#that make me more emotional that make me go crazier etc etc but its just simply the most vivid in my mind

[cuntstable]

everyday i think about mithrun backstory getting animated and become nauseous and ill

[junk-thrillz]

I wanna hear you talk more about Cody because he makes me insane.

Anon, I would LOVE to talk about Cody. He makes me insane too, he's been one of my favorite pnat characters since I first got into the comic (he was my ultimate favorite until Violet shoved him out of that spot a few months later). Putting all of this under a Read More because it got to be a LOT

It's hard to say what his initial appeal for me was. I think I mostly loved his whole theme of masks and actors and mysteries! The school store scene and its surrounding scenes was my favorite part of pnat basically from the moment I first saw it, and I was DELIGHTED to find out that all of these background characters had insane, hidden depth to them. Cody was especially delightful because him being a dhampir is a crazier fucking reveal than even the school store's existence itself, and once that was revealed it was like a layer of his character had been peeled away. Suddenly his status as the nice, responsible boy was turned on its head, revealing an underlying personality that's a million times more jaded and hurt than was ever previously comprehensible and FUCK it was just so!! Good!! I don't think it was ever about him being a monster, I think it was about the reveal and the intrigue.

I've always loved digging into his character. Before Chapter 8, Chapter 5 was the majority of what we had to go off of for his characterization, and what was in Chapter 5 was already a goddamn goldmine of information. There's a reason why Chapter 5 is my favorite pnat chapter (though my favorite page in the whole comic is in Chaper 4 lmao)!

In the centuries-old past of late 2020, your local weirdo Junk was incapable of separating Cody and Violet from each other in aus, analyses, headcanons, etc. They used to be tied for my favorite character, and it was because I was (and still am) fascinated by their dynamic, the way their respective complexes and insecurities and emotional walls cause problems for them... their argument in Chapter 5 was my favorite scene-within-a-scene for a very long time. All this to say that there's a reason I keep bringing up Violet in a post about Cody; it's still really hard for me to consider one without the other. I love the way they're both protectors (knighthood theming goes crazy in this comic), and I love the way they differ so fundamentally in why they're protectors and how they approach that sense of protectiveness. I love the way Cody jumps to revenge during the Hijeff situation, and I love the way Violet counters that with appalled confusion.

God, can we talk about the revenge thing? The way Cody behaves is fascinating. He's very clearly picked up certain behaviors from his dad, but he thinks that makes him some sort of evil rather than understanding that everyone is a product of their environment. Compared to his dad he's just so... fundamentally kind, with his heart in the right place, but he can't see that because he's 12 years old, in a horrible situation with a horrible parent, and a complicated social situation at school and and-

I'm really glad that he has nice things he can cling to. I can't imagine the nightmare it must be to live in that house. He's got fun clothes he can wear at home on the weekend, he gets to go over to Jeff's house, and those might seem like small victories but they are still victories. I really hope he gets out of there soon. Jesus Christ

Oh oh oh, let's talk about fancontent! I'm going to talk about my own stuff, because there are a lot of very old ideas that will probably never see the light of day otherwise. In the post I'm assuming you came from, anon, I mentioned how I'd mischaracterized my way into the right characterization, and by that I mean both my earliest and most recent interpretations of him really played up his cutesy, smiley demeanor. Very anime girl esque vibe, very over exaggerated movements, very 'actor in a play' type energy. I would often come up with au's that would shove him into some sort of magical girl role, often paired with a healthy amount of body horror for the tonal dissonance. It was, of course, also an excuse to put him in cute, fun outfits. To this day I struggle to draw him in normal outfits that don't make him look like the leader of a magical girl. (If you want a funtastic magical girl au that was actually made for me, check out astralibrary's AU over here.) One of my favorite au's I've ever made was one in which Cody was a magical warrior from another world who fell through a portal and ended up in an ordinary, spirit-free Mayview, where he then had to rely on Violet to get him through the day normal-guy-style. Looking back it's one of my favorite au's in part BECAUSE it involves so many shenanigans revolving around Cody trying to be normal and failing miserably. I believe it to be accurate to canon LMAO

I have so much more I could say about him but I think I've hit the point where I can't put my thoughts into words. To wrap it up, here's a compilation of my favorite Cody panels and bits of official art;

^Chapter 8 Page 44!!

^Chapter 5 Page 44!!

^Chapter 5 Page 58!! I love the way the blur makes his ear look pointy!! You can even see his fangs, a bit!!

^Chapter 5 Page 57!! I love Zack's expressions for him so much

^Chapter 5 Page 165!! "So embarassing", he says, as if he isn't VERY invested

^Chapter 5 Page 167!! Top ten panels that permanently altered my brain chemistry

^Chapter 5 Page 283!! This panel made me nauseous the first time I saw it. Kill your dad, Cody

^Chapter 1 Page 33!! A classic. I love his Chapter 1 look a lot. I love how he's climbing on his chair/desk

^I have an emotional attachment to his old cast page photo.

^CHAPTER 5 PAGE 48. This panel inspired the tiger spectral cody au (not my au, if you haven't heard of it before), and thus made me insane

I think I might have hit the image limit. I got carried away. Here are the honorable mention pages

Anyways. Thank you, anon, for giving me an excuse to go absolutely insane about Cody. I did NOT know this post was going to get THIS long, but once I started it was like I couldn't stop LMAO. I hope you enjoy this thought dump, feel free to send in more asks if you want to ask about something specific/want more lovingly crafted Cody content. If I ever manage to upload a fic to Ao3 with Cody in it, it'll be dedicated to you in the author's notes or something LMAO

[bagheerita]

2, 13, 22, 24, 37 ❤️️

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

Kind of a combination... I don't really "plan" chapters, but I usually start a story with a destination in mind and a general idea of the things that need to happen to get the characters to that point. So for each chapter I do tend to start with a list of "items XYZ need to happen here" and then they just sort of unfold in the way that feels best (and I surprise myself when Y takes a chapter and a half lol)

13. What’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

I'm not sure I know what writing tips are common... and I'm not sure that I follow anything. But I feel like common advice, that I know I've given, is to write for yourself, and I feel like I've gotten better at that lately. I used to be way more conscientious about making sure I wrote characters IC, or that I adhered to canon events. But lately I've been more indulgent about trying to turn my crazier ideas into actual fics. It's been fun.

 22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

Not much. If there's something I haven't done, it's probably because I haven't had time or inspiration to try it out yet. More of a "I haven't had an idea worth writing yet" rather than "I won't write this." I like trying new and different things, such as POVs, styles, and tropes. Most of the things that I would not write are things that I don't read, so they are things that I forget exist so I'm not sure what they are, if that makes sense? There are certain kinks that are just YKINMKATOK, so I'm not going to write that. The big thing that would be something I would never write is: I like happy endings, so I'm never going to write a fic with a completely depressing ending.

24. Worst writing advice anyone ever gave you?

I have a really bad memory for things that I don't find useful (i have a bad memory just in general lol), so if I ever got bad advice I think I forgot it... I think the worst "advice" I ever got was a lack of advice/critique when it was asked for. Several years ago I asked a friend for her comments on something I'd written and her only comment was "It was great." I'm glad she enjoyed reading the story, but I was really needing something more eviscerating- I needed someone to point to the thing I already knew was wrong with the story and help me figure out what that thing's name was so I could fix it.

37. How do you choose where to end a chapter?

This is one of those highly subjective things where "its done when I know its done." I tend to prefer shorter chapters both because I feel like it makes the story flow better and because it gets the chapter posted sooner.  But the main thing is that the chapter needs to accomplish what it needs to accomplish, and it only ends when it's done.  What a chapter needs to accomplish can be very subjective too, but if it's a multi pov fic the chapter tends to end when that character has done and said everything they need to do before the next chapter switches to another pov. For a single pov fic a chapter is usually marked by an event or emotional turning point that I feel like I need to achieve, and whenever that's done the rest of the chapter is just whatever window dressing I feel like I want to add. 

Thank you so much for the asks!!! ❤❤

Join the Ask Game!

[mermaidsirennikita]

what are the criteria for a romance novel to be a 5/5 for you?

I don't know if I have a set criteria, tbh? It's not uncommon for a book that I originally rated anywhere from 4 to 4.75 to get upped to a 5/5 later, based on me going back to the book over and over, being unable to stop thinking about it, etc. This happened with Alexis Hall's Something Spectacular. That was a 4.25/5 for me originally; and I just couldn't stop thinking about it, and my favorite moments from the book, and how much I loved the leads. So I upped it to a 5/5.

Book ratings are personal, and numbers are basically a suggestion of enjoyment. That's why I always say "read the review". We can't avoid giving star ratings. It's just impossible. The review will tell you the why. Say I gave a book a 2/5, but you read the review and it's because the book was all fluff, no conflict. You love fluff! You hate conflict! Maybe you'll like that book. So many of my favorite books have absolutely savage reviews, because I often do tend to like books that are a bit... crazier?

I don't have a chart, I don't have things I tick off that go "yes yes, this is right and this is wrong". I don't rate a book the way I'd grade math homework (which is something I shouldn't ever be allowed to do).

I think that for me, a 5/5 book usually:

--hits me in the GUTS on an emotional level... That's why it's very unlikely that a conflict-free book will get a 5/5 from me. It's not because the book is bad, it's because it is.... borderline impossible for me to get invested in content without conflict.

--has some level of explicit sexual content; it's not impossible for me to enjoy a low-heat book, but there are very few authors that can give me a romance without it that I'll fully enjoy. This doesn't mean every 5/5 book is Sierra Simone-level. I gave Lorraine Heath's latest a 5/5, and she doesn't write super intensely sexual books. The sex is explicit, though.

--makes emotional sense. This doesn't mean everyone acts rationally. It doesn't mean they're always nice to each other. It does mean I can understand why they felt the way they did. I don't agree with all of Enzo's actions in Mafia Madman by Mila Finelli (a 5/5 read) but I do understand how he got to the place he was in emotionally. Same with Gia.

--achieves its goals with respect to its subgenre. I am not going to rate like... Lothaire by Kresley Cole, by the parameters with which I'd rate a contemporary romance. Lothaire, to me, is basically a perfect paranormal romance and specifically a perfect vampire romance. I don't think that a lot of Lothaire's actions and behavior would fly for me with a contemporary hero. If a contemporary hero spoke to his partner the way Lothaire speaks to Ellie at times, we'd be done. But he's not a contemporary hero. He's a batshit insane, pretentious vampire royal who's 3,000 years old and has the memories of countless people he's killed rattling around in his noggin. Which is part of what makes him a great paranormal hero. If a typical contemporary hero was that pretentious and weird, it would make no sense. Now, if a dark romance hero acted that way.... maybe we'd be in business, lol.

--usually, I like to see something that pushes the boundaries a bit? Not always, but it definitely often takes a book over the top. Often, if a book does something where I go "oh, I bet that ruffled some readers' feathers" and it does it WELL, I'm more likely to give it 5/5. Again, going back to Lothaire--the postcoital confrontation towards the end of the book is insane and something truly wild happens. I know some readers who hate it. I think Kresley was bold as hell for doing that, and I think she understood that when you're writing something as built up as his book, you've gotta take some risks.

Similarly, I though Joanna Shupe giving Lockwood a serious health issue that is not easily (or definitively) fixed in The Duke Gets Even was bold. He and Nellie have an HEA, of course, and I can make my own conclusions about how it all turns out for them. But it's not spoon-fed to me. It's possible that Lockwood will have a shorter lifespan. And people who have their lives shortened by medical issues like his also deserve (and often get) romantic "HEAs" with their partners in real life, and it's something we need to see more of in romance.

Some of this is just like, hard to define and again, personal. Sometimes I'll grade on a curve for older books that may have issues, but I understand were of their era... and are not "beyond the pale" for me. I enjoy dubcon and noncon in certain books, even when it's not intentionally written, which is the case for many old schools. Racism and homophobia are lines that will have a book's rating knocked down a peg. And there are older books that I love wherein I get what the author was going for, but mistakes were made that were harmful to the point that I can't in good conscience recommend the book.

[babyboiboyega]

I can explain (Shangqi x f!reader)

Shangqi x f!reader

Prompt: “When everything’s going wrong, the mere thought of you makes it right.” + never wanting to pull away kiss

Content: a little angst, but more fluff

Word Count: 1.6k

Babyboiboyega’s Marvel Masterlist

A/N: this is my first ever time writing for Shangqi (or Shang-Chi), and I already have a lot of other ideas for this incredibly loveable character.

