#that last story is so random 💀
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#imdb trivia#side show#side show 1981#pat boone#sid krofft#that last story is so random 💀#every time i think i’ve heard the wildest story involving sid krofft i am proven wrong
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just remembered that people have left positive comments on the few COD fics i've written and it makes me feel insane like what do you mean people read my garbage? what do you mean people liked my garbage?? 💀
#i don't. actually think my writing is garbage#i think it's. fine?#but you know how it is with creative endeavours#sometimes they're fine and also garbage simultaneously#anyways. i NEED to write again so badly 😭#i can feel the urge in the back of my mind all the time#but work and life has me so fucking busy 💀#(<- appropriate emoji use lol)#i barely have time to READ much less write#but there's stories in my brain#and they want OUTTT#and yet all i've managed in the last months#is a pile of random story snippets#a few dozen fic ideas. bits and pieces#a little bit of world building lol#OURGH I NEED TO WRIIIIIITE 😭
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i watched wickeddddddd
#all i can think abt rn tho#is that i didn’t have time to eat beforehand so i ate dinner at like 10:30 or 11 or smth#and my stomach rly hurts now lolol 🫠#like this always happens when i eat too late like after kinda skipping the usual meal time#maybe ate too fast maybe ate too spicy lol#ANYWAY WlCKEDWAS GOOD#there were a bunch of kids in front of us who started singing along to popular lol 😭#and the last note of defying g/ravity 💀💀#i was like trying not to be annoyed bc like i understand i’m not even a huge previous fan or anything and i wanted to sing along to popular#but it was kinda funny bc my hand just involuntarily shot out in like a ‘woah chill shush’ gesture lmao 😭#also i am like slightly familiar w the musical and have listened to the soundtrack a couple times#but never enough to look into the lyrics and the story#so it was cool to finally get the whole context behind the songs i’m somewhat familiar with#esp like defyi g gravity which i actually know all the lyrics for lmao but just never what they actually meant in the story LOL#i’m familiar enough w the music that as soon as for good even looks like it’s starting in the next part#i’m just gonna burst into tears going to drown in tears#it was rly good i cried twice 😭😭😭#also LOL i have only ever seen jo/nathan b/ailey in h/eartstopper his little guest role#and ngl having only seen that i was like#i mean yeah he’s conventionally attractive but why r ppl so obsessed w him#but now i kinda get it LOL#kinda sad bc i saw it w friends and i won’t be able to see the next part w them probably 🥹🥹#idk ig never say never bc i don actually know what my job and time off looks like#i probably could like i probably have access to that info but idk it LOL#but yeah 😔 at least we saw this part and it was fun yay#anyway 💀 some random thoughts for ya for tn LOL#jeanne talks
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hate to be a hater on the main … but this season of ted lasso excels (once again) at team dynamic and the found family elements and i think the finale absolutely nailed that, i cried, i laughed, it was perfect on that. now as for the individual stories and relationships… yeah, let’s leave it at that
#(rant below ignore me)#i think making longer episodes allowed them to add stories that felt so pointless to me#what was the point of zava? to make jamie understand something about himself? could have done that better with just the roy plot#i would have understood roy and keeley breaking up of it was like ‘let’s both grow as individuals’#and roy kinda did but apparently not enough because his plot at the end is how he do better so i guess he didn’t#jamie had the best development only to then lose part of it by throwing the random video comment?? like why??#keeley my love … from the random friend that added nothing to the story to an undervelopped love interest plot line … they did u so dirty#why the hell was ted so emotionally off this last episode instead of actually talking the time to proper end things with london and everyone#rebecca was SOBBING and ted was like ‘well gotta go’ ??#it’s not about the ship or anything but what ?? and rebecca … love that she stayed with the club#but to have her end up with some random creepy man she met once and whose name WE DONT EVEN KNOW#i have no issues with ted going home to his son. it makes perfect sense. but it felt so weird#the nate plot was wrapped kinda poorly too??#sam colin and most of the guys from the team were amazing#and the found family and team dynamic was still amazing as always#the beard and jane relationship was always weird to me because it feels like joke after joke of.. abuse?#do they get married or was it a dream?? and if so was the whole sequence a dream? and if it wasn’t WHO DID THE CGI FOR THE WEDDING 💀#we spent more time with these characters this season and it doesn’t feel that way and idk this season felt weird at so many points#I LOVE THIS SHOW I DO!! first 2 seasons are one of my all time favourite seasons of a sitcom!! and i still enjoyed a lot about s3 <33#anyway sorry to be a hater on the main but it was just a weird season to end it on#anti ted lasso#<- i really don’t wanna upset anyone i just felt like ranting a little 💀 pls don’t hate me#ted lasso spoilers
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POV: you wake up in the middle of your own autopsy with force powers then immediately get brainwashed into falling to the dark side
I was reminded of the fact that I haven’t drawn inquisitor!fives’ autopsy scars in way too long so here I am, delivering a few too many Fives 💀
Anyway I know I don’t post much about the AU on here so props to anyone who knows what’s going on here even slightly, I’ve decided to nerf siren!echo (who WAS part of this AU yes I know quite random) but since him being turned into a siren kinda limits what I can do with him story wise he is now an AU of the AU.
That means the name I came up with for the au (dead mean walking/swimming or dmw(s) as I’ve been tagging it) is kinda irrelevant. I’ll just call this the inquisitor fives AU but if you have any AU name suggestions feel free to drop them.
Here are some of the major factors of the AU:
It gets worse before it gets better
(WARNING: there are quite a few heavy topics covered in the AU such as torture, dehumanisation and su*cidal thoughts, so pls read at your own discretion)
- fives wakes up in the middle of his own autopsy with force sensitivity, then gets brainwashed into falling to the Dark Side by Palpatine. As an Inquisitor, he does not remember anything about his life because those memories were blocked by Palpatine.
- Palpatine discovers that Fives is essentially immortal, and any injuries inflicted on him will heal no matter how bad.
- when echo gets rescued from skako minor, he is recalled to Kamino for experimentation, first of all so they can figure out what the Techno Union did to him, second of all to see how he survived his injuries. Nala se, who knows that fives came back to life, theorises that since he and echo were tube twins they share the “immortality”. He is kept on Kamino for VERY extensive experimentation where terrible things happen to him (cough vivisection cough lobotomy) and so never joins Clone Force 99 even if he did work with them on Anaxes.
- Fives in this time is sent out on many missions by Palpatine that involve him unaliving many people, and after the rise of the Empire he hunts a few Jedi.
- Fox, who throughout the war had experienced many blackout missions where he woke up afterwards covered in blood, is the last living Coruscant Guard commander. (Thorn dies, stone vanishes one day, Thire mistakes Vader for a Jedi and pays the price) Despite the best efforts of his son secretary Dogma (no way!?) Fox has very little will to live, is extremely depressed and borderline suicidal, he would like nothing more than to bite the dust, but still feels he has a duty to the very few remaining corries and so tries to keep it together (he is failing)
- one day Palpatine decides he doesn’t need Fox to do his bidding anymore since he has much better assets at his disposal (Fives), and decides it would be ironic to sic his pet clone inquisitor onto Fox. Fives still doesn’t remember anything, and only knows that Fox is responsible for the main scars on his body and believes fox is the reason he doesn’t remember most of his life, and so sets out to kill fox. They battle it out (ref to that one animation wip I posted) and fives is on the verge of killing fox (who didn’t really try to fight that much, like I said he would very much like to die and dying at the hand of the vod he “killed” seems fitting to him) when he gets a sudden vision of echo.
- all fives knows is echo is extremely important to him and must be rescued and that snaps him out of palpatine’s control. He knows he probably can’t rescue echo alone, and since fox has already been betrayed by the empire he decides “fuck it” and basically kidnaps fox and they run. They make a deal, that once echo has been found, Fives will put Fox out of his misery (fox feels that fives should be the only person to kill him, and only goes along with the plan because he refuses to let anyone else kill him)
- fox and fives proceed to go on an intergalactic road trip to “rescue echo” even though neither of them know how to do that. They become closer friends throughout, and fives slowly regains bits and pieces of the Before
- meanwhile during the destruction of Kamino, the bad batch stumble on echo and rescue him and he stays with them for a little bit before leaving with Rex
- meanwhile Dogma helps the rest of the remaining Corries desert, kills too many storm troopers, and tries to go after his buir fox and the bastard inquisitor who kidnapped him
This is the main stuff you need to know for the AU haha so if you’ve got new name suggestions I’m all ears ty!!
#dmw(s)#back in black AU#dead men walking AU#my art#star wars#star wars the clone wars#the clone wars#star wars art#star wars tcw#sw tcw#tbb echo#arc trooper echo#star wars au#inquisitor fives#inquisitor#force sensitive fives#fox and fives#tcw fives#clone trooper fives#arc trooper fives#fives#star wars alternate universe#clone wars fanart#star wars clone wars#clone wars#clone wars au#commander fox#domino twins
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#idk if yall remember anything about a ~difficult person~ i have to deal with sometimes lol#but this is the one who had the ''''house fire'''' that was nothing#and her sister was my sister's friend but her and the mom ganged up on my sister to call her a bully and stuff#thats the most prominent stuff that's happened with them that i think ive posted about#(also none of this has anything to do with my therapy appt i mentioned earlier skdjskjd)#but yeah. they're just difficult people. a difficult family. and the best way to deal with them is to ABSOLUTELY AVOID THEM#UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES#which has been working pretty fine!!! the last few months!!!!#but yesterday?????? i got a random text?????? and#(ok the whole family is difficult but its a mom and dad and two daughters who are roughly the same age as me and my sister)#so i got a text from the older daughter. the one closer to my age. the one i have to deal with personally more than any of them#and she was like hi!!! i feel like we haven't talked in forever!!!! how are you??????#and she texted me while i was at work so i forgot about it for a little bit#but i just replied and basically just said im good how are you 💀💀💀#so nothing consequential has happened yet. but im very intrigued by the random text#and i wonder if my 'good how are you' response is gonna open her up to say smth real sjdhksdn#like is she gonna be like 'oh im good except I HATE YOUR SISTER' bc that's what that family usually likes to talk about 😐#or is she gonna complain about her weird secret boyfriend that she's probably emotionally abusing??????#yeah that's a whole DIFFERENT AND INSANE story#or is she just gonna be like haha good ! anyway#and not speak to me again for a fea more months#we shall see!!!!#(what is my life 😭😭😭)#no bc everyday i just said. that's all so petty and stupid. girlie we are almost TWENTY YEARS OLD. GET OVER IT. OUR SISTERS ARD 13?????????#AAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!?!?!?!?¿?¿?
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vroom vroom ~ oscar piastri & alex albon
pairing: oscar piastri x alex albon x dj!reader
genre: smau
faceclaim: charli xcx
F1updates just posted!
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DJ Y/N L/N spotted in the paddock for the third race weekend in a row 👀 Rumours are swirling about why she’s here, with some fans speculating she’s dating someone on the grid. Thoughts?
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user1: Why is she even there? Bet she doesn’t even know what DRS is🙄
user2: Not another celeb using F1 for clout…💀
user3: She’s been at three races in a row? That’s suspicious. Who’s she with?! 👀
->user12: She was a guest of Ferrari, dk about this time
user4: I swear if she’s dating one of the drivers… girl, leave😒
->user14: If it's Lando I'm gonna riot
user5: Y/N L/N as an F1 wag is the most random thing I’ve heard all year 🤔
user6: Can’t even imagine her fitting into the F1 world. This feels so out of place
user16: have you ever heard her music
user7: She probably thinks the McLaren is just a sports car and not a team😬
->user17: No, because that’s EXACTLY the vibe she gives 😂
user8: Honestly, it’s kinda refreshing. Better than another influencer or model wag. At least she has a real career
->user18: A real career? Be for real, mate. She’s a DJ
yourusername posted a story!
[pic 1: thanks for the invite @mclaren ] [pic2: 🧡]
messages!
yourusername just posted!
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Speedin like Piastri just to crash your party
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user22: yn hosting the afterparty is sooo iconic
user37: Imagine being cool enough to hang out with THE YN LN😭
user24: Wait, who are the guys in the last pic?👀
->user30: I swear that’s Alex Albon in the back?? Or am I losing it?
->user4: No, you’re right, that’s definitely him. Who’s the guy next to him though??
user15: Not Alex, Lando and Oscar showing up to her set. This feels surreal
-> user10: Oscar at a club? My day is made. 😂
-> user8: Honestly, the plot twist of the year
yourbsf: hottieee
->yourusername: wish you were there
oscarpiastri: great set
->yourusername: happy to have the winner's seal of approval
landonorris: we need to do a set together soon
->yourusername: win again and you have a deal norris
twitter!
alexalbon just posted!
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la dolce vita
georgerussell: Thirst trap era? Proud of you mate -> alex_albon: You taught me well
landonorris: alex.jpg when
oscarpiastri: nice pics mate
user39: Alex posting thirst traps to distract from the tea is so iconic
-> user51: It’s working because I forgot the tea immediately
user45: Oscar took these pics, didn’t he? You can’t convince me otherwise
-> user29: It’s giving boyfriend energy
yourusername posted a story!
[pic 1: favourite place]
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williamsracing just posted!
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After a well deserved summer break our boys get back on track and we're joined by a special guest Yn Ln
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alex_albon: Who invited her?
-> yourusername: Who invited you?
-> williamsracing: Play nice albono
logansargeant: So good to meet you!
->yourusername: you too logie💙
user89: “Special guest” lmao as if she hasn’t been spotted at every other paddock recently🙄
user45: DJ, paddock favourite, and apparently besties with half the grid. What CAN’T she do?
user82: Special guest, huh? She’s been around the paddock more than some reserve drivers. Let’s be real
user99: How tf did Williams bag Yn💀
yourusername just posted!
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someone's getting head tonight
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oscarpiastri: Can’t wait for our little celebration later 🧡
alexalbon: I’m not the only one 👀
user6: Did she just drop that bomb???
user8: Well, we can’t say she’s not direct
user3: I don’t even know what to say anymore. This is wild
user14: The Alex/Oscar/Yn Throuple rumours being confirmed was not on my bingo card 😅
user2: Did they just admit it?? I need a moment
user13: I know their PR teams are freaking out rn
->yourusername: let them my man dragged that shitbox into p3 AND got to see my boys drench each other in champagne🤭
#abby's writing#f1#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#formula 1 fic#f1 smau#f1 x reader#alex albon#oscar piastri#aa23#aa23 x reader#op81#op81 x reader#f1 poly fic#i kind of hate this but oh well#purely self indulgent lol alex and oscar are my faves
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˖⁺｡˚⋆˙love is never logical | 2023 grid˖⁺｡˚⋆˙
pt3
pairing: 2023 f1 grid x nepo baby y/n prost reader (she/her)
genre: social media au, friends to lovers
warnings: spoiled nepo baby:)) 3rd & final part!! fluffy af probably
summary: in which everyone's favourite nepo baby finally feels ready to share her love story with the world ❤️
a/n: last part tehehe this was so fun to write LOL it feels so silly & ridiculous fr but hope u like it i tried to make it not super obvious who her man is but idk if it worked
request!!!: I would love a smau with reader who’s a nepo baby but is everyone’s fave nepo because she’s just living life aesthetically and the grid loves her and she’s hinting at a soft launch (idrc with which driver)
fc: gracie burns
my masterlist
part 1 • part 2 • part 3
instagram ->
ynprostupdates
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ynprostupdates an image of daniel ricciardo holding a mystery woman in an embrace from last night has been circulating, rumours saying it was y/n prost. could daniel be the mystery man that y/n has been soft launching on her social medias the past few months?
