#that make the resolution and also the fact that they Stay together through it more engaging. thats just me though

[verflares]

the other thing abt shipping they'll never tell you is that its funny and Engaging when theyre messy. YOU think its a problem they're exhibiting symptoms of toxic codependency or have communication problems. not me though

[jjngkook7]

Choices (6)

Werewolf Au! Jungkook x Reader / Enemies to Lovers [Angst and mature content. Not smut but almost smut.]

Summary: Jungkook finally found her. His mate. His lifelong partner. But she’s a human. Does he have to stay with her or can he stick it to whatever and whoever binds mates together and make his own decision? ***THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR PATIENCE. I PROMISE I WON'T MAKE YOU WAIT THIS LONG AGAIN***

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5

You rang in the new year with some coworkers. The night was a blur of lights, laughter and music. Despite being a lightweight, you didn’t get as drunk as you thought, in fact, you were barely tipsy. It was hard to have fun when your reality didn’t even feel real. You had all the ingredients to drink your heart out: you met who was supposed to be your soulmate, you find out that mythical creatures are real and your best friend in the whole world has been hiding all of this from you for a year. To add more salt to the wound, Jennie spent Christmas and New Years with the pack. Sad wasn’t quite the right word for how you felt, maybe confused or disoriented? You had been in a haze since the last time you saw everyone trying to figure out if the past weeks were real or not.

After Jungkook dropped you back off at the cabin, Namjoon decided that you should leave for your safety. Apparently having someone as unpredictable as Jungkook free from his chains while his mate was hanging out with other men was not a good idea even after you told Namjoon that Jungkook actually saved your life. Namjoon took you home that night and advised you to keep your distance for a while. He seemed sad when he dropped you off and truth be told, you were kind of sad too. You had a fondness for Namjoon because he was the one that made you feel sane and safe throughout this whole journey. You would miss your friendship with him and everyone else.

Your phone pinged, reeling you out of your thoughts. You thew it towards the edge of your bed when you saw that it was just one of those annoying marketing texts. Your eyes then glided towards the Christmas card on your nightstand as it did almost everyday; it was the one artifact you had proving that everything you went through was real. Everyone from the pack had signed the card, all except for one. You reached for the card and ran your fingertips over the glitter covered snowman on the front page. I wonder how he’s doing. Embarrassed didn’t even begin to explain how you felt. You felt like a fool, an actual idiot for still wondering about Jungkook’s wellbeing when he couldn’t even write his name on a stupid Christmas card for you-he probably laughed when Namjoon asked him to contribute. With one last read through of the card, you placed it under your bed and made never thinking about Jungkook again as your new year’s resolution.

__________________________________

Maybe because there was no one to talk to about your new year’s resolution in full but getting over Jungkook was pretty easy. You hadn’t spoken to anyone in the pack in over a month and the memories of them become less and less clear by the day. Was it Jin that helped you with your injuries or Yoongi? Was it Namjoon that drove you home or did Hoseok tag along also? And did you actually feel sparks when Jungkook touched you or was it just your imagination? Either way, it felt good to feel less crazy. It was only when you and Jennie hung out that everything would hit you like a freight train. Seeing her was bittersweet. You were so happy to spend time with your best friend despite your guys’ schedule but you couldn’t help this building of resentment in your chest at the same time. Anger and guilt gnawed at you so raw that replying to her texts took hours to do. Luckily, both of you were so busy with work that seeing each other was few and far between.

One thing you had a really hard time forgetting was the night you had to leave. After Jungkook asked you to wait, you sat by his side and watched him catch his breath. It was hard seeing someone in so much pain despite the lack of physical wounds. Once Jungkook seemed to have a grip on himself, he told you to sit as far away from him as possible while he sat on the other side of the cabin. You remembered feeling like you were naked under his red gaze, like he could see every single movement you made. Jungkook told you that it wasn’t safe for you to leave yet and that you had to wait for a little bit. Unbeknownst to you, Jungkook couldn’t have you leave just yet. A wolf in the midst of his heat finally meeting his mate after being kept away from them was like a ticking time bomb. Jungkook needed to engulf your scent and calm his mind before letting you go back to a cabin full of fully grown men. He was surprised that you complied and that you kept your composure. Sure, he noticed your trembling hands and shortness of breath but you kept calm and collected. Jungkook needed to direct his attention to something else-anything- and so the small talk began. It started off with what you did for work and ended with Jungkook shit talking his pack mates. When Jungkook felt sane enough, he insisted he carry you home to be safe. You remember flinching when a low growl escaped from Jungkook when you hooked your arms around his neck. You felt his body shake as you wrapped your legs around his waist. It took a minute before he was able to hoist you up and get going. You remembered him being gentle and asking if you were all right the whole way back to the cabin. You remembered him letting you down a couple meters in front of the cabin because Namjoon would’ve killed him if he saw Jungkook and you together.

“Are you going to be okay?” you asked.

Jungkook offered you a nod, his bright red eyes doing the soft smile on his face an injustice. Perhaps it was the darkness playing tricks on your eyesight but Jungkook looked bigger. His muscles were more toned, his hair was thicker and his overall aura was just larger. You felt embarrassed drooling over his physique like some school girl despite almost dying a couple hours ago. Namjoon’s voice from inside the cabin redirected your guys’ attention and you suddenly remembered that it was below freezing outside.

“I-I’m going to go inside now,” you reached out your hand to give Jungkook’s arm a reassuring squeeze but retracted remembering how much he ordered you to not touch him, “goodnight.”

To your surprise, Jungkook reached out instead and caressed your face with both his hands. You closed your eyes and leaned into his touch pathetically. Jungkook left out an exhale of both relief and frustration. Every ounce of control he had was quickly slipping through his fingers. He was teetering towards the edge of danger with you right now. You opened your eyes to see Jungkook watching you but not like he did before. Just a couple of hours ago, you felt like a prey under his gaze. This time, he was looking at you like how Taehyung looked at Jennie.

“Do me a favor?” he asked, his voice almost hoarse.

You nodded and scrunched your eyebrows. What could you possibly do for him? Jungkook felt his stomach drop knowing what he was going to ask of you. The warmth that happened when you guys touched intensified as Jungkook brought your body closer to his. He knew he only had a couple minutes to relish your touch before his heat and his reality would take over again.

“I need you to forget about this night,” he finally said. Although subtle, he felt your pressure lift from his hands. “I need you to forget about me, about my pack, about everything. Make it like I never even existed, and I’ll do the same. Trust me, it’s for the best.”

As cruel as his words already were, Jungkook then sealed it by pressing his lips against yours. You couldn’t help but gasp which, he happily swallowed. A surge of electricity pulsed through you as he deepened the kiss. The heat from his body immediately making you forget how cold it was. As gentle as he was, you remembered his body began to tremble and the slight sting against your bottom lip when his fangs unsheathed.

And that was all you wanted to remember. Perhaps you were a masochist. Of all the memories you chose to forget, you just couldn’t let go of this particular one; no one ever really completes their new year’s resolution anyways. You knew you would never get an answer but it didn’t matter anymore. Every time Jennie saw you, she'd try to ask about Jungkook but you would either change the subject or give her vague answers. You didn't want to know more than you already did.

“Goodnight, Sooyoung!” you chimed.

“Goodnight,” Sooyoung replied with a sympathetic smile, “you should leave soon.”

“I will!” you lied, “see you tomorrow morning.”

Sooyoung hovered by your desk for a few more seconds before heading towards the elevator. It was common for you to stay after work but not for this long. You waved at Sooyoung until the elevator doors finally closed. When you were certain that there was no one else in the office, you closed the document you were pretending to work on and slumped against your chair. A tired sigh left your mouth as you roughly ran your hands against your face. Just as you were accepting your new reality, the past week and a half had you re-questioning your sanity. Being at home recently felt eerie. You were constantly checking over your shoulder and hesitant to sleep with your bedroom door closed. The nightmares you were having didn’t help either. Night after night, you would see the same things in your dream: rogue wolves chasing you and a Jungkook bleeding out to top it off. You’d jolt awake in the middle of the night and could only fall back asleep after taking melatonin. With the nightmares being a daily occurrence, the melatonin had stopped taking effect and you were left trying to calm your racing heart on your own. To your disdain, the only place you felt safe was at work. Your office was high up on the 25th floor and security here was pretty strict. You concluded that your paranoia was from these nightmares but those moments when you felt like someone was watching you felt too real to blame on lack of sleep. You put your head down against your desk and stared at the time displayed on your computer. It was nearing 7:45 and you promised yourself that you’d leave at 8pm. As the minutes ticked by, you tried to come up with some sort of game plan to combat another inevitable sleepless night.

____________________________________

“Jungkook!” Taehyung shouted as he kicked over a half conscious rogue towards Jungkook.

Jungkook caught it mid air and slammed it down onto the ground before ripping its head off. With that being the last rogue, Jungkook and pack were able to finally catch their breath as they examined the graveyard of torn limbs by their feet.

“Where the fuck are they coming from?” Hoseok panted.

Namjoons eyes wavered as he studied the carcasses on the ground. He had no answer for Hoseok. Rogue wolves attack here and there but never had he seen such great numbers. Their appearance usually coincided with the phases of the moon but recently, their attacks had been random and in hoards. He did notice that they foolishly always went for Jungkook first. As strong as Jungkook was, he was not invincible. Namjoon had also taken note of how haggard and tired his pack was from fighting almost everyday. If they didn't find an answer anytime soon, he feared that he would lose a pack member.

Everyone turned their head towards the trees when they heard a branch snap. In the distance, Jungkook caught a flash of white teeth and familiar pitch black eyes.

“I got it!” Jungkook shouted, before running after the rogue.

He was fucking exhausted. He really hoped that this was the last one because he was losing strength and fast. These recent attacks only fuelled his anger because if he had mated with someone of his species, he would’ve tripled in strength by now.

A yelp emitted from the rogue when Jungkook finally caught up and grabbed its legs. Jungkook swung the rogue against a tree, breaking its ribs in the process. As the creature whimpered against the ground, Jungkook winced when he saw that it was laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Jungkook sneered, angry that it was still breathing.

The creature seemed to be mumbling a familiar word over and over again but Jungkook couldn’t figure out what it was saying. Another yelp came out from the rogue as Jungkook kicked its face in. He crouched down and grabbed the creature by its scruff.

“Speak up!” He demanded.

Despite his impressive experience fighting rogues, Jungkook still had a hard time getting used to the disturbing ways these creatures moved and laughed even though they were near death. This rogue had its jaw kicked in and its tongue was hanging out due to the lack of the bottom half of its face. The grip Jungkook had on it tightened when it continued mumbling. Just as he was about to lose his patience trying to unscramble the creatures jargon, Jungkook finally put together what it was mumbling. The rogue seemed to notice the shift in Jungkook’s eyes and laughed even louder.

“I bet she’d taste so good too.” were its last words before Jungkook ripped out its heart.

Jungkook had to get back to Namjoon and let him know what happened.

It was mumbling your name this whole time.

The living room was quiet as the pack tended to their wounds. Jin went around ensuring that everyone was treating their injuries correctly even if it was just a little scratch.

"You need to clean it." Jin sighed, looking at the deep cut on Jungkook's forearm. The cut was his own fault. As Jungkook was ripping the rogues heart out, his arm got caught in the creatures ribs and it carved his arm as he was pulling it out of its chest.

"Just leave it, Jin." Jungkook grumbled, swatting Jin's worried hands away.

Namjoon and Jin exchanged glances, both annoyed and worried about the youngest member but Namjoon didn't have time to adhere to Jungkook's attitude. Thankfully, no one was seriously hurt but who knew when the rogues would come back to attack again.

"So," Yoongi said, sucking his teeth in the process, "anyone here knows what they want?"

Jungkook wanted to hear his members theories before jumping the gun because maybe the rogue was toying with Jungkook or maybe it wasn't even saying your name at all. The silence that followed confirmed Jungkook's fear. No matter what Jungkook did, he just couldn't seem to get away from you. All eyes were on Jungkook when he suddenly cursed.

"They're after her." Jungkook said, his fingers pinching his nose bridge.

"Who?" Jimin asked.

"His mate." Taehyung's grin only grew when Jungkook glared at him.

Amidst Jimin's surprise and the symphony of swear words thrown back and forth between the members, Namjoon felt his heart sink as a wave of deja vu hit him. The younger one failed to notice the sadness in the leaders eyes as he berated his pack mates who were teasing him with swear words.

"They're not after her," Namjoon finally spoke, breaking the fight, "Jungkook, they're after you and then her. They know that you'd go after them if they kill her before you mark her. They're after you first to get you out of the picture. As long as she's unmated, they're going to keep coming."

Namjoon felt a lump grow in his throat as realization washed over each member. All eyes slowly turned towards Jungkook who had his fists balled up. The pressure from his fists made his blood seep out from the cut on his forearm. Why did he have to deal with this? How come you were still intertwined with him despite being away for over a month? What did he have to fucking do to get rid of you for good?

"T-this could be different, Namjoon." Jungkook stammered, his mind moving too quick for his mouth to catch up.

"Jungkook listen to me," Namjoon said picking his words carefully as he approached Jungkook, "only you can stop this. We can't fend them off forever."

Jungkook grit his teeth and felt his breath labour. This wasn't fair. He didn't choose this and it seemed like life wasn't planning on giving him too many options either. Jungkook began to replay the conversation he had with Namjoon after he first discovered you. The blood from Jungkook's cut was now staining his pants as he remembered what Namjoon said about how strong humans were. What a fucking joke.

"I am stopping this! Who here in this room has killed more rogues than me? Huh? Who?!" Jungkook bursted.

Jungkook's brown eyes had now turned into a dark red shade.

"Killing them one will send ten. Killing ten will send a hundred. Killing a hundred will send a thousand. You have the responsibility to save her life," Namjoon argued tiredly, "look at your brothers. Look at you! We are not immortal, Jungkook."

Jungkook jumped up from his seat and grabbed his hair. His ears were now ringing. His responsibility?! He hadn't even marked you yet, why were you now his responsibility? He couldn't help but laugh aloud by how absurd everything and everyone was sounding. You had stolen what seemed like everything away from him-his freedom, his bodily functions and now even his morals. You kept taking from him and now you were his responsibility?

"Jungkook please," Jin pleaded, "can you please put your own ego aside and make a good choice for once in your life?"

Jungkook turned towards Jin and snarled, "Remind me who saved your fucking life just 20 minutes ago? If I hadn't ran to you in time, you would've been shredd-"

"Enough!" Namjoon yelled, "Whether you like it or not, her life is in your hand-"

"I will not be responsible for her death like you were for Irene!"

Within a second, Jungkook was slammed against the wall. His right cheek was throbbing and his nose bloodied. He wasn't sure if he had finished his sentence but the right hook from Namjoon answered that question for him. Before Jungkook could orient himself, Namjoon grabbed Jungkook by the neck and trapped him against the wall again.

"You will never utter her name in that context again do you understand?" Namjoon asked through gritted teeth.

Jungkook licked his lower lip, the taste of his own blood filling his mouth as he did.

"Do you understand?!" Namjoon bellowed, shaking Jungkook.

"Y-yes." Jungkook finally answered.

The older one finally let go but not without giving Jungkook one final shove.

"Have a better attitude tomorrow morning or you fend for yourself from now on." Namjoon threatened before disappearing into his study.

Jungkook kept his eyes on the floor as his members stood around staring at him. Jungkook could only count on one hand how many times he felt ashamed in life, he would now have to count on two hands after tonight. His members didn't say a word to him as they retreated back to their rooms one by one. Taehyung lingered for a little bit longer. He wanted to ring Jungkook out but decided to leave him to sulk all alone. Jungkook watched his blood drip from his nose onto his sweater. Would dying by some disgusting creatures be better than surrendering to fate? One thing was for sure, Jungkook would rather die with his brothers than alone. He turned his head towards the end of the hallway where Namjoon's study was. The searing pain from his broken nose was nothing compared to what he just said to Namjoon.

Namjoon had his head buried in his hands as Jungkook's words echoed in his mind. It had been years since Irene's death but it still pained him like it happened yesterday. He knew the younger one was speaking out of anger but if he only knew how much Namjoon did blame himself.

"You know, I couldn't even mourn her after she died. I think I finally did after three months." Namjoon spoke.

Jungkook figured it was probably the smell from all his blood that alerted Namjoon to his presence. He cautiously walked towards Namjoon and sat in front of him.

"Her death was the first out of the two times I ever regretted taking leadership of our pack." Namjoon continued, looking up to meet the younger ones sad gaze.

"And the second?" Jungkook asked, his voice barely audible.

"Tonight." Namjoon replied.

Jungkook let the uncomfortable silence engulf him. He stared at the picture of Irene resting on the bookshelf behind Namjoon and felt remorse like he had never before. Irene was Namjoon's mate. For years, Namjoon refused to mark her not because he didn't want to-because he did-but because he was afraid of bringing Irene in his world. He thought the best way to protect her was to keep her away. Jungkook had never seen someone love another person the way Namjoon loved Irene. He doted on her and gave her anything she ever wanted, everything except for one. Irene had begged and begged Namjoon to make her his official mate but he always rejected her advances. By the time Namjoon decided to turn a new leaf, it was too late. If Namjoon had marked her, he would've been stronger and maybe could've fought off the pack of rogues. That day, Jungkook and the pack were out hunting. When they came back, the cabin they had built had been ripped apart. The image of Namjoon carrying Irene's bloody body in his arms as he wept and called out her name was forever imprinted in Jungkook's brain. Namjoon's physical state was no better and if they hadn't returned when they did, they would've lost their leader too. Irene was one of the strongest people Jungkook knew. She was brave, unwavering and quick witted. Before Jin met Mina, it was Irene nursing everyone back to health after a fight and braving the forest to find medicine. Irene was strong and she was human.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean what I said and I shouldn't have said that," Jungkook apologized tearing his eyes away from Irene, "I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

Namjoon smiled. Although brash and somewhat arrogant, Jungkook always meant well at the end of the day. He couldn't even count how many brawls Jungkook got into because someone slightly badmouthed a member of the pack.

