#that just means so fucking much to me
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so my boss nominated me for this campus-wide award and gave me their nomination letter today and i cant stop crying. ive been working so fucking hard this past year and seeing that recognized in writing means more than i could have ever anticipated and im so fucking grateful and am feeling very proud of my work
#the awards ceremony is in a couple weeks so who knows who will win#but just the fact that i was nominated for a 'legacy award' due to my work.... god.#like wow.#'How is this for a legacy - a whole radio station? That is the legacy that [I] will leave [my school]#when [I] graduate this summer.' is literally the opener to the nomination#but the line that really got me was#'The result [of my work] has been the development and continued growth of one of the most open inclusive...#...and embracing-of-differences organization [my boss] has ever witness at [my university]'#im genuinely typing this in my office while im crying#that just means so fucking much to me#tree talks
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I WAS MADE FOR YOU // YOU WERE MADE FOR ME
#ultrakill#earthmover#1000-THR#v1#violence layer#god. they mean so much to me#what the FUCK is up with the violence layer#theres so much shit. its so good. ohhhmyyy gggggg#their dynamic is insane to me. i cant just make one piece#gen art#object loving object...#weapon4weapon.........#take this comic as you will though#it is meant to be taken both seriously and thematically while also having that. little sprinkle of oh. doomed yaoi/yuri. you get it#by 'i have never wanted anything more' it was mainly to describe v1s instict to take the earthmover down and kill it-#but it can mean whatever you want it to mean
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TUA S4 proved that Netflix cancelling their shows after the first season is actually a good thing
#what the fuck was that#tua spoilers#the umbrella academy#tua s4#the umbrella academy season 4#tua#this isn’t even about… that (you all know what i mean)#the writing was terrible and rushed so many plots were dropped and do much makes no sense#s1 and s4 are so disconnected#i was already disappointed in umbrella academy in s3 as it was getting further from the things that drew me in in s1#but i reasones that just because ir’s not telling the story i wanted to see didn’t make it automatically bad and i should try to watch it#with an open mind#but no it just got worse and i’m so fucking pissed
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Just had a friend show me a conversation in a fan discord about Suvi as a Black American woman in the context of the fallout from the election. And honestly? Yeah. The blueprint is simple: Black women are expected to put their own priorities and emotions on hold to show up for everyone else's battles and hold endless space for everyone's feelings while simultaneously weathering attacks on our character (oh she's so angry/aggressive/violent/rude) and authority (she's a woke hire/affirmative action quota/nepobaby) without complaint. We're expected to save the day under nigh-impossible circumstance, and with fewer resources and support that is AT BEST, conditional.
So yeah, relistening to Suvi's speech in The Witness hurts now. Because that's exactly the feeling I'm wrestling with, and what I see mirrored in the Black women around me. We are exhausted and angry and sad. Those voter percentages are a betrayal of "we" that was promised by other marginalized groups when speaking of the interconnectedness of our liberation. And the unexamined expectation that we immediately rise from the depths of our despair to prepare for the next fight is a cruelty. Suvi isn't real, but if this helps lend empathy toward actual Black women in the world, then I'm glad.
#worlds beyond number#the wizard the witch and the wild one#there's a reason I spent so much time scrapping with fans misremembering plot#always with the aim of painting Suvi as 'the bad/mean one' universally responsible for any party friction#i've clocked dozens upon dozens of threads maligning her and nitpicking every choice she makes#and holding her alone to a ridiculous standard of behavior#while rooting for her to experience enough pain/loss to bend her to their preferred trajectory#and dismissing her emotions as Citadel programming unworthy of consideration#it's just more fucking misogynoir at the end of the day#i saw a post calling her an abuser for not being *nice* enough to Ame when she arrived at the conclave#and all i can think is 'why do you need her to mask her VALID emotions for others' sakes?'#and then i remember she's a black woman#and i get really tired for her (and me)#don't worry#i'll return to funky lil shitposts and art reblogs soon
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dramatic eyes. dramatic lips. drama on the cheeks.