I hope you all enjoyed this!

A heavy sigh left Y/N’s mouth as she unceremoniously dropped onto her couch. The feeling of her limbs relaxing into the cushions almost prompted a moan of relief to follow the heavy sigh. It did, however, make her eyes flutter closed as she leaned her head back.

Y/N had been thinking of this moment the entire day. The moment when her week ended and her weekend began; a weekend of not having to deal with rude, angry-at-the-world customers who decide to yell at her because a privately owned publishing warehouse doesn’t print the book that they want. Or the customers who don’t check their emails for their tracking information and then get mad at her, for some absurd reason.

Another sigh leaves her mouth, and this time with the sigh goes her thoughts of work, entering the empty air for the weekend. 

But being off on the weekend didn’t exactly mean being absolved of texts and calls from fellow coworkers, ranting about customers, or even management. So when her phone’s ringer went off, signaling a new incoming text, she simply kept her eyes closed. She certainly had enough time to read and reply...but maybe later.

The text had already migrated to the back of her mind in the span of a few seconds...and then her phone went off again. This time, two quick “dings” sounded through her apartment. 

Her eyes opened before she slowly sat up, her phone coming into view. Before she could spare another though about her phone and it’s notifications, her hand quickly reached for the remote and pressed the power button.

She managed to flip through a few channels before her phone rang once more, and this time it was accompanied by a few knocks on her door.

Completely disregarding the fact that it was almost 11 at night and she hadn’t been expecting anyone, and being fueled by her now very obvious annoyance, it only took her a few strides to reach her door. In all honesty, she’d had no idea what she was going to say to whoever was on the other side of her door; but whatever had been ready to leave her lips died as soon as she opened the door.

“Shaun?”

She hadn’t been able to control the volume and surprise in her voice, and she saw his grimace in response. She couldn’t find it in herself to care if he didn’t like the volume in her voice; the very next emotions she felt surge through her body was...well, it was a cross between worry and anger. 

“Y/N...hey.” He had a sheepish smile on his face; one that showed off his dimple. One that she had to restrain from returning. But then she remembered the last time she had seen that same smile and the last time she had even heard from him. Her eyebrows raised incredulously.

“‘Hey?’ ‘Hey’?? That’s all...that’s all you have to say to me after being gone for...a month? And some weeks?” 

She could hear the hurt in her own voice, and it made her want to cringe at herself.

‘He could have been doing more important things than worrying about you’ is all that went through her mind.

Her arms crossed self-consciously in front of her.

“Please, let me explain. It’s… it’s actually crazier than you think.”

The hesitance on her part came from her nagging thoughts that flipped between “he was genuinely busy” and “he’s about to make up some absurd excuse for why he hasn’t spoken to you while also letting you down gently”.

“May I come in?” His eyebrows were raised as he gently asked for her permission. Y/N quickly nodded and stepped to the side before her thoughts could scare her too much.

His eyes stayed on her as he stepped past her, entering her apartment. She took a second to take a deep breath before closing the door behind him. 

She briefly wondered how her face looked as she turned to face him. Did she look as hurt and worried as she felt? Could he see her feelings on her face?

“I’m sorry for disappearing for...as long as I did. And I’m sorry for not reaching out at all during that time. But I can explain why.”

His eyes followed her figure as she walked slowly around her kitchen counter. He made no effort to hide the pleading look in his eyes, and he only began talking when Y/N raised her eyebrows from across the counter. 

“Okay. Just...bare with me.” Y/N’s eyes narrowed and more questions filled her mind as she watched him take a breath as if he were bracing himself. 

Y/N hadn’t known what to expect when he had started talking, but she definitely wasn’t expecting a story filled with martial arts, trained assassins, ancient organizations, soul-sucking demons, and dragons. 

Even after he had explained everything, his eyes watching and waiting for her reaction, she still couldn’t find the words to express herself.

Her body was frozen in its same position, and her eyes were wide and staring right at him. As the silence stretched between them, he couldn’t help grimacing slightly once again.

“Also, my name isn’t really Shaun. It’s Shangqi.”

That last piece of information seemed to finally shake Y/N out of her stupor, as she blinked quickly and let out a quick breath. 

“I...I don’t know what to say.” In all honesty, all of this was kind of making her head spin, and it was evident in the way her breathing picked in just the slightest. 

“W-What exactly do you say to someone who’s just saved the world? ‘Thank you’? ‘I owe you my life’- because, I guess, technically, I do owe you my life. Because of you, I still have my life- or my soul.”

At her rambling, Shangqi’s expression shifted from one of wariness to relief to a little worried. It had only just crossed his mind that he was worried that she wouldn’t believe him, and not worried about how she would receive the information.

She believed every word that had just come from his mouth, simply because she knew that he wouldn’t lie about something like this. She knew that he wouldn’t lie to her… at least she hoped he wouldn’t.

“You don’t have to say anything. I...I just needed you to know why I was gone. The thought of letting you go one more second thinking I just...left you was driving me crazy.”

A humorless laugh forced its way through Y/N’s lips. 

“Yeah, thinking I had driven you away was driving me crazy too.”

Before she could even regret her words, her eyes were drawn to Shangqi, whose head was shaking quickly. In a few steps, he had walked around the counter, coming to a stop a few feet from her. 

“That was never the case, I swear. You could never drive me away, not even if you tried.”

At the minuscule smile that appeared on her face, he risked taking another step forward. 

From where he stood, he could smell faint traces of her favorite perfume that had slowly worn off during her day. Her favorite perfume had quickly become his favorite scent, simply because it reminded him of her. 

From where she stood, she could easily see the faint signs of exhaustion on his face. No doubt from the strains of the last month and a half. It made her want to reach out to him. 

“Every second, from the moment we left, all I could think about was coming back to you. Even while staring into the face of a-”

“A mega soul-sucking demon?”

The quiet laugh that left his mouth seemed to weigh on her body, but not with pressure. Instead, all she felt was warmth, and it coursed through her veins with the power of 11 suns.

“Yes,” there was laughter in his voice as he responded, “even while staring into the face of a mega soul-sucking demon.”

As he spoke, he had gradually moved forward until taking a deep breath would easily have their chests brushing against each other.

Y/N couldn’t keep the tremor out of her voice as she spoke, her eyes flickering between Shangqi’s.

“You...you really thought of me when you were saving the world?”

Her eyes fluttered closed as his hand raised and gently cupped her cheek. Soon after, she felt pressure from his forehead connecting with hers. Without hesitation, her own hands lifted, coming to grasp at his sides, desperate to pull him closer.

His breath fanned across her face as he spoke, and it made her hands tighten.

“When everything’s going wrong, the mere thought of you always makes it right.”

His words were quickly swallowed by Y/N’s lips pressing against his with fervor. The hand that was on her cheek gently titled her head back as he kissed her back with just as much passion, while his other hand wound around her waist. They both pulled at the other, as if they couldn’t get close enough. 

The warmth that had been coursing through her veins quickly turned into leg-numbing electricity the longer their lips were connected. Her eyes were closed, and so were his, but they could both see the other’s face behind their lids, surrounded by the stars their presence created. 

The only thing that could pull them apart was the need for air, and even then, as their foreheads connected and their lips stayed hovering over each other’s, they breathed the same air.

Shangqi’s words were shaky as he spoke, his thumb rubbing circles into her skin.

“You make everything right.”

**********

Once again, I hope you all enjoyed this! I would take requests for this character, but I still have a ton of requests for LOK....

But maybe sometime in the near future!

In the meantime, I would appreciate it if y’all would interact in any way with this! Comments, criticism, questions, etc would be amazing, as would reblogs, but even just liking this helps!

Stay safe, y’all!

[kekoma]

— semi as your boyfriend.

can’t imagine not crushing on this man. hope you enjoy.

many many thoughts with this man.

so many that it hurts in good way.

first of all, semi MOST LIKELY named one of his guitars after you.

and i’m not talking about some ordinary guitar that he may occasionally play or anything— nah, i’m talking about the most expensive one that’s gorgeous.

takes the utter most care of that guitar since he plays it often and no one is allowed to touch it.

def learns the songs you like and covers them because this man has bomb ass vocals. i said what i said and won’t take it back.

or he just plays the melody, asking that you sing instead (if you’re up to it)

when semi isn’t covering/playing songs for you then he’s writing them about you.

you’re his sole inspiration for most of the songs he ends up creating and you’re also the first one to hear it before anyone else too.

also something to point out— he creates most of those songs during the night when you’re around.

semi knows most late nights can pull out the strangest topics but it can also open you and him up at the same time when it comes to emotions.

so he’ll be staring at you from his computer chair with his guitar resting on his lap, listening precisely to every word that slip pass your lips as you laid on his bed; rambling about your emotions and how you’re thankful that the universe has put you two in the same timeline.

suddenly he starts strumming a soft tune that makes you feel like you’re floating and turning those words you said not too long ago into something lyrical, something that you two will understand but those that hear it would need to decipher (because there’s no way he’s making it easy for outsiders to understand)

AND if you know a few things about music, can sing well from taking lessons/taking a chorus class in school and/or play an instrument then semi is going AWOOGA 😍 

def can see him wanting to collab with you or asking if you could be his hidden vocals/use your voice in general (meaning he would ask you to record a fake voicemail or say his name a certain way so he can put it in the song)

although if you aren’t comfortable with that concept then he understands and won’t push you to do anything.

whew let me move on because i could literally go on and on about this man being musically talented.

anyways, semi def creates a bunch of playlist for you. 

each one having a description for why it was made and the feeling he wants to give off with it.

something i feel like he may also do is send over songs he currently listens to and says you should listen to it too so you both feel more connected.

BUT really stepping aside from music.

he’s extremely caring and respectful towards you.

truly studies you, making mental notes about everything and makes sure he avoids cause any discomfort.

when it comes to caring— semi semi here might go out his way to show you through his actions if he feels his words and physical touches may not be enough.

i’ll say he’s a bit clingy— dude loves being around you no matter what.

for sure invites you to his volleyball practices and games.

you’re his lucky charm and he enjoys the thought of knowing you’re supportive of him when it comes to volleyball.

also he’s supportive of anything you do as well, even shows up to your events too (but if it clashes with a volleyball then he won’t be able to go obviously but he makes it up by ordering food in and asking you to tell him all the details about what happened)

now i briefly brought pda earlier and its about that time to talk about it... does eita like it?

yeah he does but it’s not very common in public.

the best you’ll get from him is holding hands, small pecks on the lips/cheeks and ONCE in a blue moon will he wrap his arms around you from behind.

there’s no real reason for why he’s like that but hopefully you’re understanding.

now in private; he does a bit more pda. kisses become a bit more frequent, won’t pass up the chance to hold you in his arms through cuddling or whatever.

side fact: semi definitely likes when you’re in between his legs, your back pressed against his chest and the guitar would be settled on your legs— basically teaching you how to play (if you ever asked him to)

“where do i place my fingers next?”

“right here... you’ll bring your pinky up a bit but keep these two fingers on the the second fret.” he’ll carefully move one of your fingers just to put them in the correct place.

“then you’ll strum. i’ll let you try it without my help this time.”

literally would smile when you do it, finding himself falling deeper in love with you than before.

semi adores that you’re willing to learn something he’s very passionate about it and appreciates you for even taking the time for it when you could do other things.

vvv soft and we stan that here.

moving on— lets talk about nicknames really quick.

drumroll please 🥁🥁🥁 

top nicknames: my melody/melody, love, angel and occasionally he’ll toss in lotus along with bambi. 

had to keep it cute and interesting <3 semi isn’t going for the basics.

something to mention, we’ve all seen the way he dresses in casual clothes... now you can either a) hype him up about his clothes to the point he’s no longer concerned about how tendou says he looks uncool or b) help the boy out with his style just a bit. all up to you cutie.

heh now let me discuss dates right because whew~ dates with this cutie? hits deliciously.

of course most of the dates are music related so tickets to a concert is on there, going to certain places (such as a park with others and a little picnic set up) to see free performances from new/upcoming artists and etc.

“that last set was actually good, don’t you think so melody?”

“yeah~ i liked the emotions the singer had in her voice. it really connected with me but what do you think?”

“same thing as you. however, did you notice how they had a shift in the cords that created the perfect harmonic? and it wasn’t completely soft too.”