"Please, your life will probably end in the next few minutes with the amount of blood you're losing. Just let me punch the other side of your face and we can call it even." Namjoon joked.

Jungkook scoffed and wiped his nose. He really was losing a lot of blood.

"Jungkook, I couldn't save Irene but you have a chance here. Learning to love someone...don't you think that's better than losing someone," Namjoon wanted to laugh when he saw Jungkook flinch at the word 'love', "and if you can't do it for her, do it for me. For Irene."

Jungkook swallowed the lump in his throat, "I-I don't know if I can mark her right away, you have to give me some time."

Namjoon nodded understandingly.

"But I promise," Jungkook sucked in a breath, "I'll protect her with my life."

[teambyler]

Everything after Mike's monologue shows that El has moved on from Mike

After the climactic events of season 4 including Mike's monologue, we have ZERO scenes between El and Mike talking about what happened. And we're never explicitly shown what she's thinking: we have to pick it up through clues.

Here are ALL the significant things El does afterward that give us any clue of what she thinks about their relationship.

Mike tells El to "wake up," and then El says (while looking at Max) "No... You're not going... No." The first "no" can also be a direct response to Mike. She is choosing not to go back to Mike and to help Max:

Of course, she wants to save Max's life. But her "no" becomes more significant when we see her thoughts while saving Max. She remembers her s3 friendship with Max, where she found herself happier dumping Mike and becoming independent. Max told her about ANOTHER female superhero Wonder Woman, said "Not Hopper, not Mike, YOU... There's more to life than stupid boys... Against the rules? We make our own rules":

We then time jump to 2 days later. Mike and El are sitting next to each other in the van, but they don't interact.

When they visit Max at the hospital, El puts her head on Mike's shoulder and he puts his arm around her. This is the ONLY expression of closeness we see between them after the monologue. Even here, both of El's arms hang at her sides:

But in this and later scenes we see Mike having more interactions with Will than with El. When Lucas says the doctors thought it was a "miracle" Max came back to life, Will and Mike have the same thought -- that El saved her -- but they look immediately at each other first instead of El. El, meanwhile, hadn't shared that Max almost died (and what she had done to save her) with Mike. She doesn't look at him. (Thanks to @romainlettusdinnerparty for pointing this out)

While cleaning Hopper's cabin, El tellingly closes the door after entering her old room, immediately after glancing at Mike and Will together. (There is no reason to close a door when you're cleaning a musty old house!) We find out that she has barely been talking to Mike:

Finally, the last scene. The three of them walk out onto the field side by side. Mike and Will stop at the same time. El walks forward ahead of the other two. Mike doesn't follow his girlfriend and stays by Will:

Since this is the very last scene and there's no dialogue, it's fair to say that what we're seeing visually will foreshadow events in the next season. She is walking ahead into the rotting part of the field (the Upside Down?). And she is moving away from Mike, and Mike is choosing to stay with Will. Mike and Will aren't holding hands, but they're BREATHING IN SYNC.

To drive things home, she sees the EXACT same kind of flowers that Mike picked for El and gave her at the airport, the yellow and purple flowers:

... But now they're wilted... a very on-your-nose symbol of their relationship. She holds on to the wilted flower while looking at the devastation in Hawkins. This reflects and foreshadows her personal journey:

The only other reading of these final images is that she will defend what is good -- Hawkins -- from Vecna. But the chosen symbol is too associated with Mike's bouquet. It can't be her protecting their relationship from Vecna. It has never been threatened by external threats. (In fact, facing shared danger from the "bad men," etc. brought them together.) Their relationship has corroded from within.

The absence of ANY scene between Mike and El post-monologue is startling. We get MANY scenes in the epilogue where we see how the main characters now relate to each other. El and Will hug Dustin, we see that Robin and Vickie might enter a relationship, heck we even see how Mike and Hopper regard each other. But for Mileven, where THE arc this season has been "Will Mike say he loves El?" we get no resolution!

Instead, we get implications and symbols. And everything makes clear that Mike and Will have grown closer, while Mike and El have grown more distant.

This, AFTER Mike said what El told her he needed to say for their relationship to work out! If anything, it made El MORE distant. As if El realized that isn't what she wants after all... unlike early in s4, El is now hardly relating to Mike whatsoever.

Mileven is a sinking ship. But that doesn't mean Mike and El must end up unhappy.

-teambyler

[animatedjen]

What's some stuff you're really hoping to see in Jedi 3 (either narratively or gameplay wise)?

Oh I'm so glad you asked this 🙌 Because I have THOUGHTS.

Gonna put everything under the cut so this doesn't clog up the feed with a wall of text (whoops.) Some of these ideas I hope to create concept art for, after I replace/fix my very cranky thirteen-year-old tablet. Anyway let’s start with gameplay!

Gameplay!

Maintaining Cal's abilities: Survivor handled this beautifully by keeping many of the skills learned in Fallen Order, instead of undoing Cal's growth from the first game. I think it'll be trickier to keep this momentum into Jedi 3 (the skill tree has gotten so large!) but story reasons could push Cal towards new types of abilities instead of bloating the current options.

More synergy between the lightsaber stances: I like all the stances in Survivor and it'd be A) disappointing to lose any of them, but B) overwhelming to add MORE combat styles. Being able to flow between the stances more fluidly would be fun though, with specific combos unlocked depending on which two are active together. Now if Merrin lets Cal borrow her knife-staff and he puts his lightsaber on the end... MAGICK SABER PIKE GO.

New or adapted movement mechanics: Maybe the ascension cable is replaced with a force ability (Force Ascend or Force Leap for an extra vertical boost?) or is "upgraded" to connect between two anchors, letting Cal create his own temporary ziplines.

Replayable missions: This could be explained in-game with a Force Tear or Cal's own interactive echoes. But I'd love the option to experience story missions and boss fights again post-game.

Customization!

This is a bonus section because Merrin should get new outfits. Haven't decided how to make it part of gameplay yet, stay tuned.

Cal's cosmetics in Survivor are mostly cool, some just funny, but overall a huge improvement from Fallen Order (yes, even though we miss all the poncho designs). For Jedi 3 I'd love to see more story-centric cosmetics that tie into the communities and people Cal has met along his journey. A Legacy outfit (incorporating pieces from his three Jedi masters), an Anchorite-inspired outfit (with arm tattoos), a bounty hunter outfit (the prize after defeating the Brood), etc. Maybe a Bogling outfit? No not made from Boglings; it looks like a Bogling. Hang on lemme fix my tablet—

Narrative + Gameplay!

Explore Tanalorr: Right now this sparkly, strong-in-the-Force, temple-carved planet is a huge mystery box for Jedi 3. There's a few directions it could go - more High Republic history, another civilization (the Nihil? someone new?) lurking in the shadows, or Force-related secrets hiding below the surface. Each Jedi game has followed Cal's exploration of an ancient culture, and I think Tanalorr can be a focal point in that journey.

Defeat Sorc Tormo and the Haxion Brood: I mentioned this in an ask earlier this week, but I so want a resolution to this fight against the Brood. Especially since roaming bounty hunters would threaten the Hidden Path. Maybe Cal breaks back into Ordo Eris, or hunts down Sorc Tormo on another planet. Maybe there's a Force-only stealth section?? Maybe a big multi-wave boss fight? Maybe Caij is there??? (no she doesn't get an invite to Tanalorr)

Dark Side Force Slow: The fact that Cal's Force Slow ability kept its red-stained aura, even in the Survivor post-game, is great. I love lasting consequences and ludonarrative harmony, yes yes yes. Really hope this isn't fully resolved by the start of Jedi 3 (potential timeskip makes it tricky but whatever) and the ability receives some sort of healing through Cal finding his way out of the darkness.

Narrative!

Timeskip?: I vote no, but I think Jedi 3 will vote yes, likely to age up Kata and allow Tanalorr to be more developed. But that also means Cal and the Mantis Crew goes through character development without us (boo) or remains emotionally stunted until we get there (also boo?). I'm more comfortable with the five year gap between FO and Survivor than I used to be though, despite "missing out" on big character moments, so maybe it'll be okay. Maybe. 👀

The Hidden Path builds a home on Tanalorr: This works until it doesn't, whether from outside pressure or the threat of a spy within. I don't think Bode's fears should necessarily be validated, but I do think the risk will keep Cal on edge and hurt his ability to trust (both others and himself.) It'll drive decisions that strain his relationships and be a source of conflict for part of the game.

The Mantis gets semi-retired and then reinstated: I just love the mental picture of the Mantis parked somewhere cozy and decorated with cloth and lights and a hideout for Kata. It's become too small and high profile to use for gathering the Path, but when the plot gets going, they're gonna need her back in action.

Three main antagonists: The Empire, an unrelated third-party with their own goals (Nihil or someone else), and Cal's own demons. The first two drive the external conflict, the third drives Cal's inner conflict and the story's themes. More on that at the end.

A memorial garden: It's designed by Pili and filled with native Tanalorrian plants and trees, from which the Anchorites hang cords and windchimes and bits of colored glass. Cere's saber was buried beneath the largest tree. Cal plays her hallikset here when he's too troubled to meditate. If we want to be mean, this place gets damaged during a battle in Act 3. If we want to be less mean, this is the place that doesn't get damaged during a battle.

Kata has some sort of student-teacher relationship with Cal: I'm torn on her being Force sensitive: this is a story about Jedi and "guide her through the darkness" is pretty telling given Cal's own darkness at the end of Survivor. But Cal helping Kata (and Kata helping Cal) can happen regardless of her Force sensitivity - it would just look different. This is a soft answer because I'm still exploring ideas around it BUT admittedly the angst levels would be higher if she is sensitive.

A battle against the shadow self: Look this one is cliche. I don't care. I want a huge cavern in the depths of Tanalorr where Cal gets to fight a dark version of himself that switches between all his former enemies. If we're making a video game here let's physically beat up our darkness. Let's have it not work. Let's bring Cal to rock bottom to remind him that he is more than his darkness and he doesn't have to do this alone. Let's go back to that same fight later and then we finally win.

There's more to explore story-wise and I will eventually, but I'm overall not concerned about Jedi 3's narrative. Respawn has been very intentional with their writing of Cal Kestis and the Jedi series so far (despite some last minute changes to Survivor) and I love this character and this story because of all the great work they've created. I really hope they finish this journey the way they want to. That being said—

How should Jedi 3 end? Should Cal die?

No: I'll argue Cal dying at the end of the trilogy completely undermines the entire lesson of Survivor.

Cal wouldn't stop fighting the Empire: The Cal we meet at the beginning of Survivor definitely wouldn't. That Cal also watched countless friends die to that same fight and saw two different Jedi fall to their passions-turned-obsessions that led them to the dark side. He may wrestle with remnant obligation or a bitter apathy, but he's definitely not as single-minded as he was before.

Cal would sacrifice himself to save the Path: Yeah, he probably would. Cere did exactly that during the Siege of Jedha when all else failed. But maybe the Path could be protected without Cal needing to be a Weapon - a lesson Cere also wanted him to learn.

Another way: I think the Koboh abyss (that separates Tanalorr from the rest of the galaxy) could be destroyed. I don't know if Cal would choose to destroy it, but I think the Empire would: if they can't reach Tanalorr it's the next best thing.

Now Cal has to make a choice: Leave (continuing the fight alone) or Stay (shepherding the Path for an unknown future.) It doesn't mean they never find a way back to the known galaxy, but it'll take time. Enough time for a New Hope to appear.

Whatever your opinion of the Sequel Trilogy, the line: "That’s how we’re gonna win. Not fighting what we hate. Saving what we love." is not only a complete thesis of Star Wars, but fits really well with Cal's journey. He's become very good at fighting. He wants to save everyone in Fallen Order, and he can't. He still wants to save everyone in Survivor, and they refuse him. His Fight has made a difference (again, Cere says as much) but it's clear this can't be Cal's final answer.

Choosing to protect the Path, choosing to trust the Force, choosing a home. That's what he's been fighting for. I love Cal Kestis because he isn't the chosen one and he isn't going to save the galaxy. But for his family and his community, he saved their galaxy. It's cheesy but I don't care, and you know Greez and BD would agree with me.

-

Okay this got so, so much longer than I expected. Bonus points if you made it all the way down here haha. I've had a weird assortment of concepts and ideas over the past year but never wrote them down in one place - until now. I've said it before but part of my hyperfixation with the Jedi series is because it isn't finished yet and Survivor ends on such a gut-wrenching cliffhanger. Whatever happens to this series, I'm slowly finding some sort of catharsis through all the edits and photomode shots and half-baked concepts. Thanks for tagging along ✌️

[everythingmp3]

my angel, my sin

adult!Van x fem!reader

after nearly three decades of being together, Van has accepted that things aren’t going to change for her and Tai, resigned to the fact that there is no point in fighting their doomed fate. that is until she meets you.

authors note: I did something a little different with this one bc I wanted to explore a taivan fail marriage (love them both but they would be insane as wives) and what might happen if someone else entered the picture, so there’s a good amount of plot. also I’ll be real, I was kinda into the idea of pillow princess Van while writing this, so yeah. I really hope you like it <3

warnings: minors dni. infidelity, smut (oral, reader giving)

word count: 10k

there is safety in a cage. there is safety in being locked in, being constrained and unfree in your movement, there is a convenient lack of choice and no need for bravery when you submit to your circumstances, when you let the days pass you by without changing a single thing, without breaking out of what is known to you, without ever fighting for more. 

something along those lines was a way of explaining why Tai and Van had stayed together for over 25 years, even when they were close to going insane together.

after getting rescued and eventually starting college, there had been numerous discussions about breaking up, about moving on, they had tried “taking a break” but it was only a matter of weeks until they got back together, slightly ashamed of their inability to live as “Tai” and “Van” instead of “Tai and Van”. it was physical, the terror they felt when they were separated, they had spent about 19 months attached at the hip, literally tied together in their sleep, so once they were free to be out in the world on their own, free to explore their desires and fantasies, everything in them told them that it was too dangerous, to sever the bond that had kept them alive out there. their relationship had been a central part of their survival, so it would have required a strength that neither of them possessed at the time: to brave through both severe and ptsd and the deep pain that their separation would have come with.

the first few years were fine, good even, they were long-distance during college, which gave them a decent amount of independence, it made it easy to avoid fights, to focus on the beautiful parts of their relationship, but once they both graduated, there was no reason not to move in together, so they did, quickly aware of just how different their ideas of a good life were, making compromises left and right that always left a bitter taste, that made them wish they could have just had the guts to go out and find new partners, ones that they could actually see eye to eye with. they married in their early thirties, once everyone around them started doing it, because not getting married would have been an admission, it would have signaled that there was a part of them that was not entirely enthusiastic about the word “forever” and if Tai and Van were one thing, it was stubborn, so they tied the knot, a fucked up irony to that symbol that did not escape them.

their stubbornness was apparent in the shared refusal to show weakness, to admit that they were unsatisfied, to throw the towel and say “I can´t do this anymore, I´m leaving”, to just be honest with each other and say it: that they were tired and needed more from life, from love, from everything. neither of them were to blame and both of them were, so naturally, they ran in circles during every single argument, never reaching any kind of resolution. 

their deep codependency and complete lack of identity outside of their union made it so that they powered through many years of marriage without giving into the idea of “maybe, just maybe, we could try being friends while we figure out who were are on our own?”. it sounded so simple in theory but it was anything but that in practice, the plain truth of it was that they were scared, even at that age, even thought over ten years had passed, there was still that deep fear that struck them at their core whenever they imagined living on their own and the thing that made it even worse was that nobody understood their unique situation because no other married couple had the baggage of having lived through horrors in the woods together as teenage girls. nobody else could have given them advice that  they´d considered helpful because nobody was able to understand just how riddled with hyper-complex feelings their relationship was. there was no example for them to follow, no couple to ask for guidance, so over time, they truly felt like they were stuck with each other in a sphere that nobody else could reach, not unlike some of the feelings they’d had in the woods, and it made a nasty resentment fester in each of them, that feeling of entrapment, of seeing no way out. it wore them out, the constant awareness that true loving companionship was not supposed to feel like bone-crushing work.

they did have their good moments, even amidst all the chaos, even twenty years in, every once in a while they spent a Sunday morning having a late breakfast, joking around laughing the way exact way they had when they were girls, sometimes they still watched films together and made snarky comments all the way through, every once in a while they found themselves in the dark, reaching for each other, not talking about it the next day, the way they´d clung to each other in the night, the way they´d monetarily slipped back into the familiar rhythm of their intimacy. still, over the years those moments had gotten less and less frequent. once they reached 40, they thought it might be time to be mature about it and try couple´s therapy, but one awful session was enough for them to vow to never return, leaving their therapist with a migraine and themselves with even more frustration to swallow. 

at that point in their life they were tired of fighting, they were tired of the drama and tired of the mess, so they fell into a routine, one where they were cordial with each other, one that was closer to a roommate situation than a marriage situation. sometimes a routine like that works so well, so neatly, so perfectly, that it eventually leads to a quiet death of the soul, unless there is a sudden shift, a rupture. 

in Van´s case, you were that rupture. 

during your first year of college, you´d gotten lucky enough to find a group of friends that were looking for a new roommate in a house that was situated in one of the nicer parts of town, a residential area that students usually couldn´t afford, one of them had family in real estate, so you took her up on the generous offer and moved in that fall. 

you´d never been the type to to spend much time talking to neighbors, but once you were aware that you lived next to a married lesbian couple, your interest was piqued. your roomates told you that they mostly talked to Van because Tai was sort of a workaholic, something about politics, which meant that you weren´t surprised when you ran into Van on her own shortly after you moved in, an evening where you both happened to come home at the same time. 

in your memory, those first few minutes of getting to know each other hadn´t been anything extraordinary. you told her what you were doing in college, she told you about her job, you exchanged a few basic facts about yourselves, nothing too exciting, but in her memory, that had already been the beginning of what was inevitably going to happen down the line. you hadn´t been aware of this but she´d had a rough day and the way you talked to her was different from the way other strangers usually did: you never broke eye contact, you gave her your full undivided attention even though you were just doing a bit of small-talk, a sweet smile and bright eyes as you listened to her, and to someone as lonely and starved for connection as Van was at that time, having someone´s full attention like that was nothing short of exhilarating. you left that interaction wanting to know much more about her, she seemed intriguing, slightly mysterious to you, something told you that there was a lot behind those eyes, and on a surface level, she was also strikingly attractive, so you found yourself hoping it wouldn´t stay at that brief encounter with her. 

neither of you had the words for it at the time, but there was an instant feeling of familiarity between you during your initial few run-ins, an ease when you laughed about something that the other person said, an honesty to your exchange that felt refreshing, like you didn´t have to to polite chit-chat but could actually put your cards on the table and be real, which made it impossible not to seek each other out again.