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user1 NO WAY
user2 i thought daniel was with heidi? 😭😭
user3 well that definitely isnt heidi 💀
user4 well duh
user5 where my y/ndaniel shippers at
user6 all rise
user7 nooo i really thought it was lando
user8 where's that one y/nlance truther from twitter at right now
user9 bit of an age gap
user10 you must be new here
user11 💀💀💀
user12 that could literally be anyone, also it's ONLY A HUG!!
user13 🤔
messages ->
instagram ->
yourusername
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yourusername my fwends
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user14 obsessed with y/n subtly setting the record straight about daniel 💀
liked by yourusername, heidiberger_
danielricciardo i meant what i said y/n, you are banned from drinking alcohol
landonorris i second this
yourusername since when did men think they could tell me what i can & cant do? 🤔
danielricciardo since you became a danger to urself & others perhaps
heidiberger_ im on ur side btw y/n/n
yourusername knew i could count on you
user15 this feels like such a random group of people to hang out separately
user16 i dont think so they're all friends arent they?
user17 tbh i think everyone loves y/n but she does this thing every so often where she hangs out with wags & i think it's to make sure everyone knows she's not overstepping or anything
user18 y/n is my favourite (potential) wag
yourusername posted a story
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landonorris since when were you in ireland
yourusername since like 2 hours ago
landonorris why
yourusername never been
landonorris you know a race weekend starts tomorrow right
yourusername you know we're not f1 drivers right?
danielricciardo bring me a guinness back!
yourusername y/bff/n said she'll bring it in her mouth & feed you it like a little bird
danielricciardo dont want one anymore
user19 Y/N WHY ARE YOU IN MY COUNTRY
twitter ->
instagram ->
yourusername
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yourusername no one panic we're back on time
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user21 was lance in ireland with her
user22 no just lily y/bff/n & some other girls apparently
landonorris slay‼️
oscarpiastri are you relaxed now
landonorris urm. yes
yourusername LOL
lance_stroll everyone cheered
lilymhe 😌😌😌
user23 i want y/n's life
user24 i just want y/n
alex_albon can i have my girlfriend back now?
yourusername for now yes
yourusername posted a story
liked by lilymhe, lance_stroll, and 827,183 others
lilymhe omg y/n
lilymhe this is so hard launch
yourusername 😭😭😭 DONT SAY THAT
lance_stroll 😧😧😧
user25 THERE'S NO WAY YOU GUYS ARENT DATING
user26 OH MY GOD IM SCREAMING
lewishamilton congratulations to you both😊
yourusername THIS WASNT MEANT TO BE A HARD LAUNCH
maxverstappen1 only took him almost beating me for you to hard launch
yourusername you STILL got no bitches max
yourusername sorry for being mean im overwhelmed right now
maxverstappen1 it's all love 🤔
twitter ->
instagram ->
yourusername
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yourusername & i fell for you like water 💧
tagged: lance_stroll
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lance_stroll i love you ❤️
liked by yourusername
lilymhe FINALLY
yourbff thank god coz i cant keep anymore secrets
danielricciardo anymore? what else do you know?
lewishamilton congratulations for real this time!
maxverstappen1 congrats on pulling
yourusername 😘
landonorris 🎉🥳🍾🎁🎈🎊
charles_leclerc i miss you y/n please get rid of this man and return to ferrari immediately
carlossainz55 i second this
scuderiaferrari we third this
yourusername for you guys i just might😌❤️
alex_albon officially graduated from third wheel status
liked by yourusername, lilymhe
lance_stroll
liked by yourusername, yourbff, and 828,103 others
lance_stroll this is me flexing
tagged: yourusername
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yourusername 🫶🫶🫶
liked by lance_stroll
pierregasly kika is celebrating rn
yourusername my girlll😊😊
fernandoalo_official congratulations to you both 🎉‼️❤️💚
user32 this is so personal to me
user33 she is so amazing
yourbff OMG PRETTIEST GIRL ALIVE
liked by lance_stroll, yourusername
THE END 🤍
#f1#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 imagine#f1 smau#f1 x reader#smau#lando norris#daniel ricciardo#alex albon#lance stroll#charles leclerc#carlos sainz#lewis hamilton#pierre gasly#oscar piastri#logan sargeant#george russell#dr3#ln4#lh44#pg10#op81#cl16#ls2#gr63#yuki tsunoda#max verstappen#mv1#maddie's smau
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So I had one holiday prompt that I couldn't include in the big holiday prompt fic I posted last week, and I also have been receiving some really sweet and cute ideas that weren't exactly requests, but the ideas were so nice that I wanted to write something for them. I've gathered them into one story that I hope isn't disappointing. I had intended to do separate, cute little drabbles, but I had a bad day the other day and somehow uh, really dark angst happened, and then I used the ideas people sent for the comfort half of the fic? So please forgive me for just... taking it as dark as you can go before including the sweet, cute ideas that people requested. I hope you like the result anyway, although please read the content warnings. Several of the people who sent requests/ideas apologized for doing so, as if sending the ideas was 'too much', but you don't have to apologize for sending asks. My requests are open, and I like seeing everyone's ideas even if I don't end up being able to write for them, or if I tweak them a little to make them work for the story that comes out of my brain despite my best laid plans to stick to an outline.
The river | ao3 | masterlist
It's Christmas Eve, you're at the end of your rope after an absolutely awful year, and you decide to end it all after pushing everyone in your life away. Sylus pulls you from the brink and convinces you to keep going.
Sylus x fem reader, Sylus x mc, hurt/comfort, angst, grief, banter, fluff. CW: attempted suicide, depressed thoughts, NSFW, Sylus penetrating reader (this is not sex ed, do not follow these idiots' example, no discussion of condom or birth control, this is fantasy and we're not going to worry about that in the fic)
Ask #1 You asked to keep sending silly little ideas for you to write so I thought I'd give my own request! After Caleb and Gran (supposedly) die it's pretty much canon that MC refuses help from their friends and isolates themself in certain ways. I always imagine MC sometimes sees Sylus as "the only one they have left" since he is the only one who goes out of his way to check up on MC. But MC kinda grows to resent this and has a moment when their drunk/really going through it and basically ask Sylus why he doesn't leave them be so they can just rot away in peace. Sorry if this is too lengthy or I'm overstepping! Brain worms are getting to me
Ask #2 Okay, so random thoughts here, but do you know that superstition that’s like, “the places where you have moles on your body show where your lover kissed you in a past life”? But like… can you imagine what it would be like if MC had a mole in the exact spot where Sylus bit her during Abyssal Mark (cus I have one there lol) and then that superstition randomly gets brought up, only for MC to show him that mole and Sylus is just s h o o k??? N e way that’s my random thoughts lol (sorry if this is a lot 💀)
Ask #3 I love the way you write the MC and I find myself relating to them at least 99% of the time. Sometimes I just imagine them giving Sylus one of those "Do you like me? Circle yes or no!" Love letters to Sylus because they are terrified of rejection -> i wrote the MC in this story really, really depressed, so if this didn't hit the spot for you in terms of fear of rejection, let me know, and I can include your prompt in another story idea I had before this one that's a lot lighter and sweeter before I got hit by the angst truck that this fic turned out to be. just let me know!
Ask #4 the last holiday prompt! -> idk if anyone sent it yet but from the xmas prompt list, i would love to see what you do with number 8 -> I'm so sorry that this is what I did with it, I hope you like it anyway😭
Thank you everyone who has sent me ideas! If you've sent me a request and I haven't answered it yet, it's because I'm still intending to do something with it.
Here you are. Again.
At the end of a long day. A long week. A long year.
A long rope.
It’s the dark, this time of year.
Maybe.
You’re restless. You’ve passed through the Deepspace Hunters Association doors for the last time this year. Empty days of leave stretch before you.
Normally, it would still be light out, leaving this early. But not now, this deep into the year—it’s already full night, as you leave work early.
The bright lights of the building pour over your upturned face as you look back, just once. You don’t know what for. You’ve successfully severed most of the ties you had built before.
Before everything.
Tara, Xavier. After Caleb, Josephine—they reached out, over and over, and you bit their outstretched hands with your sharp, sharp teeth.
You snapped enough times that they keep their distance, now.
They’re still kind.
Tara still comes, sits on your desk, shares tidbits of gossip during the workday. But she no longer invites you along to karaoke, to after-work drinks with other coworkers.
You and Xav work in sync, as you eliminate wanderers. He walks you to your door at the end of the day. But he no longer offers to lend you books. No longer invites you to the bookstore, or to try new restaurants.
You watch his broad back as he walks away from you, down your apartment building’s hallway. He feels as far away as a star in the velvet night sky.
It’s not their fault. You did this.
You wanted this.
You turn away from the warm light beaming from the Association as you leave early, the Christmas lights glittering in the windows, the holiday party you’re skipping still in full swing in the open, sleek company restaurant area on the ground floor. A division-wide shindig, to celebrate the end of the year, the holidays.
The night is cold. Fairy lights, nets of bright pinpricks in the dark night, cover the trees lining the sidewalk. Decorative light displays stretch across the busy road at periodic intervals, over the canals that parallel the streets, the gondolas and tour-boats festive under their own lights, red ribbons flapping in the cold winter wind.
You think about how they never recovered a body.
Only Josephine’s ashes fill an urn, sitting in a cold niche of a quiet columbarium. Caleb’s urn is empty.
You start walking, fast, along the busy sidewalk. People are out shopping, scurrying to tie up last minute errands before the city shuts down for the holiday tomorrow.
You want to unzip your coat. Unzip your uniform. Unzip your skin, your ribcage. Leave all these pieces of yourself behind, for others to puzzle over. To sweep up with the rest of the refuse left over from festive party goers on the street. You want to dissipate in the cold winter air like your breath with each cursed inhale, exhale.
You settle for beginning to jog to the metro station, your feet carrying you faster, faster, your boots heavy on the sidewalk. You see it lit in the distance, but you can’t stand the thought of being underground right now. Buried alive, with all the other people. You sprint past it.
You’re graceful enough to duck and weave, not disturb anyone else, until the crowds thin.
You’re running, running, the city is streaming past, like the tears from your eyes. Wet from the cold, because you haven’t cried since waking up, your ears deafening, Caleb’s silver chain glittering in the firelight on the walk up to your grandmother’s burning house.
Tears won’t bring a body back.
You don’t know how much longer you can stand this.
The days, one after another. Alarm, moving through the dark to get to work. Moving through the dark to get back to your apartment at the end of the day.
The pain—your only constant, now. The only thing you expect, have to look forward to, day after blurred day.
An echoing emptiness, like an urn without ashes. An emptiness that feels so full that your skin could burst with it.
You think about your apartment. The festive city outside its windows. The half-opened bottle of wine in the fridge, the only thing in it.
You veer from your neighborhood. Keep running. You’re sweating under your winter coat, your heavy Hunter uniform. It doesn’t matter.
You run, and run, and run, until you run out of streets, sidewalk.
Just the river, wide and black. There is a bridge, soaring over the water, in the distance. Its lights reflected in the water, along with the urban nightscape. Stars above, stars below.
You could drown in them.
You look at the bridge.
You could drown in it all.
There’s no one left, after all.
Who will miss you?
You slow. Stop.
Your breath is heavy in the quiet air. Fairy lights sparkle here, too. Pretty swooping light displays top each lamppost along the river path.
You would have gone to identify the body, as you did with Gran. She didn’t look like herself. Not even a sleeping version of herself. They did their best, reconstructing her face. But it wasn’t the stitches, the bruising. It was that she simply wasn’t there anymore. Like a stranger’s body on display. An empty house after the residents have been forced to flee in a night of unimaginable violence.
But running your hands through her hair, one last time. It soothed something in you. Enough that you could breathe in the cold mortuary air. Could nod. Could watch as they covered her again. As they escorted you out into the bustling hospital hallways, to stand under cold fluorescent lights. To stare vacantly at the wall, until you felt a strange, familiar feeling. You looked up, saw Zayne watching you, at the end of the long hallway. You stared at him, memorizing his beautiful face. His dark hair. His severe, cold loveliness. You let yourself look one last time, and he let you. Through the people filling the hallway, each walking with purpose, they were a blur and he was across the world, across time, a part of your past that should never have reappeared in your present. It hurt too much, to look at his beautiful, distant face. He left you behind, once. He should have stayed gone. You can’t stand to experience the loss again, the loss you felt every time he listened to your heart, expressionless, a stranger with a beautiful, familiar face from your past, a past in which Caleb was still alive.
You looked at Zayne one last time, across a bustling hallway in a place full of life, of death, and he let you. You then turned, headed to the reception desk. You switched doctors, hospitals.
You blocked his number, so you’ll never know if he sent you a text, tried to call and ask why, after. He let you walk out. Which is as it should be.
You wanted this.
The water churns under the whipping wind, the fast current. It looks so cold. Cold enough to numb. Cold enough to finally put out the fire that’s been burning in you, ever since you woke up, your ears deafening, Caleb’s necklace shimmering in the flames.
You think of running your hands through his hair. Something the fire robbed you of—it would have been your first time, your last time. He would pat your head. Call you pipsqueak. Ignore your protests to not mess up your hair, to not treat you like a little kid. But he would always duck out of the way anytime you tried to return the favor, tease him, tousle his hair. His pretty brunette hair that always looked so soft. Now you’ll never know how soft it really was.
You look at the water. You look at the bridge. The car headlights meteors streaking along their guardrail-gated orbit.
You think about going home. Waking up tomorrow, Christmas Day. The silence. You think about going back to work. Killing wanderer after wanderer. Wondering which one will be the one to finally kill you.
The days blur. The constant emptiness echoing inside your apartment, inside your ribcage.
You look at the water. You look at the bridge. You imagine running your hands through Caleb’s hair for the first, the last time. A tender goodbye you’ll never have, because they never found his body.
There’s no one left to miss you.
Your phone vibrates in your pocket. You fish it out.
Rafayel no longer calls, or texts you words. He just sends photos, every once in a while. Mundane details of everyday life, rendered extraordinary through his artist’s eye. Paintings he’s working on. A foreign landscape. Leaves glistening with dew. The moon, waxing full.
You haven’t answered in months. You look at each one, tuck your phone back in your pocket.
You look back at the water. Think about taking a photo of the reflected stars, the thin crescent moon in the black waves, think of sending him one last response. But even you’re not that cruel. You don’t want him to realize later, that he was the last one to say anything to you.
You don’t open his text. You block his number. Tuck the phone back into your pocket.
You start to walk toward the bridge. As you walk, you keep your eyes on the path, its edges. Decorative, smooth stones line the walkway along the river embankment. You pick them up, here and there, as you walk. Slip them into your coat pockets.