“now that i think about it, my ears didn’t catch on the first time but yeah. oh look! the next act is going up~!”

but when he isn’t dragging you out for that then he mainly takes you out for a drive/walk around the city, cafes, those karaoke places that also serves food, shopping and stay-at-home dates which he tries his best to make them fun (there’s probably more but im just naming a few here)

dates are normally chilled with him and always fun so we loving it.

bonus: semi FOR SURE has you as his lockscreen. no doubt about it.

he loves waking up to your picture in the morning or even checking the time because he gets to see how adorable his love is.

also on his sns (instagram mainly)— he has a highlight called ‘me and my melody 🎶🤍’ which is filled with a bunch of pictures of you two together.

the pictures are so cute that they end up on Pinterest and everyone starts  spamming your dms with “so 👀 does your boyfriend have any siblings?”, “can you drop a tutorial on how to get a fine boyfriend like yours?”, “ayo 😳 think i can have him on the weekends and you get him for the weekdays?” and much more crazier things we won’t mention here.

another bonus: probably sings you to sleep if you’re having trouble sleeping. don’t try fighting me on this because i won’t allow it.

ANYWAYS, to conclude this before i have complete semi brainrot— dating this man is a 10/10 and it’s worth it.

we love semi eita over here <333

© all content belongs to kekoma 2020. do not repost, modify or translate.

[adminsoffice]

gordon of course :)

First impression:

so ive always seen gordon around as a character but never knew Anything about HL until i played it myself. with him being a silent protag its hard to judge what thoughts on him are just Me and which ones are Him but i think my first impression was just like. what the hell is going on in this man's head. i feel so bad for him hes just a Guy being hunted down by the government. though i think in a way the Real first impression based on my formerly nonexistent knowledge of HL was that hes a tough shooter guy, prior to knowing anything i didnt know Why gordon was decked out in armor and had weapons and knowing it was a fps kinda game i just thought he was Some Guy But Tough and has a gun.

Impression now:

after going through the entire series it was damn hard to seperate my emotions of the Game with my emotions projecting into the character. there are so many feelings i have about Gordon now... he is Just Some Guy and i still feel so much for him. forced chosen one situation makes me feel so many things at once.... i think its great he is just some guy tho and has no expirience with anything related to what hes had to do and i love that as a player i get to feel that way too. we have no idea wtf is happening but its happening

Favorite moment:

there are so many key momnets in HL to expirience through the eyes of gordon... hard to judge it as a character moment when its also a Me moment. i think the moment in hl2 where you're finally working your way through the citadel really stuck. its funny but it reaminds me of the very start of the game where gordon has to get to kleiner's lab.... interesting parallel for thoughts. because during your move through the citadel i kinda felt overpowered with the gravity gun? and to think of that from a character perspective....oughh yeah.... i like that.

Idea for a story:

i mean ill admit im working on it right now. i like the idea of AUs that explore one Change having occurred in the story. probably with all the g-man stuff, it kinda works to envision alternate timelines. so i really want to explore a total opposite start where gordon somehow gets tied up on Breen's side instead at the start of hl2. im sure im not the only one to do that lol, but i have so many ideas for it and im looking forward to writing it.

Unpopular opinion:

honestly.... what unpopular opinions CAN you have about gordon.... its gordon freeman

Favorite relationship:

a lot of relationships for me are Projecting because thats how it is but i really like the canon connection between gordon and alyx. not even regarding potentially shippy things, i really liked interacting wit alyx in the games and i like that shes so good at just befriending their science man who popped up after 20 years. a guy who is just So Confused and at least alyx is there to help in some form lol.

Favorite headcanon:

ive already thrown down a slew of headcanons in my fics (hoh, trans, etc) but i like the hc that gordon is actually, quite extroverted more than people would realize. its just that not talking has branded him as a shy lil guy. hes not. probably had crazier college days than youd assume actually

[technoskittles]

Catradora fic rec list

I mentioned making one of these awhile ago and I’m finally sitting down and compiling some of my all-time favorite fics. I’ve read a lot (like, a LOT), but I feel like a few of those really deserve an extra shout out.

I’ll separate them between multi-chap and one shots, but other than that they won’t be in any particular order. I’ll also try my best to tag the authors here on tumblr if I can find them, but if not, just lemme know if you see your fic and I can edit this later.

I’ll also be including ratings/word count/trigger warnings/etc

(I’ll mostly be including common tw’s so please make sure you also read the tags for anything that may affect you personally! Also, if I miss any, please keep in mind that it’s been awhile since I’ve read some of these so I may not remember all of them!)

Key:

[E] - Explicit 

[M] - Mature

[T] - Teen & Up Audiences

[G] - General Audiences

And for the multi-chap fics:

(O) - Ongoing

(F) - Finished

(?) - Not finished and they haven’t updated in awhile so the author probably died

So let’s get started! (Get ready for a long post obviously)

Multi-chap fics:

1. upper west side by ceruleanstorm (F) [T] ~190,000 words

TW: past child abuse, alcohol abuse

@princessofgayskull

I feel like this is definitely one of the top must-reads for all Catradora fanfics. I know I’ve seen this on a couple different lists but I’m including it on mine as well because it really is just that good.

The chapters are lengthy (but in a good way!) and the story really takes its time to flesh itself out. The character development of the characters as individuals is beautifully done and wonderfully realistic. The pacing of the development of Catra and Adora’s relationship is also sweetly slow, a steady slowburn that invokes that deep-rooted yearning feeling mirrored by the characters themselves.

It’s a really clever premise that takes place in the modern world but implements the canon universe in the form of the book that Adora’s writing that ties back to her and Catra’s shared childhood. The way that aspects of the show were revamped into this fic are so creative and I just....ugh. LOVE.

This fic also has a oneshot compilation that takes place after the events of the final chapter which is currently ongoing and I HIGHLY suggest checking that out as well once you’ve finished this. 

The sister fic for those interested: she’s god (and I found her) (O) [T] ~40,000 words

2. The Devil Is In (The Details) by SeasInkarnadine (O) [M] ~58,000 words

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence, child abuse, emotional abuse, use of recreational drugs, Major Character Death

@seasinkarnadine

This is a really great fic where Adora is an undercover cop who sidles her way into one of the largest gang syndicates to bust whoever killed Hordak, a big gang leader and drug trafficker, whose death was originally ruled as an accidental overdose. Her and Catra (one of the gang members) both know foul play was involved and work together to figure out the truth.

The dynamics between these two is so casual and hilarious but still has those gut-wrenching moments that really ground you and realize that their relationship is dysfunctional on a few levels. The exploration of Adora’s conflicting feelings towards Catra hurt in such a good way as she realizes that she does genuinely care for Catra, but also is aware that what she’s doing will eventually screw her over and land her in jail. It’s the best kind of underlying angst and I highly recommend it.

Another really great selling point that I particularly love is that Adora is deaf in this AU and the author really shows this in such a realistic and natural way that shows she really knows what she’s talking about. It makes the dynamic between the two even more interesting considering that Catra also knows sign language which give the two a lot of moments of mutual understanding that doesn’t extend to the other characters. It’s something that the two of them have that’s sort of just for them to be on that level of understanding and it’s so great.

Also, Morgan is just a great writer in general and I highly suggest checking out more of her stuff (her art too!). She’s one of the writers I’ve looked up to since my beginning days in the fandom and it’s still amazing seeing all the great stuff she puts out.

3. Skinny Love by Maychup (O) [M] ~100,000 words

TW: past child abuse

@maychup

Another staple of big fics in the catradora fandom but for good reason. This fic is a wonderful exploration of events taking place after S1 illustrating Catra & Adora’s relationship in a different path that the rest of the show takes. It focuses heavily on their past experiences with each other and how that affects their current situation being on opposite sides of the war. 

This fic is older, published just after S1, so canon divergence is an important aspect of its build. But the way the story is written is so beautiful and grounded that it’s still interesting even now knowing what really happens in the show. 

Their dynamic is kind of back-and-forth, with Catra figuring out what Adora means to her and vice versa and where the two of them want to go from that point. It has so many sweet moments and steamy ones as well (btw, there’s a lot of smut) and the exploration into each of the character’s pysches is so compelling and intriguing.

4. Faded With Feelings by yesimgay (F) [T] ~24,000 words

TW: recreational drug use

This was such a cute, short multi-chap fic. It’s a bit older but I think it’s still one of my top faves. 

A modern au, Catra & Adora are roommates post-college and trying to make their way in the adulting world. Catra has ADHD and smokes weed to help with that. One day Adora accidentally eats a couple of her edibles and cute shenanigans ensue. And that’s just the first two chapters.

The rest of the fic goes on to the girls figuring out their feelings for each other, especially Adora who, in this case, isn’t really sure of her sexuality. All-in-all, a really cute fic that’s a nice break from all the angst that typically saturates the fandom.

5. Chasing the Spotlight by holymountain (?) [T] ~20,000 words

This is an AU where Adora is hired to be Catra’s, a pop singer, bodyguard. There’s so many cute moments in this, though admittedly it’s been about 6 months since it’s last updated so be sure to keep that in mind.

6. we’ve been making shades of purple out of red and blue by darklady21 (?) [t] ~24,000 words

An “and they were ROOMMATES” au. In this one though, Catra and Adora don’t actually know each other and really only get to know each other over time. It’s cute and has a lot of interesting interactions between the two, but it hasn’t updated in about 7 months.

7. Tuning Out by FaiaHae (?) [T] ~2500 words

I actually really loved the whole concept of this fic but it hasn’t updated in like, an entire year so...only read if you’re okay with the fact that it probably won’t ever be finished haha

8. burnt sugar by jeserai (O) [G] ~11,000 words

@jeserai

Oh god YES this fic. The classic “fake dating” au except Catra is a rich kid inheriting a business who essentially hires Adora, a broke college student, to go on a date with her to this big business function. There’s not a lot to say about it other than that without giving too much away, but the fic is about halfway done at this point so it’s a pretty short read as of now.

Just be warned, it’s currently on a MASSIVE cliffhanger so if you wanna wait until it updates I totally understand lol

9. still waters by summerson (O) [M] ~28,000 words

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, self harm

A “The Last of Us” AU. Personally, I’m not super familiar with TLOU because I could never get into the game myself, but this fic is so well done and the writing style is so interesting and well-executed that I still love this fic to bits. But obviously, for those of you who are aware of TLOU, you already know that this fic is going to contain quite the fair share of angst so be ready.

10. Whispering Dreams by dragonesdepapel (F) [T] ~7500 words

It’s been awhile since I’ve read this one so I don’t remember everything, but I do remember really enjoying the writing style and the construction of this fic. It’s a short read, but it’s totally worth it

11. please could you be tender by erce3 (F) [G] ~40,000 words

@figbian

please please PLEASE go read this fic. I’m actually begging y’all to go read this one I loved it so much it’s still one of my top 10 faves out there.

This fic is set in a modern setting where Adora & Catra were childhood friends and are in college and god it’s just SO. GOOD. The writing style and composition of the flashbacks with the present events is so beautifully done and organized and I really cannot hype this fic up enough GO READ IT

12. buried a hatchet (it’s coming up lavendar) by erce3 (O) [G] ~12,000 words

on the note of that last rec, I highly rec their other work which is currently in progress. It takes place after S3 but it’s an exploration on if Catra and Adora got trapped in the portal instead of Angella and FUCK this person is genuinely amazing go read their stuff

13. Senior Year by SimplyAbsolute (O) [E] ~98,000 words

@simplyabsolute

This is a really cute fic about Adora and Catra in their final year of college and I guess for me personally it really just hits hard because I’m also in my final year of college lol. But really, it’s a great fic and I suggest checking it out. It’s actually only got one more chapter left too so it’s almost done!

14. Assassinating Adora by Wicked42 (F) [T] ~13,000 words

@wicked-42

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Jeez this fic was a real rollercoaster of emotions. I loved every bit of it. 

Basically, some people try to assassinate Adora and Catra stops one of them, but both girls are still inflicted by the poison and....it just gets crazier from there. Don’t wanna spoil it too much but this is a must-read for sure.

And this one may seem like cheating but I’m gonna plug one of my own multi-chap fics here

15. Pure Feeling (O) [T] ~30,000 words

TW: brief mention of sexual assault in Ch 5

This is a modern AU set after all the kids have been out of college for a few years. 