Van worked from home a few days a week and you only had about 10 contact hours at uni, so naturally, you saw each other again and again the following weeks, each time a little too excited, a little too eager, a little too willing to brave through wind and weather just to stay outside and talk for a while longer. one time your roommate saw you standing there and asked you when you came in what you´d been discussing with her, and you couldn´t for the life of you summarize the amount of topics you´d quickly switched between, the natural flow of your exchange that reminded you of the way you talked with close friends. 

without even realizing, your conversations turned from being a few minutes long into being fifteen minutes long, to half an hour of standing in the driveway and forgetting about the time, you chastising her for calling herself a film expert without ever having seen any of the cult classics released after the year 2000, telling her which ones to catch up on asap, which was a welcome excuse for her to start another conversation with you once she´d seen them and could tell you all of her thoughts. part of the appeal of talking to you was that you were so willing to spill details about your life to her: petty grievances you had with some of your professors, drama you´d overheard in the living room the night before, frustrating phone calls with your parents she could sympathize with as someone who’d had a fair amount of fights with her mother as a student. she loved having her mind taken off her own issues by listening to you, your funny way of putting certain things, your youthfulness, it brought out a humor in her that she´d thought of as long lost, and it charmed you, the fact that she was able to keep up, that she knew how to make you laugh, genuinely. 

she knew that she was getting herself into trouble during those weeks, she knew it, whenever you sat down with her on their front porch for a moment, whenever she felt a sting of jealousy at the mention of a girl in your life, or caught a glimpse of you sunbathing in the garden from their bedroom window, she could feel it, something way too intense bubbling beneath the surface, a pull towards you that was getting harder and harder to fight back against.

you didn´t know this but there was one specific reason why she could not stop thinking about you, why she was haunted by all of your interactions: your way of toeing the line between a tone that could be interpreted as both friendly or flirty. you hit the mark right in the middle, every single time, you were subtle with your flirting, and it made her turn the things you said to her and how you said them over in her head many times, part of her thinking “don´t be so self-absorbed, she´s just being kind” another part of her thinking “don´t be so oblivious, she clearly has a thing for you”.

during those first weeks of knowing each other you never exchanged numbers, so it became a guessing game of sorts, when you´d see each other, when you´d talk again, and somehow, the unpredictable nature of your encounters made them more thrilling, made it easier to long for more whenever you went a whole week not seeing each other, and it made both of you painfully aware of how much more you wanted, how desperately you wished you could just invite each other over, but you knew how suspicious that would have looked, the married woman inviting the young neighbor over, to “hang out”. perhaps it wouldn´t have been that big of a deal, perhaps nobody would have thought twice about it, but your shared hesitation gave away that you both knew where things would lead if you were left alone in a room for too long. 

one specific evening, the inevitable happened.

one of your roomates was out of town and the two others were out for dinner. around 9 pm you stepped outside for a moment to take out the trash and because you weren´t used to being the only person at home, you forgot to take your keys with you and the wind made the front door slam shut, leaving you locked out. you didn´t have your phone on you either, so you were left with two options: staying outside and sitting on the steps of the house until your roommates came back later that night, or asking a kind neighbor if they´d let you stay for an hour or so.

naturally, you chose the latter and there was an obvious answer as to which neighbor you would ask. it was a little calculated on your part because you knew that that was maybe your one chance of getting into their house with a clear excuse, a motif that hid your other, less innocent motif for wanting to be let into Van´s personal space. there was no way of turning you away in a situation like that, so once she opened the door and you told her about it, standing there in your loungewear, your face soft in the bit of remaining natural light, she knew she was playing with fire by telling you yes, but she couldn´t help it, it was too late, she´d have said yes to anything you wanted from her, she felt a sharp awareness of it as you walked inside and followed her to the living room, that there was nothing she would deny you if you just asked her for it, and deep down, beneath the part of her that said “no, don´t do it”, there was a much larger part that was glad that you´d come to her, that said “when was the last time you felt this alive? imagine what it would feel like, to give into her?”. 

Van led you to the living room and told you to sit and get comfortable as she got you a drink from the open kitchen, connected to the large living space, where she´d already made herself one, throwing out the fact that Tai was out of town for a conference, which was why she was home alone. the relief you felt when she said that was way too strong, and you didn´t mask it well, she caught it in your gaze as she sat down next to you, your sudden air of giddiness. you kept a safe distance between each other, but not enough to be unaware of the palpable tension, a moment of silence as you both tried to act normal, tried to find a casual way to talk to each other, while feeling your hearts beating of your chests just from sitting there together.

thankfully, the initial awkwardness subsided within minutes, you quickly fell back into your dynamic, one that was built on humor but also trust, over the weeks you´d been something like confidants to each other, enjoying the kind of honesty that was made easy by the fact that your lives were completely separate, that you had no way of spilling each other’s secrets to someone that the other person knew. neither of you ever explicitly acknowledged it but it was clear that you were both lonely in your own ways and that your connection was a way to escape that feeling.

the atmosphere of the room was nice at that hour, a few candles burning, a dim light form an expensive looking lamp in the corner of the room, a peaceful silence, the kind of atmosphere that turns conversations more intimate and personal, so you found yourselves spilling more and more about your personal lives as you kept drinking and losing your filter, absentmindedly touching each other at times, a pat on the shoulder, a touch on the arm, a thrill each time, one that made you both want more, pushing the limit of how long you could rest your hand on the other person each time. 

you´d picked up on it before, that Van hardly ever mentioned Tai, and that when she did, it was always with a slightly pained tone, “my wife” never said with much affection, so it wasn´t a secret, that they were not doing too well as a couple. that night Van told you a bit more, since she felt seen and heard by you and appreciated the fact that you never looked at her with pity, that you had a way of making off-hand jokes in the exact right moments to get her out of her spiraling thoughts. 

from what she told you, you got the sense that neither of them were truly awful people to be with romantically, that neither of them were truly intentionally hurting the other, but that they´d just gotten tangled up in a mess that was so hard to get out of after all that time that staying in it was simply the less exhausting option. at one point that night she slipped up and straight up told you “she actually cheated on me. with someone at work for a few months last year. or maybe she lied and it’s still going on, I don´t fucking know”,  that sudden confession smacked you across the face, so you just stared at her, uttering something like “oh.. I´m sorry” as she looked at you, a fragility to her expression as she continued, “and the worst thing was that I wasn´t even angry or shocked because it was so fucking obvious to me, that that would happen in our relationship eventually”, “infidelity?” you asked, which she nodded at, “yes. it was always going to happen, so in a way I didn´t even blame her because it felt so inevitable. sorry I shouldn´t  be telling you all of this, I´ll stop”. 

what you asked her next was intentional, it was not subtle at all and you knew it, but each passing moment you felt yourself growing more and more eager to touch her, so you just said it, “have you ever considered t it? cheating on her too?”. she looked at you for what felt like ages, you held her gaze, moving a little closer instinctively, holding eye-contact. Van could have answered in many ways, and chose the single worst possible response, full, uncensored honesty: “I´m considering it right now.”, her voice unwavering, her gaze back where it had been drawn way too many times already that night: your lips.

the second you processed what she´d just said, your whole body burned up, your face flushed, your breathing quickened, it came crashing over you in full force, the rush of her confession, her want out in the open. there was nothing left to say, there was no other possible response you could have given her then but to move closer to her, waiting as she reached up and touched your cheek, her lips parted in anticipation, your faces barely inches apart, until you were the one to break the last barrier, your hand on her neck to pull her into a deep kiss.

the thing that was most telling about your need for each other was that you did not pull away and wait for a reaction, from the moment your lips touched you lost all shame and kept going and going, adjusting your positions on the couch, your leg over hers, half on her lap as you both grabbed each other, tearing at each other´s clothes, panting and sighing between kisses, desperate and needy, not dignified at all in the way you got all over each other, a sloppiness to your kissing that turned sexual very quickly, touching tongues and moaning into each other´s open mouths, trying to get some sort of friction from moving your legs apart so the other could push their knee in there, a violent release of all the tension that had built up before, about 15 minutes of making out and moving against each other like that until you eventually lost your breaths and pulled away, hot and red and completely out of it, smoothing down your hair and pulling your previously discarded shirts back on as you mumbled “sorry, I´m so sorry” at least five times, unsure how to possibly move on from what had just gone down. instead of trying to find words, trying to talk about it, you hastily suggested that you should probably leave her be, since your roomates should have probably been back by then, which she agreed to, still breathing heavy and as she saw you to the door.

before you went back to your house, you both stood there at the threshold, telling yourselves that it was just a moment of weakness, that it had gotten late and that you were drunk and that you could forget all about it, you reassured each other that it was a one-time thing, nothing to lose sleep over, but of course, it wouldn´t stay at that, you both knew while saying all those things that it was complete bullshit, that you´d barely drank two glasses and definitely did not feel sorry, and definitely did not want to forget about it.  

after you left, she sat down on the staircase, head in her hands, trying to pretend that she felt guilty, trying to make herself feel bad, but only able to focus on the feeling the burn of her skin where you´d kissed her, clinging to it, the heavenly sensation of you being all hers.

the next day you woke up with an ache for her touch that you tried your best to ignore, busying yourself with cooking an elaborate dish, doing coursework, listening to music, cleaning up around the house, but by 5 pm you were done with your to-do list and had no plans to go out with friends, so you laid down and tried to take a nap because the time simply would not pass, minute after minute, dragged out by your excruciating desire to go over to her again, so around 6 pm you could not stand it anymore and accepted your culpability as you left your house to go over and follow your selfish instinct to have her again. 

the moment Van opened the door, she smiled at you in a way that said “I knew this would happen”, leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed as she looked you for a moment, taking in the sight of you before asking “locked yourself out again, hm?”, which made you smile too then, a shake of your head, a shared feeling of “what the fuck are we doing here.” as you stared at each other, unable to pretend that you felt anything but joy when she said “come in”.

the next few hours turned into a feverish haze of desire, you lost track of time entirely as you continued where you´d left off the night before, frantically undressing in the hallway before landing on the couch again, hands eagerly exploring the spots of your bodies that you hadn´t gotten to the night before. 

that evening she became addicted to you, to a degree that was beyond what she´d expected, because you read her so well that she didn´t even have to muster up the courage to ask you for what she really wanted. a few minutes into making out and caressing each other, you moved down to her legs, and for a moment it seemed like a dream to her, too good to be true, that you were doing the exact thing she´d been dying for; each time she´d imagined being with you, she hadn´t imagined fucking you but being fucked by you. the one thing that got her to finish while masturbating those days was the thought of you between her thighs, but she had not expected that you were into it, her assumption was that most younger girls would probably want her to take charge and fuck them and she would´ve done it, gladly, but the fact that you were so eager to give, to please, your lips soft on her skin as you kissed your way down her body, it made her yours, entirely. that night you switched between making out, having sex, and talking for about 3 hours until you were spent and exhausted and laughed about how beyond help you were, how you could already see it playing out, your impending affair. 

the thing that Van told you as you laid together, absentmindedly tracing the outline of each other´s exposed bodies, was that her and Tai did still have sex every once in a while, but only ever after fights. it was always an extension of their struggle for power, always rushed and aggressive, forcing orgasms out of each other so quickly that it hurt, that it felt more like a punishment than anything else, never an expression of love or of true desire, always a tool for dominance. so even though Van was not much of a top, over the years she´d started fucking Tai after particularly nasty fights, to regain the upper hand, and it always left her feeling horrible afterwards, ashamed and sad. 

some people were really into hate sex but Van had never been one of them, to truly be satisfied during sex she needed it to be sensual and passionate, she was not the type for degrading or brutal stuff, sometimes a hint of it maybe, but most of the time what she truly wanted out of intimacy was to be lovingly opened up by someone, to be tended to and worshiped, to turn soft and vulnerable in someone's hands. she loved slow kissing during sex, she loved taking her time and finishing only a good while into it, and most of all she loved being eaten out. penetration was good in certain moments for her, she did enjoy it when you kept your tongue on her while adding pressure with your fingers, but nothing pleased her more than the simple act of getting head, preferably multiple times with breaks in between, which is what ended up happening most times you were over at their place. she´d stopped letting Tai do it for her because she quite literally did not want to open up for her like that, couldn´t bear the vulnerability of it, so with you, she rediscovered the side of her that she´d tried to ignore, her deep need to submit to someone sexually, to give up control and be pleased without worrying about being perceived as weak. 

it was not that she did not enjoy pleasuring you too, sometimes when you seemed a little too satisfied with yourself after you´d made her cum twice in a row, she pushed you down and held you in place to finish you off too, sucking on your neck, on your tits while making you cum against her hand, proving to you that she was very much capable of also turning you into a whining mess, the way you usually turned her into one. sometimes you tried different things, one time she begged you to let her watch you jerk off which turned into her doing the same thing next to you, a few times you were both so in heat that you just rubbed up against each other in various ways, deeply pleased by the sight of the other person’s head falling back, the feeling of your hips moving in unison.

and yet, the one thing that made you both feel electrified the most was when you did what you´d done to her that first time you´d had sex: giving her head until she was too weak to speak, to do anything but lay there and submit to her bodies intense response to you. 

the contrast was unbearably hot to you: her tough exterior, her nonchalant and stoic aura, that melted away in an instant each time you touched her, replaced by a sensitivity and softness that drove you crazy, that made you feel protective over her in some way. on your part it also had something to do with pride, there was no way of denying it, that you got a taste for it very quickly, the unique power you had over her, the knowledge that you and you alone were giving her what she really needed, the fact that she seemed to be physically incapable of staying away from you for more than a few days. you were addicted to it the same way she was, haunted by her moans and words of praise, the way she sighed your name, the way her legs felt smooth against your face, her taste, all of it.

it wasn´t just emotional for her, for you it was also shifting things, your collision. for a good while you´d felt like you were just floating around, going from place to place without being truly tethered to anyone or anything, friendships that were fun but never that deep, no truly fulfilling romantic encounters, so the feeling of being needed on a visceral level, being a central part of someone´s life, being physically indispensable, it gave you a sense of purpose. you knew that it might have sounded absurd to others, describing fucking someone else’s wife like that, but it was true, it was giving you something that you´d been lacking, that you´d been craving. 

the affair had its own rhythm that you fell into those weeks after you first got together, there was no way you could sneak her over to your place, with at least one of your roommates always being home, so their house was the place to meet up, and Van was careless enough to invite you over whenever Tai was working late or out at some politicians dinner party, other people might have waited until their partner was out of town, to be 100% sure that they could not be caught, but Van was too desperate for you to wait that long in between, she told herself that she could always get dressed in a hurry if she randomly heard the front door unlocking while you were there, but lucky for the both of you, it never came to that.

about a month into it, you broke the news that you´d go on a seven day trip with your friends, which would mean that you´d be separated for way longer than you were used to, since those early days of the affair, you saw each other at least four times a week, sometimes more if you both happened to be home at the same time during the afternoon or on a day off.

you were both not thrilled about spending those days apart, but part of you also felt a sense of excitement over the fact that it meant that your need had time to grow, that your next time of seeing each other would be intense and even more desperate than usual.

Van realized when you told her just how lost she had gotten in her feelings for you because for a second she felt genuine terror at the thought of not seeing you for that long, you´d made her experience a sort of sexual renaissance, you´d woken her body up again; for years Van had suppressed her needs, which had mostly been drowned out by her depressive moods anyway, so it could not have been overstated, how life changing it was to finally be connected to her desires and her body again, to feel free in her expression of her sexuality, to be taken care of by you, since it was not just about the sex itself, it had slowly started bleeding into other areas of her life too, the feeling of autonomy, the feeling of vitality, something about your connection had brought her back to life, so she tried her best to keep her separation anxiety at bay. 

after seven long days, most of which she´d spent working over-time or going outside as much as she could to try and remain somewhat sane, she finally got the text telling her that you were back home and would come over once you were done unpacking and eating dinner. 

the moment she closed the door behind you later that night, you couldn´t even finish the sentence “you look good” because you immediately felt her hands on your face, her lips finding yours with a force that made you stumble back against the wall, bracing yourself as you smiled into the kiss and returned the energy, more than willing to save your words for later.

what you didn´t know was that she´d spent a better part of the week thinking about you, to a degree that was bordering on the obsessive, it was slowly but surely driving her mad; you showed up in her dreams, she woke up hot and frustrated more than once after feeling you close in her sleep, she regularly zoned out while trying to get work done, Tai had to repeat herself more around her because her mind was always with you, the way you looked at her,  the way you ran your fingers through her hair while kissing, the feeling of your bare leg pressed against hers, her hand on your thigh when you got hot and heavy, your nails digging into her flesh as you held her in place, every little detail was burned into her mind and the constant flashbacks were killing her, so naturally, the moment you were finally in front of her again, it all came bubbling up, and you could tell from the way she kissed you: she was fucking starving. 

after you both pulled away to catch some air she sighed, “jesus christ, you smell so fucking good”, while remaining barely an inch from your face. lucky for her, you´d gotten out oft the shower about fifteen minutes before coming over, so your skin was freshly lotioned, soft to the touch and and giving off a fresh scent that was sure to haunt her the coming days, she breathed in as deeply as possible, a shiver down her spine, a feverish adoration for you gnawing at her sanity as her hands wandered all over you.