Eventually you run out of room in your coat pockets, add more to your pants pockets.
You turn your eyes back to the bridge, looming now.
You think of your empty fridge. Josephine’s empty face. An empty urn.
You’re ready to scoop out what’s left of you, leave it behind on the sidewalk, smoldering as the cold night finally smothers the endless fire, the only thing left inside you. Maybe it will warm someone else, in passing. A last good deed, from you to someone in the world.
A metal staircase, leading up, up, into the black sky, mirroring the dark river, your heavy boots echoing. The cars are loud. If you close your eyes, they could be the rushing waves of an ocean, instead of a river of traffic, above a river of water.
You keep your eyes open. You’re not going to pretend that you’re not doing what you’re doing, now. You’re not at the ocean, its pure salt air drifting through your hair, now whipping around your face. You’re on a busy, exhaust- and oil-stained commuter bridge on the night before Christmas, having cut your ties with everyone you have always known never wanted or needed you in the first place. What’s the difference if a wanderer kills you tomorrow, or if something kills you today? Just empty time, blurry days, photo frames without pictures.
The guardrail isn’t so high as one would guess. It’s an easy step up. An easy step over. You stand, looking back over the city where you were raised. The city that contains all the past versions of yourself, from the moment you were pulled screaming into life from a mother whose face you’ll never know, through to now, an empty shell of a person. If your fellow hunters could see inside you, they’d mistake you for a wanderer and put you down, like the scientists who experimented on you, your own grandmother, did years ago.
Since learning that Gran was one of the people who fucked with your heart, you have often resented that she and her colleagues weren’t successful in finishing the job years ago, when they had the chance.
But now you wonder, standing over a dark, freezing river that reflects what’s inside you now, maybe they did finish it. You just didn’t realize it. Not till tonight, as you look down in the mirror of the rushing water, far below.
Even now, the tears won’t come.
What use are tears, when they can’t bring a body back. When they can’t wash it clean. When they can’t lovingly touch it, one last time, soft strands of hair under your fingers.
Your tears, your heart, your suffering, your existence—useless, for the entirety of a life you can only half remember.
You wonder if it’s the dark, tonight. Why tonight, and not yesterday? Why not six months ago?
Because it took that long to sever the ties binding you here?
Now you are assured, no one will miss you. It will take days before anyone even notices your absence because of your holiday leave.
You hope that they’ll assume it was a wanderer. Bad luck. Wrong time, wrong place. A modest little plaque on the wall of heroes, even though you know you’re no hero.
In the end, it doesn’t matter why it’s tonight, and not any other night.
No need to be dramatic, pretending there’s meaning in the meaningless.
You put your hands on the guardrail, the metal colder than your freezing hands. You lift a heavy booted foot. Take a deep breath.
It’s so cold. It will be over before you know it. You’ve read that from this height, it’s the impact, and not the drowning.
You’ve always had dreams of flying.
You lift your other foot, arms thrown wide for balance, just for a moment. The world feels so big, here at the end. The stars above, the stars below, the doubled crescent moon. You’re ready to drown in it all.
You only have one hope.
I don’t want to be reborn.
You breathe, empty your mind of Tara’s earnest smile, Xavier’s soft laughter, Zayne’s steady hands, Rafayel’s flashing violet eyes. Josephine’s empty face. Caleb’s soft, untouchable hair.
You let yourself fall.
You’re flying. Your heart is soaring. Your heart is seizing. The relief, the terror, mingle. You can’t scream, even if you wanted to.
You’re flying and it’s everything you ever dreamt, until it’s not.
Your body jerks, abruptly. Your hair whips down, lashes your face. You grunt with the impact against… nothing. You’re suspended over the water, drifting in the air. The wind tugs at your stone-weighted coat.
You twist away from the water, craning your neck to look up, up, back at the bridge.
You have withstood the uselessness of tears for almost a year now. But now, you want to cry so badly the pain of the need steals your breath.
You knew he was cruel. You knew he was merciless. You knew that he hated you. You just didn’t realize how much, until now.
You hang suspended over a dark, rushing river, wrapped in scarlet and ink tendrils, looking up into the sneering face of the one person you refused to think about as you made your final decision tonight, at the end of your desolate, half-remembered life.
His evol begins to lift you, away from the merciful impact, the numbing water. You, your past, your heart, the memories and despair and stones filling your pockets seem weightless, wrapped in his power.
His usual mask of bored indifference is gone. He is finally showing you his true face, what he must always feel when he looks at you—fury and disgust.
He says nothing, as he pulls you from the depths, back into the world. As he sets you gently back on your heavy feet on the sidewalk in front of him. His evol evaporates, winter breath in the wind.
He looks at your face with his wine-dark eyes. Looks at the water. Flicks his gaze back to your face.
You will not cry in front of this man. This man who hates you so much he won’t even let you seek the peace of death. Death, which has always been too good for you, but not for the people you loved the most.
You clench your jaw as the fire re-ignites in your chest. The flames you had tried so hard to scoop out, to leave behind.
You don’t want to feel this much anymore.
If you speak, you know you’ll cry. You can’t stand it.
Maybe, with enough repetition, he’ll get bored. He gets bored so easily, after all.
You turn, try to launch yourself over the guardrail again.
This time, it’s not his evol, but his arms that wrap around you, pull you back from the fall.
You struggle, throwing your elbows, kicking, throwing your head back, hoping to catch his perfect nose, break it under the hardness of your stupid, useless skull.
He says nothing, just holds you tighter, wraps one arm around your waist, the other over your chest, his big hand cradling the side of your face, pressing your head back into his own chest, as he hunches over you, an immovable wall of warmth. As you fight to break free of his hold, you are wrapped in his scent—cloves, gun oil.
Sylus.
Eventually, you tire yourself out—despite all of your strength, it is no match for his. He holds you against himself easily, as you pant, lungs burning with the effort, the sweat warm once again under your Hunter’s uniform. You become aware of a whimpering, the keening of a wounded animal.
It’s coming from your throat. Your eyes burn. You go limp in his arms.
“That’s it,” he murmurs. A voice like warm liquor in your veins. You think he’ll let you go. You prepare, hoping you can get to the guardrail again. Maybe this time he won't be so fast. But instead of releasing you, getting away from you as fast as he can, the arm around your waist moves up, cradling your upper back. He scoops his other arm under your legs, holds you against himself like you’re a delicate princess, if you were anyone else. But because it’s you, he’s probably just holding you like a useless sack of shit that would be too annoying to drop. He begins to walk, his stride steady, brisk.
He looks down into your face. “I bought a dress for you. Silk. A design like stars over a flowing river. That’s the only river you’re allowed in tonight, kitten.”
You stare at him. His breath puffs white in the cold air. The face of disgusted fury is replaced by his usual bored mask.
Why is he doing this to you? He wanted to kill you, just a few months ago. Why not let you do the job for him?
He is the only person in your life who didn’t take the hint. Who kept showing up, after you made it clear that you didn’t want their presence anymore. That you couldn’t handle the ties, because ties become nooses, snapping your neck when the other person leaves you behind.
When he showed up where you were, in a ‘coincidental’ meeting on the street, on a jog, you would turn, move in the other direction. He would match your stride, doggedly pestering you with questions, asking you about your evening or weekend plans, telling you silly stories from the N109 Zone, Luke and Kieran’s latest antics. Sometimes he’d just walk in contemplative silence, thumbs hooked through his belt loops, or jog quietly next to you, never losing his breath, never complaining about the pace.
When you would routinely see him at various restaurants you were headed to in order to pick up takeout, you’d leave your food, immediately turning and hurrying away. When the same food was delivered to your door half an hour later, you’d refuse to answer, letting the confused and irritated delivery man leave. A half hour after that, the same man would be back, yell through the door that he had instructions to leave the food even if no one answered, and then he’d make good on his promise. You were faced with the choice of either letting the food go to waste, or eating it guiltily at your kitchen island.
No matter how many times you told the delivery person of the almost daily packages you received with no return address that you didn’t want to accept delivery, they would always insist that their instructions were to deliver regardless of recipient response. You were welcome to bin the items after receipt, but if you didn’t accept, the packages would just pile so high outside of your door that you couldn’t reach your apartment anymore.
You would accept, and then donate whatever exquisite item was inside to women’s shelters, children’s homes, university museums, soup kitchens, fundraiser auctions. No matter how clear it was that you wouldn’t accept anything from him, Sylus never stopped sending you gifts.
When you were sick, he’d show up personally, barge into your apartment when you were too tired to look at the doorbell camera before answering, a duffel bag gripped in his big hand filled with fever reducing medicine, homemade soup from his home chef, painkillers, hot water bottles, cooling pads, muscle pads, vitamins. He’d lounge on your couch, manspreading, insisting that he wouldn’t leave until he saw you swallow the pills and drink a gigantic glass of water.
He’d wait until you lay back down on your messy bed, until you fell asleep. He’d be gone when you woke again, but your apartment would be clean and your fridge and freezer would be stuffed full of healthy pre-prepared food.
You were half-convinced he was just buttering, fattening his prey before getting bored and mercifully ending its life.
Tonight, you are now fully convinced.
“Did your tongue freeze in your mouth?” he asks, descending the stairs you had just walked up, thinking it was your last time ascending them. “Do you need mouth-to-mouth to warm it up again?”
You scowl at him, at how appealing the idea of Sylus’s tongue in your mouth is, even now. You hate yourself, your traitorous body for being drawn to him, even now. “What’s the point of talking, when you never listen?” you grind out, your throat sore. You hadn’t realized how much your animal wailing had wrecked your throat. At least the tears are no longer so close to the surface that they’re threatening to spill.
“I listen to every word out of your beautiful mouth,” he counters serenely, with that same inexplicable kindness that makes your heart hurt. So at odds with how you know he must really feel about you. “I just listen to more than your mouth in order to hear what you’re really saying.”
“What?” You stare at his beautiful face, the way the lamplight illuminates its sharp features for a brief moment, before the night swallows it again as he moves between lampposts on his way… somewhere. Back the way you just came from.
He spares you a glance. “Your mouth says one thing, while the rest of you is screaming something else.”
You feel the blood draining from your face. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
One corner of his beautiful mouth lifts. “Don’t play dumb, kitten. You’re too smart for it to be convincing.”
You were just falling into the river. You were just about to be free. How did you get here again? In this man’s arms, his smug, roguish smile filling you with the unease of being seen.
“I mean, it wouldn’t kill you to be a little more honest about the fact that you want people to fight for you, right?”
You begin to struggle again, shame lancing through you, making your body unbearable to be in. You know it’s weak, to have wanted so desperately that the people you were carving from your life would see what you were doing and stop you, place their hands over yours holding the cleaver, gently push it down, down, until it dropped from your grasp—how desperately you wanted them to step into your space, hold you tightly, just like this man who sees right through you is holding you now. You wanted Tara to keep inviting you out with your ridiculous colleagues, to sing your heart out at shitty karaoke clubs, to forcibly drag you to sleepovers and arcade nights. You wanted Xavier to push himself into your apartment, try to bake something horrible in your oven, sheepishly offer to go to the bakery with you instead when the fire alarm inevitably went off. You wanted Zayne to walk through the crowd to reach you at the other end of the hallway after you identified Josephine’s body, to ask to take your hand, to ask how you were doing, even though you knew you wouldn’t have been able to answer. You wanted Rafayel to keep inventing excuses for you to visit his studio, to keep insisting that he needed you to accompany him to expositions and fancy lunches as his bodyguard.
But none of them did in the end, and that’s okay. You kept pushing them away, because your terror of their leaving was apparently bigger than your need for their presence in your life, and at least if they were already gone, as they inevitably would be, you’d finally be free.
But the last person you would want to see this utterly humiliating need inside you, exposing you like this, is the one looking down at you right now with deceptively soft, all-seeing eyes.
You know the feeling, this need, of pulling away and pulling away and then being heartbroken when people finally let you is weak, and pathetic.
You may experience weak and pathetic feelings, but you’re not weak or pathetic. Not at your core. You were prepared to do what was necessary, to save yourself from the pain of your emptiness, the fire raging inside your chest. You weren’t asking anything of anyone. You were doing it all on your own.
Not a burden.
Never a fucking burden.
You clench your teeth, buck in Sylus’s arms.
He just holds you tightly, a straightjacket for the insanity that you’re feeling, the insanity of this man, out of all the people in your life, stripping you of your masks, flaying you so that all of your most tender, shameful parts are exposed to both him and yourself.
“Stop that. You’re just going to tire yourself further, when I need you tonight.”
Of course. The quid pro quo. He helped you with the auction, the Aether Core. Now you owe him. He doesn’t give a fuck if you live or die—he just can’t let one of his assets destroy itself before it fulfills his purpose.
You go limp in his arms. Turn your head away from him.
He continues his train of thought. “No, it wouldn’t kill you to tell the truth to your friends, so you decided to take matters into your own hands, huh? Telling the people in your life that you actually need them wouldn’t kill you, so why bother, right, when you can just jump off of a fucking bridge?” His voice sounds like the night you met him. Controlled anger. Disgust. Accusation.
Then there’s something wrong with her.
You thought you had killed everything inside of you already. The yearning for human connection. The kindness of a friend. Family holding you in their arms. You thought you had scooped out most of it, even as some of it rekindled when he pulled you back from the fall.
But the way you’re hurting now, at the memory of his hate, the reminder that the people you love won’t fight for you even if it would be fighting against you, and that this man, for all of his false generosity, never cared for you from the beginning, that his gifts and his visits were all what you knew them to be, all along—a bored predator toying with its prey before using it and consuming it.
You let your thoughts drift back to the bridge, push your pain away. Feed it to the fire. When he’s done with you, maybe you won’t even have to jump.
“Just shut up, Sylus. I’ll help you with your problem tonight. Just promise me you’ll toss me over yourself, when you’re done with me,” you tell the night, because you still can’t bring yourself to look at him.
He stops walking. The wind is so cold against your face. You wish he’d snap your neck, right now. You’re so fucking tired.
“Look at me.” His voice is low. Menacing.
You watch the water. Wonder how long it would take if you just walked out into it, without jumping. Just walk in with your stone-weighted coat and let the cold paralyze you, the current pull you under.
“Look at me, my heart,” he whispers. The change in his tone, his bizarre endearment, has you turning your head, looking up into his face. “That is one promise I can never make you.” He looks like he’s in pain. You don’t know why. He leans down, rests his forehead against yours, hunching his big shoulders, lifting your body in his arms so he can meet you. His breath is warm against your lips. “Please don’t talk to me like that.”
You want to snort. It’s rich, coming from him—the same man who is telling you not to tell him to shut up, after all the things he said to you as he starved you, strangled you.
“Please don’t tell me to kill you. To hurt you. That hurts me.”
You stare up into his face. See the sincerity in his eyes. The wind whips your hair. He wasn’t upset that you told him to shut up, but that you asked him to kill you? “What does it matter? Aren’t you going to, in the end?”
“Why would I stop you tonight, if I wanted you to die?”
Of course he won’t answer outright. When has Sylus Qin ever answered a direct question?