sketch
#the fuck's a look??#this show keeps making me cry happy tears#this show made me cry last season when ed and stede kissed. Now I'm crying because LOOK AT IZZY! LOOK AT WEE JOHN!!!#please for the love of god only look at this with the night light filter on. forgot my screen was tinted yellow and the colors are FUCKEDDD#ya ya It’s la vie en rose I didn’t check my references my b my b je regrette ok#our flag means death#ofmd#our flag means death spoilers#ofmd season 2#izzy hands#wee john feeney#ofmd s2e6#this show brings me so much joy especially now when everything is so hard in real life.#they just get to be queer with their pirate friends#skdfjhskhgjfnlisadfhlksjdfh;sk#art#fan art#the first time in a while I've been inspired to make art :_) I love
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wrestling to be the first to greet you (they broke into your house)
#null rot#hantengu#hantengu clones#sekido#karaku#urogi#aizetsu#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#kny#they say it doesnt matter who gets greeted first but then go into a full out brawl to be the first.... they probably break things and then#fight again to be the second who gets greeted and then again for third.. an.d. again for fourth... then one more time for-#GYAHHHHHHHH#LIKE BRO THEY JUST LOOK LIKE THE TYPE TO FIGHT OVER YOU#THEY FIGHT NORMALLY LIKE SIBLINGS BUT THEY RAKE IT A STEP FURTHER CAUSE THEY'RE DEMONS BUT IT'S NORMAL TO THEM#AND WHY IS ZOHA THE STRONGEST???? YOUNGER = STRONGER????? PHYSICALLY?????? IM SEEING IT THAT WAY#IN THAT CASE ITD MAKE SENSE SINCE THE OLDEST IS HANTENGU HIMSELF..... AND HES...... HIM#i always see sekido losing wrestling battles and Aizetsu being the one to win if its pure strength alone#bUT if theyre playing dirty i can see the turning tables...... but maybe thats for another day....#GYAH FUCK THE POWER SCALING BETWEEN THE FOUR BRO I NEED TO KEEP GOING#THESE MFS ARE TESTING MY ABILITIES WITH HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE TO KEEP DRAWING THEM...#FOR NOW LOOK HOW MUCH THEYRE DUMBASSES#and yes. the crotch shot to urogi was intentional on aizetsu's part. hes so subtle mean girl coded to me
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pick your battles
#my art#my stuff#art#comic#original art#pride 2024#pride month#trans allegory..... or not even allegory. just trans .... ^_^#i technically cannot come out yet but i don't think the people who i need to not see this stalk my tumblr#i know they stalk everything else like my twitter and my instagram but this might be safe#so fuck it we yap. this is a comic about picking your battles#this is a comic about how for almost a year now everyone at home in singapore has been crying about my sore throat#my terrible fucked up voice. my you know. etc#i came out as not cis and using they/them pronouns in 2015 when i was 14#but no one ever used my pronouns. none of my classmates or friends even up until i left for college in 2020#from 2020 onwards every year i wrote an angry vulnreable essay about how much it hurts that they dont remember#and people would dm me apologizing on their hands and knees and commending my bravery#and then forget about it all over again. id ont mean 'they misgender me and then catch it and apologize and correct themselves'#i mean they dont even get that far#and so you might ask yourself: why have you kept them around all this time?#and i would have to explain that by pure bad luck i grew up in the most conservative close minded community#that all of my ex classmates that stayed in singapore are cishet and upper middle class and chinese singaporean#that i Am the trans person. that they were able to ignore me for a decade partially because there was no one else#so this is a comic about how there is dignity and grace in staying in the closet sometimes#about how not everyone deserves to see you at your happiest. about how some people can go fuck themselves#you know your truth and THATS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!!! YEAH!!! i love you
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The butterflies in my stomach going CRRRAZZY over him…
#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#bnha#mha#dabi#touya todoroki#bnha dabi#mha dabi#bnha season 7#mha season 7#THE FUCKING SOB I JUST LET OUT BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH I LOVE FREAKY ASS FERAL SMIRK OF HIS#HIS EYES. OH. MY. GOD. I AM SO IN LOVE??????#need this man to stop playing with my heart this way because what do you mean that every time i see him i cry????#also… HANDS 👹👹👹👹 HIS HANDS 👹👹👹👹#don’t make me talk… it’s better if i stay silent… because my thoughts every time i see his hands are so impure…
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btw anyone whos following the drake/kendrick thing but doesnt listen to rap music. this is a sign you should start listening to rap music. listen to some kendrick. you wont regret it i promise. listen to to pimp a butterfly. listen to good kid, m.A.A.d. city. listen to other rappers to, not just kendrick. if anyone wants recommendations feel free to message me/send an ask. rap music is awesome. this is your sign to get into it. rap is such a broad genre with so many incredible artists, there is something for you i promise.