Adora and Catra were childhood friends but ended up drifting apart and falling out during their college years. Fast forward about 6 years and they run into each other again, except now Adora has a daughter and is struggling to balance her life as a single mother. Overtime the two girls work on rebuilding their friendship and somewhere along the way might even realize that they’re feelings for each other never really went away. But of course, like all things in life, this isn’t an easy process and they run into more than a few complications - internal and external.

One Shots:

(there’s so many of these I’ve loved so I’m really going to try and narrow it down to about 10. If yours didn’t make it, no offense! I just have WAY too many to include and this post is already so long haha)

1. The Interlude That Never Ends by FMLClexa [M] ~2500 words

TW: Major Character Death, brief mention of sexual assault

Okay I’m gonna be honest: If you ignore all the other fics on this list, READ THIS ONE. This is absolutely my #1 favorite without a doubt. It’s a soulmate/reincarnation au and it’s so wonderfully executed that I honestly cannot even begin to tell y’all how much I love this one. It’s old and one of the first fics I ever read, but it’s so timeless and excellent and I promise you won’t regret reading it. I know I’ve read this about a million times over.

It’s been a whole year and this has held my #1 fave position the entire time. READ. IT.

2. after party by summerson [M] ~2000 words

TW: recreational drug use

God this fic was so great I read it last night and I’m still in awe in how well it was written and the emotions it managed to invoke in me. My favorite scene is the part where Catra tells Adora “I love you” because it’s so raw and desperate and I vibed with it so hard. It’s really difficult trying to tell someone how much you love them with just a few simple words because they really just don’t convey how much you love them and it’s so frustrating and GAH this fic was fucking great please read it.

3. jigsaw by jeserai [G] ~2500 words

@jeserai

This fic is so great and I felt so warm inside reading it. Definitely read if you want sweet, slow friends to lovers burn.

4. Vicious by SeasInkarnadine [M] ~3500 words

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-Con

I really highly recommend this one if you can get past the trigger warnings. It was so well written and very suspenseful with the juxtaposition of the timeline between current events and snippets of what had happened just hours before. But the ending is really sweet and the way that Catra cares for Adora after the whole thing squeezed my heart to pieces.

This is one I’ve read a few times over because of how much I love it. Def in my top 3.

5. Basement by spookyscaryskeletons [G] ~2800 words

This was such a great rendition of “Adora and Catra are forced to talk” and the emotions were raw and bleeding and I love the character portrayals. 

6. Coming Apart by Whorls [E] ~13,000 words (or ~6,000 words each chap)

@crazy-pages

Okay this fic technically has two chapters but I’m including it here in the oneshots because the chapters are identical in the sense of story but the only difference is that in chapter one Catra is a cis woman and in chapter two she’s a trans woman pre-op. Other than that the chapters are identical so it’s mostly based off which experience you would rather have while reading.

This fic was. So. Fucking. Good. Sen did such a fantastic job with both aspects of this story and I love it to bits and pieces. The smut in the beginning is delicious as can be, but then towards the latter half it absolutely sucker punches you with feelings but in a good way. I really, really fucking love this fic and I think it needs more attention than it initially got so I’m imploring you all to please go read this fic. It’s fantastic.

7. Seconds That I Cannot Replace by Mogatrat [M] ~7800 words

TW: child abuse, underage(?)

This is a really heartbreaking fic set before canon. It’s about all the times that Catra and Adora started a romantic relationship only for Shadow Weaver to come in and ruin everything by constantly erasing and resetting Adora’s memory. I still think about this fic from time to time. Give it a go.

8. Come morning light by dragonesdepapel [T] ~1800 words

TW: Major Character Death

Another one that’s technically two chapters but it’s the same events, just covers the perspective of each girl. Adora’s dying and asks Catra to stay with her.

Basically this fic ripped my heart out and I still think about it sometimes.

9. someone you like by caela [T] ~5100 words

oh fuck me yes this fic. A modern au where Catra sorta stalks Adora on instagram and accidentally likes an old picture. Fluffiness galore.

10. When You Came Calling by ActuallyMe [E] ~5200 words

TW: Major Character Death

A 1940′s Mob AU where Catra is a private eye and Adora married high-ranking mob boss Hordak...who’s just been murdered.

Really great one shot. Personally I would’ve loved to see more come of this but it’s great on its own.

And once again, this is cheating but here’s a couple oneshots of my own that I wanna plug real quick

11. hang tight (all you) [T] ~9200 words

Modern AU fic set when Catra and Adora are in high school. Adora struggles to come to terms with her sexuality in an discouraging environment as well as the fact that she’s had a crush on her best friend since middle school. Personally I think this was one of my best works and a lot of other people seem to have liked it too so yeah!

12. as my World d[ivides] [E] ~2500 words

TW: Rape/Non-Con, Underage

One of my darker fics, but still one I’m pretty proud of. Without giving too much away, Adora suffers from a trauma and engages in unhealthy coping mechanisms and Catra enables her because no one’s taught them any different.

[ladyonfire28]

Here’s a (disastrous) translation of the interview Adèle Haenel in France Inter back, in their « Popopop » radio show back in June 2019, when she was promoting her film Le Daim. They rebroadcasted a couple of days ago. I’m really sorry about how messy that translation is, it’s even worse that usual lol. But anyway here you go:

Begins at 6:00 - 

The lady interviewer, Charline Roux (CR), talks about Adèle’s filmography: Les diables, Naissances des pieces, l’Apollonide, Suzanne, Les Combattants etc.

6:45

The presenter Antoine De Caunes (ADC) says that if she gets two more Césars she can make a coffee table out of them (the 4 legs of a table). And she replies that only one César is enough for that.

7:00

De Caunes asks her how does she feel when she wins awards.

AH: It’s enjoyable obviously and it gives you confidence. And it’s encouraging. I try to be sincere in my work and to have this support reinforces my desire to work that way.

ADC: It makes you feel like you didn’t take the wrong turn ?

AH: Or everybody is taking the wrong turn with me

CR : You’ve been nominated almost every year for the César (2014, 2015, 2018, 2019 and she didn’t know yet but 2020)

AH: Yes it true

CR : So you’re not really taking any wrong turn here

AH: Yes but it’s not the reason why I do this, but I’m happy when it happens of course. It helps me staying confident in a job envrionment that is quite unsettling.

8:00

So then they said they asked for her « pop » list, which are her favorite book, film, tv show and song.  So De Caunes says that Adèle’s book choice was Mémoire de fille by Annie Ernaux published in 2016.

Charline then talks a bit about the book and then Adèle reads a short extract of the book. Then she explains why she likes it.

9:23

AH: I love Annie Ernaux and you chose a very good extract for me to read because it talks about how she tries to find her presence in her absence of life. And this where she really tries to find who she is. And it’s very powerful and it’s a very honest writing.

DC: You like all of her writing  ?

AH: Yeah I love the writer she is.

Then De Caunes says Adèle chose Carol as her favorite film. And then Charline explains the plot of the film.

10:35

Then De Caunes asks why she likes the film so much. If it was because of the complicated love story, Todd Haynes, Cate Blanchett, the drama, all of that ?

AH: It’s all of this together. To me it’s an amazing film, a film that makes the emotions speak. For me Cate Blanchett is an incredible actress, she plays that fantasized character but we also see the fractures that appear in her character and in the image. I find her way of working wonderful and the image is beautiful. And also the relationship between brave and beautiful people. I love that film.

ADC: When you see Cate Blanchett acting you as an actress -

AH: I’m so thrilled haha, it’s amazing

ADC: Yes but do you tell yourself « this is what I’m trying to reach »  ?

AH: What I like about her is that she doesn’t try to just act well, she takes the job as a artistic research. And it wouldn’t be good to try to do like her but to follow that way of working, that spirit, that’s interesting.

CR: And what is great is that she does that no matter what is the film. She does that with Carol but also with Thor. Even in Thor we believe in it and she’s really good.

AH: She’s always searching and I don’t know her personally but this way of being is always the most enjoyable and the most interesting one.

12:08

ADC says they also asked her to chose a tv show but Adèle had nothing. And he asks her why she doesn’t watch them.

AH: Well I don’t know why. I just don’t. And I wasn’t going to give you a show like Une femme d'honneur *laugh*  (it’s a terrible cheap French show)

CR : Because you really watch Une femme d’honneur ?

AH: No but not anymore *laugh*, it’s awful, but yeah I just don’t watch shows. I find them very interesting when people tell me the story but I don’t watch it.

ADC: Is it because it’s too long ?

AH: I don’t know, I just don’t, I don’t find the time for it, I’d rather read.

ADC: Well since we’re not scared of anything, we will recommend you one show that is linked with one of your inspiration for Le Daim

CR : You said you got inspiration from the Goosebumps books so we’re recommending you the series adapted from the books that was broadcast in the late 90’s on France 2. They’re now on Netflix

AH: I didn’t think of it but if I did I would have watched it.

ADC: Let’s finish your pop list with the song you picked and it’s this one: *Mississipi Goddamn by Nina Simone is playing*.

13:55

ADC: So what’s up with Nina Simone ?

AH: Nina Simone is an wonderful artist. Sometimes in her songs she’s really in the present moment and it’s the goal of every artist. I love everything she does and here it’s really beautiful because there’s a political thought that leads to anger that is used as an artistic inspiration and that’s very powerful.

DC: So you’re more Nina Simone than Joe Dassin, who’s in the soundtrack of Le Daim

AH: Well a priori yes.

Then they’re doing a mix of all her pop list.

15:20

DC: So do you recognize yourself in that mix ?

AH: Well it’s pretty well done live yes.

They play some music

17:00

De Caunes explains the story of Le Daim and tells Adèle it’s a pretty weird plot. She agrees. And he asks her if that’s how they presented her the movie.

AH: No they gave me the developed version of the story, which is called a script. And then I made my own pitch with it.

CR: So Quentin Dupieux didn’t just come to you and tell you « its’ a story about a guy with a jacket »

AH: Actually he didn’t explain me anything, he sent me the script directly

ADC: In the past Dupieux made Steak, Rubber and Réalité. But for that one he said he he wanted to film about madness. So are we close to that with that film ?

AH: Well to me there’s always a part of madness in all his films. I don’t know if we’re close to that but we’re in his world.

CR : What did you see from Dupieux before saying yes ?

AH: I loved Réalité. I didn’t know much about his films. And so I’ve been told to watch Réalité and I loved it. And I also saw Au Poste later. And What I love is that crazy side. And that’s why I wanted to do that film. The main character is the jacket, the supporting role is Jean Dujardin, and the third character is me. And I tried to make a character that goes along with the film's craziness.

Then they play a extract of the film.

19:35

Charline talks about Denise, Adèle’s character. And since we don’t know much about the character’s background she asks Adèle if she imagined one for her.

AH: No, not at all. I think all the characters are really uprooted in this film. What I tried to do is to find a goal for her. Her goal was to shake her reality by adding some craziness in her life, even if it becomes macabre in the end. So I tried to focus Denise’s fascination on the jacket. That was the idea. ADC: A suede jacket, which is the main character as you said, worn by an Oscar winner. How did you work with the jacket, did you feel like you had two different co-workers with Jean Dujardin and the jacket ?  Was it easier, harder ?

AH: No it was great because originally, Denise was written in support of the character of Georges. And what I tried to do with Dupieux was to change this so Denise wouldn’t just look at Georges but also the jacket. And that’s how the relationship with Jean Dujardin could really be developed. Georges was so obsessed with that jacket, the only thing he was looking at were the people interested in the jacket and everything around the jacket. And when Denise started to focus on the jacket Georges saw a partner in her. So we built our relationship like that.

ADC: And you also yourself stopped wearing jackets, you came here in a sweater.  

AH: No no, I just let my jacket outside

DC: Oh well sorry

CR: Dupieux said he wanted to talk about madness with this film but he also wanted to make his first realistic film. So how do we try to be realistic as an actress in that kind of film ?

AH:  That was the whole point of the movie in the first place. My idea was to include my character into this crazy film and I didn’t try to be realistic. Jean Dujardin has an amazing character and totally crazy from the beginning and I thought I had to make my character become even crazier because she’s a normal person and we don’t see her becoming mad.

CR: So we have to ask that question. Do you consider your fashion style as « un style de malade » (it’s a catchphrase from the film that means « dope » basically)

AH:  *laugh* yes yes… nope.

22:33

ADC: So I read that you have many inspirations from the Wolfe in Tex Avery, to Jim Carrey in The Mask or even Nicole Kidman in Eyes Wide Shut. What do you take from those people to make your own thing ?