“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. Why bother stopping me, unless you just need to use me and then be done with me? I can’t be that irreplaceable. Just get someone else to put on the dress, and let me get on with my fucking life. Someone who you can train to say just the right things, at just the right time, who’ll look good in whatever fancy shit you want to put her in. There’s gotta be easier idiots than me to serve your purpose.”
He closes his eyes, breathes in the cold night air. When he opens them, you have to look away. You can’t handle whatever is in them. “I know I hurt you, when we first met. That I said cruel things to you. I’m sorry.”
You laugh, even as your heart wrenches at this strange apology. Of course he doesn’t explain what offended him so much about your existence at the beginning. Why he treated you exactly how you deserved. Probably just whatever he saw when he used his Aether Core on you. He saw the echoing chambers of your empty, fucked up heart and was enraged that it was you, and not someone worthy, who would absorb the Aether Core. “There’s never been any need to varnish the truth, Sylus. You almost choked me to death the day we met. You should have fucking finished what you started,” you sneer. “Why does no one ever finish what they start?” You think of Josephine, her researcher cronies. Think of Caleb, his promise to return, the last text he ever sent you. Your fucking parents, who you will never know.
You don’t expect an answer.
And yet, you’re surprised when Sylus wordlessly releases his hold on you. Lets you slip from his arms, sets you back on your feet. You settle in your heavy boots, the weight of your coat, the stones in your pockets, grounding you to the earth.
The lamplight shines in his silver-sheened, wind-tousled hair. His cheeks are red from the cold.
Of course. Of course.
No tool is irreplaceable.
You’re not irreplaceable.
You finally said the right thing, to push him away.
This is it. This is it. This is it.
Your mind returns to the bridge. Your hand is holding the cleaver, dripping with the blood from the last unwelcome tether to your life.
You try to memorize his face, just as you did Zayne’s, but for some reason looking at Sylus’s face hurts you so much more despite having known him for so little time. Just a sigh, in the timeline of your life. The warm glow of his irises. The softness of his lower lip. The pride in his shoulders, his nose.
Maybe you didn’t want to think of him before jumping because you had fallen in love with him, despite the fact that any affection he offered was counterfeit—the steady way he breathed next to you on a jog, the way he spread out on your couch, his dry humor, his intelligence, his piercing gaze, his kindness that was actually more cruel than if he had just tossed you out and never bothered to look for you again after the auction.
You knew it was fake. You knew it was calculated. You knew that the reality was, because he had told you from the very beginning—
Don’t tell me that you like me. Is this all so you can get my attention?
Clearly you’ve read too many fairytales.
And yet you had believed, in the bright moments of receiving his kind attention, in the fairytale. Just for a heartbeat. A raindrop, splattering on the ground.
You thought that you couldn’t bear to see what it looks like when Sylus finally tires of you pushing him away, and stops reaching out, as everyone else has.
But with just a few words, you’ve finally managed to do it. He set the burden of you down, and now he’ll walk away, replace you with some other beautiful, breathing tool.
You learn in this moment that you actually can bear it. You can bear anything, as long as you know that very soon, you won’t have to bear anything at all.
“You wanted the truth?” you say, suddenly, the relief flooding through you that the worst has happened, that you’re now actually free. You think of the fabric of the dress, liquid stars over a night river, and wonder whose body it will caress, with Sylus’s big hand on her waist, his gentle fingers drifting across her collarbone, his forehead pressed against hers, for whatever ruse he needs to run tonight, on Christmas Eve.
He grows still. Watches you carefully, as if searching your face for a trick. You look back at him steadily, scooping everything inside you out, letting it splatter onto the sidewalk, here along this dark riverbank.
“Will you give it to me?” he finally asks.
“As a parting thank you gift, for cutting me loose.” You nod. Take a shuddering breath of the frigid air. “Here is me telling you the truth: you should treat the woman who ends up wearing the dress you got with more gentleness than you did me at the beginning. You could have the world eating out of the palm of your hand, if you skip the cruelty at the beginning and just treat people the way you treated me in the last few months. She’ll do anything for you, I think, if you do. Because somehow you made me love you, despite our beginning. I could bear to cut everyone else loose but you.” You laugh, and the sound is like icicles snapping, shattering on the ground. “Thank you for doing it for me, instead. It’s probably the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me.”
You smile at him.
You don’t know why you’re surprised that he just frowns deeply, brow furrowing.
Well. That’s okay. You never expected him to be pleased to see your face, smiling or not.
“Good luck, Sylus.”
You turn, begin to walk back the way you came, for the second time tonight. Your thoughts are already at the bridge. You’ve been falling for months now. Soon you’ll finally hit the crystal water and shatter.
You hope you won’t be reborn.
“You said you love me.” His deep, low voice is carried by the wind.
You stop, turn your head. “Stupid, huh?” you ask, wondering if he wants to pour salt into the wound you just willingly exposed to him.
“Why would you love someone who treated you the way I did?”
You turn fully, face him across the night, one last time. “You’re so fucking funny. I’ve always appreciated men who can make me laugh.” You shrug. “And I’m a pathetic fool. You pretended to be kind, and I lapped it up like the thirsty dog I am.”
He tilts his head, takes a step towards you. “That’s all?”
You take a step back. You don’t need him and his pretty face, his delicious scent any closer to torment you.
You offer him more truth. “Of course not.”
“What else?”
You sigh. “What does it matter? We’ll never see each other again.”
He shakes his head. “Indulge me.”
So salt, it is. You press your fingers into the most tender part of yourself, peel yourself wide open. “Your cleverness. How sweet you can be when you want something—strangely pliant, for such a big, powerful man. The self confidence you have. I could say, do anything and you did so well pretending to never be embarrassed of me. You made me believe, very briefly, that you really wanted to be with me, do anything, go anywhere, just because I was there. It’s quite impressive, really. I can see why you’re so good at business. You’re competent. You’re beautiful to look at.” You pause, shake your head in turn. “But you already know all that. You know why you’re loveable. You made me feel cherished in a way that no one ever has, even as I was pushing you away. But honestly, those are just parts of you. They don’t fully cover what it is about you that makes my heart ache when I look at you. I love you because you’re you. Even hearing your name makes my heart race. Seeing your shoes in my foyer, because they were on your feet. The curve of your wrist, because it belongs to you. I know it’s pathetic, and stupid.” You shrug again. “Can’t help it, though.”
He stares at you.
You prod him. “Is that enough?”
“How can you ask if that’s enough, when it’s everything?”
You look at him in confusion. “Huh?”
He takes a step towards you, frowning. “Are you only telling me all this because you think I’ve finally given up and allowed you to push me away, because I set you back on your feet?”
You take a step back, as he takes another step forward.“What do you mean ‘I think’ you’ve given up?” You squint at him.
“Did you only tell me all this because you’re going straight back to the bridge to try again?”
You take another step back at the intensity of his face, his question. “What does it matter? You don’t have to worry about what happens to me after this.”
He takes two steps. “You tell me you love everything about me, and then you plan to fuck off and leave me alone again?”
Okay, this was a mistake. You don’t know why he’s mad, but he’s mad again. “I’m sorry.”
You don’t know what else to say. You’ve been sorry your whole life. This is yet another miscalculation. You should have just left. What did you think would happen if you told him how you feel? That he’d be happy about your pathetic heart bleeding pitifully for him?
He strides over to you, his long legs outpacing your own. “If you’re sorry, don’t fucking do it.”
“What?”
He looks down into your face, so close you can smell him again, you can see the fine lines around his eyes as he frowns. “If you’re really sorry for loving me, for ever meeting me—which are the only things you have to be sorry for, then make it up to me by staying. Don’t leave me. Don’t push me away anymore. Just stay, and love me.”
You huff. “Are you really that desperate for help tonight?”
He lifts his hands, places his palms on your cheeks, his long fingers dipping into your hair. “No, I’m desperate for you tonight. It’s Christmas—I don’t give a shit about the holidays, but I know you do. I want to spend it with you. You made me watch you jump off of a goddamned bridge. What would have happened if I hadn’t already been on my way to you?” He sounds so upset. You’ve never seen him like this. The fear is naked on his lovely face.
“What the fuck are you talking about? What does it matter? You said you could get someone else for the dress, for tonight.” You’re so confused. Why is he acting like this?
“I didn’t say any of that. You suggested that I replace you with someone else, I set you on the ground to make sure you were looking at my face, that you were listening to my words when I told you that you’re irreplaceable. That no one else will do. That after watching you almost die, I can’t continue being cautious and trying not to frighten you away anymore.”
“You… what?”
“You love me. Right? You weren’t lying?” he looks uncertain, like he can’t quite believe it.
You can’t bring yourself to lie. The truth is out. You’re witnessing the fallout. There’s no point in backpedaling. “Yeah.”
He nods, once, decisively. “Okay. That’s enough.”
You sigh in relief. Maybe he’ll let you go, finally, finally.
He checks his chunky watch, the platinum flashing in the lamplight. “There’s still time.”
“Time for what?”
“For my plans tonight. Come.” He closes the distance, sweeps you into his arms again, cradles your body against him like something fragile.
“What plans? Listen—” you start to argue.
“No. Now it’s my turn to speak, and for you to listen.” he squeezes you tightly. “Today was the last day you spend alone. If you can’t live for yourself, then you can live for me, until you remember why you want to live for yourself again. No matter what you say, or what you do to get rid of me, it’s not going to work.”
You can’t even process what is happening. “What are you—?” you begin, but he cuts you off again.
His voice is strained, rough. “You love me. So you have to take responsibility. You have to stay.”
You don’t know what to say.
I’m desperate for you tonight.
You can’t believe this. He hates you. He has hated you from the beginning. He was so kind to you because he wanted to use you for something he never bothered explaining to you. He needs you for your resonance, your amplification of his powers.
You’re irreplaceable. No one else will do.
Because of your resonance?
I don’t give a shit about the holidays, but I know you do.
He carries you along the wind-swept riverbank, through the frigid night. Stars above, stars below.
You made me watch you jump off a goddamned bridge.
You didn’t think anyone was left to care.
You were so careful, severing ties like arteries, so that you wouldn’t leave the world with more pain than you found it. It was already bleeding so much.
You just were so tired of bleeding with it.
As if sensing the turn of your thoughts, Sylus carries you to the edge of the river’ embankment, where the concrete falls away, drops into the water.
He sets you down again, but doesn’t let you go. His big hands slide down the outside of your coat, dip into your pockets.
He pulls out a smooth stone. Turns it in his hands.
“I’ll never understand how someone so light can weigh so heavily in me,” he murmurs, almost to himself. “But you’re a weight I’ll carry for as long as you let me.”
His ember eyes flick back to yours. He hands you the stone.
“This is your conviction that the world won’t miss you, if you’re gone. You will hold it in your hand, one last time. And then you will throw it in the water.” He wraps your cold fingers around the stone. Somehow, his fingers are still warm.
You grasp it, look up into his face. You see yourself in them. It hurts, to be seen so clearly. You’re so ashamed. “How did you know?”
He closes his eyes, shakes his head a little. Opens them. “I looked into your soul, the day we met. I know you’re too soft-hearted in this life to kill yourself if you thought it would hurt someone else. You don’t carry that spite, anymore.”
In this life.
Anymore.
You can’t bring yourself to ask him what he means. You only know that once again, Sylus Qin has seen inside you, has seen you, in a way no one else ever has.
“But I don’t think anyone would miss me. I made sure of it.”
He huffs. “You’re a fool, if you actually believe that. The people you’ve pushed away still love you. But if you can’t believe that yet, then you can’t pretend to yourself that you’re disposable anymore, if for no other reason than I’m standing here now, telling you that I would miss you.”
You think of Tara, sitting on your desk, nudging a steaming latte she got for you on her way to work toward you, asking if you’ve heard the latest about Simone and Andrew.
You think of Xavier, walking you to your door at the end of a nasty wanderer encounter, reaching out, brushing a bit of mud off your cheek, then smearing it across his own cheek. See, we match now.
You think of Zayne, waiting across a busy hallway, patient, letting you choose to approach him, and respecting you by letting you walk away.
You think of Raf, the beauty he shares with you with every photo, the funny strings of emoji that don’t demand an answer.
“How do you know, that they would miss me?” you ask Sylus quietly.
“I’ve been watching you for a long time, sweetie. Do you think I haven’t seen your friends’ faces when you walk away from them?”
You clutch the stone in your hand. “I don’t think I can change my thoughts, my conviction, just like that.”
“You love me, so you have to try. Throw it. Every time you try to drag it back up, I’ll remind you that you threw it away, and you can let it stay at the bottom of the river.” He reaches up, caresses your cheek with his fingertips.
You want to cry. You want to cry, because you’re so afraid. If you let yourself believe that people love you, you have to stay, for them. You have to feel, every day, the weight of grief, of existence, the pain of being alive, of being inside yourself, your body. The hollowness will return, even with your friends, even with Sylus filling most of it.
It’s like he can read your thoughts as his eyes devour your face, as his fingers tuck a lock of hair behind your ear. “I won’t let you pretend, anymore. You love me, and I will not survive if you aren’t here with me. So you have to stay. We don’t have to accept that life is a curse. We can fight back. Make it something better.”
“I’m scared,” you say.
His eyes are so tender, as he watches your mouth form your biggest truth, set it free in the night. “I will protect you, until you can protect yourself again. There’s nothing to be afraid of, if we’re together.”
You want to believe him. Your heart beats painfully behind your ribs. The moon is a sharp crescent in the sky.
But you’re a weight I’ll carry for as long as you let me.
“You’ll really stay?”
He finally smiles, a faint Sylus smile that feels like a grin. “I told you. Today was the last day you’ll ever be alone. You can’t get rid of me now, no matter what you do, or say.”
You turn, holding the stone in your cold hands. You think of all the lies you’ve been telling yourself, about your friends, your place in their lives, because you were so tired of living with an unnameable grief, one you carried inside you long before Caleb and Josephine died, but whose loss compounded, made unbearable the original sorrow.
And I will not survive if you aren’t here with me.
You don’t know why he feels this way. Does he love you too? He hasn’t said so. Can he even love you, in the way you love him?
Does it matter?
It’s enough, that he says he’ll stay. That he wants you to stay alive. That he’ll help remind you, when the whispers drift back in your mind, telling you that you’re just a burden, that no one actually loves you, would miss you when you’re gone. When the hollowness echoes so loudly it’s all you can hear.
You lean back, lift the stone, throw it as hard as you can, as far as you can, into the rushing river.
You don’t hear its splash over the wind.
You turn back to Sylus.
He dips into your pocket again. Pulls out another stone. “Your guilt, for having lived. For having been born.”
You take it from him. Let your mind drift. Feel along the contours of your memories, the jagged, missing pieces, all the way back to when it fades to black. You throw the stone.
You don’t see it sink to the riverbed.
He dips into your pocket again. “Your shame, for needing others. For being human, and imperfect. For not being able to do it all alone. For wanting to be loved.”
You take the stone. “Is it really okay?” you ask, helplessly. There’s no point pretending everything he is saying isn’t true. “To want these things, when I haven’t earned them?”
He steps closer to you. Places his hands on your shoulders, draws you in. “There is no okay, or not okay. There is no crime and punishment, no transgression, no sin. How can it be shameful, to want what you were born to want? Why does love have to be earned, instead of just given?”
