll stop here for now#I think the main problem is how well the pilot did#the show was never gonna live up to that hype
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garashir treasure planet au where julian is the dog scholar guy and garak is the fucking cat captain who fall in love with each other and have like 45996 babies by the end
#i'm sorry#this is so niche#i'll go now#my posts#don't ask me who jim and father figure pirate guy are from the ds9 cast#it's not important#don't look too closely at the eldritch horror you'll go insane#garashir#adding onto this cuz i'm already insane the first mate is ziyal and all the nasty crewmembers are like ''lol they fucking'' little do they k#*know it's even more scandalous than that#they're father and daughter and this is NEPOTISM#i have been thinking about it too and i think jim prob has to be kira#which makes father figure pirate guy ghemor i suppose#idk how that works#odo is morph FNALKNLSG#i need to stop thinking about this it's starting to make too much sense and that is NOT a good sign#ok i'm back garak loopy on the brink of death like ''you have wonderful eyes''#julian freaking out ''he's lost his mind!!!''
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"I'll be there for you, no matter what you're going through I'll be there with you, anytime that you need me to"
Nyx Hopper & Jen Brooks (for @jennathearcher)
#jennathearcher#ok so this isn't what I had originally planned to make for you but that wasn't working so I had to pivot so I hope it's ok!#also sorry it's so late! it's been a rough month#did I use olivia for his basically so I could use the middle picture? pretty much lmao#these photo choices made more sense in my head than they probably do on here oops sorry#I was just thinking of the things we've talked about before like the helping each other get ready for certain things for the make up etc#and the books because about what we talked about the other day#also I realise you can't actually see the inaudible shit talking caption for the taylena one but it's iconic so i had to lmao#I'll stop rambling now oops#jen and nyx
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— MORAL ALIGNMENT
true neutral
True Neutral people believe in the ultimate balance of forces, and they refuse to see actions as either good or evil. True Neutral individuals do their best to avoid siding too strongly with any one force, whether that force is good or evil, lawful or chaotic. For this reason, True Neutral personalities sometimes find themselves drawn into rather peculiar alliances, friendships, and life paths. To a great extent, they side with the underdog, sometimes even changing sides as the previous loser becomes the winner. Such people often see good, evil, chaos, and laws as simply prejudices that lead to dangerous extremes. Like the Taoist masters of ancient China, they tend to believe that the universe functions best when the light and the dark, the yin and the yang, are in balance.
TAGGED BY: @mercless ♡ TAGGING: @witchcraftandburialdirt (for robin and haru) @deathfxnds @vulpesse @windchaser (but only if y'all feel like doing it ♡)
#» out of character — ⌜main sup irl.⌟#» dash games — ⌜the blades are honed; let us test their edges.⌟#the fact she's Exactly in the middle between good and evil.........#we love to see it#but yeah i think the leaning more to lawful than chaotic makes sense too#i don't really think she fits with any sort of commitment to neutrality and balance (things she'd likely criticize tbh)#and she. is very Opinionated and definitely sees things are good or evil most of the time#but i do think it's accurate in the sense of caring for those she considers her people#being malicious toward those who harm them#being pretty indifferent toward everyone else#and that while it doesn't apply to good and evil and the idea they have to coexist#the whole life/death dark/light sort of balance i think makes sense#esp with how ionia deals with those things...#i'm rambling i'll stop now sorry kanfkanf
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sometimes i think of scenarios in my head with my ocs and then sometimes for happy brain i kinda crossover them with my favorite medias atm and also insert myself in bcs i like being self-indulgent and yeah my brain is so fucked up that i just keep repeating the same first bits and can't get far in thinking and i end up just having my s/i ramble my thoughts and it's hard to explain but yeah but anyways it's interesting thinking about who or what my ocs would like in video games or colors or whatever because all my ocs seem to reflect a certain part of me and i can get into the psychology of that but also its hard to explain my thoughts but also anyways yeah i find it interesting thinking about who my ocs would kin