“you´re not seeing anyone, are you?” she made sure, so you shook your head, wondering why she asked in that specific moment until you felt her eager lips on your neck and knew exactly why: she´d made sure that she could do whatever she wanted to you without worrying about marks or bruises, and you were happy in your passivity, pinned against the wall as you felt her tongue on the side of your neck, her teeth ever so lightly digging in, clearly lost in her need to taste you, to devour you, and if she hadn´t been careful she might have actually hurt you but you were glad to be wanted that violently, her hands rough under your shirt, on your chest, squeezing your tits hard enough to leave them shades of pink and red where her fingertips pressed down, drawing out increasingly loud sounds from you until she finally let go and faced you again, her lips swollen, her face flushed, an intensity to her gaze that was close to something animalistic as she kept feeling you up, making a satisfied humming sound, you smiled then as you placed your hands on her back.

“well you´re high energy, considering the hour”, she nodded, briefly wiping her mouth, “yeah, I just..”, she was beyond words, so you pulled her closer, your, tilting your head, a tenderness to your gaze as you asked, “should I help you relax? wind down a little?”. of course you knew that that was why she wanted you over, still, you liked hearing her say it, begging for it, “yes, please”. “you really missed me, hm?”, a smugness to your expression that got to her, she liked being being teased by you, it made her feel weak in a delicious way, “you have no fucking idea”, she uttered as she pulled you down the hallway, her hand firm around yours, almost ripping you forward because she was so impatient, leading you to the couch, your preferred place to hook up because fucking in their bed did seem a little too shameless, and besides, their couch was large and luxurious enough to feel like a bed anyway. 

there was no need to pretend or waste time, so she pulled down her jeans and took her place, getting comfortable as you got down on your knees in front of her, moving between her legs and brushing your cheek against her inner thigh for a moment, looking up at her with innocent eyes, a docility to your demeanor that almost killed her then. she usually only took her pants off by herself because she liked the ritual of you ripping down her underwear, so you did, freeing her of it in one determined motion, placing your hands flat on her freckled thighs after, caressing them as you leaned forward, drawing it out to have her right where you wanted her.

Van seemed even more desperate than usual, you could tell from her heavy breathing, from the faint whimpering sound, that she´d been dying to have you back all week, that she´d probably tried and failed to be satisfied with touching herself to the memory of you, it was a little cruel of you to draw it out, you could hear her whispering a soft “please..” as she leaned back and waited, burning up from the sensation of your fingers trailing her skin, so you finally put her out of her misery and kissed your way up her thigh to where she needed you, a gasp of relief as you put your lips to her cunt and ran your tongue over the familiar sensation of her arousal, warm and slick, a broad stroke of your tongue, a humm of pleasure, savoring her taste before diving in, your hands firm on her thighs as you pulled her forward a little to have her right in your face, no worry about air flow as you buried yourself in her.

you´d gotten to know her body well enough by that point to have the exact rhythm and speed that she needed from you figured out, and you used it to your advantage, mercilessly, moving your tongue up and down between her folds in a sloppy intense manner that bordered on making out with her cunt, and it had her whining within seconds, her hands in your hair, roughly tugging at it as she praised “that´s it, baby, keep going”, she knew it was pretty shameless, to use pet names when you weren´t her “baby”, not her anything, but during sex she couldn´t help it, she was just too into you, and you didn´t mind, it felt good to be claimed like that, even just for a moment.

she struggled hard with keeping her legs still, so you held them in place as best as you could while feeling her rock against your mouth, your chin mouth glistening with her juices, drunk on the feeling of her slick heat against yours lips, the heavenly sensation of hearing her panting and moaning for more, her hips moving with the rhythm of your tongue, the brief vision of her head thrown back, her throat exposed, her glowing hair against her pale skin as you glanced up from below, you could feel yourself growing wet from it, the utter thrill of having her at your mercy like that.

Van eventually grew so erratic and dizzy with lust that she held onto your face, harder than usual, as she abandoned all shame as she pushed your head forward, grinding herself against you, using you in a way, which you submitted to in an instant, holding your tongue in place as she basically rode your face, brushing up against your nose with her clit in a way that made her lose her last bit of composure, her sounds closer to cries then as she felt the pleasurable ache at her core deepening and deepening each passing second, “you feel so fucking good”, she breathed, overcome with affection for you, your way of giving her exactly what she needed and more, your selflessness when it came to intimacy, when it came to her desires.

she could only keep up her aggressive claiming of your face for so long, after a few minutes of perverse, nearly pornographic sounds from both of you as you got lost in the aggressive heat, her hips became sore, a needy cry from her that signaled to you that you should take charge again, so you pushed her back into the couch cushion and slowed it down, urging her “breathe, I´ve got you” deep, intense strokes of your tongue, deliberate and sensual licks that were a sweet contrast to her messy, fast movements before, a satisfied sigh from her, followed by “god, don´t stop”, as you kept going, never letting up, never interrupting the flow of intense arousal that was filling her head to toe, a warmth that was unparalleled, burning through her heart, her soul, her whole being, submitting to you was her way of experiencing revelation. 

you spent a good while like that, feeling her stroke your hair in encouragement as you let her get worked up to the point that she needed to get to, in order to really cum as hard she wanted to, so eventually, once you felt her growing restless, you did the final thing you knew would push her over the edge, your tongue focused solely on her most sensitive spot, flicking over it again and again as you forced her weak legs open to have enough space, suckling on her clit with a low hum of pleasure, which was the thing that made her feel that sudden violent wave of heat at her core, helpless mumbling and cursing under her breath as you drew out her orgasm, the shuddering kind, the kind that´s full body, all consuming and satisfying to a degree that no rushed jerking off could ever compete with, it was the thing that made her crave you, your touch, your mouth, the way you made her cum without rushing her or forcing it out of her, each time you went down on her she knew you´d let her take as long as she needed, you´d keep your face between her legs for hours if she wanted, so in that moment, she felt nothing but pure bliss as she finished against your mouth, her hips still jerking up in slower intervals as you let her ride it out, your lips still on her, leaving light kisses on the mess you´d made as she let go of your head, a barely audible “fuck..” as she went slack, a comfortable silence while you looked up at her, drinking in the sight of her all flushed and blissed out, her eyes shut, her lips parted,  her chest rising and falling, a pat of her hand next to her on the couch, a signal for you to come up and join her. 

once you got down next to her you moved closer and felt her reaching for your hand as she turned her face and smiled at you, slightly shy in the wake of her vocal climax, “I like when you get like that”, you mused, gently touching her arm, “oh really?”, she asked, a tired smile, eyeing you from the side, slowly coming back to her senses. “yeah.  it´s hot when you hold me in place, use me”, she squeezed your hand then, grinning, a flicker of surprise in her eyes, “okay I see. I´ll keep that in mind” a pause before she added, “I really don´t deserve you, huh?” meaning it, she’d felt slightly guilty for unleashing her desperation onto you like that, and there you were, telling her it was a turn on. “you know, you should ride me face sometime. like actually sit on me”, that comment got a blush out of her, she shook her head and protested but deep down she knew she´d probably take you up on it, it made her feel a lingering heat at her core, to imagine you under her like that, your pretty face, all hers.

“god I don´t know what the fuck is going on with me..” she admitted, shaking her head, still high on endorphins, a sympathetic pat on her shoulder from you then, deeply pleased by your effect on her. “am I messing with your head?”, you joked, but she didn´t laugh, she just nodded, “you are, yes. I like you so much.” it came out more sincere than she intended, so you went quiet for a moment, letting the words settle, leaning your head against the cushion while staring at her, waiting for her to look at you, which she did, brushing a stand of hair out of your face, a gentle swipe of her thumb over your lower lip before leaning in and giving you a kiss, a tender one, unlike before, the kind of kiss where you just leave your lips pressed against together for a moment, followed up by a few minutes of soft, slow making out. 

eventually, Van reached down to put on her underwear again before walking over to the kitchen behind you to get you both a glass of water, handing it to you once she sat back down and paid closer attention to you than before, looking right at you as she said, “I just realized I haven´t asked you a single fucking thing about your week yet, I´m a horrible host”, you smiled, “no worries, not much to tell anyway, it was just a nice getaway, no juicy stories”, she smiled, looking at you with unconcealed affection,“still, how are you, really?”. it was clear that she was actually interested, invested in your life, your state of mind. you thought about it as she drank up and put the glass down, her hands free to touch you again, resting on your legs as you spoke. “oh I´m good, just a bit tired from the flight, but other than that, I´m great right now”, emphasis on the last words to make it clear that it had to do with her, she nodded, “well, I feel kinda bad now, calling you over here when you´re already exhausted. you should probably be sleeping right now, hm?”, you shook your head, “oh no, I´ll take this over sleep, any time”.

Van glanced down for a moment and noticed the slight bruising on your knees, which had appeared because the floor right below the couch was not covered by carpet.“jesus I´m sorry..” she said, inspecting it closer, “oh no need to apologize, I don´t mind.” she gently traced the red skin, mostly out of concern, but deep down she was also satisfied by the sight, proof of your submission to her needs, deep down she´d always had a thing for women on their knees, something about worship, something about devotion, her hand wandered up your thigh eventually, her voice low as she said, “I do feel a little guilty sometimes though. you´re so sweet and I treat you.. well not the way you deserve. you should be out on a date or something” for a moment Van genuinely felt a sense of shame over her greed for you, the impact she was quite literally leaving on your body without being able to give you much more than a few nights a week, in secret. 

“I´m not doing you a favor, Van. I wouldn´t keep coming back here if it didn´t give me what I need too”, she looked back up at you again,“it does?”, she knew of course that you were into her, but it wasn´t easy for her to believe that being of service to her was that pleasing to you. “yes, I´d be pretty devastated if this ended right now” you insisted. she moved her hand to your neck, her eyes trailing down to that space above your collarbone that she wanted to kiss again, “you know that that´s kind of hard to believe for me, right?”, you were amused by her inability to see just how deep your attraction to her was because to you it was so obvious, “well, not to be too forward but your body feels really good and you sound hot. and that´s more than enough to get me off”, she shook her head, “okay stop”, you liked seeing her flustered so you kept pushing it, leaning forward playing with her hair as you said, “I mean it. you´re very hot, you know that right?” a light shove from her then because she could feel her face turning red from your overt flirting, “alright, enough with the flattery, miss” but deep down she loved it, you could tell from her failed attempt to suppress a smile. 

it had gotten late, it was nearing midnight, you were both getting sleepy and you´d come over in the clothes you´d wear to bed, so there was an obvious question on Van´s mind, a hesitant pause before she said, “listen. would it be really fucked up to ask you to sleep over tonight?”, she was aware that it might be out of line to ask you to sleep in the bed she usually shared with her wife, you eyed her, the way she was holding herself with slight self-consciousness, a soft smile as you said, “probably, yeah”, she nodded, “right, yeah, I thought so..” a slightly disappointed expression that you took as a compliment before you continued, “but. I can cope with doing messed up things. clearly” gesturing back and forth between you two, which made her laugh then, “okay, good. I mean, you can sleep on my side, if that makes it less weird”, you were tickled by that logic, “sure, let´s do that”, “come on then, I think you deserve to relax now”, she said, giving your thigh a light squeeze as she got up and motioned for you to follow her upstairs. 

as you passed by the kitchen counter your eyes landed on an opened envelope near the edge, “Vanessa?” you said, which made her flinch and grab your wrist to pull you towards the hallway, away from the document, you laughed as she did this, amused by her dramatic reaction “so, that´s your real name?”, “obviously, yes. and just so you know, I fucking hate it.”, a pause before she added, “but I´ll admit, in your voice it actually doesn´t sound that horrible”, “careful, don´t be too sweet to me. Vanessa”, usually she´d have gotten pissed at someone for teasing her with her full name, but with you it was different, she could tell it was done lovingly, it also kind of turned her on but she´d unpack that another time, “no? why not?”, you looked back at her then as you went up the stairs, “don´t wanna make your side piece fall for you”, “side piece?? that´s awful, I don´t think of you as that”, she sounded scandalized, “I know, I´m just messing with you”, in that moment it hit her what you´d actually said before,“wait, what was that, repeat that for me”, her demeanor suddenly much lighter, but you just smiled at her, the glow on your face was enough for her to know that you had meant it, that you didn´t just see her as a casual fling. 

the fact that it was pitch black outside by that point made it much easier to go into their room, it felt less intrusive than if you´d seen every little detail, besides, you were too tired to take a good look around anyway, so you went over to their bed and tried to get comfortable as you felt her getting in on the other side. you did have a brief moment of worry then as you realized what exactly it was that you were doing, where you were laying down, and it didn´t escape her. about a minute passed of you just laying there, quiet, not looking at her or moving to snuggle up to her, which amused her, the fact that you had no problem having sex with her but suddenly got shy in that moment, so eventually she turned to face you, a smile as she said, “you do know that you can touch me, right? considering what we just did, this should not be the thing to lose sleep over”, you moved your head to meet her eyes then.

“okay very funny. I just thought it might be weird for you, if it feels like I´m her or something…”, she shook her head,“we don´t get close under the covers anymore, so, you´re good”, that almost made you laugh then,“that´s a pretty depressing image”, “oh I know, that´s why you had such an easy time seducing me”, she drew out the last two words for dramatic effect and you knew she was joking but you decided to play into it, a prideful smile on your face as you moved closer to her, pressing yourself up against her side as you whispered, “right, I took full advantage of your loneliness, didn´t I?” your lips soft on the side of her neck, your hand under her shirt, a helpless sigh from her “hmm”, “I corrupted you, huh?” your fingertips trailing down her ribs, you loved feeling her weak and quiet from your effect on her, so you kept whispering to her between kisses, her eyes shut as she let you feel her up until she eventually grew too hot from it and pushed you away, gently. “okay, easy you´re gonna have to stop that, unless you´ll follow through”, you cocked your head, a playful sparkle to your eyes, “should I?”. Van shook her head, in slight disbelief over your willingness to go again, “I appreciate the energy, really, but let´s save it for tomorrow”.

she had a different urge then, one that came from a place of pure tenderness, the sight of you all soft and comfortable next to her made it impossible for her to leave any space between your bodies, “come on, turn around for me”, a nudge to your side that made you face away from her, so she could put her arm around you and pull you close, her face nuzzled against your back, breathing in that scent of yours she couldn´t get enough of, “good?”, she asked, squeezing you a little as you moved your legs against hers under the blanket. “yeah, this is nice”, you sighed, relaxing into it, a deep sense of safety in her embrace.

both of you instantly grew heavy, so you shut your eyes and drifted off, whispering “sleep well” to each other at the exact same time, which made you both laugh a quiet, almost girlish laugh. just before you fell asleep, you put your hand over hers, in that state of half consciousness it was easy to be romantic, it was easy to do what you really wanted to, so you fell asleep the way you would with a girlfriend, forgetting for a moment that she wasn´t, too lost in the utter peace you felt being there with her. 

Van knew what some outsiders might have said about her relationship to you, “the lonely wife goes and fucks the hot young neighbor? how surprising.” something cynical like that, and she couldn´t deny that there was some truth to it, but as she felt your body warm against hers that night, she could not see anything nasty in your dynamic, it was impossible, because right then, the part of her that had remained a believer even during her darkest times came alive again; she was convinced that some higher power had made you cross paths. she did not believe in angels in a literal sense but she believed that people could play that part in the lives of others, often without even realizing, and that was how she saw you, as a kind of divine presence in her life that had come and ruptured the routine that was about to suffocate her, that she´d shut herself away in. Van knew that it might have come off as sanctimonious if she´d said it out loud, but she did not care, deep down, she truly felt like you were going to change things for the better, not just for her but for Tai too, because for the first time in ages Van felt a fragile sense of optimism looking forward, instead of the sheer dread she´d felt all the years before. 

she realized then that felt stronger and more capable of trying to figure out how to move on from her marriage, not because she was going to use you as her distraction or emotional support, she was not selfish enough to make you shoulder that burden, but because you were a living breathing reminder that there was more out there, you were a reminder of the possibilities she would open herself up to if she just accepted the initial pain of breaking out of what was known to her. it hit her then, that her feeling of entrapment was not grounded in reality, she was not the young girl stuck in her mothers house anymore and she was also not the teenage girl stranded in the woods; during her developmental years she´d been so unfree and restricted in her movement that as an adult she´d been completely blind to the fact that she could do whatever the fuck she wanted, go wherever she pleased, it was not out of masochism that her and Tai had stayed together for that long, even when it hurt, it was because they were hardwired to accept horrible circumstances as inescapable, they were too good at submitting to pain, in a way it was almost impressive, just how long they could keep their heads above water in situations where others would have already drowned in despair. 

the time she spent with you had shown her just how exhilarating and beautiful it could be, to finally allow herself to look beyond what she was familiar with and to let herself want things, to open herself up to the terrifying act of hoping for more. 

in her deepest fantasies, she could see herself and Tai with new partners, as good friends, talking to each other with that shared humor that they´d lost during their years of marriage, which Van missed, Tai had been her best friend before they’d become lovers, after all. she could envision it perfectly, Tai teasing her about being into younger women, letting herself be bossed around by someone who wasn´t even alive when they were in high school, it didn´t seem impossible to her, it seemed within reach, which shocked her.

as the feeling of you presses against her chest slowed her heart rate, she remembered what it feels like, to be free of anxiety, fully at ease, relaxed to her core. in that moment, nothing was gnawing at her, no past pain could reach her, nothing could disrupt your shared peace, and you were blissfully unaware of it, the fact that she was close to tears right before sleep got a hold of her too. 

the next morning you were unsure if you´d dreamed it up or if it had actually happened: her breath warm against your cheek in the middle of the night, a soft kiss, a whisper, “my angel”. 