AH: Well I kinda say this without really thinking about it. We all say stupid things sometimes. But what I like in Tex Avery is how you imagine your body as something else that what it is and I creates an physical imaginary that I love. For Nicole Kidman I don’t know, I must have answered that without really thinking.

ADC: You prefer Cate Blanchett now

AH: Yes I do, but I already talked about her. And for Jim Carrey, he’s the human version of Tex Avery. I love how he doesn’t even think about his acting and if he’s acting well. He’s going mad but with so much honesty. And it’s so great to see imagination pictured like that.

ADC: Is it something we develop more in comedy ?

AH: I think it’s more necessary in comedy. It’s harder to run away from that. But you can bring that in drama and all genres. There’s not just one way of acting, which is why it’s great.

24:11

CR: We’ve seen you more in dramas but comedies suit you very well like we saw in Le Daim or in En Liberté !. Is it a choice not to do a lot of comedies or don’t you get a lot of offers ?

AH: Until now people didn’t offer me a lot of comedy roles, they probably thought I was boring as fuck. But I’ve always loved comedy as a spectator, it’s a way to discover everything we can do in acting. We’ll see what happens now.

ADC: What do you find in comedy that you don’t in drama ?

AH: The imaginary is stronger in comedy. There’s also a very strong accountability. But it’s also present in drama, it’s pretty much the same, there’s a dialogue in both. And we’re also less in the continuity in comedy. That’s what I learned with Salvador in En liberté!. There’s a much more discontinuous rhythm in comedy, where in drama it’s usually more flat and it’s about the rise of emotions.

CR: And didn’t you talk about an experience that was more collective in comedy ?

AH: Yes we built the rhythm with two people. So yeah it’s a collective work with your colleague but also, for me at least, I can’t do comedy on my own, so the look and support of the director is really needed and they can help us with the acting. We’re more independent in drama.

ADC: in the soundtrack of Le Daim we only hear one song : *Et si tu n’existais pas by Joe Dassin plays*

AH: I love that song, it’s beautiful.

ADC: Is it a song that capture the craziness of the film ?

AH: well there’s that kind of nostalgia - I think it’s a very beautiful song, it wasn’t in my pop list but I love it. But yeah there’s that nostalgia, like a boat that leaves the coast and won’t ever come back.

26:43 - end.

[gingermcl]

Raising personal frequency and why it matters.

I am not a love and light person. As in we must be positive all the time and negative feelings can’t exist. No. As someone who can literally feel a persons energy, I will say that negatively charged energy has a heavier feel to it. You literally can feel the density in the air in a room shift when an extremely negative person walks in. There is some truth in all programming. Even in psychological operations like the new age movement. The new cage movement. Earth is a realm of duality; good and bad exist here. In a realm of duality, the goal is balance. One must innerstand darkness does exist in all of us and that is ok! Too many people want to pretend darkness doesn’t exist and by ignoring evil, it grows. Don’t let the darkness control you. Anyone pushing that we have to make the darkness go completely away or that it shouldn’t exist is misinformed and I would be cautious listening to advice from said person. I would be leery of anyone attempting to tell another how to live. Pushing your will on another is the definition of black magic. With anything I ever discuss, if you don’t agree that’s cool. I’m always open to hearing new ideas and perspectives; please don’t approach me in a nasty manner. I won’t engage someone unable to have an calm conversation. Engaging and regularly interacting with negativity or negative people is a good way to lower your own frequency. We often tend to carry a frequency similar to our friends, this is why so many outgrow friends after having a spiritual awakening. We literally outgrow people on an energetic level. 

Raising personal frequency is important. Lower vibrational energies literally cannot affect folks on a higher frequency. I made a conscious effort 7 years ago to change who I was. A girl in a rehab therapy group told me about myself and I did not like what I heard. She said I was one of the most negative people she had ever met and as I began to examine my behaviors and my words, I realized she was right. It took a couple years of conscious effort to change my mindset from negative to positive. I can say today the results have been priceless. I am very appreciative of her giving me a wake up call.

If what we are told is correct and atoms are in fact what compose matter; everything in this universe is sound. Atoms are said to be made of waves and vibrations. At the molecular level atoms don’t actually touch. Atoms get extremely close to one another but they never fully touch. They’re independent energy fields and when densely packed together atoms form matter. Matter is dense....which goes along with my observation of negatively charged energy being heavier. Higher dimensions are said to be heavenly and they also do not have dense physical matter. I’m not entirely certain that physical existence isn’t a prison for the spirit. Our bodies are made of cells, prisoners are put in cells. It is blatantly obvious that those in control of this realm would like humanity on the lowest frequency possible. One intention of mind control programming is to lower the frequency of mankind, keep man in a angry, fearful, depressed, lower vibrational state. It is highly likely there are malevolent beings harvesting humanity’s soul energy. This energy is called loosh. All emotions create loosh; for some reason negative emotions generate more or more desirable energy.

The negative humans and other unseen beings/energies who have been in control of this realm for thousands of years now feed on what is known as loosh. Loosh is the life force energy created by humans when they experience emotions. Low vibrational emotions such as anger, sadness, depression, and even apathy are preferred by these negative energies than the loosh generated by positive emotions. Feeding these malevolent energies is why so much programming is done to divide the people, to make us hate our lives and ourselves, to blame mankind for the evil here, and many other trauma based mind control tactics are in place to keep humanity in a lowered state of existence. There are individuals who feel a deep seeded guilt in the heart just for being born due to this programming! The moon is thought to be emitting a low frequency in order to mind control humanity. Hence why when at full power a.k.a. a full moon humans act crazier and even violent. A full moon is when the Saturn moon matrix broadcasts the strongest signal.

If you are a person who has discovered that evil is running this realm, the best thing you can do is to do the exact opposite of what the controllers want; work on making your life peaceful, exposing the evil, healing your trauma and reprogramming yourself, disengage from the “matrix” every way you can. Be mindful of where you spend money, try not to use money, watch your words, push out negative thoughts, and love yourself. Anyone “awake” should absolutely strive for a higher frequency, honestly everyone should strive for a higher frequency. Existence is much more enjoyable and calmer when you are on a higher frequency. The law of attraction is legitimate. We attract back to us exactly what we put out into this world. Putting out positivity attracts pleasant situations and focusing on negativity creates unpleasantries.

Extremely high and extremely low vibrations do not mix, they tend to separate themselves from one another instead. Society is currently being divided. Those who are fearful are going one way and those of us who want unity are going another. How this ultimately will play out, time will tell.  

Sleep paralysis is potentially based solely on frequency. Sleep paralysis occurs when your frequency is too low. I’ve heard folks say sleep paralysis is necessary for astral projection; that is not true. Sleep paralysis is unnatural and caused by a weapon of some kind. A frequency weapon. Those on a too high frequency cannot be manipulated by such technology.

In my opinion being on a higher frequency is better is because you have access to more spiritual information and any metaphysical ability you possess functions exponentially better on a higher frequency. When my frequency goes too low, certain abilities vanish. Frequency fluctuates regularly. It typically stays in a a range normal for you, but extraordinary events like a crisis or confrontation can dramatically drop one’s frequency; it can take days, weeks, or even months to recover from some circumstances. Recognizing how important frequency is and learning how to raise your frequency are important to spiritual development. When on a higher frequency you have a better connection with your intuition, are less susceptible to mind control programming, and psychic attack.

How to raise frequency.

Meditate regularly - at least three times a week for 15 minutes to start

Spend as much time as possible outside in nature

Daily Grounding/Earthing. Walking barefoot on the earth for 15 minutes every day. Weather permitting.

Positive thoughts, actions, words, and deeds. Developing positive mantras to repeat throughout the day is helpful.

Breath work

Engage in as little conflict and negativity as you can.

Avoid alcohol and prescription drugs.

Don’t be too serious or have too many expectations for this will create resentments. Events will never unfold as we expect them to, people are much better served by going with the flow and observing how events unfold as they happen; don’t anticipate events ahead of them occurring.

Work on conquering fears. Especially the fear of death.

Practice compassion, empathy, and kindness towards everyone. Humans are equal; one isn’t better than another. Our life choices and luck is often the only thing that separates us.

Laugh

Exercise. Make sure you do something you find fun, not something you dread. Any kind of physical activity where one is having fun will raise his vibe. Dancing is a personal favorite.

Take a break from technology

Be mindful of how much time you spend on technology. Put the phone down during dinner or when you should be engaging with the people literally in front of you.

Wear and decorate with crystals. Black tourmaline and obsidian are good for negativity.

Decorate with high vibrational plants jasmine, aloe vera, or a snake plant

Be mindful of what information you watch and listen to. Movies, TV, music, social media, etc. It is best to just turn off the TV for good. Television is a weapon. Be very conscious of what information you allow to enter your mind.

Minimize interaction with toxic people. Keep conversations short, topics shallow, and have an exit plan if at an event where the environment may get unpleasant. For example drive your own car, have a friend or the babysitter call and oops I have to go….boundaries to protect your energy aren’t bad.😉

Thank your food for its life and sustenance prior to consuming it (plant or animal.) Doing this changes the food into higher vibrational intake.

Regularly cleanse negative energy from your personal spaces. Energy cleansing methods are decluttering, letting fresh air and light in, clapping loudly in the corners of a room to move stagnant energy, smudging, epsom salt baths.

Aura cleansing, visualization, cord cutting meditations

The above tips will have a positive effect on your frequency. Remember your thoughts create your reality and you get back what you put out into the universe. If your thoughts are consistently negative be prepared to have negative experiences. If you are hopeful, have faith in your ability to manifest & the universe’s ability to make things happen for you, have generally positive and laid-back nature, you will reap great rewards and experience feelings of happiness, contentment, and abundance.

I feel it is obvious by the state of the world today that humanity has been in a very negative state of mind for quite some time. There are millions of us (if not billions) that are here to change this reality, not to adapt to it. We have been called Starseeds, indigo children, and light workers; regardless of label the intent is the same - to create a positive reality on earth, to rid this place of evil, to liberate humanity from enslavement, and teach them a new way to think. We are here to help humanity realize humans are powerful creator beings and these powers have been stripped away by literal genetic manipulation. It is time for the devolution of mankind to end and for humanity to begin ascending back to the higher dimensional consciousness we once were.

[aurorawest]

ten faves

Rules: name ten favorite characters from ten different things (tv, movies, books, etc.).

Thank you for the tag @thegirlwholied!

Loki (Thor, The Avengers, general MCU)

I mean...obviously, right? He’s got it all. A sympathetic villain with a tragic backstory, a snarky, sarcastic sense of humor, The Smart One, but also, complete and utter trash fire, emotional wreck; just wants to be loved. His redemption arc hits me right in the feels and I’m here for the disaster of a relationship that he has with his big brother. His angst and dramatics make him an utter joy to watch and write about. V pretty, too; makes me wonder if I am in fact just a little bisexual. 

King Candy (Wreck-It Ralph)

YMMV but another villain with a sympathetic backstory. The way he turns on a dime from goofy and fun to kind of straight-up murderous is great. Another one where there’s a rich trove of angst and pain to explore in fic. Alan Tudyk’s spot-on Ed Wynn imitation made me fall in love with this guy before three words had left his mouth the first time I saw Wreck-It Ralph.

Stephen Strange (Doctor Strange, general MCU, yes I’m cheating because this is 2 MCU characters)

Okay, so my soft spot for Strange admittedly came about because I ship him with Loki, but I’ve come to love him in his own right. He’s a smartass and a jerk—plus magic! How can I not like a guy who has all the terrible qualities I love in a character, but who dies over and over and over again to save humanity? And in a weird twist, I vastly prefer Benedict Cumberbatch’s American accent to his actual English accent.

George Weasley (Harry Potter)

Though I came to be a huge Snape fan later, my first loves in Harry Potter were the Weasley twins. And George is the one I keep coming back to. Who doesn’t love the Weasley twins, right? But I appreciate kinder, gentler George, and imagining his life after Fred’s death has resulted in thousands and thousands of words of fanfiction.

Weyoun (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)

We stan one Vorta clone who presided over a genocide, got his neck snapped by Worf, eats pizza with chopsticks, and had to put up with both Dukat and Damar. Another villain for the list here. Weyoun (and the Vorta in general) are fascinating and it’s a crime that we never got to learn that much about them. The DS9 writers seemed to think we all wanted to know more about the Jem’Hadar, but I just wanted more of these weird, purple-eyed gremlins. Weyoun trying to appreciate art despite his lack of aesthetics? A+ moment from a guest star in a series that was full of them (both A+ moments and guest stars).

