#that just feels different this time!
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Had a revelation this week that was so healing. just. gentle and life-altering.
#it will sound too simple when I put it into words#but it was just. no one’s coming. there’s no one coming!#and that doesn’t mean that there isn’t love and friendship and joy in the present or the future#or even romance!#all possibilities and in the grand scheme of things probabilities#but still! no one is coming. and no one is coming to save me!#life is happening now and it is (not completely) but in a lot of ways just what you make of it!#of course the ultimate caveat is that Christ is coming#except it’s not the caveat but the POINT#but no one human#and it’s amazing how long you can just wait and wait and wait. and there is something not true in the Human Ideal#you think you’re waiting for!!!#and I could meet the love of my life tomorrow and they could be everything I dreamed of and more#and it still wouldn’t be the ‘Answer’ so to speak#it’s just not how it goes! It’s not how it works. it’s not what people or friendships or romance is for.#it’s both so much simpler and so much grander. and of course I knew all of this before blah blah blah#but it’s sunk in. in a gentle way lately#that just feels different this time!#So I wanted to try to put it into words#Thanks for listening
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It's in the eye of the beholder
#comic#birds#my art#I've had this idea for a while#after a lecture that talked about how traits we consider cute are traits found in babies#I feel like birds would have a very different definition of cute from us#anyway after making the bird tutorial I feel the pressure to draw perfect bird anatomy#but tbh I still just wing it a lot of the time!!#hehe “wing it”
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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There’s that post that’s like ‘everyone should get into a tiny niche fandom at least once’ fully agree, that was really fun -- but I would like to add that everyone should get into a fandom where their opinions run counter to major fanon because it really teaches you about sticking to your guns and trusting your interpretation of the text without having to rely on peer validation
because WHAT are people talking about sometimes
#aka: genuinely sometimes I think I live in a parallel universe and simply watched/read different things#full disclosure it does make you feel like a killjoy sometimes#because often times these fanons will be presented in a silly jokey manner#'oh so silly isn't this character so funny this is just my silly little headcanon'#and it's like yes yes lol lol but ok look me in the eyes and tell me you know that this is#at best only one interpretation of many and at worst simply not supported by the text at all#please tell me you know that#or in one specific example such a ubiquitous joke that is literally a significant theme of the work and i feel like SUCH a killjoy#being like 'ok yes very funny.....you know that was a major theme right?? tell me you know that'
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okay is she being actually immature or is it just a woman over 30 expressing a human experience you find to be immature.
like yeah. at certain ages... let shit go. im not defending the real immature shit. im not defending the karen you're picturing. i worked in retail i hate those people too. (once somebody got mad at me because she didn't like how our winter window decor was a snowman smoking a pipe. i wish i was joking).
but men at 57 will write books about how 17 year old girls are soooo sexy. they will invent worlds where women have to be naked for "armor reasons." they will write songs that treat women as objects. people rush to defend them. meanwhile a woman at 35 will be like "heartbreak is hard, actually" or "i feel betrayed by a friend" or "i am struggling with something emotionally." immediately people will say stuff like this woman is 35 by the way. by the way this woman is SO OLD to be experiencing this. BY THE WAY.
im 31, almost 32. the other day a poet was blasted online because at her "big age", she had written a poem about feeling unloved. top comment was "this woman is 29 by the way." this woman is too old to still be useful, by the way. she has to behave better . maybe if she was a good wife and mother she could stop existing loudly, and the story could continue on without her. this woman has served her purpose, by the way. she's so cringe, by the way. at 29 - so old! - she still hasn't figured out that her existence should be one of shame.