[theresattrpgforthat]

Do you know of any solo RPGs that allow you to simulate a group/faction/place and many different NPCs? I guess I'm looking for something like a Sims or Dwarf Fortress but in the form of a TTRPG. Let me create a town and its inhabitants and roll or draw cards to determine what happens to them, or something like that. Thanks!

THEME: Solo "Sims" Games

Hello friend, these are some games coming from a few different angles but all have the common theme of interacting with a community or a group. I couldn't find a lot that allows you to play a number of characters at once, but there are a number of games that still ask you to manage a lot of people as one person! I hope you find them useful!

The Spiritpath Hotel, by 89 Lightwatch Avenue.

You are the owner of a fine establishment called The Spiritpath Hotel. Guests have come from all over to stay. The hotel mysteriously called them here, sensing that each of them are missing something important in their lives. They don't know what it is yet, so it's up to you to figure it out.

No one believes magic exists. Your guests think they are here to enjoy a vacation, but you know better. They came because your hotel promised them happiness they can't get anywhere else. You have a special power that lets you grant one thing to each person you meet and you use it to help your guests.

Discover who your guests are, figure out something important that they need, and provide it to them in a way only you can.

You’re not necessarily embodying all of the characters in this game, but you are continuously meeting and helping new NPCs as you play. This game uses a tarot deck or a random number generator to provide you with prompts, and you’ll learn more about your guests the longer they stay. I appreciate that the designer has included a reference sheet and worksheets to help you play - and the fact that you need them points to a management system that might feel similar to the Sims.

Dino Park, by Armanda.

So, you want to be part of DINO PARK. You’ve been chosen to work with us for a season! You must be thrilled! We’re the first park that through science brought Dinosaurs back to life. And you have a chance to work with us. 

We’re counting on your qualities as a human being and as a professional to make this park your home for these eight weeks. We will train you to be an outstanding member of our team. These weeks with us are going to be a life-changing experience. 

Dino Park gives you gear to help you take care of the dinosaurs in the form of a coin and a number of polyhedral dice, so I’m assuming that most resolution in this game revolves around using your gear to help you do certain things. You’ll also have personal skills and weaknesses that look like they’ll come into play depending on how you decide to solve problems. Your character will receive calls for help throughout the park, so it looks like you’ll be interact with dinosaurs and humans alike, and the game also advertises a catastrophe track - so if things truly go south, you’ll have to hightail it out of there in the style of Jurassic Park!

This game is probably good for folks who love nature games, dinosaurs, or fighting against a slowly building disaster.

Save The Community Radio!, by Wizard of Ox.

You and your group of friends used to run a radio station, giving up your weekends and nights to make sure your local community got a fresh dose of soundwaves. The problem is that, as time passed, most of your friends stopped doing so, except for you, who are still passionately trying to keep it up and running (and failing, mostly). 

Now the local government is threatening to cut funding and shut down your station unless you can prove that you can handle it, but to do so, you have to get your friends back together. Navigate the fallout of your previous relationships with each character and convince them to help you save the radio, or live to see it be shut down.

Save the Community Radio! is a solo journaling RPG focused on building relationships with multiple characters whom you have grown apart from in order to save something you collectively spent your youth trying to build. It heavily relies on these connections and how you interpret them, with prompts and actions chosen by dices and decks, but enough leeway for you to write your characters however you want.

This game uses a deck of playing cards and some 6-side dice to help you build the world where your community radio is about to fail. You work for the radio, and you’re trying to get your friends to care about it again. However, not all of your friends feel positive about you anymore, so you might have to mend those relationships first.

The deck of cards provides prompts for different problems that show up as you play, such as broken equipment or lack of guests for broadcast. You’ll likely need different kinds of people to call on to fix these problems - and hopefully you can fix your relationships with your friends before you lose all resources entirely! If you want a game about building connections, this is your game.

Note: This game comes as a RAR file, so you’ll need to make sure you have an application on your computer that can turn it into a PDF.

Crow Island: funeral//PROCESSION, by Tenbear.

funeral // PROCESSION is a solo TTRPG introducing you to the universe of Crow Island, a sci-fi fantasy world centering Indigenous people and People of Colour. Following the destruction of your village by a Corrupt Spirit you and Members of the Moon Clan will transport the body of your Chief through the wilderness of the Porcupine Nation to the City of Seven Nations for proper burial.

This is a survival game, where you play as a clan but it doesn’t seem necessary to name each clan’s members. You will have to survive against loss of equipment, predators, and depleting supplies. The game uses a deck of playing cards as sort of a prompt generator, providing you with either obstacles or resources as you make your way to the City of Seven Nations.

The reviews of this game compare it to a Choose Your Own Adventure kind of game, so if that sounds interesting, you might want to check this game out.

Nature/Town/Farm/Villagers, by Cardboard Hyperfix.

You are a farmer who just moved into town. You had family that lived here a while ago, but not anymore. The town has seen better days, and you are here to help.

This is meant to be both a farming simulator and a community simulator. Inspired by Harvest Moon, you are a farmer who just moved to town, and are responsible for both making your farm flourish and helping your neighbours solve their problems.

The game follows a calendar of four months, one month for each season. The majority of your play revolves around picking focuses and figuring out both what the problems of each focus is, and then work to wards solving them. Each day you roll 2d6 and use their results to help you solve problems.

If you want a game that you can choose to play over an extended period of time, or if you really enjoy Harvest Moon, you might want to check out this game.

Apawthecaria: A Poultice Pounder Adventure, by BlackwellWriter.

Apawthecaria is a blend of Apothecaria and Scurry! Go on a potion-making, road-tripping, friend-making adventure.

Apothecaria is a solo potion-making game about taking care of unfortunate villagers. Scurry is a game about tiny creatures adventuring through Scotland’s underbrush. Apawthecaria combines the two that brings your little poultice-maker through the same world as Scurry, helping little creatures with their injuries and ailments.

This game is absolutely adorable, and I like the fact that you can recruit a Familiar and a number of Companion bugs on your journeys. I’m assuming that along with meeting a number of patients on your travels, you’ll be using many of the potion-making and foraging rules of Apothecaria. There’s a lot of management involved - you’ll be tracking your reputation, upgrading equipment, and bartering for ingredients (aka reagents) as you travel.

If you like a game with enchanting art and plenty setting already established for you to explore, this might be a game for you.

Scavengers, by Gasini.

Scavengers is a solo hexcrawling adventure game set in a post-apocalyptic fantasy world. You play as a crew of foolhardy goblins struggling to pilot an ancient vehicle known as The Gas Horse. Your crew's goal is to scour the wastes for salvage to expand the goblin homestead. 

Your goblins have an eclectic set of skills that will change how each run goes. Be wary, for there is a hunter out in the wastes seeking to end your adventure!

I think this game might meet your requirements because you are playing a crew of goblins, rather than a single character, and because you have something to manage - namely, the Gas Horse. You’re also responsible for a Homestead, where there might even be more goblins waiting for you. The game comes with a Hexflower map for you to explore, and it all looks to fit on a single brochure, so I think this is better for a limited play session rather than extended play.

Nomads of the Isles, by Nik Mirza.

The fate of your clan rests on your shoulders. Will you be able to lead them to prosperity or will your journey end in defeat?

Your clan are on a quest to establish settlements in a new and unknown land. You must lead your people through various terrains such as mountains, deserts, and forests while managing facing unforeseen danger. Your goal is to establish a settlement or more by the end of your reign.

This is a brochure game guided by Firelights, a solo RPG that is great for metroidvania types of games. Roll on a d66 table to determine what kinds of regions you’ll travel through, and draw cards from the Story Deck to determine the difficulty of each action.

While the game is meant to track a journey from one land to another, the actual details of the story are up to you. The cards from the deck provide you with a value that you’ll have to beat, but the detail of each problem is pretty vague: you’ll recieve prompts such as “Reunion”, “Ceremony”, or “Betrayal”. You’ll have to decide what those words mean, and how much detail you want to include. If you want a game that makes it fairly easy to track progress towards a definable goal, this is your game.

DELVE, by BlackwellWriter.

DELVE: A Solo Map Drawing Game is a map drawing game that puts you in control of a dwarven hold as you discover the horrors that lurk below. This 44 page zine has everything you need to generate natural formations, forgotten ruins, enemies, wyrd magics, and ancient monstrosities. It has a simple turn-based combat system, rules for building your hold and optional challenges for a harder experience.

If you like Dwarf Fortress, this is the game for you! Recruit military units, devise traps and track combat. Use cards from a deck to track resources and explore the map, and a d4 or a coin to help you resolve certain problems. This is as much a resource management game as it is a dungeon delving game, with plenty of tables for Magic, Adventurers, Inventions and more. If you like filling out a map and tracking a lot of things at once, this might be the game for you.

[sminiac]

Congrats on 400 followers🎉🥳🥳. Could you do a scenario for Piwon and how they would break up with you/ their reaction to realizing that they don’t love you anymore?

💌 — Thank you sm sweets! <3 I loooove writing angst even though I don’t get reqs for it, BUT YES. Was lowkey excited to pull up my feels playlist for this :b

⋆ Y. Keeho

So, so quiet, and diluted. He’s very naive when it comes to loving someone so in the first flicker of insecurity he’s immediately calling it quits in fear of dragging something out that’ll possibly never lead to anything deeper, or getting too attached to a point where it’s unnecessarily difficult and painful.

Curls in on himself more and more in the days leading up to him finally talking to you and when he does it, it’s not the most surprising thing. Hearing him abruptly cut off from his words and backing away from his train of thought because the tears find home in his throat so easily. Seeing him like this is rare, you’re so used to the talking being passed off to one another so seamlessly but he just continues struggling through his sentences no matter how many deep breaths and attempts to compose himself he takes. He really tries to communicate with you, lay everything out, plain and simple, but unfortunately he just can’t, his emotions get the best of him which both you and him know is completely unlike him.

He’s able to explain everything to you at a later date, which is just salt in a fresh wound, but he knows he can’t go on living like nothing that serious happened, especially after leaving you in the dark. Asks if you can meet up for coffee or call or something, is willing to write a handwritten letter if that’s what it takes to get you to hear him out. His reasonings for seeing you again are partly in best interest of himself, but he likes to think it gives you some sense of closure too, or at least a solid placement on your feelings towards him. The conversation goes quite smoothly compared to his first attempt, he even finds himself comparing the two of you now to when you first got together, it’s bittersweet, but he still cares for you so he doesn’t force it away. Holds your hand over the table while reminiscing, sharing old funny stories before parting ways.

Remainder of members under the cut!

⋆ C. Taeyang

Doesn’t realize nor feel the gravity of the circumstances that follow his decision to leave you. In fact, in the beginning he plays with the idea as it sparks to life, figures that the cons probably far outweigh the pros anyways, so why is he really playing along with you? Hes just so busy and caught up in the limelight that he realistically can’t even begin to remember all the details, the good points in your relationship, he’s far too fast to make a concrete resolution for his own absentmindedness, and inevitably it comes back to bite him in the ass.

Very straightforward, although there’s a tenderness to his disposition the more he lets the words flow. The more he talks the more he realizes how absurd this all sounds, and he’s quick to point out any of his faults and ignorance right in front of you. The conversation does nothing but solidify his point, but it also helps him understand just how gracious you are to him, how you’ve always been, and that keeps him on track because he knows that if you were to stay that you wouldn’t be able to find that growth if your own. Sets you free in a way, even if that sounds cringy and silly, he just doesn’t want to keep you to himself- nailed to the ground when you have so much ahead of you in your life, and the life of an idol wasn’t always so easy or kind to exclusivity.

Towards the end he recalls all of the milestones he’s hit with you by his side, behind the camera, always his number 1, reminds you that if you weren’t here he probably wouldn’t have made it this far. He literally counts his blessings whilst calling himself an idiot for not realizing it sooner.

⋆ C. Jiung

The type of ex you can be friends with and be completely platonic with after breaking up let me just say, even if there’s lingering feelings he’s never acting on it or allowing you to either. He’s very quick and precise, as soon as he’s sure, even confident in telling you he’s just not quite in love with you like that anymore then he’s calling you up, telling you to come over. Jiung’s just a very comforting and easy going individual, there’s obviously going to be a palpable sense of sadness in the air but he tries to keep things light instead of saying things to further fuel the tears- it’s kind of silly though, because no matter what he’d unintentionally do just that.

Comes right out and tells you, very straightforward at first,, almost a little too blunt, but he treats the wound with a gentle dressing, reminds you that he does love you, that it’s been there for days and days, that he’s walked with it, ate with it, sang with it, that his love for you won’t just disappear in the matter of seconds because of a change of labels.

Tells you that he understands if distance is what you want, that he won’t overstep or prod if that’s not what you’re comfortable with, so dedicated that he’d make sure any mutual friends don’t speak of him to you if the topic is much too sore to touch on. But! If your boundaries don’t come with a secure extent then he’ll merely act as a friend, not one you’d go to for every rant or life experience, but one that’s there whenever you need him to be. He’d still reach out to congratulate you on every achievement, milestone, every significant date too with a fitting paragraph in thorough detail about whatever it is he’s messaging you abou :,)

⋆ H. Intak

Terribly bitter. Becomes so self deprecating and the jabs at himself are sharp, like- would actually make himself miserable about losing feelings for you. Tries to ignore it, initially he doesn’t even want to acknowledge it, but the longer he lets it sit and fester the more it mercilessly eats away at him. Takes the time to sit and talk with Keeho, sorting his thoughts and tackling the much tougher questions he couldn’t bring himself to face alone, I think he wouldn’t come to the conclusion of breaking up with you himself, it would definitely have to come from someone. The situation doesn’t feel that weighty, or lucid until someone like Keeho is telling him that it’s the only option he has.

“I’m sorry” is said quite a lot when he has the time alone with you, his eyes already bloodshot around the edges and his lips swollen. The time passes by fairly quick in retrospect, but in the moment it feels like it just drags and drags.

Intak genuinely can’t bring himself to touch you or get so close to because he knows that’s when the tears will start again and there will absolutely be no consoling him to get them to stop. Maybe you’ll think of him as being one for dramatics, but he’s just such a lover that it’s crushing to even reach this point that he’s absolutely torn on your behalf. Only makes contact with you for the last time when you’re saying your last goodbyes, your personal belongings back in your care and his shoved into a corner in his room because he physically can’t take them out and sort through it. The hug only lasts for so long before he’s letting you go, choking out a goodbye with a forced smile. He just hopes you can’t see the tears building against his lower lid.

⋆ H. Shota

Soul knows you probably wouldn’t understand, but he tries to wait it out, the feeling of doubt every time he questions himself about loving you. He realized as the days past he grew more and more uncaring about what you were doing, who you were with, he found himself eager to end calls and to be left alone, purposely ignoring any questions his members had about how you were, when they’d see you again.

As soon as he stopped questioning why you didn’t text him or call, how he wasn’t repulsed by the thought of you loving someone else the way you love him, that it was time he broke things off. He deals with his emotions quite simply, chronologically, uses his brain more than his heart because then things are strategical and easy, but things weren’t quite as painless as he expected when finally confessing to you that he wanted to break up.

He knows the tears will come, the resentment, he hates the thought of you ever thinking about him with only a sour taste in your mouth and a shell of his current self kept frozen in your memory, he wants you to know the future him, the bad and the good, but it’s an incredibly selfish thing to ask of you, to stay even if he no longer loves you romantically, it leads to his emotions doubling in size, making his own tears unceasing as he holds you, scared that once he lets go you’ll disappear forever, completely. He goes through with it of course, despite his fears and insurmountable worry, he knows better than to ask you to stay.

⋆ K. Jongseob

Seob Is fairly well acquainted with the ‘you’re so mature for your age’ approach when being complimented on his sterling dedication and drive that keeps him moving forward in the music industry, because, well duh? But the good aspect of knowing how he handles early adulthood gets a little too into his head, therefore he lacks the emotional intelligence to navigate through his feelings when it comes to a point where he’s questioning himself and your relationship because he just doesn’t have the time at his disposal to face it.

He tries to work on himself at first, his doubt, the lack of security you have in place of his side— like a sample track he’s not confident or content with, he tries and tries to make it better, and that’s inevitably the downfall of his efforts, it’s the fact he has to try to keep loving you to begin with.

He’d like to think that he redeems himself by being an open book with you when he sits you down, pouring out all of his bottled thoughts and feeling, but the crushing truth does nothing but keep your aversion to his lack of self understanding stagnant. He’s soft when telling you that the two of you should break up, gentle, because he can’t bring himself to fathom the betrayal you probably feel now knowing how he’s felt under the layers of his forced affection and uninterested feelings.

[drabbles-mc]

For the Record

Javier Peña x GN!Reader

For @pickled-pena's writing challenge!: resolutions, pickle/jar of pickles, "You stand there and accuse me, but where were you at the time?"

Warnings: 18+, language, mentions of injuries, angst/arguments

Word Count: 2.2k

A/N: This was such a fun challenge! Thank you to the mods for putting it together! It's also been a while since I've written for Javi so that was a treat too haha. Happy New Year, y'all! xo

Narcos Taglist: @garbinge @winchestershiresauce @sizzlingcloudmentality @panagiasikelia @616wilsons @hauntedforsst @mirabee @boomclapxox @nessamc @supersanelyromantic @padbrookcottage @mysun-n-stars @raincoffeeandfandoms @justreblogginfics @ashlingnarcos @proceduralpassion @artemiseamoon @narcolini @hausofmamadas @cositapreciosa @il0vebeingdelulu (If you want to be added to any of my taglists, please let me know!)

You were standing in the kitchen, holding the refrigerator door open as you looked inside it for the fifth time since you’d gotten home less than an hour before. No new food had appeared there in that span of time but you still kept coming back to check anyway just in case. You weren’t even actually hungry, although you should’ve been with how hectic the day had been and the fact that it led you to not being able to eat anything since your coffee and half of a pastry on the way to base that morning.