Megavolt (Darkwing Duck)

Ah Megavolt, the character that I’ve loved since 1991. He’s crazy! He’s definitely committed murder (he’s been sent to the electric chair multiple times)! And yet there’s something kind of sad about Megavolt; high school bullies turned into who he is, his memory problems are...a hindrance. He’s not all bad either—he has a friend group and sometimes he even works with Darkwing Duck.

Vinny Santorini (Atlantis: The Lost Empire)

(with bonus Audrey Ramirez, because I’m not going to lie to you, it was hard to choose between the two of them)

Vinny is the snarkiest on this team of looters and he blows stuff up, so how can I not love him? Atlantis does its best to give us character development for its ensemble cast but it can only give us the broad strokes (its runtime is only 96 minutes. 96 minutes!), but it’s hard not to see Vinny as someone who uses sarcasm and humor to cover up a pretty big heart. In a way, a character with a minor redemptive arc, since the team betrays Milo.

Benjamin Linus (Lost)

The first thing you need to know about Ben is that he spent the majority of Lost looking beat up, which is a really attractive quality in a character. Ben is another one of those villains with a sympathetic past and a redemption arc—though unlike many of the villains I love, he actually survived! So he’s an exception to redemption=death. I loved Ben, I think, from the moment he hypothetically detailed how, if he were an evil Other, he would have tricked Sayid, Ana Lucia, and Charlie and lured them to their deaths, and then looked up at Locke and asked with that dead-eyed stare over his cereal, “Got any milk?” He was the one character who continued to get interesting on Lost as the rest of the show was falling apart.

Telemain (The Enchanted Forest Chronicles)

So I couldn’t find a photo of the back cover of Calling on Dragons, which actually features an illustration of Telemain, so you’ll all have to trust me that he’s My Type. His description from the Enchanted Forest Chronicles wiki: 

Blue eyes, dark hair, and neatly trimmed beard and mustache

Plus he wears knee-high black boots and a giant, useless belt with a bunch of stuff hanging off it? Might I point you to another wizard on my favorite characters list. Telemain is a know-it-all wizard who doesn’t understand how to talk to others like a normal person. He’s very smart, fiercely solitary, and very snarky. Hm.

Éowyn (The Lord of the Rings)

How can you not love her? The absolute shit this woman has been through. Her parents are dead. Her brother is banished. Her cousin is killed. And her uncle looks like a ghoul and is going crazier by the day, all while she’s got freaking Grima Wormtongue undressing her with his eyes at every opportunity. I love Éowyn because she’s basically in the process of having a constant meltdown but dammit, she’s going to keep it together because what else can she do? And I mean, obviously, “I am no man.”

I’ll tag...ummm @iamanartichoke, @mareebird​, and @thelightofthingshopedfor​ but no pressure! And anyone else who wants to do this definitely should! Consider yourself tagged, I’m always interested to know what characters other people like!

[dropintomanga]

Death Note 2020 - A One-Shot Deliverance of Meaningful Attention

What a return. What. a. return.

One of manga’s mid-2000s’ hits made a big impression on February 3 with a near-90 page one-shot that reminded fans why it had the impact it did. Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi’s Obata new Death Note one-shot special brings the story to today’s times with a new Kira. I was left thinking about what this new chapter in the story had to say about changing the world when a lot more fear and anxiety has proliferated in the information age.

How do I sum this one-shot as short as possible? We get introduced to a young man named Minoru Tanaka, who the Shinigami Ryuk chooses as a new Death Note user. The two meet in 2017 when Minoru becomes depressed over his failing test scores in high school. Ryuk decides on Minoru due to his high IQ, but Minoru decides to delay possession of the Death Note until 2019 after inquiring about Ryuk’s Shinigami nature. When they finally reunite, Minoru decides to sell the Death Note auction-style on a live Japanese news broadcast and make his auction go viral on Twitter. His plan works as Twitter users rabidly make their offers online. 

Things get even crazier when foreign governments get in on the action and Minoru, dubbed A-Kira by the new L (formerly Near), decides to let them make the offer. The U.S. wins the auction and the President (who clearly doesn’t look like a famous real person we all know) decides to use the Death Note for world peace. Minoru decides to use the money earned from the auction by entering it to various Japanese bank accounts for people ages 60 and under.

It later turns out the Shinigami King was furious about the Death Note not being used for its intended purpose. He instates a new rule - whoever buys or sells the Death Note in the human world will die. Once the seller receives money and the buyer gets the book in their hands, that’s it for them. When Ryuk tells the U.S. President about the rule as he was about to transfer ownership to him, the President decides to not take the Death Note. The Japanese economy starts to thrive, but Minoru would die a month later after his grand plan. Much to the chagrin of Ryuk, he wonders who else can make usage of the Death Note for a longer period of time.

Much like his predecessor Light Yagami, Minoru wants to bring some kind of positive change to the world. What’s unique was that he decides to not kill anyone at all. I mean, selling something that’s technically legal isn’t a crime, right? 

It reminds me about idealism - something that is often frowned upon as one gets older. When you are younger, you get taught about how things like justice and strong morals/ideals matter. As you get older, you start to realize how fine the lines people walk in order to preserve a sense of order that may not be just. I read an article about the rising “eco-anxiety” in children who believe their lives are already over before they begun due to climate change. Reading that piece after reading the new Death Note one-shot made me think about how adults have passed on so much anxiety to younger generations without realizing it. Adults say that youth can do anything while also saying that the world will end. 

In one part of the story, Minoru comments to Ryuk that IQ tests are a waste of time and aren’t a great measure of intelligence. Plus how does intelligence equate to making the world better? IQ testing is just a form of comparison that hurts everyone and may not address more life-concerning matters. It also doesn’t predict one’s future success in life. 

Speaking of hurting everyone, the one-shot subtly references how the Japanese economy is still trying to recover from their boom period in the 1980s’. That’s why Minoru used the Death Note the way he did. He knows people in his country are facing uncertainty and possibly dealing with a biased view of scarcity leading them to make poor financial reasons due to outside pressures. I know there are those who say money doesn’t matter and I will say it does matter (only up to a certain point). Having just enough to live relieves the burden of financial anxiety.  That relief is perhaps more important than what Light did in ending war in his Kira days. Times of peace (as we can see in real life) doesn’t mean life is stress-free. Conflict will happen since everyone operates on different wavelengths. There are outside forces that try to instill and manipulate fear to provide a false sense of security. We still have to remain vigilant and not be so alarmed at the same time.

I do feel that Minoru’s plan is a lesson on how to better manage conflict or avoid unnecessary conflict. Everyone knows we all hate having to say things that should be said that irk those around us or dealing with drama that seems pointless. The Death Note itself is a representation of how to handle arguments or disagreements in a not-so-pleasant way. While Kira was noted to be a hero in some ways, Minoru points out that Kira is frowned upon by educators for having a god complex.

Of course, this floats back to a big theme of Death Note - getting attention. Light was trying to get the world’s attention in order to showcase his brand of justice. This is nothing new, but the world we live in today is partly run by an “attention economy.” Tech companies are trying to play into the thoughts of internet users via social media, which can lead to disastrous outcomes. While Minoru’s plan involved Twitter to a certain degree, there’s a caveat.

It took him 2 full years to come up with something grand. The “attention economy” today wouldn’t allow that. Minoru manages to cut out noise and focus on himself and what was going on in real life. He fought off the forces of commercialized attention for his and everyone else’s sake. Someone once told me that social media can be a “disease” for people with mental health issues. It can be a huge distraction and sometimes leads you down into a dark hole that’s hard to get out pf. 

While I won’t argue that social media has some benefits in terms of finding communities to belong to, it’s also important to note that said communities should lead to more opportunities for offline meetups. Seeing faces and emotional reactions in person provides more warmth than a blue-lit screen. There’s nothing like that getting together in person to have fun or advocate for something important in your life.

Minoru’s cleverness suggests that it’s better to resist attention than ignore it completely (which never does any good). And that it’s also okay to pay attention up to a certain point. I think we have to ask ourselves “How does this information I found on the internet benefit me?,” “Why do I feel compelled to pay attention to this?,” “What does this say about me?,” etc.

Or just be able to grasp people’s attention on what matters to them (i.e. economic struggle) to improve their lives. Not everything has to be about you. One problem is more often than not, everyone’s problem.

I’m glad this one-shot came out. Back in 2008, I attended a Death Note fan event in my area and it really jump-started my interest in meeting new anime fans. The event was my first real taste into anime fandom. Although times have changed, checking out Death Note subtly played a part in starting my blog a couple of years later.

So I’ll say this - thanks, Ohba and Obata, for doing even more justice than your characters for a world that deserves compassion over fear in the face of all kinds of loss.

[robert-c]

The Abortion “Debate”

The Abortion “Debate”

What has always amazed me about this was the completely untenable position of those opposed to the right to choose; as well as their moral hypocrisy.

Let’s skip over the theological debate over when life begins etc. unless we are going to live in a society where there is an official state religion, that should have no bearing on the issue. Only independent living beings can be supported, protected etc. by a government. Something living only while it is inside of a person, should give that person the primary say about what happens.

But let’s skip past that for a moment too.

Those who support these restrictions on abortion (all of which are intended to be a piece by piece removal of the right to a safe and legal abortion) believe some pretty strange things. For example, I read that a lot of women opposed to abortions believe that today it is being used as a means of birth control. There is not one shred of evidence to suggest that this is widespread let alone a majority of the reasons for abortions – BUT even if it were true…what would preventing such a woman from having an abortion do? Can anyone really be so naïve as to think that a woman who would casually have an abortion as a means of birth control would suddenly become a responsible mother? Or even use birth control? Can you even imagine her being responsible during the pregnancy? More to the point, would any of these people so sure that banning abortions for women like that actually adopt a baby from such a woman? People believe some pretty unrealistic things when it is easy for them to do so, especially when it allows them to have a simple answer to complex issues.

But let’s return to the often cited argument about when “personhood” should be defined to start. It sounds like a legitimate question but it is nothing more than a ploy to enforce a particular religious view point under the guise of a legitimate question. So let’s examine what happens when we try to go down that path. Pick any point you want before birth to claim that the fetus has become a person entitled to equal protection under the law, same as any other citizen. That would mean that every miscarriage, every still birth would have to be investigated as a possible homicide. Since the people who propose these sorts of restrictions don’t actually care about people as much as their simplistic “principles” we can skip over the anguish and emotional turmoil the women involved would be feeling. How does an investigation like that go? Do we examine every detail of the woman’s life? Did she not exercise enough? Or too much? Was she eating properly? (and what does that mean, exactly and who decides?) Did she perhaps have a drink of wine before she knew she was pregnant? And since we can’t always pinpoint the reason for the miscarriage how will we pin this on any one cause? The proposals at the heart of this “movement” are incapable of being enforced with any objectivity, fairness or accuracy. And any attempt to do so is just intrusive, in a way more personal than any of the other aspects right wingers love to complain about.

And what about those situations where health conditions force a choice between the life of the mother or the baby? Who gets the priority? If the “fetus” is accorded all the rights of a fully independent human, how does the law work in a case like that?

Let’s look at a big picture here. The one thing the world isn’t short of is people. We are not on the verge of extinction through lack of procreation. We have plenty of societal problems from people who were raised in dysfunctional families, why would we want to encourage more unfit parents to have children that they don’t want and can’t afford (financially or emotionally) to raise? I think this goes back to the idea of not wanting to be wrong and to have simple answers for all of life’s complicated issues.

I suppose we should give some examination of the religious issue, even though a truly free society cannot have an official religion. Most, if not all, of the anti-choice forces I’ve read about or met, seem to focus on a Christian version of religion for an excuse to ban it. But consider this, abortion has been around for thousands of years. It was certainly known and practiced in the time of Jesus. And yet he doesn’t mention it at all in his teachings about moral behavior.

While Catholics don’t believe in artificial birth control or abortion, it is less them and more the evangelical protestants that want to ban others choices in these matters. I suspect that the strenuous objection to others choice of an abortion is the product of various preachers, and their flock. The same flock who thump a Bible they’ve never fully read or understood, and take their beliefs from a preacher instead of from the book they claim it comes from. In other matters they will point to a passage in Leviticus claiming to condemn homosexuality (which technically only condemns voluntarily taking the role of “bottom” in such an act) but omit mentioning the passages where they would be condemned for their polyester cotton mix clothing; for eating bacon, lobster, shrimp; or for their lack of animal sacrifices at the temple.