#what the fuck.#unfortunately by the time i'd switched accounts (from personal to my poetry one)#i couldn't find it :(#this is why u SEND URSELF THE POST. WHICH I KNOW TO DO BUT!!!#i was so mad i just was like “i'm about to tear this commenter in twain” and . lost da post#if u urself are the 29 and got recently flamed by instagram#i love u. come here. write with me. i was about to pick up a sword for u.#i mean a BIGASS sword.#like we all know im a wlw girlie but the way ppl will be like ''id NEVER write sad poetry about a MAN not LOVING me!!!"#..... wowwwww ur so cool. anyway. people often experience emotions regardless of what u consider cringe.#& if ur gonna shame straight/bi women for feeling a certain way. hope u never write about the#weird relationship between u and ur father. or feeling different from ur brother.#or how ur male best friend fucked u over. since it's SO CRINGE. to have ANY feelings caused by a MAN#like be so for real. beloved. nobody is fucking saying this when men do it.#''oh it's cringe to like a woman or feel heartbroken by her.''#controlling women's feelings and actions???? it's more likely than u think.#btw op is nonbinary do NOT be gender essential on this post i'll kill u with my teeth#edit: btw for the person who dm'd me ''when is it misogyny and when is it actually valid''#pretty easy. if a man had done it#would it be cringe? . like if a man sang a sad song about ''she broke my damn heart''?#if he said ''i want to have kids with her'' or something sexually explicit?? like would u even LIKE IT if a male poet had said it?#& if it's like. nah a 35 yr old man being upset about this is cringe too. yeah it's just cringe. that exists. we both know it does.#but .... often i see this ONLY about women. and i can't help but hear like. how back in middle school#we were fed the lie ''girls mature faster.'' ... why do i have to be emotionally regulated? but if a man wrote about the same things?#..... idk . im pretty anti cringe culture to begin with. but this one feels so bad to me . ur still a person past 33.
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going to chb must be crazy like imagine sharing a camp with
-one of the strongest demigods ever who's saved the world like at least 3 times, fought multiple gods & titans and WON (and is a tartarus survivor)
-the literal main architect of OLYMPUS who's also saved the world multiple times (also tartarus survivor)
-THE lord of the wild who's also close friends with the first two (and has helped save the world multiple times)
-an emo kid from the 1930s who again helped save the world and is also a tartarus survivor (TWICE)
-a son of apollo who survived tartarus with nothing but cargo shorts and sheer will (pun intended)
-the main designer and builder for the argo II, also the first hephaestus kid to have fire powers since hundreds of years ago (did i mention killed gaea? no? yeah he did that too)
-a girl who somehow charmspeak-ed gaea into falling back asleep (also side note daughter of super famous actor because why not)
-pretty much everybody is a two-time war veteran
-THE GOD APOLLO who just sometimes comes down to visit in the form of a teenage boy
-did i mention dionysus, god of wine madness and theatre
-also chiron, trainer of pretty much every greek hero ever
#shit's crazy#theyre basically living history#percy is kinda the new hercules except less macho manly man#'oh who's killed this guy before' 'percy jackson'#like can you imagine playing capture the flag with rhese bastards#ur scaling the wall and you see these mfs make it up there in like 2 jumps#they arent allowed to be in the same team for any of the games because you KNOW theyd beat everyone else's asses#people are fighting to have percy on their team#not to mention the gods that just pop in for a visit every now and then#like at this point the fact that DIONYSUS is their camp counselor isnr even that surprising anymore#some scrawny teen dude shows up and will's just 'oh hey dad'#'YOU MEAN APOLLO????' 'yeah lol he just visits sometimes'#pretty much everyone there has survived at least one war#the background characters must feel hella overshadowed bcs what does it matter if u won a game when the guy in the cabin across has like#saved the world. 3 different times. like wtf#pjo books#leo valdez#trials of apollo#lester papadopoulos#pjo fandom#percy jackson#grover underwood#nico di angelo#annabeth chase#pjo hoo toa#heroes of olympus#piper mclean#chiron#camp half blood#pjo text post
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decided to redraw and improve this silly thing i did two years ago
here's the two compared like damn the colors on the first what was that 😭
#my style has drastically changed specially in the past year so it's nice to see such a big difference and sctually feel proud of myself#i can't stop drawing them this is becoming a problem#wenclair fanart#im also doing some prompts for wenclairtober but i'll probably do another post for those once i have a few more#i'll be posting them on tw tho!#they're mostly just going to be b&w sketches i really don't have time for more#wenclair#enid sinclair#wednesday addams#wednesday x enid#wednesday netflix#evgarart
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big fan of panels where they look like they wld beat me up