You lean into him, press your face into his chest, his thick wool coat soft against your skin.
“I don’t know.”
He reaches into your pocket, places a stone in your other hand. “One for your shame, one for the idea that love must be earned. Throw them.”
You lean back again, and it’s already too far away from him. But you throw each stone, and they disappear under the cold water.
“That’s enough, for now. We’ll take the rest home.” He draws you back into his arms. Lifts you without effort, stone-filled pockets and all. The weight of all of you. “When you have thoughts of shame, of guilt, of not being loved, we’ll come back. You’ll throw them again. Until they’re all gone. We’ll gather other stones, when other feelings make life unbearable. I’ll come with you, as many times as you need.”
Sylus carries you along the path back to the road that snakes along the river. His motorcycle gleams under a bright lamppost.
He settles a helmet on your head, checks to make sure it’s secure. Puts his own on. You sit behind him, cling to him. Rest your head against his broad back, close your eyes. The motorcycle is loud, and he drives it carefully through the busy, holiday bustling streets, until he reaches your apartment building. He holds your hand as he leads you through the front doors, as he stands quietly beside you in the elevator, his red, warm eyes never leaving your face in the elevator mirrors. He leads you to your front door, waits patiently while you unlock it with your cold finger.
In the hallway, he kneels at your feet, unlaces your tall boots while you look down at him, the soft fall of his silver hair, his big, nimble fingers working the laces.
He then removes his own boots. His coat. He’s wearing a garishly bright Christmas sweater, with prancing reindeer. He hangs his coat on a peg in the wall. He turns, slowly unzips yours. Eyes flicking between the zipper and your face. He gently lifts it from your body, again like it’s weightless, even though it’s still filled with stones. He pulls it from your arms, hangs it next to his.
He pulls you further into your place.
The first thing you notice is the warmth. It’s so warm, like someone came in while you were gone and turned on the heating.
The next thing you notice is the Christmas tree. The one you didn’t get this year, because the thought of the holidays without Caleb and your grandmother was unbearable.
Beautifully, tastefully decorated. Silver and gold, twinkling lights. Its pine scent fills your place.
Sylus moves to a record player on one of the cabinets along your living room wall. A record player that wasn’t here before you went to work today. He fiddles with the arm, and suddenly Joni Mitchell’s River fills your house.
It’s coming on Christmas
They’re cutting down trees
They're putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on
He walks back to you. “Is this okay?”
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Whoa I wish I had a river I could skate away on
The music flows around you, paralyzing you. You stare into his face, into the warm glow of his eyes. How could you have missed this? The way he’s looking at you now? Through all the long months since the auction?
He tried hard to help me
You know, he put me at ease
And he loved me so naughty
Made me weak in the knees
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on
The words wash over you, through you. The scent of pine warms you, memories without form filling you with the sense of home, safety, love.
I made my baby cry
I'm so hard to handle
I'm selfish and I'm sad
Now I've gone and lost the best baby
That I ever had
Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on
He takes your hands in his, thumbs across your skin. “Is it too much?”
You think of how cold it was, standing on the guardrail of the bridge.
You were running toward the bridge, while Sylus was filling your home with warmth.
What would have happened if I hadn’t already been on my way to you?
You think of him spreading out on your couch, as a fever raged through your body. You think of your freezer, filled with food. You think of the takeout boxes, still steaming, sitting in front of your closed door.
You think of him hanging delicate ornaments on a fragrant tree.
I made my baby cry
You shake your head, the enormity of what almost happened filling you. The enormity of the choice you made, that you enacted, until Sylus pulled you back from the rushing dark.
You start to shake.
“Kitten?”
“It’s not too much,” you say, teeth chattering. “It’s wonderful. Thank you.”
He stares down at you, seems to make a decision. “Shower. Now.”
You nod, moving away from him, but he follows.
Inside your small bathroom, he takes up the entire space. He peels off your hunter’s uniform, tosses it beyond the open bathroom door. His gaze flicks from your undershirt, your underwear, to your face. “Do you want me to leave?”
You think of the dark water, an impact that never came. Sylus plugging in the record player, choosing a record with one of your favorite Christmas songs on it. Placing it delicately on the turntable.
“No. You promised you’d never leave me alone again.”
He smiles a little. “I mean, leave the bathroom.”
“No. You promised you’d never leave me alone again,” you repeat.
He stares into your eyes. Nods. Lifts your undershirt. He reaches behind you, unhooks your bra with the same agility that he unlaced your boots. He lifts it from your body, watches you as he lifts it to his nose, inhales.
You shiver.
He tosses the bra behind him. Kneels. Pulls your underwear from your hips, down your legs. You step out of them. He stands again.
He leans over, his ridiculous, festive sweater soft against your cheek, as he reaches past you to turn on the shower faucet. As he messes with the knobs until steam begins to fill the small space. He nudges you forward, past the sliding glass door and into the small shower cabin, letting the hot water pour over you. You turn, watch him through the clear glass. He picks up your underwear, watches you as he lifts it to his nose, inhales as he did with your bra. His eyes close for a moment, and then open. He tucks the little slip of fabric into his pants pocket, sits on the closed toilet, rests his elbows on his knees, and continues to watch you.
You let the hot water flow over your tired, cold body. You stare at Sylus’s face, let it fill your vision, blot out the rushing river, the impact that never came, the idea of everything you would have missed, if he hadn’t pulled you out. Everything you would have missed, in such a short amount of time. What else would you miss, if he hadn’t caught you? If he could give you so much within an hour, how much would you have missed in a day? In a week?
What have you been fighting, this whole time?
Just yourself.
You think of the stones at the bottom of the riverbed, instead of your body. Your conviction that you’re not loved, your guilt, your shame, instead of you.
You stare at the man who handed you each one, and told you to get rid of them, instead of yourself. The man sitting in your tiny bathroom, filling it with his big body, his even bigger presence, staring at you, staring at him.
You stop shaking.
Reach for the body wash, lather your hands. Run your hands along your body, under your armpits. He frowns, eyes on your hands. You palm your breasts, dip between your legs.
He lowers his head, eyes still on your hands, rests his full lips on his long steepled fingers.
You finish lathering your body, let the water wash it away. He’s too far away, even this close, on the other side of the glass.
As you turn off the water, he stands, lifts one of your towels from the rack. Holds it out for you. You step into it, him, let him wrap it around you. He turns you both, so that you’re looking in the bathroom mirror, which is mostly fogged.
“Better?” he asks.
You nod, soaking in his warmth at your back, the steam of the bathroom.
You have a question, a question you can’t bring yourself to say out loud yet.
You reach out with one hand. Trace a finger through the fogged mirror.
Sylus watches you, resting his chin on your shoulder.
Letters, a question.
Do you like me? Circle yes or no
Sylus smiles again, lifts an eyebrow. He reaches out, takes your hand in his. He circles no with your finger.
You frown, heart sinking, but Sylus just whispers, “Patience, kitten,” and flattens your palm across like. Guides your finger again, just above the erased like, drags it through the moisture in an elegant script.
love
He then gently sets your hand down. Lifts his own, circles with one long finger, yes.
He watches your reaction in the mirror.
You had no idea.
This whole time, you had no idea, even though he was showing you, with every ‘chance’ encounter, his pestering you with questions about work, life, his silly stories about the N109 Zone. His packages at your door. Fever medication, a big glass of water shoved into your hands.
You think of the rushing water, what almost happened. What you almost missed.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you let me believe you still hated me?”
He looks down at you now, away from your reflection in the mirror. His eyes trail your face, down your curved neck. He palms the back of your neck, his thumb drifting along the side, over a mole there.
“Have you heard of the myth that where we have moles is where someone kissed us in a past life?”
Even if so much has changed between you in just the last few hours, you’re reassured that Sylus Qin still can’t answer a straightforward question with a straightforward answer.
You shake your head. “No, I had never heard of that.”
Sylus smiles, and it looks a little sad. He leans down, presses the softest of kisses against your skin, the mole there. “Like most human legends, it’s a pretty lie. Not quite true.”
You laugh. “I could have guessed as much.” You tilt your neck, enjoying the press of his warm lips on your skin for the first time.
He opens his mouth, runs his teeth over where he just kissed you. Bites, gently.
You shiver again. Press your neck into, instead of away from his teeth.
He bites harder.
You gasp.
“I was afraid I’d frighten you with the enormity of my feelings for you, when in your mind, we’d only just met,” he murmurs against your neck, his saliva, the indentation of his teeth hot on your skin.
He bites again, presses himself into your ass through the towel. You realize he’s hard.
You forget about the last part of his sentence. Had you not only just met?
You lift your hands, let the towel unfurl from around your body, let it drop to the floor.
You almost died tonight.
What have you been fighting this whole time?
Just yourself.
He tried hard to help me
You know, he put me at ease
You turn in his arms. He’s breathing hard, cheeks pink.
“You love me?”
He closes his eyes. Opens them. Shakes his head. “Love isn’t intense enough.”
“Adore me?” You lift your arms, wrap them around his neck. Pull his face closer to your own.
He shakes his head again. “Still not enough.”
“You won’t survive without me?” You lift on your toes, his soft sweater almost unbearable against your sensitive nipples.
He nods. “You’re getting closer. Can’t breathe without you. When I saw you jump…” He swallows, thickly. “You might as well have pulled me down with you, beloved. If it ever gets to be too much again, take me with you. I’ll never leave you alone again. Promise me the same,” he demands, big, calloused hands running up your naked sides, the fabric of his dark jeans rough against your body, where your thighs meet, as he helplessly nudges against you again with his hips, his hard dick behind his zipper.
I'm so hard to handle
I'm selfish and I'm sad
“I wouldn’t have known, unless you told me,” you breathe against his lips. “Promise that you’ll tell me how you’re feeling from now on, and I’ll promise to take you with me if I can’t leave the stones in the riverbed, even with you here.”
His voice is deep, rough like the fabric of his pants against your sensitive skin. “Deal.” He closes the distance, presses his soft lips to yours. Licks into your mouth.
And he loved me so naughty
Made me weak in the knees
His hands drift down your sides as his tongue dips into your throat, as he swallows your noises of pleasure, just from kissing him, his hands on you. He grips your ass, urges your legs around his waist. He carries you out of the tiny, steaming bathroom, manages not to knock you against the doorway, or into any furniture on the way to your bedroom, even as he continues to kiss you, as your hands in his soft hair probably block his peripheral view. He lays you down on your bed, the puff of your duvet. It’s so warm in your place that you’re not even shivering. You watch as he pulls his cheerful sweater and undershirt over his head, tosses them to the floor. As he unzips himself, hastily yanks down his pants and boxers, his socks. He blankets you with his big body.
You wrap your arms around him, pull him tightly to you, arch your breasts into his chest. He leans down, runs his nose along your cheek, inhales the scent of your hair at your temple. You just feel each other, for a long stretch of time. His soft chest hair against your skin, the silken skin of his dick between your thighs where he just leisurely rubs himself against you, as your palms run down the muscles of his back, the line of his spine. You’ve refused to think of him like this, ever since he wrapped his hand around your throat. You couldn’t bear his beauty, through all the long months that followed. You fled, every time your heart raced at the flash of silver as he approached you, met you where you were, over and over and over.
But now he says he has loved you, through it all. That he’ll never leave you alone again.
You let yourself feel him, under your hands, under your tongue, as you lick into his ear, feel him shiver. As you squeeze your thighs together, offering him a tight, snug space for him to keep pleasuring himself, as you feel your own wetness begin to coat your inner thighs, his cock, the longer you feel him on top of you, inhale the scent of his skin, the ever-present gun oil, the cloves, his clean sweat underneath it all.
After a lifetime, or only a few minutes, he leans down, says softly into your ear. “I want you. Tell me you want me too.”
“Can’t you tell?” you ask, bucking a little, squeezing him with your legs again.
He makes a low, pleasured sound in his throat. “I want to hear you say it. You’ve gone through a lot tonight. I need to know you actually want this. That you’re not just—” his breath hitches, as you move your hips again, as his dick slips between your wet, soft places. “That you’re not too tired to say otherwise, not thinking straight.”
“Use your Aether Core on me. Then you’ll know that my body is telling you what my mouth would, if I said the words.” You smile at him, teasing.
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
You had wanted to fly. You had settled for flying for a brief moment, before shattering.
But Sylus is offering you constant flight, under, over, along his crow’s wings.
You think of the rushing water. The tide of cars behind you, the wind whipping your hair. You almost missed this. You don’t want to waste any more time.
He lowers his forehead to yours, breathes, speaks against your saliva-slick lips with his own. “I don’t want to use my Aether Core on you. I want the words in your mouth, in your heart. I want your free will, your freely given consent. I almost lost you because I tried to force you, at the beginning. You believed I hated you, this whole time. Don’t ask me to force you again, my heart.”
You understand. You accept his request, his demand. “I want you, Sylus.”
He exhales, shifts above you, slips his wet cock between your legs, slides into your body with gentle, firm, graceful waves of his hips.
You whine, the feeling of fullness layering into the pleasure of the warmth of his skin, the taste of his tongue. For once, the feelings inside you threatening to burst out of your skin are so good, instead of painful, so pleasurable, that you can barely stand it.
He kisses you, his velvet tongue big, heavy in your mouth. You suck, whine again as he lifts a hand, palms your breast, begins to thrust into you.
You are filled with him. His warmth. The size of him.
You widen your legs, wrap them around his thick ass. Urge him with your own body to move faster, to fuck you harder. He gives you everything you want. Just the pressure of his body against yours has you coming, the release bright, sudden—you shake with it.
Your pleasure seems to trigger his. He grunts, roots into you, buries his teeth in your neck, bites where he bit you before, over the mole on your neck. The sting makes you clench, and he whimpers, groans, comes with a jerk of his hips.
He slows, still filling you, still pleasuring you, as he lifts his head to look into your eyes.
You stare at each other, breath mingling, warm between you.
You smile at him.
He smiles at you. Nudges your nose with his.
“Can we do that again?” you ask.
He laughs, low and surprised. “Yeah,” he says, kissing you softly. “Just tell me, and I’m yours, anytime, anyplace.”
“I’m telling you.” You move your hips, feel his cum drip drown your ass. Feel him gasp at your movement.
“Now?” He’s surprised again.
“Problem?” you grin at him.
“Fuck no.” He kisses you, hard. Slips out of you. Flips you over, lifts your hips with one big hand, pressing his other between your shoulder blades.
He presses his cock back between your legs, the slide easy and wet, and fucks you until you come again, until he blankets your back with his sweat-slicked, matted-hair chest.
“Was that enough, your highness?” he teases.
“I’m telling you,” you pant, wondering what he’ll do.
“As you wish,” he murmurs, before flipping you again. Before watching your face as he slowly, leisurely works himself, his cum into you, makes you come again.
In the morning, the sky through your windows is heavy, dark, gray. You wake slowly. Turn your head, find Sylus’s sleeping face next to yours on the pillow. He’s lying on his stomach. You take in the dark sweep of his lashes, his generous mouth, slightly parted.
You slip out of the bed, use the bathroom. You wander into the living room, gaze at the Christmas tree, its twinkling lights.
It’s Christmas.