In short, the religious objection to abortion is irrelevant in a society without a State religion and inaccurate on its own terms. It is little more than a few influential people swaying a larger group of folks who don’t want to have to think for themselves. The unfounded fear that there are people, “out there somewhere”, not living in the same confining box, seems to be the real issue. It’s a lot easier to be an advocate for living in a 50+ year ago past if you don’t have to live side by side with people who aren’t restricting themselves that way.

Morality and ethics, spiritually or legally, are much more complex than simple absolutes. Admittedly, “thou shalt not kill” has a nice simplicity, a punchy “ad man sound bite” quality, but the better translation is “murder” not “kill”. And even there are we to make no distinction between a premeditated murder, and that conducted in a fit of passion or rage? And what of those who leave someone in a situation which reasonably could be expected to lead to their death? Try as we might to reduce the world and all of its potential behavior into a few simplistic rules, true justice and compassion demand that we look at more.

As a man, it is impossible for me to fully imagine what it would be like to be a woman facing the choice of an abortion. The best I can do is come up with the “rational” side of the argument pro and con, if it were my choice to make for me. But that ignores the emotional and even chemical changes that such an event would have on me. It humbles me to attempt to put myself in that place. At the same time, I can fully appreciate the fact that it is a decision I would have to live with and I wouldn’t want someone else dictating it to me based on such flawed logic and morality as the “pro-lifers”. I know women who support abortion rights and choice, who personally could never choose to have an abortion. And I know Pro Choice women who have had an abortion, who believe it was the right decision at the time, and are still bothered by the fact that they had to make that choice. This is the essence of understanding freedom and personal liberty. It is, in fact, the core issue of what real freedom of belief is all about; making our own choices and living with the outcomes – THAT is real responsibility.

Anti-choice forces have tried to make this about responsibility, about “when life begins” and a host of other quasi-moral and quasi-scientific issues. But the real issue is and has always been about who controls your own life and your own body. It has always been a huge contradiction that the same people who fear government “over reach” and intrusion into the personal lives of people support such personal and intrusive action when it comes to personal ethical beliefs. The only truly uniting principle of their agenda is to dictate their set of personal beliefs on everyone. They often try to portray this as what is happening to them. But look at the facts. No one is forcing them to have an abortion if they don’t want one. They are only being prevented from dictating the choices of others.

Then there is the return of the “Domino Theory”. As a quick refresher; staunch anti-communists of the Cold War era believed we needed to be militarily involved in stopping the spread of Communism, notably in Viet Nam, because if we didn’t stop it in that country, then there would be another and another until it was this country. As unrealistic and idiotic as this idea was its reincarnation in the abortion debate is even … well, crazier. According to this logic, the ability to choose an abortion is the first domino in a chain that leads to “mercy killings” of people with birth defects, mental disabilities and … well, fill in the blank for whatever will get you riled up. That would certainly be awful, but I’m truly at a loss to see how the connection works, they are two very different situations. And just for the record, throughout all of history, those who seek to impose their religious views on others don’t seem to shrink back from killing those who don’t share their beliefs, and that has got to be at least as horrible and much more likely.

Do we need any more evidence that the anti-abortion, anti-choice forces are more about control than morality? Ask how much money have they donated to anti-abortion candidates compared to how much they have donated to providing health care and adoption to women with unwanted pregnancies. If, indeed, you are more interested in preventing abortions and providing for the consequences of unwanted pregnancies, where is the financial support for women to carry a baby to term and put it up for adoption? Can anyone provide data that shows that at least as much money is donated by anti-abortion supporters to this, than to candidates who simply want to make it illegal?

As a final note, you may not be aware of this salient fact. Many years ago when abortion was illegal, pregnant women needing to find doctors who would safely terminate a pregnancy were often helped by ministers and others of faith. They knew the dangers of unsafe abortions and they knew of the heartbreaking challenges of the women. Some trying to provide for another child when they couldn’t completely provide for the ones they had, some fearing violence merely for being pregnant, etc. These were men and women of faith who actually were aware of the pain in all aspects of the choices these people faced and who were there to provide comfort and help where they could.

If this is still a religious and ethical issue to you, then please try to answer honestly for yourself: if Jesus were here today, do you see him as someone providing comfort to a woman in such a situation, or one leading the crowd to throw stones? And if, in fact, this is some sort of sin that God will punish, well He will have His shot at all of us eventually, He doesn’t need a political hack interfering with our free will.

[analytickle-lezdom-in-space]

Hey everyone, I’m about to say something very political about issues relating to gender identity. If you don’t want to read it, I understand, but before you decide to skip I’d like to ask you to consider this:

I understand that people come on to tumblr because they deal with all sorts of issues in the real world ranging from poverty to systemic discrimination to the vicious cycle created by the interaction of poverty and systemic discrimination, and some come to tumblr specifically to air out those issues with other like-minded people, but others come to tumblr to escape that and instead to think about nerd shit and/or pretty subs in ballgags. To an extent I feel this myself, I occasionally talk about social issues on this blog but I don’t make them the focus because mostly I wanna think about other things. And if you really don’t wanna read posts like this, I understand, you need to focus on self-care.

But if you’re at all willing, I’d like to ask you to stay and read this, and if you’re cis, even if you’re a little uncomfortable reading about heavy social issues on tumblr, I’d like to ask you, not demand, just politely ask you, to work through that discomfort right now because what I’m about to say is important for cis people to know. This won’t be very long, and after it’s done you can, and should, go back to distracting yourself from the horrible, awful social issues you’re dealing with yourself in this corrupt, wildly unequal crapshoot of a society, and if you really don’t wanna see it, I’ve tagged it so you can block it. But again, please don’t unless you really feel you need to.

Okay, here we go

I don’t generally like to try and make things an oppression olympics or go “this marginalized group is more oppressed than this marginalized group”, we’re all suffering together. But the inescapable fact is no matter what I’d like to do, the benefits of the last few decades of gains in LGBT rights have been primarily felt by cis gay and lesbian people. Everyone else has been falling behind them, especially trans/nb people, and of course extra especially trans/nb people of color. Why does our society have so much trouble with trans rights? I think there’s a few reasons, but I’d like to highlight one in particular:

Unlike many marginalized groups in and out of the LGBT community, cis society fundamentally does not understand, on a very basic level, what we actually are. Even the most tolerant, well meaning, well-intentioned cis people, who understand in an abstract way that we are the genders we identify as and try to treat us that way, don’t get some fairly basic things about us, in a way that affects how they go about trying to support us. And to some degree, there are things you’ll never really understand without being trans, but there are still some very basic things cis people can understand, and do understand when trans people have the time and patience to explain to them, but otherwise are completely unaware of. I’m gonna tell you all those things, so if you wanna signal boost this, please reblog it:

First of all, you need to understand that gender is at its very base, a social construct. No more, no less. It has no meaning other than what we as a society assign it. It’s not about sex. Sex itself does not follow the binary idea of gender we have. Some people are born with XY chromosomes but completely feminine bodies. Some people are intersex and their genitals and larger bodies do not fully fit into either conventional sex category, like they have a clit and a pair of partially developed testicles, or breasts and a penis, etc. some people have hormone imbalances caused at birth or by accidents later in life. If gender was about sex, there would be dozens of genders, and the fact that intersex people are still labeled at birth as either male or female should tell you without a shadow of doubt that gender as society defines it isn’t about your body, it’s about what gender your doctor and parents decided you were when you were born. And don’t try to bring non-human life into this, there are animals with no sexes at all, animals that are all one sex and reproduce by cloning, animals who change sex when there aren’t enough breeding options, animals who change sex based on the weather, and more, crazier shit.

And furthermore, most of what we associate with gender has not a goddamn thing to do with sex. What colors are girly. What job positions are masculine. Whether real men show their emotions and show vulnerability. How men and women dress and are expected to cultivate their bodies. And many smaller, subtler things, some so small they’re impossible to consciously notice or define, but are always there.

This is what gender is, and every culture, era, religion, and society has defined it differently. When high heels were invented it was a form of men’s fashion. Men all over the world wear skirts. Women are seen as emotional and temperamental in some countries, and cold and stoic in others. Some cultures like ours have 2 genders. Some have many, the peoples of the First Nation for example. Gender is a construct with no inherent meaning, this is a basic fact of psychology, sociology, biology, philosophy and logic. If you disagree with this indisputable fact, you are wrong. Totally and completely, and you’d be able to see that if you could see beyond your indoctrination with western dogma. I don’t care about your high school level understanding of biology, or your westernized interpretation of a non-western holy book only considered holy by a select fraction of the human population. (And for the record I’m religious and this is not meant to denigrate the role of religion in your life or make fun of religious believers, but you have to realize how much of your understanding of religion comes from cultural practice and not genuine spirituality. And if you’re reading this and you’re not religious, that’s also cool and other people’s religious beliefs should not be allowed to determine your gender identity for you). Gender is a human invention made to try and impose order on a chaotic world even where no such order actually exists.

Now, you may be asking then, if gender is simply a construct, then why does gender identity matter at all, and what does it mean for someone like me to say they identify as a woman? Well, that’s an understandable question, but the short answer is social constructs may be fake but they still hold power. Money is a social construct, it’s only worth what we agree it to mean, but that doesn’t mean poverty is meaningless. If you don’t have the money, then societal norms and constructed rules will make you suffer for it. And gender is the same. Societal norms like gender are deeply ingrained into the psyche of everyone living in a society, and they cannot be just ignored. Human beings need validation from other people and from society, and when we feel at odds with the gender construct society has given us and the things that come with it, that causes dysphoria.

In other words, society is telling us we’re one thing, our brain is telling us that we’re something else. Something that doesn’t fit with the societal idea of the gender we’ve been assigned. That causes us to have a hard time being confident in our own identity, and a hard time trusting our own reality, and the brain starts to wonder if it’s somehow wrong about itself. Thus, it becomes difficult to retain our sense of self. The only antidote is to find a different societally constructed identity, or an identity that specifically rejects those societal constructs, and identify with that. And we can’t just identify with that to ourselves, we need other people to validate that identity. We need other people to treat us as the gender identity we see ourselves as, because society is fundamentally not fulfilling our need for validation, and we need the people around us to substitute for that.

That’s why some of us get surgery and hormone treatments. It’s not actually because our body is “male” or “female”, it’s because that body reminds us of the identity society has assigned us that we don’t want. Our own bodies cause us dysphoria, and that can lead to crippling panic attacks and dissociation from reality, and that’s why some of us need HRT and surgery. I don’t need it, I’m comfortable in the body I have and it doesn’t remind me society expects me to be a man, and many trans people don’t need to change their bodies for their comfort, but many do, and that’s why.

That’s also why we bring up being transgender so much, we need validation from other people and constant reminders that they see us as the people who we know ourselves to be, because again, society is not fulfilling our basic needs for validation. It’s the same reason insecure people constantly need attention and validation, they’ve been starved of it, but much, much worse. It’s not just about the fact that we won’t be silent about our oppression, although that is another reason, and it sure as hell isn't because we “want to be special”, it’s because we have unmet psychological needs that make it difficult to find the energy to get out of bed each day and make some trans people contemplate suicide.

So, in summary, to be trans is to find an identity, based on the social constructs we’re stuck living with, that represents us better than the social constructs we were arbitrarily assigned before we could choose for ourselves. I am not a woman because I have some inherent womanliness to me, there is no such thing as inherent womanliness, but the social construct of womanhood suits me much better than the social construct of manhood and there is no better or more concrete way to define gender than what we personally feel comfortable with, for reasons I stated earlier, thus, I identify as a woman.

And that does NOT mean being trans is a choice, the fact that I was given an identity by society that doesn’t match how I’ve naturally developed to see myself is not my choice, and it’s not like I have other alternatives on how to deal with it. Don’t let TERFs and religious nuts with no understanding of psychology tell you otherwise, there IS ABSOLUTELY NO ALTERNATIVE WAY FOR A TRANS PERSON TO FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH THEMSELVES OTHER THAN IDENTIFYING WITH THE GENDER IDENTITY THEY FEEL MOST AT HOME WITH AND OTHER PEOPLE VALIDATING THAT IDENTITY. NONE. NADA. ZIP. Anyone who tells you otherwise wants to eradicate trans people. I’m not exaggerating or lying, that is what people who argue otherwise want with absolutely no exceptions. Me identifying as a woman is not a choice, it is finding the only way I can be happy with myself and have the strength to get through the day, and accepting that. It’s not a choice if there are no other alternatives.