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#feel free to just ignore me oopsies i am just rambling but yeah i love my ocs so much#sorry besties you are all subject once more to my brainrots and rambles and random thoughts now that i am on tumblr rn#my brain is very interesting to me and the way i think but also i can't properly think in such a way and i find it really hard to explain#and i'm such a mess but also man i don't know and i'm going off-track and god i love vgm so much and i don't want to do homework#but anyways back to the goddamn point !!! so my oc merle. i have little crossover thoughts in my head right and i realize#he's similar with akira and then it makes sense as to why i like characters like akira and it's a little woa fr bcs#the way i imagine merle is really similar to akira actually but with a more purple color scheme (but still dark) and he doesn't wear#glasses (at least. wait. actually. i don't really know anymore) GOD my mind never stops but yeah uhm yeah#i think humans are so unbelievably interesting and it's all just so fascinating and and and#also i've awakened to the fact i really like sharks i think they're very cute! i still prefer dolphins though#people who hurt animals make me really angry and sad... i think about it and already want to cry#i have never had a pet but my grandparents had lots and it's funny how memory works. i forgot they once had a pet turtle#until something in a school group project involved my group involving a pet turtle in our storyline for something#and then i remember that past. my past. once again. and clearly even! and... yeah#but yeah... i know i will never abandon my pet if ever i do get a pet. or pets. i would never do that and i really know this is a fact with#all my heart but what's stopping me from getting a pet is that i need to take better care of myself first and learn how to take care of#pets! i think where i live there's actually an opportunity for me to do so. i'll try to see more about that. and hmm... this is a really#busy year for school. and then the next. and then tbh everything onwards from 2023 so... i don't want to put time to something#i'm not even sure if i can really make time for. but. i think i really do want a pet! a dog esp. but also a cat. but a dog esp#bcs i've always wanted one !! i know when it comes to something i really want i am very dedicated and passionate#like how i already calculated xiv expenses months before actually got the game? and planned how me and lune would do things too#and then because i want to handle money better and take note of all that i yeah and yeah and yeah im tired of typing now BYE#will now disappear again after rambling quite a lot ^__^ maybe? maybe not? who knows!#my thoughts are so. whack. wack? idk. but uhm yeah it went from ocs to sharks to pets to money and idk huh#man w some things i'm really shy about being perceived or asked about. like my ocs. egbhebgjhbjehs ;;;;;#and people being nice to me T__T sorry i rlly appreciate it but i can't really comprehend it and my coping mechanism is avoidance
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Gojo Satoru x pregnant!reader
protective!Satoru, fluff, a lil angst, mention of feeling guilty, implied heavy symptoms experienced by the reader
"it's ok, baby. i've got it." Satoru says as he approaches your slouched form over the sink, washing the dishes as you try to get something done and make yourself useful.
you've been feeling guilty during the past month or so, feeling like you were a burden to him, thinking that you would never live up to his expectations. now he has to take care of you. and as time goes by, it will get even worse as your pregnancy progresses. but he's a busy man with heavy responsibilities. you'd be only holding him back. you torture yourself with these thoughts every day.
"oh, thanks. i'll go clean up the living room and do the laundry then." you respond with a forced smile, trying to mask the guilt that's been gnawing at you for a while as you try to keep yourself from falling over out of dizziness.
"what? no, wait! i'll do it after i wash the dishes. you go get some rest. you've done enough." he retorts while gently grabbing your arm, voice slightly raised to stop you immediately.
he is in utter disbelief at your behavior. you should be resting right now, tucked in beneath the soft sheets peacefully. you shouldn't worry your pretty little head about anything, he thinks.
"i haven't done anything all day." you utter in a faintly frustrated tone, mostly at yourself.
"and that's exactly how it should be." he replies with a nod, "now go to bed before i drag you there myself." he adds, maintaining a playful tone, a soft smile adorning his features as he drinks in your beauty. you're already glowing. but considering how observant he is, he senses your discomfort immediately like he can actually feel the gloom and sorrow you're feeling right now like a mother hen.