If you had still been back home, you would just be enjoying No Man’s Week—that week between Christmas and New Year’s when not much of anything gets done by anyone even if they have the best intentions. But you weren’t home. So instead of staying home and ditching work completely, or sitting in an office pretending to work but really getting nothing of the sort done, you had been running around the streets of Medellín trying to catch Escobar’s men and trying not to get shot in the process. Much less relaxing.

Along with your day being the opposite of relaxing, you also weren’t successful in either of the things that you had set out to do. The information that you’d been gathering had gotten you pretty far, but not quite far enough. The member of Pablo’s team that you’d been tracking for weeks slipped through your grasp, although it wasn’t without a fight. That much was evident because of the bullet that had gone clean through your bicep, and the other that had buried itself in your tac-vest. It was not a successful day.

Now, on top of your day being unsuccessful, everything else was infinitely more difficult to do when you only had full use of one arm and hand, and of course it wasn’t your dominant one. You should’ve taught yourself to be ambidextrous.

Then, as if all of that wasn’t enough salt rubbed into your very fresh wounds, you were about to make a final decision on what was going to pass for a very sad dinner when the lock flipped on the apartment door. You heard the click and you let out a sigh purely out of reflex as you let go of the fridge door to let it fall shut. Your jaw was clenched tight as you heard the apartment door swing open and quickly slam shut. Dramatic. He was always so dramatic.

“What the fuck was that?” he said as he started to storm into the kitchen.

You turned around to face him, your face as neutral as you could manage it. “Lock the door, Javi,” you instructed, purposely ignoring the question he’d just thrown at you.

He froze for a moment, hesitating. It took a second for him to process what you’d said, realizing that you weren’t giving him the argument that he’d been gearing up for the entire drive back to your place. He obliged, albeit begrudgingly. He was shaking his head the whole time, about two seconds away from stomping his foot like a toddler in the midst of his tantrum.

“Well?” he dove right back into it once the lock was in place.

“Well, what?” you asked, tone even as you turned back around to the fridge to open the door again, this time just to have an excuse not to look at him.

“You know what.” He wasn’t yelling, too exhausted for that, but even with how low his voice was it still held plenty of anger, still sharp enough to feel like it was cutting you. You heard his footsteps behind you even as you kept your eyes glued to the inside of the refrigerator. When he spoke up again you could practically feel his breath against the back of your neck. “You never should’ve been out there alone.”

You refused to turn around and look at him. “Some things can’t wait. You of all fucking people should know that. Plus it’s not like I didn’t try to get you to go with me, but no,” you dragged out that last word to twist the knife a little more. “Only you’re allowed to do that apparently.”

He scoffed. “What’s that supposed—”

“Don’t,” you cut him off, your laugh cruel enough to put you on even footing in the argument. “Don’t insult either of us by finishing that question.”

There was nothing in your fridge that would even come close to constituting a meal. You’d been living on takeout for the last few weeks because of how hectic everything had been. No time to grocery shop and definitely no energy left to cook. But you didn’t want to leave your apartment now that you were home, so you were just going to suffer through by grazing on the scraps that you had. You reached for the nearest jar on the refrigerator door, grabbing it with the one hand you still had full use of.

Javi watched as you side-stepped your way out of being boxed in by him. You moved to the side and set the jar on the counter, and Javi waited a second before he moved right along with you, trapping you between him and the counter now instead of the fridge.

As much as Javi wanted to plead ignorance, he knew exactly what you were talking about. It wasn’t something you brought up often, saving it for times when you needed a good card to play. This was one of those times. He was angry about it but he’d done it to himself in a way—he knew that. He tried to come to his own defense. “That’s not the same. You know that. What I did—”

“Was fucking reckless,” you snapped, slamming the jar down on the counter, not hard enough to break it, but hard enough to make both you and Javi flinch. You tightened your grip on the lid, not even trying to open the damn thing, just trying to channel all of your anger and exhaustion into something that would cause minimal damage. “You can’t stand there and be pissy at me for what I did today when your track record is what it is. It’s not,” you scoffed, “it’s not even fucking close.”

“You got fuckin’ shot!”

You turned around to face him, stanced up like you were ready to fight despite the fact that you were bandaged up and strapped down in a sling, a last-ditch effort from the doctors to try and remind you not to move your arm if you could help it. “And you got Steve fuckin’ kidnapped!”

Javi flinched at the accusation, the truth of it stinging just as much as the rest of it. “It’s not—”

“And, for the record,” you turned back around and set back to work on opening the jar on the counter, “I tried to fucking tell you. You didn’t wanna hear it. You didn’t think that I had anything. So don’t stand there and act like I just up and out of the blue decided to go rogue. I tried to make sure someone had my back and you bailed on me.”

You didn’t touch him. You weren’t even looking at him and yet he found himself taking a step backwards like you’d shoved him with both hands. “Hey.”

“No,” you refused to turn around and look at him, dedicated to the tear that you were about to go on, “no don’t give me that. You feel shitty about it? Good. You should feel shitty. Because it didn’t have to go down like that today. You wanna come in here and yell at me and say that I was acting stupid and reckless and I just—you didn’t leave me any other choice!” You tried and failed to twist the lid on the jar, only adding to the frustration that was stacking endlessly on your shoulders. “You stand there and accuse me of all this shit, but where were you at the time? What else was so promising that you just fucking hung me out to dry?”

“If you knew I couldn’t be there then you should never have gone out on your own.”

“But you could’ve been there! You were supposed to be there!” You wanted to throw your hands up in exasperation and you couldn’t. You turned around to look at him, hating that you could feel the tears in your eyes. “You promised. You can’t just treat your promises to me like, like the bullshit excuses you give our boss. They’re not just some red tape you have to find a way around. You owe me more than that.”

He frowned, the response that he’d been building up in his head evaporating completely the more he listened to you, not just to your words but to the sadness in your voice, the dejection. He never wanted to make you feel like that. Until recently he hadn’t ever been in the position to make someone feel that way—his relationships never unfolded the way that yours had.

He still wasn’t ready to spit out an apology, though.

“I don’t think they’re red tape,” he finally said. He took a deep breath as he reached around you and took the jar off the counter.

“Javi—”

“Let me finish,” he stopped you before you got on another tirade. He easily twisted and popped the lid off the jar you’d been struggling with before setting it back down on the counter. Neither of you commented on it. “I should’ve listened back then. But you didn’t say a damn word to me today once we left here. I had no idea where you were until I heard a call on the radio saying you got fuckin’ shot.”

“Would you have even shown up?”

“How can you ask me that?”

“Because you blew me off once.”

“In a fuckin’ meeting! In a conference room! I would never—” he stopped short, getting himself together. “No one goes out alone like that.” He paused, hurt crossing over his expression for a moment. “I don’t let you go out alone like that.”

If you hadn’t been so exhausted, you would’ve had more angry things to say. More cutting comments to make. But as it stood, you just wanted the day to be over with, wanted the argument to be over with or at least paused. There would be plenty of time tomorrow to keep hashing it out after a decent night’s sleep. You were trying to figure out a way to say all of that when the sound of your stomach growling cut through the tense silence of the apartment.

You sighed, about to cobble together a sentence of some kind when Javi spoke up for you. “Eat. Get some energy to yell at me more later.”

Despite the exhaustion and the stress, you managed a smile. “Tha—”

“That all you’ve had today?” he asked.

“Not really,” you said, your tone markedly different than it had been a few moments before, “but sort of, yeah.”

“I don’t think pickles count as dinner after the day you had.”

“Well,” you reached into the jar with your good hand and carefully pulled one out, “I don’t think that you brought home dinner.” You took a bite of it. “So this is gonna have to do.”

“I can run out and grab something,” he offered, not quite an olive branch but something close.

You appreciated the offer but you still shook your head no. “It’s fine. We’re both home. Let’s just…yeah.”

He knew that he should’ve fought you on it, gone out and gotten something more passable for dinner anyway despite your protest, but he didn’t. Of all the arguments the two of you were bound to get into, he didn’t think it was worth it to make this one of them.

“We gotta get better about cooking,” he said as he stepped over, reaching in and taking a pickle out of the jar.

You let out a tired laugh. “Next year, maybe.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “Thought you didn’t do resolutions?”

“I don’t. But, you know, still sounds good.” You paused for a brief moment. “Yours should be to listen to me more.” There was no real malice behind it, almost like it was a real piece of advice.

He took it as such as he leaned back against the counter beside you, studying your sling, your face, your everything. “You alright?”

It wasn’t funny, per se, but you still had to laugh at the fact that it took you both this long to get to the point in the conversation where he was asking you that. Typically that’s the first thing someone asks when they hear you got shot.

“I will be,” you told him truthfully.

You leaned, letting your head drop against his shoulder. You let out a deep sigh, one that he mirrored soon after. Part of you felt like maybe there was something else that you should be saying, but when you felt the kiss that he pressed to the side of your head, you figured that whatever was left to say could wait until later.

[miel-ji]

Started Off Right

Genre: fluff 

Pairing: Changbin x Fem!Reader 

Word count: 2.3k

Warning: working out, slight insecurity, use of pet names, kisses

Summary: Changbin has been helping you honor your New Year’s resolution of going to the gym, turning your workout sessions into another opportunity for dates. 

A/N: Based on this request by anon! Thank you for sending it in 🫶 I loved coming up with ideas for this. Also that pic of Changbin is soooo alkslalsk I’m more of a cardio girlie and it probably shows but I still tried haha

You have always been bad at sticking to your New Year’s resolutions, but you still set them just for the tradition. This year was different; however, because you had spent New Year's with your boyfriend, Changbin, and his friends. They all went around saying their resolutions out loud, so you were forced to speak them into existence rather than telling an empty promise to yourself like usual. You didn’t realize how supportive and helpful Changbin would be with keeping your goal this year when you did. 

As it turns out, his and your goals were both fitness centered with you wanting to be more consistent in going to the gym, and him wanting to gain even more muscle. Changbin was the one to suggest that you join him at the gym to workout together, in fact his eyes seemed to shine with excitement when he came up with the idea, giggling about being one of those gym couples that Felix had showed him on tiktok. You told him what you wanted from your workouts, and he was happy to take on the role of your personal trainer, helping you develop a plan and stay motivated. You joined Changbin at the gym three times a week when he was home, and he always made sure to send encouraging messages if he was gone. 

With Changbin’s busy schedules, your gym sessions occurred in the afternoon, and after, you made dinner or went out together. Today was Friday meaning it was gym day with your boyfriend, so you completed your routine of getting dressed (wearing the shoes that Changbin got you for your birthday), taking your vitamins and pre workout, and packing both of your gym bags. Once you were ready, you called him to let him know you were on the way to which he replied that he would be waiting for you. You usually met him at the gym in his company out of convenience, but you did find the perks of a private gym nice, like less people meaning less chances of pervs staring while you were trying to lift. 

When you arrived at the gym, it was easy to spot Changbin sitting on a bench in your usual corner of the gym in the weightlifting station. He was dressed in all black that drew out and accentuated all of his features, and this particular outfit showed off all of his muscles perfectly. He waved at you from across the gym with a smile that showed off his teeth. “Hey, bun.”

He leaned over and pecked your lips before taking the gym bags from you and setting them somewhere out of the way but still close by, “hey Binnie.” 

“Are you ready to get started?” Changbin asked, holding out his hands for you to take. You nodded and slipped yours into his, and you started your stretching routine together. You talked easily through the warmups about each other’s days, and whenever Changbin would playfully yell at you for giggling at the faces he would make stretching a particularly sore muscle which just made you giggle harder. 

Changbin knew your routine well, so he went to get your weights and put them on the bar before you even had the chance to do it yourself. He winked at you before taking his place to the side. You shook your head at him, but a small smile stayed on your face as you prepared your stance and grip for deadlifting. You easily got through the first two sets with Changbin complimenting your form. 

“Wow, how’d you get so good at deadlifting?” Changbin asked with a smile in his voice. 

“Felix,” you teased. 

“What? When do you go to the gym with Felix?” Changbin’s expression fell, and he dropped his arms from when they’d been previously crossed. You finished your last rep and put the bar down, laughing a bit out of breath at his reaction.

Despite still wanting an answer to his question, he fetched you your water bottle before adding weight and standing behind the bar himself. “Oh wait, I forgot my-“ 

“They’re right here, bun.” You finished for him and walked over to put on his wrist straps for him. 

“Thank you,” he quickly kissed your lips before you moved out of the way. “But that doesn’t answer my question.” He raised a question eyebrow at you, and he started his own set. 

“I’m obviously kidding, bun.” He playfully scowled at you, and he returned to focusing on his lifting. 

“Hey, how’s my form, huh?” He asked eagerly. You both already knew that his form was perfect, but he always was soft for your praises. 

“Looking good, bun.” You said before leaning over and smacking his butt as he was bending down to lift the bar again. 

He yelped in surprise, “babeee. Stoppp, I’m trying to focus.” He said with a bit of a whine, but you could see the small smirk on his face as he finished up his workout. You did the same for him that he did earlier by getting his water bottle for him before getting ready for your next workout. 

Soon you and Changbin fell into your usual rhythm and worked through your routine either together or side by side. You thought back to your gym habits before and realized that having Changbin as a workout buddy had instilled a new motivation within you. You preferred the sound of his voice and laugh during your sessions over music, and his presence alone seemed to be energizing. With Changbin, time in the gym changed from something you felt obligated to do into something you looked forward to. 

Before you even knew it, you were reaching the end of your workout, only having two exercises left. The next one was hanging knee raises, and while your legs were already burning and sweat was dripping from your hairline, you wanted to push through. Taking a deep breath, you jumped up to grab the bar but had to drop back down when you didn’t grip it well enough. “Hey, are you good, bun?” Changbin asked, immediately appearing at your side and placing his hands on your waist. 

You nodded your head and shook out your hands to try again, but Changbin never moved to let you go, instead looking down at you to study your features for any signs otherwise. “Let me help you?” He asked, wearing an encouraging smile. 

“Okay…” you agreed quietly. Changbin never made you feel weak if you needed help at the gym, and for that you were grateful, having been insecure about this during your earlier sessions. He reassured you it was one of the best ways to help yourself improve when you had someone there to support you. When he would ask you for help, it would give you a warm feeling that he trusted you, and you wondered if he felt the same when the roles were reversed. 

He brushed back your hair that had fallen out of your ponytail and kissed your forehead before his hands returned back to your waist. He lifted you up to the bar and waited for you to securely grip it before letting go. “Yes, that’s it, bun.” He said once you had started the exercise, observing you in a proud stance with his hands on his hips. 

His words spurred you on as you tried to focus on his voice and your breathing to get through this last push. Your arms were burning as well as your core and thighs, but you kept going. “You promise I’m your only gym buddy?” Changbin asked suddenly in a more vulnerable tone. 

“Bun,” you laughed breathily, “I promise.” 

“Good,” he grumbled, waiting for you with your water bottle again once you finally finished. You happily accepted it from Changbin, and you chugged down some water before he started his own workout. Weighted planks were the last thing in your plan, and they were your absolute least favorite. Your arms were screaming from the previous activity, and you felt even more sweat cling to your body.

You looked over at your boyfriend who was in the same situation as you, but you wondered how the sweat sheening on his skin made him look even more irresistible. His hair was slightly damp and falling in his eyes, but you loved the way it brought out his natural curls more. His biceps were bulging from the sleeves of his tight black shirt, and you couldn’t pull your eyes away from his muscles flexing when he curled his legs up. His face would scrunch up from the effort with small grunts leaving him with each rep, but once he caught you staring, he winked at you and effortlessly completed the rest. 

When he finished, you handed over his water bottle, and he could see you slightly pouting. “You got this, it's the last one,” he slightly laughed and kissed your pout before grabbing a weight for you. You got into position on the mat and made sure to keep your lower body down. “Are you ready?” Changbin asked before carefully placing the weight on your back. 

“Come on, one minute. You can do it. I know you can, bun.” Changbin encouraged you. You groaned, but held the position. “Almost halfway.” 

“Halfway?” you whined.

“Just a little bit more.” 

“Oh my god, this is awful,” you complained further, and Changbin laughed which caused you to shoot him a glare. He quickly tried to suppress his laugh, but you could tell he was fighting hard. . 

“You’re doing so good.” 

“How much more?” 

“Push through, bun.” 

“Changbinnn.”

“Anddd, you’re done.” He took the weight from your back, and you dramatically collapsed on the mat underneath you. 

“I’m never doing that again,” you huffed. 

“Just let it out. Whatever helps you feel better,” he cooed, squatting down and stroking your hair.

You found your strength again and lifted yourself off your elbows, “alright, I’m good now.” 

“That’s my girl,” he laughed from your sudden recovery, and you warmly smiled up at him, feeling better from being released from your plank. 

“Your turn. What weight do you want?” You said, fully lifting yourself up from the mat, so Changbin could complete his. 

“You.” 

“What?” You stopped walking towards the weights and swiveled around on your foot to look at him confused. 

“You, come here.”

“Bun, but what if-” 

“Don’t, don’t you dare.” He said sternly, already sensing your negative thoughts from the tone of your voice. “You don’t have to.” He said more softly, “but I got you, I promise.” 

You contemplated for a second, but you trusted him. You knew that he really wanted to try this for himself, and it did make you excited when he showed off his strength. You shook your head at his antics but smiled as you made your way over to him. “Are you sure?” 

“Oh yeah,” having checked on him again, you sat on his back and made yourself comfortable by crossing your legs. Changbin didn’t even flinch, “can't believe you doubted me.” He spoke up, not showing any signs of fatigue approaching thirty seconds. 

“’m sorry, my baby is so strong,” you cooed and reached over to ruffle his curls, and he giggled at your touch. You admired his broad shoulders as he supported your weight without straining as a minute passed, and you wondered how he was so good as planks. You were still trying to process what happened as you climbed off of him.

When Changbin was back on his feet, he hooked an arm around your waist and pulled you into him, “What was that you were saying?” He asked with a coy smile. 