Caleb and your grandmother are dead.
But you’re still alive.
Your body aches from Sylus’s efforts, but it feels good. For once, it feels good to be inside your body. To breathe deeply.
You think of riverstones, sinking deep in the riverbed.
You know that the feelings tied to them will try to rise, clawing to the surface again.
We’ll gather other stones, when your feelings make life unbearable. I’ll come with you, as many times as you need.
Your eyes drift to the top of the Christmas tree. It’s empty.
“I thought we should finish it together.” Sylus’s warm arms wrap around you from behind. He leans over your shoulder, kisses your cheek softly. “Do you want to do the honors?”
You smile, wrapping your hands over his forearms around your waist. “You’re taller.”
“Use me as much as you like, kitten.” He turns, grabs a pretty golden glass tree-topper from your kitchen table, hands it to you. He lifts you up onto one shoulder, easily, and you fit it gently over the highest point of the tree. He holds you against him, as he lowers you. You slide along his body, until he sets you gently on your feet again.
You both stand, admiring it for a moment. It’s beautiful, like the rest of the decorations.
You hug him, look up into his face.
“Merry Christmas, Sylus.”
He smiles down at you, ruby eyes twinkling with reflected light from the tree.
You would have missed this moment, and all the moments like it, if Sylus hadn’t stopped you last night. You shudder, hug him more tightly.
You know your feelings will return. That no one person can solve a lifetime of wounds. But you promised him that you’d try. That you’d stay. You can only do your best.
You hear your phone vibrating, reluctantly pull away from him, head to your coat in the hallway where you thought you left it last night, but Sylus stops you. He points at your kitchen island. Your phone is lying on the counter. You look at him in confusion, but go to check it.
You’re shocked at how many missed texts you have.
From Tara.
Xavier.
Your eyes widen.
Zayne, who you thought you had blocked, months ago.
Rafayel, who you’re sure you blocked last night.
Each one is a response from a text you never sent. Telling them Merry Christmas. Telling them you love them. Telling them you hope to spend time with them soon.
None of them shame you, call you out on your behavior of the last year. Even Zayne simply suggests that you try a new bakery, that you’ve been in his thoughts, that he’s relieved you felt comfortable enough to reach out. Rafayel sends a bunch of firework emojis, suggests blowing shit up on the beach for New Year’s.
You turn to Sylus.
He looks steadily back at you, silver hair sleep-tousled, wine-bright eyes glowing.
Your eyes feel hot, and you realize you’re crying, the tears fat on your cheeks, dripping down your neck.
This is the first time you’ve cried since you woke up, your ears deafening, Caleb’s necklace bright in the reflected fire.
Sylus walks over to you. Leans down, licks the tears from your cheeks with his warm tongue, one after the other. He kisses you, ignoring your suddenly snotty nose, your morning breath.
“If it’s too much, we can take it slow. We can throw more stones in the river. But please answer your friends. You need them. And you’re a fool, if you can’t see that they need you too, if that makes you feel better about your own need.”
You continue to cry as you wrap your arms around Sylus’s neck. As he gently sways with you, to music that isn’t playing. He hums, and you think it’s Joni Mitchell’s The River, but you can’t be sure. You smile against his chest.
A thought occurs to you.
“Last night, you said there was still time. That you had plans for us, a pretty dress for me. What did we miss?”
Sylus sighs, holds you closer against himself. “Don’t worry about it.”
You stop, look up into his face. “What did you have planned, Sylus? Are you sorry we missed it?”
He smiles at you. “Oh yes, so sorry I got to spend all night fucking you instead of going to a holiday concert featuring the organ.” His voice drips sarcasm. “But we can go tonight, if you’d like to make it up to me.”
You laugh, bury your face back into his chest. “And here I had planned to suck your cock while watching a black and white Christmas film marathon tonight,” you say forlornly. You smile into his chest as he chokes. “Oh well, the concert it is.”
He just laughs, rich and deep, and continues to sway you slowly in your living room.
“Merry Christmas, my heart,” Sylus says against your hair, in your pine scented apartment, as snow begins to fall outside your windows, as your phone continues to vibrate, filled with the love of your friends.
Here you are. Again.
You’re so grateful, to be here, again.
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instagram au 🪭 M.V
influencer!reader x max verstappen
in which max and y/n soft launch their relationship <3
authors note- btw reader is spanish in this :) hope your all okay sorry for posting late haha merry Christmas 💗
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maxverstappen1
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y/nusername’s story
caption: st tropez you have my ❤️
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maxverstappen1’s story
caption: 📍st tropez
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formulagossip
formulagossip: max and y/n are both in st tropez…after a tweet went viral of max kissing a girl in a club…fans have speculated its influencer y/n y/l/n as they posted these stories at the same time in what appears to be the same place…
Liked by f1girlzz, mv1fann,rbrfannn_ and 239,083 others
view all 492 comments
f1girlzz: YESSSS I KNEW IT !!!! who knew max had rizz tho ??
hammertimee: fr tho💀💀
gridgirl101: WHAT!!!!!!!!??????
user28: rue….when was this???
y/nstann: our 👸🏻 y/n finally getting a guy who will treat her right 😌
-
y/nusername
y/nusername: little getaway before Christmas 🫶🏼
Liked by sophiekumpen, user29 ,formulagossip and 185,203 others
view all 263 comments
user29: max’s mum liking😏😏
yourbff: pretty pretty pretty girl😍😍
y/nusername: all you beautiful💗💗
fan1: damnnn max is punching 😻
user1: Stargirl fr😍😍
-
maxverstappen1
maxverstappen1: family❤️
Liked by y/nusername ,redbullracing, formulabizz, and 458,122 others
view all 362 comments
redbullracing: 💙💙💙
fan28: THEY ARE SOFT LAUNCHING I REPEAT THEY ARE SOFT LAUNCHING
user3: the girl in the last slide….🫣
y/ngirl_: our 👸🏻 in the last slide 🤭🤭
lestappengirl: Charles is crying rn
f_oneboyz: HAHAHA HE DEFFO IS
-
y/nusername and maxverstappen1
y/nusername and maxverstappen1: kind of gave up on the soft launch haha
Liked by landonorris, sophiekumpen, user7 and 678,262 others
view all 1,383 comments
sophiekumpen: my angels 💗💙
y/nusername: love you soph!💗
user102: SHUT THE FUCK UP RN NO WAY.
yourbff: hurt her and istg 🤬
y/nusername: HAHA CHILL
user10: help😭😭😭
landonorris: he has rizz 😱😱
y/nusername: surprisingly 🫣
mvsuperfann: she’s already flirting with the other drivers 🤣🤣
supermaxmax: someone’s jealous xo
fan02: she’s so pretty😍🫶🏼
y/nusername: thankyou sm lovely ❤️
-
a/n: hope you liked it I honestly didn’t know what to do I didn’t have much motivation so it’s kinda random and sloppy also the dates not the tweets don’t match up haha but ignore that🫣 happy Christmas everyone I hope you all have the best time ever ,as always stay healthy <3 I’m only a dm away if your ever struggling and need someone to talk to ❤️❤️
#f1 instagram au#formula 1#instagram au#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#fiction#formula 1 imagine#insta au#max verstappen x y/n#max verstappen x you#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen imagine#max vertsappen#max verstappen#mv1#charles leclerc x reader#red bull f1
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✦ LIKE AN UNKNOWN SIGN, C. LECLERC
sometimes, hidden love without sign is just unknown
req: Maybe a smau for Charles Leclerc x Reader but he’s with Alexandra and everyone wants them to like get tgt and she like posts stuff that’s like telling him to break up with her and at the end he breaks up with Alex and they end up tgt
fc: olivia rodrigo
₊˚⊹౨ৎ ⋆｡✦˚
yourusername
liked by charles_leclerc, lailahasanovic, and 520,143 others
yourusername 🥦🌱⛳🍵☘️
👤: nbcsnl
view comments...
username damn green looks good on you
astonmartinf1 😌☘️
username oh no aston martin commented, does this mean...
⤷ username nah don't
username your performance was good omg wish i was there😭😭
tatemcrae wish you were here
tatemcrae miss you real bad
⤷ yourusername miss you too baby<3☹️☹️
username okay laila i can tell, but charles i don't know
⤷ username laila and mick are her friends, she definitely know charles and vice versa 🤷🏼♀️
⤷ username but still bcs it's quite sus
lailahasanovic that fur coat is top tier i want it
⤷ yourusername same honestly😭
username poor alex she deserves better☹️
username he should've be with her fr i mean HIS INTERVIEW???
⤷ username he's a fan alright, and so do we
⤷ username DON'T U UNDERSTAND HIS FEELINGS FOR HER IS NOT JUST A FAN THEIR WITH IDOL SORT OF RELATIONSHIP
⤷ username y/n belong to charles. period
username i'm hoping that she's aware with these comments and ended up making a crazy songs about alex and building a tons of gossips around the paddock. it's gonna be so much fun oml
louispartridge grinch
⤷ yourusername elf
scuderiaferrari 🥴❤️
⤷ username ok fuck now ferrari commented i know it's complicated
yourusername added to their story!
caption: he ain't wrong, this kinda looks like a grinch. thanks louispartridge for the reminder.
replying to: yourusername 's story
still with louis?
replying to: charles_leclerc
you know there's nothing between us
and how about you and alex? are you still with her or something?
seen
₊˚⊹౨ৎ ⋆｡✦˚
yourusername
liked by charles_leclerc and 781,290 others
yourusername i only speak truth 🗣️
view comments...
bradmondo slaying natural look as usual
⤷ username i thought it was brad pitt for a sec💀💀
username new album when?
username new song when
username she's so stunning
username mother slayed as always
florencepugh i miss our kitchen fight😔
⤷ yourusername sameeee😭😭
louispartridge you forgot your sunny
⤷ yourusername i already edit it on photoshop
⤷ username omg louisy/n interaction is real😍
⤷ username IT'S JUST A SINGLE (1) INTERACTION AND YOU SAID THEY'RE TOGETHER????
⤷ username say that to yourself shipping y/n and charles
⤷ username you see how charles is here now huh
⤷ username what she just a random selebgram
⤷ username WDYM RANDOM SELEBGRAM??????????
lancestroll hey come get your man he won't answer my call after last night
⤷ username what last night
⤷ carlossainz55 lancestroll you know she has a private account right?
⤷ landonorris nothing happened last night, everyone goodbye
⤷ username that's not a proper goodbye and you know it lando
⤷ username something happened and twitter are still cold...
⤷ yourusername 😐
⤷ landonorris how about we set up a barbeque party?
₊˚⊹౨ৎ ⋆｡✦˚
₊˚⊹౨ৎ ⋆｡✦˚
yourusername
liked by charles_leclerc, carmenmmundt and 470,511 others
yourusername babysitter for hire
view comments...
username i know but we need a break up song rn
username tell me she's in love and hiding it (she's bad at hiding her feelings)
liked by charles_leclerc
username but tbh i don't believe if her album is about love. and if it is, some songs are definitely about her prev break up
username can y'all just enjoy her content?
username petition for taylorswift to invite her to be in eras tour
isahernaez mi linda hermanita😍🥰
sabrinacarpenter can't believe you bought the american girl
⤷ yourusername should've bought the british girl then
⤷ sabrinacarpenter monaco girl
comment has been deleted
⤷ username what the fuck i'm heading to twitter rn
username what is this sabrina and y/n???????? having a conv without starting a war??
username SABRINA AND Y/N NATION WHAT ARE WE FEELING NOW?
irisapatow the bff cupcake is true but there's no me, so i claim it as a false
⤷ yourusername no u no probs 😎
⤷ irisapatow 🖕🏻
username after she release sour, i think it's time to do sweet yourusername?
⤷ yourusername i'll do bitter instead.
username charles with alex, there ain't no way
⤷ rachelzegler please take the truth
₊˚⊹౨ৎ ⋆｡✦˚
₊˚⊹౨ৎ ⋆｡✦˚
yourusername and vogue
vogue aspiring singer y/n l/n is sharing her thoughts about her newest single, ‘all-american bitch’ and about her rumoured love triangle between the formula one driver, charles leclerc, and enola holmes actor, louis partridge.
view comments...
iamrebeccad pretty baby 🤩
⤷ username now rebecca's here, is this not enough for yall to think that charles is with her rn
⤷ username c'mon that is innocent, she just supporting her💀
username YESSSSS VOGUE NOTICED‼️‼️🗣️🔥
username mother is back photoshooting y'all
username charles break up with alex challenge
username pls just be with charles
username wdym she's great with louis
username MY LIFE HAS BEEN RESTORED
username Y/N AND CHARLES Y/N AND CHARLES Y/N AND CHARLES Y/N AND CHARLES Y/N AND CHARLES
username she's literally so stunning omg
charlottesiine 👑
⤷ yourusername no u 👸🏻
⤷ username mothers interacting
⤷ username green light from cha everybody
⤷ username she literally said like, "just get him girl"
sabrinacarpenter added to their story!
caption: what a (real) american bitch should look like:
₊˚⊹౨ৎ ⋆｡✦˚
₊˚⊹౨ৎ ⋆｡✦˚
charles_leclerc and meta
liked by charles_leclerc, zuck, and 148,790 others
meta charles_leclerc and our camera glasses is going out karting in los angeles🥳🏁
view comments...
username literally 🤓
username akshually ☝️🤓
username he is not maxplaining so relax
carlossainz55 you see the early comments? AJAJAJAJAJAJA
⤷ charles_leclerc i tried my best and you just be like this? what is this kind of teammate
yourusername hello you standard office worker
meta pretty nerdy✨
username NOT YN SAYING HE LOOK NERDY TOO😭😭
username but he looks so good in it tho
username y/n 🤝 carlos = saying he looks nerdy without saying he looks like it
username girl wym is that🫵🏻😭
username who's p1?
⤷ landonorris a W meta worker
⤷ charles_leclerc lie
⤷ landonorris no no don't try, because i'm there too
⤷ yourusername beaten by a morker
⤷ charles_leclerc it's not him, and what is a morker
⤷ yourusername meta worker🤓
f1wagsupdate
f1wagsupdate charles rumoured (second) girlfriend, y/n, is seen leaving a local cafe in los angeles yesterday with a mysterious man with a tan hoodie and a sunglasses. sources said that she is keeping her relationship strict with privacy.
view comments...
username she's off with louis and now she's with another man?? why is she so childish?
username how old is she why is she looks so damn short?
username bet it's louis they're reconciling
⤷ username keep dreaming girly i'll wake u up
username nonono it's charles i know
username GOD WHY IS IT ALWAYS THEM BOTH PLS GUESS FOR ANOTHER
username for the love of god she hasn't breaking up with louis yet pls stop
username god forbid her to have a male friend
username they WERE friend PLEASEEEE😭😭
username literally manifesting that it'll be charles
username but if it's charles, what abt louis? will he get his own sad album?
⤷ username i think it's charles who will get the song/album
username get over it guys she's literally a child
username she's mature enough to stay with one especially when it's THE louis partridge
username idc with the rumours but she looks good with her fits
⤷ yncloset slayed as always
username no but shush do you realize charles' partnership with meta is also in la
⤷ username SHUT UP DON'T MAKE ME THINK ABT IT🫵🏼😭😭😭
⤷ username wait yeah but idc i don't want to trace the line
joris__trouche added to their story!