"what is it, baby? tell me." he murmurs as he walks up to you and pulls you into him by your hips, shining blue eyes staring at you as he awaits a response.
his hand rests on your side as the other cups your jaw, his thumb swiping over your cheek that could be dampened any moment now as you feel tears threatening to spill.
"i'm so sorry." you whisper breathily, voice slightly quivering with the lump in your throat as you look up into his glowing eyes.
"for what?" he asks, confusion evident on his features.
"for being weak. i'm so sorry to disappoint you." you finally spill out the words that have been weighing heavily on your chest as the tears cascade down your glossy eyes.
"disappoint me? i don't understand... why are you crying, love?" he mutters with a shake of his head, his confusion growing even more by your words as his fingers swipe over your cheeks to wipe away the stray tears.
"you're literally the strongest and you're stuck with me. i'm barely even showing yet and i'm feeling extreme fatigue. i've been sleeping all day for the past month cause i can't do anything. and because of the symptoms, i'll probably have to quit my job." you ramble about the thoughts that have been pulling you down all this time.
"wait, wait, wait! how long have you been feeling like this?" he questions with widened eyes baring into your soul.
"eversince we found out i was pregnant. i can't stop feeling guilty about disappointing you." you reply quietly, almost embarrassed to admit it. of course you know you're being irrational. it's all natural to be tired during this time and need help, but you just can't help it.
"you've been feeling like this all this time and you didn't tell me anything?" he blurts out almost too aggressively to his liking, "sorry. didn't mean it to come out that way." he quickly apologizes after witnessing the slight flinch on your part.
how could he not see it? you've been trying to do the chores like regular, pushing yourself to your limit both in the house and on your job until he swoops in and takes the weight off your shoulders. now he starts to blame himself for not finding out sooner and letting you wallow in your own sadness and guilt all alone.
"you're not weak, baby. you're doing the one thing that i can't possibly ever do. the one thing that the strongest can't do. and what does that make you? huh? you're literally the strongest of all, babe. i can't even fathom what you're going through and you're doing amazing-", "i'm barely functioning." you cut him off.
"i'm not done yet, babe." he says playfully before continuing, "you're doing amazing, honey. you sleep not because you can't do anything else but because you need it. you're carrying our child for fuck's sake. a literal human's life is growing inside you and of course it takes its toll on you. and i'm right here beside you every step of the way." he finishes his loving speech with a tender kiss on your forehead as his strong arms wrap around your now slightly shaking form as you sob, utterly moved by his words and also the hormones.
"thank you, Satoru. i really appreciate it. you always know what to say when i'm feeling down." your words are cut off by loud sobs but he patiently waits for you to finish as he rubs your back soothingly while nuzzling his face in your neck.
"any time, baby. i love you." he whispers in your ear, "i love you too, toru." you say back, continuing to sob in his arms for a while before you eventually calm down and he guides you to bed, encouraging you to take some much-needed rest.
"and don't worry about your job. you can take some time off or quit altogether. i have more than enough to pay for our family and the next generations to come-", "ok, stop bragging!" you chuckle, "i'm just saying, baby. i've been dying to spoil you. now's my chance. let me take care of you. you don't have to go through this alone. in fact, i won't even let you." he chuckles lightly and crashes his lips onto yours, pulling away with a loud smack as you both lay in bed, limbs tangled together, "you already spoil me." you mention with a slight pout, "and i'm gonna do it even more. you deserve it, baby. don't worry about anything. i've got it." he says while softly caressing your cheek, admiring your glowing beauty illuminated by the faint bedside light.
you slowly start to feel the sleep creeping in and drift away into a slumber as you mumble a quiet 'thank you', curling into Satoru's side as he holds you so lovingly while you think to yourself how you've been blessed with the best, most loving and supportive partner anyone could ever ask for.
#gojo#gojo satoru#satoru gojo#gojo x reader#satoru x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x you#satoru gojo x reader#gojo x you#gojo x y/n#jujutsu gojo#jjk gojo#jjk fanfic#jjk fluff#jjk x reader#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#gojo fluff#anime
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