#tumblr girlies please start enjoying rap music. please. please.#rattling bones#kendrick lamar#drake#i mean it about giving recs btw. PLEASE hit me up i love hip hop so much#tell me what you like and ill find a rapper for you. i prommy. pleeease please talk to me about rap/hip-hop#OR GIVE ME RECS!! if you have some good shit you want me to hear hit me with it. i just fucking love rap/hip-hop. please talk to me about i#music
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i forgot to post this during june but i think one of the reasons qsmp was so important was how unapologetically Gay it was
for starters, the number of creators and admins involved who are irl queer of some variation, just chilling in a place where any kind of phobia would get Philza's legendary ban hammer faster than you could say "rainbow jelly"
and then the characters.
i remember showing up that first day and being shocked that somehow foolish had an ex-boyfriend already (I had missed the squidcraft lore apparently)
that server. gay. all the gay. all kinds of gay.
govermentally assigned platonic husbands that stayed together the whole time (despite one of them being gone for months at a time), not a chance in hell of infidelity. Proud fathers of two wonderful children.
governmentally assigned partners who yelled full volume at each other about cheating any time they were in the room together and between the two of them killed two children.
a grieving father and ex-convict becoming one of the most solid couples in the server, with a beautiful wedding and consistent public displays of affection via the in-game chat.
a demon ashamed of who she was and a lonely detective struggling with family trauma, now with a lil girl of their own, to love together and take care of, with more moms than could ever allow the little girl to ever be lonely herself.
a 2b2t warrior coming to terms with his sexuality with the support of his beautiful baby boy at his side, slowly but surely opening up to his eventual Brazilian Boyfriend. Where they went from the most cautious couple (baby steps) to the most sickeningly sweet couple on the server.
- and this list doesn't even scratch the surface.
gay characters, trans characters, ace characters, aroace characters, gender fluid characters, all kinds of relationships and families.
all presented without negativity or shame.
the point of the server was to exchange languages and cultures, without the biases and barriers seen so much in both the content creator scene and the wider world.
it also had a beautiful little side effect, practically by accident.
our lgbtqsmp.
#meant so fucking much to me#qsmp#qsmp pride#death duo#misclick duo#guapoduo#teaduo#hideduo#as a core memory i just remember how seriously cellbit took his characters relationship with roiers#it wasnt just a joke. it wasnt just a bit. he was writing a love story for his character that was meant to mean something.#maybe im too used to mainstream media treating queer relationships as less important. or never developing them as much as straight ones.#so this server full of the gayest lil cubitos around did a lil healing on my gay lil heart :)#qsmp lore#life's just a lil more bright with a lil bit of rainbow ya know?#lgbtqsmp#and then also tubbo having a lil vomit anytime hideduo looked at each other while fogetting how humans speak whenever fred looked at him#frubbo
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love how the botw fandom went fucking wild when age of calamity came out in 2020. and no one talks about it anymore. don’t you remember HIM?????
and THEM??.
and all of THIS????
#it actually makes me a little sad. this game built the characters so much better than totk did. it’s what totk needed really#JUST BECAUSE THE GAME ISNT CANON TO THE TIMELINE DOESNT FUCKING MEAN THAT THE CHARACTER INTERACTIONS ARE ANY LESS VALUABLE!!!#WAKE UP GUYS#bluebelledmoon babbles#hw aoc#hwaoc#hw aoc spoilers#this game has SO MANY CUTSCENES that i didn’t even know about myself ??????#baby tulin is in there???#botw#totk#age of calamity#zelda#botw zelda#botw link#aoc link#aoc zelda#mipha#terrako#zelink#aoc zelink#purah#revali#impa#aoc impa#prince sidon#sidon#baby sidon#loz
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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.
Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?
Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.
The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.
Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.
It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.
I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.
He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.
#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#STANLEYYYYYY#STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants#Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with#the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten#The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you#that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help#If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once#Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON#I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin“; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming#But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything#Like he really mattered so little to the people around him#and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too#I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him#The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things#And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year#Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people#the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better#its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand
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I think Deku has a bit of a mean streak, actually. he’s no Bakugou—that’s for sure—but he’s not this innocent, sweet angel baby that the media has painted him out to be. but you only catch it when you least expect it, when you’re pushing his nerves, when the stakes to everything around him are high, when he’s tired of endless sleepless nights and just—snaps.
“Oh?” you go, grin unfurling like some grinch, chin resting on your hands as you leer at him from across his expansive desk. “You’re mean.” your words are teasing, a snarl that curls your mouth up. Deku stutters, eyes going wide, jaw snapping shut in surprise as he tries to think back on how rude he just sounded.