₊˚⊹౨ৎ ⋆｡✦˚
yourusername is added to their story!
caption: what the fucks happening
#✶!#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc fluff#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc fic#charles leclerc#f1 x you#f1 imagines#f1 x reader#f1 imagine
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Random but when you post something I always get excited thinking it's a new chapter 😭 I'm literally waiting by my phone for it
BAHAH IM SORRY ANONS ITS COMING SOON I SWEAR!! but im glad ur looking forward to it!! my damn outline ALONE is 21k words (tho im really happy with it and im excited for yall to read it) and although i still have to finish it + the drawing, HERES PART OF THE WIP IN THE MEANTIME🥹💖(also anon, who cares if u think youre terrible at art... DRAW ANYWAY!!!😤& ILY TOO💖 )
im definitely gonna write them as adults, and have ideas for some side stories i wanna do!!! the one i mentioned in the wattpad comment would be in writing, because i wanna write about seb and clora finally deciding to have their first kid (along with the process😏😏😏😏) and how sebs breeding kink ass will react to doing the devils tango with clora when its ACTUALLY gonna make a baby LMAO. plus how his overprotective ass will act when he finds out clora is LEGIT pregnant while theyre travelling/on the JOB, rather than just a pregnancy scare like last time BAHA. so yes, overly excited seb will defs be a thing in the future LOL. (though there are things i am just gonna keep in comic form, like their kids and stuff, bc i dont rly have ideas for any sort of epilogue with that. so if ppl wanna know about seb and cloras kids, they can just look at my art once i finally draw and post them ^^)
IVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS TOO and the hairclip would defs be different!! i just havent decided what it would be.... (bro's about go buy her something bedazzled from ardene or claire's or some shit 💀💀LMAO) as for the mascots, the snake for seb would defs still apply bc ive decided its their mascot for the school football team. but for clora no, i dont think bird/raven imagery would be a thing......tho maybe the school mascots can be the snakes AND ravens LMFAO. and then i can have seb look directly into the camera and say "well, clora, looks like we really are The Raven and the Snake."
@4ever2000lover BAHAHA YOULL SEE YOUR NIECE AND NEPHEW SOON I SWEAR!!! i have the sketches but i plan to finish them + post them once im done the last chap of my fic. but they ARE coming, i promise👀👀(and im rly excited for everyone to see their daughter and her name, bc im so proud of it LMAO. i used up my entire big brain quota for the year on it +the reasoning behind it🧠)
also @blue-space-dragon TYSM IM GLAD U LIKE MY ART AND HOW I DRAW MY BLORBOS🥹💖AND ALSO THAT U FIND IT APPETIZING LMAO😋💖
#ask#hoping to have the new chap out by like the 15th!! but we'll see#also that second anon cracks me up bc its like they were waiting for it to be an exact month before they sent that anon#im pretty sure it was the exact day or the day after LMAO#i respect it
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▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄ DON’T STOP ME NOW!
┊┊┊✧ ⁺ ⁺ ° I’m a racing car,
passing by
like lady godiva ✧ ⁺ ┊
PART 1 of the Spitfire Saga
TRAILER: Spitfire makes her F1 debut and changes the world of F1 forever
(2017!grid x genz!fem!reader)(SMAU)
For more Spitfire content go to my account and it’s my pinned post since tumblr hates me and won’t let me link anything :)
WARNINGS: not a lot lol language?, suggestive stuff but in a bad way, sexism, that one picture of max 💀, for me, spitfire is american, so there will be references to american things (I’m american)
fc: random girls (mostly drivers) i found in pinterest + valtteri bottas
Aaaaannnnd ACTION!
▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄
twitter
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yourusername just shared a story!
Caption: [AP calc ❌ abu dhabi ☑️]
Replies:
charles_leclerc: Congrats, Mate! Just heard the good news! yourusername: jelly? charles_leclerc: I try to be nice and this is what I get ☹️ yourusername: liked a message
max33verstappen: Can’t wait to see you on the track yourusername: aww 😚 yourusername: only took me 3 years to catch up with you maxie 😁😁 max33verstappen: Good luck trying to catch me in the track, Schat. yourusername: 😠😠
user4: no one wants you here
user5: Give the seat to Schumacher. He deserves it 53847822 more times than you do.
yourbestfriend1: Take me with youuuuuu 😭 yourbestfriend1: I don’t want to deal with mr Henry alone 😞 yourusername: bro i would if i could but merc literally kidnapped me out of calc 😒 dw tho i still have to do henry’s work just in a plane ☹️ yourbestfriend1: liked a message
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yourusername just shared a story!
Caption: [first time in a f1 car kinda nervy]
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mercedesamgf1 ☑️
Welcome to the paddock, Y/n!
tagged: yourusername
liked by yourusername, lewishamilton, charles_leclerc and 238809 others
view 6389 comments:
yourusername: awww thanks admin ❤️
user6: Schumacher better
user7: def gonna crash out in FP1
carlossainz55: ¡bienvenida Spitfire!
⮑ user18: the fact that everyone calls her Spitfire 🥲
user9: poser
⮑ user8: how is she a poser? She earned her place just like any other alternate would
⮑user9: she obviously sleeps her way to the top
⮑ user8: SHE IS BARELY 18!
user10: All y’all honestly hating on a teenage girl right now 🤡🤡
⮑ user11: literally it’s pathetic
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twitter:
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yourusername
yourusername: POLE POSITYOSN!!!
ps sorry 4 swearing on the radio 😔
pps i didn’t just catch you max, i beat you 😇xx
tagged: mercedsamgf1, max33verstappen
liked by lewishamilton, f1 and 63729 others
view 16738 comments:
user19: icon
user20: proved them all wrong!
⮑user21: not like she won a race 🙄🙄
⮑user20: not like you could do any better 🙄🙄
user24: my homegirl really did max dirty
user25: Absolutely VIOLATED Verstappen
user54: how does she have that picture?
⮑ user55: her and max are childhood friends. they were karting rivals
⮑ user56: she, him and Charles were the big 3 of their age division
⮑ user54: isn’t she younger than them, though?
⮑user55: she raced 2 years up
lewishamilton: An honor to be on the track with you! History in the making 💪🏾
⮑ yourusername: 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 LEWIS ON MY POST LEWIS ON MY POST 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨
⮑charles_leclerc; Chèrie, you’re embarrassing me
⮑yourusername: u don’t need my help to do that 👍
user22: her and Charles HELP
max33verstappen: was that last picture necessary?
⮑ yourusername: very.
user23: her and Max HELP
pierregasly: Great to race with you again!
♡ by creator
danielricciardo: amazing driving, Spitfire! (and thank you for the blackmail 🙏🙏)
⮑yourusername: happy to help
⮑max33verstappen: 👎
landonorris: glad to see one of the ‘99s making a mark around here ❤️
⮑yourusername: awwwww lan 😗 come to f1
⮑landonorris: i lost my pass ☹️
⮑yourusername: again? ☹️
user24: Y/n and Lando 👩❤️💋👨?
⮑yourusername: OH HEYLLLLL NAWWE
⮑landonorris: EEWWWW
⮑user24: what the hell 😭
▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄
yourbestfriend1 just shared a story!
Caption: [literally sobbing @/yourusername] ▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄
f1 ☑️
f1: WINNER!
Y/n L/n becomes the first woman to win a formula one grand prix! She also becomes the youngest ever Grand Prix winner at 18 years, 37 days and the first driver to win on their debut race since 1961!
Congratulations, yourusername, in the words of @lewishamilton: “history in the making.”
tagged: yourusername, mercedesamgf1
liked by max33verstappen, taylorswift and 63738 others
Congratulations, yourusername, in the words of @lewishamilton: “history in the making.”
tagged: yourusername, Mercedesamgf1
view 8367 comments
mercedesamgf1: THAT’S OUR GIRL!!!!!!
⮑ user25: Y/n seat when??
⮑yourusername: yeah, when??? 😇😇😇 (joking pls don’t fire me xoxo)
user26: Y/n in the comments begging for a job is so relatable
user27: rigged
user28: Obviously a PR stubt
⮑user29: How? She outpaced everyone in Qualifying and held pole for the whole race
⮑user28: last race of the season, they need some new fans, so they bring in a woman and tell everyone to drive slower to get more traffic. It’s not rocket science
⮑user30: the only rocket science is how on earth you got to that conclusion
scuderiaferrari: a historic race! @/yourusername
yourusername: Thank you @/f1 and @/mercedesamgf1 for this incredible opportunity. History was made tonight ❤️❤️❤️
⮑user31: damn right it was
yourusername: ALSO DID WE SEE THAT TAYLOR SWIFT LIKED THE POST???? @taylorswift ILYSM!!! TIWWCHNT IS LITERALLY MY HYPE SONG!!!!
⮑user32: ofc she’s a swiftie
⮑yourusername: what is that supposed to mean?? being a swiftie is the only way to live ??? how can you breathe without listening to reputation on repeat????
⮑ user33: TIWWCHNT STANS UNITE
⮑ taylorswift: @/yourusername: congrats on the win! Here’s to you, an inspiration to all of us women fighting our ways into men’s worlds! 🥂🍾
⮑yourusername: OH MY GODDDDDDD
⮑user34: is she still breathing?
⮑maxverstappen33: no
⮑danielricciardo: no
⮑mercedesamgf1: no
⮑charles_leclerc: no
⮑carlossainz55: no
⮑lewishamilton: no
⮑f1: no
⮑user35: is @/user34 still breathing?
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yourusername
yourusername: WHAT A WEEKEND!!
Mercedes!! tysm for trusting me in your car and i hope that i did you proud!!! this week has been a dream 🤍
Valtteri: I know that my win tonight is due to your misfortune, and I’m sorry we will never get to race together on the track. I hope I did you proud.
Seb, to whom I’m dedicating my maiden win to. Without you, I would be no where. your never ending support and willingness to help are the reasons i’ve been able to race as long as i have. you named me spitfire all the way back in f4 and now that nickname will live in the legendd of the sport forever.
History was made tonight, and even if this is the last race i ever drive in a formula 1 car, i’ll rest easier knowing that my win in abu dhabi 2017 will inspire the next generation of female athletes in motorsport.
Thank you to everyone who came out to support Mercedes tonight!
xx Spitfire
tagged: lewishamilton, mercedesamgf1, valtteribottas and f1
liked by mercedesamgf1, lewis hamilton and 380278 others
view 279491 comments
user36: say what you want about her, what she accomplished tonight is legendary
lewishamilton: Congratulations! Looking forward to seeing you around the track next year!
⮑user37: around, not on 😔
⮑user38: Everyone join hands in prayer that Lewis doesn’t know anything about Bottas’ seat being filled and is just being nice
⮑user39: 🤝
⮑user40:🤝
⮑user41:🤝
⮑user42: 🤝
⮑yourusername: 🤝
⮑user38: GDJEIWOSK she’s so unserious 😂😂
⮑yourusername: ❤️❤️❤️
estebanocon: Amazing race, Y/n!
♡ by creator
user49: YOU DON’T BELONG HERE
charles_leclerc: great to see you finally live out your dream, mate ❤️🍾
⮑yourusername: luv ya charlie 🥂
⮑user43: CHARY/N CONFIRMED??
⮑ yourusername: 😬😑🤨
⮑ user44: Y/n really out in the trenches fighting every romance rumor
max33verstappen: I let you win…
⮑yourusername: Lying is a sin, Max Emilian Verstappen.
⮑ user45: dayumm the full government name too
⮑user46: and proper punctuation!!! max lock your doors 😰
⮑max33verstappen: Why do I feel like something bad is going to happen to me tonight?
⮑ yourusername: because something bad is going to happen to you tonight.
⮑user47: Max getting threatened on main 😂😂
danielricciardo: Great race and even better weekend! Fun getting to know you, Spitfire!
♡ by creator
user60: Anyone see the way she was crying when she got out of the car? Couldn’t even walk, so emotional. Pathetic.
⮑user61: Ome of the many reasons women aren’t supposed to race in F1
serenawilliams: love seeing a strong woman! Keep up the good work, Y/n! 🏆
⮑yourusername: i gasped
⮑yourusername: the 🐐 is here
user51: PR stunt.
user52: Ruining F1
⮑ user53: She’s turning F1 into a joke
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yourusername just shared a story!
caption: [otw home 😴😴]
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twitter
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2.5 weeks later….
mercedesamgf1
Proud to announce that we have signed a new driver to fill Valtteri Bottas’ seat! Please officially welcome Y/n L/n to the paddock!
tagged: yourusername
liked by lewishamilton, valtteribottas and 573011 others
view 8739 comments
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✧ ⁺ ⁺ don’t wanna stop
at all…┊┊┊✧ ⁺ ⁺ °
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Aaaannnnnnd scene!
DIRECTOR’S CUT: hehe part 1 done! Sorry for any innacuracies and/ or mistakes. Turns out making these SMAUs is A LOT of work. Like a boatload of work. Anyway, see u in part 2!