And on that note, when your trans friends need constant validation of their identities and need you to just not argue with them and roll with what makes them comfortable? DO THAT. I don’t care if it feels like you’re discussing the same subject a lot. Your mild inconvenience does not outweigh their need for basic emotional support through one of the most difficult situations it’s possible for a human being to be in. And I guarantee you willingly mildly inconvenience yourself for the sake of friends all the time in circumstances that aren’t about gender identity. Why is this different? Just accept that they’re being constantly starved of validation through no fault of their own and give them as much validation as you can. If you think that trans people talking about their identities is a burden to you, either you don’t fully understand what they’re going through, or you’re just a bad friend.

This may also explain some things you may be wondering about why some trans people don’t make an effort to act or dress in the way we traditionally think of when it comes to the gender they identity as, and what it means to be nonbinary, and how one can be a nonbinary lesbian when lesbianism generally means “women being into women” and nonbinary people don’t identify as women: it’s because these are not actually hard rules, just vague social constructs we’re finding a way to be comfortable in. I have a beard, and I still go by a “male-sounding” name, and I dress very masculinely, and still identify as a woman, because number one, there are cis woman who do all these things too, cis women can have facial hair, masculine sounding names, and butch styles of dress, and you never question it in the same way, and number two, my name, facial hair, and style of dress are not the things about the social construct of maleness that makes me uncomfortable so I’d rather just stop identifying as male but keep them. Likewise, a nonbinary person can’t identify with the social constructs of maleness or femaleness and thus identities as something else that they feel better about. And since gender is a social construct, lesbianism itself is too, and one that has developed over the years quite independently from womanhood with its own culture and it’s own expectations, so some people identify with the social construct of lesbianism, but not the social construct of womanhood, thus they’re nonbinary lesbians. It’s all about finding the way to identity and express yourself that matches who you feel you really are, and none of these terms have exact meanings, so they mean for you whatever helps you be comfortable with your own identity.

So with all that in mind, my closing note is this: things like this are very basic aspects of what it means to be trans, and if you can’t understand them, you cannot truly understand what we are and what it means to respect us. Please, read this, make sure you understand it, and then spread the word. People understanding this more broadly will do a world of good for all of us trans and nb people.

[jewishbarbies]

My thoughts on The Haunting Of Hill House by Shirley Jackson, and how it differs from the Netflix series.

This has undoubtedly been done numerous times, but this whole series and the book itself are incredibly intriguing to me and I've had a lot of thoughts about it while watching/reading, so here - have this abnormally long post no one asked for about a fictional haunted house!

My notes while reading the book (this gets long):

so the main characters of the book are Eleanor Vance, Theodora (they don't say a last name), Luke Sanderson, and Dr. John Montague. The doctor is an anthropologist who wants to find some kind of evidence for the supernatural, hears about Hill House, and wants to stay there for the summer. but he needed 'assistants' for his project so he sent word to a few people he'd found that had supernatural or odd happenings in their life that might make them more susceptible to whatever might happen while at the house. Eleanor and Theodora are the only ones who showed up. Luke was brought in because the woman owning the house is his aunt, and she didn't want them doing an experiment in the house without a family member present. I'm pretty sure he's got the hots for Eleanor at this point, which is weird when you think the show made them twins........oh well, i ship it in the book lmao. all the characters are portrayed in the show like they are in the book, like it's scarily accurate. supposedly, in the book, Hough Crain built Hill House for his wife. but his wife died in a carriage accident before ever stepping foot inside the gates. so he and his two daughters, left unnamed, lived in the house alone. he remarried 4 times and each wife died of either an illness or a mysterious accident. Eleanor was obviously split into Nellie and Olivia for the show. The house she could live in forever with the roses and the robin she wanted, along with the raining rocks, were all from Eleanor in the book. She was at a café and saw a little girl refusing to drink her milk from a cup that wasn't, as her mother described, her 'cup of stars'. Eleanor thought the line about not letting anyone take away the cup of stars, which was spoken by Mrs. Dudley in the show. The Dudley's are both very weird and rude in the book. Mr. Dudley is ugly and crass and Mrs. Dudley is cryptic and probably insane. She repeats herself multiple times and is obsessive about her schedule while inside the house. Theodora is written like she's a modern character, not someone from the 50's. There are so many lesbian/bisexual innuendos on her part it's hilarious. She's obviously got the hots for Eleanor as well. But I think Eleanor is leaning toward Luke, but likes Theo for the company? idk. But the way Eleanor describes the front of Hill House is borderline horrific. That line about houses being born bad was something the doctor said when talking about the origin of Hill House. Eleanor mused that maybe the house built itself, like it had builders and such but the house itself chose where everything went. AND THERE'S NO RED ROOM. there's a blue room, a green room, a yellow and a pink room, but no red room - and they're all bedrooms. idk if there's going to be one or if that's just a thing they made up for the show. so far the only two really creepy things that have happened are - Eleanor was going to bed, she locked the bedroom door and went back to bed, then she looked back up at the door and thought the door was moving before she pulled the blankets over her head and went to sleep + the doctor had left the room on the first night to get a chess game, and came back with a shiver saying that it was like the house watches you wherever you go, while saying multiple times 'but that's just my imagination'. (that's where I stopped taking notes)

THE BOOK;

The whole of the book has a very interesting, intriguing premise but fails to deliver. You get creepy vibes from many different scenes and interactions, the description of the house, etc., but you're never actually scared of something in the house. The majority of supernatural and unexplainable things that happen are all manifestations in Eleanor's mind. No one really seems to be as affected by anything quite like her. It makes it seem as though Eleanor simply went crazy instead of the house being haunted. It's an interesting, twisted thought, but it leaves you wanting. Because it's not scary. It's just weird. After spending this tedious time reading every page, the ending falls completely flat. There's a moment when Eleanor truly does snap, she leads the others on a wild chase after her in the night, and she climbs the tall staircase in the library after calling it 'home' in her mind. But, again, it fails to deliver because nothing else happens. They get Eleanor down and that's it. The next morning, they try to send her on her way because the house is getting to her, but she adamantly opposes this idea. So, what does she do? Rams her car into a tree in the driveway. We have no other choice but to assume she died because she's not mentioned once after that, even in the small where are they now section. It's an anticlimactic, uninteresting ending that makes you feel cheated after spending so much time waiting for what was promised - a haunted house, scary things, etc. I loved the poetic way it was written, and the premise is wonderful, but the book simply fails to deliver and the ending is terrible.

THE NETFLIX SHOW;

For the show they seemed to split Olivia and Nellie from Eleanor in the book. Olivia is Eleanor's crazier, 'sensitive' side, whereas Nellie is Eleanor's innocence and youthful optimism. It seemed like a smart move until Nellie died as well. Olivia's death creates backstory and Nell's gives the characters a reason to have the show, so I suppose it makes sense for that purpose. Nell's death also gave us what the book didn't - it delivered on the staircase scene. She climbed the staircase and actually died. The fact that her mother's ghost caused it gives it even more of a sad, spooky feel. We don't know much about Nell before she dies, we find out after, which also adds to the reveal of how she died. By the time we know how it happened for mother Nell and Olivia, we've grown a little more attached to them. We know a little more. And their deaths actually mean something to do us when we see them again in full view. What I loved about the show was the way it made you feel. There was an obvious ominous, terrifying feeling through the first five episodes. Then, during and after episode six, you feel only a deep depressing sadness. Now we know what's going on, it's not scary anymore, it's just sad. Steven writing a book about Hill House sounds reminiscent of Dr. Montague's quest in the book. His direct narration from the book also adds to that effect, and I think it was a good yet somewhat unnecessary addition. Theo is actually a lesbian in the show as opposed to remaining an innuendo, which I appreciated. I hated reading the obvious lesbian/bi parts without any confirmation. Though I suppose that might've been too taboo at the time of publication. Naming a character Shirley was an interesting choice. They laid on the book innuendos very thick and i'm not sure there was a point. The character Shirley seemed to be a good one, but she did get annoying in some parts. Luke was very accurate from book to show, but they gave him a more caring nature that was obviously tainted by the drugs, and it gave him more dimension. I wanted to see more of Hugh Crain. In the book, he created Hill House - but we got just as much of him in the show as the book. We mostly saw him during his time at Hill House so we were able to connect to his younger self, but not much at present. We see him now for 1-2 episodes if that before he dies.

FINAL THOUGHTS;

With so much content in the show compared to the book, the show was definitely more enjoyable and thought-provoking. There were many metaphors and symbolic elements to unpack, not to mention it delivered on its promise of a haunted house. The hidden ghosts added to the unnerving feel of the show as a whole. Added to its emotional elements, the show lingered with me for weeks after my first watch. It took the original idea of Hill House and made it well-rounded and actually horrific, and this version of Hill House truly was born bad, their version of the red room bringing it all home. 10/10 prefer the series to the book.

[understandingthevoices]

signs to look out for to identify a narcissist?

first off, the really goodlooking guy who stares at a mirror all day, licks his lips, is obsessed with status and working out and prestige - the ruling idea of a narcissist in society, essentially - isnt really the one you have to look out for

more or less they’re harmless and just wanna be cool and perfect and awesome in society’s eyes  

the real one is much more manipulative, much more dangerous, much more covert

so what are the real signs?

1. lovebombing - if you get that “soulmate” feeling within the first couple of dates, it’s all manufactured bs, i promise you that -- all carefully constructed to make you feel special, to put you on a pedestal -- the higher he puts you the lower you fall (AND OH MY GOD mirroring - watch out for this; if he starts to pick up the way you talk or just blatantly repeat what you say, you might think you’re connecting and “he just gets you” nOPE its just another tactic)

2. he’ll want to talk to you all the time, spent a lot of time with you, more than you’re comfortable with - he’ll move wayyyy too fast, talking about the future, etc etc - he just wants to identify your weaknesses, past issues, traumas and file them away for later: he’ll still be “perfect” at this point

3. he’ll hijack your day - no matter what, he’ll bombard you with multiple texts, notifications, likes/comments, ANYTHING to trick you into believing youre the center of his world -- he’ll get really close with your close friends, even if he doesn’t know them. he needs more info on you and he needs to make sure he covers his bases once you start doubting his intentions by also ingratiating himself with your close circle 

4. the sex - if you dig deep you’ll realize theres no soul there, and if you stare into his eyes they’ll be empty, soulless... he won’t be able to hold eye contact for a long period of time either; there will probably be very little affection and romance; you’ll feel used, and this can be hard to admit to yourself 

5. red flags - he’ll talk about other women, irritate you just to see how you react, start pushing boundaries to see how far he can go, gaslight you “just for fun”, say a lot of fcked up things only to say he’s kidding right after ... basically just testing to see if you are gonna stop him in his tracks or let him walk all over you

6. and finally, if you ever, at any point, start to ask yourself - what am i doing that’s making him treat me so badly, GET OUT. if you don’t feel good after seeing them, it’s because theyre neglecting you in some way - dont ever let a man do that, especially when you’ve already voiced your concerns and he ignored them

seriously, if you see these signs - RUN AND DONT EVER LOOK BACK

it will only get worse even when you run, he’ll try to stop you and control you - DON’T LET HIM

just remember, none of it is real, none of it was ever real - they were using you to feed their ego and get attention, that’s it

they don’t care about you - and you’ll know it, because when you leave (for good) they’ll soon have another narcissistic supply... and go thru that exact same cycle 

their emotional wiring is screwed up; they dont have the capacity to love they just can’t connect in the way normal humans can

there’s no real bond... they’re too scared to show you who they really are... there was always a mask they were hiding behind... there;s just no solid foundation to build on...

when they want to hook you everything seems perfect but sooner or later the mask begins to crack and their real self begins to peek thru 

their destructive apathetic self, that doesnt care about you and your feelings/needs - the one that wants you to serve them without reciprocity - the one that wont compromise for your happiness

and you stay for a while, because youve already invested so much emotionally... but then things get crazier and you cant stand it any more

at this point they know their time is almost up

and once you show the actual signs of leaving they start lining up a replacement supply;

thats their game

they’ve played it before and they play it every day

theyre con men - dont ever think they’ll be honest and upstanding with you .  they won’t