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuuji#megumi#YUUJI WILL NOT COOPERATE TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME >:(((#is it the angle ? is it the expression?? the bangs??????? am i just a fraud and a fake yuuji liker i dont know at this point#god#just . just take it i cant fiddle with the proportions any more ill go insane#it was worse when i tried colouring it but im STILL not 100% sold on it no matter what i shift or tilt#megumi my darling boy i love u at least You always have my back :'<#honestly my leading theory is that bc my yuuji design looks objectively More different than his canon design#its more prone 2 looking Wrong in my head#but even so !!! if i *have* my yuuji design down why does it still feel like im fighting fr my gd life when i try 2 draw him#it feels like he is shattering my drawing hand and smiling at me n taunting me w those shiny puppy eyes th entire time#head in hands I Don't Get It#when will i get it#anyway scoreboard yuuji: 623453766235 hina: 0
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tshirt that says NO LIVE ORGANISM CAN CONTINUE FOR LONG TO EXIST SANELY UNDER CONDITIONS OF ABSOLUTE REALITY
#i literally JUST finished hill house a few days ago and i already want to reread. Badly. it's sooo so so soo sooooooooo good <33333!!!!!#also completely enamored by shirley jackson's writing style i NEED to read everything she has written ever like right now..#opening lines of ALL TIME btw 👆❗❗❗#r.txt#the haunting of hill house#ALSO i've seen commentary videos on the tv show they made of hill house but from what i remember of it it's SO different from the book???#i think they were all siblings in the show which is??????? like why would you change that part?? i love sibling relationships as much as the#next guy but i feel like the fact that none of them knew each other was such an essential part of the story like why would u change it....#also eleanor was like. an entirely different character who was also already dead in the show i believe??? and dr. montague doesn't exist??#hill house could've been really good as a show idk why they changed it up like that...like was the original story not interesting enough for#you or something?? WHO decided to make that change i just wanna talk 🤨
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sometimes while i think about that while a lot of adults did not treat me very well as a kid i also get a lot of 'in hindsight this person was so good to me and i didnt even realize it until now' as an adult. today i was thinking about how the first anime convention i ever went to was when i was 10 and i asked the man working the manga cafe what manga was/what a good place to start was (because the con was very overstimulating for me and i had gotten lost) and he asked how old i was before recommending yotsuba and asking if i wanted any water or something to eat. its really simple but theres a lot of bad things that couldve happened or he could've been careless in his recommendation, but instead yotsuba has remained one of my favorite manga for years, and probably a large portion of why i continue to read manga as an adult... i think adults who try to involve kids in the world safely/kindly even in little ways make so much more of a difference than they ever really know.
#and i know that sounds silly like YES. it was just a bookr ecommendation#but i feel like a lot of people either dont really care about whats a good starting point for younger kids in their shared fan spaces#or dont really take the care to recognize different peoples ages would effect what they would both enjoy or#be capable of engaging with#not to mention theres a lot of manga that would NOT have been appropriate for a 10 year old to read#so the fact that he askedd and even asked what sort of thing i liked at the time#was very sweet. i think about him a lot and i hope hes doing well#txt#scratchpost
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You know those aesthetic image posts that float around tumblr? I'm . . . starting to see a lot on my dash that are obviously ai-generated. Are non-artists having trouble telling the difference between AI images and real photos, or are people starting to stop care about the stolen art that gets fed into those programs?
#i think it's just that people can't tell the difference between original art/photos and AI stuff#might revisit this later with something of a guide to help people notice at a glance#because once you know what to look for?#it's impossible not to see it#anyway don't feel bad if you reblogged ai stuff by accident#i just spent a lot of time studying it and also art
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So THAT'S how they did it! I'm sure that will have no major implications at AAAAALLLLLL...
FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT
MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)
#undertale#deltarune#utdr#crossover#crossover comic#undertale fanart#deltarune fanart#twin runes#twin runes comic#twin runes au#chara#susie deltarune#ralsei#toriel#kris dreemurr#frisk#soooo the split soul wasn't a lesslo thing#remember when I told you that their souls look different from what you think they do?#yeah#their souls just so happen to look like this#and chara somehow can sense them and the souls feel familiar?#and you know how only kris and frisk were able to see chara in their “ghost” form?#I suggest going back to page 62 and you might be able to spot a little something staring right into your face#told you i like to hide things in plain sight#wonder how they got like this though#guess that's for another time#but enough of that#return of the mitosis joke!