“That I’m so proud of all the progress you’ve been making,” you smiled back up at him, linking your arms around his neck. He leaned down and kissed you before pulling away, deciding it wasn’t enough, he leaned in and kissed you again and again. He would have kept going with his rapid fire pecks to your lips if you hadn’t pulled away giggling and feeling flustered. “We need to take our picture.”

“You’re right,” he captured your lips one more time for good measure before following you over to the area of the mirrored walls that you could use to take the selfie. Changbin stood close behind you and pulled you into him as you held the phone up to capture the photo. You both flexed your arms as the pose, and once you took it, you showed it to him for approval. “Ooo, that’s a good one.” 

“Mhm, makes me wanna bite your arm.”

“What?” Changbin quickly looked up from your phone to you with a confused but amused expression. “You’ve been hanging out with Seungmin too much.” 

“No? How often does he bite you?” Changbin just shrugged. “Well, it’s not our fault that they look so munchable.” You just shrugged back, and he accepted the compliment even if he didn’t understand your desire to bite him. 

“Ah, you’re right, my biceps do look good in that picture. You should send it to me. Gonna make it my home screen now.” 

You sighed and pouted slightly, “that’s the only reason you want to make it your home screen?” You looked up at him with wide eyes, and he laughed while pulling you back into him. 

“Bun, of course not. You also look incredible. You know I’m so proud of my girl.”

You could feel your heart pick up speed at his words and loving gaze, and you beamed up at him. It always felt nice when Changbin acknowledged your progress, but it felt even better that you could see these changes in yourself. You loved the feeling you got when you finished a session at the gym, and looking back at your photos from earlier this year, you were proud and more confident in yourself to follow through with your goal. You were especially happy to have Changbin with you to support you through your journey, and you cherished the time spent together doing something you both loved.

[thegeminisage]

star trek update time. tuesday we did voy's "night" and ds9's "afterimage."

night (voy):

i REALLY liked this one...a rare w for neelix, whose fear of nothingness is relatable and totally understandable considering he just converted to atheism

it also makes me understand why people hc janeway as bipolar...she's up she's down i kind of get it. not sure if i 10% agree but i do at least get it. deeply enjoyed chakotay's attempts to bring her back into the rest of the ship also

also, chakotay asking tuvok for advice <3 and then later janeway is like chakotay i trust you more than anyone on this ship and you just KNOOOW he is like damn take THAT tuvok! worsties <3

MUTINY AS A TREAT!!!! we can have a little mutiny as a treat.

i love that she was like chakotay i trust you saaaur much and he was like got it i will go behind your back to do mutiny

although, is it really mutiny if they're stoping what is more or less a suicide attempt...no. ALSO, it makes me well up how much they love her. not a single one of them wanted to stay behind on that paradise planet and the last time they almost mutinied it was curing 2.25 resolutions in which she did have to be left behind and like...damn. she's kicking herself for what she did to them but they love and trust her so much. wah. excellent episode

oh and before i forget i loved the aliens in this one also. she was like fuck the prime directive we are in fact taking sides <3

afterimage (ds9):

i miss deanna troi.

it's that bad! it's that dire! at least when deanna was being a therapist on a ship she knew what the FUCK she was doing. exri dax is like hee hee we will figure our problems out together at the same time! we will do it without warning in the middle of your tailor's shop! im a junior counselor i am such a good little girl scout! girl...please

i did really like ezri's scenes with sisko. firstly it's hard to fail when you're acting alongside him (although eddington or whoever did manage) and secondly it's when exri feels the most like "just dax" instead of teehee quirky cute junior counselor wannabe manic pixie dream girl. christ

also, it really riles me that garak is talking about this deeply personal stuff with a STRANGER. even jadzia was nearly a stranger to him - they knew each other but they weren't super close. it was a BIG DEAL when garak even allowed julian to know who his father was, and now with no prompting he's talking about that same father locking him in a closet isaac lahey style in the middle of his shop with zero prompting?? get FUCKED. it was so horribly manufactured. garak should have been working through this shit with JULIAN or at least someone who actually knows him. the betrayal of cardassians is such a juicy bit of acting and character development and we fucking wasted it on this shit!

speaking of julian, i'm also extremely put off by julian/exri...quark/exri actually feels so much more natural and respectful at this point whereas "oh she used to love when you flirted with her julian it would have been you if it wasn't worf" was so fucking excruciating and shoehorned in

finally...the worf stuff is bogus. he has no right to be like this isnt the same lady and then threaten people who talk to her. he also has a right to want nothing to do with her since he's grieving. she doesn't have to like make peace or whatever with him. he's not an obstacle she has to overcome in order to feel like one of the gang~! like she literally could leave :/ too bad she won't.

LIKE THEY DIDN'T HAVE TIME. TO DO A NEW CHARACTER. JUST BE LESS SHITTY TO TERRY FARREL. GOD.

maybe it will get better. i hope it does. but this JUNIOR~ counselor stuff is fucking killing me

TONIGHT: voy's "drone" and ds9's "take me out to the holosuite" - FINALLY. i'm still mad that jadzia never got to play baseball :(

[lurkingshan]

While I think apologies should have been given to Boston (especially for the accusations) and his character was overall overlooked, I don’t think the show slut shamed him. Boston was accepted by his friends, even if they made light jokes about his sex life and Mew’s lack of one at the beginning, until he slept with his friend’s partner. This is one of the places I think the writing dropped the ball, because they could have made a sexual character who had their own drama without being a bad friend. And yes, everyone was a bad friend at some point, I’m just relating this specific topic to slut shaming the character. Him being left alone by his ‘friends’ at the end was not because he was slutty but because he was a shitty friend - once again, I blame the writing but he was the major catalyst for a lot of the drama. On the other hand, Nick and Boston could not have ended up together without one of them changing something significant about themselves, which would have been worse in my opinion. It’s okay to not want a monogamous relationship, and it’s also okay to want one. He wasn’t supposed to change himself for Nick and Nick wasn’t supposed to accept what he saw as crumbs and call it love. I don’t think the disapproval by his ‘friends’ had anything to do with his sex life nor do I think Nick actually disapproved of him it all, so much as he had to move on.

All that being said, I have only related this comment to the character being slut shamed. Overall, I think they simply used Boston for the purpose of plot and didn’t flesh him out the way they should have. Top was also initially a slutty character but was given the time to be likable (I still don’t like him but by the end of the show I didn’t like anyone so I digress). I don’t feel I know Boston’s motivations for anything, and if he was just supposed to be a “natural villain”, why would they make him so upset by his loneliness? It seems like everyone in the show did stupid shit for the sake of drama but they didn’t care enough about his character to let us know why or give him a full resolution. In fact, the only characters that truly got the time necessary to tell their story were the two main couples, and they just mentioned Boston in the process to close out his plot. He could have been a sexual character, who stayed a sexual character, made a bad decision, worked on the source of his behavior, and made up with his friends or found friends who understood him better, but the show didn’t care enough to do so. So instead, we look at it as the show saying “be a slut, and you’ll end up alone” when really I think it’s saying “don’t like monogamy? Don’t be in a monogamous relationship and don’t be an asshole to your friends (when we don’t have time or energy to give you backstory and depth)”

I still overall like the show because I don’t think it was meant to be truly realistic and more so just dramatic. None of the people should have been friends by the end of it tbh, but the performance were incredible and the characters who did have backstory were captivating.

Hello! There is a lot to unpack here so let me break this down a bit.

Boston was accepted by his friends, even if they made light jokes about his sex life and Mew’s lack of one at the beginning, until he slept with his friend’s partner.

I don't actually agree with this. We have been shown from the start and throughout the show that Boston's friends--Cheum and Mew especially--judge him for his promiscuity and look down on him for it. That is super consistent all the way through the finale. Tolerating his presence is not the same thing as actually accepting/respecting him.

And yes, everyone was a bad friend at some point, I’m just relating this specific topic to slut shaming the character.

See, but this is a key point. If everyone was a bad friend, why were only Boston's friend crimes treated seriously, and why is he the only one who owed apologies? The difference is that Boston is a slut and his friends were already treating him as inherently less worthy of compassion and ready to judge him for literally anything. You can't separate the two things, Boston is treated the way he is both because he's a slut and because he's a shitty friend.

Him being left alone by his ‘friends’ at the end was not because he was slutty but because he was a shitty friend - once again, I blame the writing but he was the major catalyst for a lot of the drama.

Just going to point out here that he is the only one who apologized and took accountability for his mistakes, while his friends did not offer him apologies for any of their own rather significant wrongs against him. So who is actually the shitty friend here?

On the other hand, Nick and Boston could not have ended up together without one of them changing something significant about themselves

I don't agree with this, either. In the conversations in today's episode it was clear that Boston and Nick were not on the same page about what being faens meant. Boston was committed to Nick as his faen and to him that meant Nick is the only one he loves, the only one he goes on dates with, the only one he spends quality time with. It did not mean no sexual contact with others, to him. For Nick, being faens does mean they would only kiss and have sex with each other. They needed to get clear on that, and I really loved that conversation in part 2 where they discussed it. Previous to this episode, it wasn't clear to me that sexual fidelity was a requirement for Nick; in fact, he told Boston he didn't need him to change, and the end of the last episode implied that what he really needed was to know Boston cared about him and viewed him as special. We left things ambigous wrt to his relationship with Dan and whether he even wanted to be faens with Boston. And now this week we suddenly had them dating and Dan disappeared into the ether (a weird choice given they intentionally did not resolve these things last episode).

Now all that said, it's totally valid for Nick to decide that he needs sexual exclusivity. He might have thought he could roll with it if Boston stayed the same in this regard and then realized he really couldn't when confronted with the reality of it. That's all fine and fair. But I don't think it's impossible that Nick could have been okay with Boston continuing to hook up with others within some negotiated parameters. They could have found a way to make this work, especially because they both know it's only temporary. The show just wasn’t interested in exploring that.

I don’t feel I know Boston’s motivations for anything, and if he was just supposed to be a “natural villain”, why would they make him so upset by his loneliness?

This is an interesting point because up until the end of this finale, I would argue we actually did have a really strong sense of who Boston is, and so did he. He was always unapologetic about his preferences and honest about what he was willing to give. He is very perceptive and knows how to use that power for evil. He is motivated by what he wants and not much else. He doesn't see sex as such a big deal and is often taken aback when others do and it causes them to get what he perceives as unreasonably mad at him. He thinks people should be wiling to own up to their shit and not blame him for observing it. He usually thinks as long as everything turned out okay, whether or not the way he got there was "mean" shouldn't really matter. He is willing to apologize for specific actions when he knows he was being an ass, but he has never apologized for who he is or what he wants.

And that's why it was really hard to see him reduced to groveling to this group of "friends" who don't care about him and begging Nick not to leave him at the end of this episode. It didn't feel like the Boston we have known up until now, and it didn't ring true.

In fact, the only characters that truly got the time necessary to tell their story were the two main couples, and they just mentioned Boston in the process to close out his plot.

I do agree with this; Nick and Boston did not get enough time in the final stretch and thus there were some noticeable shortcuts in the writing for their arc. That said, even though they got a lot more screen time I don't think TopMew and SandRay turned out much better for it. Things just felt off all around in this final stretch.

So instead, we look at it as the show saying “be a slut, and you’ll end up alone” when really I think it’s saying “don’t like monogamy? Don’t be in a monogamous relationship and don’t be an asshole to your friends (when we don’t have time or energy to give you backstory and depth)”

Nah, for me the only character that doesn't want monogamy ending up rejected and alone while all the people who chose monogamy get very unearned happy endings is not at all subtle. If they wanted to show that love is not conditional on monogamy, they could have let Boston and Nick end on a better note, even if they didn't stay together. This finale felt like an advertisement for monogamous love as a cure to all your problems. And I have no idea if that was the actual intent and neither does anyone but the creators themselves. But intent is not impact and the implications of the way they wrote this are undeniable.

None of the people should have been friends by the end of it tbh, but the performance were incredible and the characters who did have backstory were captivating

Agree with you there! The reason some of us are so disappointed in the ending is because we liked the show so much and have been giving it the benefit of the doubt in how it was presenting its themes. It's a bummer to end this three month journey on a sour note.

[shysquiggles]

Hi there! Why do you think Aziraphale said "I forgive you" right after their kiss ended? Do you think he was referring to the very act of kissing, i.e. forgiving Crowley for kissing him without his consent? Or did it include a more general conotation, forgiving him for what he said, his general thoughts and behaviour?

Okay, there's a lot to ramble about here, and I think its a ramble because I'm not 100% sold on my own thinking. There's a lot of ways to interpret it (one laying into Aziraphale trying to tap into thje fact that Crowley believes he is 'unforgivable' and so using this to try and resolve things) but I do think it could go another way:

Considering this isn't the first time Aziraphale has used "I forgive you" to respond to Crowley, I'm sure it's basically these gays don't know how to communicate (again).

One of Aziraphale's issues is that, while he is very good at forgiving. he really isn't good at resolving personal emotional conflict. I don't mean all conflict -when there's an issue that the two of them are working to solve together (The apocalypse, Gabriel turning up at the bookshop), they work brilliantly. But the conflict I mean is talking about personal disagreements.

When you are faced with a disagreement from a person you care about, its good to talk things out and try to get both of your feelings on the table. You talk, and then you search for a compromise and a resolution. And at times, for a lot of relationships, things can be said that hurt. It takes time to figure things out, and it can take moments of needing to think. But, you do have to face the bumps in order to move forward and to avoid your relationship from falling apart

Here are the two situations that lead to "I forgive you".

The first season, Crowley was exasperated trying to convince Aziraphale to go with him to Alpha Centauri, but still holding his connections to heaven Aziraphale rejects it. Crowley says, "you're so clever, how can someone so clever be so stupid."

The second season, the two of them couldn't reach a compromised solution and, in a clearly agonised overly emotional kiss (truly trying to express everything going on in his head and heart) Crowley is, once again, making an attempt to convince Aziraphale to stay with him. Before that kiss, Crowley said, "you idiot. We could have been 'us'". He also, fully outright rejected the idea of them going to heaven together.

The two of them, despite regular teasing, hold a high opinion of the other. They are a little unit, and they do have each others backs. They protect one another. Receiving an insult (a genuine comment that hurts or something that may feel like an emotionally-driven act) from a person you hold that dear can really hurt.

Crowley used the words "idiot" and "stupid". Plus, clearly, that kiss left Aziraphale in a state of shock and overwhelm. There were a LOT of emotions coarsing through him at that moment, and you can see him trying desperately to work his way through them as quickly as possible. Ideally, they would give each other time to figure things out. This is the most confrontation they've possibly ever had with one another and it's a lot to process. It's also terrifying that the person you care for most in this world can cause such high amounts of emotion.

But even with all those conflicting feelings, there's one thing that Aziraphale is good at: forgiveness. Even when he thought Crowley was about to kill Job's kids, he said 'may God forgive you'. It's how he handles those bigger emotions. How he handles shame, or guilt, or how he handles a strong difference of opinion

Another way to look at Aziraphale's choice to give Crowley forgiveness in this scenario, is like when someone uses the word "sorry" all the time to fix a conflict or an argument. It's used to swiftly resolve the issue and try to get your relationship back on good terms. But, with time, if the issues don't get resolved or addressed, those sorry's soon lose their meaning and you struggle to forgive and forget. You don't fully address the issue, and you're left still feeling irritated and unsatisfied. Eventually, you probably give up.

Have you ever heard the phrase "sometimes sorry isn't good enough"? Well, maybe the same could be said for forgiveness. Sometimes forgive and forget leaves you stagnant in your situation. And I think that Crowley has heard forgiveness from Aziraphale over and over and over. He's given out his fair share of sorry's, and it's been met with forgiveness. But so has everyone else -he even seems to have forgiven Gabriel who was emotionally abusive to the next level. Aziraphale's forgiveness, being offered to everyone, has less meaning now. Even if, in this last occasion, it meant so much more than the others.

It takes a strong heart to forgive in the heat of the moment, and I'm more than certain it was said out of that. To forgive, despite feeling so much pain and strong emotions from Crowley's actions, is a real show of heart courage and strength. And I do think that this 'forgiveness 'does mean so much more than the others (e.g. compared to Maggie's rent). But from Crowley's pov, it may be hard to see that.

For many of us, the default of wanting to patch it up and make it better is "sorry". For Aziraphale, it's the other end of it: forgiveness. But offering forgiveness after a heated moment like that kiss, rather than talking about it, is stubbornly separating yourself from the conflict, not resolving it.

I'm convinced that Aziraphale didn't want that to make Crowley leave. The little 'no' he mouth's as Crowley walks out clearly means he wanted the other to stay, that he didn't want them to separate. But Crowley doesn't want forgiveness. And like saying sorry, all that saying "I forgive you" did is just end the discussion.

Or I don't know, maybe he was just forgiving him for them breaking up idk my brain hurts from this show I swear

[elliepassmore]

Snow Crash review

3/5 stars Recommended if you like: hard sci-fi, dystopian sci-fi, tech bros, sword fighting, VR

TW statutory rape

So...let's have this be the last time I'm fooled by pretty colors and Sumerian cuneiform (also the last time I take a book recommendation from another book). This book and I did not get off to a good start, what with it opening with a million random words thrown together with exposition on what those words meant. Then I got used to it, then Stephenson had to bring in the anthropology and linguistics.

Now, normally I love seeing those things in books. I love both of those subjects and studied them in college and on my own time. That being said, Snow Crash is like if a tech bro was court mandated to take linguistics 101 and anthropology 101, only paid attention 33% of the time, then retold his tech bro buddies all about ancient civilization and ancient languages after having a couple of beers. This is, perhaps, a bit mean, because Stephenson does get some of it right. But then he goes off the rails and while I understand this is sci-fi....well, the basic facts are just plain wrong. Go off, but at least base it in fact.