A little background info:
Seb is Spitfire’s mentor and funded her career since 2009
Charles Max and Spitfire terrorized their Karting generation
Seb gave her the nickname- in German F4 she was well known to be very blunt and had a very fast mouth. Seb called her it over live TV once and it stuck
Lando and Spitfire are old friends since they were always a little different from the rest of the kids - she was a girl and he looked like a toddler
Want to join the taglist? drop a comment below or message my inbox
#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#f1 fanfic#charles leclerc x reader#driver!reader#f1 grid x reader#lewis hamilton x reader#lando norris x reader#juliette….spitfire#juliette….writes#ln4 x reader#max verstappen x reader
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anniversary
a post from every year on their anniversay 🩷🩷
year one-
tchalamet just posted a story!
caption- one year 😳🩷
liked by tchalamet and 100,177 others
y/n so elated, I'm a happy girl 🩷
view all 9,176 comments
randocalrissian happy era !!!
yourfriend !!!!
tchalamet 🩷🩷
year two-
liked by y/n, sabrinacarpenter and 2,177,612 others
tchalamet two years with the love of my life. I know I'll love you forever.
view all 107,171 comments
chalshal this soft launch is killing me oh my goddd
dunesarrakis it's @y/n they like each other's posts and she's been seen out with him and even Pauline so much !!
paulstimmy I'm fine... im sooo fine and so chill about this😁😁😁....😭😭😭😭🔫🔫🔫
y/n upgraded to an insta post this year lets gooo
liked by tchalamet
tchalamet only many more to come
cinderellayn what's next year? marriage 🤔🤔🤭🤭
rachelzegler happy two years guys !!! love you both 🫶
y/n and tchalamet liked
liked by tchalamet, madisonbeer and 324,287 others
y/n two years of doing silly little things with you, my beautiful boy.
view all 97,711 comments
badideayn BEAUTIFUL BOY 😭😭😭🫶🫶
arrakischalamet OMFGGGG
kylestimmy BRO I KNEW ITTTT
tchalamet I love you
year three-
liked by y/n, taylorswift, ayoedebiri and 4,565,655 others
tchalamet loving you is the biggest fucking privilege in the world. I feel sorry for every person that doesn't get to know you and be loved by you. it's the best feeling. I love you, y/n. happy anniversary, baby.
view all 132,717 comments
chalsharry sooooo happy for you guys 😁😁 (I am going to kms over this)
timotheesknees they are too cute oh my word
y/n sobbing. thank you my love
liked by tchalamet
tchalamet no, thank YOU
kylescigarette the caption... I need a bf sooooo bad
tsgf damn she ugly
bonestimmy damn you're a weirdo
ynscurtains hottest couple ever me thinks
liked by tchalamet, rachelzegler and 432,277 others
y/n three years 😳 I love you more than words can express. thank you for loving me, walking with me in the freezing cold cause I need a snack, and for putting up with me and my random fun facts. I love you forever, timmy.
view all 98,282 comments
especiallytimothee THE WAY THE SECOND PICS IN BOTH OF THEIR POSTS MATCH OMGGG
duneschalamet THE SECOND PIC 💀💀💀💀 lucky girl fr...
timmyslay the last pic LOLL he's so cute
ynsgirlfriend oh to hear her random fun facts
timmyynstan obsessed w their posts about each other
tchalamet I could never get tired of you or your fun facts, your knowledge astounds me every time.
liked by y/n
sunshinetimmy I'm literally so lonely
year four-
liked by y/n, zendaya, dylanminnette and 4,228,277 others
tchalamet four years with my muse. I love you mon amour. i love how much you support me in everything I do, and give me guidance when I need it (your candor is much appreciated) I knew when we first met and you made me laugh harder than anyone else ever has that you were gonna change my life, and that you were the girl of my dreams. happy anniversary my lovely girl.
view all 132,287 comments
wonkatimmy WHEN WILL SOMEBODY LOVE ME🤣🤣🤣
timmysgf manifesting they break up soon 🙏🏼
arrakisyn HE AINT GONNA DATE YOU 🗣🗣
dunepaul y/n is too beautiful I swearrr
y/n 🥺🥺🥺 I love you hottie
tchalamet liked
liked by tchalamet, sabrinacarpenter and 664,616 others
y/n happy anniversary my darling boy, you make me feel like the most loved girl in the world. I am so lucky and so grateful and so incredibly elated to be with you.
view all 99,873 comments
tchalamet you ARE the most loved girl in the world
liked by y/n
wallowsyn I wonder how many pics she has of him that we'll never see...
tsgf she's definitely not the most loved... idk a single person irl that knows her or even likes her LOL
laurieslaurence yall are too cuteeee I swear
tchalamet I love you.
year five-
liked by y/n, yourfriend, florencepugh and 6,777,717 others
tchalamet happy five years, my love. i don't know how i survived before i met you. every day with you is a dream. I love that I'm still learning new things about you.
view all 321,828 comments
florencepugh you guyssss are the best couple I swear
tchalamet and y/n liked
timmysbath I look forward to their anniversay posts every year
tsgf well they're gonna break up soon according to the celeb gossip accounts so say goodbye to that
laurieslaurence girl where did you hear that LMAOO just so delusional I swear
paulstimmy "celeb gossip sites" just say its from your own head and go
y/n 🥺🥺 being with you is the best thing to ever happen to me
tchalamet liked
wonkaswhore THE LAST PICCC OMGGG 😳😳
liked by tchalamet, calahlane, rachelzegler and 998,717 others
y/n I'll forever be your own personal photographer. whether a cannibal, chocolatier, or the heir of house atreides, i'm with you for as long as you'll have me. happy anniversary my lovely, talented, beautiful, sweet boy.
view all 102,677 comments
moderntimmy a cannibal 😭😭 she's a bones and all stan fr
y/n hell yeah best movie ever!! I watch it when I miss him 💀💀
liked by tchalamet
tchalamet how does forever sound?
y/n liked
paulsdunes I LOVE YALL SO MUCHHH
floralyn HE'S SO CUTEEEE IMMA KMS
tchalamet I love you so badddd good lord
y/n liked
floralyn hes so in loveee 😭😭
year six-
liked by y/n, tomholland2013, zendaya and 10,177,717 comments
tchalamet happy six years, my fiancé.
view all 342,616 comments
ynandtimstan CRYINGGG can't believe they're engaged now I'm so happy for them
dunestimmy I ❤️ my parents
lauriexamy that one account is kicking the ground fr
y/n ummmm where's my paragraph this year? 🙄
tchalamet liked
tchalamet being written down for my vows, where's mine? 🤔
liked by tchalamet, sabrinacarpenter and 1,981,876 others
y/n this time next year we'll be husband and wife. I don't know what I did in a past life to deserve this, but I'm sooo fucking grateful. I love you my fiancé!!!!
view all 100,817 comments
yourfriend wedding of the century!!!
liked by y/n
lauriesring god I wish I was friends with them
tchalamet okay you said you wouldnt post that last one !!!
y/n I never said that! you're just so cuteeeeee, bub !!!!!
rachelzegler when are we going dress shoppinggggg
liked by y/n
tchalamet I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.
*
#timothee chalamet#timothee chalamet fanfiction#timothee chalamet imagine#timothee chalamet x reader#timothee imagine#timothee x reader#timothée chalamet#timothee chalamet au#timothee chalamet social media au#timothee chalamet x you#timmy chalamet#timothee fanfic#social media au
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Summertime fun ᯓᡣ𐭩
pairing: Harry Lewis - W2S - x f!reader
Instagram!AU
SUMMARY: The Sidemen + their gf's go to a trip to Croatia, where the reader is from
requested: nope! but requests r open <3
ˋ°•*⁀➷ 𝗠𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 🧸ྀི
ᯓᡣ𐭩ᯓᡣ𐭩ᯓᡣ𐭩ᯓᡣ𐭩ᯓᡣ𐭩ᯓᡣ𐭩ᯓᡣ𐭩ᯓᡣ𐭩ᯓᡣ𐭩ᯓᡣ𐭩ᯓᡣ𐭩
username
liked by wroetoshaw, taliamar and 101,732 others
username: Hrvatska hrana my beloved <3
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COMMENTS;
faithlouisak: were thriving
taliamar: CROATIA IS STUNNING (but not as stunning as u xxx)
bambinobecky: drink looks so good
user1: ROADTRIP VLOG MAYBE???
user2: THE DOG IS SO CUTE XJNDKCCJC
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username posted to their story!
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taliamar
liked by miniminter, username and 72,632 others
taliamar: Croatia has been treating us good @username is my fav tour guide <3
tagged: @username @faithlouisak @miniminter tap to see more...
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COMMENTS;
username: mother is mothering lord have mercy
simonminter: @wroetoshaw come get ur gf
taliamar: @username ILY!!!!!
wroetoshaw: @miniminter the fuck you mean 'come get ur gf' bro go get ur wife
faithlouisak: BABE 😍
freyanightingale: stunning view xx (and im not talking about the sunsets)
soph: 🤩🤩🤩
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username
liked by arthurtv, wroetoshaw and 268,554 others
username: fun times xxx
tagged: @wroetoshaw
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COMMENTS;
wroetoshaw: this is slander
username: womp to the motherfucking womp
user8: WHAT BAHAHAHHAHAGAGGA 💀
cptpuffy: icon
bambinobecky: step on me spit on me choke me
username: gladly
wroetoshaw: this is outrages
faithlouisak: we oughta drown them xxx
username: oh we most certantly should (and will)! xxx
behzingagram: @wroetoshaw mate help
tobjizzle: oh god 😭
arthurtv: @username pls come back im hungry
username: coming child x
arthurtv: thank u
user32: THE FIFTH PICTURE????
user6: @username i love you
username: love yt pookie!
user6: HSBDJCJFJDJ BEST DAY EVER
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username
stephen_tries liked username's story
stephen_tries replied to username's story: hes my boyfriend now 😈
.
wroetoshaw
liked by calfreezy, chrismd10 and 372,652 others
wroetoshaw: @username was wasted yesterday
tagged: @username @chrismd10 @calfreezy @callux @arthurtv @behzingagram
.
COMMENTS;
username: harold I hate you
wroetoshaw: love you too darling
calfreezy: last night was wild lad
callux: harold I love you
username: oi thats my boyfriend you cunt (affectionate♡)
arthurtv: @username im hungry pls make me food??
username: of course child, coming
wroetoshaw: are we parents now???
username: yea arthur is our child now
arthurtv: yay :)
user6: LMAOOOOOO THIS IS SO RANDOM???
behzingagram: what a night
Tap to load more...
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.
#harry lewis#wroetoshaw#w2s#w2s x reader#harry lewis x reader#wroetoshaw x reader#wroetoshaw imagine#harry lewis imagine#w2s imagine#sidemen#sidemen x reader#sidemen imagine#instagram au#social media au#x reader#f!reader#x f!reader#reader imagine#Karin writes 🎀
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Hello, hope you’re doing well!!
I actually sent this in the last time you opened your inbox but I’m guessing it got drowned out by the other requests lol(it’s okay tho dw about it) so hopefully this stray request can make it even tho it’s a little late😓
I have a request with a cybertronian reader (Gender neutral) + swerve
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Little info about reader, they were a performer but more specifically a singer who performed in bars.
Reader and swerve met at a bar when they were performing and he immediately was smitten, so after they were done swerve approached reader to tell them how amazing they were but he was a nervous WRECK. Not only did they have an amazing voice but they were drop dead gorgeous(Basically whatever the cybertronian equivalent for a model is).
Both joined the lost light and when swerve opened his bar, the reader would help him run it, sometimes even perform on the occasion.
Eventually some bots become curious about readers and swerves relationship since they looked very close, the reader always listening to swerves rambles, never shutting him up and sometimes seeing them crack a smile or even laugh at his jokes. Only ever really showing him any type of affection/emotion since they come of aloof and stoic when talking to others. So they ask the question to him (or reader)and he breaks the bombshell that they are conjuxes and the bots go crazy💀💀
No one would’ve expect swerve to be able to bag a baddie like reader but it happened
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The whole dynamic is basically just Jessica rabbit and Roger rabbit, the bots in question can be of any of your choosing!
Remember to take breaks when needed and take care of yourself!!
Hi! Sorry to here about the request. Some request do get lost (thanks for understanding!)
Now I can finally get this written!
Hope you enjoy!
Bot Buddy the singer and being Swerve's Conjunx
SFW, Platonic, Romance, Cybertronain reader
MTMTE
The Lost Light had many duos and partners on board.
Some that made sense like Rewind and Chromedome.
Another duo’s that came as a pleasant surprise like Tailgate and Cyclonus.
But one of the more unlikely duos on the ship was Buddy and Swerve.
Swerve had told the patrons many times about the story of how they met.
Many are still trying to figure out how truthful the story really is.
They would ask Buddy… but they kind of intimidate many of the patrons at the bar.
According to the bartender, Swerve had been looking around the local bars for ideas on how to design his own bar.
It was one night he decided to stick around one of the bars for the entertainment section.
That’s when he saw them.
Swerve nursing a cube of engex.
“Hey, what’s for the entertainment tonight? Trivia? Drunk lobbing?”--Swerve
“Nah, Buddy’s singing tonight.”—Random Mech
“Buddy?”--Swerve
The bot sighs.
“Trust me, you don’t wanna miss this. Their performance… well you’ll see.”—Random Mech
Swerve shrugs it off but starts to notice the bar quiet down significantly and many bots looking at the stage with a look he could only describe as lovestruck.
“Please welcome once again to the stage, our wonderful singer, Buddy.”—Random Mech
Buddy’s tall frame walks slowly out of the curtains.
Their frame lighting up with the spotlight as the other lights had dimmed.
Swerve could defiantly see why everyone was excited.
They had a frame of a super model!
And that voice!
Swerve was certain that he too had a lovestruck look on his faceplate when the first verse spilled from their lips.
Swerve tells the patrons that he had admired Buddy’s talent and ended up asking them their com line, so when he did have his own bar, he would contact them.
Not many are convinced that this is true, or at least the whole truth.
Thanks to a certain minibot with a camera bolted to his helm, he had the story on what happened after the show.
Swerve had been a nervous wreck the entire performance.
Buddy had noticed him in the crowd looking like he was going to short circuit at any moment.
Honestly, if they could, they would have stopped singing to go check up on the minibot.
After their performance they personally went to the minibot to see if he was okay.
Swerve stumbling out of the bar only to bump into someone’s leg.
“Oh! Sorry about that! Didn’t watch where I was going and—”--Swerve
His voice stops as he looks up at the beauty that was on stage a mere second ago.
“Are you okay? You looked like you needed help back there.”--Buddy
“N-nope! I mean Nah, I’m good. I’m fine! Everything’s fine!”--Swerve
Buddy smiles at him.
“I’m Buddy. What’s your name?”--Buddy
“Swerve…”--Swerve
“Well Swerve, I’ve been singing at this bar for a while now to know most of the regulars, yet, I’ve never seen you around.”--Buddy
“Yeah, Kind of looking around seeing how bars go and all. I wanna make a place of my own one day with a friend of mine and, well, I wanted to see what gets the bots coming back, besides the engex of course.”--Swerve
Buddy chuckles a bit looking at the flustered minibot.
They look over at the slightly less crowded booth at one corner of the bar.
“There’s an empty booth over there and I sure could go for a drink… do you mind accompanying me? Maybe talk a bit more about that bar of yours.”--Buddy
Swerve thinks for a second before agreeing to the drink.
He did end up giving them his private comline that night and Buddy ended up having a nice night with a cute minibot.
The rest was history.
No one had yet figured out how Buddy could stand to be with Swerve and his rambling.
They were quiet and had a neutral look on their faceplate when they weren’t performing. Yet here they were listening to Swerve’s chatter before and after their performances without any complaint.
If anything, few bots have seen smiles, chuckles and bits of laughter from the taller bot.
“What’s between you and Buddy anyways?”--Brainstorm
“Well it all started—”--Swerve
“Yes, I get that part, but what are you two exactly? Surely, Amica Endura or maybe you haven’t worked up to that point yet.”
Swerve gives the bot a confused look.
“They’re my Conjunx?”—Swerve
Brainstorm feels his optic twitch.
“What?”--Brainstorm
“They’re my—”--Swerve
“I heard that! But how?! Your you and Buddy is… Just how?!”--Brainstorm
Swerve shrugs as Buddy takes the stage.
Brainstorm walks back to his table with Chromedome and Rewind pouting.
“I still don’t believe what he said.”—Brainstorm
Chromedome looks up from his engex.
“What did Swerve say?”--Chromedome
“He said he and Buddy are Conjunx Endura.”—Brainstorm
Chromedome nearly spits out his drink.
Rewind seems unfazed by this news.
“Really?!”--Chromedome
“Knew it.”—Rewind
Both bots look at the minibot curiously.
“And how did you know?”--Chromedome
Rewind points to the stage.
“Watch the optics.”--Rewind
The group looks at Buddy’s optics.
They are firmly planted at the bartender pouring their voice into the love song in the mic.
“… Maybe he’s right…”--Brainstorm
That's them!
#transformers x reader#maccadam#bot buddy#mtmte x platonic reader#mtmte x reader#mtmte swerve#mtmte swerve x reader
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