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Part 1 <- Part 2 -> Part 3
Masterpost
#DC#DCU#DC Comics#Dick Grayson#Damian Wayne#Tim Drake#Wally West#Donna Troy#Roy Harper#Bruce Wayne#Nightwing#Batman#Robin#Red Robin#Flash#Arsenal#Birdflash#If you feel so inclined. It doesn't really make a difference#Garth is here he's just not on twitter because he's smart#He was looking over Wally's shoulder for this whole exchange and was the one who typed up Wally's last tweet#I just realized that both of Dick's handles are too long... but fuck it I'm keeping them anyway#Also Lian chose Roy's twitter name and she likes to say her dad's name so that's why it's there three times
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FORGETTABLE-AU (page 82-85)
THAT LAZYBONES!!
[BEGINNING] [PREVIOUS] [CONTINUE]
#So sorry it took me almost 2 weeks to post these#I was busy irl but ALSO I had too much fun doing extra art and forgot to work on these for like 3 days lmao#NOW THIS TIME I DO HAVE SOME THING TO SAY#YAY RIVERPERSON! SO MANY PEOPLE GUESSED CORRECTLY!#It wasn't that hard#We know Papyrus knows the river person#are they friends? idk BUT I PERSONALLY THINK THEY ARE#I just LOVEEE looking at the dialogue and making connections#I referenced one of the lines from the river person here...sometimes they'll ask you if you know any game you can play with a dog...#They said they were “asking for a friend...”#And I couldn't help but think about Papyrus' problem with the annoying dog LMAO#+ Papyrus seems very excited to know if the river person is there when you call him nearby that area#Okay so... now ...some comic thing that I made up but also didn't...#“FLOWEY DOESN'T KNOW WHO THE RIVER PERSON IS?”#okay so...#I feel like#It's not very common for them to be there...#When talking with Undyne around that area it's kind of *unclear* if she knows about the river person being there....#She tells you about the river connecting different areas and that you should “jump in”#She then clarifies that's the only thing they got for public transport#AND LIKE? It's unclear if she's telling you to jump in the boat (OR IF SHE KNOWS THERE'S SOMEONE WITH A BOAT) or is she's literally telling#you to jump in the river?????#Anyways...so...that's that#HEHE Flowey and Papyrus finally arrived at the house! WOHOO#Sans is too lazy to bring his old stuff to the surface! (or does he still think he'll end up back in the underground eventually?)#undertale#undertale comic#forgettable-au-comic#papyrus#flowey
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Look what we've become.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#Initially I wanted to do a 'Mutiny' quote to follow the 'Luck runs out' quote.#But the musical earworms demanded a different blood to be drawn. And I think it works just as well.#Alright. It's time to confess something. I really struggled with this comic. I didn't want to draw it. Then I didn't want to upload it.#Because I knew I would be here in the tags writing and backspacing for hours trying to articulate my thoughts.#I'm going to talk about death and grief in the tags today so this is your WARNING to look away if you aren't in a headspace for it.#Sometimes in media there are scenes and characters which land on topics so specific to your wounds that it reopens them all over again.#Because here's the truth. When you've known someone like this for nearly your whole life...it doesn't matter how bad the fight is.#You always think 'We'll always have time. One day this dust will settle and we'll rebuild the bridge.'#And then the fucker dies!!! He dies and suddenly there will never ever be time to repair the rift.#Someone you loved died thinking you hated them. And part of you did just a bit. But love and hate aren't mutually exclusive.#He's fucking dead and you are left with so many broken and unfinished pieces between the two of you.#Jiang Cheng loses Wei Wuxian thinking that WWX thought they hated each other.#He's a younger brother who will one day be older than the person he lost.#Who has no one else in the world who understands those feelings of love and hate and grief.#I can't be normal about this character. I don't think he even heals me. Zero catharsis to be gained here.#I just look at his sour grape ass and think 'shit that's a little too close to home.' JC is my discomfort character.#I'm probably going to regret being this vulnerable in the tags in like. An hour. So. sorry if you see this once and never again.#EDIT: Yeah sorry this took 4 hours to muster the courage to post. Surprise update!#EDIT 2: You guys were being too nice to me on my sad comic to point out the spelling error. I have fixed it now B'*)
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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