A slight rant, so perhaps skip these next two paragraphs if you don't want to read about me complaining about linguistics and anthropology more, I'll try to make it brief. Stephenson was off to a good start talking about Sumer and Sumerian religion, he actually stays pretty on track with Sumerian religion, interestingly enough, but then he goes and starts talking about how Sumer was stagnant and yet somehow everyone spoke Sumerian and how me dragged Sumerians out of cave-man-hood.....except, Sumerian wasn't the first language. It's just the oldest language we have written attestation for. People could speak, and were modern humans, well before Sumer became a thing. Hell, Akkadian and and some form of Proto-Old-Chinese (among others) were both spoken at that time, the Sumerians just got to writing first. (and let's not even get into the "cave man" concept)

Further, Sumerian didn't just magically vanish, what happened was a series of smaller and larger civilization collapses caused by a whole host of factors, through which Sumerian gradually went from being the predominately spoken language of the area to a language spoken almost solely religiously due to the influx of newcomers and conquerors to the region combined with certain conquering dynasties forcibly migrating native Sumerians to the outskirts of the empire (where they had to interact with the natives there, who definitely did not speak their language) and bringing other cultural, linguistic, and ethnic groups into the traditional Sumerian heartland. Also, more minor, but there were not "tens of thousands" of languages being spoken in the 1980s. We have approximately 7000 languages today and while we are losing languages at a rapid rate, we are not losing them that quickly. Language, and by some extension culture, was the whole basis of this book and Stephenson just got so much of that basis wrong that, while I enjoyed a decent portion of it, I just couldn't get over the incorrectness of it,

Okay, back to the regularly scheduled programming. As far as plot goes, it was actually pretty interesting following Hiro and Y.T. as they got tangled up in web after web of this conspiracy. There were so many moving parts that seemed disparate from one another and yet somehow connected, and I really enjoyed seeing how it all came together. I liked how things built up and I think the showdown with Hiro gets a good climax, but stuff in the real world fell a little flat. I would've liked to have a firmer resolution with things, even if it left some things open ended. As is, it just feels like a let down.

Hiro was a hard character to get into. He's just kind of there for the beginning part of the book, a problem which is compounded by the sheer amount of lingo and information being dumped on readers at the beginning of the book. He turns out to actually be a pretty chill dude later on and even when he was confused, he at least seemed to grasp things quickly, so there wasn't too much just standing around and questioning things.

Y.T. was a bit easier to like from the get-go, though her lingo is just as confusing as Hiro's. 15 definitely seems young to be doing a lot of the things she's doing, and while I know her mom works long hours for the Feds, I'm surprised she has 0 clue what her daughter is doing. I liked Y.T.'s spunk and tenacity. She could get freaked out at times, but she was a go-getter and immediately jumped into doing anything she was interested in or thought would help.

While I did spend a good portion of this review complaining about the technical linguistic and anthropological side of the book, I did enjoy some of the book. The problem is, is that combined with the factual problems, the book reads too much like your stereotypical hard sci-fi that's easy to make fun of because the authors are using a gazillion weird words to enforce the 'futuristic' idea. Things like "franchulate" I can see where it comes from; 'Kouriers' are on thin ice, but whatever, they're trademarked; but there was a lot of stuff that I thought was just unnecessarily in "sci-fi lingo." All of this put together, plus the very ending of the book, reduced my overall enjoyability.

[sweetchcolate]

drunken honesty

fandom: sugar apple fairy tale word count: 839

A/N: This was inspired by

my conversation with @adribelladonna about what a drunk Shall would be like

that one meme/incorrect quote of a drunk guy hitting on a woman, said woman saying she's married, him crying in disappointment, and the woman correcting him by saying she's married to HIM (or something along those lines)

Tbh though, I don't see canon!Shall ever getting drunk in any shape or form. Don't think he'd be fan of losing control :P

——–

The first thing he came to was the smell of silver sugar.

“Shall?”

Someone was calling him. Their voice was muffled, but sweet, gentle. He wanted to follow it.

“Shall?

His eyelids felt like they were fused together, but he managed to open them. Two red spots on a beige background stared back at him.

He blinked the fuzz out. The two red spots were in fact two eyes. They reminded him of Anne’s.

“Shall?” the person standing next to him asked again.

Ah, so that’s where the sweet voice came from. A hand cupped his cheek, and he leaned into the warmth with a sigh.

Those hands were safe. How he knew, he didn’t remember, but he was sure of it.

That was about the only thing he was sure of, in fact.

What… had he been doing?

He tried to focus, but his brain struggled with even the most simple of thought. He recalled bits and pieces: the clink of glasses, the off-tune chanting, Mythril Lid Pod’s incessant bugging…

Ah, right. Mercury had invited them all to a party — “To celebrate Anne’s fifth anniversary as a silver sugar master,” he’d said. There had been alcohol, and while he hated to drink, he had accepted a glass or two if only to shut Mythril Lid Pod up.

It seemed he had taken more than a glass or two.

Or maybe he just had some really potent alcohol.

Or a low tolerance.

Whatever the case, he was aching, he had trouble thinking right, he wanted to rest, and he wanted—

“Anne,” he breathed.

The other person smiled. “Yes, that’s me.”

Huh? He narrowed his eyes, trying to focus. The person had Anne’s red-orange eyes alright. Their hair was also the right color, a pale pink straw. But most importantly, they smelled of silver sugar: specifically, Anne’s silver sugar.

“It’s really you?” he asked.

“Yes, it’s really me.” Her smile fell a bit and he mourned its loss. He wanted her happy, not depressed. “Are you okay? I think you’ve drank a bit too much.”

The knowledge that this was Anne filled him with… with… he didn’t know what it filled him with, but he felt content and at peace. He leaned to rest against Anne, head on her shoulder. She was soft and cushy.

“I’m fine now that you’re here,” he mumbled.

Anne giggled. It filled him with pride that he could make her laugh.

Her arm came around his shoulders, and he burrowed his face deeper against her. When her free hand reached for his hair, carding her fingers through the strands, he let out a content sigh, mind and senses filled with her.

He could stay there forever.

“Let’s go back, Shall.”

He hummed. If they went back, then he could rest.

Hold on… rest meant going to bed. Going to bed meant leaving her. Leaving her meant being alone.

He didn’t want to! He wanted to stay like this, wanted to stay with Anne.

Ah, but wait. Didn’t married couples sleep together? If he and Anne were married, then he could sleep in the same bed as her.

Newfound resolution in mind, he found the strength to pull back from her embrace. He held onto her elbows for balance.

“Anne. Marry me,” he told her with the most seriousness he could manage.

She snorted. “I’m already married, silly.”

Something broke inside of him. It was like the ground had opened under him and swallowed him whole. It was like when Anne had sent him away, except a million times more heartbreaking and more confusing.

He thought that he knew Anne the best. How could he have missed her getting married? Why didn’t he do anything to prevent it?

But most importantly: “To whom?”

Anne smiled, a bit unsure. “To you, who else?”

And just as quickly as news of her marriage destroyed him, the news she was married to him made him whole again. His heart was back together and fluttering in his chest like a butterfly.

“You’re my wife?”

“Have been for a few years, yes.”

“You’re my wife?”

“Unless you have another brother called Shall fen Shall who looks and acts exactly like you, then yes.”

He embraced her with all the strength he had (which wasn’t very much: his arms felt like wet sugar), tucking his face against her neck, and breathing in her scent.

She was his wife. They were married. That meant—

“We don’t have to be apart?” he asked in a small voice.

“Is that what you were worried about?” Anne hugged him in return, rubbing a hand up and down his spine. “Even if we weren’t married, there’s no way I’d ever leave you.”

“I would never leave you too,” he confessed.

They stayed like that for a while. Lulled by Anne’s sweet scent and her warmth, Shall fen Shall’s eyes grew heavy, his breathing deepening. Soon, he was asleep.

“Shall? Shall, hold on, did you fall asleep on me? How are we going to go home? Shall? Shall!”

[dynamic-power]

The Happiness We Deserve

Chapter 2

Read it on ao3 here

Ship: Gallavich

Rated: E

CW: mature content, language.

Lip has news

Read part 1 here

Jay was long gone by the time Mickey woke up. The side of the bed he slept on when he stayed over was cold and there was a note left on the night stand. Jay had scribbled down the name of the hotel he’d be staying at as well as details about his flight back to Chicago in a week.

As Mickey read the end of the note a third time - I’m going to miss you, Querido - he was reminded yet again about how decent a man Jay really was. He was good, and what they had was good.

Mickey wasn’t in love with him - they’d only been together a few months - but he cared about Jay more than he had any of his last few boyfriends. Jay seemed to genuinely like him, too, southside-sharpened edges and all.

Jay had grown up northside. He had a college degree and a house in a nice neighborhood and a job that paid six figures. He didn’t have so much as a parking ticket on his record, had smoked pot exactly twice before meeting Mickey, and had looked positively horrified the first time he’d seen the unregistered, very illegal gun Mickey kept in his apartment. When they’d first been getting to know each other, Mickey took a sort of sick joy in shocking Jay with stories about his past.

And yet, Jay had stuck around. Jay said it was because he liked Mickey for his hidden soft side, but Mickey suspected that it had more to do with the fact that Mickey lived on the ege of danger, and something about that was intoxicating to straight-laced Jay.

Whatever the reason was, what they had was good . Mickey should be happy. There was no reason he shouldn’t be falling in love with Jay.

Except.

Except it was all so safe, comfortable, tame . Mickey didn’t always want safe and tame.

Jay’s idea of a good Friday night was dinner and drinks followed by a night on the couch, watching a movie. He rarely ever got properly drunk or high and never really understood Mickey’s occasional desire to release extra energy through violence. To him, spicing up their sex life meant fucking somewhere other than bed.

It was fine. But part of Mickey wanted more than just fine. He wanted nice nights in, but he also wanted to go out, get trashed, pick fights, fuck dirty. He wanted someone who was just as willing to find trouble, who wouldn’t hesitate to throw a punch for him. He wanted rough housing instead of foreplay and hard, filthy, kinky sex. He wanted the pain that came from making out with a split lip and the gross thrill of tasting his own blood and cum mixing on his partners tongue. He wanted to be thrown around, shoved into furniture and walls, properly railed -

Sex with Jay was great. Jay had become good at determining when Mickey needed to be taken apart slowly and when he just needed a quick, hard fuck. But even when they were in the middle of those quick, hard fucks, there was still a gentleness in Jay that made Mickey crave something different.

He needed that feeling of single-minded desire, needed that fire that would burn him from the inside if it wasn’t sated. He never felt that with Jay.

It was the sort of passion he hadn’t felt since Ian.

He shook himself from his thoughts before he could slip down that rabbit hole. He rolled out of bed despite the relatively early hour, cringing as dried cum and lube pulled at the skin of his thighs. He dragged himself to the shower and scrubbed away the stentch of the bar and sex and resolutely ignored the flashes of memories, of red hair and green eyes and big hands. He also ignored his aching cock.

This was why he couldn’t think about him. He was happy with Jay, satisfied, stable. He couldn’t compare Ian and Jay; it was like comparing apples to oranges.

I never did like oranges all that much, was his last thought before he slammed off the water and snatched his towel off the rack.

-----

It took a little while to gather all of the adults into the living room of the Gallagher house after dinner on Monday night. Parly because it wasn’t exactly easy to get all five kids upstairs and settled with Franny, and partly because none of the Gallagher adults or their partners knew when it was time to shut up.

“What’s your news?” Mickey finally asked once they were all present, raising his voice to be heard over all of the side conversations going on.

“Right,” Lip said, clearing his throat and wringing his hands in front of him. “Uh, it’s about Ian.” That got everyone’s attention immediately. As far as Mickey was aware, Ian hadn’t reached out to any of them since he’d left Chicago more than a decade ago. “He’s, uh, he’s coming to visit.”

Mickey was glad he was already sitting; with the way his entire body reacted, he was sure his knees would have given out if he’d been standing. His stomach was in knots, his heart was racing, he felt his whole face heat up. He knew that more than one person was now staring at him. He picked out a spot on the floor between his feet and refused to look up from it.

There were a few tense moments where no one said anything before all hell broke loose.

“Ian’s coming?”

“Why didn’t you tell us you’d heard from him?”

“Wait, isn’t Ian your brother?”

“Shut up. One at a fuckin’ time,” Lip snapped. “Yes, Ian is our brother. I only just heard from him on Thursday, and we wanted to iron out the details before telling you.”

“When is he coming?” Debbie asked, sounding much more excited than Mickey felt.

“He’ll be here Sunday,” Lip said.

Mickey’s stomach lurched. It was real, he realized, it was happening. He managed to push himself to his feet. “I need a cigarette,” he said as he stumbled towards the door.

-----

He was lighting his third cigarette when the door behind him opened and closed again. Mickey was expecting Carl, so he was a little startled when Lip sat down beside him.

“How are you doing?”

Micke shrugged. He offered the pack of smokes to Lip, who took it with a nod. “I dunno. I’m surprised, I guess.”

“Yeah,” Lip said with a nod as he lit up. “I was, too.”

“Why now? What changed?”

Lip didn’t answer immediately. He seemed to be debating how to answer and it set Mickey on edge. “He’s met someone,” Lip finally said, “and he wants us to meet him.”

“Fuck,” Mickey said without meaning to. It shouldn’t matter; they hadn’t seen each other in almost 15 years. He was with Jay now. He was-

He was happy.

Right?

He and Lip sat and smoked in silence for a few more minutes, soaking up the clear, cool April night.

“How is he?”

Lip shrugged, stubbing out his smoke. “He sounded good. Sounded healthy, y’know? He ended up in New York, I guess. He’s a paramedic. Rides around in an ambulance and saves life and that shit.”

“Fuck,” Mickey repeated. “Bet he loves that shit.”

Lip snorted out a laugh. “Yeah, sounded like it.” He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Mickey braced himself again for whatever unpleasant thing Lip needed to say. “Look, Mick, you don’t have to see him if you don’t want. They are staying in a hotel so I can let you know when he’s here and I can make sure we avoid the Alibi while-”

“Nah, man,” Mickey said, feeling a wave of appreciation for Lip, but also feeling a little stupid that Lip was offering to run interference for him. They were all adults; they could handle this. “It’s okay, don’t worry ‘bout it.” He took the last drag off his cigarette. “Is it weird if I kinda wanna see him?”

“Nah,” Lip answered immediately. “You two have a lot of fuckin’ history. Honestly, it makes sense that you maybe want to see how he is. Rub your boyfriend in his face, too.”

“Fuck, Jay.” Mickey scrubbed at his face. “I need to talk to him.”

“How much does he know about Ian?”

“Not fuckin’ enough to be meeting him on Sunday,” Mickey admitted. “He knows who he is. I’ve got his name tattooed on me, for fucks sake. But he assumed it was a drunken mistake, and I’ve just never corrected him. We’ve just… Fuck. We haven’t talked about it.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah, I mean, how do I explain to my current guy that the love of my fuckin’ life was-” Mickey cut himself off abruptly.

He’d never really said it outloud before, but part of him had always wondered if Ian was it for him; if that had been his one and only chance at love and happiness and every relationship after that had been a futile attempt to get that chance back. He didn’t want to have that conversation with Lip; he barely wanted to have that conversation with himself. He was grateful when Lip didn’t say anything about his near slip.

“The offer still stands,” he said instead. “Ian is only here for a couple weeks, so just let me know if you want to avoid him.”

“Thans, man.”

“Anytime, Mick.”

-----

Part 3

[alganenif]

Painting: Apollo and Daphne (1908), by John William Waterhouse

Hello again! What I have in store for you today is an update to the "Other Characters" information page. Under the line, you will find some characters of note that you might meet during the game. While they will not appear in this first chapter, it's good to have their basic information laid out. After all, the ROs aren't the only ones who can have secrets, and some might have much more to hide than others.

Maybe you can even start to put together some small pieces of the puzzle ;)

Queen Jumanah (F)

The woman King Estevan married after you and your mother were taken out of the picture. It was a political union arranged with a kingdom from the south when both sides were weakened. She is in charge until the heirs get married and the succession is sorted out. Even if she seems tired, the queen remains resolute in her beliefs and never wavers when people doubt her decisions. Being both a great player in the court game and the one whose blessing you’re looking for, it’d be better if you didn’t displease her too much.

Prince Octavian (M) & Prince Estevan (M)

The two younger siblings, also known as “Tavy and Tevy”. This will be their first social season and only one of them is excited about it. While Prince Octavian (Tavy) is letting it all go to his head, flirting and brawling right and left even before the official opening, Prince Estevan II (Tevy) would rather pretend he's dead and never leave his room. Right now, they are being closely evaluated by the court, which highlights every one of their actions. 

General Sanghoon (M)

Alganen's main general, the late king's best friend and father of Captain Bernart. He's one of the youngest children of a noble family from the eastern border. With no hope of inheriting, he traveled to Alganen's capital to offer his military services. Because of his skill and loyalty, he quickly rose in the ranks and earned Estevan's trust before he came to power. He commanded the battle against the mages and supervised many captures under the king's orders, including your mother and yours. Nowadays, he's the widowed queen's right hand.

Lord Manseok (M)

One of the heirs of the march General Sanghoon comes from. It's a well-known fact that the late king wished to unite the families somehow to symbolize their cooperation, and Manseok looks very eager to make this a reality — through his own union with Princess Johanne. He's been showing interest in the youngest princess since his first social season, and now that she is of marriageable age and he is eligible for engagement, he won't stop until he's the one Johanne gets betrothed to.

Maid Elsa (F)

The head maid of the guests' area and the one Nesteri will have to report to. Elsa got her position at such a young age because of her efficiency, always finishing her tasks before everyone else. Since she is responsible for where you will stay, it would be intelligent not to be on her bad side. Maybe it would help Nesteri to get her trust too.

King Estevan (M)

Your self-proclaimed stepfather. After capturing your land and people, he took your mother and you in as personal prisoners. He believed she was a mage princess since your grandmother was a very influential council member. It was love at first sight - at least on his part. Even though he ended up marrying Jumanah, thus securing an alliance and keeping his dynasty line alive, he never moved on. His sudden death came as a surprise to everybody.

Your father (M)

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