“No, I’m not—I mean, you wouldn’t stop and I just—there’s a lot on my plate right now—and you just—you keep on—I’m not—I’m not mean.” He’s sputtering, hands all over the place, the glasses perched on the bridge of his nose falling even lower with how he jabbers on and on. it’s endearing really, to see how he tries to upkeep his image of being so kind and understanding, even though his nostrils just flared at you. and his eyebrows turned down and he gritted at you, his hands were balled into fists, his words were so nasty, so ugly, so unbecoming for Deku.
you liked it. loved it even—vowed to get him like this every single fucking second that you could.
you pick and poke at him whenever you see him, teasing him and pulling at him. pushing him around even though the hero is so much stronger than you, so much bigger. and he lets you, tries to defend himself but—that’s not what you want. you want the ugliness, the snark, the mean.
he snaps, eventually, when you least expect it. grabs you up in black whip when you go to push him against the wall for the third time in only a minute, his eyes suddenly dark, the aura of the room suddenly charged.
“That’s what I was looking for.” you whisper to him, the grin spreading your face quickly dissipating in only seconds when you become the prey. when you become the one pushed up against the wall with teeth at your neck, a hand in your underwear, bullying your hole with too thick fingers.
“Why do you want me to act like this? Be so mean to you, huh?” he sounds so frustrated with himself, with you, growling and nipping and licking when you don’t answer quick enough. but your breath is caught in your lungs because finally—finally, did you get what you wanted. it just took a little bit of pushing, you suppose.
#omg I wrote this idea down last night and couldn’t even type it up#bc I took some sleep meds and it put me out SO FUCKING QUICK????#usually I don’t lay down until like an hour and a half or two#but it was literally like 40 mins and I was DONE!!!!#but I finally wrote it :D#there’s also been so much talk of him on the dash and i am. very much so liking this#I miss him bc I don’t think about him enough#but I also think he can be. so mean. like NASTY mean when his limits are pushed enough#ohhhh my god I wont him so bad#okay gn I took more meds bc my pelvis has been in so much pain????#just the right side too??? omg AM I DYING GELP#—new treat in the streets! 🍫#deku treats! 🍬
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Sleeping positions…
Official Art by Satoru Nii
#Sugishita I beg you please you will suffocate#Kiryu hugging his body pillow though is so cute#wtf#why is it that Sakura sleeping in a fetal position kind of make me want to cry#suo is not fucking human#what do you mean he sleeps like Snow White#like a dead person even#help him#Kaji also cracks me up for some reason#Hiragi just looks grumpy as hell#but I love his hair down so much#wind breaker#windbre#windbreaker#wind breaker (satoru nii)#wind breaker art#sakura hakura#hayato suo#nirei akihiko#kyotaro sugishita#taiga tsugeura#kiryu mitsuki#hajime umemiya#ren kaji#hiragi toma
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sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go
#the locked tomb#harrowhark nonagesimus#john gaius#harrow the ninth#this is why I don't buy john as misunderstood and initially well-meaning AT ALL#this is a pattern you see with him again and again and again -- right down to his interpersonal relationships#(and indeed it's in the more grounded interpersonal relationships you can most clearly see him as he is I think#the fantasy death empire of a thousand years doesn't register quite as viscerally because it's like. heightened; not quite real#but the emotional violence and manipulation that surrounds him? oh boy that is EXTREMELY real and scarily well-observed)#there's a premeditation to so much of what he does (contracts with planets that only end 'in the event of the emperor's death' anyone?#yeah john we get it you're hilarious and I wish you weren't)#the greatest trick john ever pulled was making anyone think he's just a lil guy. what does he know he's only god#when you first read the book the complete callousness of the other adults is so horrible that john seems like an oasis of care#(though you start to get this uneasy feeling when that care never seems to translate to like... relief or soothing or resolution)#and it makes it feel almost obscene when you find out what's actually going on#it's the mercy & augustine enabler hour but at least they're completely honest in their cruelty there#while john is -- well he sure is being john huh#this is just me being angry with him btw philosophically I don't think this is how the story will or should end#(with john slam dunked right into hell that is)#it's just... harrow is so vulnerable. and what he does to her is so insidious and fucked up#john is very deeply human. unfortunately the capacity to quite simply suck so much is deeply human too
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More Jordan and Hennessy, Jordan Hennessy fanart I made. Feeling v artblocky lately but we persist
#this book made me cry#the dreamer trilogy#greywaren#jordan hennessy#jordan hennessy fanart#maggie stiefvater#bro i struggle with my art lately so much#but we must go on#this too shall pass and by this i mean my fucking burnout and artblock#ill be fine ill just scream into nothingness for a bit
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